#its only macro if you want it to be i dont really care about macro i just wanted to draw Big max

[crunchchute]

silly thing that i was too lazy to add a proper bg to. not a fan of some details so i might revisit the idea later

[tweedfrog]

im sorry, but reading ur last couple posts it kinda sounds like you think Ned should have been more overtly racist and bc he wasn’t grrm is racist, but on the flip side giving arya prejudice thoughts also makes grrm a racist and a bad writer? like grrm for sure has dodgy bits but you’re giving him a bit of a no win scenario here. if he had made the targs black like originally planned do you think that would have been better or worse? (1/2)

ok im going to address this point by point because there is a lot of reaching and misunderstanding here

1. I am not here to present a ‘win’ scenario for GRRMs writing. I am discussing the shortcomings of the way he writes racism and yet uses racist tropes. A lot of these are as you state ‘no win’ scenarios because he decided to craft a world where racism exists while having extremely few characters of colour in important positions, AND while using racist tropes. There are many no win scenarios simply because of this tension.

2. I dont want Ned to be a more vocally racist character? And please point out where I said that Grrm was racist because Ned wasnt portrayed as having overt anti-dornish sentiment? I stated that because GRRM created a world where racism exists everything now has to be analysed bearing that in mind. It’s the same as stating that because misogyny exists in universe male characters are possibly (and likely) somewhat misogynistic and their interactions with with women and the way they treat female characters must be analysed in such a way.

Me stating that anti-dornish racism could have been a possible reason why Ned reacted less vehemently to the deaths of Elia and her children is me analysing it within the frame-work that GRRM set up. I’m using this to point out that when white authors add fantasy racism into a story they dont see the raicst implications of what they are writing because they dont understand the way racism impacts almost everything in real life.

For example in our world when non-white children or women go missing or are murdered their deaths are much less publicized than when white women or children get murdered or go missing. So yes racism affects the way that people are treated in such scenarios and when you decide to include fantasy racism in your story you have now included all of this extra stuff and need to do work to make sure that what you are writing does not perpetuate or enforce racism.

3. I literally never said arya having racist thoughts made GRRM a racist and bad writer. I have no clue where you got that. I used Aryas remark to highlight how anti-dornish sentiment clearly exists in the North because 9 year old children dont develop racist ideas in a vaccuum.

4. Where did I ever state that everything that happens to the martells was a micro aggression? I’m also confused as to where you got the word “micro” from??? Because idk about you but things like characters not really caring about the rape and death of a non-white woman and the deaths of her biracial children, a child being shunned because they “smelled dornish” and dornish women being hypersexualised in the narrative are some pretty macro aggressions.

5. Finally you deciding to ‘not discuss the essoss stuff’ is missing one of the main points of what I am trying to say. GRRM’s writing isnt racist because sometimes bad things happen to the Martells. The combination of his writing of the dothraki as savages with no introspection when compared to the free folk, the brutal killing of many martells for shock value, the contrast between the way he portrays Lyanna and the way he portrays Elia, the exotic/erotic trope he uses when writing dornish women, the fact that he hasnt named the princess of dorne while all her male counterparts have recieved names AND backstories and the fact that he made a white character the centre of the essoss plotline and a whole host of other decisions combine to make his writing....kinda racist. If it happened one time it may be a coincidence. If it happens about 10 times its a pattern.

Would it be racist if the Starks were written as inuit and then split up? Probably - given the history of murder and brutal seperation indigenous families have faced! Would making the more visibly indigenous stark children plainer while making the more white passing stark children better looking be racist? Probably - considering the way that eurocentric beauty standards are still upheld! With GRRM his issue is that he doesn't use 1 or 2 racist tropes in isolation. That could be a mistake. He uses several in succession.

Regarding the Targaryens being Black I think that if he wrote them in exactly the same manner (unlikely given how he treats other characters of colour) it likely wouldnt be racist but that the fandom probably would take it as an excuse to be racist.

So now that weve gotten through all of that straw-man criticism about my “take” I’m actually going to suggest some ways that he could have still written about fantasy racism without accidentally perpetuating it

1. If he is going to brutally kill off Elia he needs to AT LEAST have more discussions surrounding her death. Who Elia was as a person (dont just make her a sad cardboard cut out - I want to see some background on who she was outside of being an abandoned wife and mother). One story about Elia by Oberyn isnt enough. I also want to see more societal shock about Elias death because theres a weirdly small amount. The rape and murder of the crown princess shouldve been an extremely huge scandal and should have horrified many more people.

