#its still a bit wild how this series is just so goofy and weird then you have THIS stuff in it too

[clockworkreapers]

We don't talk about what happened in part 4...

[s0lar-ch3ri]

alright, we got a tag for this im making!

wanna see this lil series? look through the new tag:

#the rats rise again!

for mythborne after the oneshot!

the first one can be found here:

"So...this is not Wylld-Ryatts College anymore huh?" Ryan chuckled as the trio stood infront of the school. It was hard to believe; the school had the same appearance and colors and everything, just no longer belonged to the wild rats.

Aster nudged him. "We noticed that before idiot. Only thing is why." Ryan rubbed his shoulder as Aster put her hand on her hips and pondered. Yesterday, the whole school had been worried for their lives as rats filled up the stadium where the floatball game had happened. Today, nobody remembered a thing.

"Well," Connor spoke up. "There's definitely correlation to how yesterday ended, no doubt. One thing that gets me confused is how everything was changed, as in the thing that changed about them."

"I don't follow," Aster commented.

"Yeah, me neither," Ryan agreed.

"The school is now Wyld Wyverns, right?"

Aster and Ryan nodded.

"So why is the play called 'Bats'? Wouldn't it be something like, I don't know, Wyverns?"

"Or Wats!"

"...Thank you Ryan."

"You make a good point though Connor, it doesn't add up."

"But you have a guess for what it is, right?" Ryan chimed in. "You don't bring things like that up unless you have a plan."

Aster and Ryan turned to their closest friend. None of them could tell if yesterday was a very weird lucid dream or if today was said dream, no matter how real it all felt. However, they had each other, even if one of them didn't always work his brain right. Even if one of them had stayed transformed as a rat for a bit out of stage fright. Even if one of them had something change in him that night, they were together. That's why they were still here after all.

"What if this wasn't really 'meant' to happen? Something, or someone, at this point I'm not doubting any possibility, used some super powerful magic to cover the whole thing up, and the magic just," Connor did rapid hand movements as he spoke, then spent a couple seconds trying to find the right word. "filled in the gaps?"

Ryan was about to say something, but then they heard a honk from a car. As they turned, Professor Aeliana was there in the driver's seat, as dewy as he was before.

"Hey Sunny!" He called out. "Are ya ready to go home kiddo?"

With a fully red face and the snickers of Connor (plus Ryan's bright smile and goofy wave), Aster called back, "Give me a second!" As Aster used her hat to cover her face and muttered for Connor to shut up, Professor Aeliana yelled again.

"...Ryan, Connor, bring her back in one piece!"

"What do you mean Mr. Aeliana?-"

Aster's phone buzzed.

1 new message from #1 Dad: Since it is your last year of college, I want you 3 to make the most of it. Since you don't normally get to, I'm letting you have a sleepover with those 2. I trust you'll make it to your classes tomorrow alright, so have fun, okay honey? I love you. <3

As they read the message, the professor had drove off. Aster smiled softly, there was a reason everyone liked him, even the one he constantly embarrasses.

"...You still have keys Aster?"

"Oh hell yeah, being in such a big club has its perks."

"Ryan, what are you-"

"Look, if we try looking around when school's open, we'll never find anything. But if we go in after school..."

"There's gonna be like nobody there to stop us."

"See, even Aster agrees with me!"

"Come on Connor."

"Wouldn't this be commiting a crime?"

"Isn't using dark magic to murder rats a crime?"

"There is a loophole anyways."

"Oh really?" Connor raised his eyebrow accusingly.

"Damn, and here I thought I'd be at risk of going to jail for real, phew! Or did that technically not happen because yesterday didn't happen..." Ryan wondered at the idea.

"There's always kids who have to stay afterschool, whether for tutoring or clubs, so we won't be totally alone."

"So we have to come later!"

"No, we go now. If the school is hosting students still, it's open, so it can't be breaking in, right?"

"Oh...yeah that makes more sense."

"Fine, but if this is a crime, I'm gonna kill you both."

Ryan laughed while Aster smiled and shook Connor's hand, knowing fully well that the provided threat could come true should Connor open to the right page.

"Right then," Aster pulled out a key ring with about 6 or 7 keys on it. "Let the wild rats rise again."

credit to @updogs-blog for the tags i jsut think this deserves its own post rather then a derailing reblog lol

should i write (on tumblr, on ao3 i will take forever) a mini series for these guys (asks could have like adventure requests and everything)? i feel like itd be fun (even if id have to make a new tag for it itd be worth it) and we get more mythborne content! ill let tumblr decide its fate...

(keep in mind: i can try to write them canonically but my own bias may slip through! ill try to catch it more if that does happen though, and if requested i can do headcanons in because who doesnt like a lil headcanon every now and then?)

i feel most confident in my ability to write: aster aeliana, ryan selucreh, biwi the rat

i think i could be somewhat accurate in writing: connor connors, professor aeliana, the j-crew, romeo

i dont think id do great, but ill still try to write: jasmine, the frat group, garry gilmore, etc

(i feel like tagging romeo juilet with that full name wont bring in the right fans...)

[trentaafcsblog]

NSFW Alphabet

Mason Mount

A - aftercare You’d be lying if you said that this wasn’t sometimes your favourite part about having sex, something about how soft and caring Mason becomes once the two of you have reached your highs just making you feel like the only girl in the world, and don’t get me wrong, he looks after you in the best possible way when you’re doing the business, but he’s just so much more attentive afterwards and he’s happy to kiss, cuddle and play with your hair as long as you need him to

B - body part Your ass, god he’s got an obsession with it, always catching him licking his lips whenever you wear *those* gym leggings or a tiny pair of shorts, and it’s got to the point where it feels weird not to have his hand glued to it twenty-four-seven

C - cum At the start of your relationship you were super strict about Mason wearing a condom, so it’s only recently that you’ve started to be a bit more adventurous when it comes to your orgasms, letting him try out all kinds of different things to see which you both prefer, whether that’s cumming on your ass, your your tits, in your mouth or inside your pussy, you’re still trying to figure that your one out, but it’s honestly the hottest thing knowing that at least one part of your body is decorated with his seed

D - dirty secret You’ve recently discovered the world of sexting, and it’s quite possibly your favourite thing, loving how you can pass your thumbs tapping away on your screen as ‘oh I’m just messaging my boyfriend’, when actually you’re begging him to be balls deep inside of you tonight whilst he fucks your pussy raw

E - exposed Not to jinx it but you haven’t been caught yet, there was one time where his mum came home from work early and you were face down on the mattress whilst Mason fucked you from behind, but that’s as close as it’s got, and fingers crossed it stays that way

F - foreplay Again, it’s something that’s taken time for the two of you to get into the swing of doing, but now it’s become an essential part of your sex lives, sometimes not even bothering to do the actual deed and instead just letting Mason eat you out whilst you suck his dick, loving how the other person can bring you so much pleasure in the most incredible ways

G - goofy At the start of your relationship there were a couple of times when you ended up in a fit of giggles, mainly because you were both worried incase you got ‘too’ into it and the other person wasn’t ready, but now you’re so much more comfortable around one another that it’s rare that you have outbursts of random giggles anymore��

H - horny Mason finds it hard not to be when you’re his girlfriend, always wandering around with a boner because you look so good all the time, looking at you with a twinkle in his eye each time you come down wearing a tiny top or a little pair of shorts in the hope that you catch on to what he’s thinking

I - intimacy It’s such an important part of your relationship, taking you a little while to feel completely comfortable around one another but now you’re both so close, both emotionally and sexually, which obviously helps when it comes to the bedroom

J - jack off Normally he tries to keep himself under control, especially since he knows that his hand has nothing on yours, but there have obviously been times when he’s been caught out and he just has to relieve some of his tension, sometimes struggling to keep himself sane when you’re busy spamming him with messages explaining how you’ll be sucking him off later

 K - kinks Mason’s got the biggest praise kink, loving how he thrusts deeper into your pussy or groans in your ear each time you call him your good boy, finding it so hot that those kinds of compliments just roll of your tongue without you even thinking, his brain fogging over with pure pleasure each time and causing his cock to almost explode 

L - location You usually stick to the bedroom, obviously there have been occasions where you’ve had sex on the sofa halfway through a movie or let him bend you over the kitchen whilst you’re making dinner, but you much prefer to keep it under the covers

M - moaning That boy knows what he’s doing so it’s practically impossible for you to hold back your moans, always turning into a complete whimpering mess for him when he’s slamming into you, and Mason’s just the same, always grunting and groaning in your ear with each thrust because you make him feel so good 

N - nudes You’ve both sent and received a fair few, Mason always choosing to pass his over when you’re out for lunch with your friends or sat at work, a series of photos of his rock solid cock appearing on your screen and causing the most furious blush to sweep across your cheeks, Mason finding it hilarious how you’ll get so turned on in an environment where you can’t do anything about it, only giving you a reason to punish him when you’re home 

O - oral His favourite thing in the whole wide world is seeing you knelt before him with his cock in your mouth, fucking your face for hours on end just so that he can hear you gagging and spluttering around him, your eyes streaming with tears and rolling back into your head as his cock hits the back of your throat

P - position Mason’s got two favourites - doggy and missionary, his choice of position depends on the mood that he’s in, opting for doggy if he wants to be a bit rough and reach his orgasm quickly, but choosing missionary when he wants to be a bit more intimate with you, loving how he can be so much closer to you and how you can feel his thrusts so much deeper

Q - quickie You both prefer longer sex sessions but obviously when the seconds are counting down on the clock then you’re making the most of the time that you have together, letting Mase fuck you at the most ridiculous speed before he needs to go to training or before you’re about to head out for dinner with your mates, loving how you can go about your day afterwards as though you haven’t just had your brains blown out, nobody knowing what you’ve been up to other than you two

R - risk You’re not the biggest risk takers to be honest, preferring to keep your sex life exclusively between the two of you rather than sharing it with a whole car park or holiday complex, but saying that, you have let Mason fuck you on the balcony in the early hours of the morning and you’ve also sucked him off in one of the back rooms at Stamford Bridge, yet other than that it’s pretty much safe sex in the company of just you and Mase

S - spit/swallow Swallow, always, why would you want to waste the aftermath of all of your hard work? Mason finding it the hottest thing ever that you don’t even have to contemplate your next move when he cums in your mouth, giving him your best innocent eyes or a little wink before you’re swallowing it down without any hesitation

T - toys You’ve got a vibrator that occasionally makes an appearance when you feel like you’re missing something in the bedroom, but nine times out of ten, you just let Mason do the work, his cock hitting all of the places that no toy could and his fingers rubbing your clit in a way that feels so good that you can’t even compare it to a vibrator, both of you preferring to be the people that bring each other pleasure, rather than letting a toy do the work

U - unfair Never ever ever, Mason’s honestly the sweetest person when it comes to sex so he’ll never cum before you, and even if he’s desperate to reach his orgasm, then he’ll try and hold off until your pussy is spasming around his cock first, hating seeing you begging and whining for him to let you cum so he’s always making sure that your needs are met well before his own

V - volume You can be prettyyy loud, which isn’t really hard when Mason fucks you so well, loving how you can scream his name as loudly as you want when it’s just you and him, your moans bouncing off the walls and echoing in his ears for hours afterwards, honestly finding your whines and whimpers so fucking sexy, especially since he knows he’s the only one making you feel that way

W - wild card Mason’s recently invested in a Polaroid camera to try and capture some of your best memories together, and somehow it’s managed to make its way into the bedroom too, resting on his bedside table until the perfect photo opportunity arises, taking a few snaps and hiding them away ready to look at when you need a bit of inspiration

X - x-ray It’s a good size, a veryyy good size, well and truly filling you up and managing to hit all of the right places, so you definitely aren’t complaining, even if it does sometimes take you a while to adjust to his length, much to Mason’s satisfaction 

Y - yearning He’s always in the mood to fuck you, I mean, who wouldn’t be when they’ve got such a pretty girl as their partner? Always catching him staring at your ass or letting his mind run free when his gaze brushes over your tits, but you don’t mind, because secretly you’re doing exactly the same to him

Z - zzz It’s hard not to fall asleep after sex, particularly your longer sessions, and regardless of whether it’s emotion-based or rough, it’s still wearing you both out and you can’t help but collapse in each other’s arms and drift off into a deep sleep afterwards, staying in the same position until the sun starts rising and you’re woken up to the memories of last night 

[triforce-princess]

well, i finally 100% completed hyrule warriors age of calamity in its entirety, including post game content, so i’m finally going to write a full review. beware this review will contain every spoiler imaginable so please do not click the read more if you haven’t finished the game yet and don’t want to be spoiled!

tl,dr; this game is a lot of fun despite some of its shortcomings and it’s really nice to see characters get the development they needed in breath of the wild. also a huge improvement gameplay-wise from the first game. if you’re a fan of breath of the wild it’s worth a try, just don’t expect breath of the wild style of gameplay! and if you’re a fan of the original hyrule warriors, you are going to love this a lot. ok now to get into the details. this is extremely long;

about the gameplay; it took me a while to fully adjust to the new controls and mechanics, but once i finally understood it it was so much fun. i originally wasn’t crazy about the sheikah slate runes since it was difficult at first to remember that a. i had that ability, and b. when the proper time to use it was. but when it finally clicked for me it brought a whole new interesting layer to the gameplay that challenged my memory in a fun way. it took me even longer to learn what the use of the rods were but those were great in a pinch once i figured it out. i also loved the flurry rush mechanic since dodging is a pretty important aspect of the gameplay. all these new layers added to this gameplay makes me wonder how i ever put up with the original hyrule warriors gameplay lol. something i wasn’t entirely crazy about was the wall jumping and paraglider stuff? i never really found it useful and it always just became a problem when i was trying to dodge and i’d be confused about why my character was slowly flying around at critical moments.

the camera in this game was pretty frustrating. with the more organic map & lots of tight spaces (which i’ll get more into later), the camera would get stuck a lot and you’d be unable to really see what’s going on and it got pretty frustrating at times. i wish there were some way they could fix that but i’m not sure what they could do without having the camera go out of bounds & show the edges of the map. maybe they could’ve made some of the objects that are in the middle not be things the camera get stuck on though.

i also felt like there were too many special effects going on with some enemies and attacks, sometimes it would cover up large parts of the screen & you wouldn’t be able to see what you were fighting and that was pretty stressful (i found myself frequently yelling “i can’t see!!” when i’d defeat a guardian or something in a room with lots of other enemies. this only became an issue in the later parts of the game though.

now about the maps, i do love how much more organic and natural they are. it’s a big upgrade from the original which had a lot of wide corridors leading into square rooms which were allied/enemy basses. but unfortunately, this causes issues with navigation and the camera getting stuck (like i mentioned before). i had a lot of problems where the map was too natural and i was confused about why i was getting stuck on level geometry when it looked like i could walk through there. i think the breath of the wild style makes this confusing too because you can’t really undo a thousand hours of being able to walk through nearly everything. but also it was just really unclear what was a wall and what wasn’t sometimes. i was surprised i actually had to zoom in on the mini map and look at that to move around at times. definitely an ambitious aspect of the game & i appreciate the effort and detail, but i don’t know if it works that great for this style of gameplay. i also don’t know why they bothered putting so many small details on the ground if they’re just going to pop in so close to the camera. it was kind of awkward when you cleared out all the enemies & were traveling to another location and it was the only noticable thing on screen.

speaking of ambitious, we can’t ignore this game’s framerate issues. it’s the first thing on everyone’s minds when talking about this game. most of the time, it was pretty acceptable. but they definitely pushed this game farther than the switch can go and it shows. i really appreciate the love they put into making this game as detailed as they did, but i don’t know if it was worth it in the long run. there’s only a couple times i can think of where the framerates got absolutely unacceptable, and it always seemed to be when there was a lot of electricity and enemies on screen at the same time. it happened once during the final vah naboris mission and another time where there were a ton of electric lizalfos all shooting electricity at once at the same time you have to fight an electric lynel. but, i’m not the kind of gamer that loses my shit over dropped framerates, i grew up with the n64 & have had to put up with poor early emulation many times in my life so framerates don’t really phase me until it just gets unplayable.

wasn’t crazy about how many late game missions were just boss rushes, but that’s pretty standard hyrule warriors fare. at least it was more fair in this game where most of the time you only had to fight one boss at a time and the next boss wouldn’t spawn in until you beat the first one, so there was no risk of accidentally aggro-ing a boss in another part of the map & have an unfair fight on your hands like in the first game. it was pretty anti-climactic how the seemingly final mission which had the highest recommended level was just another boss rush, and not even the hardest one (it was just a bunch of regular malice bosses in a row).

bit of a side note but i didn’t like having to grind for materials and find koroks for 100%. the koroks weren’t nearly as bad as breath of the wild though, thank god.

i’m pretty disappointed that some content that’s clearly in the game isn’t unlocked in the base game, it’s looking pretty likely that they’ll add it as dlc later & pretend it’s new content to make the game relevant again...i’ve always firmly believed dlc should be extra content that’s added in later. hopefully they’ll add some really cool stuff as dlc alongside the stuff that’s in the game & it won’t be so disappointing. there’s two characters i was sure would be unlocked as playable characters (sooga and astor) but i found it weird that you don’t get them in the post game and instead you get to play as the egg guardian (terrako) and calamity ganon???? talk about subverting expectations. also really frustrated to learn that zelda’s royal dress isn’t available in the base game but its in the files & is just missing one body part?? really hope that’s just a free update and not like, paid dlc. kind of dumb that they didn’t give the devs one extra day to model feet on the character.

