#its the most absolutely unlikely premise

[littleeyesofpallas]

87CLOCKERS

[cleolinda]

I never actually explained why I started playing the Silent Hill 2 remake. As many people have pointed out, it is an absolutely wild choice (complex, difficult, scary, LONG) for my first video game. (I’m a mobile gamer, I wasn’t allowed to play video games as a kid, etc.) 

Since Jacksepticeye has come back to Tumblr, I’ll be a dork and say that I became a big fan of his channel over the last couple of years, and I started watching game playthroughs generally to wind down at night. I’ll basically watch anything he plays, and in October, he played the new remake. I was maybe 20 when the original came out, but I didn’t know shit about Silent Hill. Something about Pyramid Head, The Scariest Games Ever, not really my thing, but sure. I started watching and... didn’t really get into it. Planets weren’t aligned that day, idk. I let it keep running, went on to the second video, and then we hit THIS scene:

That music comes in out of NOWHERE like strong perfume and I was like, what the fuck is this game, why is the acting so good, what is HAPPENING, I love it. 

For several weeks, I was obsessed with the Akira Yamaoka soundtrack (both versions) and the story. The Actual Autism fully kicked in, and it was better than dealing with the rest of November 2024. I watched multiple people play the game, learned everything about it, didn’t care about the combat, never thought I’d play it myself. 

And then, two months into this... I kinda... I kinda wanted to fight a leg monster. A mannequin. THEY ARE SO SASSY AND THEY’RE SMART despite having no heads. I wanted to engage in noble fisticuffs (anklicuffs?) with these things. I am proud to say that I have gone from getting stuck in the parking lot on day one to actually being really good at fighting mannequins. (It’s the lying figures that get me. Fucking splash-damage motherfuckers.) Over ten hours of practice play in the first three levels of the game, I’ve only died twice so far (and both times were when the game BOXED ME IN and swarmed me with vomit monsters. Rude).

So anyway, I decided to play the game, and @idoherty451 and I started discussing it in excessive depth, and now I want to do a text commentary for sure, and a video gameplay (voice) commentary if I can get that up and running; I already have some rough reaction audio that I've been posting. I just want all this (and the software I’m learning) to be a new set of tools in my “having fun discussing media” box, really. That said, I don’t know how far I’ll actually take the practice run, now that it’s fulfilled its purpose and I’ve diagnosed that my hapless ass needs to be on light combat. I’ve even played South Vale 2-3 times to develop basic skills! I’m doing so good! So it’s helped to do a first run, get through “I’m lost for half an hour” snarls, and practice moving the camera more smoothly. I may leave off with playing ahead before I get to the last two bosses years from now at this rate and let y’all see that happen, for better or worse, without any prep. 

The whole premise here is that I want to walk through the game and talk about all the lore and easter eggs and theories I’ve learned about. It will be the opposite of spoiler-free (minus That One Big Thing I won’t give away). If you would like to watch spoiler-free playthroughs of this long-ass game, I also recommend Marz (new to the franchise) and Gab Smolders (huge OG fan). 

Anyway, this is what I’ll be doing tomorrow while actively ignoring U.S. politics. James Sunderland has some very specific problems, and unlike mine, he can hit most of them with a steel pipe. Wish me luck with Pyramid Head. 

[subway-boss-jericho]

Queuing posts for most of my AUs! Check out this Masterpost! (Disclaimer! - Please don't comment about their iconic knife bangs! I left them off this reference to keep their faces fully visible.)

Mechanical Dreams (can you hear the cogs clicking?)

-Premise- Alright. Bear with me, this one is very, very different. To give you the elevator pitch summary, I had a dream involving my version of Ingo from Steady Tracks except instead he was a hundreds-feet-tall mecha robot trapped under the ocean. Everything else is stuff I have worldbuilt around this concept in order to make the timeline of events make sense. Cool? Cool.

If that sounds interesting enough to read the less summarized version (LONG), get ready for one hell of a canon divergent crack AU:

Ingo and Emmet are both native-born Hisuian and proud members of the Pearl Clan. Unlike most members of their clan, they do not fear most pokemon. For a reason neither of them can place, they've always gotten along with them a little better than they did with other people. They've spent a lot of time getting to know pokemon, learning to battle alongside them, and bonding with them.

One night changes everything they've ever known. Young and bright, no older than 19, the two of them share a foreboding and brilliant dream.

Mighty Sinnoh approaches them face to face, speaking of an unknowable calamity on the horizon. Pokemon overflowing with incredible power- interfering with their natural ability to shrink, forcing them to grow taller than the mountains. In a blind rage of unbearable, uncontainable energy, they will ravage the lands of all living things. These will be known as the Darkest Days, when rifts in time and space bring Dynamax Energy down on Hisui.

Sinnoh has waited patiently to interfere with this disaster, observing each candidate and deliberating over who to designate as its heroes. After all this, the twins are Sinnoh's first choice. Should they choose to accept this duty, they may take the power to prevent this crisis into their own hands. Should they choose to deny it, it will continue to the next candidates it has selected until someone agrees to its terms.

It has chosen them because of their synchronicity, their bond, and their compassion for the pokemon of the region. If they bear this duty, one of them will become an overwhelming force- As powerful, if not more so, than the pokemon that will rise to challenge them. He will become a work of machinery so beautiful and so complex that he will rival work made in centuries to come- So impossibly grand that he will take on life incomparable to any creature or mechanism that has or ever will walk the earth.

In order to sustain such a life, this is what will become of the other: A being overflowing with energy and will. The ability to command metal with only the thought of desire, the knowledge and dominion over electricity to know and understand all things made of them. With these he can repair and protect the other, just as the other defends and protects all the region. He will be made brilliant just as his brother, but will remain of flesh and blood to ensure both are separate in the restrictions of their capability.

Their lives will entwine, ensuring the safety of both so long as both desire the safety of the other. The machine will power the soul, a fortress of steel defending the lives of both. So long as the machine does not perish, the engineer will never be susceptible to his own mortality. Neither age nor injury will prevent him from returning to the other's side.

With this overwhelming duty, impossibly vast opportunity laid out in full before them, the twins need to talk. More than anything, they need to decide. Will they? Yes. Absolutely. They could pass this on to someone else, but both of them would rather be able to ensure the safety of their brother with their own power.

It is decided that Ingo will become the Grand Machine, and Emmet will take the mantle of the Engineer. Ingo has always been in awe of strong moves, but more than this, it gives him the chance to take direct action in preventing any harm from ever coming to Emmet. As the (slightly) older of the two, he feels strongly about taking responsibility. Emmet has made his choice for the very same reason. Whoever is the Engineer can take direct action to ensure the safety of the Machine. He can protect his brother and keep him safe, and he will always be the first at his side in the line of fire.

With this, their shared vision comes to an end. They provide whatever explanation they can to the clans, to their family, before they set off together to the peak of Mount Coronet.

Emmet steps forward first, to receive the blessing that will change him. With the touch of their maker, his hair is shifted to a brilliant snowy tone- Eyes a bold and electric blue as a flowing coat of white and gold rests over his shoulders. He shines like a man of royalty- change arriving in another wave of light as he finds himself remarkably taller. The two brothers share a moment to revel and celebrate all of these verrry cool blessings!! Younger swinging older into the air in an expression of joy, hugs shared fiercely at the same size again as Emmet discovers his choice between old and new.

They share quieter words of comfort, of assurance. Ingo steps forward to receive his blessing. He turns with a smile on his face, a last look to his brother with the touch of his maker as Emmet sees his eyes glow vibrant blue- Before a torrent of metal sprouts from his back, encircling him completely. It warps and twists like the stem of a growing tree, walls of steel rising into the sky like a tower, faster than human hands could ever build.

When they return from the mountain, they are changed. They are twins, they are brothers, they are Ingo and Emmet. But they are impossible, they are changed to unknowable depths. They are not the same as when they left.

The Giant of Steel and The Engineer alter the fate of the region in more tales than can be catalogued here alone, preventing the deaths of many and earning the respect of every faction. Members of each walk of life vow to join them, becoming a part of Ingo's Crew.

When all is finally over, the final battle comes long after the danger has passed. None were expecting a last straggler, and none were prepared for the inky tendrils of the siren's grasp. The water was never Ingo's ally, but he would never let it be his crew's grave. He forces them to evacuate, the crew taking The Engineer with them to escape the soul-stealing songs of Gigantamax Jellicent. At the cost of his own safety, he brings down the final Dynamax threat once and for all. Consciousness fading, he crashes into the ocean- tsunamic shockwaves sending escape pods tumbling to shore.

Emmet, with all his abilities and tools, does not have the resources alone to craft something with the strength to rescue Ingo from the ocean floor. As days pass, he finds himself fading- He knows what this is, he must always know. Emergency hibernation. In his last days awake, he begs the people of Hisui, his friends, his Crew, to save his brother's life. To save him, when he cannot.

Emmet falls into an indominable slumber, kept safe from the elements in a case of wood and glass he assembled himself. The ocean is quiet, the threat is gone. The Dynamax War is over.

The crew which had endeared themselves to these strange, dedicated, charming, and incomprehensible yet so human twins, vow to repay their dutiful protection by rescuing Ingo from the water's depths.

And so time begins to pass.

-Noteworthy Points- I can't believe I'm posting this online where people can see it haha. Please be nice to me 😂 This is the longest post I've ever made. I hope that summary is to your liking because I am (grinding teeth) not kidding. that's the best way I know how to summarize this ENTIRE plot I made. Based on a dream I had one time two years ago!

