#ive been thinking a lot about this and maybe getting engaged

[toffeeinhun]

Idk why but ive been thinking about junho's relationship with inho's wife

We don't really know much about inho and his wife's relationship but I like to think they met in their early 20s so she was always pretty much around for junhos whole life

They adored each other. Maybe at first little junho was jealous someone else had his brother's attention but he got over it pretty fast because she was so sweet and he got double the attention and she also wouldn't get in the way of the two brothers spending quality time together

When junho started getting sick she helped take care of him just as much as inho did. She did her best to try to make it easier for inho and their mother

Junho was really excited when they got engaged because now she'd officially be part of the family

I think he'd like to help her look at wedding stuff

He would sleep over inho's house sometimes and inho would have to deal with her and junho ganging up on him to tease him

When she got sick junho was devastated. He tried being supportive for inho but inho could tell how much it was affecting junho too

Junho was with her when she died

He visits her grave every year on the anniversary of her death but also on her birthday or when he's feeling particularly sad about inho

And because I can't resist i gotta add some 457 headcanons :>

After inho and gihun get together junho is conflicted

He and gihun of course get along and he likes gihun a lot but he's never seen his brother with anyone else before

Inho (and gihun) are confused at first why junho is acting weird about their relationship but junho finally admits it's because he feels like inho is replacing his wife

He knows it's not logical to feel that way and he wants inho to be able to move on and be happy, he was just never able to fully process everything and couldn't move on himself

Junho is also happy to see gihun happy so he gives them his blessings and while it takes some adjustment for him, he is genuinely happy to see both of them happy

Of course junho and gihun also gang up to tease inho

Junho will sometimes tell gihun about the times junho and inho's wife used to tease inho, and junho and gihun will laugh at inho's embarrassment lol

[please-picturemeintheweeds]

Evermore anon, I just reblogged @wavesoutbeingtossed’s brilliant posts of that exact theme! YES something about all of this and the weight of forever, the reality of a a future that forces a person to get truly philosophical about joining together two humans in such a final and intimate ceremony. That introspection can recomtextualize a lot of relationship stuff that maybe felt more symbolic or abstract until it’s Happening.

[orcelito]

Just finished rereading ITNL chapter 2 again

Yknow, it's long felt like a weaker chapter to me, especially compared to chapter 1. It's a Necessary chapter, but it's basically an entire chapter of introspection. Add in the fact that I wrote it in a single day and was half falling asleep by the end of editing it, but pressing onwards anyways bc I wanted So Badly to get it out that night...

The Legato part was the weakest for that. I remember staring at it and breaking my brain just trying to make it sound better before just giving up and posting. But when I worked on my full-fic re-edits about.. a year ago now? A year and a bit. I think it was October ish of 2023. But I focused on that part again, trying to get it up to my standards to be satisfied with it.

Coming back to it after some number of months, my brain relatively fresh, I think I actually did a pretty decent job. Despite being an introspective chapter, it really drives home how Wrecked vash is about it all. I like to say that chapter 1 is like a thesis to the fic, where you get vash's goals laid out pretty clearly (him picturing the things he wants to fix + him picturing his dream of having all the people he loves around a table with him, including Knives. It serves as motivation for him jumping back in time in the first place and it remains his driving force throughout the fic). In contrast, chapter 2 is... almost a secondary thesis. We see his doubt, his fears, his panic. We see the things that he's going to be struggling with throughout the whole fic. His wish to handle it all on his own, as well as how overwhelming it all is to him. Chapter 2 is the necessary second side to chapter 1's thesis, showing the weakness in his own strength and drive.

The cracks in his own unstoppable force.

Idk it's just interesting to me. Having been away from it long enough, I think I really do appreciate chapter 2 after all.

[dashiellqvverty]

i will just never understand being Like This about a ship. girl why are you bringing mickey into this this isnt about him! he's not even here!

[dyketennant]

idk i think i should start masking again 🤠 (i mean the autism i already wear a face mask)

[criminalminds4eva]

secret polaroids - spencer reid

summary: secretly dating your coworker, when it all coomes to light due to a blurry polaroid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader

“wait, whos in the picture behind your phonecase?!”

doctor spencer reid, the genius with an eidetic memory, one of the fbi’s brightest minds, your coworker. who you’ve been secretly going out with for the last couple of months

it all happend over spilled coffee, you had been rushing over to the office, holding cups of coffee for the team working on a case out of town. as a new member of the team you wanted to make a good impression, hell maybe suck up to them a little.

so when you walk in the precint and spill the coffee all over your clothes, the work of a small town cop running into you, spencer offers to drive you to the hotel, to change into clean clothes.

“that was so embarrasing god what an idiot” you said covering your flushed face as spencer drove to the hotel

“the cop ran into you, besides you were doomed from the start carrying 8 cups of coffee in the same hand, and statistically speaking, it's actually quite common to spill coffee, especially when multitasking or under stress, the brain can only process a limited amount of information at once, which leads to small errors in motor control.” spencer looked over at you and chuckled

"you know it amazes me how much information you have stored up in your brain, i mean i know about the phd´s and everything but still its so amazing" you said looking over at him as he parked in front of the hotel, you can see his cheeks start to form a little red to them and naturally yours do too

and after that, a couple of weeks later full of small glances, smiles and of derek telling him how painfully obvious it was that he likes you and liked him. he asked you out

"you know people who share common interests and engage in meaningful conversation tend to form stronger connections and, well, i really enjoy talking with you, so i was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me sometime? i promise i won’t ramble about statistics the entire time" he said as he tried to hide the blush in his face so the rest of the team wouldnt know what the both of you were talking about in your desk

"spence, id love nothing more than to hear you ramble over dinner"

one dinner became two then three, then you found yourself kissing him goodnight as he dropped at the door to your apartment

he leans in slightly, hesitating for a brief moment, as if calculating the perfect timing and then gently kisses you

"i really enjoyed tonight" you said after the kiss "would you like to come in for a drink?"

he pauses for a moment, trying to think clearly then says "id love too"

after a while you both end up getting wine drunk in your apartment floor, which leads to the decision of your bringing out your polaroid camera

"come on spence smile for the camera" you laughed trying to get him to take his hands off his face but he wouldnt so you snap the picture anyway

"alright enough, your turn" he said taking the camera from your hands and taking a couple of pictures of you.

he wobbles a little setting his wine glass down in the counter, eyes half-focused but full of affection. "you know,ive been thinking, well, not just tonight, but, like a lot. you’re amazing and smart, and funny, and so beautiful and i think your definetly out of my league and if i were to kiss you then go to hell, i would. so then i could brag to the devils i saw heaven without entering" He fumbles over his words, blinking slowly, but his sincerity is clear. "maybe you could, um, be my girlfriend? statistically, we’re, uh, compatible, and I think we could you know be really happy together what do you say?" he offers a lopsided smile, clearly a bit nervous despite the alcohol.

his rambling takes you back "did you just quote shakespeare to me?" you chuckled as you leaned in to kiss him once more

"is that a yes i take it?" he said kissing you back

"yes doctor reid, i want to be your girlfriend" his eyes wide open to your response, and for a moment hes speechless, he laughs nervously rubbing the back of his neck and grabs the camera once more

"come on we are taking our first official dating picture" he smiles shyly but brightly taking a blurry polaroid of the two of you in front of the mirror

the two of you knew it was better to keep the relationship private, spencer's face flushed when you mentioned the thought of how derek would tease him, or how he wouldnt hear the end of it from garcia being all happy for the both of you. knowing they wouldnt do it to harm either of you but since this was quite new and being coworkers, you decided to keep it private but not a secret. the team knew spencer was seeing someone, emily said his face seemed brighter and suddenly he couldnt stay overtime to finish the files jj had sneeked him in his desk. and they knew you were seeing someone too since garcia said she caught you smiling while you were texting, they hoped you guys were seeing each other but since neither of you ever mentioned the date or maybe it was the fact that you really were able to mantain a professional front while working, they hadnt been able to fully catch on that you were dating spencer

that was until you decided to put the blurry polaroid of the night he asked you to be his girlfriend behind your phone case

"wait who's in the picture behind your phone case?" penelope squealed with exciment catching the attention of the rest of the team

"is that your boyfriend y/n, do i officially have no chance with you" chuckled derek leaning against your desk as you nervously took your phone from garcia

"oh come on now she will tell us when she wants too" emily approached then took your phone from your hands "besides you cant really tell who it is in the picture" as she looked at the picture trying to figure it out despite your efforts to take the phone from her hands.

derek stood beside her also looking at the picture "hey but doesnt it kind of look like.."

"morning what are we looking at" spencer appeared at your desk, his face blushing when he saw the picture emily and derek were looking at, they looked at spencer, then looked at you burying your face in your hands

"oh my god, no way really?!?" garcia said with a bright smile "doctor love oh my god i cant belive it" she said hugging spencer

"so i guess the cat is out of the bag huh?" you said looking at spencer

"you owe me 20 bucks i told you they were dating" emily said playfully punching derek in the shoulder

"wait you guys had bets on this" spencer said laughing nervously letting go of the hug with garcia

"well pretty boy we didnt actually think you would even ask her out how long has this been going on for" said morgan looking playfully hurt "baby girl let them breathe" he said pulling garcia from you

"a couple of months" you mentioned letting go of the hug with a cheesy smile

"alright, we have a case" said rossi joining the team by your desk. the team grins weider as they notice spencer blushing as he stands next to you "were really happy, for the both of you" said derek as they started to walk away. you get up from your desk following the team and squeeze your boyfriends hand, a signal that all was well

"did you really think we wouldnt figure it out?" rossi raised his eyebrows as he looked at spencer watching walk away while the team playfully teased you "im happy for you kid" rossi patted him on the back

spencer shakes his head with a half-laugh trying to hide the blush in his face as they joined everyone.

⋆｡°✩

a/n: feedback would be super appreciated, i hoped you enjoyed reading <33

[cyberm4n]

HI I LOVED UR HYPERSEXUAL FEM READER HEADCANONS UR WRITING IS SO GOOD

Soo I'm here to request the vees (mainly vox but idc) x hypersexual Fem reader pleasee 😭🙏

if not that's okay and I hope you have a nice day/night!! feel free to delete this lol

-xoxo, Ari

THANK YOU <3333 i love the vees and ive been looking for an excuse to write them so this is perfect

vees with hypersexul reader

going with the same scenario as last time- you've just finished a round and (char) is spent but you're already ready to go again

《— vox —》

■ he seems like a 2 rounds kinda guy so after that second round and yall are just laying there he is SPENT

■ so when you roll over to lay on his chest like "one more time?" with a little smile on your face, as if yall did not just violently fuck it takes him a moment

■ he's spent, so spent. but he really wants to please you

■ he'd get used to it tbh. like he's mentally prepared everytime now but maybe sometimes he can do a round 3

■ he'd resort to toys i think, only the best for his girl <3

■ there's also something he loves about getting to hold you and watch you writhe in pleasure and he just gets to watch

■ he'd always take your preferences into mind with toys too. like if you want smth specific he's got it for you

■ i feel like he might prefer if yall are spent at the same time so the foreplay goes CRAZY

■ like it's not just foreplay it's actual rounds of getting you to cum before the main event yk

■ or sometimes he'll just ask if it'd be okay to be done for the night when he is

■ he doesn't mind either way but he'd definitely want to communicate about it

■ so yeah it might take him a little bit to adjust bit he'd be just fine!

