#just a small thing for this 17th of August

[longingpolaris]

毎年、君と

The streets were full of hurried people, who walked as though they were late for the most important event of their lives. Everyone had someplace they wanted to get to, everyone in the crowded streets of Tokyo had a destination– everyone apart from Arthur and Kiku.

They, as always, walked slowly. Aimlessly, with no errands to run, they walked for the sake of walking, taking the time to appreciate the orange-toned sunset and the warmth of that summer day, a day so beautiful that they didn't want to waste it by staying inside.

"It's always going to be like this, isn't it?" Kiku asked, breaking the silence that had lasted almost the entire afternoon. Days like these didn't need much talking– the silence was strangely comforting, even though the memories evoked by this particular day brought with them a familiar melancholy. 

Arthur looked at him, with a warm and pensive look. "I suppose it will," he replied, "as long as we are us."

It's amusing when said out loud, but the fact was that they spent the anniversary of the termination of the alliance together more often than that of the signing. Every year, they wordlessly drifted towards each other whenever reminded of the fragility of their small world. Every year, they reminded each other that though their love was fragile, it could always be put back together after the storms passed.

“Ah.”

“Hm? What is it?”

“I think I’m out of eggs,” Kiku paused, as though mentally checking his fridge, “and butter.”

“I thought you said you had nothing to do today.”

“I forgot...”

"Alright then," Arthur said, as he grabbed Kiku's hand and started heading towards that market he knew Kiku always went to, "We can walk some other day."

[doomsayersunited]

A Decade Of Doom!

I started this blog ten years ago to compile the growing evidence that our planet would not longer be able to sustain human life by 2050, thanks to our continued, capitalist-fueled efforts to destroy all the systems we rely upon to sustain life. The first thing I put up here was this essay, on February 20, 2014. Now, a decade later, I thought it might be "fun" to look at what's changed: 1) Earth Overshoot Day

In 2014, "Earth Overshoot Day" (the day that humanity collectively consumes more resources from nature than it can regenerate over a year) was August 19th. Now, in 2024, Earth Overshoot Day is August 1st, 2.5 weeks earlier. At this rate and assuming things don't accelerate (even though they are likely to), Earth Overshoot Day will be around June 17th by 2050. 2) Biocapacity Biocapacity is the amount of resources contained on the planet required available to sustain life, measured by area. In 2014, I calculated that the planet had a biocapacity of 1.7 hectares per person. By dividing the total available biocapacity today in 2024 with the current global population as I did then, it now appears that there are just 1.5 hectares of planetary resources left per person to extract all the materials needed to sustain life, as well as all the area available to dispose of waste. That's a 12% loss over ten years. At that rate, we can expect to lose another 30% of biocapacity by 2050, going down to just 1.05 hectares per person by then, and that's assuming that the rate of biocapacity loss does not accelerate further and that the global population suddenly stops increasing after a run of non-stop increases spanning five centuries. Oh, also a reminder that the average human requires 2.7 hectares of land to sustain its current consumption habits/levels. So. 3) Individual Conservation To illustrate the futility of individual conservation at this point in the apocalypse, let me give you an example: If you were: a fully-vegan localvore living in a one-bedroom apartment with nine other people and using 100% renewably-generated electricity; who did not ever use motorized transportation of any kind or buy new clothing, furnishings, electronics, books, magazines, or newspapers and recycled all the waste you generated that was recyclable, you'd only require 1.4 hectares of biocapacity to sustain yourself. That is close to the kind of lifestyle extremism it would take to live sustainably. Deviate from that level of stoicism even slightly (say by living in a two-bedroom apartment with three other people instead of a one-bedroom apartment with nine other people and taking a single, four-hour roundtrip flight, once a year) and you're now consuming 1.6 hectares of biocapacity, which means you're using more resources than the world has available for you if everything was divided evenly among everybody. Of course, biocapacity, like all resources, are not divvied up evenly among everybody, which is why there are currently 114 different armed conflicts happening worldwide - the highest number of armed conflicts since 1946. 2023 was the most violent year in the last three decades. 4) Other Signs Of The End Times In my 2014 essay, I referenced the work of geologist Dr. Evan Fraser, who studies civilization collapse. In his book Empires of Food, Dr. Fraser noted common signs of a civilization about to collapse, which began to appear about two decades before it all goes completely to hell. Those signs were: -a rapidly-increasing and rapidly-urbanizing population We've added 700 million people to the planet since I began this blog in 2014. And where is everyone moving to?

-farmers increasingly specializing in just a small number of crops " "As farm ecosystems have been simplified, so too are the organisms that populate the farm.  A farm that specializes in a limited number of crops in short rotations does not, for example, look for plant varieties that do well in more complex rotations with intercropping.  A beef feedlot operation wants breeds that gain weight quickly on grain diets and does not want cattle breeds that digest well pasture grasses and thrive in all year outdoor environments on the range." The result? Recent estimates put the loss of global food diversity over the last 100 years at 75%. Over the 300,000 species of edible plants that exist, humans only consume about 200 of them in notable quantities, with 90% of crop plants not being grown commercially. -endemic soil erosion Climate change and the need to raise more crops have combined to increase the rate of agricultural soil erosion globally. Back in 2014, when I started blogging about the end of everything, the UN had already determined that there was only enough fertile soil left to plant 60 more annual crops. So, by 2074, we won't be able to grow food, full stop. This of course comes at a time when the global population continues to increase, and with it the need to grow more food. If projections are accurate, we will need to increase food production by 50% over the next three decades to feed everyone. -a dramatic increase in the cost of food and raw materials When I started this blog in 2014, I noted that 2011-2013 had seen the highest food prices on record. So what's happened since then?

It's important to point out here that the current food price spike started in 2020, so if Dr. Fraser's calculations are correct, the food system will collapse sometime around 2034, taking civilization with it. I closed my debut essay on this blog with a quote from the (now deceased) climate scientist Dr. James Lovelock, who advised a Guardian journalist to "enjoy life while you can. Because if you're lucky it's going to be 20 years before it hits the fan." That interview was published in 2008. We have four years left to enjoy.

[jenny-in-a-jar]

🩷🩵🤍 5 Days Until my Surgery 🤍🩵🩷

(Picture taken September 1, 2022)

I'm very very excited for my surgery (it's my second gender affirming surgery but this one is more significant to me since it'll be top and bottom surgery) and I'm obviously counting the days until it and I thought some people might be interested in my trans journey 🏳️‍⚧️ So see part 6 below the cut.

Part 1 here

Me and my partner got back together and got a place together and we still live in this apartment together 🥰 I also worked at worked at a local amusement park over the summer that had some fun but mostly was horrible due to angry customers that kept misgendering me and kids making fun of me 🙃 But also I'll say I had one of my most euphoric moment when this little girl pointed to her winged eyeliner and said "you're just like me!" Bc I also had winged eyeliner at the time 🥰

(Picture taken June 6th, 2022)

Also, if the last Era was the peak of my egirl era on twitter than this was the fall of my egirl era 📉

I remember reaching 10k followers and thinking "ok I have enough of a following to try to make money off this." It's what a lot of egirls on there did and as I stated above, I hated my job. I thought briefly about streaming and YouTube but I don't really have the personality for streaming and was too self-conscious of my voice to do YouTube. And there were a lot of sex workers on twitter that I knew, followed, and admired. And there was quite the market for trans sexual content. Also I wanted to basically be paid to look pretty all day 🤷‍♀️ So, I made a OnlyFans account and started promoting it.

(Picture taken May 9th, 2022)

And I quickly got shadow banned for it 😂 And frankly, I wasn't really meant for sex work. I'm not really a sexual person. I do enjoy sexual acts but doing them for money killed my drive for it. I made a few hundred dollars but I didn't make enough content for it to keep it up.

Also, the shadow banned revealed how unhealthy my relationship with Twitter was. My self worth would be highly dependent on how well my posts did that day (I was still posting pictures daily). And I was hypercritical of my picture quality and my physical features. And developed a bad habit of comparing myself to girls I considered prettier than me. And with the constant misgendering from work, I was at a big low 🥲

(Picture taken September 17th, 2022)

I remember this was when there was first talk about Elon buying Twitter and I was looking for an alternative and well... ended up here.

(Picture taken June 2nd, 2022)

I remember the idea between this pic was clothes and accessories that weren't explicitly queer but gave queer vibes.

Also talking about queerness, I also participated in a Drag Show! I played a mushroom fairy!

(Picture taken August 13th, 2022)

It was organized by this local queer nonprofit that did a lot in the community and was already a big part of my life but would become a bigger part of my life.

Also this was when I was done with the curly girl method. And I like how my hair looks like this and it's easier 🤷‍♀️

(Picture taken September 4th, 2022)

Also love how often I get used out of this mushroom beret 😁🍄😁 (which is why I have 2 pics with it on this post lol)

Also an update on my love life at this time. I at one point had 4 partners very briefly and was part of a polycule over over 22 people. I remember one of my metamours made a chart showing all the relationships and it was complicated 😅 Also it was mostly online. Like 2 of my partners were long distance relationships.

(Picture taken Oct 2nd, 2022)

Around my 23rd birthday, I decided to do what was best for my mental health and quit twitter. But I had two last pictures because I got them from some followers who bought me things from my Amazon wishlist I made for my birthday.

(Picture taken October 29, 2022)

This one would be useful for the next era. And you can see a small part of my large collection of plushies (which I have a project in mind for 👀)

(Picture taken on November 8th, 2022)

And this was the last picture I posted on Twitter before quitting at 36k followers. I had already stopped posting on it for awhile so you can imagine my surprise when I got a big pink teddy bear 😱 And for all the work I put into that account, I consider this a pretty good prize 🧸💕

I consider Tumblr my last attempt with having a healthy relationship with social media. If this account goes away, I'll probably be done with Social Media 🤷‍♀️ I think I'm getting better at breaking those bad habits I developed on Twitter while still trying to enjoy the art of dressing up and taking selfies. But, I don't know if I'll ever have the drive for it like I did during my twitter days.

With my summer job ending and twitter as a way to make a living out of the window you may be concerned with how I recovered but I got really lucky and I'll go into detail on that tomorrow 😁

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫: 𝐞𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 06 of 06 | masterpost

word count: 9,8k | ao3 link | fic's playlist

✦ on this chapter: NSFW!!!, dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female!oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, pregnancy, breastfeeding, mxf sex, threesome mentioned/implied, poly relationship mentioned/discussed, oral sex, pregnancy sex, small pov change at the end, an actual happy ending ♡

✧ Blue hydrangea, cold cash divine / Cashmere, cologne, and white sunshine / Red racing cars, Sunset and Vine / The kids were young and pretty

Where have you been? / Where did you go? / Those summer nights seem long ago / So is the girl you used to call / The queen of New York City ✧

August 17th, 1992

I blinked open my eyes, letting out a sleepy yawn as sunlight crept through the curtains, brightening up the room. A small grin tugged at my lips when I realized Dave was still fast asleep beside me, snoring softly with his arms wrapped around me, his bare skin pressed against mine. With a groan, I stretched out, feeling how sore my muscles were.

Honestly, even though I’d caught some shut-eye, I was totally wiped out from last night. James and Dave hadn’t given me a break for a second, making it their mission to push me to one mind-blowing climax after another in a wild competition for my attention and pleasure that had lasted all night long. But I wasn’t complaining; in fact, it probably had been one of the best nights I've ever had up to that point.

I glanced over to the other side of the bed, sighing when I saw James wasn't there; reaching out, I noticed the mattress was still warm, so he probably had left not too long before. I carefully slipped out of Dave's arms, got up, and headed to the bathroom. After washing my face and brushing my teeth, I absentmindedly ran my fingers through my hair as I checked out my skin in the mirror. It was covered in bites and little bruises that were starting to show. I sighed; I'd definitely need to slap on some makeup to cover those up before we hopped on our flight back home.

I threw on one of Dave's t-shirts, my shorts, and my shoes before snagging my pack of cigarettes and lighter. I slipped out of the room quietly and made my way up to the hotel's terrace. The place was nice, offering a panoramic view of the city with a few tables and chairs scattered around. Surprisingly, even though it wasn’t that early, it was still empty, which was a relief. Leaning against the railing, I lit up a cigarette, taking slow drags with a sigh.

"Figured I'd find you here," a familiar voice chimed in. I glanced up, meeting James' eyes as he strolled over. Turning to him, I rested a hand on his chest as he wrapped his arm around my waist. Letting out a sigh, I melted into his kiss, his tongue gently exploring my mouth while his hand cradled my face.

"You bailed on me," I murmured against his lips, and he grunted, kissing me once more. I chuckled softly. "Jamie..."

"I couldn't sleep," he confessed, pulling back slightly, his thumb stroking my lower lip gently.

"Come back to the room with me," I whispered, and he raised an eyebrow, a slight smile playing on his lips. "We don't have to split just yet. We've got until tonight. I'm sure Dave won't mind picking up where we left off yesterday."

"Now that he's sober? Doubt it," he murmured, then brushed his fingers gently across my face. I closed my eyes with a sigh, resting my hand over his. "Babe... You realize this thing between the three of us won't last beyond these walls, right?"

I blinked open my eyes, my reaction to his words written all over my face — a messy mix of feeling betrayed and totally lost. I shook my head no, and he responded with a smile, though it was a sad and resigned one that tugged at my heartstrings. He sighed as I reached out, cupping his cheek, drawing nearer.

"We can give it a shot," I murmured, my voice pleading. He clasped my hand in his, pressing a light kiss to my palm before letting go.

"And how exactly would that work?" he inquired, his tone gentle. "We're both public figures, Nore. You're making waves in your career now. What happens if the industry catches wind of you being with two guys at once? If just by you dating Dave, your face ends up plastered across magazine covers?"

"I don't give a shit about that," I shot back, and he scoffed.

"Well, I do. Not sure if you remember, but I made a promise. Promised Cliff I'd look out for you," he said, gently lifting my chin to meet his gaze. "Even if that means letting Mustaine win this round."

"So you’re walking away from me?" I questioned, my voice cracking, a scary emptiness gripping my heart. As messy as things were between James and me, he'd never thrown in the towel before. The thought sent a shiver down my spine, especially coming right after the high of last night — after finally admitting to myself that I didn't want to choose, that I loved both Dave and James, that I wanted them both, not one or the other.

He nuzzled into my neck, his hand sliding down to my hip beneath the t-shirt. Such a simple move, yet so familiar. A familiar vulnerability that reminded me of the boy he used to be.

If Cliff were still around, would things have gotten so strained between us? Would James' anger and my own self-destructive tendencies have wormed their way into our relationship like poison, tearing us apart until we barely resembled the young lovers we once were? I'd pondered that question countless times. Guess I’d never know the answer.

"I couldn't leave you. You know that," he murmured. "But I can't handle this, Nore. I can't share you. Especially when I know it could mess things up for you. Especially when I know it could fuck up your thing with Mustaine. I know you couldn't handle losing him again. You think I don't see how much you love him? How much he loves you?"

"But I love you too," I pleaded. "And you love me."

"I do. And that's why I'm doing this," he said, holding my face in his hands and brushing away the tears I hadn't even realized were streaming down my cheeks. "You're gonna be happy, Nore. As time goes by and the hurt fades, you'll find happiness with him. I know you will, 'cause you already did."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You're not losing me. I'll still be around," he whispered, pulling me into a tight hug. "I'll always be by your side. Always. I just can't stand to see you hurting anymore because of me. You've been through too much."

"It's not fair," I sobbed. "I want you to be happy too."

"I will. But I gotta get my act together first, so I can stop screwing things up for the people I care about," he said with a sad smile. I gripped onto his arm with one hand, wiping my tears away with the other. I didn't want this. It wasn't fair. But James' eyes held a determination I'd never seen before, and I knew I couldn't talk him out of it. James reached up to touch my face, running his thumb along my lower lip. "I gotta do this. You get it, right?" he asked, his voice shaky. I hesitated, but nodded before trying to force a smile — one last smile for the man I loved.

"Want to give me one last kiss?" I asked, and he laughed quietly. "You know, for good luck."

