#ive never been so in love... i thought that wasnt possible

[radgeorgie]

i love being drunk :)

[snekdood]

I do kinda think peoples reaction to thinking i prevented my ex from Being Whatever They Want and then trying to exclude me entirely from the things i identify with- like... How is that okay in any capacity? If you did this in regard to my trans identity, would it still be okay? Why is it okay with the rest of the ways i identify too? I never stopped them from being anything anyways, i just didnt want to date someone who was mirroring me so fucking much, goddamn, i was okay with being their friend still, why is that so hard to understand. Sorry i dont wanna fuck someone whos pretending to be my clone, almost in an effort to mock me..?

[chisungie]

.

[talon-dragonbeast]

i havent seen this experience talked about much in the nonhuman community, so i thought i could share mine.

i wasnt actually dragonkin as a child, or at least i dont think so. its not that i didnt realise it either, or that i didnt know being human wasnt the only option there was; i was completely, 100% human. well, maybe not 100%– i'd say more like 90%. you see, i was human as a child; that i can be sure of. but i think the possibility of becoming nonhuman, the potential for nonhumanity was always there. im not sure if its because of atypical brain structure, autism/neurodivergency, or just personality– nature vs nurture, and all that.

the thing is, i was human. and now im not. so what happened?

well, i... don't know exactly. but i have a theory.

my brain always had that potential nonhumanity, yes, but if child me hadn't loved animals as much as i did, if i hadn't stayed in the library at recess every day, if i hadn't found a book on dragons and absorbed myself in what would become a long-term special interest, if i had more friends in school... the list goes on. basically, if things had been a little different, i might not even be nonhuman today. i would still be me, of course, but a different me. a human me.

so why am i sharing this? i always read about other critters' experiences with their nonhumanity, and ive noticed that a very common experience is being born nonhuman. on the other claw, there are critters that were human before, but then experienced something that made them become nonhuman. this is not to invalidate any of them, of course! but i had never heard of any experience that was between those two. and i realised that if i wanted to read experiences like mine, i had to write mine first! so, please, share yours! id love to read what you write, even if it's just a few sentences.

[magnetosupporter]

Sooo

lately since ive been reading the comics and watching the '92's show I have come up with a thought that i guess only tumblr fandom may welcome it and i'd to share it with you guys

well, since watching xmen 97 i have been completly in love with rogneto, and even went to read the comics to know more about them and their relationship and what had lead them towards the end so she actually end up marrying another guy, and dont get me wrong, i do enjoy watching gambit and think he's a funny character, cool powers and memorable lines, but i do not like to see him with rogue, but ive came to be cool with this fact since he makes her happy.

ever since watched EP. 5 i had the thought that he was somehow ""childish"" on what he said to rogue when she taught him about her previous relationship, and at first, i did get it, he was hurt, hurt to see she choosing somebody else. choosing someone he thought was no good (in all ways possible) and most important, choosing someone who could give her what he could not.

I mean, he's not wrong, indeed, there are some things deeper than skin, everyone knows that, but not this, not for her. I think, love is so much more than sex, but sex is also a part of love. You can say you love someone without ever have touched them, but sometimes, some moments, when you're so in love you wish to... kiss them. To hold their hands, to hug them, to strip them out of their clothes and touch them bare, kind of touch so intimate, so deep, to bring happiness and pleasure to the other and get yours from it. Its not the thought "someone has their needs", we can live without sex, its okay, but sometimes you wish more, and you are not wrong for dreaming big. Rogue has the right to dream big, to love, to touch, to give herself to someone and be loved, touched, desired. She has the right to have dirty fantasies and even, maybe, dream of having children of her own.

It is unfair to her to remind her what she alredy knows. She never forgot her love for gambit, for the thing deeper than her skin, but with that she was also reminded that even with happy moments she couldn't kiss him desperatly without bringing him pain. It is not causing herself pain that scares her, but hurting someone she loves the most. And we gotta agree that he saying that to her was probaply the most unfair thing someone could have ever said to another. Gambit was wrong, and unfair. And i do think he was childish in this moment, even though he was also hurt.

With saying this to her, I think he scared her, wronged her for choosing herself, her dreams and needs over love. Im not saying "she should have choose sex over love", because I know her moment with Erik was long gone, and probably wasnt so deep as the present one with gambit, but i do know she loved Erik, as he was wholeheartly given to her. There was just so more complex things between rogneto than i could say right now, but the point is: she has the right of being loved, and choosing this for her, even if it isnt with somebody we would like to.

She has the right of choosing herself and not being called selfish for that, because she is not wrong. She cannot be wrong in this matter, its her life we are talking about. We know how much of a hell her powers are to her, so, how can you blame her for choosing a path that wrong bring her or the ones she loves pain??

I do know that in the comics she learns how to control her powers and so many more things, but im talking about EP. 5, that little moment when everything seemed so... hard to go thru. Do not wrong my girl, she deserves to be happy and dont even try saying shit about Erik to favor your r*my, because Magneto may has done plenty wrong things in his life, but he also loved her more than he could put into words. He loves her in every universe, even if she does not choose him.

