#its the one thing that's kept me pretty much only using tumblr

[civetcider]

tumblr is amazing for me as an artist with a chronic need to post more then one drawing at a time since most other social medias i've used either have an image post limit that is like..4, or they try to crop your drawings all shitty style like instagram, tumblr just lets me post my 8 doodles all at the same time without cropping it to ass and back and that's all i need to be happy, i really wish other platforms would consider stuff like that but they never dooo when tumblr dies for real i'll be pissed

[glowettee]

✧ if i’m so dramatic, why am i always right? ✧

✦ intuition vs gaslighting ✦

hi lovelies, it’s mindy 🌷🕯 i’ve been off tumblr for a few days, things have just been really overwhelming lately, and i needed a little breather. but writing always brings me back to myself. it’s my favorite kind of comfort. the glowettee x pll series has seriously been such a joy to create… every post, every idea, every digital piece for my gumroad has been healing in its own way. this next post is something close to my heart. it’s about gaslighting... something i’ve experienced a lot, especially from people i thought i could trust. it’s such a common thing, but so many of us don’t realize it’s happening until way later. i used to second-guess my intuition constantly because people convinced me i was being “too much.” but every time… my gut was right. so i wanted to write this to help you tell the difference between real intuition and someone twisting it. if you’ve ever felt that quiet confusion or started to doubt yourself after talking to someone, this post is for you. i hope it brings clarity. and softness. and maybe even a little validation if you’ve been there too. - mindy 🤍🩰

sometimes i wonder if girls like us were born with a sixth sense or if we just got so used to being hurt that our bodies evolved. hyper-awareness as a survival trait. intuition as our most sharpened weapon. people love to call it being “dramatic,” but let’s be honest... i was right every time.

𓆩♡𓆪

❝ if you’re so emotional, how come your instincts always come true? ❞ they never have an answer to that, do they?

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ the 'dramatic' girl dilemma

there’s a reason why every group chat has a girl they secretly call “too much.” the one who always has a weird feeling. the one who picks up on tone shifts and changes in energy and tiny inconsistencies like it’s her full-time job. she’s the one who says, “this doesn’t feel right,” and gets labeled a buzzkill. the killjoy. the overthinker.

but i’ll let you in on something i had to learn the hard way: they only call you dramatic when they don’t want you to notice what’s really happening.

girls like us don’t get the luxury of being chill. we’re watching. always. we had to learn to be. we’re the first ones to feel the shift in a friend group dynamic. we clock the fake laugh. the silence in the hallway. the DM left on read. and when we bring it up? “you’re imagining things.”

they say "you're too sensitive" like it's a flaw. like feeling deeply makes you unreliable. but being sensitive never meant being wrong. it just meant you felt the betrayal before it became undeniable.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ trauma turned my gut into a siren

there’s something about growing up being ignored, bullied, overlooked, or manipulated that turns your whole nervous system into a radar. suddenly, you’re the girl who notices everything.

like, i still remember being 14 and realizing that one of my friends always laughed at my jokes in front of boys, but never when it was just us. or how she'd call me pretty but then immediately ask if i was wearing makeup. subtle stuff. stuff that sounds dumb when you say it out loud. stuff that makes people go, “you’re reading too much into it.”

but i wasn’t. i never was. that’s the exhausting part.

emotional intelligence feels like a superpower until it starts to drain you. like being psychic, but without the option to turn it off. you don’t just read the room, you analyze it, archive it, cross-reference it with past data.

i used to hate this part of myself. now i know it kept me alive.

you’re not paranoid. you’re perceptive. there’s a difference.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ you knew, even when it didn’t make sense

sometimes your body knows things before your brain catches up. your heart races before he lies. your stomach drops before the betrayal hits. you get that pit-in-your-stomach feeling and then brush it off, until the truth slaps you a week later.

trust me, i’ve been there. i once had a gut feeling that a friend was turning people against me... but there was no proof. just a weird energy. until one day, someone accidentally sent me a screenshot that wasn’t meant for me. and suddenly the feeling made sense.

they call it “bad vibes.” i call it early intel.

start decoding the patterns:

the too-long pause before answering your question

the “i didn’t mean it like that” when you call it out

the subtle digs framed as compliments

the way people say your name when they think you’re not listening

you noticed for a reason. trust the noticing.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ what gaslighting actually feels like

gaslighting doesn’t always sound like “you’re crazy.” sometimes it sounds like “you’re overreacting,” or “you always assume the worst,” or “why do you make everything a problem?”

but the worst kind of gaslighting is the kind you do to yourself. when you feel the red flags and immediately shut yourself down. when your first instinct is right, but your second thought is “i’m just being dramatic.” that’s emotional self-betrayal. it hurts. a lot.

i once told a guy that something felt off, he’d been cold, weird, distant. he said i was insecure. i said sorry. two weeks later, i found out he’d been seeing someone else the whole time. lesson learned: don’t apologize for what your body already knows.

you can’t logic your way out of a feeling that was never lying to you in the first place.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ intuitive doesn’t mean irrational

“dramatic” is just a word they use to discredit girls who are too emotionally accurate to manipulate.

your feelings are data. emotions are not the opposite of intelligence, they’re the early warning system. they tell you what’s not being said. they tell you what the energy in the room is doing. they tell you the truth before the truth shows its face.

what if you’re not “too much,” what if you’re just always one step ahead?

what if the real problem isn’t that you feel too deeply, but that you feel accurately, and that makes people uncomfortable?

i’m reclaiming the word dramatic. to be dramatic is to see danger before it arrives. to feel something shift before it collapses. to be emotionally clairvoyant. and i think that’s beautiful.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ how to protect your knowing

your intuition deserves protection. here’s how i keep mine sacred:

✧ journal your gut feelings ~ even if they don’t make sense yet. time-stamp them. track patterns. ✧ make a screenshots folder ~ for receipts, subtle shifts, digital clues. memory gaslights too. ✧ create a ‘weird vibes’ note in your phone ~ no explanation needed. if something feels off, log it. ✧ meditate or walk after intense conversations ~ let your body process what your mind can’t yet. ✧ check in with your inner child ~ would 13-year-old you trust this person? she knows. always.

𓆩 ritual for the emotionally haunted 𓆪 › write down a time you were right, but told you were wrong › throw it away, or rip it up › whisper “i trust myself now.” › repeat every time the world tries to confuse you.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

✧ you weren’t crazy, you were correct, and ahead

they’ll tell you you’re crazy until the moment you’re proven right. they’ll call you dramatic until the danger becomes undeniable. they’ll gaslight you until the truth surfaces, and then pretend they never doubted you at all.

the girls who trust themselves become the women no one can lie to. so feel everything. sense everything. believe yourself.

being dramatic is how you survived the world they tried to confuse you in.

and if you’re always the first to notice the danger, maybe it’s not a flaw. maybe it’s your gift. maybe it’s what will save you.

✧ love always, mindy

[venuswarmlight]

I was hoping to request a jealous Mizu x reader, like maybe she sees reader joking around with Tenzin and she gets really jealous. Idk maybe something along those lines ig. Tbh you can do whatever really, I just want some jealous Mizu x reader stuff. Sorry if this sounds too vague😓, Anyway thank you 🩷🖤

I hope I didn’t read this too late! A lot of things happened but what matters now is that I can keep writing. Hope you enjoyed it, i did it femreader bc I assumed you wanted it that way(I ALSO DIDNT FIND A GIF FOR THIS IM SO SORRY itS BEEN MONTHS I DONT USE TUMBLR)

Warnings: nsfw at the end. Not very proofread. Taigen acting like a man in the 1600’s. BAD ENGLISH.

Notes: Reader is an archer. Idk I’ll be adding more

Jealous!Mizu x Fem!Reader.

Having a mercenary girlfriend was the best thing that happened to you, from the first time you two met until now your only work was following her like a puppy through the villages and kicking asses to the ground like the badass you were, and of course the cozy nights were you both trained your fighting skills next to a lake just to end it by making out until her hands were already in your chest, desperate for blowing off some steam. Your life next to Mizu was great, yeah, but thanks to an unfortunate serious of events you weren’t the only ones in a campfire nearby that forest lake. At least for now.

“I’ll see if there’s another rabbit out there.” Mizu got up from the snowy ground, and looked at you. “Scream if Taigen gets too nosy.” She said as she dead-stared at the man sitting next to you.

“I’ll be fine, but thank you.” You smiled at her and went back to polishing your arrows, while Taigen was doing literally anything but looking at you with curiosity.

After a few minutes you finally broke the ice between you and him, your voice as soft as a feather while you spoke “You’re staring, you know that?”

He immediately realized and turned his head to the campfire smoke, loosing himself in the front view. “I’m sorry, I’m just.. Surprised.” He answered later, hesitant.

“Of what?” Your eyebrows furrowed, and you lifted your gaze to look at him, concerned.

“Well, women like you are not usually seen in these conditions.. Much less with a man like him.” His words intrigued you, what did he meant by this? You inhaled deeply as you kept doing your work, finally storing the arrows in their respective case.

“I find myself very comfortable where I am right now, I don’t know what you m-”You were interrupted by Taigen, he turned himself getting in front of you.

“You’re too pretty to be an archer instead of living in an estate with a rich man.”

Oh. So this is what he meant. Your eyes widened and you started laughing, covering your mouth of embarrassment, honestly it was uncomfortable and out of place but you decided to take it as a compliment AND as a dare. Purposely changed the subject to avoid personal questions and scolded him, pushing him playfully. “Hey! My appearance has nothing to do with my abilities.”

Taigen chuckled, not pushing you back but being more confident with his approaching attitude. “I’m just saying the truth, you should-”

“Oh, yeah, that’s enough!” You jumped onto him, making him fall into the snow and taking him by surprise, his head bounced a bit on the ground, disoriented.

“What is wrong with you!?”

“Can’t fight a woman back? You must be shitting your pants right now, what a shame.” You spilled, sarcastically, but that dominance fell when he grabbed your hands placed in his chest and used it as a support to push you to the right, shifting positions, now his body was topping you, his hands immobilizing yours by pressing hard on your upper torso.

“Not bad.. But still not as good as me.” He proudly said, suddenly you kicked his butt with your knee from the back, making him loose his strength in your wrists, you repeated his last movement, ending again in how you started that silly fight, your giggles and laughters filled the forest’s natural sounds, and suddenly you totally forgot that Mizu could come back anytime and find you two in this compromising position.

You and Taigen struggled there for a few minutes, what he thought that would be a stupid kid’s fight turned into a challenge, even if it didn’t look like it, he started recognizing how.. Incredible you were, your smooth but hard blows, the little screams you made when you felt like you were gonna loose, now he understood.

How lucky Mizu was for having a girl like you.

