#ive been thinking about things recently

[greenfiredragonfly]

Ever since I was a kid, I've always been so...frustrated, and honestly anguished, about how difficult it is to find a good, long piece of fiction that doesn't have romance as a primary focus or plot point. Why is romantic love always considered the most important? The most life-altering? The most permanent and significant? Why does platonic love always take second place? Why isn't it ever enough to make someone a part of your family the way that romantic love is? I've lost count of the number of novels, series, TV shows, and even fanfics, that I've dropped because it just became exhausting and disappointing. I hate our society a lot of the time. Being aspec, it's just so alienating. Romance is nice, but to me, platonic love has always seemed more important. More stable, more desirable. But nobody else seems to feel that way or act that way. Characters choose their love interests over everything else. In real life, friendship falls to the wayside in the face of starry-eyed love.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but. I've felt this way forever. And as I get older, I just become more tired. I trust less that platonic love will ever be enough for anybody to want me in their family. I find myself thinking that I'll never be able to have a family of my own at all, unless I play the game, and push myself into romance when all I really want is family. Our society isn't made for me. It isn't made for people like me. Nobody will ever choose me, never want me or prioritize me unless I fit into the love interest category for them, and it's unsettling, a little nauseating, and above all disappointing. I do feel like I'm missing a part of myself that everyone else has. I try to accept myself and acknowledge that being me, feeling how I feel, being aspec, is good and valuable. But I'll never have a place to feel at home. I'll never fit. I'll be a side character in everyone else's life forever, never someone who matters most, who is chosen.

And I'm just...tired. I'm tired. I don't know why nobody else would make a friend into family when they love them and have known them for years, meanwhile people will date for a few months, for one year, and then make each other their family.

It feels like the world is a little crazy. It doesn't make sense to me. And I am scared that I'll end up by myself as everyone falls in love and goes away and I'll be left here, with my platonic love that I feel so strongly and that means that I would gladly, gladly die for someone or move mountains...and it all means nothing. It feels like because I'm aspec, because I'm just a friend or whatever, that I mean nothing (or just not enough) and never will.

Yeah. Well. That's just what I've been thinking about. I started reading something really fun with a good plot, and then there was the romance, and it started making me sick, and I stopped reading it. And I'm frustrated because the story and the writing were good. I'm frustrated because of how alienating it felt to read. I'm frustrated by how alienating it feels to be alive.

[doctormori]

I love this book to death, so here's some things I noticed <3

[mxrtified777]

krunk

[feelo-fick]

"it must be the caffiene."

"...? we didn't have anything caffinated?"

//

CHILAIOS WEEK DAY 2 : Changeling

HI THIS IS SUPER LATE BUT ART HAS BEEN. HARD. AND YES I SKIPPED ONE DAY THAT ONE IS GONNA GO LAST BECAUSE ITS TAKING SO LONG TO MAKE.... ill get to the others when i find the time.

Bonus :

[trauma-bot]

sin eater

[skunkes]

[exhausted-undead]

sorry for the surplus of Viktor getting cultified but. I had this in my drafts from about a month ago and figured I may as well share him

zoom in for details :)

[yippee-optimistically]

mods r asleep post humanized 4x

finished catching up on tpot it was peakkkkkk but i am so scared of one. also working on little clay and felt dolls of 4 x and 2

[luck-of-the-drawings]

so REVENGE, HUH? or justice, if that makes you feel better. it tastes the same when cooked just right. 'I REALLY WANTED A BROTHER.' such a shame to burn a bridge you so desperately wanted to keep, especially when it wasnt even you who started the fire. especially when you hope that not a single fragment of that bridge ever washes ashore.[MAY IT ROT FAR FROM MY SIGHTS] an unfortunate loss! atleast he has his friends.

[rolex-kaard]

gabriel's halo moving like ears to show emotions. send post

[crazyxtogether]

I love you peter gabriel heros but the day that david bowie heros play is stranger things is the day I come to life

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[leadendeath]

using squared, angular faces like ¬_¬ and :] to deliberately yet subtly allude to my computerness

this post is always popular so instead of turning off rbs for like the third time *posts my links* also i have a plan for my assessment which i need to add to my gfm page when i can find my phone to login- ask me about it! :]

you’ll reblog this version if you’re not a coward >:]

[sonknuxadow]

something so beautiful about how shadow with huge demon wings is probably something that would have been widely made fun of a few years ago but the general consensus on it now is that its the coolest thing to ever happen . peace and love on the black comet

[adanaac]

HEY GUYS CHAPTER DAY hey anyway did u know about the shen. shinkirou. mirage clam dragon creature. this is one of those things i assumed everyone knew about bc im so in love with it and i think about it all the time

it's so many concepts that appeal to me. a little unassuming creature. the idea of mirages being the dreams of a creature at the bottom of the sea. the nebulousness of the concept of a "dragon". mirages and illusions in general

anyway this is all preamble to show u my son Mirage

(cowboy because he was for a wild west themed minecraft rp server lmao. but also have u considered: cowboy dragon hot?)

im not a writer so i dont have a lot of plot or lore for him or anything but he IS entirely based off the concept of "deserts have mirages. oceans have mirages. the desert conjures up a mirage of the ocean"

anyway yeah i really love this clam thing. one of my favorite creatures ever

[extravalgant]

i looove azteca from like. a narrative stand point

because we have this hero and thats you. were practically the stuff of legends by arc 2 just because of what kind of experience we have under our belt. we've never lost a fight, and it's assumed that we never will. that's how powerful the wizard is—everyone expects them to win, expects light to triumph shadow

and when we fail.... well. it shocks everyone doesnt it? people get angry. people get disappointed. to the wizard, who has never known failure or disappointment, it must feel like an entirely new thing. this culture was here for thousands and thousands of years—a culture and a people you never knew about until you were brought into the spiral.

and now because of you its gone. because you failed to save it and stop morganthe, its gone. and i think merle's passiveness about this situation hits a little differently this way—i read it more as disappointment, anyways. and to someone who has never known defeat, not to this capacity, with this many casualities and victims, the disappointment feels a little more crushing, doesn't it? the wizard is supposed to be a hero summoned from the legends, from a place not beyond a spiral where they had not heard of magic, and it feels like they let everyone down.

this imo is where morganthe truly establishes herself as a villain. i mean she already was a villain before imo BUT bringing a grieving man back from the dead to puppet around AND destroying a world is just straight up evil (and i love that). people like to complain about the malistaire bit which is valid in some cases but i think it really does sell the frivolity in which she chooses to go about things. like hey heres a man you killed with your own hands. probably when you were young. i brought him back from the dead to use as my pawn and now you have to fight him again btw. using a dead grieving man for my own goals. and then the fact that we cant beat him at the end, to 'send him back', is just another way she gets a leg up on us. she leaves us with unfinished business and xibalba destroying azteca is just icing on the already fucked up cake she's given us.

shes TAUNTING us. and this is important because it does come back to us in khrysalis—no doubt the wizard is still haunted by the sins of their past; their failure to save azteca. they have to get through this bit, to learn to let it go, before they can learn shadow magic. after all this, it's still stuck with us—our failure, one that she spearheaded.

dont even get me started on the wizard learning shadow magic maaaaaan because now they share one thing in common—they know shadow magic. they wield shadow magic. and shadow magic is so reviled that it's forbidden. no one else but her can really understand the isolation that comes with learning shadow magic, and it parallels the wizard and her even more because neither of them had a choice! the shadow magi turned morganthe into the shadow queen she is today, and we are subsequently forced to learn shadow magic and do the same if they ever have a chance at defeating her. i love it. i LOVE it. i love azteca... i love khrysalis....