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commander-rahrah · 8 months

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Talking to the Moon: Part VI

Pairing: Astarion x GN!Reader Word Count: ~4800 Warnings: slightly suggestive, swearing, blood, non-con touching (Cazador touching reader), some borrowed in game dialogue, canonical warnings apply!

archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

part I: here part II: here part III: here part IV: here part V: here

Summary: Set in Act III, after you arrive in Baldur's Gate and have met some of Astarion's siblings but not yet confronted Cazador. Astarion struggles with inner turmoil as he is suddenly thrusted back into the clutches of his old master's influence.

Notes: Long time no update! Long story short December was the month where everything was bad and everything hurt - ER hospital visits and many, many days laying in bed and on the couch very unmotivated and just wanting to feel better! I am very grateful to be feeling better and up to writing as my fics is one of my favorite creative outlets! So thank you for being patient between updates! I really appreciate it and any kind of interaction like a reblog, like or comment truly makes my friggin' day!

So this update and the next chapter will be focused on confronting Cazador! I have had these thoughts and ideas to add more to the in-game scenes since the very first time I played it! I was doing a multiplayer save with my fiancé and the second we finished Astarion's quest (I sobbed the entire time btw) I stayed up all night writing all my thoughts onto my notes app. I didn't even intend to write into a fic back then, I just wanted the outlet of writing it all down to help with how emotional I was feeling about it all! And now a few months later, I have a fic with over 30k words. Aha... whoops!

Anyways, I really hope you enjoy this update and the slight changes and add-ons I've added to this final part of Astarion's quest. I honestly teared up writing parts of it, because Astarion and his and my Tav's story means so much to me, I couldn't help it. ALSO, I don't plan on these being the last updates since it is the "end" of Astarion's quests. I still have plans for this Tav/Reader and Astarion yet. Not enough kissing and happiness had happened yet!! Just some angst and pain has to happen first.

As always, reblogs and comments are very very appreciated ♡♡♡

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You had wandered the streets of Baldur’s Gate before. Long before the nautiloid, in your time living in the city you had explored as much of the exciting city as you could. But never like this.

Your party had taken every cobblestone street, every back alley and shortcut. Astarion lead the way for most of them, pointing things out and sharing antidotes with you.

But you noticed how his smile strained at times, that he was wearing down the stitches on his leather pants from his fingers picking them nervously. At night when you slept side by side you’d wake to him trembling and muttering through a nightmare, which had become more frequent since you stepped into the city boundaries.

The vampire has been so sure of the next step in the Shadowlands and Wyrm’s Crossing. But now anytime you neared the streets leading to Cazador’s castle, he was turning on his heel and looking at one of your companions to ask what they needed to do instead.

Meeting his siblings days ago had been eye-opening. You thought you understood what he had gone through, that the memories he had described to you, and even shown you through the tadpoles, was enough. But after seeing how controlled and manipulated Petras and Dalyria had been… What they were being forced to do…You couldn’t bring yourself to picture Astarion like that.

You couldn’t imagine the turmoil and anguish going through your lover — seeing his siblings, being in the city again in a way he never thought he would, being so close to seizing power that could change his fate forever. You hadn’t voiced that every time he mentioned taking the ritual for himself fear stabbed in your belly. You knew what was motivating him to even consider the choice — outright fear and the call of power that was easily addicting. But too many things in his life has been decided for him… so you didn’t voice that to him, instead insisting that you only needed for him to be safe and happy. You trusted him to make the right choice.

You did trust him. You loved him.

And you showed him as such — throughout the day as you laced your fingers through his, as you rolled your neck for him to feed, as you curled into each other to sleep.

And he had been returning that trust and love back.

He had continued to expand his boundaries with you, slowly but surely as the days went on. Your quiet time together after a long day, you were a reprieve he sought out over and over. You whispered and giggled with each other between kisses in your shared bed in the Elfsong Tavern — tucked into the corner and hidden behind privacy screens. Privacy screens that Karlach had loudly dragged over before giving you both a very unsubtle wink. Then she did the same for her and Shadowheart.

The teasing had been relentless.

You still hadn’t taken those final steps, and you were in no rush too. Astarion’s happiness and agency was the most important to you, always. Yet, you couldn’t help the way your heart thundered and breath got higher as he slowly explored any kind of touch and intimacy with you again.

You were laid together now, draped across each other — you only in your night clothes and Astarion in very thin linen pants. You were pressed gently on top of him, your voice and lips whispering across his pale skin as he pointed his fingertip to various parts of his body. His new game he had started that night — seemingly convinced that he would find a part of himself that you did not love.

Utterly impossible — but you indulged him anyways.

“Even this? You like this?” He pointed to his knobby elbow.

"Hmm,” You hummed approvingly, pressing a gentle peck to the bare, taut skin of his bent joint.

His low laughter rumbled through both of you, shaking you slightly. “I’m running out of ideas.”

You eyed him greedily, “I’m not. You’ve missed some of your best parts.”

“Have I?” He cocked a brow, a smirk spreading across his face. “Alright, go on then.”

“I can—?”

“Mhmm,” He nodded his head against the silk pillow, settling himself deeper into the mattress under your weight.

Swallowing, you took him in underneath you and felt your mind start whirring. Slow, patient, soft — you reminded yourself. You gently touched his jawline, the tip of your finger following the strong line. “Here.”

Then your forefinger and thumb rubbed the cartilage on the tops of his ears, “Here.” His mouth fell open deliciously with that one.

“Here,” You caressed the mole on his cheek with a swipe of your thumb.

You continued your movements, so drawn into him that you didn’t notice his red eyes blazing as they flickered between watching your hand and watching your face.

Your fingers gracefully dragged across him. His Adam’s apple. His knuckles. Collarbone. Inner wrist.

“I told you, there is no part of you that I do not like. Every inch of you I want to—“ You cut yourself off. Perhaps that was too much. This was a fun, teasing game — exploratory and gentle. You hadn’t meant to make it about your own desire and arousal.

He swallowed, his mouth hanging open slightly, “You want to what?”

You let out a fake cough, lifting yourself off of him slightly with a blush crossing your cheeks. “Well, I—“

A grin spread across his face, “Oh, I love it when you get all coy.” He purred, pulling you back before you could fully get away. “Tell me, please.” He whispered.

“There isn’t an inch of you that I don’t wish to kiss. To taste.” You admitted huskily, the heat on your face spreading to your neck.

The groan that escaped him made the fire in your belly sputter even hotter.

“Show me?” He asked softly, but his tone was slightly more sultry than before.

“Sho—show you?”

He nodded before fidgeting under you to display himself more — stretching out his neck, spreading his arms out.

“May I—“

“Darling,” He said the pet name a tad exasperated as his slowly closing eyes snapped to yours. “This was my idea. You don’t have to ask every time.”

“Yes, I do.” You insisted.

He rolled his eyes playfully, shaking his soft curls, “Really—“

But you cut him off. “Astarion, I do. I will continue to. It’s important to me. I never want you to do something you don’t want. I never want to make you feel like that with me.”

“You haven’t. I know you wouldn’t.” He trailed his pale fingers through the hair hanging in front of your face as you hovered over him. He tucked it behind your ear.

“I know it seems like a silly question, especially between us but I want you to know you can—“

It was his turn to cut you off, silencing you with a reassuring kiss. He was looking at you with astonishment when you finally opened your eyes from the deep kiss. “What ever did I do to deserve you my lovely moon?”

You smiled tenderly down at him, “Perhaps it was fate.”

“Hmm," His red eyes blinked slowly, "I used to despise that sentiment.”

“And now?”

Astarion gave you one of the most tender smiles you'd ever seen. “I think you might be right.” He ran his fingers gently down your cheek before letting out a dramatic puff. “Now, stop turning me into a sappy lovesick fool and kiss me already.” He growled playfully.

"As you wish, love." You mumbled as you pressed your lips to his.

