#jimmy the friendly crack dealer

[dead-inside-mcgee]

Jimmy: I never understood why people love having stupid friends.

Jimmy: Until I got a stupid friend myself.

Jimmy, holding Stan bridle style: I've only had Stan here for a day-and-a-half and if anything happened to him if kill everyone in this room and then myself.

[stanthewaterman]

submission from:  subtleshenanigans

So, I didn’t know if you’d take a fic submission or not??? But I thought I’d give it a go since I decided to post it on AO3. This is an angsty drabble, I guess, about Stan being addicted to the Oxy (no I am not caught up with the streams. But this could possibly sorta be spoilerish?)

Trigger warning for mention of drug abuse/addiction

————————//////////———————

Honestly, Stan hasn’t meant for it to become such a need.

He had viewed it like alcohol; not needed for a good time (and heck, he’d rather have water), but something to take the edge off. Help him relax.

He had Jimmy, and Kiki, and his water, even some other acquaintances in Los Santos now - the nagging thought of Denice and her string of lovers was fading in the background of his new life.

He never forgot about Roy, though. Roy, his sweet baby boy.

But the pain had lessened, as had the fear. Most people seemed to tolerate him in this new, wonderful town; and sure, he he was engaging in some …questionable side buissness in order to make the much needed ‘side salad’, heh, but he knew that he himself was an upstanding guy, and he’d smack the gob if anyone who said his friend Jimmy was anything less.

The Oxy hadn’t been a problem the first time he took it; after he’d been decked by Brenda he figured it was like taking a tylonal. Jimmy sure got weird about it after. And then it became like a joke. One of those weird, nagging jokes that isn’t that funny but you can’t help poking at your friend about it, you know?

But the more Stan brought it up…well he found himself becoming more serious about it. It went from completely joking, to semi-serious, until he took it just once for a headache-

“Stan?”

And now he was hiding the bottle he’d been rattling, fighting the urge to just take the edge off, a little. Lying with a smile to his best friend -

(Jimmy could tell; Jimmy could always tell when he took Oxy. He’d gotten really concerned the last few times, too.)

“You ready to go?”

“Yep! Never readier.”

An eye roll and a scoff. “That’s not - ugh, let’s just go.” Jimothy Friendly J Bending shook his head, walking off to the car.

-and he clenched the bottle in his hand closer, smile pinching into a grimace.

It wasn’t supposed become an addiction.

[nothing-but-dreamy]

ON THE EDGE ~ Pt. 3

Characters: Gavin Reed x fem!Reader; Connor; Hank Anderson;

Warnings: cursing

Words: 2.122

Gavin nodded while he checked the file in front of him, “Well, yeah… I never made the connection before-”

“That’s why I am here… for the things you won’t see.”, yn said teasingly. Gavin glared at her but she just stuck out her tongue which caused Gavin to smirk. Yn took another file and handed it to Gavin, “Here is another statement. Again this Joseph.”

Gavin frowned as he skimmed through the file, “Is that one of mine? I can’t remember-”

“No, it’s not yours. Actually, this is from Hank-”

Gavin’s head shot up from the file, “Hank? Have you talked with him about this?”, annoyance was hearable in his voice.

Yn looked at him with a challenging expression, waiting for him to say the wrong thing but he didn’t, so she answered, “Yes, I did. Because my partner was MIA, you remember?”, she asked rhetorically.

Gavin understood and decided to stay silent, swallowing down his pride, “Alright, yeah... so, you wanna trace this case?”

“I would like to do it, yeah. But first, we need more information or at least, we should collect everything we can find.”, yn said and wasn’t surprised to see Gavin making a face by mentioning ‘boring’ paperwork, “Listen, here’s the deal, you go home, take a shower and relax a bit. You kinda look horrible-”

“Thank you very much.”, Gavin muttered.

Yn smiled softly, “You know what I mean. Meanwhile, I will gather the information.”

“You sure?”, Gavin asked. It didn’t feel right to let her alone doing all the work but a shower was also something Gavin was yearning for after this kinda horrible day.

“Of course. You know, it feels good to be here and to have these files in my hands. I just want to enjoy this feeling a bit longer.”, she said softly, “And you hate doing paperwork anyway.”

Gavin knew how much she loved her job. She was as passionate about it as he was. They both wanted the same things: to hunt criminals and to bring justice to those who got hurt by all the bad people in this world. Now that she was back, he couldn’t remember how he had managed to stay sane without her. He stood up and donned his leather jacket, “Alright, but if you need help or anything, call me.”, he said. As he saw her doubtfully glance he added: “I promise, I will answer.”, he said softly and yn grinned. Reluctantly, Gavin left his desk but looked back at her one last time. In the end, he wished he hadn’t done it. The scene he saw was annoying but before his temper could blow his fuses once again, he left the DPD.

Just as Gavin was about to leave, Connor walked to yn. As yn noticed the android, she looked up from the files and shot him a warm smile, “Hey, Connor.”

“Hey. Could you talk with Reed about these files?”

“Yes, I could. I think we will have a new case here.”, yn answered with a smile.

Connor noticed the way her eyes sparkled when she was talking about the case and the work. He already noticed that she had a cheerful personality mostly in comparison to Reed and Hank. But the energy he saw now was something different. Connor had studied her career a bit. She was young, ambitious and one of Detroit’s best Detectives and now, he saw why she was this good: there was a fire burning in her. She wouldn’t give up until she would solve this case, “I’m glad the two of you could sort things out.”

“Yeah, Gavin is a bit hot-headed… some things will never change. You just have to know how to deal with him.”, yn said. On the other side of the room, she saw Hank getting done with work to leave the office, “You’re done for today?”

“Yes. The Detroit Gears have a game today and Hank wants to watch it in Jimmy’s bar. I accompany him to make sure he won’t get … too drunk.”

“Sounds like a good evening.”, yn admitted.

“Would you like to join us?”, Connor asked carefully and kinda shy. He wasn’t sure where this idea came from but the idea to spend more time with her was something he would like.

Yn’s brows shot up in surprise. This invitation was nothing she had expected, “Oh, uhm… you know, Connor, it’s very nice of you to ask but I… I want to work this through. But next time.”, she answered. Connor understood it and then, Hank was ready to leave the DPD. Yn smiled to herself. The way Connor had asked her was so pure and innocent that she was surprised that he was able to keep up with Hank and all the other cops. He was nice, friendly … even undeniable handsome with these soft brown eyes. Her glance fell on the small plant which caused her smile to get even a bit bigger.

