#its so weird to be 27
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It's my birthday 💃
#ash speaks#its so weird to be 27#also ch42 is basically ready lmfao but idk when I'll be posting it#also i got a speeding ticket ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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For my birthday... read my webcomic! It's literally free! (Unless you want books. Those are not free)
It's beautiful, it's gentle, it's funny, they're canonically t4t and gay... And it's about time traveling vampires solving supernatural mysteries!
I've spent thousands of hours writing and drawing it, and it's really good! I'm not biased!
It's on hiatus right now and coming back in 2 months, so it's the perfect time to get caught up
#i felt weird putting this in there so I didnt but I've also received recognition for excellence in writing#and was nominated as a fan favorite on webtoon canvas...#so like not only do i work super hard but its just really good!#im not ashamed of claiming that i think my work is well done. if i didn't think i was doing a good job why would i do it#buuuut. something about being like please read my comic im literally so good at comics feels weird to me#even though i think that. in my brain#i dont want to imply that there is some objective or tangible goodness to my work simply for receiving some accolades#its nothing other than some accolades. whether or not someone likes it is up to them#so i guess to me it just feels superfluous#but genuinely I love my comics...#i re read them all the time. and i enjoy them!#theres things i would change and probably will change when i go to print#but i did what I could with the time and energy I had#and when it comes back... oh boy.#my friends have agreed its the best stuff ive ever written. it's literally so good...#im so excited to share.#still not fully ready to officially commit to the return date#but i am gunning for it!#webcomics#webtoon#time and time again#its my birthday!#idk wtf to tag this as. im 27 now...#read my comic#LOL
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esteban ocon in the castrol hyspec technical challenge (ft seen through glass)
#i finally made the gifs#i hate them but i said i would do them so here they are#the top right gif...#i had to edit that THREE times#the colouring on that one kept coming out so weird#its still weird but whatever i can't be bothered#esteban lost btw#because of the efficiency part of the challenge LMAO#the video has 27 likes atm#alpine and esteban got their bag and castrol got nothing HJSJD#anyway goodnight#my gif#esteban ocon#eo31#alpine#alpine f1#alpine racing#bwt alpine f1 team#castrol#seen through glass#tumblr are you kidding me😭#the quality of these were GOOD i promise#damn it
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#i turn 27 tomorrow and i feel like my life is collapsing in around me#i officially made the decision to take the summer off. which i hate. which means i have to get a summer job#when ive only ever had jobs in academia so my resume looks insane if im applying to work in a bakery or whatever#im just so tired. everything makes me so tired and sad. i still dont kno what im gonna do#im glad my dad is here bc he gets it more than most ppl bc hes also dyslexic and like everyone assumes im fine bc ive got this far#but like at what cost? im doing a job where im set up to suffer. and for what? im doing something so niche and weird#all i can do is more academia. but what if i cant cut it? what if i would b better off getting a epa job or something where i can do my job#and then go home and stop thinking abt it. how do i apply the stupid bullshit i decided to study? i should have done Ecosystem restoration#or something. its just that my dream was to study weird things in weird places and now it feels like that dream is collapsing#which is devastating. im gonna try to come back in the fall and give it a go but like i dunno it feels so hopeless rn#im just so tired. i have no joy. i just want to lay on the floor#unrelated
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thinking about the whole twt scam situation ™ again ough
#monolith mumbles#gonna rant for a min#like main situation sorted fine#then boom 27 yr old mutual of op comes crawling out the woodworks#i did ask a silly question which i apologized for twice and reiterated TWICE. and they then kept yapping and arguing 💀#like erm i think calling an autistic person braindead at ur big age is weird actually#''omfg are you braindead this is a common scam get it through your thick skulls'' first im a tumblr main. second it clearly isnt common#enough considering op got scammed💀#and i still think im justified being put off that nobody (excluding op) noticed the glaring differences in the accounts 💀 and how it was#up for 10+ hours with no one noticing 💀#along with that they tried to frame it like i thought op had it out for me then said i wasnt important enough for someone to target me#because my twt acc has like 300 followers which. clearly i was because the scammer used my art💀#again twenty fucking seven. 