#just a bad mental health day i suppose

[bigothteddies]

attempting to fix my bad mood by christmas online shopping for my loved ones

[yummychiknsoup]

i am not doing good today

[honey-skulls]

HUGE VENT

I'm sorry but i need to get this out, just please don't worry too much or take anything personally/gen

My routine these last two weeeks has been:

-Wake up at my 10 am alarm and spend the whole day in bed, mentally and physically exhausted, brain fog and no motivation for anything, only getting up to eat, having to wait for the "food time" hours to roll around that my therapist gave me because I'm not allowed to eat outside of those hours and if I'm hungry but missed the last food time then too bad, struggling to stay awake because again I'm not allowed to sleep out of the "sleep hours" she gave me and that includes naps, excitedly waiting for 21h30/22h to roll around so i can finally sleep

-Spend the evening mentally screaming in my mind because, while my body is still just as physically exhausted, my mind is suddenly sharp and full of ideas and motivation, but i'm still too tired to get up and draw

-Then spend midnight and onward rolling around in bed, hot and bored out of my mind because my physical tiredness also vanished, but i'm not allowed to get up and draw because it's "sleep hours" and i need to reschedule my body, and end up falling asleep at around 5 am

I'm totally not slowly loosing my mind 😃👍

Edit: Oh also the constant noise in my ears has gotten worse, i don't know what silence is anymore

Silence is actually worse than loud rooms

It's driving me insane

It's so loud

[halfdeadwallfly]

Fuck OCD, actually.

Fuck the fact that my walk home takes three times as long as it should because I have to stop and walk on the right cracks and adjust myself and do the right tics to stop my body from feeling like it might burst if I don't.

Fuck the tics that give me headaches and put stars in my eyes and make me lose my balance and stop in the middle of the street.

Fuck every time I have to flex my muscles so hard and repetitively that I get painful cramps and can't move and feel sore for days.

Fuck the looks people give me in public because my symptoms are visibly strange.

Fuck the agonizing uneven feeling that spreads through my whole body if I don't stop to fix it.

Fuck having to sanitize my hands so often that my skin is dry and peeling.

Fuck not being able to open doors without knowing that I'll be able to clean my hands immediately afterward.

Everything that's both so small and so big and so numerous that I can't even list it.

Everything that impacts my life, even in the little ways. I'm doing the work, and I'm trying to make this better. Easier.

But why is it that it had to be like this in the first place?

[princessmyriad]

.

[the-adas]

this stupid fucking class

[charmallows]

every day people misunderstand steven universe future and every day i have to pay for it (being very annoyed)

[mcalhenwrites]

I'm not going to pretend it doesn't make me angry that I spend months and years trying to peddle my work to make ends meet, that I spend so much time mentioning my books and comms and everything, and people ignore that consisently... But the moment I finally break under the hopelessness - when it's obvious that it's fucking futile, that almost no one deems my work good enough to share with anyone else - suddenly they're concerned and scolding me. I'm working several jobs, bathing, generally keeping things clean, and I do this with several health problems including chronic pain. I found out that one of my cysts is growing and I may need to have it surgically removed. Which means potentially missing work to recover. Which means more money I lose. I spend so much time crawling out of the hole and it goes ignored, but the moment I just give up bc I don't have any strength left, suddenly that's my fault and I'm mentally sick. And that kind of makes me wish my entire situation upon people, and when they whine that it's hard, well fuck you, you thought I could ace it so surely you can, babe! I hate being angry about this, but it's just so exhausting to tell people who accuse me of not trying that I HAVE I HAVE SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU DID NOT PAY ATTENTION THEN Or you know you're attempting to gaslight me by claiming I didn't try despite that I obviously have worked my ass off trying, and that's so much fucking worse

[cartoon-skeleton]

I THOUGHT the lighter course load would save me this semester but IT DIDNTTTTT it’s like my brain couldn’t just hold out for one last semester of school. it short circuited literally the second school started back up. Bro come back I need u. Like I was so creative and productive over the break so I know my brain isn’t TOTAL mush. right. BLEASE im scared

[daz4i]

at a point of my depression where the only upside of going outside is that when i come back i have the momentum to take a shower and it saves me having to shower before bed when it's way harder and very draining to get to it

[skaruresonic]

how to explain that I feel paranoid that a longtime mutual unfollowed and may have vagued about me but I can't know for sure, without coming across as though I have Le Victim Complex, because there is a history of mutuals doing that

also how to explain that I've been feeling worthless recently, and trying to grapple with the fact that people seem to think every post I make is me trying to start shit when I'm not

also how to explain that even though I don't want to be angry, I've been suffering some pretty bad mood swings lately and inclined to isolate because of it

[shimp-heaven]

[mingirn]

seasonal depression 0… mars 1

[robinsnest2111]

ngl people at the therapy program noting how I switch between wildly different styles every single day (and drawing conclusions about my mental health) has me a little self conscious and questioning my entire life a bit. First impulse is to go back to no make up, unstyled hair in a low ponytail and baggy nondescript clothes 24/7 again. the old "don't stick out/make myself a target or else i get hurt" mentality coming through. but I know it'd bum me out in no time because so many different styles and looks make me happy and my style is very music and vibes based, switches on the daily. augh...

[radicalhighway]

man. sux to see ive actually radically dropped interest in pokemon. been meaning to replay violet for yonks now and i still have yet to even buy the dlc. used to be day 1 super excited go crazy go stupid over that shit but now its just smth neat i can put on the back shelf and interact w later. wild

[wildermouse]

vent iii.