#ive just been re-reading the post trying to understand it

[pompadourpink]

hi ive always wanted to learn french but i dont have a lot of time and not really discipline either what is your advice? thank you, love your blog

Hello,

About the time: you don't need that much. Fifteen minutes every day is better than five hours once a year.

About the discipline: you don't need that much if you know why you're here. Make a list of small goals and try to hit one every week (read an article about fashion, translate a chapter of your favourite children's book, watch a Bluey episode, write a diary entry). Have a bigger one, like chatting with natives when you visit in Year X, get a picture of the city you're going to, frame it, put it up.

If feasible, book me! If you are a student, I take 25 euros (or US$27 or £21) an hour - and if your currency makes it hard, I'm always open to discussion! I have been blogging since 2016 so reading the blog and exploring tags will help but having someone experienced signal the right direction is very valuable to avoid learning blindly or memorising the wrong rule or pronunciation, etc.

What fifteen minutes look like:

1/ Re-read what you read yesterday, study your notes: read them out lout (la chaise - the chair), repeat them while looking away, write them down again, hide one half then the other, from top to bottom then from bottom to top. I recommend Notion for this, handwritten notes get messy.

Do an activity: the Linguno A1 crossword in level, theme and present conjugation (move up when you get bored) is great. When you get better, you can write down what you did yesterday or record yourself summarising something out.

Reading: anything you like as long as it's fun, whether it is a Reddit post, a newspaper article, your daily horoscope, or a few pages from a children's book or comic.

I understand that a lot of reading may seem like a narrow way to learn but I have been doing this job for almost four and a half years and one thing is clear: trying to simultaneously learn every aspect of another language, let along one that has very little to do with your own, is the best way to get discouraged.

Reading will get you to learn vocabulary, understand how syntax word, memorise conjugation, get you an idea of when to use what tense, which will then make your life easy when you start listening, speaking, or writing, because you know how the choreography goes, you just need a minute to put your feet down.

Hope this helps and good luck! x

[fizzbot]

APOLOGY TOUR SPOILERS / HELLUVA BOSS CRITICAL POST

(please just dont read if youre a fan/are gonna be annoying in my tags/replies)

i LOVE verosika. i was super excited to see an episode all about her. she has EVERY right to be mad at blitz, and i do enjoy seeing things from the perspective of his victims. BUT.....i was really disappointed in her portrayal in apology tour. MOSTLY just because i was dissapointed in stolas portrayal in apology tour, and think this ep wouldve been better if it was more about BLITZ instead. rant under the cut

im not gonna give the whole rant about how annoying it is that stolas is constantly woobified, because 100 critical blogs have done it much more gracefully than i ever could. but it is just SO dissapointing to watch a man that couldve been SUCH a compelling villain be the ONLY one who is EVER sympathized with in the show. we are supposed to feel bad for him and believe that both sides are wrong in the stolitz situation, when stolas' crimes are SO MUCH WORSE than all of blitzs bad deeds combined. he co-erced blitz into a sex contract as the only means of doing his job, and then made HIM feel guilty for not falling n love with him during it. the 'both sides are in the wrong' comment gets particularly frustrating when the show has, tme and time again, only let stolas be the one with support. blitz is made to look unreasonable, no matter how right he is. and, in this instance, stolas is the one getting invited to this party to celebrate being ""wronged"" by blitz.

back to verosika. especially now that the episode is out, i am even more firmly on her side. the fact that blitz broke up with HER because things were getting too serious is interesting (albiet not as interesting as i think it couldve been but thats a rant for another post). im not saying she should forgive blitz, but i do struggle to fully agree with her because of how she treated stolas in the episode. she is the first to comfort him, the first to try and encourage him to shit-talk blitz, etc etc and i just dont understand.....why?

ive already had problems with her character since the sexual assault ""joke"" from spring broken, but this also really left a bad taste in my mouth. i totally understand her desire to party and sympathize with other people who were harmed by blitz, but its frustrating that stolas was invited to be among them. stolas, the man who is very much NOT THE VICTIM in his relationship with blitz. this is more the fault of the writers than verosika herself, but it is SO FRUSTRATING that she gave him the spotlight and is trying to help him heal from a situation that is ENTIRELY HIS FAULT. stolas didnt just hurt blitzs feelings, he sexually coerced and abused him. of all people, shouldnt verosika understand how terrible that can be? the kind of hurt that can do to a person? im not saying that this terrible relationship FORGIVES blitz's wrongdoings, but you shouldnt be giving his fucking abuser a stage and a microphone to talk shit about his victim. this becomes so much more insidious to me with the conversation she has with blitz on the balcony, later. this was actually a pretty good scene imo but it could certainly be better.

this is much more opinionated and i wouldnt be surprised if even the critical community isnt with me on this one, but i long for an alternate verson of this episode thats focused on verosika being on blitz's side, instead. its been over 5 years since they dated, and even though she is still allowed to be mad, it would be nice to see that shes moved on. maybe give her a new partner like barbie wire and let her throw these parties just so she can look back and laugh and help blitz's other victims heal in the same way that she has. not to bring up an also not-great show, but in rick and morty, we see a relationship between rick and one of his ex-partners named unity. they were really terrible for each other, enabling bad/unhealthy behaviors, generally being awful. their break-up was messy, but in recent seasons, we see unity coming back, upon hearing that rick was doing something self-destructive. they worried about him, because a part of them still cared, as much as they were hurt by his actions. i would have LOVED to see a similar thing with blitz and verosika, where verosika finds out about the relationship blitz is trapped in/just got out of. i think it would be SO MUCH MORE naratively interesting, for her to be supportive of his little apology tour, and maybe even inviting HIM to the "blitzo sucks" party. not everyone (or anyone) needs to forgive him; in fact, i think coming to this party would give him perspective. his relationship with stolas has hurt him so badly, he can finally step back and understand the harm that he did to all these people. the apologies that he gave, as he admits in the episode, were shallow. but i think framing stolas as the toxic one would be better in helping him realize that he has done wrong more than what the show is currently doing. and maybe some people at the party WILL forgive him. maybe he can apologize on the stage, and some people will empathize with his situation and believe that the apology is genuine, because hes finally had to be on the other end of his own hurt. and maybe THAT would be the first step in helping blitz realize that maybe he isnt completely unlovable, because there are people who cared about him enough to be THIS DEVASTATED upon getting their heart broken by him. a conversation with verosika about what he did to her would hit so much harder after this, imo

anyway. im sorry if this is completely incoherent/a bad point. i was just thinking about it and i am so sick of everyone being a stolas apologist </3

[fraternum-momentum]

This is so so stupid but I got very happy when I read in your strawpage you are from 2003 too, I've lurking around seeing your art ever since DOL caught my eye and you're one of my favourite artists so having that bit in common is cool! I also love your DOL designs, especially Kylar's and Whitney's but the fave gotta be your PC she's so pretty! Seeing your fanarts keeps tempting me into posting dol art of my own so if I ever draw dol I'll draw our wet cat (Kylar) together >:)

Also if you haven't played Fields of Mistria or Homicipher I definitely recommend them! The first one is similar to Stardew Valley in the sense you're a farmer, you can decorate your house and romance any of the bachelors/bachelorettes but this one is more fantasy-like and the artstyle reminds me of 80s anime and Sailor Moon. The second came out recently and I haven't played it yet but I saw the trailer and some fanarts; you wake up in a terrifying unknown world where you have to survive and the romance options are very creepy men, one of the appeals of this one is trying to learn the world's language, it looks fun

Wish you a nice weekend! PS: Is it ok to follow you if I like South Park? I know DOL is darker when it comes to sexual stuff but just in case I prefer to ask boundaries

HELL YEAA '03 BABIESS 🤝🤝 ngl that dol era was probably peak bc i was fucking around with a lot of my mooties and just interacting with the fandom in general, it was so funnnn :3 and ky and whit r probably the most popular ones out of the 4 school li's (designwise my favs r still my fallen syds bc pretty) so understandable (⌒_⌒)d

but thats insane that u find my pc pretty bc thats probably the most boring, most generic looking self insert ever 😭😭😭😭 so many people have cooler looking pcs out there so im flattered that u like mine 😭😭😭 ??????? for some reason 😭 ??????????

and you totally should !!!! (if u want to of course) despite me not posting as much dol as i used to i still love seeing dol fanart !! but do whatevr ur heart desiresss and no pressure :3

and i've actually been following the development of fields of mistria ever since i saw march in my twt feed !! i just want to wait for the full release so i dont have to keep repeating playthroughs n stuff (its the same with hades 2, i just tried out the beta test bc its free so i went why not lmao)

