#its such a double edged sword of working on something for myself but at this point im also used to people being able to read the characters

[ninawolv3rina]

So mad that In Perpetuum won't be ready for even alpha readers for a good long while I want people to meet these fucked up little assholes

[drchucktingle]

On your blog you've talked about dealing with chronic as a result from the stress of masking your autism.

It's a bit of a different situation, but my little sister (who we've begun to suspect has adhd) has been experiencing chronic pain in her arms and legs. I may be totally off base, but I was wondering if a similar stess might potentially be a factor in her pain.

If you're willing, would you mind talking about how your pain affected before you found a way to manage it (I tried searching your tumblr, but not much came up, so sorry if I'm asking a question that's already been answered)?

Thanks either way, I love your books. Love is real!

sure buckaroo GOOD QUESTION. i have had chronic pain in some form or another for LONG TIME in a number of STRESS RELATED WAYS. in past it has been cracking teeth from clenching dang jaws while i sleep and things like that, but a few years ago it was FULL ON BODY PAIN AND TIGHTNESS like every muscle was clenching up. went to the doctor over and over all kinds of dang specialists and it was very difficult to figure out what was going on. eventually landed on a sort of nebulous trot of STRESS but i can get more specific.

there are several things about me that you would never know just from looking or even talking to me for long times. i am a bi buckaroo, i am a non-dysphoric trans buckaroo, i am an autistic buckaroo. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE THINGS IS EITHER HIDDEN AUTOMATICALLY OR I AM SUCH AN EXPERT AT HIDING THAT IT IS SECOND NATURE

autism presents its trot in many ways, so my words do not apply to all, but my version is EXTREME ORGANIZATION AND ENDLESS WORK ETHIC. in way of freud (which is a silly way but sometimes good for symbolism talk) i have what you would call an OVERDEVELOPED SUPER EGO which is a double edged sword. i can write 100s of books at an incredible pace, but also feel like my body is constantly collapsing in on itself

this is not really something i consciously think about much, but eventually these health problems started creeping up. it was all from carrying this mystery tension in my body, because while it feels EASY for me to mask i believe all that tension goes somewhere and it stores up and stores up and stores up.

so i think the HEALTHY way that i have found to deal with this (i think of it as releasing the steam valve a bit so the boiler does not break down) is ART. this space where i am allowed to be CHUCK TINGLE and write without obsessing over the spelling or punctuation, or to loudly express my queerness, or explore gender, and to let my neurotypical mask down DIRECTLY RELIEVES my chronic pain because it literally makes my muscles relax.

when i started out this ARTISTIC TROT as chuck i used a LOT of metaphor to keep my privacy, with different words or different versions of people for different things, and buckaroos found this very funny. as a way to express myself artistically i also liked this metaphor trot a lot, but i have also found that the LESS metaphor i paint over my life as chuck, the better it is for my health. if you have noticed, i talk less about some of the parts of my life that were metaphors, or maybe you have seen that my voice has relaxed a bit in interviews, or that i carry myself a little differently over time, this is partially why. (there is another artistic reason that was a planned trot from the beginning and it has to do with my feelings as a young autistic buckaroo of not fitting in on this timeline, but we can dive into that later).

anyway, as PRACTICAL ADVICE i would say that FINDING A SPACE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF WITHOUT FEAR OR MASKING has been the number one trot for me. that can be a pink bag over your head writing hundreds of erotic shorts, or that can be just laying on the ground howling your heart out, or doing whatever stim you need to do.

i will also say that ONCE I REALIZED IT WAS MUSCLE TENSION getting a physical therapist helped a lot. because there are two sides, you have to start releasing steam from the steam valve, but at the same time youve also gotta start HEALING THE DAMAGE. so i think stretching and techniques like that can be very helpful.

hope that helps buckaroo LOVE IS REAL

[aezuria]

*ੈ✎ always an angel, never a god.

—not strong enough, boygenius

note: hey guys i think you were a lil TOO happy after that last jason post 😇😇😇

content: jason grace x reader; oneshot, 1.2k

warnings: ANGST, violence, character-centered???, allusions to suicide, probably inaccurate death cause i spoiled myself by reading it but i was too sad to check again

jason was tired. so tired. he felt like he was sinking into quicksand as he walked, back aching as if he was atlas, holding up the sky. his fingers twitched, residual sparks of lightning flickering up his arms. they stung. they had never stung before.

he marched straight to his lonely cabin, not stopping at leo's bunker, or aprhodite's cabin—not even yours. he was never too tired to say hi to his friends before. he was never too tired to say to you before. what was wrong with him?

the door shut behind jason, providing him an escape from the ever-busy camp. it gave him relief to slump to the floor, his legs giving out on him as if they were just holding out until he was alone, where prying eyes couldn't reach.

he simply sat there, hugging his knees to his chest like he did whenever he wanted to hide from the loud orders he was given as a child, or so he remembered.

his perfect mask was breaking, his perfect attitude slipping. his nails dug into his arms, the bite of pain clearing his foggy mind. he wouldn't allow himself any time to wallow in his feelings. jason forced himself up and headed into the bathroom.

he wanted nothing more than to take a warm bath, to soak for a while and rest his aching muscles. maybe slide a little too far down so his head dipped below the water, and stay there until it did its work.

but he couldn't, and he wouldn't. he got into the shower, the water ice against his skin. his body screamed in protest, lungs tightening as he took a deep breath at the sudden drop in temperature. that was sure to keep him out of his own head.

and yet, like everything he felt he did recently, he failed. jason couldn't sleep, his mind racing with feelings he tried so hard to shove down. emotions impeded with his ability to work, and if he couldn't work properly, then he was useless. his brain didn't seem to care; it laughed in his face as it threw thought after thought at him. because maybe, in the back of his head, he did feel useless.

