#ive made pizzas so many times before i know what im doing why am i so anxious about this

[conspicuous-clown-car]

ive got my first shift at a new job in an hour and i am so nervoius

[vyladromeave]

SHABOWKNIGHT HEADCANONS PLASTERBOATS

This is how Shabowknights work in my brain. It just is. 

(Warning this is super long. like really long. its literally like 69k+ words im not kid. ding. i did include a couple poupble to help break up the bup the text. so. good lick.)

BECOMING A SHADOWKNIGHT

There is only one requirement for a person to become a shadowknight: you gotta feel it. you gotta reel it. you gotta feel it in the heart of the cards. sometimes ur having a rough day and youknow what thats fine. the shadowlord is totally there for you. hes your homie. your bro. your bromie. he can be anything you want him to be. but most importantly he is here for YOU. hes the cool boss. he lets you slack off on fridays, he puts slightly outdated memes in his powerpoint presentations. all for you. you’re welcome.

Now I hear what you’re thinking. What happens when the Shadowlord has a bad day? He can’t always be there for you, right? Wrong. The Shadowlord is on that grind, as the kids say. The grind never stops. no breaks. Stops? no stops. the only thing the Shadowlord is putting a stop to is ᴛʜᴇ ᴇɴᴛɪʀᴇ ʀᴜ'ᴀᴜɴ ʀᴇɢɪᴏɴ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠɪʟʟᴀɢᴇ-ʟᴏʀᴅ sʏsᴛᴇᴍ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɢᴏᴠᴇʀɴs ɪᴛ. Hes up all night and all day, working hard for you. give him a big thank you.

Not convinced? here’s a cool diagram he made for you. this could be us. you could be partially dead BUT holding hands with your best bro the Shadowlord. and really, what’s better than that? ghat? yeah? no. nothing. nothing is better. look at this diagram and fucking weep.

•

SHADOWKNIGHTS AND IMMORTALITY

All Shadowknights are immortal, as in immune to giving a shit. they just dont give a shit. they can just sit around for hours not giving a shit. do you give a shit? you shouldnt. you shoulding. houlding. hold mushrrom. thats what you should be doing right now. what are you waiting for? well???????????

If you were a Shadowknight, you could be holding a mushroom right now. That’s right. a whole mushroom just for you. but you arent. so you wont. why not? what’s stopping you? pledging your undying allegiance to the Shadowlord isnt so bad, we promise. it rocks, actually. we have pizza parties at the end of every month. does your employer hold pizza parties at the end of every month? I didn’t fucking think so.

Now I know what you’re thinking. But I dont waaaannnaaa kill the person I love the most! Well guess what? Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life. Which is why you’re lucky that this decision is actually an easy one! I mean think about it, end of the month pizza party, mortal emotional attatchments. attachemnts. atatchments. fuck. however you spell it. Which one sounds cool as hell? Thats right. I don’t even have to say it. you know the answer. you already know the answer. i put it in your breain and it stays there.

•

Your favorite pizza topping.

What do you want on your pizza? I know you’re technically not one of the bros yet, but theres no way you wont be after all this, so I figured I’d go ahead and get your order down. Yeah i know the pizza party is a month away. im not ordering it right now. im ordering it later. that way its still fresh when it shows up. 

Although the delivery times out here in the nether kinda stink if I’m being honest. dont tell the shadowlord I said that though. he puts in a lot of time and effort to making sure everything is cool down here and like, really he doesn’t need to worry about the whole pizza delivery thing. like he already puts in so much time, the least i can do is cover the pizza thing yknow? 

I actually made the pizzas one month. have you ever made hundreds of personal pan custom pepperoni pizzas. its a lot of work. seriously. I kept burning them. so many burnt personal pan piping hot pipper pepper pepperoni personal pan personal pizzas. luckily im immune to fire, and i can never die. if you were one of the bros, you could be too. here’s your pizza.

•

Consuming the Pizza

Go on. eat it. I made it for you. what do you mean when did I have time to make a pizza? just now, while we were talking. didn’t you notice? maybe not. I’m good at making pizzas quickly now. ive had a lot of practice. maybe we could make some personal pan pinni mini pan pepperoni pizzas togethethter sometime.

oh my god. wait. im an idiot. im a fool. i was so focused on making you your personal pan pipini piziza pepperoni peper piza that i didnt even hear what you wanted for your toppings. im so sorry. oh my gosh im so sorry. i really didn’t mean to, i just got caught up in the moment. really. i promise. i know this reflects really badly on the whole shadowknight thing, but i promise this is a rare occasion. really. all the bros here in the nether are really kind and thoughtful, so stuff like this rarely ever happens. I really hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

maybe its better that we dont have personal pipizini personal pan papaza pizzas. im not actually that good at making the pizazis. i lied. im sorry. im so sorry. this doesnt normally happen. i just wanted to sound cool. its been so long since someone’s considered joining the bros, i just wanted you to really like me. im so sorry. oh my god. im so sorry.

•

A Reformed Pizza

The pizza is metaphorical. we’re still friends, right? we’re still bros? future potential bros? the potential kinetic mechanical energy of bros? thats a little science joke for you, whwhwhere i just said the science words. I havent learned about science in a while, ive been stuck down here making personal pan pizzazos for a while. im sorry about the pizza thing again, by the way. i tossed  your bad personal pan pizza in the lava pool over there to make up for how sucks it was. it was really bad. yeah. its probably a good thing that nobody ate it.

A Sturdier Pizza

The pizza is literal. We can make a new pizza. together. with my powers and yours combined. give me your hand. we are holding hands now. these are the hands that will make a new pizza. together. we can do it if we believe. do you believe? in our new world? in our now pizza? you should. you should believe. you better fucking believe it.

look at thsi shit. ohhhhooooooollyf uck. look at that pizza. holy shit. look at that piza. holy shit. balls.

•

Natural Abiblibties

sorry im still jsut thinkginbg aboutt he pizza. homygod. holy shit. did youz seetheat pizza. did you see it. arey you looking. at the pizza. ohmygodc. look at thits. is. its. the pizza. its fucking perfect look at it. ive never made a pizza like that before. we diddit tofgotehr. we did it. the pizza. we did it.

iknow itsnoth the end of the month yet but iwant to have a pizza party. lets do it again. we’re strong enough. we can take on anything tofeger. antyhign. even pizza. especially pizaz. we can. iknow you dont believe it but its strue. lets do it again. lets make a pizza one more time. what dtopping do you want to put on it this time? mushrrom? we can do mushrrom.

here. im handing you a mushrrom. you can put it on the pizza. its a topping. there are many toppings you can put on pizza. you can put on extra cheese too. then iets ecxtra cheesy. cheesy peezy. pizza.

lets do it together.

•

Additional Pizzas

we’ve made so many pizzas. thatslike two whole pizzas. wholy fuck. holy shit. thats twho whole pizzas. bro. thats great! thats amazing! thats two more pizzas than we had before. like seriously we set our mind to the piizza and our brain to the pizza and you smush it and you sus it and then you pizza. woaw! pizza. pizza.

what if we made more pizzas.we could make a pizza for everyone. everyone could knpow of our pizzas. everyone could be just as happy as us. isnt that great? isnt that amazing? we could all pizzas. we could ALL pizzas.

hold on. im calling the bros. they need to know. they need to pizza. ive got two bros right here ready for a pizza. do you think we can do it. thats double the pizza we’ve already made. it could be tough. i know this is a lot of pressure, and it really means a lot to me, but its ok if you want to back down now. pizza is a lot of work. its hard work. i know it is. you know it now too. but we can pizza. we can pizza together.

•

THANK YOU FOR PIZZA!

:) the bros really enjoyed the pizza. thanks for helping me make pizza very appreciate very cool. pizza. im handing you a pizza coupon right now i am folding it into your hand. what store does it go to? dont worry about that. its just a coupon for pizza, you dont have to worry about the specifics. they’ll know what to do with it.

they’ll know.

:)

[gaylien51]

Chapter 2: A lot of questions

“Uhhhh hi? Nice dagger you got there” Mikey stared fiercely at the turtle ready to kill if necessary.

The turtle in front of him had a blue mask and two similar red crescent moons on his eyes, he had yellow stripes, a blue slash which seemed to carry a katana, and pouches. He seemed nervous holding up his arms and attempted to smile and seem relaxed. Of course Mikey was easily able to see through it as his eyes burned into the other turtle.

“Who are you? Why do you look like me? What are you doing here? Where is your leader? How long have you been a turtle?” Mikey shot off like rapid fire question after question. He was curious, confused, and extremely annoyed. Especially at himself and the stupid mistake he made.

“ So um hi there, My name is Leo and the two turtles behind me are my brothers Donnie and raph” The now named turtles Donnie and raph looked tense and reaching for their weapons but also nervous and conflicted. “Raph is our ever fierce and loving leader, been a turtle since the day I was born and fabulous, andwethinkyoumightbeourlonglostdeadbrotherbecauseyoulooklikeamutantturtle” Leo rushed out quickly.

Mikey looked at him with a puzzling and disbelieving look, still holding the kunai to his neck. “Drop all of your weapons unless you want your brother to be killed” Mikey instructed as he himself took Leo’s sword and threw it behind him as well as checked the - was that gummy’s in his pouch? Why is there? Never mind Mikey thought as he searched the rest of the pockets. He found more snacks, some kunai, and some shuriken and threw the weapons behind him. The brothers behind Leo looked tense and angry waiting for more instructions and Leo still looked nervous.

“ I’m going to put away my kunai and you are going to walk back slowly towards your brothers, your gonna stand in front of me and explain what the hell you said”. Leo looked nervous as his brothers nodded behind him. As promised Mikey slowly lifted away the kunai from Leo’s neck but still held it in his hand if it’s needed. Leo backed up quickly towards his brothers as the purple one put his hand on his shoulder and the red stepped a little forward in front of him.

“As my fellow brother here expressed we believe your our long lost brother who died in the fire our father saved us from we’ve been looking for you ever since blah blah blah rejoice! We found you” Donatello (?) Responded voice dripping with sarcasm -maybe?sorta? Mikey honestly couldn’t tell.

“ Yaaaaaa no, I was raised by my da- my master Baron Draxum who mutated me and saved my life from an evil rat master who is his sworn enemy and destroyed my other 3 mutant turtle brothers”. Mikey replied with disbelief as his stance was very tense and very awa- “wait... where’d the human go? Bring them out in 3 seconds or there will-

As if on time the human who had seemingly disappeared reappeared from the largest turtle raph holding a baseball bat and phone which they then gently put on the ground looking sheepish while doing so.

“ I should kill you for that pathetic attempt at a surprise attack but it wouldn’t be very nice to kill strangers who claimed to be my dead brothers and I need answers to my questions which only you can give” Mikey said cunningly and face expressing mischief. “ Starting off as to why are you working with a disgusting human? Are they mind controlling you? Or have black mail”. Mikey wouldn’t be surprised if the human was, he’d dealt within many situations described as such in his line of work.

“EXCUSE ME?!?! Who are you calling a disgusting human? Mr. green emo ninja turtle! Your even worst than donn- HEY! I’ll have you know I am not an emo turtle I’m a bad boy tech savvy genius” the brother interrupted continuing to ramble and argue with the human. Mikey could quickly feel a headache coming on and became more frustrated at still not having received answers.

“ENOUGH! Idk who you are! Why your claiming to be my dead brothers! Or why you here! So answer me quickly and efficiently or so help me I’ll will kill all of you and leave no trace of your body’s! Understand?!” Mikey could be truly as short tempered as his father if provoked enough. And he was certainly provoked.

“ Look um... what’s your name?” The red turtle questioned. He had a red mask that covered the top part of his face, bandages that covered most of his hands, and some torn red fabric similar to his mask was being used as a belt and on his elbows. He also had sais that were thrown in front of him.

“ My name is 42- Mikey, my name is Mikey. but that’s not important! If you really are my brothers how did you survive the fire or escape the rat?!” Mikey yelled at them.

“Well we didn’t escape the rat because the rat is our dad! He- We been looking for you ever since we started patrolling to save you from the evil alchemist! Our dear papa saved us from him but wasn’t able to save you so we’ve been trying to bring you back home ever since! I’m sure we can be reasonable and have you come back to the lair so he ca-“. The purple turtle said desperately and with frustration but was interrupted by Mikey holding a kunai to his throat and donnies hand still outstretched toward his arm. As Mikey looked him over he found he had a purple bandanna covering the top of his face, goggles with blue and red lenses, some elbow pads, gloves, socks (?), and what looked like a purple battle shell on his back. His arm device and bo staff (?) was behind him some feet in front of his brothers. His brothers wore the same expression like they did with Leo when he was in this position. Angry and concerned.

“Stop! I don’t care what you say but even if you are my brothers you were raised by the rat! He took you away from me, from my dad, he burnt down dads lab and forced us to rebuild! My da-.” Mikeys was interrupted by Donnie lowering his arm and punching him in the stomach. He stumbled back for a second but quickly regained his balance and took a fighting stance as the brothers did the same.

“ Look Mikey we don’t wanna hurt you! We just want you to come home! Whatever Baron told you was a lie, he kidnapped our dad to use his dna to create super soldiers to destroy humans! He wanted to use us, he’s using you! Come with us to the lair and see our dad he’ll tell you everything!” Raph exclaimed as his brothers nodded with hi. As well as the human.

“ Humans aren’t all that bad! I mean these guys are friends with me and we have fun all the time! We eat pizza together and play at the arcade and do plenty of fun stuff! Right guys?” The brothers agreed with her. His brothers. The same ones who were taken away from him by the evil rat! His fathers sworn enemy! That’s what his dad said and dad always tells the truth!... right? He does right? No he does! He wouldn’t lie to me, he wouldn’t! It must be the human? Ya the human! Ive dealt with humans who somehow got their hands on mystic things to control yokai plenty of times that must be what’s happening! Mikey was angered by his conclusion and zoned in on the human burning his eyes into hers.

“YOU, YOUR CONTROLLING THEM ARENT YOU?!?! LET MY BROTHERS GO!!!” Mikey roared at the vile human in front of him as they had the fuckin decency to play innocent, this is what his dad taught him! Humans are cruel, every single one just like the foot clan! Mikey begun barreling towards the human and threw a kunai aimed to kill.

CLANG

The kunai fell to the ground as it was blocked by Leo’s katana. He wore a furious expression as his eyes seemed to burn bright with fury. All the brothers had reclaimed their weapons and were now standing in front of the human and were prepared for mikeys attack. Mikey took out his tento and begun to fight leo.

“APRIL YOU MIGHT WANNA GET AWAY FROM OUR APPARENTLY REALLY MURDERY BROTHERRRRR!!” Leo exclaims as Mikey lassos him behind him with his kusari fundo. Then raph dives towards Mikey trying to catch him but Mikey jumps out of the way and unfortunately towards Donnie. Donnie than tries throwing a device onto him but Mikey dodged as the device explodes into a protective shield which entraps raph.

“Sorry raph!, Mikey please we don’t wanna fight you! We just want to get both sides of the story, you said your dad raised you right? That he saved you? Well our dad saved us! Did your dad ever explain what happened? Why Lou Jitsu attacked him?!”. Donnie questioned as he blocked an attack from Mikey with his bo staff.

“I don’t wanna hurt you either! But that human is controlling you with mystic magic to do her bidding! SO JUST MOVE OUT OF THE WAY SO I CAN GET TO HER!” Mikey screamed as he lunged again towards the human. Again Donnie got in his way and tried a second time to throw a capsule onto him but Mikey dodged again and soon it was a repeated process as Mikey zig zagged towards Donnie and April coming closer and closer with each failed attempt. Mikey then jumped upwards and threw shuriken at the human but Donnie got in the way again and-

SLASH!

Donnie grit his teeth and held back a scream as the shuriken pierced his shoulder. Mikey landed down and showed remorse only for a second before returning to his cold and steely gaze.

“Why are you controlling my brothers? Now he’s hurt because of you!” Mikey exclaimed with fury.

“IM NOT CONTROLLING ANYONE!!! Donnie are you ok?!” April questioned. “I’m fine tis but a scratch. HEY! Jokes are my thing!” Donnie replied as Leo interrupted. He had recovered although his arm was hanging limply as Leo held it tight. A gash was on his head spilling blood as well.

“Mikey! Please just come with us and pops can explain everything! None of us are being controlled all we want is for you to come home!” Leo yelled at him his voice showing pure honesty and desperation.

Mikey was confused and he was scared. He was angry. Extremely angry but Leo- Leo was calm and sounded honest. He didn’t know what to do.

“I-I want to believe th- AHHHHHHHHH!!!” Mikey screamed in pain and fell to his knees holding his head. Face contorted in overwhelming pain.

“MIKEY!!!” All of them yelled, concerned for their baby brother.

Suddenly a blue portal opened up beneath Mikey and he fell through and then it closed just as quickly.Mikey is gone. Gone again just after they found him.Pure silence enveloped all of them. All with their own thoughts and questions.

“What the hell just happened?” Asked April putting out all of their collective thought.

[dripkingpetey]

love-e.pettersson

ive been working on this for a few days and im kinda proud of it! would love some feedback from you or requests for other story lines, i promise i’ll stop doing the friends to lovers storylines haha. i also accidentally deleted this and i was so sacred i couldnt get it back but here it is! i hope you enjoy.

*lowercase intended!*

2.2k words

he loves you, you know that right?

“why did you drag me here, i really don’t like hockey and you know that.” you said as you sighed to your bestfriend lucie while she pulls you down to your seats in rogers arena. 

“i know you don’t.” lucie said with a bright smile on her face. “but, you’re gonna learn to like it.” you look at her in confusion. “so, this is your way of torturing me as if you don’t already torture me enough by bringing me to parties.” you said while sitting down and looking at the players who are starting to get on the ice. “maybe.” lucie said with a wide grin and a mischievous look on her face before puck drop starts.

you’ve never been big on hockey, which is surprising considering you have lived in vancouver your whole life and your family is super big hockey fans. you also aren't the most extroverted person. sure, you’d go out to bars sometimes but mostly just with your close friends.

