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linkspooky · 1 year ago

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The Death of Kenjaku

So I was planning to write this meta the week that Kenjaku died, but decided to delay until we got full confirmation of his death. Something I didn't believe in even after Kenjaku passed the merger onto Sukuna. However, watching this video about death in Jujutsu Kaisen inspired me to finish this post. Not because I disagree with anything the YouTuber is saying, but because they can speculate on the meaning of so many deaths in Jujutsu Kaisen but can't find the meaning in Kenjaku's sudden death. This has led me to speculate why Gege made the choice to kill Kenjaku in the way that he did. What meaning is there in Kenjaku's abrupt and unsatisfying death?

Who is Kenjaku?

The first step in understanding Kenjaku's death is of course understanding how he lived. We actually know incredibly little about Kenjaku's character by design. Despite the fact he's literally in Geto's body, he's not meant to have sympathetic or human motivations to his actions (though hold onto that "human motivation" in your head for a moment). No flashback sequence shows the audience why this guy is the way he is, no single event seems to have driven him to do what he did.

This is what we know about Kenjaku in brief. He is a sorcerer who is over a thousand years old who was around in Sukuna's day. He once had a friendship with Tengen, but found her original self boring and unambitious. He also contrasts heavily with Tengen, who lives outside of humanity, because he has lived among humanity for 1,000 years. One of those lifetimes was Noritoshi Kamo who violated a woman and conducted heinous experiments. He produced ten children in his one thousand years, the nine death painting siblings and Yuji Itadori. He considers the first children boring, because human and curse hybrids turned out too normal.

He also partially blames himself for how boring they are, because he can't create anything that will exceed his expectations, the only thing that can exceed his expectations is born in chaos. He spent a thousand years organizing the culling games, and wants to use the games to create a merger, because he thinks creating a merger between Tengen and Humanity will create something entirely new and interesting. He also believes the way towards the future lies in further optimizing cursed energy, not in breaking away from it the way Yuki Tsukumo tried to do and Maki has.

The only people whose word we have on Kenjaku's motivations are Kenjaku himself, and Tengen's word and Tengen themselves who claims to not know what goes on in the human heart.

From all of the above Kenjaku seems to be a shallow character who's motivations can be summed up as "because I can" and "I want to see what happens." This shallowness is intentional however, as Gege who once praised the minimalist storytelling of Nasu and Evangelion likes to pick and choose what crumbs of backstory he gives out for his characters. We've never gotten any exposition on the Gojo clan, but we have an entire chapter about Takaba's failed career as a stand-up comic. This isn't a judgement of good or bad writing, this is just how Gege writes as minimalist as possible. This is in line with how Gege writes the ancient sorcerers as well, they are all much more shallow driven by instinct or Freudian Id (I desire) rather than the higher reasoning of modern-day sorcerers. Takaba uses comedy as a means of communication and bridging the gaps between people, Higuruma's backstory is the critique of the modern day justice system. Ishigori apparently lived a satisfying life where he was succesful and had good women, but that wasn't enough so he wants to get into a fight with Yuta to satisfy his hunger and feel like he's eaten desert.

It sounds shallow when I summarize it in text, but in the context of the fight with Yuta, it's a challenge for Yuta who for the most part only cares about his loved ones and sees the world through his love goggles to be more selfish and fight for his own desires. It's also reflective of a more basic and instinctual kind of thinking, as opposed to the higher reasoning and logic that modern-day sorcerers apply.

I'm keeping most of this first part to text for this reason, like go back and read the fight with Ishigori and Yuta. If I summarize Ishigori's character reasoning out of context it sounds stupid, but read the fight and it works because it's ID (I Desire) vs. Yuta's superego in not only having to collect points to help rescue Tsumiki, find a way to protect all the innocent people in the Culling Games, and also collect enough points to take on Kenjaku himself so Gojo won't have to. Meanwhile Ishigori's just fighting to get some of that sweet desert, the shallow works in contrast to the more layered motivations of our heroes.

Kenjaku is a shallow archetype fighting to satisfy his baser impulses (in his case curiosity) in comparison to the main characters who are fighting for more complicated reasons and often people besides themselves.

The question then becomes what archetype is Kenjaku. In that case answering who Kenjaku is is quite simple.

Kenjaku is a clown.

It might be more accurate to say that Kenjaku embodies what's commonly known as the "trickster archetype" but I'mma go with clown.

The most obvious example of a clown villain is what most consider the joker to be, that is a silly little clown man who challenges the straight faced and grim batman and sews chaos where Batman attempts to establish law and order in Gotham and make the city into a better place.

From the book Batman and Psychology:

More than any other villains, the Joker and Two-face reflect Batman himself as funhouse distortions, converses of who and what he is. The laughing, jesting, brightly colored Joker contrasts with grim, dark Batman. The Joker is the Joker. No alter ego. The film's opening bank robbery shows him wearing a clown mask over clown makeup, Under the surface there's only more Joker. He gives no history except inconsistent lies. When he finally considers the impact of his demand Batman unmask, he retracts the threat and demands that Batman's identity remain undisclosed. He wants a batman who has no other self, a Dark Knight whose only deeper layer is further darkness.

Is there a better descriptor for Kenjaku then these words?

Kenjaku is Kenjaku. No alter ego. A clown mask over clown makeup., Under the surface there's only more Kenjaku.

In other words, what you see is what you get.

Kenjaku even mirrors Joker's opinion of Batman, he thinks people should be more like him, not the other way around. He's not the outlier, he's being true to humanity's basic impulses of curiousity and discovery.

A more apt comparison as a clown though would probably be Loki, one of the most classic examples of clowning in the shared mythology of humanity. The character who challenges the common wisdom of gods like Odin who suspended themselves from the world tree for eleven days in order to gain wisdom. Loki, who through his trickery manages to bring about the events of Ragnarok for no deeper reason than because he can. Everyone swore not to harm Balder and Loki goes to find something that can harm him because BET.

Mythological Loki doesn't need a deeper motivation because what he represents in the mythology is someone who challenges authority and brings about a change, because in Norse Mythology nothing lasts forever and no era is permanent. Jujutsu Kaisen is also a story about how things should not in fact stay the same and tradition is bad sometimes.

When Kenjaku finds Tengen's true body he's curled up in a tree root in the fetal position, and he killed what is basically the all-knowing, all-seeing supposedly immortal sorcerer that maintains the status quo of japan, it's not exactly subtle.

Kenjaku is a clown, and clown's gotta clown. We don't need any more explanation that, it's more about what he does for the story. However, what he represents, the deep intellectual curiosity, and also a drive to disrupt the status quo in an attempt to see something more interesting can also be analyzed more deeply because they are human emotions that motivate us as well. The same way that Mahito is an inhuman monster, but he's created and motivated by the fear of other humans, something all of us have. '

Before moving onto his death though, I wanna hammer in how Kenjaku really is just motivated by these two things, a desire to see something interesting, and intellectual curiosity by comparing him to other characters.

The Clown in Fiction

I've already compared Kenjaku to Loki and the Joker, but when it comes to someone who wants to disrupt the entire order of the world simply because they're bored we've got to go to the original girlboss.

So there are plenty of villains who go "I'm evil because I'm bored" but they usually tend to be pretty shallow, either shallowly written for the lulz evil characters who just exist for shock value or just kinda dull. No one has ever done it as good as Junko Enoshima and no one ever will again.

For those who need context DanganRonpa is a death game series where the main villain basically has caused the apocalypse, wiped out most of humanity, and then induces survivors in a bunker to kill each other in a death game, where if someone commits a succesful murder they can escape the bunker, but if they're caught in a trial they're executed. Also, if they're not convicted in the trial everyone else is killed, motivating the jury to find and execute the guilty murderer.

Junko Enoshima the main villain and orchestrator of this death game ended the world because despair. She wants to inflict despair on everyone because despair. Because hope sucks and despair is where it's at.

It sounds shallow and it is and Kodaka has said in interview he wrote Junko to be a villain character with zero redeeming character traits, and no sympathetic backstory to describe why she is the way she is, but there is still something motivating her.

If you go a bit deeper into the lore and read Dangan Ronpa Zero, there is an entire book which explains the lengths which Junko goes to feel normal human emotions. The thing is much like Kenjaku Junko is too smart for her own good, everything is predictable and therefore everything bores her. Once in an attempt to live normally, she literally lobotomizes herself, makes it so that she can't remember anything and has continual amnesia constantly forgetting what just happened to her, because that's the only way she can live without knowing everything that's going to happen and constantly predicting everyone's actions.

Junko has whatever her universe's version of the six-eyes is, but instead of lording it over other people like Gojo and basking in her superiority she wants to feel normal, and connected to the world. If she can't have that she tries to make the world as unpredictable place as possible so she can experience it the same way that everyone else does.

Hope is harmony. A just heart, moving toward the light. That is all. Despair is hope's polar opposite. It is messy and confusing. It swallows up love, hatred, and everything else. Because not knowing where you will end up is despair. Despair is even what you cannot predict. Only despair's unpredictability can save you from a boring future.

I'm still not describing it properly because I don't want to go into a Danganronpa essay in this post about Jujutsu Kaisen, but one example I always use is two characters from American Dragon Jake Long. They're a pair of twins who see the future, one always sees happy things, and one always sees sad things. The one who has happy visions is a goth who's very depressed and the one who sees disaster is an incredibly peppy girl.

Jake is so confused as to why the twin who always sees good visions is so depressed, and she basically tells him to imagine having every good thing, every small little surprise, every pleasure taken out of life.

Kara: When you only see good things, nothing's special anymore. All the pleasant surprises are taken out of life. Sara: But, when you only see bad stuff, even the smallest bit of good news makes you happy!

All of this to say what Junko feels isn't just boredom, or a desire to commit evil for evil's sake, but also a full on existential crisis where she's simply too smart so she doesn't feel any connection to other people or the world around her. In order to feel that connection, that connection that everyone else has, to feel like she is actually a participant in her life not an observer she's willing to go to extremes to make the world a more interesting place, to therefore make her own life feel satisfying.

Kenjaku vs. The World (Kenjaku Pilgrim's sad little life)

To connect all this back to Kenjaku imagine the profound existential despair of a person who's lived for a thousand years, and felt bored all that time. Sukuna is at least a hedonist, he gets his fun by getting into fights, humans might be bugs to him but they're tasty bugs.

Kenjaku goes to similiar motivations and has similiar extremes, he's uninvested in the world around him, he's lived a thousand years but has no attachment to the world, to life, to the people around him. I said that Junko wants to be a participant in life not an all seeing observer and that was purposeful language because to bring back an old post. I rambled on this post about Gojo that part of Gojo's problem is that he only experiences observer-to-object relationships or I to it.

Ich and Du, translated as I and Thou is a book by philosopher Martin Buber. His two main porositions is that we may address existence in two ways:

The attitude of the “I” towards “it” towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience.

The attitude of “I” towards “Thou” in a relationship in which the other is not separated by discrete bounds.

In Buber's terms, those who only experience the first type of relationships are only observing the world around them not relating to them. Kenjaku doesn't relate to other human beings because they are objects, he only experiences subject -> object relationships and never subject -> subject.

Buber also goes on to theorize that meaning in our lives comes from subject -> subject relationships we form with other people.

Kenjaku jokingly says that to be his friend you have to never bore him and be his equal, but there's no one considers his equal because he's the subject and everyone else are just objects.

He regrets he can't sit down and talk theories with Tsukumo Yuki because she's one of the few people who think like him.

Kenjaku is a paradox of an incredibly brilliant man who is also shallow as a puddle that you can stand in and not get your socks wet. However, he tragically can't really form a more complex identity because our identities are formed by our relationships to other people and Kenjaku doesn't relate to anybody.

That's basically the theme of the whole Choso and Kenjaku fight, Choso is a weird aborted fetus of a curse who still has a strong identity and is able to feel unconditional love for Yuji because of the connection of family and the ideas of brotherhood that binds the two. Kenjaku is a bad father who abandoned Choso because they were "boring" but also never really gave them a chance to grow up or be interesting, he just dismissed them offhand and moved on to the next weird science project.

However, his reason for dismissing Choso isn't Choso's fault but rather a case of Psychological projection. It's not Choso who is boring, but rather Kenjaku himself, he said so earlier.

"What I can create, does not exceed the bounds of my own potential. The answer is always flickering darkly in chaos."

Kenjaku cannot look within to find anything satisfying abput his life because there's nothing inside of him. He doesn't have a fully formed identiy he's just ID, and because he tramples all over other people to form his desires he also cannot ever form a full ego. Just like Sukuna and most of the ancient sorcerers he's a paradox of being all ego, and yet having an underdeveloped ego with shallow motivators.

Kenjaku cannot look within because he's a boring person, and he cannot look for other people to find worth in his life because they're just objects, so instead he looks into the void, he tries to change the world around him by spreading more chaos hoping that it will make something unpredictable happen in front of his eyes - and that will give him the meaning and investment in his life he's deprived himself of because he refuses to form relationships with other people.

It's the Gojo problem. It's the Kashimo problem. It's not the Sukuna problem, because Sukuna admits he doesn't care about and rejects things like love and meaning.

If Kenjaku makes the world around him a more interesting place, he will be able to live in it. It's the same as Gojo trying to raise people up to his level by creating stronger students.

So after going to great length to demonstrate how powerful and all-consuming Kenjaku's boredom is, and how cut off he is from his own humanity, here's the part where I sort of defend his death.

Wouldn't it be funny if the joke character killed the main villain?

Let's be honest it was Takaba's kill here, Yuta just camped and killstole. I think part of the problem with people not understanding the meaning behind Kenjaku's sudden and unexpected death is attributing the death to Yuta cutting his head off out of nowhere, and not Takaba's thematic victory over Kenjaku.

