#this may already be a thing but ive been thinking hard about it recently

[rolex-kaard]

gabriel's halo moving like ears to show emotions. send post

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC. MAC I LOVE THE SUCKEING. OH MY GOD. MOST UNSERIOUS CAMPAIGN EVER. one minute arthur is giving up his beauty and humanity in order to learn how to free himself from this curse and then the next he’s tearing off his shirt to show taylor lautner his abs so he won’t attack them. shilo tore out his own eye and emizel forgot how to do taxes. grefgor got a girlfriend and he wants to propose to her after less than a month of dating. he works at walmart now. taylor lautner’s willpower is nine and all it took for him to back down was for some fucking guy in a motorcycle helmet to rip off his shirt and show him his abs. i’m gonna LOSE it mac

^how it feels to listen to the suckening. what the FUCK is going on <3

oh my god. if you're feeling like that NOW just wait until you get to the last two epiosdes. fucking WILD dude. this campaign is SO FUCKING unserious. MOST unserious longform campaign they've done and it's the fucking horror vampires one !!!!!!!!!! insane 2 me . hi Taylor lautner. oh boy you get to hear charlies horrible terrible awful dog impressions. how is he so UNNATURALLY awful at making dog sounds (you'll hear more of these if you end up listening to bitb. he's awful)

UM. YEAH SHILOS EYE HURT ME REAL BAD BUT ALSO THAT SCENE??? WHERE HE WAS DANCING IN THE SUN???? ughhh dude I genuinely teared up during that. where charlie asks "do you do anything else?" and bizly says no he just keeps dancing. yghhhhhh I love that part so much.

DO NOT . TALK TO ME. ABOUT GREFGORS GIRLFRIEND. I HAVE COMPLICATED FEELINGS ABOUT HER. every day is 9/11 for grefgor fans (me) (<< phrase I picked up after seeing this ep the first time and just kept repeating until it permanently got stuck jn my head) I hope she like. Becomes An Actual Character in season 2 . she's NOTHING. she's NOT EVEN GOTH. it's not the fact that he got a girlfriend randomly that bothers me it's the fact that this was just like. a convenient way to Get Rid Of Him so they wouldn't keep forgetting to put him in scenes and they wouldnt have to take him with them for the last couple eps. and this made me so sad because I love grefgor so much and I miss him every day and I want him BACK. he can bring his girlfriend with him I don't care I just want him back so badly -crying cat.jpg-

[nyxyxx]

Godly Desires - Part 5

Disappeared for a while for holidays and stuff. Happy New Year folks. This chapter is quite short but the good parts come next so that's exciting. (Also with a little bit of lore hehe). I. II. III. IV. V. Warning: This series will contain yandere content and religious themes.

"The City of Wind"

-

In the woods, stirring from its ancient slumber was a darkness so wicked and vicious, the very life that surrounded it began to wither and decay, rotting away from its presence alone. This darkness, it had a mind of its own, yet had no name to accompany it. Perhaps it once had a name, but said name has been long lost in the archaic oceans of time. Sunk deep within the waters of the world, lived a name so egregious, that uttering it would only bring about misfortune.

There was a prophecy to be told about this darkness. An ancient prophecy, one that was older than the gods themself. A legend told from within the land, an old story that was soon to be unearthed. Though this story would very soon present itself, discovered in the depths of the sea, now is not the time.

"It is the calm before the storm, my love."

-

"Stop right there!" A young girl emerged from the trees and promptly ran towards you. Dressed in red, white and brown, alongside the pyro vision at her hip, it was the ever-so recognizable Outrider Amber. She stood in front of you, with an air of justice and gentleness. "May the anemo God protect you, stranger!" She announced, suspiciously gazing over your strangely dressed self. "I am Outrider Amber, of the knights of favonius, and who are you?"

"Oh uh...I'm [___]"

Amber simply stared at you in silence, looking a lot different than her typical self. Almost like she was thinking really hard about something, but also staring at you. Noticing how weird she was being, she kinda just turned away from you, her ears tinted a little pinkish.

...

There was somewhat of an awkward silence following. You gave her a fake name, as Diluc had mentioned it may be a good idea to do so, though you found it to be quite strange. Still, this was just way too awkward. Why wasn't she responding? Did you already do something wrong?

"Oh um...right. Where was I..." Amber snapped back into her usual persona, and thus you carefully explained your situation to her, keeping a few things hidden, but otherwise being truthful. She seemed to relax after a while of talking to her, even opening up a little bit.

"If you'd like, I can take you to the city, there have been lots of monsters in the area recently." She said, a little bit shy. It was uncalled for, but since she was offering you her company, you accepted happily.

Reaching the gates of the city, you glanced up at the sky. Though you had seen Mondstadt many times it looked so much more beautiful in person. Maybe your dream just had such great detail to it. Amber hastily showed you around, though it was mostly unneeded, as the entire city felt so familiar, to you. She quickly mentioned that she had to get back to work, and hoped that you had a good time while you remained in Mondstadt.

You couldn't help but shake the feeling that there was something that you were missing. Some important reason that you had to come here. Like you had been sent here for some purpose that you can't quite remember. You tried really hard to think of what that could've been, but attempting to do only led to your head hurting.

Well, you were here anyways. You might as well try and find something fun to do. So, swallowing those strange feelings, you decided to try someplace that might be interesting. The local tavern, perhaps.

-

Taglist: @justyoureader; @mmeatt; @iamapotatoe; @clavichordcleffa; @yu-ulda; @c3rtifiedsimp; @eravariety; @vianitry; @dulcedelechenginamo; @reveihehe; @liansh3ng; @angelofdarkness2; @yarabutterfly;

[idyllic-affections]

So I JUST got this idea after reading your mist recent adoptive dad!Kaveh piece and now it WILL NOT leave my mind. You emphasized on how his child's emotions are his emotions and how he's much more empathetic when it comes to them. So naturally, as a connoisseur of all things angst, I keep thinking how Kaveh will handle it when his child has their first heartbreak! Being so emotional himself will he be able to hold up or will he cry with them? and I wonder what the rest of them will do, there's just so many possibilities

how is [name]'s first heartbreak handled?

summary. how does [name]'s platonic co-parenting family respond to their first breakup?

trigger & content warnings. gaslighting, tough breakups, abusive behavior, lots of tears, & medical malpractice (briefly and pretty non-seriously).