(not to forget the difference between their reaction on being rejected, but this is a matter for another time)

[fikefries]

Request for John b: reader finds out she is pregnant and is scared to tell John b because they are still teenagers.

tides of change

thank you for the request! i hope this was okay!

tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at the pregnancy test resting on the bathroom counter.

positive.

the word seemed to echo in your mind. you had been feeling unusually tired, battling waves of morning sickness for the past week. so, you took the test just in case, never truly expecting it to confirm your worst fears.

this changes everything.

you collapsed onto the cold tile floor, consumed by a whirlwind of emotions. fear, uncertainty, and a sense of overwhelming responsibility washed over you. you and john b were just teenagers, you havent even graduated high school, and now this unexpected change is going to alter your lives completely.

sobs racked your body as you realised what this would mean.

how were you going to tell john b? how would he react? would he even want to be a part of this?

but amidst the chaos of your thoughts, a small voice whispered a glimmer of hope. maybe, just maybe, this could be the start of something beautiful, the start of a family and a life with the boy you loved most.

with a shaky breath, you pulled yourself up from the bathroom floor, wiping away the tears that stained your cheeks. you had plans to meet john b at the chateau later today, as he wanted to go on a beach day. despite the turmoil raging within you, you knew you had to face him, to share this together.

summoning every ounce of strength you had left, you gathered yourself and began to get dressed, preparing yourself for the difficult conversation that awaited you at john b's house.

when you reached john b's house, he was already sat in the driving seat of the pogue, waiting for you.

"what took you so long babe?"

"just slept in sorry baby"

you felt bad about lying to him, but you just werent ready to break the news, it wasnt the right time.

once you reached the beach, john b took your hand and pulled you onto the shore as you both undressed, a light blue bikini top paired with beach shorts adorning your body, while he was shirtless with board shorts on.

as you stepped out into the sunlight, uncertainty loomed on the horizon, but deep down, you knew that whatever the future held, you and john b would face it together.

the salty breeze carried whispers of change as john b and you stood on the windswept beach, your laughter mingling with the crash of the waves. summer stretched out before you, a canvas of endless possibilities.

you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, your gaze fixed on the horizon. your stomach tied in knots with a secret you couldn't bear to keep any longer. with a deep breath, you turned to face john b, the words heavy on your tongue.

"john b, we need to talk," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.

john b's easy grin faltered as he sensed the gravity of your tone. "what's up?"

"i... i don't know how to say this," you began, your heart pounding in your chest.

"i- ive been feeling tired and ive had morning sickness for the last 5 days so.."

john b softly took your shaking hand in his in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"i took a test this morning, and... and i found out that i'm pregnant."

silence stretched between the two of you, the crash of the waves echoing in the stillness. john b's expression shifted from confusion to shock, then to a whirlwind of emotions you couldn't decipher.

"pregnant?" he repeated, his voice barely a whisper.

you nodded, tears welling in your eyes. "i'm scared, john b. we're just teenagers, and... and i don't know what to do."

without a word, john b closed the distance between the two of you, his arms enveloping you in a tender embrace. he held you close, his touch a comforting anchor amidst the storm raging within you.

"hey, hey, it's gonna be okay," he murmured, his breath warm against your ear. "i'm here for you baby. we'll figure this out together, i promise."

you shifted your head to look up at him, desperately trying to read his facial expression.

was he sad? did he regret it?

instead, you saw a smile beginning to form on his face.

"im going to be a dad" he stated

"i love you so much baby, im so lucky that you will be the mother of my kids- if you choose to keep the baby i mean, its all up to you my love"

he looked down at you with a wide smile plastered on his face

"plus you'll look hot as fuck in maternity clothes"

you giggle and lean into him, catching his lips in yours.

feeling the steady beat of his heart against your chest, you leaned into his embrace, your fears momentarily forgotten in the safety of his arms.

as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting a golden glow over the beach, john b pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering against your skin with a tenderness that spoke volumes. amidst the uncertainty of your future, you found comfort in the unspoken promise of a love strong enough to weather any storm.

[shishuri]

Ive been rewatching Vision of Escaflowne (because youtube algorithm compelled me to).. ohh boy.. watching the anime with adult brain you realize a lot of things you probably missed when you watched it when you were a child

Ex.

Allen was 21 in the anime, and Millerna and Hitomi were 15.. it gave me big ick whenever one of those two flirts with him. And every time he kiss one of them i keep saying "15, Allen, get away).

When i was a kid i did wonder about the Dilandau/Celena situation, specially what goes on down under.. i mean Dilandau is suppose to be male so does Celena grows the matching parts too.. I realize now that Dilandau is probably a split personality for Celena to cope with whatever experiments were done to her, the experiments probably just enhanced Dilandau's presence. Because at the end Jajuka told Celena that its ok to turn back to the gentle Celena. And that is way sadder than what i thought when i was a kid and also what the hell was i thinking 😂

Dilandau was a major jerk, i never thought of it before but he was so abusive with his subordinates and now i wonder why those guys are so loyal to him.

Duke Freid is based af, he is the father who stepped up. He knew, he fucking knew that Chid wasnt his but he acknowledged him, loved him, took care of him and even trusted the future of the Duchy to him. He didn't care about Marlene's former lover, and the fact that she still chose him in the end, I am 100% sure this man is a green flag.

Chid was swole at 5 yrs old. This little man was able to carry a huge ass sword twice his size to present to the zaibach empire for their treaty. Either that shit was not as heavy as it looks, there is magic shenanigans involved or Chid was swole af. Also, for a 5 yr old he speaks like he's 10. Either he is a genius or children in Gaea age faster or the author never met a 5 yr old.

To this day i am still upset that Van and Hitomi never really got together in any media made (manga, anime, movie), Hitomi will always end up going home, now i am more upset that Allen got to kiss Hitomi and Van only got a goddamn hug at the end.. I want my farewell kiss at the very least.

Since Van is a king he may still need to be married to have heirs to continue the Fanel bloodline. However, if he was responsible enough and realized that he shouldn't have kids to avoid the Draconian bloodline to be passed on and possibly repeat the same problem he had with Escaflowne. I know he wanted Escaflowne to never be used again, but shit can still happen and may inevitably be needed to be used again. If who inherits the throne is not very strict in Fanelia, this should be fine.