it was always percy this, percy that. percy got to be praetor while jason got whispers of "you could never be him." was there something about him that was so forgettable people couldn't wait to replace him? was that why his memories were gone? because nothing about them was so important for even him to hold? was that why, even though little by little they returned, he still had blank spaces in the days he used to recall? maybe if he worked a little harder, he'd be as good as him.

and it was quite unfair of him to feel this way, he believed. after all, percy was a good guy. it's not like they were on bad terms— they could even be called acquaintances, friends if you were looking on the bright side.

thinking of friends brought him to you, the only one he had memories of from the start. you were his best friend, his one and only. you stuck with him, explaining who he was and where he came from as best you could. he remembered how you had painted him like an angel, but he looked at the gaps of your brushstrokes and saw that he was hardened like a double-edged sword. he remembered how you glorified the structure of the romans for his sake, but he read between your praise and found a yearning to be free.

and that's why when you slipped from his waiting heart, he let you go. he did not wish to anchor you when you were meant to be among the clouds, soaring like a bird (yet, why was it that he found you with the son of the sea instead of him?)

"i'm going on another quest." jason smiled weakly, doing his best to put up a brave face. but gods, was it hard. he wanted nothing more than to feel your warmth in his arms; maybe it would soothe the way his heart clenched every time he was reminded of the way he'll never be yours.

"another?" you frowned. he hated the way his eyes were drawn to your lips like lightning to metal. "didn't you just get back from one?"

he shrugged, trying to laugh it off. "yeah, well, someone's gotta do the work around here. i'm the best man for the job." he sounded like he was trying to convince himself. once jason realized your expression wouldn't change, his shoulders sagged. he looked more like a kid than ever, bearing the weight of the world only the gods could lift. "look, i'll get back soon, okay?"

"swear it?" you held out your pinky, your eyes never leaving his face. you offered him a grin, trying to lighten the mood. "if you don't, i might have to get you back for that."

jason chuckled, linking his pinky with yours. "i swear." but it wasn't enough, he needed to hold you. just one more time. he wrapped you in his arms, an aching feeling in his chest that wouldn't go away. his heart twisted even more once he felt you hug him in return, your hands stroking his back like you always did when he was anxious.

he felt you mumble a "be safe" into his shoulder, and he willed himself not to cry in front of you. he gave you a firm nod and pulled away, taking one last second to admire you before he had to leave.

"see you soon, jason." you offered him one last smile.

"goodbye, y/n." why were the words so final on his tongue?

it was because he knew, from his sun-streaked hair to his sore heels, that he would never return. he had the foreboding feeling that something terrible was going to happen, and he'd rather have it happen to him than anyone else.

it was for the best, he thought. he'd die knowing he saved his friends than give up. isn't that what his whole life was for?

jason felt the arrow pierce his heart, three more succeeding it. it was strange. though he bled and bled until he laid in a bed of blood, it felt like a cruel but relieving escape from his emotions. it eased his limbs like a drug, made him feel high on the tang of silver in his mouth. but his heart still fought to beat, to live, to remember. memories of leo and piper, percy and annabeth, frank and hazel. reyna and camp jupiter, chiron and camp half-blood. jason remembered you. how your smile was the light of his life, how it was the last time he'd ever see it again. but he'd die happy, the image of your face branded into his eyes as they shut. when the spear pierced his chest one last time, he felt the weight of his mind disappear back into the sky from which he came from.

(but his mind was light from the holes in his story that he could never truly fill.)

[dapperbasil]

For as much as the Toreador take pride in their loves, their distractions, their joys, their trances, I find no pride in such things. As nights go on and days turn to weeks and turn to months, I find myself unaccustomed to such a perverse feeling overtaking me. My Lady has been ever so kind to me as I rediscovered who I am after my embrace, yet the comfort I should get from such a thing is always and forever cast over by a shadow of perversion and disgust. Something that is supposed to be natural to me gives no feelings other than personal hatred and embarrassment. Each time I slip into that state of inaction, of inability to do more than stare in fascination I come out of it worse off than I stepped in. 

I am not a member of the Toreador clan. I have never been welcome in the homes of the roses, aside my brief stint in the haven of Lady Annalyse. Even then I was looked down upon as if I were not equal, and to them I suppose I may never be. I have always been a spectacle to them, something to catch their attention for a moment or two and be tossed aside. I suppose I am lucky in that way, as I have been spared the short attention span that seems to plague those embraced in such a way. 

The only things to catch my eye are those I would have found truly beautiful before my embrace nonetheless, which seems to work as its own kind of curse in a way. No longer can I stand the tender touch of my liege, the one person I love with all of my being. Her compassion brings me nothing but pain as I lose myself in the attention, his love being a double edged sword brought down upon my neck. The beauties of the world around me also pull me further and further into myself and stand to distract me from my duty. The glimmer of starlight on water, the beauty of the moon overhead shining with all of its brilliance to name a few. Each hurts me further and further, tempting the beast within to overwhelm me.

No longer will I allow the rose clan to hold the strings to the marionette which is my heart. I must learn to withstand these temptations, and quickly as to not embarrass Lady Thalia. The circumstances of my embrace have been quite the challenge to come to terms with for the past months, and even now I still do not feel as if I am truly myself or I ever will be again. Phillip died a gruesome death on that bloodstained cobblestone road four years ago, and in their place stands a rose plucked of all petals, only thorns remaining on the stem. My Lord has graced me with this new name, this new meaning to life, and I must show my gratitude in the only way I can.

My name is Thorne, and I am a knight of house de Sorrez. Tonight is the night I will be presented to all as a member of clan Lasombra, one year after the failure of clan Toreador to present me as one of their own. This time I am ready for the obstacles ahead of me, ready to traverse the battlefield of Elysium with Lady Thalia at my side.