《— valentino —》

■ okay let's be real this man fucks A LOT so he can probably do like. 3 or 4 lengthy rounds before he's tapped out

■ it's making me giggle about it but like okay val is a kinky guy, and like especially if the first time yall do anything it's a little bit rougher he is SHOCKED when you're down for more

■ he's prly into something like overstim where normally you kinda gotta reel from it after so when he's done and it takes you like. a minute or two to be like "do you wanna do it again?" he judt looks down at you so confused

■ he takes a moment, blinking. he'd definitely ask if you're kidding or smth and then finding out you're not he has to take a moment

■ like, he finds it fucking awesome but jesus christ he's finally met hsi match

■ he might use toys on you or go down on you, depends how he's feeling tbh

■ i think he'd lean towards going down on you, idk he just seems like he'd be a bit of a munch.

■ and if you're okay with it when yall fuck in the future he's constantly just seeing how far you can go before you're spent

■ long story short he's totally chill abt it when he gets used to it and thinks it's fucking great

《— velvette —》

■ okay im literally giggling and kicking my feet while typing this

■ she seems like a 2 or 3 round kind of gal

■ idk femxfem sex doesn't really go in rounds ime but like. yk.

■ so after she's spent, she's like so ready to cuddle up and sleep. but then you're caressing her cheek, nuzzling into her neck. "again?" you murmur and she has to take a moment

■ cause like, she's just super surprised you're still ready for another.

■ she'd ask the most questions abt it. like she'd want to just know more so she can support you better

■ she'd go down on you tho! anytime! she definitely has toys but she seems like the type to be more inclined to eat you out

■ if she gets tired of that she'd use a toy on you. but she stays engaged the whole time, super attentive.

■ she's a service switch so like getting to keep you pleased like this makes her feel good and she doesn't mind at all

■ once again, all of them would embrace it and they do not mind at all!

■ if you guys with the poly hc for the vees i think it just makes it so much better for them to know it's really hard to burn you out

■ i loved this request ty <3

taglist: @reaper-of-light-12 @mxxny-lupin @wisteria-songs @t3llas @concentratedconcrete @pansexual-opera-house @dionysusismypatrongod

taglist form

[kkalimarii]

a marvel rivals post in the middle of a hiatus (?)

hi y’all :>

it hasn’t been that long since i made my semi-hiatus post, but ive been drawing here and there on occasion. i’ve been really into marvel rivals and recently i just hit gm in this game :D

- on twst

to be honest, as much as i love twst and the fandom, i think drawing fanart for it so often (and it being the only thing i draw) made art really stale for me. ive been staying away from drawing twst because it gives me a lot of art block

i know that everyone that follows me is apart of the twst fandom, and out of the love of the game i still will draw twst artwork, but i think i might begin to deviate. it will definitely be more artworks outside of the twst fandoms

if my interests no longer align with yours that’s totally understandable! i don’t want to fill your feed with things you’re not interested in ^^;

- miscellaneous works

i’ve actually started to create my own OCs with their own story and background (not related to twst). i’ve been thinking about posting them but it’s just not fleshed out enough to post imo

it’s kind of funny because one of them has a haircut similar to magik here

-thoughts about being an artist

so if you’ve read this far, thank you so much for listening <3. if you draw, or are an artist, i’ve learned some things about myself lately that i’d like to share.

i think the reason art got really stale for me was that i was pumping out fanarts every other day. and they weren’t just short sketches or anything, most of them are completed, fully rendered artworks. i didn’t genuinely give myself time to enjoy my art in it’s incomplete, sketchy forms. or where i could try interesting poses or facial expressions because i was focused on creating a “product”, something that’s perfected.

in this artwork, there was no lineart, it was just sketch and then color and slight render. this fanart was extremely fun for me to do and i enjoyed the process a LOT

another thing i’ve been struggling with is the idea of deviation. on this app and on tiktok i don’t get a lot of engagement from posting things outside of twst. it feels a little demotivating, and it’s no one’s fault, it’s simply how niche communities work. i absolutely love this fandom and everyone in this community has been nothing but kind to me :) however, because i kind of put myself in this box, it’s harder for me to feel brave enough to continuously post art of my other interests that i desperately want to draw.

even artists that i see on tiktok or on other social media platforms that are waaaaayyy more skilled than i am struggle to gain a following if they don’t exclusively post art for a fandom

so i’m probably going to start from the ground up, and just draw things i like and hopefully you guys will like too (and it’s totally cool if it’s not your cup of tea!). i still have a lot to improve on with my art and i think i need to lowkey go back to basics as well.

ok hopefully ill post again soon (?) maybe

love u all <3

[loycos]

can you elaborate on the gfms being scams? everyone else ive seen having even the slightest amount of doubt about them has been immediately accused of personally murdering people but it all just feels so suspicious to me.

Lets start with this: anyone asking for money online you should be skeptical of. Think of how easy it wouldve been for you to pull off something like this scam. all you have to do is say youre from *enter compromised topical area here*, look for some pictures\videos on facebook\tiktok (a lot of the time they arent even from where they claim they are, a lot of footage you see from gaza was actually taken in syria years ago), make up a name and boom. you have the perfect side hustle.

and being that gofund me does not operate in israel or palestine the fundraiser would have to be conducted by a third party, the scammers themselves are not claiming to be organizations acting on behalf of gazans. they are claiming to be the palestinians themselves using false names, spamming posts that engage with 'free palestine' related tags. you already know the person you give the money to ISN'T the person who "made the post". you have to trust that third party is going to transfer the money to that person the post claims to be. and thats already shady AF. not to mention, that third party isn't even a PERSON. theyre a bot! theyre already lying on 2 fronts- pretending to be the person in that troubled area, and pretending to be a PERSON AT ALL.

there has been a post going around that showed that most of the "vetting" accounts are bots themselves, or are just tumblr users (that again, DO YOU KNOW THESE PEOPLE??) who claim that the post is totally real guys! just trust me on it bro :)

DO YOU KNOW ANY OF THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE "VETTING" ON THIS???

there ARE ways to donate to that cause, that are verified and are related to official organizations. they just don't post their links on TUMBLR.

and the fact i have to sit down and write 5 paragraphs explaining that maybe not everything u see on the interwebs is REAL while some person can set up 100 bots to spam u with the lowest effort lie ive ever seen and just get away with it is RIDICULOUS. the fact that telling people that theyre being scammed is seen as some immoral thing to do is ridiculous. U MAKE SCAMMERS RICH AT THE EXPENSE OF VULNERABLE PEOPLE. stop. being. stupid.

[lazarusrisingx]

Power surge PT1

Yandere big brother!caleb x non-mc reader

Tw: porn with some plot. Incest, brat tamer Caleb, mean dom caleb, size kink, overstimulation, punishment, petplay, using toys on reader, fingering, breeding kink, yandere caleb, degradation, impact play

Summary: you move in with your older brother since your college is out for the summer, you dont think Caleb would remain the same overbearing, overprotective older brother that he always was when you were kids, so you decide to stay out late one night. 

note: i havent written smut in a while so lemme know what yall think! if this does good ill probs make a part two. ive been working on this for a few days now so yippee!

Skyhavens night life was quite different than that of linkon cities. It was safer. The armed patrol men stood every hundred feet, cop cars patrolled at regular intervals, and every bar had a bouncer. You weren't very shocked, it was a smaller area than lincoln, the resources needed for constant patrols was significantly less than what linkon would need. 

You had decided to go out with a few college friends. A few drinks and a little dancing never hurt anything, did it? It had been about a month since you had seen them last, staying at Caleb's house was nice but it did leave you a bit isolated from your besties. Who could blame you for wanting to get out and have some fun?

So now, it was well past midnight, and after a lot more than just a few drinks, you struggled to enter the code to get into Caleb's house. With one hand on the door, heels beside your aching feet on the ground, you hunched over the scanner, scowling at the little red dot as it continued to flash. 

After your third attempt, a sharp chirping sound came from the code pad, the screen flashed with a security alert, and you could hear the other locks engaging on the door. 

“Shit.” you muttered. 

Caleb had more security than he needed. After 3 failed attempts the house would go into lockdown mode. Extra locks engaging on every door and every window, cameras would begin to film in high resolution with color and audio, if you did manage to make it into the house a message would be sent to the nearest cop cars to come to this location. 

Dizzy, you step back, the cold concrete gritted into the soles of your bare feet as you bring out your phone. Caleb was most likely asleep by now, but it would be worth it to give him a call.

The phone had hardly gotten through its first ring when the front door was swung open. Startled, you stumbled back a little bit and looked up to see Caleb, there was a cold look on his face and his eyes bore into yours. 

“Inside.” he grunted, he stooped to pick up your shoes, and when you didnt move he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the house himself. 

The lockdown was quickly uninitiated, Caleb tapped a few buttons on his phone to make it go away before locking the door again. You stepped into the hallway, a bit uncomfortable by how angry he looked. Caleb never mentioned you had to be home by a certain time. Maybe you had woken him up out of his sleep?

“Sorry Caleb, it was terrible trying to get a cab.” you said, trying to steady your voice so he didn't know you were drunk. 

Caleb stayed quiet as you walked for the couch, tripping over the edge of the carpet and catching yourself on the armrest of a leather chair. 

“Do you have any idea how damn late it is?” Caleb asked. There was an angry edge to his voice, cold and steely. You had only heard him use this tone when you had fucked up badly, or when he was in ‘colonel-mode’ as you liked to call it. 

“Relax caleb im out this late often.” you muttered, you walked around the couch and sat, letting out a satisfied groan to be off your feet. 

“Really? Till’ 3am? Do you have any idea how dangerous it is for you to be out wandering alone? Without any damn shoes? Drunk?” Caleb asked. His voice began to raise as he stood in front of you. 

You massage your temples and shake your head, annoyance beginning to seep into you. 

“You've always been like this Caleb, can't you just chill? God damn you're annoying sometimes. I'm not little anymore! I have a knife, and the pepper spray you bought me.” you reasoned. 