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort. tighnari & reader, alhtiaham & reader, adoptive dad!kaveh & reader, cyno & reader, collei & reader. 1k words. they/them pronouns for reader. this post is an expansion of what if kaveh adopted a child?

author's thoughts. THIS IS SO TASTY THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS.... ive never been in this situation before nor do i really understand what heartbreak feels like so i just kind of went with the flow. focused mostly on what [name]'s lil family would do and how they'd all react. anyway keep sending me your adoptive dad!kaveh thoughts guys i love this kind of interaction haha &lt;3

tighnari is furious. alhaitham is level-headed and logical as usual, but not indifferent. kaveh cries with them. cyno is livid. collei is calm, comforting.

kaveh is very sensitive to his kid's mood; i have indeed emphasized this already. he knows when something is wrong. he senses the shift in their mood almost instantly. depending on where they are, he may or may not be the first to know.

do they return to gandharva ville after they break up with their first love (for the sake of angst, let's say it's because the ex-lover in question sought to abuse and take advantage of their selflessness, but [name] was not having it, and they were gaslit upon pointing it out and ended up being called needy)? if so, tighnari will know first.

archons forbid their ex ever show up at gandharva ville for any kind of treatment. tighnari will treat them, yes, but he will make it hell. he will make it worse before making it better. medical malpractice? no, that's not what it is, silly. he's not even a licensed doctor! how can he commit malpractice if he doesn't practice medicine in the first place?

...

tighnari can think all he wants about doing such a thing, but he really wouldn't. he couldn't do something like that. he'd have a guilty conscience forever if he did. however, that does not mean he won't give [name]'s ex attitude. oh archons, he has all the attitude in the world to spare for the asshole who hurt his nibling (a/n: that's the gn term for niece or nephew).

[name] is not needy. sensitive and clingy at times, perhaps, but needy? tighnari scoffs at the idea. they're self-sufficient, if anything. the simple truth is that [name] likes affection because they were spoiled with it when they were little. the fact that their first love gaslit them in such a disgusting way makes the forest watcher's blood boil.

"[name]..." he'd sigh, heart squeezing painfully in his chest as he held them against his chest, unable to do much of anything except listen to the way they sobbed. tighnari's tail instinctively curled around their waist. "it really is not your fault. some people are just... horrible like that. ultimately, you deserve better, so this is for the best. it may not feel that way right now, but one day, it will."

do they return to kaveh and alhaitham's shared home instead? is kaveh home? if not, then alhaitham will know first. it isn't improbable. kaveh is often away on work trips, so it isn't hard to imagine that the akademiya's scribe would know first.

alhaitham hates seeing kaveh cry. he wishes he would stop expending himself to a harmful extent for the sake of others.

he also hates seeing [name] cry. why should they spend time crying over a manipulative asshole who had no capacity to understand them as a person? they shouldn't, and yet... they are.

like tighnari, alhaitham sighs. he's stroking their hair away from their face with one hand, stopping every now and then to gently pat their tears dry, even though his efforts are fruitless; they end up crying more regardless of how many times he dries their face. their head is laid in his lap. it's the least the scribe can do until kaveh gets home.

"[name], they're not worth your time. you were raised to be kind and emotionally articulate. it isn't your fault that they tried to take advantage of that."

he sighs again.

"i'm proud that you refused to let them manipulate you."

alhaitham's blatant, clearly-worded praise is rare. it soothes their soul a little.

if kaveh is home, however...

they will be sobbing in his arms within the hour. he always knows when something is wrong, and when something is wrong? he's there to support and console them. that is what any good father would do. kaveh's heart shatters on their behalf when they manage to choke out between tears that their love had so callously tried to abuse the kindness they offered to all those around them.

kaveh undoubtedly cries with them, holding their figure tightly against his.

"honey, it—" he chokes, aggressively wiping his face with one hand while the other remains secured around their waist. "it's not you, okay? it's not your fault. people, they— they like to try and take advantage of things they don't have. kind people don't take advantage of kindness. good people don't take advantage of goodness. you did well. you handled it well."

cyno will always be the last to know, regardless of what order everyone else finds out in.

cyno is also the most furious.

it's probably in [name]'s ex's best interest to flee the country. the wrath of general mahamatra cyno is an utterly horrifying thing to be the target of. he won't physically hurt them, no (although he would have to put all of his self control into practice in order to not knock all of the kid's teeth out...), but he will make it very clear that he does not want them anywhere near his nibling ever again unless it's to apologize, and even then... he had better not see them lingering too long.

the next time he sees kaveh and his kid, cyno plants a firm hand on [name]'s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze, saying, "they won't bother you again."

a slight chill runs up their spine at that. "...what did you do to them..?"

"don't worry about it."

anyway congrats to [name]'s manipulative ex! they have made enemies with four of the most influential people in sumeru <3

(and as a little bonus treat:

collei, now in her late teens, is some kind of mix between tighnari, alhaitham, and kaveh. she's not mad. she's just disappointed, really; she loves [name] like a little sibling and just doesn't understand why anyone would knowingly hurt them. she knows very well that such cruel people do exist—she was the victim of one such person, after all—but... it's so hard for her to fathom. collei is very gentle and understanding in this situation, letting them cry on her shoulder for as long as they need to. once their tears have dried, she takes them out on patrol with her.

she makes them fresh pita pockets over a fire and spends the afternoon laughing and joking around with them to help them feel better. she'll even tell one of cyno's awful jokes if it will make them smile. <3)

adoptive dad!kaveh taglist: @kaoyamamegami. send a non-anonymous ask to be added. please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[werewolf-girlfriend]

ive been enabled so let me share some of my thoughts on how to get ur art noticed online

if u want Engagement on ur posts then i believe that its critical to make people care about ur art. the easiest way to do this is to appeal to something they already care about, like fandom, aesthetics/subculture, current events, having fun (people love humor!). a harder but perhaps more fulfilling route is to talk about ur own ocs and projects enough until people start caring about them too

theres an infinite amount of topics people care about out there so id suggest picking something u already care about urself and channel ur art energy there. trying to make art for the most popular things out there regardless own interests is an exercise in misery, id advise against it..! if im allowed to get superstitious for a moment, i do believe that even untrained eyes can tell whether a piece of art was fun to work on or a chore. and besides! if ur having fun then its easier to create more, and the more u create the more chances ull have at getting lucky and having a post seen :)

on a very related note, art is a way to communicate ideas so the quality of the idea being presented in a piece of art is paramount to how popular a post will be. what i mean by this is that technical skill isnt the primary determinant of a posts popularity. if all your posts are portraits of original characters then people will have a hard time connecting with your posts and theyll keep scrolling, even if those portraits are masterpieces! the major exception to this is probably other artists, who ive found usually have a greater appreciation for the technical side of art (we can only speculate as to why..!)

lemme finish by saying that making popular posts and being good at art are two entirely different skillsets, ive seen many incredibly skilled artists with jack shit for notes because they dont give people a reason to care about their stuff NOT TO MENTION its a huge game of luck whether a post will get seen. so dont go insane in pursuit of recognition!

