#ive heard one of their songs i dont remember which or how it goes but i liked it enough that i followed them on spotify

[powerpolyculeshowdown]

I know not enough people have listened to The Mechanisms for the Camelot trio to win but guys, guys. You’re missing out.

For those that don’t know, High Noon Over Camelot is an album by the Mechanisms. It’s a mix of song and narration that is basically a musical, about the story of King Arthur retold as a gay space western on a dying planet. (Again for the people skimming this: GAY. SPACE. WESTERN.) Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot are poly, Mordred is transmasc, Galahad is a crazy fucking priest, i mean COME ON. Also the Mechanisms are actually immortal space pirates and one of them ends up being Merlin. It’s a tragedy (because it’s a mechanisms album), but it’s also their best one imo. Also the music SLAPS. Seriously, it is so, so good. And the story itself and the EMOTION in the singing and……. god. No words.

Anyway go listen to the Mechanisms. They also have an album about Ulysses, a short take on Frankenstein that’s SO GOOD, and one about fairytales called Once Upon A Time In Space, and my personal second fave, The Bifrost Express. All of which are incredibly queer and fun and sad. If you, internet person, also love stories that are fun and gay and sad and narrated by a sexy immortal space pirate man, then go listen to them!! They’re on Youtube so they’re pretty easy to find. GO. VOTE FOR MY BLORBOS.

(And thank you to you, mx. poll organizer, for making the polls and having a good time with us. :D )

(why is gay space western such a powerful combo fr)

adding to this for ppl who dont listen to the mechanisms but do listen to the magnus archives, that's the band jonny simms is in, its mentioned in a few q&a i think

[cosmossystem]

Hey, I'm sorry for suddenly dumping this onto your askbox, but I just feel the need to be heard

I honestly don't care about being anti and proship at all

But... Everytime I see a post from someone who proudly calling themselves anti... It's always so scarily violent

All those posts saying "kill yourself", "deserves to die", all of that stuff

If you don't like a person or stuff they make... Just block them, mute the tags they use, forget they ever exist

Literally easier to do that than harassing the said person or making others uncomfortable with your violence tendencies

This is why some people that have "I'm an anti" or "Proship dni" have become such a redflag to me, even tho most of the time people who uses them are genuinely just good people who misunderstood what proship is

I wish this whole discourse never existed, I miss everything before 2020...

^^ this

and we feel the exact same way

like we dont have any hard stances on shipcourse because both sides have misinfo and both are wrong about some things-- like, we are firmly anti-lolisho and thats one of the things that is usually seen as "proship", but we do have "problematic" ships and we believe in SALS and are anti-censorship. so much misinfo flies between the two because no one cares about being right, they care about looking right, much like every other fake-activist (which are unfortunately common these days.)

the only reason we even care to begin with is because antis have been so violent to us about it. if you arent with them, youre against them, and if youre against them, youre a target.

it seems like theres a lot of antis in neurodivergent & plural spaces, too, which is just crazy to me, so it feels like we have to specify every time "yes, we're the proship in your DNI, just block us please."

i do wanna say that while 2020 made things worse, ive been in shipcourse + fandom spaces since 2016 and it was pretty bad back then too. like in 2016 i had an anti-ship & anti-ddlg blog and there were DOZENS of other antis in the tags -- yall remember "character-against-bad-ships" blogs? yeah. we ran several of those and had hundreds of mutuals running them as well. (im getting flashbacks to "sonic-for-real-justice". eugh.)

we Fully Converted To Proshipism (/j) in about 2018-19, so i saw how bad it was getting right before covid and honestly its never fully recovered. fandom hasnt really been peaceful since... maybe before 2016? i dont know, i wasnt there. flaming and ship wars have always been around but i honestly cant think of when all this "pro v anti" stuff started. seems like it was a slow buildup and now its just fucking everywhere.

i know this wasnt the point of your ask, but im gonna go on a tangent here because i like to yap:

i think the current state of shipcourse is caused, in part, by the fact that younger generations are getting into fandom. except, i think every time someone points this out, they get it wrong and pin it on some bullshit like "younger fans are mistaking fandom for activism/politics!" that argument sucks because that doesnt afford any empathy to the teenagers and young adults who grew up in this awful fucking political climate (including myself.) fandom IS politics to young people, because they have been aware of the state of the world since the time they could read and dont know a world that isnt inherently political in every way.

and then that brings up the misconception that fandom isnt / should never be political, which isnt true and is literally just denial of what is already happening. every form of media and consumption is inherently political. proshippers tend to be wrong about that, plug their ears and lalala until it goes away while ignoring the very political parts of fandom-- like the misogyny, racism, ableism, aphobia... etc.

and so we get stuck in the same song and dance because everyone is wrong and parrots the same disinfo. fandom is very black and white like that. its either everything is ok, or none of it is, with no room for nuance. like for instance: you can enjoy shipping the canonically-aroace character with someone and that doesnt make you a bad person, but dont pretend that doesnt have any real world implications. and so on.

anyway. thank you for the ask, anon. sorry this got really long and passionate. im very opinionated.

- red

[bmpmp3]

ive loved it since i first heard it in project diva x years ago, but listening to Tsumi no Namae again (with slightly higher quality headphone audio rather than my vita speakers <3 ) i didnt realize just how crazy the production choices of this song is. wait hold on lemme hashtag musicpost for a minute. im busting out the timestamps

immediate tone setting. bagpipes??? or something like that right out the gate which is wild. clock winding, gear crunching, and real human woman whispering (i think in english but ive never been able to find official lyrics of that section) as well <3 im a sucker for using human voices with synth voices i think it adds a lot of neat texture

the instrument choices lean into a fantasy musical-esque soundscape for obvious reason (the whole song is basically a little original fable or myth type story complete with trickster goddesses and breaking fate's curses etc etc) but the composition is plenty pop rock which is a fun juxtaposition im always a fan of but like SPECIFICALLY those drums that start around a minute in. im not sure what it is, the speed? how loud and hard the drums are? it works so well to give it a forward momentum while also being a bit uncanny. maybe im just imagining how tired the drummers arms would be hitting at that speed and with that amount of power for this long........ but yeah it gives it this unexpected, sorta otherworldly feel, like its just a fraction of a fraction faster than you'd assume. theres like hints of clapping and stuff in there too i think? so much all together but so so so good

and speaking of how tired those drummers arms would be, i do love that this song is six and a half minutes, i love stuff over 5 minutes like YES i am going to waste SO MUCH TIME staring into space and listening really hard (i like to listen to songs on loop <3 half an hour is gonna go away in just a few plays) i love love love love love it

1:38 mark THE BANJO????

1:43 ouuhhhh that we-will-rock-you-type boom-boom-bap-type clap-clap-stomp percussion. ouhhhhhh yesssssssssssssssss.

1:50 the banjo and the flute are now making out in the background. they are making out sloppy style

2:00 there's like this drum breakdown thats incredibly poppy and rock-y which also goes back to the like fun blends of instrument choice and composition

2:23 am i crazy or is there like a tiny tiny little bit of like a static sound as a piece of percussion in this quieter bit... love a mix of fantasy with digital artefacting

2:45 IS THAT A HINT OF SOME MANNER OF BASS INSTRUMENT IN MY LEFT EAR I HEAR..........

3:50 WHAT is that little sound near the right.... it sounds like one of those medieval instruments but i cant remember which one.... and the banjo has made a return

3:58 THE BASS COMING IN ON THE LEFT

4:35 okay the whole bridge section is crazy but first of all. the dynamics between the deep bass-y sounds going between the two ears.

4:40 and what on EARTH is THAT. like a glitchy static-y bit of vocals going on both sides. AND the flute-y sounding thing is going NUTS up there

4:45 and this is what always makes me lose my mind. that really REALLY deep, circular, almost string sounding instrument? is that a god damn hurdy gurdy. i dont know much about instruments can you tell...... BUT for real that like again adds this haunting, extra bit of synthetic uncannyness to the medieval fantasy fable story

5:18 WHAT is that long like droning sound. is that also bagpipes. whats that classical piece thats supposed to teach you how to differentiate the parts of an orchestra. i need to drill that in my head im fighting for my life out here. ANYWAY those background notes with also these bits of like chattering? people talking or playing?

5:24 RANDOM BIT OF MEDIEVAL VIOLIN

6:08 and ending off with the glittering little chimes.... awesome

i dunno just holy shit man. this song goes everywhere it wants to. theres a banjo.

