#jack sickle

[sylphidine]

[NDU] Insubstantial

Written for Day Five of the 2023 RISE OF THE GUARDIANS Halloween Challenge.

AU: Nightmare Dork University

Characters: Pitch Black/Meta!Pitch, Jack Sickle/Icicle Jack, Piki Black/Wangst!Pitch, Cossimo "Coz" Pitchiner/The Nightmare King, Proto Black/Meta!Proto

Setting: Metaverse/Wardrobeverse

@rotg-halloween

No matter how hard you try, you will never be as good as he is, do as well as he does, garner admiration the way he is admired.

So says the sharp bitter voice emanating from the shadow-clad being that Pitch sees from the corner of his eye, every time he turns his back on the old black wardrobe in the corner of his dorm room.

She died. You kill everything you touch. Part of you is as dead as I am.

The form made of icy spikes and dripping raiment is silent as it stands always just behind him, but Jack can still hear its thoughts and knows them to be true.

He doesn't love you. He'll never stay with you. He is perfect, and you are nothing without him.

The sighs of the creature play a counterpoint tune to the steady "plop, plop, plop" of the detritus that seeps from its viscous robe. Piki knows it's there; it drowns him in its oily embrace as he weeps.

You're a monster, a destroyer, a brute. They've taken everything away from you; you must take everything away from them, a thousandfold.

That's the image Pitchiner sees in the mirror when he looks with eyes half-closed.

Pathetic. Smoke and misdirection. You're nothing but a pale imitation without even a name of your own.

The hum of its voice is almost as electric as the blue of its uncanny eyes. Its shape wavers constantly, cycling through formlessness into possessing far too many hands and far too many claws. Proto resignedly looks back into its gaze, echoing its mixture of fascination and disgust.

Inspired by "Getting To Know You" by @gretchensinister

[sylphmacabre]

Somnos Scherzo

Fandom: Nightmare Dork University, an AU of RISE OF THE GUARDIANS that has become its own subfandom

'Verse - Collegeverse

Characters: NDU Piki Black, NDU Jack Sickle, NDU Pitch Black

Pairings: StageFright [Piki/Jack]

Rating: General

Summary: The sleeping habits of Piki Black, hyperbolic playwright.

Notes: If you are wondering what the devil Nightmare Dork University is, and what it has to do with either the movie RISE OF THE GUARDIANS or the GUARDIANS books by William Joyce, please visit the NDU 101 page on Tumblr and its accompanying tags. It's a wild and woolly ride involving four different versions of Pitch Black and a very different version of Jack Frost, all of whom either room together or "fraternize" in a college / university AU. And let's not forget a taxidermied ferret named Mr. Pickles.

Originally posted on Archive Of Our Own on May 15, 2016.

A clinical observer would note that Piki Black succumbed to sleep in sections.

He did not snore, precisely, but his breathing had a sharp difference between inhale and exhale, a staccato rhythm on the upbeat of air leaving his nostrils which would then fold in upon itself as he more softly took air in.

He would most often lie on his left side while sleeping alone, his left hand tucked under one of his two pillows, his right arm wrapped around himself, his right hand grasping his left shoulder.  Occasionally the right hand could be seen to twitch, opening and closing spasmodically.

Once Piki’s breathing settled into a more even pattern and his arms relaxed, there would usually be some erratic scissoring of his legs, with the occasional backwards rabbit-kick, before he gave in to letting sleep take him entirely.

==================

Jack Sickle liked to sleep on his right side.  Piki had noticed that, the very first time the younger man had stayed over at the apartment of iniquity his brother shared with the brute and the horror.

His Jack, his dear, dear Jack, was worth any sacrifice.

So for years, both before and after Jack moved in with him, Piki ignored the constantly pinched nerve in his arm and the eternally pulled muscles in his neck that were a result of him sleeping curled around Jack, while both slept on their right sides.

His leg movements diminished until they barely happened at all, since Piki seldom now descended into utter relaxation.  How could he, when he had all of earth and heaven too in his embrace each night?

The dark shadows under Piki’s eyes deepened more and more during each year that he and Jack lived together, but he brushed aside Pitch’s concerns about sleep deprivation.

==================

Pitch stayed in Piki’s room on an airbed for a full two weeks following Piki’s breakdown, after Jack left.

Never the deepest sleeper himself, for the first ten nights he watched his tormented brother insist on sleeping on “Jack’s side” of the bed.. on what was, in his opinion, the wrong side.  Pitch observed Piki repeatedly try to mould his body to fill an imaginary hollow, contorted into a space that covered barely a tenth of the surface of the mattress, right on the edge and perilously close to falling on the floor.

On the eleventh night, Pitch awoke to hear Piki shifting restlessly.  Keeping his own counsel, he pretended to be asleep himself until the rustling ceased, and then ventured a look over to the bed.

Piki was lying flat on his back, in the center of the mattress.  Tears were leaking from beneath his closed eyelids, as they generally did every night, but tonight Piki’s breathing was deep and even; he was finally, finally sound asleep, and looked more peaceful than he’d been in ages.

Pitch felt his own eyes fill, briefly.

==================

New bed with a double bookcase headboard, new sheets, new pillows.  

A night-table for each of them, rather than both of them sharing Piki’s.

A new double reading-lamp light fixture for over the bed, with switches on each side within easy, independent reach.

Reading aloud to one another became their nightly ritual.

Some nights they slept back to back, Piki on his left side, Jack on his right.

Sometimes Jack curled around Piki, or let Piki pillow his head on his chest.  

Jack never minded the occasional kick in the shins, since he knew that it meant that Piki was actually on his way to a good night’s sleep.

[jack0boi]

halloween gatitos!! dressing up as the fearless hero and his villains :] cortez is already puss's clone, solana is dressed as her favorite uncle, and maya is jack horner, just because they get to eat pies this is also a DTIYS on my insta! with art prizes sjnfsjhdf

[bklynmusicnerd]

Just because you have Joss say that her keeping things from Trina has nothing to do with their friendship, doesn't actually make it true lol. Either she trusts Trina or she doesn't. If that's her best friend, and Joss has always possessively declared that she is, then she should have no problem being transparent with her about the important stuff in her life?

Again, they're always forcing this power dynamic crap that just makes Joss look like a weird friend. It undermines whatever Trina and Joss' friendship is supposed to be when they do this. And it's not even rooted in any history that makes sense because Trina has never betrayed Joss' confidence while Joss has a pattern of betraying Trina's.

[sylphidine]

never enough coffee shop AUs, in my opinion.

Perhaps I’m inserting too much AU into NDU (lies, there is no such thing), but I just really wanted to write a coffee shop AU, shhhh. 

Read More

[yew-yew]

headcanon alarm: they’re talking about their scars

headcanon alarm 2.0: Karkat have scars from…fighting with his lusus??? and game??? and…other things.

P.S.: About Karkar: jagged scars from his sickle and lusus. smooth scar on his stomach from Jack

[araminakilla]

Regarding Death Wolf...

Hear me out (NO, it's not the kind you are thinking)

We know Death has a job, right? To collect souls and most likely release them to the afterlife.

And for this job, he has to be there when somebody is about to die, as demostrated with him being there moments before Puss' eight death.

Supposing he is THE Death and he has been doing this since the beginning of time (or at least when there were enough stories of the Grim Reaper to adquire a physical form) that means he has seen a lot, A LOT of awful things.

Murders, suicides, massacres, death of infants, people who didn't deserve to die alone, animal cruelty, some other heavy stuff I won't mention here, etc etc etc.

And we thought "man, how is he able to cope with all of that? That job has to be utter torture for someone."

Probably many of you could think that he is able to do that because he is Death, and he was "born" with that purpose and only him can reap souls perfectly.

But while he is a force of nature, he also WAS a force of nature. Let me explain it well: He adquired a personality enough to be angry, excited, frustrated, amazed, happy, among other emotions.

While he has supernatural power and is most likely the most powerful being in the Shrek Franchise (or in Dreamworks as many say) he is also a PERSON.

Someone with a code of honor, morals, opinions, beliefs, etc.

Returning to the question "How can he bear all of that?" taking into account he is no longer an inevitable force, but a character of his own.

The answer is something you may relate to, and that is: Creativity and escapism.

To be the embodiment of Death, the guy is a very creative fella.

First of all, his design. I heard many people saying here and in Twitter that his design is something they would come up in their edgy, teen years of drawing their first fursona.

Guess what? They are right, the wolf form is someone's fursona. It's DEATH'S fursona. He clearly came up with this badass, piercing canine form to blend with the Fairy Tale Land assuming the form of the "Big Bad Wolf". He most likely had other forms he designed over the centuries and was able to present as them like if he were on a role play game in the living world.

His sickles? The weapon of choice with the little crossed cats on it to have a bigger effect of terror for Puss? Those who can become knuckles and join to create a scythe? Those are his creation, probably after thinking it for a while and writing all of those functions on a paper.