What the actual hell was Asturia's power hierarchy. The king had 3 daughters, supposedly, the first born should be the heir, but he sent her off to marry into the Duchy of Freid, but the duchy doesn't seem to be part of Asturia, so it's probably a duchy of another country. The next in line should be Eries, but when the king couldn't do his job after Zaibach attacked Asturia, Dryden was in-charge and he married the Mallerna the 3rd princess, and even before that Dryden assumes or maybe told that he will be king when he marries Mallerna. Even in a 90s anime there was a middle child syndrome. I didn't care about this when I was a kid, but somehow it bothered me now. Justice for Eries (the forgotten middle child).

Dryden was actually a green flag.. i think when i was a child I didn't like him for whatever reason. But now I realize that he isn't so bad. Aside from marrying a 15 yr old (he was 21, according to wiki), but that's Royal marriage for you, unfortunately. Besides the ick when he flirts with Mallerna. He bought a mermaid to set it free, paid the repairs for Escaflowne (the price of his main ship), helped Asturia during the war, and he wanted to wait for Mallerna to choose him.

Escaflowne has a "click here to call the Repair guy" mechanism in it. Literally, they can call the Ispano and they'll come right away whenever, wherever if they need it repaired 😂. Top notch Customer Support service. Nowadays, if you call the repair guy it might take 5-7 business days.. that's being generous.

I still dont understand Folken's motive to destroy Fanelia.. he is literally the first born of the king of Fanelia, he can open Escaflowne, he could have just returned with a dragenergist and claim his right to the throne to get Escaflowne before Van's coronation. But instead he let Van claim Escaflowne and had Fanelia destroyed. It could be argued that Van needed to take Escaflowne. But at the start the target was just "the dragon" Escaflowne, not Van.

I also still dont understand why Zaibach needed to wage war and it was necessary for the Zone of Absolute Fortune. Of course everyone's wishes will be tainted with their thoughts of war, that was the last thing they were doing, their adrenaline is still working overtime. They haven't sat to think what is going on so of course they would unintentionally wish for the fight to continue, they were still on survival mode.. i think they would have a different result if the Zone was activated when everything was peaceful. Did they need the situation to be dire?

Dornkirk is Isaac Newton. Lol

By the way, the way Dornkirk described what happened when he arrived in the Zaibach Empire.. bro was having a major god complex, "sent there to save these people" like sir.. you end up there cause you wished hard enough.

I kinda missed animes having a bit meta in it with their opening and ending songs.. ex. The opening song for Vision of Escaflowne is the tune in Marlene's music box.

[leincendiaire]

anyways salty thoughts. dont expect me to be nice

this is the one problem not exclusive to the finale, god ed's character arc just. didnt do it for me at all. I excused it before cuz I thought it would pay off as the season went on but nope. he never had a genuine apology moment, just that youtuber apology like gag and the cat collar joke. like they literally show us how the crew was completely scarred by his actions but theyre later just completely fine with him on board???? and stede keeps being his biggest stan when I think he would have been like hey what the fuck!! im sorry I hurt you but I am not responsible for your actions and you hurt my crew whom I hold very dear!! I love ed but Fuck he really went too far those first episodes and he never makes up for it. they only ever focus on His Own self journey, not how he hurt and traumatized practically every other character.

"well, I think narratively izzy's death made sense but—" no!! no it fucking didnt!! im sorry but it was just lazy writing!! they didnt know what to do with him so whoops he gets shot in the dumbest way possible. like, this aint my first rodeo, it aint the first time ive seen a character start off on their character journey to happiness only for writers to give up on it and kill them off. it's a tiring fucking trope tbh and I really wish they hadnt fallen into this trap. like his death scene wasnt good either, if youre gonna do it at least focus on his relationship with the crew, you know, the people he came to accept as family? not the man Who Shot Off His Fucking Leg And Almost Killed Him? I know they had an important relationship but that shit should have been talked about way beforehand, it deserved closure. they should have acknowledged they werent good for each other and made peace with it. izzy deserved a death with people who actually made him happy. ALSO THEY BURY HIM ON FUCKING LAND?????? he spent his life at sea!!!! he is the most devoted out of everyone to being a pirate and you bury him next to your fucking inn???? fucking twats istg

lastly I swear they forgot stede is the main character. they forgot literally everything about how to write him. he gets No Focus in the finale, and every scene he is in is bullshit. I actually wanted to punch my screen every time there was a joke about him being incompetent or whatever. like, hello??? thought we left that shit in s1??? he had Multiple Episodes about learning to be a pirate and adjusting to his new life and gaining more skills but no. he is just silly old loserboy for his cool war criminal boyfriend now. literally no skills or experience whatsoever. ok sure yea thats totally how he acted the rest of the season. also the fuck is it with him staying behind to run the inn with ed?? wasnt the whole conflict last episode their different desires out of life, with ed wanting to start a normal life and stede wanting to be a pirate?? when the Fuck did he change his mind. who are you and have you done with my boy

honestly I feel bad because jenkins is actually a good writer and the whole fandom really expected a lot from a man making his second show, and I think there were a lot of budget cuts and production issues so I can see why it turned out this way. he is probably mad about this too, I bet the cast also, like even the acting in this episode didnt feel passionate, and thats saying a lot since these actors really love this show. im just frustrated. man. time to write fics ig

[basil-does-arttt]

hold on wait a second i had a thought

in the DLC prolouge cutscene for DMC 5, when Vergil is in that stone passageway area, he says "its nearly time" (in reference to him splitting himself in half).

We know what day it happens, april 30th. The date is shown in Nero's flashback scene. This is of course assuming Vergil did all that on the same day, which i think is what happened. (He could open a portal to his house to travel, and why would he wait any longer and risk dying first?)

