#i dont remember why i started telling this story

[hello-sweetheart]

Eddie and his False King- steddie ficlet

“Tell me something about you that Robin doesn’t know.”

They’re lying on the floor of Steve’s apartment staring up at the ceiling reeling from an over indulgence of Chinese take-out. Steve is chewing on the end of a wooden chopstick after trying to teach Eddie how to use them (and failing). Eddie can feel Steve turn to look at him and pretends to be invested in the fortune cookie he’s fidgeting with.

Truth is, Eddie loves Robin—of course he does, Eddie wouldn’t have Steve without Robin. His Steve. Bright, funny, carefree Steve. He’s heard from the group how Steve struggled before he found a friend in Robin. He never met the Steve before Robin, not officially, but he remembers the dark cloud that had followed him throughout his junior and senior year, followed him all the way across the stage at graduation.

And then one day, he stumbled across the guy once more looking softer in way he never had. A lack of ego that was replaced by something tender. Somber eyes alight once more, not with the cruelty of before, but a steady happiness.

“Why?”

Eddie shrugged, “I mean, there’s gotta be something.”

Eddie loves Robin, but sometimes… sometimes it’s hard to share Steve with her.

Each time Steve tells a story, confesses something buried deep, or shares a secret, he knows Robin heard it first.

Whenever he wonders where Steve is when he’s not with Eddie, he knows it’s with Robin.

When Steve gave him a spare key to his apartment, he knows Robin already had a copy.

Hell, Robin probably knows all about their sex life. It’s easy to imagine Steve, naive and new to men, red in the face stumbling through his story of their first time together. Robin at his side reassuring him and easing his insecurities, even though Eddie already had.

Her words probably soothed him easier than Eddie’s ever could.

It’s not that Robin has ever invaded their time together, not unless it was an emergency, but still. Eddie is selfish. And.

Eddie is jealous of how close they are, he’ll admit it. He just wants a part of Steve that he doesn’t have to share with Robin.

“There’s one thing, but..”

“But?”

“You can’t make fun of me for it.” Eddie’s lip curled. “Promise!”

“Alright, alright.” He turned to his side to properly give him his attention. Steve’s eyes were sleepy from their large meal, impending food coma underway.

Eddie loves him so much it hurt.

“You know how people called me King Steve in high school?”

“Yeah…”

“And you know how it was Tommy that started it?”

“Sure.”

“Well, Tommy only ever called me that because when we were kids and our parents would take us out to eat, each time it was my turn to chose where, I’d always pick Burger King.” He admitted this with a sheepish grin.

“King Steve?” Eddie repeated in disbelief. The nickname now held a different weight on his tongue.

Steve groaned, “Yeah, King Steve. It was Tommy’s nickname for me. I was like 6 and obsessed with the chicken fingers. I’d wear the paper crown and everything—cried if they forgot the crown. Well, sometime around freshman year I had scored a winning basket and Tommy started shouting “King Steve! King Steve!” Before I knew it, others started shouting it back. It caught on and never really went away.”

“Wow…”

“Mm, I doubt it ever would have stuck if they knew why Tommy called me that in the first place. That’s why after, well, after, I know that it hurt him so much when I left. Cuz he would look at me and call me King Steve, not to mock the fact that fell on the food chain, but to mock how I ended 10 years of friendship over a girl.”

“But it wasn’t really over a girl.”

“Nah, he was just a shit person. Dont think he ever realized that. I hope he has. Besides, I like who I found after.”

“Robin?” Steve’s eyes soften but his gaze was focused and intense.

“Yeah, her too.” Oh.

“Come on, sweetheart. We’ll clean up tomorrow, but I for one, would like to nap on the bed instead of your carpet. God knows when the last time this was properly cleaned.” Steve squawked.

“I clean this carpet weekly! Properly!”

He really does. Eddie knows this. Steve is his own brand of freak with how neat and tidy he keeps things.

Eddie falls asleep with his nose buried in Steve’s neck, belly full love and grease. In his mind there now exists a new image, one of Steve tiny and slightly chubby with baby fat, legs swinging in brightly colored booth as he chews happily on a chicken nugget, fingers sticky with ketchup. And a paper crown skewed on a bed of chestnut hair.

[joces-wrld]

⋆✴︎˚｡⋆ tiktok trends

𝜗𝜚 blurb !

IN WHICH— ballerina! reader loves to do tiktok trends

| some swearing but i think thats it

01: we listen and we dont judge

matt’s phone was set up, capturing the happy couple sitting in front of matt’s gaming setup, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, face sat on her shoulders

“okay, i know this isn’t matt’s usual 1 month lip sync video, but i’ve been dying to do this,” she looks at matt through the phone screen, a small smile plastered on his face. “we listen and we dont judge,” they both say, matt allowing the girl to go first. “okay so,’ she begins, sighing dramatically. “sometimes, after we eat diner and i say im so full, when you come upstairs to play fortnite, i grab a bowl of ice cream and down it”

matt laughs, “thats why you always taste like strawberry afterwards,” you smack his arm playfully, “i always assumed it was your lip balm” he giggles out, leaving a small kiss on your shoulder

"we listen and we don’t judge”

“so, sometimes when you’re telling me about something you saw, or did, or just any story really, i secretly set a timer on my phone to see how long it takes you to finish telling me that story. “matt!” you excaim, hitting his knee, “your record is like 11 minutes” he laughs out, watching as you join him. “thats your minimum record sweetie, that’s the bar i’ve set to get out of the conversation”

“we listen and we dont judge”

“on the rare occasion that a wake up early, and like before you, i just admire you. i even take pictures of you, i have like a whole album of you sleeping, i feel like i have over 200” matt’s jaw drops, “you watch me sleep?!” “hey, hey! we listen and,” ‘we dont judge… okay well sometimes when i say the bluetooth in my car has been acting up it’s really because i don’t wanna hear your music” ‘babe!” you pout, “ i have excellent music taste!!” ‘’i never said you didn’t, sometimes im just not in the mood for taylor swift, “okay… valid”

“we listen and we don’t judge”

“okay this might be a little weird, but when we first started dating, i thought your teeth were the most attractive part of you…” matt side eyes the girl in front of him, “what?” "yeah! honestly it wasn’t even when we started dating, when i first became a fan of the sturniolo triplets, i thought your teeth were just the hottest thing in the world,’ “is that why you always lick them—” ‘hey! we listen,” ‘and we don’t judge. i check your makeup products every 2 weeks to see how you’re doing on them, and if something is below halfway through, i immediately order a replacement” “wait stop, thats so cute” “that’s why i always manage to ‘guess’ what you need in those little baskets i give you” ‘i love you” you mumble, rubbing your hand on his

“last one?” he asks, bringing your hand up to his mouth, giving it a small peck. “mhm, we listen and we don’t judge. anytime i cook, i never let your serve our plates because i know you’ll give me more food than i’m allowed to eat” matt looks at you through the phone, facial expression a little saddened, “whattt, you know i have a strict diet”

“yeah...but you know i’d still love you if you were a little chunkier…right?" the boy mumbles, rubbing your stomach. “yeah i know, i wouldn’t mind it i suppose, but you know i can’t be due to the roles i get”

“we listen and we don’t judge”

“whenever we have anything in a jar, i always make sure to tighten them as much as i can so you’ll always come ask me for help” matt laughs out, watching as disbelief crawls onto your face. “matthew!” ‘hey we aren’t judging!!” ‘wait i have one more! remember that time we watched a scary movie and you couldn’t spend the night?” ‘yeah?” "after you left, i grabbed the biggest kitchen knife i have and slept with it” matt’s jaw drops, “i was scared!” you giggle, “sweetie that’s so dangerous, you could’ve came with me y'know"

02: calling my boyfriend my husband

your phone was propped up on your vanity, capturing your whole room along with your connected bathroom's door

"hey guys!! come get dressed with me to go on a movie date with my husband!" you exclaim, clasping your hands together

"you said what?" matt's head pokes out from the bathroom, a big smile plastered on his face. "hm?" you ask, tone littered with fake confusion

"who're you going on a date with?" "my husband?" "who?! me!?" he asks, practically bouncing with joy. "yeah! who else?" "so you wanna marry me??" "of course i do!" you laugh out, squealing as the giddy boy runs up to you

he picks you up and spins around, laughing with excitement, "yall heard that?! we're getting married!"

03: trying on my boyfriends clothes while he isnt home

"hellur tiktok, im currently in my boyfriend's closet tryna piece outfits together. where's matt some may ask? great question, think they went to get food"

you stop the clip, grabbing your first outfit; a simple green fresh love shirt with baggy jeans and his red dunks. you're quick to put everything on, pressing the red button on your screen once again

"chris seriously needs to make crop tops" you mumble, grabbing the shirt so it'd fit your figure and tying it with a hair tie. "lowkey, this isnt bad! yes the shoes are huge on me, and i look like im sagging, but nothing a belt cant fix!" you say, walking back to the closet while holding your pants up.