-Thorne, Toreador fledgling and childe of Thalia/Tulio de Sorrez of Clan Lasombra

[fiddlepickdouglas]

I know you've got me blocked which is fine, but to anyone else who reads this (and op), this is for you.

You're welcome to feel that way, and it's rare that I ever do come off as condescending. I was aware that might be the case but as evidence from above, did not have the energy to edit that tone. Honestly, my only apology is for not waiting to hit post until I could change my tone in that response, although frankly, I wouldn't have changed it.

My point was, as someone who did come from a Christian background and survived a great deal of abuse due to that upbringing, is that the laughter is more than just a thin shield in many cases. Coming from a world where anything we do is punishable whether it truly is right or wrong or moral or whatnot, because ultimately all the adults around us care more about controlling us than seeing us as people - that turns laughter into one of the greatest weapons.

It's a survival tool and a coping mechanism, and not a mere bandaid to "displace guilt" or "whatever." I know I'm not guilty of anything for my queer identity or for enjoying explicitly sexual/kinky content if I so choose. It's taken a great deal of work to reach that mindset and it's mostly been through the help other other queers who have similar experiences. It's not an excuse to make an inappropriate joke out of anything, but for those of us who have had to radically rewire our brains after letting go of certain beliefs, we've earned the right to poke fun at them.

As a writer (although admittedly one who doesn't typically write or read smut for reasons outside of this discussion), I'm also aware that many of the things people write either as professionals or in fanfiction is an attempt to process their own worldview in some manner. Whether that's to work out their own trauma or make any sort of commentary, or simply to write down what goes on in their head because it's taking up too much space, or some other reason, all of that is equally valid. If people are writing kink and repeating that phrase, then the follow up to how it's treated is more important to pay attention to than the line itself.

Since it is clearly not your thing, you're welcome not to use it in your writing and politely turn down any requests or prompts that include it. That's every writer's right. As a reader in a day and age where filters are a thing, and there's are so many methods to pare down results with a fine toothed comb (especially on AO3), that's the reader's responsibility.

But wishing a level of control so far as to say nobody should be saying that phrase so you don't have to deal with it is where it borders on unhealthy. Which is not to say you're invalid or wrong for those feelings, but the strength of the reaction might indicate that a break is needed from something or several things. Because saying you won't police people when there's some desire there to eradicate something that, ultimately, is far more complex than your personal feelings on it, can lead to a direction that unintentionally winds up sounding exactly like right-wing Christian ideals and control tactics, just with woke terminology. I'm not saying that's where you're already at, not even remotely, but I'm just a little too familiar with the territory and it's dangerous ground you're standing on.

Which is why there is every reason to sort out any anger and laugh in the face of punishment, because that is also an extremely queer thing to do, if not one of the queerest, and taking pride in it has been the point for as long as religion has been used as an excuse to other us. Is it still your choice not to? Absolutely. It's a respectable choice. But so is mine.

If you're spend more time being worried about the language that other queer people use in their fanfiction/daily life where it does relatively little harm than the very real threats several hate groups and governments pose to our existence, all that's likely to do is cultivate the kind of infighting that those same threats hope will keep us distracted so it's easier to legislate our lives away. I know that sounds extreme, but at this point that's the reality. My original response may have been annoying clownery, but now I'm fully serious. The moment you step back and resolve your feelings about people saying "I'm going to hell for this," and find something to focus on in the manner of either supporting yourself or others in a way that encourages growth, who knows. Maybe you'll get the joke, then. But that's still your preference and your choice.

the fact that “i’m going to hell for this” hasn’t dropped out of the lexicon for writing/reading smut pisses me off so much

[driftingmoonmenace]

Tw vent

I'm still gonna take my break but I guess I just wanna get my thoughts out. I'll probably delete this later.

I guess I'm starting to think or realize that I'm severely burnt out or stressed out because of the pressures of social media and being 'present' in the fandom. My creativity over time has tanked and getting motivated to work on my AUs or draw or write is like non-existent. I have other stressors going on irl rn too, but I've just noticed over time the amount of frequent breaks I have to take from social media anymore because of my mental health.

It's not to say I dislike creating fandom stuff or anything. I still love Sun and Moon dearly, even tho my hyperfixation is nowhere near where it once was! I still enjoy seeing what people create! I still enjoy creating things for the fandom!

I guess I just can't help falling into the habit of feeling like I need to be more active, more social, worry over whats the best time to post stuff, compare myself to others, stress over posting sketches instead of full finished pieces. Writing and feeling so embarrassed over what I write. I know it's no one's fault but my own. I shouldn't stress over things like that and create for myself instead of others. I just live off validation at this point from years of drawing for others or money. I rarely draw for myself anymore. Validation makes me want to keep creating.

I stress over my 'inadequacies' of being a slow artist with no spoons and little to no motivation most days or leaving people on read and not replying because socializing stresses me out even though I enjoy it. Saying I'll do things and then backing out of them, showing how unreliable I am over and over again.

Idk fandom is just such a double edged sword to me and is something I very much enjoy and want to participate in, but also i get so overwhelmed with the pressure and expectations I put on myself. Fandom has changed so much over the past few decades and i feel like by not posting im becoming 'irrelevant' within the fast paced hellscape its become. It's frustrating.

