#iyak

[maybeyoursomedaydream]

another serye na naman po ba ng hindi matutulog sa bahay pero super tulog sa office 😣😣😣

[stephending]

Paano kung ayoko na

[cassadraisabella]

nakaklungkot

t*ena nkakalungkot e, sa bahay di mo makausap nanay mo simpleng tanong lng lagi pilosopo sagot lagi araw galit, kapatid mo ganon din mas bata sayo pero grabe bastos mkipg usap , tatay naman ganon dn kung di sya stroke malamang puro mura dn inaabot ko. grabe kht simpleng tanong lng kht tungkol lng s ulam d nmn kelangan magalit. tapos my partner ka nga na akala mo kakampi mo sa lahat pero palagi tingin sayo kaaway at kontrabida ka palagi s buhay nya. hay sarap patiwakal. parang wala nkong bilang dito sa mundo ni isa kht s mga kaibigan ko walang gusto ko kausap e maayos naman ako. taena ang hirap maging tao. Lord pano bato.

[sunlit-mess]

[chrlvctius]

memories of you

I try to tell myself that I have moved on but it's impossible to ignore the pain I feel inside. No matter how hard I try, it always comes back to haunt me. I can't help but feel guilty for not being able to let go of the past. I try to think positive and remember the good times, but all I can see is the darkness that surrounds me. Even if I manage to push it away for a few moments, it comes back tenfold and leaves me feeling overwhelmed. I want to be free from the shackles of the past, yet I'm constantly weighed down by it. I want to be happy, to experience joy, to laugh and smile freely. But the darkness won't allow me to do so. It's like a heavy blanket that I can't shake off. No matter how much I try, no matter what I do, I still feel like I'm stuck in the same place.

< 3rd person’s pov > It hurt. She tried to move on. Tried to forgive and forget. But it felt like so much more than she could handle. It was too much of a burden to carry around. It was too hard to deal with. All she ever wanted was to be happy, to be whole again. But she couldn't. And she didn't know how to. She just wanted to forget about him. about everything. about everything that happened. it was easier not to think about it. To just let it go. to push it all down, to never let it back to the surface. It was easier that way. But she couldn't. She was forced to remember. To remember all the lies and hurts. To remember all the things she did for him. She keeps on trying. She keeps on trying to forget about all the pain and hurt. But she can't. She feels broken and she doesn't know how to fix herself. Everything is just too much, too hard. She wanted him back so badly, even though she knew it wouldn't be the same and she couldn't bring herself to believe that she could find someone else, someone who is better and would treat her better.

[mikkeneko]

my Pathfinder character during tonight's session, very drunk but very sincere: "Asp, you mean so much to me. You're like a brother to me, except that you're the wrong species, and also dead"

[grvntld]

21 june 2024—✨️🤍🎀👁💋👁🎀🤍✨️

i was out and about for half of this day bc—

🩺 obgyne visit ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ finally got my first dose of hpv vaccine. two more doses to go! also did my pcos routine checkup. results were as expected, and yet, i still cried bc of it. no surprises there, really. overall, im grateful bc duh, ive got no major thingy to worry about naman down there, ykwim.

🍵 chill tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ went to one of my go-to cafe restaurants. im so happeh they opened this branch, and they finally hv meals on their menu! i stayed here for hoOOOOooOOOooours—for lunch i had their bacon slab something + sea salt latte, and then for dinner i had their buffalo chicken something salad + mango hibiscus. i also prepared an ig post which my brain turned into a full blown activity (((i had so much fun making the caption for this ♡))) all the while watching bones, and talking to my sibs + gOrL cousins. i miss them.

💆‍♀️ relaxation tOime ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ decided to get my monthly massage today. hihi. my body has been aching lately, especially my hips and lower back. got a deep tissue massage, and oh my gosh, i think ive found the masseuse for me. she was amazing! i really felt like all the tension has left my body, oh my gosh, i so love her!!! i took a mental note of her name so that i could request her for my next massage.

💞 home at last ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ surprised moosey with a custom vanilla bean latte ♡ i also surprised him by going straight home, instead of him picking me up. all my gala kasi, hatid sundo niya talaga me, and i was just feeling like ~actually~ coming home to him and to the furbebis this time, with a pasalubong in hand, so there i was booking a grab ride even though i was actually scared and anxious doing that (((bc my cousin had two unfortunate grab rides recently))). i also brought home my fave harry potter butterbeer. hihi.

🐶 furbebis missed me ｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈• ｡ﾟ and of course, as usual, it was also sooOOOOooo heartwarming to see the furbebis so excOited to welcome me back home. they were all given hugs and kissies na diyan sa gif kaya mejj calm na sila. hehe. also, 5/6 sila diyan since di pa pwede much makipag-interact youngest namin hihi she got lotsa kisses too, of course!