27 DOING ALL THIS#after my final reply i ignored my twt main for like 2 days. which someone else replied saying something that started with#''all this happened because you'' then i just blocked them today before reading the rest. and just blocked everyone involved#like if ur mutual is 27 behaving like this i do nawt want to have any interaction with you at all soz. i also didn't get any priv apologies#instead they were pushing how they were innocent and not accusing anyone of being guilty which. its like you were a min ago#u were accusing ME💀 go d#me miffed about not getting priv apologies is me being petty but im 5'4 im never the bigger person so#I'll stay petty actually#anyway blocked all of them for my own piece hope op gets $60 back somehow but i also want 0 interaction based on their oomf
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the biggest problem i have with the psychonauts timeline is that you can not tell me this man is like 27
#LIKE#HE HAS 5 KIDS#2 OF HIS 5 KIDS ARE TEENAGERS#bc if we hinge on the belief psychonauts takes place in the 1980’s. And the deluge happened#‘’20 years ago’’… ok so augustus was a child then bc he doesn’t remember anything weird happening with his mom being replaced#and the astralathe wasnt used on him#ergo he had to be between the ages of like baby to 7 years old… at the most generous… to not remember that#so going off that timeline the absolute oldest augustus can currently be is like… 27????#i refuse he’s literally in his late 30’s early 40’s.#psychonauts takes place in the 2000’s in my heart bc the psychic 6 could not have existed any other decade but the 60’s here#40ish years. that is reasonable. that is a reasonable amoint of time to have the deluge forgotten#ir atleast greatly diminished#rhe ONLY thing that doesnt work in its favor is gristol#BUT!!! He could just be a young looking guy#bc it still makes more sense than the deluge being 20 years ago
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this is so funny to me actually bcuz this is 100% how i talk abt my characters ages. i know what YEAR they were born and i know what rheir ages are supposed to be at the start of the story but i dont actually know when it takes place?? im really bad at math. There was a moment where rainbow was supposed to be 23 and i somehow accidentally made her 17 lmfao
#theoretically it would take place in 2021 bcuz thats when i created my object ocs but the more time passes#the weirder it feels to have it take place years in the past#i considered moving up their birthdays by a few years but like. idk i like their birthdays theyre cute :3#bubblegum is SUPPOSED TO BE 15 and she was born july 2007#watermelon is supposed to be 7 and he was born june 2014#etc etc#starr is 27 and she was born september uhhh 1995 or 1997 i actually dont remember. whichever one makes sense#also that would mean building block was born in 2020 and since she's always gonna be a baby the furhter away we get#it means that she wouldnt have even been born when the story is actually supposed to take place. Like#i know their birthdays and their ages and what year they were born everybody else has to do the math#to figure out wtf is going on because I DONT KNOW#also that means that building block would be a pandemic baby lmao 😭#what was rhe vibe in nigeria in august 2020 during the pandemic. well i say that like it even happened in their universe#which there really isnt any reason for that to be true#it isnt historically important to mention like..... world war two or slavery or whatever. fucking obviously. in the context of objects#it gets messy so its better to just Not#also the months the characters were born really fuck me up bcuz jayden was born in late december#so for most of the first year that they met he would be.... younger than he actually is being born in 2003#but since building's block birthday and exact age is the most important timeline-wise#and she was born august 14th 2020 and she's seven months old when they first meet#then it canonically would take place in march 2021 which was my original intention#bcuz that is the actual date that i first created my object ocs#ANYWAY. boring character age ramblings#but its hard to keep track of so i dont even blame the author!!!! birthdays are weird and hard to keep up w/#when you dont know exactly when your story is supposed to take place#assuming its in a normal-ish world im sure fantasy ocs dont have this problem#txt#object ocs
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i promise i will be around later tonight but for now it‘s going to birthday shenanigans abd a lot of eating cake see ya later homies ☺️
#i‘ve been sick this week thank god i am not sick anymore otherwise today would SUCKKK#but my grandma and i made my favourite birthday cake together so its physically impossible to have a bad day LMAO#anyways i‘m 27 now which feels SO OLD but also doesnt its weird idk how to explain it
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gotta get the monitor mount set up still & theres a few things in the computer that need to be swapped out/rearranged BUT!! IT IS BUILT!!!