“what part of this sport do you even like?” you said as the game is going into the third period the canucks are now up 4-1 against the opposing team which you don’t even really know who they are. “well, if I’m being honest some of them are really hot but mostly cause of the sport.” you scoffed at her response. “none of them are hot from where i can see.” lucie looked at you with a shocked look. “oh you’ll get it once you get to know the players more.” you give her a confused look and put your full attention back to the game.

-

canucks ended up winning the game 5-2, lucie was very happy about it and you could tell cause she wanted to go out for a couple drinks and you didn’t want to say no so you agreed to go.

you had been at the bar for about twenty minutes and lucie was already gone which isn’t surprising, she was probably sleeping with some guy right now.

you started to panic a little when a creepy old dude came up to you and started hitting on you. “hey pretty girl, want to come home with me?” he started putting his hand on your arm which was resting on the table. you look around for lucie in panic but she’s no where to be found. 

you then feel a pair of arms sneak around your waist and you get even more freaked out. 

“hey babe, sorry i was gone for so long.” elias says to you with a smile but then proceeds to give the creepy dude the alien death stare which worked. after the dude leaves elias faces you and starts speaking. “sorry i touched you like that, it looked like you were alone and that guy was creeping you out so i thought you could use some help.” he shoots an apologetic smile at you. 

“its okay,” you give him a smile back. “thank you a lot actually, i have no idea where my friend went.” you take another look around the bar before looking back and him. 

“i’m elias by the way.” he smiles at you while holding his hand out for you to shake it. “y/n.” you say before shaking his hand. 

“so elias, what are you doing in this bar on a thursday night?” you gesture for him to sit down next to you. “if i told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” elias lets out a soft laugh while sitting down across from you. “tell me, i wanna know.” elias sighs lightly before he starts speaking again. “i’m with them,” he gestures over to brock, jake, quinn, thatcher and troy. you look over to see them all waving at you and laughing at elias, you laugh softly and wave back at the before turning your attention back to elias. “ah, so i’m guessing you’re on the canucks?”

elias lets out a nervous laugh. “yeah, why don’t we go somewhere else where the boys aren’t up my ass?” you take another sip out of your drink. “i would love to.” he holds out his hand for you and as you guys walk out you can hear the guys chirping, but when you look over to elias you can see him giving the death stare to the boys and it makes you laugh. “you have a scary death stare jeez.” elias leads you to his car. “that’s surprisingly what the fans love me for.” he smiles at you before opening the car 

door for you.

-

“…and that’s all what led me to being on the canucks.” elias said to you while eating a chip out of the chip bowl you had prepared. it had been a couple hours since you guys left the bar and went back to your apartment, you don’t know why but it felt like you and elias had such a strong bond already that you both felt like you can talk for hours and hours and never get tired of each other, he felt the same way too. “jeez, i kinda sound like a douche. i’ve been talking about myself all night, please tell me more about you.” elias said to you while you laughed at his words. 

“it’s all good, i’ve been the one asking questions anyways.” you smiled while responding to him. “no seriously, tell me something about you before i have to go which i really don’t want to by the way.” 

you look at the time and realize its almost twelve am so you proceed to give him a quick response. “well, i’ve lived in vancouver my whole life. and i’m currently going to ubc as a nursing student.” you smiled at his now very amused face. 

“see, that’s something i wouldn’t have known if you didn’t say it,” he laughs a little before he finishes his sentence. “can i get your number? i have practice early tomorrow morning but i’m free for the rest of the day if you want to hang out.” 

you smile at his words and take his phone from him. “of course you can, i’m free tomorrow too just give me a call.” you said while handing his phone back to him after you’ve entered your number. elias gives you a wide grin and you both get up so you could walk him to the door. “goodnight elias.” you look up at him with a smile as he’s standing in the doorway. “goodnight y/n, sweet dreams.” he said and then started to walk down the hallway towards the elevator. “pettersson!” you called out at him and he turns around confused. “text me when you get home.” he gives you the thumbs up and you close your door and head to bed. 

no ones ever shown this much attention to elias before, at least no one he’s truly cared about. 

he smiled to himself on his drive home cause he was excited to text you again.

*contact name changed to “y/n<3”* 

text message to y/n<3:i just got home, thank you for the awesome night :).

-

it’s been a couple weeks since you and elias had met at the bar, you basically hung out with each other anytime you could. 

you were each others best friends at this point, sure the guys would make fun of elias for being in love with you but you couldn’t see it, elias knows he has some feelings for you but he wasn’t sure about it yet. he also didn’t want to risk the amazing friendship you guys had started.

“hey, are you coming to the game tonight?” elias asked over the phone to you.

you let out a sigh before you start speaking. “i’ll try, schools been really hard lately but i should be able to finish studying tonight.” elias could hear the tiredness in you voice and it hurt him to see you like this. “y/n, its okay. you don’t have to try and make it, focus on school its way important. you have many more games of mine that you can watch.” he left out a soft chuckle at the end of his sentence. 

“i’ll still try though, i’ll give you a text if i can make it.” you said to him as you looked at the last large text book you had to read through and look at the giant pile of coffee cups surrounding your desk. 

“okay, love you, i gotta go.” “love you too e, good luck.” you both quickly exchanged goodbyes as you started reading your last text book. you knew there was no way you were going to be able to make it to his game tonight and you felt really bad, you sighed it off as you put your attention back to studying and occasionally looking at the canucks game that was now playing on your tv.

-

the game had ended, canucks lost by one but petey is a sore loser so obviously he was sad, which made him show up at your apartment, he brought pizza from your favourite place downtown.

you were passed out on the couch though, which resulted in elias having to pull out his spare key and sneaking into your apartment.

“elias?” you mumbled out as you felt him sit next to where you were laying on the couch, he motioned for you to lay you head on his lap and you did.

“hey sleepy girl, i brought our favourite pizza.” he said to you with a smile. no matter how bad of a day elias was having, you could always make him smile.

you positioned your head so you’re now facing up at him and you give him a big smile. “thank you, can we snuggle and watch a movie?” elias starts rubbing your cheek softly. “of course we can y/n.”

the night ended with you and elias falling asleep on the couch together while watching a movie he had picked out, you both forgot about all the stress from today and just enjoyed the moment.

-

“he loves you, you know that right?” brock said to you as he came by and sat next to you.

it was the start of summer, tanev decided to host a little barbecue for the whole team before everyone left vancouver and went back to their home towns for the summer.

you were sitting in the backyard watching elias talk to huggy. “what?” you said to brock with confusion. “no he doesn’t.”

brock scoffed at your response. “dude, you can’t be serious. how do you not see it.”

you thought about what brock said for awhile before you gave him a response. “does he talk about me?” you looked at brock while taking a sip of your drink. 

“does he talk about you? of course he fucking does y/n, all the time. especially when you don’t show up to our games, it’s worse when we’re on the road.” 

you smile to yourself at what brock said.

-

you were quite tipsy by the end of the night and elias didn’t want to let you go home alone, so you spent the night at his place.

“elias?” you said in your sweet drunken tone as you both settled into his bed, and you faced your body in his direction. 

“yes?” he said while playing with your hair softly. 

“brock said something to me earlier,” you said while pulling your body close to his.

 “of course he did,” he said with a sigh. “what’d he say this time?” 

“apparently you talk about me a lot?” you said with a soft laugh and your fingers now tracing up and down his back.

“yeah, yeah i do. i talk shit about you all the time.” he says sarcastically knowing where this conversation was going.

“hey!” you said as you playfully punched him. “i was going to do something but i guess not anymore.” you said with a huff.

he lifts your chin up to face him. before you knew it you guys were kissing each other, it was a soft, long and sweet kiss.

elias pulled away with a big grin on his face and you did too. you talked to each other for the rest of the night, you ended up falling asleep before elias did but he did too shortly after.

you woke up to the smell of elias making waffles, you hugged him from behind and he didn’t even notice you were awake until you did that.

“it smells really good,” you said to elias before kissing his cheek and begging for him to hug you. 

he pulls you into his grip and whispers in your ear. “do you wanna go to sweden with me for the summer?”

you look up at him with slight shock. “yeah, why not.” you said to him with a smile and he gets very excited and spins you around, you kiss for awhile until you smell something burning and you pull away.

“shit.” elias mumbles as he deals with the burnt waffles and you’re both laughing your asses off.

[iridescentides]

i watched the ep twice bc i didnt take notes the first time BUT. hsmtmts 2.04 thoughts under the cut

gina first. my favorite part of the episode was when she admitted that she feels out of place living in someone else’s house and that she wanted a bigger part in the play. i was SO worried they were gonna just let her happily sideline herself in a “yay she learned her lesson about not being the center of attention” kind of way bc i would not be able to handle that two seasons in a row. let her be angry!!! she has a lot to be upset about

the gina/carlos conflict was awful bc theyre making carlos unreasonably annoying this season. last season he was nice, he was enthusiastic, not competitive and just rooting for other people. idk why they needed to flip him so drastically to being spoiled, rich, selfish, pushy, and bitchy. and on top of that i have not been vibing with the pieces of dialogue theyve been giving him this season just to score woke points. its so unbearably obvious that even though hes a brown gay character, he was written by a white gay person who thought, on some level, that he was giving the gen z kids the #hashtag representation they wanted. his delivery of every line that screams “remember, im mexican” is so awkward, it doesnt land well, and im begging them to stop. they want so badly to commodify his character and parade him around as a “look how diverse our show is!” thing and im so so sick of it bc you can tell, with all the surface-level pieces of dialogue, that they dont actually care at all

(”look around, theres not a lot of me at this school” we GET it, this show wants to be glee so bad)

im honestly starting to slowly ship rina less and less. in season one i loved seeing someone make gina happy, especially since she had no friends before opening up to ricky. but now its just a whole mess and i wish she would love herself a lil more to realize that its not worth all this stress. he made a choice and no amount of conflicted moments of eye contact is going to fully take that back. im not necessarily against love triangle plots, but i HATE the whole “women wait around hopefully while male character, whose decisions have already hurt multiple people, makes up his mind” bullshit

that being said, gina handled the situation like a CHAMP, im dying over how quickly she was able to mask her pain and make the joke about the twix bar. im love her

we were absolutely ROBBED of an ej/big red performance this episode!!! i am at my LIMIT we better get gaston next week or i will riot

on the ej train, him not getting into duke was extremely predictable. we all kinda saw that coming and knew that would be his main point of growth this season. im glad they didnt wait super long to do it. now please @ writers i am BEGGING you to give my man more screen time than one scene per episode

its very odd that they keep making mr mazzara have emotionally tough conversations with the students. i will do a parallel gifset of those once the season ends. i liked his convo with ej for the most part, but he really didnt have to beat him over the head with the “youre an emotionless robot” thing again. its clear ej is gonna throw himself into av club or whatever (even though at the end of last season that was supposed to be big red?) and discover that he has a lot going for him. because he does, he literally has everything going for him, thats why they had to make his “problem” not knowing himself. bisexual ej caswell ftw

i love the parallels between ej and nini this episode? i think since the beginning ive felt that there was a lot about them under the surface that was similar. it was interesting seeing ej tell nini about duke first, instead of the obvious choice of ashlyn. i wouldve loved to see how that scene wouldve gone with ricky, gina, carlos, or big red though bc each reaction and attempt at comforting him wouldve been so different. i didnt love that nini had to be pulled away from the conversation, but im glad they can still talk to each other after everything that went down. and i love the juxtaposition of ej’s convo with mazzara directly following nini’s convo with miss jenn bc theyre essentially the same.

speaking of, i loved miss jenn in this episode. her stories are always so funny, but i loved seeing her care so much for nini and guide her, like a teacher. i loved how she pointed out that everyone who loves nini just wants her to be happy

im glad nini is leaving yac bc there was no good way to keep that up honestly. but im pretty annoyed that they were so obvious about it? like, they immediately made it the worst place in the world without exploring it very much. the place is super unrealistic, ive never been to drama school but im sure it wouldnt be like that. no creative arts place for KIDS would be so impossibly limiting. plus the weird bluish coloring in comparison to the nice warm tones of the rest of the show was, again, a dead giveaway. why send her to the school at all if it wasnt even gonna matter?

even though im glad nini left yac, im NOT looking forward to the way miss jenn is about to bend over backwards to put her in the play somehow. she plays obvious favorites and im so annoyed

(sidenote: nini just? decided to leave yac without consulting her parents??? ummm)

granted is a very good song, one of my faves so far

ricky deciding to tell nini he wants her to stay was stupid. what did he think that would accomplish? who in their right mind would drop out of a good school for you?

i loved when nini said yac was missing something, and miss jenn said “ricky” and nini said “you.” that was so so sweet and cute

i think the kourtney/howie thing is gonna grow on me. i hate amatonormativity so im not a big fan of them introducing a whole ass character exclusively so kourtney can have a love interest, but i loved the gesture he made of bringing her the pizzas and her flashcards. i feel like kourtneys love language is acts of service, and she was literally this meme when he did that for her:

i liked seeing ashlyn try to be there emotionally for gina! i want more of them together

overall this episode was okay. not enough songs, and i wish they were spreading out the emotional conversations through the season instead of packing them all into literally one episode, but what we did get was pretty good.

after watching the preview i see that next weeks episode is gonna be about carlos’s party, and i love party episodes. BUT i hope that after that ep we finally get an advancement on the north high stuff! i dont give too many fucks about lily, but i wanna see my son asher angel

[cassyapper]

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY PLAYED TWO SESSIONS SINCE MY LAST POST SO IM GONNA COMBINE THEM HERE SORRY FOR THE LENGTH BUT,,IVE COME SO FAR I DONT WANNA STOP NOW

this is gonna be very messy cause i WILL be jumping back and forth as things come back to mind so uhh pls enjoy this absolute ramble <3

anyway. i continued playing omori and boy do i have some Thoughts

so first session; i went through the pyre(something i forgot the full name sob) forest/sprout mole village/sweetheart’s castle in one go and let me TELL YOU. DOING THAT WAS FUCKING INSANE I WENT NUTS holy shit.

so anyway.

pyre forest!!!! the lil race against the big spider coming after u for disturbing the smaller spiders mechanic was very fun i had a lot of fun figuring out the best routes to take. i know normally mechanics like that lead to ppl getting frustrated cause u have to keep retrying but i had a lot of fun!!!! sum annoyance but good natured type, th kind that just makes u try harder u know? i just enjoyed it JKFN;FN; candles in the foggy forest....now That is an aesthetic

the rare bear scared the fuckin shit out of me i remember it didn’t attack me straight away so i was like “aw (:” but then when i press x on him it takes me to a BATTLE SCREEN AND SUDDEN THAT MF IS TERRIFYING I WAS LIKE WHWHWHWHWKJDNJ. very funny i honestly wished i recorded my reaction

also omori is afraid of drowning...................................i am breathing heavily. i think whatever happened to mari is related to at least one of the things omori is scared of. so either heights, spiders, or drowning it seems. spiders doesnt seem super likely as a contributor to her death, and while falling from a height is more realistic, such a senseless way of dying doesnt seem to rlly fit ? with the vibe i get from the kiddos in the real world. which makes me think maybe drowning/otherwise suffocating is how she died...but we’ll see. also due to the forgotten library part, we know omori explicitly feared spiders/drowning before mari died so it’s also probable im jus talking out my ass here but still,,,,thoughts

also this motherfucker?

literally fucking terrifying. IT’S BODY IS MADE OF SUCC’D SPROUT MOLES...i still have no idea what exactly it was doing to them but jesus h christ!!!! evil and fucked up. do not feel bad for curbstomping it

sprout mole village!!!! very cute, im v excited to send that one dude his brother’s care package. i like how, when theyre not lost, sprout moles can be real endearing lil guys,,,theyre not my fav lil enemies but (:

also for some reason omori is the first game ive played where i really care about getting achievements ? so i literally did the back and forth on my save file just to get all the season sprout mole achievements JKDJFJ;. i ended up sticking w spring tho before moving on for real cause spring is my fav season irl (:

also i felt SO BAD for cutting down that one sprout mole’s chistmas tree he was just trying to celebrate but i wanted to see that present and coincidentally becoming a christmas ruiner was an achievement so all’s fair in love and war i suppose

ALSO. th fuckin plant monster thing under the scientist sprout mole’s room. major little shop of horror vibes from the design, absolutely adored it!!!!! originally i did  just cut the wire holding the piano over it, ending it in one go, but i was very curious abt it so i reloaded a save file to actually fight it and

i know it only spread that gas to make the kiddos happy cause being happy reduces attack i think ? it decreases attack/defense but seeing the kiddos smile so much was nice (:

however

omori...sunny....son boy.........u good ?

and now. sweetheart

the way the sprout moles completely adore and depend on sweetheart gives me such awful evil vibes and combined with such a luxurious background was fucking incredible

sweetheart herself, speaking of. bitch (sorta affectionately, certainly not derogatory)

i talked to every sprout mole in the audience before taking my seat and i literally dont know why. even when i picked up the pattern of where the unique dialogue could be found (usually the sprout moles farthest right) i still talked to all of them......just in case ? i have no idea. i dont know why i did that. i feel it’s important that i note it tho

