#jay halstead x mouse

[the-artof-starting-over]

Breakfast on your sofa bed

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Pairing: Moustead

Words:3648

Warnings: panic attack

Title: Elvis song - Maisie Peters

Also available on AO3

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“You are staying with me for a while"

"I won't stay long I promise, just a couple of days"

"Mouse, you're not a bother, you can stay- "

"I will figure something out and I'll be out of your hair in no time"

"Greg - "

"Just a couple of days"

Laying on Jay's sofa bed staring out at the midnight sky he could feel restlessness seep into his bones and he began to look around. He noticed the scarcity of things in Jay's living room in the scattered light from the street lights through the partially closed blinds. The lack of personal belongings didn’t surprise him, even though he’d never actually seen inside Jay's apartment until tonight and he wasn’t present enough to look around at Jay's space when he had been ushered in a couple of hours ago. Always declining Jay’s attempts at having him come over felt safer ever since he moved out of the apartment they previously shared right when they got back from overseas. Mouse couldn’t let himself cross that unspoken boundary. That boundary kept him safe, and more importantly, it kept Jay safe, and now he had broken that rule. Not just bending the rule but completely destroying it, Mouse couldn’t make himself relax. He knew Jay was just down the hall, probably asleep by now and waking him was not an option, but neither was getting up and leaving his apartment no matter how strong that urge was right now. Jay would freak out if he were nowhere to be found when he woke up or if he heard his door close in the middle of the night and he had caused enough hassle in the detective's life, putting him in enough danger. So he stayed put, forcing himself to stay on the sofa and he sat up and pulled the blanket tighter around him as if that would prevent him from feeling like he was going to explode. If he could just wrap himself tight enough in the blanket he would prevent all the pieces that were broken from falling away completely.

Standing up, the slightly rough blanket still wrapped around him as if it was holding him together as he wandered silently into Jay’s kitchen just off from the living room where he had been residing on Jay's sofa bed. He was intensely aware of the fact that everything that surrounded him was Jay's. He was wrapped in Jay's blanket, trying to sleep on Jay's sofa, about to rummage through Jay's kitchen and even wearing Jay's clothes. it had been too late to deal with packing up his very few belongings according to Jay. Which led him to be surrounded by all things Jay and that was a lot, almost too much, it was destroying every single boundary that he'd put up over the past few years. Trying not to let himself sink into the comfort that could bring, Mouse forced himself to remember this is all temporary. It would be so easy to fall back into the shared routine that was once second nature to them both. He knew this. This is temporary. The easy silence as they both moved around in their own routines. Temporary. The words of comfort they once offered each other in the middle of the night when the dreams got too real. Not allowed. Not anymore. The quiet comfort that was found in sharing space with someone so familiar with how you operate. Not safe. Not anymore. He knew he couldn't allow them to fall back into that routine again. He was still on shaky ground with Jay after he had withdrawn out of that routine last time. He couldn't let himself get that close to Jay again, not while he wasn't sure he'd be able to stick around again, it wouldn't be fair to either of them. He couldn't let himself get too comfortable, he couldn't allow himself to get used to sharing a space with Jay again like they had done overseas and when they first got back. Jay was in a good place now and allowing himself to enter into that space would mess things up for Jay and allowing that to happen was not something he could ever be okay with.

Entering the kitchen he looked around the space, Jay had always been very particular about leaving anything that could be conceived as clutter lying around, and he understood, that they had it drilled into their brains that they were always to only have the bare minimum with them in the rangers, anything in excess could slow you down or cause you potentially fatal problems down the road. It wasn't an easy message to shake off. Even back here away from the war. Stepping forward, Mouse moved towards the cabinets and was about to start looking around for a glass so he could get himself some water. At least that would give him something to do with his hands. Staying still had never been a strong suit of his. Under the right circumstances, ones in the war provided plenty of, he could do it, and he could be as still as if he was a statue, but now that he was back home in the relative safety that it provided that stillness made him feel like he was straight back into that danger.

"Why exactly are you standing in the kitchen at 1 am?" The familiar voice startled him out of his thoughts. The voice was lower and riddled with sleep than he was used to hearing by now. Meetings with Jay were strictly daytime now unless Jay called him at 3 am having woken from a nightmare. But those times had fallen few and far between as the years went on. It was another rule Mouse had unconsciously implemented, day time was safer. The light of the sun pushed away all those parts of himself that he could only show in the dark.

"Was going to get some water" Mouse replied looking over his shoulder to see Jay casually leaning on the door frame.

"You know you actually have to move to get water, it's not just going to appear in your hand because you're standing in the kitchen '' Jay's reply came back eliciting an eye roll from Mouse who turned around and continued staring at the cabinets. Looking at Jay right now was not going to help him get his thoughts in check.

"I know" he replied, "where do you keep your glasses?" The words felt strange as he said them, the unfamiliarity of Jay's kitchen layout had thrown him into this spiral. He knew it was such a small thing, but it was just a stark reminder that he had let them drift this far apart. Mouse knew that was on him and he could feel the tightness around his chest at the thought.

"Cabinet above the sink, grab one for me too will you?" Jay replied his tone calm and collected and Mouse felt envy flood him. Jay had always been good at acting like things felt normal like everything felt okay. Pushing himself to move, Mouse walked to the sink and reached for the cabinet, the blanket falling down his arm but staying mostly in place around him as he noticed the shaking in his hands as he picked up the glasses. He places one down before filling the other just over half full so he wouldn't spill anything before handing it over to Jay, his shaking hands bumping into Jay's steady one.

Mouse turns back and fills up the second glass as he asks "how long were you standing there?"

"Bout five minutes" Jay replied and Mouse could feel Jay's eyes on him, weighing him down with all the questions he knew Jay was restraining himself from asking.

"Sorry If I woke you up, I was trying to be quiet" he apologized.

"You didn't" Jay replied quickly but his tone was still calm.

"Okay" Mouse paused, silence pouring over the kitchen for a moment before he spoke again "why are you up?" Questioning if Jay had been as troubled by his own thoughts as he had been.

"No reason, just woke up, why are you?" Mouse eyed Jay's sleep-ruffled form, relief spreading through him when he didn't spot the remnants of a nightmare lingering. A sight he had hated and that he had grown accustomed to in the past.

Determining that he'd been told the truth, Mouse could no longer keep Jay in his sights so he looked back down at the glass he was holding, before answering "just the same." The lie was spilling from his lips before he really processed that is what he was going to say. He could feel Jay's stare burning into him as he placed the glass back on the counter and pulled the blanket back tighter around him. The move probably did not convince Jay that he had been telling the truth but the comfort of the steady pressure the blanket gave as he pulled it tighter made him feel enough to make that seem less important.

Breaking the silence Jay almost whispered "Mouse?" It prompted him to look up at Jay not trusting his voice would come out without shaking. As he met Jay's eyes he was stunned further into silence as Jay said "I've missed you," before effortlessly pushing himself from the doorway and walking back into the dark hallway towards his room as soundlessly as he had arrived.

Mouse could feel his head spinning as the silence took over the room and he was alone once more. Jay's words were floating around in his head as he was left alone in the kitchen and he tried to hold on to them in an attempt to not let the warmth that had spread through him dissipate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke to the clattering of kitchen activity muddled through the walls only slightly and the smell of bacon wafting through Jay's apartment. After rubbing the sleep from his eyes, Mouse forces them open begrudgingly, wishing he could fall back into his sleep which was dreamless for once. However, he knew Jay, and that came with the knowledge that once Jay got started for the day he wasn't going to stop, and he didn't want to intrude anymore into Jay's routine than he had to. Things weren't how they used to be, he was a guest now. Jay was just being kind, trying to keep him out of trouble and Mouse didn't want to add any more burden to that. All he wanted to do was unload the burden, and if that meant waking up at whatever ungodly hour Jay decided was the start of the day then that is what he was going to do. He would be out of Jay's hair in a few days and he could unburden him entirely and also not have to wake up to the moon still casting a glow in the dark sky.

As Mouse pushes himself up so he is sitting Jay pushes the door open and enters the room looking down at the two plates in hand with a careful concentration that makes him smile tiredly. He had missed getting to see this side of Jay, but with the rules, he has so carefully constructed his time with Jay, only allowing Jay to see him when the light could send everything he was trying so desperately not to feel crawling off into the shadows out of sight.

But here Jay was, clearly not long awake with his hair still a little unkempt; a loose and crumpled black t-shirt and sweatpants presenting a much softer version of Jay than Mouse had let himself, bear witness to in a long time. He felt the twist in his gut as he forced his eyes away from Jay, his gaze falling back to his hands curling up into the blanket that had fallen looser throughout the night.

"Oh good, you're awake!" Jay's voice was far more upbeat than mouse thought anyone had the right to be at whatever god-awful time it was. "I made us breakfast."

"You didn't have to do that, I should -"

"Mouse it's okay, I wanted to" Jay's voice was calm, Mouse wished he could feel even half as calm as Jay sounded but instead he could feel his heart pounding in his chest.

"I will do the dishes, okay?"

"If you insist" Jay's tone was playful, a lopsided smile gracing his face.

Mouse tried to replicate that lightness as he replied "I do," but the heavy weight of his guilt was clear.

The smell of breakfast became stronger causing Mouse's stomach to flip as the smell overwhelmed him, as Jay reached the sofa bed. Mouse brought his legs into a crossed position so that Jay could have the space to sit down and so that mouse could place his plate in his lap.

"Thank you" his voice sounded as small as he felt as he took in Jay sitting next to him.

The silence settled over them as Jay tucked into his breakfast and Mouse pushed his found around the plate. He was forcing himself to breathe in through his mouse to keep his nausea at bay.

Jay glanced over noticing the still full plate and his eyebrows furrowed in worry. “I could make you something else” he offered.

“No no, this is good thank you,” taking a bite for emphasis. Albeit a small one. “Just still waking up” he excused.

Mouse kept his head down and focused on taking controlled bites of his food. It was then he properly realized that Jay had made his favourite breakfast, that he had remembered that these were the only foods he could handle first thing in the morning. The ones that wouldn’t overwhelm him with their texture. His heart swelled at the realisation, his movements coming to a halt.

Jay noticed the sudden stilling of Mouse’s movements and looked over concerned but it just takes a few seconds for his movements to return so Jay leaves him be.

Mouse makes it through about half of the plate before he knows he can not physically handle eating anything else so he leans and places his plate down on Jay’s coffee table before leaning back against the sofa bed. “I’ll clean up in just a minute, promise”

“It’s okay, there’s no rush,” Jay said, and Mouse could feel his eyes on him in that way that Jay had, the way that somehow let him see straight through him and know exactly where his mind was. It was always useful out in the field but sitting together in Jay’s apartment after years of Mouse trying to force distance between them was unsettling. He started to absentmindedly pick at his nails as he tried to pull his mask back over anything that Jay might be able to read. “You’re not a guest here Mouse, you will never be a guest in my life.” the words came out softly and if there had been anything else for Mouse to focus on he might not have heard them. But he did, and they caused his heart to stutter as he tugged on the inside of his lip, the pain allowing him to keep some semblance of focus as things started to drift.

Mouse couldn’t bring himself to stay anything, not with his heart in his throat, so once again Jay broke the silence. “I never really understood why you left, things were getting better, we were getting better, getting back on our feet and then you left with only a note that said not to worry” Jay’s voice was soft, but the words were cutting Mouse’s heart into ribbons as if they were as sharp as knives. Jay breathed out a heavy sigh before continuing “You were always on my mind, I was always hoping you were okay, basically all I'm trying to say is, I was always hoping you’d come back home, and I know you didn’t exactly choose this but I'm glad you’re here.”

With every word, Mouse felt the pressure build inside of him, and the crawling on his skin intensified. This conversation was too much for him to digest this early or maybe ever but definitely while he was still trying to wake up properly. “Jay” he choked out hoping he didn’t come across as broken as he felt, he felt truly in over his head as he lifted his eyes to meet Jays which were already boring into him causing Mouse to screw his eyes shut for a moment. It was all just too much. The intense stare, the rough blanket rubbing on his crawling skin, the words reverberating around in his brain. Mouse jumped out from the sofa, allowing the blanket to fall as he began to pace around jay’s living room, maybe if he could move at the same speed as his thoughts they would seem to slow down.

Everything around Mouse got fuzzy as he tried to focus on nothing but his breathing, he had lost Jay to the spinning room and the wind rushing in his ears. Reaching out, Mouse touched the wall in front of him, feeling the cool, smooth surface under his palm gave him a little sense of where he was. With the corners of his vision darkening, he allowed himself to use the wall as guidance to lower himself to the ground. His vision is a little steadier now and has a more solid position, his knees up to his chest, hands raking through his hair and pulling. The pain grounded him just enough to focus back on his breathing and to see the fuzzy figure in front of him.

The rushing of the wind was dying down enough that Mouse could make out that Jay must be speaking but none of the words were clear enough for him to process.

“Breathe,”

“... gonna be..."

“.. got this”

“...here.. Yeah, that’s it, deep breathes”

Jay’s voice was becoming clearer but Mouse kept his head down, unable to look at Jay's face, to see all the disappointment in his gaze would just send him spiraling once more.

“You’ve got this, you’re doing so good”

“I’m sorry” Mouse chokes out pulling a little on his hair.

“You have nothing to apologize for Mouse, I shouldn’t have said all that, not first thing in the morning, not when, i just, i’m sorry” Jay’s words sounded heavy and as he stumbled over the end Mouse lifted his head to glance at him. Jay was crouched down in front of him, looking like he wanted to reach out but he had to hold himself back knowing Mouse’s aversion for touch, not wanting to overstep. Not wanting to set of another panic attack right when Mouse was finally calming down.

Scrunching his eyes shut for a second, Mouse patted the ground next to him, gesturing for Jay to sit next to him. As jay did just that Mouse breathed out a sigh before leaning back into the wall, and letting his eyes focus on the plain wall opposite him, anything to not have to look at Jay, not while he says everything that he has to.

“I shouldn’t have left the way i did” his words came out quiet but with the silence surrounding them and the way there was only about an inch of space between them Jay was able to hear him clearly. “I just couldn’t, i couldn’t bring you down with me, not when you were getting better, and i was so happy for you and so proud of you and i just couldn’t”

“Mouse, we were getting better…” Jay sounded broken. He was fighting the urge to reach out and hold Mouse, being able to convince himself that he really was here and he was safe.

“You were doing better Jay, i was doing better at pretending,”

“I… i didn’t know, I should have, i’m so sorry”

“None of this is your fault, i promise, i Just knew you were going to be better off, i didn’t want to mess things up for you, and i mean look at you Jay, you’ve made it into your dream unit”

“I’m always better when you are by my side, Mouse.” tears burned in Mouse’s eyes as he listened to Jay and he could feel the lump in his throat not allowing him to say anything. Jay continued, “Listen, whether or not I mess up is on me, it’s not on you. Just as it’s on you to not mess up your own, but we can be there for each other regardless.”

A silence settled over the pair as Mouse kept his focus on his breathing and keeping the tears at bay, even if they were burning to fall. Jay looked over at his best friend and his heart tore at the sight of him, he wasn’t used to this sight, not for a long time, not since they first got back.

“Look, all im suggesting is you stay with me for a while, we can have breakfast on my sofa bed, you will be safe here, Mouse please, just stay, i’ve missed you.” Jay pleaded and Mouse forced a nod. There hadn’t been a time since he left that jay hadn’t been on his mind, and he really did miss his best friend. He may have given everything up before but he just couldn’t bring himself to leave again, it hurt enough the first time. He didn’t know if he could survive it again.

After some time Mouse finally manages to say “I want you to know i really appreciate you doing this for me” his voice was tight with the tears that were still threatening to spill but he had to let him know.

Jay reached over and squeezed his shoulder quickly and said “You were there for me right?”

