#ive been living for 20 years not realizing i have a big head until now....... worm | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

madhousedarry · 10 days ago

Text

The Omen: Legacy of Lunacy | Chapter 20

Twenty years flew by for Nar-Tai like one night. And although all this time in his head there was nothing but creepy and surreal sticky nightmares, he still did not notice how all these years passed for him as quickly as if he had just gone to sleep for about eight hours and then woken up at eight o'clock in the morning, well, just like in the story, based on which John Carpenter shot his famous film "Aliens Among Us" or "They Live" in the alternative translation of Leonid Volodarsky.

But there was nothing surprising about that. After all, he had spent all those twenty years in suspended animation, lying in a glass bath filled to the brim with liquid nitrogen, and before that, the caring "Doctor Aybolit", who was present when he fell asleep, had given him glycerin to drink, thanks to which his intestines had not rotted during all that time, but were as fresh and fragrant as they had been twenty years ago, heh-heh!

But although for him these twenty years flew by like one night, the process of awakening for Nar-Tai was very painful, since it did not happen all at once, but in four stages ("Omen IV: The Awakening" will not let you lie!).

At first, our brave superhero thought he was in the glaciers, and that even he himself was nothing more than a big piece of ice. Then he began to think that he was no longer an ice cube, but a cauliflower growing in a greenhouse under the rays of the sun.

Then he was finally able to feel a tongue in his mouth, but since he had not yet fully woken up, he thought that it was not actually a tongue, but an icicle that had somehow formed inside his mouth.

And only when he suddenly began to feel how invisible, but at the same time very rough hands began to roll, break, rub and even beat him, he realized that he was he, and that no unusual transformations had happened to his body, and that all his feelings had simply failed him for a while, which had returned to him only now.

He opened his eyes and saw that he was in a huge room with a high ceiling. He was lying on a bed covered with a white sheet, and his chest was hidden under a blanket of the same color. He was lying on his back, and his head was resting on a small, hard pillow.

He tried to move his right arm, but it felt like lead, like a police baton. He tried to move his left arm, but it was in the same condition. Finally, he tried to stand up, but that was beyond his strength.

He realized that he had woken up enough to understand that he was still alive, but not enough to begin living the full life of a healthy thirty-nine-year-old - after all, in suspended animation he had not gained a single extra year! - a man with steel skin and platinum bones, who in his normal state could do anything, but now, alas, he would have to wait until his body, not yet fully awakened from a twenty-year sleep, was ready for new exploits.

In the meantime he had to lie and wait, wait for who knows how long until he was finally able to at least try to assume any other position than "lying on his back." Yes, it was not such an easy task to wake up from a twenty-year sleep, my little green friend!

You probably expected that after sleeping for such a long time, you would immediately jump out of bed like a fresh pickle and burst into cheerful bird trills upon waking up? Fuck you, faggot, go finish first grade, and then take my book in your hands! But for now, sit and study, STUDY, as Grandpa Lenin bequeathed!

What, are you offended by me, my little green friend? So why are you reading my book then, if you are so touchy? But I didn't advise you anything bad, my little green friend! I only said that you should study!

And you're offended, right? Well, fuck you, be offended as much as you want until you burst with anger. And I'll go continue writing my book, I guess. I still have a lot to write before I can finally say with a clear conscience that the book is finished and it's time to push it to print. Or not to print, but to samizdat, but in our time it's all the same crap, which is no sweeter than a radish.

In the meantime, I'll continue writing this chapter so you don't get bored. You've probably already decided that I, Darry Madhouse, suddenly interrupted the story to have a little chat with you. But I didn't.

I just needed to explain a few things about the plot, and you could have easily skipped those paragraphs and moved on to the next one. But since you, my little green friend, didn't do that, you only have yourself to blame! And I, Darry Madhouse… I'll continue writing my book.

So when Nar-Tai realized that he was awake and lying in bed, but he couldn't move his arms or legs, he knew what he had to do. He had to call someone to his bedside to come and explain what was going on.

And along the way, he would tell him what had happened to his friends and when he would finally be able to get out of bed and live like a human being, not a vegetable. And he did it. Namely, he opened his mouth, which, by the way, was quite easy for him to do in his current state, and quietly said:

"Hello, hello, hello! It's already light in the forest!"

And he heard someone approach his bed. Nar-Tai looked up and saw a young and handsome man with Asian slanted eyes and yellow skin. He was wearing a blue short-sleeved shirt, jeans and white sneakers.

There was a sad half-smile on his face, and his whole face expressed compassion mixed with joy, as if he was glad to see a man lying in a hospital bed in front of him, awakened from twenty years of suspended animation, but at the same time he wanted to tell him something that, with a high degree of probability, would spoil his mood.

But the young man was not going to say anything like that just yet. Instead, he just stopped at the head of the bed and said in the pleasant voice of a resident of a southern country called Jopon:

"Have a nice awakening, Mister Tairymbayev!"

Nar-Tai felt so awkward that this young man saw him lying motionless on the bed like a complete loser, that he even blushed in response to these words of the young man, which, strangely enough, immediately returned his good mood, so much so that he - voila! - was able to find the strength to lift his right hand from the sheet!

The young man, noticing that his words had a positive effect on the patient's condition - or was it the patient? - immediately began to shower him with words, as if he hoped to raise Nar-Tai to his feet, as if some kind of spell had taken place here.

"Dad and I couldn't wait for your awakening day. You remember him, my dad?"

"Uh-uh," Nar-Tai drawled, trying to figure out who was standing in front of him now, "who's your dad? And who are you? And where the hell am I anyway?!"

Growing more and more angry with each word, Nar-Tai felt with pleasant surprise that every word, no matter whether he heard it from someone else or said it himself, gave him strength, and by the time he said "where the hell", he had already jumped out of bed, throwing off the blanket along the way and standing before the young man in Adam's costume, who had retreated in horror.

That is, to put it simply, he was naked as a falcon. And if someone hasn't gotten the meaning of these definitions, then we'll have to say it frankly - he was naked. At all. He didn't even have any underwear on.

But it didn't matter to Nar-Tai, who was already so angry that, without even noticing it, he grabbed the young man by the chest and shook him hard, causing him to flounder in his arms like a fish caught out of water. At the same time, his eyes, in which a silent question was frozen, were ready to pop out of their sockets, and a barely audible wheeze came from his mouth.

And only when the young man's face began to change from yellow to blue - the same color as his shirt - did Nar-Tai realize that he was doing something stupid and immediately let go of the young man, causing the latter to fall to the floor, but, to the great relief of both, he did not break, but only got a bump on the crown of his head and immediately sat on his ass, rubbing his neck with his hands.

The young man was very handsome, and Nar-Tai thought that he shouldn't have treated him like that, but he immediately realized that it wasn't his fault - anyone in his place, after waking up from a twenty-year sleep, would have rushed at the first person they met with the desire to count all of his ribs.

And the young man, who seemed to be thinking the same way, was not offended by Nar-Tai, but, having finished massaging his cervical vertebrae, got up from the floor and, having tidied up his blue shirt, which had been crumpled during the squabble, approached Nar-Tai and, looking him straight in the eyes, said:

"Forgive me, Mister Tairymbayev, for treating you like this…" and he hesitated, apparently not knowing what to say.

"Oh, come on, boy," Nar-Tai said peacefully. "It's not your fault that I'm so angry when I wake up. And you, by the way," he looked at the young man more closely, "look a lot like my friend Ando."

At the sound of this name, the young man's lips stretched into a smile, and something resembling pride appeared in his eyes.

Unexpectedly for his interlocutor, he bowed, stood at attention and, without taking his eyes off Nar-Tai and keeping his hands at his sides, said:

"I am his sonnie, Tai Minamoto!" and he bowed again, this time to the ground.

Nar-Tai nodded reflexively in response, but then came to his senses and, assuming a stern expression, said:

"Are you kidding me or something?" he said without malice, but there was steel in his voice. "I remember that that brat wasn't even two days old, and look at you, you're such a warrior, you're at least twenty years old!"

Having said this, Nar-Tai immediately came to his senses - he suddenly remembered that he had spent twenty years in suspended animation, and therefore it was not at all surprising that that naked-assed boy who wet his diapers had grown into a handsome, handsome man during that time.

And Tai, who apparently thought the same thing at that moment, was not offended by Nar-Tai's words and instead laughed conciliatorily.

"Well, yes, once upon a time I really was a bug, but twenty years have passed since then, Mister Tairymbayev!" he said.

Nar-Tai laughed in response, then sat down on the bed, covering his crotch with both hands - for some reason, only at this moment did he realize that all this time he had been standing in front of the young man in Adam's costume.

He remembered that as a child he loved to peek through the keyhole while his father and mother were making love. And now he understood the reason for his strange behavior.

In addition, memories of how, as a child, he loved to look at the place between his mother's legs awoke in his head - and suddenly he realized: it was not just childish curiosity or a desire to see something new for himself, he wanted to look precisely because from an early age his testosterone level was much higher than that of all his peers.

And now, as he sat naked in front of the twenty-year-old boy, he understood that if this continued, he would not be able to stand it and would fuck him in all positions. And to prevent this from happening, he had to do one thing - find something to cover his private parts with.

And Tai, as if reading his thoughts, pulled out a pair of polka-dotted underwear from a chest standing near the bed and threw them to Nar-Tai, who, intercepting them in the air, immediately pulled them on and felt how the treacherous impulse finally left his body.

Now he could communicate with this young man without any fears that he could suddenly break loose and start trampling him like a rooster tramples a hen. And no, Nar-Tai was not gay. He just had this peculiarity of the body - without clothes, he immediately tried to fit his unit into a suitable hole.

And then there was one dick - a man in front of him or a woman - for his body there was no division into the partner's gender, since he grew up in conditions when a person, as a creature, has no gender at all - there is only a soul and the corporeal shell attached to it.

But now this problem has resolved itself, as soon as I put on my underwear.

True, they were a little small and quite noticeably pinched, but at least one could sit calmly next to a handsome young man of twenty years of age and have conversations with him about sublime matters that can only arise where love for all living things reigns.

However, it was necessary to speak about these things carefully, because the young man had probably already managed to hear all sorts of nonsense about gays, pedophiles and other vile individuals, which was why there was a risk that he would misunderstand his, Nar-Tai's, words and run away as fast as he could.

But since this did not happen, Nar-Tai finally allowed himself to relax and begin to attack the young man with questions about what had happened in the world during the entire time he had spent in suspended animation for twenty years.

"So, my dear Tai," said Nar-Tai, sitting on the bed and crossing his arms over his chest, "tell me how things are going? What's new from the outside world? How's, um," Nar-Tai wrinkled his forehead, trying to remember the people he was interested in, "that old geezer, you know, the Colonel…"

"Deadend Graver?" the young man prompted; it was obvious that he was eager to tell everything about everyone. "Comrade Colonel has go out."

"Where did he go?" Nar-Tai didn't understand.

"Let's put it this way," the young man began to choose his words, "Comrade Graver at the moment fully lives up to his name."

"Ah, he's dead, the old faggot!" Nar-Tai exclaimed joyfully. "Serves him right, the hemorrhoidal bastard…"

"In his place now is Boner Ghouler," Tai continued in the meantime, "whom there are rumors in the barracks that he eats guilty recruits for breakfast.

"I shouldn't have said that about my grandfather," Nar-Tai said in a completely different tone. "He was a fine man, a servant to the king, a father to the soldiers…"

It was unclear whether he had suddenly become seriously attracted to Deadend Graver, or whether he had simply pretended to have accidentally blurted out something wrong, but in any case, it made an impression on the young man, who, judging by his appearance, had turned red as a boiled lobster, which, given his yellow skin, was not so easy.

"I didn't know," he said in a timid voice a couple of minutes later, "that you were so close to the deceased," and he began to whine.

Nar-Tai, not knowing what to say, was silent for a few seconds. The situation was extremely awkward for both interlocutors: both felt awkward under each other's gazes and wanted one thing - for this unpleasant conversation to end quickly or at least turn into mutual reconciliation of the parties…

Finally, the silence was broken by the initiator of the conversation himself with his question:

"Okay, my dear Tai, don't shed tears, but rather tell me what happened to the others. For example, how is pan Grijas, who twenty years ago so kindly gave me a bottle of glycerin to drink when I was lowered into a bath of liquid nitrogen, doing?"

He thought that this question would calm the young man down, but he only seemed to become more upset.

"Oh, Mister Tairymbayev, why did you mention Albertas Vislovdovichus for no reason? - the boy almost cried."

"Uh-uh," Nar-Tai drawled, "so he's also, um-m…"

"Yes, Mister Tairymbayev, twenty years have passed, and when they put you in liquid nitrogen, he was already eighty-two years old…"

"Well, yes," nodded Nar-Tai, "few people live to be a hundred and two, except for whores… But let's not whine, let's have a man-to-man chat, remembering someone else, do you mind?" and, without waiting for the young man's answer, he immediately got ahead.

"How is your sister, Kari Minamoto, doing? I still remember how eight… No, TWENTY-EIGHT years ago she pissed all over me when I, while visiting your daddy, decided to take his newborn baby girl in my arms…"

"Oh," Tai immediately stopped crying, "my sister is already married! Now her name is Kari Kamiya and she already has three children, and her whole family is happy, like no other!"

"So, you see, there is happiness in the Universe, as long as a man is alive!" Nar-Tai exclaimed joyfully, approvingly patting the boy on the shoulder. "And how is Anton Skovorodnikov, who helped me immerse myself in a bath of liquid nitrogen, pan Grijas - Antichrist rest his soul?"

"Not everything is all right here," the guy immediately became serious. "He was brought to this lousy Analda by some evil spirit, where he ran off to when he stupidly fell in love with some forty-two-year-old cunt with some idiotic last name - either Whoreira or Vagineira, it doesn't really matter. But the main thing is," Tai continued, his eyes seeming to sparkle with anger, "that this cunt of our poor Skovorodnikov went and handed him over to the authorities there, and now poor Anton is sitting in a stinking Analdian prison, where he is tortured every day for secret information about what arsenals our army has and how many soldiers it has."

"Yeah, the guy was unlucky, he was lured by an old whore with her painted cunt," Nar-Tai shook his head. "And you don't know why he suddenly fell in love with her so much that he forgot about everything and rushed from Pet-el-burge to lousy Analda?"

"How could I not know, when in the barracks everyone talks about nothing else! - the young man exclaimed in his heart. - I understood from the very beginning that the man was lost when he started on the Internet…

"Wait, wait, my friend, not so fast," Nar-Tai stopped him. "Let's tell me everything about Anton Skovorodnikov in order, okay?"

"It's coming," the young Joponese man agreed with him.

Nar-Tai nodded in approval, and the young man, having calmed down a little, continued his story.

#TheOmen #The Omen #Omen #AsiaVieira #Asia Vieira #Delia #Delia York #fanfic #fanfiction

0 notes

goodfully · 1 year ago

Text

oh goodness, okay i just finished reading steppenwolf and i just have so many thoughts flying through my head...!!!

okay first of all, it was written in this sort of... endless prose, stream of consciousness way? so it was a bit difficult to read through. but!!! i do love books that feel like a very long train of thought, if that makes sense. it was a whole lot of stuff without pause, and i dont think the actual message of the book clicked until the very end of it (ofc i could also be misinterpreting! but this was just what i got out of it).

hghfjg anyway. it made all the sense the moment i got to the part where mozart was telling harry that what was required of him was "to live and to learn to laugh". if he hadnt said this twice on the same page, i might have not gotten it (i wish i was big brained). ahhghhh thats it!!!!! thats all!!!!!! oh god. learn to let go, learn to not take everything so seriously, learn to take it easy... oh my goodness, literally learn to live laugh love. "how can you say that youve raken any trouble to live when you wont even dance?" maybe its bc i know i tend to live more in my head than i do in real life, but i really appreciated the book.

ngl im a bit confused at whether everything we've read about harry and his self torment and torture and existential crises in the book was really just an illusion or a dream, just like the magic theatre was. like everything we know of harry and what we learned of him could just be something all in harrys head. i think thats what pablo meant by harry misusing the magic theatre and confounding it with reality. the magic theatre, like our mind or subconscious, is... just there. and letting it overwhelm and overshadow our reality... i think that was what harry realized at the very end of the book. that the source of all his pain and suffering was in him all along, not bc of his disconnection from society (and the very upsetting need to participate in that society in order to survive), and he accepts trying over and over to understand himself. most of the book was of how harry felt alienated from mainstream society. but the world could be rearranged in so many ways and so many times, and youll still be you. learn the limitations you put on yourself and... dont be afraid ig.

thats the other big thing from the book, like not to be afraid of yourself and the countless number of selves you have. ive yet to read more of hesse's works, but i think this theme of the multiplicity of the self or how we all have multiple souls is present in a lot of his books. harry was so focused on the two "souls" of his, that were violently against each other. the constant resisting and suppressing of the self isnt ever healthy, and at least i think this book was trying to get at saying to allow yourself to do what you want to do and not be afraid of intensity or of the extremes.

agrhr okay, actually as i read through the book, i was reminded so much of 18-20 year old me. they would have related a lot to harry i think.. haha... its a little frustrating, and honestly emotionally tiring, but i suppose its at least nice knowing ive somewhat grown in the more recent years. it might have just been bc of the circumstances at the time, but agh i lived and thought so much like harry and thought i really knew everything, that life was meaningless and loveless, that id always be doomed to be imprisoned in my flesh, forever empty and unbelonging anywhere as long as i was alive. its embarrassing thinking about it now, how angry i was at the world for how corrupt and unlivable it was and at myself for being too scared to die, despite how badly i wanted to kms. i thought i could never feel at home in reality, and hhh harry saying something about having "an intense longing sometimes to turn to and do something real for once, to be srsly and responsibly active instead of occupying myself forever with nothing but esthetics and intellectual and artistic pursuits." ahghhfh screams i am not harry haller!!!!! but my god, i was, and i was so insufferable.

oh this was very early on in the book but that one paragraph in the treatise about suicides??? "those souls that found the aim of life not in the perfecting and molding of the self, but in liberating themselves by going back to the mother, back to god, back to the all... for they see death and not life as the releaser. they are ready to cast themselves away in surrender and to be extinguished and to go back to the beginning." ahhhghh!!!!!! bashing my head into a wall, why would you say that!!!!!! hesse why are you in my brain hhh

this is pretty insignificant but with how much harry idolized mozart throughout the book, my love for classical music has been rekindled and im honestly having such a good time relistening to my favorite chopin ballades and ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!

alright i think ill end here... ive really enjoyed all the books by hesse that ive read so far (besides steppenwolf, just demian and siddhartha so far) and i really hope ill find a copy of narcissus and goldmund someday!!! honestly i think that anytime now i think "uhm well lol! maybe ill just go kms!" after a minor inconvenience, i will probably suddenly remember steppenwolf hahaha

#finished reading #steppenwolf

0 notes

kizzer55555 · 1 year ago

Text

(This is me, Scrolling through the reblogs of this post to combine the best parts into one story-ish thing at 2 am).

"Bet you i can fly around the whole world in 20 seconds flat"

"Oh.. ive been impaled"

"Did you know i can just take my head off. Whenever?"

"Dude can a guy just enjoy a milkshake! Just once please!"

"FRUITLOOP!"

"Jazz! The hotdogs are revolting! .. again!"

"I live and die for chaos"

"Boo"

" you really need to get a cat vlad"

" im gonna go watch the meteor shower From space"

“Oh why the fuck is the sky green again”

“If you eyeballs don’t stop popping up in my closet and trying to make me ghost king-”

“Wait, no, DaNI nOt ThE FaCE”

“i swear to aragon’s smelly dragon toenails if someone tries to use the nasty burger sauce as an explosive again i will LOSE IT”

“SORRY JAZZ CAN’T STAGE AN INTERVENTION IF I’M DEAD LMAO”

“i can’t believe hiding things in the walls backfired on me.”

“everybody do the flop-”

“FOR THE LAST TIME SKULKER I’M NOT GONNA LET YOU SKIN ME”

“hey remember when my evil future self tried to kill us all?”

“Oh, buddy, if you’re not scared of me, you should be.”

“oop, ‘scuse me, gotta go eldritch terror for a mo’“

“ah fuck i knew i should have made it more difficult to summon me”

“alright who the fuck is john constantine and why does he owe me his soul like twenty times over?”

“ooh, a gecko- shit, fUCK NOT A GECKO NOT A GECKO”

“i need to start charging for rescuing people from liminal spaces.”

“jesus fuck those are big teeth”

"Oh hey Fruitloop I thought you were-"

"No Cujo I can't play right now"

"Oh look. The vultures are back."

"Shit shit shit I thought I fixed that"

I feel that Tim is crazy enough to purposely stop his heart and have it restarted just to chew out his soul mate for all the shit he put him through.

Danny has had the words "please stop dying" since he was a kid. Before the accident it seemed very concerning. But at one point at his start of his Phantom career, he realizes with his friends that his soulmate's probably seen a bunch of phrases in their wrist by now. That's what pushes him to start using puns. To try to calm his soulmate.

During a live interview, Tim winces, and the interviewer immediately realizes what it means and offers condolences. Tim shakes his head.

"Nah, it's fine. They die all the time."

"...Excuse me?"

"They die. Over and over again. Their record is 6.2 seconds between deaths."

"How?"

"I wish I knew."

"What does it say now?"

Tim shows them. The camera zooms in on Tim's soulmark, which says "Testing testing, 1 2 3."

The interview continues, but then Tim winces again and he checks the soulmark. It changes on camera to "Holy shit, that worked. My soulmate is Tim Drake."

Tim's jaw drops, and he quickly covers it. He refuses to let anyone see it until the interview is over and he can look at it again in private.

At the next Rich Person Event™ Lex tries to question Tim about his soulmark because what does it mean if Lex's soulmark changes too?

Lex had never given much thought to his soul mate. Lionel had drilled into Lex from an early age that soul mates where a weakness men of business should not have, that Lex could not have. It was easy to convince himself that Lionel was right whenever he saw his soul mark “Aaah! Bogus!” Whomever uttered that as their final words was obviously not worth Lex’s time.

Lex felt almost relieved when he felt his soul mark burn, at least now he wouldn’t have the weakness of a soul mate for his competitors to try and use against him. Unfortunately for Lex is appeared his soul mate was resuscitated shortly after and his mark changed. Lex found “I refuse to die in a place like this” much more preferable to his previous mark, though he did find it odd that his mark seemed to slowly fade over time, perhaps his soul mate was dying, how tragic, anyway-

Little over two years elapsed before Lex thought of his soul mate again. Once more his mark burned,once more Lex breathed a sigh of relief and once more the mark changed. “I refuse to be weak” was now engraved on Lex’s skin, now much more vibrant than it had been since it first changed.

Lex thought little of it, people where revived from the dead everyday, perhaps his sickly soulmate died during life saving surgery and was brought back, not that Lex cared about his soulmate. But the mark kept burning, kept changing, the words etched on his skin changed nearly everyday, this was not normal.

