#ive been missing home. so much.
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"And so the Hawaiians look at all of nature as important, and they look at the signs of nature as messengers coming from their family who has passed on. Signs come in rainbows, double rainbows, odd forms of clouds, they read the roll of the waves and some of the waves are signs that they look at, you know. Those are things that the Hawaiian needs to be aware of in order to fulfill its connectedness to, you know, to its ancestors that have passed on.
So we cannot separate ourselves to the trees, we cannot separate ourselves from the waves and the ocean, from the clouds and its cloud forms, from the mountains and the hills, the animals from the limu, to the pipipi, to the kūpe‘e, you know, to the manō, to the pueo, to the ‘i‘iwi, to the ‘o‘o, all of these are all signs upon which we had better be aware of, because it is through them that we get messages from our ancestors."
"Oh yeah, sharks do. Sharks, the significance of a shark, especially with the niuhi, the tiger and the white shark, they were compared to as chiefs. Kamohoali‘i, who was the brother of Pele, was a shark. That was his form, his other kinolau or his other form was a shark. Because of the ferocity. The same kind of attitude of absorbing and taking all with no consciousness to end result, the main thing is to consume. The same attitude is compared, comparing the shark to love. It’s all consuming. To the point where one cannot think consciously to what is being done. And so the Hawaiians have a saying:
Kūpau wau i ka manō ka manō nui ka manō nui kūpau wau i ka manō.
And it means, “I am finished to the big shark, all consumed by the big shark, I am finished.” It doesn’t mean he’s dead because the shark bit him. It means he is so deeply in love that he doesn’t know how to think, you know? So shark has that other side of its attitude that is used by the Hawaiians to describe the all consuming idea, without consciousness. And that is funny that the Hawaiians would also compare that to love. But they did that because they knew nature. Hurricane ‘Iniki, all consuming, it has no bearing on who’s the chief or who’s the commoners, you know. It’s all consuming. Hawaiians understood that, and they used that kind of proverbial idea, and I just use that to illustrate the insight and connectedness with nature. But in relation to the shark, that is how it is really used."
x. Parley Kanaka'ole, "Hawaiian Waters: House of the Shark"
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#:)))#so i found this interview from Hawaiian icon Parley Kanaka'ole&it made me so happy for so many reasons lol#so here are some of my favourite parts. :'))) the full interview actually talks a lot about the beliefs we have surrounding our 'aumakua#&is an incredible read. if you are kanaka reconnecting w the culture however i do have the warning that#he speaks rather definitively&heavy-handedly about how one can reconnect w your kūpuna+'aumakua#&just take it w a grain of salt. as w a lot of our older figures he has standards for kānaka that are genuinely not feasible sometimes#&its okay. it doesnt make you any less kānaka or make it impossible for you to commune&connect w your 'aumakua.#your geneology hasnt forgotten nor abandoned you for lack of attention+relation bc that isnt possible.#however w that one caveat in mind i highly reccommend reading the interview (&also the second piece by#Herb Kane who is a literal Hawaiian legend. his art is regularly used in classrooms to teach history&hes been actually dubbed#a Living Treasure of Hawai'i when he was alive. also he CAPTIANED the hokule'a. actual legend.)#ive been missing home. so much.#salt water cures everything. i have tears&sweat i just need the pacific lol.#♡#yas
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i miss them......please come back........please come home :((
#this one goes out to the ten knkdz stans left on bsd tumblr wya#ITS BEEN SO LONG SINCE IVE DRAWN THEM I MISS THEM SO BAD :(((#please......i dont knkw how much longer i can take this.......please come home to me......#i'm literally experiencing withdrawal symptoms they've been apart for like SEVEN years#ALSO I KEEP FORGETTING KUNIS GLASSES IM FUCKING KILLING MYSELF ISTG IT DOESNT REGISTER IN MY BRAIN FSR😭😭😭😭😭😭#also one thing i noticed while coloring this is how nicely their outfits compliment each other. husbands fr <3#sry if the art style is different in every drawing i drew these all weeks apart💀#kunikida doppo#doppo kunikida#dazai osamu#osamu dazai#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws
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Just a bit of lore relevant vent art (with terrible proportions bc apparently I mess that up horribly when I'm tired ugh. Watch me regret posting this tomorrow. The head size is already driving me mad bc it's too big, and I can feel myself wanting to abort this mission already) of Mourynn just, lying down on top of one of those large elevated Pale Tree roots far above the Grove (and far away from everyone else), and during the time between the early years and before the Personal story. Caithe is gone (Destiny's Edge), Wynne is gone (bc well, y'know...), even Faolain is gone (bc of Caithe in DE), and she's just feeling miserable, lost, and alone. (Her hair is in between her sapling hair and the Zhaitan hair, so it's grown out a bit bc she's depressed, and she's meant to be in the new outfit she designed, but I'm in the process of redesigning it a bit, so I've made a few tentative changes for now. Her collar is now just an extension of her clavicle leaves which can be put up like a collar, or can be draped down over her shoulders or back)
