#ive been reading some books for one of my classes and they talk a bit like this

[rooftops-are-for-towels]

Is the world out there as ill as the world in here? How often are you sick? How often is your family sick, how often are your friends? How often does sickness spread, how easy has it become to be sick- for you, for others? How long are you sick? At times, is it endless?

[gatorbites-imagines]

Heyy!! I love your blog and writing sm!!! I was wonderomg if you'd write somethjng with top/dom reader where the reader gets godly aftercare as well.. we need to normalize giving doms aftercare!! and your writing is my greatest comfort, finally someone writes for other than petite fem readers <333

Nanami Kento x male reader

Headcanons

You never specified which character you wanted me to write for, so I just picked one I felt would give amazing aftercare. Also cuz I don’t think many people realize I write for jjk.

Sorry ive been gone for a bit, but to no one’s surprise, classes are exhausting.

There are different kinds of aftercare, so it all really depends on what kind of dynamic you and Nanami have, and what you are in need of after. Nanami being as aware and loving as he is, would have an easy time figuring out what you need.

There might be times where all you need afterwards if to be held or to hold him, to know that he’s there and that Nanami still loves you and that he liked it very much. He is also the kind of person to have set up the different snacks or drinks you could need afterwards.

Knowing Nanami, he would probably even have some kind of small fridge to keep the drinks in, if it’s a cold drink you need to help center yourself after a rougher scene. If it’s a hot drink you need, he would make sure you were alright before going to get it.

Nanami is an efficient man, so it wouldn’t take long before he’s back again, your favorite mug in one hand, and the latest book he has been reading. Sometimes its enough to just sit together as he reads and you sip on whatever drink it is you need, and other times you need to just be held. Luckily for you, Nanami is a big guy, so that can also be done with no issue.

If its been a rougher scene and you need more than just some cuddles and a snack, Nanami would also be very on top of that. There is no way he would let the love of his life feel inadequate or gross about yourself.

There might be times where you think you are a horrible person because of the scenes you two do, or because of how rough you were, which could result in you pulling away or even having dom drop. But Nanami won’t let you sink too far, always pulling you back out of that dark pit before it gets to swallow you whole.

If you needed to cry, there would be no judgement from your lover, and if you just need to be alone, he would let you do that too. But hes gonna be setting up a nice shower or bath for when you are feeling better again.

Nanami has also always been a very honest guy, and believes strongly in communication in a relationship. So if what you needed was verbal reassurance, or to know how he felt, what you did right and what you did wrong, he would give it to you.

Communication wouldn’t just be for you though, since he himself also enjoys talking it over, to make sure you guys are both on the same wavelength and enjoyed it an equal amount. Sometimes talking about it in a more strategic manner could help center you both, and stop any spiraling thoughts or feelings.

It also wouldn’t be beneath Nanami to want to give you a rubdown if you were feeling a bit sore and exhausted. Sometimes its as much for him as it is for you, since it gives him a sense of peace to know that you are there, and that you are comfortable.

He probably has a whole routine he goes through if you are feeling too drained to move, or if you are feeling under the weather. Like wiping you both down before you get into the bath together, where Nanami would lovingly wash your hair and then his own. This is also where he would make sure you both are fine physically, just in case.

Nanami would get out of the bath first, letting you just vege out for a bit, as he goes to clean up the bedroom and get some new sheets and pillows on the bed, and getting out some clean sleep wear for you both.

You may have been the dom/top, but that doesn’t stop Nanami from taking care of you, as its something he loves to do on any day of the week, and if you need it after you guys have spent the night together you won’t hear any complaints.

After getting everything ready, Nanami would go back to help you out of the water, dry you off, and get you into the clothes you are comfortable in, before you two shuffle back to your room. And of course, he’s put the good sheets on the bed.

You’ll get a nice soft blush from him if you compliment him and thank him for all his hard work. He loves taking care of you the most, but that doesn’t mean Nanami doesn’t enjoy being praised and loved on by you too.

All in all, Nanami would know multiple ways to do aftercare, and is perspective enough to figure out what you need before you do. He would also never judge you for any kind of care you might need, as making you comfortable and happy always makes his heart flutter.

[that-one-gay-writer1227]

Hi! Good day I hope I'm not bothering you. Can I make a request about a Yan Venti x reader with a breeding kink? Hehehehe

His and Only His

A/N: Thank you so much for this request Anon! Don't worry, you're not bothering me! I actually had a lot of fun writing this request, so if anything your submission made my day a wee bit better! I wasn't sure if you wanted fem, masc, or neutral reader so I went ahead and wrote it as neutral but fem-bodied. I hope you don't mind! Also I apologize for the delay, I've been working on a personal project of mine unrelated to Tumblr lol. This is the first time ive written a yandere fic so i apologize if its not up to par, either way i hope you enjoy.

Summary: A certain bard has been hiding some very vivid feelings for you that are borderline obsessive, and one day he decides he wants to take you home and fill you up after an accidental confession <3

Warnings: smut, breeding kink, manipulative and possessive yandere themes, slight overstimulation, penetrative sex (the reader has a vagina), sub-reader, dom venti, oral giving (reader recieves), pet names (baby, cutie, etc. ), marking kink, !everything in here is fully consensual!

Tagging: @hitomisuzuya hey!!! I thought you might like this one since you also like yan venti fics lol.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and Venti met a few months ago in one of mondstat's most renowned taverns, the angel's share, and soon became drinking buddies. Usually, you two would talk about the most random things; your days, assholes you encountered, books you've read, and music.

Once you had mentioned that you were interested in learning how to write poetry venti jumped at the chance. Even started an entire class to teach poetry. Everyone thought it was for the public, but no; it'd be all for you. Everything he was doing was all for you.

He just couldn't stop thinking of you. Your smile, your voice, the way you walk, talk, and breathe.

Archons, from the first night he met you, he knew you just had to be his.

His to hold,

His to love,

His to breed

To be fully honest, he's had non-stop dreams and thoughts of you carrying his children. He's always wanted a family, for centuries he's thought about it. Raising a son or daughter in a life full of music and stories. Everything had started pure and innocent; it could have even been labeled a crush. But the more and more the two of you talked, he just couldn't help how often the thought of you being full of his seed would come to him. Slowly creeping into every one of his waking thoughts until you being fucked so full was the only thing he was concerned with anymore.

So here you are, late at night at angel's share waiting for your favorite bard to join you. It was just after new years, and the breeze was as gentle as ever in the wonderful city of mondstat. You had ordered a drink from diluc, the current bartender for the night and the owner of the place. You ordered a simple drink just to keep yourself company while waiting for Venti to arrive.

As if he had heard your thoughts, the blue-haired tone deaf bard walked in the door, a large grin plastered on his face and his lyre under his left arm. He waved hello to diluc and Jose before he went up the stairs to join you at your usual table. He took a seat in front of you and your half-finished drink. The second floor was nearly empty, leaving only the two of you under the candles aglow.

You smiled brightly at him. "Why hello stranger! fancy seeing you here." You teased making venti chuckle.

"Ehe same to you stranger, I actually came here looking for someone dear to me. Their name is y/n, you haven't seen them have you?" He teased back, locking eyes with you.

You couldn't help but feel your heart flutter a little. although your feelings were not nearly as intense as venti's, you had to admit you had definitely been struck by cupid to some degree. He was someone who intrigued you and made you laugh when no one else could, something you were very happy to have in life.

"I might have heard that name a few times, any more information on this Y/n?" You wanted to keep this going for just a little bit longer to see how much you could bring out. You were beyond curious and honestly the wine you'd had made you tipsy so there was no fear of him discovering your little crush.

This made him smirk. He placed his thumb under his chin and grazed his lips with a sweet slide of his index finger, feigning thought for a moment.

"Well, for starters they have beautiful eyes, as strong as the sea and as free as the seven winds. They have a talent for writing some of the most dazzling poetry! They also blush the same way you are right now, a jaw-dropping red more vibrant than the brightest apples in all of mondstat!" He bit his lip with a slight giggle as you felt your face be lit aglow.

You knew he liked to tease, and that was part of the reason that you developed feelings for him, but how did you not notice how direct it was before? Normally his teasing was simply a nickname, maybe a quick pickup line. But this? This was making your heart jump back and forth in your throat and chest.

"i- well you, i..." You felt the words get caught in your throat. what were you doing? You needed to pull yourself together before things got out of hand. Quickly trying to regain your composure, you'd sputtered a quick sentence, barely audible "Shh... my poetry isn't that good..."

"Well I beg to differ, I think it was stunning. I liked it with my whole heart." Venti was quick to retort. He was really trying to be the end of you tonight huh?

"Well I like you with my whole heart" You were convinced you'd thought. You were shocked to feel that your mouth was open as if you'd just said something. You slapped a hand over your mouth, eyes bugging out. Venti looked at you, blinking a few times before his expression changed.

"What was that songbird? Do you like me?" He teased, leaning forward to pull your hand from your mouth. It took little effort, as he then took his other hand and pulled your chin in his direction, leaning over just a little and glancing down at your lips. "I wanna hear you say it songbird."

Please, don't let this be a dream; you'd think. You weren't sure what you were expecting after accidentally blurting your heart out to your best friend, but this certainly was by far the best possible reaction. You took a quivering breath and uttered, "I...I like you."

Something in his eyes changed, he was still looking at your lips, going back and forth between your eyes and mouth. Now his eyes were glued to your lips, something darker overtaking them. Watching the words leave your tongue, watching the shapes you make when you talk, the melodies dripping out.

"Can I do something crazy?" Venti asked, hushed but confident. Something that sounded a little too perfect not to have been rehearsed. You nodded hesitantly before he leaned in slowly towards you.

You felt his breath tickle your neck softly, there was a pause as you leaned your head to the side giving him more access. you felt like you were on fire. His hand slid from your chin to the back of your neck, pulling you closer. He gave a soft chuckle before locking his lips around your neck.

You couldn't help the gentle mewl that left you when he began sucking on the tender skin. The hand tangled in your hair gently got tighter as his kisses grew hungrier and more passionate.

You felt the heat of the moment jump between your thighs as he climbed over the table quietly. His hunger for you didn't seem to quench as he kissed your neck, it only became stronger. He began biting different spots on your neck, kneading the flesh with his teeth and tongue. It was only when you heard a group of people from downstairs leave that you realized that you both were on display, all it took was someone looking up.

You pushed him off you slightly, making him look at you confused and a little hurt.

