#ive never cried so hard to a tv show

[deeznutsinyomouth77]

everytime i remember carl (grimes) is dead, a little piece of me dies.... I MISS MY BOYYY 😭

[c1oud999]

hi

i just wanted to come on here and talk about my experience with spirituality. warning: longggg post ahead.

basically ive been in the spiritual community for YEARS now. ive had existential crisis since the age of 11 and ive gone through many phases of many different spiritual trends. from law of attraction, to witchcraft, to religious devotion, to law of assumption and now finally non dualism. i read books, meditated for hours and hours, talked to spiritual ppl from all walks of life and watched all the episodes of ganga upanishad (a show i still highly recommend, you can watch on youtube). all this childhood trauma and mental illness made me crave for sweet relief. but nothing really made sense until law of assumption. i thought that that would be it yk. i thought i was done searching but i think that was when i was searching for things the most. i do know i have it in my 4d, when will i see it? i thought i would get all my desires but did not meet success. and then the non dualism trend began and i hopped onto it like pretty much everyone else. i was bewildered at the stuff teachers kept saying. what do you mean everything's an illusion? there's no way that's true. my very real surroundings are causing me VERY real pain and suffering. oh no no there must be a deeper meaning behind all this. and so i read all the books in 4dbarbies drive, but nothing clicked. yes it made sense intellectually, but i didnt want to believe it bc where is the materialisation satisfaction here? also i felt none of the euphoria that was supposed to come with self realisation. which means i must not be a realised being. and then i cried and cried and cried, isolated myself, literally stopped going to school and just lay in bed all day. but ofc, i continued to read the tumblr posts like i had been doing for the past several years. and yesterday i read 4dkelly's post about giving up. it made sense. by the time i had finished reading the post i had truly given up on everything. on wanting, hoping, fearing, striving etc etc. i was SO tired. so i gave up. fell asleep. i woke up really late as usual and missed the school bus. i ate breakfast in silence, switched the tv on and lied down on the couch like always. and like always out of compulsion and force of habit i reached for my phone and looked up non dualism on twitter. and then i came across a tweet that said a simple sentence only- "nothing is ever actually happening." woah. that kinda drove me to the edge of the cliff i desperately wanted to jump off. i turned on some dnb background music and turned the shower on. i stood under the boiling hot water like some dramatic bitch and started piecing together the "puzzle". it all made so much sense now. i got out of the shower and left the house for the first time in months with a cute outfit and makeup on and everything. i went to the mall, bought candles, stickers, eye masks, coffee, and a doughnut with absolutely no social anxiety at all. i sat by window, read some poetry on my e-reader, cried, peered down at the floor below me and cried some more at the sight of little kids sitting on santa's lap and taking pictures and marveled at all the christmas decorations around me. it was insane. i decided i was going to be neutral towards everything but im in love. maddeningly so. in love with this dream that i thought did not love me back. but love is all there is. I AM ALL THERE IS. and i need you to take this literally. there is nothing happening. there is nothing here except you. nothing to fear, nothing to desire. ik a lot of people are going to dismiss this post because it's not a "materialisation success story" but i honestly dont think i can ever want anything physically bc in all its true essence, what is there to materialise? i am already whole and complete. i am lying on this cold hard floor, but i have never felt warmer. also ik there may be a lot of things ive written you might not agree with but again, this is NOT REAL. I AM. i hope this post helps you.

thank you to all the blogs ive come across and all the pointers they have shared: @se1f @realisophie @itgomyway @4dkellysworld @4dbarbie-backup @infiniteko @iamthat-iam and many more i cannot thank enough.

lots and lots of love (more than you can ever imagine), and good luck.

[grecoromanyaoi]

helloo since we're on the topic: top historical fiction (or adjacent) ? can be any time period I just really love your taste in shows/games/etc and am always on the lookout for history inspired media !

thank you!!! im rly glad im like. inspiring other ppl to engage w things im insane abt hudofajsdfdassfsad. anyways. i will probably expand that list bc i literally forgot every single thing i ever read. also i havent watched that many movies so far

ancient times: i havent really watched a lot of movies/series set in ancient times so far :(

rome HBO (2005-2007) (tv series) - OF COURSE. i personally think its one of the best series ever made. they combine political, miliatry history with the lives of every day people in an incredible way. they never let you once engage with the series through modern lenses. according to my teacher (a historian, archeologist & self described 'romaphile') its incredibly historically accurate, mostly the clothing, set designs, characterization, military practices, etc. except for the things they straight up made up, of course.

i really enjoyed gladiator (2000), i think its a masterpiece.

prince of egypt (1998) i guess?

all the asterix movies of course, all the animated ones and most of the live actions. but i wouldnt really call it historical fiction

ok i havent actually finished watching it for now but sebastiane (1976) - an erotic, x rated, gay interpretation of the martyrdom of st sebastian. its in latin also.

wait i cant believe i forgor about assassin's creed odyssey - so far the only one ive played. its so fun and incredibly immersive visually. especially pour moi who cries into the pillow about how ill never experience the ancient world. also you can b a faggot which is always fun. i have things to say about their portrayal of same-sex sexuality and slavery in classical greece but i get why they did that considering its supposed to like. appeal to a lot of people, and a more "historically accurate" portrayal (for example of pederasty or how common slavery was etc.) would b v difficult for a lot of their target audience. alas.

medieval and early modern era:

the name of the rose (1986) - my medieval history teacher literally showed us bits of this movie to teach us about monasteries and monks fhdosiasdjasd.

the borgias (2011-2013) - incredibly messy, lots of political intrigue, and so so fun to watch. about the history of the borgia family. filled to the brim with drama.

the three musketeers (1993) - my favorite adaptation, also coincidentally the one i grew up on. casting tim curry as richelieu was genius. he slays so hard.

i also like bbc's the musketeers (2014-2016) - a neat little series. very fun and entertaining to watch.

outlaw king (2018) - like i dont think most ppl heard of this movie. its about robert the bruce's fight to reclaim the throne of scotland. starring chris pine

vikings (2013-2020) - its fun. i havent watched the entire series tho. dont expect anything resembling historical accuracy

the northman (2022) - you will see something resembling historical accuracy

mihai viteazul (michael the brave) (1971) - a fun movie. very much romanian propaganda tho.

1670 (2023-) - such a fun series!!! incredible cast, shows respect to the actual history and the lives of historical people. really cute and funny.

caravaggio (1986) - a biopic about caravaggio.

wait i also forgor about pentiment - an intriguing, immersive, and incredibly beautiful video game! it has a lot of 'the name of the rose' vibes, with it being a medieval murder mystery taking place in a monastery. its incredibly touching and made me cry, and in the last few years i very rarely cry. also im 99% sure its an indie game? go support the creators!

vaguely-medieval/early modern fantasy:

mirror mirror (2012) - a retelling of snow white. a very fun movie imo, with incredible costume design. julia roberts plays the evil queen and she SLAYS. armie hammer is unfortunately in that movie.

stardust (2007) - one of my fave movies growing up. more modern-inspired but still.

the green knight (2021) - controversial i know but i actually loved this movie! i liked it both as a standalone movie but moreso as a 21st century adaptation to sir gawain and the green knight.

galavant (2015-2016) - !!!!!!! one of the most series ever! they manage to tackle such difficult concepts and conversations with a hilarious wit. so fun to watch. i listen to a lot of the songs still, and rewatch every once in a while.

disenchantment (2018-2023) - very fun to watch, especially the first season.

i also really liked the novel uprooted by naomi novik. its a polish-inspired fantasy.

modern era:

killers of the flower moon (2023) - of course. a masterpiece

aferim! (2015) - a romanian movie set in 19th century wallachia, about two officers, a father and son, who were sent by a nobleman to retrieve an escaped enslaved romani man. a lot of the people in the comments were calling the movie humorous and funny, maybe im missing smth (as im watching with subtitles n dont understand the original language) but it was a very difficult watch for me??

the handmaiden (2016) - need i say more

black sails (2014-2017) - a prequel to the famous novel 'treasure island'. not an easy series to watch. incredibly good.

the favourite (2018) - need i say more pt 2

the rabbi's cat (le chat du rabbin) (2011) - animated movie set in early 20th century algeria. a rabbi's cat learns to talk overnight.

the nice guys (2016) - a fun murder mystery set in the 1970s

o brother, where art thou (2000) - a retelling of the odyssey set in the southern us in the 1930s

victor/victoria (1982) - set in early 20th century paris. julie andrews pretends to be a man and takes on a job as a drag queen. extremely fun, extremely gay movie.

lady chatterley's lover (2022) - very much porn for moms but it was a nice watch imo

amulet (2020) - set in like. idk. sometime in the 20th century. this is a horror movie, deals a lot with misogyny, sa, and so on. i really like it, personally. a lot of people, mostly weird men, dont tho.

