#ive been really not myself since i got out
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happy solvermas
#cause t. no actually if christ is the son of god and the solver is god then it'd be like uzimas#quick sketch i pulled out of my ass yesterday to see if i could get myself out of art block/burnout/whatever ive got going on#v was added after cause i had no idea how to work her into the scene#implied nuziv or something look man im just desperate about this ship#and i dont know how to draw fluff or whatever#im so bad at romance i dont know how to express it#but i've been desperately trying to draw nuziv for the past months#i think this is actually like some of my best linework yet im really satisfied with everything right now#been a long time since i've felt that#turns out the “stop overthinking every pixel of the expressions and just draw the approximation the audience will get the jist” approach wo#ks#something something n is the star of their life. tree light chrismtas#it is taking. All of my restraint right now#to not be So Mean to all of you#You Don't Even Know#I Could Do Something. I Might Still.#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#murder drones v#serial designation v#murder drones cyn#i need liam to explain whether cyn and the solver are the same person already so i can tag them appropriately its driving me nuts#oh yeah cyn got a plush core to chew on by the way#the idea of giving her a chew toy was rolling around in my head and i think its a very funny visual so here we are
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DAD!SCOUT x FEM!READER PT.1
Summary: A christmas get to together that may be the start of the rest of your life
word count: 781
Authors note: I don’t remember how long after the christmas party was so I just said 7 years and sorry I got bored of the original scour fic but if anyone wants I might go back to it.
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10 years. Its been 10 years since the last time you saw Jeremy. You live a single life alone, no kids, just a dog but even in your lonely life youre happy. One day you get a letter in the mail from Jeremy Willis. You hastilly rip it open and nearly scream when you read the contents of it.
‘Hey y/k I miss you. I’m having a little Christmas get together with all the team and I would love to have you there.’
You are ecstatic and quickly pack all your things and rush to the airport with your dog. You had been alone for so long just the idea of being with some real friends makes you happier than you could imagine. You have “friends” but they have never fought beside you, almost died for you, and would do anything for you. They aren’t family like they are.
You get to Jeremy’s house on Christmas day. You can hear the boisterous laughter even from the driveway. You rush to the door and knock which you are greeted by a handsome (and very haircut needed) Jeremy.
“Y/K!” He gives you a hug. “Ive missed you so much!”
You hug back and smile warmly. “I missed you too Jeremy.”
You walk in and see kids running about “Wow are these all yours?”
“Hell ya well most of them those few are sollys but the others are mine.”
“Do…you have a wife?” You ask reluctantly because some stupid part of you still has a crush on the same man you haven’t seen in years.
“Pff those dead beats are gone for good. Im raising these beauties all by myself.”
You look in shock and a little relief. “Jeremy thats amazing.”
You all sit down eating and catching up on on eachothers new lives. After a while you find yourself on the floor playing with Jeremys kids. Tanya is running around in spys mask and the others are playing toys with you. Jeremy cant help but fawn over you playing with his kids.
When you look over and see him he looks away embarrassed for staring. You wave him over to come play, but a few moments later the kids leave to go play with your. Leaving you and Jeremy alone.
“You have a beautiful family Jeremy.”
“Thank you, you should come by more often youre great with them.”
“Maybe I will.” there is a long silence between you before Jeremy speaks up.
“You uh got a husband?”
“No and I dont have kids.” you sigh “I just havent found the right person yet.”
“I know what you mean, I got 3 ex wifes.”
You look up “3?! Why?”
“Well the first one cheated, the second one was a bad mom and the third left me for a woman.” He sighs “I just i dont know, I know 3 is alot but I just have so much love to give and no woman to give it too. But now I have my kids and I couldn’t be happier.”
You give him a hug “I love that for you Jeremy.” it stays quiet again for a moment. “You know, all those years ago I had a raging crush on you.”
“Really!?”
“Yes, but I kept it too myself because I knew you liked miss pauling. After you said you would move on I thought about speaking up but I was too scared too…. sometimes I wish I did.”
“I had no idea y/k, I wish you did because well I had a thing for you too.”
You both laugh softly at your obliviousness.
“Would, you ever want to go out to eat or something?” He asks nervously. “I know it’s been so long since we’ve last seen eachother but it feels like you never left.”
“I would love too.” You smile warmly.
“Great! But dont tell my kids I want to bring them around another girl unless I know its gonna work, you know?”
“I completely understand. Having in introduce a third girl to the family sounds like alot.”
“Thanks for understanding.”
