#j-hope fan fiction

[taleasnewastime]

Starting again

Summary: Two years out of studying to have a baby, only your first few weeks back and it’s already not going as easily as you thought. A babysitter you can barely afford dropping out last minute, you have to take your little girl into the lecture with you. What follows isn’t smooth, but it’s the start of you getting closer to your professor, a man you’ve always admired from your seat, but you learn to get to know up close.

Pairing: Hoseok x reader

Genre: Adult student/Professor, single parent, fluff.

Word count: 11k

Warnings: Though this is a student/professor dynamic there isn’t an age gap and nothing happens when they’re in this different power dynamic, talk of sickness, idk I don’t think there’s much in this.

Authors Note: Another single parent fic. Two members down, five to go ...

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I only just found out myself, and you know I’ve dreamed of this. I really wish I didn’t have to –”

“It’s fine Billie,” you cut the rambling girl off with a sigh.

“I really would take Daisy if I could, you know I love looking after her, it’s just –”

“I get it Billie,” you cut her off again, annoyance seeping into your tone. She’s explained long enough, and you really don’t need to hear any more. Before she can speak again you keep going. “Thanks for the call to let me know and enjoy the concert.”

You hang up halfway through her goodbye. A deep sigh leaves you as you try not to slam your phone down on the kitchen counter.

Maybe you’d been too rash hanging up on Billie, but god has she thrown you in the shit. She was supposed to be here in ten minutes to look after your nine-month-old Daisy. Not that she was the most amazing babysitter ever but was a teen and cheap and was usually someone you could rely on.

Just not today it seems.

It’s still only the start of term, the first one back after having a year off to have unexpected Daisy, your final year before you graduate. It’s trial and error. You knew there would be bumps in the road to this, you’d just hoped they wouldn’t have come this early in the year and certainly not so soon to when you’re supposed to be leaving the house.

You’re supposed to be in the car in ten, no, nine minutes. Billie is supposed to be here now.

Mentally you go through your contact list. Your parents live hours away, your best friend in work, your sister on holiday. You could call up a sitting service but you don’t need to check your bank to know you can’t afford that. You can barely afford Billie, but that was a cut in your budget you’d managed to make. A neighbouring teen who’s taken a gap year, unsure what to do with her life and agreed to take on looking after your kid while you go to lectures. She could do with the cash, you needed the help, you thought it’d be the perfect match till now. There’s days Daisy goes to nursery, but with the bankrupting prices you limited those to the days you’re in work.

You’re down to seven minutes as your head flops onto the table. You take a second to compose yourself, to get your mind back in order.

There’s a small gurgling noise from your right, it’s enough to bring you back into the room, to make you lift your head from the table.

“Hey baby,” you whisper, mind slowly clearing as you look at your little girl. “Billie can’t make it.”

You look at your baby, all gummy smile and dimples, still has little hair even at nine months old. She makes another gurgling noise, slamming a clenched fist onto her highchair as if in response to your comments.

“I know,” you say, voice still chipper despite your feelings. “What we gonna do?”

You move towards her, put your arms out so your hands can reach under her arms. She’s heavy for how small she is, but she’s still utterly perfect. You bounce her on your hip as you look around the room, mind still trying to calculate what to do.

“You might get to have mummy home with you today,” you sigh.

You’ve yet to miss a lecture since you started university, before or since Daisy and though you know it’s not the end of the world to miss one, you pride yourself on managing everything. Your daughter, your job and university. Missing a lecture somehow feels like you’re failing somehow, like if you miss this one it’ll be a downward spiral. You know kids do it all the time, a lot probably only turning up to half their lectures and still getting first class degrees.

Daisy lets out another gurgle and then a small laugh.

“I know,” you coo. “How exciting is that? Mummy home on a Tuesday!”

A false happiness seeps into your tone, the last thing you need is Daisy picking up on how annoyed you are. Even so Daisy lets out what sounds like a less joyful murmur. You bounce her a little harder on your hip, eyes darting to the clock, you still have three minutes to work something out.

“Or you could come with me?” You whisper.

Daisy lets out another happy chortle and you look down at her.

“You like that idea, huh?”

Two more minutes. You need to make your decision now. It might be too late but the idea takes off and the urgency takes over you.

“Ok,” you mutter as you put Daisy back in her highchair. “We’re doing this.”

You have no idea if taking Daisy into your lecture is even allowed. But you know her, she’s an amazing baby, she’s unlikely to make a sound and if she does, well you can just take her out. It sounds fine in your head.

You rush around, the bag you had packed for yourself no longer enough. Now you need nappies, a dummy, milk, muslin cloths, toys, spare clothes, almost twice as much as what you’d take if it was just you. Funny how such a small thing can need so much. You don’t give yourself enough time to question the decision though, you don’t have enough time to question it.

By the time you’re out the door you’re minus three minutes. Pretty good all things considered.

Traffic is good. There’s a parking space close enough to the entrance so that even though you’re behind time you still have enough.

You unbuckle Daisy, take her under your arm while you shove your bag and Daisy’s bag under your other. It’s nothing you haven’t done before; you’ve become a juggler in your parenthood.

You make it all the way to the lecture theatre before you second guess your decision.

The room falls silent as you walk in. A rippling that goes across the room as eyes twist towards you. You stand frozen, staring back, door swinging closed behind you. A room full of nineteen to twenty-two-year-olds looking at you, if you hadn’t felt out of place because of your age before, you do now. You’re not even old but being a mature student even if by six or so years makes you stand out. Now with Daisy, you stand out even more.

Daisy moving in your arms gets you looking down at her. She hasn’t made a sound, is being as good as gold, just as you predicted, but you feel wrong with her in your arms. You shouldn’t feel like this, have never felt like this since having her. Guilt at how you’re feeling starts to seep in, as if Daisy might somehow pick up on how you felt.

“Alright,” a booming voice calls out followed by a loud clap that makes you jump. “Eyes on me please.”

You’re still stood by the door, still have Daisy in your arms, still have all your bags on your shoulder, still feel like you’re on fire. You don’t know what to do now, feel like you should turn and leave but the lectures started and you’ve made it here. Why should you leave? No one’s told you to go. Daisy is still behaving. You belong here as much as anyone else.

Swallowing the lump in your throat you raise your chin as you resettle Daisy on your hip and make your way through the lecture theatre.

Eyes still twist to watch you, whispered words don’t quite reach your ears, but you know are about you.

You settle in a row near the back where there’s a few spare seats together. The dulcet tones of Professor Jung follow you as you settle Daisy on your lap and try to reach around her to get your stuff out. You feel hot and bothered by the time you’re fully ready to take notes.

You’ve missed the first five minutes and with Daisy sat on your lap it’s hard to concentrate and write. It’s not exactly ideal. But you’re here and Daisy is quiet and you’re doing it.

You’re still aware of mutters coming from your right, you can’t make out what they’re saying but it’s distracting enough for you to look at the heads that keep shooting glances in your directions, seemingly undeterred by you looking at them. It’s like none of them have seen a baby before but you know it’s more because none of them have seen one in a lecture before.

You tune everyone out, focus instead on the professor at the front. Jung Hoseok. A man probably only a few years older than you. All teeth and smiles and yet it’s always when he goes into his serious monologues when your stomach curdles. He’s hot when he’s happy, which is seemingly all the time, but he’s even hotter when he turns serious. And the days when he chooses to wear all black, it’s hard to take in what he’s saying sometimes. You can understand why his lectures are always so popular and so hard to get on. He’s hot as well as intelligent, a deadly combination.

You’re trying to block the fact that you have brought your child to his lecture. It’s not like you’ve ever really interacted with the man, it’s still the start of term. You’ve only sat in his lecture admiring him from a far. But you wish today had been any other professor’s lecture. Wish it wasn’t him who wasn’t privy to your embarrassment walking in and struggles now writing.

The lecture is going well, Daisy doesn’t make a sound for over half of it. And maybe you grow complacent of that, or maybe Daisy just decides it’s all a little too long and a little too boring. Whatever it is, the noises start small to begin and then seemingly out of nowhere she lets out a loud wail.

Hoseok stops talking at the front, or maybe he keeps going, you’re not sure over the piercing screams.

“Daisy,” you whisper, bouncing your knee to try and sooth her. “Baby, please.”

Your eyes dart around the aisle in front of you, heads are all turned in your direction. You shoot them apologetic eyes, though you’re sure they probably look more manic than anything. This is your worst fear come true. No one seems to care that you’re dying inside, lips moving with words that don’t reach you but are clearly about you.

Not now, not now, you plead in your head, outwardly shushing your child, running a soothing hand down her back. You’re trying to reach for her dummy or maybe a toy to keep her occupied, all while trying to keep your leg bouncing a steady rhythm.

The volume increases in the room, a buzz that increases louder and louder the longer Daisy cries. The lecture is well and truly over now, whatever Professor Jung was saying forgotten in favour of you. You’re ruining everyone’s education with your selfishness to think you could come with Daisy today.

You’re heating up. You should never have brought Daisy here, why did you think you could do everything. You’re not a superhero, not an amazing mum, not someone who can manage all the things you’re trying to juggle at once. You’re just a single mum, barely managing to raise a child let along hold a job and get an education.

Twisting to your side you hold Daisy close to you as you try and gather up as much of your stuff as you can. Focus mainly on Daisy’s stuff. If you can just get out, calm her down somewhere else, you can always come back for everything else later. Preferably when everyone else is gone.

Bag in hand, Daisy in your arms, you turn back to look at the room, ready to leap up and run. But what you’re met with makes your heart stop.

The professor is walking towards you.

Jung Hoseok is climbing the steps. His eyes firmly on you.

You can’t read his face. It looks flat, but not necessarily firm. Still, your escape route now unavailable, your panic only rises. The only thought going through your head being that Hoseok is going to shout and cuss you out in front of everyone. He’s going to humiliate you as if you aren’t already in that state. And a glance at the other people in the theatre shows just how excited they are at that prospect.

You’re still cooing and bouncing Daisy on your knee when Hoseok comes to stand on the step by you. You have to crane your neck back to look up at him, apologies on your lips.

“What’s her name?”

It takes a second for you to comprehend. They weren’t the words you were expecting to come out of his mouth. The next thought is, is he really about to learn your child’s name just so he can personally shout at her?

“Daisy,” you still mutter her name out.

“Daisy,” Hoseok says back, his tone deep yet soft. “May I, Y/N?”

You’re so stunned by the fact that he knows your name that you willingly hand your child over into his outstretched arms. Daisy has already calmed down a little, no longer screaming, more whimpering.

“It’s a big scary room isn’t it, Daisy?” He’s addressing your child, his voice soft and pitched higher. You feel like your jaw is hitting the ground. “But it’s alright. I know it all sounds boring, but we can get through it together.”

He twists to look at you. You take a second to compose yourself. Daisy’s bag is still clutched to your shoulder.

“She alright to come down with me? You might be able to write a little easier then.”

You can’t tell if it’s a dig or not. For one, he’s not saying it in a tone that suggests it’s anything but a kind gesture. For another, he looks completely at ease with Daisy sat on his hip, her chubby hands grasping at his collar, she looks happy now, no longer wailing. But having expected to be shouted at, you can’t help but feel like he’s silently judging you for bringing your child here.

Still, you nod and then watch as your child is carried away in the arms of a man you hardly know. It should be alarming but is strangely not.

It takes you too long to settle back into the lecture, Hoseok easily picking up from where he was, seemingly undeterred by the fact he has a child in his arms. A whole minute goes by before you even think to put down Daisy’s bag and then another before you pick your pen up. It’s distracting watching your professor holding your child. Especially when he starts one of those monologues, the one where his eyes go dark and passion seeps into his tone. You can’t concentrate on the words he’s saying, don’t take a single note.

You’re pretty sure the rest of the female population in this room feels the same as you. Though with it being your child in his arms, you’re sure they’re not feeling anywhere near as flustered as you are. Still, you can see people taking sneaky pictures, girls giggling behind hands, some of the boy also looking at him with eyes that resemble hearts, hardly anyone taking notes.

“And that’s all I have for you this week,” Hoseok rounds things up a whole hour after he began, beaming at the crowd as he bounces Daisy in his arms. “Reading for next week will be up online.”

Even though you rush, you’re slower than everyone as you pack up. All your bags and bits that have spilled over the floor. By the time you get down to Hoseok the room is nearly empty and you’re a sweaty, panting mess.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok,” Hoseok reassures, eyes going from you to Daisy who’s in his hands. “It was a pleasure, Miss Daisy.”

He pauses before handing her back to you, as if not quite ready to part with her.

“You ok with all that?” He says, eyes on all your bags and Daisy, that’s a more likely reason why he wasn’t keen to hand her over, probably worried for her safety.

“Yeah. It’s nothing I don’t do daily.”

He nods, pauses as he leans back onto the desk behind him, feet crossing at the ankle. “Was dad not able to look after her today?”

“What? Oh. No. Daisy doesn’t have a dad. Well, of course she does, he’s just no longer around.”

Hoseok frowns. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“He’s not dead,” you blurt, realising how he may have taken your words given his tone, but instantly flushing at the comment. “I mean he might be. He left before Daisy was born. I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing.”

Way too much information and Hoseok seems to agree if his small smile and clear amusement is anything to go by.

“Sorry,” you carry on before he can. “It was the babysitter who cancelled. Apparently, there’s a band in town she just couldn’t miss.”

He chuckles. “Music is everything. But her loss is our gain.”

“Right. Sorry again about bringing her.”

He cocks his head to the side but doesn’t say anything.

“And thanks for taking her off my hands. You really didn’t have to.”

“But I wanted to,” he replies easily. “Daisy is welcome in my class anytime, whether you have babysitting issues or not.”

“Right,” you flush again. “Thanks.”

There’s a second of silence. Not long and not awkward, that is until you make it awkward, realising the man is probably very busy and doesn’t need to be stood around talking to single mothers. Though Hoseok doesn’t imply anything of the sort, in fact, if anything, he stays leaning back in his spot, not rushing you out the room.

“Well, thanks again,” you say hiking Daisy up on your side. “And great lecture, as always.”

Did you really have to add the last bit? Definitely not. But before you have any time to flush or ramble on some more you twist and start heading for the door.

“I’ll see you next lecture, Y/N.”

Something deep inside you coils. You block it from your mind as you dash out the room, don’t even think to respond to the smiling man you leave behind.

Things go more smoothly after that disastrous day. Billie gets back on schedule and doesn’t attend anymore last-minute concerts. She’s apologetic about it, you easily forgive her and tell her the story of taking Daisy to your lecture, she finds it way too funny.

Hoseok goes back to being another one of your lecturers. You go back to being punctual, arriving before he does and being fully ready for when he starts. Though he seems to ignore you like before, you swear that first lecture back you see his eyes search for you and a look of disappointment crosses his face before a small smile slips onto his lips. But you’re too far away and his eyes move too quickly, a sweep across the room, for you to be sure about what you saw.

Life goes back to normal. Hectic normal.

What between looking after Daisy, university and work, you don’t have much time to think about anything else.

Weeks pass. University starts to ramp up, essays adding to your stress. You start to question why you decided to go back. Having Daisy was unexpected, you hadn’t planned her, had only been with her dad for a few months but when you found out you were pregnant it strangely felt right. The dad didn’t agree, when you refused to get an abortion, he left your life as if he was never there, as if he hadn’t been a part of creating the new life growing inside you. Funny how men can make that decision while women are stuck with the consequences.

You were upset, of course you were. You had to delay the final year of university you’d already started, you were pregnant and alone. You wanted to drop out completely, but your tutor talked you out of it, said you could take up to two years out and if you still felt the same you could still drop out then.

In hindsight you’re so glad they spoke you into it. Because although it’s hard and you have so much on your plate, this was the reason you decided to go to university so many years late, to make a better life for yourself. And now, with Daisy in your life, that only feels more important. You don’t need a university degree to achieve things in life, you can make a career for yourself, which is why you never went in the first place, that and because your grades were never good enough and were never passionate enough. But you’ve lived in the professional world long enough now to realise what those three letters can mean. The difference between a blank space after your name and BSc after your name in your sector is the difference between an entry level job and one with several zeros after the salary.

Still, even with all that motivation behind you, it’s fucking hard.

It’s why you’re stood knocking on Hoseok’s door during his office hours. You find it hard to ask for help but this essay is slowly killing you so you’re swallowing your pride.

Your heart is hammering, has been since you entered the building, palms sweating and mind scrambled. You know why, you haven’t interacted with him since he held your child during that one lecture weeks ago, have only sat watching him from afar. You’re not sure if you’re more nervous about him not remembering you or him remembering you.

“Come in,” a voice calls out from the already half opened door.

He doesn’t look up from what he’s reading as you push in. You’re met with the top of his head, can see the thick black strands swooping down into his eyes, can see his thick black lashes highlighted against his bronzed skin, can see the blue of his veins through his forearms with his white sleeves rolled up to his elbows and when he starts to sit up straighter you are met with the smooth skin of his chest, his collar bone poking out due to an illegal amount of top buttons being undone.

He seems to jerk upright when his eyes land on you. His back straight, his body stiff in comparison to his gentle, relaxed movements when he hadn’t realised it was you.

“Sorry,” you immediately apologise. “I didn’t mean to disturb you. I can come back another time if now’s not a good time? Or I can email you my questions?”

Your hand is already reaching out for the doors handle from where you’re still stood in the doorway, ready to retreat as soon as he tells you what form of communication is better for him.

He only shakes his head in response, seems to become more relaxed as a smile spreads across his face. He lifts a hand to indicate you should sit in the chair opposite him. “Sorry, you surprised me is all. Now’s good.”

You’re not sure what about your arrival surprised him. You knocked on his door and he obviously heard you as he shouted out before you came in. It’s not like you barged in unannounced. But you don’t question his comment as you make your way to the chair. You sit down before pulling your bag onto your lap and pulling out the notepad and pen you need with your questions and to make notes of whatever advice he gives.

His eyes are steady on you when you look up. You suck in a breath and try not to give away the affect he’s having on you just by looking at you. The fact you don’t speak must say volumes though.

“No Daisy today?”

You actually look to your empty arms as if to check his words, flush when you realise what you’ve done and then heat even further when you look back up to see the amused smile on his face.

“She’s with the babysitter,” you explain.

“Ah, the infamous babysitter. I must admit, I was a little sad to see you had decided to keep her on rather than bring Daisy to the lectures.”

You heat even further but keep your voice level when you reply. “I think she was a little distracting.”

His smile grows, those long, shiny, perfectly white teeth beaming at you. His eyes alight with something that tells you whatever he’s about to say isn’t going to be good for you.

“Yes, I did notice not many people were taking notes that lecture.”

You feel the need to apologise again, but bite back the words and remain silent instead. Now feeling awkward and still very hot in this too small room.

“Anyway, what can I help you with today Ms Y/N? I’m sure you didn’t come here to discuss your daughter, though I wouldn’t mind if you had.”

You swallow, try to ignore his continued comments about Daisy. He must realise what it’s doing to you, how your insides are turning to mush. He’s gaining too much pleasure from your flustered state, it’s the only explanation in your mind because in your limited experience men, especially ones that look like Hoseok, never want to talk about your child.

“It’s about the essay you set for the 14th,” you begin, look down at your notes to try and set your mind back on why you’re here. “I’m really struggling with how broad the question is.”

“Ok,” he smiles already seeming to slip into a more professional state. “Tell me what you’re thinking first. What areas have you considered writing about?”

You pause in thought before answering. And then, before you know it half an hour has slipped away from you.

Hoseok is good, he doesn’t give you any answers, instead he masterfully pulls knowledge from you. He gives you hints and asks you questions that open up thoughts you hadn’t considered and provides angles you hadn’t thought of. It’s comfortable to talk to him, you were worried that it would be awkward or that your nerves would dominate you and you’d hardly be able to talk. Hoseok never once judges you for any question you ask, he never seems to patronise you with his knowledge, in fact at times he looks a little impressed with some of your understanding on the topic.

Half an hour is all you get with the man before he smiles, slips back in his seat and announces he needs to end it there or he’ll be late for a lecture. You almost jump, hadn’t realised so much time had passed.

“Sorry for taking up so much of your time,” you apologise even though he doesn’t look annoyed, as you pack your stuff up.

“I enjoyed talking to you,” when you look at him he must read something in your face as he adds with a laugh, “really.”

“Well, thank you for your time and advice.”

You stand and Hoseok follows the action.

“That’s what office hours are for.”

You dip your head, wanting to say thank you again but feeling like you’ve already said it enough. He continues to follow you to the door so that when you get there he’s already reaching around and pulling it wide for you to exit. You stop and twist to look at him when you’re stood in the hall. Hoseok is leaning on the door looking back at you.

“I’ll see you in class.”

It feels like a lame thing to say but you’re immediately rewarded with a toothy smile.

“That I will. And remember, if you need any more help or advice my door is always open, or feel free to drop me an email,” you nod with a small thanks and as you begin to turn he adds one last thing. “Say hi to Daisy too.”

Daisy is sick. Not sick, sick, but she is restless and running a slight fever and in her eleven months of being on this earth it’s the worst you’ve seen her.

It’s also another day you have a lecture with Hoseok.

By this point you’ve interacted with the man enough to feel more comfortable around him. You’ve dropped into a few more of his office hours, emailed him out of hours with queries and if you ever turn up after him are even rewarded with a nod of the head or a hello in welcome. You’re not friends, your relationship still too professional for that but you are something.

It’s maybe why you pull open your emails to let him know you won’t be able to attend the lecture today. It probably wouldn’t have crossed your mind for any of your other classes. None of them are mandatory, you’re not given a mark based upon it like some other courses, as long as you hand in the essays and pass the exams you are all good. But something makes you want to email him to let him know.

Your email is short and to the point. Though you send it, your mind is still too focused on Daisy to give it too much of your consideration. It’s only when there’s ten minutes to go before the lecture starts and when Daisy is finally asleep on the blankets you’ve placed out for her that you check your emails.

You expect nothing, but there sits one unread email. Sender Professor Jung Hoseok. Time received three minutes after you’d sent yours.

Your heart leaps even though you know his job is predominantly emails and he was probably already looking at them when yours came in. It should mean nothing. But even the fact he replied to your simple email that just stated you weren’t going to attend his lecture feels like a lot.

                To: Y/N

              From: Jung Hoseok

              Subject: Re: Todays lecture

Y/N,

Is Daisy ok? Don’t worry about the lecture today, just make sure to look after Daisy. I will forward you todays slides as well as some helpful notes I’ll be saying around them. I am happy to meet you for a coffee whenever is convenient to discuss the content if needed.

Don’t forget to look after yourself. And if there is anything I can help with, please let me know.

Kind regards,

Hoseok.

 Should your heart be beating this fast because of an email? You don’t think it ever has before. And though it’s only six sentences it affects you a lot. Still, you reread it a few times before you lock your phone. You need time to digest that before leaping into a reply and say something stupid.

Your focus turns to Daisy instead. Watch her chest lightly rise and fall as she sleeps. Even though you took her temperature with a thermometer earlier you still reach out to lightly touch her forehead now. She feels a little hot but you feel way calmer now she’s settled. Your mum’s on her way with Calpol and moral support.

You reread the email twice more before you press reply. Again your message is as short and uncomplicated as you can make, yet it takes you nearly ten minutes to type out the words you’re fully happy with. He’s in a lecture won’t see your email until he’s done, so you try to focus on other tasks whilst you wait.

The smile on your face is all consuming when you open your emails and see that a reply is already waiting a minute after the lecture was due to finish.

                To: Jung Hoseok

              From: Y/N

              Subject: Re: Todays lecture

Hi,

Thank you for your quick response and concern. Daisy is fine, just running a high temperature and has been struggling to sleep since last night. My mum is coming round to help me this afternoon so with her experience I feel better that Daisy will be fine. Sorry she couldn’t make it earlier so that I could attend the lecture but thank you for the offer of the slides, your notes and some help. If you have the free time I’d happily pay for your coffee in return for some of your knowledge. I promise I will read the slides and do some of my own research prior so as not to take up too much of your time. Tuesday afternoons and Wednesdays either between 9-10 or after 2 work best for me as I work other days. Please let me know if none of these times suit you though.

Thanks again,

Y/N

               To: Y/N

              From: Jung Hoseok

              Subject: Re: Todays lecture

Y/N

I’m glad to hear Daisy is doing ok. Seriously don’t worry about missing the lecture. Let’s meet for coffee after our lecture next week. We can walk there together, and the coffee is on me.

Hoseok.

You linger when the lecture is wrapped up. Are deliberately slow as you pack your things away. There are still a few students in the room as you work your way down the stairs, but not many.

Hoseok is stood leaning over the desk, his eyes flicking between the papers that lie there and his phone.

Your heart pounds with each step. You want him to look up at you, want him to acknowledge you, wanted that to happen long ago but you haven’t spoken since last week and the few emails where you agreed to go for a coffee today. You’ve wanted to email since to double check that the plan was still on but held off. You’re regretting that decision with every step.

You shift your weight from foot to foot as you stand in front of the desk waiting for Hoseok to notice you. Finally you clear your throat and let out a small, squeaky “hi.”

His eyes flick up, his head still angled down and his flat expression does nothing to sooth your worries.

“Uh, I don’t know if you remember, if it’s not a good –”

“Sorry, the emails never stop,” his lips curl before he looks back down at his phone, taps a few more words before standing up properly and shoving his phone in his pocket. “You ready to go?”

“Yeah,” you say. “If you are.”

He looks tired. His eyes worn and smile looks more forced. You hadn’t noticed during the lecture, but now you’re up close you wonder how you didn’t notice, everything he does seems a dead giveaway.

“Honestly, I need the caffeine.”

You smile lightly at his attempt to joke but it feels a little too like the truth and you can’t help the worry that seeps in. Why is so tired? Is he ok? Even though they feel like simple questions, they feel too intimate to ask. He’s your professor, no matter how friendly you feel towards him, you have to remember that.

You make your way out of the lecture theatre. An inch behind each of Hoseok’s steps so you can follow where he goes.

“So where do you fancy?” He twists his head a little so he can look at you out of the corner of his eye as you make your way out of the building and on to campus. “I personally prefer Coffee One. Find I don’t bump into as many students there.”

“Coffee One is good,” you say lightly because honestly you have no idea if it is good or not. Coffee shops aren’t something you frequent any more, it’s a cost and time you can’t afford since having Daisy. You don’t even know where the coffee shop is, have to continue to try and follow Hoseok’s lead.

The further to the edge of campus you walk, the more you realise that he must be right. With the many coffee shops on campus, no student would travel this far for caffeine. But with the distance comes an awkwardness. You don’t know what to talk about to this man, it makes you realise that besides your conversation about your course, you know little about this man to make small talk. Still, you try.

“I found the bit of the lecture on Cola fascinating today.”

He twists to look at you more fully, shock on his face for a second before it morphs into pure amusement. He lets out a small chuckle as he focuses back in front of him. Ok, so you’re bad at small talk but at least you got him to smile.

“Thanks,” he says before smoothly moving the conversation on. “How is Daisy doing? Fully recovered from her illness?”

“Oh, yeah. It wasn’t much of an illness, more overprotective parent then anything, if you get me?”

“Yeah,” he agrees with a small smile.

You pause before you carry on, it’s something you’ve wondered since he first took Daisy off your hands but there was never a chance to ask, at least not one that felt appropriate      .

“Do you have kids?”

“No,” he laughs again as if it’s a joke.

“Really? You seemed so natural with Daisy,” and are always asking about her like you’re a parent yourself and you get it, you add silently.

“I have a nephew but that’s as far as my parenting experience goes.”

“Do you want them?”

You can sense him looking at you out of the corner of your eye. “Yeah, I think I do.”

“You think you do?” You chuckle.

“I mean I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t something I ever used to think too much about. But I don’t know, recently I’ve been thinking it would be nice.”

Your stomach knots in that way it always does around him. There’s something about the things he says, or maybe it’s the way he says them.

“I hope your partners prepared then,” you laugh, though even to your own ears it sounds forced and flat.

Hoseok just smiles, indicates that you’ve arrived and as he holds open for you says, “well I’m single, so guess that’s one problem.”

“Right,” you mutter, barely audible for him to hear as you come to a stop just inside the door.

It’s not a big café, but it’s cute. All wooden with hints of black slate and steel. There are pops of colour in the few plants that linger around, but it’s pretty bare. It means that all eyes go to the register where covered cakes and pastries sit tempting you to eat and a massive shiny coffee machine waits. It has a cosy atmosphere with a small amount of buzz from the few occupied tables.

“Shall we sit in the corner?”

“Don’t you want to get a drink first?” You look at him.

“Ok, you grab the table, I’ll grab the coffees. What do you want?”

You pause, look over to the large board behind the tills. You feel awkward letting him buy you a drink, still feel like it should be you treating him.

“It’s my treat, remember?” He goads, reading the uncertainty. “Plus, you’re a starving student and I’m your professor, it’s only right.”

You pause for a second longer but finally give in and tell him your order. He looks far too happy as he heads for the till and you head to grab a table.

The perk at least comes in being able to openly ogle him. You don’t get long, but it’s enough time to take him in. He’s dressed down a bit today, maybe a result of how tired he is, he has a simple white top on, tucked into some smart black trousers and to complete the look he has some black framed glasses. You wonder if he’s wearing them for fashion and although he seems to take an interest in his style, you feel they’re more likely for his sight. You wonder if he wears contacts every day instead.

When he has your drinks and starts to turn your way, you look away. As the drink is placed in front of you, you say a small thanks as you wrap your hands around it.

You give it a second, but when no other topic of conversation comes up, you try to jump straight into the reason you’re hear. You already have your notebook out and open and with how tired Hoseok looks, you doubt he’ll want to linger long with you.

“I read the slides you sent me and went over all the reading. I think I get it all but wondered if you could talk about your slides on the reading from Rhodes et al., a little?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude, but can I just process some of this caffeine first?”

He’s smiling despite his words, and though he doesn’t say them in an annoyed tone you still flush. The fact he’s even here speaks volumes though. You wonder why he didn’t cancel if he feels so rotten.

“Oh, of course, sorry,” you stutter a little. “If you want to rearrange or cancel we can –”

“Honestly,” he cuts you off as if he hasn’t heard a word. “Having spoken to you and read your essays, I have no doubt you fully grasped everything you read.”

You flush, not just from the compliment but because he’s not far from the truth. Sure, there were things you didn’t fully get but you could have easily done your own research to grasp it, you didn’t necessarily need Hoseok to understand. But you also weren’t about to turn down having a coffee with him, free or not.

“Anyway, I don’t think I’ve known a student care so much about missing a lecture.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not exactly a twenty-year-old student, am I?”

He hums as he takes a sip of his drink, observing you over the rim. “What made you want to come to uni?”

The question throws you a little, even though you’ve had it asked multiple times in the past. Funny how someone attending at eighteen doesn’t have the same microscope placed on them, as if you should be in a different place in your life at your age.

“I just mean, you’re in your final year, right?” You nod your head at the question. “And you’re clearly very intelligent. But I just wondered why you wanted to get a degree and not, I don’t know …”

He drifts off and you smile, knowing exactly what he wanted to say.

“Focus on my child?”

Colour lights his cheeks and you don’t miss the way his fingers toy with his cup. “I wasn’t going to say that. I was going to say you could get an amazing job without having a degree.”

“Thanks,” you chuckle. “I actually spoke to the company I worked for about progression and they offered to help pay for my degree if I stay with them after.”

He raises his eyebrows, impressed.

“I guess it’s been good and bad. Not that Daisy is bad but meeting her dad and him leaving me pregnant hasn’t been a highlight of university.”

He looks like he’s about to spit his drink out his eyes have gone wide, his face now a completely different colour. You realise you may have been a little too candid with that comment and swiftly try and move on.

“Anyway, you must be pretty young for a professor?”

He smirks as if he knows your game and you heat. You hadn’t meant it like that. Sure, you think he’s hot but you honestly weren’t trying to hit on your professor. You would never. You could never.

“I was the youngest professor at the university at one stage,” your eyes go wide at the knowledge, though you shouldn’t be surprised at the accolade. “Turns out they just keep getting younger and younger and now I no longer hold the record.”

“Ah,” you smile. “Just a couple of oldies aren’t we.”