The way he presents himself? In the bar? The coins in his eyes as a "watching you" sign while being a cool reference to the Ferryman of souls? He transforming Perrito's forest into the background of a skull? The chilling reveal at the Cave of Lost Souls? The fire ring? It was all him.

As for the escapism part...

When the world becomes too heavy to deal with as real life issues tend to make us feel bad, depressed, angry... we tend to escape it somewhere. And in our time the common place would be the internet as in webpages or comics, stories, etc.

But what has to do with Death Wolf you may ask?

Well, while he would NEVER be able to escape his job entirely, he can have moments where he can enjoy a good hunt of people who don't appreciate life, like the whole plot of the Puss in Boots sequel could demostrate.

He managed to have a little time outside his eternal routine to chase an arrogant cat who took life for granted. He enjoyed it, it was thrilling, it was exciting.

It was a way to escape a monotonous, grim "life", if just for a short moment.

So, when the chase ended as his prey no longer feared him and now was ready to fight for his last life, the wolf retreats, happy for Puss' character development but resigned because he once again had to return to "The Eternal Duty"

And that's not even counting all the times Jack "I'm dead inside" Horner had to interrupt Lobo's hunt and remind him of his job even in his "spare time"

Death knew the chase had to end eventually, but he didn't want it to end.

He didn't want to return to his own world

And if we look at Death like that, then he is probably one of the most relatable characters Dreamworks has ever make.

In the Shrek Franchise:

Monsters can be loved

Princesses don't have to fit the perfect standards of beauty

Handsome guys can be possesive jerks

Love at first sight doesn't work like one would think

Happily ever afters had to be built and not just obtain them with magic

And Death is the most creative and "full of life" being in the world

Because he would absolutely go crazy with his life/work if he wasn't.

Because in a world of Kings, Poets and Soldiers, he's the Supreme King

And he's also a perky goth but none of you are ready for that conversation.

[sylphidine]

[NDU] Wormwood

Written for Day Two of the 2023 RISE OF THE GUARDIANS Halloween Challenge.

AU: Nightmare Dork University

Characters: Jack Sickle, Pitch Black, Coz Pitchiner, Proto Black

Setting: University days. Takes place synchronously with events in I CAN SEE YOUR GHOSTS.

@rotg-halloween

“I d-do think the color is - is pretty,” Jack offered as a way not to be left out of the conversation. 

It was a rainy day in October, and Jack had come over to the flat to bring back Pitchiner’s old Freshman History notebook that had come in handy for Jack’s midterm exams.

Pitch and Pitchiner had just finished shouting down Proto’s suggestion about setting up a corner of the apartment’s pantry to distill some homemade absinthe. Now all three of them turned to stare unbelievingly at Jack, having forgotten he was there in the first place.

He blushed at the sudden attention. “I saw a v-video where you were supposed to be setting sugar c-cubes on fire?” Proto tilted his head at that. “Hmmmmm, anyone we know?”

Jack didn’t dare answer that. He knew that Proto knew that there was no video, that it had been a stunt of Piki’s to impress Jack, and a technique Piki had learned from Proto.

Pitchiner gave a half-snort, half-laugh. “Hey, nobody told that there'd be pyrotechnics involved. Maybe we should reconsider?” He elbowed Pitch.

“NO.”

“Aw man. Guess I’ll just have to look it up on Youtube for myself.”

Pitch got up and headed towards his room, throwing the barbed comment over his shoulder as he went, “If you really have a pressing need to see green fairies, dear, I remind you that Halloween is in two weeks.”

Months later, as Jack listened to the snow falling outside the apartment window, he found himself telling a chemically-altered Proto a ghost story that Jack used to tell his little sister Emma about the green winged women that lived on the other side of the flat green nightlight plugged into her bedroom wall.

The entranced look on Proto’s face both soothed Jack and made him miss Emma more than ever.

Inspired by this post from @ask-piki-black

[sylphmacabre]

Somewhere Deep Inside Of These Bones

Fandom: Nightmare Dork University, an AU of RISE OF THE GUARDIANS that has become its own subfandom

'Verse - Collegeverse

Characters: NDU Piki Black, NDU Jack Sickle, NDU Brunhilde, EBU Jack Frost [mentioned]

Pairings: StageFright [Piki/Jack]

Rating: General

Summary: Piki cluelessly does the right thing for Jack for ENTIRELY the wrong reasons.

Notes: Based on a prompt from @bowlingforgerbils If you are wondering what the devil Nightmare Dork University is, and what it has to do with either the movie RISE OF THE GUARDIANS or the GUARDIANS books by William Joyce, please visit the NDU 101 page on Tumblr and its accompanying tags. It's a wild and woolly ride involving four different versions of Pitch Black and a very different version of Jack Frost, all of whom either room together or "fraternize" in a college / university AU. And let's not forget a taxidermied ferret named Mr. Pickles.

Originally posted on Archive Of Our Own on November 2, 2016.

The front door buzzer sounded at 3pm over the intercom in Piki’s flat; he nearly tripped over his own feet in his rush to buzz Jack in.  He cast a quick glance behind him, to make sure Brunhilde was still asleep in her sunny spot on the window seat, before opening the apartment door and waiting for Jack to round the curve of the staircase to the second floor.  

Now *that* was an unfamiliar expression to see on Jack’s face; Piki thought he knew all Jack’s reactions intimately.  Shy, sweet, nervous, enthused, sleepy… but this… smouldering rage?  It did not sit well with the playwright, and he was mentally cataloguing the ways he could commit justified mayhem on the person who had made his dear one angry.

But, he reflected, justified mayhem could be VERY time-consuming, and that would mean time spent away from Jack.  So, with a silent sigh of regret, Piki turned his attention towards getting to the root cause of his beloved’s distress.

“Jack?” he inquired softly as he waved the young blond man into his living room.  “What’s wrong?”

The angry look faded into an almost sheepish smile.  “It’s n-n-nothing, really, Piki.  My cousin was supposed to have met me after class to help me with a project, but he never… he never showed up.”  Jack sat down gingerly next to Brunhilde, buried his chin in his chest, and started to run his hand over the recumbent Siamese cat’s back, The stroking action seemed to require all his attention, almost as if he did not want to look his boyfriend in the eye.

Piki tried not to visibly shudder at the mention of the Anti-Jack, and instead concentrated on the rest of what Jack had said.   He lowered himself into the armchair across from the window seat… near enough to be supportive but not so near as to be intimidating.  He queried gently, “What kind of project, if I may ask?”

A few moments passed before Jack blurted out, words tumbling over one another too quickly for his stutter to catch up, “We-used-to-act-out-Nightmare-Before-Christmas-when-we-were-kids-and-I-wanted-to-do-it-as-a-skit-for-my-education-class…”

Piki nodded in what he hoped was a reassuring manner, his own mind racing again towards thoughts of revenge against the one who’d let his darling down.  He snapped back to attention as he heard the desperation and, yes, actual anger in Jack’s voice, words coming out more slowly and softly, but still rushed.

“…but now he’s always hanging out with that p-professor and the project is due next week and I still have my Zero costume and I need someone to be the Pumpkin King - “

Realization dawned.  In one fluid sequence of motions, Piki bounded off his chair, knelt before the startled young man on the window seat and enfolded him in his bony arms.  He murmured soothingly, “Stop, Jack, hush, of course I’ll help you, of course I’ll be your Pumpkin King…”

Brunhilde lazily lifted her head at the interruption to her petting, and flopped resignedly back into sleep.

And that was how Piki found himself, five days later, dressed in a snazzy pinstriped black suit with a bow tie shaped like a bat, his head encased in a mask, in a brightly lit classroom in front of twenty-five small humans who were fascinated by his long spidery hands and the way he could throw his voice as he sang “Jack’s Lament” for them..

He did not want to even CONTEMPLATE what Proto would demand as recompense for helping with his costume, nor did he want to remember Proto’s silent smile when Piki was foolish enough to ask where the costume had come from at such short notice.

The sweet timid smiles that Jack-dressed-as-Zero kept shooting at him during the skit were reward enough.

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.7 K Warnings: MAJOR ANGST / I’m about to angst you with an angst that you’ve never been angst with before. Prompt: Vixen believes she's in the middle, and she hates the idea of stopping any of her boys from being happy. This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it

Chapter 53: Too Much Love Will KiII You

How would it be if you were standing in my shoes? Can't you see that it's impossible to choose No, there's no making sense of it Every way I go I'm bound to lose

The day went by as you’d expect. James didn’t take long to also walk upstairs and join the three of you in a poker game that Remus had taught you how to play. Cards weren’t that big in the wizarding world, especially not poker because of how easy they were to enchant and how hard they were to charmproof. But Remus had managed to charm his deck with a spell so riddled, it would take more time than the one you had in one game to actually crack it. 

