#jesus was a much better role model than my dad

[flock-of-cassowaries]

My family didn’t go to church, but I was given a Catholic Children’s Bible at the behest of my paternal grandmother. And I read it a lot, and became very invested, because the alternative was the system of morality my dad presented, and… I’m pretty sure he’s a fucking psychopath, actually.

So, this dude in sandals, preaching that the most important thing in life is to have empathy for others?

Highly appealing.

But the more times I read through that book (and I read it many, many times, because the 90s were boring AF), the more a lot of the stories started to bother me.

I think the worst one was Job, because it was like - dude, what the fuck?

Are you seriously just ruining this guy’s life to prove a point to your buddy Satan?

Like… that is such an absolutely shitty failure of empathy.

You might as will be the fucking rich nepo-baby brothers from Sucession, bribing an unhoused person to tattoo their initials on his goddamn face.

But they’re characters on an HBO show dramatizing / satirizing the evils of the rich and powerful.

You’re supposed to be the picture of all-powerful compassion.

And you do that.

What the fucking fuck.

…and also, like… what’s your fucking problem with Lot’s wife? 

Like, calm the fuck down.

She is having a natural human reaction to her home being fucking destroyer; a natural, human reaction that hurts no one, except, apparently you, because she’s disobeying your command, and apparently you’re a fragile authoritarian fuckwit?

And why even fucking put the tree of knowledge there?

Like, it just seems like you set them up to fail, and just like… why? Why do that.

…also, why do you want a hoard all the fucking knowledge for yourself? That seems like you just want to keep them in a perpetual state of childhood so they can never think critically about your shit. Which like… kinda fucked up, honestly. Like, maybe you should’ve just made dogs? Though like… honestly, maybe not. Maybe get a tamagotchi.

And also, why are you so insecure about people worshipping the wrong, non-real gods? Like, if you really wanted people not to make mistakes about that, shouldn’t you like… commit to making more regular public appearances? Sort of seems like you want to have it both ways.

Also, if you’ve decided you want to be immortal, omnipotent Greta Garbo up there, fine; but then how are you getting mad at people for not worshipping you?

And like, honestly, if you’re the adult here, how are you fucking sending people to hell just for being born Buddhist or whatever? Like, shouldn’t it just be based on like whether or not they’re kind to other sentient beings? Whether they try to be good? Like… how can you, in good conscience, do that? It honestly just feels like an ego thing which, like… kind of sad, and deeply shitty.

…also, just on a more personal note, when you said to honour thy mother and thy father… did you mean these people?

Like, really?

Because like… I’m fucking trying, but I’m pretty sure that the loving and honouring is only going one way in this fucking household.

(For some reason, Abraham and Isaac never bothered me that much; maybe just because the idea of my dad actually listening to a command from anyone - including god - is fucking unthinkable. Even though he’s nominally Catholic.)

[skrunksthatwunk]

actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.

he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.

a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).

but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.

and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.

he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.

and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal

[harrywavycurly]

For Eddie x Pregnant Reader how did he tell Wayne? How does he feel about it??

Hiiii babes!! Okay so idk why this like hit me in the feels because Wayne content just hits different sooooo enjoy these conversations between Eddie and Wayne about the whole relationship/pregnancy situation💖

-find all things Eddie x Pregnant!Reader here✨

-the conversation between you, Wayne and Eddie is marked with a 🖤 andddd we have a name for this baby boy!!😭

*Wayne knows Eddie is seeing you…he just doesn’t know the whole story*

“Hey uhm do you…have a minute?” “Depends…what’s wrong?” “I mean nothing is wrong…I just uh need to tell you something…” “well shit I’m already not liking where this is going.” “You know how I’ve been seeing someone right?…met her at the record store a few weeks ago?” “Yeah yeah the one you’ve been blabbering on about none stop…what about her?” “She’s uh…well…she is-” “Jesus fucking Christ son you got her pregnant already?” “I mean she is pregnant but uhm…I didn’t…I didn’t do it…” “what?..what do you mean you didn’t do it?…she cheatin on you?” “What? No no she was already uhm…pregnant when I met her…” “oh…who’s the father?” “Well that’s the thing…I uh…I’m gonna be the…father…” “you’re gonna be the father?…you can’t even do your own laundry but you’re gonna be someone’s dad?” “Yeah…I don’t want her dealing with it alone and…the dad doesn’t want anything to do with her so…so I told her I’d step in if she wanted me to…” “and she said she wants you to?” “Yeah..yeah she did…” “so..I’m gonna be a grandpa is what you’re saying?” “Exactly…yeah you’re gonna be a grandpa old man.” “Jesus…I need a drink.”

“So…how far along is she?” “Uh about twelve weeks or so.” “And you’re sure you’re okay with this? You just met her…” “I’m sure…either way even if we breakup I told her I’d be involved in the baby’s life because I mean…I may not be the best role model but I’m better than nothing…” “That’s real mature of you…so what’s she want it to be?” “I think she wants a boy but I’m not sure…I’d like a girl…they seem cool.” “They seem cool? It’s a baby Eddie not a new car…good lord.”

“It’s a boy.” “What’s a boy? That stray cat outside?” “Stray cat? What? No..I’m uh…we are having a boy…” “who’s we? You got a mouse in your pocket? You mean she’s having a boy..you won’t be doing much besides trying not to pass out.” “Sorry…she’s having a boy…” “how you feel about that?” “Honestly I’m terrified…I don’t want to be like him…” “hey now…you’re not him okay? You’re nothing like him…you’re gonna be a good dad to that little boy.” “How do you know?” “I just do…don’t question me son.”

🖤 “so..you really picked Eddie here to do all this with huh? It’s not too late to change your mind.” “I mean…he kinda wouldn’t take no for an answer so..here we are.” “Gee thanks baby…both of you are mean.” “Oh get over yourself son…now have you thought about names?” “Uhm well…I have yeah…” “yeah? You have? Been keeping them from me sweetheart?” “No…I just wasn’t sure when to bring it up…” “well now I’m dying to hear it…what’s the name darlin?” “I think being named after his dad would be nice…so…I was thinking about James…James Munson?” “You…you wanna name him after…me?” “Well damn…that..that’s a good name…I like it…uhm excuse me for a second.” “You cryin old man?” “Oh and what you’re eyes naturally water like that? Leave me alone.” “Sorry I wasn’t trying to make you two cry…” “they are happy tears baby…you sure you wanna name him after me? You don’t have to do that…” “I know I don’t…but I want to.” “Well I can’t wait to meet my grandson…James.” “He can’t wait to meet you either.”

[fictionqween]

Rainbow in the Dark

Summary: Tessa Dixon never thought that taking her little brother to his guitar lessons would end up changing her life for the better. (Better summary coming soon lol)

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (multi-chapter) Warnings: 18+, Slow burn, eventual SMUT, bad language, drug usage, mentions of self-harm.IMPORTANT: This takes place a year and a bit before the events of Season 4.

A/N: Honestly, I just wanted to say thank you for the love on the first chapter, it means a lot! Also updates will be quicker than this, I was super sick the last week and didn’t feel much like writing. Hope you stick around for the journey!

Chapter 2: Lonely

As Christmas Break came to an end and school started up again, it was no surprise that my encounter with Eddie at my little brother’s lessons had drifted into the back of my mind. So far this morning, I’d been responsible for getting Harrison ready, saving him from a nervous breakdown at an anticipated new school routine, dropping him off and also getting my own self ready and to class on time.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was frustrated to the point of tears, emotional, and breathless. As much as I loved my brother, it could be such a weight to navigate his introverted personality. The loneliness and envy I felt toward other students who didn’t have to deal with these struggles was almost debilitating. Knowing I couldn’t handle my best friend Andi’s incessant chatter about which member of the basketball team was the hottest, I opted for lunch in my car instead.

Our small but close-knit group was definitely in the ‘safe’ zone when it came to cliques. Not popular but not loathed either, we sat in the area I’d lovingly termed “The In-between”. High school was all about cliques, and it was nice to be able to get along with most people without having to change who I was. Andi, on the other hand, thought she was Miss Popular. As much as I loved her (we’d been friends since first grade), she was the stereotypical high school girl, obsessed with looks, makeup and boys. She ranked herself up there with the cheerleaders, which was why her lunchtime monologues were so hard to listen to sometimes.

And that brought me exactly to why I was sitting in my  “new to me” station wagon, a hand-me-down my dad had given me when he purchased his ‘69 Mustang, eating my sandwich. Despite the fact that it was snowing softly, I wasn’t all that cold. In fact, when I was overworked like this, I tended to run hotter than normal.

Letting my thoughts drift, I chewed absentmindedly on my sandwich, surveying the parking lot. Loneliness crushed my chest, making it difficult to breathe or swallow. I loved my tight-knit group of friends, but they didn’t understand what I was going through. Nobody knew what it was like to be the primary caregiver of a child that you had to walk on eggshells for.

When I was 14, I started self-harming. It was a way to cope, to deal with the pressure of having to be everything for someone at such a young age. I’d done it for almost a year before I’d sought counselling through the school, but when I felt overwhelmed, the tops of my thighs still burned with the need to just feel something else.

The guilt I felt at wanting to self-harm was almost enough to consume me. I wanted to do better, be better for Harrison, because I knew he needed a strong role model. He certainly wouldn’t get that from either of our parents.

Tick, tick, tick, tick!

Letting out a startled scream, I accidentally dropped my sandwich into my lap as I clutched at my racing heart. Eddie Munson stood outside my passenger window, keys hitting the glass, and a shit eating grin on his face.

“Jesus Christ, Munson!” I shouted, my cheeks flaming pink in embarrassment. “You trying to kill me?!”

Laughing like I’d just told the funniest joke known to man, Eddie pulled open my door and slid in.

“Hey Dixon,” he chortled, shaking his head like a dog and sending wet flakes flying all over the car.

“You scared the shit out of me,” I grumbled, picking up my sandwich and sliding it back into the container, my appetite having vanished when my heart fell into my stomach.

He was all sparkling eyes and toothy grin as he set his lunchbox between his legs, ring clad fingers drumming a nameless tune on the top of the box. When he didn’t apologize, I raised an eyebrow and turned my body a bit more to face him.

“What?” he asked, the grin still wide across his lips. “Saw you from the woods, you looked lonely. Thought I’d join you.”

“Do you have a lunch?” I asked, gesturing toward the lunchbox I knew carried everything but food.

When he shrugged again, I let out a sigh and dug in my lunch bag, pulling out a brownie and handing it to him. His eyes lit up like a kid on Christmas, and as fast as he took it, it was gone.

“Man, your mom is an awesome cook!” he praised, nestling back into the passenger seat.

I snorted out loud at his comment, making his eyebrows shoot up questioningly. The look of confusion on his face was laughable.

“You know my mom owns the Beautiful You Salon, right? She’s the one with the blue eyes and the blonde perm and the huge cans,” I told him, gesturing feebly toward my much smaller chest. “She’s too busy being Hawkins’ most memorable socialite. I made the brownies.”

Eddie pondered my words, his grin sliding a little from his lips, brown eyes analyzing me. Suddenly shy, I busied myself with putting away my lunch, knowing that there wasn’t much time left before the bell would ring.

“Sorry, that was a bit of an overshare. I’m just…it’s been a long day already,” I explained, tossing my lunch bag into the backseat once everything had been put away.

“It’s all good,” Eddie mused, ringed fingers tapping away on his lunchbox again. “Everyday feels like a long day in this hellhole.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” I snickered, feeling a grin start to pull at the edges of my lips.