about the story; the story starts out really strong i feel, i loved seeing characters get the development they didn’t get in breath of the wild and this game’s story makes breath of the wild’s story feel even more incomplete than it did before this game came out. and actually seeing the story play out in chronological order in real time without link having amnesia gave the story so much more feeling and connection. this is probably my favorite aspect of this game because i was always so disappointed with how disconnected you feel in breath of the wild because of the way the story is told. and it does so much of a better job illustrating link and zelda’s feelings. i’m probably the single most difficult person to convince when it comes to link and zelda being in a relationship or having feelings for eachother and i thought this was quite possibly the best master sword scene in any zelda game;

in previous games link has always had to prove his courage in a variety of trials spread across the land and to me its really boring, especially after how many times its been done. the thing that gets me about this scene is the master sword deems him worthy because of his desire to protect zelda even when he’s been beaten down & disarmed. that was a really beautiful moment to me & i’m glad they wrote the scene this way.

speaking of being worthy of power because you want to protect someone, i wasn’t really that crazy of zelda unlocking her power just because she loves link but honestly this game illustrated it in a much better way & i’m more down with it now. i loved this shot how it really captured what she was feeling;

it’s also in general awesome to see the champions in action, both in gameplay and in cutscenes. i remember being in awe the first time i got to play as urbosa. it feels like we finally really got to know them and how powerful they really were, instead of breath of the wild just telling us they were cool & we just had to believe it.

now for the part i know people say this game is shit because of; the time travel aspect. yeah, it’s a little silly and nonsensical, but honestly, it was kind of fun. and i don’t get how a time travel plot is somehow weird for the zelda series. the most critically acclaimed game of this series, ocarina of time, is entirely revolved around a time travel plot & the heroes would not have won if it weren’t for time travel in that game. yeah, it’s goofy, but this series is known for its nonsensical aspects & plotholes. there’s always some kind of unexplainable magic in this series that solves problems. i don’t think that makes this game shit. plus i was kind of starstruck when i first got to play as sidon lol. i was thinking to myself, man, who would’ve known 3 years later we’d get to play as sidon! crazy! none of the champion descendants were really my favorite to play as but it was still cool to see them & play as them.

something i didn’t understand was why kohga and the yiga clan joined zelda’s cause? i feel like a vital scene got cut. i don’t get why he’d join even when astor betrayed him, considering his group’s ambitions and how many times they tried to kill zelda. and where’d sooga go? the scene of astor betraying them kind of implied he was going to die but we never got confirmation of that, and he even shows up in a post game mission as an ally (no cutscene, just one line of dialogue during gameplay)

as for the ending, i guess it was alright? astor was a really lazily written villain and i just did not care for him at all. kinda don’t even care that we don’t get to play as him (yet, probably). calamity ganon’s design in this game was terrible. and i guess it would’ve been hard to make it work, but no beast ganon? just felt a little to easy to wrap up. despite this i guess it was nice to see hyrule get a happier ending even if it was a bit nonsensical at times. also this is just a bit of a personal thing for me but i liked seeing  hyrule before it was destroyed. it always bums me out when you find a locaiton in game that’s been destroyed & you can only think about what it mightve looked like before. this is something that’s bummed me out since wind waker (was always disappointed you don’t get to see what greatfish isle is like!!) and breath of the wild gave me so much disappointment in that aspect lol.

one final thought but it was odd to me how many lines revali got & how often he interacted with link lol. was weird to see him slowly warm up to link a little towards the end (but of course he’s still a little mean...). no other character acknowledges link as much as revali. this scene confused me the most??

there were so many other people revali could’ve spoken to. he barely even acknowledges teba who was the one who specifically came to his aid!! and the way link looks at him with big puppy eyes?? link barely makes a facial expression at anyone else! and how revali expresses gratitude for the first time in his life after looking at link’s stupid cute anime face and smiles (but he turns around because he would be too ashamed to smile at link i guess)

anyway that’s it, i finally got out all my thoughts about this game. this went on way longer than i intended and i’m sorry if you read the whole thing & it took forever lol. this game is fun, get it.

[aion-rsa]

Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar

https://ift.tt/3jvPBwC

The latest take on Toho’s iconic, building-crushing lizard comes in the form of Godzilla Singular Point, an anime series now available in dubbed form on Netflix. Taking place in the not-too-distant future, this reimagining of the King of Monsters involves a group of human characters becoming aware – through rather bizarre ways – of a coming apocalyptic event. Now the only thing that can save them is a behemoth out to punch monsters and look out for the little guy.

No, not Godzilla. He’s actually the apocalyptic event. No, our hero is none other than Jet Jaguar.

Yes, it’s finally time for Jet Jaguar to get his due.

A concept nearly 50 years old at this point, Jet Jaguar is one of those characters who was initially doomed to fail, but lives on due to nostalgia and the golden notion of, “I realize most people hated that thing from my childhood, but I bet I could make it good!” At best, he was a rad addition to the Godzilla mythos. At worst, he was a dumb idea from a dumb movie. For the most part, he’s remembered as something goofy that gets laughed at, despite having some genuine earnestness.

Jet Jaguar was created from both a fan contest and a corporate game of telephone. Back in 1972, to jump on the bandwagon of tokusatsu giant superhero/robot shows, Toho asked fans to design their own superhero design. The winner was a half-man/half-bird robot with a lengthy neck resembling a stack of rings named Red Alone. The concept was turned into a full-on rubber costume, but they changed the color scheme, which upset the young winner. They later decided to just scrap the whole thing, keep the color scheme, and make their own new design. And so, Jet Jaguar was born.

The superhero made an entire one movie appearance in 1973’s Godzilla vs. Megalon. As the urban legend goes, this was initially intended to be a standalone Jet Jaguar movie that the studio just didn’t have faith in towards the end and they hastily threw in Godzilla and recurring Godzilla villain Gigan. While the claim is dubious and unproven, it certainly is easy to understand where the allegations come from.

Everything about the movie feels rushed. As the last-minute replacement for another Godzilla film that didn’t pan out, filming took several weeks and production was a mere six months. Even the Godzilla costume was whipped up in record time. As for the story, outside of the intro, the preexisting elements (Godzilla and Gigan) aren’t thrown in until about 2/3 into the movie. Up until that point, it feels like a Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon movie with the production team hitting the panic button.

The plot of Godzilla vs. Megalon is that a scientist Goro Ibuki is working on a robot called Jet Jaguar, along with his little brother Rokuro and his best friend Hiroshi. They get wrapped up in a plot involving a group of beings from Atlantis-But-Not-Really, who are annoyed at all the nuclear bomb tests going on in their neck of the woods. They steal Jet Jaguar and use him to guide their insect god Megalon to different cities for the sake of smashing them up and punishing humanity.

Goro and friends get their hands on Jet Jaguar’s controls and use him to lead Godzilla to where Megalon is. Then the Seatopians call some alien friends for a solid and have them send in Gigan. Jet Jaguar is able to break away from all control and becomes fully sentient, as well as revealing the ability to turn into a giant. It becomes a big tag team battle, mostly remembered for Godzilla doing the silliest dropkick you’ve ever seen, followed by a second one for good measure.

The villains escape, Jet Jaguar and Godzilla shake hands, they go their separate ways, and Jet Jaguar reunites with the humans heroes after shrinking back down. He gets his own snazzy theme song to close things out.

In Japan, the movie wasn’t all that successful. As the thirteenth title in the Godzilla series, it brought in the worst returns yet. Between public burnout and the movie’s lack of quality, it just wasn’t grabbing people. That said, it came out at just the right time in the United States. Released in 1976, it came out months before the anticipated King Kong remake. The American movie poster for the movie even bit on the King Kong poster by featuring Godzilla and Megalon duking it out while each standing on a different Twin Tower, even though the movie at no point took place in the States.

A year later, the movie would be cut down into 48 minutes so they could broadcast it on NBC in prime time, across an hour with commercials. The only reason I mention this at all is because it was hosted by John Belushi wearing a Godzilla costume, which is sadly somewhere in the abyss of golden lost media.

Getting back to Jet Jaguar – the topic of this article – I feel the need to bring up Germany’s handling of the movie’s translation. Rather than call him “Jet Jaguar,” they referred to him as “King Kong.” I mean…sure, why not. Even weirder, when the next two movies introduced fellow giant robot MechaGodzilla, Germany once again referred to the robot as “King Kong.” Guys, I know what you’re going for here, but it doesn’t work that way.

Anyway, Godzilla vs. MechaGodzilla and Terror of MechaGodzilla followed Godzilla vs. Megalon and closed off the classic Showa Era of Godzilla movies. Not only did Japan need to rest Godzilla as a concept for nearly a decade, but this also meant that whenever Godzilla would come back, it was going to be some kind of reboot or new “only the first movie counts” installment. Jet Jaguar was never high on the list to be brought back, especially since MechaGodzilla completely overshadowed him.

He would at least get a little more exposure in 1991 when Godzilla vs. Megalon was featured in the second season of Mystery Science Theater 3000. While much of the episode is spent making fun of one of the Seatopians for looking like Oscar Wilde, they toss plenty of jokes at Jet Jaguar. Most memorably, they “translate” Jet Jaguar’s ending theme, which notes that his mother never loved him and he looks a lot like Jack Nicholson.

Due to rights issues, Godzilla vs. Megalon is one of the few MST3K episodes that is no longer legally available for viewing. This does make the original MST3K Collection Volume 10 box set (which included Godzilla vs. Megalon as one of the four movies) a collector’s item, as it was later discontinued and rereleased with The Giant Gila Monster taking its spot.

A stranger use of Jet Jaguar comes in the form of Certain Distant Suns’ music video for “Bitter” in 1995. While there’s not much of a narrative outside of the band playing, footage of Godzilla vs. Megalon being shown, and a few shots of guys walking around in Megalon and Jet Jaguar costumes, I really insist you give the video a look due to the ending. It certainly goes in a direction I wasn’t expecting.

In 1997, Jet Jaguar made his next official appearance in another frankly bizarre spectacle. In Japan, a series called Godzilla Island appeared on TV in three-minute increments. While it only lasted a year, there were a whopping 256 episodes, meaning almost 13 hours of footage. If you’ve never heard of Godzilla Island, you might be thinking, “Wow, almost 13 hours of Godzilla stuff? Why isn’t this more well known?”

Well, it probably has a lot to do with the fact that instead of using guys in rubber suits, the kaiju action was done with action figures. Yikes.

Not only did Jet Jaguar show up during these adventures, but they gave him the 90s superhero action figure treatment. Much like how they released as many figures of Batman as possible for different crime-fighting scenarios, Godzilla Island gave us Silver Jet Jaguar, Medical Jet Jaguar, and even Fireman Jet Jaguar. Collect them all!

Read more

Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Writer Talks About Spending 8 Years in the MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

Movies

Godzilla vs. Kong Director and Writer Talk Future of The MonsterVerse

By Don Kaye

In the early 2000s, Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee was released for the GameCube and Xbox under the Atari brand. It was a fighting game featuring various characters from Godzilla lore and though Atari wanted to include Jet Jaguar, Toho refused. Still, at least Megalon was included in the game. There would be two sequels in the form of Godzilla: Save the Earth and Godzilla: Unleashed. FINALLY, Jet Jaguar was playable, because if there’s anything you can count on, it’s scraping the bottom of the barrel when you’re working on multiple installments of a nostalgic who’s who project.

He’d also return in 2014’s Godzilla game for PlayStation 3 and 4. The producer of the game didn’t even plan on putting him in there, but he saw that the programmers already were working on him and just shrugged it off. There was a special trick to summoning Jet Jaguar as a boss character. By ending up in three different Godzilla vs. Jet Jaguar scenarios and winning all three times, you would then unlock a special cutscene of the two shaking hands while a confused military woman would wonder about their history.

Around the mid-2010s, IDW Publishing was all about releasing a bunch of comics with the Godzilla license. Their mainline series was Godzilla: Rulers of the Earth, which went on for 25 issues. Early on, Jet Jaguar appeared out of nowhere during a fight between Godzilla and the team of Gigan and Orga. In human size, Jet Jaguar flew into Orga’s mouth, then expanded into giant size, causing the beast to explode. Especially awesome was that it came with the cliffhanger text, “Next: PUNCH! PUNCH! PUNCH!” a reference to Jet Jaguar’s theme song from the movie.

Jet Jaguar showed up regularly in the series, coming off as Godzilla’s designated driver friend and handler. What I mean is that he seemed to be out to protect Godzilla, but that meant having to keep his violent ally on task (ie. pointing out that Gigan was nearby to stop Godzilla from attacking Jet Jaguar) and throwing punches when the situation absolutely called for it.

This continuity played up Jet Jaguar as more enigmatic than anything, as although he was mechanical, the only human character who knew his origins was killed off before it could be explained. Even one of the invading alien villains saw him on a screen and basically went, “Oh crap. It’s THIS guy!” Regardless, he still came off as a total badass, winning fights against Godzilla, Gigan (the chainsaw-hand version), and Destroyah.

Then again, at one point he needed to be saved by the 1998 American Godzilla, which at least proved as a reminder to the robot hero that there are Toho characters far more hated than him.

Toho started using Jet Jaguar again, albeit in sillier ways. In 2019, as an April Fool’s Day prank, they put up a teaser on YouTube for a Jet Jaguar movie. They also had him appear a few times on Godziban, a Godzilla web series for kids that, once again, used dolls and action figures to tell its stories.

Now Jet Jaguar is a major part of Godzilla Singular Point. To get into specifics on the plot would be like explaining advanced calculus, but to keep on-topic, Jet Jaguar is the creation of Goro Otaki as both a way to ward off monstrous threats and as a company mascot. Considering King Kong’s role in King Kong vs. Godzilla was “kidnapped to be a company mascot,” maybe the Germans were onto something with the rename.

Anyway, this version of Jet Jaguar is more mechanical in appearance instead of having to rely on making him look like a human in a costume. Jet Jaguar is there to protect the heroes from the endless supply of monsters, usually taking some extensive damage. Still, the robot gets rebuilt stronger and stronger and becomes advanced enough to become self-aware and speak in…well, the voice of a teenage girl.

I don’t know, I guess I just figured he’d sound like Astro Guy from King of the Monsters.

There’s a big hard-to-explain twist, but the main thing to know is that Jet Jaguar becomes a full-on badass by the end of the series, turns out to be a huge key to the plot, and has a completely kickass showdown with Godzilla. In a way, Jet Jaguar’s journey in Singular Point is a lot like in real life, going from a lame idea that appealed to kids and gradually being understood as a respected part of the Godzilla mythos. Something initially representative of the worst of the franchise, proven to be something genuinely cool in the right hands.

Now it’s time for America to return the favor. Once again, timing is on Jet Jaguar’s side. The Monsterverse was on its way to the graveyard after the box office intake of Godzilla: King of the Monsters, but Godzilla vs. Kong came out at just the right time in the tail end of the pandemic to be a big success and keep the series going a little bit longer. There aren’t too many names in the toybox left to pull out, but at this point, Gigan and Jet Jaguar have to be high on the list.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Make it happen, Hollywood!

Godzilla Singular Point is available to stream on Netflix now.

The post Godzilla Singular Point: The Weird History of Jet Jaguar appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[mxmeiyun]

Doctor Who season overviews

My friend is embarking on the wonderful journey of watching of “Doctor Who” and asked me for a rundown of what episodes she absolutely has to watch, my favorites, and ones that can be skipped. I thought I’d share them here in case anyone else was interested. Also I’m curious what anyone else’s thoughts on some must-view episodes.

(Will be updating as my friend reaches each season.)

Series 1

Definitely watch 1 because it’s where everything starts and you start to get a vibe for how the show goes. A fantastic place to start, if you will.

2 is a fun one with a plethora of aliens. If you’ve seen gifs of the Doctor jamming to “Toxic” by Brittany Spears, this is where that’s from.

3 is the first “historical” episode of the revival. Ok episode overall. Has ghosts and a bit an unintentional easter egg for future episodes/series.

4-5 are a bit silly but also I think have some good characterization of the Doctor and why sometimes he needs a friend to keep him in check.

6 introduces you to a classic DW alien so you should watch it.

7 is good to watch because it sort of sets up some stuff for the finale but I also find the guest characters kinda annoying.

8 is good if you want to learn more about Rose and that becomes more important to later stories and the next season.

9-10 is an all around fan favorite (certainly one of mine) and introduces a re-occurring fan favorite character. The reason why gas masks will forever make me uneasy.

11 follows up after the events of 4-5 (all three could be skipped if you want to go along faster).

12-13 are the finale and should be watched.

Series 2

0 (the Christmas special) is the first one with David Tennant as the Doctor, a muse-watch in my books. (Also, some things happen that become very important in later stories but I won’t say more because spoilers.) Introduces a new important character and re-introduces something

1 has cat people.

2 is a fun one and has an easter egg of sorts for future stories/characters but isn't necessary for major plot line. It’s one of the ones I like to rewatch.

3 sees the return of an old fan favorite companion from Old Who (before this still ongoing revival).

4 is skippable unless you like some fancy French aesthetic or are into automatons.

5-6 you should watch. Re-introduction of another classic Who monster.

7 is kinda weird.

8-9 are a good, kinda creepy story. Sees the introduction of the Ood, which are one of my dad’s personal favorites, who will also pop up later.

10 is literally one of the dumbest eps ever.

11 I literally don’t remember at all but the internet tells me it involves a small child, and Doctor Who does have some good, creepy episodes playing on stereotypical childhood fears.

12-13 are the two part finale so you definitely have to watch those. Prepare for some serious emotions, though.

Series 3

0 (Christmas special) introduces Donna Noble. Must watch, but I won’t say why.

1 introduces the new companion. Also introduces a kind of goofy alien that will pop up again.

2 is a fun one with Shakespeare and witches.