[kasaneteto]

thoughts about honesty & lying and my relationship with these concepts before intake a power nap because i only got 4 hours of sleep thanks to daylight savings

i didn’t really realize until this year just how deeply ingrained in me the urge to lie is. i will just say fucking whatever if its what i think the conversation needs. (or i should say i used to. ive been really making an effort to not say ANYTHING that i dont mean and its fucking hard but its getting easier fs) this is a bit of a double edged sword because like, i AM very good at talking to people and being friendly & this skill definitely stems from the years and years of people pleasing, but at the same time i have to really hold myself accountable if i want to be impeccable with my word, because the natural instinct to tell a lie is SO strong.

my parents would punish me for honesty so i very quickly learned it was better to lie and not get yelled at (which didnt even always work lol) and as a result have had to learn how to be honest with even myself. it was SO deeply ingrained that when a truth was difficult or painful i would just lie to myself instead of facing the music. ive gotten a lot better about being honest with myself about my feelings, my recent breakup helped me realize that i still had a lot of work to do in that respect and ive been doing a lot of introspection about it. but what im really struggling with is the impulse to say things that i think will help the conversation flow even if they arent true, and in my effort to NOT do this i seem to have become… too honest? i dunno. ive always hated fakeness and niceties of that kind so sometimes I’ll say something in response thats super honest but like….i did not need to say that.

despite my honesty making people uncomfortable at times i feel way better about myself this way. i feel like a toddler sometimes with how much i wear my heart on my sleeve these days but it feels good to know that hey at least im being genuine yknow? like what you see is what you get with me. im not exactly an open book but im not gonna pretend to be someone im not just for your sake. like ive been doing that my whole life and STILL got rejected by people left and right so like. who cares. i’ll just be myself and be honest and forthcoming and not worry about what other people think of me. because the people who like me and want to spend time with me will stick around. and if im being myself and people dont like that, WHO CARES!!!!! get well soon bitch because im fucking awesome. it feels good to say that and truly believe it.

anyways. tl;dr if we’re friends theres a good chance that one day i will say something to you and then immediately say “that wasnt true im sorry idk why i said that” because it has been happening often LOLLLL

[jilanne-jpg]

The Lone Lane

In the season of growth I have been alone. There's some bittersweetness to it because it's showing me how close I am to the life I aim to live and it's showing me what and who needs to go. There's no distractions, no stimuli, no outside sources to influence my decisions. Over this past year i've done so much groundwork on myself. Learning what grace is and what a double edged sword really feels like. In the instance of watching people doing your wrong and knowing it's not even about you or watching people say one thing and do other; specifically in a sense of self harm. My values are my north star, they bring me back to myself and what it is i stand for. I think the most hurtful part about this process has been reevaluating the people you have around you-your network and community: your support system. I've had to literally start from the ground up. Again, limiting all distractions. Severing ties with people, places and things that no longer serve me.

The second most important part of this process is pouring back into yourself to sustain the growth. As cliche as it is, its so pivotal to your growth and the systems you've created for yourself. Whether it's a Sunday ritual of only doing things for you, or a weekly practice you've implemented into your routine to keep your focused on your goals; it's a system. As it gets colder, getting back in the gym and blogging have been goals within my system of growth. Goals, just for me that i share with no one. I'll blog about how i feel or what's going on with me at the time or something interesting i've learned. Blogging has been my sense of creativity when i need an outlet, to share. My thoughts are my gift to the world and working out it my gift to me. I think my favorite part about going to the gym is no matter how long of a break from it, i'm willing to go back for more. It's symbolic to my journey of growth, with it's ups and down, im still willing to continue to grow.

[starlightkun]

genuine question, how do you write so fast? 😭 i feel like you’re so quick with your works, both writing and putting them out!!

also i found your tumblr on ao3 and i have to say that you are carrying nct fics on ao3. i hope you never stop writing cause i could be 40 and i would still read your stuff 🫶

i think a big thing has been getting out of my head abt writing! like i only write when i want to, i don't stick to word counts (minimums or maximums), and i dont compare myself to other writers (not that i read a whole lot of fic anymore, but there's a few that i still keep up with and one of them churns out fics way faster than i do, and another who posts like maybe two or three times a year but i still love them!) like i've def said this before, but for me, writing fic is fun, it's something i do bc i want to and if i open a word doc and i'm genuinely dreading it, i'm not gonna do it (my adhd brain simply will not make me lol--tho that is a double edged sword bc i do have to chase myself into doing something i like sometimes, but the ritalin has helped a lot xx)

i also dont go into my fics completely clueless anymore. like, i for sure don't know everything, i learn a lot along the way, and tend to change stuff (and get surprised by my own fics, which is always fun!), but i definitely have more of an outline and general sort of sketch of the fic in my brain and in my word doc before i start actually writing real scenes of any sort, which has definitely helped. like, starting with one little idea isn't bad at all (strawberry sunday literally just started w the fact that i liked the title of a song that i hadn't even heard yet and it turned into like 10 fics??), but i dont just start writing head empty anymore (i used to get a tiny spark of inspiration and try to write everything start to finish immediately because i thought i'd lose it if i didn't, and it'd burn really short. now i sort of just sit with it and slowly tend to it like fire instead and it lasts a lot longer and gets a lot bigger). i ruminate a lot before anything that looks remotely like a story leaves my ideas doc and gets its own doc

idk if this necessarily makes me write faster, but i also edit as i write? like, sometimes i open a fic and i don't have anything in me to write, but i'll reread what's in the draft so far and edit, make little changes, fix continuity errors, etc. not only does it keep the whole plot so far fresh in my mind as i continue writing, but then i have a lot less to proof myself when i finally finish the whole thing because i've already caught a lot of spelling, grammatical, and plot errors! i used to find editing a slog to do bc when i finished my first draft i would be so excited and wanted to just post it! and didn't want to reread all this stuff i just wrote several times to try to find typos, and now it's usually a breeze bc my first draft isn't really my first draft, it's been continually revised as it was drafted. and sometimes i open a doc, won't feel like writing, tinker around with some editing, then suddenly have a lightbulb moment while i'm editing and jump into writing

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

Do you support AI art?

That's a very complicated question, and one that I don't want to avoid answering given that it's a very real and present debate right now.

In short, no, I don't personally support AI-generated art as it currently stands.