He leaned in, pulling me close, his lips brushing against mine slowly, savoring every moment. I tangled my fingers in his hair, closing my eyes and pressing myself against him, trying in every way to convey everything I felt; how much I loved him, how long I'd loved him, and how a part of my heart would always belong to him. How I wouldn't be who I was without him. He ended the kiss with two gentle pecks, then planted two small kisses on my cheek and forehead before hugging me tightly.

When I opened my eyes, he was gone.

When I got back to the room, Dave was there, fresh out of the shower, his hair still wet and a towel wrapped around his waist.

"Hey, babe," he greeted me with a smile, but it faded when he saw the look on my face. "What's up? Something happened?"

I nodded, heading over to him and wrapping my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. Dave hugged me back right away, holding me close as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Hey," he murmured, lifting my chin so I'd meet his gaze. "What's going on? Did I fuck anything up?"

"No, no," I reassured him, pulling him into another hug and nuzzling into his neck. He let out a soft, worried sigh, holding me close.

"Tell me what's going on, honey. I'm freaking out here," he urged, his voice filled with concern.

"I'm being selfish," I murmured, my voice shaking. "I'm being selfish because after yesterday... I thought... I thought that you, me, and James could figure it out. I've been torn up for so long about having to pick one of you, and… And yesterday it hit me, I don't really want to choose. But James... He's not on board. He said it wouldn't be good for my career if people found out. That I'd be better off without him." I pulled back, meeting his eyes, pleading. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you with this, Dave..."

"You're not hurting me," he said, cupping my face in his hands. "Do you really think I don't know you love him, Nore? After all these years together? I was the one who walked away, and he's the one who’s been there for you this whole time. As much as I hate it, I get it. I'm not mad at you. It's okay."

He helped me sit on the bed, pulling me close against his chest. I let out a sigh, giving him a light kiss, and he let out a low, contented sound as he held me tight. He smelled nice, all warm and woodsy; just being near him helped me relax.

"I love you," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me gently on the lips, his fingers brushing against my tear-stained cheeks.  "But you know it's different for people like us," he said softly, studying my face as he traced it with his fingertips. "Behind the scenes at a gig, a private party... We can get carried away in those moments, do things we wouldn't do anywhere else. But then we go back to the real world. We put on our masks. We're their idols, babe. And those private moments become vulnerabilities that these media vultures would kill to get their hands on, to twist who we are into whatever they want. A wild drunk. A messed-up junkie. I get why James wants to shield you from that, I'd do the same. But if you wanna go back to him..." he furrowed his brow, his brown eyes filled with a restless sadness that tugged at my heart. "There's still time. And I won't hold it against you."

"No way. I'm not ditching you. Don't even go there, Dave," I said, my tone firm and cutting. James had a point about one thing: I couldn't handle losing Dave again, and I wasn't about to take that chance. I looked at him, pleading. "You know I love you. Don't even think about telling me to bail."

Sure, part of me was hurting and torn up, but I wasn't about to do anything that might push him away.

If it came down to choosing, my decision had been made long, long ago.

"Then stay with me," Dave said softly. "Stay with me, and I swear, even if you're still hung up on him, I'll love you just as much."

"I love you. I'm not going anywhere," I replied, locking eyes with him and holding his face in my hands. His breath hitched, relief and longing shining in his eyes as he pulled me effortlessly into his lap, his lips edging closer to mine. "Don’t ever dare to push me away again. You're stuck with me, Mustaine," I whispered, our mouths almost touching, and he grinned.

"You know you're the only one I love... Losing you is the last thing I'd ever want," he said, his hand tangling in my hair and pulling me closer as his lips met mine.

✧ But if you send for me, you know I'll come / And if you call for me, you know I'll run  / I'll run to you, I'll run to you / I'll run, run, run / I'll come to you, I'll come to you  / I'll come, come, come ✧

October 9, 1992

Ever since I was a kid, the ocean had been a great presence in my life. Growing up in Long Beach and then moving around to San Francisco and Los Angeles meant I was always near the beach. Whether I was feeling great or down, the sea was like a silent companion, there for me through thick and thin. So when Dave suggested we hit up a beachside cottage in San Francisco for the weekend, I was totally stoked.

The past couple of months hadn't exactly been easy. After Leanne's wedding, James and I went back to being cool with each other, but his choice to step back still stung. Trying to keep up a friendship after being together for years was bittersweet, and way tougher than I thought it'd be. But having Dave around made it all a bit smoother. Even when I still felt down sometimes, I knew I'd rather deal with that sadness over and over than go through the heartbreak of losing him again.

Things were looking up for our careers. On my end, I was hashing out the details for a role in my first movie, which was gonna be a whole new ball game compared to everything I'd done before. The series I was headlining was wrapping up filming, and it seemed like smooth sailing all around.

Dave had been riding high with all the concerts he'd been doing since Megadeth had dropped their latest album, Countdown to Extinction. The album had been a hit, which was awesome news for both of us. The following year, the band would hit the road for an international tour, and although we knew it was gonna be tough being apart for that long, we figured we'd make the most of the rest of '92 by squeezing in as much time together as we could, starting with our little weekend getaway.

At Dave's urging, I’d let him take the reins on planning everything. I grinned as he pulled up to the small beach cottage, instantly recognizing it. Even after all these years, some things in San Francisco still remained the same.

"That's the cottage you took me to that time, right before you went on that trip to New Jersey with the guys," I said, grinning at Dave as he pulled the car to a stop. He flashed me a smile in return.

"Yep, that's the spot. Good memory," he leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "Wanted to whisk you away to a place that's got some history for us both."

And he’d totally hit the mark; the little cottage was quaint yet comfy, a throwback to the best days of my life, a time when we were just two young lovers, exploring what it meant to be together. Back when I was learning what it meant to have a family beyond blood, with all my friends by my side, back when Cliff was still around, all witty remarks and calm smiles. Back before Dave and the guys had their falling out and things had changed forever, for all of us.

Dave tossed me the key, asking me to pop open the doors and windows for some fresh air while he hauled our bags inside. I happily obliged, instantly recognizing the layout of the small house: cozy living room leading to the bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. The bedroom had an old double bed and a wardrobe, plus a TV that definitely wasn't there last time. And then there was the balcony, right out to the beach, where I could see the sea glimmering in the morning light.

I grinned as Dave strolled in, dumping our bags on the bed before coming over to wrap me in a hug and plant a soft kiss on my lips.

"You like it?" he asked softly. I nodded. "Yeah, it's a bit smaller than I remembered, but I hope it’s still cozy enough."

"It's perfect, Dave," I said, cupping his face in my hands and giving him another kiss. He grinned, looking like he was about to say something, but then hesitated, which caught my attention. "What's up?"

"I was just curious... if you had any cool stuff planned for this weekend," he said, trying to keep a straight face, but I could tell he was about to crack a smile. I grinned back, a bit puzzled.

"I didn't plan anything fancy, babe. You were supposed to take care of all that, remember? But we can chill at the beach and then figure out something fun to do together, sound good?"

"Well, actually..." he started, his grin spreading. "I had something else in mind."

"Oh, really? You know I'm down for whatever," I answered, and he smiled playfully before taking my hands in his, leaning his forehead against mine.

"Even marrying me tomorrow?" he asked, his tone low.

I blinked, totally caught off guard, wondering if I'd heard him right. I leaned back a bit, a shocked grin breaking across my face as my heart started racing. Was he serious? Dave grinned back at my reaction, giving my hands a gentle squeeze, his soft touch grounding me back to reality.

"What do you mean, tomorrow?" I asked, dumbfounded, and he laughed.

"I mean tomorrow," he replied, genuine happiness and excitement in his voice. "Nore, I... I've spent too much of my life away from you already. And it sucked," he chuckled, and I couldn’t help but laugh too, feeling my heart completely out of sync as butterflies fluttered in my stomach. "Next year, when I go on tour... I want to know I’m coming back home to you. Every single day of my life, I want to be sure I'll come back to you."

I gasped in surprise as he knelt down on one knee, still holding my hands before letting them go and pulling out a small box from his pocket. He opened it to reveal a beautiful ring, gold with a large dark blue stone and small diamonds around it.

"This might just go down as the quickest engagement in history," he whispered with a smile. "But seriously, I've never been more certain about anything in my life than wanting to spend it with you. Eleanore Marie Burton... Will you mar-"

"Yes," I blurted out, barely letting him finish, a grin spreading across my face as I brought my fingertips to my lips, giggling like a little girl with tears brimming in my eyes. Dave beamed, his own eyes misting up as he got to his feet. "Yes, I’ll marry you," I confirmed, and he took my hand in his, slowly slipping the ring onto my finger before pulling me in close by the waist, drawing me into a slow, passionate kiss. 

"Thank goodness you said yes," he whispered, his breath warm against my lips. "I mean, I've already forked out for the whole thing. Would've been a bit awkward if you'd turned me down."

I couldn't help but laugh, joyous tears streaking down my cheeks as I cupped his face in my hands, his arms enveloping me tightly, our lips finding each other's again, and again, and again.

✧ The power of youth is on my mind / Sunsets, small town, I'm out of time / Will you still love me when I shine / From words but not from beauty?

My father's love was always strong / My mother's glamor lives on and on / Yet still inside, I felt alone / For reasons unknown to me ✧

October 10, 1992

We got married the next day, on a sunny autumn afternoon. The morning was a whirlwind of activity as we scrambled to get everything just right: first, a crew showed up bright and early to set up the beachside ceremony, arranging tables and chairs, decking out the altar with decorations, and pitching tents for the guests to hang out in during the reception. Then came the chefs Dave had enlisted to whip up the feast; our little cottage just couldn't contain the festivities, so it was all hands on deck to get everything outdoors-ready.

Soon after, the guests began trickling in. My family was the first to arrive: Uncle Ray, Aunt Jan, and my parents. Then, to my utter delight, Leanne and Joe made an appearance. I hadn't expected Leanne to come, with her pregnancy moving along, but clearly, I’d underestimated her determination. When I mentioned my surprise, she just chuckled.

"Are you kidding? Wouldn't miss it for the world. Plus, you're gonna need a maid of honor, right?" she teased, and I couldn't help but beam with genuine happiness.

Leanne and my mom pitched in to get me ready; Mom tackled my hair while Leanne took charge of my makeup. The master bedroom turned into a makeshift beauty parlor, and before I knew it, the clock was ticking away as I was treated like royalty: my hair was coiffed and styled before a quick snack break, then Leanne got to work on my makeup before I slipped into the dress Dave had taken me to pick out the day prior.

All of this happened amidst all the hustle and bustle of getting the party ready and Dave getting himself sorted in the tiny bathroom. The cottage turned into a bit of a madhouse, mostly because Leanne and Mom were on strict guard duty, keeping everyone out of the bedroom until I was good to go. But, despite the chaos, the vibe was just pure joy, and nobody seemed to be sweating the small stuff.

Finally, when I was all dolled up, Leanne swooped in and covered my eyes with her hands, while Mom propped up a full-length mirror against the wall. Turns out, she'd had the foresight to pick one up just for the occasion. When I asked her about it, she just gave me an exasperated look.

"Imagine not being able to see yourself in the mirror on your big day. This is a once-in-a-lifetime deal, and I wasn't taking any chances on there not being one around. So, I came prepared," she explained.

Well, this time Mom had definitely hit the mark. The cottage was pretty basic, and a full-length mirror wasn't exactly on the inventory list. When I finally laid eyes on myself, I couldn't help but gasp in amazement. My hair was swept up into a loose bun, with bits of it cascading around my face, adorned with these adorable little yellow flowers nestled into the brown locks.

Leanne's makeup skills were on point, giving my eyes, lips, and cheeks just the right pop. And the dress was like it was made for me, light as a feather, sleeveless and elegant, hugging my curves in all the right places, even making me feel a bit taller. Grinning ear to ear, I took the bouquet from Leanne — a gorgeous mix of white roses and sunflowers, just like the ones Dave had handed me that first time we caught up after reuniting.

I was stunning. But it wasn't just about the looks: this overwhelming sense of pure joy seemed to radiate from every inch of me, lighting up my eyes and my smile. And for the first time in forever, there wasn't a shred of worry weighing me down.

"You know, when your fiancé called, I'll admit, I thought you two might've been rushing into things. But now... seeing you like this... You really love him, don’t you?" Mom asked, giving one last gentle tug on the dress zipper. All I could manage was a silent nod.

In that moment, one thing was crystal clear, and it was my love for Dave.

"Okay, it's showtime," my dad barged in out of nowhere, freezing in his tracks as he caught sight of me. His eyes welled up with a mix of shock and pride, his jaw practically hitting the floor. I couldn't help but grin, the excitement sending shivers down my spine, my heart pounding, and tears threatening to spill from my eyes. "Ellie, you... You look stunning," he said, grasping my arms and beaming at me before turning to my mom. "Clémence, sweetheart, you and Leanne better get a move on... The ceremony's about to kick off."

"Okay," Mom gave my hair one final tweak before she and Leanne settled my veil in place. Lea squeezed my hand tight.

"We'll be right there, Nore. See you in a bit," she said reassuringly.

I nodded, but inside, my stomach was doing somersaults. All morning, I'd been riding the excitement train, but now, with the ceremony about to kick off, a tidal wave of nerves hit me like a ton of bricks. Dad noticed, gripping my arm a little tighter, offering silent support as he sensed my jitters.

"You got this, Ellie. Dave's just waiting on you," Dad whispered, giving me a reassuring squeeze.

I nodded, feeling the adrenaline pumping through my veins, a nervous smile breaking out on my face. And with that, the music started up, and Dad guided me down the aisle to where Dave was waiting at the altar.

As I emerged into the back of the cottage, I couldn't help but be taken aback by the sea of familiar faces gathered for the ceremony. Charlotte and her boyfriend were holding court, joined by a bunch of my college and work buddies, along with Dave's band mates. Lars, Kirk, and Jason flashed me a grin. But my heart dropped a bit when I realized James wasn't among them. I couldn't help but wonder if he'd opted out, if my wedding would just add another layer to the hurt between us.

But all of that was shoved to the backburner the second I locked eyes with Dave. He had this intense, serious expression on his face, which might've been a bit intimidating if I didn't know it just showed how emotional he was. His gaze was glued to mine as I made my way over, and when Dad handed me off to him, Dave let out this deep breath, a huge grin spreading across his face that I couldn't help but mirror.

Our vows were straight from the heart, short and sweet, but bursting with love. I gotta admit, I tried my hardest to keep the waterworks at bay, but a few rogue tears still managed to slip out. And when the officiant asked if I took Dave as my husband, I found my voice all choked up. But I managed to squeak out my acceptance, which just melted Dave's eyes into a puddle of warmth and affection.

When he slid that ring onto my finger, it was like everything clicked into place. Like I'd finally found my spot in the universe. Through all the rough patches, all the time we’d spent apart, I guess deep down, I always knew we'd find our way back to each other. I always knew that I loved him, had loved him all along, right from the start, and that love wasn't going anywhere till my very last breath.

I let out a soft chuckle as Dave leaned in for a kiss, pulling me close, his hand gentle on my cheek, brushing away the tears of joy that had welled up. I sighed contentedly, wrapping my arms around his neck, never wanting to let go.

It was done. And in that moment, it hit me — I'd never have to go through losing him again. Our love had seen us through, brought us back together, helped us learn to forgive, and most importantly, to fall for each other all over again.

I was his, and he was mine.

The party after the ceremony was nothing fancy, but it was a blast. Our wedding wasn't a huge affair, just our nearest and dearest, but honestly, it couldn't have been any better in my book. I was practically beaming with joy as everyone came up to chat with me.

"Nore!" Lars burst out, champagne in hand, with Kirk right by his side, sporting a grin. I couldn't help but smile back, chuckling when they both practically tackled me with hugs. "Congrats, Mrs. Mustaine," Lars said with a twinkle in his eye, and I let out a laugh.

"Mustaine-Burton," I smiled. "I'm going with a double-barrelled name... Didn't want to ditch the Burton part, you know? It's got history with Cliff," I explained, which earned approving smiles from both of them.