OKAY. I KNOW i said im gonna play homicipher but like,,,,,,,,, this is def just a me thing but when everyone keeps saying to play this thing or watch this thing (arcane,,,, homicipher,,,) it just disincentivises me to do it 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 especially when i know im gonna like the thing. IDK WHY,,,, maybe its kinda like the same philosophy as someone telling u to do the dishes when ur alr on ur way to do the dishes and like ok i dont want to do it anymore ?? idkkk its weirdd

Re: P.S. you can follow me from whatever fandom ur in ! as long as youre not a minor and u have either 'adult' or your age in bio then its all good

SORRY I WAS KINDA CONFUSED AS TO WHO U WERE TALKING ABT I THOUGHT IT WAS THE HORSE 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 i think u meant celia from tpof :3 ? that's probably one of my favorite drawings ive done ! i dont remember how i did it anymore thou,,,,,,,,

AND YEAA!!! i used to be an infamous irumatsu shipper back when i was active on my main on insta ! my silly lesbiabs,,,,,,,,,, they r everything to me,,,, my favorite chara is shuichi tho ♡

CATCHING UP WITH LORE 😭😭 U DONT HAVE TO DO ALL THAT,,, u arent missing out on much dw 😭 ty tho,,

weirdly enough i never got into creepypastas. i def stumbled into them from time to time like slenderman, jeff the killer, ben drowned n shit but i think ever since i got scared shitless by the smiledog.jpeg (??) i never stepped my foot into creepypasta territory ever again 😭😭😭😭😭 ok i like horror but im really really bad with jumpscares and suspence and stuff. i get scared easily orz,,

ive heard of it ! seen a lot of (really insane) fanart for it !! havent played it tho but i like some of the designs :3 i keep seeing the guy with the horns? malleus ? hes cute,, well tbh all of them r cute so its a hard choice

[sammygender]

hi.. erm im back (anon from the last 2 asks) (im too scared to un-anon sorry) i want to ask (another) genuine question abt wincest because ur the nicest person ive ever met who's willing to talk abt it from both sides.

i guess i just don't get why people ship wincest? background: im aromantic and have a hard time understanding certain shippy stuff, but i do notice alot of arophobic statements in regards to the evidence given as to why people ship. ex: a lot of "brothers don't look at each other like that." type things. (which i know is not wincest exclusive and is often used by destiel shippers too)

also i notice alot of people being quite amatonormative (definition: the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance.) so it's hard to even take wincest shippers seriously when all their evidence tends to be perpetuating arophobic sentiments and stuff.

we can all agree that their relationship is seriously unhealthy. but i just have a hard time with it being even borderline incestuous. i also really like the idea of relationship anarchy (definition: relationships within this structure are fluid, and therefore have no solid differentiation between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.) so to me it's like. well it's platonic because they say it is? only the people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is and they have?

anyways i know im throwing a lot of words and definitions at you. you're just extremely helpful to talk to and i like what you have to say, so id be extremely interested in your opinions about this.

hi anon!!! im so sorry i literally yapped like crazy in response to this. had no idea i was capable of this much thought on this topic. everything is under the read more

TLDR for the TLDR: for me the 'borderline incestuous' nature of their relationship isnt actually the way they act with each other cause i do think boundaries of romantic/platonic r weird and fake (tho by normal 'societal standards' sam and dean r strange). its more the framing of it by the narrative and genre conventions of spn as a horror. i think. <3

everything im abt to say has been written on at length by much smarter people than me - if ur interested i probably have reblogged other peoples posts on similar topics and tagged them somewhere under #poison in the water and maybe #she walked in on us. i am SO sorry for the mountain of yap you have unleashed.

before i rly start, re: talking abt the concept of wincest from different angles/sides - its honestly so totally beyond me why people dont actually DISCUSS this stuff more. ofc wincest shippers are sometimes obnoxious when they go ‘NORMAL BROTHERS DON’T ACT LIKE THIS!!!’ over anything (like i personally don’t like the whole ‘sam and dean are OBVIOUSLY in love because they bring each other back from the dead!!’ thing. like why is that romantic. i’d try my hardest to bring my siblings back from the dead too.) but like u said pretty much all shippers do that. i think people are (UNDERSTANDABLY) squicked out by the idea of incest, even fictional, and have an immediate kneejerk reaction when people ‘corrupt’ their favorite characters by talking abt it in relation to them. and i completely understand just not wanting to engage with readings you find uncomfortable or odd!! TV can just be escapism there’s nothing wrong with that!! but i tend to find immediate negative reactions against anything that even ACKNOWLEDGES the incestuous subtext in spn uncharitable and annoying. for one, incest is a real thing that happens and its not shipping goggles or creep behavior to look at fiction through the lens of it, just as its not whatsoever unreasonable to look at, for example, the azazel demon blood storyline as a CSA allegory (again of course all this is real heavy and just one interpretation and absolutely no hate for fans who like… just don’t want to think like this <3). for two, i do think there is an undercurrent of it written into supernatural with intentionality to further the themes of familial horror.

so to kind of…. explain i guess… why i say i can see canonical backing for sam and dean’s relationship as incestuous or incestuous-adjacent (lol), i have to go back to the general incest subtext in supernatural as a whole, from a completely academic-interest and not at all shippy way. like i said ofc SPN is primarily a show about FAMILY HORROR - ‘family is hell’, to quote eric kripke in the pilot commentary. or at least this is how i view it; a lot of destiel fans, for example, tend to see it more as…. idk really, i don’t claim to have much contact with them, but certainly not usually a horror. an action-adventure. a western. a story about a Tragic American Hero (sorry im being tongue in cheek and bitchy). i think viewing the show with a sam-focused lens tends to make you view it as horror for… a lot of reasons which i won’t get into here. but i PERSONALLY - getting off track here, sorry - view it as horror. that’s what he originally intended, and it’s what supernatural is most successful at doing. and incest in horror, especially gothic horror, especially gothic horror about the family and the home, is well-trodden territory (where’s my essay from last term about incest in wuthering heights where i somehow ended up, while researching, on an essay about wincest itself). - and supernatural is full of allusions to it. azazel’s silhouette in the pilot as intentionally strikingly similar to john’s, when he first feeds sam demon blood (framed as a CSA allegory, whether intentional or not). then azazel actually possessing john later. mary making the deal that dooms her family for years after via kissing her father on the mouth. hunting portrayed as something abnormal, irregular, taboo in direct opposition to a ‘normal family’ (tho abuse also comes from the nuclear family etc etc). then you can look at sam and dean specifically….

from the pilot, you have the woman in white telling sam, who has just left to go on a roadtrip with his brother, that he’s about to be unfaithful to jess; even if this could technically be said to be about the fact she then attempts to assault him (tho that doesn’t really fit with woman in white lore?? she goes after people who have already cheated…), it’s still portraying jess and dean as innately in opposition, just as jess has to die in order for sam to join dean. all the loaded lines about ‘the way they were raised’ - dean telling sam he can’t escape it. supernatural is clear: the rot is IN the family.

OF COURSE all of this can equally just be about familial abuse!! and IS about familial abuse!! but the way the story unfolds DOES position sam and dean in…. shall we say Roles. sam is the feminised ‘bitch’ to dean’s ‘jerk’; they’re mistaken for a couple in 1x08, in 1x18, in 2x16, in s8; they’re compared to bonnie and clyde, to mallory and mickey, serial killer lover duos. crowley tells dean, ‘you’re lying to sam like he’s your wife’. dean says, at a later opportunity, ‘what about sam? does he want a divorce?’. an ANGEL tells their HALF BROTHER that sam and dean are ‘psychotically, irrationally, EROTICALLY codependent’. dean himself is unable to name what’s between them, explicitly saying ‘love, family, whatever it is’ (which is just SUCH an odd line. Like it’s love and family between you two Dean is it not??? Why are you acting like neither of those words describe it???). then there’s the way jensen and jared act it, their physicality, eg. sam looking genuinely like he’s about to pull dean in for a kiss during playthings 2x16… i also find the whole ‘brothers don’t look at each other like that!!’ annoying, but tbh, they do give each other wild looks sometimes. the end of wendigo sticks out to me whenever i watch it as a genuine ‘why is jared/sam looking at jensen/dean like that… what possessed him…’.