*

It was past nine as yn realized that she was alone in the DPD. Well, there was herself, the police androids in standby mode and Captain Fowler was also still in his office. She sat straight in her chair which caused her spine to crack nasty. She rolled her head left and right and rubbed the back of her neck. As she looked hopefully into her cup, it was already empty.

“You know when the coffee is gone it’s the sign for you to go home.”, Captain Fowler said, who stopped next to yn’s desk, “What are you working on anyway? Something interesting? Or are you trying to make sense of Reed’s paperwork?”

Yn chuckled. Everyone knew that Gavin was a very good Detective with a high crime clearance rate but his manners casted a cloud over his victories most of the time, “No, his files are all fine. But I found something in them. First, there were just two statements with the same name of a Red Ice dealer. Hank also found something that suited this case in his own files. Now, I have a bunch of files and statements all with the same names and places.”

Fowler was hooked immediately. ‘Red Ice’ was still the main problem in Detroit. He grabbed a chair and sat next to yn’s desk, “Tell me more about it.”

Ten minutes later, she had summarized all the information she had found as best as she could. Fowler nodded slowly, seemingly deep in his thoughts. Yn waited for him to speak. She knew that the Captain hated it to get interrupted while he was considering his next steps.

“You really have found something. Maybe even something big. This Joker-guy must have a boss. What you said about him doesn’t sound as if he would be connected enough to get the drugs on his own.”

“I thought the same.”, yn admitted.

Fowler stood up, “Reed and you can follow this trace but, if you need anything, come to me. It’s your first case, take it easy. Even if I know you’re capable.”

“Thanks, Sir. Uhm… I might already have an idea.”, yn said and grinned.

**

After another training session on his boxing bag, Gavin took a hot shower at three o’clock in the morning. The water was slowly running down his body and relaxed all the tense muscles. He tried his best, but Gavin wasn’t able to keep a clear mind. His thoughts were always drifting to all the events of the past day.

The small plant... Connor… the hooker … how he had treated yn…

Gavin sank his head, his hair was falling into his face and the water was running down between his shoulder blades while he supported himself with his hands from the wall. Yn already had noticed that something was bothering him and he knew, if he wouldn’t watch out, that she would ask until there was no other way than telling her the truth why he was on the edge all the time.

Ten minutes later, he left the shower, flung a towel around his hips and stepped to the sink to look into the mirror. Yn had been right, he looked horrible. His lip was still slightly swollen, his cheek a bit red and dark shadows under his eyes betrayed that he was barely sleeping. He checked his appearance one last time, before he groaned, annoyed about himself, and left his reflection alone. There was no solution for any of these problems - and Gavin wouldn’t even start to try to find one.

*

A few hours later and filled up with much coffee, Gavin entered the DPD. He was determined to keep his temper calm. He really wanted to stay cool but as he walked to his desk, his blood pressure was already increasing again.

Yn was there, like an early bird, sitting at her desk. Next to her were Hank and Connor. Yn laughed loudly about something Hank had said and as Gavin came closer he heard something about ‘pigeons’. Gavin approached the small group, all the former good intentions long gone and his bad mood back in charge, “Don't you have your own desks?", he asked and looked annoyed at the two men.

Yn checked quickly on Gavin. He looked a bit better than the day before but she saw that he hadn’t slept again. So, yn wasn’t surprised to see him this moody. But the first thing she had learnt in handling Gavin Reed was to treat him with kindness if he decided to be a prick, "We wish you a good morning as well, Detective.", she said teasingly friendly while she observed his reaction.

"Yeah, yeah,yeah...", he answered bugged, "What is going on here?", Gavin asked and pointed at the file in Connor’s hand. It was one of Gavin's.

Yn rolled with her eyes, "Oh, hell! Calm the fuck down! Eat a Snickers!"

"W-what? Why?", Gavin asked dumbfounded and looked puzzled at her.

Yn grinned at him, "Because your boiling hot latin blood comes through when you're hungry!"

"Latin blood?", Connor asked with one raised brow.

Yn looked at him with a lopsided smirk, "His mother comes from Puerto Rico."

"Hey!", Gavin called out.

Yn looked back at him still grinning, "What? That's not a secret. Oh, and by the way, Hank and Connor are joining us on the Red Ice case-"

"No fucking way! It's our case!", Gavin called out. He got annoyed more and more, although he had planned this day differently, but somehow he got the feeling that yn was working against him.

"Orders from Fowler.", yn explained with crossed arms.

“Why?"

"I gathered all the information and… this case could be big, you know, it might even come with a lead to a drug boss. So, since I got Hank’s case file already involved and because he is the most experienced of us relating to Red Ice cases, it’s just the best solution to be successful. And Connor... he's a very intelligent and advanced boy. It could be useful to have an android on our side.", yn said and winked at Connor with a grin. The way she spoke about him gave Connor a good feeling.

Gavin pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, "Bloody hell! I should have stayed in bed.", he muttered.

Yn looked skeptical at her partner, "The way you look, I'm not sure what you use your bed for but it's not for sleeping."

Slowly, he looked at her and pressed his jaw together to swallow down the comment he had on his lips, "You... I need coffee!", he grunted and went into the kitchen.

Yn followed Gavin with her eyes, a smirk on her lips, "Maybe you should consider bathing in it rather than just drinking it."

Gavin showed her his middle finger and heard her chuckling.

Yn turned over to Hank with a grin, "It's really good to be back."

Hank smirked, enjoying the fact that Gavin got some backtalk, "Reed will kill you when he finds out that it was your idea to get us on board."

"I know.", she answered with a huge grin, “But I wasn’t lying. Fowler approved the idea. Gavin just doesn’t have to know that.”

Connor looked at her. How she grinned and how much fun she had treating Gavin like this was contagious. Connor grinned as well, in his eyes, Gavin deserved this, "You like to fuck him up, don't you?"

Yn looked at the android and nodded slowly, "Hell yes. It's funny. And very easy."

Gavin came back, sat at his desk, took a sip of his coffee but stayed silent.

"Better?", yn grinned.

"No.", Gavin muttered low.

"Perfect. The best base to start the briefing."