"Can we go somewhere private, I don't want everyone to see us up here." his look softened as your words settled with him, he nodded and stood up, grabbing your hand.

~~~~~~~~~~

The walk to your home wasn't far. You lived in the capital of mondstat in a small apartment near the inn. It was just more convenient for the sweet bard to keep an eye on you, and to get closer to you. You fumbled your keys, trying to open the door quickly and distractedly.

Venti wrapped his hands around your waist, placing his nose in the crook of your neck, softly breathing you in. His hands squeezed ever so slightly tighter as if to preview what you were in for.

"Absolutely divine..." was all he muttered before a gentle breeze blew past you, opening your door.

You paid the weird phenomenon no mind as you grabbed his hand, leading him inside.

"Please don't mind the mess, I wasn't expecting company." Your shy mumbling was cut off when venti pushed you against the wall, going back to kissing your neck. He grabbed your sides, pulling your flesh against him. You could feel how hard he had grown just from kissing alone.

The sensation of feeling his hands finally being on you, the taste of your skin. It was intoxicating to him. He let his hands travel from your hips to palm the outside of your sex. He could feel how needy you'd grown from his touching. You bucked your hips into his hand as if telling him what you were so desperate for.

"Have patience sweet y/n. You'll get what you're so needy for when it's time." He moved from kissing your neck down, down, and down until he was sitting in front of you on his knees. He looked up at you with slitted and dangerous eyes. something you'd never seen on him before.

He began peppering kisses along the outside of your clothing, barely sending little shocks straight to your core.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this, how long I've wanted to taste you." He pulled the hem of your pants, snapping the band closed. He let out a soft hum and looped his fingers, pulling your pants and undergarments down to his level.

The way his eyes glistened in desire was mesmerizing. He leaned forwards, nuzzling his nose onto the front of your folds, sending a chill down your spine. "Open your legs wide for me, songbird."

You did as told, lifting one leg over his shoulder, the other turned outwards to give him a better angle. He took this invite to slowly and passionately kitten lick everything his tongue would touch.

The room was filled with loud sounds of his mouth working wonders and your earthly moans. You gripped his hair as to take attention from your shaking, damn near faltering legs. you couldn't help the bucks you were making against his face. You loved the way he was moaning against your dripping sex, slurping every last drop you had to offer.

You felt the coil in your stomach growing tighter and tighter as you clenched your thighs around his head. His hands left his sex and under your thighs, pulling you closer and closer until you could only see his eyes peeking from under your flesh. Without warning, your riding became fevered, bucking widely you came all over his mouth.

Without missing a beat he ate every last drop, whining and whimpering at how absolutely amazing you tasted to him. When he was finished, he stood up on wobbly knees, still high from your orgasm, and kissed you sloppily.

You could taste your release on his tongue and the need in his passion. You bit his lip, trying to gain dominance, but you were only met with him sliding his tongue into your mouth, exploring every inch he could find refuge in. You wrapped your hands around his neck as he lifted you up.

With your hips around him, he took you to the couch and laid down on top of him. You kept your legs wrapped around his waist as he ground into you.

"Tell me what you want me to do to you," He commanded, propped up on his elbows above you, still grinding. his breath dancing over your face.

"Archons, please stop....teasing, I ne..need you to fuck me please-" You whimpered quietly feeling your need stronger than ever. You wanted to feel him stretching you, splitting you. His hands gripping your waist as he pounded into you.

He didn't say anything, he only leaned down and kissed you. His lips soft and methodic. He sent one of his hands down to your chest, gently squeezing, making you moan. He took the advantage to explore your mouth yet again. Taking your tongue and gently sucking on it.

You arched your back into his touch as he began taking his clothes off. Slowly, almost tauntingly he exposed more and more of himself.

Eventually, you both were left bare. His beautiful form in front of you. You blushed at what was to come. He spread your legs apart and leaned forward to kiss you again. You wrapped your hands around his neck and his hair as he lined his cock at your entrance.

He reached a hand out and cupped your cheek.

"You are mine. I need to hear you say that you're mine and only mine," He whispered to you. There was lust behind it, but also something more. Almost a desperation for you to reassure him that you weren't anyone else's. He needed to know that he was all you'd ever need.

"I'm yours. Only yours."

That was all he needed. A newfound primal drive pumping through his brain. His click, his trigger, and you just pulled it. He plunged into you. Starting very slowly, watching how he disappeared inside of you.

You arched your back and tightened your legs around his back, making him sink into you faster. He started thrusting his leaking cock into your soaked cunt, making you moan vibrantly.

"I've been dreaming....dreaming of you taking me like this. beg-begging for me not to stop. You wanna be full of my seed? Full of my fucking cum?" You nodded at his question without hesitation, without regard to the fact that there'd be no way out of this if he filled you. "Beg for it....beg for my cum."

But Why would you want to escape?

His hand dipped to your sex, swirling his fingers as he pumped into you. His balls tight and slapping against your ass, he gripped his hand around your flesh tight enough to leave bruises and shot hot strings of cum deep into you. Warmth spread into you as he drilled into you.

Little did you know neither would be getting up for a very long time, I mean, you were his, so it was only natural that he made your neighbors aware of that fact. He had to make sure you took to his seed, that you only remembered how to moan his name.

After all, you were his and only his. Forever and always.

[pbaz7]

excited excited!!!

My Delta flight to Hartford, Connecticut, was set to depart soon

only good things happen in connecticut

Adjusting the strap of my carry-on

I know damn well you put this in for me...

first-class boarding, I stepped forward,

damn first class! lil Paigey rich in every universe

Azzi Fudd. That’s ironic.

Azzi Fudd oh how ive missed you

I turned toward her, offering a small but confident smile. “Good morning.”

why did this make me cringe

I let the silence linger, enjoying the moment before saying. “I hope you have a great game, Azzi Fudd.”

oh so she's a fan

“You know who I am?”

PUHLEAASE

“So, are you a UConn fan, or…?”

who isn't atp

“Must be a big game for you to make the trip.”

there's a bigger picture and reason I know there is

I let the silence stretch a little longer before glancing at her. "You always sit next to people who know exactly who you are, or am I just lucky?"

just being able to look at Azzi Fudd not through a screen is one of life's greatest wonders so you better be grateful miss Paige bueckers

I chuckled. "You tell me. What do I look like?"

she's always so cryptic

Azzi gives me a curious look so I simply add, “Tore my ACL.”

oh. suddenly I have the urge to stop reading

I turned toward her, meeting her gaze with a confident ease. "You'll figure it out."

was she really famous before tearing that dang acl or...

After a while, I reached into my bag and pulled out a book, flipping it open to where I’d left off.

LMAO Paige would NEVER even dare to do as much as touch a book

“Not many people our age read these days.”

why is azzi the talkative one in this universe lmao

I chuckled at that, licking my slightly dry lips before I titled my head. “Twenty-two.”

god she's so fine YIRUGHIEOWAASWEFIRWBPI

the words on the page suddenly a little less interesting than the person sitting next to me.

well no duh it's azzi fudd

I chuckled. “I’m not much of a talker these days.”

how does it feel to lie...

I leaned back, letting the suspense build for a second before finally answering, “I’ve always been a South Carolina fan.”

PAIGE WOULD NEVER

“Point guard.”

hey Geno! lookie here! this is the position Paige is supposed to be playing!

I saw the way she took in the difference, her eyes narrowing just a little before she smirked to herself.

oh how I love tall women

Before I could think twice, I reached up, easily grabbing it for her and setting it down with a polite smile.

gentlewoman p as always

It wasn’t much, but I knew what she saw—how the muscles, usually understated, tensed for just a second, giving away what I was in fact an athlete.

I just wanna lick her biceps I mean what!

I huffed a quiet laugh, shifting my weight slightly. “You’ll see me, don’t worry.”

sticking to that mysterious vibe I guess

a small smirk tugged at Paige’s lips as she adjusted the strap of her bag

author... twice in one chapter is CRAZY

Paige’s smile softened, but there was something thoughtful in her expression. “Not much to give these days.”

bro what did this girl go through to mess her up this bad

The waiter jotted it down, her eyes flicking back to Paige, clearly intrigued. “I’ve never seen you around here before,” she said, voice tinged with interest. “I would’ve remembered a face like that.”

if I had a dollar istg

Paige set her cup down, her expression unreadable. “And what type do I seem like?”

mine😋

“Can I get you anything else gorgeous?”

sorry I just threw up in my mouth a little bit

Azzi let out a soft laugh, shaking her head. "Fine, but I’m getting it next time."

next time?

"I need you to be open-minded tomorrow, okay?"

pardon...

ok so what

she's gotta be their new like intern or assistant coach or some shit

wait im so intrigued this would be such a good movie idea I actually need this

loved this sm!!!

this is alr one of my favs of urs

-🍉

I know damn well you put this in for me...

whore

"So, are you a UConn fan, or...?" who isn't atp

yeah it’s actually crazy

there's a bigger picture and reason I know there is

there sure is

LMAO Paige would NEVER even dare to do as much as touch a book

lmao Azzi actually said Paige likes to read

I just wanna lick her biceps I mean what!

hm 🤨

bro what did this girl go through to mess her up this bad

good q

i’m actually so glad you like it because i’m winging this whole thing 😭😭

i’m excited to tackle it tho

[spectrum-core]

STEPHCLAIR IS BAD AND YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD

Alternative title: a very angry (and tired) Full Stop fan's thesis.

ok, so me being the stephan/sinclair comparison's strongest hater is a bit i really like to lean into, but for the sake of keeping things semi-serious i will try to keep the actual essay content as free of me ranting my frustrations as humanly possible (which i mean commitement to the bit aside this will be hard bc it is frustrating to see people calling them both the same character, at best it shows a very surface level understanding of either character and at worst it shows just reducing them to cookie cutter meme fandom archetypes neither character actually fits into, so bear with me if i slip up and make unserious comments from time to time)

so before i start the actual essay let me say this: this essay doesnt even scratch the surface of how much i hate this comparison you guys cant even possibly fucking imagine ive been obssessed and i mean OBSSESSED with the full stop office since 2021 and im glad i wasnt in the limbus prerelease fanbase because if i had to see people comparing my beautiful boy and beloved best friend to a guy we had no info about other than "hes based of the guy from demian" i would have turned into the joker this is not even about saving my own mental health this is about sparing the entire pjm fandom of the monster i would have turned into

spoilers for ruina and limbus, universe terminology heavy and surface level references and interpretations of demian by herman hesse because imma keep it real with you guys the first and only time i read that book i was still in high school and i barely remember shit.

Table of contents:

Stephan - a summary

Sinclair - a summary 2.1. Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919) 2.2. Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

Addressing common arguments

1.- Stephan - a summary

And of course I will start with Stephan, because I love him very much, just like Liwei he's one of my favorite pjm characters (yeah i like him more than your favorite popular character don't ask) so it's not surprising that i have A Lot to say about him, right?

And of course, I do.

As I said in the serrated duo post, a core part of my perception of the Full Stop office depends on the fact that they are poor. Mentions of money are common all across many factions in the game, yes, but the Full Stops are extremely constant about money, how taking a wrong turn means losing more than they can afford, how they can't afford to drop their weapons because they were too expensive, how even getting the permissions to be able to buy and wield these weapons was ridiculously expensive and so on. Of course, Stephan is the one talking about this the most (something I will elaborate on later), but Liwei and Tamaki also make a few ocassional mentions to it in their dialogue and keypages and considering this is a shared business it just makes sense that this is something that affects all of them.

