#its us chilling at home
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still upset about the couple in my main friend group ghosting and blocking us all because we (the rest of us queer) call ourselves faggots
#also the poc friends saying their respective slurs#but its like oh so uou think were dirty for saying those words#you think we are gross nasty disgusting to be around so youll end a multiple year friendship without saying anything#ok#sbaisbsjs im sorry im just so upset#it was more than that too but i t really felt like every little thing they could scroung up to back that up#like u do that when u find out allegations not when someone said kms at a party once#they also thought we were having parties without them and lying about it like no!!!!#MY ROOMATES MOM DIED JESUS#AND WE WERE ALL BROKE CUZ GROCERIES WENT UP TRIPLE#like tbh everytime we had a party it got to a point it was always assumed and not asked we will host cuz they live with family still#which is fineeee cuz everyone in that friend group lives with family except the three of us who are roomates#but just cuz we are at home vibing with respective partners doesnt mean its automatically a party and without u#its us chilling at home#also they did this when i asked if they were coming to my roomates birthday who is supposably one of her best friends so im just like!!!!
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It's 2am and I can't sleep, have this silly doodle
#art#zkretchy#dragon age 2#da2#hawke#anders#kirkwall may be our home and it felt homey in the way that smth is familiar and thus comforting#but also....boi is it a shithole#our shithole(affectionate)(and derogatory lets be real)#everyone: btw kirkwall is a shithole and apparently the veil is fucked there which is why everyone went crazy#its hilarious to start w/ 2 and then go into inquisition#where the first things ppl tell you is that many circles are actually p chill/normal and people were trying to achieve peace#between mages and templars before everything blew up (unrelated to anders)#vs kirkwall where basically the first thing you get told is all mages bad and the circle? even worse actually!#and everyone and their grandmother-mage uses bloodmagic(such evil :O) and turns into a demon one way or another#and the conflict is...there in da:i sure but not as prevelant at the start at the very least#ppl are much more chill about mages minus the rebel ones AND agree that templars can fuck up actually and not be good at their job in any w#diversity win: factions not led by fade-crazed-driven mage nor red-lyrium templar#as of right now....i am not trusting anyone anymore....keeping my eyes on all of my companions now lest they build a bomb again w/out telli
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i think about splinter walking in on the aftermath of caged lungs a lot
#canary continuity#rottmnt#like#pov: you are splinter. you have spent the past few months feeling Off#theres this odd air in your home that you cant place and some distance from your sons again#but you trust their independence and you tend to wane in and out again already#and theyve all been encouraging you to go out there and get a social life!!#even before the curse you dont know about yet theyve been nothing but supportive#maybe a bit pushy lately. but you think theyre just happy for you#teenagers are rebellious. youre sure theyll use your absence for shenanigans but thats a part of being a teen#so you go for a night out.#its a break from the odd tension youve felt#you come home feeling relaxed. lighter. youre smiling to yourself as you walk back into your home#for a moment its quiet and you can just breathe in the comfortable silence#and then you smell blood. not the faint clinging tang of it youd smelled for a few weeks and dismissed. FRESH blood#your veins chill with panic. dread prickles down your spine. you run towards the smell#and then you hear your oldest sons SCREAMING.#both of them dont scream like donnie and mikey do. they SHOUT a lot. they dont SCREAM#they dont scream like their souls are being torn out of their chest. not like that#(for a moment you freeze. and all you can think about is torn flesh and the snap of bones. cheering. blood caked across your bruised fists.#and then the panic hits you at once and you BOLT#and you walk into the culmination of fifteen years of your careless mistakes.#and nothing is ever the same again
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do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up
i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.
she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.
never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-
i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:
okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.
the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page
she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later
so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions
"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"
"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"
Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.
I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.
On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.
Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.
And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.
Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.
Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it
and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks
And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.
(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)
The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.
And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)
I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.
and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured
In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.