"You know, I never really got what's up with you and Mustaine until I saw you two in the same place at the same time," Kirk mused. "It's like you two are in your own little world when you're together. And seeing him all smitten like this is a funny sight. Congrats, babe," he continued, pulling me in for another hug. I let out a soft chuckle in response.

"Can I crash the congrats party?" a familiar voice piped up, and I lit up as I spun around to find James, a hint of a smile on his face.

"James!" I blurted out, pulling him in for a hug, which he met with a soft laugh. "I thought... I thought you were gonna bail on me."

"A dude can't even be fashionably late these days?" he teased, and I laughed. "Of course I was gonna show up. You think you can shake me off that easily, Burton?"

"Mustaine-Burton, actually," I corrected him, and he just rolled his eyes.

"As if I'm gonna go with that," he quipped, caressing my hair softly, which made me giggle. "So, where's your... husband?"

"Last I saw, he was chatting with my folks. Ah, there he is," I grinned as I caught sight of Dave, shooting the breeze with his sister while clutching a flute of champagne. He spotted me, then James by my side, and immediately made a beeline over.

"Hey, honey. Hungry yet? I had 'em whip up that salad you're into," he said, slinging an arm around my waist, pulling me in snug. It was a sweet move, not without a hint of claiming me as his own.

"Oh yeah, I'm starving. I was just chatting a bit," I answered, planting a light kiss on Dave's cheek. He grinned and then turned his gaze to James, who met it without saying a word. I watched their silent exchange, feeling a bit on edge, but my eyebrows shot up in surprise when James reached out his hand to Dave, who shook it.

"Congrats, dude," James said, and Dave shot him a tight yet polite smile.

"Thanks."

"I'm thinking of snagging a brew... Catch you later, Nore," James said, giving me a nod. I returned it as he made his way towards the makeshift bar set up for the guests.

"Hey, James!" Dave called out, stopping him in his tracks. James turned back, eyebrow raised in question. Dave hesitated for a moment before speaking up. "I'll take care of her, man. You have my word."

"I know you will," James replied, offering a faint smile. I watched with interest as the two of them seemed to reach some unspoken understanding. Then James turned and headed off.

The party dragged on till way past bedtime. By the time the guests cleared out and the crew tore down the setup, I was beat. My eyes were practically glued shut with exhaustion as I wiped off my makeup and let down my hair. I couldn't help but laugh when I felt Dave sneak up behind me, wrapping his arms around me and planting a slow kiss on my neck, my body warming up at his touch.

"You happy?" he whispered, and I grinned, turning to meet his gaze, our hands intertwining. I couldn't help but smile at the cool touch of his ring against my skin.

"Over the moon," I murmured, letting out a soft chuckle as he fumbled for my dress’ zipper, planting a kiss on my shoulder and pulling me close. His lips trailed up my skin, and I couldn't help but smile when they met mine. "And you?"

"Absolutely," he murmured back, gently nipping at my lower lip.

I let out a sigh as he lifted my dress' hem, settling me on the vanity while taking off my panties. A quiet laugh escaped my lips as he started undoing his pants. He pressed his forehead against mine, parting my thighs with one hand. I moaned softly as he pushed into me, my fingers tangling in his ginger hair as he moved slowly. I tilted my head back as his lips traced the curve of my neck and collarbone.

"Couldn't even wait to get me in bed?" I managed to gasp out, and he smirked, easing himself inside me with slow, deliberate movements.

"What makes you think I won't fuck you in bed too?" he countered with a low growl, and I couldn't help but laugh, the sound melting into a moan as his lips crashed against mine, his thrusts growing more urgent by the second.

I melted into him, fingers tangling in his hair as my lips trailed down to his neck. He let out a deep groan, his hold on my hips tightening as his breathing grew heavier, his movements getting more frenzied by the second. I couldn't help but moan as he slipped a hand down to my clit, working it with such skill that sent shivers down my spine.

"My beautiful wife," he growled, burying his face in my neck as I clung to him. He grunted as he felt me tighten around him, my climax building rapidly. His movements grew more urgent, and I shuddered as the pleasure became almost overwhelming, my body convulsing with each wave as I moaned his name. He pulled me close, his rhythm faltering as he released inside me, his forehead resting against my shoulder, his breath coming in heavy pants. I giggled as he peppered kisses along my shoulder, then my neck, nibbling lightly on my ear before whispering again, "My beautiful, beautiful wife."

I had never been happier.

✧ But if you send for me, you know I'll come / And if you call for me, you know I'll run / I'll run to you, I'll run to you / I'll run, run, run / I'll come to you, I'll come to you / I'll come, come, come

And if you call I'll run, run, run  / If you change your mind, I'll come, come, come ✧

December 31st, 1992

Two months later, we headed back to San Francisco for Lars' annual New Year's Eve bash. Dave wasn't exactly jumping for joy at the thought of ringing in the new year with his old band mates, but I promised him he didn't have to mingle with them if he didn't feel like it. I mean, Lars' parties were notorious for being massive. Dave was trying his best to wrap his head around the fact that having me in his life also meant having some sort of contact with Lars, Kirk, and James. Surprisingly, he was handling it better than I thought he would.

I let out a sigh, a little smile playing on my lips as we pulled up to Lars' vacation home. Last time I’d set foot there, getting back with Dave wasn't even on my radar. If someone had told me then that a year later we'd be married, I'd have probably burst out laughing. It was like in the past year, all my wildest dreams had decided to come true.

I grinned as we stepped into our guest room and spotted Lars' handiwork of choosing the perfect outfits for his guests; this time, a stunning blood-red gown for me, paired with a slick black suit and shirt in the same shade for Dave. Dave let out a low whistle at the sight of our getups, slinging an arm around my waist.

"You’ll look absolutely gorgeous in that dress, babe," he said with a smile, leaning in to brush his lips against my ear. "Can't wait to take it off you later."

I laughed, giving him a playful shove, and he planted a kiss on my lips before stepping back.

The party was off the hook, as usual. Even Dave seemed blown away by the spread of food, drinks, and all the big shots milling around, though he tried to play it cool, which just made me smile. We worked the room together, hand in hand, stopping here and there to shoot the breeze with some familiar faces.

At one point, we split up when Dave went to grab us some drinks. That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder, and when I turned around, a smile spread across my face at the sight of James. He was rocking an all-black outfit, his blond hair flowing and his face looking healthier than I had seen in years.

"Thought you were gonna bail this year. You know, since your husband's not our biggest fan," James said, a slight grin playing on his lips. I rolled my eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous, James. I wouldn't miss hanging out with you guys for anything," I retorted before pulling him into a hug. He let out a satisfied sigh, keeping me close for maybe a bit longer than strictly necessary, his hand resting at the small of my back as he buried his face in my hair.

"You look stunning," he whispered in my ear, and I swear I could feel my cheeks flushing. "Missed you, Nore," he grinned, those blue eyes twinkling with a certain mischief that sent my heart into a flutter.

Guess I wasn't entirely immune to James' charms after all.

Later, after the party wrapped up, Dave and I ended up back in our room, his hands all over me, his body pressing me against the wall, his tongue tangling with mine as I let out soft moans, my fingers entwined in his soft ginger hair. He suddenly pulled away when we heard a knock on the door. I blinked, curious. Dave groaned, irritated, rolling his eyes, and I couldn't help but chuckle under my breath.

"I'll get it," I offered, and he grunted, stepping aside to let me reach the door. Swinging it open, I was taken aback to find James standing there. His eyes swept over me, a faint smile playing on his lips as he noticed my flushed cheeks and mussed-up hair.

"Bad timing?" he quipped, and I felt the heat rise to my cheeks once more.

"James, what's up? Need something?" I inquired, and he let out a low laugh, that same hint of mischief as before flashing in his eyes.

"You know why I'm here, sweetheart. Mind if I come in?" he murmured, his voice dropping. My skin warmed when Dave's arms wrapped around me, pulling me close as he planted a kiss on my neck.

"What do you think, babe?" Dave murmured, his proximity sending my pulse into overdrive. James observed, desire flickering in his blue eyes as he let out a soft sigh. Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I realized what was about to happen. "Should we let him in?"

I glanced at James, who flashed a playful grin before closing the gap between us, lifting my chin with his fingers before pressing his lips to mine.

Believe it or not, that was the kick-off to some of the happiest times of my life. James, Dave, and I kept our meetings going for a few months, and I gotta say, it was pretty amazing to experience loving both of them at the same time.

But James had a point in the end; keeping our thing under wraps, away from the public, got tougher and more draining by the day. And even though he didn't outright say it, I could tell Dave wasn't thrilled about sharing me. Plus, James and Dave still had a lot of resentment between them; not even the possibility of both of them having me eased the wounds they still needed to heal. So, as time went on, our three-way nights became rarer until they just fizzled out completely.

Surprisingly, that didn't wreck my bond with James, thanks to something totally unexpected: him falling for someone else. Strangely enough, it didn't bug me as much as I thought it would. I had a long history of feeling jealous of James' girlfriends back in the day. But now, it was like our connection had matured into something peaceful. I was genuinely glad to see him finding happiness, just like he was glad to see how happy my marriage made me.

So, believe it or not, I found myself happy. I had a husband who adored me, a successful career, and friends who were like family. Sure, Cliff's loss was like a shadow that never quite left, but I wasn't going through my mourning alone. Some days hit harder than others, but ain't that just life? We all coped in our own ways, not always the healthiest, but bit by bit, I learned to live again.

Bit by bit, I allowed myself to be happy again.

✧ Blue hydrangea, cold cash divine / Cashmere, cologne and hot sunshine / Red racing cars, Sunset and Vine / And we were young and pretty ✧

November 14, 1993

It happened not long after my first wedding anniversary.

The past year had been smooth sailing for both me and Dave. Hardly anything threw a wrench in the works; I kept climbing up the ladder in acting, and Dave was killing it in his music gig. His band was hitting new highs, even if that meant he was on the road more and we were apart a bunch. But, in the end, it just made every second we had together even sweeter. 

Somewhere in the last few months, I’d ditched the birth control pills. Not 'cause Dave and I were mapping out parenthood or anything, but just because we figured we'd want kids somewhere down the line. Seemed like a good time to let nature take its course — if it happened, cool. If it didn’t, that was okay too.

I just wasn’t ready for it to happen that fast — but the two lines that appeared on the pregnancy test didn't lie.

I was pregnant.

Maybe it wasn't the smartest move to take that test while Dave was still laying down tracks at the studio. Because now, a full-on panic started to set in as I stared at that little plastic stick. I only grabbed it because I'd been feeling like garbage — tired as hell and sick to my stomach round the clock. Plus, I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had a period. But even with all those hints, the result still caught me off guard.

I rested a hand on my belly, staring at my own nervous reflection in the mirror. I had no clue how I was gonna break the news to Dave. And with the band gearing up for another album, I couldn't predict how he'd take it either. Albums meant tours, and I was freaking out, thinking I might mess up Dave's whole career and plans.

Chill out, I told myself. He's been wanting this as much as you have.

And it was true. Actually, it was Dave who'd thrown out the idea of me ditching the birth control pills. I tried to keep that in mind, shutting my eyes and taking a deep breath. It kinda eased some of my nerves. I absentmindedly noticed my face was all flushed.

"Nore?" I jumped when I heard Dave's voice. I hadn't even noticed he'd gotten back home, but then again, I was holed up in the bathroom upstairs. I heard a couple of taps on the door. "You in there?"

"Yeah, I'm here!" I called out, shoving the test back into its box and tucking it away in the cabinet under the sink before swinging the door open. Dave grinned at me, his ginger hair pulled back into a ponytail, and reached out for a hug. I chuckled softly, some of the tension melting away as I wrapped my arms around him, nuzzling into his chest. "Hey there, baby. Welcome home."

"You feeling any better?" He ran a gentle hand through my hair.

Now it was clear why I'd felt so sick — another day where I just couldn't drag myself to work because of the nausea. Dave would've stayed put if I hadn't practically pushed him out the door to the studio. Didn't want to throw a wrench in the works of the band's new album. The idea of being a hassle to him brought tears to my eyes, which kinda ticked me off. Guess my hormones were already all over the place.

Which meant one thing: I had to tell him.

"Dave..." I started, my voice shaky, meeting his gaze. He brushed his fingers over my face gently, a flicker of worry in his eyes.

"What is it?" he whispered. I tried to speak, to put into words what I needed to say, but I found myself speechless. Instead, I reached for his hand and pressed it against my stomach under my shirt. He looked at me, puzzled for a second, before realization slowly dawned in his eyes.

"Wait, seriously? Is this... Is this what I think it is?" he asked, his voice filled with disbelief. I nodded, a grin spreading across my face.

"Yeah, it is. We're... We're gonna have a baby," I confirmed, finally managing to say it. "I'm pregnant... You're gonna be a dad."

"Holy shit, are you serious?" he beamed, cupping my face in his hands and planting a bunch of little kisses on my lips, making me giggle. "I can't believe this!"

"It's true, Dave. Just took the test."

"Oh man, we gotta tell everyone!" he exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. "And we gotta start prepping the baby's room... You think it's gonna be a boy or a girl?"

I smiled, feeling my heart light up at Dave's enthusiasm. I'd been worrying for nothing, I realized. He'd never see this pregnancy as a setback. That guy had shown me his love time and time again, way more than I could ever measure, way more than I ever thought I deserved.

I knew he was gonna be an amazing dad.

July 27, 1994

Elise Rose Mustaine-Burton came into the world in the early hours of a summer morning.

When I finally got to hold her, sweat and tears mixed as my whole body ached, it was as if my world had shifted for a moment; holding her, I just knew – life would never be the same again.

I fell for her right away, a fierce, raw, and unconditional love that just flooded through me. It wasn't like I had to make room for her in my heart; it was more like her arrival had stretched it wide open, carving out a piece of my soul that was hers and hers alone, forever.

I could tell Dave felt it too. When he held her, a grin lit up his face, tears welling in his eyes as he cradled her against his chest. She was so small, and so unmistakably ours — her little tufts of hair already matching Dave's, her eyes a deep blue that could only have come from me.

First time breastfeeding hit me harder than I thought. I sat there, cradling her close as she suckled vigorously, trying to push through the pain. But the hormonal roller coaster I’d just gone through suddenly overwhelmed me. I blinked, tears welling up, and Dave slid in beside me on the bed, planting a gentle kiss on my cheek.

"You alright?" he asked, his voice laced with worry.

"Yeah, just stings a bit," I answered, my voice shaking. He gave me a gentle squeeze, careful not to jostle me too much.

"Want me to buzz the nurse?"

"Nah, I'll tough it out," I said, sniffling, and he wiped away the tears from my cheek. I let out a sigh of relief when Elise finally finished feeding, and Dave scooped her up while I got myself together, handing her back to me soon after.

"You're crying," he noted, and I looked up to meet his worried hazel eyes. "You sure you don't want me to call the nurse, babe?"

"I'm good," I said, wiping my face with one hand while holding Elise close with the other. "Just blame it on the hormones. Can you believe she's finally here?" I asked softly, my voice still shaky, and Dave grinned. "She looks just like you."

"She's got my hair, but that cute face is all yours," he remarked, gently holding her hand. Elise latched onto one of Dave's fingers right away, and I couldn't help but marvel at how tiny she was — five small fingers so delicate they almost looked like they belonged to a doll.

"How can you tell? Babies all look so similar at this age," I wondered, and Dave chuckled. I glanced up at him, tears welling in my eyes again as I smiled. "She's just perfect, Dave."

"She sure is. Just like her mom," he replied, and I let out a quiet laugh before resting my head on his shoulder. Feeling Elise's warmth against me was something entirely new, yet utterly wonderful, calming me down completely. Dave traced a finger lightly over her cheek, and she stirred in her sleep.

"My sweet Lizzie," he murmured, and the nickname sounded so perfect on his lips that I knew he'd hardly call her anything else from then on. He grinned, his eyes brimming with pure love as they met mine, and he planted a gentle kiss on my temple. "Can you believe we made her?" he whispered against my skin. "I didn't think it was possible to love you more than I already did, but you keep proving me wrong. How do you do it?"

“It’s easy,” I smiled. “You do the same for me.”

Dave smiled softly, giving me a light kiss before drawing me in closer. I let myself sink into his embrace, with our baby snug against me, and let out a contented sigh.