Caleb shook his head, his arms folded and he glared down at you. 

“That isn't gonna stop someone if you're too drunk to realize they've been sneaking up on you.” he replied. 

You waved a hand at him, turning away and pulling out your phone. 

“Go to bed caleb, we arent fucking kids anymore i dont have or need a curfew.” you responded. 

As the phone screen lit up, Caleb stepped forward, snatching your phone from your hand. You tried to snatch it back, but he put his mechanical arm on your shoulder, pushing you into the couch as he peered into your eyes. 

“Clearly you need one because you're too stupid to realize there are awful people even here in Skyhaven. What if you went home with someone? Huh? You're just gonna sleep with me’? Just gonna give it to some random guy like a damn whore?” he said. 

You were a bit shocked, and it showed on your face, Caleb shook his head. 

“What the fu-”

“Dont give me that ‘oh what the fuck caleb’, no, you go out, you get drunk, and you make mistakes. Mistakes like sleeping with some random guy and not-” he cut himself off this time. 

You narrowed your eyes at him. The two of you argued quite a bit, but you hadn't had an argument this tense for a long time. Caleb squeezed his eyes shut and sighed. 

“I'm not going out to sleep with anyone because you make it sound like I'm a whore! And I don't have rules anymore Caleb, not for a long time!” you said. 

Caleb clenched his jaw, and opened his eyes to peer down at you. 

“Really? You think things changed just because you moved away?" Caleb asked. 

He inched in a little closer, the phone in his hand fell onto your lap, now empty he placed his hand on the other side of your body, caging you against the couch. His mechanical arm shifted its position, now grasping onto your forearm. The cool metal vibrated slightly against your skin, the fingertips pressed into your flesh ensuring you couldn't move anywhere. 

“Yeah. thats kinda how becoming an adult works you fuckin’ idiot.” you spat back. 

Caleb's nose twitched and he suddenly smirked. 

“Really? So that's what you wanted tonight right? To go out and get fucked? Tell me lil’ sis, how'd that go over when we lived with gran again? You remember that?” he asked. 

His voice was quieter now, a lingering threat behind it as you remembered what he spoke about. It was something the two of you swore to never speak about again. The thought of it made your cheeks flush and your stomach squeezed. 

“Sh-shut up, fuckin’ weirdo that not-”

“Oh so you do remember right? You know what being a brat gets you? If I recall , my little punishment kept you quite satisfied. I can even distinctly remember a few times after, comin’ in my room with your cheeks red, asking-no begging me t-”

“I said shut up!” you responded, cheeks now bright pink, your hand shot up to clamp over his mouth, but Caleb dodged it with a sly grin. He gripped your arm tighter and pulled you off the couch and to your feet. 

“See you made a mistake tonight you know that.” Caleb said, your back was facing him, your shoulders pressed into his chest as he snaked an arm around your waist. Your heart hammered, but you didn't stop him, one part curious, another part paralyzed. A heat bloomed between your legs, memories of secret, forbidden nights with Caleb coming back all at once. 

You had tried to forget them. Ashamed of what the two of you had done, and the other part of you missed it. Maybe that's why you couldn't bring yourself to go to more than second base with anyone since moving. 

“C’mon don't go quiet on me now pip-squeak, you were such a brat earlier, where'd that fight go hm?” he asked. His head dipped down, his breath lilted over your neck as he chuckled. 

Caleb pushed the two of you forward, you were stumbling over your feet being guided by him, a mixture of drunkenness, and the face Caleb was so close behind you. 

“You're a bastard.” you mumbled back to caleb. 

Another laugh escaped Caleb, he leaned down, sweeping your legs out from under you and carrying you bridal style. He took one look at your face and shook his head as he walked down the hallway, down to your bedroom. 

“Y’know i found something while you were gone.” he said. 

You stared at him curiously, glancing around your room as the two of you entered it. 

“What do you mean?” you asked. 

He stayed silent as he set you on the bed, gentle as ever. Caleb turned, and walked to the dresser, pulling open your panty drawer and rifling around. 

“Hey wait! You fuckin’ creep dont look in there!” you said. You stood up, realizing what he was talking about, and tried to grab Caleb away. 

An invisible force pushed you back towards the bed, Caleb's Evol held you in place as he produced a few barbie pink toys from your drawer. 

“These are pretty new pip-squeaks. Did you buy them just for me to find?” he asked. There was a hint of amusement in his voice, his eyes gleamed devilishly as he faced you. 

Your face burned with embarrassment not a single comeback came to mind as he got closer, turning your vibrator around in one hand and looking it over. You didn't even think about the fact that he must've been rifling through your panty drawer earlier. He saw all the pretty lace lingerie you had, the pairs of thongs, silky bras. You were desperately trying to think of something to say, your mouth opened and closed as Caleb stared expectantly at you. When you were silent, he sighed, and took another step forward, this time looking over the dildo you had stashed away. 

“Y’know lil’ sis’ i will say this surprised me. A vibrator is one thing, but a dildo? Your little fingers couldn't reach far enough when you were pumping your cunt hm? I mean, this is quite small, you know it never feels as good as your big brother right? Or is this all that pretty pussy of yours can handle since I haven't been there to stuff that tiny hole?” caleb asked. 

You looked away. “I-shut up caleb! I-i just needed some help is all. Im not-i dont go out just to have sex you were wrong about that okay? Just put them away! Fuckin’ pervert!” you responded. 

Caleb closed the distance between you two, sitting on the bed and letting your toys fall into your lap, all of them except the dildo, he looked it over, unimpressed. 

“Really? Have you had sex with anyone since you left?” he asked. 

The question hung in the air, waiting for a response. You didn't want to answer. It was a bit embarrassing, quite frankly. It's not like you didn't have plenty of opportunities to sleep with someone. It's just that… you didn't. 

“Have you?” you questioned back, trying to get around answering caleb. 

“No.” he responded quickly. Caleb leaned towards you as you looked back at him in surprise, a small smile on his face. 

“Does that shock you pip-squeak?” he asked. 

You nodded. Caleb's friends always made it seem like he was some sort of womanizer. They talked about him always taking a girl home and coming back quite late in the night afterwards. There was even a rumor in high school that he slept his way through the cheer team. 

“You didn't answer my question though. Did you sleep with anyone else? Or… have you been waiting for your dear brother to come and take care of you again? You know you could've just asked right?” Caleb said. 

There was a hint of desperation in his voice, he was staring so intensely at you that you wouldn't think for a moment. His lilac eyes filled with a mixture of sadness and pleading. He wanted your response quite badly. 

“I-i don't think i need to caleb, it-it's not important okay just, lets go to bed.” you responded. 

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head. Caleb sat up a bit, climbing onto the bed as his evol released you from your held position. You attempted to stand up, but a strong arm wrapped around your waist and dragged you into Caleb's lap. You sat facing away from him, head pressed into his chest as he clicked his tongue with disappointment. 

“No no, i want answers from you.” he responded, his arm held you in place, his legs settled between yours, jutting out to make your thighs part, the hem of your dress slid up your thighs. A small noise of surprise escaped as he did this. 

“What do you think you're doing caleb!” you exclaimed. He remained silent, his non-mechanical arm reached out and easily brushed the tender flesh of your thigh. His muscles tensed under you, and you could feel a growing hard-on pressing into your back. 

“You won't gimme an answer, and you've been such a damn brat all night. What do you think I'm doing princess?” he asked quietly. 

Butterflies erupted in your belly, you squirmed in his arms and he only held you tighter, his biceps bulged against you as a quiet laugh vibrated through you. 

“Still so small, it's like fighting with a little puppy, you know that? I mean, at one point I thought you might grow a little more, get some more muscle, but here you are still just so tiny up against me.” Caleb said. 

“Shut up! Caleb, stop being a pervert!” you said. 

He placed his chin on top of your head, his hand suddenly grabbed the fat of your thigh and squeezed painfully, eliciting a whimper and stopping your movements. Caleb stiffened underneath you and you felt his erection twitch in his pants. 

“Do that again princess.” he asked, squeezing your thigh a little harder. 

Another whine, a little louder this time, and you started to squirm. 

“That hurts stupid!”

Caleb shook his head, sighing in frustration at your struggle. 

“C’mon stay still, be a good girl for your big brother alright? Just take your punishment properly and I might go easy okay?” he pleaded. 

His voice oozed with a sympathetic, almost apologetic tone. His hand caressed the now sore part of your thigh, his hands were a lot bigger, and much more calloused now. The sensation was pleasant, making you pause your struggle against him for a moment. You tried to look up at him, catching a glimpse of his lust filled eyes. He stared down at you like you were prey caught in a trap, his eyes never left your thighs as he continued to gently massage you. After a moment he dragged his eyes down to your face. 

“What a good little sister, so calm for me now…” he cooed. The arm holding you in place moved upwards a bit, when the two of you wrestled as kids he always put you in a headlock, this position reminded you a bit of that. 

“Caleb…” you whined quietly. He raised an eyebrow glancing at your slowly parting legs. Your core was throbbing now. You hardly noticed until now how worked up he was getting you. Just by gently massaging your legs. 

His fingers trailed downwards, leaving chills in their wake. You shivered slightly, shutting your eyes as you took a deep breath, prepared to feel his fingers slowly pull away your panties. 

God you don't know how long you had been waiting for this. Whether consciously or not, your body was so excited to feel his familiar touch again. You waited, feeling his hands draw closer to your clothed pussy, wetness had dampened your panties already, a surge of embarrassment ran through you as you thought about how wet he got you. 

You opened your mouth to speak, but the words were robbed from you as a sudden smack came across your thigh. A loud cry left your mouth, and you bucked slightly from the pain, trying to move away from the cruel hand now aiming for your other thigh. 

“W-wait caleb-”

“You were so bad earlier, you didn't think I'd forget right? You thought I'd let you off easily cause you spread your legs for me like a slut huh?” Caleb asked. 

Another smack, this time bringing tears to your eyes and a whimpering moan. The pain stung deliciously, your core throbbed with need as you tried to slam your legs shut. It only earned another slap, and soon an invisible force pulled you up. Caleb stayed under you, and guided you back down to the bed, this time your face was pressed into the comforter, your ass was across his lap and received a gentle massage. 

“You need a good punishment. Been able to be a fuckin’ brat for so long havent you? Don't worry pip-squeak your big brother knows exactly what you need to behave." Caleb replied. 

Smack! His palm came down roughly on your ass, a cry escaped you and you tried to pull away from Caleb. He was still so much stronger than you. He put a hand around the back of your neck, holding you down with just a bit of force, another smack, followed by a volley of cruel spanks against your ass. 

Tears pricked out of your eyes, you could only whine and cry out, your voice muffled slightly by the bed underneath you. 

