#jeremy’s face is actually real fucking funny to me

[sea-jello]

i don’t know anymore

[f1byjessie]

A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS ━━ LN4.

sometimes the right words are hard to come across, and sometimes everything you need to say can be captured in an image.

( lando norris x photographer!reader )

━━ part three.

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yourusername is it time for bahrain yet?! can’t wait to see these two back in action again soon! 🧡

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mclaren We keep asking ourselves the same thing! Our engines are ready and we’re raring to go! 🧡

↳ yourusername you truly understand me mclaren admin

↳ mclaren we think you’re the one who truly understands us y/n

↳ user y/n x mclaren admin?? 🤯 the plot twist none of us saw coming

user missing these lads so much lately

user THE RADIO SILENCE ON OSCAR’S SOCIALS WAS KILLING ME I DEPEND ON THESE MEN TOO MUCH THEY KEEP ME ALIVE 😭😭

user the f1 drought is real rn

user MCLAREN SUPREMACY 2024

↳ user i’m trying to be delulu but we all know it’s just gonna be the mv33 and redbull show again this year 🫤

user soooo are we all just gonna pretend like we didn’t see the pics of her with garrett ward orrrrr?

↳ user no bc i was just thinking the same thing 👀

↳ user wait that was actually her??? cuz you can like barely see her face so i thought it was just a joke???

user what a fake ass bitch

user she only posts other ppl on her acc cuz she knows her ugly ass face would scare everyone else away

user homegirl needs to stay tf away from my man fr 😤😤

user god what a hoe 😒 she already has these two that she could fuck with idk why she needed to go after garrett

user SLUT SLUT SLUT

user if she tries anything with anyone else on the city team i’m gonna lose my shit fr

↳ user same omg

↳ user honestly i’m just glad she didn’t go after grealish or haaland 🙌

↳ user she probably would’ve tried if they weren’t taken already 🙄

↳ user nah i bet she’s totally a homewrecker garrett’s probably just the first on her list

user oh… these comments… 😰

↳ user right???

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yourusername the city boys know how it’s done! and looking pretty good in orange too 😉

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mancity The lads are looking good indeed! This weekend’s match against Newcastle should be an exciting one! ⚽️🩵

mclaren ✍️ Jeremy ✍️ Doku ✍️ and ✍️ Ruben ✍️ Dias ✍️ McLaren ✍️ 2025

↳ mancity Do you think Lando Norris and Oscar Piastri would look good in sky blue? 🤔

user funny how she posts every city man BUT garrett

user god when does she go back to f1??

↳ user march iirc

↳ user well it can’t get here soon enough jfc

user FUCK OFF WE DON’T WANT YOU

user you’re a slag and should accept the fact that any guy would only want you bc of how easy you are

user i’ll bet my left leg that the only reason the f1 boys haven’t shacked up with her yet is cuz they know she’s probably riddled with disease since she drools over every guy that comes near her 😒 like girl needs to bffr and realize that throwing herself at every male in her vicinity isn’t gonna land her a husband and it just making her even more of a slut

↳ user nah i’ll bet they’ve all already done her over in f1 but nobody will touch her now that they’ve passed her round so she had to come over to football just to try and get someone to touch her again 🙄🙄🙄

user i hope garrett realizes how much of a slut she is and breaks up with her

user sick and tired of bitches like this getting with footballers and being all controlling. like i’ll bet she’s gonna tell garrett he can’t go out and party with his mates anymore bc he has to spend time in with her and then she’ll get all pissy about him having female fans bc she’s insecure and knows that if garrett got to meet a REAL fan he’d jump ship immediately. those of us who ACTUALLY care about footballers know their fans are super important to them and we wouldn’t hinder their relationship with them just bc we’re jealous or insecure. garrett needs to be with someone who actually supports him and is willing to let him do what he wants instead of controlling him like he’s a dog on a leash.

user kys like genuinely

user god i can’t wait for this skank to die 😒

“Hey Lando, it’s me. Your best friend. Again,” you give a humorless chuckle. “I could seriously use some of your wizened advice right about now, so, uh, please just give me a call back when you can. Thanks.”

It seems poetic in a cruel sort of way that less than a week ago you were walking Etihad Campus and feeling like you were on top of the world━ working a new albeit temporary gig, adding the Manchester City name to your list of clients, having photos of world-renowned footballers in your portfolio━ and now you’ve resigned yourself to hiding away in the women’s restroom, locked in a stall because it’s the only place you could think of where nobody would be able to find you.

You’re on the verge of tears and feeling rather stupid for it.

It’s the third time today alone that your call has gone straight to voicemail, and with the dozens of unread texts you’ve sent in the last week added to the mix, it’s starting to paint a picture you’re not very happy with. Lando is ignoring you. Or he’s blocked you. Or he’s blocked you because he’s ignoring you━

You bite down on your lip, hard, to keep back the sob crawling its way up your throat.

You’re not a PR officer, you hadn’t been lying when you told Garrett that, but you’ve spent enough time around the McLaren PR teams that you’ve picked up enough tips and tricks to know, at the very least, that the best thing you can do is just ignore the comments.

That’s what they tell all the athletes.

What they don’t tell the athletes is that ignoring the comments is much easier said than done, especially when your career requires you to have such a significant online presence. And the thing is, despite all of these strangers hounding you with every name under the sun and criticizing your capabilities, qualifications, and very existence, the thing that hurts the most is the radio silence from the only person you know could make it all better.

Now, more than ever, you need your best friend. But he isn’t here.

You tuck your phone into your jacket pocket and unlock the stall with great reluctance. You know better than to be hiding away, shirking your responsibilities while crying over a few missed phone calls. You have a job to do, and a real professional wouldn’t let something as simple as a handful of tasteless comments get in the way of that.

You should be used to them. It’s nothing you haven’t seen before.

Your first month at McLaren wasn’t entirely different.

When you were first hired on, Carlos had been in Formula One for a handful of years already and had built up a devotedly loyal fanbase with a decently large percentage of possessive fangirls who had come for your head the moment your existence had been announced.

The McLaren Instagram account had posted a picture of you standing between their two grinning drivers, your camera strung around your neck, with a very nice caption welcoming you to the team, and despite no indication that you were by any means involved with either of them in a way that went beyond professional, the comments had been taken over by feral teenage girls who saw the act of you simply standing near Carlos to be a direct threat against their “chances.”

Though it had been frustrating being met with childish threats and petty insults in your comments, you hadn’t really held it against any of them. You remember being a teenage girl and crushing on a celebrity. Deep down you knew you never had a chance with them, but that hadn’t stopped you from hanging posters in your bedroom and doodling their name beneath yours inside of scribbled hearts in your diary.

Regardless, it had taken close to a month for the negativity to die down, and you hadn’t had Lando then, either, so now shouldn’t be much different.

In fact, everyone on the Manchester City team━ trainers, physios, media coordinatiors, and anyone inbetween━ has been very polite about everything between you and Garrett. A lot of them have just avoided saying anything about it, which you’re very grateful for because you don’t think you’d be able to hold back your grimace while thanking them for their well wishes, and the few who have mentioned it typically only say something vague like a wishing you the best of luck or hoping you’re happy.

An intern gave you a sympathetic smile the other day, and you’d nearly burst into tears in the middle of the office of the Director of Communications, so you know you aren’t truly alone in this.

You just feel alone.

Exiting the bathroom is a simple affair. There’s no one standing post outside ready to give you any shit for being hidden away, and nobody comes sprinting around the corner as you make your way down the hall to the press conference room that’s been temporarily turned into your base of operations.

You think you’ll probably be able to go the rest of the afternoon without running into anyone, when you open your door and find━ sitting in the front row of the seats typically saved for journalists and the press, scrolling across his phone with a disinterested look painted across his face━ Jack Grealish.

“Jack,” you greet, a bit shocked. You close the door to the room gently behind you, and cross the distance to your desk. “Did we have a meeting scheduled? It must’ve completely slipped my mind, I sincerely apologize.”

He offers you a polite smile. “No, we didn’t, so no need to be sorry. I actually just wanted to check in. See how things are going with everything.”

You blink at him in surprise. Apart from Garrett, you haven’t really had much time to speak with the other players. They wish you good morning and good afternoon when they see you, and if a ball goes astray they always call out for you to watch your head, but between their morning training and their afternoon training, their strategy reviews at lunch, and the frequent in between meetings with physios, nutritionists, and trainers, they don’t get much time to chit chat with a simple photographer.

You clear your throat, “Erm, it’s going well. I’ve gotten some really good shots these past few days. There’s one with Rodrigo that I’m particularly proud of. It should do well with the fans.”

“And things with Ward?”

You purse your lips.

“Figured.” Jack sighs. “Look, nearly everyone you run into here knows or has at least some inkling into what he’s like. He’s a prick. None of the lads on the team like him, it’s why the managers are trying to get him out of here.”

You lower yourself down into your chair. “He told me they were planning to trade him off because of his reputation.”

Jack scoffs, “Yeah, ‘cause that’s the ‘official’ reason. They can’t cut his contract early for legal reasons, so they’re waiting for it to expire and coming up with an excuse for why they ain’t re-signing him. It’s really just ‘cause the rest of us can’t keep dealing with his massive ego and the fact that he’s a misogynistic fuck who doesn’t know the first thing about respect.”

“Fucking tell me about it,” you mutter with a sigh.

If he expected you to defend Garrett and is surprised by the fact that you haven’t, Jack doesn’t show it. He looks relaxed sitting across from you, like you’re having a casual conversation and not actively shit talking a member of his team. It gives you the impression that he knows significantly more about Garrett than you do, and that because of what he knows he probably figured out that one party in the relationship is not the most willing of participants.

“How’d you get all wrapped up it in then? Didn’t figure you to be the type to go after pricks like Ward.”

You debate over whether you should tell him or not. There isn’t much Jack can do about the situation regardless, but it would at least get things off your chest and if someone else knew then maybe you wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.

There’s only so many days you can spend hiding out in the women’s restroom trying not to bawl your eyes out, and you’ve already reached your limit.

You heave a sigh, “It’s kind of fucked up really.” A pen on your desk catches your attention and you start to fiddle with it, avoiding Jack’s eyes which have focused directly onto you. “He asked if I would help him fix up his reputation by pretending to be his girlfriend so he could show everyone that he’s matured and can hold down a steady relationship. When I told him no, he threatened to make up a lie about inappropriate conduct to get me fired and blacklisted from the industry, so for the sake of preserving my career I agreed.”

“Bloody fucking hell,” Jack murmurs, shaking his head. “I’m real sorry he did that, Y/N.”

You shrug. “It’s happened, so, there’s nothing I can really do except wait it out at this point.”

When you look up and meet his gaze, Jack looks murderous. His hands are clenched into fists on the armrests, knuckles white with the strength of his grip. His brows are furrowed, and his lips are twisted downward in a scowl.

“If you need anything,” he starts, “let me know. And I mean it. We all know how Ward can be. He’s a knobhead. So if you need anything━” his emphasis on the word and what that implies makes you feel more comforted than anything has since the whole fiasco started, “━then you let me know, or you tell one of the other boys and they’ll find me, alright?”

All you can do is nod.

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yourusername there’s no place like home

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━━ tags: @maih23 @urfavnoirette @leclercsluv @f1luvur @formulaal @a-disturbing-self-reflection @starlightpierre @chezmardybum @marshmummy @405rry

━━ a/n: no lando yet, but we've got a cutesy little grealish scene to make up for it because i couldn't have a story with manchester city and not include him! lowkey writing this part made me wanna write for a footballer too... anyways! hope you all enjoy!

[redflagshipwriter]

Red Hot Ghouls 14 part 1/2

masterpost

“Hey, what’s up? Just checking in. Any luck so far? I finished my books!” Danny read mockingly off the burner phone with only one contact. He felt his eyebrow twitch. “What is this guy’s problem?” He got up in a jerky motion and started pacing around his one room apartment like the world’s most broke-ass tiger. It took three steps to get off the rug and onto the 3 tiles in front of his front door. He wheeled on his heel and did it again, and again, and then he forcibly collapsed back onto his couch in a huff. “What a bitch,” Danny complained. He kicked at the cushion. “Where does he get off talking to me like he doesn’t know…”

His voice trailed off as he accidentally had a thought. The thought happened to him entirely against his will. He really hated the thought.

Like. What if, just as a guess. What if he supposed that Jason the hapless performance-art biker tough guy rough guy had not found his secret identity? What if he had just like, gone out to a dark coffeeshop to read a new book? And from his perspective, some weird guy had yelled at him and made a funny face like a pissy toddler?

Shit. Shit, fuck, and damn. Danny groaned. Was Jason just a local??? Had he walked into that place by chance- oh. Holy fucking shit.

“I am the dumbest engineer I know,” Danny marveled. He looked up at the ceiling and sort of wished it would fall in and kill him instantly. “Jeremy is in Arkham. That implies he committed this crime in Gotham. That would imply his victim was from Gotham.”

Honestly… He had kinda just thought that Jeremy was in Arkham because it was convenient for him. But of course not. No one knew he was in Gotham. If Jeremy knew that Danny Phantom was on Gotham he would have been taking out creepy billboards to beg for his attention and damnation or something.

‘So Jason just thinks I am a total weirdo.’

Pain. Pain. Psychic damage. Danny threw his arm over his face and muffled a scream into his forearm, fucking mortified. Why was he so embarrassing? 

‘I don’t actually know that this happened in Gotham; Jeremy could have gone outside of city limits for his little ritual. Jason didn’t ask me to take him to Gotham from the GZ,’ Danny clung to in faint hope. ‘Maybe he really did hunt me down. Or maybe he looked up ectobiologists, learned about my family, and just sought out the geographically closest Fenton.’ 

…Get real. Come on. Jason wasn’t a detective. The straightest line between two points was the most likely path of events.

He unlocked his phone with numb fingers and started searching for any proof that this guy was a Gothamite. 

Jason Gotham

A bunch of Linked in profiles, a bunch of articles about rich people, and a flood of bookface profiles. It was a common name.

“That figures,” Danny huffed, feeling a little stupid for thinking that would work. He blew out a long breath. “It’s not like there’s ever just one guy in the world. There’s a billion Dannys out there for chrissake. There’s a Danny in my Econ class.”

Jason Gotham big strong guy

There was a wrestler from Gotham whose agent was named Jason. Danny clicked through the article to look at the photos just in case. No dice. His Jason was built prettier than the agent or the wrestler, Danny thought absently. Oh. He did have something that a wrestler didn’t, though.

Jason Gotham guns

Weirdly, the Linked-in profiles came back up. Danny was baffled and curious enough to read through a couple. “Gotham is such a goddamn place,” he marveled, eyebrows traveling up. “I thought you weren’t supposed to talk about things like…” Then the penny dropped. “Henchmen get hired off Linked-in?” He sat up explicitly so that he could shake his head in disbelief at the state of this city. “Wild.”

Well. The mission was not a success. Danny buried his face in his hands and accidentally smacked himself with the phone still in his hand. He ignored the stinging of his cheekbone to wallow in self-pity. It would heal up fast anyway.

“I think I need to answer his message,” Danny said. He felt real low. He felt like such a silly bastard. “I have to be smart and feel out if he knows I’m Danny.” He paused. “Danny Fenton, not Danny Phantom. Because I introduced myself as Danny Phantom.” Danny groaned. That seemed like an unnecessary clue, now that he really thought about it.

‘I need to avoid Jazz,’ Danny thought grimly. ‘If she sees me, she is going to sense weakness and find out what I did.’

He mulled over his options for a bit, trying to plot a response that would reveal all of Jason’s secrets and also make sense in conversation.

He failed. “I’m not a smart man,” Danny said conversationally, and sent,

You finished all those books already?? You unemployed, dude???

Jason must have been waiting on him. His response was pretty fast. 

Self-employed, actually. 

[callmearcturus]

can i just defend myself and explain why i am obsessed with mission impossible????? please? i know Cruise is a cultist and that is genuinely bad and makes this my ultimate Problematic Fave but also please god i need to ramble about this

ghost protocol, right?

this is a Leverage movie okay? there's a lot of pretty people with interesting motivations and they do ridiculous heists for the greater good.

the physical comedy element is off the chain from the start with the prison break sequence where Ethan Hunt has a nonverbal argument over surveillance camera with Benji Dunn to affectionately bully him into going off-script for the mission, and then blows him a little kiss of thanks.

the Burj Khalifa stunt, which is entirely practical and is not CGI and happened on the actual location, is so fucking bugfuck crazy that it makes my heart race every time, and on top of that it's a GORGEOUS sequence and its funny and it's character-driven and the greatest moment in the movie is Ethan's running leap to propel himself into the window at the end, only to bonk his fucking head and nearly die at the last moment. it's a miraculous sequence.

i love Carter so fucking much, and I am OBSESSED with Mission Impossible and gender. the number of times the expectation I would expect gets inverted is so crunchy.

Jane Carter has the most motivation of everyone, with her boyfriend getting fridged in the intro and propelling her to be more ruthless and reckless than the others. she gets the very dude-coded backstory and role, and it plays beautifully off Ethan because there is never a single moment of the movie setting her up as his love interest, not ONCE and so they have this wonderful equitable relationship where they've both gone through similar trauma and he tries to advise her on how to handle it, and it's SO NEAT

also speaking of gender stuff, the way Carter has to seduce the rich guy at the end but at every turn is being coached by Ethan on how best to seduce the guy, and everyone just accepts that Yep, Ethan Is The Guy To Help You Seduce A Man, mwah, love it, amazing.

also as someone who is Hugely Ambivalent to Jeremy Renner

(MOSTLY BECAUSE I literally know he can act, the first thing I saw him in was the fucking Hurt Locker okay but it feels like his agent is an idiot and keeps netting him Incredibly Generic Roles, but at least in Mission Impossible he's working with the material as much as he can)

ANYWAY I actually like Jeremy Renner in these movies instead of forgetting he exists which I think says something. and it was a small thing in 2011 but the blaise "Next time, I get to seduce the rich guy," moment really does work.

Rogue Nation

Fallout is the best MI movie but Rogue Nation is my favorite MI movie, because it is just a fucking comedy and it's the real start of Ethan's deepening emotional arc and I'm OBSESSED with it

also Ilsa fucking Faust, my god

Ilsa is one of my favorite ladies in these action movies? she feels like a boot to the face of Bond movies, she's beautiful but she's not a young woman, she has genuinely complex shit going on, she's the true fulcrum the movie pivots around, she has a very specific fighting style that stands out, and she's another Not Love Interest?

like, Ethan likes her and there's that moment when she asks him to run away with her, but the way the camera treats her makes me so happy? like if i were in a movie, i would want the camera to look at me like it does Ilsa, does that make sense?

also benji runs this entire movie. i love his growth and his comfort in his work. in Ghost Protocol, Benji was green, but in Rogue Nation he knows what he's doing, he resents being protected, he is reliable and thinks on his feet, and he yells at Ethan when Ethan is being a dick.

in another moment of Huh Gender Stuff, Benji is the one who is positioned as Ethan's Love Interest structurally. he is with Ethan the most, he grounds him but also sparks off him well, he is Ethan's connection to the world and the avenue thru which he shows the most emotion, and when Benji's kidnapped in the third act Ethan completely loses his shit and kidnaps the Prime Minister and basically does whatever it fucking takes to get him back, the degree to with Benji is Ethan's motivation in RN is kind of staggering.

also i love ethan hunt and RN is really where that starts.

Ethan can swing around the Burj Khalifa and do a 100mph motorcycle chase and well i guess the free swim didn't work out Great for him, but when he's not doing superhuman ridiculous bullshit

i'm obsessed with the growing emotional core of Ethan. his fatal flaw begins to emerge in RN, that his job is to save the entire world from certain doom, but his judgement is Fucked.

that goddamn glass box he's locked in. he sees a young IMF agent killed, and it sticks in him like a lodged dagger. he risks himself over and over to try and get Ilsa out of her own fate. he does Batshit Things to save Benji.

I know that James Bond has kind of become a reflection of itself, on how terrible James Bond, about how reprehensible a person he is. the Craig movies I've seen have been pretty upfront about that baggage.

but... he's still a misogynistic bastard who will kill people to finish his mission. and the movie acknowledges all that but it's still the driving force of the movies.

Mission Impossible doesn't just nod at "hey Ethan's kinda fucked up huh" and then keeps doing that. Ethan's flaws are getting worse and causing more and more problems for him and everyone around him.

Fallout

there are a lot of moments i love in Fallout but there is one I cannot dislodge from my brain

wait first: August Walker is amazing and i love him

i love that the movie makes no attempt to hide he's the bad guy. i love how he keeps trying to introduce himself to the IMF team and everyone no sells him, because everyone hates the fucking CIA. i love his arm reload and how brutal his combat style is compared to Ethan's.

he's so fucking FUN.

but anyway, the thing that Fallout does that I cannot for the life of me stop thinking about is Ethan and the traffic cop in Paris.

this mission has been on the knife's edge of disaster from the word go, Ethan has been mocked and pushed around and disregarded, Ilsa is after him, he's just pulled off an extremely treacherous betrayal and an even more dangerous escape, everyone is getting into the car with Lane, and they open the doors and there's someone RIght There. the wrong place, the worst possible time.

everyone freezes. Walker is ready to shoot her, just another piece of collateral damage. but Ethan spends an extended period just stopping and pleading in French for this lady to leave. Please, just go, please walk away, please do not get involved in this.

He could shoot her, or get in the car and drive, hoping she'll get out of the way, or let Walker take her out, or attack her and nonfatally injure her to get her out of the way. They really really don't have time for this shit.

But something in him is fucked because there is a nuclear apocalypse on the line, but Ethan stops to try and keep one bystander out of it.

POINTS

I'M OBSESSED WITH THIS CHARACTER. WITH THE GUY WHO IS LITERALLY GETTING MORE AND MORE COMPROMISED BY HIS EMOTIONS AS THE FRANCHISE GOES ON. THE GUY WHO KEEPS FUCKING UP BECAUSE HE'S NOT WILLING TO MAKE A HARD CHOICE AND LET SOMEONE DIE TO SAVE MILLIONS. THIS IS A PROBLEM, AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.

i love John Wick. I love the beautiful choreography of death. I love the showmanship.

But there's something about how Mission Impossible takes death seriously and the way Ethan tries to minimize harm even when he really shouldn't that captivates me.

also the cinematography is amazing.

THAT'S ALL. I love the Chris McQuarrie Mission Impossibles. It's SUCH a problem.

[damelucyjo]

Here we go!

Episode 3 - 4-5-1

Colin finally getting the recognition he deserves!

But I don't think this is the reveal they expected it to be 😂

His boy is cute though...

OMG the false start with the theme 😂😂

YYEAAAAHH!!!!!

Ted thinking he got maths correct then saying 'are' and Roy shaking his head - perfect

Roy fully understanding Ted’s metaphors now!! ONE OF US, ONE OF US!

Perfect reflection on actual conversations had in an office 😂

BEARD’S ACCENT! Kinda hot??

Julie Andrews talk!! And they all fancy her. My people!! 🥰

Fuck yeah Princess Diaries! But how is that a deep cut?? 🤔

They boys are all incredibly cute

Please never change Dani!!

Uh oh. For Isaac to be the one to make that comment 🫣

Paul & Idris I get, but Norm??? Come on Sam

Oop that classic ‘gay sex’ joke 🤔

Rebecca looking fine, as always! (Also this must be where that clip of Hannah, Juno & Jeremy playing ‘kissy shoes’ is from

Shandy’s first question to Rebecca being ‘how tall are you?’ was very funny to me and I don’t know why 😂

Hannah’s face! 😂

Ooo mysterious Rebecca

(I also have thoughts about the ‘I’m late’ line, but I’ll keep it to myself (unless you ask))

That Virginia line had to be for Hannah

The thigh touch 👀

Who the fuck are you? DO NOT DISRESPECT MY BOY LIKE THAT!!

I am living for angry Rebecca

‘Your desk is covered in biscuit crumbs’ fucking dying 😂😂

Zava is incredibly OTT, but I kinda love him

You are the glue 🥹

Apparently they couldn’t get through this scene for laughing and THIS IS WHY WE NEED THE BLOOPERS!!

Is there going to be something to this whole ‘everyone is enamoured by Zava but Rebecca’ thing?

Oh, & Jamie too

Ted popping out from behind him - may be the funniest thing in this episode 🤷🏻‍♀️

HES 25?!?! Wtf 😂🫣

Roy is really making me chuckle in this scene. Brett, I love you 😍

I mean, they’re all brilliant in this scene to be fair

These 3 acting like little kids is amazing. Again BLOOPERS!!

‘He’s tall’ I see you, Trent 😏

Ooo the psychic 👀

They’re testing each other… interesting

Mentioning Sam then telling her Deb told you is not going to help her believe you, Tish 🤔

I don’t understand why Rebecca has gone to see her though if she’s so against it?? She must believe in it even slightly to agree to see her

Am I the only one confused by the sudden odd smell??

‘A shite in nining armour’ 😂

I have many thoughts and feelings about this whole psychic visit, just like everyone else apparently

This whole interview talk and making it viral makes me think Colin’s story is going to come out amongst all this Zava shit

Roy would do an interview for Keeley 🥹🥹 my heart

The boys!! ‘Makes sense’ 😂

This Wordle bit is purely Jason and Brendan. Tell me I’m wrong

Jamie boy is growing up 🥹

Beard being shocked Jamie knew what he was talking about 😂

Rebecca must wear BBP always this season apparently. I ain’t mad at it!

Ted still really knows nothing about football. So real 😂

Apple getting their Tetris promo in 😂😂

So this new guy is just another Ted 👀👀 interesting

Poor Ted

Rebecca being super excited! We love to see it!

Jamie walking in & straight out again. King

Ted internet stalking the new guy. We’ve all been there 😂

Rebecca still thinking about what Tish said 👀

Poor Roy 🥹

I’d be pissed too if I was Jamie!

He got a job!! Things are looking up for the Bar Boys 😂

We love a little flirty flirt moment over food 👀👀

He’s their couples therapist?! I thought he was Henry’s doctor or something 🫣

Why keep mentioning how great Nate is? He’s coaching a team that was already good… what’s he doing??

That fucking tattoo 😂 and playing Jesus Christ Superstar over it. Genius 😂

Love to see a happy Rebecca. She feels like she’s finally winning!

Dani copying Zava 😂😂

More flirting 👀

Issac is so fucking intense 😂

How long have they been together if the boys have never met him before??

REBECCA MIDDLE NAME WELTON!! That is how you show up to your ex’s new restaurant opening!

‘Told you’ what we’re they talking about for that comment?? 👀

Beard & Jane are terrible but Brendan & Phoebe are brilliant!

Poor Jamie

LOVING this bromance developing here

Fucking pre-Madonna 😂😂

I’m excited for this training

Sassy is such a terrible person?? Like, we knew?? But my god woman

I’m very undecided on Shandy…

So is Rebecca, apparently

Hannah & Juno having a whole conversation with no words 🥰 all the awards to both of them!

I just noticed Zava is wearing a t-shirt with his name all over it 😂

Avocado callback 👍🏼

‘Borderline unethical’ says everything about Sassy

Uh oh. Rebecca beginning to panic so she drinks instead. She’s just like me!

Trent’s so cool

I think it’s gonna be important that Trent was the one to spot Colin & Michael

Also fitting ‘everybody knows’ over that part of the scene - genius!

[bustyasianbeautiespod]

Episode 55 Transcript: This Episode is Cohosted by Birds

[Context for the title: Throughout the episode, there is a lot of background noise from birds that could not be edited out.]

[intro guitar music]

G: Hello! My name is Grey.

C: And my name is Crystal.

G: And this is Busty Asian Beauties, the Supernatural commentary podcast where I, someone who has seen this show several times-

C: And I, someone who only knows about the show through social media, discuss every single episode of Supernatural from start to finish. Also, we are both Asian.

G: Both Asian! For today's episode, we will be discussing Season 3, Episode 11: "Mystery Spot," written by Jeremy Carver and Emily McLaughlin, directed by Kim Manners.

C: Who is Emily McLaughlin?

G: Let us check.