"I think I'm about to fall asleep," I mumbled, feeling my eyelids drooping.

"Course you are. You need some shut-eye," Dave chuckled, his smile practically audible, before gently transferring Lizzie to her crib. I grumbled softly, already missing the feel of her in my arms, but knowing it was best to wait until I was more awake to hold her. Dave settled back beside me on the bed, wrapping me in his arms, resting my head on his shoulder, and I let out a contented sigh, soaking in the warmth of his skin against mine. “I love you, Nore.”

"I love you too," I mumbled back, already drifting off, smiling as his lips brushed my forehead, and letting out a quiet laugh.

"What's on your mind?" Dave asked, grinning, and I shook my head.

"Just feeling damn lucky," I murmured, blinking open my eyes with a yawn. Dave cupped my face in his hand, stroking my cheek gently, a gesture so familiar, so him . I grinned, giving his jaw a light kiss, and he sighed. “I'm so lucky to be loved by you.”

It was actually kinda funny, you know, how lucky I was. The world might see Dave as this guy with a short fuse, sharp tongue, and a chip on his shoulder from all the crap life threw at him, but I didn’t. My Dave was not like that.

My Dave was sweet, affectionate, and thoughtful. He loved me, and he made damn sure I felt it, every single day of our lives.

And me? The longer I spent with him, the more I was sure that some things between us were simply meant to be.

We were always meant to fall in love. We were always meant to find one another. We were always meant to be together, for me to save him, for him to save me, every day, again, and again, and again.

We were always meant to love each other.

And I loved him.

God, how I loved him.

September 29, 1999

It was early morning when I finally rolled back home, tour fatigue dragging me down like a ton of bricks. No matter how many times I'd done this, coming back after weeks on the road always hit me like a truck. It was like all the exhaustion caught up to me at once, weighing me down.

The only thing stronger was the longing to see her.

Stepping inside, her voice coming from the kitchen welcomed me right away. I grinned, feeling like a kid again, head over heels in love with her. It was like my heart couldn’t quite wrap its head around how lucky I was to have her as my wife. Every time I laid eyes on her, it was like seeing her for the first time all over again — pure excitement and enchantment that I'd never felt with anyone else.

"What’s next?" she chirped as I strolled into the kitchen, her voice all sing-songy, setting off giggles from Lizzie, our little girl. I grinned at the sight; Nore was at the table, ingredients scattered about, while Lizzie sat on a stool, peeking over the table, her ginger hair tied up in pigtails, her blue eyes sparkling as she beamed at Nore.

"An egg!" Lizzie answered, so hyped up it cracked me up, catching both of their gazes. They both lit up with identical smiles when they spotted me, one a bit smaller and with a few less teeth than the other. "Daddy!" Lizzie squealed, beaming as I walked over, and I chuckled when she slapped her tiny hands on my chest, bouncing in her chair until I scooped her up, settling her on my lap. "We're making pancakes! Mommy said you get super hungry when you come home from work."

"No kidding?" I grinned, pulling her in close to my chest. She seemed taller and heavier since the last time I’d held her, but still the same gorgeous girl, a perfect mix of me and the woman I loved more than anything. "Well, she got that right. I am super, super hungry!" I nuzzled my face into her tummy, and she erupted into giggles, grabbing onto my hair as she cracked up, tossing her head back. Nore joined in, her laughter contagious, plastering an immediate smile on my face.

I plopped Lizzie back on her stool and turned to my wife, who flashed me a sweet grin as I cradled her face in my hands. I was itching to kiss her, to wrap her up tight in my arms and feel her melt against me, to trace every inch of her skin with my lips and my touch because no matter how close we got — it never felt close enough.

But Lizzie was watching us, so I settled for a quick peck on her lips. The more intense kisses would have to wait until night, when I’d take her clothes off and shower her with love, turning her into the most delightful mess of moans under my touch. She grinned into our kiss, her smile sweeter than ever (though honestly, every smile of hers just kept getting sweeter to me), and I couldn't resist kissing her one more time.

"Good to have you home," she said, and my heart swelled with warmth.

Later, after Lizzie had crashed out and we'd retreated to our bedroom, I finally got to pull Nore close, my lips trailing along her neck while she giggled softly, her arms snug around my shoulders as she perched on my lap.

"So, it's just you and me now?" she asked, all sweet-like, and I grunted, my hand drifting down to the little bump already poking out from her belly with our second kid on the way.

"Just you and me," I confirmed. With the tour wrapped up, I'd be sticking around until the new baby was born and the tough early months were behind us. Balancing the rockstar life with being a present dad and husband wasn't always easy, but I gave it my all. And man, was I lucky to have an understanding wife, who was also a wonderful mom, and one hell of a strong woman. No idea what I’d done to score such luck.

That night, every kiss I planted on her skin was filled with nothing but worship. I soaked up every second I got to touch her, her hushed moans echoing in the room as my tongue delved into the wetness between her legs, then her heavy breathing brushing against my cheek as she rode me slowly. Her chest pressed against mine, her arms locked around my neck, my hands guiding her hips in a steady rhythm as we moved together. Slow, tender kisses mixed with the sweetest moans I could ever wish to hear.

And then, after we finished, she cuddled up next to me, her bare skin cozy against mine as she lazily traced patterns on my chest with her fingertips. That had always been my favorite part — having her right there with me, knowing she was mine, that she wasn’t going anywhere, that her love was like a safe haven I could always come home to.

"I love you," she whispered, and I grinned, locking eyes with her. Eyes so blue I drowned, being pulled right into her soul.

"And I love you," I replied, my voice low and raspy. She laughed softly as I planted a gentle kiss on her lips. How damn lucky was I to always have her to come back to, no matter what, no matter where. To know that I'd always find her, over and over again, no matter the distance or the obstacles.

To know that if I had a hundred lifetimes, I'd choose to love her in every single one of them.

And by some miracle of fate, she was mine.

Mother of my children.

Light of my days.

Love of my life.

✧ the story's over, but if you'd like to be tagged on any eventual extra chapters, let me know and I'll add you to the tag list! ❤ ✧

tag list: @killazilla777 @whatsupvic @70srogah @genswine9 @twice360noscope @ilovepapahet @decemberm0on

✦ a/n: And that's a wrap ❤

If you've been following along with this story, I just want to thank you with all my heart! It's been quite a journey for me, taking over a year to finish this fic. I've grown a ton as a writer, and I've had a blast interacting with all of you along the way. Honestly, when I first started posting, I never expected anyone to read it, so getting feedback from you all has been an awesome surprise. Your presence here has really kept me going, so thanks a million for that! 💖

So, we've reached the end of Nore's adventure, and it's been a happy one (just like I promised)! I might come back with a few extra chapters set in this universe down the road, but for now, I'm shifting gears to some other projects. If you want to stay in the loop, I'm always sharing updates about my fics right here on my blog!

If you've got any comments, feedback or reviews about the story, I'd love to read them. Thanks again for diving into Heartbreaker and enjoying the ride with me.

Catch you later! ❤

[owlclawstudios]

ink demonth day 17th : sailor

tw : mentions of uss indianapolis, ww2 and mention of the shark attacks on the uss indiapolis survivors.

march 8th 1942 the us had entered ww2 a few months ago after the bombing of pearl harbor henry was skimming through the mail he grabbed a letter and opened it,

it was a letter from the us navy.

Henry read carefully for a moment before he realized what the letter was. He had been drafted into the Navy. His stomach dropped to the floor as he read the words. Join the US Navy today!

"I'm being sent to war..." he whispered to himself as he sat down at their kitchen table, letter still in his hands, staring at it blankly. Linda walked in to see him. "What's wrong Henry?" She asked.

henry spoke quietly, his voice betraying his

feelings. "The Navy's drafted me." He muttered, looking back down at the letter.

Henry put the letter down with a shaky breath. "They want me to report at the base tomorrow morning.." he said.

-the next morning, henry put on his navy sailor uniform that was sent to him through the mail, he

Henry packed a small bag and, after giving a final hug and kiss to Linda.

he spoke lovingly.

" i'lll be back as soon as i could....i love you very much...."

linda looked up holding back tears.

" i love you too sweetie... i'll be here waiting for you " linda said.

henry soon got on

headed to the base, leaving her at home.

He had to do his duty, even if that did mean fighting in a deadly war .

Henry reported to the base and soon began his training. He learned how to use and maintain equipment, how to respond quickly to orders and various other things that came with the job. He began to bond with the other navy men around him as he went through the training.

soon Henry was assigned to the USS Indianapolis, a heavy cruiser with a great reputation for her service. He was sent to this ship with many of the men who went through training with him.

linda would work in a factory during ww2 to not only help with the war effort but help pay the bills, henry would write to linda as much as he could

Henry would sit and write in his bunk, on his bed with other sleeping men around him. He would write letters to Linda almost every night, telling her of what had happened each day and how much he missed her and hoped to return to her soon.

he would list the many battles and missions the Indianapolis had been in, detailing all the events that went on. He explained how he and his comrades had formed a strong bond and looked after one another, and just how difficult the battles could be.

soon on july 16th 1945, the USS Indianapolis and Henry we’re on a vital mission. They were transporting an important element for the construction of an atomic bomb, which would be used later in the war

The whole ship’s crew was on high alert, the job was extremely important and there could be no mistakes. it was carrying cargo and This cargo was a classified secret, as the atomic bomb had not been announced and used at that point. The Indianapolis would travel to Leyte Gulf and begin preparing to deliver the cargo, unknown to the crew of the Indianapolis as to what exactly the cargo was.

-Once arriving at Leyte Gulf, the crew spent most of the time working on and off the ship to make any last minute preparations to deliver the important cargo, with many not understanding the true importance of this specific cargo.

-By the time August was already a few days underway,

but then... Linda had not received a letter since july 27 . This worried her, but she could only hope that he was fine and that he had been unable to find any time to write.

By the time the 15th of August rolled around, she had not received any letters from Henry, and would read the news paper and learn of the Indianapolis's sinking, her eyes widening in horror.

she soon got a letter,

Linda's heart skipped a beat as she read the letter. Henry had survived, but was badly injured, with several issues that he was being treated for. She was thankful for the fact that he was alive, but at the same time worried about the severity of his injuries.

henry was hospitilized at the

Naval Base Hospital No. 20 in Peleliu,

henry had suffered deyhydration, salt water poisoning, starvation and inffected wounds, and shark bites, The letters described the struggles that Henry faced, including the many times that he'd nearly been killed by the sharks that attacked him. He had tried to fight back, punching and kicking at the sharks' gills to try and get them to release him, but he had suffered many injuries in the process, though he still managed to survive.

-Henry spent 11 days in the hospital, being fed and given fluids to help with his dehydration. His wounds from the sharks' bites and the sharp metal pieces that had injured him were cleaned and bandaged, and he was given medical care to help him recover properly.

once he was declared well enough, Henry was discharged from the hospital and the Navy. He was awarded the Purple Heart for his bravery and for his efforts in saving the other sailors from the sharks' attacks.

With his time in the Navy now over, Henry finally returned home to Linda.

but Henry found himself suffering from the effects of the ship being torpedoed, the ship sinking and the five days spent floating in the shark-infested water. the shark attacks He was plagued with PTSD, trauma, and many other issues from the incident.

Henry's experiences had left him with numerous phobias, including a fear of sharks galeophobia, a fear of deep bodies of water thalassophobia and a fear of explosions ekrixiphobia, He also developed a fear of loud noises phonophobia as well, The memories and the sounds of the other sailors screaming, thrashing in the water and being pulled under by the sharks were seared into Henry's mind. The image of the torn and bloodstained life jacket bubbling to the surface remained a vivid reminder of the horrors he had endured. -Due to his phobia of sharks, Henry found it very difficult to visit aquariums, especially those with large shark exhibits. The sight of a shark would trigger strong negative reactions and memories of the traumatic experience he had endured.

Linda would comfort Henry whenever he struggled with the memories and phobias that his experience had left him with. She would do what she could to calm him down and make him feel relaxed and at ease, helping him cope with the traumatic memories that still plagued him.

In January of 1949, Linda discovered that she was pregnant with their first child. The news brought joy and excitement to the couple, who had been looking forward to starting a family together, soon in october of that year their only daughter, jacqueline was born, which brought joy and happiness to both of them especially henry, Henry saw his wife and newborn daughter as a source of comfort and healing from the trauma he had endured. The sight of his family and the love they shared helped to soothe his memories and fears, reminding him of the good things in life and giving him a reason to keep moving forward.

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals - Total Eclipse Of The Heart

I had the idea to do a Voiceplay Visuals for this one practically since I first saw this on Patreon, and I was originally hoping to make and post it not long after it dropped on YouTube, but I just haven't really had the opportunity to actually sit down and do it - these posts take time y'know! However, I'm predicting a new VoicePlay video release next weekend, as it'll be mid-month, and also 4 weeks since TEotH premiered, and therefore the expected time for the next one to drop, and I figured I should probably get this done before that, just in case I wanna make a Voiceplay Visuals for that one too. Maybe. Hypothetically. Who knows? :)

Anyway, Voiceplay's full-length cover of Total Eclipse Of The Heart was uploaded on the 17th of August (or the 16th depending on your timezone), and features the amazing Ashley Diane as collaborator! She filmed a few Minis with the group a couple months or so ago, but she hasn't been in a proper full-length cover video with them since Running Up That Hill two years ago!

Also, notice how I specified "Voiceplay's full-length cover"? Well if you keep up with VoicePlay's Mini releases (as you should), then you might remember that VoicePlay used this song for a Mini about 4 months ago, also featuring Ashley Diane. Apparently it was Eli's idea to turn that into a full-length cover, but he got Rob Dietz to arrange it, giving him notes about his ideas and overall 'vision' for the cover. Eli was also in charge of the video for this one, and now it's finally time for me to start talking about it! Let's get into this!

(post continues below the cut!)

Not actually the most random start to a VoicePlay video, ngl (You're A Mean One Mr Grinch and Jingle Bell Rock would both be strong contenders for that title imo)

(Also not pictured because I couldn't get a decent screen pic of it: Cesar hurting his hand a little bit and going "AH!" and Ashley cracking up 😂)

Ngl my first reaction to this shot was "oh my god Geoff's wearing a shirt that's not black or grey!!!" 😆 (you know I love him, and obviously he always looks great in whatever black clothing he wears, but it is always a pleasant surprise whenever he wears something a bit more colourful)

We have Cesar to thank for Geoff's getup, and everyone else's, as he was in charge of costuming for this one! (Honestly it's kinda funny how the one in charge of outfits for a clearly 80s-stylised video is the only one (of the guys at least) who wasn't actually alive in the 80s, but hey, he still did a great job!)

The "B-roll footage" was all filmed by Eli, and honestly it's a great addition to the video, both for the storytelling element and for the general shenanigans/fun times between Cesar and Ashley in it (and also the way the video quality looks kinda "retro" as well!) 😁

(Also love Ashley's nails here 👌)

The way my face went from 😃 to 😦 in an instant when I first saw this. VOICEPLAY! RUDE! /j

Did we not have enough Sad Cesar moments already with I Can't Make You Love Me and Creep? ^^;

This was filmed at "District Eat & Play", which is a bowling alley/arcade just across from Pattycake Studios, inside the Oviedo Mall!

The "B-roll footage" with just Ashley and Cesar was filmed when the arcade was empty (before it properly opened for the day, I guess), but the group shots like here were filmed when the arcade was open to the public. This small side area (which appears to be roughly enclosed on three sides) was roped off for VoicePlay to film in, but they could still hear a bit of noise from people and arcade machines and stuff. Fun!

Cesar and Ashley were meant to be portraying a romantic couple in this one, but in reality they're just really close friends (and it shows!) (and also Cesar's gay anyway so-). Honestly the actual "romance" component is a little bit of a "very low-key implied" thing here, in my opinion at least, but that's fine! The dynamic between Cesar and Ashley is still great, and friendship breakups can hurt like hell too! Sometimes even more than romantic ones!