The kids run back and jump on Jeremy all yelling ‘DADDY’
“Yes? What’s up?” They all yelled about some shenanigan Misha and Herberts baboon got into, leaving you alone excited for what’s to come
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#team fortress 2#tf2#tf2 scout#tf2 x reader smut#tf2 scout x reader#tf2 spy#sniper tf2#heavy tf2#tf2 medic#tf2 sniper
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#want him. badly. miyoni akita my beloved#hes $15 and $15 too expensive for us rn lol but hopefully ill be able to get him soon!!!#i have a snaps application so maybe thatll help ease the financial burden a little bit#im home from the hospital btw. worst 28 hours of my life#there was a guy screaming at the nurses and calling them the n word and the t slur and threatening to attack ppl#i wasnt allowed to close my door and this happened in the room next to mine#they eventually had to sedate him#but it was bad even leaving that part out#they said they gave me a medication they never did#they never called my mental health team like at all. libby had to tell my therapist i was in the hospital#theyre supposed to keep you a minimum of 72 hours but let me go next day#the only book that wasnt like the last book in a series that i havent read was fucking nuts#had two graphic suicides in the first chapter then had child r*pe in it like graphically#i didnt really go watch the tv in the lobby cause of that guy#so i sat in a tiny room with no windows and just laid there#the first psychiatrist i saw was evil like questioned all my diagnosis and told me i shouldnt have ptsd from chikdhood issues#like it shouldnt still be effecting me#she also tried to take away my plushie but the nice nurses stood up for me so i got to keep moonmoon with me#ive been really not myself since i got out#ive been really angry and short tempered#i have nightmares about being in a cage#if im being completely honest i almost think i feel worse now then i did before#but im just going to keep it all to myself cause i never ever want to go back#so if anyone asks im feeling much better and im perfectly fine :) lol
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im everything you hate
blood ver
#junko enoshima#mine#um. hi#i just had top surgery and like man i have not been doing much at all since i got back from hospital. mostly just sleeping and scrolling...#but. i have spent leik my five days of recovery so far slowly painting a junko. so have that#sory i dont post much anymore. i do draw quite a lot i guess but i rarely have anything finished that i can post. or looks nice enough#ive been in a weird place with how i engage with public fandom for around a year now too and its been changing my motivation to post things#the danganronpa fandom can be a really cruel place. hence why i've been only showing up when i want to. stay safe out there.#also fuck PLEASE CLICK FOR QUALITY or i kill myself#do not tell me she has a missing finger. i know. i dont care. im going to sleep.#also dont talk to me about the transparency being fucked up I KNOW . 👎
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how do people even find partners. i dont want a bullshit answer, like really
#maybe im intimidating but no one has been interested in me#its just. rough#and i cant force myself to like anyone romantically if i dont feel compatability#i just want to be cared about in an exclusive way that friendship alone cant fix#i dont post abt this often but i got no sleep so yall gotta deal#its um. crushing sometimes#i dont even know if im aro as cope. once i did THC im more emotionallt aware and its. haha#the people around me tell me things that make me feel like im a catch and i feel it myself but NO ONE has advanced#and ive only felt attracted to one person in my life. who was taken ofc#im not sure it wouldve worked out good though anyway since im more emotionally mature#but it was because he expressed genuine care towards me and made me feel good about myself in honest ways i havent heard from anyone#and made me feel important to him#so im really at a loss#and also our conversations flow really smooth and we agree on many things that we find important#are there any extroverts that confidently wear their hearts on the sleeves and try to bring joy that want me#someone sensitive to my needs#my needs of which are actually very very basic#hi
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#datv spoilers#dav spoilers#veilguard spoilers#datv critical#i think what most like. gets me here.#is not that this game was a misfire. it's whatever even i did find it diasppointing overall#i thonk what i much more disturbing to me about it is just how much this feels like a death knell for the IP that i love#we'll probably get more but i expect it will have the same like. sanitized marvel-esque feel#and none of the soul that made me love it in the first place#very sad to have to watch this thing i've adored and that has been with me through so many difficult experiences#that brought me together with lifelong friends#have to die this kind of a slow death and just get hollowed out#*sigh*#tho tbh it's kinda shocking it's lived this long as well as it has#the ea purchase was really what spelled the demise it's always been a matter of time for bioware#and dragon age had a target on it as soon as it got traction and popularity#not that bw has ever been blameless in a lot of these choices just that EA is arguably one of the worst corporations overlords to have#and i don't think think the environment for bioware to evolve into what it could have been has ever existed since that happened#dao was a game that existed in the same vein as the orginal nwn and kotor and bg#that's what bioware's bread and butter always was#and for all that i have a lot of affection for mass effect i think it set a precedent for moving away from that original winning formula#and instead of expanding in new ways or building from both models or whatever#it's just gotten smaller and more dumbded down and more constricted#and bg3 is the closest a recent game has gotten for me to that old feeling and even that had its off notes#i just feel ick about it all. im not giving up on the possibility that this is a ship that could get turned around#but i just....i have reached a point of acceptance that i may never feel deeply enthusiastic or passionate about these games again#no one can take what ive had with the first 3 but#it really sucks that i just kind if have to resign myself to that
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i could write a 100 page essay about what a fucking masterpiece warframe is. i will write many words in the tags. please readem if you want my 'tism.