Anyway. Thats not my point, my point is: did he choose to do it on this day on purpose? Is this date special?

Im overanalyzing here so this may be a stretch, but: Could that be the day Eva died? Think about it. Him splitting himself was a "rebirth" of sorts: discarding his humanity to become a full demon in search of ultimate power.

Vergil being stabbed by those demons the day Eva died could also be counted as a kind of rebirthing for him: In the span of a few hours, he lost everything. His family, his life. And maybe even, his full humanity, as he gained his DT form in that moment too (shown by him having the same triggered-style eyes Dante uses when threatening V toward the start, also (half)triggered.) No longer was he a mere human boy, but now half a devil - the things that killed his family - too.

Knowing Vergil, it could make sense. In DMC 3 he's quite proper and a bit sentimental, much more so than Dante and i can see him caring more for these kinds of niche details in his life a lot more than Dante too. I also think he may have still been in that mindset when coming out of the Nelo Angelo body (however that happened), in a way that he hasnt really grown or matured while he was Nelo Angelo due to all the mind-fuckery performed thanks to Mundus.

(Could also be clarification for the reason Vergil still looks so young, quote "because of how much time he's spent in the underworld compared to Dante". He didnt live there, certainly not by choice. But he was captured and tortured by Mundus for 10 years. My thoughts is that he's technically still in his teenage body, as becoming Nelo Angelo and being in the underworld for so long thanks to Mundus halted (or at least very significantly slowed) the aging process. Time could move slower in hell but thats a rant for another time, ive gone off track.)

As such, him choosing such a special (traumatic) date to essential commit suicide on doesnt seem like much of a reach to me. Vergil has always been methodic. He doesn't do things hap-hazardly and never has, even as Nelo Angelo when he invites Dante outside to set up a proper fight rather than just taking the opportunity and attacking in the bedroom.

Of course you can argue it was coincidence, and he just stumbled across Nero by chance and decided to do it right then and there. He had to have found Nero first of all, figured out his plan of attack (probably so he wouldnt draw unwanted attention and possibly be stopped), then actually put it into motion. He couldnt exactly control the date Nero happened to be in the right place at the right time and gave him an opening. Im not trying to convince or anything, just sharing ideas, But wouldn't it just be so in character for april 30th to be a special date for him??

Overall i at least think the reason he chose to do it at the house was intentional for reasons stated above. If it wasnt, then why didn't he just... idk, find an alleyway or something and split himself there?

Those are my thoughts. Id love to hear other people's theories and such on this too.

(EDIT: I REALIZED THE MOMENT HE SPLITS HIMSELF ALSO PROBABLY HAPPENS AT A SPECIFIC TIME AS WELL, NAMELY 6:00 PM.

It mustve taken him some time to get back to the house. Not hours, but not seconds. 15 minutes seems like a good amount of travel time for someone who can teleport using portals alongside a bit of walking. If he got there early he could've just waited too.

A specific date, april 30th, and at (likely) exactly 6:00pm. In VOV while it is black and white, i assume the attack happened late into the evening, since the sky is dark when he gets back to the house a bit later. Idk how he would've known that it was exactly 6:00 but... anyway, Mundus also seems like the type of guy to plan shit, especially an attack like he did to Eva and the twins, if that whole "eva died on april 30th" thing was true.)

[musubiki]

This might've gotten retconned, but I think I remember you saying that one of the reasons Mochi's dad might not have been in the picture was because he had to take care of things with his own coven and I guess I'm curious; are there any rules about Witch Covens mixing? Like would that be considered too much of a consolidation of power or just a logical partnership? (For Example, if one of the Raven witches brothers joining the Snake Witches coven, would that be seen as a way to ally both covens or a betreyal from the brother/The snake coven "stealing" a member?)

oooo this is actually an interesting question honest i havent thought about it!!! i dont think theres any hard-set rules about "mixing" guilds before, in my head ive always seen it as the kind of thing where any person/guild member has the right to choose if they want to be in your guild or not, or if they want to be in someone elses guild..

that being said, if corven rejected his sister to be in the snake covern i KNOW murda would be PISSED LMAO!!!! i can DEFINATELY see that happening if there's bad blood between siblings or something, maybe a son jealous that the daughter became a witch (because males cant inherit witch magic) and joins another guild out of spite

in the case of mochis dad, i think he was a guild member for someone else (and/or possibly a relative) BEFORE he knew tiramisu, so he already had obligations to them prior to falling in love.

but there ARE rules about too many witches being in close geographical proximity for too long. especially if its two or more members of the 5, having that much magic power concentrated together just attracts bad things...the coattails catch on, the m-34th gets winds, everyone suddenly knows theres witches in this area. so either mochis dad would have to leave his current guild or one of the witches (tiramisu and the other whose guild he was in) would have to give up their power, neither of which was going to happen unfortunately :')

i also think that theres no rules against leaving a guild. its made clear very early on that the guild position is a choice and youre never stuck in that path in life. but again for mochis dad, i think it was the kind of thing where he was so ingrained in that persons life that leaving wasnt an option (it would be like corven leaving murda, she depends on him for a lot of things and he cant just up and leave)

[georgette-mademoiselle]

Georgette and sekido part 8

overthinking

This one is kinda a continuation to the last one i made yesterday

Even since the beginning of there first encounter she had always tried to keep away from him because he was very intimidating but after finally bieng alone to talk to him that fateful day there relationship started to slowly develop from there but would revert back when his anger got the best of him towards her accidentally.

But on this particular day she was avoiding him for a week now and soon his rage would dwell into fear he thought he was going to lose her for good and choose to be with the others instead of him permanently.