“Oh I know princess, it hurts doesn't it?” Caleb cooked. His voice dripped with faux sympathy. He was always so cruel like this. 

A muffled yes came from you, only to turn into a yell as he slammed his palm against your ass as hard as he could. The smack echoed in the room, and you felt like you were going to see stars. The breath was knocked out of you as it came again, and again, and again. Your dress did little to soften the blow, and after the third smack, Caleb dragged the skirt over your ass to admire the now bright red handprints he had left. 

“Think that was enough little sis?” Caleb asked. He leaned over you, dragging something across the bed as you pathetically whimpered and cried. Your ass felt hot and stung badly. 

“Mhm, y-yes Caleb,” you said weakly. 

Caleb hummed quietly, he slowly parted your thighs, giving them a gentle massage once more. 

“You did such a good pip-squeak. I know it hurts so much doesn't it?” he asked. His voice was gentle, he leaned towards your head, letting go of the grip he held on your neck as his hands inched towards your panties. 

“It does…” you muttered. 

“Oh I'm sorry love, do you want me to make it feel better? Wanna feel good now right?” he asked. There was a teasing tone in his voice. 

“Please,” you said. 

His fingers grazed over your clothed clit, drawing slow, feather light circles above it. The feeling made you twitch and arch your back slightly, a quiet groan escaping your mouth. You had completely soaked your panties, Caleb could only smile widely knowing you got off on his spanking. He knew you did, that was always your favorite punishment from him. No matter how you whined and begged for him to stop, he knew you always wanted more. 

“Such a poor thing, you're so pathetic.” Caleb cooked. He pressed down a little more on your hardened nub, slowly rubbing up and down. The sensation was dulled by the barrier of fabric, but you were still able to feel the tingling pleasure. A quiet groan escaped you again, which built into a sharp yelp as Caleb landed a harsh slap against your pussy. 

“Too bad I'm not done punishing you isn't it?” Caleb growled, all the faux-sympathy was gone from his voice, any gentle tone left as if it had never been there to begin with. 

You tried to escape the harsh smacks against your cunt, your clit throbbed with a mix of pain and pleasure, you attempted to sit up, only to be harshly held down again. 

“Stupid dumb little slut. Think imma stop now? God there really must be nothing in that brain anymore huh? Not till you answer my question princess, quite crying and telling me. How many other guys did you let in this pussy? Were they better than your big brother's cock? Huh? Answer me slut!” he demanded. 

His hand kept pounding down on you, your brain fuzzed with the mix of pain and pleasure surging through your body, you tried to form an answer, but only a pathetic amount of crying and whimpering could leave you. If he just stopped for a moment you could tell him! But it was damn near impossible. You were left to simply take it, listening to his cruel remarks. 

“I waited till you came back y’know? Waited so long so i could have you again, all to myself, no more reason to be quiet, i can do whatever i want to you now, but your such a slutty bimbo you try and go get fucked while your here with me? Fuckin’ disrespectful you know that? You know how much i fucking love you? Makes me wanna tie you up in this little room and keep you here. So you can only see me, only be with me, so those pretty eyes will only look at me." Caleb growled. 

He finally paused his spanking. You were out of breath, the room spun around you as you quietly cried and tried to form a sentence. 

“D-didnt… i didnt… mmph.. Caleb, di-didn't-”

“Didnt what? Didn't know?” he questioned. 

You shook your head, your legs trembled. 

“Didnt.. Fuck anyone.. Else.” you whimpered. 

The room grew quiet, and Caleb let out a deep breath. His hands went back to massaging your now heated and slightly bruised ass and thighs. 

“You didn't?” he asked quietly. His voice hasn't lost that edge, but it did soften. He was still angry with you. 

“N-no, ‘m promise.” you mumbled. 

He squeezed your thighs again, forcing them to part. His fingers found your clothed clit once more and applied a bit of pressure, rubbing circles once more, this time with a bit more force than before. A string of moans left your mouth as your head slumped against the pillow. He seemed satisfied by your answer. 

“That's my good girl,” he said softly, the mean edge had left his voice, replaced by the softer tone you knew very well. You whined at the praise, earning a quiet chuckle from Caleb again. 

“You like that huh? Being my good girl? Mmm… you are such a good little sister you know that? So patient, even refusing other guys so you can be with your big brother huh?" Caleb asked. 

You nodded, and Caleb's fingers pressed more firmly to your clit. Your thighs trembled and tried to close together again, Caleb's hand left your neck and firmly held them open. 

“Don't try to stop it, just let me make you feel good,” Caleb murmured gently. 

You whimpered in response, especially loud when his hand left your clit. You were prepared to feel another harsh smack, but instead, your panties slowly slid down your ass, and your dress pushed up further. A quiet gasp escaped Caleb as he gently parted your folds, an exploratory finger trailing down your slit. 

“So wet… just for me,” Caleb muttered, he sighed and gently prodded his fingers into your pussy, they were so much bigger than yours it made you whine and whimper loudly. 

“Oh I know pip-squeak, I'm bigger than your little hands, right? You've always been so tiny inside, do you think I'll still fit?” Caleb asked. 

He pushed a finger in deeper, now knuckle deep. You squirmed, hips bucking away but Caleb held you firmly. 

“Mm Caleb… mmph~ m-more please!” you whined. 

Caleb curled his finger inside you, slowly pushing in and out, it was a terribly slow pace, making you shiver and whimper. He was taking his sweet time, it was torturous. 

“Just take it like this princess, nice and slow and gentle just how you like it. Feels good doesn't it? Think I can add one more?" Caleb purred. 

He dragged his finger out, and you felt the second one press against you slowly push inside, it made you shiver and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. He kept the same torturous pace.

“F-faster please… mmph Caleb please!” you whined. 

He shushed you, instead of moving faster he stilled all his movements and removed his fingers entirely. He leaned down, brushing hair out of your face. You looked up to see his soft eyes peering down at you. 

“Is that right little sis? You want more don't you?” Caleb asked. 

You nodded your head. 

He hummed quietly, before scooping his arms under you and lifting you up. A small gasp left you as you settled back on his lap. His chest pressed firmly against your back as he wrapped his arms around you in a hug. A sigh left you as he pressed a gentle kiss to your neck, his hands began rubbing circles over your stomach. 

“It's been too long since I got to hold you pip-squeak,” Caleb mumbled quietly. His voice was now breathy. He pressed another kiss to your neck, his tongue flicking out to lick a gentle stripe. The kiss sent a shudder down your back as his hands dug into your plush stomach. 

“I won't stay away long again,” you mumbled softly. 

He nodded, kissing your shoulder and biting gently. A soft groan left you as his bite became a little harder, something of a grumble came from Caleb. He suddenly bit down hard on your neck, the pain made you whine and squirm in his arms. When he pulled away he chuckled. 

“You promise you won't? You'll start staying here with me right?” he asked. 

“Y-yes Caleb, I will,” you replied. 

He nodded slowly. After a moment of comfortable silence, his hands began to trail back to your legs. 

“Well, I guess I do need to take care of you tonight, right? Make sure you come back for more?” Caleb asked. 

You squirmed a little bit, a small smile gracing your features and you nodded. 

“Oh no, say it properly, use your words pip-squeak,” Caleb said.

His hands trailed between your thighs and gently pinched the tender skin. 

“Mm, you're so mean, Caleb, always teasing me,” you mumbled quietly. A pit of embarrassment formed in your stomach. He always made you beg and ask nicely for him to help you like this. 

“Mean? Me? Nooo… listen, all you gotta say is this: ‘Please big brother, stuff my tight little pussy and use me how you want tonight. I promise I'll stay here with you and won't even look at other people, all I need is my big brother. Please Caleb, please.’ maybe a little extra whiney for me okay?” Caleb said. 

Your cheeks flushed bright red. “Pl-please cal-”

“Nooo, that's not what I said, baby.” Caleb teased. He pinched your thigh again, which made you whimper quietly. 

“Please big brother…” you couldn't get yourself to finish the sentence, it was so filthy the way he got off on this. He knew it embarrassed you to say out loud. 

“Come on, be a good girl for me okay?” Caleb asked. 

“And… and stuff my tight pussy and use me how you want tonight.” you quickly finished, and one of your hands flew to cover your face from the embarrassment. It was stopped mid-air by Caleb's evol, and you glanced up to see him smiling widely. 

“And what else pip-squeak?” 

“I promise I'll stay here with you and I won't even look at-at other people.” you mumbled. 

“Say the next part is nice and loud for me okay?” Caleb requested. 

You cleared your throat to speak more clearly. 

“All I need is my big brother. Please Caleb, please..” you said. 

He practically purred at the statement, burying his face in your neck and kissing over the tender skin. He hit every sensitive spot, making you breathe in deeper and close your eyes. The embarrassment from the moments before slowly faded as heat began to pool between your legs again. 

“That's a good girl for me. Always so good. I'll take care of you pip-squeak, i'll make sure you can't even walk tomorrow.”

[you-call-it-a-dude]

Just Can't Hack It Pt.2

Pt.1

Request: so this is part two to a story. The original request was reader dealing with substance use. I had a few folks wanting another part and I was feeling inspired to add a second part so I did!

Pairings: Leighton Murray x female reader

Warnings: TW!!! I would say this one is more triggering than the first. Mentions of opioid use, accidental overdose, use of narcan/naloxone, difficult discussions around the topic of addiction, needles. This is a super heavy story. Read with caution, take a step back if it's not for you. I have many other stories you can check out if you want something more light hearted. Nobody dies, but it's a pretty realistic scenario about addiction/loving someone with addiction. Could be triggering in many ways, so please be aware.

Authors Note: here I go again adding more chapters to stories I've been saying imma leave as one shots lol. This story is super depressing, I'm so sorry. If you're into that tho, welcome lol. I apologize for my lack of posting. Ive had a lot of life changes happen recently and my mental health hasn't been the greatest (maybe writing this depressing ass chapter will help). I do want to clarify, I am not a drug user. Just a social worker that reads, does research lol. Thank you all for your patience, thank you so everyone that's read my other work while waiting for me to post again. I love you all. I love you for reading, for sharing opinions and engaging in discussions with me and I love you for existing. I hope you like this next chapter

**if you have any questions regarding Narcan/Naloxone, fentanyl test strips, or anything like that, feel free to reach out**

----

You woke up with a loud gasp, some random girl rubbing circles on your sternum. You rushed to sit forward, accidentally shoving her back.

The air was flowing back into your lungs and you felt like you couldn't get it in there quick enough. Your teeth were chattering and you were in that same fucking basement DJ died in.

You grab her wrist with shaky hands and she talked to you calmly, asking you if you were okay and all you could do was shake your head no. Your chest was heaving and it felt like you were inhaling razor blades or something.