These are just some few of the callbacks to money that Stephan alone does in his dialogue, without focusing in keypage text or what Liwei and Tamaki have to say about it.

And idk man, at least to me the difference between social classes is an important aspect for their characterization, specially because of how constant the concern with money is for Stephan. From this point alone comparing them feels like erasing a core aspect of Stephan's characterization, a lot about Stephan (and the Full Stop office as a whole, let's be real here) starts making more sense once you read the office as lower-middle class (and I'm saying lower middle class because they can afford some place to live and their weapons, but to me these guys are the types who precisely because of their need to keep bullets at all times can't pay for water or electricity all the time and sometimes they simply can't afford food or if they do they can spend a week straight eating nothing but unsalted pasta).

Now, going back to Stephan being the most outward about his complaints with money, he is in general the most outward about all problems the office is facing, to the point in which he doesn't mind inconveniencing everyone else with his rants, being one of the few guests who interrupt Angela's introductory speech and getting into Tamaki's nerves (something he's well aware he's doing, as these two know each other) at least two times through the course of their pre-battle cutscene, even Roland comments after the reception on how he wishes he would always have been as open about his problems as Stephan was.

However, it's worth nothing that he doesn't spend the entire cutscene crying about his miseries, and he only starts losing hope at three key moments: when they can't kill Eileen inmediately (making them waste more bullets than needed), when Argalia shows up (forcing them to retreat and making them fail their mission, meaning they won't get paid for this after they already lost a ton of money, as well as turning the situation into something much more dangerous than what they had signed up for) and once they enter the Library (an Urban Plague grade threat they have little to no information about, when him and Tamaki are almost out of bullets so Liwei is essentially the only fixer with some chance of putting up a fight and, you know, making it out alive).

Now, while it's true that Stephan is someone who dislikes danger, he isn't someone who isn't used to seeing gruesome events, his instinctive reaction to seeing a guy getting his head put into a meat grinder was cracking jokes and calling the concept of thought gears "a load of horseshit", which is something that falls in line with him being a somewhat experienced Fixer (sure, grade 5 isn't amazing but we can assume it's still either in the higher side of average or barely above average, and for someone specialized in firearms, which are far from the best weapon in the city, getting that high means he must have some experience and skill, right? more so considering he's been at this for 5 years at most) who has seen a fair share of horrid shit and can be unfazed by (most of) it as long as his own safety isn't on the line.

Another point is... he dislikes danger and is always wary about money and expenses, to the point in which he enjoys checking his bank account (or at least he believes so, if we go for the theory of the artbook profiles being more a mix of what the characters perceive themseves as/would describe themselves as to others, which is a theory i go by, I see him as someone who's convinced he does that for fun instead as out of desperation), but this seems to be more a generalized feeling of impending doom at everything rather than something that can be traced back to a particular traumatic event (anything can be dangerous, anything can cost him money), dude's from the backstreets after all, he's seen shit and he's used to assuming the worst. How I see Stephan, he's a guy who already expects bad things to happen but once things go wrong he starts freaking out about how this time They're Screwed For Real, but he never really tricks himself into believing "maybe things will turn out just fine this time?" or who thinks "well, we've done this before, surely we can handle it again."

This is not very related to Stephan as a character in terms of personality but I think it's still an important point to make as it is particularly related to body mods, his physical condition and his body shape.

So we can easily say that Stephan is a strong dude, at least if compared to real world standards without the fancy and insane body mods we see people in the city have access to. He carries that huge rifle around with his bare hands, something that Tamaki doesn't do and that not even Stephan himself in earlier iterations of his dessign did, and his main talent (which based of my theories is something that can be assumed as "something he's proud enough of to consider it the thing he does best") is physical labor.

Pictured, Tamaki's talksprite, carrying a rifle almost as long as she is tall with a strap supporting the weight on her shoulders, like a normal person.

Also pictured, an earlier iteration of Stephan's dessign, carrying the same rifle his current version does, but also holding it with the help of a similar strap supporting the weight on his shoulders.

And finally, Stephan's current dessign, holding that shit with his bare fucking hands in an exhibition of his brute animal strength, what the fuck is wrong with this man (affectionate)

And Stephan's artbook profile, the important part here is his speciality being physical labor, not only he's strong but he aknowledges this.

However, I made a point about the Full Stop office being poor, right? Even Roland says that "giving a whole office augmentation procedures is cheaper than keeping a decent supply of bullets in stock" (not the exact phrasing).

At least personally, I see this as Roland essentially saying "it would be cheaper (and more efficient) to get body mods for everyone in the office and buy another (cheaper) type of weaponry instead", but as things stand, the Full Stops can afford to either buy more ammunition and maintain their weapons, OR to get body mods, and since their whole deal is firearms... well, they can't really Stop investing in them, meaning they have no body mods At All and they got their grades purely out of their own physical strength.

Similarly, Stephan makes a similar point about how body augmentations are required for people to be able to run while carrying their weapons around (specifically talking about the rifles he and Tamaki use).

And... you know, the whole point is that they couldn't run carrying their weapons because they were too heavy, Argalia mocked them for that, Liwei urged them to drop their weapons, something they refused to do because of the prices.

Lastly on this point, while it's true that Ruina talksprites have a very bad case of Long Anime Legs (to the point in which how Roland's legs take about 2/3 of his height is a common joke), if we focus only on his head and torso, Stephan looks pretty Wide, and not only because he's wearing thick, fluffy and multilayered clothing, as other characters wearing similar clothing styles still look thinner than him.

This is all to say: I don't think this guy is a twink, or thin at all. He's a prime example of the strongman build to me and this is yet another hill I'm willing to die on watch project moon turn him into a beanpole once he inevitably shows up in limbus and me turning into the first real world distortion as a consequence.

Finally, Stephan is very notoriously the most informal member of the office, not only being the only one who doesn't wear any sort of formal clothing fully prioritizing comfort and practicality over looks but also completely disregarding formalities with his attitude at work (again, he interrupts Angela's introductory monologue, and again, his first two lines when being introduced are him cracking jokes), being the only member of the office to swear on screen and using several informal expressions and metaphors through both the reception dialogue and his keypage story.

And for good measure, he's a compilation of Stephan being the creature he is.

The literal introduction of the characters, also known as the moment in which Stephan became one of my favorite characters because he's Just Like Me Fr

Very normal behavior for someone who hates blood and violence and isn't used to seeing it. This man is more than capable (and willing, assuming money is involved) to murder kill.

Which, I mean, this attitude is very different from what we see from Sinclair.

2.- Sinclair, a summary

In retrospect I probably should have made this one first because I'm gonna be honest with you, Sinclair is one of the sinners I care about the least (I still like him and think he's pretty cool mind you I just don't vibe too much with most of the tropes making up the character) so what I have to say about him is less me grasping for straws and subtext because I don't care enough about him to be bothered with a super serious and in depth analysis like I did with Stephan and more things we can explicitly see about him in game and things that happen in the novel Demian.

And if I can have a small parenthesis here, people saying that one of my favorite pjm guys Ever is in any way similar to a guy who despite being pretty cool is just Not the type of character I fully vibe with... really, it gets annoying fast. Anyway back to the serious analysis now.

2.1- Emil Sinclair in Demian (1919)

To be able to understand Sinclair as he is depicted in Limbus Company, it is important to first be familiar with the source material of the original iteration of the character, that's it we're doing your high school homework by compiling several literary analysis of a symbolic psychological early 20th century autobiographical novel i hope you guys signed up for this (and if you didn't, though luck! i will do this anyway, I love literary analysis).

In the novel, young Emil finds himself torn between the worlds of light (which can be equated to the Garden of Eden, but it's more tangible meaning for our protagonist is his childhood home and family, a serene and well structure/organized space where he can be innocent, untainted by the evils of the outside world) and darkness (basically all the scary shit that goes on outside, where people do evil things for the sake of it), he finds himself tempted by the violence of the outside world, particularly through the actions of his classmate Franz Kromer, which eventually leads him to consider that due to being exposed to this tainted world of evil he no longer can return to the world of good and innocence.

Here, the character of Demian acts as a guide, someone who helps Sinclair to trascend this binary perception of good vs evil and to see himself as someone worthy of happiness because him witnessing the world of evil didn't taint him as a person but rather merely showed him another face of the world, Demian here mentions the Mark of Cain as a symbol of mental strenght and freedom, considering that bearers of this mark are capable of making their own choices and should be able to go beyond their assigned roles, being able to embody aspects of both worlds. This is to say that Demian's view is less focused on good vs evil, instead taking a more order vs chaos approach (without giving an explicit moral character to either).

In the book, the symbol of a bird breaking out of the egg is frequently used to represent Emil's personal growth, the egg represents safety and innocence, but a bird must eventually leave the egg or it will die, and getting out of the egg is a process than can be seen as violent, as a bird must fight to get out of the egg, and getting out of the egg represents birth but also an irreversible change, it can be seen as breaking out of the world of light and getting permanently in the world of darkness since a broken shell can't be fixed, but it can also mean achieving the enlightment and personal balance to not feel permanently bound to a condition, place or state of being and therefore growing as a person by learning to see himself as a whole human instead of supressing his "evil side" by only forcing the "good side" to surface.

Max Demian is here to show this second meaning of growth/self improvement (while also explaining that Sinclair is permamently growing and must always keep this balance between all the parts conforming the whole being that is himself rather that trying to make parts of himself antagonize each other). This idea of personal growth being one of the core themes of the book.

2.2- Emil Sinclair in Limbus Company (2023)

With Sinclair's source media analyzed (at a very surface level, mind you), we now can start talking about the depiction of Sinclair in Limbus Company, how it parallels the book, why the book symbolism is important for this instance of Sinclair and so on.

When we are first introduced to Sinclair in the game he's clearly nervous, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do as he hasn't worked for a similar company before and he isn't used to the gruesome sight of the bus eating people, this does fit inmediately in the motif of a naive person with limited experience about the world (well, to be fair to him most people won't be seeing man-eating buses at a regular basis, but the average backstreets dweller would be familiar with equally violent situations).