[bugsharxx]

Stan the Water Man Character Descriptions

For the people just getting into the Stan the Water Man series

Stan(iel) Elizabeth Wheeler (Stan the Water Man):

-Ex-wife Denise was cheating on him with a French-Canadian man named Fredrique (and many other men that worked/showed up at their house)

-Has a (non-biological) son named Roy the Water Boy

-39 year-old virgin

-Obviously bisexual

-Runs a water delivery company called Stan the Water Man’s Friendly Water Delivery Service (The “Friendly” part was inspired by Jimmy)

-Can’t talk to women properly (except for Kiki)

-Terrible at flirting

-Pisses a lot (especially in Jimmy’s car)

-Pretty much turns into Darkiplier whenever he takes oxy (and scares the crap out of Jimmy)

-Can’t keep secrets

-Was in a coma the first four hours he was in Los Santos

-Argues with the voices in his head 24/7

-Has random muscle spasms and seizures across his entire body (usually ends with hitting Jimmy in the face)

-Hates anything that isn’t water (coffee=the devil’s juice)

Jimmy/Jimothy Bending (Friendly J):

-Nicest crack dealer in Los Santos

-Forced into prostitution by Alabaster Slim (bitch-slapped with baby powder)

-Prostitute name is Velvet Aurora

-Lowkey afraid of dogs (and of Stan taking oxy)

-GAY

-Always looks out for Stan no matter what

-Calls Stan “sunflower”

-Refuses to give Stan crack and offers to pay off his debt so he doesn’t end up like him (crack dealer/addict, prostitute, criminal)

-“I’ve only known Stan for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I’d kill everyone in this room and then myself” energy

-Gives awful relationship advice

-Gives good sex advice (safe sex, LGBTQ+ sex, how some people (aces) don’t like sex and that’s perfectly okay)

-The best boy

-Possibly a furry

Kiki Chanel:

-Deputy of the Los Santos Division of Fashion and Fabric

-Trans-Pacific Railway

-Pronouns: chug and choo

-Thinks she got blown off by Stan after he got into a coma

-Very masculine

-“BLOURGGH- BLOUUGH-!!!”

-Toxic feminist

-Father abandoned her

-Supposedly went through a goth phase in high school

-“HOOWWWW DAAARE YOOOUUU!”

Aaaand that’s pretty much it (for the main characters at least)

I hope this was helpful

[souleater1987]

Sticky Notes (FriendlyPack Fic)

Title: Sticky Notes

Pairing: Stan Wheeler x Jimmy Bending (FriendlyPack)

Summary: Stan and Jimmy had been boyfriends for a while now and Stan thought of a perfect 1st anniversary date for jimmy. He places sticky notes with clues of where he is. With their friends helping Stan with the idea. At the end of the scavenger hunt, Jimmy finds Stan wearing a blue tuxedo with his signature Fannypack standing on the place where they first met.

Disclaimer: It’s been months since i last write something. Hope it’s not too bad! ((Special thanks to @huffle-puff-ego and @missfeisty199 for the help))

Words: 2,668 words (Not including THIS and ABOVE)

“Sunflower?”

     He asked as he opened his eyes. The bed was empty and cold, missing a certain person. His eyes wondered around the room he was in, and then he stumbled upon a yellow sticky note on the pillow next to him. He picked it up and already recognized the handwriting that it belongs to his love. He smiled and whispered to himself the words;

  “Good Morning, Friendly.

  There’s breakfast ready for you in the kitchen!

  Drink plenty of water!

                                                           Love, Fannypack”

 He smiled and went towards their kitchen. He sat down and digs in the wonderful food his sunflower made for him, and of course drank plenty of water. After his stomach was full, he then noticed another yellow note sticking on the flower vase in front of him. It reads:

 “A water a day keeps the thirst away!

I know you’re confused right now from all 

 This notes but don’t freak out! I’m at the

 Hospital-“

  He didn’t even finish reading the note and quickly dressed up and went running out the apartment. He burst through the door scaring some people next to him. He apologized and ran to his car. Arms fiddling to unlock the car door while cursing out such colorful words. His heart beating fast and his mind thinking all the possible bad things that happened to his sunflower. Snapped out of it Jimmy! His fine.

  When the engine is on, he quickly drove towards the hospital. Ignoring the red lights and cars that are honking on his fast driving. He could probably be pulled by a police by speeding but that’s none of his concern at the moment. After what felt like an eternity, -when it was only 4 minutes thanks to his driving-, he finally arrived at the hospital. Bursting through the glass door, shocking some patients and nurses. Brenda, the receptionist, was on her place staring at what was happening. Trying her best to not full on laughing at Jimmy’s full on outburst. The man was yelling his sunflower’s name to people asking where he is and running from A to B. Brenda, with her amusement quenched, called the man over. Not even a second later, his already in front of her.

  “You bitch! Where’s Stan? You stole him from me did you!? Oh my fucking god! When I found him, I’ll kill you and-“

 “Jimmy, chill. Your boyfriend is fine. But he told me to give you this.”  She then gave him a yellow sticky note. And it read;

  “I’m sorry for scaring you! I didn’t mean to give

 You a heart attack! But remember all the times

 We were put here and waited for each other?

 Fun memories, I say!

 I’m at the police station! And no I am not in trouble!

                                                  Love, Fannypack”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Sorry about my sudden outburst, Brenda.” He said embarrassingly. She rolled her eyes and nodded. Pointing at the door and said, “Whatever, just go get your man or something”. Jimmy’s cheeks turn a slight shade of pink. His still not used to hearing someone pointed out that his in a full on relationship. His not thinking it in a bad way! Don’t get him wrong, his so proud that as amazing and handsome as Stan is his boyfriend. Hell, every time he and Stan went out holding hands, they’re not afraid to show it off.

  He shook his head, stopping the voices in his head to write a long ass essay of his life. He put on the ignition and head out to the police station. He turned on the radio to engulf the silence and continue driving. When he finally arrived at the front of the police station, he turned off the ignition and step out the car. The blue haired man walked in the door and saw Lieutenant Ziggy on the counter. The policeman waved him over.

 “Hey Jimmy, what brings you here-“

  “Ziggy, shut up. I know Stan said something for me so just zip it” He said and slammed his hands on the counter. The policeman sighed and gave him another yellow sticky note with the same handwriting. It said:

  “To be honest I have no idea why the next location is the police station.

 Maybe because it’s the only thing Ziggy would work for me.

 Anyway, I’m at the place where we did the you know what.

The cabbage picking. The parmesan. The not so legal.

Okay! The first house we robbed together!