What the fuck?

"Sit up slow." She tells you, helping you sit up and you notice her hands are also shaking. "You should probably go to the emergency room." She tells you and you're confused because you don't know why.

"Did something happen?" You ask, your throat dry. You cough to clear it and when you reach forward to grab a cup of whatever off the table, you see an oddly shaped object discarded on the table. You pick it up, your hands still shaking and you run your thumb over the pink 'Narcan' written on the label "Fuck." You whisper to yourself. "Fuck, did...?" You turn your attention to her and she kind of just shrugs.

"I'm not sure honestly. Maybe? But I didn't think it could hurt. You didn't look great, like at all."

You continue to stare down at the small nasal spray, your hands still shaking like never before. You blinked hard a few times, trying to wrap your head around everything.

"I'm so sorry." You apologized to this stranger for most likely traumatizing the fuck out of her.

"Do you have someone to call? You probably need to go to the emergency room." She ignored your apology and something about that made you feel like shit.

"Emergency room? What? That stuff worked. I'm fine." You say, tossing the bottle back onto the table.

"Yeah, but it wears off in like thirty minutes, more or less." She points out.

"Wears off?!" You ask in shock and she nods at you, looking at you like you were stupid.

"And I'm not using my other one on you so I suggest you go." She said with a slight attitude, no longer giving off that friendly vibe she had before. "And maybe get your own for next time, yeah?"

"Fine, Jesus." You say, no longer feeling as indebted to her the more bitchy she got toward you.

You take a few moments to gather yourself, still feeling not the greatest. The girl next to you that potentially saved your life was now injecting something between her toes and if that wasn't enough motivation to get the fuck up and go, you don't know what is.

You grab your things and thank her again. Unsurprisingly, she doesn't say anything back.

Your legs feel weak and shaky. Getting up the stairs and out of the house took way more effort than it should've. You hated this fucking place and you felt disgusting for even coming back.

Your intention was to take an Uber to the emergency room on campus, but when you checked your bank account you were almost certain a ride request wouldn't even go through.

You physically just felt too weak to stand so you sat on the curb, knowing you were going to have to call Leighton and just fucking hated yourself for it.

You pulled out the pills you had taken from your pocket and investigated them. You got them from Liza instead of your normal dealer. She told you they would be exactly the same pills you were used to buying from Angel, just less expensive. Your lack of funds sold you on them immediately. Except now that you actually took the time to study them, you realize they looked nothing like the other ones.

You had no idea what you took.

What you do know is you took two of them at once. It was less than what you normally would've taken. You can't even remember why you decided to only take two instead of your usual four, but clearly sober you was looking out.

Well...semi-sober you.

You called Leighton and it took three tries for her to answer. She was mad at you again because you bailed on her the other night on dinner plans that you made.

"Hello?" She finally answered. You could hear laughter in the background so you knew she was out with friends or out doing something and it made you feel even worse to ask her for help.

"Hi, Leight." You say softly, pushing your fingertips into your eyes trying to build up the courage to ask her. "Can you help me, please?"

"Help you?" She sounds concerned and you hear a door close behind her, all of the noise fading away. "What's going on?"

"I need-I need, fuck!" You try, the words feeling almost impossible to get out. "I need to go to the emergency room, I think." You finally get out, blinking hard to keep your brain working.

"Emergency room? What's going on? Where are you?"

"Please, Leighton. I'm at the blue house on the edge of campus. You know the one." You rub your palm against your forehead. "Can you please just come get me."

"Yeah. I know the one." Of course she did. Everyone knows the blue fucking house. It's literally nicknamed the druggie house on campus. There's only one reason people went there. Her voice sounded monotone and she was definitely connecting some dots. "I'm coming, I'm not far away." She hangs up on you before you can even tell her goodbye and you just feel her disappointment radiating through the phone.

It was less than ten minutes when you saw a familiar car pull up.

Leighton stepped out of the passenger side and as soon as the door closed, the window was rolling down to reveal Whitney in the drivers seat.

"Are you kidding me, Leighton." You complained as she rushed over to help you.

"Shut up." Whitney said from the driver's side, rolling her eyes at you.

"Fuck you!" You spat at her, letting Leighton help pull you to your feet.

"No, fuck you! What the hell is wrong with you?" You stayed silent because you didn't have an answer to her question. "That's what I fucking thought. Now get in the car."

Leighton sat in the back with you, letting you lay your head on her lap. She hasn't said a single word to you since she picked you up and you don't know if it was the drugs or the anxiety caused by her silence that was making your heart race the way it was.

Your body was sore and your head ached. You turned so you could bury your face in her sweater, inhaling the smell of her. She massaged your scalp, pulling you closer to her body.

Whitney dropped you both off at the front door and said to call her when you needed to be picked up. She sounded a lot nicer now, but she was also talking to Leighton.

You weren't feeling great at all and you definitely had the fear that whatever dosage that girl gave you was wearing off and you were going to die in the waiting room of this fucking hospital.

Leighton helped bring you to the front desk. You declined her offer of a wheelchair because something about that just felt degrading. Having to have her push you because of something you did to yourself?

Falling to the ground and crawling would be less embarrassing.

The woman at the desk greeted you and asked what was going on and you hesitated. Because even though Leighton probably figured shit out by now, you never said it out loud.

Saying it out loud would finally be admitting that you had a problem, which is why you've avoided it for so long.

"I-um-I-" both Leighton and the lady at the desk with the patience of a saint watch you fiddle nervously with the pen attached to a chain. "I am not feeling too great. I was given narcan maybe thirty minutes ago." You were blinking rapidly trying to get through your sentence, the fluorescent lighting and the pounding headache was making your brain short circuit.

The lady at the desk sat up quickly, asking you for your ID and insurance card, asking someone behind her to call for a nurse. You pulled your wallet from your pocket and Leighton had to help you pull the cards out because your hands were shaking and you just couldn't do it.

A male nurse appeared out of nowhere with a rolling blood pressure cuff and asked you to follow him to the triage area.

"What about my stuff?" You ask, letting this man escort you to a little area.

"I've got it, baby." Leighton said calmly, a few steps behind you, shoving your ID back into your wallet that she was still holding.

You sat down in a chair with your feet planted firmly on the floor like instructed and you felt like this firm wooden chair was consuming you.

He slipped the blood pressure cuff on your arm, the stethoscope planted firmly in the center of your arm. His eyes never left you while he asked you some questions.

"Do you know how many doses of the narcan you received?"

"Just one." You say and he nods.

"What did you take?" He asks, making eye contact with you and waiting for your response.

You swallowed and looked up at Leighton, who was waiting at you expectantly to answer.

"I don't know. It wasn't from my usual person. My friend that got it for me said it would be the same and it wasn't. I took less than what I normally would." You admit and it sounds embarrassing to even say something like that. You just hope he doesn't ask you-

"How much do you normally take? How much did you take of these?"

"Um, four to five 10mg Percocet. I only took two of these."

"Okay." He nods and the machine starts to beep. He removes the cuff from your arm and motions to someone behind you. "We are going to take you back now, okay? Your blood pressure is too low." He said while he and Leighton help you stand up and you were mortified to find them leading you to a wheelchair.

"Yeah, okay." You nod and when you sit you look back between Leighton and the nurse with a panicked expression. "Can she come back with me?"

"Of course." He takes hold of the wheelchair and takes you to a double door, pressing the button and leading you and Leighton through a maze of curtained rooms before bringing you to an open bed.

As soon as your butt hit that bed, two nurses were rushing in one was hooking you up to different machines and pulling down your shirt to stick electrodes on your chest to monitor your heart.

Before you could even process anything, your bed was being lowered and you were laying flat on your back and the second nurse was giving you a second dose of narcan up your nostrils while the first nurse finally explained to you and Leighton what the fuck was going on.

She said that narcan is usually done in two or more doses and that it often wears off before the effects of the pills do. That because you only received one dose, you were already showing the signs of the first dose wearing off and going into another potential overdose.

You didn't even have time to panic or freak out. They had the narcan up your nose and had you sitting back up like it never even happened. Leighton nodding with wide eyes from the chair next to you and trying to absorb what the nurse was saying.

You gripped the bridge of your nose and squinted your eyes while the nurse finished speaking, already starting to feel better.

"We are going to keep you here for a couple of hours just for monitoring." She rolls a little tray over to your bed that has a needle, test tubes, and a tourniquet. All the makings for getting your blood drawn. "We are required to do a toxicology screening on you, especially since you do not know what you took." She slips on a new pair of gloves. "These results will not be shared with the university." She reassured when she saw your face drop. "Arm out."

She cleaned your arm with an alcohol pad and tied the elastic tourniquet around your arm, pressing on your veins to find a vein. She inserts the needle in your arm and you watch the multiple vials fill up. She removes the tourniquet, has you hold a cotton ball where the needle went in and slaps a bandaid over it. She cleans up the area and says she'll be back shortly and walks out without saying another word.

Leighton had been silent the entire time. She was holding your things and sitting on the chair next to your bed watching the monitor with all off your vitals. Her eyes looked glassed over and you didn't know what to say or how to even begin to say it.

"Thanks for coming with me." You say pitifully and her eyes dart from the monitor to look over at you.

"I feel so stupid." She says, shaking her head. "Everything is like, making sense now, you know? The missed dates, the weird behavior, the angry outbursts." She nods her head, almost like she was agreeing with her own thoughts.

"I'm so sorry."

"And then you take shit that you don't even know what it is and- and you fucking overdose? What if you fucking died, Y/N?" She sounds so angry, but you can see she's on the verge of tears. You reach for her, touching her arm and she yanks herself away from you. "Don't fucking touch me."

"Then fucking go if you don't want to stay." You say, staring up at the ceiling, blinking back tears.

"Stop."

"I should've just let myself die on the curb of that stupid fucking house." You slammed your head against the pillow, the machines beeping like crazy for a brief moment.

"Can you just shut the fuck up with that self deprecating shit?" She spits, crossing her arms and legs.

She's very closed off and distant now. It almost felt like you could feel her distancing herself from you in real time. There's an awkward silence between the two of you and you reach for her.

"Leighton..."

"Mmmh mmmh." She shakes her head no, keeping her attention focused on her phone

"Baby." You try again and when her fingers pause over the phone screen you know you're getting somewhere. "Please, baby."

She rolls her eyes and sighs, giving you her attention.

"What."

"I'm really sorry." You say sincerely, playing with the edge of the flimsy hospital blanket.

"For...?" There was no hint of emotion to her voice. But in scenarios like this, Leighton was always good at shutting down and putting her walls up.

"For how I've been treating you. For a lot of things."

"If that's all you're going to say, that's a really shitty fucking apology."

"No! Of course that's not all. I-fuck. Okay. Just give me a second to collect my thoughts."