"see!" you say, securing the belt on and giving a 360 spin. "i'd definitely wear this somewhere, maybe a concert? on to the next fit!"

the next clip in your tiktok captures you in the center of the screen, shaking your head no. "i tried to make this work, but this is just a no" you were wearing a classic white tank top and grey sweats and they just didnt make you look good, at least in your eyes

you stop the clip and look at your next option, his infamous pink bear shirt and his blue plaid pajama pants. you actually liked this one, it fit big on you, but it made you feel comfy

"i like this one! next time i spend the night here, imma wear this. yeah its a bit big..." you stretch your hands out, the shirt still covering your belly, "but it's comfy! oh my god, after a long day of rehearsal, when all i wanna do is sleep afterwards?? yeah this is the fit!" you give the camera another 360 spin, arms still extended

you suddenly stop, your face immediately turns a slight shade of red. "baby? what're you doing?" the camera picks up, watching as you put your arms down. "uhhh what does it look like?" you nervously ask, you weren't expecting matt to be home so early, and you especially weren't expecting him to see you like this

"looks like you were trying on my clothes," he licks his lips, a mischievous smile making its way onto his face. "you look good, like really good" he mumbles, entering the room and walking towards you. "matthew be for real," you playfully roll your eyes at him. "oh i am", he swiftly picks you up, kissing you deeply. you instinctively wrap your legs around him, arms going to wrap around his neck as well

"recording. stop it" you mumble, waving to your phone. matt quickly reconnects your lips, walking towards your phone and smacking it down. the last thing it caught before the timer ran out was your squeal as matt threw you onto the bed

a/n: sum light heh, check out my masterlist for more 😛

[solarpunkani]

Homies I was rereading my solarpunk zombie apocalypse story to see if I’d want to try continuing it for reaping week and

Homies I kinda cooked

Maybe I’ll do a writing stream Monday

[ourladyoftheflytrap]

People will come online fuming with hate and anger about Anything and expect everybody to instantly understand and validate them instead of being concerned about.... the genuine hate and anger. You know that behavior wouldn't fly in front of IRL strangers

[hauntingblue]

I was so excited to read one piece and then I saw I was in the body paraite mushrooms chapter. Here we fucking go. Boa hancock will hold my hand through all of this

I'm so sorry luffy but this is so funny... in the anime he was in like a bubble but here he is just flying raw through the open air

He's so excited to see his friends again 😭😭

ENOUGH!!!!!

This isn't funny to me luffy..... not wanting to remember your grandpa leaving you and then sabo dying.... and now your crew is gone too.... christ....

I'm really loving the fan made banners so far akdhaisnks

LUFFY YOU SHOULD BE THANKFUL sanji wouldn't complain about anything a woman does for him

This never gets old I have seen this a hundred times

Love this panel in particular... very robin I alabasta

Thus I so funny akdjakdjkss now that I screamed really loud you want to talk 😃 great!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 what can I say.... after going through sabaody... he Knows...

Really loving these panels for some reason.... idk look at him....

Really curious about what happened here.... what did she do....

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

Sorry luffy ace looks so good here....

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH

This is so good.... not only is luffy going to get to impel down but hancock is going to keep her warlord title to protect her island bc of him aldjaksnls everything went according to grandma nyon's plan...

SANJI WAS RIGHT!! AKDJAKSJAKAK

The empresses died of repressed feelings.... can you believe how healing it is for hancock to know luffy... her opening up after being closed off for years....

He should have been hiding inside Salome.... you know... stretched....

AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH AAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

GAAAAAAAAAAAAARP!!!! WHEN I GET YOU GAAARP!!!!

NAMI NOOOOOOOOO LOOK AT HER :(

I got to see ace again... but at what cost.....

The drama...... look at the shading

That's real comedy 🚬🚬

Ace asking for garp to kill him so whitebeard and the rest are safe..... should we end it all.... "we've angered the king of the sea" KILL YOURSELF!!!!!! this is so strange!!! is he rooting for whitebeard?? does he want ace to lose another father?? what is going on inside that thick fucking head of his

[halfdeadwallfly]

why am i so afraid of polo+khakis men

[fairiily]

|| why you keep waking up in your cr

i saw a girl make a tiktok about this and i thought it was a really interesting idea so i wanted to share it with you!

i think we can all agree that one of the biggest ideas on shiftblr is that all you need is intention

but i also think a lot of people can agree with me when i say: “if intention is all you need, why do i keep waking up in my cr?”

ill relate it to lucid dreaming.

most people who want to lucid dream use reality checks as a method to do so

you reality check throughout the day so your subconscious remembers while youre dreaming

maybe it doesnt work the first night you go to sleep, but you keep reality checking as part of your routine until your subconscious remembers too.

another girl related it to birth control

she used to have an alarm set everyday for 1pm to take the pill

eventually, she didnt need the alarm anymore, because her subconscious remembered that around that time of day, she needed to take her birth control pill

its the exact same way with shifting

you set intention to shift before you go to sleep, and you wake up in your cr again

“but i set intention! why am i still here?”

you begin to doubt yourself, in your abilities to shift, that maybe intention doesn’t actually work.

but it does.

sometimes it just takes a little longer for your subconscious to remember the intention you set, for the intention to stick.

many people’s shifting success stories happen when they go to sleep like any other night

they don’t intentionally do a method or set the intention of shifting, but they wake up in their dr.

how does that work?

after going to sleep and setting your intention night after night after night, your subconscious starts to do it on its own.

like reality checking during dreams, or setting an alarm to take a pill

your subconscious doesn’t have eyes, it is something that has to be trained, all it knows is what you tell it.

not everything can be mastered on the first try, you just have to keep trying.

moral of the story is:

intention is real. and its important. dont give up on yourself. keep setting intention. keep going to sleep knowing you will wake up in your dr.

one day you will.

i hope this helped or resonated with some of you, because when i heard about this idea, it gave me a lot of hope that im not doing anything wrong, my subconscious is just taking a little while to catch up.

happy shifting!

[eicsferrari]

never met - op81 smau

summary: people start making up rumors about oscar and yn. problem is they never actually met

face claim: random girls from pinterest

a/n: this is chaos but it was fun to write hope you like it

masterlist

જ ♡ જ

gossipf1 singer yn and oscar piastri are reported to be dating according to inside sources

view all comments

user5 please let this be true

lando rue, when did this happen?

user14 helppp what is lando doing here

user3 my two worlds colliding

user7 she's not good enough for him

user8 ?? he's not good enough for her

yn inside sources who??? i never saw this man in my life😭😭

user10 he's a formula 1 driver

yn oh i only know lewis hamilton aka the goat aka the loml

user10 fair

yn he looks cute tho👀

sabrinacarpenter no yn!

yn 😊😊

જ ♡ જ

yn posted a story

caption: this is the man yall think i pulled? Damn thank u

replies

↪sabrinacarpenter you are insane😭

↪lando +61 12345678 text him

જ ♡ જ

yn jazzy nights are my favorite

♡liked by sabrinacarpenter, oscarpiastri and others

view all comments

user6 best night of my life

sabrinacarpenter i'm in love with you😍

yn me when i see you

user1 oscar liked...

user4 don't start

user1 i just stated a fact

user9 obsessed with your voice, i want you to sing me to sleep every night

જ ♡ જ

gossipf1 yn and oscar spotted hanging out after her concert

view all comments

user8 i fear this couple would be too iconic

user4 just... no

user5 i dont know this man my ass

yn in my defense i really haven't met him then!

lando it's true i can confirm

lando i can also confirm yn was oscar's most listened artist last year

oscarpiastri why are you here?

lando gossip is my bat signal

જ ♡ જ

yn trip made it out of the groupchat

view all comments

lando groupchat and it's only two people

yn get off my comments

lando i got you his number and this is how you repay me?

user9 lando tell us who it is🙏🏼

user3 if lando set them up it has to be oscar

user7 i'm in love with her aesthetic

user5 white shirt=oscar

user14 stop we don't know

sabrinacarpenter did my invite get lost in the mail?🤨

yn babe i'm sorry he means nothing you are the love of my life

જ ♡ જ

oscarpiastri posted a story

caption good company yn

replies

↪user4 gossipf1 ended up setting you two up huh

↪sabrinacarpenter i remember when i was the one taking her pictures...💔

જ ♡ જ

yn sorry osc i go where lewis goes🏎️

view all comments

oscarpiastri 😐

user4 osc🥺🥺

scuderiaferrari everyone is a ferrari fan ♡liked by author

francocolapinto hamilton fan first, a girlfriend second. i respect that

user5 did he just confirm that they are girlfriend and boyfriend?

mclaren 💔

yn sorry😔

charles_leclerc i approve son oscarpiastri

yn forza ferrari!

user26 we lost her to a sports guy...