With this said, despite Sinclair's obviously nervous behavior... he isn't really a pessimist like Stephan was, in fact, almost every chapter (counting cantos, intervallos and the short mini chapters such as the Dante's notes update episode) have at least one key moment with him trying to rationalize horrible stuff as something much less violent, or simply going "but I thought this thing didn't work like this..." when confronted with the more horrible realities in the city. He thought the G corp veterans were really going to let them pass without a fight, he thought the people being controlled by headhens were just actors wearing mascot costumes, he thought mermaids were the beautiful half-woman half-fish creatures he heard about in fairy tales, and there's more examples but I don't really feel like looking for The Entire Fucking Plot Because This Guy Is An Actual Protagonist Instead Of A Background Guy Like Stephan Was to make my point clearer than it already is. And it's only when he realizes that the real world doesn't fit his expectations that he panics.

Well, there is one exception to this pattern: his own canto. Here, he panics inmediately as soon as K corp's nest is mentioned and spends the first half of the chapter pleading to turn back while saying that they are going to get killed. So what is different here with the rest of the plot?

Obviously, the fact that is related to his very own very personal very specific trauma. That is to say, unlike Stephan who is wary of anything that can put him on danger or cost him more money than it should, Sinclair has a very specific traumatic event that makes him act Like That (sure, he gets scared and nervous outside that, but these are more normal "I'm unfamiliar with this and I don't fully know how to react, this is normal behavior in a human being" reactions than outright "I am Actually Terrified due to being reminded of an actual traumatic event, this reaction is a textbook definition of post-traumatic stress disorder").

HOWEVER, Sinclair being someone who's deeply traumatized and kind of a scaredy cat when it comes to violence and unfamiliar situations... it doesn't mean that he's incompetent or a bad fighter. Almost all of his identities are terrifyingly good fighters (at least in their lore), Los Mariachis fear jefe Sinclair, Cinq director Sinclair is someone most association members are terrified to duel even during training, Blade Lineage Sinclair is considered a talented killer (it's also worth noting that save maybe for the mariachi one, in none of these mirror worlds Sinclair is precisely happy of being recognized as "the guy who's very scary when he fights people", unlike Stephan who I don't think he particularly likes killing but has a more "as long as I get paid..." mentality about it), the only "not very good at this" Sinclair id I can think of is the molar boatworks id where he's more a mechanic than a fighter so he fears he's lagging behind in that aspect. Hell, even the Canon Timeline so to speak (which is to say: his base identity) has him carrying that huge halberd, going on a frenzy attacking some already mutilated inquisitor's corpse, piercing through Guido's armor and dealing a fatal blow that finally killed him for real. To compare, Stephan is good at physical work, but we don't know about his close combat capacities other than the fact that he dislikes it, for Sinclair however we know he's terrifyingly good at physical combat.

Now, I've seen a lot of people call Sinclair a twink and while it's one of these words that nobody agrees on what it means, let's give it the benefit of doubt and say "alright, for the duration of this analysis let's settle on a twink being a young looking (regardless of actual age), thin man with almost no facial/body hair".

Since Sinclair is a rich guy (not just Any Rich Guy though, we're talking of someone whose family had ties to a Wing, probably not some elite guy like Daniel or Hong Lu, but not a self perceived "mediocre" nest dweller like Samjo either), and pressumably not very experienced in combat in most mirror worlds (we know he has no prior experience in the base one where he joined Limbus, at least), let's say that he has enough body mods for him to be much stronger than he looks like despite being thin, he does look thin and young and much to my dissapointment he also has no facial hair, so yeah, under this very broad definition of the term he is a twink.

However if you start adding personality archetypes to the definition he stops being one almost inmediately, as we've been shown time after time that his "submissive" attitude is mostly a result of him not knowing too well how to impose himself and just going along with what the rest say or do, but he's starting to grow tired of that ever since Hell's Chicken (even if he clearly still isn't great at that), as it should be more than obvious for anyone who even just googled "demian herman hesse literary analysis", Sinclair is undergoing a lot of changes even now, and the game is doing a good job at portraying that.

Honestly I also think he'd be hotter with a sleeper build but really, I don't care enough about him to argue about that.

And for the last point, precisely due to his upbringing as a rich guy AND his traumatic experience with Kromer, Sinclair is not only a very polite and mild mannered guy (again, unlike resident creature Stephan), but also he tries to take as little space as possible, both literally and metaphorically, as Dante notices near the end of canto 3 when they finally comment on how Sinclair never talks about his own problems until it's too late because he doesn't want to bother the others as they probably have it worse (again, unlike Stephan "i don't mind loweing team morale and making everyone in the room uncomfortable as long as i get to vent" Full Stop office).

3.- Adressing common arguments

Alright, now that I talked about each character, let's see some of the most common arguments I've seen people use to compare them.

"They look the same!" No, they don't. The only thing they have in common is being blonde but even their hairstyles are different with Sinclair having a simple bowl-ish cut with slightly wavy hair and Stephan having curlier hair (not to mention the whole point I made about body types because I'm the sort of lunatic who cares about that stuff). I won't even bother with this argument.

"They have the same personalities!" Again, they don't. Stephan is very cynical with a lot of his attitude being clearly derivated from him coming from a poor background and having stayed there his whole life, he also doesn't care about his cynism getting in the way and bothering everyone else. On the other hand, Sinclair is someone who could almost be described as naive due to having lived a sheltered childhood and only having his experiences with Kromer and his time at Limbus as moments of realizing that the rest of the world is Not Like His Childhood House, still believing that the world is a binary of good vs evil and expecting things to turn out fine or be much better than they actually are, just to be hit with the reality of the city Not being a nice place where people are nice and polite and not trying to kill him, this is not to say he doesn't have his own issues but even Dante notices during his Canto that Sinclair makes a point to avoid bothering everyone else with his personal problems, keeping them to himself even if that makes things worse on the long run.

"Both are opposed and harmed by a lunatic!" This is an argument I've seen a lot and is incredibly filmsy at best, half of the city's population are lunatics and the other half are people who got opposed by them some way or another. Will you say that Ishmael and the rest of the Pequod crew can be compared to the Full Stop office (or really, even mention the other Full Stop fixers instead of just focusing on Stephan because he happens to be blonde and can be compared to Sinclair) because of their situations with Ahab? Or the W Corp crew who got their train targetted by Jae-heon and Elena (or, you know, the train passengers who were turned into Love townspeople or puppets)? What about the Vermillion Cross who got killed by the Reverb Ensemble? Or the Cane office fixers? or the Zwei association section 6 who got beaten to death by Gyeong-mi just because he felt like doing so? Or the Liu association section 1 who had to deal with Argalia taking Philip away? Or the Kurokumo clan members when they were attacked by Tanya? You aren't comparing them to either Stephan or Sinclair, right? Not to mention that in her weird and fucked up perception of things, Kromer was less opposed to Sinclair as she was trying to lead him to join her and her cause, even the last things she says before getting killed are her calling him to follow her.

"Both are compared to birds!" Oh, right, because I forgot that a very directed symbolic comparison to a baby bird breaking out of it's shell as a symbol of rebirth, learning about the nuances of the world and self improvement/liberation that is consistently used in the source material Sinclair comes from is exactly the same as one (1) throwaway line the big bad guy uses to mock not only Stephan but the whole Full Stop gang, right. And if you want to say "but Tamaki compares him to a bird once too", yeah she calls him a parrot because he keeps repeating the same complaints over and over, it's still not the same as a consistent metaphor.

"Both are sad blonde twinks! They're essentially the same guy." Sad? Yeah, everyone in the city is sad but their ways to be sad are polar opposites, and neither of them is the pure cinnamon roll uwu crybaby archetype people tend to lump both into, Stephan was merely having a bad day and people decided to make that his whole personality (when honestly we get more insight on his actual personality before Argalia shows up, when he's making sarcastic remarks and getting impatient because they weren't starting killing people fast enough) but he's still perfectly capable (and willing) to murder people, and Sinclair is just... someone who lacks experience about the real world and how it works and has a tendency to get nervous because of this, but he can adapt quickly to situations once he understands them. Blonde? Yeah, but I guess if that's a point to draw a comparison then we should also compare them to Don Quixote, the Tiphereths, Lenny, Yun, Lulu, Olga, every single npc, librarian, and agent who comes with blonde hair from the generator... Twinks? Stephan absolutely isn't one, Sinclair depends on how you define twink as nobody seems to get to an agreement with that, if you define it as merely "young looking thin man with almost no visible body hair" then yeah he is one, but if you go for any more specific definition than that he stops fitting into the definition almost instantly.

In conclusion: if I see anyone else comparing them I'll start blocking people liberally bc I'm sick of seeing that shit (I do that already tbh but just so you know), now scram

[unionizedwizard]

don't. mind me 👍

i guess it's just. well. i feel a lot better these days, i only have to make sure to (ffxiv momence) look to the future and let go of the past, which is fun because i can literally not think about anything that happened between 1998 and, like, 2022 without Experiencing Extreme, Localized Endsinger-sponsored Despair and Pain. And also, technically 2018-2022 is not that bad of a period compared to the previous decades, but it's got its own specific flavor of Unsettling, because 1) I Forgor. like i literally forgot 90% of this time period. 2) every time i talk to my friends (who knew me back then) they mention something i said/did during these years and it feels. So wildly out of character. Like "he would not fucking say that" except that i apparently did, and i have no recollection of anything but i'll have to take their word for it, and it's. hm. terrifying! It's like my body was piloted by another consciousness for, like, 4 years straight, i forgot all the books i've read, all the new people i've met, most of the conversations i've had, pretty much all i remember (sort of) clearly is my cats, and even then the timeline is extremely blurry. I know it's a widespread and rather normal phenomenon to look back on your past self and feel like they're a stranger, lost to you now, but i cannot stress enough how literal this is for me. I really feel like i've been replaced by a doppelganger for four years. My blog (main) is, i think, more recent than that because i remember deactivating at some point so ive lost a lot of archives, but even then, when i scroll back several years, i mostly have no idea what 80% of my posts are about and have no memory of anything

But on the other hand, ive felt basically as if i was my 20yo self again since 2022. Extremely weird. I had this.... weird.... merging.... memory.... moment on august 1st 2022 and when i woke up i *was* the person who lay down To Die For Real in april 2018. it was. so confusing for so very long. i knew where i was because i was living in the same place and woke up in the same bed i'd been lying in back then, but everything else was ????. it even took time to adapt to my CATS, i only remembered catgar for a bit since he was there in 2018

and the weirdest thing was that suddenly, memories i couldnt access for four years (2018-2022), and specifically knowledge i couldnt recall during this time period... suddenly came back. clear as day. for four years i'd been trying to remember pretty much everything i'd read and learned in my philosophy classes in uni, and it didnt work, even trying to read the books themselves didnt work because everything felt blurry and nonsensical and illegible. this was one of the reasons i had to give up on my philosophy major when i went back to uni in september 2018. and then suddenly, after "i" (this self who had been to university as a philosophy major) woke up in august 2022, i could remember everything i'd studied from 2015-2018, with astonishing clarity. i didnt even need to make an effort, words and ideas came back to me spontaneously and everything made sense again! but on the other hand, pretty everything i had read and studied in uni (as a comparative literature major) from 2018-2022 was Lost. blurry and nonsensical and flat-out Forgotten to this day. and i still hold (some) memories from this time too, so it's really strange to try and make everything make sense. truly like two badly mixed set of memories/selves having to cohabit, on a daily basis

