#its probably actually been longer than 7 years at this point

[team-pace]

I never uploaded this progress image but here's a new years pic from 2016 and the one from this year!

[hollowdeath]

professor potter

pairing: harry james potter x fem!reader AU (18+)

summary: 2 years after the war, harry accepted a position as a substitute professor at hogwarts and recognized you from his years as a student. old feelings come to the surface as you both try to remain professional to keep his position safe.

content warning: slight teacher/student dynamic (they used to be classmates, reader is 18+), mostly slow burn & angst. smut mostly doesn't happen til the end (masturbation, penetration)

word count: 12.5k

a/n: wrote this for fun between working on requests! thank you to everyone who sends them in, they're so good and i'm excited to post more soon! just another fluffy, angsty harry fic taking place in school w a hint of smut...kinda similar to my last one but thats ok ! as always not exactly book/movie/canon accurate i apologize !

it's your first day of your last year at hogwarts, and you're probably the only student here that's not completely thrilled to be back. young witches and wizards running around you in the halls with their robes dragging on the ground, completely in awe with each other at the architecture and moving portraits.

you have to admit, if hogwarts does anything right, it's the ambience. probably the only thing you'll miss after leaving this year is the magic castle itself, particularly the library and your dorm room, which have been your sanctuaries for the past 7 years. there's just no place in the world, even the wizarding world, you've found, that quite compares to hogwarts.

but no, unfortunately, not even the grandiose castle of every young wizard's dream was enough to make you want to stay here even a day longer than you had to. and trust, you were counting down the days.

there was a lot that went into your disdain for the school. after the war in your 5th year, nothing had been the same. sure, the building was restored to its original form and even had some upgrades installed, but the energy within the walls felt so…unsettling.

it had been more than 2 and half years since then, and most students who remember the war well had either graduated or moved on from it. you, however, continued to feel the effects of it every day.

you've had a lot of personal struggles since then mentally, which affects your social life. you've overheard your friends talking about how they don't feel like you're the same person and you inevitably bring them down. it wasn't long after that they stopped talking to you completely. you didn't bother to rekindle the connection; you were ready to leave this place behind anyways, what was the point in faking a friendship for another year?

even without all that, you truly just hated your classes. you actually used to be a scholar student in your day, consistently making the top of the headmaster's list every year until the war. and you still loved headmaster mcgonagall, of course, you don't think that'd ever change, it was mainly the other professors that gave you a hard time. once you showed signs of struggling and burn out, it was like they just completely gave up on you and moved on to the next eager, bright-eyed bushy-tailed 1st year to dote on.

no matter, because again, you were ready to leave for a variety of reasons. even if you had loved your professors and graduated at the top of the class, you still had no friends to celebrate with. and even if you had those so-called "friends" back in your life, you still felt completely alone with them.

and so you laid in bed, the same bed you've had for 7 years now, retracting the ornate trim on the ceiling like you have a million nights before.

you decided to look back at your schedule once more, floating the paper out of its folder in your bag and towards your open hand. you read through it slowly, but nothing had changed. pretty much the worst line up of classes you've had so far. particularly your least anticipated course, defense against the dark arts.

at this point, you'd had more than enough when it came to the dark arts. those death eaters nearly killed you in that war, and actually did manage to kill too many of your classmates and teachers in the process. you saw your second home crumble in front of you, classrooms you grew up in completely leveled and the bridge burned to the ground, so much death and destruction over nothing but power. you resented the dark magic in this world.

sighing, you set the paper down on your bedside table and roll over, attempting to fall asleep. you have plenty of early classes this year and don't look forward to having to wake up with the sun to make it to them on time.

you're wasting time in the bathroom just before your defense against the dark arts, your last class of the day, when your peace is interrupted by a group of girls who come in giggling and talking rapidly amongst each other. from inside your stall you can't help but tune into their gossip. it's the only thing you could hear and, who cares, you could use some good drama.

you tried to dissect their conversation but they were constantly talking over each other, squealing, giggling, and you couldn't understand a thing. after a few moments of craning your neck towards the door to get a better listen, one girl's voice stood out amongst the rest as she asked, "okay, but, who's going to try and flirt with potter first?" her question was followed by many desperate "me!" "me!" "me!"s, a wave of giggling following.

potter. there's no way…

the bells begin ringing, signaling your next class is starting soon, and the girls go rushing out of the bathroom together. you slowly open the stall door and walk to the closest mirror. pale, like you've seen a ghost.

they couldn't possibly be talking about harry potter, right?

just his name had become plenty famous in its own right. the boy who lived; the boy who lived twice. you hadn't heard his name mentioned in a long time, though that's not hard when you've hardly interacted with anyone here in a long time.

you remembered harry from your years before the war that you had shared with him. he was 2 years ahead of you, so it wasn't often you had the chance to speak with him, but he was pretty much as legendary as one student could be at hogwarts. however, whenever you did manage to have a conversation with him, you always thought he was cute. really cute.

okay, so maybe you had a ginormous crush on him your entire time at hogwarts. but so did pretty much every other girl. but you didn't just think he was cute, you admired his gentle nature and timid personality. despite his heroic and outright dangerous adventures, he was always so kind, so humble…

the bells begin ringing again, meaning you're now late to class. "shit." you mutter, grabbing your bag and stumbling through the bathroom door.

you're jogging to your dark arts class with a racing mind, still wondering why those girls would mention potter's name so randomly.

you turn the corner and see the classroom door is already closed. "shit." you mutter again, stomping your foot. now you have to open the heavy doors and draw everyone's attention towards you, quite literally the last thing in the world you want right now.

sighing, you push open one of the doors, making the loudest noises you've ever heard echo throughout the silent classroom. you walk in and, as expected, all eyes are on you.

you grit your teeth and close the door behind you, making your way towards an empty seat in the middle of the room. the silence lingers as your footsteps hit the ground, trying your best not to make eye contact with anyone. you hear a few snickers and whispers coming from behind, and you can already tell it's your old friend group. you roll your eyes, sighing as you drop your weight into the creaky wooden seat.

you hadn't realized, but headmaster mcgonagall was at the front of the room. you noticed once she continued talking, looking up to see her smiling at you. you returned it. you love how she's always liked you despite your grades slipping lately.

you quickly look back down at your hands as people begin to turn away from you, drawing their attention back to mcgonagall as she continues to introduce the class.

"like i was saying, class, we apologize for the change this semester and hope you'll be understanding of us as we navigate this situation carefully. i suspect you'll all be respectful and courteous to our guest as he donates his time to hogwarts and to you, our students."

you look back up, a confused look on your face. what change? what situation? what guest?

it didn't take you long to connect the dots. it's like everything was in slow motion. the girls talking in the bathroom, the guest, the reason all the front rows of seats in class were completely filled with girls…

"please, class, welcome hogwarts' very own, mr. harry james potter."

all at once, your eyes landed on harry, who had been sitting to the side, obscured from your vision by several girls and a pillar. as he walks towards mcgonagall, eager applause erupt from the girls and the boys offer mediocre claps. you're too stunned to react, watching harry intently as he shakes mcgonagall's hand with that same timid smile.

you can hardly believe your eyes. what is going on? why is he here? and how the hell does he look even better now than he did 2 years ago?

"thank you, headmaster mcgonagall," harry says shyly, turning to the students. his eyes immediately fall on you. you try to convince yourself he's looking just in front of you or even past you, but you can feel his stare into your eyes. its the only thing that breaks you out of your shock.

you blink a few times and slump into your seat, feeling your blood run cold at harry's eye contact. he looks down at the desk he's standing at and shuffles a few papers. you sink even lower into your chair. this can't be good.

"uh, well, hello…everyone," harry says awkwardly, earning some flirtatious giggles from the girls just ahead of you. "it's a pleasure to be here, really, despite the circumstances. uh, i'm sure as some of you know…i've been very close with the weasley family for years and feel devastated for bill– uh, professor weasley, that is," harry corrects himself nervously, clearing his throat and glancing at his papers again.

"and when he reached out to me personally, specifically me out of anyone, to teach in his place for this semester, i couldn't say no to him. so, while it's a real honor to be here with you all, please know it's just for this semester and then professor weasley will be back to continue with the lesson plan in the spring," harry explains, looking around the room yet always letting his eyes land on you specifically with a lingering gaze.

harry goes into the schedule for the semester, the skills you'll be learning, and, well, you can't really focus on what else because you're just completely lost in your own head.

harry potter, the harry potter, is your professor for an entire semester.

you were completely dumbfounded. he couldn't hardly be older than 20 years old at this point. he had only left hogwarts just 2 years prior, yet he looked so different. though the glasses and hair stayed relatively the same, he had matured in the face. a slight beard, defined smile lines, and he'd definitely spent some time in the gym…

seeing him in a button up with his old gryffindor tie on drove you mad. is he really getting you worked up in the middle of class by just standing there? you feel like you're 14 again, staring him down in the courtyard from behind a tree.

it doesn't help that you swear he keeps looking at you. specifically you. his gaze is unmistakable at this point, it can't be a coincidence.

you try to stop yourself from having these thoughts and physical reactions. if he's going to be your professor for an entire semester you have to get over this silly crush that was never going to work out anyway. though you're soon turning 19, it makes no difference if he's working with the school, it would never be allowed…

what are you even saying? as if anything would ever happen except in your dreams. all you're going to do is lust for him until christmas and then he'll be gone again, his name nothing but a spoken legend again.

before you can process all he's said, harry announces that everyone's free to leave once you grab a textbook from him. girls are immediately standing up and running to get in line, and the boys are rolling their eyes as they sluggishly follow behind.

you're inevitably the last one, getting a headache as you listen to girls try to ask harry all kinds of questions for a bit of his attention. he mostly just gives simple answers or laughs them off, referring back to the class or the textbook he was handing them in some way to change the subject.

mcgonagall eventually shoos the girls away, which harry thanks her for in a low tone. he hands a book to each of the boys in front of you before it comes down to you. as the boy in front of you is being escorted away by mcgonagall, you briefly catch harry putting the library card of your book inside the front cover before he closes it.

your eyes connect as he hands the book to you, but he doesn't let go. your heart instantly flutters.

"it's nice to see you again, [y/n]," he says softly, letting the weight of the book fall in your hands.

the way he says your name has you frozen in place. his pretty blue eyes have stayed just as mesmerizing. it takes a moment before you're able to wrap the book in your arms, offering him a friendly smile as you softly reply, "you too, harry…"

you're quickly making your way back to your room with the biggest, cheesiest smile plastered on your face. he remembered you. you had barely ever interacted with harry, only a handful of times as far as you could remember, and you were sure he had completely forgotten about you, or at least forgotten your name. you tried to chalk it up to him having access to the attendance records of the class and reading over your name, but you still felt like a giddy school girl skipping along day dreaming about her crush.

when you got back to your dorm, you set the class textbook down on your desk and went to turn around before looking back at it longingly. harry had just put the library card back in the book before handing it off to you. you were most likely crazy, but something inside you was insanely curious to see if he had done something to the card.

you slowly opened the book and took the card out, a blank piece of cardstock except for a fresh label printed at the top. you sigh, almost putting it back before seeing something on the card catch the shimmer of the light.

you give the card a curious look. you turn it in your hands towards the light, trying to see what's on it. before giving up in frustration, a thought comes into your brain.

no…

you dig into your luggage, still unpacked from the day prior, looking for your old ink and quill. once you find them you come back to the card, setting it on your desk as you open the ink pot. you dip your quill in the ink and touch it to the spot you noticed earlier.

as you watched, the ink collected into letters and numbers, forming a message across the dotted lines of the check out columns. you were stunned. harry actually wrote to you in disappearing ink? you thought you were delusional thinking it was a possibility, but here was the proof plain as day:

[y/n],

hagrid's, 8:30pm

harry

you kept rereading the lines over and over before they slowly disappeared, fading away into the paper. you stood back in pure disbelief. what does this mean? obviously it means he wants to meet with you, but for the life of you you just can't figure out why. you two barely knew one another personally, it had been two years since you'd seen or heard of each other again, and now he's secretly inviting you to hagrid's after hours using disappearing ink? as your substitute professor, too…

from 5-8 pm you mainly paced around your room in both lingering disbelief and unbridled excitement. though you had no idea why harry had invited you out in secret, you were anxious just to be in his presence at his request.

you spent forever deciding on your outfit, feeling a bit silly for putting so much effort into this suspicious rendezvous that you were still clueless about.

sneaking out had become somewhat natural to you over the years. you knew all the blind spots of the castle and could hear a prefect coming from a mile away. you were out of your room and walking down to hagrid's completely unnoticed in less than 10 minutes.

on your way down the hill, your mind is racing with possibilities of what this meeting could entail.

arriving at hagrid's hut, you admire the warm glow of the windows and intoxicating smell coming from the smoking chimney – a mix of wood and garlic. hagrid's pumpkins are just beginning to plump up, his yard scattered with overgrown vines.

as you walk up to the door, a wave of anxiety hits you. knocking seems like the most impossible task in the world all of a sudden.

you steady your breathing, let your heart rate slow, and knock before you have the chance to stop yourself.

a few seconds of some rustling can be heard behind the door before it swings open. harry greets you with a warm smile. no longer dressed for class, harry looks quite adorable in a comfy sweater and baggy jeans standing before you in the hut.

"[y/n], you got my message," he says, clearly impressed. you couldn't believe this was real. he really did leave you that note on purpose. just hearing him acknowledge it made your heart race all over again.

"i-i did," you say in shock, searching his expression for an answer to all your questions. why are you here?

harry gestures for you to come in. "well, join me, please," he insists. you politely smile and enter the hut, the smell of food making your mouth water immediately. "smells amazing in here," you comment under your breath.

harry closes the door, looking back at you with a shy smile. "oh, thank you. it's for us, actually." he tells you, nodding his head towards the dining table.

completely set up with a tablecloth, harry has food plated for the two of you on the tiny table, along with tea still steaming on the stove.

"if you don't mind, of course," he checks with you, his voice soft and unsure. you look back at harry, barely able to grasp what's happening before you reply, "of course,"

he suppresses a grin as he gestures to the table once more. "please," he prompts you. you hand him your bag and jacket before taking your seat at the table, admiring the food he prepared for you. you're still lost in thought when harry asks, "tea?" holding the kettle from the stove.

"please, thank you," you reply. he pours you both cups of tea before bringing them to the table with a smile on his face.

as you're eating you notice a record playing in the corner you hadn't heard earlier. it fills the space nicely as you both take your first bites of dinner. "hope you like it, i wasn't sure what to make," he says nervously.

wiping your lips with a napkin, you simply tell him, "it's lovely,"

after another moment or so, harry sits back in his chair. "so…[y/n]..." he sighs. hearing him say your name like that makes your brain fuzzy for just a second before he speaks again. "you're probably, um, wondering why…"

you stifle a laugh at his stalling, getting a hint of confidence as you interrupt him. "wondering why professor potter secretly invited me to have a home cooked dinner with him?"

harry goes still, his eyes searching your expression as a blush grows over his cheeks. he swallows nervously, blinking and shaking his head before attempting to respond. "u-um, yeah, that,"

smirking, enjoying his nerves, you wait for his explanation with your arms crossed and a raised brow. he clears his throat and diverts his eyes from your gaze. he takes a sip of tea before smacking his lips and looking back at you.

"i just, i haven't seen you…" he starts, eyes softening at you. "i-i know we didn't talk much, but…i always cared for you." the last part was hard for harry to get out, a weight lifting off his shoulders in the process.

you were blushing, but more than that you were sweating. this is like something you would dream about as a kid. hell, even just earlier today…

"when i saw you today…in class…" he seemed uncomfortable referencing that. "i just…a lot of memories came back to me," his hands move with him nervously as he speaks.

he sighs and stands up, his body language clearly stressed. you haven't said a word, you simply can't. what could you possibly say?

harry's facing the fireplace, his head in his hands. "look, i just, now that i'm your professor this semester i just think…" he takes a moment to find the words before turning to you. "i had a crush on you. okay? there. god damn it," harry huffs angrily, rolling his head back as he throws his hands down.

"i had a crush on you for like 3 years, it was stupid, and i don't want it to affect my teaching with you. so…i guess i practically set up a fucking date to tell you this, sent hagrid away for the evening for nothing…" he gestures to the table, sighing in defeat.

you're stunned into silence, to say the least. there aren't words to describe what's going on in your head at this moment.

after a moment harry looks back at you, his gaze softening once again. "[y/n]...please understand i wouldn't be telling you any of this unless i thought there was another way i could deal with it. when i saw you today…it was like i was 16 again," a small smile creeps onto his face before he wipes it away.

"and if i didn't tell you now, it's all i would've thought about when i saw you, so…yeah. there." harry says with a huff, avoiding eye contact with you.

before you can even process what's going on, your body reacts for you. you stand up, walking over to harry, getting his attention off the floor. he looks at you almost with fear in his eyes at how close you are. you sigh shakily before speaking.

"harry…u-um, professor potter…" you correct yourself. "please, just, harry…for now at least," harry insisted, his eyes apologetic.