જ ♡ જ

oscarpiastri posted a story

caption prettiest girl is in fact my girlfriend

replies

↪yn giggling blushing throwing up kicking my feet🥺🫶🏼

જ ♡ જ

yn posted a story

caption he's still mad i did not wear orange

replies

↪lando it's papaya not orange😡

yn same fucking thing

lando it's not !!

yn ok but the word papaya is so ugly

lando YOU TAKE THAT BACK

જ ♡ જ

yn the rumors are now true, i'm his favorite artist and he's my (second) favorite driver

view all comments

user18 she's gorgeous😍 he's just there😐

francocolapinto yes yes you might kiss but did he ever say he wanted to learn your language just to understand your jokes? i don't think so

yn call me when you are his top artist on spotify loser

user12 don't mind me i'm just patiently waiting for the love songs this will inspire

oscarpiastri you are never going to let me live this down, right?

yn you are stuck with me and my bad jokes sorry bro

sabrinacarpenter just remember she was mine first papaya boy

oscarpiastri noted🫡

જ ♡ જ

oscarpiastri she finally wore papaya

view all comments

user2 she's so hot🥵

yn not that word again😭

lando i will block you if you keep hating on the papaya

yn do it i dare you

yn i look so good tho

oscarpiastri you always look amazing

yn i love me a boy who can sweet talk

lando god stop being cheesy on main🤢

yn weren't you going to block me??

lando i should have

yn just do it you coward

user23 yes yn put the car guy in his place!

lando why are you supporting her when your page is dedicated to me??? are you a fan or a hater?

user23 i'm your biggest fan! but i support women's rights and women's wrongs so i'm with yn

yn HA even your fans like me better😛

lando you stole my teammate and now my fans what else do you want from me😭😭

જ ♡ જ

lando posted a story

caption disgusting

replies

↪yn disgustingly cute yes

lando whatever helps you sleep at night

જ ♡ જ

oscarpiastri posted a story

caption dont let their online banter fool you, they are friends

replies

↪yn babe don't expose us like that😔

જ ♡ જ

oscarpiastri 🧡

view all comments

yn DELETE what if lewis sees this?

user21 she's so real

lewishamilton i feel betrayed

yn nooo💔😔 you will always be n1 in my heart

oscarpiastri 😐

yn deal with it

yn i am so incredibly proud of you and i love supporting you🥺🧡

oscarpiastri thank you for being here<3

જ ♡ જ

yn posted a story

caption i'm going to tell my kids this is their dad

જ ♡ જ

yn posted a story

caption just kidding, i love you oscar

replies

↪ oscarpiastri i love you more❤️

[celibibratty]

bullying is such a fuck up type of phsychological abuse(i hate that people don't take it seriously to call it an abuse but it is a type of abuse), you don't know what to do, is helpless, when we were kids, everybody used to say(mostly our mother) "just ignore them, they will eventually stop, they will lose interest if you show no reaction", but don't do anything/show no reaction also makes things worse(i hated it, it never helped), it only proves how much of a victim you are, it shows that it won't have any consequences, they can do anything with you whenever they want CUZ YOU ALWAYS WILL DO NOTHING, but if you do react things can go two ways round (or you intimidate them in a way that they will stop trying messing with you(very difficult) or will make worse cuz they will find entertaining), is a no escape situation, you feel stuck, theres nothing to do, every little move or word makes things worse(the advice that i hated the most and mom always used to suggest was "just play along with it, smile, find it funny too", i never bought it that bullshit, they werent my fucking Friends, i not gonna let myself/ourselves being a joke,what they do it/say it hurted me, i can't just pretend it doesnt upsets me)

[drchucktingle]

my masks

hey there buckaroos. due to all of the attention the TEXAS LIBRARY ASSOCIATION situation has gotten i am going to take a minute to talk about my personal way as an autistic buckaroo. im going to tell you about my masks.

im doing this for a few reasons, some are good FUN reasons full of love and some are not so great. 

lets start with the GOOD STUFF. first of all, i am talking about this because speaking on my way can help other buckaroo feel more comfortable speaking on there own way, ESPECIALLY if they are good at ‘passing’ for neurotypical like chuck is. 

unfortunately the NOT SO GREAT reasons im talking about all this dang stuff are two fold. reason one: i have been put into a position of having to explain and justify my needs and boundaries by the TXLA. this is not something that i WANT to be taking up all of my time, but when large organizations do not make space for those who they have pledged to support, it puts us smaller buckaroos into position where were have to defend our existence. it is not plesent but it is necessary.

the second NOT SO GREAT reason is that ‘passing’ bisexual and autistic people like myself are ALWAYS just seconds from being gatekept from folks both outside and inside these communities. there will probably be a day on chucks deathbed where i take off my mask and say hello to this timeline (mostly so you can all see how handsome i am under here but I DIGRESS). i KNOW with absolute certainty (the same way other bi and autistic buckaroos are probably nodding along right now) that when that day comes i will STILL be accused of ‘not being real’ and ‘faking’ because i ‘dont look autistic’ and i have a beautiful ladybuck partner in sweet barbara.

ALL THAT IS TO SAY, i am taking a moment today to talk FOR THE RECORD about my neurodigence and my particular needs. hopefully i will not have to keep diving this deep every time an organization takes a discrimantory action against me, but i will also say this: at least it is a good fight on an important battlefield

anyway buds, here is the story of my way on the spectrum

when i was a young buckaroo i knew that my thought process was different. i could socialize easily, which is unique in contrast to many autistic buds (it is a spectrum after all), but my social ease was for an interesting reason. I ALWAYS KNEW WHAT OTHERS WERE ABOUT TO SAY. it was like a strange ‘human game’ where someone would say one thing and i would think ‘well you actually mean something else’ in a sort of logical way (this is why i later related to DATA from star trek so dang much). at first i remember thinking ‘well i am just NOT going to play along with this human game’. i quickly learned neurotypical buckaroos do not like this, that there is a BOB AND WEAVE to social interactions that must be learned. 

later i realized ‘actually if i WANT to make friends and prove love is real then i can do this like an expert because i can SEE the game where most cant’. this got chuck many buds and took me on many adventures. please understand, i am not saying these connections are not important to me, they are just different. they are full of love, but i express this in my own unique way.

HOWEVER, while growing up i felt disconnected from this timeline in other ways, like an alien or a reverse twin trotting along in a world that is not quite my own. i did not feel emotions the same way my buds did. they would get upset over the ‘human game’ interactions and i would not be moved at all, HOWEVER i could see the way sunlight hit a window and start crying my dang eyes out over the beauty. so my emotion was still there and VERY STRONG, i just felt it in more existential ways (like hearing the call of the lonesome train). these days that feeling has progressed to where i am pretty much in a constant blissed out state of cosmic emotional connection (make of that last sentence what you will, but it is the truth). when i make existential posts online i am not just FIRING OFF SOME CONTENT, i really mean every word. this is really my trot.

anyway as a young buckaroo these feelings made me worry sometimes. i thought about various mental health dianosises and marked the parts and pieces that matched with myself. am i this? am i that? sometimes, instead of just being’ different’ i worried i might actually be ‘wrong’. 

when i saw david byrne on letterman in my younger days i immediately recognized something connected to myself. i thought ‘wow this is the mystery being solved before my very eyes.’ i could hear it in the music of talking heads too. i started doing research and realized that i might be on autism spectrum, something that was later confirmed by a therapist (back then the diagnosis was called asperger's). it was a glorious and fulfilling moment. i was SO EXCITED TO BE AUTISTIC LIKE MY HERO. i felt very cool because of it, and i still feel very cool because of it.

one of the big reasons i talk so much about being autistic these days is because i want to make sure OTHER buckaroos can have that same moment that i did. they can see chuck and think ‘wow i really like this autistic artist, maybe being autistic is cool’

so what does an average day WITHOUT wearing the pink bag look like for me?

my thought process is exactly like ROSE from CAMP DAMASCUS, which is part of why i wrote the book. we have the same stim (complex order of finger taps), we prepare for social interactions the same way, we analyze things in the same logical trot that neurotypical people might think feels ‘detached’ but for me feels natural (certain reviews of camp damascus are very funny to me in this way. you can tell when a reader is just very confused by existing in an autistic brain for 250 pages.)

from the outside you would not be able to tell that i am on the spectrum. in fact you would probably find me very socially adept. 

the problem is, all of that masking can take its toll. i spent years trotting in and out the emergency room, talking to confused doctors who could not figure out the chronic phantom tension and pain that radiated through my body. i eventually accepted the fact that i would either live a life constantly on heavy painkillers or just stop living altogether.