“You smoke?” Eddie asked, tapping his fingers poignantly on the metal of the lunchbox, drawing my attention to it.

“Uh, I have at a couple of parties before. Nothing crazy. I don’t get out too much.”

“You should smoke with me sometime,” he offered, big brown eyes on me yet again. “The guys from Hellfire usually come over on Friday nights to hang out. It’s nothing crazy. You’re welcome to join if you’re ever looking for something to do on a Friday night. Even if it’s hanging out with the freaks.”

“I don’t believe in that shit,” I said with a shrug. “People here want to label each other so badly. Like we’re not all out here with weird interests and shit. I never thought you were a freak.”

“No?”

His curiosity piqued, Eddie leaned forward and set his lunch box on my dashboard before turning his body to completely face mine, arms crossed on my centre console.

“You don’t think I’m even a little bit…freaky?” he crossed his eyes as he spoke, making a laugh slip from my lips.

“Nah,” I said, trying my best to hide my smile from him. “I’ve always thought you were eccentric, but you’ve always been nice. And you’re good with Harrison. That’s a win in my books.”

Eddie grinned, the adorable gesture lighting up his face in such a way that I found myself unconsciously grinning back. He studied me for a few more moments before grabbing his lunchbox and popping the door open. Almost as if he had the timing down, the high pitched clatter of the school bell permeated the air the minute he did so.

“You’re alright, Dixon,” he hummed. “Like I said, invitation is always there to join us on a Friday sometime if you’re ever bored enough.”

“I’m bored plenty,” I blurted out, feeling heat blossom down my neck at my hasty choice of words.

Why was I absolutely floundering every time this man turned his grin on me?! I wanted to sink into the floor then and there. When he slid out of the car and didn’t acknowledge my words, I felt like throwing up. It took a minute, however, to register that he was actually coming around the front of the car to open up my door.

Blushing for another reason entirely, I murmured a soft thank you and clutched my bag to my chest as we started walking together toward the school. All I could feel were his eyes, his face unreadable to me as I didn’t know him that well yet.

Yet.

My blush deepened at the thought of getting to know Eddie, of actually hanging out with him and his friends one Friday night and maybe getting high. Would I ever have the nerve to go through with that? Would I ever have the time, knowing how much of my life was dedicated to Harrison's needs?

“Hey Dixon?” Eddie murmured, his voice soft and sweet as the snow swirled around us. “If you ever have a long day again and want company…let me know, ok? You’re always welcome at the Hellfire table. Since you don’t care about us being freaks.”

“Never have, never will.”

“Yeah, you’re alright Dixon.”

“You’re not too bad yourself, Munson.”

He gave me a two-finger salute and headed toward the East wing of the school, his retreating figure soon vanishing into the now heavily falling snow.

As I bit my lip and headed in the opposite direction I wondered if maybe, just maybe, I should start making more time for myself again.

[blueboltkatana]

So i saw some Harry Potter stuff on my dash and started thinking about it because my brain does things sometimes. More specifically i was thinking about why I stopped liking Hermione as a character once i hit 16 but my love for Ron and Neville grew and i think i know why.

Since the beginning of the story, Hermione is depicted as a prodigy of sorts, she has incredible memory and si very advanced for her classes, while Ron and Neville are average in most classes or even below average in some, Neville more than Ron. She excels in almost everything she does and is loved by her teachers (exept Snape but he hates everyone so doesn't count). Meanwhile Ron and Neville are slower with their progress and less liked by the teachers.

As a 13/14 year old reading these books, I identified with Hermione the most out of any character because i was just like that in middle school. She was the person i wanted to be like when i grew up, while Ron and Neville i did love, but i didn't feel connected to them, i didn't aspire to be them, i wanted to be Hermione.

Then i went to High School and that's when my world turned upside down. The curriculum was difficult, the teachers were bullies and my classmates were insufferable at best. I developed severe anxiety and had depressive episodes weekly. The first year fucked me up badly and it destroyed my self esteem so much that it too 3 years to build it back up. The second year i changed schools because my parents saw how badly i was doing, even though i was maintaining good grades, it was killing me.

That summer i reread those books and suddenly, they didn't feel the same to me. Hermione now didn't feel like an inspiration or a relatable character at all, seeing her being perfect and never do anything wrong didn't make me think "Oh wow" it made me think "Jesus Christ Rowling". Whenever i read about her i felt sad and disappointed, she was the epitome of what i wanted to become but I didn't. I later realized it was because i set myself some impossible standards, I forced myself to be Hermione even though Hermione doesn't exist, never has existed. Rowling herself has said that even though Hermione was based on her as a child, she was a "better" and "less flawed" version. While reading i was trying to feel like Hermione again but i couldn't, i couldn't relate to her anymore, her words and decisions didn't sit that well with me now.

Instead i found myself falling even more in love with Ron who before had just been a character i liked in the back of my mind, and discovered just how much i loved Neville and how much i wanted to see him succeed. Hermione was the perfection i wanted to be, but Neville and Ron were the most realistic "good" i could achieve, especially Ron. My dad had just lost his job and we were not doing good financially, so i didn't relate to Hermione having the best night of her life with the famous boy that liked her and wearing a pretty new dress and fixing her imperfections with magic, instead i related to Ron, because i wore a dress my cousin handed me down and didn't go with anyone let alone a boy that liked me, and i didn't have that much fun and it wasn't the best night of my life. I went through a shitty burnout that made me extremely lazy and unwilling to do anything unless it was one night before the due date, i developed a deep dislike for teachers and started talking back to most of them, i devoted myself to my friends and was ready to throw hands for them. And rereading the books, i didn't feel like that much Hermione anymore, i didn't want to be like her. This time Ron and Neville's journeys and development looked so much more appealing to me than Hermione's. They grew as people and achieved great things without being perfect the entire time, they struggled to do the right thing, struggled to be brave and to accept themselves and love themselves. That is the kind of growth i wanted to achieve now.

Hermione is a good role model for little girls, everyone says, Hermione is what little girls should strive to be. But I don't agree. Little girls shouldn't strive for perfection because perfection isn't real and it isn't healthy. What they should try to be is "their best".

Children that are held to such high standards at a young age will always end up hurt, anxious, depressed and burnout at some point. And Hermione never went through that, was never shown to feel like she wasn't good enough, or even if she was, everyone around her was quick to reassure her, when she made mistakes those mistakes were treaded as Empowering for women, or brilliant for her age. When she hurt people's feelings, the narrative didn't punish her.

That doesn't happen in real life. If you hurt people in real life then you start loosing them, if you make mistakes you have to pay the price, if you feel like you're not good enough there won't always be people around saying "no that's not true!" Hell there might be people who see your insecurities and use them and make you feel so much worse.

So yeah, I don't wanna be Hermione anymore.

[gallavictorious]

So. Mickey as an unofficial and entirely involuntary role model for South Side queers.

Thing is, while Kev's assertion that 'no one cares who you bang' largely seems to hold true, I still can't see it not causing at least a tiny bit of stir when the news first hit. You know, in general everyone just seem to know a lot about everyone else in the neighborhood, and maybe they know an extra lot about the Milkoviches because they're pretty damned dangerous, and you'd do well to stay both informed and clear of them. Now, Mickey is the neighborhood thug of his generation: the son and likely successor of a violent and homophobic Nazi, so him coming out as gay at his son's christening is... Well. Word gets around, is my point, even if most people are too busy with their own shitty lives to pay too much attention to Mickey's, beyond a wry observation or two.

Except some do pay attention. Some keep all this in their hearts and think about it often.

The years pass; Mickey goes to prison and escapes and returns and gets engaged; Terry burns down the wedding venue and threatens to kill him, Mickey gets married all the same. Word gets around, again. Life goes on, still.

And then one chilly February afternoon Mickey is walking home from wherever when he's approached by a teenage boy asking: “Uh, hey. You're Mickey Milkovich, right?”

In Mickey's experience that isn't the sort of question that leads to hugs and handshakes, so he's immediately wary, but a quick look at the boy dispels most of his concern. Sure, the kid looks nothing but South Side, scrappy like: can probably both take and dole out a beating, but he's clearly nervous – and not nervous in a way that suggests that he's about to do something utterly stupid like try to rob or murder Mickey. So, Mickey relaxes a little and lights a cigarette. Is maybe the tiniest bit curious, but mostly annoyed. “What the hell do you want?”

The kid hems and haws and Mickey is just about ready to walk away from this stammering snooze-fest when boy finally blurts: “I'm gay!”

What the actual fuck? Mickey stares. “Yeah? So fucking what? I'm married, asshole, and wouldn't be banging kids even if I wasn't.”

“No! Yeah, no, I mean – I know. I'm not... “ The kid's staring down at the ground. “I never told anyone before,” he adds softly.

Okay, that... does something strange to Mickey's insides, but he still has no idea what the hell is going on here. “You wanna talk to Ian?” he hazards. “Gay Jesus?” Riding out to save the day for troubled teens is Ian's thing, isn't it, but fuck, he really hopes he isn't starting with that shit again -

But the kid is shaking his head. “No, man, I was looking for you. 'Cause with your dad and everything I though that maybe... “ He pauses again, swallows. “I think my family's gonna be really angry if they find out.”

Ah. Still doesn't explain how that is any of Mickey's problem, but for some reason he can't find it in him to just shrug and walk away. He bites his lip. “They gonna kill you?”

“N-no. I mean... I don't think so. No.”

Then what the fuck are you whining about, you fucking pussy, Mickey doesn't say. He considers the kid, pale and damned near shaking before him, and wonders what he is supposed to say, what the hell the boy wants from him. Why the fuck isn't Ian here to deal with this shit? He'd be much better at it; he'd fucking love it, what with that goddamned Messiah complex he's got going...

But the kid hasn't come for Ian; he's come for Mickey and while Mickey isn't sure how the hell he came up with that brilliant notion it probably has something to do with the fact that Ian, for all he is as South Side as they come, still looks and walks and talks like someone who... well, whose homosexuality wouldn't completely shock you. This kid doesn't, and Mickey doesn't either. There's South Side and then there's South Side.

He gives a long sigh and tosses his cigarette butt to the pavement.

“Listen. I have no fucking idea if your family is gonna be cool with you loving cock or whatever, but if they're not, they're not, and that's not gonna fucking change, no matter how long you wait. Sooner or later you'll have to say something 'cause you'll be fucking miserable if you don't, and if it's gonna suck either way you might as well get it over with.”

He pauses, for a moment hesitating over what he wants to say next, because it's fucking soft and reveals way too much and... Fuck it. He clears his throat: “Fear's worse than whatever comes after anyway,” he says gruffly, not looking at the kid. Then, because this is the South Side and he ain't nothing but pragmatic, he adds: “You think it's gonna get violent, tell someone you think might roll with it first and bring them to back you up. Fuck it, pay someone to have your back if you have to. Or do it somehwere public so someone calls for help if it gets out of hand. Hit them back and hit them hard, yeah? Lots of people gonna think you're a pussy for taking it up the ass, or giving it or whatever, and you wanna shut that down real quick, or you gonna be having the same fucking conversation over and over. You hear me?”

The kid nods jerkily. He still looks slightly terrified – which is good because the last thing Mickey needs is some teenage queer running after him like a kicked puppy – but he looks strangely elated too. Hopeful, maybe; determined.

Mickey lets out a long breath, like a sigh. Can't quite belive he is doing this, but: “You have somewhere to go if shit goes sidways?”

A shrug. “I dunno. Maybe. I have an aunt down in Alsip. Maybe she'd let me crash there.”