While I'm open to the idea of using AI as a tool to enhance learning and creativity and generally believe that the increasing use of AI can create a more accessible world, I feel that AI art, in its present form, operates with too few restrictions. I’ll be the first to admit that I haven't done extensive research into all the nuances of the debate. However, as fast as AI is advancing, I believe we need to have open conversations about it and be willing to learn. Based solely on what I've seen and read—particularly from artists who have spoken out on this issue—I believe AI-generated art, at this point, can be harmful. AI often relies on existing artworks as input, producing works that utilize techniques or styles of actual creators without giving proper credit or compensation to the source material. This strikes me as deeply unethical and is something I'm growing increasingly concerned about.

I also want to acknowledge upfront that I'm likely guilty of sharing AI-generated art unintentionally in the past. I’ve been making an effort to be more mindful and seek out sources for the art that I share, so I can directly support the artists rather than contributing to algorithms that can exploit them.

I understand that AI has made it much easier for people to bring their fantasies and dreams to life, which is fantastic. The ability to visualize complex and imaginative ideas more easily than ever is a significant advantage, especially for those who may not have the financial means to commission an artist directly. However, this often comes at the expense of creators, whose work is being used without permission or compensation to fuel these AI visions. This raises serious ethical concerns about the origins of these works and the impact it has on the creative community. I see it as a double-edged sword—imagination becomes more accessible, but at the cost of the artist. Personally, I avoid using AI art altogether, choosing to support artists over the instant gratification that AI might provide. That said, I’m not one to judge or blacklist someone who uses AI, as long as they’re not reposting and claiming the art as their own.

I also recognize that AI can be a useful tool for artists, particularly when it comes to generating reference images for body proportions, poses, or movements—things that can be difficult to find through a simple Google search. I know a few artists who have used AI art generators for this specific purpose as they continue to learn and grow. I don't feel it’s my place to decide whether this is right or wrong. For many growing artists, AI can serve as a valuable resource in developing their skills. As AI technology evolves, I can see it becoming a powerful teaching aid, potentially helping artists refine their craft in ways that weren’t possible before. However, at this point, I believe AI art is doing more harm than good.

I’ve definitely seen AI art that has left me in awe of its composition and detail. However, I remind myself that this art was created by drawing upon the work of someone real, living, and working—often without their permission. This makes the issue feel morally complex and, frankly, a bit uncomfortable.

Ultimately, this is a complicated issue and a moral dilemma that we all need to grapple with. I don't denounce those who use or appreciate AI-generated art, but given my very limited understanding of the full scope of the debate, I feel it isn’t my place to make definitive judgments. As I continue to learn more, I hope to develop a more nuanced perspective and back up my views with solid research. For now, these are my messy, complicated feelings.

If you're interested in exploring this topic further, here are some articles discussing the ethical implications of AI that I've read in the past:

[strixton]

"having adhd is easy" "lol I'm so crazy I must have adhd" "haha watch me be crazy because I have adhd"

I am currently stuck in my bed, my phone dying but I don't have energy to find my charger in my sheets. I have to pack up an entire dorm room before 3pm tomorrow. I need to eat but cannot get myself to leave this bed. I am fighting back a huge anxiety attack due to the stress of not being able to do what I need to because of something called executive dysfunction. due to the fact that I cannot tell when my body is tired until I'm near passing out, I stayed up till 3am last night. I'm exhausted. I'm confused due to brain fog. I'm afraid to ask for help for stupid reasons.

ADHD is not a silly goofy disorder. ADHD is not "crackhead behavior". ADHD is not *just* a hyperactive little boy.

ADHD is a *disorder*. It makes life difficult to the afflicted with it.

Yes, it can have its perks. I'm really good in fight or flight situations. But because I work at my bed during points of high stress or anxiety, I cannot physically bring myself to do work unless my brain convinces itself that I'm in crisis. And this means for basically anything, unless I am doing a task for someone else.

Please, for the love of my own sanity, if you are going to make someone ADHD and not just hyperactive, also show the less "quirky" parts of it. Show the meltdowns over change, the panics over impulsively you can't control, the "bed rotting" when you want to do homework but physically can't, the disassociating, and the hyperfocus states that make you forget basic needs like food or the bathroom.

My disorder is not a quirky fun character trait or excuse for your high energy. It's a double edged sword that tends to slice its wielder harsher than its foes.

[borom1r]

hmmm 3, 5, 6, 11, 14, 20, 22, 26, 38, 40 for the fun questions meme <3

ooooooo ok these’ll b inchresting :3

3- 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

th lotr trilogy (duh), I Saw the TV Glow, The Last Unicorn :3

5- what made you start your blog?

THIS blog? suicide bait on my old blog :3

tumblr in general? a friend showed it to me in high school n i made one n my life was irreversibly changed lmfao

6- what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

ATTENTION. double edged sword. like ok i try not to let myself care abt attention and try to be rlly careful now abt who i interact with but at the same time it rlly is validating when things Get Attention. some of my favorite fics have little to no engagement :( n like yea its not healthy to create FOR engagement (fast track 2 burnout) but its also like very disheartening to put time n effort n passion into sth only for it to fizzle out in the void

but whatever. ill make weird art forever

11- what do you consider to be romance?