eventually, however, i started noticing a correlation between the way that i felt, and the space that i allowed for chuck and the pink mask. i was exercising that tension, allowing my mental mask of neurotypical existence to take a rest. i started practicing physical therapy and this time THE RESULTS STUCK because i was approaching from two sides, MIND AND BODY. after a while, i got my pain down to about 5 percent of what it once was. i still have flare ups in times of stress, but the healing has been very real and life changing.

lets get VERY specific now. if i attended the TXLA confrence without a mask and gave my talk i can tell you this: i would do a dang good job. i can work the heck out of a crowd and (not to reveal too much about my secret way) I HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO DO THIS ON OCCASION VERY WELL. however, going home from this event i would very likely be in pain. i would likely need to do physical therapy. i would likely need to stim for a while. i would NOT be emotionally fullfilled in the same way. in other words, without my pink mask i can charm the heck out of buckaroos, but THE SPACE OF CHUCK TINGLE IS NOT THE SPACE FOR THAT. the pink bag is a place for me to not have to put up with that tension. it is a place for me to unmask mentally by masking physically.

this pink bag space SAVED MY LIFE and i am not going to risk blurring these lines. if and when that ever happens it will be MY decision, not someone elses. that is my boundary. the part of me that neurotypically masks could handle a library conference in a purely technical sense, but the part of me that chuck represents absolutely cannot and should not be asked to do that without the pink bag. unfortunately, the complexity of this point makes it even MORE difficult for me to think about and takes up even more of my time, because it forces me to START QUESTIONING MYSELF and my own needs. to be honest, that is the most insidious part of other people questioning your identify and refusing to accept your accommodation needs without ‘proof’.

the thing is, while all of this discussion of disability and accessibility is important, i have a much larger point to make by writing these words.

a conference should not uninvite someone with an unusual physical presentation or a strange way of speaking REGARDLESS of it being classified as a disability. it does not matter WHY i look the way that i look and wear what i wear. i should not have to spend all day writing this post instead of writing my next book, just because my sensibilities are unique and my presentation is unusual. 

fortunately the solution is very simple: let other people be themselves. its not hurting you to simply accept and nod at the buckaroos you think look strange. let us exist

[bamsara]

what are your most favorite tropes? :3c

IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED:

Near death experiences

Emotional revelations due to said near death experiences

Enemies to Friends to Lovers

Mutual Pining but they believe its unrequieted

"you're my worst enemy but you're so important to me"

Drunk chapter where at least One fist fight happens

Bridal carry after someone gets injured

Slow Burn...of course

"i got you this gift because it benefits me and im not telling you how" (the benefit is seeing the other person enjoy the gift)

Force Alliances or Temporary Truces

"I don't like killing but I'll do it for you"

"I prefer to kill my problems but I won't, for you."

Or: "This person has no idea how many people I've killed in order to protect or provide for them and I'm going to keep it that way."

Mean or Villian Character is actaully a really good Sibling/Parent/Child,ect and has someone they care about

Or better, Villian character adopts child AND is a good parent

Everyone knows the pairing likes each other except for the pairing

Temporary (or non-temp)Amnesia

"I learn your favorite things because I plan to use them against you one day" (proceeds to not do that) (proceeds to get them food or items that persons likes just because they like them)

Breaking and Entering. Literally.

Person A is in love, Person B says they're not but they're 10x times worse actaully

Slip-of-the-tongue/Accidental confessions. Doesn't have to be love confessions but just "whoops i was not supposed to say that"

Biting as a love language

One is feral and bloodthirsty but is put in the position of 'protecting an idiot' because the other is also feral and has no self-preservation. Both characters must be badass, just equally stupid

Kiss on the head/cheek while the other person is sleeping

Bloodstained kiss

Heat-of-battle confession about something

Protagonist refusing to become villian or repeat villian mistakes, not in a 'owo i cant do that its bad' and more like 'fuck you you dont get to see what you wanted to make of me'

Signifier of 'this is my friend/family/lover'. Could anything between a ring, a jacket over someone's shoudlers or scent marking, anything

"if im immortal, then you gotta be too or we both dyin"

Knight x Their Charge

Human x Non-Human

Sunshine x Grump

Character that looks sooooo cute. Oh he's a little fucked up actaully

"ahhaha he's such a freak haha. i need him carnally."

They are mortal enemies. They are also best friends.

Hostage / Rescued trope plus Hostage / Doesn't get to rescue because the hostage killed everyone already

Plot info that's missing that's vital to the story and it's revealed that One of the pairing or someone in the group knew the info the entire time

"I said mean things to you because I hate you, so why am I feeling guilty now"

There was only One Bed

Really competent and scary character is really GOOD at a harmless and charming small hobby completely uncharacteristic to their public persona

Nightmares. And then sleeping in the same bed because of nightmares

Cultural differences / Language Barrier

Character gets so surprised flustered they trip over something or break something and it topples and it starts a chain reaction like a cartoon

There are more but these are some of which I can remember off the top of my head. I've written many of these myself in several of my stories and will continue to do so until the end of time, esp my faves

[coriphallus]

DA: The Veilguard Spoiler review pt2 - The Grime

this is a hard one to tackle without strawmaning anyone because itll be a direct response to alot of defense ive seen for the games morality system so ill just start by saying, iykyk

never a genre has been better equipped to discuss ethics than the interactive medium of games and yes, bioware games have been doing it since baldurs gate and no, theyve not always been 'centrist' and 'conservative'. im not even gonna entertain that idea. do you remember the cultural landscape DA:O released to? the landscape it was developed in? dont give me that just because zevran doesnt write in his little notes -that you can conveniently read- 'gay good. not me but me bisexual'

Thedas is a flawed world and its a world thats just as desperate to hang on to its status quo as our own. every time you play an elf thats thriving, or a human thats queer, or a mage thats not institutionalised you exist in a world that doesnt want you, it is an act of defiance that you do.

im sure we can all see why these games were so popular with the audience they can only weakly try to pander to today.

derailing time again; so one of my favourite paintings of all time is saturn devouring his son. it makes me feel so uncomfortable that it gave me nightmares as a child, and i still cant look at it without feeling this knot in my throat. i hate it. i hate how it makes me feel, how that man looks at me in terror like its begging me for help while cannibalising another. weird story but i was bewitched by that painting as a little kid.

it is not a well drawn painting, the proportions are all over the place, brush strokes crude and inelegant. it doesnt even have a deeper story nor was it intended for an audience. i will never know what goya thought of when drawing it.

i thought alot about that painting later in my life when i was struggling with mental health problems, i thought about goya alot too as an adult and after learning about his life. i stared at his paintings and remembered when i told my dad that i hated [saturns] big eyes and hed jokingly said "it would be scarier if he didnt have eyes"

i know what the drawing looks like now, nearly everyone with a little access to the internet does. if somebody removed saturn from it, we'd still be left with a brutalised headless carcass of a man in a canvas too big for itself. if we removed that too all we'd be left with would be void.

i dont want to live in a world where all i know of goya is his rococo work, i dont want to stare at the painting of a void knowing what filled it before. i hated every second of germinale but i never wanted it to be anything other than itself, the story it tells could never hold credence otherwise.

DAV has done its best to paint over it, but its still on the old canvas and i cant look away from the negative space its left, i know whats under it and it unsettles me, infuriates me. it hands me a palette with baby blues and pinks and tells me to paint over it to make a prettier painting. didnt i hate the eyes? wasnt it gross before?

i am not going to write why we need some grime in art, but its absence is disheartening. and to those who say hanged people in the streets or blighted villagers is dark and mature ill say no. its a kids idea of maturity, its the aesthetic of it with no substance. it means nothing to me if rook can just drench themselves in gallons of blight as they crawl through it. the horror of blight has never been the black goo and slimy tentacles, or the monster woman with way too many tits. it is watching people you love slowly fade away, it is a woman who was forced to cannibalise the contaminated flesh of her friends because the woman she loved betrayed her, it was the sheer scale and inevitability of it.

one area we go to is overrun by it and the game begs me to feel hopeful that flowers are growing again when it never let me lose hope. people have already prevailed, they have roofs over their heads and a steady supply of food on their tables. their spirit is unwavering.

its bad, everybody says. the sky is grey and soil is blackened, as my rook turns some statues to access a haunted house whos inhabitants are long gone and the only story they could ever tell is gone with them.

if the question is do i want to see famine? plague? misery? abuse? assault? the answer is yes. yes. i want to see it all of the filth. i rather face the fucking monster head on with its big bulging eyes and misshapen limbs than stare at the abyss its absence leaves on the canvas.

and if nothing else, this bastardization is disrespectful to the people who gave the IP its fame.