“Give me your phone.” The kids looks surprised but does as he's told without comment. Mickey quickly enters his own number and hands the phonbe back. “Things go south, you text me,” he says. “I might know a guy who can help.” Though if that happens he is absolutely dumping this on Ian, who probably knows a lot of people who live for this short of shit. Fucking hippies.

“Thank you, man,” the kids begins. “I really - “

Mickey waves him away. “Yeah, yeah, get the fuck out of here.”

The kid does and Mickey remains standing there for a moment, staring after him and wondering what the hell just happened. This is all Gallagher's fault, he decides. Shit like this you can always safely blame on Ian. Not that he'll mention any of this to him, because fuck no.

And if few days later there is a text from an unknown number, saying just: “talked to my family they're pretty freaked but it went ok thanks” and if Mickey does feel a small surge of something not entirely different from satisfaction reading it, well... Whatever. It is what it is. Not like it's gonna be a regular thing or whatever.

But once more, it seems, word gets around, because there will be others. Not too many of them, but enough that it does become a bit of a thing; kids showing up outside his home or his work, or on his way to and fro. Mostly they just want to talk; want some kind of reassurance that there's a way to be gay and South Side, and you can still be a tough motherfucker while sucking some other dude's dick. Mickey primarily provides such reassurance by being a tough South Side motherfucker who swears and scowls and glares at them, but apparently this kind of works? There's a bit of practical advice at times, like “listen, if you brother can't accept you like banging guys he doesn't really give a crap about you so just cut him out” or “don't fucking hesitate, they start with that shit you punch them in the throat, like this”, and maybe a few instances of Mickey hunting down and kicking the shit out of some bullies or family members, if he decides that the kid isn't likely to manage it on their own and deserves a hand.

Now, Mickey doesn't exactly hide this shit from Ian, but he doesn't really mention it either because... Well, he just doesn't. The whole things is fucking weird, anyway. He doesn't know why he puts up with these stupid brats and he sure as hell didn't ask to be anyone's fucking guardian angel.

But of course Ian finds out eventually, and he is absolutely torn between mercilessly teasing Mickey about it (aaaaaw, Mick, it's so sweet that you care!) and just covering Mickey's entire body in kisses because he's so damned delighted and proud (I mean, it is sweet that Mick cares; hot too). In the end he probably goes for both, but pretty gently, because he knows Mickey and knows that making too big a deal out of it might freak him out. Or not. It's always hard to tell when Mickey will be embarrassed about something and when he'll just declare that liking what he likes doesn't make him a bitch. Ian figures it's better not to take the risk, though, not when they are teenagers in need out there! So, a little moderate ribbing, a lot of particularly attentive sex, and Mickey finds that he doesn't mind Ian knowing so much after all, because there's something about that stupid redhead looking at him like he's a fucking wonder that feels pretty good.

So maybe he'll keep on helping the kids, if they keep on showing up. You know, out of pure self-interest.

---

A/N: I'm still not sure if this idea is my own or if I've seen it discussed elsewhere, which seriously bugs me, but I was too invested in the notion to let it lie. If you happen to know of a fic or meta discussing similar themes, I'd love a link. Also tagging @sickness-health-all-that-shit because you expressed an interest. ;)

[byorder-fanfic]

Jesus Household Headcanons

A/N: I know that in Heaven Hears, I mentioned that Jeremiah’s wife died giving birth, but I really wanted a happy and alive Jesus family in this one.

If I’ve said anything offensive or incorrect, I apologise and would appreciate it if you could correct me so I can change it. 

 I’m trying out a new format, hope you enjoy! Xx

Jeremiah was the stereotypical Church boy who somehow managed to become best friends with the Peaky Blinders and the Shelby family. When he finished school, Rose got Arthur Sr to give him a job as a bookkeeper 

He met his wife, Angela, at Church when he was twenty-ish, He was a flustered mess, bless him, stuttering and faffing with his shirt sleeve. Angela, however, is all confidence and smirks (where else did Isaiah get it from?) as she asked him to go to the pictures with her

The rest is pretty much history. They were the cutest couple in Small Heath, giving each other pet names and picking up flowers for their dates

When they got married, Rose Shelby asked whether he’d got her up the duff, resulting in a whole lot of Good Christian Boy jokes that the entire Shelby clan tease him about- even Pol!

Angela found it funny when the Shelbys came over to eat, cause they could never stand the spices and her and Jeremiah would have to bite their lips to suppress their giggles as she asked if Tommy wanted another glass of water

Isaiah was a miracle baby. Because of a previous illness, they didn’t think Angela could get pregnant. Suffice to say, there was a massive celebration at the Garrison when the doctors confirmed it, and Jeremiah just could not stop smiling

He was born on Christmas Day 1905, and Angela thought it was appropriate that his middle name was Nicholas (Jeremiah didn’t really care what they called him, as long as his baby boy was safe in his arms)

The Shelby brothers take the absolute piss out of him for that and always make fun of the Church boy with Jesus’ name born on Jesus’ birthday. They didn’t stop as Isaiah got older, either, always nicknaming him ‘Emmanuel’ and ‘Christ child’, and John being the little shit he is would also hum like an organ tune under his breath whenever Angela rolled little Isaiah into Watery Lane in his little stroller

Despite the jokes, they all loved Isaiah (especially teenager John, who kept on saying he was going to be the best big brother to little Siah) and Polly always invited Angela around, letting Michael play with the baby, both of them saying how their boys were going to be best friends when they grow up

Since Jeremiah is Jamaican and Angela is a light-skinned black woman who doesn’t know her roots, they raise Isaiah with a blend of their two different cultures, teaching him to be proud of his heritage and his skin colour (he took after his mum in that area too)

Isaiah was a huge mamma’s boy when he was younger, but when Jeremiah came home from war, he never left his side

Finn and Isaiah grew up playing together, since their families were close, and the age difference never seemed to bother them until Isaiah became a teenager and started hanging out more with kids his age, and Michael when he came back

When Jeremiah went to war, he was inconsolable, spending most of the time with Finn, who was equally as distressed for his brothers and uncle. They went to the Cut to cry where no one could see, but then they always went back to Angela, who would hug them both and tell them that it wasn’t unmanly to cry, and then make them some food to get them to smile

Two months after they went to war, Angela found out she was pregnant (there was a huge baby boom that year...I think you can figure out why)

Jeremiah cried when he found out. He was so upset that he wouldn’t be there when the baby was born, or see the baby grow up in those first few years

John was there to console him, as he understood with four kids waiting at home for him, especially the newborn Katie

“We might miss those firsts, mate, and it will be fuckin’ awful when we go back and there’s our child who’s grown so much without us...but, the thing is, we’re fighting for them, Miah. We’re fighting so they can live and so we can go back an be a part of their lives.”

Delilah Rose Jesus was born on Easter Day 1915

As expected, the boys in the trenches took the piss out of him for that too

“Two miracle babies born on holy days! Y’know what boys, I might just start going to Church if God’s as good as that!”

“Freddie, if you ever willingly walked into a Church, you’d set on fire sooner than you could do the sign of the cross!”

Isaiah would always write to his dad about how he was taking care of his little sister, writing things like “Mum let me hold Lilah today when we went to the betting shop and she said I did a really good job, supporting her head and keeping her safe, even if she weighs as much as a sack of potatoes” and, he proudly read this out to the Shelby brothers: “Finn wanted to hold Lilah today but I wouldn’t let him. He had a right paddy but  I reminded him about the Nativity incident and that my baby sister wasn’t plastic and would do more than melt if he dropped her in the candles!”

When they got home, Jeremiah immediately quit his job at the betting shop (he worked the books like his son would eventually take up) to become a preacher. This meant he could stay at home and look after Delilah and Isaiah when Angela went to teach at the local school, and he’d even bring the four year old along when he walked down Small Heath, teaching her the Bible as he recited phrases for everyone to hear

Being black in the 1920s wasn't easy, but with the Shelby protection, the family were always safe. When Isaiah got older, he started working the books in the betting shop and earned himself a cap to keep him and his family safe- it didn’t matter what colour your skin was, no one messed with a Blinder

Although Isaiah did enjoy a lot of the perks of being a Blinder (drinking, girls, parties, snow), his parents were both very proud of him and never tried to tell him he was wrong or sinning (although Jeremiah was always very worried about his son, staying up until he heard him come home)

Alongside his work at the betting shop, Isaiah also helped his dad out at the Church as a youth worker for the kids. Delilah was a part of the group, so he started it out to keep an eye on her, but ended up really enjoying teaching these little kids about the Bible and, since the group had a lot of ethnic minorities in it, he loved being a role model for them and teaching them that God loves them and their skin colour, just as his mum and  dad taught him

Delilah looks a lot like her dad with darker skin and her hair always up in braids since it gets in her face too much otherwise. She was a bit wild, always running about with John’s kids and having fun outdoors, and she loves Charlie’s Yard. She wants to be a mechanic when she’s older, so she always gets Charlie or Arthur to show her how things work

Angela gets Delilah to fix broken clocks and the like, sitting at the table as she watched her daughter take them apart and put them back together

As Isaiah got a better position in the Peaky Blinders and more money, he started to bring back little treats for his family. He bought his dad the rosary that he always wears after Jeremiah’s old one was broken in war. He likes to buy his mum flowers and little pretty things that caught his eye. For Delilah, he got her soft toys and mechanical things for her to wind up and play about with

The Jesus family were happy. There was a lot of danger in their life, with the discrimination in Birmingham and the razor blades in their son’s cap, but they had each other, and that was all that mattered.

[godsporncollection]

Saturday Morning Session

(personal commentary in italics) (sorry for how inconsistent i am at this, i’m trying new medication, so my focus comes and goes unpredictably, but i didn’t want this to take weeks)

Russel M Nelson -  strengthen your testimony (?)

"I understand better what he meant when he said 'behold, i will hasten my work in this time.'" 

Y'all have been strengthening your testimonies and i, and your children, thank you. did that inclusion of "your children" feel off to anyone else?

I can see the work on the temple outside my window and that makes me think about how we need to remove the old debris from our lives. I too think of the temple as 'old debris' that should be removed from my life.

"the gospel is a message of joy" I cannot roll my eyes hard enough

that was short. what was the topic? blab for a five minutes?

Dieter F. Uchdorf - god is Among Us

I had to move lots when I was a kid because there was a war on. i thought about the missionaries who came to the country of their enemies to bring us the gospel.

i was a kid in a war-torn country > missionaries > god has not forgotten us > we will be heirs of god > how could we complain when we have that? > the atonement > mistakes are okay, just gotta keep repenting.

what would jesus teach if he was among us today? the same thing he's always taught. "the savior always teaches timeless truths, to everyone, a message of hope and belonging, a testament that god has not abandoned his children that god is Among Us."

jesus says to love one another and to be full of charity towards all men. i would like to see it.

anyone else feel like these talks are just. empty? like, they're not feeling it either?

if jesus came into your home today, he would see into your heart and i'm gonna waste a couple more minutes by expanding on that. one look into his eyes and we would be forever changed by the realization that god is Among Us.

back to me, i wish i could go back and tell myself to stay on the right track because god is Among Us, so i'm gonna tell you instead. god is Among Us.