Things to note! Ingo and Emmet are both capable of size-shifting but to very different degrees. Ingo is 120ft tall in his Off-Duty form, but can assume an Active Threat mode which allows him to scale up to 400ft tall. Emmet can shift between on/off duty forms also, but the difference is 8ft (Extremely Tall) to his former height somewhere around 5'10" (Above Average)

To re-say what arceus blessed them with in a way that is less cryptic: Ingo is a Mecha. He is bio-mechanical, sort of like a cyborg? In essence, he is an otherwise impossible combination of man, pokemon, and machine. He has a pokemon type and can use various moves. He also operates using a hell of a lot of complex machinery, but retains his humanity and thought. There is nothing else like him! Also he's fucking huge as I mentioned a second ago. He's made to be manned by a crew and has lots of hollow space, rooms, and other things required for life onboard. He also has an internal computer that helps him micromanage everything he needs to know about himself, who is onboard, what he is doing, and what other people are doing. Essentially, he has multiple trains of thought he can use simultaneously in order to help him keep up with everything. Because of this, he also can process information at a speed faster than a normal person is capable of by a significant margin.

Emmet has Technokinesis, and is capable of understanding how any machine works by observing it. He is capable of inventing or assembling machines that are far beyond his time, and can disassemble anything and put it back together with no issue. He has some amount of heightened/super speed, but not on a 'speedster' level of crazy, just unnaturally fast. He has a bigger reserve of energy as well than any normal person would have, and can think/process things at an unnatural speed. This helps him keep up with Ingo, although his processing ability is still a bit slower than his. Emmet also has hammer space with his coat pockets and can magically equip/unequip his coat at any time.

I have so much world building that I genuinely can't put it all in the notes here. There is so much shit to unpack, please understand I've basically made this entire goddamn narrative from scratch in my head and with the help of a close friend. This is me being turbo mentally ill

If I had less self control I would keep writing but I think I've given you all enough to understand the concept and I need to shove this in the queue before I miss the posting time <3 have fun

-Links- Artwork - Emmet Doing Maintenance Discussion - Adjustment Period/Early Story Beats Discussion - Give and Take/New Normal Discussion - Enforced codependency is funny until it isn't/Struggling with their new positions

[anodizedblack]

I almost never make posts in here, but I’ve gotta get this out of my chest at last.

• Discovering My Hero Academia at 15.

• Seeing similarities between Izuku and myself : an emotional teen with a wish to help others, whose poor self-estime makes him try to befriend his bully.

• Enjoy the series for a while, but starts getting disturbed by Katsuki showing violent sadism while personally escaping any consequences.

• Find out a lot of fans not only like Bakugo for his toxic traits (although the author specified he was trying to make him unlikeable), but they also shipped the two together since day one.

• I’m seeing people glamorise a victim wanting the attention of his bully. I’m seeing people glamorise what broke my self-worth in my most vulnerable phase. It hurts.

• I try to not pay attention to it, but it just takes so much space in the fandom : shippers talking about a victim dating his active bully as « so romantic », people obnoxiously insisting how the manga WANTS YOU to see them romantically, even people drawing Bakugo… raping Izuku. I’m feeling sick to my soul, this is agonising.

• The pairing takes so much space its shippers impose themselves as THE queer ship, declaring anyone disliking it either can’t read or is homophobic, even though tons of same-sex ships from the manga have little to no backlash about them, because they’re simply not toxic.

• One Tumblr user even calls me homophobe for not seeing them romantically, something I have never been and never will be. And it happened at a time I was questioning my own sexuality.

• Fine, I won’t try to engage too much with this fandom and focus on the manga. But even without all this, it’s getting harder to enjoy : some characters with an interesting premise get eclipsed in favor of others chosen for their popularity in polls, many relationships are barely written and explored, others behave in a way that undo their character growth, the manga tries to introduce themes poorly, and I’m struggling to feel genuine sympathy for most of the villains.

• I just don’t enjoy this manga anymore, better just stop engaging with it.

• Time passes and I only occasionally see online stuff associated with it. Some plot points being discussed, but mostly shipping discourse again. With « bkdk » fans who seemingly dedicate their every online actions and life to that. Whose hostility and obnoxious behaviour has been immensely detrimental to the public image of the fandom, if not of the manga. They are still hellbent on insisting the entire story is about Bakugo and Izuku’s relationship, actually. Anyone believing otherwise, and pointing out parts of the story showing Izuku having feelings for another character is « delulu » of course.

• Bakugo finally makes his apology, 90% through the series. It’s laughable, and sounds like he doesn’t even know the amount of harm he’s done. Shippers use this as an opportunity to make themselves seem regular healthy fans, as if they haven’t been salivating at him verbally and physically abusing Izuku this whole time. The hypocrisy.

• The « first » ending of the manga comes out, and I find it disappointing. This suit should’ve been given to him by the government right after he recovered from his injuries, he saved the goddamn world. But instead he had to wait for years for his friends to spare money for it. Ugh. Anyways.

• The second and last ending, chapter 431 came out ? Izuku kindly declines an offer from Bakugo to work with him ? And it gives a conclusion to Ochako and Izuku’s relationship, showing them sharing feelings for one another ? So they did end up together… and the bkdk shippers are realising that. After all these years of being horrible, all this confidence and entitlement is simply breaking into a million pieces. And I’m loving every second of it. It absolutely brightens my day, my whole fucking weekend, that all those horrible people who fantasised over a ship born from a toxic idea of a relationship, from something that ruines lives, that broke me and countless others… are feeling disappointed, confused, stupid and miserable. Some say they don’t care, that they can seek refuge in their fanfictions written with « their » version of the characters, but the majority are visibly distraught and showing it. We told you guys, and you deserve every second of misery you’re going through.

It’s a low blow, I know. But you brought us this low.

You’re hurting, and we’re having the last laugh

[sillylilyposting]

People are to willing to legitimize

Oh boy let's see what she means by legitimize

The whole point of lolcow culture is to ruin people's lives for fun.

No the plan is to extract the funny from it.

So when you come out trying to Critique target is a terrible person but - you've already given it to much legitimacy by treating it as a trustworthy source of information

You don't become immune to criticism because people don't like you

People made careers out of turning Christine Chandler's life into a real world Truman show,

Just call her Chris-chan? Also no people interacted with her videos she herself was putting online, her own website and uploads. Also how does this theory track with Yandev, Nikocado, etc who just did weird things with little to no prompting?

With her every action scrutinized and documented to a degree that serial killers subjected too.

Again she made videos consistently of herself by herself

Without that stalking, without the way people sought to push her to do something to keep the entertainment going, without people actively conspiring to drive her insane, she would not have been noteworthy enough for any of the things she done to be worth remembering.

I'll agree some of the stuff she did was prompted by other people's bullying and prompting, she still did bizarre things in her day to day without it but she still filmed and explained her odd acts and lest we forget nobody made her SA her mother! Just like nobody made Yandev be a pedophile there is no excuse of: "The meaning internet people made me!"

_

Hell, without all that, it's unlikely she would have ever done most of the shit she's done.

Provably wrong

Its only the very fascist harassment that made her actions probable or noteworthy in the first place.

So to try and condem lolcow culture, while judging the target based on information only avaliable BECAUSE of lolcow culture is completely fucking backwards. Furthermore it's how they recruit.

I can't keep restating facts... uh chrischan made video herself! So, quite literally what your trying to do here condem the culture with info avaliable because of it, this argument eats itself, christ.

Every single mother fucker who rots on kiwi farms started from the premise that "kiwi farms is terrible, but they've got it right this time about [minor e-celeb you are way too obsessed with] and their hook are in you. Because your on the site reading a thread on the person you hate, and since your there you might as well read a few more

Never used Kiwi farms myself, don't plan to, you have a plenty of stupid harmful and wrong takes regularly avaliable. You keep shifting the argument as you finish each paragraph, a goldfish would be more focused than you

And now they have their hooks in you, You're a nazi

Nazis, Hooks, Kiwis, scary stuff girl. I wasn't aware Kiwi farms acting like Frostmourne or is it more like the One Ring?

Multiple times in the past someone has come to be about someone supposedly being predatory and linked to Kiwi farms thread going "i know is awful but..."

Holy fuck this post is so long... does that mean the people who dm you are all Arthas?

_

No if it comes from Channer (channel?) trash, it is automatically a lie. They do not care about the things they pretend to care about.

Joon the king, sai, Ant, etc vague post, Journalists cover stories girlie, they can be as invested as they want personally and can push a narrative if they are inclined but the mark of a good journalist is presenting a story as unbiased as possible, I am not saying Kiwi farms writers are unbiased or journalists.

They care only about ruining the lives of trans, mentally ill and neruodivergent people for their own entertainment. Truth, Lies, it doesn't matter to them. Both are equally valid for their goals.

Lily seems to want to push the narrative that there are absolute sources of information... dangerous and vaguely authoritarian. There is such a thing as GETTING A SECOND OPINION!

If you were abused by someone and you went to Kiwi farms to give testimony: no you weren't. you're a liar, and you know you're a liar. You wouldn't be there if you weren't.

Not letting "These people who claim victim hood are 100% lying, and don't you doubt me when I tell you that" slide here

Lolcow culture should be inadmissible the court of public opinion.

Glad you added the court of public opinion, thought you were posting this as you got shoved into a cop car

So long as that continues to not be the case the harassment the stalking would only get worse.

Do stupid things win stupid prizes

And you can't buffer your criticism of it by agreeing with them.

The dumbest take she's made, its not weird that when someone accuses you of in decending order Rape, Grooming, and Incest Fetishism that agreeing to it would and SHOULD make the situation worse for the RAPIST

That POST WAS TO FUCKING LONG OH MY FUCKING GOD!

[chemicallywrit]

It is @itmeblog's birthday and it's very important that you all know that InCo and Stories from Ylelmore absolutely slap.

There are a number of audio dramas that are like "if ____ was actually good instead of just a neat premise!" Starship Iris to Firefly, Sherlock & Co. to Sherlock...InCo is that for Star Wars. This microfiction podcast is better than Star Wars. Unlike Star Wars, InCo actually puts its trust in the most normal normie to save a planet and uncover a political conspiracy and be besties with a kid who desperately needs it. InCo believes that doing the right thing SUCKS and you don't always get away with it and it doesn't always work, but you try anyway, because what are you going to do? Not?