Why choose to be good?

back in the bsn days ive wondered why, even in a fictional universe where your choices have no real-life repercussions what-so-ever, players had more 'good' playthroughts than 'bad'?

what happens when you start killing NPCs, when youre needlessly mean to them? the game actively closes off its own content. you get less out of the game. just as, completely incidentally, you'd get less out of your life if you just started killing everyone around you. The world would be emptier, youd be alone.

in that quote i stole from good place chidi doesnt ask "why be good?" the wording is painfully deliberate. doing good is always a choice, and often not the easy one. what makes the act matter is that you chose to do it, even when given 6 other options not to. did i stop in the middle of an important quest to help a man retrieve an heirloom from a darkspawn infested hut? did i hear what that heirloom meant to him?

i cant stop thinking about that speech ever since playing this game after knowing its predecessors.

So, why do it then? Why choose to be good, every day, if there is no guaranteed reward we can count on, now or in the afterlife? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.

i cant stop looking at this game that spits on its own legacy and think how could they have missed what fundamentally makes us human so bad, what makes us relate and empathise with eachother. what makes us pick the option to interact with an npc who openly hates what hawke is, and allow us to see the traumatised man underneath.

these characters of fiction are written by real people. i have absolutely nothing in common with a guy from canada yet for a brief moment in time i feel a sense of camaraderie as ive felt with goya that i couldnt articulate as a kid.

Nothing too terrible

DAV says it over and over again -as its wont to do with every piece of its flimsy morality- that people can change, people can be redeemed yet it shines as the game with most static characters in its franchise. it simply says things, and since it has nothing to show for it it makes sure to say it repeatedly, in case you missed it.

so when i first played DAO i was in high school, i started with a human noble because fresh out of dark side edgy kotor fame i wanted to be a posh brat. also because, ya kno, we were poor my entire life up until that point and i wanted to have power.

i committed to it, even as the game stripped cousland of everything he had, because i thought a man like him would. i picked the racist options, the sexist options, the options a man in couslands place would. halfway point of the game as i exhausted the initial dialogues something happened; this man who got paid to kill people, who showed no remorse nor care for his victims, begged my cousland to stil his blade.

and i did. i thought maybe he would be as confused as i was, maybe he had a moment of clarity but from thereon bit by bit he was less of an asshole. the characters grew around me, and my character grew around them. i chose to be good because -textually- we were in this together, at the end of all things.

rook is not a character, theyre a mascot. and quite frankly i think they may be a very evangelical mascot because they remind me of evangelical preachings of jesus more than the man from the bible (and i say this as someone whos only exposure to christianity has been through foreign media and the bible ive read that one time). they are the epitome of do no evil and their existence hinges on the frail concept of moral purity. theyre not a person trying to do good, who wants to be good, they are 'good'

-and lemme tell you its a wild choice to have someone like that locked in a prison of 'regret'-

rook can be mean to only one person in the game, and thats someone they dont even have a personal beef with for the most part. but even then they would be shouting at a wall because the game doesnt only undermine them with its narrative, but also every npc in the game suddenly gets possessed by the ghost of wattpad rejects past for a moment to tell them everyone can be redeemed. and i believe it because i played the other games, i believe it because i know zevran and sten and morrigan, isabela and thom and iron bull and dorian. i know it because i can see the vague shapes behind the new coat of paint but i am not rook.

so no, the game fails to get people-can-change points by its own merit, and it cannot gain points from its prequels because it destroyed them. none of those characters i watched grow exist in this universe. zevran cant exist with DAV crows, fenris` story cant exist in an imperium with invisible slaves only glimpsed through empty cages and broken chains left scattered on the ground. i dont know which morrigan this NPC is, is it the woman who grew to learn kindness, who begged to sleep with her friend just to save them despite knowing it would play into the plans of a destiny she so desperately tried to break free from? or is she the clever puppet her mother groomed her to be who wanted to harness the power of a god? i dont know her, i dont know this dorian or this isabela beyond their names ipso facto this is not a sequel.

bellara asks an assassin why he is trying to save the world and his answer is "ive done some things in the past im not too proud of. nothing too terrible, but some of it was bad." and i can hear the games desperation for me to not engage with its material in that 'nothing too terrible'

lucanis never killed anyone innocent, taash never harmed an animal they could shoo of or reason with, emmrich venerates the dead and is friends with every wisp he pulls to use in menial labour, davrin joined the wardens willingly because he wanted to do good...

rook tells harding that her anger is justified when shes not even allowed anger of her own.

nothing too terrible.

aside from creating boring and nonsensical and static characters it creates a dreadful echochamber that we're forced to sustain. No taash is not valid, their gender is but their behaviour is not and for the character to grow and mature it needs to be addressed. lucanis doesnt need to be pampered in shock blankets he needs to see how repressing his problems and jeopardising his health puts people around him in danger etc etc. they are adults and they need to learn more complex ways of healing. and if rooks flaw is that theyre an enabler, then that needs to be acknowledged by the narrative in some way too, and not mindlessly endorsed because they say some buzzwords.

none of these interpersonal relationships feels real because none of these people feel real beyond some draft of themes and tropes. some interactions literally remind me of two bots in facebook comments

i look at this dialogue wheel with familiar symbols and all im reminded of is hawke telling carver he carries every death with him, of him telling his uncle that he wasnt fast enough, of him begging the person he loves to tell him that his mothers death wasnt his fault.

and they dont. they just sit there with him.

[yesimwriting]

Armand: you are cheating

Louis: HOW ? WE DONT HAVE SEX I TOLD YOU

Armand: YOU SLEEP IN THE SAME BED, HAVE EACHOTHER AS EMERGENCY CONTACTS, YOU PRATICALY MANHANDLE HER AND YOU DRUNK KISSES AT THAT PARTY-

Louis:IT WAS JUST A PECK AND IT WAS ONE TIME

i love how messy this is, i am going to make it messier <3

----

Even now, everything remains fully focused on you.

Louis's sitting near the edge of the bed you're passed out in, his own inebriation apparent in the way that he tugs at the comforter. Armand supposes that Louis, in his own way, is trying to tuck you in and failing miserably. Armand might have thought to pity you if your positioning mattered. You've already given into unconsciousness, your thoughts too open and empty for you to be awake.

Armand straightens, his shoulder pulling itself away from the guest room's door frame. Louis grins, turning his head as he tries to look at Armand without moving from his spot on the bed, "Hi."

The coolness of Armand's demeanor isn't enough to impact Louis's easy mood. "Did we wake you? I told her to be--be quiet, but she remembered we had cereal, and for whatever reason--that was really exciting." The story is delivered through laughter.

Armand doesn't ease. "Something woke me." When all Louis does is blink at him, Armand continues, "I have allowed this friendship--this girl--into our home, into our lives, because you swore that it was platonic."

Louis's eyebrows draw together, his head tilting as the accusation settles. "It is." The defense is much flatter than it would be if he was sober.

"Really? With the way that you're always holding onto her when you're out drinking--"

"She goes out in heels." Another argument that lacks the urging structure a more sober version of Louis would have tried to emphasis. "I hold onto her because what am I supposed to do if she trips and--and scrapes a knee?" This is the closest he's come to making a genuine point. "And you've seen how she gets--always trying to run off without a single thought or warning."

Armand steps further into the room. "Really? Is that why you kissed her? Because you were worried she was going to run away?"

Louis's entire expression morphs into one of total confusion. "What?" His uncertainty is so sharp, so all consuming, he doesn't even think to defend you, to try to redirect all thoughts of potential jealousy away from you the way he usually does. "I did not kiss her--"

"Then why did I have to look into her thoughts to see the two of you at that party--"

Scoffing with a cavalierness that doesn't suit the accusation, Louis interrupts him, "Why are you looking into her thoughts at all?"

The question digs at Armand more than it should. He's quick to replace uncertainty with the anger he's entitled to. "That's all you have to say?"

"Yes, because it wasn't a kiss--it was--it was nothing. We laughed about it so hard people started looking at us."

Armand scoffs as he begins to pace across the room. "Well, as long as you say it was nothing, and as long as the two of you found some amusement in your betrayal!"

Louis frowns at the elevation of Armand's voice, his arm stretching towards you awkwardly as he tries to cover the ear you haven't pressed against a pillow with the palm of his hand. He's too out of it to do it properly, the side of his palm finding your temple instead of your ear, his fingertips touching your eyelid in a way that doesn't seem comfortable. You shift in your sleep slightly, eyebrows pulling together in discomfort.

"There was no betrayal!" The reaction is expected and still terribly boring. "If what you think happened actually happened, do you think I would have brought her back here?"

Armand stalls, his attention shifting onto you. Sleep has lulled you back into complicity, but something about your positioning still seems too rigid. Maybe if you were awake...if you were also telling him how out of context his interpretation of tonight's events were, it'd mean something more to him.