wait another addition - when i first wrote this i also totally forgot about 4x14 sex and violence, which iirc has dean’s siren, originally described only in terms of sex/romance, literally telling him ‘i should be your little brother’. of course the concept of a siren that isn’t really about sex or even romance is really interesting and one valid reading - and also lends itself to a reading of dean as aro which i rly like. but i don’t think that reading is any more or less valid than the more obvious one. (irrelevant side bar but there’s a 2003 sociology book about sibling incest that i read for an essay on wuthering heights called ‘Siblings: Sex and Violence and that makes me go ??? every time i think about the episode. Literally what. That has to be a coincidence. But??)

i think in regards to why people ‘ship’ wincest, a lot of it is of course just that they just kind of See It, for whatever reason. whether it’s the thematic (which i talked on at length already sorry <3) or just the way they look at each other or just because jared and jensen are hot or just because they think it’s really interesting to explore an added dimension to sam and dean’s already messed up relationship. same with destiel, same with sastiel, same with whatever, like u said. shipping culture in general IS hugely amatonormative - people love to declare wide statements about what people who are In Love do and don’t do, which are always silly and shallow. partly why i don’t really consider myself as someone who ships things in general.

i also totally agree w u that only people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is. im not aro but i also really like the concept of relationship anarchy. however, when i see the incestuous subtext between sam and dean, it’s more in a media studies way than in a way of analysing their actual Relationship (though to be fair i’m not a wincest shipper); eg. asking the question why is their relationship portrayed ‘like that’, and what does that say about the themes of spn itself. also it is just an interesting concept to a lot of people.

TLDR the reason i can view sam and dean’s relationship as borderline incestuous isn’t due to their codependency, or dean’s intense possessiveness, or how close they are, or because they spend all of their time together, or because they’ve brought each other back from the dead multiple times and get suicidal without each other. this is even though in our society all that together IS often coded as romantic/sexual and is definitely acknowledged in that lens by the writers (hence constant comparison of them to married couples) - because it could also just as equally be completely platonic and completely insane and the result of the world’s worst trauma bond (the latter which it CERTAINLY is <3). when i talk abt canonical backing for their relationship as borderline incestuous, it’s more about the narrative framing and context surrounding it. at the very least, their relationship is ‘abnormal’, deviant (meant in the most literal meaning as an digression from social norms); different from accepted ‘sibling relationships’, pointed out by the characters around them. <- none of this makes any sense but its 3am and im on tumblr so its ok.

feel free to dm also if u want to or just send an ask back!! and also ofc feel free to argue with/disagree with me in any way u like. or ask wtf i mean by anything cause i talk too much. tbh from what u say it sounds like u just don’t really vibe with shipping culture in general (might be an assumption sorry if so) which i totally understand/agree w. but i hope i answered ur question in some way somehow

[melljam]

gosh this facial expression samuel makes is sooo interesting to me >_<

looong analysis below

only skimmed over some chapters to find it so im not sure if this is necessarily always the case but so far, all the instances ive seen of it have been in relation to samuels inferiority complex and jake

all of situations have been ones where samuel is evidently unstable (because of jake) and yet he can still look strangely calm while being in a manic state , which is considerably unsettling and adds some depth to his unwell behavior beyond “i will beat your ass reeeaally hard” (which is fun but ouhh the psychological aspects of his fights are so interestingg)

-> first image (and its context)

from chapter 311, samuels cruel treatment of the big deal girls prompt them to protest the conditions that he is forcing them to work in to make a 100k won in a month. yeonhui tries to bring up jake and how he would never do this to them and samuel immediately responds by trying to hit her (thank god jerry intervened)

when i first read this chapter and saw this scene i was so enamored with it because oh my god . its just so indicative of samuels character and how much his feelings of inferiority get to him. he doesnt care that he was about to hit yeonhui in front of everyone, he only knows that she compared him to jake and insinuated that jake is better than him, which strikes his sorest spot in the worst way possible (and no one truly understands why)

samuel got a lot more expressive after the big deal arc but his eyes in that picture say so much . he is brimming with rage and jealously over the mere mention of jakes name and comparison to him. the implication that jake could have done better, would have done better, than him just destroys any of his self esteem and sense of achievement while also bringing back all of the grief over feeling like he is no longer on equal footing with jake. he is being reminded of how he is now below him in every aspect (morally, family-wise due to gapryong, and later on in terms of strength since he loses against jake)

he is overwhelmed with his emotions and the only way that it can play out on his face is with a seemingly neutral expression displaying a crazed ache deeply ingrained into his eyes

-> second and third image

from chapter 466, during jake and samuels fight while samuel is drugged to give him a heightened feeling of inferiority and subsequent mania (or ‘frenzy’ as the official translation puts it)

all of his insecurities and terrible feelings are being intensified and it is absolutely not being helped by the fact he is fighting jake, the catalyst for his inferiority complex.

he is also remembering (and experiencing in his delusions) the sequence of events that happened during middle school: meet his real dad and committing patricide, learning that jake is gapryongs son, failing to receive guns approval twice, and becoming goos secret friend

(okay this is a side tangent but i love how this chapter was written to include all of that. the scene where samuel chokes alexander and sees his dad in him, the way he saw middle school jake and his own middle school self after re-realizing that jake is gaps son, the way he keeps on quoting people to show how much those events still affect him. its all written so gut wrenchingly well. i love the mental anguish)

he is effectively feeling his worst throughout this entire fight, and his face spells it outright for us

the second picture is samuels reaction to jake grabbing his collar after he ‘sentences him to death’ and lands a bunch of hits on him in tandem. this is probably looking waaaay too deep into it (but so is this entire post ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) however it almost like samuel is being reminded of his perceived inferiority simply by being stopped by jake. even though he cant be gapryongs son, he can still be stronger than him, right? right? jake continually disprove this and no matter how strong samuel gets, jake always seems to come out on top regardless.

in the third picture samuel is stepping away from his frenzied insanity (and the terrible, terrifying facial expressions that he makes because of it) to quietly question why it is that the universe has put jake in front of him to make him feel awful all over again, with a similar neutral face that displays undertones of distress and misery

and here he says it directly! jake shows up and makes samuel feel pathetic no matter what happens and its just … so perfect how his solemn face reflects how utterly defeated he is by that feeling

the way he is stepping on jake here, quite literally on top of him, yet he still feels lesser to him. he can beat jake up all he wants while smiling but at the end of it? he is still left with a burning feeling of inferiority that never gets resolved. and he can only wonder why that is

the frustration from not being able to figure it out overwhelms him, and thus causes the sudden change of his expression to a serious one. this is the issue that plagues his entire character and so it is only fitting that he reserve a special look for it; one of somber neutrality as the only way he can express his feelings of defeat and inadequacy

-> stylistic analysis

so all of that covered the context which surrounds that facial expression and the psychological aspects of it. while that serves to make the expression impactful as the culmination of all of those factors, the way that his face is artistically depicted also plays into its effect

i mentioned the look in his eyes before when discussing the first image, so lets just build onto that point of a crazed ache in his eyes by explaining why it evokes that feeling. his irises are small and much of the white of his eyes are showing, which is a stylistic choice that usually signals to us that a characters mental health has plummeted

his eyes are also shown to look like that in his other frenzied faces, but the contrast of his crazed eyes with the rest of his emotionless features distinguishes it well

and the second artistic choice i would like to point out is the use of lighting and shadows to depict his face to the audience

shadows are a very useful tool for artists to convey emotion on seemingly neutral or indifferent expressions as a little signal for the reader that the character is seriously ticked off but attempt to not show it

in all of the images, the light source seems to behind his head and leaves his face in the shadows. this lighting conveys a sense of seriousness along with undertones of horror. his somber expression is incredibly unsettling in contrast to all of the emotional turmoil he is feeling, and the use of shadows excels at giving us this visual cue

and its very interesting how the lighting stays consistent whenever he makes a face, signaling a certain emotion (of disdain? of grim comtemplation?? something along those lines i think) each time

final thoughts

well, my first final thought is that i wrote too much about this and somehow managed to overanalyze three panels into a little mess of angsty mush but it was sure fun :)

but secondly, i love how ptj does facial expressions, of course samuels faces in particular (this whole post is about him after all) since he is always so incredibly expressive. i love unhinged samuel, i love his ‘actively in mental decline’ faces. so freaky, so awesome ^_^

third and lastly, the parallels for samuel throughout the story are so, so interesting. i had to resist multiple tangents that go waaay beyond the scope of this post while writing it because of the sheer amount of stuff i found out i wanted to write about. so i will likely be writing more about that stuff in the future :p

thanks for reading !!!