Stories from Ylelmore is similarly extremely human. I was a weird kid. I know what it's like to be a weird kid. When you are a weird kid, you are buried under the inescapable weight of your own weirdness. It's easier with friends. I wish I had had friends like the kiddos in Ylelmore, and I'm so glad that they have each other.

Also, the worldbuilding in both stories is:

Consistent

A constant slam dunk

On ItMe's birthday, I'm grateful for the person ItMe is and the art that fae makes, and I hope faer birthday has been fantastic.

If you want to give fae a birthday present, go listen to faer shows and maybe buy faer a ko-fi!

[22degreehalo]

I think, to me, House of the Dragon s2 has the same base conceptual problem as the Barbie movie: it wants to tell an aspirational story about women succeeding in ways that real women usually aren't able to, by means of a fantastical setting, but also wants most if not all of its messaging to be relevant to real-world women.

To overcome that conflict - to spend so much time making the character 'relatable' while also putting them into an intentionally and purposefully unrelatable position - you have two major options.

Firstly, you can tie in some sort of inherent 'essence' of womanhood: that a woman in that position would be kinder, more generous, and more nurturing than a man would.

House of the Dragon season 1 didn't especially try to do this, but season 2 sure did. Suddenly, characters started telling us that Rhaenyra was the kindest and most peaceful contender for the crown, despite absolutely nothing in season 1 indicating that that was an especially tangible aspect of her personality. It's not clear when or why she started 'valuing the common people', as Mysaria puts it; she simply does, because she is Rhaenyra.

Unfortunately, the most basic possible plot elements of the story struggle against this characterisation: this is about a bloody civil war. If Rhaenyra were truly peaceful, she would not be going to war at all, and if Alicent were the same, she would never have goaded Aegon as she did, or gone along with Otto's plans. Not only does this heavily constrict the action of the story - the two must continually Not Do Things to show how peaceful they are, even as the other characters and audience alike scream for some sort of action on their part - it threatens the very premise of this 'aspirational' figure: Rhaenyra can't claim the throne merely because she deserves it, just like men have done before her, because that would not be Peaceful Enough. So instead, the writers concoct the prophecy - already loosely relevant to Rhaenyra at all - so that her grasping for power can be considered generous and good. Rather than standing her ground and having faith in herself, she instead becomes a passive receptacle for men's dreams (her father's and the original Aegon's alike).

In Barbie, this conflict is less obvious; however, when we consider the next problem below, it becomes quite jarring how much the Barbies' superiority is treated as ultimately inherently kinder than the Kens', without much real evidence. Any action the Barbies take is portrayed as good because it is non-violent, unlike the Kens, despite being intentionally hurtful, deceptive, and cruel.

The second and much more concerning way to find harmony between a high-ranking, high-status female character and the real-world oppression women face? Simply ignore all other oppressions rather than misogyny, and ignore any privilege the aspirational female characters have.

In both Barbie and House of the Dragon, the main character is treated by the narrative as an underdog, despite all evidence to the contrary. Barbie is a member of the elite, of an oppressive class who intentionally keeps her lowers underfoot. That isn't a malicious reading; the Kens are explicitly and intentionally compared to real-world women on multiple occasions (e.g. when it's joked that they might "someday" be able to become Supreme Court Justices). Rhaenyra at least has Aegon and his immediate family to compare herself to, as the currently-reigning king rather than the ousted 'true heir', but she is to literally every single other citizen of Westeros (and possibly Essos, too!) a higher power.

Despite this, House of the Dragon repeatedly shows an unwillingness to consider Rhaenyra's actual, practical power. Other characters gush over her kindness to the smallfolk, but when Rhaenyra comes on to a servant who repeatedly refuses her, is nonetheless treated as the victim due to her gender. And then again, when she begins a relationship with a servant, it's never considered for a second that there might be some abuse of power or coercion, merely because they are both women.

In Barbie, this cognitive dissonance is even stronger: the societal oppression of the Kens is treated as positive, merely because they resemble our world's oppressor class. In this sense, the movie posits an extremely simple, gender essentialist understanding of privilege: Women - inherently and regardless of their material or other circumstances - are victims, and Men are villains at worst and pathetic privileged crybabies at best. There is no room for any greater examination of discrimination; the secondary-character Asian Ken is treated just as much as an oppressor to the (white) Barbie as any other. Womanhood, it seems, is defined by being an underclass, even in a world in which by definition they are the rulers.

But nowhere in House of the Dragon does this mis-match of aims become clearer than in Alicent. Season 1 does well to show the ways in which she, despite being among the heir to a powerful noble family, is nonetheless oppressed on the basis of her gender: she is coerced to marry a man far older than her and to bear him many children regardless of her wishes, and may only wield true power in the realm when her husband is indisposed.

However, that oppression is still contextual - not absolute. Where Season 2 errs is in treating that oppression as fundamental to her entire character and plotline, despite she in truth being a proactive and significant mover of the events of the story.

When Alicent gives up Aegon's life to Rhaenyra - when she is told that she has not sacrificed anything, but must do, and she hesitates and agrees, because only with this will she finally be 'free' - she is treated by the narrative as a woman who has been so thoroughly controlled and degraded she has been driven to extremes. She is presented as a war-torn victim; somebody grasping at this one, limited, terrible piece of leverage in an attempt to save herself from the Hell she has had thrust upon her. For many women in real life, that would be an understandable and harrowing story, but for Alicent, it is simply not true.

Alicent is, in fact, a powerful political operative within Westeros. She had the ear of the King for many years, and attempted to use it to turn him against Rhaenyra and her children. She is the mother to the current reigning king - now barely into adulthood - and has had his whole life to mould him into whoever she wishes he could be, which - again! - she mostly seems to have used to convince Aegon that Rhaenyra is a threat who must be put down. She was not heavily constrained or controlled by the king, and did not fear him; nor did she fear her son, who she on multiple occasions slapped (an entirely ordinary mode of discipline for the time period). When her husband died, we got an entire episode of her conspiring and manipulating to take advantage of her family's position as the first on the scene so as to place Aegon on the throne, despite his lack of will or foreknowledge, in order to further their own ambitions and protect themselves.

Alicent is not merely an innocent victim of the patriarchy, however much the writers would like her to be in order to make the feminist statement they wish they could make. She is in fact far more responsible for this civil war than Aegon himself is, and arguably maintains a high level of influence and control over him even after he was crowned; certainly, once he was badly injured and disabled, it's easily apparent that she has more power than him, something Alicent herself admits when she attempts to defend his life to Rhaenyra.

Misogyny, unfortunately, does not justify her actions. She is simply in too different of a position from ordinary women for that to make any sense at all. If the writers had committed to the aspiration nature of the show and presented her as a powerful woman using everything at her disposal to get her way, just like men have done both within that universe and in our own, they could have told a compelling and unique story. The attempt to simultaneously craft a traditional feminist narrative of persecution and triumph despite the odds, instead, falls horribly and discomfortingly flat.

[senka-mesecine]

thoughts on a fic of the reader drinking with Barnes and getting handsy? :0

Tennessee Whiskey.

Robert Barnes x Reader.

---

gif by the wonderful @woman-with-no-name

---

-"Coffee, Sergeant?"-

Holding a canteen by its metal handle, the heat of the tar black beverage twirls and dances straight into the precipice of your nostrils when you approach Barnes with an inquiry, nose pointing at the bottle of Jack in his hand, already halfway drained. He was downing spirit like it was water. -"To take off the edge from that?"- You clarify once he gives you a look to establish exactly what you meant; usually no valid sign of inebriation on him even after severe alcohol intake --- even his gaze was as focused as sharp as ever; two piercing needles in a frame of blue. Three empty bottles surround him like so many captured trophies. -"I ain' even drunk yet."- He teases, slightly smug, and you believed him. You believed that liquor was like a river under the bridge for Barnes; it just flows away somewhere, washing over him and through him, leaving him keen, alert old self where it would wreck anyone else.

-"I know."-

Like a good sport, you let him have his point because it was truthful.

No use in denying it.

Fact is, you were convinced if he was handed a rifle he could just about shoot a pigeon in the eye flying even in this state.

-"Pretty fascinating, three bottles of Jack in."-

You have to assess, allowing a slight bit of amusement, however well meaning, to slip past the perimeter of you mouth. -"I'd be tipsy after one bigger swig."- You joke setting down the coffee canteen; nobody asked you to make one and certainly not Barnes himself, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't do this simply because you wanted to. For him specifically. -"Your constitution's really something."- You add as a way of a tiny tease and the gaze he gives you is inexplicably matter-of-factly, like he wasn't even going to deny it, however wordlessly. That's how Tennessee men are like, you borderline imagine him saying in the most puffed up way conceivable. At least Bob was, that's for sure. -"Still. Here you go, in case you change your mind. It's black, piping hot and it's strong."- You gesture to the coffee next to him set down on closed ammo crate. No milk. No sugar. -"You drinkin'?"- He asks, seated down on a collection of sacks serving to barricade up the premises of the foxhole, his legs sprawled out on the bare ground. Yeah, you came here looking for him to this lonely part of the camp. You understood most people here at base would almost call you a fool for searching for Barnes when it wasn't even absolutely necessary, warning you that if you go looking for the devil, you're likely to find him too. -"No, sir, sorry. More leftover for you."- You go the route of diplomacy and political correctness. No drinking on the job for you. Not to mention, however tempting the idea, you weren't lying or being overly humble; you'd probably be knocked out after two major swigs. Didn't possess Barnes's uncanny ability to hold his liquor. -"Straight from the bottle ain' for everyone."- He cocks his head ragging you. -"Same goes for them metal canteens."- He adds with a drawl pointing his chin at the coffee you've left him with, not a single sign of slurring from his lips. -"946ml's gonna knock'ya straight into next Monday and then you'll be useful to no one 'round here and I can't stand slackers."- He prods staring straight at you standing over him and somehow, merely the thought of disappointing Barnes leaves you crestfallen. You loved him. It was why you were disguising your partiality to him with the act of serving a superior officer coffee as mere deference.