C: This is the only one that Emily McLaughlin has written, but she was an assistant for a lot of people.

G: Maybe, you know. [laughing] I was gonna say "She's a keeper, but they just can't keep her" [both laughing] because I was- [both laughing]

C: I'm gonna ignore that.

G: Jokes that are completely incomprehensible to anyone but us.

C: Anyone who listens to NCT, which is not me, could also understand that.

G: Yeah. I would say, maybe we should attribute the good parts of this episode to her. Just maybe!

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: Sure, let's do that.

G: I mean, when has Jeremy Carver ever proven to be a writer that we like? His- oh, no! "Very Supernatural Christmas" was his.

C: Yeah.

G: But "Sin City" was also his, so...

C: Right.

G: Okay, actually, let's look at what his list of episodes are.

C: Yeah, I'm looking right now. Huh. Okay, there's- the ones that I recognize are "In the Beginning," "Death-"

G: Oh, he wrote "Free to be You and Me"!

C: Aww. Yeah, okay, I recognize some of these as good episodes. Like, I feel that I know the general plot of "The Rapture," and I feel like that is pretty good.

G: Yeah, "Free to be You and Me," literally, Dean and Cas go on a date while Sam fights for his fucking life. [C laughs] Love content like that.

C: Yeah. I think "In the Beginning" is probably pretty good- or, okay, by "It's probably pretty good," [laughing] it means I've seen young Mary's face-

G: So real.

C: - and decided it must be a wonderful episode.

G: That is so true. "Sacrifice." Pretty slay.

C: But I guess he is responsible for Cas's transphobia.

G: Oh, yeah! There's also like-

C: Yeah, okay, so he wrote- the thing is, he wrote "Changing Channels," which I know is also a Gabriel episode-

G: Yep.

C: - and is also funny, so I feel like he probably is a good humor writer. So maybe we can attribute some of the good things in this episode to him. Sadly.

G: Yeah. Sadly! Yeah.

C: Sadly.

G: I mean, he was also a showrunner. [laughs]

C: He did make that father of two shave his chest, so like- that's pretty important.

G: Yeah. It's important. I thought he wrote 9.03- or, no, 9.06. "Heaven Can't Wait." But no, that's the other guy. Robert Berens.

C: Oh, yeah. That's a guy.

G: Yeah. [laughs] Lots- I mean, I feel like everyone has an opinion about Robert Berens. But we'll have our opinions when we get to his first episode.

C: In 5 million years, or whatever.

G: Yeah. [laughs] I mean, in 5 million years, I feel like we would have released this episode [laughing] because of how long it takes us to release episodes nowadays.

C: Oh, right. Happy 2023, or honestly, maybe happy 2024 at this point, people. [laughs]

G: Honestly. Happy Year of the... Bunny? Is it the year of the rabbit?

C: God, I don't remember the like, order of the animals.

G: Yeah, I think it's Year of the Rabbit, and I love that I said "Year of the Bunny." Like, that is so cute.

C: Yeah. It literally is the Year of the Bunny. So real.

G: Yeah. [laughs] So I mean, let's get into this episode.

C: Sure!

G: What did you know about it before we watched- before, like, you watched it?

C: A decent amount. I knew it was a time loop episode, that it would open with "Heat of the Moment" by Asia [laughs], which is such a funny band name. And that Dean was gonna to die over and over again, and that it would be the funniest, greatest thing in the world to see. [G laughs] And that one of the deaths involves like, a dog, which I thought was really funny. And then I knew that Gabriel would be responsible, and that he would be doing it to try to get Sam to realize that he can't save Dean. And also that- I thought it was going to be like, I think it was like a month after or something, but it turned out to be 6 months after, when Sam kills Bobby, but Bobby is actually Gabriel. So yeah, those are the things I knew.

G: Yeah. I mean, for me, I, within the last 2 years, watched this episode because I made an AMV to it-

C: Yes.

G: Which I am insanely proud of. I think it's the funniest thing to ever come out of my soul and spirit. It's really good.

C: Yes. I forgot, which 1D song is it?

G: I think it's like, "Live While We're Young." [laughs]

C: Yes.

G: And it's like, a Dean death compilation/Sabriel or Saybriel- however you pronounce it- AMV. Yeah. It's iconic, and I- maybe I should reblog it in BABPod.

C: Yeah! You should.

G: Yeah. In our BABPod Tumblr account. Because that's in my old account that I don't use anymore. [laughs] So like, it's okay. So real.

-

G: Let's start with the actual episode.

C: Okay. So there is a quick little "Road So Far," where in one of the scenes, it shows them killing Gabriel/the Trickster. And that's the only part that he comes up in the "Road So Far," which I think is good because so many "Road So Far"s just give you like massive spoilers for the episode, so I'm glad they didn't do a whole Gabriel re-run. Yeah, it's just stuff. And then we have the teaser. We have the iconic shot of, you know, Sam's in bed, his eyes are closed, "Heat of the Moment" by Asia starts coming on the radio, and his eyes open. We will see this shot a lot. And, you know, it's a regular old day. Dean's having a good time. Sam says that if he hears this song ever again, he's gonna kill himself. [laughs]

G: Well, first of all, he says, "Dude. Asia?"

C: [laughing] Oh my god, yes, he-

G: "Dude. Asia?" [both laughing]

C: And I paused and laughed for like 5 minutes.

G: So real.

C: Literally. "Dude, Asia? Eww!"

G: I mean, why did they name themselves Asia?

C: I don't know.

G: There's a band named like, Boston, right?

C: Yeah, that feels different, though. Like I'm assuming they're from Boston, are they not?

G: Do you think the Asia guys are Asian? [laughs]

C: No, I looked them up. They- I mean, they could be, but they do not look like it.

G: Oh, it's English rock.

C: Yep. They're an English rock group. They're like, 4 guys. They look sort of like heterosexual Queen or something? [G laughs]

G: So real.

C: Yeah, huh. I don't see anything about why they named their band Asia.

G: Wow. Apparently "Heat of the Moment" is like their first single or something.

C: Mm.

G: Debut album, yeah. Good for them.

C: Good for them.

G: [singing] "Heat of the moment"- it's a good song.

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, it's a good song for what Supernatural uses it as.

C: Yeah. Yeah.

Right, he says, "Dude, Asia?" And then he says if he ever hears the song again, he'll kill himself. He's such a Redditor. God bless.

G: God bless.

C: Yeah, so you know, Dean's in the bathroom. He gargles a lot. All these are things that will happen again because of the time loop.

G: Yeah.

C: And they head out to breakfast, but Dean pulls like, a black bra out of a bag.

G: Okay, okay, pause for a minute. I am concerned by your wording of "he gargles a lot." Is this not normal? [both laugh]

C: I think I just don't really gargle in general.

G: You're so for real.

C: Maybe he's gargling a completely normal amount, and I'm just really bad at my dental care.

G: I think he's trying to piss off Sam, but I think this is like, you know, like when dads gargle?

C: Yes.

G: This is how dads gargle.

C: Okay, is this a dad thing? Are dad's fucking obsessed with mouthwash? My dad is obsessed with mouthwash.

G: I think so.

C: He has like a bottle in the kitchen, [G laughs] so that as soon as he's done eating, he can fucking gargle it at the kitchen sink. It's not even in his bathroom.

G: That's so for real of him. I mean, my dad is also obsessed with gargling. [C laughs] So- And I learned how to gargle, like the back throat gargle, from him. [C laughs] So like, that's a slay.

C: Yeah. So he has this black bra, right? So like, okay, the assumption is that one of his hookups left it behind. Who the fuck gets dressed and forgets their bra? Those things are like $30 at least. Yeah, and Dean makes a joke that's like, "Haha! Is this yours, Sam?" Okay.

G: It's his. That's my hot take. It's Dean's.

C: It's Dean's. It literally is Dean's. Yeah, no, he saw it, and he was like, "Shit, I need to pass this off-" It's Dean's. And they head out to a diner and, like, someone named Mr. Pickett is leaving, and the cashier tells him to drive safely. And then a waitress is talking to some guy named Cal, who looks kind of disheveled, and says that he can't stay unless he order something. And they sit down, and Dean sees that today's special is "Tuesday: Pig in a Poke."

G: Mm-hm.

C: Yeah, which is- Pig in a Poke Tuesday is a semi-reoccurring weekly Supernatural Tumblr thing, right? Like it's no Fingers in My Mouth Friday or anything, but it's still something

G: Yeah. I don't know. I think the only thing this episode, gifset or whatever that I see is, you know, "Yesterday was Tuesday, but today was Tuesday too!" like every Tuesday. So real.

C: That's true. Okay, you know how like, the big, famous version of that post, like- someone who reblogged it has "wincest" in their URL. So whenever I'm checking if a Supernatural blog is safe, I like, search the word "Wincest," and usually, it's safe, but that one post shows up, and I'm like, "Okay." Sad.

G: I mean, I don't follow people anymore. Like, you're either in it, baby, or you're never gonna be in. "It" being my Tumblr following. But there was a time where I really had to like, not even just Wincest, right? [laughs] Because that's the automatic thing you look up to see if you should follow someone. Like, do we like, fundamentally disagree on this one thing. But also, it's like, "Do they like Cas enough?" [both laugh] Like, I literally would look up "Castiel," and if there's like, 5 posts, I'm like, "They don't love Castiel enough. They don't deserve my attention." Or like, I'll look up like Crowley, and if they like Crowley, I wouldn't follow. [laughing] I'm literally so horrible.

C: Oh, god. Yeah, I like when you're at that phase in a fandom where you have so many specific opinions that you have to do like, 10 different checks before you follow someone.

G: Exactly. It's very rewarding.

C: It's really good

G: When you find someone who fits all your boxes and will never disappoint you.

C: Yeah, I think there was a time when I would like, look up "Uncle Sam" and not follow if they call Sam Jack's uncle.

G: I know exactly what you mean. I know exactly what you mean. And I don't think I did this, but I think I did like, some variation of Jack something. I forgot what, but like, I also had very strong opinions about how people talked about Jack, which we will discover in a couple of years.

C: So many years later, yes.

So yeah, Dean orders the special with a side of bacon and coffee. Sam orders a coffee and some pancakes. And they mentioned briefly that they should be hunting down Bela because she has the Colt, but they're currently working on a case about a missing professor named Dexter Hasselback, and the last place that he visited was the Mystery Spot. And they look at a flyer for this tourist attraction, and the back of it is just what goes through my brain every time I have to do math or physics, [G laughs] which is just equations with questions.

G: It's like, "E=mc^2," question mark question mark question mark.

C: E=mc squared? A=pi*r squared? F=whatever the fuck?

G: So real. [both] Yeah.

C: And the tagline of this place is "Where the laws of physics have no meaning." And the waitress, Doris, comes over, and she has some hot sauce on the tray that falls and smashes on the floor. So they go outside. They pass a barking dog. Dean expresses skepticism about this Mystery Spot. They bump into this woman carrying a stack of paper, and as she walks away, Dean like, turns fully around to look at her because I guess she's pretty.

G: Yeah! You guess she's pretty? That's the most passive aggressive thing-

C: I mean, she probably is.

G: We don't see her face that clearly.

C: I don't see her face, yeah.

G: She is the only woman in this episode.

C: Huh. No, but what about Doris? The waitress.

G: Oh, yeah! Yeah, that's true. So I was gonna say "Maybe that warrants a misogyny point," but since there were two women in this episode-

C: Yeah. Two whole women.

G: Two whole women.

C: Yeah.

G: Wait, at this point, have we passed the Bechdel Test ever in Supernatural?

C: Have two... I don't think two women have ever talked to each other in Supernatural.

G: I mean like, what's their name? Jo and Ellen.

C: Oh.

G: Maybe, right.

C: Well, I think when they talked, I feel like Jo's dad usually came up, or other times, Sam and Dean putting her in danger came up.

G: No, but there was this scene where it's like, "I want to hunt, and here's my case." But like, Sam and Dean interrupt, so I don't know if that's-

C: Yeah. I don't know

G: I can't believe, like- this is like- [laughs] When yo- the very, very, very, very bottom of the barrel of like, feminist analysis of media, you know what I mean?

C: Yeah, it's not like, particularly applicable to like, most media analysis, but it's still fun to be like, "They didn't even pass the Bechdel test."

G: Yeah.

C: And yet, sapphicnatural people continue working their asses off-

G: Literally.

C: - and I'm so proud of all of them.

G: Yeah. Exactly. Annamary shippers, on another level. That's all I'll say. Like, the shit I read for Annamary? Insane. Good for them.

C: So they passed by two people like, moving some giant cabinet or something, and one of them is like, "I told you it wouldn't fit," and the other one's like, "What do you want? A Pulitzer?" Which is, I don't understand.

G: A Pulitzer is like, for literature, right? Or like, media?

C: Yeah. So I just don't see how this is relevant to the moving of this cabinet thing. But okay, whatever.

G: The only Pulitzer Prize that I know is like, DAMN. by Kendrick Lamar. Good for him.

C: Oh, yeah. Good for him. I'm trying to remember if I- I feel like I remember books, but I also don't. So I don't.

So they go- So Sam and Dean decide that they're gonna sneak into the Mystery Spot after hours to see what's up. And they do that, and it's just- there's like this hallway with like this black spiral painted onto it that looks like a whole optical version thing, and most of the inside is just like, tables glued to the walls and shit. And then the owner shows up with a gun and is like, "What the fuck are you doing here? Are you stealing from me?" And he is very high-strung and he's yelling a lot. And Dean moves to put the gun down, and the owner shoots him, and he dies.

G: He dies.

C: Hahahaha.

G: There's like, super sad music, and like, I love the progression of like, the first few deaths have super sad music, and then once you come to the goofier deaths, it's like funky music now. And I think that's super fun.

C: Yeah, it's like [singing] "womp womp womp-"

G: Yeah, exactly. I think it's super fun. And also, something that I find super fun as someone who has watched this episode quite recently but not recently enough is that I know what the deaths are gonna be, but I don't know in what order, I don't know when it's gonna come up. I sincerely thought the very first death was Dean getting hit by the car, so like, when he didn't get hit by the car, I was like, "Ooh. I am taken in for one hell of a ride, baby!" Like, I'm so excited. And that's super fun. Guessing which one is gonna be the next death is also super fun.

C: Yeah, that is fun.

And so he's dead. It's great. I love it. It's so good.

Yeah, Sam's so sad. He's like, crying. He's going, "Oh, no, not like this. No, Dean!" Hahahahaha. And then it's the splash screen.

G: Yeah. Splash screen thirty minutes into our discussion. [both laugh]

C: Great. Love it.

G: Love that! Love that.

-

G: Okay, so we go back to Sam waking up. And he's very confused about everything because it's like, the same. And instead of doing the things that he did yesterday, he just spends pretty much the whole time like, staring at Dean like "What is happening?"

C: Yeah, and okay, like, I watched this with my ex-fiancee, and she brought up that it's fucking stupid that at no point did Sam consider that this might be a psychic dream, especially because things start out exactly the same that day.

G: They do say, like, later that "Isn't this one of your psychic dreams?" And he just straight up says, "No." And I love that. They acknowledge it, and then they just say, "No, it's not" without any explanation whatsoever. I mean, maybe his head doesn't hurt. Like maybe he's not going, "Ouchie! Oww!" and that's why it's not a psychic dream.

C: Yeah, I mean maybe it's just different now that Azazel's dead. Maybe Azazel's sending him dreams from the Empty so he doesn't have the power to make his head hurt anymore. We don't know that. He doesn't know that.

G: Yeah. I mean, I don't know. But they do acknowledge it, just not well, so. Anyway. Yeah. And as Dean gargles, he asks, like, "Are you okay?" And Sam just goes, "I had a weird dream." And then Dean goes, "Clowns or midgets?"

C: I hate everything, and I hope everyone dies.

G: At first, I was like, "Wait, Sam is also afraid of midgets?" [laughs] Because I was like, "He's afraid of clowns." And I thought Dean was talking about something he was afraid of. Which I was- like, I was shocked by this, and then I thought back to the episode with the little people. What was that one called?

C: "Everybody Loves a Clown."

G: Oh yeah, the one we hated so so so much?

C: Yeah.

G: And I was like, "No." And then I realized what the joke was about, and I was like, "I think that's even more horrible."

C: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hope Dean dies forever and ever, and he will! [G laughs] Thank you.

G: Yeah, but he goes to heaven. RIP.

C: Ugh.

G: He goes to like, fake heaven with like, terrifying ideals of what it means to be in paradise, so it's fine.

C: Yeah. Literally drove for 40 years.

G: [laughs] And people were like [mocking voice], "He didn't drive for 40 years! Like, he just drove for a bit!"

C: [mocking voice] "Time works differently!"

G: [still mocking] "And then Sam showed up!" Yeah. Like, it's okay. Take the fucking L, bro.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, he drove for 40 years.

C: [overlapping] He literally did drive for 40 years. [G laughs]

G: I mean, you can't defend the finale and also complain about it. Like, choose one lane and stick to it. Just be a hater. It's fine.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. So they enter the diner, and it's the same, like "Tuesday, pig in a poke," blah blah blah. Wait. What does pig in a poke mean? Is it like hot dogs on a stick?

C: It's like a hot dog, like- I think it's like, in some kind of a bread thing. I'm not actually sure.

G: It's like a corndog situation?

C: Sorry, I just looked up "pig in a poke" on images, and it's literally just pigs in bags, and now I'm really confused. [G laughs]

G: Well. Anyway, Dean, orders his special order. And Sam is like, "I won't have anything.": And Dean continues on, like, "We gotta look for Bela." And Sam is like, "Huh?" And then Sam starts saying like, "Doesn't it feel like this has happened before?" And Dean goes, "Like deja vu." And Sam's like, "No, no, no, like it really did happen before," and [laughs] Dean is like, "Like deja vu." And like, they just keep on going like this, and Sam just literally goes like, "Forget about fucking deja vu, man!" And Dean is like, "How is that not deja vu?" And Sam just like, is about to kill him, which he should. There is a scene in the show, in the episode, where-

C: [laughing] He does!

G: He does kill Dean! [both laughing]

C: Soo good.

G: I was like, "This is such a traumatic experience for him, but I'm having so much."

C: Yeah, I mean, this sucks for Sam. But has he considered that this has brought joy to millions of people around the world, so he should get over it? [G laughs]

G: Yeah, and he should have done it intentionally at least once. I feel like that will be like the kind of crazy shift that you do when you're on a time loop, right?

C: Yeah, right. And I feel like my ex-fiancee mentioned that we could get like a really good character moment where, like, Sam knows that it's going to be reset, so he like, yells at Dean and says a bunch of horrible things that he actually thinks about Dean-

G: Yeah.

C: - and then Dean doesn't remember the next day.

G: Yeah, but it's not that kind of episode, according to Jeremy Carver and Emily McLaughlin.

C: Yeah.

G: RIP. Yeah. Sam catches the hot sauce bottle before it falls, and it's like, "Ooh, good for him. He's so hot." [laughs]

C: His hair looks pretty good this episode.

G: Yeah. I mean, he looks iconic this episode. There's a scene where he like, rips off his shirt, and I wasn't appalled, so, good for him. [laughs] That's so mean! That's such a mean thing to say. I'm so sorry. [C laughs]

But yeah, they go out, and it's the dog, and it's the blonde girl. And Dean is like, "You know, this is crazy for us. 'Dingo ate my baby' crazy. Are you sure it's not psychic?"

C: Yeah. A dingo did eat that woman's baby, though?

G: Wait, what is this in reference to?

C: I think it was like a news story or something. Like in Australia, a dingo, which is like a wild dog thing, ran off with a woman's baby and ate it or something.

G: No, that's so horrible.

C: But people thought it was a really like, memeable sentence or something, I think.

G: Naur...

C: Let me check. I may be talking out of my ass.

G: [laughs] I feel so bad because I just said "naur," and like, you're talking about an Australian story so like, maybe to people, it sounds intention, but it wasn't. I'm so sorry.

C: Yeah, okay. So yeah, it was- Okay, yeah. So this person's actual baby- yeah. Okay, so she claimed that her 9-week-old daughter was taken from like, her tent on a camping trip by a dingo, and people were like, "That's not true." And they tried to convict her of murdering her child, but eventually the case was dismissed or something. They were like, "Yeah, you did not do it. It like, literally was a dingo who took your baby-"

G: Ate your baby? Oh my god.

C: "- and attacked it." Yeah. That must be such a fucking awful experience to go through.

G: Why were they on a camping trip?

C: What? Why did they go on a camping trip?

G: [laughing] This is like the type of shit lawyers would be asking in the courtroom. [deepens voice] "Why did you go on a camping trip with a 9-week-old baby?" That's my lawyer voice. [laughs] It's half an octave lower. Yeah.

So Sam starts saying, like, "No no no, this is way too vivid to be a premonition. And we were at the Mystery Spot, and then-" and then he cuts himself off, and he's all angsty, like he doesn't want to tell Dean that Dean dies. And Dean is like, "What happens?" and he's like [dramatically], "I woke up." [laughs] It's so dramatic! Like, just tell him. And I know he tells him the next day. But like, at this moment, I was like, "You're such a- Like, just tell him."

C: I mean, okay, I guess I get how angsty he is because like this is directly following- Like, the last episode, it ended with Dean telling Sam like, "I just realized that I actually really don't want to die. Can you please help save me?" Right? So like this is a bad- this is a really bad emotional follow-up in Sam's heart.

G: Yeah, I suppose so. That makes sense.

C: Yeah. And also, I think this is- I think the writer's strike happens a little bit after this episode, but I think that originally, "Mystery Spot" was considered as like, the season finale or even this entire show finale in case it got cancelled, which I think is wild.

G: Oh! What do you mean by this? Like at the end of the season, this is the show? Or this is like, the end of it, like, this episode.

C: It's like, the writer's strike happened, and they had a bunch of scripts written, so they had to decide like, how to order it and how to like finish out the season-

G: Oh, okay, got it, got it.

C: So this was considered as a possible-

G: As one of those. Yeah, that's fascinating. Yeah.

So Dean is like, "Okay, let's go to the Mystery Spot right now, where it's crowded." He calls Sam a freak. Love that.

C: So many times.

G: Yeah. And Dean continues walking-

C: Yeah!!!

G: He gets hit by a car, baby!

C: He gets hit by a caaar!!

G: He looks so bad in this scene. Like, I get that he's on the floor dead [C laughing], but he looks so goofy. And it's so funny because it genuinely looks, it does look so goofy, but it's like, you know. Like, it's an emotional scene. Sam is sad! But it does look goofy.

C: It's soo funny. We rewatched it two times.

G: [laughs] You're horrible.

C: We screamed and cheered so loud each time. It was so funny each time.

G: Dean dying is my sports.

C: Yeah.

-

G: So yeah. I mean, Sam wakes up again in the motel.

C: Yeah, he sure does. And you know, Sam's having a day. When they go to the diner, Sam orders for Dean, and [sighs] Dean says, "Sammy, I get all tingly when you take control like that."

G: Horrible line. I hate it.

C: At this point, are they knowing- do they know who they're catering to? How big is their fanbase at this point?

G: Exactly, that's the deal. I feel like pretty big, and most of them are like that.

C: I feel like they know at this point who they're catering to, and they're like, "Well. Let's throw them a bone."

G: When did the conventions start?

C: Huh.

G: What was the very first one?

C: There's one called like "Jus in Bello convention," right?

G: Yeah, JIBCon. That one is in like, Italy or something.

C: Yeah.

G: And it's like, famous for being the only one with a Jensen-Misha panel [laughing], which I think is so funny. They literally will not let those two men connect.

C: Interesting.

G: It's known as the one con where that happens.

C: Okay, so they did come to Comic-Con in 2007, so yeah, they'd had one of them.

G: This is way before that. This was released 2008. I mean this is way after that.

C: Yeah, yeah. But I guess they wrote this before 2008.

G: Yeah, perhaps.

C: They had like, small cons before that. Are these real? No, wait. This list includes fan conventions. So let me see.

G: Just the ones where Jared Padalecki was in.

C: 2006, okay, the Paley Television Festival, they went there. [G laughs] So that's a con that they went to officially. Aww, Jared Padalecki, he still has early Sam hair in these pictures, and it makes me forget that he's Jared Padalecki! [laughs] Okay. So yeah, they had cons.

G: The Supernatural convention circuit is actually ball-to-the-wall fucking insane if you think about.

C: Oh, definitely.

G: This is the only show that I know that does this on the reg. Like, why is it so intense? And you have people there who show up, and they were like in two episodes.

C: Yeah. It's wild.

G: What goes on?

C: I don't know.

G: Is it like literally just milking money?

C: Oh, definitely.

G: Yeah. I mean, wasn't there like one article where- or maybe like-

C: Yeah, this was an article about how someone-

G: - about how it was just like a-

C: - going to a con.

G: And he was so fucking depressed about it?

C: Yeah, he was like, "Everything felt so dull and sad, and like, the Pamela actress who was in like, two episodes, was there, and everyone was cheering and screaming for her, and all the jokes sucked, and there was no spirit there" or whatever. Yeah, it was a decent article. We have both read it.

I want to know more about like, the marketing directors of Supernatural. 'Cause, like, I feel like the cons, the #SupernaturalFamily hashtag. Like, they put a lot of work into like engineering parasocial relationships between like, the cast and the fanbase. Like, way more than any other show I've seen. And that is fascinating to me. I hope that there's a JSTOR article I can look at about this after the recording.

G: I mean, like, you know how like the #SPNFamily phenomena is very- like, you know, "Always keep fighting," blah blah, blah. And I appreciate the, you know, like the focus on, like, you know, like, building each other up mental health-wise, blah blah blah. Like, I'm not gonna be like, "Oh, that's so funny!" you know? But like, it is like a money-making machine.

C: Yeah.

G: And sometimes I do feel like, "isn't this irresponsible to put this kind of like, I mean, messaging on like something so built on being something commercial?" But you know, I am in fact not a sociologist or whoever studies this.

C: Yeah.

G: I'm just a little guy!

C: Yeah, I should ask the sociologists I know and tell them to write something.

G: I literally should.

C: Remember the J2 fallout? And I would be going on Twitter to see J2's tweets because I thought they were hilarious, and like, you'd see the replies, and these were like, people genuinely heartbroken, being like, "I can't believe this. I always thought you two were like brothers. You were like brothers to me, too," you know, like- wild! 

G: Yeah.

C: Absolutely wild! And like, these are like people experiencing, like, genuine pain and hurt over this.

G: Yeah, exactly. When you put that much emphasis on those aspects of your entertainment, it's gonna have repercussions. And I feel like the J2 fallout, like, on our side, it was absolutely hilarious, so funny-

C: The funniest thing ever.

G: Funniest thing to have ever happened, second only to [both laughing] Misha Collins coming out as straight. But like, for those people, it was horrible!

C: Yeah.

G: And that's not their fault. That was something engineered by like, the marketing, through the marketing of this.

C: Yeah. Right. Sorry to all these people. I hope you find something else fulfilling in your lives.

G: Yeah. I mean, also, if you're listening to this, and you would consider yourself one of the people that we are talking about, like, I don't want you to feel bad. That's not the point.

C: There are real people in your lives who you can become invested in who will actually be invested in you back, and I hope that you can find them and spend time with them.

G: Yeah. Also, there's nothing wrong with having like, normal [C laughs] liking of, I think, like, actors and stuff. I can't think of anyone that I feel that way about, but I mean, many people do it, so it must be normal. Like, there should be like some things, I feel, that you put a line in the sand for where it should be for you, and you know, I hope people find that line for themselves.

C: Yeah. Anyway, what the fuck were we talking about in the episode? [G laughs] Oh, the Wincest line.

G: [laughing] Wait! I just want to say, I read this headline once, where it's like, "With his exorbitant ticket prices and his-" like, exorbitant ticket prices and something about like, how he is as an entertainer, "we are owed Harry Styles's identity."

C: Oh my god.

G: Have you read this? Yeah.

C: I have not. What the fuck?

G: And it's like one of those things where sometimes, it crosses my mind, and I literally get jolted out of my psyche, like, what is this? Who are these people saying this? So yeah. I just remember it, and it's like, "Oh, okay, some people really are like this."