LMAO SO WHEN SPROUT MOLE MIKE DID THE MINUTE OF SILENCE FOR YE OLD SPROUT MOLE

I LITERALLY FELT SO FUCKING BAD LMAO I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD NO!!!!!! I DID THAT!!! I KILLED HIM!!! OH MY GOD!!! I WONDER HOW AWKWARD OMORI KEL HERO AND AUBREY FELT IN THE AUDIENCE HOLY SHIT THEY HAD FRONT ROW SEATS TO SPROUT MOLE MIKE’S MOURNING!!! MY GOD FJKFN;;

also sprout mole mike describing 3′7″ inches as ”towering” was the FUNNIEST shit i have ever seen. also i have to wonder, since sweetheart made up the whole show of sweetheart’s quest for hearts in the first place, if she was seriously down to marry a sprout mole if one suited her fancy. jus v funny to me honestly. SPEAKING of sweetheart’s dating patterns I NOTICED THOSE FEM SKELETONS IN THE DUNGEON!!!!! BI SWEETHEART!!!! SHE’S JUST AS DOWN FOR GIRLS AS SHE IS BOYS

i know TECHNICALLY not everyone is in the dungeon for failing to be a good enough suitor but STILL...COME ON. THIS WAS BEFORE WE KNEW THAT. SWEETHEART BI I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

anyway

when the lights when out and lightning struck the third contestant, i knew Immediately something was gonna go down. and when the mustache sprout mole was like “oh yes!! u!! in the striped pjs!! u absolute beast ur perfect!!!” i KNEW hero had just been selected as the replacement i was goign completely fucking nuts i was like OH MY GODNFNG; HIS HEART IS ALREADY TAKEN BY MARI!!!!!!! STOP

i ended up taking so many screenshots during this part cause i was going feral so here take a glance just cause i love, uh, hero

OUR HERO IN SHINING ARMOR DJLBH;KFJB

also GOD FUCKING DAMMIT IM SHORTER THAN HERO

hero shaking on the stage when he was introduced...oh my HEART....IM SO FOND FOR THIS BOY WTF!!!!! DKJDN;N

this is not really NEWS to me since it’s implied hero is tall but like come ON..... sorry just every time i find out a character is explicitly taller than me i need to huff about it, moving on,

HERO FUCKS

sorry i just have so many screenshorts during this aprt cause i was going fucking crazy but

literally terrifying! sweetheart bathes in that shit!! christ!

is blood good for ur skin? i imagine, so long as like...gore isnt in it and it’s solely blood it cant be BAD necessarily......but good ? regardless very fucked up. besides the fact that well, uh, BLOOD, blood is also sticky as hell. ur telling me sweetheart willinglhy bathed in that shit? disgusting. at least thin it out

anyway I HAD SO MUCH FUN DOING THE PUZZLES AT SWEETHEART’S CASTLE....FROM THE DUNGEONS TO THE KITCHENS TO THE BALLROOM TO THE LIBRARY TO THE GARDENS JUST EVERYTHING!!!! IT WAS SO FUN I ENJOYED FIGURING IT OUT SO MUCH IT WAS LITERALLY DELIGHTFUL...I LOVE THIS GAME SO MUCH THE GAMEPLAY IS SO FUCKING EPIC I LITERALLY HAVE SO MUJCH FUN.......OH MY GOD I JUST. INCREIDBLE!!!! FUCK

also the lil sir maximus bit.........i honestly felt really awful over having to kill them ): i think i even tried running once but it wouldnt let me...it hurt man ): they were just a family....

um but anyway,

i think it was rlly sweet how aubrey protested to the wedding cause she was worried abt sweetheart,,,like i cant rlly explain it idk how to put it into words,,like sweetheart is clearly not mentally well and having an episode, and aubrey being the only one to say “hey what ur doing is self-destructive and isolating” just mmmh. she cares a lot,,,and *i* care aubrey

also sweetheart’s battle theme fucking SLAPPED...SO GODDAMN HARD IM STILL QUAKING OVER IT....FUCKING BANGER YO!!!!!! INCREDIBLE

ah but alas

BASIL........I NOTICED THAT IT WAS HIS GHOST/SHADOW DURING THE EXIT FROM OTHERWORLD AS WELL BUT JUST FUCK

im so worried about basil ):

and it being so obvious that none of the others can see...........them asking omori if he’s okay.....oh my god. i go nuts

and then...the forgotten library part

i literally cried, again, oh my fucking god

these kids loved each other so much they ADORED the time they spent with each other and im QUAKING to know WHAT HAPPENED TO MARI......HOW DID THE FALLOUT GO. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

i know there are multiple endings to this game and on god i am not QUITTING until i get the happiest ending there is for these kids im literally a goddamn fuckign mess oh my god

MARI SHWOING UP IN THE LIBRARY AT ONE POINT AND LEADING OMORI...........IM LTIERALLY GOIGN INSANE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE LOVED HIS SISTER SO MUCH HE’S SO CLEARLY LOST WITHOUT HER I CANT FUCKING DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW I NEED TO KNOW

GOD

okay sorry i just. ive said ti before but the grief in this game is so real and palpable and it aches, it aches so bad. also the white egret orchids in the library...i see u

but regardless.... session two real world electric boogaloo

LOVE that kel is like “so i need to run errands but u wanna come with me right? of course u do!” like fuck i rlly do. kel is just so delightful i would literally do anything to spend time with him

ALSO i noticed u can just refuse to open the door both times kel’s knocked now and it makes me wonder....if u could choose to ignore kel ? and then venture out urself or just ? i wonder what would even happen if u chose to not open the door. im CERTAINLY not doing it myself at the very least not this playthrough but i am curious...i bet that’s how u get a bad ending, by not talking w kel

but anyway....

aubrey and her gang not saying anything in the pizza parlor........i jus think abt that is all

ALSO!! pet rocks!!!!!!!!! LOVE this lil thing it’s so cute. jus rock paper scissors it babey

speaking of lil bits, love all the mini quests in the real world...it’s just rlly fun and builds up this cute lil town........it also makes me think that whatever happened to mari cant have been anything except an accident, bc no one comments on what a tragedy it was to omori. like if it was murder, there’s no way such a horrific situation wouldnt engulf the town for a bit and sweep over it for weeks at least, but that just doesnt seem to have happened. this is def me reading too into it tho;; point is neighbors nice (: also i got the seashell necklace and i go apeshit

ALSO......THE FUCKING...........CHURCH. I VISITED WITH KEL ON A COMPLETE WHIM CAUSE I WAS CURIOUS IF THE PASTOR WOULD TALK MORE ABT AUBREY BUT NO. INSTEAD HE TALKS ABT THE WEIRD VIBE FORM THE GRAVEYARD HE’S GETTING!!! AND THE DUDE WHO CHILLS IN THE GRAVEYARD SAYS SHIT ABT THE SPIRITS GETTING READY FOR SOMEONE TO JOIN THEM!!!! BITCH WAHT THE FUCK

THERE’S NOF UCKING WAY THIS ISNT ABOUT BASIL. THERE IS NO!!! WAY!!!! I SWEAR ON GOD IF BASIL DIES I WILL LOSE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ESP CAUSE THERE IS LITERALLY NO OTHER WAY HE COULD DIE EXCEPT SUICIDE THAT’S WHAT IT HAS BEEN IMPLYING OVER AND OVER I GO NUTS I GO APESHIT NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK

OKAY SORRY I JUST. HHHHHHHHHHH

baby has acquired baby

kel’s family is rlly cute,,,,v heartwarming. i trust them

i do worry abt like...the stark difference between recognizing kel’s accomplishments and hero’s...i just idk. i just keep thinking abt that bit in kel’s story abt hero’s depression when his parents focused on hero and ignored him, and i just. kel’s family is good People but i worry if kel has a good support system...i jus........): i am watching

ahh THE BASIL MISSING PART MADE MY HEART LITERALLY FUCKING DROP..I WAS SO FUCKING PANICKED I WAS LIKE OH MY GOD THIS IS IT BASIL IS DEAD

THANKFULLY HE WASNT BUT HOLY GOD HOW THAT WHOLE SITUATION PANNED OUT MADE ME GO NUTS!!!!!!! BASIL...AUBREY...HER GANG.......FUCK OH M YOGD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

THANK G O D I SNOOPED AROUND KEL’S HOUSE BEFORE LEAVING I WOULD HAVE H A T E D TO FIGHT THEM ALL AT ONCE IM GLAD I WAS ABLE TO JUST PEPPER SPRAY THEM JESUS CHRIST

oh my god kim like asking for aubrey all concerned before deciding to trust her and leaving.....kim i diagnose u with lesbain

the whole fucking. basil almost drowning scene. i seriously feel like ive changed like as a person over it. i am thinking . i am thinking. i am only evee thinking about mari and how omori just loved her so much and how the thought of her gave him strength. th pic of her ghost holding omori’s hand in the water made me cry

MMMM BUT. HERO!!!

I DIE I DIE I DIE HE’S SO PRETTY FUCK ALSO HIM PICKING UP BASIL WOOOOOOOO THIS IS WHAT IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THAT’S WHAT IT’S ALL ABOUT YEAHHHHHHHH

god i feel so bad about leaving aubrey tho. shes so clearly not okay and she so clearly did not mean to push basil in and oh my GOD I JUST...PLEASE....PLEASE CAN WE JUST TLAK TO HER I NEED TO TLAK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO FUCK

the ghosts of omori and aubrey on the swings made me cry out like i had been physically assaulted

AHH BUT THEN TAKING BASIL HOME AND WHILE HE’S IN HIS BED HE JUST SAYS “oh sunny...there’s not way out of this...is there?” I LITERALLY GO BUCKWILD APESHIT INSANE STUPDI!!!!!! BASIL YOURE PUTTING UP A LOT OF ALARMING FLAGS HERE!!! PLEASE DO NOT FUCKING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK. CHRIST. HELL. SHIT. THIS GAME IS DRIVING ME FUCKING CRAZY

GOD

oh my god but the day ending with hero and kel sleeping over at omori’s house...im kdnd im jkdim im not uhm okay THEY BUILT A BLANKET FORT PLEASE..I LOVE THEM

goddd hero going into the piano room....playing sum........and then asking omori abt the song he and mari used to play on violin...and then THE TITLE SCREEN MUSIC STARTS PLAYING....HI. HI HELLO HI YOU CANT FUCKIGN DO THAT HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK YOUFBJFGJNGN;EJNE; IM GOIGN NUTS

also the name omori comes from the piano.............interesting...i wonder why sunny likes being called omori in the dreamscape...

god but omori not having a srs hallucination cause he’s w his friends and he feels safe...im gonna sob

However. i did glance into the bathroom mirror. AND INSTEAD OF THE EYE MF IT’S A DISTORTED AS HELL GHOST MARI???IM SO FUCKIGN SCARED. IM SO SCARED. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK? CREEPY AS HELL!!!

ohh my god this GAME

so finally i ended up in whitespace again. do NOT like that omori is completely alone in the world!!! what the FUCK!!!!!!!! I AM SO SCARED AT ALL TIMES. im literally about to go play sum more tho after dinner so i will see what happens. god i jsut......this game is so fucking good it has me by the balls dude. SO glad i decided to play it bruh

anyway thanks for reading all of this if u did, it’s an absolute monster ik and ur a real one

[iwasntplanningonlikingkpop]

Thank you for tagging me @shyirefly !!! 💚

name / nickname:

TT

pronouns:

she/her

star sign:

Capricorn

height:

5'5

time:

10:26 pm

when is your birthday:

December 23rd

nationality:

American

favorite band / groups:

For Kpop: Got7, Loona, NCT, EXO, Twice, Dreamcatcher, Wanna One, BTS

For non-Kpop: Arctic Monkeys, Vampire Weekend, Two Door Cinema Club, Glass Animals, Mystery Jets, Arcade Fire

favorite solo artists:

Kpop: Sunmi, Lim Kim

Non-kpop: Mitski, Phoebe Bridgers, Julia Jacklin, Japanese Breakfast, Declan McKenna

song stuck in your head:

I'm listening to it rn, thats the only reason its stuck in my head right now but it's Jackson Wang LMLY

last movie you watched:

I think it was Kiki's Delivery Service, I dont watch movies frequently but its the last one i remember watching

last show you binged:

Currently I've been binging The Crown

when you created your blog:

This blog was made the summer of 2016

last thing you googled:

It was about covid

other blogs:

My main blog is @potter-inthe-tardis ,I also have like 3 other abandoned side blogs.

why i chose my url:

Because liking kpop felt outside of my normal music interest, just compare it to the nonkpop bands i previously mentioned, like that was my main interest so this was unexpected, hence I wasnt planning on liking kpop!

how many people are you following:

Over a thousand people, but bare in mind, ive been on tumblr a long time, and i run 2 very different blogs, and when i started here i was quick to follow people.

how many followers do you have:

On this blog, almost 300

average hours of sleep:

Who knows, probably both too many and not enough

lucky number:

11

instruments:

Guitar

what am i currently wearing:

Clothes, um black sweatpants, and a blue hoodie

dream job:

Idk, maybe something behind the scenes on tv shows, or something with music, maybe working on the radio, i really dont know anymore :/

dream trip:

I have a lot of dream trips, like to go to South Korea, Australia, Germany, Austria, I've been really into Sweden of recent. Inside the US I really wanna go to New York City. And ive been their before, but i really really wanna go to Venice and London again!

favorite food:

Pizza, Sushi, Japchae, Cake

favorite song:

That's a hard question I like a lot of songs, at the moment the songs ive been really into are, Jackson Wang - LMLY, Youha - Abittipsy, Inhaler - My Honest Face, and The Neighbourhood - Stargazing!

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in:

The wizarding world of Harry Potter, and that's it, I cant think of any other fictional world i'd want to live in as much!

Thank you again for tagging me, im tagging: @aaliyah421 @thatadorkablegirl @bbhsbootycall @atinybang @arzehh @beomieotter @backtodaydreams @smoltrashcanfuk

[muwur]

idk if this counts as an emergency or comfort request but ive been havin a REAL bad body image week nsnnnsnnnsnn could i maybe request headcanons for either oikawa or kuroo (u can pick if u wanna) with an s/o who is rlly self conscious about being chubby/has a really hard time with food and mayb feels like worthless because theyre not the ideal body type? idk sorry if thats dumb aaaah thank u sm if u choose to do this

self-love

♡ scenarios ♡ for oikawa and kuroo

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.7k words

a/n: hey hun, im sorry to hear you’ve been having a rough time lately. this kind of request actually rlly hits close to home, and if u ever need anything, ur mor than welcome to reach out to me :) i can also help look for resources for help, anything really. this goes for all y’all! i dont want none y’all to feel alone with anything ur going thru cuz we’re in this together! and no need to thank me, the pleasure is mine luv 🥰💕 nothing about this is dumb, ur feelings are valid. i hope this will bring you n many others some comfort. also,, FUCK BODY STANDARDS MAKIN US BELIEVE THERE’S AN IDEAL TYPE BC THERE IS NONE N Y’ALL R BEAUTIFUL N IF U DUN THINK SO I WILL COME OVER DER,,, ok im done 🥰🥰 (more notes at the bottom of this, i talk a lot n think its important, didnt wanna add it up here bc it was too long lolol) tw: mentions of bad body and implies disordered eating behaviors

 oikawa

♡ Oikawa was pretty keen, so when he observed a gradual shift in your behavior, he definitely took notice

♡ One day when you showed up to lunchtime empty-handed and sat with your two friends, casually chatting, Oikawa and Iwaizumi gave you a questioning look

♡ “Where’s your lunch, y/n?” Oikawa asked

♡ “Oh, I, uh, ate it already, actually.”

♡ Iwaizumi raised an eyebrow and offered you some of his, but you declined, thanking him and stating you were already full

♡ Later that day in class, however, Oikawa couldn’t help but notice the absence of your boxed lunch container in your unzipped backpack

♡ The next day, you came empty-handed again, blaming it on your forgetfulness during your rush to get to school

♡ However, it became a normal occurrence over time, and while you seemed fine, uneasiness began to prick inside Oikawa’s stomach

♡ Those smiles you wore appeared fragile, and the laughter that rumbled from your throat felt restrained

♡ You seemed more tired and unfocused than usual

♡ Preoccupied, withdrawn, and distant

♡ He could sense something was bothering you, no matter how much you may (or may not) have tried to hide it

♡ On his way to school one morning, he made sure to stop by a convenience store to pick one of your favorite snacks, thinking it was a simple gesture to brighten up the somber aura he’s been detecting from you

♡ “I have a surprise for you, y/n~” Oikawa announced with excitement, rummaging through his bag to pull out the snack and show it to you. “Look, it’s your favorite!”

♡ You could only offer him an uneasy smile, “Oh, you shouldn’t have...” You really shouldn’t have...

♡ When he noticed the tension in your body and expression, a frown appeared on his lips

♡ “Y/n? Is something wrong?” He reached out to place a comforting hand on your shoulder but you swiftly flinched away

♡ ”I’m fine..!”

♡ Surprised at your sudden movement and outburst, you both felt a split second of apprehension crackle in the air before you started to gather your items in a rush

♡ Sighing, you repeated, “I’m fine.”

♡ He wasn’t sure whether you were speaking to him or yourself

♡ “Thanks for the snack, but I’ll pass. Have it for me. You need it more, anyways; you have volleyball practice. I’ll see you tomorrow, Oikawa,” you offered him a solemn smile and left before he could even reply

♡ Some time had passed before he could finally get you to open up to him

♡ And when you did, it crushed his heart to see how much your insecurities broke you

♡ It hurt to hear how low you thought about yourself; how you couldn’t see the beauty in your being; how you deemed food, your body, and yourself as your worst enemies

♡ Thus bringing you to the conclusion that maybe you’d be happy and like yourself if you could just give up that midday snack or your school lunch

♡ Even raincheck a cafe date you were supposed to have together

♡ Maybe also skip dinner, sometimes breakfast the next morning as well

♡ You could manage on just water

♡ Little sacrifices to shed some weight, feel better, and get closer to your ideal body goals

♡ You admitted, however, to questioning whether any of it was worth it

♡ The constant states of hunger, pain, and defeat you lived in

♡ Only to feel as though you were getting nowhere

♡ Oikawa was well aware of today’s beauty standards. I mean, he himself was often praised for his natural charm and beauty

♡ And you felt you could never reach that ideal

♡ “Oikawa, you’re too good for me.”