• • •

You woke with a stir, the weight of the mattress shifting suddenly and then the sound of scuffling feet. Astarion was standing in front of the bed — in front of you defensively, still only in his night pants with his bare chest rising and falling quickly. A dagger was closed in his fist, aimed in front of him of threateningly. “Stop right where you are.” His voice was commanding like it had never been before, but you could still hear a twinge of uncertainty in it.

“You know why we’re here, brother.” A low, masculine voice said — seemingly coming from the dark shadows in the corners of the large suite.

Astarion's stance grew wider, his grip on his dagger tightening until his already pale knuckles turned white. “Come any closer to us and it will be the last thing you do.”

Peering over your lover's figure, you found four pairs of glowing red eyes studying you intently. The hairs on the back of your neck and arms started to stand up.

"I mean it - get the hells away from us!" Astarion growled again, his hand blinding reaching back for you. You laced your fingers through his and a protection spell was on your lips seconds later, muttered quietly until you felt the magical aura surround him.

The rest of your companions were up on their feet after Astarion's shout, pushing in towards your bed, edging around it in a protective semi-circle. Most of them were scantily clad in only undergarments and nightclothes - but all of them had their hands glowing with magic or weapons drawn. Fury was etched on every one of their faces from the intrusion and threat.

One of the female vampires eyed the rest of your group, counting and calculating. Then she raised her hands up, "We come in peace, brother."

"You call this peace, Aurelia?" He frowned at her. Your grip on him tightened as you stood up and tried to go to his side, but he stepped in front of you protectively once again.

A male stepped forward slightly, his mouth and eyes ruby red with deep scars carved over his skin, trailing down his chin. It was a terrifying sight. But his voice did not match his appearance, and instead was laced with desperation and hope. "The master needs all seven us for the ceremony. Come with us and be reborn. We'll live again."

The suite remained deadly silent. Like you all were waiting to see who would make the first move, who would let loose a spell or swing a blade first.

But it was your meek voice that broke the silence, "How did you find us?"

Their red eyes snapped instantly to you, but it was one of his sister's who spoke. "Master Cazador has known where Astarion was this entire time — where both of you were. He has been watching carefully since you arrived in the city."

"You know what our master will do to them.” His scarred brother warned, nodding his head towards you. His eyes almost looked... sad.

“He won’t get the chance, Leon.” Astarion snarled back.

Leon raised his hands defensively, "We aren't here for them. We are here about the rite. The master needs you. You must attend."

Astarion scoffed, "Oh, I am well aware of what the master needs. But don't we all deserve better?" His features were contorted in a strange mixture of emotion. "After these centuries of torment, I know what you all want. More then power. More than to walk in the sun. You want to see him dead."

The desire for revenge, for Cazador's death, did not surprise you. He had said as much, and bluntly too. You had agreed that Cazador deserved such a fate after the years of abuse and exploitation he had forced upon Astarion.

"If you think I will be a willing sacrifice for him and his deranged ritual, you really are stupidly blinded by him."

"Sacrifice?" Aurelia stepped forward, shaking her head. "No, this is our way to cheat undeath."

"Is that the lie he told you?" He sneered.

"I-"

Astarion's lips curled up, "You're all fools. You think he cares about us? You think he will grant us such power? We are nothing but pawns to be slaughtered for the king — one final, grand maneuver so he can win the game."

His four siblings shook with disbelief. "The master doesn't need to lie to us. He controls us, fully. Why go through the trouble of giving us hope..."

Leon got there first, his face crumbling. "Because its more cruel... shit."

The vampires exchanged a look — a look between siblings that you knew well. One that you had shared with your own brother many times. A silent conversation had happened between them in an instant.

"That manipulative bastard." The other female finally spoke, her words a hiss between her fanged teeth.

"How did we not see this?"

Leon squared his shoulders, moving his red eyes to look back at his free brother. "Astarion is right... because we are blind fools."

"We must go before he compels us too— agghhh." Aurelia grabbed her head, her expression one of excruciating pain. "Aggghhhhh!"

"Take her." Leon commanded the other siblings who looped their arms around her, dragging her away as she fought them. But he lingered behind them for a moment, stopping to look over his shoulder and study the pair of you. To look at the rest of your companions surrounding you defensively. "Help us, brother." His voice was a whispered plea, his terrifying, red eyes wide and shining. Then with a loud crack and a sudden puff of red, they were gone.

A collective sigh escaped your party as they disappeared, spells extinguished and weapons dropped down to their sides before they turned to face both of you.

Astarion’s shoulders sagged as he realized his family had indeed left. He all but collapsed into your side, burying his face into the crook of your neck as you held him back. Really, as you held him up.

You stroked his hair as he murmured into your shoulder, “Tomorrow. This ends tomorrow.”

“Okay, my love. We’ll be with you the whole way.” You whispered into his pointed ear, returning the concerned expression of your companions watching as your hold on Astarion tightened a bit more.

• • •

Whatever you do... I just don't want to die down here.

Sebastian’s voice was echoing in his ears, his mind, and creeping down into parts of him he had just barely started to recognize again. Parts of him that a few months ago he had deemed long dead. He had to force his pink lips into a firm line just to stop them from trembling.

This place, his so-called home was his personal hell. Every step through the fading carpets and ostentatiously decorated rooms had gotten harder and harder — until he had started to feel physically ill. Bile was rising in his throat, his back and palms of his hands turning clammy. And now, standing in the secret, buried crypt beneath — it felt like the castle above him was pressing down, screaming at him of what a luxury it had been that he was a prisoner up there and not down here. That voice in his head, that ringing, echoing voice. Gods, he wished it would stop.

And you... you had been so uncommonly quiet. You who had lent him your strength since the moment he met you, you and your presence a steady reassurance that he had come to depend on. But his little moon who was usually so chatty and poetic, was so quiet. Your eyes were wide as you followed him through Cazador’s castle, your steps clumsy and dazed like he wasn't the only one walking through this twisted nightmare. Perhaps it was for you — realizing the realities of what he had been through.

When Astarion's composure had really started to shake, you snapped back to reality and were with him in an instant. Your warm fingers threading through his icy ones. Your voice, your soft, hushed voice using the smallest amount of words to try and put his cruel mind at ease. The words you had used were choice, but powerful. You insisted that all of this was Cazador's cruelty — not his.

But how could he believe that as he stood in front of the cells filled with people he had brought his master? How could he deny the role he played in all of this when he could stare into the eyes of all of those victims — the stupid, innocent fools who in a fleeting moment fell for him.

Especially when he realized how fortunate, how damn lucky, it was that he never stumbled on you on the streets of Baldur’s Gate the past year you'd lived in the city.

Astarion stood before the precipice of Cazador’s ritual room. The grand doors that would lead to these final moments just a few steps away from him.

The fine outfit he picked for himself suddenly felt unbearably tight and itchy. The lacy neck scratching and digging into his skin, his leather shoes too restricting. He had wanted to use the clothes as a symbol to his old master — look how well I’ve done without you, look who I’ve become without you. His hands became fists at his sides, his knuckles white and half moons appearing on the soft skin of his palms as he squeezed tighter and tighter. The only way to stop them from trembling — with both fear and rage.

“I'm here for you, love.” You whispered gently, your warm fingers ghosting the sides of his wrists as you stepped in beside him. His fists unclenched slightly as he breathed in your familiar scent, as he savored the soft caress of your skin on his. He pushed down the building sob climbing up through his chest, the urgency of the cry growing as he felt your presence surround him. "Just... remember who you are, Astarion."

Who was he? It felt even blurrier in this sadistic crypt under the castle he used to call home. Though it never was one. A prison, that's what it was.

And what version of him did you see? Could he really be what you thought you saw? What you thought he could be?

Astarion had left Baldur's Gate against his will — a tormented, violent, broken thing. A puppet. A slave. He thought he had returned to this city anew — a free male, softer around the edges but no longer a thing to be used. His own person.

Yet the second he felt the influence of Cazador's control, the moment he felt that familiar threat he felt as if he was falling backwards. Being backed into a corner, corralled into the cage and slapped into chains that he had rotted away in for two hundred years.

He would not go back.

