#its the most absolutely unlikely premise

[littleeyesofpallas]

87CLOCKERS

[subway-boss-jericho]

Queuing posts for most of my AUs! Check out this Masterpost! (Disclaimer! - Please don't comment about their iconic knife bangs! I left them off this reference to keep their faces fully visible.)

Mechanical Dreams (can you hear the cogs clicking?)

-Premise- Alright. Bear with me, this one is very, very different. To give you the elevator pitch summary, I had a dream involving my version of Ingo from Steady Tracks except instead he was a hundreds-feet-tall mecha robot trapped under the ocean. Everything else is stuff I have worldbuilt around this concept in order to make the timeline of events make sense. Cool? Cool.

If that sounds interesting enough to read the less summarized version (LONG), get ready for one hell of a canon divergent crack AU:

Ingo and Emmet are both native-born Hisuian and proud members of the Pearl Clan. Unlike most members of their clan, they do not fear most pokemon. For a reason neither of them can place, they've always gotten along with them a little better than they did with other people. They've spent a lot of time getting to know pokemon, learning to battle alongside them, and bonding with them.

One night changes everything they've ever known. Young and bright, no older than 19, the two of them share a foreboding and brilliant dream.

Mighty Sinnoh approaches them face to face, speaking of an unknowable calamity on the horizon. Pokemon overflowing with incredible power- interfering with their natural ability to shrink, forcing them to grow taller than the mountains. In a blind rage of unbearable, uncontainable energy, they will ravage the lands of all living things. These will be known as the Darkest Days, when rifts in time and space bring Dynamax Energy down on Hisui.

Sinnoh has waited patiently to interfere with this disaster, observing each candidate and deliberating over who to designate as its heroes. After all this, the twins are Sinnoh's first choice. Should they choose to accept this duty, they may take the power to prevent this crisis into their own hands. Should they choose to deny it, it will continue to the next candidates it has selected until someone agrees to its terms.

It has chosen them because of their synchronicity, their bond, and their compassion for the pokemon of the region. If they bear this duty, one of them will become an overwhelming force- As powerful, if not more so, than the pokemon that will rise to challenge them. He will become a work of machinery so beautiful and so complex that he will rival work made in centuries to come- So impossibly grand that he will take on life incomparable to any creature or mechanism that has or ever will walk the earth.

In order to sustain such a life, this is what will become of the other: A being overflowing with energy and will. The ability to command metal with only the thought of desire, the knowledge and dominion over electricity to know and understand all things made of them. With these he can repair and protect the other, just as the other defends and protects all the region. He will be made brilliant just as his brother, but will remain of flesh and blood to ensure both are separate in the restrictions of their capability.

Their lives will entwine, ensuring the safety of both so long as both desire the safety of the other. The machine will power the soul, a fortress of steel defending the lives of both. So long as the machine does not perish, the engineer will never be susceptible to his own mortality. Neither age nor injury will prevent him from returning to the other's side.

With this overwhelming duty, impossibly vast opportunity laid out in full before them, the twins need to talk. More than anything, they need to decide. Will they? Yes. Absolutely. They could pass this on to someone else, but both of them would rather be able to ensure the safety of their brother with their own power.

It is decided that Ingo will become the Grand Machine, and Emmet will take the mantle of the Engineer. Ingo has always been in awe of strong moves, but more than this, it gives him the chance to take direct action in preventing any harm from ever coming to Emmet. As the (slightly) older of the two, he feels strongly about taking responsibility. Emmet has made his choice for the very same reason. Whoever is the Engineer can take direct action to ensure the safety of the Machine. He can protect his brother and keep him safe, and he will always be the first at his side in the line of fire.

With this, their shared vision comes to an end. They provide whatever explanation they can to the clans, to their family, before they set off together to the peak of Mount Coronet.

Emmet steps forward first, to receive the blessing that will change him. With the touch of their maker, his hair is shifted to a brilliant snowy tone- Eyes a bold and electric blue as a flowing coat of white and gold rests over his shoulders. He shines like a man of royalty- change arriving in another wave of light as he finds himself remarkably taller. The two brothers share a moment to revel and celebrate all of these verrry cool blessings!! Younger swinging older into the air in an expression of joy, hugs shared fiercely at the same size again as Emmet discovers his choice between old and new.

They share quieter words of comfort, of assurance. Ingo steps forward to receive his blessing. He turns with a smile on his face, a last look to his brother with the touch of his maker as Emmet sees his eyes glow vibrant blue- Before a torrent of metal sprouts from his back, encircling him completely. It warps and twists like the stem of a growing tree, walls of steel rising into the sky like a tower, faster than human hands could ever build.

When they return from the mountain, they are changed. They are twins, they are brothers, they are Ingo and Emmet. But they are impossible, they are changed to unknowable depths. They are not the same as when they left.

The Giant of Steel and The Engineer alter the fate of the region in more tales than can be catalogued here alone, preventing the deaths of many and earning the respect of every faction. Members of each walk of life vow to join them, becoming a part of Ingo's Crew.

When all is finally over, the final battle comes long after the danger has passed. None were expecting a last straggler, and none were prepared for the inky tendrils of the siren's grasp. The water was never Ingo's ally, but he would never let it be his crew's grave. He forces them to evacuate, the crew taking The Engineer with them to escape the soul-stealing songs of Gigantamax Jellicent. At the cost of his own safety, he brings down the final Dynamax threat once and for all. Consciousness fading, he crashes into the ocean- tsunamic shockwaves sending escape pods tumbling to shore.

Emmet, with all his abilities and tools, does not have the resources alone to craft something with the strength to rescue Ingo from the ocean floor. As days pass, he finds himself fading- He knows what this is, he must always know. Emergency hibernation. In his last days awake, he begs the people of Hisui, his friends, his Crew, to save his brother's life. To save him, when he cannot.

Emmet falls into an indominable slumber, kept safe from the elements in a case of wood and glass he assembled himself. The ocean is quiet, the threat is gone. The Dynamax War is over.

The crew which had endeared themselves to these strange, dedicated, charming, and incomprehensible yet so human twins, vow to repay their dutiful protection by rescuing Ingo from the water's depths.

And so time begins to pass.

-Noteworthy Points- I can't believe I'm posting this online where people can see it haha. Please be nice to me 😂 This is the longest post I've ever made. I hope that summary is to your liking because I am (grinding teeth) not kidding. that's the best way I know how to summarize this ENTIRE plot I made. Based on a dream I had one time two years ago!

Things to note! Ingo and Emmet are both capable of size-shifting but to very different degrees. Ingo is 120ft tall in his Off-Duty form, but can assume an Active Threat mode which allows him to scale up to 400ft tall. Emmet can shift between on/off duty forms also, but the difference is 8ft (Extremely Tall) to his former height somewhere around 5'10" (Above Average)

To re-say what arceus blessed them with in a way that is less cryptic: Ingo is a Mecha. He is bio-mechanical, sort of like a cyborg? In essence, he is an otherwise impossible combination of man, pokemon, and machine. He has a pokemon type and can use various moves. He also operates using a hell of a lot of complex machinery, but retains his humanity and thought. There is nothing else like him! Also he's fucking huge as I mentioned a second ago. He's made to be manned by a crew and has lots of hollow space, rooms, and other things required for life onboard. He also has an internal computer that helps him micromanage everything he needs to know about himself, who is onboard, what he is doing, and what other people are doing. Essentially, he has multiple trains of thought he can use simultaneously in order to help him keep up with everything. Because of this, he also can process information at a speed faster than a normal person is capable of by a significant margin.

Emmet has Technokinesis, and is capable of understanding how any machine works by observing it. He is capable of inventing or assembling machines that are far beyond his time, and can disassemble anything and put it back together with no issue. He has some amount of heightened/super speed, but not on a 'speedster' level of crazy, just unnaturally fast. He has a bigger reserve of energy as well than any normal person would have, and can think/process things at an unnatural speed. This helps him keep up with Ingo, although his processing ability is still a bit slower than his. Emmet also has hammer space with his coat pockets and can magically equip/unequip his coat at any time.

I have so much world building that I genuinely can't put it all in the notes here. There is so much shit to unpack, please understand I've basically made this entire goddamn narrative from scratch in my head and with the help of a close friend. This is me being turbo mentally ill

If I had less self control I would keep writing but I think I've given you all enough to understand the concept and I need to shove this in the queue before I miss the posting time <3 have fun

-Links- Currently none! I will update this post with links to comics/art/writing if/when I post any!

[sillylilyposting]

People are to willing to legitimize

Oh boy let's see what she means by legitimize

The whole point of lolcow culture is to ruin people's lives for fun.

No the plan is to extract the funny from it.

So when you come out trying to Critique target is a terrible person but - you've already given it to much legitimacy by treating it as a trustworthy source of information

You don't become immune to criticism because people don't like you

People made careers out of turning Christine Chandler's life into a real world Truman show,

Just call her Chris-chan? Also no people interacted with her videos she herself was putting online, her own website and uploads. Also how does this theory track with Yandev, Nikocado, etc who just did weird things with little to no prompting?

With her every action scrutinized and documented to a degree that serial killers subjected too.

Again she made videos consistently of herself by herself

Without that stalking, without the way people sought to push her to do something to keep the entertainment going, without people actively conspiring to drive her insane, she would not have been noteworthy enough for any of the things she done to be worth remembering.

I'll agree some of the stuff she did was prompted by other people's bullying and prompting, she still did bizarre things in her day to day without it but she still filmed and explained her odd acts and lest we forget nobody made her SA her mother! Just like nobody made Yandev be a pedophile there is no excuse of: "The meaning internet people made me!"

_

Hell, without all that, it's unlikely she would have ever done most of the shit she's done.