♡ His eyebrows knitted in concern as he lifted his right hand to caress your cheek softly. “And why do you say that?”

♡ Tears threatened to prick at your eyes. All you could was stare at the ground in silent shame

♡ When you still said nothing, he leaned in closer, his brown gaze softly pleading

♡ “Y/n, look at me.”

♡ When your eyes flickered up to meet his own, Oikawa asked, “You know I love you, right?”

♡ His question was met with a meek, “Yes.”

♡ From your clouded glaze, he could tell that you had a hard time believing in your own response

♡  “Do you know why?”

♡ But before you could respond, he was already answering his own question

♡ “Well...” he began, glancing up in thought and wearing a small smile

♡ “Something about you makes me want to be by your side. I love to see your smiles and hear your laughter, but I always want to be there to hold you when you’re crying and in pain.”

♡ “You’re supportive. You understand what I need, and I don’t always have to explain myself to you. You take your time with me and make me feel like I can be myself. Not many people have stuck around to actually get to know me. Because of that, you’ve never failed to make my day a little better with just your presence.”

♡ “You’re strong and caring. I can rely on you to have my back, and I hope I provide that same comfort to you as well.”

♡ “I love being able to lazy around with you or go on adventures and discover something new. It’s comfortable and exciting at the same time.”

♡ “Your hands feel like they were made to hold mine.”

♡ He reached down to squeeze your hand gently

♡ “Kissing you makes me forget about everything else on my mind. I can just live in the present with you.”

♡ He moved close and gave you a peck above your eyebrow

♡ “You make me want to work hard and be a better person. You help motivate me to try my best, and you never give up on me. Why would I ever give up on you?”

♡  “I learn something new with you everyday. Like right now, I realize that I’ve never met someone who could so easily make my heart race as they could make my heart break.”

♡ “When I look at you, all I can think about is how beautiful you are and how lucky I am to have you in my life as a partner and one of my best friends. Nobody else could fill the gaps within me the same way you do.”

♡ Leaning over to brush his lips against your forehead, he muttered, “I’m going to love every part of you, inside and out. You’re already my ideal. I couldn’t ask for anything more. I could go on about every detail on why I feel so strongly for you, but I’m here to show you everything there is to appreciate about yourself because you’re worth every ounce of care and effort. And if you can’t see it in yourself right now, I’ll love you more than enough for the both of us until you learn to love yourself. I’m here to help.”

♡ And after crying out your tears into his shoulder as he held you close and rubbed your back, you both went to his house to relax and have some dinner

♡ He was patient with you, taking into account how having a meal may have made you feel anxious

♡ It was something small and simple that you two agreed to prepare and share, after some tender coaxing from Oikawa

♡ He later made a list in his journal about tips to keep in mind:

♡ ‘Check up on y/n often to see how they’re feeling’

♡ ‘Encourage them to eat meals/snacks. Don’t be too pushy, but be patient. Try to have eat with them when you can!’

♡ ‘Remind them they don’t have to earn the right to eat, and that their body doesn’t define their worth‘

♡ ‘Look into some mindfulness techniques!’

♡ ‘Don’t overvalue physical appearance. Also focus on all the other redeeming qualities y/n has! But of course I’m always gonna tell them they look cutee--’

♡ True to his word, he remained understanding

♡ He’s there to listen to you, or to sit with you in comforting silence

♡ During lunch he would share his food with you, reassuring you that it wasn’t something you had to avoid

♡ Some days he succeeds in encouraging you to share a milk bun or your favorite snack with him

♡ And on days you really didn’t feel like it, he never forces anything onto you and instead made sure you at least hydrated

♡ Oikawa spends some time doing research and gathering tips on how to help you

♡ Always reminds you of your worth and how you bring out the best in him

♡ He’ll never hold it against you if you ever become hostile, irritated, or in denial. He knows you’re hurting and doesn’t take it personally

♡ Sends you cute memes with all those emoji hearts

♡ Also some food puns (Oikawa: “I’m soy into you. Please brie mine. We are mint to be. I ap-peach-iate you. You got a pizza my heart. Olive you--” ; You: *puts a hand over his mouth* ; Oikawa: 🥺 ; You: “...olive you, too”)

♡ Always ready to give up what he’s doing to make sure you’re okay

♡ Will stay up with you late at night to talk on the phone

♡ Reminds you you’re beautiful at least 8 times a day

♡ If y’all ever go shopping and you try things on in the fitting room,, Oikawa would be your #1 hype man

♡ One time you tried something on, and you were almost too ashamed to step out and show him

♡ But when you did, you were met with his surprise and excitement

♡ “dfghjklkuyfuh” was all you could process from his incoherent speech before he insisted on treating you by purchasing it for you (Oikawa: “Can you wear this for me, like, everyday?” ; You: *weird look* “Why are you like this??” you love it tho--)

♡ Gushes internally over how cute you are during your movie + cuddle sessions, mostly pays attention to you rather than the movie

♡ Mid-movie be like:

♡ Oikawa: “So, uh, what’s happening again?

♡ You: -.- “You might as well google the whole synopsis instead of watching it”

♡ Oikawa: “...it’s not my fault you’re distracting, babe”

♡ Always politely excuses himself from his fangirls to get to you. Also reassures you he much prefers to be with you than anyone else and that you’re the best catch ;)) (You: “Oikawa, no” ; Oikawa: “y/n, yes”)

♡ Suggested doing some meditation together once

♡ You listened to a recording and you sat side by side on a mat, but Oikawa thought the person’s voice sounded funny so he had a hard time focusing

♡ But it ended with y’all laughing and making jokes as he lay his lead on your lap and you played with his hair

♡ Y’all get better at it tho

♡ Cooking dates! To try to show you that food isn’t an enemy and can bring people together :)

♡ Puts music on so y’all can jam together (Oikawa: “Oh my gosh, y/n, this is my favorite song, you’re not even rEADY to see me perform-- ; You: “Oikawa, t-the food! It’s burning!!”)

♡ Cooking dates also show that you should never leave the stove unattended

♡ Every once in a while he suggests seeking professional help. He wishes he could take away your pain and help you all his own, but he knows this is more complicated and required outside help, too

♡ Has help resources READY

♡ As well as small snacks like granola bars for you if you ever feel faint

♡ He doesn’t hesitate to confront you when he feels it’s necessary and he’s worried about your habits

♡ He handles things well, though, and often convinces you to take care of yourself more, even though he’s there to look after you

♡ Has made it his mission to help you win against your battle with insecurities

♡ Overall, he’s very caring and empathetic, hoping one day you’ll see yourself the way he sees you 💖 : strong, amazing, breathtaking, & perfectly imperfect

kuroo

♡ Occasionally, you would think about the day you broke down in front of him

♡ Your body racked with repressed whimpers as you tried to wipe the tears from your eyes and describe the recent state of your mind through choked sobs

♡ Lately, your thoughts were being especially relentless in making you feel miserable

♡ Oftentimes you’d be able to shove the negative thoughts to the back of your mind and carry on your day as usual, expertly acting as though everything in your life was going smoothly

♡ However, you found yourself fighting a losing battle against your own conscious, heavily preoccupied with thoughts of your own worthlessness

♡ And so you tried to cope

♡ But you were painfully aware of everything you felt was wrong with you

♡ You felt uncomfortable in your skin

♡ Every time you passed by your own reflection, you couldn’t help but mentally recoil at the image looking back at you

♡ Your clothes didn’t fit right

♡ Even when you opted for baggy clothes, you felt like you were taking up all the space in them

♡ Maybe it was the weight gain. You could see and feel it in your face, your arms, your stomach, your legs... everywhere

♡ You just wanted to hide away your shame

♡ Perhaps it was the dessert you allowed yourself to eat the other day. Foolish of you to think then that you wouldn’t regret it as much as you did afterwards

♡ As a consequence of those foolish actions, you made mental notes about anything and everything you ate. What it was, how much of it you had, etc

♡ Trying to restrict so that maybe you would lose some weight and come to like how you look

♡ Your obsessive thoughts of food and weight overtook your mind like a dark cloud

♡ Your favorite foods, which before would never fail to brighten your mood, taunted you with shame and guilt

♡ Exercise? Sometimes it was an activity you genuinely enjoyed. Other times, a chore that made you feel shitty or numb and reinforced your unhealthy desire to lose

♡ And you sometimes found yourself crying over your last meal, one you know you didn’t need. One you didn’t deserve

♡ And each time you released the reins on your self-control, you felt pathetic going against the vow you made to yourself  

♡ At this rate, you’d never be beautiful or be happy with yourself

-You’d remain unworthy, fat, disgusting--

-But before you could continue, your story was cut off by the impact of Kuroo’s embrace

-Your surprise silenced your sobs, and you could only stare wide-eyed at the space in front of you as you felt his arms squeeze tightly around your frame

-You both sat there for a few moments on your knees, with your back lightly leaning against a wall

- “I’m sorry for the pain you’re experiencing,” he begins softly. “Thank you for sharing with me. It must’ve taken a lot for you to do that.”

-He was right. It was your first time reaching out to another person about this. It was the last thing you thought you would’ve done today

- “I want to let you know that you shouldn’t be ashamed for feeling this way. Reaching out is important and brings you the help you need to get better. I know you might not want help right now or think that these thoughts and behaviors are a problem. However, telling me about all this shows that some part of you is recognizing there’s something wrong and you can’t always handle it on your own.”

-There were many reasons you kept this to yourself. You didn’t want to bother anyone else. Your problems seemed so trivial.  You worried saying them aloud would confirm your beliefs. You were scared people would see you differently. You--

-The intrusive thoughts never failed to make you feel ashamed

-However, it was oddly comforting to release the pent up emotions. To know you didn’t have to bottle up this burden anymore, and that you weren’t alone

-You were about to murmur in response when,

- “Also, you’re an idiot, y/n.”

- “Wow, thanks, as if I don’t already think that about myself,” you bit back in response

-You were about to shove him away just when he released his grip around your body and placed his hands on your shoulders

-His eyes shone with determination and a faint, inviting smile spread on his lips

- “You are the one of the single most important things in my life. I just mean you’re an idiot in the sense that you’re overevaluating one aspect to define your whole self. You’ve forgotten about all your other redeeming qualities that contribute to who you are.”

♡ “Your size, weight, shape; none of that matters. What matters is your health and happiness. Neglecting yourself in order to reach an ‘ideal’ that you’ve concluded is the answer to your self-worth is only bringing you farther away from what you truly want.”

♡ “I don’t mean to downplay any of your emotions or how significant this is to you. Your first step was to put your trust into someone else about this. That’s done. Now, I’m here to help you undergo self-evaluation and serve as encouragement on your journey to self-love and acceptance.”

♡ “I also want to remind you progress is not linear. There will be times when things are harder, and that’s okay; it’s part of the process. If you’re open to getting better in the future, I’m sure as hell going to be there every step of the way.”

♡ And with a soft peck to the forehead and another hug, he nuzzled into your neck and muttered, “I love you. And I want you to love yourself. So, please, allow me to help you through this and I guarantee that by the end of it all, it’ll have been so worth it.”

♡ Unsure what to say, you gripped his jacket tighter, buried your head in his shoulder, and muttered, “Thank you.”

♡ While the negative feelings about yourself remained afterward, you were relieved that your boyfriend was supportive and calm

♡ He treated you the same as always, teasing you over dumb things while making you feel like you stood among the highest peaks on Earth

♡ The day after, he had shown up to your house, weary-eyed and carrying his backpack

♡ “Kuroo? Why are you here? Also, why do you look so tired??”

♡ He stepped into your house with a yawn. He stretched his arms, then reached for his bag and whipped out his laptop

♡ “I stayed up a bit last night to do some research, babe! I also learned a lot about nutrition and molecular gastronomy, so I could help you come up with a meal plan that you’re okay with!”

♡ You were touched he was educating himself on how to help you

♡ But you drew the line at the science jokes-- (Kuroo: “You know you love them.” ; You: “‘Na’ I don’t.” ; Kuroo: :ooo “Did you just-- Marry me.”) (Na = sodium lol)

♡ His nutritional research helped you to learn the contents of food beyond calories; mans explains the vitamins, nutrients, amino acids, etc in them that you need and their benefits

♡ “Trout, avocados, and almonds have vitamin E, which is good for your skin! Oh, and don’t get me started on bananas. Yes, they have carbs (which your body needs anyway as a source of energy!), but POTASSIUM?? Shit’s gonna regulate your fluid balance, maintain heart health, stimulate normal muscle function, AND help your brain to communicate with the rest of your body!”

♡ ALSO cooking dates; just as chaotic (“Aw mannn, the egg exploded all over the microwave!” dont ask y it was being microwaved)

♡ Over time, he’s taken mental notes about your thoughts, feelings, triggers, etc

♡ He’s quick to pick up on your mood and will always ask you how you’re doing

♡ Tries to do something special for you on days you’re especially not feeling well, like taking you on a spontaneous date! (You: “Do you know how to ice skate?” ; Kuroo: “Uhh,,, after today, I will hopefully”)

♡ But will also opt for staying in with you and cuddling when you don’t want to go out (Kuroo: “I heard this movie is soooo bad! ...wanna watch it?”)

♡ Invited you to the beach with his team during the first week of summer

♡ You were unsure about this, since that meant going out in public, potentially with minimal clothing

♡ You initially sat on a beach towel under an umbrella, wearing the security of a T-shirt. He’d been aware of how you felt ever since he asked you to come, so he would sit with you and link an arm around your shoulder

♡ “I’m lucky I get to spend this day with you,” he’d say. “You look gorgeous. You always do. Now, I wanna see you smile and have fun. Let’s go take a dip, yeah?” He offered his hand, which you shyly took, and pulled you up

♡ Then immediately picked you up and started running to the water to get you soaking wet, and you were forced to ditch the heavy, waterlogged shirt

♡ However, you silently thanked him for his sweet words, making you feel secure enough to just forget your worries and enjoy the warm sun and cool water

♡ He also tries his best to lessen your anxieties over food and often shares/eats meals with you

♡ Reminds you everyday how much you’re worth to him and that there’s nothing about you that needs to change

♡ This sweet, protective, n smart boi will treat you how you deserve. It’s a guarantee he’ll be there through thick and thin, and he’s excited for the day you realize you’re just as amazing as he knows you are 💕

a/n: oop this was rlly long lol mb, i just may or may not personally know a bit about this so i went oFF

also neded to some som silly n fluff bc we all need dat

also, these r like kinda hc’s ?? but also a deconstructed oneshot/scenario?? bc they provide some rly brief bg story? one from more  of the character perspective while the other more on y/n before we get  to the hc’s about how he treats y/n. how everyone struggles w body image is different n i wanted to portray a bit of what it felt like and how it could manifest in ppl’s behaviors/thoughts. however, this is not to say that everyone feels exactly like this. what i wrote only represents a fraction of it all.

by providing some sort of bg i hope im not making u feel like this isnt u  or that u cant relate, pls lmk if i need to change anything to make it  right for u <3 ok now im actually done sry long author’s note  rfguhofe this is just rlly important to me y’all  , stay safe n take care, much luv for u <3

[noorengels]

reasons i am sad (friendship edition)

in year 4 my best friend invited everyone to her birthday party and not me and they all actually kept it a secret really well they almost pulled it off except she held her party in la plaza which basically is the hangout spot for families in that area i spent all my fridays there playing until midnight bc literally everyone from school would go. so i was walking home with my entire family inc grandparents and uncles and we went through la plaza and there they were! every single one of my friends at her party! apparently her mum didnt let her invite me bc apparently i hit her which i didn’t i hit another girl so her excuse is invalid and its the first time ive been so publicly excluded i cried on a bench.

in year 7 we hated this girl bc she was so fake i genuinely believe she is a psychopath like she has all the symptoms except shes in set 5 maths lol so my friend was like what if i spread a rumour about her and i was like lol do it and she did and for some reason i was blamed??? and lost all of my friends and she bullied me so hard but i didnt realise bc i was “friends” with her bc our mums were friends so shed like walk with me to lessons and talk to me while belittleing me and idk she was just a fucking bitch she made me feel so horrible like it was emotional bullying but also like telling everyone who i liked and saying lmao you literally have no friends “count how many friends you have? omg you literally cant even reach ten can you???” like in front of everyone but then shed also be really nice to me at the same time like idk it was like she was my friend but she bullied me it was so horrible saffa i hate you and the original friend who spread the rumour went on to become her best friend for like 6 years so uh hate that

managed to make friends with people not in my class in year 8! which sucked bc saffa had alienated people in my class so now they all just didnt like me i was the weird girl with no friends because of her and it was so horrible bc id always be forced to join the ready made groups between friends by the teacher  bc i didnt have a group to work with or id get paired with the weird girl like i was only the weird girl after saffa made everyone hate me this girl was weird bc she just is idk 

in year 10 they made a gc without me! i basically created that group tho like i gathered these friends i hade made in different lessons (obviously not in my main class lol) and they literally just??? decided to exclude me for no reason. and then theyd talk about what they talked about in the gc in front of me like “omg remember last night on the gc” isha ur so fucking boring no normal person talks about their gc with the same people again do u have no other conversational points smh

in year 11 it got so bad to the point where once i sat with them and they all just left! like they took their stuff and moved to the table behind me i wanted to cry so bad i did at home i think its the worst one out of all of these because it happened to my face? idk saffa was horrible too but this was just “were leaving” idk like ive never felt as horrible as i did in that moment i cant even describe how im feeling rn reliving it

its okay bc i made friends with my best friend from sciences + history bc our surnames are next to each other so we always sat together! i honestly clung to this girl after that bc i refused to spend a second longer with that other group after 3 years of enduring not even being liked by ur friends so i made friends with her friends which was easy bc yes! 