"line upon line" *gag*

god is Among Us

Joy D Jones - abuse is wrong unless you use it to teach kids about the gospel

"have you ever wondered why we call 'primary' 'primary'?" as someone who understands how language works, no.

because kids are importanter than everything else

god trusts us to be nice to our kids; that means no abuse, even if we're angry. whoever needed this reminder should be shot.

hey, maybe you can "combat the evils of abuse" by not fucking raising your kids in an abusive cult!

analogy of a kid who fell out of bed because he "didn't get far enough in" = he wasn't indoctrinated enough, with awkward collage of pics of kids for a minute.

eyring said to get 'em while they're young

love all the pics of black people that try to say "see? we don't think black people are inherently evil (anymore)!"

analogy of a soldier in boot camp. drill seargants are mean, but that was necessary because apparantly it's the only way this guy can learn how to hide. also, apparently this guy is "our friend". not my friend, thanks.

"how can we do the same for our children?" don't fucking act like a drill seargent to your kids! ffs

"wouldn't we rather have them sweat in the safe learning environment of the home than bleed on the battlefields of life?" first of all, fuck you. second, dramatic much? third, fuck you, kids shouldn't have to learn about life in a hostile environment. does this woman have kids? are they okay? fucking hell, five kids were raised by a woman with this mentality. what a bitch.

"eternity is the wrong thing to be wrong about." i got news for you. of course, if i ever spoke to this machine, that topic wouldn't be my top priority.

I need a fucking drink.

Jan Eric Newman - teaching the gospel is good, but you can't force a testimony on others

anecdote about a local old woman getting birthday gifts. she taught us some good things when we were growing up, so thanks, sister davis.

another teacher, at college, was a "master teacher." he loved me and the lord. he taught me to learn doctrine on my own and that "changed me forever."

just sayin', if you're taught how to learn on your own, but didn't exercise enough critical thought to gtfo of this cult, maybe the teacher wasn't the best.

it's good to have good teachers.

the ancient nephites and lamanites had good teachers, and "there was no contention among them!"

"how can we teach more like the savior and help others become more deeply converted?" nope, nope. nope.

1st, "learn all you can about the master teacher hismelf." so, we're sticking with the term "master teacher." cool. doesn't sound weird at all.

ask yourself questions about how he taught, then do that.

read "teaching in the savoir's way."

2nd, use bullshit stories. oh, no, it's a story about how somebody is grateful for the pandemic because her adult child read the BoM for the first time during it. she said it had made "literal miracles."

3rd, "remember that conversion must come from within." guess jan and "joy" should have compared notes before speaking.

"children inheret many things, but a testimony is not one of them. we can't give our children a testimony any more than we can make a seed grow; but we can provide a nourishing environment, with good soil, free of thorns that would choke the word."

Gary E. Stevenson - kindness

story about a study where rabbits were fed a high-fat diet, but those under the care of a loving researcher didn't gain as much weight.

only christians can intuitively understand that this means there's a reason to be kind to others.

jesus said love one another.

addressing primary kids - be kind. here's a story about a kid who stopped being a bully because the bullied kid said it hurt.

to the teens - social media makes bullying worse, clearly satan is using social media against your generation. do what you can t make these spaces safer. if you're a bully, "stop it."

to the adults- "we have a primary responsibility to set a tone and be role models of kindness (get wrecked "joy"), inclusion and civility."

from ballard- "i have never heard members of this church to be anything but loving, kind, tolerant and benevolent to our friends and neighbors of other faiths." k, but, like, you know it's not just a difference of religious belief that’s the problem, right?

i'm heartbroken to hear about prejudice against blackasianlatino people or of any other group. i love how that section was really only about race, with a blanket "any other group" thrown in as an afterthought so they can't be accused of being homophobic.

in the winter of 1838, jo smith was in prison and why do you think that happened, gary?

church members were driven from their homes and the residents of a town across the river gave them food and shelter. that generosity saved the lives of many of them.

god is a compassionate care-giver.

Gerrit W. Gong - disjointed anecdotes of human experiences, idk

i miss my dad. he was adventurous, except regarding food.

i saw a guy be mean to a lady selling ice cream. he smashed all of her cones. the image of her trying to salvage the cones haunts me to this day.

story of the good samaritan.

be like christ this easter.

"we recieve inspiration as we counsel together, listening to each person, including each sister and the spirit."

does this guy have a topic?

he’s is just giving a list of random human experiences and parables.

*displays a lack of understanding of instagram.*

he's listing something throughout this, like, he keeps counting, but i have no idea what and his voice is making my adhd medication run away, so i'm not listening to this again.

Henry B. Eyring - temple worthiness

today i'm feeling light and hope, like the first day i went to the salt lake temple

i'm an oblivious fucker who didn't notice my name being pinned on me, so i thought the woman who greeted me was an angel because she knew my name.

thought he could remember being in the temple before, but a voice that was not his own (that's how you know it's true and not something he just told himself) told him he was remembering heaven.

confused "holiness to the lord" with "this is a holy place." i know both phrases use the word 'holy', but like, those contexts mean separate things.

i also had this feeling during my wedding in the logan temple.

i think henry should get checked out, he suffers from frequent hallucinations and it's good to know how your brain works differently from others when in a leadership position.

during my wedding, i had a vision of a house and the officiant said to live in a way that you can walk away easily. a year later, my father in law bought the exact house and my wife and i lived in the guest house for ten years. then i got the call to move somewhere else on assignment from the church and we walked away easily.

scripture from jesus about temples.

if you're unworthy in the temple, you won't be "able to see, by the power of the holy ghost, the spiritual teaching of the savior that we can recieve in the temple."

"when we are worthy to recieve such teaching, there can grow, through our temple experience, hope, joy, and optimism throughout our lives. that hope, joy, and optimism are available only through accepting the ordinances performed in holy temples."

i forgot how simple a baptism is, so i'm gonna tell you how amazed (and a little concerned) i was when my youngest daughter stayed to do baptism for the dead for all of the names on the list that day. maybe i'm just super comfortable in the water, but that doesn't sound hard, actually. i used to almost enjoy doing those.

quotes the primary song 'i love to see the temple.'

remember to be worthy so you can live with your family forever.

[hackink]

Step Dad

A short story

I hear thrashing and screaming, I yearned for it to end, never did. That quite sucks not gonna lie.

I'm the big one, it's like I'm the chosen one in my family, could be both good or bad. I've got to take care of my siblings, like all the time. The big responsibilities always point in my direction. It's not all bad, I do have my fair share of fun. But for that same reason, I must set a good example. I can't really act the way I wanna most of the time, usually I've make-up on my face, covering the skin before it. It's kinda complicated.

This one time, my parents came into my room, they introduced me to someone, he was a tall white man, and was fairly well clothed. He was wearing these really nice shoes, and had a suit on that looked like it cost buck. I shook his big hand, it felt soft, and a bit warming. We talked for about 30 minutes, he was a fairly nice person, and my parents seemed to like him as well.

After that time was over, my dad went to the room, and grabbed some suitcases out from the closet, as he rolled them by, I felt my heart drop. They explained everything.

Quickly, I put my make-up on, before it was too late, it was. Once I saw my little brother and sister hugging the leg of my dad, begging him to stay, I washed it off naturally. 'Who is he to take the place of my dad?' This thought lingered in my head that night, I took some sleeping pills.

I avoided the man, I didn't want to talk to him, if I saw my mother close to him, I'd turn my head, cause I know how violent I can get. There was this one time, where I walked into the kitchen to get a snack, was playing Minecraft with my siblings, and there I saw the two, hugging and kissing. I, at that moment, remembered how my dad taught me to drive, how he taught me to build a nice dog house for our pet dog, which had died upon my dad's exit. I remembered every single second I spent with my father, the amazing role model he was, and snapped.

Back in the 8th grade, one of my good friends was playing bloody knuckles with someone. He totaled him. He then turned to me, and held his fist up, I didn't last two punches. He told me to start punching the walls at home, bit by bit, so that it wouldn't hurt and my fists would become stronger. In two months' time, my knuckles along with my punches, had become stronger than most boys in my school. I beat my friend, the only time I did too, cause he trained after that as well, and became much better than me. Though, I did beat just about anyone in school at bloody knuckles.

I clenched my fist, and I dropped my phone. This man was innocent, I just hated the fact that he wanted to replace the man who could never be replaced, ever. I felt like letting him know. I had never punched anything as hard as I could, since it'd probably be the end of my fist, but boy do I gotta say his cheek was soft. He fell to the ground and hit the stove with his head, my mom started to scream and push me back, each little shove she gave me, let me know how much she liked this man. They all hurt. I hadn't seen her do that with my dad in the past year, and he gets to do it in the first week? I couldn't settle with that, I ran out the house, and went to my grandma's house, where I began punching the tree in order to not break down in tears.

She gave me some hot cocoa, and let me spend the night there. She felt like she always had, like my grandma, so I felt comfortable, silently I sobbed. The next morning I got up and took a shower, my hands had a bunch of wounds in them from punching the tree bare fisted, and they really hurt to clean. They were also shaking, 'maybe I cracked a bone or something?' I didn't really care, my adrenaline wasn't going down anytime soon.

I was taking a jog outside around the house to clear my mind, when I see a tall man, with some really nice shoes, and a bruise on his cheek come by. 'Your mother sent me to get you.' I ignored him, for his sake. He sat down in a chair, and patted next to him, signaling for me to take a seat. I was thinking it was a bad pun, was he here to mock me? His face was so infuriating, the fact that it wasn't six feet under was pissing me off. On my next lap around the house, I kicked his chair over, his suit looked expensive. He smiled and chuckled, 'kids these days are quite funny.' Why? He must be a psycho, my reaction would be to get mad, or confused at least!

He began to jog alongside me, this man was starting to tick me off big time. I stopped running, grabbed his tie, and said 'Get out, and I mean out, you lay another finger on my mom and I'll kill you!' I tripped him, and continued my jog. I'd feel guilty, but I can't for someone who got my father kicked out of the house, nobody deserves to live after screwing with my family.

I returned home later that day, still a tad hesitant because of the incidents the day prior. My mom asked me to help her cook, she was making shrimp. She gave me the basic rundown of what she had going, and started cutting vegetables off to the side, we started talking about the usual, how much I annoyed her, and how my siblings were idiots. I hear the door open, and I get ready for disappointment, 'Hello everybody!!' it's a... playful voice?

'Where's my food you peasants?' My eyes lighten up, followed by tears. I rush over to hug my dad, started to sob in his arms. He had a black bag, that had chips in it, he always brought chips back home from time to time. He lied it down on the table, and not long after, my siblings came running and crying. 'Dad why did you leave!?' My little brother cried as he hugged him, my sister on the other side. I felt a sense of family, something I haven't felt in a long time. Through the open door walked a other entity, the tall man. I then snapped back into life, and became a bit sad that I wasn't seeing my dad every day, or that he wasn't showing me something. I didn't feed him, I let him eat a microwaved frozen food, I could not give a damn about his existence. Well, that's a lie, I'd prefer if he was gone.

A couple weeks went by, I was kinda getting used to ignoring the tall man in my house. One good thing is that I never saw him getting intimate with my mom. Could've been good or bad, cause I couldn't punch him, bummer. He was always at work, your typical nine to five corporate slave. So when he was gone, I'd spend time normally with my family. I video chatted my dad every day or two, and just talked about life, sometimes he'd show me how to wood work via video chat. I could live with this.