Besides, neither you nor did any of the boys want to cheat. Not when poker was so godric damned entertaining, and certainly not with how fun it was to see Sirius lose to you, James and Remus all the time. He couldn’t bluff, even if he wanted to. 

It’s not that Sirius was a bad liar per se, in fact, if he played against anyone other than you three (even against Peter who had always been a little absent-minded) he would have easily tricked them, unfortunately for him, his two best friends and his girlfriend were too good at uncovering his inner intentions. 

It was in the little twitch of an eye, in the way he put effort into trying to maintain a straight face, in the way he would look you in the eye or avoid it. 

“Raise,” Sirius said and placed another sickle into the money cauldron you had placed on the bed. The four of you were sitting. James had pulled out a chair, Sirius was sitting by Remus and you were on the other side of the bed, where you made sure no one could see your cards.

You gave Remus a look, he shook his head. “I fold,” you said. 

“Me too,” James agreed, he hadn’t seen Remus and your interaction, Sirius’ face had been enough, he could almost smell the confidence oozing from his friend.

Sirius smiled as he brought down his cards, three Aces. It had been a brilliant move to call it, Remus had called earlier, since he’d gotten a meagre pair of threes, and you had two jacks, but there was nothing on the table to help you besides that. 

Sirius smiled and brought the money to his side, letting the little bronze coins twinkle and be a mess in his lap while Remus sighted. His and yours were neatly accommodated in stacks. “‘Nother round?” James asked as he munched on some popcorn that Mellie had brought. You had some chocolate on your lap and you opened the package. 

“Mhm,” you agreed, you were about to give a bite to your chocolate when Sirius leaned over Remus’ legs and beat you to it, “Oi!”

He turned to you with a pair of puppy eyes and a little pout. You sighed in disbelief and then he leaned over and pressed a short kiss to your lips before he pulled back. You were startled by his sudden action, and your eyes almost instantly turned to Remus, whose gaze was fixated on Sirius as he munched on the rest of the chocolate and picked up the cards to shuffle them. 

You swallowed, you hated the butterflies in your stomach because no matter how delighted Sirius’ kisses made you feel, you knew they were making your best friend upset. You bit your lip as you looked at them both, at the way Remus attentively looked at Sirius’s hands. It was easy to justify such a stare, he wanted to make sure Sirius wouldn’t cheat, but you knew the real reason behind it. Sirius had nice hands, you had stared at his hands before, and damn he was dexterous with them. 

“You’re doing it wrong,” James said, and took the cards from Sirius’ hands, Remus broke his stare and looked up almost nervously, meeting yours, you offered him a soft smile and turned to James who had made a mess of the cards. You bit your lip trying not to smile and picked Sirius’ wand from the side, waving it over the mess, the cards floated and then neatly arranged themselves on a stack. 

“Thanks, Vix,” he said, taking them in his hands before he proceeded to shuffle them. Once he was satisfied enough with the shuffling, he started to deal. You got a card first, then Sirius, he handed one to Remus and then he pressed one over his lap.

By the time James finished dealing the cards, you had already taken a look at your stack, and it took a great deal of effort not to let your eyes shine when he placed the first card from the stack onto the table. Good game. 

This one drew out for longer, either everyone else had a great stack, or they were bluffing, so you had to pay attention to them, James seemed slightly nervous when you raised for the third time, and he swallowed before placing money on the cauldron. Remus looked confident, but you’d recently gotten a lot better at reading him, and you didn’t think he actually had a great game. 

As for Sirius, the three of you already knew he was bluffing, which is why perhaps the two other boys were still raising you. Sirius had an overly confident smile on his face, but he had not stopped tapping his finger over his knee since James placed the second card on the table. You thought it was adorable that he hadn’t quite realised what he was doing yet either.

“Raise,” you said. 

Sirius placed more money on the centre along with Remus and you. James called at that point, not revealing his game yet, but placing his cards on the bed with a rather defeated air as he grabbed a fist of popcorn and brought it to his face. 

Remus raised along with you. Sirius threw a nervous look at you, taking in your confident stance and taking in a deep breath. “Raise,” he said, a challenging look on his face. 

You placed a couple more coins in the centre without much thought. Remus did the same, enjoying the tension between you and Sirius. You were eyeing each other in such a solemn manner that it was hard for him to hold back a laugh. Even if he lost, it didn’t matter at this point, he just loved your little concentrated faces. 

“All or nothing?” Sirius said as he swallowed. 

“Sure,” you said.

“Vixen that’s–” James said when he realised what you were about to do, he wasn’t sure Sirius was bluffing anymore. But you were.

“Shhh, you’re out of it, Prongs,” Remus said as he too pushed his stash onto the table.

James tilted his head to the side and looked at the three of you nervously. “Well then, show your cards,” he urged.

You took yours but then Sirius stopped both you and Remus by placing his hands on your arms. Remus gave his hand a look and you turned to him with a frown “I raise again.” 

“You can’t raise again, all the money is in the pot,” you said matter of factly. “Well, the cauldron,” you added as you pointed at the pile.

“Never said I’d raise with money, Étoile,” he responded. Sirius was in the deep end. He had a pair of fours and a bunch of other useless cards. He had to get you to fold somehow. “Whoever loses, stays shirtless for the rest of the day.” 

“I can’t really take off my bandages,” Remus said as he threw Sirius a look. 

“Fold then,” Sirius answered with a satisfied smile.

“Twat,” he responded and threw his cards into the bed. “You don’t have to comply with it, Luv. Sirius is desperate.” 

“You’re out of it, Moons,” Sirius retorted and turned to you with a daring look. 

“Shirtless, the rest of the day?”

“You’re more than welcome to fold if you don’t believe in your hand, that is.” 

“Sirius I don’t think–” James started but Sirius threw him a look. 

“Fine,” you smiled. “Whoever loses has to stay shirtless.” 

Remus groaned and covered his face with his eyes. He knew Sirius was bluffing, but he wasn’t sure if you were bluffing too, and he had seen Sirius shirtless plenty of times, he wasn’t sure he was ready to see you shirtless though. “Little Witch, can you never back down from a fight?” 

“Nope,” you said with a smile. “I’m confident in this one.” 

“Yeah, well me too. I raise you again–” 

“Shut up Sirius and show your cards now, she’s not going to fold and I don’t need people walking naked in my house,” Prongs said. 

Time for showdown, you thought as you looked at Sirius and placed your cards on the table. He knew he was doomed the minute he spotted your king, a perfect match for the one on the bed, not to mention the three queens beside him. 

“Fuck,” he said as he left his card on the bed too. “I thought you were trying to bluff.” 

“Vix is cunning, but no one in her right mind would have accepted your stupid raise if they didn’t know they were gonna win,” James said.

Sirius sighed and took off his shirt and threw it your way, you had also seen him shirtless a couple of times, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t look good, even if he was thinner than both James and Remus. You pulled his shirt from your face and smiled when you realised it was the Bowie shirt he liked to wear all the time. 

Sirius placed both of his arms around his torso, the chill of the open window was enough to make him shiver, you took the cauldron with money and placed its contents into your front pocket, you hadn’t thought just how useful the overalls would be when you bought them. 

“I’m keeping this one,” you said as you motioned to his shirt, he gaped at you. 

“That wasn’t the deal!” 

“Was it him or me the one that decided to put clothes into the pot?” you asked, turning to the two other boys as you did. 

“I think it was Padfoot, wasn’t it?” Prongs teased.

“I’m most definitely sure it was him,” Remus agreed with a smile. Sirius groaned in response. 

“I’m not a petty winner,” you said as you untied the jumper you’d been wearing from around your shoulders and threw it his way. “Take this, we don’t want you to freeze. 

Remus tried not to laugh at the face Sirius made when he caught the jumper and held back a smile when Sirius put on his jumper. Sirius didn’t steal his jumpers as often as you did, he always had his jacket around, and Remus would be lying if he said seeing Sirius wearing his clothes didn’t make him feel stuff.

 “Doesn’t look bad on you,” you teased. 

“Doesn’t smell as bad as I thought it would,” he retorted. “You’ve been wearing it for days.” 

You gasped at that and pushed him lightly. Remus turned to pick up his deck while you and Sirius continued to bicker and really tried not to eye Sirius again. 

Sunday, January 9th, 1977

Remus had stayed on the bed and both you and Sirius had turned into your animagus so you could fit alongside him, it was undoubtedly comfortable, almost like things were settling back into normal. But of course, they were not normal, and they couldn’t be. Not after everything that had happened. Not now that you knew things that you weren’t supposed to know. 

You had woken up at some point during the night, and you tried to ignore the pang in your heart when you noticed Sirius had turned back during the night again, and he was nuzzling into Remus’ shoulder in the same way you sometimes nuzzled into yours. You weren’t sure he looked nearly as comfortable in your arms as he did in his.