A shudder went through him as he tried to compose himself once more, taking a deep breath that he knew he did not truly need. Looking sideways at you, he gave you a final nod. "I'm ready for this to be over."

Something flashed in your eyes, but it was gone as fast as it appeared. You nodded, before following him through the grand doors with the rest of your companions trailing behind.

The descent down those stairs was brutal. Time seemed to drag to such a slow that it was almost like the scene before them was frozen in time. Astarion could recognize the familiar silhouette of his master anywhere. It had haunted him long enough that he had memorized every harsh line and angle. He loosed a breath as he counted six figures bound and hovering by some form of magic — a seventh spot on the top center left open and waiting.

For him.

"Could it be?!" The voice that plagued his thoughts, his nightmares and memories echoed throughout the large chamber. It sent hundreds of different feelings throughout his body, his flesh getting goosebumps and steps faltering for a moment on the stone stairs.

"Our prodigal son returned to us!" Cazador's voice was jovial, but there was no mistaking why. The final piece to his game had just delivered themselves to him, the sacrificial lamb for slaughter had seemingly come with no ill intent.

Astarion would make the vampire bastard regret underestimating him.

He could hear you just steps behind him, the pads of your feet, the familiar thrum of your heart increasing as you both stepped closer and closer to Cazador's place on the central dais. He gritted his teeth, his back molars clenching down so hard he swore he heard a crunch in the back of his mouth. He lowered his head, looking up at the monster that had ruined him through his eyebrows.

"Do not slouch before me, boy! Have you no respect for yourself?" Cazador snapped, waving his hand dismissively at him. "Look at you, crawling back after abandoning your family. You should be begging for our forgiveness."

"I will do no crawling, nor begging." Astarion snarled, baring his teeth slightly. "And forgiveness? Really? You have never forgiven anything. Every mistake, every slip was punished."

The bastard had the audacity to roll his red eyes, "I strove for perfection in all things — even those as imperfect as you. A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts."

"No!!" He roared, stepping forward once more as he pointed his finger. "No, fuck you and fuck everything you've ever done to me!"

Cazador raised a single dark brow before letting out a humorless laugh, "You stupid, little boy."

"You son of a bitch!" Astarion couldn't stop the explosion of anger that coursed through him and he charged forward. His pale hand formed a fist as he launched himself at Cazador but a flare of red magic suddenly froze him in place. His body stopped completely, caught mid-lunge with his fingers still curled in a punch.

He heard a strangled whimper from behind him. It was you, the sound one he had rarely heard — one of you paralyzed from fear.

But the master mercifully ignored you, only having eyes for his spawn. He smirked as he surveyed Astarion trapped in the swell of magic, "Tut, tut." He clicked his tongue, "Did you think it would be that easy?"

Astarion let out a groan of pain as he tried to resist the red binding power that started to form around him. Tears began to prickle in the corners of his eyes as they began to squeeze and cut into his skin, seeping into him slowly like a dreadful poison.

"Astarion!!" His name ripped out of you at his pained cries, stepping forward onto the dais to intervene. The agony in your voice was more unbearable then what he was currently suffering.

He was a fool to bring you here, to ask you to help him. He had served them all to Cazador on a silver platter.

“Oh?" The ancient vampire's voice had a hint of wicked glee in it as he turned on his heel and set his eyes on you, with the rest of your companions lingering just behind you. Like he had just finally bothered to notice your presence. "And who do we have here? Your little pet, Astarion?”

You froze in place, but stood up slightly taller. He watched as you jutted your chin forward, setting your shoulders back as you refused to cower in front of him. Even if he could scent your fear from here. Then the old master slinked around you, his chest almost brushing your back as he inspected you head to toe. Your jaw set as he circled behind you where you could not see, but you did your best to keep your face neutral. “And what’s this?” Cazador asked with a flicker of false humor.

Astarion hissed as the vampire stepped even closer, bending down to eye his puncture marks that had scarred on your neck. “You finally gained enough courage to feed from a being capable of thought? Congratulations, spawn.” Then he took in a large inhale, “And quite an appetizing pick too, they smell absolutely delicious."

His glowing red eyes snapped back to Astarion as he remained behind you, looming over your shoulder. He was gauging every reaction from both of you, he knew.

Studying. Calculating. Deducing.

Like any manipulative vampire would.

"But it seems my dear boy, you’ve been double dipping with this one haven’t you?” He made to grab your silver hair and Astarion felt his mind go berserk. “DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH THEM!” He roared, pulling hard enough on the magical red tethers around him that they flared and flickered for a moment.

An evil grin contorted his master's fingers as he still put his long fingers through your hair and pushed it behind your ear. The action revealed even more of your neck so he pressed his prominent nose against your pulse point, inhaling deeply. “Your scent is all over them.” You shuddered involuntarily, your face wincing and flinching away at his cold touch.

Astarion growled, his fangs barring and snapping at his old master. “Oh, so upset. They are your favorite little pet aren’t they?" A long finger nail dragged down your jaw. Astarion's eyes were glued to yours, your body seemingly immobilized from fear — for both yourself and him. Cazador cocked his head as he watched the pair of you before letting out a scoff. "You fool, you fell for your snack instead. What a pity... for once I was almost proud of you.”

He finally let you go, wiping the fingers that touched you off on his jacket like you were a worm he had picked up from the dirt. He licked his lips as he approached his spawn again, still frozen with his scarlet magic that buzzed and echoed with authority throughout the entire chamber. “Well, I can give you one last comfort, since I am such a generous master." He whispered into Astarion's ear, both of their eyes locked onto your worried expression. "Once you and all your siblings are nothing but pulp... I’ll treat your special love extra carefully. I’ll be so lonely since the rest of you will all be gone. But this one… they will make for a delectable companion."

Another growl escaped from deep in his chest, but the sound was caught as Cazador wrapped his long fingers around his pale throat. “It’s a pity I have to lose you. So much work, so much time... gone. But my new companion will do a much better job than you, with a pretty face like that no one would resist? I mean, even you didn’t.” He hissed in his ear.

"ENOUGH!” You barked, stepping forward closer to him with your mouth and brow set in a hardline. "Release him, Cazador, at once."

The bastard only smirked and snapped around to meet you, "Ha. Or what?"

"This all ends here. You end here." You did not stutter or stumble. Your voice was strong and carried across the chamber. Your companions stepped up behind you, hands moving at their sides as they readied their weapons and spells at your word.

"Is that so? You are willing to risk death for him? A wasted, mistake of a spawn? A stupid, little boy?"

Your nostrils flared, your eyes shining with familiar power that was now coming off of you in waves, "I would do anything for him."

"Stupid mortal." Cazador barked, his lips curling in disgust. "I forgot how foolish you can be when you fall in "love". But not to worry... I'll train that right out of you." He twirled back around dramatically, looking at Astarion as he held onto his staff tighter. The red magic swirled and brightened around Astarion, squeezing him so tightly he felt as if may be crushed from the inside out. "You truly forgot my power, Astarion. You truly thought our bond as creator and creation was all that stopped you from killing me. You are weak, my child. You are a small, pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything. But today, you will finally do something worthwhile. You will burn, and I will ascend."

The vampire master flicked his wrist, and Astarion was soaring across the room — completing the final spot in the ritual circle. The entire chamber room suddenly lit up with the red light, a enormous sigils swirling underneath Astarion and the rest of his siblings as they hovered in mid air. Their tops suddenly shredded from the force of the spell as their naked, scared torsos were revealed — the scars littered across them glowing the same scarlet as the patterns beneath them.

"ASTARION!" His name was a roar from your lips again as you surged forward, hands outstretched for him across the ritual floor.

"Witness the birth of the Vampire Ascendant! Ecce dominus!" Cazador's staff slammed down onto the marked stone floor.

And pain like nothing Astarion had ever felt went through every part of him.