"I don't know," the response is harsh, poignant in its sarcasm. With no warning, Armand turns towards the bed. One of your arms is still above the comforter. He reaches for your wrist, the warmth of your skin nearly scalding as his fingers settle into place. "Maybe we should wake the darling thing and ask her."

Louis pulls his hand away from the side of your head in favor of grabbing Armand's arm. "Don't." His touch is firm, leaving no room for argument. "I love you, and if that's not enough for you to believe me, at least believe that she isn't the type of person to do what you're implying." Armand's deeply aware of your morality. You'd have very little interest in participating in infidelity. "You can be mad all you want, you can--you can take it out on me if you have to, but you don't touch her."

Armand's hold on you tightens. Louis can run off with you and do whatever he pleases, but when he so much as dares to touch your oh so delicate wrist, he's regarded as a monster. "You can kiss the beloved saint, but I so much as place a single hand on her wrist, and it's enough to ruin her?"

Louis narrows his eyes at the wording, his expression morphing into something much too pensive. Armand presses his lips together in an attempt at dismissing the unease burrowing itself beneath his skin.

Louis straightens slightly, something overwhelmingly knowing etching itself into his features. "Does she not regard you kindly enough?" The words are delivered with a sympathy so synthetic and mocking, Armand is briefly left incapable of reaction. "Is that what this is about?"

The heat of your skin, the weight of Louis's stare. Armand cannot escape it. He forces himself to release you, his fingers prying themselves away from you before he pulls his arm away from Louis. He steps back, distance returning his clarity.

"This is about loyalty!" The silence that follow only amplifies his lingering irritation. "I have no interest in her existence beyond your relationship with her!"

"Really?" The smugness in Louis's voice is intolerable, and Armand cannot give into his anger without unintentionally validating Louis's accusation. "So you don't care about what she thinks of you?"

"She is insignificant," he begins slowly, forcing himself to feel the weight of his words, "Her only relevance comes from you, and you alone." His gaze flits away from Louis and onto you. The realization that you've slept through this entire ordeal is more grating than it should be. "The nature of her love for you is extremely apparent in her thoughts." He allows his focus to shift towards the floor. "That is a fortunate thing."

Armand turns, moving towards the bedroom's door.

----

Daylight is just beginning to find its hold, the warmth of it tinging the sky an orangey pink. He doesn't have many hours left before he's forced to find his own darkness.

Louis has likely already found sleep, either in the bed you're resting in or his own. Though this solitude is one that invites unnecessary thought, there's a tranquility to the silence he can't bring himself to mind.

This sense of serenity is stolen from him by the sound of footsteps. Armand sighs. Of course you'd find him here, too.

You appear with little warning, drowsiness's weight heavy against your features as you look at him. "Hi," the greeting is little more than a rasp.

He turns his head slightly, doing all he can to avoid your stare. "It's early for you to be awake," he begins flatly, "Go back to bed."

You take in a deep breath before exhaling tiredly, as if to tell him that you'd love nothing more than to be able to go back to bed. "I was--I was gonna get some water."

He watches you for a moment, taking in the stiffness of your posture and the way that your arms remain crossed in front of your chest. You're likely still drunk.

Armand lets out another sigh before moving to stand. The sooner your needs are met, the sooner you can pass out in some other room and he can go back to pretending that you don't exist. "Sit." Instead of moving towards the couch, you blink at him. "You look like you're going to fall asleep while standing, sit."

Instead of waiting to see if you'll listen to instruction, he turns towards the kitchen. He finds a glass and then opens the refrigerator to retrieve the filtered water. Armand fills the cup before returning to the living room.

You're waiting on the couch, head already angled towards him. He sits down, making a point of keeping more distance between the two of you than usual. He turns enough to face you.

At some point in the night, you changed out of the outfit you wore to the party and into an oversized shirt and pajama shorts. However, remnants of the night you've had are still clinging to you. Mascara residue is smudged beneath your eyes and glittery product is smeared across your cheeks. And--and the skin surrounding your lips are stained a reddish-pink.

What could have done that to your lipstick? Was it the drinking? Or sleep? Or perhaps Louis? Or was it something less chaste? Armand dismisses the thought, extending his arm towards you. "Here."

You take the glass, taking a few sips of water before moving to rest your chin against your elbow. "You're in a mood."

You're staring at him with an openness that makes him wonder if his physical form is still capable of nausea. "I haven't fed yet."

"Hm," you mumble curiously before straightening. You take another drink of water before turning over your wrist with a level of focus the action doesn't warrant. "I'd offer you some, but my blood's probably too insignificant to be filling."

Armand stills. You heard his response. Were you conscious enough to hear Louis's accusation?

When he doesn't respond, you let out a soft laugh. "Relax, you've said worse to my face."

At least you're not joking about him harboring a secret fondness for you. "Cruelty's wasted when I can't see your wide eyed reaction to it."

You roll your eyes at the comment. "My, aren't we sadistic?"

"Only to those that invoke a certain feeling in me." He gives the sentiment a moment to stand on its own, allowing a brief silence to stretch over the two of you. Then, once he's sure the words have impacted you sufficiently, he continues, "Like those that eavesdrop."

You gasp in genuine offense. "I did not eavesdrop. I slept through too much of it for it to mean anything."

"Of course you did," he mumbles, his posture relaxing as he moves to rest an arm against the back of the couch. "You sleep too thoroughly, you have no sense of self preservation."

The response makes you frown, but there's a pensive quality to your expression that prevents the look from feeling overly sad. "Seriously. Why are you upset?"

Your ability to accurately make assumptions about him has to be one of the most grating things about knowing you. "I'm not."

"Are you not getting enough attention?" He turns his head towards you, glaring in a way that warns you against continuing. "I didn't mean it in a weird way. Sometimes when I'm upset for no reason, it's a no-attention thing."

He scoffs. "I've noticed."

Your nose wrinkles at the implication. "No, you haven't."

The argument lacks any real significance, and yet he can't help but continue it, "Yes, I have."

"No, you haven't."

"Fine," he states, straightening slightly before continuing, "Then let's talk about what I have noticed." You tense at the change in his demeanor, eyebrows drawing together sharply, but you're not certain enough about the shift to do much beyond that. "You and my companion, together at your party."

Your tilt your head curiously, staring at him with a wide eyed innocence that makes his chest feel hollow. "You--you knew about the party. We invited you, and even though you didn't want to go out, you still made us drinks."

"Yes, and none of that implied that I'd allow you to kiss my companion."

Instead of appropriately begging for forgiveness and mumbling half thought-out explanations, you give him a look that indicates more concern for his mental well being than for your physical safety. "That's why you're upset?" You press your lips together in a way that feels like an attempt at suppressing a laugh. "No, it wasn't like that at all. I was very drunk--"

"That seems to be the excuse of the evening."

The reaction seems to hurt you, the set of your mouth pulling itself into what almost feels like a pout. "It--it lasted like two seconds, and we laughed about it for so long, the group of guys next to us started looking at us weird." When Armand doesn't ease, you continue, "I would have kissed anyone."

Armand angles his head to one side in mock contemplation, "And yet it wasn't anyone, it was Louis."

You let out a small sigh, the sound low and tired. "But it could've been anyone. It could've just as easily been you."

The thought washes over him with the overwhelming suddenness of a rogue wave. He recovers quickly, cautiously raising an eyebrow at your phrasing.

"Not--" You cut yourself off, shaking your head in a silent dismissal of his reaction. "Not in a weird way, just in a totally-meaningless-way. Like I could kiss you in the same way right now, and it would mean just as little." Armand's far from unaccustomed to your alcohol-fueled ramblings, but they usually don't directly involve. "Wait--we should do that."

"What?"

"Yeah." You nod once in a way that feels much too determined. "I'll kiss you the same way, and then you'll see how meaningless it was, and then we can move on."

Armand allows himself to dwell on the idea. It would be such a small, deniable thing. The proximity, however, would not be. By the time you wake up again, it'd mean just as little to you as your earlier Kiss. By sunset, you'd be laughing about it with Louis.

He extends an arm, placing a hand against your shoulder.

"Come on," you gently prompt, "My logic is so good."

He offers you an unconvinced look. "Debatable."

"I don't see you coming up with any solutions."

Armand drags his thumb against your shoulder. You ease slightly at the display of affection. "That's because I'm not the one that created the problem."

The response seems to only make you further committed to your point. "Then let me fix it."

"No--"

"Why?" It's a relatively fair question. Perhaps emphasizing your mistakes isn't worth the satisfaction of forcing you to confront the fact that you're not perfect. "Is it Louis? I don't think he'd mind, but we can wait until tomorrow and ask, if that's better."

He's almost completely certain that Louis would mind, but not for the reasons that you're thinking of. He can't even threaten to wake you up without Louis acting like your life is on the line. "It isn't Louis."