[saragarnier]

Away from you

Pairing: jay halstead x reader

Summary: y/n doesn’t know where Jay truly is and she got worried

Warning: angst, slightly smut, cheating,

A/N: i will probably write a part 2, stay tuned!

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Next part

You and Jay had been together for three years and everything looked good, at least it was ‘till the end of the march. You didn’t know or understand why he changed his behavior when he was with you, especially since it all happened so quickly and unexpectedly that you just couldn’t understand what happened between you two. From one day, he just started to behave differently, coming home later and telling you that he was just too busy at work, doing some paperwork and getting his things ready for the next shift. He made it looked like he was just trying to impress Voight and for a moment you actually believed him.

You knew how much he wanted to become, one day, sergeant and to be on the lead of his own unit and you just wanted to support him in any ways you could; if he wanted to make a good impression in case of a new sergeant, you wouldn’t have stop him. Actually, it looked like Voight was having some issues lately, from how Jay talked about him after work anyway, and you really trusted him and believed him about his story.

Then, one evening, you decided to go talk with Kim, having some times together and trying to explain to her what you had in mind: Jay’s birthday was closer than you thought and you had to find a good gift for him.

“I need you to help me.” You said to Kim, smiling softly. “Jay’s birthday is in two weeks and i want to surprise him with a two-days holiday. I know that he spends a lot of time at the district doing his paperwork and trying to make a good impression in case of a promotion, but i really need your help. Can you please find a good reason to get him home earlier on Friday’s night?”

Kim was surprised by your statement, not because of the surprise you were preparing for him, but for what you said about him staying at the district till late.

“What do you mean that he spends a lot of time at the district to make a good impression? He always leaves before me, actually he arrives earlier to complete the paperwork he usually leaves at the end of the shift.”

You were confused, you were really confused. What did that mean? If he usually left the district early in the evening, why he came home every night after 11 pm, when you were already sleeping?

“Uhm… he usually doesn’t come home before 11 pm.” You whispered, looking at Kim while your mind raced through all the nights you waited for him to come back home, before falling asleep because of the tiredness of the day at work.

“Y/n, i swear to God that he usually leaves at 7 pm, 8 pm if we’re up to something ‘till late.” Kim said, looking sadly at you, while something you didn’t want to admit passed through her mind.

“But… it doesn’t make sense.” You replied, shaking your head slightly. “What does he do between 7 pm and 11 pm then?”

The girl just shook his head, looking ad you sadly and placing her hand on yours, trying to reassure you in some ways. “Maybe it’s not something you have to worry about, maybe it’s just some stuff he had to do or, maybe, it’s just a bad moment for him. I remember he was like this when he suffered from PTSD.”

You nodded, but it didn’t make sense anyway. You remembered when Jay suffered from PTSD because you were always by his side, you were always there for him and you followed him step after step, trying to help him find his way out of it. It couldn’t be PTSD that time, you would have noticed immediately.

He wasn’t distressed like he was when he suffered from it, he was actually really happy and he was usually calm when he came back home.

It could be PTSD, but what was it then?”

“Sorry Kim, i have to go.” You whispered, looking at your phone and finding out it was just 9:30 pm; you had still plenty of time before he could have been home and you wanted to find out what was happening with your boyfriend, actually with your future husband.

“Don’t worry darling, it’s okay.” Kim whispered, smiling at you. “We’ll see each other soon, okay? Maybe you can come at the district one day and we can talk a little? Also Adam and Kevin missed you, you know. With all the preparations of the wedding, we didn’t see you around in a while.”

“Yeah, when i’m not at work at the hospital, i’m around the city trying some white dresses.” You sighed, wearing your jacket and placing some money on the table, paying for your own drink.

“I can imagine that. Don’t worry, really. I hope to see you again soon.” She smiled softly at you.

“I hope that too. Bye Kim, goodnight.”

You left the bar just ten minutes after and you immediately called the one and only that could have tracked Jay’s phone without a word: Mouse.

When he came back from the army, for the second time, you knew that it would have been difficult for him to start a new life again, especially after the first time. Jay helped him and, after some weeks in which he tried to convince him every single day, Mouse accepted to come back at the intelligence as a tech. It wasn’t an easy decision for him and it was strange at first, but he knew he had no better option and working with his friend was something he missed a lot.

He picked up the phone after the second ring.

“Hi! Look who showed up!” He smiled and laughed. “I was actually asking myself when you would have called me to give me the official invite to your wedding, you know? I would have asked Jay, but he i’m pretty sure is not as much involved in the preparations as you are, so…”

“Mouse, i need your favor.” You told him straight away. “I can’t find Jay and I’m worried. Can you please track his phone and tell where he is? And, can you do that without anyone knowing it?”

It was a strange request, especially since it went from you, but Mouse got it immediately and he started to track Jay’s phone straight away. He was actually scared for his friend, he was scared that Jay got into real trouble, maybe with the ptsd or something liked that, but there was no time for questions. He tracked his phone and he gave her the address after only three minutes.

“Thank you, Mouse. Sorry if i interrupted your evening. I have to go now and, don’t worry, I’ll handle the invite in person, okay?” You said, getting inside the car while looking at the address Mouse gave to you. It could be true, why was he there?

“Don’t worry, no problem at all. I’ll leave you now, i guess you’re busy… just, tell me if anything happened to him, okay?” He replied, making sure that everything was okay, making sure that you would have called him in case of trouble.

“I will, thanks Mouse.”

When he hung up, you started the car and you drove to the location he sent you; why the hell was Jay at his old apartment? Didn’t he sell it?

When you arrived at the location, you parked the car and you got out as soon as you could, going up the stairs and reaching his door just few minutes after. Fortunately, you still knew where he used to hide the key and you went for it, opening the door as silently as you could. The first thing you noticed when you entered was the emptiness of the room: there was nothing there other than some furnishings and still you didn’t understand why Jay was there.

Then, you noticed it.

Then, you noticed them: heels and they weren’t yours.

Your mouth became dry and you stopped breathing properly, trying to find an explanation for what you were seeing. You took some steps forward and your eyes fell on the jeans and t-shirts that were on the floor, all the way up to what it was Jay’s bedroom before he moved out. You took the hallway, starting to hear voices, moans you didn’t want to hear, moans you just wanted to be from your neighbors, even if you knew that they were elderly and it couldn’t have been them. Just at the front of the door, you saw them: panties and Jay’s boxer.

Your brain stopped working, you stopped breathing and your heart almost stopped beating; you just couldn’t understand what was happing, you couldn’t believed it.

You zoned out, like you couldn’t have been there, like you were just in a dream, a bad dream, a really bad one, then you came back to reality when you actually saw and hear them.

“Oh, Jay.” She moaned, begging him. “Please, faster.”

Hailey.

Jay’s partner.

“God, Hails…” Your boyfriend moaned, lowering himself on her to kiss her breast while fucking her. “I… shit… you feel so good around me.”

“Oh, J-Jay!” She moaned louder, unaware of your presence on the frame of the door, where you were watching them, without breathing.

Jay took Hailey’s legs and he put it on his own shoulder, increasing the pace.

“Yes, cum around me, baby. Cum for me, i love you.”

Surprisingly. It wasn’t watching him fucking her that destroyed you: it was his last three words, the same three words he said to you every morning before going to work, the same three words he said to you on the phone when he was to busy at work to come home, even if he was actually heading to his old apartment, when he was able to fuck his partner whenever he wanted to.

You stepped back silently, to broken to face the truth, to heart broken to face him.

You stepped back and you left without saying a word, without make noise; you went back inside your car and only then, when Hailey’s and Jay’s moans were far away from you, you started breathing again.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks from minutes probably, but you couldn’t notice it before and you were to shocked to dry off your tears: you just wanted to add as many distance as you could between you and the man you thought was the love of your life.

You didn’t even went back to your apartment, you couldn’t have handle being again in the house that would have been yours,the house in which you hoped you would have started a family with Jay. You didn’t go back to your apartment to collect all your belongings, you just left.

You left a message to your boss’ office regarding your resignation and you drove away.

Away from Jay.

Away from your apartment.

Away from the life you dreamed of with him.

Away from the love.

Away from the pain.

Away from Chicago.

[unknowntoyou2205]

Fear turns into confession (2/4)

Info: Y/n joins intelligence on a case, leaving Jay distracted from his job.

Requested by @maybankangel

Series masterlist

Two weeks had passed since y/n had returned from the army. Jay and her had become close, spending many evenings hanging out, with Mouse joining them sometimes. Erin still felt bitter about y/n and her bitterness had only grown with how much time her boyfriend was spending with the returned soldier. It didn't help that everyone in intelligence had grown to like her, leading to her often hanging out in the district. It wasn't unusual for y/n to turn up with lunch for the team, but Erin refused to like the girl. And y/n didn't seem that bothered by Erin's noticeable attitude towards her, instead opting to be the bigger person, opting to treat the woman her friend loved as a friend. The two didn't seem to be making any progress of becoming friends, but y/n accepted that, choosing to get along with Erin for the sake of Jay, and she hoped Erin felt the same way.

----------------------------------

Jay leaned against his desk as he talked to Erin, awaiting for the new case Voight was about to announce to them. There was word about kidnappings of women, where they were never found after they were taken. Six women were currently taken, and Voight was about to announce the plan of action. The team was blind as opposed to what it was, but they knew whatever it was they had to act fast, before things got out of hand.

The room went silent as Voight walked out of his office towards the middle of the room with pictures in his hands. Attaching them onto the board in front of him, he turned to face his team, and began to explain what was happening.

"Alright, here are the six women who have been taken in the past two weeks, each of them were seen in the local night club and that was their last sighting, meaning that the kidnapper is likely to be targeting that area. The victims were last seen getting into a taxi but they aren't traceable. Each plate comes up as legit taxi drivers, and when asked they say they weren't working the night the women were taken nd that they didn't even know there car was taken as it's in the same place as they had left it." Voight explained. "This guy is smart. He either managed to get the keys of these cars, take them and than return them when he's finished so as not to be caught quicker, or the cars are left unlocked and he wires it to turn on before leaving it as it was." Erin commented. "Well it worked, no one would know what happened apart from families becoming worried for their daughters." Kevin stated. "As you can see each girl here is in their 20's, has short h/c hair and e/c eyes meaning he has a type. So we need to catch him out before the next kidnapping." Voight stating, looking around as he finished explaining. "He seems to pick busy hours, when there are crowds around, hoping not to attract attention on him. College is out which means events are rolling in." Burgess stated. "When's the next event?" Jay asked. "Tonight there is karaoke night. He's bound to be there." Mouse spoke up, looking up from his computer. "Than we go there tonight. Hope to catch this son of a bastard." Voight spoke before The buzzer buzzed and the gate was heard opening.

Everyone's attention turned to the stairs as footsteps were heard, and each smiled slightly when they seen the woman walking up them. Y/n smiled softly as she held up a takeaway bag, having decided to bring Chinese for intelligence when Voight had asked her to come. She knew briefly of the case and knew that it would likely be a late one, so decided to bring some dinner for them when Voight had contacted her.

"Hey Y/n, what you doing here?" Adam asked, stretching over his desk so he could see her better. "Voight called, decided to bring dinner for everyone, sounds like a late night." Y/n replied, allowing Kevin to take the bags from her before moving to sit on Jay's chair, the owner of said chair craning around to smile at her in greeting.

Erin watched the two, unimpressed. She narrowed her eyes as Jay moved away from her side and behind his desk to hug y/n, y/n happily standing up to accept the hug. Wanting to drag her boyfriends attention away from the soldier, she started questioning Hank on their plans.

"So how are we going to catch him in the act? Neither me or Kim fit the description of the girls he's targeting." Erin asked, causing y/n to glance at Voight. "But y/n does." Voight pointed at said girl, causing everyone's attention to turn to her. "You can't be serious." Jay spoke out quickly, angered by the thought of his friend becoming a target. "Y/n fits what our guy is going for, she looks like a college student..." "Not sure how I feel about that comment." y/n spoke softly causing Kevin and Mouse to hid a grin. "She's a perfect match." Voight finished, gesturing to y/n. "I don't agree with this." Jay commented. "Jay stop, I've done more dangerous things than this." Y/n spoke firmly, "Besides I've already agreed." "You what?" Jay eyed her in frustration. "Jay, stop, she'll be fine. She's done more dangerous things than this." Erin stated, frowning at Jay for the way he was acting.

Jay only watched as y/n moved to Voight, allowing him to explain more in depth of what she was to do. He watched as she nodded along with his boss before they walked to Mouse where Hank told him to get y/n wired up.

"Jay, what you so worried about, she's fought worse." Adam spoke as he and Kim walked up to Jay and Erin. "She's on leave with an injury, and she's my friend, of course I'm worried." Jay explained as if it was the most obvious thing. "We'll be outside ready to interfere as needed. Once he goes for you let him take you, we'll be ready and waiting outside." Hank finished saying to y/n as Mouse helped wire her up. "How do we know if this is going to work?" Jay asked aloud. "We don't, but we have to try." Y/n stated, her brain going into autopilot.

---------------------------

Like previous missions and tasks, y/n was nervous, but she knew that the reason or doing this was to help save other girls and to prevent it from happening again. Her mind was on neutral, and she eyes a gentleman across the bar from her as she swirled her drink. He had been watching her all night, and y/n was sure that this man was the one Intelligence was looking for. Catching his eye, y/n smiled slyly before turning to talk to the barman in front of her.

“Could I get another please?” She asked, before downing the last of her drink. “I’ll get this.” The guy from across the bar suddenly appeared beside her. “That’s very kind of you.” Y/n smiled, batting her eyelashes a little. “It’s the least I can do for a pretty girl like yourself.” The guy spoke, causing y/n to look down as she blushed.

Outside in a van, Jay could only scowl as he heard the conversation between y/n and the guy. Erin sat beside him, and rolled her eyes at the look on her boyfriends face. He had done nothing but watch y/n before she went in, fussing over her and asking her repeatedly to change her mind. Halstead was worried about the girl, and that didn’t sit right with Erin.

“What do you say we head out of here, maybe someplace quiet.” The guy was heard over the ear piece, and the team sat up straight. “Y/n, go with him, but act surprised.” Voight coached the girl over the speaker, and Jay glared at his boss. “We just met, and you want me to leave with you.” Y/n feigned shock, turning her vision away from the guy in front of her. “Come on, you can trust me.” The guy laughed lightly, trying to encourage her. “I just don’t know if I should.” Y/n said unsure, trying to egg the guy on as he laughed before moving closer to her. “I have a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.” The guy threatened, leaning towards y/n so only she could hear. Y/n gasped, showing fear. “Come with me willingly and I won’t hurt you. Struggle, and it will end badly for you.” The guy spoke. “Ok.” Y/n gulped, voice shaking.

“We got him.” Voight stated, smirking at the guys confession. “Than let’s go.” Jay spoke, not liking the idea of someone’s hands being on his friends. “Jay, wait.” Erin spoke. “We take this easy or it could all go wrong.” She stated. “Kevin & Burgess, take the left, Erin & Adam go right, Halstead, your with me.” Voight commanded to his team as they got ready to move out.

Y/n got off her stool and allowed the guy in front to take her arm as they exited the night club. Shivering under the cold air hitting her skin, y/n looked to the left as cars were heard skidding in the distance. The guys grip hardened more as he seen Intelligence step out of their cars.

“Shit cops.” He cursed. “Chicago PD, let her go.” Voight shouted. “Keep moving, don’t stop.” The guy commanded, pushing the barrel of his gun into y/n’s back.

Y/n tripped over her feet as the guy forced her to move. Her back arched as she felt the barrel. Knowing this could turn nasty, she choose to follow the guys commands. This was part of the plan but that didn’t mean the guy could turn.

Jay took off after y/n, not listening as Hank shouted at him to get in. He choose to keep running, and turned the corner he say y/n go, his mind only on y/n. He heard the cars rushing behind him, but his mouth tightened as she seen y/n being forced into a car.