"harry…" you say, suppressing a grin. "you don't have to worry. really…um, it was definitely mutual, to put it lightly…"

harry gives you a surprised look. "really?"

you roll your eyes, taking a step away from him and towards the fire, enjoying the warmth. "harry, you forget who you are sometimes. essentially every girl i knew had a crush on you at one point."

harry's a little flustered at this statement, also taking a step closer to the fire, and towards you. "i-i wouldn't say that, i was definitely not that lucky back in the day," he jokes.

"so those girls that were practically all over you during class today…?" you tease him. "'oh, professor potter, what can i do to get a good grade?'" you mock their voices, giving him puppy dog eyes as you lean towards him before laughing and turning towards the fire. "is that not luck?" you ask with your arms crossed, a smirk hiding your slight jealousy.

harry's silent for a few moments before you look over at him. you see his eyes dark and fixated on you for just a second before he blinks and shakes his head at you, also turning to the fire. "please. they're children. they crush on any slightly older guy they see."

you roll your eyes again at his denial. "some of them were my age, well on their way to being 19. but, whatever you say."

the fire crackles in front of you two, filling the space and creating a warm glow. "besides…none of them are you." harry says. you look over at him, and he's lost staring at the fire. he feels you looking at him and quickly corrects himself. "i mean, nobody was like you, at least to me, back then…" he trails off awkwardly, wincing at his own choice of words.

you adore his nervous antics. he's just the same sweet, timid boy you remember, except he's a bit taller with a 5 o'clock shadow and looks gorgeous in the glow of a fireplace right now.

"i've really mucked this night up, haven't i? i was supposed to tell you about the crush calmly and professionally, with no inappropriate comments, and send you on your way into the night with your first reading in the textbook…" harry sighs, giving you a pathetic look.

"well…" you start. "your first mistake was probably leaving me a secret note, and cooking me a wonderful dinner," you gesture towards the table. harry lets out a pathetic laugh, shaking his head. "yeah, probably."

you don't know why you feel the need to, but you instinctively grab for harry's hand. he gives you a surprised, scared look.

you try to reassure him with a soft smile. "harry, i appreciate you telling me. i hope it can make this semester easier for you."

harry smiles in return, but it's not genuine. he looks like he's holding back from letting you know how he really feels.

regardless, he invited you two to finish up your food, laughing as you both attempted to resume casual conversation without the awkward air.

surprisingly, the two of you naturally begin to talk up a storm, reminiscing on memories and catching up on what's happened since then. harry tells you about his career as an auror and his experiences that lead him to being able to teach defense against the dark arts. when professor weasley's wife had died of sudden illness, the only person he wanted to take his place was harry.

you're hesitant to tell him about your lack of eventful news, practically hiding your face in embarrassment as you admit that your grades have been suffering since the war.

harry put a reassuring hand on your knee, his chair pushed closer to you. you had both long since finished dinner and just talked, enjoying the fire as harry continued to feed it wood every so often.

you looked up at him, melting at how adorable his tired eyes looked through his glasses. "i get it. trust me." he tells you. his voice puts you at ease, and you don't feel quite as embarrassed as before.

"maybe this semester i could help you. if you'd like, of course," harry offers. you smile. "of course."

as you're slowly making your way towards the door to leave, harry watches you search through your bag to find chapstick. as you're putting it on, he continues to watch you. you sneak a glance at him, his face soft and full of admiration.

"you know, if i may say, in the least inappropriate manner possible…" he says with a laugh, causing you to laugh with him. "you have truly only gotten more beautiful after all this time, [y/n]."

looking over at him, you can feel your face form a cheesy grin with blushing cheeks. "well, thank you, that's very kind," you say, putting your chapstick away and taking another step towards the door. "but, really, i should be saying the same about you."

harry waves you away, but you notice the smile planted on his cheeks. "please," he says sarcastically.

he reaches for the door to open it for you, and finds himself rather close to you by accident. you smile up at him, and he nervously steps back.

"u-uh, thank you for coming tonight, really, even if it was a bit weird…" harry says, an embarrassed laugh following. giggling with him, you take a step outside. "it was nice. but, no more invisible ink. just ask me from now on, okay?" you ask, still giggling at him.

harry shakes his head at himself. "will do."

you give him a warm smile before reaching in for a one-arm hug, resting your head on harry's shoulder for just a second before pulling back. "i'll see you tomorrow, professor potter." 

enjoying the shocked and flustered look on his face, you walk away still laughing, making your way up the hill and towards the castle. you heard the door shut behind you quickly after you left, but could feel harry's lingering eyes following you through the window the entire way back.

that night you're laying in bed trying to convince yourself everything that just happened wasn't a dream. if it weren't for your full stomach and muddy shoes sitting by your door you might've convinced yourself it really was all an illusion. rather than dreading the next day of classes, you're actually excited to wake up as it only means you'll see harry sooner.

though you're not sure exactly why. yes you'd had a friendly conversation with him tonight after he admitted his feelings towards you, which still hasn't quite settled in yet…but what happens now? he's still your professor for the next 5 months minimum, and you both know you used to like each other. harry might feel better getting it off his chest, but you were perfectly fine keeping that secret to yourself like you always had. if anything, now it's the only thing you're going to think about every day.

rolling over, you try to fall asleep without thinking about harry too much.

it had been a few weeks since you met with harry that night in hagrid's hut, and things were going…okay, so far.

well, to be completely honest, you had utterly fallen back into your crush on harry harder than you ever had before.

and you tried to stop yourself this time. really, you did. working with harry in class and then stopping by his office at least 3 times a week for his help in other classes was a lot of time to be spending with a professor, and you rather despised just how fast harry made your heart beat or how easily his eyes could distract you.

so you tried your best to convince yourself it was lingering feelings from your past self, even trying to have a crush on other boys in your year to distract your brain. that failed miserably. none of those boys were attractive or interesting on their own, especially in comparison to professor potter…

but you couldn't fool yourself. you still felt the same butterflies seeing harry now like you did in 5th year. when he's talking to you in the quiet of his office, reading your textbook to you, you feel like the only two people in the world. when he fixes your hands to hold the wand properly, or moves your arm for you in the correct pattern to cast a spell, you can't focus for the rest of class. if his eyes linger on you just a bit too long during one of his lectures, a knowing smile growing on his face, you melt in your seat.

there was no denying it. you liked him more now than you ever had before. maybe it's just the sheer amount of time you've spent with him this past month or so, but your feelings for him had never been this strong in the past. there were days where he was quite literally the only thing you thought about, or at least wanted to think about. though you were doing better in your other classes, it was only because of him. you spent barely any outside time putting effort into these classes because, ultimately, you were completely distracted by harry.

and not just the idea of him, but particularly the growing tension you had noticed between you two recently.

you also tried to convince yourself that this was going on in your head. but there were just too many instances of prolonged eye contact, harry sitting a bit too close to you during your tutoring sessions, and lingering hands on your skin that made you question if harry maybe wasn't entirely over his crush either…

not that you tried to make it easy for him. since the semester started, you've been taking some extra time each morning to perfect your hair/makeup, put on your favorite perfumes on days you knew you'd be close to harry, and would even change your outfit completely when going to study with him outside of your school robes to give you a boost of confidence.

not that you needed the boost. lately you could only feel confident in yourself and nothing less. something about learning your life long crush who seemed so unattainable also had feelings for you, and could possibly still, made you feel untouchable. not to mention that any girl you heard talk about him or swoon over him in class just made you laugh to yourself; they had no idea you were with him alone for hours every week goofing off together as he attempted to help you study.

this confidence made its way into other parts of your day outside of harry as well. you were talking more in class, making a few new friends, even going to parties and outings just for the fun of it. you were actually enjoying your time at hogwarts instead of dreading every day. not all because of harry, but it definitely didn't hurt to consider him a friend.

a friend. a professor. an old classmate. a crush. a temporary fixation. your relationship to harry, in your mind, seemed so complicated and sometimes incredibly frustrating. especially when he seemed to flirt with you so subtly. you couldn't stand the, 'is he, isn't he' thoughts. but, at the same time, it just made you more motivated to push the limits to see how he responded.

of course it started with looking good, enjoying his reaction seeing you each day with a small smile and blushing cheeks. then it was making flirtatious jokes and purposefully giving him innocent looks while he rambled about whatever subject to get him flustered and distracted. and, lately, you've stepped it up by wearing shorter and shorter skirts whenever you stop by his office, and have even caught him looking at your legs a number of times when he thinks you're not paying attention.

all this to say, there was definitely tension.

you had to admit you felt a bit guilty, you knew harry valued his position as a substitute professor and was enjoying his time there, and you would feel awful if anything ever happened to cost him this position. he told you about his crush specifically to alleviate it, and your only goal this semester has been to do the opposite.

but, at the same time, you wouldn't act this way if harry didn't also create tension between you two. he also made overtly flirty jokes and comments, even seeming a tad bit jealous whenever you mentioned another boy during your time together. and you weren't stupid, you could tell when he wore the cologne you complimented one time when you were around or had even changed from his school clothes before you came to see him. there was definitely something unspoken going on between the two of you, but you were both afraid of crossing that line and making things complicated. besides, if anything, you both seemed to enjoy this game you were playing of teasing each other in private and then acting normally during class as student and teacher.

honestly, you found it to be insanely erotic, and were more turned on in class than any other time you were with harry due to the secretive nature of everything. his longing gaze as you walk in, his nervous glances towards specifically you, the shift in his voice from talking to one student to talking to you, it was all so subtle yet in plain view. something about wanting what you can't have only made you want it more.

on this particular day, you had been with harry for over two hours studying for an exam for a class you had been struggling with all semester, even with harry's help. you were frustrated, laying your head in your arms with your textbook in front of you, groaning as harry chuckled at you. 

"c'mon, [y/n], you've got this. i mean, you did just fine on this last practice test, better than you have all semester really," harry comments, pulling the paper out of your folder. you lift your head up, giving him a mean look. "i got a 75. barely." you deadpan.

"yes, and that's better than what you have been getting." harry stated, trying to hide a smirk. you throw a crumpled up paper at him. "stop, that's not funny," you whine, also trying to hide your laugh.

chuckling, harry stands up and walks towards the bookshelf in his office. "look, i'm just trying to be encouraging here," he says over his shoulder as he scans the rows of books.

you try to get back to your work, but you're just so utterly confused and upset that you close the book with a huff and lean back in your seat with an exasperated expression. harry hears this and turns to you, giving you a sympathetic smile.

he walks back over, picking up the book in front of you and setting it in your bag. "here, we can be done for today. it's not good to push yourself past your limit."

you sigh as you push back the urge to tear up. "sometimes i just feel so stupid," you say in a soft, despondent voice, staring off into the window across from harry's desk.

harry's watching you intently, and nearly drops to his knees as he crouches beside your chair and catches your eyes in his. "hey, you're not stupid. quite the opposite, actually." he says with a genuine voice. you look away, still not believing him.

"really, [y/n], and i'm not saying this as your professor. back in school i was constantly listening to hermione go on and on about your intelligence and class rank. she was incredibly impressed and slightly envious that someone 2 years below her was actually providing some competition at this school." harry says with a laugh.

you can't help but blush like crazy at this confession. hermione had been your academic inspiration for all of your time at hogwarts, and even still now despite your declining lack of effort. you'd had quite a few conversations with her in the past about classes and certain books or authors you both enjoyed, but had no idea she thought that highly of you.

mulling over this information in your head, harry continued to grab your attention with a soft smile and loving eyes. "you're not stupid. different things are harder for different people. you'll get there, and i'll help you. okay?" he asks.

you smile back at him. "okay."

slowly packing up to leave, you and harry both take your time to gather your supplies as you chat about your respective plans for the weekend. you casually mention a party you were thinking of going to. harry perks up at this. "a party?" he asks, a twinge of concern laced in his voice.

you give him a look. "yeah, ever heard of it?" you ask sarcastically, laughing to yourself. "i guess it's one of the slytherin boys' birthdays, or something like that," you wave off, throwing your bag over your shoulder. "apparently it's going to be massive,"

harry continues looking at you with a hint of concern. "well, just…be safe, yeah?" harry comments, his voice uneasy. you laugh at him again, looking at him incredulously. "yes, professor potter, i'll be careful," you tease him. you know harry gets a little squirmy when you call him that outside of class, and it never fails to make you feel powerful.

"besides, i heard the theme is dress to impress, so you already know i'm gonna look so good," you joke, flipping your hair dramatically. harry's tenseness breaks, letting out a chuckle. "well, still. just…be safe." is all he manages to say as you walk with him to the door.

saying your goodbyes as you separate down the hall, you can still feel harry's eyes on you until you disappear around the corner.

the night of the party, you were still unsure if you wanted to go. when a couple girls from class saw you and asked if you were going, they ended up convincing you to come with them. so, you got changed into a flashy dress that fit you well, fixed up your hair and makeup a bit, and met them in the courtyard to walk to the slytherin common room together. they obsessively commented on your outfit, telling you just how good you looked and letting you know you'd have no problem finding a guy to snog tonight.

but, you don't want any guy tonight. if anything, you were walking slowly through the hallways hoping by some chance that harry would cross your path and see just how good you looked. but you knew you weren't that lucky.

upon arriving at the party, drinks are immediately pushed into your and your friends' hands. they were right about the party being massive, as every square foot of the slytherin common room was packed with slightly tipsy students of all ages dancing to the loud music. you had barely finished your first drink before your friends dragged you over to do shots with them, wincing at the burn it left in your throat afterwards.

as the night goes on, you're eventually separated from all the girls you came with. not on purpose, some of them were playing drinking games, some were dancing, and one had even left the party with a guy she was completely into. no hard feelings, everyone was just doing their own thing. you had a few shouting-over-the-music conversations with a couple classmates and drank another cup of the mysterious alcoholic punch being served before deciding to head back to your room. you informed one of your friends, who asked if you wanted her to come with you, but you insisted she stay.

entering the hallway is extremely sobering. the loud music and colorful lights made it easy to ignore the growing drunken sensation, but you were now nervously navigating the halls of hogwarts, slightly intoxicated, attempting to warm yourself up with your hands over your arms. you hadn't even thought to bring a jacket, of course, so you were shivering as you made your way back to your room.

not long after leaving the party, you turn the corner and come face to face with another person. a boy a year under you, though you couldn't remember his name or anything else about him. you're a bit startled, not expecting to see anyone else, but politely apologize and attempt to walk around him.

"hey. you were at the party, right?" he asks, stepping in front of you to prevent you from leaving. you're slightly annoyed by him already, but your intoxicated state makes you bite your tongue. "yeah, just on my way back to my room," you try to end the conversation there, taking another step to get around him.

but he gets in your way again, stepping even closer to you this time. "what's the rush? y'know you had every guy talkin' in there tonight? sure would be nice to take home the prize," he slurs into your face, your nose scrunching at his alcoholic breath. god, this kid's way more wasted than you.

"excuse me?" you scoff, turning your face away from him. he tries to put his hand on your waist but you slap it away as hard as you can, causing him to wince and give you an angry look. "i suggest you leave me the fuck alone," you announce firmly, stancing your feet apart as you get ready to defend yourself further.

just as this guy's about to try again, this time his hands going for your neck, a voice from down the hall echoes loudly, scaring you both. "hey!"

you both turn, and it's harry.

"i would further suggest you leave her alone, mr. williams," he announces as he swiftly walks towards you. the kid laughs him off. "mind your business, huh, potter? this doesn't involve you," he continues to slur, looking like he wants to fight as harry walks up to him, chest to chest.

"it does now. leave and you'll be lucky i don't have you expelled or rather arrested for sexually assaulting a fellow student on campus grounds after hours, while intoxicated might i add," harry spits at him, his eyes full of disgust and rage.

the kid falters a bit, but the alcohol still has him acting cocky, getting in harry's face. "yeah? or what," he asks daringly.

you get between them and put your wand, hidden in your dress, against the kid's throat, making him stiff with wide eyes. "touch him and i will gladly get expelled for hurting you in ways you couldn't even conceive of in your fucking nightmares. do you understand? get the fuck out of here!" you nearly shout at the kid, causing him to turn and run.

you sigh a breath of relief, but quickly begin to feel the anxiety return as you bring your wand down and look at harry.

you can feel your body shaking with anger and fear, and also shivering from how cold you hadn't realized you'd gotten. your cheeks were flushed, your breathing uneven, and nearly on the verge of tears. harry's eyes were still angry, but he gave you a sympathetic look. he promptly took off his jacket and wrapped it around your shivering frame, enveloping you in a hug in the process. it's hard not to let the tears flow just a bit as you rest your head in his chest. you felt so vulnerable with him in that moment.

"here, let's get you back to your room, yeah?" harry says softly, turning your shoulders and guiding you down the hall. you realize you had sobered up during the ordeal, your eyes focusing and walking straightening out as you follow the corridors. once harry begins guiding you down your hallway, you slow to look up at him with a curious expression.

"how do you know where my room is?"

harry's a bit stunned by your question, searching for an answer before you began to think more. "and, wait," you stop walking and turn to him. "how did you even find me?" you ask breathlessly. harry continues to look guilty as he searches for an answer. smirking, you pull his jacket on you closer.