so by the first term of year 12 i had three friends! in fact one of them was like ur not having a birthday party??? im taking u out to eat so my first birthday event thing in literally years was all thanks to arun i am honestly so grateful for him he didnt even go bc he was busy and we planned it the day before my birthday but it was literally me and two friends eating pizza at zizzis and im crying so much rn but year 12 was when i found people who genuinely cared about me

we established a group of like 8 lol and were planning a holiday for the end of year 13! very skam of us! we had a gc and everything! we were gonna go to spain bc im spanish so i could speak!

this trip was unspoken of in year 13 and i was like lol kinda weird um okay but nope nothing weird about it they just created a chat without me and were still going to spain!!! one of them even sent me screenshots of their airbnb to translate its like u want me to know lol

i did complain to one of them but thats it i was just hurt on my own and coronavirus happened so it got cancelled anyways so i won really

in yr 13 i also got closer to this boy called adam! i remember my friend was like you two would get on so well idk why ur not friends and i was like idk its adam lol do i really want to and yes i did bc he is in fact the isak to my sana! but anyways i hate him but i love him we have that kinda friendship where were alwAYS trying to beat the other one up and honestly the most heart felt goodbye when schools shut was between us both bc at first we were fighting and then he just stopped and his eyes softened and i was like whats wrong with you why arent u punching me and he went come here and we hugged and its like wow despite being a dick ill miss you

anyways so uhhh quarantine we skyped often it was fun and then restrictions were lifted i went to spain and the second i land they all stop talking in the gc????? like im abroad not dead why are u creating a new one??? this gc was agressively spammed so i know for a fact theres another im not stupid

i come back from spain and theyre like can we meet!!! we meet three weeks later and theyr like i missed u so much im so happy uou came i love you and it felt really genuine like they genuinely missed me

two days later i find out through snapchat theyve all gone on holiday together!!!!!!!!!!!!! all of them and just ofc didnt invite me they went to the beach for two days and kept posting about it and im so bitter about it like bro???????? why so secretive????? like i cried so much when i saw bc they still just idk why does every single friendgroup ive ever been in exclude me like i must be the problem theres no other explanation for it i am not the kind of person people want to have around i am so funny but im a bitch and will come for ur ass because i have the inability to lie i have no filter either which i know makes them dislike me i know it does but thats the price you oay for being my friend i just say things as it is becauxe i hate secrets bc secrets are always about excluding me so i rather be honest and upfront but that clearly puts people off bc im too upfront and im not getting a personality transplant im not tryna be boring but im so sick of always being the one on her own

adam was relevant uh hews my only friend rn he checked up on me the other day so cheers adam for making sure im not completely isolated

the funny thing is that all my friends hate adam bc “hes a dick” hes not he just says things how it is were so similar so if they hate adam they hate me and im over being hated lol bye!

i start uni next week and i clearly have no social skills so im not gonna make friends im so scared of being lonely i hate being left out

this went from sad to full on angry like i was crying at some point and now im fuming like im so hot rn my blood pressure isnt doing okay

[hpfangirl13]

50 questions you’ve never been asked

tagged by @chasethesun18 

What is the colour of your hairbrush? white and black

Name a food you never eat? olives and raw sushi

Are you typically too warm or too cold? i am constantly hot. i open the window to my room when it’s cold at night so I feel like I’m sleeping in a fridge.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? eating an apple and watching youtube

What is your favourite candy bar? hmmmm... close tie between reese’s and butterfingers

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yes! we love the chicago cubs in our family and i’ve probably been to about 20 mlb games. I have also been to 2 nfl games for the bears.

What is the last thing you said out loud? “i’m ordering the pizza, chill” @ my dad

What is your favourite ice cream? cookies and cream 100%

What was the last thing you had to drink? water- very bland

Do you like your wallet? yes. its michael kors and my dad bought it for me as a 10th grade graduation present.

What was the last thing you ate? an apple (im bout to eat pizza so don’t think im that healthy)

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? no cuz nothing is really open and i havent been to the mall in a hot sec.

The last sporting event you watched? damn idk. sports have been off for so long that i dont really know.

What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? the movie theater kind with a shit ton of butter

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? @chasethesun18 aka ryan. talking about how when she comes over to watch mpi tonight and coughs she has allergies and not corona.

Ever go camping? i guess. i went to a summer camp for 2 years when i was like 12 and 13. we did a “pack out” one night. wasnt really a fan. i like sleeping in a bed thx.

Do you take vitamins? yes my mother yells at me every morning to take my gummy vitamins. (yes, i am 5 years old)

Do you go to church every Sunday? no, not really religious at all. i don’t really believe in that kinda stuff.

Do you have a tan? ehhhhh kinda but not really? i cant really tan tho cuz im part irish and polish white.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? pizza. i gotta be in the mood for chinese.

Do you drink your soda with a straw? in restaurants yea at home no.

What colour socks do you usually wear? any kind really, i have harry potter socks all the way to adidas socks

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? yep. i speed and its really bad. especially when im on the interstate.

What terrifies you? losing my parents, being all alone in life, snakes, spiders, and dying in a car crash.

Look to your left, what do you see? my closet door with pics on it and my “i ship it” sticker. (miggy im thinking of you)

What chore do you hate? walking my dog and folding laundry.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? shrimp on the barbie

What’s your favourite soda? sprite or cherry fanta (but you can never find it anywhere)

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? drive-thru lately cuz that’s all you can do

Who’s the last person you talked to? my dad

Favourite cut of beef? i guess burgers? idk what that “cut” of beef is called tho

Last song you listened to? macho man- the village people-- dont ask me why.

Last book you read? a fanfic. havent read a book since harry potter and that was like 6 years ago

Favourite day of the week? friday. cuz my shows are on and i get littyyy

Can you say the alphabet backwards?i probably could but it would take too much effort and i dont want to.

How do you like your coffee? at home i will drink anything decaf with flavored creamer. my fav is from starbucks where i get a  decaf venti iced hazelnut latte with nonfat milk and 4 pumps of hazelnut. (very complicated i know)

Favourite pair of shoes? prob my nike ‘07 air force ones

The time you normally go to bed? ehhhh sometime between 11 and 2 normally. kinda depends on how tired i am and what time i have to get up the next day.

The time you normally get up? when i work i get up around 8. on the weekends i get up around 10

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets cuz im not a morning person.

How many blankets on your bed? like 8. i really like blankets

Describe your kitchen plates: we have had the same damn blue and flowered plates in my house since before my birth. no lie.

Do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? im 19 and i dont drink. ive had a sip of beer and wine from my parents before and i hated it so i dont feel like im missing a lot.

Do you play cards? we play uno like once every 6 months

What colour is your car? bluish grey

Can you change a tire? nope

Your favourite province? well my mom is from montreal, canada so imma have to say quebec.

Favourite job you’ve ever had? babysitting! for the first family i ever babysat for in my neighborhood. theyre in middle school now. *sheds tear*

How did you get your biggest scar? the only scar i have is on my right foot on my second toe. smashed it in a pool when i was 7

What did you do today that made someone else happy? well i deliver groceries for a living so hopefully i made people happy by bringing them food?

THE MAGNUM PI FINALE IS ON TONIGHT AND MY BODY IS READY!!!! @chasethesun18 and I are bout to get litttttt

tagging: @juliethiggy @jenscorpion @theblacksiren @jennie-may

[dear-space-cadet]

al horford sleeper agent

—————

anyway by now ive told basically everyone i care about but i had a life changing experience over the weekend. n it sounds dumb as shit but i met a real life dude who was basically a clone of nick from franz. weird hours. guess this is a thread

before we start i want to say i havent thought about franz in weeks. theyve gone away on their own finally but really i think my old obsessions just get replaced every few years and maybe it was my hard work in therapy or my new obsession with rap or

maybe it was just a realization or me growing up and maturing or something but i dont even want to work on my favorite fanfics anymore or anything. it’s just odd. i think im changing

and i don’t think about how my former favorite band members are doing or worry about them or check their socials n it feels really good. but i know there probably is or probably will be a replacement

ok that was a tangent. if they were replaced by anything they were replaced by new friends and the NBA. so there’s the exposition of this story sorted

anyway back to the weekend. the sleeper agent invited me to lunch. and that was the catalyst. god people are being so loud in here let me go to the art library

anyway i just kind of realized "huh i guess there's more out there." i went to lunch n shit. WE went to lunch n shit. stopped caring so much about my math homework. let myself be dumb and in love

that’s a very human thing. lunch. he spilled his stupid chipotle burrito all over his stupid bright green celtics jacket

he’s from italy. never even stepped foot in a chipotle. immediately clowned himself. some world we live in

we hung out all weekend. we went to lunch like two more times and we went to dinner. there was this big threat of leaving looming over my head the whole time. i made him walk like a mile on crutches and i feel very bad about it

i don’t know what’s wrong with him. it’s somewhere between a basketball injury and a chronic disability. either way that just made me feel even more emotionally attached to him. i never saw him without the celtics jacket

it was so cold that weekend. or maybe i just didn’t bring the right jacket. if he were a gentleman he would have offered me the celtics jacket. i didnt even hug him goodbye

and then of course he went back home. theres a million girls all over his instagram comments all the time. theres nothing special about me. he doesn't want to talk. i wrote my ap psych notes in green yesterday bc i was so in love with that stupid celtics jacket

im a sixers fan. the sixers and the celtics have been rivals forever. it was about to be war, except i want to move to boston. but really i want to move to dc. i wish the whole world was philly. things would be less complicated

im in love with a celtics jacket. a celtics jacket. of all teams. and i cant even talk to my basketball friends about it because they think im dumb shit for falling for some celtics fan with a million girls all over his instagram comments all the time

im not like those girls. i don’t think im like those girls. but i definitely exactly am

i have an economics test in fifteen minutes. i think one day ill drown in the atlantic ocean.

the test wasnt that bad. i thought about writing this the entire time. i would just zone out and stare and think about the phrase ‘al horford sleeper agent’

because he has to be. why else would someone put a diehard sixers fan right in front of a diehard celtics fan who looks exactly like the guitarist of their middle school favorite band

in reality i should be calling him a celtics sleeper agent because the whole point is that al horford is a sleeper agent for the celtics. but i hate al horford so i guess it’s more funny to include him in the title

i mean how can one player change so drastically like that? al horford was benched for the first time since his rookie season, like, two weeks ago after being traded to the sixers. how does that happen? why *wouldn’t* he be playing badly so his old friends win the title?

al horford’s gotta be retiring in like, three years, tops. he’s working for the celtics, i know it. and my sleeper agent is trying to convert me to a celtics fan

i understand why people make jokes, though. it’s a very human thing to want to go home. al horford just wants to go home. he lived in boston for however many years let me look it up

god whatever it was only three years i thought it was like eleven that just ruined my point

back to the matter at hand though that’s all we’re trying to do. we all just want to feel at home. we’re all just these little things trying to connect somehow. sometimes we are more desperate than others

i think im pretty desperate right now. sometimes i sit in my bedroom and im like damn when do i get to go home? but im home

i didn’t even want to leave dc. it was all star break and there wasn’t even basketball on. so there i was, in basketball purgatory, wizards territory for some god forsaken reason, losing sleep over a celtics fan and not wanting to go home

and when i say i was losing sleep you better believe me. i was so excited to wake up in the morning that i didn’t want to fall asleep. i wanted to be awake forever, endless, running through the city

i’ll get there soon enough. it’ll be with different people. college, yknow. all that. but sometimes i feel like certain things can’t be replaced.

and im acting like a different person lately. im using my phone at red lights just so i can check for a message from the sleeper agent. it’s always one word responses

yes. ok. maybe. some shit like that. a haha every once in a while. he’s not interested and i should stop trying

and then, INEVITABLY, i send something stupid back, a photo of my hand on the wheel or something, and i get left on read

and i know im stupid for it. everyone i know is screaming at me “disco, you’re dumb shit” but i just want to believe for a minute that im loved, im special

I want to feel like someone out there cares about me that isn’t obligated to, yknow? my mom can say she loves me all she wants but it doesn’t feel as good as some italian celtics fan saying it

some hot italian celtics fan mind you

even if he wasn’t hot or italian it would be nice. and actually it would be better if he liked like, ANY other basketball team

except maybe the knicks

but whatever. main point: i know im dumb shit and should stop trying. but it feels good to feel like if i keep trying maybe i’ll be wanted

sleeper agent is just one of those people tho. he’s magnetic and everyone always wants to be around him. dumb as hell in the most charming way ever. my friends are still all making fun of me

i started crying in a pizza place the other night because even the CONCEPT of italy sent me over the edge. i need to stop before i

wait what’s the word

i need to stop before i immortalize him? no, no

i need to stop before i deify him. soon enough he’s going to be a new canonical character in my head and i’ll start making up legends and stories to myself

we barely knew each other. if i deify him i’ll start telling people he offered me the celtics jacket when it was cold out. he’ll become a perfect gentleman. and he wasnt. he was just some stupid hot italian boy in a bright green jacket

im not going to deify him. it won’t happen. but i love the color green. i always say i love yellow more but i think that’s passed. i wear a green ring on my right ring finger every day. im not going to deify him and i still hate the celtics

overall, the celtics are winning the rivalry. i don’t think the sixers have ever truly been “great,” at least outside of philly. maybe allen iverson. wilt chamberlain. dr j? theyve never had like, a dynasty. idk. i don’t think you’d be able to get a sixers jacket in italy.

it’s his birthday today. i should probably text him. i should probably stop thinking about him. that’s just dumb shit, disco youre better than this what happened to a little self confidence every now and again

sure lets say external validation isnt necessary but also i think that’s something the mindfulness crowd made up to sell more planners and tote bags in 2011. it feels good to be wanted

never waste all your time on it sure. know youre still worth it even when you have no friends and there are a million girls all over his instagram comments. but it does feel good to hear “goodness disco i like how much you like the philadelphia 76ers”

my friends are all making fun of me for being on some romeo and juliet shit because he’s literally from verona and he’s a celtics fan and im a sixers fan god damn it disco why does this always happen

i never even read romeo and juliet but i saw the dreamworks adaptation so i guess ive got the story relatively right i know they die in the end. the gnomes shatter into little pieces i think

anyway tangents aside the sixers won tonight. philly is lit up green. why the hell is philly lit up green? the eagles were done like three months ago and the flyers are orange. why is philly lit up green

oh god, he just snapped me. a zoomed in photo of himself with caption that says “76ers” with like five exclamation points

here we go again, everybody

wish me luck

[blackgirlblues]

Being A Black Girl: And Chasing Your Dreams.. Yikes.

Hi, 

It’s me, your resident black girl back with some new shit to rant about. I’ve been posting a few screenshots of short poems and paragraphs I’ve been writing on my phone as a way to heal and get over Capricorn boy from my last post on here and I see you guys like and reblog. Thank you for showing love, although it makes me sad that so many of you seem to be going through the same range of emotions I am. I’m sorry. 

I know it’s a lonely place to be in. 

But, on the bright side, I’ve got a lot of new followers joining the diary/manual/rant page that is blackgirlology and it’s nice cause I think it’s becoming a little bit of a community. So, in a way, were never really going through any of these emotions alone. If you’ve found this page-you’re part of a community. Bask in it. 

Anyways, that aside, a lot has happened since I last spoke to you. I don’t know if any of you may remember, and for some new people this will be a surprise. But I’m actually a singer songwriter from Ireland. Moved to London a year and a half ago to pursue my music dream and that’s how I met Capricorn boy whos been the source of all my poems. 

Throughout this time in between, I’ve been trying to chase my dreams, and chase them relentlessly. and this summer i did just that, let me tell you, what im about to tell you guys, is to put it simply, wild. I’ll just cut to the chase. 

It all started in July. I’d been in London for quite a long time now, over a year and now have a manager who’s my best friend first and foremost. We’ll call her Maya. I met her in my first week of moving to London in the student halls I was staying at and we became best friends pretty quick. She studies music business, so it made sense and she just naturally ended up taking up the role as my music manager. Shes seen everything. The songs I wrote about Capricorn boy, the tears, everything. And she saw everything this summer. 

I saw an ad for a record label opportunity in London. It was advertised on my university facebook page; a new indie label, looking for demo submissions for a competition they were setting up to find their new signee. I sent a screenshot to Maya who agreed I should send my stuff in. I did, they liked it, I got a meeting, we were sent terms and conditions for the competition. We signed it, the rest was supposed to be history. 

Big yikes. 

There’s so many layers to this story that I will be shortening it, just because it can get very draining for me to talk about or even write about. I’ve healed from it i think, but I still want to put it here and write it about to finally close that chapter and be done with my feelings about what happened to me and my music. 

Basically, the whole competition, the record label, the dickhead CEO, it was all a scam. I had accidentally signed away the master rights to my new song to a record label started by a fake CEO who was committing fraud and known for tricking young artists into handing over their master rights so he could profit off of them, for power. 

It was a mess. Another contestant told me and Maya when we were outside of their office. Just minutes before we were under the impression that I was doing an interview for Billboard Magazine. Honestly, I never truly believed it. Shit was too good to be true. 

But she told us everything. How he was actually a run away from Spain, where he was caught and exposed for doing the exact same thing to artists there, how he didn’t have any money to fund the competition he had somehow roped all of us into, how he was illegally avoiding paying his team, how none of the creatives we had collaborated with for photoshoots etc were paid, how everything was a lie, how he didnt have any connections, and how he was trying to convince me specifically to sign a 360 deal with his label. 

Which, guys, I’m not stupid. After the first week of being with the label for the competition and letting my song live through their disastrous marketing campaign, Maya and I long decided that regardless of what they said, I would not under any circumstances be signing anything with any entity of their company. 

After being told the truth, I had to sit down. You see, when I came across this opportunity, I thought this was finally the life I’d been manifesting coming true. I had begun to grow in my spirituality and start journaling, writing down my manifestations, and getting to work with a record label who would later offer me a fair contract before I turn 20 was one of the manifestations I had written down every night before I went to bed. However, what I’d gotten was the exact opposite. 