Lex did his best to ignore his soul marks peculiarities just as he planned on ignoring its existence when he was a child but he couldn’t help but note some of the phrases that decorated his skin.

“Cheese and Crackers!”

“Oh I think you’ll soon find I get everything I want”

“Do we have a deal”

Lex finally got some answers to what was going on with his soulmate the day his mark changed to “Imagine my surprise when I find you, the second ghost hybrid his foolishness created”

Ghost hybrid? What did that mean? And how exactly did you create one? Lex tried to shake these questions out of his head, soulmates always brought trouble and they could betray you in the end. He knew the second he heard his mothers final words and found them written on his father her killer’s skin.

So Lex did what he did best when it came to his soul mate, he ignored them, he knew it would hurt less to never meet his soulmate than to be inevitably betrayed by them.

Lex through all his attention into strengthening LexCrop and convincing the public that Superman could not be trusted. An alien with no connection to earth should not have that kind of power, perhaps if Superman was a human things would be different but if Lex couldn’t count on the loyalty of a soulmate, he was not going to trust the loyalty of a random alien to a planet not his own.

Lex would have kept on ignoring his soulmate until that blasted Drake had to reveal his own soulmate was dying and reviving regularly, that Drake’s soulmates ability to die on command meant they could communicate with each other, that they could find each other.

Lex blamed Drake because his own soulmate had apparently gotten inspired or at least was annoyed into doing this because when Lex looked at his mark the next morning.

“Fine if it will get you to stop bugging me I’ll do it, Hello my name is Vlad Masters and I am your soulmate, happy now?”

No Lex was definitely not happy now.

Submitted Prompts #123

One of those soulmate aus where you have the last words your soulmate says to you written on you.

Each time Danny goes to his Phantom form, he technically dies.

Someone is very confused about why their soulmate would decide to say "I'm going ghost" on their deathbed.

Danny decides to make his identity reveal more dramatic by using his old catchphrase.

#dpxdc fanfic

4K notes · View notes

jaehyunctzen · 6 years ago

Text

i love jaehyun. thats the message of this post

,,,,,, i was tagged for bias selfie tags by @happyhwalloween @jackyulanterns @bookihyun and i forgot who else :( but thank u so so much for tagging me !!!!!

ill tag: @doyoungys @yericulture @yutah @seofthours @iridesuhnce @seoyoungho @doyjoy @seungdemon @dojaez @fangwoo @cupidjen @hyucktober @halloweenct @skelekuns

#:D #let me kno w if u guys dont want to he tagged in these kinds of thinbfg s !#ive been living for 20 years not realizing i have a big head until now....... worm #🤠

46 notes · View notes

ectonurites · 3 years ago

Note

heyyy can you talk about kons dating history or atleast with older women? ive seen a few posts but im not sure but thats so ://///

Ahhh yes. Kon’s dating history, I've finally now finished reading all his solo comics (and had already gone through his team books a while back) so it’s a perfect time to delve into this. I’m kinda broadening it to his love interests in general, as not all of them put an official ‘dating’ label on things, but are still worth bringing up. This is kinda long so sorry in advance about that, but I tried to be as brief as possible.

TW for pedophilia (in these specific cases discussing a 23 year old dating a 16 year old, and another woman without a specifically given age [but clearly an adult] with the same 16 year old) obviously i’m not talking about it positively here but it’s unfortunately necessary to discuss with this topic.

I consider Kon as having five primary love interests in the pre-reboot comics world, which is where most of his dating happened. The ‘criteria’ I guess i’m using to separate them from the others i’ll talk about after is a combination of ‘they interacted for a long time’ and/or ‘the relationship had a big impact on his story/him as a person’.

I’m also mainly sticking in pre-New 52 world for this because aside from the 'fake married to Lophi to protect her and her kid on Gemworld' thing in Young Justice 2019, he hasn't done much with relationships since getting officially reintroduced. Then the New 52 version of Kon was a very separate person and even so he was mainly just (sorta) involved with Cassie.

ANYWAYS the main five are:

Tana Moon - Tana was a 23 year old (as stated in Superboy #32) reporter Kon initially met during Reign of the Supermen, the story he debuted in (meaning she was one of the first people he met), who also happened to move back to Hawaii around the time he ended up there on his press tour. The two of them had an on and off relationship from basically the start of the comic until she broke up with him in Superboy #46. She briefly came back into his life in Superboy #72 after having been kidnapped by The Agenda, before being killed by Amanda Spence in Superboy #74. Kon and several others refer to her as his ‘first love’ especially after her death, which weighed very heavily on him.

Knockout/Kay - A woman we find out was originally one of the Female Furies, who works as a stripper at the 'Boom Boom Room’ in Hawaii while trying to keep a low-profile after leaving Apokolips. We don't get an exact age for her but she's very much so implied to be an adult. She hits on Kon from the moment she meets him (she also quite literally uses the term ‘jailbait’ to describe him in her first appearance in Superboy #1) and kisses him several times, insisting on working with him and training him and eventually beginning a more formal relationship with him. She kills someone and he blindly defends her thinking she couldn’t have done it, and she tries to coerce him into killing someone by promising herself to him (before killing the guy herself when Kon wouldn’t do it). The arc mainly focused on their relationship is from Superboy #22-30, but she is a presence in the comic from the start. She is arrested for the murders she committed at the end of the arc, and doesn't interact with Kon much again after as she is in a high security prison, but she is referenced multiple times.

Roxy Leech - Roxy is the daughter of Rex Leech, Kon's agent. From the moment she meets Kon, also during Reign of the Supermen like Tana, she's got a thing for him. Her age is left a bit more unclear, as some bits of dialogue indicate she is actually close to Kon's age but other things like how she applies to the police academy, something you need to be like 20 to do, indicate she's a bit older. Regardless, she’s definitely younger than Tana as she comments on her age at least once. She actively dislikes both Tana and Knockout for being interested in Kon, and confesses her feelings to him during a 'the whole world might end tonight' situation (in Superboy #33). The two of them didn't really date, but there is a period of time where Kon feels torn between Tana and Roxy. Not too long after that she ends up volunteering herself to be used in a procedure to stabilize Kon's dna after it had been torn apart by The Agenda when they cloned him, as the method to save him required someone close in age to him be used as a genetic template. From that point on they considered each other more like siblings, ending the romantic aspect of their relationship (in Superboy #41)

Serling Roquette - Serling is a 16 year old (as first stated in Superboy #57) science prodigy who works in the genetics department of Cadmus, and is the person who manages to cure Kon's condition where he'd been stuck at age 16 (a side effect from the procedure with Roxy). Initially she had a crush on Guardian, but over time grew to like Kon, she was one of the first people at Cadmus he personally tells his name ‘Kon-El’ to. They only kinda start to get together before Tana comes back and then is killed. After a situation where Roxy came back and needed help, when he and Serling try to maybe pick things up again, Kon realizes Tana’s death is still too fresh for him to get involved in anything too serious with her and he breaks it off, leaving them very tense with one another. (Superboy #82)

Wonder Girl/Cassie Sandsmark - Cassie had an interest in Kon before she even met him, more of a celebrity crush at first than anything else. They share their first kiss in Wonder Woman #153 after she had tried to change her look to impress him and he reassured her that she was already beautiful the way she is. Cassie was present for Tana's death in Superboy #74, and after that Kon is overly protective of her in a noticeable way that actively annoyed her (She points out to him that she can take care of herself a few times, like in Young Justice #29) but eventually at the end of Young Justice (in #55) he confesses feelings for her, and they share another kiss. Graduation Day bringing about the end of Young Justice as a team kinda throws a wrench in things, but early in Teen Titans Vol. 3 they begin to date more formally, and are getting pretty serious together (cough cough they uhh consummate their relationship in the Kent farm's barn in TT Annual #1) right before Kon is killed during Infinite Crisis. She takes his death very badly and joins a cult to try to bring him back, has her whole thing with Tim (who is coping equally poorly with the death... almost 100 cloning attempts babey), and befriends Kara as a surrogate Teen Kryptonian™, but eventually learns to accept what happened and move on. Then he comes back, and everything's a lot to process all over again. She had become the team leader and things were just different than they used to be. They tried to resume their relationship but eventually Kon decided to end it (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #91), because they both wanted different things at that point in their lives, but they remained friends and teammates.

So when people are talking about the ‘older women’ thing, it should be pretty clear from that list they’re talking about Tana and Knockout. Both were adult women dating a 16 year old boy, and neither situation did enough to handle it in a way that addressed it as the problem it was. Knockout’s situation did end up being seen as a bad thing by the end because of the murder parts at the very least, but the age difference didn’t come up nearly as much. With Tana a few people (Roxy, some of Tana’s coworkers, even Tana herself) did bring up the age difference as a potential problem, but they continued to stay together for a pretty long time regardless. The kicker is that she ultimately breaks up with him for being ‘immature’ after he gets stuck at age 16, when it’s like... he’s 16. You’re 23. No kidding you think he’s immature? It was just a whole mess and makes reading a lot of his solo incredibly uncomfortable.

Additionally he has a few other shorter-lived relationships/potential love interests. I’m categorizing them separately because they weren’t focused on in the same ways/for as much time as the girls I listed above:

Trixie (Superboy #94-100) - When Kon gets his own apartment in Suicide Slum, he repeatedly runs into Trixie and the rest of the Slaughterhouse Six, but Superboy inspires her to try to turn her life around. They didn’t formally date but that was definitely the direction things were starting to head towards before his apartment building blew up and he realized he needed to get away from the city where his presence was painting a target on innocent people, and so they decided to just be friends. (This was also when his solo ended, so possibly if the book hadn’t been ending they may have continued longer)

Batgirl/Cassandra Cain (Superboy #85, Batgirl #39-41) - They first met when Kon had been bugging Tim in Gotham, and had a little adventure together that resulted in Batman being PISSED because he didn’t want Cass interacting with Metas (especially not teenage boy ones that’ll flirt with her) and Kon volunteered to share her punishment so she didn’t have to do it alone. They later meet again shortly after Kon moved in with the Kents while on a cruise (and he’s her first kiss!) and afterwards she goes to Smallville to meet him. She’s actually like the first person outside the Kents we’re shown to know his new civilian name is ‘Conner Kent’. After their little attempt at a date they decide to just stay friends.

Lori Luthor (Various appearances with Kon in Adventure Comics (2009) & Superboy Vol. 5) - When Kon and Lori initially meet there’s definitely some interest and she kisses him, but it happens while he’s still dating Cassie so he makes it clear he’s unavailable. Afterwards he learns who she actually is and realizes ‘oh she’s sorta kinda my cousin on the Luthor side’ so he stops really being interested. She’s still interested because she feels like the cloning doesn’t make them really related, and they talk about it in Superboy Vol. 5 #4 after he and Cassie had broken up, but he still feels too raw from Cassie and too weirded out by the situation to have it go anywhere. Kon helps try to get Lex to cure Lori’s mom (Lex’s sister Lena), and eventually when Lex is an ass in the end he finds another way (Some Wayne money through Tim) to try to help her. Lori figures out Conner is Superboy and along with Simon and Sujan helps him to save Smallville from the Hollow Men.

Ravager/Rose Wilson (Teen Titans Vol. 3 #95-100, kinda some parts of Superboy Vol. 6 if ya squint) - This is another of those ‘they didn’t actually date but there was interest’ situations, in the very end of Teen Titans Vol. 3. A fake version of Rose had kissed Kon which was kinda the catalyst for it, where after that moment he became a bit more protective of her once the real her returned. They had a moment where Kon tried to trust her with something (Kryptonite to take him down if the situation arose) but she saw it more as him thinking she was the one ruthless enough to do it, rather than as a token of trust, and left upset. The reboot happened before this really went anywhere/got resolved though, but interestingly enough she became a bit of a support character in the New 52 version of Kon’s life, likely because of this connection they tried to do before the reboot. They never really dated there either, he just referred to her as cute a few times. New 52 Kon is a very separate person anyways, but it’s worth mentioning.

I might be forgetting a few other minor ones along the way (especially if there’s things that weren’t in his main books), and Kon (especially in the 90′s) was the kind of guy to flirt with pretty much every girl he saw, so bear that in mind. But yeah, I hope this helps!

#sam writes #this ended up like 2k words dear lord i have written So Much abt superboy in this year of 2021

83 notes · View notes

writingsfromhome · 4 years ago

Text

Bad Timing IV

A/N: To all the soft hearted crybabies requesting it: here’s part 4 to dry your tears from part 3. Thanks for all the interaction with this series, you guys are the best! <3<3<3<3

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

---------------------------------------------------

I take my coffee to the little patio in the backyard of my childhood home, breathing deeply. It was a couple weeks since the traumatic incident at the bank, the one where I nearly died and found a way to live again. The higher ups practically begged me to take paid leave, I had a feeling they just didn’t want me to take anything to court. I’d told them I would take the month, and knew I would hand in my resignation thereafter. I enjoyed my job as much as the next person but it was too much for me. It felt like closing a door on a chapter of my life that I wanted to move on from.

And now, I could truly relax, I wasn’t running away from anything for the first time in my life. After everything that happened in that small restroom at the back of the bank, Harry and I came to a peace. And I’d only moved on from there.

“You’re up early,” my dad comes into view, a cup of tea in hand. “Your flight doesn’t leave until tonight right?”

“Yeah, just thought I would appreciate the views before I go back to a city,” I move my feet off the chair so he could sit.

“You can come here anytime.”

“I know,” I wrap my hands around my mug. “Coming here it just...reminds me of mum. And it’s hard...”

“This is how I stay connected to her,” he pats the table between us. “She loved this place, her garden and those darn birds she fed all the time.”

“You feed them now,” I look to the birdfeeder filled lovingly to the brim with seeds.

“I do it because...” he says quietly. “It’s what she would want.”

I think about my mum, what she would want. It hurt when I thought about how she left me, married and happy in love. And then how much hurt I went through, always wishing she was there. In some way I know she knew--wherever she was. But I wish I could hear her, I wish I could have a love like she had.

“So, when do I get to meet this new boy of yours?” My dad asks.

“Dad, you know his name’s Alec.”

“I would if I met him, put a face to the name.”

I roll my eyes, my dad was a bit overprotective after everything that’s happened in my life. I think he felt guilty in a small way, him and Harry always got on--we teased them about their bromance. He was just as blindsided as me. But I’d told my dad everything that happened the first night I came over. He hadn’t judged, just listened, hugged me tightly, and left to make me a cup of tea. That was the most expressive my dad got.

After Alec took me back from from the hospital, I asked him to stay. And he had stayed since, making it official from casual to dating. It was scary but life was too short to hold back I had learned. I had to hold onto a good thing when I had one.

As for Harry, he hadn’t called me since that day he visited me. I’d left him a couple texts--when I was discharged home, and again to ask him how he was doing a week later. He’d sent a thumbs up and that was it. I thought we were okay, but he blew me off even when I tried to call him. It hurt a little, but I’d been so busy packing and getting on, that I let him be for now. I would wait until after visiting my sister to find out where his head was at.

H’s POV

It’s been nearly a month since I walked out of Y/N’s hospital room, and we’d just about tied all the lose ends from the case. The only thing about it all that lingered on my mind was Y/N. I missed her more than I had all these years apart, but I sat in the ache of wanting. It was time I catch up to the consequences of my past actions. I turned to writing, starting again after years of thinking I no longer had a passion for it. It felt freeing.

She’d texted me, called me too. I tried not to respond even though everything in me wanted to pick up the phone and ask her out to dinner, invite her over for a movie, ask her if she wanted to take my car and drive out somewhere like we used to after exams in uni. But I let her be, imagining that she was happy somewhere. With Alec, or whoever she wanted to be with.

The last thing I expect, is for her to be standing outside my station late Thursday night.

“Y/N?” I almost don’t recognise her. Gone was her stern bun and smart suit. Strands of her hair frame her face, like a piece of art on display. She has on a loose jumper and tights, a bum bag strapped across her chest that she roots through for something.

“Harry!” she drops her hands. “I’ve only been waiting here for...20 minutes, when your receptionist said your shift ended?”

“I had to finish up some paperwork. Why didn’t you call me?.”

“It’s not like you would’ve answered.” her hands on her hips, attitude dripping from every inch of her. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

“You look different,” I dodge the topic.

“I know,” she zips up her bag. “I had the month off, officially resigned today. I have absolutely nowhere to be. So I’m looking the part.”

“It looks good,” I say truthfully. She looked relaxed, like the Y/N I used to know. “You quit your job?”

“I had enough of that bank,” she shrugs. “I went to see my dad for a bit, and visited my sister. She’s doing well.”

“Ah,” I was glad she’d taken a break. She was glowing. “Seriously Y/N, you look really good.”

“You,” she points her finger at me. “Are not allowed to say things like that after ghosting me. I thought we...came to an understanding. You left me again.”

I open my mouth to say something, but her words hit me. She was right, I’d left her again. Fuck.

“Yeah,” she crosses her arms when I go speechless. “You admitted to your mistakes, apologized, and then left me. How do you think that’s made me feel?”

“I thought it was best if I left you alone,” I walk out of the way from the entrance and she follows me to my car, parked in the lot. “I just wanted to give you space--a chance at being happy.”

She scoffs, leaning against the driver’s side door. “Thought it was best for who, Harry? Who are you to define my happiness? It would’ve been nice just to hear you were doing okay!”

“I’m sorry!” I stumble for another excuse but I come up with none. “The truth is, seeing you with Alec that day I...it was hard for me. I couldn’t be around you like that.”

“What’s that mean?”

“I...” I look at her, looking at me expectantly. She was a woman with an agenda, she had come here looking for answers and wasn’t going to leave until I gave them to her. “I want you to be happy, all that shite. You can’t do that with me around. And it’s hard for me seeing you with someone else...I can’t stand to be in your life like that. Where I’m just...your ex.”

“So you’re saying, it took me nearly dying for you to realize?” Her eyebrow quirks up.

“In a way,” I huff. “It just, took me being around you to remember what I left, when we ended things. It also made me realize the mess I left behind-”

“Don’t you dare feel sorry for yourself,” she calls me out like nobody else could. It makes me laugh nervously and she takes it the wrong way. “Don’t laugh, I’m serious! I’ve felt sorry enough for the both of us for years. And maybe Y/N from a month ago would’ve wanted you to suffer a little bit, but not anymore. This last month...I’ve just felt so free and happy Harry. I get what you mean now, I get it. And I’m alright.”

“That’s great, I’m happy for you Y/N.”

“Yeah, I mean I get it, but you did go about it in the worst possible way-”

“I know.”

“I’m not done,” she pushes my shoulder. “Anyway, just because you did some shitty stuff, you don’t deserve to suffer okay? Move on. Onward. Not backwards.”

I’m taken aback again when she pushes herself off my car and wraps her arms around my shoulders. I slowly envelop her into me, savoring the feel of holding her even if it’s just for a moment.

“You deserve happiness,” she says in my ear. “If that means ghosting me, I won’t fight it. You just...have to let me know.”

“That’s not called ghosting,” I say as she separates herself from me. I want to pull her back but I stuff my hands in my pockets.

“Potato potato,” she waves her hand. “I should go. Just...take care of yourself Harry.”

Y POV (1 year later):

“That’s wonderful news,” I smile at my client who gathers their materials back into their portfolio. “I’ll have my assistant forward the contract over tonight. I look forward to working with your team.”

I shake hands and watch them leave the room before collapsing into my chair. I knew starting your own business was hard, but this last year was a bumpy road. I’d started my own consultation business, and only had two clients. This was my first big-deal contract I’d signed; I was promised two whole years with this team!

I reach for my phone to tell Alec, but I remember we weren’t talking. Well, I wasn’t speaking to him--he’d told me last night before my big meeting that he’d been offered a promotion at work. But the catch was it was in the Edinburgh offices “which works out perfectly for us! Your sister lives there, we can visit them often...what do you think?”

I’d been so angry then. Firstly, he’d sprung the news on me the night before a big day, and second he’d already made the decision for us. I was so angry I’d just gone quiet, and told him I had a big meeting the next morning.

My fingers itch though, to tell someone. My fingers hover over Harry’s name.

Every since I confronted him last year at work, he disappeared again but not completely. He texted me a few times, once on my birthday, another during a heat wave in the city asking me if I wanted to grab drinks. I wasn’t available and he hadn’t really texted me since. I knew he was a phone call away, and he knew the same of me. Yet neither of us ever picked up the phone to call each other. I wasn’t sure why, but we were still giving each other space.

Well fuck it, I think. I call him and he picks up on the fourth ring.

“Y/N?”

“Hey, are you busy?”

“Uh no--hold up, wait. Not you...Sorry Y/N give me a second.”

I bite my lip, he could be at work, I should’ve texted him.

“Hey,” Harry’s tone is different now, softer and the background noises quiet to almost nothing. “Sorry it was so loud in there, we’re celebrating a birthday--Serena, the receptionist you remember?”

“Oh yeah,” I have a vague picture of her in my head. “Don’t let me keep you from the festivities-”

“Why did you call? S’no big deal, I’m not a big cake person anyway.”

“Ooh, cake? Eat a slice for me, I don’t get enough sweets living with a health nut...” I trail off realizing who I was talking to.

“I’ll save you one if you swing by?” Harry suggests after a beat of awkward silence. Another second passes as I consider what he’s asking: he wanted to see me.

“Uh, okay! You don’t have to ask me twice,” I grin, a strange bubble of excitement making it’s way through me. “My office is actually not too far from your station. I’ll walk it.”

“Your office? Where are you these days?” Harry asks as I slip my bag over my body and head out the door. I was exactly an 8 minute walk from his station--I’d mapped it when I found the place cheap online.

“I’m renting a whole office! It’s all very professional--I mean it’s like, one and a half rooms..oh and I have to share the toilets with the whole floor-”

“That’s good, so there’s no way you’ll be caught dead in there if you’re sharing it with the floor,” I hear the laugh in his voice.

“That’s a very insensitive thing to say,” I scold him.

“It’s been a year, c’mon Y/N.”

“We almost died!”

“We weren’t going to die. You’re alive right now!”

“Thanks to a really bad detective and a toilet seat,” I say and relish at the sound of Harry’s laugh on the other end of the line.

“That’s not how you thank someone who saved your life,” Harry finally says when he’s done laughing.

“You didn’t save my life, I was never going to die in the first place remember?”

“Touche,” he laughs. “Get over here faster, I want to see your face.”

“I’m trying!” I speed up. The background noise grows louder on his side again and he apologises. “S’alright. Anyway I just called cuz I had good news and nobody to share it with immediately.”

“Tell me.”

“Long story short, I started my own consulting firm! Finance advice--stuff like that, and I signed my first long-term contract! With an actual client not just for like, a project! I’m-” I squeal, I couldn’t help it. “It’s such a big deal for me I’ve been struggling just breaking ever since I started up.”

“Y/N I’m getting you the whole bloody cake for that,” Harry says. I finally turn the corner to his station, nearly jogging at this point.