3 sees a return to New New York on New Earth (same setting as 2x01). Should watch because of [spoilers redacted] at the end. (Hint: think of who mysteriously disappeared in that previous episode.)

4-5, as the titles suggest, feature Daleks and imo all Dalek episodes should be watched.

6 is ok. Honestly kind of predictable plot-line.

7 is also ok. Not particularly memorable, but it is the first episode written by Chris Chibnall, who took over as show-runner for Series 11 (first season with Jodie Whittaker, the first female Doctor).

8-9 is a two-parter and is a fan and personal favorite.

10 is unusual because the main characters are not actually the Doctor and Martha, but this is another much-loved episode. Also introduces one of my favorite and most scary (imo) aliens.

11, 12, and 13 all kind of go together. Sees the re-introduction of an important character from the show’s original run. All pretty memorable and Martha is a total badass.

Series 4 (tl;dr: watch all of this series)

0 (Christmas special; you get the drill) is a good one. Sometimes there are episodes where the Doctor meets someone where you just know they’d be a fantastic companion.

1 is a must-see because [spoilers redacted].

2 is another must-see. It’s a solid episode of Who, is yet another good example of why the Doctor shouldn’t travel alone, and as a fun fact, we see two actors who will pop up in later series.

3, as the title implies, sees the return of the Ood! Watch this for some foreshadowing.

4-5 we see a new-to-New-Who alien who is another one that will come to pop up again over time. Honestly the plot and guest characters follow some predictable tropes BUT we also get to see some of [redacted]’s family, which is always good fun.

6 I think is only an okay episode. But meeting the “Doctor’s daughter” (not a spoilers bc its the episode title) is kinda fun. And I think it gives us some interesting insight into companions post their travels with the Doctor. 

Also, weird DW fun fact: David Tennant and the actress who plays his daughter is the real-life daughter of actor Peter Davison, who played the Fifth Doctor back in Classic Who, are now married with kids.

7 isn’t integral to any major plot lines, but it’s no doubt a fun one, especially if you like murder mysteries or Agatha Christie.

8-9 are another must-see two fan and personal favorites for many reasons why, but I can’t go into because spoilers! Some good spooky eps that are really downright chilling at times, but not completely without some good comic bits. Love watching this with friends who are watching it for the first time.

10 does an excellent job of being creepy, which is good if you’re into it, but you can skip it if not.

11 is a good one with a timey-wimey plot. Also yay because [spoilers]!

12-13 are an excellent two-part series finale and that’s all I can say.

The Specials (mini series between Series 4 & 5)

1 is good if you like Cybermen

2 has a spunky one-off companion who is a lot of fun

3 is creepy af

4-5 are a must-watch two-parter. If you liked the Series 4 finale (and let’s be real, how could you not), you’ll enjoy this. Also, it’s the last episodes with Russel T. Davies as show-runner.

Series 5

1 introduces the new Eleventh Doctor and their companion, so definitely have to watch that. (Side note: fish fingers and custard is a weird combination but, speaking from personal experience, it’s not terrible.)

2 is a good one with debatable ethical questions and some good insight into the Doctor.

3 is another Dalek episode, but it’s only okay as far as Dalek episodes go. It’s a historical one, if you like those. Fun fact: it’s written by Mark Gatiss, a collaborator of new show-runner Stephen Moffat and guest star from “The Lazarus Experiment.”

4-5 you have to see because spoilers. But it’s very good. Also, has some plot points that are related to the overall story of the Ponds.

6 you get the gist from the title and honestly it’s not terribly exciting. Some fun bits about the new group’s dynamic.

7 is a pretty weird one tbh but should be watched we get companion character development.

8-9 introduces some fun characters that will pop up again every now and then and has a very important plot point. (Fun fact: this one takes place in the year 2020!)

10 is one of the more emotionally-driven episodes and deals with mental health. One of many fan favorites.

11 is lighter fanfare after some honestly pretty heavy episodes that precede it. Not really important to the overall plot, but it’s a fun comedic one. 

12-13 are the finale, so obviously definitely watch that. Gets a little timey-wimey.

Series 6

0 is fine, as the Christmas specials go. I’m a little tired of the “man makes it his purpose in life to save his dying love who is kind of helpless in her own story” but the ending’s alright.

1-2 set the stage for the whole series, so those have to be watched.

3 has pirates, which is fun but not necessary to the main story line.

4 has such an intriguing title, so how could you not watch it? Will we finally find out if River and the Doctor are married? Spoilers.

5-6 are key plot points. Love a good doppelgänger.

7 follows immediately after 6, so I can’t say much about it.

8 is a pretty weird one but hold on to your butts for a wild ride.

9 is a properly spooky one. Like, actually low-key terrifying. But not related to the main plot line.

10 is emotionally painful but in a good way.

11 is another creepy one that plays on common fears. Inspired by some Greek mythology, which is fun.

12-13 are the two-part finale, so you know the drill.

Series 7, part I

0 is another only-okay Christmas special. They’re just not as fun as they once were, in my opinion.

1 you have to watch for plot reasons. It’s a good one because [spoilers redacted].

2 is pretty much what it sounds like. We are now also accompanied by Rory’s father, which is pretty amusing. Sees the return of a previously-met alien species. (Fun fact: one of the guest stars is David Bradley from, among other things, the Harry Potter movies.)

3 has some fun moral quandaries.

4 is fun because we see the Doctor having a go at normal Earth life, as well as thee return of some familiar arguably badass faces.

5 is a must-see for plot reasons (and the return of one of my favorite on-again-off-again companions).

Series 7, part II (don’t read below if you haven’t finished part I)

5.5 you have to watch and is a sort of mid-season Christmas special. Sees the return of an Old Who monster as well as several New Who faces.

6 follows up the events of the above special, so you have to see that, too.

7 is good because gives some backstory to Clara.

8 sees the return of another Old Who alien, whose species will pop up later in New Who. I didn’t particularly like nor dislike this one.

9 is a ghost story, which we haven’t really seen in Who for a while. It’s ok.

10 is also only ok but you should watch it for overall plot points.

11 we see the return of the Paternoster Gang, who I find quite amusing, but otherwise I didn’t really like this episode. It’s a little gross.

12 is written by Neil Gaiman so you should watch it. It’s also only fine, but better in my opinion than most of the other episodes in this part of the series.

13 is the series finale and has a rather intriguing title and wraps up this half of the series’ major story arc. Honestly I’m not a fan but you should watch it anyway.

Series 8

1 sees the return of the Paternoster Gang and more dinosaurs, but is also the first episode of the new Doctor and as such should be watched. Also have to keep an eye out at the end for some important scenes.

2 introduces a friend of Clara’s and reintroduces the Daleks but with a bit of a weird twist. Not super key to any main plot lines.

3 is pretty much what the title says it is. “Robot of Sherwood.” It’s meh.

4 is a little timey-wimey and develops some intercharacter relationships but overall isn’t exactly mandatory viewing.

5 is a robbery heist with some sci-fi twists. It’s alright.

In 6 we see Clara trying (and failing) to compartmentalize her life with the Doctor and her regular human on Earth life. It’s decent and there’s a snippet at the end that hints at some overarching plots.

7 tries to make some arguments about ethics but isn’t too convincing. The plot’s kinda fun, though.

8 is another one where the title, “Mummy on the Orient Express” pretty much sums it up. It does have a couple small throwbacks to older New Who seasons.

9 isn’t key to major plot lines but it’s a decent and kind of spooky episode.

10′s kinda dumb but has some weak environmental messaging.

11-12 wrap up the season’s major plot lines.

Series 9

0 is like a Christmas-themed reworking of a previous episode but I won’t say which one because spoilers.

1-2 are a pretty strong two-part season opener, I think. We see the return of some of the Doctor’s oldest friends/enemies.

3-4 are a properly timey-wimey, fairly creepy story. It’s a good one that honestly I wouldn’t want to watch by myself late at night with the house to myself.

5-6 are also timey-wimey AND introduce a character played by Maisie Williams (of “Game of Thrones” fame) who is actually pretty complex for a female character created by Stephen Moffat.

7-8 sees the return of, no surprise here, the Zygones. And also UNIT and Osgood, who is fan service personified but I’m ok with that.

9, in a way, is about the evils of capitalism but in space!

10 is important for plot. (Sees the return of some new old friends.)

11-12 has some good timey-wimeyness and a healthy dose of angst. (Also, the ending is gay and you can’t convince me otherwise.) It’s frustrating, but in an understandable way? I guess?

[wizardhecker]

ollie’s book rec list

hey y’all i got libby this last year and its expanded my reading a bunch. I talked about what books I liked on twitter earlier but I wanted to move that over here. These books aren’t in order of preference, just when I read them. I’ll probably be updating this list throughout the year as well. 

Stuff I loved:

Gideon the Ninth- Tamsyn Muir: Probably my favorite book from this year, I’m eagerly awaiting for the sequel. WAs everything I wanted in a book, witty and clever. Lesbian necromancer and buff swordgirl end up taking part in a contest that entangles them in murder and mysteries. Its sci-fi but not hard sci-fi and sticks mostly to one planet. I’m witholding judgement on the ending until I read the second book because I have some conflicting feelings about it. Tags: F/F romance, bones, so many bones, Sci-fi, mystery

Ancillary Justice - Ann Leckie: Told from the perspective of a ship AI that was once many different ancillaries. The story jumps back and forth between the present where she inhabits one body and the past to how that came to occur. It was super unique and engaging. I’ve seen this on a few lists for LGBT content which maybe there is in later books but that tag comes from the the ship AI being confused by gender since her language just uses “she/her” pronouns for everything. Therefor, yes technically any romances that occur are queer because every single character is referred to via she/her. I love language stuff like that though. Theres so many details that I was deeply fascinated by. Tags: sci fi, space politics, clones, unique perspective. 

The Raven Tower - Ann Leckie: Similar to her other book above, she plays with storytelling and narrator perspective. This is from the perspective a god who is a giant rock and switches between past and present. It was a bit slow at first, as it is a rock telling the story, but its well worth it and the ending was so fulfilling. I REALLY enjoyed the world building, everything felt neatly crafted as piece by piece the machine comes together and turns slowly. The protagonist human is also explicitely trans. Tags: politics, fantasy, god wars, trans protagonist.

Swordspoint - Ellen Kushner: An older book, but focuses around the politics of a city where swordsmen fromt he lower city are hired to fight for the aristocrats in the higher city. Follows the best swordsman and his [insufferable] scholar boyfriend, but switches perspectives a lot. Its fun, I might reread it. Tags: heavy politics, aristocrat bullshit, M/M romance, swordfighting!

Kings of the Wild - Nicholas Eames: This book read Very much like someone’s first classic D&D campaign, for better or for worse. I Loved it because the heart, passion, and sincerety put into it was so palpable and it feels like a campaign where everyone comes in with goofy joke characters and then midway through they get Really into it and suddenly everyone’s crying because that joke backstory they made has implications. Its about a bunch of retired legendary old men adventurers who get called back for one more job - to rescue the leader’s daughter. Tags: Sad old men, good fathers, fantasy, gay wizard, tabletop inspired.

Bloody Rose - Nicholas Eames: The sequel to the previous book (though it could be read alone). It really goes into more depth and analyzes some of the previous worldbuilding more, pulling apart some of the problems in the world that were swept away previously. I liked it slightly less but its still very good. It follows a bard joining up with an adventuring band to fight a...dragon? Maybe. Tags: F/F romance, are monsters people, necromancy, dragons, fantasy.

The Golem and the Jinni - Helene Wecker: A newly made golem woman and a Djinn who was trapped for thousands of years both in up in New York City in 1900, and their paths eventually intertwine. Really amazing perspective of Jewish and Arab immigrant communities and cultures in NYC. Switches point of view through many characters in the communities who come in and out of their lives. Tags: Supernatural beings, urban fantasy, historical.

The Monster of Elendhaven - Jennifer Giesbrecht: Very short book I read in one sitting about terrible evil men doing terrible evil things. One of them is unkillable, the other one is sorcerer and theyre tied together through a dark fate to destroy the world. I was deeply into the mythology and the way everything wove together. You know I’m a sucker for weird god stuff and I was provided for. Uhh trigger warning for a lot of stuff here, graphic violence, sexual assault, etc. Tags: Evil stuff, magic, dark mythology and folklore, capitalism, revenge plots.

The Black God’s Drums - P. Djeli Clark: Another short one read in one sitting, set in an alternate post-civil war setting New Orleans where a girl has a Goddess of storms living inside her. Tags: alternate history, bi protagonist, gods and goddesses. 

The Claidi Journals - Tanith Lee: So this was a reread of a kind of obscure series I read when I was a kid and I immensely enjoyed. Caveat that it is a young-adult series but it was such a fascinating and vibrant blend of fantasy magic and sci-fi, there’s little blend between the magic and technology of the realm. It’s about terrible families doing terrible things and the women who got accidentally caught up in it. It also has one of the most interesting women characters I’ve ever read who doesn’t even appear much in the books but whose legacy impacts every character. Tags: Science fantasy, aristocrat bullshit, bad moms, hetero but chill. 

Mixed Feelings:

Uprooted - Naomi Novik: Reclusive wizard who holds an evil forest at bay takes on an apprentice girl who gets entangled in further politics of the nation. I got Really into the worldbuilding, plot, and writing of this book and it hooked me pulling me along. However I have a major frustration with it that really prevents me from putting it in the “loved” category. If I could edit out about 20 lines I’d have found it perfect. I know other folks who disagree with me though so I’ll still recomend it. Tags: wizards, nature magic, politics, grumpy tower wizard, unfortunately heterosexual.

Of Fire and Stars - Audrey Coulthurst: Lesbian princesses and arranged marriages uh oh. Ones a ranger jock the others a sorcerer. Its fine and cute, I wasn’t really happy with the antagonist reveal at the end though. Tags: Aristocrat bullshit, politics, F/F romance, arranged marriage angst, forbidden magic.

Wayward Son - Rainbow Rowell: I really enjoyed the first book of this series and found it a delightfully self-indulgent transparent Harry Potter derivation. That sort of falls apart in the second book where having to build off something that worked as a one-off just doesn’t extend to a more filled out story and left me feeling unsatisfied. But, once again, the world building is delightful and I’m charmed by the magic system and a British person’s opinion of America. Tags: M/M romance, magic, America!, roadtrip, vampires

The Last Sun - K.D. Edwards: Modern fantasy tarot inspired world building. The main character is the last remnant of the “Sun” house that was ripped apart in a terrible way. He has PTSD and is hired to find a missing man, along the way uncovering a deeper conspiracy involving his house and past. It was fine, its a good book. I just wasn’t into it that much. Also massive trigger warnings for sexual assault, torture, etc. Tags: M/M romance, mystery, gritty, magic. 

Vicious - V.E. Schwab: I enjoyed it and it was a short quick read, but for some reason I’ve never been able to get into V.E. Schwab much. Not sure why. Man with power over pain is released from prison and seeks vengeance on his former friend who put him there - who is now a superhero, and adopts a young girl necromancer in the process. Tags: villains, everyone is evil, superpowers, modern, necromancy, unwilling father figure

The City Stained Red - Sam Sykes: I really just started skimming while reading this one tbh. Trash man swordfighter and his disfunctional adventuring party trying to collect their payment in a terrible city. It felt like someone’s D&D campaign but in the worst way where everyone is an edgelord dark backstory. I honestly didn’t like a single character. But, that’s fine it just wasn’t for me. I see this get put on lists for having a bi-character. Which I guess technically but I wasn’t a huge fan of how that became relevant. Tags: tabletop inspired but insecure about it, gritty, terrible city, terrible people, bi protagonist

[dumb-american]

The Rebuild of Final Fantasy VII: Your Expectations Will (Not) Be Met

I apologize for the stupid title and I promise I’m going to talk about the Final Fantasy VII Remake, but I have to get this out of the way first. Sometime in the mid 2000s, acclaimed artist and director Hideaki Anno announced that he was going to remake his beloved anime series Neon Genesis Evangelion the way it should have been the first time, free from technical and budgetary restraints. Evangelion had a notoriously strange ending when the original anime aired, consisting of character talking over still images, abstract art, and simple animations. It was highly polarizing and controversial. Anno, for his part, received death threats and the headquarters of the studio that produced the anime was vandalized. Soon after the initial uproar Anno would direct The End of Evangelion, a retelling of the final two episodes of the anime, and that seemed to mostly satisfy the fanbase. Looking back now, The End of Evangelion wasn’t “fixing” something that was “broken,” no, it was a premonition: a vision of things to come. Why remake the ending when you can just remake the whole damn thing?

The mid 2000s also saw the birth of the Compilation of Final Fantasy VII: a sub-series of projects expanding the universe and world of the video game that had “quite possibly the greatest game ever made” proudly printed on the back of its CD case. The Compilation consisted of three games, all on different platforms, and a film. First was Advent Children, a sequel to Final Fantasy VII, where three dudes that look like discarded Sephiroth concept art all have anime fights with our beloved protagonists, culminating in a ridiculous gravity defying sword fight between Cloud and Sephiroth. Before Crisis and Crisis Core are prequels that expand the story of the Turks and Zack Fair, respectively. Then there’s Dirge of Cerberus, an action shooter staring secret party member and former Turk Vincent. Were these projects good? I’d say they were largely forgettable. Crisis Core stood out as the obvious best of the bunch and I think may be worth revisiting.