(i dont want to make this post too long so ive included examples from my own art and their note counts with my analysis after the break)

hello and welcome to the extracurricular segment to this post :) i bring yall two pieces from my art blog @werewolf-artfriend:

here we have a portrait of my fursona that im still proud of and a sketch suggesting "what if sniffers (from minecraft) were the size of mountains?" (let it be noted that the sniffer sketch was posted right during the minecraft mob vote = peak interest in the subject of sniffers).

the portrait at the time of writing has a crisp 30 notes, whilst the sniffer sketch has over 2000 notes. from the same artist, on the same blog, posted only a few months apart. i believe this is a good example both of the power of a piece of art having an interesting idea at its core AND of a piece appealing to the interests of the masses

this is of course just two convenient example posts, but i have experienced fan art of popular topics getting thousands of notes a couple of times now, amidst my other furry shit that these days get around 200-300 notes in comparison

this may sound like a really long winded way of saying "fan art make the world go round" but i just want to point out the nuances that

1) it matters what u make fan art of: if a fandom is small or dormant (waiting on new canon content for example) then clearly less people will be excited about the fan art you make. dont expect 10k notes on ur post if the average recent post in the fandom gets around 200 etc etc

2) it doesnt have to be fan art! ive also had some of my bird art get thousands of notes because people simply like birds :) and this applies to ANY topic people care about! the world rly is your oyster on this one

anyway i think ive started rambling dhgdjhgd thanks if u read this far! i hope i got my point across! and if ur feeling down about ur art not being seen then just keep at it okay! keep creating and keep having fun! keep sharing ur ideas and perspectives with the world and ur audience will eventually find u! i love you!

[shirayuricky]

heyy hope ure doing well!! first i wanted to thank you for being one of the only people who wrutes for &team here 😭😭😭 love your work!!

Now onto the hard thoughts... honestly its just one thing - bsf ej and nicho getting their way with you 😩 i could imagine more than a 100 ways this could happen, and love every single one of them

recently one ive been thinking about a lot is inexperienced virgin reader who gets a special lesson from her 2 bsf, who gets really possessive talking about how they should never do it with anyone else othe than them :((

(hi and tysm! i be carrying the whole luné writer community here me seems 😭)

you ranted to nicholas and euijoo how you feel so insecure being a virgin, because your other friends have already lost theirs. and you are totally pure, you never even exposed yourself to such intimacy. but that one night changed everything.

the two of them took their time with you, making sure your first time goes well. before they really took away your virginity, they prepped you with their fingers. and you didn't know that you would blush a lot. nicholas found it cute, so he loves to praise you on how you look cuter with your blushy cheeks.

and you are sure that you are prepared, you took euijoo's cock first (because his cock is slightly less thick than nicho's. this is just my opinion.) he makes sure to go slow with you, making sure you can adjust to his size. he only then picks up the pace but never goes too rough. and after you came, euijoo switched places with nicholas.

and this one really made you bleed. but nicholas was quick enough to praise you to distract you from panic. he goes extremely slow, treating you like a porcelain doll. he never goes rough. his thrusts may be faster at the end, but never rough. he doesn't want to hurt you. he did say something which goes, "we fucked you so well, baby. i don't want you to get fucked by anyone else unless it is us." he whispered to your ear.

and at the end, you found yourself in a bubble bath, the air smelling like tangerines and the bubbles smelling like strawberries. they really took good care of you, even during aftercare.

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

I'm not a "ship" person whatsoever but I do scroll character tags on occasion and see quite a bit of Vox and Vel together as well as what seems to be a lot of what I'm assuming is female original character stuff. I've even seen some Charlie and Vox too. So it's out there, but unless you're scrolling through character tags I can see how it might be hard to find. Personally, I also block/filter a lot of the big "ship" tags so maybe that also makes it easier for me to stumble across this stuff that "slips" through since I don't know if those pairings have names.

I get your point though. I do think many are inclined to erase his bisexuality when it's convenient. Interestingly, they also erase Valentino's pansexuality too. The same with Husk as well, but I check his tag a lot less so who knows.

What disappoints me, and I know I'm about to come off as nit-picky right now lol, is the lack of research people put into their "sexuality" headcanons for the characters with reference to their different eras. When reading some of them, you'd think the idea of "gay rights" was a completely new and foreign topic that only emerged after the early 2000s. I get people want to go for the simplistic "repressed and doesn't know what being [insert identity here] is" for some of the older characters but that completely ignores a fascinating and rich tapestry of queer history that could create far more interesting (and still accurate) stories for the characters/their backgrounds. I would really encourage those who haven't already or are generally unfamiliar to dive into this history as it might inspire their character ideas while also educate them on the work, art, and activism our queer elders have contributed to the community we have today.

I think this may partially relate to character ages being under explored as well. While I've seen debate on what is canon/has been decanonized many of these characters, as far as we know, died in their late 30s and beyond. That's a lot of life to live and experience. While certainly many people throughout history (and even today) kept their sexuality hidden from the public due to culture, shame, and safety that doesn't mean there weren't many incredible private venues/spaces that could be utilized to explore those feelings/identities in secret.

I could go on and on about this but I've totally strayed from your original point (I'm sorry!) and I'm very tired haha. I just think there are multiple factors coming into play here with these character interpretations and, for me, the biggest missed opportunity is the lack of historical research. But end of the day people should have their fun! Just an observation.

Completely agree with this! I doubt my response will be as long since I just woke up but other characters doing certain things or not knowing about sexualities is interesting, it just seems like a lot of people think older people don’t want to explore any of that like it only just happened recently as you said. I like to joke about Angel being shocked about gay marriage and not knowing a bunch of current terms but thats about it. With him being in the mafia when he was alive makes it much more interesting as well, I’m pretty sure around his time the mafia was blackmailing men in gay bars but dont quote me on that I might be wrong.