[darksturnz]

god your writing is genuinely so beautiful and incredibly underrated. i really want to get into writing fics but im scared i’ll sound corny 💀 do you have any tips?

any compliment on my writing means soo much to me. you guys will never understand :,). i really appreciate whoever you are.

my “tips” might sound a bit silly and overused but it’s what helps me!! keep in mind i’ve been writing fanfic since i was 12 years old (terrible ik LOL) and have come very very very far since then, so yes practice does help a ton too.

1: i ONLY re-read my work once i’ve finished the fic/blurb/chapter completely. i found that if i keep rereading after every new paragraph, i feel repetitive and lose motivation/interest incredibly fast. waiting until ive finished to reread it gives me a chance to look at it with an open mindset, tweak anything or completely scrap it and start over (which im very very guilty of doing, my first draft is usually never the one posted!).

2: DONT OVER PLAN!: i used to try and create whole multi chapter fics in one setting, id create the outline and make it incredibly detailed so i “wouldn’t” lose motivation but all it did was in fact make me lose motivation by trying to stick to that set and stone template i created. im not saying outlines aren’t helpful, because they are and i still use them, but i really keep it simple. for instance if i were to write a blurb about star!reader and artist!chris going shopping i’d map out two-four key events i wanted to happen throughout but keep them very flexible, never set and stone. i also usually just start with a character moodboard, and everything falls into place after. (sorry if this doesn’t make sense haha) also having someone proofread/go over your ideas with you helps a ton, my dms are open to any and everyone for that btw!

3: start with fluff. fluff is (imo) the easiest genre to start with, you can get as corny as you’d like as long as you make it make sense LOL. i personally still struggle writing smut, even though that’s the most popular genre, just because i make my own cheeks turn red and i overthink it 😅 angst is also on the easier side but you have to be a little more strict with it!

4: the most important thing, HAVE. FUN. do not go into it only wanting your fic to be an absolutely hit and get you tons of attention! writing is a creative outlet/process, you have to enjoy doing it just to do it or your work really won’t come out as well as you’d hope.

[pynkhues]

https://www.tumblr.com/pynkhues/770024291081256960/x-oh-my-gosh-okay-okay-okay-anon-ive-had-a?source=share

and people try to call them vanilla... these two are crazy individually and even more crazy with each other! i would love to hear if you have more thoughts about the lack of aftercare and especially if it's angsty bc that kind of thing is my guilty pleasure in fics😅

Hahaha, revealing how much I've dissected that scene is a little mortifying, but at least the fact that I'm writing the fic about it makes me feel I can justify it, hahah.

And yeah, it's interesting re: the thought of Louis and BDSM etiquette broadly, especially things like aftercare and safewords, of which i don't tend to feel he'd have much regard for either. I don't think that would be out of any maliciousness, but more of a sense of feeling like these things have come in when you've already got a degree of expertise / feel you know what you're doing? Y'know, he was 33 in 1910, so he's a man coming of age and probably having formative sexual experiences in the very late 1800s and working literally as a pimp in that era. That's not to say that I don't think he grew and his sexual eperiences and understanding of sexuality - his own and others - evolved, but all the vampires are ultimately products of their time, even if they now live outside of it.

I've actually been thinking about this a lot as the next fic in the Spell 'verse after I finish the Cruising one is exploring both Lestat and Louis' relationship with BDSM. I've mentioned it before a few times (namely here), but I think there's a really interesting factor with Lestat in particular that he was coming of age in Paris when Sade de Marquis was publishing, who arguably is the person who birthed modern BDSM (BDSM has always existed in various forms across cultures, so he didn't really, but he certainly popularised it), and Sade's version of it really emphasised the sadism and cruelty in a way that's uhhhh, A Lot. I'm particularly kind of curious about it because Sade's writing was enormously fetishistic of rape, and it's interesting to think about that in the context of being a world Lestat's submerged in right before he's actually raped himself.

That's a digression, but kind of has been one of the things that's made me think about Louis' experience of his sexuality and particularly the fact that he comes from a space with a very specific vocabulary for sex and sexuality. Working as a pimp too, and having been a John, I'd imagine he was exposed to a lot (and tbh, I think it's where his baseline comes from when he starts that particular dynamic with Armand, especially given from what I've read in researching that fic, BDSM culture had died down in Paris post-WWII through to the sexual revolution of the 1960s as a result of the war trauma, although it was on the rise in other countries). So yeah, I think by the time there was this more contemporary language and etiquette around it all, Louis and Armand probably would feel pretty established in their behaviours?

And look, in terms of aftercare, I actually don't think Louis would always be bad about it. In fact, sometimes I think he'd probably be incredibly tender, but like with most things with Louis, I think a lot of it would come down to his mood. Someone sent me an ask the other day about there being narcissism in self-hatred, and that kind of hits the nail on the head to me - Louis is self-centred, he's the gloomy egoist! And I do think that probably carries over to sex a lot of the time. So yeah, I think in the aftermath of that 1.06 scene for instance, he was probably still mad at himself and feeling guilty about taking Lestat back, so I think getting Lestat cleaned up probably barely crossed his mind? He probably just threw his clothes at him, told him to get his things and had him limp out after him as Louis stewed on his complicated feelings of taking Lestat back at all.

I think in his more loving moments, he'd be more tender, but yeah - - I think a lot of it probably mood and context dependent with Louis, and I think he and Armand probably had generally pretty bad BDSM etiquette broadly, given even the fact that even being together after Paris is, for Louis, an act of punishment.

[konigsblog]

Capt. MacTavish nsfw headcannons

you know whos a dummy and somehow miss read the prompt and thought 'oh write a little based on the title' me. :) would love to hear what you currently have as wip, but here's what I whipped up before for I re-read the post, and understood what it actually said :))

Unlike the sweet Sargent MacTavish, this man is mean disciplining you for the slightest of mistakes, any thing to see how whiny and glossy eyed you get from a rough punishment.

Very hairy an' musky, he's got a strong aftershave that has you hooked on the scent, while he gives you beard burn nuzzling into you neck and pounding your sweet cunny :))

Im a sucker for wearwolf!Soap and Capt. MacTavish is fuckin feral during a rut, talking claw marks and deep red bite marks all over, I mean how else will everyone else know your his?

Branching off wearwolf habits, he's very into marking, everyone knows not to look at the captains possession for to long, not after the last soldier got reamed for trying to start a friendly conversation, they soon switched bases.

Big in to you calling out his rank when he's fucking you "yeah, you like that, whorin' your self for ya' captain ya' slag?" And "Such a good soldier for your captain"

He mocks the way you moan, so whiny "hm uh ah, hear yourself Bonnie? Such a mess, all for me"

He'll complain but he loves the cat scratches you give his back, all marked up, he'll make sure to show em' off in training, taking of his shirt unnecessarily :) (at least the view is great)

Rough choke holds during sex and manhandling all the way>>>>

Somehow helping trim his hair and beard always ended up with steamy shower sex as a reward for you help, no other reason ;)) (he just wanted an excuse to fuck your brains out, and the help was nice)

Have you seen this man make a molotov, very good with his fingers, stuffing them in till you squirt relentlessly all over his fingerless gloves, and bullying you for how easy your being right then, just a pretty hole for him to stuff :((

Speaking of stuffed you can not convince me that this man isn't in to anal putting a pretty plug into your unused hole while he makes a slick mess of you swollen cunny

Capt. MacTavish likes his sex messy, and he makes not effort to hide that, drooling over your hole, and leaving sloppy kisses everywhere

Loves receiving head, a hand tangled at your scalp shoving your head into the sweet curly hairs at the base of his cock, reveling in your chokes and gags while you drool all over his dick

At least a solid 6 inches, and thick like needs at least 2 orgasms worth of prep so fit into your tight cunny, and he'll bully you for it,

"c'mon lass, you can fit a little more" coaxing your little hole into taking him all the way to base, ignoring your little mewls and whines, it'll fit :))

To end of these little blurbs '09 Soap likes having you sob over how overwhelming his pretty cock is, licking the salty tears off your face while he fucks your cunt so sweetly :))

Hope this was a good read (even though I very much didn't understand the assignment) and thank you for tagging me, I always enjoy your works so hope you like this :))

-Much love (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧

i love these sosososo much :((( he's so mean grhrhgrrgrgrgegs, here's some ideas ive been thinking about;

09!soap with pup!reader; teasing, he loves to mock and tease you. listening to your howls, forcing a muzzle around your face, pulling on your tail harshly while he fucks your tight ass, asshole stretching to allow his girth. and you're drooling soso much, his full balls slapping against your ass while he degrades you, rubbing your clit with his thumb causing you to squirt all over the couch :(( “quiet, pup. so fuckin' needy, aren't ye'? yer' such a daft slag, so needy for my cock, hm?”

dadbod!soap; he's so hairy and chubby, loves when you grope at his flesh, rubbing your slick along his pubes and body hair with your nose buried in his armpits, inhaling the scent from his armpit :(( loves 69 with you because he knows you can't take him fully; he slams his hips skywards into your mouth, the tip slamming against the back of your throat, gags filling the rooms silence, his tongue grazing at your cunt.

and i also think he's around 6 inches, very girthy and thick. probably a few veins along your shaft and base, he's uncircumcised as well.

has so much snark and attitude, loves seeing your hurt expression, placing you in a headlock when you talk back, forcing you to call him captain while he chokes you out. “f-fuc-k..! please - soa-p, let me go -!!” you wail in desperation, gasping and scratching at his arms. “that's captain tae you, bonnie, c'mon, you're barely tryin'..”