                                                      Love, Fannypack”

   “You didn’t read this, did you?” Jimmy asked nervously. The incident was so long ago but it’s still a crime. The police man chuckled and said, “Even if I did read it or not, I’m not going to bust your ass. Just go and get your man before I change my mind”. He didn’t twice and went directly out the building. Went inside his car and drove the fuck out of there. The man let out a sigh and focuses on the roadway ahead. He noticed that the city is quite silent today, like nothing bad is happening. No cry for help, no ambulance sounds, and no police sirens heard. It’s weird to have a peaceful day in Los Santos. Not that he mind, just weird.

  He saw the house ahead and remembered the quite fun memories he and Stan had. Even though he almost traumatized Stan with him allegedly murdering the man who owns the house. It’s fun. He saw someone on the sidewalk and it seems its Eugene and Edna. He parked in front of them and waved.

   “Funny seeing you two here. Let me guess, Stan told you to wait here for me to arrive and give me a piece of note” Jimmy said to the two. “Hell no, we’re here because a man who looked like Stan is dead inside the house” Eugene said with glee. Jimmy’s face turned pale and nervously laughed. Edna quickly punched Eugene, “Ey! Don’t scare the poor boy with your shit!” She then looked at Jimmy who is still at the state of shock and slapped him, waking him up. “His just being his shitty self, Stan’s fine. Here” She gave jimmy the paper. “Just get out of here, I don’t want any witness when I kill this bitch” Eugene quickly ran away with Edna on his tail.

  “My first time doing something illegal! The adrenaline was

 Something! Remember when I yelled ‘Oh my god’ so many times

 When you killed a man? Good times. Oh, and you almost selling me crack?

 The friendliest crack dealer in Los Santos! I’m at the place where we almost died!

                                                               -love Fannypack”

   He shivered at the thought of the memory. The time when they turned into hostages. He turned on the ignition and drove to Polido Bank. He turned on the radio to silence the long drive to the bank. To his surprise, he heard Kiki’s voice in the radio.

  “Good Afternoon, you mothertruckers! Kiki Chanel in the house for your daily thirst quenching! Queue the applause..... I SAID QUEUE THE APPLAU- yayyyyyy. Okay, okay, okay. Before you get your daily bad choices of song, here’s a special message from Jackie chan himself! He said and i quote with his voice; Better hurry up before this motherfucker is dead!’ And here we have our special sponsors, Kiki’s KOC-“

  He suddenly turned down the radio and pressed hard on the paddle, increasing the acceleration of his car. Moving from left to right, avoiding everything that is on his way. Praying that he won’t get pulled over. After what felt like an eternity with his heart beating fast, he can finally see the bank ahead with Buddha or Jackie chan leaning on the side of the bank. With him are two people with a monkey mask and a bandana covering itself. He pulled over and walked hastily to them. 

  “Where’s Stan-“ he was cut off with a gun on his forehead. The man who has the gun tsked and shook his head. The other two who is with him chuckled, making Jimmy nervous.

  “Remember the time when you said they were boyfriends? And they denied?” The man with the monkey mask said to the bandana. He nodded and replied, “And now look at where we are now. The two supposedly not in a relationship are now lovebirds!” The bandana surprisingly shrieked in delight. Following the monkey and Jackie chan. Removing the gun off Jimmy’s forehead.

  “We’re just fucking with you, Velvet aurora!” Jimmy shivered at the name and corrected him with “Friendly”. Jackie Chan nodded and gave him the yellow note his been waiting for. Jimmy said his goodbyes and quickly walked towards his car. But not without hearing one of them say, “Go get that Water man D!”. Jimmy’s cheek reddened and drove off the bank. While driving, he swiftly read the note. 

  “The time when my life flashes before my eyes! In a bad way, i say! Still grumpy about them not buying my water. Anyway, remember when you threatened me? Yeah I’m there! 

                -Love, Fannypack”

   He checked his watch and saw it’s almost past 4 O’clock. He took off his sunglasses and started rubbing his forehead. “All of this stress better be worth it, Stan” He whispered to himself, but a small smile visible on his lips. He saw the familiar fence and the gate leading to the place where he ‘threatened’ Stan. 

   He gets out his car and walked down. He saw someone standing near the water, wearing a rather familiar outfit. A female police outfit and its pink hat. 

    “Sup, bitch” yep, that’s kiki alright.

 “Why are you here? And how the fuck do you know this place?” Jimmy asked the gorgeous woman. 

   “Well nice to see you too, asshole! Such toxic masculinity. At least someone thinks I’m gorgeous.” Kiki smirked at him. He rolled his eyes and put out his hand, gesturing for something them both already knew. 

   “You’re no fun. I’m planning on like putting it inside a bottle and throwing it in the water and you sacrificing your life to get it or something” She said and simply shrugged at Jimmy’s shocked face. 

   “Anyway, out of all the places you, Stan, and I went to. Why this place?” Kiki asked. Jimmy shrugged and looked the other way, avoiding her eyes. “How do i know?” 

   She scoffed at his response and replied, “Because you’re his boyfriend? I can’t even believe Stan choose you over this bomb ass pussy! Huuuuuuuuuuuuuu” Then started dancing seductively. Jimmy pretended to gag and vomit. 

    “HOOOWWWW DAAAAAARRREEEE YOUUUUUU- here, I’m done with this toxicity of masculinity! This bomb ass pussy is out!” After she thrown the piece of paper to Jimmy, she sashayed away with her hips going left and right with her middle finger in the air. “Don’t forget to use protection and lots of lube!” She yelled. Jimmy quickly grabbed the paper flowing in the air before it hit the wet ground. He fixed his posture and read it out loud; 

   “A place where we’re merely strangers

   Introducing Jimmy and Stan

  Never thought they’ll be lovers

The friendly crack dealer and the water man

     Where am i?

                     -love, Fannypack”

   Jimmy’s chest felt so warm. The feeling is like when they first met. How such a middle aged man that is so naive and innocent ended up with a guy like him. He felt the tears coming up but quickly hold it. It’s not time yet. He pocketed the paper, along with the others, and went to his car. Jimmy started heading to the place he never though a love story would start. 

   While his driving, he can see the sunset shining through him. Letting the final ray of sunshine warmth him. Remembering the time when he and Stan went out to eat burgers and watched the sunset together. It may not seem like a date but it is to him. Oh how he wished his brave enough to tell Stan his feelings that time. But that doesn’t matter right now, because they’re together and happy. He’ll get even happier when he finally sees his sunflower. 

  His nearing at the destination and can see what seems like a curtain blocking the parking lot? Is that legal?

  He slowly parked near the destination and get out the car. He looked around, trying to find his love but no luck. He sighed and leaned on the side his car. He took out his cigarette and lighter, and was about to light it when he heard a very familiar voice. 