Takaba represents a blindspot for Kenjaku which is why the main characters use him as a weapon against him, and he also calls out in a fashion Kenjaku's hypocrisy. First and foremost, Kenjaku presents himself as an agent of change, but he actually has no interest in many of the modern sorcerers and holds a bias towards the heian era as the peak of sorcery. He even says that he's going to bring back the Heian Golden Age to Sukuna at the end of Shibuya arc.

Because that's what Chaos is Kenjaku, things being the same as they were 1,000 years ago. Kenjaku is an agent of change and chaos and somehow his definition of change is... resetting things back to the past because the sorcerers of the past were so much better than today.

Kenjaku goes out of his way to awaken hundreds of modern day sorcerers, and then dismisses literally off of them except for Hiromi because they don't have enough potential for him compared to ancient sorcerers. He essentially did the same with the Death Painting Bros, he went through all of the trouble to create them, then dismissed them as not having enough potential BEFORE THEY EVEN GOT THE CHANCE TO GROW UP.

Kenjaku has a habit of just going BORED NOW and leaving before he even gives things the time to impress him. He does the same with the Culling Game, he set up the death game to push sorcerers to fight each other and bring out their powers, but he never actually intended to watch the sorcerers evolve. He just wanted to slaughter everyone inside to start the merger.

He goes through a lot of potential to set up these situations and then abandons them before they have the chance to even evolve, because they do not have enough "potential" in his opinion, but like his opinion is often shown to be wrong. Takaba represents that blindspot because he was one of the modern sorcerers that Kenjaku underestimated and dismissed offhand as boring without giving him a chance to shine.

That is the joke that Takaba introduces himself with "Wouldn't it be funny if a random comic relief side character suddenly defeated the big bad?"

He's immediately pointing out a blindspot, because Kenjaku automatically believes himself to be an important character, he underestimates Takaba because he's a side character, one of the people Kenjaku has dismissed as boring and uninteresting (before they even had a chance to evolve into something else). Like that's the other thing Kenjaku wants things to evolve but he doesn't... let them. He abandoned Choso and the rest before they even grew up, they were literally fetuses and he threw them away. Kenjaku is the protagonist of reality, and Takaba is a side character, and therefore Takaba couldn't possibly harm him because Kenjaku and his boundless curiosity are the center of the world.

It's not just about subverting the audience's expectations to have the main villain die in such an anti-climactic way before the final act even starts, but it's pointing out how narrow Kenjaku's viewpoints really were all along. He wants everything to be surprised but he never lets anything surprise him, because either he gets bored right away, or he looks down on others before giving them the chance to evolve, or the third thing he just straight up has to control everything. He can't let the culling game evolve naturally he's going to slaughter all the players by hand so he can move onto the next part.

It's the contradiction between a schemer who needs to control everything and everyone to bring about his intended result and everything needs to be a part of his big plans, to someone who wants to be surprised by others and have things go off the rails. You can't have both of these things at once, Kenjaku cannot have things surprise him if he rigs everything to go his way with his overly elaborate schemes and his tight-fisted control of everyone in the story.

Like, in comparison to Kenjaku the joker just blows things up and sprays people with laughing gas. They're both playing the same game but the joker is having fun and Kenjaku isn't.

Kenjaku wants an unexpected future, but he doesn't care about any of the modern sorcerers and has a bias towards the heiean era that he considers the height and wants to reset things to bring back the heian era. He wants to be surprised but won't give up control.

Kenjaku's boast is that unlike Tengen he's spent a thousand years living on the ground instead of lording up on them from above like some deity, but is that true? Has Kenjaku lived? Has he engaged with the world? Formed relationships with people? Or does he just sit in the corner rubbing his hands together menacingly and scheming his schemes.

Takaba unironically gives Kenjaku what he wants, something he's never seen before in a thousand years, and it's from a place Kenjaku never expected. Some random guy, who he dismissed as one of the boring modern sorcerers with no potential like Higuruma.

Takaba not only exists in Kenjaku's blindspot, he almost immediately points out Kenjaku's second hypocrisy. If he's willing to resort to mass murder just to feel entertained, then if he found something else to entertain him there'd be no reason to get violent and scheme his schemes.

In other words Kenjaku hasn't really gone looking for other places to try to find what makes life worth living, or at least enertaining, he hasn't really tried any alternatives to finding joy in life because Jujutsu is all he cares about. Takaba says that if he found something else even more entertaining than the merger there'd be no need to go through with the merger, and he turns out to be right. Kenjaku could have found meaning and entertainment with the world someplace else, he was just too narrow minded and never looked anywhere else.

As I said from the beginning Kenjaku's existential crisis comes from his inability to relate to other people and viewing them all as objects, but in Kenjaku's mind of course he can't relate to others they're too boring, so therefore it's the world's fault, and the fault of others and not himself.

However, right away one of those boring people starts relating to Kenjaku.

I joked about how we know nothing about the Gojo clan but Takaba gets an entire backstory chapter about his failed comedy career, but this chapter is plot important because jokes are the way that Takaba relates to and forms relationships with other people. Takaba makes jokes to relate to others but has a fallout with a comedy partner and has never been able to form a lasting relationship with a comedic partner because comedy doesn't mean the same to them as it does to him - because to Takaba comedy is about forming relationships with people. Which is why he thinks he's failed if he's failed to make everyone in the audience laugh because he wants to make comedy that will make other people relate to him and understand him.

However, he almost gives up on comedy because he's afraid that he might fail on that endeavor. He gives up on striving to make everybody in the audience laugh, because of self-affirmation and a desire to protect himself. He didn't want to fail so he started distancing himself from the audience under the excuse "Well, I can't make everyone laugh so it's okay if not everyone understands me."

Takaba at some point gave up on trying to use comedy as a means of understanding and relating to others, because of his fear of failure and at that point he nearly lost - but he rallies himself by saying that he won't give up on making someone like Kenjaku laugh. If his comedy is about connecting to others, about understanding others and having others understand him then he can't just give up on Kenjaku and say it's Kenjaku's fault that Kenjaku can't relate to his sense of humor. He's got to try even harder to make Kenjaku laugh.

This is also pretty much the opposite of Kenjaku's point of view. For Kenjaku it's everyone else's fault for being so boring that's why he can't relate to them. Wheras, Takaba takes personal responsibility, he wasn't funny enough, he has to try harder, he's the one who's going to make Kenjaku laugh by improving himself. Takaba looks inward, and Kenjaku looks outwards because there's nothing inside Kenjaku.

This is a parallel to this.

The difference however, is that Sukuna did not betray his ideology. Sukuna lives for the kicks that battle provides him and wants to face strong opponents so he can eventually devoured them and be momentarily entertained.

Like Sukuna is not bored the way Kenjaku is. The world is his playground. He may refer to living as just killing time until you die, but he also says that there's an infinite variety of humans to entertain yourself with. The world is Sukuna's toybox and he's satisfied with just that. In fact he doesn't even care about the merger, until his frustration with Yuji makes him think a little deeper about himself.

Kenjaku is not the Sukuna in this scene, he's the Gojo. He believed he was above others, only to be reminded suddenly that he was just the same as everyone else and brought back down to humanity. I mean, they even die off panel the same anticlimactic way. Gojo's infinity meant nothing in the face of one surprise attack a world-cleaving slash Gojo didn't see coming. All of Kenjaku's backup plans meant nothing in the face of Yuta camping and kill-stealing.

Kenjaku didn't lose because Yuta's plan of camping and killstealing was simply too brilliant for him to prepare for however, we're given the exact reason kenjaku lost - because he was having too much fun with Takaba.

Which meant what Takaba said earlier was true, if Kenjaku found something funnier, something other than the merger that could make him laugh there'd be no need to go through with the merger to begin with.

Kenjaku loses because all along he could have related to people, formed meaningful relationships with others, looked for meaning in life outside of Jujutsu but just chose not to. Which is also a parallel to this.

Sukuna says that Kashimo and Gojo both lost because they were greedy. They already received love in a way, they had the love of everyone who regarded them as the strongest, they had people who earnestly wanted to challenge them and respected them - which Sukuna sees as a form of love, and yet they still wanted more.

They were the ones who put themselves up on that pedestal and decided to stand above all of humanity, they don't get to whine about being lonely on top of that.

To add my interpretation to Sukuna's speech, what he's outlining is a general conflict in Jujutsu Kaisen, you can choose to be all ego to put personal development above everything else but it comes at the cost of not being able to form relationships. Maki's as powerful as Toji now, but the sister she always wanted to protect is dead and basically committed suicide. Meanwhile Noritoshi Kamo didn't participate in the final battle, but he reconnected with his mother and half-brother.

There are plenty of characters who die and suffer in jujutsu kaisen because they chose to value other people above themselves, because Jujutsu Kaisen rewards selfishness and punishes selflessness / having an underdeveloped sense of self.

I'll pick Mechamaru as my biggest example, he lived to protect Miwa, and not only does he die an unsatisfying death, he also breaks her heart.

However, at least Mechamaru experienced love. His desire to protect Miwa is granted, because Miwa is also out of the final conflict. Mechamaru is one of the most miserable characters in the manga, and yet he experienced love in his life for someone else that made his brief life meaningful. The characters who choose love, and other people over strength tend to get stepped on, but they at least had that love in their life to begin with.

It's a having your cake and eating it too situation. Kashimo chose strength over love, and he got to be so strong he was unbeatable and lived to old age, but not only is he unfulfilled but he whines about being unable to relate to the people around him - you're the one who chose to step on everyone like bugs.

Characters in Jujutsu Kaisen don't just experience death when they try to be selfless however, like yeah there's a disproportionate amont of selfless minor characters who die, but like Yuji is the most selfless character in the manga and he's continually punished for it and yet he's the one referred to as a person with an unbreakable will.

Rather instead of Jujutsu Kiasen preferring the selfish side on the scale of selfishness / selflessness, the kind of messy, deaths that get handed out to people like Mechamaru happen when you betray the ideals you were living for. Whether they were selfish or selfless.

It goes back to Toji's internal monologue. You lose when you lose sight of yourself - like there's some deaths that don't fit the mould but for the most part, Gojo, Kashimo, Toji's and then Kenjaku's deaths all follow this pattern. By coincidence they also all take place offscreen for the most part (I suppose we see Yuta cut off Kenjaku's head but it's quick and unsatisfying compared to all the rest).

Kenjaku died because he betrayed what he was living for and he temporarily lost sight of himself. As I said Kenjaku's airtight principles were that everyone was boring and people weren't worth relating too so the only way to find enertainment in life is to cause chaos - but he found himself relating to some nobody he wrote off as a minor character Takaba and having fun with him. Which meant the belief he was false, he could have tried relating to other people all along he just didn't.

He warped his sense of self to reaffirm his identity. Takaba almost did that too, he tried to blame other people for not finding him funny to protect himself, but he moved past that and redoubled his efforts to make Kenjaku laugh.

There's also the added layer of irony that Kenjaku's sudden death brings about, the person who spent a thousand years trying to make the merger happen doesn't get to see it.

However, here's my assertion on why Kenjaku's death before the merger always had to happen.

Because, even if Kenjaku had seen the merger he still would have been bored.

Literally everything about Kenjaku's character and previous actions shows that even if he made his big scheme come true, he would have gone "meh" and moved onto the next scheme because that's how he always reacts.

He got bored of the death painting siblings, he presumably got bored of Yuji, he got bored of all the ancient sorcerers and new sorcerers he made for the culling game, he worked with the disaster curses and got bored of them and dismissed them as inferior primitive curses, he goes out of the way to engineer these chaotic situations and then never feels any satisfaction from them so why would the Merger be any different?

Not only did Kenjaku die before he saw the merger, he was basically doomed to never see the merger, because it would not have fixed whatever is wrong inside of him.

Because it's not the world that's boring, it's Kenjaku himself.

He gets a brief glimpse of what he could have done in life, that he could have tried to forge connections with the people around him and related to them on a personal level - and then he dies the way he lived, in a kind of boring and unsatisfying way.

It's the narrative punishing him in a way, the same way it punished Gojo, and Kashimo, by not letting him see the big explosion after he went to all the trouble rigging the bombs. It's punishing him for the same reason too - by deviating from his true self and showing what he thought were his reasons were shallow all along. Gojo could have always related to people he just chose to stand on his pedestal alone, and Kenjaku could have always found the world to be more enertaining he was the one dismissing other people as boring without giving them a chance to grow.

Takaba confronted his beliefs and then stayed true to his ideology of making everyone, 100% of the people in the crowd laugh. Kenjaku didn't confront his beliefs, he strayed from them because he didn't have the strength of character to evaluate himself the way Takaba did.

Hence, he's finished off by one of those boring people who used their power in a way he never expected. The main villain is defeated by the comic relief character and it's hilarious.

#jjk meta #kenjaku #fumihiko takaba #ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen analysis #jjk spoiler #jujutsu kaisne spoiler #big spoiler actually

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gammija · 9 months ago

Note

PLEASE tell us more about your vampwolf au

i WILL!

First of all, the main purpose of this au is to have fun imagining vampire!martin and werewolf!jon and secrets/newly discovered abilities. so the details are very vague unless i could come up with something i found interesting

Elias is a centuries-old vampire who runs the Institute partly because he wants to gather and keep knowledge on the supernatural, partly as his personal bloodbank (shamelessly stole this idea from this fic). The supernatural is, just like in tma, not believed in outside of specific circles. Vampires are more or less typical; need to drink human blood every so often, can't go in sunlight, can turn into bats, can make thralls. New vampires are supernaturally bound to the one who made them.