[of-time-and-space-itself]

Ive been wondering for a bit now but how does the timeline of events work in this AU? Cuz sometimes we see Snatcher as The Prince and other times we see him as a ghost and Hat Kid is present for both versions of him

Does he die after he Hat Kid befriends him? Is it a curse? Shapeshifting shenanigans? I'm really curious!

Ooo! Good question!

This one is a little hard to explain, but I'll do my best! (Reference the ugly little timeline I made at the bottom that might help this make more sense.) Also, I apologize for how long-winded this may be! I'll try to omit details, hopefully that doesn't make things more complicated.

(For all the people who don't wanna read all that - spoilers, he's a Shapeshifter. Also, this is just a run down of events.)

Okay, so there are three(technically 4?) main events/Eras that determine which version of Snatcher you're seeing!

Era 1 is what I like to call "The Monarchy/Vanessa Era".

Events in this Era go as follows!(extremely summarized, of course):

The Prince and Vanessa marry and create history by divorcing sometime after.

The Kingdom is left queen-less for a little while.

The Prince re-marries and all is well.

Oh! And Hat Kid has just been born.

Everything pertaining to this Era is all prince! Specifically, It's The Prince that's wearing red and gold.

Era 1½ - "Snatcher "Breaks/Vanessa Banishment"

Events in this Era go as follows:

The New Queen Passes away(I'm sure there was no foul play)

The Prince goes a little Cuckoo for Cocoa puffs and banishes Vanessa from The Kingdom of Time.

Vanessa goes back to the Kingdom of Space - Space revolt begins. Mu is too young to do anything at this point.

The two Kingdoms are no longer unionized.

While still technically The Prince(Red&Gold), this era is the turning point in which he begins his transition into Snatcher. This is because of something I haven't really touched on yet, a thing only known as "breaking"(clever, I know).

The short of it is that it's a state exclusive to people of Time and it's immensely rare. People of time are often able to take A LOT. And I mean A LOT. But sometimes, they'll just kinda snap and that's it. It's such a rare thing, that it's barely been researched and everyone that has ever "broke" seemingly vanish into thin air, never to be seen again.

I guess in that way it's kinda like a curse.

Era 2 - "Long Lost Princess"

Events in this Era go as follows:

One day, someone decides to check on The King, only to find him missing.

Snatcher has fled to the forest, child in his arms - no longer a man, but a crazed beast of horrid display.

For sometime, The Kingdom of time remains isolated.

During this period the old King is presumed "dead".

The Kingdom decides they have no other choice, but to refer to the "Backup" Lineage and Timmy is nominated to become heir of the throne.

before any such thing can happen, however, the Kingdom of Time is notified of a child that the king kept secret. And so Hat kid receives her rightful place on the throne. Sorry, Timmy.

While all this is happening - The Kingdom of Space has STILL been protesting Vanessa's position of power. They've had no external help from the Kingdom of time, and have been left to their own devices. everyone has been way too scared to actually cross Vanessa though.

Except Mu, who's decided she's had about enough of all the ruckus and forcefully locks Vanessa out of the Kingdom and into the uncharted forest. She's given the title, "The Rebel of Space", and is nominated into a position of power herself.

And thus begins the main plot events! In which, a lot is put at stake. And that includes the end of the world!

This Entire Era is Snatcher! Hat kid really meets Snatcher sometime after she receives the throne. He becomes her "Lawyer", And from then on she entrusts him to take care of all the complicated things that she doesn't understand.

Era 3 - "Post-End of the World"

Events in this Era go as-

Well actually, there isn't much to note. At least, not in the same way as the other Eras. instead, there's one really specific event that matters for Snatcher.

Just before "Post-End"- unattached to the main end, Snatcher has a bit of a...Crisis? A remembrance, if you will. Y'know the whole "near death experience" thing? That's really important(for multiple reasons but also-), because it sends Snatcher to seek out Hat kid, - whereas prior, he would have refused to leave his little forest home(for reasons I will omit because this is long).

By the time that Snatcher has met up with her, he has unintentionally shifted into The Prince and now is probably a really good time to mention that Snatcher never actually died.

And if he never "died" and he wasn't cursed, then the only conclusion is that he is, in fact, a shapeshifter!

Anyway, whenever you see The Prince in purple&gold, that's post-story Snatcher. He can shift back and forth, however he'll only do so if absolutely necessary.

Does this make sense? I hope it does! honestly, my brain goes to so many different places, I wouldn't be surprised if this is very unorganized! If there's anything you don't understand, just let me know and i'll do my best to explain!

[crushedsweets]

Any Jason the Toymaker head canons?

-(: Anon

OK GUYS ok. jason is one of those guys who i wasnt aware of until coming back to the fandom. so i will be doing my best with this guy who ive only read his wiki for.

this is just me trying to input him into my lore/au. itd probably have been easier if i figured out LJs place first though... since a lot of the clown-esque guys are grouped together these days... ok whatever dont listen to me

im honestly really confused when going through the wiki and random deviantart posts and trying to understand his lore LOL he used to be human but now he's not human but looks human but isnt described as anything other than creature that looks human ??? IDK

im thinking perhaps he's another sort of mmmm... yet another human-turned-demon, but he kept a human appearance like lulu(minus her eyes), rather than jack or ann. and he was turned well over a century ago, giving him more than enough time to re-enter human society and blend in..

so now he works at an antique toy shop. has a creepy backroom and bunker that he lives and Works in. he went under the radar for a long, long time. maybe he traps souls in dolls and that's where he gets to do his own freaky creepypasta serial killer type stuff ? either tricks already dead souls, or kills people to keep them for himself?

maybe slenderman takes notice of him and decides that trapping ghosts/etc in dolls is a good way to keep them away from the public eye, so he gets the proxies on his case since he's never seen such a thing before.. hmm... yes

ok i know this is short and boring and not in depth compared to my usual stuff but i have truly no idea what to do with him . i avoid him and lj and candy pop cuz I DONT LIKE CLOWNS LOL IM SORRY ANON im boring i know forgive me

[irish-urn]

Hi Ive been reading your LWD posts. I was wonsering what your thoughts were on George and Nora as parents ( if youre up to sharing them) >>

Greetings! Welcome to my blog! Would you like a cup of tea? A blanket? A lot of conversation? I noticed you reblogged one of my posts with a note that Derek Venturi is YOUR blorbo too!!!! What a shithead. Gosh I love him.

So. You want to know my thoughts about George and Nora as parents. I have a lot of thoughts, actually. Some of them are conflicting.

This is gonna get long, so I'll put it under a Read More.

I guess my first question is: Have you read any of my fics? This isn't me plugging my work; I ask mostly because I think you get a decent idea of a lot of my thoughts via my kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight series, which is basically my idea of what happens after LWD and Vacation with Derek (but NOT Life with Luca).

But basically: I think that George and Nora are good people with good intentions and a lot of heart who aren't actually very good parents (that may make some people upset. oops). I think they love their children very very much. I also think they're very human. And I think their parenting skills are lacking in different ways.

So, as you may have noticed — or maybe you didn't; it's cool either way — I am doing a re-watch of LWD (very slowly because I am very busy and prefer to write and hate watching things by myself) and I'm about halfway done Season 2. And I think they're both lacking in different ways, which in part affects their children but also their lack may be because of their children's personalities.

George: I genuinely think George likes his kids. I think he loves them. I also think he has pretty much given up on raising Derek, and it's only Nora's guidance that is keeping Marti from being a total brat. I think we can assume that the advice and discipline that he gives Marti is the same kind he have Derek and Edwin — I mean, that only makes sense, right? You usually IMPROVE your skills on the younger children, actually, as you get more practice and see the results of the older kids, so he may have actually been even MORE lax with Derek and Edwin. When George DOES discipline Derek, he tends to overcompensate, and it's clear to me from Derek's body language, his reactions, and his lack of respect, that George picks and chooses when he disciplines Derek. It's very inconsistent, and it seems to be based more on when Derek inconveniences GEORGE or costs him money. Inconsistent discipline is, like, the worst kind you can raise a children with: you have to choose a strictness level and then try to stick to it, even if it's super relaxed. It's the inconsistency that's problematic!!! George's parenting style has raised three brats — and I love the Venturis. I really do. But my GOSH are they bratty!!!