   “Didn’t you promised you’ll stop smoking?” 

  Jimmy’s eyes widen and looked up. His cheeks reddened and mouth opened, letting the cigarette fall out his mouth. There in front of him shows Stan Wheeler, wearing a blue tuxedo with a matching blue fanny pack. Some black shorts and black fancy shoes. His blonde hair was gelled back making him look somewhat fancy. His hands behind him fidgeting a bit and his eyes looking around, avoiding Jimmy’s covered eyes. Perfect timing, the final sunrise set on Stan making him shine. Making him looked like a literal sunflower that is blue all over. 

  “Uh-uhmm.. h-hi ji-jimmy...” Stan let out a genuine smile. Then suddenly the carpet behind Stan fall revealing such a beautiful sight. It was a beautiful sight when it got caught off by Stan screaming “GOD HELP! THE CARPET HAS DEVOURED MY EXISTENCE!!! HELPPPP!!”. 

   Jimmy chuckled at his clumsiness and helped him get out the carpet monster. -As that Stan called it-. Stan’s head is finally out, so does the rest of his body, and didn’t realize that Jimmy’s face is so near his. It’s so close that them both can feel each other’s breath. Both men has their cheek blushing. Even after a year dating, these two still get flustered over each other. 

 Jimmy helped Stan up and looked back the beautiful sight. There was Christmas lights attached above lighting over a fancy table with food and of course water. An inflatable balloon on the background spelling “Happy 1st Anniversary Stimmy by Kiki and friends”. 

   “So that’s why all of them are both so cryptic and extra stupid” Jimmy said to Stan. He nodded and gestured to the fancy table. They sat down and started talking about times they’re together and being themselves to others. They can hear some locals walking passed them but Kiki threatening them out loud outshine it. With Ziggy and Brenda trying to stop her from killing someone, Eugene and Edna film the whole thing, and other of their friends laughing. It may looked like they’re invading both of their privacy but without those people, none of this would’ve happened. 

  “I’m so lucky to have them, and also you Jimmy” Stan said. 

  “Don’t be such a sap!” The water man giggled at his response. “Oh! I almost forgot!” Stan then went under the table and let out a present. 

  “Wait, I didn’t get you anything!” Jimmy started panicking but Stan beat him to it and told him its fine. Stan gave the gift to Jimmy, who’s still sulking over not giving him a gift. Jimmy slowly opened the wrapped gift and saw... a water bottle? 

  “Uhm, Stan?” 

  “Look at the brand!” Stan said with excitement. Jimmy raised his eyebrows and looked down. It said, “Friendly Water!”. 

  “You and I are now business partners for my water business!” Stan said with glee. “Aren’t I already am with me driving you all over town?” Stan shushed him and told him that it’s beside the point. Jimmy chuckled at his silliness and stared at him with so much love. His so lucky to have such a wonderful and handsome man like Stan. 

 “I’m so lucky to have you too Jimmy” Jimmy laughed and realized he said it out loud. With the stars and moon shining above them, and the chaos happening around them cause by their friends. Nothing would ever ruin such a beautiful night. 

  “Happy 1st anniversary, Sunflower”

  “Happy 1st anniversary, Sunshine”

[gay-spaghetti]

My Experience watching Stan the Water man + Favorite Moments

Okay! Everyone’s been talking about how great this is. Let’s binge it!! Time to see how @markiplier roleplays OwO

(Tags: @markired @dorkskittles @stanthewaterman)

oof. Love the immersion 👌 ️

ghOSTS!!!!

STAN FALLS THROUGH THE ENDLESS VOID;;;;; H ELP

okay so I already ship Stan and Jimmy.... dammit.

LOOK JIMMY ALREADY GAVE HIM A CUTE NICK NAME!!! “FANNY PACK”!!!

Characters with kids they’re not allowed to see anymore and divorced wives is a common trope with these types of characters, huh?

STAN’S SON IS NAMED ROY THE WATER BOY???? That is.... that is good, I love that.

Frankly, I would die for Alan. That sweetheart ❤

 ASDFGKHL;;; STAN RANDOMLY FLIPPING THAT GUY THE BIRD. FUNNIEST FUCKIN’ THING 👌👌

(THERE’s A LOT MORE. Click Keep Reading!) (This is a journey of emotion. watch the damn stream, it’s hilarious. Spoilers ahead!!)

Didn’t catch his name but that weird Italian/Asian guy with the long hair and black moustache is amazing 👌 Good wacky voice 👌 ️

DIDN’T GET HIS NAME EITHER BUT I LOVE THE BLACK GUY AT THE CAR PLACE;;;; Uber eats....Uber food.... the Uber driver eats half of the food and gives the rest to the customer...brilliant!!!

I love the fwoosh sound that happens every time Mark goes in and out of character.

FUCK!! I mean-- FUDGE;;;

Stan is the embodiment of typing: “;;;;;;;” and “ASDGHLIGF”.

rip parking meter.

*The back of the delivery truck slowly closes on Stan’s head* “AAH!! WAH!!! WOAHHH WAHHH! W-WAHH AHH!”.

That girl in the hospital hearing Mark’s mumbling to himself haha omfg. She’s like “what the fuck was that”.

Stan: *touches counter at the hospital* *teleports and death-drops onto a hospital bed*.

EMT Lady: Haha I like this guy! :3 | Stan: O///_///O

 TELEPORTING CASHIER GUY!!!!

Stan: *panting and grunting angrily* | “Voice in Head”: It’s only game. Why you have to be mad?

Jimmy, To Stan: “I’m not selling you crack today. I’m getting you out of debt.” ASFKDFGJPPHF And then he goes on to say how he doesn’t want Stan getting involved with and addicted to crack!! ❤ That’s so fuckin’ cute.

Jimmy, to Stan: “Just don’t fuck me over, okay?” >:( (hmm cheesy headcanon: Jimmy once had a past partner that ratted on him or cheated him in some way!!!)

Jimmy lying to Stan to make him feel better, saying that the guy he stabbed was a “crazy murderer”, and Stan being like: “Oh, whew! Okay, haha”.

Jimmy: “You think I’m a narc? I just stabbed a guy” *laughs* (Jimmy is my favorite character;;;;)

Jimmy’s knife is nicknamed “Sharp and Pointy”.

Jimmy repeatedly not understanding Stan’s code words.

Jimmy, to Stan: “Y’know... I don’t like this call you got”. Friendly J worried about his bromantic friend Fanny Pack ;)

Jimmy, to Stan after his customer cancelled his order: *places hand on Stan’s shoulder* Stan? I’m sorry.