"Okay, then let's just get it over with--"

"No," he repeats, voice a little firmer. Your lips part, and Armand can sense the questions that are to come. His grasp on personal restraint is starting to slip. "Not like this."

Armand feels you pull away from him, your back straightening as you digest the implication of his reaction. He allows you to, his hand leaving your shoulder. An uneasy warmth drags itself up your skin as you stare at him.

"You're drunk," he begins carefully, "I'm not."

The defense, though a weak one, seems to work. "Right." You nod slowly, the gesture directed more to yourself than to him. "I just--I don't want to be in a fight with you."

"We're not," he's not sure if he's willing to give up the moral high ground just yet, but he needs this conversation to end. "We can talk about it tomorrow."

You frown. "Your tomorrow is hours away from my tomorrow."

"There will be something for what I'm sure will be an impressive hangover on your nightstand when you wake up." The response lacks any particular warmth. "I haven't fed yet."

The dismissal takes a second longer than it should to register, but once it does, you move to stand. "Okay." You walk forward a few steps before turning your head to look at him again, "Thanks for the water."

You don't wait for him to respond before turning again, moving down the hall and towards the guest room.

----

a/n this is lowkey based on the new girl episode where nick and jess have their first kiss <3 also armand's reaching his chill persona limit

[serejae]

I CARRY IT WITH ME EVERYDAY | BND

pairing : bnd x reader

genre : fluff

WHAT ! - bnd and the orange peel theory (warnings kissing, petnames and cursing (maybe idk) this was suppose to be short but leehan had to ruin it...(JK)

wc : 1276 | @onedoornet @miidorei

SUNGHO :

-pls are you kidding me?

-him and taesan are the kings of acts of service, but i feel like he'll have a different approach

-you guys know (or have) those dads who hear one single thing about you liking something then buy like 27 of them?

-thats sungho, any fixation you have trust, he's the backbone of it providing for it

"ugh recently the stores have such good oranges" you said as you ate the peeled orange sungho had peeled for you. the second you grabbed the orange he took it from you and started peeling it despite your whines of how you could peel it yourself. either way, you appreciated the action and thanked him. "what store did you go to?" he asked while on his phone "the one near our house" you peacefully said while munching on the orange you heard him hum. the next day you woke up the kitchen filled with bags of oranges as well as a sungho standing there peeling each one. running up to him you questioned why your guy's kitchen was radiating the color orange, he shrugged grinning a bit, and continued peeling. you grabbed one to try and help to which he grabbed it out of your hand. "i don't want your pretty hands getting orangey" he smiled kissing your forehead (have yall seen that man peel a apple…?)

RIWOO :

-it comes to him naturally

-the first time he saw you with anything you had to peel, shrimp, crab, mangoes, he swore to himself you would never have to get your hands dirty again.

-he tries to make it fun for you both, as he listens to you talk he focuses on making the peel of the orange pretty

-so then he has a gift to give to you

you held the orange in your hand as you spoke moving it around. his eyes were focused on the orange as he was listening to you, so he grabbed the orange while still listening to you talk. as you continued speaking he started peeling the orange being delicate with the skin as he slowly peeled some edges. he nodded, hummed, and let out little "yeah's" as he listened to you tell the story that he's probably heard 200 times but he doesn't care. you're telling it to HIM. suddenly he hands you the peeled orange and holds up the peel which was in one piece. now this was his favorite part of peeling any orange for you, you have to guess what the peel was. "bird?" "nope" "flower?" "i already did that" "bird?" "bird" "that's a horrible bird riwoo" "HUH?"

JAEHYUN :

-ugh sighed just thinking about it (nicely)

-he's 163 steps ahead of you

-dont even bother asking for him to peel a orange cause this loser is peeling everything for you the second you ask for a orange

-he comes back with a peeled, diced, cut fruit platter, where'd he get the fruits from in such a short time? idk..

"you know what ive been craving recently baby?" you spoke up as he lay on ur shoulder scrolling on his phone. humming in response he looked up at you "some oranges for the hot summers seem so refreshing don't you-" he cut you off by leaving the room leaving you there '??? rude?'. he comes back in 7 minutes and 29 seconds with a colorful plate. full of red, orange, yellow, green, blue(?), pink, and purple fruits. he smiled as he showed you like a kid showing their parent their artwork, he noticed your silent shock and went "ta-da!" you tried to remember where you guys had this fruit lying around to realize you didn't..." thank you so much jae, where'd you get this fruit from? so quickly too?" he just smiled cheekily "i have my ways" he sat by you and fed you the fruits piece by piece with no complaints.

TAESAN :

-act of service man p2

-if he even heard a LICK of you craving, liking, or wanting something trust, you will have it 12 hours later on the clock.

-it doesn't matter how he heard it, he just did now he needs to deliver for the love of his life

-this man would fight SEAS OF PEOPLE just to get you what you want and act like it wasn't that big of a deal

as taesan made his way to your shared room to ask you a question he heard your conversation with your friend. he didn't mean to eavesdrop but he heard you say "you know what I've been craving recently?" and he had to listen. he was legally obligated to. taesan heard you talk about those juicy oranges, the ehime jelly oranges, were the oranges at where he was? no. was he going to get those oranges? yeah. don't ask, but he managed to get the oranges, did it cost him an arm and a leg to get it in 12 hours? duh, but it was worth it. he was sitting on the couch on his phone waiting for you to wake up to see the oranges sitting on the dining table, when you did you walked out to see a box on the table. "whose this for min?" you asked opening the box realizing its oranges. "you" he said smiling at your reaction when you realize. "are these...?" he nods and gets off the couch to cut the oranges and scoop the inside out to feed to you (i don't think you can peel these kinds of oranges sorry!!)

LEEHAN :

-mister listener overhere...

-once he realizes youve been craving oranges he tries to ask you questions but not too many to get you the perfect orange

-he doesnt wanna ruin the surprise but he has to make sure it fits your standard

-once he got all the information he needs, he's on a mission and will. he will be nonchalant about it when he picks the perfect orange.

"why have you been watching videos of oranges on repeat..." leehan asked behind you as you rested your head on his chest "they just look...so good." you sighed feeling your mouth water at the video of the perfect orange. "its so perfect, the color to the size, i mean can anything be more perfect?" you asked sitting up turning over to leehan, he nodded "I'm looking at something more perfect than a stupid orange right now" he smiled. you laughed at his line "thank you but these oranges aren't stupid" he nodded "how do you pick a perfect one?" he put his phone down and listened intensively. the next day he was the first one at the grocery store just in case some sucker had the same plan as him, to get the perfect orange for their perfect lover. well too bad for them because leehan was there first. anyways, leehan stood there for a while keeping your advice in his head, 'it must be soft, but not too soft that makes it bad. it has to be firm, but not too firm or else the flavor is gone. it has to be big, for the value but cant be too big because that takes all the flavor. it has to be small, but not too small that's too sweet.' your voice kept repeating in this head until- ah ha! the perfect one. now he needs to find 6 more. as he got home with his 7 (hopefully) perfect oranges he starts peeling. you woke up to see leehan walk into your room with a plate of peeled oranges. "woah.." you muttered, they were so vibrant. you tried one and hummed in satisfaction. "howd you pick one so perfect?" you asked him, and he grinned "idunno"

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

wake up and smell the ozone, guys

[ Sebek and internalized racism / Sebek and his place in the Diasomnia found family / Sebek and his capacity to love / Sebek and the love of literature ]

wake up Wake Up WAKE UP

DO YOU REALIZE WHAT'S GOING ON??? ? ? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? BECAUSE I'LL TELL YOU, I'LL TELL YOIU WHAT 'S GOING O N

Do you remember... Lilia's farewell party????? In 7-34, he takes us aside and says this: "Then if you truly wish to repay me, would you indulge a little request of mine? There's a freshman in our dorm, Sebek Zigvolt... It's been half a year since he started here, but I have yet to see him make any friends in the freshmen class. [...] I wouldn't ask [you to be friends with him]. Just... If you notice he's ever stuck at some point during your time here... I would ask that you card soldiers give him a little nudge."

When Sebek runs over shortly after with berry juice for Lilia, Lilia invites him to toast with his fellow first years (Ortho included): "These people will be your rivals and classmates until you graduate. You should take this chance to bond with some students from other dorms."

Of course, Sebek adamantly refuses to do so at that point in the story. "While I appreciate your consideration, I haven't the slightest intention of being friendly with these shallow people. [...] I already have more than enough training partners between Silver and our fellow Diasomnia students. Feeble humans are naught by deadweight! There's no need to be chummy with them!"

We are now well into book 7's Heartslabyul update and it is only now that I realize WE'RE FULFILLING LILIA'S REQUEST FROM ALL THE WAY BACK THEN IN 7-34.