the great (2020-2023) - i have mixed feelings about this show. on the one hand, its really fun to watch. on the other hand, its basically ofmd for girls who have public mental breakdowns whenever someone claims corsets were oppressive. and theyre so weird about russians, jesus christ.

disses:

domina (2021-) - i just couldnt get into it, esp since i tried right after finishing rome hbo. it was kind of silly, and not in a good way. takes itself wayyyy to seriously.

i didnt like spartacus (2010-2013) - the dialogue was almost grotesque and the editing, especially the transitions, straight up killed me

damsel (2024) - holy fuck what a trainwreck of a movie. absolute waste of angela basset and robin wright. the only good thing were the costumes.

lancelot du lac (1974) - i just didnt like it at all. couldnt get into it. i guess it was way too french and artsy fartsy for me. a movie that was trying to say both too little and too much at the same time.

i didnt rly like bram stoker's dracula (1992) - i mean. it was a fine movie. it was definitely not the godfather. the movie itself was meh. the visuals tho? absolutely stunning

[actuallyprobablyafaerie]

WARNING WARNING RED ALERT DO NOT WATCH ARC 2 OF ARCANE S2 I SOBBED SO VIOLENTLY AT THE END OF IT IVE NEVER CRIED SO HARD AT A TV SHOW WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

[verysium]

ive always imagined mrs itoshi to be a really energetic woman. you know those middle aged women that are just so youthful, you can feel her energy and aura when she's in the room. and she would definitely love saes gf. because sae has a personality totally opposite to hers but after committing to a relationship he learns a lot from you and you encourage him to to strengthen his family bonds. she would LOVE spending time with you, talk to you about fashion and gossip. she'd call you her daughter in lawww omg shut up i love her

🥲 *cries in heavily dysfunctional mommy issues* when will it finally be my turn to experience the kind and loving touch of a middle-aged woman? sae better treasure his mama or else i'm gonna steal her from him when he's not looking.

on a more realistic note, i do think mama itoshi would be the type of person who simply doesn't age. there is something irrevocably uplifting and youthful about her, and i think that has a lot to do with the adversity she's faced throughout her lifetime both as a woman and a mother. even though she's soft-spoken, she is firm and headstrong. definitely knows what she wants. she always tells sae that the strongest people are the ones who smile, no matter what life puts them through. (obviously, that lesson flew right over sae's head cus he looks perpetually depressed but whatever...)

i honestly don't think sae has a strong attachment with either parent, but he isn't averse to them either. it's the small things that you pick up about him. how he never lets anyone touch him but stays still when his mother to brush his bangs back. how he never buys those expensive lunch meals during practice because he prefers his mother's homemade bentos. how he doesn't like to show unnecessary emotion but cracks a small smile at his mama's kitchen antics.

idk if it's just me, but i also feel like his mother was the stricter of the two parents. both sae and rin were forced to become self-sufficient from a young age. walked themselves to practice. bought snacks with their own allowance. sae even took a train ride to tokyo by himself to find a representative agent. not saying their parents weren't supportive, but they definitely weren't a constant presence either.

i think what sae needs is time. time to process his youth and to reconcile with his family (both his parents and brother ofc). i feel like he went through a lot of parentification, and undoing that will require a lot of patience. this would probably happen in his late twenties to late thirties, once he's well-established or even retired from football. with so much time on his hands, he has nothing to do but reflect. emotionally mature sae will be very different from current sae.

mama itoshi does welcome you kindly. mostly because none of the itoshis ever fathomed sae getting involved with someone seriously. i just know she has good skincare, so you two probably have girls-only nights where you two do nothing except watch TV dramas and wear face masks. i don't think she's particularly physically affectionate, but she does show her love through cooking. always pinches your cheek fat and tells you that you aren't eating enough (typical asian parent thing to do lmao.) also cuts up random fruits and places it beside your desk lamp while you're working.

i feel like sae has a bit of a hard time coming to terms with the way you assimilate into his family. he already feels like a stranger in his own home, but when his mother treats you like her daughter-in-law, it really gets him thinking. can he be normal? is this what it's like to be normal? is it really okay to have this? long story short, he probably has to reason with himself for one thousand and one nights before he decides he's actually going to marry you.

[phoenixfangs]

tagged by @rizaposting HOLDING UR HAND AND PRESSING MY FOREHEAD AGAINST UR SHOULDER i never get tagged in these so this is fun huehue

are you named after anyone? not technically, ive asked my parents multiple times about How they came up with me and my siblings names, but they just. didnt think very hard about it. fjkdlsjfdlas. but in a way im named after my mom, because me and saturns given names start with the same letter as our moms; my younger siblings names start with the same letter as our dads. i guess me and saturn could also be named for one of my dads uncles?? our names mixed make that uncles name. but idk im not willing to believe my dad cares that much about Anyone in his family to honor their memory through our names lawl

when was the last time you cried? i think the other day watching atla, when zuko and iroh reunite before the final battle. zuko trying to stumble through an apology and thinking iroh must hate him, but iroh just without even saying anything grabbing zuko and pulling him into a tight and tearful hug... man ;_;

do you have kids? HELL NO!!!!! im barely halfway through my 20s i should be at the club. dont want kids, never wanted kids, will never want kids. i will tolerate being my nieces and nephews cool auncle when my siblings start having kids of their own, and No More, thanks

do you use sarcasm a lot? i guess so?? its hard to gauge. i feel like most of the time i speak sincerely, but i will also throw in the occasional sarcastic quip. shrugs

what sports do you play? i dont play any sports anymore, but up until high school i played softball. i was pretty good i think! pitcher and second base. also in middle/high school i was a baton twirler for band and i guess dance competitions (i have Never thought of it as 'dance' but i guess technically i was dancing... blegh), and im gonna count that as a sport. any activity with the possibility and probability of being hit on the head by a metal rod counts as a sport to me

what’s the first thing you notice about people? probably their height. most people are taller than me but i will make an immediate note of people who are Shorter than me

what’s your eye color? grrrreen gray? i spent a few minutes staring at my eyes trying to figure out the color but all i did was strain my eyes jfldks

scary movies or happy endings? hmmmmmm i love both. i like blood and gore and guts and evil, but i also like heartwarming fluff where everything works out. i cant decide!! it just depends on my mood hehe

any special talents? i hesitate to claim i have perfect pitch because it sounds self congratulatory, but im pretty sure i have perfect pitch lmao. i cant Identify notes by name but i can recreate pretty much any note i hear, as long as its in my range. im not a good singer though lawl i dont have the technique. in the same vein, i can recreate other noises i hear pretty well, like i taught myself how to do the perry the platypus clicking sound Thing he does just by listening to it

where were you born? texas born and raised! everyone i knew growing up was a redneck or a 'cowboy church' christian

what are your hobbies? drawing, writing fanfic oneshots or rps with friends, bideo games, rewatching the same handful of tv shows and letsplays and video essays over and over again

do you have any pets? my son, my sweet bubby, apollo :> my stupid little man, hes gonna be 3 this year i think! flame point siamese kitty, dumb as rocks, currently i think hes burrowed in the sheets on my bed taking a nappy

how tall are you? 5'2", but add a couple inches because i almost exclusively wear shoes that add height, like my Big Dyke Boots i wear every day hehe

favorite subject in school? any of my electives probably, like art and music/band. in college my favorite classes i ever took were film appreciation, screenwriting, and theatre directing (which i signed up for thinking it was film directing, but it was still so fun and interesting)

dream job? honestly?? i think anything on the set of a movie or tv show would be awesome. maybe creative consultant, so that i can interject my own ideas into other peoples projects. i tend to feel my most creative when im working Around other peoples ideas tbh. all that, or lead writer/director on my own tv show/movie/video game, if i ever feel like i can handle that pressure

GET TAGGED @applescabs @lizardyeast @cottagegay and anyone else that sees and wants to participate :>

[deadwriter16]

Hi.... If you don't mind me asking, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series/games/etc) and your top 10 favorite characters from any media ? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this questions before or if I accidentally send this ask twice.....