One day, he came back with a few boxes in his hands, and a letter, or at least that's what it looked like. He opened the boxes in front of my sister and brother, as well as my mom and I. Inside the link box, there was a super high quality drawling tablet, the exact one that my sister always wanted, and cracked jokes about. She took it and ran to her room to use it. In the blue box, there was this laptop, one that my little brother was talking about gettjng for ages, and wouldn't shut up about how good it was. He said thank you and ran to his room to use it. I was pissed, he was trying to buy us into liking him, and it was seeming to be quite effective. He opened a my box, it was keys to a car, specifically the car I always told my dad I was going to get when I got money, and got us out of this house, into a nice house. He always said he was gonna buy it for me, I felt conflicted.

'I know we've had our ups and downs, but I really do want to get along with you as my child, or maybe even just a friend.' I saw my mom out of the corner of my eye, she was tearing up, of happiness. I came back to my senses, and went back to my room, slammed the door shut. I knew I had let my mother down, there were like twenty different emotions circulating through me, they were wreaking havoc. I began to punch the walls, I started screaming, it was probably audible from miles away. I felt weird, something I had never felt before. It didn't seem healthy, but I didn't care. This feeling was new to me, I felt like dying over and over, but even then, that might've not been enough to suppress the pain. I remember thinking to myself, 'I'm gonna kill him, he will die!'

That night, I asked him to come talk to me outside. He looked excited. We went outside, and I took him to the back of the house. I had an itch on my lower back. 'So, what's up?' I didn't reply. 'You're uh, quite the mysterious one aren't you?' He chuckled a bit to himself, I didn't move a muscle. He began to talk about what he had for the future, how he was gonna move us out in like a month, and buy us everything we wanted. 'That's what my dad's gonna do.' I mumbled quietly. 'I beg your pardon?' He replied. I couldn't take it anymore. 'My dad's gonna buy us a house, he's gonna move us out!' I pulled out the pocket knife from the back of my pants and stabbed him in the chest.

His blood came rushing out shortly, I began to scream and cry, 'You will never be my dad!' I stabbed him time and time again, he didn't move after a while. My dad walked up behind me and patted me on the back, along with my mother, sister, and little brother. We spit on him together, and we started to chant, it was a happy chant. We danced around his corpse. I started to sweat intensely, my family began to fade away, still chanting, it turned louder and louder. They began to float away, I dropped to my knees, and the tall man was laughing at me, he pointed and laughed. I started to laugh, with tears running down my face, I took the knife and pointed it at me, that's when I heard the voice. 'Wake up! Jesus Christ you've been sleeping all morning!'

My mom woke me up, I got up and went to the table. I got a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and began to eat. My mom walked outside and began to talk to my aunt, 'So, I was able to get this puppy sold for about $150!' I overheard some of their conversation, I wanted a puppy. My dad walked in with a bag, 'Hello my dear children! I am awesome for I have brought the goodies!' I look inside the bag, and tell him that he forgot my hot chips. He quickly runs outside. I take the bag over to my sister and brother, where they get their bag of chips, and start munching away. Once I finish my cereal, I get ready for school. I brush my teeth, and put on a sweater. My mom passes by me on the phone with her sister, talking about something, I couldn't quite catch it. As I open the door, I see my dad chasing after my baby sister, who's face is covered in mud, and laughing away. 'I'm gonna brush your hair so hard!' He yells at her, I giggle to myself. My aunt is outside my house, playing jump rope with my cousin. I wonder who's winning. My sister walks past me, and looks at me. 'Another bad dream?' she asks. 'Yea, this one was hectic.'

[springday-aus]

Enemies to Lovers!AU with Doyoung

moodboard link 

Group: NCT 

Member: Kim Doyoung 

Genre: fluff, romance 

Type: Bulletpoint AU 

Word Count: 1.8k

okay so Doyoung is the mom friend of the lil high school!Dreamies

he’s got these mama bear instincts whenever he’s around them 

all he wants to do is protect them because the world is awful 

except for Donghyuk 

Doyoung thinks Donghyuk can protect himself 

I’m kidding……. not really though 

anyways 

he’s always making sure they’re always hydrated and eating all their meals 

if they weren’t, he would make sure they got their reusable bottles filled or treat them out 

sometimes he’ll just make large ass portions of food and give them some 

Chenle and Jisung literally exploit this down to the core 

Doyoung did catch on…... and nagged them……… 

……… only to keep feeding them later on lol

speaking of nagging 

jeSUS 

Jaemin: “my ears are getting closer to bleeding because of Doyoung” 

Jeno: “he lectures me more than my actual mom”

Jaemin: “………….that sounds about right”

and like the dreamies…. they make these jokes all the time, but like…. 

at the end of the day….. everyone knows that it’s Doyoung’s way of showing that he cares 

so, where do you fit in? 

well, with the mom friend, there’s the dad friend 

that’s you 

you’re the whole package, from the dad jokes to the barbeque skills 

you care for the dreamies just as much as Doyoung 

like giving them relationship advice or spending some free time with them so they get to relax from school and life stuff 

since you aren’t with them as much, you even give them some money from time to time if they need it 

it’s like a cute little family 

but….. there’s a catch………. 

despite being the mom friend and the dad friend……. y’all do NOT get along 

it’s almost like y’all got a bad divorce 

Renjun: “I feel like I’m being asked which of my parents I like better”

Jisung: “how are we even supposed to respond to that?” 

Renjun: “I suddenly don’t speak Korean”

Jaemin: “tHAT’S NOT FAIR” 

anyways

one time y’all got dinner together as a whole group and…. 

yIKES 

let’s just say there was an argument…… 

in front of the kiddos……. and the restuarant….... 

and it was NA S TY 

like y’all were real close to throwing some hands 

no one dares to bring it up to this day nor does anyone try to plan another full fam outing…… 

Jeno: “we’re not involved, but we’re involved”

Chenle: “hmmmm, we love tea” 

anyways 

even though all of nct know what’s up……

(because Doyoung doesn’t ever stop to complain about you—cue side eye from literally everyone) 

it didn’t stop them from planning a whole group vacation

and I mean WHOLE group so that means... 

with you

because the dreamies begged Doyoung…….. 

when Doyoung asked you to come, you really stretched it 

You: “sorry, what was that??? you??? need??? me???”

Doyoung, with gritted teeth: do it for the kids, do it for the kids

basically, Johnny and Jaehyun have lake houses near the shore and for spring break, y’all went together 

and they thought it’d be fun to have everyone there

could you imagine a space that’d fit all of these boys like……. jesus christ 

anywho—lakehouse, plus ot…. (god knows how many members there are now) 

let’s just say like 20 of them 

so, when you and Doyoung first arrive, y’all just kind of ignored each other…. 

because like no one wants to get between y’all 

but like, as time went by, the small things started to build-up 

like Doyoung’s side comment on your outfit….. 

and your comment on his food…….

oof 

Lucas: “how much did I miss???” 

Taeyong: “you have no clue dude” 

so everyone just let it happen 

however…. some of the dreamies thought of this as an opportunity 

by dreamies, you know I mean Donghyuk, Chenle, and Jisung…. 

basically, the troublemaker line 

so, you all planned to go kayaking on the lake right 

obviously, Doyoung planned it because the dreamies wanted to try it  and they were like

“LET’S INVITE DAD” 

Doyoung: “............................. I guess” 

so y’all head out and it’s fun 

like y’all have actual fun as a group 

even though you and Doyoung are in the same kayak…… lowkey ignoring each others presence 

……….. until Donghyuk decides to come out of nowhere…… 

and fucking takes your ores 

and with pleasure—he’s literally laughing when he sees your faces 

Jisung: “WORK OUT YOUR PROBLEMS YOU ARE ADULTS” 

Chenle: “DON’T BOTHER CALLING UNTIL YOU TWO ARE MARRIED AGAIN” 

**cue them quickly trying to row away in order to avoid you and Doyoung’s wrath**

so what happens? 

almost nothing for like 30 minutes 

but then Doyoung speaks up 

Doyoung: “we can just pretend we like each other until we get to shore” 

You: “that’s an idea that would have been nice about 20 minutes ago” 

he just loses his temper with you and explodes

Doyoung: “literally, why are you so rude to me?” 

can you believe the fucking audacity??? 

Doyoung’s literally been so rude to you since like week one and you could not figure out why

he’s always giving you nasty looks and it rubs you the wrong way 

meanwhile, Doyoung can’t understand what your deal is with him 

like you’ve been shutting him out since y’all met 

both of you understand that y’all are only rude to each other……. because the other person’s rude……. 

right???? 

You: “I should be asking that—why are YOU so rude to ME??” 

Doyoung: “what are you talking about? you clearly started this whole fiasco” 

You: “eXCUSE ME??? you literally look down on me all the time and I don’t understand why—did I do something to offend you?”

Doyoung: “....... I just thought…….. you…. had a problem…. with me……”

You: “.... I thought you had a problem with me…..” 

…... well…. things have officially become awkward 

so nct did find out what the lil troublemaker line was up to and came to get y’all 

but like….. it was weird…. 

because y’all looked embarrassed as hell about the whole situation 

later that night, after everyone went to sleep 

you were out on the shore, looking at the beach with a lil fire you made and a glass of beer 

Doyoung comes out as well and he spots you 

so he heads over to you with a glass of wine in hand and sits next to you 

not super close to you, but close enough for you to notice 

Doyoung: “you might want to head in, you could catch a cold” 

You: “if that’s the case, why are you out here?”

Doyoung: “..... valid point” 

y’all just kind of sit there in silence, looking out at the waves…. it’s nice 

it’s kind of the first official time y’all are not fighting 

even in the dark, you can see he’s got handsome features

with the anger subsided…… you can see he’s got a good face 

it’s okay though, he’s just noticing how cute you are too

eventually, he speaks up: “I’m sorry for the way I treated you before... I just thought you were rude to me so” 

you didn’t think he’d say anything about the whole misunderstanding

You: “don’t be, it was my fault too for assuming, I’m sorry too” 

tsk, tsk, common miscommunication 

anyways, after that moment, you two were slowly making up for the bad times on the rest of the trip 

y’all are kind of in your own little bubble, 

whereas, everyone’s just confused 

Jaemin: “are we in an alternate universe?” 

Jeno: “maybe bc one of their plans actually worked” 

Chenle: “this is why you should listen to us more” 

Jisung: “we come up with the best plans” 

Renjun: “no” 

meanwhile

Mark: “I’m confused, do they like…. not hate each other?” 

Donghyuk: “Mark, can you please keep up with the program?” 

this even continues when y’all get back

the dreamies like to call this “the process of re-marrying” 

because lowkey y’all end up lowkey dating 

eventually, y’all do go out without the dreamies and it’s….. nice bc it’s kind of an official date 

first, it was all casual like lunch 

or brunch bc there was a coupon date deal and Doyoung wanted to use it 

then y’all moved to dinner…. and then movies….. and other dates like when the fair came to town, shopping dates, or browsing through IKEA 

you swore that you needed to get a new desk chair and y’all literally left with nothing LMAO

okay but like the dreamies rights? 

they def followed y’all on some of the dates 

the whole hoodies, fake mustaches, holding up the menus shit 

Doyoung: “should we tell them we’ve seen them since the bus stop?” 

You: “nah, they’ve been following us for a while, they might as well stay to get something to eat” 

Jaemin: “WE’VE NEVER BEEN CAUGHT LOOK AT HOW SLICK WE ARE” 

Doyoung: *pays for their meals*

Donghyuk: “I can’t believe I got roped into this shit” 

anywho 

dating Doyoung feels like having a housewife 

he’s constantly making sure you’re eating six meals a day 

(because he read online that it’s better for your metabolism) 

which is without the snack breaks 

…….. which Doyoung also preps for you……… 

and the dreamies of course

he’s got like EVERYTHING in his bag because ANYTHING could happen 

also he’s gonna do that thing where he checks to make sure you got everything 

imagine him with a little satchel and you literally have everything in your clothes with deep ass pockets 

Doyoung: “where’s the medicine?? where’s the tissues???” 