As a business model, the practice pioneered by the Compilation would continue on and eventually brings us FFXIII (and sequels), FF Versus XIII (which would later become FFXV), and FF Agito XIII (which would later become FF Type-0). If that’s all incredibly confusing to you, I’m sorry, I promise I will begin talking about the Final Fantasy VII Remake soon. Suffice it to say, both Final Fantasy VII and Neon Genesis Evangelion have a certain gravity. They punch above their weight. They are both regarded as absolute classics, flaws and all. And yet, in both cases, the people responsible for their creation decided that their first at bat wasn’t good enough and it was time to recreate them as they were meant to be all along. I think this way of thinking about art is flawed, limitations are as much a part of the creative process as vision and intent. Yet, we find ourselves in a world with a remake of Final Fantasy VII, so I guess we should talk about it.

From this point forward, there’s going to be major spoilers for every Final Fantasy VII related media. So, be warned.

So, is the Final Fantasy VII Remake any good? To me, that’s the least interesting question, but we can get into it. FFVIIR is audacious, that’s for sure. Where Anno condenses and remixes a 26 episode anime series into four feature length films, the FFVIIR team expands an around 5 hour prologue chapter into a 30+ hour entire game. Naturally, there will be some growing pains. The worst example of this is the sewers. The game forces you to slog through an awful sewer level twice, fighting the same boss each time. This expanded sewer level is based on a part of the original game that was only two screens and was never revisited.

Besides the walk from point A to point B, watch a cutscene, fight a boss, repeat that you’d expect from a JRPG, there’s also three chapters where the player can explore and do sidequests. The sidequests are mostly filler, but a select few do accomplish the goal of fleshing out some of the minor characters. You spend way more time with the Avalanche crew, for example. Out of them, only Jesse has something approaching a complete personality or character arc that matters. The main playable cast is practically unchanged which was a bit surprising to me. I figured Square-Enix would tone down Barret’s characterization as Mr. T with a gun for an arm, but they decided, maybe correctly, that Barret is an immutable part of the Final Fantasy VII experience. Also, it’s practically unforgivable that Red XIII was not playable in the remake considering how much time you spend with him. I don’t understand that decision in the slightest.

The game’s general systems and mechanics, materia, combat, weapon upgrades, etc. are all engaging and fun and not much else really needs to be said about it. I found it to be great blend of action/strategy. Materia really was the peak of JPRG creativity in the original FFVII and its recreation here is just as good. The novelty of seeing weird monsters like the Hell House and the “Swordipede” (called the Corvette in the original) make appearances as full on boss fights with mechanics is just weaponized nostalgia. In general, the remake has far more hits than misses, but those misses, like the sewers and some of the tedious sidequests, are big misses. It is a flawed game, but a good one. If I were to pick a favorite part of the game, I’d have to pick updated Train Graveyard section which takes lore from the original game and creates a mini-storyline out of it.

If that was all, however, then honestly writing about Final Fantasy VII Remake wouldn’t be worth my time or yours. The game’s ambition goes way further than just reimagining Midgar as a living, real city. There’s a joke in the JRPG community about the genre that goes something like this: at the start of the game, you kill rats in the sewer and by the end you’re killing God. Well, when all is said and done, the Final Fantasy VII Remake essentially does just that. Narratively, the entire final act of the game is a gigantic mess, but if you know anything about me then you know I’d much rather a work of fiction blast off into orbit and get a little wild than be safe and boring.

In the original games, the Lifestream is a physical substance that contains spirits and memories of every living being. Hence, when a person dies, they “return to the planet”. It flows beneath the surface of the planet like blood flows in a living person’s veins and can gather to heal “wounds” in the planet. In the original game, the antagonist, Sephiroth, seeks to deeply wound the planet with Meteor and then collect all the “spirit energy” the planet musters to heal the wound. The remake builds on this concept by introducing shadowy, hooded beings called Whispers. The Whispers are a physical manifestation of the concept of destiny and they can be found when someone seeks to change their fate, correcting course to the pre-destined outcome. Whispers appear at multiple points throughout the game’s storyline both impeding and aiding the party. The ending focuses heavily on them and the idea that fate and destiny can be changed. We receive visions throughout the game which some will recognize as major story beats and images from the original game. After dealing with Shinra and rescuing Aerith, the game immediately switches over to this battle against destiny and fate that you’re either going to love or hate. The transition is abrupt and jarring. While Cloud has shown flashes of supernatural physical abilities throughout the game, suddenly he has gone full Advent Children mode and is flying around cleaving 15 ton sections of steel in half with his sword. The party previously took on giant mutated monsters, elite soldiers, and horrific science experiments, but now the gloves are off and they’re squaring up against an impossibly huge manifestation of the Planet’s will. Keep in mind, in the narrative of the original FFVII, the Midgar section was rougly 10%, if that, of the game’s full storyline. This is, frankly, insane, but I’d be lying if I didn’t love it.

The Final Fantasy VII Remake, with its goofy JRPG concluding chapter, is forcing the player to participate in the original game’s un-making. We see premonitions of an orb of materia falling to the ground, we see an older Red XIII gallop across the plains, we see a SOLDIER with black hair and Cloud’s Buster Sword make his final stand, we see Cloud waist deep in water holding something or someone. We all know what these images represent, they’ve been part of imaginations for decades. But the Final Fantasy VII Remake allows us (or forces us, depending on perspective, I guess) to kill fate, kill God, and set aside all we thought we knew about how the game would play out post-Midgar. The most obvious effect of our actions is the reveal that Zack survived his final stand against Shinra and instead of leaving Cloud his sword and legacy, helped him get to Midgar safely. I have my doubts and my worries about the future of this series. I’m not sure when the next part of the game will be released or what form it will come in, but I can’t believe I’m as excited as I am to see it.

Of course, part of me wishes they’d just left well enough alone. Remakes are generally complete wastes of time and effort. Not all, but most. Maybe I’m, to borrow a term from pro wrestling lingo, a complete mark here and I just love JRPGs and Final Fantasy VII so much that I’ll countenance close to anything bearing its name. I’ve tried my best to be as critical and fair as possible to the game and I hope that if you’re on the fence and reading this I’ve maybe helped you decide if it’s for you or not. I think the Final Fantasy VII Remake is worth your time if you’re looking for a good, meaty JRPG. It’s not perfect and it’s final act is insane, but that just makes me love it more.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like for Zack, Cloud, and Aerith to face Sephiroth in the Planet’s core? I know 15 year old me did. And he may get his wish.

[cardandpixel]

RocketBook Flip - a rare review and it’s not a game!

Before I go any further, I feel I must point out that I don’t have any financial connection to RocketBook whatsoever – this isn’t a piece that was requested or courted by RocketBook or affiliates and I’m not receiving any reward or sponsorship either in product or direct payment for this article. I just like the damn thing and love it when an innovative piece of tech (in this case quite low key) just works. Hi I’m Paul, and I have a bit of a problem with notebooks – A4 lined, sketch, reporters, Black & Reds (ohhhh the sheer number of B&Rs), goofy ones, serious work ones, battered ones, pristine ‘for best only’ ones – and they all fill at an alarming rate. I make notes on everything. Working as a sound engineer and designer, there’s always mix notes, soundscape plots, ideas, VO notes and scripts, SFX ideas etc etc. At home it’s a very different story – it’s much worse. Game notes; blog notes; hurriedly scribbled quiz questions spurred by watching another episode of Mental Floss’ 500 facts about cheese; RPG notes and story ideas; my own script writing; world building; sketches; other creative ideas; song/music notes and ideas; and that’s before we get to to-do lists; and the dreaded ‘things I must remember’. So my journal life is many, varied and plenty. The usual issue is… ‘what frakking journal did I put that amazing idea in????’, and that’s way before we get to the utter horror that is possibly losing a whole journal or forgetting to bring one home from work. I’m 53, I forget more than I recall, and journals help bring some semblance of order to a massively chaotic and fertile brain. What I’ve needed for a long time is some way of organising all this info or centralising it in some way. Sure I’ve looked at apps – I used Things, Evernote, Notes, and One Note for years, and they are really, really good, but they relied on either having a charged device exactly when I need it (yeah – me too) or net access, which for a new-ish theatre, is surprisingly a bit of an issue at work. And the most important part – I actually enjoy the physical act of handwriting long-hand. I still write actual physical letters to people, it’s adorable and a bit creepy in this age, but I call it charming and leave it at that. Handwriting, for me, allows me time to think and process in a way that typing just doesn’t. Handwriting is slower, I rarely cross anything out, and so I always have the whole of the thought. So what I’ve ideally wanted for years, was a reliable way of organising all my notes and storing them electronically so I have access even without the actual journal, with OCR so they’re editable, and still being a tactile handwritten experience. I’m naturally a sceptic (I actually subscribe to Fortean Times – yeah – I card carry!) and so online ads and particularly FaceAche ads are a field day for critical thinking triggers. I don’t think I’ve ever received from Wish, exactly what I ordered from Wish. And so when an ad from RocketBook constantly kept popping up on my timeline a few weeks ago, I was naturally “it’ll never work” But their website looked legit enough – they had a dedicated UK shop, it was relatively steep to buy in but not so wild that if it didn’t work I wouldn’t be crying too much about the money wasted, and at the end of the day it was a 10th the price of a ReMarkable 2 which is actually what I thought would solve my problem. I’m furloughed at the mo and though I could argue the case for £300+ notebook (test me, I could), I just couldn’t justify it now. And RocketBook had a good summer intro offer. I ordered on the Wednesday, and the impressively glitzy and graphic-design-playbook poly package was dropped on my doorstep just 2 days later by my cheery postie who yelled up the drive “Package for ya, looks very exciting!!!!” I like that our postal service is still invested in the hopes and dreams of their customers. It was exciting. All the instructions for getting started with my new Teal RocketBook A4 Flip were right there before you even open it. The main body houses the pad and a cleaning cloth, and a clever little side pocket houses the supplied Pilot Frixion pen.

RocketBooks come in several models, all configured slightly differently. I have the Flip which is a top spiral-bound softback pad with 21 double sided ‘pages’ giving 42 pages in total. The Flip has lined paper one side, and dot paper on the reverse (great for D&D maps, impromptu tables, mixer channel plots etc)

DELIVERY & FIRST IMPRESSIONS The pads are nicely made, with sturdy covers (available in some really nice colours too) and a solid, thick plastic ring binding. Initially, The RocketBook does feel a bit odd. Its ‘pages’ are actually a synthetic polyester blend and feel quite shiny to the touch. The sort of surface you just instantly feel is not going to be great for ink! Each page is edge-to-edge lined or dotted with a heavy black border. At the bottom is a prominent QR code used for scanning and some very feint icons. These 7 icons are the key to the ease of use of the RocketBook series. But more later.

THE APP

The pads work with a companion app, that is absolutely free and available for Apple & Android. In fact, RB even do downloadable printable pages so you can try the whole system absolutely free before you buy – I didn’t, I just bought one, y’know. The app allows you to set up your destination locations, your preferences and does the actual scanning. Just one quick note, I have the app on both my phone and iPad and had to set-up the app the same for both, there appears to be no way of swapping preference settings between devices, though I can see why this may be intentional.

Currently, the RocketBook allows you to choose from the following locations to send files to: GoogleDrive, box, EverNote, DropBox, slack, OneNote, iCloud, OneDrive as well as simply to an email (or multiple) addresses and iMessage. Impressively, these are not fixed either, so you could choose your 7 destinations to be 7 email addresses of team members. These 7 locations are the icons at the bottom of each page. To select a destination for your file, you just make a mark in that icon box (tick, circle, something unsavoury) and that page will be sent to whichever you select. This makes the system very flexible indeed as not every page is necessarily sent to every destination. You always decide every time you fill a page. Change your mind on a second revision? No problem, add or change icons at any time and re-upload.

There’s a really handy table on the inside front cover for you to note what icon sends what where. This is also wipeable, so can be changed anytime.

I have mine set by default to:

Rocket > main email address (either as PDF, JPG, OCR embedded or as separate txt file)

Diamond > GoogleDrive (you can specify exactly what folder too)

Apple > iMessage

Bell > OneNote

That actually still leaves me 3 spare: shamrock; star; and horseshoe.

The app took me maybe 20mins to set-up, that included decision time for destinations and setting up a few target folders. It also included a few ‘test firings’. I didn’t get everything right first time and a few things didn’t send, but crucially, a tiny bit of digging revealed very simple troubleshooting (including the aforementioned issue with no sync’ing of phone and iPad), and all in I was finding the files in all the right destinations within about 30 mins. The website, FAQs and community are immensely helpful with any other issues as well. I had a tiny issue with OneNote seeming to take ages to sync, but I think that’s an issue with my OneNote settings, everything else was almost instantaneous. You can also handily set the app to auto-send as soon as it scans, or allow for manual review.

CLEAN UP ON AISLE ROCKETPAD The main reason I wanted to look at the RocketBook was the issue of reusability. My journal shenanigans are by no means the biggest ecological disaster on the planet, but if we are to believe Tesco (who probably issue as many receipts at our local Tesco Express in a day as journals I’ve ever used), every little helps. If I could find an ecologically better solution, I should at least take a look. The RocketPads work by partnering with Pilot pens called Frixion. The really clever bit is RB’s paper technology and how it works with the Frixion ink. At present, the pads only work with the Frixion pens – except the RB Colour which works with Crayola’s dry-erase crayons. When you write on the ‘paper’ with a Frixion pen, it remains wet for a few seconds and then dries pretty quickly. There’s no smudging whatsoever in transit, which is pretty cool. From then on, it may as well be permanent, until you have transmitted your page and decide you don’t want the text anymore.  To wipe the page clean, you can dampen the supplied cloth and just wipe the surface clean, it’s weird but it works! But then damp cloth in your bag? So I use kitchen roll to dampen, then wipe dry with theirs. Others even have an adorably kitsch spray bottle in their kit. RB reckon if you are not going to use the pad for a few months, to clean the pages as the ink can get trickier to shift after a long time, but for day-to-day use, I’ve tried writing and wiping well over 20x and the page hasn’t become discoloured or tarnished at all. The only pad different in the range is the Wave which cleans by microwaving! Do NOT do this with any of the others, bad things will happen. The ink doesn’t take scrubbing or any time to come up, I clean my pages in about 10-15s. The page can feel a little tacky when it’s damp, but leave a minute or so and the page will be back to normal. RB do say that odd things can happen if the book is left near a heatsource or in a hot car, vis-à-vis, the ink can completely disappear horrifyingly enough. They say that putting the pen or the pad in the freezer for a little while will actually restore the ink, but I’ve not tried it yet so can’t confirm or deny how that goes. Handy for spies in hot countries though, so there’s another target market. If you are always going to send your pages to the same places, then don’t erase the marked icons, and the page is ready for new notes straight away, otherwise, scrub them too.

I CAN’T READ YOUR WRITING – ARE YOU A DOCTOR? Initially, the RB pads send their files as scans of the pages in high contrast monochrome (colour is available) when you snap the page in the app (which auto-frames for you and takes maybe 10s to capture). The formats are either as images or PDF. If that had been it, I would have been quite happy, but the RB pads have another trick up their sleeve. Firstly, they have a function called ‘Smart Titles’ which allows you to name your files directly from the page by writing a filename between double hashtags ie ## this is my scrawl 24/8/20 ## and the file will pop up in your destinations with the filename “this is my scrawl 24/08/20” – this is insanely handy – there’s no protocol except your own and the hashtags, and it makes your files super easy to search. You can even send groups of pages as a single PDF. But the notebooks go even further. They actually offer full searchable OCR which the app can be set to send embedded in the PDF or image, or more usefully, as a companion separate .txt file. Now, my handwriting isn’t the neatest, but it’s not bad so I was prepared for some editing to be necessary, but impressively again, the OCR was about 90-95% accurate. In a page of text it missed maybe 3 or 4 words and even those not badly. This is all considering their full OCR is still only in beta! It gets confused with diagrams on the page, but that’s to be expected.

Text Generated by OCR: ## Blog post och test Aug 2020 ## This is a little demonstration of the OCR capabilities of the Rocket Book pads and app. I've told the lovely people that the hit rate is about 90-95% so please dant let me down here flip pad. Hopefully the file name will also prove another point further up in the section and not make me look like some charlatan or snake-oil salesman.Hope you enjoyed this demonstrahen, now go away and leave me to write the next great novella.Bye!

HOW MUCH? On average, I pay anywhere from £4-8 for a decent A4 notebook/journal, so at £30-37 (dependent on model), the RocketBook pads are not a whim purchase. That said, I get through a lot of journals in a year, and given that I would expect to easily get 2-3 years out of a RocketBook pad, then I’ve saved money. Will it replace all my notebooks? No. You need to be thinking of carrying this round as a kit: pad, Frixion pen (at least 2), and cloth.  RB do a series of portfolio sleeves for the pads but it does push the price up a bit still, but for a rep, engineer or salesperson, this still makes sense. They’re less bulky than a normal A4 pad too. What I would say is Tesco and Sainsbury’s currently stock Frixion pens and at much better prices than buying them from RB directly, I just paid £3 for 3 pens on offer at Tesco compared to £10 from RB. You get one pen with the pad, but you’re going to want more soon, so stock up next time you’re shopping for truffle oil crisps. If you use whiteboards a lot, RB also have you covered. Instead of the pad, £16 will get you a 4 pack of ‘beacons’ – little self-adhesive triangles that effectively do the same thing as the QR code in the pad. You don’t have the icon options obviously, but if you’re looking to distribute quick meeting or group notes, this would be a boon. CONCLUSION Considering this was a fairly speculative purchase on my part, my early experiences with the RocketBook Flip have been really impressive. The flexibility, the ability to store every page in a different location if you really wanted to make it fantastic for organising my notes, which can save me hours of finding the right ^^$&^$&$ notebook in the first place, then scouring that for the one paragraph I was looking for etc etc. The searchable text facility, in-app history for re-sending etc and last but no way least, functional handwriting OCR, makes the RocketBook not only novel, but actually useable! Would I buy another? As a second notebook – yes. I look forward to seeing what the actual longevity of the product is once I come off furlough and start cramming my day bag with all my junk and a notepad again, but yes, I’d probably just have one at home, and one for work, but make the last 5 mins of each day, scanning and sending work notes so I have them with me wherever. Impressively, the RocketBook Flip just works and it works well. ‘Er Across The Table has already sold several folk at her work on the idea and she doesn’t even have one herself yet! I love it. It’s taking a little adjusting to, but it’s all good. The most important thing though is the writing experience, and I have to say, the combination of the Frixion pen/ink and the polymer technology of the Flip, again, just works. It’s smooth, doesn’t skip or smudge for me (I know some right to left users and left handers have reported some issues) and feels great to write on. If anything I have to slow down a bit as the contact is so smooth that your writing can get a bit ahead of you! RocketBook have produced a cracker of a product. It might not seem like much, but if practical working journals are your thing (ie not create and keep things) then I can highly recommend the RocketBook series.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really THAT Bad?