(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)
#asks#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#marcille donato#manga panel analysis#this is probably riddled with typos sorry#readmore cut bc it got long lmao#i ended up babbling about it bc it's such an important character detail to me#bc like... wow. she's so normal about it. she's literally just chilling.#the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her#the stereotypes the stigma etc. etc.#otherwise it just..#literally doesn't factor into her criteria for self-worth at all#the basic truth is that marcille likes herself on a fundamental level#she's not plagued by a deep and festering self-loathing the way a lot of characters in her archetype are#she likes herself and is proud of her successes and accomplishments#its just that shes terrified of failure and can have *episodes* of self-loathing when she fucks up#but who doesn't yknow#i know its a very slight nuance that makes very little difference in how her 'overachiever' problems manifest but its there#the sword of abandonment issues that hangs over her head has nothing to do with her self-worth or self-esteem or meeting her own standards#it has to do with the fear of not living up to *other* people's expectations and not being useful enough to be worth keeping around#she's good enough for herself but she's always so so so scared that she's not good enough for other people#i wont say much about what ryoko kui is saying using this as an allegory for real world racial biases but#dungeon meshi's treatment of marcille's relationship with her being half-elf is so incredibly important to me because it gets it so right.#a trauma about inferiority or being a half-being isn't inherent to the experience of being 'of two worlds' at all#that's something that's unfairly drilled into people by their environment#the *inherent* anguish is the loneliness. the constant longing. the fact that you are always homesick no matter where you are#always just a little bit of an outsider and never fully at home#and dungeon meshi gets that.#edit: cleaned it up a little
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Got busy this weekend and couldnt draw much so today I did this silly thing :3
Something sweet about the Prototype qwq I find it endearing those two would get so happy when the prototype is near while other toys would feel intimidated by them XD I will make more silly doodles about why Zero thinks so high of the Prototype in the future :D
Au by @asamary You should check their stuff :D!
Also Zero chirps when they are very happy (The only one who got to hear them is 1006 till now, Zero is a bit embarrased because he cannot control it but with 1006 he lowers his guard but also acts childish around him too HAHA)
#poppy playtime#catnap#sweet home au#poppy playtime sweet home#prototype#poppy playtime 1006#oc Zero Signal#poppy playtime oc#my art#I wanna put on a comic how zero little by little they managed and healed about their fear of other people and stopped being extremely#dependant of the prototype. like imagine he made chaos is hospitals or any other place cuz he would wake up from nigthmares of being back#and wouldnt be able to differenciate reality from the nightmare and would stop only by shutting himself in a room/closet or the prototype#assured him its okay then while healing the prototype made catnap one of his most loyal followers to met zero since he is very calm and#chill but funnily enough i like to think catnap just went. “im their favorite” and started picking a fight in wich zero got frustrate and#they ended up fighting and making zero come out of his shell a bit (the prototype totally knew it would help probably HAHA)#and catnap being unable to use the gas because kaboom with electricity HAHAH#in the end both got scolded zero should know better cuz oldest of the two and catnap for picking a fight HJAHA#also zero calls him my lord in a non religious way but more in like how a servant would call a duke or nobility kings etc#the prototype collecting kids with trauma like pokemon card
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tag vent
#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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the issue is im trying to reduce how much weed i consume both dosage wise and rate of consumption wise but unfortunately my life is severely painfully boring so every afternoon im like "damn this sucks :/// know what could fix this tho? 🙏"
#im a little afraid i kinda Flowers for Algernon'd my dopamine receptors or shit#icarused or something#because like. i Used to be able to get thru fine and i get thats literally how addictions work but its still not a fun process#ive already decided im gonna use lent as an excuse to detox (hopefully fully) and then try to take it easier after instead of ramping up#my dosage again bc its uh .its Bad folks its like 250mg edibles for me to really feel it#i last indulged sunday and already my brain is like. 'its been A Day where is my treat!!'`#buddy your treat is EXPENSIVE and a hassle to even consume at this level fucking chill out#not that expenses are a major concern for me rn tbh but its the principle#anywayyyy. gonna probably look at the stores online again to appease myself#but no purchasing shit til its on sale. if im truly desperate later tonhight or whatever i have stock still at home#anywya. shoutout to adhd addictive personality UHHHHHHHH
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holiday season sucks
#im chill about it and that's the part that kinda breaks my heart#being home these days feels like a freakshow#sucks worse this time because i actually was so excited to come home this year#and it really hit me like wow. this is just not the place for me#there's just no scenario where i feel good about it. even though i'm chill??#i guess what i mean is like. i'm not tearing myself up over any of it#i could be a lot more sad angry upset etc about it if i wanted but i just don't really mind#and there's a part of me that wishes that i cared more because i deserve to feel safe and welcome with my own family#but instead i just still here like :/ well. i guess this is just how it is.#and i'll spend the rest of my life coming home and feeling like the court jester#and i dont rlly miss it at all.#but its like i have this weird sense of duty. that i should be the best son i can be because i wasn't the daughter they wanted#and i just think of all the things i want to do that i know i'll never do because i have this thought in my mind of *maybe*#if im good enough for long enough then they'll get used to it. but i cant do anything else#i wasted all my rebellion on transitioning and anything further would be over the line#i should be proud of the person that i am and to almost everyone else i am proud#but to them i just feel like. well this is me i guess your disgusting cringefail daughter with mental illness#tryiing to make up for existing. whatever#and thats what the holiday season has become. which sucks.