anyway that's not what i meant to say in the first place. but something that's becoming... more and more pressing, and real, these days (more of a long, months-long process) is that. well. i remember so much of my childhood and teen years, with such perfect clarity, and i've only told a tiny fraction of these memories to friends (and usually expunged from actual emotional weight. comedic deflection is my middle name). and i know i need to stop talking about these awful, terrible, sordid stories at all because it doesn't... do anything good. it hurts people who hear them, usually they can't stand it too (understandably so), and it is true that it makes me feel worse, but. and that's the problem. then why. what was it all for. will it all simply be ignored, denied, and then forgotten after i die with no one to remember about it? not only did i not get the most basic nurturing most people get (as infants!), which is actively ruining my life to this day, and which effects can only be somewhat lessened over time (if *i* put in the effort, which is. exhausting AND unfair to boot), not only did i lack these basic foundations... but i have to hollow myself out of whatever *is* there, too, for both my sake and others'? what then will remain of me? a ghost of a ghost, emptied out of all the filth and pain and poison at best, like i was simply born as a 25 years old? i never felt like an actual human person to begin with! the alienation is as old as i am!

I already forgot and was alienated from my 20 to 24 years old self, and i should also... simply ignore and repress and keep quiet everything else that i've experienced my whole life? This feels so unfair! My memories are the only thing testifying to this injustice, everyone else simply is rewriting the truth to make it convenient and comfortable (mother's side), or flatly ignoring everything out of a sense of unease (guilt?) (father's side). Should one simply erase this child from the world at all? From reality? From collective memory? It's not the child's fault their very presence brings suffering and discomfort to anyone who even glimpses them. And why should we keep ignoring them? And yet it *is* the best option. So really, what was it all for? There's no possible closure or understanding or justice or retribution or forgiveness or revenge, should i simply pretend none of this ever existed? There is no justice in this world, and i don't even know what form a possible justice could take in an ideal world, and i don't believe in heaven or anything like that, and i'm tired of looking to the future without having any kind of secure network and having to rely on myself only for everything and trust in my own resilience, but also this can never be remedied and i know it (don't "found family" me please) and it's just like.

how do you live with the knowledge that nobody ever came to your help, nobody rescued you or even tried to, you had to do it all yourself, and this can never be changed or helped, and if you look to the past it will only burden and destroy you further as well as harm the people who now care about you and are in your life, and you can't fix anything and the only way is forward, and erasing your entire childhood self, your memories (the good mixed with the bad) is the only way to keep on living? should i have to erase myself to have the faintest hope to live? i'm a hollowed-out mind in the best days, when this can be construed as lightness. is this fair? is this fair? is this fair?

[hongluboobs]

book reader i have a copy of dream of the red chamber (volume 1) that ive been trying to get through for over a year how do i motivate myself to finish it

I'm recently coming out of a half a year ish period of not reading very much so trust me when I say the lack of motivation comes for us all. I think I have some tips for how to motivate reading in general+ some for DOTRC specifically :)

(Real quick, I assume because you mentioned a volume 1 you're talking about the Hawkes-David translation published by Penguin in five volumes under the name 'The Story of The Stone'. This is the translation I read through, and it's the one I see recommended most to english speakers looking for an enjoyable reading experience, so to any other prospective readers of this novel I HIGHLY recommend reading this translation as opposed to any other ones. I don't know if I need to say this or if it's well-known to seek out that version, but because Hong Lu's canto is coming up I want to make sure anyone interested in reading through the source material can have the best experience possible with it👍)

It's important to remember that reading is a hobby, and the best way to keep going with it is to make it a habit. Unfortunately, this means forcing yourself to read sometimes, but it comes easier the more you do it. The trick is: it doesn't have to be a lot of reading.

The hard part for me is really just picking up the book and starting to read. Normally with books I like to set a goal of a chapter or so per day, but because this book has longer chapters that wasn't always feasible for me, especially if I had stuff to do. But once I had the book in my hands and started reading I would usually go above my goal I had set :)

Last year a lot of my DOTRC reading was done while I was waiting in line for things, getting/eating food, waiting on the bus, or killing time between classes/during boring lectures (I don't know if I'd advise that last one). This is moreso once you get in the rhythm of things, though.

Another tip is sometimes the format is the thing to stop me. I don't know if you're reading from a physical book or an ipad/kindle/etc or a computer or what, but sometimes I read better on my laptop than other things because it's Always Around. Sometimes I don't feel like grabbing a book or I don't have it with me, but my laptop's already open and I'm bored so maybe I'll do a little bit of reading instead of scrolling social medias. Lately, i've been jumping between my laptop and kindle for reading (laptop for convenience, kindle for portability and reading before bed at night) but I've gone between physical books and digital devices before. (If you want the epub versions of dotrc, I'd be willing to share them as well. The only difficulty is page numbers change between reading formats so I can only really switch at the start of chapters or if I skim to where I last was.

Something that saved me while reading DOTRC specifically (as well as other sinner books) was having a place I could discuss/"liveblog" the book. These books can get LONG and the reading experience varies from "really interesting and compelling" to "oh my godddd I do not need 20 pages of Outdated Whale Facts right now". (no offense to Moby Dick. I'm only slandering that one because I read the whole thing and in spite of enjoying it I understand why there are SO many abridged versions around.) It's kind of just the classic lit experience to deal with these types of things, but it's a lot more tolerable to me if you can talk to other people about it.

When I read DOTRC I didn't have anyone else reading with me, but just having a place to tell people about all the things that happen in this book helped me to keep track of events and characters. It also motivated me to keep reading so I could tell The People what happened next. Having someone else read with me would probably have helped as well, but it's hard to sell people on reading a 5-volume behemoth of a novel with so much stuff in it it has it's own field of study dedicated to it.

You can really yap anywhere. I have a channel in my Limbus Discord dedicated to the books so I don't drive everyone insane with my rambling and it seems to have helped some of my friends get through some of the other books as well so I think this method is a pretty solid success? You could also pretty easily do it just in someone's DMs if they're already familiar with the book (this has the bonus of them potentially being able to clarify things for you and help you get a deeper understanding of the book) or even yapping on a tumblr sideblog or empty notes doc or something.

So TL;DR:

Picking up the book is the hardest part. Reading a little is better than not reading at all.

Subjecting your friends to this book will make it easier to keep going :)

Also: for Dream of the Red Chamber specifically: the book starts slow. I don't know how far in you are, but so many people drop it early. I started reading it during a 12-ish hour car ride and that might've been the play because i can see people getting bored during the first few chapters. It definitely picks up though, so trust me when I say it gets a lot easier to read as you keep going. Chapter 5 is an incredibly interesting chapter, and from there I find things pick up and start going faster. (It helps that chapter 5 is pretty relevant for the direction I think Limbus is going to take canto 8 in!) The later volumes were able to go by a lot faster for me than the earlier ones as well.

This is a long ass book, but it's gonna be a while before Hong Lu's canto drops and we get to Witness that Surrender. Or Surrender that Witness. I'm not actually sure. But regardless, you've got plenty of time to get through it, even if you're a slower reader or don't have much time to dedicate to reading. Steady progress is the name of the game for stuff like this.

Worst case, you've killed a bunch of time during the wait for Hong Lu's canto (because oh boy, I have a feeling this one's gonna be a wait) and you are able to gain a better appreciation for canto 8 by understanding some of the nicher bits of how it adapts stuff from the source.

Best case, you really enjoy reading it and end up like a bunch of the Hong Lu fans I know who were permanently changed by reading this book and started reading scholarly analysis of it for fun (or start seeking out every adaptation of it you can find, or read the book 5 times over... I am coming to realize this book does something to people.)

This book is legitimately incredibly good, even outside the context of me reading it because I was very invested in that beautiful cyan freak from a game I like. I might not have been able to get through it without Limbus providing me the push to keep going on days where I really didn't want to read, but it's a legitimate interest of mine now I will seek out information on regardless of its connection to Limbus! Trust me when I say it's worth getting through even if it feels hard or tedious.

(and if it helps- a solid amount of the stuff I feel is most likely to be Limbus relevant happens near the end of the book. There's so much in this book so things that could be relevant are scattered throughout almost all of it, but I've been picking up so many end of the book vibes from stuff we've seen lately. so you've got to get there!!)

[shhh-no-ones-home]

future friends 2/2

james 'logan' howlett

+++++++++

part one

song: gold medal ribbon my pierce the veil

+++++++++

i sat on my bed and thought about what had happened in the danger-room. it had been a little over a week already and i still couldnt stop thinking about it. his face, the way he sounded. so broken. it was an accident. and of course i couldnt think to face ororo either. im sure she already got an earful from him about it.

but the thing is, i hadnt seen him or his reading since that day. and that worried me. all of his classes had been cancelled but i couldnt exactly blame him. i think i wouldve done the same. i half thought to go find him but i wasnt sure i could face him again. nonetheless i picked myself up off the side of my bed and walked out of my room and out into the hall. kids were rushing past me to get to their next class but i ignored them as best i could.

some of them were harder than others, all of the images of their pasts behind my eyes as i paced by them. but then his made its way into my brain and i stopped. i had already made it to the end of the hall but it wasnt his room he was in. it was the library. some place i hadnt ever seen him go. he didnt find place in there like the students did. but it was quiet. i pushed the door open slowly and there he was, sat at the table with a book open in front of him. it was a book about the civil war. oh. i watched his face as he looked up.

"hey kid, or uh, y/n."

he corrected and i drew my brows, walking slowly to him like you would a wounded animal.

"hello logan."

he closed the book and placed it flat on the table, folding his hands on top of it.

"first of all i wanna apologize-"

"dont worry about it."

he cut me off and i tilted my head to the side in confusion.

"but i lied to you?"

i questioned and he nodded, a half smile making its way to his features.

"i know. i talked to storm. and though i wish someone would have helped me sooner i understand she was just trying to keep the professors wishes. damn bastard."

he laughed.

"so youre not mad? at me?"

i asked hesitantly and he scooted his chair back, standing up to meet me.

"storm explained a bit about you. how your powers work, how old you are, the god that cursed you."

i looked down and he took my hand in his. i gasped and tried to pull away but he held on tight. i looked up with wide eyes, trying to study his face.

"i made peace with not knowing anything about myself but you changed that. now i know who i am. or was, at least."

he squeezed my hand and then let it go.

"you arent scared?"

i asked and he laughed.

"terrified actually. but if youre willing to work with me. id like to get to know myself. and you."