He chuckles, toys with the drink in front of him.

“And I mean you’re a mum,” he looks up at you, the joking completely seeping out of his tone now. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah,” you laugh lightly. “Though I would never swap Daisy for the world.”

“Of course,” Hoseok is quick to chip in, as if he too would never dream of saying the opposite.

“But I can’t deny I didn’t always think that,” Hoseok cocks his head to the side, a silent question to explain. “I was at uni when I found out. I was already doing my degree later in life than most and then a baby from a relationship that was still pretty new wasn’t exactly my plan. As if I didn’t already have enough to feel left out about with being the oldie in class, now I was the pregnant one too. It was a tough time for a lot of reasons.”

“And yet you still passed your assignments with flying colours.”

Your eyes shoot to him. “You looked at my marks?”

He shrugs as if it’s no big deal, but his eyes avoid you and there’s a small smile on his lips. “You’re one of my students. I always take a keen interest in all my students results.”

You hum, “not sure all my professors would say the same.”

“Well,” he says, not adding anything else on as he takes a sip of his drink. This time it’s you that beams at him.

“It must be a stressful job,” you say, trying to think of a way of coaxing out how tired he looks, trying to check in on him without being so plain. “Marking, running lectures while also trying to do your own research.”

“I think I’m supposed to say I love it so it’s no hardship here,” you watch as he runs a hand through his hair, messing the strands.

“You don’t?”

“It’s just a lot of pressure at the moment,” there’s a pause and when you don’t fill the gap, he does. “I’m trying for some new funding on a project. It means I have to try and impress some people and prove why my research will be worth the investment.”

“I can’t imagine that being a problem for you.”

You hadn’t realised how that might sound until Hoseok raises and eyebrow at you. You’d genuinely meant it, he was approachable, kind with his time knowledge but also so passionate about what he does. You can’t imagine anyone not being impressed with him.

“It’s just a lot of hoops to jump through,” he confesses.

“Well,” you start more conscious of your words now, but still wanting to let him know your feelings. “I know you’ll do it. But make sure to take some time for yourself too.”

His smile is soft, one you’ve not seen before. It lights his eyes up, and though it’s not as big as smiles you’ve seen from him before, it affects you more than any other he’s sent your way.

“Thanks Y/N,” he says, his voice just as gentle. “I’ll definitely try, though it’s a busy time of year, guest lectures and the department trying to plan for the end of the year.”

You nod as if understanding, though really you can only half relate. You have no idea what sort of pressures a professor is put under. Though you can relate to feeling like you have a hundred things to do at once.

“Actually,” his face lights up with an idea. “You should come.”

You pause, waiting for him to explain. “Where?”

“The guest lecture.”

It still doesn’t explain anything. If anything it only causes more questions.

“… is coming and doing a lecture for post-grads. It’s expected that lecturers turn up too, but I think you should come along.”

“But I’m not a post-grad.”

“It’s on a topic we covered the other week in class,” he carries on as if you’re following.

“But, uh, I’m not a lecturer,” you add.

He smiles. “You’d be my guest.”

Your heart stops then stutters back to life. Hoseok still looks oblivious to how you feel. Well, there’s a small smile on his face that makes it look like he’s amused by your reaction. But his words imply he hasn’t taken in a single point you’ve made.

“I think it might help your understanding,” because of course that’s the reason he’d think you should go, not whatever reason your heart flipped for. “Not that you need the help.”

“Ah,” you flush, brushing off his comment. “I’m not so sure.”

“So you’ll come?” He looks hopeful and you have to stop your heart getting it’s hopes up. It’s only because you’re his student and he wants you to well. “It’s on a Tuesday over lunch time so you can’t use the excuse that you have work.”

You chuckle along with him, though the noise is empty and hollow. He remembers your email well enough to know which days you work? It shouldn’t be a big deal, but honestly you’ve not met many men who would remember something that small.

“Uh, yeah,” you say and watch as his smile broadens. “I’ll have a think and let you know.”

“Amazing,” he says as if you’ve just agreed to going. In a way you know you have. Whatever Hoseok is to you, you like him so much you’d happily go to a lecture if it meant you could spend some more time with him.

Jesus, what’s happening to you?

If you felt out of place in your lectures, it’s nothing in comparison to this.

The room is full of people milling around, a gentle hum of conversation filling the air. You felt your hands go clammy as soon as you walked in. A quick glance at the unknown faces was enough for you to bolt to the corner of the room.

It feels safer here somehow, though you really need to get a drink or something because at the moment you’re clutching your bag as if worried someone is about to rip it off you. Not the best look at an academic gathering.

You almost didn’t come. You’d turned up for the lecture before but when there was the announcement about heading here for refreshments, you nearly chickened out. Now you wish you had.

You know no one here, don’t even recognise anyone enough to try and strike up a conversation. You’re terrified someone will spot you and ask what you’re doing here before escorting you out. You feel way over your head.

Another glance around the room confirms what you already know. Hoseok invited you and yet he’s not even attended himself. Maybe you got the wrong impression that he was inviting you to go with him. Maybe he genuinely meant he thought you’d benefit from the lecture and networking. He didn’t mean he was going to come too.

You’re an idiot, truly.

The lecture was interesting, you guess. It had a relevance to one of your modules, but from what you could tell you were one of the only undergrads in there. Why Hoseok said you should attend, you’re not entirely sure.

You’re just debating whether to go and grab a drink or some food to make yourself look less awkward when someone approaches.

“You look new,” you look over at the man who’s carrying a full plate, not letting the fact of eating stopping him from talking. “What are you studying?”

“Ah,” you look around the room as if for an escape. The man’s still smiling when your focus is back on him. “Well, I’m an undergraduate.”

His head cocks to the side. “You’re not a PhD student then?”

“Professor Jung invited me along?” You look around the room in search of the man again but he’s nowhere to be seen.

“Ah, you’re in his third-year class?”

You look back at him, a frown on your face while his is lit with more recognition. He bites slowly down on a breadstick, amusement dancing across his face as if he knows something you don’t. The look only makes you stiffen.

“Yes?”

“So you got to witness baby-gate?”

“Baby-gate?” Your throat dries, knowing what he means but not understanding the implications.

“When he held that baby for a lecture. I’ve got to say, it’s already become a legendary story in the department. And annoyingly it’s only increased Hoseok’s standing.”

He doesn’t look anything but annoyed, in fact he’s still smiling widely at you. You just feel a little dread, you hadn’t really thought much about the fact that what happened would have left your lecture theatre. But of course it was going to get out to his department. Though the mans not implying it’s done anything to affect Hoseoks career, if anything he’s implying the opposite, it still fills you with a little dread.

“Yeah, it was quite something,” you say, deciding to omit the fact that it was your baby he was holding.

“If he gets more funding for his projects or better students because of it, I’m going to be fuming.”

He says it lightly, but you still look at him blankly. You’re not really sure how to respond to that. There’s a short pause before the man breaks it.

“You should get some food. Honestly, the only good thing about these events is the free shit.”

He leaves you with a theoretical shove in the direction of the food and a promise to catch up again later. You’re sure the latter won’t happen, but out of nerves follow the first.

You’re putting a few nibbles on your plate, shooting small smiles at anyone who looks in your direction, ones that say don’t talk to me. You’re still feeling pretty overwhelmed and like you shouldn’t be here when you spot him.

Hoseok has only just arrived, stood just inside the door he’s paused to look around the room, a vacant look on his face as he concentrates. Someone approaches him and starts speaking though it looks like Hoseok doesn’t take in a word of it, he’s still scanning the room. And then his eyes meet yours and his whole face transforms. Gone is the vacant look, his eyes light up, lips pull back a little. He hardly seems to say goodbye to the person before he starts moving.

Your heart thunders in your chest as he moves across the room towards you. It’s as if he only has eyes for you, because though you notice some of the attention in the room shift towards him, Hoseok doesn’t seem to care. A few people try to approach him but he just brushes them off. His eyes are on you the entire time and the closer he gets the more your heart struggles.

You focus back on the food, are picking up a second pizza pinwheel when you feel his presence next to you.

“The free food is the best bit about these things.”

“So I’ve heard,” you mutter.

You look at him and are nearly knocked over by the look he’s shooting you. He looks lit up from within, positively glowing, his smile so wide you worry his jaw might start aching.

You can’t quite comprehend why he’s looking at you like that. Don’t get why he walked across the room and ignored all those surely important professors and PhD students who wanted to talk to him in favour of you. It makes you nervous that he thinks you’re something you’re not. But it also makes something else bubble inside you.

Glancing down at your plate he looks satisfied that you have some food. He picks up his own plate and starts piling on the food.

“Have you tried the mini quiches? They’re always my favourite.”

When you shake your head a little, he doesn’t even question it, just reaches out and places one on your plate.

“If you don’t like it, I’ll steal it later.”

Well, that’s a little assuring, the fact he’s implying he’s going to stick with you now he’s arrived. Though that same thought is also completely terrifying. Because although he’s avoided everyone in the room but you so far, surely he’s going to go and network after this.

“Have you spoken to anyone yet?” He looks at you, plate now full you watch as he pops an olive into his mouth.

“Uh,” you struggle to drag your eyes away from his mouth, but force yourself to. “I didn’t catch his name …” you spot him across the room and point, “but I spoke to him.”

Hoseok’s eyes follow your finger. “Ah, Rav or I guess Professor Peryie. You can ignore everything he said.”

“Oh really?” You look at him to see his brightness has dropped, you worry they don’t get on until you pick up on his slightly coloured cheeks and wonder if it’s something else. “Well, he was implying you’re not going to struggle getting any female PhD students joining your team.”

When he whips his head to look at you, shock written over every feature you only laugh. It’s the first time you’ve felt fully relaxed this whole afternoon. And when you focus back on Hoseok you see the easy smile is back on his face too.

“Come on,” he rolls his eyes. “Let me introduce you to some people.”

It’s funny how something you once thought of as nerve wracking or out of the ordinary can become something so normal. But that’s what being with Hoseok becomes to you.

It’s not like you socialise outside of office hours together, well, unless you count the coffee breaks and strolls around campus. Your predominately study, well, again, you study and Hoseok just works. It’s because you want to do well, you use as an excuse whenever you overthink the whole thing. And Hoseok, being your professor with all the knowledge he holds, it’s easier to just sit together.

But none of that explains the talks you have not about your course. The hours of questions he has about Daisy and the small smiles that flutter to his lips whenever you tell him a piece of new information. It doesn’t explain the feelings that still flutters in your chest whenever you first step into his presence. Doesn’t explain all the hours you long for him when you’re not at university.

Studying gets hard though. Exams approach and your life outside of university continues. You manage to take some days of annual leave from work, feel guilty when you still drop Daisy off at nursery, but you use the hours to study. It’s your final year if you don’t pass these exams –

It’s not worth thinking about.

If Hoseok picks up on your stress, he doesn’t comment. At least not verbally. But he does bring you things, crisps and sweets and fizzy drinks as well as fruit and energy bars. He learns what you like, what you don’t as quickly pick up and what you love. He doesn’t ask, and you never say, but he still manages to pick up on your subtleties enough to bring you what you’re always craving.

“So come on,” Hoseok beams, almost dancing as if excited. “How you feeling?”

“Like I could be sick.”

He laughs like it’s a joke, but you’re not smiling. “Come on. You’ve done so much work you’ll breeze this.”

“It’s alright for you, you’re not having to take the exam.”

“I did once,” he says. “Well, not this exact one but you know.”

“And I bet you were shitting bricks too.”

He lifts an eyebrow and chuckles, answering your question. “And that’s why I know you’ll pass. Because you’ve worked hard for this, and yet I hardly worked and still passed.”

You hum. “That’s because you’re smart. These things come naturally to you.”

“Funny,” he says. “I’d have said the same thing about you.”

You flush, something Hoseok manages to do a lot. It’s just the things he says and the way he says them, as if they’re exactly what he thinks. He says it so plainly and unembarrassed.

“Well, uh, I better get going. I don’t want to be late.”

He smiles as you linger and as you take a step away from him, he reaches out to grab your wrist. It’s gentle, a grip you could easily pull from, but you stay. Eyes go from his hand holding your wrist, up his arm until you meet his eyes already looking at you.

“You’ve honestly got this,” he says, voice almost whispered.

You can only nod your head. Throat thick, heart hammering and now not because of nerves at the thought of your exam.

With a squeeze of your wrist and a soft smile Hoseok lets you go with a quick ‘good luck.’

At least he managed to distract you from the exam. The whole walk to the exam room you struggle to focus on recalling your notes and can only think of Hoseoks fingers on your skin.

You pass. Not quite flying colours, but you do pass comfortably. As Hoseok predicted you had nothing to worry about.

Time is back on your side. No longer having to attend classes, study or do assignments you get more of your life back, can spend more time with Daisy. While it’s nice, more relaxing and you love spending the time with Daisy without the worry of having to catch up on things, there are still things you miss. The main one being Hoseok.

You no longer have any excuse to go to a coffee shop with him, can no longer go to his office on the pretence of asking him a question. You do still email him though. Firstly to thank him for all he did for you, the help and the copious amounts of caffeine. But the emails go well past that.

One email turn into chains. He asks about Daisy but he also asks after you.

You learn more about each other’s lives. Don’t see each other and yet somehow grow closer. Maybe it’s the distance that gets you to open up easier, or maybe it’s the fact you don’t have any official ties to him anymore. Your graduation is still a few weeks away but you no longer view yourself as his student anymore.

Still, it doesn’t mean anything happens. They’re just emails. You don’t see him in person. And as the weeks between exams and graduation pass you learn to accept that emails is all it’ll be. You have Daisy, that’s all you need.

“Congratulations.”

You twist, already knowing who it is before you see him.

It feels like it’s been ages since you last saw him and the sight of him takes your breath away.

Hoseok is all sharp black lines, crisp white shirt, thin black tie. His smile is just as wide and just as white. His eyes sparkling, the skin around them crinkling with joy. You don’t reply to his comment, mind a whirl of disconnected thoughts at the shock of how good he looks. A hint of wicked creeps into his smile as if he can read every thought. But then his eyes are dropping and his smile is all joy again.

“And hello again Miss Daisy.”

You look down at the mans focus, jump Daisy up so she sits better on your hip. Her eyes jump between the two of you, unsure. She’s older now, just over fourteen months old. She can walk on her own, or more wobble, every step looking as if she might topple. She’s said her first word though most noises are still gobbledygook. She must look so different to Hoseok.

“You don’t remember me?” He almost sounds offended, but his voice is sweet and his smile is still in place. “Even after I held you for so long in that class?”

She leans her head into your side, trying to cover her face while her wide eyes still try and take him in. Your smile is broad when you look back at Hoseok, his mirroring yours.

“She’s grown,” he says it gently, quietly as if not wanting Daisy to hear.

“That’s generally what babies do,” you tease, Hoseok’s eyes sparking with joy.

“And you’ve done it,” he says. “You must enjoy all the extra time you can spend with Daisy.”

“Yeah,” you say looking down at Daisy and then more sheepishly looking at Hoseok. “I just also kind of miss uni too.”

He looks surprised and you flush as if you’ve admitted an embarrassing secret. Which in a way you have. Because you may miss university, but it’s not the studying you miss.

“You miss university?” He mutters the words back to you.

“Uh, yeah.”

“Ah,” he scratches the back of his neck as you hoist Daisy to a more comfortable spot on your hip. “So, uh, what are your plans are now?”

You look around, can see your parents stood in the distance talking to some other parents from your course. “I was going to head out for a meal with my family.”

“Yeah, sorry, I mean now you’ve graduated. If you miss studying, do you plan on staying to do a PhD or anything?”

“What? No way.”

“Oh, ok,” he laughs, relief flowing off him though you’re not sure why. “It’s just, that’s good, because now you’re not my student I feel I can ask you on a date.”

“What?”

He laughs, his eyes dancing to Daisy. “I’m sorry, maybe this isn’t the best time.”

“It’s definitely questionable timing.”

“Well, maybe I’ll ask at a better time.”

“No,” you jump in, Hoseok’s eyes wide as he looks at you. “I mean yes,” his smile begins to curve as you stumble over your words. “I mean, I’d like it if you ask again. Maybe when I didn’t have my daughter on my hip.”

You’ve never seen him smile wider. His eyes once again going between you and Daisy before settling on you.

“Then I’ll ask you again,” he says. “Congratulations.”

You both beam at each other for a couple more seconds before you mum calls you in the background. Looking over your shoulder you see your parents waiting for you. Hoseok’s eyes are still on you, the smile on his lips when you look back at him.

“I guess I’ll see you soon?”

“Sounds like a date to me,” he smiles.

You nod, struggle to leave him, but you now you know this isn’t goodbye you can turn and walk over to your parents.

“Who was that?” You mum asks, not even trying to hide the fact she’s looking at Hoseok.

When you glance over your shoulder Hoseok is talking to someone else but his eyes keep glancing your way. You smile back at your mum, hesitating on saying he’s your professor, you guess he isn’t anyone.

“A friend,” you say instead, hoping one day he might be something else.

[phantomram-b00]

To Hell with you

So, I was listening to songs. And then an epiphany hit me hit me harder than this fixation of the show; what if…the roles were reversed? Like what if Azirapahle first said no to the promotion yet Crowley said yes instead? I think I saw a fanfic that did this (I don’t remember) but I wanted to take a crack at this, and I feel like I want to cry myself so imma do a fanfic of it, hope you enjoy. And if you still haven’t seen good omens season too, this will contain that so uh spoiler warning ahead. Have fun!

Aziraphale was just done talking with Nina and Maggie just a while ago whilst Crowley walk away; while profusely apologizing for the whole ordeal both for last night and overall, they did give him advice on his love life. Something he never thought he could describe it given their status from their opposing side, but he’ve been in love with Crowley since 1941, so the label wasn’t exactly far off. But nothing official, and thanks to their advice, he though maybe they can? Why not? To hell with both parties that been trying to separate them for millennia now they’re on their own side.

“Right! Let me at least tidy this up before he comes” he spoke to himself while he put some books in their respective spots as well covered the symbol on the floor and make sure nothing was out of the ordinary. Oh ironic given their day to day life on earth. As he does so, he start preparing for the talk as he turn the sign on the front to “very closed”

“Okay, so Crowley!” He chuckled as he talks to himself yet again. “There something I must tell you about, I think it been long overdue for the past 6000 years at this point. And I know I’ve told you you go to fast but-“

He shook his head throwing away that thought like a piece of crumbled paper. That won’t do at all.

“Crowley! Wily serpent! I believe there are thing to be discussed about if that all the same to you…” he said as he put the Jane Austen book in order since Gabriel- err Jim decided to put them away separate by the first sentence they start it. Oh how problematic that organization was it nearly discorperated him the second time. “So we’ve known each other for quite a long time, at this point in time we can even guess each other sentences or predict other moves like Agnes Nutter.” He laughs. “W-well, what I’ve been meaning to say is, w-well, remember when I told you you go to fast? Well, I think I want to retract that statement since I think we can go fast, faster than a rollercoaster as Buddy Holly said-“

He again shook his head, and threw that idea away. But he blushes just thinking about Crowley, how he does want them to make it happen finally, been waiting since 1941 or maybe even longer; his mind begin to wonder around, become a habit for him at this point. He began to think about their life, all the time they’ve been together. Always a risk to be together but deep down, Aziraphale would take that risk all day to see Crowley, the one person that didn’t treat him like an annoyance or dare judge him but instead treated him like an equal, the one person that he would rather dine at the ritz and go on many restaurants with, the one person that he would maybe one day want to live with for all eternity. That feel more like heaven in his eyes than the actual place. In retrospect, he wished if it wasn’t for their side that maybe they could been more braver. Or at least he could’ve been. But he had a smile, maybe they can be now? And they can make up for lost time? And maybe one day, they can move into a cottage? Oh he can never be bored of living with him for all eternity. It make him more giddy just thinking about that possibility.

“Crowley!” He started again. “We need to talk, but I think maybe, this would be best suited if we go to St. James park? You’ve always love that place with the ducks. We can get frozen peas. And we can talk as we sit? Or if you prefer, we can dine at the ritz? I can feel an reservation was just open for two” he giggles while hugging the first edition Jane Erye by Charlotte Brontë. “Or maybe, we can talk here, and have drinks? I’ve got an expensive—“

Ding

Aziraphale look at the door and see Crowley back, couldn’t content his smile even if he tries.

“Crowley!” He said putting the book down and walking over to him.

“Angel” said giving him a smile back in return. He take off his glasses to reveal his Sunny eyes. “Listen angel, there something I need to talk to you about.”

“So do I!” He chuckled lovingly whilst look at his sun. “funny how two minds think alike, but I think first I would like to ask you if-“

“Hold that thought for just a moment angel,” Crowley said as aziraphale stopped his laughter. “Listen, Shax and I talked.”

“I’m quite aware, seen you guys had much to talk about despite what the stunt she pulled.” Aziraphale spoke. “Nearly started a war.”

“Right yeah, uh, so, during the talk, she granted me something. And, well, okay cutting to the chase here angel, she want me to be Duke of hell.”

“Oh.” He said taken aback. “Surely you said no didn’t you? I mean you always complained about how they’re the worst and not to mention that they even have a sign on not licking walls? Frankly you saying…”

He stop to look at Crowley face, reading it carefully like it was one of his books. Only this time he does not appreciate this sudden twist.

“Crowley please tell me…” he choked out. “Please..”

“Angel, maybe I can make this right. If I’m Duke of hell-“

“Oh Crowley” he look away running his finger through his white hair. He then lightly laugh. “Please tell me this is one of your devilish jokes you wily serpent!”

“Shax said…she said I can even bring you down to hell with me. We can make hell nicer, no, we can make hell a better. We can even maybe prevent whatever is happening—“

“Ohhhhhh! Crowley I thought you were better than this.” Aziraphale said choking back the tears. “You should be better than that Crowley!”

“Angel—“

“If I didn’t need heaven then it fairly certain that I don’t need hell neither!” He paced around trying to calm himself but avoiding his eyes. “You know Heaven told me to come back to them with a promotion to be supreme angel before this whole Gabriel and I said “no I will certainly not go back to you” and you shouldn’t neither.”

“Well of course you said no angel, heaven are a bunch of self-righteous arseholes and certainly no better than hell I’ll tell you that much.” Aziraphale face continues to be horrified. “But hell, I know hell isn’t the best neither but angel, if you’re by my side, we can make it better.”

“Crowley are you realizing that if hell ends life here on earth it be just as dead as if heaven ended it.” Azirapahle said this time he open the flood gates and tears are streaming down with his voice cracking. “Crowley… tell me you said no.”

Crowley tries his best to choke back his tears too. Seeing his angel distraught was the last thing to see. The last thing he ever wanted to do. He look away from aziraphale feeling his heart growing heavier the more this conversation prolongs.

“Crowley…?” Aziraphale said not even trying to wipe his golden tears away.

“Angel. Maybe I can make an actual difference. I can try to stop it.”

Aziraphale shook his head, he was too shocked yet to upset to form any form of a sentence. His glossy eyes was enough for Crowley to start his water works, he look away once more. Aziraphale turn around and let out a sigh.

“Right guess you got everything out then, it my turn to say my piece—“ despite this, Crowley waited patiently. “We’ve known one another for quite a long time. We’ve been on this planet more than the human that roam on earth. We can always rely on one another and we can or at least I had hoped we trusted each other. We’re on our own side as you said even four years ago at the ritz. To hear those words was more heavenly than what heaven could’ve ever offered to me.” He feel his heart growing heavier. “And I would love it if we—“ he stop again as he feel his tear roll down his cheeks once more. “Crowley, how is it that Beelzebub and Gabriel can go off to Alpha Centauri, the place you yourself have been dying to run off, then we could too right? Just the two of us.” Crowley wanted to smile, but he was too distraught himself to bring himself to do so. “You’ve always said, that we don’t need heaven or hell, they’re toxic Crowley! We can still run like you always said, we can even go to Alpha Centauri with them” Crowley shook his head repeatedly. “We can— what why are you saying what is it?” He said showing curiosity and concern.

“Angel then come with me. I can run it and you can be right by my side. We can make a different please.” Crowley said pleading now. He want to cup his hand on his face wiping away those golden tears, but even when he toke a step, aziraphale toke a step back shaking his head.

“You can’t leave—“ me. “You can’t leave this bookshop.”

Crowley would never want to leave him alone. He would do anything to stop time just to stay in this bookshop for all eternity with him, basking in their love they been so desperately trying to achieve. To listen to angel’s ramble of a book he know he read for the millionth time. To have quality time with him whether it just them drinking wine or even just them holding each other in their embrace while they listen to classical music to bebop as azirapahle would call his taste. But that not what he said did he?

“Oh Aziraphale..” Crowley said giving a sadden smile. “Nothing last forever.” He wanted to kick himself just for saying those fatal words. The words that finally push azirapahle over the edge as now he can’t hold back. He hold his hand in his face as he let it out, just for a moment. Even in that moment, Crowley want to hug him. But he stopped after a moment, as to try to revert back to his calm demeanor.

“No.” He said grabbing his glasses and giving it back to Crowley. “I suppose you’re right about that one.” Crowley look as he see the glasses. Trying to process what he was even doing. “I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.”

He proceed to walk out of his own bookshop.

“Best of luck..” then it hits him. “Angel!” He doesn’t stop walking away. “Aziraphale come back!” Aziraphale turn around, he was completely drained. His angelic happiness is no where to be found in his hazel blue eyes. “Work with me.” He still pleads, even aziraphale let out a sigh as he continues. “To hell..we can be on our side even down there. Doing our own things down there.” Aziraphale wince from that sentence as he look away to avoid his eyes. “I-I need you aziraphale!” He finally said which prompted him to finally look at him. Both their watery eyes met. It felt like time stopped again. Maybe Crowley finally convinced him. Maybe they can be in their side even in hell. Maybe they could make things better. Him and Aziraphale against them—“you have to understand what I’m trying to offer here Angel..”

“Oh I think I know quiet well. Maybe even more than you can Crowley.” He said. But he realize it wasn’t his usual tone. He sounded apathetic. Is this really it? This shouldn’t be. Why does it feel…

“Well. If that the case, is there really anything else to say at this point?” Crowley said as he put on his glasses as his tears starts to appear yet again.

“Listen.” Aziraphale said pointing up. “Can you hear anything?”

“No. Angel what are you trying to…”

“That’s exactly my point. No nightingale.” He said, that was it for him. He feel he can’t hold it back any longer. “You stupid snake. We could have been us.” Aziraphale said emphasizing on the term us. Crowley looked away to let tears run, even closing his eyes to hope it be all over. But then he felt his lapel of his blazer being pull and the feeling of soft lips pressed again his own. His eyes shock open as he see aziraphale. Principality. Angel of the eastern gate. Kiss him. This wasn’t what he expected their first to be, not one where tears are mixing with each others. He wanted it to be more romantic, more on a happier note. One that both can enjoy. Not this. Not when his angel is obviously hurt. Oh Satan, what have he done. He lift his hands couple times but he was able to place his hand behind Aziraphale’s back and kiss back. He felt his head spin around like all the planets he created, can feel like he seeing stars he help create. And here he is, kissing the biggest star he’ve every laid his eyes on.

Soon they pull away from each other, Crowley having to catch his breath, not hiding his cries anymore. Aziraphale just stand there in hope, can this finally convince him? Crowley look at Azirapahle, many emotion can be battling each other, anger, lament, happiness, shocked? Maybe all above.

“I…I…” love you. Do it again. “TO HELL WITH YOU” he wanted to cover his mouth. Why did he let them escape. Where the soap when you need it. Aziraphale let out a silent gasp as golden tears escape him once more.

“I forgive you.” Aziraphale said walking out of the bookshop.

“Wait angel!”

He walks out of the bookshop, he almost push people down, forget for a moment that London can get busy. He look around to try to find him. “Aziraphale! Please, come back!”

No avail. He can’t find him anywhere, no white haired tartan wearing angel. He feel down to his knees.

“What have I done?” He said to himself. His scales emerged feeling intense emotions, he wanted to scream as he feel smoke coming out of him.

“Crowley?” He look up and see Shax. “Right, I take it he didn’t take it well.”

“What do you think?” Shax was gonna talk again before he stop her. He stands up “Right don’t answer that. Let just go.” He said drained. Feeling empty. Betrayed.

“Jolly good. Now I will say, I’ve heard word from upstairs.” Shax said as they walk, Crowley look at her but not in interest but he had to know.

“And what do the holier than thou angel say?”

“Well. Something about ahhh. The second coming as they like to call it. We got a role in this too, so best get a move on” Shax chuckled as she walked as she talked more about this role. Crowley stopped. He turn around just for a moment and see Aziraphale, he was far away about to turn the corner. But he can easily see that he left enough room for him to come with him to walk, the finale plead. He can’t make out what his expression was but it didn’t matter, he look at him one last time. Before he start walking backward and turning back to Shax. Completely disappearing from the crowd. “You know. Pity your boyfriend didn’t come. Me and Furfur were betting on it, guess no matter. We got work to do.” He stopped listen as she went on. He wanted more than anything to just run back to him. He wished he didn’t take this. But part of him felt that maybe he can still try. If not fro earth, for aziraphale. To keep him safe as he try to stop this plan. To stop armageddon from happening once more. Even if that meant he can’t see Aziraphale ever again.

Meanwhile Aziraphale just nodded. Understand this was it. It truly was over. He saw Maggie and Nina walk away holding hands as if God was rubbing salt in his wound. He then see Muriel waving at him in glee. He would’ve wave back in mutual respect but not now. Not today. He just walked away leaving them feeling concern. Aziraphale walked, unsure where exactly he walking to but his feet keep moving so he might as well walk wherever his shattered heart take him. He then heard a radio from one of the stores singing the song. That song meant for them.

Snap

Just like that the song stopped. He continues to walk. Walk as far as he can. As golden tears fall once more.

(Reference for the golden tears and Sunny eyes)

[insfiringyou]

BTS - The Night Before (Suga x Jeong-sun) & (J-Hope x Nana)

Contains: Fluff, some angst. Mentions of RM and V.

Set shortly after ‘The Final Shift’ and ‘Flower Arrangements’, Jeong-sun spends the night before her wedding at Hoseok and Nana’s apartment. 

You can find out more about our headcanon girlfriends here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook 

& our full masterlist of fics and original art can be found here

Content below the cut

She almost didn’t spot him at first. The sky outside the sliding door was a murky blue, signalling the first sign of dusk, and his silhouette on the patio porch blended almost seamlessly with the treeline beyond the brick wall at the end of the tiny garden. Jeong-sun had checked the studio twice already, certain he would be there. But the piano lay still in the dark, no sheets of music or writing littering its surface. She hadn’t heard him play for a week at least, though she supposed she knew why. 

The door was slightly ajar and she pushed it gently; a soft trail of cigarette smoke danced through the gap as he exhaled silently. 

“Get lost?” She gently called, not wanting to startle him. 

He looked around, a smile playing on his lips, before turning back to face the small square of grass in the centre of the concrete. Jeong-sun had noted with some amusement, in the short time she had been living with him, that he kept the patch meticulously mowed come rain or shine. He wasn’t overtly prideful about it; after all, there were no flowerbeds to be seen along its edges, but maintaining it came as easily to him as brushing his teeth.

“I’m sorry, just thinking…” He said.

“Good things I hope.” Jeong-sun retorted, though a touch of uncertainty clouded the edges of her voice. She remained still for a moment, tongue subconsciously prodding the inside of her cheek as she clutched a mug of tea between her fingers, before quietly joining him on the step. He’d had his hair cut neatly the day before, cropping it shorter than she had seen it in a few months, and she brushed the ends lovingly as he took another pull on the cigarette, the red tip dancing briefly in the air, before dropping to his side.

“I haven’t seen you smoke in a while.” She commented, without judgment but unable to help the curiosity in her voice.

He looked at her, suddenly aware of his surroundings for the first time in twenty minutes, and smiled, a little aloofly. “Old habits.” He murmured, glancing down as though considering another drag, before deciding against it.

“It’s a nice night.” Her hand touched his covered arm, rubbing it gently. 

“Yeah…”

She realised at once there was something more on his mind…more than the deluge of thoughts and emotions that had been running through hers for the past twenty four hours, and she pushed at it lightly, voice soft.