for now its name is SPECIMEN
also heres a photo of it lit up :)
#WE DID FINISH IT ON HALLOWEEN BTW although it took until like 1am to get it to connect to the fucking internet lmao#leaving the protective film on until we swap out the bottom fans & that one orange sata cable#so it looks a little weird rn lmao but ill try to remember to take a better photo once its Done done#ignore the gpu fans not running in the second photo we didnt have it plugged in all the way lmAO#this case is huge btw. those are 27'' monitors
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Tomorrow I am wearing the tail I bought myself for christmas out for the first time.
I am terrified.
I will post fit pics if I remember tomorrow before therapy.
#i bought it bc i so badly wanted one and then promptly never wore it out bc i am petrified of other people#so im gonna wear it for a couple hours tomorrow.#it makes me so happy to wear it at home#i have to put it on a belt and wear it like righr under my bra#bc im bad at math and asked for it waaaaaaaay longer than i needed#so if i wear it like a normal belt it would drag on the ground#its so fuckin hard to be 'weird' esp as a trans person who doesnt bind#i want to dress how i want i want ears and fur gloves and a tail#but im 27 and it feels so very not okay
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brb setting myself on fire
#just learned jack hughes' gf and i have the same name#which like. in 27 years i have met one other person named sienna#so i cannot even begin to describe how weird it is to see my name in the wild and its not the color the minivan or the actress#how do you common namers deal with this#s.text
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I hope to be able to communicate. An emotional vibe
[Mirage 28, Story: Stephen Murphy, Pencils, Inks and Letters: Jim Lawson (as far as i can tell and so says the wiki). 1 page each by Eastman and Rich Veitch, not included]
[The style for this issue has a softer painterly look to the duoshade. All panels are horizontal across the width of the page.]
[ID from alt: Two panels, Leo leaning over to look at Raph, who's in profile and glaring slightly downwards. He asks "Care to talk about it?". Close on Raph's face, still not looking at Leo, he says "No." END ID]
ID from alt: 3 Panels. Casey leans over, gripping bridge trusses on either side of himself, asks "Hey bro', What's going down?" Raph's feet dangling over the edge of the bridge, its shadow cast on the water below. Raph says "The River... I suppose..." Close on Casey as he looks down skeptically "Um, Yeah. -- Hey, talk to me Raph. Really talk to me."
ID from alt: Three panels. Raph in profile, gazes down somberly, he says "Can't. You wouldn't understand. You're... You're human. You can't possible understand. Wide to all three of them, Casey has shuffled closer, one hand still on the truss. He says "Say what? I'm what? You can kiss off, Pal." Leo on the other side leans back a bit. "The what about me Raph? Why won't you tell me?". Close on Raph, annoyed now. "You're crowding me Leo, you're both crowding me. -- Don't crowd me." END
^gets sick every time i look at this one (HIGHEST OF COMPLIMENT)
ID from alt: Two panels. Close on April's hand. Holding a small turtle in its shell. Caption box "No... not this time, baby." Raph in the foreground, still upset. April and the other turtles sit along the bridge, all apart from Raph. April still holding the turtle, looks over to him. Caption box "When the hell will he simply accept all that's happened to him?" END
Second caption box references April's line in the 3 issue Raph got de-mutated arc. Which he spent the most time being looked after by her.