[fishcow99]

hasdhasadf so i went to the reunion thing. its like a one hour hangout thing then a two hour show. i was there for like 10 minutes of the hang out then i stepped out for like half an hour for air and then i went back in and immediately noped out and left and went home and watched part of newsies and ive cried for like an hour or two bc he was there and im pretty sure he knew that cus there wasnt that many people and my two friends were already talking to eachother and to him and i didnt want to interrupt and he was wearing a green long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up and i think his hairs gotten longer and i heard his voice and i was like gone for 30 minutes and no one wondered where i was and then after that i was like clearly crying but i dont think anyone cared and no one cared and the girl wasn't even there it was just the sight of him and when i looked away i could here his voice and i dont think ive seen him wear that shirt before and i wonder how he got casted for anything goes at his school and i didnt even tell anyone that i got into the thing at the theater cus everyone was already talking to each other and i didnt want to bother them and at least i wrote like 1 1/2 songs cus of all of this but hes so pretty and i didnt say a word to him and he didnt say a word to me and its not like we were actively avoiding each other there were just other people and he always chooses other people over me he never chooses me i wish he would choose me and i could hear his voice and i can still hear his voice and non of my friends who were there have asked where i went or if im okay which is fine because i know they have more important things to do which is okay and fine and now i'll never see him again and maybe i couldve talked to him i literally bought a dress just to see him again i never wear dresses but maybe if im pretty he'll notice me but he didnt and maybe he hates me for the whole thing from the notes which is fine and its not like i expected anything differently i basically antagonized him and thats my fault and i should just be glad he didnt go out of his way to say he hated me but maybe its worse this way and really if you look at it from an outside prespective nothing really happened so im just being dramatic which is fine cus i always am but i just keep imagining wonderful things with him in my head and then i see him and realize he probably doesnt even remember me which is fine but my friends didnt care which i guess i should expect but it still hurts but it shouldnt hurt because nothing really happened and im just making a big deal out of this but i love him and i dont think i can ever stop loving him

[fantasybooktournament]

the fantasy books i havent read in this poll

basically any work i havent read or read part of

good omens (i have seen the tv show) (tbh im not a gaiman fan, i dont vibe with most of his work)

cosmere (ive read 60 pages of mistborn) (i really have no interest tbh)

wheel of time (dont ask me how long i owned the first one lol)

the all souls trilogy (my mom wants me to read this)

house of the cerulean sea (my mom really REALLY wants me to read this) (i like his book how to be a normal person btw)

discworld (i have owned wee free men since i was in middle school RIP)

the witcher (my friend lent this to me. i never made it past the first page)

tawney man (i read robin hobbs first assassin book when i was like 14 and i think i liked it. her other books are on my tbr)

gentlemen bastards (i am not the intended audience for this series)

the broken earth (on my tbr!! and i own the fifth season!!)

the first law (i cant even remember the name of this series)

mercy thomas (on my tbr cause i need more urban fantasy)

the bear and the nightingale (dnf for me, which i found surprising)

lightbringer (ive heard good things but its never caught my attention)

dragonriders (my mom owns them all)

the rivers of london (i have no idea about this one ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

prince of thorns (i think i used to have a mutual with this url .. . )

the daevabad trilogy (on my tbr!!)

the green bone saga (dnf cause im not the target audience)

the goblin emperor (apparently this is good enough to challenge piranesi soooo i might add it to my tbr)

chronicle of unhewn throne (again, no idea)

valdemar (mercedes lackey has been on my list forever. another author my mom wants me to read)

between earth and sky (on my tbr!!)

criers war ( ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

among others (on my tbr!!)

dead jinn universe (on my tbr!!)

the jasmine throne (i have this on hold!!)

the traitor of baru cormorant (i have to do more research before i decide if it goes on my tbr)

the raven tower (on my tbr!!! my friend highly recommends it!!)

the grace of kings (i am intrigued by this one)

shades of milk and honey (newly on my radar)

a land fit for heroes (no interest)

witchmark (on my tbr!! ive heard many many good things!!)

tailchasers song (no interest)

the queen of tearling (i got this as a gift as a teen . . . i think i read part of it??? i don't remember it at all tho)

miss peregrines home for peculiar children (i started this twice as a kid when it was super popular. never kept my attention)

children of blood and bone (another dnf for me, rather recently actually!)

sabriel (i started this when i was younger but never finished)

three dark crowns (i like blakes books annadressed in blood and antigoddess!)

seraphina (i don't have any desire to read this)

mirror visitor (on my tbr!!)

we hunt the flames (on my tbr!!)

six crimson cranes (on my tbr!!)

the gilded ones (on my tbr!!)

akata witch (on my tbr!! i liked her novella, binti!!)

the naming (a friend i had growing up loved this book)

iskari (i have no feelings on this)

kaikeyi (this was a new book to me, so i need to look into it more but im intrigued!!)

a song of wraiths and ruin (newly added to my tbr)

book of tea (on my tbr!!)

blood heir (based on the comments about this on the poll, i am no longer very interested)

labyrinth lost (this looks cool!)

the reader (another book i own i havent read)

[godza]

my favorite underrated vocaloid songs once again with commentary. i dont know how underrated things actually are bc i dont interact with the vocaloid community but yknow how it is

the goat. i have never seen anybody talk about this song ever. the mv has so little views and half the streams on spotify are probably me. the songs about an abused child begging to be loved so beware if you search the mv or lyrics up.

i just realized both these songs were by tohru-ch. they make good songs! another underrated classic. the mv is sick if you manage to find it. this producer is a rin master in my opinion. this song is about how bad capitalism is and the vocals are amazing. nandemo nandemo nandemo. the desperation they managed to infuse into rins voice is so impressive and the guitar is impressive. ive been listening to this song since a very young age like ten. why was i listening to this at ten. piano goes crazy as well

i owe this one to the ex mutual who made a playlist for my fanfic and eventually blocked me. thank you for this absolute banger. i forget what the lyrics to this one mean and the mv isnt much its just kinda green stuff. goes exceptionally hard i cant tell whos singing but its still fantastic. i love the guitar that kinda sounds like rubber bands strapped to cardboard. that sounds weird but listen youll see.

i dont think this ones actually underrated since pinas pretty popular (rats died is too famous for me to put on here even though its a masterpiece). when i saw melissa covered it i died and ascended to heaven. the mv is fantastical and dizzying, and the song is perfectly melancholic. i really like the ooo singing in the background. i have had this song on repeat for an excessively long period. im very surprised it wasnt in my wrapped top five. saa saa saa saa saa saa

yummy music. it makes me do the dance of the sidestep in that one gif with ariel and other things. the wind instrument in it is really nice an the guitar is kicking. i just love rin and len i think. why are these all rin. except weeny idk who sings weeny. woukdnt be surprised if it was rin

i wouldnt call powapowas music underrated but this song has made me cry many a time. i prefer the version i found on soundcloud it has more of a miku sound but this song makes me want to get a lobotomy. young girl a is also a good one but no way is that underrated

HOLY SHIT its on spotify. god i need a dance break but i cant. ow i bobbed my head so hard it hurt. one of my faves of all time god its so good. i love you gumi. YOU NO SAY I LOVE!!!!!!!! i dont know how to express my thoughts further it just bangs so fucking hard. just as a btw it speeds up at the end which can be scary so heads up

i dont think this one is actually underrated im going by no metrics this list is just my opinion. it may not be underrated but it slaps and i played it on loop when i was in seventh grade and playing overwatch. not the best gaming music it just makes you really sad

banger. i love teto soooo much. somewhat peppy until you read the lyrics but even still its a tad melancholic. be warned the bleeps in the song are rlly loud lol. get this in project sekai so ome of those trainwrecks can sing it

probably not underrated it seems too well produced for that. i like the laughs at the beginning. i cant remember where but i laid on the floor for a long time listening to this song

ok thats all the bangers on my playlists ive never heard talked about often. i have others but sometimes i can genuinely not tell if its a vocaloid or a human. its an issue

[electrificata]

having music critic thots abt the weeknd im so so sorry

i saw the weeknd in concert last summer, it was amazing. i really dont like stadium shows usually, but his was killer, he had a cool stage concept (gently mad max-ish cult leader and his dancer-disciples, giant inflatable moon) and he's got the presence to fill up all that space. and ive been listening to him for almost a decade, obviously the music's there. actually the show i was at was where he debuted the trailer for the idol. its out now and i havent watched yet. i thought it looked cool then, but after everything ive heard.....im just really ambivalent.

in the early days, when he was keeping mysterious, no press, no photos, you didnt even know if the weeknd was a band or a guy. just this chilly, atmospheric, sleazy/sexy horror-movie r&b. nothing supernatural. but cruel. the lyrics were all about the worst kind of fuckboy shit, and obviously drugs, and the music really seemed to give proper weight to it. the speaker in the songs was awful, the music was telling you that his actions were violent and terrifying for the women he's hurting and for toxic for himself. if youre a person attracted to men, you know what its like to see how awful a guy can be and still be into him, maybe even BECAUSE of how awful he is. thats a fucking horror movie. those first xo eps are crazy, i still listen to them.

then he goes pop star. i remember the collab w/ ariana grande in 2014 was surprising but it found a perfect, plausible midpoint between their two universes. then he goes full max martin in 2015 with "can't feel my face" and again, bizarre to see this plausible way for the prince of darkness to get to the top 40 via a neo-michael jackson jam with a veiled drug reference as opposed to multiple explicit ones. but it made sense! he danced onstage now! i remember hearing it on the radio when i was picking my cousins up from middle school, that felt surreal.

and he just kept on doing the popstar thing. i dont think the sleaze ever really left, it just receded into the background. killer atmosphere, more pop hooks, a general darkness that felt credible coming from him because of the early stuff, its just lit with neon now. he gets increasingly more conceptual, which i love. i love a concept album. its still about fucked up relationships and now death more generally instead of drugs specifically. cool, great. i've been with him the entire time. that brings us up more-or-less to the present.

im not gonna recap all the shit around the idol, if you want it im sure theres an article or youtube video thatll do a better job than i can. ill just summarize my own thoughts: it feels like the sleaze is back, maybe some of the horror, but also Glamour. johnny depp's supermodel daughter has cum on her face. we're seeing headlines about how gross the sex scenes are. look how Glamorous this is. classic showbiz trick of using a cautionary tale about gross men preying on women to just....create images and narratives about gross men preying on women. this might be the place i cant follow him. i cant rule out watching it, i am a habitual hater and i might be in the mood to hate soon. but its making me think about the way we use glamour and beauty in entertainment. it cant be a default, it has an effect on the story.