i watched as he put his leg up and sat on the side of the table.

"logan i want to but with my powers only a handful of things can happen. the more i look into your past the more i will get attached to you and i dont want you to resent me for something i cant control."

he nodded, studying my face.

"y/n you are the only person ive ever met that is my own age and is willing to help me. i dont think i could resent you even if i tried."

i laughed, tapping a finger on the table next to his leg.

"you say that now."

he reached forward and grabbed my hand again but i didnt pull away this time. he closed his eyes.

"they dont come in waves like the first one did."

he said softly and i drew my brows.

"each time i touch you i get isolated stories. ones that i only got glimpses of the first time."

he said coolly. opening his eyes and looking up at me.

"is that how you see them?"

he asked and i nodded.

"if i focus hard enough yes, or if im around the person a lot. the glimpses get longer. especially if im not trying to suppress them."

"you are extraordinary."

he complimented and i could feel some heat forming in my cheeks. i knew to much about him to not blush. it didnt help i already had a crush on him.

"tell me, whats something that youve been wanting to know? more than anything else."

he sat and thought for a second

"striker said i volunteered for his program but i cant believe that. i want to know what actually happened."

i nodded, stepping towards him a little more. he drew his brows and watched me.

"bare with me please."

i whispered, looking over his face and stopping at his lips. i took a deep breath before closing the gap between us. as soon as our lips touched i was overrun with his memories. i searched through them like a file folder, stopping on his time at alkali lake. i could feel my body tense and i shared that memory with him, his recruitment, the experiment, taking gallons of his blood and storing it, the wires and machines he was hooked up to, keeping him in a cage like an animal, and his escape.

i held on as long as i could but it got too overwhelming. i pulled away from him and seized, my head falling back and my eyesight going white as i looked to the ceiling. i fell limp against him, feeling his arms wrap around my body as he caught me, slowly guiding me to the floor and into his lap. i shook against him and breathed heavily as my eyesight came back. i could hear him shushing me and stroking my hair, rocking back and forth.

"logan."

i gasped out, gripping at his arm.

"its okay, im right here."

he said, and i could hear the fear in his voice.

"i held on as long as i could."

i whispered and i felt him kiss the top of my head.

"you gave me just what i needed, now relax. please. ill take care of you while you do."

i nodded against his chest, feeling my eyes heavy.

"im gonna sleep now okay?"

i asked and i could feel him chuckle to himself.

"ive got you. you go right ahead."

i hummed to myself.

"lets hold off on any more memories for a little bit okay?"

i asked and he laughed.

"youve got a deal. kid. now just take it easy."

the last thing i remember was my body going limp against him and everything going black. at least i could help a little. give him some part of himself back. and i could hear it in his voice. he was sincere.

"thank you y/n."

[soggypotatoes]

ngl I love studying psych and I'm very good at it but some of this stuff makes me want to tear my hair out

the other night I spent hours researching Sabina spielrein, at some point I'll be doing a write up about her bc it's insane. she was a female psychoanalyst and professor, worked closely with Jung and Freud and made significant contributions to their work, in fact a lot of their theory was based off hers. she also treated Jean Piaget! but she's been completely erased from history. she lived broke despite how important she was, and was executed by nazis. and her name is not even mentioned anywhere at uni, despite us literally learning her theories under a different name.

then I read some of the work of Yalom who my last teacher really liked, we read some excerpts from his book and I disagreed with them but they were fine. anyway i found a chapter of him talking about feeling compassion for a patient of his who gleefully talked about how he would regularly rape women if he thought he could get away with it, and sure, Yalom didn't agree with his views, but he didn't make that point in his book. he said he felt connected to this patient, and sought the parts of him who knew better.

then next chapter he's describing at length how disgusting his fat female patient is, how he hates looking at her bc her fat hides the parts of a woman he likes to look at (he seriously said this), and people online defend him saying ohh noo but he realised his bias in the end, it's okay!!

bitch.. if that's true, keep it to your damn self. she doesn't have to read that about herself in a published book. also, he only found compassion for her when she started to lose the weight. no, it's not refreshing to see a therapist admit their bias, that's the bare minimum, Jesus Christ. and he didn't elaborate on the blatant misogyny, of course.

lately when I can't sleep ive been pretending I work in academia and writing a syllabus that actually deconstructs this stuff lol. Ive got readings and everything. the way we are taught is honestly terrible.

not to mention the weirdness of having every unit have an assignment (or a weeks subject) focussed on indigenous Australian issues, but no actual resources from indigenous Australians. not kidding - I have not seen *one*, but it's a requirement to cover this in every semester. it all feels a bit pointless if I can't name one indigenous scholar we've learned about in class.

there *are* a lot of good things, obvs. my teachers have mostly been pretty open minded and passionate, but Christ. at least mention Spielrein's name one time. fuck

[iowiymiw]

10 People I'd Like to Know Better!

Tagged by the cool @krowbby

1. Last Song: girlfriend by hemlocke springs :p

2. Last Book: last night i started reading a novel called Big Swiss about a woman who works as a transcriber for a sex therapist's appointments and she falls in love with one of the anonymous clients shes transcribing. from the little ive read its funny in a morbid way

3. Last Movie: i did just watch bonnie and clyde today i thought it was very good. we've had to talk about in my film classes before and it felt like a movie i would enjoy and i was right! its one of those big critically acclaimed ones i feel like would be a hit or miss for me but it was definitely a hit

4. Last TV Show: Better Call Saul. I've caught up to where I was last time I watched it

5. Last thing I Googled: i've been scrounging for art-related books and non-fiction recently and was googled one called the Upside Down World about Dutch painters. seems alright but not exactly what im looking for currently. if anyone has some nonfiction recs lmk!

6. Favorite Color: im going to say blue

7. Sweet/Savory/Spicy: sweet!

8. Relationship status: kind of looking as in i deleted my dating apps in a rage last summer and thinking of giving it a shot again. maybe but also they are dumb and evil so.

9. Looking forward to: i have a lot of free time right now but i have some stuff various hobbies and doing some volunteering. the biggest one tbh is cleaning out shit in my room i dont need anymore. a friend i have is teaching a class next week and im gonna pop in to see him.

10. Current Obsession: my breaking bad obsession has cooled down and some of that energy has transferred to better call saul. BCS is more polished in a lot of aspects and doesnt elicit the same breed of insanity from me though a chiller energy feels appropriate for a show that's a lot slower/chiller. and that means i am not chomping at the bit to go online and spoil myself though too.

and like many people severance is giving me strength. lets goooo

alright how about @lesbianmarrow @theswordwizard @cosmicrhetoric @bronskibeet @rebecca-dewinters @prodigyprosecutor @silima @gribblehusband @reasoncourt and anybody else!

[youssefguedira]

Hi! Bothering you again with unwanted opinions and questions.

#1- I know it's not cool to say after the whole Armie Hammer affair, but I really like "Call me by your name", I don't find it creepy, and I think Hammer did a great job in it. Sure, he looks older than 24 as the character is supposed to be, but he acted the part well.

#2- Did you watch "The Return"? I did, and boy oh boy the things I do for the actors I love. Loving Fiennes and Kenzari, I watched it yesterday; imho it was boring, overtly descriptive, and I'm really sorry to say this but Kenzari only had ONE expression during the whole movie. Considering his microacting in TOG, I almost couldn't believe he was the same actor.

The only thing I appreciated, as a small act of patriotism, was the screentime Santamaria got in the movie.

not bothering at all i love questions and opinions!!!! i dont always have the spoons to answer but i love gettin em and i love to talk about stuff!!! @ everyone here please feel free to send questions and opinions

havent seen the return yet!!! answering this bit first bc i have a lot to say about call me by your name but anyway im waiting for it to come out here (april :() for the Cinema Experience and also i can drag my classics student ralph fiennes fan beloved roommate to go see it as a mixture of enrichment and psychological torment (she doesn't enjoy adaptations that take out the gods). everything ive heard about it has been aggressively mediocre. i'm sure i'm overhyping it to myself but i'm excited nonetheless (i love art that is kinda mid)

disappointing abt mr kenzari's performance tho im not nearly as familiar with his work as i Should be (working on it) but i was so excited for marwan kenzari antinous :( oh well. the world goes on hollywood keeps making movies. maybe we still have any other night or maybe we don't i haven't checked on how that's doing in a while

On Call Me By Your Name: i know in the abstract abt the armie hammer thing i just choose not to think about it. he's pretty good in the movie. i didn't realise he was only supposed to be 24 though i thought he was like. 30.

the creepiness aspect is an interesting one to think abt!!! the reason i watched it was a) class and b) like, all of the annoying film people i know have been watching/rewatching recently, so you know, wanted to join in. almost none of them ever talk about that aspect of it, but it was also the first thing i learned about the movie as an impressionable teenager on tumblr. interesting case study.

BUT, i think it's one of those things where different people are always gonna have varying degrees of comfort with stuff, and this is probably one of them. can't speak for the book because i haven't read it, but the movie is less about their relationship than it is about elio figuring himself and his sexuality out, in a few different ways (marzia plays a major part in this too!). and some of that happens to be through his relationship with oliver. which you can side eye if you want. but in the context of the movie it's more of a narrative device to explore the idea of discovering your sexuality, growing up, changing, and also the impermanence of relationships, romantic or otherwise, that felt like they changed your life at 17. which is compelling as all hell!!!! besides elio is such a good character. he COULD have been really annoying, but chalamet is a hell of a performer, and i was warned abt one specific shot at the very end by someone else's review but if i hadn't been it probably wouldve given me a Fucjing Heart Attack.

did i find it particularly romantic? no not really i spent a lot of time side-eyeing oliver particularly hard. but did i find it interesting? absolutely. i have to hand this one to guadagnino it's a good movie . which very much snuck up on me with the emotional intensity. i did not relate personally to like, 90% of it for asexual reasons, but like i said the idea of changing etc was resonant. the MOST relatable part for me, however, was olivers reaction to love my way by the psychedelic furs. i also feel that way about love my way by the psychedelic furs

[tojiscrack]

okay first of all liar liar is literlaly my favourite thing ive ever laid my eyes on?? its so good and every time you release a n ew chapter i SLURP it up like the details?? the backstories??

like omg just relaese a book atp.. i found liar liar during the tiem i was procrastinating for my english final and i kept reading until like 5 am (im a slow reader) anyways i was supposed to be preparing for my english final oral exam but i DIDNT! i was supposed memorize the 10 minute essay i wrote and present it to my class!!! but i didnt! ur fic was tew good... i ended up just winging it and i didnt do that bad (90) i like to think that it was because my brain vocab capacity epxanded after reading your extremely detailed scenes on mercupine the happiest moment of my life mustve been when i finished reading ch 8 (i think?) and realized there werent any more chapters and got scared u abandoned it (i have ptsd from all those otther authors 😣) and then YOU UPLOADED A NEW CHAPTER LIKE 5 MINUTES AFTER I FINISHE DREADING CH8 ??? ummm i swear it was like magic or smth i pissed tears of joy

i was also part of the readers that got fooled by kamo... i reallhy thought he liked mermaid at first and just thought it was a silly crush and we'd get a silly little scene of megumi being a teeny bit jelly! but then you wer like IMPLYING THAT KAMO LIKES TSUMIKI? so i was like wow what a plot twist didnt see that coming haha! AND THEN YOU REVEALED HE LIKES MERMAID????????????????????/ wow okay um 😱 and then the tutor trope like i love that