You finished the fight by enlazing your fingers with an iron grip around his neck, and your other hand threatening his face with your fist, but you forgot that Taigen’s hands were still free. He grabbed your waist and managed to make you fall on your back as he stood up from the ground and made you loose your grip on his neck, his legs immobilizing yours and his hands putting your wrists above your head, his uncontrolled breathing crashing against your nose as he laughed. “Defeated.”

Before you could answer, you saw a third person kick Taigen’s body from the side, just in the ribs, making him fall to the ground, almost burning his whole body next to the campfire, you sat up quick and looked at him first, then looked up at your side, a tall figure with a dead bunny grabbed by the ears in front of you, those blue unsettling eyes staring at you with the coldest countenance. You knew right there and then she was mad as hell.

“Training without me?” Mizu got on her knees to the campfire to roast the rabbit, not caring about Taigen’s prolly broken rib (not really). You stood up to clean your clothes and sit next to her, nervous. You weren’t doing anything wrong, but still.

“We were just playing.” You excused yourself, trying to make her look at you, but no. She was ignoring you.

Instead of answering, her gaze turned out to Taigen, who was struggling to recover from that fucking kick that hurt as hell. “You’re getting too comfortable here, aren’t you?” Her tone was noticeably passive-aggressive, her grip on the roasting stick was tightening.

“That wasn’t fucking necessary! Fuck, it hurts..” He yelled, finally sitting a bit far from you two, you could feel the tension building heavier and thicker in the ambiance.

It was so uncomfortable you felt like you had to go. “I’m gonna wash my hands before eating, I won’t be long.” You got up to escape the funeral situation you were just in, but a hand grabbed yours, making you stop, you looked back with concern, Mizu was behind you with that angry gaze, sending shivers down your spine.

“It’s too dark to go alone.” She said, then looked at Taigen “Take care of the dinner, don’t screw it up.” He was about to talk but instantly shut his mouth like he knew if he talked he could end up dead.

You tried to forget her toxic behavior as you two disappeared yourselves into the woods, the moonlight making the path for both, the silence feeding your ‘I’m fucked’ thoughts and increasing more when you felt her grip on your hand tightening, she ended up dragging you to a not so far place, finally letting out your hand. The only thing you could look was her back and her little black bun.

“What was that?” She spat, aggressively turning herself and hoovering over you.

“I told you we were just playing.“You stepped back, but unconventionally bumped with a tree behind you, before you could realize, Mizu had you cornered, your chest rising and falling against hers as she looked down at you.

“It didn’t look like it.” And the jigsaw puzzles connected in your head. She was jealous.

“Are you doing this because you’re-”

”Maybe. Seeing my dove pinned down by a bald monkey it’s not funny.” Her words were sharp, you didn’t even know how to answer.

Your hand gently caressed her cheek, making her gaze softened as she looked at you. “You’re the only one in my heart.” You whispered, dragging her closer to your face, her hands traveling down your curves and grabbing your hips tightly, your heat already increasing its temperature as it mets her knee, rubbing your core tentatively.

“I still want to fuck that pretty smile outta’ you.” Her lips attacked you like an animal, making you whimper and moan against her watery mouth, her knee making you hump on it desperately and your inner thoughts begging for mercy cause’ this night was going to hit you hard and long.

[tomatette]

Chapter 1

Billy doesn’t wake with a start as you might think he would after what happened at the mall. 

The memories are still so very fresh. Pain, first and foremost. Sharp talons digging into the tender meat of his sides, piercing his flesh. His panicked nerves sending lightning strike after lightning strike of pure, unadulterated agony into his thalamus, from where it scattered like wildfire through his brain, sparking every circuit that knew how to scream.

And, oh, scream he did. Until his throat was raw and he could taste black bile on his tongue.

He knew, then, that this would be the end. Had known it from the moment he’d surfaced from the bottomless well he’d kept drowning in whenever the shadow took over, which was pretty much always.

But he just hadn’t been able to stomach the thought of the girl, who had touched his face so tenderly, to die the same gruesome death he’d condemned the others to.

He sees them all the time, it’s like their faces are burned onto the inside of his closed lids. Men, women, children. Every single one he had fed to the shadow. God, there are so many of them. And they are surrounding him, their mouths open in silent screams, their eyes full of fear and rage and hatred, cutting into him sharper than the monster’s claws ever had, tearing him apart.

And right in the front: Heather.

He cannot bear to meet her gaze. She’d been worried about him, and look what it had gained her.

But it’s not an entirely new development, that. All he’s ever done was hurt the people around him. Even before the shadow. Max. Her friends. Harrington.

A whine escapes his throat, tearing the soft tissue on its way out. He squeezes his eyes shut but the tears escape anyway, burning salty trails wetting the hair at his temples.

So no, he doesn’t wake with a start, but slowly, gradually. And, frankly, he thinks he shouldn’t be waking at all. Because by all rights he should be just as dead as them. Still, they are gone and he’s not. So he decides that, no, maybe he really doesn’t deserve to be dead. Death would be too easy. 

The first thing he feels is the sun on his face. Something he had never expected to feel again. A soft breeze caresses his face, slightly cooler where the tear tracks are drying.

Where is he? It can’t be the mall, but he has no recollection of getting out (but he remembers dying, remembers it vividly).

His lashes are clumped, his lids heavy when he tries to open his eyes and squints when painfully bright light drills a direct path into his brain, making his whole head throb and pulse. Bile floods his mouth, bitter and sharp, and he rolls over retching, curling in on himself.

A voice that sounds eerily like his father’s sneers: “Look at you, can’t even die like a man, huh? Spineless pussy.”

It doesn’t hurt like it used to, which, he supposes, is a good thing. And when he finally manages to open his eyes, it’s not Neil he’s seeing, but the gentle, smiling face of his mother.

“M-Mom?”

Soft, golden light surrounds her head like a halo, the wind plays with the sun bleached strands of her hair. It makes her look angelic. Ethereal. 

“My darling boy.” She cups his face, still smiling and his heart swells with emotions he can’t even begin to decipher, when suddenly her eyes turn sharp and her fingers dig into his cheeks, holding him still. “What a grave disappointment you are. Getting rid of you was the best decision I’ve ever made …”

And then she starts to laugh and Billy reels back, eyes wide in terror.

He wakes with a start.

*

I posted the full chapter on Ao3 but for registered users only. Please let me know if you want me to post the full chapter on tumblr too.

[t0paz616]

Part 2- Unedited & posted on AO3

Okay, here's chapter 2's draft! Tumblr is my beta now, have at it with the constructive criticism. I think I've done pretty good with my grammar and minimizing typos, but if you see anything wrong, anything at all, TELL ME.

--------------------------------------

Optimus walked down the hallway, pedesteps echoing. His face was set with a troubled frown. Ratchet was right, they shouldn’t have let such an important and unknowable artifact out of its vault. He blamed himself for the lack of proper security. They knew almost nothing about the Apex Armor, least of all what it was doing now. What little he did know about the relic was information from many millennia ago, before even his time.

His youth in the Iacon Archives with Alpha Trion was spent researching anything and everything he could get his hands on. One such topic was the ancient relics of the past, which he was lucky enough to have shown to him by his mentor. Orion had gazed wonderingly at the Apex Armor on its stand, protected by a force field. Its center light had glittered at him invitingly, much like a Cybertronian optic. 

Thinking back on that moment, Optimus wondered how he hadn’t realized there was more than met the eye with the relic. There was clearly some sort of rudimentary AI within it that had developed beyond control over the course of the war, so much so that it had, for some reason, picked Miko as a favorite. The Armor’s full capabilities and motivations were known only to one mech, its creator: Solus Prime.

Optimus stepped into his berthroom and shut the door. He ignored the cold metal berth and sat on the floor, assuming a meditation position. The Prime took a deep vent in, and exhaled, closing his eyes.

He drew deep within himself, to the place in his coding where he could enter the Matrix and speak with the Primes of old. 

Optimus opened his mind’s eye to face the virtual door that led to the Matrix. It was much larger than him, and shaped just like the glowing blue core of the Matrix of Leadership. He usually kept it closed, though if he was in a situation in which he may need The Primes’ wisdom often he would leave it ajar. 

He cleared his vocalizer. “Solus Prime, I have need of your aid.” The door shuddered, but remained shut. A beat passed. So she was being obstinate today. “Solus.”

The door shuddered another time, giving off the peculiar sensation that it was… wincing. A click sounded from the door, and it creaked a few inches open. A voice trailed from within. “...Optimus, you’re gonna be so mad at me.”

The living Prime rolled his optics. “Solus, if it’s really that terrible, then it is better to get the ordeal over with now rather than later, when I am out of patience.” Fragging older siblings. Always so reluctant to get to the point. Especially Solus, she was the one who teased the most out of the whole lot. 

“Nnngh, fine.” The door swung open the rest of the way, nearly clipping Optimus in the face. The purple and yellow bot stepped out of the mindscape Matrix, giggles and cheers of good luck echoing out behind her from the other twelve. Optimus’ spark filled with a sudden, ominous dread. It felt like things were about to take a nosedive.

Solus pushed him aside so they were away from the door. “Let’s go over here for the story.” She conjured two chairs and a small table full of cute little energon treats they couldn’t actually eat. The Primes sat down. 

The younger Prime fixed the elder with a stern glare. “I need to know all about the Apex Armor, how it is able to function for organics, and how my team and I can fix the apparent glitch it is suffering.”

Solus Prime fidgeted in her seat. “...Before you can get the answers to your questions, I need to start with why I made it.” The older Prime stood up, walked a few paces away, and stopped, turning to face him again. Her chair vanished.

“As you know, the Age of Expansion was during about the latter half of my life. Seven of us Thirteen Primes, Prima, Alpha Trion, Vector, Nexus, Liege Maximo, Nova, and Zeta stayed on Cybertron to rule it, while me, Onyx, Alchemist, Quintus, Micronus, and Megatronus split up and explored the universe with all who wanted to join us. I traveled with Onyx, and we and our teams explored millions, even billions of worlds across the galaxies.

“Most of them were barren and devoid of life, but a small percentage of them did have life! Microbial, mostly, but an even smaller percentage of the life we found was intelligent. One such world that is relevant to my story was called Akode. On it lived this small, beautiful species–” Solus projected an image from her memory of several members of a bipedal organic lifeform about a quarter of the height of the average Cybertronian with long, upright ears and thick, bulky bodies, possessing a color palette consisting of various shades of gray and colorful accents. They had short muzzles, fur of varied length spread over their bodies, and long, whiplike tails with a tuft at the end.

The elder Prime vanished all of the conjured organics but one– a smaller member of the species covered in a bluish gray color with icy blue accents. They had a gentle expression on their face, and their entire demeanor seemed to be full of kindness. Solus’ eyes locked on them, and her face softened with a kind of sad, wistful affection.

“This is Apex,” the Prime murmured. Optimus jolted, realization flashing through his processor like a lightning bolt.