"professor potter, if i didn't know better, i'd say you were watching me tonight," you tease him in a flirty voice. "surely that's not the case, is it?"

harry looks around you two nervously, clearly starting to feel anxious for his actions. all you could do was smirk. you knew he still liked you.

harry sighs, avoiding your eye contact with a completely red face. "look, i just had a bad feeling about that party, okay?" he says simply. you continue to stare at him with a knowing look. "i couldn't sleep tonight knowing something could've happened to you. something like that fucking kid…" harry gets worked up just thinking about it again before stopping himself and calming down. "i'm sorry. it was wrong of me, and completely inappropriate."

your smirk drops into a soft smile. you can't help but feel your stomach erupt into butterflies hearing him admit he was watching you tonight specifically to make sure you were safe.

you softly put your hand to his cheek, causing him to look at you. he looks apologetic, concerned, and sad, his eyes searching yours as he slightly leans into your touch.

"thank you, harry." you say just above a whisper, your voice genuine and loving.

he sighs again, a bit relieved, a bit sad. his hand goes for yours, holding it for just a moment before he gives it back to you, letting go as he looks towards your door.

"well," he starts off, his voice cracking. "i'll leave you here for the night,"

smiling, you nod and take a step towards your door. you slip his jacket off of you and hand it back to him with a grateful, warm smile. he returns the smile as you're opening your door and waving goodbye at him.

as you're getting ready for bed, you replay the events of tonight over and over. you imagine harry watching you leave your room without you having any clue, meeting up with your friends, leaving the party in a daze, attempting to escape that guy before harry decided he had to step in and protect you.

you felt a bit silly for ever thinking harry's crush on you had stopped. even his subtle clues weren't very subtle thinking back now. maybe back in year 5 you assumed you were crazy for thinking he was looking at you funny, but now, nearing 3 years later, and learning he's liked you the whole time, you couldn't deny his longing gaze.

laying in bed, you decided you had to properly thank harry in some way for tonight, and you knew exactly how.

the next day, you paid a special visit to diagon alley with a friend to buy something special for harry. when she asked why you would ever possibly buy something like that for yourself, you make up some story about needing it for a class. she doesn't believe you, but goes along with it anyway and continues to have fun with you on your sunday out shopping.

you head towards his office in the afternoon when he usually spends his time grading assignments and working on the following week's lesson plan. you practically had his schedule memorized after coming to study with him so often.

softly knocking on the door, harry lets out a, "come in,"

you enter the office and he smiles at you immediately before it falters, his eyes then landing on the wrapped box in your hands. "surprise," you say with a shy voice.

he lets out a huff, looking back at you with a disbelieving expression. "[y/n]..." he carries off.

"it's just a little something," you say as you walk towards his desk, setting it down carefully in front of him. "a thank you, for last night," you tell him.

his eyes move back and forth from the box to your eyes, not knowing what to say. a few moments pass before he stands. "[y/n], i can't accept this…" he sighs. "what i did last night, i mean…it shouldn't have happened that way," he says curtly.

you tilt your head to catch his gaze, giving him a warm smile. "you did nothing wrong," you reassure him. you gesture to the gift. "please," you insist.

harry's shoulders relax, giving you an embarrassed smile as he slides the box closer to him, admiring the wrapping. "this is gorgeous, did you do this?" he asks, pointing at the sparkly ribbon and personalized name card. you proudly smile and nod your head.

harry admires it for another moment before carefully untying the ribbon and lifting the lid off the box. he gasps at what he sees.

a signed, hardcover, gold leaf detailed first edition defense against the dark arts textbook from his favorite auror. he had talked to you about seeing it at the bookshop but not wanting to spend the money or not having the place to display it or whatever his excuse was. you had taken note of this comment and when you saw it wasn't as expensive as harry had made it seem you knew it was perfect.

"[y/n]...you didn't…" he utters, practically falling back in his chair as he continues to stare at the cover. you giggle fondly at his reaction. "go ahead, open it up," you tell him excitedly. he can hardly move, but he eventually takes the book out of the box and admires it in his hands. he flips the cover open, sees the signature, and smiles. then, he looks at the inside of the cover and his expression drops.

"i had it personalized, if that's okay with you," you ask anxiously. on the inside of the leather bound cover you had a pressing engraved that said 'harry james potter'.

harry's in shock, his fingers running across the pressing softly. "[y/n], this is…" he trails off, continuing to admire the book as he flips through it, landing back on the inside cover, admiring his name once more.

"thank you." harry says, looking at you with so much love in his eyes it makes your heart burst. it was worth every penny seeing him in awe in front of you like this.

"well, thank you," you respond, smiling, holding your arms behind your back.

harry abruptly stands up, stepping around his desk and pulling you in for a desperate hug. you're a bit surprised, your arms wrapping around his waist as he continues to pull you closer and closer.

after a minute or so of the most comforting hug you've experienced outside of last night in that hallway, harry separates from you only slightly to look down at you. your faces are close enough to feel the breath of the other person.

you just want to tell him, 'fuck it, who cares, nobody's here, just kiss me, please, release this tension', but before you can even consider it, harry breaks the silence.

"i still love you," he says so softly, his face wincing as the words fall from his lips. your breath hitches. love?

"fuck," harry mutters, almost stepping away from you until you pull him closer to you, putting your lips close enough to his they're nearly touching. "please. kiss me. just kiss me. please." you practically beg, your hand finding its way to harry's neck.

"[y/n], we can't, i can't–" "just once, please, maybe it'll stop if we just, please…" you interrupt him, hoping he understands what you're implying, your noses rubbing together.

harry takes a few moments before practically whimpering as he connects your lips to his, wrapping you in his arms tightly. you immediately melt into him, letting the kiss consume you as your hands pull harry closer to you.

it only takes a few seconds before harry has you up on his desk, his hands gripping your ass under your skirt. the cold of the wood on your exposed skin makes you gasp, and harry's tongue quickly slips past your lips.

it's everything you imagined, and the fact that this is happening in his office is just making you even more turned on. you had played this scenario in your head so many times, and it hardly felt real once it was actually happening. and on the desk you spent so many hours at, pining over him and fantasizing him taking you like he is right now.

after a few minutes of making out and needy groping through your clothes, harry pulls away breathlessly. opening your eyes you see he's completely flushed, his hair slightly messy as he nervously takes his hands off you.

you awkwardly clear your throat, your hands falling to your sides and resting back on the desk. harry takes a step away, straightening his tie and fixing his hair. you hop off his desk and adjust your skirt.

the silence between you is awkward, but there's just nothing to say. the kiss only left you wanting more, of course, it was pointless to ever hope it would quell your feelings in some way.

"well," harry begins, his voice shaky and quiet. "that didn't work."

you let out a nervous laugh, coughing to cover it up. "yeah…sorry." you mumble.

harry sighs. "no, i'm sorry. i'm technically your superior, i shouldn't be doing this to you. leading you on, flirting with you, for fuck's sake, following you around after hours…"

you shake your head. "look, i'm not kissing professor potter, okay? i like you, harry. i've liked you since i was 13. i don't want to ruin your position here either, and i'll stop if that's what you truly want…" you choke up just a bit before swallowing it back. "but, just, please, stop blaming yourself. i want this, too."

the silence returns, harry clearly thinking over what you said as his eyes stare off beside you. you're anxiously shifting your weight, watching his face get lost in his own thoughts.

"i can't risk this job," harry says finally. "i don't give a shit about the money, pay me everything in the world i would still want you…" he mumbles. you feel your stomach drop at this sentiment. you want him so, so badly. but… 

"but…" harry says.

you smile at him sadly, knowing what's coming. "i can't let down bill, or mcgonagall, or any professors or students here who may actually still like me," he says with a dry laugh. "if we ever got caught, and i just know we would, and what would happen to you…i just–" "i know, harry," you interrupt him, taking a small step towards him.

he smiles at you sadly as well. "and i agree. it's not worth it. well, you're worth it, of course…" you say shyly, diverting your gaze before continuing. "but, it's too risky. you deserve to finish out this semester without that hanging over your head, y'know?"

harry stares at you lovingly, no attempt to hide his adoration for you in this moment. "you're truly incredible. you know that?" harry comments softly.

you respond by blushing and crossing your arms. he hums softly, his smile taking over his cheeks. "thank you, really, for everything, if things were any different, i wish…" harry stumbles. you smile at him again. "i know."

harry returns to his gift, admiring the book in his hands over and over before putting it on the bookshelf next to his desk. he admires it there for a while as well before thanking you again.

as you're getting ready to leave, harry stops you for a moment. "if you don't mind, i'd still love to help you in your other classes. and, just, remain friendly in general still, if possible…"

you melt again at his soft demeanor. harry's such a sweetheart it's heartbreaking. all you want is to kiss him again. it's all you've wanted since he stopped.

"of course."

it's the end of the semester, and you have mixed feelings about it. on one hand you're dying for a break from classes. you've done the best you have in years this semester, and it's exhausted you. but you're incredibly grateful, for a lot of things. your new friends, your rediscovered love for hogwarts and magic in general, your overall improved attitude and mentality.

with special thanks to a certain substitute professor…

harry. this semester was definitely a rollercoaster for you when it came to harry. though, towards the end, things fell into place a bit more as you both accepted and embraced your odd, yet effective routine. professional student-professor relationship in public; smitten, teasingly love-sick old classmates in the comfort of his office walls. nothing further than lingering hands, loving stares, and the occasional compliment towing the line of what's inappropriate and what isn't.

though the dynamic wasn't ideal, you grew to love it for what it was. a simple, longing love that wasn't exactly unspoken anymore, but sure felt like it each passing day as you both pretended that kiss never happened.

that kiss. you swear you think about it every day. you long for harry to grab you like that again, to slip his tongue past your lips again…sometimes, late at night, it's all you can think about. sometimes just the thought of it makes you need to touch yourself, remembering how desperate he was for you, the feeling of his lips on yours, sitting on his desk in his office, just the image of it from outside of your own perspective could bring you to your orgasm alone in your room.

to say you were anxiously counting down the days until classes were over and harry technically wasn't employed with hogwarts anymore was an understatement. though you hadn't spoken about it with him, you felt it was okay to maybe consider that he would want to continue things further with you once his substitution was over. you kept your guard up as you knew he could still be uncomfortable with it while you were a student in general. but a large portion of you was practically praying that wasn't the case. you physically couldn't resist him much longer.

you were staying on campus for christmas this year, mostly just to savor your last holiday here, but also to continue seeing harry if possible.

it was the last day of classes, and you learned you passed all your exams with flying colors. you showed up to dark arts class early to inform harry excitedly, and he congratulated you with the same level of excitement.

"i knew you could do it! i told you you were smart." he beams. "i am so, so proud of you, [y/n]."

you want to hug him so badly, he's helped you so much this semester, you wouldn't have cared enough to try and get these kinds of grades without his guidance. but it's too public, and the risk is too high, so you just settle on an awkward high five and laugh emptily.

as other students walk in, you both pretend the moment never happened, and you sit in your seat without looking up from the floor.

the class is simple and rather uneventful as it's mostly everyone's last class of the semester. harry actually hands out christmas cookies hagrid made for everyone, and they're mediocre in taste, but the designs are so adorable you can't resist finishing it.

harry gives you all a speech thanking the class for trusting him to teach this semester, and for being respectful of him and professor weasley's lessons. he talks about how he's always thought about being a professor, but actually ended up despising the paperwork, and just missed his old job, which caused the class to chuckle with him.

he dismissed everyone with a happy christmas, specifically towards you, of course.

your heart aches a little as you leave the classroom and head to your room. you're going to miss harry as a professor, even if it caused complications in other aspects, it was inspiring to see him be so intelligent, helpful, and supportive in class. of course you were biased, you always found him to be amazing, but something about watching him teach a young wizard how to do a spell correctly for the first time just made you admire him so deeply.

you decided to rest for the night, knowing harry would be here for at least another day to collect all his items and clean the classroom up for professor weasley. you could talk to him then, what exactly about you weren't sure just yet, but you knew you had to tie up these loose ends before they drove you mad.

the next afternoon, you're practically one of the only students roaming the halls. most everyone leaves the first day of break to go home, and by christmas there's only a handful of students left.

arriving at harry's office door, you admire it one last time. your little sanctuary away from the world.

you knock, but to your dismay, there's no answer.

you knock again, a bit louder, but still, nothing. you decide to peak in, and notice how barren the desk looks from afar.

fuck. there's no way harry's left without speaking to you first.

you quickly walk to the dark arts classroom just down the hall, hoping he's cleaning and organizing it, but find it empty and dark. your heart sinks. he's gone.

you slowly walk back to your room, deciding you'll grab your coat and visit hagrid to see if harry's with him there. you try not to let your disappointment overcome you, there's still a chance you could talk to him…

entering your room, you immediately head for your coat rack by the window. you start to slip it on when you hear your door close, knowing you left it open on purpose to quickly leave.

you turn around, and it's harry.

you gasp, immediately dropping the coat and running to him, jumping into a hug. he laughs at your reaction, but embraces you nonetheless.

"hi, love," he says softly, resting his head on top of yours. you could hardly contain yourself at the pet name. it communicated so much to you with so little effort.

you look up at him, barely able to believe what's happening. harry looks at you knowingly. this unspoken tension. it was going to be the death of you.

as harry begins leaning in, you crash your lips together with his, immediately engulfing him into a heated, wanting, needing kiss.

harry's more than happy to give in to you. it's clear he's thought about this just as much as you have. he finished all his professor duties as soon as he could so he could officially, finally, be yours.

you guide harry to your bed, pushing him onto it as he gives you an impressed look, clearly intrigued by your repressed desperation.

you crawl onto his lap, immediately pulling him back into the kiss. harry's hands are all over you, finally, after fantasizing about it every night in this very same bed for months.

the kiss is desperate, full of moaning and getting sloppier by the minute. harry's squeezing and slapping your ass so hard you whimper in his arms, your hands gripping his button up tightly.

"fuck, [y/n], need you so bad, please," harry moans into your kiss, his hands sliding up your back. you reach to take your shirt off, left in just a bra and tiny skirt, as you start untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt.

harry's staring at you with hunger in his eyes. "do you even understand how badly i've wanted you? you and these fucking skirts, you must think i'm stupid." he growls, pulling at the hem of your skirt. you blush and stifle a giggle, overwhelmed with how insanely hot you found this to be.

"think that's funny? you think it was funny when i had to stand in class all day and not stare at your perfect legs through your robe? anytime i gave a lecture and just looking at you turned you into a needy slut," harry grabs your hair, turning your attention to him as he unbuttons the rest of his shirt with his other hand. "was that fun for you, hm? did you enjoy teasing me all semester?"

you can't say anything. all you can do is nod. you were so turned on you could hardly think straight.

"i bet it was," he says, examining your desperate expression, his words dripping with desire.

he pulls you in for another kiss, and you help him take off his shirt. his skin was warm, soft, and his shoulders were broad. you moved your lips to his neck, leaving an obvious bite just below his collar to finally mark what was yours.

harry groans, his hands reaching behind your back to swiftly undo your bra. he helps pull it off of you, marveling at your chest. "beautiful," he tells you before attaching his lips to your skin. you hold his head against you, savoring the feeling and sight of harry leaving hickeys along the soft skin of your boobs.

his hand cups one softly as his tongue circles your nipple, watching you through his glasses as you melt into his hands. "harry…" you moan, your hand running through his soft hair.

he continues, starting to suck on your nipple softly with closed eyes, his other hand pulling up your skirt to feel your wetness through your panties.

you immediately whimper and lean into harry's touch, desperate for this for so long. "f-fuck," you stutter breathlessly.

harry smiles, taking his lips off of you to look up at your blushing face. "so wet already," he smirks.

you cover his face with your hands, embarrassed, giggling, continuing to further lean into his hand for pleasure.

he laughs and removes your hands, his eyes full of lust just looking at you in his lap.

"i need you, now," he insists, pushing you further onto his growing erection through his slacks. you let out a breathy moan feeling just how hard he is already. he's just as desperate as you've been for him.

"is that okay?" he asks carefully, watching for your reaction. you laugh a bit. "please. i've waited long enough." you joke.

you help harry take his pants and boxers off, as well as your skirt and panties, leaving you both naked in your room.

he sat back down on the bed, and invited you into his lap again. "just like this is perfect," he says, guiding your hips and admiring your body as you sit with his cock between you two, your eyes barely able to look away from it.

harry pulls you in for a kiss, his hands traveling over your body and stopping at your pussy again, his hand feeling just how wet you are. he moans into your kiss along with you and begins to slip his fingers inside of you, slowly, letting you react to him.

harry pushes further and further into you until you're practically riding his hand, your kiss barely kept together with you bouncing, desperate for more. "please," you insist, your hand gently grasping for his precum soaked cock.

harry smiles, gently pulling his fingers away before letting you guide yourself onto him. slowly at first, you enjoy the feeling of harry's cock stretching you open, whimpering as he watches you intently, his hands supporting your hips. eventually you feel yourself take him completely, your hips flush with his as you start to slowly grind your hips up and down.

harry's a mess, barely able to hold himself together just watching you adjust to his cock. your face twisting in pleasure, your soft whimpers, the tight feeling of your pussy squeezing around him, it was almost too much already.