Anyway for Husk and Valentino pan erasure I see that a bunch too. Not exactly erasure but just… ignoring it? Moreso erasure on Valentino’s end because Ive seen people get mad at people for shipping Valentino with a woman and was like “hes gay dont do that” no he isnt. Also dont ship Valentino with anyone for the love of god. But like people are super used to just making up headcanons that they dont bother to look up actual canon stuff. I know Hazbin isn’t the best but if you want canonically LGBTQ+ characters use what you have and add on later. Or headcanon a background character, thats what I did with Molly.

People are very focused on modern day queerness and forget that this stuffs been happening for decades and it’s a bit sad. Also I seem to have strayed from my own question as well?? Anyway ty for mentioning this! Its very interesting 🩷

[pomodoriyum]

Sunrise, Dense fog and knot for the ask game!

omg i almost forgot to answer. hi!! hope you are doing well!! and that you have had the chance to see some pretty nature recently!!!

🌅 (Sunrise) - Do you have ambitions or plans on going on an arctic expedition in real life? If so, was it directly inspired by the show, or was your interest in the show because you already had these goals? If not, what things do you dislike about the prospect? (The temperature is a given!)

alas. i belong to the burning heat of the low desert.

🌫️ (Dense fog) - If you could have saved just one of the men from going on the expedition, who would it have been? Why them above anyone else?

in truth? none of them. i wouldn't alter the story in any way, shape, or form (although it'd be nice to y'know. avert the suffering of the local people that the crew causes. but that is in fact critical for the show's premise. T-T).

i do want to feed them all some delicious lightly spiced foods (capsaicin is what i mean) and see what kinds of faces they make. because im a little mean.

🪢 (Knots) - Favorite Terror fic(s)?

there are so many incredible terror fics, it's really really hard to choose. I tried to find some of my bookmarks for Mr.Fitzjames (i know he's your funny guy), but it looks like i have none. sorry T-T. I know that some of these authors have works centering around fitzjames, and im sure those are probably pretty good. here are some fic recs:

curious meat by skazka (hickey/gibson study)

somewhere in the belly of the beast by cherrytart (armitage/pilkington situation, mutineer camp era)

Imperfect Life by Drac (hodgson character study)

tastes arranged for the body by Stonestrewn (hickey/gibson, this one rewired my brain so many thousand times)

raw material by stonestrewn (hickey/tozer/hodgson. holy shit this fic is so good. i think ive read it like 5 times at least. im limiting myself to two recs from stonestrewn but honestly i recommend checking out all of their work)

potluck by catpoop (des voeux & hickey discuss something. short, wretched, and has haunted my brain since i read it)

babygirl, i wanna study you under a microscope by starblessed (gibson study-- quite funny, in a mean sorta way. definitely more lighthearted.)

Transubstantiate by anomieow (des voeux/hickey. porny. really good)

The Butcher of Dule by vigilantejam (cdv character study. short & stays with you!)

You're Already Caught by vigilantejam (cdv/vesconte & cdv/hickey. another character study through porn. funny as well. definitely also recommend this author in general.)

Barnyard Epithet by HarveyWallbanger (cdv/hickey. you may notice a running theme in these last few recommendations. sorry i do not control how my bookmarks are ordered.... T-T)

my head in your hands; your teeth in my neck by gremlit (tozer/hickey survival AU [along with a few others]. pretty much one of the only mute/tongueless hickeys ive seen done right!)

[whovianshifts]

first shifting attempt !

(well, since my year long break)

as some of you may know, i really love reya singh's reprogramming the mind program. so, lets begin a few days before the attempt:

i identified that, whilst i believed in shifting, one of my beliefs was that shifting was difficult and that it was complicated. so i worked with that. and after trying to reset my views, i still didnt shift.

anti-climactic huh?

it's not that i didnt shift, actually. i had felt so much anticipation leading up to that day that i felt so anxious and drained that i just couldnt bring myself to. so the next day, before bed, i decided to *actually* shift.

at that point, whether my reprogramming worked or not wasnt my concern (which i suppose means that it did work, because i've stopped caring so much about the specifics of shifting). however, that night, i realised that, whilst ive become less obsessed, i couldnt let that make my shifting attempts half-arsed and lazy.

so, going back to the basics, i used a classic method: the julia method (i used the alinur one on spotify).

before you continue reading, i just want to make it clear: i didnt reach my dr. but i learned a lot, i found my footing again and if you're interested in the learning process, read ahead! it might help you fix things you've been struggling with too :)

anyway, as ive been meditating a little recently, it wasnt to hard to focus at first. compared to all the other years ive tried the julia method, this time, i concentrated with ease. i didnt have any scattered thoughts distracting me and i was able to quickly move on if they did start to show. for me, as someone who started shifting wondering how on earth i could shift if i couldnt control my simple thoughts, this was a huge win!! it might have taken a few years, but i am confident that i have already overcome all the big hurdles for myself and am on the right track.

concentrating is one thing; even last year, after a lot of meditation and yoga beforehand, i was eventually able to calm myself. with effort, i could achieve it. but visualisation? when i was younger, i was a very good visualiser. but, at some point, that all changed. i often found that my visualisations were out of my control, that for example, when i visualised a house, a tornado would suddenly appear and just destroy it. even when i did visualise, it was with a lot of mental strain and my visualisations ended up fuzzy anyway. i think, on a deeper level, it has something to do with my anxiety and my life - feeling like things are always out of my control.

so this time round, i was so happy to find my visualisations were stable. i went from being someone who thought she couldnt visualise at all, even thinking she had aphantasia to actually picturing all the prompts in the guided meditation and being able to focus on my dr. what helped me was definitely practicing visualisations during my reprogramming days - i found an image of my waking point (tigris snow's guest room, check out my other post!!), saved it to my phone and just stared at it. i visualised every detail as i went about my day - remembering little things i wanted to focus on (the blue wallpaper, the red shoes, the grimm's fairytale book, the golden bedframe). i started just by picturing the image, then slowly doing a general 360, even if was fuzzy at first before it got stronger and i had established my waking point. so when i was shifting, i could conjure these up easily.