Read the next chapter: here

#bg3 fanfiction #astarion ancunin #astarion x reader #astarion x gn reader #astarion x tav #astarion/tav #astarion/reader #astarion fanfic #bg3 astarion #bg3 fanfic

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sticks-stones-sonic-insanity · 4 months

Note

HAIII YOUR TAGS ON MY FAMILIAR LIGHT POST DESTROYED ME HSJSHSHSJSJHSS I HOPE YOU ENJOY YOUR PLAYTHROUGH OF THE GAME EVER 🥺

THATS WHAT YOU GET FOR MAKING ME SOB OVER GAY HEDGEHOGS BLU >:] fr though I've reread the whole thing like 5 times already I do so adore it!

I did try playing sa2 today, but I very quickly realised that playing with the keyboard layout was going to kill me,,,, so, Im gonna go looking for one of my spare wired controllers tomorrow and see if i can hook that up instead. I'll probably rant about it on here as i go anyways lmao, but all ive got for now is OH MY GOD THE TITLE SCREEN SONG HIT ME WITH SO MUCH NOSTALGIA I GOT WHIPLASH. Threw me right back to playing Nitro Bike on the Wii with my siblings when I was little. Also just a fire song in general i got so hyped to play just listening to it!!! But yeah the game ever indeed I'll definitely give it my best shot 🫡

Here, have some lil idiots 🫴

#ive breached tags containment you can tell even more how much of a yapper i am #the shenanigans are going to destroy me i can feel it/pos #ask response #sonadow #sonic adventure 2 #i guess???#idk its so late i need to snooze now bye #sticks can talk!?

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legodamianwayne · 1 year

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BATMAN AND ROBIN 2023 #1 (Take 6 (yes))

(im not writing this as i go since ive already read the issue before. ill also be mentioning gotham war since this takes place during it (just a warning for spoilers!))

i just noticed the bat and robin on the cover! so cute

OH........(just noticed this too) that doesn't look good

look at them goofing off n having fun

this is cute but the way bruce acts here and in gotham war is so jarring its kinda funny

bruce in batman #137: can't stand my fake ass family

bruce in b&r: me and my son damian 🤗

bruce is in his "local dilf in the area" era rn

damian having talia's mannerism that bruce noticed is so <3

and here its confirmed that this takes place during gotham war. not sure how to feel about that

STILL INSANE OVER THIS baby first self insert fanfic

damian went from drawing hyper realistic gore vent art to anime eyes in the corner

i think it'd be fun if we see damian write more as the story goes on. like him daydreaming n doodling in class

wonder if theres any meaning with damian putting talia as a hero n bruce as a criminal here...or maybe its just a "totally original character do not steal" thing

you dont say bruce 🙄

"the last few years"?? pretty sure the events shown there all happened not even in 2 years since damian turned 14 around the start of the lazarus tournament

also why are alfred n talia not shown there? alfred's death has huge impact on damian (he literally hallucinated him) n talia was there as much as ra's

i dont like how damian looks here but that white connor should be a crime

"thats enough emotions for tonight father" [slams door]

i wonder why damian is staying with bruce tho (outside of making this book exist) didn't bruce n talia had a custody battle moment™ n damian's like "nah i have my own life (is literally 14)"

HELL YEAH MY BOY CAN COOK

he's quoting alfred ohhh im gonna sob

this is kinda embarrassing for bruce...like ur son is finally living with you again n he's the one up early cooking?? sir u better step up

aw he's making tea the way alfred did

*squints* did bruce get his hand back? thats a pretty normal looking hand to me

did damian's comment on it in batman #137 made bruce think "shit i cant give damian any ideas of getting a robot hand" n he just. magically grow it back

[GLASS SHATTERING SOUND]

gotham...heights? n. not gotham academy? no maps? no damian joining her dnd team?? no detective club finally hanging out with damian??

ik damian got expelled from gotham academy BUT. WHY

okay? whats the point if he's not going to the same school that his friend went to?

interesting how damian fantasize for a normal life in robin 2021 (with him liking the mundanity of shoujo manga) n now that bruce is offering him that he's rejecting it (or maybe he just rly don't like school which is. fair enough)

wellll just cuz we're not getting maps n the detective club doesn't mean damian's other friends arent showing up right? RIGHT? (maya plz come home)

THE ROBIN MOBILEEE it looks so ridiculous i love it

HOLD ON. DOES THIS CAR HAVE NO SEAT BELTS?? BRUCE UR LETTING THIS SLIDE?

ik that thing is rly loud too damian waking up the whole neighborhood here

not rumors abt the batfam fighting getting spread around?? this is so embarrassing omg

am i the only one getting gotham academy flashbacks here? with killer croc n the trio with the fox shark n bird masks

they're very comfortable with calling eachother father n son while in suits huh. ig everyone in gotham knows that batman is a dilf (who's beefing with his adult children) now

not much to say abt the rest: bruce got shot with something n now bats are attacking him

end thoughts: i hope with all the focus on animals here means that we're getting damian's pets back soon n that gotham war wont affect this book much since i rly want to see damian interact with his siblings again. also is it just me or does the day scenes looks very bright? saturated? it kinda hurts for me to read idk. the night scenes r pretty tho

next issue is damian's first day on his new school that is not gotham academy but im still excited for it! (coping)

bonus bestie corner

#damian wayne #bruce wayne #batman and robin 2023 #FINALLY tumblr keeps posting it while im editing it but its done yippee #this is inspired by makeste bnh/a liveblogs! i remember how much fun it was reading them that i wanna try it with b&r #tho i dont think i could ever write as much for a single issue...#still figuring out how i want to do this

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honeydots · 3 months

Note

For the ask game- Xanlow 30 and 33

OTP ask game

maybe i should just put all of these under a cut at this point

30: Pet names? Yes or no?

laslow 100% yes. i think he's a man who says darling, lover, my dear. perfect. my love. dearest, even. i can imagine him using babe in a modern context too LMAO and goofier ones i think he could use jokingly at xander just for fun. but i think when laslow starts using them it's very notable to xander. the first time he calls him lover.... agh........ ;A; xander.... okay had you asked me this like half a year ago i probably would've said not really but ive been warning up to it lately. "my love" or "my dear" or POTENTIALLY something like "dove" would be cute. i don't think he uses them nearly as often as laslow does, and i think they're usually reserved for more intimate moments (but not necessarily always?). im always iffy w pet names bc sometimes its hard to make them work. but i think there ARE ways to make them work w these two, it just needs to be like. correct? lol. if u have ever seen me use a pet name in a fic know that i most certainly agonized over it LMAOO

33: What is their wedding day like?

WEDDING DAY SOBS SOBS SOBS okay well.... for one thing i do think laslow is a bit of a wreck. anxious to be in front of all these people, anxious to do well in a culture so unlike his own, anxious for what's to come after marrying a king. i think he'd also have a melancholy about him. his friends aren't all there. even if odin and selena are around, i really think the consequences of staying in nohr will weigh on laslow for like. ever. i don't think he'd be able to shake some of the sadness and loneliness. and on a day like his wedding, i think it'd be on his mind. EVEN STILL!! i think he'd be faced with a lot of joy, too. especially once he's with xander and they're celebrating. laslow probably voiced some of his anxieties leading up to the wedding, so it's not like xander doesn't know that he might have some trouble. and i think he'd do what he can to make him comfortable. xander is probably also very nervous. we know he has a lot more anxiety than he seems to, and a royal wedding isn't going to be without its fair share of stressors. i think his siblings would be trying their damnedest to make sure things run smoothly, and probably have to keep reminding xander that it's *his day* and he doesn't need to be in charge of everything, just this once. he's a little antsy!! i think it goes well, tho. laslow probably does cry and its VERY embarrassing. of course they dance together. i like to think peri helped to make some of the goodies and pastries that're served, too. and afterwards i think that a lot of the stress and sadness melts away, and they're filled with a lot more giddiness and excitement. they're married :) !! and then honeymoon in cyrkensia or something HEHE

#THANK YOUUU #i actually have a wedding wip for them!#but its a modern au where some veeery specific things happen #so not quite applicable for this general idea but hehe. im cooking #on the pet names topic. for a bit i didn't like pet names for ANY ship #bc i kept finding that i didn't think the characters would use them. and then they got used and it just took me outta the moment #but i do think it works for xnlw more than it did for any of my other fave ships in the past #so ive been opening up to em a bit. a BIT. it still has to be in character or else i'll toss them out #thank u again for the ask i LOVE THESE GUYS!!!#dots's xnlw tag #dots answers asks #anonymous

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nagitosasshole · 2 years

Text

𝑩𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑩𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒅

Vampire Copia / Papa Emeritus IV

(Dracopia) x reader

𝕎𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕤:

◇ There is mention and description of gore right at the beginning, with only brief mentions of it afterwards ◇

◇ Copia isn't depicted as a 'soft' vampire

(The violence is strictly tied to Copia's vampirism) ◇

◇ Copia is Copia, and Copia is baby- but Copia also accidentally mauled an innocent person to death :^) ◇

◇ Sorta slow burn with lots of angst ◇

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before you get into it, do have mercy on me, please. i've not posted a story since i was 14-15 and it was not a serious attempt at all. this is my first ever actual attempt at a story, so feel free to send in any criticism or opinions, please!!