He was in his working station in his room mot even able to concentrate as he fidgets around his pen while the other massages his temple his leg making the same movement as his working hand he was nervous more so that his beloved could possibly be thinking to leave him now because he went to far in his words.

He may be the embodiment of anger but still shares the same anxiety as hantengu just not to that extreme. Soon his chest almost felt tight and suddenly hes gulping down his weakness near the edge of wanting to have a paranoid breakdown never in his life has he felt such guilt for his actions not like this hes not used to this feeling at all and it only agitates him more that hes in this vulnerable state of despair and shame.

But then the door slides open he had forgotten to lock it. it was georgette, she had come to check up on him after never leaving his room all day today sne was worried for his well-being but before she could even say anything something was already wrong by the shaking body gesture and hands clutched onto his head "sekido!" She called.

Immideatly he jolted to her way. His eyes where wide in fear and it looked as if he was fighting back tears seeing the glisten of his eyes while sweating. His panick attack was about to hit full blown but her presence and look of genuine concern blocked it from happening.

"g-gerogie..." Just before she could move towards him with open arms sekido jumped out of his seat to hold her missing her warmth her gentlness her scent everything about this woman he missed it all. Wrapping his arms around her waist before he fell to his knees the wetness of her dress as he silently sobs of relief.

"sekido! Sekido! Hey whats wrong? My thunder storm why do you weep?" She kneels down letting him rest upon her lap as he lets it all out fingers caressing his soft auborn colored hair.

His words took time to put together, pulling together to stop from hyperventilating until finally words managed to escape his mouth.

" i-i-...im sorry! Ok there! Sorry! I know im not the kindest of person in the world infact i dont even deserve to be treated with such gesture! Y-you deserve better ok! Go with ai hes more empathetic o-or urogi! He can make you smile! Even stupid karaku would be better of with you! J-just...*fighting the urge not to cry again* anyone but me ok! I dont want to hurt you like that ever again I'm sorry georgie im so sorry!...."

She sat there and listened to his woes, she had no idea that he would have been affected by her absence, she only wanted to give him room to breath no matter how long it taked but that wasnt the case sekido missed her since day one of leaving him alone and now his guilt took a toll on him that she would leave him for somone else somone better and kinder. Yet little did sekido know he was kind a very different kind of kindness that was rare to see.

" my love, why do you say such nonsense? I already have the most kindest most understanding man right her on my lap." She moves her other hand to rub his shoulder.

" your motherly nature when you look out for your comrades is something i admire, perhaps strict but nonetheless its because you care for there safety"

" and dont think ive forgotten the time when you nurtured me during the time i came home with my face disfigured you still complimented me thoughtful after i was feeling low self esteem in that moment and to top it off you even came to my care when i was sick due to my ability even though you didnt have to. i think about it often "she chuckles placing a kiss on his forhead.

" you are loved sekido, and you are wanted. Nobody is perfect and thats ok...im not eather. No matter how rocky our relationship gets i want us to be able to solve it together because at the end of the day while i love the other three i want to be with *you* more than anyone sekido.."

He listened and the more he did the more he was gaining his composure again. He needed to hear that this was something hes been needing to hear for a long time now. Hes flawed and thats ok she is aswell. As his worries finally drift away sekido finally had the courage to slowly lift himself up to her nuzzling on the crook of her neck the same she did to him during that day of her mental breakdown.

"thank you, my rose..."

"i really needed to hear that..." He deeply sighed feeling true relaxation now.

" i think if you hadnt had come here any time i would have already bashed my head againts the wall along with the other idiots."

She only laughed

" where going to have to work on a different approach for a better anger management for example"

Hands him a rubber stress ball "tada!'

"....what the fuck is that?'" he looked at it with disgust the texture feeling wrong to him

" a stress management ball you can squeeze it throw it and smash it to let your anger all out see? Im good at this!"

He just stares at it and then clutches it with his fists then snorts.

" well this sure looks fun.."

"because it is my little lightning bolt ❤️"

Dividers by @/elryisia

[the0ther-side0f-dawn]

long personal post about how actually things have gotten better

warning: mention of heavy topics

so im deciding to start re-embracing the joy and sincerity and vulnerability i had at 15. Tumblr was literally my diary.

however the suicidal ideation of being 15? no. tho we still have bouts of hopelessness, but its different now. however i do rlt struggle to refer to that time as being suicidal, but im not sure there is a better word. like i did not want to live, but i did not want to die - because all of my thoughts and logic had me convinced that yeh, it could (and likely would) be worse ... moving on...

i also used to actually reblog stuff. not just scroll and like. and ive been reblogging more lately.

why wasnt i reblogging or posting?

at some point i became very repressed. i shut down self expression and started just internalising all of my lows and lots of other thoughts. i had some bad friendships and experiences and shitty home life where i adapted by just burying everything. not just the bad stuff. i was terrified of judgement and having the things i enjoyed and cared about and liked, be torn to shreds. i was also very scared to say the wrong thing (thanks Tumblr Moral Perfectionism and Purity Culture). but whilst im still not comfortable sharing my passions and emotions IRL... thats just common sense. its mostly family and experience has taught me that they will insult me. i am a lot less afraid of cringe. and im a lot more confident in my own thoughts and opinions. we could also talk about how fandom died for me in 2016 and iykyk. like i lost hope and didn't see the point trying to care again if loss was inevitable. its one of those grand philosophical questions and my answer was that it was better to have no joy or love than it was to risk having something and suffering the pain of losing it... but that is an anxiety mindset. you cannot be happy living out of caution. the greatest joy comes not without risk.