“Have you heard from Namjoon?”

She expected a sigh, but there came none. “No…” He said quietly in a tone that was hard to read. “Maybe he can’t get to his phone.”

She nodded deftly. “I’m sure that’s it.” If there was doubt in her voice, she hid it well and he didn’t seem to notice.

“It was quite short notice.” He admitted, almost to himself. 

She rubbed his arm once, feeling the cotton sleeve beneath her palm. “I’m glad you changed your mind.” She paused. “At least…I think you’ll be glad later.”

“Tae hasn’t gotten back either.” 

The disappointment was now evident, though not enough to dour his mood. Still, she sensed the cigarettes hadn’t been an accident like he had claimed - there were at least four other butts visible on the patio below. 

“Is that why you’re stressed?” She asked; fingertips brushing along his sleeve comfortingly.

“I’m not stressed.” He turned to her. “Not really.”

She saw at once it was true and felt relieved. Eyes swimming with mirth, she reached for the almost-out cigarette, slipping it from between his fingers and taking her own tokenary drag, exhaling slowly into the still evening evening air, a soft smile playing on her lips. Yoongi took her other hand, fingers pressing against hers.

“What time’s Hoseok picking you up?” He asked.

She checked her watch, the pearlescent face shimmering in the soft glow of the living room behind them. “Half an hour.”

Yoongi laughed breathily. “He’ll be early.” He warned.

“What will you do?” Jeong-sun asked softly, both curious and a little sympathetic.

He shrugged non committedly. “Early night.”

She nodded, not surprised now she thought of it. “Don’t be late.” She quipped.

“I won’t.” He replied seriously.

She sighed. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?”

He shook his head at once, mouth twisting. “Hoseok and Nana will have something planned.”

“I was worried about that.” She murmured dryly.

Yoongi laughed, grinning to himself. Still he squeezed her hand in reassurance. “You’ll enjoy yourself.”

“Last night of freedom.” She taunted, eyebrows raised.

He flashed his teeth. “I doubt they’ve hired a stripper.”

She rolled her eyes, though matched his smile. “No, but Seulgi might bark all night. I’ll lose my beauty sleep.”

“Is your mom coming in the morning?”

“My brother’s picking her up from the airport tonight. She’ll stay with him.”

He nodded. “And your dad?”

“Meeting us there.” She turned to him. “I hear he’s bringing a friend.”

Yoongi watched her raise a single eyebrow playfully and sensed the meaning immediately. His chest seemed to warm, which surprised him. “A date?” He confirmed.

“I hope so. She owns a cafe by the river.” She looked back towards the end of the little garden, thinking to herself. “They’ve been friends for years.”

“Good for him.” He nodded solidly, realising how happy the news made him. He had only met her father twice, more recently when the older man came over to drop off some of Jeong-sun’s things, but the respect he had for him was immediate. It was more than the token gratitude he had been brought up to feel when respecting one's elders, and perhaps even more than a quiet sort of fondness he had for the way the man had helped raise Jeong-sun. He had seen a lot of himself in the private way he had carried himself; the mourning he had subtly witnessed for Jeong-sun’s mother who was very much still alive. He realised, this whole time, he had wanted him to be happy.

They once more fell silent, his eyebrows knitting together. She could tell there was something on his mind and made a neutral sound between her lips, urging him to speak.

“I didn’t write a speech.” He admitted, sorrily. 

“Me neither.” 

“I didn’t know what to say…” He looked away, across the garden where the shadows now grew in length. “At least in front of other people.” Pausing, he shook his head. “I couldn’t do it justice.” Slowly, he turned back to her. “I’ve always told you how I feel…” Yoongi paused, hesitating. “Maybe not well enough at first.” The tinge of doubt in his voice made her want to reach for him, touch him. But still, she held back. “I love you so much.” He finished, almost urgently.

“You’ll make me cry.” She smiled, meaning it to sound playful but unable to help the knot which seemed to form in her throat. 

He turned to look at her straight, squeezing her hand tightly, reassuringly. “I don’t think so.”

“I’ve always known.” She reassured him, pressing back against his fingers. 

“I can’t put it into words…”

“Me neither.” She quietly agreed, smiling in understanding. “I just know…” Her eyes stang a little, though she let them. “I can’t wait to be married to you.”

He smiled in response, though fell silent for a moment, lost in thought. “Do you think it will feel any different?”

“I don’t know…” Her mouth curled. “Ask me tomorrow?”

They sat side by side for a while, before deciding, almost in unison, to move to the front, where they would get a better view of the rapidly changing sky and watch out for Hoseok’s arrival. Yoongi left the sliding doors unlocked and Jeong-sun eyed the half-empty pack of Marlboros on the porch, undoubtedly waiting for his return once she left. The thought didn’t trouble her. He seemed as able to pick up the habit and quit again as she had once done jobs during her university years, and she sensed that whatever urge had driven him to the step in the evening twilight, it was serving to comfort him a little. It would be a long night to spend alone.

The front of the house was equally quiet which surprised her for this time of year. As the days grew longer there were usually some signs of activity from the street; people going to parties or into town for the evening, but on this occasion the environment seemed to match their introspective mood. That was, until they heard the approaching tyres of the Porsche as it slid around the bend in the street. Window down, they heard Hoseok’s voice before they fully saw him.

“Aw, you’re holding hands!”

They both looked down, almost unaware of the fact as the younger man parked smoothly against the curb, 

“I’m allowed…” Yoongi retorted dryly before turning to Jeong-sun. “Are you all packed?”

“It’s in the hallway.” She conformed, slowly getting to her feet. 

“We’ll take care of her.” Hoseok reassured as the young woman went back in the house. 

Yoongi nodded. “I’m sure you will.”

She returned a moment later, struggling a little with the holdall which seemed packed to the brim. Jeong-sun, in a last minute rush, had indecisively packed both her hair straighteners and her curling prongs, not sure which she wanted. He slipped the strap a little further up her arm, resting it firmly against her shoulder. 

“So this is it?” She whispered quietly, unsure whether she felt nervous or relieved. 

Yoongi looked at her softly and nodded. “Until tomorrow.” He murmured. 

“I’ll be there.” She smiled. 

“I hope so.”

They leaned in, kissing each other with a surprising tenderness, forgetting they were being watched as their bodies pressed together, her bag nestling between them a little awkwardly as he cupped her cheek. Slowly, he pulled away. The beams from Hoseok’s car lit the street and he sensed the other man’s eagerness to take Jeong-sun to whatever strange fate awaited her back at Nana’s apartment. 

“Oh! You’re not married yet!” Hoseok called playfully as their bodies moved apart. 

“Piss off.” Yoongi murmured casually, making the other man grin with delight.

Jeong-sun flashed an almost sympathetic look, though it was herself she was feeling sorry for, before slipping her bag in the back of the strangely small car, tucking it behind the front seats. Yoongi watched her get in, standing still on the stoop at the front of the house as she waved to him through the window. The car slowly took off, her dark hair just visible as they turned away and Yoongi waited until they were both out of sight before going inside. 

***

“Absolutely not.” Jeong-sun said, a smile playing on her lips. The small, cluttered kitchen smelt strongly of chicken and vegetables, the scent had hit her as soon as she walked through the door, but the oversized pan bubbling on the stove was not what she was referring to.

Hoseok’s eyes widened in excitement. “I’ve tried them before. It’s really good for your complexion.”

The younger woman’s face remained neutral. “Is that so?”

Nana quickly piped up, mixing the thick concoction in the plastic tub with a plastic spatula. The label on the outside showed Jeong-sun it had once held Neapolitan ice cream, though its faded surface suggested it was more used for other purposes. “I learned how to do them at a natural workshop. The teacher said it’s a secret Scandinavian recipe.”

“Is there something wrong with my complexion?” Jeong-sun blinked, not meaning to be serious, but the couple’s faces turned to alarm. 

“No!” They both cried in unison. Hoseok immediately stepped forward, 

“We just thought it would be nice.” He wrapped his arm around her comfortingly before straightening up, his chest puffing a little. “I certainly want to look my best for tomorrow!”

“But if you don’t want to, it’s not a big deal.” Nana quickly added. 

Jeong-sun sighed internally, realising not following their carefully organised plans would certainly lead them to overthink the evening, and dour the mood. “No…” She uttered, giving in. “I’ll try.”

Hoseok stepped away joyfully, uncurling himself from her frame. “Nana made your cake! Just as requested.”

“Carrot and walnut.” The older woman smiled, almost proudly.

“Yoongi says it’s your favourite.” Hoseok nodded. 

Nana frowned. “Though not very traditional.”

Jeong-sun joined them by the kitchen counter, glancing sideways at the plate in the corner which she guessed was the object in question. Nana had covered the enormous mound with a chequered gingham cloth which fit well with the colourful decor of the kitchen. “Thank you.” She murmured, sincerely. “I guess we’re a bit counter for taste.” She admitted, lips turning up at the corner as she remembered the expression on Yoongi’s face when she had first ordered the delicacy, some years ago. They had visited a small bakery off the streets of Insa-dong one morning afternoon after work; his dark cap was as inconspicuous as her oversized sweater, but he had bought it for her and added another for himself just the same.  

“I had to look it up. I’d never made it before.”

“She got the carrots from the balcony.” Hoseok gestured towards the kitchen, where a little row of planters could just be glimpsed beyond the old-fashioned net curtains.

“I had to supplement them with ones from the market.” Nana admitted sadly. “We can’t fit that many in the pot.”

Jeong-sun sighed. “I’m really grateful, but you didn’t have to.”

Nana’s eyes widened at once. “It’s my honour.”

Hoseok nodded eagerly. “She really means it.”

Jeong-sun saw from their matching expressions that it was true, not that she had doubted them. The pair always seemed so earnest in a way which seemed foreign and unfamiliar. Perhaps it was her own upbringing that caused her to view sincerity with distrust. Lost in thought, the sudden bubbling from the stove, which seemed to grow a notch louder, caught her attention as Nana turned down the heat.

“Dinner’s ready.” The older woman said, sliding the lid off the pan. The smell grew stronger and Jeong-sun peered at the contents with curiosity. A thin, brown liquid shimmered, rainbow-like, on the surface. 

“Is that for us?” She asked, trying not to sound ungrateful. 

“No.” Nana laughed, immediately catching the look of relief on Jeong-sun’s face.

“It’s for Seulgi.” Hoseok reassured, glancing sideways at the dog who sat quietly in the basket in the corner. 

“It’s a type of broth. The dog loves it!” Nana reached down for the metal bowl by the dog bed and the canine sprung to life at the sound, wagging her tail eagerly. 

Jeong-sun smirked, raising an eyebrow to herself. “Do you always cook for the dog?”

“She’s been poorly lately.” Nana sighed, bending down to pet her head. “Upset stomach.”

“I’m sure she’ll be alright tonight though.” Hoseok joined her side, giving the dog a reassuring stroke. “The vet says it’s just something she ate.”

“Where does the dog sleep?” Jeong-sun asked, trying to hide her apprehension. She didn’t dislike dogs exactly, she’d never been bitten or had one startle her, but having been without pets her whole life, she never really understood the infatuation with them. She’d considered getting a goldfish once upon a time, when she first moved into her apartment downtown, but she figured the company she’d get from its presence wouldn’t make up for the time she spent cleaning the tank.

“Not with us.” Nana quickly retorted.

The target of her statement gave a sorry look towards the canine, affectionately. “Aw…” Hoseok cooed. “She sometimes sleeps with us.”

“Not when she’s sick Hoseok!” Nana replied, a little harshly, making the man back away. Her tone suddenly lightened as she bent down and stroked the soft fur on Seulgi’s rump kindly. “She’s got a lovely bed downstairs.” She sang, almost soothingly, as though trying to convince the dog of the matter.

“And where am I sleeping?” Jeong-sun asked cautiously. 

“Oh, don’t worry about that!” Hoseok dismissed kindly.

“You’ll be comfy, I promise.” Nana added, straightening up now the food was served. Seulgi lapped at it hungrily.

“And no sneaking out in the middle of the night.” Hoseok wagged his finger scoldingly, though he grinned as he said it.

“To spend the last night with your husband to be…” Nana added, almost innocently.

“He’ll be fast asleep by then.” Jeong-sun admitted, hoping it was true. She hated the thought of Yoongi being kept awake by nerves.

“Masks!” Hoseok suddenly claimed, only just remembering as he picked up the discarded ice cream tub from the kitchen counter. The scent of bananas was overwhelming and Jeong-sun spotted the large slabs of fruit dancing on the surface of the pale formula. Nana, it seemed, had used a whole bunch. She silently took her cue to follow them into the adjoining living room where the T.V stood blaring a colourful film; the tone informed her it was old, from the 90s perhaps, with subtitles. A group of women in shoulderpads sat clustered around a table in the middle of a bar; their perms as subtle as the slices of bananas in the mask. 

“Have you seen this before?” Hoseok asked, half watching the conversation on screen. The women’s accents were strong, even Jeong-sun could tell that, and a little familiar. She had never been to Australia, though her mother’s partner could be heard on the phone sometimes, asking her questions in the background. She thought that might be it.

“No.” Jeong-sun admitted.

“Oh, it’s great!” He beamed.

Nana glanced and smiled. “Hoseok’s discovered Abba.” She murmured approvingly. Jeong-sun didn’t quite get the reference until the next scene, when the music started; she recognised ‘Dancing Queen’, to which Hoseok gave an enthusiastic rendition. 

Jeong-sun sat down on the little sofa, pulling aside the blanket which was covered in hair, with some disdain. “I’ll ask the DJ if he takes requests.”

Hoseok paused, eyes wide. “You hired a DJ?” He asked hopefully.

She looked at him with an expression Yoongi would have been familiar with. “No.” 

His face dropped, disappointedly, before turning back to the screen.

“Min-seo sends her love.” Nana joined Jeong-sun on the sofa, obviously ignoring the now folded blanket which she sat on.

“You spoke to her?” Jeong-sun asked.

Nana nodded cheerfully. “She came around to help with the cake. She had to leave early to feed Eun-ju. She wishes she could have been here though.”

“Eun-ju’s grown so much!” Hoseok turned around just long enough to flash an affectionate smile. The scene on screen had once again moved on. It quickly dawned on Jeong-sun that the movie was also about a wedding and she wondered whether the choice had been deliberate.

 “Min-seo’s picked her out a dress for tomorrow. She’ll look so cute.” Nana smiled, face half covered by the yellow mask. Jeong-sun hadn’t noticed her put it on. 

Hoseok turned back, his attention drawn away from the film by the strong scent. “Do mine.” He pleaded, joining Jeong-sun closely on the other side of the sofa which hadn’t been designed for three grown people. 

“Erm…” Jeong-sun handled the spatula nervously. “How much do you want?” Her lips curled. “One scoop or two?”

“Lay it on thick.” Hoseok beamed, moving his face forward, as though holding it out for her.

“He likes to eat it sometimes.” Nana smirked.

***

The film had finished with a predictably buoyant ending. Muriel had stood up to her bullies and headed for the airport, never to return. The movie made way to another foreign one; this about a time traveller in England who used his inherited powers to get the girl, though the trio seemed to quieten down once the masks had dried and the clock counted down to midnight. At some point Seulgi had made her way between them on the couch, her head resting against Hoseok’s thigh with a surprisingly human-like sigh. Unsurprisingly; Jeong-sun had gotten the rump end. Still, she stroked her fur casually, almost without realising. Sick or not, Nana hadn’t protested her presence. 

Jeong-sun yawned without realising, stretching her back against the uncomfy back-rest. Her face felt tight beneath the mask; though she had gotten used to the fruity scent.

“Are you tired?” Hoseok asked, speaking for the first time in fifteen minutes. 

Jeong-sun blinked sleepily, realising she was. “Big day tomorrow.”

“Did you pack your jammies?” He asked seriously. She looked at him; eyes wide beneath his thickly smeared mask, and laughed to herself. “Nana has some if you didn’t.” He added.

“I brought some.” Jeong-sun nodded. “Besides, I’m not sure Nana’s would fit.” She admitted with a shrug, casting an eye over the other woman’s tall, slender frame. 

“They’re very versatile.” Hoseok commented, though Nana broke the conversation by getting to her feet, gently pushing the dog off the sofa. The canine yawned, stretching its long body before plopping heavily on the rug.

“I made up the bed for you.” 

“Where will you sleep?” Jeong-sun asked.

“Here.” Nana pointed at the sofa, barely small enough for the three of them, without concern. Jeong-sun didn’t question how uncomfy they would be, she knew they would protest. 

“Thank you.” She nodded kindly. 

“And I’ll be up nice and early to get you ready.” Nana beamed, scooping up the now-empty ice cream tub from the side table and taking it into the kitchen.

“Me too!” Hoseok quickly added. 

“Thanks.” Jeong-sun smiled. “That means a lot to me.”

Once the room was cleared Jeong-sun slowly made her way up the stairs, to the single master bedroom which was neatly made up compared to the rest of the apartment. She remembered the mask and considered going to the bathroom straight away, but instead slipped her phone from her jean pocket.

The photograph was unflattering but she didn’t care. The mask had set firmly against her features; a large slab of banana visible beneath her fringe, in the centre of her forehead. She tried not to laugh as she sent the picture, sitting comfortably down on the bed. I smell like banana. She typed, hitting send.

It occurred to her at once he might not be awake to see it, but predictably the reply came a moment later. Two single words. Dear Jesus.

She smiled to herself, wondering if she too would be able to sleep.

I love you. 

Her phone pinged a second later, before she’d even had time to take off her socks.

I love you too.

***

Thank you for reading. To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga  /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook

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[moccahobi]

Soon You'll Get Better

Summary: Something mysterious is effecting Hoseok. One terrifying night and many stressful days at doctors offices revealed a cyst that could change his life forever. Soon he'll get better. That's you both kept saying.

Pairings: Hoseok x Gn Reader

Rating: 16+

Warnings: mentions of blood, medical stuff (talk of medications, MRIs, passive doctors), crying.

Genre: angst (with a hopeful ending), hurt comfort

Word count: 1.8k

A/N: this was intended to be a drabble but here we are! This is part of @kpopwritingbingo. The prompt is Jung Hoseok and I also loosely used Soon You'll Get Better by Taylor Swift for inspiration!

The front door closed with a loud bang. Hoseok was finally home after a long day of proctoring dances and grading his students. It was one of his least favorite parts of his work at the dance studio, but it wasn't something he could skip. You knew he'd be tired and wanting to shut down for the night. Which is why you'd set up the office space with all his favorite goodies and games. He'd get the night to himself and with little work to do all he loves.

"Y/n-ah? Where are you?" He called out, more loud clamor happening from the main space of your shared apartment.

"I'm here!" You said back with a laugh. You were so excited to pamper him tonight.

It was silent for a bit, "Where's here?"

Rolling your eyes, you said, "Guess!"

"Uh... The bedroom?"

The bedroom was on the other side of the apartment. With a sigh, you got up and went to him, "No, silly. I'm in the office. I've set it up for you to relax. Your job for tonight is just to take care of yourself."

Hoseok apologized for not finding you, his ears growing red and mouth twisted in a frown, but you just laughed it off. He was tired. It was understandable.

That night, you'd taken care of his needs and cleaned up around him when he fell asleep on the couch in the office. He needed the rest, but it seemed couches weren't good places to sleep because the next day he looked more tired and stressed.

"One more day of exams." You told him with a hug when he left.

That night, he came back late. Too late to enjoy the games and goodies you'd set up for him again, instead he washed up and went to bed. You joined him a little later, snuggling up against him for warmth as a dreamless sleep took you.

"Y/n-ah," The worry in Hoseok's voice stole you from your sleep as he gently shook you awake.

"Mmmh?" You grumbled, rubbing your face against the pillow as you tried to get your bearings.

What time was it?

"I... I don't know what's happening. I just woke up and my ear it's..." You shot up as he kept rambling, his eyes shining with unshed tears, "It hurts so much. It's probably the worst pain e-"

His voice broke off and you surged forward to hold him close, rocking him back and forth as he cried in your arms. His body shook against yours, begging you to keep steady until he could be steady.

What could you do?

He needed you here with him but he also needed to go to the hospital. He needed help you had no idea how to give.

You whispered sweet nothings in his ear until he stopped crying and pulled back to look at you. Heartbreak shown in his eyes and in that moment you wanted to do anything to take the pain away from him.

"Hobi-ya, do you think you will manage a drive to the hospital? I'll be as fast as possible."

He sighed and nodded, looking up at the door. He was shaking the entire walk to the car, your heart breaking as he tried to hold back tears in the drive.

What was wrong?

What was causing this pain?

"Y-Y-Y/n-ah," He started when you finally parked at the hospital, "I-I'm... Blood."

You whipped over to look at him, blood on his hands, on his clothes, drip drip dripping from his ear. It glistened in the dark and your heart sank.

Something was wrong. Something was up.

"Come on. We're at the hospital now."

Hoseok looked like was was about to faint as he got out and you quickly went around the car to support him as the two of you entered the hospital.

"It looks like your ear drum burst, Hoseok-ssi." The doctor said after looking in Hoseok's ears.

"Huh? Why?" Hoseok asked, squeezing your hand as he looked up at the doctor.

The doctor shrugged, "Ear drums burst when there is an uneven amount of pressure behind and infront of the ear drum. That'll be why the pain stopped when you started bleeding. As for why the pressure was uneven, I don't know. I will refer you to an ENT, they will know. For now, use the ear drops I prescribed."

With that the doctor left, his words hanging around the small space heavily. You wanted to cry but one look at Hoseok and you knew you had to stay strong. He was crying, his lip quivering as he tried to keep silent. Pulling him into a hug, you tried to comfort him. But what kind of comfort could you give him?

He took the next few days off before the ENT appointment, laying in bed and staring at his phone all day. Your heart ached as you left for work but you didn't have enough days to take off and Hoseok said he'd be ok. After work, you tried to get Hoseok to do stuff with you but the normally bubbly man was void of all energy.

By the time the appointment came, the two of you sat in the office waiting room nervously together. Your pulse was screaming in your ears and you wanted to cry but you didn't. You couldn't.

Hoseok needed you. He was leaning against you, eyes closed as he tried to stay calm.

After a painfully long wait, the two of you were guided back to a private room... Where you waited some more.

Finally someone came, the two of you perking up expectantly.

A nurse.

He asked Hoseok the basic questions. Medications. Height. Weight. Past medical history.

Then he left and the two of you were alone once again.

Another knock after even longer came.

Finally the doctor came... And immediately walked you all to a new room, his assistant following behind closely.

Hoseok laid down on a table, a large magnifying glass zeroing in on his ear. You got close to Hoseok, holding his hand for support as the doctor started poking around in his ear. With each new poke, Hoseok's face screwed up in even more pain.

There was a TV behind Hoseok that you could look at, Hoseok deprived of that right. You could see and had to hold back winces and gasps. There was a big hole in his ear and behind it, a pearly white ghost waving at you. More tears welled up in you eyes and one look at Hoseok reminded you why you were here.

He was silent on the drive back. The doctor wanted an MRI scan but he was fairly positive of what had caused the issue. A cyst.

You gave Hoseok space to be in the bedroom, getting him games and goodies to take his mind off of the situation.

The hole would heal but the cyst would need surgery... And for the cyst to have caused a rupture, the surgery would be major and the lasting effects might be as well. In the shelter of the office, you broke down for the first time, hot tears hugging your face.

The door cracked open, Hoseok shuffled in and wrapped you in a big, crushing hug.

"Don't cry, Y/n-ah. It'll be ok."

"I should be telling you that." You said with a bitter laugh, returning his tight hug.

The two of you stayed close together the whole night. Getting into bed was hard but being wrapped up in Hoseok's embrace made it all better.

Even if he refused to sleep on his left side. Apparently it was less painful to sleep on his right, his hurt ear pressed tight against the pillow as if to protect it from any more damage.

One MRI and another ENT appointment and the two of you were once again snuggled together for support.

His surgery was scheduled a month from now.

The cyst and his body had been eroding away at his conductive hearing bones and there was worry about the ear canal walls. Together, your hearts ached and tears mingled together. Something was playing in the background, tea long forgotten as you tried to make sense of all that was happening.

When the tears finally subsided and your lungs ached less, you whispered more sweet nothings, more empty promises, and more salves of comfort.

It would be ok.

Before the surgery, Hoseok started therapy. He'd been contemplating it for a while but with the nearing operation, he needed it more than ever. He also got a prescription to help with his nerves on the day of the operation and each night you found yourself hoping that the medicine would take away his anxiety.

Soon he'll get better.

That's what you told yourself each time you drove him to therapy. Each night when he refused to sleep on his left side despite the clear discomfort he was in. The morning of the operation as he nervously fiddled with your hand.

Soon he'll get better.

That's what you told him as he relearned balance and spacing. That's what you told him as he got the packaging removed from his ear. That's what you told him as you held him at night as he cried.

It's been a month since the surgery and though he is still recovering and not allowed to dance, he's gotten back to work. The children needed him Hoseok said but you knew that in reality, he needed the children.

As expected, he worked late and you had time to get some small things for him. Goodies and games mostly to help him recover after a long day... Or well long two months. Set it all up in the bedroom, knowing that once Hoseok showed, he wouldn't want to move for the whole night.

The front door closed with a loud bang when he finally came home and a bitter smile bloomed on your face.

"Y/n-ah? Where are you?" He shouted as he slowly set his stuff down and entered the apartment.

"I'm here!" You said out of habit and winced immediately. He couldn't place where sounds were coming from.

It was silent for a bit, "Where's here?"

"Sorry. The bedroom."

He laughed and rushed in, wrapping you in a big hug, "Thank you."

Gently kissing your head, he left to wash up, before joining you once again for the night.

He was recovering. He was getting better. He was adapting.

[dinndinchim]

A/N: Hi hi, new here but I’ve been writing for a while I just wanted to put it out here finally. I hope u enjoy!! WARNING: smut, blood gore, violence, 18+ if you don’t like this type of content PLEASE DO NOT READ

“I know but those things are scary and I don't want to mess with them, there is no telling what they are capable of" you laughed at your friend's comment she is such a scary cat. you both were pulled out of your Conversation as you realized you were at her house. even though you guys are nearly grown you too still have sleepovers like back when you guys were young. “Anyways, my mom said she's making cookies” “FOR REAL!!” you said while raising your head fast looking at your friend in joy, her mom's cookies were always the best even when you're to the point you can't eat anymore her mom would always pull out the cookies making you want to eat even though you can't take another bite “YESSSS” “FUCK, I love your mom's cookies” “alright then, last one in the house is a rotten spirit” you laughed at her somewhat ironic joke as you struggle to stay to your feet you were laughing so hard.

She manage to make it in the house before you, while her mom looked at us with anger on her face “girls!, what did I tell you two about running in the house” you both stopped mid of running and lowered your heads as if you were a cartoon in trouble, you could have sworn you heard puppy cries in the back as the whole house went silent, “yes mom were sorry” “yes Mrs. Kim, we're sorry” you said while your head was still held down in fear, soon after her mom laughed at you both as she reached for her special homemade cookies off the table “ok girls, who wants cookies!” you guys raised your hands, jumping up and down while saying “ Me Me Me!” her mother laughed at you guys' reaction as she both gave you guys the tray of cookies, at the same time you both quickly grabbed a cookie.

“Oh wow I knew I heard a Princess down here” you both looked up at the deep soft voice at the top of the stairs coming down, it was your friend's brother Jin, Ji-soo's mood changed as she looked up at him “oh fuck off, she doesn't want you” “JI-SOO, watch your mouth” Ji-soo was caught off guard by her mom as her attitude changed, Jin laughed at her because of her sorry mistake of cursing in front of her mom. Her mom soon enough sent both of us to her room as the party began.

*time passed it is now 11:00 a.m.*

“ soooo, scary cat what you wanna do” Ji-soo looked at you and playfully hit you in the arm, “YAHHH, DONT CALL ME A SCARY CAT” you laughed “but you aree” you said pointing at her while making faces. “If your not a scary cat lets play a game” she look at you in worried, you were both sitting on the floor you had just got done doing each other’s nails now it’s time for the real fun at a slumber party, doing scary chans in the mirror, “ no no, please don’t tell me” she ran to her bed getting under the covers like a child that had just seen a ghost in its room, “ what, Ji-soo come onnnn I’ll be funn” you tried hard to convince her as you got off the floor and walked over to her, taking the cover off her head concealing a terrified Ji-soo, “you know I don’t like that type of stuff, you remember what happened when we were young” the flash back came to you.

*flash back*

“ guys we should totally do something scary” you looked over at your old ex friends you met them in Elementary school, but at the moment you were in high school, since you both were really obedient kids. It was you guys first slumber party, one of the girls name was jinnie she was the popular girl, and beside her was rosà she was the dump one, and lastly was Lisa all the boys wanted her, and together they were the cool popular kids. You don’t know why and how they ended asking you to come to the party but you and Ji-soo was determined and wanted to be with the cool kids for once, “I don’t think that’s a good idea” you said laughing it off so you wouldn’t sound like a scary cat, “oh poor soo y/n, scared of a little fun” jinnie said as she crossed her arms making fun of you. You guys were all sitting on the floor watching each other as the Atmosphere became weak, “I think she’s right” your friend Ji-soo said as she tried to take up for you, “someone’s tryna to take up for her little friend” one of the girls Lisa said to her.

You know you had gotten each other in great trouble coming to this party but you guys wanted to seem grown and feel like women, you two only had two choices one was chicken out and call Ji-soo”s mom to come get us, and two was just do it. Knowing what state you guys were in you both choose the hard one, “fine I’ll do it” the girls all looked at one and grinned. You were honestly frightened as hell, but you had to be the bigger person for your friend and so you did, they all stood up and took you to the bathroom as your friend watched in guilt, they had stolen jennie’s mom white normal but not scented candles as they lit them in the bathroom and locked you in there with the lights off.

“To start the ritual, you have to say ‘oh dear death’ four times in the mirror” you heard one of the girls say on the other said of the door you couldn’t make out who it was because all you could feel was fear, you slowly raised your head to the mirror you looked deep within your eyes, your probably thinking aren’t you mad that this girl is taking advantage of you, and you were mad. You just wanted to hurry up with it and go, “dear death, dear death, dear death, dear death” your voice was high enough for everyone to hear, at first there nothing. But soon you seen a face, you crooked your head to the side in confusion as your face on the mirror soon turned into a grim reapers face, your body couldn’t move, you wanted to move but you couldn’t you couldn’t even scream the sound wasn’t coming out.

Your head was hurting and your vision was blurry as the man came coming at you saying your name as he went “y/n, y/n” it was quite but it was loud enough for you to hear,soon enough in a quick‘whoosh’ the man launched at you as the man finally disappeared and your screams were finally heard. Everyone came running in the bathroom as you held your hands over your ears fearing that maybe he’s still coming to get you, the girls laughed at you. Your friend was worried sick as she watched you in horror. That night Jennie’s mom thought you weren’t ok so she sent you and Ji-soo home.

After that day you never went over no one else’s house for anything, you soon grew up with the fear that he was gonna come back for you soon enough.

[elllisaaa]

TEACHER'S PET - J. YUNHO

SUMMARY : being a fan of Jane Austen's novels, you should have guessed that your attraction for complicated love stories would put you in trouble at some point. but you wouldn't have imagined that the trouble in question would be named Jeong Yunho - your favourite professor.

-> pairing : literature professor!yunho x student fem!reader

-> words count : 30.4 k

-> genre : college au, smut & angst

-> warnings (w. some spoilers of the plot) : soft!dom!yunho x sub!reader, teasing, dirty talk, praising, marking, hair pulling, doggy, protected and unprotected sex, creampie, body worship, use of 'good girl' and 'slut', oral (f. and m. receiving), deep throating, cum play, manhandling, fingering, begging, riding, semi-public sex, yunho has a big cock, hand kink, facefucking, drunk sex, yunho is calling reader angel (yes, that's a warning), age gap (8 years), mention of fwb relationship w. san, cheating, mentions of family issues, self-depreciation

+ the way i'm depicting yunho does not represent him, it's only a work of fiction.