C: Jesus Christ.

G: So like, draw a line in the sand, you guys. Draw a line in the sand.

C: Mm. Well.

-

C: Anyway, so we're in the diner. [both laughing]

G: It's been an hour! It's been 50 minutes of us recording. What is happening??

C: [laughing] I hate this. But I'm having fun. So... [to themself] Wincest line, "control like this-" [G laughs]

G: [laughing] We were on the Wincest line, and that's what started this? I hate it here.

C: So yeah. So Sam explains that he's in a time loop, like Groundhog Day. And Dean says that this is crazy. Sam predicts the line that he's going to say afterwards. And then Doris comes over and Sam catches the hot sauce because he knew it was gonna fall.

G: Ooh.

He says that, like, for the first time. Because yesterday he was like, "Oh, I just catched it." And now he's like, [deep, serious voice] "I knew it was gonna happen, Dean." [C laughs] He literally says it like that, though. He's so agitated.

C: I mean he saw his brother die twice, I get it. [G laughs] And now he won't believe that he's in grave danger. Like, this is the funniest episode ever, but I guess if we put ourselves in Sam's shoes, we understand why he's so emo about the funniest thing in the world.

G: Yeah. That's true. He's sad for a good reason.

C: Right. And I guess for the people who were watching this for the first time who didn't really know what was going on yet, like, do you think they were actually like, super sad when Dean died that first time?

G: No. I mean, it's akin to him dying in "Faith," you know?

C: Fair. Yeah, it happens like, in the teaser. It's not gonna be permanent.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. So Sam explains that in this time loop, Dean dies. Oh, and he also says that Dean has to listen to him because "You owe me that much." Nice. Cool. Interesting happenings.

G: I think that's a reference to what he said last time, right? Like, "I want to be alive," and it's like, "No, you owe me this much because you're dying because-" blah blah blah blah blah blah. You know what I mean. Is that what he's saying by "You owe me this much"?

C: I think so. I think it's like, "You like, made a deal, and it's making me miserable, so you should listen to me." Yeah.

G: Mm-hm.

C: Right. And, you know, Dean finally listens, and he's like, "Okay, like, I don't believe you still, but sure, let's do your thing. We'll try to prevent my death. Whatevs."

-

G: Yeah. They go out, and they- I don't even know. They go to the- they were supposed to go to the Mystery Spot. So they're walking down the street, and Dean almost gets hit by the car, and he's like, "Wait. Did yesterday- did I get hit by the car?" And Sam was like, "Yeah." And he goes, "And?" [C laughs] And Sam's like, "And what?" And Dean goes, "Did it look cool? Like in the movies?"

C: Yess.

G: Yeah. I love that line, actually.

C: It's a good line. I like it.

G: I feel like that is such a- what's the term? It's so quintessentially Dean that of course he'll think that. Like, "Did it look cool? Like in the movies," like, that's how he's gonna crack that kind of joke in that kind of tense situation, and I love it.

And Sam goes, "You fucking peed yourself." [both laugh] And then Dean was like [whiny], "Of course I did! I was hit by a car! Come on!" And then they continue.

And they're in the Mystery Spot now, and they're like, interviewing the guy. And he's like- the guy- is putting on this very like, "ooh, intrigue!" voice, but Sam is having none of it. He's like, "Oh, are there anything strange that's happening here?" And the guy's like, "Strange? Strange happens all the time!" Like, he's very playing the role. Until Sam, like, straight up just gets mad, like, "Just answer the question!" And the owner is like, "Gimme a break," like, "I bought this place like, at an auction like, last March." And he's like, "Just leave me alone, dude. Like, nothing suspicious is going on here and the police scoured the place, and nothing happened." And Sam was like, super mad, and Dean tells him to "Let's just go out. Let's just go out."

C: Yeah, this guy sort of does suck, though, right? Because he says that he used to sell bail bonds.

G: What does that mean? I have no idea what that means.

C: Right, so it's like- you know, like you go to jail, and it's like-

G: Oh, okay, bail.

C: Yeah. "Oh, you have to appear on trial." Yeah, and it's like, you have to pay a certain amount, and you'll get it back- a percentage of it back- if you come to trial on time. So yeah, he was in charge of that, and I think- Right, and he would be charging the defendant some kind of a fee to like, sign off on it.

G: It's so that you're not in jail, right? Yeah.

C: Yeah. Oh, interesting. It says here that the commercial bail bond system exists only in the United States and the Philippines. [G laughing]

G: Twinning!

C: Yeah. [laughs] Twinning. Great. Love it.

G: Twinning! That was such a- like, when you said Philippines, I was like, "OMG, we're included for once. [C laughs] We're so special."

C: Yeah, I'm glad we both have an atrocious thing.

G: 'Cause usually with things like that, it's like, "It's only in the Vatican and the Philippines." But no, it's the United States. Isn't that so wonderful? [both laughing]

C: Yeah.

G: By the way, the Vatican/Philippines thing is divorce. We don't have divorce here.

C: Yeah, no divorce. Jesus Christ.

G: No divorce, baby! So it's just the Vatican and us.

C: So Dean is like, "Okay, well, the solution here is just for us to make it 24 hours without me dying." And they're walking outside on the road they were at earlier, and Sam's like, "Okay, that's a pretty good idea." And Dean says, "Who wants Chinese?" and then is immediately killed. [both laughing] Soooo true!

G: I knoww! I love this.

C: So correct.

G: Literally- [both laughing]

C: Literally, like, "You wanna eat chao mian? Fucking die."

G: Exactly.

C: Right. The movers from earlier, like, they have this rope, and they're trying to get the cabinet through a window, and the rope snaps, and it falls on Dean, and it's hilarious, and we also watched it three times.

G: I love this stuff. I think it's so much fun. It's so funny. It's so funny. And yeah, that's my take on it.

C: Yup.

G: Literally "Who wants Chinese?" And then a piano falls over your head. [C laughing]

C: Agh, it's great. Best thing ever. And, you know. "Heat of the Moment" again.

-

C: So yeah, Sam wakes up again, you know.

G: Yeah.

C: It's great.

C: You know. Yeah. What follows is sort of just like, a montage of Dean dying a lot.

G: Yeah! Love it!

C: And it's great. So fun. Best thing in the world. Sorry about all the trauma Sam's accumulating right now.

G: Yeah. [laughing] At first, he chokes on a sausage.

C: I knowww. I know. I know.

G: I love that. I love it because he chokes on a sausage, and then he dies by eating tacos, which is like, excellent bisexual representation, I feel like. [C laughing]

C: Noo, for real! Yeah. Right. It's so, so good. Right. Like Dean's like, "I'm gonna change up this whole time loop thing by ordering sausage instead of bacon," and then he immediately dies for sucking dick.

G: Yeah.

C: It's not even a big bite. Like, you see him bite it. It is not a big bite. He's so weak. He could not deep throat.

G: [at the same time] He has a weak throat game.

C: Yeah.

G: He is not the throat GOAT is all I am saying.

C: I literally said that exact sentence to my ex-fiancee. [G laughs] God.

G: He isn't the throat GOAT. Sorry, guys.

C: Yeah. And then- right, Sam prevents Dean from going to the diner the next day, and then Dean, like, slips in the shower and hits his head. And then, right, they get takeout, they get tacos, and Dean says-

G: He goes, "Does this taco-"

C: "-taste funny to you?"

G: [laughing] "Does this taco taste funny to you?" And then it immediately cuts to Sam waking up, which I think is hilarious. I love that he wasn't even like, "Oh, I have food poisoning, let me vomit." Like, it immediately is just like, "Okay, he dies. Okay. Next death."

C: Next death. Yeah. How bad- like, what do you think was in the taco that could kill Dean within 24 hours?

G: I mean, like, if you get food poisoning, there are some food poisonings that's like, within the hour, right?

C: Oh, really? Huh.

G: I mean, yeah.

C: Didn't know that. That sounds bad.

G: I don't know which ones specifically, so I may be wrong. Not a doctor! [both laugh] To much of my parents' disappointment. [both laughing]

C: Yeah.

G: So real. I remember when we started this podcast, and I was like, "I'm gonna become a doctor!" Oh my god. Young Grey was so hopeful.

C: Did you say that? For real?

G: I think I really did say, "I'm gonna become a doctor" in the podcast.

C: God, that's hilarious.

G: I think I said, "I may or may not become a doctor." And then that changed.

C: Yeah. Currently, we've promised the listeners that you're gonna be a lawyer, right?

G: I know. Yeah.

C: Yeah. Let's see how that one goes.

And then in the next scene, Dean gets electrocuted by like, plugging in his razor to the wall.

G: Yeah, and it's a funny scene, too. The electrocution is pretty funny.

C: It is pretty funny. The like, special effects team did a really good job this episode at like, making things very comedic.

G: Yeah! So real.

C: [laughing] And then we have a scene where [G laughs] Sam has gone a little off the rails. They have duct-taped and tied up the owner of the Mystery Spot, and Sam's like, hacking the walls open with an axe. And then Dean's telling Sam to calm down, and then, like, he goes to like, argue with Sam, and the argument is offscreen, but like, you can hear like, "Hey, stop swinging that axe around. Like, give it to me." "No, give it to me!" And then, like, blood sprays on the tied-up guy's face. [laughs]

G: Yes!

C: Sam literally killed Dean. He murdered that man.

G: He literally did kill Dean. And I love that this is a comedic moment.

C: He manslaughtered that man, but it's still so funny.

G: Manslaughtered or man's laughter? You choose. [C laughing]

I literally laughed as a man, so it was man's laughter.

C: It was man's laughter.

G: It was so funny. Like, I did not remember that this scene happened, and when it happened, I was so shocked. Like, they literally made Sam kill Dean! [C laughs] I was so shocked.

C: And they don't do anything with that! 

G: They- Literally, they were like, "We're not gonna focus on this. We're not going to think about it. It just happened, okay? It's okay."

C: Yeah. God bless.

G: It's literally not okay, though. But like- [laughs] God.

C: Yeah, like Sam remembers all of this.

G: Yeah!

C: Yeah, like, does that not bother him sometimes? Remember when demon!Dean chased Sam around with an axe in the bunker?

G: Yeah, exactly! That's what I was thinking. It's like that, yeah.

C: Right. Was Sam like, "Well."

G: That was his revenge.

C: Yeah. [laughs]

Oh, also- right, no, okay. My ex-fiancee made a joke, and I promised her that I'd put it in, even though she said it wasn't funny, and it was "Dean will never get a reservation at Dorcia now!" So yeah.

G: I have no idea what that means. What's Dorcia?

C: Oh, it's an American Psycho- or is it pronounced door-sha? It's an American Psycho reference because the shot with the axe and the spraying on the face is very similar.

G: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

C: Anyway.

-

G: So we go to this diner scene, and Sam is genuinely so fucking upset. He's so sad. And he, you know, completely straight-faced. The cashier is like, hands like, Mr. Pickett the key or something-

C: Yeah, it's his car-

G: And Sam swipes it off the guy. And then, you know, it's- there's a man there, and he has like, pancakes and maple syrup. And okay, this guy, the guy who's like, ordering pancakes and maple syrup, he becomes visible this scene. Like, he was- he was in the other scenes, but not as visibly as he is here, and like, for obvious reasons, as we go later in the episode. But I do wish that like- there's like one scene where he passes by someone or something by the camera, and it's very clear. And I wish that they had that at least at the very beginning so there's a sense of like, you know, like, "Ooh, it's that guy." Instead of like, just hammering it in here at the end. Yeah. That's my only complaint. It's okay.

C: Yeah.

G: So Dean orders his food, and Sam is like- and Doris is like, "What do you want, young man?" at Sam. And Sam is like, "You know what I want? What I'd like for you is to log in some more hours at the archery range. You're a terrible shot." [laughs]

C: Yeah, I'm so sad we didn't see the scene where she accidentally kills Dean with an archery bow and arrow! That would be so cool.

G: I know. I like, was scouring my brain like, "When did Doris kill Dean Winchester?" And the answer is, "Not in this episode, she didn't."

C: Yeah. Probably in like, a cut scene for time or something, which is so sad.

G: Yeah. They should have put it in, because I feel like women deserve to [laughing] kill Dean Winchester.

C: I agree.

G: Yeah, so.

C: Especially because he calls her like, "sweetheart" at some point when he- when he orders something. And I don't- like, people seem to be acting like this is just like, diner etiquette in like, fic-

G: Is it?

C: I don't think it is!

G: Yeah, I also don't think it is. But I mean, diner cultures and like, tip culture and stuff like that, like-

C: Hm.

G: Okay, I know we talked about tips before, but I'm gonna ask this. I don't think I asked this before. Is there not a service fee? Like, why- like, if you go to a restaurant and you pay, do they not add like, 8% or something as service fees?

C: For large parties, they will add something as a service fee.

G: Large parties as in a party, or like a group of people.

C: Like, at least- I think it's like, 6 or more or something like that.

G: Oh. Why don't they just do that for everything?

C: I don't know. Because they love paying people below minimum wage.

G: Yeah. Anyway.

Doris is like, "How'd you know that?" And Sam's like, "Lucky guess," and he's so angry and upset. And Dean asks like, "Oh, what's this thing you're in again?" And Sam's like, "Time loop." And he's very upset. He's like, "There's no way to stop it." Dean goes, "Oh, aren't you so grumpy?" And Sam's like, "Yeah, I am. You know why? Because this is the hundredth- hundredth- one hundredth- Tuesday in a row that I've been through.

C: This has been going-

G: And he goes, "It never stops."

C: What was I even doing 3 months? Jesus Christ.

G: Well, fucking recording this podcast! [both laugh]

C: That's true.

G: This is the only constant in my life. [laughs] Like, everything changes, but the fact that we are recording a Supernatural podcast will stay the same.

C: That's true. That is good.

G: And he starts doing this thing where everything that he- that is about to happen, he says it. So he says "hot sauce," and then the waiter arrives, and the hot sauce falls, and it's like, "Ooh!" And Dean goes like, "Nice reflexes." And Sam's like, [seriously] "I knew it was gonna happen, Dean. I know everything that's gonna happen." Dean is like, "You don't know everything." And Sam goes, "Yeah, I do." And then he starts mimicking Dean's every sentence and then responding and then mimicking the next sentence and responding, and it's actually quite funny.

C: It's so funny. It's very like- It's fast-paced, it's good, like, they're both like, leaning in aggressively. Like, it's good.

G: Yeah. And it's like, "Yeah, right." "Nice guess." And it's like [laughs], it's super fun, and then he was like, "You think you're being funny, but you're being really really childish! Sam Winchester wears makeup. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the side of his bed and-" It's actually pretty funny.

C: Yeah. "Every morning, he wakes up and-" They don't let him finish and say that he measures his penis, but-

G: Literally-

C: It's important to measure your bottom growth while you're on T! It's a good thing to keep track of!

G: Exactly.

C: It's not his fault. Yeah.

G: It's not his fault!

C: Okay, yeah. Okay. Which of those things do you think is true? Well, I think that it would be very cool and sexy of Sam to wear makeup. And [laughing] I think he does cry during sex. [G laughs]

G: No, we've seen him, but he's very...

C: Right. [laughs] That's true. Sam's sexsona [G laughs] is very different from Sam.

G: I love that. Sexsona. I'm gonna start integrating that to my vocabulary.

C: Alright. [laughs] Knock yourself out.

G: I mean, I think Sam wearing makeup is fun. What kind of makeup do you think he'll wear? Maybe eyeliner?

C: Yeah, I was gonna say eyeliner.

G: Perhaps even... guyliner? [C laughing]

C: Maybe even guyliner.

I feel like Sam would have had like a goth or like, punk phase at some point when he was like, "I'm gonna make Dad really angry." But John was never around long enough to see Sam in the like, fishnets and eyeliner, anyway.

G: Yeah.

Sam is like, walking down the street now- Oh, no no no. So Sam is saying that like, Randy the cashier is skimming through the register, and like, he starts outlining like, every single person in the diner and saying, like, "This person is doing that, this person is doing that. I've lived through every possible Tuesday. I've watched you die every possible way. I have ripped apart the Mystery Spot, burnt it down-" [both laughing] He's fucking crazy, dude.

C: God! I can't believe we didn't get to see the arson scene! It'd be so fun.

G: Yeah!

C: He would probably look soo good like, turning his back to the fire, and, like the lighting would be so good. [laughs] Anyway.

G: Yeah. And he's like, "I tried to save your life, and I really can't. No matter what I do, you die, and then I wake up, and then it's Tuesday again." And like, I like that line because it's like, foreshadowing also for season 3. Like, no matter what happens, you die. That's just it.

C: Yeah.

G: And maybe you need an angel to resurrect you. [C laughs]

C: Maybe so.

-

C: So. They are walking outside. Sam predicts what everyone's gonna say as they pass by people. And when the woman who bumped into them the first time bumps into them, Dean says out loud, "She's kind of cute" and then turns around and like, is like, "Okay, I'm gonna break the cycle." So he runs after her, and he asks her if he can have one of her flyers. And it's a missing poster that she's made for her dad, who is the professor that they are doing this whole- that they were doing this original case about. So, you know, that's interesting. And then [laughs] Sam goes to follow her to ask her some questions, and Dean sees the dog, and he goes, "Hi, buddy!"

G: He goes, "Hi, little doggy!"

C: "Somebody need a friend?"

G: [laughing] And then the dog kills him!

C: "Who's a good boy?" And then there's a growl, and he screams. [laughs] So true.

G: Has a dog ever attacked you? What's your relationship with dogs?

C: I mean, I like dogs well enough. I think once, there was a dog that like, chased me down the street, and that was pretty scary. [both laugh]

G: Yeah, it is.

C: But the owner got it under control eventually. My sister really likes dogs, but also, I think, like, our neighbor's dog once like, chewed up her favorite stuffed animals, so maybe she holds a grudge against dogs because of that.

G: Aww.

C: But yeah, dogs are all right.

G: Yeah. I once got bitten in the mouth-

C: What?

G: In the lip.

C: How? Jesus.

G: Buy our dog. 

C: Nooo!

G: So it's like, our dog. It's fine. It's okay.

C: Okay.

G: And I had to get injected like, on the lip by like, the anti-rabies was on the arm, and then the other injection, I think, was like, anti-tetanus-

C: Tetanus?

G: - was injected to me on the lip. I don't know. Like, because it was so near my brain they had to inject something else. I don't know if it's tetanus. And I had a swollen lip for like, a whole week, and it was super fun. [C laughs] Yeah, but like, that dog is so sweet. She's just a little like, you know, hyper, but she's so sweet. Yeah, I love dogs.

C: Yeah.

G: [laughs] And I feel like it's true sometimes that dogs can feel when a person has bad vibes. Like, if it's a generally good dog-

C: Yeah.

G: - and if you have bad vibes-

C: So you're saying you have bad vibes?

G: So my point here is- No, no, no! The dog was like, playing with me, and that's why she accidentally bit my lip.

C: Aww.

G: Like, she's like, super excited to see me, and I was like, "Hello! Hello! How are you?" and then like, she bit my lip.

C: Aw.

G: I'm saying Dean [laughs]- I'm saying Dean has bad vibes.

C: Ohh. So fucking true. He does have terrible, terrible vibes.

-

C: So Sam wakes up again. "Heat of the Moment"'s playing. And they're in the diner, and Sam notices that the man with the pancakes- in the past, he's always had a thing of maple syrup next to him, but this time, it's pink. It is strawberry syrup. And-

G: You know how he notices this?

C: What?

G: Don't you think it's so funny? Because they were- like, Sam did some research on what the girl said, probably, right? And he's like, "Oh, this guy, he's spent his whole life crapping on mystery spots, like, debunking them and stuff." And Dean actually goes, "Oh, you did a lot of research," and Sam is like, "Yeah, heh." At this point, he didn't tell Dean that like, he's dying over and over again. And then Dean, like says, like, "Isn't it so ironic? Like, it's kind of poetic. It's like just desserts." 

C: Oh, yeah.

G: And Sam goes, "You're right. That is just desserts." [laughing] And then his eyes linger over at the dessert.

C: Yeah. That's fun.

G: [laughing] And it's soo stupid! It's so stupid, but it's so fun, so I support that 100%.

C: Right. So Sam notices this, and he's like, "What the fuck. This is something new." And he runs outside. He's about to run outside to follow this guy because he says, "Nothing ever changes in this diner except for me." And then he's immediately hit with the sleep blast, and he wakes up again.

G: I know! That's actually like, amazing story telling, I feel.

C: Yeah, I like that a lot.

G: To tell us that he's on the right track, that the Trickster literally just woke him up already. I love that.

C: Yeah, it's good.

G: I think it's pretty cool. And then he wakes up, and he's got Super Serious Sam Face.

C: [laughs] Yes.

G: And he's like, man on a mission. And Sam follows- like, they're in a diner, and then Sam follows the guy, and he corners him and puts a stake- is it by his neck? By his throat, right?

C: Yeah.

G: And the man is like, [begging] "Oh my god, please don't kill me!" [laughs] Every time I make a voice now, I remember that one person who was like, "I like the voices that Grey makes in the podcast," [C laughs] and I'm like, "Aww, thank you." Somebody  appreciates the little voices I make.

C: Yeah, they're good.

G: Sam keeps on insisting that like, "Yeah. You just give people just desserts. You love that, don't you?" Yeah. And it's like- the thing is like, the guy has a sweet tooth. The Trickster has a sweet tooth, which they don't mention in this episode, but it's true. Like, we've established that. So yeah. I actually thought what happens here is he sees the guy eating a lollipop, and that's how he figures it out.

C: No, that was in-

G: I think it's "Changing Channels," yeah yeah yeah.

Finally, they just- the man is like, insistent that he's just some guy. And Sam is like, "No! Don't fucking lie to me. I know who you are." And the man is like- Oh, no, no, Sam says, "I know who you are. We killed one of your kind before." And the Trickster goes, "Actually, you didn't!" And then transforms into Gabriel. 

C: Whoo!

G: Well, the Trickster at this point. Do we like Gabriel or do we not like Gabriel?

C: I don't like him very much, but like- yeah. That's it, actually.

G: Completely understand that. I mean, I think the whole like, suave guy who's very like, "I'm gonna have sex," blah blah blah, is like, a bit tired, you know?

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, I think there are ways to be a guy who has sex without being like a sleazy motherfucker, you know?

C: Yeah. I agree.

G: Yeah. And I don't think this is like a symptom-

C: I mean, the last time we saw him, it was like, awful. He was just making women out of thin air to giggle and have sex with him.

G: Yeah.

C: Like, that's shitty. I don't like it.

G: Yeah. And we have-

C: And I know he's gonna be in "Hammer of the Gods," so I already hate him for that.

G: Yeah. And I mean, his character is like- I don't know. Don't like it that much. And it's so absolutely hilarious to me that people ship him with Sam. [laughs] It's so funny.

C: I mean, yeah, I mean, again, I cannot cast judgment yet but, you know.

G: Yeah. Will you cast judgment in season 14 when they Sabriel bait to hell and back?

C: I- probably. Yes. Oh, wait, someone I follow on Tumblr wrote a Sabriel fic recently, and I wanted to read it before this episode, so that I could recommend another Sabriel fic, but I didn't read it, so I can't recommend it yet.

G: RIP. R.I.P.

So Sam's like, "Why are you doing this?" And the trickster's like, "You literally tried to fucking kill me. That's why I'm doing this."

C: Which is fair.

G: And he said that the guy who he killed didn't believe in wormholes, "so I dropped him in one."

C: [laughs] Jesus Christ.

G: Wormhole being like, space wormhole?

C: I guess. Like, I don't even know.

G: Isn't that- Okay, I'm not a science-y guy-

C: Aren't wormholes proven? It's, okay, a hypothetical.

G: Yeah. But like, there's stuff that like, are hypothetical above the universe that are like, you know, you don't go out and say like, "I don't believe in wormholes."

C: Right. [laughs]

G: Like, who says that, for real? Who is willing to stand that ground?

C: I mean, what was he a professor of? What was he a professor of?

G: I think physics.

C: Oh, then, okay, then, that makes sense, I think. Like, academics get really fired up. Like, some biologists care so much about whether or not the meteors actually completely wiped out the dinosaurs, or if there's like-

G: No, I mean, that's like, a for real thing, though. Like, "The meteor wiped out the dinosaurs, what percentage of that is true?" is like, an actual thing that did happen.

C: Yeah. But like-

G: But something theoretical, something hypothetical- Well, okay, I get what you mean. Theoretical is not the right word.

C: Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, I think his position is just like, "I understand that the math says that wormholes are possible, but I don't think that any of them actually exist." I understand, like, caring strongly about that if you're a physics professor.

G: Yeah, perhaps.

C: God, what a thing for Gabriel to do, though. Is he really strongly on pro-wormhole side of the debate?

G: I mean, do you think like, this is them canonizing it in Supernatural that wormholes do exist?

C: Yeah, I guess so. Right. I guess Gabriel was annoyed because this guy like, went around and thought he was Mythbusters and like, went and reviewed a bunch of tourist traps that were wormhole-related. But like, still. Come on, dude. What a thing to get worked up about.

G: Yeah. This guy's jobless. Start a podcast. [both laugh] That's my advice to Gabriel so that he can better his life. He should start a podcast.

C: Yeah, yeah. I'm sure that it will not make him any more annoying in any way.

G: Yeah, exactly.

C: I think BABPod has made me worse.

G: Sam asks, like, "Is this fun for you?" I love that phrase.

C: Yeah.

G: "Is this fun for you, killing Dean over and over?" And he's like "Well, one, yes, it is fun. Two, it's not about that. It's about you, Sam."

C: So good.

G: "Watching your brother die every day." Sam says "son of a bitch." Whoo! [laughs]

C: So the whole time, he has Gabriel like, pinned against a wall, semi-homoerotically, and like they're like-

G: I know!

C: And I think- okay. And like Dean is just standing off to the side, like, occasionally making like, facial expressions.

G: He's like, "Okay." Is this gay slug reaction?

C: Right. And my ex-fiancee was like, "Dean has such 'I to am in this episode' vibes in this scene," and I love that.

G: Oh yeah! I thought about that. But, like, I think there is still some- like, he's not a real person this episode, Dean Winchester.

C: Yeah. Yeah, they fridge him. [G laughing]

G: I mean, I will neither confirm nor deny that statement. [C laughs] But yeah, I love that he to is in this episode.

C: Mm.

G: Yeah. Sam says, "you son of a bitch." Love that. [C laughs] And yeah, the Trickster says the thesis of what he's doing, which is, "How long will it take you to realize you can't save your brother, no matter what." And Sam is like, "Okay, I'll kill you then." And the Trickster is like, "Well, I'll just make you wake up, and then it's gonna be Wednesday." And he says, "If you don't believe me, you know where I am, which is having pancakes in a diner."

C: He literally doesn't have to go back there, though. Like, he can walk somewhere else. This is not a good promise.

G: Yeah. And then Sam wakes up, and it's not playing Asia anymore.

C: Yeah. So okay, what is-

G: You know I have a cousin named Asia?

C: Huh. Nice.

G: Maybe it is a name.

C: Yeah, it is a name, I think I've met-

G: I know someone named Filipina, I think.

C: [laughs] Nice.

G: Filipino or something. And then- yeah, it was a schoolmate. Fun times! Imagine being named- what's the Chinese word for Chinese?

C: Like, zhong'guo or- well, okay, there's a word "hua," like hua'ren, which means Chinese people, and that is [laughing] one of the characters in my Chinese name. [G laughs]

G: So real!

C: My name is literally China.

G: So real.

C: Yeah. So like, what the fuck is Gabriel's motivation here? Like, why does he care whether or not Sam realizes that he can't save Dean?

G: I mean, he just wants to fuck with them! But like, his actual motivations? Well, maybe it's like- Does he know that they are the vessels? He does, right?

C: Yeah, yeah. I was trying to think about it in terms of that, too, because, like, if Sam actually succeeds in saving Dean, then, like, the first seal would never be broken. But, like, Gabriel doesn't want the- does he want the apocalypse? I don't think he does, does he?

G: I don't know. Like, from his motivation later, what we're made to feel or think is that he just wants out. Like, he doesn't wanna be involved.