(and apologies if Copia or the Ghouls are out of character. this is just how i personally think they'd act!!)

love ya,, thanks!!

ali

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☆☆☆☆☆☆☆Chapter☆ 1☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

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(reader) has watched Copia flourish from their anxious, awkward, and generally uncouth Cardinal to a powerful Papa. Years of budding friendship allows them to share nearly everything with each other. Be it shared anxieties, insecurities, or just the feeling of loneliness and not belonging.

Not even his sudden rise to power really surprises them, not when they saw their friend becoming more confident and proud over the years. They helped him through with open arms over his 6 years of coming to terms with himself.

They really thought they helped him through, that they knew everything about him.

◇

The sight of a panting Copia huddled painfully in a corner of the library as he helplessly claws at his cheeks and jaws, a pair of fingers dipping into his red-stained mouth in an attempt to expel whatever he'd consumed makes that belief fly out of the window.

Forcing myself to look away from my dear friend crumpled up in red, I shakily let my gaze drift a few feet away from Copia. Eyes following the red trail that seems to have followed him to the corner, finding the source sprawled across the libraries antique wooden flooring.

A Sibling of sin, laying in a position that if not drowned in blood would look sound asleep. I internally thank the lorde that their petrified face is lulled down, hidden with messy hair.

My mind cannot get rid of the image of their body covered in gashes and bites, and what looks to be bruises, and…

I feel bile rise in my throat as my eyes wander over their already paling skin, unable to rip my eyes away from the places where their skin has been torn, some places looking like it'd been done by teeth.

My body doesn't allow me to move, only forcing out a broken, chocked whimper as I forcibly move my eyes away from my fellow Sibling. The sound alerts Copia to my presence, making his head snap up as his hand shakily and limply slips from his drooling mouth, leaving a line of transparent red between his puffy lips and gloved fingers. His looks as if his entire world is crumbling around him with just the glossy, overflowing look in his eyes.

I can only sob out a crackly and nearly silent call of his name before he's darting out of the room faster than I've ever seen him. I could only stumble out of the library, expression void and sunken as I slowly walk back to my room, sticking to the walls with a light hand to keep myself upright. My brain finally -for once- spares me some mercy, allowing my thoughts to ease into nothingness. Allowing me to make it to my room with an empty brain as I unceremoniously dump my weighted body to my bed. I don't sleep well that night.

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After that day, I stuck to myself. Everything I enjoyed, I abandon.

Everything I once did to socialize, I abandon.

Even small pleasures and things I enjoy I abandon in favor of hudling under my covers until I'm forced to crawl out of them.

My drop in work quality doesn't go unnoticed by Sister or my peers. I have talk after talk with Sister, endlessly forced to voice why I'm hiding away and shying away from my extra work- only to get nothing out of me.

Even my fellow Siblings notice when I quietly and half heartedly tell them I cannot do their work, or even help them anymore. Never offering a reason as to why.

They'll never know that I see that Sibling from the library when I look at them.

Their very clothing, the habit that I myself wear makes me sick, sending nauseating memories of that night in the library. I've had to cover my mirror and turn around with clenched eyelids as I get dressed.

I can't even bare to look at myself.

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The first week I spend spinning memories of the ghouls and Copia in my brain, frantically attempting to convince myself it was a dream, knowing my Copia would never…

No, not a dream.

It's apparent in the way he's avoided me.

My thoughts only give way to ugly sobs as I suffocate them my pillow.

◇

The second week I spend repeatedly rocking myself on my bed, back bent over my knees with my arms locked around them, blanket covering my compacted body and i endlessly attempt to self sooth. The fear of what I saw grows along with the disgustingly potent need to see Copia.

I internally curse myself, screaming at and berating myself for wanting to see him. Surely he's not the man you knew. My brain attempts to conjure the word monster in my desprate attempt to right myself, only for it to falter before I can even think it.

I could never think of him as a monster.

My brain is definitely faulty. Some wires or circuits are definitely frayed or fucked up, surely.

But I could never see him as a monster.

◇

On the third week, I give into desprate mindsets.

Letting myself stare at messy handwriting, intentionally vague, bland…not a word of what happened.

i hope your work is treating you well. i miss your company. you are well??, I wrote plainly, the shake in my writing betraying the anxiety I felt when writing it. In the dead of the night, I sneak out of my room to place the note outside his door. I didn't dare even write my name on the letter for fear he'd discard it.

◇

On the fourth week, I continue writing notes. Some more stiff and short than others, while some could be long and drawn out as if I were spewing out what was in my mind if he were truly there. There's always an air of emptiness and sadness to my writing.

My notes increased along with my appearances outside of my room. Only long enough to get to and from, but it was progress. There was always an air of panic around me when I dropped of a note for Copia to find. Always to avoid the library in my attempts to catch a glace at or the attention of him.

My efforts only bore fruit a couple of times, and yet they meant nothing. Only the slight widening of Copia's eyes showed he saw me at all before he'd turn his head, acting as Papa once more.

At the same time, acting as if I didn't exist.

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It started with the fleeting sights of the ghouls around me, always watching through the day. That's definitely not a rare or even unappreciated occurrence, but they hardly ever come to talk to me anymore. Usually, my day would be filled with chores, then my optional work later on in the day- be it doing simple errands for the overworked Papa's, or perhaps a Sibling of sin who wants to blow off work, but most of all gardening work with Papa Primo-

All of my off time you'd see me kneeling on stiff, hurting knees as I giggle along with whatever Primo is drawling on about, counting the time on the old-fashioned clock Primo keeps around as I wait for Copia to be done with work. Conversations help me forget time as Primo's aged hands guide and teach me how to properly care for his beloved plants.

A handful of times the two of us are accompanied by a helpful Mountain or Aether, the two helping lift heavy things that I can't manage, even less so the elder Papa. It's always warm, friendly ghouls always wandering through the garden to chat and cut up with me and Primo.

On rare occasions, we even find some of Secundo's ghouls wandering through. They hardly talk, but they prove to be good company still with how attentive they are to the garden's needs, proving to be quite good listeners, too. It's a real treat, but most of our visitors are Primo's own ghoul's, and (now) Copia's ghouls. Primo's ghouls (and the few retired ghouls. cough cough cowbell cough) will always stay near the gardens, ever loyal to their Papa. While Copia's ghouls are just plain and simple the most personable and sociable of the lot.

Soon I found my friendships with the kindly Papa and the ghouls flourishing like the flowers we care for so often.

It's no surprise it bled through "work" and into everyday life. Perhaps I was already friendly with them, knew them because of Copia, but I'd like to think the time we spent working together as a group made us close. It would explain how for the last few years, they made a habit of watching over me and approaching me to talk whenever they saw me.

I always appreciated how they looked over me rather than me being creeped out by it. In a way I understand their odd habits and affections. It made me feel safe knowing that they cared for me enough to have an eye out for me, even the notoriously hotblooded (asshole) Dewdrop.