-> 18+ content bellow, minors dni

-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated ! sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language

-> author's note : should i say sorry for the enormous word count ? maybe. will i apologize ? not at all because i'm so fucking proud of this fic. it might be one of my favourite things i've ever written, i quite fell in love with reader this time lmaoo. i started the process of the plot back in january, and it took me more than 3 months to write this but it's amazing in my opinion, so i hope you'll like it as much as i loved writting it ! also that is such a detail but yes, prices are in euros in this fic because i'm french and i cannot physically write dollars and not feel weird, i'm sorry, bear with it. i should also say sorry for the angst but it don't wanna either, i already cried to myself when i put it into words, it's your turn to suffer.

-> playlist : older by isabel larosa - white mustang by lana del ray - crazy in love by sofia carlberg - middle of the night by elley duhé - reflections by the neighborhood - daddy issues by the neighborhood - babydoll by ari abdul - easier by bernard park - i love you by billie eilish

-> masterlist | ateez masterlist

Jeong Yunho had been the big sensation and the object of all conversations since he started teaching at your university. It was during your freshman year that he joined your college as the new professor of British literature. And honestly, just knowing that you wouldn’t be forced to listen to an old man repeating the same story about how he almost won the Pulitzer Prize twenty years ago over and over was already a relief. But the fact that your new teacher was also very attractive did get you even more interested in his classes. 

Of course, at first, you were like all the other girls on campus, gushing over how handsome Mr. Jeong was, and how well the suits he always wore were perfectly fitting his tall frame. But you quickly discovered a dedicated and very good professor. He helped your whole promotion to go over all the things your old teacher should have presented to you, and thanks to him, you passed your exams. So even if you couldn’t ignore that he was very, very hot, you were mostly glad to have a professor as passionate as you about literature - his handsomeness was only the cherry on top. 

Every time you had a class with him, you knew that this was about to be a good day, because they were always stimulating and never boring. And maybe, just maybe it was because you were always trying to contradict him. In your defense, Mr. Jeong always led you to approach a new subject with an interesting or controversial point of view, and you were often disagreeing, or had things to say about it. And since not many people in your class were really interested in British literature and were only here to admire your teacher for one or two hours, it was not rare for him and you to end up debating about anything and everything. And today was no exception.

“- What do you want me to say Y/N ? This is how things are, I can’t change them.

- Then you’ll have to convince me, Mr. Jeong.”

Your professor chuckled while shaking his head. You were always like this, always trying to get him to surrender and admit that you had the right answer. Yunho didn’t really understand if it was because you liked to be right or simply because you loved a little bit of challenge, but either way, he appreciated how attentive you were to his classes, and how you were trying to question everything every single time. It was stimulating for the class, for you, and even for him. 

“- In this precise case, it is not my job to do that. The fact that you have your opinion on the subject is a very good thing, but there is no right or wrong answer. What we are trying to do here is simply to interpret what message Poe wanted to convey, we can never be sure if our interpretation is the one he had in mind. And I would love to continue this debate but it’s time for you to go, so don’t forget to read the extract of Wuthering Heights I gave you and I’ll see you next week.” 

You rapidly packed up your things to run back to your dorms. Friday often meant a girl’s night out with your two best friends, and you wanted to have enough time to get ready. You three always got to the same bar where you met each other, one of the first nights you went out during your first year of college. You crossed paths with Lola first, the barmaid having messed up both of your cocktail orders. And both of you clicked instantly, despite her being two years older than you. At one point, while you were dancing together, you noticed a girl alone being clearly annoyed by a guy who repeatedly tried to touch her. So your new friend and you acted like you knew her and forced the guy to go away. It turned out that the girl you had kind of saved, Dia, was in the same major as you. You ended up spending the night all together and you kept in touch after that.

And despite Lola having finished her studies before Dia and you, she stayed around the city because of her work. So once in a while, you took the opportunity to go out at the bar where you met. And tonight was one of those nights, and after the exhausting week you had, you kinda needed it anyway. Your roommate, Dajeong, helped choose your outfit and you got ready together because she was also going out with some of her friends, chatting about your days and the new rumours about the basketball team. And of course, you had to dress up a little, putting on a skimpy, little black dress that did wonders to underline the curves of your body. During these concert nights you were going to, there were always a lot of pretty attractive men playing instruments, and that kinda got you going. So you didn’t put away the thought of finishing the night in someone else’s bed. 

Dia picked you up to go to the bar where you joined Lola and immediately ordered your favourite drink. It felt good to finally rest after the awful week you had. It all started on Monday, when you slept in and missed your first class of the morning. And because you had to rush to the second, you forgot your lunch at home and the charger of your laptop. On Thursday, you forgot about the work session you had with some of your classmates for a group project and arrived late. And finally one of your professors claimed to be disappointed in you because you handed him your assignment one hour late because you had an unplanned class at the due date. So yeah, you really needed this drink with your friends. 

“- So I didn’t warn you beforehand, but I’m gonna sing on stage tonight !”

You looked at Lola, dumfounded, while Dia squealed excitedly beside you. Your older friend had tried to make her music known for the past year and it was finally starting to work out for her. Lola was incredibly talented, so you were certain that she would succeed and you were also very very happy for her, a big smile stretching your lips as you gave her a hug.

“- Girl ! That’s incredible ! I’m so proud of you, you deserve it !”

Dia joined your hug, the three of you giggling.

“-  I’m so fucking exited, we were waiting for it !”

It was still a little early, but the bar was already filled with people, and even if it was still pretty cold outside, you were immediately hit by a wave of heat as soon as you stepped in. You really loved the atmosphere of these kinds of nights, where everyone was friendly because they were only there to spend a good time. Lola had to go backstage to get ready, but you quickly stumbled on some of Dia’s friends with whom you talked for a while and since the vibes matched, you decided to stay together to enjoy the concert. One guy had particularly tried to get your attention, and you weren’t mad about it with how good he looked. He was very tall, and could seem intimidating but whenever he smiled or laughed, you could see how kind and sweet he was. While he was saying something to one of his friends, you quickly tapped on Dia’s shoulder.

“- Hey, what’s the name of your friend that’s very tall ?”

She answered you with a smirk, and mischievous glint in his eyes when she leaned towards you.

“- Why ? Does he interest you ?

- Maybe. So ?

- His name’s Mingi. Have fun girl.”

You slapped her arm lightly, rolling your eyes at her comment. But truly, you didn’t mind the playful bantering between the two of you, loving it even. You let her go back to her conversation while you offered yourself and Mingi another drink since you had finished your beer long ago. It happened that Mingi was just as interesting as you thought he would be, and you even spent the first few performances of the night simply talking with him, too immersed in the discussion to acknowledge your surroundings. It’s only when Lola got up on stage that you started to pay attention, cheering for her after she introduced herself to the public. 

And honestly, she nailed it, hyping the crowd like she did that for her whole life. Dia and you surely clapped and screamed for her the loudest. Lola came to you as soon as she got off the stage, hugging both of you and thanking you for coming to see her and cheering for her. She looked the happiest when she was singing, and you couldn’t be more proud of her as all of Dia’s friends were congratulating and praising her. And from this point on, you didn’t have many clear memories, only knowing that you got drink after drink, getting more comfortable with each one. 

Usually, you wouldn’t be all over someone you had just met, but Mingi was really a good guy, he was attractive and you were drunk, so you didn’t mind the way he was kissing you shamelessly, only kissing him back and letting him roam his hands all over your body. But as always when you were tipsy, your mind was jumping from one thing to another. It didn’t matter that you couldn’t see neither Lola nor Dia around anymore, all you wanted was another drink right now.

“- I’m gonna get one more beer, want one ?”

Mingi tried to stop you when you got up, stumbling a little while standing on your feet, the world spinning all around you.

“- Don’t you think you already drank enough Y/N ?

- You’re cute worrying about me ! I’m okay ! I’ll be back in a minute !”

You were practically screaming, and even with the loud music and voices of people around you, you were very loud, making your way over to the bar while chuckling to yourself the whole time. You dropped onto one of the stools in front of the bar, ordering yourself another beer. It’s only when you turned your head on your right side that you noticed someone you knew quite well. 

“- Mr. Jeong !”

The said Mr. Jeong was straddled by your loud voice and even more by your body colliding with his as you kind of dropped your weight on him, circling him with your arms as if you were trying to hug him. For a few seconds, your teacher remained frozen in place, not knowing how to react, before his brain seemed to reactivate again, and pushed you off of him, holding you by your shoulders. Only a quick look at your flushed cheeks, lazy smile and glossy eyes was enough for him to guess that you were drunk. 

“- Y/N ? 

- That’s me ! What are you doing here though ? Teachers are not supposed to go out !”

Yunho couldn’t help but laugh quietly at your behaviour. You were always so neat and put together during his classes, always so focused and organised. So to see you let loose like this, wearing a skimpy little dress, obviously very drunk and your speech so slurred it was actually hard to understand you, was really a shock. 

“- You’ll be surprised to know that I have a life outside of being your teacher.”

Yunho knew that he shouldn’t find the pout on your lips cute, but he did. 

“- ‘m not surprised, you too hot to be a teacher.”

He blamed the alcohol for the way his heart started beating faster at your comment, and even more when you leaned against him once again, breathing in his scent. 

“- ‘m so tired… 

- Where are your friends ? Maybe they can get you home.

- Don’t know…”

You were starting to feel really dizzy. And not the kind of daze when you’re just feeling the agreable effects of all the drinks you had, it was the kind of daze when you’re starting to feel bad, when your head starts to hurt and all you want is your bed and silence. Yunho tried to observe the crowd and spot the friends he usually saw you hanging with around campus, but no one was in sight. So he stood up, paying for his last drink, before helping you walk towards the exit. 

“- Where we going ?

- I’m driving you home. You’re clearly drunk and you lost your friends, it’s not safe for you to stay here alone.” 

You were too far gone to be embarrassed about your behaviour, or to resist too much, so you let your professor drag you to his car and help you get inside, even buckling up your seat belt for you. You only find it in yourself to give him your address, and text Dia to warn her that you were getting home before dozing off. Yunho had to wake you up when he parked in front of your dorm. 

“- We’re here, Y/N.”

You whined, claiming you were comfortable and didn’t want to move, that it was cold outside and the heat in his car was far much better. Yunho sighed while getting out of the car. Helping one of his drunk students get home was not really on his bingo card of the week, but he couldn’t risk you getting in a dangerous situation. He opened the car door on your side after having taken off his jacket, handing it to you as he helped you get out of the vehicle. No words were exchanged as you put on the black leather jacket that was obviously ten times too big for you, drowning your silhouette inside of it. But you could feel the warmth that Yunho’s body had left, and it made the cold of the wind outside less chilly. 

“- You will be alright to get inside alone ?”

You nobbed your head, the nap you took during the way back to your dorm having sobered you up a little. Now, all you wanted was to wrap yourself in your sheets because you were starting to feel the second-hand embarrassment of this whole situation. 

“- Thank you Mr. Jeong.

- You’re welcome Y/N, drink water and take a lot of rest, okay ?”

You nobbed once again, feeling your cheeks heating up when he pressed your shoulder lightly. You didn’t find anything to answer so you decided to simply get inside, not seeing how Yunho kept an eye on you until he was sure you got inside, and only did he drive off. When you pushed the door open, Dajeong was not back from her party yet, so you were met with a silence that instantly eased your headache. You rummaged through the drawers of the kitchen to find some painkillers and a glass of water, gulping the medication down before heading straight to your room. You hadn’t the energy to take off your makeup, nor your outfit, slipping in bed with Yunho’s jacket still on. But it smelled good, it was so warm, like a little cocoon you loved to be wrapped into. And maybe that was why you dreamed of him that night.

The days after this hell of a night, you were hit with the most terrible feeling of embarrassment and guilt you’ve ever felt. Embarrassment because it was definitely what you should feel after having to be driven home by one of your teachers because you were too drunk, and at that, a very attractive and smart teacher - and also your favourite one. Also to be seen in a state like this by him had you mortified. You always tried to remain serious and professional in front of Mr. Jeong, and you never wanted your personal life to interfere like that with your studies. Guilt because he was certainly there to enjoy his own night out and you wrecked that by forcing him to look after you like a little child. You even threw a tantrum because it was too cold, and every time you saw the jacket you even had the audacity to sleep into, you felt even more bad and ashamed of yourself. You didn’t even dare tell Dia and Lola who helped you get home, claiming it was only a guy you knew. 

You also didn’t want rumors to spread. They were fast to go around students, and if you handed Mr. Jeong his jacket back after his class, it would have been enough for people to believe that you two were in a relationship. So you decided to go and see him after his classes in his office, to be sure that you wouldn’t be bothered. You had buried his jacket at the bottom of your bag, as if everyone had X-Ray vision and could see what was inside, walking as fast as you could through the hallways. You had done nothing wrong, but it still felt like it and you had to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation that was going to happen. 

The door was open when you arrived at his office, but you still knocked on it lightly to signal your presence. Mr. Jeong immediately looked up from the assignments he was grading, smiling when he saw it was only you.

“- Come on in Y/N, and close the door behind you.”

You were fairly unable to utter a word, sticking to nodding your head as you did what he told you. Usually, when you came to his office, you would immediately sit down, but you didn’t feel at ease at all today, too shameful to even look at Mr. Jeong in the eyes. 

“- Do you feel better than this weekend ? You didn’t seem very well yesterday either.”

The fact that he was still worrying about you was making you feel even more uncomfortable. 

“- Uh, yes, thank you. Actually I came by to apologise for my behaviour. I was very drunk, and I didn’t know what I was doing anymore. Thank you so much for driving me home, and again, I’m sorry for how I acted and if I said anything disrespectful to you. And here’s your jacket, I washed it for you. And again, I’m so, so sorry.”

You got the jacket out of your bag, putting it on his desk, neatly folded. Your heart was beating unsteady and your breathing was loud. You couldn’t even remember if you actually said anything weird to him, but knowing you and how you had no filter when you were wasted, you surely did. Mr. Jeong stood up to get his jacket back, hanging it on the back of his desk chair. The smile on his lips was reassuring and sweet, and he didn’t seem mad at all, but you couldn’t help the anxiousness from taking over you.

“- It’s not that bad, it has already happened to everyone to be drunk and do stupid things, believe it or not, it happened to me too.

- To bother your teacher because you were completely wasted ?”

Yunho chuckled at your remark, and he was happy to see a small smile spread on your face too. You were always trying to not look him in the eyes since the beginning of the week, and you seemed very embarrassed when Yunho didn’t want you to be. He did that out of kindness, because you were one of his favourite students and also because he couldn’t let you alone when you were in this state, he couldn’t have looked at himself in a mirror if he had let you without anyone to look after you when you were so vulnerable. 

“- Maybe not, but you get my point. It didn’t bother me, and you didn’t say anything strange, don’t worry. We can just forget all about that if you prefer, but I can assure you that you did not do anything wrong Y/N, I’m just happy I was able to get you home safely.”

Your shoulders immediately relaxed, and it was as if you could breathe more easily. You knew that your professor was honest, that he wouldn’t lie to you about something like that. 

“- Thank you so much for taking care of me. I gotta go for my next class now, but really, I’m very grateful Mr. Jeong.

- No problem, just be more careful next time.

- Of course. Have a good day !”

He greeted you back, watching as you left his office and closed the door behind you. And finally, Yunho allowed himself to slump back in his desk chair, sighing loudly. He didn’t lie to you, didn’t tell you that to make you feel better. Except the fact that you did say that you found him hot. That compliment really messed up with his mind. You were always so serious and focused during his classes, and of course, it was obvious you wouldn’t spend your weekends locked up in your room, but seeing you like this was so new, so unusual. The way you looked at him, the way you touched him, the way your dress was riding your thighs up, the way his jacket was now smelling like your intoxicating perfume - the scent of you invading the room little by little. Everything about this was making him see you in a whole different light. 

The only thing Yunho promised himself when he became a professor was to never, ever, find one of his students attractive. Maybe it was because he was young, and much closer to your age when he started teaching, and that he quickly noticed the eyes some of the girls were giving him. Anyway, he swore on his dignity and morals that he would never have this type of thoughts about a student. But now that he got to see you in your skimpy black dress, which was hugging every one of your curves perfectly, while looking him in the eyes and confessing how hot he was may have him reconsidering his decision.

He knew he shouldn’t see you this way, he knew he shouldn’t search your profile on instagram, knew that he shouldn’t look at your photos nor check you out in your pretty little outfits that you loved to post. But he did it anyway, scrolling through your account as if he was a teenager all over again. And when he stumbled over the photos you posted this summer, body on display in your little bikinis, he knew he had to stop before his thoughts started to drift to places he shouldn’t. Because it was dirty, it was disgusting and he shouldn’t think about you, his student, this way. This should have been enough to stop his mind from going back to this night, but it didn’t. And Yunho felt incredibly bad for not being able to control himself.

You felt a little better since your conversation with Mr. Jeong, reassured that you did not say anything weird to him, and that you haven’t made him uncomfortable. That didn’t ease your mind from the fact that you slept in his jacket and even had the nerves to feel cosy because you were surrounded by his scent. But you tried your best to forget it all, just like he advised you to, even if you had to be honest and admit that you did often think about the way he held you by your waist when he helped you walk to his car. 

You shook your head as you tried to concentrate back on the synopsis of the book you had in hand right now. You decided to go to a book shop with Dia this afternoon after your classes. It was something you loved to do together from time to time, always promising yourself that you won’t buy anything but coming back home with at least one new book anyway. You were not paying attention to your surroundings, entirely focused on the book you were looking at, and you didn’t feel it when someone came up behind you. 

“- I see that you’re very dedicated to my classes Y/N.”

You turned around quickly, not needing to see him to recognize the familiar voice of your teacher. He was standing there, dressed more casually than the usual suits he was always wearing for class, only in black pants and a creamy sweater. You tried not to make the blush on your face obvious as you composed yourself before answering. 

“- Well, your recommendations are always great Mr. Jeong, so I might listen to you once again. But only if it gets me one bonus point on my next assignment.”

Yunho couldn’t help the cheeky smile that spreaded on his face whenever you teased him. It wasn’t the behaviour students should have towards their teacher, but he liked it too much to ask you to stop. 

“- You know very well that I don’t get corrupted this easily. 

- And if I bring you some chocolate ?

- Then I might reconsider your proposal.”

You were ready to add something when you were interrupted by the loud ringtone of your phone. You excused yourself and turned around to answer the call. Yunho didn’t mean to eavesdrop on your conversation with a certain “Sannie”, but at the same time, if it was that private, you would’ve walked away, right ? He wondered if you were used to giving surnames like that to every one of your friends or if this guy could be your boyfriend. But why would that interest him in the first place anyway ? It wasn’t like he cared if you were single or taken. And it was none of his business, but still, the question slipped past his lips when you hung up. 

“- Was that your boyfriend ?

- Oh, no, not at all ! San is my best friend, he has been since we were kids.”

Yunho only nodded, already feeling the second-hand embarrassment of asking such a personal and inappropriate question. He needed to get out of here so you didn’t notice the way his ears were heating up, and you gave him the perfect opportunity to do just that. 

“- I have to go but I’ll get this one. 

- Feel free to share your thoughts about it. 

- I’ll do it, thank you. Have a good day Mr. Jeong. 

- You too Y/N.”

And you left with a warm smile, asking yourself if you would have a stranger interaction than this one in your life. How come that one of the most handsome men you’ve ever met, who also happened to be your teacher, wanted to know about your love life ? You didn’t know how to handle this fact, didn’t know why he asked you that either. But it was messing with your head, making you think about things you shouldn’t, about things you never even considered before this night. Well, that was a bit of lying to yourself. Because you did think about him in this light before, did dream about him touching you in such inappropriate ways for a teacher and his student. But you pushed these thoughts away, not ready to dig into why he was making you feel like that and wouldn’t leave your mind.  

And Yunho couldn’t help thinking the same : how he didn’t see you like that before having you all pliant in his hold, before seeing you wearing your little black dress, before hearing you calling him hot. But if he was honest with himself, he did think that you were pretty during the first class you had with him. He did think on numerous occasions that you were smart and the kind of person he would love to go out with. But he couldn’t. Because he was your teacher, and because he was a lot much older than you. It would be inappropriate. 

Even with all of these considerations in mind, Yunho couldn’t stop himself from stealing glances at you every time you stepped a foot into his classroom. He tried to be as subtle as possible because he didn't want to make this situation even weirder than it already was, especially for you. Little did he know you did the same, observing him every time he wasn’t looking your way, struggling to not blush whenever you felt his eyes on you. And Yunho kept telling himself that he couldn’t do that, that it was not right to look at you the way he did, to think about the things he was thinking about every time his eyes landed on you. But he couldn’t stop it. It felt wrong, but for some kind of reason, he was unable to forget about you. 

“- Did the Mr. Jeong hype finally get to your head ?”

You wiped your head towards Dia, heart beating unsteady. She couldn’t know about what happened almost three weeks ago, right ? No she couldn't have guessed, except maybe if someone saw him driving you home. But your friend only chuckled and slapped your arm when she saw the defeated expression on your face.

“- You look like you saw a ghost ! It’s alright bestie, I wouldn’t judge you for finding him handsome, it’s a fact everyone already established.

- Why are you saying that now ?

- Because you’ve become very distracted whenever we have classes with him, and you don’t participate as much as before. Is it because you finally see him like we all do ?”

You groaned and shook your head, but Dia was too close to the truth to not unsettle you. You knew that you did nothing wrong, that it was normal to think that your obviously very attractive teacher was, in fact, very attractive. But you couldn’t kill the guilt creeping in every time you looked at his hands handing back the papers a little too long, or when you caught yourself wondering if his skin smelt as good as his leather jacket did. 

“- First, I’ve never said that he isn’t good looking, and second, I have enough decency to not drool over him during said classes.”

Lie. It was a complete lie. But Dia didn’t need to know that. She didn’t need to know that your professor had invaded your thoughts in a way you didn’t think would be possible, and in a way that was definitely not appropriate. 

“- Decency doesn’t exist when he enters the equation.”

She was not entirely wrong, but you couldn’t let her win, because it would be like admitting to yourself that you did thirst over your teacher, more than you would like to. Luckily for you, Yunho quickly started his class and strangely enough, for the first time since the bar incident, you succeeded in following everything he was saying and not getting too distracted by his hands, or by his smile. 

“- Before I let you go, I wanted to inform you that I decided to create a debate club. I’m aware of what you must all think about these : that they are boring and never pick the subjects you want to discuss. That’s why you’ll be the ones to propose the subjects we will tackle, and you’ll be free to talk about anything you want. It can be music, politics, literature - anything. As long as you respect each others’ opinions, it’s okay for me. If you’re interested, write your name on the sheet on my desk before leaving and that’s all for today. Thank you for your attention, and have a good day.”

Conversations about Mr. Jeong’s propositions were already erupting all around the classroom. You spotted some serious students you already had study sessions with writing down their names, and a bunch of girls who just wanted to check out the teacher for one more hour per week. Dia already warned you that she didn’t have the time to engage in such activities, but you thought it couldn’t be that bad of an idea. After all, you really loved to discuss with people, and this was the perfect occasion to do so. And no, it was not because your professor will be there. Not at all. It only happened that he will animate the whole thing, it was only a coincidence. You got a pen out of your bag and started to write down your name when his now familiar voice interrupted you.

“- I could’ve bet on this.”

You didn’t dare lift your head and meet his gaze, because locking eyes with him in class was one thing - he was far away from you - but having him so close to you suddenly made you nervous. 

“- Am I so predictable ?

- A little, but I’m not complaining. I know that at least one person will actually come and that I will not be alone.”

This time, you had no other choice but to look at him as you had finished writing your name and had no excuse to look at the piece of paper anymore. You knew you shouldn’t feel like this, but your heart still missed a beat when your eyes finally dived into his. You quickly avoided his gaze, pretending to put your pen back in your bag while you searched in your brain to offer him a clever response. 

“- You know me, I’m always here when it comes to debating. 

- I wouldn’t have expected less from you Y/N.”

The way he said your name shouldn’t have made you blush, but it did. You rapidly excused yourself before literally running away from the classroom and all these feelings that shouldn’t invade your mind. It even made you hesitate on your decision to join the debate club. But you didn’t want Mr. Jeong to think that you were not serious. So you went anyway. And even if, as you predicted, not that many people showed up, you still had a good time. You were even able to not think about him in ways you shouldn’t too often. That was until he insisted on giving you all his personal phone number, so he could organise things more easily and give you the opportunity to see museums or expositions you could later discuss on. That was a perfectly sensible decision, obviously.

However, that night when you laid in your bed and couldn’t fall asleep, your fingers hovered over his contact. It was stupid to even think about it. Why would you even send him a text ? And to say what ? Ask him if he had a good day ? Or if he planned anything for the next reunion ? It was stupid, yeah. But you were one click away from sending a text. You threw your phone to the other side of your bed, running your hands over your face. You were so stupid. Stupid for thinking about Jeong Yunho as anything else than your teacher, stupid for thinking that he would even look your way, stupid for thinking that you were any different from all the girls who were swooning over him. You were just like them and even worse. 

The next meeting with the debate club came too quickly for your liking as you were not mentally prepared enough to see the teacher you couldn’t help thinking about all day long. But this was not what occupied your mind today. No. It was this one girl who thought that she was always right just because she said so. Ever since Mr. Jeong announced that the subject was going to be about music and the sense of community it could create, she hadn't shut up, interrupting everyone as if her opinion was more important. And she wouldn’t stop whining about the fact that music was too commercial these days and that there was nothing original anymore, when her playlist was essentially composed of trending songs and Taylor Swift (not that you had something against the girl, you loved some of her songs, but she was far from not being commercial.) And when you tried to argue that, no, music was not only commercial, that there were still good artists and groups that did it because they truly enjoyed and loved making music, she would get mad. Everytime someone else would defend your point of view, she would accuse them of teaming up against her. 

And you were actually a little mad at your teacher for not jumping in and telling something to this girl who was clearly being unreasonable. You ended up saying that you didn’t want to talk anymore, because even if you were not one to give up, you clearly noticed that you couldn’t win this time. You spent the rest of the debate sulking and stealing glances at Mr. Jeong, who was just observing the chaos. You didn’t understand why he would not intervene, and yes, you got that he wanted to let everyone express their opinions, but was it relevant in this case ? You packed up your things rather quickly ; this whole situation put you into a bad mood, and you just wanted to forget it. 

“- Y/N ? Are you alright ?”

His voice straddled you as he came closer to you, letting all the other students go out behind the two of you.

“- Oh, uh, yeah, I’m good. Just a little frustrated, but it’s alright.

- I understand, but this moment is also made for that, even if you’re not agreeing with her, you have to respect it. 

- I know, I don’t have a problem with her not being on my side, I just don’t like it when people victimise themselves to make me feel bad and let them have the last word. That’s not what a debate is about.”

You tried to stay focused on your bottle of water in your hands, and to not stare at him too much. He was wearing one of his black suits once more, and even more since the bar incident, it was doing something to you. 

“- Well, I can’t say you’re wrong, but not everyone here is as mature as you are. You have to take it into consideration. And it is by talking with people like you that people like her will get it and grow up.”

You shrugged, turning your head to the side because you couldn’t hold his gaze anymore. You knew deep down that he was right, but you were too frustrated to admit it right now. 

“- I’ll let you sleep on that Y/N, but don’t let it deter you from coming next time, your interventions are important and I value them. A lot.”

You nodded before saying your goodbyes and quite literally running away from him, once again. He couldn’t make you feel so frustrated you wanted to break something, and the next second made your heart beat like crazy. Because his words surely did. You knew by the way he was often relying on your answers in class that he must appreciate you as a student, but to be aware that he also liked who you were as a person was something else. It was getting bad, really bad, because you couldn’t keep under control the feelings he made appear in you. And you knew it was wrong, knew that he was your teacher, knew that he probably - surely - didn’t feel the same, but you were already in too deep. 

And Yunho couldn’t help thinking the same as he watched you go away. He shouldn’t feel such attraction for his students, and he shouldn’t try to get closer to you, and he shouldn’t try to do all these things that led you to be alone with him. But still, he chose the next subject because he knew he would get a reaction out of you, because he knew it would get you all passionate about it and he loved when you were like this. 

He didn’t miss his shot because you were the first to talk when he announced that today’s session will be about Jane Austen and feminism. Yunho knew she was one of your favourite authors as you often quoted her in your assignments and used her novels as examples, so he was even aware of your opinion on them. Thus as he was regularly doing during his classes, he decided to go against your views, just to see how you would react. It was wrong to do it only to see you get passionate and involved and slightly mad at him - because you both knew that he already told you that he agreed with your ideas. 

“- I understand what you’re saying Y/N, but the fact that Austen never got married but still insisted on talking about marriage in every one of her novels could also show that it was a dream of hers, and not feminism.”

Again, you were feeling so frustrated against your teacher. But this time, it was directed straight to him. You couldn’t figure out why he would do this, nor why he was so dedicated to debating with you in particular, and not with all the other students that were agreeing with you. 

“- On this aspect, her personal life has nothing to do with it. On the contrary, it reinforces what she’s showing. In Pride and Prejudice for example, Lizzie doesn’t accept Darcy’s proposal until he changes and really proves that he loves her. Plus Darcy doesn’t do all these things so she would agree to marry him, he does it only because he loves her truly. She depicts marriage as something you should do out of love, the only happy marriages in her novels are the ones where the two parties are in love with each other. Like Jane and Bingley, and you can contrast with Lydia and Wickham and how their union is never shown as a good thing, for either them or the Bennets’. I think she never got married because she despised the men of her era, and that they wouldn’t meet her expectations, because she wanted a marriage of love, not of arrangement, or relationships or money. That’s why she is showing them so much in her books, because it reflects how she didn’t like the view on marriages during the Victorian era and the sexism she was surely enduring because of her being a writer and not trying to hide it.”

You barely breathed in between your sentences, and when you finally stopped talking, you felt like you just ran a marathon. Mr. Jeong’s gaze never left yours as you spoke, and the intensity of it was making butterflies come alive in your stomach. It was as if you could feel the tension emanating from him, from his eyes staring down at you. He seemed to snap out of his haze when someone voiced out their agreements to your little speech. And after that, he quieted down just as you did. But you could still feel him stealing glances at you, and you couldn’t help doing the same. 

He was wearing another one of his suits - a three piece grey suit, with thin, white strips on it. He had let go of the jacket a long while ago, and had rolled the sleeves of his shirt up his forearms. And you knew you shouldn’t find that attractive, but you did. You did and it was wrong ; because he was your teacher, and because you were supposed to be a little mad at him for refuting the obvious. 

So like a replay of last week, you stayed back, taking your time to pack up your things and waiting until everybody else left to talk to him one on one. Maybe it wasn’t what a good and well behaved student should do, maybe it wasn’t the most appropriate thing to do when you were feeling so attracted to him. Maybe. But you still carried on with your plan, trying to not get distracted by his handsome face, and his pretty hands arranging some papers on his desk. 

“- Why do you keep on pushing me to justify myself like that ? It’s embarrassing, and everyone was so silent afterwards, it was as if I said something wrong, and it’s not agreeable to feel like you are being ridiculous.”

You never had enough nerves to talk to one of your professors like that, but maybe it was the fact that you had a pretty shitty week, or that the way he was looking at you had you feeling some ways you didn’t want to, but you felt a sudden rush of energy and courage coursing through your veins.

“- You did not say anything stupid Y/N, it was very clever on the contrary. And the reason I keep doing that is because I know you have it in you to argue with me and produce this kind of well organised speech. That’s where I want to bring all of my students, but you can always improve and develop your skills. This is what I’m training you for.

- I’m not practising to go to war, Mr. Jeong. All this is not necessary if it makes us feel bad. And why would you do that in front of other students when we already talked about this in class and they all saw you agree with me ? 

- I told you, it’s only because I want you to be able to justify your answers with precise examples like you did today, because it’s important for your future assignments, for your thesis and even just in everyday life. 

- But you know I’m already able to do all that, so why would you seek out my responses everytime ? It feels like you’re targeting me.”

Your cheeks were heating up as time went on, not only because you felt hot from the way all his attention was entirely focused on you, but also because you were so frustrated you could’ve yelled at him. But you had to remind yourself that he was your teacher and that you couldn’t be that disrespectful, that this was the closest you could get to having an argument with him without getting kicked out of your university. He had come closer to you as the discussion progressed, and the sudden proximity between your two bodies didn’t help with your red cheeks. 