ID from alt: Two panels. Raph sitting with his back to his brothers, looking down and upset again. Wider shot shows everyone on a raft, the other turtles sitting and Casey pushing raft along at one end, Raph facing the rear, tense, observing the water. April sits between them, not facing either direction, observing Raph. END
ID from alt: Two panels, nighttime. The group sits around a camp fire, Casey standing to tell a story "-Like so much red white and blue Alpo. See, man, there was this..." Raph stands facing into the dark. Caption box: Raphael stood apart from the rest of us..." Wide of the landscape, moon reflecting on water, surrounded by trees and distant mountains. Caption box: "... And stared intently across the moonlit water." END
ID from alt: April and Raph trying to move an unconscious being, mostly humanoid with amphibious features, their three bodies lit against complete blackness. Raph holds her under the shoulders and says "You take her feet, I'll get her head." April kneels to hold her ankles and says "Thanks, Raph." END
ID from alt: Intricately detailed depiction of one of the aquatic beings while still in the egg, curled with its still developing limbs and large eyes. Caption boxes: I am conceived anew -- And as I grow -- I watch my people wither. END
ID from alt: Wide scene lit by the camp fire. April kneels with the beings head in her lap. Four more of the species approach her and the body. Casey stands back closer to the fire, and the turtles, even further back, towards the shore line. Caption box: They've lost her. END
ID from alt: 1. Two panels. Caption box: ... The only four of their species.... The turtles stand in line, Don, Mike, Leo and Raph, looking over the water, and the four remaining beings heads sink below the water. Caption box. "... just like-" The beings completely unseen now. Raph turns his head, looks behind them.
2. Two panels. Dramatic close up on Raph, looking back. The hint of pupil in the normally white eyes adds to the expressions intensity. Close on April meeting his gaze. Eyes wide with shock. She says a quite "-Omigod". END
ah. i was just gonna tag rant about this its getting way too long. oop
As i said earlier. this was ANOTHER ISSUE that was adapted into 03 during the Leo angst era. so they swapped Raph for Leo.
(NOT MAD ABT IT. i could go on a very long talk abt raph leo interchangeability and every time they've done that in adaptation, and why so many of the raph leo conflicts are about them being so so similar.
and how they are the person the other gets/gets them. and loss of that understanding due to separation or injury causes the blow ups.)
ANYWAY
03 didnt have the events that happened to raph that are referenced here anyway. those being. Raph almost being killed in a drive to solo kill the shredder (which... Leo Does btw) but more importantly admitting to Leo that he feels he has no control, that he cant think through his emotions.
And, again as mentioned, the de-mutation. It took him from weakened, to childlike, too deteriorating illness, until he's a particularly emotive large turtle, and then even less so to a normal smaller and smaller one. And this was caused by a very powerful being that thought he'd be happier that way, after feeling all the guys bask in the water, and be in awe of real baby turtles.
So these are the things he can't talk to Leo or Casey about. And this comic issue is one thats in the mode of "something written by april" like journal entries. And it wouldnt be clear cause i removed the CONTEXT lol. but that is her seeing a vision, from this dying being, of her [the being's] life and history, and its like. not pretty! not good things happening to the extincting amphibious humanoids.
So the lack of control, emotional and LITERAL, over his fate, his body, his being his mind? The things he cant tell his human best friend or his leader and brother. She goes through something impossible, she has no control, she fails at saving this being. And she sees it. And they see each other. And their is not a fix it at the end of that. She doesn't tell anyone else why she gets spooked. Everyone is just standing around each other in the moment, where its all not okay.