“Only if Serena doesn’t mind.” I joke.

“In that dress, who would mind,” he says. I pause on the street, he could see me. I squint but he’s nowhere in sight. And then there, he steps out from the steps and waves. I don’t bother taming the smile on my face and neither does he.

“I see you Detective,” I shout.

“I saw you first!” He shouts.

In an instant we’re rushing towards each other, bodies crashing as I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze hard. It felt like a reunion.

“How did we go this long without seeing each other,” I say when we pull apart. “I’ve actually missed you.” With the closure between us and no baggage weighing our memories down, I’d actually begun to feel nostalgic about Harry every time I thought about us--usually the friendship, not quite the marriage.

“I don’t know,” Harry pulls me close to him again. “I think we gave each other too much space this time around. We’ve got to find a better middleground.”

“I think we’re standing on it.” I joke.

“Hey, Styles!” A voice calls from the entrance. “Stop snogging your girl and come back in here. Serena’s wondering why you’re running away from her big day.”

“I’m not snogging anybody,” Harry calls back. “And I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Bring her with ya, we’ve got plenty of cake!”

Harry looks down at me and I raise an eyebrow. “You think they’ll let me have more than a slice?”

“I’m their commanding officer, I can tell them to let you have as many as you want.”

“Lead the way,” I grin, half excited to see Harry and half excited for the baked goods. Harry grabs my hand and leads me in. Unfortunately, enough people recognize me from the bank heist that Harry has to explain we’ve known each other for a while. Fortunately, enough people remember me to ply me with sweets to make up for Harry screwing up my case. I have zero complaints and celebrate the day with free cake.

H’s POV

My phone vibrates with Y/N’s text, she was here for lunch. Ever since she called me a couple weeks ago and we decided we couldn’t live without staying in contact, we tried to pop over for lunch whenever we could. It felt like old times. Being Y/N’s friend again was what I was missing out on. I was finally living the version of my life that felt right. I had a bounce in my step, I felt happy when I woke up. Even my officers teased me, trying to allude that I was getting some until I threatened them with paperwork. But I was brighter at work too.

I text Y/N that I would be a few minutes more, and when I finally go into the lobby to meet her she’s having a conversation with Serena.

“Man of the hour,” Serena says as I walk up. “Your girl’s here.”

“I can see that, thank you.” Serena insisted on calling Y/N that despite telling her multiple times we weren’t together.

“Serena was just telling me all the wild things she got up to for her sixty-fifth,” Y/N winks at Serena. I didn’t want to be part of that conversation so I drag her by the arm out of the station.

We walk in silence towards a small sandwich shop around the corner from us. I grab her swinging hand to catch her attention, and she gives me a small smile before turning away. But she keeps her hand in mine.

She’s unusually quiet, and I wait until after we’ve ordered to broach the subject. Before I could, she blurts out: “Alec's got to give his final answer today.” I nearly choke on my sandwich. She’s told me her predicament last week when I noticed she looked upset and wouldn’t let her be until she told me. I was gutted, but it didn’t seem like she wanted to go.

“I...that means, hm.” I gather my thoughts--and all my emotions too. “Have you decided if you’re...moving with him?”

“I dunno, this is an amazing job offer. I could be closer to my sister too but...I just don’t know. My life’s in London, my new practice too. How can I leave it all?”

“That’s tricky,” I say even though deep inside I was relieved it sounded like she wasn’t going. “Couldn’t you just move your practice there? Travel to London when you had meetings? You could always stay with me if you needed.”

She huffs, there was more she wanted to say but she keeps it in. I push her to open up. “It’s just, he sprang this on me a couple weeks ago and he just expected me to follow him. I love him, I do. But that’s asking a lot! It’s only been a year or so, and it’s nice to know he’s serious enough about me to want me to go with him. I just...”

“And we only just reconnected again,” I try to sound lighthearted but when she looks at me I can tell she knows I feel more than I’m letting on.

“Can you imagine?” She raises her eyebrow. “If I told him I’m staying because I just reconnected again with my ex...”

“Ex-husband makes us sound older than we are.”

“We are old,” she puts her sandwich down and sighs. “You wear orthopedic shoes Harry.”

“I won’t take offense to that,” I look down at my shoes. They were comfortable on the job. “So...I’m not factored into your decision at all? Whether you want to stay or not?”

I see the emotion in her eyes; she was conflicted. “I dunno,” she finally says.

“Don’t let me hold you back,” I say even though I wanted to beg her to stay. “You love him right? Maybe you should...”

She stares ahead, her face falling. I knew Y/N’s face before a cry, so I reach my hand out and clasp hers over the table. She squeezes my hand once before removing it, I felt like I did something wrong.

“Anyway,” her face brightens up again, though the look in her eyes stays. “I watched that new movie you recommended and it was awful...”

She changes the subject swiftly, and I don’t object. I didn’t know how to tell her to stay without being selfish, and I didn’t know how to tell her it was okay to go and act like I was telling her the truth.

But near the end of my shift, the evening receptionist buzzes me she was letting my girlfriend through. I don’t bother correcting her.

“Hey Y/N!” one of my officers calls out to her when she walks into the floor. “We’re all planning on throwing you a party.”

“For what?” She stops by his desk. I notice Detective Cole eyeing her, before joining in.

“He actually has a life now, he’s usually a lot more bossy with us.”

Y/N turns to me, eyebrow raised. “I’m afraid the party’s a little premature. But I’d never say no to cake.”

My heart sinks, she was going. I watch her walk towards me and she notices my expression, the smile is gone from her face by the time she reaches me.

“I told Alec I would try it out, 6 months. See how it goes...I can see my sister more often, help her out with my niece...” It sounds like she’s coming up with excuses to justify herself to me.

“That’s...” my words get stuck in my throat, the lie was too big to get out. “Your sister will love that.” I settle with. I take her hand and walk her out to a more private hallway. “When do you leave.”

“Two weeks,” she bites her lip. “I-I’m gonna miss you Harry. We just got into a flow and-”

“We’ll still talk.” I pull her in, I couldn’t bear to watch her face fall apart in front of me. And I didn’t want her to see my own face crumbling. I tuck her under my chin, “We’ve got phones, and you’ll be in London sometimes for work right? We won’t be like before, we’ll still talk.”

I know she can feel my heart racing, and I want her to know what she was doing to me because my mouth can’t seem to tell her. I hold her for a little longer, and when she goes, I know my unit won’t be throwing any parties for her in a while.

Three Months Later:

I’m in bum mode by 8pm that Friday. I’d had a long week, a tough case with no breaks and finally had an evening off so I changed into sweats the second I got home, taken a hot shower and washed the week off.

The knock on the door surprises me. The peephole doesn’t distinguish who’s outside, a hood covering their face. I decide to open the door, to find a teary Y/N hundreds of miles from home.

“Y/N-”

“I wanted you to tell me to stay.” she says to me immediately. Her tears continue dripping onto her cheeks. I stare in confusion, wondering for a moment if my lack of sleep had caused me to hallucinate her.

“Wha-”

“When I told you about the move...you told me I should go. I wanted you to tell me to stay Harry! I thought you would’ve told me to stay.”

I move aside silently, so we weren’t having a conversation where my neighbours could hear.

“How was I supposed to know that?”

“I don’t know!” she throws her bag, coat, and phone down on the floor in a heap. “You just were! I thought when I told you, you would say-”

“I didn’t want to tell you what to do with your life based on what I wanted! I thought I already established that!” Suddenly we’re arguing.

“You never had an issue before!”

“Well look where it lead us,” I move away from the door and back to where I was previously relaxing on the couch.

“A country apart!” She’s hot on my heels. “Didn’t you want me to stay?”

Some part of me is still completely confused what was going on, but Y/N’s fiery frustration overflows into my cup and an invisible force pours it down my throat.

“Yes. Yeah! Of course I wanted you to stay!”

“So why didn’t you say that?” She cries.

“I was trying not to be selfish!”

“Well you just pick the worst times to be selfish!”

“I never said I was good with my timing.” I mumble.

“Don’t treat me like-like some fragile porcelain Harry!” Y/N gets right into my face. “I’m not! I’m different, I’ve grown from that fragile place. I don’t need you walking on eggshells around me, I just want you to be honest!”

“When am I not honest?” I shout back.

“You haven’t been honest with me for months! Just say what you feel Harry, stop bloody holding back all the time! I just want the real you!”

“Fine!” I explode. “I love you Y/N! I love you so much it physically hurts me to be near you and not be able to hold you. I want to be able to kiss you like I used to, I want to go back in time and warn myself to get it right! I want to tell you how amazing you are and how sorry I am every day. I can’t! We’ve both got our own lives! I’m not being dishonest I just don’t want to fuck with your life again! I’ve accepted that I’m nothing more than an ex and your best friend!”

That stops her in her tracks. Her chest heaves as she swipes at her cheeks, and then she pushes her hands into my chest. I stumble but catch myself. She pushes me again, big tears rolling down her cheeks, and I stumble onto the couch. She turns and paces to the door and back.

“What are you even doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Edinburgh?” I finally ask the question I should’ve asked the second I saw her.

“Sure,” she throws herself onto the seat next to me and buries her face in her hands. “I...I didn’t want to be there. I just had to leave, and I couldn’t stand my sister going on about what a catch Alec was. How I should feel lucky. I had to get away. I never should’ve left London...I just thought maybe Alec was my chance at a fresh happy future, and you told me to go so I thought you didn’t want me to stay. But I fucked up there too, and I just had to go. And I came here with nowhere else--I can’t even live in my own home for three more months...”

She trails off. It was a lot of information to process. I don’t know how long we stay on the couch like that, a foot apart in silence.

“Everyone I know will probably think I’m just an idiot for coming here of all places, but this was the only place that made sense because I--Harry I think I...” She glances at me. “I...”

“I know,” I say after she struggles to say what she wanted to say. But I knew.

“But I feel so guilty, I’m doing to him what you did to me...it’s not fair.”

I didn’t think about it like that, I realise. But this situation was more complicated than that, I tell her. We had history, she’d moved to a whole new country for him, he must know somewhere Y/N didn’t actually want to move. But the parallels between her situation and ours are clear as day. I don’t know what to say.

“Stay the night,” I put a hand on her thigh. She doesn’t move it off. “Get some sleep, when you wake up tomorrow, make your decision. You know how I feel...and you know how you feel.”

“You’re right,” she lays her hand on top of mine. I thread my fingers through hers and hold on. Her puppy eyes tear me apart, I want to gather her in my arms and kiss her misery away. But I don’t want to add to her guilt.

“Let me get you something to eat, you’re probably hungry.” holding her hand was getting painful. I leave her alone in the living room, so she could collect herself. If someone told Harry three years ago this was where I would end up, he would’ve laughed in their face.

Y POV:

I couldn’t believe I did that, I think as I sit on the 5 hour ride back to Edinburgh. I felt untethered yesterday, after arguing with Alec all week because I was just miserable when I wasn’t in London. My sister’s pressure to be happy with what I had, I felt like I had no one to turn to who would understand me. And that had driven me into Harry’s arms, the train ride there fueling my frustration and anger. It had accidentally exploded in Harry’s direction when I got to his place but I was glad for it. He’d told me how he felt. And it was complicated as hell for me but somewhere deep inside, I knew where this was leading.

When I get back home to a worried Alec, we sit down and have a hard conversation. It breaks my heart leaving him, but after one last night together I pack most of my things and head to my sisters. The irony isn’t lost of me, hers was exactly where I went to when Harry and I split.

My sister tries to be supportive but I by the time the three months are over, I feel suffocated with her overprotective nature, and the full house she lived in.

“You’re just going to do what you want to do aren’t you?” She asks the day she drops me back off to the station. I’d spent the rest of the three months at hers--I couldn’t go back home to my house anyway and something about going back to London for another man felt wrong. I’d seen Alec a few times in those months. The last time was last night, we’d shared a few drinks and maybe some kisses. But it was a final goodbye last night, heavy but final.

“I don’t want to be a bad person,” I say. “I just don’t want to feel stuck somewhere because I feel bad.”

“You’re not a bad person,” my sister brushes my hair behind my shoulder as she hugs me tight. “I love you. Mum would be so proud of you for following your heart, you always did play it too safe.”

“I guess my rebellious phase just came a little late.”

“Ever since you met that Harry guy, you quit your stable job and haven’t been the same since,” she wags her finger at me like a stern maternal figure. She breaks character when she laughs and hugs me again. “M’gonna miss having you here. The kids loved having their aunt around.”

“I’m sure they’re happier having their play room back.” I joke to cover up how sad I felt leaving them too. Even though most days felt like we were walking all over each other, it felt like growing up in our small childhood home again; a nice reset before I headed back to London.

The train ride goes by quickly, and I settle back into my home over the weekend, getting my furniture out of storage and cleaning up after the last tenants. I’d been gone only 6 months but the second I walked through the door, I knew I was home again.

Letting Harry know I was back makes me nervous so I put it off for the week. I show up at his flat the following Saturday, wringing my hands as I wait for him to answer. I didn’t even know if he was home.

“Y/N,” a shocked voice says as I turn to walk away. Harry studies me as I stand awkwardly in his hall. “You’re back.”

I hear what he doesn’t say: you never called me after you showed up three months ago. and what happened to you?

“Hey,” I brush past him into his flat, fiddling with my jacket as he locks the door. “I’m back in London.”

“I can see that.” He eyes me. “Alone?” He asks, and again I hear the words he doesn’t say.

“Alone,” I smile. “I just needed...time to figure things out. I’ve been staying with my sister.”

“Full house?” He says, knowing it before I had to say it.

“So full,” I laugh, and just like that everything is okay. He takes my jacket from me and hangs it in his closet, like he knew I was going to stay a while. “There were too many mornings when I woke up to my niece just staring at me, waiting for me to wake.”

“Aw, they must miss you now.”

“Yeah,” I follow him through to his living room. I remember the last time I was here, sort of embarrassing looking back. “I was missing London though. And...you.”

He looks up. “Are you-”

“Harry,” I swallow what I need to say. His gaze is laser-sharp and it’s slightly intimidating to admit something like this. I’d given my heart to him before, and here I was giving it again after I’d spent years healing from what he did to it. It felt right, but also foolish. I guess love would always feel a little foolish.

“Y/N,” he says after I don’t say anything.

“So,” I walk up to where he stands near the window, the afternoon sun illuminates his handsome face. I reach up to touch it, no longer able to keep my hands to myself when he was so close. My breath catches as he closes his eyes against my palm, his lashes casting shadows on his cheeks.

“Y/N,” he keeps his eyes closed, like I would disappear if he opened them.

“I’m finally home,” I tell him, feeling the familiar lump in my throat as my eyes tear up. He opens his eyes then, they’re also pooling with unshed tears. It makes me laugh; he arches a brow. “We’re both here, in each other’s arms finally and...we’re crying.”

“We’re not a very typical pair, are we?”

“Nothing typical about us.” I say and he chuckles, kissing my wrist. My heart stutters in my chest.

“You’re either crazy or just incredibly forgiving, giving me a second chance at this.” Harry says outright.

“It’s us I’m giving a second chance to,” I slide my hands up, locking them around his neck.

“D’you think we’ll get the timing right this time?” He whispers as he lowers his face.

“We better,” I keep my eyes on his mouth, the one I’ve thought about kissing for the last three months. And then, finally, his lips are on mine and I nearly cry out of relief having him in my arms. Harry, being my Harry again.

His hands clench the fabric around my waist as he pulls me closer to him, his lips leave mine and he kisses my cheek, my jaw, my temple, before he crushes me to him.

“Harry I-” I couldn’t breathe, but my strained voice gives that away and he lets me go. I’m surprised to see the tears now trailing down his face. “You’re crying,” I swipe at the fallen tears.

“I’m just so happy,” he takes my hands off his cheeks and clasps them against his chest. “Y/N I’ve only dreamed of this, I didn’t think the universe cared enough about me to let me have this reality.”

“You and your poetry,” I smile.

“I guess you’re my muse,” He pulls me back to him, this time in a sweeter kiss that lingers. Tears pool in my own eyes as my heart tries to process the enormity of emotions I was feeling. “C’mere, I just want to hold you.”

He leads me to the couch and I lay down next to him. We take in each other, face to face, the grins reflected on both of us is impossible to wipe off.

“I love you Y/N, to the sun and back.”

“Isn’t it the moon and back?” I ask.

“Sun’s further out,” he smiles like he was expecting the question. I laugh, he kisses the tip of my nose and pulls my leg over his, his arm snaking around my waist so I’m snug against him.

“What am I gonna do with you Styles,” I brush one of his curls back.

“You’ve got forever to figure that out,” he says simply. My heart races at the thought. We’d bungled the first round we spent together, but after all these years apart I had a feeling that we really would have forever this time around.

With all the emotions fluttering inside of me, all the baggage unpacked and out of sight, and Harry’s loving expression looking back at me; I believed in us.

1.5 Years Later (H’s POV):

The house is quiet when I get in--it was half past 11 and I knew Y/N was probably asleep. I texted her a couple hours ago I would be home soon but time had slipped away as I worked. I hoped she wasn’t upset.

I move stealthily through the hall, eventually making my way to our bedroom where she lays sleeping. She’d left the lamp on beside her, and I move around to her side so I can close it. I notice the open book beside her--she fell asleep while reading it again. I set it down on the drawers and tuck her hand into the covers, the subtle diamonds on her finger glows yellow under the soft lamp light. Just looking at the engagement ring sparks a rush of love for the woman before me.

Y/N had surprised me a couple months ago when she proposed to me. We’d were dating again for almost a year and a half--this time it really felt like we’d gotten the timing right on our relationship. We were happier and more in love than we’d ever been. During a candlelit dinner one night, she had pulled a chair up beside me and presented me with the ring and an ultimatum.

Apparently she’d noticed that I was always on edge--like I was waiting for her to realize that she didn’t actually forgive me for all the awful things I put her through. And she was right, but it wasn’t until she said it out loud that I realized it was an anxiety I had. I was waiting for her to realize she could do better than me--leave me the way I left her. But she proposed to show me she wasn’t going anywhere, and she showed me her own ring her father gave her--her mum’s ring.

I was blown away by her observant love, again, how she knew me better than I knew myself. I reassured her I wasn’t going anywhere either, not now or ever. And we decided we didn’t want to set any dates, we were taking it slow. Being engaged was a promise and that was all for now. I wanted to live up to Y/N’s standard, give her and her family a reason to trust me again--not only would they kill me if I ever did anything to her, but I’m pretty sure my own family would kill me too. They were over the moon when they found out we were giving it another go.

“Harry?” Y/N mumbles as I slip under the covers a little while later.

“Sorry for coming home so late,” I whisper. “I got a bit carried away with the case.”

“What’s new,” she shifts to face me, the moonlight from the windows barely illuminating her face. “M’just glad you’re home.”

“Me too,” I pull her towards me. Home, it was this house we’d moved into last year. But mostly, it was this beautiful woman in my arms who opened her heart to me despite everything. I don’t know how I got so lucky. I tell her that.

“S’not luck,” she mumbles. “The universe--our stars are finally aligned.”

“My star was pretty dim, I’m surprised yours found it.” I tuck her hair behind her ear and kiss her temple. “You found it by luck.”

“No. Your star’s always burned the brightest in my universe,” she tucks her face into my neck. “Even when I didn’t want it to be, it was still noticeable.”

“You outshine me in every way in mine,” I lean away so I can hold her face close, resting my forehead on hers. “I love you so much.”

She smiles in the dark, and leaves a kiss on the corner of my mouth. “I love you, and I’d love you more if you came home on time.”

I chuckle, “I’ll try. Tomorrow.”

“Mhm,” she says sleepily. I’d let her sleep, I think as I pull her leg over mine and hold her against my chest. Even though I hated coming home by the time she was asleep, finding her in our little safe space, and being able to hold her close as we fell asleep was my favourite part of the day.

***

The day is nearly over but the paperwork on my desk says otherwise. I sigh and slump in my chair, this was the worst part of my job.

I begin filling it out, and I’m not even halfway through when the phone rings. Serena’s on the other line, “Styles, your patient fiancee is here for you. I don’t think she’s staying patient for long though.”

I tell her I’d be out, smiling as I put down the phone. Y/N was making sure I kept my word from last night, and I would. For her, I would get in extra early tomorrow just to be sure I had the evening with her tonight.

“So when do I get the invitation to the wedding?” I hear Serena say as I walk out to the lobby. She’s putting on her coat to leave and Y/N’s bundled up herself. “And then when do I get to see the mini Styles’? I better be around to see them!”

Not many would, but I notice the slight tension in Y/N’s shoulders at the sensitive topic. I step in.

“You’re worse than my mum,” I tell her. “And she’s actually going to be the grandmother.”

“We just want to see our babies’ babies before we bite the bullet!” Serena shrugs, walking out from behind the counter. “I’ll see you tomorrow Harry, Y/N it was lovely seeing you as always.”

We wave her off, and then I wrap my arm around Y/N and we walk out to my car.

“That’s the first question everyone continues to ask me,” Y/N says as we walk. “When the date is.”

“Does that bother you?” I check in.

“A little, but only because it leads to even more questions when I say we haven’t set a date.”

We get into the car, and I ask her the other question I wanted to know: “And the baby thing? Does that...bother you?”

She turns her body to look at me, tilting her head as she tries to read me. “It doesn’t...does it bother you?”

“No,” I say honestly. “I’m happy where we are. All that stuff can...come after. I’m just-I’m happy with you.”

“Good talk then,” she grins. I can’t help but lean over for a kiss then.

“Well I don’t mind the baby making part,” I tell her. “But I think the actual babies can wait.”

She pushes me away as her cheeks flush like we hadn’t been dating and married and dating again for over ten years. “Sometimes I think you’ve just got one thing on your mind.”

“Yeah,” I say as I start the car. “That’s you.”

“Is that what distracted you so bad when you were working on my case? Because you were totally distracted and we almost died-”

“We were never going to die!” I say over her--this was a common topic of conversation between us.

“I was going to bleed out and die!” She tries to speak over me.

“Oh now you were going to bleed out? You were never dying!” I shout even louder. And we keep going for most of the way home until Y/N catches sight of a dog at a crosswalk and begins to coo at it through the window.

“Maybe we should get a dog,” she starts on another of our reoccurring topics. I sigh, ready to launch into why we should wait. And that’s how the rest of the ride home goes. Not that I minded, I could discuss the same topics with her over and over for eternity.

“You’re just threatened by a dog,” Y/N continues as we park and head up to our front door. “Because then my love would be split between both of you.”

“Yeah sure, that’s it.” I roll my eyes at her silly reasoning. But I still grab her hand in mine and kiss it as we walk in. My stomach flutters when she gazes at me as the door closes behind her.

“I’m going to wear you down soon,” she says as she takes my coat from me. I take them both out of her hands and leave them in a heap on the staircase, kissing her so she stops talking. She smiles against my lips, knowing that she was wearing me down, and I’d give her anything she asked for. Anything to make her happy. I loved her infinitely.