“- Yes, I’m targeting you, because I know you’re capable of coming up with things like this, and that you teach a lot to other people by doing so. I love to see you being passionate and invested in the subjects you’re talking about, it makes it fluid to listen to and to understand. Plus, that’s a debate club, disagreeing with you is my job here.”

You wanted to stay calm and collected so bad, wanted to stay as composed as he always was but you couldn’t help how he heightened all your emotions by his mere presence. And the compliments he was giving you didn’t help you relax either. 

“- Yes, okay, but not when you said you approved my views two weeks ago just to change your mind now and make me look like I’ve been talking nonsense all this time. 

- Don’t rely on me and my opinions Y/N, rely on you and what you’re thinking. Do not let other people dictate what you should think on a subject you know and love. 

- I know that, I’m not dumb, but you’re not just everyone else. You’re my teacher and you know what you’re talking about while I don’t. I’m only making assumptions and theories when you give us facts. It’s not the same. 

-  I don’t know it all, what we're making when talking about books and authors who are not here to confirm or deny is always assumptions. You know that I agree with what you said, you know my opinion on Austen and that’s all that matters. 

- But you made it look like what I was saying was irrelevant, you made me look like a fool and I don’t like it, especially when it’s coming from you.”

The two of you had gotten closer and closer, and you were now facing each other, with nothing in between to separate you anymore. Suddenly, you felt an overwhelming need to breathe in his scent, to take the step ahead that was distancing you from him and cut off the act. 

“- What do you mean especially when it’s coming from me ?”

Your breath accelerated when Yunho stepped forward one more time, getting way much closer than decency would allow. But you didn’t make any movement to escape. Because deep down, you wanted this, you craved this. You saw his hand coming up to your face before feeling his fingers brushing against the skin covering your jaw, leading you to raise your head and dive into his eyes. You’ve never seen him from this angle, but with the light of the late afternoon casting shadows on his face, he had never looked prettier.

“- I asked you a question, Y/N.

- I… It’s inappropriate, I shouldn’t say it, I shouldn’t even think about it.”

Despite your words that should deter him from going any further, he swiped his thumb across your bottom lip, smearing your lip gloss. You could hear your own heart beating, aware of every breath you took and every movement of your body. When your eyes met his once again, it was as if adrenaline was spreading through your veins, a sensation that gave you the impression that you were flying. Your gaze flicked down to his lips one second too long for him not to notice and that was Yunho’s last straw as he let his hands drop down to your waist. 

“- I don’t think I should think about what is on my mind right now either.”

As if it was the hint you needed, you grabbed his neck to pull him down to your level. Your lips brushed against his one time, and the next time they met, it was for a real kiss. Yunho squeezed your waist tighter, tugging you closer to him as he let his desire take over his reason. He shouldn’t do that, but your lips tasted like the vanilla chapstick you were always putting on during his classes and that he was dying inside to kiss away. 

It was like your mouth had a mind on its own, kissing your teacher like your life depended on it. You weren’t thinking about the fact that anybody could come in and interrupt you, you weren’t thinking about the fact that what you were doing was forbidden. All you felt was the softness of his hair between your fingers, his large hands on your lower back, and his tongue playing with yours. It all felt too good to stop. 

“- Where are you going ?”

You were putting on your shoes when Dajeong’s voice interrupted you, a knowing smile on her lips. She knew very well where you were going every time you left late at night, during the weekends, she just wanted to tease you.

“- San invited me over, I’m gonna stay the night.

- Of course you are.”

She gave you a little slap on your ass before going back to the series she was watching on the living room TV. Usually, you would’ve laughed or been as excited as her to see your friend but not today. When San had proposed to you to come to his apartment to fool around, you weren’t surprised. It happened often, when neither of you wanted to be alone, when you needed someone to relieve the pressure. And most of the time, you really enjoyed the time you spent together, fooling around without any feelings. But tonight, it was for more selfish reasons that you said yes. 

Because when San was touching you, you were only able to think back to how Yunho’s fingers squeezing your waist felt. And when he kissed you, you could only think back to the way Yunho’s lips made your whole body come alive again. And when he fucked you, you wished it could be Yunho instead. You felt bad, both because you were using your friend to quit thinking about someone else, and because that someone else was your teacher. 

It shouldn’t have felt so good to kiss him, it shouldn’t have sparked a flame and made you crave more, it shouldn’t have made you want to drop to your knees for him. You should’ve been disgusted with yourself and what you did, you should’ve been apologising to him the very next day. But you couldn’t bring yourself to hate this moment, nor to forget it. It was engraved in your memory, enough for you to search him up on social media even when San was holding you in his arms, both of you still naked. It was wrong, once again, but you already crossed the line too many times to count, so who cared anymore ?

For a few weeks, you didn’t even dare to look at him too long, afraid to remember once again how delicious his lips felt on yours. And you didn’t feel his eyes following your every movement like you grew used to. It felt weird, to not have his gaze focused on you, and to see him avert even looking your way during each one of his classes. You stopped going to the debate class, and you stopped answering every one of his questions during lectures. 

And Yunho felt like he had fucked everything up. He should’ve stopped when he started to be attracted to you. He should’ve stopped when he started to seek out your presence even more. He should’ve stopped before kissing you. After you ran away last time, he considered sending you a text to apologise, and ask you to not say anything about what happened. But he didn’t, he wanted to let you breathe and have some time for yourself. Except that he started to get worried about the situation. You hadn’t tried to talk about it with him, you hadn’t come to the debate class since this incident. He spent all his time trying to figure out how to handle the mess he created. That was the question going through his mind once more when you stepped into his classroom for the debate club, looking around to see that no one except you and him were here. 

“- Uh… I’m sorry, did I miss something ?”

Yunho turned to you, and for the first time in weeks, he really looked at you, taking in your silhouette and your outfit - one of the little skirts you loved so much, and your signature black, thigh boots. He should’ve been stressed to see you again, anxious to have to talk to you about this kiss. But instead he felt relief wash over him, and it was like he could breathe again. He looked down at the paper covering his usually organised desk, realising that he had to answer you, even if his voice was shaking a little. 

“- I cancelled today’s reunion, I wasn’t feeling very well.”

You nodded your head, looking around the classroom as if you were searching for something. You debated in your head if you should address the subject with your teacher or not. You were too nervous to talk about it, afraid that he would act like it didn’t ever happen, or worse, as if it didn’t mean anything to him. You were about to go away, to run away, like the other time, when you heard his voice behind you, loud and clear. 

“- Wait ! Please, wait. We need to talk.”

You hesitated for a few moments, your hand hovering above the doorknob. Yunho saw your arm drop by your side before you turned around, taking some steps in his direction, and he was already relieved that you weren’t going to find him disgusting or scream at him. He didn’t need much time to figure out what he was going to tell you, having replayed this exact scene again and again in his head, too many times for his own good. 

“- I have to apologise for what happened last time. It was never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, or to scare you away. And I’m also sorry for kissing you like that, it was wrong of me, I should’ve never done that. We can forget all about it, or you can do whatever you want because I’ve done enough to make things worse.”

You stayed silent, for seconds that felt like hours for Yunho. He prayed inside that you were going to forgive him, that you were going to tell him that it was okay, that you would simply not talk about it ever again and let him feel guilty about this for the rest of his life. 

“- It’s okay Mr. Jeong, it was a mistake, it could’ve happened to everyone. And I have some parts to take in this too. But I understand. It was a mistake anyway, it didn’t mean anything.” 

It didn’t mean anything. These were the words he unconsciously hoped you wouldn’t pronounce. Because even if he tried to deny it, it meant something to him. It meant so much that he couldn’t stop thinking about it. It meant so much that everytime he sat at his desk, he thought back to the moment he kissed you. It meant so much that even weeks later, he still didn’t forget the taste of your lips, the feeling of having you so close to him. And he craved it. He needed it again. 

“- It’s okay if you want to think about it as a mistake.

- Why are you saying that ?

- Because for me it wasn’t.”

His eyes crossed yours, enough for him to see this little spark he noticed before he captured your lips last time. Maybe it wasn’t only a mistake for you either. Maybe he didn’t fuck it all up. Maybe he still had a chance to make this right, if there was any way to make all of this right.

“- It did mean something to me. I… I haven't stopped thinking about it. I can’t focus on anything else other than you.”

It was as if your breath was knocked out of your lungs again. He did that too much lately. But the intensity with which he was staring at you and your lips, and his confession had your heart feeling weak. And surely, you shouldn’t indulge in your fantasy. Surely, you shouldn’t let yourself get seduced by your teacher. But you were already in too deep, and you couldn’t ignore anymore the way he was making you feel. 

“- I can’t either. I think… I think you should kiss me again, maybe it’ll help.

- Maybe you’re right.”

Yunho bypassed his desk, and you joined him, throwing yourself in his arms. He cradled your face between his hands, and this time he didn’t hesitate when he put his lips on yours, sighing in relief when the taste of your vanilla chapstick invaded his senses again. And the way you were tugging at his suit jacket to pull him closer to you told him everything he needed to know. 

“- Fuck… I missed you so bad Y/N, thought I had messed up everything.”

You stared up at him, now able to see the lust, the desire he had for you going through his brown eyes, and it made your inside flip. You had dreamt about this so much, even if you would’ve rather died than admitted it. But it was true. You were dreaming about having him so close to you, about having him tell you how much he wanted you, about having him just like this. 

“- You didn’t, not at all.”

That was all the talking that was made. Because you already talked too much, and even if he loved hearing your soft voice, all Yunho needed right now was to taste you again, to drown himself in your body and your addicting, intoxicating scent. You didn’t stop him when he reached for your thighs to lift you up and drop you on his desk, not caring about the assignments sheets you were sitting on. 

You discovered the way his lips against yours felt again, savoured the way his tongue played with yours again. And you loved it just as much as the first time, maybe even more. Because this time, you were truly desperate to feel as much as him as possible. You reached to grab his waist, spreading your legs and bringing him even closer to you. And Yunho complied, because he was just as desperate to finally have you all for himself. He let his hands wander from your back to your thighs, and feeling up your bare skin under his fingers was already driving him crazy. 

You tilted your head to the side when Yunho displaced his kisses from the corner of your mouth, to your jawline and then the side of your neck. He was almost devouring you, but you weren’t complaining : it was exactly what you wanted, exactly what you needed. You felt his hands creep up higher, reaching for the hem of your skirt, and his hot breath hitting the now wet skin of your neck. 

“- Do you know how bad I wanted to do this every time you walked in my classroom wearing those skirts and these boots ? Do you know how hard it was to not think about doing exactly that whenever you were looking at me ?”

You let out a moan, not really knowing if it was because of what he just told you or because of the fact that he just gave you a hickey. Your heart was beating too fast, adrenaline rushing through your veins as Yunho kissed down your clothed-covered body, making his way to where his hands were still laying. But it was only when he dropped on his knees and pushed your legs apart some more that you realised what he was doing, your words getting stuck in your throat and being replaced by a pathetic whimper when he kissed the inside of your left thigh instead.

“- Is that okay ?

- Y-Yes Mr. Jeong.

- Call me Yunho, will you ?”

You quickly nodded your head, already far too gone because of his feather like touch everywhere except where you needed him the most. 

“- Good girl.”

And as if it wasn’t already enough to get another noise out of you, he pushed your skirt higher up your thighs, revealing your soaked panties to his hungry gaze. Immediately, he dived in, licking a strip of your arousal through the material of your underwear. This time, another moan escaped you and it encouraged Yunho to push the piece of clothing to the side and taste your juices for real. The groan he let out against your folds had you shivering ang trying to close your legs around his head. But he was holding them with an iron grip, making it impossible for you to move. 

You threw your head back when he sucked on your clit for the first time, one of your hands flying to take a hold of his hair, keeping him just where he was. He ate you out just like he kissed you - hungrily, like a starved man, like it was his last meal. And you were loving it all, trying to keep down your noises because anyone walking by the classroom could hear you and decide to walk in, and you could get in trouble. But the thrill of getting caught was making everything feel so much better. 

“- Feeling good, angel ?

- Yes, so good, don’t stop please…”

The nickname had your legs trembling in no time, and the way he was lapping at your cunt had you close to the edge already. You could feel your pussy clenching around nothing as he sucked on your clit again, making more of your juices come out that he didn’t waste any time licking up. The force with which he was holding your thighs open made you wonder if he could use the same strength to put you in all the positions he wished, if he would use the same strength on you to make you unable to move and fuck you until you passed out. 

“- Yunho… I’m close…”

He hummed against you, doubling his efforts to bring you to the edge. He didn’t need to do much, because you had been waiting for this for too long, and because he felt too good to resist. As you felt your orgasm wash over you, your hand that wasn’t busy in his hair gripped the first things you could reach - one of the paper scattered on his desk, and you couldn’t even feel guilty about the way you crumpled it between your fingers, the rush of pleasure taking over you so strongly you couldn’t bring yourself to care about anything else. 

When you had regained enough consciousness for your legs to support your weight again, Yunho helped you come down off his desk, his hands not leaving your waist even when you were standing in front of him. You smiled when you saw how much you had messed up his hair, as they were going in every direction, and you tried to smother it a little. 

“- Let me see you this week-end if you are free. I want us to talk, and I want to take my time with you, make you understand everything you make me feel.”

And you agreed. Of course. But you started to regret it when you found yourself all alone, in the room of the hotel Yunho had sent you the address of. You were aware that you couldn’t just welcome him at your dorm, or go to his apartment either, because there were risks that someone would recognize you. So here you were, waiting for him. Despite what had happened earlier this week, it still felt incredibly wrong to be there, to do what you were about to do. You looked around the room, where nothing felt familiar and everything felt odd, as if you shouldn’t be here. You were almost ready to leave when the door opened and Yunho entered. 

He was dressed in a pair of black pants, some sneakers and a beige pullover. His casual outfit clashed with the slightly revealing white dress you were wearing underneath your trench. And you felt ridiculous for thinking that putting on something like this was appropriate, though nothing about this situation was appropriate. 

“- I’m sorry, I couldn’t find anywhere to park my car.”

Yunho’s voice broke down the heavy silence hanging in the air, but it didn’t dissipate the strange atmosphere. The room was filled with tension, with unspoken words, with something dangerous and forbidden, but so tempting. 

“- It’s okay, I haven’t been here for long.”

The moment was awkward, neither one of you knowing what to do with themselves. You couldn’t tell him that you were about to leave when he arrived. And he couldn't tell you that the real reason he was late was because he hesitated before coming. But all it took was one eye contact, one look a little too insistent at each other for your lips to find themselves once again, as if they knew better than yourselves what you wanted. And suddenly, nothing felt weird anymore, nothing felt wrong anymore, and everything was finally fitting perfectly - from the way he was holding your waist, to the way the skin of his neck felt under your fingertips. 

“- I missed you.”

The words he whispered against your lips made you feel everything you’ve been needing without knowing it. And you thought that maybe, this wasn’t such a big mistake. And when Yunho’s hands found their way underneath the skirt of your dress to caress the soft skin of your plush thighs, your brain disconnected, letting your emotions control you instead. You got rid of your trench, the material falling to the ground and soon joined by his jacket. You didn’t resist when he grabbed you by your waist to hold you flush against him and kiss you again, finally letting your hands slip under the hem of his pullover and touching his skin. Once again, the way he was kissing you left you dizzy, unable to think about anything other than him. 

“- This dress… 

- Do you like it ? Or is it too much ?

- Fuck, no, it’s…”

He took another look at the way the white tissue was hugging all your curves just right, underlining your silhouette and making you look like an angel. And the fact that you dressed up just for him made his hunger for you grow even more. So when he felt the urge to kiss you again, and again, and again, he gave into it, like he had wanted to for so much longer than he thought. 

“- It’s perfect, you’re beautiful.”

You wanted to compliment him right back, but he didn’t give you enough time to do so, mingling his tongue with yours instead. And you didn’t complain, because you couldn’t get enough of the taste of his lips, of the way his big hands were guiding you to sit on the bed, of the way he was looking at you. You watched closely as he got on his knees to get you rid of these thigh boots that were driving him crazy. Then, he helped you out of your dress, revealing your white lingerie set. 

You thought you would’ve been shy, or embarrassed to let him see you like this. But all you felt right now was desire, and confidence. You smiled when you saw him lick his lips while staring down at your body, and while he wasn’t paying attention, you started to unbuckle his belt. Yunho let you do what you wanted, obeying when you asked him to take off his pullover. When you managed to get rid of his pants, you finally allowed yourself to properly drool over him.

You looked up at him from your sitting position on the bed, while he was still standing in between your legs. It was like crossing his gaze at this precise moment made you realise how real all of this was, and you were hit with the fact that you were really going to fuck with your teacher. But you couldn’t find it in you to fight the feeling anymore. It was too late anyway, you couldn’t go back even if you wanted to. 

So you did nothing to stop him when Yunho pushed your shoulders so you would lay on the bed. You did nothing to stop him when he started to kiss your neck and covered the skin in his marks. You did nothing to stop him when his hands began to roam all around your body because he couldn’t choose only one spot to touch and focus on, because he needed all of you. 

“- I thought you wanted to talk.”

But with the way your fingers were threading through his hair as he massaged your breast over your bra, you definitely weren’t up to talk either. 

“- We’re gonna talk, but after I’ve fucked you.”

He punctuated his sentence by pushing your boobs out of your bra and leaning down to suck on your right nipple. And you couldn’t contradict him when all you were able to do was moan and ask for more. Yunho slowly made his way down to your panties, kissing every part of your exposed skin until he could remember every mole and imperfection of your body. And by the time he took off your underwear, you were already dripping wet and you couldn’t breathe properly anymore. 

“- Please Yunho, please don’t tease…

- Why’s that angel ? You need me that bad ?

- Yes, yes I need you, I want you.”

Finally hearing it from you and not from the dreams he was making did it for Yunho as he searched for a condom in his jacket’s pocket, while you were throwing away the last pieces of clothing separating your skin from his. And you couldn’t help admiring him and his tall frame, his sculpted back, the veins in his hands and arms, his abs slightly peaking out. Everything about him, every inch of him was perfect, made by the Gods. 

And you couldn’t tear your eyes away from his cock either, following his every movement as he got rid of his boxers and put the condom on. It was big, but just as pretty as him, and you already knew he would fill you up just right. When he was close enough to the bed again, you grabbed his hands, pulling him to lay on top of you and kissing him like it was the last time you could taste his lips. 

“- Please Yunho, fuck me…”

And he couldn’t do anything else than do it, sliding right in with how wet you were even if you could still feel the way his cock was stretching you out. But you couldn’t help the moan escaping you when he bottomed out, nor could Yunho stop himself from groaning at how tight you were clenching around him. 

“- Feeling so good around me angel, like you were made for me.”

You were ready to answer, but the force with which he thrusted inside of you stopped you from doing so, uttering a strangled noise instead that was quickly replaced by endless whines and moans as Yunho started to fuck into you. It was as if he knew exactly how to make you feel good, as if he already knew your body like the back of his hand. He found his way to your waist again, pinning your hips down to the mattress so he could do what he wanted, fuck you like he had been wanting to for far too long. 

You could feel your mind drifting far away as all the tension you accumulated these past weeks left your body, washed away by pleasure and desire, washed away by the way Yunho was looking down at you with hooded eyes, lips parted and letting out the most sinful sounds you’ve ever heard. But you needed to feel him even closer to you, impossibly closer to you. So you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him down against you. He reached for your legs, guiding you to bend them more until he could hit this sweet spot that made your head fall back with a cry of his name. 

“- I’m not gonna last long angel, been waiting for this for too long. 

- Me too, I’m close, please… 

- You sound so hot when you’re begging.”

You made sure to remember this piece of information before abandoning yourself to the feeling of his cock hitting all the right spots, and of his skilled fingers teasing your clit, the combination making you clench around him impossibly tight as the wave of your orgasm crashed over you. Your release triggered Yunho as he buried his face in your neck, groaning about how good you felt while filling up the condom with his cum. And the crazy thought of him filling you up instead crossed your mind, and it made the feeling of slight overstimulation even more intense. 

You were so out of it that you almost didn’t feel the moment when Yunho got up to throw away the condom. You had purposefully decided to not think about all the consequences that what you just did implied, you just wanted to enjoy this a little longer. So when he came to lay down with you again, you got closer to him immediately, like magnets who couldn’t resist the attraction. His fingers brushing against your cheek encouraged you to turn your head to the side, diving in his hypnotising brown eyes. You stayed like that for a moment, simply looking at each other without saying anything. And as if it was the only thing your bodies knew how to do, you joined your lips again. 

This time, it was slower, more sensual. If before you were devouring each other, now you took your time to savour the taste of his lips and tongue, to appreciate the way his hands were gliding on your skin, tracing invisible patterns on your lower back. It felt so much more intimate than what all this should have been, but it was too late, so you might as well fuck it all up completely. 

This time, Yunho didn’t rush anything, letting you decide on the pace. He let you do what you wanted when you got on top of him, let you deepen the kiss, he let you caress and discover his body. Your kisses wandered from the corner of his mouth to his jawline, going down to his neck, his collarbone, his pecks, his abs, his v-line, careful not to leave any marks on him. You could hide the single hickey he gave you, but you didn’t want to take any risk. When you reached his inner thighs, his hands had made their way to your head, his fingers tangling between the messy strands of your hair. You looked up at him, the desire pouring from your eyes making his heart beat faster. 

“- Can I ?

- Do whatever you want, angel.”

You smiled before you resumed your soft kisses along the skin of his thighs. But this time, you let them go up to his hardening dick. It was even prettier up close - and you’ve never thought you would say that about a dick one day, but you’ve never thought you would fuck with your teacher either. You kissed his length from the tip to the base, before running your tongue along the path you had traced. The action got a gasp out of Yunho, and you could feel him staring down at you as you kitten licked his flushed tip a few times. You wanted to take things slow, to remember this for as long as possible, but you were craving his taste, craving to feel him even more so you just took him into your mouth. He was big to say the least, and you could feel him, heavy on your tongue, stretching your throat as you started to bob your head up and down, stroking with your hands what you couldn’t fit in your mouth.

Yunho watched you intently, mouth slightly open and letting out sighs and grunts because you just felt that good. The sinful vision you offered was enough to make these weeks of mentally torturing himself totally worth it. Maybe he shouldn’t love the way you were making him feel, maybe he shouldn’t love the way you were whining around his shaft, maybe he shouldn’t love the way saliva was spilling out from the corners of your mouth. But he couldn’t care less when he gripped your hair harder and you moaned around his cock, eyes watering and nails digging into the skin of his thighs. 

“- Shit angel, you’re taking it so well. You’re so good to me.”

You hummed around him once more, resisting the urge to gag around him, relaxing your throat until you could take all of him in your mouth. You felt Yunho sit up straight, so he could get a better look at the way his cock was sliding in and out of your lips with ease. The sight was truly mesmerising, and he wanted to engrave it in his memory. 

“- I want to fuck your throat so bad, angel. Will you let me ?”

The pleased sound you let out after he grazed your scalp a few times let him know how willing you were to do just that. Yunho pulled on your hair roughly, forcing you to take all of him, until your nose was rubbing against his stomach and your hands were desperately pawing at his thighs. His thrusts were slow but hard, just what you wanted, just what you needed. 

“- You’re such a good girl Y/N, fuck, you’re going to make me cum. I can do it inside of your pretty mouth, right ?”

You agreed with strangled noises as best as you could with the way he was ruining your throat, but it was enough for Yunho to understand and a few seconds later, he buried himself as deep as he could one last time, cumming down your throat with a loud moan of your name. You did your best to shallow everything, some drops of the sticky substance spilling out. Yunho didn’t waste time picking them up with his fingers, sliding them between your lips instead of his cock, commanding for you to lick them clean, which you gladly did. When he finally let you breathe again, your throat was sore, but you were so wet you could feel your juices sliding down the inside of your thighs. 

“- Open your mouth for me angel, yes just like that. Good girl.”

Yunho grabbed you by your throat bringing your face closer to his and kissing you messily. He didn’t care that he just came into your mouth, he didn’t care that he could still feel his own taste on your tongue as you made out with him, on the contrary, it made everything so much more intense, so much better, so much more special. 

“- Was it good ?

- It was a perfect angel, you’re perfect.”

His hands slid down from your neck to your ass, guiding you to sit on his lap. His touch made you shiver, your back arching unconsciously. 

“- Want me to return the favour angel ?

- Yes please, I want your fingers…”

Yunho pushed you so you would lay down on the bed again, his fingers immediately dipping to your core, brushing lightly against your clit. His fingertips glided with ease against your slit, collecting your juices and spreading them everywhere. And you were hypnotised by the sight, thinking about how well his long fingers would fit perfectly inside of you, how they could reach your sweet spot so easily. 

“- You’re so wet, Y/N, you’re dripping on my hand.

- Please, Yunho…”

The way you were begging for him, the way you were calling his name, the way you were grabbing his biceps, trying to entice him in finally pushing his fingers inside of you - everything was driving him crazy, you were driving him crazy, and he was convinced that he didn’t want all of that to ever stop. His gaze was fixed on your face scrunching up with pleasure when he finally put one finger inside of your clenching pussy. 

“- Feels good ?

- Yes, so good.

- You want another one ?

- Please…”

Yunho bit his lip when he watched you take his second finger with ease, relishing in your sweet voice moaning at the way he was able to reach so deep without making any efforts. You were being so good, and he didn’t have to do anything for you to do so. You were pleading for him so easily, like it was natural, and that was making him feel even more dizzy with want and desire for you. He started to pump his fingers slowly, the squelching sounds from your wet cunt echoing through the room along with your whimpers for more. His other hand creeped up to your thigh, making sure to keep them open. Pleasure was clouding your mind, but your eyes were unable to leave the sight of the veins bulging in his forearms as he fingered you restlessly, thinking about all the ways he could control you, about all the positions he could put you in if he wanted to. 

And when it all started to feel too good, you plopped down against the pillows, not able to hold your own weight anymore from how his fingers were making you feel. Whenever he was curling them against that one spot, your brain turned to mush, and you could only whine and cry for more. You closed your eyes, already feeling close to your relief, but not wanting him to stop. 

“- Yunho… 

- What do you want, angel ?

- I-I want you to fuck me again, please…”

He didn’t let you have any time to think as he bent down to kiss you again, as a reward for being so good to him, so good for him, so perfect for him.

“- Cum on my fingers first, and I’ll fuck you as many time as you want, okay ?”

You nodded energetically, too turned on to think about anything else that wasn’t him. He let down your thigh to circle your clit, efficiently bringing you to your climax in seconds. Your nails dug into his biceps as the rush was taking over you, clenching around his fingers and moaning so loudly he was certain that the people in the room next to you could hear you scream his name. But he loved it, he was loving all of this a little too much. 

But Yunho didn’t ask himself more questions as he got up to find another condom in his pockets. He didn’t dare interrogate why it felt so good when he entered your pussy for the second time. He wasn’t even sure if he wanted to know why hearing you moan his name again and again made his heart beat faster. All he wanted right now was you, all he needed right now was you and your perfect body. 

This time, he wanted to feel you, to really feel you. So he purposely slowed down his thrusts, and even when you wrapped your legs around his waist, all he did was to suck another hickey in between your breasts. It was frustrating, but it also felt insanely good, the type of pleasure that made you unable to think, that made you go to another world because it just felt that good. You knew you were babbling incoherently, mewling for him to go faster, but you were already too far gone to care about how desperate you must look. 

In the heat of the moment, Yunho didn’t think twice before grabbing your wrists and pinning them down to the mattress, but you only whined and clenched around him tighter as an answer. And that made him lose control, his thrusts becoming more sloppy, without any rhythm, because you just felt that good. 

“- Yunho ! I’m gonn- Ah ! Oh my god…

- Cum for me angel, fuck, let me hear you.”

His words pushed you over the edge, the overstimulation from your two previous orgasm making this one feel even more intense and fulfilling. Your moans were high-pitched, but you couldn’t keep your voice down, you couldn’t bring yourself to care about anything else than Yunho, Yunho, Yunho. You could hear him groan as he pulled out, throwing the condom away to pump himself on top of you. He only needed a few seconds to cum on your chest, the white fluid soon covering them and even that felt good. 

You felt so out of your own body that you almost didn’t register when Yunho grabbed some tissues to clean your skin. But the ringtone of your phone was like a brutal reminder that this was only a little bubble that couldn’t last forever. You got up from the bed to answer your phone, Dajeong on the other line reminding you of a gathering with some of your friends that you had completely forgotten, too focused on Yunho and what you just did. As soon as you hung up, you started to put your clothes back on. The awkward silence from before was coming back, but you didn’t want to end it like that. You wished you could’ve stayed with him a little longer, but you had to be realistic : you weren’t his girlfriend and you’ll never be. But when he grabbed your arm and kissed you passionately while you were fully dressed up and he was only wearing his underwear, it felt exactly like that. 

“- Text me later, okay ? I still want us to talk.”

This was becoming too serious for you and you could feel your heart beating too fast for your liking when he cradled your face in his hands to force you to meet his eyes. 

“- So you want to see me again ?

- How could I not ?”

You simply smiled and kissed him again before you left. Your legs were still weak, and when you looked at your reflections in the mirror of the elevator, it was like what you did was written all over your face - in your smudged lipstick and your ruffled hair. But it felt too good, and you were already addicted. You knew it would not be easy to stop, but you preferred to pretend that it could last forever for now. 

You were afraid that everything would feel weird, that you wouldn’t even dare to look at him, or that maybe he would be the one putting an end to all of this. But he didn’t. And the way he was looking at you during his classes could only mean that he craved you just as much as you craved him. And stealing glances at each other was basically all you were able to do for the whole week, because you had a ton of assignments to work on, and because he had too much work. Both of you agreed through text that it was too risky to do anything on the campus, that nothing should happen again in his office. 

However, that didn’t stop your mind from coming back to when he ate you out on his desk, or to him fucking you, or to the way his cock was feeling so heavy on your tongue. And that didn’t stop Yunho from thinking back to your plush thighs clenching around his head, or to your taste, or the way you were screaming his name when he was hitting the right spot. Every night when you came back from your classes, you laid down on your bed, trying to make the aching in your core go away, but the only thing that could satisfy you was him, and you knew it. 

Your frustration reached its peak on Friday when Lola cancelled your night out because she had to work early the next morning. You knew it wasn’t her fault, that it was her colleague for calling in sick just so she could go see her boyfriend, but it still annoyed you, and it was the cherry on top. This whole week would have been stressing enough, but the fact that Yunho made eye contact with you whenever he could, and that he purposefully brushed his fingers against yours every time he handed you some documents added to your irritation. 

You didn’t think twice when you sent him a text, asking him to join you to the hotel because you needed him badly. You didn’t feel ashamed of how desperate and needy you were, because you were too horny to care about the fact that you shouldn’t miss him so much after only one week of not seeing each other. And maybe Yunho should have resisted more but he longed for you, he had wanted you all week and he couldn’t contain his desire anymore. 

This time, he didn’t even greet you when he entered the hotel room, going straight for your lips and taking control of the kiss, devouring your mouth as if you were his oxygen. Maybe you should've talked before doing this again, but lust was clouding his and your mind, none of you thinking about anything else than releasing the tension. 

Soon enough, the floor was covered in your clothes as Yunho manhandled you on your knees, ass up and face down in the pillows, two of his fingers already buried deep inside of you. If last time, he wanted to take his time, today he just needed to ruin you, to break you down, to see you cry for him. And that was exactly what you wanted him to do, what you needed him to do to you. Your brain had already been disconnected, the words coming out of your mouth against your will. 

“- Please Yunho fuck me, please wanna feel you raw, want you to fill me up, please…”

His fingers stilled inside of you for a few seconds, almost making you cry out at the loss of stimulation. What you were asking him to do was crazy, it was not safe, but the way his dick throbbed made all the thinking for him - he wanted that, he dreamt about that.

“- Are you sure about that angel ? 

- Yes, please ! I’m on the pill, I’ll take a plan B, but please I need you, please…”

It was still dangerous, it was still nonsense, but Yunho wasn’t thinking with his brain anymore, nothing logical was crossing his mind anymore. 

“- Fuck, you’re going to kill me Y/N.”