2. Theres no real way to kill off two non white children and have their white sibling be a prophetic hero without dicey implications so Aegon needs to survive and be the actual Aegon and not a secret blackfyre. We dont know if he is a secret blackfyre or not so this may just be a case of the fandom taking an excuse to be racist and running with it

3. Have more Dornish characters that dont die brutally for shock value (Elia, Oberyn, Quentyn). Furthermore when you only have 2 povs of dornish characters,,,,and you kill one of them off, yes that is not a great look

4. Dont introduce the only WoC pov in the whole damn book nipple first and as a blatant play on the brown seductress when she has legitimate political concerns and greivances

And thats only the dornish characters! With the dothraki and most of essoss just.....anything aside from what he’s done would be better. But of course im sure none of this is actually racist writing decisions. No its simply complex characterisation of course!!1!

[ithisatanytime]

Vegetables are fucking bullshit. im not gonna proofread this, but if you want to lose weight this is literally the only thing besides surgery that will work and its not even hard at all i promise, this was not inspired by me being disgusted with fat women, as everybody knows im down with the thickness. not fat though, there is a wider range for men then women believe, but i guess they are mostly just trying to compete with each other (i dont actually believe this for a second, it is for men its just a subconscious instinct, manifesting consciously as a desire to compete or look good) i added this long as disclaimer because this is a lifelong interest of mine, i always talk about it, but i dont want some poor girl to read it and think i want her to go on a diet you are beautiful just as you are, but at the same time i didnt want past relationship girls to see me saying i was down with the thickness and think they were heavy, only one was heavy

  Dont get me wrong, i like vegetables, but they are honest to god a fucking scam. vegetables are CHEAP, especially grains and cerials, to be honest grains are less bullshit than leafy greens, but they are still kind of bullshit. you are made of fucking meat, thats what you are, all the stuff you need or pretty damn close, is found in meat, vegetables are mostly insoluble fiber, very low in calories, which despite what you have been led to believe is not a good thing. its nice to have a little roughage in your diet, but the idea that we should be eating primarily plant based food is fucking insane, and i suspect is a result of the sugar companies years long propaganda campaign against fat. for years they funded studies claming dietary fat or cholesterol caused fat to accumulate on the body, and cholesterol in the arteries, we have known since the seventies that these claims were false, but the propaganda campaign was so extensive, even doctors commonly fuck this up. you cant digest plants on your own, you need to recruit gut bacteria to ferment it in your bowels, in other words it rots in your guts making you bloated and gassy, all for just a tiny bit of calories, its ASS, because no one can live that way, your diet is failing because you arent eating enough meat. meat is food, its real food. no fucking animal would go through the trouble of evolving the necessary intelligence and hardware needed to have to KILL every single meal, if it wasnt so much better than the fucking grass and leaves that are everywhere, and grass is much easier to catch and kill than a gazelle,so why bother? because the gazelle is food, its made of the same building blocks you are, you are made of meat.

   Meat is much more readily digested in your body than plant matter, people think that meat constipates you and ive seen people say it sits in your gut for years, the opposite is true, meat is digested quickly and efficiently leaving behind almost no waste material whatsoever, meaning you arent pooping because you arent making poop, meat is digested almost completely where as plant matter is filled with fiber which passes through either completely unchanged or only mildly changed into a gel like substance in the case of soluble fiber.  but heres the real MEAT of this post (heh) fats and proteins from animal sources (meat) are far more satiating than carbs from plants, meaning a hundred calories of animal fats and’/proteins will keep you full for longer, than a hundred calories of carbs, and i can prove it, a boneless skinless chicken breast has 284 calories (very little fat but high in protein) thats less total calories than two cans of mountain dew, how long do you think you could last after eating a chicken breast vs drinking two mountain dews? there are 250 calories in a new york strip steak, thats less than two potatoes, i bet you could last all day if you ate a new york strip steak for breakfast, a potato and a half without butter or anything? you would crash by noon.