Hi! Sorry I'm super super bad at managing my inbox but I am finally answering you, so sorry it took so long!! pls forgive me

as far as media goes, i dont have a rank order or anything really but here are 10 pieces of media i really enjoy:

i wouldnt say these are my top 10, but just some i really love

fruits basket (anime) - most ive ever cried watching anything. watched this during my last year of high school during the peak of college application season and it altered my brain chemistry forever. i will never be the same

assassination classroom (anime) - watched it in middle school and therefore formed a deep and unhealthy obsession with it, also karma is THAT BITCH. amazing show. also so like oddly sad

new girl (tv) - my favorite television show OF ALL TIME

how to get away with murder (tv) - my favorite televison drama show OF ALL TIME

always sunny (tv) - still watching this one but i LOVE it, shows about fucked up horrible people are my favorite, also i really love and admire their writing style and i really want to embody it on a show someday. definitely a huge writing inspiration for me

arrested development seasons 1-3 (tv) (i liked 4 and 5 but 1-3 are incredible) - again, a show about incredibly terrible people, and also really fucking funny in a weird way. and super clever. i love it

sherlock (tv) - i LOVE murder mysteries so so much. also theyre super gay which is fun

soul eater (anime) - my first anime ever, will love it forever

penguins of madagascar (movie) - i am unironically saying this, i am not fucking with you, this is my favorite animated movie

saturday night live (tv) - a classic. i haven't really traversed past the 21st century but i watch it every weekend without fail.

a special eleventh is A.P. Bio, amazing show never should've been cancelled. objectively i can completely understand why it was canceled bc there wasn't anything really objectively special about it, but by god do i love that show anyway. i rewatch it all the time

honorable mentions: on my block, sex education, the office, community, one day at a time (2017), how i met your mother, parks and rec, disney XD's lab rats (also unironically. great show.)

As for characters:

This is so so hard I've read/watched so so many things, I'm just gonna name the first ten freaks that pop into my head, but in no particular rank order and im definitely forgetting people:

bakugou (bnha) bc obviously. my entire blog is like a shrine to him. i don't need to justify this choice tbh he's the absolute best

chimney (911) he is SOOO me coded and he deserves the world and i think he's deeply underappreciated so i shall appreciate him myself. underappreciated comic relief characters my beloved

schmidt from new girl. my boy. my king. THE #1 MASTER OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. i love him so so much

chandler from friends .... extremely self explanatory (also, see chimney. very similar reasons)

kyo (fruits basket) he means a lot to me. i wish him all the best in life although tbh he did canonically win in life so go him

connor walsh (how to get away with murder) i LOVE him. so much. he's so fucked up but i think hes done nothing wrong ever

death the kid (soul eater) LOVE OF MY LIFE. ABSOLUTE ICON

chang (community) maybe its just cause i love ken jeong but i love this little fucked up mentally ill freak. he's so fucking funny

phil dunphy (modern family) - no explanation needed. he's awesome. i love him a lot he gives me faith in family

every other main character in new girl. i love them all so much

honorable mentions: annalise keating (htgawm), ochako uraraka (bnha), bobby nash (911), dwight schrute (the office), and probably many many more amazing characters who i simply am forgetting

i also really fuck with the grandma from fresh off the boat

[radioprune]

tagged by my friend maddie @leonardcohenofficial to answer these 20 Qs for fic writers!! yay thank you :-) i'll tag @fieryphrazes @stupidredsuspenders @ghostpunkrock if you'd like!

How many works do you have on Ao3? 26, they tell me

What's your total Ao3 word count? 400,467. oh my

What fandoms do you write for? mash of course but i also have a couple of star wars things including the time travel fic that i promise will get done eventually

What are your top five fics by kudos? or, the children's crusade, maple syrup, breathe fresh air ever after, hawkeye, why hawkeye, i now pronounce you pierce and hunnicutt

Do you respond to comments? i really try to even if it takes 100 years

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? hmmm. i really rarely don't write a happy ending but maybe breathe fresh air ever after aka the one where daniel pierce watches "the interview." the truman show AU and the one where it's all a dream also are both kind of bleak

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? all the long ones with a bj goes to maine element i think are kind of equally happy so maple syrup, hyh, but also you deserve the best, the hawkmarg friendship inspired fic that was the first mash fic idea i ever had

Do you get hate on fics? not to my face tho i sometimes wonder if mutuals in law have me blocked bc of any perceived bad takes in my writing

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? not habitually, but ive written some in my opinion narratively relevant sex scenes lol

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? closest i've come is incorporating elements of the catch-22 universe into mash stuff, and i have a broader outline for a real mash-22 crossover that i'd like to actually write one day

Have you ever had a fic stolen? ok funny yeah i was just telling della about this but like. not word for word like copy pasted but i was reading a hawkeye margaret friendship fic a while ago and was really enjoying it and then realized it was beat for beat copying my hawkmarg bestfriends fic 😭 right down to including references to the communist manifesto

Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't believe so but that would be cool!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? not really, i've thrown ideas around with people especially like with noirhawk stuff but it never really coalesced

What’s your all time favorite ship? i don't knowwwww. when i was a teenager the doctor/rose was literally so important to me and honestly i was surprised at how much i cried at doomsday upon rewatch. i possibly care more about the hawkeye/margaret friendship dynamic than i do about beejhawk

What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ooh my idea for a mash tv show/movie crossover which i have some good dialogue written for and would love to be able to bring to fruition but i just dont think it's gonna happen

What are your writing strengths? i think dialogue for sure, and when it comes to fic in particular (like as opposed to my original writing) i think i'm good at character studies/keeping things very realistic and in character

What are your writing weaknesses? bc when i write as a hobby i write mostly plays, i sometimes catch myself writing prose like that, like just dialogue and what amounts to stage directions. i have to make myself think about when some internal monologue might be good, how to make things actually sound good instead of just being practical

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? you guys know i love to throw lots of yiddish in there. i wouldn't be able to write real dialogue in another language unless the character had an eighth grade level spanish education or was trying to say "the farmer is my friend" in latin

First fandom you wrote for? star wars 👍

Favorite fic you’ve written? ough hard to choose. i have to shout out mind field bc i somehow haven't mentioned it yet and the experience of writing it was so surreal and was just genuinely me trying to convey how it had felt to be in my brain for a year or so through projecting onto hawkeye. and the fact that everyone liked it was bonus. BUT my actually favorite might be with friends like these, who needs enemies?, my hawkeye/margaret slow burn friendship fic and margaret deep dive. i want to make everyone read it and care about them as much as i do mwah

[indigo474]

1-26-25

there is something absolutely wonderful about not having to leave my house. I have everything I need right where I am. this was me yesterday. I worked 7 hours handled 60+ calls. who knew thinking was so exhausting. I was spent-mentally done. it was so nice to not have to go anywhere and only do what I wanted to do. I watched 2 documentaries- johnny manziel - what a story that was. and Martha Stewart - amazing women . I read my first biography in elementary school about Thomas edison- Ive read a lot of biographies and auto biographies.. I never heard of Johnny Manziel -last week at the Tom Segura show he did a bit about Johnny football. speaking of football the eagles are going to the Superbowl. how exciting. Ryan texted me today and invited me over to my aunts house to eat. I of course went. he invited me to Sunday church on Saturday night- I told him I would let him know how I was feeling. I woke up this morning exhausted and texted him I wouldn't be able to make it- I had a slow morning. i'm sure God and the Universe will forgive me- I actually worked 7 days in a row which would probably explain the tiredness. anyway I went over and it was just nice- no drama - nice conversation - we ate and played Uno and laughed and said to myself this is what it feels like to be loved. we didn't have much time because Ryan had to get back to I don't even know what to call where he is staying. he showed me his jail TV and tablet. he was upset he couldnt give it to someone in jail and even wrote the warden. he asked if I wanted the tv. I was thinking the other night how i'm sure Ryan was sexually abused by my uncle. when I say sure I mean I am positive and for me to think anything else would be naive of me. it wasn't my responsibility to protect him. I was a child too and the adults in my life didn't protect me. I no longer need to carry any guilt about that. the plan is to work out next Saturday. I have my day pass secured. lots of things going on in my head this week. me still trying to process the past. it was a very strange thing I went though. in a way x did me a favor. I wonder what made him decide against the whole I'm a sex addict thing. my guess is the kids. I just may have forgiven him but the kids... well. i'll never know and it doesn't matter and dam he didn't have to be that fucking cruel- he was never really kind but those last few years were brutal. its actually fucking crazy- it was crazy and I was crazy and i'm just glad I survived which isn't me being dramatic because I almost didn't . I think about all the life Ive lived and all the things I've done and all the tears I've cried and all the laughs I've laughed in the past 6 years-amazing. I've decided I am either going to meet and be with the love of my life or i'm going to be alone-those are my only 2 options. I've suffered enough I'm not looking to suffer anymore- I'm not looking to add to anyone's suffering. who knows what will happen. I'm going to keep working on me. I've read a lot about complex trauma and its easy for me to get down on myself but i'm not going to- I actually feel better just typing out my feelings and getting them out of my head. I have so much to be grateful for and that is where i find my peace- I think it was this week or maybe last week - one morning I was having a hard time getting motivated to get to work. Madison came home and I don't remember the exact conversation but I wasn't my usually happy self and she said to me you know Mom we have so much to be grateful for... it was sweet to hear her say. I think it was the first time she's ever said those words to me.its usually me saying those words to her. of all the things I have to be grateful for I would put her at the top of my list- she's a good human being. I put together my book case. I don't love it and I probably would have been better off thrifting a book case but- its doing what its suppose to do.