You stared at the two of them for a minute before you turned your head and wrapped your tail around yourself. Trying to find comfort in its fluffy embrace, as you swallowed. You really had been too blind, it had been there all the time. You’d taken pictures of it, you’d thought it was funny and adorable, you teased Sirius for it for fucks sake, how did you not see it before?

It had always been right in front of your eyes. You weren’t sure you had ever felt more stupid. Remus was asleep, but he somehow sensed your stirring on the bed and instantly placed his hand over your back, gently brushing his fingers over your fur, like he had done so many times during those nights when you could barely sleep back in his parent’s cottage. 

He was the best friend you’d ever had, and here you were, making him miserable, making both him and your boyfriend miserable. Feeling terrible over it, you jumped down from the bed and allowed yourself to lay close to the fire. Trying not to think how nice it had been that one time when Remus had walked right beside you and wrapped the two of you with the covers. You really didn’t deserve him, you didn’t deserve to cry on his lap, not when you were the main cause of his heartache. Not when you were the one impeding his love to come into fruition. 

Perhaps you really were as terrible as you had said yourself to be back then when you could only think about what you’d done at the Christmas Party. Remus had convinced you otherwise, but he was probably wrong. It had all been your fault, and your mother was dеad and the person you’d tried to save hadn’t even made it out alive. You really had made everything worse, and perhaps you were doing that here too. 

Perhaps that was something inherent to you, something that you couldn’t shake out. Perhaps you just carried misery with you in the same way James carried fun, Sirius carried love and Remus carried comfort. Maybe you had been cursed and you didn’t know about it, maybe it was the fae blood, cursed for mixing with wizards. 

“Hey, what’s up?” James asked as he sat beside you. 

You turned to him surprised, turning into your human form as you looked at him startled. “Did I wake you?” 

“No, I was going to the bathroom, saw a little fox moping the corner.” 

“Not moping,” you said with a frown. “It was cold.” 

“And I’m as brilliant at potions as Dad,” he responded sarcastically. Then pushed you slightly with his shoulder. “Is it about Christmas? Do you wanna talk about that?” 

You sighed, “It’s not,” you said honestly. “Not entirely at least.” 

“Then?” 

“James, if you loved two people, and you knew they loved each other, would you step out of the way and let them be happy without you?” 

“What kind of question is that?” he asked with a frown.

“Just something I read in a book,” you lied. 

James turned to you as if assessing you, but he couldn’t tell what was going on in your head, you just looked at the fire, and then leaned your head on your knee as you turned to him, “So?” 

“Do you really think those two people would be happier if they were together?” 

“I don’t know,” you replied. “But the main character knows they could never test their love if they’re in the middle.”

“Well, I guess I’d leave. Wouldn’t you?”  

“Even if you love one of them?” 

“Didn’t you say it was both?” James asked, confused.  

“I mean– yeah. Just not the same kind of love, I guess.” 

“What kind of book are you reading?” James asked with a frown. 

You tried not to panic, “It’s a muggle book, Russian, and very cheesy, you wouldn’t like it.” 

“What did the main character do?” 

“Haven’t read that part yet.” 

“Well, I think he should do the right thing, don’t you?” 

“Probably,” you said as you let out a long sigh. James was now bouncing his leg right next to you. “Weren’t you going to the bathroom?” 

“Yeah,” he said as he stood up. “Just wanted to check up on you, I’m glad you’re upset over a book and not something else.” 

“Yeah,” you said with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes, perhaps if there had been more light, and James wasn’t as blind as a Wilddeoren without his glasses he would have noticed. “I guess I got really invested.” 

Finally, he left towards the bathroom, you turned back into Vixen and returned to the bed, staying near the side rather than climbing back onto Remus’ chest.

When you woke up again, Sirius was looking at you with a smile. “Ready for the party?” 

“Isn’t that in a couple of hours?” you asked. 

“But it’s going to be so much fun! Monty said we could raid his alcohol stash as long as Effie didn’t notice.”

You smiled, if James was as much of a troublemaker as he was, it was because both Monty and Effie took turns to allow him to do stuff without the other noticing. He’d learned how to fly when he was five behind Monty’s back, and he’d been allowed to drink since he turned 14, behind Effie’s. 

“How nice of him,” you replied. “What’s for breakfast?” 

“I think he's preparing some pancakes for us. James and Remus are helping.” 

“James is helping?” 

“He’s good, you’d be surprised,” Sirius said with a laugh. His teeth gleamed as the beam of sun from the window fell on his face. You allowed your head to rest on the pillow as you looked at him. He was stupidly pretty. You were about to lean closer to him when Picksie approached a few feet behind Sirius. 

“Master Fleamont says the food is ready,” She said with her squeaky little voice. 

It was hard not to laugh at the face Sirius made, he knew he was getting a kiss before she appeared, but after a defeated sigh he stood up and extended his hand for you to take, “You’re coming, Étoile?” 

The hours flew by a lot faster than you expected. James was absolutely thrilled about Lily coming over to his house for the first time and he didn’t shut up about it all through breakfast. Effie seemed keenly interested in meeting the girl –officially– and Monty was a little worried as a dad who had utter confidence in his child. 

You were all sitting in the living room, already changed into party clothes, that being a simple skirt, the shirt you’d won at poker (to rub it on Sirius), and a jumper Moony had thrown your way when he saw it was snowing again. Remus and Sirius were playing magic chess while you read a book and James had dozed off on the couch just next to you –he’d been trying to read a book to impress Lily and it wasn’t going that well. 

Sirius was looking at Remus as he made his next move, the taller boy had both of his arms folded over his chest and was biting his lip as he drew all the scenarios in his head. There was a softness in his gaze that you hadn’t noticed before, something akin to admiration, but so much more than that. He realised you were staring and he shot you a wink. 

“Horse F5,” Remus said, and his horse moved to break one of Sirius’ pawns into pieces. 

“Were you just waiting for me to get distracted?” Sirius scoffed. 

“Well, it’s not my fault you were looking at Vixen while I decided to make a move,” Remus responded with a shit-eating grin. He had, indeed, been waiting.

“Jerk,” Sirius complained and turned back to the chessboard.  His tower was just a few blocks from the horse and he could destroy him, but Remus had made sure to move his horse near one of his pawns. If Sirius took revenge, he would lose his tower as well, and this time he’d be losing to a pawn. He huffed and made a different move. 

You looked at the two of them after that, just paying attention to the way they played, at just how comfortable they seemed to be around each other. You hated it, not how happy they were, that was delightful, it filled your heart with joy to see them smiling and joking around. 

Both of them –although one had a loud personality– had a gloomy atmosphere that they seemed to carry along at all times. While Remus tended to be quiet and reserved, and Sirius played jokes to mask his feelings, both of them had a sort of dolefulness deeply embedded within them. You’d seen it when you looked at them in the halls and when they had been apart from the rest of their friends for a while. 

You noticed when they were around James it lifted, and how could it not? James’ personality was warm and welcoming enough to melt even the most frozen of people, but even that, was nothing compared to what you were seeing just now. The way they joked, the way they talked, it was absolutely fascinating how much they cared for each other. 

And then there was you, you made them happy too, you weren’t stupid enough not to notice, but it was when they were both together that that dolefulness seemed to lift almost completely from their shoulder as if it never had been there in the first place as if there had never been a tragic backstory burdening their minds.

What you were too stupid to see back then, was that whenever you saw that, the magic that seemed to be almost buzzing through both boys as they chatted and joked together was that even though they were interacting with one another, you were also in the room. 

John Berger once said, "Every spectator is a participant”. And really, without your participation in such scenes, the result wouldn’t have been the same. The perfect atmosphere that you seemed to admire so much, the peak of mood that made your heart ache for their longing for each other, was only there because you were there too. 

But with the thoughts clouding your mind, with the things that had happened in Christmas and with the self-loathing that you couldn’t shake no matter what you tried, no matter how many people called you brave, you were far from seeing the truth. Too wrapped up in your inner turmoil, in your own struggle to think of yourself as anything other than chaos, that you were far closer to worrying yourself to dеath with despair than from seeing the truth so clearly displayed behind the dull fabric of self-hatred you’d placed over yourself.

You thought you were so smart, and yet you were about to make a move more stupid than the King to C6 that had gotten Sirius straight into the checkmate Moony had been cornering him into the entire game.

The bell rang, snapping you out of your thoughts, you turned your face towards the door and left the glass you had in your hand near the table where Remus and Sirius had been playing wizard’s chess. James had dozed off on the couch and rather than waking him up, you thought of attending the door yourself. 

Marlene was on the other side of the door, hair shorter than it had been before, and a huge smile on her face when you were the first thing she saw. She rushed to hug you. “I’m so happy to see you’re here,” she said with a sigh. “You know I’m on your side, right? Always.” 