[rqlaji2]

Hey I know ive been dead but I went to 2 more they might be giants shows

15th i went to first avenue the first time. I havent even seen purple rain. I went on a walk every other day for the past month but it was surprisingly (sarcasm) not enough to prepare me for standing up for two hours straight. I saw the first first ave show was apollo 18 and while narrow your eyes is the best song ever and the guitar wouldve been astronomically fun i thought about it and if I actually got to choose which two i saw it wouldve been these. Now that I write that though my flood show was about a quarter mink car. But did your flood show have wicked little critta. No.

And so im up on the balcony i am directly outside the owners box, I have to get out of the way a fair amount which maybe helped a little with the pain that comes from standing in one place for two hours. But im wondering which one will be the comfortable show and they come out and i don’t even cry or anything like the first time im just like hey its those guys i know. Im a little far away and i need an eye exam yesterday though so maybe thats why. Anyway they come out and they play subliminal and im like AHHH cause its the best song ever. Actually im with a guy I do like a lot and I havent gone to too many shows, but I am so shy at the beginning a lot of the time..so maybe not AHHH but okayyy!!! And inside im like AHHH yknow? I wish snail shell was later in the set/i was less really fucking shy because I dont remember going crazy for it and I shouldve. SNAIL SHEEELLLLL. I listened to the venue song like two days before, it is so funny and great. More like mid james ensor. Its ok though cause it segues into the famous polka which is the best song ever. HEY! Im legitimately getting chills thinking about the famous polka, its so good. I always love slightly country tmbg and i have all of one single out of jail scrobble i didnt even recognize it 😭 in my fake fan era. Ah this was my first mesopotamians, so classic. More else pleaseee. Oh god spider was so good, so much more cacophonous than the recorded one. First flans doing a silly voice moment i can remember seeing, i love it when they do silly voices. Dirt bike might be my favorite tmbg song ever. You may have already noticed a theme with this post where i call every song the best song ever but I am not joking here, it might just be my favorite ever. I clap for all but I never cheer for the horns, and I wonder if that makes me a bad person, especially when dirt bike without horns would be shit. That intro is sooo perfect . A self called nowhere kicks total ass. Spy literally gets better every time I see it oml, I could not stop laughing at the back in black bit. SPY x16. The end of the tour is the best song ever, just so so lovely.

Man its so loud in here is really another contender for genuine serious most favorite tmbg song, I love it so so so so so much. Theyve played it at all my shows except the bowl, it wouldve been too powerful. I am so grateful for all the actual shows having it though, actual best song ever even if they play it a little different! Please compare my all time top played song man its so loud in here with all time 1 scrobble out of jail. (I really do not dislike out of jail, I dont know why I havent listened to it. I dont remember how it goes. John henry is my second favorite tmbg album. I dont know whats wrong with me.) When will you die just makes me think about how nothing will ever top the hollywood bowl when will you die, what a surprise and also great song. Doing the working undercover for the man sha la las in a crowd is so fucking cool!!! OH IVE HEARD ALL OF FINGERTIPS LIVE TWICE NOW, HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW WHOVE HEARD FINGERTIPS LIVE NOT ONCE BUT TWICE. I have to mention cloisonne, idk what to say about it but I heard cloisonne live, lmfao <3. Where your eyes dont go is so spooky and awesome. Brontosaurus is so great. Doctor worm is the best song ever. Letterbox is the best song ever. Last song of the night was no one knows my plan and they did not even make us conga. You may be thinking, no particle man? No istanbul? Well this ran long so im making a part 2 LOL

Also during the course of this show I sweated fucking tons, I was like legally an ocean. Anyways

[virtuangel]

vity and tbz?!

hi bibi <3 (it got long so. it goes under the cut)

crabs

first bias: serim (& jungmo)

current bias: woobin / wonjin / jungmo / serim

album ranking: season 2 (hideout: the new day we step into) > liberty: in our cosmos = new wave > season 3 (hideout: be our voice) = season 1 (hideout: remember who we are) > the awakening: written in the stars (> vivid > boogie woogie)

how i got into them: i was interested when i heard they were going to debut bc. it's always exciting to see new groups debuting i think (nd partially because of the pdx/x1 guys but like not Really bc . i didnt rlly remember that i liked them during pdx AND i didnt like mini/hyeongjun when x1 was. a thing) + brina was posting abt them when the teaser pics were coming out nd all that so they were on the dash for me to see y'know. then batr came out and i hated it so i thought that's where my adventure w the cavities was done but after a while i finally listened to the rest of the album AND STAY WAS THE BEST SONG IVE EVER HEARD............i listened to Only her on loop for like DAYS . n here we are now

which member would be my best friend: id pester mini until he agrees to be friends w me . also wanji !! best friend energy off the charts

something i associate with them: crabs. cavities. brina & eri. the phrase brand deals bc of how many times ive said that mini deserves all the brand deals in the world. bubblegum w hyeongjun. orangeade & sewoon songs with wanji. pitbull (dont ask). randall the lizard thing w jungmo (this is brina's fault blame her). meteors, honestly.

bring the boyz back

first bias: haknyeon (& hyunjun)

current bias: ?????? (chanhee/sunwoo/hyunjae)

album ranking: reveal = breaking dawn > the start = chase > maverick => the sphere = dreamlike > the first = thrill-ing > the only > tattoo = be aware > bloom bloom (= last man standing = all about you > christmassy! => drink it > white) + still haven't heard the she's the boss album oops..... as u can see. very different from my title track ranking

how i got into them: see it's a long, long, long story........ was really excited when they were rumoured to have their little snack shop show/be debuting because i liked hak from broduce. i made another twt account just specifically for the to-be-tbz stanning purposes. saw hwall fantakens n i was like Oh Whos that. nd then suddenly i stopped going on that account n kinda forgot? abt them? i would listen to every release they'd put out but without much more bc as much as i LOVED boy. song of the century. i absolutely hated giddy up so i was like well too bad :/ rip my interest in them :/ and i think i disliked right here at first as well (i love her now. shes my beloved.) but i was absolutely INSANE about no air shes the best song ever i've been in love with her from the first second i heard her. so i ended up watching the showcase stage n someone caught my eye (i ended up finding out it was hak which was rlly funny it was a . destiny kinda moment). i think it was around that time that i saw their right here era weekly idol appearance. got a small crush on sunwoo. but then nothing much more happened rlly? i still kept watching their mvs whenever they'd release one and i Was a p big fan of their music!! and . i must have seen some more content at Some point before rtk because i remember already having a better idea of who each of them were before rtk started but. it was rlly during rtk that i rlly got Into them . but like . Rlly into them like . the amount of vlives i watched in the span of a few months (while rtk was airing, even though i wasn't watching the actual show, only the performances, and for a while after it ended im p sure)......yeah

which member would be my best friend: chanhee bestie shaped.... also possibly moonbae . or hyunjae/eric

something i associate with them: betrayal plotlines. flower emojis (esp in spam format). horses & pigs w hak. pink hair, chanhee's natural haircolour. big pools during summertime. winter releases (they probably have the best ones overall all things considered). sorry to taemin but danger is their song. also u w kyu & léks w cob & sarah w eric

[biolizardboils]

its been 10 days since the movieversary but my CU hyperfixation's still going so heres another one of those Scattered Thoughts posts (minor movie spoilers!)

So i updated the playlist at treehouseblogsinc this week! Idek if Wikplayer still works for most people, but this streak’s five years long and i aint quittin yet! (Usually i just replace song links when they break, but this time i removed a song too cus the guy it references has been Bitch lately)

Speaking of, i did my semi-annual reread of the whole blog too and... man :’’’) Its still mind-blowing how many people played along (and got pissed at Melvin when he took over lmaooo). All the silly, sweet, and angry asks i got there still warm my heart to this day

You know what else i still do to this day? Draw things Pilkey-style! Sometimes i try to follow a rigid anatomy when i draw and feel stuck when it doesnt look right. When that happens, i step back and make a quick Pilk-ish sketch as a reminder to keep things loose. Works every time :)

Something i still love about the movie and the months leading up to it is how much of it felt like a grand... I dont wanna say joke, cus that kinda implies they didnt care when its obvious they truly did. Lets go with prank — it all felt like a grand prank! Like the decisions they made worked in the end, but were also super funny to read and hear about. Like oh my god, they rented Abbey Road Studios to record a choir playing kazoos and singing the word “underpants!” They got the biggest up-and-coming horror director to voice white-ass Melvin Sneedly. (Tho i guess now it can be argued that he’s white-passing in movie!verse, so thats cool)

My fave example of this is how they got Lil Yachty for the album. On one hand, whatever chunk of the limited budget they spent to get him probably could’ve been put to better use, like actually animating the Turbo Toilet fight or something? (While moving the Flip-O-Rama to another scene of course.) On the other hand, its hilarious that they got him to rap the word “cool” 15 times to a cover of Oh Yeah, and then didnt even put it in the movie. Its like George and Harold themselves wrote the stupidest lyrics possible just to see if he’d agree to them, and he did?? Thats comedy gold???