JIMMY CALLED STAN “SUNFLOWER”;;;;❤ ❤ ❤

JIMMY’S A FORCED PROSTITUE WHO’S NOT GREAT IN SOCIAL SITUATIONS;;;; Aww Jimmyyyyy! Poor baby has little confidence 💔 (Also I love how they’re just opening up to each other so quickly).

Jimmy, to Stan after he told him about Brie, the pretty EMT: “It’s not about your looks, it’s about your personality”.

Stan: “Women don’t usually uh--say words in my direction UHM;;”  | Trooper Emma: “Hello, hi! Hello in your direction, sir UwU” | Stan: O///_///O

Stan, trying to impress Emma: “You... boots...good”. | Trooper Emma: “You... Fanny Pack... alright” | Stan: “Th-Thank;;;” | Trooper Emma: “Ayy, you’re welcome buddy!” :D

 Jimmy calls Stan’s moustache “Killer”.

Jimmy finds out that Stan’s son.....isn’t his biological son. Denice is a cheating bitch who had a son with another guy behind Stan’s back. Holy shit. Also, Stan’s a virgin.

Stan is a closeted homosexual, and Jimmy is 100% supportive of his “”straightness””.

Stan: “Maybe I should say that the next time I flirt with a woman. ‘Heyy, you want me to eat your ramen? *disgusting slurping sounds*” | Jimmy: “NO. NO. STAN, NO! STANIEL! No. Just don’t”.

STAN’S FULL NAME IS: STANLEY(or Staniel ;D) ELIZABETH WHEELER.

DEPUTY KIKI CHANELLE HOLY SHIT I DID NOT EXPECT.... her. DAMN, THAT SCREECHING PHONE CALL!

I’m fuckign dying. Kiki: “I’m gonna go ahead and read you some of your rights, okay? You have the right to remain stylish, anything you wear can and will be used against you in the court of fashion, you have the right to an attorney...”.

Kiki getting KNOCKJED THE FUCK down “BLARBB! BUUHHH! AHH! OFFICER DOWN” *gross sobbing*

Okay, the weird Asian, Indian, Italian guy, whatever the heck he is, his name is “Lang Buddha” and I love him.

Mugger: “Look, the last thing I wanna fuckin’ do is pop a fuckin’ water boy and his boyfriend”.

Stan: *accidentally punches Jimmy* “OH MY GOD!! I’M SORRY. I’M SORRY!” … You can hit me... I’ll gladly take a hit | Jimmy: That’s the difference between you and me, Stan. *teary eyed, getting choked up* I don’t hit my friends! *sadly walks away* | Stan: “OHHH;;; JIM!! JIMOTHY!!💔  I’M GONNA MAKE THE PHONE CALL NOW... | Jimmy: AND I’M GONNA BE SOBBING IN THE CORNER!”.

Kiki’s constant garbling of words and screaming is amazing.

Kiki calling Jimmy “banana”.

Jimmy being terrified of Kiki.

Kiki, and a total complete fucking stranger pointing at Jimmy and saying “shame”. Stan joins in because he wants to be included.

Kiki screaming at the top of her lungs and Trooper Emma walking up to her and shushing her quietly and calmly “Kiki, Kiki. I need you to calm down, alright?”.

Kiki calling Jimmy “Mr. Happy Banana”.

WAIT TROOPER EMMA HAS A GIRLFRIEND?? OH I LOVE;;;;

Kiki: “Let me just tell you, Stan. I'm startin’ to feel real thirsty. I think I might need some Stan water right from the tap” *voice gets deeper and manlier*

Stan, to Kiki: “OH, UH! Stan the Water man; here to get you wet!” | Kiki: “Oh~ I’m already moister than an oyster~”  *disappears into the hospital*

KIKI’S CAR WIRE SONG OMFG;;;;

Stan’s car wire song, omfg 💔

Stan, to Kiki: “Is this our date?” | Kiki: “Ohho ho heh.. you’ll know when our date is starting” *says in a manly voice* “Believe me~”.

Kiki: “Say ‘silk’ five times in a row” | Stan: silk, silk, silk, silk, silk | Kiki: What do cows drink? | Stan: …..water? | Kiki: GAAAAAAAHHHH!

Kiki calling Jimmy “Johnny Banana”.

W-WHAT W?????? MAYBE JIMMY’S NOT THE FRIEND THAT YOU THOUGHT?? ? STAN, YOU’RE THE ONE THAT PUNCHED HIM!!!!

“AN EX FRIEND”. AN EX FRIEND?????!!! OHHHH... NO NO NO, MARK THIS IS UNDESERVED ANGST! UH UH! I AINT TAKIN’ THIS SHIT. NO NO. THIS “FALLING OUT” IS INVALID AND MAKES NO SENSE WTF. THINGS WERE GOING SO GREAT.

yeah, stranger. you punch Stan. KARMA, BITCH.

OH!! JIMMY’S COME BACK TO SAVE STAN FROM THE RANDOM BAR FIGHT THAT THE’YRE NOT INVOLVED WITH!! SAVE HIM, JIMMY!!!

(heartfelt moment while Kiki screams in the background fighting) Jimmy: “I’m getting you out of here”. | Stan: “I’m sorry I took out all my pent-up aggression on youuu! It wasn’t your fault! Just..mad at myself”. | Jimmy: *carries Stan out of the bar*.

Trooper Emma returns! :D

 Stan: *choking up tears* I’M A CRIMINAL!! I PUNCHED A MAN | Jimmy: “You’re anything but a criminal”.

Stan in the back of the cop car, getting driven to the hospital, crying to Emma about how he hurt his only friend Jimmy.

 Emma is so fuckin’ sweet omg. “You’re gonna be just fine, he’s gonna forgive you. We’re gonna get you medical assistance, okay?”.

*at the hospital* “Oh, the fanny pack guy! :D”

Stan calling Jimmy’s hair “a lovely teal”.

Trooper to Stan, who’s laying in a hospital bed: “Did you call him ‘Friendly J’?” | Stan: “Yeah! Friendly J! You know him?” | Trooper: “He’s here, he’s looking for you”. | Stan: “really??”.

Jimmy falling through his seat and then the floor.

❤ ❤ ❤ BRO HUG!!!!!! ❤ ❤ ❤

Jimmy: “Stan, you say hi to your son for me”. | Stan: “I will. I’ll tell Roy that I might the nicest crack dealer in all of Lo Santos” | Jimmy: “Ok may, ..keep the last part very..” | Stan, already walking away: “the nicest crack dealer in all of Lo Santos”.