C: Huh. He's being quite involved right now.

G: I think- no, no, no. like. I think what's happening, 'cause like, in "Changing Channels," it's like, "play your part." And like, I feel like here, it's also that. Like, "If the apocalypse is gonna happen, so be it. Just play your fucking part. Like, let Dean die because that's what's supposed to happen."

C: Yeah.

G: Wow. Excellent character analysis happening in BABPod right now. [C laughs]

C: So true. You just have to wade through like, 2 hours of nonsense. [G laughs]

G: Hey, I'm gonna cut it out! It's gonna be at the end of the episode.

C: I love that. The episode will end, and then there will be half an hour afterwards. [G laughing]

G: Of just random shit we've talked about? That's so real. This is- I'm gonna keep this in the episode so that people know that there is something at the end of some episodes where we just talk shit.

C: Yeah, that's exciting.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. But also I feel like a lot of Sabriel motivation also comes from this episode where they're like, "He's just psychosexually obsessed with Sam. Why else would he put him through these mind games?" [laughs] Which I think is a very fun interpretation.

G: Yeah, perhaps. Yeah.

C: Yeah. So it is indeed a new song on the radio, and it is Wednesday. And Dean's like, "Yeah, duh." And- right. Dean asks how many Tuesdays Sam had, and, you know, Sam asks what Dean remembers, and apparently, Dean just remembered the last day with them running into the Trickster and all that. So he does not know a lot of the details. So yeah, he also just remembered the Trickster and then just woke up. But he is apparently totally fine with not remembering a whole day. And Sam says that they should get the fuck out of town. And we cut to the scene where, you know, Dean's loading up Baby, ready to go, and then Cal shows up, who's the guy from the diner earlier, who, like, the waitress was trying to kick out, and he has a gun, and he is trying to mug Dean. He, you know, is not- clearly like, going through something. He's not doing well. And he is also telling Dean to give him his wallet. And Dean goes like, "Hey. Let's just talk about this." And then there's a gunshot, and Dean's dead. Hahahahaha! It's so funny.

G: RIP.

C: Yeah, and Sam's devastated, you know, because this one's actually gonna count. And he's, you know, begging him like, "No, please not today," etc., etc. And he waits to wake up, and he doesn't. RIP.

How much time does he have left on his deal?

G: I don't know. Which is why I think this episode is fascinating. Maybe- I think around 6 months, maybe, he has.

C: Oh, wait, I thought the initial deal was for 6 months. Was it for a year?

G: A year, yeah yeah yeah.

C: Well, we're more than halfway through this season, so I would assume that he has less than 6 months.

G: Yeah, yeah. Perhaps.

C: Yeah. Well, F to Dean.

G: Yeah. I felt emotional when Sam said, like, "I'm supposed to wake up." I was like, "Aww!" Poor him. Like, all he wanted to do was get out of the loop, and now he's out, and it's like, actually worse. That's so sad, and he's wishing he's back in.

-

G: Anyway, 6 months later, Sam's driving down the road. He's so sad.

C: I know he's having an awful time, but it's just so funny. It's so funny how dramatic and sad he is.

G: He is so dramatic and sad. And it's like Bobby leaving him a voicemail like, "You took care of that demon in Death Valley, but it's been three months since we talked, so it'd be nice if you would give me a call."

C: Yeah.

C: Do you think it's- do you think Sam throwing himself in hunting after Dean's death is what you would imagine would happen?

G: No.

C: Yeah. It doesn't feel right. But I don't know what I would imagine.

G: I think here, because here, he's hunting something down, like, he's hunting the Trickster down. So it makes sense, because it's like, for revenge. Like, there is a very concrete way to avenge it, in comparison to like, if he died in "Faith."

C: Mm-hm.

G: Like, that's not the monster's fault. That's Dean being a stupid ass. [both laugh]

C: Right. Yeah, yeah. So all these other cases are just like, side hustles, I guess. Or like, he saw something and he was like, "Maybe the Trickster's here," but it was something else, and he was like, "Okay, time to do different murders than the one I planned."

G: Mm-hm. Exactly. Yeah. So what happens next is [laughs], Sam literally steps out of the car, and he's bloody. And he goes to a room, like a bathroom or something, and he- he's bloody, right? So he starts cutting up his shirt, and then he, like, takes out a bullet from his abdomen.

C: Yeah, with tweezers himself. God.

G: And they're doing the thing where they're like, "He's so rough and tough, baby. He doesn't even flinch!" Girl, flinch.

C: I- did they try to make this like, sexual in any way, or am I just a terrible person? [G laughs]

G: You wanna fuck his bullet hole? What's-

C: Noo! God, no. I just feel like the angle that this was shot at. Okay, yeah, I feel like the "he's so rough and tough" is often shot in a way that is sexual because virility is related to like, toughness and masculinity, so yeah, I think it was just all packaged together.

G: Mm-hm. Yeah, perhaps. But yeah. And then, you know, it's voiceover again of Bobby going, "I'm worried about you! Tell me you're not sitting alone-" like, it's so funny because he's sitting down, and he's staring at this wall of red string. You know, the ones. And Bobby is like, "Tell me you're not sitting alone, completely obsessed with the Trickster" and stuff like that. And he mentions another case that Sam did good at, and finally, it's a voice message again of Bobby saying that- saying, "I found him."

C: Yeah, okay. Also, like, there's a scene where, like, in the montage, where it's like, Sam wakes up, and he like, sits up in bed like a fucking Sim.

G: Love that.

C: Like, did you notice this? Like, just fully straight back, like, bending only at like, the hip.

G: Ohh, okay! Yeah, yeah, yeah. The one where he's like, he brushes his teeth, right?

C: I think?

G: I don't know.

C: King of dental care

G: King of dental care.

C: Yeah, I don't know. It's just- it's so funny. Jared Padalecki sure is an actor. He was like, "In order to portray grief, he will not change his face at any second, and he will cut his food with a knife in the most like, dramatic way ever-" and yeah, I just-

G: He literally- yeah.

C: Like, 6 months is like, a long time. Like, grief is a lot, but it is not like, monotone, you know?

G: Yeah, I feel like-

C: Like, there are moments where you're like laughing hysterically; there are moments of joy; there are moments of crying. Like, you can't just be like, stolid and stoic the entire time.

G: Yeah, like, grief is an ugly, ugly thing, and I feel like Supernatural is so afraid of that ugliness. Like, because it could be seen as way too emotional. Like, you know, like, they don't even let Dean cry when John dies. He just smashes up a car because it looks cool. [C laughs] Like, when Charlie dies, no one sheds a tear. Everyone's just mad.

C: Dean just yells and tells Sam that he wishes that it was him.

G: Yeah. I thought to myself, "Yeah." And then, "The only time Dean cried was like, when Mary died and also when Cas died," and my heart like did like a little like, "ough!"

C: Aww.

G: So sad. Devastating!

C: I have seen the scene where Sam cries over Dean's body in the season 3 finale [G laughs], and I think that that was actually a decent amount of crying?

G: Yeah, but it's not like- Like, Supernatural, is not good at like showing-

C: Yeah, the whole process.

G: - grief as like, a long period of time. Or, I don't know. I think they did the grieving John- Do you think they did that well? I was gonna say I think they did it well, but like, eh. I don't know.

C: I don't remember season 2 anymore. That's the past. That was a different Crystal. That was a different show.

G: Yeah. It was a long time ago.

C: Yeah. [laughs]

-

C: So Sam finally goes to Bobby because of the call about how Bobby has found a way to get the Trickster. And, you know, he has a book; there is a whole ritual set up, and Bobby like, comes over and he hugs Sam. God, isn't it so sad that, like-

G: This is fake Bobby?

C: Yeah, how many Sam and Bobby hugs do we ever get? Like, okay, like, the last- like, the first time we see Bobby like, seeming to be really nice to Sam, he was just tricking Sam because he knew that, like, Meg was possessing him. And now this is fake Bobby hugging Sam. It's sad.

G: Mm-hm. Yeah. I mean, I hate it.

C: Yeah. Like, okay, Dean says things about how Bobby's like a dad to him, and I guess Bobby sometimes talks about Sam and Dean as his sons, like, together in one sentence. But like, does he ever do anything for Sam specifically?

G: Bobby?

C: Yeah. [G laughing]

G: I mean, there was a scene where he was like, "I'm gonna play baseball with the kids," and it's just Dean! [C laughing] I love that so much. Like, he didn't even take Sam out to play ball with him. It was just Dean.

C: [laughing] God, that's so funny.

G: I think about that constantly.

C: God bless.

G: God fucking bless.

C: Yeah, Sam to is in my family.

G: Yeah!

C: Yeah, so yeah. Bobby hugs Sam, and he says that there's a summoning ritual to bring the Trickster here, and what they need is a gallon of blood that is fresh. And Sam says that it means we have to bleed a person dry. It didn't say it all had to be from the same person, right?

G: Yeah.

C: Like, we looked this up, and a gallon is 8 pints. If you get 8 people, like, it would just be like a blood drive donation each.

G: Yeah.

C: And like, right, and my ex-fiancee was like, "This is why hunters need like, more of a community or whatever." Because if you just hit up the hunter groupchat and say, like, "There's this dangerous reality-bending thing that we're after, and what we need is 8 total pints of blood," like, people would volunteer, and they would drive over.

G: Yeah, I think so too.

C: It's stupid.

G: I love the concept of a hunter groupchat.

C: [laughs] Yeah.

G: Yeah. Who do you think is the guy that's like, sending like, you know those memes that are like, "Good morning!"

C: [laughing] What?

G: Do you have like a- do you not have a family member who sends like, good morning text to everyone in the groupchat?

C: Huh.

G: "Have a good day," and it's like a purple butterfly, sparkly Picsart thing. [C laughs] I'm serious!

C: No, I trust that this is true, but, no, I don't think so. I mean, some of my family members are more like, WeChat sticker-heavy than other ones-

G: Oh, yeah, of course.

C: But yeah, I don't know about that.

G: In the US, what's- is it iMessage? Well, you don't have iMessage. But what do people do, usually, for messaging? What application?

C: Hm. I think most people just use, like, text. Like SMS.

G: Yeah, but like, you need load for that.

C: You need what for that?

G: Load. It's the- [laughing]

C: Load?

G: That's such a funny thing to say. Is that not something you say in the US? You need load?

C: You need a fat load on your face? What? [G laughing]

G: Load, as in like, to text someone, you need something in your phone, like load. I don't- [laughs] This is so stupid.

C: Huh. Maybe this is a real thing, and I'm revealing myself as a dumbass right now.

G: Wait, wait. Load. What is it called?

Ah, okay! "In America and many other countries, people have a cell phone data plan by the month." Is this what you have?

C: Yeah. Wait, do you not? Is this not how cell phones work?

G: Well, there are people who do that, but that's usually like, rich people. "In the Philippines and many other countries, you buy data by time." Here, it's called loading your phone. You buy load. "What is load called in other countries?" And it's on Quora, and I have to start a free trial to see the full response, and I'm not going to. [C laughs]

C: Huh. Yeah. I think everyone- I feel like I haven't really met many people who can't just use SMS messaging. Yeah, I guess people-

G: Oh, in the UK, it's called "top up." It's called prepaid.

C: Oh, that's what that means. Interesting. I always assumed people charging their phones.

G: No, charging is like for battery.

C: Yeah, no no no- when one people said "top up" their phone in British shows, I assumed they meant they had to charge them.

G: Yeah, yeah. In the Philippines, it's called prepaid and post-paid. Post-paid is you pay it after, so you have a plan, and then prepaid is you pay it before. So you buy load, and then you use up the load, which is what I do.

C: Huh. Neat.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah.

G: Anyway. So yeah, you just have load, then. Love that.

C: Yeah. Just have load. So-

G: [laughs] Lots and lots of loads.

C: Yup.

And Bobby says that, "Oh, this is only going to work if we do it tonight, or else it won't work for another 50 years!"

G: Love that.

C: And Sam's fucking ready to murder a guy. Sam's like, "Okay, cool."

G: I mean, we can assume that the reason why-

C: That's true.

G: - is he knows this is not Bobby.

C: Yeah, so he could just be saying shit. Yeah.

G: Yeah.

C: But what what point does he know that it's not Bobby?

G: I don't know. Well, at what point did you know it's not Bobby?

C: I mean, I already knew, because I knew that Sam kills Bobby but doesn't actually kill Bobby in this episode.

G: Ugh. Loser.

C: Sorry. I think I saw a post-

G: I didn't know that. I completely forgot this.

C: You forgot? You forgor?

G: Yeah.

C: Oh, that's fun.

G: I forgor.

C: At what point did you know that it wasn't him?

G: Oh, when he was like, "You have to kill me." [both laugh] I was like, "This is not Bobby. Bobby does not give a fuck about Sam." [C laughing]

C: But he cares about Dean.

G: No, I mean, he was like- Do you think he's gonna be like, to Dean, like, "Dean, your brother is dead. Like, you have to move on." And then to Sam, he's like, "Let's bring Dean back!" Do you think this is gonna happen?

C: [laughing] No, I don't. Yeah, you're right. He would just say, "Get over it, boy-"

G: "Get over it, boy."

C: - and then slap Sam on the back or something.

G: Yeah.

C: Okay, but also, okay, this whole 6 months is like, real, though, right?

G: Yeah yeah yeah. I do like-

C: Where's the actual Bobby, and how did he take Dean's death?

G: I mean-

C: Also, isn't it sad? I assumed that Ellen would also be calling Sam during this time, but we only get Bobby voicemails.

G: I don't know. I mean, it's not relevant to his journey.

C: Yeah.

G: Maybe Ellen's voicemail was like- she didn't know about the hunt, and like, what we needed to know as the audience is that Sam has been hunting, so...

C: Right, yeah.

G: It was erased. Viciously.

C: Yeah. Sad.

G: Sad!

C: So Bobby's like, "You break my heart, kid." 'Cause yeah, he says, like, "I don't want you to murder an innocent man, and I only brought you here because you would not come and see me unless it was something related to the Trickster. And I thought that this would sort of snap you out of it." And yeah, Sam's like, [whiny] "It's none of your business what I do! Just let me kill people! Get over it!" So yeah, Bobby's like, "Okay, if you want Dean back so bad, then like, here. Kill me instead, 'cause it's better than a civilian." And he hands Sam, like, a big ol' knife. And Bobby's like, "Hey, okay. It's okay. I'm old!" And Jim Beaver proceeds to be in 12 more seasons of Supernatural and also The Boys. "I'm old! Like, I'm gonna die soon! But like, you can keep like, hunting and saving people, but you can't do it without Dean, so I will do this for you." So like, yeah. That shit. Yeah and he says that Sam and Dean the closest thing that he has family God, and what is Rufus to you? Chopped liver? Get over yourself. [G laughs]

Well, but it's Gabriel. Gabriel doesn't know about Rufus, I guess.

G: Yeah.

C: And yeah, Bobby like, turns around and he's like, kneeling. He's like, ready to get his head chopped off execution style, or something. And-

G: Yeah. [laughs] It's such a goofy scene. Like, I'm so sorry, I know this is supposed to be emotional, but it's so goofy. He's like, "Just make it quick." And I'm like, "Girl. [both laugh] Stop it."

C: Yeah. Yeah. Like, you're telling me Bobby doesn't have like, 6 friends who can contribute the other pints? God!

G: Yeah.

C: So Sam swithces the knife to like, the stake that, like- what's the special type of stake that kills tricksters?

G: I don't know. Evergreen, I think, is for the pagan gods, so maybe this is also evergreen.

C: Sure, yeah.

G: Because, I mean, the Trickster is a quote- no, not pagan god. It's like, Norse god, right?

C: Yeah, they considered Loki to be a trickster form.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. And Sam's like, "Okay, sure, I will kill you, but because you're not actually Bobby." And he stabs fake Bobby in the back with the stake.

G: And he was like, so upset when he thought for a second he was wrong, and I was like, "Well, at least you have the 8 pints of blood." [laughs]

C: Yeah, you got it! Don't worry. Hurry up! You have to do it tonight, or else you can't do it in 50 years!

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. But, you know, Sam has limits, and one of his limits is that he doesn't actually wanna kill Bobby. What a good son.

G: [laughs] Yeah. Sure. [C laughs]

C: Yeah, so nothing happens, and Sam starts getting panicked and yelling for Bobby, but then, you know, eventually his corpse vanishes and the Trickster is here.

G: Yeah.

C: And was like, “Haha, yeah, I was just messing with you.” Yeah, he also says, “Whoever said Dean was the dysfunctional one has never seen you with a sharp object in your hands.” Which I guess is a fun, like, "Dean to is in this episode" moment.

G: Line, yeah.

C: Yeah. Yeah. I like it whenever they try to remember that Sam's the main character. You know, Sam demands that Gabriel bring Dean back, and he's like, "Uh, no. He, like, is dead, like, for real, and he is in Hell right now." Okay, so like, if you die- Okay, so, okay. If you make the deal at any point, if you die afterwards, then you're going to Hell. It's not just if the hellhounds get you.

G: Yeah, I think so.

C: Okay. Neat. Yeah. Dean's been tortured so much these past 6 months. Do you think he's broken yet down there?

G: Well, I mean, it took him 4 months to break last time.

C: Okay, so he is- he's down there torturing people now. Good for him. [laughs] So-

G: Yeah, perhaps.

C: So Sam says that, you know, "We won't come after you if you just take us back to that Tuesday or Wednesday." And I think it it did make me a little sad that he was like using "we," like, in that sentence. He does feel like Dean is still with him, or he like, can't get used to Dean not being still with him. And the Trickster is like, “I could, but I don't fucking want to, because I am trying to teach you a lesson here. Because you're way too obsessed with saving Dean, and you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other, and nothing good comes out of it, just blood and pain. Dean’s your weakness, and the bad guys know it, too." Yeah, he says that, you know, this is gonna kill Sam, and sometimes he just has to let people go. And this will be a speech that is increasingly more relevant as each season of Supernatural goes off the rails more, I guess.

G: [laughs] Exactly.

C: Yeah. And Sam goes like, "Well, he's my brother." But, you know, the Trickster is like, "No. Well, you just have to get used to what life will be like without him." And I think this is a pretty good like, season 3 episode. Because, like, I feel like it says- it shows us what everything would be like if Sam didn't have Ruby after Dean's death. And yeah. Good for Ruby. Thank you for being there.

G: Yeah.

C: And manipulating him, as you should. [G laughs] Yeah, so the Trickster is eventually like, “Ugh, whatever, I’m like fucking bored of this or whatever." He says, “You’re Travis Bickle in a skirt,” and I don't. I don't understand that. Like, I looked up-

G: What's Travis- who's Travis Bickle?

C: Okay, so I looked that up, and he is the protagonist of Taxi Cab, and I don't remember the specifics. He was like, a veteran, and then he was like, started like acting out violent fantasies or something. I don't really remember. I think he was just a guy who did a lot of violence in a movie.

G: W- wait. You're talking about the guy or the character of the movie?

C: Oh, the character! The character!

G: Oh my god.

C: God, no.

G: Okay. Okay.

C: He's a fictional- he's a fictional character.

G: Okay, yeah, I have no idea what this means.

C: Oh, he was played by Robert de Niro, who, you know, also played Goncharov, of course. [laughs]

G: I have that word muted and stuff, so I don't know anything about it.

C: Oh, you didn't- okay, you didn't enjoy the Goncharov week?

G: No, I didn't.

C: I enjoyed the Goncharov week.

G: I actively hated it.

C: That's fair. Okay.

G: Yeah, sorry for not being Tumblrina enough.

C: I understand. Oh, yeah, and I guess for anyone who's listening who like, has had trouble with Goncharov because of the lack of unreality warnings, it's not a real movie, and hashtag unreality here. Okay.

So right, so that's who Travis Bickle is, but the skirt thing doesn't make any sense. Like, I looked up "Travis Bickle skirt," "Travis Bickle in a skirt," [G laughs] and like, the only things that came up were like, skirts with his face on it-

G: Oh, I support that.

C: Or people just being confused about this line in Supernatural. See, I think- is Gabriel just calling Sam gay? I feel like that may just be what's happening.

G: Is Robert de Niro, like, a short king.

C: I don't know. Let me look it up.

G: What's the- It's not on his Wikipedia page!

C: Are people's heights on their-

G: Maybe I'm thinking of like, character, like, you know how like, if you go to Ace Attorney Wiki, there's like, "height of the character"-

C: Okay, he's somewhere between 5'7 and 5'9.

G: I mean, that's still pretty tall. But like, short king core.

C: Yeah.

G: Who's the Tumblrina short king? There is a guy, right? He's like on Sunny something. It's Always Sunny. Danny Devito!

C: Oh, right. Danny Devito.

G: [laughing] It's so funny. Because when you said "Robert de Niro," I legitimately was thinking of Danny Devito. [both laugh] So like, when you were like, "He was out of the military, he was a veteran who became a very violent man," I was imagining [laughing] Danny Devito in that role.

C: [laughing] Yeah, no.

G: So that's super fun.

C: Yeah.

G: I mean, their names basically rhyme.

C: They do rhyme. That's pretty fun.

G: At this point, Danny Devito, [in unison] Robert de Niro.

C: Yeah. It's a good rhythm. They could be like, rhyming lines in like, a verse of a song.

G: Exactly.

C: Yeah. So, right. The Trickster says that he's "over it," and then just snaps. And then Sam wakes up on Wednesday again. Which is a pretty unsatisfying conclusion, I think.

-

G: And then he sits up, and he's like- you know, Dean is brushing his teeth, and it's like Wednesday, on repeat. And I feel like Sam is very scared here that it's just gonna be a Tuesday thing again.

C: Mm.

G: So he's very careful that like, "You can't go anywhere alone," blah blah blah. And he hugs Dean. And Dean asks like, "How many Tuesdays have you had?" And Sam goes, "Way too many" or something. "Enough." He says, "Enough." And Dean doesn't remember anything, but they go pack the car, and Sam's like, out of it. And he just said, "I just had a really weird dream." And Dean [laughing]-

C: God.

G: Asks the question he asked on the second day. "Clowns or midgets?" And it's like- yeah. And then they go out, and Sam like, looks at his bed one last time, closes the light, and the episode ends as the music makes you sad, I guess [C laughs], is what it's supposed to do.

C: Yeah. A weak ending.

G: Yeah. Weak ending, I agree. But it's a hug. It's a solid hug.

C: Yeah. Yeah, that was sweet. Because it didn't happen the first Wednesday.

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It didn't.

C: And also, you know, Sam decides to not tell Dean about the 6 months that he spent after Dean's death. Which, what do you think the motivation behind that choice was?

G: Well, I think maybe perhaps talking about it is going to make it real, you know? Stuff like that.

C: Yeah, he just wants to forget it.

G: And also like, Dean is gonna die.

C: Yeah.

G: And if Sam reveals that like, "When you died, I became this person," it's gonna be a lot of concern on Dean's end that like, "When I die for realsies this time, is Sam gonna become that person?"

C: Right. Yeah. And Sam kept saying that, you know, "I want you to be worried about yourself, not about me." But during that argument, he also said, like, "I am going to be fine," but that is not true, as we can see.

-

G: Okay. So Best Line/Worst Line.

C: Oh, god, I don't even know.

G: I think my best line- I'll start. My best line is, "You were supposed to wake up." Like, that genuinely made me emotional.

C: Aww.

G: Oh, "I was supposed to wake up."

C: Yeah. Oh, god. Do I know any fucking line?

G: I mean, I think "Clowns or midgets?" is the worst line.

C: Yeah. Yeah. It is. I agree with that one.

G: There's no really, like, bad lines in this episode except that one, which is just like a joke with poor taste, I feel.

C: Yeah, I mean, I guess there is some like misogynistic bits too, but yeah. Oh god. What the fuck is the best line? Are there best lines? There are no lines in this episode.

G: Maybe there are none.

C: Oh, okay. Well, "Did it look cool, like in the movies?" That was fun.

G: Oh, yeah, that was fun.

C: I'll take that one.

G: Yeah. So how about, what's the term? Spreadsheet! What's our spreadsheet ratings?

When we record this podcast, do you just have the spreadsheet out? Or do you summon it in the middle of the recording?

C: I open it. I summon it when it's time.

G: Yeah.

C: So, okay.

G: So I think it's a 0 on racism, just because there are no people of color.

C: Yeah.

G: Or maybe there are, but I don't remember.

C: Not that I recall. Definitely no one prominent. And they didn't make any specifically racist jokes, as far as I can recall.

G: Yeah.

C: Yeah. It's so fun when they manage to get racism points, even when there's not a person of color in the episode, [G laughs] which they have managed before.

G: What's the- what's the misogyny tab?

C: Um, I don't know. Like, it was a little bit. Like a one, probably?

G: What, because of "sweetheart"? Stuff like that?

C: Yeah, I don't know. Okay, you're right. There were like insults directed at Sam that I feel like could have been homophobic or misogynistic?

G: Mm, I was thinking that's more homophobia.

C: Yeah, I feel like- well, yeah, a lot of Dean's homophobia is built off of misogyny, but yeah, I think I think it makes more sense to put that in the homophobia.

G: I think it's- yeah. So I think misogyny, it's a 0, congratulations. [C laughs] And in homophobia, perhaps a 1.

C: Yeah. Just a tad.

G: Yeah. Just a tad.

Okay, what is our- I know this is highly rated. For sure.

C: Yeah, I know this is high.

G: Maybe one of the most highly rated, I would say. 9.4 is my bet.

C: 9.4? I was going- I was gonna go like, like a lot lower. I was just gonna go for like a regular 9.

G: Okay.

C: Alright.

G: Let's see.

Ha!

C: What?

G: Got it, baby. 9.4.

C: It's literally 9.4, exactly on the dot?

G: It's literally 9.4

C: Wild. Congrats!

G: What's- Aw, "This is the episode I show people to introduce them to the series." Well, they will be sorely disappointed.

C: Yeah.

G: Yeah. "Best of Supernatural." I do think it's a really good episode, though. Like-

C: It's decent.

G: Like, it's weak, the ending is weak, I do agree with that. But I think there's enough intrigue, and there's like- maybe I just like that it's Sam-centric. Have we considered that?

C: Yeah, that part's nice.

G: Yeah. Like, after so many episodes of him just being to in this episode-

C: Yeah, I do like that. And, you know, it was very nice of Gabriel to decide to create something that narratively fit so well in the season, and then say that he did that for that purpose. Yeah, I mean, I thought it was funny. I guess I just didn't really get emotional at parts where I was supposed to, because I knew everything.

G: Aww!

C: What?

G: There's a review where it says, "My favorite part was, and I don't know if anyone noticed, but I didn't at first. When Sam was eating in the motel room after Dean died for seemed permanently, we can see that he bought his brother his bacon cheeseburger even though there was no Dean to eat it. That was just so so sad."

C: Oh, shit. Okay. That is really sad.

G: Okay.

C: Fine. That was a good detail. Congratulations.

G: This part is like, "What is annoying me about this episode is that the 'bad guys' are always convincing Sam that Dean is his weakness, and he will be the death of him-" Well, here it's like, "We all know Dean is Sam's guardian angel, and if it wasn't for him, Sam would have been killed several times already." Like, that's their point. But for me, my point is, it's just repetitive.

C: Yeah.

G: Like, we've seen this film before, over and over again.

C: We've seen so many things before. [G screams] What?

G: Next review is, "I can watch Dean die forever."

C: So fucking real.

G: "Absolutely hilarious, and Dean at his best" is him dying over and over again.

C: So real.

G: "The whole he finally dies in 6 months thing is kind of blah, though." Love that.

[laughs] "The dumbest episode of Supernatural so far. How to cram 6 months of Sam-going-bad character development into one episode just to then completely delete it all again. Might have been enjoyable to watch, but it's insanely stupid in context." Well, that's true. I think that is true.

C: That's fair, yeah.

G: Oh my god! "I have watched this show for 15 years. I do a complete rewatch at least once a year"?

C: What is wrong with you? What year was this posted in?

G: Don't say that! Don't be so mean!

C: You're right. What year was this posted in, though?

G: 2020. November 23.