(to anyone that struggles with visualisation - this is your sign!! dont give up! practice it! its a skill too!! you can do it and i promise, it really helps with shifting in the long run)

so, there i was. i'd gotten up to the bit in the meditation where it focused on conjuring up an object in your mind and sending it away and everything was good. but as soon as she moved on and asked for this to be applied to the dr/cr situation (send away what your cr touches and replace with dr), it was all moving too fast for me. i think this was one of the first things that threw me off - feeling out of control and suddenly unable to follow on. for me, this is when i started disconnecting. counting to 100, i had lost a bit of focus trying to catch up with myself and that didnt help.

furthermore, the counting to 100 thing freaks me out. personally, it makes me feel out of control. i would prefer if i could count to 100 myself, as, when the meditation reaches 100, i sort of feel like the method is over and that i should just start again yk? idk. maybe my issue is that i want control over something that is meant to be spiritually freeing? maybe i should allow myself to let go more. i will resolve to do that during tonight's shift then.

after that, i lost focus. even then, when i tried, i could see a light from my cr and forcing my eyes shut made me lose the flow.

overall, this shift was a 5.5/10 and the extra .5 because i, having written this blog post, realised how far i have come in the long run and so that def deserves credit. i felt few symptoms, though i know that this isnt necessarily a prerequisite of shifting, and i didnt really feel connected to my dr? as it was my first shift, however, i dont mind.

anyway resolutions for my future shifts:

meditate a little beforehand to allow myself to be more detached and let go of my anxieties. trust the process more. maybe use guided meditation as a relaxation technique (because as a meditation i liked it) rather than as a method.

things i want to try out:

shifting in the hypnagogic state - i usually set an alarm for like 4am and try the hypnopompic method - but i am going to try and just stay awake until i'm really sleepy. i find that i have the most trust in this method, as last year, i had many vivid dreams and close lucid dreams after trying this. in terms of a method, i might just affirm a little and trust the process.

on a side note, writing out all my shifting thoughts helps with finding direction instead of being caught up in my own confusion. would recommend.

anyway, happy shifting

tish :)

[teddykaczynski]

i really dont know what to do about a situation............ i cant figure out if ive lost interest in someone or the actual answer is that im mentally ill. or a third thing. but basically, more than a week ago im pretty sure i split on boysweetie. which is also the first time i can recall splitting on an irl romantic entanglement. other times i have, it was an online relationship. and its now become really hard for me to spend time around him. not all the time, there are times when i feel warm and fine and im enjoying myself but im much grumpier, irritable, impatient, just hard to be around and unpleasant. and i dont like how my behavior impacts him and i also dont like how it impacts myself, i hate knowing im acting this way it makes me feel so terrible that im so avoidant of that feeling that its enough for me to want to end it. but the split wasnt that long ago, so its possible ill feel less critical and harsh and more open and accepting soon. in which case it would suck to end things prematurely. but also, my grumpiness may not be bpd. every time its been really Bad it could also be blamed on being hangry or nicotine withdrawal. but but also, i do feel like the relationship wont... last.

reasons being: 1. personal differences, the fire and earth stuff. 2. i should find it and watch the interview but there was a john waters post i saw recently where he was saying in a relationship you never want to be the one that likes/loves the other person more since its the more vulnerable position and he said some other things too but thats stuck with me and i feel like ive often been the one who cared more. but im pretty sure he cares more. so on one hand thats flattering and a little exhilarating but it also makes me feel gulity and uncomfortable. uncomfortable because im like textbook anxious attachment and a whole part of my process is like... idk basically convincing the other person to love me. when theyre open and interested right away im like. well you know nothing about me so how do you know you like me. 3. he has bad breath. and i told him i think this. oops. its not a hygiene thing he brushes often but ive noticed it. and my mistake was telling him this right after i said i was thinking of canceling our sleepover and going back home. once we both calmed down he brushed his teeth again and asked if the smell was gone and it wasnt but what was i supposed to say? the truth? like. perhaps it was cowardly and wrong of me to lie but i had already really hurt his feelings. and as i was beginning to write this post in my head way before i got to this part it made me think of a seinfeld bit of like. george asking jerry whats the social etiquette for how many dates you need to go on with a woman before ending it after you insulted her appearance in a vulnerable moment. 4. hes in recovery for his weed addiction and im addicted to weed 5. i dont like being at his house because of his tim roommate 6. he straight up told me he would lose attraction to me if i began dressing feminine. so......

[lucabyte]

HOWDY! *slams pile of papers on the desk* i have Inquiries. OKAY SO-

1.) i know the bridge between infurno and purrgatorio is Ali realizing they cant leave, so like, whats pawradisio???

2.) wtf happens ta Ali durin the 'age ???' section of their design timeline. what type cult stuff do they get involved w and how. its haunting me i needa know

3.) whats with the 3 year memory erasing thing in that one ali purrgatorio relationship chart. Really funny chart ive shared it w a few friends but also im staring intently at it like Huh What O_O

4.) what is mymk's final form? is it gonna be written, a comic, etc?

5.) got any music you associate w any mymk characters/ali? besides like, in canon reasons like Chrome more like any songs/artists/lyrics that remind u of anya em :0??

anyway yeah huge fan! also hope ur vacation's fun!

Hehe hi :)

1. We shall get there when we get there <3 my lips are sealed. Though I will say, there are further books by Dante one can animal-pun the titles of... Though they aren't part of the divine comedy..... (Alludes vaguely to plans that will inevitably take me years)

2. Okay so spoilers for Creature Feature, Ali's home setting (and @samhainian's thing) (because this is all a bit of an open secret) but Ali is, as I've alluded to previously, an Antagonist.

Creature Feature is a real world adjacent setting, set in our modern day, only with all manner of monsters and cryptids living secretly alongside humans. Ali lives in Wraithbrook, a hidden town populated primarily by monsters (albeit, most everyone still upholds a disguise, just in case). Being a (very) small town with an effectively captive population.... The post-high-school ennui tends to set in bad for people. Hope you enjoy the family businesses, kids.

So... This leaves the listless vulnerable. And boy is Ali a bit malleable. A trusted figure in their life takes advantage of this, part of an accellerationist group looking to break these confines, having singled them out as candidate for their most recent attempt to mold a magic user into a weapon to shatter the veil. And, well, if you've got a self-hating isolated guy who is predisposed to a bit of Catholicism already... Why not utilise the concept of the antichrist? They will be bringing a world together, in a way... And when you've been around as long as some immortal librarians have, doing a little bit of time dilation in the later stages of indoctrination isn't thaaaaat hard... Sooooo....

(But don't worry. They get better. Eventually. At least they look it. Everything is A-OK!!!)