144 notes · View notes

teeth-and-tea · 3 years ago

Text

ANIME & MANGA I HAVE BINGED IN THE LAST MONTH: May 2021

I've Been Hunting Slimes for the Past 300 Years and Now Ive Maxed Out My Level: incredibly long name aside, cute af slice of life that suffers Same Face Syndrome. I'm still happy to watch it because of how feel good and fluffy it is though, Im probably gonna forget about it in two or three years tho. 8/10.

Don't Toy With Me, Miss Nagatoro: I found out this was a webcomic first and suddenly all the HORNINESS made so much more sense. A Femdom, Degradation, Humiliation, Dacryphilia Bullies to Lovers story disguised as a high school rom-com which, I'm not going to lie, misses SKEEVY CITY by mere inches on a regular basis. However, I'm a Dom/Switch and this entire relationship sets off my dom brain center like New York City just shy of midnight. So if you're into that sort of scene, this anime is for you. If not, it's still fascinating but you're probably gonna be a little put off by how mean the Girl!Bully is to the guy MC. Unless you find out something about yourself, in which case, congrats! Stay safe, sane, consensual, and learn about the traffic light system on top of safe words, I promise you'll have a better life in general after that. Still Ongoing, currently 10/10.

Fruits Basket: IM GONNA CRY I LOVE THIS ANIME SO MUCH???? The original anime came out when I was in... I think middle school and my parents were really strict on what I watched so I never got to experience the first wave and I never bothered to watch the show ever after I moved out of the house years later. However, now that I'm much older I honestly can say this is one of my favorite anime to date, and all the characters are charming, lovable, with their own problems that I can connect to or sympathize with, and I love the MC which is always a treat tbh. Except Akito. Akito can suck a sandpaper dick. I'm only on S2 tho so no spoilers! Anime 11/10.

Monster Girl Doctor: went in thinking it was gonna be a monster girl who's a doctor with a homoerotic assistant (her name is SAPPHY okay sue me for thinking it) and ended up watching the entire dubbed harem series. Honestly, I've seen worse and this one has consistent follow-through on interesting characters and backstory enough for me to shove aside the blatant under-monstrousness of the female monsters and the harem-ness of everything else. Dubbing is honestly really good, which is a treat, and the monster designs are not the worst and the MC is tolerable. Honestly, I don't mind having watched it! The mix of cgi and the traditional animation together work pretty strangely though, and it often doesn't flow super well. 7.5/10

So I'm a Spider, So What: Dubbed version which honestly isn't that bad. Took me a bit to get into it, but after realizing that it's got a mismatched timeline a la The Witcher, it made so much more sense. Heavily done in cgi, and you can definitely tell between the 2D and 3D animations, but not the worst in the world. I went in not expecting much but it ended up being an Issekai I can stand and even enjoy. On god has a decent story... with the spider. I'd be a liar if I didnt say I skipped some of the human parts just to get back to the best part of the show. 8/10.

Somali and the Forest Spirit: I'm so fucking nostalgic for this thing it makes me want to go and hug my dad. About a human girl under threat of being eaten with a monster-dominated world. Very obvious "humans fear what they don't understand" message but instead of the humans learning tolerance it's what happens when they get annihilated first so like, kudos for the mangaka for having the guts to do that. I cried like a baby regularly. It's really good, I watched the dub and ID WATCH IT AGAIN!!! 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Oh my god. O h my g o d. Fell in love on the first episode, ngl. About if an immortal being learned how to be a person from scratch. I love it. HOWEVER. Keep a box of tissues on you at all times because you're gonna need them. I'm only on EP7 because that's all that's out right now but just know. I love it. Not for everyone but certainly for my "what do we define as human and the human condition" ass. 12/10.

Those Snow White Notes: A sports anime without any sports. About shamisen playing which is cool because I never realized how cool this instrument was??? Its neat af. OP1&2 are by Burnout Syndrom so know theyre fire. Gonna be real, its pretty alright, but not extraordinary. You can tell they were using the characters as archetypes rather than actually characters which kinda kills a lot of the emotional value you could've had, but I'm still gonna watch it. It doesn't make me cringe as hard as other sports anime tho so I consider it toptier in that regards but if you're a big sports anime fan you might be bummed out by it. Every single musical performance is INCREDIBLE tho. A solid 8/10.

Toilet Bound Hanako-kun: THE ART OMFG IT'S SO GORGEOUS. Listen, if you took coptic markers and gave them an animation budget with some manga panel direction thrown in there, that's this anime. It's beautiful. Gorgeous. I'm in love with the aesthetic every second. Story? Really good. Characters? I love the MC and his evil little twin brother asshat. Demons? Not super imaginative but I'm carrying on happy as can be anyways. Dubbing? A bit shaky at times but I found the voices charming if a little off for some of them. I'm already waiting for the second season with popcorn at the ready. 10/10.

Prison School: I watched this directly after Hanako-kun and it was like I got slapped in the face by sweaty unwashed titties and some fedora wearing schmuck's piss kink. No character is likable or redeemable. I finished it, but at what cost? 2/10 and only because a character shit his pants and I laughed.

Sleepy Princess in the Demon Castle: watched this right after Prison School and it was NECESSARY tbh. Its so CUTE and honestly, im not even kidding you, the fucking funniest anime I've seen in months. I watched the dub and the VAs are having the time of their lives working on this anime not just giving it their all but literally just going ham. Its great. If I read this im sure id be bored outta my mind but the VAs giving it a joyous performance make it an insta fave for me tbh. 9/10.

Sk8 the Infinity: i watched the dub with my bro and I can confirm that its a spectacular show because we both loved it and we have vastly different tastes. Incredibly SUSPENSFUL AND STRESSFUL for an anime about skateboarding but we finished it in a single sitting tbh. The last episode is not dubbed for some reason but we still loved it. Like if Free! was less obnoxious but the only fan-service here is Joe ♡ a beefcake who owns my lesbian heart. I think there's exactly one named female character tho and I legit couldn't tell you what it was if there was a gun to my head. So, over all, 9.5/10.

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime: I'm going to be entirely honest, I went in thinking it was going to be a boring isekai of no value. I was right about the Isekai part. It was honestly pretty interesting and focused on nation building like you're playing civilization rather than the usual "Get Stronger" narrative or "Get Some Pussy" narrative most isekais take which is delightfully refreshing. Granted there are flavors of that in this which means it doesn't alienate the big isekai watchers out there, but it's not the whole dish and it doesn't make me want to cringe the same way others do. You've got a slime MC just vibing and building a nation of monsters nbd. Does lose points for making the female monsters more humanoid than their male counterparts but makes them back by only doing perfunctory fan-service and nothing that makes me want to cry... except the butt sumo episode but in fairness it was all a terrible dream. Literally, the MC refuses to dream anymore after that. solid animation, decent voice acting, decent story, made me realize how HUGE this is in the Light Novel community???? There's like 18 fucking novels and that's WILD. 8.5/10.

MANGA:

Spirit Photographer Saburo Kono: a one shot special by the mangaka of The Promised Neverland! Honestly a really delicate touch of both super creepy and really touching, and I'm not gonna lie I'm bummed that this isn't a bigger project but the single chapter makes it a good taste for their style. I've been wondering if I wanna read/watch The Promised Neverland and now I think I will. 10/10

Deranged Detective Ron Kamonohashi: from the mangaka of Hitman Reborn comes this Sherlock and Watson derivative! Not even 20 chapters out yet with a sort of spotty schedule, I honestly love it even thought it's exactly as you expect. HOWEVER. Kamonohashi the "Sherlock" character uses mental pressure to kill all confirmed murderers and it's up to Toto the "Watson" character to save all those people before Kamonohashi kills them! It's just recently introduced a "Moriarty" family of crime lords (not a big spoiler don't worry it was obvious) so the tension surrounding Ron's past is amping up rn. Personally, I think the art is GORGEOUS, the characters engaging, and the story quick enough to keep my interest. Most mysteries are solved within a chapter or two so you're not stuck 20 chapters into one locked room mystery which is just peachy tbh. RN, 10/10. If this gets an anime, I anticipate a legion of fangirls who ship the two main characters along with their many friends. I've been alive too long to believe otherwise.

Don't Toy with Me, Miss Nagatoro: Yeah I read the manga after I watched the show. A slower build than the anime, but it works for the format, if theyd done the same with the show then I don't think it wouldve done as well. Honestly? Cuter tbh but just as horny. You dont start really LEARNING about your character until like, chap 65 tho and no real "drama" happens until like 75. A good chunk of the chapters are like 8pgs so its a breeze to get through. I love these slow burn idiots of the century. 9.5/10 because you can DEFINITELY tell the mangaka does hentai too.

Yugen's All-Ghouls Homeroom: one-shot by the mangaka for Food Wars, it's no wonder there's this constant perviness from the MC, a guy who can see and exorcise spirits. Takes place at an all girl's finishing school with KICK ASS monsters tbh, kinda bummed its not longer. The MC? Blatant monsterfucker who is also a CONFRIMED monsterfucker???? Idk i vibe with that single emotion. Everything else is hit or miss. 7/10 for monsters and cool concept, lost points for the MC very pointedly being okay with admitting he'd wait for the teenagers to be adults tho. Creepy af. Could live without that.

Hell's Paradise: I finished the entire 127chps in 3 days and I was really enthusiastic about it 90% of the time thinking about how deep it was and then I actually thought about it and I ended up being very neutral about the whole thing tbh. The art is fantastic tho, but DEFINITELY deserving of the M rating. Tits. Tits everywhere. But not tits to be ecchi over, no, monster hermit tits on beautiful women-ish figures. Now generally I give that a pass but a huge theme in the story is that men and women are "no better than one or the other" but like, lady tits are what you see 99% of the time. Men tits are few and far between. I call bullshit on most of the "deep" themes is what I'm saying, so it's like the mangaka was trying for those deep thoughts but missed the margin a little too far for my preference. That being said, the MC is a married man who loves his wife which automatically makes him my favorite character so like... idk so many good things, so many misses, but overall really spectacular themes and imagery. Unique but classic all at once. It's getting an anime and I have NO IDEA how much censorship they're gonna be doing but they're going to be doing SO MUCH. Oh yeah, and one guy is a plant/human hybrid who fucks a 1000 year old plant-hermit which makes him a canon monster fucker. And one canon non-binary character who I, a nonbinary, actually like. So like... gosh I've got mixed feelings. 8.5/10.

Choujin X: From Sui Ishida, mangaka to the mega hit Tokyo Ghoul comes this brand new manga!... Of one chapter, lol. Not really binge-y because it's just the one chapter out right now but I'm already keeping my eye on it. The grasp on anatomy in the art is PHENOMENAL and you can see Ishida flexing his art skill which is great. Can't give a true rating but I'm giving it a tentative 9/10 because I'm excited to see more.

Shag&Scoob: technically not a manga, its an ongoing webcomic I binged an subscribed to in one day and I just think it deserves more attention. Starts off funny with "what if Scooby Doo had a gun" and has been led to "what if all cartoons are aliens that survive and receive their powers by the humans that love them in an epic war with Martians." On god, its good. I finished the current series in a couple hours so it's a breezy read, highly recommend it. 9/10.

To Your Eternity: Yeah I watched the anime and then finished all current 143 chapters in like 3 days. GOD IM WEAK. I don't buy physical manga unless I know I want to remember the story forever and I'm already budgeting for the current books out. Yeah, this is a good series. That being said, definitely not for the faint of heart or those who suffer under common triggers like suicide, molestation, death, etc. It's all framed as bad and necessary to the story don't get me wrong, but it's there and has lasting affects on the characters. Incredible story telling by the creator of A Silent Voice. Keep tissues nearby at all times. 12/10.

#i've been killing slimes for 300 years and maxed out my level #don't toy with me miss nagatoro #spirit photographer saburo kono #fruits basket #deranged detective ron kamonohashi #yugen's all-ghoul's homeroom #monster girl doctor #so i'm a spider so what #somali and the forest spirit #to your eternity #jigokuraku #hell's paradise #choujin x #shag and scoob #toilet bound hanako kun #prison school #sk8 the infinity #that time i got reincarnated as a slime

45 notes · View notes

papermoonloveslucy · 3 years ago

Text

MEET THE PRESS

August 3, 1969

You are clued into the frank and tough talk to come by the way Lucille Ball swipes away with her handkerchief at the flies threatening the hors d’oeuvres The kerchief almost snaps like a wet towel.

The scene is the pool patio of her home on Beverly Hills’ Roxbury Drive and a cocktail party is in progress for visiting television editors.

Lucy has just emerged from the main house. She wears a powder blue double-breasted slack suit and saucer-sized sun glasses. In the blazing sun her orange hair has the color intensity of hot coals.

She has counted heads. Husband-producer Gary Morton is there. So are Desi Arnaz IV her son, and Lucy her daughter. And her TV side-kick Gale Gordon with his wife. Plus a half-dozen of her staff and CBS emissaries. There have been introductions all round to the newspaper types. It is time, she announces, to talk and she waves everybody into the big and comfortable pool house. A table has been positioned so that she can sit there presiding as she used to do at the stockholders’ meetings of the old Desilu Studios.

Almost immediately some wag fields her the question: “Lucy do you run the show?” She flashes him that big innocent TV look of hers. A staff member jumps up “Let’s all answer that one for her” There is a resounding “YES” from family-and-cast. Everybody laughs uproariously.

Very few questions are required to prime the pump. Lucy, it seems, has some matters of personal irritation on her mind and as far as she is concerned they come tumbling out without any prodding from her would-be interrogators.

First of all, she asks rhetorically, what’s all this business about whether she would retire? “I never said I wanted to quit or retire. There was a time when I was willing to quit but nobody asked me. Now I’ve set a date when I’ll retire”

A lot of ears perk up Somebody asks slyly — when? She’s waiting for that. Her answer is smilingly emphatic: “When I drop dead in my tracks.”

She turns then without anybody’s questioning to the matter of her longevity in television. This is her 18th year on the tube and it used to be talked about that she traded her popularity to CBS in return for its buying other shows produced by her company. This evokes an almost visible jet of steam out of the top of her carrot locks. “I never at any time sold any of the 20 shows our company produced on the basis of my returning each season. I’ve said that literally hundreds of times and nobody believed it.”

She went on to make it clear that she also dislikes the “big business” image which has adhered to her over the years. “I never like to talk about big money. I make my deal and that’s all. It’s been mostly a matter of legal procedures.”

As the star wades into these fiscal subjects your eye roams over the assemblage. Young Desi in tennis togs impassively studies the smoke curling up from a cigarette. Young Lucy clutches her hands around her knees and stares intently at her mother. Husband Gary sitting on a ledge at the back of the room swings his legs and smiles.

There has been no mention of Desi the elder the former husband Lucy’s co-performer and co-founder of Desilu Studios (now sold). Earlier this writer had chatted briefly with young Desi. He said he saw his father off and on and spends his summers as a rule at the father’s beach home at Delmar, south of Los Angeles.

The youngster asked if I knew his grandfather Dr. Desiderio Arnaz who lives in Coral Gables. (1)

But back to Lucy She’s telling us how many years it took to realize that as Lucille Ball she had attained V.I.P. status.

She reviews the years she spent trying to make it in show business, first on the stage, then as a model, and finally in the movies. Much of the time she says she stagnated. Until television came along.

“I never had any sense of importance. I was very pliable always willing to do what I was told It wasn’t until one day I saw in print somewhere some actress described as a ‘Lucille Ball type’ that I knew suddenly I was somebody and a part of the business.”

From there on the interview jumps from subject to subject.

I ask her whatever happened to the project Dean Martin’s producer Greg Garrison had for starring Martin, her, and Jackie Gleason in a revival of the musical “Guys and Dolls.” (2)

“I never said I would do it. Garrison kept publicizing it, but he never cleared it with me. I do still want to do ‘Diamond Jim’ with Jackie It’s just a matter of finding the time.” (3)

A lady editor wants to know how Lucy keeps her sinuous figure.

“I don’t particularly like food. I’m not very fond of meat, for example, except in the morning.”

Which brings a snort of disgust from her husband. “Can you imagine what it’s like to have to watch her eating corned beef or hamburger at 6 o’clock in the morning?”

The questions now go to the children. What are Desi’s plans? Does he want to make acting his future? “I want to be an actor for awhile but I don’t think I ever want to be one certain thing.”

Young Lucy, who, at 18, is two years older than her brother, is more sure of her future “I’ll go to college for awhile but I like acting. I’ll stay at it if I can.”

Would she somebody asks join the campus protest and carry a sign? Only if it says ‘wet paint’ quips she.

Lucy now introduces her cast veteran, Gale Gordon. He pays her extravagant compliments and talks a bit about his radio and early television days.

The interview’s late arrival is venerable George Marshall, who is now the show’s director. Lucy introduces him as “our sexy senior citizen.” Marshall goes back to the dawn of movies and is filled with fascinating anecdotes about his years in the business. (4)

The conversation turns to TV’s talk shows. Somebody suggests to Lucy that she would be a highly likely guest for Merv Griffin’s new show starting on CBS Aug 18. (5)

Lucy's answer comes lancing back “That’s what you think. I don’t like him.” Which rocks everybody back. Why not? “Because he doesn’t know how to interview. He’s rude to his guests and he monopolizes the conversation.”

She doesn’t wait for the next question. “I’m wild about Dick Cavett (on ABC) I think he’s great And I told Bill Paley (board chairman of CBS) he should have him on our network. But Bill said ABC got him first and we’re out of luck.” (6)

Everybody is suddenly distracted by three teen-age girl fans leaning over a fence way up front. They’re begging to be allowed on the grounds. Morton jogs forward to shoo them away.

“This happens all the time,” says Lucy. “My God they used to picnic right in front of the house until our police department stopped them. Jimmy Stewart, who lives up the street, finally told me how to keep them away. Turn on the lawn sprinklers.”

Morton returns and takes everybody for a tour of their luxurious but very lived-in home. Lucy tells us a funny story about how Jack and Mary Benny had once been their next door neighbors sold their home then asked her to try to mediate a re-sale of the place back to them. Then we take our leave.

# # # FOOTNOTES FROM THE FUTURE

(1) Dr. Desiderio Alberto Arnaz y Alberni II (1894-1973) was a Cuban politician and the father of Desi Arnaz. He graduated from the Southern College of Pharmacy in 1913 in Atlanta, Georgia. Desiderio Arnaz II was the youngest mayor of Santiago de Cuba (1923–32). When president Machado was overthrown in August 1933, Arnaz was arrested and jailed. Six months later, he was allowed to go into exile. He married Dolores "Lolita" de Acha y de Socias in 1916 and had one son, Desiderio "Desi" Arnaz III. He later had a daughter, Connie Arnaz (1932), with Anne M. Wilson, whom he married in 1941.

(2) Guys & Dolls was a 1950 stage musical by Frank Loesser, based on the stories by Damon Runyon starring Robert Alda, who appeared on several episodes of “The Lucy Show” and “Here’s Lucy”. It was filmed by MGM in 1955. During that time, Lucy and Desi were also under contract to MGM, so they prevailed upon “I Love Lucy” to insert a clip from the film into “Lucy and the Dummy” (ILL S5;E3). After its initial airing on October 17, 1955, the clip was removed from the film print, and for legal reasons, has never been restored. It is unclear whether Garrison’s project with Martin, Ball, and Gleason would have been a film revival, or a stage production. Whatever it was to be, Lucy wanted to have no part of it, perhaps remembering the rigors of performing on stage in Wildcat (1960). During her film career, Ball was in two films based on Damon Runyon material, The Big Street (1942), a film she claimed as her favorite, and Sorrowful Jones (1949). She also did a radio version of Runyon’s “Tight Shoes” in 1942. Ball and Gleason would have been cast as Miss Adelaide and Nathan Detroit, while Dean Martin would have played Sky Masterson, the romantic lead. Those roles were played by Vivian Blaine, Frank Sinatra, and Marlon Brando in the film. Obviously, the project never came to be.

(3) “Diamond Jim” was a project that Lucy dearly wanted to make with Gleason. He would play Diamond Jim Brady (1856-1917) to her Lillian Russell. Ball even went so far as to have a script written to further grab Gleason’s attention. Despite their best intentions, Gleason and Ball’s schedules never allowed for enough time to make the film.

(4) George Marshall (1891-1975) had directed Lucille Ball in Valley of the Sun (1942) and Fancy Pants (1950). He was considered an expert at location shooting, so when “Here’s Lucy” wanted to spend the first four episodes of Season 2 on location, Marshall was hired as director. He stayed on for seven more episodes of the sitcom before bowing out.

(5) Despite Lucille Ball’s rather harsh public assessment of Merv Griffin (1925-2007) at this August 1969 press party, Ball appeared on “The Merv Griffin Show” four times between 1971 and 1980! During her first appearance, the aforementioned George Marshall was also a guest!

(6) Lucille did seem to enjoy doing the talking to Dick Cavett, although she only got to do his chat show once, on March 7, 1974, in conjunction with her press tour for Mame.

#Lucille Ball #1969 #Press Party #Dick Cavett #Merv Griffin #TV #Here's Lucy #Gary Morton #Lucie Arnaz #Desi Arnaz Jr.#Guys and Dolls #George Marshall #Jack E. Anderson

4 notes · View notes

horansqueen · 5 years ago

Text

AM Conversations : chapter 55

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

(FINAL CHAPTER)

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49 || CHAPTER 50 || CHAPTER 51 || CHAPTER 52 || CHAPTER 53 || CHAPTER 54

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -5.2k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified the sequel is posted, message me!

- note for this chapter: i mean, this is it. this is the end. not really because you all know theres a sequel but its still super big to me. ive been writing for 22 years and its the very first time i finish a real story. im super proud of this story and it has over 220k words, which is something i’ve obviously never done before. im also super happy to post this last chapter on the same day Niall’s second album comes out. idk why i just think its cool lmao!

i would appreciate so so soooo so much your comments for this chapter but also what you think will happen in the sequel or what you want to happen in the sequel. also, anything about the characters, the storyline, the ending... honestly, whatever comes to your mind about this story, good or bad, comments or suggestions... please send it to me! thank you!!!

okay so here it is. :D

Chapter 55 : Her FINAL chapter

OLIVIA

I ended up rushing outside and walking as fast as I could. It took me a few seconds to realize it was pouring outside but it didn't really matter. Nothing really mattered. I was crying but I was still walking fast, letting the tears fall down my cheeks and the sobs getting out of my mouth without shame. It was only after about 10 minutes of walk that i realized I didn't even take my car but when that realization came to me, I still didn't give a fuck.

I was mad at Niall for hurting me and mad at myself for making him the center of my universe for so long. I was so lost without him. I didn't know where to go or what to do. I didn't know who I was, who I wanted to be... I didn't know how to breathe or how to live. I was so pissed at myself for giving one person so much power over me and I hated it. Niall could live without me, he could breathe, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and he had proved it only a few minutes ago. And that made me realize that I was completely wrong about love. It isn't to make one with the person you love. Your lover shouldn't be your other half. Even if the thought sounded incredibly romantic, when you took the time to think about it, it was ridiculous. I was someone without Niall, I just didn't know who yet.