HOLY SHIT THAT STREAM WAS AMAZING. It’s been a long time since I’ve laughed this hard while watching Mark’s stuff. What a fun ride all the way to the end! Definitely an emotional roller coaster.

[monochromemedic]

this is the first time i've been able to catch mark's gta rp, can you catch me up to speed with stan?

Stan Wheeler is a newly divorced  man that came to the city trying to improve his life by selling water cause he has a weird obsession with waterhe might  be insane but not as unstable as the otherscan’t talk to womenlikes Kiki Chaneljust wants to deliver water to other peoplehe knows Kiki and had an adventure with a man named Friendly Jimmy who was a crack dealer and they became good friends

[dead-inside-mcgee]

Okay but Jimmy trying to sabotage any of Stan's chances with girls because he's in love with Stan and is too much of a coward to say anything.

[stanthewaterman]

Hey Stan! Hope your day is good! I have a question. What do you exactly think about Friendly J? Like, specifically what are the things you like and dislike from him (not being rude ofcourse lmao)

Friendly J is the best friend a guy could have. I’ve never met a nicer soul and he likes my fanny pack! (sometimes) He’s teaching me how to survive in this city and I’ve never been more grateful! If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have known what to do after I woke up from my coma! 

He might be a crack dealer and sometimes he stabs and robs people, but that’s ok– he’s just looking out for himself! I glad he’s trying to get into some more…legitimate business with his job at the vineyard, even though that place is filled with DIRTY NON-WATER DRINKERS. Some people just can’t be saved.

It does make me sad when he questions why I’m buying so many bottles of water. THIS CITY IS THIRSTY! I HAVE A CLIENTELE! Why can’t he understand this?? Also, sometimes he gets mad when I punch him in the face, which I also can’t understand. I?? Have??? Muscle??? Spasms???!!?? I can’t help it and he should understand that. 

But overall I’m so happy to have Jimmy as a friend. Did you know he’s also teaching me about porn and how to be “alpha?” What a guy! What a lovely, friendly, very attractive, super handsome, smart, savvy, genius guy. I love him. Um, uh, PLATONICALLY, of course. Super platonic. 

[queen-empathy]