—grabe, this day was indeed packed! i enjoyed it so much ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ my heart, mind, body, and soul are all well-rested huhu thank you, big g!

[jillaxkalangg]

sana bukas mas magaan na :^)

[raccoonskoodilypoopdungeon]

been listening to parokya ni edgar a lot lately and buloy is so emicole i think

[sunb0rn]

Daylily, Movements

hearing one of the songs that -saved- me and singing to it live.

[2truehearts]

faints and dies

[pupyuj]

i wanna post a fic so bad but my ass is getting KICKED right now i can't do anything else but answer asks AND I CAN'T EVEN MAKE THEM AS GOOD AS I USED TO... ano baaaaa 😭😭😭

[baconcolacan]

*Daydreaming of part-Filipino Paul*

Feed me adobo under the moonlight daddy

[imblocking-you]

Watching Death's Game because I like suffering 👍

[chrlvctius]

holy shit, i think i have a fever 😭👊🏻👊🏻👊🏻

I just got home from school and damn

[kimhortons]

On a Peaceful Sunday Morning.

I remember kasi nung namatay si mommy, first and last iyak ko lang nung nag chat yung kapatid ko na wala na si mommy. kararating ko lang sa work non, Sunday. ang peaceful ng paligid. nag my day pa ako non “sana laging Sunday” wala rin kasing traffic at yung tugtog sa uv non ay mga genre ni Bryan Adams na favorite niya. nakita ko pa siya that morning when i woke up na nanunuod ng mass sa TV. I never thought na yun na pala yung huling moment na makikita ko siyang nasa bahay.

night before that kasi, may outing kami non sa shop na pinag trabahuhan ko sa ate ni Mitch, birthday rin ng anak ng ate niya non kaya andun din family nila. i dunno kung nakwento ko na ‘to dito, (oo yata) before ako umalis nung gabing yun—Saturday. naprepare ko na pati uniform ko kasi balak ko sana dumeretcho ng work kinabukasan from there. as usual ang daming bilin ni mommy non, mag ingat, yung mga gamit ko etc. nilagyan niya pa ako ng bimpo sa likod hehe. sobrang good vibes din ng energy non sa bahay, humihingi pa sana ng kiss si papa para sakanila ni mommy bago ako umalis. pero I just shrugged it off kasi like hello, tanda ko na. ganon lang inisip ko non. napa ngisi lang si mommy nun sa reaction ko, pero ang peaceful din ng awra niya that night.

so nung nandun na kami sa venue, after few shots and kain, videoke and after maglublob sa pool, bigla akong nag decide na uuwi nalang ako. I dunno bakit bigla nagbago isip ko nun—premonitions siguro. around 12am nakauwi ako, gising pa si mommy, parang inaantay niya ako. then natulog na ko after. tapos yun na, kinabukasan mawawala na pala siya. pati si papa nun, hindi sumama sa outing ng mga kapitbahay namin, sabi niya nun gusto niya lang mag stay sa bahay. so wala yung mga tito at tita ko nun, ang nandito lang nun si papa, kapatid ko at yung pinsan kong nagpaiwan din.

umiyak lang ako nun kasi naalala ko yung sinasabi niya noon na kaya niya hanggang 80 years old. e 62 lang siya. yun lang yung first and last time na umiyak ako the moment I found out she's gone. tapos nung pag uwi ko sa bahay, nakatunganga lang sila, di alam gagawin. ako naman kumilos agad, sinamahan pa ako ni Anthonette—yung childhood friend ko—na maghanap ng isusuot ni mommy. ako lahat nag asikaso, kumuha ng death certificate niya, nag asikaso ng mga requirements ng funerarya para maiburol siya. hanggang sa mailibing, ako lahat naglakad, mabuti nga't kasama ko si J non.

kaya siguro di ako nagkaron ng time na magdalamhati dahil busy at ako rin nag eentertain ng mga bisita. parang pinipigil ko maiyak non kasi ayaw ko makita ng mga tao. baka sabihin nila ang ipokrita ko naman, e lagi nga kaming nag aaway noon, di ko rin siya masyadong naalagaan, feeling ko non wala akong nagawa for her nung nagkasakit siya. hanggang libing pinilit kong hindi maiyak, kahit nakita ko non yung kapatid kong lumuluha habang inaayos na yung pinaglagakan niya.

kaya ngayon siguro ako iyak ng iyak sa tuwing maaalala ko. iiyak siguro ulit ako sa New Year. parang si J last year nung nag bagong taon ako sakanila, sabi niya nalulungkot siya at namimiss niya yung ate niya. hay. ang lungkot, but life goes on.