#ive been playing on and off since 2019 but its only recently when i dumped destiny 2 (probably for good) and picked it up#to fill the grind-shaped hole in my heart#that i have uncovered just how FUCKING INCREDIBLE warframe is#everything about it makes me incredibly autistic#from its masterful utilization of an incredibly styled and individual soundtrack full of absolute bangers#to its seemingly unique understanding of how and why an MMO is special to and because of its players#and its truly special story- a uniquely human take on the “post-ruin scifi” tale#it knows exactly how and when to yank on your heart to make you weep like a baby#and it knows exactly when you're going to get angry and want vengeance#and it knows when to let you let loose and unleash hell#SPOILERS FOR THE NEW WAR AHEAD#IF YOU THINK YOU COULD PLAY THE GAME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DO#SPOILER WARNING#i think the narmer corruption of fortuna was genuinely one of the most gutpunchingly horrible moments ive ever experienced in a video game#i started playing when fortuna was already in the game but the story of fortuna and vox solaris was really what made warframe stand out 2 m#i would drop into the orb vallis as gauss and dash around doing bounties and fishing and mining because i really loved everything about#fortuna and wanted to spend as much time there as possible#for me vox solaris was my proudest achievement (in warframe.) to say “i helped that! i did that!” was an incredibly good feeling#the story really spoke to me on a deeper level#and vox solaris has always been my favorite faction as a result#so to do absolutely everything that i could#to lift together with my tenno brothers and sisters and yet STILL fail?#and to have it rubbed in my face by the corruption of the greatest shining pillar of hope in the warframe universe?#felt like i got kicked in the stomach#i felt sad and angry. but most of all i was DRIVEN.#which is GOOD. because RARELY does a video game present you the “you lost” scenario and have it feel not only satisfyingly painful#but MOTIVATING.#my only complaint with the new war is that i didnt get to hack ballas to pieces by myself#i had real flashbacks to running around helping people as gauss while approaching the final boss with erra#and to step onto the ballas arena as gauss prime. i nearly came from the narrative significance
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#vel 17#hanging out in my silly bedroom drinking too much water to handle#thank you so much#i'mma do something i dont think ive done in years and like#give commentary in the tags & shit#i think simply put ive been trying to find ways to talk about my stellar combo of ocd a panic disorder and cptsd for a long time now#& i still honestly have no clue#once i wasnt surfing from place to place last year i really just locked myself in here#and that was 10 months ago (7 months after it got really fucking bad). ive been feeling like this pretty much since i turned 25#finally being able to process what the people in life had to tell me was a years worth of legit psychological abuse#but now thats even getting outside my comfort level at the moment and ive been recontextualizing my whole life over here#ive barely been posting pictures outside of my bedroom cause ive barely left it#if you see this it means it escaped my drafts and i was bold enough to publish this tagspeak#i am merely just trying to expel ocd ruminations dont mind me 🪩#but idk. talking like this makes me feel gross and i'm starting to realize people don't usually feel it to THIS extent. like i feel nauseou
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half a Saïx (and thumbnail) done on twitch
#kingdom hearts#kingdom hearts saix#kh saix#this was actually really fun!#for a while ive been dreading over more complicated art#since i got out of practice and thought retraining myself was too daunting#but like everything i just had to try n shit#my skills fell into place and suddenly im not lost anymore. really helps im not tryna be a perfectionist#fuck all that it was bc of the thumbnail pose
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hmmm I do not see how I'm going to be able to make it to 26
#5 months left until then but like. I say this not in a I'm a threat to my own safety way but in a way that expresses#how I cannot parse my own future. its august and Ive accomplished nothing. no jobs want me. everyone is moving on with their lives#doing stuff making plans being successful and I just. have nothing. nothing to show for anything. I dropped out of college#didnt work for a year and then had that retail job for not even a full year#got fired. it's been a year since then and what do I have. fuck all that's what. the world keeps turning and I'm stuck in quicksand#watching everyone dawdle off into the sunset#no marketable skills. I won't go back to retail. I won't do food service. I refuse to debase myself for a big corporation just to live#I won't compromise my morals for a big company just to live. every day I wake up and for what#to just roll the boulder that is a 24 hour day up a hill and when I go to sleep it rolls back down and I have to do it over again#I've been doing that for what seems like forever. there's no change. nothing has changed. everyone else has but I haven't#no life no job no money no prospects it really would be better if I just fuckin. well there'd be no major changes to anyone's day to day#I can say that much
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Anything on Neglected Karai at all? Is she Splinter’s daughter? Personality, skills, relationships, pronouns, or anything at all?
