#ive got nobody else
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I love how you posted about the baited Jax tickle scene! Was wondering if I can send in the request to have art of Jax being tickled in the chair by the hands?🥹🥹🫶
the way I LEAPED for my tablet to draw this. THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! 🫶 your wish is my command (click for better quality!)
#originally this was gonna be a comic#but ibis was lagging SOOOOO HARD GOR SOME REASON.#and i got SO frustrated#BUT EITHER WAY#THEY SHOULD HAVE HAD THIS#IT HAD THE BESSTTTT SETUP#ive said this in my last post but i ADORE the way jax nervously said 'n-nobody can see this right'#LIKE HEY? Whay else could. fhat be implying. becayse. god damn#sfw tickles#tickle community#sfwtickles#sfwtks#sfwtwords#tickling community#tickle art#jamie'sart#the amazing digtickle circus#lee!jax
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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finally digging into kashrut and man it's such a beautiful thing
#i genuinely did not get the point until recently#but it's incredible to be able to sanctify and ritualize something else in your daily life#the animals are respected and blessed during slaughter which is something that is so so important#like yeah keeping kosher makes grocery shopping and dinners out complicated but it's such a deep connection to your judaism it's worth that#bringing something sacred to snack time#but bitch i will not lie i am going to miss shrimp fettuccine alfredo like its nobody's business#anyway this is marking a new stage of development in my conversion journey: keeping kosher (to the absolute best of my ability)#also next development is finally observing havdalah#that big ass braided candle scares the shit outta me so ive been hesitant BUT i'm ready for her now#ive got so many extra neshamot piled up that god is gonna start fining me like a pissed off librarian who wants her overdue books back#personal#jewish conversion#jew in progress#jew by choice#jewish convert#judaism#jumblr#kashrut#kosher
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Watch out ya'll, Sin's sketching Bloodborne comics again! 💀
#sin speaking#(i havent drawn anything bb related since MAY. holy shit dude. tbf i have been affronted by existing in general lmao)#(wow 2 whole years in the bb community and this is the first time ive drawn any of the main monstars. very subpar of me)#(im making approximately 0 promises on when this will get done bc i always end up being wrong LOL but still)#(i got a big brain boost of bb inspiration so you have to contend with my messy af sketches)#(anyone thats been here for a while is used to that though)#(why yes!! i AM infatuated with the choir rn. specifically my choir menace hradi who i love so much he has been written into ruzas story)#(as a minor role. but a role nonetheless. HEH.)#(it feels good...it feels so good to be with them again...)#(this isnt a big comic its like 4 pages lmao but still)#(i am currently raiding the chalice dungeons for uncanny weapons if yall need someone to tomb prospect with hmu)#(aloysha and hradi's profiles are menacingly strong and available for hire at the price of one corn chip)#(if nobody else got me i know my ballpoint pen unique brush got me AMEN)
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SECRET red dwarf easter egg SPOTTED
#got put in a room with alcohol for the first time in months and this came out of it#this is the second red dwarf post ive made#where the joke is FREEZE FRAME. SOUND EFFECT. CAPTION!#but look on the bright side at least i still haven’t posted the david he/theyster video#that’s a bit that. nobody else will ever find as funny as i do#red dwarf#benny.mp4
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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My goal for this year was to read three books. It took me MONTHS to finish even one (burnout and schoolwork do that too a bitch). BUT! My other goal was to spend my winter break ACTUALLY relaxing and recovering from the semester and all of the fuckin stress I was dealing with. I have been on break for not even a full week and I've already finished an entire book!! I have not felt this good in ages
#we may reach that goal yet!!#ik nobody really cares but ive got no one else to tell this too so i say it here#i have very much always been the kind of person who doesnt know how to relax or feels guilty for trying to relax#even though i know i need it#but im making an effort to 1) actually rest and 2) spend less time on my phone#in hopes that ill maintain those habits once next semester starts#new year new me and all that#but uhh yeah. we chilling#rose is reading#<- new tag for books perhaps#irl#just r's thoughts