"fuck, baby," harry's moaning, his hands gripping your hips for sanity. you can't help but giggle, you just love seeing him like this for you after dreaming about it for so long. he's so lost in pleasure already, his jaw slack and eyes dropping.

"i-i'm already, fuck [y/n], you're just so," harry can barely get the words out. hearing him moan your name so filthily motivated you to move your hips quicker, letting your tits bounce in his face as you continued to pick up speed.

"fuck, fuck, fuck," harry's panicking, you can tell he's already trying to hold back his orgasm. you find it extremely hot just how quickly you can bring him to this point. so hot it brings you closer to your orgasm with him, putting your hands on his face to look up at you.

"you feel so fucking good, harry," you tell him, your head rolling back in pleasure. he's in awe of you, his eyes memorizing every single inch of you as you continue to ride him.

"please, please, can you, um…" he takes a second between his words to moan. "please, can you call me professor potter…" he asks, clearly embarrassed by the request.

you rub his blushing cheeks between your hands, his question only making you more turned on. you loved knowing he was just as into the teacher/student dynamic as you had been.

"your cock feels so…so fucking good inside of me, professor potter," you moan, resting your forehead against harry's as you slow your pace, thoroughly enjoying the feeling of him.

harry's eyes roll back, sinful moans escaping his lips as his head falls forward, watching you ride him slowly as he begins slightly thrusting up into you. he looks back up at your eyes, exasperated. "i'm gonna cum if you don't stop," he quietly warns you, clearly feeling a bit guilty at his eagerness.

you smile. "please, please cum for me professor. i've been such a good girl for you this semester, haven't i?" you tease him. 

harry groans pathetically. "so, so good," his eyes are closed, his face twisting with each thrust. "then cum for me, please, give it to me," you beg him, your hands gripping his shoulders as you feel your stomach tensing from your own orgasm.

harry's eyes pop open, his gaze on you softening as his hands find your waist, gripping onto you desperately. "[y/n]..." he moans your name again, and you can feel yourself tipping over the edge. your pace becomes a bit slower as your legs start shaking.

harry moans as he starts to spill inside of you, the warm sensation fueling your orgasm as you both hold onto each other tightly, riding out your highs together.

after a few moments of slow grinding and weak kissing, you carefully stand up from your position on harry's lap. you guide him to your bathroom, where you help each other clean up, with a few more inevitable kisses and longing hugs along the way.

you get dressed into different clothes, and offer harry some as well. he declines, instead putting his clothes back on as he tells you he has to bring all his supplies back to his house.

you help him button his shirt back up and tie his tie before pushing yourself to ask the dreaded question you didn't want to know the answer to.

"so," you say softly. "what now?"

harry looks down at you lovingly, but he isn't quite smiling. "well, i'm no longer employed here," he states. you nod your head slowly, allowing him to continue.

"so, while it's not technically wrong, i'd still like to try and take this off campus, if possible," harry chuckles.

you give him a surprised look. "you want to see me again?" you ask quietly. harry can't help but laugh at you, kissing your forehead as he holds your cheek.

"you have no idea," is all he says before he leans in for another kiss, holding you close, knowing you're finally his.

[apoloadonisandnarcissus]

Let's talk Galadriel x Sauron Sexy Times (Freudian symbolism)

@rey-jake-therapist inspired me to write this, and then a few other users started to question about it. Buckle up, this is going to be wild.

According to Tolkien legendarium, can Sauron and Galadriel "do it"? The short answer is: yes. As long as Sauron is in physical form, it's entirely possible. And he can even get her pregnant, too (but it would cost him). Not only that, but they might have already done it back in Season 1, actually.

The long answer is more complicated. Why? Eldar customs, probably decreet by the Valar. I already talked about this shortly in this post. Tolkien’s writings about wedding, love and sex among the Eldar (Elves) can be found in “Morgoth’s Ring, Part III. The Later Quenta Silmarillion: (II) The Second Phase: Laws and Customs among the Eldar.”

Right away, Tolkien makes a distinction between Elves and Men: according to him, Men are horny as hell. Elves not so much: they like sex (the act): "the union of love is indeed to them great delight and joy." Casual sex is a no; and for the Eldar sex = marriage. So much so, that a couple is considered married if they exchange vows to the Valar (Tolkien never specified these vows, only that Manwë is mentioned) and have sex (no feast or celebration required): this usually happens when the couple is in flight, and exile, and wandering. 

All textual evidence seems to point out that the purpose of this act is to have children: 

“. . . the act of procreation, being of a will and desire shared and indeed controlled by the fëa [soul], was achieved at the speed of other conscious and willful acts of delight or of making. It was one of the acts of chief delight, in process and in memory, in an Elvish life, but its intensity alone provided its importance, not its time or length: it could not have been endured for a great length of time, without disastrous "expense" . . . it is longer and of more intense delight in Elves than in Men: too intense to be long endured.”

Elves, usually, don’t have many children (Fëanor being the exception: he had 7 sons), because they spent a lot of both their body (hröa) and soul (fëa) creating them, and Elven pregnancies can last from 1 year up to 100 years (wild). They don’t need a magical pregnancy test, because both parents know when a child was conceived. This date is also the day they celebrate their birthdays (and not the day when they were actually born). They also don’t have children during war time.

The eternal bond (= marriage; because divorce is forbidden) between Elves happens during sex; when they have sex for the first time their bodies and souls become one (= “union of souls”), and it’s a more intense physical and spiritual experience than for Men. Elves who have not had that union together have not yet established that incredible bond.

After children, the Elves also lose interest in having sex all together, and devote themselves to “higher pursuits”. Meaning, once children are born, the couple is now celibate: with the exercise of the power (of generation), the desire soon ceases, and the mind turns to other things... they have many other urgues of the body and of mind which their nature urges them to fulfill.

According to Tolkien, "Elf libidos" only last for a period of one to several hundred years (in their immortal lives). And they look back at the memory of this time with nostalgia. By nature, Tolkien writes that the Elves are seldom swayed by the desires of the body only, but are by nature continent and steadfast. Meaning: they are able to control their urges.

Now, here's the catch.

Sauron, being a fallen Maia of Melkor, doesn't care about any of this. He doesn’t follow the Valar rules, and he hates the Eldar.

In "Unfinished Tales", Tolkien does point out Galadriel as an exception to all of these rules: Celeborn was the lover of Galadriel, who she later wedded. Again, Tolkien doesn’t goes into details here, so we don’t know if “lover” was purely romantic (kissing, for instance) or full-on sexual, really. Either way, it’s been established in “Rings of Power” just how “alien” she is among her kin, overall. And she is a rebellious spirit, going against Gil-galad, her High King, on several occasions, and against the Valar themselves.

Well, she ended up marrying Celeborn after him being her lover, but they only had Celebrían thousands of year later, though. And “Rings of Power” also created another question mark here, because Galadriel only mentions her husband one time: he saw her dancing, they got married, he went to war, and she never saw him again. In the lore, Galadriel and Celeborn, being royalty, most likely had a feast (ceremony). So… does this mean that in “Rings of Power” canon, Galadriel never had her “union of souls” with Celeborn? And that explains why she fell in love with Halbrand/Mairon?

In the lore, we also the have the “little” detail of Elves only having “libido” for a short period of time in their immortal lives.

This is sexual awakening right here. We’ve seen Galadriel being proud, strong-willed and rebellious, but in this scene she looks like a “teenager” (even though she’s thousands of years old, already). Mairon made her speechless with that look. And we also see Galadriel flirting with him after this.

But in “Rings of Power”, Sauron and Galadriel had their “blood marriage ritual” too, and this was their “union of souls”.

Now, we need to look at what Tolkien created in his legendarium: where sex = children, and, most likely, any sexual act that goes against that is frowned upon (consider a corruption to Eru’s creation).

But Mairon, being corrupted by Melkor, doesn’t have any problems in indulging in sexual acts what don’t result in any children (conceiving a child would also cause him to bind himself to his physical form at the time, and he probably doesn’t want that). Galadriel herself isn’t on the mindset for children, also, and she already rebelled against the Valar, herself.

Tolkien estate said no sex scenes, but we sure had a lot of sexual innuendo going on between Galadriel and Mairon, ever since Season 1:

First with Halbrand aka Repentant Mairon: with whim Galadriel had her “sexual awakening”. He pulls her out of the water, and she’s pretty much naked before his eyes. I already wrote a post about the physical attraction between them, so I won’t get into that here.

Freudian symbolism is associated with sex representations, and was developed by both Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung (dreams can reveal a person’s deepest unconscious wishes and desires), but it has been widely used in pop culture and cinema to illustrate several ideas.

Why is this sneaky bastard grinning about?

Well, in Freudian symbolism the mouth is also a symbol for the female genitals, while the spoon is a phallic symbol. The act of eating symbolizes sexual intercourse (= interaction between male and female symbols). What’s why Mairon is grinning: he’s fantasizing all kind of sexual scenarios here.  

In Freudian Symbolism, knifes/daggers/lances/swords (any object resembling the penis in shape or that can be used to penetrate the body and cause injury) are phallic symbols. Meaning, they represent the penis. An erection (in which the penis raises itself against the force of gravity) is usually represented in connection with an air element (it can be ballons, airplanes, missiles, rockets, flying, snakes, etc.).  

The Freudian symbolism behind this scene? Mairon has a boner, and Galadriel is touching it.

Recently, this scene has been talked about a lot (in reference to Celeborn being called a "silver clam"), but that's not the only symbolism happening in here:

The Númenórean smiths tease Mairon, and ask him how close is he with the "she-elf." This Maia is eating ("sexual intercourse") clams, here. Worldwide, the clam is a clitoral symbol, meaning it represents the female genitalia. What does this means? Eating Galadriel out is, probably, what Mairon wants.

Jealous Mairon peacocking for dominance:

Galadriel is right in front of his salad handling all of these swords (phallic symbol). And he wants to assert his dominance, here. The only “sword” she’ll be handling around here is his. And he’s the best at it, too.

Then, in Season 2:

Right off the bat, Sauron is using a snake themed armor. In Freudian symbolism, the snake is also a phallic symbol, representing sexuality, temptation, and erection; and also repressed sexual desires. Sure this is meant to illustrate him as the "great deceiver", but it’s possible to “kill two birds with one stone”, and he only uses this armor in this particular scene.

Now, we have to forget the fight, and concentrate on the dialogue and the symbolism here. 

It has already been noted by many fellow fans that this fight is meant to illustrate Galadriel and Sauron history in Season 1 (the places where Sauron injures Galadriel). And I agree: the entire fight scene was Sauron taunting Galadriel with their shared past. 

Fighting tactics speaking this whole move is very strange. Symbolically, it's pretty much on the nose, as they say: a crown (clitoral symbol) penetrating a sword (phallic symbol) = sexual intercourse. And Sauron does this very aggressively and right in front of her face. Then, he spins the crown and one sword in on his shoulder, and the other on Galadriel’s = they are joined.

Want details? Galadriel is on top (just like Tolkien intended), and then Mairon becomes “the lost king who could ride you” to finish.

And then we have Sauron sounding his most aroused and unhinged yet, while saying these words, with this expression on his face: 

The next dialogue is Galadriel accusing him of everything between them (back in Season 1) being a lie, and another of his illusions. To which he replies (with Halbrand’s voice): 

Then, enters Halbrand: he speaks to her almost whispering, a bit breathless, too, like a lover, and Charlie puts emphasize in two bits of his dialogue: “at your side” and “that feeling”.  And the expression on his face: Halbrand looks desperate, tormented, yearning and nostalgic.

Which makes me ask the question: if this fight is meant to illustrate their past history... does this mean that these two have been sexually intimate already!? 

Where, you might ask? In Eregion, of course. Where we have Mairon naked on a bed being healed, and both he and Galadriel stayed there, according to Elrond in 2x01, “for weeks” (which might suggest a whole month or more).

Some time after his “healing” and being working with Celebrimbor, we also see Mairon getting “touchier” with Galadriel, and whispering on her ear. What changed? When and why did he got so comfortable doing this?

We, the audience, assume that Mairon goes immediately to Celebrimbor’s forge after he wakes up, but is that true?

Celebrimbor asks him “shouldn’t you be resting?”. This can imply he had already awakened from the healing and he should be getting some rest instead of wandering around. And Galadriel, being in love with him, would surely want to be in the room when that happens. But he’s searching for her, instead. And the last scene we saw from Galadriel, was her and Elrond in the room where Mairon was being healed by the Elves.

And this is when they start to look at each other more passionately, too, like actual lovers (and not "just friends"):

Not only that, but he was already planning on forging two rings (surely, one for himself and other for Galadriel). In Elven tradition, the betrothals exchange two silver rings (in this case it would be mithril).

This would also provide a new layer to Sauron commanding his (new) Orcs to destroy Eregion right in front of Galadriel, to get a reaction out of her. He’s petty like that.

This could also explain Charlotte Brändström’s words of how Halbrand “really seduced her”, and how much in love with him Galadriel is.

Galadriel heartbreak on 1x08 and Season 2

Galadriel went through all seven stages of grief in Season 2, concerning Halbrand aka Sauron. We saw her crying or on the verge of tears. She was heartbroken, believing she was deceived, and all that she experienced with Halbrand was a lie. And she wanted to kill the motherf*cker, all by herself, until the bitter end. Do you have something to hide there, Gal? She even thrown Elrond under the bus with Adar in 2x06 just to get a chance to do it.

It has been noticed by some fellow fans, that Galadriel would, often, touch her lower stomach whenever having visions from Nenya, and we saw her planting seeds, too. This highly implies fertility. Now, this doesn’t mean she’s actually pregnant, mind you! But it can symbolize previous sexual acts.

It’s also worth mentioning that, in Freudian symbolism, jewels (such as rings) represent a beloved person.

What is Galadriel so afraid of? Wasn’t Halbrand “only a friend”? 

When Sauron appears in 2x08, Galadriel is absolutely terrified, unable to move. She’s not scared of him, per say; she dreads that he might still be on Halbrand form, and she isn't certain on how she would react to that. But he’s in Annatar form, and she doesn’t have any emotional connection to it. Still, she’s only able to attack him when he had his back turned on her. And then, her expression when she sees Halbrand is very telling:

Sauron and Mirdania

Of course the “great deceiver” who manages to “deceive even himself” got himself a Galadriel doppelgänger when he returned to Eregion to put his “rings of power” masterplan in motion. And he only gets touchy with her whenever he thinks of Galadriel.  

He also disposed of Mirdania when Adar arrived at Eregion (with Galadriel herself on a cage).

This whole business with Mirdania is something physical on Sauron’s part, because he sees the resemblance with Galadriel. And the fact that he touches her so tenderly is interesting to say the least, because (1) we’ve seen Sauron hating being touched throughout Season 2 (even by Mirdania herself), and (2) he’s an immortal spirit from the Unseen world (Maia); he doesn’t actually have any of these needs... Unless he's remembering touching Galadriel herself, and his sexual desire for her.

And what's the last injury that Sauron inflicts on Galadriel on their 2x08 fight?

Full-on penetration. And he doesn't go gentle with it, either. And it ends with him literally ejaculating (blood) inside of her (chest), aka blood binding.

This is pretty much what Tolkien wrote in “Unfinished Tales”, except the lover here is Halbrand/Mairon/Sauron, and he wants commitment (marriage).

Galadriel denies him in Season 1, and again in Season 2. And then, he forces them to bind together, all the same. This could also explain why Sauron was so certain she would actually bind herself to him, in spite of all the evil stuff he has done in Eregion. 

And we have this “lovely” description of Sauron during his war with the Elves (which will be Season 3):

Now Sauron's lust and pride increased, until he knew no bounds, and he determined to make himself master of all things in Middle-earth, and to destroy the Elves, and to compass if he might, the downfall of Númenor. He brooked no freedom nor any rivalry, and he named himself Lord of the Earth. A mask he still could wear so that if he wished he might deceive the eyes of Men, seeming to them wise and fair.

Sauron’s lust will know no bounds in Season 3, good to know. He already bore a hole in Galadriel for the rest of him to slither in, so, only Eru knowns what kind of mind palace shenanigans will he be up to… symbolically.