#gw2#sylvari#artgallery#mourynn#mourynn art#I've just been so tired lately bc of work#also just going a bit stir crazy with the silence (lonely; but alas I unfortunately suck at starting convos bc I have nothing interesting t#talk about and work has been draining my social energy; making it even harder :( (I'd rather burn the social energy with friends yknow?)#it's getting a wee bit better; but I haven't had much time or energy to even game while we're in the midst of our busiest season :(#I miss hanging out and chatting with my buds; but the universe insists on keeping us apart :(#just miss having something to look forward to throughout my day. Been trying to fill it with other things; but the depresso is overriding i#Mostly just been me with my thoughts and that is just bad bc I got so many horrors in there lmao.#I wanna at the very least; draw more or game more to distract from it; but work is sapping all my time and energy from it.#but also it's very quiet on my end and it's kicking my overthinking into overdrive so I#Ive just been fighting with my mind lately lmao#hopefully this will all pass soon so I won't obsessively keep thinking about it loll#lol I'd post this in the servers but it's vent art so it feels a bit weird to do; so it's going straight to home video w/o a theater releas#hopefully once work calms down it'll help#(I have so many long shifts makes me so frustrated bc I hate them and I run out of steam half way through)#other than all that I'm doing fine lol. My brain's always been like this; But I usually only get like this during the winter season#(bc of the holidays making everything quiet and also the SAD) so it feels weird having this exact same feeling happen to me in July lol
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"It was all my fault. I don't seem to fit in anywhere, and I only seem make things worse where ever I am. It would be better if I simply disappeared... right...?"
I always wondered what had actually happened after the Monastery was burnt down. I don't doubt that Zane had seen the Falcon again, but I doubt following it to the Bounty was the only thing he did.
#man i miss the falcon#falcon deserves better rip#and i miss season 1#things were so much more simple back then lol#its been forever since ive finished a ninjago fanart#this one has been in WIP status for a while and i figured why not finish it#might do a fic for it too#ninjago#ninjago masters of spinjitzu#season 1#s1#ninjago season 1#ninjago s1#home#zane#zane julian#ninjago zane#the falcon#fanart#digital art#man birds are HARD to draw#angst#zane angst#zangst#the falcon was created to be zane's guardian
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maría for the ad astra zine! lc u will be missed T_T
#lalin's curse#maria lalins curse#maria navarro becerra#OUUAHHHHGHGGGGG#Stop i miss lalins curse so bad. ough.#sorry i hsve many thoughts do not look at these tags theyrre long#i always had a feeling it wouldn't come back but i'm still so sad like thats my daughter........ my kids.... for reals...... i was#around their age when i started reading and now i'm like 19 they shouldve grown up with us FUCKKKKK i miss rhem so bad. timeskip davias.#i think i spent like an entire year with the lc/delete worms it's one of the smaller fandoms#that ive been in so i'm surprised but also there was SO much going on in thzt damn comic. hwhere is church boy WHY VALOR THE BUS DRIVER#i remember getting ownership of the fandom wiki and spending an insane amount of time on the home page and fixing it all jusr for fandom t#COMPLETELY CHANGE THEOR LAYOUT i think that killed the vibe for me tbh. fanodmwiki alwyas at the scene of the crime#Whahteverrrrrrrrrrr#what ever man.#seeing it go is so sad like ik it'll be revived eventually but OUGH the comic was so well done. i still recommend it so bad even though its#a terrible cliffhanger (itd ok we know what happens)(Lie)#i still need to own delete one day. Ill learn spanishtrust me. idk isaky art changed my life so much i'm so glad she won snowmiku and got s#many insane opportunities I hope she always wins forever. rhe four other laliners that follow me i hope you are still here. hiiiiiii#putting this zine together with all my lc oomfs was so nice and it's such a nice farewell to the comic AUHH go check outthe others plz#okau over. Lc changedmy life sorru#art tag
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i'd like to feel okay again
#ok to rb#vent art#ive had zero energy to do anything#no motivation no nothing#i miss bailey a lot#i miss her so much#she's not home yet#its been a month#ik she'll be in a box and it will never ever be the same but at least i'll have her home with me#i miss her#digital art#art
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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If there are things in the windows do you think that over time like every update we will start see them more clearly. I have the idea of just, frank sitting at their window, staring at us, unable to do anything but knows we are there with a horrified expression.