His eyes linger during a moment of silence like he knew.

Barnes always stared at you like he was privy to your deepest secrets anyway.

-"Ever drink from sumn's mouth?"-

Your breath hitches in your throat not unlike an unchewed morsel of food.

Wait? Did you hear that correctly!?

-"Sir?"-

You stammer out, nearly choking.

That's...not where you figured this conversation to go; At best, you hoped you'd be dismissed, at worst, you figured he'd tell you to scram and leave him alone.

Barnes says nothing, he only glares --- he didn't like to repeat himself.

So you decide to answer the inquiry you've more than heard.

-"No?"-

You manage, admittedly awkwardly, chuckling. What a notion.

Was that slang for something? Drinking from someone's mouth? No? No, it wasn't.

It was very literal.

-"Thinkin' 'bout givin' it a shot anytime soon?"-

He continues and you swear you spot the hint of a grin, the image of his parted lips, the liquor warmed up by the cavern of his mouth and his swirling tongue allowing your own to exchange the fluid unwittingly makes you fidget. Sure, you thought of Barnes in colorful terms before, to put it lightly. For a long time, in fact. Although, you always figured you were allowed your own private musings, hearing them vocalized this openly and plainly --- was almost like being smashed across the face with a bag of bricks. You feel the blood accumulating at the tip of your scalp, leaving you woozy yet seemingly firm because you had to be --- last thing you wanted was for him to see how affected you were.

You straighten and smoothen your uniform, trying to maintain composure, bidding yourself not to look at his chest. You don't even notice when his hand put down the bottle of whiskey and reached forward to grab you by your arms and pull you down next to him, holding you in place, firmly, in front of him, on your knees. On attention. He was touching you. He was actually touching you. Squeezing. -"Sir, you're inebriated and it isn't right. For your sake, I mean."- You try to stay sane and level headed even though you realized your voice came through in breathy gasps, taken aback to the degree you felt your heart pumping in your chest, causing you to be overtaken by a confounded mix of shock and need. You could practically smell the liquor on him along with the bitter taste of tobacco and malt; on anyone else the pungent, salty scent of sweat would've been disgusting, but on him? You feel lightheaded. Maybe you were simply being biased. -"Y'think I'm gonna regret and beat myself up for kissin' Miss Daisy Sunshine with a mouthful of Whiskey when I sober up and go mopin' 'bout it to sumn'? Like all these cocksuckers wouldn't kill to be me right about now?"- He assesses stiffly; wasn't the lulling sway of liquor speaking through him. It was outright no-nonsense bluntness. Barnes was determined and focused as only Barnes knew how to be; you lower your gaze from the ardent task of staring at his scarred mouth not daring to meet his eyes when he was this close to you, subjectively fearing you'd get incomprehensibly burned by something if you did. You feel yourself grow red. Miss Daisy Sunshine? You're on the verge of smiling. -"No."- You respond weakly, having no strength or willpower to be any louder or more resolved right about now. No, you didn't think he'd go around complaining, no.

Just the thought of Barnes thinking kissing you would be the envy of the whole camp has something coiling around in your gut.

Flattery.

He was flattering you.

You felt flattered.

It was exactly what he wanted you to feel, you understood.

It was intentional.

He was always intentional.

-"C'mere."-

He pulls you closer, leaning back against the wall of sacks, practically tugging and pulling at the forearm of your fatigues, one hand letting go of you to take a swig of his bottle again, scar-riddled lips puckered as he holds his mouthful there. Tentatively, you get close until your nose was practically touching the side of his face and the push along the back of your head by his arm is unexpected but not unwelcome as the floodgates of his mouth open around yours roughly and the searing Whiskey's gone past your teeth, sliding off of his tongue into you. You swallow, unwittingly, the suddenness of the contact sending the alcohol rushing down your throat before you can cough forth the burning sensation only to realize Barnes has kissed you with his eyes wide open, never even blinking, as on guard as a snake --- once he separates himself from you, he's as composed as ever. -"It's the right dosage for'ya."- He teases, fully unfettered while you were there, woozy, wiping the side of your cheek of stray droplets and saliva, coming to the conclusion you were still held in the vice grip of his arms. He really had you use his mouth as a cup to drink from. Your tongue's numb and burning, but it was more than worth it. Barnes takes another swig, pinning you down with his gaze cast your way across the brown glass of Jack Daniels he was lifting and you understood what that meant. It was the equivalent of another shot being poured for you.

The coffee's cooling on the ammo crate, forgotten.

You figure it'll be long since cooled by the time you were done.

[danmeichael]

Top 10 BL's you've read for 2024?

the top in this 10 is "off the top of my head", tbh. i also didn't list ten, and these aren't in any particular order. these also aren't my all time favorites (necessarily. i think a couple on this list qualify)

Anotoki Kara Sukidattanda to Omo (and its sequel)

here's the thing: this bl is not good and most people aren't going to like it. it is schlocky, messy, and melodramatic, it's borderline surreal, extremely absurd, relentlessly horny, and it has the pacing of a tiktok edit to an early 100 gecs song set to 150% speed. very prototypical in a lot of ways, one of the most unique bl i've ever read in others. an absolute fever dream. but it's one of those things i read at just the right time, and there's something about it that means a lot to me. it's first so you understand how esoteric my taste gets right off the bat and have 0 expectations for anything else i put on this list. also some cws for this one so like you can dm me if you want to know.

Reunion (by 2coin and deulsum)

something you need to know about me is i really love manhwa that people think is boring and by god reunion is that bitch. long-winded, gently achy character study with identity porn. it's shockingly lowkey, grounded, and comforting to read for it's initial premise... that being "poor guy with terminally ill mother poses as the dead grandchild of a rich terminally ill old dude's nanny in order to pay for his mom's treatment and his brother's schooling and oh no there's this mean chaebol grandson who is obsessed with him except it's 7 years later and the chaebol grandson has amnesia and gives his boss a briefcase of cash to buy him" you'll see what i mean when you read it, it's really actually good. you'll like it if you like quiet slowburns.

Eat Your Heart Out (by Samak Satang and AI_tuner)

do you like scalies? do you like amazing worldbuilding? do you like plotlines about social class and eugenics? do you like yandere older brothers? do you like aggressive bottoms who are slutty and insufferable? do you like 2 and a half foot long dicks? boy do i have a one of a kind manhwa for you. eat your heart out was an unexpected delight right from the start due to it's amazing art and character design. but then i got to know helm and i fell deeply, deeply in love. he is just so fucking annoying and borderline unlikeable at times in a way that makes him an amazing protagonist. crazy about this one, a new favorite for sure. also i am not joking about dick size. you are reading "two and a half foot long dick" and thinking to yourself "surely, danny is exaggerating" i am not exaggerating. please pray for helm. he is not making it out alive.

Tameshi ni Komando Itte mita

if you like domsubverse you probably won't like this domsubverse. if you don't like domsubverse im also not sure if you'll like this. really, to enjoy this you should have a neutral opinion on domsubverse and a positive opinion on kissing the homies goodnight. dom getting dommed. sweet, bunny-soft, funny, and i just really love the relationship between the two leads.

90 Days for the Delicacy

phew, look at those two whole normal recommendations! time for bdsm and gore! i can't really tell you anything about the plot of this one without spoiling it. im sorry, i hate when people do that to me, too. if you know what my favorite manga are: this is in a similar genre.

Nekura to Gyaru Otoko

a simple manga about an outgoing gyaru boy, his childhood friend who has spent his life taking up as little space as possible, and the quiet, painful conflict that causes. one of the first manga i read this year that made a lasting impression on me. i love the art, i love the characters, i love the quiet moments in the story, i love it's bluntness, i love it's weight and temperature and how it tastes when i read it. a must-read for chronic doormats and those who would rather die than burden people they love, imo.

One Summer Day (by ker)

grim reaper fucks up a reaping reaaaal bad and has to babysit his charge until the paperwork comes in. unfortunately being still-alive when you're not supposed to be comes with some... side effects. such as becoming a huge murderslut. good news though! the cure for undead murderslutism is in fact nasty sloppy bareback marathon sex. this is by the same author+artist as sign and i absolutely love it. the characters are likeable and you can feel that this one is going to suckerpunch you with pain between the multi-hour fuckfests.

Spectrophilia

a young man is haunted by his past... literally. and, uh, hornily. after attending the funeral of his highschool bully/situationship/best friend the protagonist finds himself plagued by raunchy "dreams", the star of which being his dead friend. i think i started this in 2023 and i don't care you should read spectrophilia. the art style is really unique and im crazy about it. slow, quiet, a hint of yandere. don't ask me why two entries on this list feature dead people.

OΣG!!! = Oh My God

lets round this out with a banger i fucking love oh my god, it's great, it's gore-camp, it's playfully dark, and the characters are fun! it's a yandere serial killer/salaryman romance wrapped up in an amazing art style and slutty bloodsplatter. this one's light, easy, fun, and exactly what it's trying to be. i adore it.

[velvetvexations]

I think one of the main reasons I dislike Fantasy High Junior Year is because of the way it was marketed. Like, there's an entire video explaining how Kristen is gonna go through this major character arc and ditch some of her more wacky antics as she realizes that the chaos she creates isn't cute anymore... and then there's absolutely no payoff. Instead, Kristen is at her quirkiest and most chaotic and other than a few dressing downs from some NPCs that she completely ignores nothing happens.

Like, I've never had a problem with Kristen's disaster personality. I think they handled it just fine in the first two seasons so that she never became too annoying or unlikeable. But it's just dialed up to 11 in Season 3. To the point where its genuinely not funny. And if chaos isn't cute, that'd make sense. It'd be on purpose, so everything can come crumbling down Fabian style and she'd have to become a better person. But that doesn't happen. So you're left sitting through all this garbage with the promise of a payoff that doesn't exist, which just leaves you bitter at the end.