 Vitamins are fucking bullshit. as long as you get micronutrients into your body at some point, meaning you arent a third worlder who eats nothing but one kind of cheap food, you are getting vitamins, all of them, most of them and guess what, meat has literally all of the required vitamins your body needs in abundance, so long as you occasionally eat liver. but it hardly fucking matters, almost no one in the first world is seriously deficient in micronutrients (the vitamin d thing is bullshit, they miscalculated the requirements or there is some racial factor they refuse to aknowlege, because if fucking everyone is d3 deficient and doing just fine, then no one is. also d3 is found ONLY in animals, not in plants) its all about macro-nutrients FAT PROTEIN carbs, you are eating too much carbs, if you try to stop eating so much carbs you are going to fuck it up, i promise you, your body keeps track EVERY DAY, trying to maintain homeostasis, you will take one extra bite, you will measure your portions wrong, you will eat a whole goddamn cake because you are starving, your body is better at counting calories than you will ever be. so heres what you do, DONT TRY, if you have to try you will fail, you are working too goddamn hard, be realistic with yourself, a temporary diet is actually fucking meaningless, diets are for life. you cant sustain that horrible dumb ass bulshit girl magazines are trying to make you live on, NO ONE CAN, less than 6 percent of people who have lost significant amounts of weight will keep the weight off after a year. who the fuck knows after that as well, other than its certainly less than six percent. i am giving you the cheat code right now, all you have to do is take my word for it, do i seem like i spent years obsessing over this shit? because i have, heres the secret. all you have to do, nothing more, if you try to do more you are fucking up! all you have to do, is take your body weight, divide it by two, and try to get that many grams of protein per day, like your life depended on it, preferably from MEAT. preferably with fat! but honestly i dont fucking care. tbh if you are a girl, id shoot four 40-50 grams everyday, and heres the thing, please! do not go for lowfat, lean meats. you want meat with fat on it, preferably unprocessed, you can still eat hamburgers and sausages but dont make them the center piece of your diet, because they actually add fats in as part of the processing, you can stil leat it though, if you try to get your 40 grams of protein from lean meat like chicken breast alone, you will go crazy and quit, or you will just eat a bunch of carbs to make up for it. again, you want fat and protein. if for the next two months, you made it your goal to eat whatever the fuck you wanted (this is important) so long as you got 40 grams of protein a day, preferably from animal sources, preferably with fat, i promise you, not only will you lose weight like fucking crazy, but it wont even be hard at all, you will feel like you are fucking gorging yourself while slowly getting hotter. that being said, to us men, being hyper thin is not really all its cracked up to be, thats gay fashion designer shit, we like women to be soft, to contrast are hard muscular bodies.

[comicteaparty]

July 22nd-July 28th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from July 22nd, 2020 to July 28th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How have your reading tastes for webcomics changed over the years?

carcarchu

i think i used to read exclusively romance webcomics but now i'm really into the historical stuff. also i'm not so into the strictly straightforward stuff anymore, i need a really strong hook or something that makes it different enough to be enjoyable because i'm really tired of reading something that is indistinguishable from other similar webcomics. also i think i've gotten pickier when it comes to the quality of art and writing. there's just so much stuff to pick from now that i want to dedicate my time only to stuff that i really enjoy. i just don't have enough time to read every single webcomic i come across anymore

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

in the past I used to read a bunch of comedic absurdist humor comics (I still do) but it's been buffed out by romance . Same vein like Cara said, I'm just picking and choosing which comics I spend my time on but I do want to try to read as much as I can tho!

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I feel like I used to read LEGO comics a lot lol... I'm not sure how many of them still hold up. In terms of genre, the only comics I struggle to read are ones that are more realistic, or darker. Historical comics often fall into this, as do most horror comics.(edited)