"Well, maybe if you weren't high on god knows what you'd be able to give me a less pathetic apology."

Maybe it was your high wearing off, maybe it was just the drugs in general, but man for the briefest moment you wanted to cuss her out.

You clench your jaw and exhale through your nose in an attempt to remain calm.

"If you let me fucking finish talking maybe you'll be more than the pathetic apology." You say through gritted teeth and she just raises her eyebrows at you expectantly. "I fucked up, okay? I know that. I didn't mean for it to get this bad." You admit and she tilts her head, her gaze visibly softening.

"What do you mean?" She scoots the hospital chair closer to your bed.

"I got the meds originally when I messed up my knee. It freaked me out about if I would get to play again or not. When I got back into it, it was great, but I fucking sucked and there was this insane amount of pressure to be as good as I was before my injury. There still is that pressure. My knee just felt tight all the time. Like it was about to snap at any moment. I did the physical therapy, the ice baths, I did everything. Well, everything but admit that maybe it's just straight up fucked." You look down and begin to pick at on your fingertips. Leighton reaches forward to stop you and instead you press your thumb against one of her manicured nails, enjoying the feeling of the pinpricking pressure against your fingertip.

"Keep going, baby." She encourages softly and you could feel yourself relax.

"I refilled my final prescription for my meds right before I started playing again. I would ration the bottle and take them after games and stuff. Then I took them during a game and realized I could play pretty damn good and my leg felt fantastic. Well, until afterwards when it felt worse than ever. Turns out if you take meds to prevent pain, it's really difficult to gauge when you're pushing yourself too far. So I would take some meds before the game, during the game, then again after the games..." Leighton opens her mouth to speak, but you continue with your thought. "...And then one or two more before bed."

"Jesus Christ, Y/N." She says, sounding both shocked and horrified. "I don't even...how long-how many? I don't know! I'm trying not to ask my question without sounding like a dick." She admits and looks to you for some guidance.

You don't know her exact question, but you can guess where she was going with it.

"It was supposed to be refill that lasted three months and finished it in like a month. Maybe a month in a half if I want to be generous. They were a low-ish doses, so I would take more."

"How many were you supposed to take a day? How many did you take?" She asked her questions in a quick succession.

"I was supposed to take one, max two, a day." She nodded and raised her eyebrows expectantly. "I was taking like four to six."

"I-what?! You know what," she takes a deep breath to calm herself down. "Let me approach this in a non-judgmental way. I just, I really want to know what happened to escalate the situation and bring us where we are now." She squeezes your hand reassuringly.

"So my prescription runs out and I find a connect when I go to one of the parties at the blue house. I got pills from him for a while, but you would not believe how expensive opioids are." You tried to joke, only when you looked up to see Leighton was not laughing, not even cracking a smile, you quickly cleared your throat and got serious. "After DJ died in the house, I starting using more and it was just getting more expe-"

"Wait what? The guy that overdosed in the house, you were his friend?"

"I, well, yes. But I was also...there. I called the ambulance when I found him." You could feel everything else coming out like word vomit. "I introduced him to Liza, who introduced him to drugs." You clenched your jaw, trying to swallow down the breakdown you've been keeping at bay for over a month now. "I killed him, Leighton. It's my fault he's dead." You look up at her tearfully and when Leighton frowns and calls you 'baby', you fucking lose it.

She stands up and pulls your face from your hands. The machines attached to you are beeping rapidly for who knows what fucking reason and it was pissing you off.

"Get these off of me." You say mid sob, attempting to pull the electrodes of your chest, yanking at the wires and your shirt blindly. "Get these fucking off!"

Leighton was fighting your arms at this point, doing her best to keep your arms still. Your brain could comprehend that you were smacking her unintentionally, hitting her arms, her hands, and her chest. You felt like your body was stuck between fight and flight right now. You felt out of control in every aspect, mentally and physically. You wanted to stop, you wanted to calm down, you just literally could not.

Within seconds two nurses came in and Leighton held your arms until one of the nurses took her place. Her absence felt more upsetting and agitating, so you attempted to reach for her. Your throat felt raw from crying and now you were screaming for Leighton, begging her to help you.

You gripped a nurses arm tightly, your face smushed against her scrubs while you watched Leighton's horrified expression as the two nurses turned you on your side. One of them pulled your pants down on one side and inject a tranquilizer into your ass cheek.

You gasped and squeezed the nurses arm, mortified about what happened and that it happened in front of Leighton. You were also both shocked and impressed at how quickly your heart rate was going down.

You also felt absolutely terrible for the tears and snot you were getting on this poor nurse's scrubs. Going back and forth between pitifully apologizing to her and to Leighton while the meds kicked in.

You could feel your arms getting heavy and the nurses began to lay you on your back again. The one you were gripping for dear life was covering you with a blanket and you can over hear the one that injected your ass trying to talk Leighton through what she just witnessed.

Something about it being normal behavior when coming off a lot of drugs so suddenly. You don't fucking know.

What you do know is Leighton looked pale and traumatized and that it was absolutely your fucking fault.

You reached for her. Desperately trying to tell her that you loved her. That you're in love with her and that you were so fucking sorry.

She looked at you confused, holding your hand and telling you she couldn't understand what you were saying. You could feel yourself getting riled up mentally, but your body felt stuck. Like gum to the bottom of a fucking shoe you were stuck and locked into this bed.

The nurses left and she pulled her chair close to your bed again, her hand never letting go of yours while she did. She sat in front of you, calling you baby, pushing hair from your face, and telling you that it was okay and to just close your eyes for a little bit.

You moaned and whined, tears sliding down your cheeks. They matched the ones streaming down Leighton's and you wanted you kiss them away. Instead she wiped your tears and begged you not to cry, her lips pressed against the side of your head.

You closed your eyes, Leighton's lips against your temple while she whispered calming things in your ear.

---

You woke up confused. You had a hospital gown on over your shirt and pants, and you were also pretty sure you were in a different room.

"Water?" You croak, your mouth dryer than nothing you have ever experienced before.

"Here." Came a voice next to you that was most definitely not Leighton.

You turn your head to the side to see Whitney holding a styrofoam cup with a straw and you push yourself to sit up straight, blinking and wiping away the dried up tears and sleep gunk from your eyes.

You hesitate at first, but you take the cup from her. You drink the cool ice water down like your life depended on it.

"Thank you." You tell her when you finished drinking, breathing heavily like a toddler after they downed some juice. You look around the room for any signs of Leighton, finding none. You try not to panic, but the machine measuring your hate rate gives you away.

"She'll be back. I sent her home a bit ago to change into different clothes and get something to eat." Whitney informs you, setting the water on the little table. She stands up and goes to the sink, wetting a small stack of those thin paper towels with warm water and wiping your face and mouth. You could feel your dried spit and snot come off with ease. You closed your eyes while she wiped your face, too tired to feel embarrassed. "Better?" She asks you, patting your face with a dry paper towel when she was done.

You nod your head yes, settling further into the bed.

"How long was I out?" You stare at the analog clock on the wall, but it doesn't help much since you didn't even know the time you came in or were knocked out at.

"Maybe seven hours? It's been a while. They said it could range from like six to twelve hours." You nod, staring at your covered feet. You can feel yourself checking out mentally, but Whitney talking again brings you back to earth. "Leighton filled me in, I hope that's okay."

"Mhmm, yeah." You shrugged and nodded, trying to hide your shame over the fact that another person knows this about you now.

"Why didn't you say anything to anyone?" She was soft with her approach, but there was a thin layer of assertiveness underneath.

"Well, Whitney, the thing about having a drug problem is you don't really fucking realize you have a drug problem until you end up in a hospital and get a needle shoved into your ass cheek. Or, maybe it's when a girl that injects meth between her toes gets pissy for using her Narcan on you. Gee, I just can't decide." You say sarcastically and Whitney's face hardens slightly.

"Okay, I get it." She says defensively, sitting back in the chair to lean away from you. You sigh and attempt to run a hand through your hair, but it's all matted and sweaty.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You say quietly. "I thought I had a handle on it, okay? I didn't think it was a problem." You admit, nodding your head as you thought to yourself. "Clearly." You vaguely gesture to yourself laid up in a hospital bed and Whitney nods.

"Everything is starting to make sense though. Your behaviors, your angry outbursts, the way you treated Leighton."

You wince at that last one. You treated her horribly the last like eight months and you knew that.

It was such a weird feeling. To love someone so deeply and be unable to stop yourself from absolutely wrecking them and treating them like shit.

"Yeah, I've been told already things are adding up. Glad I could provide some clarity." You give her a tight lipped smile and a weak thumbs up.

"You're awake!"

You look up to see Leighton coming into the room, a little visitor badge pinned to her hoodie. You nod, looking up at her with a smile. Your eyes start to water, something about seeing her just hitting you with the overwhelming urge to cry because you were so fucking happy she came back.

You open your arms for her and she sets her purse down to rush to your side and give you a hug. You wrap your arms around her and hold her tightly, pressing your lips wherever you could.

A knock at the door caused her to pull away. She took the extra seat on the other side of your bed as the doctor came in and greeted you, washing his hands.

He did an overall exam on you. Checked your mouth, your eyes, listening to your heart and lungs. He pulled his stool up to your bed and rested a folder of paperwork by your feet.

"So, we got your blood results back. It's routine to drug test in these situations. The school will not be informed of the results." He reassured you like the nurse did previously. "Now," he opens the packet of papers to a specific page where numbers are highlighted. "You have a decent amount in your system. I'm sure that's something you're aware of." You nod and he continues. "We do not think you overdosed on the pills themselves. Not to say that means you should go out and keep slamming them back."

The three of you made a face at him, unsure if his comment was meant to lighten the mood or if he was just a dick.

"So what's the problem then?" Whitney speaks up and he clears his throat.

"Well, you have a dangerous amount of fentanyl in your system. Whatever you took was most likely laced. Had you taken the four pills you said you normally took, you would probably be dead. Here are some packets about fentanyl as well as some inpatient and outpatient treatments for opioid addiction, and some information about methadone." He sets about five pamphlets in the open space between your legs and stands up, pushing his chair back in. "The nurse is going to come in with your discharge paperwork. Schedule an appointment with your PCP. Have a good day ladies." He sanitizes his hands and leaves the room, leaving the three of you looking confused and dumbfounded.

"That was it?" Leighton asks after he leaves, clearly frustrated. She reaches forward and grabs the pamphlets off your legs and thumbs through them furiously. "You almost fucking die apparently and that's it? You go the fuck home? What the fuck."

"Leighton, please stop." You say calmly, but she was pacing the room now while she read.

"This methadone seems good. I can call my dad and get you into a good rehab. Inpatient or out." She says while reading through the pamphlets and you start feeling overwhelmed.