“Chicago PD, stop a*****e.” Jay shouted, causing y/n to look back at him. “Help, help.” Y/n shouted, playing the act till she was pushed into the car, her head hitting the door, knocking her unconscious.

The guy fired at Jay, causing him to duck down, taking out his own gun to fire back. Another shot was heard from the passengers side of the car, diverting Jays attention as the guy got into the car. Hearing the car engine, Jay cursed and started shooting at the car, before dropping down as a bullet nicked his arm. He turned to look over his shoulder as he heard cars stopping behind him

“Jay, are you okay.” Erin shouted out, running to her boyfriend as the car in front of them drove off. “I’m fine.” Jay brushed Erin away from him, standing up to watch as the car turned a corner. “This was part of the plan.” Burgess nodded her head, trying to convince herself and Jay that all would be okay. “Yeah, yeah, sure.” Jay sighed, allowing Erin to look at his wound. “Let’s head back to intelligence, see what mouse has heard.” Voight spoke up. “Come on, let’s get you to med.” Erin stated, holding Jays arm as he got off the ground.

Jay just nodded, his mind on y/n.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Greg “Mouse” Gerwitz (ft platonic!Jay Halstead): Not The Pizza Guy 

You swung the door open money in hand and paused at the man in front of you. “You're not the pizza guy.” He was leaning on the doorframe, his jacket damp from the night rain. His face, which had been furrowed in worry, was now caught between shock and disbelief. Your eyes fall to the badge clipped on his hip. You had thought that knock was a little loud and on the cop side. A smile comes to your lips, “You must be Jay,” 

“Yeah, I must be.” He agreed. You nodded at him and gestured into the apartment.  

“Did you want to come in? Greg is just in the shower.” It is strange for Jay to hear Mouse’s legal name. It’s even stranger to see you standing in front of him, all smiles, dressed in one of Mouse’s Star Wars sweatshirts and little else. You don’t wait for him to answer as you head back in. Jay hesitated before following you in and closing the door behind him. The living room was empty. Jay barely sees your ponytail rounding the corner as you call out Mouse’s name.  

Jay feels out of sorts. He had come over because he had been worried about his friend. It seemed like Mouse was falling back into old bad habits. He was blowing off team outings, constantly distracted by his phone, and had seemingly been in his own world. Jay's first and only thought had been that his friend was struggling with PTSD. He had feared that Mouse may have been slipping back into his former drug use. He had come intent on doing an intervention if need be. He had been planning what he would say, the options he had found, and even prepared to move Mouse in with him if he needed the extra support.  

Now he wasn’t sure how to respond. 

Mouse rounds the corner in sweats, toweling off his hair. He had clearly been alerted to Jay’s arrival. He had the grace to look guilty. “Hey buddy,” You walked back in now sporting a pair of black leggings under Mouse’s hoodie. There is a moment of quiet before another knock sounds at the door again. 

“Now that’s got to be the pizza.” You turn on your heel walking between the boys to head for the door.  

“Baby, for the sake of my peace of mind, please check who it is before you open the door this time. This is Chicago, not your small town.” You look back at your boyfriend smiling contritely. 

“Yeah, right, sorry.” They watched you head to the door. There is a brief pause and then, “You're not a murderer, right? You’re just the pizza guy?” Mouse rubs his hands over his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose.  

“Her lack of self-preservation is going to take years off my life.”  

Before Jay can ask Mouse anything, you come back into the room with the pizza and a stack of paper plates. You give one to Mouse and then offer another to Jay. Soon you are all sitting in the living room eating pizza and the ball game is on the TV. Jay can’t focus on it and instead spends his time analyzing you and his old war buddy. Jay watches as Mouse throws his arm across the back of the couch and you lean into his side. You place a napkin on his leg, and he smiles down at you. There is a lightness in his friend, a warmth, a happiness that Jay hasn’t seen in a long time. He feels ridiculous for being so off base with how his friend was doing. 

And so fucking grateful he was wrong. 

Jay lingered after everyone had finished the food. You offer to make a pot of coffee and the boys accept. Mouse watches as you disappear into the kitchen. “She seems like a nice girl.” Mouse’s lips form an unconscious smile. 

“She is.” 

“Why didn’t you just tell me man? I was worried about you.” Mouse rubs the back of his neck scratching gently. He lifts his eyes from where they had been trained on the floor. 

“I know, I’m sorry. It was selfish but I just wanted to keep her to myself for a while. She’s so innocent. Untouched by the dark side of humanity.” Jay can see the struggle in Mouse’s eyes. The self-doubt and question of if he was worthy of something good.

Someone good.

Jay had seen it many times looking back at him in the mirror. “Her parents are still together, from a small town- never even locked her front door before she moved to Chicago- can you believe that? And she just-” Mouse threw his hands up as if he was trying to get a grasp on his own good fortune, “She walked into a cafe and right into my life. Just like that. Just like that man. I can’t even believe it. She's not anything like what I would have picked for myself.” Mouse chuckles, “She is so technologically challenged, it’s insane. I thought you guys at the precinct were bad, but it is nothing compared to her. And I can’t help but find it strangely adorable.” 

Jay put a hand on Mouse’s shoulder, squeezing it. “I’m happy for you buddy, really, I am. You deserve it. But you can’t hide her away forever. And everybody is going to want to meet her.” 

“I know.”

You come in holding a cup of coffee in each hand and creamer, and sugar tucked under your arm. You offer the cups to both men. “I didn’t know how you took your coffee.” You say in explanation and Jay looks amused as he takes the sugar from your arm and pours some into his cup. 

“Thanks, sweetheart,” Mouse takes a drink of his already doctored-up coffee. He meets eyes with Jay before taking a deep breath. “Hey, the intelligence team is getting together at Molly’s tomorrow night...Do you want to go? Meet everyone.” You smile brightly pressing a kiss to Mouse's cheek. 

“I’d love to meet your family.”              

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Five)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Friday

*** 

Jay

Jay scrubbed a hand down his face as Dr. Fredericks patiently waited for him to, you know, actually talk.

“You know what happened,” he began, figuring she’d at least heard through the grapevine if not directly from a few of her other first-responder patients. “With my sister and my brother.”

“I do.” Dr. Fredericks nodded. “But that doesn’t mean I know how you experienced it. I’d rather hear it in your own words.”

Rubbing a hand over his mouth, he slumped back in his chair, trying to gather his words. Dr. Fredericks waited. Infuriatingly patient, as always.

He couldn’t—he didn’t want to revisit that day. Any of it. But he knew the drill by now—knew he had to if there was any hope of getting a handle on it. The only way out was through and all that shit. Jay took a breath and tried to centre himself.

Slowly, haltingly, he told her everything. Every horrifying minute. Listening to the attack. Thinking that Bex—that she was dead before he could even get to her. Emery. And then Will. How he can’t stop hearing or seeing any of it whether he’s awake or asleep. How he’s trying to keep it together for Bex—trying to keep Bex together while she’s slowly falling apart before his eyes. Pretending she’s fucking fine.

Like any of them are.

They talked through his feelings of ‘misplaced’ guilt—Jay didn’t know if it would be possible to ever fully rid himself of that—and his extremely justified anger at Ty.

“I just—I want him gone,” Jay snapped out. “I don’t want him to ever be able to touch my family ever again. I’m doing everything I can think of to make that happen, but none of it feels like enough.”

Dr. Fredericks tilted her head at him. “What have you been doing?”

“I can’t work the case, obviously,” Jay said, still aggravated about that. “But I remembered my dash cam was on and it caught the phone call with Bex so I’ve handed that over. You can hear Ty pretty friggin’ clearly on that so it should help the prosecutors.” Detective Medeiros kept reminding him how huge a help that actually was.

“Mouse and I have been staying with her so I know there’s always someone there,” he continued. “But—”

“…but?” she prompted.

“We both have to start back at work on Monday,” Jay sighed. “They’re letting us switch our shifts around so at least one of us will be there—most of the time anyway, but I—I don’t know how I’m going to do it.”

“Return to work?”

“Leave Bex,” he said, shaking his head. “I tried to go for groceries on Wednesday and I-I had a panic attack in the parking lot of her building about leaving her alone. And Mouse was still there! I mean—I did it. I went. We needed food, but it…it was hard.”

“That’s understandable after a trauma like you’ve had,” Dr. Fredericks said. “Have you talked to Bex about your fears?”

“I don’t…no, no, I haven’t.” Jay sat up and grabbed the glass of water she’d set out for him. Gave his hands something to do. “Our oldest brother, Chris—he already had a talk with her along those lines this week.” Thankfully Chris had filled him in later because Bex hadn’t said a word. “I don’t—I don’t want to pile my shit on top of all that. I know she knows I’m worried about her. I keep checking on her while she’s ‘sleeping’—”

“Why the air quotes,” Dr. Fredericks cut in.

“Because I’m pretty sure she’s faking it,” he said, heart sinking all over again at the thought. “She went from waking us up with screaming nightmares to total silence in the span of a day. That doesn’t happen. But she’s resting, at least, and that was a huge fight to win.” His lips twisted in a wry smile. “One battle at a time, right?”

“That’s—”

“I know.” Jay held up a hand. “Something I need to talk about with her eventually, but I’ve been in her place, Doc. Hurt and in pain and knowing that there’s nothing you can do to speed up the process. It’s—it’s shitty and sleeping with broken ribs is actually pretty hard. I want to give her a bit of space…on that front, anyway.”

“Okay.” Dr. Fredericks levelled a look at him across the coffee table. “If talking to Bex is off the table, for now, what else do you think can be done to help you feel more comfortable with returning to work.”

Aside from removing Ty Anderson from the face of the planet? Jay blew out a breath as he wracked his brain, running through all of their plans and back up plans and—

“I think…I think we might be doing everything we can? To keep Bex safe, I mean.” He bobbed a little nod. “Aside from rolling her up in bubble wrap or something.”

“Which wouldn’t be good for her ribs,” Dr. Fredericks pointed out with a small smile. Jay popped a finger gun at her. “Fair point.” He let out a little laugh before sighing and running a hand over his face. “Can you just…tell me it’ll get easier at some point?”

“How long have we been seeing each other, Jay?”

“Couple of years,” he said, not bothering with the actual math. “Off and on.”

“So,” Dr. Fredericks said, not giving him an inch. “What do you think the answer to that is?”

Not easier.

Not ever really with the way their lives went, but eased. With time and a hell of a lot of work.

They all had a long road ahead of them.

*** Bex

Bex watched the numbers on her phone turn over and silenced the alarm as soon as it went off. Kol snuffled as he wiggled closer beside her and licked at her chin. She gave him a little scratch behind his ear.

“Good boy, Kol,” she said. “You did a good job.”

He’d snuck into her room on Tuesday night as Mouse was leaving and snuggled in beside her. Bex wasn’t about to turn him away and around one a.m., she was extra happy for that decision when he nudged her awake right as a nightmare was headed toward screaming out loud territory.

She did not need another night of waking up Mouse and Jay and having them burst into her room thinking she was fighting off an attack. Again.

Kol got plenty of treats for his help and now three nights in, they’d managed to keep up their little system. He woke her up before the nightmares got too bad. Mouse and Jay got more sleep—mostly. Jay kept checking on her, but she was pretty sure he was sleeping in between checks. She was only managing to get a couple of hours a night, but it wasn’t like she was exerting herself much throughout the day anyway.

The nightmares would fade at some point. They had to.

In the meantime, Operation Stop Worrying Your Whole Family was under way.

“Okay,” Bex said, pushing Kol away gently. “Time to get up and face the day.” She was workshopping times for how early she could come out of her room and not have Mouse look at her with that tiny little frown line between his eyebrows, asking her if she got enough sleep.

Seven a.m. and eight a.m. were not it. Maybe eight-thirty would be the magic number.

Bex grit her teeth as she leveraged herself out of bed, ribs screaming at her. Most of her body was still one giant bruise and moving, standing, or sitting—everything friggin’ hurt.

Slowly, but surely, she made her way toward her door. Taking a deep breath—ow, OW, ow—Bex pasted a smile onto her face and headed out into the hallway…

Into a quiet apartment.

Hunh.

Will’s bedroom door was open with no Jay inside—right. He was going to therapy this morning. Bex hoped the empty room meant he was following through with that and actually made his appointment. She’d overheard enough whispered conversations between him and Mouse to know they were both still beating themselves over what happened. Like any of the blame fell on them.

She crept out into the living room, shuffling along while Kol pranced beside her. With a bark, he shot ahead, nosing at the balcony door and she finally spotted Mouse sitting out there cross-legged.

“Oh, hey!” He turned around at the noise, scrambling to his feet as soon as he saw her. Sliding open the screen door, he stepped inside, scanning her face with worried eyes. That stupid frown line starting to form. “Did you get—”

“Hey! Good morning to you too,” she said, dragging that smile back out. “What were you doing out there?”

“Ah. I, uh—” Mouse rubbed at the back of his neck. Blushing. Bex’s smile suddenly felt a lot less forced.

“Mouse…” she teased, stepping closer. “Spill.”

“I was trying out a meditation thing that Lucy keeps recommending to me,” he blurted out. “Like a quiet-the-mind-relaxation-thing—”

Because he was stressed. About her. About all of this.

“Did it help?” She mentally crossed her fingers, already planning to send Lucy cookies if it had. Even a little bit.

“Oh, I didn’t—I actually got distracted watching some birds chase a squirrel in the parking lot,” Mouse confessed with a little snort. “I think they were playing? I hope they were, otherwise those were some mean birds.”

Bex laughed, doing her best to stifle the groan that followed as she pressed a hand against her side. Mouse’s face fell instantly.

“Shit, I’m sorry.” He crowded into her space, hand hovering over hers, carefully not touching. “I shouldn’t make jokes. Are you okay—”

“I’m fine, I—I don’t want you to stop making jokes,” she said. “Ever, okay?” She stared at him until he met her eyes again. “Promise?”

Mouse held her gaze before sighing and dropping his forehead to press against hers. “Promise.”

“Good.” Bex moved forward to wrap her arms around him and snuggle into his chest. “Let’s try this again. Good morning.”

“Morning, Bex.” Gentle, gentle arms wrapped around her, holding her close. “How about I make you some breakfast?” Mouse asked hopefully.

Her stomach rolled at the thought and Bex hid her grimace into shirt. “Sure,” she said. “That sounds great.”

***

Connor

Will sighed as his care team left the room and Connor sat quietly beside him, holding his hand while they both absorbed the big news.

“Guess I can cancel the rescue squad,” Will said, cracking a grin despite the dark circles under his eyes.

Connor snorted. “Like Severide would bust you out of here and risk Bex coming down on him.”

“Hey—ugh.” Will’s face fell. “I almost made a joke about how now was the best time since she’s out of commission, but—”

“Too soon.” Connor shook his head and Will nodded solemnly.

“Way too soon,” he agreed. “Think she’ll be coming by today or should we call her with the good news? Oh, we gotta talk to Jay and Mouse about moving stuff around so I can have space to maneuver. Our apartment isn’t exactly wheelchair friendly.”

Dr. Allan was letting him take very short walks, but he had to be careful due to the severity and placement of his wound. He couldn’t stress his abdomen while it was still healing which meant lots of bed rest and using a wheelchair more often than not to get around. At least for the next few weeks.

And Will was right about his apartment. Seemed like it was time for the discussion Connor had been prepping for in his brain over the past few days.

“So,” he cleared his throat. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Mm?” Will glanced at him before continuing to type out a list on his phone, head shooting back up when he registered the serious look on Connor’s face. “What’s up?”

“I think that it would be best if you came home with me instead of your apartment,” Connor said, squeezing Will’s hand gently when he instantly started to argue. “Just—wait, please. Hear me out.”

Huffing out a breath, Will sank back against his pillows, the fight draining out of him as quickly as it had flared up. “Tell me.”