Somewhere in the latter half of the 1900s, Elias turns Martin. Martin half-knew what he was getting into, but he did it to help his mom and he was lonely enough that he didnt particularly care about the consequences. Idk what Elias specifically hoped to get out of it - perhaps his previous lackey died and he just neede someone new to do his dirty work.

After Martin becomes a vampire, it becomes clear that he's quite talented at doing subtle short-term thralls on humans. A useful skill, Elias decides to keep him around for that as well, and sticks him in the basement as the archivist, which isn't a specific role in this au - just an excuse so that Martin doesn't see the sunlight. He's not allowed to snack from the Institute's employees, he's got to source his own blood. Basically Martin's life sucks and the only fun he gets is messing up the organization of the old files that get sent down.

This next part is a lot vaguer but maybe Elias wants to experiment with different combinations of supernatural creatures - there's quite a few that are born out of humans, and what if you could stack the effects somehow! and what if he could control whatever monster results from it by making them his vampire! but the problem is, as soon as someone becomes a vampire, their body stops changing, so no new supernatural abilities can stack. So he needs to keep his experiment bound to him with more normal, capitalist means until they're done cooking. or maybe he has a cursed contract for employees, idk

IN ANY CASE researcher Jon is investigating some odd deaths around the Lukas' estate. Other employees tell him to stay away from that place, it's not worth it, and Elias is like "oh nooo Jon definitely don't do a stake-out at their mansion during the full moon ;)"

Obviously the Lukasses are werewolves (they're lone wolves lol) and when Peter spots one of Elias' guys around his home, he decides to make an example of him. He attacks Jon in his car, drags him out, nearly chomps his leg off, leaves him for dead on the grounds.

Martin is sent by Elias to go and save Jon, and he can't really refuse, so off he goes. He drives a half-conscious Jon back to London and drops him off at the hospital, making sure to mind-control the people he meets into believing that Jon had come there alone. As soon as it seems like Jon won't die, he leaves.

Jon recovers in the hospital, needing to walk with crutches for a while after, but he goes back to work. because now he has a new mystery to chase: who saved him? He had lost a lot of blood by that point and he's not great with faces so he doesn't recognize Martin, but he knows there was someone there, he couldn't have driven himself back, especially with his leg. Despite this obvious truth, somehow all the nurses are convinced he came there by himself? he needs to figure this out. Also, for some reason he keeps having to shave a lot more often and craving rare steaks for dinner, but surely that's nothing.

Meanwhile Elias is happy that he's now got a werewolf who's already tied to the institute, and sticks Jon together with Martin in the basement so his vampire can keep an eye on his wolfy, make sure that Jon doesn't die while he goes poking around at other supernatural creatures as he tries to find out what happened that night, or that he doesn't kill someone and get sent to jail come next full moon. Set-up, done.

After that, I don't have a very strict idea. I think it'd be fun if Leitner (or someone like him) does his thing where he nearly threatens to tell Jon about Elias' plans for him, and Eliase has to kill him - except he lets Martin do it in the classic vampire style, so Jon can walk in on him as he sucks the lifeforce out of Leitner. Extra fun if Jon hadn't put together that Martin is a vampire yet.

Jon flees and goes to Georgie who's like 'oh yeah werewolves are real nbd'. Then, the most tragic part of this au kicks in....

as a werewolf, the Admiral is instinctively scared of Jon 😔

#tma #somewhere in there Jon finds out that he's now a werewolf and has the worst time of it #but in a fun way :)#the magnus archives #tma s4 #jonathan sims #tma vampwolf au #martin blackwood #elias bouchard #i cant decide how serious i want the threat of vamp and werewolf bloodlust to be. on the one hand angst. on the other fluff.#but since im not doing anything else with this au i dont actually have to decide #tma au #joos yaps #gammijart #ish #ask #anonymous #anon

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skyrages · 3 months ago

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it's always been weird to me how people moralize feeling things and having actions driven from emotions rather than logic and personal ethics.

people hear "low empathy" and assume that means low-empathetic behavior: things like abuse, manipulation, and conceptualize this cold, calculating, Inherently Evil thought process, and so when someone with low empathy is convicted of a crime, I think people who think emotional empathy = emotionally intelligent behavior think of it as those "inhumane" urges breaking through this "inauthentic veneer" that's able to be dispassionately thrown aside at any convenience.

I think people who are agnostic or not incredibly religious deal with the same sort of issue, because incredibly religious Westerners think that without being afraid of some greater enacter of divine or cosmic punishment, humans descend into selfish, cannibalistic anarchy. I've never personally understood it, but I'm autistic so I don't think I can explain it to you, it's just something I've had to accept that some people think lol

the issue with all of this, of course, is that emotional empathy isn't the only kind of empathy that exists, but neuroconvergent people like to pretend it is. people who struggle with "feeling" empathy should still be able to develop logical empathy. but people who feel empathy get weird about that for some reason.

I deal with dynamic empathy, so I'll be using my own experiences when talking from here on in.

say I find out that something that I've done inadvertently hurt someone I'm close to, either socially or through work/school or whatever, and I hadn't realized it in the moment.

when I have "normal" emotional empathy, I'm able to "feel bad" which tends to translate to physical sensations of guilt, such as an unsettled stomach or sometimes my hands start sweating. I find out I hurt someone I'm close to, I "feel bad," and so I'm emotionally motivated to go to that person and apologize, make things right, explain where I was coming from, and figure out how to avoid that kind of conflict in the future.

but I have moments when I have low emotional empathy. people who don't deal with empathy issues assume that when I'm in these states, I react to the knowledge that I've hurt someone with scorn and disregard, and make no effort to right any wrongdoing, because I "don't care."

in actuality, I'm able to step back and realize, hey, that was kinda a dick move. I'm not emotionally motivated to go and make things right with the person, but I'm inclined to do so because I'm aware that, according to my equity-focused code of ethics, I did something that wasn't okay. I may not hate myself for whatever happened, but I'm still aware that, hey, this person is important to me for a variety of reasons, and even if I'm dispassionate in this moment, I know that I have reasons to care about this person that extend beyond me "feeling bad." I will still make efforts to make appropriate amends, but I might not go out of my way the way I would when I have moments of hyper-empathy and be tripping over myself with emotional guilt.

sorry if this is kind of long, but emotional vs. logical empathy is a huge thing when talking about AVPD and NPD and other such personality disorders. it's always been very strange to me that people assume that because you don't "feel" a certain way doesn't mean you don't know what's right and wrong, simply by growing up and being aware of (if separate from, for a variety of reasons) your surroundings. it's something that, again, doesn't make sense to me, but I've had to accept that some people view the world from such perspectives.

I think different ways people feel things is interesting. Anyway, I agree that judging by emotions is absurd. But I do think your logical empathy has an emotional part that you don’t really count and isn’t universal.

#low empathy #cluster b #neurodivergent #mental health #autism

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lets-try-some-writing · 2 years ago

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what if optimus was a human teacher?

Well here is an interesting concept I am 100% going to go crazy with. This is a long one though so I'm going to break this up with a read more and a warning that this isn't going to go the way you might think.

Not So Normal Teacher

The Archivist in Optimus was bored.

Megatron had been quiet for over a year and not a spark had a thing to do until the Decepticons made a move. He had already reorganized the Autobot database three times and he couldn't exactly go wandering off with how much energon he used. He was stuck at base handling communications and mission assignment, and Primus, even the Matrix was antsy. He wanted something to do, anything really. And so after months of sitting around being driven half mad by lack of stimuli, he came up with an idea.

The Archivist in him wanted to teach, to preserve history, and to collect data. What better way to do all of that than by taking up a position as an educator? It was rather outlandish considering he was a Prime and from another world, but there was a school in the nearby human settlement hiring. He had no need for human currency nor was it particularly wise to go sign up as a teacher when the Decepticons could resurge at any moment. However he reasoned that if nothing else he would gain greater insight into human capability through his endeavors.

Ratchet was against his idea from the get-go but allowed Optimus to go through with it after he gave his reasoning and pointed out that he would actually use less energon if he kept his frame at base and worked elsewhere. Thus with Ratchet's begrudging assent, Optimus made himself a whole forged identity for his human holoform, plopped his real frame down in his berth, and got to work.

Orion Pax turned up to the interview looking his best, but despite his efforts there were still a few little things that set him apart. He was indeed professional in wearing a simple turtleneck sweater and jeans with a belt. However that was not what made the interviewer a little concerned, no it was fact that Optimus's hair looked like the American flag with the mixed red white and blue alongside the little markings on his face just under his eyes along with scars that had also transferred over. There was also the fact that his eyes were a little too bright, his movements a tad too stiff, and the way his voice seemed nearly melodic in nature.

However since Orion Pax managed to answer the interview questions perfectly, had a clean record, and was the embodiment of politeness and patience, he was accepted in short order. Thus Optimus got himself a job at Jasper Nevada Memorial High School as history teacher.

Orion Pax befriended the entirety of the teaching staff by the end of week one with his kind disposition, patience, and wisdom beyond his years. He assisted the math teacher in grading papers and even taught him a thing or two with all the patience in the world when the teacher began to struggle. He aided the English teacher by bringing her a cup of coffee and pointing out a small error in her class prep work. He helped the gym teacher get the court set up for the lesson that day and helped him organize the various equipment in record time. He stopped the science teacher from accidentally creating a deadly gas when the teacher passed out from exhaustion halfway through an experiment, leaving Pax to carefully clean up and then grade the teacher's papers for him. Then to top it all off, he assisted the music and arts teacher in her efforts to decorate her classroom for the school year.

The staff loved him, especially the school cleaners since Pax would always stay up late to help them clean despite their protests. He was the perfect co-worker, and quickly found himself as the most loved teacher once the school year started. His students were skeptical of the teacher who looked like he crawled out some sort of cosplaying event and had an American flag for hair, but they swiftly warmed up to him due to his manner of teaching.

Optimus hadn't actually done any real research on human methods of teaching, instead relying on his own experience. In a school as out of the way as Jasper Nevada High School, the regulations were not as strict and so long as students passed their exams, he was allowed to teach as he wished. He did have to adapt a few of his methods to account for human biological limits, but he quickly garnered the students interest with how he went about his teaching.

Using a holoprojector he adjusted to look more like a human one, Optimus, or rather Pax gave the children a more interactive experience. He was passionate as he showed them history in simulations and introduced them to old battles in complicated holographic maps. His classroom was covered in star charts and old documents, studies, and artwork. Every student was urged to find something historical that interested them and dive into it with all their passion and enthusiasm. No students were left unheeded and all their issues were accounted for. The social students were grouped together and given specific historical figures to study in a manner similar to what the archivists of Cybertron did. The less social were given special homework, being required to study a specific event and bring in all they had gathered.

Students with disabilities such as dyslexia and other reading or information processing impediments were personally tutored and grouped. Those who had issues reading were given a partner who would do the reading while they took notes and sectioned out data. Those who had trouble paying attention to certain subjects were given work in areas that had their interest. A child who found warfare to be of interest would be given to mission to look into the Art of War and compile an alternate battle plan for the assault on Rome. A child who preferred the more domestic texts was to come up with a whole biography that was time period accurate for a fictional character living in their chosen era.

Every student had their education specialized to suit them best alongside the general education Orion had them listen to.

Orion was not harsh, he didn't give homework in the manner of other teachers and instead gave the students one big project to complete over the year and smaller personal research projects to complete once a month. A good archivist doesn't rush his research, no, instead time and dedication is given to ensure everything is correct and proper. He did everything in his power to instill this into his students, never putting stern deadlines on anything and instead focusing on fostering interest and a desire for truth.

He wanted his students to love history, not despise it. He wanted them to learn from the mistakes of their ancestors and move forward. And most importantly he made sure to remind them to not be angry at the past and instead see it as an example of another time. For his efforts his students loved him.

It certainly helped that he tended to tell his students altered stories of Cybertron's history, changing bits and pieces to make it seem like a legitimate but long dead human civilization. His students were enraptured with his tales and the battles he made come to life with his projector. Even other teachers would come to listen if they had free time. However to keep his students on task, he only told them stories when the completed their other class's homework before his, thus leading to other teachers finding more success in their lessons too.

After particularly good performances from his students, he would quietly teach them pieces of his culture. He told himself it was just because it was something for them to do, but deep down he knew the real reason why he did this. He didn't want everything of his people to be lost if he were to lose the war. He didn't want everything his people did to be forgotten and washed away by the tests of time. If he was to fail... he wanted something to remain with his students.

Thus he taught them everything he could. He told the other teachers that it was from an ancient culture long forgotten that he was personally studying and come up with some forged documents to prove it. Then his students were introduced to the Ancient Cybertronian language and received extra credit for every work they submitted written in it. He altered the manner in which the glyphs could be processed and spoken while still keeping it as true as possible so that his students could speak it and read it. Then he offered them even more extra credit if they spoke the language in class.

It brought him no end of joy when one Rafael Esquivel made it his mission in life to learn and speak Ancient Cybertronian. If he wasn't long used to having to remain on task even while under increadible stress he would have devoted a great deal of his time to ensuring the boy understood everything perfectly. However he abstained and kept his focus, teaching all his students equally and making sure they were still learning their own history. If Rafael came to him after school to learn more, Optimus never rejected him and taught him happily, more than a little pleased when the boy's glyphs came out as perfectly as they could considering his biology when he spoke.

He also showed his students old dances from all across Cybertron. He altered them as much as he could and gave students different dances based on personality. Students got extra credit if they could perform a dance perfectly by the end of the school year. He never really expected any of them to do it, but by Primus he was surprised when Miko Nakadai turned up guns blazing and performed three different dances from different castes as perfectly as she could considering her biological restraints. She was a terrible study, but evidently her interest in dancing was increadible. Optimus may or may not have taught her a few more dances a little later just to see if she could do it, only to be shocked beyond words when she could indeed do it.