“Have they been talking about me on the papers?” you asked, not wanting to hear the answer, but asking anyway.

“Your father talked to the press,” she breathed, “he said you… he said you ran away from home after your mother passed and he said he was looking for you and hoping you came back home soon. That’s what your mother would have wanted. It also sounded a bit like you had been partly to blame for the fire.” 

You held back a sad scoff. He wasn’t saying anything that wasn’t true. Except he had omitted the fact he had tortured her, and forced you to find a distraction. “Of course, he would,” you sighed. “At least Dumbledore knows what actually happened.” 

“You– trust him?” 

“He might not have whatever happens to us in his best interest, Marlene. I know he cares about stopping them more than anything. But… we’re fighting for the same cause… and I think he cares, even if it’s just a little.” 

“The war…” 

You sighed and then shook your head, replacing the strained expression you had with a smile. “But that’s not why we’re here. We’re celebrating a new year and we’re not going to dwell on the sad stuff, now while we’re together.” 

Marlene seemed hesitant about your quick change, but upon realising it was your only way of coping, she nodded and mirrored your reaction. The moment she walked into the room she went straight to wake James up and told him off –jokingly– about being a terrible host and letting his guests do all the hosting for him. 

Poor James looked so confused the minute Marlene showed up that he stood up and got everyone snacks and something to drink. Slowly but surely the house started to fill up with your friends. Mary and Lily came together since Effie had gone to get them so they could all apparate back in the house, Tom arrived by Floo and Beth rode a broom since she didn’t leave too far from the Potters. 

It really was more of a small gathering than a party, only the close group of Gryffindors had been invited since James’ parents were still hesitant about the entire thing getting too big and accidentally ending up with dеatheaters at their doorstep. But it was perfect, nonetheless. Seeing your friends was lifting up your spirits. 

Lily had gone straight to hug you when she arrived and the boys wouldn’t stop teasing James about it, he was clever enough to retort Sirius’ comments by reminding him that you had once said you were into redheads and he was the one that should be worried. 

“If we start dating, you can just date each other,” Lily added to the joke to which James made the face of someone who was actually considering it and Sirius made one disgusted. 

“That would be like dating Regulus,” James said and got shoved by Sirius who said something about being more handsome than his brother. 

Still, you didn’t miss the way Sirius’ gaze flickered, looking for Remus who was talking to Mary in one of the corners. You took a deep breath after that and thought –stupidly– the only solution to the thoughts currently tormenting you, would be alcohol. You walked towards the improv drink section they had created and poured yourself some of the ice vodka James had snatched from Monty’s stash. He’d charmed the flask so he could fill an entire bottle inside and gave it to you when Lily asked him to dance. 

You debated on whether to add anything else and decided against it, although it tasted fantastic with Mellie’s lemon juice (you had tried it last night when the boys convinced you and Remus to play Monopoly again but this time wasted so they had a better chance of winning– Remus won anyway).  But you wanted the punch the drink would give you more than the taste. You downed the glass like a shot and served yourself another bit, this time actually adding the Lemon Juice. 

“How come you’re not all over Sirius?” Tom asked as he approached you. “He looks incredible today.” 

You huffed in response, taking another sip of your cup, and mumbling a short “I know.” The problem was, Remus knew too. You had seen him gaze at him more times than you could count. He had gazed at you too, the skirt you chose to wear not helping him with his rather active imagination, so instead he tried to look anywhere else. He did not want to be a perv, let alone be caught checking his best friend’s girlfriend out. 

“You okay?” he asked, confused.

“Yeah, yeah,” you responded with a sigh. “I’ve been thinking too much, I think.” 

“Want something to think less?” he asked as he took out a small flask from his front pocket. Not big enough for alcohol, but certainly big enough for a good potion. 

What a terrible idea that was. “What is it?” 

“New creation, been working on it over the break. Kind of like the potion at Halloween but with a few tweaks here and there.” 

“Is it good?” 

“Haven’t tried it yet… So, you want it?” 

You had a mission, you had to figure out what to do, not that you wanted to have that mission, and not that you wanted to figure it out either, every choice seemed like the wrong one, every turn and you’d hurt someone (yourself included). You were tired, you just wanted things to be like before… before you knew. 

Selfish, a small voice in your head shouted, that’s selfish.

“If you knew two people were in love, and you were in the middle of it. But these are two people who are basically made for each other, and they’ve known the other for longer than they’ve known you, would you step out of the way?” You asked him, eerily similar to what you’d asked James in the middle of the night. Perhaps more perspective could help you.

Tom pulled the flask back into his pocket and gave you a confused look. “What are you talking about?” 

“Nothing,” you lied, snapping out of it. “A book I was reading… The potion?” 

He placed his hand on his pocket, then on his back pockets. “Sorry, Slysprite, I must have misplaced it.” 

“I really could have used some of it,” you added with a laugh. And that was exactly why there was no way in hell Tom would give it to you, he was tempted to take the beverage from your hands as well, but he was half scared of what an angry you would do, so decided to leave that to someone who was way closer. 

“I think Remus is looking for you,” Tom said as he pushed you towards him and left you on the sofa next to the boy. “Mary, darling, care to dance?” 

She smiled and grabbed Tom’s hand, leaving you and Remus alone. Sirius was off playing potion pong with Marlene, although they hadn’t actually used any potions and were using booze instead. 

You let your head fall on the back of the sofa, sliding a few inches down and sighing. Remus leaned over your frame to give you a better look while ignoring your skirt and how much it had ridden up. “Are you okay?” he asked, concern laced in his tone. He grabbed the cup from your hands and brought it to his nose, smelling the contents before wincing. It was more vodka than lemon juice. “How many of these have you had so far?”

“Not that many,” you replied, which wasn’t a lie. “I’m not drunk.” 

“Yeah, I know,” he said simply. “You’re… upset. Is it the party? You want to leave?” 

“No, not at all,” you said. “I love seeing everyone happy. Did you see Prongs and Lily? I’m pretty sure he strategically placed mistletoe all over the doors so he could steal as many kisses from her as possible. She seems as delighted as he is.” 

Then why do you look upset? Remus thought, not wanting to ask yet. 

“You sure?” he asked as he poked your cheek. 

You opened your eyes, first just a little and then you focused on him. He looked concerned, very concerned, you could tell he cared about you an insane amount. It made the guilt even stronger, here he was, so concerned over you and your pain while you were constantly causing him heartache. Both of them had to steer away from the other because of you. 

You smiled. “You know I’d go to the ends of the earth for you, right?” you said as you placed a hand on his cheek, brushing one of his scars with your thumb and holding him in place when he was taken aback by your words. 

“What?” 

“I want you to be happy too.” 

“What are you talking about?” he asked as he took your hand from his cheek and held it in his, a frown etched on his beautiful features. Even now, you were causing him pain.

“Nothing,” you said. “I know… I know what’s making you so upset, I’ll stop that.” 

“What?!” Remus asked, a hint of panic in his voice that brought you back to reality, away from his hypnotising brown eyes and puppy-like gaze, you didn’t blame Sirius, you couldn’t blame him. In the same way, you couldn’t blame Remus. 

“Nothing,” you repeated, this time more dismissively than before, “I must have had too much to drink… you want some?” you added as you looked for the glass that was now on the table, took it in your hands and offered it to him. 

Remus frowned and took the glass from your hands. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Hmm?” you asked, turning back to him, Sirius had been looking at the both of you with interest. You would have to talk to him. “Yeah, totally. You know Tom made a new potion.” 

Remus sighed when he heard that. Now things made sense. You weren’t lying. You knew Remus could sometimes smell a lie of yours from miles away, so you decided to tell the truth. Tom had made a new potion, you never said you had drunk it. 

“I’ll get you some water,” Remus said as he stood up and walked towards the kitchen. 

Sirius was already there, looking through James’ secret snack stash to find something salty, he was really craving something salty. “Is she okay?” he asked. 

“She drank something Tom made,” Remus said simply. “I think she’s okay, just saying some weird stuff.” 

“Like what?” Sirius quipped curiously.

“Some nonsense about making me happy,” Remus responded, he’d taken a glass from the cupboard and was now filling it on the sink. 

“Mhm?” Sirius asked as he pulled a bag of fizzing whizbees and turned to Remus. “Maybe she’s just thankful for everything that you’ve done for her lately, wants to make it up to you.” 

“There’s nothing to make up for,” Remus said simply and caught the small ball Sirius had thrown his way with his left. “What’s with this?”

“You look like you need some candy,” Sirius said as he took a step closer to Remus. “You’re kind of pale.” Sirius was now so close to Remus he could see the freckles that hid beneath his scars. “Maybe you should eat a bit more.” 

Remus took a step back. What was with you and Sirius? Both seemed to have this unworldly desire to touch him today, he could barely find a way to run away. 