[binniebakery]

lights off

College AU Bestfriend!Beomgyu x Gn!Reader .. not exactly fluff! kinda suggestive? ♡ Warnings: thunder? rain? ig being in the dark? my first time writing kissing .. my first time actually writing ANYTHING so it might be bad im so sorry guys ♡ A/N: this is my first little fic (if you could call it that)! i literally hate it but i think i got the point across LOLL regardless i hope someone will enjoy please lmk what you think <3 lowercase intended + not proofread ~

7:32 pm. sighing softly, you placed your phone that was softly playing your favorite tunes back down on the small table over your lap. you tapped your pencil on the table in frustration as you once again for the fifth time readjusted your legs on the bed of your best friend's bedroom. time was going by excruciatingly slow and it didnt help that this math problem was taking you a million years to solve. the sun had already set outside and heading back to your dorm seemed less favorable by the minute. hearing a soft shuffle from the other side of the room you looked up at your best friend. rain began to patter outside. looks like you'll be staying for longer than you intended. beomgyu, who had his deep-colored headphones on was moving his head to the music as he wrote down notes from his study guide. his hair softly wrapped around his features most attractively. you began to mentally trace the lines of his nose, his eyes… his lips.. the dim lighting of the room adding more charm to his aura. "y/n..? are you okay? i could feel you burning holes into my head." beomgyu said as he shook off his headphones to fully put his attention was on you. snapped out of your daze, you mentally kicked yourself as you felt embarrassment creep onto your cheeks. how long had you been staring at him for..? "sorry gyu. if i was staring i didnt mean to" you softly laughed, trying to seem nonchalant and cool about the situation. beomgyu, seeing your embarrassment, chuckled at your reaction. "youre okay, i know you look at me because im cute" he grinned and you rolled your eyes. "oh shut up! you know i was daydreaming. i cant focus on this assignment anyways, its too hard. i think im gonna just finish it tomorrow." you smiled as you threw a pillow at him. he was always cheeky when he had the opportunity. anything to see you react. "daydreaming? so you do think im cute?" he grinned wider after recovering from your pillow attack. you huffed and placed the table that was on your lap onto the ground. "you know youre so-.. ugh and what if i do think you're cute?! what would you even do about it, huh?" you retaliated as you sat on the edge of his bed, now fully facing him. you faked a pout as you were feeling a bit bolder than usual today. your homework giving you enough pent-up rage to have the energy to give in to his bickering.

"okay well i dont know how much truth there is to that but if you really meant that id probably kiss you." your eyes widened at his response. you see beomgyu's face turn into an unreadable expression. he hadnt realized you were only half joking and fully meant the compliment, but it was too late and by the time he caught wind that you were actually flustered he felt his stomach flip. even he was shocked by his own words. he slipped. had he said too much? after a few seconds of silence that felt like minutes. the rain outside seemed to get louder. his eyes finally met yours and you looked away. you felt your heart pounding at the thought of you saying too much. both of you overthinking the situation and awkwardness that you both never have had before taking place. you and beomgyu have never had an awkward moment like this. normally you both laugh things off but this time felt different. "you trust me right?" his voice sounded sincere. this tone was rare for you to hear from him but you knew immediately he was being genuine with his question. "h- huh? yeah of course.. why?" you responded. "okay well.." you noticed beomgyu was now fiddling with his headphones, it seemed like he was turning all the gears in his head to get out what he wanted to say. "y/n.. theres a chance you may have not been telling the truth but if you were- look regardless if you meant it, i meant what i said." you could feel your stomach turning. he hardly flirted with you but when he did it always felt different from his usual teasing. you never said anything though, in fear of ruining your friendship. yet you always thought about what it would be like if he also returned the feelings you felt.

the room's atmosphere seemed to change. suddenly you were both hyper-aware of his neon led light being the only source of light aside from his computer. your playlist had stopped and the silence felt unbearable. in one swift move, he stood up, and turned off the led light on his wall.

the room was a lot darker now, his computer screen's light being the only way of telling you what he was going to do next. you watched as he plopped down next to you. he was so close that you could see the slight tinge of pink on his ears. your senses began to be filled with the light scent of his cologne. "i.. look- the only way i can say or do this is if the lights are off- im not trying to be weird its just you make me so nervous.. i cant look at you." he mumbled as he looked at your hands resting on your lap. it was so dark and both your hearts were racing. "gyu.. " was all you could muster with his hands now softly on yours.

"can i…" beomgyu began as he leaned in closer, only centimeters away from your face. his eyes staring intently into yours. he had this look of pure admiration, nervousness and love. it was all too surreal. realizing what he was asking, you silently nodded as you stared at his lips. he pressed his forehead on yours, the thick tension in the air causing your body to tingle in anticipation. as you felt his hair softly tickle your features from him leaning in, your lips connected. he kissed you oh so softly as he held your cheek gently. your hands, as if moving on their own, were softly placed on his arms. his lips softly moving along your own. he was patient. it felt as if he was waiting for you to respond, unsure if what he was doing was okay with you. you moved your head to the side slightly to deepen the kiss, causing him to sigh. it was all he needed to know you felt the same. his hands moved to your waist as you settled your fingers into his long hair. softly pushing him towards you to intensify the kiss. all that could be heard was the rain outside aside from the soft exchange of sighs and hands roaming. "ive liked you for so long.. you have no idea.." he began between kisses. it was all passionate, slow, and tender as if he was handling you like glass. his hands pulled your waist impossibly closer to his. he separated first, leaving you craving for more. "trust me, i liked you so much i was so scared you didnt feel the same way despite you teasing me the way you did." you chuckled as you pecked his cheek. "you drive me insane.." he softly spoke. "y/n, every time i tried to say something.. my brain just went to mush.. its so bad i swear. i could only be this confident with the lights off.." beomgyu laughed as his eyes began to trail your facial features. he was admiring every curve and feature, and at that point, both your faces were impossibly red. "gyu.. can you just.. kiss me again..?" your voice came out hardly a whisper. "i like you so much i feel like im going insane from the way you just confessed." he smiled fondly at your words and nodded, leaning in once again. as soon as your lips touched you could both practically feel the electricity pouring through your bodies. as if on cue, thunder struck the moment you connected again. your arms wrapped impossibly tight around him, slightly tugging and playing with his hair. his arms remained at your waist, slightly circling over the shirt you wore. you could feel the warmth of his fingers through the fabric.

his tongue slightly swiped along your lips for permission, and you parted your lips in response. having his tongue explore your mouth had your brain going numb. time felt like it had stopped, with just the rain as your only witness to the quiet whispers and confessions that only you two could hear. when you both finally were running out of breath, you separated with beomgyu looking into your eyes. you stared back, lips equally as glossy as his. "are you.. going back to your dorm yet?" thunder struck once again, as if responding to his question. you smiled. "its raining a little too hard dont you think?" beomgyu chuckled, realizing how silly his question was. "yeah. youre right, i think you should stay." you bit your lip as you pulled off each other, both of you immediately missing the warmth. beomgyu shook his head fixing his now fluffed hair thanks to you as he ran his fingers through. he then stood up to turn the led light he had turned off previously back on. "so.. how about we watch a movie?" he spoke as the light clicked. you could almost burst into laughter from the question given the events that just happened a minute prior. give it to choi beomgyu, your best friend, to turn a situation less awkward by simply being his charismatic self. the personality you fell for since day one of knowing him.

"sure gyu, but.." you trailed off, shy about what you were about to say next. honestly, could this get any more awkward? "yeah?" he turned to you and tilted his head in that attractive way he does. "leave the lights off." you looked at him with a shy smile. he flushed at your words. and for the last time again, lightning struck. "yeah.. lights off" he replied, led light clicking once again.

[dorkydegeneracy]

I would agree with your points except, if TM is to be believed, this was a last minute switch from Ravi, so there’s no dedicated raising the stakes planning. This is just him doing whatever because he feels like it (see the disaster Vertigo plot line that will likely never be properly addressed, at least in terms of the Chris of it all; also the Hotshots plot overstaying its welcome and the switch of MJW’s character away from the arson plotline in case TM wants to bring him back). If this was going to be done right, they would have done proper narrative signaling, and they failed that. They could have removed Bobby last season with the heart attack. Doing it now was slapdash and has fomented quite a bit of wide reaching ill will. Killing Bobby might have been inevitable, but the way this was handled just points to how this show runner has almost literally lost the plot. Also, bsfr, there’s no way this show is ever going to be the destination for folks in search of a serious drama. One made up word: Bee-nado.

Fair enough.

With the Ravi of it all, I think all of that is because Tim has a really hard time pulling the trigger, which is one of the reasons why this shows production schedule is as crazy as it is. I am sure that he wrestled with actually following through with it until the day of filming, which is why he had Ravi as a backup in a sense.

But I do think that killing off Bobby Nash is something that Tim has been contemplating for a long time. According to Peter, they began having discussions about it 3 years ago. So while I do believe that Tim contemplated killing Ravi off, given all of the info we have now, I think the whole reason Ravi's character was in that position was because Tim is too chicken shit to commit to a storyline until the very last minute. Which is not a way anybody should go about anything in their personal or professional life. It's a big flaw that Tim has always had, and the people he works with just agree to because Tim is a relatively big name in TV.

And I am not here to determine whether there was "proper narrative signaling," but there have been many things surrounding Bobby's character that, in hindsight, hint at him not being around much longer. His season 7 storyline started with him settling his affairs before his season ending NDE. The Hotshots storyline had several phrases indicating that the main character was killed in the show. Again I am not going to try to convince anyone that they were "proper" that's up to you. But there was definitely some signaling (for example, many people probably think reaching for something that happened in season 7 is a stretch since that storyline is now settled. I get it. I feel wishy washy about it myself, but it definitely suggested that Bobby might not be around forever).

And yes, I do not mean to suggest that 911 will be turning into some sort of prestige drama, but I do think that when shows last for as long as this one does, they go through changes in overall style and feel, and for some reason, Tim thought now was the time to change the tone of the show. At least for a little bit. I'm sure once the characters have room to grieve we will get back to the silliness that we all love about this show.

So yeah. I don't mean to suggest nobody should be upset about the decision that Tim made. But I don't think that it is fair to say that Bobby's death is nonsensical. Imo Bobby was never intended to be on the show forever. I just wish the storylines would flow more seamlessly than they have been. Which is honestly wishful thinking on my part because this has always been a problem.

[scorchedthesnake]

All There Is.

On March 7, 2011, I arrived fairly reluctantly to a dilapidated block of 27th Street and queued up for some show my friend John O’Malley was working on. All I knew was that I was going to “chase sexy dancers around a warehouse” or something like that, and it all sounded ridiculous. I couldn’t have known then that my life was about to be changed: that I was going to find the synthesis of many of my niche intellectual interests; that I’d fall in love and have my heart broken, repeatedly; that I’d gain an appreciation for an entire new wing of the arts; that I’d make friends who would reshape my heart and my life; that I’d launch into a social media venture that would secure me a major career change. What if I had known any of this would happen?

It’s incredible to me that nearly fourteen years have passed since that day. Fourteen years is longer than any romantic relationship I’ve had, longer than any job, longer than any program in a university. Longer than my time in a cult. Other than swimming, which I’ve done for 35 years, it’s the longest commitment I’ve ever had to enthusiasm for anything. And it strikes me as especially incredible because at the outset, it was likely to be a very, very temporary thing. A six-week limited engagement, to test the waters and hopefully succeed enough to fill out the first lease, so there were long-term ambitions, but by no means was radical success guaranteed. But as the Boston run had prefigured, the show indeed hit at just the right time, and just the right place, and became electric. 

Why It Worked

As we come to the end, I want to think for a bit about precisely why that happened. Over the past year, there’s been some space to debate the reasons for Sleep No More’s success versus the alleged failures, or at least disappointments, of The Burnt City; and what this might mean for the possibility of Life and Trust repeating the achievements of its predecessor. The opening of Life and Trust has also opened some debate over which entities can most appropriately lay claim to the credit: the creative partner, Punchdrunk, or the producing partner, Emursive. It’s clear that you don’t get a nearly 14 year smash hit without an extremely productive relationship, even if it is, and always has been, replete with tension and conflicts. That creative tension is probably one of the very ingredients of success, as the artistic vision must be brought into balance with a sustainably profitable operating plan.  

But to think that elements like “great choreography” or “murky narrative” or “efficient management” are really behind what made Sleep No More a phenomenon is to both drastically miss the point and bark up the wrong trees. The conditions for Sleep No More’s success, in my view, are the combination of two main elements: first, the concept of the intellectual property itself; and second, the timing of the show’s opening into a specific cultural and media environment.

When The Burnt City opened, early audiences felt like something was missing. In my review I wrote that

“desire is not a currency here. At SNM and TDM, there is a sultry suggestiveness amongst the characters and between them and the audience. At The Burnt City, everyone is too busy being dead, being robots, being dead robots or sacrificing their children to uncaring gods to have much space for suggestive glances and come-hither looks.”

It remains clear as day that the allure of Sleep No More, and its lasting value as entertainment, stems from, frankly, its sexiness. The show was unrepentantly horny from minute one – and, it has to be said: not because of its nudity. The nudity, in fact, is found in some of the least erotic sequences in the show. The atmosphere, however, is sexually charged and ready to pop: that it never really does, that the “orgy” is more violent than sexual, that the sex is mostly suggested, or suspected, is the actual magic here. 

Naturally, this has led to some real difficulties over the long run. On the one hand, audiences, well removed from just immersive enthusiasts and Shakespeare nerds, took heed of the motto “fortune favors the bold” and did some reprehensible things; management was slow to support and better protect performers from the worst of these offenses. Further, the culture of sexual expression in 2011, libertine and aggressive coming out of the preceding recession, gave way, in concert with generational change, to newer, more conservative attitudes. At launch, Sleep No More was a millennial playpen; it now lives in a Gen Z world, alongside films devoid of sex, opposition to sexual content as some sort of impediment to plot, and the anodyne world of the reiterative superhero industrial complex. 

But sexual suggestiveness is what made the whole place sizzle, whether we like to confess that or not. Sure, the worldbuilding is engrossing, the dancing frenetic, the soundscape exquisite – but this whole time, people have been going for vibes. And the vibes, especially in those crazy first few years, were laced with the possibility that sexual adventure could be right around the corner – even when, the whole time, it really wasn’t. As a byproduct of the tension between the art and the entertainment of it, it’s extremely flattering for us as fans to act like we are unmoved by our erotic imaginaries and only compelled by our allegedly higher aesthetic and critical impulses. The broad success of the show – its ability to cater to people other than us nerds – and the party culture that has accompanied it, show this to be an error. 

It’s why The Burnt City just wouldn’t last – a beautiful and meaningful show for sure, but not very fun. Not sexy. Life and Trust suffers from this a bit less, but has another problem that Sleep No More never had to contend with: it’s not cool. And this is the thing that really made it possible for Sleep No More to run and run and run: it was, and is, extremely cool.

How SNM got to be cool is the big question – it was certainly by design, but relied massively on timing, luck, and the right media mix in the launch period. First, it had novelty on its side. Very few people had ever seen anything like this (sorry Boston, you’re not people! But at least in this case, for once, you were definitely tastemakers). Second, the show relied at launch on word-of-mouth and celebrity interest, using principles that we now understand as influencer marketing. Remember, at the time: Instagram was only a few months old and not yet ubiquitous. The show cultivated a reputation as dark, sexy and mysterious, and the mask meant the famous could go along for the ride. In those early days I remember: Leonardo DiCaprio, Orlando Bloom, Paris Hilton, Matt Damon (standing in line like a normie), Elijah Wood. Lauren Ambrose walking up and inquiring about entry. It was only a matter of time until there was critical mass of celebrity exposures for it to hit headlines, and sure enough: Neil Patrick Harris’ long excited rant on Regis and Kelly marked the show’s true arrival. Smartly, there weren’t even ads. There was barely a presence on the major social media platform of the time (Facebook). This wasn’t a show for plain people, it was a show for people in the know about what was cool and unique in New York – and that mythology of scarcity and exclusivity worked wonders.

By comparison, on the day ticket sales launched for Life and Trust, there were a couple hundred immersive theater geeks lined up at Conwell Coffee House to buy them. That’s not a fault of that show – the media environment is completely different now; the Coffee House was smartly pre-launched and pitched to influencers to build interest and intrigue, but: without the novelty factor, this has all had a dull impact. Is it cool to anyone to know what “another mask show from the producers of Sleep No More” is, in the year 2025? Hardly. Whereas SNM had its wheels greased, Life and Trust has an uphill battle for cultural relevance and mindshare. At least The Burnt City had a long-cultivated community of Punchdrunk die hards in place for it, and as the creative side, a certain amount of house loyalty that Emursive now has to earn on their own.

This Fandom

The relationship of Sleep No More to its fan community, is, obviously, a topic I care a great deal about. I have never been part of a fandom before. I did not intend to create a fan community of any kind when I launched this blog, and fortunately we had other early Tumblrs that took on that role. The great beauty of the early years on Tumblr was that the platform allowed each enthusiast to create whatever kind of appreciation worked best for them. In my case, the joy in that came from curation and collection. Others showcased beautiful fan art, others wrote vivid recaps, others answered questions and cultivated community. And, importantly, Tumblr allowed everyone to do so at whatever periodicity worked best for them.

I can’t take credit for the idea of being a Sleep No More fan on Tumblr. That is owed to whoever it was that created fuckyeahsleepnomore (remember when the archetypical Tumblr was named in that format, fuckyeahwhatever? Fuckyeahpaulzivkovich, fuckyeahwillseefried, fuckyeahnatecartershair, we could have driven it into the dirt if we wanted). Some of the things I did on this blog became paradigmatic conventions of being a fan on Tumblr: pick a name with some textual significance to the show; write some stuff; repost from the tags and try to find other enthusiasts. I think the other thing that happened, significantly for the emergence of our fandom, was that my proximity to the show strengthened the notion that being an online friend to the show could gain you access to the people involved.