Provably wrong

Its only the very fascist harassment that made her actions probable or noteworthy in the first place.

So to try and condem lolcow culture, while judging the target based on information only avaliable BECAUSE of lolcow culture is completely fucking backwards. Furthermore it's how they recruit.

I can't keep restating facts... uh chrischan made video herself! So, quite literally what your trying to do here condem the culture with info avaliable because of it, this argument eats itself, christ.

Every single mother fucker who rots on kiwi farms started from the premise that "kiwi farms is terrible, but they've got it right this time about [minor e-celeb you are way too obsessed with] and their hook are in you. Because your on the site reading a thread on the person you hate, and since your there you might as well read a few more

Never used Kiwi farms myself, don't plan to, you have a plenty of stupid harmful and wrong takes regularly avaliable. You keep shifting the argument as you finish each paragraph, a goldfish would be more focused than you

And now they have their hooks in you, You're a nazi

Nazis, Hooks, Kiwis, scary stuff girl. I wasn't aware Kiwi farms acting like Frostmourne or is it more like the One Ring?

Multiple times in the past someone has come to be about someone supposedly being predatory and linked to Kiwi farms thread going "i know is awful but..."

Holy fuck this post is so long... does that mean the people who dm you are all Arthas?

_

No if it comes from Channer (channel?) trash, it is automatically a lie. They do not care about the things they pretend to care about.

Joon the king, sai, Ant, etc vague post, Journalists cover stories girlie, they can be as invested as they want personally and can push a narrative if they are inclined but the mark of a good journalist is presenting a story as unbiased as possible, I am not saying Kiwi farms writers are unbiased or journalists.

They care only about ruining the lives of trans, mentally ill and neruodivergent people for their own entertainment. Truth, Lies, it doesn't matter to them. Both are equally valid for their goals.

Lily seems to want to push the narrative that there are absolute sources of information... dangerous and vaguely authoritarian. There is such a thing as GETTING A SECOND OPINION!

If you were abused by someone and you went to Kiwi farms to give testimony: no you weren't. you're a liar, and you know you're a liar. You wouldn't be there if you weren't.

Not letting "These people who claim victim hood are 100% lying, and don't you doubt me when I tell you that" slide here

Lolcow culture should be inadmissible the court of public opinion.

Glad you added the court of public opinion, thought you were posting this as you got shoved into a cop car

So long as that continues to not be the case the harassment the stalking would only get worse.

Do stupid things win stupid prizes

And you can't buffer your criticism of it by agreeing with them.

The dumbest take she's made, its not weird that when someone accuses you of in decending order Rape, Grooming, and Incest Fetishism that agreeing to it would and SHOULD make the situation worse for the RAPIST

That POST WAS TO FUCKING LONG OH MY FUCKING GOD!

[chemicallywrit]

It is @itmeblog's birthday and it's very important that you all know that InCo and Stories from Ylelmore absolutely slap.

There are a number of audio dramas that are like "if ____ was actually good instead of just a neat premise!" Starship Iris to Firefly, Sherlock & Co. to Sherlock...InCo is that for Star Wars. This microfiction podcast is better than Star Wars. Unlike Star Wars, InCo actually puts its trust in the most normal normie to save a planet and uncover a political conspiracy and be besties with a kid who desperately needs it. InCo believes that doing the right thing SUCKS and you don't always get away with it and it doesn't always work, but you try anyway, because what are you going to do? Not?

Stories from Ylelmore is similarly extremely human. I was a weird kid. I know what it's like to be a weird kid. When you are a weird kid, you are buried under the inescapable weight of your own weirdness. It's easier with friends. I wish I had had friends like the kiddos in Ylelmore, and I'm so glad that they have each other.

Also, the worldbuilding in both stories is:

Consistent

A constant slam dunk

On ItMe's birthday, I'm grateful for the person ItMe is and the art that fae makes, and I hope faer birthday has been fantastic.

If you want to give fae a birthday present, go listen to faer shows and maybe buy faer a ko-fi!

[22degreehalo]

I think, to me, House of the Dragon s2 has the same base conceptual problem as the Barbie movie: it wants to tell an aspirational story about women succeeding in ways that real women usually aren't able to, by means of a fantastical setting, but also wants most if not all of its messaging to be relevant to real-world women.

To overcome that conflict - to spend so much time making the character 'relatable' while also putting them into an intentionally and purposefully unrelatable position - you have two major options.

Firstly, you can tie in some sort of inherent 'essence' of womanhood: that a woman in that position would be kinder, more generous, and more nurturing than a man would.

House of the Dragon season 1 didn't especially try to do this, but season 2 sure did. Suddenly, characters started telling us that Rhaenyra was the kindest and most peaceful contender for the crown, despite absolutely nothing in season 1 indicating that that was an especially tangible aspect of her personality. It's not clear when or why she started 'valuing the common people', as Mysaria puts it; she simply does, because she is Rhaenyra.

Unfortunately, the most basic possible plot elements of the story struggle against this characterisation: this is about a bloody civil war. If Rhaenyra were truly peaceful, she would not be going to war at all, and if Alicent were the same, she would never have goaded Aegon as she did, or gone along with Otto's plans. Not only does this heavily constrict the action of the story - the two must continually Not Do Things to show how peaceful they are, even as the other characters and audience alike scream for some sort of action on their part - it threatens the very premise of this 'aspirational' figure: Rhaenyra can't claim the throne merely because she deserves it, just like men have done before her, because that would not be Peaceful Enough. So instead, the writers concoct the prophecy - already loosely relevant to Rhaenyra at all - so that her grasping for power can be considered generous and good. Rather than standing her ground and having faith in herself, she instead becomes a passive receptacle for men's dreams (her father's and the original Aegon's alike).

In Barbie, this conflict is less obvious; however, when we consider the next problem below, it becomes quite jarring how much the Barbies' superiority is treated as ultimately inherently kinder than the Kens', without much real evidence. Any action the Barbies take is portrayed as good because it is non-violent, unlike the Kens, despite being intentionally hurtful, deceptive, and cruel.

The second and much more concerning way to find harmony between a high-ranking, high-status female character and the real-world oppression women face? Simply ignore all other oppressions rather than misogyny, and ignore any privilege the aspirational female characters have.

In both Barbie and House of the Dragon, the main character is treated by the narrative as an underdog, despite all evidence to the contrary. Barbie is a member of the elite, of an oppressive class who intentionally keeps her lowers underfoot. That isn't a malicious reading; the Kens are explicitly and intentionally compared to real-world women on multiple occasions (e.g. when it's joked that they might "someday" be able to become Supreme Court Justices). Rhaenyra at least has Aegon and his immediate family to compare herself to, as the currently-reigning king rather than the ousted 'true heir', but she is to literally every single other citizen of Westeros (and possibly Essos, too!) a higher power.

Despite this, House of the Dragon repeatedly shows an unwillingness to consider Rhaenyra's actual, practical power. Other characters gush over her kindness to the smallfolk, but when Rhaenyra comes on to a servant who repeatedly refuses her, is nonetheless treated as the victim due to her gender. And then again, when she begins a relationship with a servant, it's never considered for a second that there might be some abuse of power or coercion, merely because they are both women.

In Barbie, this cognitive dissonance is even stronger: the societal oppression of the Kens is treated as positive, merely because they resemble our world's oppressor class. In this sense, the movie posits an extremely simple, gender essentialist understanding of privilege: Women - inherently and regardless of their material or other circumstances - are victims, and Men are villains at worst and pathetic privileged crybabies at best. There is no room for any greater examination of discrimination; the secondary-character Asian Ken is treated just as much as an oppressor to the (white) Barbie as any other. Womanhood, it seems, is defined by being an underclass, even in a world in which by definition they are the rulers.

But nowhere in House of the Dragon does this mis-match of aims become clearer than in Alicent. Season 1 does well to show the ways in which she, despite being among the heir to a powerful noble family, is nonetheless oppressed on the basis of her gender: she is coerced to marry a man far older than her and to bear him many children regardless of her wishes, and may only wield true power in the realm when her husband is indisposed.

However, that oppression is still contextual - not absolute. Where Season 2 errs is in treating that oppression as fundamental to her entire character and plotline, despite she in truth being a proactive and significant mover of the events of the story.

When Alicent gives up Aegon's life to Rhaenyra - when she is told that she has not sacrificed anything, but must do, and she hesitates and agrees, because only with this will she finally be 'free' - she is treated by the narrative as a woman who has been so thoroughly controlled and degraded she has been driven to extremes. She is presented as a war-torn victim; somebody grasping at this one, limited, terrible piece of leverage in an attempt to save herself from the Hell she has had thrust upon her. For many women in real life, that would be an understandable and harrowing story, but for Alicent, it is simply not true.

Alicent is, in fact, a powerful political operative within Westeros. She had the ear of the King for many years, and attempted to use it to turn him against Rhaenyra and her children. She is the mother to the current reigning king - now barely into adulthood - and has had his whole life to mould him into whoever she wishes he could be, which - again! - she mostly seems to have used to convince Aegon that Rhaenyra is a threat who must be put down. She was not heavily constrained or controlled by the king, and did not fear him; nor did she fear her son, who she on multiple occasions slapped (an entirely ordinary mode of discipline for the time period). When her husband died, we got an entire episode of her conspiring and manipulating to take advantage of her family's position as the first on the scene so as to place Aegon on the throne, despite his lack of will or foreknowledge, in order to further their own ambitions and protect themselves.

Alicent is not merely an innocent victim of the patriarchy, however much the writers would like her to be in order to make the feminist statement they wish they could make. She is in fact far more responsible for this civil war than Aegon himself is, and arguably maintains a high level of influence and control over him even after he was crowned; certainly, once he was badly injured and disabled, it's easily apparent that she has more power than him, something Alicent herself admits when she attempts to defend his life to Rhaenyra.