“I’m perfectly fine,” Remus said and plopped the fizzing whizbee on his mouth, he started floating shortly after. “Fucking hell.” It was more of an exasperated curse than anything else. 

Sirius laughed, reached for Remus’ hand and pulled him down. Ignoring entirely how well it felt to have Remus’ hand in his. “Didn’t think you’d eat it,” he said with a short shrug, still not letting go of Remus’ hand. 

“Maybe you should talk to her instead,” he said, turning back to the sofa, but you weren’t there anymore. He frowned.

“Care to share?” you asked. Remus turned to you with a mortified expression and snapped his hand away from Sirius, floating back up for a second, until he coughed a couple of times and went back down. 

Sirius looked at Remus diverted, and smiled even further when he handed the glass of water to Sirius and excused himself by saying he needed to go to the bathroom. You looked at Sirius, at the way his eyes trailed behind Remus before fixating on you. He had never looked at James like that. He had never looked at any of his other friends like that. In fact, you might dare say, the only person he had ever given than look, was you. 

He then walked towards you, there was a table in between the two, but he extended his hand with a small red ball towards you. 

We should talk, you thought as you took what he offered. 

Rather than taking the candy to your mouth, you placed it on the table and turned back to look at Sirius. He was as beautiful as always. Long lashes, stunning grey eyes, hair curling around his face in that angelic and yet somehow devilish look he had going on. 

His gaze was as lost on you as yours was on him, but while his thoughts were filled with you, yours were filled with suspicion of the feelings you knew he harboured for someone else. You rounded the table to walk right in front of him and took the glass of water from his hands before bringing it to your lips. You took a long and gentle sip before pulling it down again and looking at Sirius. 

“You like him, don’t you?” you said, voice steady, somehow steadier than you’d thought you’d manage.

“What!?” Sirius asked, confused. There was a hint of panic in his voice as if he knew he’d been found out but was trying to hide it anyway. 

“Remus,” you said simply, as if it were the most natural thing ever –it was.

You saw him tense, and you smiled, reassuringly in return. “It’s in your gaze, Sirius. You look at him the same way you looked at me when we met. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice?” 

He placed both hands on your arms, shaking you to look at him instead of the door. Desperate, Sirius was desperate. “But I don’t love you any less.” 

You smiled, a sad sort of smile that Sirius hated to see on your face. But he hated himself more for hurting you, for making you feel like you were not enough, for allowing you to see how desperate he was for love that even when he had it, he craved more of it.

“I’m sure you don’t,” you said, placing your hand on his cheek. He leaned into it instantly. Like he did all the time. Almost brushing his head onto your hand. There was a conflicted frown on his soft features, tears threatening to form. “Hey,” you said simply, he leaned his head onto your shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have… I should have been better at hiding it, you must think I’m the worst person in the entire universe.” 

“Of course not,” you said as you scratched his scalp the way you knew would calm him. “You just fell in love.” 

“With my straight best friend,” he said. “Just…” he sniffed. “I’m sure I’ll get over it. It might just be my way of discovering I’m like you and Tom.” 

“Bisexual?” you offered. 

“Yes, that,” Sirius didn’t dare to say the word. “I’m sure Moony’s just an outlet, I can’t be in love with him, I love you.” 

You swallowed, he wasn’t making it any easier. You really didn’t want to do it, you hated the idea of losing him, but he deserved to be happy, they both did. “He’s not straight.”  

“What?” he asked. 

“He’s not straight,” you repeated. “Remus, he… he likes boys too.” 

Sirius pulled his head from your hand and looked at you with the most bewildered expression you had seen on him, “What?” 

“More specifically, he likes you.” 

“No,” he said as he shook his head. You nodded in response. “What about Alice?” 

“He started going out with her after Halloween, remember? What exactly were you doing on Halloween?” 

“I was dancing with you and–” it seemed like Sirius had seen things from the outside for the first time ever. “Merlin! He did it because I was– Because I was with you.” 

“And your sudden urge for kisses?” You added, your eyes were watery, you had to take deep breaths to hold the tears back, to stay calm. You’d analysed most of your interactions together by now, everything you remembered. Sirius had liked Remus for far longer than he’d even realised he had. 

“No, that wasn’t the reason. I wanted to kiss you.” 

“I’m certain you did,” you said with a smile. It was that same sad smile you had been prompting since the start of the conversation. 

“Look at me,” Sirius said as he shook your shoulders again. “I love you. I love you and you need to understand that. I’m not going to leave you for him. No matter how incredible he might be. No matter if he likes me. I love you.” 

And you knew he would. But it wouldn’t be worth it, it wouldn’t be fair for any of you. You’d told Remus you would do anything for him. He had saved your life, he had cared for you when you were hurt, and he would have gone to the ends of the earth to make you smile. How could you pay him back if you tied Sirius down to you? When you tied him down knowing he liked Remus too? 

“I know,” you said reassuringly. And you did, you never doubted Sirius’ love for you, it was just as undeniable as his love for Remus. Sirius had such a big heart, he could love and love and he deserved all the love, all of it. He deserved Remus’ love. And you weren’t sure he’d ever be able to enjoy it if you were in the middle of it. You wanted him to be happy, you wanted both of them to be, even if it was in each other’s arms, and not in yours. 

Sirius pulled you into a kiss, desperate to show you how much he loved you. You kissed him back, but you were soft and tender in comparison to his desperate breaths. Sirius realised too late the kind of kiss you were giving him. 

“Don’t do that,” he said as he pulled away. 

You rubbed your thumb over his cheek. Sirius was terrified now. Terrified that the one thing he thought would happen if you found out would actually happen, that you would leave him. But in this case, you weren’t leaving him because you were mad, you didn’t even seem angry at all, it was more like you wanted to step out of the way. 

“Stop it,” he repeated, now petulantly, almost like a child. “Don’t be good, don’t be the hero. Be selfish! Be selfish, be selfish for me.” 

The more Sirius talked, the harder it was for you to continue. You wanted to be selfish, you wanted to keep him, but not at the expense of other’s pain, not at the expense of Remus’. Remus and Sirius needed love, and you could only make them both happy if you allowed them to give it to each other, or so you thought. 

Sirius leaned in to kiss you again but this time you moved your mouth out of the way, placing a soft kiss on his cheek instead. You could feel the wet hot tears dampen your lips as you kissed him. At first, you weren’t sure who they belonged to, but you had somehow managed to hold yours in this far. 

Sirius whispered your name as he gripped onto your shirt, bunching it up in a futile attempt to hold you. “Please,” he begged. “Please don’t do this. I don’t want him, I will never want him. Please-” 

“If only we could choose our nature,” you sighed. “We said we wouldn’t lie to each other, remember?” 

“Please,” he pleaded, every muscle on his face turning into the most evident show of agony.

Sirius had never begged to a woman in his entire life, he was ready to go down on his knees and be as pathetic as he needed. Whatever means he had to do to convince you to stay. To not leave him for being so stupid. To not disappear again. You placed both of your hands over his, gently pushing them off your shirt, and pulling him into a hug. 

He relaxed as you dug your head into his neck and inhaled the delicious scent so particular of Sirius Black. And then you said it. “Go after him, Sirius.” 

He looked at you like you had betrayed him as you pulled apart. He tried to hold onto your arm but you were quicker to move it out of his grasp. Turning your back to him and walking towards the door. 

“I love you more. I will always love you more. It’s just a stupid crush, I’m sure it will–” he stopped. He didn’t believe that either, there was no way he’d trick you. You kept walking towards the door. “Please don’t leave me,” Sirius said, tears streaming down his face. “I don’t want to be alone.” 

You staggered, the tears you had fought so hard to hold were now streaming down your face, you held back a sob. You didn’t want him to know you were crying too, you wanted to spare him the heartache. You thought of turning around, you thought of running to hug him and tell him things would be all right, telling him that it didn’t matter, that you’d find a solution that made everyone happy. But you knew you were lying to yourself. Remus wouldn’t be happy if you were with Sirius and Sirius wouldn’t be happy if he couldn’t be with Remus either. It was best to step out of the way before it was too late. 

Before you wouldn’t be able to pull away even if you wanted to. You could barely do it now. 

You took a deep, trembling breath and then willed your mouth to still again before you spoke, “You won’t be alone, Sirius. Go and talk to him.” 

Sirius’ despair had now transformed to anger, he stalked your way and made you turn around in a harsh movement so uncharacteristic of him and the way he touched you all the time that you looked at him with shock.

“I’m not going to let you run away from this like you’ve been running away from your pain ever since Christmas!” 

The harsh truth. Spit into your face with the anguished face of the person that– probably the person that you loved the most. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, tilting your head, “I can’t help you.” 

“Tell me you don’t love me, and I will stop. I won’t look for you. Go ahead, I dare you.” 