18/08/2017 17:00, Report by Steve Bartram ALAN TATE: ONCE A RED, ALWAYS A RED... Features editor Steve Bartram relives last week’s trip to the Liberty Stadium for Alan Tate’s testimonial as former Reds – including Tate’s close friend, Darren Fletcher – came from far and wide to salute an ex-Academy starlet who never made a senior Reds appearances, this was an occasion which showcased Manchester United’s family spirit�� Dwight Yorke, his eye twitching with tiredness, sinks into his seat at the back of the coach. The previous day, he returned from working in Indonesia; a trip which followed a day at home in Cheshire after three weeks on the Reds’ pre-season tour of the US. As he tells Russell Beardsmore and Ben Thornley, without a hint of the infectious grin which accompanied his stellar career, 90 minutes of football is hardly what the doctor ordered. When Wes Brown boards the coach, however, he has just the tonic. “Yorkie. Poker?” The Trinidad and Tobago legend is exhumed. His hooded head lifts. That smile consumes his face. “Yeah, man. Just come and get me." By the time the coach has reached Sandbach – 40 miles into a 220-mile trip – the group is in full swing. Brown, Yorke, Fletcher, Danny Webber, Chris Eagles and Karl Munroe occupy the six seats at the heart of the coach. While the players are spread about the top level of the double-decker coach – Beardsmore and Thornley at the back, while Denis Irwin, Andy Ritchie and Quinton Fortune bookend the party at the front - the whole group intermingles. Those who aren’t involved in the poker drift past, pausing to share stories or crack wise at whoever loses a particular hand, before meandering downstairs to catch up with staff. Downstairs, the players share hugs and handshakes with security guards and Foundation staff. Di Ryding, the trip’s physio, catches up with players she has known since she joined the club in 2004. Everybody is family here. The reason this assortment of United players is on the bus is to contest the Alan Tate Testimonial. The Easington-born defender rose up through the United Academy system in the early noughties, winning the 2000/01 Jimmy Murphy Young Player of the Year award and captaining the club’s Reserves before eventually making a loan deal with Swansea permanent in 2004. Over 250 games later, after the Swans’ first-ever Premier League fixture, he suffered a broken leg in a golf cart accident. Though his career continued, Swansea took the decision to award him a testimonial and a United XI was scheduled to provide the opposition on 13 August 2013. The only condition was a rearrangement in the event of the two clubs being paired together at first team level later that same week in the opening game of the Premier League season. That’s exactly what happened, and the game was postponed while David Moyes began his brief managerial reign with a thumping 4-1 win at the Liberty Stadium. After a combined seven managerial changes between the two clubs, several unsuccessful rearrangements and almost exactly four years, the Reds are now Swansea-bound. This group – with a combined 1,660 appearances, 157 goals and 49 major honours – is intent on honouring the 34-year-old who never played a single first team game for United. The road to this point has been long and arduous, and the bid to build a team has not been easy. Working in tandem with Fletcher, Manchester United Foundation co-ordinator James Lester has managed to pull off various coups, despite the friendly being arranged in the middle of holiday season and falling the week before the start of the Premier League season proper. Munroe, a late call-up, is a friend of Brown and an ex-Academy player. Meeting the coach in Wales is Clayton Blackmore, Kevin Pilkington, Erik Nevland (hastily flown in from Stavanger), Alex Lang and Damian Gielty. The latter pair are the only members of the group with no affiliation to United. Lang is Swansea’s 17-year-old youth team goalkeeper, providing emergency cover should anything untoward befall Pilkington, while Gielty is Fletcher’s cousin and flies in from Norway the day after completing a 50 kilometre hike. Fletcher has more involvement than most in this fixture, both organisational and emotional. “I was 15 when I moved down to go full-time at United,” recalls the Scot. “Tatey was already there because he was in the year above me. He recognised that I was a young lad finding my way in a new city. Whenever the lads went out for a meal or to the Trafford Centre to play pool, Tatey got me involved. He welcomed me into the group and that is something I’ve never forgotten.” Having assisted Lester in rounding up a squad which is now – bar those meeting the party later – safely en route, Fletcher can settle into the subplot of the trip: the poker. The six players use Brown’s custom-made poker set, featuring various coloured chips which bear the defender’s name on a United shirt. “I got it as a present and it’s my pride and joy,” beams the defender, before ruefully adding: “Eagles has had it in his garage for months.” Eagles is the youngest member of the party, a pup at just 31. Looking around the bus, he is 25 years younger than Ritchie, the group’s elder, and this is his first foray into legends football. “At first I thought it was a bit out of my comfort zone,” he admits, “But I spoke to Webbs about it and he sold it to me. I thought I was maybe too young… what is a legend anyway?” Therein lies a common theme surrounding such games: what constitutes a legendary Manchester United player? Webber mustered three senior appearances during his time on the club’s books, but has long since made peace with a debate which, on social media at least, often surfaces and seldom remains pretty. “Listen, I was on the radio the other night, debating whether or not Wayne Rooney is a Manchester United legend,” he tells the group. “If people don’t think he’s a legend, what chance has anyone got?” Eagles shakes his head. He notched 17 outings and a solitary goal with United – an unforgettable, vital strike at Everton in 2007 – before leaving the club to join Burnley the following summer. After a short stint at Port Vale towards the end of last season, he is currently plotting his next move as a free agent. So too is Brown. A week later, the Longsight libero will join ex-United coach Rene Meulensteen at Kerala Blasters in the Indian Super League, but on the coach he mulls over his alternatives, one of which is to hook up with former team-mate Teddy Sheringham, a recent managerial appointment at Atletico de Kolkata, also in the ISL. Fletcher is the only professional, and has special dispensation to travel to the game. The Scot has been allowed by boss Mark Hughes to miss training and partake in the game as much as he likes, but returning with any kind of injury ahead of the Potters’ Premier League opener at Everton will not go down well. “Tackle like me,” proffers Eagles, suggesting the best way to approach the situation. “Just don’t do it! I’ve never been injured in my life!” As Fletcher mulls his dilemma, he steadily surrounds himself with coffee cups brimming with poker chips. John O’Shea calls Brown and is put on speaker for the party’s benefit. The repartee zips about the group, Yorke taking centre stage when he assumes the role of dealer. Though he turns 46 later this year, his regular golfing – he plays off a handicap of one – and gym work have combined to give him a doorman’s physique. Now, as he loudly predicts each card before he deals it, speculating on the other players’ strategies in order to get into their heads, he fills the bus. Not that the strategy ultimately breeds any great financial reward, but that isn’t the motive on this trip. None of the players are paid for answering the call to return to United duty. The motivation for playing is altogether more wholesome, ranging from longstanding friendship with Tate to craving the dressing room culture which underscored their playing days at Old Trafford. Between them, they have represented United from the reigns of Ron Atkinson to Louis van Gaal, but they are team-mates. “You just feel at home,” says Webber. “There’s that special bond you get at United,” continues Eagles. “You never lose friendships, it’s very strange. At other clubs I’ve been at, that’s not the case. I was at Bolton for three years but I wouldn’t go and meet any of them for a coffee, but at United, it’s like best mates.” After arriving in Swansea, the squad is bolstered by those who have made their own way, before the group heads to the Liberty Stadium. They arrive two hours early for the 7pm kick-off, but this has its benefits. While this is a friendly match, the players’ spread of ages makes the encounter “a high-risk game,” according to physio Di. Some hop on to the massage table, others take to the floor and go through their own stretching routines. Eagles requests music, and is duly handed with an enormous sound system by Swansea’s staff. “Did they pull this off the stadium?” he laughs, before putting on house music which, judging by one or two expressions among the senior seniors, prompts the first glaring reminder of the generational gap bridged hitherto. Eagles and Brown play two-touch keepy-up; Blackmore’s son – sporting a Henrikh Mkhitaryan shirt – weaves through the group and takes pot-shots at Pilkington; new parent Fortune rubs his face and stares into the distance, having hardly slept for two months. The football proves almost incidental. Within 11 minutes Yorke, who nine hours earlier joked about having an easy night, thunders in an unstoppable opener, which is equalised by a superb chip from Andy Robinson for a Swans legends team managed by Brendan Rodgers. Webber then slots home, only for Sam Ricketts to level once again. Those finishes are forgotten, however, shortly before half-time when Fortune misjudges a dropping ball and it hits him in the mouth. The United bench falls about in hysterics. So too, it seems, do the secret MUTV-watchers among United’s former players sat in their respective homes. The opening moments of half-time are spent with Fletcher reading aloud from a players’ WhatsApp group revelling in Quinton’s misfortune. “Did Quinny try to eat the ball?” messages O’Shea. By this point, Irwin has left the fray with a hamstring injury, throwing Munroe on for his legends debut. On the bench, Damian Gielty – whose football career included a stint in Luxembourg and peaked at Berwick Rangers – remains cool, seemingly unfazed by the fact that the next injury will turn his emergency call-up into an outing for Manchester United. His quads, he admits, are a touch stiff after the previous day’s marathon descent down a mountain. When Munroe is withdrawn with a toe injury, Gielty takes to the field midway through the second period, by which point Webber has clinically put United back into the lead. Yorke, who has dropped deeper and deeper, dictating United’s play, rounds off the scoring late on with a typically calm finish to secure a win. For the hosts, even an away win can’t spoil the party, and Tate takes to the public address system to express his gratitude for everybody’s involvement. At least, that’s what United’s players assume. On the field, they can’t hear a word. When Tate goes over to the visiting Reds to shake hands, Eagles quips: “Tatey, whatever you just said, well done!” All parties reconvene in the stadium’s VIP lounge for a post-match meal, where the players can unwind ahead of the following day’s hefty return journey. Fletcher will be up before dawn to take a car back over to Stoke for training, while Yorke has to hastily make his way over to Gatwick Airport before boarding a flight back to Trinidad. The striker is dismayed, however, to learn that he has a three-hour trip to London, having been told by Irwin that it would take him under 90 minutes. “Oh,” grins the Irishman, knowingly. “I thought you were flying to London.” The bulk of the group remains for a post-match party in Swansea, and among those who board the coach to return to Manchester the following morning, the chatter is as animated as it had been pre-match. “I know it’s a friendly game,” says Eagles, “but when Webbs scored to make it 3-2, I was punching the air and screaming! I don’t care who I play, I want to win, especially being back at United. Pulling the shirt on again and playing just brings back loads of memories. I loved every minute of it. "Having that kit on, it was like waking up, like I’ve been asleep for the last eight or nine years. I knew some of these boys from before, some of them I’ve only met on this trip, but I knew everything would just click into place because we’re all United players.”