I remember, me, Maya, and 2 of the girls from the competition all stood around in a circle outside of their new office that the CEO also hadnt paid for wondering what our next move would be with this new information. There was still 2 other contestants inside who had no idea what was really going on was an elaborate scam. One of them wanted to go in and expose them on the spot. I said no, we had to go in and pretend like everything was normal until we figured out what to do afterwards. 

So in I went, plastering the fakest smile on my face and pretended like I still thought I was about to be speaking with Billboard Magazine. Once I got out, I broke down in Maya’s arms. 

I went home to my flatmates, Ellie and Bea and cried for hours before I had to go work a 7 hour shift at a pizza place. 

I stayed in bed, and cried, and cried. and cried again. I didn’t get out of bed unless I needed too. The only people I talked too were my flatmates E and B and Maya. 

Everything was sorted out eventually, a lot more happened, but as I’ve been writing this article for you guys, I realised that all of that stuff is no longer relevant to my journey and isnt something I want to bring back into my energetic circle because I’ve made peace with the fact that a lot of people who betrayed me when I was at my lowest, peace with the fact that these contestants who wanted to “work together” to get out of this mess, actually wanted to save their own asses and leave me in the cold. 

But I still got out of it and I’m still here. 

I nearly got sued by a man with less than 20 pound to his company account online, but hey, I’m here.

I guess why I’m telling you guys this really short account of my summer is to both record it for myself but also to say its okay to flop, its okay to fail. I did both this summer. and thank god i did. it was the best thing that ever happened to me. 

following your dreams is scary, doing it as a black girl is terrifying because society has already kind of set you up to fail. there’s already misconceptions about what you do, who you are, where you come from and how good you’re going to be at what you do. its almost like we cant fail and we need to work 10 times harder to obtain half of what the average white person will get. and sometimes it can feel like we dont have any space to fail or make mistakes because of this but let me tell you thats not true. 

if anything, the universe will put you in places that will force you to grow through the mistakes you make. and thats exactly what happened to me this summer. 

i chased my dream so relentlessly i ended up in an environment i thought i manifested, i thought was good for me, only for the universe to show me that that specific environment i’d been wishing to be in is the furthest from what i need right now in my life. 

this so called failure showed me that not everybody who smiles can be trusted, and that people can be way more deceiving than i ever thought, especially when push comes to shove and they need to save themselves. you start to see the real them when it starts to get tense. the people who seem to be around you when you’re doing good will most likely dissapear when things start to go south, including some of your oldest friends. you will get radio silence on their end. be upset. cry. but after that be glad that this situation revealed their true colours. 

and then never put any more energy into them again. 

this failure showed me how fucking strong i am. how resilient and kind i am even in the face of disrespect and actual evil. it showed me how much i can care for someone who i believe is at a risk of losing it all, and showed me that this will not always be reciprocated. and for a while i thought that meant that i had to harden myself up and grow a shell. but i dont think so. i will not allow the things ive been through to make me into a hard person when i was born soft. i mean now, im a little rough around the edges, jagged enough to cut anyone who comes too close with some of that bad energy, but soft enough to hold myself tight and glue myself back together when i need to. soft enough to hold the people who held me this summer. soft enough to help people who i know deserve it. 

im a good person in a shitty world, i don’t need to match the world and become a shitty person to survive. 

after all of this happened, i stopped writing music. 

i haven’t written anything properly or produced anything in months and sometimes i get worried that ive completely lost my talent. but thats another thing that this failure taught me, i can never truly lose whats meant to be mine. i know that i was put on this earth to create change, to inspire, to be an activist and a voice for people who dont have one. i know i was put here to do it through a creative medium and right now i still think that is music. 

i think i just need to stop being so scared to start again, to learn my craft again.

i used to be so scared of failure but now i am so thankful for it and the lessons its taught me. i had so much hurt and pain and hatred in my heart for the universe for, in my head, doing this to me. but then i realised that the universe never does anything to you, it does it for you. all of this happened in my best interest and while i definitely didnt understand at the time, i get it now.

thank you universe for the worst summer of my life. 

and my black ass will be continuing to chase my dreams relentlessly, failing, tripping and falling on my ass until i get to the very top. 

besides, if everything had just gone right, that wouldnt have been very interesting, would it?

[pinkykitten]

The best date ever

DC

Arthur Curry x female! reader

Warning: curse words

Specifics: fluff, romance, comedy, one-shot, pictures, gifs, race-neutral reader

People: arthur curry, you, diana prince 

Words: 2,620

Requested: By @divaanya Hi!!! So about that sequel to The Old Man's Tale.. 😍😂 I'm not sure if you wanted specifics here or in submissions, so I'll put them here... I was thinking simply about them having that dinner, maybe Arthur picking her up in the morning, showing her around the town, then them eating and talking about her drawings and just fluff...😍😍😍 And I'd love to read anyting you feel like writing about them... And any other aquaman fics you come up with!!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

Authors Note: srry fam for not posting in a while, ive just been rlly stressed out lately with some personal things like my plate is so full. so pls fam be patient i am still writing just at a slow pace, i need to find a good time to write so im still working that out rn. i hope u guys like this, again srry my peeps! <3<3<3

“Oh my god,” you shouted as you quickly rose up from your slumber, remembering today was the day. “Crap! I have that date with,” you sigh. “My sexy hunk of a hero.”

At the speed of light you got ready, making sure you looked beautiful and glamorous for this date. 

“Perfect,” you chuckled as you looked at yourself in the mirror, posing and modeling to yourself. 

All of a sudden you heard a car’s horn beep from outside. You grabbed your things such as your sketchbook, your phone, the same things Arthur had saved. You open the door and there is standing Arthur with a bouquet of flowers. 

“I found these and thought ‘hey they are beautiful’, and then I thought for a while ‘who could I give this to,’ and then I thought of you.” Arthur grinned from ear to ear, his personality seemed to beam and make the world a better place. 

“Awww these are for me? Arthur they are extremely beautiful,” you stand on your tippy toes and give him a peck on his cheek. “Thank you! Let me find a vase for these.”

While you are putting the flowers away, Arthur stares at you from afar. You are truly a beauty. He can’t help but linger longer in looking at your curves, your body. The way the dress hugged you tightly, the curve of your butt. Your legs that to him looked better than even Diana Prince. The way you moved yourself about made Arthur like you more, made him want to understand you and get to know you more. 

“You look really, really, really, pretty today y/n.” 

You turn around, bashful and place the vase on a nearby table, “oh stop you! But thank you, you always look handsome yourself Curry. Whelp are you ready to go?”

“Ready as ready can get sweetheart,” Arthur opened the door for you. “But before we eat, how about I show you the best places around town?”

“I would really like that,” you smile as you take Arthur’s hand that he offered you and go to his car.

As Arthur’s driving a sweet melody of a tune is playing on the radio, making the morning relaxing. 

“I can’t wait to see where you live! All the stuff you do daily, things that make you happy, stuff like that,” you smile as you wrap your tiny arm around his strong, muscled one. Arthur grins seeing how adorable you are and how interested you look at knowing about his home. 

(ok but i love this gif because his smile is the bomb and the scrunchie is my life; sometimes i ask myself, how r we the same species?)

He gently holds your small hand and laces his thick fingers with yours. You peer up at him and see he is speaking about something the opposite way. Your heart beats vigorously, you are bashful and try to hear what he is talking about but you just stare at your two hands together, his and yours. They looked perfect as one, this meant something right?

“So what do you think, onto another sight?” Arthur asked, now his focus was on you. You fanned yourself and breathed harshly, “ooh is it me or is it extremely hot in here? Wooo, woah, ok, wow.”

“Y/n, its colder than an igloo in here, how in god’s name are you hot?”

“...menopause?”

Arthur chuckled, knowing exactly why you were like this. He knew it was about him holding your hand. He felt the way you tensed up when he did that, it made him for some reason happy. Happy to know that you were nervous around him because then you care about how he sees you, you care about his feelings. 

“You look beautiful by the way sweetheart. You know what I don’t think there has ever been a day for you when you didn’t look beautiful.”

You swatted his way as you chuckled while rolling your eyes, “you’re too much Arthur Curry. Do you flirt with all your girls like this?”

“No...just you.”

Your eyes bugged wide open and you tried to change the subject. “What’s that place over there?”

“Oh that, that’s the ice skating rink. Its been there for like forever, its really fun. It may not look much but that’s where people just enjoy each others company, love birds, kids, teenagers, you name it, they go there.”

“That sounds so nice. Lovebirds you say though?” You raise your brow as your arm rests on the center console of the car. Arthur turns his head from the window to you and his head moves closer to yours. In a sultry, raspy, deep voice he says, “yeah many, many lovebirds go there. They dance around each other and sometimes get to touch.” Arthur comes closer and his lips almost go to yours, but then he stops. He smiles, “that means then we should go!” He gets out of the car so quickly you didn’t have a chance to think about what just happened. 

“What!?!”

One minute you thought you were going to kiss this hunk of a merman and now he’s wanting to go ice skating, and you don’t even know how to ice skate! Then you realized, he was trying to play hard to get. He flirts and tries to kiss you and then he doesn’t! “Well, two can play it that game!” You thought in your head. 

“Okay I should of told you this but Arthur...I can’t skate!” Your holding onto Arthur for dear life as you stand on the ice with the skates on.

“Well lets just practice a little, I’m gonna let go-

“No Arthur don’t you let go I swear if you let go I’m gonna punch you in the balls so hard that you’re gonna wish you were a woman, don’t you let go!”

“And when I let go y/n, lets see if you can skate on your own. Okay 1, 2, 3.” Arthur lets you go and pushes you forward to bring speed to you. You slide forward with a shriek as you can’t stop. As you’re about to fall to your death Arthur comes to the rescue and picks you up with ease. “Man, sweetheart I’ve already saved your life twice. I should get a reward.”

Arthur holds your hand as he practically guides you through on the ice. “Yeah you want to see your reward?” You smack his torso and shoulders but unfortunately with your size compared to his you didn’t really do much damage.

“Ouch what was that for?”

“What was that for? Arthur I nearly almost died...again! You pushed me you hot, idiot, jerk, stupid, guy!” You look straight up into his eyes with an angry face. 

“So you think I’m hot?” Arthur comes closer to you. 

You try to slide back but you trip and that makes Arthur strong hands go to your back, near your butt and bring you closer to his body. “I never said a thing like that.”

Arthur’s handsome face gets closer with yours and his body is touching your body, tightly pressed together. “I think you did, I know you did.”

You look away as you put your hands up. His lips go to your ear, “don’t worry y/n, I think I’m hot as well.”

Your face becomes annoyed as you shove his face away from you and roll your eyes. “Haha, good one.” You say sarcastically as his laughter booms loudly. He laughed so hard he had to wipe a tear. “Was it really that funny Arthur?”

Arthur nods, “oh yeah definitely. You should of seen your face!”

“HAHAHAHAHA WELL YOU SHOULD OF FELT YOUR JUNK, CUZ IT WAS GIVING A STANDING OVATION!” You then laugh really hard at your joke and pretend to wipe a tear. You see Arthur’s face as he gives you a death glare. You chuckle some more as he skates towards you. He wraps his hand in yours and you two skate like normal people do, or how the lovebirds do. 

It was actually really romantic. 

“There you go sweetheart, just like that.” You actually were skating correctly, of course holding for dear life onto Arthur, but still you did it. You were skating smoothly, almost perfectly. 

“Oh my god, I can’t believe I’m doing it!” You smiled up at Arthur, your smile beaming. This made Arthur happy and his heart pound. He couldn’t focus on anything except you, the way you looked up at him. You looked like a goddess, like his whole life revolved around you. Like you were meant to be his, and he was meant to be yours. 

“Arthur, Arthur, Arthur! We’re gonna crash!”

As soon as you said that you and him crashed into the wall. Before your body could hit the cold, harsh ice, Arthur fell on his back but caught you just in time. 

“Oh my! Arthur are you okay?” You felt yourself being carried and laid, on your stomach, on his chest. His eyes were shut, so you shook him and tried to get him to wake up. “Arthur please wake up! Are you okay?”

You were starting to get worried that he hurt himself badly until he woke up. “Did I scare you?”

You smacked his face a couple of times, “Are you serious? Yes you scared me Arthur! I thought you were hurt. C’mon lets go somewhere to eat because I am starving.”

Arthur got up with your help and placed his hand on your hip as you two walked to the car. “Hey, thanks for worrying about me.” Arthur bent down and kissed your cheek, then he walked to his car leaving you all bashful. 

“I swear this boy,” you muttered.

You two ended up deciding to go to a pizza restaurant. (if u dont like pizza then u r cursed and have sinned because pizza is a gift from god) 

As you walked in the smell was good! It smelled delicious! Your stomach growled at the thought of fresh, hot pizza. 

“Sorry for keeping you waiting. We could of gotten food sooner.” Arthur looked at the menu by the cashier. His arm was wrapped around your shoulder. If no one knew it, it looked as if you two were a couple.

Suddenly Arthur stomach growls. “Well if you were hungry Arthur, we could of gotten some food.”

Arthur puts his hair in a man bun with his light pink scrunchie, you could tell he was embarrassed. “I didn’t want to interrupt you having fun on the ice.”

You stood on your tippy toes and kissed Arthur’s cheek, “thank you, that was really sweet of you.”

After you two bought the pizza, you guys sat at the booth by the window. 

“This looks so good! I’m starving!”

“Well y/n, bon appetit!”

You ate like you haven’t eaten in years, the pizza was so perfect and so delicious in your mouth. The atmosphere was perfect. Jazz music was playing in the background, there were not too many people there but enough to hear talking. It was gloomy looking outside since it was so cold. You took your coat off and placed it next to you. 

“So I saw your sketchbook, what do you draw?” Arthur asked, taking a gigantic bite out of his Hawaiian pizza. 

“Oh pretty much everything. Yeah, I like to draw animals, settings, but mostly people. I mean I love art but sketching and drawing is my passion, it lets me vent as much as possible. I just think about life when I draw. Think about how I want to better my life, how to better me.” You find yourself getting off the discussion. “Sorry, I’m talking too much aren’t I?”

Arthur placed his hand on yours and smiled, “not at all. Please continue.”

“I wanted to get away from my day to day life. Sometimes doing the same thing over and over, day by day can be such a bore and honestly tiresome. That’s why I needed to come here. I wanted to experience a place like never before, and also encourage myself to draw more.”

“Well I’m glad you made that decision to come here, if you hand’t then I would not have met you.”

“Thank you Arthur.”

“Can I see your drawings?”

You started choking on your piece of pizza, “what? You mean like mine, my drawing as in my own, like mine?”

“I’m pretty sure mine means that.”

You chuckled and scratched the back of your head, “I don’t know Arthur, they’re not that good.”

Arthur gave you a wink, “c’mon y/n, I know they’ll look amazing.”

You pull out your sketchbook from your bag and hand it to him. 

“Wow y/n,” was all he said as he was mesmerized, captivated by your art. “You are incredible y/n, just incredible! I’m speechless with how you draw.”

“Thanks, it feels good to have someone important say such great things about them.”

Arthur almost turns to the page you don’t want him to see. “Um don’t see that drawing.”

Arthur raises his brow, “why not?”

“Because it has something personal on there.” You try to grab it but Arthur is too quick and moves it away from you. “Give it back Arthur!”

“Wait! I want to see what it is.” As he says this he turns the page to show a drawing of him. 

You feel hot and so embarrassed. Your hands become so sweaty and your heart pounds. Will he think your drawing is weird or stupid? 

“Y/n, this is so beautiful. I can’t believe you drew me.” Arthur was baffled at your gift. Just from seeing him in a short time you sketched him out like you knew him for many years. You got each curve and each detail of his face and body. 

“I studied your face long and hard when you picked me up. I had to draw out my hero.” 

Arthur’s smile made you fall more in love with him. “I’m sorry if me drawing you was weird. I can just get rid of it when I go back to my cabin.”

“No! Please y/n, don’t. Please don’t get rid of this amazing drawing. Hel* I wish I could draw you, but not even a dam* drawing would show and describe how beautiful you are, not words not art, nothing. You are so frickin gorgeous and sweet y/n, you really are.” Next thing you knew Arthur got up and sat next to you in the booth. Feeling shy you backed away in the booth but this just made Arthur get extremely closer to you. His wild blue eyes were half lidded as he was overpowered with love and lust for you, and to be honest so were you. Arthur came closer and closer to you until his huge body trapped your tiny, fragile one against the wall. “I so wanna kiss you right now,” breathed out Arthur, rubbing delicately your cheek. 

“I wanna kiss you so bad too,” you said in a whisper, looking directly at Arthur’s plump lips. Without no hesitation Arthur’s lips crashed on yours. You two didn’t care who was watching or who was there. This kiss was needed. Arthur’s tongue slipped in your mouth in one swift movement, but just as quick as it went in it went out. He was teasing you! He was showing you what was to come if you two spent the night in a sexual escapade. You two made out a few more seconds until you and him separated to catch your breaths. He leaned his forehead against yours, “boy am I glad you decided to come here for your vacation.”

You chuckled and touched Arthur’s facial hair, “me too Arthur. Me too.”

Tag List: @harrington-lover, @angelgl16, @perfectlybeautifulsuit, @dreamsofwhiteandblack, @hyehoney, @wtfisalltherandoms, @haven-prelude (wont let me tag) , @leasly, @totally-alexa21, @creamy-pasta-boi, @multireese, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @prentisskelley, @malereaderforkpop (wont let me tag), @guardian-of-cookies, @justafangirl-97, @teenageshitposts (wont let me tag), @polyglot-t, @dippergravity (wont let me tag), @some-booty, @collectiveyou, @divaanya

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[aidenzhous]

in all these moments. (ajay x mc)

pairing: ajay x f!mc (cas rhodes).

word count: 3.4k.

genre: fluff / teeny tiny sprinkle of angst / romance.

summary: five times ajay backs out, and one time he doesn’t.

author’s note: i was rereading hssca bc i have Nothing else 2 do and i was thinking !!! why not !!!!!!! do a 5+1 !!! bc im super weak for those !!! anyways here it is it’s not Totally loyal 2 the chapters bc ~creative license~ but i Do hope u all enjoy it anyways for my first fic here owo !!!! 

tag list: send me an ask or message me if you want to be added !!

i. auditions.