RebelVampire

For me, my tastes haven't necessarily changed in terms of the what I like. What has changed is what I dislike. As the years have gone by, I've really been more open to at least giving comics a try before deciding they aren't for me, especially in the genres I consistently don't like like comedy. So I've gradually disliked less comics. Not to say I like them either or they're for me, but it's a step up from dislike since now I can appreciate what the comics are trying to do more. I think the bigger change for me was art styles though. While I still do have a specific sort of art preference, I've also been more open to giving certain art styles I don't normally like more of a try as well and I've found the styles I dislike (personally, not objectively in terms of talent) to be a much smaller pool than it was before.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh man, I'm the opposite. I feel like I've gotten pickier

varethane

I can't tell if I've gotten pickier or if the bar has just gotten high enough now that if I only have the bandwidth to read X number of webcomics (let's say 20 as a random example), and I'll be picking from among those which stand out to me, those 20 comics will be on a totally different level than the 20 I might have found 10 years ago

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I think I've also gotten pickier

The biggest change, I think, is that I've gotten way pickier about storytelling

While I used to be able to read a comic with subpar storytelling. I drop comics in an instant these days if the story doesn't speak to me pretty quickly(edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I think it's because when I started reading comics, everything was new and novel. Now there're more tropes I recognize? And more problematic things that bother me, when before I would not have noticed

Deo101 [Millennium]

I dont think I've gotten pickier, per se, I think I just have very specific tastes and many things dont fit them which feels picky? but i can enjoy all kinds of genres, I kind of go into something 1: not wanting to think 2: not wanting to be offended and 3: wanting to laugh a bit? which isnt exactly a high bar to pass, but not many things will do that for me, which isnt because I'm a picky person, its jsut cause a lot of things arent made for peope like me?

varethane

I'm not consciously looking for 'only the best quality' by any means-- if there's anything I'm really looking for, it's a sense of passion and uniqueness, that feeling that the author is having a blast with the thing they're doing. But I feel like it's gotten harder to draw my attention (and readers' attention in general) without having a certain level of skill involved

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh, same. As my art gets better so does my eye for it

varethane

....and, yeah, I guess I've also gotten tired of certain tropes. Once I read 2 or 3 webcomics that do kinda the same thing, I'm less likely to pick up a fourth with the same general premise, even if it looks like it's well-made.

(sorry isekai....)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just absorb a lot of storytelling in many forms, so if the story doesn't grab me right away, I feel like I'm wasting time reading something, where I could be fulfilling my desire for more worthwhile storytelling elsewhere

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Oh true, there are so so many comics out there now

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Art quality plays into it a bit for me, but it's honestly primarily the storytelling

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Everything I read I could be reading 100 others of similar quality Really, why does anyone read my comic at all?

varethane

"good art will get readers to take a first look, good writing is what makes them stay"

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Art quality is very important to me but I've still read and loved a few stories will amateurish art

varethane

for me personally, the art's just gotta be good enough for me to not be distracted by it while I read

Deo101 [Millennium]

idk I think a lot of people stay through bad writing even if something looks good

also yeah i feel the same, about not wanting to be distracted

"does the art serve the story?" is all I really care about

varethane

art serving the story is the most important part. Art can LOOK amazing, but if the body language or expressions don't fit the story being told, it can make the writing seem worse lol

a friend of mine once referred to it as, like watching a well-written screenplay but with terrible miscast actors

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm, cause the only words we get are dialogue, the art has to be all the descriptive language. so if theyre not describing well, a lot is missing.

varethane

yeah

Deo101 [Millennium]

or I guess some comics have narration, too

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Narration can't do ALL of the work

varethane

yeah haha

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, one of my professors said that a rule of thumb of his about comics is "if you can read me the words and I know whats going on, it's not good comics."

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

The art definitely serves the story (or is supposed to), but if the story is bad from the beginning, I don't care how good the art is.

varethane

I have complicated feelings on that one, because I feel like it's actually pretty rare for me to consider a 'story' bad (at least insofar as we're talking about the core ideas of the plot). Most premises (if they're not actively offensive/poorly thought through), if written out as just a skeletal outline, could work just fine. IMO bad writing is a problem of execution, most of the time, rather than concept. (hedging my language here because there's always exceptions lol)

Deo101 [Millennium]

I would say I agree with you. I think writing and story are different concepts. There is also sort of a macro/micro element to writing, as well, and either one can be messed up

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, I misspoke, what I mean by "bad story" is more "bad storytelling/writing"

but yes

carcarchu

a friend of mine once referred to it as, like watching a well-written screenplay but with terrible miscast actors