[sillybiscuitshepherdskeleton]

soft asks, answered

What song makes you feel better?

Lany, anything 4 u (instant relief) 

Loml (late hyperfixation, to sleep, mostly)

2. What is your go to comfort show?

My most recent, fellow travelers (starring jonathan bailey and matt bomer), 2023 (dec) 

3. Reading or writing? Why?

Reading. Cuz i tried writing and i suck, so i mostly enjoy others’ writing instead of making my own.

4. Whats your favorite feeling?

Finding a good comfort fic, or song to hyperfixate to.

5. How do you like to take care of yourself?

Making a thread / compass / direction to my go to fics (so when im in danger, like i need instant relief, its there)

6. What’s your favorite candle scent?

soft jasmine

7. Who do you feel most like yourself around?

My mom. I’d like to say friends or smth, but ngl i find myself being myself with my mom. 

8. Whats a fabric/texture that’s nostalgic for you?

Flannel. It reminds me of a chilly air.

9. Best childhood moment?

I got my first electronic device, a cd player so i can listen to my own music. I was about 8/9 years old. 

10. When was the last time you laughed so hard you cried? (or just felt really good afterwards)

I forgot what it was, but it was with mom, laughing about something we both found funny. 

11. Do you have a comfort item? Tell us about it!

My bts knocked off wings tour jacket, my first ever merchandise purchase, so i opted for a good knocked off one, cuz i didnt know where to purchase the original one. Now i do have official merchandises (keychains and plushies), i still found myself going to this first knocked off jacket. 

12. What calms you down?

Music. Its both my haven and runaway place i had for years now. 

13. Bath or shower to relax?

Shower. I dont have a bath, so i grew fond of hot showers.

14. Whats something upcoming that you’re excited for?

Doctor odyssey new episodes (or seasons!) 

15. Comfort food?

Poke gunkan & steamed egg at my fav sushi restaurant

16. What’s something you want to create soon?

An updated directory of my ao3 bookmarks 

17. How do you feel best loved?

Being accompanied at meal times 

18. What age in life do you think you’ll feel most yourself at?

I was 18 when i thought everything was wonderful and i was on top of the world. Then i realized i had some emotional baggage even then that i need to work thru, so ive been spending the last 5? 6? Years working thru it (and accepting that maybe ive been scarred for life, but thats okay cause i can still function) 

19. Have you ever written or received a love letter?

I have written, in form of poetry. Anonymous, never sent. But ive made some. For the same guy, lol. I have received also, from a different guy. It was sweet. 

20. Tell us about a memory you hold close to your heart.

I hug my first love goodbye. I know we arent meant to be, but im glad for what it was. 

21. Tea, Coffee, or hot cocoa?

Black tea, latte, and peppermint mocha. 

22. Name of your favorite playlist?

In love (part 2), playlist made by me, for wedding purposes. (songs i dreamed to be played in my wedding) 

23. Have you ever received flowers?

No, but i did receive chocolate for valentines.

24. Who is your bestfriend?

Someone i met in middle school, we reunited in college, i’d say she’s my best friend. Or a good friend. 

25. If your soul was a color, what would it be? 

Scarlet maroon. 

26. If you could live anywhere with anyone you want, where would it be and who would you bring?

Australia, with my cousin. She live there now, and i had spent a holiday there as well, lovely place. 

27. Do you like to garden? Have you ever grown something?

No, but i love the smell of grass after rain. I grow attached to things, so im unlikely ever try to grow something, it’d break me to see it dies. 

28. What are you proudest of?

That i endure some past scar, and i am alive today enjoying music, tv shows, tumblr, and films. 

29. Are you a kind person?

I try. I have accepted that maybe i was also unkind, no matter how i try. 

30. What do your hobbies look like?

I like to read. And i intend to keep it a hobby. (i hate monetize what i like, and if i can, i’d like to stay away from it) 

[midwestdiscontent24]

the horvath of it all part 2

so i know my last post was less than 12 hours ago, but i still want to write so im going it because whose going to tell me i cant?

I think i want to write a book of personal essays. It feels like that would be easier than writing fiction, because all the things have actually happened to me already. Granted, im probably way underestimating how hard and labor intensive writing a book is, but i have things to say that i want people to read. Thats why im writing on here instead of my physical journal or a google doc.

Last october i read all of samantha irbys essay books so of course i wanted to write my own and i actually started to try and do it but of course i gave up and moved on to something else, but i really do want to pick it up again. Granted, im not going to do cocaine just for an interesting writing piece, a la hannah horvath, but i might consider it if im hard up for material.

Or maybe i just want to write online. i mean, thats a thing now. I could start writing a blog and get super popular online. I wish magazines were still a thing. i guess i could make a zine, but thats alot of work and ive done that before and only ended up making one. But to be fair it did look really cool when it was done.

I feel like i have all this creative talent that i just never really do anything with. I can write and create art in a non traditional way; like i cant really draw all that well but i can make a good collage and im relatively good at cross stitch and im good at matching colors.

Part of me feels like im atrophied. not just creatively, but in life in general. Which really should be the opposite of how i feel. In april i moved into my first solo apartment and as much as i love living alone, yeah its kinda lonely. My old roommate moved to wisconsin to be with his girlfriend so now i have this wonderful big one bedroom and i adore it and being able to be the master of my space but i get lonely sometimes and end up rotting in bed for hours on end. I think it would help if i had more friends, but meeting and liking new people has never been my thing. At least not in my adult life.

not to switch up topics so quickly, but i think i want to start reading again. At least i like the notion and idea of reading. I have an almost full book shelf in my living room and more than half of the books on it are ones i havent read yet. And my problem is i just keep buying more. Its not like im having people over all the time that i want to impress with my massive literary collection so i dont know why i keep buying them other than its an aspirational thing, like if i have them it might motivate me to actually read them rather than letting them sit and collect dust while i rewatch the devil wears prada for the millionth time. my other problem is that i keep rereading the same books over and over instead of reading the brand new ones that i have. I do the same thing with tv shows and movies and music. Its like i can only live in the past.

That may just be like, a life problem that i have. Im a huge sucker for nostalgia and remembering old times in a rosy light. The other day i was nostalgic for 2021. Thats fucking pathetic, especially considering that i was living in my aunts basement and working at subway during that time. But i always sugar coat the past, thats why i can never move on. Half of the conversations i have with my mother start with me saying "do you remember when". The other day i booted up my old ipod and found a bootleg of a 5sos song thats not on streaming and i literally cried listening to it and remembering what it was like to listen to that same song when i was in high school.

[lovesaadiqa]

the unthethered soul

this book is one that keeps on giving or growing me i should say. my second time reading it helped me realized the different spaces i was in before and now. i seldom go back and read my entries, its kinda of cringe for me especially when i don't see in growth from one post to another, stagnation makes me sad. anyway i cried alot the first time i read this book and this time im highlighting like hell. just to catch me up, ive been driving over the road for 5 months now, initially soothing myself with music, empty conversation from random people and as dangerous as it sounds, tv, movies and murder mysteries. the last 30 days has been silent asf on my truck, no nothing! the window down and my thoughts. i gave the book another go round but ive been applying what im reading and this shit is no joke! ive learned how to know when im in the seat of self, how to be aware of my awareness, how to watch my emotions form, how to disconnect from what im seeing and pay attention to how whatever it is im seeing is making me feel. amateur at best but today was another monster and i can see how i definitely will need my awareness to grow and how consistency will play a major role in how fast i can find my freedom.

its 4th of july, no the weekend, the literal day. i'd been driving for 4 hours and go to my receiver super early because when i started my route i forgot the time zone was going to change. i arrived at 1:30 cst and am told the ppl who unload me was changing shifts and i'd have to wait until 3:45.. there's no pressure but its hard asf to find parking in general but especially on a holiday or weekend so idgaf about nothing but finding parking because im less than 1/2 mile aware from a flying j and dont wanna have to get back on the highway to find parking. i get back in my truck, eat and get on social media. i can feel someone unloading me but it's nowhere near 3:45 so i grab my paperwork and march my ass inside hype like "yes, imma be outta here soon" i get in a realize it was an over zealous worker who came in early for holiday pay (i'd still have to wait for my paperwork to get signed). someone shows up in the office right at 3:45 and im told they have to count and verify my freight which would be at least 30-45 more mins. im ok with that because my appt time wasn't until 5pm and im already unloaded before 4. it's gets dumb tricky because im notified im counted and good to go, i get inside and the guy who is to give me my papers says i have to pay a lumper fee. i've never in all my months had to pay a lumper fee, in fact i don't know wtf that is so i call my dm and I get Matt (he's a rude sob and hate hearing his damn voice) who tells me i have to send a message form. i do as im told but get a reference number on my tablet that says give this to the ppl inside to pay, i get inside give them the code and they tell me to put it in the payment slot on the text they sent (in my head im screaming "what fucking text") -- fuck the rest of the story

as im walking back and forth from my truck to the receiver i can feel the agitation building, my responses are on the rude side, i can hear my consciousness forewarning me that im getting heated. i tried to feel what was happening inside of me as im also trying to remain professional. i tell myself that im only frustated because i dont think im going to be able to find parking, im losing it becasue wtf is a lumper fee and wtf you mean i have to pay it, what text did you send me on top of hearing "western express this is Matt" lmmfaooooo. i get to the fucking gate to leave and the bitch gone say "can you pull all the way up im pregnant and i dont feel like walking to the back of your trailer. i legit wanted to run her tf over because bitch you at work and pregnant ppl arent handicapped HOT!!!! In the time it took me to tell myself to calm and actually calming down i ran a stop sign and drove past the flying j entrance.