“You loved them,” he rumbled. His eyes moved across the frozen projection standing in between him and Solus. The ears were the same shape as the finials on the Apex Armor. The accents on the Armor mirrored the stripes on Apex’s arms, legs, and chest in size, color, and shape. Even the placement of the plating seemed to be taken directly from Apex’s fur ruffles. “What happened to them?”

Solus smiled weakly. “The Akodi’s world was torn apart in a long and bloody civil war, just like our kind is now. One side ruled by a greedy, territory seeking warlord. The other side consisted of all the people who refused to be stepped on by the conquerors. Apex was a high-ranking general on the good side. They might as well have been the leader of the entire faction with how much the higher-ups went to them for guidance. Their kindness was known throughout the entire military of their faction, and they were well protected. By both me and the armies under their command.”

The older Prime sat down on the floor of the void, still staring at Apex. She rested her head on her hands. “Any of their subordinates would have taken a blaster shot for them.” Solus laughed. “Not that any of them would have to, given that I participated in every battle Apex did and made sure they made it out the other side in one piece.” Her face fell. “Any of their subordinates but five.”

Solus moved the projection of Apex to her side with a wave of her hand, and conjured five more Akodi figures. These ones were immediately quite different from Apex. Three of them were unusually large for their species, with red, orange, and dark green markings respectively. Likely heavy hitters in battle. The last two were identical, probably twins, and shared violently bright yellow-green markings. They were small, and rather skinny. Their expressions were shrewd, with sharp eyes and toothy grins.

“Those twins were the ringleaders of the whole thing. Spies, sent from the conquerors to destabilize Apex’s faction. I had always thought they were suspicious, but I had thought it was nothing more than my own paranoia and overprotectiveness of Apex.” Here Solus paused, grinding her teeth. 

“But then there was one battle. One battle that I wasn’t at, Prima had called me to Cybertron for a meeting.

“During that one battle, the twins crept up behind Apex while they were in the midst of a brutal fight with the warlord. Together, they drove their blades into Apex’s back. The other three came forward and began beating Apex while they were down on the ground. The warlord stood and watched with glee as his greatest enemy was destroyed.

“Coward,” Solus muttered, face dark. “Couldn’t even do it himself, made his lackeys do it for him–” She broke off. A beat of silence passed.

“Anyways,” Solus continued, “They didn’t last long after that. All those under Apex were sent into a rage at what they had just seen. All of them immediately abandoned their fights to swarm the twins, the three, and the warlord. Our enemies were captured and executed at once, at the cost of my beloved. They were rushed to a hospital immediately, where their wounds were stabilized as best as they could be. I was sent a message that told me that Apex had been grievously injured in battle, and that I needed to return at once.”

Solus Prime conjured a chair again, and sat down heavily. “I made my ship go as fast as it could fly. Onyx followed me. I got into the hospital, crouched down beside their bed for hours. At last my Love awoke. They turned their head towards me, smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you’re here, Solus.’ And then they died with their eyes still open. Looking at me. Smiling.”

Optimus gaped in horror. “...Solus, I am so very sorry you had to go through such a tremendous loss.” He stood up and walked towards her. He stopped just in front of her chair and extended his arms. Solus looked up at him, trembling slightly. She stood and threw herself into his arms. The younger Prime closed his arms around his fellow Prime, encasing her in a tight, protective hug.

It lasted for several seconds before Solus began to pull away. Optimus unfolded his arms from around her. They took their seats again.

“I know organics don’t live as long as we do,” Solus wiped her optics with the back of her hand. “But I thought that if I had been there to be their shield, their armor…” She paused meaningfully, and Optimus bowed his head in understanding. “...Then maybe I would have gotten more time with them.”

“Apex is the inspiration for the Apex Armor?” Optimus questioned. Solus nodded.

“I made the Armor specifically for organics. I only added the ability to recognize Cybertronians as an afterthought. Onyx suggested it, they thought Prima might suspect something was off about all of this more than she already did, and hiding the fact that it was meant for organics was a good idea.”

Solus leaned forward, rattling her plating a few times as if shaking the sad memories off, and rested her forearms on her open thighs. “I coded the Apex Armor’s AI to activate the Armor around a Cybertronian, but nothing more. We’re already metal,” she knocked on her virtual chest, “so we don’t really need much more protection.”

The elder Prime looked to the side and made an embarrassed expression. “Now, before I continue and you inevitably get mad at me, just keep in mind that I was absolutely sick with grief and wasn’t in my right mind at all.”

Optimus nodded, sympathetic. “Go on, then.”

Solus took a deep inhale. “As you know from experience dealing with the Apex Armor, it is completely unbreakable. Unmeltable, impervious to all harm. The person inside wouldn’t break a sweat even if they were taking a bath in fresh magma. I used my Forge to ensure this would remain so for all eternity.

“How the Armor imprints onto organics is a long process. The very first time an organic individual uses the Armor, it subtly takes a sample of their DNA and saves it. This is to help identify potential candidates for bonding. If that individual returns for more uses, the Armor moves their sample up in the priority queue and prepares for the next steps. With consistent usage, one organic individual will become the only one able to use the Armor. If the organic dies outside of the armor before it’s too late, then the bond with the Armor is broken and it becomes usable to others again.”

The dead Prime fidgeted. Optimus raised a single eyebrow. “‘Before it’s too late’?”

Solus grimaced. “So you know how earlier you called what was happening to Miko a ‘glitch’?”

Optimus’ spark sank. “...Yes.”

Solus folded in half and dropped her head between her knees, placing her hands on her helm. “It’s not a glitch,” came her voice from out of view. “It’s the next step. The Apex Armor is physically bonding with her. She can’t leave now.”

Optimus stared, mouth ajar, at Solus. He didn’t say anything for a long moment.

“...Why,” he began, “Would you ever add such a feature?!” He stood and began to pace, a panicked expression on his normally stoic face. “What am I going to tell her? Is she ever going to be able to go into public again? What about when she needs to expel waste products? Or eat?! How long will she be able to open the visor? This is the worst thing that could possibly happen to her!”

“Incorrect,” Came Solus’ stern voice. Optimus abruptly stopped moving and turned to face her. Solus’ expression was angry. “I told you that I wasn’t in my right mind! The twisted logic my grief-stricken processor was using said that with this Armor, with this bonding process, any organic warrior I or any other Cybertronian befriended in the future would be protected! No harm would come to them ever again!”

Her expression changed to one of pleading desperation. “All isn’t lost, Optimus! Miko’s not going to die in the Armor. She won’t die at all.” 

-----------------

Ooh, cliffhanger! Let me know what you think! Oh, by the way, I'm just pulling lore out of my ass with this, I haven't read the books associated with TFP.

Also! I have genderbent eight out of the thirteen Primes! I found it irritating that Solus is the only lady in the Primes, so I added some more girls and non-binary Primes.

Here is the list of pronouns:

Prima- she/her

Alpha Trion- he/him

Vector- they/them

Nova- she/her

Nexus- he/him

Liege Maximo- they/them

Solus- she/her

Zeta- he/him

Onyx- they/them

Micronus- she/her

Megatronus- he/him

Quintus- they/them

Alchemist- they/them

---------------------------------

Masterpost

Part 1 <- -> Part 3

[gorgeouslypink]

hey pink!

i was hoping you could offer some encouragement and advice to me. basically the entire luckyvoidgirl thing yesterday, i acctually liked her success story, it made sense to me and i even listened to cee's subliminal and my parents ended up saying i don't have to go to this dumb event i was dreading so im even seeing successes with it

the thing was she said something that i can't stop thinking about. she said that a lot of tumblr is just misinformation and that the original blog that brought the void to tumblr was divineangelbee and she was exposed for lying about the void. everyone just copied whatever she said and kept spreading the same stuff she put out but her own experience was all a lie. it really got me thinking about how educated this community is about loa, like the void state and loa is so intertwined. luckyvoidgirl never said she used loa and she did something different but she got so much flack bc the void community on tumblr is so deeprooted in loa, possibly bc of angel. but anyways for a community that is so deeprooted in loa, so many people haven't entered and even worse, so many bloggers have been exposed for lying about their success story. the crazy thing is its so easy to lie on tumblr so the fact that so many have gotten caught makes me wonder how many we haven't even caught and really how does a community that knows loa struggle like this.

idk i just can't stop thinking about this and was hoping for some guidance.

hey love! im technically on break but you're not the only one spiraling so i rlly wanted to answer this.

first of all, i want to say she's just lying and this community is great but i can't. the truth of the matter is she is right. the person who brought the void to tumblr was @divineangelbee and she was the one who went around saying it was super easy and anyone can do it and she was and is still pretty much the blueprint for how a lot of voidstate tumblr thinks, but she was exposed for harassing her friends to enter the void for her. since then, many other bloggers who basically parrot the same thing as her have been exposed as well.

however i want to highlight something here. just because someone preaches something and it doesn't work out for them doesn't mean it's false. this is a super old argument, like back when bloggers like cleo and raven were super popular but people were arguing abt Sammy Ingram. basically she was a big affirm and persist girlie and people were going at her for saying this but never losing any weight (her main goal with manifestation was to lose weight but she never did and just gaslighted anyone who pointed it out, saying they were bodyshaming her). while something was off for sammy (maybe she didn't persist or maybe she just didn't bother doing her method at all), her method worked for so many people. there's boatloads and boatloads of success stories from her videos and methods. so someone can be lying about the void and still be giving legit advice.

however, the void state community on tumblr DOES have a lot of misinformation. ive seen people claim the void state is just SATS, just alpha state, theta state, delta state, it's acc just a placebo for you to guarantee manifestations, and all sorts of nonsense. now there's a new addition, people who tell you to pay money and they'll get you into the void state. it's honestly crazy how hard the community went against the luckyvoidgirl but not some of the other stuff i see here.

but anyways, what do you do?

you need to realize that you entering the void has nothing to do with the state of the void community on tumblr. people lying abt entering the void doesnt make the void a lie, it makes them a liar.

ive been in that position where i hailed bloggers and felt attached to this community so drama here messed with me internally. you shouldn't be doing that. please read my Doubts post where i talk about overcoming this and also provide many sources of proof that the void is real so that you don't need to rely on tumblr to know that:

also it helps to find a few reputable sources. i just wanted to give a shout out to someone rn: @voidprincessblog

her page is the page i would recommend to everyone. you can tell the amount of research and effort she puts into every post and you can trust her to be a reputable source on info.

im going to attach this other post of mine for you as well:

i wish you the best of luck on your void journey and hope this helps! 💟

[quiet-cabin]

Omamori PostMortem!

Here it is folks! The final Omamori devlog 🥹. In it we'll be taking a look at how everything began, some of the ups and downs we had along the way, including some looks at behind the scenes work, and finally, what's next for the studio!