anyways, for a few years now, ive really been on the up. i got some diagnoses which meant I could finally start to understand myself and what was going on and why, and I could learn to manage it. And im not just talking mental/neurodivergence. i was also really physically sick for a long time and im still dealing with the trauma of that because noone fucking believed me (ps. if anyone knew me during that time and you did believe me. thanks. but also despite my memory being shit, ive got to say noone rly knew me during that time. i was very shutdown and had very limited interaction with anyone.) and all i just kept hearing about during that time was how lazy I was and how i must have a really low pain tolerance but ANYWAY. point is, im doing better.

still not living in a perfect situation, and im still not well (i never will be, such is the nature of "chronic" ) but im not living in a state of fear and dread every single day. im in a much better place.

am i exhausted constantly bc i now have a fulltime job and it is unnecessarily stressful and also physically demanding and also i have very little energy to begin with? yeh. but also do i love my job? also yes.

do i have very real concerns that im going to burn out and/or my condition will worsen and i will be unable to work and support myself and i wont have a safety net? also yeh. thats that bouts of hopelessness i mentioned earlier.

but mostly, im doing okay.

i dont have as many friendships as i used to, or any especially close friends but, the people i do have in my life are good people. i dont feel constantly scared that i will say the wrong thing - something embarrassing or awkward or questionable - and that they will abandon me. there is a sense of security.

i dont rly have anyone that I feel completely comfortable and relaxed around but im getting there. Like very almost there, for the first time in my entire life. i can see the possibility of being accepted and at ease. and it is really only me holding myself back. (one day i will figure out how to relax).

i constantly joke about having cured my anxiety but honestly? i kind of did. the thought patterns are still there but I'm so much better equipped to recognise and manage those thoughts. my every action is no longer dictated by my anxiety. most of the time I'm barely aware of what im doing. which thats its own issue... But im no longer in a perpetual state of hypervigilance and that is good. im not even on antidepressants anymore. I've got the anxiety under control, not the other way around.

if 15 year old me met me now- she would be slightly disappointed that i didnt have my own place - but otherwise she would be so shocked at how well i function and how confident i am and how happy i am, and shocked that i now actually want to live a life.

im also, as i said, making an effort to actually give a fuck again. im gonna start caring about things and im not gonna shut up about it.

im going to be more open and honest. and im going to learn how to be me.

being vulnerable is the absolute most terrifying thing but thats my goal. thats the necessary risk. it won't come easily or naturally or right away, but i will get there.

things are looking up.

[the-kipsabian]

He doesn't really need a tag partner (I'm sure there are people he trusts enough to team with) but if Chuck is out forever can we have Kip step in and be a person for OC to lean on? I mean we could get him on TV possibly weekly (win win in my book) plus maybe we can get OC corrupted and boom it helps push the storyline with Trent? IF Chuck is able to come back, maybe he uncorrupts him? Thoughts?

SO. im sorry ahead of time that this will get longwinded and probably not gonna make a lot of sense but i have A LOT of thoughts regarding this whole situation

so this has been a very common thing to discuss in my dms ever since the shades of the best friends betrayal started when trent and oc entered into the tag team tournament (also shoutout to bugs for dealing with my shit constantly cause i know i can be unhinged ough), and what we dubbed as savior!kip has become a very intense hope in this storyline so... yeah ive been thinking about this possibility a lot ngl

im gonna put the rest of this under the cut cause lmao yeah. im gonna go off the rails

i wanna start this by saying that while i do want chuck to come back, im specifically hoping that he'll come back to team with trent again and to torment oc, that all of this has been one big ruse to see if oc really is their best friend or not (spoilers: hes not. trent is right about everything he said dont @ me). and oc is slowly starting to lack friends; seeing how things are going, things with kris arent that great. shibata and hook have their hands full with so many other things. rocky is obviously siding with trent, even if he doesnt say it directly out loud but roppongi vice forever basically, and the rest of chaos is mostly in japan (and okada is evil now so...). danhausen basically doesnt exist anymore. everyone oc has had around him has slowly disappeared, for one reason or another

so where does that leave us, exactly? you turn to the other side (or more in this case, the other side turns towards you to help out)

kip has been critical on twitter about the don callis family, and basically saying he would never join them due to disrespect from don. and we all know how much kip loves and cares about oc (i dont have to proof this to you you have seen all the sweet tweets and other stuff. this man used to use the kissy face emoji frequently while tweeting at or about oc come on now), so seeing these two words colliding would probably not sit very well with him, i'd imagine. while someone could argue that kip has lost interest in oc since he has dropped the title and thats all that was ever about...

first of all, the "sweet little clementine" nickname has been used multiple times throughout the timeline. this wasnt just a mind game trick to get into ocs head during the title feud, it was in there way way before that ever happened (i believe we are talking about full gear 2020 if i recall my timelines right [its around 3 hours and 9 minutes]); he has always been affectionate about oc in a really weird way (hes british tho so thats probably why). second, how many times has kip been after anyone else between ocs title reigns and after? exactly zero. when mox and fenix were champs, he didnt say a peep (he did, whoever, put out my favorite tweet of all time when oc lost the title to mox). after oc gained the title, he started tweeting again about it. and again when oc lost it, not a word. kip hasnt said anything about the international title or rodney since then; the only time he did post, he told rodney to fuck off cause clementine was his. and since then? kip has been keeping an eye on the best friends feud so... do whatever you wish with that information (1, 2, 3)

the point is, the obsession was NOT with the title; hes just always been affectionate about and towards oc, but in a really weird and obsessive, kind of a destructive way

why is this necessary to bring up? well...

do you really think he would stand idly to the side to watch oc align himself with someone like don callis when all his other friends have abandoned him, all these things considered?