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im not ready for work drama all week. again.
#logbook#its just. always something.#winter gives us time to fuck around. and by fuck around i mean everybodys running their mouths instead of legs.#i keep failing the social interaction and conversations this month too which isnt helping.#and a tarot reading said that ppl saw me as stupid and underestimated me and then i had a convo that LITERALLY confirmed that. gos.#god*#at leas ti have lunch made and also uh. clean clothes.#and my new hoodies should arrive tmrw which i can then wear this week.#ummmm what else is good tho OH YES some good stuff has been happening at work.#i just feel out of sorts i guess.#but um. gc has been fun<3 i streamed a gsme today and plan to do so some more this week.#if i can figure out how to stream from steam i'll play other games#umm what else. . slowly making my bookshelves look more at home. keeping my suriving plants alive.#looked at places to rent today EWWWW kill me. but oh well.#did NOT finish my resume but i have this week to work on it. its fine. dont touch me.#i'm determined to be good and chill. and normal. and talk to friends and find good things and. yeah.#maybe this week i'll be brave and ask fav coworker if he wants to do smth sometime soon. .
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i think i might actually start stage managing as a side hustle.....for years ive been a last min "we need someone are you free?" call for friends and friends of friends (and now friends of friends of friends) but after enough layers of separation its like. oh. this isn't a favor im doing for someone anymore lol you're actually just hiring me
#it gets muddier esp cause i only take payment like half the time#i dont take money for kids shows (even though those are the WORST) and i dont take money if the program is being hosted by#someone i used to dance with. if theyre jusy performing and thats how the event got my name ill charge#but if its actually a show that my peers (i say this loosely i mean my former peers who decided to do this full time) are bankrolling no way#like i know what you have to pay your dancers i know what your take home is from tix sales and i know how much the venue charges#im not adding another name to the payroll ill chill with a clipboard for a day if i get two meals and some gossip out if it#all this to say. oh this is dumb but all this to say i cant do the yearly night watch read cause i have to hold a clipboard for nine hours
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WOW I FINALLY FINISHED THIS SET. There were a lot of things I wanted to get right for them so I took some extra time but hopefully it was worth it! The guild for this set is Cobalt Heart- a guild with focus on maritime missions, lead by (of course) guildmaster Neptune. There was no other planet I could've picked for his namesake lol. They're the guild I jokingly call the most jockish, but some moreso than others. I really do hope I did all the characters justice, but if you wanna know more about the individual members, it's under the cut as usual!
Name: Neptune
Name Origin: The planet named for the god of the ocean
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 52
Guild rank: Guildmaster
Weapon: Trident
Ethos (Power): Ocean wave (Control over water- stronger with sea water)
Flaw power is based on: Originally based on his overly relaxed go-with-the-flow nature, but since becoming a father and guildmaster he's matured, and his power grew from simple wave control to more powerful control over the ocean's water. Waves aren't always peaceful, but he's become someone who understands their power and the responsibility needed for it.
Notes: If it's unclear, the marks on his chest are meant to be top surgery tattoos, but in cool wave shapes!
Name: Triton
Name Origin: Neptune's moon, aptly named for his son
Pronouns: He/they
Age: 24
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Twin sai
Ethos (Power): Ocean breath (Underwater breathing as well as other aquatic adaptions)
Flaw power is based on: His ardent wanderlust, especially in regards to the ocean. They literally cannot leave it alone despite any possible better reasoning, which is when it becomes a problem.
Notes: Was his other parent a mermaid or did they just do the fish thing on their own? The world may never know.
Name: Otrera
Name Origin: A trojan asteroid named after the queen of the Amazons
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 32
Guild rank: 5 star
Weapon: Brass knickles
Ethos (Power): Preflexes (Hightened reflexes)
Flaw power is based on: Her overly-guarded and cagey nature.
Notes: But her brass knuckles are pink so its quirky when she knocks your teeth out.