But he loved it, and he loved how tight you felt around him when he pushed his cock inside, loved how he could feel you even better like that, loved how pliant you were in his hold. He gripped your waist as he bottomed out, forcing you to stay still and all you could do was moan out his name like a prayer, because you could feel everything, because it felt even more intense like that, because his strength excited you. And Yunho didn’t hesitate when he started to pound into you, the feeling of your bare cunt around his dick making him delirious. You arched your back more, trying to fuck yourself against his cock because you always wanted more, you always craved more. 

“- You’re such a slut, angel. Fuck ! You’re letting me fuck you raw but you get shy when I look at you, uh ? You’re so fucking naughty.”

You adored it when he called you his good girl, but the way he was holding the back of your neck to keep your head buried in the pillow, and the way he was ruining you felt just as good. The adrenaline rushing in your veins had you getting closer to the edge so quickly, but you didn’t want him to stop. You were unable to say anything else than his name, choking on your words, mewling from the tip of his cock kissing your cervix. 

And Yunho wanted to talk dirty to you, to whisper all the things he knew you loved in your ears, but his mind was clouded with want, and he couldn’t think straight. All he wanted was to spill his load inside of you, do the things he imagined when he was alone, these things he forbade himself to think about. But now he could, and he never felt better than buried deep inside your tight cunt. 

“- Gonna cum inside of you, okay ? Gonna fill you up like the slut you are, angel.

- Please !”

The moan he let out when he stilled inside of you was so erotic you could’ve come only listening to his voice, but the feeling of his cum painting your insides white was what made it for you, your body growing limp in his hold. His grip on your neck and hips tightened, maybe enough to leave you with some marks but you didn’t care. Both of you had trouble coming down, but when you were finally able to, Yunho helped you lay down with him, your head resting on his chest as you were still trying to catch your breath. You felt his fingers brushing your hair away from your face and you looked up at him, your heart skipping a beat when your gaze crossed. 

“- I wasn’t too rough, right ?

- No, it was perfect, I loved it.”

You smiled at each other, and even if it felt too intimate, and even if it was what couples did and not whatever the two of you were, he leaned down to kiss your lips softly. 

“- I loved it too. I think I just want to keep spending a good time with you, I don't want things to get more complicated than they already are, if that’s okay with you. Let’s keep it as simple as possible, yeah ?

- Yeah, I’d like that.”

You were the one to kiss him this time, as if you wanted to seal your agreement, as if it was a silent promise. 

“- Where are we going ?

- It’s a surprise. You can choose the music if you want.”

You didn’t waste any time going through Yunho’s playlist, teasing him about some songs you didn’t think he would listen to and finally settling on a Lana del Ray song. It had been a week since you decided to just do what felt right and not think too much, and he had asked you if you were free to spend your Saturday with him. Of course, you said yes, but you didn’t think that he would pick you up in his car and drive you somewhere, thinking he just wanted to change from the hotel you were always meeting up and show you another place, but it felt like he was literally taking you on a date. 

You watched the landscape unfold through the car window, casually chatting with Yunho about how your week went, about what you ate yesterday, about which book you read lately. Sometimes, you thought that the age difference between the two of you would make things awkward, or that it would clash with your opinions. But it was the exact opposite. Your conversations felt natural, as if you had known each other for decades, as if eight years weren’t separating you. You were twenty-two, you were an adult and you could make your own choices, but sometimes, you were worried about the way he was perceiving you. 

“- Y/N ? We’re almost there.”

You looked down at your phone, seeing that it had in fact been over an hour since he had picked you up and you apparently fell asleep. You yawned as you checked your makeup and hairstyle in the mirror of the sun visor, glad to see that your little nap hadn’t messed up anything. When Yunho stopped the car, you were in a narrow street, where not many stores could be seen. You were about to get out when he asked you to wait, getting out himself and making his way over to the passenger door, opening it for you and offering you his hand to help you out. And smiled up at him as you got out of his car. 

“- You’re such a gentleman.

- For you ? Always.”

His cheeky smile made you giggle, but the fact that he didn’t let go of your hand as he walked you to one of the few shops on the street made your heart skip a beat. He did nastier things to you, said words that would have made anyone feel embarrassed, but for some reason, this small gesture dusted your cheeks in a pink tone that wasn’t due to your excessive use of blush. 

“- I really wanted to show you this place, I think you’re gonna love it.”

He held the door for you, a little bell ringing as you entered a cute, little bookshop. The smell of old pages invaded your nostrils as Yunho guided you through the shelves with a hand on the small of your back. You couldn’t help looking all around, stunned by how much books were in there, by how many you recognized the titles of. The atmosphere of the whole boutique was welcoming and warm, the sunlight reflecting through the coloured glass of the front window displaying moving shadows everywhere and adding to its charm. 

“- You like it ?”

You turned to him with a big smile on your face, almost ready to squeal with excitement. 

“- Of course I like it ! If I could spend my life there I would !

- No one’s stopping you angel.”

A big smile spread on his face as he kissed your forehead and let you wander around, eyes opening wide every time you saw a title you recognized. You were fitting perfectly in the setting with the black bow in your hair, your little brown skirt and your white turtleneck. Yunho was so lost in his contemplation that he almost didn’t hear the lady holding the shop coming out of the stocking room.

“- Yunho ! It’s been a while since I’ve seen you there !

- Yeah Mrs. McMillan, I’m sorry I’ve been quite busy.”

The old lady shook her head, her long, white hair flying around as she did so. 

“- I’ve already told you to call me Isabel, honey, I’m not that old ! And you brought a pretty girl along this time.”

Yunho turned back to you, watching you fondly as you piled up books in your arms, and soon enough the stack would be higher than you. 

“- Is that love I’m seeing in your eyes ?

- No, not at all, she’s only a friend.”

Putting that label on you made his heart ache, because he knew you were so much more than that, and Isabel seemed to know it as well because she looked at him with a gaze filled with disapproval as you came to the counter, still smiling. 

“- Y/N, this is Isabel McMillan, she has been selling books here since I’ve been alive. 

- Nice to meet you Mrs. McMillan ! I have to say that this shop might become my new favourite place, there’s so many things there, it’s incredible !”

Your excitement was contagious as a smile took over the old woman's features too, softening at having someone as passionate as you to compliment her. 

“- Don’t take on your friend’s bad habits, call me Isabel, sweetheart. I’m glad you’re enjoying my hard work. 

- I really do. If I could, I would buy half of these books but sadly I cannot.”

As Isabel noted down the title of the books you wanted to buy - because she didn’t want to use technology, saying it was too tiring to learn these things at her advanced age - Yunho couldn’t detach his eyes from you. 

“- Since you’re with Yunho, and because I’m starting to like you, young lady, I’m going to offer you a little reduction. It’s rare to see people being so dedicated to literature these days, it will not do any harm to my business to encourage you to come again.

- Thank you so much ! But I’m gonna tell you a secret : I would’ve come back, even without that.”

The old lady laughed out loud, along with you and Yunho joined the two of you, because your good mood was infectious. 

“- Do you still have the book I asked you to put away last time ?

- Of course, honey, I’m a woman of words.”

She crouched down behind the counter and came up with a book she handed him. 

“- I’ll pay for it, and all the ones Y/N is taking.

- What ? No, Yunho this is almost fifty euros, it’s too much.

- Can’t I spoil you ? It’s my pleasure angel, I wanna do this for you so let me, okay ?”

The nickname had you unable to hold eye contact with him much longer, and you folded, letting him pay for your books, with butterflies coming alive in your stomach as he held the door for you again on your way out. And Isabel watched all this happen, and she couldn’t help scolding Yunho in his head for being so blind about his own feelings, for being so blind to the way you were looking at him with heart eyes. But after all, it was none of her business. 

“- Put the books in my car, then we can go grab a coffee if you want. 

- I’d like that, yeah ! And thank you for the books, you didn’t have to. 

- Yes, but I wanted to. Stop worrying about that okay ?”

You nodded as you reached his car and you dropped the books on his back seat. But before you could close the door, he handed you the book he took for himself. 

“- This one is also for you. I saw it last time and thought that you might like it. Maybe you could read it while I’m reading one of yours, and when we’re done, we could hand it back with annotations and talk about it. What do you think ?”

When you looked up at him, he looked anxious, maybe because he thought that you wouldn’t like his idea. But you did, the simple fact that he thought about you when seeing this book made you feel dizzy. 

“- I think I love this idea. Wait a minute.”

You turned around, rummaging through all your new books in search of the one you saw and that you bought for the sole reason that it reminded you of him. 

“- I picked up this one thinking about you, actually, so you might read it as well.”

You handed him the book, and he took it gladly as you grabbed the one he picked up for you too. You finally closed the car door and you both headed downtown to find a coffee shop. The first time your hand brushed against his, you didn’t dare to take it. And the second time, he didn’t dare to do it. So the third time, you took a deep breath and intertwined your fingers with his, and he gave your hand a little squeeze, both of you wearing a bright smile on your faces. 

The coffee shop you found was surprisingly pretty empty considering it was a Saturday evening, but you were glad there were not that many people. When you approached the counter, you were ready to recite your favourite coffee order when Yunho took the lead and listed down your usual as if it was written in his mind. You couldn’t even listen to the rest of the things he said to the cashier, focused on why he knew that when you never told him. He must’ve noticed you blankly staring at him, because he turned to you with a little smirk. 

“- What ? You’re surprised I know this ?

- Yes, a little. How did you figure it out ?

- Well, you always come to my classes with the same thing, it was not difficult to notice.”

You rolled your eyes, mainly to hide how flustered the information made you feel. 

“- You’re so obsessed with me.”

As the cashier put your orders down on the counter and announced the price of your drinks, Yunho mouthed “Yes” to you as he paid again for the both of you without letting you enough time to even reach for your purse. And before you could even start to protest, he effectively shut you up by kissing your cheek and dragging you along with him to find an isolated table where you both sat down. As always, the conversation flooded naturally, and you were not thinking about anything displeasing - in this instant, you were truly happy. 

And Yunho was happy too. So when you proposed to play a card game, and that the winner could ask the loser a question about anything, he agreed, even if it was silly, it was okay because it was you. You asked him what his favourite colour was, why he wanted to become a teacher, what he would say to Oscar Wilde if he could talk to him. And he asked you which Austen novel was your favourite, why you wanted to study literature, what your biggest dream was. You were so immersed in your little game that the staff of the coffee shop had to ask you to leave because they were closing the place, and the sky was indeed darker as you got out to walk back to his car. 

He opened the door for you again, and as you watched him make his way to the driver seat, you couldn’t help asking yourself if that was really all he wanted from this afternoon. After all, even if you didn’t put a label on your relationship - if you could even call it that - you knew deep down that the main reason he was seeing you was sex. And if he didn’t plan on having sex with you now, does this mean that this meeting you didn’t dare call a date was only that ? But then, it took you down a rabbit hole of never ending questions that you didn’t want to dig into.

Sensing that your mood was a little down, Yunho didn’t dare to talk too much and disturb you, even if he didn’t understand why. You had a good time, you couldn’t stop smiling and you really seemed to enjoy hanging out with him. And the thought that you could be questioning yourself about your situationship made him a little nervous, though it shouldn’t because this was what it was - a situationship. And it didn’t matter if you made his heart beat faster everytime he saw you. And it didn’t matter if you made him feel alive for the first time in years. It didn’t matter because having more with you was simply impossible. When Yunho parked in front of your dorm, all the serotonin from this day had been washed away with the doubts filling him up.

“- Thank you for everything Yunho, I had a great time.”

But your smile seemed fake, it didn’t reach your eyes as it usually did. And Yunho felt his heart clench painfully. He didn’t want you to feel sad with him. Never. You were supposed to enjoy his company as much as he enjoyed yours. 

“- Are you really alright ? If I overstepped, tell me, please. I don’t want you to keep these things from me Y/N.”

You sighed as you turned your gaze away from him, but his hands on either side of your face forced you to look him in the eyes again. Why did he have to be so perfect all the time ? It would’ve made things so much easier if he didn’t care about you.

“- You did nothing wrong, I’m just thinking too much. 

- About what ?

- I just think we should be more careful if we start going out like that because someone could recognize us. And you could lose your job, or I could get kicked out. I’m probably just being paranoid but…”

That was not the problem, but you didn’t want to talk about the real reason you were feeling so melancholic. Because it would probably ruin everything, and you needed him too much for your own good, you needed him too much to risk losing him.

“- You’re not being crazy, okay ? I understand, and if you’re afraid we might meet someone we know, we can go somewhere else next time, anywhere you wanna go, i’ll take you. How does that sound ? 

- Good. It sounds good.

- Then we’ll be doing that.” 

You nodded, and even if you still felt a little bad, one look from him was enough to make you feel better, to make your worries all go away. So even if your heart was screaming for you not to, you let him kiss your forehead, and then your lips, so softly it made you weak in the knees. But it felt too good to ask him to stop. So you didn’t, and you just kissed him back until you were out of breath. 

“- I’m gonna go, I have to work on your assignment because fucking the teacher won’t get me a free pass, right ?

- That’s the spirit angel, I’m always expecting the best from you.

- Then I have to start now. Be careful on the road, Yu.”

He nodded and watched you get out of his car, not leaving until he saw you get inside the building of your dorm. And then only did he authorise himself to let out a sigh. Because you were too sweet to be true, because you gave him a little nickname that had him feeling much more things than he shouldn’t, because your scent was still lingering everywhere and it was driving him crazy. You were driving him crazy, to be honest. 

And it was bad, really bad. Yunho didn't mean for things to go this far, but he felt like he couldn’t stop now. And if he was honest with himself, he didn’t want to stop now that he had a taste of you. However, it still felt incredibly wrong to go home to his girlfriend when he had spent the day with you and that he didn’t think about her only once. The smell of home cooked food hit him as soon as he stepped inside, and the weight on his shoulders even more heavy as he announced that he was home. 

“- You’re coming back late, baby ! But that’s okay, at least everything is ready for dinner, I made your favourite !”

Guiltiness was creeping up inside of him with every word she said, and everything sounded so fake when he served her his lie about having an important meeting with his colleagues. She didn’t deserve this, she didn’t do anything for him to stop loving her. On the contrary, Hana was always sweet and caring, she was there for him and had been for years. But maybe it was the problem. Maybe it has been too long.  But Yunho perfectly knew the real reason, it was just too painful to admit it, and it would make things too real. 

For a while, he preferred to ignore the fact that you were making the flames come alive again in his heart. He preferred to ignore how much stronger his feelings for you were than for his girlfriend he was supposed to love and cherish and marry soon. But was it really a crime when everything she was doing, everything they were doing seemed faked, forced, done out of habit rather than because of true love and affection ? Yunho knew that he was already in too deep with you to stop, and the way Hana was not paying attention to what he was saying was making him feel a little less remorseful about the way he was only seeing your face when she was kissing him good night. 

Work and classes have been hectic for the both of you these past weeks, so Yunho’s proposal of a getaway trip to the beach this weekend felt like a bubble of oxygen. Sure, you had seen each other, but for never more than a quickie. Sure, you didn’t stop sending each other texts and photos to keep up with your days, but you wanted to hear him calling you angel again. And even if it was supposed to be only that, even if you shouldn’t want that, you still missed spending time with him, talking with him. So you held on to the promise of this little break with him to finally breathe and relax.

When you finally spotted his car parked a few streets away from your dorm, and his tall frame leaning against the drivers’ door, the wind blowing his perfectly styled hair, your heart started to beat faster. The rush you got everytime you laid your eyes on him never flattered. And you didn’t really think about it when you ran to him and threw yourself in his arms. You could hear him chuckling as he buried his face into your neck, holding you closer to him and spinning you around. Both of you needed this hug, and Yunho couldn’t ever get tired of your addicting scent, breathing you in for a moment before he cradled your face into his hands to kiss you like he had wanted to these past few days.

“- I missed you, angel. 

- We literally saw each other yesterday.

- But not like that.”

This comment was enough to make heat rise into your body again. But you simply slapped his chest playfully as he giggled like an idiot. But he didn’t mind your teasing, it was entertaining. Like the gentlemen he always was, Yunho opened the door of the car for you. Every time he drove you somewhere, you felt like a passenger princess - getting to choose the music, opening the windows whenever you wanted, holding his hand when he didn’t need it. The weather was starting to warm up a little, and you smiled as you felt the pleasant air hit your face, making your hair fly in every direction. 

And yes, Yunho felt a little guilty for cancelling plans he had with his girlfriend to take you to the beach, but he needed it. He needed to escape from his life and his routine for just one day, but more importantly, he needed you. He didn’t want to spend his weekend with her family, he wanted to spend it with you. And as he watched you run towards the water, squealing as the cold liquid touched your bare feets, he felt like it was worth it. Your long skirt was floating around you to the rhythm of the wind, and to him, you’ve never looked more beautiful than right now - with your hair all messy, and the brightest smile he’s ever seen on your face directed at him, asking him to come with you. 

There were only a few other people on the beach, allowing you to be as affectionate as you wished. The picnic both of you had prepared was spent between sweet kisses and mindless conversation. And then, Yunho laid down to rest his head on your lap while you read another book he had given to you. You mindlessly started to run your hands through his hair, smiling lightly when he released a satisfied sigh, relaxing even more. And Yunho swore he could’ve fallen asleep just like that - with the sun warming up his body and your presence warming up his heart. 

“- It’s been so long since I’ve last gone to the beach…”

Your self-reflection steered Yunho out of his slumber, looking up at you to find you entirely focused on the landscape in front of your eyes. Suddenly, your tone was a lot more nostalgic, and he couldn’t help his curiosity. Because yes, he knew your body like the back of his hands by now, and he knew what you were liken but he knew so little about your past, about you - the you he was starting to fall in love with. 

“- But you grew up close to the ocean, right ?

- Yeah. We used to go every weekend, it was always the best day of the week and I was so excited to go every time. But when my parents started to fight, we stopped going. Apparently, it reminded them of too many memories and they had no time to do that anymore. I tried to go alone once. I was maybe eight ? I don’t remember well, but I know that I got scolded so badly I’ve never tried it again, even as a teenager. And I kinda had an apprehension to go see the ocean again. 

- I didn’t know that. I’m sorry for proposing that, we can leave whenever you want if you don’t feel comfortable, angel.”

Your eyes finally came back to him, smiling softly at him as you pushed a strand of his hair away from his forehead, your touch making goosebumps come alive on his skin. 

“- It’s okay, I’m over all that now. And when I think back about it, these trips were never perfect. My parents were already fighting back then, I was just too young to understand what it meant. But today I’m here with you, so I knew it would be nothing like that. You make everything better, Yu.”

You leaned forward, pecking his lips for a second or two, but it was enough to make Yunho smile again. He had no idea your childhood could’ve been so chaotic, and from what you told him, he could easily imagine the classic scheme through which you went. And it made sense with the women you were today - strong, independent and determined. But he also learned that you needed him to baby you sometimes, and he was always willing to let you fall into his open arms every time you needed to. And the fact that you were slowly opening up more and more to him everyday felt like a reward. 

“- What was your childhood like ?

- Well, I have a pretty conservative and religious family, and I’ve always felt like I’ve never belonged with them. My parents love me, I know they do, but it’s like I don’t fit in with them, you know ? It’s a strange feeling, but I’ve always been the rebel one : I didn’t do the studies my parents wanted me to do, and I didn’t follow every one of their rules as I grew up, and I’ve never had the same faith as them. I think that’s what disturbed them the most. 

- The feeling of being a disappointment, and of going against the flow is never easy to deal with, especially as a kid. But look where you are now. They should be proud of you for doing a job you love. At least, I’m proud of you.”

This time, Yunho made the first move to kiss you. 

“You’re really an angel, too good to be true.

- I could say the same about you.” 

Because he simply had that aura that made you feel safe, that made you feel comfortable, that made you feel at home. Every time you looked into his eyes, it was as if nothing else existed, as if he was the only thing that was real. But you didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to dwell on what it meant, didn’t want to think about the fact that this won’t last forever. Instead, you kept on talking, telling each other some childhood memories. And it all felt so peaceful, like you were all alone, like it was both of you against the rest of the world, like you were in a little bubble that could never burst. 

And Yunho really wished he could stay like that with you forever, but the sun was starting to go down and the wind was turning colder. You could’ve fallen asleep on the ride home, lulled by the way he was quietly humming to the songs of the playlist you choose. This day made you forget about everything else, made the stress go away, made all your worries disappear. But you knew it was not only because you got away, but mostly because Yunho was with you. He always had that effect on you, no matter how hard you tried to resist it. You didn’t want this day to end, you didn’t want this feeling to ever go away. So as he parked near your dorm, you kissed his lips one more time.

“- Do you want to come up ? My roommate is not here. 

- What about being careful, angel ? Anyone could recognize me here. 

- It’s Sunday, everyone is either locked up in their rooms working or spending the day out. No one will see you. Please ?”

The fact that you started to kiss down his neck as well as your pleading eyes were close to breaking Yunho’s resolve. He knew he shouldn’t let you have this much of an effect on him, but you had that effect and he couldn’t deny the way he weakly said “yes” and let you drag him to your dorm room. But the way you were giggling against his lips as you pushed him to sit down on your bed made him forget all about his doubts. As you dropped to your knees on the ground, settling between his legs, Yunho couldn’t help the shaky breath that escaped him. 

“- I think I have to pay you back for today, don’t I ?”

The smirk playing on your lips as you unbuckled his belt and helped him get out of his pants did nothing to calm his heartbeat down. And the way you were always so eager to take care of him, to have your mouth on him, did nothing to help either. But it felt too good, so he didn’t stop you and let you kiss his tip one time before you started to kitten-lick his cock. 

“- Fuck, don’t tease, angel. 

- But you look so pretty like that.”

Your pouty lips made him want to spoil you but also to be a little mean. But you were such a good girl for him, taking all of him in your mouth. Everytime you were getting down on your knees for him, Yunho couldn’t help the rush of adrenaline going through his veins.  He threw his head back when he felt your cheeks hollowing, sucking him in deeper. He wanted to stay like that forever, with you drooling around his cock, and his hands buried in your hair. But he needed to have his mouth on you too, to make you feel good. So he took advantage of your size difference to throw you on the bed with ease, pushing up your long skirt so he could dip his head under the material and lick a strip of your wet cunt through your panties. 

“- Yunho… Please, don’t tease.

- But you look so pretty like that.”

You smiled as you lightly slapped his shoulder, eliciting a few chuckles from him before he helped you get out of your underwear and finally got a taste of your cunt. You could only see the top of his head, but the way he was subtly nibbling on your clit had you closing your eyes to appreciate the moment even more. His tongue lapping at your cunt was sending you to places you’ve never been, and you couldn’t care less about the other people at the dorm who might hear you whining his name loudly. This day was so perfect, Yunho was so perfect. You couldn’t ask for more. Or you could, but you would be pushing your luck, and you didn’t want anything else if it meant you could be with him in some way. But you didn’t want to think about all that right now, so you pushed his head further in between your thighs. 

“- Don’t stop, please…”

Yunho groaned against your folds, doubling his efforts to bring you to the edge, practically making out with your pussy at this point. But you didn’t mind, not at all. You wanted him, wanted every little part of his body and soul to be yours. As you felt your orgasm approaching, you started to grind against his face, moaning at the way his nose was bumping against your clit every time you rocked your hips. And when you came with a cry of pleasure, Yunho made sure to hold your thighs open for him to eat you until he had gulped down the last drop of your juices. 

“- How do you taste better every time ? I’ll never get tired of it.

- Good. Because I don't want you to stop.” 

Both of you were still half clothed, but you didn’t mind it as Yunho came up to kiss your lips, his tongue finding yours easily and his hands grabbing your breast over your top like a second nature. Everything felt so familiar, so right, like you were where you should be. Your lips were sealed to his, from the moment he pulled out his condom to the moment his cock entered you, only separating for a brief instant when you moaned in harmony. 

And no words where needed as he made love to you. Because there was no other way to define how he was fucking you, to define the tenderness of his touch, the fondness of his gaze, the softness of his breath hitting your skin. Every sound he elicited from you was immediately drowned in his mouth, your hands tugging at the material of his shirt as you felt close to the edge again. You felt full of so many emotions you couldn’t even name them all, but you knew that Yunho was the only reason you were feeling all that. 

“- I’m close…

- Me too, angel…”

The words you’ve been meaning to say for some time almost slipped past your lips as you felt the rush of pleasure course through your body. And if Yunho hadn’t nuzzled his head into your neck, he would’ve probably been about to say them too. As you came down of your little paradise where nothing existed except for him, you realised how close you’ve been to fuck it all up. And you didn’t want that - you were going to take everything you could have from this relationship, and no matter the state you would end up in, it would be worth it because it was him. 

“- Hey ! Watch where you’re going Y/N !”

Dajeong kept you from walking straight into the door that opened just in front of your face. You sheepishly thanked her, and tried to not get lost in your thoughts again.

“- You seem absent since yesterday. Did something happen this weekend ?”

You knew exactly why you were so absorbed, you knew it. But you couldn’t say it, you couldn’t talk about it with her. It would mean putting Yunho in a dangerous situation, and yourself too. And what would she think of you ? You were always the first one to comment on how stupid all the girls crushing on your teacher were, and now you were the one who ended up in his bed every time he needed you.

“- It’s nothing, I just… Don’t know what to do about something and I’m thinking about it a little too much.”

Your eyes travelled from your friend by your side to Yunho’s silhouette. He was standing near the door of his office, having a lively conversation with a woman you’ve never seen before but you supposed that she was one of his colleagues. You had no right to be jealous. And you weren’t. Not really, at least. You were not jealous about seeing him with someone else, you were mentally prepared for that to happen. But you were jealous of how good she looked beside him, thinking about how ridiculous you must be whenever you were going out with him. Your age difference was visible, and everything felt much more right when he was with someone his age. But you quickly averted your gaze from them, not seeing the pained look on Yunho’s face as he turned his head your way. 

“- You wanna talk about it tonight ? 

- I don’t know, it’s complicated.”

Dajeong smiled at you and grabbed you by your arm, trying to cheer you up a little. She didn’t like to see you down - you were always so energetic and joyful, it felt odd whenever you were like that. 

“- No matter what you decide, I’m here. And I’m keeping you home for a movie night anyway.

- I'd like that a lot. Thank you.

- I told you, I’m here for you.”

You thanked her again and tried not to think about Yunho for the rest of the day. You weren’t even mad at him, except the fact that you had no right feeling like that, it was mostly because you realised that you really couldn’t be with him for more than what you already were. And it hurt more than you think it would have, because even if you tried to stop yourself from daydreaming about a future with him, you still did, and you had started to believe that it could happen, that it could be true. But you had to be sensible and remind yourself that it was impossible, that even if there was the slightest chance that he loved you, he could never do it in the open, and you were not ready to stay a secret your whole life. But you still went to his office after your classes because he had asked you to. When you entered the room, Yunho was waiting for you, anxiously chewing on his nails. He gestured for you to close the door behind you and when you made sure it was locked, you took his hands in yours, confusion lingering in your eyes. 

“- What is it Yu ? Are you alright ?

- I should be the one asking you that.

- Why ?

- Because of what you saw this morning. It’s not what you think, I swear there’s nothing between us, she’s just another teacher I’m working with. I’m not doing any-

- Stop.”

And he did it, mouth closing shut as you tried to not let all the doubts and the melancholy that invaded you today be perceived in your voice or your touch. You stood on your tippy toes to kiss his lips softly, hoping that it would calm him down a little. 

“- I didn’t think anything about it, okay ? I’m not mad, or sad, or anything else. And you can do absolutely what you want, you know, it’s not like I’m your girlfriend or anything. I don’t have a word to say about your relationships.”

The words hurt you, but they hurt him too. He knew you weren’t his girlfriend, he made that clear enough so you understood that nothing like that could ever happen. But it still felt wrong to hear you say that, he still felt bad at seeing the slight discomfort in your eyes. However, you didn’t let him reflect on that too much as you let go of his hands. 

“- Don’t worry about that, okay ? I have to go, I have plans with Dajeong for tonight but text me if you need anything.

- Yeah, have a good night angel.”

You smiled at him before leaving and Yunho’s heart clenched when he saw you go out one more time. Every night you spent together, you had always left before him, and every time, he wished you could stay a little more. And every time, he prayed that it would not be the last time he was going to see you. Even if everything about this was wrong, he didn’t want it to end, and for once, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to think about himself, to put his happiness first and not everyone else’s opinions. 

That’s why when you told him you had a really bad day, a few weeks after this incident, he decided to think about what made him happier lately and put you first. So he picked you up after class, without telling you where you were going, but it had become a habit of his to never reveal the destination of your little adventures. The ride was silent, the music being the only sound disturbing the quiet atmosphere, but as soon as Yunho parked on the hill that overlooked the whole city so you could see the sunset, you bursted into tears. Yunho pulled you into his lap, running his hands through your hair to calm you down, and encouraging you to talk to him. 

“- Tell me what’s going on, angel. 

- I’m just… Everything I do, it’s never enough. There’s always someone who’s doing it better, there’s always someone to remind me that I’m enough. I’m never enough, for anything or anyone.”

Seeing you like that broke his heart, but Yunho didn’t let his own emotions overpower him. He cradled your face in his hands, whipping your tears away tenderly. 

“- You are enough Y/N, you’ve always been enough and the way you’re feeling right now does not reflect what you really are. You’re doing so much all the time, and for everyone. I promise you are enough, angel. And I’m proud of the person you are, I’m proud of you.”

You nuzzled your head in his chest, a little more serene than five minutes before, his scent soothing your heart and your mind, and his touch so soft and delicate you could’ve fallen asleep in his arms. You stayed like that for a moment, not needing to say anything else as his presence was enough to get you to relax, and you couldn’t say if you spent ten minutes or an hour like that, but you felt so peaceful you didn’t want to move. Whenever you were with him, it was like a little bubble engulfed the two of you, and that nothing else existed beside him and everything he was making you feel. 

“-  Thank you, Yu.”

And you pecked his lips to reinforce that idea. And Yunho pushed away a strand of your hair before he kissed you too, deepening it when you whimpered against his mouth and wrapped your arms around his neck to keep him closer to you. And you stayed there, simply making out and quietly talking about nothing and everything. But it was enough to calm you down. And it was enough for Yunho to be sure about what he wanted to do. But not now. Not when you were so vulnerable he felt like you could break in his arms. 

“- Can you take me home ? I’m tired.

- Of course, angel. I just need to stop by the gas station.”

You nodded and kissed him one last time before getting back in your seat. Your mood was much better on the way back, casually chatting with Yunho as he drove you home with his hand comfortably resting on your thigh. You mindlessly played with his fingers, not really paying attention to the road. You only registered the notifications noises from his phone when he was out and paying for his gas. You glanced at his illuminated screen, not really wanting to know who was texting him but just out of habit, and the nickname of the person texting him was all you needed to know. “My girl 💕” was enough to understand that you weren’t the only one, that he wasn’t as invested in this relationship as you. You were aware of all these things, but to be hit by the realisation, to be faced with the truth was harsh. When he sat back down in his seat, you had to brace yourself so the tears wouldn’t spill from your eyes, so the words you were about to scream at his face wouldn’t slip out from your mouth. 

“- Are you alright, angel ?

-  Hum, yeah, I just wanna go home and sleep. Don't worry.”

You offered him a little smile and he caressed your cheek, but you had to mentally restrain yourself from pushing his hand away. You let him drive you home, forcing yourself to smile and seem normal and composed. Only when you were snuggled underneath your blankets did you allow yourself to let the tears fall freely from your eyes. You were expecting this to stop at some point, but not like that. You were trusting him, you thought he was telling you the truth, you thought that what would separate you would only be the fact that it was impossible, but not that. 

It was so unlike him, always so kind and gentle, always thinking about you and your comfort first. That was surely why you never thought he would do something like that. But after all, you should've seen it coming. This was truly too good to be true, too perfect to last. But you would've wanted it to last for a little longer, for forever. And coming back to reality was hard, it was like waking up from a dream to realise you were only living in a nightmare all this time. That night, you fell asleep with his scent still lingering on your clothes, and dried tears covering your cheeks. 

