#ive got nobody else
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧
#nobody laugh at me for making smth embarrassingly heartfelt and sincere.#ok listen ive never edited video before in my life. but im always like ‘if i was a person that made edits id make one with angel baby’#and the brain worms got to me. i just had to get angel baby OUT of my brain#also didnt download any new clips for this. all of this was just already on my laptop i am a file hoarder#anyways. sssorry#~#jk#jungkook#my art#this doesnt belong in my art tag but idk where else to put it. im not renaming it My Creations for 1 video
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Watch out ya'll, Sin's sketching Bloodborne comics again! 💀
#sin speaking#(i havent drawn anything bb related since MAY. holy shit dude. tbf i have been affronted by existing in general lmao)#(wow 2 whole years in the bb community and this is the first time ive drawn any of the main monstars. very subpar of me)#(im making approximately 0 promises on when this will get done bc i always end up being wrong LOL but still)#(i got a big brain boost of bb inspiration so you have to contend with my messy af sketches)#(anyone thats been here for a while is used to that though)#(why yes!! i AM infatuated with the choir rn. specifically my choir menace hradi who i love so much he has been written into ruzas story)#(as a minor role. but a role nonetheless. HEH.)#(it feels good...it feels so good to be with them again...)#(this isnt a big comic its like 4 pages lmao but still)#(i am currently raiding the chalice dungeons for uncanny weapons if yall need someone to tomb prospect with hmu)#(aloysha and hradi's profiles are menacingly strong and available for hire at the price of one corn chip)#(if nobody else got me i know my ballpoint pen unique brush got me AMEN)
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SECRET red dwarf easter egg SPOTTED
#got put in a room with alcohol for the first time in months and this came out of it#this is the second red dwarf post ive made#where the joke is FREEZE FRAME. SOUND EFFECT. CAPTION!#but look on the bright side at least i still haven’t posted the david he/theyster video#that’s a bit that. nobody else will ever find as funny as i do#red dwarf#benny.mp4
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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#fight club got me thinking about how when i was younger me and my friends would play this stupid game#where u get like 8 or so people in a big circle and put your hands in the middle one on top of the other and whoever is on the bottom of th#stack winds up and smacks the top of the stack as hard as they can#if u remove your hand from the stack youre out#and the game goes until two people are duelling each other which usually ends out of like boredom cuz the games would go rlly long since#nobody wanted to chicken out#but wed do it for so long my hands would be like bloated and purple cuz ppl actually used like full strength to hit the stack#there was this really buff kid who would wind up and ppl would drop out from fear of his move alone and after he hit the stack#the whole circle would like tremble#ive seen ppl talk about playing bloody knuckles but ive never actually witnessed a game of that#idk im curious what kind of stupid shit like that yall did#cuz that was like a core memory for me#tumblr polls#my polls#fandom polls#polls#poll time#in the polaroids i just posted too theres a before pic of our hands but someone else has the after one
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"I know"
"Do u want to see what I added today?"
"Sure buddy"
(insane rambling below!)
Scrapbooks! Scrapbooks! Hell yeah!!
Hello to the 5 ppl seeing this👋 Ima be real Im running on 7 hours of sleep after 5day grind brain mushy rn and I scribbled everything maniacally by memory at 3am after having one of those revelation moments so I have no idea what I'm missing lmao. This is actually the first time drawing them like this 2. Really proud of it
and B4 u ask anything hear me out.
So like tmnt2012 mutant apocalypse am I right?
Yeah it's flawed and pacings off and stuff BUT! The implications it left behind are haunting and it has been stuck in my brain for years. One of the things that stuck with me was the fact that Raph and Don had stuff like April's tessen, Mikey's stuffed bear head, The Creeps containment jar, and Casey's skull(horrifying btw) with them and that it's like :((
I fully believe it was Donnie who collected and carried them everywhere in their car. Not only for Raph(to help with this memory)but also for himself.
Why? Well maybe I'm reading 2 much into it and it's also partly a HC of mine but also bc canonically Donnie has a bit of a hoarding habit collecting trinkets and pictures and stuff. He likes to keep things around that hold a lot of significant value to him.