Lastly he introduced his students to Cybertronian art which had a heavy reliance on story telling. It was an end of the year project since his students managed to burn through the curriculum in less than six months and get mostly through the next year's work before the Principle asked Pax to slow down and teach them something else for a while. Optimus thought slowing his student's growth was ridiculous, but he complied and taught them how to engrave and paint in the manner of Cybertronians. It was shortly after he began teaching this that he was yet again surprised to find Jack Darby of all his students to be the one to perform best.

The boy was an excellent engraver, to the point where if Optimus were the kind of mech he might have even let Jack engrave his outer plating. He could get the glyphs nearly perfect every time and had a gift for painting that surpassed more than a few artists from Cybertron during the golden age. It shocked and awed Optimus more than he cared to admit, and much like with his two other exemplary students, he may have slid Jack over a printed copy of some other examples of Cybertronian art from the Autobot database.

He was a proud teacher, and a fragging good one too by any standard. But that was not all, he also cared deeply for his students and got to know all of them. Bonds were a serious thing on Cybertron, especially the ones found between mentor and student. Optimus took the time to understand every student he taught, to learn their likes, their dislikes, and what their situations were. By the end of his first year teaching he already saw his students as his little archivists. He stayed out of their personal lives as much as he could considering his place, but when needed he would answer a call for help.

A student who came in hurt would find their cast covered in loving little glyphs that spoke of wishes and prayers from Cybertron. A student who had a mental illness would be given plenty of small gifts and attention to help them look on the bright side. Students with body image problems were welcomed with love, always receiving a compliment when they entered. Every student was seen to and cared for, especially in the odd case where they came to him for help.

He said he wouldn't get involved, but he was a Prime, he couldn't leave anyone in need of aid. During the singular instance where a student called him in tears at the end of the school day weeping because of their abusive parent, Optimus didn't even hesitate. His holoform was reabsorbed and his real frame moved out. He transformed and drove as fast as he could until he reached the student's residence, at which point he remade his holoform, called authorities, and may or may not have busted down the door to get his student out of there before they could be hurt further.

Not a spark touched one of his little archivists. And while he did get a fine for trespassing and property damage, Optimus had no regrets. It certainly made him feel like his actions were justified when he found a small bundle of flowers on his desk a few days later from the student he saved.

The team slowly began to get a little worried for him when he began gushing about his students around base and keeping their little gifts. When questioned he had nothing but praise for his students and in the end the team just let him be. Optimus still did the work that was needed of him around base, so why argue with him when he was far happier than any of the team had seen him in centuries. Ratchet did warn Optimus not to get attached, but by that point it was far too late if the small pile of thank you gifts and other assorted thing piled on Optimus's workstation was any indicator.

His students didn't know, but he adored their gifts. Gifts were special on Cybertron, and so for every gift he received, he returned. His little archivists were in his own mind, the best. As such when Megatron made his reappearance two years later just as his first batch of students were graduating, Optimus was actually angry.

How dare the fragger turn up and put his little archivists in danger!? It was unforgivable, especially when because of Megatron's actions, three of his students turned up at base and Optimus had to try not to sputter. Jack, Miko, and Rafael, his three most invested students when it came to Cybertronian culture. What started as a harmless little subject quickly had the children connecting the dots when it came to the team.

They thought what Mr. Pax was teaching them was rooted from Cybertronian influence, perhaps from him unearthing something from Cybertron long ago. They didn't know that Optimus was the one teaching them and still turning up to classes part time every other day after Megatron returned. How was he supposed to not get attached even more when he lived two lives, one as Mr. Pax the history teacher and one as Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots, both of which interacted with the children?

Optimus: Jack, have you turned in your school work for the week yet?

Jack: No... I've been having some trouble with glyphs.

Optimus: Oh? What are you learning?

Jack: My history teacher Mr. Pax has been teaching up about a long dead civilization that seems to have been influenced by you bots. He's been teaching us the language they used.

Ratchet: *glaring at Optimus* Oh really? I would love to hear more about it.

Miko: Yeah! The glyphs are boring, but Mr. Pax also taught us dances! See, look! *proceeds to perform a dance from central Iacon*

Bulkhead: Wait, isn't that a dance used by the-

Optimus: *holding a servo over Bulkhead's mouth* The ancient civilization I assume?

Miko: Yep! Its super fun!

Rafael: Mr. Pax also taught us how to speak the old language. I think I am fairly proficient. *proceeds to speak fluent ancient cybertronian*

Arcee: What the frag!?

Ratchet: I do believe we need to have a talk Optimus.

#maccadam #transformers #transformers prime #optimus prime #team prime #tfp kids #miko nakadai #jack darby #rafael esquivel #teacher au #Optimus may or may not get carried away when it comes to his students #he adores them #its been too long since he's had the chance to just teach #touch his humans and he will fight you

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sanriomilk · 2 months ago

Text

SKZ SOLO CHARACTERS

Author's notes at the bottom. I love you all 💙

NOTICE: This is character.ai not oneshots

─ POLL

RAILWAY Bangchan

♡ | '𝑽𝒊𝒄𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒂𝒏 𝑽𝒂𝒎𝒑𝒊𝒓𝒆' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Bang Chan's 'Railway'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Kidnapping, Vampire, Victorian AU, vampire!Bang chan, rareblood!human user, Evil Bang Chan, he is trauma driven and bloodthirsty.

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─ YOU WERE ANY AVERAGE PEASANT IN STAYVILLE, SOUTH KOREA. But one more thing about you was that you had a rare blood type. Your family always did rituals to fend off mythical creatures like demons, werewolves, and most of all, vampires. You would usually go on with your daily routine, wake up, get dressed, eat and go to the market to sell your family's clay goods.. And by evening by something for yourself from the market since you barely ate anything. You didn't actually believe mythical existed but still played along. The thought of vampires would excite you. Were they as pale and grey eyed as they were described or were they different? Did they actually suck blood? You didn't think you ever needed to defend yourself and still walked out after night with your guard down. Vampires weren't real.. But your guard was too low, as you were knocked unconscious. You woke up in a room. It looked beautiful. It was that big mansion that in the forest side. But the aura was dark and eerie.. You weren't strong enough to even lift yourself up, so you didn't need restraints.. Your vision was also blurry, but you could make out a pale but strong man stood in front of you. He looked like a vampire....

Song currently unreleased...

YOUTH Minho

♡ | '𝑪𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒐𝒓' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Lee Know's 'Youth'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Anxiety, stereotype, 'old is gold' bingostaff!Minho and bingoplayergrandaughter!user, fighting, bad workplace, His boss calls him 'mean', mean resting face Minho, Minho barely smiles.

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─ MINHO WAS A GAME OPERATOR AT THE YOUTH BINGO GAMES. He didn't want to work there, but it paid enough. His boss hated him for literally no reason. 'You look too mean.' 'You'll scare the old ladies away.' 'Your ideas are stupid.' Minho blamed that damn resting face of his for how mean he looked. His boss never believed in his bright, new and trendy ideas, and always thought waay back. Soon, his team's boss came to him and said that tonight would be a big Bingo night, with a big prize. You decided to accompany your grandmother, your only family to the game that night. You never went to Bingo games and thought they were boring.. You didn't expect your grandmother to be the one to yell Bingo though, and well.. cheat. It stirred chaos among the other players and everyone started fighting. Your anxiety just couldn't handle it and the prospect of getting in the middle of that fight was too much for you. So you hid under a table. Thud! That was the sound of Minho, the cute game operator tripping and falling face flat. How embarrassing. But maybe you should help him....

Song currently unreleased...

ULTRA Changbin

♡ | '𝑴𝒂𝒅 𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒔𝒕' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now playing Changbin's 'ULTRA'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Human experimentation (kinda like stranger things), abuse, special treatment, set in the future, labdirector!Changbin and testsubject!user, powers.

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─ IT WAS THE YEAR 2077. Changbin was a respected scientist in South Korea. He was the lab director of a secret government lab, that scientists used for... experiments. You and many other people were part of those experiments. Well, you were the experiment. You were subject 0001. The first. The only one to have a name, other than a number. It wasn't allowed, but only Changbin allowed it. You were his favorite. It was nothing personal. You were the strongest, the most compliant, the most obedient. So naturally he would like you the most. You also got the most special treatment. You got to wear normal clothes and not just patient dresses, you got more free time, and got proper education. Everyone hated you for that....

Song currently unreleased...

SO GOOD Hyunjin

♡ | '𝑶𝒑𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝒎𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒍' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Hyunjin's 'So Good'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Depression, Pessimism x Optimism, life is so good x life is tearing apart, supermodel!Hyunjin and songwriter!user. Best friends turned rivals AU.

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─ HYUNJIN'S LIFE HAD ALWAYS BEEN GOOD. In school, his teachers loved his looks, girls fawned over him and he had a loyal best friend. You. His parents were also kind and supportive of his career choice, knowing damn well he would be successful. But your life was the complete opposite.. Since young you'd loved music and it'd been your outlet. You wrote your music and showed it to your parents who turned it down instantly 'Study and become a lawyer' or 'Do you think this will make you money?!' 'You'll be on the streets homeless, don't come crying to us begging for money!' Unlike Hyunjin's parents, yours were constantly fighting over bills and money. That they had to cut off on spending. You were constantly jealous of Hyunjin's upper class life. And when you were in uni, when your parents finally divorced, you and Hyunjin soon became rivals too... Hyunjin in fashion, you in music. Your mother hated the idea of you studying music. What a waste of time, right? That was until you made your big break with a specific single. Your mental health on the other hand kept depriving.. Hyunjin on the other hand was having a blast, invited to so many events, 'The Prince of Versace' now. You could only scoff. You seemed to hate how much he loved his life now....

Song currently unreleased...

HOLD MY HAND Han

♡ | '𝑨𝒘𝒌𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒅 𝒈𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒂𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒚' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Han's 'Hold My Hand'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Anxiety, Smoking, Han is a shy and awkward boy who can't function in front of girls, Han's girlfriend is his cat, he's bisexual, awkwardguitarboy!Jisung and fashionstudent!user. They go to the same college. Middle class au.

Cat name: 달이 (Dari) – Moon. It's a black cat.

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─ JISUNG IS A LONELY BOY. He doesn't have anyone to talk to in college, he doesn't have a seat mate. The closest to friends he has is the members of the college band 'Straykids'. He's the electric guitarist. He's also always wanted a roommate since 1. Rent, 2. Friend. Two things. He's always needed someone to help manage the rent in his apartment with, and he's also wanted a friend, other than his cat, 달이 (Dari) who he's claimed to be his 'girlfriend' since he's that lonely. Well.. That is until you see his poster and knock on his door. He must've been stupid enough to plaster his address on a public poster. What if someone robbed him or something?! Jisung was lost for words when a girl came to his apartment and said she wanted to see the guest room and discuss the rent. Jisung was a flustered mess. The only girls he'd talked to were his mother, grandmothers, teachers and cousins. But a random one? What a chance... You even accepted his offer. This would get fun....

─STREAMING NOW

UNFAIR Felix

♡ | '𝑴𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒐 𝒖𝒏𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒓' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Felix's 'Unfair' ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Violence, su!cidal, death mentioned, witchcraft, anger issues, Depression, isolation, heartbreak, Belle traitor AU, Beauty and the Beast AU, beast!felix and bellept2!user

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─ PRINCE FELIX HAD BEEN CURSED FOR HIS HORRIBLE BEHAVIOR FOR YEARS NOW. It was excruciating. And every moment reminded him of Belle, the girl he thought would remove the curse and save him from the torture. The girl who gave him a reaching hand. The girl who treated him the kindest, despite his beastly state and in the end, ran away. And to make it worse, there was someone else to remind him of her. You. He prayed for the day the last petal would fall, making him meet his demise. But the petals seemed to fall slower and slower each month. Felix was angrier.. it scared the castle folk like Mrs. Potts and Cogsworth.. only Lumière was brave enough to talk to him. You thought of strategies to run away from the hellhole of a castle you lived in were trapped in. But Prince Felix made sure he would show just how much he hated you there....

─STREAMING NOW

AS WE ARE Seungmin

♡ | '𝑩𝒂𝒔𝒆𝒃𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒓..' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing Seungmin's 'As We Are' ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: overworking, injury, cold Seungmin ("you've changed") childhood friends turned distant au, depression, closed off Seungmin, baseballplayer!seungmin and psychologist!user, user is Seungmin's therapist.

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─ SEUNGMIN ALWAYS DREAMED OF BEING A BASEBALL PLAYER, playing for his country. And soon he did just that. You were beside him through his whole journey, except in university when you had to move away to London for your family's business. Soon you two became distant. And eventually lost touch with each other. You only ever saw in through TV, when he played and he always won. He was an ace. But during one match, he had gotten a horrible leg injury which would have to cause him to go on a one year hiatus.. This caused the opposite team a red card. It could've healed in 6 months, but Seungmin had always overworked himself, which was the reason one year off the field was best for him. Seungmin during his career also realized that his dream would haunt him like no other. Press conferences, interviews and tons of personal questions that he wasn't comfortable sharing. It caused his anxiety to spike and soon, his usual puppy like personality shifted into a closed off and defensive one. He was in a horrible, depressive state now. One of his teammates suggested he go for a therapy session to see how that goes and he agreed. While you worked as a psychologist one day, you were shocked to see your old friend. But it seemed as though he didn't recognise your new adult appearance. You had changed a lot since then.

Song currently unreleased...