That simple concept made my heart jump in my chest and I started running. I ran fast, feeling my backpack hit the bottom of my back with every step. I ran as fast as I could until my throat burned, until my legs hurt. The sound of my feet on the cement as it echoed on the walls of the houses around seemed to go in rhythm with the beatings of my heart and when I'd run in a pool of water, I heard it splash on me until the bottom of my sweatpants were soaked. In fact, when I stopped running, I was completely drenched and totally out of breath. I stopped because the person I was looking for was standing only a few meters away from me. He was panting too, I could see his chest raise up and down quickly as he tried to catch his breath and my eyes roamed on him until I noticed locks of his hair stuck on his forehead because of the rain. He was soaked too and I swallowed hard. Seeing him so vulnerable made me realize that's probably how I looked too. I felt my own hair stick to my face and my shirt to my back.

"Olivia."

He had talked a bit louder than usual, trying to make his voice reach me despite the distance and the noise of the rain hitting the paving of the sidewalk where we were both standing.

"I was... I was going to see you." he explained, still panting. "I just... I needed to talk to you. I was sitting on the couch and I just... I rushed out."

My legs had brought me to him while his were also bringing him to me and that thought made me sob. I brought my hand to my mouth to stop it until I saw him start crying too. He was literally weeping in front of me and I wanted to run to him and take him in my arms but I was motionless, like stuck in quicksand.

"Olivia, I got a girl pregnant." he added even louder in-between sobs.

I kept staring at him and swallowed with difficulty again before my lips parted.

"Niall broke up with me."

I don't know how long we stayed just away from each other, standing in the rain but at some point, I felt a shiver run across my back and after half a second, I was in his arms. He held me close, his arms wrapped around my neck and his forehead leaning on the top of my head. He smelled good, he felt great and when he cried again, I squeezed him tighter against me.

The rain kept falling over us but neither of us cared. We just held onto each other while everything was falling apart around us and we were each other's only hope. He brought me inside after a while and let me borrow some clothes, leaving me alone in his room to get changed. I took my clothes off and used the towel he gave me to dry my body. I quickly put his sweatpants and shirt on and started rubbing the towel in my hair as I walked very slowly around his room.

It was modern and classy, just like him, and I always liked the nice and soft carpet he had picked. I let my feet brush on it as I reached the other side of the bed, suddenly curious. There was a bunch of pictures in his room, pictures of his family and friends but there was one small frame that was turned face down on the bedside table. I took it and stared for a few seconds at the smiling faces of Louis and Eleanor, feeling myself tear up again. Two love stories were now ruined and over and I didn't understand what exactly had happened to us.

I sighed and put the frame back exactly where it was before going to the bathroom and hanging the towels behind the door. I came back to the room and smiled slightly as I pushed a pile of dirty clothes on the side and went back to the living room. Louis had made tea and mine was waiting for me on the coffee table. He was sitting down and I noticed he had changed too. His hair, unlike mine, was almost dry already and when he felt my presence, he turned to me and made a quick head movement to incite me to get closer. I breathed in and joined him on the couch, taking the mug with both hands to warm myself a bit before bringing it to my lips.

"Lady grey." I whispered, the left corner of my lips rising a bit.

"With a cloud of milk and no sugar." he added. "Your favorite."

I turned to him and tilted my head.

"Sugar ruins tea." I pointed out as he answered my smile.

"It does, darlin'."

I loved Louis. Everything was so simple with him, even more than with Harry. Perhaps the fact that Louis and I were only friends helped too. I was never only friends with Harry, and I was never only friends with Niall. There were always some romantic or lust feelings involved. I stared at Louis and blinked a few times before taking a few more sips of my tea. The hot beverage warmed my whole body but couldn't get rid of the persistent ache in my heart, unfortunately.

"Do you think it'll always hurt like that?"

"Yes."

It was not the answer I expected and he probably read it in my face because he moved a bit to sit better and face me. I was desperate for human contact and I just wanted to cuddle him but I waited, the fingers of one of my hands playing nervously with the fabric of the couch.

"He's your soulmate just like El is my soulmate." he explained and I could swear I heard his voice crack. "It'll hurt forever."

I swallowed again but felt a tear run down my cheek without wiping it off.

"What are we gonna do, Louis?"

He looked down at his lap and sighed loud. We were both sad and lost and we had no idea what to do with our pain. I moved a bit closer and grabbed his hand on the back of the couch. Immediately, he squeezed my fingers with his.

"I don't know, Liv." he admitted, shaking his head. "And I don't think we'll find out tonight."

I nodded, keeping his hand in mine, as a bunch of thoughts invaded my mind. Would I see Niall again? Would I even be able to be around him without crying or hurting? That didn't seem likely. How would I react when i'd see him with an other girl? Whether I still kept him in my life or not, i'll know about the girls he dates since it'll be all over the net. Niall is discreet, it's true, but he can't hide forever. Plus, we have a few common friends, including Louis.

"Why didn't you fight?" I heard, taking me out of my thoughts. "That's not you Olivia, you always fight for what you want."

I sent him a sad smile and shrugged, running my thumb on top of his hand as I stared at it.

"I saw his face, Louis. It was not a random decision. It was well-thought. It's something he had in mind for a while. I couldn't have done anything about it."

An other moment of silence and I licked my lips.

"Is it Briana?" I wondered in a low tone, looking up only to see him nod slowly. "Is she gonna keep it?"

"Yes."

My heart jumped in my chest. "When did you find out?"

"A week ago."

I raised my eyebrows up in surprise, a bit hurt that he hadn't told me before but I also knew I was the first person he told and that made me feel special. I shouldn't make this about me, it was selfish of me, but it felt good nonetheless to have someone who trusts me, loves me and wants me in his life.

"What are you gonna do?"

Louis sighed again and moved on his seat without letting go of my hand.

"The best I can." he shook his head, still avoiding my eyes. "I'll be the best father in the world."

His answer made me smile and I tilted my head, staring at him. There was something about Louis, something strong and rough. He was a hard-shell with a soft core and it was probably the only thing we didn't really have in common.

"There's no doubt you'll be the best father on the planet."

His lips curled as he kept staring down and I started thinking about Niall again and that time we had talked about having kids. I felt something stir in my stomach and swallowed again to get rid of the nauseous feeling hitting me. I didn't want a family with anyone else and I closed my eyes, trying to mourn the perfect life I've always wanted.

"I wish I had kissed him one last time." I whispered, feeling more tears coming to my eyes. "I missed that chance. I miss how he tastes, how he smells. I miss him."

"You would always hope for 'one last time', Liv. You'd always want an other 'one last kiss'."

He was right but I didn't tell him, instead, I looked down and sniffed before licking my lips.

"I don't even know why he broke up with me. He just said he was not ready to commit, that he knew we'd last forever and he was not ready for that. To me, it makes no fucking sense. When you love someone, you don't care about the other people you could sleep with, you don't care about your freedom because you are free." I tried to explain, getting a bit worked up. "I didn't stop him from doing anything, did I? Was I a crazy, jealous, controlling girlfriend?"

This time, I looked up when I felt Louis move closer. His eyes found mine and he blinked a few times, letting go of my hand to cup my face. I could feel his breath on my face and my lips parted.

"Some people are ready to do anything to prove to themselves that they're not trapped." he let out slowly and in a low tone. "It's on them. Not on you."

My eyes roamed on his face and my heart skipped a beat. I loved that man so much and he deserved so much better than all this pain. I felt his thumbs brush gently on my skin and nodded slowly. Louis always said what he thought when you asked him for an opinion and he always told you things you didn't want to hear but needed to. That, we had in common, that's why this friendship was so real and raw, and also why we got along so well. We were also not touchy or easily offended, which helped.

He moved back a bit and I felt his fingers brush my face as they slid down.

"I know we'd normally get drunk off our asses, but i'm too tired to get pissed. Tomorrow?" His eyebrows raised up and I just nodded. "You can take my bed, it's more comfortable. I'll take the guest room."

"No Louis, it's fine I can-"

"Shut up, princess." he cut me quickly, frowning even more this time. "You take my bed and that's it."

I felt my lips curl and just nodded. He winked at me and smiled before getting up and I followed him slowly to his room. I watched him grab the covers and gripped his elbow quickly.

"Louis, I'm not disgusted by your sheets, you don't have to change them."

He sighed and looked at me for a few seconds before nodding.

"If you're hungry, you take anything in the kitchen, if you need meds or anything, it's in the bathroom. Basically, take anything you need okay? It's all good with me."

I nodded and he pushed the covers before I sat in bed. It took me a minute or two but I finally lied down and brought the blankets on me, feeling tears coming to my eyes again. I didn't want to be alone, it scared me like hell, and if I was about to cry all night, I didn't want to do it by myself.

"Goodnight, Olivia." he just said, turning the light off as he walked out.

Something jumped in my stomach and I sat up quickly.

"Louis!"

He turned around to look at me and our eyes met. I held my breath and licked my lips, unsure if he could see me in the dark but I could clearly see him because of the lights from the hall, illuminating him.

"Please, stay, okay?"

It seemed like I waited an hour just looking at him, waiting for him to reject me but in the end, he nodded and walked away. He turned the lights off and I watched his shadow walk back into the room. My eyes followed him as he got around the bed and under the covers with me. I turned his way and moved closer without touching him and he did the same as we remained silent. I blinked a few times until I got used to the darkness and finally sighed loud.

"Can we spoon?"

"We can spoon."

I turned around, untwisting my shirt and he waited until I stopped wiggling to wrap his arm around me. I closed my eyes and for a few seconds, I imagined I was in Niall's arms, in his bed, but the fantasy was hard to keep. The truth was, it didn't feel the same because Louis was not Niall. No one was Niall.

"I wish I was with El right now. I wish she was the one pregnant with my child." Louis whispered, probably trying to convince himself that the girl he was spooning was the girl he was in love with and not his best friend.

"I wish I was with Niall, right now. I wish he loved me more than his freedom."

"I don't know how to deal with the pain, Livi." he whispered, his voice cracking despite how low it was. "I don't know how to get back up and move forward."

"I wish I could help you but I don't know either."

"I just want to ease the pain." he let out quickly. "At first, getting drunk and high worked but the more I do it, the less it works. I could beg you, Livi, help me."

My heart started aching and I shut my eyes tight as I swallowed.

"I've always dealt with pain the same way, and it's a very very bad way, Louis." I confessed, shaking my head. "It's toxic."

"Tell me."

I rolled on my back and he stared down at me, his hand now laying on my stomach. I wanted to move it away from me but the way his pinky brushed against the skin of my stomach did something to me, something it really shouldn't do.

"I don't know, Louis."

"Does it work?" he asked, and despite how dark it was, I could see hope in his eyes.

"Mmhm." i just answered, now daring to talk.

"For how long?"

My lips parted and I shrugged. "A few hours, it depends."

"I'll take a few painless hours." he insisted. "Please."

Slowly, I reached for his hands under the covers and slid it up on my stomach. I couldn't believe I was doing that and I knew I risked a lot. I risked the only strong friendship I had left. Whether we did anything or not, it could make things awkward between us and that thought was scary as hell. I had lost Niall, I couldn't bare to lose Louis, too. Right before his hand reached my breasts, I pushed it away and shook my head. I was not ready to risk that.

"Forget it, it's a bad idea." I closed my eyes, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace.

"Fuck no."

My heart skipped an other beat as it jumped in my chest and I felt his hand move back to my stomach. His fingers brushed on my skin and I felt my eyes flutter. I didn't know why, but I wanted this.

"That's how you deal?" he asked, raising his eyebrows. "Fuck the pain away?"

"Pretty much, yes."

"You said you slept with nine persons in your life but it wasn't true, right?"

Slowly, his hand traveled my stomach and I just shrugged slightly.

"Only nine that mattered." I explained in a whisper. "The others don't count. It doesn't count if I don't know your name."

"You know my name." he murmured, moving his face a bit closer. "Do you want to make it ten?"

I sent him a smile and chuckled very low. Fuck yes I wanted it, but the fact that he did too was laughable.

"You can close your eyes and pretend i'm someone else." I just let out, licking my lips again. "I won't be mad, I know i'm not your type."

"Who said that?"

I brought my hand to his face and pressed my palm on his stubble.

"I've seen the girls you fancy." I shrugged again. "It doesn't matter, it's just to push the pain away for a while, yea? We'll be best friends again tomorrow, right?"

"And we'll never talk about it again if that's what you want."

I laughed a bit, feeling suddenly nervous, and moved my hand in his hair. I felt my fingers slip in it as I pushed his head my way gently.

"I heard i'm not so bad of a lay so, just leave the lights off and you'll be fine."

This time, he's the one who laughed.

"Are you gonna imagine i'm Niall?" he asked, making me frown.

"No!" I let out a bit too loud. "I want to forget about him for an hour, that would be counterproductive."

"Then why do you think i'd want to imagine someone else?" he asked again. "You think so low of yourself all the fooking time, Olivia."

By then, his hand had reached my breasts and I noticed it was under my shirt. He ran his hand on one and I felt my inner thighs throb so hard I almost whimpered.

"Okay, we can try, and if it doesn't work..."

"It's already working."

My lips parted slightly and my eyes roamed on his face. He moved closer but it's only when his lips pressed on mine that I closed my eyes. Slowly and gently, his lips parted mine and I never thought I needed affection as bad as I did. It had been only a few hours since Niall broke up with me but I felt so lonely and craving this intimacy with someone was not something that should surprise me. Louis was not anyone, anyway, and sharing that with him, although a bit awkward, felt better than I thought, even if I had never really thought about it before that night.

I thought he'd be more the impatient, rough and cheeky kind of guy but his hand traveled so slowly on me it took everything in me not to beg him to go quicker. I felt his fingertips brush against my nipple and my whole body started throbbing. I was desperate to be touched, desperate to be loved, desperate to feel alive.. and Louis was doing just that.

I sucked my stomach in when his hand ran down but spread my legs when he slipped his hand in my sweatpants. My back arched immediately at his touch, his whole hand pressing on my pussy until I felt two of his fingers slip inside me. This time, I held my breath and tensed as his mouth left mine. He brushed his lips down my neck and I slipped my hand in his hair. He smelled good, he tasted good, and I tried to suppress the image of Niall that quickly came to my mind without much success. I started tearing up and swallowed hard but when Louis brought his lips back on mine, I relaxed suddenly.

"I know you like it rough and hard but this is not what we need tonight, is it?" he whispered, his lips brushing against mine as he talked.

I shook my head and brought his closer, crushing his lips against mine. It should have hurt but it made me lust him even more and I let my hand travel to his neck and down his chest until it reached his sweatpants too. I heard him groan low and it made me feel dizzy. I pressed my hand on the front of his pants and felt him grind against it as my lips parted again and I started panting. I was excited and impatient but I didn't know if it was because of what I was about to do with Louis, or if it was because I knew I wouldn't feel pain for a while. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

I felt him move my pants down and helped him, pushing them with my feet at the bottom of the bed. I took my shirt off quickly as he did the same and after I pushed his pants down too, he quickly moved on top of me. I spread my legs and ground up without thinking, feeling his hard cock press on my inner thighs but I held my breath when he started kissing down my neck and chest. He gave a special attention to my tummy and it surprised me a bit but I couldn't seem to relax at all, feeling suddenly insecure. I wanted to tell him he didn't have to do that, that we could just make out and fuck, but his lips pressed on my pussy and I let out a curse word. I thought he'd go fast but he moved his lips and tongue so slowly on me that I felt my eyes roll back. I slid my hand under the blanket and found the back of his head only to press his face more on my pussy. I started seeing spots behind my eyelids and I knew I was getting close. I felt one of my legs start shaking and gripped his hair tight when an orgasm hit me hard.

"Oh my god!"

He didn't stop, he kept moving his tongue on me for a while, even after I relaxed, and I enjoyed the post-orgasm attention. He finally got back out of the covers and kissed me again, his mouth leaving an aftertaste of my orgasm on my own tongue.

"Mm, lay down okay?" I whispered, allowing our mouths to part briefly. "Your turn."

His kisses were getting more passionate and impatient and when he let out a low "No", I frowned.

"No?"

"I can't. Not now." he whispered again, kissing me harder. "You taste fookin' good, you know that?"

That confession made me smile and made my heart jump at the same time. I lost my smile when I felt him push himself slowly inside me and wrapped my arms around his chest as I moved my knees up.

"Oh god, fuck me." I whispered, feeling him smirk against my mouth.

"That's the plan."

I chuckled and he pushed himself completely inside me, making my head move back as I whimpered. I was impatient and I ran my hands on his back as I ground up again to feel him deeper.

"You feel... so fucking good."

He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder his elbows leaning on the mattress on each side of my head , and I brought my hands behind me on the wall to move in motion with him as he started thrusting in and out of me, slowly at first but quicker and harder until I felt close to an other orgasm.

"Oh fuck i'm gonna cum again." I murmured, bringing one of my hands to his hair again.

"Do it princess, cum for me, I want to feel you clench around me."

His words and his voice made me reach my peak immediately and I started shaking beneath him, my lips parted as his reached for my neck. He started biting me, amplifying my orgasm as I felt him reach his. His thrusts became unsteady and rough when he tried to push himself deeper before he just stopped moving. I could feel his body tremble slightly and when he finally relaxed, I kept my eyes closed. I was on the verge of tears and I was not even sure why.

Louis rolled away from me as we both lied down on our backs, watching the ceiling. I was suddenly scared that it had changed something between us, something that meant that we could never go back to that friendship we had.

"It worked. I'm not in pain right now." he admitted as I shut my eyes tight for a few seconds before opening them again.

"I'm okay too."

He found my hand between us on the mattress and squeezed my fingers tight. I didn't know if this was a good idea but it did serve the purpose and for now, that was going to be enough.

"Why didn't you want me to blow you?"

He chuckled and finally turned his head my way. It took me a few seconds but I did the same and when our eyes met, I realized he was smirking and it made me smile.

"You said it only stopped the pain for about an hour, yea?" he asked, making me nod and frown. "I'm keeping it for round two. If you're willing, of course."

I let my eyes roam on his face again and I smiled more, bringing my hand to his cheek.

"I am."

Surprisingly, we ended up having sex a few times on that night, in-between a few hours of slumber and cuddling, and when I woke up, I turned around in bed to hide my face from the sun only to realize he was not in bed anymore. I kept my eyes close and my heart started aching again but I breathed in deeply and finally sat up and rubbed my eyes. I was still naked and searched the bed for my clothes before I actually found them on the floor, and quickly put them back on.

I walked to the kitchen with a yawn as I pulled on my hair without much success. Louis turned to me and smiled when our eyes met.

"Nice hair, princess." he chuckled. "That's what your sex hair looks like... Interesting!"

"You're such an arse I swear." I grimaced, amused, as I let myself fall on one of this chairs. "Are you really making breakfast?"

"Bacon, eggs, and toasts." he explained, putting a plate in front of me. "Nothing too fancy."

I let out a laugh when I noticed he made eyes with the eggs and a mouth with the bacon, making him smile more.

"You're an idiot, Tommo." I just said with a chuckle. "But thank you."

"For the breakfast?"

"And for last night."

He stopped moving completely but stared down at his plate and suddenly, I felt extremely guilty. I had ruined things between us just like I was scared I had and I swallowed hard. I couldn't lose Louis, I couldn't handle losing him.

"Shit, you regret it, don't you?"

He looked up and his eyes met mine before he frowned and shook his head a bit.

"Olivia, we had sex five fucking times. You don't regret five fucks that happened on the same night." he pointed out, making me breathe out the air I wasn't even aware I was holding. "I just thought we wouldn't talk about it anymore, I thought that's what you wanted."

It took me a few seconds to answer and I just licked my lips.

"It happened. I don't regret it. And I sure as hell won't forget it." I explained, shrugging a shoulder. "I'm just scared it'll change things between us."

"It won't. You're my best friend. That won't change."

I sent him a small smile and nodded, feeling a bit relieved. I knew I would be sure that nothing had changed between us only after a few days of hanging out like we used to but I trusted Louis and I knew he'd tell me if he thought things were different now.

"What are you gonna do now?"

We had both heard and asked this question a lot in the past 12 hours but I just sighed again, shaking my head.

"I'm just gonna... survive for a while I guess." I explained, taking a sip of my coffee. "And then i'll just... i'll work on myself. There are so many parts of me I noticed when I was with Niall, so many things I felt, so many flaws I have... that I need to work on. I think that's what i'll do. Work on meself."

When I looked up at my best friend, he was smiling. Not smirking the way he usually does, but sincerely smiling and it made me smile too.

"I know I always call you 'princess' but... you just turned into a 'queen' now."

I laughed and rolled my eyes. "Why? Because of what we did last night?"

"No, silly!" he chuckled and rolled his eyes too. "But what you just said? That's wise. It's actually inspiring me."

"Then let's both do that." I suggested. "We need to take care of ourselves, do things we like, work on us and... and find out who we really are. Who we are without them, as a whole... as complete human beings."

He tilted his head and his eyes became smaller as he studied me.

"Let's do that, queen." he agreed with a nod, making me grin even more. "Love you."

"Love you too."

#niall horan #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan writing #my fanfics #amc #some tags i cant add without spoiling this lol #oh god im so excited to post this ndjhsgajhsdgukadshxf

88 notes · View notes

stevie-steven-stevington · 6 years ago

Text

all that we are (chapter 1)

here it is guys. the first chapter of my endgame au fic is here at last. thanks to everyone who was encouraging me lol i love you guys. also nat’s alive too because i love her and i said so

Category: Gen Rating: T Warnings: none Words 4.5k

When Tony snaps, Peter is touching him. Distributed between two people, one with enhanced DNA, the power of the Infinity Stones does not kill either of them. What it does do, however, is forge a soul bond between Tony and Peter that they can't seem to get rid of.

Reaching out for Tony is second nature to Peter.

They’ve come a long way since The Homecoming Incident, as they’ve not-so-fondly dubbed it. It was a rocky start, but all things considered, Peter likes to think that finding their footing wasn’t nearly as painful as it could’ve been. Trust doesn’t come easily, after all, especially for someone who has suffered as much as Tony Stark has, but they got there eventually. (Peter wonders if the five years dangling between them will be the thing that sends them backsliding.

But no. The first thing Tony did when they reunited - five years, five years, five years - was hug him tight, and the look in his eyes said it all.)

Reaching out for Tony is easy. Reaching out is instinctive. Impulsive. Automatic. Reaching out is something he doesn’t have to think twice about, hasn’t had to think twice about for months now, because he knows that Tony will always reach for him in return.

It happens really fast, but it feels like forever to Peter. Like everything has been running on fast forward since the moment he woke up on Titan, but as soon as the Infinity Stones are in Tony’s hands, Peter’s brain starts processing in slow-motion.