do i need to remind you of something? cause i will remind you of my favorite post

throughout this entire time, kip never gave up (im aware this is technically non-canon as this is a quote from stream but. if you know their history over on twitch, it counts. the feud bled over there during its prime too). yes this technically had everything to do with him tearing ocs friends away from him when this was posted, but.. dont you think its fitting tho? considering the situation oc is in now? and while yes it might seem that kip is taking the side of trent in this whole thing, this was specifically before don callis inserted himself into the situation by whispering whatever the hell into ocs ear

and what better time and way for kip to insert himself back into ocs life as the one person he can still rely on than right here and right now, when oc is so desperate for a connection and friendship that he'll take don callis of all people?

if we want to dig more into my personal observations, kip has never felt as respected or perceived as he did/does when hes across the ring from oc. this feud was the highlight of his career since the comeback (and arguably, his [and miros] feud with the best friends ending with arcade anarchy was the other, so these two have always been connected more or less), its the one thing people keep talking about in reference to him apart from the box; how he should have been the one taking the title from him, how kip should have been elevated from that point forward too. how people talk about him almost only when he has faced oc in the ring afterwards (which has been at least three times if i recall right from the top of my head) or had a chance to challenge again for that title before oc lost it entirely

so what is the conclusion i wanna draw from this? kip keeps bringing him up. he keeps on leeching on him. he wants that attention off of oc, but also from oc. and what better way to do that than to now befriend him, show him support, be there for him when everyone else has abandoned him?

except its not entirely malicious. it might start as such, but its definitely mutually beneficial, more so than intended; sure maybe kip takes the chance to get to oc when hes down and vulnerable, but theres also that high chance that he'll see he can actually help. kip can help pull oc back up and help rebuild him. kip can be useful and important in this equation too, not just oc (which.. its gonna show kips true colors tbh. considering how kip treats oc as a whole, but he was taking trents side earlier about everything when best friends broke apart so...)

i think this is enough of me rambling, so im gonna get to the point of the ask lmao; but yeah, while i'd love for chuck to come back, i dont think he needs to be the one to uncorrupt oc from under kips spell. cause there wont be a spell to begin with. while yes it might start more or less as a corrupting relationship if they got to tag together with oc, i dont think ultimately it would be harmful to him. just like kip would be there to be supportive of oc, eventually he would return the favor by helping kip flourish, like he has done more indirectly in the past. they are mutually beneficial to one another, for better or worse maybe, but its not going to lead oc down a dark path in my opinion. if anything, oc is uncorruptable at this point (especially without the belt but i feel like that story has completely died by now with roddy holding the title so im not going to touch that rn), and him getting love and support from someone genuine, although surprising in this case, it would just make him more likely to return that favor than to turn against it. what i mean is, oc would be the one to uncorrupt kip, if anything

thank you for coming to my tedtalk and im soooooo sorry for all of this

[mamadarama]

Omg previous ask back here I am so glad to hear your thoughts and your perspective was really nice!! :D

I do understand that it's meant to be frustrating as part of his character I just didn't know if it was lazy writing or character loyalty HELP cuz I can't tell sometimes

I do also wish his development turns positive because out of everyone in the cast I'd argue he deserves a bad ending the LEAST. Compared to what others have done, Madara is kinda,, tame. Not at all I mean if you compare vigilante justice and resorting to violence to protect your loved ones compared to say,,, martyring 5 students to the point of severe mental damage and indirectly causing mass suicide in your school, Madara's sins (at least, his known ones) are a drop in the bucket even if we estimate indirect casualties.

He's a guy that does bad and damages himself but never once did I at least perceive his actions to be malicious. If anything, I liked him for the fact that he does what he does to be better for others, and that singular thing will always resonate in my heart. I'd pull my hair out and bash my head against the wall if I had to summarize his character because he just ISN'T SIMPLE. I once tried to explain his lore to my sister and I ended up sending her a voice mail that was EIGHT MINUTES LONG and I talk fast.

Ahem anyways yes I do hope they don't bash his character story like whatever the fuck they did with other characters (coughs) (looks at the horror that is matrix) (coughs)

Also I forgot to sign off cuz I was in the middle of my shift but that was me ( @umiedibles ) wow madayumenon talking about Madara fork in the kitchen anyways have a good one I love your whiteboard posts :33 virtual milk and cookie for you 🥛🍪

tbh writing that made me realize id be disappointed if he ends up with anything more than a bittersweet resolution . a true positive everything turns out alright ending wouldnt be as impactful or very "madara". to me at least. after everything hes gone through the best way for his story to end imo would be to have him try and pull off a massive cataclysmic self destructive stunt, have his friends save him from himself (ideally kanata), and after its all over and his armor has been smashed to dust , finally learn to accept that things will never be the same again and thats okay. he still hates himself, he never reconciles with his family , but he stops actively trying to alienate people and starts exercising benefit of the doubt when it comes to other peoples opinions of him ("i dont know what you see in me but thank you regardless" instead of his current "liking me is a mistake on your part and im sorry for you") and that is the biggest piece of character development he could possibly have: accepting life as it is, no matter how unfair it happens to be

as for power scaling the sins of characters..... its unfair to say any of them are worse than any other. ive talked about this before but eichi, although bitter, was well intentioned. it tears him up inside to this day even. tsumugi was naïve. keito got lost in his own fantasies after obtaining a position of power. madara was provoked . and no one in the war got out unscathed. the only real dickbags in enstars are gatekeeper godfather priest etc

also matrix wasnt that bad . rinne is just rinne.