then i get to my lil to do list and im supposed to read a chapter: Removing Your Inner Thorn (im literally fighting back tears writing this) the second fucking sentence "In order to grow, you must give up the struggle to remain the same, and learn to embrace change at all time" ATE ME TF UP! Im not the same because now i have the awareness to spot, feel and identify my emotions before they have me in a chokehold. knowing all that i still copped an attitude and let them run me. this chapter talks about have a literal thorn piercing a nerve and the options you have to avoid the pain. first option is to avoid anything that will touch, bother, graze, tap, irritate your torn.. second option, remove the fucking thorn all together! a few lines that made me legit get my laptop, come into the pilot and write this entire entry: if you decide you have to keep things from touching the thorn, then that becomes the work of a lifetime; the life of protecting yourself from the problem becomes a perfect reflection of the problem itself; you can actually fell that because you've minimized the pain of the problem, you've solved the problem.. all you did was devote your life to avoiding it; the problem will be back the moment the external situation fails to protect you from what's inside; you are not the pain you feel; the thorns naturally work themselves out if you stop protecting them; you do no get rid of loneliness (or any thorn sadness, depression, anxiety, short temper, a broken heart, abdandonment) you just cease to be involved with it, it just another thing in the universerse like cars, glass or the stars.

i cant began to explain how i did the work and then read the book. there is no joy like getting it. i understand now. im praying for more situations to arise so i can better at this and win inner peace for myself. the ultimate goal for me is to sit in the seat of self and remain there.. i just know with my whole heart i will read this book until the cover falls off because it is a complete guide to spiritual freedom, in my opinion. i have about 6 books on my truck right now and this one is the most got a second read before i finished any of the other one for a first time. im happy to be here. in this space, with this awareness and the understanding of what to do with it and how if benefits me. i will get so fucking good at this!!

i hope when you come back to read this it wont be cringe babygirl. i wish you nothing but healing and total well being. to think that coming face to face with a pain that made you know want to wake up no more got you here is nothing but God's love for you. its so important to realize that it was all necessary! forgive, relax and release Saadiqa but most importantly remain thank for it all. equipped with the know-how to watch your thoughts and detach from them should make this journey so fucking delicious. you are awareness and EVERTHING else is an object of your consciousness. the feelings, the thoughts that get stuck on repeat, other people, aging, your body.. all of it. just a thing/things you've become aware of, they are not you. never, ever, ever forget that. leaving the seat of self is such a massive step down that some people do it for a single thing and they're never able to return again. that is the prize, the gift of a life lived. Chapter 8 over and over and over and over again!!!! please get this Saadiqa it is my life's wish for you NEVER STEP DOWN!

[yousaytomato]

Su future spoilers...

[sevendeadlymorons]

The brothers + undateables react to the MC bringing her small child to RAD because no one in the human world is available to babysit, and they can’t leave a three-year-old alone. Bonus points if at some point, the kid runs up to them with something in their mouth, and when questioned, the kid spits out a rock or something.

IVE ALWAYS IMAGINED THIS IN MY HEAD BUT NOBODY EVER SUGGESTED IT SO OMG THIS MAY BE A BIT LONG-

Brothers + Dateables Reaction to MC Bringing Their Kid to RAD

————————————

Lucifer

He had no idea you had a child honestly but considers it none of his concern

Well, not until you asked him to help out in babysitting that is, suddenly all his stress comes back

At first, the child was hyper, running around, stealing things, climbing on his lap and distracting him from work, he can’t count the amount of times he’s had to save this child from throwing themselves out the nearest window or getting flattened by all his records and books

One time, he caught the child running around with something in their mouth only to spit out a whole rock. Easy to say he was traumatised

But he couldn’t get over how much this small child looked and acted like you and he would never tell anyone, but he completely fell in love with your kid

He’s honestly the best babysitter, checking up on them constantly and keeping them company. The headaches he got from them though were a minor set back for him

Offers to be a regular babysitter as he enjoyed time with them so much and he loves all the little quirks that they share with you

Mammon

Since when did you have a kid?! With who?!

Couldn’t believe it at first but he couldn’t deny this small human looked quite a lot like you and he honestly started to quickly fall in love

Wasn’t so keen on the idea of babysitting but he soon came around as your kid became his new sneaky thief. Lucifer would never dream about harming your child, would he?

Turns out the kid was a huge nightmare, just like his human, and he had to stop the kid from killing themself several times a day. He even had to claw a whole damn rock out of this kids mouth

He was actually pretty cool with the kid when they weren’t causing trouble, though, playing games and talking to them, making them laugh and yeah, he cried when they gave him a little hug

He got flustered at the fact this was your child he was currently looking after and he may or may not have imagined you two having your own children and looking after this one together

He may babysit the kid again… for 500 Grimm, of course, he’s not a charity

Leviathan

He’s not good with children! Don’t leave him with your child!

At first he was shocked you even had a kid. Since when?! But then you dropped this tiny human in his arms and went about your day

Not too sure what babies like at first and he tried multiple things just to entertain them for long enough that he could play his game in peace

To no avail though, the kid was a nightmare, shoving shit in their mouth and causing him to go into panic mode, knocking over his figurines and distracting him from his game

They honestly settled down eventually though as your kid crawled into his lap and snatched the phone from his hands, beginning to laugh at the game on the screen

He’s the cool babysitter. He taught them how to beat the levels in his game, talked to them about his favourite anime’s and even let them play with Henry for a while, this kid quickly had his entire heart

He doesn’t know what came over him but he weirdly wouldn’t mind looking after your kid again if you needed him to… maybe it’s just because they reminded him so much of you though

Satan

Like Lucifer, he didn’t want to be involved with your kid in all honesty

But surprise, he now has your kid wrapped up in his arms for the whole day

He tried his best to keep them company at first even if they were a nightmare. He can’t even begin to count the amount of times this kid ran off and hid and shoved stuff in their mouths only to spit out a pebble or two…

He did enjoyed reading to them though, watching them smile and clap their hands when they heard a part they found particularly amusing and then attempt to read it back in their jumbled baby language

He actually started to really like your child and the two of them went cat searching later on in the day, petting all the cats they saw and sneakily feeding them leftovers from the kitchen

He definitely liked the child more when they were worn out and more calm and they just hopped up to sat on his lap and started poorly reading the book out loud to him in gibberish, but either way, he liked watching the child learn and enjoy reading

He offers to look after the kid more often, he didn’t mind. It was your child after all

Asmodeus

Oh well aren’t you cutest little thing~?

Yeah easy to say he was immediately drawn to this tiny, adorable 3 year old of yours and happily took them in with open arms

The two of them spent the day painting eachothers nails and Asmo brushing your child’s hair, putting in little clips and bows and telling them how pretty they look

For some reason, the child was pretty behaved in Asmo’s care, not including the time they came way too close to eating nail polish and he almost had a heart attack

Gave eachother lots of hugs and he couldn’t stop complimenting them and loving every single time the kid laughed or smiled, it reminded him of you in a way, you two really were similar

He enjoyed being around the kid when they were calm and sleepy as it gave him a good opportunity to just relax without the stress of thinking the kid will eat something they’re not supposed to

He definitely will take care of them more often if you ever need a babysitter, he’d be happy to!

Beelzebub

… is it edible?

After going through the rules of ‘no eating the 3 year old’ with him, he’s actually a pretty good babysitter and took good care of them while you were busy

He always knows when they’re hungry and will feed them whatever they ask, maybe sometimes a little bit too much food though but hey, at least they look happy

He caught them with something in their mouth the one time and he immediately thought they snagged his food, but all of a sudden, they spat out a whole rock and honestly, he gets it. Sometimes he gets hungry enough to eat rocks too…

The two get along well honestly, sharing meals and watching TV and Beel even invites Belphie to help look after your kid so it was just the two of them playing with this tiny human child for hours in the attic

Beel loves the child’s smile, it reminds him of you, and their laugh and the way they give him little leg hugs. Truthfully, he loved your kid so much

Kinda sad when they have to leave; offering to babysit whenever you want him to because he just loves them so much

Belphegor

You really expect him to be able to look after a child? He’ll pass…

But before he knew it, a kid was sat on his bed and you were gone and already he was fed up

Weirdly though, looking at your kid brought him this odd inner peace kind of feeling where he just wants to hold them and never let go. Maybe it was because the kid was yours and it reminded him so much of you…?