His world narrows to a point, and in this moment he cares about nothing but Tony.

He doesn’t know why he does it. It’s not like he actually expects to help anything, to change anything, to solve anything. It’s reflex, he supposes, to search for his mentor when he’s clearly out of his depth. When he’s beyond the point of scared that he feels he can handle on his own. And, watching Tony stare down Thanos with the six most dangerous objects in the universe on his gauntlet, he thinks this is the most terrified he’s ever been.

They say hindsight is 20/20 and tunnel vision is blinding, but in this case, nothing and no one could ever make him regret what he does.

If he had to go back and live through the final moments of the battle against Thanos and his army over, he’d do the exact same thing. Again and again and again.

Because reaching out for Tony Stark in the seconds before he snaps his fingers and saves the universe yet again just so happens to be the thing that saves Tony Stark’s life.

His fingers graze Tony’s arm and the energy from the Stones instantly redistributes itself. Flows into Peter like a faucet, except there’s no way to turn it off. There’s no way to make the pure power stop flooding his veins, no way to make his skin stop burning, no way to make it stop feeling like he’s crackling with electricity all the way down to his bones.

It hurts. It hurts worse than anything Peter has ever felt, the pain so intense that it’s almost all he can even register. Nothing else is real. Nothing else is comprehensible through the sheer agony of possessing a level of power than no one being was ever meant to have.

Even through the pain, he sees the exact second in which Tony realizes. But by then, it’s too late.

Tony snaps his fingers with fear in his eyes and the potential to destroy the universe pumping through his blood.

Thanos’s army slowly begins to disappear, and Peter thinks this will be a pretty respectable way to die.

Then Thanos himself fades into nothing and the universe goes dark.

Sliding back into consciousness is quite possibly the least graceful thing Tony has ever done.

As soon as he even starts to blink his eyes open, he can feel...something fluttering in his chest, a sensation that’s horrifyingly akin to the palladium poisoning of years past.

Alarm bells. Immediate, deafening alarm bells go off in his head, and before he can even think, he jerks upright. His hands fly to his chest, an inexplicable pain shooting up his right arm, and he presses, hard, into the spot where his arc reactor would be. He’s shaking, all the way down to the tips of his fingers, and then he’s scrambling, his instincts screaming at him to escape escape escape, even though he has no idea what he’s trying to escape from.

He very nearly face-plants on the tile floor. Can’t quite figure out why he hasn’t until a voice he’d recognize anywhere says, “Jesus, Tones, again?”

He doesn’t know what that means. He doesn’t know what’s happening.

But Rhodey is here. Rhodey is here, and he sounds exasperated but not panicked so Tony must be safe.

He’s safe.

He’s on the edge of a panic attack and apparently he yanked a needle out of his arm (again), but he’s safe.

“Tony, come on, breathe.” One of Rhodey’s hands has settled on the small of Tony’s back and the other is wrapped around his forearm both to hold him up and to stem the trickle of blood from his ripped-out IV. “You’re okay. It’s over, Tones. Everything’s alright.” He knows this. In theory, at least, he does.

It’s not computing. Something is off - his stomach is twisted in knots and something in his head is yelling for him to listen, to pay attention, but he can’t hear a word of whatever that part of him is trying to say.

He’s still trembling under Rhodey’s hands, leaning into him as best he can from his awkward position between the bed and the floor. Rhodey moves his hand from Tony’s back to his waist and starts to gently shift him back onto the bed properly. Tony doesn’t resist, wouldn’t have the strength even if he wanted to. He lets Rhodey coax him down until his head hits the pillow and the fight almost instantly drains out of him.

And then, “Mr. Stark?”

Peter.

Tony shoots up again, vaguely registers something clattering to the floor and Rhodey swearing. Ignores both of these things in favor of swinging his legs off the bed and pushing up onto his feet.

(He’s pretty sure he’s going to give Rhodey a heart attack one of these days.)

He sways. Presses his palm against his still-bleeding forearm in place of Rhodey’s and just sways for what feels like hours before he feels just steady enough to stumble toward Peter’s voice.

His vision is too blurry to really see where he’s going, but all he can think is Peter and he figures he’ll find him eventually.

It’s all coming back to him. The time travel, the fight, the reunions. Using the Infinity Stones. Erasing Thanos and his army.

Peter.

Peter was there. He was there and he was alive and he was just as upbeat and talkative and bright as usual and he was alive.

They’re both alive. They’re both alive and it’s because of some ridiculous, half-cocked time heist, sheer dumb luck, and, if Tony has this part right, the fact that Peter happened to be touching him when he snapped.

It’s...on brand, if nothing else.

Frankly, Tony doesn’t have the energy to care how it all played out anyway. He’s got priorities - or, well, one priority, and right now it’s to hug a certain spider-kid.

It takes him a minute and his legs wobble all the while, but he finds his way to Peter’s hospital bed. The kid is sitting up, looking just the slightest bit more steady than Tony feels, and as soon as Tony gets close, he flings his arm out and opens and closes his hand in that grabby gesture that little kids make when they want their parent to come hold them. It’s quite possibly the youngest Tony has ever seen the kid look.

And God, Tony missed him. Five years, and all he could do was stare at framed pictures of the two of them and dream of alien planets and dust and Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good.

But he got him back. The kid’s in a hospital bed with an IV in his arm that thankfully hasn’t been ripped out (yet) and that same glazed look in his eyes that he got when Bruce put him on specialized pain medication after he was shot on patrol, but he’s back.

It feels like a dream. Tony has had this dream before, too, the one where they figure out how to save everyone and Peter comes back and everything’s great until either the dream deteriorates into yet another nightmare or Tony wakes up and remembers. He doesn’t think he can handle either of those options right now.

Peter’s hand finds Tony’s shirt. His fingers twist into the fabric so tightly that his knuckles go white, and Tony thinks he might cry.

He doesn’t. Instead, he brings his free hand up to cover Peter’s and squeezes gently. Peter smiles loopily up at him and the fluttery feeling in Tony’s chest fades.

“Peter,” Tony says hoarsely. It’s all he can get out around the lump in his throat.

The kid feels real. Solid. Not like he’s going to fade away if Tony holds him too tight.

“Hi, Mr. Stark,” Peter says. His eyes go soft. “S’been a while, huh?”

The noise Tony makes is somewhere between a laugh and a dry sob. Still staring at Peter, he calls, “Rhodey?”

“Yeah, Tones?”

“You see him too, right?”

He hates to ask. He really does hate to ask, but the level of trust he has in his own mind at this point is...low, to say the least.

There’s a pause. Tony fixes his gaze on that one curl of Peter’s that always (still) hangs in his face and prays to a god he doesn’t believe in that this isn’t just another cruel joke.

“Yeah, Tones,” Rhodey says again, and it’s not a question this time. It’s a confirmation.

Real.

Peter tugs, lightly, on Tony’s shirt. “Mr. Stark. Come sit with me.”

The bed is very much not big enough for two people. Peter scoots over anyway, looks expectantly up at Tony.

This kid is going to be the death of him.

Tony sits carefully on the edge of the bed and it’s only then that he realizes that if he’d stayed standing much longer, he most definitely would have passed out. Huh. On the list of the most dangerous things Tony’s ever done, ripping out his IV is, admittedly, pretty low, but it’s still on the list. He thinks it’s worth it to see Peter’s smile.

“Are you okay?” Peter, by now, has let go of Tony’s shirt and instead threaded his fingers through Tony’s. Apparently, the kid has way fewer inhibitions when he’s high.

Fuck’s sake, though. Is Tony okay, Peter asks, when he’s the one who vanished from existence and only just came back.

“Are you?” Tony shoots back, swinging his legs up onto the bed and scooting back to lean against the headboard. His head swims at the sharp movement and his legs end up half on top of Peter’s, but he ignores all of this.

Peter nods firmly, then promptly pitches over and buries his face in the juncture between Tony’s shoulder and his neck. Tony has to bite down on his bottom lip to keep from hissing in pain when Peter jostles him - Tony doesn’t know exactly how the stones affected him (or Peter. He’s a lot more concerned about Peter), but it hurts. Peter’s clearly too out of it to feel much of anything, but Tony’s whole body doesn’t seem ready to stop aching any time soon.

He kind of doesn’t care. Because he hasn’t gotten his hug yet - a proper hug that’s not in the middle of the fight for the universe - and he still really needs it.

There’s a lot of shifting he has to do, including letting go of Peter’s hand (he thinks he hears Peter whine into his sleeve - he wouldn’t be surprised if he actually was imagining it this time, though), but he manages to twist a little and wrap his arms around the kid’s waist. He’s careful to avoid the arm with the IV in it. Peter follows suit easily, free hand settling between Tony’s shoulder blades.

Tony breathes in.

(Peter smells like sweat and smoke and something so authentically Peter.

He’s not going to cry. He’s not.)

He breathes out.

Peter gives a quiet hum. “I like this. Can we keep the hugging?”

Tony laughs, brings a hand up to rustle Peter’s hair for the sole sake of making him squirm. “Sure, Pete. Whatever you want.”

Tony doesn’t normally like hugging. He doesn’t normally like being touched all that much in general, unless it’s Pepper, but maybe Peter’s tactileness is rubbing off on him.

He feels like the tables have turned and he’s the kid who needs to be held now. It’s not an entirely foreign feeling, but it is...a bit uncanny.

He doesn’t get the chance to dissect it, because Rhodey, who apparently made it across the room without Tony noticing, rests a hand on Tony’s shoulder and says, “As much as I hate to break up the reunion, guys, I’m gonna need Tony to come back to his bed so I can put his IV back in.”

Peter definitely does whine this time as Tony pulls back and turns to glance at Rhodey. “Do you even know how to do that?”

He knows the answer. Rhodey has done this for him and other Avengers more than once before, and the military man always has a really steady hand. He’s only asking to be annoying.

Rhodey shoots him a look.

“Okay, okay, honeybear,” Tony relents, still half-chuckling. “No need to give me that look.” Except maybe there is, because Tony really doesn’t want to move. He likes it here, with Peter, on this tiny hospital bed (vaguely, he wonders what hospital they’re in. It’s definitely not one of his own medbays), and besides, he’s not entirely sure he could make it back to his own bed.

“Does the bed roll?”

Rhodey furrows his brow. “What?” “The bed,” Tony repeats. “And all the machines. Can they move?”

“Um…” He gives Tony’s shoulder one last gentle squeeze, then turns and crosses the room. The bed doesn’t budge at first when Rhodey pushes at it, but a little investigating turns up a stopper that flips to let the the wheels roll. The IV machine moves without protest. “That, they can.” In short order, the other bed is pushed up against Peter’s and Rhodey has Tony’s arm cleaned up and a new line drawn for the IV. He looks away as Rhodey finds a vein in his right arm and expertly slides the needle through his skin, busies himself with twisting a lock of Peter’s hair around his finger, right behind his ear, to make him giggle.

After everything’s set, there’s a long moment where Rhodey just stands at the foot of the bed and stares at them. He’s been a fair bit less emotional than Tony up to this point, but now he’s looking back and forth between the two of them with more relief in his eyes than Tony has seen since Afghanistan.

“I’m really glad you two are okay.” He looks specifically to Peter, then, and while Tony knew that Peter’s death affected Rhodey and Pepper too, it’s not until he watches Rhodey start to extend a hand toward Peter, hesitate, then try to hide his smile in Peter’s shoulder when the kid reaches up to drag him into a one-armed hug that Tony realizes just how much it did. “We, uh - we all really missed you, Pete.”

“It was all…” Peter pulls away, glances at Tony before looking back to Rhodey. He’s uncomfortable, Tony can tell, probably with all the attention right after the shock of coming back to life five years in the future. Tony can’t blame him, he’s uncomfortable just thinking about it. Peter’s voice is quiet, almost apologetic when he says, “Everything happened in the blink of an eye for me. I wasn’t - I didn’t have time to miss anyone. But if I had, I would have missed you all too.”

In a way, Tony thinks it might be worse. Having no concept of the passage of time for five years, then waking up to a world that moved on without you. Not because it wanted to, no, but because it had to.

This is all so fucked up.

And where is everyone, anyway? Pepper and Morgan, the other Avengers, why are they not all crowded at Tony and Peter’s bedsides like the family of a coma patient in those corny drama movies?

Rhodey is just turning to go, surely to give them some space to talk, when Tony asks, “Hey, where are Pepper and Morgan? And everyone else, they’re all okay, right?”

“Oh, yeah,” Rhodey assures, glancing back over his shoulder at him. “Everyone’s fine, just a little banged up. Pepper had some legal stuff to take care of, with Avengers Tower and the press and all. Morgan’s with her.” “Wait, Pep’s - how long has it been?”

Rhodey’s lips press into a tight line. “Nine days. It - it was a little touch and go for a while, but things levelled out around day four. Pepper all but refused to leave your side until a couple days ago.”

Well. That explains the bags under Rhodey’s eyes.

“I’m gonna go tell everyone you’re awake,” he continues, slipping his hands into his jean pockets and rocking back and forth on his heels. It’s a habit Tony recognizes as one that only appears when Rhodey’s stressed. “I’ll tell them to leave you alone for now, but I don’t know how long Bruce and Nat will be willing to wait. If you need anything, just...have FRIDAY call me.” “Is May okay?”

“What?”

“My aunt,” Peter says loudly, too loudly, as if he’s trying to drown out his own thoughts. His teeth worry at his bottom lip, and it’s the most lucid he’s sounded since waking. “Is she - did she...turn to dust or…”

“Yes. She did, Pete.” It had been a relief, finding out that May had vanished along with Peter. He’s hated himself for it, felt horribly selfish for a long time about being so relieved that he wouldn’t have to find a way to look May Parker in the eyes and tell her that the nephew she’d taken in as her own son was gone. Eventually, he’d realized that, between the two of them, May had gotten the better end of the deal.

To Rhodey, he asks, “Did you guys get in contact with her yet?”

Please say yes. Please let this kid have one good thing.

For once in his life, he gets what he asked for. Rhodey nods, says, “She’s been staying here - this is a SHIELD facility, by the way - so she should be around somewhere. If you want me to bring her in now, I can, but the kid looks like he’s about to pass out.” Tony feels like he’s about to pass out.

“S’okay,” Peter murmurs, his fingers finding their way to the pulse point in Tony’s wrist. “I think I, uh...need a nap first.”

Again, Rhodey nods. Touches Tony’s shoulder one last time, then goes.

And then it’s just Peter and Tony.

Tony barely even has a second to fret over what the hell he’s supposed to say before Peter gives him a confused, vaguely disconcerted look and asks quietly, “Who’s Morgan?”

Oh.

Five years. Five years in which Tony got married (a bittersweet affair) and had a daughter. Five years that Peter now has to catch up on.

Somehow, he keeps forgetting.

Tony can’t look Peter in the eyes when he tells him, “Morgan is my daughter. She’s - she’s four.”

For a long moment, Peter doesn’t react. Just sits there and, slowly but surely, processes.

Tony doesn’t know what he’s expecting, but Peter’s face lighting up isn’t it.

And yet, the kid’s smiling. Bright and glinting and happy. “That’s amazing! I always knew you’d make a great dad, Mr. Stark.”

He’s not mad. Peter’s not mad at him for moving on.

Not only that, Peter’s happy for him.

He doesn’t deserve this kid. Nobody deserves this kid.

“I - I’ll introduce you to her. Whenever she gets back with Pep, I can - you can meet her.”

As quick as it came, Peter’s smile fades (Tony’s going to get whiplash, Jesus Christ). He’s just about to backpedal, even though he has no clue what he said wrong, but Peter beats him to it. “Does she know? About...about what happened and - and about me?”

Mr. Stark, I don’t wanna go.

There was no way Morgan could have not known. With the pictures around the house and on his phone, the nightmares, all of it, there was really no getting around telling her, even if he’d wanted to.

“I gave her the - the child-friendly version,” Tony says, voice cracking, “but yeah, she knows.”

Should he tell him?

He has to tell him.

“I kind of -” He stops, mouth twisting, fixes his gaze at the spot where Peter’s fingers touch his wrist, starts again. Steadier this time. “She thinks you’re her older brother who - passed away. It felt like the easiest way to explain to a little kid why this teenage boy she’d never met was so...important to me. So just - fair warning before you have an armful of four year old.”

He’s met with silence. But he still can’t look at the kid to try to gauge his expression, so he’s stuck waiting.

Something tells him Peter doesn’t mind, though.

“That’s…really sweet, Mr. Stark.” There’s way too much affection in Peter’s voice for Tony’s liking, undercut by the teasing lilt in his time. “I didn’t know you cared so much.”

Of course I care, Tony thinks.

“Go to sleep, Underoos,” Tony says, pulling his arm out of Peter’s grip to flick him lightly on the nose. “Spider-baby needs his nap.”

Peter swats his hand and rolls his eyes. “M’not a baby, Mr. Stark. And you look sleepier than me.”

He doesn’t even try to make it sound like he believes the last part.

Tony snorts. “Whatever you say, kiddo. Tell you what, we can both take a nap and then we’ll be good and rested for when all the other Avengers come storming in here like the barbarians they are.”

That’s all it takes to get Peter to drop the topic of Tony’s daughter and lie down. He immediately curls into Tony’s side, careful of the IV on his outside arm, making Tony tense automatically. Peter either doesn’t notice or just refuses to budge, and Tony has to force himself to relax, dammit.

His left hand finds a place in Peter’s hair. Peter’s right hand twists into Tony’s shirt.

It’s nice, once he gets used to it.

He’s only just gotten comfortable with it when Peter breaks the tranquility. Not even five minutes later, Peter pushes up on his elbow to look at Tony and says, “I’m sorry.”

He hates that he knows exactly what Peter means as soon as it comes out of his mouth. Hates that he knows exactly what the kid is apologizing for. He did it on Titan too, just as he was fading away, and Tony thinks he’ll never stop being angry with himself for not finding the words to comfort him.

There’s a level of sadness in Peter’s eyes, settled just behind the drug-induced glassiness, that makes Tony’s stomach twist. He never did get to a point where losing Peter stopped hurting, never really thought he would, and Peter’s guilt, however misplaced, is threatening to dig up even the pain that Tony did manage to bury. “It wasn’t your fault, kiddo.” There’s something else there too. Some other emotion is tugging, rather relentlessly, at his heart, but he can’t put a finger on what it is. Peter smiles sadly, knowingly. Almost ruefully. “It wasn’t yours, either.” Oh. Guilt. Makes sense. If they had a contest to determine which of them had a bigger guilt complex, Tony genuinely has no idea who would win.

“Pete -“ “No. No. The - the fight -“ Peter shakes his head, irritation rolling off of him in waves. Tony knows it’s more directed at his own disjointedness, though, than it is at Tony. “We lost. I know. But it was - if it wasn’t my fault, then it wasn’t yours, either.”

Peter flops back down on the bed, finally spent, as it seems. Tony’s starting to wonder if Peter’s haziness is contagious. The longer he’s awake and the more he tries to think, the blearier he feels.

He’s not going to fight Peter on this. It’s not like it would change anything or be beneficial to either of them. Peter’s always seen the best in people, never had an ounce of blame in his body for anyone but himself, and if he wants to pretend Tony isn’t at least partially responsible, then so be it.

“Okay, Petey,” he whispers. He wishes he could believe him, he really does, but he knows better. “Go to sleep.”

Peter tucks his head under Tony’s arm and is out like a light within second.

Tony drifts off ten minutes after Peter does, with his fingers in Peter’s hair and a feeling that’s almost, almost like contentment in his chest.

It takes him a good five minutes to find a bathroom.

His IV was removed while he was asleep, apparently. Surprising, since Tony’s always been a light sleeper and it’s just gradually spiraled since Afghanistan, though he does vaguely recall waking up at some point and slurring about...something or other.

The hallways are deserted. And dark. Tony can’t see shit as he wanders around, making at least four wrong turns on his roundabout trek - he wonders if they make SHIELD compounds so difficult to navigate on purpose. Probably.

Eventually, he finds himself staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror.

Something’s wrong. He knows it. He has no clue what, exactly, is wrong, but he knows something is. It feels like every cell in his body is still vibrating with the energy of the stones and the strange, fluttery feeling has resurfaced with a vengeance.

The longer he’s up, the worse it gets. And no matter how hard he tries to write it off, he can’t get around it. Something is so very, very wrong.

On his way back to the hospital room, he’s proven right.

He’s halfway there (he thinks) when his legs give out entirely. His vision blurs and he crumples to his knees - he thinks he blacks out, just for a moment, before coming to with his cheek pressed into the cold wood floor.

He feels sick. Weak. Lightheaded. A little bit nauseous.

Wrong.

When he tries to push himself up, his hand slips and he goes plummeting to the floor again. Shit.

“Help,” he croaks out, because as terrible as he is about asking for help, there’s always something to be said about extenuating circumstances. He’s trembling, ever so slightly. “Someone, I need - help!”

He doesn’t know how long he’s there, but he must fade in and out of consciousness all the while, because at some point, he comes to with Natasha hovering over him, more concern painted across her face than Tony thinks he’s ever seen on her.

“Call Doctor Strange,” is the last thing he manages to say before he passes out for real.

490 notes · View notes

thedankfaerie · 4 years ago

Text

i am posting this here because i am tired of burdening my boyfriend with my feelings. this is a little nsfw. and this is my call for help. i dont know who to talk to anymore about this.

i need someone to hear what i feel

or at least, a free space to say what i feel

im in a low place. i feel so awful about myself and my body and i hate this feeling. i hate that this time last year, i was so happy about the way i looked. i was working this awful job that had me so overworked and overtired and poorly treated that i skipped meals and slept through meals regularly... i lost so much weight from stress in just a year and was the skinniest i had ever been. mentally, i was not in a good place being exploited by my managers... but my self esteem re: my body was at a new level i never knew could exist for me.

last year, i felt powerful and confident about my body, and i expressed that through sexuality. i was fucking my ex that i still liked (i grew out of wanting him back, but he never did, and it was nice to have the upper hand). i was also fucking an old fwb that i stayed friends with, that was also recently single, so we reunited again at the perfect time. i was also seeing this one guy (now my boyfriend) so if ever i got tired of the sex i at least was able to calm down and settle down with someone who genuinely wanted to know me. of course, i ended up catching feelings for this guy, and cut off the other two to pursue something more serious (we are now dating and are moving in together next month!) anyways, it was so nice to be wanted. to feel... i guess sexy? sex is empowering. and it shouldn’t be taboo to say that as a woman, or anyone really. i dont want to give off the message that a woman’s validation is fueled by men’s desire - but hey, don’t you feel flattered when someone thinks you’re attractive? desire and lust aren’t everything... but they matter. and they have an impact on how you feel about yourself, whether or not you believe me when i say that is up to you.

and i hate that i would gladly put myself through the stress that i did just to feel happy about my body. before the summer ended, i finally had enough and i quit my shitty job. i was jobless for a month, but was able to enjoy the rest of the summer with my new ‘skinny’ body - last year i took my first bikini picture ... a 2 piece! i have never done that. i still think about how happy i was that summer to look and feel good about myself.

i have struggled with self esteem issues since highschool. i always felt like i was too big. i used to follow all these blogs of pretty people and try to copy their poses to feel pretty and i used to spend hours after school trying on short dresses and clothes to stare at my body in the mirror. i used to starve myself to the point of literally wanting to faint on the daily, until finally i admitted it to one of my teachers. she respectfully asked if i wanted to speak with the school guidance counsellor, and i declined. but she encouraged me to speak up to at least a friend, so i did, and it helped, and for a long time, i was okay. after i graduated that teacher still checked up on me for a few years every now and again.