The next morning, you weren’t doing any better, if not worse. The truth was sinking in, and you were not strong enough to answer his texts yet, leaving him on read and purposely ignoring his demand to see you today. You got up from your bed either way, only because you needed to eat to compensate for your empty heart, and that what Dajeong must have cooked smelled really good. 

“- Wow ! You look like a zombie. A cute zombie, but still a zombie.”

You smiled a little, but it didn’t reach your eyes. You sat down on the stool of the kitchen, watching your roommate finishing up your meal, mind clouded with thoughts of him even if he was the last thing you wanted to think about. 

“- On a serious note, are you alright ?”

The casual question made you tear up again, and you had to take a deep breath so you would not cry again. Dajeong turned off the stove and came to sit down beside you, one hand resting on your shoulder as she encouraged you to talk to her. And you did. You told her everything about what had been going on between Yunho and you for months. It felt like it all started yesterday, like it was only a dream. But with the way it was about to end, you rather have not started this at all. 

“- I would’ve never thought that you would be the type to go out with our teacher. 

- I know. There’s just something about him that I can’t get enough of. I… I think I love him.”

It was the first time you dared to say the words. But it was true. You loved him even if you tried to resist it, even if you tried not to succumb to the temptation he was. But you gave in, and you were happy for as long as it lasted. You knew it would hurt, but you didn’t think it would hurt that much. You underestimated how important he became, how much you relied on him for everything. 

“- And it’s not even the fact that he has a girlfriend or someone else that makes me mad, I was okay with that because I had come to terms with the fact that I will never be more than what we were. But he treated me like I was more, he made me think that he cared about me just to pull out something like that. And I had to find out, he didn’t even have the balls to tell me himself. 

-  He’s a coward, I must admit. And he clearly doesn’t deserve you. He could have never loved you like you need to be loved, you’ll always be a secret with him. It’s better like that. 

- Maybe. But it hurts.”

Some tears escaped your eyes again, and Dajeong didn’t hesitate before pulling you into a tight hug, caressing your head as a way to calm you down. She knew how much a heartbreak could hurt, especially when it ended up like that, especially when it was as intense as what you had. 

“- I know, lovely. It’s gonna take time, but it’s gonna stop hurting eventually. But I think you should talk with him, ask him clearly what’s going on before completely cutting him out of your life. You need closure, you at least deserve that.”

You nodded as Dajeong proposed that you spent the day together, doing some skincare and talking again and again about the same people for the hundredth time while watching some silly movies to cheer you up. And you did exactly that, trying to not think about him for at least one day. You were anxious to go back to class on Monday, fearing that everything would be awkward, or that he would completely ignore you. Somehow, you found the courage to send him a text throughout the weekend, simply to tell him that you needed some space, some time to think about you and him. You didn’t see the point of lying to him, and you silenced his notifications just after. You were strong enough to answer him, but not to witness him pretend and care about you.

Your resolve started to crumble when you saw how miserable he looked the next few days in class. His eye bags were terrible, and he seemed to have lost all his energy. Usually, Yunho would animate all his classes and passionately teach you his subject, but lately, he was only giving you some group work to do, keeping his interventions to a minimum. He spent his time sitting at his desk, either trying to grade some papers or zoning out, looking through the windows. Everytime his sad eyes fell into yours, your heart clenched and ached. But you didn’t have the strength to confront him about what you saw on his phone. You wanted to talk to him, you wanted him to deny, to tell you it was not what you were thinking and that you were the only one - even if you knew it was impossible and that dreaming about it made everything hurt ten times more badly. 

You missed him. You missed hearing his voice, his laugh. You missed his smile, and the dimple he had when you made a terrible joke he couldn’t help giggling at. You missed his touch, the way every time his skin was against yours everything else disappeared. You missed being in his arms, and the sentiment of security it gave you. You simply missed him, and having to see him everyday without being able to look at him for more than a few seconds was a torture. And even if you had unblocked him because you were weak, you continued to ignore every one of his texts and calls either way. It was painful, but a lot less than if he told you face to face that he had someone else, that he lied to you, that he made you fall head over heels for you before fucking it all up, before crushing your heart in between his fingers. 

One day, when you came back to your dorm, you found flowers waiting for you by the door. There was no card with it, but Yunho was the only one who knew that lilies were your favourite flowers. And you cried again when you opened the trash can only to find yourself unable to throw the bouquet away. So you kept it, putting it in a vase and placing it on the kitchen’s counter, seeing him every time you looked at the flowers. 

Another day, when you handed him back an assignment and that your hand brushed against his, it was like time stopped for a moment. Your breath was knocked out of your lungs as you looked up at him, and the plethora of emotions you caught dancing in Yunho’s eyes was enough to bring you back to when he was calling you angel, to when he was treating you like the most beautiful girl in the world. You ran away as quickly as possible, because you were on the verge of telling him that you loved him, and that it would only make things even more complicated than they already were. You felt so stupid for falling for your teacher, but you felt even more ridiculous for believing that you could be more than a side piece to him. 

However, that didn’t stop you from looking at the texts he sent to you, asking you to come meet him in his office because he wanted to explain everything properly. You heard Dajeong words ringing in your head as you took a deep breath and entered the room you had grown familiar with. His scent surrounded you immediately, and Yunho jumped upon your arrival. His glasses were sitting on the bridge of his nose, and his hair were completely dishevelled. You still managed to be smitten by his ethereal beauty. But the way he was looking at you with such desperation forced you to avoid his gaze quickly. 

“- Y/N…”

His voice broke down, and your heart broke too, a little more every time he tried to start a sentence. Yunho wanted to forget everything, to hold you in his arms and promise you the world. But he couldn’t, and the way you were hugging yourself made him want to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. In all honesty, he would do it in the blink of an eye if you asked him, he would do anything if it meant you would forgive him. But it was nearly impossible, and he was well aware of that, but you deserved an explanation - that and so much more. 

“- What did you want to tell me ?”

Your tone was harsher than you wanted it to be, and you didn’t dare look his way, and Yunho didn’t dare make a step in your direction, afraid that you would run away again. But he had to tell you the truth, he had to be honest for once. 

“- It’s not what you think, angel.

- Please, spare me with that, I’m not blind, nor an idiot.

- No, you’re not… And that’s why you deserve to know what is going on. The message you saw the other night was from… My girlfriend.”

You knew it, but to hear him say it was different. It hit exactly the right spot to reopen some wounds that had never healed. You already felt on the verge of tears, but you tried to keep them under control, gripping the handles of your tote bag to ground yourself in reality and brace yourself for what was coming. 

“- But I don’t love her anymore, it's been a long time since I’ve stopped feeling anything for her. We met when we were in highschool, and we were a good match at that time. She was my friend before becoming more, but after all this time, there's nothing left of what I felt for her in the beginning. We were only kids, I didn’t even know what I wanted to do with my life and my family had already planned my future with her. They want me to marry her. But I don’t, not at all. But if I leave her, I know that they will never want to see me again. So I stayed with her but you made me realise what it was to live and be happy again, and that I don’t want to marry someone I don't genuinely love.”

While he was talking, Yunho took some steps in your direction, trying to maintain eye contact with you even if all he wanted was to slap himself in the face for how stupid he had been to think he could handle this the way he did it, to think that you would never discover his secret. At least, you were here. At least, you were listening to him. It should mean something. It should mean that everything wasn’t over yet, right ? Yunho held on to that, but when he tried to reach for your hand and you took a step back, your eyes glistening with tears, it was hard to believe that everything could be alright. And to know that he was the reason you were crying made him feel even more guilty.

“- I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, angel. I wanted to do it a million times, but I was so afraid of losing what we had, I didn’t want to freak you out. And I couldn’t lose you. You are my oxygen, my breath of fresh air in the middle of all this mess, and I need you. I promise I wanted to tell you everything the night you discovered it. But you became so quiet all of sudden, and when I looked at my phone, I assumed you had seen her text. But I swear on my life, I wanted to tell you. I should’ve never lied to you in the first place, I know that, and you can’t imagine how sorry I am.”

You were now sobbing uncontrollably, trying to cover up your voice with your hand, but the hot tears falling down your cheeks were enough proof of how affected you were. Yunho wanted to cradle you in his arms, to protect you from the world like he always did, but he couldn’t shield you from himself and his mistakes. He was supposed to be your safe place, your comfort zone, not to make you feel like that.

“- Do you understand how bad I felt when I saw this message, Yunho ? I… I knew this wouldn’t last, but to realise that you lied to me all this time was even more painful. You made me believe that we had a future together, and you treated me like your girlfriend even when I was not, even when you had someone waiting for you at home. And it hurts.”

Your voice broke down on the last words. You felt pathetic, some kind of silly, naive girl who couldn’t see what was right in front of her eyes, some kind of idiot who thought that it could end well, that it could end without you suffering too much. 

“- I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. And I’ll spend the rest of my life apologising if that’s what you want. We can have a future together, I want a future with you.

- I can’t see it. I-I can’t ask you to leave her, and to turn your back on your whole family for me. ”

One tear rolled down Yunho’s cheek, and you wanted to wipe it away, but he did it himself before you could do anything. It was better like that. If you felt his skin against yours again, you didn’t know if you would be able to finish what you started. 

“- I could do it. If it’s what it takes to keep you with me I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. I love you, Y/N. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone else. I love you so bad it makes my heart ache. I’m ready to do everything it takes to be with you. Everything.”

You should’ve been happy to hear these words you were longing for him to say, only weeks prior. But right now, it only broke your heart more, it only pushed the knife a little deeper into your open wounds. 

“- That’s not what I want for you, you deserve better. I don’t want to fuck up your whole life, even if it meant I could love you.

- But you are my whole life, you’re the only thing I need.”

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to say yes so bad. You wanted to fall back into his touch, to fall back into his arms. But you couldn’t. Still, you let him caress your cheek, swiping his thumb against it to get rid of the tears that had dropped there. It was like you could finally breathe, as if the weight on your heart and the knot in your throat had disappeared only because he touched you. He always had that effect on you. But you had to leave, you had to leave or you would cave in and you knew it wasn’t good for you. So you took his hand in yours, pushing it away slowly, as if not to scare him away. You looked up into his teary, brown eyes. It broke your heart to see him in such a state, but you had to think about yourself too. You had to take care of yourself now that he wasn’t here to do that anymore. 

“- I’m sorry, I need some time to think. I’m… Not sure I can love you like this anymore. I’m sorry.”

He tried to smile at you, but it was joyless, without this little sparkle in his eyes that you loved so much. 

“- You don’t have to apologise, angel. You did nothing wrong, I’m the one who fucked up. I’m the only one to blame here. Take all the time you need, I’ll wait for you.”

You nodded, and you finally let go of his hand, painfully slow to feel his touch for as long as possible. You took a last look at him before turning away and unlocking the door of his office. 

“- Goodbye, Yunho.”

It felt like you were saying farewell, and Yunho wanted to run after you, to beg you to let him still be a part of your life. But he had to respect your choice. So he stayed still, standing there as if it could freeze time in place and give him the ability to come back in time and do things differently. But it was too late, and the only thing he could do was give you space and hope you would grant him a second chance, and hope you would be kind enough to forgive him even if he didn’t deserve it at all. 

You thought that clearing up the situation with Yunho would make it easier for you to move on and forget him as you had initially planned, but you clearly were in the wrong. Feeling his eyes on you was even more painful now. But at least, he seemed to have found his energy back. It was the only thing that made you feel a little better. Because you felt like shit, even if you tried to convince yourself that what you did was for the best, that you couldn’t be together, that you had to be sensible, you didn’t want to do all that. You craved his touch, his kisses, his loving gaze. You craved him and his soothing aura. You craved his love. You wanted him back, but everything was so complicated, everything was so messed up, you weren’t even sure it could work. 

Even if Yunho respected your wish for space and time, he still hadn’t stopped texting you throughout your days - reminders for you to drink, eat and rest properly. You never answered but you saw the messages and it was all that mattered to him. And even if he tried to come back to his daily life, to his routine, he couldn’t. You had taken such an important place in his heart that everything felt empty without you and your smile to brighten his world. Nothing felt as appealing as before. Reading couldn’t take his mind out of things anymore, because he could only see your annotations on the ones you had given to him. And everytime he passed by Mrs McMillan bookstore, his thoughts immediately came back to you and how pretty you looked that day. 

So when some colleagues from the university invited him to have some drinks after work, he said yes. Yunho hoped that some alcohol and talking about anything and everything could take his mind off of you. But all it did was make it worse. With each drink, he felt the urge to call you even stronger. All he wanted was to at least hear your voice, hear his name fall from your lips, see your face, even if the pain he caused was written all over it. 

“- Angel…

- Yunho ? Why are you calling me ? Is there something wrong.”

He sighed in relief at finally hearing your voice ringing in his ears again, at finally hearing you say his name. He preferred the surname you had granted him, but he would take everything that you were willing to give him. 

“- I just… I miss you, and I need you, and I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you again. Because I feel like I didn’t apologise enough.

- It’s okay, I swear. I told you I need some time. Everything is…. Puzzling.

- Still, I’m sorry. 

- I know you are.”

There was silence, but the fact that you hadn’t hung up yet made a little bit of hope blossom in his heart. Maybe there was still a chance. Maybe there was still a world in which you could grant him your forgiveness. 

“- I can’t imagine my life without you. I tried. But I can’t. I need you, angel.

- You know that we can’t, that I can’t. You have a girlfriend, and your family, a career. I can’t just come in and mess up everything.

- I don’t care about all of that. If I’m with you it’s worth it. Please, angel, let me at least see you, even if it’s the last time I get to have you. I want you, one last time. After that, I’ll let you go if that’s what you really want, and I promise you will never have to worry about me again.”

You stayed silent for a while again, your defeated sigh being the only noise echoing through the line.

“- Okay. But this is the last time.”

However, when you joined him in the hotel room you had grown familiar with, you didn’t want it to be the last time. You wanted to stay in his arms forever. You didn’t talk, afraid of the things you could say, afraid you would beg him to stay, to come back, to do exactly what he swore he would do if only you asked him. But you tried not to think about that as you let him kiss you tenderly, as if you were going to break under his touch. And you might, because you needed him so bad it made everything hurt when he was not there.

No words were exchanged as you got rid of your clothes. No words were exchanged when you pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his thighs. No words were needed when you kissed him for the first time in weeks. It felt like you could both finally breathe, like you felt alive again, and it made all the pain go away for just a moment. 

“- I missed you, angel, missed you so fucking much…

- Me too, Yu.”

This was all you were able to say before he shut you up with another desperate kiss, making out with you as if it was the last time he got to have your lips on his - and maybe it would be. So you just decided to shut off your brain, simply running your hands through his hair and thinking about nothing else. You wanted to take your time and appreciate his touch, his eyes and the way he was moaning under your hands, but it felt like you were in a hurry, quickly discarding both of your underwear and sinking down on his cock. You gripped his shoulders, closing your eyes as you let yourself bask into the feeling of finally being full. But your desire took over you, grinding on his dick desperately.

And Yunho couldn’t look at your face, couldn’t see your beautiful eyes without thinking back to them filling up with tears the day he messed up everything between the two of you. But his body was overwhelmed by the feeling of you wrapped around him after weeks of only being able to look at you from afar, relying on his souvenirs to remember what it felt like to kiss you. He desperately wanted to engrave your face in his memories and keep it there forever, but it was too hard. So instead, he just flipped you over the bed, burying his head in your neck to not be tempted to cross your gaze anymore. But his hands still found their way to yours, fingers intertwining as he sped up the pace of his thrusts, both of you moaning in harmony. 

It wasn’t as intimate or as emotional as Yunho wanted your last time together to be like. But the alcohol was clouding his mind even more than everything he felt for you, and the urge to make you his - even if you weren’t, and that you would never be - was taking over him more and more with every clench of your cunt around him. 

“- Fuck, angel… Tell me you love me please…”

You didn’t want to, because you knew how that would make both of you feel, but the words spilled out from your lips before you could stop it, squeezing his hands tighter. 

“- I love you, I love you so much…”

It was enough for Yunho to feel a rush of emotions and desire flood through his veins, his thrusts becoming sloppy and losing any kind of rhythm. It all felt too much, from the way he was hitting your sweet spot to the way his little whines mixed with “i love you”’s that made your heart throb and your mind wanting to hear more of them. It all felt too much to the point you felt on the verge of tears as he laid on top of you, trying to regain some consciousness. But you were fully aware of everything that had just happened, and even if you wanted nothing more than to spend another night in his arms, you knew it wouldn’t do you any good. So you stayed like that until he fell asleep, murmuring again and again against your skin how much you meant to him, that he needed you. And then you ran away, putting your clothes back on in a hurry and checking out your appearance in the mirror of the elevator you had grown familiar with. Except that this time, there was nothing left from the joyful sparkle that usually brightened your eyes whenever you left the hotel. All you could see was how miserable he made you once again, all you could see were the tears cascading down your cheeks and along the marks he left on your neck. You slapped your hand on your mouth, pathetically trying to cover up your sobs. It hurt even more than that day, for some reasons. It all hurt too much to hold it in. 

When Yunho woke up in the morning to an empty bed, he was not surprised, but he was still disappointed. He wished he could have woken up one last time to your pretty and relaxed face, he wished he could have held you through the night one last time. Even if it happened only a few times, when you were too tired to go back to your dorms, it still felt incredibly right to open his eyes and see you all cuddled up against him. Getting up and leaving the room he had so many memories in revealed to be a lot more difficult than he thought it would have been. He took his time getting dressed and making sure he didn’t forget anything before slowly closing the door behind him. Taking a quick look at his reflection in the elevator’s mirror like you did only a few hours ago was enough to notice how wretched he was. His hair were a mess, his eye bags were even worse than a few days before despite him having overslept, and his clothes were wrinkled. But the way it was written all over his face was even more telling. 

The ride back to his apartment was like a walk of shame - because he had promised to his girlfriend that he would be back before 2am, because he made you suffer again, because he felt like shit, like there was no escape from this situation he put himself in. Yunho only had time to hope that Hana was still asleep but as soon as he opened the door, she jumped from her spot on the couch where she had apparently spent a lot of time worrying, seeing how panicked she seemed. 

“- Where were you !? You told me you would be back last night and it’s fucking 10am, Yunho !”

Her anger was totally justified, but the only thing he wanted to do right now was to just be swallowed by the floor, or to curl up in his bed and not get up for the next three years. 

“- I’m sorry, baby, I…

- You what !? It’s the fourth time you’re pulling something like that on me this month, what is going on !?”

Yunho was ready to serve her another well prepared lie, the ones he kept on telling her since he started ditching her to be with you. But he just couldn’t bring himself to say that they all got back to one of his coworkers apartment to keep drinking after the bar closed, and that his phone died so he couldn’t warn her about it, and that he was too drunk and out of his mind to think about borrowing one of his colleagues’. He couldn’t lie to her right now, he couldn’t anymore. And as if it was now a habit every time you sneaked into his mind, he felt tears prickling his eyes, dropping his head low like the coward he was because he couldn’t bear to see her hurt, to see her crying because of him too. And as it had become quite usual for him through the course of these last weeks, apologies slipped past his lips. 

“- I’m sorry Hana, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry… 

- Yunho… Tell me what happened, talk to me. You’ve been so distant and quiet lately, it’s not like you to be so… So absent.”

He wanted to answer, to finally tell her the truth, to tell her everything, but he couldn’t get any word to leave his mouth, only quiet sobs resonating in the hallway as he tried to stop the tears from running down his cheeks. Slowly, Hana got closer to him, taking his hands in hers and guiding him to the couch where he sat down without any resistance and let her pull him into a hug. She could hear his voice shaking and breaking down everytime he let out another apology. It took a long moment for Yunho to finally be able to calm down and find his words back. And when he did, it didn’t make things easier, it didn’t make telling her easier. 

“- I… I met someone.”

The sad but knowing smile spreading on her lips told him everything he needed to know. Because, of course, she was not dumb. Of course, she had understood a long time ago what was going on. Of course, Yunho was the only asshole, the only one to blame for everything he put her, and you, through. 

“- I expected you to say that. 

- I’m so fucking sorry, Hana. I never meant for that to happen, I hadn’t even thought about doing that before I met her. And once it started I couldn’t stop, and when I wanted to tell you everything, it was already too late to not hurt you, and I just got carried away. I’m sorry, I really didn-

- Stop ! Just… Stop.”

So Yunho did, anxiously watching her as she ran a hand through her hair, probably trying to come up with an easy way to tell him that he was a bastard. Which he was, to be honest. 

“- I’m not an idiot. I know that you stopped loving me years ago, Yunho. And I’m not blind either, I saw how you got that sparkle in your eyes back one day, and I knew very well it was not because of me. And before you say anything about being sorry, I know it. I know you are, and I know that you wouldn’t have wanted to hurt me even if I’m just a friend in your eyes. 

- Hana…

- Don’t look at me like that, it’s not a big deal. We’ve been a couple since highschool, it was impossible for us to keep on loving each other until the end of times. I stopped feeling any romantic feelings a while ago, too. Our families are simply what they are, and we can’t change them. But I’m kind of glad you gave us a valid excuse to break up.”

Yunho couldn’t help the giggles that escaped him. She always had that dark humour that he loved so much, and that nobody got except for him and her. 

“- You did not just forgive me for cheating on you because you wanna break up, right ?

- Oh, I certainly did !”

Both of them laughed it off, and it was like a weight was lifted off of his chest, like he could finally breathe a little better. Not as well as when he was with you, but it was a little less bad, now. 

“- You’re sure you wanna do this ? You know how much trouble we’re gonna get into if we break up, right ?

- I know, and trust me when I tell you that I’ve thought about it a lot before. And I’m ready, I don’t want them to dictate my life anymore. I think you can understand that better than everyone else.

- Yeah.”

Silence fell back onto the room, and Yunho never felt more at home in his own apartment than after having agreed to break up with his years-long relationship. But he knew it was better like that, knew that they both needed to finally close this chapter of their life and take a new beginning. 

“- We’re still friends, though, right ? I still need to hear you spill all the tea about your weird coworkers.”

Hana laughed loudly, and the smile spreading on her lips had never been this wide since so much time that he almost forgot what she looked like when she was happy. 

“- Of course ! And I wanna know all the updates about that girl, because she must be brave to want to engage in a relationship with you.”

It was his turn to smile and let happiness fill him again. Why he waited so much time to finally be honest with her when it was clear that they had no feelings for each other anymore would certainly forever be an enigma. But at least, they were both free. At least, Hana could find someone that will truly love her, that will love her like she deserved to be loved. And Yunho didn’t know if that would be enough to convince you that he was serious about you, that he truly loved you, but he had to try. Because you were worth every tear he shed, and all the pain in the world. He would go through these weeks of anguish again and again if it meant you would take him back. 

But Yunho had always been a gentleman - and yeah, it was ironic to describe himself like that after everything he had done - and he let you have as much time as you needed, as much space as you asked for. And even when the urge of letting you know about everything that happened was strong, he resisted the temptation to call you, or to send you a text he knew you would not read because you stopped doing that since that night. 

Everytime his gaze crossed yours in class, it was as if the first time he kissed you in that empty classroom replayed in his mind, it was as if he could still see himself wearing his leather jacket more often only because it still smelled like you and your perfume, it was as if he could still hear you say you loved him for the first time. Everytime his gaze crossed yours in class, he wished you wouldn’t shy away, he wished you wouldn’t look so hurt, he wished he could go back in time and not do all the mistakes he did, he wished he could do everything right and make you happy, and love you right. 

Still, he let you run away after every class so you wouldn’t risk staying in his presence too much. Still, he let you slip through his hands a little more every time you answered his questions about books he had given to you without that energy and passion you had when it was only the two of you in that hotel room, when everything was still perfect. But it also felt like if he didn’t do something right now, you were gonna leave and never come back in his life. He had to do something, he had to stop being a loser, he had to show you that you were never the second choice. 

You were surprised to find another bouquet of lilies on your doorstep before going to class on a random Wednesday. It had been weeks since you last talked to him outside of classes, and it had been more than two months since you last looked at his texts. You weren’t strong enough to block his number again, but you tried not to open the messages anymore. This time there was something written on a little note ; him asking you to meet him by the hill he showed you the night it all went down if you were willing to listen to him, and that if you didn’t come, he would understand that you didn’t want to see him again and that he would leave you alone, no questions asked. 

You thought that you would hesitate more, but in your heart, you had already made the decision to go as soon as you saw the bouquet of your favourite flowers he managed to remember even months after you told him. When you parked your car at the spot he had showed you, his was already there. Yunho was waiting for you, contemplating the cityscape, leaning against the hood of his car, hands in the pockets of his black pants, his white tee moving along with the wind. He looked good in anything, but these simple outfits were always making him look so cosy that you wanted nothing more than snuggling in his arms. 

The warmer wind of the end of spring hit your face as soon as you put your feet outside, the breeze making your hair and the skirt of your flowy dress fly around like you were in some type of dramatic movie. Expect that in those, it always ended well, and that you knew for a fact that your happy end was impossible. But Yunho turned to look at you almost in slow motion, and this time, you couldn’t avoid his intense stare, and this time, you wanted to dive back into whatever the two of you had. 

“- You came.”

His voice was steady, but you could still hear the relief seeping through his words.

“- You asked.”

It was as simple as that, as simple as breathing and walking, as simple as reading and writing. He asked, he called, and you were there in a heartbeat because you would sell your soul for him. 

“- We broke up. We agreed that we didn’t love each other anymore for a long time, and that it was the best decision for both of us.”

You wanted to be sarcastic, wanted to tell him something along the lines of “you want a medal or something”, but it was only because you didn’t know how to deal with that information. Because you didn’t know if it meant anything to him, if it meant anything to you. Before you could think about a kinder response, Yunho continued. 

“- I told you I was willing to do everything if it meant I could be with you, and I was serious. This is the first step, and I’m gonna go all the way even if you’re not willing to give me a second chance because you made me realise how wrong I was all this time.

- But you have a family, friends and a job. You won’t give all that up for me, I don’t want you to. 

- Angel, I’m taking all these risks because it’s for you, because I want you to see that I’m ready to do anything it takes to be with you, and that I’ll keep proving that you didn’t make a mistake by choosing me if you’re letting me come back into your life. My family gave up on me a long while ago, it’s only time for them to understand everything they put me through. And I believe that my friends will be wise enough to choose to support me, because you’re my happiness, and that’s what they should wish for me. 

- Yes, but you’ll still be my teacher. 

- I’ve been your teacher until then and it didn’t cause any problems, did it ? And even if I got in trouble, I know we would figure something out. You mean everything to me Y/N, and I will spend the rest of my life making myself worthy of you if you let me because I love you like I’ve never loved anyone else before.”

Your mind wanted you to say no, but your heart was begging for you to say yes, to give in, to let yourself be happy. And for once, you decided to stop being reasonable. For once, you decided to let things go, to let him guide you through it, to let yourself live.

“- You already are. You’ve always been worthy of me, Yu. I-I love you too, I love you so much.”

This time, when tears started to run down your cheeks, Yunho didn’t hesitate one second before pulling you into his arms, running his fingers against your back to soothe you. The way you immediately circled his waist to have him closer to you made his heartbeat pick up, and you chuckled lightly against his chest when you noticed it. And you stayed like that for who knows how long. The only thing you were aware of was that you’ve never felt as good as when you were in his arms. And maybe it was wrong, maybe it was a mistake. But it felt just right, it clicked perfectly, like the last pieces of a puzzle you had forgotten on your desk for years and that you finally came back to complete only now. When you raised your head to look him in the eyes, Yunho smiled, and you couldn’t help doing the same, especially when he kissed your forehead, and then your nose, and then your lips. 

“- In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

You wanted to slap him for being so cheesy, but the way your heart missed a couple of beats at the intensity with which he was looking into your eyes rendered you unable to talk, unable to think about some quote to say back to him. 

“- If you keep on confessing to me like that, I might give in, you know…

- Don’t worry about that, angel, I have a ton of citations you’re gonna love.”

His boyish grin made you smile wider, and you couldn’t help the urge to kiss him again, because now you had the right to do so. Being the teacher’s pet had its downsides, but in terms of love confessions, you were certain that Yunho would never run out of ideas. And you were okay with that, because as long as he was with you and that you were with him, there was no way something would go wrong. You smiled at him, and he smiled at you, and as the sun set behind you like in the romance movies you despised, you thought that maybe, happy endings were not so bad in the end, especially when you were the one getting kissed passionately at the end of the film.

-> i don't allow any copies, translations or reposts of my work.

-> moon dividers by @samspenandsword

ateez masterlist (fill in this to be added) :

@sharonxdevi @hann1bee @lil-kpopstan @foxinnie8 @riraives

[miumura]

LOVE ERROR ! — SUNOO SMAU

(-♡-) synopsis : known as the owner of running a popular confession account, sunoo has gotten plenty of people together. monthly, love news holds an event where anonymous people gets a chance to confess. of course, sunoo is just doing his job — starting relationships. but what he didn’t expect was someone dming him on twitter asking if he was the one behind a confession … who knew a small error can cause him to think about his love life for once?

✰ — “cupid” realizes he should also try to help himself find love too.

trending?! — stranger!sunoo x fem!reader ෆ

— 𖦹 bzzt! social media au, strangers to lovers, slowburn (kinda), high school au, fluff, crack, tba..

(🎧) warnings — cursing, both sunoo and reader will be frustrating, sort of trust issues, use of kys + kms jokes, friends “bully” each other, tba..

NOTE : this is all FICTION! this has nothing to do with any idols irl! + reblogs/likes/comments are appreciated so i can improve later on 🤍

mentions ! enhypen, sunwoo from the boyz, gyuvin from zb1, j from stayc, seonghwa from ateez, hanni from newjeans, brief mentions of other characters (more might be added).

♫ words from soph — can you tell i miss love news </3 anyways, i wanted to make a smau from that universe!! so, why not make a smau about the owner of love news, the matchmaker? + also, other members coming soon? (as you can see right the bottom …) so i hope you’ll have fun reading this one just like how you guys enjoyed love news 🫶

STATUS — June 4th 2023 to August 22nd 2023 !

LOVED LOVE ERROR? CHECK OUT LOVE BOMB, THE THIRD SMAU! (coming soon ??)

(🍥) — profiles : the gaslighters (yn) | the cupids (sunoo) | the helpers (love news people)

and the confessions begin … (chapters)

#001 — cupid can hate couples too.

#002 — yucky month!!

#003 — all over the place

#004 — giving a shot

#005 — piecing the puzzle together

#006 — FALSELY ACCUSED.

#007 — aligned fate

#008 — hiding behind the screen

#009 — sorry that was Tyler

#010 — ur hubby wubby 😊?

#011 — wtf is PDOA

#012 — setting u guys up (for failure)

#013 — Eat up the Concrete I guess!

#014 — what if i cried

#015 — DO IT FOR LOVE

#016 — not so original plan

#017 — wait….WAIT….

#018 — couple goals! ( + written )

#019 — a “friendly” date

#020 — bros beefing w an anon

#021 — NOT VIRGINS?

#022 — cupid is puzzled

#023 — like for real for real

#024 — JAY BIGGEST SUNYN FAN

#025 — mr & mrs cupid

bonuses (special chapters)

strawberry anon reveal | surprise 🤗

ENHA PERM TAGLIST — @flwoie @ixomiyu @yenavrse @shinsou-rii @luveuly @ilovewonyo @yenqa @dimplewonie @bubblytaetae @wtfhyuck @ineedaherosavemeenow @starcubes @starikizs @wonioml @chirokookie @xiaoderrrr @neozon3nha @en-chantedtomeetyou @millksea @enhaz1 @eundiarys @zuyairus @ja4hyvn @judeduartewannabe @j-wyoung @thia-aep @vampcharxter @softpia @officiallyjaehyuns @itsactuallylina @hsheart @sweetjaemss @ahnneyong @hanienie @jwnghyuns @kpoplover718 @jiawji @rikizm @haknom @yeokii

(🎧) APPLICATIONS CLOSED ! — (TAGLIST)

- ask, dm, or comment to be tagged for love error !

@stariszn @astrae4 @tnyhees @y7n2394-ze @beomsitez @viyqe @flwrshee @starz4hyunz @valentineluvr @wonsc4tz @txtmetonight @bekiss-world @elysianeclipxe @shinunoga-iie-wa

[crepesuzette2023]

Hi, I would love recs for mclennon fics dripping in sexual tension, like six hours in August by stonedlennon. It doesn't need to have explicit sexual content. Thank you!