You: “babe, I only need my keys and my wallet” 

anyways 

he’s always gonna give you a kiss on the cheek before you go 

there’s the full parent dynamic in the works 

and even though the dreamies are glad “the parents” have made up 

they do that thing where they scream when y’all kiss, or show just general affection in front of them 

Chenle: “JISUNG IS STILL TOO YOUNG TO SEE THIS MONSTROSITY” 

Jeno: *covering Jisung’s eyes* “you’re the role models here, what type of example are you setting for us” 

Renjun: “happy for you, but ew” 

Doyoung: “I want new kids” 

anyways lots of warm hugs from Doyoung 

like full-on hugs—he doesn’t give half-ass hugs

(unless it’s to Donghyuk……… joking) 

that also means cuddling sessions for days 

You: “I need to pee” 

Doyoung: “................ just two more minutes” 

the mom in him is like super supportive 

like I’m talking ALL the banners and the pompoms 

also cheers with your name 

god he’s so embarrassing but you love him 

bro I’ll bet good money that he gonna start nagging you too 

but you know he means well 

cause even though he’s telling you to stop playing in the rain with the dreamies, nagging you about your procrastination on your work, or complaining about the messes you make 

you best believe that he’s gonna make you soup when you get sick, help you with your work, and help you clean up 

Doyoung: *telling you about how you need to dry your hair immediately after to prevent colds and headaches from occurring* 

also as he’s nagging, he’s got a towel and a hairdryer in his hands 

You: **heart eyes** “I love you” 

Doyoung: “you better, I’m not working this hard for you to die early” 

You: “jusT LOVE ME BACK” 

Doyoung: “so needy, I love you too idiot”

[jemej3m]

What Now? (p1)

where andrew and neil are single dads and their kids hate each other. 

 Neil hated the administrators. They sat at the front desk and looked up at him with enormous eyes, eyelashes fluttering as they asked: “What’cha lookin’ for, hon?” She smiled, almost beseechingly, as she stood. “Tour? I can show you around.”

“Actually,” He cleared his throat, pulling his sleeves down. “I’m here for Robin.”

The woman’s face turned sour, though she did her best to remain neutral “Right. You said you would be here a half hour ago, Mr Josten. The others have been waiting. Take a seat, I’ll let Headmaster Boyd know.” 

I’m sorry, Neil wanted to snap. That some stupid kid has managed to aggravate Robin and that I’m a full-time working single father. Jesus Christ, people were shallow. 

He dropped into a plastic chair, straightening his shirt again. His hair was still a little damp after his 30-second shower: Convincing his coach to leave practise early was never easy, but he was one of the few teammates with a kid. And the only one of that small group who parented alone. He probably had a few more concessions than the rest, but he couldn’t afford to spend them on shit like this. 

Opposite him was a broad-shouldered man, staring at him. Unimpressed. Did he recognise Neil? He hoped not. He wasn’t in the mood for a facade. The staring continued. Neil elected to ignore him in favour of looking at the ceiling. 

When Robin was shuffled out by her classroom teacher, Danielle Wilds, she gave Neil a sheepish look. He stood up and offered his hand, which she let rest on her head. Touch was still incredibly unfamiliar to both of them. “What’s this all about, Robin?”

She pointed to the bruise on her jaw. “I pushed him after he called me bad things. Then he punched me back!” 

Neil glowered. It didn’t explain why his adoptive daughter was getting in trouble. She could sense that he knew she was omitting details of the story, and hid behind his hip as they followed Danielle Wilds down the hall. 

Behind them, the blond man stood. He was shorter than Neil - a feat in itself, really - but it was as though Neil could feel needles stabbing into the back of his skull. He took Robin by the hand as he lead her into the headmaster’s office, and immediately observed his surroundings: The enormous glass window looking out over the school’s courtyard, where kids were dressed for phys-ed and playing with skipping ropes, the mahogany desk, the shelves of books, the trophies and certificates of achievement on the walls. Boyd had a picture of a young girl with wild, curly hair by his computer. The man in question was sitting relaxedly in his chair, tattoos visible through the white button-down, his cuffs loose and rolled to mid-forearm. His hair was spiked with gel, and 

There was a young boy, sitting opposite him. He had black hair and green eyes, looking nothing like the blond man who sat next to him. The son was probably getting close to his father’s height. Both of them wore distasteful sneers. Like father like son, Neil supposed.

“Can someone please tell me what’s going on?” Neil asked, when there had been too many moments of frigid silence. “Robin? Anyone? I’d like to know exactly why I’m here.”

“I’m sorry, Mr Josten --”

“Neil.” 

“Neil.” Boyd cleared his throat. “Robin and Kevin have been having some serious disagreements over the past few weeks. Neither seem willing to compromise, or come to an impasse. We usually like to guide students to conflict resolution, but this is getting out of hand. Isn’t it, Kevin?” He looked at the boy. “Robin?” Neil’s daughter withered under his look of disappointment. 

They both pointed at each other. “They started it!” 

“Kevin always tells me that I’m dumb and get all the answers wrong.” Robin wailed. “And he hides my pencils!”

“Robin scribbled in my maths scrapbook.” Kevin huffed. “Then she hid my completed spelling homework --”

“Wasn’t me!” 

“And then she put grapes in the bottom of my bag, and they’re all squishy!” 

“Are you sure that your own grapes didn’t spill, Kevin?” His father implored. 

“You’re very good at losing pencils, Robin.” Neil shook his head. “Maybe you’ve lost them?”

“No!” Both of them cried. 

Momentarily, Neil looked to the other father, and recognised the look of pure frustration furrowing the man’s brows. 

Boyd rested his elbows on his desk, clasping his fingers beneath his chin. “But is that why we’re here today?”

Both of the children quietened. 

“What the supervising teacher told me was that she saw Robin push Kevin, who hit her on the face.” He gestured to the bruise on Robin’s chin. “The other children said that Kevin was calling her names. I would like to reiterate that there is a strict, no-violence policy at this school, and would like you both to go home and think about the way you have behaved. Neil, Andrew: You should help them reflect and compose apology letters to one another. I’ll see you all tomorrow morning.”

Andrew glared daggers, standing abruptly and ushering his son out the door. Neil grabbed Robin by the shoulder and dragged her out. 

When they caught up to the other pair, Neil sniped: “Really appreciated being dragged in here, thanks.”

“Maybe butchering is a hereditary thing, hm?” Andrew examined his car-keys. They were sleek, an expensive model that Neil couldn’t possibly name. “Such a shame.” 

Neil fumed. Sensing Neil’s irritation, Andrew turned a blank look on him; Neil wondered how someone with such a void-like gaze could be a parent. 

“Let’s go home.” He murmured. Robin tucked herself into Neil’s side and they hurried out of the administration building together. 

Here’s how it goes:

Neil was almost 24, and coached Exy teams in Couth Carolina’s little league. He’d got out of his family’s criminal history through his Exy scholarship, but never taken it further. He hadn’t even really liked kids, but it was something to do.

Then, because Neil’s tragic existence seemed to be catastrophic for those around him, a car t-boned into a van outside his apartment. Neil, always running in the early hours of the morning, immediately rushed over. The sedan’s driver was a crumpled heap, blood splattered across the windscreen -- he most likely dead, so Neil ignored him. But there were screams coming from the back of the van, so he yanked the damaged door open. 

Bruised and bleeding, curled into the corner of the van, was Robin. She was thrown into the foster system as an infant, and was then kidnapped at the age of three. No one cared about a foster kid going missing. Her missing person’s file was practically non-existent, especially after 2 years. Robin had clambered into his arms as he pulled her out of the back of that van, and he hasn’t had a full night’s sleep since. 

Four years later, he’d set up a scholarship program in the little league, his daughter was making enemies at her new school, and Neil still didn’t regret a thing. 

Andrew sat in the car and thought about the best way to approach this. For Kevin’s sake, he would be a role-model. But every inch of that Josten had him wanting to clench his fists. Of course he knew of him: Exy had gotten him through college. The Josten scandal was everywhere: Leaving the Ravens for the Trojans, Jean Moreau quickly following suit, the Butcher of Baltimore, the Moriyamas, the FBI; Then, settling down to coach kids. That drama had to be almost a decade ago, though. Didn’t matter. Exy had never mattered to Andrew. His degree had also been second thought: His occupation was satisfying, but never thrilling. 

Having a kid, though. Jesus. 

Kevin was a handful and a half. He was brimming with energy and emotion, repressed anger and competitiveness creating a volatile reaction to most situations. Andrew had taken Kevin in after his mother’s death, his old exy coach, Wymack, being the father but being unable to, you know. Father. 

Andrew didn’t understand how the fuck he was meant to be any better. 

“I’m sorry, Andrew.” Kevin didn’t look that apologetic. “She’s just super annoying! And she wouldn’t shut up about how her dad’s team is the best, and she loves her dad, and he’s the best, and how she’s going to play Exy too. Exy, exy, exy. All the time! It drives me insane! She talks so loudly, too. And so much. She never shuts up.”

Andrew could read his son. “Usually people aren’t this successful at getting under your skin, Kevin.”

“I hate her!” He frowned, his lips puckering. It was stupidly adorable. Andrew hated the word adorable. “I really do, you know. She’s always teasing me about liking history and reading my books. She can’t even do maths!”

“Remember what I tell you, Kevin.” Andrew switched on the ignition and swerved out of his car-parking space. He searched for the flash of an expensive sportscar, of which would be presumedly Neil’s, but he couldn’t find one. 

“Be the better person so you can shove their own failures up their asses, I know.” Kevin drew his feet onto the dashboard but Andrew swatted them down.

“No feet on the dashboard.” He pointed at Kevin but the brat pushed his hand away, promptly sticking out his tongue. 

God, why did he decide to have kids?

Oh yeah. He didn’t. Right. 