“My place is bigger,” Connor began. “You’ll have more room so you won’t have to worry about bumping into anything.”

“At least if I bump into anything at my place, I’ll know it didn’t cost five grand a cushion,” Will snarked and Connor raised an eyebrow at him.

“What happened to hearing me out?”

Will mimed zipping his lips, making Connor laugh softly as he rolled his eyes.

“Better.” He leaned in and took Will’s hand again. “There’s a ramp to the building and the elevator is solid.” Will and Bex’s place had two steps to get in and Connor had a disconcerting lack of confidence in the elevator. “I’ve got a walk-in shower,’ he continued, trying to hit all of the highlights right off the bat. “It’ll be easy to make it accessible and you can’t deny that my mattress is way better than yours.”

Using his free hand to unzip his lips, Will said, “…I do love your mattress.”

Connor knew that would be a point in his favour.

“I know the biggest issue is that you want to be back with Bex,” he said and Will nodded. “But this would just be temporary and like you said, she’s trying to recover too. Jay and Mouse are there. They’ve got her covered. And I’m pretty sure they won’t be leaving anytime soon so five people trying to operate in your apartment is a recipe for disaster.”

“Five?” Will’s face scrunched up in confusion. Connor fought off the urge to sigh.

“Yes, babe, five,” he said. “You think I’m not going to be with you for every step of your recovery, no matter where you’re staying? I already talked to Goodwin about taking a leave.”

“Con…”

“Out of everything, that is the one thing that’s non-negotiable. I mean it.” Connor blinked back tears as his breath caught. “You don’t—you don’t know what it was like, Will. You got shot. Right in front of me—I was—you almost bled out in my arms. I thought you were going to die, that I was going to lose you and I couldn’t—” He swiped a hand over his cheeks, shaking his head. “It was the worst day of my life and I just…I don’t want to let you out of my sight for a little while, okay? Is that—will you let me do that? Please?”

Will opened his arms as Connor’s voice broke on those last words, letting Connor sink into them—carefully—and they held each other until Will whispered, “Okay.”

Connor sat back up, searching his face for any hint of doubt or reluctance, but he was smiling softly at Connor through teary eyes. “Are you sure?”

“You’re right about all of it,” Will said, chewing on his lip as he considered his next words. “Your space is a better set-up, but more importantly, I think it would be best for us to be together in that space. Mouse and Jay have Bex covered and we can still visit and like you said, it’s temporary. I’m not letting Jay steal Bex as a roomie now. He had his chance.”

Relief flooded through Connor as a week’s worth of tension just…disappeared. “That’s—thank you, babe.” He leaned in for a kiss. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Will said, quirking an eyebrow at him. “I’m calling dibs ‘not it’ on telling Bex about this.”

Connor sat back in his chair with a thump.

Well.

Shit.

***

Jay

Jay walked out of the doctor’s office and blinked at the sight of Voight and Olinsky standing next to his truck. His heart dropped.

What now?

“What’s going on?” he called out as he jogged over. “What happened? Is—”

“Bex, Will, and Emery are all fine,” Voight said, cutting off his immediate worries. “There’s nothing wrong with your family or the team, but we do need to talk.”

“Not here,” Olinsky added.

They both looked grim and Jay had about a thousand questions, but all he asked was, “Where?”

Voight jerked a nod at his truck. “Follow us.” He stalked off toward his vehicle without another word, assuming Jay would follow as ordered. He’d promised Bex and Mouse he’d be back right after his appointment, but something was clearly going down and Jay didn’t want to be out of the loop. Whatever it was, it was serious enough for them to track him down at his therapist’s office.

He shuddered to think of how many privacy laws they’d violated to do that.

Jay got in his truck and followed them out of the lot, bracing himself for whatever shit was coming their way now.

***

Hank

Al was silent beside him as they drove toward one of the abandoned industrial yards that Hank preferred for meetings like this.

Silent and yet incredibly loud in his judgment.

“Spit it out,” Hank growled.

“Is this really the right way to play it?” Al sighed.

“I’m not going to risk someone else breaking the news,” he shot back. “We need to catch him off-guard. See his face.”

“You don’t actually think he had anything to do with it.” Al turned and Hank could see him staring at him out of the corner of his eye.

“I hope not,” Hank said slowly. “But I also know we’re all capable of almost anything when someone threatens our family. And I think I have to see his face to know for sure.”

They rolled along the cracked pavement of the empty warehouse yard with Halstead pulling in close behind. He slammed the door of his truck as he got out, striding over to stand with vibrating impatience as he waited for them to join him.

“What the hell is this about?”

Hank waited until he was right in front of him. Eye to eye. “Ty Anderson is dead.”

Halstead blinked, unmistakable shock crossing his face. Unfiltered.

Good.

“What the—when? How?”

“Stabbed,” Al piped up. “Tuesday night. They did an internal investigation that came up as ‘fucked around and found out.’ Which tracks.” He shrugged. “Detective Medeiros only found out about it last night and came knocking on our door this morning.”

“She said he was found in section of the prison where the cameras were on the fritz,” Hank said, still watching Halstead carefully. “Nobody saw anything. Nobody heard anything. He bled out before he was found.” He waited a beat. “She wanted to know if we’d heard anything.”

Halstead narrowed his gaze. “Asked me what you dragged me out here to ask me.”

“We just want to know if anybody’s gonna hear something,” Hank said, crossing his arms as he stared right back. “Better to do clean up now than be caught with our pants down later.”

Closing his eyes, Halstead shook his head as he took a deep breath. “What?” he demanded, shooting a glare at both of them. “You think I had something to do with this? Ordered a hit?”

Hank shrugged. “Wouldn’t blame you.”

“If I was going to kill him,” Halstead snarled, jabbing a finger at him. “I would have done it that day. At Emery’s. He’s fucking lucky Hailey was there to stop me.” He shook his head and let out a harsh breath. “No,” he said, a little bit more even this time. “I wouldn’t—I didn’t have anything to do with it…but I hope whoever did? Made it hurt.”

The crime scene photos flashed through Hank’s mind. “You got your wish there, kid.”

Halstead went quiet for a moment. Calculating. “…was it you?”

The thought had crossed his mind. Briefly, hours later in the aftermath, when he’d met the sunrise in his kitchen with a bottle of scotch at his side. He knew enough people, had enough money, and was owed enough favours to make it happen.

But Al had shown up, tugged the bottle out of his hand and halted his silent plans with a quiet word. She wouldn’t want that. Don’t put it on her.

“No,” Hank said, meeting Halstead with a steady look of his own. “None of us.”

Halstead nodded, relaxing minutely before flinging out a hand. “Then who?”

“Guy like Ty,” Al said. “The possibilities are endless.”

***

Statesville Correctional Center

Peters

Nathaniel Peters had worked at Statesville for the better part of twenty years and has crossed paths with all kinds of inmates. Mean ones, innocent ones, friendly, scared, pissed off…

All kinds.

But only one had ever truly unnerved him.

Robert Forrest. Or Ramsay as he was better known as. His crimes of record were hacking and embezzlement, but the cops and the feds and the rest of the suits had no idea who they were really dealing with. The other criminals did though and Peters had heard all of those rumours. Witnessed enough violent outbursts to believe them.

Most of the more violent residents at Statesville had a kind of anger that Peters could understand. A rage that burned hot and fast, leaving a path of destruction before flaming out. It passed.

Ramsay. He was nothing but rage. A constant fire that burned cold. Controlled. He wielded his anger like a knife and there was no running once he had you in his sights. The hunt was all part of the game for him. It didn’t matter if he did the killing or if he paid one of his many pawns. As long as there was blood in the end, he was happy.

Peters was very invested in keeping Ramsay happy.

The guard before him had already up and ‘quit’ abruptly. Ramsay paid the warden well enough that he had the run of the place. The way Peters saw it, he might as well play nice and earn his extra money while he could. Stay on Ramsay’s good side…such as it was.

As soon as he had enough for that little fishing hut down in Florida, he was out of here.

In the meantime, he’d be the best damn pawn in Ramsay’s arsenal.

Knocking on the door of Ramsay’s cell, he waited for permission before sliding open the window. “Some detective’s asking questions,” Peters said. “But the warden has it handled.”

“And Mitchell?”

“Says thank you for the bonus,” Peters said, holding back a snort. The other guard jumped on the job as soon as it was offered. Didn’t hurt that he’d been itching to deal with Anderson since day one. “He’s waiting until the questions die down before taking his early retirement. Everything’s holding up so far. Nothing to tie back to him.” Ramsay hummed, pleased. “I do appreciate tidy work.” There was a pause before his face suddenly appeared in the window, taking everything Peters had not to flinch.

“Do you think she’ll be pleased?” Ramsay asked, eyes wide and unsettlingly earnest.

“Who—”

“My songbird, you idiot,” Ramsay hissed. “My Bex. Do you think she’ll like her gift?”

“Y-yeah,” Peters managed to get out. “I think she’ll be real grateful.”

Ramsay backed away from the door with another little hum. “Good. Maybe I should send her some more flowers. To help her recuperate.”

“I’ll get right on that,” Peters said as he slid the window closed. He shuddered as he walked back down the hall. He might be a coward and a pawn…

But at least he wasn’t Ramsay’s girl.

***

  Jay

Grateful felt like the wrong word when someone had been murdered—even someone like Ty—but Jay wouldn’t lie and say he wasn’t relieved.

Ty was gone.

He could never touch his family ever again.

For the first time in a week, Jay felt like he could actually breathe.

“What now?” he asked Voight.

“Detective Medeiros gave us permission to let the most important people know so that’s where we’re headed next,” Voight said, jerking his chin at Jay. “We were going to hit 51, Med, and then your place. Coming with?”

“Yeah,” Jay nodded. “Definitely.” He needed to be there for this. To let Emery, Will, and Bex know they were safe.

No matter how it happened, that part he truly was grateful for.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3 [A/N - please do click over to read on ao3 because there are some important notes at the end of the chapter to read]:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @lookingfortherainbow85

[stefanmikaleson1864]

Every Version Of You

Jay Halstead X Reader 

Requested by anon 

When jays best friend who he always loved even before the rangers gets honorably discharged from the rangers and comes working beside him and mouse at the district he realizes how innocent romantically she is and why she wouldn’t ever be with someone while they were serving because that meant comments being made an he finds out she’s always been in love with him like he has been with her and turns to putty when she looks up At him after a case

A/N: I hope you like this ! I am so sorry that It’s taken a while to write it but I am working through my request. 

If you like my work please comment like and reblog it means a lot to see interactions on my work. 

Jay’s POV. 

Me and and Y/N have been best friends our entire lives. We went to the same school together and we really always kept to the side

.we never really had any other friends so it was always just us. Where one was the other one was as well. We also happened to live on the same block as each other. 

When things got rough at home we always had a spot where we would meet up together.

 A park down a couple blocks from each other. It was pretty run down and gross so no one ever went there which was good for us. 

It was our place and our safe haven. It’s where we could spend hours talking to each other or really say nothing at all.

 All i knew was when ever I was there with her I always felt safe. That everything was going to be okay. 

During one of our long talks there we talked about the future and what we wanted out of life. We both wanted. 

 We wanted to join the army and get out of town and serve a high purpose in life. 

To be able to help people in need to look back and know we made a difference. Not to mention when we left we would have hella benefits to set us up. It would mean we didn’t have to come back here. 

We would be able to start fresh out there and create a new life.

When we finally made it out of high school we graduated and right away we enlisted.

 We went to boot camp about a month later. Y/N was excited but I had more worried about her than myself. 

I know it’s what we wanted but  now that we were there I couldn’t help but feel scared.

 What if something happened to her. The thought of loosing her tore me up inside. I couldn’t loose someone else. 

Boot camp was rough. Both physically and mentally it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Y/n was feeling it to. But there were some good things that came along with it. 

We meant a lot of new people and became friends with them. Were really building our community.

 One person who really stuck with us was this quiet guy named Greg.We gave him the nick name mouse and he hated it but we didn’t care. 

The three of us were a trio and were always together. Mouse was the first person to call me out on my feelings for Y/N. I didn’t even realize it at first. 

That I was in love with her. He just flat out asked me one day because he was going to and I told  him no she was completely off limits. 

I never really thought about it before like that. Being in love with her because there is a different type of feelings that come along with that. 

But once I realized it I felt so different but a good different. 

Our time in the Military had come and gone and I was the first one to leave. My deployment ended first then Mouse.

 After 3 tours we finally decided we were done and hung up our hats. 

Y/N was right behind us after her 4th Y/n decided it was time to hang up the hat as well. When she came home I was able to get her a civilian job with us. She wasn’t ready to go out in the field. 

The trauma of war really did a number on her and she needed to be able to work a more stable position.

 She worked as a investigator for us. She really liked and she was such a huge part of the team. 

Right now we were all gathered around in the pen working on our next case. We had multiple murders out on the west side and we were worried about more violence coming out. 

We had exhausted all of our options and were left with really nothing. Expect one choice which was Mouse.

 He was selling bootleg cd’s and stolen goods. He also had a hard time adjusting and couldn’t hold down a proper job. 

“Come on we need something before there is more bloodshed out there” Hank said in a upset voice” 

“I think I may have something” I said sitting up 

Everyone looked at me with a confused look on their face. 

“Mouse he lived there his whole life I know him he knows something” I said 

“I don’t know if he would be the best help in his situation” Y/N said with a worried look on her face. 

“Why what happened” Kim asked. 

“He just had a hard time after we came home he never really adjusted” Y/N said. 

“I Know but I think he can handle this” I said

“Look if he’s un hinge it could do more damage than good” Kevin said 

“Look i trust him and I’ll watch out for him what ever happens is on me But I do think this is our best choice” I said 

“Let’s do it” Voight said 

Y/N looked at me a concerned voice so i reached over and gave it a comforting squeeze. 

I didn’t bother to tell him I was showing up because I know him and he would have ran off. I went alone incase he got scared and ran off. 

I made my way to him and like usual he wasn’t really even hiding what he was doing out that giant white van. I made my way over and banged on the back of the van. 

“Hey Mouse open up” I yelled. 

Slowly the door opened up and Mouse stuck his head and peaked around the door.. He looked scared like he was caught which I mean he was technically. 

“Hey Uh Jay what are you doing here” He asked in a worried voice. 

“Relax man I need a favor with something” I said laughing. 

‘Don’t say that out loud man what the hell is wrong with you” Mouse said. 

He grabbed my arm and drug me into the back of his van which is very alarming to most people. 

We got in and it was nothing but stolen goods and food wrappers. And my god that weed smel was horrible. 

We sat down in the two empty seats that was barely there. Mouse had to throw stuff around just for us to be able to sleep. 

“So man hey what’s going on” Mouse asked bouncing around. 

“Look man you gotta chill out you good” I asked placing my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah Man I’m good what’s up” He said. 

“I need your help with a case I know you know about these murders happening” I said 

“Yeah But what’s that got to do with me” Mouse asked. 

“Look I need to see if you can figure anything out I know you know everyone here okay you can figure something out” I said 

“Yeah but If people figure out I’m helping you I can’t risk my business man” Mouse said.

“Man forget your business we got dead body okay innocent people are dying” I said. 

“Okay alright I guess I can think about it” Mouse said 

“Shut the hell up and let’s go and behave when we get there Y/N is already worried about you working this and I don’t want to worry her more or prove her right” I said. 

“Yeah yeah Y/N i heard she was working with you how is she doing if you know what I mean” Mouse said 

I looked at him with a confused and even a slightly annoyed face because he already knew what the situation was he was just instigating the issue.

“Y/n is fine and we work together and we are friends that’s it for that situation” I said 

“You know what I mean” Mouse said shoving his elbow in my arm and laughing. 

“Let’s go now” I said annoyed at him already. 

I got out of the van and headed back into my own car. Mouse was following right behind me and we left headed for the district. 