I'm going to try something a little different here. Normally I link back to the devlog on itch so you can read it there, but I'm wondering if people might be more inclined to read the full thing if they don't have to leave to another tab lol (Although I also worry that tumblr just isn't really great for really long post reading..) But! I shall put the choice in your hands. Here's the link to it on itch.io! Or you can click the read more below to see it here!

I'd be really interested to know what Y'ALL are interested in seeing next 👀

Hello everyone!!

It’s been one month since Omamori released which sounds incredibly fake but here we are! As of posting this, Omamori is sitting at 454 downloads!! Which is really, REALLY exciting and so much more than I ever thought to hope for. Thank you so much!

Today we’re going to be talking a little bit about the process, how things went, what we learned, and what’s next! This is going to be a bit of a longer post but some of you have been with us since the very beginning, and it might be nice to look back, and some of you are new, and have no idea how it all went!

HOW IT STARTED

(The original mock up I made to help Rob visualize what I was thinking for the main menu screen.)

In the beginning of April 2023 I started telling Rob about a 'totally not real' idea I had for a serirei dating sim. It was very much in the 'haha jk wouldn't that be fun, but it'll totally never happen' category. Then I thought, since it won't ever happen, it could be fun to do a little mock-up. Just a fake screenshot of a character and some dialogue. Then I thought, maybe I could try to animate it to show some additional dialogue. THEN I thought, well if I'm going to do all of that, I might as well just put together a slice in a game engine and just do a screen recording.

So I sat down and installed an entire game engine, learned how to navigate its interface and how to use its visual scripting language, how to create & use variables so that you could enter your character name, how to put in a dialogue choice screen, even made a tiny pixel art takoyaki... all to create a 20 second screen recording of a game that was totally not going to exist.

Totally.

I even shared it on Tumblr! It uh, as of typing this, still only has 3 notes lol. You can see the original post here, but here's a screenshot of it.

I won't lie, it was actually really disheartening to see basically no engagement with it. I know there wasn't much info on the concept itself, since the game wasn't going to be real (I thought), and maybe that would have helped, but it definitely did a blow to the ol' self esteem. (Although I can say, looking at it now, I really like this! I'm really insecure about my visual art and style, but y'know what, this is pretty cool! )

I didn't let that deter me though. I was really excited about this game and the story, and at the end of the day, it was a silly little project with my silly little blorbos. So I kept thinking about it and poking the idea and pretty soon the fixation was churning full blast. I was developing the plot, I had snippets of dialogue in mind, I was thinking about GUI elements. And all the while I was yelling all of this at Rob. Eventually I worked up the courage to ask him if he wanted to do the art, only to discover he was working up the nerve to ask if he could help out! After that, it was just a lot of excited yelling about this project.

Looking back at this original mock-up, I think it's really great to see how Rob took my original concepts for layout and design and breathed some actual life into them. At some point I'd done some additional iterations on the dialogue boxes:

And from there we got:

Which ultimately gave us:

HOW IT WENT

There were definitely some ups and down on this, for sure. Getting the demo out was a huge accomplishment and we were both eager to just keep working on it. In fact, the original plan, after releasing the demo October 2023, had been to release the full game by the coming March, for Serizawa's birthday. Ambitious? Without a doubt lol. Obviously that didn't happen, and our next hope was to release it for Reigen's birthday 2024. This way it'd be full circle. Then we hoped to release it for Valentine's day maybe. (This is why we didn't announce a release date until it was well and truly DONE.)

Some of you may remember that Rob injured his hand in early 2024 and so we took quite a bit of time off to let him heal. We're not about that crunch life. Even if this wasn't entirely a passion project, there's absolutely no reason to crunch. So we took a step back so he could heal up. While that was happening.. we had the Great Engine Switch.

The demo for Omamori was originally made in GDevelop. An open-source, no-code engine. And it worked great for the demo! But once I started adding in features that people would come to expect in a visual novel, like saving and loading, or a history of the text, things got a little more complicated. It reached a point where I was essentially building a visual novel engine within the Gdevelop engine. Which, while incredibly fascinating and a great mental challenge, wasn't exactly the best use of my time. Not when there are engines specifically made for creating visual novels, like Ren'py. Which has things like saving & loading, dialogue history, text size options and dyslexic font options, all ready to go out of the box. So, I changed engines.

Changing engines was a long process, partly because it took me some time to finally come to terms with the fact that I just needed to do it, and partly because while some things did come out of the box, I did still have to re-do other things all over again, like entering all of the dialogue and choice options for the prologue and part of chapter one that was used for the demo. I was also learning a whole new engine, which isn't no-code (although it IS really streamlined), and I had to find my way around.

We had a lot of plans for some things that ultimately had to get cut. Early on we planned to have more splash screen images for pivotal moments, which would also be accessible from a Gallery page on the main menu. We even toyed with the idea of reaching out to other artists in the community to see if they would be interested in doing guest art to be featured in the gallery! But as we made progress we had to decide what was essential to the game, to telling the story, and what was a Nice To Have. Learning how to nip that scope creep early is an essential skill in gamedev!

Still, all things considered, as a team of two people we made an entire game in only two years, even with the obstacles we faced. And I think that's pretty damn impressive.

Q&A

What was your favorite part?

ROB:

Getting to work on a passion project with Jace! Getting to see this through to the end with them was very rewarding. Like, did you know you can just make cool things with your friends?? It's awesome and makes for a unique blend of cheerleading, flexing, and teamwork. Definitely recommended.

For the art, I got a kick out of trying to develop a visual identity that was as much our own game as it was a Mob Psycho fangame. The first season opening sequence was my main touchpoint. This poster was a source of inspiration too, notably for the paper cut out look for the sprites. It was fun and a nice way to appreciate the series from a different perspective.

JACE:

This is actually a tough one lol! Part of what I love about being an indie dev are all the different roles you play. Jumping from writing to programming to creating mockups to resource sourcing for background music or sound effects, I think that's the part I enjoy most. It's hard to get bored when you're wearing so many hats and that really appeals to me.

If I had to pick a favorite part, I would say sharing the original drafts of the script with Rob and getting to see his reactions to Reigen's impressive levels of fumbling was a lot of fun. Also, figuring out a piece of code that had me stumped for days is nothing short of euphoric.

What was the most challenging?

ROB:

Mostly mental hurdles. Like, accepting that “good enough” IS actually good enough was sometimes a challenge. On top of wanting to tweak old sprites (we started this two years ago after all!) I had wanted to make more splash art and character poses, and add silly details like giving the face on Reigen’s pj outfit different expressions. But as it turns out, if you want to finish something then at some point you have to stop working on it. Great lessons for battling perfectionism.

JACE:

Changing engines and learning an entire new one was definitely a challenge. I'd dabbled with Ren'py before so I wasn't completely in the dark, but I hadn't done more than dialogue and some choices. With this I had to learn how to navigate Ren'py's screen language so I could build my own screens, I had to learn how to create and manipulate variables in the engine, I watched a LOT of youtube tutorials and got real familiar with the Ren'py subreddit lol.

Something that was really, really challenging for me was learning, and re-learning, how to start. I would work on the game for weeks and be doing great, really have a nice groove, and then Life would happen and  I wouldn't touch it for a little while and suddenly the thought of opening up the code was terrifying. I was convinced I couldn't do it, I had no idea what I was doing, and that I was going to get stuck. And it got harder and harder to just start. Even when all signs pointed to that I maybe DO know what I'm doing!

What helped a lot was that I kept a mini-devlog. Every day that I did gamedev work I journaled about what I worked on, how long I spent on it, and what my next steps were. This helped in SO many ways. For one, it was just really nice to see a calendar view of my productivity. Time is fake and its easy for me to think I haven't been productive "enough". Then I look at my calendar and see this:

Not every month looked like this of course. There's a couple where it's pretty damn barren. But that's where the other data points came to help. It was really helpful to see how long I worked on something as well.  For example:

It took me literally twenty minutes to create all of the idle and hover images for the icons on the corkboard. I remember I did this quickly before running out to work. And this became a point of constant reference for me. Every time I felt myself getting caught in the swirl of, I can't do this, opening the engine feels scary and overwhelming, or I only have .. two hours... three hours... before I have to go to work or go to an appointment or go to bed, what could I get done in that time, I would think of how much I got done in just twenty minutes. Because ultimately, any time spent on the project is productive! But having these little reminders helped a lot. And each mini devlog also had a section for my reflections and what I hoped to work on next. So if it was a few days, or a month or two, before I was able to get back to it, I could reread the most recent devlog to see what Past Me was planning to do!

What might you do differently?

ROB:

Oh man. Organization. I frequently moved the working files between tablet and desktop and ended up with duplicates all over the place. It was a pain after we came back from that long break for my hand injury because I had different expressions and sprites spread over a mess of nearly identical files.

The worst part is this was not the first or last time this happened. Why? Don't live like me.

JACE:

Well, if we're talking about Omamori specifically, knowing what I know now, I'd of course just start working in Ren'py from the start. I'd had the thought that I could learn one engine (to rule them all). Because I have ideas and plans for other games, and had hoped to find one engine that could do everything, and I wouldn't have to jump around, potentially learning a bunch of different coding languages. But, there's something to be said for using the right tool for the job, and in this case it was definitely Ren'py.

If we're talking about future projects and what I might do differently, that's a toughie. I think every project is going to require different set up and preparation. If I were to do another visual novel, I think I'd start tackling any special screens or gameplay mechanics as early as possible. Writing is one of my strengths and I know I can do that. And I'm familiar enough with the engine that I know entering in my writing and dialogue is pretty straightforward. But making those custom screens and troubleshooting them always takes much longer than I think it will.

In terms of organization, I have a Notion template I created for my game projects, and Omamori largely served as the trial run for what I would and wouldn't need. The mini devlog calendar is absolutely a keeper. But the way I organized the programming vs writing task lists definitely got reworked in the final month of Omamori, and I've already started updating my template and other already existing projects to reflect the new workflow!

I think with every new project I'm going to do things a little differently and, for me, that's part of the fun!

Do you think you'd work on a game again?

ROB:

Yes! I'm currently taking time off from commission work, but I really enjoy creative collaboration in general, so I would definitely work on a game again in the future.

JACE:

Oh honey, I already am 😏.

What's next for you?

ROB:

I’m looking forward to diving in to some original work this summer. Not sure where it will take me yet, but I've been itching to get back into making comics, so that might be next! If you'd like to keep up with my work, I update my Tumblr most frequently.

JACE:

I'm so glad you asked! While Rob moves toward exploring comics, Quiet Cabin is also going to shift gears. I'm going to focus on games with original characters and stories. I don't have any plans to make another fangame but I do have a LOT of other ideas! (Some of which were hinted at in Omamori 👀 .)