(Still didn’t believe in regret, though.)

i hope this made sense! 

i just think itd be hilarious lmao imagine seeing a parent in the lobby and be like damn and then figure out that their kid and your kid hate each other

[traitor-boyfriend]

What is your honest opinion on Butters, as a character?

to me the case w butters is just really sad. over the years butters has gone from being exceptionally sweet and shy and gullible to being quite the bully. i know there’s a lot of argument about this – and butters has many faults of his own – but it’s really strange to see people demonize butters and think it has nothing to do w cartman, when butters’ personality evolution has a pretty direct correlation to how often and how many cartman/butters duo episodes there are. the more involved he’s been w cartman’s machinations, the more prominent those little details have become. and obviously this is not all about cartman but i think it’s the most significant.

butters isn’t really shown to have any real friends outside of stan, kyle, kenny, and cartman. in the earlier seasons all four of them were pretty mean little brats who included butters solely to take advantage of him but they’ve done a lot of changing since then. he apparently respects kenny quite a bit but they don’t interact a ton one-on-one beyond going native, and he’s mostly neutral toward stan and kyle. they defend butters when they see the others ganging up on him (albeit passively), but they act of their own volition and never go out of their way to include him and definitely view butters as something of an outsider in their group; cartman is the only one who really seems to want to be around butters. he doesn’t show butters much kindness or real concern (while cartman has, the occasions where he shows this w/out it being marred by something greater are few and far between) but butters is extremely loyal to cartman and cares a great deal for and about him. butters thinks cartman likes him, so he sticks by cartman, and i think a lot of cartman has in turn rubbed off on butters b/c of this. and this isn’t something that necessarily upsets me, either. whereas, say, season 5 butters and cartman could be considered foils (the case could be made to an extent that they still are) to each other they’re very much so mirror characters now. i think butters actually -is- what a lot of people think of cartman – just an isolated and traumatized kid w no one really looking out for him whose only manner of expressing it is by acting out

while liane certainly isn’t, like, a model of great parenting, she does provide very well for cartman. he has a relatively stable home life and for all her enabling she does want to see a change in cartman and his behavior and she does love him dearly. he has a level of personal autonomy and freedom that butters really doesn’t have. arguably butters has the most dysfunctional household (save for maybe kenny, but kenny certainly deals w his circumstances much better than butters). his father is a tyrannical evangelical patriarch and his mother mostly defers to him in the archetypal wait-till-your-father-gets-home kind of manner. neither of them are all too concerned about him for the most part; there’s an entire episode where linda attempts to murder him and the two conspire together to cover it up for the sake of their marriage. butters obviously has a lot of latent resentment for stephen; in the magic bush, when he’s convinced he’s in a simulation and can act however he wants w impunity, the first thing he does is physically assault his dad. being punished so often and so severely for what is almost always the most minor and insignificant of offenses. while cartman often perceives himself as being persecuted by liane – or anyone, really – for no reason beyond his own delusions, butters actually is being unfairly punished. there’s also butters’ extremely abusive grandmother; there really is nowhere for butters to escape. he suffers a lot of overt and implied abuse – verbal, emotional, physical, sexual etc.

looking at the evolution of his alter ego of professor chaos is interesting too. his first couple of appearances have him as just some bumbling wannabe villain but all his little schemes are really juvenile and innocent and comically ill-conceived – just seems a harmless outlet for the frustration and anger butters internalizes. time goes on and you see butters using it as an actual opportunity to carry out schemes w substantial thought (though they always soon fall apart) w intent to do, y’know, actual bad things. and i think the most recent few seasons really lean into butters embracing his role as a ‘villain’ of sorts; burning down the school, the whole wieners out thing, etc. butters can be really mean-spirited now, selfish and inconsiderate of the feelings of others whereas that is totally unlike, say, season 5 butters, who is always willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt and treat them w kindess regardless of if they’re deserving of it or not. he’s capable of real violence and real vindictiveness when before they were only fantasy

butters is extremely naive and trusting and while that makes him a wonderful character to sympathize w it also makes him the perfect victim to cartman’s manipulation. and repeat manipulation like that ultimately becomes conditioning. this is most evident i think in the way butters treats kyle; he seems to dislike kyle significantly more than he does stan even though there’s no real reason for him to and i don’t think there’s really any way to argue against the fact that it’s b/c he constantly has cartman buzzing in his ear. cartman very often uses butters as his lackey in tormenting kyle, and on several occasions has butters entertain the use of antisemitism to get under his skin to the point where butters, after having played along w/out any genuine malice or real awareness of what he’s saying, no longer needs cartman to coach him in how to do it. butters has made several underhanded slights about kyle being jewish all on his own (pretty sure there was even one in the catholic church episode this season when kyle tells him no one wants to hear about jesus at a birthday party and butters says something to the effect of “well, of course you don’t.”) butters is also a character w a lot of unexpressed anger, so when the final button is pushed he tends to explode, and pretty badly at that.

the most interesting thing to me as of late is that butters is able to operate independent of cartman now in his own schemes and plots. butters used to be extremely timid and would avoid confrontation of any kind, while butters currently has no problem making himself and his opinions heard and doesn’t crumble when he finds himself in a capricious spotlight. cartman has emboldened a lot of confidence in butters.

so you have butters routinely ostracized and abused by his family, his peers, and the people who are supposed to be his friends. if they’re not the ones doing it, they’re looking the other way. his hyper-empathetic nature and unwavering trust in others has only betrayed him and the only person who shows him any sort of attention is often only looking to get something out of it, so he’s leaned into that now. basically my summation of butters’ character now as opposed to when he first began to get regular screen time is that, as the saying goes, a hit dog will holler

[doubleddenden]

I beat the Knights of Seiros path in 3 Houses. Jesus christ. Close to 90 hours for ONE path. And as far as I know there's 4.

The final boss, without spoiling too much, is SO BEEFY. I barely beat it with 3 units alive over the course of 26 turns. Which is amazing because I'm going to go back and save scum just to see the marriage options for my 9 other girls and 2 guys.

I ended up marrying Bernadetta first mostly so I could have a different ending than my friend who was going to marry Dorothea. I feel like Bernie deserved a happy ending that didn't involve facing down her abusive dad.

Now I have to fight that boss again to marry Dorothea, Petra, Mercedes, Annette, Lysithea, Leonie, Shamir, Catharine, Flayn, Lindhart, and... Alois, even though he is a married man? Has a daughter? Don't know how that's going to work but okay, I'm sickened but curious.

And to get to the others I'm just going to have to do the other paths. No telling how many more there are. Guhhhh.

But story wise? Holy shit this was a RIDE. At first it started generic, but then, THEN shit started hitting the fan right about halfway through. The last few months in this particular path especially WENT PLACES I wasn't ready for at all. The last three boss fights I kept asking "is this it?" THEN SOMETHING ELSE HAPPENED. It's tedious gameplay wise in that regard but story wise it was decent.

So, some things I like about this game vs the other Fire emblem games I've played, so like 3 of them:

I really love the freedom to make each character whatever you want stat and weapon wise, and class wise too. Sure some are better suited than others for some roles, but ultimately if you manage your time right you basically have a huge variety to play with.

Supports in this game feel a lot more natural than the other games that have them. I recall in Awakening just sending Chrom and Olivia to a corner so she could lap dance her way to marriage, or just have Gaius and Tharja pal around for a few battles until Noire was born. This feels like you have had the time to watch each character grow and get to know them, and the S ranks are so rewarding being an end game deal rather than "hey so uh we both like legos, wanna get hitched?" "Fuck yeah, Robin". You get to see feelings develop and mature and you genuinely get attached, and the supports actually reveal some pretty important plot stuff!

Paralogues being plot expansive and not just side to dos are actually interesting! Like when I found out who Death Knight was, I was in so much shock! Plus you get some cool stuff from them too.

Everything is voice acted. Everything. Thank. God. I cannot READ half the time.

There's so much shit to do in the monastery. Like I can plant shit, I can go fishing, I can grab a bite with friends, I can cook with a friend, I can sing in a choir, I can do church confessions, I can have tea time, I can increase my own stats by hanging out with instructors, there's just so much and I love it.

The music is so good. Just. God I need a cigarette after the main theme.

Now, the bad

It really needs an "optimize equipment" button like other rpg's. Just click, okay cool got the right equipment

The monestary has a lot to do but there's also just wasted space. Like okay, the saunas are here, there's also just these empty rooms and an entirely unused terrace, and getting around can be a pain even with fast travel.

Some models need more physics attached to their clothes. Manuella's robes shouldn't be Garchomp find for crying out loud. That and there's a noticeable amount of clipping that really irks me, especially during tea time when their sleeves just go through the table.

Textures need a bit more updating because I can see artifacts on some of the character's clothes or hair and it's kind if distracting for an HD console title.

I kind of find it dumb that some supports are just gone if you don't get to them in time. Felix joined my house out of the blue at the LAST second before the time skip and I've apparently missed the C rank opportunity, same with Rhea part way through part 1. Like just have a "flashback to that one time when Felix found a dog" if its THAT time sensitive.

There's just so many days that go unused that could've been used for class or rest or something. Like I even talked to a character once and with no warning basically was forced between skipping a week or skipping a month.

I miss the older pair up system where you can have two characters on the field pair together and actually be stronger and build up support, and swap between the two if you need to. The adjunct system just isn't as good beyond babysitting a character to help them level up.

Other than that I really like it story wise and LOVE just how cram packed this is with content. This feels like it's worth the price you pay.

9/10, easily my favorite game of the year.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #382

Top Ten Fictional Children

Phew, just sneaking this one in under the wire, aren’t I? It’s almost not the weekend! But it’s still Sunday, I promise!

So, quickly: in honour of two different things, I hereby celebrate fictitious children. Kids from off of films, TV, books, comics… kids who epitomise what it means to be a kid but also loads more besides. My favourite children from the world of the not-quite-real.

This is because kids have been on my mind a lot lately! For a start, this week just gone saw the birthday of one of my own progeny, with her birthday party held (as I type) yesterday. And next week sees this year’s groovy Children’s Media Conference, an annual shindig celebrating all that’s good and great about the storied world of children’s media. Once again I will be producing a session, this time featuring top vlogger and all-round brilliant person Nikki Lilly – who, as well as fronting a successful YouTube channel, multiple TV shows, and dealing with a severe illness – is, herself, a child. See, it all links!

I’ve tried to limit this to kids who feel like kids, rather than older teenagers. So even though technically they’re probably meant to be children, I’ve excluded people like Buffy and Willow, Will Smith’s Fresh Prince, and even Peter Parker because – whilst he’s canonically 15 when he becomes Spider-Man – we follow him through adulthood so he never quite seems like a kid to me.

Anyway, here we go: top ten teen tearaways (well, some are pre-teen, but you know how I love my alliteration). Check it out, you crazy kids!

Robin (Batman comics, from 1940): already dicking with the formula (see what I did there?), Robin here represents all Robins and what they themselves represent – the wish-fulfilment dream of a kid being part of Batman’s world, the sunny optimism contrasted with the Dark Knight, a dose of bright red and green fun in a world of dour greys, and above all else, Batman’s capacity to engender hope from the grimmest of surroundings. Robin is Batman’s triumph in a world of horror and crime, the promise that tomorrow is better, and even if Batman himself believes he cannot be a part of it, here is this one child he’s saved who will be. Robin is why I love Batman.

Matilda Wormwood (Matilda, Roald Dahl, 1988): quietly heroic, supremely brainy, proof that good nature trumps bad upbringing.

Coraline Jones (Coraline, Neil Gaiman, 2002): snark and childish selfishness contrasted with resigned heroism, Coraline is almost Neil Gaiman’s spin on Matilda.

Lisa Simpson (Yeardly Smith, The Simpsons, from 1987): intelligence weaponised, she’s like Matilda without the superpowers, although as a result (and because she exists in an ongoing serial) she lacks some of Matilda’s heroic edges. Hilarious and smart, what can I say? Clearly the best Simpson.

Wednesday Addams (Christina Ricci, The Addams Family films, 1991-1993): genuinely surprised she’s this low, Wednesday – as portrayed in Jesus-Christ-how-did-she-not-win-an-Oscar-for-this fashion by Ricci, is a pitch black river of acidic deadpan sarcasm, monotone hilarity running like an oil slick down the screen. One of the greatest ever performances by a child actor.

Mathilda Lando (Natalie Portman, Leon, 1995): oh, and here’s another one. Heart and warmth beneath a foul-mouthed spiky shell, Mathilda-with-an-h is an awkward and multi-faceted lead, half cool crime movie femme fatale-in-training, half angry part open wound. It’s the least surprising thing ever that Portman became a huge star.

John Connor (Edward Furlong, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, 1991): pretty much the person I wanted to be in the ‘90s, here was an angry, arsey punk kid with great hair (er, for the ‘90s), a sweet bike, and some kind of weird Atari pocket organiser that could hack into ATMs. He got to have badass Sarah Connor for a mum, and Arnie for a surrogate dad.