nah she's a 404 imagine not found screenshot and she doesn't exist she has no pronouns skills relationships or personality and she isn't anyone's daughter she came from the void and to the void she will return. amen.
#nnstuff#ask#sorry but like. im in college. i already cant make the art i want to cuz im busy all the time#yea i know a lot of characters outside the main cast are underdeveloped#i know we barely see april#i know the foot clan basically doesnt exist yet#if this were my full time job and i got like. paid to do it or something maybe i could come up with something but as it is !#im sitting at my work desk trying not to imagine killing myself because this next assignment is going to make me miserable for#at least another full month#and i didnt get to choose my partner because everyone else had already paired up because they all just. fucking known each other somehow#even though ive been with them all since freshman year#somehow im just not friends with any of them#and all i really want to do is attempt suicide to get out of it!!#but i CANT because god knows i wouldnt succeed!! and then i'd have to face making everyone i know fucking miserable#SO!!!!#TL:DR IM WORKING ON IT
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dude im being so brave rn
#logbook#cleaning out the fridgeeee lets fucking gooooo. oof.#doing it while the housemates are gone for various reasons but mostly so i can toss out the trash b4 they get back#planning to make my bed. then do plant chores after this.#ive given up on leaving the house this weekend which is fine bc leaving the house really becomes a several hours time.#like living up and out of the city and needing to get to the city on days im off? boo. just let me stay up here.#i got in my old person porch time this morning. played games and experienced the birds at my feet.#the fact that im not hurting so bad today is a win esp since tmrw im back at work and will just be hurting all over again#i'll just plan for errands after work instead and let myself clean the house which has been stressing me out sooo much lol#also i got new sweatpants and they are legit the cosiest ones. they top my other cozy pair. wild.#dude icb its nov. . .so much going on rn im truly distancing myself from all my life shit to clean house. literally.#work has been so shit every fucking day idk if i can do this anymore tbh#anyways no matter. im alive and still existing in case anyone was wondering.#i hope everyone and their plants and creatures are doing ok. mwah.
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FOR THE LIGHT OF OUR SAVIOUR (SAVIOURRR) HIS MACHIAVELLIAN GRACEEE(GRAA AAA CE) AND IN THE SHEEN OF HIS SPLENDOUR (SPLENDOURRR) THERE IS A BETTER PLACEEEEE!!!!!! LETSGO
#JUST LISTENED ALL THE WAY THROUGH FOR THE FIRST TIME.#to clarify it's been ages since i started listening to ghost but i've been saving a few songs for special occasions#to really drag it out#finally got around to watcher in the sky#which is a banging title btw ive been so so excited#and RIGHTLY SO. ohhhh my god i won't be going to sleep any time soon#THE INSTRUMENTAL???#THE CHOIR BEHIND THIS PART. ASKJHDGVCYHULIWJDCSH#SEARCHHHLIGHTSSSS#U KNOW???????#god this is good i love them so so much#i'm back in my room at my parent's house#which is where i vividly remember hearing year zero for the first time#and it feels like i've just fallen in love with them all over again#the band ghost#this might be pushing impera above meliora for my favourite album to be completely honest#the weight of the impera songs ... if that makes any sense#it doesn't lmao i'm trying to articulate myself here and it's not working#all that's in my head is searchlighttsssss looking for the watcher in the sky yy#i think. its the high energy of impera. and that's what ghost excels at#and the more theatrical the better#i need to shut up and listen to it again
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#anyways hahahahaha#i know i literally just got to meet phil#after a LIFETIME fixation#and have so much fun at the show#and i know it was HUGE and so wonderful and im so grateful that i got to be there at all muchless meet them#and everyone was so nice to me even tho i didnt have much energy to give them#and i know it sounds stupid and whiny#but god#i am so FUCKING BURNT OUT#ive been riding on fumes for weeks#really for years but im at an exceptionally thin spot rn#and i cant get thru an hour without crying for no reason#im shaking with exhaustion no matter how much i sleep#and lord i sleep a lot lately#all of my hobbies and interests are just kinda there peripherally#nothing interests me and the things that do interest me exhaust me to even think about doing#its been work home work home work home in an increasingly agonizing cycle for the last little bit#and hey man idk if i can keep doing it#ive been working fulltime for 13 years#the longest ive been unemployed was 5 months (?) and not even consecutively#and i was still doing side jobs then#everything is passing in a haze because I have no energy to extend to it#its everything i can do to get myself up in the morning and drag through my work day#i was at the show last night. that ive been wanting to go to since i was 8#i got to meet phil after 16 years#i got to hug them both#and see a lovely show#and the entire time i just felt numb and exhausted and was aching to just go home and sleep so i could shut off#not to kink post on main#but i used to heavily lean on dom/sub dynamics so that i could have someone else be in charge for at least ONE aspect of my fucking life