C: So, like, the whole 327 episodes each year?

G: No, no, no. Like, it's like, I think what's happening here is, before season 15 airs, they watch 1-14. Before 14 airs, they watch 1-13. You know what I mean?

C: Huh.

G: Because it says, "I've been watching this show for 15 years" at 2020, which is when the show ended.

C: Okay, fair. Okay, so it's just- Yeah, okay, that's not as bad, I suppose.

G: It's just like you're rewatching before- you're refreshing your memory before the episodes, you know. Before the season starts.

C: Yeah. That's a lot. There's a lot that you're refreshing, though. Like, so much.

G: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's it for this episode of [enunciating aggressively] Busty Asian Beauties. [both laugh]

C: Why did you say it like that?

G: I have no idea! Next week, we will be discussing Season 3, Episode 12: "Jus in Bello." Leave us a rating or a review wherever you get your podcasts!

C: Follow us on social media. We are on Twitter at twitter.com/BeautiesPodcast and on Tumblr at bustyasianbeautiespod.tumblr.com. Our official tag is #BABPod, B-A-B-POD. And thank you to everyone who's donated to our Ko-Fi at ko-fi.com/bustyasianbeautiespod.

G: You can give us any feedback, comments, or inquiries at bustyasianbeautiespod@gmail.com. See you next time! [both] Bye!

[guitar music]

[beep]

G: I need to stop saying "slay," and I need to stop thinking about NCT.

C: Yeah. I mean, what can you do when she's a slayer but you just can't slay her? [G laughs] But yes.

G: Exactly.

[beep]

G: Wait, I'm gonna- I have a little tidbit to share at the end of this podcast, which is that, did you know that I can recite like, I don't know how many digits, but the 8 digits or something of-

C: Pi?

G: No, the light- no, not pi, the speed of light, c?

C: Oh, that's new. You're special. You're not like other girls.

G: I know, I'm so special. I'm literally so not like anyone else. But like, in our school, we had a song for it, which I think is so much fun. Like, I literally went from a school with a song for like, the Old Testament books to a school with a song about the speed of light. And the song goes like, "I'll be by your side, faster than the speed of light." And then there's a portion where they go [singing] "2 9 9 7 9 2 4 5 8 meters per second / That's the speed of light." It's so wonderful. And I wish I could link it, but then I'll be doxxing my school, and I don't wanna, so.

C: Yeah. That is sad.

G: Horrible experience. Such great conflict in my life.

C: I like that it was a whole song.

G: Oh, it was.

C: Like, it wasn't just the numbers to a tune. It was like, there were lyrics, there was a storyline, there was a love story in there. Wow.

G: Yeah. There's like, a rap verse! [C laughs] It was that intense.

C: God, that's so funny.

G: It was so good, yeah. Like, literally, "I'll be by your side, faster than the speed of light"!

C: Yeah. So real.

[beep]

G: Maybe Supernatural was making points.

C: Mm?

G: Probably not, though. [both laugh]

[beep]

C: [swallowing sound] Sorry, I'm drinking water. [G laughs]

G: I know, I can hear. [C laughs] [makes exaggerated swallowing sounds] [both laughing]

C: So...

G: See, I told you I am mean to you now!

C: [laughing] I don't think that was mean! But yeah-

G: It was funny, though.

C: It was funny, though. So...

[manvindrachaudhary-blog]

18 Spicy Comments Actors Made About Their Costars

18 Spicy Comments Actors Made About Their Costars

1. Freddie Prinze Jr. hated working with Kiefer Sutherland on 24 so much that he almost quit acting altogether — and spent years taking on voice acting roles instead of on-set ones.

"Kiefer was the most unprofessional dude in the world. That's not me talking trash, I'd say it to his face, I think everyone that's worked with him has said that," Prinze Jr. said. He also slightly knocked the actor's height, saying he was required to take his shoes off to do scenes with him and saying he was only 5'4.

2. T.J. Miller recently called Ryan Reynolds "horrifically mean" on the set of Deadpool — he did it in character, acting like Miller was also his character, but then seemed to insult Miller directly by saying, "You know what’s great about you, Weasel? You’re not the star, but you do just enough exposition that it’s funny and then we can leave and get back to the real movie.” Miller also called Reynolds "kind of an insecure dude," and said the uncomfortable comment left him not wanting to work with Reynolds again.

However, Reynolds reached out to Miller after the fact, and Miller later referred to the awkward on-set experience as a "misunderstanding." So...all's well that ends well, I guess.

3. Speaking of Miller...his Silicon Valley costar Alice Wetterlund once called him a "bully and petulant brat," describing working with him as "kind of a nightmare" and saying his male costars enabled him. Miller had left the show at this point, in what was said to be a mutual decision.

4. While starring in the film I Love Trouble, Julia Roberts and Nick Nolte struggled to get along. Roberts said they got on each other's nerves from the start, and called him charming but "also completely disgusting. He's going to hate me for saying this, but he seems go out of his way to repel people."

Nolte later acknowledged his own fault in their feud, but also blamed Roberts a bit: "Julia got married at the beginning of that film and it was one of those things where I just approached it all wrong.” Uh...okay, so he was offended that she was taken?

5. Tommy Lee Jones and Jim Carrey also struggled to get along while filming Batman Forever. The problem, according to Carrey, was that Carrey was the star of the production. Apparently, about halfway through filming, Carrey ran into Jones at a restaurant. Jones hugged him and said, "I hate you. I really don’t like you" then followed up with: "I cannot sanction your buffoonery."

6. Succession actor, Brian Cox, once said that actor Steven Seagal (his costar in The Glimmer Man) is "as ludicrous in real life as he appears onscreen," adding that Seagal acts like he's "on a higher plane to the rest of us." He continued, "And while he's certainly on a different plane, no doubt about that, it's probably not a higher one," and said that Seagal thinks he's "far more capable and talented than he actually is."

7. He's also called his Succession costar, Jeremy Strong, who he's still co-starring with, by the way, "fucking annoying" in his commitment to his Method acting technique. Though, he did acknowledge it garners good results and called him a "very good actor" and "fucking gifted."

8. Tim Gunn is more a TV personality than an actor, but he did appear (as himself) on the fictional show Gossip Girl in 2010 when Jenny, played by Taylor Momsen, had an interview for Parsons. Years later, Gunn revealed he had a negative experience with Momsen, calling her a diva: "She was pathetic, she couldn't remember her lines, and she didn't even have that many. I thought to myself, Why are we all being held hostage by this brat?"

9. Not quite as biting, but Kim Cattrall has made her feelings on former Sex and the City costar Sarah Jessica Parker pretty clear. “I think she could’ve been nicer. I really think she could’ve been nicer. I don’t know what her issue is," she said in 2017, pointing out that none of her costars called her when it was rumored she was having contract issues with Sex and the City 2.

Later, after Cattrall's brother died, she posted: "I don't need your love or support at this tragic time @sarahjessicaparker" and followed it up with: "Your continuous reaching out is a painful reminder of how cruel you really were then and now. Let me make this VERY clear. (If I haven’t already) You are not my family. You are not my friend. So I’m writing to tell you one last time to stop exploiting our tragedy in order to restore your ‘nice girl’ persona."

10. Another famous Hollywood feud is between Vin Diesel and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. While shooting Fate of the Furious together, Johnson wrote on Instagram, “There’s no other franchise that gets my blood boiling more than this one. My female costars are always amazing and I love ’em. My male costars, however, are a different story,” he wrote. “Some conduct themselves as stand-up men and true professionals, while others don’t. The ones that don’t are too chicken to do anything about it anyway. Candy asses.”

While Johnson never named Diesel, many assumed he was speaking about him in the light of Diesel's response, which “I think some things may be blown out of proportion. I don't think that was his intention. I know he appreciates how much I work this franchise." and referred to himself as Johnson's big brother — which Johnson replied to, saying he wasn't.

11. Diesel also seemed to critique Johnson's acting ability, saying he had to give Johnson "a lot of tough love to assist in getting that performance where it needed to be."

12. Another actor who dissed his costar's acting was Bill Murray, who allegedly derisively called his Charlie's Angels costar Lucy Liu a "television actress." While Liu never confirmed this exact comment, she said Murray used "inexcusable and unacceptable” language and was "hurl insults."

13. Bette Davis similarly dissed longtime foe Joan Crawford — with whom Davis costarred with in What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? — by saying, "Miss Crawford is a movie star, and I am an actress."

14. Ray Liotta said that out of all his costars, Sigourney Weaver was the worst kisser. The two starred together in the 2001 film Heartbreakers.

15. Jay Thomas made a similar comment — which actually may have gotten him kicked off of Cheers. On a radio show, he was asked about guest starring on the show, and said, "It's brutal. I have to kiss Rhea Perlman," though he later said he was joking.

16. And Tony Curtis once said that kissing Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot was like "kissing Hitler," though he later said they were having an affair at the time, and it's unclear if he was serious.

17. Sally Field also called Burt Reynolds her worst onscreen kiss many years after appearing with him in the 1977 film Smokey and the Bandit (and its sequel, along with the film Hooper). This is especially surprising because Field actually dated Reynolds for four years. Clarifying the problem, she said there was "a lot of drooling."

18. And finally, Millie Bobby Brown spoke about her negative experience kissing Finn Wolfhard for Stranger Things, saying it made her go "kissing sucks!" Later, when asked about these comments in Variety's lie detector test, Brown agreed with a question calling Wolfhard a lousy kisser and revealed he hadn't gotten better — with her, at least.

What comment can you not believe an actor said about their costar? Let us know in the comments!

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[maybe-i-should-try-harder]

I got tagged twice !! Hi abyss if you see this you tagged me too anyways to the questions I'm gonna embarrass myself

When did you post your first fanfic?

....so, way back in 2016 when i was like. 9-10.. it was on an old local site named Bookcity that has since been closed but it was VEEERY popular for the fanfiction community in my country. Some of my friends to this day are from there ! Shoutout to Ryan, Star and Dro yall are cool and you knew me when I went by Chica

First character you wrote for?

........okay so it. It. It was a fnaf. Fanfic. And I wrote about Bonnie and Foxy fighting over Chica. (She ended up marrying Freddy LMAOOOOO)

Main character(s) you’re currently writing for?

JEREMIAH HEERE THE ONE AND ONLY

Character(s) you haven’t written for yet but want to write for soon?

Ah jeez... don't think I ever wrote Chloe but I did analyze her.

Fandom(s) you’re currently writing for?

Right now im on my bmc galore but I've always been a deh og

Platonic pairing(s) you currently write for?

Jeremy and all the girls. I love them.

Romantic pairing(s) you currently write for?

...Richjer and Deere 😭 Richie Tozier x Violet (oc) and Pink Guitar (Amy Mayrose my oc X Zoe Murphy)

Top three AO3 tags?

First Kiss, Mutual Pining and I wrote this instead of sleeping

Current Platform?

Ao3! I don't touch anything else sorry

Snippet from current WIP?

ABYSS THIS IS FOR YOU IM ACTUALLY STILL WRITING THIS LMAO IM SORRY FOR BEING A YEAR LATE ITS NOT DONE IM STUPID SLOW

Therefore I'm tagging you even if you did it @theabyssgazesalsointoyou

“Yo, is that fucking Carly Rae Japsen?” A voice asks behind him, a slight lisp can be heard, nearly hidden.

Jake turns around, in slight embarrassment, his eyes slightly wide. A short, muscly guy with a violently vibrant red streak in his beach blonde hair.

“I like her music,” Jake says, smiling a bit. This charming smile always works on everyone.

“That’s fucking lame.” The guy snorts, sporting a muscle top that really shows off his physique, Jake can’t help but appreciate it, he clearly put work into his body, Jake can admit, the guy looks good.

“I like Taylor Swift.” He adds in, grinning wildly as he reveals the cutest tooth gap. (known to man)

Jake’s shoulders untense with relief

“Sup. Rich Goranski, I’m guessing we are roomies? Unless you’re decorating someone else’s room, then that’s kinda weird.” The guy - Rich - says, shrugging offhandedly at the end with a knowing smirk of an unfunny joke.

The more he talks, the more s’s he has to pronounce, and the more Jake realizes.

“Oh my god, You’re a nerd!” Jake laughs with glee, walking over to Rich to hug him real tight.

“And you’re fucking ripped, Jesus!” He exclaims, being squeezed his breath away by Jake.

“You never told me your name.” His eyes focus on the wheelchair behind Jake, though his mouth asks no questions.

“Jake Dillinger,” Jake says through a chuckle, releasing Rich.

“I broke my legs in a freaky accident a year ago. It just makes stuff easier.”

Rich makes an ‘ohhh’ noise and nods, chuckling awkwardly as he backs off Jake.

“Sorry, I gotta ask.

How popular were you in high school?”

“That obvious?”

“You look like a movie.”

“I was the king of high school,” Jake answers sheepishly. “I had an empty house, lots of booze, and a love for sports.”

Rich’s heart hangs on to the empty house statement.

He shrugs. “I tried being popular, found advice online, barely followed through," Rich says, although something hides behind his eyes.

Jake smiles.

"You look plenty cool to me, Broanski."

And Rich bursts into a laugh.

"How were you popular??

Broanski..

Imagine I called you something stupid with your last name.

Like..”- His face scrunches up, thinking. -”..DillingJake

Jakey-ger..'

And then something clicks.

"Jakey D!" And mid-way through Rich's name spiel, Jake started laughing too, holding onto Rich's shoulder for support.

"You're funny, dude."

And Rich just smiles.

Maybe they got lucky with rooms.

❦ ➷ get to know your fellow fanfic writers better ༊ ✧.*

I had fun doing this! ♡

when did you post your first ever fanfic?

January 2017, I think. wow, it’s been 6 years! (no, I’m not giving you my Wattpad username)

first character you wrote for:

Joker. it was during my Wattpad era. I have zero regret, but I’m not giving the link lol

main character(s) you’re currently writing for:

Daniel Harrow & Henry Creel (as in separate fics that aren’t crossover, but wouldn’t it be nice if I wrote a crossover with these two…)

character(s) you haven’t written about before but plan on writing about soon:

Henry Morgan (from Forever tv) !! also, I’d love to write more about Captain Jack Sparrow

fandom(s) you’re currently writing for:

Harrow & Stranger Things

platonic pairing(s) you currently write for:

Daniel Harrow & Simon Van Reyk (Harrow), Henry Creel & Eleven (Stranger Things)

romantic pairing(s) you currently write for:

I know it’s been more than a year since my last update so I can’t say currently, but Loki/Mobius. other than that the more recent one is Will Byers/Mike Wheeler but even then, it’s still rare. so I guess I focus more on writing platonic relationships lately (honestly it just depends on the characters whom my hyperfixation is on and whether their relationship with the other characters is romantic or platonic.)

your top 3 tags on AO3 (if you post your works on AO3):

whump, hurt/comfort & angst

your current platform where you post your works:

tap HERE for my AO3

snippet of the wip you’re currently working on:

should be posted hopefully within the next few days!

But Harrow forced a smile as he greeted Simon with a hug. And when he hugged Simon, his smile became real. And for a moment Harrow could forget the guilt and the shame he carried with him. For a moment, he could really breathe, knowing that Simon was safe. In his arms.

* aka a fix-it fic where Simon lives.

🏷️ no pressure tags at random: @foodiewithdahoodie @queereldritch @bebataylor84 @ohfallingdisco @eddiemunsons-missingnipple @sillylittlerock @jcbbby @maladaptive-jcb @highwarlockofphilly @can-of-pringles @mirilyawrites @chaos-monkeyy @harringroveera @medium-rare-bimbo @deliaqbower @ripcreel @rins-love-wins @okilokiwithpurpose @lokisgoodgirl @loki-is-my-kink-awakening @daddiesdrarryy @loki-hargreeves @zodiyack @cha-melodius @insert-witty-user-name-here @dewdropreader @blackbirdofasgard @mimisempai @underwhelmingalchemist @excusemefangirlhere @abitofboth @worstloki @littlekinng @andiwriteordie @cluelessbees @suzieburself @waroftheposes @drop-of-infinity @bookinit02 @bizarrelittlemew @ghostalservice @pilkingtonian @thefatedthoughtofyou @brbsoulnomming @spooky-brakers @cosmicanamnesis @cranberrymoons @onirislanding @thefreakandthehair @thisapplepielife — if I didn’t tag you and you’d like to join, please do! everybody is welcome

[atlafan]

And They Were Roommates - One Shot

a/n: I’ve had this idea for a long time, and I’m glad it’s finally come together. I love friends to lovers fics, they make my stomach twist in the best possible way, so I hope you all enjoy these two! Feedback and reblogs are always helpful. (not proofread)

Warnings: two idiots refusing to just get together until they do, SMUT, mentions of Only Fans (which I truthfully know nothing about, but I wanted to make things saucy)

Words: 11.3K

“We just need to be quiet in case my roommate’s home.” You say to your date, Jeremy, as you key into your flat. He nods with a grin as you enter.

“Hey, lovie, how was the-“ Harry smirks when he sees you come in with your date. “I see it went well, never mind.”

You roll your eyes at him. He was sitting on the couch in some sweat pants, and that was it, watching some romantic comedy.

“Harry, this is Jeremy, Jeremy this is my roommate Harry.”

“I’m her best friend too, but I can see she clearly hasn’t brought me up all night. M’a little offended, pet.”

“Okay, well, I’ll try to be more courteous.” You shake your head at him, and tug Jeremy along to your bedroom. “Sorry about him. He usually goes out on Friday nights, but lately he’s been staying in more.”

“You…you live with that guy?”

“Sure.” You shrug and then wrap your arms around his neck. “We’ve been friends for years, and we’re in the same grad program, so it just made sense to split a flat.”

“Listen…uh, I was excited that you invited me up, but I can’t fuck you with that guy sitting out there.”

“What?” You frown and step back. “Why not?”

“Because I’ll just think you’re thinking of him the whole time. He’s…like…perfect! I can’t compete with that.”

“Jeremy, you’re being silly, just clear your head, we can-“

“Sorry, Y/N.”

Jeremy opens your door and leaves you standing in your room. You were in shock. Jeremy walks quickly back out into the main area, and sees Harry still sitting and watching his movie.

“Oi, that was quick, mate. Hope you left my girl satisfied.” Harry grins at a disgruntled Jeremy, and he leaves.

“You know it’s comments like that…” You sniffle as you stand there in your pretty dress and heels. “That make guys just up and leave.”

“What are you talking about?”

“He took one look at you sitting there like that and ran off!”

“So, I can’t even sit in the comfort of my own living room without some douche feeling emasculated? Are you sure you want someone like that fucking you, Y/N?”

“I just wanted to hook up! Christ, now I have to go take care of it myself.” You groan.

“Well, when you’re done, come join me. We can watch My Best Friend’s Wedding.” He leans forward and smiles. “You look really nice tonight, I’m sorry he was an idiot.”

“Thanks.” You wipe your finger under your nose. “Would you make some popcorn or something?”

“On it.”

Alright, some explanation is probably needed here. See, you and Harry met your sophomore year of uni, no, not drunk at some party, in class, actually. You both were education majors, so you ended up having a lot of classes together once you really dove into your major courses. You got paired up on a project together, and there was no separation between the two of you after that.

Normally, Harry wouldn’t have been the type of guy you’d be friends with. To be honest, he dressed like a douchebag when you first met him. You wondered why he’d want to be a teacher. He had floppy curls, wore a snapback with every outfit, and you didn’t think he owned a pair of jeans that didn’t have any rips in them. Although, you did enjoy his Chelsea boots, his sweaters, and his nail polish and rings.

You were innocent, and sort of preppy while he was loud mouthed and scruffy. Your friend groups never merged, but your best friend knew about your friendship with Harry. She’d constantly poke fun and say you had a crush on him. You didn’t. Harry was hot as fuck, anyone with eyes could see that, but you weren’t into him in that way. That was one of the reasons he liked hanging out with you so much. Most girls that tried to be his friend were just trying to fuck, and that could be fun, but sometimes he genuinely wanted to meet up for coffee and have a conversation without it leading to screwing on an extra-long twin bed.

Harry’s friends knew you well. As the years went on, you’d often be the one he’d bring back to his place drunk. You started off by sleeping on the floor, and then one night you realized you both adults and could sleep in the same bed. His friends would give him an equally tough time about you. Sometimes you’d come over and wait in his room for him while he was out with another girl. To some that may have been weird, but nothing was better than drunk platonic cuddles.

There was one night, your senior year, you had woken up with him spooning you. In all the nights spent together, you two never fell asleep or woke up like that. You didn’t shift when you felt his morning wood poking you. His arm was draped loosely over you. You almost wanted to see if he’d make a move, so you pretended to stay asleep a little longer. His hand had slid to your hip and squeezed it, but that was the extent of the interaction. He rolled onto his back, and you did the same. You looked up at him and started giggling.

“It’s not funny.” He groaned, putting his forearm over his eyes.

“Didn’t know I did it for you, Har.” You poked the dimple forming on his face as he smiled.

“Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart, happens to every guy in the morning.” He peered down at you and you rolled your eyes.

You had never spoken about it afterwards. You didn’t want to embarrass him. When you both talked about grad school, and got into the same university, he asked you to be his flat-mate.

“You don’t wanna live with Niall and Louis anymore?”

“They’re getting real jobs, they won’t wanna listen to me complain about school. I’ve found a great two bedroom place. I think it could be fun for us. Dontcha wanna live with me, baby?” He pouted at you and you nudged his shoulder and laughed.

“Christ, I hate it when you start getting all beggy. Alright, we can live together.”

He took you in his arms and hugged you. You were both extremely excited. Sometimes it seemed like you and Harry knew everything about each other, but that was not the case. After you moved in and got settled, it was time you revealed something to him. You called him into your bedroom to talk.

“Is everything okay? You’re not having doubts, are you?”

“No! Not at all, I’m glad we’re doing this. I feel safe with you here, and I’m glad we still have classes together. I…I just need to tell you something. Um, I don’t know what you do to...like, when you’re alone, I don’t know what you use, but I know things can pop up geographically, so I just wanted to warn you.” You bit your bottom lip, and turned your laptop around to show him your Only Fans page. His eyes widened, and then he shook his head.

“This is a joke, right? You made a fake website.”

“It’s not fake…” You muttered. “I don’t do lives, I don’t get naked, and I don’t show my face.”

“Then what do you do?”

“I was a dance minor, as you may recall.” He nodded yes at you. “So I make little strip tease videos and blur my face. Sometimes I take lingerie photos too. It’s a wonder what people will pay for.”

“How’d you get into this?” There was no judgement in his voice, he was genuinely curious.

“It started as a joke between Jenna and I, but then we started making money, and it’s enough that I can pay all my bills and live comfortably. I’ve already paid off one of my student loans thanks to this. I don’t even know if you use Only Fans, but I knew you’d probably recognize me or something if you stumbled across it so…I just wanted to warn you.”

“You know…the coffee shop I work at is hiring if you don’t feel like doing this kind of stuff.” He smirked.

“I actually don’t mind it. I essentially work for myself.”

“So you don’t sit in front of your camera and get yourself off with little bunny ears on?”

“No.” You laughed. “Just videos of me dancing in some intricate lighting, and saucy photos.”

“Can I see?”

“What?!”

“Not one of the videos, show me some pictures.”

“Harry…”

“Come on. I’ve seen you dressed to the nines before, but I’m having trouble believing you would take any provocative photos.”

“Fine.” You clicked through the various photos, and find a mostly decent one. “Here, you can look at this one.”

His eyes widen again as he scans it over. You could only see your face from the lips down. You had a lollypop pressed to them, and some of the juice from it was dripping down your chin. You were laying on your bed in a pink lace bodysuit, and if he squinted he could probably see your nipples, but he chose against it. Your legs were up against the headboard, crossed at the ankle.

“Well?” You asked.

“It’s, uh, it’s very tasteful.” He cleared his throat. “Thanks for telling me…I…I  mean I definitely look at porn sometimes, so…uh…definitely wouldn’t have wanted to accidentally wanked it to you.”

“I doubt you would have even stayed on my page for long. You probably like to watch the really freaky shit.” You grinned and closed your laptop.

“I don’t know, there’s something sort of sexy about someone looking so innocent.”

“And that’s exactly what my viewers seem to say in the comments.”

Harry never brought up your page after that. You didn’t make him promise not to go searching for it, you just figured he wouldn’t. With all that aside, your living situation was working out perfectly. Sometimes Harry would bring home the day old muffins or bagels from the coffee shop, and you both had all the free coffee you could drink.

When you first moved in he was like his old self. He went out on dates almost every weekend. Normally he wouldn’t bring someone back, but once in a while he would. You never minded, you’d bring people back too, but you started to notice a pattern. Most guys either would have a tough time fucking you if he was home, or would end up leaving the way Jeremy did. You weren’t sure why they felt so threatened by Harry.

You supposed Jeremy could have been taken aback by seeing Harry shirtless. He was muscular, but not quite skinny. Buff in a way. He could hurt someone if he really wanted to. Once you’ve changed into some comfy pj’s, you plop down on the couch with Harry, and dive into the bowl of popcorn he made so you could watch your movie.

“So, I take it you’re not gonna take care of things yourself?”

“I’m too annoyed now.” You sigh. “It’s fine. I’ll try my luck with some random when we go out tomorrow night.”

“Good idea.” He throws his arm around you, and you both settle as the opening credits start.

//

Harry had to be up early for his shift at the coffee shop. After getting some schoolwork done, you took the opportunity to get some other work done. You had to be dressed for the club tonight anyways, so you got dolled up, and took some new photos for your page. You always got comments about your lips, so you’d use blow-pops to kiss against, or to rub against. You got some really great shots in, and got dressed in your regular clothes before Harry got home.

“Got your evening makeup on already? It’ll be hours before we leave, love.” He says as he runs a hand through his hair.

“You’re not the only one that worked today.” You wink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“You know, if I didn’t have all my tattoos I could be doing the same thing you’re doing.”

“Plenty of people with tattoos have pages.”

“The last thing I need is to start working at some school, and have a parent recognize me for the wrong reasons.”

“True.” You nod and go into the fridge. “I’m gonna make some stirfry, are you hungry?”

“I could eat.” He shrugs. “I’m gonna go shower.”

“Alright.”

You didn’t necessarily mind that you’re dating life was a little tricky. You had all the domesticity you could need with Harry, however, you were certainly hoping to meet someone tonight at the club. You just wanted to have a meaningless hookup.

After dinner, and having a couple of drinks at home, you and Harry meet up with Niall and Louis at the club. Louis and Harry were laughing over something, so you decide to pay Niall a little attention. You always thought he was cute and funny. He was always nice to you too, as was Louis.

“How are things with your classes?” He asks. “Sort of wish I was doing the grad school thing.”

“Oh, but your job is so cool! Data analysis is riveting.” You giggle against the rim of your drink and he shakes his head. “Classes are good. I’m more so just excited to start teaching, but I have a while for that yet. Practicum last year was such a tease.”

“I bet you’d be a fun teacher, you’d certainly have no problem keeping my attention.” He slings one of his arms around the back of the booth you were sitting in and he inches closer. You smile at him and take a sip of your drink.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” You put your hand on his shoulder and twirl the material of his shirt around your finger.

“Your voice for one thing. It’s smooth, soothing. Your smile is sweet, so that helps too.”

You blush a little from his compliments, and finish your drink.

“Need another, babe?” Harry asks, breaking you and Niall from your little chat.

“I can get it.” Niall says. “Vodka tonic?”

“Please.” You smile and watch him go up to the bar. Louis and Harry look at you. “What?”

“Are you trying to fuck Niall?” Louis asks.

“Of course she’s no-“ Harry says, but he’s cut off by you.

“So what if I am?” She scoffs. “It’s safer than trying to get some guy I don’t know, right?”

“If that’s the case, why not just fuck Harry?” Louis smirks.

Harry death glares Louis as your face scrunches.

“It’s a little cliché, isn’t it?” You say. “Fucking your roommate and best friend? I’ll pass. That’s a load of drama we don’t need.”

“So, what you’re saying is, if Harry wasn’t your roommate or your best friend, you’d fuck him?”