4th year university was when i realized how much i had let myself go. i was the heaviest i had ever been, it was my graduating year, i was looking for a job and was always worried about my grades. every time i was stressed or every time i needed to study i bought pad thai and bubble tea. a ritual. i didnt realize how much that had caught up to me until i saw old pictures of myself. at this point, i started my (shitty) job, straight out of graduation.

i actively avoided scales, i didn’t like looking at the number because it just made me upset. and i already felt upset looking in the mirror, i didn’t need something else to make me upset. but i did. and i was 20 pounds heavier than i was in highschool - the heaviest i had ever been.

i cried.

i didnt do much about it. i was too busy. my first job out of uni was a brand new daycare and i was head teacher of a toddler class - also i was the only staff on floor since there were not as many kids. there was nobody to train me, at all. i had to teach myself everything. i had no time.

a little while before starting the job, i met this guy. he was so hot, but such a dick - we had a “thing” but it was so toxic. he started off interested in me, but i turned him down. his attitude changed and he started being a douche, but we became friends because we were seeing each other so often. i didn’t have a car yet. he was driving me everywhere. he lived 5 minutes away. he was the type of friend that would text me “im outside, lets go out”. we hung out as friends at first, we would have “study dates”, until we started hooking up. we acted like a thing but he denied we were ever one - but got mad at me whenever i tried to look elsewhere. but i guess in that time, it was nice to be wanted, especially by someone so attractive.

but again, a year in that shithole job went by fast. i would stay late after work. i would come in on weekends. i was expected to not only help new kids transition, but train new partners. and given that my supers refused to support me, i watched a lot of people quit due to pressure. i had to keep retraining. and kids kept coming. that never stopped. i can honestly say my class wasn’t settled until december, and i started in september. everyday it was ‘its fine, it will get better’.

a year in that shithole, with 0 support, and i lost all the weight i gained - and more. i was the skinniest i had ever been. even in highschool. i looked at old pictures of myself from when i started the job at my heaviest. i couldnt believe that was me. and i was so happy looking at myself in the mirror. for once!

after i quit that job, i started another job that i hoped would be a happy ending.

and it wasn’t. it stressed me out just as much. i also moved out by this point, a month after i started this job. my hours are whack. 7-9, 11:30-6. i woke up early and got home late. i never had free time. my last shift at my old job was 7-3:30 and i had the whole day to myself. im someone that needs social interaction and alone time, and by the time i got home i was so tired, i would just cook, clean, shower, and go to bed. and that was my life. sometimes i would get so tired that i couldn’t cook, i just went and ate out. i tried to make personal time with my friends after work but by the time i reached their house, it was late, and places were closed. and id have to leave early anyways because i had work early the next day... so fast food was the only way to make this work. on top of this, this was the most difficult class that i had ever had. the kids behaviours’ were so difficult and i couldn’t handle it. i would cry in my car 3x a week. i would cry 4 minutes before my shift starts in the washroom and walk out and pretend i was okay. i would have my boyfriend come over as much as i could just so i could cry in his arms. i couldnt leave this job because i had just moved out and having a consistent rent payment was a huge responsibility for me. as well, if you know anything about ECEs in canada, just know we make shit pay. but this job pays me better than most ECE jobs... by a landslide. AND gives me benefits, which is so hard to find. i am still at this job - i was at my breaking point at the time covid started, so i was rejoicing when we closed for covid. i havent worked since march, but i needed that time off so desperately.

with that being said, i gained the weight back.

not everything, but i definitely could tell i was packing on some pounds.

cue covid.

i havent worked since march. i fell back into a lazy routine of ordering fast food. lying in bed. resting. just enjoying NOT dealing with my difficult class.

but i gained it all back. and i think im back at my heaviest weight. i picked up all my summer clothes from last year from my moms... half of them dont fit me. my favourite pair of shorts won’t close. i just sat and cried in a mess of clothes on my floor in front of the mirror. this was last week.

im trying to tell myself, ‘you’re in the middle of a global pandemic, go easy on yourself’... but do you know what it’s like to finally get what you’re chasing, and have it be taken away from you? i finally had a taste of what it was like to look AND feel good about myself. something ive wanted since i was a teenager...and it’s gone. it’s my fault and i accept that, so please don’t tell me i did this to myself. i know i did. but i can still be upset about it. i look in the mirror and i try to suck my stomach in and pretend nothing changed but its not the same. i see old pictures of myself, especially that bikini pic. ironically, i captioned it “i will never have the confidence to take a bikini pic again”... and here we are. i look at the clothes i wore last year and remember how fucking good i felt wearing them. i try putting them back on and seeing my stomach bulging and my arms looking fat and my love handles, something i didn’t see last year. and i just take them off and opt to wear something frumpier that doesnt hug my figure.

i try to tell people about how i feel but i cant take those ‘love yourself and all your flaws’ campaigns seriously. i dont think i can listen to another ‘you have to just keep faking it until you make it and if u just tell urself ur beautiful u will feel beautiful!’

because if you’re me, you know you cant kid yourself. if you’re me you can’t ‘love every flaw’. you fixate on them. and you let them define you. and if youre me, flaws are all you see.

i hate myself for getting back to this point.

i have a very supportive boyfriend that knows about all this, who is trying to actively get me to go on runs with him. we are trying to go for walks more and be out and about. he reminds me of little things, like if we are getting bubbletea he will suggest i go with less sugar. he is trying, we are trying. and i appreciate him so much.

today i complained in my car about this to my boyfriend, again. for the millionth time. and he still was supportive. but i just feel like i cant keep doing this to him. he said something today, which i think was him trying to give me a reality check to show me that i cant just wish i could starve myself and overwork myself to lose weight and call it a day... but it stung. he said “i don’t want to be with someone that’s not healthy. i have standards too” and i realized then he deserves so much better than to fucking babysit my complaining ass. i am 24. and i shouldnt be putting this on him. he is an adult with problems just as real as mine and i shouldnt be burdening him with this anymore.

im scared to talk to him about how that comment made me feel, because he’s so right, and he has every right to leave me. i would honestly. the amount that i worry and fixate on all my flaws and complain and have crying breakdowns about this is not fucking normal. and it shouldnt be his problem. i just want him to be with someone that doesnt give him this baggage. he met me in my ‘prime’ days when i just started getting my skinny body last year. when we finally started dating, we were super sexually active. and i mean, having sex like 15 times a week. im not kidding. now we havent had sex in almost an entire month. i dont feel sexy anymore and its impacting my sex drive.. he tries to start it with me and i just can’t because i feel like he is probably repulsed by my body. this is a huge huge huge problem, seeing as sex was a huge part of our relationship (we are very emotionally in tune with one another, but sex was a great addon because we both love it so much). i hate the way i look without clothes on. i cant bring myself to do it because it makes me feel like shit about myself.

but we are moving in together next month. and that is a huge step. and i am worried that i will never change, and he’s going to feel like he’s stuck with me because he’s moving 40 minutes away from his hometown to live with me. i almost want us to break up so he can be with someone with less baggage but i also love him and i want to be better for him and for us.

someone please help me.

#help #lol

3 notes · View notes

pbandjesse · 4 years ago

Text

Today was another excellent day. I didnt get to do as much like. Straight up art stuff but it was a good day none the less. And I think Im making friends!! Wonderful.

I did end up talking to James last night about switching the sides of the bed we sleep on. And I actually think it helped. I wasnt as hot and I fell asleep a little easier. I did get woken up by James walking over me in the morning but that was fine. Well see how it goes tonight.

I did sleep good though. I woke up at 6 and was a little confused about what time it was. But I realized I still could sleep more and did just that.

I woke up at 730 and made the bed and went and got washed up. I felt so super cute today. I big hoops and felt so good about myself. I would end up putting my hair in braids later in the day because it was so humid but man my hair looked so good this morning.

I was a little nervous though because our tires needed air and I felt uncomfortable doing that. But James continues to be amazing and drove with me around the corner and put air in, and then he walked home so I wouldnt be late. Also he remembered my lunch when I forgot it. Best boy.

I was exactly on time to get Charlotte. and we had a good ride out. Got to the camp and we were right on time.

But that meant there was limited parking. I still got a spot but it was a close thing. And then we had a line to get out temperatures taken. Charlotte got to skip the line to go to her ropes training. But I waited and it was all good.

Once I was cleared to go I went up to the art building and dropped my stuff off. Hung up the quilt I made. And went to the Council Ring, which is like a little amphitheater. We all met there and did a lot of group meetings today there.

I felt weirdly alone. We were all trying to sit 6 feet apart but I dont know. I felt more apart. It got better throughout the day but I am still having trouble with feeling alone in a crowd.

I had a lot of fun though. We did some get to know you games and I got to share some fun facts about myself and learn about others. It was a good time.

I got to learn a lot today though and that was good. Just about camp and things. And I got to hang out with some people and do chores.

Honestly I dont think Ive ever felt as much as myself as I do there. Working in the art shack, cleaning things at a spigot. Being just a little dirty. Its good. I feel really happy.

There was some stress. Bad storms. One and off. And some just general work issues because of schedule concerns. But that will get worked out.

One of the sillier parts of the day I was working in the shack cleaning the tables and I was thinking about how to keep the kids separate and safe from germs. And I had an idea about a table barrier and so I walked down to the office to inquire about building this. But instead they said why dont I worked outside on the picnic tables, and I was like. Cool but also its like really bumpy and I dont wanna. So instead we moved the art tables outside.

I needed a little helped though. I moved all the picnic benches myself and then some girls came and helped with the smaller benches. And then some boys came and helped me when I got it in my head that I needed a table inside still and wanted that table to be a picnic bench. Which turned out to be way heavier then anticipated and they complained the whole time but we got that sucker in there!!

The rest of the day was meetings and snacks and games. I was getting pretty tired but the last game we played was singing and that was a good time. Once of the things I like most about camp is that I dont have to be afraid of embarrassing myself. And like seeing all these 20 somethings singing their hearts out to camp songs was just really lovely. I am really excited for this summer.

We had one more meeting with the specialty staff and leaders. Which went fine but there was some contensions were going to have to discuss more tomorrow. And then it started really storming bad. Lightening and stuff. It was pretty to see.

I walked with Cj, the homestead girl I think is my best camp friend, and we talked about our game plan and I offered her bees wax Ive been carting around to legit 4 differnt studios. She was really excited about that. And I went up tp the art building.

It started storming really bad. The building has a tin roof and it was very loud and a little scary. But I got my best couple things done, cleaned up a little more, and waited to see if it was going to calm down at all.

And once it did I went and met Charlotte at the office and off home we went.

It was a fun ride with her, she loves to be outraged about things and start fake wars with other parts of camp that she is not a part of. Like despite loving the people in it, she hates the horse camp and things they should have every nice thing taken from them and listening to her yell about it was hilarious.

We also talked about living on camp next year. Which honestly if this year works out and they want me back I may do. Talking to James he might do it to, or at least apply to. No idea what we would do to take care of sweetp (bring with??) but its something to consider now.

After I dropped off Charlotte I went to burger king and then had to take a detour home because I think either a protest or a Juneteenth celebration was happening today on North Avenue. Unclear. But I just hope everyone is safe.

Once I got home I had dinner and fed sweetP and played animal crossing. It only took 2 tickets to get a new villager I wanted, Bones the dog. I was so excited because I had said to myself in the car I would keep searching until I found Apollo or Bones. And I found Bones!! Very exciting and good.

James got to come home early because the restaurant was slow. We both got showers and now we are just resting.

I am going to go paint my nails and get ready to go to sleep. I hope you are all having a good night, reflecting on what Juneteenth is, and reminding those around you that you love them.

Goodnight everyone.

3 notes · View notes

creepy--pasta · 4 years ago

Text

This is my own Creepypasta. It's called "Lacrymosa"

Her name was Lacrymosa Tea. Just as naming your child "Candy" predicts their future stripper career, her name almost guaranteed she'd be depressed. Lacrymosa is Latin for weeping/ sadness. Her father had run out on the family years ago and her mother was an alcoholic. Every night, she'd get drunk and beat her... that is unless her mother was on the phone with her sister all night. Lacrymosa cherished her aunt for that reason. They didn't live in the same state so the only way she could save her was to stay on the phone taking verbal abuse so that her niece wouldn't suffer physical abuse. She had no idea why she'd never reported it. Understandably, Lacrymosa was depressed. Her black hair hung limply around her face and her blue eyes once so bright had dimmed. She preferred to stay in the shadows. She preferred... to be away from people. By the time she was 13, she began cutting. It started when she was shaving her legs in the bathtub and the cheap razor broke. It cut a gash in her leg and at first, she swore under her breath cupping water in her hand to wash off the blood. However, as the blood oozed down, she felt satisfaction watching its path. The next day, Holly Hebert was teasing her again as usual in English class and she had a thought... the razor. This was a girl that sat behind her on the bus and cut her hair so it hung unevenly, put gum on her seat in class then pointed out the giant spot on her butt to everyone so they'd all laugh at her, threatened to beat her up daily, and often "accidentally" hit her with baseballs or volleyballs in gym class. She hated Holly. She didn't know who she hated more though...Holly or her mom. After school, she rushed home to dig the broken razor out of the trash and brought it to her room. She didn't hesitate. She placed the razor against her thigh and ran it in a long line. It bled just a little but it was enough. The sensation was hard to describe. It was like she was a balloon about to pop and the razor had let out some air. Just enough for her to function again. From then on, whenever she felt stress, anger, or any kind of unpleasantness, she would cut. Four years later, she was 17 and the cutting had all but stopped. Her thighs had visible scars from the years of cutting but so now did her upper arms and stomach. The scars were a reminder of the horrible things she'd done to herself. Sure she thought about doing it again, but she'd learned new ways to deal with her feelings. The one thing that helped most was the presence and attention of her little pug Evan. Her mother had gotten him for her and it was completely out of character, but Lacrymosa didn't question it at all. The dog meant the world to her. Shortly after she'd gotten Evan, her aunt had visited and seen the cuts on her body. She didn't deny it when her aunt had asked if her mother had done it. She couldn't admit she'd done it herself. In the end, her mother had gone to jail... and she'd been placed in her grandparents home. She felt bad she'd blamed her mother for the cuts but she'd done far worse to her for years. Bruises and broken bones her mother had gotten away with but now she was paying for her crime... even if it was technically the wrong crime. But that was years ago and she was able to sleep without fear now. One night she went to bed more exhausted than she'd ever been. So tired in fact that when a noise awoke her from a deep sleep, her eyes only fluttered open and barely registered a shadowy figure before falling deep asleep again. The next morning, Lacrymosa woke up to the sight of blood. There were cuts on her legs, stomach, arms, and wrists... just like the cuts she'd made herself for years. But she hadn't done these! She'd never even cut her wrists before. Why hadn't she felt any of it happening? Why hadn't Evan barked? She rushed to the bathroom to tend to her wounds then dressed in jeans and a long sleeve shirt to cover each bandage. She dashed out the front door ignoring her grandfather's greeting and rushed to school. She thought hard about the cuts. Had she done them herself? That's when she remembered the figure she'd vaguely seen the night before. Was it her mother? It had to be right? The next morning, she woke up and again... there was blood. Her cuts were deeper and the were more of them. She was scared now. She had to do something. Seeing the cuts was stirring something inside of her. She had the urge to cut again but no! She couldn't! She held Evan close and pushed the thoughts away. If it was her mom, she had to catch her. That night, she set up the camera on her computer to record while she slept and went to bed. The next morning, she awoke to the same cuts as usual. They were really getting deep now. Rushing to her computer, she stopped the recording and began fast forwarding through the footage. She watched herself sleeping covered only in sheets and moving slightly. She skipped through hours seeing nothing until she suddenly noticed something. Blood was seeping through the sheets. It was just a small spot at first but it grew quickly. Lacrymosa paused the playback. This wasn't possible. She'd watched closely and seen no one. She rewound the footage and watched again. There was no one there and yet there were cuts being made and blood pouring from them. The next night, she drank a ton of coffee mixed with caffeine pills. She was scared to sleep. It was like she was living a Freddy Kruger movie without the scary man and glove with knives for fingers. Trying her best to stay awake, she googled her problem. None of the results came close and she was about to move on and watch some videos on YouTube when a message popped up on her Facebook messenger. It was from a user with just the letter "D" for a name. She opened the message. It read: "We need to talk". Lacrymosa sat still a moment before responding. She had all but a dozen "friends" on Facebook (mostly family) and this was not one of them. "Do I know you? " she typed. "No, but we need to talk. It's about the cuts. Can you meet me? We can go somewhere public " She thought a moment. The cuts? How could anyone possibly know about that? Intrigued, she responded "How will I know who to look for?" "Meet me at the 24 hour McDonald's in town. I'll find you" Lacrymosa opened the window of her second story bedroom, pat Evan goodbye, and stepped out onto the porch roof. She then jumped onto the front lawn with a thud and got in her little beater car (a silver Neon her grandfather had gotten her for her 16th birthday) . When she got there, she looked around. She didn't know who she was looking for so she went to the counter to order coffee. As she stood there waiting for an employee to take her order, she felt a tap on her shoulder. "Hey" said a man. Lacrymosa turned around. Before her stood a very tall pale boy about her age. His long shoulder length hair was black and his eyes were a beautiful grey. If he didn't look so tired and worn out, he might actually have been attractive. "Are you..." she tried to ask suddenly remembering she didn't know his name. "Draco... yes" he replied. "Draco? Your name is Draco? Like Draco Malfoy?" Lacrymosa said realizing she was probably saying the wrong thing. He rolled his eyes. "Yes... my parents are really big Harry Potter fans " he said almost sarcastically. "Your name isn't any better. Lacrymosa... like the song Roman Catholics play at funerals" "You're right. Fair enough. Why haven't I seen you in school? " she asked. Before he could respond, a McDonald's employee interrupted. "Can I help you? " she asked. They turned to see a smiling woman behind the counter waiting patiently. Draco ordered and paid for 2 large coffees and started walking to a booth in the back. They sat down in silence for a few moments before Draco responded to Lacrymosa's question as though there had been no interruption. "I'm homeschooled." He said simply. "So..." she said "how did you know? " Draco looked up from his cup. Then he rolled up his sleeves to reveal his arms full of bandages with blood seeping through. "You and I... are in trouble" he said. She tried to respond but he held up his hand. "Let me explain something first. Then we'll discuss it". Lacrymosa nodded quickly "I had a dream last night. In it, my sister who passed a year ago... told me to find you. I thought at first that she was talking about some drink... sorry. She said we could figure this thing out together." He paused. "Have you tried to record it?" Lacrymosa nodded. "Me too. It doesn't show up on camera. Ive never seen it..." he leaned in closer "but I think I know why it's happening. Before it started, were you a cutter?" He asked. She nodded, "but I'd stopped! It's been a year! " he smiled. "I think I'm right then. I was a cutter too. There has to be a connection". They sat in silence for a few minutes. "So how do we figure this out? How do we stop it? " Lacrymosa asked. Draco shook his head. "I don't know but we've got to try. Let's keep in touch. Call me if you figure anything out and i'll do the same" he said. They talked for a long time that night about their problem as well as other topics before going their separate ways. Lacrymosa found out he'd been homeschooled because of horrible bullying. They had that in common but he lived with two very supportive parents so they didn't have that. They seemed to instantly bond united by a common problem and goal. It felt nice to finally have a friend. They spent every free moment together for the next month. They barely slept and it got to the point that Draco would sneak into Lacrymosa's room at night and they'd sleep in shifts with one of them awake at all times keeping watch. They were becoming very close now. One night Draco didn't come over. He'd fallen asleep on accident and around 2 am, Lacrymosa was woken up by her phone ringing. It was him and he sounded terrified. "Can I come over? " he'd asked. She agreed of course and within 20 minutes, Draco was on her porch roof tapping at her window. Lacrymosa let him in and he rushed into her arms. "I spoke to it" he whispered. She pulled away quickly to look at his face. He was serious. "What?!" She asked. He nodded closing his eyes. Lacrymosa guided him to her bed and they laid beside each other. She held him in her arms as he explained. "I caught it in the act" he said. "I woke up when I felt a presence beside my bed so I opened my eyes and...I heard a laugh" Lacrymosa held her breath as he spoke. She wanted him to explain and feared he'd stop if she made a noise. "I'll spare you the details but it said that hurting yourself is an unspoken contract with it. Whatever this is... it doesn't like that we stopped cutting ourselves. It's trying to renew that urge inside of us to make us start up again and the only way to make it stop is to continue cutting...or cut someone else" He stopped and looked into Lacrymosa's face. "Each life we take..." he whispered "will give us 2 weeks". They lay there in silence for what seemed like an eternity. "I can't cut myself again. I can't. I'm already too cut up" she finally said. "Me too" "But I can't kill someone else! " "Me either" "So..." "So... what now?" Silence again. "Who would you off anyways? You know... if we did it" he asked. Lacrymosa thought a moment." Oh she knew who. She knew 2 people actually. Draco was homeschooled but he had a few names as well. "I know who" she said. "But let's think on it. Sleep here from now on. That should keep us safe for now". They stared into each other's eyes for a moment before their lips touched. That's when they realized... they were more than friends. They'd come to love each other very much. It had happened quickly but neither of them had ever had someone they cared about as much as they cared for each other. Together they could get through anything. "I love you Lacrymosa Tea" he whispered. "I love you too Draco Riley". Every night for the next six months, Draco snuck into Lacrymosa's room not to keep watch but to sleep beside her... and all was well. No blood. No cuts. They thought they'd found a loophole. For those six months, they were the happiest they'd ever been. This had to be why they were being left alone by the entity that cut them. Love was stronger than whatever it was. They did everything together now. They'd even met each others families and Lacrymosa felt that one day they may be joined. She shared this thought with Draco and he'd laughed, hugged her, and said "wait for me will you? That's my job to ask you". They both graduated High School and celebrated their 18th birthdays (which were only weeks apart). They made plans for the future and even began to forget about their ordeal. They shouldn't have forgotten. One morning at the end of the six months, Lacrymosa woke up beside Draco as usual. Her eyes still closed, she smiled as she rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled up closer to him. But something was wrong. He was cold. She opened her eyes and immediately saw blood. All over the walls. All over the ceiling. She sat up and looked down at herself. She was full of blood but it wasn't all hers. She turned to Draco. She would have thought he was just sleeping except that he was an ugly shade of blue and he was covered in blood. His shirt was ripped open and carved into his stomach was "no loopholes" The next few days were a blur. Her grandparents were confused as to why he'd been in her bed, the police interrogated her about how he'd died beside her and she hadn't noticed, but they didn't ask about the message carved into his body... it was as though they couldn't see it. She didn't say a word. She didn't know what to say... she became catatonic. She was checked out and after seeing her cuts, she was stitched up and taken to a mental hospital. She missed Draco's funeral of course but that hardly mattered now. The thing... whatever it was... had taken Draco from her. For days she was in that hospital. Waking up with fresh cuts that were immediately stitched up. The staff were clueless as to how she was getting them and by the end of the week, she was covered in ugly black stitches... she now resembled Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. Even in her face. Draco's parents visited her. Pleading for information... asking if she'd done it. She didn't speak. All she could do was cry and shake her head. They eventually left empty handed. Lacrymosa hadn't spoken a word since the morning she lost Draco. One day she was sitting in her room staring at the wall when she noticed a brick that was loose. She pulled it out and found that someone had hidden a knife inside. Suddenly she heard footsteps and quickly hid the knife under her mattress. She had a visitor... her mother. She strode into the room and sat down in a chair. "I got out" she said. Something in Lacrymosa snapped. Draco was put in the back of her mind for a minute and all she could think of was the things her mother had done. Everything Holly had done. All the reasons she started cutting in the first place. "They said you wouldn't speak...I hoped you'd talk to me at least. " she sighed. "You look awful". Lacrymosa stayed silent as her mother continued to talk. She yelled at her for not talking, blamed her for "that boys" death, and of course for putting her in jail. Lacrymosa couldn't stand the look on her mother's face. She was getting angrier and angrier the longer they sat there. She stood up and so did her mother. She probably thought her daughter was going to hug her or something but as she took a step closer, Lacrymosa swiftly made a move for the knife and slit her mother's throat. Dropping to her knees, her eyes pleaded for help. But her daughter just stabbed each eye... and walked away. Lacrymosa walked through the hospital slashing the throats of patients and staff alike. She swore she heard the chords of a Lacrymosa playing and began to hum along. How she walked all the way home in a now bloody hospital gown is a mystery. No one was home when she got there and she went straight up to her room... to where she'd last seen Draco and began to cry. For the first time in weeks, she spoke. Just one word. "Draco". Two weeks after the Greenleaf City post reported on the New Hope Hospital Massacre, it reported on the death of a recent High School graduate named Holly Hebert. Her throat had been slashed just as the victims at the hospital had but the word "bully" was carved into her arm. She wouldn't be the last.