I wanna know how many takes it took to get that shot, and if it was actually Ashley who did it or not! (The BTS doesn't say)

I like how there are shots of Ashley "fading away" and shots of Cesar "fading away", as if both 'characters' are individually reflecting on the breakup and remembering what they lost!

Although the arcade setting helps add to the 80s vibe/aesthetic, the fact is that it's still a modern-day arcade, and so quite a few of the arcade games are definitely quite recent! 😄

The pinball games in this shot are for The Hobbit, Toy Story 4, Pirates Of The Caribbean, Avatar, Tron (maybe??), Game Of Thrones, Stranger Things, Jurassic Park, and Godzilla

(Also it's kinda funny how 4 of those games/franchises relate to songs on either Geoff or VoicePlay's channels - 5 if you count the Jurassic Park theme in Aca Top 10 movie themes!)

In case you wanted to know whose hand this is - it's Layne's! 😁

(Obligatory "he's so pretty" comment 😄)

Also it's more noticeable in the wide group shots than the close-ups, but I love how the lighting on Geoff's hair is like the inverse of the colours on his shirt (pink on the left side, blue on the right, and then vice versa for the shirt), and, per the BTS video, it makes his hair look like cotton candy/fairy floss! <3

Time for another "I'm not meant to be talking about the music/song itself here BUT" moment, because of course I have to acknowledge that this isn't just a full-length cover, it's a Spanglish version! Cesar had the idea for this bit I believe - apparently there's a Spanish duet version of this song that's really popular in Puerto Rico/Latin America, and that's where the Spanish lyrics here come from!

Layne is kinda giving me Pokemon trainer vibes with his outfit in this one ngl, but honestly I want his jacket

I love air hockey - I hardly ever get to play it because I hardly ever go to arcades, but when I have played before with friends, I basically always win, lol

Pfft, gotta love how Cesar got fully into it 😂

Oh and Necklace Spotted, and yes Geoff has got two top buttons undone as per usual! ✔️✔️😄

And a pixelated "fade-out" to cap off the retro vibe! Very nice!

Okay so this actually ended up being not as short of a post as I thought it might be, but I'm definitely cool with that!

I might have a new VV post for you all in just over a week from now, maybe, depending both on when VoicePlay's next video drops, whatever it may be, and whether I decide to make a Voiceplay Visuals post for it or not, idk, I really can't say. But anyway, hope you enjoyed! Until next time! ✌️

[rorywritesjunk]

(I'm not done with this shojo-esque au yet asfkg Sunny is a teen girl and honestly she would draw lil hearts over things with s+b in the middle of them)

pt 1 + pt 2 + pt 3 + pt 4 + pt 5 + pt 6 + pt 7 + pt 8 + pt 9 + pt 10 + pt 11 + pt 12 + pt 13 + pt 13.5 + pt 14 + pt 15

pt 7

Buggy stared at the blank pages in front of him, trying to think of what to write down. After their last visit, Sunny gifted him with a journal, encouraging him to write his adventures down instead of the two writing letters. She had her own, one decorated with ducks on it whereas his had blue wave-like patterns on it.

Sure, things had been exciting on the ship. He was trying to acquire as much treasure and berry as possible for his own ship while squirreling away more little gifts for Sunny, but where did he even start?

A year had almost passed since they first met. A few weeklong visits were sprinkled in for Buggy's captain to get some work done on his clothes by Miss Pins and her workers. And every visit Buggy came along to see Sunny and every visit ended with Sunny giving his hand a squeeze as she told him she liked him.

He was pretty sure he didn't just like her but that he was falling in love with her.

His fear was what if she didn't feel the same? What if just 'liking' him was just that: she liked him as a friend, nothing more, didn't want a romance with him. She just wanted to be friends.

It was a few weeks after Buggy's 17th birthday. His captain announced they would be stopping by the island for two weeks this time to give everyone a break for all the hard work they've been doing. Buggy didn't think much about it but he made sure his hair was brushed and face clean before he went with his captain to the shop. He had his journal in one hand and a little box in the other, more little trinkets for Sunny that he had collected since they last saw each other.

When he entered the shop he saw Sunny. She was sitting at the table again, working with one of the other apprentices on how to fix a sweater. While his captain chatted with Miss Pins, Buggy remained in his spot, watching Sunny for a moment. He didn't know if he should bother her as her boss made it clear from the beginning she didn't like Buggy.

When Sunny didn't notice him, Buggy's captain finally cleared his throat, catching the attention of both teenagers. Sunny finally looked at Buggy, her eyes lighting up as she smiled. Without warning she got up and rushed over to him, throwing her arms around him as usual as she slammed into him. This time he was ready, managing not to fall or have his body separate. He was able to pop his hands off to keep holding the items before wrapping his arms around her.

"Buggy! Happy birthday!" Sunny said, giving him a kiss on the cheek. His face turned bright red and he almost jerked away but she kept a hold on him. "Let's go celebrate!"

He looked over at his captain who was giving him a thumbs up as Miss Pins looked cross, but at least she wasn't reaching for her gun this time. Sunny pulled away to grab a small bag at the table before returning to Buggy, taking his hand in hers before dragging him out of the shop.

~

"Ho-How the hell did you know it was my birthday?" Buggy stammered out as Sunny handed him a sweet treat from a street vendor. He still had his gift for her and journal, making it difficult to hold her hand with the things he carried. Instead she looped her arm around his while they walked.

"Your captain told me your birthday was sometime in August when you were last here." She told him as he led him away from the crowds. "So I made something for you."

"What?! Really?" He had received gifts for his birthday growing up on the Oro Jackson and they were always something useful. What could Sunny have made him? Clothes would have been nice but she wouldn't have had his measurements. The bag was too small for a ship or a hat. He looked at her then at the bag. "What is it?"

She paid for their treat and led him away from the vendor, finding a spot for them to sit. Buggy handed her his journal and box while she took her journal out of the bag and handed both to him. He immediately reached into the small bag, pulling out a square of red and white striped fabric.

"Here, your hair is long so this is meant to keep it out of your face." Sunny told him as she took it from him and folded it into a triangle and gestured for him to turn away from her. He just moved his head, keeping his body still as she placed it over the top of his head and tied the points into a knot at the base of his skull. "There. I thought something practical would be good."

"Thanks." Buggy mumbled as his face turned red and he looked down at the treat she had bought him. How could someone just be this kind and thoughtful?

"Happy birthday." She smiled and took a bite of her snack. "Um, I also wrote in my journal. If you... Want to read it you can, or if you don't I understand! This may have been a silly idea."

"Oh, um. I wrote... Stuff down but it wasn't too exciting." Buggy shrugged as he held up his notebook. Sunny seemed hesitant to share hers but eventually handed it over to him. He eyed her before he opened it up and flipped through some of the pages. She hasn't been writing very much, just fun little doodles of ducks, clothing designs with little notes next to them, and a scribble of Buggy with a Captain's hat and fancy looking coat. There was even a little heart next to him.

When he looked back over at her, she was red in the face and hiding behind his journal. "You can ignore those, um, I just had ideas and stuff about what I thought you would look good in. So um... Yea." She looked away, face still burning. "Just um, yea. I mostly wrote about some customers, some new things I learned, stuff like that. Y'know, stuff to know when I join your crew in a few years."

Oh, oh, was she still considering that? Buggy's own face was turning red as he looked between her and the drawing. She had used some colorful pencils on his scribble, using them to accent certain parts of the hat and jacket. She even colored his nose and hair.

"So you uh, still want to?" He asked as he flipped through the journal, glancing over at her. She was nodding, face still hidden. "Oh, good, because uh," he cleared his throat, "I would really like it if you did." He looked away for a moment before looking back at her. She was looking over the top of the journal, eyes wide as she watched him. Buggy cleared his throat again and straightened up. "Really, okay, because you keep saying you like me, Sunny, and well, I like you too, okay?! So you better join my crew! I'll need the best tailor around, got it?"

She just nodded, lowering the journal as she smiled at him. "I got it, Buggy."

[raayllum]

Since there's a new sock playbook happening and it's slightly different than the old one, thought I'd nip this one in the bud. In the past week three (3) different blogs have been made to rebuttal my and other's posts about the theory that Callum will free Aaravos. Which, fair enough - people can disagree and if I don't like what someone is adding to my posts, I can block 'em on both my side AND my main.

But, granted, that only works if the person respects the blocking boundary.

So here are some of the new signs:

Blog has left the old 'three words mashed together' schtick and is implementing a usually 2 word TDP themed mashup

Blogs are all mostly TDP with another fandom worked in

Blog is randomly made, reblogs posts in the other fandom, and then makes their foray onto one of my or other's posts to rebuttal

Known potential socks (in order of apparent appearance):

Virenhunter. Seemingly made on August 17th, reblogged my posts and others. Lied about wanting to not clog up my notifications since I was OP of the post they were arguing on and I had blocked them (simply because, so they had to make a new post - which is fair - but then offered up a false excuse.) Dragonrecap. The similar naming structure, quick appearance, and reblogging one of my posts to be contrarian in such close order is what initially made me suspicious this was a sock / burgeoning harassment situation.

Moonabovemoon. Same previous tells, also recently made, reblogged one of my clearly theorizing but also very much joking posts (note my own tags of "tone gets increasingly unhinged" and hordika asking a question of how I have also answered many many times re: Callum doing it to save a loved one).

As always, I don't really care if people disagree, but it's obtuse to 1) shove it onto multiple posts, 2) ignore blocking boundaries by making socks to get around it, and 3) specifically, repeatedly target things I've made or posted (mocking my "predictions achieved" tag when it's existed since 2019 and has had nothing to do with these theories until they started happening, mocking a post I made where I mentioned s5 being like a victory lap for my characterization of Callum not really caring about being Lied To when 5x01 proved that too, etc). when I tag everything accordingly in multiple ways for tag blocking purposes, I encourage people to block me, and you can use tumblr saviour to ensure you don't see any of my posts unfiltered on your dash.

Either way: PSA for the fandom, the usual old tells of "isn't Rayla so cute and small and Callum is so strong and principled," has a new front. He cannot / refuses to be reasoned with, cannot manage to have a respectful disagreement without either losing his cool or playing the victim when he's called out for it, and has a habit of targeting marginalized creators in particular (which given the sexism towards Rayla makes perfect sense). Best thing to do is just block and not engage as much as you can, and keep on enjoying the various theories and interpretations you like in peace. 👍

[clarktooncrossing]

Didn't Wanna Feel Old in 2023? Sucks to be You!

Happy 2023 everybody! It's a new year meaning I've got new goals to meet. Goals like finally publishing something, setting up commissions so people can pay me to do what I love, cross-posting between my account here and on deviantART, summoning more kaijus just so they can play elaborate games of poker, y'know, all that good stuff. It also means the return of my 'list of things that have reached a milestone anniversary' list. However, it seems like I've been doing this for so long that these lists have in fact reached their own milestone. From what I could tell, this is the fifth year of my doing this, at least on deviantART. If that doesn't make you feel right from the gate, I present the following:

If I don't mention this my buddy Volts48 won't let me rest; the highly influential sci-fi movie Metropolis turns 100 years old this year, meaning it is now in the public domain. I plan to take full advantage of this fact later, but for now I have the rest of this list to get to...

Anything from 1973 turns 50 years old this year. This includes...

Schoolhouse Rock! (Jan 6th)

Beneath the Planet of the Apes (June 13th)

Robin Hood (yes, the version with the fox) (Nov 18th)

Pirates of the Caribbean (Magic Kingdom) (December 15th)

Charlotte's Web (the animated movie, not the book) (March 1st)

Godzilla vs Megalon (March 17th)

The Golden Voyage of Sinbad (April 5th)

Soylent Green (May 9th)

The Exorcist (December 26th)

A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving (November 20th)

The Young and the Restless (March 26th)

Star Trek: The Animated Series (Sept 8th)

Super Friends (Sept 8th)

Asteroid (Space Race) (July 16th)

The Night Gwen Stacy Died (MARVEL) (June - July 1973)

'We’re an American Band' by Grand Funk Railroad

'Free Bird' by Lynyrd Skynyrd

Elton John's Goodbye Yellow Brick Road album (Oct 5th)

Anything from 1978 turns 45 years old this year. This includes...

Alien (May 25th)

The Cat from Outer Space (June 9th)

The Star Wars Holiday Special (Nov 17th)

The Small One (Dec 16th)

Jaws 2 (June 16th)

Grease (July 8th)

Revenge of the Pink Panther (July 13th)

Animal House (July 28th)

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes (Oct 8th)

Halloween (Oct 25th)

Watership Down (Nov 1st)

The Lord of the Rings (animated version) (Nov 15th)

Superman: The Movie (Dec 15th)

Lupin the Third: The Secret of Mamo (Dec 16th)

Fantasy Island (Jan 14th)

The Incredible Hulk (TV series) (March 10th)

The Amazing Spider-Man (TV series) (April 15th)

Hanna Barbera's Godzilla (Sept 9th)

Yogi's Space Race (Sept 9th)

Taxi (Sept 12th)

WKRP in Cincinnati (Sept 18th)

Space Invaders (April 1st)

Anything from 1983 turns 40 years old this year. This includes...

Mickey Mouse Splashdance

Journey into Imagination (EPCOT) (March 5th)

Winnie the Pooh and A Day for Eeyore (March 26th)

Tokyo Disneyland (April 15th)

They Disney Channel (Rest in Peace) (April 18th)

Welcome to Pooh Corner (April 18th)

Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi (May 25th)

Pinocchio's Daring Journey (Disneyland) (May 25th)

Sorcerer's Apprentice (Atari 2600) (Aug 5th)

Horizons (EPCOT) (Oct 1st)

Mickey's Christmas Carol (Dec 16th)

The first annual Walt Disney World Christmas Day parade (Dec 25th)

Superman III (June 17th)

Jaws 3-D (July 22nd)

National Lampoon's Vacation (July 29th)

Risky Business (Aug 5th)

Cujo (August 12th)

A Christmas Story (Nov 18th)

Scarface (Dec 9th)

Fraggle Rock (Jan 10th)

A-Team (Jan 23rd)

Reading Rainbow (July 11th)

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe (Sept 5th)

Alvin and the Chipmunks (Sept 17th)

Cheers (Sept 30th)

The Video Game Crash of 1983

Mirage Studios (Sept 30th)

DC acquires Blue Beetle, Captain Atom, and The Question

'Let's Dance' by David Bowie

'Mr. Roboto' by Styx

The My Little Pony franchises as a whole

Anything from 1988 turns 35 years old this year. This includes...

Good Morning Vietnam (Jan 15th)

The New Adventures of Winnie the Pooh (Jan 17th)

IllumiNations (EPCOT) (Jan 20th)

Totally Minnie (Feb 25th)

Willow (May 20th)

Big (June 3rd)

Norway (EPCOT) (June 3rd)

Mickey's Birthdayland (Magic Kingdom) (June 18th)

Who Framed Roger Rabbit? (June 21st)

Die Hard (July 22nd)

Language Arts Through Imagination starring Figment (he's a dragon) (Sept 8th)

Oliver and Company (Nov 18th)

Tin Toy (Dec 30th)

Beetlejuice (March 30th)

Return of the Killer Tomatoes (April 22nd)

Rambo III (May 25h)

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (May 27th)

My Neighbor Totoro (July 13th)

Mac & Me (Aug 12th)

Scooby-Doo! and the Reluctant Werewolf (Sept 14th)

Akira (Oct 19th)

They Live (Nov 14th)

The Land Before Time (Nov 18th)

Scrooged (Nov 23rd)

Michael Jackson's Moonwalker (Nov 29th)

The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad! (Dec 2nd)

Twins (Dec 9th)

Count Duckula (Feb 6th)

Denver, the Last Dinosaur (April 1st)

A Pup Named Scooby-Doo (Sept 10th)

Alf Tales (Sept 10th)

Garfield and Friends (Sept 17th)

A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy's Nightmares (Oct 8th)

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Nov 24th)

Final Fantasy II (Dec 17th)

Mega Man 2 (Dec 24th)

Super Mario Bros. 2 and 3

Nintendo Power

The Killing Joke by Alan Moore

Batman: A Death in the Family (this was not Batman's year)

'Don't Worry Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin

'It Takes Two by Rob Base' and DJ EZ Rock

'Parents Just Don't Understand' by Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff

'Nothin' But a Good Time' by Poison

'Cult of Personality' by Living Colour

Anything from 1993 turns 30 years old this year. This includes...