what i dont love is how i feel like mermaid might actually like that two banged freak back (im not a kamo hater i just get emotional sometimes 😞 just thinking about them being a thin g makes me worked up) becaues why was she like.. talking to him?? like hwat you should be talking to PORCUPINE. HE'S RIGHT THERE OPEN YOUR EYES.

but honestly cant blame my girl because megumi is suchhh a loser like gosh i love him but like grab your cheeks and MAKE A MOVE. like pls!!! and honestly kamo is such a sweet little thing like aww you really did all that just to be close to ur crush but also like back off and let my mercupine be i just want my two babies to be together like plss!! but also im scared that kamo and mermaid ARE going to end up together bc ummm megumi is NAWT doing anything... and if the do get together im rioting, mercupine has to be endgame.. but um i also love kamo tho and i dont want him to be sad too 😣 my two personalities guys

have you seen ao haru ride/blue spring ride/???? it lowkey reminds me of whats going on rn because WAIT WAIT SPOILER!! im new to tumblr but like KIND OF SPOILER FOR AO HARU RIDE!!!!!! IDK IF THERES LIKE SOME COVER I CAN PUT ON THIS BUT LIKE ITS KINDA A SPOILER SKIP SKIP SKIP IF UR WANTING TO WATCH AO HARU RIDE AND YOU KINDA DONT WANNA SPOILER I MEAN THE SPOOILER IS KINDA OBVIOUS AND ITS LITRO JUST THE PLOT BUT I MEAN LIE JUST SKIP YK

but THIS IS THE SPOILER PART LAST WARNING like basically the main character is kou and futaba and kou is also a nonchalant baddie like my bae megumi.. but hes like such a coward and CANNOT make a move just like someone ik... (hint hint) and then this other guy (i forgot his name, yk the feeling whenever u watch a new anime or kdrama and you know EVERYTHING that happened but not their names? gun to my head i would still forget immidiately) so anyways this other guy also likes futaba cuz shs a baddie (LIKE MERMAID!) and he shoots his shot and lowkey acts like a desperate loser bUT IT WORKS and they end up together but futaba still has feelings for her ONE TRUE LOVE and she admits to her bf that she doesnt like him and lowkey i felt bad for him... i dont want that to happen to kamo too

but like kamo needs to take a hint... BUT ALSO HE'S VERY CRUCIAL SINCE HES THE ONE TO PUSH MEGUMI TO ACTUALLY DO SMTH AOBUT HIS FEELINGS!!! like i loved seeing megumi jealous, but also the way i literally felt like this

when yaga called kamotionless and mermaid LOVEBIRDS?? like my heart ached for porcupine and the way he just said KAMO SHOULD GET BACK ON THE FIELD!! urgh like pls megumi this is ur sign to acc do smth!! atp if he doent so anything he has to take the L when kamo does end up getting the girl..

thats the end of my rant live laugh love liar liar... i will also probably be ranting a lot the next few decades unless i just want to brain rot lik usual and not work out my finges by typing also sorry if its SO LONG and all the spelling and grammar mistakes i just dont want to think while writing iykwim.. im in full winter break mode and my brain has turnd to mush LOVE YOUUU mercupine forever pls be endgame PELASPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLESAESPLEAESEPSELAESPLEASPELASEPLAESPLESAPLESASPLESAEPLSEASPLSEASPLSEASPLSASPLSEASPLSAEASPLSEASPLSEAESPLSEASPLSEASPLSEAESLPSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEASPLSEAEPLSEASEPLSEAPLSEAPSLEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSPALSEAPLSEAPLSEPALSPALPLSEAPLSPEAPSLEAPLSAPLSEAPLSEPALSPEALSPSLEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSAPLSEPALSPEALSPALESPLSEAPLSEAPLSEAPLSEALPSLEAPLSEAPLSEAPL

HIIII 😋 (a long juicy juicy art, ohh i’m gonna be eating so well rn 😝)

firstly, i’d like to apologise for answering this so late! ik you sent it in a while ago but (unusually) my inbox seems to be getting new asks every day — which i assume is ‘cause of the growth of LL (hooray? 🥳🫶🏽). not complaining at all btw, this ‘problem’ isn’t even a problem, i love hearing from everyone!!

but anyway, let’s get to the good stuff 😼

‘okay first of all liar liar is literally my favourite thing i’ve ever laid my eyes on??’ — it’s 4am rn and i should be sleeping for my law admissions exam tmr but i’m too stressed to even get some shut-eye time and this isn’t helping ‘cause now i’m not sleeping out of excitement 🥴 i wrote LL for my own personal gain but in doing that, i seemed to have attracted attention from you which just so happens to be a plus point, ilysmmm 😭🫶🏽 words can’t explain how glad i am that you’re enjoying the story so far!

‘like omg just relaese a book atp’ — HAHAHA STOP OR I’LL START LEVITATING 🤧 i really did consider being an author at one point in my life and then scrapped the idea, not sure why but what’s done is done lolol

GIRLYPOP WDYM YOU NEGLECTED UR ENGLISH ORAL EXAM?? 😭 i mean, i’m super relieved that you ended up acing it anyway (well done! 🥳) but don’t ever do that in the future 🙁 if my fic is ever the reason of someone failing their exams, i’ll literally dissipate on the spot 😭 but on a separate note, i’m flattered that you say your results were good ‘cause of my detailed scenes of mercupine 🥹 that’s genuinely such a creative way to compliment my writing, i appreciate it ml <3

‘the happiest moment of my life must’ve been when i finished reading ch 8 and realised there weren’t any more chapters and got scared u abandoned it, and then YOU UPLOADED A NEW CHAPTER LIKE 5 MINUTES AFTER’ — omg no wayyy 😭 i have a nasty habit of releasing chapters LATEEE into the night (uk time) ‘cause bonus scenes end up taking a little extra time than i initially expect to write up. it worked in ur favour! genuinely crazy ‘cause i was contemplating going to bed and uploading chapter 9 the next morning instead HAHAHA

‘i was also part of the readers that got fooled by kamo’ — muahahaha 😈 i’ll always react the same way any time someone comes in to lmk that my evil plan worked 😭 i found (and still find) everyone’s reactions to the reveal SO funny, like i sit there on my phone giggling like an idiot, and realise just how dad-like that is of me to be laughing at my own intentional trick 💀

‘what i dont love is how i feel like mermaid might actually like that two banged freak back’ — 👀

i mean, if it makes you feel better, she’s completely unaware of his feelings towards her rn 💀 like she had an INKLING during the tutor session, but that was shut down by her own brain 0.2 seconds after it even came up ‘cause of… reasons tsumiki

‘like what you should be talking to PORCUPINE. HE'S RIGHT THERE OPEN YOUR EYES’ — i can feel ur frustration through the screen LMAOO 🌝 and if this is you now… 👀

‘and honestly kamo is such a sweet little thing like aww you really did all that just to be close to ur crush but also like back off and let my mercupine be i just want my two babies to be together like plss!!’ — ok so this is how i EXPECTED my readers to react when kamo was introduced as the second male lead/love interest/whatever the hell else you wanna call him. but this is what i got from them instead: 🌝

‘(…) bc ummm megumi is NAWT doing anything...’ — now where have i heard that before 🫣

jk guys 😭

‘have you seen ao haru ride/blue spring ride/???? it lowkey reminds me of whats going on rn’ — i have!! i read the manga too, and let me tell you how pissed i was that the anime didn’t continue and they gave us that bland ass, ambiguous, friendship ending thingy 😤 will forever be mad about that

i truly appreciate you putting a spoiler warning before you wanted to say what you needed to say 😊 i’ve already read the manga and watched the anime so it’s not needed, but you didn’t know that so ofc, you decided to be a kissable human being by placing spoiler warnings, i could smooch u rn 🤧 can you tell i got the ending of outerbanks s4 wasted literally JUST as it came out in november on a tt comment section on a post that had NOTHING to fucking do with outerbanks omg i’m raging again

but yes! i’m well aware of who and what scene you’re talking about :) toma the ginger-haired guy, second LI for futaba 😟

LL wasn’t inspired or made from anything to do with ao haru ride so dwww!! the ending’s actually undecided as of now but… i think i have a clear outline of the events that should take place just before it. and a lot of things are influencing my decision rn hahaa 😁

‘thats the end of my rant live laugh love liar liar...’ — live, laugh, love LL indeed 🥹🫶🏽

‘also sorry if its SO LONG and all the spelling and grammar mistakes’ — nooo dw about it! 😭 it wasn’t difficult to read at all and i enjoy long messages! i actually encourage my readers to send them in :D

tysm for popping in and leaving such a wonderful message! the memes you put in for every part of it had me GASPING FOR BREATH, like idk why the reaction pics paired with ur literal reaction towards parts of the story had me dying in my bed 😭😭 i think it’s just the way you literally did not address them throughout the message LMAOOO 💀

you are the sweetest person on the planet. it’s nearly 5am now and i’m so tired but no matter how hard i try, i cannot sleep :( but now i have no hope seeing as i’m gonna be thinking about this for the rest of the day <3333

[sofoulandfairaday]

My black sisters early headcannons

I agree with you about narcissa not being soft, I mean if she was she probably would be miserable for the whole of the series and shes not, and the redeeming factor for the malfoys is that they all love each other very much. She and lucius got together in her fifth year. And got married straight after she finished school. She had however had pregnancy problems, so they were overjoyd when draco was born. Narcissa was made prefect but not head girl. Of the sisters she was the least interested in school but she did do enough to get good grades in all her classes.

With Andromeda i think she actually loves all the pureblood functions like the balls and the rest. But most the fics ive read has her hating them. And that not being able to take part in the high society was the worst part of running away for her. I think she was as prejudiced as the other 2 when starting school. And my headcanon is that she and ted got paired for a class very early on and he just decided he wanted to be her friend and he just did not let up. Snatching small conversations and giving small gifts. It took years for this to actually work and andromeda to decide she wanted to be friends. And that and only that made her slowly change her mindset. After the 2 war i could see her and narcissa write letters to each other but i also cant see either of them writing first. And its not like andromeda would attended bellas funeral. I also think of the sisters she and bella were the ones who were the closest. I think bellatrix wedding was the last event she attended. And the fact that after this bellatrix was very busy made it easier to run away. I also headcanon her as the best spellcaster of the three but that after the 1st war she does not keep training. I also think the reason she wasnt more involved in the order because she doesnt want to fight her former friends and family.(opposite i think to sirius who i think found Joy in it).

As for bellatrix she is the one i think who enjoys balls the least but she still thinks they are somewhat fun, she leaves as soon as socially acceptable to do other fun "afterparty" things. By the time she started school she had decided who her friends were and those were her friends for all 7 years. She also really enjoys learning and was the most studious. She took as many classes o.w.l.s and n.e.w.t.s as possible and excelled in all. She could have been both prefect and head girl but made sure ahead of time she was not interested because it would cut into study time. Not that school classes was the only thing she studied. Due to being and excellent student and some charm and high standing she got to read any book she wanted from the forbidden section of the library. She always asked with a good and untrue excuse. She was far from kind to muggleborns but she was not a bully in school. Only hexing those who annoyed her or slighted her some other way. She actually found it boring and did always had an air of "can you get done soon" when her friends were bullying. Bellatrix found however out that she liked inflicting pain the first time she did it, this was at the very end of school though so she didnt terrorize the school. As soon as she was out of school she travelled to learn more. Around her 20 birthday her parents started bugging her about marriage because she had never shown any interest in romance. She after a bit of this went to rodolphus and said lets get married in which he responded wathever you want(I think he is in love with her but knows she doesnt love him and therefore dont expect anything and they are best friends). He proposed the next day at a garden party with the finest and most expensive of rings. Though there had been talk with and about voldemort in her friendgroup. Bellatrix first met voldemort at her wedding(I really like this headcanon). They immediatly got along well because Bellatrix had gotten lightly into dark magic and wanted to learn more and voldemort really liked how much interest she showed esp coupled with that she is very powerful.

Hi, anon! Oh, gosh, thank you so much for this ask - I agree with so many of these, almost all of them! They're so perfect.

Yes to Lucius and Cissy being together since Hogwarts, yes to her being Prefect but not Head Girl, super-duper yes to Narcissa with pregnancy problems. I have a very specific headcanon in mind for this. I think they had several miscarriages (Bella had at least one too; difficulties with conceiving children is something I envision for all the women of the Black Family, which may also be due to the fact that they all select their spouses from a very small pool) and they finally managed to conceive with Severus' help, using some sort of potion and very later on (if Cissy is done with school around 1972-73, why did her and Lucius only have Draco in 1980? It's not like she was involved in the fighting...)