I think George mostly enjoys being a dad, but likes the fun parts a lot more than the rotten parts. I think George really likes how grown up and easy Casey and Lizzie are compared to his children. I think he's gonna be an AMAZING grandpa. I have a LOT of HCs about Derek's childhood that get incorporated into my fics, including this idea that Abby got pregnant with Derek before she and George were married, and George felt the need to grow up FAST to be a dad, and just... Didn't really finish the job. I think he sees a lot of himself in Derek, and a lot of the the things he sees are the parts of himself he doesn't like.

Nora: I think Nora loves her daughters and her new stepchildren. I think, however, that her divorce to Dennis was BRUTAL. Unlike Abby and George's, which I've always imagined as more mutual, there's something about the way Nora panics with Dennis comes to visit and how Casey and Lizzie act around him that gives the impression that it was a NASTY divorce. I think Nora probably leaned a lot on her two girls (understandably so), and I think the three of them saw each other as a team. I think Nora started to see Casey as a combination of her best friend, right-hand man, and almost redemption for the mistakes of her marriage. I think, by accident, Nora puts a lot of pressure on Casey (and Lizzie), and the two of them react accordingly (I also think Casey tries to shelter Lizzie from this when she can. Casey is VERY much an example of parentification).

What does this mean? Something I've noticed is that Nora cares a LOT about how their family is viewed. When Lizzie makes them take the quiz about the children and they fail, Nora is upset -- but doesn't actually do anything to solve the problem? When Lizzie points out about their carbon use, Nora is worried what it will look like to the OTHER moms. I think Nora loves her girls and is doing her best to raise them... I just also think she's tired. Sometimes the way she reacts to Casey is like, 'Oh my, she's just being a dramatic teenager' which, while true, does not invalidate Casey's feelings and problems!! I think Nora does a lot more parenting that George, but doesn't always hit the finish line. Sometimes, she just sees it and calls it good enough.

What does this mean? I think it means they tried. I think it means they're human. I think they have full time jobs and five dramatic children and past-marriages that have left scars on them. I in NO WAY think the five/six children are abused whatsoever. I just think that sometimes Lizzie is so good that she slips through the cracks; I think Derek has done a lot more raising of BOTH Edwin and Marti than anyone is willing to admit. I think Casey has anxiety because of the parentification. I think Derek's distaste for authority and his faux-casualness is his reaction to George (and Abby)'s inconsistent parenting style.

So, tldr: I don't think they're good parents. I also don't think they're BAD. I just think they could've been a lot better.

[edwad]

specialist literature such as? let's say we've exhausted Heilbroner and other intro stuff, what else is worth digging into from your perspective

sorta depends on what specifically you're looking for but in general i tend to like a lot of what you might call the "revisionist" historians. people like keith tribe, terence hutchison, donald winch etc are great at a more general level (although each has their focuses, for sure). tribe is still churning stuff out but the other two are dead, so although they have real strengths some of the literature has moved on without them.

otherwise ive been going through ryan walter's before methods and models which has been super eye opening for me while also basically affirming my prior belief that what we usually call "political economy" in its heyday was just a form of parliamentary debate with explicit concerns surrounding whatever the bank of england was doing. terry peach's interpreting ricardo seems to be a good corrective that i can work with, but i'm also about to revisit ricardo's principles with a group (after we finish smith) so it'll be interesting to see how a lot of my more recent readings map onto the primary sources. i'll likely be posting through it regardless.

in a big way, i'm trying to just chart a course through the history of econ which doesn't have to repeat the mistakes of the 20th century debates, especially re: ricardo. i disagree with sraffa, mirowski, and the marshall/hollander readings which tend to dominate so much of the literature and color our understanding of "classical economics", all of which have consequences for how we would necessarily have to read marx.

speaking of marx, i of course think heinrich's science of value and the biography will be crucial for how we ought to think about the CoPE, but allen oakley's work is probably the only available work in english of its kind which attempts to grapple with his sources in a meaningful way which gets at his successes in thinking through political economy as a discipline (although the works show their age, all being written in the 80s). a step removed from all of this (although closely related to tribe) is the anglo maoish post-althusserian reception of marx's CoPE from people like hindess & hirst, who spent a lot of time seriously thinking about marx and the limits of his analysis. i don't think they got everything right by any means, but they were able to deliver some serious blows to plenty of the marxists on the ground at the time and in some ways i think that they initiated the kind of crank project i see myself as contributing to.

[milfygerard]

Not to tell you how to run your own blog but I loved the discussions full of nuance and would love to see them more often. But also on the other hand I know people who did that often enough that they ended up a target of hate too. Apologies for sending the super chaotic album analysis ask, I was running on fumes too, it was 5am and I hadn't gone to bed yet. The winter months come and I always have trouble waking up before the sun sets, and falling asleep before the sunrise.

Anyway I am not diagnosed with anything, never really could be with where I am, even more so as a woman (we don't even have ADHD meds, those with a diagnosis travel abroad just to buy them) but I have an inkling I might be ND because of many factors but mainly due to feeling like I'm an alien my entire life which no one seems to understand. I've thought about going abroad to get a diagnosis and then I read about what they were doing to ND people during covid and I went fuck that I'll stay wondering and alive. As for Taylor I think the biggest pointer for me was seeing her directing Me! and saying she needs to do less "dead face" or whatever she called it when looking at the footage. I went, oh I know that, it's the thing I also tell myself to do when surrounded by people. Later on I learned why that might be a thing I do lmaooo

the absolute dread i felt getting this anon notif like oh no...it begins

I appreciate the very valid concerns, ive seen how swifties can react to and treat blogs that post too much about subjects they don't like or see as valid. I also have mutuals ive seen get on the wrong end of swiftie harassment and it definitely seems overwhelming at the very least. I have a bit of luck/disguise on my end because ive kind of deduced that swifties seem to not care too much about me if they arent mutuals bc i am not technically a swiftie blog. She's definitely the special interest ive been talking about the most, but I don't post about her solely, I don't have her as my icon or in my url (girard <3) or mentioned anywhere that i'm a swift enjoyer except for me tagging her posts for mutuals who don't wanna see it. My actual posts that I write about her rarely get a Ton of notes and i make them pretty sparsely while also talking about and reblogging a ton of other random shit. I think this helps lessen the likeliness that I'll get someone who like...obsessively reads my blog to point out how stupid dumb and stupid my takes are and get attached to me in like a lolcow sense of trying to provoke me into arguing or entertaining them. If i do start getting some of that, I'll probably just turn off anon and asks for awhile and eventually theyll forget I exist or maybe even block me, imagine that <3

For the second part, I do encourage you to look into whatever neurodivergencies you think you may have even if a literal doctors diagnosis isnt a possibility! Part of the reason im pretty comfortable with tossing around words like autism is because I don't see professional diagnosis as a be all end all, nor do I think its bad to give yourself a "wrong" diagnosis while trying to understand yourself. Even if you don't end up identifying with autistm, I think being around autistic circles and learning about coping mechanisms and thought processes for other neurodivergencies can be so helpful for understanding yourself and your brain, and can bring really helpful. Like, I don't personally have DID or severe psychosis but talking to and reading write ups from mutuals has let me learn about them as like mundane mental health issues/NDs that anyone could have as well as issues i have had in the past with mild hallucinations or conceptions of personality. Most mental illnesses and NDs are treated very strangely and cruelly in general society and are considered aberrant or inherently bad or painful, but these are normal and often neutral (or positive! Which is often ignored or not considered) aspects of peoples lives.

If you are curious about self diagnosis, the most reliable and popular test online is the RAADS-R questionnaire which theres a great version of on embrace autism which i also definitely recommend scrolling through. They also have interesting articles, alternate tests and articles and tests for other neurodivergencies like OCD, which really opened my eyes to the likeliness that I've been suffering with undiagnosed OCD for pretty much my entire life. Theres also an autism forum if you want a broader spread of information and advice that might not be immediately accessible to you. I didnt touch on taylor much in this response (the dead face thing is extremely real, that and her talking about deciding to make the blood in anti hero purple glitter glue because she doesnt feel like a real normal human being in that directors on directors interview) but I do hope the other stuff is helpful and not too rambly <3 autism forever

[unculturedswine69]

Introduction! (2024)☆

Its about time to re introduce myself, since i made my first introduction post in 2021,ive been editing it as ive been going along but honestly i would just feel better making a new one now!