We see this in The Creeping Doom during the intro
AND I swear he's got a literal wall of family photos in his lab somewhere I can't for the life of me find it but I know he did! He even took some to the farmhouse with him when they escaped during the invasion.
They're memories yk? Reminders..
Ok im having difficulty expressing this shit rn words r failing so like give me ur brain 4 a sec.
Imagine ur donbot.
You're stuck in a cold metal limbo for the rest of ur last remaining family members life. Everything and everyone you knew and cared about is dead and gone. Over thousands of species and ecosystems that made ur world unique wiped out. No more animals no more wild things no more blue clear skys. Death can't come for you. Not in a way that matters anymore.
And no matter where u go you are haunted by shadows of what once was. There are so many echoes and ghosts and cultures and stories and lives that were buried & left to rot by the gaping maws of fear & the desperate need to survive. No one cares for the past and the only other person around you can't remember it. Time will claim its domain again and there will be nothing left except empty metal husks to show sentience even existed in the first place.
Like holy shit he was just a kid bro and he never got the chance to even reach full adulthood!!! I can't possibly imagine the grief and guilt he must've carried with him all those years. He lost EVERYTHING
His family. His home. His world.
Did Donnie even get the chance to mourn??? Do u think his new body allowed it? Do u think he even ALLOWED himself to mourn? He had a hurt amnesiac brother who still needed to eat, who could still starve and bleed and die if they weren't careful enough.
So between his habits and the ✨Angst✨ and human pollution, him hoarding random ass things Wall-E style and making these shitty little scrapbooks or keepsakes didn't seem so far fetched to me. I also highly doubt there was enough time or resources to build shrines or graves in the middle of apocalypse. But yk honoring/preserving the memories of the things and ppl we love is natural for us so like SORRY if its a bit cringe of me wanting him to have SOMETHING to comfort him during the really bad days.
Even if its more bitter than sweet
Bonus doodads cuz I was indecisive:
The 1st was purple tinted cuz of donbot vision get it hehehe
#you bet ur bucks im writing a piece for this. ive got it halfway done in my docs already#also i lied i am cringe#i hoard stuff too it helps me remember#and also bcuz im lil goblin apparently#a lil projecting dont hurt nobody *car crash noises*#first attempt at a comic btw#look at me go! babysteps!#tmnt 2012#mutant apocalypse#2012 old man raph#donie (donbot)#<-😭#teenage mutant ninja turtles#splatter scribbles#phone art#(improvement bb!!!)#i copy pasted the newspaper clips im sorry😔#but evething else was me :3#and there are reasons why i drew what i did too :33#2012 tmnt#bghuhh tim e fo sleep now gn
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For you ✨❤️pookie❤️✨another work in progressssss~
⬇️original sketch below⬇️
#i get to draw my babies again#I GET TO DRAW MY BABIES AGAIN!!!!!:3!!!!#i love drawing my tribbles and i love to think of their interactions with each otherX3#and i just realized that I haven’t really drawn these silly siblings really interacting with one anotherrrr….gonna have to do thatt#but anyways#i finally decided how i (think) i want to draw their eyes when closed for resting#i was on the fence about either doing them the way i did before(which was a while ago) when i did the closed eye line and then just the top#lid visible or doing the way shown(which i actually first did when i did my frank&eddie piece X3)#and i think i like it this way!!!#took my a few tries but i feel pretty good about doing them where its their eye-shape with a low-line if that makes sense#phew i really hope some of that made sense#but now ive only got the faux-rendering(?) and background to do#the background shoundnt be too hard bc i want to keep it simple since its just supposed to be the ground#(i say this as if i dont say that each time i do a background that always ends up taking a whole day)#welcome home#welcome home clown illustrations#welcome home puppet show#welcome home oc#welcome home mitt#welcome home tibbers#welcome home houi#mitt n tribbles#tibbers t tribbles#houi d tribbles#<i dont care that nobody else will probably ever use these tags gotta make sure my babies have their own#artists on tumblr#wip#wip tag#sketch#digital art
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.