Of course you wanted to be better and to stop taking the pills.

But the thought of actually doing it scared the shit out of you.

"Can I please just go home first and figure this out later?" You ask, scratching your eyebrow.

"Yes," Whitney says and looks up and Leighton sternly. "Yes, you can." She says, answering for Leighton.

"I have one request." Leighton says, shoving the pamphlets into her purse before sitting at the edge of your bed. "Please stay with us for a bit. A few days, a week. However long. Just please do it, okay?"

You nodded your head. You knew you scared her, no, fucking traumatized her. She was looking at you right now like she wanted to cry. Like if you told her no she would probably burst into tears.

You couldn't tell her no. You couldn't do this to her again. You definitely couldn't do anything to risk losing her.

"Yes, I'll stay with you. Can I stop at my room at get some clothes?"

"Absolutely. Can I go in with you when you do?"

You hesitated. You thought about the state of your side of the room. You definitely weren't as clean as you used to be. You most definitely had been slacking on doing your laundry and the thought of her going in there and seeing your gross, crusty underwear made you want to flip.

You still agreed though and she kissed your cheek. She went to kiss your lips and you turned your head.

"My mouth feels disgusting. More kissing later?"

"Deal." She nods, sneaking a quick peck onto your lips anyway.

There was a knock on the door and a nurse stepped in holding some paperwork.

"Alrighty, Y/N. Let's get you outta here, hun."

---

You rushed into your dorm, quickly picking up dirty clothes from the floor and tossing them in your hamper, picking up trash and shoving it aside.

"Sorry, I'm sorry." You apologize profusely for the state of your room.

"No, don't. It's okay." Leighton says, taking in the space.

She hadn't been allowed into your room for a while. Usually when she would come over it would be spotless and smell like air fresher. It was a complete 180 from what she was used to.

You could almost see her absorbing in the gravity of your addiction. As if almost OD'ing on laced pills, blowing off her dates, and having frequent mood swings weren't enough. She was getting a first hand view of how little you had been taking care of yourself because of it.

Something about that felt more shameful than anything. You felt vulnerable and exposed. You had been caught putting on a show and now all the curtains were being pulled back to expose the complex layers of your addiction. Exposing problems that you didn't even realize were becoming problems until someone you love is watching you scramble to clean it up.

"I just need to get some clean clothes." You say, opening your drawers and finding them to be pretty bare. "Fuck." You whisper to yourself.

"Why don't you bring some dirty clothes with you and we can do laundry at my dorm. Okay, baby?"

"Um, y-yeah." You blink hard, slamming your drawer shut. You open another and are thankful to find a handful of clean underwear. You pull them out and shove them into the bag Leighton had set on your bed. "Can you get me some shirts from my closet? I'll gather my dirty clothes."

"Of course." She turns around to look through your closet.

You grabbed a garbage bag and began picking clothes off the floor, plucking clothes from your hamper and other various surfaces around the room, shoving them into the trash bag. When a bunch of change falls out of one of your pockets you sigh, going back into the bag and digging through the pockets of any pants and shorts you shoved in there to make sure those were empty before you continued.

You picked up a pair of sweatpants, digging your hand into the pocket and freezing when you felt something sharp-ish poke your fingertips.

It was almost like you could hear angels singing when you pull the item from your pocket. A small baggie with three little blue pills in it. Three pills that you most definitely recognized and knew they would be safe. You traced your thumb over them, licking your lips.

"Do you want this sweater, babe?" Leighton asks from the closet behind you and you briefly turn around to face her.

"Yes, that's perfect, baby." You tell her. You weren't even looking at the sweater.

You had look at her face. Feeling guilty about everything that went down. Feeling guilty about all the time and energy she was probably going to put in to taking care of you.

You knew the best thing to do right now would be to hand the pills over. It would be the responsible thing.

You wanted to be responsible.

You grip the small baggie in your hand tightly and scratch under your nose with the back of your hand, thinking of the way you were going to hand the baggie over.

You open your palm again to stare at the pills, your hand shaking. You look around the room one more time, turning to smile at Leighton while she had a few shirts and sweaters draped over her arm for you.

You wanted to be responsible, just maybe not today.

You clear your throat, shoving the pills into the deepest corner of your front pocket.

[hilacopter]

grr filthy jew im HATE… /JOKEJOKEJOKE I AM ALSO JEWISH THIS IS AN ACTUAL ASK)

ive been following you for a while now and ive seen a lot of your takes and generally agree with em, but just out of curiosity do you have any issue with “free palestine” or the idea of palestine being its own state, or do you just hate how some people will use palestine as an excuse to be antisemitic? /genq

I mostly hate when people use Palestine as an excuse to be antisemitc/xenophobic or paint Israel as uniquely evil for things that apply to many other countries. Idk on paper I don't have issue with "free palestine" in the context of stopping the war and establishing a 2SS, I do think Palestine should be it's own state (really I want whatever solution in which everyone's humanity and rights are respected), but idk the phrase and the movement associated with it has very much become a negative association in my mind. Like the majority of pro-palestinians I see are at best misinformed but well-meaning and at worst blatant antisemites. Plus it has ruined a lot of online spaces/content for me, I go online on fandoms and such for escapism and when something associates itself with the conflict that gets pretty much completely ruined, I can't really bring myself to engage with it with a clear mind and it's why there's really barely any fandom stuff on this blog anymore and I don't post on the sideblog much. Like I'm aware how it sounds like a selfish complaint and maybe it is but idk the fact that at this point just seeing someone with a watermelon emoji in their bio sends my mind into a spiral of "how much does this person want me dead" I think says more about a lot of the people saying "free palestine" than it does about me.

[rnn11203]

I really love Sebastian. I think hes a great character and im sad that hes often brushed off as just some emo boy. Im sure a lot of what i think can be said as headcanons but i feel like if needed i could really have a convincing argument for why i think all of this.

But anyways, Sebastian is very anti social. He says so himself that he doesnt really enjoy the company of others, but i dont really think that he views other people as bothersome or annoying or like a hassle. I think hes afraid of being vulnerable, his inferiority complex doesnt allow him to be open or honest with others because hes afraid of what they’d think about him. I think his relationship with Sam and Abigail is very surface level, i dont view their relationships as very deep or intimate. I think Sebastian could be seen as a chill but solemn guy by the rest of the community but its really cute that he’s secretly very nerdy. He likes comics, dnd, and web design.

I really love that hes a bad older brother, i too am an older brother who feels like ive disappointed my younger siblings, i was supposed to be there for them but instead i let my insecurity, my jealousy of our parents affection, and ultimately my feelings of inferiority get in the way. Is it selfish to want to be loved? I dont think so, but it is selfish to let it get in the way of loving others. I think Sebastian feels guilty over the way he behaved towards Maru, im not sure if i think they’d ever reconnect.

I headcanon their ages as 22 and 18, it must’ve been difficult for Sebastian to cope with his father’s absence and such a sudden change. I think he wouldve felt casted aside, almost like he was being replaced. I think Sebastian grew up in pelican town, that the house was built prior to his parents split, i like to think that him and maru shared a room up until he was 12? Maybe 13? And insisted to live in the basement instead. I think he wouldve been satisfied with that but slowly he realized that no one was really interested in checking on him, instead of communicating it he’d internalize it, lash out by spending even more time alone. I think both Robin and Demetrius love him, but excuse it as personality differences. However Sebastian in game seems kinda prone to emotional outbursts, instead of acknowledging something is wrong his parents just think hes just the more difficult sibling. I also think that he had loose contact with his bio dad, but the bastard suddenly stopped responding at all so he further convinces himself that he is unwanted. “Would it really matter, if I just disappeared?”

It’s really interesting that in his 2heart event he says “They’re engaging, straightforward, and unselfish. Quite the opposite of a lot of people I know." I wonder who that refers to? Is Demetrius boring? Sam a bit scrambled? Abigail selfish? (I say Abigail is the selfish one bc he expresses discontent about her coming over and disregarding his work in the same scene).

But really, i think Sebastian just wants to feel like he belongs. I think the farmer makes him feel comfortable, valued, and understood. I really like that about him.

[qoldenskies]

Hi, this is a silly question, but welp. Do you think publishing new content on ao3 pays off? I feel like the fandom is dying a bit and I don't know if it's worth writing ff :((

maybe this is just my personal opinion because i wasnt here at the height of the hype especially in 2022 (i watched the show in march 2024 and got into the fandom in june), but the rise fandom is not dying, dont worry.

there are posts here that frequently get thousands of notes, sometimes within days, fics that have gotten pretty popular that are RECENT, a whole culture of aus and events and zines that are still running.

ive been in dying fandoms (the pjo book fandom is so dead yall its joever) and in fandoms that were never even big in the first place (i was in a niche pokemon webcomic community that had upwards of maybe like 40 people active in its discord server, and most of the adults there were republicans or child groomers or usually both .... i know hell, i was there for like four years. trust me) and i havent been in a community as big as rise's since liiike. 2019, i think!

and regardless of any new official content coming out, its also good to note that there are a lot of active and dedicated tmnt fans who make official content for other, much older iterations too, and ive noticed a lot of the people who do are older which is definitely a good thing. fandoms at the peak of their hype are usually INSANELY preteen-infested and it's not a good environment i think should be desired. the discourse i see going around on tiktok right now is deranged but its not new by any means. i REFUSE to be a boomer because im only 18 and i know what its like to be 12, but i do not desire nor envy that kind of fame BAHFHDHGH

but like still. point i was getting to is that even if its not at its peak of popularity i dont think the fandom will be dying any time soon and it's not something to be afraid of. i can cite several fics that did wonderfully in numbers (although i dont recommend basing quality off that, its just important to note) despite being recent and have had the fandom in a chokehold as of late. canary continuity could probably count as one of those considering how crazy it was around november or so..... i miss november :')

i think we all kind of see ourselves like drops of water in a bucket and hesitate to come in so strong because we underestimate the importance of our own voices, especially because fandom attracts very socially anxious people, but a lot of the anxiety about engagement can be mitigated by engaging yourself and being the change you want to see! this also counts with creating content-- the thing about ao3 is that you can have completely different audiences for different fics unlike other platforms from what i've seen, so something may flop at first and then do really well later, or even take a while to kick off (cvd and coming undone have been getting some love lately ive noticed... i keep telling myself i'll continue them and then forgetting)

i'd say its definitely worth a shot to post, because ive noticed that ao3 comment sections are overwhelmingly positive in most cases. ive gotten some passive-aggressive or pushy comments before (usually out of confusion because they werent paying attention, which isnt my fault, or because theyre excited and what to see more, which i still do find flattering) but its always been in a sea of a lot of really wonderful people, which has been really helpful because i have disabling anxiety and constantly doubt myself haha.

i think the advice i see a lot of "write for yourself" is kind of unhelpful and doesn't get to the root of the problem because i think it takes away from the fact that art is such a deeply social part of human expression, and we create it to share it,,, i think a better way to put it is that you should write self-indulgently, and there's always a good chance of finding your people by the time you're finished-- i've connected with a lot of people with VERY similar tastes to me because of my writing and it's been miraculous because as great as my other friends are, their interests vary wildly from mine LOL. its worth it even if you dont kick off immediately!!! and of course i urge everyone to engage with artists and writers whenever you can, it means the world to them!!