I also agree that Andromeda was quite different from Sirius and her leaving her sisters was much less of a nuanced political position (I see her as someone with many biases and a lot of unlearning to do- never mind the fact that she also doesn't want her daughter to marry Remus because he's a werewolf). I think she loved her family - sisters, parents, cousins - and partly her world (balls, fancy restaurants and holidays...) I can see her having a difficult time letting go. Her abandonment of her family is something that's much more selfish than we think: she liked Ted, and her family said she couldn't have him, so she took him anyways. My problem with her is that I can never seem to write her the way I want to. I can't seem to get her voice right.

Yes to Bella's wedding being the last event she ever attended (something Narcissa would always be resentful of).

Sirius is someone with a very black-and-white morality (ironically, the same as Bella), while Andromeda isn't in my opinion. And I can see her being conflicted over her position in the war, even willing to forgive her sisters until Tonks' death, of course. Yes to neither Andy nor Cissy being able to bring themselves to write first after the second war. And yes to Andromeda not being there for Bellatrix's funeral. She might have gone, even after Sirius, if it weren't for Nymphadora. I just can't see her forgiving Bella for that.

Yes to Bella being the most studious, and the best in school. Yes to her having a small group of friends. I can see her being Prefect and Head Girl, but I can also see the opposite - her not being given it/refusing it not on the basis of grades but temperament/free time/other injustices etc. Yes to Rodolphus being in love with her and them having a good relationship, yes to her choosing him personally. I headcanon that she meets Voldemort at her engagement party! (At least in the story I'm writing, but I am very flexible on this- it's not the when it's the how for me.) Yes to her being a natural sadist, not that much of a bully in school, but definitely respected. Maybe she partook in her free time.

It's a happy headcanon for her to have travelled after school. I definitely think she wanted to, but in my head, her parents had always refused it, saying that it wasn't proper for a young witch like her to travel the world without a chaperone. It also fuels, for me, her need for adventure as a young woman. I do like it though (I tend to make everything tragic; I don't know if you've noticed but I love angst!)

Yes yes yes to her seeing Voldemort as more than a political figure but as a mentor, a teacher, and him choosing her above all else to make her his pupil.

[isopodonanescalator]

okay so ignore this if you want to /gen

infodumping about my first day because i know some of you guys were worried because i was anxious and also just because i want to <3

my english teacher is very frazzled and has very lovely vibes i’m super excited to work with her because she seems like she will appreciate the books i read and she (hopefully) will like me enough to write college recommendation letters in the future 🤞 (plus she reminds me of my favorite teacher who retired last year so it brought me a little comfort) and i sat next to someone named emily (teehee)

ummm i ended up not throwing up, but i did cry a little bit (i tried so hard to keep it on the down low but i think maybe someone noticed)

my geometry teacher scares me but she has pictures of snoopy all over her room so like…???

my health teacher was kind of nice, she mentioned topics that could trigger people and said that when we talk about them we’re allowed to step out, she also didn’t make us do icebreakers because she knows a lot of people are introverted or have anxiety (both of which apply to me!)

my history teacher said that the state thinks we neee THIRTY PLUS HOURS of study time before our finals in order to pass?? when i tell you i had a heart attack i mean i genuinely couldn’t breathe for a few minutes. and then he said we don’t have to do cornell notes so that made me feel a little better??

MY SCIENCE TEACHER MADE US DO A FORM TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES TO HER AND SHE TOLD ME SHE HASNT SEEN SUPERNATURAL BUT HAS BEEN TOLD ITS GOOD AND THAT SHE MIGHT WATCH IT NOW!!!! ALSO WHEN I ASKED ABOUT LISTENJNG TO MUSIC SHE SAID NOT USUALLY BUT I READ YOUR FORM SO IF YOU FEEL LIKE IT WOULD HELP YOU PLEASE ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF AND I JUST. i am very excited for this class ive always hated science but to be in a small class where things are explained simply and the teachers genuinely care for the students is SUCH a different vibe for me and i was just. shocked. like i might end up LIKING science this year! wild concept to me

i am happy with my science teacher and at first i felt dumb about being the only one of my friends in the stupid people science class but now i don’t care because i know it will help me!

i was scared but i did it and i made it through the whole day so. we stay silly <3 anyway yeah that’s it (:

[moreaujeans]

hi leigh!! i hope you're well :) saw your post with asks and decided i would combine lots of them lol so first thing is tell me abt whatever's bothering you!! i hope nothing's bothering you obv but still.

also i am asking you for book recs. i haven't been reading a lot of proper books lately so any recs are welcome but i kind of feel like some fantasy would do me good. but like good ones? The last couple of years i've been picking up some popular fantasy standalones hoping they feel like a fantasy book you read when you're twelve and they end up being the most mid thing i've ever read. like help. i'm planning to read some robin hobb books so hopefully they're good.

also i've started listening to mitski (talk about being late lol) and i'm really liking her songs i was wondering if you have any particular recs? Or any music recs? what've you been listening to?

sorry this ask is all over the place lol i guess i'm chatty today. i hope you're having an amazing day!! <3<333

ORLA!!!! i hope you are doing well too <3 one thing that is bothering me is school is starting again bc i have gotten virtually no break </3 also that apparently the english class i’m taking doesn’t have any required books i was looking forward to reading actual books not whatever mini readings ig they’re going to be giving us instead ☹️ also also that i did Not in fact get my license like planned this summer bc during the singular week i was home a bunch of stuff suddenly came up and it became no longer my priority and now i will need to renew my permit Again bc it expires in early september and im not going to be able to make it home before that so. <3

as for book recs!! i have tragically had the same problem lately re fantasy books and honestly mostly just books in general BUT i don’t know if you’ve read any ve schwab ive really loved what books of hers ive read. vicious was my favorite, but the monsters of verity duology better fits the “feels like a fantasy book you read when you’re twelve” vibe!

for non-fantasy recs if youre feeling poetry i reallyy liked margaret atwood’s morning in the burned house. also just finished hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy which was v fun! got many laughs out of me, i did not however know before starting it that it’s a series so now idk how to proceed bc i only have the first book agdjfk

OH ALSO fantasy shoutout to strange the dreamer duology 🫶🏻🫶🏻 lovely writing style and world, fascinating antagonist, i was not a big fan of the romance but otherwise big rec on that. definitely not for everyone tho some ppl find the pacing too slow, i remember when i first read it i mentioned that in my review too that it took a bit for me to really get into although i personally wasn’t bored in the meantime like others, i was just chilling enjoying what it had to tell me abt everything

MITSKI RECS!! i love strawberry blond sorry for being basic. square too but specifically square solo piano version which they took off of spotify (idk what you’re listening to her on). because dreaming costs money my dear is also a veryyy hard-hitting one. fond of circle, a burning hill, goodbye my danish sweetheart, nobody, washing machine heart, and class of 2013 as well. that was a lot i will stop now 🫡 also must admit i am quite behind on mitski’s recent releases so i can’t speak for any of her newer albums/songs. except for working for the knife musically it doesn’t hit as much as other songs of hers for me but lyrically it makes me go crazy

as for random music recs my most recently liked songs are unsweetened lemonade by amélie farren, army dreamers by kate bush, numb little bug by em beihold, would that i by hozier, the milk carton by madilyn mei, and comme des enfants by cœur de pirate. i have not really been “listening” listening to anything lately! though that will change in a few days with wisdom saga >:)

— sleepover saturday sunday!

[ah0yh0y]

tagged by @ribcagelikepiano for the get to know you game!! thx friend !!!!!

questions: last song you listened to, currently watching, currently reading, current obsession

last song: Come Hang Out by AJR off the top of my head by my tabs say Providence by Poor Mans Poison . Come Hang Out feels so nostalgic to me even if i only listened to it recently reminds me of a graduation song (it came out 5 yrs ago so it makes sense. I just really love Poor Mans Poison's vibes generally great fuel for daydream and also matches well with the feeling of revolution (and seeing everything collapse i guess.) (ish) mentally listening to Your Love is All I Need by Sami Yusuf tho at all times lately, probs because i have been trying to wean myself off listening to music for like the 50th time. (its slow going but IM GONNA TRY inshaallah ill be able to do it) (he also took the old nasheed music video off his channel? sad its so good)

currently watching: does d20 mentopolis count? only watched one ep but its good. i havent watched anything regularly besides like school vids for a bit. tried watching the dragon prince s5 when it came out but buffering (the video player i mean) and dissatisfaction at the pacing and characterization kinda stopped me. ill back on it at the end of the yr when everything is settled. if we are talking about podcasts started relistening to wolf 359 and keeping up with the greater gatsby (the latter has SUBLIME noir vibes as it is a noir i bloody love shipwreck's work it scratches that itch in my brain so well) . i may have seen spoilers for wolf 359 so i am anxiously waiting to see if i am proved wrong but im on s4 so its soon prepare for a barrage of reblogs for it. watched s4 of malory towers it was very nice i cant wait for s5 - the pantomime hopefully we get new members for the older years next season i miss the larger cast

currently reading: not much really. fanfic alot. i guess. caught up to the end of the To Make a Legend series on ao3 (pjo) and other fics for a couple of other fandoms (in one false move by Kalidium is really good if your into murder most unladylike - spoilers for A Spoonful of Murder though) also been reading barbie 2023 fanfic? was bored and started hunting for good ones (slim picking at the moments but if you want character study and grief and some bloody good writing def read something in me in you by telm_393 i cant explain it its that good) also reread My Memories Came Back in the Form of Someone Else by Lucy_Luna yes its that really good spiderverse fanfic do check it out

BESIDES THAT THO in terms of actual books. have the audiobook saved for The Valley and The Flood so gonna listen to that later. Have to read The Hate Race for class (not my fave but i need for analysis ive read it like 3 times but I STILL DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING) .

started rereading The Ballad Of Songbirds and Snakes a couple of weeks ago ahead of the movie coming out at the end of this year but never got the chance to finish it so ill have to get on that too.

also dracula ive been reading as well but more on that the next section.

current obsession: re:dracula is the first that comes to mind im so bloody invested in jonathan's wellbeing and his relationship wiht mina and the whole story its insane . i should read more older books its good . re;dracula DOES SUCH A GOOD JOB AT SUCKING YOU INTO THE STORY THE VOICE ACTORS REALLY MADE IT FOR ME i just cant with ti it makes me so bloody happy!! Renfield's voice actor is a standout for me everytime he's there i just have to pause and stare at a wall. also jonathan's actor as well hes SO GOOD i was geniunly worried about jonathan not sending me voicemails into my phone i was THAT endeared to him

besides that PLAY IT BY EAR the musical improv show by dropout is also a obsession of mine i cannot with their talent. the MUSIC so good i want to play it all the bloody time . i am in absolute awe in the performers ability to create a story and TIE IT ALL TOGHETER SO WELL like every piece of information is used whether you expect it or not . DN THE BAND OH GOD I DONT KNOW HOW THEY SO IT THE MUSIC IS SO FUN AND CREATIVE AND FITS THE MOOD AND MADE UP ON THE SPOT???!!! HOW I DONT KNOW (if u ask me who my favourite guest star is at the moment its ross byant hes an absolute delight whenever he is on a d20 show- the improvised shakespear episode blew my mind)

anway THIS SI LONGGGGGGGG soz

no pressure tags: @filmloser04 @mistichallow @charlies-a-thief

@literallymahir @quotidian-oblivion @monochrome-anomaly @suksiili @miseria-fortes-viros and anyone else that wants to join!!!! (you dont have to do a brain dump like me i always go overboard)