It's especially frustrating when a few characters try to lead her in that direction. Like, Riz is working his ass off to get Kristen the presidency, something she only really wants as an ego boost, with no real platform or plans she can think of. He's the one joining all the clubs. He's the one making all the plans. Hell, he's the one making sure they're all doing well in their classes. And it gets to the point where his mom flat out tells Kristen that Riz would make a better president than her.

In any other story, that would immediately que the audience in to how Kristen's arc is gonna get resolved. With her abandoning the presidency and giving it to Riz, apologizing for making him do so much work for her and rewarding him for his effort. This followed up by deciding to be better for Cassandra, another person she mistreated and took for granted.

But she doesn't. Instead, she just makes Riz her vice president at the end and pushes all the work onto him AGAIN, to the point where it undoes the only character development he got all season (him shifting back to coffee from tea the moment Kristen makes him VP). And it certainly doesn't help that its the middle class white girl making her poor minority friend do everything for her.

Like, why market it as Kristen getting serious when that doesn't happen? Why act like she has some arc when she doesn't? It only makes the audience bitter when they went in expecting serious consequences and got nothing.

The marketing was very weird. Not only was there the false advertising with Baron's second form, which really hurts me to say as someone who sees Dropout as a bastion of ethics-based capitalism, but something just didn't sit right with me about the hype blimey got when it happened. Like, yes, it was funny, but like...ultimately I was like, alright? It wasn't anything actually important? It was specifically something Brennan was once again pushing really hard for them to succeed at because it was something they had to pass to continue to the next leg of the story?

Back when the Second Place episode of Game Changer came out, I saw someone complain about Dropout going back to the Brennan monologue well. I was like, hey, I love that shit, if you don't like the premise of a show don't watch it, right?

But here the commercialization of the cast's quirks and specific styles might have, I think, crossed a line, because of just how underwhelming blimey was compared to how it was built up. Like, Ally's quirky insane rolls drive Brennan crazy, haha, okay. The Brennan monologue well is, IMO, far from dry, but D20's hysterical theatrics in situations like that is getting stale, or at least that's how it felt this season.

[centrally-unplanned]

I love deconstructing 'lifestyle' articles like these, they are such a gold mine of biases and narrative formation by the chattering classes. Here we have a wonderful premise:

Now, Ms. Margo is living a dream of many American women who are seeking relationships abroad, some of whom cite the toxic dating scene in the United States

Well, no objection from me that the US has toxic dating norms. But, hm, idk, 'many women' - is this a true trend amoung the American Female? Lets see who this article features:

Ms. Margo fell in love with the city (and its men). She found a gig teaching English in Paris and moved there after she graduated from Sarah Lawrence College in May 2019.

Okay, not *that* crazy but I do think I know what kind of Sarah Lawrence grad gap years in Paris before her law degree;

For Cindy Sheahan...At the end of 2017, she quit her job and traveled throughout Southeast Asia for leisure, and she started using Tinder.

That isn't...most people can't list as their full time job "Dating in Thailand";

For Frantzces Lys...she started a podcast called “Chronicles Abroad” with her co-host, who had met Ms. Williams, 40, in Malaysia. In 2018, Ms. Lys interviewed Ms. Williams, the founder of a consultancy, and the two kept in touch. They started dating years later.

Oh yeah the extremely relatable situation of a podcast host and boutique consultancy founder travelling to Mayalsia!!

“When you decide to just live your life for yourself, you actually end up stumbling upon people that match your energy and the same ideals and values,” said Ms. Lys, a 42-year-old founder of a wellness company.

Oh a wellness company, who hasn't founded one of those!!! And a link to their company, wow thanks NYT, that was definitely gonna be my follow-up for Ms. Lys:

Cepee Tabibian, who moved to Madrid at 35 from Austin, Texas, felt similarly.

Okay that could be normal, what do she d-

In 2020, she met her partner, who is Spanish. Now, she is the founder of She Hit Refresh, a community that helps women over the age of 30 move to a different country.

Jesus fucking Christ none of these people are real. They are full-hog in the industry of packaging and selling their Life of Insight & Discovery for $500 an hour over zoom sessions to non profits hosting leadership seminars, their dating isn't dating its brand management. I don't doubt they authentically love their life but this, shockingly, is not a trend, is not a sample, is not ethnographic data, this is an ad buy by a sliver of globe-trotting wealthy woman masquerading as journalism.

Absolutely the only relatable person is:

Alexis Brown, for example, noticed a lack of “effort and intention” from the men she was dating in Atlanta, where she attended Spelman College.

When she traveled across Europe for vacation from October 2022 to January 2023, however, the people she dated made it clear that they wanted to spend time with her.

Who takes way more words than is necessary to tell me she had a polycule stretching from Paris to Prague during her study abroad, which, good for her, that is what study abroad is for. Shockingly, this is not a new development in the collegiate experience!

Buried amoung the branded bullshit is Alexis's real gem and the only true 'thesis' of the article:

“The dating culture in the U.S. is that it’s cool and normalized to be indifferent to someone and not really express how you genuinely feel,” Ms. Brown, 23, said.

Which is essentially that in Europe people will "express emotion" unlike the cold, busy America. I don't doubt this, but I would hope a writer at the NYT's could have slightly more social awareness; the 'reason' Americans do not "express emotion" is that if they did you would dump them right on their ass on the first date.

Someone telling you, to quote Ms Margo:

“This one guy was like, ‘I ran through traffic just to look into your eyes once, and if you don’t want to go on a date with me, I can die happy knowing that I just met you,’” said Ms. Margo, a 28-year-old English teacher from Los Angeles.

As an opening line is cringe and uncomfortable, because they do not know you. They are lying and you know they are lying, it is a horrible foundation for a long term relationship. American dating norms have been hammering this lesson home on every participant (but if we are being honest, its primarily women hammering this home on men) and it is probably right to do. Anyone who does this lacks credibility.

But when you are in ~*Paris*~, you don't care about their credibility, because you lack it yourself. You are on vacation, you have no future, just a sequential present. If the guy who tells you your eyes are his world turns out to be a clingy failson who requires at least a blowjob a day to keep his mood stable, you can just *get up and leave the country*, you cannot be trapped because nothing is keeping you there. By placing an ocean between yourself and your social standing you can radically change your standards.

And you know what, there is something to that! Maybe the 18-point-checklist you mentally process every Tinder swipe through as you plan out your dream wedding on Cape Cod to a status-swollen ghost in a Tom Ford speckle-gray blazer while on lunch break from your quant analysis job at a digital marketing start-up in Chelsea isn't the best baggage to bring into a first date! Through radically shifting your social context it might be possible to jar your brain out of what is holding it back. Its not what you found in Paris, but what you left behind in America, that could actually make a difference... and that reality could give this article some heft.

But then say that instead of trying to sell me on the idea that:

For Ms. Margo, a Black woman who attended predominantly white institutions throughout her school years, she felt ignored in the United States, as if she “was not an option,” she said. In Paris she felt seen.

France is less racist than the campus of Sarah Fucking Lawrence against black people. No wonder the humanities are dying if they are teaching this level of self awareness.

[starplusfourletters]

I read specter of the past (hand of thrawn book 1)

This turned into a liveblog srry

Me, reading the Thrawn trilogy: Okay obvi Mara/Luke is a slow burn

Me, skipping to the duology set 10 years later: GUYS YOU’RE LOSING DAYLIGHT

Oh no they have a passive aggressive “may the Force be with you” / “good luck” thing oh no I might ship it

Also the small existential crisis that ensues every time I remember Luke is (checks Wookieepedia) THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. I cannot picture Luke Skywalker a day over 22 I think my brain would explode [actively represses the sequel trilogy]

This book is absolutely crawling with badass female smugglers and I’m living for it

Oooh proto-convor! [two pages later] OH NO PROTO-CONVOR DEATH ☹

Mara Jade, Force sensitive specializing in precognition, former Emperor’s Hand, second-in-command of the most powerful information dealing organization in the galaxy: Runs into a wall and spends the rest of the book knocked out

Lando “Could I Please Get Back to My Day Job It Has Been Two Decades” Calrissian. Just let the man mine in unlikely places it’s all he’s ever wanted

I got way too happy about the implication that the Imperial whose name I've forgotten figured out the tractor beam thing. He solved Science! Good for he!

Loving how everyone’s opinion on Karrde is basically “nice guy; sus that he insists on getting paid, though.” Like yes this is still a capitalist economy and he runs a business with a large number of employees

We interrupt your space fantasy to bring you a “Chicken Fried” music video with clone sleeper agents

Okay everybody place your bets is Car’das a secret brother, secret father, or ex-boyfriend (hype for some Karrde backstory and realizing the extent to which my brain has decided he and Kaz Brekker are the same person is Extensive)

Legit starting to feel sorry for Gilead “Sad Fascist Grandpa” Pellaeon. Somebody give this guy a peace treaty and a hug. Also more and more irked about No Prisoners why did that need a retcon

Really enjoyed the book’s interrogation of the premise “how do we actually make a galactic organization that includes cultures with mutually exclusive legal and ethical codes WITHOUT being fascist.” Felt very Trek. Actually went further toward radical inclusivity than Trek usually does; the Federation does have an element of “you must be this close to 20th-21st century American values to ride” which is its own kind of cultural imperialism and in this essay I will -

I simply cannot get enough of these books’ “protagonist stumbles, Kramer-like, into the Site of Maximal Galactic Importance Du Jour.” I will let you know when it stops being funny to me. Also really like how the villains are starting to learn to use it to their advantage; like yeah it DOES look like a conspiracy when you think about it

[wondereads]

December Reading Wrap-Up

The Villain Edit by Laurie Devore (★★★★☆)

I saw this author speak at Yallfest, hence why I decided to branch out quite a bit from my typical choices. The Villain Edit is a contemporary romance about a failed romance author who goes on a Bachelor-esque show to drum up sales for her backlist. She has a one night stand the day before production starts, who turns out to be a producer on the show. As much as this has the premise of a romance novel, I would consider it a contemporary novel with a strong side of romance. The focus is by and large on the development of the main character, Jac, as she struggles with her personal issues and starts to crack under the spotlight. I did enjoy the romance—even though the "love triangle" has a completely obvious end, Devore does some fun things with it—but I would have been perfectly content if Jac ended up alone, as long as she came to terms with herself.