So what can you expect? Stylistically, I've always had a love for pixel art so there will be some of that going forward. Depending on the project I might seek out another artist to collaborate with for things like backgrounds or character sprites, especially if I do another visual novel. So if you're an artist and have read this far and would be interested in collaborating on a future project, definitely reach out! I have a lot of ideas, a lot of different vibes and genres, so don't worry if your style is different from what you see in Omamori! And who knows, I'm finally reaching a point where I'm happier with my artistic abilities so maybe for one of these projects I'll attempt the art myself!

As far as genres go, I've got more romance, some horror, some fantasy, maybe some monsters you can date.. 👀

I know we all came here for the blorbos but I truly hope you'll stick around for my next projects, I've already started writing one of them and I'm really excited about it!

Up-Coming Projects include (in no particular order):

Garage Sale Skull: A short, in-browser text game where you find a weird skull at a garage sale. It’s fine, it’s not real, it’s just some weird art project. …right? (Romance with a sprinkle of horror.)

Untitled Dating Sim(?): A visual novel dating sim. Maybe. The dating part is up in the air. It's VERY fresh conceptually and I'm still ironing things out so I don't want to say too much but I will say: time loops. Sorry. Wait. Maybe you didn't hear me. Time 👏🏾 Loop 👏🏾 Visual Novel👏🏾

Apartment 102 : There is something wrong with your apartment.. A very short top-down pixel horror game.

Reyna's Remedies: As a young potion and remedy maker, you open up a new shop on the side of a busy road in the kingdom. There's a lot going on, there's a monster in the Deep Woods, a monster the Princess went missing trying to hunt, there's a constant flow of adventurers in need of healing potions and everyday townspeople with mundane needs. With the help of your animal assistant, you have one month to raise enough money to secure another month of rent, to prove you can do this, and in the process help the different people that knock on your door. (A time & resource management game with an overarching plot. Queer romance with a bit of horror.)

My hope is to release Garage Sale Skull this summer. Untitled Dating Sim(?) is new and uncooked, but rattling around my head pretty loudly. Meanwhile Reyna's Remedies and Apt 102 are games I've been brainstorming on for literally years..  Either way, there are two more steam next fests this year and I'd really love to submit a demo for ✨ something ✨for at least one of them. We'll see!

Once a new project launches I will of course be posting devlogs here on its project page. I'll also be sharing quick updates & general gamedev thoughts on ko-fi, bsky, and tumblr. At the end of the day I'm still just one person, and I may forget to crosspost to a platform, but itch.io will always be the first place to get updates. I'm also considering making video devlogs in the future that will showcase more art and gameplay, especially as I shift toward games that have more action, so you can also follow the YouTube channel!

Again, I cannot thank everyone enough for their continued support and enthusiasm!! I'm really grateful to Rob for jumping into the abyss with me on this one. The game wouldn't be what it is without his help! All the cheerleading from followers as we worked on it and now, all of the comments about how the game has touched or inspired folks has been so, so amazing to hear. Thank you everyone!!

Finally, one last Ekubo for the road.

Thank you everyone, see you next time!

[arcane-vagabond]

Hey.

Go ahead and get settled because this will be...long, in true Liz fashion.

So, by now I'm sure most of you have heard what's happened. If not, you can search this blog for some answers or others for more.

I joined this fandom offiicially at the end of September after being a long time lurker. I had just lost my job and times were uncertain for me. I felt inspired to write, and as someone whose formative years were shaped by the fandom experience, I wanted to feel that sense of belonging again - to feel like a part of a community. I've talked about it on here before, but I started my fandom days in the original Hunger Games fandom when the first movie had just come out, and then I shifted gears towards the SuperWhoLock fandom. If you know anything about SuperWhoLock, then you know you had to have pretty tough fucking skin to be a part of any of it.

Of course, this was back in the day when fandom was an actual community and not authors having to beg for scraps of engagement and people thinking its a numbers game. I was a fairly large blog within the SuperWhoLock community (Waywardly-Carrying-On was the username), but I left fandom for a few years because life got hectic and I felt like I had outgrown the fandom itself as I was no longer watching any of the shows. As the years went on, I started to yearn for the fandom experience again, which is how I found myself dipping toes into several different ones.

I was so excited to publish my first fanfic. I had convinced myself that I wasn't a good writer (much to the chagrin of my irl friends), and I had put a pause on writing my original story. I wanted to write this idea about a cowboy and a girl using characters that I had grown to love like I did way back in my older days. So, I started posting, and I was so excited for the story, that I kept posting almost daily. MamaMay was one of the first people to embrace not only my story, but me as a person into the fandom. She made me feel welcomed and wanted.

Pretty much right off the bat I was already getting anons telling me that I was being too much and that I needed to calm down with all the posting. I was confused because...this is Tumblr. It's literally a blogging website? Why wouldn't I post? I decided to ignore the mean words (not before giving my opinion, of course) and kept on doing my thing. Well, the anons got continually worse and worse. I had a suspiscion as to who the anons could be, but I never had concrete proof. So, I experimented with blocking suspects until finally it worked. I'm not naming names because that's not my style, so don't even bother asking.

The fact of the matter is, some of you have entered fandom spaces for the first time, and you don't know how to act. You don't care to learn fandom etiquette as you've made abundantly clear by calling fandom olds every name under the sun while utilizing the anonymous feature. Newsflash, you're part of the problem. You're the reason why authors don't want to publish anymore. You are the reason that something that's supposed to be fun is starting to feel like a goddamn chore.

How many times can authors on here say that we aren't machines? We have lives outside of this website: family, friends, jobs, school, etc. Some of you really are just hellbent on making everyone around you miserable, and it's sad. You can't just leave well enough alone and let people enjoy something, no you feel like everyone has to enjoy it the same way as you.

Some of you go after authors on here because of some weird sense of jealousy too. I don't know why my shit blew up, babe, I really don't. But I started out with no followers and no support just like everyone else. I'll tell you what helped me though: following fandom etiquette and reaching out to other creators to build an actual community. None of this "I've reblogged three of your things and now I'm messaging you so that you return the favor." No, I reached out to make actual friendships which is what fandom is SUPPOSED to be. If someone was clearly not interested, it was fine!! I backed off and kept doing my own thing.

Some of you think being mean on the internet makes you big and bad. Guess what! It doesn't! It's loser mentality and I feel genuinely sorry for you. I'm sorry that people in your own life made you feel so small as to feel like you had to lash out at strangers on the internet who are just trying to have fun.

Anyway, this is my really long way of saying that I am taking a break for a little bit. I have no idea how long it will be - could be the weekend, could be a couple of weeks, could be forever. I need time to decide if this is something I want to keep persuing. If I come back, I don't know if I will remain a TGM blog or if I'll shift gears and hop into another fandom with a rebrand. Guess we'll just have to see.

To the people on here who have been a constant source of joy, laughter, and support: thank you. From the bottom of my heart. Your presence has meant everything to me, and I hope that my break sees me wanting to come back and giggle about the silly plane movie with you all again.

Nothing but love,

Liz 💛

[jevilowo]

TEAM ASCENDED FORTRESS 2

An AU by me in which the mercs ascend to their ultimate forms

Oh God tumblr wrecked the quality-

More about the AU under the cut!

WOKE SCOUT: she started taking estrogen and instead of fixing her it made her worse. She gets into fights on twitter about neopronouns and has successfully cancelled everyone she doesn't like at least once. However, as cancel culture isn't real, this only lasted about three seconds for each. She managed to pull Ms Pauling also which is pretty cool.

SOLDIERSUNE MIKU: the ghost of Shakespearicles told him to dress as Miku and redo the salem witch trials. Only knowing one witch (Merasmus), he finished this quickly and now roams the country with Zhanna (who is now Zhannagane Miku after Mikus metal counterpart) spreading malice and wonder through the power of AMERICAN SONG COVERS. He uses a wig for the Miku effect, but is working on growing his hair out also.

MITOSIS: Pyro and Engie were shagging one time and they came so hard they did mitosis. Now theres 23 babey Pyros (count em) and Engineer is a single dad. There's a lot of Pyro Mitosis Lore™ in my head, but the basics are that they evolve into either humanoid, beastial, demonic or celestial Pyros eventually.

TAVISH, KING OF THE LOCH NESS: he did it he blew up that bloody sea monster and now he is king of Loch Ness. The self loathing has died down a lot which is great for him but his body is still a scrumpty distillery which is eh. Still, he has funky water powers and his partners Soldiersune and Zhannagane come to visit often.

KEEPER OF TIME AND SPACE GUY: Heavy was mad, he knew he'd been had so he shot at the sun with a gun. Instead of being a show off like that bitch Juno, he had a nice philosophical conversation and chess match with Time and impressed Time so much he was appointed as the guardian of Time and Time's partner, Space. His guns (the six angel thingies pictured) can turn into celestial weapons which helps in the protecting but people don't shoot at the sun so often so its a relaxing enough gig really.

GODDAMMIT ENGIE: after realising how much more efficient Gunslinger was than a lame ass human hand, Engie succumbed to his hubris and eventually replaced all his body parts with robot parts. Including his dick which led to the Mitosis Incident. Anyway. His chest is a dispenser which makes projects pretty convenient and he has a mini-sentry attached to each arm and leg, making him a walking weapon. This did not help with the god complex, but it helps with the single father thing.

THE INFERNAL DOCTOR: Medic kept attaching more souls to his own and selling them to Satan for power. Satan got so sick of this eventually he attempted to beat the shit out of Medic. By now Medic was slightly more powerful than Satan so this ended with Medic absorbing Satan's powers and basically taking his place. Somehow, his relationship with the guy who is now a celestial being was unaffected by this. If they really tried they could probably ascend even further. To godhood, perhaps. In any case, Medic becoming The Devil from The Bible did nothing for the god complex.

???: Sniper just kind of fucked off into the woods one day god knows what happened to him but Scout's convinced she saw him for like three seconds a week ago and "YOU GUYS HE HAD ANTLERS I SWEAR-"

RETIRED AND BECAME A FUNCTIONING MEMBER OF SOCIETY SPY: yeah. He's very happy with Scout's Mother (Maureen), and he's letting his roots grow out (his spy agency made him dye his hair black). He's even making an effort to be a good parent to Scout, bought her the trans flag ipad cover and everything, but she just keeps trying to cancel him. Maureen's sure they'll work it out between themselves eventually, but until then she has to keep finding more secure hiding places for the ipad (the best so far was the time she buried it under a tree a mile away, took Scout at least four hours to find and retrieve it that time)

There's also YURI MS PAULING, in which she pulled a whole polycule of beautiful women, but I'll cover her in another post.

Also TERFS DNI please. Woke Scout is just Scout being Scout (which is to say a bit stupid), and assuming all trans women are like that would be ridiculous. So fuck off.