Why didnt i bookmark all the production stuff posted to Instagram. There was so much cool stuff i wanna see again but the search function there is still garbage and uuuughh

So i dont remember if it was production art or fanart but theres this one Instagram post i saw once thats lived in my head ever since. it looked like the cover of Action Comics #1, but with Captain carrying a school bus. If by some miracle somebody has it saved, please send it to me ill be forever in your debt

Im still scared of getting what’s coming to me when the Dog Man movie drops, but now im also wondering if theyll still have George and Harold as a framing device. Ngl i havent caught up with the new books in a hot minute, but ive heard that the boys have stopped appearing in them? if that’s true, that’s Dav’s choice and i have to respect that. ....but also i really wanna see them in CG again. pretty please dreamworks, i miss my sons so much

It mustve been a while since i last watched the movie, cus when i did on the 2nd, the Origin Issue sequence like... broke me all over again. i wrote about why its so great once for a thing that never got made actually, lemme dig that up and paste it in here

The score begins with chiptune and kazoos, two common motifs for childhood whimsy, and already a great fit for this sequence’s simple, handdrawn look. 

But it doesn’t stop there! It goes from what sounds like just two or three people playing kazoos… to a whole chorus of them… which gives way to a full-fledged orchestra. It’s as dramatic a transition as… oh, say, a one-man children’s book to an animated movie by one of the top studios in the industry.

And in turn, as the comic continues, we’re brought closer and closer to the panels until the white gutter between them vanishes, and they engulf the screen. The medium through which this story’s being told has faded from awareness; all that exists now is the story itself. 

But just as suddenly, we’re brought back to our true surroundings. The orchestral music ends, the chiptune returns for one last gentle sting, and we remember this epic tale’s humble origins: a comic book, written and drawn by two 4th graders. *sniff*

Another Score thing i love: you know how Captain is one big Superman parody? I think Shapiro mightve had that in mind when he composed his theme tune, because it starts with a triumphant first three notes (the “Underpaaaaants” part) — just like some of Superman’s! I dont know the right musical terms but cmon, theres a pattern there! And its so touching that they found Captain worthy of a song of that caliber!! Like yes, he IS a true superhero!! heres the epic theme song to prove it!!

Oh wow okay. So to dig up that Writing Thing, i had to open some folders i havent touched in years. And there were outlines for 10 different fanfics in there. I remember not really meaning to finish them ever, just writing them down cus the ideas wouldnt leave me alone. Hell i still dont have time to finish them now

But. Man now i feel bad for never doing anything with them. I have half a mind to post the outlines at least?? Cus someone out there might get a kick out of them?? You know what, if this hyperfixation doesnt peter out in another few days ill probably do it

Speaking of things i havent looked at in years, i listened to this song while typing all this and im tearing up now send post

[okcomputeroknotok19972017]

if you don't mind me asking... how did you start liking radiohead so much? what is it about them that puts you on a chokehold. random question i know but whenever i see someone who's deeply moved by an artist i always wonder how that love came to be :)

bwbwbwbwbwbwwb i love you i love you this is such a nice question to ask and makes me so happy :)

<3 i’d heard creep years ago on a television show and didn’t think of it for a long time, i think once when i was 12 my dad played kid a and wasn’t really listening to it but i told him to turn it off because it was bumming me out? LOL anyways flash forward to age 15 in late october 2020 and i’m playing rockband 2 with my family, and recognize one of the songs that’s on there: creep. i remember how the verse goes a little bit so we try it… i’m no good at singing it because i haven’t heard it in years and years, but i think “damn that was a bummer. good song though!”

that night i decided to look up the music video on youtube so that i can familiarize myself more with the song to sing it, and wtf, they have a song called weird fishes! i have a pet fish i like fish! i listen to it and WHAT THE FUCK. it's like nothing i've EVER heard before, so vivid and rich and what the FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. immediately obsessed with weird fishes. see jigsaw falling into place in my recommended, think lol thats a funny name, listen to it and go WHAT THE FUCK again. feel something shift inside me. after a 24hour weird fishes LOCKDOWN i go to the radiohead wikipedia page and recognize "oh ive heard of ok computer, dont know much about it other than everyone loves it," decide to listen to paranoid android first & then the full album. What the Fuck again. What the shit. Whag the hell.

i don't remember which album i listened to next, i want to say the bends? either way, by late november i was BIG into radiohead. hadn't finished all the albums yet, but the shift inside me furthered until i could hear a little "click" somewhere in my brain or my chest. ask for a radiohead shirt for christmas. get the DAEHOIDAR shirt from the website as a gift :-). radiohead is my 2nd favorite band. start watching interviews and learning bits and pieces about the guys. watch live performances. giggle and send everyone i know the winter wonderland cover. become clinically depressed. get through the rest of the albums. go inpatient. be half-awake one morning before the insanely early breakfast time, unable to move and DESPERATELY trying to remember the lyrics to faust arp. i fucking KNOW THIS. it was tearing me apart, i was so distressed....when i finally Woke up it all came flooding back and i was so relieved. i just think that memory is so funny. go back home and listen to more radiohead. cry to scatterbrain more times than i can count. that becomes My Song. start explaining who thom yorke is in casual conversation. get sent a lot of creep memes. radiohead has long since taken over as my favorite band ever and very soon my streaming stats reflect that. work the shittiest most miserable job imaginable at an extremely poorly-managed dog daycare and mumble the entirety of each radiohead album to myself to keep me occupied and pass the time as i very illegally was not allowed to sit down or take a break for 8 full hours. friends start knowing me for my radiohead obsession. therapist interrogates me over whether my obsession with my favorite band causes problems in my life. get a lot of merch and a lot of cds. watch THE SMILE's second livestream in january '22....

this is insane why am i going into so many pointless details. very sorry i got carried away....long story short i am the biggest radiohead fan in the world i regularly train myself in case someone stops me on the street and asks me to list every single song in their discography in chronological order and/or recite the lyrics to all of them and my parents know a lot about each member of the band and don't really like it when i involve radiohead trivia in every single conversation. i had a catastrophic level 5 radiohead moment at work a few months ago where a customer bought the suspiria soundtrack WHICH I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WE HAD and my vision got blurry and i couldnt type and could barely say anything coherent to him. my manager was unimpressed. a little embarrassing looking back but kinda funny.

why i love radiohead? perhaps because theyre the greatest band of all time. perhaps because im a greep. perhaps because he has to squeak and mewl while singing

[ivyuns]

landing in my heart: closer

genre: angst, slight fluff

word count: 2.3k

warnings: location is in north korea, jealousy, guns, car crashes, kinda rushed lol

part three of landing in my heart

landing in my heart information

“what did you just say?”

“i would appreciate if you put the gun away from my fiancee”

“she belongs to division 11. and for those who doesnt know, shes unable to release her personal information. now if you mind, my fiancee is exhausted from her recent mission she came back from” jisung told everybody. on point, your body falls onto jisung’s shoulders, acting as if you were actually exhausted.

jisung takes you to his property till you two are out of sight until jisung clears his throat. “you can let go now” without hesitation, you let go and immediately asks whats division 11 is all about. telling you everything, you enter the house with jisung trailing behind you.

jisung takes you to his property till you two are out of sight until jisung clears his throat. “you can let go now” without hesitation, you let go and immediately asks whats division 11 is all about. telling you everything, you enter the house with jisung trailing behind you.

jisung offers you a cup of water and telling you to drink it to calm down. you gladly accept it as he takes a deep breath. “house inspections happens randomly, but i didnt expect it to happen today. im sorry”

“well, im sure you were equally surprised by it too, so no worries. and you showed up on perfect timing too” you smiled at him, drinking the water then looking around. “by the way, are you hurt? are you okay?” jisung asks while hes checking up on you for any hurt wounds. looking up and making eye contact, you see how his eyes were full of worry. shaking you head a no, you smile at him and was distrubed by knocks on jisungs gates.

“captain han! are you there?!”

jisung goes to open the door and sees the village women, who had heard about the news about you and offers him food. feeling like he couldnt hold any plates, they offer him to help him and take it into the house until you appear behind him.

“o-oh! nice to meet you, captain han’s fiancee” one of the women says. greeting them back, you grab one of the plate full of food from jisung. before you two could go, they ask you where your last mission was, what was it about and how was it. expecting to answer all their questions, you replied as “im sorry, i cant have my information out there”. the women gasp, shocked at they way you talked to them.

jisung tells them to go home and have a good night. doing what theyre told, they walked away and you close the gate. “is captain han really in love with her?” “is this a one-sided love?” “look at her hair, it looks so messy!” hearing all the comments they made about you made you stop your tracks, as long as jisung. gritting you teeth in annoyance, you two continued to go inside the house and ate the food they made for you two.

as you two got ready for bed, jisung made you sleep in the living room as he slept in his room. talking though the closed door, you asked him if he ever went to switzerland. “sorry if im being nosy. but i saw piano sheets and an application form from switzerland. did you have a girlfriend that you would play the piano to?” with no response from him, you drifted to sleep.

after the years go by, yiseo is back in pyongyang. passing the gates, yiseo bumps into minseok, who smiles at her and lets her go first. yiseo smiles back and proceeds until she sees her uncle, myeongseok. “ah, look at my yiseo. you lost a lot of weight during your studies in russia.”

“damn, its always the north korean women who have the best taste” minseok tells himself, but as his bodyguard hears him, he tells them to be careful of what he says. minseok then tells him he will pay him an extra 10,000 won if hed stop nagging him, but hell pay minseok 10,000 won if he nags to him again.

as yiseo and myeongseok stops at their car outside the airport, she realized what happened to the other car. “uncle, wheres the other car?” she asks. “oh, i had to lend it to jisung” “are you going to pick it up or is he bringing it back here” “im sure i can go there and pick it up after my recital tomorrow” “huh?! are you sure? i didnt even mention you were coming back to him because he never asks about you” “what kind of woman doesnt remember her fiance?”

the coal mine.

cheolgang enters the coal mine and enters the wire-trapper room after greeting his soldiers. the soldiers gets up from their seats and salutes cheolgang. “ive seen you all work hard, thank you”. manbok hears cheolgang and immediately salutes him. cheolgang tells manbok to follow him into the back exit.