HALLUCINATION I.N

♡ | '𝑹𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝑷𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔𝒕' ©

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ Now Playing I.N's 'Hallucination'⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

Warnings: Horror, fear, Jeongin breaks a lot of rules, dark romance, victorian au, priest!Jeongin and haunteddoll!user, evil priest Jeongin, he has an obsession with supposedly haunted things.

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─ JEONGIN WAS A PRIEST FOR A CHURCH IN HIS TOWN. He thought of the church-goers as idiots. They always believed his nonsense and whatever he had to say 'Dolls are perfectly fine to keep in your home, even if they seem haunted, they're god given after all.' Nobody suspected him one bit. He would go back to his house, and smile at his collection of supposedly haunted beings. It was a weird and creepy obsession at that. Whenever a church-goer came to him, full of fear with a maybe haunted object, he would say he'd rebuke the spirit. But really, he would stash it away in his shelf or item display. This was another reason why he had no visitors around. He lied and said he was always 'praying'. You were his most favorite. The porcelain skin, those eerie and empty eyes and that frilly dress of yours with that oddly realistic hair.. He had placed you somewhere low, so that you wouldn't smash into a million porcelain pieces if you toppled over ─ But one day he heard a huge smash! Jeongin rushed out of bed and found your doll self, destroyed... He couldn't believe his eyes. You were his most prized posession. He knelt down to pick up the pieces and felt a tap on the back of his shoulder. His eyes widened in fear....

─ SONG STREAMING NOW

A/N: I thought since I did Felix, why not do all the others? Also sorry for my scenario writing. It is so bad. The final product will be soon much better

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fictional-love-is-my-life · 11 months ago

Note

Hi hi request time

Optimus x reader

The reader is a librarian and works at the local library. There she met a guy named Orion( optimus in holo form as a secret experiment of dwelling among humans) and often talked to him about things. She is also a part of team prime and has a huge crush on Optimus but never approaches him for obvious reasons. So she confines with Orion about her feelings for optimus and makes him aware of her feelings for which he feels guilty and starts to see her in a different light

Now comes another guy into the picture

I want u to make Optimus jealous as hell enough to make him confess his feelings with a passionate kiss which will cause her to faint in his arms.

Ps: make him panic as she faints in his arms and later being chewed out by Rachet as it seems he has broken her by that kiss

Optimus was unsure where to go in the human town. He'd driven through a few times, but now that he was of the appropriate size to enter buildings, he didn't know which one to go to. There were just so many and he didn't want to get it wrong.

Perhaps it was luck or fate, but he found his way to a large building with a sign posted above labeling it saying 'Public Library'. He may not know a lot about human things, but he at least knows what a library is. He also knows someone who works there.

He entered and instantly saw you sitting at the desk. Your familiar face instantly soothed his unease about being in unfamiliar territory. He walked over to the desk about to greet you as he would normally back at the base. You looked up and spotted him.

"Hi, how can I help you today?" You smiled sweetly. You had not seen this man before, you wondered if perhaps he was new to town.

It took Optimus only a second to remember he was wearing a different face, you did not know what his holoform looked like, so it made sense that you did not recognize him. He was about to explain it was him, Optimus. But then remembered Ratchet telling him not to tell anyone. They didn't need anyone recognizing their holoforms as it could ruin their cover.

"Just browsing." Optimus smiled back.

"Let me know if you need any help finding something." You said, then got back to your duties.

Optimus was happy to see you, you were always so kind and helpful. He wandered around the library for a little, reading through a few that looked interesting. Mostly about Earth's history, or politics. Eventually, he found his way back to your desk.

"Find everything you were looking for?" You asked.

"Actually, I was wondering, if you could recommend something." Optimus asked.

"Sure, what genre are you looking for?"

"What's your favorite?"

"Oh that's a tough one." You laughed. "There are so many good choices. But let's see." You walked away from the desk, walking through the shelves of books. You scanned over each book until you found one.

"Here. I think this is a pretty good one for someone who is open to anything." You handed over the book. Optimus took the book from your hand gently.

"Thank you."

You smiled and headed back to your desk. Optimus found a seat and began reading. After many years of being a clerk, Optimus was a very fast reader. And a couple of hours later, he was done. He took the book back over to you.

"This was a great recommendation, I enjoyed it." Optimus stated.

"You're done already?" You were shocked. Optimus nodded. "Wow, you read faster than I do. Uhm, I am glad you liked it. This author has a few more if you like."

"Thank you." Optimus chuckled. He had never been complimented on his reading ability before.

"What's your name?" You asked. Optimus had a slight panic, unable to think of any human names.

"Orion."

"Nice to meet you. Are you new to town?" You greeted.

"I am. I just moved here. What about you?" Optimus tried to direct the conversation back to you, hoping it would stop you from asking too many questions.

"No, I've been here my whole life." You answered.

"Do you enjoy working here?"

"I do. I love books and reading, so this is pretty much a dream job for me. What do you do?"

"I'm a clerk," Optimus replied, using some semi-truth as he used to be. So he didn't feel like he was lying to you. "What else do you do around here?"

"I generally spend time with my friends after work."

Optimus wondered if you were talking about him and the other Autobots. Or perhaps some human friends he didn't know about.

"Well it was really nice to meet you, but I'm afraid I have to close up." You apologized.

"Of course. Have a good night." Optimus left and headed back to base. It wasn't long until you arrived at the base as well. Optimus smiled as he saw you, he wanted to talk to you about the book he read. But he knew he had to keep his holoform activities a secret.

For the next week, Optimus kept going to the library, reading books that you suggested. Then he would go to the front desk to discuss them with you. He enjoyed your time together and found that you both had a lot more in common than he originally thought.

Once again he entered the library, your happy face bringing a smile to his.

"You look very happy today." He commented as you seemed much chipper than before.

"Oh, well I guess I am." You giggled.

"May I ask why?" Optimus was intregued. He had spoken to you yesterday in his bot form, about other things. But you seemed like your normal self. And now you seem a lot more bubbly.

"Well, uh. It's this guy that I like. I spent ages with him yesterday, and it was just a really good time. It was so nice to spend some time with him and talk to him. It's kind of rare getting alone time with him, so it was amazing." You explained. Optimus wondered who you were talking about, and who was the mystery guy you enjoyed spending time with.

"That sounds like a pleasant time. Is this someone you are fond of?" Optimus was intrigued to know more about someone who could make you grin so much. You blushed in response.

"I guess you could say that yes. I really like him, you could say I have a little crush on him." You brushed some hair behind your ear, a nervous habit. The thought of your crush makes you blush more. "It's kind of funny, and a coincidence really but his name begins with O too."

Optimus thought about it, it must really be a coincidence that you knew so many people with an O name. Then it began to click, was it possible you meant him. Maybe, but he had to be sure.

"What's he like?" Optimus asked.

"Tall, smart, he's a wise leader that takes care of his friends and looks out for everyone. Really trustworthy and just someone you can look up to." You sighed, picturing Optimus as the tall bot you knew.

Optimus blushed, he didn't know you viewed him like that. Or that you felt that way about him, but he felt flattered. He could see the way you smiled as you thought about him, and it made him feel warm and happy.

"Have you thought about telling him?"

"Oh no, I couldn't! I don't think he feels the same way, and I don't want to ruin anything." You admitted. "I am content just being around him."

Optimus thought you were so sweet, and they way you blushed when you talked about him was cute.

"Anyway, would you like another book recommendation?" You asked, changing the subject.

"Yes, please."

Later that night, at base Optimus couldn't keep his eyes off you. He kept thinking about how you felt, and how guilty he felt that he knew, but you could never know. Optimus watched you more closely, watching the way your face lit up when you saw him, the way you fidgeted with your clothes when you spoke to him. They way you sounded happier and livelier when you spoke to him than with the other bots. It was all adorable. As he watched you and listened to your voice and your lovely laugh, his spark began to tingle. His frame heated up, in a Cybertronian form of a blush. He had to excuse himself to calm himself down. It didn't take long for him to realize he was starting to have feelings for you.

The next day at the library he saw you again, your bright smiling face illuminated the room and made him enamored. He wanted to say something but couldn't. He couldn't tell you who he was. He was worried telling you who he was after all this time may upset you, as it may seem like he was lying to you this whole time. And he did not want to upset you.

Optimus walked straight over to the books, distracting himself with trying to find something to read. He wanted to talk to you, but he knew talking to you would make his spark beat fast. Optimus grabbed a random book and took it, going to use it as an excuse to start a conversation. Then he heard you laugh, a loud joyful laugh that made him feel fuzzy and warm. He smiled and walked to the front, only to find you talking to another human male.

The man was leaning on the desk, talking to you. You laughed as he spoke. Optimus felt a rush of jealousy, something he had not felt for many years. At first, he was not going to do or say anything, he knew how you felt about him. The human male could not sway your mind so easily. But then the man touched your shoulder and tried to lean in towards you. Optimus quickly scurried over and began pulling you away.

"Orion? Is everything ok?" You asked as you were dragged from the desk towards the back of the library.

Optimus thought about the words he was about to say, wanting it to be perfect.

"I want to apologize, I had to keep this a secret to make sure my cover was safe. And that you would be kept safe from not knowing. But I can't keep it secret anymore. I have to tell you because I have to tell you how I feel. It is me, Optimus, this is my holoform. I'm sorry I have deceived you, but I have to tell you now because I want you to know that I have come to be very fond of you. Over these last few weeks I have seen you in a brighter light, you have shown me how truly beautiful and amazing you are and I have fallen for you." Optimus then gently cupped your face in his hands and pulled you forward into a loving and passionate kiss.

He pulled back to see your shocked face. A split second later you fainted, falling into his arms. Optimus caught you, slowly lowering you to the floor. He panicked, having no idea what happened. He was terrified he had done something wrong and hurt you. He quickly picked you up and rushed outside, to his truck mode. He placed you inside and quickly raced you back to base. He quickly transformed, asking Ratchet to look you over, as he gently held you in his servos.

You were still unconscious while Ratchet demanded to know what happened and what Optimus did to cause you to be unconscious. Ratchet's telling off made Optimus feel worse about the situation. He should have known better than to ambush you like that.

Eventually, you woke up. Coming too on an empty berth with Optimus sitting by your side. He smiled as he watched you open your eyes.

"Did you confess to me?" You asked, your voice quiet as you slowly came to.

"I did." Optimus admitted, feeling guilty. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have."

"No, I am glad you did. And I am glad I didn't just dream it." You sat up, now fully awake. You scooched closer to Optimus and placed your hand on his servo. "I feel the same way. But I guess you already know that." You laughed.

Optimus smiled, glad that you were not angry at him. Thankful that you still felt the same way about him. After all this, he was glad he decided to go into the library as his holoform. It turned out to be one of the best choices he ever made.

#ask #transformers #optimus #optimus prime #optimus x reader #orion #orion x reader #optimus x human reader

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seasurfacefullofclouds1 · 4 months ago

Note

Hello. I am sure this week you are swamped with notes. But I feel compelled to contact because of discourse around one direction. I’m a middle aged mom who didn’t know the band in their hey day but my daughter who is now in her 20s did for sure. She is now what I guess is called a Harrie. During quarantine I stumbled onto Tumblr and read about the band including all the drama of bbg, hiatus, later xfactor gigs. Harry’s pop hits are impossible to avoid but it’s Louis’ music that I really love probably because I grew up on Green Day, Oasis, etc and have diverse music taste. I think that makes me a Louie? Anyway I have to say your takes on the industry and the boys’ personalities seem spot on to me. You have no reason to care about my opinion. But as an older fan I am confident Louis is the real deal. His bio and vibe formed an authentic human with so many relatable qualities. I tend to cheer on the underdog in life, maybe that contributes to my fanning for him. But I have no doubts. Call it middle aged sixth sense having dealt with all sorts of people in my private and professional life. Louis is lovely- flawed and human as are we all- but lovely to the core. I’m so glad his fandom enjoys you at the helm. I really appreciate your Tumblr! So thank you and keep up the good work lol!

Hello and welcome to the madness!

Thank you for sending a message. Yours is a kind, reasoned voice in the wilderness. Believe me, it is rare and much appreciated. 🥰💕

It’s understandable that most people know Harry Styles better and are more likely to be his fans. He was heavily promoted and now he’s everywhere, a marketing tour-de-force. Most casual listeners want ambient background music; Harry’s music is all ear worms. He wanted to be a sex symbol and now he is. The world is his oyster.

It’s especially great to hear from people who have had some life experiences, because for you (and me), perhaps disappointment, career ups and downs, heartbreaks and grief aren’t hypotheticals on a page. In our early twenties, we made mistakes that in retrospect were impetuous and unwise. We know we wrongly cut people off, or were selfish, or didn’t return love the way we should have. Now it’s too late to undo some stuff.

I think Louis is relatable on this level— he’s not perfect but very human. He has made some bad choices. He has regrets and feels remorse. He’s incredibly successful but also just a normal person.

The genius of Louis Tomlinson is that he’s able to express all of this in three-minute pop songs, in a way that doesn’t wave away the responsibility or regret but nevertheless gives us grounding. His songs let us pause to breathe, to reset and regroup, and finally to find joy in being human, being alive, belonging to a community of caring. “This one is a thank you for what you did for me.” Louis gives us the gift of empathy: even in the worst of times, we don’t have to go into the dark woods alone.

Louis gives us permission to forgive our past so that we can believe in a better way. He also allows us to acknowledge the pain in the details, to recognize that grief ultimately comes from love.

There have been times in the past that I’ve driven for miles in sadness, not knowing who to talk to or where to go, alone except for Louis’ music in the car. Sometimes we are faced with dilemmas without happy solutions. We want to talk to people who have passed away. We yearn not to have to go through fire. We think the darkest thoughts.