Misogyny, unfortunately, does not justify her actions. She is simply in too different of a position from ordinary women for that to make any sense at all. If the writers had committed to the aspiration nature of the show and presented her as a powerful woman using everything at her disposal to get her way, just like men have done both within that universe and in our own, they could have told a compelling and unique story. The attempt to simultaneously craft a traditional feminist narrative of persecution and triumph despite the odds, instead, falls horribly and discomfortingly flat.

[senka-mesecine]

thoughts on a fic of the reader drinking with Barnes and getting handsy? :0

Tennessee Whiskey.

Robert Barnes x Reader.

---

gif by the wonderful @woman-with-no-name

---

-"Coffee, Sergeant?"-

Holding a canteen by its metal handle, the heat of the tar black beverage twirls and dances straight into the precipice of your nostrils when you approach Barnes with an inquiry, nose pointing at the bottle of Jack in his hand, already halfway drained. He was downing spirit like it was water. -"To take off the edge from that?"- You clarify once he gives you a look to establish exactly what you meant; usually no valid sign of inebriation on him even after severe alcohol intake --- even his gaze was as focused as sharp as ever; two piercing needles in a frame of blue. Three empty bottles surround him like so many captured trophies. -"I ain' even drunk yet."- He teases, slightly smug, and you believed him. You believed that liquor was like a river under the bridge for Barnes; it just flows away somewhere, washing over him and through him, leaving him keen, alert old self where it would wreck anyone else.

-"I know."-

Like a good sport, you let him have his point because it was truthful.

No use in denying it.

Fact is, you were convinced if he was handed a rifle he could just about shoot a pigeon in the eye flying even in this state.

-"Pretty fascinating, three bottles of Jack in."-

You have to assess, allowing a slight bit of amusement, however well meaning, to slip past the perimeter of you mouth. -"I'd be tipsy after one bigger swig."- You joke setting down the coffee canteen; nobody asked you to make one and certainly not Barnes himself, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't do this simply because you wanted to. For him specifically. -"Your constitution's really something."- You add as a way of a tiny tease and the gaze he gives you is inexplicably matter-of-factly, like he wasn't even going to deny it, however wordlessly. That's how Tennessee men are like, you borderline imagine him saying in the most puffed up way conceivable. At least Bob was, that's for sure. -"Still. Here you go, in case you change your mind. It's black, piping hot and it's strong."- You gesture to the coffee next to him set down on closed ammo crate. No milk. No sugar. -"You drinkin'?"- He asks, seated down on a collection of sacks serving to barricade up the premises of the foxhole, his legs sprawled out on the bare ground. Yeah, you came here looking for him to this lonely part of the camp. You understood most people here at base would almost call you a fool for searching for Barnes when it wasn't even absolutely necessary, warning you that if you go looking for the devil, you're likely to find him too. -"No, sir, sorry. More leftover for you."- You go the route of diplomacy and political correctness. No drinking on the job for you. Not to mention, however tempting the idea, you weren't lying or being overly humble; you'd probably be knocked out after two major swigs. Didn't possess Barnes's uncanny ability to hold his liquor. -"Straight from the bottle ain' for everyone."- He cocks his head ragging you. -"Same goes for them metal canteens."- He adds with a drawl pointing his chin at the coffee you've left him with, not a single sign of slurring from his lips. -"946ml's gonna knock'ya straight into next Monday and then you'll be useful to no one 'round here and I can't stand slackers."- He prods staring straight at you standing over him and somehow, merely the thought of disappointing Barnes leaves you crestfallen. You loved him. It was why you were disguising your partiality to him with the act of serving a superior officer coffee as mere deference.

His eyes linger during a moment of silence like he knew.

Barnes always stared at you like he was privy to your deepest secrets anyway.

-"Ever drink from sumn's mouth?"-

Your breath hitches in your throat not unlike an unchewed morsel of food.

Wait? Did you hear that correctly!?

-"Sir?"-

You stammer out, nearly choking.

That's...not where you figured this conversation to go; At best, you hoped you'd be dismissed, at worst, you figured he'd tell you to scram and leave him alone.

Barnes says nothing, he only glares --- he didn't like to repeat himself.

So you decide to answer the inquiry you've more than heard.

-"No?"-

You manage, admittedly awkwardly, chuckling. What a notion.

Was that slang for something? Drinking from someone's mouth? No? No, it wasn't.

It was very literal.

-"Thinkin' 'bout givin' it a shot anytime soon?"-

He continues and you swear you spot the hint of a grin, the image of his parted lips, the liquor warmed up by the cavern of his mouth and his swirling tongue allowing your own to exchange the fluid unwittingly makes you fidget. Sure, you thought of Barnes in colorful terms before, to put it lightly. For a long time, in fact. Although, you always figured you were allowed your own private musings, hearing them vocalized this openly and plainly --- was almost like being smashed across the face with a bag of bricks. You feel the blood accumulating at the tip of your scalp, leaving you woozy yet seemingly firm because you had to be --- last thing you wanted was for him to see how affected you were.

You straighten and smoothen your uniform, trying to maintain composure, bidding yourself not to look at his chest. You don't even notice when his hand put down the bottle of whiskey and reached forward to grab you by your arms and pull you down next to him, holding you in place, firmly, in front of him, on your knees. On attention. He was touching you. He was actually touching you. Squeezing. -"Sir, you're inebriated and it isn't right. For your sake, I mean."- You try to stay sane and level headed even though you realized your voice came through in breathy gasps, taken aback to the degree you felt your heart pumping in your chest, causing you to be overtaken by a confounded mix of shock and need. You could practically smell the liquor on him along with the bitter taste of tobacco and malt; on anyone else the pungent, salty scent of sweat would've been disgusting, but on him? You feel lightheaded. Maybe you were simply being biased. -"Y'think I'm gonna regret and beat myself up for kissin' Miss Daisy Sunshine with a mouthful of Whiskey when I sober up and go mopin' 'bout it to sumn'? Like all these cocksuckers wouldn't kill to be me right about now?"- He assesses stiffly; wasn't the lulling sway of liquor speaking through him. It was outright no-nonsense bluntness. Barnes was determined and focused as only Barnes knew how to be; you lower your gaze from the ardent task of staring at his scarred mouth not daring to meet his eyes when he was this close to you, subjectively fearing you'd get incomprehensibly burned by something if you did. You feel yourself grow red. Miss Daisy Sunshine? You're on the verge of smiling. -"No."- You respond weakly, having no strength or willpower to be any louder or more resolved right about now. No, you didn't think he'd go around complaining, no.

Just the thought of Barnes thinking kissing you would be the envy of the whole camp has something coiling around in your gut.

Flattery.

He was flattering you.

You felt flattered.

It was exactly what he wanted you to feel, you understood.

It was intentional.

He was always intentional.

-"C'mere."-

He pulls you closer, leaning back against the wall of sacks, practically tugging and pulling at the forearm of your fatigues, one hand letting go of you to take a swig of his bottle again, scar-riddled lips puckered as he holds his mouthful there. Tentatively, you get close until your nose was practically touching the side of his face and the push along the back of your head by his arm is unexpected but not unwelcome as the floodgates of his mouth open around yours roughly and the searing Whiskey's gone past your teeth, sliding off of his tongue into you. You swallow, unwittingly, the suddenness of the contact sending the alcohol rushing down your throat before you can cough forth the burning sensation only to realize Barnes has kissed you with his eyes wide open, never even blinking, as on guard as a snake --- once he separates himself from you, he's as composed as ever. -"It's the right dosage for'ya."- He teases, fully unfettered while you were there, woozy, wiping the side of your cheek of stray droplets and saliva, coming to the conclusion you were still held in the vice grip of his arms. He really had you use his mouth as a cup to drink from. Your tongue's numb and burning, but it was more than worth it. Barnes takes another swig, pinning you down with his gaze cast your way across the brown glass of Jack Daniels he was lifting and you understood what that meant. It was the equivalent of another shot being poured for you.

The coffee's cooling on the ammo crate, forgotten.

You figure it'll be long since cooled by the time you were done.

[velvetvexations]

I think one of the main reasons I dislike Fantasy High Junior Year is because of the way it was marketed. Like, there's an entire video explaining how Kristen is gonna go through this major character arc and ditch some of her more wacky antics as she realizes that the chaos she creates isn't cute anymore... and then there's absolutely no payoff. Instead, Kristen is at her quirkiest and most chaotic and other than a few dressing downs from some NPCs that she completely ignores nothing happens.

Like, I've never had a problem with Kristen's disaster personality. I think they handled it just fine in the first two seasons so that she never became too annoying or unlikeable. But it's just dialed up to 11 in Season 3. To the point where its genuinely not funny. And if chaos isn't cute, that'd make sense. It'd be on purpose, so everything can come crumbling down Fabian style and she'd have to become a better person. But that doesn't happen. So you're left sitting through all this garbage with the promise of a payoff that doesn't exist, which just leaves you bitter at the end.

It's especially frustrating when a few characters try to lead her in that direction. Like, Riz is working his ass off to get Kristen the presidency, something she only really wants as an ego boost, with no real platform or plans she can think of. He's the one joining all the clubs. He's the one making all the plans. Hell, he's the one making sure they're all doing well in their classes. And it gets to the point where his mom flat out tells Kristen that Riz would make a better president than her.

In any other story, that would immediately que the audience in to how Kristen's arc is gonna get resolved. With her abandoning the presidency and giving it to Riz, apologizing for making him do so much work for her and rewarding him for his effort. This followed up by deciding to be better for Cassandra, another person she mistreated and took for granted.