Homeward Bound: An Incredible Journey (Feb 3rd)

Roger Rabbit in Trail Mix-Up (March 12th)

The Sandlot (April 7th)

Super Mario Bros, the unfortunate film (May 28th)

Hocus Pocus (July 16th)

Robin Hood: Men in Tights (July 28th)

Bill Nye the Science Guy (Sept 10th)

Boy Meets World (Sept 24th)

The Nightmare Before Christmas (Oct 29th)

Mrs. Doubtfire (Nov 2nd)

Disney's Sing-A-Long Songs: The 12 Days of Christmas (Dec 1993)

Tombstone (Dec 25th)

Groundhog Day (Feb 12th)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III (March 19th)

Jurassic Park (June 11th)

Last Action Hero (June 13th)

Free Willy (July 16th)

Coneheads (July 23rd)

Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (Aug 13th)

The Thief and the Cobbler (Aug 25th)

Demolition Man (Oct 8th)

Addams Family Values (Nov 19th)

We're Back! A Dinosaur's Story (Nov 24th)

Schindler's List (Dec 15th)

Wallace & Gromit in The Wrong Trousers (Dec 17th)

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (Dec 25th)

Beavis and Butt-Head (March 8th)

The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr. (Aug 27th)

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (Aug 28th)

Late Show with David Letterman (Aug 30th)

The X-Files (Sept 10th)

Legends of the Hidden Temple (Sept 11th)

Animaniacs (Sept 13th)

Late Night with Conan O'Brien (Sep 13th)

Fraiser (Sept 16th)

Rocko's Modern Life (Sept 18th)

The Atari Jaguar

DOOM

Sam and Max: Hit the Road

Batman: Knightfall by Alan Grant

'I'll Do Anything For Love' by Meatloaf

'Shoop' by Salt-n-Peppa (Deadpool's favorite!)

Anything from 1998 turns 25 years old this year. This includes...

Movie Surfers (Jan 1st)

Beauty and the Beast: Belle's Magical World (Feb 17th)

PB&J Otter (March 15th)

The Enchanted Tiki Room (Under New Management) (April 5th)

Toon Disney (April 18th)

Disney's Animal Kingdom (April 22nd)

Mulan (July 22nd)

The Parent Trap (remake) (July 29th)

Hercules: The Series (Aug 31st)

Out of the Box (Oct 7th)

Halloweentown (Oct 17th)

The Lion King II: Simba's Pride (Oct 27th)

Rollie Pollie Ollie (Nov 6th)

A Bug's Life (Nov 24th)

Mighty Joe Young (Dec 25th)

Elmopalooza (Feb 20th)

The Big Lebowski (March 16th)

Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (May 19th)

The unfortunate American Godzilla film (May 20th) and it's surprisingly good TV follow up (Sept 12th)

The Truman Show (June 5th)

Saving Private Ryan (July 24th)

Blade (Aug 19th)

Rush Hour (Sept 18th)

Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island (Sept 22nd)

Antz (Oct 2nd)

The Rugrats Movie (Nov 20th)

The Prince of Egypt (Dec 16th)

Power Rangers in Space (Feb 6th)

CatDog (April 4th)

Sex and the City (June 6th)

Whose Line Is It Anyway? (Aug 5th)

That 70s Show (Aug 23rd)

The Wild Thornberrys (Sept 1st)

Will & Grace (Sept 21st)

The Powerpuff Girls (Nov 18th)

Banjo Kazooie (June 29th)

Spyro the Dragon (Sept 19th)

Half Life (Nov 19th)

Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (Nov 21st)

The Sega Dreamcast

Gameboy Color

Spider-Girl (Feb 1998) - Fitting, considering she makes her cinematic debut this year in Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

'I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing' by Aerosmith from the soundtrack for Armageddon

'...Baby One More Time' by Brittney Spears

Anything from 2003 turns 20 years old this year. This includes...

That's So Raven (Jan 17th)

The Jungle Book 2 (Feb 14th)

Atlantis: Milo's Return (Feb 25th)

Piglet's Big Movie (March 21st)

Holes (April 18th)

The Lizzie McGuire Movie (May 2nd)

X2 (May 2nd)

Finding Nemo (May 30th)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (July 9th)

The Simpsons: Hit & Run (Sept 16th)

Lilo & Stitch! The Series (Sept 20th)

Mickey's PhilharMagic (Magic Kingdom) (Oct 8th)

Brother Bear (Nov 1st)

Star Wars: Clone Wars (Tartakovsky) (Nov 7th)

The Haunted Mansion (movie) (Nov 26th)

Kim Possible: A Sitch in Time (Nov 28th)

Destino (Dec 19th)

Kangaroo Jack (January 17th)

Daredevil (movie) (Feb 14th)

Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Great Adventure (March 18th)

Daddy Day Care (May 4th)

Matrix Reloaded (May 16th) and Revolutions (Oct 27th)

Bruce Almighty (May 23rd)

Rugrats Go Wild (June 13th)

Ang Lee's Hulk (June 17th)

The Room (June 27th)

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (July 2nd)

Freddy vs Jason (Aug 13th)

Kill Bill: Volume 1 (Oct 10th)

Elf (Nov 7th)

The Cat in the Hat (movie) (Nov 8th)

Looney Tunes: Back in Action (Nov 9th)

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (Dec 17th)

Big Fish (Dec 25th)

Mythbusters (Jan 23rd)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (KidsWB animated series) (Feb 8th)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (Feb 15th)

Red vs Blue (April 1st)

All Grown Up! (April 12th)

Spider-Man: The New Animated Series (July 11th)

Teen Titans (July 19th)

My Life as a Teenage Robot (Aug 1st)

Clifford's Puppy Days (Sept 1st)

Devil May Cry 2 (Jan 25th)

Postal 2 (April 14th)

Tomb Raider: The Angel of Darkness (June 20th)

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (July 5th)

Jak II (Oct 14th)

Max Payne 2: The Fall of Max Payne (Oct 14th)

Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Oct 28th)

SpongeBob SquarePants: Battle for Bikini Bottom (Oct 29th)

Call of Duty (Oct 29th)

Ratchet and Clank: Going Commando (Nov 11th)

Rayman 3: Hoodlum Havoc

Invincible (Image) (Jan 2003)

JLA/Avengers (Sept 2003)

The Walking Dead (Image) (Oct 2003)

'Where is the Love?' by Black Eyed Peas

Anything from 2008 turns 15 years old this year. This includes...

Phineas and Ferb (Feb 1st)

Horton Hears a Who! (movie) (March 3rd)

Iron Man (May 2nd), The Incredible Hulk (June 13th), and the birth of the MCU

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22nd)

Toy Story Mania! (Hollywood Studios) (June 17th)

WALL-E (aka the greatest movie ever!) (June 27th)

Star Wars: Clone Wars (movie) (Aug 10th)

Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (Sept 16th)

High School Musical 3: Senior Year (Oct 24th)

Tinker Bell (Oct 28th)

BURN-E (Nov 18th)

Bolt (Nov 21st)

A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (Dec 17th)

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A VeggieTales Movie (Jan 11th)

Rambo (Jan 24th)

Kung Fu Panda (June 6th)

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (July 11th)

The Dark Knight (July 18th)

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor (Aug 1st)

Ponyo (Aug 14th)

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa (Nov 7th)

Twilight (Nov 21) - I'M VENGEANCE!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles (Jan 13th)

Breaking Bad (Jan 20th)

Power Rangers Jungle Fury (Feb 18th)

Spectacular Spider-Man (the best incarnation of the wall-crawler) (March 8th)

Ben 10: Alien Force (April 8th)

The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack (June 5th)

The Penguins of Madagascar (Nov 28th)

Super Smash Bros Brawl (Jan 31st)

God of War: Chains of Olympus (March 4th)

Dead Space (Oct 13th)

Spider-Man: Web of Shadows (Oct 21st)

Little Big Planet (Oct 27th)

Fallout 3 (Oct 28th)

Mirror's Edge (Nov 11th)

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (Nov 16th)

Gears of War 2 (Nov 7th)

Left 4 Dead (Nov 17th)

Sonic Unleashed (Nov 18th)

Grand Theft Auto IV (Dec 2nd)

Lego Batman and Indiana Jones

Final Crisis (May 2008)

Marvel Apes (Oct - Nov 2008)

'I Kissed a Girl' and 'Hot n Cold' by Katty Perry

'Viva la Vida' by Coldplay

'So What?' by P!NK

Anything from 2013 turns 10 years old this year. This includes...

Sofia the First (Jan 11th)

Aliens: Colonial Marines (Feb 12th)

Oz, the Great and Powerful (March 8th)

Iron Man 3 (May 3rd)

Mystic Point (Hong Kong Disneyland) (May 17th)

Monsters University (June 21st)

Phineas and Ferb: Mission Marvel (Aug 16th)

Disney Infinity (Aug 18th)

Castle of Illusion starring Mickey Mouse (Sep 2nd)

Toy Story of Terror! (Oct 16th)

Thor: The Dark World (Nov 8th)

Frozen (Nov 27th)

The current run of Mickey Mouse cartoons (Nov 29th)

Saving Mr. Banks (Dec 20th)

Texas Chainsaw 3D (Jan 4th)

Evil Dead (remake) (April 5th)

The Purge (June 7th)

Man of Steel (June 14th)

My Little Pony: Equestria Girls (June 16th)

Despicable Me 2 (July 3rd)

Pacific Rim (July 12th)

Turbo (July 17th)

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (Sept 27th)

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire (Nov 22nd)

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug (Dec 13th)

Teen Titans Go! (April 23rd) - HOW IS THIS STILL ON THE AIR!?!?!?

Orange Is the New Black (July 11th)

PAW Patrol (Aug 12th)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Sept 17th)

Rick and Morty (Dec 2nd)

Tomb Raider (March 5th)

God of War: Ascension (March 12th)

BioShock Infinite (March 26th)

Injustice: Gods Among Us (April 16th)

The Last of Us (June 14th)

Deadpool (video game) (June 25th)

Rayman Legends (Aug 29th)

Grand Theft Auto V (Sept 17th)

The Stanley Parable (Oct 17th)

Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag (Oct 29th)

'Get Lucky' by Daft Punk and Pharrell Williams

'My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark (Light Em Up)' by Fall Out Boy

'Roar' by Katy Perry

'Wagon Wheel' by Darius Ruckus

'Wrecking Ball' by Miley Cyrus

'Applause' by Lady Gaga'

'What Does the Fox Say?' by Ylvis

'Happy' by Pharrell Williams

And with all that said, I hope you all have a happy new year!

Did I miss any milestones? If I did, feel free to let me know in the comments. For now though, MAY THE GLASSES BE WITH YOU!

[museumelina]

July 25, 2024. Last week I was going on about how I wish field trips were a more regular thing in adulthood. Lo and behold, this week I went to Arles with three museum friends and can assure you, the whole field trip idea is even better when it's outside the work context.

We went specifically to see the exhibition Van Gogh and the Stars at the Fondation Van Gogh. The star (ha) painting was Van Gogh's Starry Night Over the Rhone, a loan from the Musée d'Orsay as part of the 150th anniversary of impressionism, an event being marked all over France, not just in Normandy. The painting's presence in this exhibition is special because this is the first time it's being shown since its creation in Arles 136 years ago!

The exhibition is (surprisingly) large but there are only two paintings and one drawing by Van Gogh himself, all the other works are by other artists on the theme of the stars and all the subcategories you can probably think of. So the name of the expo is kind of clickbaity but overall, it's still an impressive exhibition.

Here's a very small selection of works visible at the expo:

Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890), La nuit étoilée sur le Rhône, 1888, oil on canvas, Paris, Musée d'Orsay.

?

Camille Corot (1796-1875), L'étoile du Berger, 1864, oil on canvas, Toulouse, Musée des Augustins.

Kasimir Malevitch (1879-1935), Construction cosmique magnétique, 1916, oil on canvas, Private collection.

Étienne Léopold Trouvelot (1827-1895), Group of Sun Spots and Veiled Spots, Observed on June 17th 1875 at 7 h. 30 m. A.M., 1881, print, New York, New York Public Library.

Augusto Giacometti (1877-1947), Ciel étoilé (Voie lactée), 1917, oil on canvas, Chur, Bündner Kunstmuseum.

Frédéric-Auguste Cazals (1865-1941), Jean Moréas rallumant son cigare aux étoiles, 1893, gouache on paper, Private collection.

Vincent Van Gogh (1853-1890), Veillée (d'après Millet), 1889, oil on canvas, Amsterdam, Van Gogh Museum.

Vassily Kandinsky (1866-1944), Bleu, 1927, oil on board, New York, Museum of Modern Art.

[miastideclock]

a year with bang chan, "january 2nd."

word count: 646 warnings: not edited notes: the song really gives me the vibes i wanted for this little thing, so if you would like to listen to it while reading, i hope it gives you the same feelings it gave me!

january 2nd ⁺₊ february 14th ⁺₊ march 2nd ⁺₊ april 17th ⁺₊ may 30th ⁺₊ june 4th ⁺₊ july 14th ⁺₊ august 1st ⁺₊ september 12th ⁺₊ october 3rd ⁺₊ november 1st ⁺₊ december 31st

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

int. living room. night.

"okay, i'm ready!" chan called out, inviting you to join him in the living room. you peeked your head past the corner you stood behind.

"you sure?" you questioned him, and he nodded slowly with a grin on his face, from his seat on the couch. you then leaped forward, exposing your whole body and revealing your outfit- the one you had put on just for him.

you were clad in a massive rudolph sweater and elf tights, as well as some santa-beard slippers. chan instantly broke out laughing as you proudly showed it off, strutting up and down the floor in front of the sofa. "you like?" you asked as you sat down in his lap.

"oh, i love!" he assured you, still laughing a little. you giggled along and then patted his chest twice, signalling for him to come with you.

even though christmas and new years were well past, you and chan were celebrating it january 2nd. it was the first day were both of you were free, so here you were, pretending it was christmas a week and a half late.

you dragged him over to your tree and sat down on the floor. it looked a bit sparse with only two presents underneath said tree, but you didn't care.

"do you wanna go first?" you asked him, judging from his actions that he was pretty excited. the whole man was bouncing around in his seat on the floor, grinning like a mad man. he eagerly nodded and reached for the bigger of the two gifts. he quickly, but carefully unwrapped the present.

you had gone weeks wondering what to get him., but one day you walked by a jeweler when you got the idea. chan had been upset a while back over the fact that a bracelet you had gotten him had unlatched and fallen off while on stage, only to never be seen again. so when you entered the jeweler and found a bracelet that had to be locked onto the wrist snugly with a key, you knew you had the perfect present. in addition to this, you had gotten him a second of his favorite hoodie, as you had stolen his long ago.

"a hoodie! and this has to be the most beautiful bracelet i have ever seen. and it's one of those lockable ones!?" he grew more and more excited as he spoke, his smile so big you were sure it hurt his cheeks. you nodded with glee as he took the jewelry out of the casing and held it up for you to put it on him. you did as you were asked and could feel his eyes on you the entire time. "bubba, this is perfect." he grinned. you leaned over and gave him a kiss as he thanked you.

he then grabbed the only remaining present under the tree and handed it to you. it was small, and perfectly cube formed. you tried shaking it to your ear, but it made no sound. you unwrapped it and revealed a white jewelry box with a logo on top of it. you looked up at chan who only nudged you to keep going. you removed the lid and saw a black and silver ring looking back at you. recognizing the ring immediately, your eyes darted over at chans hands. he had his own ring very much still on his finger. you carefully removed the ring from the box and looked at it. it was stunning, you'd always thought so.

"so we can match. it could be sort of like a promise ring. that is, if you want me-" you didn't even let the man finish his statement before you reached over and kissed him.

"i promise to be yours as long as you promise to be mine."

cheers, bentley♡

[nightghoul381]

To My Dearest Love~ Yves Kloss x Reader

Over halfway through the challenge, thank you @aquagirl1978 and @violettduchess for hosting!