i have a feeling that that has some Merit, yes! cause i remember before the update, when i was scrutinizing every little piece of the map, i don't recall seeing anything in the windows. i like to think i would have noticed (but there's a real possibility that they were already there, my eyes just skipped over it. or they were there but just too faint to Notice yet!)
but that would be really cool and i wouldn't put it past Clown to sneak that in... terrifying to think about! i love it!
#im already feeling a wonderful sensation of Dread for the characters#& i say that genuinely. there's real dread and then there's fun-enjoyable-dread-over-fiction#i wonder if anyone else will come out and say hi... what might be revealed in this way?#GOD I LOVE THIS PROJECT SO FUCKING MUCH ITS SO GOOD#THE LAYERS!!!! THE LAYERS!!!!!#WELCOME HOME I AM EATING YOU ALIVE#rambles from the bog#homebogging#ah yes... this is the feeling ive been missing lately...#the joy of discovery the Feral Delight the searching... reveling in how delicious the pieces of the project we have so far are...
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update: peach is doing very well!! she's eating and sleeping normally (sleeping more than normal, really, but that's to be expected)!! after 3 days of not sleeping and a few changes in painkillers, she finally just napped for an hr then, after another day, slept through the whole night (and most of the next day). she's started following all her usual routines again and is very keen to eat! still on some painkillers, but they're not having any horrific side effects anymore
now that im not staying up to keep an eye on her all night (while also dealing with upgrading my computer and my phone and also my sister preparing to go overseas and the dogs barking and howling constantly due to all of the above), i finally got some decent sleep too and slept for about 14 hrs. so today ive got that weird shakiness that i get from sleeping too much, but hey it's better than the whole of the last week
#personal#and i have a working computer that's finally on windows 10 so that's one less thing to have background stress about#and i have a working phone for the first time in.. a year? 1.5 years? idfk. my previous phone was 16gb so i could fit like 2 apps#could barely take pictures (and couldnt store them) and couldnt update most of my apps because i couldnt update my os because no space#so every app ran slow and then eventually my phone would crash if i opened the storage section of the settings#so i couldnt even offload apps so i could delete them while keeping the data for when i downloaded them again#couldnt order medicine remotely because my chemist only lets you do that from the app (not the website)#couldnt control the aircon because that could only be done through an app#missed loads of stuff because i didnt have email notifications because i could only use my browser for emails#couldnt see tumblr polls on mobile because i couldnt update tumblr because i couldnt update my os#left the house less because i had to delete pokemon go and that genuinely helped me go for walks#ive been dealing with all that for a year so this is very exciting and such a ridiculous qol boost#it sucks how much something like that affects your life. what do you mean i need an app for everythingggg#but god im just glad peach is ok. like there was a moment when i was so stressed trying to update my computer because it wasnt working#and then she ate a small bit of food for the first time in 3 days and just. everything was suddenly fine again#and the other night i spent like 6 hrs just sitting here downloading and installing things on my computer#but it was fine because peach was on the chair next to me sleeping through the whole night and it was such a relief#my sister finally got her flight yesterday (after it was moved four days in a row) so that's just one less thing happening#ive started playing bg3 so that's cool and maybe ill get a chance to actually properly watch that new dav trailer lmao#that premiered at 2am on the first night peach was home from surgery and hadnt eaten or slept yet and i was too stressed to care about dav#and it really just went downhill for the next few days#god. ok. today is the first day i can actually breeaaaathe