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if an artist says their turnaround time is usually a week and that they should be done with your specific commission by the end of the week, then goes nearly three weeks without saying something, is it OK to ask them for an update on your commission? I'm a bit torn on whether I should wait a whole month
#as someone who takes comms myself if i were me i would have sent an update after being unable to finish it within my turnaround time#just to be like hey heres what ive got so far sorry that this isnt the turnaround time i said it would be in my comms listing#but also im NOT them so 🤷 idk. literally anything could have happened and maybe they cant even use their phone right now#i dont wanna send them an email (even the very politely worded one ive been drafting) bc i dont want to be rude like at all#but also this person didnt get back to me for over a month when i first reached out to commission them so#im starting to see that for the red flag it was#and not like. a sign that they just have so many commissions to do. because it doesnt take long to send an email that says#'sorry im a bit too busy with other comms right now to take yours/work on yours'#i wouldnt have been mad. i would have either waited to comm them or taken my business elsewhere#i also wanna be clear i dont mind long turnarund times ive waited literal months for a comm with no complaints#its just the fact that they promised to finished it (completely unprompted) and then havent... said ANYTHING for WEEKS that seems sus to me#its crossed my mind i may have been scammed since they havent shown me anything more than a sketch#edit: part of the im really regretting comming them is because ive already waited a month to even like finish the TAKING my comm process#since they randomly didnt email me back for weeks right as we were finalizing the details#like i waited a LONG time to even be like 'are you still taking my comm?' bc in my head i was like#'they must have other comms that they havent mentioned (totally valid btw) if i wait the queue will be clear'#and then... yea idk i just dont think that was the case if their turnaround time is actually a week#which is a really short turnaround time anyway imo theyre making it too hard on themself#(funnily enough i have the same turnaround time which is why i know it can be challenging to do it in a week but its also completely doable)#anyway back to the fact i probably got scammed. their 'sketch' though i didnt wamna say it looked VERY much like#they just traced my concept sketch#which 😰
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Do you not interact with the rgg fandom as much as you did before? I remember back then you’d tweet and reply quite a bit but now you just post art every now and then is there a specific reason?
i interact with the rgg fandom as much as i always have, i just post art less compared to the like. comic-a-day thing i had going on a while ago lol
and there's no decisive reason for that: i just dont have any rgg to post ! whenever people inbox me here though i'm fully prepared to write a 30-tag ramble in response; even if i dont post about a thing i'm always excited to talk about it :]
#snap chats#if you feel as though theres been a lack of asks as of late then its because. Theres Been A Lack Of Asks LMAO#i generally answer all asks unless its something like. tumblr eats it or its asinine but my tolerance for 'asinine' is high so lol#ive posted near every ask ive gotten for the past some years so rest assured im set to talk bout most things#i got sleeper agents for my interests anyhow even if i have a different 'main' one i can always be dragged back with a good convo#like i was talking about kiryu with my brother yesterday since we were talkin about charas with good intentions but awkward executions#and then i went into a ramble about kiryu and daigo so rveakjvkw#but on twitter /specifically/ i like. never tweeted non-art things about rgg LOL what do i hate myself#and i usually only talk to people on twitter if they reach out to me or tag me in something which. no one does 💀💀💀#i talk to some mutuals on priv though but that's always been really sparse- i dont seek out interactions i just feel awkward about it#overall im generally really secluded when it comes to interacting with fandom i like barely look in tags or look for discussions#maybe when i JUST join one but once ive like. 'moved in' so to speak i stop going in there all together unless i get really bored#its not that i GREATLY prefer being alone or anything like that. i just. post when i feel like it and thatll be that vlkeajkal#if i see anything i like on my tl or dashboard then thats like 90 thousand bonus points but otherwise Yeah
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