But she doesn't. Instead, she just makes Riz her vice president at the end and pushes all the work onto him AGAIN, to the point where it undoes the only character development he got all season (him shifting back to coffee from tea the moment Kristen makes him VP). And it certainly doesn't help that its the middle class white girl making her poor minority friend do everything for her.

Like, why market it as Kristen getting serious when that doesn't happen? Why act like she has some arc when she doesn't? It only makes the audience bitter when they went in expecting serious consequences and got nothing.

The marketing was very weird. Not only was there the false advertising with Baron's second form, which really hurts me to say as someone who sees Dropout as a bastion of ethics-based capitalism, but something just didn't sit right with me about the hype blimey got when it happened. Like, yes, it was funny, but like...ultimately I was like, alright? It wasn't anything actually important? It was specifically something Brennan was once again pushing really hard for them to succeed at because it was something they had to pass to continue to the next leg of the story?

Back when the Second Place episode of Game Changer came out, I saw someone complain about Dropout going back to the Brennan monologue well. I was like, hey, I love that shit, if you don't like the premise of a show don't watch it, right?

But here the commercialization of the cast's quirks and specific styles might have, I think, crossed a line, because of just how underwhelming blimey was compared to how it was built up. Like, Ally's quirky insane rolls drive Brennan crazy, haha, okay. The Brennan monologue well is, IMO, far from dry, but D20's hysterical theatrics in situations like that is getting stale, or at least that's how it felt this season.

[danmeichael]

Top 10 BL's you've read for 2024?

the top in this 10 is "off the top of my head", tbh. i also didn't list ten, and these aren't in any particular order. these also aren't my all time favorites (necessarily. i think a couple on this list qualify)

Anotoki Kara Sukidattanda to Omo (and its sequel)

here's the thing: this bl is not good and most people aren't going to like it. it is schlocky, messy, and melodramatic, it's borderline surreal, extremely absurd, relentlessly horny, and it has the pacing of a tiktok edit to an early 100 gecs song set to 150% speed. very prototypical in a lot of ways, one of the most unique bl i've ever read in others. an absolute fever dream. but it's one of those things i read at just the right time, and there's something about it that means a lot to me. it's first so you understand how esoteric my taste gets right off the bat and have 0 expectations for anything else i put on this list. also some cws for this one so like you can dm me if you want to know.

Reunion (by 2coin and deulsum)

something you need to know about me is i really love manhwa that people think is boring and by god reunion is that bitch. long-winded, gently achy character study with identity porn. it's shockingly lowkey, grounded, and comforting to read for it's initial premise... that being "poor guy with terminally ill mother poses as the dead grandchild of a rich terminally ill old dude's nanny in order to pay for his mom's treatment and his brother's schooling and oh no there's this mean chaebol grandson who is obsessed with him except it's 7 years later and the chaebol grandson has amnesia and gives his boss a briefcase of cash to buy him" you'll see what i mean when you read it, it's really actually good. you'll like it if you like quiet slowburns.

Eat Your Heart Out (by Samak Satang and AI_tuner)

do you like scalies? do you like amazing worldbuilding? do you like plotlines about social class and eugenics? do you like yandere older brothers? do you like aggressive bottoms who are slutty and insufferable? do you like 2 and a half foot long dicks? boy do i have a one of a kind manhwa for you. eat your heart out was an unexpected delight right from the start due to it's amazing art and character design. but then i got to know helm and i fell deeply, deeply in love. he is just so fucking annoying and borderline unlikeable at times in a way that makes him an amazing protagonist. crazy about this one, a new favorite for sure. also i am not joking about dick size. you are reading "two and a half foot long dick" and thinking to yourself "surely, danny is exaggerating" i am not exaggerating. please pray for helm. he is not making it out alive.

Tameshi ni Komando Itte mita

if you like domsubverse you probably won't like this domsubverse. if you don't like domsubverse im also not sure if you'll like this. really, to enjoy this you should have a neutral opinion on domsubverse and a positive opinion on kissing the homies goodnight. dom getting dommed. sweet, bunny-soft, funny, and i just really love the relationship between the two leads.

90 Days for the Delicacy

phew, look at those two whole normal recommendations! time for bdsm and gore! i can't really tell you anything about the plot of this one without spoiling it. im sorry, i hate when people do that to me, too. if you know what my favorite manga are: this is in a similar genre.

Nekura to Gyaru Otoko

a simple manga about an outgoing gyaru boy, his childhood friend who has spent his life taking up as little space as possible, and the quiet, painful conflict that causes. one of the first manga i read this year that made a lasting impression on me. i love the art, i love the characters, i love the quiet moments in the story, i love it's bluntness, i love it's weight and temperature and how it tastes when i read it. a must-read for chronic doormats and those who would rather die than burden people they love, imo.

One Summer Day (by ker)

grim reaper fucks up a reaping reaaaal bad and has to babysit his charge until the paperwork comes in. unfortunately being still-alive when you're not supposed to be comes with some... side effects. such as becoming a huge murderslut. good news though! the cure for undead murderslutism is in fact nasty sloppy bareback marathon sex. this is by the same author+artist as sign and i absolutely love it. the characters are likeable and you can feel that this one is going to suckerpunch you with pain between the multi-hour fuckfests.

Spectrophilia

a young man is haunted by his past... literally. and, uh, hornily. after attending the funeral of his highschool bully/situationship/best friend the protagonist finds himself plagued by raunchy "dreams", the star of which being his dead friend. i think i started this in 2023 and i don't care you should read spectrophilia. the art style is really unique and im crazy about it. slow, quiet, a hint of yandere. don't ask me why two entries on this list feature dead people.

OΣG!!! = Oh My God

lets round this out with a banger i fucking love oh my god, it's great, it's gore-camp, it's playfully dark, and the characters are fun! it's a yandere serial killer/salaryman romance wrapped up in an amazing art style and slutty bloodsplatter. this one's light, easy, fun, and exactly what it's trying to be. i adore it.

[centrally-unplanned]

I love deconstructing 'lifestyle' articles like these, they are such a gold mine of biases and narrative formation by the chattering classes. Here we have a wonderful premise:

Now, Ms. Margo is living a dream of many American women who are seeking relationships abroad, some of whom cite the toxic dating scene in the United States

Well, no objection from me that the US has toxic dating norms. But, hm, idk, 'many women' - is this a true trend amoung the American Female? Lets see who this article features:

Ms. Margo fell in love with the city (and its men). She found a gig teaching English in Paris and moved there after she graduated from Sarah Lawrence College in May 2019.

Okay, not *that* crazy but I do think I know what kind of Sarah Lawrence grad gap years in Paris before her law degree;

For Cindy Sheahan...At the end of 2017, she quit her job and traveled throughout Southeast Asia for leisure, and she started using Tinder.

That isn't...most people can't list as their full time job "Dating in Thailand";

For Frantzces Lys...she started a podcast called “Chronicles Abroad” with her co-host, who had met Ms. Williams, 40, in Malaysia. In 2018, Ms. Lys interviewed Ms. Williams, the founder of a consultancy, and the two kept in touch. They started dating years later.

Oh yeah the extremely relatable situation of a podcast host and boutique consultancy founder travelling to Mayalsia!!

“When you decide to just live your life for yourself, you actually end up stumbling upon people that match your energy and the same ideals and values,” said Ms. Lys, a 42-year-old founder of a wellness company.

Oh a wellness company, who hasn't founded one of those!!! And a link to their company, wow thanks NYT, that was definitely gonna be my follow-up for Ms. Lys:

Cepee Tabibian, who moved to Madrid at 35 from Austin, Texas, felt similarly.

Okay that could be normal, what do she d-

In 2020, she met her partner, who is Spanish. Now, she is the founder of She Hit Refresh, a community that helps women over the age of 30 move to a different country.

Jesus fucking Christ none of these people are real. They are full-hog in the industry of packaging and selling their Life of Insight & Discovery for $500 an hour over zoom sessions to non profits hosting leadership seminars, their dating isn't dating its brand management. I don't doubt they authentically love their life but this, shockingly, is not a trend, is not a sample, is not ethnographic data, this is an ad buy by a sliver of globe-trotting wealthy woman masquerading as journalism.

Absolutely the only relatable person is:

Alexis Brown, for example, noticed a lack of “effort and intention” from the men she was dating in Atlanta, where she attended Spelman College.

When she traveled across Europe for vacation from October 2022 to January 2023, however, the people she dated made it clear that they wanted to spend time with her.

Who takes way more words than is necessary to tell me she had a polycule stretching from Paris to Prague during her study abroad, which, good for her, that is what study abroad is for. Shockingly, this is not a new development in the collegiate experience!

Buried amoung the branded bullshit is Alexis's real gem and the only true 'thesis' of the article:

“The dating culture in the U.S. is that it’s cool and normalized to be indifferent to someone and not really express how you genuinely feel,” Ms. Brown, 23, said.

Which is essentially that in Europe people will "express emotion" unlike the cold, busy America. I don't doubt this, but I would hope a writer at the NYT's could have slightly more social awareness; the 'reason' Americans do not "express emotion" is that if they did you would dump them right on their ass on the first date.

Someone telling you, to quote Ms Margo:

“This one guy was like, ‘I ran through traffic just to look into your eyes once, and if you don’t want to go on a date with me, I can die happy knowing that I just met you,’” said Ms. Margo, a 28-year-old English teacher from Los Angeles.

As an opening line is cringe and uncomfortable, because they do not know you. They are lying and you know they are lying, it is a horrible foundation for a long term relationship. American dating norms have been hammering this lesson home on every participant (but if we are being honest, its primarily women hammering this home on men) and it is probably right to do. Anyone who does this lacks credibility.