He kind of just naps with them more than he should for the entire day. He knows 3 year olds like to sleep and that’s his specialty so he thought why not

When the two of them are awake, he spends it in the planetarium looking up at the stars and teaching the child all the names and alignments or eating way too much downstairs with Beel

There was a time where he had to forcefully snatch this stone out of the child’s mouth after running after them for hours, and then lecture them on how they can’t do that and then he had to take another nap due to being absolutely exhausted but besides from that, the child was pretty sleepy, all day

Yeah ok maybe he fell for your child and maybe he’ll babysit them again, but expect him to complain about it first

Diavolo

He’s actually really happy you came to him first to look after your child :)

Honestly, he’s such a sweetheart towards the small child, but he definitely gave in several times to those irresistible puppy eyes and ended up spoiling them

He was also sort of busy with work so the kid tended to just sit on his lap and play with his free hand and would sometimes run off without him noticing only to come back hand in hand with Barbatos who found them digging through the trash

He wasn’t any good at discipline so whenever they came back covered in trash he kinda just laughed it off and sat them back down, he’s too sweet to yell at such a small and helpless human

He can’t remember the last time he had such fun though. The child was sweet to him and he very much enjoyed watching the antics of a normal 3 year old human with hyper tendencies

They took walks around the garden together, helping them pick little flowers and putting them in their hair, watching them laugh and smile afterwards

The child reminded him of you and that just made them even more lovable to him and it was easy to say he’d without a doubt babysit your kid any time

Barbatos

Never expected you to want him to take care of your child but he’ll do his best

He was sort of busy the entire day and couldn’t take care of the child as much as he planned to but he made sure the child was happy either way

The two of them cleaned up together, Barbatos handing the kid a little feather duster and showing them how to properly clean, watching them enjoying themselves and laughing in the corner of his eye

He did have to scold them a few times for misbehaving and eating things they shouldn’t though, especially random pebbles from outside

When he wasn’t cleaning or tending to paperwork, he took the child on little walks around the garden, enjoying the way the small kid laughed and smiled at all the flowers and butterflies, their arm swinging from side to side cheerfully, causing him to smile too

Easy to say he fell in love hard pretty quickly, noticing the way they took after you and how polite and sweet they were towards him

He wouldn’t mind looking after them again, just perhaps when he’s less busy…

Simeon

He already has Luke but he supposes one more couldn’t hurt

He’s a great babysitter really, no complaints and rarely any misbehaving on the child’s end except for a few times throughout the day where he had to desperately stop them from swallowing rocks

But other than that, the child was pretty calm, following him around and laughing at his awfully made jokes; their hand normally attached to his trouser leg so they didn’t get lost

He loved how the child reminded him of you, their mannerisms and the way they acted were so similar and he couldn’t help but laugh and fall deeper in love with this tiny, peculiar human

He spent a lot of the day having a small tea party with them, sharing biscuits and hot chocolate for the child and tea for him, watching them pour him tea then laugh as he takes a sip

When he needed to do something quickly, he left the child with Luke and then came back to legitimately the most heartwarming game of monopoly between two small children he’s ever seen

He would without a doubt babysit again if you ever need him to, it’s no trouble honestly

Solomon

You’d really trust your kid with him? Really?

He’s honestly really happy you’d entrust them with him though and he’ll make sure to not get them killed

He’s actually really good at babysitting though: making sure they’re always laughing until they’re falling over, showing them cool spells to entertain them, playing games and seeing how badly he can scare the shit out of them without making them cry

Solomon’s that one cool babysitter you always have that’s cool in a bad way, like he’ll make you dinner but he’ll also burn the entire house down, but hey, at least he’s funny

He’ll randomly sneak up behind the kid and yell ‘boo’ just for the fun of it and if they cry, it’s Simeon’s problem now

He absolutely adores it when the kid follows him around and laughs at every little thing he does, it’s like he has his own personal fan

Kinda disappointed when the kid has to leave but make sure to call him to babysit again

Luke

Finally, someone that’s shorter than him!

He kinda just hangs around the kid all day, keeping them company with games and jokes and cheering them up if they start to miss you

He even attempts to teach them how to play monopoly with him but eventually finds out that 3 year olds cannot play monopoly…

Though he isn’t the one actually babysitting, he sure is a good playmate towards the child and they seem to enjoy his company at least

The days full of laughter and just two children having fun, which is a sight to see for everyone at Purgatory Hall

They’ll take walks around together, Luke immediately regretting his decisions and panicking when they put a rock in their mouth and he has to negotiate with them to spit it out

Yeah alright maybe he’s a little sad that they’re leaving so soon, so make sure they come visit again!

[6rookie-writer0110]

Heaven is not waiting for me anymore

Clark Kent x Male!Reader Kent

Request - where y/n is the son of Clark and Lois from the injustice universe. He has kryptonite in his system where he is unable to use his powers because clark (injustice) made an example of him so he can show fear. After that he has been cold to others and distance with people including Barbara who he has feelings for but so much has happened. So he has to relay on martial art from training. with bruce, he also has a bat suit. He also have a deep hatred for his father (injustice superman).

Earth 2- Injustice Universe

You lost your mother Lois because of the Joker. Your father Clark snapped, he became a different person. Now he is starting to kill criminals and doesn't care about anyone or you. He doesn't stand for hope anymore now he stands for destruction. You feel that you lost both of your parents, you don't wear the symbol of hope anymore.

You made a plan to stop your father. You didn't think fully out the plan, but you have kryptonite inside a gun. You are half Kryptonian and kryptonite is still your weakness.

You have been tracking your father, he is about to kill a criminal robbing a bank. But you stepped in and punched him in the face. Everyone saw what you did, they take out their phones and start to record. Now you and Clark start to fight each other.

“You are destroying everything! You are no god!!” You yelled.

“I am a God. Everyone bows down to me and you would bow down to me” Clark said.

You take out the gun, you pulled the trigger. But he used speed to grab the gun and there is one bullet left. Now he will make sure everyone will watch what he will do next. He has his hand around your throat, you are struggling to breathe and tears go down your face.

“Anyone who tries to disobey me or think they can kill me, this will happen!” Clark yelled.

He aimed the gun on your chest and pulled the trigger. Everyone is in shock at what happened, he throws you to the ground. You are in pain and you try to use your powers but can't. Barbara arrived at the scene, she used Batarang to distract him. He left and Barbara picked you up and takes you to the bat cave.

---

A week later...

You have been in a coma for a week, Barbara and Bruce have been taking care of you. You wake up and you see Barbara looking at a computer screen.

“What happened?” You asked.

She turns around and walked towards you.

“You have been in a coma for a week. The kryptonite was close to your heart. You lost a lot of blood and it was too much kryptonite in your system” Barbara said.

You touch your chest and you see the scar. You sighed and she gives you a cup of water.

“Thank you, Barbara. But I have to go” You said.

“Your father thinks you are dead. Don't do anything stupid, you almost died and if it happens again he would kill you” Barbara said.

“He needs to be stopped,” You said.

“I know. But he is stronger than you, you are thinking reckless” Barbara said.

You take out the iv from your arms and take off the hospital gown. She gave you a hoodie and sweat pants.

“Where are you going?” Barbara asked.

“Dont worry about me,” You said.

She watched you walk away and she called Bruce and told him what happened. You went to a rundown motel and you want to be alone. Your father thinks you're dead and he is still killing criminals, no one can stop him.

Days went by, you didn't leave the motel room for anything. Barbara didn't check up on you, she wanted to give you space. And she has been busy with Bruce designing a suit.

You are in bed watching tv, you hear a knock on the door but you don't get up. She starts to knock louder, but you don't move.

“Y/n! Open the door now” Barbara yelled.

You sighed heavily then got out of bed and opened the door.

“What!?” You yelled.

“Are you done with the pity party!?” Barbara asked.

“How did you find me?” You asked.

She walks in and you closed the door. The motel room is a dump.

“Wasn't hard. I put a tracker on the hoodie you left with. I know you still want to stop your dad, so come with me” Barbara said.

“Why should I? Plus he still thinks I'm dead” You said.

“To train. You are still weak if you went to fight him now well he will break like a stick” Barbara said.

“Fine,” You said.