“Hmm…” You tap your chin playfully and look Harry up and down. Before you can answer, Niall returns with your drink, and another round for the guys. “Thank you.” You say to him, and he sits down closely next to you.

“You wouldn’t wanna dance, would you?” Niall asks you.

“I’d love to!”

You both get up and make your way over to the dancefloor. Harry sulks while he plays with the straw in his drink.

“What are you all mopey for, huh?” Louis asks him.

“I don’t really like the idea of them hooking up. Could change the dynamic of things for all of us.”

“Instead of worrying about that, why don’t we try to go meet some ladies of our own, hm?” Louis smiles at Harry, and Harry nods in agreement.

You were having a lot of fun dancing with Niall, and his laugh was infectious tonight. You told him you needed to use the ladies room, and when you came back he was acting like a completely different person.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask him over the blaring music.

“No! I just…” He looks over at Harry and Louis and then back to you. “We really shouldn’t be messing around like this.”

“We were just dancing.”

“But it was going to lead to something more, no?”

“Did you want it to?”

“Well, yeah, but you’re my friend, and…I wouldn’t want to make anything weird between us.”

“So…you don’t wanna go into the single stall bathroom and have me suck you off?” You bat your lashes at him and his eyes widen.

“Shit.” He says under his breath. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

He wraps his hand around your wrist, and leads you through the crowd of people. You both go into the bathroom without a single thought and lock the door. You could hear the music faintly as you looked at each other.

“You seemed pretty sure of things before.” You say to him.

“I…I wigged out for a second. I really want this.”

You smile and step forward, pressing your lips to his. His hands go to your hips, and he squeezes you. He tasted like the tequila he had been drinking, and you smile against him. You kiss across his jaw, and to his neck while your hands work to undo his belt.

“You’re okay with this?” You ask him.

“Yeah, go for it. Would it be easier if I sat up on the counter?”

“No, I don’t mind getting on my knees, thanks.” You smirk at him and sink down, tugging his pants and boxers down just enough for his hard dick to spring out. You look up at him, impressed.

“Don’t look so surprised.”

“Sorry.” You chuckle. “Good for you, though, honestly.”

You kiss his tip and he jerks slightly towards you. You wrap your lips around him, and suck on him. His hands move your hair back, and you close your eyes as you work him over. You pump what you can’t fit, or what you don’t feel like fitting, and you hear him panting. This is all you wanted, you just wanted to make someone feel good.

“Y/N, I’m gonna come.” He warns you, and you give his thigh a squeeze to let him know it’s okay.

He comes into your mouth, and you swallow it to not make a mess. He helps you stand up, and then you help him zip his pants. After rinsing your mouth out he grabs you and kisses you. Your eyes flutter closed as he sucks on your bottom lip.

“Would you finger me?” You ask him just above a whisper against your lips.

“I’ll do anything you want.”

//

Louis was off making out with some girl while Harry was at the bar, brooding. You and Niall come back from the bathroom with flushed cheeks. Harry looks at you, and then looks at Niall. Niall just rubs the back of his neck and looks away.

“Y/N, are you ready to go home?” Harry asks her.

“Um…I was hoping to have another drink, but if you wanna leave we can.”

“I’d like to, yeah.”

You both say goodnight to Niall, and head out. He doesn’t say anything to in the back of the cab, and he’s quiet as you both go inside your flat. He fills two glasses of water and hands one to you.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him.

“Why’d you have to fuck my friend? Of all the guys in there, it had to be Niall?”

“I’m going to bed, I’m not having this conversation with you.” You start to walk away from him.

“So if I took Rachel into the bathroom at club and fucked her, you’d be fine with it?”

“Rachel’s a lesbian, so that’s a moot point.”

“You know what I’m trying to say.”

“I wouldn’t care, Harry. Also, you make it seem like Niall isn’t my friend, when he is. And not that it’s any of your business, but we didn’t do more than diddle each other. I sucked him off, and then I let him finger me, that was it.”

“You know, if you just needed to get off, I’m sure your own hand would have sufficed.” He huffs.

“Sometimes you just wanna feel someone else’s hand.” You say quietly.

“So Niall’s a good enough friend to diddle you, but I’m not? I’m extremely offended.”

“Harry…I don’t have to see Niall every day. It would get weird between us, and you know it.”

“I’m just saying, if you needed some help-“

“Don’t finish that sentence. You’re drunk, you don’t know what you’re talking about. Go put yourself to bed, I’m gonna go wash up.”

“I’m assuming no cuddles tonight then?”

“You’ve assumed correctly, goodnight.”

Harry emerges from his room around ten the next morning, thankful he had the day off from work. You were sitting on the couch in the living room, coffee cup in hand while reading one of your textbooks. He sees you’ve made coffee, and he pours himself a cup.

“Morning.” He yawns as he sits next to you.

“Morning.” You say without looking at him.

“Are you mad at me for some reason? Usually you come to my room after we’ve been out like that, and you didn’t…”

“Harry, do you seriously not remember what happened last night?” He shakes his head no at you. “It just wasn’t a good night for drunk cuddles, okay? Can we leave it at that?”

“Alright.” He shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “Do you feel like going to the campus library with me in a bit? I’ve got a paper to work on, and a change of scenery would do be some good.”

“Sure! I have some mock lesson plans I need to work on so that sounds good.”

He watches you get up and go into your room so you can get ready. He sighs to himself, feeling bad for lying to you. He takes his phone out to text Niall.

Harry: I’m sorry about last night…I know I can’t control what you do and who you do it with, and clearly what I said to you didn’t matter anyways

Niall: I was going to listen…but she really wanted it, mate, I’m sorry. It wasn’t anything serious, just two friends helping each other out, alright?

Harry: alright

Niall: are you sure you don’t have feelings for her?

Harry: I just don’t think it’s smart for our little circle to comingle like that, that’s all

Niall: whatever you say

“Harry, go get dressed, the sooner we go, the sooner we can come back and watch a movie.”

“Right.” He says with a smile and gets up.

//

Harry fucked up one night. He didn’t feel like trolling on Tinder for a lay, so he found himself on Only Fans. There were a couple of pages he was subscribed to, but they just weren’t doing it for him tonight. He wanted something a little different, so, against his better judgement…he went to your page. Sometimes he’d check it out just to make sure no one was leaving you any sick comments, he never really went there to ogle you. But because you didn’t use your face, he could use his imagination a little bit. He puts his headphones in, and clicks on one of your free videos.

He smiles when he hears one of your favorite songs playing in the background. You were a skilled video editor, hoping to teach that media arts. The video fades in, and there you are, completely clothed. You start dancing, it wasn’t over sexy, but you had a way about taking your clothes off. You were doing a chair dance, one of your specialties. The video ends with you just about to take your shirt off, and then it fades out with a smirk on your lips.

“Oh, she’s good.” He says to himself.

Leaving people wanting more was certainly key on this site. He sighs, and clicks through a couple of the other free things you had on your page, and then eventually he pays to subscribe. You’d never know it was him, it’s not like he used his real name. He was more curious than anything to see what else you could have on there. He clicks through some of your photos. His jaw drops when he sees you licking a lollypop.

There’s a knock on his door, and he nearly throws his laptop across the room. He exits out of his all his tabs and closes his laptop.

“Come in!”

“Hey.” You say, leaning against the door frame.

“What’s up?” He was sweating. Had you seen that you had a new subscriber? Had you somehow figured out it was him?

“I have cramps, can I come lay with you?”

“Oh.” He sighs with relief. “Sure.” He makes some room for you on his bed, and climb on, laying on your stomach.

“What were you up to?”

“Looking for some porn to watch, to be honest with you.” He chuckles as he rubs at your lower back.

“Oh, Christ.” You laugh and nudge his leg. “You didn’t need to let me in.”

“It’s alright, you’re more interesting anyways. How was your day? Feel like I barely saw you?”

“It was good. I had a lot of work to get done so I was at the library, and then I met up with Rach for dinner.”

“How’s she?”

“Good. She’s finally starting to make some friends at work.” You sit up and move to sit on your bum. “I have a cheeky idea. Let’s find a really bad porn to watch.”

“Together?”

“Yeah! We could find a cheesy one from the seventies or something, stuff our faces with ice cream and have a good laugh.”

“I’ll go get the ice cream, you find one to watch.” He slides his laptop over to you, and gets up.

You knew his password, so you enter it in. You open up his browser, and go on incognito mode. He comes back shortly with a gallon of ice cream and two spoons.

“Okay, I think I’ve found one. Major bush on this woman, and the guy.”

“Incredible.” He laughs and hands you a spoon. “Let’s see how they did it back then. Who knows, I may learn something new.”

“God, porn back then was only made for men.” You scoff, and take a bite of the ice cream. “I mean, these women just lay there and take it! What’s the fun in that?”

“I know, I like it when the girl’s a little more involved instead of just starfishing.”

“I’m all for a guy being on top, but you really shouldn’t just lay there. There’s still plenty a girl can do. Although, I have to say, when I’m not super into it, I just lay there until the guy comes.”

“Why not just speak up and tell him to do something else?”

“At that point there’s no coming back. Besides, you know how fragile the male ego is.” You smirk at him.

“True…although, I think it’s really hot when a girl is vocal in the bedroom. If she’s telling me how she likes it then I know she knows her body, and that image alone is so satisfying.” He takes a slow bite of the ice cream to watch your face.

“It doesn’t get frustrating?”

“Not for me.” He shrugs. “I mean, I’m usually able to figure it out without much help, but I always make sure to ask if it feels good.”

“What a gentleman.” You poke his cheek and he swats it away. “I like it when a guy is vocal too, like, isn’t afraid to moan, that kind of stuff.”

“I never understood why guys are so afraid to moan. If it feels good, let it out.”

“Exactly!”

You both completely forgot you had an old porn on in the background until you heard an extremely fake moan rip through the speaker. You both laugh hysterically.

“This must’ve been before boobs jobs got popular, those are as natural as they get.” Harry laughs.

“Jesus, I know, look at those things bounce!” You laugh, and then look down at yourself, frowning.

“What?”

“Well….I have, like, bowling ball tits, like when you go candle pin bowling, is it attractive to watch big, heavy boobs like that?” You point to the screen. “And mine are kinda saggy, and-“

“Please, stop talking about yourself like that. Don’t you have, like, thousands of subscribers on your Only Fans? People clearly like the way you look.”

“They’ve never seen me naked.”

“Still.” He looks down at your covered chest. You were wearing a sweatshirt. “You…not to sound creepy, but you’ve got a great set on you. I’ve always thought so.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I just never said anything because I didn’t want you knowing I was checking you out.” He smirks and throw one of his pillows at him. “It’s hard not to with some of the shirts or dresses you wear to the clubs sometimes. You really know how to make yourself look sexy.”

“Oh, and I’m not sexy right now?” You chuckle.

“No, you are, it’s just a different kind of sexy. Like, you more cute than anything else, but still totally fuckable.”

“Gee, thanks.” You roll your eyes and take another bite of ice cream. “Mm, we picked a really good flavor this week.”

“I know, way better than last week.”

“I’ve been having fun trying new flavors with you. Gives me something fun to look forward to. Is this twenty-two? Getting excited over ice cream flavors?”

“Pretty soon we’ll be excited over buying a new vacuum, or a dishrack.”

“Oh, I love a good dishrack.”

Harry bursts out laughing, and so do you. You ended up falling asleep with him in his bed, your head cradled to his chest. Harry was always the perfect cure to cramps.

//

“Oh…hello.” A girl says to you some random Wednesday morning. You were stood in your kitchen making some toast before class.

“Um, hi?”

“Oh, god, he has a girlfriend doesn’t he.” She whines.

“No! I’m Harry’s roommate. Did you spend the night, would you like some coffee?”

“Got scared for a second there. No, I’m all set thank you. Um, have a good one!” She says and leaves the flat.

“Is…is she gone?” Harry whispers from around the corner and you chuckle.

“Yes, Harry.”

“Thank god.” He sighs.

“Since when do you bring someone home with you on a Tuesday night?”

“I was working late at the coffee shop, and she was there doing homework, and one thing lead to another.” He pours himself a cup of coffee.

“And it was no good?”

“Terrible, I didn’t even ask for her number.”

“What made it so terrible?”

“She just…she wasn’t…doing it for me, I don’t know. There was no connection, Y/N.” He sighs.

“Maybe it’s time you start actually dating and work your way up to fucking someone.”

“That would involve me having to get to know someone, and I can’t stand people.” He pouts.

“Good thing you’re going to be a fucking teacher then.” You laugh. “Hurry up and get ready, or we’ll be late for class.”

Harry gets ready, and you both walk to campus for your K-12 instructors class. You were thankful to have class with Harry, you weren’t sure what you’d do without him. Just having someone to make eye contact with when someone said something stupid, or if the professor did something cringey.

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Hey, Daniel.” You smile up at him. “What’s up?”

“Well, I…I was wondering if you had plans this weekend? On Saturday?”

You look at Harry and he shakes his head no.

“Not that I can think of, no.”

“Great, uh, would you like to go to the movies? We could grab dinner as well.”

“I…I’d like that a lot, um, here.” You take your phone out to hand it to him. He puts his number and texts himself.

“Cool, I’ll text you later.” He moves to go sit down a few rows behind you. You look at Harry with a grin on your face.

“See, dating, it’s sorta fun.” You say to him.

“Wining and dining someone sure is a lot of effort. Don’t think I quite have it in me, but you have yourself a good time, pet.”

//

You have a wonderful time with Daniel on Saturday night. He took you to Panera, and then to see a comedy. He let you pick the movie, and you were delighted. You shared a lot of laughs, and made out with him in his car before he took you home.

“I ha d a lot of fun.” You tell him.

“Me too.” He says. “Maybe we could do this again sometime?”

“I’d like that.” You smile and get out of his car. When you get up to your flat, you can’t wait to dish with Harry about how your night went.

“Hola chica.” He says to you from the kitchen.

“Late night tacvos, my favorite. Save me any?”

“Course, grab what you like. How was your date?”

“Really good. Daniel’s super sweet.”

“Not sweet enough to bring home?”

“I’m taking my own advice and giving dating a try. He asked me if I wanted to go out again sometime and I said yes. We did kiss for a bit, it was nice.” You shove a taco into your mouth. “Mm, you make the best tacos, Har.”

“Don’t I know it? So…so you kissed, but nothing else?” He mutters as he finishes his food.

“Nope.”

“Did you want to?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug.

“Then you shouldn’t go out with him again.”

“What are you talking about?”

“If you didn’t wanna rip his clothes off, it’s probably not gonna last.”

“Lust doesn’t make a relationship.”

“No, but it should be passionate. Even if you’re respectful and wait, you should still wanna fuck the person.”

“Sometimes you have to work up to feeling that way.”

“Nah, when you know, you know.” He winks at you and goes over to the couch. “I was about to watch-“

“Oh my god!” You screech.

“What?!”

“Did you not check the mail earlier?! Kevin and Ashley are getting married! This is their save the date. Holy fucking shit.”

“Makes sense, they’ve been together forever.”

“Well, we have to go, Harry.”

“Okay.” He hears you suck your teeth. “What?”

“No plus ones…”

“So? We’d just go together anyways. We can save money on a hotel room too.”

“That’s true. I just…wow, I couldn’t imagine getting married right now.”

“Like I said, when you know, you know.” He plops down onto the couch and turns the TV on. You sit down next to him. You look at him for a moment, and then turn your attention to the TV. Nothing else really needed to be said.

//

You hated it when Harry was right. Daniel was nice, but there was no spark. You went on four dates with him, and you didn’t want to fuck him.

“Hey, I was looking on the hotel website for the wedding, the room with the king sized bed is actually cheaper than the one with the two queens. That work for you?” He asks you as he comes into your room holding his laptop.

“Yeah, that’s fine. Just tell me how much I need to Venmo you.”

“Will do, it’s not terribly expensive. I’ll only need a hundred bucks from you.”

“Perfect.” You take your phone and send him the money. “Thanks for booking it.”

“No problemo.” He comes in and sits on your bed. “What are you up to, babydoll?”

“Just putting some mock lesson plans together.” You sigh. “Could definitely use a break, though.” He lays down on your bed and pats the spot next to him. You roll your eyes at him, and he pouts. “Ugh, fine.” You get onto your bed with him. “Happy now?”

“Very…although….”

“What?”

“Well, you get to lay your head on my chest all the time. I’d like to do the same. Or…okay, there’s this trend on Tik Tok…could I lay down between your legs?”

“Um…like…with your head in my crotch?” You laugh. “I can put a pillow there and you can lay down if you like.”

“Okay.” You grab a pillow for him, and he gets on his back, resting his head, and looking up at you. You run your fingers through his curls and his eyes flutter closed. “I love it when you play with my hair.” He sighs.

“I knew you were coming in here with a motive. Booking the hotel room to get something out of it, huh?”

“Your nails just feel so good, and you know it.”

“Well, you better return the favor. I like getting my hair played with too.”

“I’ll touch you wherever you want me to, alright?” He yawns. “Just don’t stop for a bit.”

You brush off his crude comment, and does as he says. You liked playing with Harry’s hair, so it wasn’t a burden, and you liked when you two would just get cozy together like this. There weren’t many people you felt this comfortable with.

//

“Y/N, we need to get going down to the ceremony.” Harry calls from the bedroom of the hotel.

“Well, I wouldn’t be running behind if someone hadn’t taken twice as long as they said they would in the bathroom!”

“Can’t rush perfection, darling.” He smirks to himself.

“Mhm, so what does that make me?” You ask as you walk out of the bathroom. His mouth nearly falls open.

You had gotten your hair into a loose, low bun, with plenty of hair in the front to frame your face. You had a strapless purple dress on with black tights and black heels.

“Um…stunning, you look stunning.”

“Thanks.” You smile and grab your clutch. “You don’t look too bad yourself.” You wink at him and head out.

You both were blubbering messes during the ceremony. Rachel made sure to make fun you both for it. Once the cocktail hour hit, you were good to go. You found your table and sat down. You talked with some other friends and explained how grad school was going. You make it through the speeches and dinner, and then it’s time to dance.

Being at something like this reminded you of being at an old uni party, only more upscale. Ashley and Kevin’s families were around, so the music wasn’t exactly what you’d normally get down to, but there was an open bar that you were able to take advantage of. Partying with Harry was one of your favorite things. He always used to bring you to the best ones. A slow song starts to play, and you giggle as he bows and extends his hand to you.

“You’re an idiot.” You say as you take his hand and he pulls you close to him.

“Ah, but you’re still choosing to dance with me, babe.”

“Only cause I’m too lazy to find someone else.”

“Ha! That’ll be us someday reading vows at our won wedding. I was too lazy to find someone else, so I settled for my best friend.” He smirks at you and swat his shoulder.

“Would you be quiet? Enough of the people here think something’s going on between us as it is.”

“True.” He looks around at a few people’s wandering eyes. “Should we give them a bit of a show?” He slides his hands further down your back, getting dangerously close to your bum.

“Harry!” You squeal and giggle. “Stop it.” You grab his hands put them to their previous spot. “Just dance with me, would you?”

He chuckles and sways around with you. You both got pretty plastered. You couldn’t stop giggling with him all the way up to your room. You sigh once you get your heels off.

“Okay, I’m using the bathroom first.” You say to him.

“Fine.” He sighs and starts unbuttoning his dress shirt.

You head into the bathroom, and use the toilet. You get your tights all the way off and groan when you can’t reach the zipper on the back of your dress.

“Ugh, Harry!” You call for him. “I need your help!”

“Yeah?” He says, stepping into the bathroom in only his boxers. Nothing you hadn’t seen before.

“My zipper.”

“Oh.” He places a hand on your shoulder, and the other grips the zipper, slowly dragging it down. You clutch the front of it. “You’re not…uh…no bra?”

“No, there’s one built into the dress.” You turn around to face him. “I just need to grab my pj’s and then I’ll need a couple minutes to take my hair out.” You brush by him to go into your suitcase. He takes the opportunity to use the toilet and brush his teeth.

“Need help with anything else?” He asks as you step back into the bathroom.

“Nope, think I can handle the rest, thanks.” You giggle. “Wouldn’t mind some head scratches once I get into bed though.”

Harry gets into bed and waits for you. You come out with your hair a mess, your makeup smeared from rinsing it, and he furrows his brows at you.

“That’s my shirt.” He says as you knee onto the bed.

“Mhm, well, that’s what happens when you ask me to do your laundry for you. I steal your shirts as compensation.”

“Fair enough I suppose. Come here.”

You smile and lay on his chest so he can run his fingers through your hair. You moan softly from it as you relax into him.

“Feels so nice.” You mumble into his chest.

“I can tell.” One of his hands moves to rub your back. He mimics your moaning and you punch him in the arm. “Oi! I won’t love on you if you do that.”

“M’not asking you to love on me, I just wanted me head scratched. Be grateful you get to hear me make those noises, not everyone does.”

“Bet you’d make thousands if you posted something like that on your Only Fans.” He mutters and you move to look at him. “What?”

“Do you…ever look at my page?”

“Sometimes.”

“Why?”

“Sometimes I check your comments to see if anyone’s being rude.”

“Oh…” You swallow. “I make enough doing what I’m doing. I…I’d be too shy to do the really explicate stuff. I also just feel, like, I don’t want just anyone to see me naked, you know? That’s why I don’t go live, everyone would just ask me to take my clothes off.”

“I get that. Wanna keep it private for someone special.”

“Exactly. I mean, I’ve talked about this with you before, but there are plenty of people that are into what I post.”

“You certainly leave them wanting more.”

“You’ve…watched?”

“I’ve checked out some of the free videos you’ve posted, yeah.” He admits shamelessly. “You’re a very good dancer.” He smiles at you.

“I’m going to sleep.” You yawn and turn over. “Goodnight.” You look over your shoulder at him. “If you behave you can spoon me if you want.”

“What do you think I’m gonna do? Slide my prick between your ass cheeks? Grow up.” He says as he wraps his arm around you. You can’t help but laugh. “However, if I get hard while I’m sleeping you can’t get mad.”

“Suppose it’s not my fault I have such a fat, juicy ass, hm?”

“Go to sleep.” He laughs, and presses his chest to your back.

“Mm, you’re so cozy, Harry.”

“I know I am. Go to sleep, lovie.” He coos, and rubs at your side.

“Love you.”

“Love you too.” He sighs and nestles into the back of your head.

//

“So…you let him spoon you all night, and nothing happened?” Rachel whispers to you at breakfast the next morning.

“Happens more often than not, it’s not a big deal.”

“You two are so fucking weird! I’ve literally never met two people who were close that do what you do. Why not just make the jump? Neither one of you can manage to make another relationship work.”

“I don’t know…I…I just don’t see him like that, and I know Harry. If he really liked me like that he’d go for it.”

“Maybe he’s just scared to fuck it up with you.”

“Exactly, so, let’s just not fuck it up and try anything.”

“What are you two hens clucking about, hm?” Harry says as he sits down, putting a cinnamon roll in front of you. “Had you favorite.”

“I’m trying to watch the carbs…” You mutter.

“Please.” He scoffs. “Would you just eat the fucking pastry? It’s good for you.”

“How is that thing good for me?” You laugh.

“It makes you happy when you eat it. You always hum and smile when you eat a cinnamon roll.”

“How sweet of you to notice.” Rachel remarks. “You’re practically her boyfriend.”

“Rachel.” You seethe, and take a bite of the pastry. You hum softly. “Why do these bloody things taste so good, huh?”

Harry chuckles and rubs the back of your neck briefly as he eats his own breakfast. He and Rachel share a glance, but that’s the extent of that interaction.

//

“Hey, Harry?” You tap on the outside of his door frame.

“Yeah, babe?” He says, taking his headphones out. It was a Friday evening and you both were doing homework. His eyes widen when he looks at you. “Your face is all flushed, are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, I just…could you come look at something for me?”

“Sure.” He follows you to your room and sits with you on your bed.

“Um...could I…could I show you some new photos I took yesterday? I just finished editing them…and I’m feeling a little self-conscious.”

“Aw, why? You’re so beautiful.” He keeps your cheek and rubs his thumb along your cheekbone. “Course I’ll look ‘em over for you.”

“Thanks.” You swallow and put your laptop on his lap. “So…like usual, they’re not overly explicit, but I feel like my boobs look weird. I should have gotten something with more support.” You blush and point to the photo.

“They’re perfect, you look perfect, Y/N.” You suck your teeth at him. “You do! What else do you want me to say?”

“Okay, what about this one?”

“Perfect.”

“This one?”

“Perfect.”

“But what about this one?”

“Perfect, they’re all perfect. I don’t know why you don’t think so.” He frowns and sets your laptop down on your desk. He turns to look at you. “What’s really going on?”

“It’s just…I have all these people leaving comments saying they wish they could know me, date, fuck me…and…like I don’t know any of them! All they know about me is that I can dance, and I look cute sucking on a lollypop. I…if I wasn’t making the money I that I am I’d stop doing it because I just want someone real to say all of those things to me, you know?”

“Y/N…” Harry sighs. “I know you, I wanna date you, and I certainly want to fuck you.”

“Wh-what?”

“I know, it’s so cliché it’s disgusting, isn’t it?” He smirks. “But it’s how I feel. I’m sick of tip toeing around it.”

“How long have you felt this way?”

“Can’t really pinpoint it, I don’t think it’s been long, but it doesn’t feel new either.”

Your eyes well up with tears, and he puts his hand back on your cheek. You lean into it. You felt deeply confused.

“I just never thought we’d…like…I just didn’t think you were into my like that.”

“Well, I am, so…what do you think? We already get along great. We like spending time together. I truthfully can’t stand other people. I think you’re the only person’s day I actually like hearing about. Have you really never thought about it?”

“I don’t know! You never made a move when we were in undergrad, with all those nights we slept next to each other, you never did anything…”

“Yeah, because you were asleep, Y/N.” He deadpans. “What did you want me to do? Feel you up while you were unconscious? Or better yet, make a move while we were both intoxicated?”

“No, of course not.” You shake your head. “I…I don’t know what I wanted. I just felt lucky that I had such a good friend.”

“Yeah, me too.” He sighs. “Look, it’s okay if you don’t feel the same way, this doesn’t need to be weird. Just know if you wanted to give it a try, I’d be down.”

“You’re genuinely attracted to me, like, physically?”

“Yes.” He chuckles. “And I like what you got going on up here too.” He taps your forehead with his index finger. “But you knew that already. What about me, are you physically attracted to me?”

“Well…yeah, you know you’re hot.”

“I didn’t ask you what I know.” He smirks.

“Okay, yeah, I’ve always thought you were handsome, but you used to really be a douchebag, it turned me off. Made it easier to just be your friend.” You smirk at him and he rolls his eyes.

“M’not like that anymore.” He inches closer to you. You could feel his minty breath fanning over you.

“I know.” You say just above a whisper. The mood had changed immensely. The dim lighting in your room was creating an atmosphere you had never really felt with him before.

“So…I guess the only thing left to figure out is if there’s any real heat between us.” You nod at him as his hand goes back to cradle your cheek once more. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”

“Yes.”

You move towards each other slowly, your lips gracefully pressing against each other’s. You felt scared as your eyes pinched closed. It was scary to kiss your best friend, and what was scarier was that fact that it felt so natural and seamless. He pulls away, just to see if you’ll chase him, and you do, kissing him again. You do the same to him, and he comes chasing after your soft lips.

“Harry.” You whisper as you press your forehead to his.

“Yeah?” He whispers back.

“I…I wanna have sex with you.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

He cups both of your cheeks and pulls your lips back to his. His tongue peeks out to swipe along your bottom lip. He runs his lips back and forth over yours, and you open up for him. Your tongues meet, and you lick against each other, eliciting a moan from the both of you. You tug at the hem of his shirt, and he lets you lift it off. Your run your hands up and down his stomach as you continue to explore each other’s mouths, lips getting puffy and swollen. He sucks your bottom lip into his mouth while he unzips the sweatshirt you’re wearing. He pushes it off your shoulders, and you shimmy it the rest of the way off. He’s met with your bare breasts, and he licks his lips as he looks at them.