There really is only one way I could ever kick this series off: with the very movie that inspired it. Robot Monster is a B-movie with a reputation that precedes it by many miles. Even f you’ve never actually watched this, you might have heard that it is one of the worst films of all time, because as we all know, independent B-movies with no budget need to be held to the same standard as Hollywood blockbusters. These days most people have settled into calling it a prime example of “so bad it’s good” cinema, with folks like film historian Leonard Maltin calling it “one of the genuine legends of Hollywood - embarrassingly, hilariously awful.”

But even back in the day when it came out there was some claims this film wasn’t so bad. Variety, of all publications, said that “Robot Monster comes off surprisingly well, considering the extremely limited budget ($50,000) and schedule on which the film was shot." After years of hearing nothing but that this film is an utter travesty, it can be especially bizarre to hear that even in its day, there were people who understoof that maybe this film shouldn’t be held up to the same standards as something like Citizen Kane or a Hitchcock film. Maybe it should be judged… as a low-budget B-grade sci-fi film! GASP! What a concept!

THE GOOD

I think perhaps one of the genuinely greatest aspects of this film is the score, which was done by, of all people, Elmer Bernsetein. If you don’t recognize the name, you will almost certainly recognize the vats body of work he has, with his resume including composing work for The Magnificent Seven, The Ten Commandments, The Blues Brothers, Heavy Metal, Ghostbusters, The Black Cauldron, Wild Wild West, An American Werewolf in London, and even the music video for “Thriller.” This is one of his earlier works, and it is still absolutely fantastic, to the point where some (but not I) might feel it belongs in a better movie. It quite frankly uplifts the material onscreen and gives it a grander weight that a lesser composer might not have been able to accomplish.

Contrary to the popular concept of B-movies, most of them have pretty decent acting at least, and this one is no exception; most of the cast is relatively solid, with even the little boy actor managing to turn in a solid performance; he’s not overly remarkable, sure, but he is just as petulant as he needs to be, and he does contribute some genuinely good ideas at points. Of course, the real stars of the show here are the physical performance of Geroge Barrows and the astounding vocal performance of John Brown as the legendary B-movie monster Ro-Man. We never see his face, and yet the physical acting of this man in a gorilla suit and fishbowl combined with the powerful voice of Brown really comes together.

And speaking of Ro-Man, I’m just going to come out and say it: the cheapo monster design that has been so widely mocked for decades is something I find to be incredibly inspired, unique, and genuinely great. Yes, I’m sure when you hear the phrase “robot monster” the first thing that comes to your mind if you’ve never heard of the film would most likely not be “gorilla in a diving helmet.” But it has such a creative charm born from a lack of finances that it’s truly impossible to really hate the creature. It helps that Ro-Man has gone on to make various appearances in cameos in pop culture, as well as helping to inspire the design of the character Minion from the cinematic masterpiece Megamind.

And all that aside, are you really so stone-hearted you can bring yourself to hate this guy?

The Bad

There are a few issues that pop up within this, with one of the more major ones being with the story structure. While the plot itself isn’t super bad, with it being basic B-movie fluff and the short runtime gives it a decent pacing, there’s a weird amount of padding, most noticeable during a stretch of time where it just cuts back to Ro-Man walking up and down a hill as dramatic music plays. The use of weird stock footage from old dinosaur movies also comes off as a bit weird. Still, the strangest bit of all is Ro-Man’s sudden and inexplicable lust for the human woman, to the point where he almost screws up his entire mission because he’s suddenly become horny. It’s rather jarring and out of nowhere, though it at least leads to some good lines from Ro-Man.

Out of all of the actors, the little girl is probably the most annoying. She’s so annoying, in fact, that it almost comes across as a mercy when Ro-Man finally strangles her. And her death is kind of underplayed, especially by her brother, who doesn’t seem too shaken up by how his sister has been strangled and that the extremely low amount of people left on Earth has now gone down.

And speaking of the boy, the ending reveals that the entire film was just his dream, which is one of the absolute worst endings a work can go for. A last-second reveal shows that the prior events may have actually been some sort of prophetic dream, as it is implied that Ro-Man and his masters will invade the Earth after all, but it still is a bit of a cop out. It takes a really great work to pull off the “all just a dream” twist ending, and while this movie is certainly not awful, it’s definitely not The Wizard of Oz or Super Mario Bros. 2.

Is It Really THAT Bad?

This movie really did not live up to its reputation at all. I went in expecting some hilarious disaster of a film, and instead what I got is a flawed yet charming B-movie that managed to be extremely creative despite its low budget and features a lot of good elements. While I don’t think it all comes together perfectly, and I’ve definitely seen far better cheesy B-movies, this is certainly not the bottom of the barrel as its legendary infamy would have you believe.

Its solid 3 on IMDB I feel is a bit too harsh; while certainly no masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, it definitely feels like a three is a bit two low when there’s actually quite a bit good going for it. Realistically, I think a score in the mid-to-low fives would be a much better score for the film. As for its status as a “so bad it’s good film,” I think it is at least somewhat fair in this case, as the story itself is rather wonky, but I don’t think the film is bad for its quirky creativity, such as Ro-Man or the bubble machine; unique little quirks of the film I feel are genuinely good and help set it apart from other B-movies from the time and give it a unique identity that not many movies can match.

I think this film is most comparable to something like fellow B-movie The Giant Claw, where most of its more ironic fandom comes from the goofy monster than anything. I think that is warranted, as Ro-Man is just such a wonderfully iconic B-movie villain; maybe we should get Guillermo del Toro on the phone and see if he wants to do a sexy reimagining of this movie next. It’s what he deserves.

[mobius-prime]

159. Sonic Super Special #15

Welcome to the final Sonic Super Special ever! Here's my opinion on it. Past Super Specials have ranged from okay to amazing, depending on the writer and the subject matter, and their long length has usually, if you ask me, worked in their favor, as it meant more time and space to tell a compelling story. This is not true of this one. Unfortunately, the last super special of the comic is utterly awful, with two stories that do absolutely nothing to grip my attention, one of which ends in a status quo with a net gain of absolutely nothing, and the other of which is cringeworthy and isn't even very clear on when, where or how it takes place. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Naugus Games

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Many Hands Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

This first story is far, far longer than it has any right to be - it really feels like they were trying to find ways to pad it out it to take up the full 48 pages of the special. Furthermore, you might notice some oddities about the credits above. First of all, Aimee's name is misspelled with three E's for both stories for some reason, indicating some lazy copy-and-pasting as well as a lack of care from the editors. Even more frustratingly, no one is actually credited directly for the pencils (or inks), with the art instead just being credited to "many hands." Remember how I said the comic was getting annoyingly bad about properly crediting people? Now, in case you're confused, there's not just some artist out there literally named Many Hands; instead, that's the comic's way of sidestepping actually bothering to credit any individuals for their work. It just means "eh, a lot of people worked on this I guess, but we don't care enough to actually tell you who." Unfortunately, unlike a few issues ago where the art style was immediately recognizable as Steven Butler's, the art style for this story is foreign to me, suggesting they got some people who weren't their usual artists to work on this one, so I can't even take an educated guess here. All I know is that both the art style in general and the quality of the inks are very poor, and as we'll see, the art gets unforgivably lazy at times. Perhaps best of all, this story was later retconned into a much more interesting and concise version of itself at a later date, with better storytelling and artwork to boot. The only reason, then, that I'm covering it at all, is honestly as a demonstration of just how lazy the comic could get at times, as well as due to the fact that this is the first appearance of "Many Hands," who later pencilled one other issue for the comic that was of equally poor quality.

So this story takes place at an unspecified time in the recent past. It seems to be sometime after Eggman's return, judging by some of the lines of dialogue within the story, but the actual timeframe is pretty vague. Sonic has returned to the Southern Tundra to pay his respects to Eddy, recalling how Eddy sacrificed himself when he, Tails, and Nate all fought Naugus here some time ago. He's brought a single rose to lay on the site of the wreckage, but the ground isn't quite stable…

And here we have the first instance of a truly terrible art decision. Sonic falls into a pitch black cave system, but instead of representing this with maybe one page max of blackness or darker lighting, we're treated to nearly four pages straight of nothing but this:

He blindly stumbles around for a while, informing us of this fact through dialogue bubbles because everyone knows that telling is better than showing in fiction, right? He finally hits a wall and sees a glow through a crack in it, so he tunnels his way into the next room only to find it full of glowing rings - apparently, either he, Tails and Naugus somehow didn't use up all the rings when they fought, or these one have just auto-generated themselves somehow down here. Sonic recalls memories of the previous battle when Nate sealed Naugus away with a wish from a ring, and then decides to try to use one to get out of the cave system.

Wonderful! Apparently, a "wish" as defined by the magic of the rings just means that you think of someone's name while touching a ring, and so with a flash, Naugus is back from his imprisonment in the zone that Nate sealed him into! But how is this possible?

That explanation makes… basically no sense, dude. Naugus was definitely sealed away in another zone, he didn't just get turned into a pile of telepathic rings. But whatever. He and Sonic start battling it out, and somehow make it outside, where Naugus conjures up a snowstorm that consistently stays centered on Sonic no matter where he runs. Time for the second awful art choice of the issue - now instead of four pages of pure blackness, we get six whole pages of this:

I think the best thing about this is that the blizzard backgrounds are clearly not even hand drawn like the rest of the comic is - there's only two types of snowflakes up there, and they're consistently just copied and pasted in that same repetitive swirl pattern on every single page. I get that drawing for a big story in a super special like this can be long and tedious work, but this is why you don't try to find a way to artificially elongate a story like this which could easily be told in the span of a normal issue length. It just ends up making the audience feel like their time is being wasted. Anyway, the blizzard finally ends when Sonic pulls out a ring from his jacket and wishes for Naugus to be sealed away in his previous zone once more, and thus, Naugus is out of our hair again, with absolutely nothing to show for it. Man, if it's this easy to defeat people in this universe, why hasn't anyone tried this on Eggman yet?

Sonic then leaves back for home, thinking one last time of Eddy, who is shown looking down on him from the heavens above. And thank god that story is over.

Sonic Spin City

Writer/Pencils: Michael Gallagher Colors: Josh and Aimeee Ray

Michael Gallagher, over the course of the comics, has gone from one of the series' main writers to basically a guest writer who's brought on every once in a while for special occasions. In this case, he even makes his return as a penciller! Unfortunately, his goofy writing style has begun to clash with the much more serious plots of these later issues, and this story is no exception. It's entirely unclear about whether we're supposed to take this story as actual canon, as a story from an alternate zone, or as just a silly joke story that doesn’t mean anything - and while I tend to try to avoid looking at non-canon materials in this review series (I've already skipped a few stories and issues for exactly this reason), the ambiguity of this one forces me to cover it. In addition, I don't even know why Josh and "Aimeee" were credited as colorists for this story, considering the entire thing is black and white with no color to be found.

Much like the first story of StH#52, this story has the flair of an old detective serial. Sonic is wandering the streets on a rainy night when two swatbots ambush him. Of course, two swatbots are no match.

What does a swatbot need matches for? Eh, whatever. Sonic races over to Rusty's, a hangout for abandoned badniks, and orders himself a "chili dog float," which in addition to sounding absolutely disgusting doesn't even seem like something a bar for robots would serve in the first place. As he takes his seat, the lights go out, and… this abomination emerges onto the stage.

Yes. The badniks are going wild for a swatbot with tits dancing seductively on a stage for them. What is she gonna do, plug them into a wall outlet? They even start screaming out for "the stretch," and appear to get even hornier as she massively elongates her legs for them. I mean, just, what? I swear, Michael, if we get one more weird borderline-sex thing like this from you in this comic, my eyes are gonna pop out of my head like Natsuki. A bot grabs the dancer's ankle, and she's thrown off balance and crashes down, with the head popping off to reveal that underneath, it's Bunnie in disguise.

You know, after her claim all those issues back that she's a "sax cymbal," I'm not even gonna contest the idea that she'd do a sexy dance during infiltration for a mission. Hell, I get the impression she'd do one anyway just for fun back in Knothole if she got the chance. You might also notice her arm is the arm from her old design, and that coupled with Sonic's own design seems to indicate that if this took place at all in actual canon, it was before Eggman's return, though I'm immensely skeptical that this is supposed to be canon at all. Sonic and Bunnie take out the rest of Rusty's customer base, and then evacuate before the last swatbot activates its self-destruct chip, blowing the place sky high. Congratulations, nothing important was accomplished in this issue and nobody cares!

It's kinda sad that the final Sonic Super Special turned out to be so low-quality, honestly. However, this marks a bit of a turning point in the comic. For the first time in its entire run, from now on, there are no more special issues, no sister series, no miniseries, nothing. From the next issue, all the way to almost the 200th, with one exception in the form of a Free Comic Book Day issue, there are absolutely no interruptions from issue to issue. While this may not seem too notable at first, since we've just been reading everything in mostly-chronological order anyway, keep in mind that as far as the comic is concerned we're still in the year 2000, with a mere seven years having passed from the beginning of the comic all the way to now over the course of 159 issues. Over the course of the next 106 issues, we're going to blaze through nine years of comic history, meaning that the story is going to flow a lot faster, with more plot points being covered in a shorter amount of time. While this does make the order of issues a lot easier to follow, since there's no questions about which issue fits in where or anything, I am sad to see all the special issues go, as I quite enjoyed how they served to break up the flow of the comic as a whole with special stories and side content. Though we're still in the middle of our current plot era, we're entering into a new era of the comic as a whole, where we've got a straight shot through the next hundred issues. So I say - let's do it to it!

[anvils-and-dynamite]

Hey, Felix! - A Review of The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat - Guardian Idiot

Viewing the series as a whole, we could say that Twisted Tales is a mixed bag: not only in the sense of “the ratio of good to bad episodes is like a 50/50″, but, since it suffered from too many cooks in the kitchen during its production, we can see episodes taking entirely different directions.

The current plan is to review the three first episodes of the series: these were the very first ones I’ve watched and the ones that made me fall in love with the series, and we’re going to attempt to pinpoint exactly why. At first, I wanted to approach all three at once, but I think it will be better if I tackle them one by one. Still, I’ll keep this video that has all three because it’s got the best quality I could find.

GUARDIAN IDIOT

- 1:09-2:17 - We start not with Felix himself, but with the villain of this episode! And a pretty memorable one to boot! You just can’t go wrong with the morbidity of the meat industry, especially in a setting where animals are sapient.

Highlights of the Butcher’s presentation are:

(1:09-1:17) introduces us to the main subject and the place the villain operates in: a fast food restaurant where people are chowing down burgers in a rather gross and even brutal manner (pay close attention to the background lady)

One of my personal highlights of the Butcher’s presentation is the dialogue with the lady who asked for salad (1:17-1:31). I’m not an expert on comedic timing, but I like how he politely follows her request with “And what kind would you like?”, to prompt her to say “What kind do you have?”, only to deliver that brief, explosive “NONE!”.

Look at his face. He was trying to lead the conversation to that point all along. Whoever was acting his voice was having a blast.

(1:31-2:02) L I S T E N T O M E N O W

Ok we get to the Butcher’s proper musical number, which give us a taste (HAH) of what to expect from Twisted Tales:

Things appearing where they don’t belong (like the beefed-up steer (HAAH) inside the banana)

Objects coming to life (I know, it’s weird to classify meat as an “object”)

And a tinge of the disturbing (animals being turned into pies/sausages yet still singing, a roast pork being fed to a family of pigs)

- 2:02-2:17 Somehow, the Butcher has run out of supplies. I like how the guy spends 5 good seconds pondering until he reaches the conclusion he has to get more meat. The cricket providing the sounds to signal an “empty” room is a nice touch, and so is the Butcher noticing it, picking it up and just chucking it aside like “naah that won’t do”

- 2:18- 2:28 And here he is, the star of the show! I love Felix as a street artist here, and how everyone runs away when he removes the top of his head as a hat to ask for tips. Yes, it could be interpreted as nobody wanting to pony up some pennies for the poor cat, but I really prefer the “body horror” route better (we’ll see a more extreme case of this in a later episode). This, coupled with Felix’s main issue (”Man, am I hungry”), portrays him as someone who tends to get the shorter stick in life, which makes him especially sympathetic to the audience and especially vulnerable to the villain.

- 2:28-3:04 These next scenes are brief, and the purpose of that is to take us to the kicker of the episode: Felix meets Butcher, Butcher lures Felix inside his restaurant/slaughterhouse with the promise of free food.

Seems that the Butcher is making things up as he continues with his plan, at least as I see it when he says “I’ve... got something for you!”. Observe how he looks up, thinking, and then, when he comes up with the rest of the sentence, his face stretches up in a smile and rolls his eyes, denoting his weirdo mannerism. It’s the small details like these what makes this character so fun to watch. And Felix’s enthusiastic “Oh boy!” while the Butcher prepares a cleaver behind his back!