(as for if purrgatorio is canon to this timeline....? Yes! But in a fucked up way! Can't make it too easy for the little guy....)

3. Okay so I was coy literally a sentence ago but yeah purrgatorio is set dead on like.. at the exact same time MYMK proper *should* start. Thus, it cannot exist at the same time as the main story... Ali's narrative powers keep them from being subsumed by the universe and just becoming a funny animal themselves.

But should a time come where Ali is *gone*, and the world is similar enough to the moments before they arrived? Well, the narrative can just pretend the time hasn't passed! Just, don't think too hard about your count of how many Halloweens and Christmasses you've had doesn't really line up....

(A normal person would simply name Purrgatorio noncanon, but hey, if Ali's whole thing is that they manipulate reality like a Narrative... Well. May as well use it! So once canon is over for both parties, things can start creeping back in. It's needlessly overcomplicated but I'm having fun)

4. Written with illustrations! An Online picture book, I suppose. I was initially damning myself to a comic, but after playing in the space with Purrgatorio, I realised I prefer prose. I'll probably write the thing in whole and then release it bit by bit as I work on the illustrations? I have a working outline as of right now and it's not a super long story lol. But its likely going to come after some practice with smaller projects like my reworking of Hazeclan and maybe Damonquest (name pending) (the latter featuring a cut main character of mymk lol)

So! ETA: a while. But we stay silly

5. OKAY.... so I can't link character playlists sadly since they don't exist (..... Yet.) and I'll stick primarily to our at present Purrgatorio cast.

I am like. Famously bad with identifying songs (<- usb stick full of songs on shuffle in the car as a kid) but I have been trying to put thought into this recently (my gold standard for this being my friend @teddymedley who's so good with character songs I did ask him for some vibe checks for this even)

So these are messy and some are like, inherited from earlier drafts of the characters so can be a bit off but I'll give a handful and their reasonings. (No links or embeds though I'm on mobile and Tumblr might eat my visibility if I do. I'll reply with some though)

[Ali Alighieri]

1. "Here comes the flood" by the Divine Comedy (self explanatory really, that animatic will exist someday I promise. This is THE big one to me, but @samhainian may have a different top spot opinion lol) Bonus: it has a demo version that also fucks supremely

2. "All the angels (demo)" by MCR. (Ali is not the MCR sibling, they're the P!ATD sibling. But I don't listen to panic lol)

3. "If you could save yourself you'd save us all" by Ween (peak "sorry what was that line just there?" song)

4. "In the meantime" by Spacehog (I like Spacehog. Everyone gets a spacehog song yaaay)

5. "Here comes the sun" cover by Ghost (not their style of music at ALL and you KNOW they're contrarian about the Beatles, but grim irony is such a vibe here)

[Chromium Mono]

1. "Manicure" by Lady Gaga (this is such a flippant "because I said so" choice lol)

2. "Let it grow" by Renaissance (this is such a nice cheesy song. I like to think of this as speaking to the actual nice loving guy chrome can be when he's not being a prickly bitch)

3. Kissing Ancaps by Patricia Taxxon (... GOD this song is way too cool or smart for chrome lol. It's a chrometab song to me because of the big words and cynicism. It's too modern and online for them but I'm attached to it... Also it contains a sample from let it grow)

4. "Run away with me" by Carly Rae Jepsen (more vibes based! Love some ms jepsen. But at least has a coherent theme wrt to eloping lol)

Bonus: oh god I really have to finish the voiceclaim video I was making. Premiere kept melting on me but I should probably let the world know chrome sounds like Donald Glover huh. The marshall lee to live action Simba pipeline.....

Bonus 2: @teddymedley suggested "Ratchet" by Bloc Party, with the phrasing "subject matter younger chrome sound older chrome" which I like!

[Tabitha Boss]

1. "Cable Rat King" by Gem Milsom (this one genuinely feels like a solid choice to me. It's polite and tentative and about depressive spirals, and is from the same album as the Number One Main Labyrinthine song, Pipes. That animatic will exist someday too I promise)

2. "This too shall pass" by OK GO (Preferably the brass band version. I think Tabitha would adore their videos, he'd be delighted by the moving parts and generally light tone. Also, Labyrinthine has a different "this too shall pass", being by Danny Schmidt)

3. "When will you die?" By TMBG (goofy song. But you get it.)

4. "Zeroes" by Spacehog (Spacehog again 👍)

Bonus: Jimmy buffet discography. He is living on island time baby

Bonus 2: @teddymedley assigned "Happy Hour" by Eels and I think the strange upbeat lethargic energy fits

[Lavender Wafeu]

Lavender is really funny because I honest to god don't think she listens to much music. This means I barely associate music with her apparently.

However @teddymedley did suggest "Black Rainbows" from Hawaii: Part 2, and I think that's better than any of my previous notes. Those previous notes being entirely the words "Little shop of horrors". She, Knives and Mafioso do also share an association with "Panda Hero" by Hachi but that's more visual to me?

I have however begun associating some Zelda OST tracks with her though... Hmmm....!

[Markus Felidae]

This poor bastard has shed and gained characterisation recently enough to have shook the MCR out of their system.... I don't have all that much for them.

Now. Hm. I think I'd have to go with some very on the nose musical tracks? My mind immediately goes to the opening track to Disney's Notre Dame, and maybe like, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer from Cats? These are such dreadful picks lol. Sorry buddy, characterisation overhaul syndrome. They probably also would listen to P!ATD same as Ali though so do with that what you will.

Bonus: in Markus' earliest iteration over 10 years ago..hrm. long story short, 121 guns is so fucking unfitting but it's lodged there forever lol

[Lupus Felidae]

Lupus is associated in my head with the kind of dub anime opening best codified by 4kids era Pokémon. Like the ideal song here is that one from Yugioh. "No matter what"? That kind of cheese and boyish power of friendship. "OK!!" From the JP endings of anipoke goes here too it's cute to me.

"I can go the distance" from Disney's Hercules is also up there for the same vibes. She's just silly and having fun!

Bonus: "Don't let's start" by TMBG is a Miao song to me, but in relation to her family. So it's also Lupus and Markus' by association.

[Ess Somil]

The idea of an ess playlist is hysterical to me. I feel like it's a Mother 3 battle theme in that man's head all the time. What's your time signature boy.

Anyway, "Numbers" by Neil Cicierega. Since it is overwhelming enough of a soundscape. Or just "Doctor Worm" by TMBG. For that they live in the soil.