Prompt: 8. Postcards Pairing: Yves Kloss x Reader Genre: Angst Warning: Implied Death of Reader

Pictured: A dazzling arrangement of roses

May 14th

My dearest love,

I saw the first bloom this morning as I was looking out to the gardens. The sunlight was just peeking over the horizon, you would have told me how much the golden hue of the sky reminded you of my hair. I wish you could have been there with me. It means nothing, I know it means nothing and yet I still feel compelled to write this postcard. I know you’ll never read it. I don’t even know why I’m doing this. But for whatever reason it makes it seem less lonely.

Forever Yours,

Yves Kloss

Pictured: The night sky over crashing waves

July 10th

My dearest love,

I accompanied Nokto on a business venture in Benitoite and I needed to tell you about it. The coast is so lovely. Not nearly as lovely as you, of course, but I can imagine the sparkle in your eye that you would have, taking in the sandy shore and ultramarine waters. It makes my heart ache to know that we will never get a chance to experience this together. I must admit, I was hoping that by now the pain would have eased a bit. Yet, it seems to continue to reawaken, ebbing and flowing like the tides. You would have wanted to feel the water, to walk along the beach. That is precisely why I couldn’t. I did try, but my breath would catch each time and I just… I just couldn’t. Anyways, enough dire talk. I do miss you and I know you would have loved to visit Benitoite.

Forever Yours,

Yves Kloss

Pictured: Windswept Plains

August 21st

My dearest love,

I visited the Jadean capital and had tea with Prince Keith. It was pleasant, the air was warm and the scent of flowers filled the air. It smelled like you. That night, I had a dream that everything had gone back to how it was. It felt so real. I could feel the warmth of your body as we held each other. Waking up was such a difficult thing to accept. I longed to spend even another minute in that dream with you. That’s all I have left. Memories and dreams. I return to Rhodolite castle tomorrow. I almost dread returning to those familiar halls knowing I’ll never again see you running down them to greet me. My, I really have let my dour mood influence this card. I love you, I will love you until the end of time.

Forever Yours,

Yves Kloss

Pictured: White roses amongst green leaves

September 17th

My dearest love,

The summer has come to an end. Yesterday my brothers forced a surprise party on me. I had no intention of celebrating my birthday. Without you, I can’t seem to find anything to celebrate anymore. If only birthday wishes could come true. I’d wish for you to be back in my arms. I’d wish to see the smile on your face that greeted me each morning. This will be the last postcard I send. My brothers are concerned with me continuing to write to you as though you’re still here, so it’s time I move forward. I know this, yet it is still so painful to say goodbye. My heart will always belong to you. I will never know a more wonderful person; none could possibly compete. Know that my love for you will remain eternal. You have me, all of me, forever. You are always on my mind. We shall meet again someday, I promise.

Until I find you again,

Yves Kloss

Akatsuki swallowed thickly as he crouched over the tombstone, placing the stack of postcards in a small divot he had dug along the side.

“It’s good to know that you were so loved.” He murmured, scooping the displaced dirt over your lover’s words. “I don’t think that boy realized that I would read the postcards he had sent to the bookstore, but he clearly thought the world of you. I’m glad you were able to experience such a deep love during your time on this Earth.”

Rising to his feet, he gave one final statement, “Rest well, dear one.”

[smalife1234]

Surgery Discussion Post...

Many of you have been probably worried/wondering why I haven't had surgery in a bit! And to let you all know, I still need those surgeries, but I've just been slacking for the past month! Don’t worry, I haven't missed wrist surgery; I have just missed esophagus surgery! And you're probably wondering why?

Well, to be honest time had slipped up on me! As you might imagine it is very hard to keep up with a monthly schedule. August 17th was the last day I had esophagus surgery, and it's October 1st... So not good, but September was jam-packed with busyness! I had to write the weekly spinal cord injury post, which already threw me off of the whole schedule, and I had to deal with extra college work, and I was writing weekly smiles as well as an ALS post! So it was a very busy month!

Many ask the question Does that mean you're not continuing with the surgeries? Oh, of course, I'm continuing. I would never give up something that's actually benefiting me! These surgeries do wonders for me every single time I have them. Sure, they are rough at the moment, but I do see improvement, and I do see progress.

Most people wonder why I get these surgeries! And is a whole long story but I'll explain it,

I was 19 years old, and I was in my second semester of college. On this particular night, I felt the feeling of being really sick. In my mind, it was just a small stomach bug that would eventually pass. Later into the night, I had a large seizure ( I have epilepsy). It wasn't too scary, but it also wasn't all too Common. My brother heard me as he was live streaming and came rushing to my aid. Soon enough, my seizure had stopped, and I was recovering pretty well. Normally, after these large seizures, I would be thirsty, so I went to get a drink of water. Before blaming my brother he made sure I was well enough to stand and was able to drink and swallow probably. But I decided not to use my walking aid. As I've done this before with all my stilts, I stood up, and walked a few steps, and Boom, I fell. Donny was down the hallway getting my can but I had stood without him realizing shortly he did realize. He heard the big boom! He tried to catch me and come to my aid. I had fallen and broken my C3 - C4 - C5 - T1 - T10 vertebrae down those steps since I had level 3 osteoporosis. It was very scary for everyone. I ended up spending 11 toy years and 1 Human year in the coma, and so I had severe contracurs on my wrist and my hands. After that, after getting a pacemaker and tracheostomy when I was 5 years old, I had to have esophagus surgery.

Esophagus surgery is basically a surgery done to open my esophagus up more and aid in my swallowing ability. Before every procedure, I must have an endoscopy put down my throat to see how well I swallow before and after the procedure. This has been a monthly routine for me for the past 7+ human years, so this has not been new for a while! But every so often I forget like I did this month I was supposed to have it on the 17th of September but time had slipped my mind and made me forget Don’t worry, it's not going to kill me if I miss one operation but It will make my swallowing difficult which I've been noticing for a while now!

For my wrist surgery, however, that is a different story. I need wrist surgery to loosen the tightened ligaments in my wrist so I won't have pain; I can still feel pain just internally on my arms if you press deep enough, but the outer portion of my arm I cannot feel. My sensation leads me to feel just the tiniest ounce of my wrist which is the portion that has all the liligaments and things. Every 4 months, we do this procedure to help loosen the muscles in my hand, making it easier to move my thumb and making it easier for the physical therapist to stretch my wrist. Obviously, this was not always the case for many years. I had gone without wrist surgery since I had thought it was not beneficial. Obviously, I found myself having severe wrist pain and spasms. After trial and Error, I've got the schedule I have today. This schedule and these surgeries do help me on a daily basis more than I had realized back then! To tell everyone the big news or common news, I am not discontinuing anything. I just figured to give you all an Update on why you have not seen any new videos regarding surgery!

Thank you all for reading!!

Img Desc #1: doc is seen smiling while lying on a bed. She is wearing a white short-sleeved striped shirt and black skinny jeans. She is seen with shirts in front of her.

Img desc #2: doc is seen near a Large window smiling in a single-shot photo she is seen smiling with her glasses off she is wearing a white short-sleeved buttoned striped shirt and black skinny jeans she is in her old electric wheelchair with black chest straps over her chest as a white mug is Infront of her near her knees

Img desc #3: doc is seen getting carried the person carrying her is wearing a black tank top, while Doc in her arms is looking up to her while her head is dipped back doc is wearing a white short-sleeved buttoned-up shirt with black skinny jeans and brown shoes her arms are crossed over one another with her wedding ring on her right ring finger.

[hopeyxii]

tw for gr0oming and its romantization, p3dophiliac jokes, child manipulation, vore (sexually) etc.

first sorry if grammar errors, i am from brazil. second that this isnt misinformation, this is actually real stuff benjamin/sbaguyos243 did to us. last of all, go to one of my friends profile for more info (@cowardlysimon)

hello, i am hope or hopeyxii, call me what you prefer. so, we all know benjamin the wolf, right?

not to mention these characters were never theirs, i am the original creator of maxus (the big one) and akeko (the small on maxus' mouth.). but benjamin claims they are "adults in my au" but they dont have a single spot of adult appearence, otherwise that, what benjamin did just add wings on maxus' back and an "a" on maxus' sweatshirt. akeko didnt change anything at all.

i am just warning more people about this "drama" that the voices of the people who were manipulated emotionally or sexually by them need to be heard, they groomed me, but not in a sexual way. they blackmailed, manipulated and etc. just to be with my characters. specifically this one, i will show the new reference but for my comfort i dont want to let nobody else beside my close friends draw him because benjamin just over obssessed trough this character.

altough this is the new design, the first design was made by me when i was 9 years old, as a kid lying my age being 13 (i am a 12 year old, growing on 13 in august so give me happy 17th agust/hj)

so, this is it.

9 year old/legacy design.

benjamin was always obssessed with my characters, not only mine, but simon's characters too.

as i said they always blackmailed me and simon, only for god damn characters, wich one time i just raged so much out of it that i let them use, but after i knew some of the things they did (now i know all, to be honest.) i said they couldnt use anymore. they just ignored and just fucked up to somewhere with the characters.

oh, evidences.

the first one was on a video they tried to victimize themselves, but they failed miserabely because a lot of people was in me, alex and simon's side.

(luax is other character who is canonically 11y/o)

they said i emotionally manipulate them, but what goes in a mind of a 9 year old is thinking everything the older person does is right. they said in the comment section of their video that if what i said was grooming i groomed them (9 year old grooming a 15 year old is freaky) and also said one thing just,, oh god generic fictional character groomer who ages up them for weird reasons phrase.

proof

this was from benjamin, they wrote a gigantenormous text over my arguments and yeah

what i said to this

yes, i have a late diagnosis of borderline personality disorder.

back to the topic, proof of them talking about the "hope trauma"

not to mention a question of mine, if they have so much "hope trauma", why do they use maxus?

oh yeah, i have a lot of more evidence to show. but, my doc is not complete, wich will help in the tumblr posting and a video i am working on because i am doing more research. thats all for today, bye.

honorable mention for alex and simon for exposing them

[vessels-for-good-intent]

Happy Birthday, Old Sport! (and other September 18th-related shenanigans)

Tags: Nick Carraway/Jay Gatsby, Nick Carraway, Jay Gatsby, Birthday, Birthday Fluff, Birthday Presents, Post-Canon, Fix-It, Jay Gatsby Wears Glasses, and nick is here for it, Jay Gatsby Lives, the picture of dorian gray - Freeform, it was nick’s birthday present to jay, Swimming, Swimming Pools, Humidity, First Kiss, Kissing, Domestic Fluff, Pet Names, Internalized Homophobia, Writing, Literal Sleeping Together, y’all they are so sweet

Summary: Nick Carraway’s Birthday, a year after the end of TGG

Notes: Nick’s birthday is not known canonically—thanks Fitz for not using a calendar, but a Monday around the end of summer 1922 is September 18th. If based on the weather reports, Nick’s birthday would have been August 17th. I choose to put Nick’s birthday in September for my own reasons (as the Gatsbin server knows) but have a silly guy calling another man gorgeous.

story is under the cut (4145 words)

Another year. Thirty-one, still a bondsman in West Egg, in a small cottage next to my only friend’s mansion.

Tuesday, September 18, 1923, a day that was turning out to be just as hot—if not hotter—than the previous year’s. However, our tempers were in great contrast to the heat, unlike 1922. The New York Tribune had stated it was likely to be in the high 90s, with humidity of around 60%.

My cousin and her husband were long gone by now, and Jordan had traveled to some golf tournament or another. Our quintet was only a duo now. I prefer it, and I believe Jay does too. Instead of trekking into the city again, I decided I would ask Jay if I could use his pool, and so I called him up. “It’s Nick,” I said, hoping that it was Jay on the other end of the line, not someone paid to take his calls.

“Happy Birthday, Nick!” were the first excited words, confirming it had been Jay. He continued, “Old sport, I was wondering if you’d like to go somewhere with me today? To celebrate your birthday?”

I laughed, feeling suddenly awkward. It went against all I’d learned, to invite myself somewhere. But Jay was a lonely man, and I hoped he’d appreciate the company.

“What is it, old sport? Don’t tell me you have work?”

“Actually, Jay, I was wondering if you’d drained the pool yet? It looks to be a scorcher.”

“It’s a splendid idea, old sport! And the pool’s not been drained yet, so you’re in luck!”

“All right, then. What time should I come over?”

“Any time that suits you best,” he said, which I had expected. He was like that, unfailingly polite.

“I’ve invited myself over, you should decide the time.”

He chuckled over the line, warm and bright and reminding me of sunlight. “Look here, Nick, you could come over right now and I wouldn’t say a word in complaint.”

“I’m serious, Jay, I don’t want to bother you.”

“You won’t be,” he insisted. “Come over, old sport. We can talk until the heat gets the best of us. Then we’ll swim, all right?”

“If you’re sure, Jay.”

“I am, Nick. See you in a few.”

I gathered my things up after he hung up the call. My bathing suit. A book, in case our conversations grew pointless before the heat. As I did, I thought about the year before. Staying for breakfast. Almost leaving before demanding Jay—who I had still considered as Gatsby then—come to the city with me. Coming home to find two dead men in his yard—the gardener who had been draining the pool had been mistaken for Jay, and George Wilson, the cuckolded husband of Myrtle.

The week we had spent, tucked away in my house while the police searched for a motive, had been one of the best and worst weeks of my life. It had finally hit upon me that I was attracted to Jay. And so I was stuck in a glorified box with only him for company. It had been almost too much at that time. Looking back on it now, it wasn't enough.

My things don’t take long to gather, and I put them in a small bag for safekeeping, walking over to Jay’s around 10:30. It’s only 78° out, according to the thermometer placed on my porch. Compared to coming home last night (around 90°), it’s positively cold.

—————

When I knock on the door, it opens to Jay’s butler.

“Mr. Gatsby is in the library, sir.”

“Thank you,” I nod to him.

As I head to the library, I wonder what Jay is doing there. We had—well, I had discovered four months ago the reason for the uncut pages–Jay doesn’t have 20/20 vision. “Up close,” he had said, “everything is blurry. Far away is fine.” I had felt a little guilty—I had just given Jay a book for his birthday—The Picture of Dorian Gray—and Jay couldn’t enjoy it!

Jay had apparently seen the look of panicked guilt crossing my face, for the next words out of his mouth were, “All right, old sport, it’s as good a reason as any to finally get myself glasses. I’m not offended by it. You didn’t know, Nick,” and I found myself nearly in tears with his easy sincerity.

By this point I had arrived at the library, so I knock on the door.

“Come in, Nick! And happy birthday!” Jay calls.

I entered the room, finding Jay by the dark blond hair peeking over an armchair. His head is down and he’s holding a book in his hands. It’s open.

“Jay?” I ask.

His head whips around, and I see the edge of frames on his face, as well as the slight upward tilt of his lips.

“Hello, old sport! It’s good to see you.” Jay lays back in his chair, tilting his neck up to look at me—glasses. Holy shit. His glasses.

Whether it was done purposefully or not, they take me by surprise. I can see Jay’s face perfectly from where he’s standing.

He’s gorgeous. Well, he’s gorgeous already, but the way the frames enhance his features in a way I can’t describe. His hair, fluffy without its typical gel, only helps.

Jay sits up suddenly, pushing himself eagerly out of his chair. I watch as he stretches, wincing at the cracking noises.

“Sorry, old sport. I know you don’t like that noise.”

“That’s okay. You sounded pretty stiff—how long have you been sitting there?”

“Well, old sport,” Jay says, taking the cheaters off his face and waving them at me, “These came this morning. I remembered your gift and have been reading it since.”

“How do you like it, Jay?”

He thought a little, and then answered, “It doesn’t make much sense to me yet. But I believe it will as the book goes on.”

“What scene are you at now?” I asked curiously.

Jay grabbed the light green book I remembered from a few months ago, opening it to a bookmarked page. “Found it!” he mumbled. “Dorian has just wished for his own eternal youth and mourned that the painting will never change.”

“I’ve caught you at a dramatic part, then. If you’d like, I’d be happy to let you read.” I sincerely hoped otherwise, but I’d let Jay read, even as much as I’d like to talk with him.