I came into my close relationship with the production through a mixture of early arrival, connections, a certain amount of goodwill from the blog, and, it has to be said, some gay men’s privilege. Jenny Weinbloom spotted me early as a frequent visitor. John O’Malley facilitated some introductions. My pre-Scorched essay “A Sword Between Banquo and Me” made the rounds over email. After my fourth show, I became really comfortable talking to performers, particularly after the Saturday late show when everyone gathered in Manderley until 4am. When the first round of new cast arrived, it included two people I had previous connections with: I had met William Popp at a swim practice, and my best friend had worked with Tony Bordonaro on a soap opera. We were all young gay New Yorkers and our lives already intersected substantially. So it didn’t seem so weird that we were at parties together outside of the show, occasionally hanging out, and having very casual, friendly relations.

In those early days, there were basically no boundaries, and the kind of access early fans had to the show and the performers would really stun fans who’ve come in since, say, 2016 or so. It was magical, and problematic. No one really knew how to navigate being at the epicenter of a cultural phenomenon, and the early fans were along for the ride. As dancers, the cast weren’t particularly attuned (and neither was I) to the vicissitudes of Broadway stagedoor fan culture, and to the extent that crept in slowly, began to make plain how unsustainable that chummy closeness was; more recently, conventions of East Asian fan behaviors, gifting in particular, has also come over. All of this feels alien to me, but I think the lesson there is that 2011-2013 was just an extremely abnormal time, a kind of whiplash from the sudden fame of the show (which did not, directly and personally, extend to its cast, whom the show kept extremely shrouded).

Sleep No More learned how to program for loyalty very, very late in the game. The Salons, which I’ve been to, and the roundtables, which I have not, have been really wonderful gestures toward community engagement that would have been unthinkable in the early years, and Ilana Gilovich deserves tremendous credit for championing and moderating these events. In my own personal case, I’ve had small but meaningful gestures over the years: the invitation to the MIT Media Lab experiment, some helpful assistance from the Box Office (though not here at the end!); a warm welcome back at the end of my long unemployment. But the chief benefit of being a fanboy was never anything that came from the production, it was that I made friends of performers and staff, and that gave me a currency in the early and middle years that I greatly enjoyed. It’s almost fully spent now.

Tumblr’s deletion of pornography largely killed the platform, and the latter generation of Tumblr fans gradually moved into the Second Age of their fandom like I had when this blog first concluded in 2014. Over the past year of repeated extensions, permit issues, and complicated preemptive mourning, I’ve dipped my toe into the new homestead of Sleep No More fandom, which is now on Discord. Whereas Tumblr was petty and cruel, the Discord tends to be prudish and overprotective; but these differences are generational as opposed to platform-oriented, and are the product of a fandom reacting to a different kind of relationship with the admired object than what we had in the early years. The Discord is also deliberately and explicitly communitarian, which is something else extremely alien to me, and very much the opposite of the egotism of the Tumblr era, but has been a great comfort for its participants through a year of confusion and uncertainty. For my part, I have found peace and joy in seeing the fandom grow well beyond me and develop mores that I just don’t understand. That means progress has come along.

My chief regret over all the years is the tendency of fans to be excessively deferential to the show. Far too eager to not offend, far too unwilling to criticize. It’s okay to say something isn’t good, or that you don’t like a performance. It may shock people to know this, but in my one conversation with Maxine Doyle, she herself commented that the show had not been good that night. It happens, and it’s useless to shine the apple of pretending otherwise. Nor do we get points for white-knighting for Emursive’s miserable management, or trying to rationalize terrible creative decisions like axing all the Manderley characters. Our fondness for something is well-reflected in our ability to articulate flaws, errors and poor choices, and I wish we had all been better about this all along. 

What it all meant for me

The Discord’s moderation has suggested that it will be deleted some time after the show closes; and so Tumblr’s longevity in the post-porn era is truly its most astonishing feature. This means that, barring another upheaval or change of ownership, this blog will endure on the internet as a relic of what Sleep No More was. If you go back to the beginning and read it forward, you will get the fragmentary tale of one very naive, overenthusiastic ex-academic moving to New York City and living out his own little Bildungsroman inside an immersive theater production. I am really pleased that so many of you came along for the ride, and that these confessions of my younger self – embarrassing as they often now are when I look back at them – can do a good job of telling someone why Sleep No More meant so much to so many people.

Over the past year, I’ve tried to add more detail to my personal experience of the show, and be a little more upfront about what was going on than I could be at the time. For as much as I wish I could claim to be an extremely intellectually even observer of the show and the culture around it, I feel it’s more fair to reveal that in fact, the main driver behind much of my love for this show was that I met a boy, he broke my heart, and I stuck around to let it really scorch me. None of this diminishes what the show meant; is it not the very essence of the show itself? “And then one day, he went away. And I thought I’d die. But I didn’t. And when I didn’t, I said to myself, is that all there is to love?”

Somewhere, back in the day, in an interview I know I listened to but could not possibly source, Felix Barrett said something along the lines of: every visitor to the show should fall in love at least once while inside. And I think he’s absolutely right, and I think every single fan of the show, in their heart, has done so. Hopefully not with the contours of my own experience exactly, but it’s the essence of it. I know I am compelled by powerful scoring, dramatic lighting, dynamic movement, and intelligent intertextuality. But I fall in love with a kind and gentle heart, and a generous spirit that is on a journey and eager to share it. And I encountered quite a few of these over our many years together in the hotel.

I’m also acutely aware that this blog itself played a major role in giving me the life I have today. The job I landed in 2014 was a corporate social media role – one that I landed in part by talking about the work I had done on this blog. I also talked in the interviews about my enthusiasm for the show, and how it had given me a sense of meaning, belonging, and purpose to my intellection. I talked about the struggle my year of unemployment had been with unvarnished honesty, and my manager later told me that was what had clinched it. I learned the kind of storytelling I did in that search here, on Tumblr, talking about this show.

For nearly fourteen years, thinking and writing about this show, and this mode of performance, has been the most satisfying intellectual enterprise I have ever engaged in – far better than all that grad school. I could not have known at the outset that this is where all my critical faculties would be fully engaged, or that several of my obscure interests, my fondness for Arthur Schnitzler or for Thomas Mann, would be extremely relevant. Now, as we begin to look forward, I know that this activity does not end here with the closing of the show. I hope to continue, both in remembrance of what we all experienced, and in anticipation of successor productions in this format, to think and write about this kind of immersive theater. The difference will be that the mask will be off, and I will be writing as Evan, not as Scorched the Snake. 

Saying goodbye to fourteen years of Sleep No More means saying goodbye to several full chapters of my life, and to all of my life in New York City thus far. It is saying goodbye to earlier versions of myself, to someone who was afraid to have to push his way through a crowd, afraid to talk to strangers in bars, afraid to gaze deeply into someone’s eyes, afraid to express desire. To someone not yet open to all the range of creativity that this show and its people have introduced me to. To someone who did not yet know all the brilliant and loving souls who made it all possible. But I am happy to say goodbye to those versions of me; the one I am now is so much richer, so much wiser, so much more connected to a beautiful world than I had ever been before. 

We have had such a wonderful time. The show’s closure is about to tear a giant hole in my life, my habits, and frankly, my personality. I cannot wait to figure out what I will do to fill that void, what insanely enriching and engrossing thing I will feel pulled to next. If there is one paramount lesson of this whole experience, it is that my enthusiasm for something will take me on great voyages when I trust it. We all now just have to trust it.

In just a few days, we will gather for three nights of celebration of this world we’ve made and shared together. In the early hours of Sunday, January 12, we will each exit the McKittrick Hotel for the last time, stepping out into the cold of night, but not into darkness. The streets of town, paved with stars, will glisten and glow before us as we walk away toward our next adventures, forever changed, and permanently enchanted by our friends, our loves and our losses.

“How strange it was, how sweet and strange, there was never a dream to compare.”

[dinglefu]

Some Speculative Biology

So I lack any congruent designs and ideas for 096, but I had this tad bit concept where he isn't exactly human and only shares similar phenotypes to them. Otherwise, he is his own genetically constructed species. His characteristics might change in the future whenever I'm like redesigning him.

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Species Name: Simia nix glaber

Species Age: 3,000,000 (NC)

Species Status: Extinct

Population: 1 (NC)

Members Recorded: 1

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Scp-096, regarding the information above, is documented to be the only member of the Simia nix glaber (hairless snow ape). However, despite his species' name, he has shown to be significantly different and is only categorized as an ape due to his rather ape-like anatomy.

Here are some of the attributes similar to that of an ape:

His arms, or wingspan if you want to get fancy, is around (estimated) to be 6-7 feet long, whilst his actual height is 8'7".

His head is proportionally longer and larger than his human counterpart, with a smaller cranium and elongated, sloped features; eyebrows are also more prominent and define the shape of his eyes.

He has a heavier muscle to fat ratio than humans, which means he doesn't float when he goes into bodies of water. Bone density is also significantly heavy due to its durability and withstanding effects when under pressure or attacks.

And his hands and feet have an opposable thumb closer towards the upper knuckles, and have been used to scale rocky, mountain regions and rough terrain with surprising ease.

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However, here are the differences that make it rather difficult to put him in the range of ape:

His bone density is considered one of the heaviest in the animal kingdom, including humans. The impervious surface and flexible ligaments within the joints make it impossible to break, bruise, or tear. It also determines why he's much heavier despite his lanky, bony appearance: around 450 lbs.

His diet is of a hyper carnivorous predator, consisting of only bloody meat, bone, and fatty tissue. He primarily hunts humans and sometimes animals, however, it doesn't affect his metabolism and he never seems to change weight. He avoids eating anything else outside of "hunting".

His levels of stamina, endurance, and also sheer ability to track down prey is impossibly high for a biological species of Earth; to the point where he is considered more of an anomalous entity than actual animal.

The ability to suddenly gain self awareness and consciousness, as well as interpret human languages and context easily, makes him a profound subspecies of human. Some animals show these characteristics, but 096 shows a level of "intelligence" of a 30 year old man.

He also just doesn't have visible genitalia and doesn't show any innate drives to mate with anyone; it's unknown why he doesn't, even to him.

He also has hidden mandibles in his mouth, which shoot out whenever he's hunting or upset, or even yawning. They are slid in and lined up next to the top teeth, the front appearing as a large canine fang, and also disguised as his bottom teeth. However, they're only noticeable if 096 shows them, as the prominent fangs are hidden behind the sides of his mouth.

(Look at image below to see a closer version of his mandibles)

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But also, the reason his eyes are usually depicted as fully white is because he has a second protective membrane that covers his eyes. This usually appears when he's hunting, but when he's tired, you could probably see it attempt to appear.

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I don't know what else to write to be honest, but I'm glad I got this out of my system lmao; I'll add more later if need be! :)))

[atreyucannamos]

So, I realise I haven't summed up the last few days.

I couldn't convince Praya to call off the duel. That hurt... a lot, but I sure as hell wasn't going to back out of it. Since she'd challenged me and four of my classmates who just happened to be standing nearby at the wrong time, she had the right to call in additional kuirassers to even the numbers. This included a number of Stone and Sand lackeys, a man who in the spirit of equanimity I shall decline to name, and Praya's fiance.

Oh, yes, Praya has a fiance - the Count Argo-Laurent of the House of Sand. That was news to me - uncle hadn't even bothered to tell me, and I suppose nobody in the family was going to go out of their way to keep me up to date either. As to the man himself, I think speaking my full mind on him would violate the College's code of conduct, so I shall confine myself to saying that I don't like him and I don't think they're a good match.

As for my team... well, I refrained from discussing them before, since I didn't want to bring down any additional misfortune upon them. Now, though, given the fact that we're officially a unit now, there's no longer any point in hiding it.

I... made some friends! First I've had in ten years. They all read this blog, so I will be courteous and cautious with my words.

From left, we have Lady Tuera Ashama of the House of Smoke. She's our electronic warfare and countermeasure specialist, and she pilots a . She's got a fair number of medals, from which I deduce she's probably the one of us with the most actual combat experience.

Then there's Lord Caelan Frostfounder of the House of Stone. He's our primary CQB operator, and I believe he uses a heavily modified IPS-N Raleigh variant? It had a name I couldn't even begin to pronounce. He's not what I expected from a fellow member of the House of Stone, but not for the reasons you might think - honestly, I'm far more surprised that he respects me even knowing who I am than the fact that he looks like a giant wolf that walks on two legs.

In the center, there's me - El-Ahrairah, the "Prince of a Thousand Kingdoms." Hah!

To my immediate right is Lord Delamar Leonasius of the House of Sand. He pilots a Harrison Armory Tokugawa that he pushes to the absolute limit of its tolerances, and occupies a role I would describe as "flexible combatant" - sometimes he's up close, sometimes he's at a great distance. Argo is a cousin of his, so we were both going into this fighting family.

At the right end is Lady Persephone Helsing of the House of Smoke. She's from a scientific background, and she was piloting an experimental mech for this fight. She's really sweet, does card readings as a hobby and is an augment like Caelan.

The duel was... brutal. We were outnumbered 7-to-5, which by College rules isn't supposed to happen. We had to come together as a team at the last minute simply because the four of them had been named alongside me in the summons, and we were unfamiliar with each others' tactics, loadout and combat style.

To make matters worse, I was still getting used to an entirely new frame, Assembler, which I had to switch to because my personal kuirass is still impounded by Throne Karakiz Customs and Excise because the paperwork my family was supposed to submit three weeks ago still hasn't been submitted. I still don't know what Assembler even is; it purportedly belonged to another student from the House of Stone, but almost all of its logbook is encrypted.

All I know for sure is that it's a drone control platform, and an incredibly unorthodox one. The moment I took it onto the field and put it into combat mode, it flew apart into about twenty distinct flock elements. It has no conventional armaments; instead, it has specialised nanoassemblers that flash-print disposable projectile weapons on the fly - kinetic impactors, explosive pellets, even single-use chemical lasers. Sometimes, using its systems makes me feel like my bones are turning into knives and tearing through my skin.

So while I was getting used to all of that, Persephone lost her mech to an ambush from Argo and one of his cronies - she did give him one hell of a kicking, though. Meanwhile, Caelan and Delamar had to take on Praya while one of the enemy operators was throwing out some intense ECM - but fortunately, once they took a few knocks, they punched out and the battle turned a little in our favour.

I was able to clear out some of the chaff, the dogsbodies Praya and Argo had hauled along, easily enough. I'm not ashamed to admit it, though - I froze when I had to take on Praya. She was piloting this brutal colossus of a mech that seemed to shrug off every blow it took from us. It took Delamar nearly blowing out his reactor to take her down - but he did it. Cut her mech clean in two.

Argo tried to drop Delamar afterwards, but between the remaining four of us, we took him out and brought down the final lackey to clinch the win. It was a hard-won fight, and we paid dearly for it, but as Delamar pointed out to me - we walked off the field down a mech. They walked off the field down every mech.

I don't know how things stand between me and Praya now. At least whatever matter prompted this duel is resolved, and... well, now people can see we're not pushovers. And I think I proved something to myself - despite everything, I do deserve to be here.

In the aftermath, we decided that if we weren't a team before, we are now. We even have a name: the Lunar Falcons.

For the first time in a very long while, I feel something like optimism. I desperately, desperately don't want to jinx it... but I think I remember how to hope again.

[intothedraft]

Chapter 7: The author REALLY has a crush on Jezirah

Layane had settled down in a hammock, and was wearing some of Jez’s clothes, which were too small and were extremely tight around her stomach. Layane had always thought she was maybe a little bit big, but not exactly fat, but these clothes made her think so. Jez was currently wearing a very baggy dress but Layane could almost tell how tiny she really was.

My favourite thing about this is that presumably Jez's clothes are of the 'one size fits all' variety from draft 1, i.e. the extra arm holes disappeared when Layane put them on. But they also stay the same size, because I really wanted Layane to be thinking about the exact shape of Jez's body.

Layane asks Jez why she's so thin.

“Well, I don’t eat much and I live up a tree, that’s exercise whenever I get home, and anyway, I have to be, I wouldn’t let myself get too fat in a million years.”

I blame the general atmosphere of the early aughts for this.

“Actually I’ve never thought of it really,” said Jez. “Maybe it was the potion…”

I'd probably ask what 'the potion' is if I was Layane, but apparently Layane is very tired and goes to sleep instead. Even though she was just asleep for... sixteen hours, the narration confirms. But Jez mentions that the boat releases some kind of knock-out gas when you're travelling down that massive staircase, presumably so you don't go insane seeing the same marble designs repeating over and over for hours. Maybe Layane is tired because of its lingering effects?

Anyway.

Enough of that. Enough of the author's blatant crush on Jezirah. It no longer matters, because it's time for an important introduction. Say hello to the second half of the author's OTP from before she knew what an OTP was:

If you haven't seen the post I made about this, I decided to introduce Roen, a male love interest for Layane, after realising that my books had shockingly few male characters.

(In the most recent drafts, Roen is a girl.)

It was very dark in the room, it was glowing a dim red from the side, but the engravings on the floor were hardly noticeable in the dim lights. It was a huge room, with columns around it, and a spiral staircase leading up to a podium in the middle. The ceiling was so high, it couldn’t be seen. A man… well, not really a man, a teenager, was sweeping the floor with a broom. He was clearly Gevirian, he had four arms, a tail, and huge wings coming from his shoulder blades, like an angel. They were speaking Gevirian.

