#iyaks

[chr0nicles-of-rin3]

hiiii.... hindi niya ako pinapansin .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·.

will i just accept my fate of being alone next month sa lantern fest? /_ \

[sunlit-mess]

[mikkeneko]

my Pathfinder character during tonight's session, very drunk but very sincere: "Asp, you mean so much to me. You're like a brother to me, except that you're the wrong species, and also dead"

[grvntld]

21 june 2024—✨️🤍🎀👁💋👁🎀🤍✨️

i was out and about for half of this day bc—

🩺 obgyne visit ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ finally got my first dose of hpv vaccine. two more doses to go! also did my pcos routine checkup. results were as expected, and yet, i still cried bc of it. no surprises there, really. overall, im grateful bc duh, ive got no major thingy to worry about naman down there, ykwim.

🍵 chill tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ went to one of my go-to cafe restaurants. im so happeh they opened this branch, and they finally hv meals on their menu! i stayed here for hoOOOOooOOOooours—for lunch i had their bacon slab something + sea salt latte, and then for dinner i had their buffalo chicken something salad + mango hibiscus. i also prepared an ig post which my brain turned into a full blown activity (((i had so much fun making the caption for this ♡))) all the while watching bones, and talking to my sibs + gOrL cousins. i miss them.

💆‍♀️ relaxation tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ decided to get my monthly massage today. hihi. my body has been aching lately, especially my hips and lower back. got a deep tissue massage, and oh my gosh, i think ive found the masseuse for me. she was amazing! i really felt like all the tension has left my body, oh my gosh, i so love her!!! i took a mental note of her name so that i could request her for my next massage.

💞 home at last ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ surprised moosey with a custom vanilla bean latte ♡ i also surprised him by going straight home, instead of him picking me up. all my gala kasi, hatid sundo niya talaga me, and i was just feeling like ~actually~ coming home to him and to the furbebis this time, with a pasalubong in hand, so there i was booking a grab ride even though i was actually scared and anxious doing that (((bc my cousin had two unfortunate grab rides recently))). i also brought home my fave harry potter butterbeer. hihi.

🐶 furbebis missed me ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ and of course, as usual, it was also sooOOOOooo heartwarming to see the furbebis so excOited to welcome me back home. they were all given hugs and kissies na diyan sa gif kaya mejj calm na sila. hehe. also, 5/6 sila diyan since di pa pwede much makipag-interact youngest namin hihi she got lotsa kisses too, of course!

—grabe, this day was indeed packed! i enjoyed it so much ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ my heart, mind, body, and soul are all well-rested huhu thank you, big g!

[jillaxkalangg]

sana bukas mas magaan na :^)

[maybeyoursomedaydream]

another serye na naman po ba ng hindi matutulog sa bahay pero super tulog sa office 😣😣😣

[stephending]

Paano kung ayoko na

[raccoonskoodilypoopdungeon]

been listening to parokya ni edgar a lot lately and buloy is so emicole i think

[sunb0rn]

Daylily, Movements

hearing one of the songs that -saved- me and singing to it live.

[2truehearts]

faints and dies

[pupyuj]

i wanna post a fic so bad but my ass is getting KICKED right now i can't do anything else but answer asks AND I CAN'T EVEN MAKE THEM AS GOOD AS I USED TO... ano baaaaa 😭😭😭

[baconcolacan]

*Daydreaming of part-Filipino Paul*

Feed me adobo under the moonlight daddy

[imblocking-you]

Watching Death's Game because I like suffering ��

[kimhortons]

On a Peaceful Sunday Morning.

I remember kasi nung namatay si mommy, first and last iyak ko lang nung nag chat yung kapatid ko na wala na si mommy. kararating ko lang sa work non, Sunday. ang peaceful ng paligid. nag my day pa ako non “sana laging Sunday” wala rin kasing traffic at yung tugtog sa uv non ay mga genre ni Bryan Adams na favorite niya. nakita ko pa siya that morning when i woke up na nanunuod ng mass sa TV. I never thought na yun na pala yung huling moment na makikita ko siyang nasa bahay.

night before that kasi, may outing kami non sa shop na pinag trabahuhan ko sa ate ni Mitch, birthday rin ng anak ng ate niya non kaya andun din family nila. i dunno kung nakwento ko na ‘to dito, (oo yata) before ako umalis nung gabing yun—Saturday. naprepare ko na pati uniform ko kasi balak ko sana dumeretcho ng work kinabukasan from there. as usual ang daming bilin ni mommy non, mag ingat, yung mga gamit ko etc. nilagyan niya pa ako ng bimpo sa likod hehe. sobrang good vibes din ng energy non sa bahay, humihingi pa sana ng kiss si papa para sakanila ni mommy bago ako umalis. pero I just shrugged it off kasi like hello, tanda ko na. ganon lang inisip ko non. napa ngisi lang si mommy nun sa reaction ko, pero ang peaceful din ng awra niya that night.

