#jesper is struggling

[9firefly9]

I’m trying!

Kaz is trying to explain what the plan is for their new heist to Jesper. Jesper has ADHD. He’s trying to listen, really he is, but he can’t focus. Kaz is getting frustrated with Jesper, but realizes that he’s struggling and thinks of an idea to help him focus and understand the plan better. To help him visualize it.

Kaz called us together to talk about a heist he plans to make us do later this afternoon. I was a little annoyed when I’d heard this because I had had other plans. Plans which involved me, Wylan and a comfy bed. Instead I’m standing here trying my hardest to listen to Kaz’s plan and failing miserably.

I could see Kaz’s mouth moving, I could hear him but everything sounded muffled and muddled together. I was trying so hard to listen, but my mind just kept wandering! No matter how hard I try I can’t keep my attention on Kaz.

Wylan keeps drumming his fingers against a nearby table. The sound keeps catching my attention, I recognize the tune but I can’t place it. I think it was something I heard a long time ago, but I can’t remember when. I wonder if-

“Jesper.”

I snapped my head up from where it had been turned, looking at Wylan’s hands. My eyes looking wildly at Kaz from having been startled by his voice.

“Pay attention. This is important.” He said, annoyance clear in his voice. I forced myself not to scoff. If only I could pay attention. If I could figure out how to get myself to do that I’d do that in a heartbeat! I internally laugh at myself, a bitter feeling filling up inside my stomach.

I shake my head, trying to clear all the thoughts from it. I tried to bring my attention back to what was being said. Suddenly Nina started talking. “What if… climbing… die?” I couldn’t make out everyone she said but the sudden talk of death snapped my attention back like a stretched out band suddenly being let go of and snapping together. ‘Die’. That didn’t sound good. I really don’t want to die.

“Nobody is going to die. Don’t be dramatic. Besides if you do, that’s not my problem.” Kaz answered rolling his eyes.

Oh. I mentally shrug my shoulders, trusting Kaz not to let us die. If Kaz says we’re not going to die, then we’re not going to die. As the conversation moves away from death my attention starts drifting back to a noise that has been rattling in my brain since it started.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

Tap-tap. Tap. Tap-tap.

I look back over at Wylan and see that he’s still drumming the tune on the table. OH! I figured out what the song was! I used to hear that tune coming from a church near where I used to live as a child. How I understood that’s what Wylan was drumming I have no idea. I start listening harder. Maybe I just wanted it to be something familiar. I suppose It’s highly possible that he’s not actually playing that tune and I just wanted to hear it. Wha-

“Jesper!” Kaz’s voice rang through out the room. I quickly look over at Kaz, my eyes wide. What had I been doing wrong? All I was doing was thinki- oh. I had been thinking instead of listening.

“Jesper, is it really too much for me to ask you to listen to the plan? I know you think you have better things you could be doing right now, but believe it or not you’re going to regret it later when you realize what I’m saying right now is important. So pay attention!”

I feel my eyes begin to water with frustration. I wish I COULD pay attention! That’s all I want! I realize I’m looking down at my feet. When did I do that? I look back up at Kaz and find that when our eyes meet I can’t bring myself to hold his gaze.

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I look back over at Wylan’s fingers and back over at Kaz. Saints! I wish I could just listen! I wish I was more like other people!

Suddenly Kaz’s eyes widen. Not by much but if you knew Kaz as well as I do, you would have seen it too. He then walked over to a desk in the room that was pushed up against a wall and pulled open one of its drawers. He reached in and grabbed a paper from inside it. Then walked over to the table that Wylan had been tapping his fingers on. He gestured for everyone to gather around the table. When everyone had moved themselves towards the table Kaz signalled for me to come closer to him. Unsure of what was happening I took a weary step forward, then another, then another, until I was finally standing beside him.

I saw Kaz raise an eyebrow at me before rolling his eyes and looking down at the paper. He was scowling at the paper, as though he was trying to piece together a puzzle. Finally after a moment he stood up straight and walked back to the desk. He opened a different drawer this time and I saw that this drawer was filled with pens, pencils, highlighters and pencil crayons. I watched as Kaz’s scowl deepened as he stared at the disorganized drawer, before he picked up a handful of highlighters.