I really don't know how to introduce the fact a character is a teenager. Layane was a child, but not really a child. Roen is a man, well not really a man.

“I don’t see why this place get’s so dirty,” he said. “It’s not like hardly anyone comes here.” Another Gevirian at the other side of the room looked at him. “Roan, in this place is preserved the spirits of our captured enemies from the Last Battle. If one tries to escape dust will shake from the ceiling. We are over a hundred miles below Hiville.” The teenager, Roan, laughed.

Oh, okay. Roan. I changed the spelling at some point, but I guess he's still Roan in this.

Ignoring the fact that Roan's dialogue makes no sense, why on earth does someone have to clean the temple holding the Book of the Dying Screams? I mean, I understand that following the lore change, no one would want to open it (as your enemies would be the ones commanding the ghostly army, not you) but it still feels like a pretty major security risk to let in a cleaner once every so often, rather than knocking down the entrance, or literally doing anything else.

The other Gevirian, who is Roan's father, feels that Roan isn't taking this seriously. They are doing an important job, keeping the temple clean. Roan's father approaches the book and considers the last war, which was seven hundred years ago, which means I can't as easily pretend the Gevirians go to war with the Dying Screams once every four years like the Olympics in this draft.

“It’s never been touched, for all those years, seven hundred. It’s because they’re growing hungry, kept in there,” said his father. “Well, come down and give me a hand,” said Roan. “As a matter of fact you can give me four, come down and help.”

Stealing that second bit of dialogue for the next time I write this.

He looked up. His father had vanished. “Dad?” called Roan. He walked up to the podium. The book almost like it had before. But it had fingerprints on it. Fingerprints in blood. There was a scream from inside the book. Roan ran down the stairs to the side of the room. He could now see the engravings on the floor. They were glowing red, just like one of the walls. He ran up to the side of the room, ran his fingers over the wall until he felt a symbol. A button. He pushed it in, and vanished.

I mean... if your job is to keep the temple holding the evil death book clean and tidy, surely this doesn't come as a surprise?

I do like that the book is occasionally eating people, though. It makes it much more relevant than the last draft, where Layane and Clemant were told about it for seemingly no reason.

He reappeared in a split second, in Hiville, in a hall. He ran up to the doors, pushed them open, and stared wildly around. He was near the jungle. The Lady of Plants could help. Jezirah.

Could she really? Are you sure?

Maybe he hasn't met her before.

[tookishcombeferre]

Full disclosure I think this has sat half-edited in my drafts for like a week at least.

But, I'm so happy I took my time on it. I think the beats of the chapter hit nicely. The foreshadowing for 4 chapters down the road is doing what I want it to do. So, I just wanted to make sure things were doing what I needed them to before I posted it.

For tumblr folks, I can write a bit of an extended author note. Which is always fun.

About the plot chasm: In the first iteration of this story, there was going to be an entire espionage sublot that involved Hexley Hall. However, in order to spark that, something really devastatingly sad had to happen. I didn't like that. So, after about five minutes of thinking about it, I scrapped it. However, I REALLY wanted my espionage subplot back because going full Mission Impossible into Hexley Hall just seemed like too fun of an opportunity to pass up. Also, the magic involved in that subplot still existed in the plot I currently was writing, and I suddenly realized I had no plans to resolve that. Therefore, I decided, I'm filling my plot chasm with an appearance from Greylock near the final climax of the story. Not revealing anymore details about that. But, he's well more involved now that I'd initially planned on him being because I had a plot chasm the size of the Grand Canyon that only Greylock could solve. As for the potential one-shot: I've been doing a lot of of work on lore for the Tri-Kindgoms and the Minor Kingdoms for this story and for its prequel. Specifically, I've been developing lore for Corinthia (which is where I hc that Winifred came from based on her design.) I was thinking about writing something set during the ep. Mystic Meadows set from her perspective that has something to do with the lore of that Kingdom and her powers of minor divination. Not sure if I'll do it, but if folks are interested, I'd consider writing it. Some of the stuff I'm thinking about putting in the one-shot are going to come up in the fic, some of it might not? I dunno. (I gave Cedric and Cordelia middle names in my head, and it's my personal opinion first name was Goodwyn's choice second name was Winifred's. So, this would touch on that.) Other notes: I really don't have much other than what I put in the author's note. I often write in "Acts" like a play. I'd say, as it stands, this story has approximately 3. Act 1 was for exposition. Act 2 is about relationships. Act 3 will be about magic and then will also resolve the whole story. This chapter is kind of the transition point that sets up that transition between exposition and the 2 different longer acts that each have their own climaxes and resolutions. That's not to say you won't get details about magic AT ALL in this next part, you will. But, the primary focus in this next section is on relationships, and all the lore tidbits you get are at the service of fostering connections between characters. As for things that are coming in terms of stuff getting "dark," this will probably come up again in a later author's note, but there's a scene I'm writing that might just hit me different because the feelings in the scene keep hitting a nerve based on something that happened to me a little over a year ago. So, like, do *I* think it's dark because it hits in a personal place, or is it actually dark? I always err on the side of caution in those matters. So, like I said, just pay attention to the TW's and you should be fine. So, yeah, that's what I've got. Cheers, Pip 💚💜

[amtrak12]

On Lucifer S5, Michael, and God (but mostly God)

(See end notes for disclaimers)

I did a Twitter poll about which Lucifer meta I should write up first, and I actually got responses! \0/ 4 out of 7 people wanted to see my thoughts on Michael, God, and S5 first, so let's do this :P

Thesis statement: Michael played the long con and pushed God into retiring.

The Evidence:

Michael plays off people's fears -- that's his power -- and he can bring out the fears of both humans and angels alike. (Which is very interesting because Lucifer's desire power doesn't have the same pull on celestials, and Amenadiel can only freeze time for mortals.) So, if Michael's power worked on his siblings, then who's to say he couldn't play on God's fears as well?

God admitted -- in actual words spoken in S5 -- that he was scared he was losing his powers. And then, of course, that plot point went exactly nowhere and seemed to have no bearing on why he retired -- but still, God admitted to being afraid!

Well, I'm taking that evidence and proposing that Michael manipulated this fear and amped it up the same way he amped up Amenadiel's and Chloe's fears. When Michael positioned himself to be the next God, he wasn't just taking advantage of Dad's retirement. He'd been planning the move for a long time.

What makes this theory particularly interesting is that for Michael's plan to work, God has to be afraid of something. Michael can't invent fears, just like Lucifer can't invent desires. But how could God be scared of anything? Why would he fear he was losing his powers? It makes no sense, right? Because he's God who's supposed to be all-knowing and all-powerful.

My theory, and the one I've written into my Can We Keep Her fic, is that God can only see all of time and space when he's in that universe to witness it. The second he retires to his wife's universe, he no longer knows what's happening on Earth. Now, let's take that to the next logical step. God can see the future (or predicts it ala Uriel because he sees everything in the present and knows everything about the past -- unclear which it is from the show). But if he can truly see EVERYTHING, then he should know that he retires one day. Instead, he's scared he's losing his powers. That implies that God can't see his own retirement. And he can't see it because he switches universes. Everything after he retires is a black hole of nothing to him, and he has no idea why. That would be terrifying to someone who has always known everything, who's always been in control of everything. If God can't see the future anymore, and he doesn't realize it's because he retires to another universe, then he would absolutely be scared that he was losing his powers. Especially as time passed and that black hole of nothing got closer and closer and the future he could see grew smaller and smaller until all that was left was the present day.

Now, God probably stopped seeing the full future LONG before S5 and long before Michael began manipulating him. Exactly, when he noticed depends on how much of the future he can see at any one time. Given that free will exists to make the future malleable, he probably can't see indefinitely into the future. So, he might not have noticed anything was off until like, idk, maybe a hundred years out? A hundred twenty? And when he saw the nothingness on the horizon, he probably just figured the future was in flux more than normal. Nothing to be concerned about. :)

But then he gets, let's say, 40 years out and that black hole has only drawn closer. Nothing has replaced it. There still isn't any future. NOW he starts worrying. Maybe, he thinks, maybe he should interfere and take some direct action again. Because something must be wrong with Earth that's affecting the future. He doesn't think it's his powers yet. No, a balance is off in the universe if its not progressing the way God expected it to.

So, he sends Amenadiel down to bless the Deckers with Chloe (oh yes! We're connecting all the dots now because why the hell not?). God puts Chloe on Earth to speed up Lucifer's realization that he can help the souls stuck in Hell. ("evil shall be released", remember?) God could afford to be patient before -- he and the angels are immortal beings after all, and Hell is purposefully designed to make time irrelevant. Guilt and torment doesn't compound in Hell the way it does when alive on Earth because nothing new ever happens in Hell. It runs on loops, offering a person chance after chance to make things right. Plus Hell runs out of sync with Earth. Time moves faster in Hell which lets the loops repeat even more. A soul trapped in Hell could have a thousand years of opportunities to get out while only a month has passed on Earth. It's an attempt to have family and friends arrive in Heaven more or less together instead of spending eons apart.

But the systems must not be working anymore. They're (seemingly) running out of future, and God can't afford to be patient anymore. So he interferes, Chloe is born, and it works! God can see the timeline shift, he can see the changes in Lucifer -- but the future is still black. THAT'S when he gets truly scared and fears that he might be the real problem, that he might be losing his powers. And this is when Michael steps in to start manipulating that fear, before S5 but not before Lucifer meets Chloe. I don't believe Michael was manipulating things for decades, because I don't think God's fear was strong enough for Michael to sense until the last couple of years. But once dear old Dad showed weakness, Michael -- the one who's never had the power he thinks he deserves -- absolutely pounced on it, whispering lies in his ear, making offhand comments about God losing his grip on the world, but framing them as concern. You know the drill.

Now, this theory falls apart entirely if you believe God is not only omnipresent but also truly all powerful and can do anything he wants with a snap of his fingers. If that's your belief, then I guess God was just faking being scared he was losing his powers in S5? He was play-acting to manipulate everyone because he wanted Michael and Lucifer to go to war? (and therefore wanted Remiel to be wiped from existence like Uriel???) Like I guess that's an interpretation? A bit convoluted and renders the story pointless, though, imo. Why would S5 exist -- why would the entire show exist -- if God truly planned and controlled everything and no one else had any power over the narrative?

Especially because the second biggest theme of the entire series, right behind anyone can be redeemed, was the theme that angels were just as flawed as humans. Powers and immortality didn't actually separate angels from humans as much as angels wanted to believe. They weren't fundamentally different or better than humans. At our core, the show said, angels and humans were the same.

And God. This theme extends to God as Amenadiel realized in S5. God is as flawed and prone to mistakes as humans. That's what makes him interesting! And these flaws create story. Instead of an all powerful being manipulating everyone like puppets, you're telling a story about a parent who fucked up and let his kids down. A story of someone trying and failing to balance work (being God) and home (the angels, the Goddess of All Creation). Where plans, however carefully constructed, don't always work out the way you believed they would. All universal concepts applicable to our every day lives! There's a reason religions like the Greeks and Romans wrote their gods with human flaws. Because ultimately every story (and yes religion is story brought to life by faith) is crafted to reflect us as human beings, to explore aspects of our desires and fears and relationships. Because if it doesn't do that, then what is the point? How is it even a story?

So yes, I believe God was flawed in Lucifer. He made mistakes. He was scared, and ultimately his powers came with limitations just like everyone else has. One of his sons took advantage of those limitations and preyed on his fears until God believed he should step down. And when God caught on to what had happened (because I believe he did realize Michael had manipulated him before the end), he still chose to step down because he realized not having his powers wasn't as terrifying as he'd thought, and because he missed his wife. But he didn't retire as a perfect God. That wasn't his character arc. He still made mistakes. He continued to believe it was best not to interfere, that his children should stumble and figure things out for themselves -- even though children learn through examples and guidance more than anything else. (There's letting your child try and fail on their own and then there's never giving them the tools to stand on their own to begin with.) God retires without a succession plan because, despite confessions and apologies and heartfelt I love yous, in the end he still chooses to be God rather than a father. And I personally think that makes him very flawed.

Disclaimers:

*During my entire first watch of the show, Lucifer rode the knife's edge between being a garbage show I was embarrassed to be watching and a canon soulmate AU I couldn't stop obsessing over. Clearly we landed firmly in the obsession camp, but I've avoided all cast and crew interviews to keep it that way. Sometimes behind-the-scenes footage/interviews are incredible and useful. Other times, they can utterly ruin the show. Lucifer seemed like it would have a high chance of the latter so I prefer to stick with aired episodes. If it wasn't explicitly stated in canon somewhere (and even if it was sometimes), then it's still up for interpretation.

*This fandom seems allergic to meta or at least to posting it publicly on an easily searchable site, so apologies if I'm retreading old ground. I've been studying fandom opinions via reading AO3 fic in chronological order, but I'm still in the S2 era, so I have no idea what S5 theories have already been floated by others.

All that being said.... What are your takes on God's retirement or Michael potentially orchestrating it? I fully admit there's some reaching with connecting Chloe to God not being able to see the future past his retirement. It never crossed my mind until I was writing this up properly, but I kind of like it??? Besides, ideas can't bake properly in a vacuum, so let's chat about your own takes! I love meta discussions! <3

[mamadarama]

same anon here to elaborate on some of the cats (and other pets) in the story:

every member of knights has a descendant of little john/nyaitsu. (only one i have details on atm: izuleo have a big fat cat named king richard who's dumb as rocks[though they both insist otherwise] and spoiled rotten. they didn't know it was a girl until after she was named that. later on they got another cat who they named maid marian before finding out that was a boy. their names have not been changed regardless)

shu adopted a Fancy Pedigree Sphinx (he makes it little sweaters/outfits to keep it warm). mika has a skrunkly black cat he found in a dumpster (alternatively, also thought it could be cool to give him one of those patchwork cats, where the pigmentation on their face is like. split down the middle yanno). anywho these cats are Bonded for Life

tetohina have a Stupid Male Orange Tabby. tetora thinks the cat is a Fierce Warrior while hinata calls it a stinky dum dum (affectionately)

kohiiai actually have three pets. first was the bunny, then the tarantula hiiro brought home a day later, then a while after that, kohaku found a stray kitten in an alleyway and brought it home (by this point hiiro has adjusted to the idea of domesticated pets, and it helps that the kitten was also on the streets [just like him ;;]) kohaku and the cat are both found regularly napping in weird locations (open to suggestions on cat breeds!! i keep going back and forth on what it should be,, i liked the idea of bingus, but also like the idea of fluffy,, currently tentatively thinking oriental long hair maybe? idk. kitten with ear too big for he gotdam head)

subaru (+the rest of trickstar by extension) has a direct descendant of daikichi

similarly, koga has at least one or two corgis, if not a direct descendant of leon. also probably like a bajillion foster dogs. hes using the rockstar money to care for as many dogs as possible

souma still has kamegorou. turtles live a long time,, (also maybe one or two horses as well)

given your Cat Knowledge, i'd love to hear your thoughts on these, or any other characters who you think should have cats! :3

Aaahh thats so cute . i can totally imagine leo having a cat named king richard thats just like that, if someone told me him and izumi have that exact cat back in italy i wouldnt even question it id just take it as fact

you could give kohaku a purebred, but it wouldnt be that realistic to do that. finding a purebred stray/feral at all, much less finding one alive, is so unlikely that the only thing keeping me from saying its impossible is my personal adversity to making absolute claims like that on the possibility of some bizarre freak situation. all strays and ferals are moggies/randombreds, any purebreds you see in shelters are animals surrendered by their owners (its rare, ive been rehabbing cats for 6-7 years now and its only happened 3 times)

however that doesnt mean you cant give him a unique cat !! mutations and weird patterns happen all the time in stray and feral populations . the bobtail gene is pretty common in japanese colonies (at least more common than it is in america) so you could give him a bobtail cat? i think a little high white calico bobtail would suit him :^)

but of course realism doesnt really matter too much, hell i have purebreds in catstars au and theyre all ferals

also hiiro would have either a tarantula or a stick bug or both. idk i can imagine him absolutely adoring stick and leaf bugs for how they look like sticks and leaves , he thinks its charming

depending on how far in the future were talking souma might still have saigoudon. souma grew up with him so its safe to assume theyre around the same age, meaning saigoudon is around 20 years old. horses can live up to 30 and occasionally even longer so theyve still got plenty time left together. if he moves out of his parents house maybe hed get his own horse though

the twins definitely have their own cats and tetora definitely tells young children that meet their cat that its part tiger.

SHU HAVING A HAIRLESS BREED IS SO REAL he would love having a pet he can make clothes for its too perfect . the split face marking youre talking about is most common in tortoiseshell cats , that would be perfect for mika :D

with daikichi and leon im almost certain theyre both fixed because koga and subaru are responsible dog owners but subaru would definitely stick with shibas . i can picture koga either with another corgi or adopting a shepard mix of some kind ..... when he retires hed probably start fostering dogs but until then hed probably be busy with life and stick with only one dog so he can devote all his attention to that one . fostering more than one or two dogs at a time is kind of a full time thing (believe me my step grandmother fosters dogs and owns 11) he definitely volunteers at some sort of animal place, either domestic or exotics or whatever he just loves animals in general (thinking abt the guinea pig card..... )

[the-mountain-flower]

Adventures of Xynn and Aimie

Chapter 7

Ao3 link

Previous chapter

Bop!