THIS IS SO FUNNY 2 GET bc soooo much recently has made me reevaluate like. how I perceive this lollllll

anyways short answer: idfk man!!!!!!! close friendships n romance r incredibly cloudy in my mind cuz ive got a bad case of dogbrain!!

long answer is i just don’t quantify that stuff the way neurotypical ppl do :3 ties into th autism + nonhumanity. i also think cis ppl being attracted to me is gross lol. ideal romance for me is bein held n tended to like a noble knight tends their sword. I feel love like a dog feels abt their human!!! dogbrained!!! romance is being a guard dog, being a Really Good Boy but just soooo disconnected from like. idk allosexual/neurotypical quantifiers of “romance” for me lol

+ i don’t use th label rlly but im def somewhere on th ace spectrum lol like physical intimacy is only rlly “safe” conceptually when its completely disconnected from th realm of possibility. like thirsting over celebrities or like th knight i have a crush on. + cis ppl desiring me is rlly like.. ew 😒 don’t look @ me anymore man

14- what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

UM. funnily enough im gonna do th Big Thing this summer :3 im going 2 th renaissance festival shirtless this year now tht im post op

s’gonna be scary showin off my scars but i rlly wanna go all out n celebrate finally havin top surgery. like im alive!! despite everything im alive n im happy ^_^ so cis people be damned, im gonna run around like a lil wolfguy for the first weekend!!!!!

20- favourite things about the night?

i love the moon :3

i also love how still n quiet things get

22- say 3 things about someone you love

ITS SO BRAVE!!!!!!!!! ITS LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST GUY I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO PROUD OF IT FOR HOW MUCH WORK IT DOES TO BETTER OUR COMMUNITY N PROUD OF IT FOR PURSUING TRANSITION + CANT WAIT TO SHARE MORE TRANS JOY W/ IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(hiiiiiii Ly hehe!!)

26- fave colour and why?

when i was a kid my favorite colors were neon yellow n neon pink :3 they still kinda are but now i usually stick to like lime green or bright red paired w black. forest green + dark blue r gr8 too

38- fave song at the moment?

DONT ASK ME TO PICK JUST ONE???????

here r some I’ve had on loop lately: Far Away (Roadside Ghost), Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl (Broken Social Scene), I’m Already Gone (Baroness), Sex for Homework (MSI)

40- any bad habits?

oh yea i have dermatillomania lol

it doesn’t rlly bother me to talk abt bc i think “gross” stuff like that deserves to be less stigmatized— my shoulders n back are COVERRRRREED in little scars + scabs

[braveheartstoryteller]

Lately, I've been thinking about how KH3 tells its story. Its style is both engaging, and infuriating a the same time. Often it says something, in what it doesn't say. There is this whole layer that I've noticed of little bread crumbs of ideas sprinkled throughout the story. Sometimes it is in a off hand comment by a character, or a question posed in the journal that accompany's the story. On top of all that is the general story, which overall works and functions as a story should. But the true spark, the magic of this story, is the interplay between these two layers. This is what keeps me coming back to it. Both to understand its story better, but also to understand how it tells its story. No matter how frustrating it gets sometimes, I love this type of storytelling. It gives depth, I feel like I want to go back and study it. It doesn't give me all the answers, I have to find them myself. Of course this is a double edged sword, because in this case, there are only so much to find. I'm still left with more questions than answers. So, as a storyteller and writer myself, I have to ask a question. Is there a way, to write a story in this way, but still give more than KH3 does and still not give away everything? Because if there is, these are the type of stories I want to interact with, and therefore write as well.

[seancamerons]

I love coloring, designing, and writing so much.

Doing these things keeps my mood so good, and happy. I 💖 it. I love being a creative! It's awesome. While I do get critical of my designs and writing, but I've made progress, and I can be super dedicated and passionate and happy accidents are reframed from what id normally view as a mistakes or id criticize it to where its no longer fun and happy.

I'm so thankful I was able to overcome and press onwards on my creativity journey, especially after i suffered with perfectionist times and burn out for the better part of 8 years. Only a decade ago I focused primarily on writing and creating passion projects as opposed to other things and I've become more driven and find myself loving and trusting the processes to come what may and everyday little chips away at the negatives and looking at the good and the positives. It's awesome I was able to do that and look at things differently. Even older projects I am less critical and look at it as it is, a journey, where the destination is eventually a thing but in the moment the present I'm focusing on the big picture and not getting overwhelmed. Although occasionally the little things make it worthwhile too, they're big parts of the puzzle of hodgepodge I call life. Like a variety pack of chocolates ,you never know. If anyone is feeling down or ultra critical just know that you never know until you start. Whatever you do my asvkce is to never criticize straight out the gate or downtqlk or downplay your dreams and ideas, even if they're mostly fantastical or unrealistic to you or others. You can find joy in that. It might not even look good to you at first but don't discount yourself, just get up and try again and maybe revisit and come back there is no shame in trying.

That being said, you ever said kind words about my creative projects and supported me on my various projects over the years, that is great, here is a giant thank you. It means so much, and I appreciate those words and positivity and support generally. ✨️

Also many thanks tumblr too for existing and giving me a place to be sharing and working with like minded folks. To me it's not a hellsite, but a outlet for me and others like me, or different from me to grow for the past decade plus and hopefully for many years to come. It took me a long time to get to this place, it took fails, false starts, therapy, comforting myself and kind words and even high spirited cracks qnd self criticisms to let go of my sometimes high expectations and standards I'd unrealistically set for myself. I was goddamn hard on myself. I was miserable and not even confident, and sometimes I'd discount myself and my skills or feel down or feel something was ugly even if it got notes or recognition I thought it was pity or a joke. I used to be and still can be sensitive too, that went hand in hand with my low esteem for myself and pettaining to myself. Idk why I thought it could be easy, a life in the creative realm but it's a double edged sword. The way I saw it I was preparing myself for crits. Hard-core crits that decimated my dreams initially and turned me into what I was. No more. I don't really like who I was then. I want to instil that to my friends here that failure isn't a measure of you as a human, you give up too easily or procrastinate? You are setting yourself up to feel the same on other things too.

Fot instance, I forced myself to uphold comparisons to help me, when it only hindered, and now I am at peace, finally. I wish I knew what I knew before, years ago in college fighting so hard, that one day I'd be at peace with myself, decisions, just because I failed once it's not my destiny or destination, it ain't over until it's over and to me it's only just begun.