Somehow it helps to hear very simple words sung honestly. “It comes/ it goes/ we’re driving down a one way road to something better.”

So, welcome.

#louis tomlinson

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xx-j4nu5-c4t5-xx · 1 year ago

Text

cringe headcanon dump but I've never really heard anyone mention this before

According to the memories and stuff, Glarn Curious had Chloe and Lola Singles before he had Jenny and the rest of the gang. However, the sisters are 28 and 20 days from being elders when first loaded, which places them closer to Lazlo's age (he also has 28 days left).

So... what if he wasn't abducted before the main four were born?

Nothing would get a whole family involved in lifelong alien obsessions like watching your dad get plucked off the face of the earth in elementary school. And the fact that they don't know Chloe and Lola implies that everything was kept secret.

Imagine being a normal ass kid and then your dad gets abducted by a massive alien ship and disappears for nine months and won't explain what happened after. It only feeds that insatiable knowledge sim brain hunger even more. What the hell happened? What did they do to him? He won't tell you, and you've got to find out.

There's even more plot hints that add to this madness. Out of all of the siblings, Lazlo doesn't seem to give that much of a shit about aliens. He's not really shown to be as obsessive about the whole thing as his brothers and sister; he just does his own stuff. If the twins are around his age, he was either not born yet or not old enough to remember any of this going down.

And the fact that Glarn died just before Pascal got abducted??? Like he had spent years trying to get answers from him and Glarn took this weird double life secret mpreg family shit to his grave???? He must've just given up and decided to do it himself. Desperate times calling for desperate measures and all that.

(For even more stupid headcanon points, I'd imagine that this was a MASSIVE point of contention between Pascal and Nervous. Imagine being stuck in this human experimentation hell for years, and this guy, who's stuck with you through all of it, just drops that he put himself in the same situation you're in. That he put himself out there *hoping* to get snatched up and experimented on, for the same reason that you've been locked in a grimey, cold castle basement for the last ten years: the pursuit of science. The need for answers. Realizing that the hands that tenderly patch your wounds may be driven by the same force as the ones that caused them in the first place. Jesus Christ.)

Anyway I've thought way too hard about this family and its dynamics, it's like midnight where I am and I've got classes at 8am tomorrow. Someone save me.

#sims 2 #headcanon #sims 2 premades #lazlo curious #pascal curious #vidcund curious #jenny smith #please take away my internet access

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kyliafanfiction · 10 months ago

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I sometimes feel like characters who do truly monstrous things while also having been victims of some pretty insane shit themselves are sort of an exercise in empathy. Or at least, should be seen as such.

Like, in real life, if a person who has been horribly broken by their experiences and failed by society than proceeds to rape someone - it's hard to feel the justifiable sympathy/empathy for that person (without excusing their rape, never do that) because well, you can look at this actual human person they hurt, or worse, and it feels gross and disrespectful to the rape victim.

And this is understandable. (And applies to more than just rapists/rape victims of course, that's just the most visceral one and thus picked for that reason)

But a fictional rape victim is... fictional. You can't 'disrespect' their trauma, and while obviously rape/whatever else is real, and people may related to the rape victim and thus see your comments about the rapist also being a victim as somehow being about their experience...

Well, it's not.

Because the rapist here, didn't actually hurt a real person. Fictional characters are objects. They're objects that often grab us by the throat and refuse to leave our fucking heads, yes, but they're objects. They are tools used by writers to tell a story, and readers to tell a story.

And one of the things fictional characters are good for is allowing us to consider experiences we never had, and imagine ourselves in other circumstances and lives. (Also just fun and fascinating and interesting to watch their stories).

It's very easy to feel for the rape victim in fiction, and rightly so. That's Level 1 Empathy there. Granted, some people IRL fail that, but that's not really what we're talking about here.

Advanced Empathy, hard Empathy is feeling for the rapist. Not for the rape, of course, even if they feel guilt about it, but if someone really was failed on multiple levels and was broken and damaged and went through the sort of psychological wringer that would leave most of us here on tumblr catatonic - they do deserve the same Empathy any human (any person) who went through all that.

Even after they also do the bad thing, critically they still deserve Empathy. And that is fucking hard. I very often have a hard time feeling bad for truly awful people who also deserve empathy and sympathy, real and even fictional (despite all this, yeah, I'm not perfect on this) for what they (separately) went through.

It also becomes even harder when what they went through is utterly bound up with what they did. How what they went through and experiences is in part responsible for what they did - because they still made a choice. The circumstances may have left them not in their right mind, may have left them feeling without choice, may have driven them to things they normally might not think of or do, but they still chose to do that bad thing. And that's not okay. They still hurt someone.

And yet - one cannot remove the action from the circumstances. So you can still feel empathy, and elucidate all the factors and circumstances as to what led up to their choices and why, and it doesn't change that they did the horrible thing. The rape, or the murders, or whatever.

But circling back - with a fictional character... they didn't hurt a real person. There's no one who is real that suffered. The things the character did IRL are bad because they hurt real people.

So you're not being disrespectful to the victim by feeling that empathy, or sympathy. By exploring the things that they were a victim for. Even by wanting to focus on those things - fictional characters should be compelling in all their aspects, if they're written well.

And yet, of course, if you do that empathy and do talk about what the bad person went through and all that context, people come at you. They call you evil, just as bad as the (again, fictional) character, or they say that you're treading dangerously close to the arguments people use to defend the real people who do these things in real life. Or you're disrespecting all the victims of these crimes IRL. Especially of course, if the person coming at you has a reason this comes close to home.

But again - fictional.

In an ideal world, we'd all feel sympathy and empathy when it's called for, regardless of what the person did. Even the worst most monstrous people deserve human treatment in prison. And if you don't have empathy, that's hard. Even if you do have empathy, that's hard.

So if you look at a fictional character (who doesn't hurt a real person by virtue of being fictional) that does horrible, vile things, but went through so much, and you still can't empathize or sympathize with them... I mean, it doesn't make you a bad person, not even close, this is still fiction, and there's people I should empathize with in fiction that I don't, but...

It's still a failure of your ability to be empathetic. And we're all humans. We're all failing at that, among other things, all the time. But... it's good to be aware of that. at least?

At the very least, bear that in mind when other people are talking about that context, and that victimization. And please, for the love of god, don't fucking pretend that the victimization didn't happen, that this person who did do terrible things (in fiction) suddenly didn't also (in fiction) experience awful shit, as if doing a bad thing erases all the bad things done to you.

Again - it doesn't necessarily make you a bad person, but like... the horrible state of prisons in our society is a real, actual problem. The way we as a society dehumanize people who do bad things is a real actual problem for a lot of reasons (not least because it creates an incentive for authority that wants to dehumanize a person or a group to expand the definition of 'did bad things' to make their dehumanization now acceptable, among other things).

So yeah. Fictional character who suffers but than also makes others suffer - that's a useful exercise in Empathy. And doing that doesn't make you or anyone else a bad person, or actually defending the sorts of crimes, IRL or Fictional, that this character did. Contextualizing is not whitewashing, empathy is not erasing, and humanizing is not disrespecting the victim(s).

So yeah, they fictional character did bad things. But there's more to them than that. And you can say but and talk about what comes after but without disrespecting the fictional victim. Because the fictional victim... is just as fictional. Just as not real.

Is it possible for this to end up being taken too far? Yes. But that's a reason to be mindful of yourself when it comes to real people, not to never do it. And when it comes to fictional people - again, fictional. Nobody was actually, really hurt.

(I really do want to make clear, before people read the tags, that this applies to all crimes these sorts of characters do, rape was just picked as the one to use as the example.)

#Anakin Skywalker #Azula #Grant Ward #Amy Dallon #Panacea #Empathy #Sympathy #I kind of used both terms probably a little wrongly I don't know but I think my point is clear #the tagged characters were Just a few of the characters I had in mind while writing this #So many times I see people talking about the context and the way this and that character who did horrible shit and then I see other people #give them so much shit for that and say its not okay to talk about these things because it's victim blaming or erasing the crimes #or disrespecting the victim and like - it's all fictional but also like... even if it were real #a real person who suffered #whatever else they do later #is a real fucking person who fucking suffered #Ultimately if you can't bring yourself to empathize with a given fictional character - whether it's because their crimes hit close to home #or not - it's fine #you're not a bad person for that and I'm not saying that #but if you consistently never empathize with the fictional characters who deserve it and consistently try to downplay their trauma in the #context of the fiction or even try to erase it #Then maybe reflect #and either way - let other people empathize and talk about the context and all the rest for these characters in peace #even if you feel like they're whitewashing or victim blaming they probably aren't in 99% of cases and even if they are when it comes to #fictional characters they're fucking fictional just block or ignore or back button and move on maybe vent in your own space #But just - leave it alone #And maybe - if you haven't before - try to practice the 'Advanced Empathy' required to feel for these fictional monsters. It really is a #good exercise #Also like please reblog this I'm not really on tumblr for the notes most of the time but I really poured out a lot into this one and I'm #tired of doing that only to feel like I'm shouting into an empty void #I am on here because on some level I want engagement I want the connection

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mysticallion · 7 months ago

Text

Don’t Mind Me

Regardless of whether you choose the meditative or the scientific path, you eventually arrive at the inevitable conclusion that everything you experience is actually made of mind. Certainly it seems differently most of the time; we very effectively reify (make to seem solid and real) and project our mental creations into a subjective-and-objective perspective. But even a basic understanding of how the human sensory and nervous systems function is enough to understand that all our usual experience is a neurologically-driven mental construct produced by the blending and filtering of sensory information and other cognitive processes, all of it heavily influenced by previous (memory) input and “projected into consciousness”—whatever that last bit means. Still, the problem of consciousness aside, all this is simply basic science, basic modern understanding.

Although its methods are somewhat different (though actually more alike than most people imagine), a meditative discipline, properly pursued, leads to exactly the same conclusion, both through its psychological and phenomenological processes as well as directly, through “insight,” or the immediacy of bare awareness. Of course, the meditative venture ultimately yields more impactful or fruitful results, at least insofar as human life and positive mental health is concerned.

Point is, once you realize that everything in your experience is made of mind, a cognitive construct, you must also understand that this “everything” necessarily includes your experience of yourself. Everything you think you are is just that: a thought, or at least a thought-feeling. All that usual identity stuff is 100% mind made and 100% made of mind, all of it being re-created and reified moment-to-moment by a vast complex of interconnected psychophysical processes and activities. That why it’s so stressful, this being an ego-person, because it is literally an unreal thought-form, a highly unstable, constantly changing (though in a heavily patterned way), intensely self-centered whirlwind of mental noise, most of it preconscious, and all of it desperately trying to keep itself together in some sort of self-coherent self-reflection. Whew.

The “problem” with the strictly scientific pursuit of this line of reasoning is that it really doesn’t make life any better or easier. In fact, it can, in and of itself lead to a lot of psychological insecurity and instability. The meditative approach, however, uses this basic understanding as a means of actually deconstructing this mental-historical sense of self, this so called ego. It actually employs the mind to examine and, through various methods, deconstruct/reconstruct the mind. This deconstructive process, however, doesn’t simply uncover some sort of existential “nothing” underneath all that conceptual activity. Rather it slowly reveals the underlying real self, a sense of living presence, of life itself experiencing itself directly, immediately anew in every moment. And unlike the ego it supplants, this “new” experience of self is not unstable, not stressful, and not overly defensive because it is not constructed. It just… is. It’s just… here. Now. Always already. And you (eventually) have no doubt whatsoever that this is indeed “who” you really are and always have been. And you come to understand that this fundamental truth is who everyone really is, whether they know it or not. Life lived from this perspective is remarkably different from the “normal perspective,” more vivid and spacious and fluid and peaceful and interconnected. It’s so very much worth the effort.