#I DID LAUNDRY#no yall dont understand#i have been unable to drive since april i have been so fucking sick#and after i got treated for sepsis i still had massive anxiety around being in vehicles#(context: while sick i had uncharacteristic intense and violent motion sickness)#ive only just been able to overcome the worst of it to be able to drive my little one to and from school (no busses for preK)#and ive been slowly desensitizing myself by going places with my family#yall.#i just drove my ass to the laundromat and did motherfucking laundry by myself#LAUNDRY#look i know its a fucking everyday chore for most people but it's an everyday chore I Have Not Been Able To Do For Months#a chore i did completely on my own. nobody else in the car for backup or emotional support#it feels like the first small step in truly getting my life back#and it makes me feel so much better knowing there's one more chore i can take off of my husband's shoulders#i did it#i can't believe i fucking did it but holy shit i did#im legit going to cry over fucking doing laundry by myself
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if i wasnt for my mutuals i think all of my events would have flopped
#auburn's rambles <3#gahhh its so dumb but like#events are my way of trying to connect w the twst fandom#and i have been so desperate for any sense of community here lately#i feel like im just screaming into the void#and i dont know why it feels like nobody new bothers talking to me anymore#i think its because people are scared of me but i wish they werent#ive tried my best to seem approachable and i tell people over and over that they can talk to me#but nobody does#ever since 1.8k really#its just been my mutuals talking to me and nobody else#and i love my mutuals but i want to have what i had when i first got here#i dont know if this is a twst Fandom problem or if its just me but#its like theres nobody here anymore and its not the same#im so tired of people being intimidated by me#im literally just like you i am just like ALL of you#its exhausting honestly.
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ʚ🕯ɞ
#the night are starting to get colder now...#and it always makes me feel so so so lonely#bc it is so cold and my body is so empty and hollow it goes down into my bone marrow#i just dont wanna be alone anymore#i want to hold someones hand i wanna hug someone i want to cuddle under a blanket at night time as the cold comes in thru the window#i dont wanna be this lonely.....#and it scares me so much.. will i always be this lonely??#i sat by the lake today and watched the moon and the waves... the blue sky...#i thought... that nobody is waiting for me. nobody is expecting me. nobody out there... is waiting for me#i could disappear and who would... who would notice my absence right now?#the loneliness suffocated me and felt like a fist closening on my heart. squeezing it#as i sat there i thought i could slit my wirst with that sharp rock and then walk into the lake#until i got submerged and water filled my lungs and i could die there. let the water fill my lungs and drown me#could die in that lake. and who would know? nobodys waiting for me. nobodys expecting me.....#but i dont want that. thats why i keep going every day despite how much it hurts#i just wanna love and be loved. i dont care for anything else.#i dont care for material things. not for profession or education nor money nor status nor a large social circle#i dont care i just dont care. all i want is to sit side by side with someone. watch the lake. hold hands.#spend eternity like that. with someone i love. i dont need anything more#and i watch everyone around me.. how come everyone else can find someone but not me?#everyone ive had just a crush on is in a relationship. some of them even live with eo.#everyone else can find someone else. can find someone. but not me? why do i have to be alone?#i do have to say that my love being focused on someone who is closed to receiving it hurts so much more#than simply longing for a love when it has no face and no name. but i cant do anything abt that. either way still hurts..