He was non stop talking the whole way and I tried my best to act like I was paying attention. 

The only thing i was thinking was Y/n probably was going to be right that he wasn’t ready for something like this and I was pushing it. 

If he blew up and this case blew up it means we loose our only chance to get a killer of the street and it means I loose my word that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about. 

The car ride back felt long but I knew it wasn’t and I was nervous about him meeting the team and seeing Y/N again. I didn’t want him to blurt out some dumb stuff. 

When we got there we made our way in and I read him the riot act and pleaded with him to act like he had some kind of commonsense. 

“Hey man I got this stop worrying when have I ever done something dumb” Mouse said 

“We don’t have the time to run through that list” I said getting more mad. 

We made our way back into the bullpen and everyone was sitting at their desk looking at their computer. 

When we walked in they stopped what they were doing and looked up at us.  Y/N looked happy to see him but also had worry all over her eyes. It was subtle but I knew her for so long that I could read her. 

“Y/N my girl I missed you how you been baby” Mouse said loudly. 

“I’m good I missed you too” Y/N said smiling and walked over and hugged him. 

“ Hey everyone It’s nice to meet you all I promise to be on my best behavior” Mouse said 

Voight walked out and walked over to where Mouse was. 

“Listen I appreciate the help but if you fuck this up for us” Voight said 

“No sir I am here to help in anyway I can” Mouse said.

I think it was the first time he actually stiffened up and seemed kind of nervous. 

“Good so let’s get started then we don’t want to waste any time” Voight said. 

“We got 4 dead on our hand we think we have a prime suspect John Roberts he hussles out the west side but we can’t prove anything” Y/N said 

“What makes you think him” Mouse asked 

“All 4 people who were killed their phones pinged out his night club , we know he is a known seller and has a violent streak” Y/N said 

“So we need you to make a bid to be a seller for him and get him talking on a wire” Voight said. 

“Um yeah I know this guy he’s dangerous and ruthless he’s just not going to open up to me” Mouse said. 

“Look we know you got a rep in that area okay so you asking for this isn’t going to raise red flags” Jay said 

“Fine but no way am I going alone” Mouse said 

“Me and Jay can go were pose as customers in the club you know we got you” Y/N said 

“Y/N you haven’t been out in the field.” I said worried about her

“I’ll be fine don’t worry about me i can handle myself” Y/N said a little defensive. 

“Listen she says she’s fine I trust her it sounds like a good plan get it done” Voight said. 

I didn’t say anything and we all went back to our desk to get everything ready for tonight. After a couple of hours we were putting the final touches on the plan. 

Y/N went home and changed into something a little more appropriate for a club so no red flags would get raised. 

I was currently helping to bug mouse and I could tell he was nervous but he wouldn’t say anything. 

“Listen your good me and Y/N we got you like we always have before” I told him. 

“Yeah yeah your right” Mouse said. 

We finished up and headed out. Y/N was meeting us there. The car ride over was silent and we both had jitters. 

When we arrived there Y/N was sitting outside and she had on this purple sparkly dress. She was all dressed up. She really looked beautiful. 

I gave Mouse a squeeze on the shoulder and we headed out. 

“Hey come on it’s going to be okay” I said 

Mouse nodded and we walked over to Y/n.She looked up at us and smiled. 

“You go in and were head in a little bit after so we don’t look like were together you got this Greg It’s going to be okay” Y/N said 

“Yeah Thanks” Mouse said. 

He went and in we stayed behind and I looked over at Y/N and I could tell she was nervous to. 

“Hey there is no shame about being nervous It’s been a while sense you been out in the field but you got this I got you” I said 

“I know I’m okay I’m good really Let’s go inside i’m freezing” she said looking up at me and smiling. 

We walked in and grabbed a drink from the bar and headed to a table we where we could see mouse without being to noticed. 

“So how’s things been with you” Y/N asked 

“What do you mean” I asked

“I mean you haven’t been dating anyone sense Erin and we haven’t been able to talk in a while what’s going on” She asked. 

“Not much haven’t been in the mood to date sense she left” I said 

“Come on handsome guy like you it’s impossible to stay single for long” She said smiling. 

“I think I have someone in my mind but it would never go anywhere so i’m working on getting past that” I said honestly 

“Who do I know her” She asked 

“Uh yeah but don’t worry about it” I said 

“Okay fine sure be secretive or what ever” Y/n said taking a drink. 

“How we looking up there” I asked the team out there. 

‘Good mouse is being talkative but John has no clue were on to him. This might actually work” Kevin said. 

“It’s Mouse he always has a way with words” I said laughing. 

“Hey at least he talks to people” Y/N said 

“Damn Jay what did you do to her” Adam asked 

The conversation fell flat after that and I felt bad because I didn’t want to think I was pushing her out. 

Mouse was up there a while and he was doing okay so hopefully it was a sign we got everything we needed. 

After a little bit he headed down and we watched him leave. We again waited a few minutes before we also left. 

When we went outside Mouse was sitting in the back seat of the car and we walked over and got in. 

“Hey how did it go” I asked 

“Good I am now a seller a little bit see how it goes but we got our way in” Mouse said 

“OMG I told you that you could do this , we got a way in” Y/N said 

“Thanks Now let’s get the hell out of here” Mouse said 

“Alright let’s call it a night and we all meet in the morning” Voight said.

Mouse was a little quiet and I could tell he was nervous about this. But I knew it was all going to be worth it once we catched this son of a bitch. 

We drove off and I dropped Mouse off at his apartment. Me and Y/n left and it was quiet in the car after. 

I drove to her place and I parked the car and we both just sat there for a second before sitting in silence. 

She didn’t get out right away and I didn’t know what was wrong but I decided to break the silence. 

“Hey I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to ice you out or anything” I said 

She looked over at me and smiled. 

“It’s okay I just wanted to make sure everything was okay” She said. 

“Listen I need to be honest because if I can’t be honest with you then nothing else matters” I said. 

I could feel the anxiety building up inside of me and I needed to say it to her. Don’t ask me why now seemed like a good time.

 I guess after icing her out earlier maybe I thought I should tell her. 

“Hey so this girl I like I need to get over and move on from it’s you. I love you Y/n I have for a while and I haven’t been able to say because I know you feel about dating and being deployed so i didn’t say anything” I said.

“I didn’t want to ruin our friendship or change anything and I was scared” I said

“I uh” she said 

I could feel the anxiety bubbling up inside of me and I was worried that I just ruined my only good thing I had going on. 

She grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze and she looked over and smiled at me. 

“I love you I really do and not just in a friendship type of way like romantic. But i’m scared because you are the only good thing I have but I have a lot going on mentally and I need time you know” She said 

“I want to keep working on being the most best version of myself but I do want this so if we could work slow and build up” Y/N said. 

I squeezed her hand back and looked over at her and smiled. I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. 

“I love every version of you but I want you to be the best version you can possibly be and I will be here for you on the other side when ever your ready I am here so take as long as you need” I said 

“ I love you Jay Halstead and I can’t Imagine what I would do without you” She said 

“Well you never have to know” I said. 

“How about you come up and we watch the hockey game and beers” Y/N said 

“I would live that let’s go” I said. 

We got up and headed in. We watched the game and laid out on the couch together and nights like these are worth everything.

[toppersjeep]

Chapter 12- I Miss You

The One -[Jay Halstead X Matt Casey]

link to master list with previous chapters

Elle’s POV

“So have you spoken to Jay” Stella asked. “Why would I” I said. “I mean maybe he’s sorry” Stella said. “Elena we have a call at the police headquarters ” Kelly said. “The police headquarters” I asked. “Yeah something about a bomb threat they need our expertise” Kelly said. “Alright” I said. “We can take my car” Kelly said.

“So just us” I said. “Yeah we are the only two who actually took the courses” Kelly said. “This should be fun” I said. We drove to the police headquarters and then went up to some meeting room. As soon as we turned the corner I saw my Dad. So I knew Jay would be there too. “Great” I said.

“Look put whatever you have aside okay we aren’t doing drama” Kelly said. “Copy that” I said. We walked in through the doors. “Ah there they are some of the city’s finest firefighters” Dad said. “Nice to meet you” the director said. “This is my daughter Elena Voight and her boss Kelly Severide” Dad said.

“Your daughter wow she grew up” the man said. “That she did” he said I smiled. “So what do you need our help with” Kelly asked. “Well we found a bomb earlier today and we think they are planning more attacks” he said.

“We do know what they already did one earlier today at a festival” Jay added. “Was anyone else hurt” I said looking at my dad. “We do have a missing police officer” Kim said. “He was working detail with Kim and disappeared” Adam said. “Maybe he’s a part of this” I said.

“No I know him he’d never do this” Kim said. “Sometimes people aren’t as them seem” I said looking at Jay. “So why do you need us” Kelly said. “Your experts in this stuff tell us what’s in it and how it was made” the director added. “Maybe we can figure out how to stop the next one” he said.

“Well one of them can work on it we do need backup” Adam said. “I’ll stay Elena” Kelly said. “Kelly” I said. “No you’ve got a better handle on the police thing so” Kelly said. “Elena go with Halstead” Dad said. “Dad” I said. “No complaints go” Dad said.

We then walked downstairs to the parking garage. Of course I had to be stuck with him.

“Come on”Jay said. “For the record I hate this idea” I said walking in front of him. “Elena I’ve told you I’m sorry multiple times” Jay said. “I don’t wanna hear this” I said getting into the passenger seat of his car.

(Crystal Reed as Elena Voight)

“You know your one of the most stubborn people I know” Jay said. “Just drive Jay” I said. “I’m just saying you are” he said stopping at a red light. “God why do I get roped into these things” I said. “Elle did you ever stop and think it’s because your good at what you do” Jay said.

“Jay” I said softly. “You are Elena you made Squad despite everyone at the academy telling you aren’t good enough” Jay said stopping the car. “Your an amazing firefighter Elena you’ve saved so many lives” Jay said putting a hand on mine.

“Yeah and what about the ones I didn’t Jay how do you cope with that” I said. “Think about the people you will save and the lives you’ll change” he said. I teared up. “I just” I said he hugged me tightly. “I know” Jay said. “Hey Halstead we got something” Adam said over the radio.

“Yeah what do you got” Jay said back. “We found the guy Atwater is bringing him in” Adam said. “Copy that” Jay said. “Sorry” I said. “No don’t apologize Elle just know I’m here for you” Jay said. “I appreciate that” I said he smiled.

“Want me to drop you back off at the firehouse” Jay asked. “Yeah that’s fine” I said. We drove back to the firehouse. He parked off to the side in the driveway. “Maybe we can talk later about everything tonight” Jay said. “Ummm.. yeah I’d like that” I said. “So I’ll see you tonight” Jay said. “I’ll see you” I said getting out. I watched as he drove off.

I then walked into the firehouse to see Matt talking to Otis.

“Hey how’d it go” Matt said. “Good I think” I said. “Well you were the right person for it” Matt said. “I’ll go over there I can feel the weirdness” Otis said walking over to the Squad table.

“He’s right there is a weirdness” I said. “Well we did kiss so” Matt said. “Yeah I know but” I said. “There’s always a but” Matt said. “I can’t do that Matt I wouldn’t to Gabby” I said. “And you still love him” Matt said. “I just” I said sighing. “No it’s alright you don’t have to explain yourself” Matt said.

“Well I gotta go take care of some stuff” I said. “Yeah so I’ll see you tonight at Mollys” Matt asked. “Rain check I got somewhere to be” I said. “Holding you to it Voight” Matt said.

Later…

Before I went to see Jay I stopped by the cemetery to see Jimmy. It had been almost seven months since he passed away. So I had brought flowers. Even though it had just began to snow. I knew I had to see him.

I got out of my car and walked over to his grave. They buried him beside his older brother.

“I don’t know how these things work” I said setting the flowers down on his headstone. “But I do know that I forgive you for everything” I said. “And I’ve been trying to forgive myself and it’s hard” I said tearing up. “Everyday I wonder if there was more I could’ve done to protect you” I said.

“You were one of my closest friends and I let you go down this path” I said wiping my tear. “I know I should’ve done more and I’m sorry” I said putting a hand on the headstone. “If your out there somewhere I hope your happier just know I miss you” I said softly. “And that the firehouse isn’t the same without you” I said.

“I really am sorry for being a shitty friend” I said. “Well I should be going but say hi to Justin for me” I said. I then drove away and drove to Jays. I walked up to his apartment and knocked on the door.

“Hey Elena thought we were meeting at Mollys” Jay said. “No I just wanted to stay in if that’s okay” I said. “Sure yeah” he said I walked into his apartment. “Before we talk or say anything I need to tell you something” I said he shut the door.

“What’s up” he said sitting on his couch. “Matt kissed me the other night” I said. “As in Matt Casey” he asked. “Yeah and I don’t feel anything for him I guess seeing you today made me realize” I said. “I’m telling you because I want this to work ,I want us to trust each other” I said.

“I do trust you Elle” he said cupping my cheek. “You know I love you right” I said. “I know” he said. “And Elena… I love you” Jay said. “Yeah” I said. “Yeah I do” he said I kissed him. “So movie night and pizza” Jay said.

“I’m so down for that” I said. “Good and wings I guess because you love them” he said I smiled. “You know me so well” I said.

[crazybagelbitch]

In honor of a conversation between @libraryofloveletters and I: have a dumb teeny tiny Moustead drabble!

“Really, this is nothing,” Jay says, waving his good arm dismissively, “just a through and through to the shoulder. Much better than the last time I was shot.”

“I swear to God,” Mouse mumbles under his breath, before pressing down hard on Jay’s bleeding shoulder and raising his voice, “sorry, I know it really hurts. Just keeping you alive and all. Don’t you dare die on me.”

“Psh, this isn’t even life threatening.”

“ALL gunshot wounds are life threatening,” Mouse all but growls, taking a deep breath, “I know you’re trying to make me feel better, but considering you’re the one bleeding on the ground, I think it should be the other way around. The ambulance will be here soon; it’s all going to be alright, I promise.”

“Baby, for real, this is nothing. Some of my non-gunshot injuries have been worse than this.”

Mouse takes another deep breath, trying not to lose it. There is nothing remotely okay or chill or relaxed about his boyfriend being shot in front of him, and yet, said boyfriend seems to be feeling all three.

I will not yell at Jay while he is shot, I will not yell at Jay while he is short. Those can’t be the last words I—

“Baby, I’m not dying,” Jay has the audacity to say with a LAUGH, reading Mouse’s mind, “I’ve had so much worse than this, you know that. Besides, when I finally go down, I’m not going to let it be because of some drunk redneck with a gun.”

“You’re not being funny. You were just shot and the ambulance isn’t here yet and you could— you could— you don’t KNOW that everything is going to be fine. Stop being an asshole and let me worry about you.”

“I mean, I guess I can’t stop you.”

“You are insane. You are literally insane. You were shot and you’re acting like it’s just another Tuesday. I love you so much, but I’m never going to forgive you for this.”

“Mousey, Honey, Baby… this is— I’m a Halstead. It’ll be okay.”

“Maybe, but it isn’t okay right NOW.”

“…That’s fair,” Jay concedes, mostly just to keep Mouse from having a stroke, “but one day we’ll laugh about this, yeah? Okay— don’t make that face. Message received. Maybe we won’t laugh about it, but it’ll be… baby, it’s… worse things have happened.”

“I don’t know about that,” Mouse sighs, relaxing just the slightest bit now that he can hear sirens, “I really need to keep you in full armor at all times, don’t I? You can’t keep doing this to me, lovey.”

“If it makes you feel better, Will is gonna flip out, too.”

“That’s the normal, proper human reaction, Jay.”