I watched in utter astonishment. What on earth did Kaz (Dirtyhands) Brekker need highlighters for? I raised an eyebrow at him in question but he ignored it. He set the highlighters on the table beside the paper.

“Jesper, watch.” Was all he said before he began... drawing? I looked over at the paper and saw above each of his sloppy drawings he had wrote ‘step 1, step 2, step 3’ then on the sides of his drawings he began writing vigorously. When he was finished he looked over at me expectantly. “The drawings are… nice?” I offered, unsure of what else to say. Kaz groaned in annoyance.

“You see these colours?” He asked holding up the highlighters. I stared at them for a minute before nodding. He then popped off the caps of each highlighter and pressed them to the paper, drawing a small line with each colour. “Purple,” Kaz said “is Inej.” And beside that line of colour he took a pencil and wrote her name. “You are the red.” He then wrote my name beside the red line. He proceeded to do this for everyone in the room before looking up at me, almost as if to see if I was listening. When he saw I was, he nodded, then he took the green highlighter (Nina’s colour) and highlighted a sentence beside a drawing of a girl in a sexy outfit in front of two men. The sentence above it said ‘Distract guards.’

“Nina will make an outfit that is sexually appealing and try to distract the guards with a flirtatious attitude.” Kaz said staring at me with no sign of ever looking away. It was a little unsettling. “Wylan will then come up behind them and place a bomb by the locked door. The guards won’t have anytime to stop it. Nina will then knock out the guards.” He explained, finally looking away from me and highlighting a paragraph above a picture of a boy crouched down near a large door in light blue (Wylan’s colour) with the same girl from the last picture standing in front of two men (the guards), he highlighted her role again in green.

“Now do I have to go over the entire thing or has your brain finally fished itself out of the gutter?” Kaz said glaring at me, but I knew there was no real heat in his eyes. “N- no, I’m good now.” I said quickly and watched as the tension seemed to flood out of his body. He quickly picked up the highlighters and highlighted the rest of the sentences and paragraphs different colours, then aggressively flung the paper over to me. I fumbled to catch the paper as it flipped and twisted in the air.

As I straightened the paper and read over everything I realized I actually understood what it was saying. I actually understand the plan! I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I can understand this! It isn’t hard to read! My eyes aren’t becoming blurry as I lose focus, this is SO easy to understand! It doesn’t feel like work, not the way listening had felt.

I look up and see Kaz staring at me. I smile at him in thanks. The corner of his mouth twists upwards for a second before quickly turning into a frown as Kaz looks away, refusing to look at me. I feel warmth spread all through my chest at the realization that he helped me. That he wanted to help me. I stare down at the paper in my hands. Yes, the drawings on it were hideous and the handwriting was rushed, but I know that this isn’t something I will ever throw out.

Later in the day when I go back home I find some tape and hold the paper in my left hand against the wall, while my right hand taped the corners of the paper. When I’m finished I take a step back.

It’s perfect.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Hello I’m drunk and thinking about six of crows agaiiiiin (why is this a recurring phenomena???? Ah well can’t complain this has happened like twice now?? That’s not too bad tbf)

I’ve had a lot of Soc related dreams in my time fun fact

Anyway

Do you guys ever think about the fact that Wylan had precious few memories of his mother?? Even though he lost her at a similar age to Jesper, who remembers his mother clearly?? To Kaz losing his Da, who he’s implied to remember well?? (I have more thoughts on Kaz’s active choice to bury those memories and his freaking constant parallels to Matthias but that’s no relevant right this second)

Do you ever think about that in conjunction to Wylan being taken abroad and “everywhere” with his father all the time?? Bc sometimes I imagine Marya standing up to Van Eck in attempts to defend Wylan and I don’t imagine that was the only time she stood up to him (her defending Wylan is probably part of why he sent her away) and I wonder whether since we know she was probably not safe in her marriage (and probably didn’t chose it based on what we know of Alys and how the Kerch patriarchal system works) and I wonder whether to some degree Van Eck separated her from Wylan as some kind of effed up punishment for standing up to him because Wylan had very clear memories of going away w his father and is implied to have some kind of photographic/eidetic memory like Kaz in the whole card counting thingy so why would he have so few memories of his mother if not because he was actively kept away from her during those periods that he still has clear memories of?? Idk but ultimately van eck is a skiv and I wouldn’t put it past him to punish Marya by separating her from Wylan and like he wouldn’t out rightly state it but they both knew that was what he was doing yk??? Anyway that’s just a theory I have

I need to go to sleep

[kazscrows]

Kaz: It’ll give me some comfort to know that you’re there with me in the shadows.