“sir, what brings you all the way here?” manbok asks. “ri muyeok’s brother is now in the outpost. so i need you to wire his house. theres a women in there and im using it to ruin his family” as cheolgang finishes. manbok gets flashbacks about jisung’s brother.

7 years ago.

“you see, my little brother is studying in switzerland right now” muyeok says in the car with another soldier. “mmhm, hes a piano genius with a full scholarship. but everytime i call him, hes always sorry. maybe its because one of us had to follow our dads path” muyeok replies. “did you wanted to be on the piano path?” “nah, i wasnt into it as jisung was so i took this path” the soldier nods his head. “but he told me when he gets back, he’ll play a song for me, so im excited for that. i bet itll put me in a happy mood”

manbok, who listens to their conversation, helping cheolgang with his favor; killing muhyeok. telling where the driver to go, they collied with muyeoks vehicle. hearing the crashing noises made manbok go numb.

everyones outside the village, looking though jisung’s car, full of excitement. eavesdropping from the gate, jisung comes behind you and tells you hes leaving. “wait let me walk you out. so those women can see what i actually look like since it was dark outside” “no, theres no time for that. also, here. tie it up” jisung gives you a handkerchief. “tie what up?” jisung turns you around and ties your hair up, securing it with a double knot.

heading out of the gate together, you pretended to play the good wife and walked jisung out of the house. before he could leave your sight, you grabbed his wrist and told him to pat you hair, as if you two were being real about your engagement. he then pats your house as everyone is disgusted at your actions. you then tell him to wave at you in which he did. waving at him back, he turns around and heads to the base, bowing at people.

the village women from last night shows up to jisungs house after bad talking about you, inviting for a kimchi battle, you refuse.

back at the base, all soldiers are in an array. “hwang hyunjin, lee felix, kim seungmin, and yang jeongin. all of you but the four of you, head to the shooting range”

with everyone gone but the five of them, they meeting in jisung’s office. “so what did you tell them” hyunjin asks. “i told them shes my fiancee” everyone gasp loudly. “guys just be quiet right now. we just need a plan for her to get back on the boat”

as the four men walk to jisungs house as jisung himself goes to where the accident happened. as he talks to the soldier that was the guard for the place couldnt see what exactly happened since it was dark but he took note on how empty the cargo was and how the front the truck had armor. a very sharp armor.

in south korea, sehyeong calls the people who are helping him track down minseok, telling them to go to the places where he think hes hiding at. at the family meeting, both sehyeong and sejun continue to fight over who would be the next heir. sanga recommends the la vie en rose should be over if your disappearance is longer than expected.

in the village, you can see how hard life is as a north korean. telling the boys that youre off into the house to get potatoes, you noticed a little boy stealing one of the jackets. as the boys saw, they quickly ran towards the little boy and manages to stop him, as a bag of rice falls off of his pocket. “let me go! i need to feed my sister who hasnt eaten in 3 days and because of that, she cant open her eyes!”

making everyone come back to the house, you grabbed food from the cupboards as hyunjin is speaking nonsense. “you really act like this is your own house. youre giving away food thats not even yours to some boy whos lying” after putting the food into a tote bag, as well as a small blanket, youre stopped as you see jisung. “captain han! hes faking it!” hyunjin yells out. “no im not!”

“shut up hyunjin” you shut him up. jisung tells the little boy to wash his face and hands before eating so that he can prevent getting sick. after he washes he face and hands, he runs towards his little sister, who is sleeping alone under cardboard and a small sheet covering it. finally happy to feed his sister.

after that is finished, everyone gathers around and spends time with you before you leave tonight. “okay everyone! today i will give you awards to claim once we meet again” “awards!? are you a general or something?-” “and the first award goes to yang jeongin !” you say as you cut off hyunjin. “now you have two choices. you can use your prize as we see each other again or get it now. when we meet, youll get 100 million won, or get 8 corn now” “ill get the corn!”

“second prize goes to lee felix! your prize when we meet again is have lunch with jiwoo or get the tv right there” you pointed to jisungs tv. “look-” “dont worry, hell pick the first one” you whisper back to jisung. “ill pick the first one” felix gets up and claims his award.

“third one goes to the most handsome is ... kim seungmin!” jisung looks at you with disbelief. “you can have a blind date with miss korea or any award youd like” “ill choose none” nodding you head, you agreed seungmin is like the boys in south korea.

“okay thats all-” “wait what about me” hyunjin asks. “seriously? fine here, have this shampoo, conditioner, and bodywash” as you threw him the bag full of the products jisung got you earlier. “what the- captain han you really bought her this?!” “she said it was essentials”

after announcing the awards and coming to the end, jisung gets up as jealousy is on him, and goes out of the house. following him behind, you take him to your thank you gift for him; tomatoes after giving the seller half of jisungs potato sack since you didnt have any money. however, jisungs not impressed since he doesnt like tomatoes and doesnt properly treat it well. “whatever, just water it and say 10 nice things to it”

the night comes and everything leads to the end. the 4 men are back, eating corn on the mountain near the base with the moon shinning on them. “i feel sad now” jeongin speaks, stopping the silence. “after all the complications, its now the end”

you and jisung go inside the car jisung borrowed from myeonseok. heading to the dock where youre finally going home. taking off the handkerchief jisung gave you for you hair and folding it, you put it in the middle. “thank you for everything. i mean it” you told him. “we wont see each other again, right?” “probably” jisung answers. “its such a shame that you live here.” “its a shame that you live there” you chuckled at his joke, creating silence in the car once again.

parking the car near the deck, felix’s dad comes out of his boat as you two walk out. giving him the ticket, he asks if its just you. “no, the two of us. ill return after she is on the other boat” jisung says as you widen your eyes at him.

going onto the boat and sailing into the middle of the ocean. “since we probably wont see each other again, my name is yoon y/n” jisung looks at you with sincere eyes. “my name is han jisung” jisung smiles.

“ah, im a member of the haeju yoon clan. haeju is in north korea right?” “im a member of hanju han clan” “the irony!” both of you laugh, making jisung feeling happy after a while.

suddenly, a flash a light flashed the boat. “stop the boat!” yelled the other boat who was trailing behind felix’s dads boat. you and jisung hid under the boat as the boat was stopped. the police were investigating the boat. “were here to see your honesty and see if youre trading goods or smuggling humans to other countries” “why would i do that?” the police stomps on the blue hallow board, which was where you and jisung were hiding.

“open up!” was what you both heard underneath. “jisung! what do we do?! youre a soldier you should know what to do. geez” you silently yelled out. “in south korean dramas-” “what?! this is no time to talk about this” you freaked out. “im going to do something. now look at me and dont be startled. look at me and nothing else”

with that, jisung slams his lips into yours as the door opened.

additional ending:

after you leave jisung alone with the tomato plant, jisung bends down and tells 10 nice words.

“sunshine, happiness, rose, friends, breeze, cheekies, family, flowers, love, and piano”

[lemonietrinket]

How Day6 would react to overhearing you admit your crush on him to one of the other members

AN: a request from anon. i feel ive treated this more seriously (and focused perhaps more on the confessions themselves, bc i interpreted ‘crush’ subconsciously as ‘having long-term-feelings for’) than you meant in your request but i hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

Sungjin

“hyuuun, i’m in love please make it stop.” “only way that’s going to happen is if you go tell him.” “...i hate you.”

sungjin... i picture is going to date to marry (or an equivalent if marriage is not for you, as though i get the vibe he’s quite traditional, for the right person he would be very easily convinced), so he takes crushes and confessions quite seriously

probably would feel bad for eavesdropping

then would feel happy that you felt the same way

but then more serious issue of now having to confess would take over

would spend a long time thinking of the best way to do it

would probably settle on a classic walk or cinema/theatre depending on what’s showing

would make damn sure he and you would be alone while confessing—so to save both parties from pressure and embarrassment should things go wrong 

also he’s quite a private guy and would want to let others know on his own and your terms

ngl probably wouldn’t admit he’d overheard you until like... a long time later

it would be under the initial reasoning that he would wait until you were stable so it wouldn’t have too big of an effect

but then he would forget

until it randomly came up in conversation 

like we may even be talking years here

maybe when you live in your own place, just the two of you, and you’re hanging out with him and younghyun who is just refusing to go home bc the food is too good at yours who brings it up 

“i don’t understand how it took so long for you two to get together, like even wonpil was starting to find yn’s pining sickening.”

and you would be salty, because “excuse me i hid my desperation very well!”

and sungjin would just immediately come to support you because he’s a loyal motherfucker and would begin, without thinking “she did, i didn’t know until i—”

that would be when he stops himself bc hes like oh shit i didn’t tell her and now two very curious sets of eyes are like staring at him and he’s 98% sure he can’t backtrack at all 

“when you what?”

and he would just sigh “when i overheard you telling younghyun that you liked me”

and there’d be a moment of silence, followed by laughter 

youngk would be confused, probably, having a surprisingly better recollection that you perhaps would “wait i remember that—how did it take you two months to work out what to do next?!”

and you end up just laughing harder, before noticing the the mix of emotions on sungjins face and reassure him “it doesn’t matter how long it took, we’re together now”

anyway overall sungjin is probably quite serious about it, but it will have a happy ending, you’ve just got to be patient lmao 

Jae

“dowoon, what do i do?” 

jae would be playful about it

after hearing you ask dowoon for advice since hes good friends with him he would be ecstatic, but would try and keep it lowkey

he’d hide out of sight of the doorway he’d passed by to have his little moment

and then he wouldn’t be able to stop smiling

his eyes would keep glancing to you for the rest of the day, even more than usual

but i think he would want to make things more official as soon as possible, as he doesn’t want to waste any time when he could do it sooner and be with you

and so he’d ask if you had a spare moment on the day or so, and take you some place quiet

not necessarily his room, more likely just outside the front door in the warm summer air

and ngl i think he would totally pull the “i think you know why i summoned you here today”

of course, yall have no idea, but you’re used to his occasional crackheadery—otherwise why would you crush on him so hard? “not a bit, but if its a trip to get snacks you don’t even have to ask, i’m in”

“well, that is a plan for later... depending on how this goes”

that’s the point where you would get confused and begin to wonder if something is up, but hel’l continue “i found out something really cool today yn.”