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OOOH MORE WIPS UPON YYEEE i amm gonna crawl outa this artblock even if it KILLS ME! and speaking of killsing. whats with THIS dead guy huh??? its chip jrwi baby yeaaah its undead chip baby yeaaaahh its chip n hes fucken dead and rotting and gross and OOHHH IM SO PROUD OF HIm(for being dead)
#riptide spoils#HEY REMEMBER THAT SPOILER TAG I MENTIONED I WOULD USE#ieah i know its ppprobably commonish knowledge rn what happpend to chip n stuff but yknwo.#still a pretty big fuckan spoily#ANYWAY LOOOK AT HOW MY STYLE SIMPLIFIES AND BOILS DOWN ALL THE COMPLEXITIES INTO CONSISTANCIES#i think the flow of my art going from more detailed to less detailed is fun heheheh weeee!! having fun and drawing!!#ALSO I MISSED DRAWING CHIPP OUHHH ITS BEEN SO LONNGGand now look at him...hes gorgus....HES SO CHARMINGLY GROSS#twirling my hair kicking my legs honesttllyyyyy ive been sooo in love w chip since i started the show... hes just so cute and stabbable#like i waant to see him in unimaginable pain and agony and also i want to see him hold hands w several other characters#INCREDIBLY easy to ship w people if u just look at how much every1 WANTS this guy. like remember how niklaus treated him. like damn.#ill draw another 'i ship chip w everyone' page again.someday.if u wanna see the first one u gotta go dig it up. go fetch.#anyway isnt it wack that chip is just dead now and hes jsut gotta deal w that and hes about to go into a big important arc as a dead boy#CAN U IMAGINE the reactions when he comes home. he wears the disguise ofc but all it takes is a hug to realize that he is rotting mush now#and also bones. HES TERRIFYING. hes gross. HES EVERYTHING U WANT. is he okay.#TRUST THE PROCESS! THE HOLY WATER SHOWER HURTS BUT WELL. MAYBE THATS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO BE. UNDEAD BASTARD. FUUUCK#IM working on other doodly pages. finishing up an edyn one thats VRY OLD.also a queen doodly page.ouuhh i gotta relisten to som eps tho...#but i dont have TIME or SPACE FOR PODCATS RN!!! HELPP!!!WAT THE FUCK IS JUDGMENT??????AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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the amount of cc i've been missing while i'm gone...
p.s i miss you guys 😭
#im in utah seeing my dad for the first time in a year and a half#i was worried about it because of something that happened last year but its been a good time so far!#anyway i go home next week and im do excited i miss my house and my kitties so much#also 👀 ive started seeing someone 🙈 its a liiiittle rocky but im cautiously hopeful#oh and ive gotten some asks while ive been away i promise to answer them when i get home!#dl
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so ive seen a lot of posts saying somthing along the lines of "(enter song here) is the perfect Enorace ship song, and there all fine and dandy, but i feel like yall are missing the obvious
like im still not sure about this ship but come on (its growing on me fast thogh ngl there are some good fanfics out there, im looking at you @dragonsdendoodles )
#im not usually much of a shipper so it kinda feels like ive been kidnapped#this ship is holding me hostage lol#send help#and angst fics#mphfpc#miss peregrine book#enoch o'connor#horace somnusson#enorace#miss peregrines home for peculiar children#Spotify
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i think a month long vacation in washington would fix me
#i havent been in over a decade and its the only place ive ever felt at home#i know its basically a stereotype that furries move to seattle but ive been going there since i was a small child nearly every summer#while growing up and i have such a deep appreciation for the land and the mountains and water there#the weather#there's a hole in my chest in the shape of an ice cold drink from the cafe my mom works at#there's another in the shape of those cool nights with the window open#watching the ferry cross the sound while you take in the sea breeze#i miss it so much i cry whenever i think about it#i left something behind when i got on that plane back to chicago when i was 16 and i need it back