[starfxkrinc]

ooo i vaguely remember you talking about it b4 you got sniped but maybe you retconned it! id love for you to elaborate bc if jj wasnt alr tweaked out over her before, he definitely went ballistic when he took her virginity. kittens flirting def had him in a frenzy during the entire school day, just for her to be seen with a guy he hates #lol he got suspended that day… jjkitten gets so primally psychosexual in very animalistic ways…

— 🦢

well first jj had sex with that older woman cause he thought kitten was doing the same. subconsciously he wanted to one-up her (she didnt have sex with the guy it was just other stuff) and it like. really pissed her off actually she just never told him. so from then on she upped the mind games cause shes #crazy

first time they had sex there was nothing special or "romantic" about it and like why would it be. he lost it very unceremoniously after a yard job, she seemed to want to get it over with as quickly as possible but there was still a lot of anger and tension, he'd seen her hanging around some guy he just beat up over her and that was part of the issue. every guy who liked her, he would beat up, now most guys wouldn't touch her because jj has effectively marked his territory (resource guarding and all that...) so after the fight instead of visiting jj in the nursing office like she normally does she visited the other guy. she didn't care about him, just needed to prove a point.

so. they're at her house after school, she's changing and he's fucking around at her vanity pretty much interrogating her in that cruel way he likes to.

so how long has that been going on.

he's a dick you know that right.

says crazy shit about you all the time. always goin on about you bein a slut. talking about your tits n shit and i know he's lyin cause ive seen em and they're nothing like what he says.

he just wants to fuck you. half the fucking grade just wants to fuck you and you like that shit.

you wanna fuck him? have you?

and like she's cagey, always is and its pissing him off but he realizes that oh. shit she's a virgin. and he's like thrilled because of he gets to her first it doesnt matter who she sleeps with after. he had her first, she'll compare everyone to him after.

so they have sex. both are feeling a lot emotionally but obviously don't say anything, it's not like they can because by the time they're putting clothes back on her mom's coming home.

jj stays for dinner. sleeps on the couch that night cause her mom says he looks exhausted and she'll drop them off at school the next morning and in the middle of the night she comes out to kiss him and for once she doesn't look mean or agitated.

he somehow ends up not sleeping with anyone for two months after only for her to fuck the guy anyways.

[pseudowho]

hello once again, it's 🕊️ anon (aka anon with shitty rich friend) again

im so sorry for dumping all of this lore on you u this way, u dont have to reply to it

but there was so much more controversy when they got together. so basically it wasnt just me liking the guy. the guy (lets call him T)'s childhood best friend (lets call him M) was basically in love with the girl (lets call her S). M liked S for a whole year (S and T didnt even know each other that well) and when M confessed, S rejected and it was a pretty messy rejection (I dont know the details). a few months after that T and S started talking secretively and only a few people knew about this. so them getting together broke the lifelong friendship between T and M.

Now i am pretty good friends with M, but i hadnt ever told him that i liked T. recently after everything went down, i met up with him and told him that i used to like T. and this is how the convo went:

me: so i used to like T

him: i know

me: fym you know??

him: i could tell

me: since when?

him: 10th grade

me: right. does he know?

him: yes, we talked about it back then

me: so what did he say?

him: that youre not his type

me: ah okay fair

i basically put on my most nonchalant attitude to hide the fact that i was tweaking inside. now the fact that he knew got me thinking two things:

1. he knew i liked him during all the time i 'subtly' tried to get close to him and he shut me out in the driest way possible. im gonna curl up in a hole and wither into nonexistence.

2. he knew he had the opportunity to get over S before he fell hard simply by giving me a chance. but he chose to ruin his lifelong friendship then even consider being with me??

sorry im rambling but im 18 and ive never been liked or pursued by anyone and im the only one in my friendgroup with less than 0 experience which always makes me wonder if theres something wrong with me. there are moments where i see the good in me, but the negative thoughts almost always seem to outweigh the positive ones and the whole situation only seemed to fuel them and im once again so sorry for yapping so much.

the way this isnt even all because this whole situation caused me to almost lose my bestest friend too but thats a story for another day (maybe)

The idea that you're "unlikeable" comes to you, because in this instance, you were rejected by 100% of the people you had feelings for. Even though that was simply one person, to your brain, it feels like you would be undesirable to the whole world, because that one person- 100%- of the ones you wanted, weren't into you.

18 years old is also quite genuinely no age. I'd be concerned if you had been 'pursued' by loads of potential suitors. Most 18 year olds are, through no fault of their own and in no way an insult, so worried about themselves and where they fit in the world and how they come across to people, that they struggle to relax enough to really enjoy their romantic relationships without all the extraneous pressures anyway.

Tone down of the self loathing and work on the self reflection instead. Take a deep breath and a step back, and look at your perceived flaws objectively; what could you do to improve them? How can you work on making the best parts of you dominant? Being happier with and more confident in your own character is so much more important than being in a relationship.

It is FUCKING ROUGH and mortifying to have to reframe your memories of trying to get close to this guy, with the new information that he always knew and was rejecting you the whole time, adding context you never had. This will probably be one of those memories that makes you cringe at 25 years old, 35 years old, 55 years old...you get the point. You did nothing wrong; it's just one of those things. I'm sorry.

I fully, fully appreciate the yearning for love. It will come, really.

It is important, and perhaps difficult to accept thoughts, that it likely wasn't Her OR You. It does, truthfully, sound like he did not consider you an option at this point, for whatever reason; it certainly sounds so based on what your mutual friend says. So the anger of "he chose xxx over ME?!" is likely uncalled for, even though it's bloody hard being rejected.

I'm sorry your shitty friend went for your other shitty friend instead. They've got a lot of growing and learning to do as well.

And stop hating yourself. You're not detestable, like seem to think you are.

☝️ you, getting ready to go after these guys, I think, but you shouldn't, just BREATHE

Love,

-- Haitch xxx