Jac is a decidedly 'unlikeable' character, in both the show and the book, but she's highly entertaining to read about, and I felt a lot of empathy for her. She makes so many bad decisions and is unfailingly rude, but she rarely felt grating, even if I was banging my head against my steering wheel as I listened to the audiobook. There were some moments that felt a little misogynistic to me, but I think it was just playing into the dehumanizing aspects of reality tv. Even though this book is outside of my comfort zone, I had a great time with it, and it did a good job maintaining tension throughout.

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (★★★★★)

I am always blown away by how Tamsyn Muir constructs such intricate plots. I've read Harrow before, but I was still astonished by how neatly everything came together, each mystery playing into the others (I also have a crap memory so I forgot a lot of the book). Of the three Locked Tomb protagonists, Harrow is definitely my favorite. She's not 'funny' like Gideon or Nona, but she's snarky in her own way, and I have a soft spot for overachievers. She's also ridiculously competent and dedicated, and it's incredibly satisfying to see her always take it further than anyone thinks she will (soup).

Since I wasn't panicking about what the actual fuck was going on like the first time I read this, I got to slow down and take in more of the side relationships a bit more. Augustine and Mercy are both hilarious characters in their own right, and it's only multiplied when they're put together. I am an Ianthe hater (this would all be over if it wasn't for her), but she's just as compelling a character as everyone else. And then there's Jod. Fuck Jod. Anyway, on a technical level, Muir's writing is just breathtaking, with serious, flowery descriptions cut with hard-hitting, simplistic statements, occasionally lightened by humor that would be out of place in any other story. What an amazing book.

More books under the cut

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir (★★★★★)

It took me a while to decide to give Nona five stars. Not because it isn't a spectacular book, it is, but because I experienced so much emotional turmoil while reading it that I wanted to withhold a perfect rating out of spite. Paul?? You can't put Paul in a novel and expect me to reward you for it. And yet it's all so good there's no other option. I'm actually quite furious with myself that it took so long to catch on to what was happening. I've still got absolutely no clue how necromancy works, but it was very interesting to learn its origins, only recorded through Ye Olde Twitch.

I was very excited to see the return of a fan-favorite character. I was a bit worried she Came Back Wrong. She probably did a little, but for the most part it just seems like her own, genuine decision to behave in this way in some semblance of a quarter-life-crisis. The first half of the book is rife with amazing new relationships, though I am hesitant to describe it as found family as it only lasts around 300 pages before quickly becoming lost family (that's not a spoiler, Muir would never let anyone be happy). In terms of the worldbuilding, beyond the origin story, it was so interesting to see what life is like outside of the Nine Houses, and there are many new mysteries introduced. I think the thing I most want to know more about is what the hell is going on with the Resurrection Beasts. I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I wait news of Alecto eagerly.

For She Is Wrath by Emily Varga (★★★☆☆.5)

This started off as a very strong book. The story revolves around Dani, who used to be the daughter of an esteemed swordsmith before she was framed for the murder of a warlord and sent to prison. She is able to break out of said prison with the help of another young girl who just so happens to have a secret stash of magic. Dani puts this magic to use to disguise herself in order to infiltrate the royal court and take revenge on all who ruined her life—especially her former paramour, Prince Mazin..

I really liked Dani, the main character, and her pursuit of vengeance is a classic tale, even if this weren't a retelling. The very beginning is a little convenient (really, of all prison cells?), but once Dani is able to start working toward revenge I was hooked. I found the magic system intriguing, the romance had a lot of good tension, and it was incredibly satisfying to see the execution of said revenge. The big issue I had with this book was pacing. I seriously thought this would be the first in a series; it felt like there wasn't nearly enough time to do everything the characters wanted to in just over 400 pages. However, in the last 100 or so pages of this book, so much happens. A character is kidnapped and saved, an ill-advised bargain is made and broken, a big betrayal and a big reunion occur, on top of like seven other plot points. These major plot points, which would usually be given at least a full chapter if not multiple, were being cycled through with only a few pages each, not allowing the reader, or the characters, room to dwell on what was happening. It was so disorienting and unsatisfying that I docked what could have easily been a 4.5/4.75 star read down to 3.5.

The Last Graduate by Naomi Novik (★★★★★)

I don't really have much new to say about this one; I remembered it pretty well, I just reread it for potential use in my thesis. It was tough to stay focused on the actual reason I was combing through instead of just underlining every time El and Orion were in the same room. I continue to be obsessed with their relationship, even years after the series has ended. My favorite part of this book is probably the Scholomance itself; I love that it is shown to be somewhat sentient, even if it is only to fulfill the parameters of its creation. I honestly wish we could have gotten more of it as a character in its own right, but I know the plot wouldn't work otherwise.

The Golden Enclaves by Naomi Novik (★★★★★)

This one was a bit different. Still reading for my thesis, but I honestly forgot a good bit of the story, so there were some twists that surprised me once again. Novik is not subtle about the magical world being an allegory for ours, the fortunate creating problems (pollution, poverty, etc.) for the less so and needing to be forced to do something about it. The only truly fantastical thing about the whole situation is that El truly can single-handedly force them to care, which is quite cathartic to read. While there are a lot of new characters and relationships introduced in this book, and I'm a fan of all of them (particularly El and Liesel), my favorite is El's mom. Her and El play off each other well, and it's interesting to see the woman El constantly brings up in her narration.

Threads That Bind by Kika Hatzopoulou (★★★★☆.75)

I was not anticipating this book to be so good! Threads That Bind follows Io, who uses her skills as a Fate-born, allowing to see the threads of fate, as a private investigator in the city of Alante. Her latest case leads her to a run-in with an inhumanly strong and half-crazed woman who wields her own cut life thread as a weapon. Investigating the mystery leads Io to criminal gangs, up-and-coming politicians, and her own absent sister, all involved in something dark in the city's past. I think the mystery of this book was very good; I definitely had my suspicions for the ultimate culprit (and there were some red herrings that just felt unnecessary), but the process of Io discovering the truth was highly entertaining and it wasn't completely obvious.

I also loved the magic system! The idea of characters being distantly descended from various mythological figures, giving them appropriate powers, was very interesting, especially since it isn't the typical demigod approach. My favorite part of it is that the powers come in sets of siblings, each one playing a different role. For example, of her three sisters, Io is a Cutter, representing the Fate that cuts the threads of life, which allows her to sacrifice one of her own threads to cut someone else's. The worldbuilding is also one of my favorite tropes, which is that it seems to be Earth but far in the future, after some sort of climate disaster. I hope the rest of the series explains more of the history! Io herself was mostly a likable and easy-to-root-for protagonist. My one gripe with this book was that she felt a little too perfect sometimes, a lot of her mistakes and failings coming from her rough upbringing, not necessarily her personal flaws. Still, I enjoyed reading about her, and I really liked the romance. Her and Edei have a pretty natural progression from allies to friends to lovers that doesn't feel rushed, which is often an issue I have with YA romances these days. There was one thing I was hoping would happen, but I'm holding out for the sequel (the title, Hearts That Cut, bodes well). Overall, I really enjoyed reading this book, and I'm looking to get the second one soon!

Wolf Siren by Beth O'Brien (★★★★☆)

Can't say much about this one, it's unreleased and I read it for work, but it balanced an understandable middle grade writing style well with the heavy topics it addresses.

Forged by Blood by Ehigbor Okosun (★★★☆☆.25)

This one was a bit of a disappointment. Forged by Blood tells the story of Demi, an Oluso who can wield magic in a land that has forbidden it. She is hired by a lord to kidnap the prince of her kingdom, Jonas, in a deceptive bid to get him a higher position that would hopefully benefit her people. Demi does so with the help of her close friend, Colin, but a wrench in their plans requires them to go on a bit of a journey with the prince. This book isn't really advertised as such, but it's absolutely a romantasy, not a high fantasy. Demi's world is an unsubtle allegory for colonization, the northerners having overthrown the original royal family and oppressing literally everyone else. This is a typical plot, but it's not the unoriginality I have an issue with; it's the fact that the romance kind of neuters the whole metaphor. In an attempt to allow Demi a romantic relationship with Jonas, prince of her oppressors, the story has to take a whole forgiveness-and-collaboration approach to what is basically colonization, and it just misses the mark.

In general, I wasn't a huge fan of the romance in this book. There are a lot of plot gaps that clearly only exist to make room for popular romance scenes, and the romance just wasn't good enough for me to forgive that. I was sort of into it in the beginning, but that was more the concept; the characters don't really have much chemistry. The thing is, I really enjoyed Demi and Jonas as characters (Colin less so, he was clearly only there for love triangle drama). They're both passionate and dedicated, which the romance doesn't really add to. The magic system is also interesting, based on Nigerian mythology, but the book doesn't dwell on it as much as I'd like. Overall, there wasn't really anything egregiously wrong with this book, but it wasn't nearly as good as it could have been.

The Poppy War by R. F. Kuang (★★★★★)

Another thesis reread!

Impossible by Lyra Cole (★★★☆☆.75)

This book is an omegaverse about five incredibly damaged people. Indie is an isolated girl with an intense eating disorder who discovers that she is an omega. In this world, omegas and alphas live in relative secret, making the transition difficult for her on top of her psychological struggles. Meanwhile, Hollis, Joshua, Leon, and Risk are four alphas whose pack fell apart in a mysterious, violent 'incident,' leaving them all traumatized. Normally books like this shy away from the impact PTSD and depression can have on someone's life. Impossible doesn't sugarcoat how flashbacks and severe depression fuck with a person's psyche, which I really appreciated. This is first and foremost a romance book, but it still allocates a decent amount of time to discussing the characters' problems and their healing process.