But nowadays they only watch, and notably only Copia's ghouls. Maybe that's why their lack of seeking me out combined with their increased watching makes my neck prick with a chilled sensation. It just doesn't feel right. Maybe they're worried by my abrupt disappearance from our daily gardening routine, or maybe they can sense my dismal mood. Whatever it is, they don't say anything.

It only makes me want to hide away in my room more. Away from responsibilities and questions, and sure as hell away from who I consider my dear friends unreadable gazes. It makes my stomach twist and churn until I make it my mindless mission to make my way from room to room, never staying in one room longer than necessary during chores. The relief I feel from "evading" a ghoul is always short lived when after only a few minutes, I notice a different ghoul in the room I'm in.

I don't dare call out to them or say anything. Not unless they say something first. The fear pricking inside of me restrains my need to know what's going on, effectively silencing me and forcing my body to continue on with the world's worst game of where's the ghoul. I have an idea of why they're like this, anyway.

What I saw…

Surely whatever friendship I think I had with them was trumped by their loyalty to their master. They probably see me as a liability now. Waiting patiently with open ears for a slip up, waiting for me to break and spout out what I saw. Shouting to my fellow Siblings of sin that our beloved Papa IV is a monster.

That's why on the fourth week, when he finally acknowledges me in full, my heart nearly falls to my toes. With a single note with my name writen in neat writing poised on my bedside table, my heart thunders in my chest.

He had one of his ghouls come into my room and place it, or maybe he did it himself…the thought makes me lean agaisnt my headrest for support as I snatch the letter up with a shaky hand.

If you really wish to do this, come to my room.

9 : 0 0

I will be there. I will be waiting.

- yours,

Copia

My nerves make me feel as if I'm going to throw up as I scan my aching eyes over his writing. Even the fact he wrote 'Copia' instead of 'C' makes me feel ill. With a pained groan, I rub my sweaty forehead. "fuck this…", I think out loud, voice broken and scratchy from lack of use. "I'm gonna take a shower…lorde knows I need one."

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☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

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additional notes:

alrighty then, thanks for reading all the way through!! hope u enjoyed it!!

i'll have an ao3 account soon enough. hopefully, the formatting will be just how i want it, but until then, i hope how it is at the moment is okay!!

ali

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#copia x reader #cardinal copia x reader #papa iv x reader #dracopia x reader #vampire copia #vampire papa iv #mmmm delicious drama and trauma #ghost x reader #ghost the band x reader #ghost bc x reader #covering all bases with the name smh #papa emeritus iv x reader #Dracopia #first fanfic #dont crucify me pls #the nameless ghouls #papa emeritus x reader #cardinal copia #papa iv

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crushedsweets · 1 year

Note

back w more of my song analysis bs cause im studying music performance and it’s all I think about 😍 sorry this is so long. i have so many Thoughts

the chain by fleetwood mac is such a brian song. no big beat drop, just constant driving bass - shows determination, relentlessness. specifically the line “if you don’t love me now, you will never love me again” which i take to mean “after i do what im about to do i will become unlovable, so you if you don’t love me now then you will never be able to because i’ll be such an irredeemable person”

geyser by mitski is a really good song to describe nina’s relationship with Jeff. the way that the song starts off so slow, so quiet and thin, but then swells to a grand and full sound like how nina’s obsession started off so small but then grew to control her entire life. love the line “and hear the harmony only when it’s harming me”

a pearl by mitski and LJ (another mitski song cause she’s my fav artist ever) about his abandonment mmm. plus the slightly sinister sounding chords showing his evilification(?? yk what i mean. when he turned emo) ugh “you’re growing tired of me” and “i fell in love with a war and nobody told me it ended” so him

tongues and teeth by the cranes wives and EJ. this is SO his song. ALL of the lyrics r so incredibly him,, “my teeth will only cut your lips, my dear” plus the slightly manic instrumental, highlighting the panic he feels at potentially harming people he loves HLGKFJJDS.

also, for ur consideration, miss nothing by the pretty reckless x nat.

- anon 🌙

anon im kicking my feet. AGGHHGHG. ohh my god. yhou are using musical word that i do not comprehendn in the same way you may but wow do i love the way you describe it. very poetic i think. ill talk abt these.. and then mention a liil extra smth abt toby i thought when driving yesterday

the chain is yes very brian.... ugh... yeyah. yeah. 'after i do what im about to do' is so real. like being so very aware and conscious of your awful decisions and still going through with them. quite brian-like even under the whole complexities with hoody persona etc etc....

AND YEAH GEYSER TOO . the start of the song feels very like... idk if scary is right but its just very deep and could be quite unsettling.... nina longs for love. "i've turned down every hand thats beckoned for me to come" very pretty, fun, easy-going girl that could have plenty of suitors and yet she's still crawling towards this fucking beast of a man who is nothing good for her. "i will be the one you need" constantly warping herself for this man that wouldn't do shit for her, and she doesn't mind because she loves him in every single which way he is, and she loves how awful it is . and FUCKKKKK SHE NEEDS TO GET BETTER SHE NEEDS TO GET AWAY. she gets away dont worry. she gets over him. lots of crying and sobbing and screaming but she gets over it. its very hard to get over something awful when you crave awful

im not a huge lj fan (SCARED OF CLOWNS IM SORRY GUYS IK I KEEP HARPING ON ABOUT IT) but i loooove a pearl. "i fell in love with a war / nobody told me it ended" wow. ok. yeah. wow. jesus. rolling the pearl around looking for anything and everything that could soothe the ache of literal fucking abandonment while all you can do is wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and then its all too much and damn . :( damn ok.

IVE GORWN A MOUTH SO SHARP AND CRUEL IS LITERALLY SO PERFFECTLY EJ. FUCK. "I am not a vessel for your good intents" oh but he is sure a vessel for something demonic .... "abonded all your stupid dreams / about the girl i couldve been" HE HAD SOOO MANY FUCKING DREAAAMSSSS he wants to be a doctor he wanted to save lives he wanted a family he wanted a dog he wanted to see his little siblings grow up he wanted to take care of his elderly parents. and now all he can do is sit and be miserable because he is a monster and there is only so much he can do about it. damn. wow.

also yeah to the nat thing wow.

wow. yeah. goddamn.

AND ALSOOOOO OK LAST NIGHT I WAS DRIVING AND THIS SONG CAME ON

shit show by peter mcpoland i just keep thinking about toby. tbh ill find a way to twist any song into toby cuz i like him but yea. this is leaning more into the found family thing after losing his own and just seeing the way different people reflect his past and its gut wrenching but you know how he is. just a guy of sorts. he spends a lot of his time angry and wanting to isolate and self destruct and ruin everything around him . but he also spends a lot of his time desperate for normalcy, for respect, to be seen as a human fucking being and ah fugugh. im just imagining brian pulling him out to meet the owner of the farm near slenders forest and making him stand straight and telling the farmer 'he's a good kid, hard worker, strong. keep him around" (the hardworking strong part is true, at least) and toby's about to die cuz he's so stressed (this is shortly after all the fucking murder) but brian lightly slaps him on the back and he stands up straight and the farmer just shakes his hand and says smth nice abt 'got a good grip there' and and and guyyyyssss..... and holidays..are so hard for hhim.. and "i swear i'd see your faces staring up at me" ohh my goddd.... "I don't wanna drink alone today" man................... guys...... man......

#long post #🌙 anon #asks

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cyberdragoninfinity · 1 year

Note

oh! iii/trey/michael for the character meme!

TREEEEYYY MY LITTLE STARBUCKS PINK DRINK

First impression: when he first showed up in Duel Links in like. i think like late 2021?? I was like "oh ok so that puppet freak from earlier has a little brother, INTERESTING" <--*ominous thunder as i think about How Bad Yugioh Siblings Get Me* didnt think too much of him beyond that except maybe "oh i dont. know how i feel about. his deck archetype"

Impression now: OUGHH....TREY....TREY MICHAEL III MY LITTLE GUY. i didnt expect him to be my favorite Arclight brother but he's just. So good. He's 15 and he wants his family to be alright and he wants to be useful and he wants to have friends and his design is adorable and he has a SWORD. Sobbing crying pounding my fists on the pavement. He's like the embodiment of 🙃 as a person. Smiling but barely keeping it together. I would kill for him.