Harry pulls you closer to him, and his lips press against your neck. You cling to his biceps as he works his mouth down your chest. He looks up at you as he sucks on one of your nipples, rolling it between your teeth. You can’t help your head from falling back. He slides down to the floor as he continues to kiss on you. Your mouth falls open as he nips and sucks on your stomach, and his fingers hook into your leggings. He looks up at you and you nod. He tugs your leggings and underwear down your legs and gets them all the way off.

“Y/N, you’re sure?”

“Yes, I want you to, please.”

You open your legs for him, and he just about loses it from your confidence. He leans forward and kisses each of your hips. You think he’s about to go for your center, but he sucks on your inner thigh. You flinch from the sensitivity, but it feels good. You make sure to sit up on your elbows so you can watch him. He looks up at you and licks a flat stripe between your folds. He sucks on each of your lips before spreading you apart with his thumbs to focus on your clit. He sucks on it at first, harshly, and you gasp. He uses the tip of his tongue to flick back and forth against it. He runs his hands along your thighs to keep you open for him. You were clenching around nothing. His tongue was warm and wet, and everything you needed.

Your body starts to feel warm all over, you can feel your orgasm start to bubble up from within your lower belly. You let yourself fall back against the bed as you start to pant. Your voice cracks as louder moans begin to rip through your throat. He was sucking and slurping on your cunt, noises you had never heard before while someone was going down on you. And to really push you over the edge, he was moaning into you. Not little whimpers or grunts, genuine moans that were vibrating into you.

“Oh my god!” You cry out. A few tears roll down your cheeks as he continues to lap around you, helping you come down.

He kisses back up your body until he’s hovering over you. He smears his lips over yours, and you grunt, pulling him closer to you. It was the filthiest kiss of your life, completely tasting yourself on him, but you didn’t care. He just made you feel better than anyone ever did. You push him so he’ll on his back, and this time you’re the one to sink onto the floor. You get his jeans and boxers down his legs. Your eyes bug out when you see his large prick slap back against his stomach.

“Christ, Harry.”

“As if you didn’t already know.” He smirks.

“I mean, I had an idea.”

You spit into your hand and wrap it around his length. He grits his teeth as you start to slowly pump him up and down. You run his tip along your lips, and his mouth falls open. Your tongue presses over his slit and you wrap your lips around him. You suckle his tip, eliciting a moan from him. You hollow your cheeks and sink almost all the way down on him. You just wanted to feel him down your throat. You breathe your nose and just hold him there.

“Y/N.” He stutters.

You slowly pull off of him, a string of spit keeping you connected. You suck in a breath before sinking back down on him, not quite as much as you took before, and you bob up and down his length. You cup his balls and massage them as you make a mess of his prick. There was spit, drool, and precome dripping down your chin. Harry was a panting mess on the bed. His hands were gripping at the sheets, and the sight of him doing that causes you to moan. To see his veins popping out the way they were was enough to make you come again.

“Y/N, fuck, I’m gonna come.”

You moan around him as his come spurts into your mouth. You swallow it all and suck him dry. He pulls you up to him, dumbfounded that you just did what you did.

“I thought you wanted me to fuck you.” He breathes.

“I do, I’ve heard you have pretty good stamina.” You peck his lips. “I’m sure you’ll get hard again soon.”

He groans and shifts his thighs between your legs, making you gasp. He grips your hips and starts moving you back and forth along his tiger tattoo. Your nails dig into his chest as you work to grind against him.

“H-Harry.” You mewl.

“Yeah, ride my fucking leg, baby, show me how you do it.”

“God.”

“I want you so bad, I wanna fuck you so bad, Y/N.”

“Oh, oh!” You come undone on his thigh. You lean down and press your lips to his, licking into his mouth. Before you know it he’s moving you up his body, turning you around, and licking back into your cunt. “Shit!”

He’s relentless with you, fucking you with his tongue, telling you to bounce up and down on him, and you listen. He sucks on your clit again, and you fall forward, head resting on his thigh. You watch as his cock bloats back up. You’d never know someone to enjoy doing this so much. You kiss on his thigh because you just needed to do something with your mouth. He makes you come again, and he lifts you off of his face.

“Think you can keep going?” He smirks as your head falls back against your pillows.

He grabs your legs and pushes them back so your knees press against the bed. He lifts your bum enough to rest on his thighs, and he dips his tongue back into your cunt. This was some serious teasing. You watch as his tongue goes in and out of you, deeper each time. He reaches forward with one of his hands to rub your clit. It was throbbing for him.

“Harry, please.”

“What, no good?”

“No, it’s amazing, but…I really wanna feel your dick now, please, I know you’re hard again.”

“You just taste so good.” He brings his mouth down to your cunt and sucks on it.

“This won’t be the only time I’ll let your head between my legs, I promise.” You let your legs drop back to lay normally. He sits back as you look at each other. “When was the last time you were tested? I…I’m clean, and if you are too, I’d prefer not to use a condom if you feel comfortable with that.”

“STD test came back negative a month ago when I went in for a checkup. You’re on the pill?”

“Yeah.”

He leans down to kiss you, and then he pulls back to paint his cock with your wetness that was uncontrollably leaking out of you for him. He presses his tip against your clit, and slides it down your slit. He pushes inside you slowly. He fills you to the hilt, and waits. For a moment he just wants to enjoy how tight and snug you are around him. You push your hips up and start rocking against him.

“Jesus, Y/N, you’re so fucking perfect.”

“Because I’m moving myself on you?” You giggle.

“I just think it’s cute that you’re so goddamn impatient.”

“Would you just shut up and show what you can do with this thing? Or am I gonna have to do all of this myself?”

He accepts the challenge, pulling his hips back, and snapping them forward. You reach behind yourself to press against the headboard so your head doesn’t smack against it. He drives it into you fast and deep. He pushes you to the brink of coming, but he pulls all the way out of you. Before you can complain he flips you over, and grabs your hips. He pulls you back to him and slips back inside. You moan out from the new angle, and the sound of his skin slapping against yours makes your eyes roll back. He gives your bum a light smack and you grunt.

“You can do that a little harder, a little.” You didn’t want him to fully spank you, you weren’t into that sort of thing, but you didn’t mind feeling it a little more. He delivers a harsher smack and you groan again.

“You have the best ass I’ve ever seen.” He smacks you again and you grip onto the pillows. He grips the back of your neck to get a steadier pace going, and he uses his other hand to rub your clit.

“Fuck, Harry. You’re so attentive.” You manage to say. You felt like you could barely breathe.

“I’m gonna ruin you for any other guy.”

“Don’t want any other guy.” You admit. “I don’t want anyone else to fuck me.”

“Christ.” He moans.

His fingers move faster on your clit, and his tip pounds against your g-spot, and you’re coming. You’re coming hard around him. He pulls out and sits up against the headboard. You look up at him, completely frazzled.

“I want you ride me.”

“Okay.” You breathe. You shuffle around and swing your leg over him. You line him up with yourself and sink down on him.

He fondles your breasts as you move up and down on him. He kisses on your chest as you get a rhythm going. He leans back just to watch your tits bounce up and down. He looks up at you and grips you by the back of your neck to pull your mouth down to his. You breathe each other in and out as you moan and gasp. He takes control by gripping your hips, and you cling to him to let him just do what he wanted with you. You tighten around him and his head falls back for a moment.

“Where can I come?” He asks.

“Where do you want to come?”

“Inside you.”

“Okay.”

“You’re okay with that?”

“Yes.”

“You’re gonna be the death of me.” He grunts.

You cry out as he does when he comes. You don’t think you had ever felt so full in your life. He kisses you as you both catch your breaths. You tug at his hair, and grind against him. You were close to coming again. He takes the hint and snakes his hand between you both and rubs your clit. Your orgasm rips through you, and you moan into his neck.

“I’m so fucking sweaty.” You whisper.

“Do you wanna take a shower?”

“Yeah.” You look up at him. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Do I still have legs? Because I can’t feel them.”

He puffs out some air as he laughs, smoothing some hair away from your face.

“Yes, you still have legs, Y/N. Should I carry you to the bathroom?”

“Please, I really need to pee.”

He kisses your forehead and slowly lifts you off of him. You clench so nothing falls out. You didn’t want to make a bigger mess of your bed.

“We can sleep in my room and wash your sheets tomorrow, don’t worry about that.” He says as he carries you bridal style to the bathroom.

He sets you down on the toilet and steps out to give you some privacy. Once he hears the water for the shower start he comes back in. He splays a hand on your back and gives you a gentle rub before you both step in. You felt overwhelmed. You just had the best sex of your life with your very best friend. As he reaches for his body wash you swat his hand. He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Would you…would you just hold me?” Your bottom lip quivers, and he pulls you into his chest.

You nestle into him, and just stand under the warm water with him. He cradles your head and lets you cry into him. He starts to cry too, although he’s not really sure why.

“I don’t want anything to get fucked up between us, Harry.” You look up at him, tears streaming down your cheeks. “I love you so much, and I don’t want something bad to happen that’ll make us hate each other.”

“M’not gonna let that happen.” He wipes your tears away, and then wipes away his own. “We’re gonna do this right. We’ll go out on dates, and we’ll see where it goes, and I hope it goes well because I love you too, and I value so many of the things we have with each other.”

You each take turns scrubbing each other down, getting clean. It’s soothing, and calming. You both relax, and get wrapped up into some towels. You run the blow dryer through your hair quickly just so it’s not sopping wet. He gives you one of his bed shirts to wear, and you crawl into bed with him. Being immersed in his scent was exactly what you needed. You rest your head on his chest, and he throws his arm around you.

“When was the last time you actually dated someone?” You ask softly.

“Um…think I was sixteen to be honest with you.”

“Ah, so a while.” You chuckle.

“You literally know my entire sexual history, and I know yours, let’s not pretend we’re both experts with all this.”

“So…we’ll just make this up as we go? I mean, I like that we sleep together sometimes, but I wanna keep my room, I don’t wanna move into the same room.”

“Christ, slow down, we just got together and you’re already talking about moving into the same bedroom?” You swat at his chest and he laughs, kissing the top of your head. “In all seriousness, I feel the same way, I think we should still have our separate spaces. You get pissed off with me easily.”

“Maybe you should try not to piss me off then.”

“Well, now that I know you enjoy a good tonguing, I’m not really worried about it. God, we can make up from a fight with sex instead of watching Dirty Dancing, it’s gonna be incredible.”

“Can…can we not do both?” You look up at him. “I love singing Hungry Eyes with you.”

“Yeah, both is good.”

“And I wanna make sure we clarify what are dates, and what’s just hanging out. I want dates to feel…special, I don’t know.”

“Can do. I think study dates at the library are gonna be my favorite.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because I can rile you up. I’ll sit across from you to play footsie, and then I’ll run my foot up your leg. I’ll make eyes at you. You’ll end up blowing me in the bathroom, it’ll be great.”

“Mm, yes, well, what if my leg’s the one doing the rubbing? I could probably make you come in your pants from my foot on your crotch alone.”

“Okay, no study dates. You know what I would really like, though?”

“What?”

“Sometimes…sometimes I really miss you when I work double shifts at work, and then I feel bad because you’re here all by yourself…so maybe you could come to the coffee shop more? Hang out, do homework, I’ll give you free food.”

“Sounds like a sweet deal to me.” You bite your bottom lip. “You’re not gonna ask me to give up my Only Fans are you?”

“What? No, why would you even think that?”

“I don’t know…you’re the jealous type, Harry.”

“True…but if that’s what you wanna do for work, I don’t have a problem with it. Can I tell you a dirty secret?”

“Always.”

“I’m subscribed to your page.”

“You are?!”

“Yeah…I’ve never wanked to your stuff because I feel like that would be creepy, but I do keep up with what you post.”

“I’m not gonna do it forever, once I get a real job I won’t need it…”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, babe. Even if you were doing the really filthy stuff, I wouldn’t care. That’s your business.”

“God, if I wasn’t so tired I’d hop on your dick again.”

He chuckles at that and gives your shoulder a squeeze.

“Any other questions?”

“I don’t think so. Although, I’m not looking forward to telling Rachel. The it’s about time or I told you so is not gonna be fun.”

“Same with Niall and Louis. We just gotta rip the band aid.”

You hum your response and get a little cozier by putting one of your legs over his. It was easy enough to fall asleep. You talked, so you weren’t worried about your friendship ending. If anything, it was all going to get better. Being able to kiss and touch on top of how you were with each other already was just the cherry on top. It didn’t happen over drinks, it didn’t happen in a club, and it didn’t happen by mistake. This was on purpose. He was the person you were supposed to be with, and he felt the same way.

[you-cant-spell-subtext-without]

Dean Winchester x Jeremy Bradshaw ??

Idk if you are asking re my post the other day about Angels or just generally, but just to be transparent Dean's OTP in Angels is Cas and I will not be permitting outsiders.

however, for purposes of um, brainstorming - for you know Science, I mean 10/10 Dean would find Professor Jeremy Bradshaw attractive. Dean THEEEE king of having a thing for authority figures Winchester? Dean 'I like men in uniform,' Dean 'I like doctors' Winchester? And snarky, I'm Always Right Professor Jeremy Bradshaw? (Also I mean. it goes without saying He Is Dean's Type ;)).

Yeah our boy would be A Whole Mess over this man.

However, I'm not entirely certain how Professor Bradshaw would feel about Dean. I can, however imagine the conversation that would ensue...and I wrote it down for you, nonnie - under the cut!

Dean's having a really long day, and it's only 9:00 a.m.

Yeah, he got his four hours last night, but still - hauling ass to school of all places this early in the morning - well, cracking the books at the first sign of the sun's never been one of Dean's favorite things.

But the mysterious disappearances in the Bridgewater Triangle are all over the papers - and according to the Lore (which now apparently comes in the medium of podcast), this isn't the first occurrence of paranormal activity in the area.

So here they are.

Sam's gone to nerd heaven in the university library, leaving Dean stuck talking to their primary witness.

Who happens to be - a professor of fucking folklore? What are the odds?

Dean waits for the stream of students pouring from the open door of the classroom to peter out before he slides inside. The man he's seeking out is still lingering in front of the rows of uncomfortable looking chairs. They're the kind with seats that stick straight up to the ceiling when a posterior isn't weighing them down.

"Jer- um, Professor?" Dean's not sure why he's hesitating, but something about leading with 'Jeremy' seems entirely too familiar for someone he's just met.

Especially when that someone is standing in front of him at a podium of all things, looking like an intriguing mixed bag of business casual blazer and rumpled button down shirt, dark swoops of hair grazing the sides of his face, still messy - as if he couldn't possibly bother with brushing it this morning.

Dean's never been to college but he's starting to think he understands why Sammy won't shut up about his 'time at Stanford.'

The professor is looking at him oddly.

Dean realizes he's literally stopped speaking and they're just standing in the middle of the classroom in stone silence. "Erhm. Dean Winchester. Aquarius," Dean blurts out, feeling a little unhinged.

He suddenly realizes he's given this man his real name as opposed to this week's FBI alias, and now he's going to have to explain why he's here in a suit and quickly-growing-more-uncomfortable tie.

Maybe not though, because the expression staring back at Dean is the epitome of 'I could care less.'

"Jeremy Bradshaw," he says in a melodic timbre, and yeah maybe Dean could sit through a lecture if this dude gave it.

"I don't really subscribe to the idea of the zodiac, so I hope you don't mind if I don't share my birth chart with you," Professor Bradshaw continues. There's a snarky little bite to his syllables that pricks the back of Dean's neck in a funny way. "Pray tell, what can I assist you with other than directions to the astrology department?"

Dean's not sure what he was expecting (maybe some mild mannered dude, dorkier than even Cas?), but it certainly wasn't all...this.

He clears his throat. "My brother Sam and I, we uh. We hunt monsters!"

What is happening to him? Maybe the supernatural creature they're hunting is the professor himself.

Potentially-Monster-of-the-Week-slash-Professor Sexy Bradshaw seems equally confused by Dean's demeanor.

"Monsters aren't real," he says almost gently - the equivalent of a 'there, there' to a recalcitrant child who's inquiring about a candy bar in the grocery checkout line. "Trust me, folklore is my primary field of study."

"Um," Dean continues, feeling suddenly very much like he's shown up for a final exam entirely unprepared. "Well, actually - they are."

This is going great.

Professor Bradshaw frowns a little, and Dean can see by the press of his lips he's starting to lose patience with him. "Mr. Winchester, was it? Listen, I've dealt with enough people who believe the things you do to know minds can't often be changed, but I can genuinely tell you that there's an explanation for anything you may be ascribing to the...paranormal."

He takes the wire-rimmed glasses from his nose, simultaneously pulling a handkerchief out of the pocket of his slacks, and wipes the lenses carefully.

Dean watches his movements like he's in a fever dream.

Dude's gotta be a siren or something.

Professor Bradshaw slides the spectacles back on and purses his lips with a sigh. "If you like, however - I'm always happy to discuss the supernatural in terms of academia. I have the background."

Great. The last thing Dean 'GED and a give-em-hell attitude' Winchester needs right now is to discuss his actual godforsaken job in terms of...academia.

After a moment of collecting himself, Dean decides to go with:

"What is your background, exactly?"

Maybe there's a back door approach here.

He slams down on the next incoming thought prompted by his use of this particular terminology with particularly intense vehemence. If the professor sees Dean squirming, he doesn't comment, replying instead:

"I happen to have a PhD in - "

Dean doesn't even let him finish the sentence. "A PhD? Like a doctorate?"

Professor Bradshaw nods, increasing irritation tensing the lines of his jaw. The toe of his extremely sensible Oxford shoe is starting to tap a little beat on the faded hardwood of the classroom floor.

Dean knows it's not the same as a medical doctorate.

He's aware.

But that doesn't stop him from picturing Doctor-Monster-Professor-Bradshaw sporting a white jacket and scrubs, with a dangling stethoscope replacing the bowtie that's currently perched on his neck.

Professor Bradshaw's eyes are blinking at Dean. They're full of confusion.

He suddenly notices that they are also very, very, very blue.

Yeah - Dean's gonna have a really long day.

[megaawkwardhuman]

Ok but like the garlic powder is fuck genius

Nandor is really concerned for his friends :(

"You hurt Jeremy!" "FUCK JEREMY!" Iconic

If only there was a better way to get him out of there :(

Guillermo look I get what you're trying to do BUT AGAIN WORD IT BETTER FFS

fun fact: for a period of time I'd quote "you're not a human master! Oh yeah then how do you explain this! It's been one week since you looked at me cocked you head to the side and said I'm angry. Five days since you laughed at me. I know the whole fucking song I'd say that's pretty gosh darn human huh! You've been brainwashed..." To myself at like one am for no real reason (might have been a stim? idk)

This whole conversation in the car... Woof

I get both sides here

Nandor wants to return to somewhere where he's not going to be humiliated and belittled again

Somewhere surrounded by people who he thinks actually care about him

Meanwhile guillermo originally was just going to check on him

But once the situation proved to be dangerous he wanted to get them both to a place he knows is safer

While guillermo is being kinda selfish he ends up wanting to do the right thing and doing the right thing BUT FUMBLES THE EXECUTION SOOOOOO BAD

Meanwhile nandor is doing something that on paper sounds right but in reality isn't what he think it is whatsoever since he's being taken advantage of and if he stayed around longer he would have gotten killed

So yeah pain all around

AND NOW WE GET TO THE WORST THING GUILLERMO HAS DONE IN MY HONEST OPINION

The pp jokes were funny and the do you trust me no thing was funny BUT WHAT FOLLOWS AFTER JUST SJRHHRHEHEGGEGSHWHWHEH

WHY

THE FUCK

DID YOU PUT HIM

IN A FUCKING CAGE!?!?!??

LIKE OK YOU WANT HIM TO NOT RUN BACK OK I GET THAT BUT A CAGE!?!??

LOCK HIM IN HIS ROOM IF YOU HAVE TO BUT NOT A SHITTY FUCKING CAGE!

IS THIS YOUR WAY AT GETTING BACK FOR THEM PUTTING YOU IN A CAGE!?!?!?? IT MAKE NO SENSE!!!!!!!!!!!?

GUILLERMO YOU'RE MY FAV CHARACTER I LOVE YA AND ALL BUT WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK

And the comments the others make and the way it just confirms how he thinks the others view him just

AND THEN GUILLERMO JUST LEAVES HIM IN THE DARK AFTER HE TELLS AT HIM NOT TO IS JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAJEHHDHSHEHDHJDISJFUJSHSHSHDHDHHSGSGAAAAAAAAAUDJJRH

And then it just ends

No resolution

No apologies

No comfort

It just cuts to the credits as we get punched in the face with SOS

OW

OK after looking at this

I'm gonna break it into another post soooo thoughts will go here from now on

Also gonna try to lump together multiple thoughts cuz again I'm worried about spamming people's dash so again SORRY!

If you can't tell already I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING :D

Link to the other posts to catch up

Now back to actually thoughts

The way he talks about jan vs how jan talks about him OOF

You can see him talk about her in a way that shows he actually cares about her MEANWHILE jan only talks about the sex

Nandor you need a hug, someone who ACTUALLY cares about you, and to GET THE FUCK OUT YOU'RE GOING TO GET KILLED

Also sure you don't NEED to check up on him guillermo but you fucking should

Hearing him trying to justify checking up on nandor is just.... JUST FUCKING ADMIT YOU CARE DAMN IT

[juniperhillpatient]

noncomprehnsive list of things in tvd that I’m 90% sure weren’t supposed to be funny but consistently make me lose my fucking mind: 

damon being all “the moonstone is hidden somewhere safe where no one will EVER find it” all mysteriously & the entire plot being about keeping the moonstone safe & away from katherine (who is LIVING in the HOUSE WITH the salvatores) & it’s literally just in the soap dish like. I guess damon thot katherine was a dirty bitch 😔 who didn’t wash her hands 😔 or ???????????

that time elena told damon she would try to hang out with him if he stopped doing “that thing” with his face like. she literally said “okay I guess we can be friends even though I am dating your brother but if you could try a little harder not to be so hot...” 

stefan & damon’s whole thing in that brotherly bonding season 1 episode where their bonding thing was playing a game that they always argued about who invented it & it’s a whole game or whatever but then they play & it’s just...catch. and then one tackles the other. like. they play it as humans too guys. they act like it’s this big thing but it’s just. catch and tackle. kings 💯

tbh the entirety of back when damon was a villain the fact that stefan & damon just. were still roommates. like. they were mortal enemies but also roommates. same with when katherine moved in with them. kings of just being like “well this is too nice a house not to share. even with mortal enemies” 💖

andy star. everything about her. the fact that she would sometimes jsut show up out of the blue during important conversations & it was like “wait was she here this whole time?” the way damon sometimes just brought her with him on important missions just for fun. the way damon brought her with him as his beard on his stealth dates with alaric sometimes. all of it. andy star is the real best tvd character. queen 

tbh damon & alaric’s whole friendship? the way alaric was like “I am a DARK and BROODING vampire hunter with a SCARY past 😤 but he’s literally canonically never killed an actual vampire until that one random vamp he killed on his first kill (don’t remember the details) & damon legit slept with his wife & changed her into a vampire but alric is just like. well. I didn’t know vampires were just so darn baby 🥺 & they become best friends on sight 

that time elena was sad because damon died so she started attacking people in the woods. mood. feral queen 

jeremy finding out damon killed him & reacting by following damon around like a lost puppy. simp culture 

elijah being built up as this horrifying terrifying scary scary villain & he just shows up & he is a smol polite british man 

klaus having an italian accent for literally no reason for like 2 seconds when he’s possessing alaric. the horrendous acting of that entire possession arc really. 

that time the founder’s council kidnapped stefan & damon & them & caroline killed a bunch of cops & caroline (sweet soft baby caroline who is so anti violence) said “if there’s ever a time to break your diet...” like. tvd said ACAB way back in 2001 or whenever that was. truly ahead of their time

if y’all have more add on 

[thetriggeredhappy]

Okay so that last one with scout losing snipes broke my heart into a zillion pieces so... What if sniper never died? Maybe he was badly hurt and is hiding somewhere... -🐑

i really like how you people keep doing this thing where you’re like “hey what if you ripped my whole heart out and stomped on it” then i do because you literally asked and you're all “owie :( ouch owie :( can i have a band-aid now” like it’s funny every time

(warnings for mention of firearms and discussion of severe life-threatening injury)

-

His contract expired.

Somewhere along the line—wonder when?—apparently his work had gotten ‘sloppy’. He’d gotten ‘erratic’. So six years after what all happened, when his contract was up to be renewed, Miss Pauling gently urged him to let it expire and to just head home.

It wasn’t like he had a good reason not to. He didn’t particularly get along with any of the team (anymore). A few of them had come and gone—Pyro apparently got reassigned somewhere and was gone overnight, and at some point Demo decided to leave mercenary work altogether to get a real, proper, legally sound job somewhere. Both of them had been replaced.

Their new Sniper wasn’t as polite as—

She was even more of a recluse, although she got along alright with Heavy sometimes. She was also Russian, which probably helped. And Scout felt a little bad about how much he hated her. She couldn’t help what happened. It wasn’t her fault. She was just picking up the baton on this job. Someone had to do it.

Mostly he just ended up avoiding her. And everyone else.

Exactly once he’d tried to take up dating again. Someone had gotten particularly sweet when he was out at a bar, and they’d flirted for a little while, then they’d suggested they both head somewhere else, and that they had a car if he wanted to—

He quietly stammered his way through a refusal. The vague guilt and unease reached a head the second he thought about getting in a car.

He’d needed to sell his car and get a motorcycle instead, at some point. The idea of getting in a vehicle had become an irrational fear, after he’d seen a picture of the wreckage, smelled the acrid smoke on the salvaged belongings.

That was one reason he took a plane home and had all his stuff shipped separately.

That meant that it was a few days of wearing only his old clothes when he got back, waiting for the rest to show up. And those were a little hard to squeeze into, he’d really been a lanky fuck before he became a mercenary.

The only thing he had at home that fit right was the suit, left there hanging in his closet to get eaten by moths.

The suit and the boxes of things were all shoved into the far side of his closet, and they stayed that way. He felt like maybe he wouldn’t ever be ready to look at them again, and in the meantime, they just made him feel guilty.

For the first two months after he got off work, he didn’t really do much. He stayed home, stayed out of trouble. Put his things away, sorted through what he wanted to keep and what he could just get rid of, either selling it or scrapping it if it was just kinda garbage. He tried to catch up with his brothers a little bit, the ones left in Boston still, but he didn’t get very far, feeling weird and disconnected.

After two months, he finally felt bad about Ma constantly tip-toeing around the topic of employment or hobbies (not that he needed to worry about those—he had enough money saved to not worry about much of anything until he was like, eighty), and he started trying to look for work, or maybe just something to keep him busy. For a month or so he looked into becoming a bartender, but the hours were a little weird. He thought about trying to get into doing baseball on some professional level, but he was getting a little old to be going into it for the first time since his late teens and early twenties. He very briefly looked into doing the cartoons for the newspaper—he was pretty good at art by then—before he found out they would require some amount of actual schooling for it.

So he ended up latching onto that, and started heading to the library five or six days a week to spend a few hours there studying to get his GED. His Ma supported him wholeheartedly on it, and got around to telling him, about a month into his new routine, that she was really glad he found something to do, something he wanted, that he’d just seemed so miserable, before, waiting around for something to happen.

Maybe she was right. He was waiting around for something to happen. He got the speech from Miss P—“ten years following your departure from the team, you and anyone nearby you will be kept in the system, and if there’s anyone who tries to bring you harm we’ll catch them before they can, and here’s a phone number to call if anything suspicious happens that you want looked into”. To him, that meant “someone might try and kill you”. So he did stay strapped when he went places, looked over his shoulder, kept an eye on doors and other potential exits.

So when he got back from the library one day and saw a car parked out in front of the house, at least he was prepared.

He thought fast. Kept driving past the house and parked a little ways down the block—he could drive the bike back later, it didn’t matter. He unlocked the door as quietly as he could, pushed it open with his shoulder, pistol drawn and cocked, falling back into old habits maybe a little too easily considering he hadn’t been a mercenary for almost a year and a half.