“really? was it the pin to brian’s credit card?”

he would laugh but shake his head, “nah even better” and that would give you the heads up that this was serious, and it would occur to you that he might have overheard something

but it becomes obvious when he follows with “a little bird... told me that someone, likes someone else, in our group. our friendship group.”

you briefly consider panicking, as the whole thing could still be construed as him not liking you back, but you put on a brave face and push through, “oh really? who?”

“that’s the problem, i don’t know, but i was wondering if you did.”

the chance was clear for anyone to see, and seeing the glimmer of hope, you seize it “well, i know someone who likes you... but i’m not sure if its mutual, so that might be why they haven’t said”

“if it’s who i think it is, then it definitely is... mutual” he would admit

and that would be the closest the two of you ever got to literally word-for-word confessing, because out of nerves neither of you would probably be able to admit it at the crux of the moment

however, like in all the movies idc if its cliche you would gravitate towards each other, and that would be the moment where you both recognised your feelings as well as shared your first kiss together

ok i’m going to stop before i combust 

anyway as for whether he’d admit he’d overheard you, he would probably be quite quick to the chase on that one too, probably right after the kiss and you’ve spoken about it a bit more, he’ll probably just say “i kind of accidentally overheard you telling dowoon, please don’t be mad at me”

but how could you be, you’d gotten what you wanted after all

in conclusion, jae is lighthearted about it and woudn’t waste any time

Younghyun

“wonpil did i tell you how much i love his eyes?” “hmmm... perhaps... but tell me again, to just to make sure.”

god bless wonpil his emotional support would be A+

right off the bat our youngk is a songwriter

he probably finds a lot of inspiration out of love

and so his feelings for you coalesce to create love songs that he may or may not use in the future

anyhow, it means that to cope with his feelings he’s probably half composed something small where he admits them 

with little intention of you probably ever hearing it at all

or at least, not without big chunks edited and names changed/cut

but when he overhears you rambling to wonpil who doesn’t mind the sappiness a characteristic you probably got off our brian anyway with his occasional borderline emo-ness

he’s grateful to his past-self for starting it, and realises that maybe its time to finish it

so it’ll take a week or so for him to finally confess

bc even though hes a bit of a flirt, i don’t see him wanting to tarnish love, since he owes it so much and its not fun to play with someone’s heart, especially not yours

so it might take him a little longer, and when he gets round to it, it’ll be perfect, just like you in his eyes

so prepare to be serenaded

yes, that sort of serenaded

in dim evening light, with the sun’s glow beginning to fade and make way for the stars, flickering like the candles laid out for you

again, that classical vibe won’t be missed on him

as for whether he’d tell you, probably only if you asked, but he would add that he’d been writing the song beforehand

he just may not admit to not planning on ever performing it

overall? when it comes to romantic flair, kang younghyun is king 

Wonpil

“sungjin, uh, do you know where wonpil is? i can’t—” “isn’t he at your hip?” “as much as i kind of wish he was, he kind of isn’t.”

wonpil, my lovely sweetheart

probably wouldn’t be able to stop himself from just

walking straight in when he accidentally overhears you to ask right there and then

like, you’re probably pestering talking to sungjin in the kitchen or another equally frequented place, so it was likely that someone was going to overhear anyway 

and maybe that was part of sungjins plan dont put it past him

but also it meant wonpil got further into the room the hunt for sustenance spurring him on, you know how it is before he caught onto what was being said, thus making it harder to back out

thus sungjin knew he’d overheard, but you with your back to the door were still clueless

and would’ve stayed that way had wonpil not continued and straight up asked or sungjin not said anything, which lets face it by this point he was really considering doing

he would be really excited about hearing that the feelings were mutual, and you were right there so what harm was really being done if he did just straight up waltz in?

as soon as you heard his small “you like me too?” you would whip around 

aaand that would be sungjin’s cue to leave

“do you mean that?”

“it only feels right when you’re by my side, pillie.”

the words you would exchange would be in a soft flurry of emotion tbh, out of disbelief but excitement for the future

most likely ending with you embracing, foreheads resting against one another’s

fluff hours only in the house of pil, ok?

Dowoon

“jae, do you think dowoon will be free tomorrow?” “yea why?” “i want to take him to the cat cafe—” “oh my god is it happening?! is it really happening? are you finally going to tell him? plan ILU is underway?” “keep it down!” “oh god everybody stay calm, stay fucking calm—!”

my bean

my lovely bean

would feel guilty over accidentally eavesdropping, and this would reflect in his shyness later

however, he decides to run with the silver lining of having the chance to be prepared for tomorrow

and so he would not say a word and try and act natural

especially when you ask him if he wants to go out somewhere with you the next day

he’s not sure how he did, he tried to hide his ears as best he could but he was also well aware you knew him too well

when the next morning rolls around, he’s up early, getting ready in nice clothes that he hopes aren’t suspiciously too nice

and then he waits, trying to calm is nerves, before realising that maybe ignorance is bliss

when the time comes and you make your way to the cafe, he finds it difficult to act surprised, but also to try and keep his breath steady

finally, near the end, after asking if he had a good time and wanted to come back, you confess you liked him and it’s as if a weight lifts off his shoulders

he would kiss your cheek soon after, without much warning, out of relief and joy and nerves and a whole lot of else

and you’d probably pull him in for a proper kiss by his collar as soon as you’re sure he’s ok with it