[dandeleon]

BONUS POST ABT MY ADIPOCERE & URAPOCERE AMVS BC I FEEL LIKE YAPPING 😋 HASHTAG AUTISM

-

hiiii first of all tysm for all the nice tags & comments on both of these it genuinely means the world 2 me ^_^🩷🩷🩷🩷yay

(theres some specific tags i talk abt & look at further at the bottom of this post ^_^)

-

ok first if u read the tags on my adipocere animation u remember i said ive had the idea 4 them since august Which is true

so heres some stuff ive made b4 i realized i could make my own amvs

-

this picture uve probably seen i drew it back in like october?? I think?????

i dont like this as much anymore i wanna redraw it someday maybe

BUT

did u know i made another one with urapocere ford 2 parallel that one

it was gonna be in the same post as the other one but i didn't like how it turned out sooo it got scrapped

-

theres also this i made in early december

i think i planned on posting this but i forgor lol

feel free 2 read it all bc it still stands & is like the basis for my animations lol

-

theres also this

which i made in ms like a day or 2 before starting my animation & ended up re-using it 2 make this part:

also heres some early parts of the adipocere one:

^ this one i was planning on using which is why its coloured and animated but then i realized it looked like ass so i redid it👍

^ early ver of the beginning (threres an extra frame in the walk cycle here i think? i dont think i kept the 7th one in lol)

^early ver of uras beginning

-

heres some specific frames i like too ^_^

i think the expressions in these turned out rlly good :) esp the ford one.. my only goal for that one was to make him look like he was having the absolute worst time of his life & i think i did pretty good on that front lol

i have more but i hit the image limit LOL

anyways to finish my yap sesh off heres the last part of both animations side by side bc they parallel eachother & i think its neat :)

(hi its leon from the future, i lied here ur only halfway through this post sorry)

actually im gonna come back to this on my laptop & add more stuff maybe

if the post ends here its either bc i forgot to remove this text or tumblr decided to post this for me while trying save as draft

-

heyyy im on my laptop now ^_^ and also wondering why i didnt do it on here on the first place bc this is where all my images for this are anyways lmao

anyways!

heres more frames n stuff that i like

(most of these r from the urapocere one because that one ended up being a lot more polished)

^ frame by frame of that one part towards the end

my favs of these 4 are first & last one esp the last one i really like how that one came out ough.. the hand ended up looking rlly good imo (im a sucker for nicely drawn hands)

some particular frames from the final part i like :]

some i like bc i think they came out nice some i like cause they look goofy w/o context

an adi one!!!!

this is just that one part w/o the bg & harsh lighting

OTHER ONES!!!!!!

1: bord from the begining clip i like (theres another one i like from the same clip ill see if i can find it in my sea of folders l8r)

2: from the part near the end. i think it ended up looking cute (which was unintentional but i still like it)

3: blizzard ford (blizzardless edition)

4: fidds! i like this one :) im also running out of things to say

ALMOST FORGOR 2 PUT THIS ONE from adi

this ones probably my fav part from the whole adi amv tbh i think it turned out nice

moar fiddleford

heres that other bord one i mentioned ^_^ idky i just like how this one ended up looking lol

-

EXTRA SECTION BC THIS TAG MADE ME POG SO HARD

I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THAT BUT IT FITS SO WELL AUGHHHHH

thank u person who added this tag ur going unamed bc i dont wanna put u on blast but ur tags on both posts made me smiles so big like. u get it🤝 u get what i was going for 🤝🤝🙏🙏🙏

i have more tags from these posts i wanted 2 add but apparently i hit the image limit :( sad

so im just gonna like vaguely mention them since i cant add images

another thing ppl tagged in the ura one was the yellow text changing the meaning to bill & i NEED u to know that was semi-unintentional. i literally just made the text yellow at the end so people didnt misinterpret that as ford saying it being like "thank GOD fiddlefart died i couldnt stand his ass lmao😂🙏" but thank you for making it look like i had a cool meaning behind it LOL. i think the concept of like it being something ford DID say about fiddleford when he quit the project & bill is repeating it back to him after finding fiddleford dead to torment him is a really cool idea actually waow.....

hold on im gonna be really normal abt that bc i think thats such a interesting way to interpret the lyrics.... like fiddleford left & ford was like "WHATEVER im finally free now without HIM around. hes gonna be looking at me enviously when IM the one with MY name and MY name ALONE on the nobel prize!!!!" & bill repeating those statements back when fiddleford is dead like "this is what u wanted!!! u wanted this!! ur free now!!!!" UGHH THATS SO COOL AND OR FUCKED UP ACTUALLY thank u to the ppl who tagged that im taking this interpretation & running with it i genuinely think its so cool omgggg

like i said in the tags of the urapocere post the lyrics were originally meant to fit fords warped view of fiddleford right after he quit the project but the mv leaves it kinda up to interpretation of whos saying what to who. my personal interpretation while making it was its kind of a mix of ford to fiddleford, ford to bill & bill to fiddleford and/or ford & literally any combination of those work i think tbh. choose ur own adventure who was the biggest hater there

also some tags on the adi one were interpreting where fidds was dragging ford to & i wanna say my personal vision of it was fiddleford kinda just finds fords body lying in the snow in the woods maybe (dont ask why fiddleford would be there.. idk cult things maybe..) and fiddlefords feels obligated to bring him back to the lab so he doesnt freeze to death (he wouldve just erased him & fords memory of it anyways) which is a bit ironic cuz fiddleford is the one who froze to death LMAO (and maybe ford did too idk... you decide)

another thing this goes back to that image towards the top of this post where i yapped abt the songs n how well they fit with fiddauthor & i wanna specifically talk abt the line talking abt icarus because??? oh my god????? literally i think that line alone is like half the reason i associate this song w/ fiddauthor so heavily bc its literally them??? fiddleford literally compares ford 2 icarus in j3 like... its too perfect..

that line alone is also the reason i added english captions to both of them i just wanted ppl to see the icarus line LMAO

another line i also mentioned in that pic was the one telling the other person to forget it all even their face & i think its pretty obvious why that one fits LOL

(feel free to add more thoughts abt them w/ these songs if u have any ^_^)

-

anyways. adipocere is my fav song ever & for the past few months ive been doing that thing where u imagine an amv in ur head to a song u like & im very happy i can like. actually look at them now. making these were alot of fun :]

i do have a LOT of personal nitpicks with these (ESP the first one) but that also might just be cause im the guy who had to make it frame by frame LOL

(one minor one is fords skintone in urapocere ended up a bit more grey than i wanted but also he is like. in the middle of being possessed & tortured by a whole ass demon soo. it works i suppose LOL [makes him look zombie-ish])

also i thought making these amvs would make me less insane abt associating these songs w/ fiddauthor but tbh i think i just strengthened it LMAO

Sorry if literally nothing in this post makes any sense im just typing shit 😭🙏

i was gonna add more in tags but it wont let me add anymore so i think that might be a sign to stfu now LMAO

[not-the-conversation-starter]

The Death Of A Website.

tl;dr click source to see an AU of my blog.

As many of you may not have heard, Cohost has gone read only. The website infamous for "Zero Discoverability" and its users "Not Being Funny." Servers will close down at the end of 2024, if not earlier, being backed up on the Internet Archive before that. Since their user counts were still low after 2 years (about half of all sign ups ever were from people evacuating twitter, which then didn't know how to use the site so most left almost immediately. Kind of hilarious) they didn't feel like anymore money bleeding OR the fact that a staff of only four people being on call 24/7 was worth it anymore.

However,

the people who DID use the site loved it. And they did some genuinely cool things on it, far cooler than anything I ever saw even in the glory days of Tumblr. You know, like Finn and Jake hi-fiving between 2 posts. Stuff like a playable maze, or a fully navigable 3d room you move around in with your mouse entirely within a post. They really did some cool stuff.

There were also a ton of really talented people, people like the composer Lena Raine(Celeste/Minecraft) who loved the site because you could just. Actually talk to people on it! Without an algorithm to boost their posts, the only people who saw it were genuinely looking for it.

Also some of them were just good posters, we did get Pikmin 18 billion and eleven from Cohost after all.

The point is, I think if anyone outside of Cohost actually knew what was being done on Cohost, it would of succeeded. There would of been enough active users for them to invest more. If I knew about all of this I would of been there way more!

But rather than just you blindly believing me, I decided to spend (almost) every hour I would of on Tumblr, on Cohost instead. Clicking that link, or the source, or the link on the source above in the tl;dr, will take you to my Cohost blog. At least while it's still read-only.

You should check it out. I reblogged a lot, but the first page or 2 (every 20 posts, I kept trying to stop but I got sentimental and reblogged more) is pretty much just people's last posts. I'd say give it 3 pages to see if you're interested or not in exploring more of what the website has to offer.

If you've ever wondered what people would post on a dying website,

If you ever wondered what some of the best posts people were making on Cohost that got shared again in its last dying moments were,

If you want some reference for what inside jokes would look like to an outsider,

If you're just bored and need something to scroll through,

if you ever wondered what I would of reblogged on that website if I remembered my password easily enough to log back in easily...

You could think of my blog as a small encapsulation of a small website. There's only 60 pages, including the ones from before the announcement from me just rarely using the site!

I reblogged all kinds of posts. Goodbyes, sarcastic hellos, mourning, long speeches about the spirit of Cohost set to sad music, nothing burgers, inside jokes I didn't understand, The New Garfield, posts I flat out didn't read past the title because they were too long and I just wanted to move on really there's a lot of posts to archive, CSS crimes, stuff I found funny, "Where to find me" and webrings and website posts for people I never knew, Love Honk, reviews for movies and games I never intend to play or watch, 88x31 buttons, music recommendations and history, entire games, signing up for RSS feeds, asks and answers related to other stuff I didn't share on accident, regular memes, Intern Secretary Eggbug, a post that's just an image hosted off-site so it'll update even after readonly, and so on.

(Nothing overtly NSFW. Tag search still works if you want that)

One that I, personally, am sad is gone. That I'm glad I got to see at least in its dying days. That I genuinely hope someone makes another attempt at creating.

[future-of-freedom]

Tumblr wormhole shenanigan's!

The Neo Diamond Cutters are returning home from a successful mission when suddenly the Diamond Cutters from All Together Now (complete with Bean and Bark) appear in front of them!

How does either team react to their new imposters?!

(this is gonna be long, bear with me)

“Oh, wonderful. This is becoming a theme…” Ashley grumbled.

“So, uh, care to explain why there’s TWO TANGLES AND WHISPERS?!” Bean shrieked, shaking Ashley by the shoulders.

“Relax, dude. Something to do with a wormhole, I guess. It’s not the first time it happened in our world,” the leopard explained. “One time I came across this freaky looking shrike that sounded like static.”

Bark shivered, while Bean winced. “Sounds terrifying…”

“It was. But it blipped back into its world shortly after, so the same thing should happen with you guys, too. But while you’re still here… how’d you get in the Neos?”

Bean and Bark just looked at her, confused.

“Neo Diamond Cutters? Are you not called that in your world?”

Bark shook his head.