[anotheronechicagobog]

Chapters: 9/? Fandom: Chicago Fire, Chicago PD (TV), Chicago Med Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Relationships: Stella Kidd/Natalie Manning, Sylvie Brett/Jay Halstead, Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide, Matt Casey/Natalie Manning, Hailey Upton/Kim Burgess, Jay Halstead/Ethan Choi, Sarah Reese/Connor Rhodes (Chicago Med), Sylvie Brett/Kelly Severide Characters: Intelligence Unit (Chicago PD), Firehouse 51 (Chicago Fire) - Character, Stella Kidd, Natalie Manning, Sylvie Brett, Jay Halstead, Matthew Casey, Kelly Severide, Hailey Upton, Kim Burgess, Ethan Choi, Connor Rhodes, Sarah Reese Series: Part 4 of Everyone's Dating Each Other And That Went About As Well As You'd Expect Summary:

A compilation of one-shots with couples/pairings that are NOT or have ever been canon. The number beside each pairing indicates the number of chapters centering that particular pairing, each chapter is a oneshot. If any of the pairings get revisited it will be with a fresh prompt and no connections to the previous chapter about that pairing.

Example: Matt Casey x Natalie Manning, Joe Cruz x Ethan Choi, Kim Burgess x Stella Kidd

The newest chapter is out! Sorry for the wait! :)

[vroomvroommuppett]

very proud of this one

[unknowntoyou2205]

Scared for her life (3/4)

Info: Jay can't help but worry for the girl he used to work with

Requested by @maybankangel-blog

Series Masterlist

Y/n blinked as she came round from the hit on the head. She blinked a few times as she rubbed her head before sitting up and opening her eyes. She looked out the window to see if she could see anything, but they were long out of the city, and were now on back roads. Instead, she turned her vision in front to see two figures sitting in front of the car, talking.

“They’re getting onto us.” One of the spoke, and the guy driving sighed. “We need to figure something out Dareen, get them off our trace.” The guy driving spoke, and y/n recognized the voice of the guy who took her. “And how do you suppose we do that, we have five missing girls, there not going to just forget about them.” The guy, now known as Dareem, stated harshly at his friend. “I don’t know okay.” The guy snapped back “I just need to think”

“What are you going to do with me?” Y/n decided to make herself known, and Dareen glanced back at her. “Well look who’s awake.” He mocked her, and y/n rolled her eyes at him. “We won’t be doing anything to you, yet.” The driver stated, eyeing her in the mirror. “Can I know your names?” Y/n asked, now putting up an act of fear. “The least you know the better.” Dareen stated, and y/n sighed. “Can you tell me where you’re going? I don’t see any lights, so we must be outside the city.” Y/n stated, and Dareen looked back at her, narrowing his eyes. “It doesn’t matter where we’re going.” The driver snapped at her, and she shrunk back in her seat. “I just want to know where I am so I can tell my parents not to worry about me. They’re expecting me home at 11 tonight.” “Well guess you missed your time.” The guy spoke back at her teasingly, and y/n forced tears to come up. “Please, just tell me something. I want to go home.” Y/n chocked, and the driver looked back at her, eyes softening slightly. “You want to go home?” He asked, pretending to care, “Well too bad, your with us now.” “We’ll take care of you, for now.” Dareen winked at her, and y/n frowned at the thoughts spiralling in her head.

-------------------------------------

Jay took two steps at a time as he and Erin returned to intelligence from Med. Will had told him to prevent straining his arm till the stitches came out, but Jay just waved him off. He didn’t care about him, all he cared about was y/n.

“Found anything yet?” Jay asked, looking at Mouse desk where Adam and Keving were currently at. “They’ve taken her outside the city and one of them is called Dareen.” Adam stated, and Jay’s face hardened. “Do we know what they want with her?” Erin asked. “They just said they’d look after her.” Mouse spoke, and Kevin hit his arm as he seen Jay’s hand ball into a fist. “Don’t look too much into it, I’m sure y/n can look after herself.” Erin stated, putting a hand on Jay’s shoulder, frowning as he shook it off.

“Quiet, they’re talking again.” Mouse shouted at everyone, causing silence to come throughout the room.

------------------------------------

Y/n looked around at the place as the car came to a stop. They clearly didn’t care about her seeing where she was as they made no effort to prevent her vision as Dareen took her out of the car, keeping a grip on her arm. She looked around as they walked towards a house.

“Where are we” She asked, and the unknown guys head whipped around to look at her. “ Enough of the questions, we’ll tell you what we want you to know alright.” He snapped at her, and y/n cowered back from him.

She refused to make any more noise, instead allowing Dareen to push her towards a cottage, that seemed to be well taken care of. The light yellow paint on the walls was a stark contrast to what happened behind its walls. And what happened behind these walls were still unknown to y/n, but clearly it wasn’t going to be long till she found out.

The unknown man opened the door and held it open as Dareen and y/n walked inside. She looked around to see a kitchen and living room before a hall was seen with stairs. Dareen pushed y/n towards the hall before proceeding to take out a kay from his pocket. He banged on the door before unlocking it, swinging the door open.

Y/n looked inside to see 5 young women placing hands up to their faces, trying to block the light that strayed into room with the open door.  Y/n glanced at Dareen before he pushed her into the room. She toppled over the steps only for one of the girls to catch her, preventing herself from falling.

“Make your new friend feel welcome girls.” Dareen called out before slamming the door and locking it.

Y/n looked around as her eyes grew used to the low light present in the room she was now held captured in. The girls around her looked at her before turning away, some lying down on dodgy mattresses while others leaned against the walls.

“Hi.” She spoke softly, acting unsure of herself. “Hey.” A timid girl replied, looking around at her fellow hostages, “Don’t worry, they don’t talk very much. Some of us have been here for a long time and just lost the will to communicate.” She explained, nodding towards the girls who ignored her. “Do you know where we are?” Y/n asked the girl who spoke to her, walking to sit beside the girl. “I think it’s Dareen or Kyles house, we’re not really sure. We get given little information around here.” The girl shrugged, looking down at her lap. “Dareen & Kyle, they’re the ones who are holding us here?” Y/n asked, trying to gather information. “Yeah. They seem pretty open about what we hear so I don’t think they plan to have us getting out of here, at least not alive anyway.” The girl spoke, looking y/n in the eye as she said the facts.” “You say they’re pretty open, do you know much about them?” Y/n asked. “They’re two guys who take girls and sell them on for guys to marry. They travel around to avoid getting caught.” “They’re smart I’ll give them that.” Y/n muttered, giving credit to the guys for their smartness. “Would I of heard of them?” “Probably not. They go by Montez brothers.”

------------

“Montez brothers, last related to a case of 5 missing girls in South Carolina. One of the girls were found beaten up by a domestic situation where she reported them as kidnapping her. They fled and haven’t been found since.” Mouse stated, looking up from his computer to Voight. “Where are they residing now.” Voight asked. “r/a.” Mouse stated. “Let’s roll.”

Jay didn’t need to be told twice as he made a run towards his jeep, Erin following in toll.

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Antonio Dawson

Jay Halstead

Jay Halstead & Kim Burgess

Greg "Mouse" Gerwitz

[herrmannhalsteadproduction]

Fine is a Four-Letter Word (Chapter Four)

Summary: This is Part Twenty-Two of my series A Herrmann/Halstead Production. It is an AU where Christopher Herrmann's mom had an affair with Pat Halstead resulting in a baby. The series follows this OC character (Rebecca "Bex" Herrmann) as she grows up and gets to know her brothers and the various Chicago teams. It is very much an AU, just to underscore that. It doesn't follow the same timeline and characters will follow different paths.

Click here for the Series Rundown where you can find the links to read all of the previous installments (which I highly recommend you do so that this one makes sense.)

Rating: Mature

Relationships: Christopher Herrmann & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Original Female Character, Will Halstead & Original Female Character, Jay Halstead & Will Halstead, Greg 'Mouse' Gerwitz/Original Female Character, Will Halstead/Connor Rhodes, Assorted OC Couples

Warnings: Injury Recovery, Trauma Recovery, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Protective Siblings, Family Feels, Team as Family, Road Trip, Kissing, Romance, Mild Sexual Content, Swearing, Eventual Happy Ending

Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Four

A few hours earlier…

***

Chris

“Thanks for fitting me in, Doc,” Chris said, shifting on the couch as he took in the familiar space of Dr. Peters office. He hadn’t been in a few weeks, reducing their visits once he’d finally felt like he had his feet back under him since the Freddy incident.

But then…well.

He’d called yesterday to see if he could make an emergency appointment and they’d been good enough to get him in today. Just enough time between checking on Bex and stopping in at the hospital to make it work.

“It’s not a problem, Chris,” Dr. Peters said and sounded like he actually meant it. Chris liked that about the guy. He was genuine. Made it feel less like he was talking to a shrink.

“Why don’t you tell me what prompted your call.”

…maybe only a little bit less. Chris chuckled to himself before scrubbing a hand over his face. “I mean, you got the broad strokes there,” he said, gesturing at the notes in Dr. Peters’ lap. “Everything that happened, it was—it was a lot. I’m having a hard time…and Cindy, you know, she’s been amazing, but she’s trying to deal with it all too and she’s pregnant and I can’t just keep dumping on her. Figured I might as well talk to you.”

Of course, that was when he clammed up, his brain stalling out on exactly how to explain what he was feeling. Why he was struggling.

If he could do that, he probably wouldn’t be here.

Dr. Peters waited him out until Chris managed to say, “I don’t know…how to handle this.”

A head tilt was all he got in response. Right, right. Say more. He knew that.

Chris groaned, rubbing at his forehead. “It’s one thing when it’s me getting hurt or hell, even someone from the firehouse,” he said. “We know that comes with the territory. Even Jay—that was, you know, that was hard, but again, he’s a cop and he’s not—”

“He’s not what?” Dr. Peters asked quietly when Chris didn’t continue. “He’s not my baby sister,” Chris choked out. “Bex is—you-you remember the whole story, right? She’s…she’s pretty much my kid. I raised her. I look at her and I still see my little girl.” He swiped at his cheeks, shaking his head. “But she’s, uh, she’s a grown up now, technically, and she won’t—she’s not letting me help her. And I know I’ve got to let her make her own choices. I know that. I do. But she’s, ah, she’s struggling. I can see it and I’m spending every friggin’ minute worried about her, but I can’t make her come and stay with us so I can keep an eye on her even though I want to.”

He huffed out a deep sigh.

“I don’t want to make it worse,” Chris said, finally looking up at the doc. “But I don’t know how to make it better.”

“Have you communicated any of these fears to Bex?” Dr Peters asked and Chris snorted.

“Have I told her I’m afraid she’s not going to take care of herself because she’s got two hefty doses of stubborn in her DNA? No,” Chris said. “I have not. Not in so many words, anyway.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “And isn’t that more…my own problem? Don’t you think? She’s the one who got hurt and has to deal with the trauma from that. I shouldn’t be adding my own fears on top of it all.”

Dr. Peters set his papers aside at that and levelled a look at Chris. “Do you remember what we talked about after your injury? With Cindy and her fears about you returning to work?”

Oh. Right.

Chris had forgotten about that actually. Cindy had been terrified about him going back, to both the firehouse and Molly’s. She’d kept quiet about it for longer than Chris liked to think about—still hated that she felt so alone in it and yeah, okay, he could see Dr. Peters’ point here.

“When something like this happens to a loved one,” Dr. Peters said, repeating his words from the past. “It creates its own measure of trauma through the fear and uncertainty that you experienced. Communicating your fears to Bex could not only help you to work through them, but might also provide her with an opportunity to open up, much like it did with you and Cindy.”

“So, you think I should just…”

“Talk about your fears with Bex.”

“Okay.” Chris sat back on the couch. “…any ideas on how I should go about that?”

“We have some time left.” Dr. Peters smiled at him. “Let’s talk it through.”

***

Now

***

Jay

“Gentlemen,” Dr. Abrams said, arms folded as he stared down at them in a way that almost had Jay shrinking back into his seat. “I’m only going to ask this question once. Why do I see Ms. Herrmann sitting in the ICU when she is supposed to be at home? Resting. Which was doctor’s orders, I believe.”

Jay shot a look at Mouse who was giving him that same ‘not it’ look from the living room which was even less helpful now than it was then.

“Okay, uh,” Jay began. “I can explain…”

“Oh, good,” Chris said, popping up out of freaking nowhere with that very distinct look on his face that Jay had been picturing since Bex tried to make a break for it and it was exactly as awful as he thought it would be. “Because, I gotta say, Jay, I would also love to hear how this happened.”

“First of all,” Jay said, stalling, trying to figure out where to start, maybe panicking a little bit. “It’s also Mouse’s fault.”

“Dude.”

Jay ignored the betrayed look on his face—there was no way Jay was taking crap for this all on his own. “She heard us talking with you about Will and Emery,” he said to Chris. “Mouse caught her trying to leave on her own so she could check on them. What were we supposed to do?”

“She was really upset,” Mouse added. “We did our best to make sure she ate something and rested a bit, but she wasn’t going to relax until she saw them.”

“You know how much she’s been struggling,” Jay began and Chris nodded with a sigh.

“No, no, I get it,” Chris said, deflating as he leaned against one of the couches. “I’m not mad, Jay, just—”

“Just disappointed?” Jay muttered, having a hard time meeting Chris’s eye.

“No, not—” A hand clamped down on his shoulder and Jay looked up to see Chris shaking his head. “Listen. It’s a tough time all around and everyone’s doing their best. I’m more concerned about the fact that Bex seems to be doing her best to put herself back in a hospital bed.”

“Ms. Herrmann’s healing will only be delayed by stress,” Dr. Abrams said. “As much as I’d rather see her at home, resting, if checking in on Dr. Halstead and Ms. Hughes gives her some peace of mind, I think we can allow it under controlled circumstances. Limited visits. The last thing we want is her pushing herself and prolonging her symptoms.”

“That’s going to be a fun conversation,” Jay said, already grimacing at the thought.

“I know you guys are taking point on this, but you’re not alone,” Chris said. “I think it’s going to take all of us to manage the Bex situation.”

“Manage the what now?”

***

Chris

Dr. Peters would not be impressed with how this chat was going so far.

Chris turned around to see Bex standing behind their little group, leaning heavily on Kira who was trying to help her down into a chair. Bex stood firm though as she glared at him.

“I’m managing myself just fine, Chris,” she said. “You don’t need to be having little meetings about me or whatever it is that’s happening here.” Bex waved a hand at them, her frown turning into a wince as the movement pulled at her side.

Yeah, she was totally fine.

“Sit down, Ms. Herrmann,” Dr. Abrams said, gesturing at the chair she was still stubbornly ignoring. He raised an eyebrow at her when she didn’t move. “That wasn’t a request.”

Bex huffed before shaking off the helping hands of Kira, Chris, Jay, and Mouse and carefully lowering herself into the chair. It was friggin’ painful to watch.

“I always thought you were the sensible one,” Dr. Abrams continued. “You seem determined to prove me wrong.” He managed to keep his usual dry tone, but Chris could see the pinch of concern around his eyes.

And the way his mouth flattened when Bex didn’t toss one of her usual comebacks at him. She only sighed and rubbed at her forehead as she slumped back in the chair.

Dr. Abrams exchanged a look with Chris, opening his mouth to speak again when he was cut off by his pager. He took a quick look at it and frowned. “I have to go,” he said, frown deepening as he watched Bex. Stepping forward, he crouched down beside her chair, startling her. “Bex—”

“Whoa, first name,” she muttered. “Serious.”

“Yes, it is,” he said as he fought back a little smile. “So, listen carefully. Dr. Fahir and I let you leave the hospital with the understanding that you were going to take care of yourself. I expected you to do better than this.”

Mouse made a noise at that and Dr. Abrams held up a hand, not breaking eye contact with Bex.

“People who get readmitted are clearly not well enough to come up with nicknames,” he said. “Wouldn’t you agree?”

Bex’s sullen look cracked a bit at that. “Stooping to bribery, Dr. Abrams?”

“Merely stating facts. Now stop making me repeat myself and get some rest.” He patted her knee as he stood up. “Gentlemen.” Then, with a nod, he was striding back down the hall.