@varethane oh i have read stuff like this. like the art was INCREDIBLE really detailed renders, very consistent and technically fantastic art but so often it just devolved into shot / reverse shot talking heads and the characters didn't really emote beyond changing the position of their eyebrows so it kinda felt like watching dolls interact with each other

RebelVampire

I mulled over the fact I took the opposite route as everyone else. XD For me I think it's three factors. First, I was actually ungodly picky in my youth across the board with everything, not just comics. As such, I've missed out on a lot of things other people love. Second, with each passing year, I've come to appreciate more the work people put into their indie projects. And for me its like a show of respect in a way to acknowledge that hey, you worked on this thing I may not like, but I'll try it because you clearly love what you created (or I hope you love it). Third, and probably the bigger factor, I stuck myself in a positive feedback loop. The more I opened myself up to things and learned to not initially dislike things or be as harsh, the more I ended up finding a gem I really loved. In fact, while this is across diff industries, I'd say this has been the biggest influence for me with webcomics because so many webcomics I was like "Well I'll try it gotta be open and not just dislike it," and then I came away going "Wow this is a diamond in the rough!"

[honkytonk-hangman]

I WROTE A BOOK REPORT FOR YOU because I love this fic so damn much and I want you to know <3

I love Marlee, I love Javy, I love Marlee and Javy together. <3

I love that within seconds Marlee has assessed that Jake is good and safe and would be better for her to be around than what she already is!

“Me, of course.” BE STILL MY BEATING HEART

Maybe I’m reading into it too much, but it definitely feels like Jake is giving her an out when she says they can talk about it later, and he immediately agrees and it just feels so sweeettt

I would love to know whats in their roommate contract omg

Jake cooking is something that can really be so personal, as in, it is personal TO ME and I LOVE IT

As is jake playing animal crossing with his niece while facetime

The way you write jake is so similar to the way my husband behaves and i married him for a reason. The preferring to read, the strict daily routines, everything having a place, not being a clean-freak, but being incredibly orderly and well-kept and especially the washing, drying and ironing (hubby is ex-army so this all tracks lol)

I can FEEL her need

And jake incorporating her into his routines, its such an underrated love language!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DID HE BUILD HER THAT RACK?! Im going to pass out

Part of me wonders if jake notices/noticed her nightmares/how much he knew about her past when she moved in?

Also the love language of noticing someone else's routines, like yeah most people wouldn't notice such details but its actually so sweet she knows right away something's out of the ordinary, even if nothing was wrong. I know later on jake challenges her on whether or not he ever comes home and cries, and this makes me think this was one of those times.

Her putting his shoes away makes me soofffttt

And her noting the macros toooooooooooo my heeeaarrrrtttt

Im gonna bill you for my cardiologist ohmylord

I also love the subtle order or “how about you have some” when she tells him she’s made dinner?!??? Sometimes military men just need that especislly when they dont know what they need lmao

I WANNA KNOW THAT LOOK ON HIS FACE IM PICTURING CHARLIE FROM SET IT UP ON THE FLOOR WITH THE PIZZAAAA

Her doing his washing is really sweet and touching too, its like, he;’s not the only one incorporating her into routine, whether she knows it or not, she’s picking up that slack and URHGHRUGH big love

Good call on leaving him to iron them though, i couldn’t figure out my hubby’s even if i wanted to, and im ex-army myself lmao (different countries but still)

:(

0/10 would kill her dad tbh

Jake in NWU’s?!?!?!!? Almost enought o distract me from the big comfort of his big cuddly hug im soft

I cannot get over the way he seems so in tune with her, girl how do u not notice this mans cares for youuuuuu!!! Waiting to touch her!!! Partly why i wondered before how much he knows!

Asking to touch her just end me now!!!!

Easing into the touch first as well, like, goddamn, he is actually perfect isn’t he?!

Him shushing gently and pulling her flush i just……. You write these moments of comfort so fucking well, they’re so intimate and comfortable and sweet. They’re sparse in the best way. In moments like this you dont tend to notice every detail, you just get the big things that stick  in your mind and you describe and get those ideas across so perfectly they really feel so easy to imagine or picture because of that!

‘his hold on you doesn’t waiver once while you cry’ this is WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT ITS TEN WORDS BUT IT SAYS ONE THOUSAND!!!!!

