#ive been thinking about things recently

[greenfiredragonfly]

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been so...frustrated, and honestly anguished, about how difficult it is to find a good, long piece of fiction that doesn't have romance as a primary focus or plot point. Why is romantic love always considered the most important? The most life-altering? The most permanent and significant? Why does platonic love always take second place? Why isn't it ever enough to make someone a part of your family the way that romantic love is? I've lost count of the number of novels, series, TV shows, and even fanfics, that I've dropped because it just became exhausting and disappointing. I hate our society a lot of the time. Being aspec, it's just so alienating. Romance is nice, but to me, platonic love has always seemed more important. More stable, more desirable. But nobody else seems to feel that way or act that way. Characters choose their love interests over everything else. In real life, friendship falls to the wayside in the face of starry-eyed love.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but. I've felt this way forever. And as I get older, I just become more tired. I trust less that platonic love will ever be enough for anybody to want me in their family. I find myself thinking that I'll never be able to have a family of my own at all, unless I play the game, and push myself into romance when all I really want is family. Our society isn't made for me. It isn't made for people like me. Nobody will ever choose me, never want me or prioritize me unless I fit into the love interest category for them, and it's unsettling, a little nauseating, and above all disappointing. I do feel like I'm missing a part of myself that everyone else has. I try to accept myself and acknowledge that being me, feeling how I feel, being aspec, is good and valuable. But I'll never have a place to feel at home. I'll never fit. I'll be a side character in everyone else's life forever, never someone who matters most, who is chosen.

And I'm just...tired. I'm tired. I don't know why nobody else would make a friend into family when they love them and have known them for years, meanwhile people will date for a few months, for one year, and then make each other their family.

It feels like the world is a little crazy. It doesn't make sense to me. And I am scared that I'll end up by myself as everyone falls in love and goes away and I'll be left here, with my platonic love that I feel so strongly and that means that I would gladly, gladly die for someone or move mountains...and it all means nothing. It feels like because I'm aspec, because I'm just a friend or whatever, that I mean nothing (or just not enough) and never will.

Yeah. Well. That's just what I've been thinking about. I started reading something really fun with a good plot, and then there was the romance, and it started making me sick, and I stopped reading it. And I'm frustrated because the story and the writing were good. I'm frustrated because of how alienating it felt to read. I'm frustrated by how alienating it feels to be alive.

[doctormori]

I love this book to death, so here's some things I noticed <3

[mxrtified777]

krunk

[feelo-fick]

"it must be the caffiene."

"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"

//

CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling

HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.

Bonus :

[trauma-bot]

sin eater

[skunkes]

[exhausted-undead]

sorry for the surplus of Viktor getting cultified but. I had this in my drafts from about a month ago and figured I may as well share him

zoom in for details :)

[missescalientee]

The past JD ex's who got back together with him club. I feel like they'd have a lot to talk about

Freesia is @zivazivc

[yippee-optimistically]

mods r asleep post humanized 4x

finished catching up on tpot it was peakkkkkk but i am so scared of one. also working on little clay and felt dolls of 4 x and 2

[mellohiizz]

melmel...your wifies...always so cute...i wanna squish his face...

honestly, me with this dumb dog coded guy...

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

[rolex-kaard]

gabriel's halo moving like ears to show emotions. send post

[crazyxtogether]

I love you peter gabriel heros but the day that david bowie heros play is stranger things is the day I come to life

[earthmixsclowderofcats]

Okay but imagine being in ZeeNuNew’s shoes - you’re queer, confirmed dating but haters still pair you with women you interact with or just meet (business or not), tell you that you’re not ‘queer enough’ and your relationship that you confirmed years ago must be fanservice and if you tell something like ‘NuNew likes cold showers, I prefer warm/hot ones and it’s torturous for me’ (Zee has said it recently by the way, like days ago) people still act surprised:/ but I hope it’ll be better for them

It's definitely an interesting situation. Because like, coming at it from an outside perspective as I was, I was confused for a while. Over the top fan service is a staple of the genre tbh. But I think maybe people get stuck on the black and white and forget the nuance.

Like yeah, it can be fan service and they can also actually care for each other. Which is where I ended up. Because they were definitely playing it up, especially at the beginning of the relationship, but you can also see the genuine affection and emotional honesty, and you can see how it shifts over time.

Again, so wild to me that it's like living your own fake dating au. Committing to the bit to the point where it's no longer a bit. It sounds like a bl plot. (I mean DMD is literally doing a bl with that plot right now lol) That's so meta.

I think people are naturally skeptical, and I think that's probably for a good reason, as it's always best to keep yourself self aware when it comes to celebrities. But what's weird is the intensity with which people are either "pro" or "anti."

As if it's a matter that affects them personally. Like, if they are "pro" and proven wrong true love doesn't exist and they were fools all along and if they are "anti" and they're wrong they were hateful homophobic crones. When like. We are not part of the equation. But people are dedicating themselves to their stance so fully. Which is why I think I was going back and forth for a while before just being like ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

They are or are not whatever they are. They're cute as hell and act like a couple so that's the assumption I'm gonna live under.

You know the whole "if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's probably a duck" thing?

I don't shower with my bros.

But instead of being like "hey, I change my mind once I've encountered new information" people double down in weird and frankly, queer phobic ways.

I can understand the confusion about their label because I understand it's a bit different culturally. Like, in a western sense most people would not consider it a confirmation because it was more of a "make your own assumptions" kind of thing. Which was what tripped me up for a while.

Tbh that would be the best possible response if it were secretly all fan service all along somehow. Because then that would give people the feeling of confirmation they want while still having the deniability of "I never actually said that."

But also, given the untraditional nature of their relationship, labels like that, especially at the time, may have just not been something they were worrying about. Like, I don't think there's a guidebook for this whole situation.

Sidenote: I am so charmed by the epic saga that is them vs showers.

Especially how Nunew likes to tease about Zee's snoring vs Zee teasing Nunew about his bad habit of not showering before bed. (But it's ok if Nunew does it because Nunew is always the exception it seems. Something the besties have in common. Nat is always the exception for Max.)

The shower ghost, etc. it's peak old married couple bickering.

Kind of like for whatever reason what convinced me about earthmix (on top of everything else) was that Mix pops Earth's zits. Like. That's a level of intimacy that simple costars do not have lmao.

When it's not just the cute shit, but also the gross stuff and the every day bickering that makes it feel genuine.

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[soulmvtes]

i feel the closest i have ever felt to myself and that is the reason why i know things will feel better soon