Sirius had never been one to keep his temper cool, it was easy to get a rise out of him and you had often done it for fun. Never had it been real, never had you seen him so angry, so wrecked. You were doing this to him. 

Your lips trembled. You hated this, you hated causing so much pain to him. You were trying to make him happier, couldn’t he see? 

Of course, he couldn’t. Sirius would never fathom a life without you as a happy one. They were an antithesis to each other, and there was no way he’d ever be happy if you weren’t there. If you and Remus weren’t there. 

He wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t go to him if you didn’t do it. You bit your lip, gaze flickering. Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Remus. He was talking to Lily, she was laughing and he had a smile on, but it wasn’t a real one, he was upset. 

Maybe because you and Sirius were in the kitchen together doing god knows what. Your quivering stilled, your choice had been made easy. You knew what you had to do, and while the pain that Sirius’ broken gaze gave you was unbearable, much worse than cruciatus, you knew, just like that time, why you had to take it and why you were willing to do it.

 “I don’t love you, Sirius,” you said, slow, carefully articulating every word, trying to spare them of the feelings you had stuck in your head, of the words desperate to come out: I do, I’m lying, don’t listen to me, I’m lying. “I stopped loving you the second I figured you had feelings for Remus.” 

“You’re lying,” Sirius said unconvinced, voice trembling. 

“I’m sorry,” you said tilting your head to the side. “You should talk to Remus, though.” 

You somehow managed to slip from his grasp and walked towards the stairs. You wiped your tears away, and you were so busy with your task that you didn’t see Remus as you bumped into him. He looked at you, concerned visible in his features the second he realised you had been crying. 

“Hey,” he said. “Are you okay? Did something happen?” 

Yes, he deserved to be happy. You swallowed thickly. “Sirius was looking for you.” 

“What?” Remus asked, confused. 

“Go talk to him.” You added with a smile. “I’m okay, something got on my eye.” 

Remus seemed hesitant and then turned to look at the kitchen door. Sirius seemed as upset as you were. As sad and terrified as you looked. He turned to you again, as if trying to ensure he could go instead of staying with you. 

“But–” 

“I said: go.” The way the words echoed in your brain was disorienting. What was more, was the fact that Remus’ worried stance seemed to dissolve into oblivion as he turned around and walked towards Sirius. When you noticed his blank stare you gasped, covering your mouth with your hand when you realised what you had done. 

You couldn’t have, it was impossible. You didn’t have the ability you... Remus kept walking towards Sirius without so much of a glance back. 

You had used charmspeak on him

It'll drain the power that's in you Make you plead and scream and crawl And the pain will make you crazy You're the victim of your crime Too much love will kiII you every time

Series Masterlist | Next Chapter

TAGLIST: @rayrlupin @callmelovergirl @warcelia @ireneop @endversewinchester @moonyunebi @smuttysluttybitch @mazzymoons @drugs-for-memes @sofiacblair @vmpir3lvr @remuslupinisbae @rabluver @willgrahamisalesbi4n @thatobsessedreader  @itskailey24 @hell0-kittie @belovedmoony @blacksgarden @loving-and-dreaming @cassie-love20 @starchaser-lily @zucchini-queenie @springflwer07 @sseleniaa @cometsghost @orkwardx0 @imdoingbetternow  @sbrewer21 @remuslupinsbae @maxinehufflepuffprincess @wifiatthetrainstation @unstablereader @msblacklupin @simpkingollie @jaylienpotter @remussbitch @hermionelove @izuoyarmin @themarauderswife7 @keira-kaz2y5 @lampthemacarenagod @bugg06 @a-n-1-m-3-f-r-3-4-k @darlingeels @kissmeunicornbaobei @xluansstuff @boo8008 @angelmixer @voteforintensedreams @allons-y-molly @aremuslupinsimp @imaginexred @writingshae @nyanwyn @poetrypirate @crazyhorseforgot @saturnhas82moons @ryeyeyer @mothraantics @maqqiekwon @desikudisworld @pastelorangeskies @barking4you @profoundpidgeon @nagareboshi-chiyo @x4ramyluv

Leave a comment telling me if you wanna be tagged on Gilded Constellations

Want to support me? Like and reblog this post (reblogs are extra nice since they help me get my work to more people), also guys, I absolutely love reading your comments, so do throw them my way if you have any!

A/N: Well that was something... I shed a couple of tears (many) while writing it, but you know what this means? The worst of the angst is about to pass and we're finally gonna have the fluflly fluff <3

Read more Marauders Fiction

[steelstreqq]

pov i revive an old project from 2021 because i watched one sorry boys video

this is the 'rustout au', its a combination of TWD, fallout 4, and rust but i shoved silly block men (and ted nivison) in it. essentially its a zombie apocalypse au that takes place at some time in the 80s or 90s following a nuclear fallout that occurred due to undisclosed government activities with foreign global superpowers. none of the normal civilians really know why the nukes went off and only a few of the most wealthy in the community really were able to get down to the bunkers in time

there are a ton of characters i want to include in this au, but considering i made this in the peak of the dsmp fandom i have to be kinda careful to not pick out any ccs who are still a part of dream's posse.. :pensive:

so far, the other characters in this au who aren't displayed here are fundy, techno, philza, bizly, grizly, condi, connor, jack, eret, and a few others i cant think of rn >_<

some character information below ^-^

WILBUR G. SOOT - the widowed father to fundy. wilbur lived in a house in a suburban neighborhood with his teen aged son before the nukes went off. once the initial fallout occurred, will and fundy had an argument about where they should shelter. the day after the argument, wilbur awoke to find fundy had completely disappeared. grief stricken at the loss of another family member (under the impression that he was the reason fundy had 'ran off'), wilbur risked his safety to search for his son, traveling from settlement to settlement. he hated himself and blamed himself for his son's disappearance. by this point, he wanted to lie in the dirt and rot with the corpse of the land below him

TOMMY ZA - the adoptive son of phil, a single child. tommy was at school during the blasts, thus he was separated from his father. he and the rest of his school were ushered to the basement following the explosions to protect them from fallout. when given the all clear, tommy ran down barren streets to find his way home, and never did. too frantic and unable to navigate his way properly, he became stranded and lost. the crushing anxiety of being alone seemed to summon a taller man with a guitar case from a local town. he had found himself wandering into tommy's neighborhood. and therein, an alliance was formed.

"RANBOO" - ranboo is a mysterious creature who doesn't really appreciate questions about his history. tommy and wilbur found him a month or two into constructing their own settlement. ranboo was found uncomfortably asleep in a cramped car not far off from Dome. he was rudely awakened with a violent mugging from tommy. wilbur caught up to the shorter brit and apologized for his actions, suggesting that ranboo could stay at their camp as compensation for the troubles that tommy had brought to ranboo. ranboo reluctantly agreed and now is a part of the dome's settlement. tommy speculates ranboo is secretly a mentally mutated creature-freak-thing and must be put down immediately, ranboo just wants to eat dinner in peace.

CHARLIE SICKLE - charlie is the latest member to join the settlement. the former front man for the hit pop group Roll With You. during an england tour, the nukes went off and front man charlie had been stranded during his burger lunch break. separated from the rest of his band mates. charlie has faced deterioration in his mental state due to the stress of surviving during such a gruesome time period. by the time wilbur finds himself at the receiving end of charlie's gun, he is already unhinged. wilbur manages to talk charlie into submission carefully, and decides to see if he can form a fragile alliance with charlie for some sort of twisted protection. charlie agrees, as he is so *sick* of being alone. charlie simply insists he is just a silly billy, everybody else thinks hes clinically insane

DOME- dome is a passive settlement founded by wilbur soot to bring in local survivors and give them a small and safe community to rebuild humanity. although this is a large goal in such a hostile and dangerous situation, tommy gives wilbur hope to keep going. who knows, maybe while scouting for survivors, they could stumble across phil or fundy

TED - ted is a serial killer, plain and simple. hired by schlatt to be a bodyguard after the fallout, ted had escaped his cinder block hell to essentially be a guard dog thanks to the nukes. it turns out prisons arent explosion-proof. ted is silent, he doesnt speak much, but he has a clear cut focus on what he wants. when he does speak, he talks clearly and normally. mostly, about his travels with his good buddy 'eddie nine pins', whom he apparently did everything with before getting caught

J. SCHLATT - schlatt is a larger than life business mogul, the ceo of a handful of companies that produce clothes, products, music, etc. hes an incredibly creative and intuitive man who knows how to get what he wants. he is the forefront leader of his settlement in the bunker. schlatt is falsely married to quackity, both of them agreeing to commit marriage fraud when they initially entered the world of entrepreneurship as it looks better and improves both of their charisma in social situations. their 'marriage' is entirely superficial and loveless, purely for aesthetics