Love always, Brimi

💗😊💙💖😊💙😊💙💗

[skayafair]

Is Cassius suited to be a leader?

I wonder whose bright idea at Vincula it was to make Cassius the leader.

Don't get me wrong, they're my (and I'm pretty sure everyone else's) favourite character, it's impossible not to like them. But what I ADORE is them having some very real shortcomings, and these shortcomings aren't very compatible with leadership.

The leader should keep their cool at any situation, stay level-headed about any problem (at least on the outside), and they DON'T act on impulse of jump straight into danger. It's just irresponsible - the leader is the decision-maker for the whole team, the one who plans and solves issus. If the team loses its head - who's gonna do all the work?

Ok, they have Greg to get them out of trouble. I think I need an art with Cass wearing "I get myself into trouble" shirt and Greg wearing "I'm getting everyone's asses out of trouble" one… hm. But still! Well, let's start from the beginning. First of all, it became clear to me in season 1 that Vincula, probably, didn't really have all that much budget and the Breach was a little experimental side-project of theirs, so they couldn't go for some super pro scientists. I mean Lizzie is… err alright, but Alyx sounds VERY young? And a physicist looks like a really important role for exploring new worlds?.. Plus, super pro scientists would have most likely rejected the proposal since they all treasure their lives pretty much, thanks a lot, and have their own research going. They are used to sitting at the tables for that, mostly, or ok, being in the wild, but with as many safety precoutions as possible. I mean, look at Silas. Classic and understandable. So Vincula needed not only people with paranormal experience, but also some desperate poor unfortunate souls who'd be ready to risk anything - to have a chance to escape, to prove something to themselves, just earn enough money to live happily for some years maybe… or naive, young ones who'd be happy to go through danger if it means something bright and great on the other side. In any case, they needed people who could take the risk, this had to be the main requirement.

Well, THIS one Cassus meets to an exessive degree.

Then, they are active, hate stalling - which is good for Vincula, the team should have the drive and someone to provide it. They are also overflowing with responsibility for others, and I LOVE how this is starting to play out by the end of season 2, I'll expand on this later. So Cass will make sure the team doesn't lose anyone as much as it's humanly possible, good. They also keep their physical form in check, which is important if you want to send someone to an expedition. And last but not least, they are a biologist - sounds logical for a biotech company to appoint a biologist as the head of the team, especially if they are SO ready to dive head-first into anything just to see and learn and study and are brimming with enthusiasm.

Oh, and did I mention Cassius (and, therefore, the whole team) should be easy to manipulate since Vincula has a lever over them?

Looks good!

Except nearly every point of this list is a double-edged sword.

First of all, the responsibility. Oh yes, Cass is filled with it to the brink, no doubts here. The problem is, it doesn't extend to their own safety, only for the others. Which can easily lead to the team losing their head, both literally and figuratively, in the middle of the mission. It's a good thing, I guess, that Cass doesn't do much actual planning. They were right back in the worm cave when they told Silas they don't have a plan because no one knows what's coming at them anyway. And Vincula gives the team some guidelines on what to do. So what role does Cassius play here at all?..

To me it looks like they are the inspiration for the breachers, said driving force, someone to push forward. Little did Vincula know Cass is just as good at pushing back and not moving an inch forward if they decide so...

Anyway, this CAN actually work, with one condition. There has to be TWO heads. One embodying the ideals, the driving force, inspiring others to follow them, the charismatic one. Cass checks all the boxes. And the other one - cautios, calculating, level-headed, not constricted by black-and-white thinking, the planner, because even in the most unknown conditions there should be SOME course of action prepared. The grey cardinal, so to say. And... this place is vacant in breachers team. Ok HAS been vacant up until later in S2. Which is why they were unbalanced for a looong time. I'm surprised they've lost only one member before getting to Breach 4. Greg tries his best to be the voice of reason and Silas warnes agains the worst possible outcomes but they are often batted away. Cassius doesn't take them as seriously as they should, and this results in casualties.

But anyway, back to the safety responsibility not being extended to Cassius themselves. To me this screams some really serius issues which are bound to backfire, and in a potentially highly dangerous unpredictable environment I'd want my people to be as mentally stable as possible. Alright, to be fair this can probably be only said about Greg and J out of the whole team. Maybe Alyx, I'm not so sure about her, being succeptible to all the hallucinations. And it DOES backfire mutiple times! Cass constantly charges right into action which results into them being hurt. This can't be good for the team's spirit. Cassius glues them together, and it's a very important role. If they are lost, the team will fall apart. Cassius seems to not realize this, and this is a fatal flaw for a leader in my eyes.

This one also leads to another thing - they are hot-headed and impulsive. It's the dark side of their drive: they hate to sit still and want to move forward, but this can lead to carelessness. The breachers had to make effort to convince them to listen to Lizzie when she spotted the acid Nessie and they didn't know it was there yet. What if the team didn't manage? And after they did, OF COURSE Cass had to volunteer to get the water. Because they see themself as totally disposable, meaning nothing. Goes very well with their sort of self-centeredness and coarseness in social situations, yep. Damn I love how this character is built because it all makes so much sense and fits so well together! *_*

So, we already established that lack of self-preservation a.k.a. responsibility for their own safety, especially paired with their hot temper, takes from Cass' ability to be a good leader.

Being very driven also showed its dark side.

Next, the lever thing. Cass complies so far, but they aren't the one to be obedient, and they are getting closer and closer to the breaking point when all the threats won't matter if they put the team and other worlds safety on the line. Vincula and Yanus seemed to miss the fact that Cass will give themselves up in a blink of an eye if it means others will be safe and sound. Which also means don't back this person into a corner. At best they will stand their ground like a rock, at worst they'll start biting back, and this will hurt. That, or do something stupid that will undermine the whole mission and will take some budget to cover the losses at the very least.