“Gotta admit, that sounds a lot cooler…” the bird mumbled. “But Tangle and Whisper took us in, even after realizing we were criminals! It’s been smooth sailin’ ever since! The boss lady’s kind of a downer, though…”

“Eh, in her defense, you gotta have someone to keep things in check…” the leopard chuckled. “Whisper was actually the one who offered me a spot on their team. I was kinda shocked, considering I kept accusing her of ki-“

She stopped. Whoops. She was saying too much.

Bark sat in front of Ashley, curious.

“…accused her offff…?” Bean asked.

Ashley shook her head and pat Bean’s head.

“…it’s a more personal thing on Whisper’s side. Don’t press the one for your world about it, though, alright? She’ll tell you if, or when she thinks it’s the right time.”

Bean happily leaned into Ashley’s robotic hand.

“Gotcha,” Bean answered, while Bark gave her a thumbs up.

-

“Mimic gave you that scar?!” ATN!Tangle gasped.

“Yeah… it’s all good though! He’s been locked up ever since! My face healed up nicely after a couple days, and now I’m living well in a nice home with Whisp!” FOF!Tangle answered. “Can the same be said for you?”

“Pretty much! Although there have been some hiccups. We got through ‘em though, and now we’re sharin’ a house with Bean and Bark!” ATN!Tangle said.

“Woah, with those guys?” FOF!Tangle laughed a little. “That must be fun.”

“Trust me, it’s not as bad as you think. And it’s nice to have a living space that I can call mine after… um…”

ATN!Tangle trailed off a bit.

“You good?” FOF!Tangle asked, concerned.

“Well… sorry, I was thinking about some familial issues. I don’t wanna be a downer-“

“Hey.” FOF!Tangle put a hand on her counterpart’s shoulder. “You’re not gonna be here forever. If you need someone to talk to about that, I’m happy to hear it.”

ATN!Tangle smiled softly and wiped her nose.

“…thank you.”

-

“Nice to see I’m eating well in this world, too,” ATN!Whisper said happily.

FOF!Whisper gave her an appreciative nod. “Have you… also gotten insecure about it?”

“Oh, absolutely. ‘Course, I was told it was okay. Just shows that I’ve been a lot happier as of late.”

“That’s goes for both of us, then,” FOF!Whisper responded, giving her counterpart a thumbs up. “Well, while you’re still here, I must ask… have you used your wisps’ powers on yourself?”

ATN!Whisper cocked her head to the side.

“Y’know, kinda like Sonic has…”

“…I can do that?”

“Possibly, if you’re able to train yourself. I haven’t perfected all their powers yet, but that’s only part of the process.” FOF!Whisper explained. “Can give you tips if you’d like.”

“Won’t be necessary,” ATN!Whisper declined. “I’d rather not mess with their powers like that.”

She smirked. “I’ll keep what you said in mind though.”

-

Both Lanolins were leaning against the wall all nonchalant, both holding cups of coffee.

“So… you also hate your mom?” FOF!Lanolin asked.

“Mhm.”

“Always got worked shoved in your face?”

“Yup.”

“But you have friends that make it somewhat worth it?”

“Correctamundo.”

They looked at each other, and clinked their glasses together.

“Livin’ like Lanny,” they both said at the same time, sipping their mugs.

[regretsofaghost]

Day 30- My love for you is true, I swear it is, it just will kill you in the end

AO3 link to chapter 30- here Tumblr link to chapter 29- here Tumblr link to chapter 31- here

Word Count- 1000 words

Edwin did not burst into tears, did not scrunch his face in a show of beautiful sorrow, nor did he have tears fall silently down his cheeks like summer rain.

There was no beauty in watching his best friend fall apart.

Edwin, as he tended to, was silent. He buried his face in Charles’ chest, and Charles felt the wetness of tears begin to soak into his polo, with hardly a shudder going through Edwin’s body as he cried.

Hell had taught its lessons well, after all, and the most important one was silence. No one cared to hear the tears of a boy who did not belong there.

Leading Edwin was possibility the hardest thing Charles had ever done.

Edwin was covered in blood, eyes wavering and misty, lost, as Charles tried to keep up his commentary, tried to get the other to focus on him, to not think about the creature or all the memories the thing was trying to make him think of with every change.

Charles did not recognize them all, but he recognized Niko, saw her with the blood spilling out of her chest from where Esther had impaled her with magic, the paleness of her face as blood soaked her white outfit.

Charles could not let Edwin see that.

Charles could not focus on that.

So he kept asking if Edwin trusted him, as that seemed to make Edwin focus if only slightly more, a furrow in his thick eyebrows as if wondering why Charles would ever think otherwise.

“Always.”

“Of course.”

“I always do.”

It hurt, to hear. It felt like trickery, to have Edwin wax his praises after Charles had kissed him multiple times, all while Edwin was clearly still under the effects of that awful potion. All after Edwin had looked so lost, so resigned, as if the kisses meant nothing.

They mattered, so much, but Charles had to take care of Edwin first, and that meant getting them away from the wraith that had become fixated on Edwin.

“I’ve got you.” Charles murmured into Edwin’s hair, holding him closer, burying his face in the other’s messy hair. “It’ll be okay.”

“I-don’t know why I’m crying,” Edwin’s voice was wrecked, soft, little more than vibrations against Charles’ chest.

“Doesn’t need to be a reason, does there?” Charles pressed a kiss against the crown of Edwin’s head. “Just the two of us here.”

There were little hitches of breath, as Edwin pressed his nose against Charles’ chest, uncomfortable for both no doubt, but Charles wouldn’t ask Edwin to move.

It was a relief, when Charles led Edwin through the mirror back to their office, away from the wraith, Crystal safely on her way home with Charlie’s help.

It wasn’t a lie, when he told her that it would be best to allow him to help Edwin alone.

Charles was just, pretty sure Edwin didn’t want anyone seeing him in this state.

Hands holding hands, Charles led Edwin to the couch, guiding him to sit before reaching for his backpack, intent on finding flannels. Edwin’s hand tightened in his for a second, as if needing Charles’ contact, and well, Charles would not fail Edwin again.

It was a bit harder, to find what he needed with one hand clenching Edwin’s, but Charles would always make due for his friend.

Sure, the blood would eventually disappear, but-

It was an awful sight, blood covering Edwin’s chin and front, splattered and smudged on his dress shirt and sweater vest, hand completely covered in it as well.

There was little Charles could hope to do about the clothes without Edwin’s help, but their medical supplies always worked.

“I miss her, so much.”

“I miss her, too.”

Charles watched the way Edwin’s eyes grew heavy, gaze following his movements as he wiped away the blood from his chin and neck, making sure to be gentle.

“I-I worry, she died for me-“

“She- she died for us mate. Both of us were in there, trapped.”

“She- shouldn’t have had to be brave for us.”

Edwin’s lips were swollen from their kiss, his teeth now worrying the tender flesh as Charles got closer to his mouth with the flannel.

Edwin tasted like gin, the vague memories of pine needles and fresh flowers.

“Niko shouldn’t’ve.”

“I, I am also angry, at her.”

“…”

“She, she didn’t even say goodbye.”

Charles wondered what Edwin would taste like underneath the gin.

“She didn’t. Proper rude, innit?”

“…quite.”

The hand was next, and it was so much worse now. Charles couldn’t ask, couldn’t interrogate the other, not without that awful monster of anger lashing out.

There were two deep bite marks, a new one on his thumb, the old one just below it worsened.

Charles was gentle with Edwin’s hand, careful, as he wiped up the blood, revealing brilliant purple bruises that covered a good portion of his hand now.

It wasn’t the time for questions, it wasn’t the time to ask.

Not with Edwin’s sad, lost eyes.

“Did, you visit her?”

“…no.”

“Would you want to?”

“… I would not want to impose.”

“Can’t impose, grave’s for the living, innit?”

“We are not living Charles.”

“Then, grave’s for those left behind, innit?”

Edwin’s eyes followed Charles as he stood up, getting Edwin to his feet as well before laying on the couch, pulling Edwin on top of him.

Edwin made a noise of protest, but Charles wrapped his arms around him anyway.

“Please mate, just, let me help you.”

Charles laid there for a second, then another, then another. Right when he believed he overstepped, that they did not do this any more, did Edwin’s arms slowly start to wrap around Charles’ middle.

“I missed this.” Edwin’s voice was soft, sleepy, sounding as young as his sixteen years of life, rather than the hundred years of death and torture.

“I missed this too,” Charles replied, holding Edwin tightly, rubbing his nose in the other’s hair.

Edwin’s hair smelt like vanilla ice cream and old-fashioned pomade.

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

Ok if you want to understand why it hate the word transmasc so much I need you to walk with me. If you're a trans person coming out in the 2020s you might not understand this the same way I don't really understand why trans people who came out in the 90s and early 2000s want to get their surgeries and then pretend they were cis the whole time. But I hope we can get to the level of at least intellectual understanding that I have of where they're coming from even if I don't emotionally get it.

So I'll set the scene for you. I'm a young trans boy aged 12 who identifies as a butch lesbian because thats literally the only words I have for my discomfort with my own body and my burning desire to look like a man. I look upon pictures of my favorite male rock stars with an almost cancerous jealousy. The hypocrisy of dressing like Siouxie Sioux and identifying as a butch is not lost on me and neither is the irony of jerking it to slash lemons on Fanfiction.net while identifying as a lesbian but my language is so narrow that I can't really do anything else. I think my nice liberal parents explained transgender to me but in a way that excluded me as someone who used to play with Barbies and wanted to be a figure skater when my mom made me play hockey. So butch I was. And then I kept seeing Pinterest screenshots of a blogging platform called Tumblr and a lot of the Percy Jackson yaoi I was reading would link there so I said maybe they'll have some neat fan art and more pictures of [pedophile band redacted]

So I made myself a blog.

And I bet if you're a gen z millennial cusp you already know where this is going. Not only did I learn what being transgender really was, I learned neo pronouns and words like quiosexual and demiromantic demisexual demiboy and you know a lot of these things were made up by bored and isolated kids like me who knew they were queer and didn't have any friends because they were queer and wanted to know something their bullies didn't and didn't end up sticking. But to me, someone who's options were previously bisexual, lesbian, and straight, none of which fit, I felt like I was Dorothy seeing color for the first time. Its trite and cringe but without the internet trigenders I would have killed myself before I ever encountered a proper queer space in the wild to put the idea that I as a skirt wearing goth girl terrified of boys calling her the g word (girlfriend) could grow up to be a fudge packing faggot in my head where it needed to be.

TL;DR: the culture of radical acceptance on 2013 Tumblr literally saved my life.

And there's a few things I need to explain about this culture. I'm gonna show you a comic. Some of you might not have seen it, I think it's fallen out of circulation by now, because I can't find it with Tumblrs search function and the gender politics of this website have moved on from this vibe (which I think is a bad thing but we'll get there) I want to apologize in advance to the artist for reposting their work and if you know who made it please let me know so I can properly credit them.