We get some more old school cartoon weirdness with the Butcher sniffing Felix with his elongated eyes, what I assume is a string of meat-related puns (I’m sorry, my hearing is not that good) and some more subtle silliness, such as the Butcher giving Felix the menu in the shape of a playing card.

I really like the Butcher’s joyous glee he takes in murdering innocent animals. You know, the kind of stuff you could really enjoy in fiction. Or maybe it’s just me and my love for cackling, over-the-top maniacs.

-3:04-3:29 So this is the situation: our MC is about to be slaughtered alive by a sentient meat grinder (which by the way it’s a pretty good reflection of our villain’s cruelty). It’s interesting to put Felix in such a helpless situation right at the start of the series, but it’s pretty much done for the purpose to give way to the real meat (HAAAH) of this episode. Felix’s scream for help takes over the whole screen and reaches heaven... 

- 3:29-3:46 ...and a guardian angel apprentice is tasked to help him. I’d like to point out the queue of taller, more muscular, arguably more handsome angels: they are there to contrast with and underline the goofiness of the one Felix gets assigned to (complete with buttwings and straight up falling from heaven hollering). It’s nice to also get a motivation for him (”If I do good, I can get rid of these... training wings”)

We’re mostly focusing on scenes and how they work in these reviews, but I’d like to point out the background for heaven. I like sunset-like gradients that much.

- 3:47-4:16 The eponymous Guardian Idiot presents himself to Felix (not before getting a reminder of the trouble the cat is facing) and tells him he can take him anywhere he wants. This is where you realize the whole Butcher plot’s purpose is to take Felix to wacky places and have mini-adventures in them. Here is also where we can see better that Felix’s guardian angel might be... somewhat incompetent, with his ”Uh-oh, I’m thinking, but I’m not hearing anything!!” bit and him checking on a tourist guide, taking his sweet time while Felix inches closer to the meat grinder. But he finally does his magic and...

- 4:16-5:21 The reveal of Felix being underwater is done like the following: First, Felix takes some time to chill on a hammock and lazily gaze at a fish swimming above him... then he realizes something’s fishy (HAAAAH) and then it zooms out to reveal that he’s on a sunken ship! And he’s not alone: there’s a crew of skeleton pirates who also want to make mincemeat (HAAAAAH) out of him! Look at that wild take Felix does (4:31), that’s another tinge of the disturbing I like so much.

We also get the first instance of Felix using his tail as a tool or a weapon, in this case a sabre to fend himself off the pirates. We get some more lovely cartoon shenanigans as Felix finishes his confrontation with the skelepirates (like the bone unicycle and the gossipy ship figures), but it abruptly ends when Felix gets trapped inside a clam and asks for help again. This, in turn, makes his guardian angel appear again. Felix is not happy at all with his wish and asks him to put him “on dry land”

- 5:21-6:35 “...It sure is dry”. The water joke falls a bit flat to me, and I don’t quite get what’s going on with the snowing log cabin (is it a reference? or just for the sake of randomness?).

And because you can’t be a Toon and not be in the desert without seeing some mirages, here we have Felix suffering from double vision and dancing cacti. I really like the gag of his pupils multiplying because he’s seeing double, as well as the “deserty” version of the can-can.

(5:58-6:19) Is our boy Felix learning from a certain someone or what

Again, Felix gets in another life threatening situation and happens to stumble across his angel again, who is building a sandcastle in the desert. I really like it when Toons engage into casual activities in life-threatening environments. Felix requests to be put somewhere else (not before getting a shot of the vultures chasing him) and...

- 6:35-6:58 We get a short string of sequences of Felix being put in increasingly ludicrous scenarios (seriously, what’s going on with the cult and the clown chase). Fed up, Felix asks the angel to put him back where he was, even if he’s supposed to save him. Reluctantly, the eponymous Guardian Idiot does so, and comes to watch Felix’s fate

- 6:58-7:35 Back to the slaughter house, the guardian angel mourns Felix beforehand, feeling bad that his incompetence did not help him at all. We get a shot of Felix on the edge of death and then the Butcher enters the scene, eager to get some fresh meat for the restaurant. I really like how he notices the “fairy” weeping and straight up goes like “GRANT ME A WISH”. He’s so unfazed, like screw it, awe is for weenies. And yes, the angel is so heartbroken he’s willing to serve the bad guy, but then...

Well, it goes as well as you expect with a wish such as “make me that fattest, greasiest sausage in the world””. Was it incompetence or that the Angel finally realized this is his chance to save Felix? You decide.

- 7:35-7:55 So we get a happy ending with Felix congratulating his guardian angel (”What do you know? You’ve saved me, after all!���) and we even get to see him getting his new wings (airplane wings because of course we gotta crank up the silliness whenever possible). And just in case the villain being turned into a sausage wasn’t disturbing enough for you, as the iris closes out on Felix, he pulls out a burger that might or might not be made out of the Butcher...

And that’s it for now! I’m glad I started this review because it made me notice things I haven’t noticed about my favourite series before, what makes it what it is, and what makes me love it so much. I think the two next episodes follow the same formula, so we’ll check on them sometime. Stay tooned!

[thetygre]

30 Day Monster Challenge 2 - Day #23: Favorite Bad Movie Monster

Alright, so most of these movies aren’t really all that bad; they’re just kind of ‘meh’. But they would have been a lot worse without these cool and/or goofy monsters.

1.       Jabberwocky (Alice in Wonderland 2010)

I am prepared to disclose that Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland was not horrible, but 60% of that opinion stems from the Jabberwocky. (The remaining 40%is 30% the other monster designs and 10% lesbian subtext.) The Jabberwocky has always been my favorite part of the Alice mythos (surprise surprise), and not to sound petty, but I have dropped Alice movies just for not including the brilling beast. Burton’s Jabberwocky might not be my favorite, but it has a lot going for it. The way they treat it is basically as Wonderland’s Tarrasque; a living WMD, a legendary kaiju, the ur-monster in a world teeming with dangerous and crazy creatures. The way it wakes up is even a direct nod to Chernabog from Fantasia; they are literally equating this thing to the Devil.

Second off; Christopher Lee.

Finally, when the Jabberwocky meets Alice to fight, he says this thing about meeting his ‘old foe’, ‘the vorpal one’, in battle again. It is made explicitly clear that he is talking about the vorpal blade, not Alice. And that just… I don’t want to say that that changes the entire movie, but yeah, it kind of does. The implications here are that the vorpal blade and the Jabberwocky have fought each other countless time before in the past. The history of Wonderland is just the history of a dragon and a magic sword fighting. Is the vorpal blade sentient? How many times have these two fought? This kind of transforms everything about the setting the movie has established for the last hour and a half. It’s just so filled with so much potential to me.

2.       Torgo (Manos: The Hands of Fate)

Y’know, when you’re in a dark place, you have to find your own light. A source of motivation, something you can cling to to pull you through to the other side. Maybe that’s a dream, a goal at the end of the tunnel, or maybe it’s a hero, someone you can look up to. I’m not saying that Torgo is a hero, but he inspires me. There are weeks at work where I just don’t want to get out of bed in the morning. I come home at night to an empty room and fall asleep alone. It gets hard, is what I’m saying. But you know who never stopped trying, even though he hated his job and was lonely too?

Torgo. That’s who.

Everyday Torgo gets up, throws on his blazer and hat, and he goes out there and busses a haunted motel for a boss he hates. But he does it, every day. And if Torgo can do it, you can too. So you’ve got to get out there and be the best damn lackey you can. You’ve got put in the work to make it to tomorrow. And when the good times roll in and come shining down on you, you take a minute to remember the man who helped you get here. Take a minute to remember Torgo, looking down on you from Cloud No. 9, shedding a tear.

3.       Radu (Seventh Son)

The Last Apprentice series is actually a pretty cool (and grim) series of dark fantasy/horror young adult novels, kind of like junior’s first Solomon Kane. The Seventh Son movie based on the series has piss-all to do with it, and its only redeeming features are some cool monster designs and Jeff Bridges. Of those cool monster designs, the stand-out for me is Radua aka Muslim Dragon Kratos. He’s one of our villain witches chief thugs, and is unnecessarily cool for a side-character. He’s got this whole Nosferatu Zodd code of honor thing, and wields these two chain blades and probably could have been the villain in his own movie.

Now that alone would have been a neat detail, but then he can turn into what I honestly consider one of the more interesting dragons in recent cinema. I talked before about how one archetype of dragons was of being these unholy, scavenger type wilderness monsters, and that’s kind of the vibe I get from Radu’s dragon form. It’s all lanky and feral looking. It has too many limbs, and it walks around like it doesn’t know how. It’s another unnecessarily cool design for such a generic movie, and it’s definitely worth checking out.

4.       Krakensaurus (Jack the Giant Slayer)

I don’t want to be mean and discount Jack the Giant Slayer as ‘discount Ray Harryhausen’, but thems is the breaks, as the saying goes. The movie is kind of charming in how earnestly it plays to being a 1960s fantasy movie, with princesses in pink dresses and warlocks with goatees and a rhyming leprechaun. The movies stop-motion monsters don’t really live up to industry standards, though. But I can’t sit here and lie and say that I don’t have a special fondness for the sea monster at the end. The movie’s penultimate scene sees our heroes trying to escape the warlock’s castle, so the villain summons a two-headed giant (or ettin, if you know your monsters) which looks suspiciously like one of Ray Harryhausen’s cyclopes. Trapped in a sea cave, the rhyming leprechaun trapped in a bottle (roll with it) summons a sea monster to deal with the problem.

Sometimes it’s the little things in life, like watching two weird looking monsters fight to the death. Our sea monster is a blue-green mixture of kraken and allosaurus, and I’m pretty sure its toy had more detailing than the actual moving model. When this guy showed up on the screen, six year old me was hype enough to punch through a wall. I spent the next week drawing pictures of him so I wouldn’t forget him. This movie has 100% more sea monsters and singing leprechauns than The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad, and that almost makes up for its deficit skeleton warriors.

5.       Queen of the Lair (She Creature 2001)

Stan Winston was on the helm for this little lady’s monster design, and it shows. A mermaid queen, it’s hard to tell if her monster form is her real shape or just something she can morph into. Even her basic mermaid form is pretty interesting; the split tails remind me of sirens or tritons. Her monster shape, though, is pure Stan Winston gold. There’s more than a little bit of the xenomorph queen in there, between the crest and the fangs. Someone threw it into a blender with a sea serpent and a viper fish and what comes out is the most badass mermaid to ever slink across cinema. She rips people’s heads off, her tail is covered with bone spikes, and she can sing a siren song to summon up her mermaid swarm. Oh, and psychic impregnation powers. That part’s kind of important.

6.       She Creature (She Creature 1956)

Aforementioned sea monster queen was part of a series of horror films based on old b-movies, so this is the original She Creature. Even today, this is one of my favorite designs from the 1950s. Paul Blaisdell might just be the king of B-movie monster suits, and belongs up there with Ray Harryhausen in the great monster hall of fame. The she creature looks like the sum product of an orc, a lobster, and a scorpionfish. It’s a shame you only see her in monochrome, because her color scheme is a startling mix of green and pink. What I find most fascinating is the concept that this is supposed to represent some parallel evolutionary stage of humanity. This is supposed to be a different version of Homo sapiens that never left the sea. Stan Winston’s mermaid queen is great, but I would still love to see an updated and more articulate version of this design.

7.       Vampire Spawn (Van Helsing)

This raises so many questions. So the crux of Van Helsing is that Dracula needs Frankenstein’s monster to power a force-field that will allow his swarms of vampire spawn to survive past infancy. I bet you thought vampires reproduced by biting people, right? Well, apparently they also have egg-sacs. Just, massive, Aliens style egg-sacs full of bat/human fetus monsters hungry for blood. It’s so stupid that I love it. These things are horrible and adorable; they remind me of chupacabras. I want one as a familiar, or at least statted up for a tabletop roleplaying game. Just really try to avoid thinking about the whole egg-sacs thing and all the implications that brings to vampire mythology.

8.       Emperor Tyrannus (Attack of the Super Monsters)

I don’t… I don’t think I have the strength to really get into Attack of the Super Monsters. When I watched it, liquor was involved. Describing it reads like a parody of Japanese media that involves anime, men in monster suits, and giant robots meant to sell collectible toys. But it’s real, and the realest shit ever is Emperor Tyrannus. Emperor Tyrannus is literally a giant tyrannosaurus rex who is the evil mastermind of an underground civilization of dinosaurs. The dinosaurs talk, because shut up, and Emperor Tyrannus in particular talks with a villain voice that I just can’t really convey through text. I think the closest I can get is saying that he sounds like someone doing an imitation of Brian Blessed while having a stroke. Emperor Tyrannus shoots laser beams from his eyes that mind control the other dinosaurs into being evil, and watches them fight a hermaphroditic cyborg superhero in a drill/airplane. Look, you need to see this for yourself. I’m not doing this justice. Get your friends, find the DVD, and strap in for a wild ride.

9.       Witch Tree (The Last Witch Hunter)

The Last Witch Hunter is another guilty pleasure move where Vin Diesel brings what I’m pretty sure is one of his D&D characters to a movie and somehow ropes Michael Cain and Elijah Wood into it with him. Our villains are, in a surprising twist, witches that cook up some fairly grotesque magic. One of the creatures meant to act as the witches’ guardians is a magical sentinel, and it just goes so hard and so dark for what amounts to a stick golem. It’s the fine details that make this construct stand out. The extra limbs let it move faster and have extra attacks, the jawbones around the front form a crude mouth, and the branch rib-cage makes it look like something that used to be alive instead of something that was just magically summoned. There’s so much work poured into this one monster, and it’s definitely a treat to see it at the end of the movie. Rethink your golems, kids; treat yourself better.

10.   Giant Leeches (Attack of the Giant Leeches)

I used to be pretty intensely leech-phobic when I was younger (and by younger, I mean a couple of years ago), but even then I knew the giant leeches were lame. Incredibly lame. Like, honestly kind of pathetic. I kind of like them out of a bizarre sense of pity. Giant leeches should scare me, but these guys are just goofy. A leech isn’t a hard design; it’s a tube with a sucker on each end. But I am almost convinced that the person who designed these monsters had never actually seen a leech, or possibly even a worm. But the movie still treats them with all the dignity and awe of the Creature of the Black Lagoon. There are prolonged sequences of these guys swimming underwater, floating around like hungry garbage bags. These things are not, nor were they ever, leeches; they are some kind of aquatic octopus or confused anemone. That’s why they need our love, our protection; because they’re too stupid to survive by themselves.

[ludonarrativediss]

GOTY 2021

Weird year, man. Global Pandemic Year 2 coincided with Year 2 of me taking time between jobs. You see how I did that? "Taking time between jobs" sounds a lot better than "very unemployed, dangerously burnt out, wandering through a depressed haze while spending two years being very, very broke." You would think that being forced to stay in my apartment by a deadly virus and having no job would've led to me playing more video games this year, but something about 2021 makes it hard to remember what I even played. Everything is a blur, in many ways it feels like I only played every game about two hours. If my brain was in constant fight or flight mode in 2020, in 2021 it just sort of sizzled on a pan like those old anti-drug commercials, spastic but nicely heated by the dual stress of pandemic and crushing capitalism.

That said, I'd like to share with you my Top 8 games of the year, and then spend some time talking about all the things I played that didn't quite rank in that Top 8. mostly because I didn't play them quite enough or because they came out years ago. Okay, let's go.

MY TOP 8 GAMES OF 2021

#8. HITMAN 3

Hey they added some more levels into Hitman and slapped a three on it! It lets me play all the Hitman I already own! It's still that fun and goofy Hitman experience, even if I've kind of played a lot of that over the last five years!

I enjoyed my time with it, but I probably only played through the new levels once. I had a blast playing the new experimental stages, but quickly found myself using it as an excuse to go back and play the older stages from Hitman 1 & 2 that were my favorites.  Like several games on this list, I didn't play as much Hitman 3 in its release year as I would've liked, but I am comforted by the idea that it is sitting on a hard drive, ready for me to dive into at any point in the future…

#7. FORZA HORIZON 5

…Which is exactly how I feel about Forza Horizon 5. Here's another one of those series that I like a lot, that is still just as good as it’s ever been, but I didn't play as much as I thought I would this year, because I play so much of them every year. Honestly, I probably played a lot more Forza Horizon 4 this year than 5, just due to the fact that 5 came out in November and I had all the months before November to fool around in 4. So, honestly, well, 2022 is probably gonna be my big Forza Horizon 5 year.

The cars are still fun, the concept of a weird wild "car festival" is still just the right amount of dumb, and boy does beautiful Mexico look good in 4K on a Series X.

#6. ALAN WAKE REMASTERED

Alan Wake is still great. The tone and influences and writing still impress eleven years later. Maybe more interestingly, some of the things that bothered me when the game first came out no longer do. I despised collecting manuscript pages and coffee thermoses back then—thought it really destroyed the pacing and atmosphere to be bumbling around the levels collecting literal garbage, and maybe it still does—but now I don't mind it. Hang out in this cool spooky pacific northwest town a little more? Sure.

Perhaps more importantly, Remedy succeeded so well two years ago with Control that I can't wait to see what they do with the newly announced Alan Wake 2.