But when you are in ~*Paris*~, you don't care about their credibility, because you lack it yourself. You are on vacation, you have no future, just a sequential present. If the guy who tells you your eyes are his world turns out to be a clingy failson who requires at least a blowjob a day to keep his mood stable, you can just *get up and leave the country*, you cannot be trapped because nothing is keeping you there. By placing an ocean between yourself and your social standing you can radically change your standards.

And you know what, there is something to that! Maybe the 18-point-checklist you mentally process every Tinder swipe through as you plan out your dream wedding on Cape Cod to a status-swollen ghost in a Tom Ford speckle-gray blazer while on lunch break from your quant analysis job at a digital marketing start-up in Chelsea isn't the best baggage to bring into a first date! Through radically shifting your social context it might be possible to jar your brain out of what is holding it back. Its not what you found in Paris, but what you left behind in America, that could actually make a difference... and that reality could give this article some heft.

But then say that instead of trying to sell me on the idea that:

For Ms. Margo, a Black woman who attended predominantly white institutions throughout her school years, she felt ignored in the United States, as if she “was not an option,” she said. In Paris she felt seen.

France is less racist than the campus of Sarah Fucking Lawrence against black people. No wonder the humanities are dying if they are teaching this level of self awareness.

[starplusfourletters]

I read specter of the past (hand of thrawn book 1)

This turned into a liveblog srry

Me, reading the Thrawn trilogy: Okay obvi Mara/Luke is a slow burn

Me, skipping to the duology set 10 years later: GUYS YOU’RE LOSING DAYLIGHT

Oh no they have a passive aggressive “may the Force be with you” / “good luck” thing oh no I might ship it

Also the small existential crisis that ensues every time I remember Luke is (checks Wookieepedia) THIRTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD. I cannot picture Luke Skywalker a day over 22 I think my brain would explode [actively represses the sequel trilogy]

This book is absolutely crawling with badass female smugglers and I’m living for it

Oooh proto-convor! [two pages later] OH NO PROTO-CONVOR DEATH ☹

Mara Jade, Force sensitive specializing in precognition, former Emperor’s Hand, second-in-command of the most powerful information dealing organization in the galaxy: Runs into a wall and spends the rest of the book knocked out

Lando “Could I Please Get Back to My Day Job It Has Been Two Decades” Calrissian. Just let the man mine in unlikely places it’s all he’s ever wanted

I got way too happy about the implication that the Imperial whose name I've forgotten figured out the tractor beam thing. He solved Science! Good for he!

Loving how everyone’s opinion on Karrde is basically “nice guy; sus that he insists on getting paid, though.” Like yes this is still a capitalist economy and he runs a business with a large number of employees

We interrupt your space fantasy to bring you a “Chicken Fried” music video with clone sleeper agents

Okay everybody place your bets is Car’das a secret brother, secret father, or ex-boyfriend (hype for some Karrde backstory and realizing the extent to which my brain has decided he and Kaz Brekker are the same person is Extensive)

Legit starting to feel sorry for Gilead “Sad Fascist Grandpa” Pellaeon. Somebody give this guy a peace treaty and a hug. Also more and more irked about No Prisoners why did that need a retcon

Really enjoyed the book’s interrogation of the premise “how do we actually make a galactic organization that includes cultures with mutually exclusive legal and ethical codes WITHOUT being fascist.” Felt very Trek. Actually went further toward radical inclusivity than Trek usually does; the Federation does have an element of “you must be this close to 20th-21st century American values to ride” which is its own kind of cultural imperialism and in this essay I will -

I simply cannot get enough of these books’ “protagonist stumbles, Kramer-like, into the Site of Maximal Galactic Importance Du Jour.” I will let you know when it stops being funny to me. Also really like how the villains are starting to learn to use it to their advantage; like yeah it DOES look like a conspiracy when you think about it

[empress-violetlight]

My Speculative Biology Library

Got talking on Discord about biology (it started with laughing about a pic of a bacteriophage my husband freaked out about) and because we're all sci-fi loving nerds, the topic of speculative biology came up. I'm no biologist (unlike two very talented other discord members), but I love science, and love reading and writing about animal life, evolution, and figuring out how to make my own aliens as "realistic" as possible (i.e. at least scientifically plausible).

One of my fellow discord members (Discordians? Discordees?) asked if I would post my collection of speculative biology "research material", so @admiral-arelami, this one's for you!

In no particular order, with some entries being more scientific than others:

Extraterrestrials: A Field Guide for Earthlings

by Terence Dickinson and Adolf Schaller c 1994

A kid's book, this little volume actually gives a great introduction to the idea of looking at aliens from a more scientific perspective. It starts with looking at some popular sci-fi aliens, then moves on to discussing theoretical planetary environments, and the aliens that might evolve to live there. The cutie on the cover is a creature that might live in the atmosphere of a gas giant!

Speaking of which:

Cosmos by Carl Sagan. c 1980 Both the mini-series and the book. Wish I could find my beautifully illustrated hardcover edition, but oh well.

This absolute classic features an unforgettable chapter where Carl Sagan speaks about the possibility of life in the atmosphere of Jupiter, imagining "sinkers", "floaters" and "hunters", as a small example. I was absolutely blown away and I'm not the only one! Notable sci fi writers like Robert L. Forward and Timothy Zahn (I'm a huge fan, if you couldn't tell by my blog) have both written novels about the same topic. If you're a fan of Classic Doctor Who, the Cosmos mini-series won't disappoint in the aesthetics department either!

After Man: A Zoology of the Future by Dougal Dixon c 1981

Considered one of the most influential texts of the speculative biology sub-genre, and probably one of the first to treat the topic with genuine scientific curiosity. It looks at a world 50 million years in the future, and theorizes about how modern day animals might have evolved during that time, assuming that humanity has gone extinct. Beautiful artwork accompanies intriguing looks at possible animals, all sorted by biome.

After Man is part of a loose "series" along with The New Dinosaurs (a speculative Earth where non-avian dinosaurs never went extinct)and Man After Man: An Anthropology of the Future (what might have happened to humans in the After Man universe, who aren't so extinct after all). I don't have the other two (yet), but the whole "trilogy" is available to borrow (for free, and legally!) on the Internet Archive, so I've read them. Man After Man is messed up.

The Future is Wild c 2002

Basically a spiritual successor to After Man, this 13 part mini series has the same premise -- looking at how modern day animals might evolve in the future -- though it examines different time periods: 5 million years, 100 million years, and 200 million years in the future. I love this series for its creativity, pretty decent CGI (especially for its time) and some absolutely unforgettable animals, like the giant Toratons -- tortoises the size of sauropod dinosaurs! Some of its premises are a little questionable as Science has Marched On, but it's still a really fun watch, and puts as much thought into its wildlife as its predecessor.

Future Evolution by Peter Ward c 2001

This book also looks at possible future life on Earth, but takes a much more pessimistic view of things, and the author honestly doesn't sound like he enjoys the topic at all, which makes me wonder why he wrote about it in the first place. Unlike the previous two examples, he assumes humanity will still be around in the future, and our presence alone basically prevents any cool megafauna from evolving in the first place, and he assumes we'll never make any headway into space either. Kind of a downer, actually.

HG Wells Science Fiction Treasury c circa 1895-1901

The previous entry compared his work to Wells' The Time Machine, and honestly, he shouldn't have. Wells was a visionary. In his novels, long before anyone else even considered doing so, Wells thought about the effects of lower gravity on his Martians and their susceptibility to Earth bacteria in War of the Worlds, the possible future evolution of humanity in The Time Machine, and more on alien life in The First Men in the Moon, to name a few in this collection. The Island of Doctor Moreau is a borderline case, since the "beast men" there were made and didn't evolve naturally, but is still an interesting look at humans' relationship with other animals. Basically, anyone interested in spec bio would be doing themselves a disservice if they didn't read Wells' novels.

The Resurrectionist by E.B. Hudspeth c 2013

Part guidebook, part novel, this work looks at popular creatures from mythology and actually tries to examine them from a scientific perspective, looking at how their anatomy might possibly work, and their relation to humans, if any. Definitely an interesting look at creatures that are usually brushed off as pure fiction, like mermaids, harpies, centaurs, etc.

Speaking of mythical creatures ...

The Flight of Dragons by Peter Dickinson c 1979

The original "Dragonology", this book, which partly inspired the animated film of the same name (which was made by the same studio as The Last Unicorn). Its ideas on how dragons scientifically may fly and breathe fire have been "borrowed" by many other speculative works afterwards, and most theories seem pretty solid. However, I can't ever read this book again after it proposed wildly unfair sexual dimorphism for dragons. It said the cool, fire-breathing giant lizards we all know and love are the males, while things like Medusa or Grendel's Mother, mostly humanoid mythical monsters with barely any connection to dragons, are the females. Yeah ... that killed it for me, I'm sad to say.

The Wildlife of Star Wars: A Field Guide

by Terryl Whitlatch and Bob CVarrau c 2001

This book looks at the animal life of various on-screen Star Wars planets, with specific chapters on Tattooine, Dagobah, Yavin IV, the Forest Moon of Endor, Bespin Hoth, Coruscant (yes, Coruscant apparently has some wildlife!) and 3 separate chapters on Naboo, with a little bit at the end showing off other notable Legends animals (such as fan-favourite Ysalamiris!) Not the most scientific on in-depth book in this collection by any means, but the artwork is beautiful, and at least it tries. I'm really glad I saw it on Ebay!

To Seek Out New Life: The Biology of Star Trek

by Athena Andreadis c 1998

There's a couple Star Trek biology books out there, but I enjoyed this one the most. It doesn't really talk about animal life, but instead focuses on Star Trek's sapient (mostly humanoid) alien species, and tackles some philosophical questions, such as whether artificial lifeforms like androids or holograms count as life -- a topic the shows themselves have wondered about.