#some shit#turbles...#im so so so ill about this. positively unwell.#stephen muphy of the puma blues huh. you dont fucking say (<- extremely poetic indie com about humanity and enviroment)#was trying to let it speak for itself but yes also btw. the fish ppl. yeah listen.#DO YOU SEE. do you see. just motif. he looks to the water and she looks to him. HE LOOKS BACK?#i mean. and not to be biblical or greek classical or honestly. vonnegut-ian? but the way he turns around. to look at her. and how that is#often a thing that seals ppls fates. but it doesnt change his fate. its her. knowing it. in that moment.#it just lights my blood on fire and makes me so so so naw she ous. nauscious. nauseous.#LOVE. when i have to exit the tags for smth to long and. BRO. my syntax. my registre. it gets all different. literalllllly can not help it.#well. enjoy. i said more than i even meant and i meant to say a fair bit.#23-27 are for real for real. the weird comics deserts. there so left field and. need to be chewed on but not really always in a good way.#(i mean non as bad as... 18? the msg one.) so i was taking my tales of break and then. BOOM. this shit. ARGHHHHHH#wifi blogs mirage
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drafting the ao3 post but my tags made me laugh. spot the odd one out:
there wasn't a tag for bad kissing so surprise it is.
#thebirdspeaks#there is a street racing tag but these bitches went out and touched grass for their all-at-once race along some country road#hmm maybe i do need to make that bad decisions tag#this fic has been my nemasis bc i havent ever driven or kissed someone so thats why the actual racing is cut out & the kiss may be weird.#[beyond the normal weirdness of being kissed suddenly by your crush in a moving car as you have only just got out of the driving so we dont#-die mental zone]#also i have helped service vehicles but not for a while so i also skipped over that#its just a mercades bc it sounds like i slightly know about cars than just 'its a vehicle' [its after our old van. rip sadie the sprinter]#lived a long life of 27#longer that Celia will lol
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#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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sometimes i kinda wish mirei wasn't killed off because boy the divorced exes dynamic with majima could've been so god damn funny
#everyones seen my 'if you see my ex-husband at pride' post. thinking about that sort of thing#like yeah i know y5 said they werent exactly on bad terms (though i think that was vague and debatable considering the way she#recounts her backstory with haruka not really painting him in a great light- for understandable reasons mostly dont get me wrong- but my#point is . i think there may have been more passive aggressive animosity lingering in there than what was presented in the romanticized#retelling of the story later on in the game basically). but come on. you cant tell me they'd get along just fine if she were to have lived.#say what you will about her and her intentions and etc but regardless she DID tear kiryu's family apart and guilt trip the SHIT out of him#to do so. knowing majima. and knowing how majima feels about kiryu. do you think he'd be like. cool with that#like if/when he heard the whole story i do Not think mirei's Heartwarming Vicarious Dreams would be enough to excuse the damage she did#and its such a wild coincidence itd be hard not to think- at least just a tinnnyyy bit- that she somehow found majima's weakpoint#(kiryu) and attacked it on purpose out of spite or something.#yeah all that and i think their relationship mustve been inevitably Very toxic and fucked up considering. everything about both of them#especially at that point in time. plus the very weird and not great gap in maturity (18-19 vs 27-28) and all that. no way that ended just#totally chill and amicable. no fucking way. she had fair reason to harbor resentment towards him and i wouldve liked to see that honestly#anyway so i mean you see what im getting at. perfect setup for the most toxic but kind of hilarious divorced dynamic Ever#if she were to ever come anywhere near kiryu again majima would be there in 0.2 seconds to sheild him from impending psychological warfare#rambling#majima#mirei#y5#yakuza 5 spoilers
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just made the most horrible connection
#SO#yesterday i completed day 27 and i was offered a terrible choice:#nothing there#dimensional refraction variant#or mountain of smiling bodies#i chose nt. and he was killing everyone in his cell and being weird as fuck#then i sent yui to work with him#she lives. i go 'how the fuck are you alive'. she goes 'how the fuck am i alive'#today i was like. damn theyre kinda like friends#haha wait oh shit. oh fuck#in-story yui attempts suicide on day 30#its day 28.#she's friends with nothing there.#and as a bonus hates gem (its mutual. theyre not really friends honestly)#can you see where this is going#?
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