.... And that's probably enough!!! This ask is very long now! Sorry it took a while to answer lmaooo. I've been very busy but it's been nice to chip away at during my downtime! Thank you so much for the questions :)

[marshmallowprotection]

my back has been hurting so bad recently (stress TT) and all ive been thinking about is a saeyoung massage

Saeyoung may not be the most dexterous guy in the world since he's sustained a lot of nerve damage in his hands, but that doesn't mean he's incapable of smoothing out those notches in your neck. Believe it or not, he's learned a thing or two from Vanderwood.

That guy knew how to get rid of pain in an instant, and it was obvious he learned because he had no other choice. Don't ask too hard, there are things the agency makes you learn for missions you don't want to go on but what you learn comes in handy later on. He's got plenty of skills like that himself.

He just wants to make sure you don't have to experience pain if there is something he can do to stop it, but while he can't stop what you've already experienced in life, he can minimize the aches now if you are comfortable with his touch.

The only thing he can do is make sure that when you experience pain, he's there to make that pain a little less awful. If the pain won't go away, you're going to be able to relax with his warm hands. He might joke about not being able to get that knot out of your back with both of his worn hands, but for whatever reason, he can does it every time. He doesn't give himself enough credit, but those knots? They are as good as gone, by friend!

It's also great therapy for his hands since he's bad about taking care of his own pain, and stretching these muscles is two birds one stone.

"Hey, hey, hey, you've got more knots in your back than the rope I tie to the end of my fishing line! We need to smooth those out as soon as possible. How else are I going to cast you into the water to win over a lot of tuna? Hehehe, relax. I'll do what I can okay, [Y/N]? I know a few things about massage."

[hwnglx]

can you do a current energy reading for bang chan? i’ve been pretty worried about him for a while now, he’s been pretty open about struggling lately and now with all of this recent stuff going on i’m just wondering how he’s doing with it all.

bangchan's current energy ﴾ may '23 based on tarot, take it with a grain of salt

10ofw&knofp, 2ofw&emper, 8ofsw, 5ofsw, 8ofp

the 10 of wands jumped out right away. chan can sometimes feel like he has the entire world on his shoulders. he's the type to make it look easy, but there's sooo much responsibility resting on him. i can really feel the weight of it while reading myself. however, combined with the slow, steady and stable knight of pentacles, i don't see the weight of it crushing him.

he's being patient. from this spread alone, i can tell that he exactly knows how to deal with burdensome periods, he's been through them many times before. he's experienced these type of struggles already, so it's nothing he can't handle.

he's a very wise, mature and assertive guy. he's taking charge of whatever situation is thrown at him, and is currently in the midst of carefully planning out his next steps. he's really saying "okay, this is what we're gonna do, this is what we are not gonna do." i even see his voice overpowering many higher ups. chan is definitely the main guy in not only his career, but also skz's careers.

you notice how i did not say anything about his mental state yet? that's because all the cards i got till later on, only show me his strength dealing with everything. i think, he has the toxic tendency to push everything concerning his own wellbeing to the complete background.

but, inside he's feeling some anxiety. honestly, i think this entire situation with ive made him overthink a lot. he feels like his intentions were misunderstood. he feels like there's this lack of power he has over people from the outside putting words in his mouth, it's causing a sense of hopelessness inside him. like, no matter what he says, he can't really win. chan being a double libra makes him soooo overly focused on being liked by everyone. he hates knowing that there's people who view him in a bad light now.

the eight of pentacles in the end is showing me, he's working hard. obv skz are preparing for their comeback, so i see most of his mind being there, but i can also see him at least trying to somehow work on his attitude towards situations like these. he's always focused on how to become a better influence on the people around him, so i see him working on overcoming these negative emotions he can hold on to sometimes.

something compelled me to pull out my moonology oracle deck and i pulled:

new moon in virgo: a time to give rather than take

-> he's overanalyzing things -> but gradual improvements are coming -> potential to fully restart in a clever and organized manner -> universe is telling him: "don't think about what others are doing to you, think about what you can do for them"

message that resonated most is: take care of your health!

he should eat better, have healthier routines, maybe seek out some therapy. i really see the universe telling him to get a counsellor, someone he can vent to freely.

[quinnhills]

Good to know you're feeling welcome! :D this is our little place in the internet, and we've decided to make it trans and gay as hell (n i gotta say, i did think "they-them gang! :o" when i found out you started using they/them too a while ago X3 ) n if you received this ask more than once, my tumblr bugged out before i could finish, sorry (。_。)

anyways, and sorry if this is long, but Woe- More Tumblr Things Be Upon Ye:

there used to not be an image limit before, causing a few- interesting posts… tho that changed a few years ago and recently, at first the limit being 10 images per post to now 30 images per post (you can also move the images around a bit)

if you plan on staying long term on tumblr and use desktop the most, i recommend getting the browser extensions Xkit &/or New Xkit cuz… yeah, tumblr is pretty nice, but it sometimes gets hard to use. it also adds extra useful things to the tumblr experience, which is nice to have. i'd say tumblr is like living in a cheap apartment in a calm area of the city. the place's great for what it is, just gotta be sure to leave rat traps near holes and dont worry about the Beast down the hall,

speaking of rats, we got an infestation. you may or may not have heard of it with the voter fraudage going with the polls a bit ago; since tumblr has little to No email verification, people outside tumblr buy bots to get in here and start posting malicious links. tho the bots are surprisingly easy to identify (often times blank blogs with very weird descriptions + stolen picture of lady or ai generated. you'll know it when you see it), and the protocol here is block and report spam so staff can deal with it

and btw if you want to keep a post for as long as your blog stands, i recommend rebloggin! thanks to how tumblr is build as, even if the original post or that blog is gone, the reblog will stay with you (+ tags on reblogs dont really make a post expand outside of your own blog, so many use this to create Very intricate personal tag systems to make easier finding posts, bc once a blog gets 1k+ post in it, it gets hard finding anything on it... <- knows this from experience u.u)

oh and last thing before i go again (and something i found out recently), another browser extension ive been loving: Stylus! with it you can customize a ton of sites to your liking And with a specific style found in the archive of this extension, you can change how the dashboard looks! even changing the background to any image you might want :D

so yeah, thats it, for now. i got more info if you want it, just lmk 👉👈

and you probably already noticed this, but there isnt really any word limit for posts or asks around these lands. tho on tags, the character limit on a single tag is 139. but you can put a Lot of tags, so there! be free mx quinn, no character limit holds you down no more ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ

Thank you so much for the knowledge!