Other than that, there is a loose political undercurrent in the story, things that have far too serious implications for an omegaverse romance duology. Concerning that, I would have appreciated more happening; I was anticipating a bit more conflict coming from that area. The romance itself is pretty good; Indie and Leon by far spend the most time together, so their relationship develops the most naturally. The others feel a bit rushed, but I still like them. The book feels a little vague and directionless, but I enjoyed the characters and romance.

Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (★★★★☆.5)

My longest read of the year tells the story of Phedre no Dalaunay. In the country of Terre D'Ange, there is one precept valued above all others: love as thou wilt. D'Angelines have a unique desire for beauty that presents itself in art, governance, and, crucially, sex. In the Houses of Night, which worship Namaah, sex is their method of tribute, and Phedre, sold by her mother to Namaah's service, has known all her life what she is meant to do. The only thing out of the ordinary about her is a red mote in her eye, Kushiel's Dart, which marks her as someone who experiences pain and pleasure as one. A noble, Lord Delaunay, takes notice of Phedre and purchases her indenture to then train her in the art of espionage. Her position allow her into places typical spies have no access to, and her skills loosen her clients' tongues. But Terre D'Ange is unstable, and her subterfuge leads her into a conspiracy to take a kingdom.

For a book published in 2001, this book is astonishing pro-LGBTQ and sex-positive. It portrays an understanding and healthy depiction of BDSM, draws a tasteful line between consensual sex work and rape, and boasts multiple characters that are openly queer. It's more politics and arranged marriages that get in the way of relationships than gender. This is also a complex and compelling political fantasy, pulling in court intrigue, diplomatic relations, and pretty good accuracy for medieval Europe (the map is just Europe, Terre D'Ange is France, it's not subtle). Phedre herself is a wonderful protagonist; she is dedicated, headstrong but clever, and knows how to utilize her talents to the best of her abilities. She has multiple entanglements throughout the course of the novel, but there are two main relationships, both of which were wonderful to read. One is a deadly dance, exploring the lines between love and hate, and one is complete devotion as the two go through hell together. Even for a book that discusses sex so openly, there actually aren't many sex scenes and most take up very little space; don't go into this one expecting a ton of smut. My only complaint is that the story does drag at times; it is over 1000 pages. I would read the trigger warnings before picking up this book, but otherwise I highly recommend it if you're looking for an in-depth political fantasy.

Otherworldly by F. T. Lukens (★★★★☆)

This was a cute, lighthearted paranormal romance between a goddess' familiar and a teenager who doesn't believe in magic. Ellery's region of the world has been stuck in an eternal winter for five years, but they might have a chance to save their city (and their family's farm) when they meet Knox, a familiar who's gone rogue for the chance to live his own life for once. The deal is simple: Knox helps Ellery discover why their Goddess has abandoned them, and Ellery helps Knox experience normal teenage things. Lukens has always been quite good at writing these cozy fantasy romances; they use magic tropes well to further the romance. I've previously had issues with them creating a world that 300-page romances just don't have time to explore, but this one was pretty self-contained and I didn't feel unsatisfied at the end.

The romance itself is very cute; Ellery and Knox play off each other well, and the story doesn't feel overly contrived or too rushed. I do think it's a little ridiculous that this one area of the world has been trapped in winter for five years and Ellery still doesn't believe in the supernatural. Oddly, it was the skepticism that broke my immersion. However, once they get past that, I thoroughly enjoyed the story. If you're looking for cute, fantastical romances, F. T. Lukens is a great bet, and I've enjoyed every book from them I've read.

[perpetualexistence]

Tell us about your other Alenoaheather AU(s). I know you have them. 🔫

- Totally not Ophe

Hello completely random anon whose identity will forever be a mystery!

See, with the way you've phrased this, you've actually opened yourself up to a few options. I'll tell you a little bit about each one and you can tell me which one you want to learn more about first.

Currently unnamed G/T Alenoaheather

Definitely the most detailed AU of the bunch. It's got backstories and character arcs for each of the three. Probably the best way to describe it is Urban fantasy since none of them are (completely) human, but they pretty much live in a modern setting.

It does get dark at times. Think Beastars-adjacent in terms of vibes. Including the murder bits. But it's mostly self-defense or being forced into it, so take that as you will. I will say that it's nowhere near the levels of toxic relationships that something like the Sea Monster AU has. And they do actually improve as people. These three still get drama mind you, but it's from keeping secrets rather than being genuinely manipulative. ...Well. Too manipulative. It does have Alejandro and Heather in it. But it's got fluff moments because fluffy giant/tiny dynamics are precious and must be preserved at all costs.

It's got Alejandro who's a giant-shifter able to grow even larger than most other giant-shifters thank to his Burromuerto heritage. The Burromuertos are a completely upstanding giant-shifter family and definitely don't have any incredibly fucked up family traditions they expect Alejandro to continue.

Noah's a were-mongoose. Werefolk come in a large variety, though mongoose is on the far more uncommon side. Unlike most werefolk, this kid genius actually figured out a way to not completely give into his instincts during full moons. This has absolutely no negative repercussions on his wellbeing.

Heather who's a giant-shifter hybrid unable to grow thanks to her human heritage from her father's side. She's the only one of her siblings unable to grow. She definitely doesn't have a complex about this. But she has managed to find her own way of making herself just as much of a physical threat as her two boyfriends. (Aka the day I take away from Heather's inherent badassery is the day I die.)

Serial Killer AU

It's exactly what it sounds like. With exactly the vibes the name implies. Definitely the darker one. They're just a thriving villain throuple with a body count. It's also mostly Noah-focused so far as I haven't figured out Alejandro or Heather's motivations.

Noah stumbles across a body of a serial killer spree, only to be the first to realize that one serial killer is actually two. Curiosity leads him to investigate...but not for the reasons you'd think.

(For this one that's pretty much all I can share before just going into the whole AU)

And then, on the completed side since might as well dump all the Alenoaheather AUs:

Noah and the Beanstalk

Another giant/tiny AU! This one's actually got its own post already. I don't really have anything else that I didn't already mention in that post. But it's my blog, so I'll advertise my own AUs as I please!

Collab AUs

The Royal Court AU

Originally named The Lords In Black AU because it was originally inspired by me watching an animatic of The Summoning from Nerdy Prudes Must Die. Then it evolved into something far beyond that where the name doesn't seem quite right anymore.

It's got Alenoaheather as the worst teens at school and unashamed about it. ...Until Alejandro goes missing, and nobody else really seems to care. Leaving Heather and Noah to investigate and try their best not to be next.

They fail, but hey, at least they get cool eldritch powers out of it!

This AUs also dark because the premise is them being kidnapped to be used as sacrifices. And it's got plenty of eldritch horror in it. The posts for it are scattered because they ended up going into two separate reblog chains with @total-drama-brainrot and @ur-local-brown-multifandomist. If you look up 'lords in black au' on my blog you should be able to find most of it. I'm going to just centralize it for ease of organization one day. It'll just be. You know. Effort.

Also, @ur-local-brown-multifandomist is currently making a fic for it! It's their first one, so feel free to check it out.

Fake Dating Alenoaheather AU

This one's a collab AU between me and @total-drama-brainrot, a person you have never met because you are a completely anonymous anon. Noah gets caught in between Heather and Alejandro's attempts to make the other jealous by each making him pretend to be their boyfriend. Shenanigans and drama ensue. The posts for this are also scattered and tagged on both our blogs, and one day we might make a fic about it. For now, there actually is someone already making a fic about it that you can feel free to read!

I still can't believe two different people decided to start making fic of AUs I helped create. It's wild, and I'm incredibly touched.

"Why are all of these AUs except for one dark in at least some way?"

I honestly couldn't tell you exactly why my brain works the way it does. It just decided that the two canon villains and one-villain coded teenager deserve to be at least a little feral. As a treat.

Maybe one day I'll have an AU with them that's not so dark. That day will be a surprise to us all.

But yeah, that's all of the Alenoaheather AUs I got! The first two I'm more than happy to go into more detail for if you ask!

[beyourlionheart]

WIP Whenever

Christening this brand new sideblog with a lovely tag from @emimayooo <3

Tagging: Absolutely anyone who would like to participate!! Please let me see your WIPs

This is a little bg3 bloodweave WIP that I found in my drafts from about a month ago. Will it actually become a publishable fic? Who knows.

The general premise is based on the early iterations of Gale that involved him having a rotting arm from the orb's presence. Astarion is, of course, nosy.

Read more under the cut.

WC: 935, Rating: T

When Astarion finally comments on Gale’s arm, it’s with even less tact that the wizard had come to expect from the vampire.

“Come on, just unwrap it. It can’t be any more unseemly than the rest of you, can it?”

A smile dances on his lips as his red eyes seem to egg Gale on. He had at least waited until the rest of their companions had gone to bed, leaving the two of them alone around the campfire, but Gale still finds himself frantically looking around to see if anyone had overheard. No one stirs. 

He had done his best to keep his orb-rotten arm underwraps — both literally and figuratively — since being picked up by the nautiloid. For the most part, he had succeeded. He had managed to keep his thick black glove covering his hand whenever anyone was looking, and his robes would hide the rest of his wrappings well enough. Dollops from a vial of sandalwood oil that he had so fortuitously kept on his person at the time of his capture had even managed to cover  the strange smell of otherworldly magic, so long as no one was intentionally pressing their nose to his wrappings.

How Astarion had managed to figure out his secret had only been made clear a few mornings into their journey, when Tav had emerged from their bedroll with an open wound on their neck to match the trickle of blood that had dried on Astarion’s chin. 

Of course Gale would manage to end up camping with a bloodhound. He narrows his eyes at the elf now, making it known that his comment is most unwelcome.

“My arm is none of your business, Astarion.”

“Isn’t it?” Astarion leans back, somehow managing to make the misshapen log he’s sitting on look comfortable. “We are traveling together, for better or worse. I have a right to know what troubles plague my companions, just as you all were so concerned about my vampirism.”