That was…helpful? Maybe? Chris turned back to find Bex glaring up at him—or maybe not so helpful then.

“Well? Isn’t it your turn to lecture me?” Bex held herself stiffly in the chair, chin set as she stared somewhere around his shoulder. “Come on. You wanted to talk about the Bex situation.”

“I can’t help being concerned,” Chris said. “The docs told us to expect mood swings and impulsive behaviour, but—”

“It’s not unreasonable for me to want to check on Will and Emery,” Bex snapped.

“No, it’s not.” Chris took a beat and focused on maintaining calm tones. “But you trying to haul ass to the hospital all by yourself kinda was. You’re injured, Bex and there are limitations—”

“I’m handling it—”

“Can you guys give us a minute?” Chris asked Jay, Mouse, and Kira. “Go grab a coffee or something? Heck, grab one for me while you’re at it.” The three of them hesitated, looking between him and Bex. “Please?”

“I should get back to Emery anyway,” Kira said softly, giving Bex a gentle squeeze on her shoulder before heading back into the ICU room. Jay and Mouse stood, but made not move to leave yet.

“It’s fine,” Bex sighed. “Stop fussing.”

“We’ll be back soon,” Jay said, clasping a hand on Chris’s back while Mouse leaned down to kiss Bex on top of her head and murmur something in her ear that got a faint smile out of her. With a few final looks back, the two of them headed down the hall and out of sight.

Chris pulled one of the little tables over closer to Bex’s chair and sat down on it, facing her with his elbows on his knees. The two of them stared at each other for a moment.

“I’m handling it,” she finally muttered. Bex had that same mulish look on her face that she’d perfected at the age of three and Chris couldn’t help the bark of laughter it pulled out of him.

“Well, I’m glad to hear it,” he said, shaking his head. “Because I’m definitely not.”

“Wha-what do you mean?”

Staring down at his hands, Chris took a moment to gather his words. “When Trudy and Mouse showed up at the station like that,” he said slowly, not wanting to put this on Bex, but needing to talk about it with her. “I thought I was about to have the worst day of my life all over again.”

“Chris,” she whispered and he held up a hand, meeting her eyes.

“Let me get this out. Please.” Chris swiped a hand over his face and cleared his throat. “It was still one of the worst days of my life,” he said. “Seeing you hurt like that and knowing what you’d been through? That we’d almost—that you could’ve—” He shuffled forward to kneel beside her, old man knees be damned. “Losing you would have broken me, Bex. It would have broken all of us. And—and knowing how close we came? It’s been keeping me up at night. I’m trying really hard not to hover, but god, kid, I can’t stop worrying about you.”

Bex reached out with her unbroken arm and grabbed his hand in hers. Chris squeezed it gently for a moment, grounding himself.

“I know you’re processing things in your own way and you need space,” he said. “But please—please don’t shut us out. Let us help you. And let yourself heal. You need time and you need to rest, Bex. I just—please don’t fight me on this, okay? I need you to take this seriously and take care of yourself. I need you to be okay.”

“I’m trying,” Bex said, voice going thick. “I just—Will…and Emery—”

“Are not alone,” Chris said. “They have all of us looking out for them. Not just you, okay? So, trust us to do that. To help. I get that all of that is a lot to ask, but can you try? Will you? Please?”

***

Bex

When Bex had walked out into the hall and come across the little huddle between Chris, Jay, Mouse, and Dr. Abrams, a white-hot flare of anger had burned through her gut.

How dare they? Talking about her like that?

Discussing how to manage her?

Chalking up her feelings to concussion side effects?

She’d been two-seconds away from telling them all to fuck off and finding her own way to hobble home.

But then Chris had to go and pour his heart out and now she just felt awful. Physically. Emotionally. Pretty much on a cellular level.

The last thing she wanted was to cause him pain and look what she was doing.

“I’m sorry,” Bex managed to get out.

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, sweetheart,” Chris said, groaning as he got to his feet. “Just promise me you’ll take care of yourself first.” He leaned over her to wrap her up in a gentle hug. Bex closed her eyes and let herself sink into it.

She hadn’t meant to worry him—hadn’t meant to worry anyone—but she’d been so focused on Will and Emery, worried about them, that she hadn’t thought about much else.

Now she knew though, how wrong that had been.

Of course, Chris was upset and worried. Just like Jay and Mouse and apparently a whole bunch of other people including Dr. Abrams.

And Bex was making it worse.

After everything they’d all been through, she was making it worse.

And why? What for?

It wasn’t like she’d been stabbed or shot. She was going to be fine in a couple of weeks.

Chris was right. Bex needed to suck it up and focus. Follow doctors’ orders perfectly and maybe she could shave a bit of time off of that couple weeks so she could be back in the game and help out properly. Will and Emery were going to need it during their much longer recovery times.

Heal up now. Help out sooner. That made sense.

Bex could do that.

“Hey,” Jay said quietly from somewhere behind her. “Everything okay here?”

“Yeah.” Chris straightened up with a little pat to Bex’s undamaged shoulder. “We’re all good. Oh, gimme that.” He reached out and grabbed a coffee from Jay’s outstretched hand with a little grin, immediately taking a gulp. “Jesus, that’s hot. Mm.” He took another quick sip. “Ah!”

“You do that every time. Why don’t you get iced coffee?” Bex laughed as she pushed herself up out of her chair. Mouse moved to her side, ready to help, but not actually jumping in to do so which she appreciated. Almost as much as the small vanilla frappuccino that he handed her after.

Chris grimaced through another sip. “Iced? And dilute my caffeine? No, ma’am.”

“Connor said Will’s awake if we want to stop by,” Jay said, waving his phone at her.

“How is that even a question?” Bex started to rush toward the elevator, ready to push to get to Will faster, before Chris’s words played back through her brain and she forced herself to slow down. Move carefully. She ignored the loaded look that passed between Chris and Jay, tried to tamp down on the flutter of panic building in her chest that said she had to rush—had to lay eyes on Will now to truly know he was okay, and took the arm that Mouse offered her. “Let’s go.”

One step in front of the other. Slow and steady.

She could make herself be okay.

For Chris.

For all of them.

***

Mouse

After stopping in at Emery’s room to say goodbye—mostly to Kira since Emery was already asleep again—the four of them headed down to Will’s room.

Mouse kept an eye on Bex the whole way. He tried to be subtle about it, but the only reason he probably got away with it was because Jay and Chris were doing the same thing. Bex was mostly focused on walking which was still fucking painful to watch and not even the thing that was worrying him the most.

She was quiet since her talk with Chris. Subdued almost.

What the hell had he said to her?

Neither of them seemed distressed and even Jay seemed fine. Watchful, but okay.

Maybe—maybe Mouse was reading into things. He’d been hyper-aware of Bex’s every move and tone and expression since he’d walked into her hospital room and he should probably start to stand down a bit.

She relaxed once they got into Will’s room and she had some time sitting beside him, holding his hand. Groggy as he was, Will managed to make her laugh a bit as well.

Jay pulled Connor aside while Will and Bex were distracted with each other. The guy looked wrecked. “How’s he really doing?” Jay asked. “And how are you, man?”

Connor sighed. “Will’s about as good as can be expected,” he said. “The bleed was relatively easy to fix and his fever is slowly going down. I don’t want to say we’re completely out of the woods yet, but it’s looking better and everyone’s keeping a close eye on him.”

“And how are you,” Chris asked again.

“I’m—” Connor let out a short laugh as he dragged a hand down his face. “I’m just grateful he’s still alive and focused on keeping him that way. Everything else is…background noise.”

“Well, I’m here for the afternoon,” Chris said. “So, you go get some food and a shower and a nap and I can keep an eye on the big guy.”

“Chris, I—”

“Nah, none of that.” Chris held up a hand with a crooked little smile. He nodded over at Bex and Will, lowering his voice. “I’m trying to get Bex to be better about accepting help from all of us so how about you lead by example, eh?”

Connor ducked his head, huffing out a little laugh. “Fair enough,” he said. “And, uh, thank you.”

“That’s what family’s for,” Chris said, patting him on the back.

Will started to fade again shortly after that so after another round of goodbyes, Mouse and Jay took Bex back to the apartment. One of the neighbours came out as soon as they arrived. Apparently, there’d been a few flower deliveries that they’d accepted on Bex’s behalf. Jay carried them in while Mouse helped Bex to the couch.

“Who are they from?” Bex asked, trying to peer around Kol who was already cuddling up beside her.

“Gimme a sec.” Jay started setting them out on the kitchen table, far out of the way of Kol’s enthusiastic tail wags. “This one if from everyone at the diner.” He showed off a colourful bouquet to Bex who smiled softly at it.

“Keep the cards,” she said. “I want to remember to thank everyone later.”

“Will do,” Jay said, sticking it up on the fridge where they’d been keeping the rest of them. “Okay, this one is from Beau.” He held up a vase full of sunflowers before holding up a smaller one full of red flowers. “And this one isn’t signed. It just says ‘Enjoy your gift.’, but there isn’t anything else with it. Think they mean the flowers? Kind of a weird way to put it.”

“Hunh.” Bex stared at the bouquet, eyebrows scrunching up in thought. “That flower looks familiar, but I can’t—ugh, I can’t remember.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Mouse said, stroking back her hair. “It’ll come to you. In the meantime, we have pretty flowers.”

“There is that.” Bex’s smile didn’t quite reach her eyes and Mouse leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Why don’t you hang out here with Kol and we’ll get dinner ready,” he said. She nodded, sinking back into the cushions, and Mouse made his way into the kitchen where Jay was frowning at the bouquets. “Everything okay?”

“That last one is kind of weird, don’t you think?” Jay had the card in his hands still, flipping it over to check out the name of the florist.

“Some people get awkward with this kind of thing,” Mouse said, opening the fridge to see what they had to work with. “Don’t know what to say and either say too much or it comes out weird, like that.”

Jay hummed noncommittally and pocketed the card. “Alright,” he said, turning to Mouse and peering over his shoulder. “What are we making?”

Heating up a meal from Cindy was the answer to that question because she was a goddess who had sent Chris with a pile of filled Tupperware containers. Enough to last them until tomorrow night at least.

…they really needed to go shopping.

“I’ll hit the store tomorrow,” Jay said, echoing his thoughts. “Start a list, yeah?”

Between the two of them, they got dinner together and out to the living room for Bex. She ate at least half of it which was better than she’d done all week and took her pills without complaint.

Not a peep.

Just said something about how she was tired and was going to get ready for bed. Mouse turned to Jay after she’d wandered off to the bathroom.

“Do you—do you think she’s okay? I mean relatively speaking?” Mouse asked him. “Because she’s acting weird—weirder or weird in a different way, you know? What did Chris say to her?”

“I don’t really know,” Jay said, dragging a hand through his hair. “We didn’t have much time to talk, but he said he just asked her to talk all of this more seriously and to focus on herself more. Focus on resting and getting better.”

Technically, that seemed to be what she was doing now so that was good…

Mouse just couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something off with her, but it was hard to pinpoint what when everything was off right now.

Jay’s phone buzzed and he pulled it out to check the message. “Oh. Wow.” His eyebrows flew up as he scrolled through what appeared to be a whole pile of messages. “Bex! Check this out!” He bounded down the hallway, Mouse and Kol hot on his heels.

“Is someone hurt?” Bex called through the bathroom door.

“No, it’s good news,” Jay called back.

“I’ll be out in a sec.” The three of them leaned against the wall, straightening up again when Bex sighed loud enough for them to hear. “That means go back to the living room and don’t listen to me peeing, you weirdos.”

“Right. Gotcha.” A red-faced Jay led them back toward the living room and flopped back down on the couch.

Bex joined them a few minutes later, a hint of her usual spark as she shook her head at them. “What’s the good news?”

Jay held up his phone and showed them a long string of text messages and photos from Severide. “Sev and a bunch of others from 51 went and fixed up Emery’s place now that it’s been cleared as a crime scene. He says it was Otis’s idea—they wanted it to be all ready for when she’s allowed to come home.”

“Oh,” Bex said softly, eyes filling with tears as she took his phone and scrolled through the pictures of the many repairs the team had done. “That’s—oh, that’s—oh, my god, I love them so much.” She thrust the phone back into Jay’s hands. “Tell them. Tell them I love them and thank you and that we’re gonna make them so many cookies.”

Jay paused in his typing to raise an eyebrow at her. “We?”

“Chris said I need to accept help so blame him,” she sniffed. “And help me make cookies, please.”

“We will help you make cookies,” Jay said, grinning as he finished up his message to Severide.

“So many cookies,” Mouse agreed. He bit back a smile as Bex struggled to stifle a yawn. “Tomorrow though.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Bex said as she lost the fight against the yawn. “We have a good family.” She leaned her head against Jay’s shoulder with a sigh.

“The best.” Jay wrapped an arm around her for a gentle squeeze. He laughed when she yawned again. “Okay. Bedtime for you. Cookie time tomorrow. Deal?”

“Deal,” Bex murmured. She let Mouse help her up with out a fight, leaning into him as they headed down the hall. “You gonna tuck me in, Mouse?” she stage-whispered at him.

“I was thinking about it,” he whispered back.

“Sing me a lullaby?”

“Uh, I thought the plan was to get you to sleep,” Mouse said, making a face. “Not, uh, to traumatize you further.”

That startled a laugh out of her. “Oh, crap,” Bex clutched at her side, groans mixed in with the giggles. “Don’t make me laugh.”

“Shit—” Mouse could kick himself. “I’m so sorry—”

“Stop,” Bex said with a little sigh, leaning against the doorframe to her room. “I’m okay. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine. It was funny. Funny’s good.” She leaned toward him for a kiss. “You’re good.” Another gentle kiss.

“Less kissing, more bedtime!” Jay hollered from the living room.

Bex started to roll her eyes and then stopped, straightening up. “Right,” she said. “Gotta follow doctor’s orders.” She nodded to herself as her smile dropped away.

“That reminds me,” Mouse said, herding her towards her bed. “Dr. Fahir called and she said that not only should you be tucked in, but also snuggled for at least five to ten minutes.”

“Oh, really?”

Mouse fought to keep a straight face as he saw the smile return to Bex’s. He nodded, kicking the door shut behind them. “At least.”

“Well, I am trying to be a better patient.” Bex settled onto her mattress and made grabby hands at him, pulling him to her. “Medicine, please.”

***

Jay

Jay looked over at Kol as a giggle drifted down the hall from Bex’s room.

“Let’s go clean up the kitchen,” he said and Kol was already off like a shot, settling on one of the kitchen chairs to watch Jay do the dishes.

It was actually good to hear Bex laughing like that. Mouse was right—she’d been weird today and clearly struggling for the last few days.

With good freaking reason too.

He knew it was going to take time for her to start to heal and process, but that giggle felt like a good start. It gave him hope that they could get there.

Hope he’d been struggling to find a few days ago.

When he’d been sitting there while Bex was laid out in the hospital, part of him had wondered if they’d ever be okay again. Even now, when he was still for too long, his mind kept going to dark places. Thinking about what could have happened. What they could have lost.

To think that Will could have died or Bex…

We have a good family, she’d said.

And they did. They really did.

Jay wondered if Bex realized what a large part she’d had to play in that. If she knew how their family would fall apart without her. How much they’d break…

He didn’t even want to think about it, but he did because that was what Jay did. Think about his family and the what ifs and how to prevent them.

Because he was going to do everything he could to make sure nothing like this ever happened to his family ever again. He was going to keep them safe.

Any way he could.

Jay put the last dish in the rack and dried off his hands, reaching for his phone.

***

Statesville – Maximum Security Unit

After midnight.

***

Ty

This was—this was fucking bullshit.

Ty pressed a hand against his stomach, watching helplessly as the blood leaked out around his fingers. He wasn’t even sure why he was trying to stop it when he had half a dozen other matching punctures.