“Nonsense, old sport, it’s your birthday! I can tell you what’s gone on in my life since your last visit,” he paused, “Unless you’d like to read, Nick? It’s your birthday after all. What would you like to do?”

“Let’s talk, Jay. How do you like reading now?”

He laughed, smiling, from where he now sat on the arm of his chair. “Well, old sport, you knew I liked to read before my sight gave, and I simply didn’t have time to get fitted. Did you know they’re—magnifiers especially—called cheaters? I think it’s because of the fact that it’s not my natural vision, but rather a correction to it.”

Jay was rambling at this point, but it’s always nice to listen to—especially now that it’s not about my cousin. “You felt guilty about giving me that book, right Nick? Well, I’m glad you did. I can read what I want again.”

“I’m glad, Jay. They make your eyes stand out.” The last bit had slipped out, but I appreciatively watched Jay’s face flush. Awkwardly checking the time, I found it was 11:15. We had spent a long time talking.

Jay interrupted my thoughts to offer lunch.

“That’d be great, Jay. Do you have anything cold?”

“How do you feel about macaroni salad, old sport?”

“All right,” I agreed. Blueberries?

We went downstairs shortly after, realizing the walls were becoming damp with humidity, and the library uncomfortably hot.

Jay groaned. “I should have closed the windows. It’s going to be miserable in here.”

“Do it now,” I suggested.

“Come with me, then.”

As we trudged up the stairs to the highest level of his mansion (eight, with this tower), we both began to breathe heavily, a combination of over exertion and the heat.

At one point, we paused at the top of the stairs, and Jay leaned—and then slid heavily down the wall.

“Every year,” he grumbles, “I forget how damned hot New York can be.”

“I—yeah,” I break off awkwardly, realizing I had been about to make some comment about the previous year’s events. “Anyway, the hottest day of the year has been my birthday for two years. It’s never been this bad this late in Minnesota.”

We drift up the next stairwell, both of us lost in thought.

“I’m sorry, old sport,” says Jay, suddenly. “This probably wasn’t how you wanted to spend your birthday.”

“Jay,” I tell him, smiling and pausing til he looks at me, “I don’t mind. I like having your company, you know.”

I watched as the words registered and he blushed. Then he cursed. I spun around in surprise, only to find him holding the cheaters away from his face. He’s gorgeous, with or without.

“What happened?” I ask, curiously.

“It got—so humid—that my glasses fogged!” he pants.

Curiously, I feel the wall, face twitching in disgust as my hand comes away damp.

“That’s disgusting. Please, let’s close these windows.”

Jay laughs, sudden, bright, unexpected. “Or I could have someone else do it and we can go eat lunch.”

“We just got up here,” I protest, half hearted. “But sure, let’s do that. I don’t even know how many windows there are in this place.”

“Do you want me to count?” Jay jokes, and I smiled. He’s gorgeous, even in his heat-flushed state. I was no match for him, dark hair hanging lank over my forehead, my torso impossibly sweaty. We hadn’t even made it outside yet, and the air felt like you could grab a handful of it.

“You’re not wrong about the humidity,” Jay’s voice broke through my thoughts, “But you look more than fine, Nick.”

I realized belatedly I’d spoken aloud. “Christ, Jay, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he insists. “Let’s go have some lunch.”

The walk back down is easier, although Jay nearly slips down a few stairs.

“What else did you have made for lunch, Jay?” I ask, curious.

“I had some fruit brought—strawberries and all that.”

“Blueberries?” I ask. “If you got blueberries—God, Jay, I’ll—“ I stop there, certain I would embarrass myself if I continued. “I’ll be very happy,” I finish lamely.

To my surprise, Jay was blushing at my elbow, smiling. “Yes, old sport, I do know of your love for blueberries. Don’t worry.”

Lunch was then served. We ate quickly with little conversation other than the weather and our now joint wish to swim. Jay thanked me for pushing him to read again, saying, “I had forgotten how relaxing it is. It’s quite nice to disappear into a book for an hour.”

I smile. “That’s why I like it. Although it usually occupies me for longer than an hour.”

“Have you written anything lately, Nick? I know you used to.”

“I miss it, but no, Jay, I haven’t recently. Today’s my first day off since the Fourth of July.”

“I’ll have to take you on more breaks, then,” Jay mutters, and I wasn’t quite sure whether he had intended for me to hear it, so I tried desperately not to react—though I could feel a blush rising on my face.

He continued, louder this time. “You’re flushed, old sport. Has the heat gotten to you?”

“A swim would be nice,” I agreed, ignoring his statement.

“Of course,” Jay said. I got the idea that he had wanted to say something different, but I said nothing. We got up from the table in an awkward silence and walked to the library—I had dropped my bag there—in the same fashion.

“Why, old sport, I haven’t even given you a birthday gift yet!” Jay exclaims.

“That’s all right, Jay,” I told him, suddenly nervous for whatever he had planned. “Perhaps after our swim?”

Jay smiles in agreement, leading me to a room near his. “Change here, and I’ll meet you shortly.”

When I enter the room, the first thing I notice is the mirror. Or rather, what the mirror shows: my hair, waves tighter by way of the humidity, and flyaways nearly tripled. Glancing around for a hair brush, I sigh when there’s not immediately one in view. Something to ask Jay for then—Jay didn’t say anything. He had to be aware of it. Why didn’t he say anything?

Exiting the room, I find Jay already dressed and waiting. He’s absolutely gorgeous, and I find myself staring. I can’t compare, and I lock my arms around my chest in sudden discomfort.

“All right, Nick?” he asks.

“Fine. Do you have a brush I could borrow? My hair, you see,” I gesture towards it, watching his eyes flick up.

“Your hair’s great, old sport. And besides, we’re just about to swim!” I blush heavily at his first words, more so when he follows them up with a smile. His bathing suit doesn’t help matters, clinging to him like that. He’s so pretty.

“C’mon, old sport,” he cries, polished accent slipping away slowly. We walk to the pool. It’s even warmer and more humid outside, and I watch as Jay immediately jumps in, graceful. I find my eyes catching on the gentle lines of his body.

“Well,” I call, “How is it?”

“‘S nice! C’mon, jump in!”

“I don’t want to accidentally hit you, Jay.” He pouts, then flips to a backstroke, away from the pool’s edge.

“How ‘bout now, old sport?” his tone teasing. I laugh, sitting at the lip of the pool, water cool on my legs. Jay frowns. “Don’t tell me you aren’t jumping in, Nick?”

“I’d rather not, Jay. I prefer to get used to the water, rather than all at once.” Then he smiles, and I am again struck silent by the beauty of it.

“I’d just take the chance. Especially with weather like this.” He swims over suddenly, grabbing hold of my hands. “C’mon, old sport. Give it a chance,” and with that I let myself be pulled into the water.

“Oh!” I exclaim once I break the surface—Jay, in his excitement, had pulled me under as well as in.

“I’m sorry, Nick.”

“It’s just fine, Jay. Nice and cool,” I assure him.

Apparently realizing that our conversation had drug to a halt, Jay smiled, a teasing glimmer in his eyes. “So, old sport. Your birthday gift.”

“What is it?” I demand, a little excited. Last year, I had forgotten all about it. After Jay found out, he had apologized profusely and promised a much better celebration this year.

He turns that bright smile on me, and I feel my blush come back. “A surprise.”

“Come now, Jay, tell me!”

“I don’t think I will,” he said, and disappeared under the water. He surfaces next to me, saying, “You’ll see!” and I flush at his proximity. “See, you’ll love it!”

“What do you mean, Jay?” but he only smiles.

“Come swim, Nick,” he invites.

Instead of swimming away from him, I cup my hand, driving it quickly through the water towards Jay. It hits him in the face, and I see him flash through shock before settling on hilarity.

Jay laughs, big and bright, calling out a jokingly betrayed-sounding, “Nick—” before his hand mirrors mine, and I find myself dripping with water. I retaliate, lunging through the water at him, hoping to push a large wave at his chest. It works—but I also find myself with my hands pressed against Jay’s chest.

We both blush, and I hurriedly remove my hands from my friend’s chest. “I’m sorry,” I quickly apologize.

Jay’s mouth opens and closes, once, twice, before his voice finally comes, choked and low. “Why, old sport, I’d hoped to give you your gift inside. But if you’re going to touch me like that, well. I’ll have to give it to you here.”

“Jay—“ I broke out, “I—what in hell are you planning?”

“You’ll see, sweetheart,” he almost purrs, and I shiver.

We swam without talking for a few minutes more before I became too distracted to swim and instead stood in the shallows watching Jay’s graceful turns. I should have been aware of Jay’s repetitions changing—he had swum around behind me, and latched his hands around my torso. “Jay! You—you surprised me!” I could feel the blush rising on my face.

“Really?” he teased, “And yet you paid so much attention to me.”

My blush increased tenfold, and Jay laughed, withdrawing his arms from me–he had told me later he had done this to watch my skin turn pink–but in that moment I lost my footing, and managed to steady myself—using Jay’s chest.

He gripped my arms from behind, attempting to help. “Don’t fall, old sport. Even if it is f—into me.”

I turned around to face Jay, and to my surprise I found him about as red-faced as I was. Still gorgeous, perhaps even more now. Suddenly, the last vestiges of a fear I had been trying to rid myself of over the past year left me, and I found myself grasping Jay’s hips through the thin material of his bathing suit. His head snapped up, and when he spoke it was almost too quiet to hear.

“Sw—Nick, I’m going to do something very rash if you don’t let go,” he warns.

“Do it, then,” I challenge. “I don’t mind.”

“I did warn you,” Jay breathes, before I feel his hands clasp at my neck, pulling me down to him.

Our eyes met for a split second before we were kissing for all our worth. When we separated—for air, although I thought at that second that I would not mind being kissed to death, and by Jay no less—we stayed close. “That’s—that was your birthday present, Nick. Although I’d like to kiss you again, if you’d like.”

Jay had caught his breath faster than I had, and when I did, I agreed, “I’d like that. This is the best birthday present I’ve had in years.”

“And way better than the mess you had to deal with last year, sweetheart.”

I blushed warmly at him. “Certainly,” before drawing him up again to my lips.

—————

We had gotten dressed again, though in one room this time, stealing glances and pretending at shame when caught by the other. When Jay moved to put gel in his hair, I grabbed his wrist. “You didn’t earlier, and your hair’s great, Jay,” I parroted back to him the words I had heard an hour or so previous.

“All right, Nick. I won’t. But you shouldn’t either,” he said, smiling at me.

“Fine,” I agreed, gazing at that brilliant smile, before remembering I was able to kiss him now. I moved to do so.

“Hi,” Jay said when I stopped.

I smile, warm from the heat but also the comforting feeling of being cared for. “Like your smile, it’s gorgeous—you’re gorgeous, Jay Gatsby.”

“You’re the gorgeous one in my opinion,” Jay said. “Your hair is soft, your eyes are such a pretty hazel, and your face is perfect.” He reached for my face, carefully trailing his fingers over my eyebrows and down my cheeks.

“No, no. It’s you who’s gorgeous, Jay. Your hair and your eyes fit together so perfectly—dark blond hair and deep blue eyes. I find myself lost in your eyes so often, Jay, you wouldn’t believe it. Don’t get me started on how pretty your lips are, I won’t stop talking for hours.”

“I’d let you,” Jay assured me. “But I’d kiss you every time you paused.”

We found ourselves in the library again, Jay’s glasses gloriously returned to his face, The Picture of Dorian Gray open in his hands. I had pulled my book out of the bag I had brought, but found myself staring at Jay more than reading. He was exquisite in every situation, a lip quirked as he read about Dorian’s misadventures in late 19th century London.

He glanced up. “You’re staring, sweetheart.”

“In my defense, you’re very pretty,” and I watched in satisfaction as he flushed pink.

“If you’re not going to read, come sit with me,” Jay said, and I slid over, putting an arm around his shoulders and leaning in to read. Reading the page he was on, I found Lord Henry talking to his uncle about who Dorian Gray was, before Jay turned his head and pecked my cheek.

“Sometimes I wonder if you had a motive for getting me this book.”

“Oh?” It was true, of course. The Picture of Dorian Gray had been a favorite of mine, especially after finding out certain details about Mr. Wilde.

“Yes,” Jay said, “I think you did. You see, Lord Henry and Basil both think that Dorian is very good looking. Did Wilde intend it to come across like this?”

“He did. But it caused him a lot of trouble, seeing where he ended up.”

“What happened to him, Nick?” Jay asked, curious.

“Mr. Wilde was placed on trial, because the book contained references to people like us. He was convicted, spent some time in an English prison, moved to France, and died a short while later.”

“Was he like us?”

I nod, “He was. The man stopped communicating with him after the allegations were formed, and he went on to marry.”

Jay leaned into me, his cheek on my shoulder, and said, “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for Mr. Wilde. I wouldn’t leave you, Nick. Ever. “

“It won’t come to that, Jay. We’re careful men.”

“Yes,” Jay agreed, and said no more.

“Actually, Jay, could I have some paper?” He beamed, kissed me, and walked over to a drawer.

“You going to write, sweetheart?”

“I got inspired,” I told him simply, quirking an eyebrow.

He played along. “By who? Do tell, Nick?”

I laughed and walked over to him, grabbing his hand to kiss it. “You, Jay.”

“You’re sweet,” he said, handing me a few sheets of paper and a pencil.

“Thank you,” I said, and led him back to the couch. This time, he lay down with his head on my chest. Not the most comfortable position for him to read—or me to write, but it was Jay. Jay, my darling, handsome man.

He fell asleep soon after, and I carefully reached for his glasses and book, marking his place. The cheaters went on the table next to me, and under them I placed the sheets of paper, which had ended up as just a ramble about Jay’s attributes.

I lost myself to sleep, hand curled around his chest. Jay had given me the only thing I needed.

[myhauntedsalem]

BIG BULL TUNNEL

Lost in the sleepy back roads of Virginia along the Clinch Valley extension of the Norfolk and Western Railway, there’s a small rail tunnel no more than two hundred meters long that is home to two ghosts who have been known to say some utterly creepy things to those brave enough to listen. Then there are the noises, like the gates to Hell are open, described by railway flag-man John Peery as sounds “no man could stand”. Welcome to Big Bull Tunnel…

On the afternoon of July 17th of 1905 Peery’s freight train was forced to an abrupt stop just past the tunnel due to mechanical issues. Fearing a collision Peery rushed into the tunnel to set flags at the far end, but only minutes later he emerged shaking and pale.

He reported to the conductor that in the tunnel he had heard those sounds which “no man could stand”. Given his obviously terrified composure both the conductor and the engineer entered the tunnel to investigate. What they found were the groans and screams of agony from invisible men.

All three men determined that the sounds were coming from the solid stone wall. The conductor addressed the phantom or phantoms and to their terror received a response. “Remove that awful weight from my body” was the reply. Some moments of silence passed when another voice stated “They are drinking my blood”.

The daylight allowed for a thorough investigation of the stones, as the engineer had begun to speculate that somebody was hiding behind them playing tricks, but not even a crack on the mortar could be found.

By August the report had made its way to the Pittsburgh Press, which upon investigation discovered that two deaths had occurred in Big Bull Tunnel. In 1901 an engineer named Robert Lemon was caught in a freak accident inside the tunnel when his skull was crushed. In 1904 a flag-man keeping watch on the caboose section was torn from his fast moving train inside the tunnel and did not survive the trip to the hospital, he was married only two months at the time of his death.

Peery and his crew’s experience at Big Bull Tunnel was not the first account of paranormal activity, only the most credible. For some time residents in the area had been reporting “hair-raising” and disturbing sounds emanating from the empty tunnel. By that afternoon in 1905 the tunnel was already well regarded as haunted and even dangerous, and to most reasonable residents considered somewhere they would avoid at all costs.

Today Big Bull Tunnel is just as haunted as it ever was – the sounds are still heard by anybody that goes near and train crews hold their breath as they pass through. Despite being one of the lesser known paranormal locations, Big Bull Tunnel has had a number of investigators visit, looking for evidence or looking for trickery, but neither has been found.