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#just finished packing my suitcase for my flight tomorrow :(((#i dont :((( wanna go :((((((((((#idk its very mixed emotions bc on one hand i do miss my mom and my bed and my stuff#but i also have had the absolute time of my life this past month in london and im going to miss it so much#but i also know im going to enjoy myself in brazil too and im excited to spend time there and meet family ive never actually seen before#but that doesnt negate how much ill miss london and how incredible this city it. bc like it really is incredible. and i got to do SO much#while ive been here. even those smaller minitrips to dublin and edinburgh and staying in hostels for the first time#like that was so much fucking fun and i know i wont be able to do things like that in brazil#idk im exhausted and sad but also really happy and i am very much aware how lucky i am to be able to do this#and how special it is that i have family willing to help me and friends who were willing to host me and show me around#im just!!!! in my feelings!!!! and im having many feelings!!!!!!#but by this time tomorrow i should be on my plane heading home. then 2 days of rest before im back on another flight. i need. to SLEEP.#i hope you all are well!!!! kisses to all of you!!!!!!!!! please keep your fingers crossed that i dont miss my layover!!!!!!!!!#personal
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doing a little cheer anytime they mention my home state
#woohoo!!!#we just got another teehee#they keep talking abt us we stay winning mwah#funny that going to college away from it made me realize how much i love my state mwah. were just so cool idk what to tell you i rep us#constantly. number one advocate WOOOO WOOOOOO#(nother mention)#our swag is just undeniable idk what to say#literally never shut up abt my home state were so fun. also it lets me segue into a convo abt accents and hit the language brain as well#WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOO#ive been reading a bunch of local and state news recently so im very hype. also i miss my family and friends and the foooooooooooooood.#god the food
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#there's something really beautiful about experiencing the weather patterns of a new place#where i live now. its not like where i grew up. not like the foothills of Appalachia but its more familiar than the Chihuahuan desert was#when i go home to ohio everythings so green. so green. unimaginably green and the towns are in the woods. the hills roll#and trees billow deciduous and packed so tightly the treeline is like a wall of plant matter. here there are trees but they are tall and#evergreen. patchy in places like shrubs in the desert. the grass grows green but also pale tan and dead. houses are routed in valleys#between mountains. they're made of wood and not stucco but they still look strange and the landscape is crumpled together tall. and there's#water. it rains. days can be dreary and gray with drizzle. i forgot what thats like. when a single low stratus cloud blocks out thewhole sk#and fog clings to the trees. my school bus used to drive by a lake where thr fog was so thick i didnt kno how the driver could see the road#but somehow i forgot how much joy suspended water vapor gives me living in a place where when it rains it pours so hard the streets flood#and the greedy ground drinks the landscape dry. but there are new things as well. here smoke rolls up over thr mountains and gets stuck in#the valleys so that the weather forcast reads: Smoke for days on end. im used to tornado warnings and heat warnings and dust storm warnings#but ive never expected Smoke as a type of weather. and im sure there's more to experience. ive only been here like 3 weeks. its not as gree#as home. the storms dont seem to get quite so violent. the woods are so full of bears that its an active threat. but its not the desert#and while ill miss the shapes of desert plants and little lizards. when i look up at the pine and spruce trees i feel like i can breathe a#little easier. well see how i feel once the long cold winter sets in haha#but i dunno. part of me still longs for a violent thunderstorm. one where u can feel the temperature drop and u csn feel it building all da#one that bends the trees and smells like ozone. it was never like that in thr southwest and im not sure that happens here#but maybe thats just a desire for chaos and violence as a product of my pathological internal control. i cant be spontaneous so let nature#bring the fear to me. some of my favorite memories are watching lightning strikes#so it goes i suppose#unrelated#listen. is it fucked up to have ohio nostalgia? maybe so. but in my defense i grew up in the pretty part of ohio lol
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