#5. MONSTER HUNTER RISE

Every time I pick up a Monster Hunter game, I enjoy it a little bit more and I play it for a little bit longer than the last one. Rise didn't buck this trend, as I spent most of the month of March fighting and capturing giant weird dino monsters. I think the combo of the game being handheld and just generally more accessible than even the previously pretty accessible Monster Hunter World helped a lot. I also think that maybe the lowered technical prowess of the Nintendo Switch worked in its favor, as the thing that finally stopped me from playing Monster Hunter World on PS4 was that I felt sad when the monsters would limp around after a beating, and I'd have to chase them to their nests and finish them off. The Switch makes everything feel a little more cartoony, and that actually makes me feel less bad about mass monster murder.

#4. GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Oh wow, what a nice surprise this game is. Square Enix's Avengers game was such a downer that when I saw the first video from this game I was immediately turned off... but it's great! The story and writing are just charming as hell. It tells a pretty complex cosmic Marvel story in a real chill, natural way, with great introspection on each character and actual real laughs. The combat is serviceable in a throwback kind of way, but I kept playing for the story, and boy does the story deliver.

#3. DEATHLOOP

This game has everything I'm looking for with its premise, setting, and characters. Set in a 60s mod supervillain lair and starring two cool black characters? And it's about time travel? It ticks all my boxes, and does it all with a great style. The gameplay borrows chunks from several genres, rearranging them in brand new ways to make a game that is so different than everything else that it takes about three hours of prologue just to fully understand its mechanics. It's got all the best parts of a rogue-like game without the frustration. It's got a lot of the things I love about an immersive sim, but in digestible bite-sized chunks. There's a PVP element where you're being hunted by the antagonist in the otherwise single-player game, and that antagonist can be player controlled. The PVP is well-balance and thrilling and you can turn it off but why would you?

My only complaint with Deathloop is that it appears to overstay its welcome a bit, because well, I haven't finished it. But that's okay, I look forward to spending more time with it in 2022, wrapping up that story, and then seeing if I can sneak into some other player's games and mess them up.

#2. METROID DREAD

It felt so good to play Metroid again. Metroid Dread is such an achievement, in a restrained way that’s still somehow surprising. They just went and made another of those old Metroid games! It's dripping with nostalgia, but holds nothing back. It always feels like it's throwing a new upgrade, power-up, or boss battle at you. And boy, is it a challenge. My official completion time was somewhere around 9 hours, but I spent an additional 7 hours just dying over and over again to bosses. Somehow it was never frustrating, though. The difficulty felt as nostalgic as the other parts of the game, taking me back to what it was like to play games as a kid, how I would have to put something aside and step away from it for days or weeks, then come back and give it another go.

#1. INSCRYPTION

I had so much fun with Inscryption this year. I won't be spoiling the game here, and my advice to you is to not read anything else about Inscryption and just go play it. It's got a narrative structure that's only possible in a video game. It's just full of weird vibes, fun surprises, and satisfying gameplay. It's a weird spooky rogue-like card game that really goes places, and I recommend that everyone play it. What a game.

Games that I enjoyed, but that don't quite make a ranked list, mostly because I didn't play them enough.

Super Mario 3D World Bowser's Fury - If I was the type of person who felt it necessary to round this list out to a Top Ten, then Bowser's Fury would be on it. The Mario 3D World portion is just a Switch version of the very good Wii U game, but the Bowser's Fury content is a brand new, semi-open world take on Mario that hits all the right joy sensors in my brain, and gets me excited for whatever that Mario team is working on next.

New Pokemon Snap - Once again, if I was making a list that had ten games on it, this would be there too. I'm not a big Pokemon guy, but I love games that play around with photography, and this game is the right kind of chill. I do wish that Nintendo, with their near endless budgets, had spent a bit more creative capital and gone all out on this release. I would love true open world areas, better photo judging algorithms, and more extensive online mechanics, but I'm still just happy we got another one of these.

Pokemon Unite - I know I just said I'm not really a Pokemon guy, but oh wow, I played an embarrassing amount of this in the first month or so it was out. Just match after frustrating match, but for a brief period it really dug its way into me, even if I was actively angry every other battle. I recently loaded it up again, just to see how to unlock the Santa Pikachu they had changed the game thumbnail to, and it's still that same game, but now with a bunch more Pokemon and even more levers to make you keep playing and spend real money on things. I don't know, it still gives me what I want out of a MOBA without having to play a real MOBA, and so I'll probably keep it installed on my Switch forever.

The Ascent - Oh I really had a good time with this one, but hit enough bugs at launch that after ten hours or so I decided to wait until it got patched a couple times, and then I never came back. I really enjoy the setting and aesthetic, though, and definitely feel like it's a better cyberpunk game than Cyberpunk 2077.

Resident Evil Village - I only picked this game up recently, because I am a scaredy cat who loved RE4, but couldn't make it past the first five minutes of RE7.  I'm currently somewhere midway through the real tall lady's house, and really enjoying my time with it. I am still quite anxious about playing it, but so far I've found the balance of freaky things to bullets in my gun reasonable enough to keep me going.

Halo Infinite - Hey they made another Halo! The multiplayer seems good and I like that it's free and that the battle passes don't expire. They tried to do a semi-open world thing and that shows off how fun Halo gameplay is, but also I'm already kind of bored and I've barely played any of it? Frankly, Halo Infinite is a success in my book because it's not awful. I'm sure I'll give this game a lot more time in 2022, and I also bet I'll come back to the multiplayer for years.

Mass Effect Legendary Edition - I only played a bit of ME1 on here and only while streaming on Twitch. Mass Effect is still good and unlike some other remasters this year, this one seems alright.  Maybe I'll find time to play it more in 2022.

Death’s Door - It's like Zelda crossed with Dark Souls, but you play a cute bird. I wish I had given this more time, I really enjoy it.

Ratchet and Clank: A Rift in Time - What a good looking game. I got this right at the end of the year, so I've barely touched it. I'm very early on, but so far it's one of them Ratchet and Clanks but somehow looks better than a Pixar movie. I'm sure I'll leisurely pick away at it in 2022.

Lake - I just started this and want to give it more time. Nice relaxing story game where you deliver mail in a 1980s small town? Sure.

Alright, so here's the real list—the place I put my real gaming time this year—these are games that didn't come out in 2021, but that I still played and enjoyed:

Wide Ocean Big Jacket - Great narrative game you can play in an evening or two. Just good vibes, man. It's on PC and Switch and everyone should play it.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1&2 - Another great remake, which somehow was rare the last couple years. I just like having this on my hard drive just in case I need to be happy fast.

The Last of Us Part 2 - I despised the discourse on this one so much at launch—and the depressing nature of the series was not what I needed in Pandemic Year 1—but in Pandemic Year 2 I finally got a PS5 and so I picked it up on sale and really enjoyed the small amount of time I put into it. I'm not that far, maybe 10 hours. I stopped because I suddenly had to kill a bunch of dogs and I don't know, that doesn't seem like such a great time? Maybe I'll go back to it, or maybe I'll just pretend that Ellie retired in Seattle and now lives with a bunch of really nice dogs.

Assassin's Creed Valhalla - I put so many hours into this in 2021. Such a big game, just beautiful and so much to do and just enough weird Assassin's Creed lore bullshit. I'm still somewhere in the Ireland dlc, and so I guess I'll be playing more of this in 2022.

Spider-Man Miles Morales - I maybe enjoyed this more than the previous game? It's shorter, with a tighter story, and it just so good to have a game starring Miles Morales and to see him treated well, and to have the other characters in the game also be people of color. Plus it's still just a blast to swing around that city.

Snowrunner - This was my main twitch streaming game this year, and I had a really good time hopping on stream and getting stuck in the mud with a big truck and complaining about capitalism.

Genshin Impact - I'm always this close to just going all in on Genshin Impact. Instead, I turn it on when I need a bright, chill, colorful world, but never dive too deep. I mostly ignore the free-to-play nonsense, and just do a few quests. It's nice.

Destiny 2 - The Destiny seasonal story stuff actually got good this year? I'm still a very casual Destiny player; I hop in, I do the new story stuff, and that's about it. I've still never done a raid or a dungeon, but I love the lore, love the game feel, and I'm always pleased to return when they've added a new chapter of weird proper nouns for me to try and comprehend while I shoot the aliens.

Final Fantasy 13-2 - Last year I replayed Final Fantasy 13, a game I had already played through before, and this year I restarted Final Fantasy 13-2, a game I had bounced off of pretty quickly at launch, but which I find endlessly interesting now. It's a weird, convoluted time-travel story that feels like fan-fiction of the previous game, while also actively trying to undo its history. I'm still somewhere in the middle of it, but hopefully I can find some time to push through it later in 2022.

Risk of Rain 2 - I love the vibes of Risk of Rain 2, I wish I wasn't awful at it.

Tomb Raider (2013) and Rise of the Tomb Raider - I found myself replaying these games again this year for some reason? It was therapeutic to shoot dumb mercs with arrows and solve ancient puzzles at like 2am when I'd had too much whiskey after stressing about being unemployed. They still hold up.

Injustice 2 - Speaking of holding up, Injustice 2 is still good! I also played a bunch more Mortal Kombat 11 this year, but at some point the bloody ultra-violence of MK11 wasn't what I was in the mood for, so I suddenly found myself reading all of the Injustice comic books, playing through the story modes of Injustice 1 and 2 again, and then spending a lot of hours grinding out multiverse tournaments to level up Starfire. Injustice 2 is still good!

Yakuza: Like a Dragon - I've mentioned before that I bounced right of Yakuza 0 the two times I've tried to play it, but Yakuza 6: Like a Dragon kept my interest for a lot longer. I love the main character, he's so relatable and likable, and the turn-based combat is just more my speed than the beat-em up mechanics of the main series. I'm still probably only half-way through, but hope to get back to it at some point.

Fortnite - My most played game two years in a row was probably once again Fortnite. I put more hours into it than any other game on Nintendo Switch this year, and I definitely played it more on Xbox than Nintendo Switch? So I played it a lot, is what I'm saying. I mostly only played duos with my girlfriend—we both leveled up three battle passes past 100 in 2021, I think. I don't enjoy everything about Fortnite, but the amount of energy and resources they put in the game means that there's always something new, and that keeps us coming back.

Parasite Eve - I went on a real Parasite Eve kick this year. I played through the first game twice? I read a translation of the Japanese novel that the game is a sequel to? I don't know, in Pandemic Year 2 I got overwhelmed by the virus and obsessed on a weird story about mutant mitochondria and organ transplants gone wrong. I really want to make a nice long YouTube video about Parasite Eve, but I haven't gotten around to it yet. Maybe in 2022.

Anyway, those are the big ones. Real quick, here's a list of games that came out in 2021 that I wish I'd gotten to, but didn't:

Boyfriend Dungeon

Nier Replicant

Returnal

Loop Hero

Sable

The Forgotten City

SMT 5

Psychonauts 2

Chicory

Life is Strange True Colors

Boomerang X

I guess that's what 2022 is for.

Like I said, 2021 was a weird year and a weird year for gaming. Weird couple of years. Hope 2022 is less weird. Or weird in the cool ways with cool games. There's some new games that might come out that I'm excited for (Breath of the Wild 2 and Starfield? Maybe?) and I have three handheld gaming consoles preordered that are supposed to land in my mailbox by the end of the year (Valve's Steam Deck, an Analogue Pocket, and that yellow console with the crank). Here's hoping there's all of that, less weird NFT things, and a whole lot less global pandemic.

Take care of each other, take care of yourself, and I hope you find the time and space to play some good games in 2022.

[hornsbeforehalos]

Whiskey, Sweetheart: Part 11

Pairing: Norman Reedus x OFC, Past JDM x OFC Warnings: RPF, Smut, Language, Breif Violence, Jealousy, Angst, Older man/Younger Woman.

Series Masterlist

Summary: After Jeffrey’s neglect pushed her away and into the arms of his best friend, Norman and Ky have to figure out if their new relationship can withstand not only the aftermath of the unspeakable crime they commited to keep her safe, but the backlash that comes from being co-workers with a very betrayed Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

A/n: This is the Sequel to Anytime, Sweetheart and The Conquests of Norman Reedus. You’ll probably be a bit confused if you haven’t read Conquests yet, though, or at least the Finale, but you could probably figure it out on your own if you don’t want to. But I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to, lol.

Everything tags:@aquivercactus  @srj1990 @dragongirl420 @docharleythegeekqueen @jesbakescookies  @make-things-beautiful2  @through-thesilver-lining@sorenmarie87  @daddy-kink-confirmed @redm81  @heyitscam99 @kazosa @blacklightguidesnic @fandomoniumflurry @his-paradox @keepcalmimthecupcake @wilde-abandon

JDM TAGS: @jdmfanfiction @jeffreydeanneganstrash

Norman tags: @reedusteinrambles @jodiereedus22 @dollycrybaby

Whiskey, Sweetheart: @elinyaes @jml509 @xagateophobiax @missghoul18   @beffyblueeyes  @foreveror-never @zombeeemomeee  @jackybehappy   @journeyrose

I opened up my mouth to speak, but words wouldn’t come out. 

“Kylin?” Jeffrey growled in a worried tone, his hand reaching to grip my shoulder gently, “Who was that?”

“I...I’m- Uh, nothing.” I mumbled, shaking my head clear. Jeffrey of course cocked an eyebrow in disbelief, but I waved him off with a flick of my hand, “Don’t worry about it, J. None of your concern.”

Jeff gave me a cautious look as we pulled into the parking lot of the production office, Norman’s Triumph perched on its kickstand by my Camero close to the door. The driver put the car in park and we climbed out, my nervousness growing quickly as Norman burst out of the building and ran towards me.

I held out my arms for him to scoop me up and swing me around, his hands diving into my hair as he kissed me deeply before latching his arms around my neck to crush me into his chest. I hugged him back graciously, happy to be able to smell him and feel his comfort surround me again. 

“You okay?” He rasped as he pulled his lips away from mine, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear as he held onto my head. I nodded, my cheek nuzzling into his palm as my eyes closed. 

“Everyone’s waitin’ in the conference room, Jeff.” Norman said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder when we headed towards the door, “Kirkman and Nic freaked out the most on me, but everything seems to have calmed down now.”

“Thanks for doing the grunt work, Bubbah,” Jeffrey chuckled from behind us as Norman held the door open, the three of us shuffling towards the correct office where everyone was expecting us. 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jeffrey exhaled as we exited the building a while later, the bitch fest we’d just gone through mentally exhausting. Norman and Jeffrey both ended p having to sign contracts stating that their involvement in the investigation would not interfere with anything work-related unless absolutely necessary, and we all had to sign one that stated we would not discuss anything about it in public. The network did NOT want to have two of their biggest stars in the news because they were suspected murderers. 

It was past dark by the time we left, and I was thankful that Norman had had the smarts to have both his bike and my car driven up there. Jeff had left one of his at the studio as well, so the men decided that they were going to embark on their search for a drink while I went back to Norman's and went to sleep. 

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” Norman asked as he climbed on the back of his motocycle. I gave him a smirk and nodded my head.

“You sure you’re gonna be okay?” I replied, my eyes flicking to Jeffrey as I heard the roar of his engine come around the corner of the building.

“I’ll be fine, Sweetheart. Call me when you get home, I’ll wake you up when I get there,” He winked before reeling me in for a kiss, pulling my bottom lip between his teeth for a nibble. I grinned at him and smacked his arm playful, waving to Jeff as Norman pulled on his helmet and I made way for my car. 

“Nice ride, Ms. Ackles,” Jeffrey teased after he’d cut his engine off to wait for Norm, the glass shield of his helmet not hiding his shit-eating grin.

I returned his smile with my own, flipping him off and commenting, “Yeah, some old fucker gave it to me for my birthday. It’s pretty sweet.”

I could hear Norman bark out a laugh as I climbed into the drivers seat, shutting the door and looking over to see Jeffrey returning my middle finger. I smiled again at him and twiddled my fingers in goodbye, the motor under the hood coming to life as I blew Norman a kiss.

I’d tossed and turned in Norman's bed for the last three hours when I heard the familiar rumble followed by the garage door opening. I stayed under the blankets as I listened to him kick his shoes off by the door, his jacket and vest by the sofa, and finally the sound of his heavy footsteps as he stomped up the stairs.

I peered out of the cocoon i’d encased myself in as he opened the bedroom door, the light from the hallway flooding in. He had a goofy grin on his face and choked back a giggle, his hand covering his mouth as his eyes creased.

“You look fucking adorable right now.”

“Fuck you, come cuddle me.” I demanded in a pouty voice, earning me a snort from Norman as he shed his clothes down ot his boxers.

He climbed in under the comforter and covered me in his arms, his body pressing against mine as I nuzzled my nose in the hair on his chest that was tickling my nose. The distinct smell of his expensive cologne filled my nose, and I hummed in satisfaction as I wrapped one of my legs over his hip.

“How did that go?” I asked curoiously as I felt him rub my back.

“Weird.” 

“How so?” I quirked my eyebrow against his skin.

“I dunno. I mean, it was cool, he apologized for being a dick and everything, I guess this whole ordeal gave him some perspective or something, but it was still just...weird. This whole day’s been weird.” 

“You’re tellin’ me” I muttered, adjusting my self to tip my head up and look at him with a smirk.

“I’m glad it’s over and we get to do this, though,” He kissed me gently, his giant hands winding into my hair as he subtly nudged his groin against mine, the both of us reveling in the closeness after one of the scariest days of our lives. His lips became heavier and heavier, right along with the movement of his hips the longer he kissed me, pulling a breathy gasp from me as I tried to catch my breath. 

“I was so fucking scared, Ky,” He rasped, his voice breaking slightly as he rolled over on top of me and held his body above mine. His eyes were watering when he looked down at me, his hair draping into his face as he blinked away the tears. I palmed the side of his face as he closed his lids, his cheek dipping into my hand lovingly. He leaned down again and captured my lips, his tongue instantly demanding entrance to tangle with my own. A low, rumbling growl came from somewhere deep inside him, and I could feel his cock grow thicker against my panties as he rutted it against me. I moaned into his mouth at the friction against my clothed clit, my own hips lifting to feel more of him. 