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#fight club got me thinking about how when i was younger me and my friends would play this stupid game#where u get like 8 or so people in a big circle and put your hands in the middle one on top of the other and whoever is on the bottom of th#stack winds up and smacks the top of the stack as hard as they can#if u remove your hand from the stack youre out#and the game goes until two people are duelling each other which usually ends out of like boredom cuz the games would go rlly long since#nobody wanted to chicken out#but wed do it for so long my hands would be like bloated and purple cuz ppl actually used like full strength to hit the stack#there was this really buff kid who would wind up and ppl would drop out from fear of his move alone and after he hit the stack#the whole circle would like tremble#ive seen ppl talk about playing bloody knuckles but ive never actually witnessed a game of that#idk im curious what kind of stupid shit like that yall did#cuz that was like a core memory for me#tumblr polls#my polls#fandom polls#polls#poll time#in the polaroids i just posted too theres a before pic of our hands but someone else has the after one
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For you ✨❤️pookie❤️✨another work in progressssss~
⬇️original sketch below⬇️
#i get to draw my babies again#I GET TO DRAW MY BABIES AGAIN!!!!!:3!!!!#i love drawing my tribbles and i love to think of their interactions with each otherX3#and i just realized that I haven’t really drawn these silly siblings really interacting with one anotherrrr….gonna have to do thatt#but anyways#i finally decided how i (think) i want to draw their eyes when closed for resting#i was on the fence about either doing them the way i did before(which was a while ago) when i did the closed eye line and then just the top#lid visible or doing the way shown(which i actually first did when i did my frank&eddie piece X3)#and i think i like it this way!!!#took my a few tries but i feel pretty good about doing them where its their eye-shape with a low-line if that makes sense#phew i really hope some of that made sense#but now ive only got the faux-rendering(?) and background to do#the background shoundnt be too hard bc i want to keep it simple since its just supposed to be the ground#(i say this as if i dont say that each time i do a background that always ends up taking a whole day)#welcome home#welcome home clown illustrations#welcome home puppet show#welcome home oc#welcome home mitt#welcome home tibbers#welcome home houi#mitt n tribbles#tibbers t tribbles#houi d tribbles#<i dont care that nobody else will probably ever use these tags gotta make sure my babies have their own#artists on tumblr#wip#wip tag#sketch#digital art
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#I DID LAUNDRY#no yall dont understand#i have been unable to drive since april i have been so fucking sick#and after i got treated for sepsis i still had massive anxiety around being in vehicles#(context: while sick i had uncharacteristic intense and violent motion sickness)#ive only just been able to overcome the worst of it to be able to drive my little one to and from school (no busses for preK)#and ive been slowly desensitizing myself by going places with my family#yall.#i just drove my ass to the laundromat and did motherfucking laundry by myself#LAUNDRY#look i know its a fucking everyday chore for most people but it's an everyday chore I Have Not Been Able To Do For Months#a chore i did completely on my own. nobody else in the car for backup or emotional support#it feels like the first small step in truly getting my life back#and it makes me feel so much better knowing there's one more chore i can take off of my husband's shoulders#i did it#i can't believe i fucking did it but holy shit i did#im legit going to cry over fucking doing laundry by myself
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if i wasnt for my mutuals i think all of my events would have flopped
#auburn's rambles <3#gahhh its so dumb but like#events are my way of trying to connect w the twst fandom#and i have been so desperate for any sense of community here lately#i feel like im just screaming into the void#and i dont know why it feels like nobody new bothers talking to me anymore#i think its because people are scared of me but i wish they werent#ive tried my best to seem approachable and i tell people over and over that they can talk to me#but nobody does#ever since 1.8k really#its just been my mutuals talking to me and nobody else#and i love my mutuals but i want to have what i had when i first got here#i dont know if this is a twst Fandom problem or if its just me but#its like theres nobody here anymore and its not the same#im so tired of people being intimidated by me#im literally just like you i am just like ALL of you#its exhausting honestly.