Some Quinn Facts:

Mx., Ms. and Miss are all acceptable :)

I use “gay as hell” as a sort of tongue-in-cheek shorthand, but I also identify as trans as hell, queer as hell, non-binary as hell, lesbian as hell, and anxious/depressive as hell

I’m a vegetarian

My favorite food is pineapple pizza (controversial, I know)

For a few years in the early 2000s, I was a licensed auctioneer

The most times I’ve ever cried during a movie is 5 times during Happiest Season

I like the idea of books, but I’m bad at reading them

Overalls give me gender euphoria, and I don’t know why

I hope to release a solo album within the next year

I hope to direct a feature-length film by the time I’m 40

Coming out was the best thing I ever did

[cinnamonbunpuff]

november project pan update

month two into my first project pan journey, and it's definitely showing some results! there were some that are still a slow going, but i did consider one to be finished, which was great! i also decided to add smth else to the list in place, so hoping i can get through that one as well. other than that, not much exciting things lol.

thank you for reading (and following, if you are!) <3

comparison pics (oct vs nov) and reflections below the cut vvv

1. morphe 2, hint hint skin tint (hint of honey)

doesn't look like there was much progress on this, but compared to last month, it's about the same (and that checks out). this will definitely be a long pan, but overall it's so cool to think that i've already used that much, and im that much closer to the end! a slow move but it'll finish soon!

2. flower by drew, petal pout lip mask (berry-more)

i was looking back at october's post and im honestly really surprised with how much i used this! i've gotten to the point where i'm using this more subconsciously, but still with the goal to finish it off. and tbh i do like how this works with my lip liner lol. at this rate i think i may be finishing this in january, which seems really soon!

3. burt's bees, tinted lip balm (red dahlia)

okayyy i thought i could get every last bit of it out by scooping it but unfortunately that did not work :( it was a lil chunky and when i applied it the lip balm just mushed back down lol. anyways tho i did have this for like 1.5yrs, so i think it's time to throw this out and officially count it as a completion!

4. maybelline, the nudes eyeshadow

def one of the slower pans in my list but i think i can see some more progress! ive been using the bottom row second from left and the top left-most ones the most, but you may be able to see some progress in the other ones throughout. i did use a little of the black for halloween tho! idk how i'll get done with that tho :(

5. lakmé, absolute gloss artist eyeliner (black)

think i might be adding this eyeliner to the list, since i'm officially complete with the other lip balm! my mom gave this to me in the summer of 2022 when i first started getting into makeup, so i've def had this for a long time. i like it cause of the long handle and the felt-tip brush, but my mom gave me another one that i've been using way more recently. however i do think it's time to prolly clear this out from my collection soon just cause it's a lil old lol

this was a hard one to figure out how to track my progress, since it's an opaque bottle. i'm gonna try out just dipping toothpicks in and measuring like that, see if it works. if not, oh well! i'll mark it as complete when it feels completely dry. but as for now, november has 31mm of eyeliner juice left!

[wadesprincessboy]

TW: health concerns, doctors being assholes, vent / rant, long text post

Worried that i may be developing tardive dyskinesia- im on antipsychotic meds and have been for years now, i take a very low dose but have a lot of side effects already and now im getting facial tics relatively often....tho i also get other tics so maybe its some other thing, but ALL my tics are centred around my head/neck/face area. I should see a doctor but a few years ago i was getting vocal tics and facial tics and asked my doctor about it and he said it was just anxiety and its "common for teenage girls to think they have tics because its trendy on social media" so idk. Hes not my doc anymore but i dont trust doctors to really listen to me about my symptoms.

Also been getting migraines all the time, bad pains each month, dizziness, the shakes, and seeing stars and feeling faint and nauseous.....most symptoms of genetic conditions that run in the family, such as diabetes, and pcos, and migraines. Again, i should see a doctor but-

My GP is transphobic and fatphobic and rather rude and ableist which baffles me since shes a DOCTOR. Shes also my mums GP and she constantly tells her she needs to lose weight or have weight loss surgery and that shes not really disabled (she has EDS, POTS, fibro, CFS, amongst other things) shes just lazy and using "buzz words" from the internet (shes had these conditions since before the internet was invented ffs, she just finally has words to describe her symptoms since those conditions weren't widely talked about until recently)!!! The doc also refuses to use my pronouns despite having asked me in the first place or listen to me when I ask about medical transition. She also refuses to acknowledge my chronic pain and menstruation problems (cause of my pain, its constant, and so is the bleeding....also pmdd) saying "all girls feel that way" (um sorry? No? No other girls i know spend weeks with excruciating pain and cant leave the house due to pain and bleeding for at least a week per month if not more. No other girls i know end up in a psych ward because of how bad their suicidal ideation gets before their period is due.). She also refuses to listen to my mum when she peaks on my behalf due to verbal shutdown in the doctors office and inability to make phone calls due to it triggering shutdowns as well, she says im old enough to talk so i need to be in control (i am. I control what my mum says on my behalf. I tell her before we go in what i need to say, and she relays that. I nod or shake my head or shrug to her so she knows my answer to questions. I have a system of taps or sometimes text her to tell her to stop talking or say something further. I AM communicating, i just shut down verbally and cannot communicate to anyone but her when at a doctor appointment) and she won't listen to what my mum says, and asks us to leave when i dissociate and ignore all attempts at communication when she insists i verbally speak to her (at that point, nothing will work, because i feel incredibly pressured and then wont communicate at all to anyone, and often melt down or panic).

^ and no, just cant get a new GP. My current one is an hours drive away because there are none taking new patients in my area, and im out of zone for all the youth services due to my town bordering two regions. If theres any taking patients then its either more than an hour away and simply impractical to get there when needed, or it costs too much to get an appointment. Not to mention my communication struggles are worse with new people, especially doctors, and ive had the same doctor since birth so :/

I also dont have a counsellor or psychiatrist because despite having specific funding for it, there are none in my area! I had a great one then she quit, and the CAMHS one fired me for not speaking (??????) and again, new people? Hard.

Fuck I hate this and my developing health problems. I was healthy my entire life, like i didnt even get a cold more than once every couple years!!! I always had mental health problems but never physical. Now i feel like shit constantly. It all started with puberty which is also when yk, doctors decided that everything was "teenage girl syndrome" or just anxiety 🙄