The Teeming Universe: An Extraterrestrial Field Guide

By Christine Cline c 2021

The newest book in my collection, the author and illustrator really puts a lot of thought into what alien life might actually be like, using the newly-discovered planet types of reality as opposed to science fiction, like a tidally-locked planet around a red dwarf star. He also assumes humans will be able to go out and explore these worlds ourselves, and that we can make peaceful contact with sapient aliens we may encounter (who will NOT be humanoid!). A refreshingly optimistic and fun look, and very up-to-date.

The Zoologist's Guide the the Galaxy by Arik Kershenbaum c 2021

I had actually completely forgotten that I picked up this book! Once I read it, I'll give a proper review, but considering it's just as new as The Teeming Universe, I'm hoping it will be just as accurate and fun!

[perpetualexistence]

Tell us about your other Alenoaheather AU(s). I know you have them. 🔫

- Totally not Ophe

Hello completely random anon whose identity will forever be a mystery!

See, with the way you've phrased this, you've actually opened yourself up to a few options. I'll tell you a little bit about each one and you can tell me which one you want to learn more about first.

Currently unnamed G/T Alenoaheather

Definitely the most detailed AU of the bunch. It's got backstories and character arcs for each of the three. Probably the best way to describe it is Urban fantasy since none of them are (completely) human, but they pretty much live in a modern setting.

It does get dark at times. Think Beastars-adjacent in terms of vibes. Including the murder bits. But it's mostly self-defense or being forced into it, so take that as you will. I will say that it's nowhere near the levels of toxic relationships that something like the Sea Monster AU has. And they do actually improve as people. These three still get drama mind you, but it's from keeping secrets rather than being genuinely manipulative. ...Well. Too manipulative. It does have Alejandro and Heather in it. But it's got fluff moments because fluffy giant/tiny dynamics are precious and must be preserved at all costs.

It's got Alejandro who's a giant-shifter able to grow even larger than most other giant-shifters thank to his Burromuerto heritage. The Burromuertos are a completely upstanding giant-shifter family and definitely don't have any incredibly fucked up family traditions they expect Alejandro to continue.

Noah's a were-mongoose. Werefolk come in a large variety, though mongoose is on the far more uncommon side. Unlike most werefolk, this kid genius actually figured out a way to not completely give into his instincts during full moons. This has absolutely no negative repercussions on his wellbeing.

Heather who's a giant-shifter hybrid unable to grow thanks to her human heritage from her father's side. She's the only one of her siblings unable to grow. She definitely doesn't have a complex about this. But she has managed to find her own way of making herself just as much of a physical threat as her two boyfriends. (Aka the day I take away from Heather's inherent badassery is the day I die.)

Serial Killer AU

It's exactly what it sounds like. With exactly the vibes the name implies. Definitely the darker one. They're just a thriving villain throuple with a body count. It's also mostly Noah-focused so far as I haven't figured out Alejandro or Heather's motivations.

Noah stumbles across a body of a serial killer spree, only to be the first to realize that one serial killer is actually two. Curiosity leads him to investigate...but not for the reasons you'd think.

(For this one that's pretty much all I can share before just going into the whole AU)

And then, on the completed side since might as well dump all the Alenoaheather AUs:

Noah and the Beanstalk

Another giant/tiny AU! This one's actually got its own post already. I don't really have anything else that I didn't already mention in that post. But it's my blog, so I'll advertise my own AUs as I please!

Collab AUs

The Royal Court AU

Originally named The Lords In Black AU because it was originally inspired by me watching an animatic of The Summoning from Nerdy Prudes Must Die. Then it evolved into something far beyond that where the name doesn't seem quite right anymore.

It's got Alenoaheather as the worst teens at school and unashamed about it. ...Until Alejandro goes missing, and nobody else really seems to care. Leaving Heather and Noah to investigate and try their best not to be next.

They fail, but hey, at least they get cool eldritch powers out of it!

This AUs also dark because the premise is them being kidnapped to be used as sacrifices. And it's got plenty of eldritch horror in it. The posts for it are scattered because they ended up going into two separate reblog chains with @total-drama-brainrot and @ur-local-brown-multifandomist. If you look up 'lords in black au' on my blog you should be able to find most of it. I'm going to just centralize it for ease of organization one day. It'll just be. You know. Effort.

Also, @ur-local-brown-multifandomist is currently making a fic for it! It's their first one, so feel free to check it out.

Fake Dating Alenoaheather AU

This one's a collab AU between me and @total-drama-brainrot, a person you have never met because you are a completely anonymous anon. Noah gets caught in between Heather and Alejandro's attempts to make the other jealous by each making him pretend to be their boyfriend. Shenanigans and drama ensue. The posts for this are also scattered and tagged on both our blogs, and one day we might make a fic about it. For now, there actually is someone already making a fic about it that you can feel free to read!

I still can't believe two different people decided to start making fic of AUs I helped create. It's wild, and I'm incredibly touched.

"Why are all of these AUs except for one dark in at least some way?"

I honestly couldn't tell you exactly why my brain works the way it does. It just decided that the two canon villains and one-villain coded teenager deserve to be at least a little feral. As a treat.

Maybe one day I'll have an AU with them that's not so dark. That day will be a surprise to us all.

But yeah, that's all of the Alenoaheather AUs I got! The first two I'm more than happy to go into more detail for if you ask!

[dustteller]

I just finished watching all the available episodes of The Apothecary Diaries, and I have to say that it surprised me!

The premise of an apothecary working for the emperor's consorts and solving medical mysteries is already a gun one, but the execution really elevated the concept past entertaining romcom to genuinely fantastic storytelling. It's not revolutionary, but it's certainly deeply endearing, and I really enjoyed how it found a balance between lighthearted comedy and acknowledging the awful aspects of sex work and being a woman/lower class in a world where neither are valued. It doesn't explore the darker side in detail, at least not so far, but it still does a fantastic job in making the horrible parts feel like a real part of the setting while still making the choice to focus on the women's joy even when faced with hard situations. I guess I just appreciate these things being openly discussed without immediately having it be a psychological story about dealing with trauma?

The characters are also soo good, and while most lack depth (its been nine episodes, so for a cast this big, that can be excused), usually their schtick is strong enough that it can easily carry their appearances. You also get the sense that while a lot of these characters do fill out comedic roles/archetypes, there's a lot more going on beneath the surface. Their schtick is fun, but its not all they have, its just there to help the audience familiarize themselves and bond with the charcaters while their entire personality is unearthed. The entire cast is genuinely absolutely delightful and reasonable and feel incredibly real while also being really funny.

The romance portion is also really really fantastic. Both Maomao and Jinshi are hilarious little freaks, and their dynamic is so fun to watch. Maomao is such a good take on the cold, blunt, genius character, who is socially challenged but very far from frigid. She's practical and logical while also keeping a very strong emotional core founded in empathy and genuine care for the people around her. Her obsession with poison is also pulling triple duty, as it 1) serves to break her cold facade and provides comic relief in the form of an ongoing gag, 2) gives the reader a strong understanding of her guiding motives/desires, and 3)gives her role as a medical investigator narrative justification. Of course she'd know what was used to poison someone, that's her whole thing! Jinshi himself is a counterpart to Maomao's colder tendencies, being very clingy and emotional. This show is not afraid of making him a pathetic little obsessed man, and it's all the better for him. Unlike other possesive and obsessed male leads, Jinshi manages to mostly stay away from the creep factor by being so uttely pathetic and cringe that he never really comes across as an actual threat. Couple that with him actually being very respectful of Maomao, only engaging in light flirting, and how he never actually wants to change her (most rapey MLs try to break the FL out of their feisty charcater or demean her for it while showing her how they're more powerful), and Jinshi makes for a very good love interest that also feels like a very safe comfortable person, which I feel matches the tone of the show very well. He's also as much of a freak as Maomao ("she wants to crush me like a bug <3333🥰🥰🥰), so they're very well matched there, too. He's such a petty loser, and that makes him a stronger character.

The story seems to be ramping up, and while I don't think it'll ever lose the lighthearted tone, I'm excited about how it already seems to promise a more in-depth exploration of the world it's set up the scaffolding for. For what it's worth, I also think the show has done a very good job at making the world feel expansive and mysterious, while also balancing that wholesomeness, which for a show centered around sex workers is quite the feat.

Anyways, long story short, I think the nine episodes that are out so far are really great, and the story thrives through how utterly endering it is. I am charmed by the world and the characters and what the plot has promised us, and while I don't expect it to revolutionize anime or whatever, it's still a masterclass in narrative shorthand and the act of balancing its heavy themes, especially when it comes to the characters themselves. There's so many of them that are so fun and memorable that I didn't mention, but who absolutely deserve their own posts, and that's only nine episoded into a comedy show, which I think goes to show how strong of a start this series has. Overall, I'd rate the show so far an 8/10, and I'm really excited to see what will come from the next 15 episodes.

[beyourlionheart]

WIP Whenever

Christening this brand new sideblog with a lovely tag from @emimayooo <3

Tagging: Absolutely anyone who would like to participate!! Please let me see your WIPs

This is a little bg3 bloodweave WIP that I found in my drafts from about a month ago. Will it actually become a publishable fic? Who knows.

The general premise is based on the early iterations of Gale that involved him having a rotting arm from the orb's presence. Astarion is, of course, nosy.

Read more under the cut.

WC: 935, Rating: T

When Astarion finally comments on Gale’s arm, it’s with even less tact that the wizard had come to expect from the vampire.

“Come on, just unwrap it. It can’t be any more unseemly than the rest of you, can it?”