Emily Brown (Emily Brown series, Cressida Cowell, from 2006): a role model for young kids everywhere, Emily is loyal to her friends, blessed with a supreme imagination, goes to extreme lengths to make everyone happy, but is also one tough cookie not afraid to stand up to Things or Queens or anyone, really. We could all do with an Emily Brown in our lives.

Mei Kusakabe (Elle Fanning, My Neighbour Totoro, 1988): pretty much the defining depiction of infancy committed to screen, Mei is hilarious, petulant, arsey, and more. Despite being animated, she’s supremely realistic and helps sell the tale of Totoro. Great performance by Fanning in the 2005 dub, too.

Christopher Robin (Winnie-the-Pooh series, AA Milne, 1926-1928): like Mei, Christopher Robin is one of the great depictions of young childhood. We see the boy at play, witness the fruits of his childish imagination, Milne’s seminal tale perfectly capturing the experience of infancy. As he leaves, acknowledging to Pooh that he’s going to grow up and move away from childish things, it is a tragic but inevitable step in his development. Christopher Robin is a beautiful rendering of childhood in action.

There we are. There could have been more. The unrelenting casual heroism of Ash Ketchum; the definitive naughtiness of Dennis the Menace (Beano vintage, natch); Short Round playing Robin to Indy’s Batman; Lyra Belacqua, who is just fantastic in a whole heap of ways; David from A.I.; Elliot from E.T.; Eleven, Danny Torrance, Superboy, Harry, Ron, and Hermione… I could go on.

[ninequestions9]

Oliver Pt. 2: Post-Monastery, 26, Receptionist

What is the biggest frustration you’re facing now?

Figuring out what I want to do with my life. Trying to figure out next steps. Just trying to figure out what actually truly makes me happy and where I see my career going.

2. What trait do you wish you most had?

See, it’s really easy for me to answer and say what traits I wish I didn’t have. I wish that my brain didn’t read into things so much immediately. My brain has just been trained at this point to jump to the worst possible solution and feeling the need to plan and always be anticipating things. I wish that I could just be calm. I wish I could just chill out. I think it’s due to a combination of ADHD and anxiety. I spent a really long time feeling like I had to plan for every worst case scenario and always know where I’m going, always know what my plan is for my life. Now I’m at the stage where I’ve realized that everything that I’ve tried to plan for has not actually happened. So I spent all that time worrying. I’ve wasted a lot of time being so wrapped up in my head and trying to anticipate things and it came at the cost of not enjoying a portion of my life. That’s been a major focus of mine recently, just trying to just chill.

3. What are 3 characteristics you look for in a friend?

Compassion. Discernment. Love. Compassion and love are similar, but they’re not the same thing. I don’t really want to surround myself with un-compassionate people. I’ve done that a lot and that’s not an enjoyable way to live. In terms of discernment, I need people in my life who can recognize the nuance of situations and the nuance of being human. I’ve spent a lot of time exerting myself and trying to get people who I love to see the nuance in my actions and their actions and the world. It’s not been a waste of my energy, but it’s not been enjoyable. It hasn’t really worked. As someone who’s tried to cultivate that in themselves and not just been black and white and not automatically jump to conclusions, I think it’s an important quality to have as you get older. Love in general. If love and light and kindness is not your first priority then what’s the point? Our world’s gunna be on fire in 30 years. They came out with a report saying “Human Civilization is Probably Going to end by 2050.” We have 30 years left, just be fucking nice. Just be nice.

4. What makes you feel brave?

Myself. My time at the monastery taught me that I can pretty much do anything. There were times there where I just wanted to leave and I thought I was going to leave. I was miserable, I was hungry, I was tired, I was not happy. I was dealing with all this trauma and all these torture techniques. Sleep deprivation and malnourishment are literal torture techniques. I was dealing with all of that plus my own shit. I still stayed and nobody thought that I would. People did not think that I was going to make it to the end, but I did. Part of it was just pure spite. I posted about it on Facebook after two weeks and I was like “Well, crap I guess now I really do have to stay.” I’m really glad I did because I have really bad sleep issues. I had a really terrible relationship with sleep and food before I left for the monastery. Then I spent a month getting up at 4:00AM and just eating what I was told to eat. Getting through those really difficult circumstances taught me that even when I think I can’t do it, I really can. I’ve never had that experience before.

5. What makes you feel vulnerable?

My anxiety. I post everything that’s happened in the past few months. My social anxiety has sky rocketed. I have a really hard time spending time around people in general and spending time around my friends. After all the shit hit the fan in my life and finding out that the people who I did trust and love more than anybody else, I thought trusted and loved me. Then finding out they had no idea who I was. I’m constantly analyzing my actions and worrying about what people are thinking of me. I did that before, but it’s over the top now. It’s something I’m working on, but it’s a real struggle for me. I know that in order to get over it, I just have to deal with it. I just have to put myself in these situations. I’m not just gunna stop hanging out with my friends. At the same time, sometimes I just need to step away because I’m just going to have a panic attack. I think I’m going to find out later that I did something that pissed somebody off and nobody’s going to tell me.

6. What was your proudest moment?

Finishing the monastery. I didn’t think that I was going to finish it. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There were several moments where I nearly packed up and left. That fact that I was able to get through that and just power through despite everything that I was dealing with and come out on the other side just as a better person and more secure in who I was and knowing who I was, that was a big deal. It was a real adventure in a lot of ways and mostly because I got to see who I was for the first time. It was very powerful, but also so so hard. The fact that I was able to get through that was definitely one of the defining moments for me so far.

7. Who is your role model / hero and why?

Still my dad. He and I really connect on a wave length that I don’t connect with other people on. When I was away, he would send me letters just little cards and he would put some sort of Buddhist saying or some advice and they would always come at the right time. He was about to send me one for the last week and it was the silent week and we weren’t allowed to receive any mail. So he gave it to me afterward and he was like “This is the letter I was going to send you at the monastery. You’re only allowed to open it after you finish a really deep meditation session.” So I was like, cool, that will push me to actually doing one. So after two weeks of doing little 15 minute meditations, I sat down and did a full 35 minute sit and I opened the letter and it was blank. I was like, ok. It can be interpreted in anyway that you want to interpret it. There’s a thousand different things he could have put on that, but that fill in the blank did speak to me. It was a very cool moment.

8. What is one life lesson you’d like to pass down to future generations?

Put your phone down. You really don’t need it as much as you think you do. It’s actually ruining your life. You’re not enjoying yourself and you know it. You’re not getting what you think you’re getting out of it. It’s literally ruining your life. For the first week at the monastery, I was really good at not having my phone. The last few weeks I was a little bit worse with like sneaking into the bathroom and checking my phone. I really wish that I hadn’t. I almost feel like I would have gotten more out of it. When you’re forced to just sit and be with yourself and just sit in nature and just look and pay attention to the people around you, what’s going on in your head, etc. We’re not in touch with who we are as people. We’re not in touch with the world. We’re not in touch with nature. I don’t want to be anti-technology because yes, there’s good things about it, but we’re so very much abusing it. I see it in my niece and nephew where they don’t know a life without their electronics. They spend most of their life on a screen. That’s all they do. They don’t know any better. You can’t blame them. They’re not happy. They’re not happy kids. I’ll just be on my phone here since coming back and I’ll just be refreshing different apps and just scrolling through and I know I’m not enjoying what I’m going. I just can’t stop. I know that that’s not just me. It’s gunna continue to become more and more of a problem. So I wish that we were just more aware as a society of the dangers of technology and what this is doing to us as people and what it’s doing to our brains. It’s not good. We’re not a happy society and a lot of that is because of the access to technology.

9. What is your opinion of Jesus?

He’s cool. He’s pretty cool. I think he and Buddha would get along. There’s actually an anime where Jesus and Buddha are roommates. They decide to take a vacation to Japan together. Like, they’re deities. They’re Jesus and Buddha and they just met and they’re like “Yeah, let’s go on vacation.” And the first thing they do is go to Disneyland! Tokyo Disney Sea! That’s the first thing they do and it’s hilarious! They get along and they’re super chill. There’s funny little moments where the cultures mesh and don’t work, but it’s very funny. They’re both pretty cool.

[traviswritesaboutstuff-blog]

A Letter to my Father on the Eve of Your Wedding - 8/30/18

I’ll be your best man tomorrow. It’s a funny thought, really, because frankly I can’t even remember the last time I saw you. Christmas probably. Maybe Easter. You were never in my life. You left when I was young - not even a year old. Growing up, it was just my mom and me, and, to be honest, that’s all I needed.

The story I was given as a kid is that you left because you couldn’t handle the pressure of raising a kid. It was all too much for you. After all, you were practically a kid yourself - barely nineteen. So not long after I was born, you packed your stuff, and you left, and you never looked back. Not for Mom, and not for me. Of course it would have been easy to leave Mom. You weren’t married, there wasn’t an estate to divide up or papers to file. But what I struggled with most as a child was how you could possibly have looked at me - a sickly baby, going into surgery just twenty-four hours after birth - and think, “This child will be okay without me.”

The real story emerged when I got a little older, maybe fourteen or fifteen or so. Mom caught you in a lie. You had said you were going out of town for work, would be gone for only a few days. I don’t know how she uncovered the truth, but she did, and she knew you were cheating. She was at home looking after a six-month-old with spina bifida and you were one town away in bed with some woman that you worked with.

I never really felt your absence much growing up. Mom and me got by on our own for the first few years, and then she married another man, and he was good to me - to us. Of course, good things never last, but he was a good man for fourteen years, and then suddenly he was not so good. But that is another story for another letter. I never felt your absence because you left when I was young, and so I never really knew what it felt like to have your presence. I see you once or twice a year - Christmas and funerals - and, frankly, that was enough for me for a long time. But then I got to high school and it became obvious that other boys had a strong bond with their old man. He taught them to fish or to hunt, how to curse and drink beer, how to treat women and how to be a man. Those are lessons I never learned from you, and so I had to go without or had to learn them elsewhere.

Jesus Christ, I am like the poster child for every conservative Christian who thinks the lack of a strong male role model makes a boy gay. I’m gay, dad. I don’t think I’ve ever told you. And honestly, I don’t know if you not being around made me gay or if I was destined to be gay from conception or what, and I don’t really care because the fact remains: I am gay, and I don’t know how to fish, and I don’t know how to hunt, and I had to learn how to curse and drink on my own so I do a little too much of both, but then again, maybe you do too, but I have no way of knowing because I don’t know you, not really.

I’ll be your best man tomorrow, and it’s kind of a funny thought because I am the best man. I am sitting here writing you this letter at twenty years old, only a year older than you were when I was born, and I am the better man. And you taught me how to be that. Because you left, I learned how to take care of a family. Because you left, I learned how to be self sufficient. Because you left, I learned that I can never rely on other people to do the tasks assigned to them, and because you left I learned how to treat other people with respect and kindness because you never know what’s going on at home. Because you left, I am a better man than you ever were, and I am a better man that you will ever be, and it took me twenty goddamned years to realize it, but it feels so good.

I’ll be your best man tomorrow, standing beside you, holding your rings, watching you make promises that you probably won’t keep to a woman who is better than you deserve. But here’s the thing: I wish you well. Honestly. From the bottom of my very soul and being, I wish you nothing but the best. I wish you all of the love and the joy and the happiness that life has to offer, not because you deserve it or because you’ve earned it, but because that is the good and the kind and the respectful thing to do. You taught me that.

Treat you new wife right. Treat your two young sons with respect. They deserve it. This is your second chance. Don’t blow it.