Favorite moment: HIS WHOLE DUEL WITH YUMA. IS PROBABLY MY TOP FAVORITE ZEXAL DUEL STILL but especially when he's just like "if i do this maybe I can be of some use to my father and my family *literally attempts a murder-suicide that almost ends the world*. It blasted my brain clear into the stratosphere. ALSO the moment in Zexal II when he throws a sword at Mr. Heartland. HOT PINK BITCH NAMED BREAKFAST.... ATTACK!

Idea for a story: I think a post-canon Zexal story where Yuma invites both Trey and Vector over for some kind of hang out would be, really really funny. They're gonna get into a fight about who's closer to Yuma and it's only gonna dissolve when Trey realizes Vector has Fuckign Biblical Times Era Memories and can ask him about 400 B.C. era art and architecture. They're talking about Persepolitan columns now. Yuma just wants to play duel monsters.

Unpopular opinion: IDK IF IT'S UNPOPULAR OR NOT BUT I STILL. DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT CHRONOMALIES. ive said it before the concept is cool but WHY. DID THEY GIVE A DECK FULL OF INDIGENOUS ARTWORK TO A LITTLE WHITE BOY. AND MAKE IT ALL ~MYSTICAL.~ ERM. WELL !

Favorite relationship: I do absolutely adore his friendship with Yuma and how that's progressed over the course of the show, but his bond with his family makes me especially absolutely beastmode Hooting Hollering Crying. This kid is loyal almost to a fucking fault and he just loves the people he's close to SO much. HE JUST WANTED TO BE USEFUL FOR HIS DAD. HE JUST WANTED HIS FAMILY TO GO BACK TO NORMAL. GOD. shoutout also to his dynamic with Quattro, which I love. guy going freak mode and his baby brother watching the carnage like <:)

Favorite headcanon: autistic with the Ancient Civilization special interest Of All Time. In a few years time this kid's gonna come out as nonbinary and start messing around with neopronouns we can only dream of. Surprisingly ruthless board game player. Picks up slang from Yuma and can't stop. Likes fizzy bubbly drinks.

#THANK YOU I LOVE TREY. TOP FAV ZEXAL KIDDOS FOR CERTAIN #ygo posting #asks #blackfeatherdragon

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tadpolesonalgae · 1 year

Note

HAHHA ohmygos sorry i feel like ive forced all my “Give More Demon Bf Being Cute” shit on u. but tysm…. if u ever get round to writing anything in that verse that’s even got one line of tenderness i’ll go batshit guaranteed

BUT ANYTHING U WRITE OK I EAT IT UP. that recent feysand one?? SOBBING AND CRYING. i can only imagine their pining snd teasing like “wow tell y/n” “no u” constantly. SO GOOD

but omg….. genuinely so excited to see where t&t will go! idk why i’m so obsessed over it but thank you anyway i think. azriel just seemed so worried and and and ohhhh like he genuinely wanted you by his side and UGH. it judt felt rlly raw and i cant word properly rn ok? i’m half awake

but 10/10 as per usual

— ur delusional friend

I thoroughly welcome all your “Give Me More Demon BF Being Cute” with open arms, don’t you worry!

I’m very happy to say that I’m still enjoying Teeth and Talons as much as I did in the beginning! However, I’ve got part 1 of a Nessian fic coming out today, then a slightly angsty Az x third-oldest-Archeron-sibling one, then part two for the Nessian fic, then a Tamlin one (???), and then also Act. III for Eat You Up soon after that.

I might switch up the order of things though and try to fit in another t&t chapter before all that because you’ve been so sweet in expressing your excitement!!!

#anons <3 #delusional friends #delusional together #teeth and talons

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slytherinsarcasam · 1 year

Text

Tw! Mentions of suicide, depression and anxiety and mentions of abuse.

So its a bit over a month since i tried atempted to take my own life, and this was after i was a visit to mental hospital for 5 days.

This wont make a lot of sense but i will try. It was the first attempt i tried, but suicide thoughts is something ive had since i was about 14. I dont know how long ive been struggling with depression and anxiety but its a long long time.

I honestly felt like nobody cared, or loved me. I was so deep in these thoughts daily, i even had nightmares about my abusive parents actually caring about me. I cried myself to sleep and slept so little and honestly could not tell you what day it was.

And i was so so angry, for not trusting my siblings, and i somehow still dont. For not telling more people, but also for those i cared about and spoke to and for a few of them how i broke their hearts, how i made them cry. Mabye it made me more depressed i honestly cant answer that.

So i actually tried to kill myself, i still do, just not as strongly. But my sister saved me buy calling the ambulanse for me (dw it dont cost a fortune as i live in Norway)

And while i dont regret trying it was the aftermath that truly broke me. Not only did i see family and friends cry, people i love with all my heart. But what broke me was my oldest sister, my younger brother and my best friend. Seeing my older sister and best friend cry hurt me alot. But my baby brother, a person i have basicly raised since i was 8 hearing him cry over almost not having me around, was the one thing that made me into a sobbing mess. And i made a promise that day, for him. I will never try again, for him.

Sometimes i wish i tried to ask for help more, that i fought a little harder, and yet i could not and would not. I did not want to be saved in a sense. I am so used to the pain and not getting the help i need that the only thing i could think about, was ending it all.

I wish i was a better person, so that i regret my actions, so that they can feel safe it wont happen again.

But i think deep down we all know i am still a danger to myself and the only thing keeping me here is a promise to a brother only so i know he wont kill himself in response. Bc even if i now live a safe place and have a job, i dont want to be here. I cant see myself becoming old.

I hope i can read this back once, that ive healed enough from that abuse to not go back at where i am today. I hope i can keep that one promise, and become a better person only if it is for my brother that ive raised.

I hope i find joy in those little things, that at the moment looks like giant hills to klimb, bc i will never be able to do this for myself, only for others. And it might be wrong for me to only doing things for others. But until i find away to do it myself its the only reliable way for me to stay on this earth.

I hope i heal enough not to hurt others, bc i know it will be my downfall eventually.

And somehow i find hope in that, that i can eventually heal, i hope i do bc i have not been living since i was 14, i was surviving in a world i wanted to get away from, and i hope one day i can say im actually living. That ive apologise to those i hurt and also left behind this who hurt me...

Thats it for my little rant, if you read so far thank you!

#i am not mentally well #mental heath tw #suiside #tw triggers

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prisonguards · 2 years

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not a prompt necessarily but ive been rotating the idea of hermes getting a (half) sibling. would they be happy? annoyed? overshadowed by the new kid? or would he be ecstatic to have someone to play with? if hermes was named for being a messenger between stratos and sanctuary, what would the smallidarity kid be named?

OMMMMG CRY... THIS IS SO CUTE... a smallidarity kid getting sent back and forth between their empires too... hanging out with Hermes.. sobs..