Inej: I wouldn’t miss it.

Inej: *misses it*

Me:

[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

Jesper complicated relationship with his own existence Fahey my beloved 💕

[winters-rose-daughterofcain]

Me? Writing a fic about Marya Van Eck? More likely than you'd think.

{Peep into the google docs there whoops}

Inspired by @aphroditestummyrolls moodboard for her because it was ~perfection~

[jackwolfes]

52 “can I kiss you” (like dream world ship is Matthias/Kaz but if you don’t ship that) Kaz/Wylan or Kaz/Jes

“can I kiss you” Prompts: [1] [2]

Hatred and respect are brothers in arms. Their tired boots tread the same path with unerring conviction, neither worth their salt if they were to bend from the rigidity that has fuelled them thus far. 

Too many times, Matthias has found, it has led to nothing but crossed wires. Still, he persists, and that might just be how he finds himself here. 

For all this demjin is smaller than he is, the presence of something dangerously dark sloughing off his frame keeps Matthias pinned against the barren wall of his ridiculous bedroom. Ineffably, it angers him, which is another barb-edged cousin to hate. He exhales, letting it go. Now is not the moment for anger, nor for fear. 

“Let me,” Matthias says, speaking through clenched teeth. With irritating slowness and a smugly entertained look in his dark eyes, Kaz raises a single eyebrow. 

“Let you what?” His voice slips out of his lying lips with saccharine slowness like a taunt. 

The iron forge of his own will is all Matthias has, so he exhales through his nose and puts all his focus into not shoving the man into a wall. Kaz probably has some trick up his sleeve to slip through, should Matthias try anything. 

“You said you would do this for me.”

“I say a lot of things, Helvar.” His raspy voice caresses the shell of his ear, stroking taunting fingers down the hard line of his jaw. “What do you want me to let you do?” 

Matthias shuts his eyes. Humiliation, a fourth companion. He’d deny finding it pleasurable in any regard, but that would make him a liar. Every surging feeling he’s identified in his chest tonight brings satisfaction to him, somehow. 

He measures out the words in his head, divorcing himself from the meaning of them — the heavy, smouldering want — and speaks.

“Let me kiss you.”

Kaz laughs. It is sharp and hateful with neither anger nor respect but plenty of mockery, and Matthias aches with it. Then his arm is being twisted round his back and his knee is being kicked, sending him to the floor with a heavy thud. 

Pain explodes outward from where his knee made impact with the worn old floor. A gloved hand shoves through his hair, longer with the years and easy to pull. Matthias bites his tongue before he can cry out; denied, mortified, and hard in his trousers. 

“Be polite, Helvar.” 

I hate him, he thinks, but it is the flowering haze of respect starting to take root in his stomach, and he knows it. 

“I will not beg,” he replies. 

He’s certain that Kaz knows as well as he does that that’s a lie.

[servantleverslutdrop]

If we are getting a SOC3, I really do want to see the Jesper Kaz relationship outside of Kaz being angry at Jesper and punishing him. I want to see the bestie moments. I want to see Jesper angry with Kaz. I want to see them joke around, fight and make up, save each other. Jesper was able to move on from his unrequited crush on Kaz with Wylan (which is what he deservesss), and Kaz showed his hand with how much he really cares for Jesper in CK, but I still want a sense of reconciliation between the two, after the years of hurt caused by Kaz's distance and casual cruelty.

[dekupalace]

one thing about me is I Will make a playlist. this is an ongoing threat and there is no stopping me

[madeleinefjall]

I'm just thinking about them.