This was an incredibly popular comic to come out of this Tumblr era. I think I reblogged it at least twice on my old blog which I deleted when I was 16. (Don't even remember my URL if I'm honest) This was the energy we were bringing. Gender was intensely personal. Nosey cis people were always up in your business trying to figure out what you were but they wouldn't take cloudgender for an answer so they weren't getting one. Amongst other trans people we would say any old insane shit we liked to describe our genders (I had migrated over to being bigender at this point. She/he type shit. I've always been pretty basic tho. Mad respect to the people who actually had weird ones) but cis people were not intelligent enough to get it so they would simply be memed on. I'm not saying this culture didn't have problems. We were generally unapproachable, but who could blame us when we were mainly getting shoved in lockers in real life. I also wonder about racial politics of learning stargender in the same infographic I learned hijra and two spirit in. But the spirit of being androgynous and refusing to conform to the gender binary was the part I need you to take away.

The mainstream culture and Tumblr both have gotten quite a bit more conservative since then. Since my trans awakening I've watched in horror as cryptoterfs and transmedicalists have invaded the community that saved my life demanding that I disclose what's in my pants. The radical nondisclosure that I think was one of the things that made the community so special in spite of all it's microlabels and discourse was replaced by anons demanding to know whether you were TMA or TME, transmasc or transfem and duping us into it by using progressive language to sell us on these binaries.

Gone on tumblr were the days when it was generally accepted that men were one thing, women were a different thing and nonbinary people were neither or both or a secret third thing or whatever they wanted to be. Now if you have a vagina and you're nonbinary you're trans man lite and if you have a penis and you're nonbinary you're trans woman lite. Fuck you multi gender people. And if you're a trans man or a trans woman you have to be ok with your gender being watered down to euphemism.

And I do understand the appeal of having umbrella terms to build solidarity. But we already had that. That word is transgender. That word is LGBTQIA2S. That word is Genderqueer. I have no problem wearing those labels because those boxes don't prescriptively assume something about my personal journey with gender. They don't ascribe a certain aesthetic presentation or assume I've had this specific experience but not that one. They're a nice wide container for my gender to lay in amongst all the other ones without being constrained by prescriptive assumptions.

And those terms (genderqueer, transgender, LGBT+), generally speaking, are the ones with which I've been able to build the most solidarity in real life. They're good words that people who came out in the 70s and 80s understand just as well as people who came out in the 2020s as well as everyone in between.

Conversely Transmasc feels like a box. You're a trans man (or a CAFAB nonbinary) so you must be masculine. That's the thing that my parents believed that almost killed me. That's the belief that made it so that I had to spend 6 and a half years knowing exactly what I was but not able to do anything about it. And it's what made me spend at least 3 years but probably more of my very short life before that knowing that there was something wrong with me but not thinking the word transgender could be the thing. Its a corrosive belief that seemingly progressive cisgender people have that was responsible for two decades of debilitating gender dysphoria and 3 suicide attempts, and now I have to put up with it in the community that saved me from even more of that? Fuck off.

And thats not even to mention the complete destruction of solidarity between trans men and trans women. we are way more alike than different. I talk about it with trans women in my real life and it brings us closer together. It builds connection and solidarity. I talk about it on Tumblr and I'm told I'm lying about things that actually happened to be because no TME transmasc could ever go through that because that's a tma transfem experience.

But if I'm honest. This community hasn't been the community I grew up with in a long fucking time. I came to political consciousness through engaging with the BLM movement on here in 2014, I grew up reblogging #blackout selfies. I had a lot of black mutuals. Their accounts were mostly terminated. I had a lot of sensible trans people especially trans women around me who lost their accounts in a hammer car explosion. I initially came on here in part to look at fandom porn because I was quirky and going through puberty, but those people jumped ship in 2018. And I'm still here because algorithms are arcane to me and other social media sites won't let me talk for this long.

Basically if you read nothing else in this post, read this: not everything about old Tumblrs gender politics was great. I acknowledge that. But the fact that we've abandoned the principle that gender is personal in favor of demanding to know whether you fit into the F box or the M box is the result of how much more conservative society has gotten to the point where I'm almost inclined to believe the terms transmasc and transfem were introduced by a psyop. If you're too young to remember listen to your elders and if you remember but you've fallen for this bullshit get back up and stand with me under one banner, the blue pink and white, and stop dividing yourselves and hating your siblings.

[aquaquadrant]

Heyooo, I've been enjoying Hels to Pay, so much. And I wanted to say two things, first, I was drinking my coffee while reading part IV (II), and I was reading the tags and I choked on my coffee when I read "voluntary decapitation". I was coughing and being like "what in the world??" Before I realized, oh wait, it's probably for the collar.

The other thing was that, for a brief moment when Scar shot Bravo - before I remembered that we have seen his Hel's counterpart so that's not the case- I actually wondered whether or not he was the same as Tango, a Hel's that ended up swapping their other self. Just older and more content and confident in the life he ended in, without as much guilt. I get of course that he was just defending Tango, and I LOVE that about him, but it was still an intriguing thought and I had to share.

I had your fic saved in a corner to read eventually, only having kept it aside for a while due to it being on tumblr and not AO3 and it wasn't a format I was used to, but suffice to say it sucked me in and I binged it. It's amazing, both you and lunarcrown have done incredible work with fleshing out this world. The concept, the characters and how it all unfolds is incredibly beautiful and intriguing. Looking forward for whatever you may bring down the line.

y’know there are quite a few things i didn’t even know how i was gonna tag in this series LMAO cuz like, yeah it gets pretty brutal but it’s in the fictional universe of minecraft where death isn’t permanent so that kinda lessens it? in any case, i’m glad u got a kick out of that HA

secret hels!scar would be pretty cool! but nah, that was just scar dipping into his rare serious-and-dark side, the one he masks by pretending to be a pleasant and slightly bumbling goofball. love that shit.

and i do think i’ll get the series cross-posted to A03 eventually, the formatting just takes some time (i might like italics a little too much) and i’d rather focus on finishing the main series first. i held out for so long bc i didn’t want my writing scraped by bots for AI (cuz A03 is a target of that) but at this rate i don’t think there’s any point. every website seems determined to scrape the internet dry to feed its own AI so i might as well keep writing for those who actually appreciate it, and would rather support real authors than use chatGPT or character AIs. glad u found the series regardless, and i hope u enjoy what’s to come 💃

[canmom]

Any thoughts on gacha games ? Any rec on gacha games, especially if its not live action ? Thanks !

hmmmm

i used to be into NieR Reincarnation but they shut that one down lol

in general gacha is home of all the most obscene dark pattern monetisation models in gaming, so it tends to be designed for maximum timesink potential. even though there are many many great stories and gorgeous art styles in gacha, I tend to avoid playing them.

if anything the timesink aspect is a bigger problem for me than the money sink - it's easy enough to stay f2p when the prices are all calibrated to whales with a lot of money to burn, but there's an endless parade of daily tasks and small progress bars to fill so hours can fly by without anything really happening. which would be fine if the moment-to-moment gameplay was engaging, but so much of the time it's just inventory management and waiting for shit with no real challenge, and that ain't it. (instead I can spend my time on fulfilling activities like writing long tumblr posts... shit)

there are understandable reasons for some of this...

phone input is in general imprecise and largely limited to swiping and tapping on things. since pulling gacha is the thing that makes the game money, you can see how the easy, obvious way to incentivise it is to make progress broadly a function of your character's stats. that, and the long grinds in most of these games, means that 'skill' in a gacha game is mostly a matter of efficiency.

it's also an infamous problem that gacha development is on razor-thin margins and pretty much all or nothing: either it becomes a cultural juggernaut or it fails to make enough to sustain development. the vast majority of gacha games shut down, and while other unsuccessful games can at least stick around, the only way you can hope for an offline/custom-server version of gacha to survive is if dedicated, technically minded fans go to the effort of reverse engineering it. it is a painfully ephemeral art form even by videogame standards.

basically the problem is that nobody is willing to spend money on mobile games (I don't mean this as some kind of ridiculous guilt trip, that's just how it is), so the only routes to viability are ads and microtransactions, which come with all sorts of perverse design incentives. as a dev on a neighbouring platform, I look at mobile games with a degree of horror - I want to make a game that rewards the time players spend with it, not homeopathically dilute the good parts with brutal casino sandtrap shit because that's the only way the company can make enough money to pay my salary. (frankly if I had to do the level of exploitative shit that is completely standard in gacha I'd have to find another line of work, I couldn't live with it).

that said...

there is something interesting in how gacha design aesthetics push the sort of otaku 'database' concept to its absolute limit. every character needs to be dripping with appeal, and they need to hit as many different types of moe as possible across the cast. much like a fighting game, it means you have less of a hierarchy - everyone has a sort of 'main character' look. and much like, say, a Kamen Rider show, you need to be constantly introducing new props and outfits, which means it's just a huge field to experiment with character design. one of the big things that kept me coming back to NieRRein was the gorgeous character artwork - and with all the gacha out there, you've a good chance one hits your buttons.

gacha also seems to be, for whatever reason, a major platform for serial illustrated storytelling in the current age. a lot of gacha is essentially a serialised visual novel with gameplay speedbumps. like any long-running serial, that often means the plot will sooner or later take some intriguingly weird turns - and it gives you a lot of time to become attached to characters. I like narrative games, and gacha games tend to accumulate a lot of narrative - just severely diluted.

as far as recs...

besides the now-dead NieRRein and SINoALICE, which i played for the obvious Yoko Taro reasons, I also played a bit of Sdorica some years back, which I recall having an appealing art style and decent story - tho I quit fairly early because it was kind of eating my life.

I think you could also make an argument that Warframe is at least a fellow traveller to gacha games, and I have put so many hours into that that I don't want to think about it. god tier art direction, its story is ridiculous but now and then has some real moments of emotional impact, and its parkour system is really sick, but unfortunately it is an unrelenting grindfest and it takes literally thousands of hours to unlock most of its shit. Warframe is sorta the ultimate example of the adage that 'given the opportunity, players will optimise the fun out of a game', let's leave it at that.

other than that, everything else I only know about second hand: I watched the Arknights anime and it was fun, the techwear furries are endearing and the plot is quite strikingly odd. I have also enjoyed seeing some of the animation coming out of Zenless Zone Zero - they're trying something new and I respect it. (plus I think that one's like, an actual action game? though, not played.) I don't recall the name of the game, but someone sitting next to me at Scotland Loves Anime was playing a gacha rhythm game, and that seems like a genre fusion that could work well.

other than that, I would very likely have given Limbus Company a shot sooner or later, but I was severely put off the company after the MRA firing incident. I hear it's a good game though.

sorry I can't help more, but I know some friends who are into gacha so maybe they'll drop some recs in the comments!!