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i am getting so desperate i need flavo plushie..pleaseeeee
#Ive never been this desperate to hold a character i like SPAMTON ALREADY HAS A PLUSHIE !!! FLAVIO DOESNT HAVE ANYTHING!! so its like#i have to do this myself nobody else is going to#😭😭😭😭😭😭#i would smile so wide#i feel like pacing around at just the thought Im so ill guys#i feel like throwingup i want plushieeee i love plushies#birthday is coming up. i hope i get money from a couple relatives my aunt got me a tiny ass thing of vodka last time instead#cuz i turned 21 haha drinking age haha so funni I didnt drink it Btw#i just want money i could get whatever i want im begging#hrghhh i crave flavo touy
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#hey merry xmas all#im alone this year#i thought id not spend xmas alone anymore now that ive got a partner but#alas they get to go see their family 10 hours away and i have no family to see#i would have gone with but work made me stay#i miss my dad#i cant believe hes gone#its been two years but i still cant believe it#i dont have anybody to hold this christmas or open presents with#i only know its christmas because the internet wont let me forget lol#but i hope nobody else is alone#and if you are i hope you are ok
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yk i genuinely don't think ive ever been able to actually express my gender dysphoria out loud to another person cos with my family they'll get uncomfortable or think im somehow bragging bc i have the misfortune of a hyperfeminine body, with therapists im always trying not to say smth that makes me sound too self hating to get letters written, and with other trans people i don't want to upset them. idk writing it down just feels like im cataloguing everything that's wrong with me but I don't think ill ever have anyone i can talk to about it either
#i guess i got lucky in some ways with PCOS and my face is androgynous#but just even besides my weight my body type itself is just. not doing me any favors when it comes to passing#maybe if i was skinny i could deal with it or fat with an otherwise masculine body but both just feels very insurmountable#like ive just never seen a cis man that looks anything like me even guys that r the same weight#hell even trans men never look like me#idk maybe t will help with it longterm and at the end of the day it is what it is. like i don't have to like my body to be kind to myself#been considering lipo with top surgery too bc i just#i don't even have the typical pcos body type that is a little more masculine#like ugh. realistically ik i always cover myself head to toe anyways and that nobody is rlly looking that hard#in most photos if im dressed well i just look like a guy with wide hips. most strangers who've seen photos of me#assumed i was cis esp with clothes that diminish the hips#but i wish i could look at myself naked and not be utterly disgusted and alienated at almost all my features is all#ik itll get better with top surgery and i do have things i like like my shoulders and calves#but man just. i know i am not the first to express this but being a 5'3 fat man with an hourglass figure is not fun!#they literally do not make mens pants in my size 😭 at least not ones i can go try on in a store#i would just really like to kill the transphobe in my head mostly. or at least show his ugly ass to somebody else.
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I really need some gravity falls friends I think :(
#idk im feeling annoying about talking to non gf friends about it again.#i just said a lot of stuff about stan and his memory loss in multiple discord servers im in today and nobody really. interacted with it in#any of them so i kinda feel stupid for wanting to talk about it ?#any time i feel like this i KNOW its because of how my ex treated me regarding it (can elaborate if asked) and its been hard to...#deal with on my own really.#ive been going through old gf content and such that ive forgotten about in the like? 6 or 7 years i kinda strayed away from it#BECAUSE of that one ex i mentioned#i tend to get on little tangents and talk a LOT about specific gravity falls things for paragraphs accidentally and... nobody who isnt into#the show rn like me isnt gonna like. read that. and respond to it.#i guess i need. conversation? instead of feeling like im talking AT people who just arent as interested as i am.#i think something that really got me down about how much i typed put earlier today is that in one server someone completely changed the#subject about it and the topic got changed without much interaction or discussion at all and in another it was kinda completely ignored#nobody talked over it or anything but nobody has said anything about it at all either. that channel has just kinda been dead and silent#since i stopped sending messages in it. its just#sad? i guess? disheartening.#to be super enthusiastic about something and just not have that enthusiasm met by anyone else. or even like. vaguely hyped up by anyone else
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yesterday at 29.5 years old I watched as many videos as I could find from my high school marching band, choir, and theater run crew days and realized I barely have any memories of my junior year of high school (13-14 years ago btw) other than feeling bad™️
#i know i was bullied by people i considered friends and theyre all super christians now which is so discordant with who i am lol#it was def a lonely year but i also like forgot the marching band show (it was p cool)#i literally cried my eyes out when i found the 2011 marching band vids#i was like there's little lost baby me and just wanted to hug her#and say itll be okay youre gonna go through things good and bad that you cant even imagine rn#also looking back im like wow most people were in choir OR band OR run crew#very very few ppl were in all of them and possibly nobody else was in all of those when i was?#i found a kid i guess 8 years younger than me who posted all his jazz band and choir and theater vids from my hs#and thats the only other person i can think of that genuinely got involved in all of those things#being a jack of all the performing arts and master of none was lonely tho#i didnt quite fit into any of the cliques bc i was half in half out of everything#its so insane how much i changed when i got to college (two weeks/14 days after my hs grad bc summer session...)#and that change was not instant#i was a swirly mess figuring out who i was for the first two years of college#i mean life is just a swirly mess of figuring out who you are#but like i got to college and realized i barely actually resonated with anything i was doing#and let go of and then relearned to love things like choral singing and playing flute#choral singing in college was so much better than high school bc it was for fun for everyone instead of the choral girls whole personality..#also the 'best' singers from my high school mostly aren't even in music today or doing any singing outside of karaoke...#at least i wrote a whole ass ep last year???#and ive written much more music that i havent released#idk rambling tags make it sound like the identity struggle never ends but dissociating and forgetting portions of ur life doesnt help lol#t#okay bye
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