[moonstandardtime]

i've been using tiktok a lot the past few months, since my irls use it and i'm bored. here are some things ive noticed

(disclaimer: this is influenced by the tiktok algorithm, obviously. it is also influenced by who i follow on tumblr. i personally don't post on tiktok, but aside from that i use the two platforms pretty similarly and interact with the same type of content.)

(another disclaimer: this is entirely for fun and to provide a new perspective. be nice.)

under cut because it got really long loll. enjoy

tumblr users get REALLY mean, judgy, and holier-than-thou about tiktok. tiktok users, on the rare occasions tumblr is brought up, speak pretty positively (though secretively) about it. saw a tiktok that mentioned tumblr and the top comment was about shoelaces, and the creator replied saying they don't know what that means.

tiktok users aren't stupid or lesser than you. stop "not like other girls"-ing social media.

omegaverse comes up with about the same frequency on both platforms. i do interact with tiktoks about fanfiction, so that's probably why omegaverse shows up on my fyp in the first place, but i don't interact much if at all with tiktoks about omegaverse. yet they still show up.

fanfiction culture on tiktok is a little strange. they mostly make funny videos about accidentally skimming over the mpreg tag and getting jumpscared, and other relatable jokes.

the fanart on tumblr is better because it's easier to find and interact with.

tiktok loves edits. and the edits are SO GOOD. guys oh my god

tiktok also loves tweening, 2015 animation memes style. animation memes seem to be coming back i think?

on social issues, tiktok users seem generally much more optimistic than tumblr users. possibly because of the more potent sense of community caused by the "speaking directly at the camera" format as opposed to the "writing an essay mostly anonymously and hoping people actually read it" format. especially now, i feel far more inspired to act when using tiktok, and far more like i'm bracing for my inevitable doom when using tumblr.

on that note, tiktok's algorithm actually lends quite well to communication. tiktok users want people to see and interact with their videos, so they speak in a way that encourages conversation. this makes it feel more like an open friendly discussion. tumblr, however, has no such algorithm, and interacting with posts feels much more distant, so making a post about a serious topic is more akin to shouting your frustrations into the void and hoping someone on the other side hears and agrees with you.

the jokes on tumblr are funnier. tiktok loves their mediocre skits. nobody is that blunt in normal conversation and it's making your bit feel stilted, guys.

tumblr's sense of humor isn't unique, though. the format is just a little better for it.

tiktok users don't seem to piss on the poor as much. maybe because it's embarrassing to look inept and stupid when your face is attached to what you're saying? there's also access to body language and tone, and less pressure to say exactly what you mean in the exact right way the first time you say it without angering anyone.

14 year olds still engage in purity culture regardless of platform. this is because they're 14 years old.

i'm finding a LOT of great music through tiktok. it's awesome. genuinely one of my favorite things about the app.

tiktok is judgy and weird about things like appearance. tumblr is judgy and weird about morals. i prefer tiktok on this because at least i can say "normalise fatness" without being jeered at.

tumblr users love to guilt trip.

the "unalived" problem is not as bad as you guys make it out to be. tiktok users don't actually seem to say it much and prefer other euphemisms, especially when being serious. in no particular order, i've seen "departed this mortal coil", "passed", "eliminated" (usually in reference to the uhc ceo), and, a not insignificant amount of times, just "died" with the captions reading "unalived" or "d*ed" or something of the sort. it's still a problem with younger people, but for the most part everyone seems pretty against terms like "unalived" spreading into real life.

i DO see people using "grape" a lot more than "rape". probably because the word has a lot of weight and people are afraid of the topic. there's also a bigger fear of censorship here than with death and drugs; death and drugs are just a part of life. sexual assault? not so much. everyone seems pretty against the term "grape" spreading into real life too.

sex is a weird topic regarding self-censorship. when sharing personal drama, people approach it like they're in a room with children. in all other contexts it's pretty candid. when talking about sexual assault people like to dance around it. basically all like real life conversation, just ticked up a notch or two. i can't say anything about the extensive euphemisms of booktok smut povs, because i haven't seen a single one ever.

there are SO MANY ADS on tiktok. well. not really. there's a pretty normal amount of ads and a shit ton of lives and even more sponsored posts and posts where the poster gets commissions from advertising a tiktok shop item. it feels like you're being inundated with ads.

i'm white so i'm speaking from experience here (though i'm obviously not the end-all-be-all voice on this)—accidental racism is a lot easier to spot and fix on tiktok. it's a lot easier to see if your fyp is entirely white people and sometimes a poc every once in a while, since their faces are all right there, than it is to take note of the race of each of the faceless bloggers you follow on a pretty anonymous site. it's also easier to fix; on tiktok you can just look up something like "black hairstyles", like a few posts, and now there's black people on your fyp. if you interact with their posts normally, there won't be much more issue. on tumblr you'd have to specifically seek out someone, which feels almost performative to me, and also something that, regardless of biases, takes a lot more effort.

on a similar but contrasting note, tumblr's lack of algorithm makes it a lot less easy to fall down weird rabbit holes. on tiktok, though, it is concerningly easy to be boiled like a frog down pipelines, whether they be alt-right or conspiracy theory or astrology that devolves really quickly into a new type of essentialism. i like to think i'm pretty Aware of what i interact with online and how, but people on tiktok reaallyy like astrology and i've nearly slipped quite a few times thanks to a passing interest in tarot.

tiktok users are weirdly reliant on tiktok. tumblr users are weirdly reliant on tumblr. tiktok users don't have a superiority complex about it, though. i think we should all expand our horizons.

conclusion: to me tumblr feels like a club and tiktok feels like chatting with strangers at a chill party. i don't think one is better than the other; they're pretty drastically different platforms and can't really be compared like that. i feel like they're both somewhat necessary internet ecosystems. tumblr is anonymous, non-algorithmic, and has far less built-in censorship. tiktok is closer to real life, allows you to easily find and explore new things, and brings communities together in a pretty impactful way. insert something inspirational and poignant about society and how humans interact here.

[girlnadian]

ive spent a lot of time lately thinking about different hybrid combinations for kww and bunny ken specifically has stuck in my brain so bad. so... a very fast bunadian + foxfies to get it out of my system and yes i got weird about predator-prey dynamics in here ok. obviously

758 words // divider

Ken isn't scared of him, Wifies thinks one day. It's a surprising revelation, but not as surprising as the realization Wifies had been, unconsciously, operating under the idea that Ken should be scared of him.

It's not something Wifies consciously thinks about. He's not… a fox hybrid, really—his creator was. Everything in Wifies is there because it was programmed into him, carefully cultivated so he'd react in all the right ways and think all the right things. He shouldn't, logically, have any animalistic instincts. The ears on his head are there by happenstance. His coat changing color in the winter is something done meaninglessly. In contrast, Ken—at least to Wifies—seems like everything a rabbit should be. Quick in every regard and light on his feet, Ken knows when to engage and when to back off. Wifies has always admired that about him.

And yet– and yet– Ken huffs and drapes himself into Wifies' space after a long day; his long ears flop over Wifies' thighs as Ken settles his head in Wifies' lap, soft stomach turned up as he starts to prattle on about how disappointing all the rooms he looked at today were, really, Wifies, it's like they never learn—and Wifies feels his hand twitch and his throat tighten before he gathers himself. His fingers trace idle patterns on Ken's collarbone, just underneath his throat, and Ken doesn't so much as stutter. Wifies swallows thickly.

And there's the realization: Ken isn't scared of him, but Wifies thinks he should, maybe-wants him to be.

(Wifies remembers, vividly, the first time he'd seen a fox jump a rabbit. Not long after Ken found him, Ken had insisted Wifies load up a world and explore on his own. In a snowy taiga biome, Wifies had seen a white fox lunge, jaw snapping into the rabbit's neck until it ruined the snow under them with red streaks. He wondered if he wanted anything badly enough that he would sink his teeth into it. At the time he could only think of one name. If he thought about it now—even with all his gained knowledge and experiences—he would come to the same conclusion.)

"Wifies?"

Wifies blinks. Ken frowns—he must've asked a question while Wifies was lost in thought.

"Sorry," Wifies offers. "What was that?"

Ken frowns harder. They lift their arms, thin fingers finding Wifies' jaw and squeezing. Wifies thinks about the blood, so close to the surface of Ken's wrists. He thinks about how easy it would be to turn his head and snap.

"You look like you want to eat me," Ken says. "What are you thinking?"

I was thinking about eating you. Wifies isn't going to say that.

"Nothing, sorry," is what he lands on. Unconvincingly, given the way Ken's foot thumps against the arm of the couch, so Wifies amends, "It's just been a while since I've seen you."

It's true enough that Ken's expression smooths out. Wifies removes his claws from the vicinity of Ken's heart and cards them through Ken's hair, instead.

Except Ken never stops blindsiding him. "I wouldn't mind if you ate me."

Wifies' hand falters at the same time as his breath. "Ken."

"I'm serious!" Ken sounds almost offended, the way he does when he thinks up a good plan and gets questioned on it. Wifies' protesting groan is ignored; Ken continues, "If someone is going to, I'd want it to be you. It's kind of flattering."

Ken has shifted onto their side now, fingers drumming along Wifies' hip in thought. "I don't think I'd make it easy for you, though. Everyone thinks rabbits are cute and dumb, but you don't think that, right? You think I'm cute and smart."

Wifies isn't hiding his reaction well—he knows he isn't, because Ken's head tilts and his ears flop, clearly pleased. Maybe Wifies was right. If Ken is going to say things like that, then he should be scared of Wifies.

"Not in the house," Wifies decides. There's no real point arguing if Ken wants to play out the hypothetical. Ken makes a questioning little noise. Wifies says, "I'd want it to be in the snow."

"The snow," Ken repeats. "We could do that."

"Hypothetically," Wifies says, a bit weakly. Ken laughs.

"Hypothetically."

And maybe it doesn't matter, this realization. Maybe whether or not Ken should be scared of him doesn't matter. If Wifies has really felt this way since the taiga, then nothing has changed—he's been devoted to Ken in the same way since they met. How different can trust and hunger be, anyway?