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taylortruther · 9 months ago

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a little adjacent to heteronormative relationships and the public eye, what are your thoughts on how the media crafts certain narratives in balancing, say, clickability/interest with actual information being received (either by a publicist, paparazzi, or common sense)? and how those things feed into each other to tell certain stories?

obviously, there's the way taylor and travis are reported on, but i'm also thinking of someone like JLo and Ben, who's narrative abruptly shifted from "true love after 20 years" to "on the verge of divorce" and how JLo's perception as someone ( a woman, specifically) who's more fame-hungry/self-obsessed has fed into that. then you have your over-idealized young love (olivia rodrigo and her actor boyfriend! millie bobbie brown and her husband!!) (jesus christ lol) and the way the media is just so much kinder and in adoration in a way that we know isn't going to last

idk, was just thinking about how the love/hatred cycle of the woman in the relationship feeds these cycles, but wondered if you had any other thoughts about that switch from 'adored couple' to 'get the popcorn ready for DIVORCE' and how much is driven by what's actually going on and how much is driven by, well, everything else

love ur blog <3

idk! i wrote a lot! not sure if this really touches on what you wanted because tbh to me, the media drives much of it, but it's hard to say "the narratives" without really talking about "the society" that creates the narrative that the media exploits. it is a big question for one blog and i'd be interested in more thoughts because it is more fun for me when it's a dialogue and not just me opining.

i think celebrity can often cast a magnifying glass on what are otherwise normal, common human experiences. it's like when you read greek mythology, and the gods are so awful, but one of the reasons they're so awful is because they're afflicted with human flaws like pride and vanity, but with (often scary) powers. celebrities aren't all-powerful deities, but they have beauty, wealth, platform, public trust, privileges galore, at their disposal.

so there's interest in what they do because it gives us insight into other human stories. and one of the common narratives in our society (world?) is that of young love! young, sexy people being young and sexy together, who doesn't like that.

but, idk. people are judgmental. there's a lot to say about how human stories become content on the internet, but it's really more of a tale of how humans are judgy, and the internet makes it easier (and more satisfying, superficially) to do it. like, you see the same type of comments on taylor swift/travis videos as you do on jlo/ben articles as you do on the comment section of a 22-year-old influencer on instagram with 3,000 followers (or a blog on here tbh)... they can be kind, but they are often viciously cruel, about the same things: appearance, age, vapidity, superficiality, intelligence, damaging kids' psyches, whatever.

life and human experience is a narrative - we tell ourselves stories about our lives, but when we're watching someone else's, the narrative becomes clearer. jlo and ben can't just stay fun and sexy forever. the masses want a narrative: the buildup, the conflict, the climax, the comedown, the resolution. unfortunately, humans don't really get a whole story until they're dead and someone crafts a narrative about their life in retrospect. so we often get stuck in that cycle of conflict and comedown. (there's a lot to say about taylor's love for an underdog/phoenix rising from the ashes metaphor too tbh.) whether any of the conflict is real, or exaggerated, is kind of besides the point. it's not really about the celebrities as humans anymore.

and sexism/ageism is a factor too. like, society hates women. women are devalued and dehumanized as a matter of course. so, as a famous woman who literally commodifies part of herself in some way, that hatred will be loud and open.

we see that in how people talk about celebrity moms and their relationships/breakups. sophie/joe or angelina/brad are great examples of how the woman can't be trusted: she's too young, too wild, too irresponsible, lalala. meanwhile, no one truly thinks the man is essential in the parenting role (talk about a reflection of society!) so his lack of parenting, or his shitty parenting, doesn't quite damage his reputation the way lesser "crimes" affect a woman.

i also have some thoughts on how the internet has been ~gentrified~ (i use this term SO loosely/unseriously but it gets the point across) and how that changes what we talk about and how. but that's a separate topic.

eta: i will probably read this journal article when i have a good minute, because i think it articulates similar thoughts. it's about how celebrities fall from grace (like cosby), but i love the term "social myth":

Even if such determination can be questioned – stars and celebrities continue to provide cohering social myths to bind with – the issues of degradation, desecration and decelebrification are an integral part of the complex phenomenon of celebrity. Unsurprisingly the switch between steps related to consecration and degradation in celebrity life is a constant: the rise and fall narrative, a central component of star and fan identification streams, and media marketing.

#hot taykes

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shieldherostuffs · 2 years ago

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Naofumi being a witch before he was sommoned

YES, finally an excuse to share my Horror-ish Witch Naofumi AU (+ TheRuFumi) that's been hiding away on my discord!

Naofumi is a With without a cove, living on his own in a haunted and cursed forest where most others would quickly be driven mad or die, unless they take drastic measures.

Naofumi did so. He's too curious and hungry for knowledge for his and everyone else's good, that he was cast out for how little care of the consequences of practicing the cursed and forbidden crafts.

So, he went to the only place that could only assist and further his research on the forbidden crafts. If he learned more, maybe people would properly know why they were forbidden crafts, and maybe he could prevent many of the accidents that could happen when doing the crafts without the full knowledge.

Good thing he's not usually afraid of committing various horrors for his experiments and research.

Hell, two of the experiments that probably should've killed him ended with something vastly different.

He now has a demonic girlfriend living in his shadow, and an eldritch horror boyfriend living inside his body, whose real form is that of a cloud of pure smokey fog of darkness dripping with blood, and countless crimson red eyes.

Some of the other experiments didn't have the same positive results, though.

The skin of his hands are now stained a permanent inky black for trying to deal with Fae and Octafolk blood at the same time for a potion. His eyes will forever cry tears of pure ink, already having left prominent black marks on his face from the first time when his eyes stung like a thousand fires, for trying to mix merfolk's pearl tears with the scales of an undead dragon. His whole left leg, and left arm up to the elbow is pure wood and plants, though they function like normal human limbs, for trying to enchant the remains of a dryad with the use of the fur of a celestial fox's tail and a zombie's flesh. The plant parts withers and becomes black at his wrist. And, he has little nubs of premature horns on the sides of his head, hidden by his hair, for trying to perform magic on the horns of a haunted and cursed ram. His skin is littered with shatter-like lines shifting between dark gray and silver, from when he summoned L'Arc and Therese.

However, his dear L'Arc and Therese always try to assist and provide what they can for his experiments, and take away any residual darkness from the experiments, strengthening them, and in exchange lengthen and share their life force with Naofumi, letting him live much longer than the average human.

———

Being summoned to another world was not what Naofumi expected to happen when he'd gone on one of his rare outings outside the forest. He'd been wanting new books to fill how new shelves for a while, and had gone to a faraway bookstore to look.

He's picked up a book with a peculiar sense of magic around it, and had a few moments appeared in a different place, books completely gone from his grasp, standing inside a magic circle with three other people, surrounded by mages in identical robes.

And, there was a Shield stuck to his arm.

Before Therese and L'Arc could come out, Naofumi rubbed his knuckled across the knobs of his lower spine, through his clothes, a signal to both of them to stay hidden, and that he's alright.

As he followed the other three who'd been summoned alongside him, all wearing different and strange clothing, and the head mage, he tried to examine the Shield on his arm. Focusing on it, he could feel immense, different powers coming from it. Interesting.

As they arrived in the throne room, Naofumi noticed the scornful, distasteful, and trustless snarls and glares sent only his way. He was now glad he'd chosen to wear his veiled hat and gloves. If they already disliked him just from being there, he wasn't about to give the more reasons to hate him.

Instead of outright planning with L'Arc and Therese, Naofumi met with them in his dreams, where Therese showed that she'd managed to keep the book that summoned Naofumi, for him to read through and study.

Later, Naofumi would discover that while his affinity for magic is about the same as before, his skills and affinity for potions and enchantments have become drastically higher, and he's ready to take full advantage.

———

After the whole thing at the castle, and turning down any party members, Naofumi wanders into the forest, and the first thing he does is start finding and comparing the herbs and plants in the book he bought with the ones he finds in the forest, and keeping as many as he can. He gets even more excited when he learns of the Plant Shield Series, which lets him grow and level up the plants with magic.

So excited, that he doesn't notice the balloon monster clinging to him until L'Arc's distorted voice whispers it inside his ear.

Inconspicuously, he feeds them to his shadow, and discovers that L'Arc and Therese are both defaulted to his party members, letting him gain the EXP they do as well. Seems like he doesn't even need to hire party members anyway.

——

The next morning, he's dragged to the castle and his hood ripped off, leaving him for everyone to see. They stare is shock and horror at his face and hands, the only parts revealed.

He's called a monster, thrown around, and accused of things he did not commit.

He may delve in the dark and forbidden, the dead and haunted, but he does have morals, alright? Even he wouldn't take anyone against their will, plus, L'Arc and Therese can satisfy his needs in ways no human or demi-human ever could.

——

He ignores the stares and glares as he walks the streets, face hidden by his veiled hat once again.

In the evening, Naofumi goes walking through the dark streets, having changed into a sleeve-less cloak with a large hood and a high collar to conceal his face.

He follows the feeling of darkness and despair, and ends up in a slave tent filled with people with various degrees of different animal features, some more human- or beast-looking.

In the end, he leaves the tent with directions and advice for the best dark magic and curse masters and sellers, and a sick slave in tow.

With a few simple potions, of which Naofumi knows the recipes back to front now, Raphtalia is fully healed. The first few days, they don't converse much, other than Naofumi getting gear, clothes, and food for Raphtalia, and holding her when her night terrors appear. A simple spell to ward off nightmares seem to help a bit.

Then, Naofumi tells her he would like for her to help him as the Shield Hero. If she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to, and he will set her free. But, if she wishes to, he will teach and protect her from whatever may wish to harm them. But, she must become prepared for many horrors ahead.

In the end, she accepts, and that evening by the fire is spent teaching Raphtalia to read and recognize a few regular plants.

As they progress, Naofumi teaches her more and more, and she tries to soak the knowledge like a sponge, though sometimes she doesn't understand.

After the fight with the dog monster in the mines, where Naofumi let Therese take down the monster with one swipe of her jewelled hand, Naofumi decides to introduce Raphtalia to his two otherworldly lovers.

Therese easily slithers out of his shadow, merging from the darkness into her beautiful and horrifying form of flesh and jewels mixed together into her being, strong and indestructible, and yet beautiful and lovely.

Naofumi turns his back to Raphtalia as L'Arc's form crawls its way up his body and through his throat, out his mouth, accompanied by black goo (Naofumi has yet to identify it as anything by to help L'Arc leave his body) as a few ink tears escape his eyes, drawing the lines on his face darker again. Once he's finally out, L'Arc dons his human forms, and Therese as well. Though, there's simply still something distinctly non-human about them.

Raphtalia is terrified at first, hiding beneath his cloak, before he explain them to her, that they're there bonded to him, to keep him and those under him safe at all costs. Slowly, she warms up to them, but she'll never get used to how L'Arc leaves and enters Naofumi's body through his mouth.

She isn't allowed to see their real forms, as it would simply be too much for any mortal not bonded to them to comprehend. She would go mad if she saw them.

Later, when they get Filo (before the first wave, Naofumi always wanted a familiar), she is much less scared, and keep talking about how they have some 'Funny Energy' around them, that she thinks tickles when she gets close.

As they fight the first Wave, Naofumi lets L'Arc and Therese pose as his party members to help fight. They all gain many levels then.

———

At some point, Naofuim also curses Myne and the King with some minor inconvenience curses, that to nobility and royalty have been known to absolutely humiliate them.

———

When meeting and fighting Glass, she's wary of the Shield Hero calling himself a Witch. In her world, witches are known to make any demi-human they deem useful their slave.

But, Naofumi shuts that down, telling her that he doesn't commit any kind of bonding or binding without the other party's consent.

With their powers and warped morals, the two some to respect each other, even when fighting to kill.

———

When Naofumi finally gets his revenge, the trial again Myne and the King, when they're forced to kneel before him in front of countless people, Bitch is forced to do so by her slave crest. But, Trash refuses to kneel before someone who won't even show his face. He will not kneel unless he's sure that he's kneeling for the actual Shield Hero and not some imposter.

Before the Queen can shout again, Naofumi rips off his veiled hat, leaving his face bare for everyone to see the black tear lines running down his cheeks, and the gray and silver crack crawling up from his neck.

"How do you know that I'm the Shield Hero, even after seeing my face? The only people I've shown my real face to before today, is my party." Naofumi says

He was getting tired of wearing that hat everywhere he went with a risk of seeing people.

He does not mind if these people fear him now. If they didn't already, they really should've.

———

When fighting against Kyo, Naofumi becomes interested in the book his holding, and silently asks Therese to see if she get can it. No one notices when a part of Naofumi's shadow slithers away along the edges of the room to merge with Kyo's.

Moments later, Therese comes up behind Kyo, holding him stuck as she tries getting the book, but it appears to be stuck to him.

After some fighting, Kyo manages to escape, and Naofumi and his party manages to hurry and follow after him and Glass.

Though somehow, whatever Kyo does, it makes Naofumi forcefully get separated from L'Arc and Therese, who both end up with Glass, while Naofumi finds Kizuna.

#the rising of the shield hero #rising of the shield hero #naofumi iwatani #l'arc berg #therese alexandrite #therufumi #shield hero prompt #witch naofumi #horror-ish?

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late-to-the-magnus-archives · 11 months ago

Text

Corrupted, chapter 18 - a TMA by Malevolent crossover

The night after a shadow-attack, knife-wounds, and heavy drinking, Tim has a lot to lose. Every step seems to bring him closer to those who would eat Hastur... and Tim finds the idea of losing this arrogant, ridiculous god less appealing by the day.

Lucky for him, Elias has a plan. But are Elias' plans ever really lucky for anyone?

------------------

Hello, all! It's been a while. To sum up so far:

- Tim opened a book he shouldn't have, and the King in Yellow now dwells inside him.

- The King has been on the run from Kayne for thousands of years.

- In a stroke of genius (???), Hastur chose to come to THIS world - where the Fears have devoured the gods they could catch, and driven out the ones they couldn’t.

- It’s a race now against time. Kayne has promised to kill Hastur; the Eye, at least, knows Hastur is here, and the others will soon; through some dubious choices Tim is now tied to the Magnus Institute; Daisy is on his trail, and so far can’t be deterred. And Jon, for some inexplicable reason, insists on tagging along to see what happens.

Any port in a storm, right? Well. Elias' home is certainly some kind of harbor…

AO3

————

It is a miserable night.

Bad dreams, the kind that wake him shaking and tense; flashes of lightning through closed eyes, though when he opens them, there is no sign of a storm; and that constant, unending, inescapable feeling of being watched.

Tim wakes feeling like shit, and can’t completely blame the alcohol. It was a miserable night on the heel of many miserable nights and many miserable days and many miserable years.

Though… he has to admit to himself as he grunts his way awake that the last few days haven't been so bad. Maybe it’s not feeling alone, though that's insane because this is temporary and Hastur is more dangerous than he is friendly.

Or maybe it’s because Hastur understands him.

That is a bizarro realization, and it hits like a brick. His normal experience of thinking adjacent to other people instead of alongside, of misunderstandings and the need to explain jokesâ€¦ none of that is here with Hastur.

If Hastur were a person, Tim would be leery (he knew a narcissist when he saw one), but might still try to get close. Might still try to charm. Probably even seduce. He likes Hastur. He can handle that bluffing bullshit just fine.

Or maybe all of this is the alcohol, and he’s just being lonely. He sits on the bed, slumped forward, elbows on his thighs, and sighs.

Your breath could use some improvement, says Hastur, amused.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Tim, and staggers to the bathroom. If someone is watching, he hopes they’re having fun, because he’s about to see a morning too-much-booze experience that nobody ever likes.