Xynn turned around to see what bounced off the back of her head, to find a small, light purple bird flapping around her.

“Message for Xynn: Hey, hope you’re doing well. I’ve got another trip coming up, if you’re interested. If so, come over to my place whenever you’re ready so we can get the details sorted out and plan when to start. See you soon!”

The spell dissipated into the air, the Wind released from its magical hold.

“Woah! What was that?” Kira asked, eyes wide in awe and staring at where the missive had been.

“Message from Aimie. It’s some kind of Wind magic thing.”

“It can do that?”

“Apparently.”

“That’s so cool! I wonder if I can keep one as a pet”

Xynn laughed. “Probably not, but that’s a fun idea.”

“So, are you going to be leaving again?”

Xynn wrapped an arm around her little brother in a hug. “Only if you’re okay with it. And only if you promise to be safe.”

“I can be safe!” Kira insisted, then leaned against Xynn, “I’ll just miss you, that’s all.”

The two sat in silence for several minutes. Xynn watched Kira’s expression as he concentrated on the thought.

“I’ll let you go,” Kira held up a finger and said in as authoritative a voice as he could at his age, “on one condition.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?”

“You have to get me another cool rock. At least one cool rock from each trip, every time.”

“Deal.”

“Xynn! Great timing!”

Xynn didn’t even have time to say hello when Aimie opened the door, as the mage immediately took their hand and rushed them both into the house, and toward a desk topped with maps and documents that, by Xynn’s estimate, were numbered at approximately Too Many To For One Table.

“I’ve been tracking the pathways of local element winds for a while now. You see, I have a hunch that there’s an uncharted soulcrystal cave that formed in this region recently and I’ve been trying to figure out where it might be, but turns out that might have to wait a bit longer because guess what I found!”

“Uh, what’d you find?”

“This!” Aimie pointed to a paper scribbled with messy runic circles, glanced at it in confusion, then quickly brushed it aside and grabbed a map from beneath it marked with color-coded chart lines, and pointed to that instead. “Sorry, I meant this!”

Xynn laughed and shook her head, “It doesn’t make any more sense to me than the spell circles.”

“Oh, those don’t make sense anyway, that’s a different project I’m working on that’s not done yet. No, this is a chart of the path and intensity of the element winds I gathered the data from during the past few days. And this... one sec, let me find it,” Aimie sifted through the chaos of papers to bring up another map of the same region with different chart lines. “This is the same thing, but I’ve been collecting data on it for a few sindahlans now, from before the past three days. See the difference?”

“It looks, um, not as messy? And, less dense?” Xynn asked, not sure how else to describe it.

“Exactly!” Aimie’s smile widened. “See, despite what one may think, the element winds are actually fairly predictable if you can spot the patterns. Of course, it differs from region to region and some are more chaotic than others, but I’ve been paying attention to this area’s elemental patterns for years now. And this,” she pointed to the first chart, “Is brand-new, something I’ve never seen before. All the evidence I’ve gathered solidly classifies this change as the result of some kind of anomaly that affected all of the primordial energy, and given the scale, it’s something big.”

“Ah, I see. You’re trying to find out what it is.”

“That’s right! I’ve tracked the trajectory of the element winds and the change appears to have rolled in from the northeast. I’m going to follow it until I find out the cause!”

“Which might be?”

“No idea! And I can’t tell where it is either, since I’ll need a larger sample size for accurate enough calculations; though given the intensity, than if we assume the anomaly is, say, around the size of a large city, then it’s likely to somewhere on this continent.”

“Wait, you don’t even know if it’s on the continent?”

“It likely is, but we’ll have no way of knowing without more data.” Aimie met Xynn’s gaze, and their expression turned serious. “Since this is only the second trip you’d be coming with me on, I know it’s a big ask, and I don’t want to pressure you to come with on a journey with so many critical unknowns.”

Xynn smiled. “Don’t worry about it, I’m up for a challenge. When do we leave?”

Aimie pumped a fist in front of her, saying “Yes!” victoriously. “No strict schedule, I’m hoping to leave in a few days but no rush if you need longer to prepare. Just whenever we’re both ready. Oh! And before I forget, be right back!” Aimie dashed out of the room, then came back with a bundle of dark green cloth in her hands. “I got this for you!”

Xynn blinked in surprise, and almost missed catching the bundle when Aimie tossed it to her. “Um, what is this?”

“I got you a cloak.”

“Huh? But I already have one.” Xynn lifted the hem of the tattered piece of fabric they wore around their shoulders. “And I can’t afford this.”

Aimie rolled her eyes. “You may call it a cloak, I call it rags. Plus, this one’s made especially for travel. I’ve gone through enough of them that one more was no problem, so don’t you dare worry about it. No way would I ask you to come with me without better. Consider it a gift. Also, it’s made by a friend of mine who’ll be disappointed if I return it.” She said this last part with a wink.

Xynn blinked in surprise. They couldn’t remember a time when they’d been just given something like this. “I, uh, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Now, here’s my plan for starting out,”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember to drink water, eat food, take your meds (if applicable), and get enough sleep. Love you all, and have a great [insert time here]! <3

[return-to-ravenbrooks]

This is the [REDACTED] check-in with Mr. Woodhart. I, Trinity Bales, am the interviewer as usual. Would you please state your full name and age for the records?

Yes, it’s Damien Percy WoodHart, age 23.

Thank you. How are you today, Damien?

I’m alright. Work was work, but we already know that.

Right, shall we get into it then?

Of course! I’m ready when you are, Ms. Bales.

Have you attended any “meetings” since our last check-in, Damien?

Yes, I have. It was a shorter one than usual, actually. They’ve been getting shorter lately. I’m suspecting it has something to do with me, but I can’t be certain since I’ve been in attendance for years. This one didn’t include much beyond the average chatter about the town and about the “new blasphemous god”’s behavior.

I see… How has…that been going as of late?

You mean Zach? Ah, he’s alright. As alright as he can be, all things considered. I’ve been keeping him out of their sights as best I can, but you can only do so much in a small town.

Right, I can only imagine with the- wandering. Is it fair to assume his continued denial of any involvement in the woods is- less than accurate?

Any assertions he has made regarding that are factual, I can promise you that. It’s not as if he’s even capable of lying about it, his situation ensures that. I’m sorry, Ms. Bales, but Zach is not an avenue for you to explore accurately. I’m sure you’re referring to his. Nights out.

I'm not referring to lies from his perspective, Damien. I am referring to the reality of the events.

The reality of the matter is that even if he is out there in his condition, it’s not of his own volition. The others are terrified of him. He keeps them inside some nights. I just help him in the instances he doesn’t quite complete his route.

Right. …And about the circumstances regarding the damages to the Grocer's?

An outburst. He wasn’t doing well there, and I did my best to help him calm down, but I’m not one to keep him under surveillance 24/7. It was partially my fault it got to that point, but he. Well. He has some right to be upset, honestly.

Care to elaborate?

… Well, if I had to describe it, he wasn’t always in the headspace to work. His mind wanders as much as he does. Behaviors he can’t always control, general distractions, everything you already probably know. But the work seemed to exacerbate it. He was more tired when he came home, and he seemed more easy to anger. Work can indeed do that. Imagining how it would be if I wasn’t working is sometimes very appealing… My- My point is, he didn’t enjoy the position, and he had resentment for it.

If you don't mind my further prodding, how does that make it at all your fault?

… I mean in the sense that it’s my job to help him. I didn’t help him enough in that instance. I apologize, I didn’t clarify.

I see. Well, from the way he speaks about them, the sleeping pills aren't having much effect. Have you seen anything, however?

Sigh I think they’re proving useless, in all honesty. All it seems to do is accelerate his nights. Not even getting him sluggish. He falls asleep faster, so it happens faster. I think that all it relies on is his sleep state.

Hm.

… I suppose that means that he’ll be perpetually tired until I figure out how to reverse this. The townsfolk are not a helpful bunch, but I’m planning on going back to the library tomorrow.

Damien, you're an intelligent man, how open are you to- an experiment?

Absolutely not. I’ve not enough research to do anything as drastic as that!

No no, nothing intense. But you mentioned thinking the transformation is tied to his sleep state correct?

Yes, I did.

And, previously, we attempted to adjust it with more sleep, correct?

That would be accurate, yes…

Well, what if we attempted the other direction? Longer hours awake and conscious?

… I’m… not entirely sure if that would be good for Zach, at least in this state. I can try to give him a more consistent, spaced sleep schedule, but its a touchy subject with him.

I can tell… I can't be sure it will help, but perhaps even recommending things like coffee to help stay awake at work might help, if only a little. I know you only want what's safest for him. We do too, I promise, but to find the formula for what's best, sometimes we have to take some leaps of faith. Sadly, there aren't any books on fixing- his condition.

… I’ll look into some possible options for keeping him awake in intervals. It’ll be a shift, one that he can hopefully adjust to within a week.

Wonderful, and hopefully, we can reconvene in our next check-in. Unless, of course, anything happens which needs a sooner meeting.

Hopefully. I’m hoping there are no scenes about me at the next meeting. They used to be so frequent…

That reminds me… any updates on Crow Face?

… He’s. He sure is Crow Face. He does an awful lot of staring at me…

Any more- uh.. attacks?

No, nothing of note with him has happened since- … Well, since he got my parents.

…I see. …How is the condition of your coin? Or- coins if what Zach mentioned is correct.

It’s just fine. I’ve not had any streaks of luck lately, I don’t think there’s anything to be concerned about for the time being.

Good, good. Finally, have you checked in with Mr. And Mrs. Carrion as of recently? Are there any updates on their- mental states?

I have some minor progress for both of them, Mrs. Carrion moreso. It’s a bit difficult to get much done, but it’s fine. I’m just worried about some of the points I’m going to have to make to them eventually.

Well, I can promise we're working to find information ourselves on the matter. The sooner we can find a way to help you two the better for Ravenbrooks. And the work you're doing helps more than I think you realize. And…I'm sure if Zach could know more about it all, he'd say the same.

I’d give most anything for him to have all this reversed. For him to have a restful night. I’m not going to stop until that happens.

Neither will we. Is it fair to assume you'll be open for the same check in time in two weeks?

Unless I have an emergency appointment, we’re all set.

Wonderful. Thank you again for your time, Damien.

[celinou]

I'm intrigued by your WIP Once Upon a Season 👀

This one is kinda old (7+ years). It's an original work. It's a fantasy/romance isekai story that I never developed much past its concept. So far I have about 20k words and several pages of notes.

It's the story of Gabriella a chocolatier who works in her own tiny shop in a large town. She inherited it after the passing of her grand parents.

One day she meets this strange blind man with lilac hair - named Nevan - who she helps with directions to find a very old and abandoned temple at the edge of a beautiful park. He says he needs to meet someone there. He thanks her for the help and she goes about her day. After closing, Gabriella goes back to the park and finds the blind man still waiting there.

Turns out, Nevan was waiting for her all along to isekai her to a place called the Realm of Eternal Seasons - yeah that name sounds way better in french.

They arrive in a place where all seasons co-exits at once in a sort of frozen state. There are cherry blossoms in the snow and autumn threes boarding a frozen pond when it's sunny and warm outside. It's absolutely magical. Gabriella doesn't get to see outside of that one place but the seasons are changing in the rest of the lands.

Nevan is a servent of the empress and he leads Gabriella directly to meet her upon her arrival. The empress is the most powerful being in the lands, in theory. In practice, she's a magical seed that needs a mate to bloom and spread magic around the entire realm. It's an important ritual that takes place once every 80 years when all the 8 seasons have passed.

There was going to be 8 seasons in this. But I've never went deep into the lore and worldbuilding so it's kind of a vague concept at this point. I was going for two of each seasons: spring, summer, autumn and winter, one boreal and one austral. I don't know if 8 isn't too much and I risk having too many characters, making the story longer than necessary.

Gabriella is then tasked to find a mate for the empress between 8 ambassadors of the 8 families - one per season. So far I had a dryad from the spring family, a hot headed jerk for the summer family, a spooky and petite girl that levitates for the autumn family and a cold and calculating man with bunny ears for the winter.

Of all the candidates, none would spark any kind of preference for Gabriella who will decide that it's completely stupid to choose a mate for someone else and she kinda begins to break the rules of this ancient ritual. Doing this puts her in danger. Thankfully, and because there's a lot of court intrigue, she is assigned a body guard - who is also the love interest. He's a literal shadow that can manifest into a corporeal body when it's dark. He follows her in mist form most of the time and speaks in a deep voice that only carries to her ears.

In the end, she finds out that the empress is in love with Nevan (the blind guy from the beginning) who is also completely enamored with her. But they can't be together because he was banished from the spring family for a crime he committed : he looked upon the empress before she bloomed. The unreleased magic burned his eyes and he was disgraced.

Gabriella states her choice regardless of the rules! How does she gain the political power to do that? I don't have a clue... The empress maries Nevan, the magic is released and Gabriella returns to her realm and her tiny shop. But wait! The body guard follows her and they make chocolate together for the rest of their days.

The ending is kinda super cliché and probably way too sweet and syrupy but what can I say, I like the sweetness. The main focus of the story will actually be the court intrigue and all the assassinations attempt Gabriella will survive thanks to her body guard who I didn't name... yet.

I really like this story but it's one I've always been too shy to talk about, because it feels like it's full of clichés and anime vibes. But I'm glad you asked about it and I got to share it. Thank you!

[heartstringsduet]

Thanks for creating this Weekend WIP ask @welcometololaland . Guess who's not just wide awake at 5 am and half-blindly misunderstanding this is not a ask game but a fill-in thing? OOPS. SORRY thanks for tagging me @rmd-writes @alrightbuckaroo @lemonlyman-dotcom For Writers

1. WIP List: First Aid (Lying fools trying to fix the other)

Let Me Part 5 (D/s verse) TK turning 30 collab with @strandnreyes New Year's Day (meeting over and over on new years) Fathers (daddy issues the fic) 5 things Carlos isn't good at Christmassy short?

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? First Aid. 120k that might be cut down or...expanded? but like 100k for sure will end up published.

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? See above. Want to take some time away from more than 50k projects after this. Good luck Michelle.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

Right now TK turning 30 is a wonderful reprieve because it doesn't really have a plot and I love written character deep-dives. But also, seeing the finish line of First Aid really made me sit down and enjoy writing it again.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Ugh don't want to be a one-trick pony but First Aid has a lot of things that intimidate me. Like making both of them recognizable despite some very different circumstances for them. But also keeping all plot-points and the pacing and the OCs consistent and in line? UGH.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? See above. Added pressure for me thinking no one will like it because it really does have flawed characters and a lot of lying and back and forth and drama baby drama. Maybe people won't like the finished thing as much as the snippets. Maybe I will be disappointed by the response.. Maybe maybe maybe

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? For longer fics or fics that mean much to me I do ask betas and they are TREMENDOUS helps and just a joy to me. I am in awe of all of you, taking the time to help make something shine more. <3 Still considering asking someone to sensitivity read First Aid but feel like 120k might a bit too much to ask of someone. So maybe I will ask for feedback once I update instead and hope I don't offend anyone and am open to criticism. Or maybe if you read this and want to be a sensitivity reader particularly for representation of Latino characters, would love that <3

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? Oh some have been on hiatus more like. like the 5 things Carlos can't do or the Fathers one. I really like what I have there so far but then other projects get in the way. First Aid definitely had some writer's block moments so I wrote other things like Let Me in between.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Well, First Aid has a few OCs actually and none of them totally the ones everyone will love. But I do like writing Arturo, as a cousin to Carlos, even if he definitely won't be liked much.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

Let Me series for sure. That's just where the 5% sexual frustration I feel a year goes lol.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

First Aid is like a dark pool of angst. Whoops. Let Me isn't without its fair share of hurt/comfort though.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? Fathers. I try to be very close to the source material to explore the relationship of TK and his father and Carlos and Owen through the lense of Carlos and how it changes over time.

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? My weaknessss. I guess First Aid though. Trying to do some of New York justic,e but ultimately won't probably.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

Well for the sheer length and plot and time: First Aid.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? See above and see my doubts about First Aid. 😶

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I WISH. I wish I dreamt about people other than my former high school friends?

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? The new part of the Let Me series deals with grief and self-harm in a very specific scenario of being in a relationship with Dom/sub dynamics. I think that's fascinating and I wanted to write that part for a while.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? Did i mention the angst part? But I guess 5 things Carlos isn't good at

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? Yes! TK turns 30 is actually about so many relationships TK has outside of the romantic one. I LOVE that. Since I have more experience with friendships than even family ties, and deep-dive into my own psyche way too much, I think this one is really challenging and fun.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

I ave like 10k minimum of First Aid that is all different versions of the characters and scenarios that make no sense anymore. Also, coming up with 5 fun things Carlos can't do wasn't that easy. he is TALENTED. I tag @decafdino @ambiguouspenny @carlos-in-glasses @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @lightningboltreader @noxsoulmate @chaotictarlos @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-tk @ladytessa74 @freneticfloetry @orchidscript