Ajay has always believed freshmen were all the same—too curious, too reckless—just too much everything. The world was their oyster, and they hadn’t learned the difference between questions to ask and questions to rein in.

That was what Ajay believed, until Cas.

She’s all cheerful eyes and open friendliness when she introduces herself, stumbling on her shoelace before righting herself with an embarrassed laugh. She doesn’t even look bothered after he’d brushed her hand aside and easily repeated his speech of ambitious projects and director responsibilities, smiling apologetically as she takes a half-step back.

“My bad,” she says. “I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“Thank you. But you’re still bothering me, Cas.”

He can’t help but notice her eyes carry that wide-eyed freshman wonder, intertwined with something that feels like sunshine and starlight and something he can’t quite name. Freshman optimism, maybe. He glances back to his scripts just as Danielle slides into the conversation like she had been there all along.

“Relax, Ajay.” Danielle barks a laugh. “She’s just trying to introduce herself.”

“Danielle, please.” He runs a hand through his hair and tugs the script closer, mindful of his pen. He levels her with a look, exasperation and exhaustion in one. “I can forgive interruptions from a freshman, but you of all people should know better.”

She shrugs, like he has a point but she stands too much on her own to care. “How about this?” Danielle says. “Cas can help me set up the stage, and you can take a chill pill.”

Ajay rolls his eyes and waves a dismissive hand. “Lovely idea,” he says after a moment.

Danielle turns on her heel and motions for Cas to follow, leading her backstage. Against Ajay’s better judgement, he lets himself get distracted, gives himself an interlude between work to watch as they leave. His eyes linger on Cas’s profile, watches as she says something to Danielle before breaking out into a laugh that he can clearly hear across the room. It sounds like a songbird at dawn.

He shakes his head before picking up his pen, twirling it between his fingers. She’s new, he reasons. She’s an undiscovered piece in the puzzle that Ajay hasn’t quite figured out yet, and he’s only distracted because it’s natural. Logical, even.

He sneaks another glance to the stage.

ii. the party.

This is what he knows: Ajay has always been good at separating his work from his personal life. Theater stays theater—everyone is a co-star first and a friend second, and romance is totally, absolutely out of the question. Success comes when everyone can focus, and butterflies, longing glances and crushes had no place in a production—especially one as important as this.

He’s lining up his next shot at the pool table, eyes focused. Emma and Sydney are hovering on the opposite end, their conversation distant and muted as he tunes it out. He inhales once, ready to secure the point, until—

“Ajay, thank God!”

His hands grip the pool cue tighter by a fraction, the only giveaway that her voice had startled him. It takes all his willpower to look nonchalant, to look like he’s absorbed in a game he knows he’ll score easy wins at, but the difference between being and looking is in the eyes. He waits until Emma and Sydney flit over to Cas, waits until they strike up a conversation of their own before he dares to look in their direction for a brief moment. He spots the faded blue of her jacket and the bright smile he’s gotten accustomed to seeing.

Ajay successfully sinks two solids into a pocket. He straightens up and pretends like he’s seeing Cas for the first time.

“Oh, hey Cas,” he says. She grins at the greeting, throwing a little wave his way.

“Took you long enough to notice I was here! I thought I would’ve had to start the preparations for my eightieth birthday if you didn’t turn around in the next minute.” She points to the pool table. “I didn’t know you were practically a master at pool.”

Ajay shrugs before turning back towards the game. “You only met me this Monday,” he says. “Besides, it’s not like pool is a particularly useful skill.”

“Maybe so,” Cas says, “but it makes for some impromptu bets!.”

Ajay raises an eyebrow at her, feeling the smile before he could stop it. He shakes his head and lets her have a short laugh, before he calls a pocket and easily knocks the 8-ball in.

“I win,” he says. He sees Emma’s shoulders slump in defeat as she sighs.

“Can I play against you?” Cas asks. “I have a good feeling I can snatch that pool-master title from you, easy peasy.”

He sets the pool cue aside, glancing her way. She’s all determined energy, coiled up into a tiny frame. “As much as I’d love to show you up, a bunch of jocks already called the next game.” He turns to her with a grin. “Find me later if you still want to play.”

*

She does find him later, when he’s leaning against the kitchen counter with a pizza in hand and a glass of cola in the other.

“Found you,” she chirps. “I believe you owe me a game of pool.”

“Can I at least finish my pizza first?”

“Nope! You can just eat on the way.”

*

Ajay figures out two things that night.

One: it is possible, even though he’d sworn up and down it wasn’t, that there was someone who was better than him at pool. He doesn’t know how to feel knowing that someone was a sprightly freshman with a knack for pulling out Ajay’s softer side.

Two: Cas’s hands are cold but soft. She also has victory dances, and Ajay thinks the cutest one is the one where she waves her body like she’s a piece of seaweed.

iii. the theater.

A quick glance to the clock tells him it’s nearing two am, and he’s been watching Cas nod off for the past twenty minutes, alternating between tipping over from sleepiness and jolting awake. He feels bad, because neither of them are in the beds they should be and it’s not like the theater comes with backup beds for events like this. A theater wasn’t built for overnight stays.

“Cas,” he murmurs, tapping her shoulder. She makes a little snuffling noise, nose wrinkling as she blinks her eyes open. “You should sleep on the seats instead of here.”

“‘M okay,” she says, shaking her head. “Not sleepy.”

“You’ve been falling asleep for the past twenty minutes.”

Her next words come in a drawl, pulled by a tired lull. “No,” she says. “No sleep. Don’t know sleep.”

Ajay stifles a laugh. He ducks so her arm goes around his shoulder, and gently, he pulls her up. She goes along like a doll, which is to say, she doesn’t go along at all. “C’mon,” he says, though it’s mostly to himself. “The stage isn’t the best place to sleep.”

“Stage is good,” she murmurs, but she stumbles alongside him. “Detective C no lie.”

He doesn’t justify her with a response. She wouldn’t be able to snipe back, anyways, not with how tired she was. Instead, he shakes his head fondly as he lowers her onto one of the seats. She takes to it immediately, curling up on her side. After a moment’s hesitation, Ajay shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over her, patting it down. He hopes it’ll keep some of the chill away.

He takes the floor, sprawling against carpeted hardwood floor. His back immediately twinges in pain, and using his arm as a pillow only increases comfort by a marginal amount. This wasn’t how he imagined spending his Friday night, but a glance to Cas mutes his rationality.

If anything, getting to spend time with Cas made up for all the wrongdoings.

Her hand is hanging over the edge of the chair, fingertips barely touching the floor, and he lets himself reach over, his own fingers falling just short of being able to touch hers. Maybe if they were in a different situation, he could hold her hand the way he wants to.

But he’s a director and she’s a cast member, and Ajay has always been a stickler for his own rules.

He pulls his hand back, drops it onto his stomach and turns so he doesn’t have to look at Cas. She’s always been optimism personified, a burst of sunlight through cloudy skies.

Ajay’s just awful at not chasing the sun.

iv. homecoming dance.

Homecoming was many things. Crowded, for one, with memories from a time he’d rather forget. There’s a reason he had no plans on showing up, but all it takes is Cas and one well placed set of puppy-dog eyes and he crumbles like a demigod beneath the skies.

They’re dancing, slowly and surely. She’s clumsy at first, but she learns rhythm and steps quicker than he had anticipated, stepping where appropriate with only occasional glances to their shoes. Ajay can’t help but think of the what-ifs again.

“What’s that move?” She suddenly asks as the song nears its end. “The one they do at the end of songs.”

Ajay knows exactly what move she’s talking about, and it’s almost too easy to tighten his hold on her. “I got you,” he says as he spins her into a low dip. He smiles at the noise of surprise she makes, feels a little satisfied with himself when her grip tightens around him like she’s scared of falling. Her eyes are wide with alarm, but they carry a little bit of reckless joy too.

“A little warning would’ve been nice,” she says. She’s trying for annoyed, he can tell, but he’s starting to learn it’s never been in her nature to be annoyed at anyone. It only takes a moment before she bursts with a dazzling grin, another that Ajay files away in ‘expressions I’d like to see again’.

“Where’s the fun in that?” Ajay replies as he pulls her up. She does a little twirl under his arm and he lets himself hold her hand for a moment longer. The grooves and planes of her hand feel familiar under his; soft, sure, right. But he pulls away, doesn’t let himself think about that in too much detail because he’s not supposed to and puts a small distance between them that feels like miles. He doesn’t miss the way she deflates a little, doesn’t miss the way disappointment sits on her shoulders.

He figures there’s no way someone like her—all starlight, moonlight, sunlight—would like someone like him.

v. accusations.

Ajay looks over when he hears the soft thud of a lunch tray. Cas is sitting across Rory, her expression upset as she pleads with her to talk. It’s courtesy, he tells himself, when he stands and tugs her sleeve, pulling her to the occupied end of the table. He knows, really, that he has no right to do that, especially after what he had accused Cas of.

“She hasn’t spoken since lunch started,” Ajay explains, and her face falls.

“Is it because of—”

“Of course it is!” Danielle snaps, and Cas jumps in her seat beside Ajay. His eyes immediately fall to his plate, fingers gripping his spoon tightly. He’s done enough damage on his own, and the production was relying on him and he can’t have a repeat— “Just get out of here already, you’ve made things bad enough.”

“Danielle!” Cas’s voice is sharp in reply, but it loses its impact as it breaks.

“What you did wasn’t cool,” Clint says. “Not to any of us.”

“You should find somewhere else to sit, because you’re not welcome here,” Natalie adds.

Ajay winces. He doesn’t have to look up to know what their faces look like; their words hurt alone. Quiet falls on the table and he can feel the weight of Cas’s eyes on him. He keeps his gaze low, pushes around his food until she stands.

“Fine,” she says. “I’ll just go.”

He finally lifts his eyes when the squeak of her sneakers grow fainter, turning to watch as she shoulders open the door towards the courtyard. He’s suddenly lost his appetite, and pushes his tray away from him.

A moment later, Erin and Skye hurry up to the table carrying trays of their own.

“Where’s Cas?” Skye asks, and Ajay points to the courtyard.

“She got kicked off the table,” he replies, and Danielle’s glare switches its focus to him, turning icy. He doesn’t dignify it with a response.

Skye rolls her eyes and marches off towards the courtyard. Erin looks towards the table, eyebrows furrowed before she says, “I’m really disappointed you’d all believe Cas could be capable of something so cruel. She really thought you guys were her friends.” Her words sit uncomfortably on the group as she follows Skye, and Ajay’s eyes follow them, watching as they take a seat at Cas’s table.

He watches as Cas shivers against the wind, and he feels the inexplicable urge to put his jacket over her shoulders, like they were locked in the theater together again.

But they’re not.

They’re on two different sides of a serious argument and Ajay has monumentally screwed up his production and his friendships again. He stands up and clears his tray before disappearing to the theater, where no one else has to follow him except his own ghosts.

vi. cas.

Cas has successfully avoided Ajay for the duration of the cast party. She’s ducked into her kitchen, hid in the bathroom, shoved a handful of fries into her mouth and bolted for the living room as soon as Ajay had spotted her. It’s a never-ending game of hide and seek, and she doesn’t intend to lose.

It’s backed by pride, she knows that, and hurt too.

As the party winds down, she lurks near the front door. Ajay had disappeared at some point, and it’s easy to assume he’s just gone home. It’s a relief, she thinks. The game is over, and she can return to moping by herself. She doesn’t know how much longer she could’ve lasted trying to hide from him.

“Cas?” Ajay’s voice comes from behind her, and she throws her arms up in surprise.

“Woah, did not see you there,” Cas says, turning around to face him. “You’re still here. I thought you went home or—or something. I haven’t seen you for a while.”

Ajay raises an eyebrow at her. “Yeah, someone’s been hiding from me all night.”

“Gosh,” Cas replies, “who could that be?”

She doesn’t want to fall back into a rhythm with him. He makes it too easy. She pulls at a stray thread on her sweater before Ajay sighs.

“Can we talk, actually?”

“We’re talking right now, aren’t we?”

“I mean privately, without anyone else around.” Ajay runs a hand through his hair before he says, “just to my car?”

And Cas, well, she’s never been the greatest at saying no to Ajay.

*

“I wanted to apologize,” Ajay murmurs. They’re leaning against his car, and Cas occupies herself by staring at her shoes. “Back when everyone accused you—I should’ve stayed neutral, or at least been more thorough in making sure the facts checked out. I let you down, and I’m sorry.”

“That’s not what…” Cas pauses. She wants the right words, but she’s never been like Ajay—never has been eloquent or as level-headed as him. “Ajay, I don’t care about the fact-checking, or the staying neutral. I care that you said I could’ve been capable of doing something like that, I care that you said it was ‘logical’ and that it made sense to you. I care that in the heat of the moment, you decided that the cleverness you liked meant that I could’ve done it.” She sucks in a breath, hands rubbing her arms. “I care that my friend turned his back on me, and he did it so easily.”

Ajay doesn’t respond. Cas glances over in his direction to see him with his face buried in his hands.

“Ajay?” She prompts. “You okay?”

“No,” he says. His voice comes out all muffled. “I asked you out here to apologize—I was so confident I had it all right and that I knew what I was apologizing for but I still—” He cuts himself off, hands falling to his sides. “I still messed it up.”

“You can try again, now that you know what I was actually upset about.”

“Would you hear it out?”

Cas gives him a warm smile. “When have I ever said no?”

Ajay takes in a deep breath before he turns to face Cas. His expression is determined and apologetic all at once. “Cas,” he starts, “I’m sorry, genuinely. I hurt you not just as a director, but as a friend. I shouldn’t have been so quick to decide which version of the story I believed, and I should’ve had more faith in you as a person. You were right, after all, and I’m sorry it took me so long to build up the courage to properly apologize to you.”

“I accept your apology,” Cas says. “And I forgive you.”

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

Ajay shakes his head, but the smile on his lips is warm and kind. Cas opens her mouth to say something before a cold gust of wind blows strongly, immediately bringing shivers from the both of them.

“How about we get into my car?” Ajay suggests. “I can turn on the heater.”

“I call shotgun!” Cas calls out, skipping around towards the passenger door.

*

“Sometimes I wonder where we would be if I didn’t audition for the play,” Cas says. She has her hands pressed up against the heater, fingers wiggling against the current of warm air. “Like, would we still be friends? Would we have gone through that huge theaterwide drama? Or would we just have been people with mutual friends?”

“Maybe we could’ve been something else,” Ajay replies. “That particular thought has crossed my mind a few times, even though it shouldn’t have, and I’ve probably rehearsed the next few words a hundred times.”

The words are so telling, and Cas pulls her hands away from the heater as she sits back against the seat. She glances over to him before her head tilts in a play of curiosity. “What words?”

“I don’t want to rush it, Cas,” Ajay says, but his eyes soften around the edges. “I just—don’t quite know how to say it.”

The smile Cas gives him is nothing short of encouraging, tinted with butterflies and longing glances. “Hey, take your time,” she says. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Ajay’s head thumps against the headrest. Cas snickers, before she schools her expression into something gentler. She watches as Ajay takes a deep breath, fingers drumming against the steering wheel before his eyes meet hers.

“I think you’re incredible, Cas,” Ajay says. “You’re incredible on stage, and offstage—every morning, I feel so lucky that I can say you’re important to me. I can’t imagine myself not caring about you.”

He pauses, before he says, “I like you, Cas. I like you a lot. Waiting for the show to end has been…” He trails off, letting the silence speak. “I liked working with you, and with everyone else. But I won’t lie and say that I haven’t been thinking of taking your hand every time an opportunity presented itself and asking if I could—” Ajay ducks his head, adjusting his glasses.

“Yeah?” Cas bites back a smile, eyes earnest as Ajay looks up with a smile of his own.

“Cas, can I kiss you?”

“That would be really nice.”

They share a laugh, a little break in the moment as they lean over the console. Cas zeroes in on the gentle touch of Ajay’s fingers on her hair, the feather-light affection when he tilts her chin up. It’s instinct when her eyes slide shut.

Their lips meet in a chaste, soft kiss—a brief touch that sends her heart racing. She feels her cheeks warm up intensely as Ajay pulls away, touching his forehead to hers.

“That was—wow,” she murmurs, and Ajay laughs, the sound soft as it suspends itself between them. “Your glasses are all fogged up now.”

“Small price to pay,” he replies.

She takes in Ajay, takes in all of him from the way his lips are tilted up in a smile to the expressions he reserves just for her to the way he’s always carried himself like he’s unshakeable. She sees him in all the ways that make her heart flutter, and all the ways he holds her steady.

“I like you a lot too, Ajay.”