A smile dances on his lips as his red eyes seem to egg Gale on. He had at least waited until the rest of their companions had gone to bed, leaving the two of them alone around the campfire, but Gale still finds himself frantically looking around to see if anyone had overheard. No one stirs. 

He had done his best to keep his orb-rotten arm underwraps — both literally and figuratively — since being picked up by the nautiloid. For the most part, he had succeeded. He had managed to keep his thick black glove covering his hand whenever anyone was looking, and his robes would hide the rest of his wrappings well enough. Dollops from a vial of sandalwood oil that he had so fortuitously kept on his person at the time of his capture had even managed to cover  the strange smell of otherworldly magic, so long as no one was intentionally pressing their nose to his wrappings.

How Astarion had managed to figure out his secret had only been made clear a few mornings into their journey, when Tav had emerged from their bedroll with an open wound on their neck to match the trickle of blood that had dried on Astarion’s chin. 

Of course Gale would manage to end up camping with a bloodhound. He narrows his eyes at the elf now, making it known that his comment is most unwelcome.

“My arm is none of your business, Astarion.”

“Isn’t it?” Astarion leans back, somehow managing to make the misshapen log he’s sitting on look comfortable. “We are traveling together, for better or worse. I have a right to know what troubles plague my companions, just as you all were so concerned about my vampirism.”

Gale’s lips curl into a sneer, which makes him feel very unlike himself. He rarely reacts this strongly to anything, but his arm is a particularly sore subject. 

It’s no small thing for a wizard to lose his arm. His leg would be a different story — he doesn’t need his leg the same way. Or, at least, he wouldn’t normally, when he’s lounging about his tower rather than trekking through the wilderness. His leg doesn’t cast spells or prepare food or flip pages in a book. It does not gesticulate or hold other hands or scratch behind Tara’s ear. His leg does very little other than get him from point a to point b, and Gale would happily sacrifice it if it were to mean his continued survival. 

But his arm… Gale rubs at his gloved hand absently, feeling that familiar numbness where the sensation of touch should be. It would be easier if it were simply lobbed off one day and he were forced to accept its absence and find new ways of existing. But this? This slow death? The mocking kindness of its continued semi-cooperation as he holds his breath and waits for the day when the nerves no longer respond to his brain’s instructions? It is a torture so cruel he can’t begin to describe it.

“Your vampirism is no concern to me as long as you keep your fangs out of my neck. Similarly, my arm is no concern of yours, ever. I’ve already told you everything you need to know about the orb, and my limbs pose no threat to anyone here.”

Astarion flashes sharp teeth but plays it off as a laugh. It feels like a warning. “Trust me, darling, my fangs will never touch your neck as long as you’ve still got that smell about you.”

Gale huffs and sits up straighter, trying not to be obvious as he deigns to sniff at the arm in question. It doesn’t smell particularly strongly to him today, but he does not have elven or vampiric senses. Perhaps it is as offensive as Astarion seems to think.

“If it smells so terrible then why in nine hells would you want me to unwrap it?” Gale asks warily. “One would assume that you’d keep your distance from something that makes your nose wrinkle so.”

The click of Astarion’s tongue reminds Gale very much of Lae’zel. They’ve all been picking up each other’s mannerisms. “I never said it smells bad, did I? It’s just… unnatural. Forgive me if I’m curious about the unnatural, given my condition.”

Silence blossoms between them as they study each other for a long moment. Gale’s not quite sure what to say — Astarion doesn’t seem to find the smell of his arm directly offensive, despite its current state, which Gale can only think to describe as decaying. 

Part of him wants to indulge Astarion’s curiosity. Gale had always fancied himself an adept teacher, when the moment to convey knowledge presents itself, and a surefire way to his heart has always been a keen interest in learning. 

A larger, much more damaged part of him can’t stand the idea of anyone — particularly Astarion — getting a glimpse of the true horror that his body had become. 

He purses his lips and then settles on: “I would suggest growing acquainted with disappointment, Astarion.”

The look Astarion gives him is, for the briefest moment, so sad that it takes Gale’s breath away. Before he can figure out the reason behind the harrowing gaze, Astarion’s eyes are dark and unreadable once more. “Believe me, disappointment and I are old friends.”

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

Why We Should Abolish Hate Speech Laws - Andrew Doyle

Since when did it become the business of the state to audit our emotions?

In effect, this is precisely what's happening by means of the various "hate speech" laws that have been implemented throughout Europe in recent years. In Ireland, the imminent "Criminal Justice" bill would represent one of the most draconian forms of hate speech legislation yet produced.

And how is hatred defined in the bill? Well, the following is a direct quotation: "'hatred' means hatred against a person or a group of persons in the state or elsewhere on account of their protected characteristics or any one of those characteristics."

So, hatred means hatred. Glad we cleared that up. This kind of circular definition is what we've come to expect from legislators when it comes to this most nebulous of concepts. In his book "Censored," Paul Coleman helpfully includes all of the existing legislation on hatred from across Europe. And in doing so, he reveals that no two governments are able to agree on its meaning.

In 2012, the European Court of Human Rights concluded that there "is no universally accepted definition of the expression 'hate speech'" and a manual published by UNESCO in 2015 accepted that "the possibility of reaching a universally shared definition seems unlikely."

When it comes to the statute books, one would have thought that precision and detail would be of paramount importance. After all we've seen how vaguely worded legislation is wide open to exploitation. Consider, for instance, how trans rights activists are now claiming that the reference to sex in the "Equality Act 2010" connotes a sense of "gender identity" rather than, you know, the biological designations of male and female.

If the state is empowered to imprison its citizens on the basis of "hatred," surely we need to know what that means. Hatred, like any other emotion, cannot be legislated out of existence. Will we be seeing laws against envious speech on the statute books? And what about codes against wrath or pride? If the government were to prohibit narcissistic speech, most of the flag waving pronoun-declaring gender ideologues would have to be incarcerated. And while this would doubtless create a much more sane and serene society, it would also involve the obliteration of our fundamental values.

As for "hate crimes," there is no need for mind reading in order to determine the appropriate punishment. If I'm physically assaulted, it makes little difference to me if the assailant was motivated by homophobia. I would prefer the sentence to reflect the crime itself, not to be moderated according to speculations about the perpetrator's private thoughts. The state should have absolutely no license to probe inside our heads, any more than employers should insist on compulsory unconscious bias training.

In a free society we are entitled to think and feel as we see fit, and so long as that does not interfere with the liberties of others, that includes the right to hate. But even if one were to accept the premise that the state must crack down on hateful thoughts, which I most assuredly do not, "hate speech" legislation is holy ineffective.

Censorship of hateful ideas does not cause them to disappear. It drives them underground where they can fester unchallenged. Moreover, "hate speech" laws are easily weaponized by activists seeking to silence their political opponents. For example, in the UK, we have seen people arrested for "misgendering," that is to say, for accurately identifying the sex of another person.

The journalist Caroline Farrow was investigated by police for 6 months after an appearance on Good Morning Britain. According to a complainant, Farrow had referred to another contributor's female-identifying child with a male pronoun during a conversation that took place off-air. And although such instances have not led to convictions, we all know that the process is the punishment.

As one who has received my fair share of abuse online, I understand that free speech has its downsides. But I choose to ignore those of the obnoxious and hateful ilk, rather than call for them to be censored. The price we pay for living in a free society is that unpleasant people are going to say unpleasant things. But their right to do so is precisely the same right that allows us to counter them. If we attempt to silence even our most abusive critics, we are essentially surrendering our principles at their behest.

No doubt the trans-identifying individual who was described as a "faggot with tits" in a recent case in Spain didn't relish the experience. But it should concern us all that the state has intervened and sentenced the woman who posted the offending words to 6 months in in prison, suspended on condition of the payment of a €3,850 fine. In addition, she's been banned from employment in teaching and sports for three and a half years. This is the very definition of authoritarian overreach.

[ *Ironic correction - Both the complainant and the offender were "trans-identified" males. ]

Those who are skeptical of gender identity ideology are particularly susceptible to the misapplication of hate speech laws and there is no way of knowing which other beliefs will eventually be criminalized. Once a state has outlawed "hatred" and failed to define it, the law becomes a cudgel to beat anyone who holds heterodox points of view. Who is to say that a future government might not deem it "hateful" to criticize its policies? What starts with the chilling of free speech ends with the criminalization of dissent.

A new law in Canada, for instance, Bill C63 empowers the state to imprison a citizen for life for "advocating genocide." But of course, activists and even politicians have insisted that claiming biological sex is real and immutable is a form of "trans genocide." On the hands of authoritarians these words are very slippery. They can mean whatever they want them to mean.

And that's why we should be so worried about free speech in Ireland. Last year the Irish Green Party senator Pauline O'Reilly made no effort to disguise the authoritarian nature of the new bill.

"That's exactly what we're doing here, is we are restricting freedom. But we're doing it for the common good."

Hasn't every tyrant in history made an identical claim? In her speech, O'Reilly invoked the notion of safety to justify state censorship. "If your views on other people's identities go to make their lives unsafe insecure and cause them such deep discomfort that they cannot live in peace," she said, "then I believe it is our job as legislators to restrict those freedoms."

Well. it's a common tactic of activists to claim that certain opinions make them feel "unsafe" as a means to provoke a censorial response either from employers or from the state. But this is linguistic sleight of hand and the strategy has been remarkably effective.

The Irish "hate speech" bill goes further than most of its equivalents in European countries. It will give the state the right to prosecute those who cause offense under the catchall of "inciting hatred." And those found guilty could face up to 5 years in prison. Even more worryingly, a citizen can be jailed for 2 years simply if they "prepare or possess" material that could potentially incite hatred. So, if you have a gender-critical meme on your iPhone, that could be sufficient to see you in jail.