You leave with Barbara, she took you to Bruce’s mansion. You and Barbara have feelings for each other, you told her, and you were going to ask her out but tragically struck. Her feelings for you haven't changed but she wants to be there for you. She wants you to open up to her but you won't.

“Y/n, how are you,” Bruce said.

“Why do you want me here?” You asked.

“To help you train and stop your father,” Bruce said.

“Okay,” You said.

---

Bruce and Barbara started to train with you in Martial arts. Today you are fighting against Bruce, Barbara, and the League of Assassins. Some are friends with Bruce and they agreed to train you. They are pushing your limits, they don't let you rest. Any mistake you make will let you know and make you train harder.

During the night, Bruce is training you with weapons. Barbara shows you how to use the weapons, you did struggle to fight with weapons. Bruce and the league of assassins easily knocked the weapons out of your hands.

After training Barbara would want to spend time with you, but you would lock yourself in the bedroom. She gives you space and she goes back to the bat cave.

“Here is your dinner, master y/n,” Alfred said.

“Thank you. You don't have to call me ‘master’, Alfred” You said.

“Master, y/n you shouldn't hide from the world. Yes, you are going through a tough time but that doesn't mean you can't be happy in the end. You should let yourself grieve for your mother, she was a wonderful woman and she was strong” Alfred said.

“I wish everything didn't change,” You said.

“We all feel the same way. But now you have a chance to create the life you want a new one. what would your mother say right now?” Alfred said.

What made you think what he said, he walks out of the room. You start to eat the food and keep thinking about what he said.

✯ ✬ ✫ ✬

A few weeks later...

Bruce and Barbara have been designing a suit for you. They finished with the suit and they watched you test out the suit. Last few weeks, you were training from dawn until the next day. You mastered fighting with weapons and learned new combat moves. You are still distant from Barbara, two days ago you got into a huge argument with her.

You are still in love with her but you want to protect her from your father. You don't want to see Barbara get hurt.

“What do you think of the suit?” Barbara asked.

You take off the helmet.

“I like it and I can move in it,” You said.

“You are okay with the symbol?” Bruce asked.

“I like it,” You said.

The suit is all black, the Batman symbol is red, the eyes are red, the gloves have sharp claws, and the suit protects you from kryptonite. Barbara and Bruce start to suit and you put the helmet back on.

---

You three found Bruce in the city, you stopped him from killing someone.

“Son, you came back from the dead” Clark said.

“This ends today,” You said.

“I see you are wearing a new symbol -”

“You ruined the legacy of being a Kryptonian!” You yelled.

He used heat vision to attack you but you dodged it. Now Clark is fighting you while Barbara and Bruce are trying to get the citizens away from the fight. Clark punched you and you hit the ground, he used speed to grab you by the neck.

“This time I will make sure you are dead,” Clark said.

“You are not the same father that I used to have. He is dead to me!” You yelled.

You took out, you tased him, and he lets you go. You and Clark used heat vision at the same time, you used more strength to not fall. You throw Batarang at him and it started to explode.

He fell then you start to punch him in the face over and over. All the anger you have for him starts to come out. You take out the kryptonite dagger and you try to stab but he has his wrapped around your hands.

“Y/n! Y/n don't kill him” Barbara yelled.

“He deserves to die!” You yelled.

“That is an easy escape for him! You are much better than him, don't become like him” Barbara said.

Something clicked in your mind.

“I want you to suffer until the day you die. I lost my mom and my father” You said.

You moved away from him and he starts to stand up. Bruce played a video of Lois on the big screen and starts to watch, you your father cry.

The moment where Clark held Lois before she died.

“I can't lose you” Clark cried.

“I will always love you, Clark. I will always remember you and y/n, please be there for each other. He is going need to you. Tell him, I love him...”

You start to cry and it would be the last time you hear her voice.

“Son, I am sorry for the chaos I caused,” Clark said.

“I don't believe you and I will never will. You killed my friend Shazam and many others. You are lucky I didn't kill you because of Barbara. This is the last time you will see me” You said.

You take out the Phantom Zone projector and you sent him to the Phantom Zone.

✯ ✬ ✫ ✬

Time Skip...

You and Barbara became an official couple. She makes you happy and you carrying boxes into her apartment. You are going to live with her and she is very happy about that.

You and Barbara sat on the couch and she gave you a peck on the lips.

“So happy that was the last box,” Barbara said.

“Now we have to unbox everything,” You said.

“How about we go get something to eat and we do it later?” Barbara said.

You kissed her on the lips.

“Sounds good to me,” You said.

Later, you and Barbara spend half of the night unboxing everything. You did use speed to do it faster which Barbara is happy about. You and Barbara would save the city together but you don't kill criminals who rob a store. You would kill if it's a life and death situation only.

[sanzuslover]

daddy tonight

shigaraki tomura x all mights daughter reader

warnings: yandere behavior, stalking, death threats, misogyny?, kidnapping, non-con, domestic abuse, daddy kink, ect.

<3

you were all might’s daughter, everyone fancied you, you shined bright like the stars. shigaraki hated you so much, you were 2 years younger than him, 18, yet you were still a popular and successful hero.

you were ridiculously hot, but that wasn’t all…you were literally his most hated hero daughter, shigaraki had been stalking you ever since you were 14, he was young too so he didn’t see anything wrong with it.

it was a miracle how he didn’t decay you, he could if he wanted to, maybe when you were younger but definitely not now, now you were a hero a real hero and not one in training.

he had smelled your panties and stolen your belongings in various occasions but you never seemed to notice— of course someone like you wouldn’t.

shigaraki wrote everything down about you, he studied and observed you a lot, but lately he can’t since you turned 18 and there’s a lot of other men dying to marry you, who wouldn’t wanna marry all might’s daughter?

ever since you turned 18, you’ve been acting like those dumb whores he hated, shigaraki is a man who is always busy so he still is a virgin, it made him mad how there’s a small possibility that you aren’t one.

it would be unfair he thought to himself, he waited all these years for you yet all you did was go on live tv and show the whole world your very tight hero suit and that cute innocent little face.

you always blushed when being interviewed, he thought it was cute but only him should see you like that, you always looked so needy, like a whore.

he could tell you were a daddy’s girl, always whining and crying when things didn’t go the way you wanted them to— he thought you and him both had that in common.

•

its 6:38 pm as shigaraki plays with his cock, he keeps on stroking his manhood till he cums all over your face, well the poster in his room that has your face on it.

“i actually am dating someone!” you say

shigaraki almost broke his scarred neck and he looked over to the tv screen and saw you and a man…what? what could you be doing with him? shigarki couldn’t understand.

you smile and blush at the camera and the man puts his hands around your waist, he brings his handsome face close to yours and kisses you, you of course kiss him back, the lady interviewing you cheer you both on.

shigaraki hands fly to his neck and he starts scratching and crying at what he’s seeing right now, how dare you? how dare you (name)? he still can’t understand why.

“…this brat…i need to go now!” shigaraki yells.

he grabs his coat and leaves the new lov hideout, he doesn’t know why but he feels he has been a little too nice to you, you’re taking him for granted.

shigaraki arrives and waits for you, its early and he knows for a fact that you’ll be here late so he just waits in your house, he decayed your front door.

•

you were a bit drunk and your boyfriend senju had left you, you get in your car and drive back to your house, your dress was so tight it made you mad so you took it off.

you prayed and begged nobody saw you like this, what would people say if they say all might’s daughter with only a bra and panties, they were sexy too.

it was late at night so you could barely see and so it made you calm down a bit since you were almost naked, you went in your bag searching for your keys but almost died as you say your door…it was gone?

“hah what the hell” you whisper to yourself and walked in

you wish you didn’t since now someone was chaining you with some anti-quirk chains, you screamed at the person but they only laughed, the lights were turned off so you couldn’t see them.

“S-STOP Y-YOU WHAT ARE YOU DOING???! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM” you said

the person— man now laughs and your stomach now hurts from it, he was a villain, you could tell with that laugh of his, he came close to your ear, his hot breath hit your ear.

“of course i know who you are (name)” he said slowly

you screamed and started moving trying to fight against him but it didn’t work, he only laughed at how pathetic you looked trying to push him off.

“come here, i won’t hurt you” he whispered in your ear and you just cried and closed your eyes

he grabbed you and pulled you up the stairs where your room was at, he laid you down on your bed and locked the door, he then turned on the light.

you instantly cried when you saw him, he was the villain who invaded ua— the school your dad worked with. he started laughing like a psychopath.

“…that face, ive waited years to see you like that” he said and sized you up and down

you shook your head and cried even more.

“i can’t believe you became such a slut, wearing that really? are you trying to provoke me?” he said as he walked closer to you, he touched your hair with 3 of his fingers

“…(name) do you know who i am?” he asked

“…y-yes” you told him

“no, do you know who i REALLY am?” he asked and looked you in the eyes

you only shook your head and he smiled at that, he started taking his shirt and pants off, you looked at him confused, he was getting naked.