[titsthedamnseason]

If you haven't done it already can you do headcanons about Julian's birthday?

bitch you know it asdfghj and by some miracle ive actually gotten these done before the two weeks that could potentially be his birthday are over so happy birthday julian!!

julian has never really had a big birthday celebration before

of course emma and the kids and diana always got him gifts and spoiled him

you know, doing chores for him, letting him relax for a day, stuff like that

but poor julian is a worrier so he’d always end up insisting to help anyway, saying that he wanted to

he even would always make the cake since no one else could

it wasnt until later that everyone realized that every time they had tried to spoil julian on his birthday, he turned it around on them, and he wound up doing most of the work

they are determined to make his 18th birthday different

helen and aline are more than capable of holding down the fort now

plus julian and emma take a break from their travel year for the holidays and are in the institute for julian’s birthday

which could be anytime from jan 1-15 but my personal hc is that it’s on new years day (wink wink)

so anyway julian and emma will be in la for his bday and julian is a lot more carefree this year so everyone is highkey determined to give him the best birthday this year

nobody wakes him up early, and after staying up so late the night before his normal internal clock doesnt wake him up as usual

at 12am everyone else shouted “happy new year!” and emma shouted “happy birthday julian!”

anyway when julian does wake up, later than usual, his first instinct is to shoot out of bed and get the kids breakfast but he takes a moment to himself to revel in the fact that this is his first birthday spent waking up next to emma as her boyfriend

emma seizes her moment and convinces him to stay for just a while longer, im sure the kids are fine, helen and aline have been taking care of them for months

julian gives her like five minutes of kisses and cuddles before beelining for the kitchen

he finds that everyone else has already been up for an hour or so and has already eaten breakfast

the second he enters the kitchen everyone yells “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and he is bombarded with hugs and drawings and cards and stupid gag gifts from the kids that he accepts with a smile cristina and mark both hug him as well and he’s pleasantly surprised to see them

(if you read my tda holiday hcs i made them leave before this point but awsxdcfvgyh they come back to surprise him)

he grabs a plate for himself reluctantly, wont stop apologizing to helen and aline that he overslept

they keep telling him they dont care but, surprise surprise, he’s not listening

when julian goes back to his room to get dressed he finds emma already ready with his favorite blue dress of her’s on and holding a present for him

his reaction is “oh that reminds me” and he pulls out another gift from under the dresser

emma is like ????? and julian is like “…for you” and emma is still like ????? so then julian explains “i got you a new year’s gift too”

emma is like fuck that shit this is a birthday gift asdfgyhu “who the fuck buys new year’s presents” “i dont know i love you” “i love you too but what the fuck julian now i look bad” “you couldnt look bad if you were trying”

anyway after emma gets it through julian’s head that he does deserve a birthday gift and no, she refuses to open up his gift to her on his birthday, nice try, julian, he opens it up

it’s a new blue shirt that almost exactly matches emma’s dress which is “an unfortunate coincidence”

he cant stop telling her it’s too much, you shouldnt have, and emma is like hoe you think im done??? think again

but actually she doesnt say that, she just says youre welcome asdfghyuj

anyway

they go meet everyone in their matching outfits and they all just hang around a bit, there isnt much else julian could ask for than to be with his family

but at lunch emma surprises julian with a picnic for the two of them at the beach

she promises that she didnt touch the food, she had aline make it all asdfrghy

once they finish emma gives julian more presents(“this is a prank right?” “am i laughing? actually i am but not because this is a prank, please just open the presents” ) 

the first is a whole set of paints and brushes and other art supplies i know nothing about, all custom made, the brushes with inscriptions on the handles( “jb” “as long as you exist and i exist i will love you” “i love you more than starlight”)

julian: where did you get that last quote from?

emma: i thought of it

julian: *melts*

he asks how she knew what supplies to get him and she told him how she saw him looking at all this stuff back in that shop in london and went back to get it for him

he’s so touched

he is already certifiably not okay™️ because the whole day has been against everything he’s ever known and he feels weird, he just wants to give something to someone, literally anyone

julian is so happy and when emma pulls out an envelope he has to bite his tongue to keep from saying “oh no not again”

emma just gives him a look when she sees him holding back asdfgbhgt

he’s preparing himself for some sort of long sentimental card from her that will probably make him cry but what he gets is worse

it’s just a piece of paper that says “im having so much fun on our date right now, but id love it even more if you came with me to the louvre to our next one”

julian is shooketh to a level beyond all levels

he cant imagine why emma looks so worried he wont like it

they laugh and hug and then proceed to kiss a lot before going back to the institute 

julian is ready to just chill now 

he comes in and there are decorations filling the entryway

a million balloons, streamers, banners

he looks at emma who just shrugs but she’s smiling so big and has a knowing look on her face 

there’s a beautifully decorated poster next to the staircase that says “TAKE ONE” and there’s a party hat for emma and a ridiculous crown for julian that says “it’s my birthday!” under it

they follow a trail of posters with arrows on them to the living room(im pretty sure they dont call it that but the room with the computer in it is where they always hang out so that’s what i mean awsedfvgbh)

everyone yells “SURPRISE” when they walk in and julian is sure he’s in a permanent state of shock

like yes he just followed an entire trail of arrows to get here but it’s still so much more than he expected

they eat pizza and play music and all just hang out and it’s a fun time

at one point julian goes to adjust his crown but everyone thought he was taking it off and yelled at him aesdxcfvgbh

they play stupid party games like pin the tail on the donkey(which theyre all good at since theyre shadowhunters asdfghjui) and charades and stuff like that

everyone gives julian more presents and he thinks he might combust

they sing to him and have cake

they give him one more gift after they sing and it’s a photo album of julian and his siblings and emma through the years

there are ones of baby emma and jules playing to 12 year old julian intently speaking to ty and livvy to 14 year old julian reading with tavvy to 17 year old julian laughing with dru to ones with helen, mark, aline, and cristina in them and ones from the travel year and julian is amazed

he’s so touched and he’s proud that he only cries a little

a little after that everyone starts getting tired since they stayed up until midnight the night before

diana goes home, tavvy goes to bed, followed by dru and ty shortly after

when julian hugs ty on his way out he almost feels like livvy is there too, and he doesnt understand why ty goes pale when julian tells him, julian worries he shouldnt have said anything before ty just smiles and says “good” before walking out

everyone else goes to bed shortly after

julian and emma are laying in julian’s bed when she pulls out a card for him, but tells him it’s nothing special

he opens it and begs to differ

the front of the card says “so many ways to say i love you” and she has filled the inside with ways she said it over the years

“protecting you in fights”

“i’ll put the kids to bed tonight”

“i would do anything for you, jules”

“we’re parabatai, we can do this”(julian doesnt like this one)

“take a break”

“please stay”

“i need you”

“your hair is a mess”(“really emma? “shut up”)

the list goes on until it ends with “i love you. love, emma”

they are both crying at the end

“i love you so much, emma”

“i love you, t––”

she doesnt get to finish

they have more important things to get to and, needless to say, they dont get much sleep that night either

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP. 6

Last Time on Grand Theft Auto:

Tsubasa recovers from the world’s gayest coma as Hibiki trains her mind while putting aside such silly concepts as “the love of my life” and “literally being with my girlfriend.” After cooling Miku’s paranoia with her brand new washboard abs, Genjuro prepares the team for a pizza run across the city to deliver a dangerously hot pizza pie named Durandal. Chaos emerges as the delivery is intercepted by a rival pizza gang, lead by the nefarious Gremlin known as Yukine Chris. But, before the pizza could be claimed, dedicated pizza deliverywoman Hibiki not only steals it back, but eats it, harnessing the power of the pizza and unleashing cheesy pasta based chaos around the location.

Ryoko is so into it that she taps into her superpowers and protects Hibiki after she passes out. The delivery is considered a failure, and no tip is given.

And so, the journey continues...

Meanwhile, in this weird, tricked out mansion...

Chris meditates on some water metaphors of her own.

“that pacman colored freak took only touching it to activate a cheap ass french sword that gave her weird demon powers and its taken me YEARS to use this dumb stripper outfit and the funny cane that goes with it, what the FUCK man, what even is my life”

“maybe... maybe honeybaked hams ARE that powerful...”

“NO! turkey is the superior meat! it’s healthier, lower in fat, and way more tasty! fuck you! i’ll get my goddamned revenge!”

Chris begins musing about Fine’s motivations to capture Hibiki; during these, we’re treated to some brief image flashbacks of Chris’s life.

Suddenly, those jokes about food are a lot less funny.

It doesn’t take a genius to put two and two together as to why this young woman is helping a strange nudist dominatrix spread alien terror across the city of mumblednoises, Japan. She doesn’t really have many an option on the table. It’s either help the weird kinkster with her plans, or die.

Despite everything, she has a high opinion of Fine, for the same reasons someone might have a high opinion of a television show if it were the only show they were ever exposed to. She is deeply afraid of being alone again, because she has lived through such misery that the very thought of existing out in the cold again terrifies the shit out of her.

The Sun rises casually amidst Chris’s thoughts.

“ah shit. it just hit me. i literally have spent the entire night standing here instead of actually going the fuck to sleep. goddamnit.”

On such a devious metaphorical twist, Fine stands behind her as the Sun rises.

“yeah, jokes on you. i couldnt sleep for shit either. turns out, all nude, no blankets? in japan? real bad idea.”

“thats why i decided to GO GOTH, babey! whattaya think? do i give those witchy vibes, huh? real ‘black magic woman’ santana hours? feeling cute, gonna head out with the girls and summon satan in the woods kinda aesthetic looking shit? come on, be real with me. does this not look baller?”

“you look like morticia decided to go to the grocery store to buy some wonder bread, but other than that, its a step up from your usual pussy out attitude, so sure”

“you know i decided to get some brain cells on loan from Brain Cells R Us, and ive been thinking this solomon cane stuff is solomon lame. i dont need this dumb oversized harry potter cosplay prop to get shit done. also, murder is... sorta bad? im still trying to get the brain cell stuff down.”

“i can punch just as good as goody two shoes if not better.”

“lol go do it then champ, im gonna go cut down a forest of trees now”

And so, they both just kinda... stand there.

“QUACK, NEXT SCENE, QUACK”

Meanwhile, Tsubasa is rapidly trying to rehabilitate herself from her wounds like walking like a madman, her IV drip presumably filled with Taco Bell brand Doritos Locos Tacos super spicy nacho cheese. Taco Bell: Live Mas.

“im gonna clear every fucking taco bell in your goddamned memory, kanade”

“think outside the bun! wait, what? that was a taco bell slogan? ah fuck it, im dead. what nerd’s gonna try and correct me?”

“i would, kanade. i am that nerd.”

Tsubasa is hell bent to try and understand Kanade’s simple philosophy of helping others selflessly. Unfortunately, when Kanade died, she took all the brain cells between them in the process, so coming to this epiphany is a work in progress.

“listen its a fucking miracle you are 1. alive and 2. able to have your blood run on the garbage melted plastic taco bell tries to dupe people into believing is cheese so why dont you just lie down and think of better franchises to eat from”

“no! you dont understand! taco bell is a franchise of the PEOPLE! their meals are cheap and filling and- and the chicken quesadillas are of good quality for their price! i promised kanade- my vow to the death. taco bell... ergh... now and forever... i-”

“wait. my gay senses are tingling.”

It’s Hibiki, probably running track with Miku.

“oh yeah... her... i should probably apologize to her. about trying to kill her. and then letting her almost be kidnapped. and just giving her a general hard time about something that wasn’t explained to her in the slightest for months. she’s a good bean.”

Tsubasa proceeds to never canonically apologize to Hibiki throughout the entirety of all 4 seasons of Symphogear.

Look at em run. See, it’s a metaphor, because they haven’t communicated yet and they’re running from their problems! But they’re running towards Tsubasa, who is part of the representative problem these two share! Clearly literary genius.

It’s like someone went halfway into writing an NTR plotline and went “maybe this isn’t a good idea to market our songs on.”

Hibiki is still thinking about her Hellshake Yano moment with Durandal. Mainly how she nearly killed someone with it. Hibiki is very starkly in the “killing is bad, and wrong” camp of morality, a trait currently unique to her that she’ll wind up teaching literally everyone else she meets one way or another.

Some could argue the L stands for Lydian, and they’re wrong. It stands for Lesbian.

“that was one hell of a run, hibiki! im pooped! why dont we go to the locker room and call it a day, have a nice shower and just get some dinn-”

“this is the last straw.

i clean your plates. i cook your food. we eat, shit, shower, and sleep in the same FUCKING area, and this is how you repay me? huh? you think being your wife is easy shit, hibiki? half the damn time you’re running off like clark kent having food poisoning and the other half ive gotta babysit you, the emotional equivalent of a preteen clown, to make sure your life doesn’t self destruct harder than Atlantis sinking into the ocean. im done! i am DONE. im reopening my tinder, im slamming my ass BACK into okcupid, and im gonna date some CUTE ACADEMY GIRLS that treat me BETTER than this ABSOLUTE BETRAYAL OF HEART AND IM NOT CRYING I SWEAR ITS JUST THE SWEAT IN MY EYES AND HIBIKI HOW COULD YOU-”

“oh yeah, sure! hey, lemme just do a few more laps, ive just been feeling judgmental about myself and my figure, you know? gotta push myself further...”

“o-oh yeah, sure. no worries, ill wait for you. love you too, hibiki...”

The girls bathe together, as good friends typically do.

“hey you ever notice the showers here have like, weird psuedo-luxurious minipools to bathe in? like, how rich is this school?”

“whoever made this place is either rich or a pervert. or both, probably!”

Miku remarks that Hibiki has changed since she’s entered Lydian, in a manner most unheterosexual.

“oh FUCK you really DO have washboard abs now! ohhh my god.”

“damn, those abs were heavenly. let’s get pancakes later.”

I won’t screenshot it but something to note is that they actually wear each other’s corresponding underwear colors (or even, if you want to examine more closely, each other’s underwear). Here’s an equivalent scene to give you the mental image.

This is the face of someone who knows what they want and already have it. Such is the power of Kohinata Miku.

Meanwhile, Genjuro comes back from the funeral of the guy the Americans filled violently and with impunity.

“yo that all black look looks baller. i should borrow that look... id look pretty gothy in it.”

“ryoko i sympathize with your sharp, fashionista eye but this was for a funeral, i was paying my respects to the dead. thats the usual dress code.”

“didnt know they updated that. i remember back in my day, we just went in white garments and chanted in latin!”

“shit was fire. literally. lots of funeral pyres.”

“lmao ryoko buddy your larping sessions arent actual history”

“hey dont shit on larping around me. i used to be a professional larper while i was majoring in acting. helped really sell my career when i had to pretend to slay the Dark Lord Jyarloen atop the mountain of skulls in Hargobor after my family was killed by the Dark Army. asshole.”

“haha yeah, larping, thats cool yeah, i do that

i...

i larp.”

“oh yeah? you wanna join my larping session sometime then? we’re gonna do an ancient babylon plot thats inspired by some anime, itll be fun”

“.....................................im super into realism.”

“i know im dressed for a funeral but id like to not part ways with my dignity yet. besides, we’ve got serious shit to talk about. basically, we’re on the verge of getting shitcanned.”

As it turns out, the death of this politician removed the last obstacle of opposition to maintain the 2nd Division, as the average criticism against the 2nd Division is “why are we funding this mystery division when we don’t know what they do”. Of course, the sensible idea for an organization that defeats the Noise is to declassify it, given people of different jobs and positions have physically seen the Symphogear in action, but you know. “Oh no, the other governments will come after us” stick gets shaken.

“im in a union. i know my rights. you’re not taking my acting job here away from me.”

“im not going back to be a preschool teacher. its been ten year. the bites on my ankles still havent healed...”

“yeah man, shit sucks ass. i cant fund my adoption habits if im fired.”

Look at these cinematic parallels. Symphogear truly is a franchise made by someone living in 3030.

“worst part is the new minister is super into america. he’s a... westaboo.”

“a westaboo?”

“westaboo?”

“did he just unironically say westaboo”

“he said westaboo. oh my god. this is the hell timeline.”

“i mean people kept calling me that for worshipping all these fighting flicks so i guess it fit? i dont see the problem here”

Meanwhile, in Lydian Academy...

“so it hit me, right? we’re ALL girls. and we ALL sing. now, humor me a moment. what if... what if we’ve all been recruited to potentially be superheroes... through our singing? like, there’s no coincidence that all this shit happens around us, right? and a famous singer LIVES here? i saw the black cars outside! weird shit is happening here- im not even gonna eat the all you can eat bar anymore!”

“kathy there is literally no such thing as superheroes who sing. this place is more likely to be a organ harvesting op than whatever madness you’re saying”

“what? you need me, a singing superhero, to go stop a problem happening underneath the school, a location meant to recruit young women into potentially becoming fellow crime fighting singers?”

“yeah im too busy poppin’ caps in asses so go kick ass in my place”

“sure!”

“.....................................who ya talkin to, hibiki?”

“the boss! gotta go do a thing again...”

“hibiki, i dont like the fact that capitalism is tearing us apart.”

“you’ve gotta join me in the revolution, hibiki. you. me. luxury automated gay space communism. aint it the dream? share my vision, hibiki. its glorious.”

“n... no...? no gay space communism today? well, what about tomorrow? or the next day? or... maybe the next day? baby steps, you say? but, direction action, hibiki! we’ve gotta strike now!”

“it’s okay hibiki. when i take over the world and destroy all first world government leaders, and unite the globe in my encompassing reign and love... ill make sure to spare you, and be my bride to be.”

“thanks miku. im just not ready yet for the globe to burn in an unending ball of fire as the continents fuse into a new utopia composed of our combined wills. also, ive really gotta go, its genuinely an emergency.”

“for the cause!”

“yes hibiki... for the cause...”

Admittedly, you can see the stages of grief Miku goes through when she sees Hibiki say she can’t join her for pancakes. It’s sad. This side story sucks.

Meanwhile, as it turns out, the problem Hibiki needed to resolve was checking on Tsubasa to see if she hadn’t dissolved into Taco Bell brand hot n’ spicy Tabasco sauce.

“god, cant believe taco bell was closed. now i gotta deliver these lame ass flowers”

“cant wait to get threatened again. wonder what she’ll say. ‘hibiki, i should have killed you when i had the chance.’ or ‘you’re so goddamned weak. i could break your spine with my fingernail’, or some other stuff about metaphors. oh, my stops here”

“HEY BITCH WHATS GOOD-”

“HOLY SHIT”

“you are already”

“dead.”