“I love you,” He whispered against my skin, his hands wandering down my body to pull my panties down before running up under the shirt I’d stolen from him to grip my chest and play with my nipples.

“I love you, too,” I replied as my head tipped back so he could kiss his way down my neck, his thumb and index finger expertly pinching the sensitive knubs and making me writhe for him.

He pulled off of me for a second to kick his boxers off, before rolling us over in the mountain of comforters and pulling me onto his lap. My already slick folds slipped easily over his aching cock, earning me another grown of pleasure from the man below me. 

“So perfect,” He breathed as he looked up at me, his hands gripping my hips as I rocked them back and forth over him a cuople of times to tease him. I let a small whimper leave my lips as the head of his dick rubbed against my clit, the sensation sending a tremor through my body and more wetness slicking his cock.

“You gonna ride me, Whiskey?” He rasped as I lifted up slightly, allowing him to grip his hard-on and position it at my entrance. 

“Yeah, baby,” I sighed as I sunk down on him, feeling every inch of his thickness drag through my quivering core.

“Fuck,” He grunted as my thighs because flush with his, his eyes closing as his fingers dug dangerously into my skin. I lifted my hips again and repeated the action, watching as his mouth dropped open in awe. His large hands moved to my ass, squeezing and kneading the muscle as I began to move up and down, enticing more growls and groans from him. 

He moved his massaging fingertips from my ass up my back, earning himself mewls and keens from me and my sore muscles, my hips rocking back and forth as he worked. He bent his knees behind me for leverage before hooking his hands on the back of my shoulders and thrusting himself impossibly deeper inside me.

“Fuck!” I barked as a delightful pain shot through me, knocking the breath out of my lungs as he did it again.

“Look at you,” He growled, his fingernails dragging down my spine as he continued to thrust his hips upwards, snarling as my own nails found purchase on his chest as I tried to keep up with the deliciously punishing pace he set, “Take it, Whiskey.”

“Fucking shit, Norman,” I choked as I impaled myself again and again, my wetness coating him as my already fluttering walls began to clench his thickness, “I’m gonna come.”

“Fuck, already?” He rasped with a smirk, pushing me with a hand on my chest so I leaned on my arms behind me, my knees coming up so my feet were flat on either side of his ribs, “Come for me, Ky.”

“Norman,” I whined as he returned to the same brutal rhythm, my head thrown back and eyes squeezing shut as I balanced my weight on one hand while bring thing other to rub my swelling clit, “Fuck, baby.”

“Mm, yeah, let me see you rub that pussy for me, baby,” He growled as he kneaded the flesh of my spread thighs, his lip trapped between his teeth as his eyes preyed on the sight in front of him, “Come on, Kylin, let Daddy see you come.”

His filthy words frazzled my brain, my body suddenly humming as I gushed over him, the sight making him suck in a breath and release a hearty growl that vibrating through me. He watched as my soaked lips tightened around his throbbing dick, the moist skin trembling as I moved my hand away and lifted myself back forward, my knees finding themselves holding me up again. 

“That’s it, girl,” He panted as his hands wound into my hair, scratching at my scalp as he raised up to kiss me, his mouth still gasping against mine as he started to move again, “Fuck.”

My thighs burned with exersion as I came down from my blissfull high, and I gripped his shoulders and rolled him on top of me with an exasperated grunt, earning me a chuckle from him as he smirked down at me. He leaned his head down and kissed me again, licking my bottom lip before pulling itinot his teeth to knaw on on for a moent before rasping, “Tired already, sweetheart?”

“Fuck you,” I breathed, a giggle leaving my lips that quickly transformed into a pleasure-filled moan as he thrust back into me swiftly.

“You are,” He teased before attacking my jaw and neck with his tongue, his hips rocking steadily into my heat and curling my toes. My hands clawed at his back as his pace increased, and I mewled for him as he groped my breast through the thin material of the shirt I was still wearing. 

“Fuck, Ky,” He snarled as he let his arm hook under the back of my knee, lifting it towards my chest to pin against the mattress, “Pussy is jus’ too damn good, girl.”

“Then fuck it up, baby,” I cooed, bucking my hips up to his to meet his thrusts as my hands wound themselves into his messy hair and pulled sharply, “Fuck me up, Daddy.”

A low, gravelly rumble cascaded out of him as the hand that had been groping my tit slithered up my body and grasped my throat, squeezing my airway closed as he unleashed a barrage of punishing, bruising pumps into my slick, wet, and pulsing core. 

“Yeah, that what you want, baby?” He grunted as he continued his movements, our bodies moving roughly together as the sensation of him inside me pushed me closer to another orgasm, “Fuck you raw?”

“Yeah,” I gasped as I attempted to suck in a breath, the process difficult due to his fingers around my neck, “Fuck me.”

He removed his hand from me and a flood of air burst into my lungs, the sudden oxygen making me dizzy as he pulled out and flipped me over, smacking me on the ass with a thundering crack before plunging back into me as deep as he could. He wasted no time in digging the head of his cock into my cervix repeatedly at an unforgiving rate, ripping a scream from my lungs as he hit my g-spot so sweetly that I came undone again.

“Fuck yeah, girl, gimme it,” He grunted at the feeling of my walls collapsing around him, slapping my ass again as he continued to use his dick a battering ram against my poor organs. 

“Shit, Whiskey, you’re gonna make me come,” He gasped as I moaned loudly for him, my eyes rolling back into my head as I still writhed with pleasure. 

He came with a shout of my name as he ripped himself from me and shot his release across my back, my body collapsing with exhaustion onto the mattress as we both tried to catch our breath.

I felt him stumble off the end of the bed after a moment, his breathing still as labored as mine as I lay there face down in the cloud of blankets and sheets. He came back a second later and wiped the mess off my back with a hand towel before tossing it to the floor and crawling under the heap of comforters with me. 

I wanted to tell him then, as I lay there with my face in his chest, my nose tickled by the wiry hair there as I nuzzled into him. But I couldn’t.

“Jesus Christ, Ky, slow down!” Misha bitched I dragged him through the hallway, taking all the quickest routes I’d found to get him to the photo op that he was already late for.

“Hurry your fuckin’ ass, dude. Where the hell is your handler? Why do I always end up having to do this shit?” I griped right back as I finally found the correct passage to the large area where we were supposed to be. I pushed him past the curtain and everyone erupted in cheers, Misha waving like he wasn’t the most annoying person in the world. 

“’Bout time you showed up,” Jensen tutted at the both of us from his place a little bit down the table. I squinted my eyes at him while Misha giggled.

“Sorry I’m late, guys, Ky let me oversleep,” He scapegoated with a wink in my direction, which I returned with flipping him off, earning us another chuckle from the waiting fans, “Let’s get this show on the road, shall we?”

“I swear to god I can’t stand you sometimes,” I mumbled as I took my seat in between him and my brother, leaning over to kiss Jensen on the cheek. The ticket holder began urging the women forward, and Misha put on his best, gummy smile and flamboyantly greeted his fans. 

It was nice to be around family and have them be able to take my mind off of everything that had been occurring over the weeks since the interrogation. Our lawyer kept in constant contact with us, always having to be notified when we had to travel for work, as well as him updating us on the status of the investigation. He’d heard that Anthony’s mother had been extremely adamant that she didn’t believe I would have anything to do with his disappearing, and agreed with my testimony of him having multiple enemies. So far everything seemed to be working out as intended, and none of us were in any immediate danger. 

I still hadn’t told anyone about the other circumstance that I’d found myself in, but I did get a strange look from Jared when I’d turned down a offered drink the night before when Karaoke had ended. I’d been able to brush him off with little resistance, though, simply telling him I had a headache and didn’t want to make it worse. He let it go, kissed my forehead, and told me to go to bed. 

I didn’t know how I was going to tell Norm. He’d always stated very specifically that he was done having kids, and it was never something that I even thought about being a thing. Of course, we never really took very many precautions, so it was probably inevitable, I just wasn’t sure how Norman would take it. 

We were scheduled to be headed to Finland the next week for the Valentine’s Episode of RIDE, and I knew I needed to see a doctor beforehand. How I was going to do that without Norman finding out was still a mystery to me, but I wanted to make sure everything was certain before I told him. 

Plus, I had to work up the guts first.

After autographs I escorted Misha to the panel he was due at before joining Rob and Rich in the greenroom while we waited. I plopped down in the fluffy couch next to Rob, who rested his head on my shoulder as he strummed a few chords on his acoustic. 

“You wanna sing with me tonight?” He asked after a moment, passing the guitar off to me before nuzzling his face in my hair, “It’s been a while.”

“That could be fun,” I replied as I let my fingers pick across the strings gently, “What d’you wanna play?”

“Dunno,” He shrugged, drumming his fingers over the body of the guitar as I continued to play around, “Got any ideas?”

“Not really. Whatever you wanna do, you know I’m down.”

“What’s this I hear about Ky being down for whatever Rob wants to do?” Rich suddenly inturrpted, his phone’s camera facing the two of us on the couch, “Say ‘Hello’ to Dickchat!”

“Jesus Christ,” Rob griped as he flipped the camera off at the same time I did, the both of us busting out laughing as Richard returned the favor behind the screen.

“You see how these assholes treat me around here?” Richard narrated before ending the Snap and pulling the guitar out of my hands. Robbie instantly moved out of the way as Rich’s fingers attacked my ribcage, anticipating my flying limbs as he tickled me. I was able to push him off finally wiht my feet at the same time that my phone started vibrating, Norman’s face flashing on the screen. 

“Richard! Leave me the fuck alone!” I bitched as I swatted at him again while pulling the phone to my ear to answer, “Hey, babe.”

“What are you up to?” Came his gravely voice on he other line, eliciting a smile from my face as I kicked Richard in the shin again, earning me a chuckle from Norman as he heard the other man cry out in pain, “Kickin’ someone’s ass already?”

“Fucking Rich keeps fucking with me, and Robbie’s not defending my honor!” I complained with a whiney tone as I smacked Rob on the arm, making him bark out a, “What the fuck?!” in defense. 

I finally managed to stand up and get away from Richard, who stole my seat next to Rob immediately. I held the phone away from my mouth for a second to let Misha’s handler know that I was going outside for a smoke, and for them to come find me if anything crazy happened. 

I exited the double doors and into the bright sunshine, the Florida wind blowing around me. It was chilly, but not near as cold as New York or Vancouver had been, thank Chuck.

“How’s your weekend goin’?” Norman asked as I lit my cigarette and inhaled the toxic smoke, mentally preparing myself for having to quit.

“Same shit, different city,” I answered upon exhale, the thick cloud of carcinogens disappearing into the air, “Robbie asked me to sing with him tonight.”

“Well that’s cool, you haven’t done that in a while, right?” Norman beamed, the sound of a lighter being heard through his end as he lit his own smoke, “What ya gonna be singin’?” 

“Dunno yet, Rob’s gonna probably get with the guys and see what they wanna do.” I said as I took another drag, flicking the ashes onto the concrete sidewalk, “Wish you were here.”

“I know babe, but this time next week we’re going to be gazing up at the Northern lights and it’s gonna be amazing.” Norman promised with a sweetness to his voice that made me smile. 

“I know, I just miss you.” I sighed, worrying my cigarette against the side of the building before bringing it to my lips again.

“Miss you too, Whiskey baby.” He cooed in response, making me giggle lightly as I finished the rest of my smoke and headed back towards the door.

“How’s your explorations with Austin going?” I asked as I made my way back into the greenroom after checking everything was still going well at the panel with Misha. 

“Fuuuunnn,” He chuckled, the sound of him breathing into the receiver following as I entered the room, finding it mostly empty, save for a few handlers roaming about, “I’d rather be with you, though.”

“Of course you would, who wouldn’t want to spend all their time with me?” I joked as I plopped down in the seat I’d taken earlier on the fluffy couch, picking up Robbie’s guitar again. 

“You’re ridiculous, kid,” Norman snorted in return, making me roll my eyes and giggle at him. 

“Whatever,” I tutted as I cradled the phone on my shoulder and played along the frets, twinkling out notes here and there until the sound of the band playing Misha’s song caught my ears, signalling that the panel was coming to an end, “I gotta go, babe, duty calls.”

“Alright. I’ll see you soon, with a big bottle of Whiskey, Sweetheart.”

Yikes.

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OPINION: TONIKAWA’s First Episode Is Weird, Wild, and Breaks Tradition

  Stop me if you’ve heard this kind of set up for a romance story before. Boy meets girl. Boy gets run over by a truck and breaks his legs and begins bleeding profusely when he’s convinced he needs to talk to girl. Girl saves boy’s life and then agrees to marry him as he’s bleeding everywhere. Oh, that’s not the normal way romance stories tend to go? I guess you won’t have to stop me then. TONIKAWA: Over The Moon For You’s first episode takes a genre most people have an understanding of and decides to flip it on its head. Immediately, your preconceived notions about what traditionally makes a romance story are out the window, and instead you’re left wondering where the drama will be and how this couple will work out after already being married.

  Now, there’s a reason you won’t often see these kinds of shows break away from what works. The old adage of “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” has definitely applied to romance and romantic comedy series for centuries. It’s a formula that works and will continue to work because people pine to see the development of a relationship and two characters’ chase toward getting together. They want to see a pairing’s journey and how they’re able to navigate the ups and downs that come with any relationship.

    If you take a look through the romance tag here on Crunchyroll, most of the titles you’ll see feature couples that get together at the end of the series or fans are still waiting to see that happen for a variety of reasons. From traditional romance series such as Tsukigakirei, Orange, or given to romantic comedies like Lovely Complex and Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun, they all refuse to break from this traditional style of storytelling. MY love STORY!! comes the closest out of the shows I’ve watched, but even then, it still waits for a handful of episodes and isn’t as immediate as TONIKAWA is.

  Since it’s obvious TONIKAWA is doing something different early in its first episode, how does that change the relationship that people who usually watch this genre have with a show that subverts expectations? Since Nasa and Tsukasa are married by the end of the episode, the journey I talked about earlier is not exactly gone completely, but altered. You won’t be able to see how they eventually come together after weeks of watching. Instead, their journey is something different as they still have to get to know one another, and that’s a process in and of itself.

    With Nasa’s more straightforward approach, combined with Tsukasa’s mysteriousness, that will become the cause for some goofy shenanigans. When you add on top of that the fact that they have to immediately start living together and learn about each other’s nuances, it creates a recipe for comedy and drama as the two of them aren’t going to be synced up on everything right off the bat. Usually, it’d be easy to iron out those kinds of wrinkles in a relationship, but more often than not, you move in with someone after you’ve had an established amount of time knowing each other. 

  When you add in other people the two of them will know who could stir up trouble, that becomes another issue that can be hard to overcome, especially in a relationship as new as Nasa and Tsukasa’s. So, while the drama here is going to be different than what you normally see in the romance/romantic comedy genre, it’s still a prevalent factor that will crop up even though TONIKAWA has switched up how it delivers the comedy and drama to its viewers. Instead of the will-they-won't-they question constantly being whether or not they’ll eventually end up together, it now becomes will they be able to stay together for the long haul?

    Given the way TONIKAWA kicks things off by being different from the norm, it brings a freshness to the genre that can sometimes feel the same with shows continuously utilizing the same formula. That has its benefits and drawbacks. Some people will relish the idea that the romance genre is doing something different with how this series is presented. It’ll make them more interested to see what TONIKAWA does next to try and subvert their expectations. However, it can have an adverse effect as well, where some people who want that slow burn type of story will be put off by having that ripped away from them straight away. That could be enough for someone to immediately look the other way and try to find something else.

  Even though this series does take the way romance stories are presented and flips it on its head, I still think you’ll be able to get that slow burn if that’s what you’re looking for. Nasa and Tsukasa still have to learn about each other, they’ve got to figure out how to become closer and understand how to be a husband and wife. That’s where the slow burn will reignite and take hold. Romance is romance, after all. Even if different kinds of media will give you a lot of the same kinds of stories in regard to that, not everyone’s story is the exact same, nor should they be. 

    There is, of course, another aspect that TONIKAWA brings that makes things different, and that’s the mystery of Tsukasa. Nasa alludes to her being similar to the legend of Princess Kaguya in the first episode, but as of now, there’s a whole lot we just don’t know about her. What’s her motivation for agreeing to marry Nasa and then following up on that years later? What kind of person is she? What’s her backstory? You could rattle off numerous questions that would be relevant here, but it adds another element to this story that while Nasa was very quick to agree to everything, everyone else is still left in the dark as to what’s going on with Tsukasa and how the answers to a lot of these questions will have on their relationship and the story as a whole.

  TONIKAWA does a good job of changing how romance stories can be approached early on in a way that feels fresh. It allows you to see that there are other avenues for drama or comedy to come from that aren’t the typical ways the genre is known for. It’s certainly not a deconstruction of the genre that goes in a completely different direction, but it’s still a change of pace that allows for any new or experienced viewer to understand that what they’re watching is a little bit unusual, and that can make for a fun story. Whether or not TONIKAWA continues to switch things up remains to be seen, however, its first episode certainly does its job in making you want to see where Nasa and Tsukasa’s relationship will end up.

  Do you think TONIKAWA will continue to change up the romance story formula and how do you think Nasa and Tsukasa's relationship will work? Let us know down in the comments below!

      Jared Clemons is a writer and podcaster for Seasonal Anime Checkup and author of One Shining Moment: A Critical Analysis of Love Live! Sunshine!!. He can be found on Twitter @ragbag.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com