“s-stop!” you told him

you started to move around but shigaraki quickly sat on top of you, he looked at you and you cringed, you shook your head ‘no’ and he laughed.

he grabbed your face with 4 fingers and looked you in the eyes, your eyes looked so innocent and pleading to him, he creepily smiled when you started gagging.

“hahahahah hahahah, so…you smelled me right? i haven’t showered in weeks!” he told you in a mean manner

you gagged and looked at him as if he was the ugliest creature ever to exist.

“plwease ewa you’re so smelly! and ugly! get off me!” you screamed and cried but shigaraki had enough of you

he slapped you and pulled down your panties, he started pumping his 2 bony fingers into you in a unpleasant and fast manner, you cried even more.

“S-STOWPP!” you yelled

“hah, don’t you EVER treat me like that bitch or i’ll kill you!” he yelled back at you

you gasped and looked at him with a scared face, he was threatening to kill you…he wouldn’t do it right? he could end your life with all 5 of his fingers, it terrified you.

“n-no s-sorry…” you whispered and shook your head trying to convince him

“im going to hurt you real bad if you act all naughty now” he warned you

you started to cry and moan when he kept on scissoring you with his fingers, he did it so rough and to his surprise you were really tight, he smiled at this.

he started kissing your cunt and he pulled his fingers out of you, you felt empty and he chuckled when he saw your disappointed face.

he kept on kissing and tongue fucking your pussy so hard and good that you couldn’t stop crying and moaning, this was like heaven to him.

“you like it don’t ya” he asked you

you moaned and cried out to him but this made him mad, what did you do wrong? you should be the one mad, not him.

“when i ask a question you answer me…got that!” he slightly yelled at you

“mhm!” you screamed and cried when he slapped your pussy, it hurts so much.

“s-sir shigaraki” you said and he slapped your pussy again, causing you to moan and cry

“it’s tenko” he said

“h-huh?” you asked, he looked at you and told you

“i said call me tenko” he said and then started rubbing his fingers up and down your cunt.

“ah~uh” you moaned

“imagine what all might must think if he saw you like this…getting fingered by a villain…” he evilly stated

you started crying and screaming at the thought of that, you were a hero…getting fingered by a villain, a villain who hates your dad, how disappointing.

shigaraki turned you around and pushed his dick all the way up your pussy, he then grabbed your hair and whispered in your ear

“your daddy must be proud don’t ya think?” he whispered

you shook your head ‘no’

“doesn’t matter cause from now on im your daddy” he laughed and pulled your hair even more

“w-what do you want ah~” you moaned

“y-you” shigaraki was slightly out of breath, your body looked so perfect like this, all for him.

“w-what do you mean?” you nervously questioned

“you know w-what i mean ah” he moaned as he started slamming faster into you, your ass bounced on his belly and he smiled at this.

“so good~” he whispered

“ah AH t-there!” you moaned and whined, shigaraki groaned.

“so fucking good for me ngh” he moaned, yet all you could think about was your father, it was killing you.

you were getting off to a villain fucking you, how disgusting. you should be ashamed of yourself, what if he came in you?

“hey pay attention bitch!” shigaraki snapped his fingers at you “can’t believe you’re ignoring me”

“s-sowy” you cried and shigaraki pulled out and flipped you over, his hair hitting your face, he was sweating and so were you.

you’re cheeks and lips were red, his cheeks were red too. he then started to put his very long veiny dick in your pussy, he groaned.

“ah~ yes… a woman like you deserves to be treated like a slut…not a hero” he told you as he looked you directly in the eyes, his look was so intimidating.

you whined when he said that, you knew, well more like you believed that if you were a boy all might and everyone else would be way more proud of you.

“i-its hurts s-sir tenko” you whined for him and he started aggressively slamming his hips into you “AHHH~ T-TENKO!”

“mhm i knew you would like this, you’re such a dirty girl, call me daddy” he groaned out, he watched as your tits moved up and down, so hot.

you thought about it, he’s literally fucking you without your permission! he came and disintegrated your door, it was expensive! how will your dad react to thi-

“AGH NGHH D-DADDY, TENKO S-STAWP” you moaned with tears in your eyes and shigaraki drooled all over your tits and stomach, it was so nasty.

“mhm, my good girl, i see you’re learning your place…” he said and a feeling inside your stomach started growing, it felt so hot and you knew what was gonna happen.

“im g-gonna i-ima cum!” you moan out and cum on his dick, your pussy clenched around his dick in a filthy way, how file of you.

“uh-uh what a bad girl…and here i thought you were behaving good” shigaraki told you with a dry laugh, your eyes widened in fear as his hand came to grab your neck.

with tears in your eyes you looked up to him, his bloody eyes were staring into your soul, you started shaking and gasping for air, you thought he was going to kill you.

“i could kill you right now if i wanted to…” he told you and looked down to your red glossy lips “but i won’t…never”.

he forcefully kissed you and you allowed him to since you were scared he was going to disintegrate you, it was a horrifying thought.

he moaned into the kiss, he was waiting for this, to feel your lips on his, even if it was by force…he doesn’t regret anything at all, he loves it all.

with his free hand, he started playing with your right breast, he pinched your nipples and you opened your mouth to protest but shigaraki just inserted his tongue into your mouth.

you arched your back and started kissing him back, the feeling was good but it was bad, this felt like a sin, a very dirty and taunting sin.

he then let go off your neck, and allowed you to finally breathe, it felt good but then he started pulling it in, again, you both moaned.

he started moving, it hurt, he was going a little too fast and the look in his face scared you, he looked as if he going to kill you, what did you do wrong?

tomura had remembered why he even came here…because of that damn tall handsome male, he was jealous and he lost control, something in him was telling him to punish you— that you deserved this.

“you know, i was mad at you…no…i AM mad at you! how dare you go with that brat…he doesn’t deserve you, no one does!” he screamed at you with angry eyes, he then started pulling out of you.

“w-wha-“ you tried to talk but he shushed you and sat on the right side of the bed, he grabbed a fist full of your hair and looked at you in the eyes while talking.

“i spent almost my whole life loving you! and this…this is how you repay me! how embarrassing of me to fall in love with the daughter of the person i most hate in the world! i hate everything and everyone!”

you shook at his words, your tears were falling down your face like a lake, your lashes were wet and scalp was in pain, he was gripping your hair a bit too tight.

“i’ll kill him, everyone! him, your dad, all of them!” he screamed and then started crying.

“don’t you understand…? these heroes, your dad, they don’t love you! i did and do everything for you! yet all you is be ungrateful, i’ll make you learn!”

he pulled you by the hair and off the bed, he pushed you on your knees and forced your mouth opened, you started crying even more and trying to stand up but couldn’t when he pushed his dick all the way in your mouth, down to your throat.

“a-ah yes…now you’re being useful! you need to understand that im the only person who loves you” he said and you looked up to him through your thick lashes and rosy cheeks.

you looked so cute, like always, he thought he could take a picture of you and so he let go of your hair and grabbed his phone that was on the bed, you started shaking and asking questions but he just shut you up with his dick, again.

“i love you but you gotta learn” he said and started pushing your head up and down…faster and faster until he came, it felt so good and he pulled out to let some of his cum fall on your face.

“aww don’t look at me like that, smile, all heroes smile right!?” he said and slapped you when you didn’t smile, you cried and obeyed him this time.

“good good…” he said as he took a picture of you with a sad smile, you looked so hot, all for him, oh and your dad.

“i wonder what all might would say if he saw this…” shigaraki tormented you, you cried and begged him not to show anyone the picture.

“t-tenko p-pwease n-no…” you cried and crawled to him, he looked down on you and kissed you, you kissed back, scared.

he picked you up and sat you on the bed, he told you to go to sleep, but you shook your head ‘no’.

“(name), i said go to sleep” he said as he walked over to you, he got a blanket and covered you with it, he didn’t take off the chains on your wrists.

“…i w-won’t tell anyone about this…just please…don’t show my dad that picture, tenko” you looked at him with sad eyes.

“…okay” he whispered

shigaraki wanted to laugh in your face but, he decided to be nice and so he turned off the lights, and waited for you to go to sleep, and so when you did, he turned on his phone.

everything was going to be so good now, he’ll finally have you, he’s going to cum in you and breed you, he knows you’ll be a great mom.

he laughed at the thought of how all might and everyone would react to this, what expression would all might do if he saw your belly growing, his grandchildren will be the children of a villain, the one who hates him the most.

shigaraki looked at your beautiful sleeping face and smiled, he planted a kissed on your forehead and looked for all might’s number on his phone, he had it since he stalked you.

he clicked on it and send it to him, shigaraki laughed at this, would you get in trouble? doesn’t matter cause tonight he’s your daddy.

{end}