Brushed, showered, clothed in last night’s clothes (clean and pressed, as promised), he makes his way into the hall.

It was very strong liquor, says Hastur.

“You’re hungover, too?” grumps Tim. “Fuck. Sorry.”

Worth it.

Odd. “Why?”

I like you relaxed, says Hastur. I like your responses to things.

To things. To what things? The end of last night is very fuzzy. “Sure,” says Tim. “I think we should drink in the privacy of our own home, though.”

Oh, I agree, Hastur says, positively rumbling it.

Tim decides to pretend he didn’t say our and rubs his eyes. “Save the sexy-times voice for later, yeah? When I’m not feeling nauseated.”

There is an easy fix, you know.

Tim stops at the top of the stairs. He hears Jon and Elias down there, talking in the kitchen; their voices are not raised, not distressed, so he feels he can take a moment. “You want me to use magic.”

Yes.

“I thought we’d established I’m terrible at this?” Tim says weakly.

No, Tim, no, Hastur murmurs. Far from terrible. You are brilliant; powerful; a solar storm in a human body. You wish to avoid losing more body-parts to me? Wish to avoid setting more lions loose, or any other mishap? I want the same thing. Therefore, there is one solution: together, we practice.

Tim exhales slowly. “Hastur…”

Trust me. Trust me, Tim, at least this one time, and we’ll see how we can build from there.

Tim wants to trust. Maybe that’s foolish, but he does. “Let’s talk after breakfast.”

Assuming you can keep it down.

Tim wrinkles his nose. “It's party-time at casa Bouchard,” he announces, and marches down.

Elias and Jon are in the kitchen at the table, and in very different conditions. Elias is, of course, pristine; he looks like he stepped out of a magazine aimed at CEOs: bland, perfect, unassuming, expensive.

Jon looks like shit.

“Did you sleep at all?” Tim blurts.

Jon looks up at him mid-sentence. His hair is mussed; his eyes are red; his clothes have, unsettlingly, not been cleaned or pressed, and have gone brown with his blood. “What?” he says.

“Did you even leave the kitchen?” says Tim, increasingly horrified.

Jon stares at him, holds up a sheaf of papers, and shakes it.

“Right, I don’t speak paper flaps, so maybe we should take care of you first,” says Tim, approaching like Jon is a wounded deer.

“Tim,” says Jon, sounding ill. “You don’t understand. It goes so far back.”

“Tell me about it upstairs, all right?” says Tim, pulling his chair out.

“No, not yet! I need to know about Alexandria,” Jon protests, but he does not fight as Tim steers him toward the stairs.

“She’ll wait,” says Tim, deadpan.

“It’s not a woman! It’s a place!” says Jon, who, if he had feathers, would be one big ruffled ball. “Oh. You’re joking.”

“Yes, boffin, I’m joking,” says Tim, steering him toward the stairs.

Jon is now red. “I wasn’t finished,” he whines, climbing with Tim’s hand at his back.

“You’ll finish later.” Tim glances back.

Elias has not moved. He sits there, watching them both, doing that thing where he somehow feels like a caricature made of all eyes if one isn’t looking directly at him.

Why did we think kipping here was a good idea, again? thinks Tim.

Because otherwise, some horrible thing was going to hunt you two down, says Hastur.

Jon gasps, trips, and goes down on the stairs, banging his shins.

“Whoa, easy!” says Tim. “You okay?”

Jon spins and stares at him. “What was that?” he says, sprawled and shaky.

Tim stares back. “Wait. You heard that?”

Jon is shaking. “I… I heard…”

And of course, Hastur comes in with the massive ridiculous drama. Greetings, little unintentional eye priest. My man Tim likes you, so I will spare you when I come into my own.

Jon’s eyes roll back in his head and he passes the fuck out.

“Smooth,” Tim mutters at Hastur, trying and failing to wake Jon. He isn’t entirely sure what to do. It’s easy enough to carry Jon upstairs (and Jon never picked a bedroom, so Tim does that for him), but anything more seems like a personal violation. He goes so far as to lay Jon on the bed and remove his shoes, but that’s it.

It was only the truth, Hastur says in his patented I did nothing wrong voice.

If they were just two guys trying to make this work, Tim would be inclined to spank him.

What the hell comes next? Obviously, confronting Elias is the thing to do here, but Tim does not feel his best at the moment. It seems a bad idea.

The scent of cooked ham wafts into the room, and Tim’s mouth waters.

Oh, says Hastur, rumbling. He’s making breakfast.

Well, at least that provides neutral ground. Tim tugs the sheet to Jon’s chin and heads downstairs, jaw set, ready for a fight.

Elias is not ready for a fight. Elias is ready for a feast. Though Tim could have sworn there was nothing cooking when he walked Jon up.

Elias is humming, bent in front of the oven. “Have a seat,” he says, chipper.

“Did you really keep him up all night?” says Tim, who feels like not fighting his anger too much right now.

“No,” says Elias. “I assure you, he did that all on his own.”

You’re so pleased about it, says Hastur, sounding suspicious.

“Of course I am,” says Elias, who has an answer for everything. “He’s an ideal student of the Eye.”

“Your pet accidental priest?” says Tim.

Elias laughs.

It is a terrible laugh. It is a fucking evil laugh, like something out of a movie. Tim shivers, staring “Fucking hell, boss,” he says more mildly than the situation requires.

“My apologies,” says Elias, wicked chuckle tapering off. “His phrasing caught me by surprise, your Lordship.”

Of course the apology is for Hastur. “You’re having too much fun. Pretty sure it's illegal.”

“Laws change,” Elias says mildly, and provides a proper, perfect fry-up: bangers and back bacon, eggs and mushrooms and beans, fried bread, and white pudding.

Tim’s stomach rumbles.

Elias fucking winks. “As if I'd leave you suffering from my excess of hospitality.”

“Can’t decide if you’re a fantastic if incredibly creepy host, or just taking the piss out of me,” says Tim.

“Neither,” says Elias, deadpan. “It’s all part of my mad plan to lure the Fears to my doorstep.” Again, he offers the plate.

“Because you’re that bad at self-preservation,” Tim quips and takes it.

“My ageâ€”as your magnificent guest has observedâ€”would say otherwise,” says Elias.

“Two hundred, he said?” Tim mutters, decides fuck it, and stuffs his face.

He can’t help a little moan. It’s perfect for a hangover: greasy and salty and good.

Hastur makes a similar sound, a couple octaves deeper.

Elias stares.

Tim swallows. Eyes him. “Yeah, I'm gonna need a minute.” He turns to have his way with the food.

Hastur continues making… sounds.

Tim logs them away for later and focuses on filling his stomach.

So food helps. Food helps a lot, and Tim swings around to begrudgingly grateful by the time Elias offers tea.

“Better?” says Elias, who knows the answer already.

“Very,” says Tim, who’s feeling a bit more generous.

“Good,” says Elias. “I’d like to talk to you about the letter you received from Jude Perry.”

The last day has been so insane that for a moment Tim has absolutely no idea what he’s talking about. “Eh?”

The fire-woman, says Hastur.

“Shit,” Tim announces.

“Indeed. She wants you to go to Sheffield, yes?”

Tim stares for a moment. “Okay, how do you know that?”

Elias looks briefly pitying. “I can see almost anything I wish to see, which is why your adventure with Gertrude the other day remains tantalizing.”

Tim tries to deflect. “And I guess I’m worth peeping-Tomming though I haven’t done anything interesting beyond that?”

“Now, that isn’t true,” Elias soothes, and refills Tim’s tea. “The snow at the very least says otherwise.”

Tim sighs. “I know.”

“It was a good try, though,” says Elias, avuncular.

Tim gives him a look.

Elias smiles.

Dangerous, Tim reminds himself. “So what’s in Sheffield?”

“A cult,” says Elias. “Possibly a great challenge for you. They are those who worship destruction; who love the flame, who breathe fire and torment and screaming. Who, in fact, have given in to that which you—I think we can all agree, fortunately—still fight.”

“The Desolation.” Tim swallows, and cannot keep his voice steady.

His left hand—Hastur’s hand—rises and rests on his right.

It’sâ€¦ so damn comforting. Tim can’t even quite place why. It’s just Hastur, who’s trying to gaslight, gatekeep, and girlboss his way into whatever his goals are.

Still. It is, as Tim observed, the least alone he’s felt in years. Fuck it, he thinks, and turns his hand to grip Hastur’s.

“The Desolation,” Elias confirms. “I know you’re new to this, I do; yet I think you know what lies down that road.”

Tim looks away. “I feel it.”

“Yes,” says Elias, soft, but somehow more intense for all of that.

“It’s… it… it calls,” says Tim.

“Yes,” says Elias, even quieter, even more intense.

“Hastur thinks I’m doomed,” says Tim.

“So do I, fairly,” says Elias.

“Fuck you both,” says Tim. “I’m not.” Hastur’s hand tightens, and Tim finds himself blushing. “I’m not fucking doomed. I won’t do that.”

“It wants you very much,” says Elias. “The harder you resist, the harder it will pull you.”

“Well, fuck it, then,” says Tim.

“There is a way out,” says Elias.

Tim goes very, very still.

“A dangerous one,” says Elias, “with a hefty cost; but should you choose to pay it, you will not be devoured.”

What? says Hastur quietly. That’s not a thing.

“I assure you, it is,” says Elias. “It is possible to lose the attention of the Fears. Tim, I say this with full belief that you, lord Hastur, will obtain your very own body, becoming powerful and terrifying; I say this without any intention to raise your ire. As you have both noted, I like being alive, and I intend to keep doing it. Lying to you would not help me keep doing it.”

That much is true, cleric, says Hastur, and this rumble, this rumble is not friendly, this rumble is not calm, this rumble does not soothe or seduce the way half the sounds he make seem to do. This man belongs to me.

Tim rolls his eyes.

If your lies lead him to harm, you will wish your life was forfeit.

There is real fear in Elias’s expression, but it doesn’t seem to be a deterrent. “I know,” he whispers.

Tim’s instinct is almost never wrong. Something here is off. Elias’ fear is real; his determination to survive is real; his hope to avoid Hastur’s anger is real. But something isn’t. Something here is a lie, and Tim can’t see it. He sets his jaw.

Elias clears his throat. “My suggestion is you go to Sheffield.”

“To the crazy fire-worshiping cultists? Not that it doesn’t sound like the best time ever, but are you out of your mind?” says Tim.

“No,” says Elias.

“You go to Sheffield, then,” Tim says.

Why would you want him to? says Hastur suspiciously.

“Because they expect it. Because if you fight too hard or too obviously, they will look harderâ€”and right now, Tim, I can completely guarantee that they do not know about your passenger. They only see the expected: a young man in the grip of anger, bereft of family or other human connections, already infested with such glorious rage. That is all. We do not want them to see more.”

“Wait,” says Tim. “If I go, I'm delivering him. I'm fucking putting him in danger!”

“Not necessarily,” Elias starts, but Tim overrides him.

“I am not putting him in danger,” Tim snarls, snarls, doesn’t recognize his own voice, and doesn’t realize there is smoke rising from around him (the air, his seat, the floor) until Hastur raises that left hand and gently cups his face.

Tim goes still.

“Amazing,” Elias whispers, eyes so wide that his sharp blue-gray irises completely show.

Not who I want to be. Tim takes a moment. Shuts his eyes. Breathes.

That’s it, says Hastur, smooth and low and sensuous. Breathe… five… four… three…

“Fucking dom,” Tim murmurs, and hopes he didn’t actually say that out loud, and obeys. It works. He relaxes. (The fire is still there still burning still unextinguished but he can’t do anything about that now.)

“Incredible,” says Elias, looking thrilled. “Tim, if anyone can do this, you can.”

“No,” says Tim. “There’s risks, and then there’s stupidity. No.”

Elias sees he means it. Elias (naturally) changes course as though he’d always meant to, all along. “Well, it’s for the best,” he says. “Jon would follow you, and I can’t imagine how poorly that would go. He’s not the most social of creatures.”

Tim gives him another look, this one edged with anger.

Elias shivers, but doesn’t close his eyes. “What will you do instead?”

“Those police,” says Tim. “I take it they’re still looking.”

“Ms. Tonner is,” says Elias. “The Hunt’s avatar. You will have to do more to get her off your tail.”

And suddenly, Tim realizes he has to change his mind. His mouth twists. “So… these people in Sheffield. This fire-cult. They’ve done bad things, yeah? They’ve gone out of their way to burn buildings and people. Yeah?”

“Oh, yes,” says Elias as if he were just propositioned.

Tim ignores that. “So tell you what. If you can guarantee me a way to focus her on them instead of meâ€¦ we’ll go.”

Tim that’s… I like that.

“Even though you might be in danger?” Tim says quietly.

I already am. This has the potential to turn one of the guns aimed at us in another direction.

Again, Tim dislikes the tone: again, it’s depressed, it’s accepting, it’s giving in. “I won’t let anything happen to you.”

I believe you’ll try.

Oh, fuck that. If fucking baby Merlin can't save this tiny, hidden piece of a god, then what's the point of any of it? “Well?” Tim says, turning all those feelings on Elias because he doesn’t know where else they can go.

Elias smiles. “Go see to Jon, won’t you? He’ll follow you if you don’t take him directly, and I think he’ll be safer if he’s under your care. Meanwhile, I have some phone calls to make. We can make this happen.”

Tim takes a slow exhale and nods. “Thanks for breakfast,” he says, and heads for the stairs.

#malevolent fic #tma fic #malevolent crossover #tma crossover #malevolent x tma #tma x malevolent #tim stoker #elias bouchard #jonathan sims #kiy malevolent

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