[five-of-cr]

happy pride month remember trans rights are human rights and no cops at pride and rainbow capitalism is a scam!! ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

[sylv3onpropaganda]

what i think six of crows characters would listen to!

kaz 

kaz doesn’t listen to music often, but he ALWAYS listens to whatever inej said she’s listening to currently but never admits it 

he probably like the arctic monkeys and the neighborhood

maybe cage the elephant is somewhere in there 

(i’m struggling with this 1)

inej 

inej really likes those “your laying  in a fantasy forest with deers and robins circling you” type music

what i mean by that : hozier, tamino, florence and the machine

taylor swift is there too but she isnt her favorite 

she really likes the albums “ceremonials, lungs, wasteland baby, folklore, eat your young ep, red tv” 

nina 

nina LOVES taylor swift 

esp: RED TV. NINA LOVES RED TV! lover, fearless, 1989, reputation, speak now 

she adores coco and clair clair (says the lyrics resonate with her soul and body) 

likes lady gaga (poker face, judas, government hooker, guy)

also really likes lungs by florence and the machine!! nerds out w inej about them all the time 

wylan 

david bowie 

he’d like norman fucking rockwell by lana del rey and did you know that there’s a tunnel under ocean boulevard and chemtrails over the country club 

likes taylor swift but pretty much only listens to folklore and evermore 

also likes florence and the machine !!!!! he likes dance fever and how big how blue how beautiful 

daisy jones and the six 

matthias 

he listens to weird as shit fjerdan folk songs

he bumps the fjerdan national anthem every day of the week 

nina bullies him 

jesper 

coco and clair clair

cruel summer by taylor swift 

HE LOOOOOOVES BRITNEY SPEARS!!!! circus is one of his faves he loves “in the zone”

paramore

he and nina talk about how every coco and clair clair song is written about them 

likes a little bit of everything honestly 

abba obsessed

[brionysea]

kaz: *brooding about how the waitress spilled tea on him and sent him into a panic attack*

jesper: it's as if i KNOW you o.o

kaz: *tries not to smile*

[crowshoots]

btw for any gang meetings/skirmishes that let second hands/lieutenants talk. jesper has the most nonsensical annoying add-ons to kaz's jabs. i know every other leader+lieutenant hates tackling them together bc jesper purposefully does it to aggravate them

[lady-a-stuff]

Thinking about how Jesper made peace with who he is in season 2 and he's like I wanna live this and i don't hide who I am but then his father arrives to Ketterdam and what if he feel the need to hide this from him because he doesn't want to disappoint his father? Like imagine you fully accept who you are but you have to hide this fact from someone you love because is them that don't accept who you are?

[astrhae]

🍍 What kind of AUs do you like? Are there any AUs you hate or just generally have beef with?

thank you for asking 💙 i'll write any AU that allows me to masquerade the fic as an AU when actually it's a 20k character study and an essay on the meaning of life akdkssdk (my wesper hanahaki AU is a prime example of this)

i've been told that i'm incapable of writing a simple AU fic: as much as i love reading fics where an AU is just a different way to get two characters to kiss, i'm drawn to writing AUs where the AU can act as a tool to crack a character open in ways canon can't or doesn't --- and those are also my favorite AUs to read! currently writing a wesper regency AU that's an excuse for me to explore first meetings (not just the first meeting, but the way you meet someone for the first time over and over again as they change and as you change and as you know them better)

i can't write, and i don't usually read, AUs that involve one of the characters falling in love with a ghost because of my complicated relationship with the concept of ghosts and such in the culture i grew up in, but i do love fics that explore a character's ghosts!

[dcvina-claires]

i think the six of crows fandom has a real problem with acknowledging complexity in the characters which is ironic because it’s literally a book about morally grey characters. like yes kaz is a cold blooded murderer who cares more about money than being a good person but he’s also a dumb teen boy with a crush and a bad haircut. inej is a knife-wielding spy as well as a deeply religious girl who never stopped believing in kindness. jesper is a confident, reckless sharpshooter but he’s also incredibly scared and angry. wylan is an empathetic and kind artist along with being a dangerously intelligent explosives expert. nina is a fun, food-loving girl but she also stands up for the oppressed and struggles to recover from an addiction. matthias is an angry druskelle but he’s also the boy who learned to love grisha unconditionally. even kuwei has more depth than we give him credit for. he’s the flirty troublemaker as well as a grieving kid who’s had too much pressure put on him. they all have nuance, please don’t take that away because it’s such an important theme in the books