and then the fact he eavesdropped would be a secret that he would die with

~~~

Masterlist

[clumsyclifford]

just finished writing this and realized how long it got oh jeez i am so sorry. i promise it is just me rambling about nothing and does not require a lot of thought.

i made a playlist of r5's entire discography and am listening to it (in order) because there is something wrong with me. if only it had their very first ever ep on it (ready set rock ep you may have been slight garbage but i don't love you any less for it). oh god i realized i fucked up and didn't add the songs by "ross lynch and r5" from the austin & ally soundtrack. i'm already three songs into louder and they would have been between louder and say you'll stay. what do i have to do is actually one of r5's best songs and i'm pretty sure i remember ross calling it one of his favs fairly recently?? which was so valid of him. anyways. this is now an r5 song ranking. i'm bored and avoiding doing assignments. i'm going to name my top 10 r5 songs off the top of my head. source: me trying to remember every song they've ever released.

no. 1: easy love. nothing comes close. my fav song they ever made. they haven't made anything that even compares since (this is /hj. tde has some valid songs).

no. 2: wishing i was 23. what do you mean i only love this song because of my nostalgia bias no i don't.

no. 3: what do i have to do? i will not elaborate i do not know why i adore this song as much as i do it's just a cute song.

no. 4: repeating days. THE END. THE FUCKING END AFTER THE SONG ENDS THE "all i've got is cheap wine" PART ross sounds so vulnerable and him with just the guitar makes me so :(((((( it's so gorgeous that part makes the whole song and that makes it top 3 for me.

no. 5: i want u bad. THAT SONG FUCKS LIVE. I DO NOT WANT TO THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT I WILL PROBABLY NEVER SEE IT LIVE AGAIN. (speaking of concerts i can't believe you bought concert tix and fucking forgot??? that is actually so fucking funny bella it made me laugh i will not lie)

no. 6: dark side. so so valid of them. it just fucks. it's so good. it makes u want to dance. u named a fic after a lyric from it which was so valid.

no. 7: did you have your fun? i love this song. no i will not elaborate. it is a sexy song. what's that one lyric from it that's hot. "love me, leave me, left me numb" some lyrics you love for no particular reason and for me that's one of those lyrics.

no. 8: f.e.e.l.g.o.o.d. this has alwayysss been one of my favs by them. since it dropped. some lore about it: the like crowd yelling that's in it they recorded live at a festival they played and i remember there being hype about this being an unreleased song when they had the crowd chanting "f-e-e-l-g-o-o-d" with no explanation. also another fun fact is that the final version of this is just a demo?? source: my slightly faulty memory remembering ross saying something about some demos being so good that you keep them as they are and it later being revealed this was the song he was talking about.

no. 9: i know you got away. sexy song. they released a vocals only version of it (that has apparently since been deleted?? i went to look for it on youtube and couldn't find it?? wtf r5) that has stuck with me ever since.

no. 10: loud. but more specifically the acoustic or live version. this was their encore song that they played to end every show. i MISS IT. it holds a special place in my heart.

honorable mentions: hurts good (a good song and THEIR LAST THEY EVER RELEASED VV SAD), wild hearts (fun fact almost picked a lyric from this song as my senior quote till i found out they didn't write this song), fallin' for you (YOU LIKE MISMATCHED SOCKS WITH POLKA DOTS YOU LIKE YOUR PIZZA COLD I THINK THATS HOT i never saw this song live and i'm still fucking pissed about it ok), do it again (it's such a sweet song :(((( "listen to the airplanes as we count the stars" gives me the same vibes as six feet under the stars), things are looking up (generally just a cute song!! this whole ep is just very good and very cute!! when i saw it live one time during the bridge ross was like "everyone shut up this is my favorite part >:(" and that was so valid of him) i can't say i'm in love (it's just a fun song!! it was a bonus track on sln from another country), trading time (this is the only song from the new addictions ep that i listed and u know what i'm Not sorry)

ok. i will spare you and stop rambling. other honorable mentions: if you have never listened to cool girl (feat. the driver era) by new beat fund i highly recommend. it's an okay song but it was one of the first songs released after they rebranded as tde and includes ross saying motherfucker with his whole chest. i will never again feel what i felt the first time i heard that song having listened exclusively to them as r5 whose songs they couldn't curse in because they were on a disney label.

in conclusion. i miss r5. ross saying fuck is kinda hot. i listened to the entirety of louder while writing this. i am sorry to dump this in your askbox. i still have multiple assignments to do and should probably go to sleep at a decent time. it feels fitting to finally stop writing while easy love is on. when i was 12 and this ep came out i thought "dirtbags" was a curse word and was scared to sing it. they changed it to "douchebags" live.

that's all. goodbye. have a lovely night. listen to r5's discography for clear skin thriving crops etc etc. sorry to lovepost about them in your askbox i only have (1) former r5 mutual that i still talk to (a very interesting but long story. she's the gemini bestie) and she will only lovepost about r5 once in a while. feel free to ignore my ask calling cody bellinger hot i was a different person when i wrote it i am now a changed woman. LOVE YOU MWAH - bella but she misses r5

hi hi im going to answer this with minimal thought because im tired but i dont wanna leave this sitting in my inbox forever but for the record all your r5 opinions are valid. ok lets go

1. easy love slaps ive heard it a couple times over the last few days (it played in the car today while i was driving sam n meghna to the airport) and it does fuck i can see why it's your fave

2. i do not know this song

3. A BOP A WHOLE FUCKIN BOP

4. oh i do love repeating days great choice i would have to hear it a few more times to get it in my head but i remember really liking it when i listened to the album it's on

5. also a banger and i'm glad my concert tickets situation made you laugh it made me laugh too imagine being this useless gldskfjgs

6. DARK SIDE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS GIVE IN TO YOUR DARK SIDE YOUR DARK SIDE IIIIIIIII SEE THE WAY YOU LOOK AT MEEEEE

7. ANOTHER FUCKING BANGER this one is probably among my favorite r5 songs maybe top 5 LOVE ME LEAVE ME LEFT ME NUMB (guitar moment) DID YOU HAVE YOUR FUUUuuuuUUUUUNNNNN i feel the same way about this lyric as you

8. oh shit thats pretty cool i dont know this song tbh i cant remember how it goes i know ive heard it once or twice but. id have to listen to it again so i will keep you posted on that

9. i do not know this one either

10. interesting choice for top ten but i support you, this song fucks and ever since you mentioned it it's been in my subconscious and randomly getting stuck in my head i think i need to listen to it to get it out. it does hit ur right

11. i don't know hurts good or wild hearts or things are looking up or i can't say i'm in love or trading time well enough to say anything about them. but i really like fallin for you it's one of those cheap fun songs but emphasis on fun, and also really like do it again one day ill write a fic based on that song

i have not listened to cool girl i put it on my to listen playlist so hopefully i remember to listen to it soon ill be honest though i dont think im prepared for ross lynch saying motherfucker w his whole chest like i think itll take me out. so. anyway. i hope you got your assignments done. thank you for the r5 lovedump feel free to drop in anytime with more

[neo-shitty]

toffee!

hehe glad i could make you laugh, oooh that sounds awesome! yeah id love to be tagged it sounds great :)

YES the differences are so fucking weird. like, they do know they're the same age right? i feel like its just an exagguration of how much the persons role in the group matters, like we see chan being held up as such a mature, old leader while jungkook who is literally the same age, is still babied etc. like enha hyung line is basically the same age (if a bit younger) as chenle and jisung but somehow the rules are different?? as you point out, still legal but still bizarre. hehe yeah, i mean where else are we going to rant? quora lol. mmm, hopefully more people can just write less smut abt people who are barely adults

ah, no prob it didnt take long. yeah i think thats right (i keep forgetting you know my url lol) mmhmm :( i think if that happened irl there would be some major trauma going on. knock wood it never happens to you or me lol (/hj)

hehe same! oooh glad Redemption For Cheese was realised! yess we cant rllycomplain that theyve written/produced too much good music lol. yeah, ive dragged him into being a stay so *dusts hands off* mission accomplished. mmm yeah, they tend to have a certain vibe but tbh it couldve worked if they were any other group but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ahh ur one step ahead of me on the stages of listening to ssick i think, still not convinced but thats okay! hehe, it had to be said. yesss the itch in the back of my brain is very satisfied by sorry i love you, felixs vocals deserve to be appreciated! (side note i feel like hes trying to sing more like his speaking voice, sorta husky, but tbh i wouldnt be mad if he sang like in glow, his sweet honey vocals made my life lol. but i think ive heard him say he doesnt like singing like that cos it makes his normal voice less husky, so what can you do)

> YES SOMEONE SAID IT. seungmin rap KING, he sped thru that rap like it was nothing, he deserves more rap lines. i do like how they gave minho some melodic rap lines this comeback, my guy deserved to show off those skills that made him not be eliminated (flashbacks to stay collectively wanting to murder jyp) and we already know changbin can sing, my man murdered masked singer. hyunjin can obviously sing as can jisung and felix, and i want to hear chan rap more! i feel like he started as part of 3racha (as a rap unit not producing) and then just became a vocalist (which im fine with, but it could be nice to hear him flex his rapping skills) and was partially replaced by hyunjin. anywayyy

back to album talk. lmaooo sad music to twerk to PERFECTLY describes silent cry. yes secret secret is and will always be, a masterpiece. hehe glad i could make you laugh :) i just felt like they have similar vibes. putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised. oh my beloved track, red lights. ahh thats okay, we can have different opinions, but by god the lyrics are *chefs kiss*. *banging on table* TWISTED AU TWISTED AU TWISTED AU. yess id love to see ur take on it! sdfghjkl it would have been glorious

no no! not stupid, just able to predict my brainwaves. ooooh thats so cool! makes me want to go there (wherever there is lol) yeah the waves are pretty good here, but none of my familys a surfer, so we dont rlly enjoy the full potential lol. YES moving on to gone away, it is indeed a heartwrenching track, but the vocals and the bloody key change? makes me want to brave being sad just to listen to it. mmm yeah, good point :( i feel like ive just gotten used to overthinking so much so that it doesnt matter what mood im in, ill do it anyway, so might as well just do what i feel like doing anyway.

yeah i think ur right! it is quite comforting knowing that all the tracks will get the love they deserve. i feel like also people assume kpop is just one genre which is utter bs. there are so many different vibes and feels and songs, i couldnt get into kpop (of which i thought only the bright cheerful present day bts stuff existed smh) until i heard gods menu so... idk where i was going with this but yeah. :)

YES FUCK YG, theyre literally on the brink of being kicked out of the big three and they are holding their salvation hostage without letting them do ANYTHING. idek what thought process goes thru their minds but arghhh its so infuriating. yess lisa's cb will be awesome but ot4 is the gold standard here.