Name: Naos
Name Origin: A star whose name means "ship"
Pronouns: He/him
Age: 21
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Modified crutches
Ethos (Power): Helm (He can change the direction of inanimate objects. It's not limited to projectiles, he can change the direction of objects while they're in someone's hand too.)
Flaw power is based on: His avoidant tenancies, especially where more serious responsibility is concerned.
Notes: Honestly? Joined the guild to boost his playboy status.
Name: Aitne
Name Origin: One of Jupiter's moons, named after the personification of Mount Etna, a stratovolcano
Pronouns: They/them
Age: 27
Guild rank: 4 star
Weapon: Spiked gauntlets and armor
Ethos (Power): Molten Core (Lava manipulation)
Flaw power is based on: Their brash and destructive nature.
Notes: Likes all their food to be charred.
Name: Ariel
Name Origin: A moon or Uranus, named after an air spirit!
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 16
Guild rank: 2 star
Weapon: Baton
Ethos (Power): Harmony (Perfect balance on anything)
Flaw power is based on: Her own difficulty maintaining emotional balance under stress
Notes: She's a gymnast! And even though I didn't make the character named "Ariel" a mermaid, you can still see a scale pattern in her leotard!
Name: Maru
Name Origin: A white dwarf whose name means "Sky." It's orbited by the planet Ahra.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Sky walking (She is capable of interacting with air as if it were a tangible object, creating leverage for herself to walk and balance on as if it were solid)
Flaw power is based on: Her somewhat vain tendency to place herself above others
Notes: Complete and utterly confident she's the cooler twin
Name: Ahra
Name Origin: A exoplanet whose name means "Ocean." It orbits the star Maru.
Pronouns: She/her
Age: 18
Guild rank: 3 star
Weapon: Claymore sword
Ethos (Power): Wave riding (Creation and control of tidal waves to ride on, as if she was surfing them with no board. But she does have to be on them.)
Flaw power is based on: Her arrogance and recklessness
Notes: Completely and utterly convinced she's the cooler twin.
Name: Pipoltr/Pip
Name Origin: A star named for "a bright and beautiful butterfly."
Pronouns: Whatever really?
Age: 8
Guild rank: 1 star
Weapon: Giant lollipop
Ethos (Power): None yet!
Flaw power is based on: N/A. This doesn't mean they're flawless, but until their power develops they're really just here to go on fun little adventures.
Notes: This child hangs around with sailors all day long. The words they know....
#finn's ocs#finn's art#oc references#FINALLY POSTING THIS SET#there was a bit of a delay bc i wanted to make sure i got the crutches w naos right#i ended up not making just the crutches a weapon but like. with modifications based on a real self defense item i found#but slightly different for both fantasy reasons and also i think its patented lol#his pose is also based on a real self defense w crutches video that my friend sent me (hiiii thank you for that once more btw <3)#so like hes very much in motion here. thats not how he usually stands w the crutches lol he usually like. uses them as crutches lol#the little trigger on them is what releases and returns the blade in them btw#also as for the rest of the group! i think neptune is absolutely the most fitting of his namesake out of all the guildmasters#i mean they all have aspects of it but he's fully embraced it. despite what i said abt him growing into responsibility and all#hes still such a chill nice guy. just in general. it would take a lot to get him angry (and if you did the sea is NOT peaceful!)#and in a lot of ways triton is like how he was when he was younger. responsibilities dont matter he needs to go to the challengers deep NOW#also the reason i picked twin sai to be his weapon is bc i didnt wanna do a trident twice. even tho like thats kind of the typical motif#but sai are like. also a 3 pronged weapon. so i felt it kept the energy. but smaller and 2 of them#omg speaking of weapons i completely accidentally added a trans flag to ariel's baton design lol. but i left it in why not#i had such a hard time w her colors bc i wanted her to be flashy but also to make the leotard mermaid esque#also for it to not be too revealing. like leda (from the lunar flare set) can have an exposing leotard tutu sure but shes an adult#and i wanted to give ariel more of like an 80s home gym workouts vibe. with the legwarmers and scrunchies lol#and the twins!!! i wanted to make them samey but differeny. in a way i havent done w matching outfits before#bc the actual shapes of the clothes are very different but the colors totally match!#plus the twins are fraternal. i feel like thats obvious what w their different hair colors but there are more subtle things#like slightly different eyes. the height and weight differences arent part of that tho bc that can happen to any twins even identical#otrera i also had a lot of fun with. especially the blonde hair in an emo bang with like a pink sporty outfit#the crown logo references her namesake being a queen too!#she really was fun tho bc shes just no nonsense trusts nothing but her gut. and shes meant to be like an MMA type#aitne was also super fun but a bit tricky to make it clear that their eye is half lidded from the burns and not just like a drawing mistake#but i think i made it clear! its important bc their vision is also impaired on that side#and the burns themselves were most likely an accident on their end. remember they're brash and destructive. even to themself!
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My throaaaat hurts
#would have called out of work this morning but time off blackout because busy season#i can still miss work but i cant use vacation to cover it#and its a rent paycheck#and rent is. 100% of my rent paycheck. so. cant miss any pay on rent paychecks. not an option#i thought i had a fever all day because i would alternate between chills and getting super hot#like need to take off my shirt hot#but i couldnt find my thermometer#swung by the grocery store to buy a new one on the way home and it tells me im 94 degrees#sure jan#hopefully the act of having purchased a new one will make the old one turn up#i also tried to pick up caraway seed and lemon zest for caraway seed cake but the grocery store doesnt sell dried lemon peel anymore?#like at all?#and the only caraway seed option is gourmet organic and $10 for a 2oz jar#i would use a third of the jar for one batch#for reference the old brand that i bought i would use the whole jar and it cost $1.25#so uuuuuuh yeah im not paying that#especially since i looked it up and i can order mccormick caraway seed by the pound for less per oz than i was paying before lmfao#they also made it so that fennel seed is only available in the gourmet organic brand -- $8 for a 1.7oz jar#im not paying that either thats highway robbery prices#i might as well just buy the fancy italian sausage#which is why i started buying fennel seed in the first place. to add to ground pork to make it taste like italian sausage#i bet i can find a better option for that from a known company online too#i dont know what they were thinking doing away with the other brand#it was a local company and it offered lots of options at reasonable prices#now theyve got like. the most basic assortment#oregano. basil. cumin. cinnamon. thyme. rosemary. garlic powder#just as i was starting to experiment with more interesting spices too
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no im still on maffhew calling the forsymaffhew lovechild a missile
#txt#missile#i have also learned ive mispronounced missile all my life at least in american terms#wdym you guys dont say mis-AISLE#the culmination of living in city where we're all 1st/2nd gen immigrants whos primary language at home is not english#anyways male equivalent of rocket... missile#sorry my queer mind can't understand that#my gender is when we played house in 2nd grade i didnt want to play because i had to be mom or dad and i went well im only playing if i get#to be like the family dog and they all got nervous because that felt mean and the teachers would scold them#and i was like nah its fine check this shit out (runs around and barks)#my gender is when the classroom got seperated into boys and girls i staunchly refused and insisted i be in my own group as a joke and#everyone was okay w that because it was the height of lolz so random! and i was the poster child for that so naturally yeah thats#charming and cute yeah tumblr user ratatatastic you can have your own group and that was the class joke and it never felt mean because#it was a small sheltered school and weve all know eo since we were like in daycare#my gender is hey i volunteered at a pride festival and ive always struggled with expressing any sort of femininity and bristled pretty#badly because it gets beat into you and after the pandemic i chilled out a lot after sitting with it and this is all to say#i got partnered with a brazilian guy because i was the only one who spoke spanish on shift at the time and while he spoke 3 languages#(eng esp por) sometimes he struggled with how to say something and changed languages like he was channel surfing which was refreshing#because i do the same thing so it was this weird culmination of both of us code switching heavily and acting as translator for eo anyways#this is all to say when i toddled in no one really knew what to make of me pronoun wise and what he decided to do instead of just ask me#like a normal person he just he/him'd me and then proceed to call me good girl in the exact same sentence and i laughed about it at the time#proceeded to file it at the back of my head for when i got home so i could despondently stare at a wall for 5 hours of what exactly that#entails about me and why it didnt bother me at all and i was like huh the panic never stops thats fun you can just have random revelations#even when youre an old dog in the game at 23 and known your gender fucker wuckery since you were like 12 like oh great#conclusion is that i dont know why god sends me his toughest battles im a crybaby AND a whiner LIKE PICK SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY#anyways hehe missile#sorry we lost the thread here
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tagged by @stillfertile and @oetter mwah <3 <3
List 3 ships you like: 424 (and its branches), 2129, 1053
First ship ever: who up writing gaming youtuber rpf on wattpad in 2015. zeroyalchaos. anyone .
Last song you heard: once in a lifetime by the talking heads . a jrob playlist staple 2 me...
Favorite childhood book: probably the whole sisters grimm series!!!!
Currently reading: nothing rn tbh but hopefully starting "game misconduct: hockey's toxic culture and how to fix it" soon
Currently watching: fantasy high: junior year ! sooooo good
Currently consuming: just an arizona iced tea. a free blueberry muffin moments ago. dropped it though. will never recover.
Currently craving: that fucking blueberry muffin.
Low Pressure Tagging: @saltandpepperbox @icecoldversace @pupuhintz @veryconfusedunlabeledguy @simmyfrobby @stickypucky
no pressure if u don't like doing tag games and apologies if u have already done it/been tagged <3 <3
#it was a pity muffin for kicking us out of our homes for a week but it was GOOD....#also (and its branches) aka. 42455#also also as much as i dont ship them anymore. chilled and ze are still very cool and i occasionally watch their stuff still (^:#tag games
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Now that I'm over 12 hours after the fact. It's a little funny of the universe to take away my braincells and let me burn my fingers so badly I got to give my work a doctor's note saying I'll be out for the weekend. After I complained for the nth time that 5 day weeks aren't good for me and I can't wait til end of summer for it to stop
Blisters under the cut! It's not gorey I just wanted to show what I'm dealing with but it is blisters so
Big ones are circled with thicker lines. Small ones are w smaller lones. The docs note us mostly so I don't risk infection at all, cause he thinks the blisters Will pop (which sounds Awful)
#i didnt update tumblr earlier but in my defense i couldnt and also i went to my joyfriend to chill out with after getting home#i touched a hot pan today with both hands and burnt my fingertips so bad i was crying for like a half hour straight with them under water#my crying was so shocking to my mom (and separately my sister. she doesnt see me cry) that she took me to urgent care woth my fingers in a#cup of ice. cause it got too painful if they werent in water after about a minute and a half#the doc did say it was a really sensitive spot (my FINGERTIPS) so its very painful for mild blisters on four fingertips#that did make me feel better and less like i was being dramatic just to get neosporin and bandaids put on. that and the doctors note#anyway i cant do minecraft but i can draw mostly like normal so this is fine#artfight will go on as normal and actually be more productive since i cant use minecraft to ignore artfight
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Also!!!! I'd never seem this before but BAZAAR THOUGHTS.... aaaaaaaa
It sounds so tired. Sick of being a Courier. Wants a home.
he's lonely :(
I mean yeah. We been knew but. Poor sad crab
the bazaar.... (<- I think this often). Curled up under the blankets shivering... If you're cold they're cold: steal a city
I think this is the only mention of the sun being "cruel, furious, rejecting" about whatever the Bazaar's line-crossing was. I've long thought it was a confession of Love— naming feelings that can never be true, asking the sun for more than it can give. reciprocation.
the bazaar likes breaking into people's basements to steal their snacks: confirmed.
#Mask of the rose spoilers#Fallen london spoilers#Holds back on very long discussion of what I think the sun rejection might be if you want to read it as. No. Wait.#Look the sun Cruel and Furious is like. I think only hard mention of the sun being really upset at the bazaar about the Line#Betwixt us and the Sun is why i think the turning point was a confession of Love. I think they had a... what do people say now Situationshi#The bazaar in LOVE but the sun not expressing it back. The bazaar decides to confess and asks for reciprocation. The Sun grows angry#You can interpret that pretty directly as the sun being an asshole or simply using the bazaar. But it's notable that the Bazaar is fine#Depressed but fine. As in Judgements are NOT merciful chill guys generally and the bazaar crossed a line and lives#The bazaar in fact worked for the sun afterwards totally chill beyond being sad. There's no suggestion of punishment only rejection#That seems to suggest some level of. Something for the bazaar from the sun right. Bc why not kill or erase its mind? But it didn't#Let us note the sun could be simply a dick and move on. Another read: their relationship is forbidden whatever it is#Acknowledging it as love. As real. Makes it real. Correspondence is truth and dictates reality. The Sun confessing would make it more True#And if their relationship is discovered at all the sun bazaar and stone will be put on trial and into some torment nexus#....with the bazaar wanting a home and not to be a courier it also supports my theory the bazaar wants ascension#Sudden wash of sunlight suggests that to me. This does too.#Also yeah I think the sun could have rejected the bazaar and immediately sent a love letter to another star to like. Make a point#SEE. I am a star I can only love stars! You are not a star!! (And then gets rejected immediately)
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