Thank you so, so much for this ask—this is a category of fiction I personally enjoy *a lot* (imagine Paul's "I slept with John..." pronunciation).

Here are some favorites that came to my mind. Some have sex on the page, others do not; I remember all of these as having excellent Tension™. I hope you find something you like here! Young J/P:

Streets of Your Town (@with-eyes-closed): Sensual. The upheaval in young Paul's mind as he falls in love with music and John, without putting a name to it. As of yet unfinished, but it's so good I rec it anyway, because it's...[read to find out, take a fan]

All I Know Since Yesterday (RedheadAmongWolves): Paul and John's first kiss at Paul's, after long, sweet hours of trembling fear/excitement. Paul POV.

The Way Things Sometimes Are (@paisanas): Young John is troubled and pining for Paul. Paul is mesmerizing through his eyes.

now and then (there's a fool such as I) (@stonedlennon): The Nerk Twins take the bus to Caversham and share a bed. You can smell the summer grass and the sweaty leathers...

(Ain't no cure for the) summertime blues (orphan_account): John and Paul alone on a hot summer day.

The Photograph (thinkpink20): John finds a Photograph Mike took of Paul and notices...things.

Hamburg:

ageless children, animal sweat (eyeball2eyeball): Read this story to spend time in John's throbbing, unhinged Hamburg mind. No sex on the page, and yet. It's *everywhere*. For such a short story, it takes up a lot of room in my brain. The Paul in this story is one of my favorite Pauls.

Sinful City (thinkpink20). Days and Nights in Hamburg. Paul needs John, and stops questioning things.

In Margaret Asher's music room:

Tell You Something (@louiselux). Lennon and McCartney write "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The tension rises.

In or near Paul's Geodesic Dome:

shotgunning (@pauls1967moustache): John and Paul languidly try something new...

Chrysalis (cloudy_blue): Tension in 1967. Hypnotic and stylish, I love it.

Stop all the Clocks (@javelinbk): After Brian's death, John and Paul retreat to Scotland. Grief and awakening ensue...slowly and sweetly.

Greece:

Way Up Top (@boshemians). Snapshots of J/P desire and spiraling doubts, contained in the Beatles' trip to Greece to buy an island.

Nineteen Sixty-Eight:

Outro (bakerstreetafternoon). From the Summary: 'Had it been this tension that had kept them together? Had it always?'

Bad Luck to Talk (7intheevening): Paul chats with JohnandYoko at a party and follows them home for a cup of tea. What hurts more exquisitly than pining? Unacknowledged pining.

John I'm Only Dancing (@skylikeaflame): Amidst the insanity of the Mad Day Out, desire erupts relentlessly.

The 70's as they should have been:

Down on the Farm (RosalindBeatrice): Incredibly hot and realistic (and funny in just right amounts!). John visits Paul in Nashville; Paul shows off Wings and the family, John stays the night. Dot dot dot.

I can only speak my mind (@paisanas): John's diaries are leaked to the press and printed; Paul reads them. What follows is the sexual awakening of James Paul McCartney as he reads of John's feelings for him. First rate pining, past and present.

I still miss someone/ I know that I miss you, but I don't know where I stand/ close the door lightly when you go (RosalindBeatrice): John and Paul meet in 1976. There is a spark. Few and far between meetings follow.

The Other Eighties (John lives and experiences sexual tension with Paul):

and when broken bodies are washed ashore (who am i to ask for more) (wardo wedidit): John divorces Yoko and visits Paul in Scotland. Soul searching and relationship mending.

The Birthday Party (@merseydreams): John and Paul meet at Ringo's Birthday Party. There is only one bed.

Tension through the Years:

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes (@savageandwise). John is turned on by Paul smoking. 1958—1969.

[googledetective]

my thoughts about the new drdt episode...

I want to start off that this episode has not left me in a great mental state and this piece of fiction is starting to effect my reality in a negative way, currently. I do suffer from mental health issues, so please be sympathetic. If something I say seems too emotional or a bit off, that's likely why. My therapist will be hearing about drdt, lol. No hate towards drdt, it's an amazing project, and I'm amazed at how the piece of fiction is able to make me react in such a way.

1. I am not educated on ASPD or anything like that, so if I say something wrong feel free to correct me. I had a feeling that Levi likely had it from his secret, but this is a cool confirmation. I like that this is represented in a really great way, and that the reactions to his confessions are also very realistic. I like Levi a lot, but now I understand him so much more, and it makes me really appreciate him.

2. I find it interesting how Levi is so detached, as Veronika said, to everything. Even if I was not capable of remorse, I would've remembered killing my own father. I wonder what his father did to be so looked down upon.

2.5. OKAY SO HES KINDA JUST LIKE ME FR. like I stated previously I've had some bad mental health issues in the past to the point I've kicked windshields of cars in and attacked people. It is not my proudest moment, but holy shit I can relate to this a lot. It makes me so good to see someone who's done shit like I've done who's trying to change.

3. Ace really did care about Levi and considered him a friend, which warmed and broke my heart at the same time. I really hope Ace finds another friend, because he deserves to feel some comfort and joy. I hope he learns about Levi's ASPD and realizes Levi has no malicious intent towards him. I find it nice that Ace did really trust and look up to Levi though, it proves him capable of friendship and deeper feelings that people usually overlook. Great complex character.

4. I was shocked that Levi sided with David, but honestly I do too. David is a good person, and we see that later in the ep where he doesn't tell Eden what Arei said.

5. J CALLED OUT HU??? UNEXPECTED. called her a stupid argument moderator. Interesting. I love you J, but watch it.

6. Veronika's secret isn't the worst thing she's ever done- interesting. I think it could be the thing she's the most ashamed of, but you never know. It really breaks my heart for Hu, and I hope we get a backstory on her soon.

I'm coming back after point 14 and adding this: these secrets don't seem to be any of the worst things they've ever done, nor relevant to the killing game (besides "Xander's"). These secrets are personal. I think they each have worse secrets but they are too related to the killing game so they couldn't give those out.

7. Excuse you, David. Freaky ass.

8. that is NOT Teruko's secret 😭😭😭

9. This is seriously rich coming from J, as she usually escalates the situation.

10. Eden's monologue broke my heart. I am so glad David lied to her at the end, or I think Eden's heart would've been broken. This just makes me so sad.

11. "That maybe there would be a world in which we would be friends." I'm sure there would be, since your fans have created worlds that you're dating her.

12. Arei needs to genuinely shut up. This is where I get very upset and irrational. I am so fucking mad at Arei for lying to Eden. For the rest of Eden's life she's going to be wondering what she could've done or if her friendship was enough. Why the fuck would you lie and say you believed you could change, only to come back and admit you know you can't. My heart breaks for Arei though, because I believe she could've changed. This especially makes me so upset because as a previously bad person who relates to Arei and tries to change, I feel like I'm going to give up hope to do so too. Obviously I gotta overpower and not let fiction effect my reality, but it really hurts.

13. Arei's worldview that nobody is a good person mirrors David's (though David excludes Xander). Makes me really sad. I can hope, but there's really no hope left.

14. Well we know who attacked Xander (what the actual fuck). I hope we learn how that ties in later. Eden's hidden quote, "you can never go back, no matter how hard you try." maybe it's referring to this incident instead of the situationship with her friends in the past.

15. Love this.

16. WE HAD A JRUKO MOMENT!!! So happy about this!!!

17. Why the actual fuck does Whit know so much about how that hanging mechanism would work. You're making yourself look so suspicious. High and low were highlighted, which was interesting.

18. Whit said this murder would've been hard if Arei wasn't a willing victim. If she was, this just makes this case even more tragic. She may have convinced herself to give up hope and cooperated with the killer, which pains me a lot. I think this was due to David's secret.

19. I love the carousel bit! And the banter between Arturo and Whit. They had banter last trial too, so that's a continuation. Maybe they'll have a confrontation in the future.

20. NICO FUCKED BRO

21. At this point my only logical conclusion of who I think the killer could be is J.

22. Everyone is bringing up Ace's friend- Taylor! It's seriously throwing me for a loop bc that's my name!

ENDING:

To clarify, I think it's sad that Arei believes she can't change and even started doubting Eden.

[rjcopeseethemald]

Writeblr Intro

Hello, ladies and gentlemen and assorted others of Writeblr! I am R. J. Copeland, 21, he/they, and I just landed here on Tumblr not too long ago. I have been chipping away at the first entry in my fantasy novel series since September of 2022, and I joined this platform in the hopes of befriending some fellow literarily-minded folks.

What’s my deal here:

I mostly write fantasy, though I do have some sci fi on the back burner

My current serious work in progress is a fantasy novel which I intend to turn into seven books.

But what’s that WIP about? Well, it’s what you get when the author’s favorite show is The Expanse, but they clicked better with the aesthetics of the ATLA universe, plus watched The Owl House, Andor, Carnival Row, and Steven Universe. Oh and they play Paradox map games (but it’s ok because I have good politics I swear guys trust me bro)

The actual story is that of a twin brother and sister’s grand adventure across the waters of their colonized homeland, as they discover ancient cosmic beings and learn magic. But all is not well, as you might have gathered—and I don’t just mean the state actors enforcing the will of empire. A deeper threat stirs outside of the knowledge of humanity. One that may someday force a reckoning….

I also write fan fiction, of which I’m ashamed; so until it’s posted, that shit is top secret. Even though it’s not even nsfw so what am I worried about

Otherwise, I’m just looking to make some friends here. I am very hyped to meet some fellow writers!

I might not be able to respond immediately, but I am very open to receiving messages from anyone; so long as they are not a bot or a scammer, of course.

I wish you all happy writing, and I hope to see you around!

[bluebellofbakerstreet]

A-Z Sherlock Fan Fiction Tropes Bingo

Many thanks to @swissmissing for creating this bingo card! Because I'm like that, I decided to go for a blackout bingo! And because, even as I was typing these, I kept thinking of more wonderful fics that would fit the brief, I hope to fill in my bingo card again. Writers are amazing and deserve to be lauded, and I have left off so many amazing fics and authors. Besides, we all need fic recs. 💙

AU/Amnesia The Murder of Emory J Amat by chriscalledmesweetie. Sherlock and John in 1920's AgathaChristieLand. It's a WIP but is currently updating weekly. (52k, T)

BDSM/Bodyswap - Certain Skills by NoStraightLine. John expressly told Sherlock that if he stole his gun again he’d get the fucking he was asking for. Sherlock “Boundaries Are Boring” Holmes stole John’s gun. (3k, E)

Crossover/Crack - Repo Men by Anyawen. In which Mrs Turner's married ones are James Bond and Q. Q is kidnapped; everybody is a BAMF. (7k, G)

Domestic/Disability A Building of Bridges by pengke. Alternate first meeting. No one would ever send Sherlock in to defuse a stand-off; but on one unlikely day, that’s exactly what happened. “Congratulations, Lestrade,” he called out sarcastically. “You’re traumatizing a war veteran.” (11k, G)

Established Relationship/Enemies to Lovers - Interview by bluebellofbakerstreet. In which the boys are in an 80's punk band, and are being interviewed by Rolling Stone. (2k, G)

Future/Fluff 50. Be You - No one Else Can by KittenKin. John's had a bad day and Sherlock doesn't know how to help. They both feel better at the end, and you will, too. (1k, G)

Gen/Genderswap - The Art of Communication by stillwaters01. Lestrade is receiving odd texts from Sherlock; he reads between the lines and brings help. (2k, T)

Historical/Humor - Acceptable Behavior by bbcatemysoul. Sherlock isn't really sure why John wants to shag him, but he's certain that if he's careful to behave properly about it, John can be persuaded to keep doing it. (3k, M)

Illness/imprisonment -  Radioactive Trees in a Red Forest by Maribor_Petrichor. Harrowing account of John's battle with mental health issues and addiction after - you know - everything. (280k, E)

Jealousy/Jilted - Hungry by LipstickDaddy. John can't figure out why Sherlock is being so nice to that new guy working with the yard. (7k, G)

Kids/Kink - The Alchemy of Sea Glass by reveling_in_mayhem. Salt and air and sand surrounded their little party of three. Crashing waves, gull cries, and the exhilarated exclamations of an excited three-year-old served as the soundtrack to a day filled with blue skies and bright sunshine. (22k, E)

Long/Love Triangle The Edinburgh Problem by snorklepie. “A nice holiday, just a bit more...murdery. ” John said drily. “Yes! The best kind of holiday!” Sherlock beamed. “So we won’t get bored!” (152k, E)

Magical Realism/Major Character Death Left by LifeonMars. John Watson is left-handed. He’s tried not to let it affect his life, but as any Lefty knows, that’s almost impossible. (45k, M)

NSFW/Next Gen. Warzone by abundantlyqueer. Three smutty stories that pick up where the first two episodes left off. (13k, E)

Omegaverse/Only One Bed - Scars Don't Lie by CumberCurlyGirl. The prospect of going undercover as husbands to a couples retreat is just too enticing to refuse. (33k, M)

Parenthood/Platonic The Man With the Cartier Frames by JRow. Sherlock's top priority is The Work, just as it's always been ... in between trips to Putney to help with Rosie, collecting Rosie from school, and preparing for Rosie's sleepover at Baker Street. (32k, T)

Queer/Quest Dance With Me by TotallySilverGirl. Sherlock's queer quest for johnlock requires dancing, and some help from Sally Donovan. (28k, E)

Retirement/Road Trip - The Winter Garden by Callie4180. As Sherlock nears the end of his career, he's given the gift of a cottage in Sussex. The honey from the beehives out back is amazing. Almost...magical. (31k, T)

Soulmates/Slow Burn Soul Mate by Mottlemoth. Mystrade. The words appeared on Mycroft's arm aged fourteen. He's now lived with the unfortunate words all his life, not certain that he even wishes to meet his soul mate if that's how the man talks. (4k, T)

Teen AU/Time Travel - The Curious Adventure of the Drs Watson by ShinySherlock. What if ACD Watson and BBC Watson switched places? (40k, M)

Undercover/Unrequited - Last Call at the Homesick Pub by Chryse. During the hiatus, Sherlock is both undercover and suffering from unrequited love. (3k, T)

Vampires/Villain POV - Nine Tenths of the Law by bendingsignpost. John knows what's his - of course he'll kill for it. (Modern vampire AU) (18k, M)

Whump/Werewolves When Your Belly’s in the Trench by Morgan_Stuart. The next time that door opens, John Watson will kill the person on the other side. (4k, T)

Xenomorphism/Xmas - Ghost Stories by SwissMiss. Sherlock's parents think he and John are a couple. They might be onto something. (22k, M)

Zombies/Zoomorphism - Aim for the Head by Breath4Soul. Sometimes you don't really find yourself until everything has ended.A fic about finding love, healing, and purpose after everything has gone to hell. Still a WIP, but worth it. (44k, M)

[skyfullofpods]

Random Podcast Recommendations Mega-List Part 1!

Updated: 07/12/23

Collected here in part 1 because tumblr has a limit of 100 links per post of my alphabetical list are the fiction podcasts from A-M I've recommended so far for my random podcast recommendations! Part 2 is here

A A Ninth World Journal Afflicted Aishi Online Alba Salix Among the Stars and Bones Apollyon Arden ars PARADOXICA

B Back Again, Back Again The Ballad of Anne & Mary The Beacon Believer Black Friday Breaker Whiskey The Bright Sessions

C CARAVAN Chaika Chain of Being Civilized Coexistence Come On In, The Water's Fine Copperheart Counterbalance

D Death by Dying Desert Skies Desperado Diary of a Space Archivist Dining in the Void Directive Do You Copy Dos: After You Down

E The Earth Collective Elaine’s Cooking for the Soul Electromancy The End of Time and Other Bothers Ethics Town Exoplanetary Everything is Alive

F Falling Forward Fan Wars: The Empire Claps Back The Far Meridian Fireside Folktales Folxlore Forgive Me!

G Gay Future Georgie Romero Is Done For Girl in Space The Goblet Wire Gone Great & Terrible Greater Boston Greenhouse

H Hallway to Nowhere Hand in Glove Harlem Queen Hauntingly Humdrum Hello From the Hallowoods Hi Nay Hit the Bricks Human Error

I Immunities InCo Inhale Inn Between In Transit

J Janus Descending Jar of Rebuke Joy to the World Jupiter Saloon

K Kalila Stormfire's Economical Magick Services Kane and Feels Keep It Steady The Kingmaker Histories

L The Last Echoes Less is Morgue Liars & Leeches Life On Pause Light Hearts LIMBO Lost Terminal Love and Luck

M Margaret's Garden Margaritas & Donuts The McIlwraith Statements Me and AU Mercury: A Broadcast of Hope Meteor City Middle:Below Moonbase Theta, Out

[2old2swiftie]

Following on the post about trusting our guts about gaydar and celebrities...

I've batted nearly .1000 when it comes to predicting a celebrity's sexual orientation just from media clues. I think partly it's because I don't make the "guess" that often: Only a few celebrities really ring the clue phone (yeah, lack of representation sucks), but I also think the other reason is because LGBTQIA folks don't get it wrong very often.

I mean, it's pretty important that our instincts are right, after all. We could truly be risking our lives on a wrong guess in real life. We have to be incredibly careful AND pretty darned good.

So, I was trying to think of someone who pinged my spidey senses that I was COMPLETELY wrong about... and I came up with only one example:

Kate Mulgrew.

Despite driving the daydreams of legions of 1970s lesbians (Rosie O'Donnell, I'm looking at you), Kate remains firmly heterosexual, in spite of the lesbian catnip she oozes from every pore.

Just look at her as Mary Ryan in her soap opera debut:

She went on to do movies and the stage for a number of years, but she was hard to cast because she didn't fit the cookie cutter parts available at the time. She had a brief doctor series and some guest star spots, most notably on Dallas and Cheers.

But when they cast her as Captain Janeway? Come on!!

Look at her!!!

Every woman loving woman in all the quadrants wanted to be her coffee cup!!

But the man boys at Paramount decided the show needed some spank appeal for the 14-24 male demographic, so they brought out their Space Barbie, Seven of Nine, to introduce some gratuitous sex and nudity.

"Only one problem, boys," said Mulgrew with a smirk....

Voyager now had a willful, headstrong, wildly intelligent "alien" snatched from her natural environment and penned up in a rigid, paramilitary system that she had to learn to navigate, understand, and ultimately be tamed by... and it was headed by another willful, headstrong, wildly intelligent human, who happened to be female, too.

The producers and writers claimed Janeway was Seven's mentor, a "mother figure" to the poor little space orphan.

As the J/7 fandom put it: Mother, my ass.

The subtext-- and soon the fan fiction-- wrote itself: Seven gets kidnapped back to the Borg? Janeway takes on a Borg cube with a ship a tenth its size. Failing Borg technology threatens Seven's life? Janeway goes "cortical node" hunting, even if it means killing a live (enslaved, sentient) drone to get one. Greater good? Screw that, Janeway's girlfriend is in danger.

Star Trek: Voyager went toe-to-toe with Xena, Warrior Princess as lesbian show of the decade.

And it wasn't just the show that made us all sure about Kate. The woman has the voice of a lesbian sex goddess and she's not afraid to use it. She flirts shamelessly with all interviewers and creates sexual tension with stage furnishings. She swaggers. She slouches. She has the greatest hand game in lesbian history!!

But through it all, Kate Mulgrew maintained (and still maintains) her heterosexuality.

And I still hope...nay, LONG!, to have my gaydar proven right...

[misfitwashere]

“We did not do well”: MAGA admits Kamala Harris broke Donald Trump

And all the King’s horses and all the King’s men won’t put him together again

By Brian Karem

Published September 12, 2024 9:00AM (EDT)

Beware the prosecutor who smiles. Be wary of the cornered sewer rat who feels threatened.

That sums up the contentious presidential debate between Vice President Kamala Harris and former president and convicted felon Donald Trump in Philadelphia Tuesday night. At every turn, she brilliantly laid out bait that he couldn’t resist. By the end of the night, he was the cornered sewer rat – and he knew it. His closing speech was just a volcano of rage spewing at an opponent who had just thoroughly destroyed him. 

Harris proved beyond all reasonable doubt she was presidential. Trump again proved he is not.

The Republicans, curiously, find themselves in the same position Democrats were in following the last debate.

Then, on Wednesday the nation took a breath from the divisive politics of the day to remember our fellow Americans who died 23 years ago in the most infamous act of terrorism ever perpetrated against our country. Democrats and Republicans, political rivals and enemies for a brief moment acknowledged what the rest of us face on a daily basis; we are all in it together.

If only Donald Trump and his minions understood and practiced that ideal. But, as my dad used to say, “wish in one hand and s**t in the other and see which one fills up first.” Political realities these days, being an inexhaustible source of feculence, ensure that at least one hand is filled at all times with an undesirable solid waste disposal project – and usually it is courtesy of Donald J. Trump. Five minutes after a somber ceremony in Pennsylvania honoring those who died, Trump was back grifting; asking for money and calling Harris a Marxist.

Trump dabbles in the devious, delights in the disingenuous and hopes to destroy with deception. Being decrepit and a demonically driven demagogue, he has only been successful in duplicity with those who cannot differentiate between fact and fiction. 

The debate was a total debacle for Donald Trump

Immediately following Tuesday’s debate (just think of how far we’ve come since Trump debated Biden in June) Trump again declared victory – saying in emails to his supporters that he destroyed the Harris campaign, while Harris issued an email declaring she had done the same to Trump.

The only thing both camps agree on, seemingly, is that the moderators sucked. I gave both moderators much better grades than their counterparts at CNN during the first debate. ABC News’ David Muir and Linsey Davis actually fact-checked both candidates in real time. Democrats thinks Trump got too much time to talk and was never muted. The right thinks Trump was fact-checked too often and the moderators sided with Harris. The fact that both sides have complaints about the moderators is an indication that they did a better job than their CNN predecessors. Muir was good at fact-checking Trump on the false claim of Haitian immigrants eating pets and pinning Trump down on his 2020 election loss. Davis was really good at getting Trump to shut up when he rambled. Trump and his supporters complained that he was fact-checked more than Harris, but that’s merely an admission that he lied more often than she did.

I covered the Trump administration daily for four years. I came to know him as an unprincipled man of greed, lust and carnal desires that continue to rule him and thus make him unfit for office. As Harris said Tuesday night, he’s a disgrace.

A year ago, I was not a fan of the vice president. I served as the pool reporter on a trip through Los Angeles and noted how laughably inept the staged visit was. I noted that she looked like a local city council member making an appearance rather than the person who was only a heartbeat away from the presidency. Worst of all, she simply wasn’t impressive when she spoke. 

Harris has grown considerably in her role since then. 

Her acceptance speech at the Democratic National Convention was impressive. Though she ad-libbed next to nothing of that speech, she delivered an impassioned call to voters to turn the page on Donald Trump and his outlandish, outmoded thinking. Tuesday night was impressive on another level – she proved not only that she could think on her feet, but she nailed the issues. From the beginning, when she forced Trump to shake hands to her closing when she charted a course for America that resonated, she owned Trump. She looked right at him with the gaze of a prosecutor as she called Trump out, and she looked out at the audience as if we were the jury as she made a plea for a better nation. 

Trump couldn’t offer a complete answer to any policy question. The closest he came was saying he had a “concept” of an idea for healthcare after nine years of dealing with the subject. I guess he was channeling his inner George Costanza. He never said how he could end the wars in either Gaza or Ukraine - though he claimed he would do both. Finally, he failed to explain why he called GOP lawmakers to kill a bipartisan immigration bill while he continued to try and campaign on the issue.  Harris nailed him there when she said he “wanted to run on a problem rather than fixing the problem.”

Trump failed to understand the abortion issue and why women are so upset that men get to make choices about their bodies when women cannot. Again, Harris nailed him on that. Davis as moderator asked Trump why women should trust him. He couldn’t answer that. Harris reminded everyone how unconscionable Trump was and that “one does not have to abandon their faith or deeply held beliefs to agree: The government and Donald Trump certainly should not be telling a woman what to do with her body.” At that point in time, they should’ve sent in a coroner to check for Trump’s vital signs. He was dead in the water.

Mind you, Trump didn’t know who was running the Taliban (Abdul?) and when Harris said he was manipulated by flattery from international leaders who laughed at him, he could only say that Viktor Orban loved him. 

At the end of the day, even Trump staffers were quietly talking about the fiasco.

Trump is ultimately blind to what America is, and only attracts those who are willing to give up their independence to him and believe that despite whatever facts are available to the contrary – Donald is the only truth-teller.

Of course, to Donny Darko, a day in the life of an immigrant in the U.S. is to wake up in jail, get your transgender operation before you have your dogmeat breakfast, then take over Seattle or a small town in Ohio before you chow down on your favorite feline for dinner.

Bless his heart.

Donald Trump is many things. He is rude, crude, socially unacceptable, inflammatory and demonstrative. He constantly called the U.S. a failing nation, said only he could fix it and that world leaders (who laugh at him) are so afraid of him that if he isn’t let back into the Oval Office, World War III will ensue. 

To Harris’s credit, she never took the bait, even as he clumsily tried to talk about race. “Same old lies,” was all she could muster, in between laughs. “Now that’s extreme,” she laughed off his absurd claims about immigrants eating dogs. 

At the end of the day, even Trump staffers were quietly talking about the fiasco. “Down ballot Republicans are very angry and worried,” one Trump staffer told me. “We did not do well.” That was certainly the reason why Trump appeared in the “spin room” to talk to reporters after the debate. He was trying to shore up the press response to a horrible outing. It didn’t work.

The question, of course, is did this debate move the needle at all?  

The Republicans, curiously, find themselves in the same position the Democrats were in following the last debate. Trump is seen as old, out of touch and delusional. When Harris mentioned that Trump was still having “a hard time processing” the fact that he lost the last election, to many people she was speaking directly to a loss of mental capacity. “World leaders are laughing at you,” she said to his face. Dictators, “would eat you for lunch,” she chided. And then, she used his own catchphrase against him when she said “81 million people fired you.” He was a crushed lunatic. A cornered sewer rat. She reminded everyone that 200 former Republicans, including some of the highest members of the former Trump administration had endorsed her. He could only lamely say they were all bad people. 

But does it matter? For the Trump cult, nothing has nor apparently will it ever make a difference. He consistently polls between 42-44 percent of the electorate who will vote for him. If that number drops below 42 percent in the next few weeks, then Trump is done. 

The better chance, of course, is that of the two candidates on stage in Philadelphia Tuesday, only Kamala Harris did what she had to do to reach the fabled undecided voters. “I could see her as the president of the United States,” an undecided voter who is a friend of mine told me after watching the debate. “I didn’t see her that way before.” As for Trump, “He’s a lost ball in the high weeds,” I was told.

Nope. He’s the cornered sewer rat. Norm Ornstein, an American political scientist and an emeritus scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, a Washington, D.C., conservative think tank, said on Mary Trump’s “Nerd Avengers” show Tuesday night that a damaged Trump is still a very dangerous Trump. “We cannot rest. We cannot give an inch. Don’t let them get away with the stuff they will try to get away with.”

The Republicans themselves understand the desperation. Though they are at the same place the Democrats were in June, they are well past their national convention and cannot switch candidates as easily as the Democrats did after Biden’s lackluster performance in the June debate. In short, the Republicans are stuck with Donald Trump. Desperation is mounting as the GOP sees its chances to dominate either the Senate or the House dwindling. 

That makes Trump and his minions more dangerous by the day. 

“We cannot pretend he is not one of the most dangerous people we’ve encountered in American history. He doesn’t care about any of us,” his niece Mary Trump said. 

Be wary of that sewer rat.

[the-blue-eyed-firebender]

Hi!

Have I ever told you this? (Probably! But I'll say it again, ha) It's been an absolute treat reading your Royai fics. Thank you for joining this fandom!

What are your inspirations? 😃 In terms of writing style, but also ideas, etc. Please indulge us all, and please do geek out about your writing process too!

I always love learning about how fan fic writers work and write!

Thank you, and I hope you have a lovely day~

Hey there!

You are so kind. It's hard to put into words how much it means to have had such a lovely reception from the FMA fandom. I used to write a lot when I was a kid, but eventually stopped due to some unfortunate and painful circumstances. Writing for this fandom over the last couple of months has been an incredible journey. It has healed some very intrinsic parts of me that I’d forgotten were wounded, and I have written more in the last few months than I have in 15+ years.

So, first and foremost, thank YOU.

Inspirations: I've always been a lover of fantasy and science fiction. My very first fandom was Star Wars, followed shortly thereafter by Avatar: The Last Airbender. Recently, I've become a huge Sarah J. Maas fan (I read ALL of her books in the year 2023 - minus the new one that came out in January). I've also enjoyed Suzanne Collins and Leigh Bardugo (particularly her Six of Crows duology).

But really, I just love stories. I love adventure, magic, and romance. I look for complex characters, vibrant worlds, strong magic systems, and rich backstories. My favorites always involve women who embody strength (mental, physical, and emotional), capable leadership, and femininity. Characters who are equal parts war-like and compassionate, fearsome yet soft.

But my very best inspiration comes from real-life: my sweet husband. It's going to sound silly, but I feel like I write about true love because I've experienced it. This guy was 100% written by a woman (lol). He's read everything I've written, and provides the most wonderful feedback and encouragement.

As far as style/process, I feel like I am still developing it? Haha! It's only been a minute since I got back into writing. But it usually starts with daydreaming to music (often songs without lyrics; Secession Studies is a favorite), typically while I'm in the car. With my first FMA fic, The Counteroffer, I was listening to "Beautiful Things" by Benson Boone on repeat. Something about the way he sings "Please stay / I want you, I need you, oh God" really set the tone for that story. That, combined with inspiration from the infamous Chapter 54 of A Court of Mist and Fury.

There's usually an moment or a line of dialogue that pops into my brain first (for The Counteroffer, it was Hawkeye lifting the discharge paperwork to find Mustang has also given her an unsigned marriage certificate). I write that bit, then the rest of the story sort of fills in around it. I write in disjointed fragments, adding chunks here and there and then connecting them together. Sometimes I shuffle things around, moving chunks to different locations in the story to see how it changes the flow.

Beginnings, endings, and titles are usually the hardest for me to come up with.

And here's a few of my own patterns that I've started to notice:

I love stories that read with a poetic beat to them (I think the best example of this in my own work is Hourglass).

I use line breaks for emphasis a lot.

I am intentional about keeping things concise but impactful. When it comes to word count, my personal rule is quality > quantity, always.

I try not to use "said/says" without other descriptive words.

If a portion of the story is dialogue driven, I'll read it aloud to make sure it actually flows like real conversation.

I often drop "and" from sentences when I feel like it messes with the poetic flow ("She became familiar with the space between heartbeats, the squeeze of the trigger, the wet sound of a bullet finding its mark." - Hourglass).

In the same vein, I use a sort of "rule of threes" quite a bit. I break sentences into three parts, offer three descriptions of a character's observation/sensation/emotion, repeat the same phrase three times, etc. (Oh look, I've done it again.)

I write in third person, present tense, always from the perspective of one character at a time. I feel like this puts myself and the reader right in the middle of the action, as it's happening. I dive deep into the primary character's thoughts and senses, both internal and external.

I re-read/re-watch the original content (i.e. FMAB, the manga) often, even if it's just in small parts. It keeps me grounded to who these characters are, and prevents me from going OOC. It's so easy to lose track of characterization if it's been too long since I watched an episode or read a chapter.

Hoo boy this got long. Thanks so much for the delightful ask! It was a lot of fun to dive into my own writing process and habits.

[jess-abella]

Fan art post # 2.

This time it’s how I picture Pansy Parkinson in Ch 16 of my own Dreomione WIP ‘Casual Fun’ on AO3. I loved writing this scene and I’m looking forward to sharing it so here’s a little advanced snippet/spoiler:

Chapters 1-9 are published, I’m hoping to publish 10-12 very soon (pending Beta edits):

If you read it I’d love to hear what you think. It’s my first fic, written almost entirely on my phone but I’m LOVING the process of sharing my writing for the first time.

Fic summary:

- Established Dreo seeking a third

- Hidden identity

- They get unexpectedly attached to Hermione

- Smut and fluff and more smut