Voices from the living room—not from the TV, and not Ma on the phone, because he could also hear the TV, and there was a commercial playing that he recognized, one that didn’t involve Ma and a second, much deeper voice.

He steadied his hands, rolled his shoulders, and stepped into the room, leveling his gun directly at the head of the person within.

First he took stock of the fact that Ma was indeed there, sitting on the couch, looking relatively relaxed and entirely unharmed, if surprised to see him there and also with a gun. Then he took stock of the room, saw that there was only one other person here, the one he was pointing a gun at, the one who had slowly raised his hands up to either side of his head. Potentially unarmed, it was hard to tell with his baggy jacket—

Wait a minute.

Scout frowned, squinted, looking over his face a little more closely as realization started creeping into view.

He tried to imagine, for a second. What exactly would seven years do to a guy?

Maybe he’d end up with his hair growing out a lot longer, from close-cut to hanging down around his ears. Maybe with a beard, relatively clean but still a bit messy in some ways. Maybe he’d get new clothes, his eyes would sink a little bit more, would start to crinkle at the corners. More freckles, more spots maybe. Aged, scarred. Maybe he’d be wearing glasses. Maybe, despite all of that, he wouldn’t look all that different at all.

“...’llo, Bilby,” Sniper said quietly, hopefully, voice rough, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout lowered his gun, marched three steps forward, and slapped him clear across the face.

It was a hefty slap. The smack noise was practically ringing, and his hand stung like a bitch, and he’d hit him hard enough to knock his glasses off to clatter across the floor, and his head snapped back at the force of it, and the noise he made was satisfyingly pained.

“Right. Probably deserve that,” he croaked, and maybe he meant to say more, but he didn’t get the chance, because Scout tucked back away his gun, grabbed Sniper by the sides of his head, and kissed him square on the mouth.

It was a hard kiss, hard enough that he got Sniper to do that thing where he made an undignified little squeaky noise of surprise, caught off guard by it. He only melted forward for a second or two before Scout was pulling back away again.

“You fucking piece of shit son of a bitch cunt I’m gonna fucking kill you,” Scout practically snarled.

“Jeremy,” his Ma admonished from the couch.

“He’s right,” Sniper said weakly.

“I’m gonna kill you,” Scout insisted, just as fiercely. “What the fuck happened to you?!”

“There was a—“ Sniper started explaining, but Scout cut him off.

“Car bomb between 2:45 and 2:50 PM twenty minutes away from the nearest city limits,” he listed off, “I know that, but what—seven fucking years, Snipes!”

“I know,” Sniper said, voice flimsy. “First two years were recovery and physical therapy, next four were trying to get legal papers and apply for a visa to get back into the States again.”

“That bad?” Scout asked, still angry but faltering.

“Needed reconstructive surgery on... most of the left side of my body. Lost some teeth,” he said, and tugged his lip back on one side to show him where three teeth, the three behind the canines, were a slightly different color, then dropped his hand again. “Plenty of scars. Might be, er... missing a lot of those freckles you liked. And... voice comes and goes sometimes. But, Australian miracle medicine, I’m much better than I was.”

“You grew your hair out,” Scout noted next, carding his hands up through it.

Sniper laughed. “Lost half my teeth and needed a new coat of paint on the whole left of me, and you’re worried about my hair?” he chided.

“It’s just new, thought you hated it getting long,” Scout shrugged.

“Y’know,” his Ma said, sounding all too amused by the proceedings, approaching with Sniper’s glasses and handing them over to him, “you’re lucky you showed me those pictures all those years ago, Jeremy. Otherwise, strange guy shows up at our door askin’ about your work name and all, I would’a started blasting.”

She nodded meaningfully towards the table beside the couch, and Scout saw that indeed she had a gun there, taken from its place where he kept it stashed by the door as a “just in case”.

“Thanks, Ma,” he said, smiling a little.

“No problem, sweetheart,” she said, and patted him on the arm. She glanced between him and Sniper and scooped up the firearm from the table. “I’ll just go put this away,” she said, and left the two of them alone.

“Would’ve been easier to track you down if you’d given me more to go on than ‘southern Boston’,” Sniper said, eyebrows rising. “And if I didn’t need to be so careful about how I asked.”

“Huh?”

Sniper’s expression fell a little, and he raised his hand to fix his hair where Scout had mussed it up. “Look, you know the rules. Employer keeps an eye out for us for years after we leave. That means if I asked through my usual methods of tracking people down, that’d send up flashing red lights somewhere. So I... needed to take extra precautions.”

“Miss P told me they took care of the guys that tried to kill you,” Scout said, frowning.

“I went off radar for almost two years without official leave,” Sniper murmured. “And it wasn’t on purpose, but I don’t think they’d believe that. They might try and kill me if they find out I’m still alive. I’m a loose end.”

Scout’s heart dropped.

“Only cut it close once,” Sniper said, gaze falling. “But that was enough for Miss Pauling to get in contact with me, to try to talk to me. I... I told her I’m done, I’m out of mercenary work, and... just as a precaution I have to do a few things now. Check in on the regular. I wear this,” he said, pushing his sleeve up to show off a bulky device on his wrist, bigger than a watch. “It’s tracker. Makes sure I’m only in the places I say I’m going. Had to get a visa by myself, get transportation by myself, and it cut my protection time in half so now I’ve had to hire on someone to guard my parents and keep them safe, but now she’ll keep it secret that I’m alive. They’ll stop looking for me in two years, and if by then I’m still playing by the rules, I’m free. Back to normal life.”

“She said it was okay that you be here?” Scout asked. “In the same city as me? She wasn’t worried about that?”

“Told her why I was coming here,” Sniper shrugged.

“And what’d you tell her?” Scout asked softly.

They looked at each other.

“I... didn’t want to assume,” Sniper said quietly, carefully, looking over his face. “That you’d... I, I understand if you’ve moved on. Seven years, declared dead—“

“I didn’t,” Scout said just as quietly.

Sniper gave a breathless little laugh, cupping his face. “Bilby, I told you to,” he tried.

“Well, so-rry,” Scout said next, throat a little tight, hands on his hips, “Mister—Mister Legally Dead. Sorry I didn’t jump into speed dating the second I got the news. What, you—you wanted me to have kids by now?”

“Wouldn’t blame you,” Sniper shrugged, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “But... I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Well I’m glad you’re glad,” Scout mumbled, and kissed him, and pulled back away. “So...?”

Sniper was smiling, wide and unashamed. “So one day at a time,” he said quietly. “We can talk about it more in a bit. First, mind if I use your phone?”

“Why?”

“Meant to call in to check with Pauling in—“ He glanced around to find the clock in the room. “—three minutes or so. And... I ought to tell her I’ve made progress. And... that we’re sorting out details. Might call you over to talk to her too.”

“Yeah, go ahead. Hallway by the kitchen,” Scout directed, and kissed him again, and again, and again, until Sniper urged him down and off before he was late calling in.

He found himself in the kitchen, looking out the window. Ma was unloading the dishwasher and humming. In the hallway, the sound of talking, long pauses, more talking.

“He seems nice,” Ma said quietly, and shot Scout a smile, and Scout smiled too.

“He was—is,” he corrected quickly, flinching a little bit.

“How you feelin’?” Ma asked.

Scout looked down, crossed his arms over himself. “Y’know how in movies there’s that bit people do, all “feels too good to be true” or whatever?”

“Uh huh.”

“Kinda the opposite. It feels... like him being gone wasn’t real. And now stuff is real again.”

“Like you woke up?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, exactly,” Scout confirmed.

“I could tell,” Ma admitted, and stretched to reach the cabinet to put things away once they were good and dry. “Been a zombie since you got back, seems like maybe you’ve been a zombie for a while.”

Scout moved over to help, taking the dishes that belonged in the higher shelves and starting to put those away. “Sheesh, was I seriously that obvious?”

“It was pretty bad.”

“...Is that, like... normal? Or... healthy?” Scout asked carefully.

Ma laughed. “Sweetheart, how should I know?”

“But you know, like, everything.”

Ma pinched him on the cheek at the compliment and he squawked a complaint, and she laughed.

“I don’t know if it’s healthy,” she finally replied. “And... maybe it’s not about whether it’s healthy. Maybe... it’s just one step. And, hey, it worked out, didn’t it?”

“Yeah,” he agreed, and smiled. “Yeah, it did.”

“Bilby,” Sniper called, leaning in to look through the door to the kitchen, phone cord visibly all stretched out. “Wants to talk to you.”

Miss Pauling ran through a brief check to make sure he was indeed Scout, then asked a series of questions. Whether he felt safe with being around Sniper on the regular. Whether Sniper would be staying with him on the regular, and the fact that instead of extending security to cover him, she’d need to just go more lax on Scout’s security to make sure Sniper wasn’t found out.

He was fine with that. All of that.

After the phone call, after a few more questions, he dragged Sniper upstairs and flung open the door to his closet, digging through the dusty old boxes with purpose. Then he was pulling out an item and shoving it directly into Sniper’s chest.

Sniper put his hat back on, and Scout couldn’t help but yank him down into another kiss at the wave of nostalgia and familiarity as Sniper nudged his glasses up and looked at him and asked if it was on crooked, the same way he’d said a hundred times before, a hundred years ago.

And, hopefully, he’d say it a billion more times, for a billion more years. Scout would make sure of it.

[willdexpoindexter]

Bridges

This angsty Heart Mumurs ficlet actually has a happy ending. who knew I could still write those?

Even though I love you I'll break you like a promise Trust me when I say you're Better off alone - Bridges, jeremy messersmith

Kent leaned over the railing and looked down at the bustling city below Jeff’s apartment balcony. They’d been messing around for a few weeks now and Kent was sure he was going to get his heart broken soon. 

He didn’t even know how it had started! One night they had just been hanging out and Jeff kissed him. Who was Kent to say no to that? 

No, the issue was Kent was bad news. He was a trainwreck in relationships. So he knew he was going to fuck it all up, probably soon. 

A pair of warm arms slunk around his waist and he leaned back into Jeff. 

“Hey, Swoops,” Kent sighed with a smile. He was going to take all he could get before he eventually fucked it up. 

“Whatcha doing out here?” 

“Just watching the city.” Kent shrugged. 

“She’s a beauty,” Jeff agreed.

Kent turned in the loose grasp and reached up to pull Jeff into a kiss. It started off hot and heavy like most of their kisses did -- a reason to go to bed more than a show of affection -- but Jeff pulled back and gentled this one. He tilted Kent’s head and a soft whimper escaped as they kissed slow and sweet. 

“You know, I’ve never felt so… wanted as when I’m with you,” Jeff whispered between them when he released Kent’s lips. “I’m glad we’re doing this. I’m glad you’re sticking around.”

Kent blinked up at him, his mind spinning from the kiss and the words Jeff was saying. 

“What are we doing?” he asked. 

“Well, this. Us.” Jeff furrowed his brow. “What do you think we’re doing?”

“Hooking up?” Kent answered, mostly truthfully. He did think that’s all it was to Jeff, even if it was more to him. 

“Oh.”

“Jeff --,” Kent started, but the words got caught in his mouth and he couldn’t finish the sentence. 

“You don’t want to, uh, be together?”

“You don’t want me,” Kent said instead of answering. 

“I think I can decide that for myself,” Jeff said, stepping back from the loose embrace. “I like you, Kent.”

“Don’t. I’m shit. I’ll just fuck you up like every guy I’ve been with. It’s just… It’s better this way.”

Jeff stared at him for a minute and then laughed. 

“What the fuck is so funny?” Kent asked, folding his arms. “I know what I’m like. I’ll just screw up again and then you’ll hate me and the team will hate me because of course they’ll side with you and --.”

Jeff had stopped laughing now and suddenly hugged Kent tight, his arms still folded between their chests. 

“You’re okay,” Jeff said softly, the wind nearly taking his words. 

Kent squeezed his eyes closed against Jeff’s shoulder and let himself be held for a long moment. 

“I will, you know I’m right,” he said at last. 

“I know you won’t. You’re not broken, Kent. And you won’t break me.”

The little voice inside his head insisted Jeff was lying, he would break him like a promise, it was only a matter of time. But the feeling of his arms around Kent’s shoulders held it at bay and he let himself dream, just for a minute. 

Finally, Jeff let him go and took a half step back so they could see each other. “Now, since I’ve clearly fucked this communication thing up, I’m taking you on a real date and we’re gonna clear some things up. And then later, I’m gonna kiss you some more. How’s that sound?”

Kent nodded and let Jeff take his hand, a smile coming to his face unbidden. 

He didn’t really believe him yet, but a new little voice had piped up in his head. This one said, “maybe he’s right,” and that was enough for now.

(on ao3)

[lucarioisinthevoid]

Twitch Streamer AU???

(I planned on pushing out a FEW AU asks, but then realized I don’t even have so many. There’s going to be a FNAC event, but that will be an event, not a specific AU ask, so- I guess this is it! Very cursed AU, thank you very much Anon Small warning for mentions of blood, I think? Nothing too bad.)

Streamers, youtubers, content creators. Some people are all of these, some people are none, and some are just one- because each of them needed a very different talent. Those who could do seemingly everything were few and far between- And they ruled the entertainment scene! Thankfully though, the main three as most called them, were also always out for new content to watch. Thus they boosted those that they saw potential in. With some taking the boost and then going off to do their own thing- And some becoming good friends. It always started with a letter. Mike had the habit to do things on stream, as long as no personal details were not visible on them. He used a false email which he regularly changed, and he generally kept himself as safe as possible. Opening emails on stream could be rather fun, even if it was a risk. Sometimes it encouraged people to send bad things- So to prevent the worst, nothing would be downloaded and all emails containing images would be put into the spam bin. Better safe than sorry, the internet was full of terrible people. This day so far had been successful. And by successful it meant that Mike was SCREAMING. “I HATE SUPER MEAT BOY. I WILL COMMIT VIOLENCE AGAINST MEAT IN A MINUTE. I HAVE A BIG F-CKING STEAK IN THE KITCHEN, AND I WILL THROW IT AGAINST THE F_CKING WALL. I WILL GET A HAMMER.” The chat was going wild, cheering. The chat’s phrase of today was “tender Mikey” and it didn’t help at all. “I DID. NOT. HIT THAT! I DID NOT!” A donation popped up, with a robotic voice. ‘Oh hai Mark!’ “NOT FUNNY! NOT F-CKING FUNNY. I’M SUFFERING HERE AND ALL OF YOU SUPPORT IT. YOU’RE ALL F-CKING MONSTERS HERE, I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT. AND I’M NOT F-CKING TENDERIZING THE MEAT WHEN I SLAP IT AROUND, I’LL RIP IT INTO PIECES AND CONSUME IT RAW!” Standing up, he genuinely went to get it- And fifteen minute later he had slightly calmed down, his hands and room slightly bloody. The chat was still celebrating and donating- another thing that never failed to make Mike BEG them to stop and use the money for something GOOD and SENSIBLE, LIKE THEM-FUCKING-SELF- but he had gotten out most of the energy. “Alright. Alright everyone. ENOUGH. I gotta stop you HERE. It’s email time.”   A celebratory jingle played, as Mike booted up the website, opening the inbox. Memes, storytime, I’m-not-fucking-reading-that-and-you-know-it, and- One of the emails caught his- and the chat’s- attention, however. Sender: Fazbear Entertainment Topic: Challenge Needless to say- once again the chat was out of control and this time there was NOTHING Mike could do to stop them. After opening the email, Mike slowly took a deep breath and looked into the camera, between concerned and honored- But that wouldn’t be enough to rip him from his carefully maintained persona. So he audible scoffed- albeit him being unable to hide an excited grin. “Alright bitches and bastards in the audience- we’re firing SuperMeatBoy up again. You won’t be catching ME losing to a pink son of a bitch anytime soon!” After the letter- provided it was accepted and responded to, the production happened. The deal was that a teaser was dropped on the big channel- The entire video itself was put on the smaller one, attracting the viewers over and hopefully make them more likely to want to see the other works the creator had put out. It was a win-win overall, the big channel being able to vary their content, testing the water for new things- and the smaller channel getting a boost and a lot of tips from very experienced creators. Henry and Dave were very generous people. Jeremy was sitting there, taking deep breaths, trying to stay calm. So far, everyone seemed to be rather kind, even if Jeremy was basically a complete nobody. Hell, he never wanted to be anybody. He just wanted to stream himself baking, for those who never had someone baking with them. Because baking could feel stressful, especially when you were missing ingredients or- many reasons, actually. Not only baking, but cooking too- Sometimes playing games on request, but not much in terms of requests ever came in. And now he was here in an actual studio, soon to be seen by an insane amount of people. A cooking competition. Sounded silly- you couldn’t really FIGHT in something like that… But… Henry and Dave had promised it would be fun. And they were nice. With and without the cameras rolling. Speaking off- There they were, approaching, their assistant coming along. He wore a weird phone-head, to ensure his privacy. Or something. It was kinda weird, but he had just accepted the answer he got. “Why, there you are, Jeremy! Would you like to see the equipment we have prepared?” Henry warmly asked, reaching down with his hand to help his guest stand up. “We have gotten a few extra things, just in case.” As they entered the studio, Jeremy’s invisible eyes went WIDE. “Woah- that looks really nice! I love it here! This is high quality stuff-!” “Fantastic!” Pleased Henry opened his arms in his typical theatrical manner- Before being abruptly interrupted by Dave jumping in, halfway over Henry’s shoulder. “ARE YA READY TO GO!? CAMERAS ARE READY!” “Ah- I- I guess- but-“ “YOU HEARD HIM, BOYS! GET IT ROLLIN’!” “W-wait, I don’t even have-“ “Everyone! Welcome to NOTHIN’ AT ALL!” Henry swiftly fitted in, continuing on with the intro. “Todays challenger is the man, the legend, the baker and occasional chef- Jeremy from Baking With Jeremy!” “Wait, what- that’s seriously your channel name, pal?” A bit offended Jeremy looked into the eyes of the people behind the camera. “U-uh- you guys here- I mean- he has literally called his channel Henry Miller! I- uhm- I-“ Snickering Henry put a hand on his guest’s shoulder. “You are very right about that. Say, are you nervous about losing?” “… n-no. I mean- maybe a little. This place here is big and very professional and I’m not used to many people looking at me…” Taking a deep breath, he gave off a nervous smile for the audience. “… yet, I know- it’s a good thing! And as long as everyone has fun, everything will work out!” “Awwwww, look at him!” Dave said, pleased. “You’re so right! We’ll be havin’ fun!” “But also, I will win.” Henry pointed out. “That is when I have the most fun.” Slightly playful Jeremy smiled. “K-keep that attitude, that will make it even easier to blindside you!” Simon whistled, clearly bemused as he held the camera in place- And Henry smirked. “Sure. Anyhow, the stakes are-“ “Steaks? We’re makin’ steaks? I thought we planned on-“ “Dave. I swear to god.” Henry looked at him from the side, before shaking his head. “What is on the line is easy to see- we have roughly an hour to cook the best meal. If Jeremy wins, we will donate 5000 to a charity of his choice!” “And if the young pal loses, he’ll be joinin’ our channel!” Dave chirped. This was news to the brown-haired boy. “W-wait, we never agreed to that-“ “GET TO YOUR STATIONS!” Someone in the back announced. “WHO’S TODAYS FAVORITE?” Simon checked the stream. “The chat says Jeremy is a clear winner. Nobody trusts Henry to keep his two braincells together for long enough to not forget the salt or something.” “Excuse?!” Not only Henry was APPALLED by the chat, Dave joined right in. “Ya guys have NO taste. I’ll be clearly winnin’… but hey, maybe ya peeps don’t know that I plan to cheat!” Surprised Jerry looked over to Dave’s cooking station. “How… how can you cheat at cooking-“ Before he could finish his sentence, he shrieked as Dave pulled out a flamethrower. “HELL YEAH BABY, I AIN’T WAITING 30 MINUTES FOR SOMETHING TO COOK IN THE OVEN, I’LL BE DONE IN FIFTEEN MINUTES MAX!” “W-WAIT THAT DOESN’T SEEM SAVE-“ Henry just raised his hands, cheerful. “Ready… set…” The Phone Guy made eye- well, rotary- contact with Jeremy, slightly raising a fire extinguisher that was by his side. … alright, it seemed the people here were well-prepared for this scenario. So instead he focused on the ingredients in front of him. Almost manic, Henry’s voice rang. “GO!” And… … that was it! Some joined, with amazing results- Mike rubbed his face. “Who thought that was a great idea. I fucking hate this.” Dave next to him on the couch just grinned. “It’s amazin’ what these websites all offer to sell. You won’t be BELIEVIN’ what’s in this box!” “I’M NOT OPENING IT.” “YOU WILL. OTHERWISE IT’LL HUNT YOUR DREAMS. I’LL PUT THIS BOX NEXT TO YOUR BED. YOUR TOILET. ONTO YOUR DINNER TABLE. INTO THE FRIDGE. I’LL ORDER MORE OF THESE BOXES.” “Jesus CHRIST, calm DOWN-“ “I WILL FIGHT YA TO THE DEATH OLD PAL-“ - and some people just went back to the usual pattern, with the occasional raid from Fazbear Entertainment. They asked first, of course. Each of them fulfilled their own niche, each of them had caught Henry’s and Dave’s attention in one way or another. Henry and Dave however- Well, Dave was the varied creator. Henry liked his niche. He played horror, investigated ARGs, read stories about real and fictional crimes against humanity. The world was a terrible place, wasn’t it? Yet he reveled in it. Aside from that he showed extra effects, he built machines and thought everyone one or another thing about creating special effects at home. From dry ice to genuinely ridiculous chain-reactions, Henry showed them it all. Blood too, multiple forms of it, depending on how and where it would be used. Sometimes breaking it off with more light-hearted one-off games and listening to what his community wanted to see… but the most comfortable he was with horror and analysis. He was a youtuber, a streamer, a content creator… … and one thing more. It wasn’t easy to find the code. But his intended audience were a very small amount of people. A small number of strangers. There was no way to know if anyone ever made it to more than one show, but Henry did not care. It wasn’t for them that he did this. Him and William moved down, down below the set, into the lowest regions of the house. The workshop. Nobody really question why you added what to your home if you were a creative person. Even less so if you were a famous, eccentric creator. Yes, the free reign was what he REALLY loved about his job. Maybe he should build his studio somewhere else- But like this it was so much more thrilling! Wordlessly both of them put on their suits. It would hide their identity perfectly- especially the animal heads that contorted their voices a bit. Enough. Today’s participant wore a mask too- another phone head, differently made, different style, but to hide their identity too. However, the voice was in no way muffled. Panicked the person dragged on the chains keeping them attached to the chair. “H-HELLO!? HELLO!? S-SOMEONE- IS SOMEONE HERE!?” A noisy one! Delightful! Both Fredbear and Springbonnie stepped out of the shadows, one form each side. While Springbonnie put his hands gently on the shoulders of the whimpering person, Fredbear stepped in front of the camera, bowing. “Ladies and gentlemen-“ The low voice sounded more like the one of an animal than from a person. Yet it was smooth and comforting. “- I welcome you to yet another installment of our show. I am Fredbear, and over there is my wonderful assistant, Springbonnie. Today we have brought a simple stranger, a nobody who might not even be missed. Thusly I encourage you to truly be creative with your ideas. And while your votes roll in, maybe I point out that next time we will have another little game-show, with quite the effects. We might even get a real bull! You will not want to miss it.” The board above the camera blinked up, as a bitter fight of votes started, everyone wanting to see something else. Three tiers to vote on! Foreplay (light injuries), main course (heavy injury leading to death) and of course what to do with the body. Below it was a little measure for “face reveal”. Some of their viewers really enjoyed seeing the expressions during and after. It came with a risk to Fredbear and Springbonnie, as the victim being recognizable meant their general area of activity was more obvious- thus it was incredibly expensive. They knew there was every now and again law enforcement mixed up between the genuine watchers. It was thrilling too- Yet Fredbear wanted to keep this game alive as long as he could. Thus it was important to hide what they could. Fredbear was a creator first and foremost, an entertainer second- And there was nothing that attracted an HONEST, an UNRESTRAINED, a PURE audience quite like violence. Once blood spilled, humans degraded and it was wonderful. Behind him, the victim began rattling even more erratic. “WHAT- WHAT IS THIS?! LET ME OUT- PLEASE- LET ME OUT- PLEASE- I- DIDN’T DO ANYTHING-“ Burying his hands into the shoulders of Springbonnie downright cackled, enjoying the mania that always accumulated in these situation. “Be still, new friend! The audience HATES too much whining, y’know? And at least you could die with your tongue still intact, wouldn’t that be nicer than having to swallow the thing? Once it almost killed someone, boy, that sure was a bother!” His voice was changed to a cartoonish, upbeat pitch- “While the votes come in, how about we quiz today’s friend… maybe if you are smart enough, they will want you to live! It happened before… o n c e.” Fredbear took out a long scalpel, the face a morbid grimace. “Surprise us!”

[coinofstone]

1x09 Excalibur

I'm oding on these eps/posts today because I'm avoiding real responsibilities, like an adult.

Is the horse ALSO undead? Did this creature really make a living horse crash through a window to make a big entrance? Cuz I'll hate him more for that.

I'm American, I know fuck all about Monarchy. I'm not totally clear on the Crown Prince distinction. Is it just a ceremony for Arthur's milestone birthday? Like a quince but for princes? I mean he's the only son of the king, what difference could it possiblity make?

Sir Owain calls himself Oh-wahn but everyone else calls him Oh-wane and it's irritating as balls.

The rules for the gauntlet challenge make very little sense to me. You throw it down and anyone who picks it up can fight you. But presumably, you're throwing it down because you want to fight somebody specific, so what is the deal with this loophole? Is it specifically to prevent the death of kings?

How many brothers does Ygraine have and why are they all annoying

The way Merlin books it when the black knight turns his head towards him 😂

Is it me or do all the villainesses in this series have hair that is not straight? It seems to range from wavy hair to messy curls to line, dreads, but all the women who play villains seem to have some kind of styling that includes some degree of curling.

"You could say... there is a bond between us" yea a PROFOUND bond amirite

"I gripped you tight and raised you from the lake" 😂😂😂ok I'll stop

Arthur walking up fully dressed and realizing he's overslept is a fuckin MOOD

Touching moment between Arthur and Uther. The parallel between them and the following scene where Gaius and Merlin are having dinner, a healthy father/son relationship contrasting the strained, toxic, (even tho they DO love each other) relationship between Arthur and Uther is just perfect.

The anguished dragon is pretty cool too.

Commentary is Angel, Richard, Colin, and Jeremy (who I'm starting to suspect just really likes the sound of his own voice)

Colin and Jeremy confirm it's a coming of age ceremony for Arthur's 21st. That makes a lot of sense.

For some reason everyone is mumbling and I can barely understand anything being said, but luckily Jeremy seems to just be repeating things he's already said in previous episode commentaries. They constantly mention when it's gone from France to Wales and frankly their production schedule is stressing ME out even tho it happened to other people ten years ago

Apparently they had to deal with like, school trips to the castle while filming, which is just endlessly funny to me

Apparently they use an actual book of spells in Old English for Merlin's incantations! It's nice tho near them having a laugh about people's criticism of the pronunciations.

Also love Colin laughing at Merlin's obliviousness, reminded me of this:

(x)

Apologies for the sloppy photo cred, I can't figure out how to do it on mobile since html doesn't work. I will edit to correct it when I'm at an actual computer.

Lollllllll Gaius hightailing it out of the chamber when Arthur came in after he'd been released from his chamber had everyone cackling, myself included.

I really like having Colin do the commentary cuz he goes into the details of the story, not just the sort of technical aspects of filming. He makes a good point about the sword: what exactly was he supposed to do in that situation? Merlin is alone in the set up tent with Uther, the fucking king, he didn't really have ant recourse to keep the sword out of his hands - what it ultimately comes down to, is who is the bigger threat? The king standing in front of you, who you know FOR A FACT considers your life to be of exactly ZERO value, who could have you executed on the spot, with Arthur not even there to defend you, OR the talking dragon chained up in the basement that you don't even have to face immediately? I hadn't even thought of that but it really was a lose-lose for Merlin.