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i am getting so desperate i need flavo plushie..pleaseeeee
#Ive never been this desperate to hold a character i like SPAMTON ALREADY HAS A PLUSHIE !!! FLAVIO DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING!! so its like#i have to do this myself nobody else is going to#😭😭😭😭😭😭#i would smile so wide#i feel like pacing around at just the thought Im so ill guys#i feel like throwingup i want plushieeee i love plushies#birthday is coming up. i hope i get money from a couple relatives my aunt got me a tiny ass thing of vodka last time instead#cuz i turned 21 haha drinking age haha so funni I didnt drink it Btw#i just want money i could get whatever i want im begging#hrghhh i crave flavo touy
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I really need some gravity falls friends I think :(
#idk im feeling annoying about talking to non gf friends about it again.#i just said a lot of stuff about stan and his memory loss in multiple discord servers im in today and nobody really. interacted with it in#any of them so i kinda feel stupid for wanting to talk about it ?#any time i feel like this i KNOW its because of how my ex treated me regarding it (can elaborate if asked) and its been hard to...#deal with on my own really.#ive been going through old gf content and such that ive forgotten about in the like? 6 or 7 years i kinda strayed away from it#BECAUSE of that one ex i mentioned#i tend to get on little tangents and talk a LOT about specific gravity falls things for paragraphs accidentally and... nobody who isnt into#the show rn like me isnt gonna like. read that. and respond to it.#i guess i need. conversation? instead of feeling like im talking AT people who just arent as interested as i am.#i think something that really got me down about how much i typed put earlier today is that in one server someone completely changed the#subject about it and the topic got changed without much interaction or discussion at all and in another it was kinda completely ignored#nobody talked over it or anything but nobody has said anything about it at all either. that channel has just kinda been dead and silent#since i stopped sending messages in it. its just#sad? i guess? disheartening.#to be super enthusiastic about something and just not have that enthusiasm met by anyone else. or even like. vaguely hyped up by anyone else
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i love apollo 18 but i have a few problems with it and one of the biggest ones is that i can never just listen to the fucking album because its impossible for me to hear this song without repeating it at least like 4 or 5 times
#I think in some ways this is literally like the best song he's ever written <- not a hot take at all i know but man#it really is like it kind of perfectly encapsulates everything i love about his songwriting at least lyrically#okay musically its amazing too i like the way it goes to the bVI in the verse he does this thing a lot in his chord progressions where the#verse chords are usually straight forward some variation in like I IV V I maybe with a ii an vi nothing too crazy and then he puts in#something like that or like often it's a II that is at this pivotal moment and its like idk like . he usually shows restraint like that in#the verse and chorus and then does something really complex/interesting in the bridge#not always but theres a lot of songs like that in this case oh my god i love that bridge#hes got the ascending line cliche thing and it keeps climbing and climbing towards the climax of the last verse and its sooooo GOOOOOOOOD#and its got suchhhh a classic linnellian melody insanely catchy like this is just such a perfect fucking song#i just feel like this is like. the archetypical john linnell song. platonic ideal of a john linnell penned pop song perfect example#lyrically obviously too its just soooo him nobody else could have written it. okay he got the title from flans though credit where its due#but yeah. perfect pop song lyrically complex and clever funny and recursive and circular and dark and morbid and just like. its so. perfect#ALSO THE ARRANGEMENT....................... i love the organ on it so much i love the guitars i love the way its mixed#yeah anyway if i wrote a song like this. id retire afterwards . he says hes still chasing trying to write the perfect pop song but i think#this would be my contender for like. number 1#anyway i love this song but EVERYONE loves this fucking song so i forget how much i love this song sometimes. but i love it#this also was my favorite they might be giants song as a kid mostly because i really liked hearing him swear . lol#but because of that like birdhouse im like ive probably heard this song more than most any other song in my life so thats a factor
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#talkys#delete later#(this is a meme redraw)#ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before#and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party#because whatever! normal human experience!#the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth#from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened#i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok!#like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time...#<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result#ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way#and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else....#but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending.#doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know?#i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.
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god bless the ‘this will not lock you out of choosing a different romance’ indicator they’ve finally decided to add. as someone who likes to choose every possible flirt option im ever given it’s so much less stressful this way. i feel a bit bad that all the companions are starting to act like our relationship is Special, but it’s also Fun and i now know that there are no consequences (at least for who i ultimately choose. rip everyone else’s self-esteem)
#i am very VERY hard leaning towards davrin#which was my initial plan but when i started i was like oh no a bunch of these guys are cool. what if i dont like him as much?#turns out i did like him as much. even more than i expected lmao#but i still got to have taash push me against the wall so it’s a win all-round#side note. so i’ve been choosing every flirt option for everyone and i got a heart next to davrin’s approval SO EARLY#like on the second flirt i ever did. and only JUST NOW ive got a heart with taash and NOBODY ELSE#davrin you may be playing hard to get but you’re DESPERATE man#da#dav#dav spoilers#(mostly for tags oops)#personal
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