Firstly, Sebek is already having his entire worldview shaken because he is exposed to the terror hie liege, his idol, Malleus, has brought about. The person he dedicated his life to and worked so hard to better himself for is misusing his powers to force his will upon others, including his own retainers. And then Sebek is given a taste of his own medicine when he meets a younger version of his grandfather in Lilia's dream. Baur calls his own grandson "human" and acts suspiciously towards him because of Sebek's race (refusing to trust him, refusing to eat food he prepared, etc.). Sebek, who is hateful and others non-fae, is now the one receiving hate and being othered by the grandfather that he loves and admires. He is experiencing the discomfort with being the target of the behaviors that he himself engages in irl. These two events are challenging Sebek's beliefs and how he sees the world. He's being forced to recognize that Malleus isn't perfect, and how it feels to be persecuted and rejected on the basis of one's race.

Sebek is taken aback by the attitude of dream!Baur and doesn't exactly know how to react (though he continues to act in ways to try and earn his grandfather's praise). Silver has to intervene and remind Sebek that, in real life, Baur doesn't despise him and to not let this get to him--but it's clear that this experience still bothers Sebek, as he grumpily responds with the usual DONT BELITTLE ME, OF COURSE I KNOW THAT tsundere response. Many of the other events Sebek experiences in Lilia's dream also call into question the nature of racial relationships, and, at times, puts Sebek in the shoes of the one defending the partnership between humans and fae. For example, some Silver Owls demand to know why we're siding with the fae, and Sebek declares back that whether human or fae, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, they fight against those with bad intentions.

When we finally transition into the dream hopping segment of book 7, I noticed that Sebek has very targeted interactions with specifically the first-year characters--the very same group that Lilia asked to help him out if he ever gets stuck. For example:

Sebek spends a prolonged period of time in Lilia's dream with Silver (a human he does like), Yuu, and Grim (two newcomers that he has to get adjusted to). Together with them, he unravels an unspoken about part of his country's history. It's kind of like traumabonding/j

Sebek relies on the technomantic support of Idia and especially Ortho (who helps them navigate to new dreams in combination with Silver's UM). He has to acknowledge that this is a specialty of Ignihyde and not something that he, a student of Diasomnia and a first year, could achieve on his own. It humbles Sebek and forces him to depend on others instead of trying to brute force the task by himself. He's physically INCAPABLE of doing so.

In Epel's dream, he appears very tall and muscular. However, Sebek chides Epel and recalls that, at Lilia's farewell party, Epel was praising Lilia because although Lilia has a similarly small stature, he never once failed to be at Malleus's side. Back then, Lilia had told Epel that physical prowess has nothing to do with a mage's strength. Later on, Sebek even praises Epel's style of fighting despite Epel being a first year. Moreover, Epel has a 70-80% success rate at casting his UM--which shocks Sebek, who has not yet mastered his own. Here, he is learning that humans that present as small and weak can actually be formidable fighters with skill that surpasses his own. This is notable because Sebek often pushes himself to train hard physically and mentally to be the best possible retainer and may have insecurities about being a magical late bloomer.

In Jack's dream, Sebek makes a big fuss about the injustices Diasomnia suffered back in book 2 due to Savanaclaw's nasty plot. He makes it clear that he won't forgive them even now--but then Jack says it's understandable given that his dorm members were playing so dirty. Sebek expresses surprise that "there are people like Jack" in Savanaclaw. He's acknowledging that even in a dormitory that Sebek had previously pegged as all underhanded ruffians, there are people who have a moral compass and go against the grain. After all, Jack was the whistleblower in that incident and still to this day realizes their actions were wrong. This shows Sebek that not all members belonging to a group are the same.

In Deuce's dream, Sebek and Deuce bond over books. Deuce shares happy memories that he has with a popular children's book from the Queendom, and this inspires Sebek to want to read the book irl. He also suggests that Deuce pick out or recommend a book for Yuu and Grim, which is similar to what Sebek does for his own loved ones (like Silver). Here, he is sharing his interests with a non-fae in a sort of cultural exchange.

Update: In Ace's dream, Sebek butts heads with Ace in an attempt to rouse him from his dream. Ace resists and counters by saying he doesn't want to listen to someone who looks down on others. He honestly points out Sebek's character flaws. Ace also mentions that Malleus should accept the consequences of his actions, which could also apply to Sebek, as Sebek's attitude has made a lot of his peers dislike him. After Ace departs, Sebek is faced with this question from Ortho: if it was not Malleus responsible for their circumstances, would he really be trying as hard as he is to stop him? Sebek cannot give a proper response to this. By attacking his flaws and how his overly proud nature makes others dislike him, Sebek is being forced to face and reflect upon his weaknesses in character. Furthermore, in Riddle’s dream, Sebek is able to accept responsibility for jumping to conclusions (assuming Ace would betray him) that he makes the decision to sacrifice himself to clear the way for Ace and the others to run. Prior to book 7, Sebek would NOT stick his neck out like this for anyone but Malleus. HE’S GROWN SO MUCH.

I know I've critiqued the pacing of book 7 a lot (particularly when it comes to the dream segments), but I find it really ironic that, of all characters, Sebek is the one with the most spread-out character arc... Lilia's and Silver's arcs were mainly crammed into Lilia's dream, we haven't seen Malleus for several tends of chapters now (so he only ends up being present in the beginning and end of the book), and then you have Sebek pacing himself in this marathon 🤡 even though Sebek is also the one in Diasomnia that's the most in a rush to "grow up" and "be better" (so much so that even his UM is associated with wanting to quickly rush to someone and/or to be immediately stronger).

[moonlight-starlight-lady01]

How...how are you alive?

Kenji sato x Fem! [Different demention] Reader.

☆♡☆♡☆

SUMMARY:Ken had a lover named Y/n, but she had passed away. He was devastated from that. Then 2 years later his mother was declared dead. So he took the opportunity to move to japan and restart his career in his home country. But then something strange happened. There was a exact copy of his lover in his living room. Except she wasnt his y/n. She was different.....from a different demention.

[A/n:Im gonna try and make this into like a series i guess lol]

(Warning: sexual tension, angst, confusion, crying, my cutie ken sad basically the whole story. Y/n has brown eyes & brown hair[ya know bc shes from a different demention]<tell me if i missed any>)

Pt1, pt2, pt3, pt4, pt5.

♡♡♡♡

It was different. Sad. Not like what he had thought his life would feel like. Y/n had died 2 years ago because of cancer. He remembers her blue eyes sparkling like the ocean when the sun began to rise from the night sky. Her blonde hair swaying in the wind perfectly all fluffy and soft. Her plumped lips smiling showing her pearly white teeth. Her dress would be thigh length and sway in the wind so majestically. Her sweet voice would say the most beautiful things when she spoke. But then....her eyes became dried cracked wholes in her head. Her hair began to fall out and become like straw. Her smile started to turn into a signature line. Her voice started to sound ruff and hard. But one thing never changed. How much she loved Kenji. Everytime she saw him walk into her hospital room with the signature red roses and smiling happy to see her fiancé. But then it all ended with that one last beep on the monitor. After that he didnt want to find love ever again. It hurt to much. The sound of her laughter when they would cuddle and tickle each other. Or when they would wake up with each other in bed and stay there all day. It wouldn't be the same.

Then 2 years after that his mom was declared dead. Something snapped in him. He moved to japan to restart his career and forget about everything that wanted to make him cry all day.

So now he was on his way to play basbell. The Giants. Fight as Ultra man. And restart. But how he had asked to please make the pain stop to anything that could have the power to. Anything.

.

.

.

That was until he woke up to a crashing in his living room and a female screaming.

He had grabbed his baseball bat and tip toed to the sound. It was a girl. A women. She turned around and looked at him scared.

.

.

.

It was Y/n.

But it wasn't her exactly....She has brown hair and brown eyes. Probably taller than her and more plump in some areas...*ahem*.

"(Y/n?)"

She looked even more confused. "Uh, yes" she said uncertain. "Who are you and why the fuck am i here?"

He was in shock. Why was there someone that looked like his y/n but so so different. Plus his y/n never cussed. The only bad word he ever heard her say was crap. And she said fuck like shes used to saying it.

"W-Wait, you dont know me?" Kenji asked confused. He waited for her answer. ".....nooo?"

Fuck. What the fuck. How is this possible.

But, after some time. He learned that Y/n was 22 and was living in California. She worked at a cafe and book store to make ends meat. She was the complete opposite to what y/n was like. She didn't even have the same color at all like her. Brown hair, brown eyes, playful/sassy attitude and less innocent.

"Well, can you help me get to my home demention because like ya know, im not suppose to be in this one?"

Damn. She's right. She has to go home sometime. He looks at her thinking.

"Plus, everytime you look at me your litterely burning holes into my ass and tits"

Yep she definitely not his Y/n. How will this go now. His life is already a mess to began with...

♡♡♡♡