I think Grians characterization of Hermes being a little angry child is so cute and fun, check out this toddler with RBF lmaao. and with him watching all of Joels fights n stuff too.... the idea of him being a bit violence gung-ho and destructive is so cute. (I need a disclaimer that I havent been watching Sausages season so for any Hermes characterization he puts out Ive been missing it ausgsug) but I think a smallidarity child would also be chaotic LMAO. Im picturing them getting on but also roughhousing a bit and the smallidarity kid being a bit of a crybaby and pitching a bit of a fit any time Hermes takes a toy or smth that they really wanted or wins and fight and Jimmy coming in on the defensive HOT. I think it would be hard and slow for Jimmy and Joel to let go of their rivalry completely and so they would still get into little spats over this and pick sides for the kids LMAO

Thinking abt Jimmy having both the kids over at his empire eventually when theyre in a bit of an inseparable period-- which I think they alternate between getting on so well and getting VERY irritated with eachother. I think Hermes being older and having very many big brother traits, getting annoyed when he has to take care of/hang out with his little sibling who is soooo much lamer than him. cause theyre a baby. but also being very protective and doting when he wants to be and relishing in being admired and worshiped as the cool big brother LMAO. wonder which dad he got that one from. ANYWAY BACK TO THEM BEING IN TUMBLE TOWN. I think they would be little destructive menaces and Jimmy would get frustrated and get all mad at Joel like ur son is a bad influence!! and have a bit of a struggle getting over his Hermes resentment but he sees them playing well together and how much Joel loves both of them and it softens him a lot... hes really busy and pretty hotheaded himself and doesnt really seem ready to be a dad at first but Joels got more experience and is willing to help him through it and take the kids for longer if Jimmy needs some peace and quiet for once and like... the kid is good for both of them, what they represent and the good and care they bring out of the two of them... it helps a lot. like I said earlier I think Jimmy would also pick up that FIERCE defensiveness over their kid that Joel has over Hermes. hes like Ugh these kids are driving me CRAZY theyre destroying Tumble Town but if anyone insulted them hed get like but theyre MY crazy kids!!! also Im just picturing a soft moment where the kid is just a baby and is crying. SO MUCH. and Jimmy holds them for a bit and they just.... calm down quickly and fall right asleep in his arms and just UGHJHHH. Jimmy being like *puppy eyes full of love and wonder* abt it and Joel. AND JOEL.. just seeing this soft side of Jimmy with THEIR CHILLLDDD. AUGH. drops dead. just absolute fall in love all over again moments

name-wise... you sent me on a bit of a wikipedia hop for other greek gods. I wanted specifically a relevant name meaning but not super caring abt the actual ~lore~/history too deeply, tho it could be a plus. at first I thought Eris would be fun name because of discord and conflict and rivalry but as this child is a symbol of moving forward in their relationship and putting their arguments behind them, her counterpart Harmonia sounded much better plus I like her parentage. Hermes and Harmonia... adorable. I think they would be very chaotic kids. I want Harmonia to be kinda quieter/shyer on impulse but I think with their family makeup it wouldnt really work like that LMAO. since theyre younger/smaller than Hermes I dont think they could win fights often when they learn they can get their way with words/by pitching fits.... its over for everyone.

if Hermes is a child born of an armor stand, then Harmonia would be one sculpted out of terracotta

#I have baby fever rnIm so crazy #prisspeaks #smallidarity #Ill just post anything #thank you for this ask anon I appreciate u sm!!!!!!!!!!!!! it did cheer me up on my bad day tyyy <3 #asks

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trumpetnista · 1 year

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Goodbye, Daddy. With love from Cookie.

August 3rd 1964 - August 15th 2023

As I mentioned a few journal entries ago, my dad had been sick and bedbound due to a bedsore that became an open wound. That open wound became septic down to the bone. While there were signs of it healing, his body could no longer take the stress it was under. The pain he was in was too intense. There was nothing more that could be done to help him medically. After discussing things with all of us, Dad was put into hospice care on the 8th. The IV drip was removed and he was put on a morphine/diluadid regimen to reduce his pain and aid his departure. Even after that, he kept fighting to stay with us. He didn't want to leave us. I know that in my soul but in the end? Loving someone is knowing when to let them go. We had to let him go so he could depart in peace, so he could be Free and out of agony.

This morning, at 2:30AM, he took his last breath.

My mom, my Aunt Paris, my younger brother, and myself were there. My big sister @dynamicspacebabe and her husband joined us shortly afterwards. Our whole family and several of his friends visited over the weekend and yesterday because we all knew that it would be soon. His kidneys had begun to fail. His brain was shutting down. He was no longer able to eat, drink, speak and during his last 48 hours, see us despite his eyes being open.

He could still hear us, though.

My mother had been playing music for him the whole time but in his last 48 hours, I took over as the DJ. Songs that he loved, songs from my childhood kept playing, and each one was deeply comforting, even the ones that made me sob. Eventually, I began singing to him, surprising everyone. I typically am not one to sing in public, despite having a pretty good voice, but I wanted him to hear me as much as possible. I wanted to let him know that I was still with him, even though I no longer had any words to say other that I loved him and that I would always be his Cookie.

His nickname for me happened on my birthday. According to the story, when I arrived, I looked like just like a gingerbread cookie. My mother's adopted father wanted to call me Pumpkin but that was promptly shut down. Too many stories about people getting into trouble involved someone known as Pumpkin, at least according to him, which was actually pretty accurate given that we lived in Gary, Indiana at the time. So, Cookie it was and Cookie it stayed. He was the only one who was allowed to call me Cookie. Cookie, it will remain for the rest of my life.

I know that I mentioned that I had conflicted feelings towards him. I know that I said that I was angry at him for his behavior towards me and my siblings as a parent in the past/present. I still have those feelings but they are outweighed by love. It was like that before he passed away and it will definitely be going forward. I won't pretend that it never happened. I won't rewrite history. I can't but I can have nuance. I can have balance. I can forgive but not forget. I can have empathy, not just for him but for my Mom.

Mom and Dad met when they at U of M in their late teens. They were together for 40 years. They were best friends and now, she's by herself for the first time since before they met. She still has us. She has her mother and siblings. She still has her true friends but I am terrified that we will lose her, too. Diane and I gave her resources to keep her here. Diane gave her the Suicide Prevention Hotline number and I told her how to use the crisis line at Easterseals, which I've been using frequently since the 8th. I also figured out how to check into a mental ward that's closer to home, not just for her but for myself.

I'm still afraid to be in a ward by myself but I have to be realistic. I have faced tragedy many times in my life. My family has faced tragedy many times but nothing on this level. Every time we've been through hell, Dad was always there. He supported us all as best as he could but this time? He is the tragedy and what makes things worse?

This could've and should've been avoided.

The nursing home who neglected my Daddy, murdered him. It's as if they pointed a fucking gun at him and shot him point blank. It wasn't congestive heart failure or diabetes that took him away. It was them.

If it wasn't for their callousness, their lack of professionalism, their utter contempt for the people in their care? He would still be with us.

And my father isn't the only victim. Every time we named the facility, people recognized it and reacted with sadness/horror. I am well aware that there are many other nursing homes just like the one who murdered my Daddy. I am well aware that it's a systemic problem through the United States and globally. I get it. I've been a Caregiver for over a decade. I have no choice but to get it.

That being said, I'm making it my mission to take down the nursing home and every person inside of it who took my Daddy away from me. I want to make sure that no one else will lose their loved one to them. I want to hit them where it hurts the most: in their wallet and I want to expose their shitty reputation to the masses.

It won't bring him back. It won't restore him to the man he was before all hell broke loose. It won't undo the pain and trauma we've gone through since late February-early March. It won't and can't do any of that but having a place to target, having people to blame for this makes the situation better. Having a mission after tragedy adds to the motivation to stay alive, at least to me. Maybe it's because I watched too much Batman growing up or maybe it's just me being spiteful but I'll take it.

I am heartbroken but not spirit broken. I can't speak for the rest of my family members but I know that I will survive this. I have the coping mechanisms, the support system, and most of all, I have a promise to keep.

Before cancer stole my Bunny, my Sara Elizabeth from all of us, she made me promise two things: she made me promise that she would not die alone in a hospital and she made me promise that after she was Gone, I would do my best to be happy and to live well.

I keep my promises and the promise I made to Sara will be double downed on for my Daddy.

All he wanted was for all of us to be safe. All he wanted was for all of us to be happy. He adored his family and he showed it as best as he could. He did the best that he could and flaws and all? He was a good man. He was a good husband. He was a good father. He was a good friend.

Reginald Thomas Dixon was a good man.

He was my Daddy.

And I will always, always be his Cookie.

I love you, Daddy.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you and we will make the pieces of shit who hurt you, who murdered you pay for it.

I no longer believe in the doctrine that I was taught but I do still believe in an afterlife. I do believe that you are at peace and I believe that you are with our Bunny. Please hug her for me.

I sang one of your favorite Donny Hathaway songs after you were released from the prison your body became. I sang that Someday We'll All Be Free and your Someday has come.

Smile, Daddy. You're Free.

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With all the love in my heart, Cookie.

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