hehe, glad u could get to this point. no no! u dont sound like a cult member at all lol yeah, i loooove some of their songs but the whole 23 members thing is getting to me. thats prob a common problem with nctzens but what can i say? im a simple girl with a limit to how many korean boys i can give my money to. atm im just trying to get into ateez and finish memorising enhypen's faces. also kard is kinda sucking me into their fandom atm, as well as eric name lol. ah what can you do? ooh thats good!

hehe i love it too! its exactly like online penpals, that was rlly well put. aww ty! hmm im okay, recovering from a bad case of rsv so thats fun. im doing okay mentally, starting therapy soon (after having to convince my mother that its not just smth i can brush off). physically i wont go into, basically i should be doing stretches to help but they dont completely fix it so my lazy ass doesnt do them, plus i got told recently im going to be stuck with this condition for the rest of my life so thats fun! ah, before you type smth dw abt me ill be fine. the weather atm is cloudy but warm, its been raining on and off today which is good for the garden. uhh i just finished reading sunburnt veils and im in the middle of prom theory which is rlly good. ummm ive got a concert tonight? that i may or may not be able to sing in (bc of the whole rsv thingo) and uhhhh idk. my dog is cute? im drinking tea rn? ive got a school dance coming up?

wbu? hows ur day going, how are you? whats the weather like on ur end? done anything interesting lately? found smth that makes you rlly happy? just any random thing youve been dying to tell someone?

no no! dont apologise, i love these exchanges. i think im happy to continue them for a long time :) on the other hand, if you get tired of them, feel free to just not answer at any time. goodness gracious this was a long ask haha hope it isnt too annoying

<3 w.a. 🐺

sorry it took me a bit to reply, i was fixing my theme ;n;

yeah, i figured it was because of the roles too. my friends and i still get taken aback when 3rd gen idols are the same age as 4th gen ones. in my head it doesn't add up sometimes. PLS THE RANT AT QUORA SKJDK tbh tho it's just going to be normalized as the years pass? esp that the boys are growing older and the amount of explicit fics will just increase. i might have to start blocking tags.

i had to look up the previous ask to remember what we were talking about xd i hope the events in champagne problems never happens to anyone. realistically, it probably happens a lot. damn i really won't wish that pain on anyone. dragging your brother into being a stay i whEEZED JFKSA additional noeasy music enthusiast o.o and ALL I CAN SAY WITH YOU GUSHING ABT FELIX IS AHA WHIPPEEEED OML can't blame you tho, i also want to hear felix sing more in other shades (if that makes sense HAHA) i really hope they'll do the role exchange in the next comeback :( or like in the near future bc i know they can do it :( the day i hear seungmin rapping it i will respectfully pass away. minho was given more lines this comeback thank fUCK i could rmb my irl being vocal abt her frustration. i don't get why minho barely has center time/lines in title tracks??? like the line distribution in the past eras just made me ???? if seventeen can balance lines with 13 members why cant a group of 8 do the same? moving on. i haven't watched the stray kids show simply bc i don't want to cry HAJS but i've seen clips. imagine if skz debuted without minho and felix?!?!? i rmb another irl catching bias feels towards changbin bc of the masked singer only to find out that the man's a rapper. i love how skz's vocals were highlighted this comeback :c there were a lot of mellow tracks! i find it cute when chan sings/raps bc it gets kinda obvious that he's a foreigner? the accent (im not even sure if it's the accent) it just shows. "putting off skz stuff bc of not having time to cry IS the kpop stan life summarised." CORRECT.

abt the twisted au o.O i'll inquire my irl if she wants to write it or not. if she doesn't want to, i'll do it. i miss writing twisted aus <3___<3 and i also miss going to the beach with my friends :' ) but it's starting to get cold here and i don't think i'll be able to enjoy the beach as much as i would if i went beaching in the summer. so maybe next summer? gone away really has an sm-ballad vibe. the thing about skz being a self-producing group, their songs don't sound like typical jype songs? and i just appreciate that bc in all honesty im not a fan of jyp groups at all. PLS the overthinking. i wish i could mute overthinking.

anyone who assumes kpop is just one genre obv hasn't listened to a single track. if kpop was just one genre why do i like some tracks more than the others??? oh you've only recently become a kpop stan? tbh im not a fan of the bright songs of bts either. i liked their older ones *chefs kiss* really matched high school vibes. yg has good artists and they're just wasting the talent ~.~ that strategy they have will get tiring eventually. people will stop waiting on blackpink and move on to newer more active groups ://

HAHAHAH yeah the 23 members is pretty overwhelming! it was the reason i didn't bother stanning before quarantine started. i don't regret stanning tho, met my ult bias in that group <3___<3 i don't really purchase albums unless i like the tracks xd ohhh getting into ateez just in time for the comeback! let me know what you think about them! i was fond of them at some point but grew out of it. good luck with memorizing enhypen! it took me a while to distinguish to people there XD i haven't checked out kard yet but chan plays their songs during lives and they're sexc hype music me likey *u*

i had to look up rsv im sorry. i'm glad you're recovering! please rest more and don't stress yourself out. bro i wish i could go to therapy too bc i have weird issues i can't justify and i need a professional to tell me what's the reason behind it. stuck with what condition btw? what happened? i'm sorry in case i just forgot. yesterday was a bit rainy for me too :(( it's not the type of rainy that makes me anxious so B) oh concert! good luck and i hope you'll be able to sing but i also don't think it's best for you rn :c what's your dog's breed? and yes i just finished drinking tea too. AAAAA i miss school dances :(( the last one i was supposed to have was cancelled bc of covid.

i was less productive today and i'm teetering between being mentally stable and becoming a hermit again. i'm anxious with a lot of things atm so like : D not the best state. today it was a bit sunny but not hot hot which was nice. i changed my theme today bc i couldn't wait for sept. 1st. and no i haven't found anything that makes me happy HAHAHA shit like that's hard to identify. don't have anything to say too, i'm just thinking about why i'm procrastinating too much atm T_T and i'm listening to this rap song atm and one of the rappers sounded like han.

it isn't annoying! i enjoy the long exchanges but i do admit it takes me awhile to type down a reply. so if i get more busy, it'll prolly take a bit longer for me to reply.

[chickenshashlek]

fair + marbles cry time

okay so this started as a random(ish) concept, literally because of one line and became a whole thing and i have regrets because it made me cry a lot but also no because im a sucker for Connections and this was all gorgeous really

so my theory is that fair and marbles are about the same couple (and their journey can be followed through quite a few songs i feel but rn focusing on these) and that one half of the couple is slowly losing their memory. initially i was convinced that joeys character was the one losing his memory but because of discord *glare* i now think it might be madeleines though it could still go either way for sure.

so in fair, 

“Cos outwardly he says I try so hard to make you laugh at me/ And she, she does, she laughs as though she´s not heard the joke ten thousand times before” and this could take it either way now, she could be laughing because shes losing her memory and so to her it is like shes hearing it for the first time, or she laughs because he doesnt remember telling the joke before so... yeah.

“And he, he curses at the world for leaving him behind and he’s falling out of touch” which, if you’ve heard marbles its a big oof i dont think i really need to explain this one- and this is what made me think it was joey who was the one losing his memory, and consequently what started this whole thing

“Burying her head into his chest and clinging to the moment, ‘where have you been?’/ She’ll whisper ‘I’ve waited oh so long for you to come’” so like here again in the case of joey losing his memory ‘where have you been’ ‘ive waited oh so long for you to come’ as though shes been waiting for him to remember her again and ouch ‘clinging to the moment’ as though she doesnt know how long its going to last. but again all this could be flipped too with mads being the one whos losing her memories and this is one of her moments of full remembrance

bonus fair moments (ie i think these link too but too tired to properly explain them)

“he watches her get dressed as though she’s hurtling through time”

“I’ll spend my days so close to you cos if I’m standing here maybe everyone will think I’m alright”

“I’ve seen enough he says I know exactly what I want And it’s this life that we’ve created, inundated with the fated thought of you And if you asked me to, if you asked me I would lose it all Like petals in a storm” another one which furthers the mads losing her memory theory for me but again it could go either way and yea

marbles time 

“You were in a band - still am - yeah but back then you had hair and your smile was so sublime” again this could be mads losing her memory but also the ‘back then you had hair’ reminds me of the bit in fair which is ‘she brushes her hand through his hair, hes got so much fucking hair’ and that just made me soft

“You used to buy me scotch - still do - yeah but now too much is never enough” mads why you drinkin so much :(( but also entirety of verse 1 is basically joey reminding mads of stuff too which ouch

“You stole the best years of my life I’ll give them back“ this made me think of how maybe best years ie when she wasnt losing her memory? idek man im v upset rn

“And I'd sink to the floor, what’s the point anymore And you, you’d reply with a glint in your eye (And you, you’d reply with a drink in your hand) Saying ‘I don’t know, but I’m here, I’m all yours, dear heart don’t cry’ (Saying ‘I don’t know, but I’m here, oh dear god, dear heart don’t cry’)” this entire thing was Big Emotion because okay first off, madeleine sings ‘i dont know, but im here, im all yours, dear heart dont cry’ while joey sang ‘i dont know, but im here, oh dear god, dear heart dont cry’ which made me think if joeys the one losing memory then its like. he doesnt entirely remember her but does know enough to realise how important she is to him BUT ON THE FLIP theres also ofc her trying to comfort him ‘im all yours’ and his is a ‘oh dear god’ like a plea y’know? anyway moving on

“The minute I met you the colours of my life begun to pour I’m scared of the dark” needed to include the first bit because its gorgeous but just focusing on the ‘im scared of the dark’ it could just be her being scared of him forgetting her again but it makes more sense if shes the one losing memories. im scared of the dark of the blank spaces, all thats forgotten, i really dont need to elaborate

“And now, even though you’re mad and these memories won’t stay, it’s okay

Cos now I get to meet you for the first time every single day” again you can see this go either way but joey sings this bit. ‘youre mad and these memories wont stay’ could go either way tbh ‘now i get to meet you for the first time every single day’ again i dont have anything to add which isnt obvious i just needed to repeat the line because it makes me cry a lot

“I’ll wait and hope And rest my head at night content Knowing where my marbles went“ so this bit very clearly goes either way, ill wait and hope for when your memories come back and it connects to fair too with the ‘ive waited oh so long for you to come’ but yeah

Extra Thoughts

so at the end of marbles theres humming in tune to fair (i didnt notice this, thanks @ discord) and mads’ is way stronger(?) than joeys and the whole ‘mindless humming’ thing is part of dementia etc which furthers the ‘mads is the one losing her memories’ but again its both of them humming

another disord point out could be with the madeleine drinking a lot to cope with her losing her memory (obv could also be to cope w joey losing his but yeah)

last lil bit, this turned out way longer than expected and i was going to connect the horror and the wild and battle cries to these songs as well (the dear heart thing) but now im not sure and @flootzavut pointed out how rockrose and the thistle can even tie in to this whole thing so who knows i might come back to this and cry about that later too