so nung nandun na kami sa venue, after few shots and kain, videoke and after maglublob sa pool, bigla akong nag decide na uuwi nalang ako. I dunno bakit bigla nagbago isip ko nun—premonitions siguro. around 12am nakauwi ako, gising pa si mommy, parang inaantay niya ako. then natulog na ko after. tapos yun na, kinabukasan mawawala na pala siya. pati si papa nun, hindi sumama sa outing ng mga kapitbahay namin, sabi niya nun gusto niya lang mag stay sa bahay. so wala yung mga tito at tita ko nun, ang nandito lang nun si papa, kapatid ko at yung pinsan kong nagpaiwan din.

umiyak lang ako nun kasi naalala ko yung sinasabi niya noon na kaya niya hanggang 80 years old. e 62 lang siya. yun lang yung first and last time na umiyak ako the moment I found out she's gone. tapos nung pag uwi ko sa bahay, nakatunganga lang sila, di alam gagawin. ako naman kumilos agad, sinamahan pa ako ni Anthonette—yung childhood friend ko—na maghanap ng isusuot ni mommy. ako lahat nag asikaso, kumuha ng death certificate niya, nag asikaso ng mga requirements ng funerarya para maiburol siya. hanggang sa mailibing, ako lahat naglakad, mabuti nga't kasama ko si J non.

kaya siguro di ako nagkaron ng time na magdalamhati dahil busy at ako rin nag eentertain ng mga bisita. parang pinipigil ko maiyak non kasi ayaw ko makita ng mga tao. baka sabihin nila ang ipokrita ko naman, e lagi nga kaming nag aaway noon, di ko rin siya masyadong naalagaan, feeling ko non wala akong nagawa for her nung nagkasakit siya. hanggang libing pinilit kong hindi maiyak, kahit nakita ko non yung kapatid kong lumuluha habang inaayos na yung pinaglagakan niya.

kaya ngayon siguro ako iyak ng iyak sa tuwing maaalala ko. iiyak siguro ulit ako sa New Year. parang si J last year nung nag bagong taon ako sakanila, sabi niya nalulungkot siya at namimiss niya yung ate niya. hay. ang lungkot, but life goes on.

[nice2meetyouu]

Nabasa ko 'yung replies at messages ng iba kagabi at kaninang madaling araw kaya lalo akong naiyak.

At iniyak ko na lang nang iniyak para matanggal na sa sistema ang frustration na 'di nauubos. Kaya ito, sobrang sakit ng mata ko at sobrang sakit ng ulo ko.

Thank you sa lahat ng virtual hugs!!! (Kung mababasa niyo man 'to.)

Nakakatuwa rin talaga ang internet paminsan. Kasi, kanino ko ito ikukuwento? Sa kapitbahay namin? Buti na lang may virtual supporters and friends sa online world.

Improvement na rin ito kasi kung 'yung dating ako ito, sasali ako sa gaslighting. "Totoo naman wala kang kwenta," "walang ginagawa," etc.

Pero hindi na ngayon, I love myself na. May kakayahan nang maging vulnerable sometimes at maging expressive kahit kaunti.

Mahirap manalo sa mga may PhD sa gaslighting. Sinong nag-oopening line ng "ako na lang lagi ang masama"? Luh.

// Bucketlist ko na lang (1) magpa-change ng citizenship para naman 'di ko na kelangan magpa-visa palagi pag bibyahe-byahe sa kung saan-saan, (2) maging physically fit, (3) magpa-derma, eyelash perm, at kung anu-anong related, at (4) maging multimillionaire.

Hanap bahay 2023!!!!!!!! Advanced happy new year sa lahat. 🫶

[grvntld]

hOi tuesday pa lang pero pagodt na ko ha malapit na ko mambalibag like (ノಠ ∩ಠ)ノ彡( o°o) seryoso ewan ko anong meron sa pasok ng week na to pero teka lang ha tEKA LANG SABI EH KAKALOKA AYAW PAAWAT SIGE KEYOW ≡/( .-.)\ ︵╰(«○»益«○»)╯︵ /(.□. /)̨