Gale’s lips curl into a sneer, which makes him feel very unlike himself. He rarely reacts this strongly to anything, but his arm is a particularly sore subject. 

It’s no small thing for a wizard to lose his arm. His leg would be a different story — he doesn’t need his leg the same way. Or, at least, he wouldn’t normally, when he’s lounging about his tower rather than trekking through the wilderness. His leg doesn’t cast spells or prepare food or flip pages in a book. It does not gesticulate or hold other hands or scratch behind Tara’s ear. His leg does very little other than get him from point a to point b, and Gale would happily sacrifice it if it were to mean his continued survival. 

But his arm… Gale rubs at his gloved hand absently, feeling that familiar numbness where the sensation of touch should be. It would be easier if it were simply lobbed off one day and he were forced to accept its absence and find new ways of existing. But this? This slow death? The mocking kindness of its continued semi-cooperation as he holds his breath and waits for the day when the nerves no longer respond to his brain’s instructions? It is a torture so cruel he can’t begin to describe it.

“Your vampirism is no concern to me as long as you keep your fangs out of my neck. Similarly, my arm is no concern of yours, ever. I’ve already told you everything you need to know about the orb, and my limbs pose no threat to anyone here.”

Astarion flashes sharp teeth but plays it off as a laugh. It feels like a warning. “Trust me, darling, my fangs will never touch your neck as long as you’ve still got that smell about you.”

Gale huffs and sits up straighter, trying not to be obvious as he deigns to sniff at the arm in question. It doesn’t smell particularly strongly to him today, but he does not have elven or vampiric senses. Perhaps it is as offensive as Astarion seems to think.

“If it smells so terrible then why in nine hells would you want me to unwrap it?” Gale asks warily. “One would assume that you’d keep your distance from something that makes your nose wrinkle so.”

The click of Astarion’s tongue reminds Gale very much of Lae’zel. They’ve all been picking up each other’s mannerisms. “I never said it smells bad, did I? It’s just… unnatural. Forgive me if I’m curious about the unnatural, given my condition.”

Silence blossoms between them as they study each other for a long moment. Gale’s not quite sure what to say — Astarion doesn’t seem to find the smell of his arm directly offensive, despite its current state, which Gale can only think to describe as decaying. 

Part of him wants to indulge Astarion’s curiosity. Gale had always fancied himself an adept teacher, when the moment to convey knowledge presents itself, and a surefire way to his heart has always been a keen interest in learning. 

A larger, much more damaged part of him can’t stand the idea of anyone — particularly Astarion — getting a glimpse of the true horror that his body had become. 

He purses his lips and then settles on: “I would suggest growing acquainted with disappointment, Astarion.”

The look Astarion gives him is, for the briefest moment, so sad that it takes Gale’s breath away. Before he can figure out the reason behind the harrowing gaze, Astarion’s eyes are dark and unreadable once more. “Believe me, disappointment and I are old friends.”

[oddygaul]

Gateway

Sure, Gateway is a science fiction book about humans exploring the vastness of space in the wake of a mysterious alien civilization. More than that, though, it’s a book about the psychological trauma inflicted upon those who embark on this sort of suicidal sci-fi adventure. It’s about how scary it is to make changes in one’s life or routine, and how easy it is to get caught up in cycles. It’s about a society that’s deeply uninterested in providing the support people need to deal with these problems. And the cool thing about Gateway is, these themes aren’t delivered only through metaphor, but through relatable, grounded, character-focused storytelling.

Mind you, Gateway certainly has its share of cool sci-fi shit. The premise is essentially that humans have found a big asteroid space station full of ancient alien spacecraft, and are enthusiastically using them to explore the universe despite not even knowing what most of the buttons do. Love that – we stan inscrutable alien artifacts left behind by millenia-dead precursor races here. This cavalier attitude towards scientific discovery feels incredibly human, too: it seems absolutely insane that people would sign up to travel in a reverse-engineered deathtrap they don’t know how to fly, and yet I know this would happen in a heartbeat if we discovered something similar.

The utter lack of human knowledge about the Heechee cloaks them in a fascinating aura of mystery, and Pohl understands the less-is-more approach. The protagonists don’t stumble upon some vast Heechee secret that grants us a profound insight into their culture; Gateway ends with us knowing as little about them as we did when we started. Whenever a Gateway neophyte asks their elders a question about the Heechee, their technology, or their ships, they get the same reply every time: “If you find out, tell us”.

— “There used to be a jokey kind of book they sold at the fairs when I was a kid. It was called Everything We Know About the Heechee. It had a hundred and twenty-eight pages, and they were all blank.” —

What sets Gateway apart, though, is not these cool conceits: it’s how grounded it is. Despite how amazing and singular the Gateway station is, the incredibly pedestrian way it’s been colonized and monetized makes it instantly believable. Soon after our protagonist arrives there, we are given in-depth accounting for exactly how much each person is charged to be there every day – and while the charge for lodging and meals is expected, the fact that it costs money just to breathe there due to the oxygen tax is a ruthless surprise. Its nature as a closed-system company town is taken even further by the fact that the only entertainment present is a corporation-owned casino – even if a prospector hits it big, the system is designed to keep the money from leaving the company.

On top of this successful worldbuilding, the human element is never overlooked or brushed aside. All the characters we meet react to the danger and stress of their situation in very realistic ways – and the danger is certainly immense. Out of 2355 total launches, only 841 ships have ever successfully returned – and not all of those with their crew intact. The working folk of Gateway station are called ‘prospectors’ for a reason: unlike in our reality, where space exploration is restricted to highly trained, multidisciplinary scientific specialists, Gateway has opened interstellar exploration up to the masses. While there’s a handful of characters with more in-depth astronomical knowledge, and the ‘new fish’ go through a few cursory educational courses, it’s pretty staggering how unprepared the folks sent out on these missions are, and the fatalities reflect that. Sure, if things go according to plan, anyone can ride out a months-long trip adrift in the stellar sea. But if anything goes wrong? If the equipment malfunctions, if they encounter unusual phenomena, if they’re forced to make judgment calls and do risk evaluation on an unknown alien planet? People die. Quickly.

Faced with such a daunting situation, different folks react in different ways. Some, like the Forehand family, know the score, and are willing to take any risk to better their lot in life. I know people like this. They’re the sort of people that will make changes in their lives fearlessly: moving to a new city, jumping to a new job the moment they’re unsatisfied, not letting complacency get in their way.

Some, like our protagonist Bob Broadhead, get stuck in a cycle of indecision, too afraid of the unknown to abandon the little shred of constancy they’ve found. Despite having left everything behind to travel to Gateway and become a prospector, the likelihood of imminent death is too much for Bob to bear once he’s face-to-face with it. It’s not only relatable, but refreshing, to be honest; sci-fi / adventure protagonists that are willing to leap into danger at a moment’s notice are a dime a dozen, but it’s shockingly rare to see life-or-death risk treated with the gravitas it deserves.

And as for the characters that do make it out? Every one of them comes back traumatized, in one way or another. Whether something happened to them personally, or they’ve got plain old survivor’s guilt from watching their companions become lost to the void, prospectors come back broken… and the only positive outcome they can hope for is to have found something worth enough to the company that they’ll be able to afford a comfortable life and the mental health care they now need.

Gateway is not about how we can change the world; it’s about how easily the world can change us.

— “I WILL massage your seven points if you will read Gibran to me. Nudity optional. 86-004.” —

Gateway was written in 1977, and at first, I thought it was just problematic the way lots of sci-fi from that era is: filled with heaps of the author’s antiquated views on women, gender issues, sexuality, and race. The thing is, contrasted with work by the likes of Arthur C. Clarke or Larry Niven, these takes genuinely strike me as a character choice, rather than the views of the author seeping through. 

Bob is a very flawed protagonist – the whole damn book is about him going to a psychiatrist, working through his trauma, and recognizing his own deficiencies as well as how and why they’ve hurt those around him. Especially given the strength and intentionality of Pohl’s prose, it doesn’t feel far-fetched that he’s using this casual racism and toxic masculinity to paint a picture of a particular sort of emotionally unavailable, non-introspective man.

And ultimately, what makes Bob Broadhead a compelling protagonist isn’t heroism, charisma, or a cool head in the face of danger. He’s a compelling protagonist precisely because he’s an indecisive, abusive schmuck that desperately needs therapy.

— “DO YOU have a sister, daughter, female friends back on earth? I’d like to correspond. Ultimate object matrimony. 86-032.” —

Explicit ending spoilers ahead.

The catastrophic mission that is the source of Bob’s biggest, lingering trauma is alluded to from the very beginning of Gateway, and is alluded to often enough that I became skeptical it would measure up to the expectations Pohl was setting. I was wrong, though – the situation Bob finds himself in is a nightmare scenario I’ll not soon forget. 

Essentially, his last expedition takes the crew vanishingly close to the event horizon of a black hole, with their only hope of escape being to jettison one half of the ship into the black hole to propel the rest back out. Bob gets stuck on the opposite side as everyone else, ready to die, but somehow, the plan goes backwards and Bob is pushed free of the event horizon alone, with the remaining crew sucked into the black hole, never to escape.

— “Obediently I reconstruct the situation in my mind. There I am, talking to Klara on the radio. Dane is shouting something in the lander. We’re all frightened out of our wits. Down underneath us the blue mist is opening up, and I see the dim skeletal star for the first time. [...] It stinks of vomit and perspiration. My body aches. I can remember it exactly, although I would be lying if I said I was letting myself feel it.” —

The fucked up thing about this is, this isn’t your run-of-the-mill survivor’s guilt. It’s not that he watched his whole crew die, while he goes on living – due to the relativistic nature of time in a black hole’s event horizon, they’re still alive. Even decades after the expedition, as Bob lives on day to day, and even when he’ll be on his deathbed, fading away… his entire crew will be essentially frozen in that single moment forever, trapped like flies in amber, watching him escape and thinking he doomed them all to save his own skin.

God damn.