“Wait—hnggg.” He fell back against the wall, feet going out from under him, sending him sliding down to the ground. His vision was going blurry, but he could still make out the form of that guard, that fucking guard Mitchell, leaning over him. “Help me…”

“Son,” Mitchell said, lips twisting up in a smile. “You brought this on yourself. Should have left that girl alone.”

“Em?” This was because of her? Who fucking cared enough about fucking Emery to—

The crackling laughter of the guard interrupted his fuzzy thoughts. It echoed through the empty hallway, reminding Ty of how very alone he was right now.

“How many girls you been messing with?” Mitchell crouched down beside him and poked at him with the shiv. “No, you idiot. Does the name Bex mean anything to you? Because she sure means a lot to somebody.”

“Fuckin’ bastard cop,” Ty snarled, jerking back when Mitchell laughed again.

“Oh, you have no idea who you messed with, do you?” he said as he stood, taking out a cloth and wiping off the shiv before dropping it on the floor beside Ty.

Darkness crowded in along the edges of Ty’s vision as he slumped to the side, watching his blood slowly seep out into a growing puddle on the floor. “Wh-who…why…” His eyes slipped shut and the last thing he heard was Mitchell’s footsteps walking away, a phone beeping, and the faint sound of his voice.

“It’s done.”

Click here to read Chapter Five.

Click here to read Fine is a Four-Letter Word on ao3:

And here is the tag list (let me know if you wish to be added or removed):

@sorry-i-spaced, @thegirlwhowishedeveryonelived, @thewannabewriter, @lexhalstead3

@foxes-and-cats, @sensitivemallysix, @emme-looou, @lookingfortherainbow85

[saragarnier]

Away from you pt. 3

pairing: jay halstead x reader

summary: Jay found you in your old apartment, packing all your belongings

Warning: None

A/N: well, i guess i have to write also part 4 now, stay tuned!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

Previous part Next Part

One month passed after you left Chicago and Jay never gave up on you. Every single day, he tried to track your phone with Mouse, he tried to call you, hoping for your answer, and he used his power as a detective of the intelligence to find out if you used one of your credit cards somewhere.

For a month, Jay went home with the hope of finding you there, of discovering that you choose to give him another chance and every day he found himself alone in the house, with all your belongings still there. Sometimes he took out one of your t-shirts to feel your smell again and he discovered that he missed every single part of you. He missed the way you always prepared coffee for him too before leaving for work, he missed hearing your voice, he missed seeing your smile, he missed hugging you and cuddling with you on the bed before going to sleep, he missed your messages during the shift, and he missed searching for you at the Chicago Med every single time he went there for work.

He missed everything of you.

He missed you.

That day, Jay got home earlier after being shot on the job and he wasn’t prepared at all to find suitcases in the Hallway. He looked around and he spotted your ring, the one he gave to you and the one that was his mom’s before, on the kitchen counter, with a note nearby.

He walked towards it, and he lift the note to read it; there were only few words on it.

“Maybe you should give it to Hailey.”

Jay felt his heart skipping a beat, then he looked up when he heard something coming from the bedroom; he silently walked towards it, still shocked by the fact that you were there, you finally came home, and he finally had the chance to talk to you after weeks of silence. He thought he lost you forever and having the opportunity to talk to you was something he dreamed of for four weeks.

When he entered the bedroom, you were trying to grabbed a box that was high in the wardrobe, too high for you to reach for it. You gave up and turned around to grabbed a chair, but you stopped when you finally saw Jay in front of you, few meters away. He was still at the door frame, looking at you like he was actually looking at a ghost; he was skinnier than you remembered, and he looked like he didn’t sleep well for weeks.

You, on the other hand, looked beautiful as always. You were skinnier too but, besides that, you looked good.

“Y/n…” Jay was the first one to talk, whispering your name and looking at how your body reacted to his voice; you shivered at your name being said by him, the love of your life.

Even if you tried hard to forget him, Jay was still the love of your life and you couldn’t forget him or prevented you from reacting this way, especially when he was in front of you, as good as always. He was skinnier and he looked tired, but he was still beautiful to your eyes, even after what he did to you, even after seeing him having sex with someone else. You wanted to scream at him, you wanted to slap him in the face, and you wanted to go out of the apartment as soon as you could, but you were frozen and it looked like you couldn’t move or talk at all.

Minutes passed and there was silence between you two, then, finally, you found your voice again. “You should have been at work…” You said, gulping. “Will said you would have been at work and that the apartment would have been empty…”

Jay finally found the courage to make a small step towards you and, when he saw that you stayed where you were, he made another one, stopping right in front of you.

“I got shot on the job…” he said, lifting his shirt to show her a bandage around his abdomen. “I got shot and they sent me home to rest…”

Even after what he did to you, you couldn’t help but being worried for him; you made a step forward and you placed a hand on his abdomen, worried as hell. “W-What? Did you go to the hospital?”

Jay shivered, feeling your hand on his body. God, how he missed your touch.

“It wasn’t necessary… It’s nothing to be worried about, Sylvie looked at it on the ambulance and said that everything should have been good.”

“What? Didn’t you go to the hospital for a full check-up? Are you crazy?!” You exclaimed, pushing him on the bed and looking at him from above. “Take off your shirt, I’m going to check on you.”

You would have preferred to leave him and leave your apartment immediately, but you just couldn’t leave him there without being sure that everything was okay; you lift your sleeves and you took out the first-aid kit.

Jay tried to repress a smile, but he wasn’t able to. He looked at you, happy to see that you were still worried about him, happy to see that you actually cared about him still, even after what he did to you. Besides, having you trying to help him with the wound would have been an excellent excuse to talk to you before you left forever, because he knew that if you would have left that apartment, it would have been for forever.

He couldn’t let you do it, he couldn’t let you leave, not if he didn’t have the chance to explain everything to you.

“As you command…” He whispered, biting his lips and finally taking off his shirt. The bandage Sylvie put on him had a blood stain on the left side of his abdomen, where he was probably hit. Jay moaned in pain when you cut off the bandage, kneeling in front of him to have a better view and placing both your hand at the side of the wound. It still hurt, but nothing he wouldn’t have been able to handle.

“It went through…” You whispered, looking at the wound carefully. “Didn’t Sylvie talked about putting some stitches?”

“Yeah, maybe…” He whispered. “ She said that she recommended them, but I needed to go to the hospital, and I didn’t want to hear Will talking about how reckless I am on the job…”

“Well, Will’s got a point.” You said, shaking your head and grabbing all you needed to put some stiches. “You’re lucky I have everything I need here with me.”

“I’m lucky I fell in love with a doctor…” He corrected you.

Jay knew that he went too far when he saw your face; he wanted to apologize but he was interrupted by a moan of pain when you started to put stitches on him, not in the painless way possible. You had put stitches on him before and he perfectly knew that you were better than that, but he didn’t complain about it, after all he deserved to be punished for what he did to you, he deserved to feel some pain after how he treated you, after how you must have felt.

“Do not say it again.” You said, without looking at him once. “You have no rights to tell me that after what you did to me.”

You stayed focused on what you had to do, trying to not think about him having sex with Hailey, an image that followed you in New York and that persecuted you every time you slept. You remembered him on top of her every night and every night you heard him saying that he loved her again and again.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered looking at you and smiling when he saw you biting your bottom lip something you always do when you’re focused on something. “I wanted to talk to you and explain everything to you, but I couldn’t call you… I couldn’t find where you were.”

“Because I didn’t want to be found.” You spoke. “And I don’t want to hear anything from you; there’s nothing to explain. You slept with her for God knows how long.”

“That night was the first and the last one.” He immediately said.

“Liar.” You whispered, shaking your head and being rude with the next stich; you heard him moan in pain again, but you didn’t care. You were helping him even after what you did, and he still had the courage to lie to you? you couldn’t accept it. “Kim told me that you left work at 8 pm for weeks and I thought that you stayed at work trying to have a promotion while you were actually sleeping with your partner!”

“It’s true that I lied to you for weeks, but I never slept with Hailey before that night; we used to talk, just talk.” He replied, shaking his head and grabbing your chin gently, trying to look at you in the eyes.

“Do you really think I’m this stupid, Jay?” You spoke, shaking your head and trying to lower your gaze on the wound again. “And leave me, I need to look at the wound if you want to heal properly.”

Jay let go of your chin, sighing heavily and trying to think about what to say. How could he explain you what was happening in his head? How could he explain you for what reason he did what he did?

“I don’t think you’re stupid, y/n…” He whispered softly, looking at you when you finished putting stitches at him. “It’s true that we only talked for few weeks, I didn’t want to cheat on you, I didn’t plan it. I’m sorry, I really am because you don’t deserve this, you don’t deserve to suffer like you do, but you need to know what happened, so please listen to me…”

You didn’t want to listen to him, you didn't want to pay any attention to his words, you wanted to leave and you wanted to come back to New York City and forget about everything that happened here in Chicago, but you couldn’t leave without having a proper explanation. You spent weeks wondering with you had done wrong that brought him to cheat on you.

“Talk…” You spoke, while putting back the first-aid kid. “You have five minutes.”

“Working in the Intelligence is not easy as I want everyone to think… what you see on the streets…” He said, sadly. “I needed to talk about it, but I didn’t want to put all of this on you; I didn’t want to add my problems to yours, especially since I know that working at Chicago Med it’s not easy at all. I didn’t want to add all the problems of my job on you, I needed someone to talk and Hailey was there: she worked with me, she was my partner and she saw everything that I saw. I could talk about job with her and I could explain everything that came to my mind, but I never, never actually thought about cheating on you.” He said, looking at you in the eyes and placing a hand on your cheeks.

“Then why did you sleep with her? Why did you tell her that you loved her?” You whispered, not understanding why he slept with her if that was the truth.

“She kissed me and after that I don’t actually know what happened, it happened to fast. I know that I messed up everything and I have no excuses. That night I was with her because I tried to help a little girl that was kidnapped, but she was shot in front of me and she died in my arms. I was too shocked, it was too much, especially when I had to tell her parents that I couldn’t have save her.” He said, looking down at the floor. “When I told her that I loved her, I was actually thinking about you and, when we finished I… I couldn’t look at her… I came home and I was actually thinking about telling you everything the next morning, but you weren’t there. I was so worried that something bad happened to you that I was out of my mind.”

You listened to him carefully, then you got up and you cover your face behind your hands, confused. What was you supposed to do? Why didn’t he talk to you? Why did he choose Hailey over you? Was it real that he just talked to her for weeks? Was it real that he cheated on you just that night?

You didn’t know what to think, nor what to do, you just kept walking around the room, again and again.

“y/n…” He whispered softly, getting up and walking towards you. He wrapped his arms around your body and he hugged you gently. “I’m so sorry… please, tell me what I can do to gain your trust again. I still love you, y/n, and I can’t lose you. give me another chance and I will show you that I deserved it. Please.”

“I don’t know, jay… i… I don’t know!” You replied. “Let… let me think about it, okay?”

“Yes!” He said, smiling. “Yes, of course.”

Maybe there was still hope for them.

Maybe not everything was lost.

Maybe he could still repair everything.

Maybe he didn’t lose you, after all.

[momentaryescape]

Helpless

Jay Halstead X Wife!Reader Warnings: None? Similar to how Hailey was when Jay left Word Count: 741

You were praying the pain in your heart would stop. That all the hurt you had been through was just a horrible nightmare. But it wasn’t. It was your reality, and you couldn’t just leave it. Piece by piece you could feel yourself shutting down, your walls building high. And for the first Jay wasn’t there to put you back together.

The case you were working on kept getting worse and worse. Following lead after lead, looking into case after case trying to see if there was anything that could get you any closer to solving and closing the case. This was the first case after Jay left, and they could tell you needed him.

 Hailey was the first to realize you were struggling. Offering you someone to talk to, but you didn't want to put anymore onto her. Torres was next, not ging you a choice but to talk. He got you a coffee when you were out chasing leads, and you broke down when he asked if you were okay. He told you that it was okay and he was there if you needed him. Kevin and Kim followed soon after that, then Adam. All trying to offer support. Hank and Trudy tried convincing you to sit this one out, but you couldn't. This was your job, and you needed to do it. You also needed the distraction.

But no matter how hard you tried the loneliness crept in whenever you were alone. His absence in your bed, the one you shared. The smell of his cologne fading from your apartment. Your ring only a reminder that he wasn't there with you. Everything was different without him. Every routine changed.  It was like you were back before you and Jay got together. Except this time he was still yours. You hoped at least.

You hadn’t heard from him since he left. No phone call, or letter. It was radio silence. You knew contact would be scarce, but this felt like overkill. You missed your husband but there was nothing you could do to bring him back.

~

After weeks Intelligence was able to solve the case. You had the next few days off. You stayed in bed sobbing. Finally able to fall apart. You were allowed to be upset, but it felt like you should be happy. Happy Jay was doing something good. But you hated it.  Why didn’t he talk to you? Tell you what he was going through? That he was going back into the military? He felt hurt when Mouse reenlisted, why would he keep that from you? You would have supported him, you just wanted him to tell you what he was going through.

After spending all day in bed crying your throat was raw from the sobs. You made your easy to the kitchen, grabbing whiskey. And while it wouldn't soothe the pain in your throat, it would help distract you, even for a short time. It burned going down, but the burn preoccupied your brain for a minute.

You didn’t have a lot, just enough for a light buzz. Deciding that you needed to try calling Jay you grabbed your phone. You knew he wouldn't pick up the phone, and that your buzz was pushing you to do this. But you did it anyway.

The phone rang until you got his voicemail.

“Hey it's Jay, I missed your call but leave a message and I’ll call you back”

Your voice cracked as you began to speak. “Hey, Jay…It's me. I miss you. I know you are probably busy, but I wish I could hear your voice.” your voice cracked more as you spoke. Tears started falling as you continued. “I’m not doing great with you gone. I keep expecting to wake up and you be next to me in bed. That when I walk upstairs at the station you will be talking to the team from behind your desk. But every day I wake up and that doesn't happen.” You whipped the tears that were falling from your eyes.

“It shouldn't be this hard. I miss you and my world has gone dark without your light. I wish you would come home. But I know that’s not fair to ask, or say. But I need you. I love you, Jay. I wish you would talk to me. Goodbye.” You ended the voicemail and started to sob. Hoping he would come back to you soon.

[crazybagelbitch]

“oh, good, you’re here! hold this.” + Mouse and Jay 💜

this is just straight up silly i'm sorry lmao

Mouse hears footsteps bounding down the stairs into his tech dungeon-- that's what Platt calls it-- and smiles. He knows those footsteps; only one member of Intelligence is willing to risk falling down the stairs like that.

Reckless idiot, Mouse thinks to himself affectionately.

"Oh, good, you're here!" Jay announces cheerfully, before handing him a box tied up with a bow, "hold this."

"Did I forget out anniversary...?"

Jay turns to him, patented glare of sass on his face, "Greg, we've been dating less than a year."

"Whose birthday did I forget then?"

"No one's," Jay sighs, rolling his eyes for show, "it's for Antonio."

"Why are you giving me--"

"Because he'll see it upstairs, and I'm waiting to give it to him at the end of the day," Jay states, as if he's obvious and it's Mouse's fault that he's not following. If it's not Antonio's birthday, why has Jay gotten him a gift? And why does it have to be hidden under his desk until the end of the day?

"It's no one's birthday... but it is the day someone is signing their divorce members."

Mouse chuckles despite himself, not wanting to encourage Jay's behavior but being too amused by it to try and fake having some higher moral ground.

"This box is full of alcohol, isn't it?"

"I love you!" Jay says playfully, winking and then kissing Mouse on the cheek, before bounding up the stairs much like how he had descended them--

--Except this time Mouse hears a crash and an "oww" about halfway up the staircase.

Sorry Antonio, Mouse thinks to himself, I might need to keep this.