First of all, if you want links to accounts on other websites,or you wanted more info on commissions, OR you just wanna see a full list of my interests...Click on my carrd link! (bottom of the post)

Intro starts NOW!☆

AGE: 19 (8th may)

NAME: Ali, Paris, Sheetz, honestly you can just call me whatever! But Ali is preferred these days :)

PRONOUNS: He/Him + They/them, you can use either of those but currently i prefer He/him!

LIKES: Anime,Manga,Games,Art,Cosplay,Otome games, Etc. to list some things im currently into right now ~ Gintama, The muppets, Jerma985, 18trip, A3! ,Fullmetal alchemist: Brotherhood and Digimon adventure! i rotate my interests around alot, please check out my carrd to see more :)

DISLIKES AND DNI: Proshippers, Racists, Homophobes, anyone like that! i understand you probably wont listen to me anyways but i still want nothing to do with people like that ^^

EXTRA INFORMATION ☆

This is my main blog! ill mostly be spamming random fandom related things, sometimes i might reblog a post that might be a bit nsfw somehow (nothing explicit, just dirty jokes and the like) but i advise minors to be wary!!! i also just want to say that i dont want to be close with minors, we can chat occasionally but i dont think its appropriate to do anything more than that! ^^ and also remember that regardless of your age you should be polite and responsible on the internet! (said by the stupidest person on here (me))

im a digital artist who mainly focuses on my OCs while sometimes drawing Fanart, i also open up Commissions every once in a while,id like to do this as an actual job sometime in the future instead of just doing it for fun!

i love to discuss art with others and i also love to hear feedback and and talk about stuff like that in general, art is basically my only hobby so i have alot to talk about ^^ feel free to chat with me about it! i also dont discriminate against beginners or anyone who does art differently from me, so dont be afraid to show off your own art :) everyone is welcome here!

Im neurodivergent, Im diagnosed with Autism! which might not be important to some but for me i have a really hard time talking with others and expressing myself properly so id prefer if people knew that i had difficulty with things first,as to not have any misunderstandings ^^ i hyperfixate on things alot too, and i tend to project all these things onto characters i like.

i have mental health issues, this can mean that sometimes i dont come online for months or it can also mean i will fixate on spamming ,so my activity on this site is a little weird.please dont take me ghosting you personally!! i try to respond to everyone, im just going through some stuff <3

relating to my art and interests: im a oc x canon artist too, i make lots of ocs for my oshis and also self inserts, im OK with doubles (the same goes for Kins too!)

OH ALSO. im super bad at spelling and grammar and all that . sorry if it gives you a hard time when your reading through my stuff </333333

tldr: im just a silly guy on the internet, feel free to come chat with me! i love making friends!!!

My art account is @sheetzking its a little empty right now, but ill be uploading alot soon~☆

Thank you for reading my new intro!

[woodswolf]

yeah i guess i understand what's wrong with this thing.. especially with that hint today. i just keep fucking playing music and going FUCK THAT'S GOTTA BE A REFERENCE dope shit ♥️

<- oops "with" is not the correct word there

sorry the language is kicking my ass i would not survive a day at the game.. .

spent so much time reading from different angles i forgot about the semi linear progression and now i have a fucking headache but i have been trying to write a good comment for a long time and every time i'm like not good enough. screw that. simply want you to know i'm in the trenches going insane about this too :)

(re: this post)

your english seems fine to me anon! ;D

you wouldn't happen to be the same anon who mentioned something about extensive annotations, would you? sooooo very curious about those if you are, cuz that's the kind of thing that's worth five or six comments all on its own.

otherwise, more on the subject, i can say that i have a huge playlist of songs that are very undeniably DLD to me and find more and more every day (or rather whenever people rec them to me lol). i wouldn't really say i've done any specific musical references in DLD so far, though? unless there's some song or album that lines up just impossibly well, ive had that happen when reading fics by other authors and it's always very "????? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DONT KNOW THIS SONG IS PERFECT ???" in a very funny way lol.

as for that last part, who said anything about semi-linear? there's much much more i could say, but i think that's a big enough additional hint on its own ;)

but for real, don't worry about commenting or whatever. it's fun when Numbers Going Up, but just seeing people going a bit insane like me is fun in and of itself 💖

[donnerpartyofone]

anon here who feels a great kindred spirit with you, maybe one day i'll have the guts to message not anonymously but frankly i really admire you and also struggle with the mortification of putting myself out there directly it may be one day but not today. ANYways. just saw your post re: the knee-jerk reaction of ppl to say something like "no! everyone is special (or beautiful/smart/talented/etc.) in their own way!" when you or i tries to acknowledge something that is real to us and that affects our day to day life. ive touched on stupidity before bcuz that is something that you've articulated better than i ever could but you were talking in that post a little more specifically abt physical beauty and i do think theres something to be said there for usamerican individualism. bcuz ive heard a lot that other countries/cultures find our particular brand of individualism to be weird to say the least. and i have, for most of my life (and this is true now), had a body that has been perceived as very desirable (eg. skinny, but still have tits and an ass, proportionally "good", etc.) but my face i have always known does not live up to beauty standards. bcuz of this, ppl closer have had a hard time understanding why i struggle so much with self esteem related to my looks and have often jumped to "but youre so pretty!" when i try to talk abt it. the outside of this is that i look like a child in the face and am often mistaken for a child even at 28. when i was an actual child, read: 18 and under, i received a LOT of attention from men, often men who were old enough to be my father. now that i am not a child that attention has waned, even though i've put on a little weight and my body is frankly more rocking than ever. BUT my face stays unchanged and i think i have so of an uncanny valley effect on ppl now. im bringing all this up bcuz this is another piece of kinship i feel with you: even before i started really paying attention to your posts discussing things, i really admired your selfies bcuz you and i actually look pretty similar, we have the same texture of hair and a similar face. but i have always felt that, from your pictures, you seem much more "in control" of your look than i do. i love your sense of style and i love how you do your brows so dark and dramatic but also seem to wear (as far as i can tell; im not much for makeup so correct me if im wrong) relatively little makeup otherwise. regardless of how you look, you project an image (as always, i know i can only know you parasocially so take this as much or as little as you want to) of someone who knows how they look and how they want to present themselves. i personally keep my head buzzed most of the time, and when i first started doing it, i did it bcuz it meant that no one had any excuse anymore. they had to look at my face and acknowledge my whole bare face with no distractions. it was a way of directing how i was perceived. now i dont know if thats what your brows are to you but ive always thought "wow, the dramatic brow is such a masterful use of makeup and direction". ive always seen the way you present yourself as seeming thoughtfully and well curated, and ive hoped for myself that i could someday present that way. as you can tell, i really admire you lol. hope im not being weird. im not really sure what my point is here but once again you articulated something well that i only have ruminated on abstractly.

i've also been thinking of you bcuz recently i ran up against the old "im too stupid to do this normal thing and now it may badly affect my life" situation: tried to put my tabs on my car and bcuz they were taped to the paper, they just broke into pieces on the tape when i tried to peel them away. so i just panicked and badly pieced them onto my license plate in a way im sure will seem infinitely more suspicious should a cop notice and decide to pull me over. my husband tells me tabs are supposed to do this as an anti theft measure, this is information i somehow missed in my 28 years of life and 12 years of being a legal driver. and if i get pulled over im not honestly sure i know where all my necessary paperwork is and will undoubtedly start shaking from anxiety which also looks suspicious when i try to hand a cop my id and my hand is shaking like a leaf. and i havent been pulled over yet but now every time i drive my car im going to be thinking abt it. god willing the distraction of fear of the unknown wont lead me to crashing my car but thatd be just the thing id do too. just wanted to share bcuz i think youre probably the only person who understands how it feels and bcuz hey, i want you to know youre not the only one out there muddling through life as a series of actions and unforeseen consequences, no matter how foreseen those consequences "shouldve been".

sorry for this long and rambling message. i have no two-ipas excuse this time as its morning here and im stone cold sober (the ipas were the voodoo juice ranger by the way) but you just make me think a lot, and again, i admire you very much. thanks as always and i hope that today is, if not easier on you, at least tolerable in terms of its challenges.