In the UK, "hate speech" laws exist in the form of the "Public Order Act 1986" and the "Communications Act 2003." 3,000 people are arrested each year in the UK for comments posted online that have been deemed offensive. And in some cases have even been imprisoned for jokes.

If we're going to tackle this problem, we might start by repealing section 127 of the Communications Act, which criminalizes online speech that can be deemed "grossly offensive." Of course, no attempt is ever made to define "grossly offensive" in the legislation, so anyone could be vulnerable.

In Scotland, the situation is even graver. When First Minister Hamza Yusuf was Justice Secretary, he was instrumental in the passing of the Hate Crime and Public Order Act, and disturbingly, these new laws can see citizens prosecuted for words that they have uttered in the privacy of their own homes. I'm reminded of a speech by William Pitt the Elder, delivered in the House of Commons in March 1763.

"The poorest man may in his cottage bid defiance to all the forces of the Crown. It may be frail, its roof may shake, the wind may blow through it, the storm may enter, the rain may enter, but the King of England cannot enter. All his force dares not cross the threshold of the ruined tenement."

Evidently, these sentiments would not be echoed by the SNP. Given that hatred and offense are entirely subjective concepts, we should be resisting any attempt to codify in law restrictions against them. No two figures of authority will interpret these terms in the same way. And as human beings with frailties and biases, they will doubtless be tempted to wield such laws against their detractors.

If the state is willing to dispense with our right to free expression, there can be no guarantees for any of us. "Hate speech" laws are an affront to human liberty. It's time to ditch them for good.

[saintsenara]

subluxation is a need and i would like you to talk about it

also please god talk about gardener’s question time. i’m so serious

thank you, pal, for two exemplary choices from the work in progress tag game list!

very funny to me that - having once declared yourself to not be a rare pair girly - you have come out swinging in favour of the two rare pairs on the list. the corruption continues apace...

gardener's question time is the result of a prompt i saw last year for a rare pair fest - which i didn't have the time to dive into at the time but which has stayed gnawing at my brain ever since - for a post-war fic with severus snape/andromeda tonks as the pairing.

and you'd better believe i was intrigued...

we're still in the early stages with this one, but the basic idea is to bring these two together through the complexity of their grief. [cheerful...]

the struggle when writing things in which snape lives is, of course, how you approach the fact that he has been living according to a script which has now ended. for all the implication of canon that dumbledore expected him to survive [why does he tell harry at king's cross that he intended snape to be the true master of the elder wand, if he wasn't planning for his loyal spy to reveal his true loyalties by helping deliver voldemort's final death blow?], snape can be very easily viewed as having presumed - and maybe even hoped? - that he would die in the second war.

how he deals with - for the first time in his life - having no master and having the freedom to choose to live on his own terms is something i think is always interesting to explore.

but i think it's particularly interesting to mash into andromeda's own finished script - the fact that her war has ended so devastatingly, with her husband, daughter, and son-in-law all dead; that she has gone from being a grandmother to teddy's primary caregiver [and the resentments that brings up - as we've talked about before, i'm wedded to the idea that she doesn't really like harry and isn't thrilled that he's teddy's godfather]; and, most thorny of all, that her sister is dead and there is now absolutely no chance of bellatrix seeing the error of her ways and trying to make amends [which, while i loathe the common trope that andromeda and her sisters would reconcile easily, is something i believe it's entirely reasonable for her to have hoped could be possible, even if she recognised it's unlikely it ever would have been.]

snape's post-war relationship with the malfoys - presumably absolutely torpedoed by the reveal that he was a spy - also has parallels with andromeda's post-war reckoning with narcissa.

the title is because andromeda wanting to grow a kitchen garden of medicinal plants [and healing through it! omg, a metaphor!] was the premise which sprang to mind when i came up with this. i may have been watching gardener's world [i'd risk it all for monty don] at the time.

subluxation is obviously something we've talked about a lot, seeing as its development has definitely run alongside percy entering his post-war flop era in beasts.

for the uninitiated, it's - in the main - the story of what percy's year of working for the death eater-controlled ministry during deathly hallows looked like.

i think we've both been struck by the fact that pretty much every fic which deals with this question has percy offering some sort of behind-the-scenes resistance to voldemort's regime - maybe not as flashy as that offered by the order members in his family [although, let's be real, what the order actually does in that year is... debatable], but fundamentally aligned with the goodies against evil.

and, i want to be clear, all of the percy-the-resistance-fighter stories i've read have been amazing. but they've still never managed to shake me from my conviction that he probably... didn't do anything substantive against the regime at all. that he just fucked around and then, as the battle of hogwarts approach, began to find out...

and i am choosing to take 'fucking around' literally...

have a little snippet from this month's chapter:

Audrey's gripping his hand.

Her palm is clammy. His isn’t much better.

She was called back from her day off an hour ago. The Minister’s full support staff is assembled in a row against the wall in Meeting Room J. Biagio is crying. Clarice looks like she’s about to be sick.

Rookwood - Mr Rookwood, they have to call him now - is slithering up and down the line, snapping at anyone with wonky knots in their ties or lint on their robes. The hum of chatter rolls in from the Atrium. It sounds warm, the ordinary murmur of people greeting old friends or needling each other over Quidditch rivalries. The staff from the canteen mingle among them with platters of canapes - the Death Eaters have upped the usual standard of refreshments, but perhaps that’s part of pulling off a coup, Percy wouldn’t know - and champagne. 

Hands are being shaken, and partners and children are being asked after, and holiday plans are being discussed, and absolutely nobody - not a single, solitary member of the great and the good of wizarding Britain - seems shocked to discover that the entire world has been upended in a matter of hours, on this completely ordinary day.

It's this which is so terrifying, that the Minister didn’t see any of this coming, but everyone else did.

Agnes Skim, who presents the six o’clock news on the WWN, kissed Mr Yaxley on both cheeks and asked if he and his wife were still coming over on Sunday. Mr Selwyn was laughing uproariously at a joke told by one of the Wizengamot’s most distinguished members as he showed him to his seat. Half of the Hogwarts governors are milling around the place, making cheerful conversation with mass-murderers. There are representatives present from Gringotts and St Mungo’s and the Diagon Alley Shopkeepers Guild. The Prophet’s chief political correspondent breezed in five minutes ago, gabbing away to Travers - Mr Travers - like he was an old friend.

Which, Percy supposes, he probably is.

The Unspeakables have crawled out of their domain to greet Mr Rookwood like some conquering hero, miraculously returned from a mission all thought doomed. And, out of all the mundane horrors of that afternoon, it is the sight of Mr Croaker - who sends his father a card every Christmas and complimented his mother on her hat at the last staff party - thumping him on the back and saying ‘bloody wonderful to see you, Gus’ and Rookwood saying ‘likewise, Saul’ and Croaker grinning and saying ‘this is quite the event, isn’t it? I hope he’s paying you overtime’ and Rookwood winking at him and saying ‘I shall pretend not to have heard that’ and both of them collapsing into laughter, which makes tears start to slide down Percy’s face.

But not for long. There is no time to panic, because Rookwood clicks his fingers at them and tells them to line up on the dais in the Atrium, as a hundred camera bulbs flash and blind them. Banners are draped everywhere, and while they show the Ministry’s insignia and not the Dark Mark, the fact that so many people are walking around with rolled-up sleeves makes clear that they are one and the same now.

The only comfort, he thinks, the only comfort, is that - as he looks out at the sea of chairs, signs affixed to them reading Avery - Dolohov - Mulciber - Carrow in elegant calligraphy, he doesn't see one labelled The Dark Lord.

A hush falls over the room as Mr Thicknesse, in magnificent burgundy robes, his hair slicked back, displaying his high forehead, steps on to the dais and places a series of notecards on a lectern. It is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Percy wonders if the hammering of his heart is echoing in the room.

‘Wizards and witches of Britain,’ says Thicknesse, and there is an outbreak of applause. He holds up his hands to still it.

‘Wizards and witches of Britain. My friends.

‘This afternoon, following a special meeting of the electors, in which they voted unanimously in my favour, I was invited by the Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot to accede to the office of Minister for Magic. It was my profound honour to accept the position. I am humbled by your trust in me to steer our great nation through this time of turmoil.’

There is another outbreak of applause, another barrage of camera flashes. And Percy notices that Lestrange is standing at the back of the room, talking to a man who greatly resembles him. Who must, he supposes, be his brother.

‘I have sworn before the court and swear before you now that I will uphold and defend the values - and the dignity - of the Ministry of Magic.’

In the years to come, he will look back and wonder whether he can pinpoint the exact moment when his life changed. If he can unravel a single thread from the tapestry of a hundred thousand ordinary days and follow it back to one pivotal second.

‘But I consider it my duty to go even further. I consider it my duty not only to defend the dignity of the Ministry, but to defend the dignity of magic itself.’

And he will conclude that he can. That he can trace all of it, every single bit of it, back to Rabastan Lestrange leaning forward, and accidentally brushing against Rodolphus Lestrange’s injured shoulder, and Rodolphus wincing - only slightly, but enough to make clear to Percy that he is not a monster at all - and revealing himself to be an ordinary man, who is tired after a long day and who aches.

‘Because are we not tired? Do we not grow weary at the sight of our traditions being torn down and soiled? Do we not feel crushed as more and more of our values are washed away, as the ordinary, hard-working witches and wizards of this country are told that they should be ashamed of themselves for their faith in the might of magic?

‘I will be a Minister for those people. I will be a Minister for those who are proud to be set apart by magic. I will rid them of the filth which pollutes their lives and forces them into compromise and shame.

‘I will bring them something clean and true and refreshing.

‘Something proud.

‘And pure.’

[if you think this speech is copied from succession... you would be one hundred percent correct.]