A. QUACKITY - you might say quackity is a strange last name, he'd tell you to mind your own business and call you poor in two different languages. quackity runs a small 'medicine' dealing business on the surface. in exchange for fancy goods and food, quackity will give out medicine to needy survivors with no real idea of what any of it does. indirectly, quackity has killed 15+ people with his medication and harmed countless others. he doesnt feel bad, as long as he gets something out of it. he's been spoiled by his previously lavish life and just can't stand to let it all go

TOBY "TUBBO" SCHLATT - tubbo is the adoptive son of schlatt. while schlatt opted to adopt tubbo purely for aesthetics, just as he did with his marriage, he ended up getting somewhat attached to the little guy (and so did quackity). adopted at the age of 13, tubbo was quickly exposed to the inside mechanisms of business, the lying and cheating that goes on behind the retina and he has no interest in becoming a mogul like his father. rather, he opts for weapon studies and collecting a massive arsenal of different types of guns and bombs. tubbo sees the fallout as more of a playground than anything, being able to collect and test as many 'toys' as he wants. tubbo and tommy have crossed paths on several occasions, wherein they both will have a bit of a scuffle until theyre tired, then sit and talk. they consider each other friends, and neither of them know of the conflict between schlatt and wilbur

THE BUNKER - the bunker was once a safe haven for the one percent in england, but only a week into shelter, everybody was slaughtered. quackity and schlatt performed a hostile takeover of the bunker for no greater reason than the fact they wanted more space and more liberties. theyve now claimed the entire bunker as their home, and they want to see how far they can expand their power and control.

if youve made it this far, thx so much for reading it means the WORLD to me.. ill be posting abt this au alongside my other projects like claymore hills and the sanatorium au (which also was a 2021 thing!!)

heres a playlist i made for the rustout au if anybody is as interested in music as i am

thanks sm again, likes and reblogs are both appreciated ^-^ asks are open and heavily encouraged if you wanna know more :DD i know dsmpblr is a little dead but maybe mcytblr might like this, u never know if u dont try so ill take shot in the dark ^-^

note: NONE of these characters should be confused with the CCs. they are loosely based off of real interactions and projects but are entirely FICTIONAL in this universe. i do not support the actions of content creators such as dream, george, sapnap, punz, and many others associated with dream thus they will NOT be in this project. thank you.

[bklynmusicnerd]

The way Trina and Joss will be so close to having a sweet besties moment and then these writers will muck it up by trying to force a power dynamic on a friendship is really something. Cause was Joss adding that "because I say so" after the nice "because you're you" really necessary?

I knew they wouldn't be able to maintain the magic the temps did when it came to writing Joss as a realistic friend but it still hurts to watch them fall right back into the crappy friendship writing patterns.

[lonelydiary]

8.Poet

Lena's favorite poet was always Shakespeare. She did enjoy some of foreign poets as well, such as Pushkin, Neruda, Lorka, etc. But Shakespeare's sonnets were her absolute favorite. Wich was the cause of neverending tease by Sam, Andrea and even Jack, friendly tease of course. What was said by Lex thought, or her other classmates in the boarding school was...not so friendly.

When she first got a little piece of paper in her lunch box, which Kara was so kind to give her secretary to transmit to Lena, because you need to eat, Lena, a cup of coffee is not a food! - she was confused. Inside was a little poem. A Shakespeare sonnet, to be exact.

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate.

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer’s lease hath all too short a date.

She was shunned. How did Kara know? Did she read her diary? Did someone tell her about Lena's favorite poet? Later Kara's said that it is her favorite poet as well and also this poem reminds her of Lena. And if the brunette blushed and also cried a little at home, she will never confess to anyone.

When they were fighting, one evening, just after their talk about villains and hard choices- Lena had found a piece of paper on her table, when she woke up next day. It said:

When my love swears that she is made of truth

I do believe her though I know she lies

And nothing more.

It was like a gunshot to her chest.

But her favorite piece of poetry, she received from Kara, was the piece, she heard on their wedding.

Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth’s unknown, although his height be taken.

Love’s not Time’s fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle’s compass come;

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

Perhaps there were tears (happy tears!) after, hugs and many many kisses with her most amazing wife afterwards, Lena will never confess. But maybe, just maybe, these poems are right sometimes.

[ominousvibez]

based on that weird dream i had except i made him a more purple/violet color like my ninjago oc anya

BASICALLY the dream is that danny was gonna Fully Die but clockwork intervened and gave him a chance at a new life in a different world, completely over from scratch. he ended up keeping his memories of his past life but because the worlds are so different the only things that were handy were like. science and math he could remember since physics mostly worked the same. he was born to two parents, john and maria mortis (they weren’t named in the dream but i decided to keep their names close to jack and maddie hehe >:3)

he ends up keeping some of his powers still-- invisibility and intangibility, which he has to re-learn from scratch, and also he can see and interact with certain shades and echoes left behind from living people (which are different from ninjago’s version of ghosts, these shades can’t interact with the world and are completely passive, but they are immune to water).

eventually he ends up in S0/S1 of ninjago training with the four core ninja and his weapon was technically a spear or staff thing but i decided that a set of kama were a cooler weapon-- they’re mostly japanese farming sickles but they are used in some katas in different martial arts in southern asia so i thought they were cool. didn’t wanna draw them tho

there’s more information i could write but there’s so much here already that maybe i should Chill out

[guiltygearconfessions]

axl has been training with that dual chain sickles since before he had time travel powers right???? imagine getting into a street fight in a back alley and a jacked brit pulls out fucking sickles and starts swinging them around. so fucking awesome

-

[lumdays]

😭😭😭😭😭 OLD‼️

(sorryyyyy siyun is Unfortunately a wip Still)

chat is this real!!!

relationship charts + fun facts utc!! (sorry it's a lot of yapping)

- siyun and malleus met the same way novel!yuu (yuuya) and malleus met except siyun didn't take too kindly to him using magic on them. they had beef for a while and it settled into Respect, Sorta

(translation by @/yuurei20)

- siyun is the janitor (refused nrc studentship from crowley) so they've met a few of the students before their ingame appearances (jamil, ruggie and. jade)

- almost killed grim the first time they met

- leona often just grabs their ankle when they're passing by his spot in the botanical garden. he either makes them fall or uses them as a pillow, depending on his mood and the clothes they're wearing (if it's their regular nrc uniform then it's eep time, if it's the janitor uniform he's making them fall on their ass)

- it's not that vil isn't ambitious, it's just that siyun isn't all that interesting of an investment in the first place. so when his first few attemps didn't work, he gave up on them. they're not enough of an eyesore for him to fix anyway (also their reception to his ministrations were pretty hostile, epel bias)

- the first time epel and siyun ever met, they stood up to vil for him and all he felt was. Shame. wow, the magicless janitor is stronger, braver than him. he's. so. thankful (it's ok they magishift it out🔥🔥🔥)

- the light magic thing is uhhhh Lore Stuff, siyun has a strange connection to blot and that same connection makes them recoil at light magic (not the users themselves. Usually)

- THE ROOK AND SIYUN (onesided)BEEF!!!!! rook spreading l'amour et la beauté and forcefeeding them cheese (someone said rook is like aoyama's cousin and that's wonderful to me) meanwhile siyun is devising a hundred and seven evil plans to take him down. he chases them down as much as he does beastmen and siyun has taken to returning the energy by throwing increasingly sharp objects in his general direction (they miss by a mile cause their aim sucks ASSSSSS also their eyesight is shit but they have Bigger Problems rn)

more seriously though, rook's compliments and flattery may Mostly be in good faith but he makes siyun feel. Less Than Human (more so than they already aren't)

- if you couldn't tell, i have a huge freshmen/yun found family bias and they are Everything to me. they all think siyun's crush on jade is absolutely nuts (ortho is maybe a Little less unconvinced but he joins in with the others cause it's fun! yun gets it).

after a while, they start getting mad at other students who litter or trash the school cause it means more work for their fuckass janitor🔥🔥🔥(personally i think jack + maybe deuce are already the kind of people to pick up after other people's trash when they see it LIKE NOT ALL THE TIME, THEY’RE NOT SAINTS BUT. yea. meanwhile sebek is ABSOLUTELY the typa guy to YELL at people who litter)

- jamil and siyun were pretty good friends before shit went down in book 4, at least in siyun's perspective. it's not obvious on the chart but it actually took them a shit ton of time to actually make up and be friends again (for real this time!)

- the nrc staff and siyun all agree that crowley is public enemy number 1 (some more playfully than others read, siyun hae) but yea they all got SOMETHING against him. in siyun's case, he used a similar kind of magic as malleus first thing when they got out of the coffin and it got them tweaking really bad because they're kindaaaaaaa allergic to magic (should’ve mentioned this earlier but i forgor

taglist (tell me if you wanna be added or removed🔥🔥):

@twistedwonderlandshenanigans @distant-velleity @sickle-stick @elenauaurs @heyhellohihowareyou @skriblee-ksk @angelwishess