2 notes · View notes

until-theend-oftheline · 5 years ago

Text

Second Chances - Part 2: Where to Go From Here

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Wounds. Hinting at surgery. Dislocated shoulder. Memory Loss.

Square Filled: Misunderstandings for @buckybarnesbingo and Phantom Pain for @badthingshappenbingo

Word Count: 2700ish

A/N: This series is done for @thorne93 and heavily inspired by tow songs by The Chainsmokers which is This Feeling and Paris. Please go listen to them since even if I don’t reference them specifically they heavily decided the mood and plot of this fic.

There is no sex in this part but there will be in later parts so rating for the series is mature.

Betaed by: @jewels2876 - thank you, hun!

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

Second Chances Masterlist

Somewhere over Russia, 2016

Bucky closed his eyes. The pain was intense and strangely familiar. Pain shot from his left shoulder right down to his fingers that were no longer there. He knew he had some internal bleeding from the fight and he was struggling to keep stay conscious. The bleeding would heal. He knew that the worst part was the arm, or what was left of it.

“Are you with me Sergeant Barnes?” T’Challa’s voice sounded from next to him and Bucky forced his eyes open along with giving a nod.

“For now.”

T’Challa frowned, checking the vitals on the machine he had Bucky hooked up to before facing Bucky again with a serious look on his face.

“I know,” Bucky decided to spare him. His wounds weren’t healing as fast as he was bleeding. He needed medical attention soon or he was going to die.

“Captain Rogers. Do you have any favors you can call in before we reach Wakanda?” T’Challa called out and Steve poked his head out, looking back at them from the cockpit.

“None that haven’t been dead for about 20 years,” Steve’s concerns eyes flickered between Bucky and T’Challa before returning his attention to the skies.

“I’m picking up speed,” Steve decided as he pushed the thrusters to their limits. T’Challa and Bucky’s eyes met. It was hard to believe the guy that had been trying to scratch out Bucky’s eyes not 24 hours ago was now fighting to save his life. Had everything not hurt just to breathe, Bucky might have laughed at that.

“I don’t think that will do it, Captain,” T’Challa warned and Bucky could practically hear the stubborn expression on Steve's face when he answered the king.

“It has to be.”

Bucky took a deep breath. You were safe. He didn’t want to pull you back into this, but he had made you a promise. He didn’t want to die without seeing you again either and if by some chance he was to survive and you learned about this, you were sure as hell going to kill him yourself. You could help.

“I know someone,” Bucky’s voice was low but loud enough for the other two enhanced to hear.

“Who?” Steve’s voice sounded from the cockpit but Bucky didn’t answer him. Instead, he told Steve the coordinates where he knew you would be waiting.

“France,” Steve mumbled, clearly annoyed Bucky hadn’t given him a straight answer but still corrected his flight. “Guess we are going to France.”

***

You were in the kitchen setting aside groceries when you heard the sound of the quinjet. You quickly moved into the hallway, pulling out the gun you had taped to the underside of the table just like Bucky had taught you.

You kept it at your side as you opened the door and slowly headed towards the field. You could practically hear Bucky yelling at you for this move, but you couldn’t wait. It had to be him. If it wasn’t… well, you’d be screwed but you were still gonna put up a fight.

The door to the quinjet opened as you were a few feet away only to reveal Captain America looking out at you in all his star-spangled glory. Fuck. You didn’t want to hurt him even if you could which was more than unlikely. You still reacted on instinct, hoping that raising the gun would give you a chance to talk to him from a distance.

It didn’t. Before you could even comprehend what was happening, the gun was flying through the air and, even if you by some miracle managed to block his arm from hitting you in the face once, it wasn’t more than a few seconds before he had you in a headlock from behind. You stomped his foot as hard as you could, making him groan and release you. You dove for the gun but before you could get far, Steve grabbed a hold of your arm locking it behind your back, keeping his feet well away from yours this time.

“Where are they?” Steve asked, causing you to frown and shake your head.

“Where’s who?” you answered, screaming in pain when Steve pulled your arm further back.

“Steve!” Bucky’s voice sounded and you looked up, ignoring the pain from the arm still pinned behind your back. You gasped when you saw him. His face was bloody and his left arm was mostly missing. Bucky’s right arm was slung over the shoulder of a man in a black vibranium suit helping him walk off the jet.

“She’s alone. Let her go,” Bucky ordered and you felt the grip loosen a little as Steve hesitated and you instantly kicked his shin to get free. It surprised him enough to do the trick, even if it wasn’t hard enough to do any damage and you sprang free running to Bucky’s side.

You cupped his face in your hands, looking into his eyes and the guy next to him let you. Whoever he was he clearly trusted Bucky’s judgment on you more than Steve did.

“Bucky. What happened to you?” you asked, trying to keep your tears at bay. Now wasn’t the time. Not with Steve glaring holes into your back and Bucky bleeding from several holes in his body.

“Long story. Think you can patch me up Doc?” Bucky smiled at you through his pain, trying to calm down that racing mind of yours. He knew you. You had a big heart. You were scared and shaking. But he also knew how clear and sharp your mind could be even under the worst of pressure. All he had to do was get you to focus on the task at hand. Him.

“Yeah... I… Yes,” you took a deep breath, letting your eyes meet his again. His calm was contagious and you nodded, wrapping your arm around his waist from the left. You were careful to avoid the remaining part of his arm as you rested your free hand against his chest, helping the man at Bucky’s right hold him up.

“Let’s get him inside,” you ordered, taking a few steps before you realized Steve was still in your way, eyeing you suspiciously.

“It’s okay Steve. She’s okay,” Bucky assured him, before sending his friend a tired yet cheeky smile, “Are you going to let her help me or am I gonna have to bleed to death standing up?”

Steve grumbled something you didn’t hear but moved aside letting you help Bucky into the house. When you reached the living room you let go, leaving Bucky’s free side to Steve as you quickly cleared the table and started pulling all sorts of medical supplies from the cabinets. You had been prepared for this. You weren’t stupid. You had seen the number of cops that had come for Bucky in Romania. You knew there was a strong likelihood he would be in less than one piece when he showed up here. Which you had also never doubted that he would.

“Get him on the table,” you ordered waving your hand towards the dining table in the middle of the room as you ran into the hallway to retrieve a coat hanger. You placed it next to the table hanging the IV from it before pulling up Bucky’s right sleeve. You let the needle hover over his skin, as your eyes met his.

“I’m sorry. I have to knock you out. The metal is keeping the wound open I need to remove it and if there are other inner bleedings…” your words trailed out as Bucky raised his hand and placing it over yours.

“I trust you Doc,” he smiled and you gave him a nod which he returned before looking over at Steve. He didn’t look happy at all about this situation but he still gave Bucky a small nod. A part of Bucky wished there had been time to explain, but there wasn’t.

“You ready Bucky?” you asked quietly and Bucky rested his head back on the table.

“I’m ready,” he agreed and you pushed the needle into his arm. It didn’t last more than a few seconds before Bucky’s eyelids got heavy and the world around him disappeared.

Washington, Mid 2014

Tears streamed down your face as you rushed around your room, grabbing clothes off the hangers and stuffing them into your suitcase. The sky had only just stopped raining helicarriers and helicopters were now in the air searching for Captain Rogers.

You had spent about an hour reading leaked HYDRA and Shield documents, slowly learning what you had been a part of, as well as understanding you were now considered a terrorist. You had no choice but to run.

A rush of air through the room made you stop your task. You stood up straight, closing your eyes. You weren’t alone in the room. You weren’t a soldier but you had spent enough time in warzones to know what it felt like being watched. You took a deep breath before turning around slowly. Whoever it was, you didn’t wanna startle them and accidentally end up shot.

You sucked in a breath when you saw him. The soldier. He looked ominous standing in the shadows of your apartment in full combat gear. How did he know where you lived? You had managed to figure out who he had been after rushing from the medbay that day, but was it still who he was? What had they done to him? A million questions raced through your mind before you finally picked one.

“Are you here to kill me?” you asked, your voice sounded a lot more meek than you had expected and you internally cursed yourself for it.

“I remember you. You worked for them,” he took a step towards you, without answering your questions and for the first time ever you grew afraid of him.

“I didn't know. Not until today,” you tried to explain but you knew how ridiculous it sounded. “I didn’t know what they were doing to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

“What’s your name?” he asked, without reacting to your stream of words. His expression was hard and you weren’t sure if anything you said would have an impact on him at all.

“Dr. Y/N Pierce,” you answered, cringing when he took a step forward, and his eyes started scanning the room only to land on a picture of you and your father. He crossed the room, grabbed it and stared at it.

“Who is he?” the soldier turned the picture showing it to you as he took a step forward.

“Alexander Pierce. He was my father. He was one of the people that held you,” you answered truthfully. He had been through enough. If you were going to get out of here it was by speaking the truth. He deserved as much.

“But you didn’t know?” he asked again and you shook your head.

“I left when I found out. I wanted to stop them, but… I’m a doctor. I’m not a soldier or an agent. I didn’t know what to do,” you answered, looking down at your feet. You were ashamed. You had run out of there, leaving him in pain. If he wanted to hurt you, you’d understand. You deserved it.

“You’re running away,” the soldier threw the frame onto your bed and lifted your backpack eyeing it for a moment before letting it go to face you again.

“My father was the head of HYDRA, working from inside of Shield. I doubt anyone is going to believe me when I say I had no idea who I was really working for. Once they find Captain America they are coming for all of us,” you explained, leaning in to grab the bag when you noticed his right arm. It was hanging from a weird angle.

“Your shoulder is dislocated,” you reached out to him and the soldier instantly took a step back. You raised your hands to show him you meant no harm, taking a step forward. “Let me help you? I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

“You used to help me,” the soldier seemed to relax a little. “I remember your office. You never tied me down.”

“Why would I…” you started before stopping. A wave of hatred came over you. Your father had always been a cold man, you had never known he had been cruel too until today.

“No. No, I didn’t,” you changed your approach. “I’m not going too either.” You stepped closer and this time he didn’t move. You slowly pulled out a chair between you and motioned for him to sit down.

“Do you know who I am?” he asked without moving and you swallowed harshly.

“I think so. I… I didn’t have much time to find out anything,” you answered him and he nodded before moving to sit down.

He looked up at you ask you approached him. The pain and despair in his eyes were back. It was the same pain from when the STRIKE team had lead him past your office.

“Who am I?” he asked you and a piece of your heart broke in the process. That had been what wipe him had meant. They had found a way to steal his memories from him and turn him into a mindless weapon. He was breaking free of that but it had to be painful.

“Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes. You were with the 107th and the Howling Commandos during World War II before you were presumably killed in the line of duty,” you repeated, what you had read from the articles with his face on them. You had found other things in the past hour, things that fit what you had seen. Articles calling him something else. Something dehumanizing. The Winter Soldier wasn’t who he was. It was who they had made him.

“He called me that,” Sergeant Barnes mumbled, letting you put your hand on his shoulder and start to examine the dislocation.

“What else do you know?” he asked you, looking up at you again and you shook your head slightly.

“Not much. But I can help you find out if you promise to help me get out of town?” you offered and Sergeant Barnes seemed to maul it over before giving you a short nod, making you smile.

“I’m gonna reset your shoulder okay? It’s gonna hurt like hell,” you told him truthfully and he just nodded. You decided a little distraction couldn’t hurt so you kept talking as you moved your hands up and down his arm, trying to get the right hold to get it back in its socket in one pull.

“How did you know where I lived?” you asked, and Sergeant Barnes looked up at you.

“You told me,” he answered shortly and you stopped your task to look down at him in confusion.

“I did what?” you frowned and for the first time you saw his lips tuck upwards a little. Not really in a smile but it still warmed your heart.

“You told me about your apartment, where you go for runs, you told me of the friendly lady at the small grocery store you go too and complained about traffic,” he shrugged, “which put you here.”

“You figured out where I live from me complaining about traffic while I sterilized your bullet wounds?” you blinked, and his lip tugged upwards a little again.

“And the other things,” he answered before looking straight ahead. “You should do this. We need to leave soon.”

“Now I almost don’t feel bad about this,” you grumbled, before giving Sergeant Barnes’ arm a pull while pushing back against his shoulder. A loud pop sounded and Barnes groaned in pain as his shoulder slide back into place. You quickly squatted down, looking up into his face to make sure he was still awake and his eyes meet yours.

“Yes you do,” his lips tugged a little again before getting up and throwing your bag at you and you rolled your eyes in frustration as you followed him out the door, thinking to yourself you might have preferred it when he didn’t talk to you.

Please reblog; help me spread my work - Leave a comment. Feedback is fuel

Bucky Barnes Tag Team

@feelmyroarrrr @littlebittcrazy @sleepretreat @thejourneyneverendsx @roxyspearing @jewels2876 @scarlettsoldier @captainsamwlsn @hellaqueerangelofthelord @blacktithe7 7 @danijimenezv @cd1242 @mizzzpink @janeyboo @rumoured-whispers @becs-bunker @smoothdogsgirl @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off @avengerscompound @jae-sch @grace-for-sale @scarletlingeries @mizzezm @barnesrogersvstheworld @readitandweepfics @averyrogers83 @sebs-potato @sorenmarie87 @docharleythegeekqueen @erosbellarke @slowlywithfreedom @the-wayward-robot @super100012 @myfanficlibrarium @lucifersbird @achishisha @awkwardfangirl2014

@coffeebeforewater @igotkatiepowers @ishipmybed @dottirose @panicatttckiss @cant-decide-at-this-moment @captainsherlockwinchester110283

@nerd-without-a-cause @kimmiestrawberrykiwi @sdciopo @deathofmissjackson

Second Chances (Bucky x Reader Series - On Going)

@frankiea1998 @ambientsmells

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bucky x reader #bucky imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes series #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you

214 notes · View notes

elijahfitz · 5 years ago

Text

and introduction.

meet elijah.

hey guys! im lina! im 18 and im in the cst timezone. im currently a freshman in college and ive also been rping for like 6 years now ( i started on the neopets chat boards. if thats not an embarrassing fun fact idk what is ) but i havent rped since this summer since school was and still is kicking my ass. im really into musical theater, marvel & dc, and disney! i also used to be a lifeguard at a great wolf lodge for 2 years so if u want any funny stories about stupid children, or even just wanna be friends, lmk! im also SUPER sorry this intro is so late. i was gonna do it yesterday but then my friends wanted to hang and it kinda went downhill from there. im actually posting this like 20 min before i have a lab practical so i wont be able to reply until late tonight, but like this post to plot or anything!

some fun facts abt elijah:

he was adopted when he was around 3-4? he was abandoned and left on the back of a merchant cart headed to corona, where he was then discovered and then put into the local orphanage since no one was sure where he came from or who left him. all he had was a stuffed bear (named wooly), a basket of water and fruits to eat, and a letter that explained that:

his name was elijah

he was 2 (born on february 28th)

his parents couldnt care for him, so they hoped he would be found by a kind soul who could either take care of and love him, or else get him to someone who could

they loved him and only left him in the hopes that he would have a better life

he lived in the orphanage for almost 2 years and the few months before the 2nd anniversary of his arrival, rapunzel & eugene visited the orphanage that eugene grew up in and fell in love w/ eli, promptly adopting him soon after. he barely remembers anything about his abandonment and time in the orphanage, but always wanted to find his birth parents and let them know how he turned out. he kept the bear and basket in his room but carries the letter around with him in his wallet wherever he goes.

his full name is elijah frederic fitzherbert. he was given the middle name frederic in honor of his grandfather.

but, he much rather prefers eli. doesnt mind formalities but insists on people who know him to call him by his nickname. except he HATES being called “highness” bc he thinks it sounds stupid. he wont get upset per se if u keep referring to him as “your highness” but he will get annoyed

he very much wants to fulfill his role as “corona’s golden boy” by contributing back to his people. he worries for the kingdom more than he worries for himself and is always trying to prove that he is worthy of being a prince rather than just some random kid who got lucky enough to get adopted. most of his days are spent doing modest favors and helping out the townspeople or visiting the villages surrounding the kingdom.

when he’s in the castle you can almost always find him in the kitchen! boi loves to bake and cook. he loves the way food can bring joy to everyone. he often makes goods to give to the townspeople or the kids at the orphanage, where he volunteers at least every 2 weeks when hes not busy w prince stuff.

has an acute fear of disappointment. he feels so much pressure to prove his worth that came from growing up thinking if he did anything wrong he’d be sent back to orphanage, esp since his parents had another child. they wouldn’t want or need him anymore. he mostly got over this when he broke a vase when he was 12 and tried to run away from home, except he fell out the tree that he used to climb out his window and broke his leg lmao. his parents assured him that no matter what he did they would still love him and never abandon him, and his dad also taught him how to climb trees and roofs without dying (much to his mom’s chagrin). even tho hes pretty much over it, it kinda lingers subconsciously. thus, he overcompensates in everything he does and gets overly anxious about small problems

growing up he thought the stories that his dad told him about his past were so cool, despite the fact that he would almost always only hear those stories when he was being taught lessons of what he shouldnt do. he used to run around pretending to be flynn rider and his dad played along, planning play heists for them to do together (think scott & cassie in that one scene from ant man and the wasp) but they stopped when eli hit that age where he thought it was embarrassing to play w his dad. but, it really helped him bond w eugene and help him work on his coordination bc eli is CLUMSY AF

eli legit trips over nothing at least twice a day.

he bonded w his mom through art tho, which eventually turned into aesthetic desserts and meals! thats another reason why he loves baking and cooking so much.

when his 1st sibling was born when he was 5 at first he was jealous. he didnt get much attention at the orphanage due to the fact that there were so many kids and he was just starting to get used to the idea of having parents didnt have tons of kids always trying to win their affection and attention. he thought having a little sibling was the worst thing in the world and would hide from his parents bc if they couldnt find him they couldnt send him away. he hated his sibling.

until he met them. the second he saw their chubby face he was hooked. he swore that he would do anything and everything for them. and that continued when his parents adopted his other siblings as well. he absolutely adores them and acts like the protective older bro role

thankfully, with such a large age gap eli never rlly had to go through any of those petty squabbles that siblings usually have. he was always pretty protective of them tho and would fight when he thought they were being reckless and dumb out of his own fear that if they got hurt he would be an awful big brother (again, fear of disappointment)

he loves to travel bc his mom would always take him to these extravagant kingdoms and on these amazing sightseeing trips

this boy is hopeless when it comes to love. i can imagine lots of ppl liking him on top of all the ppl throwing themselves at him bc royal, but him being completely oblivious and thinking that no one likes him.

he had rlly bad ADD as a kid but its gotten better as hes grown. he still occasionally struggles w executive functioning tho and always gets rlly frustrated when he cant focus or remember

like i said earlier, clumsy af. no coordination. the only athletic ability he ever had was horse riding and running

that said he has a horse named may (short for mayonnaise. dont ask

he likes music a lot. prob learned piano at a young age

he probably is at the party bc royals? idk

EDIT: although (currently) unknown to eli, his true birth mother is maleficent. when eli was 2, his birth father took him away from her and had her suppress eli’s natural born powers. his father realized he was unfit to care for him, so he was the one who abandoned eli.

wanted connections!!

obv his parents and siblings? i mean cmon

one ( or both???? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) of his birth parents!!!!! they dont have to know that eli is their son or mayb they do and are too scared to tell him, but being trapped together will eventually make it revealed

childhood friends! people he met when he traveled w his mom or met at royal social functions? i rlly also want friends that he would hang w at all the royal galas and stuff and they would go do dumb stuff like look sneak out and look for secret passages of make bets of who could dump more crab cakes into the stuffy duchess’ purse when she wasnt looking

people who know him solely through his family

someone who likes eli and eli legit has no clue, no matter how much they flirt and drop hints

people who hate eli! or even just dislike him, which makes him upset bc he doesnt like the idea that there are ppl who dont like him in the world. mayb bc sometimes he gets super highstrung when things arent going how they should b and he like lashed out at them once or something. maybe they hate his parents and on principle hate him. idk

someone who was w eli in the orphanage

past relationships? i feel like hes never rlly had a bad breakup tho, its just that they prob just didnt work out. hes also bi so they can b any gender. hes still looking for his otp

idk, legit anything. send me those plots man

#spelled.intro #this got LONG #i am so sorry #but hello i am lina #like to plot !!!! pls. im desperate

8 notes · View notes