Dearest field correspondent, I wish I had a more thoughtful, interesting response to your kind message, but unfortunately you may receive instead le big rant. I am very low self-control lately and you're all going to have to pay for it! I'm thinking about my 85 year old father-in-law who is still razor sharp and full of energy, and so he is vividly aware of the nearness of death and very anxious about it. At his birthday dinner he started preaching to my husband and me about how you just have to live every minute you've been given to its fullest, and I often think about how he's right and he's wrong at the same time. Like it's patently correct that you should treasure whatever life you're allowed, but I think it would take a mental giant to really do that unless you're just basically a terrific person with few problems. If your personal chemistry makes you feel bad all the time due to circumstances or past trauma or plain old bad wiring, it's really hard to just consciously choose to feel good and be filled with gratitude and slurp all the delicious marrow out of your day. And what if your days don't have that much marrow to begin with? Of course if the Christmas ghosts came and snatched you up and confronted you with the preciousness of the life you are squandering, that you can still redeem if you try, that would change your tune, but it's hard to get that same kind of life-changing effect by just intellectually acknowledging the value of yourself and your time on earth.

(I'm gonna put a break here so I don't eat up everybody's dash, brb)

I was thinking about this, in a way, because somebody just asked me for a head shot for this project I'm on, so I was going through selfies to see if I had anything appropriate, and man was that depressing. Of course Tumblr was serving a jumble of new and old pictures, but some of them looked really good, even recent ones. And I know I wasn't enjoying myself at the time that I took them, any of them. I was just struggling to feel good about myself out of some perverse sense of obligation. I've always had the urge to express something with my appearance, to build up some kind of power and efficacy around what I could do with it, but I never felt anything like that happening. I mean for every selfie that was good enough to post, there are at least 100 I had to throw out that were ugly and embarrassing and more like "the real me". And I know just from living my life that I'm not attractive, my entire social experience does not reflect that of an attractive woman; even among the guys I dated, it's hard to weigh the two who actually liked me against the majority who were just indiscriminately looking for some pathetic specimen to torture and humiliate in order to feel good about themselves.

(And I guess this is TMI but who really cares, I'm sure no one is even reading this, but the irony is that I'm really great in bed. It's a fact. I just love sex and I'm not at all embarrassed about it and I have a knack for getting people comfortable really letting loose and getting to do what they truly want. I know this for sure not only from being in the room, but from detailed postscript testimonials from partners--even the ones who secretly hated me. And naturally that makes me feel pretty good, but it feels incomplete somehow, without the sense of control of my own appearance, without a satisfying relationship to my own body which disgusts me and is constantly causing me unmanageable problems both aesthetic and medical. Like I really want to just crumple it up and throw it in the trash, who fucking cares)

But I see some of those (highly staged, illusory, pain-in-the-ass to shoot) selfies and for a second I'm forced to wonder why that person had to feel so bad about and not have any fun at all, every single day. And now it's extra hard because as I might have said, I've had rosacea for around 15 years, and most of the time it was just a fairly manageable if embarrassing redness, but ever since I took the asthma medication Symbicort for a month this summer, the condition has been progressively deforming. I don't even look the same as I did this fall, and I have no reason to believe things will get better or even level out. Like, this is it. I feel like I don't even have the same skull shape as the girl in these cute pictures from September. I'm stressing myself out wondering about all kinds of procedures I can barely pay for, that could potentially make it worse actually. I'm wondering if I need to quit my public-facing volunteer gig, one of the only things that gives my life meaning, because I'm sick of how red and bloated and wet I look in every single livestream, and I don't like it when I'm occasionally accused of being drunk or I'm randomly told to "calm down" because I looked like I'm panicking even when I'm not. I don't know what to do. I wish I didn't care. But it's tough to look back at old pictures, even just from six months ago, and think Damn I didn't know how much worse things were about to get, I should have live-laugh-loved through every grueling moment of my luxurious mediocrity while I still had it to enjoy!

--On that note there's a certain curse of women who are like, not ugly enough for it to feel like a hopeless case, but who also don't actually have much potential to do anything satisfying with themselves. If you absolutely know that beauty isn't an open road for you, you can choose not to waste energy on that and you can focus on any number of other things that can make your life happy and meaningful; but if you have that nagging suspicion that maybe you COULD be finding exciting ways to express yourself through your looks, then you're dogged by this feeling of dissatisfaction and constantly wondering if it would be better if you just threw in the towel and called yourself ugly so you could stop thinking about it, or if that would be wasteful because maybe something nice would happen if you just made more of an effort, maybe there's still time, maybe you need the right haircut, maybe you need to shake up your wardrobe, maybe you need to learn that advanced hygiene routine that you always found too confusing to master, maybe you just need to get in shape, maybe et al ad nauseum. It would be better not to have to wonder about it all. And of course there's social pressure to maintain ambiguity, especially for women: You're supposed to work really hard to be hot, but you're supposed to act like it's all effortless and also like you have no idea how attractive you are. But you can't be unrealistically humble or people will hate you for that, too--they'll hate you for being dishonest, or they'll give you shit about your apparent self-esteem issues, because somehow that is always everybody's business. You can't win!

You're right that I don't wear much makeup, I really never learned; I never had a mom who was interested in me or the kinds of female friends who help you learn all the pageantry. I wore some makeup for a little while at the end of my 20s because I had to go to my fancy brother's wedding and I was embarrassed about looking raw and dowdy forever in his fancy wedding photos, so I forced myself to learn a few things. But basically I don't want to be bothered, and I enjoy the Joan Crawford brow I do, but that's utilitarian also--if I'm not paying attention I'll rip all the eyebrow hairs out of my face, which is extra embarrassing if it happens in the middle of a work day or something. So now the pencil is essential! And since my face started turning red I usually use some primer and foundation that I really like, although there is very little that keeps my head from looking like a big swollen clown nose, from now on. (All of my minimal supplies are from Make Up For Ever btw, expensive but long-lasting and reliable)

Unrelated but I'm really pissed off that I can't drink anymore, because now it brings on this violent painful flushing, and every time that happens it causes progressive destruction and like, basically every day is worse than the last--which is true anyway about aging, but it's escalated for me. But like, I have severe depression and anxiety and I can't be on any mood medications because they make my tinnitus intolerable, so the only thing I could reliably do for myself was have a little alcohol. Like just half a can of beer would get me through so many tough chores and bouts of mindless fear. And I love wine, I love amari, I love whiskeys, I love esoteric cocktail nonsense, I have a ton of friends from the craft beer world, and now basically there are entire art forms that I can't enjoy anymore, like ever again. And you can bet this is going to affect my relationships. I know people will want to say that's bullshit, quitting drinking is practically always a good thing and your "real friends" will stick with you sober...but that's all pretty hyperbolic. I don't want my life to be winnowed down to only the purest stuff. I don't want this cornerstone of my social and cultural life to be ripped out from under me. I never even developed any bad behaviors to deserve this! And god knows I don't want to have absolutely zero options for calming my nerves. Therapy and yoga and meditation have done nothing for me psychiatrically. I'm just fucked, really, in the dreariest most mundane way possible.

I wouldn't be so hung up on getting drunk and looking pretty if I had some other source of meaning, but it's hard to find that essential driving force when you can't even get through the day's chores like a normal person. I'm on like day 5 of trying to fold my clothes or even just shove them into bags, and I live in terror of the avalanche that is going to happen when one of us needs to get out the bed sheets that I "put away" dangerously in the closet, despite multiple attempts to do it right. I don't drive so you're ahead of me on some level! But I'm 100% positive I wouldn't have understood all that stuff about the tabs, haha. This week I'm seeing my GP and I'm going to ask for a psych referral for evaluations for autism and ADHD. I'm scared that I'm opening myself up to being officially diagnosed as just lazy and negative and then everyone will get to tell me I Told You So about how my only issue is my poor attitude, but I'm sure there's something going on with me, and if it's ADD and god forbid I can get a little medication of some kind that allows me to like wash dishes and do laundry like a normal person without making everything exponentially worse...then, you know, that would be a really big deal. It seems to me that a lot of people are depressed because of some unfulfilled dream they had of being really sexy and cool and talented, or some other superlative--and we usamericans do experience a lot of irrational cultural pressure to be Awesome at something, I'm not looking down on people who suffer from this--but all I want is to like, get on the bus successfully. To not humiliate myself every single time I go to ship a package because I just can't figure out what's going on, yet again. To not be having constant wardrobe malfunctions. To vacuum my house without just mysteriously pushing dirt and hair around into different configurations. To cook a nice simple meal I don't destroy. To have a job again. These are my most treasured fantasies. Maybe if we both put pressure on "the Universe" to "manifest" our dreams this year, then we can have a great 2024!