Right, about "something stupid". Cass is emotional. They are the beating living heart of the team, but also impulsive and hot-headed, as I mentioned. And they CAN let their emotions take the better of them. Not in any case, they have to be exposed to a considerable pressure for that, but one can't break the heart and expect it to keep pumping the blood for the whole body to keep moving. Also, partly due to their iself-worth issues, they aren't really that well-versed in social situations which creates conflicts. Cass is charismatic and seems to be able to pull even a tree into a friendly conversation if they want to, but this just barely saves them as the glue of the team. Others correct them from time to time, and Cass is already pretty self-conscious about themselves being not very sensitive to others. It's not a bad thing on its own but not very fitting for a leader, is it?

Now, let's follow this emotional thread back to the responsibility. I mentioned that Cassius is overflowing with it, and it's actually not very good. First of all, they grew too attached to the team, so they won't be able to make some cold-blooded decisions which may be necessary in dangerous environment. Ok, the team likes to think for themselves so they just decide collectively. Good.

But - and this is my favourite thing that picked up the most in the end of season 2 - Cassius doesn't manage to bear the weight of this responsibility because of how attached they are to everyone and their perfectionism in this department. The responsibility has already transformed into a full-blown anxiety, dragging Cass down and feeding to their other insecurities. Cassius is breaking underneath it all. They took up this job and role - and they don't really manage. They are still going to carry on with it bacause of the responsibility and their strong principles, but they are already crumbling down. And starting to make fatal mistakes.

I didn't listen to S3 yet and I'm VERY curious how they are going to handle the loss of Greg. It's good Silas is being taken seriously now and sort of co-regulates with Cass, helping to manage their emotions, cooling them down when necessary and supporting at their lowest - they both are gradually coming to that co-leadership model, mutually growing personality-wise, and I really like how slowly and naturally it was being established throughout the seasons, - but for the sake of Cass' own mental well-being I wish it happened earlier. By the look of it this loss is going to hit hard. Hope I won't be disappointed.

This last point - losing the battle in being the leader who keeps everyine safe, like an Atlas holding the sky, - is my favourite developement of the whole season, I think, because I don't see it all that often, but it's INTERESTING. Come on! True, I don't consume THAT much media, but I'd say it's not too little either, and this kind of character developement is rare. Because it means you'd have to let your best piece break and then what? Leave them? Restore? Set them up to the darker path? Turn into a villain? So many possibilities! But it's a risk, because what if the audience won't like losing their favourite? At least that's how I see the reasoning.

I can only think of two other examples with very similar qualities, character traits and positions being led a similar path - it's Arcane's Vi and Shiro from Voltron the Legendary Defender. They are both charismatic, glue/link everyone together, have this easy air around them - it's impossible not to feel good in their presence, same with Cass. Vi can also be pretty rough or crude at times. All are fighters. At the same time all three share the same leadership anxiety. They have big things to accomplish, people depending on them, either by their own miscalculated decision or by lack of other options, and don't really know how to approach this. Shiro didn't ask for a bunch of kids to lead into a full-blown war, he has a PTSD and ends up bringing quite a number of serious problems. Vi flings herself into the conflict between two city parts because her sister is in the center of it, but she drags a lot of people into it and makes a ton of mistakes. And so does Cass - they lead the breachers but clearly underestimated the risks and their own mental stamina. All three aren't going to give up, even when they really want to. All are broken by their decisions in various ways. This all is so raw and alive. I wish more creative teams explored this way of character developement.

And I'm looking forward to learning where Cass is headed, of course - now with those new losses and newfound strengths. Just... as soon as I pump up the courage because as much as I love it, heavy emotional stuff is, well, heavy.

By the way, I love how the podcast is structured - there are hints in the begining that start to make sense later, both Cassius' lines (mysterious so far, it's only clear they have amnesia and are talking to someone or somethig powerful? or, rather, influential?) and the backwards order of the worlds in the book Silas translates. So I think I'll just relisten to both seasons before I begin S3.

[tsuchinokoroyale]

you mentioned you've been working on a webcomic, can you tell us what it's about? or is it still hush hush under wraps in development NDA ?

Haha, it’s nothing so secretive. I won’t go into it too much bc as much as I love oversharing, I feel like sharing too much of a story impacts how much I want to work at making it cuz it already feels like it’s out there. Luckily the premise is super generic so I don’t mind sharing that 🥳

My 100% unabashed self insert protagonist (( we have the same birthday I’m not subtle about it )) is living a boring, monotonous, and lonely life. This all changes when he ends up on a bus with a charming greek statue of a man and they both get pulled into a beautiful dream world together. It’s a double edged sword, however, because as lovely as the dreams may be, they can’t wake up unless they fulfill the wish that exists at the core of the dream.

It’s an episodic puzzle box mystery/dramedy as the two of them get pulled into various situations. Contrary to the sound of the premise and the self insert OC it’s not actually a story about personal wish fulfillment, but about learning the cost of fulfilling other peoples wishes above your own. I have like 50% of the story written, but translating it to comic format AND THEN actually drawing it is such a slow process 😮‍💨

It’s also my first serious foray into art and it DEFINITELY shows but I’m aiming for completion over perfection. Its very much about me learning to meet myself where I am as well as me engaging with myself creatively as well as me giving myself something to do to distract myself from The Horrors™ of unemployment.

I think I want to finish the first 4 chapters before I post ANYTHING since that’s when the story really starts to start (( king of pacing what can I say 🤭 )) and given the fact that I’ve been working on this comic every waking second for the past 3 weeks and have finished… a third of the first chapter, it’ll be a few months til anyone sees anything, especially if I land a job between now and then 😮‍💨

Until then you can have my favorite panel that I’ve drawn so far, a text message notification from our MC’s town’s Bus Schedule App: