#judgmental type

[tariah23]

For some reason, I thought that Chongyue’s personality would be different? (I have no clue if he’s appeared in the story before or not) but even though his design is fairly elegant, and he really does come off as charming and thoughtful from the little that I’ve read thus far (I’m attempting to play through the story’s event even though I suck and will probably be tripped up early on and will not be able to progress), I just had a slight feeling that he was going to be a little bit more lighthearted and slightly silly lol. He just gave me those vibes for some reason. But um, he’s so cool, I hope I get him but with my luck…

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

[ily-no-romo]

You’re ok with people stimming in theory but are you ok with people stimming without using fidget toys? If you found out someone bites their nails, destroys their cuticles, peels the skin off their lips, picks at their scalp, picks their nose, would you think that’s gross? Even if you never see it and you know they wash their hands? Can you accept people stimming in ways that are very noticeable? People who make a lot of noises no matter how hard they try to be quiet, people who need constant movement no matter how hard they try to sit still, people whose stims draw attention even when they’re trying to be discrete? What about people who use fidget toys but draw attention anyway?

Are you ok with all of that or do you start to feel like those people need to practice self control? Deep down, do you not consider that real stimming because you know some people can stim in ways that are quiet, discrete, socially acceptable ?

Just something to consider when unlearning internalized ableism

[bethanydelleman]

To be frank, I find the introvert/extrovert discourse online insane and completely ridiculous. People will fight to the death about if a character, Elizabeth Bennet, is an introvert or an extrovert, and people: they are opposites. If I/E aren't easy to tell apart for a main character of a novel, the categories are meaningless. But then oddly, considering that no one can tell I/E apart, extroverts are also some weird totally different species from introverts.

But Elizabeth Bennet is an extrovert and checks every single extrovert box and the reasons real internet people keep giving that she isn't are bonkers:

She takes solitary walks. I have some crazy news for you, extroverts can walk. I, a certified extrovert, take solitary walks nearly every day because I have a dog, whom I adopted knowing I would take her on these walks. It's shocking I know; I don't even die of loneliness at all! Consider for a moment that Elizabeth Bennet spends all day surrounded by four sisters and a very talkative mom, not surprising she takes walks alone occasionally. You'll also notice that she does invite her sisters along most of the time.

She reads. More shocking news: extroverts can read. Some of them read a lot. You know enjoying being around other people doesn't exclude reading. In fact, in the Regency you could even read aloud as a group activity! That is something we see in the novel. And Elizabeth also puts down her book when she finds a conversation more interesting.

She processes issues internally. That is not her preference, she likes to talk it out with Jane. When she's leaving Hunsford, Elizabeth is desperate to finally talk with Jane about all the crazy stuff that has happened to her, but she is forced to conceal a good deal of it because it's about Jane. She can't discuss Darcy with the Gardiners because his proposal is a secret, but she is eager to talk about the Lydia thing and learn her uncle's opinion. Also, extroverts are fully capable of processing internally, because again, not a different species.

She has trouble talking/feels awkward after the second proposal. Who wouldn't be awkward? Do people honestly think extroverts never feel awkward??? Not even when they love a guy that they verbally destroyed a few months ago? Not even during a confession of love? We uh... do. We get awkward too. In fact, sometimes when an extrovert talks rapidly, they are trying to talk their way out of an awkward situation. I have to work myself up to making phone calls.

Anyway, it drives me totally up the wall. Elizabeth Bennet is an extrovert, she thrives around people. Both end couples, Jane & Charles and Elizabeth & Darcy, are introvert/extrovert pairings, which is fun. If you want an introverted heroine, Jane Austen wrote five of them and they are all excellent: Elinor Dashwood, Marianne Dashwood, Fanny Price, Jane Bennet, and Anne Elliot. Catherine Morland, Emma Woodhouse, and Lady Susan round out the extroverts. It's awesome that Austen had such range in heroines.

[bennflynt]

another bunch of judgment doodles

[one-vivid-judgment]

The sluttiest thing a man can do is leave the yakuza and start dressing like this

[thefructosefather]

Recent doodle dumps

[sistertonin]

can i say something and promise you won't get mad

(gif from @mxmoth)

[prince-liest]

I’m reading Witch King by Martha Wells, and now that I have read more than one (1) series by this author, I have been suddenly brained with a two-by-four sharpied over with “realizing that I really enjoy novels by Martha Wells because they live in the specific niche created by the intersection of casually and thoroughly queer casts and non-romance storylines”

I am as ever a sucker for non-human main characters struggling with their very human feelings, which is why I jumped on Witch King the moment I saw “the author of Murderbot wrote another book with a main character that’s non-human,” but I live in this dichotomy where I can really enjoy reading queer romances but I don’t really identify with non-ace characters (which is not actually something I figured out how to differentiate until I was Last Week Years Old). so there are lots of books out there that I enjoy reading but it’s comparatively rare for me to read something that feels like it was written For Me and Martha Wells does that very well

anyway, give me more ace it-pronouns human-spliced robot main characters and people-eating demons who consider rank over gender when finding new bodies to inhabit

[silverware-is-interesting]

some things i did with band kinito 'cause he's still pretty fun to draw

a will wood fan? me?! shocking! you could never guess! i've never posted a redraw of the normal album cover that i would've done with kinito or maybe sonny if i felt up to it maybe i will eventually. idk

i just searched up paint samples and chose a random picture for the palate here (i forgot the piercings i just can't be bothered to go fix it :/)

and some doodles of this stupid guy.

he's basically like that 'dramatic and annoying theatre kid' troupe. he fits that almost to a tee.

[raiiny-bay]

before & after :-)

[makersruin]

what are your thoughts on azem and what fandom does with the concept?

i like what azem offers as a nebulous idea of something emet-selch (and the other unsundered) believes to be better than the wol and as an unobtainable object of (platonic on my end) desire for them. and i prefer them to be some manner of unknowable entity that is haunting the narrative; i'd rather have a vague outline of them than a real person. in my case, i like having it that way because my wol was already the type to try living up to a memory of someone else, even if he doesn't know what or who exactly that memory is (which is the kind of conundrum that gets him in these existential nightmares to begin with). but even outside of him, i treat azem the way dgs1 treated klint van zieks, if you've played that game. long gone and never to return, but still keeps being relevant in some unknowable way that constantly gives the wol grief. i also prefer if azem were extremely flawed in some way, as if to reiterate that even the 'better' version of 'you' that emet-selch wanted was lacking to the sensible modern eye. all that being said, i really enjoy seeing people's personalized azems with their meaningful true names and tragic stories.

as for what the fandom at large does, generally speaking it's a mixed bag. this is a huge fanbase so there are varying degrees of how closely people stick to the canon when writing their azems. i like to go along with the canon (that everyone dressed the same etc etc) but that's because i have an investment in it that some people don't. my wol's story and the story of my favorite characters can't work if their society was willing to bend the rules even a little for just one person. that's not always the case for everyone. so i can't say every interpretation of azem is to my taste but the ones who go beyond my sensibilities are clearly prioritizing something different than what i am, so it's not even relevant to my interests. while i strongly disagree with the idea of highly customized azems with special robes and extremely elaborate masks who constantly breaks rules, my opinion doesn't (and shouldn't) matter to ppl who would rather just have a good time instead of sweating over the story like i do

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! I want to experiment with a new (to me) plushie pattern making technique*, but I'm not sure what I want to make with it. What complex plushies would you suggest? *it's the one where you make a 3D model out of crumpled paper or other objects and like masking tape around it, then draw on lines for the pieces, cut out the pieces, and add darts. I've considered doing it before but didn't want to crumple up that much paper on a technique that I might end up disliking, but it occurred to me this year I could use wrapping paper my family would be throwing away anyway! so this year I am experimenting lol

[torchickentacos]

The world may change at rapid paces that induce constant emotional whiplash, but at least there's one constant (pokemon xy anime discourse on twitter)

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[seariii]

My take on Kotoko as a morally gray person, about a morally gray character who thinks in black and white

first of all, i absolutely love this woman, so all of this comes from a kotoko enjoyer, but when talking about canon i can not turn the blind eye to the wrongs she has done. i will talk about my perception of her murder, of her as a character and about her beating up the guilty prisoners (i will put this emoji 🐺 when i jump subjects just to keep it organized)

this next phrase is my personal take, i know some will disagree with me and thats okay, which also works as a tl;dr:

Kotoko didnt do anything wrong outside the prison, but she did wrong inside of it

i know beating up people isnt actually good, but she did research upon research to get to the bottom of the cases she was investigating and found the culprits this way. "but she could've brought them upon justice" and you arent wrong about that, but the victim she actually murdered, even when his identity was revealed to the public, the law didnt bring justice upon him.

screenshots & translations from @/maristelina (i didnt put everything in here, if you wanna check all the articles, please go check on their post!)

her victim was a child murderer, he had already killed 10 girls in 2 years, but even then, he was still free because of his father’s position of power. 

then we have her other victim, the man she beat up and sent to the hospital

there are a couple articles dedicated to this one. but a quick run down: the man, Mikio Oshii, was wanted for theft and assault, having tricked at least 2 or 3 elderly people, pretending to be a bank employee, and convincing them to hand over cash, he pushed one of his victims, fracturing her ankle. 

then we have the article about Kotoko’s assault. again a quick run down: someone heard screaming and found a man lying on the ground, who had lost consciousness after being beaten up, and was taken to the hospital. the police suspects a man (kotoko was wearing men’s sneakers and covering herself up). the victim was wanted for theft and assault charges and was Mikio Oshii.

further proving that she was aiming at people who prayed on the weak, she had good intentions (at least at first), and we also have the facts that she was trying to go through the lawful(?) path at first 

she was studying law, showing us that she genuinely believed her cause, bringing justice to the world and protecting the innocent, or “weaklings” as she calls them, more on that later.  that she was gonna try and go for the morally correct route, but what changed? what is that thing she “wants to do”? i hope we get to see her reasoning on the next trial. for now i agree with the theory that says that her or her family was victim of someone like the guy that was above law for having money and a father with a position of power. showing her the flaws of the law/justice system and thus taking matters into her own hands.

🐺 i personally believe that there are some people who dont deserve second chances, like pedos and rapists, and like the man kotoko murdered, between others. so this is why i forgive her from her crimes. she did proper research, she is passionate about it, she wants to protect the weak, or thats what she tries to convince herself of, because this brings me to my next point

she does have those violent tendencies, and she enjoys them

“this feels so good”

this is from the t1 trailer, people suspect this were phrases they said after their murders. so i think there is a possibility that while she was trying to convince herself that her actions were for justice, to try and protect the weak, and i dont doubt that that was where it came from at first, she ended up doing it out of personal enjoyment.

i once read that “if you do a good deed because you want to do it, it means that you arent a good person. to be a good person you need to do good deeds without wanting something in return” meaning that you should be uninterested on even the satisfaccion of said deed. this is a phrase that i absolutely hate and dont agree with, but i think it applies in here. kotoko was trying to do something “good” (morality is on the bearer’s eyes) by bringing to justice people who kept escaping it, by taking revenge for those weaklings she so desperately wants to protect, and while thats her main motivation, she also does it because she wants to.

i believe my girl has a thirst for power. she is self righteous, the way she refers to the people she wants to protect as “weaklings” its like shes putting them down in some way, the way on her VD she just wants to keep rambling about her theories, the way she inserted herself on Mikoto’s interrogation, the way she just assumes Es’ intentions and doesnt seem to accept when they call her out on it. she doesnt listen to others at all and once her mind is set on something, there is nothing that can move her from there. she isnt a good person…. but also, she isnt a bad person, and i feel that the fandom forgets those two statements can coexist. even if she sees herself as a saint, and firmly believes that she did nothing wrong, thats because

🐺 her world view is black and white. and this is why while i condone her actions on her murder, i do not condone her actions of beating up the guilty prisoners.

a lot of the prisoners have a black and white morality, heck, milgram itself as a system IS black and white. and from what i’ve read, a lot of the fandom also thinks in black and white. all of which i find extremely… interesting…. tbf its the nd majority vote game about nd murderers on the nd website, so makes sense (im half joking, sorry)

kotoko attacked the guilty prisoners because thats what she had been doing, and thats what she got voted innocent for on t1 (i wasnt around). but no one told her to do that, she acted on her own, she misinterpreted her judgment and forced her opinions and methods on others, claiming it were Es’, without their knowledge and without ours.

as a side note, when i first got into the fandom, i found surprising to see that kotoko was inno and fuuta was guilty on t1, since from my perspective their crimes are basically the same, they both exposed and harrowed “bad” people.

i make a lot of emphasis on black and white thinking, since its something im familiarized with, for example lets talk Amane since its her trial is still going

she is the type of girl who will correct other’s mistakes, who will call them out and try to fix them so that the others can be right, like her. her truth is absolute and even when it flails, she stands her ground and proceeds to believe in herself and her views of the world. in what i said, you could re read that and it would also apply to kotoko, and just like her, Amane also convinced herself of doing something she wanted to do by telling herself it was the right thing to do. kotoko’s “protecting the weaklings” directly translates to amane’s “punishing her mother for her sins (hurting the cat)”. so while in both cases there were hidden feelings, something tells me neither of the girls knew about their own ulterior motives, thats how well they convinced themselves.

people who think in black and white just see it as it is, right or wrong, left or right, green or blue, there is no other choice but those two. and from my personal experiences with myself and with others, its something you end up applying in almost every aspect of your life and its really difficult to change up this way of thinking. beginning to see the grays of the world and its other options its not an easy task without some proper help

overall, i dont believe she was right for hurting the guilty prisoners, and fuuta losing his eye because of her gives me a horrible gut feeling. overall, it also ties on her need for power, since she firmly believes shes Es’ “fang”, thus reducing herself a weapon for justice, not implementing her own judgment anymore, but someone else’s, ours, which my problem with her actions in this scenario. i firmly believe that if outside the prison she had came across mahiru or fuuta, she wouldn’t have attacked them, but  after her t1 inno, and getting her ideals supported, her beliefs became radical, and now shes going based on our ideals, our judgments, our right or wrong, our black and white morality, MILGRAM’s black and white morality.

🐺 im still a kotoko inno truther, and i love her, shes my favorite character. but i dont expect her to get innocent this trial, as she did wrong. i dont want to say it was our fault that she harmed the other prisoners, since we had no way of knowing this would happen. in retrospect we can say whatever we want, but none of us can read the future. 

i dont even have a real argument on why you should vote her innocent “shes pretty” is not good enough lmao… but who knows, maybe we will see something that makes her worthy of an inno vote on her second trial a few months from now (not counting on it, probably wont be enough)

in the end i wrote this because im really passionate about this character and her black and white views on the world (shes so intense). and because this beautiful person @archivalofsins told me to "keep talking about kotoko" and i have zero self control regarding this fictional woman.

🐺 i believe with the help of a third party, someone who could act as a moral compass to her and could teach her that the world has more colors, more choices, and if she actually learns about this, she would end up being an amazing thing. 

also, if the theory about her being an accomplice of the serial killer turns out to be true, i will puke and cry :)