WHY DO I GET THE FEELING HE DOESN’T WANT TO LET HER GO IM GOING TO CRY

Just always just LOOKING lmao love that for him big stare-y boy

The way he also doesn’t push or ask her further questions when she clearly doesn’t bring it up. Perfect 10/10 perfect man perfect friend. Even after he does ask, he still doesn’t push just. Love that.

Why can i perfectly picture him shoving salad in his mouth lmao why xD

Big sucker for a man who calls me ‘darlin’ gotta say

“I got ten minutes before I have to go. What would you like to do?” you beautiful man. You beautiful beautiful man (and writer for writing him like this <3)

Him making her smile with a dumb story is gorgeous but what makes me think theres some level of truth here…… me thinks somebody did go too hard on a slip and slide at some point in his life xD

“ITS THE PRETTIEST THING IVE SEEN ALL DAY” okay whore, want to offer her your hand in marriage too??????? God end me i love him

Jake dressing for the day is literally my fave thing and new headcanon. I just love it so much it feels so natural and perfectly encapsulating of jake.

I know you said this is a highly specific characterisation but it feels so right, i never once in this fic think or feel ‘nah i cant really see hmi doing that’ it all feels so perfect and in line with what we’ve seen

I love the idea of him thinking a suit (or at least that suit) is absolutely not a date outfit.

Im picturing him as charlie young 10000%%%%%

Also made my tummy go all funny when he comments about her dressing as the ‘other’ type of accountant and imagining him having the same thought she did about fucking on the table I literally cannot go on––

The change in demeanour between “i could do them for you” to “go get your W2’s” 🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴 SIR take me

I know usually you should listen to people when they tell you who they are, but like, fuck, jake, you;re the sweetest asshole in the world.

And then he thanks he afterward too like babey man you really think you’re a douchebag doing your roommates taxes and dressing like an accountant and ordering pizza and wanting her to pay less because he’s SWEET

He may not be an asshole, but he IS a dumbass i love him

I love when he calls her sugar it makes my heart go all funnyyyyy

HIM ACCEPTING HER CRITISIM OF HIM AND SAYING HE’LL WORK ON IT IS JUST 

LIKE A MAN WHO CAN BE TOLD HE’S WRONG??????????????????????? OR CAN TAKE CRITICISM?????????????

Jake: I’m a bad man!!! Now let me do ur taxes and take care of rent and cook u dinner and–

He’s baby

Also love his immediate understanding and acceptance of her requesting him not to use a word around her without any explicit explanation.

Like regardless of if he knows her background the fact he just goes “i won’t do it again and im sorry” is just *chefs kiss*

WHY IS HE PREPARING TO BE PUNISHED NO THIS HURT MY HEART BAD AUTHOR!! (good author tho really thank u ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️)

WHO TOLD HIM HE’S BAD WHO HURT HIM 

Kissing her forehead i just cant with him i want to kiss his forehead one million times. I want to kiss both their foreheads.

I love the idea of jake just ignoring the door lmao

I want to shake her but in a loving gentle non-physical way like baby jake has got you. HE’S GOT YOU.

My brain is going all brbrbrbrbrbrbrrrrrrrrrrrrr over jake being protective i just– BRRRRRRRRR

He’s being all reasonable i– BRRRRRRRRRRRRR

BBBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

What an asshole though, he dad fucking sucks i hate him you’ve written him so realistically despicable i am viscerally cringing i ahte him jake beat him uuuppppppppppp

I love baby girl so much she’s so worried for jake and he’s out there willing to go rambo for her i just– babyyyyyyyyyyy

He wuvs herrrrrrrrrrrrrr

YOU LOVE JAKE MORE THAN YOU ARE SCARED STOP IT I CANNOT

“Our home” when i first read this i thugh jake said it for some reason i guess i was hallucinating from lack of oxygen but i love it even more that its her making that claim, laying that out, it feels like such a huge step forward i –

I cannot tell you how much i cannot even process properly the post-father interruptus moments.

I need to read word by word

Jake listening to her and trusting and coming back inside even though he wants to stay i love him i love him i love him

Him holding her and refusing to let go and holding her and refusing to–––––– you’re going to kiiiilllll meeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is a better woman than me i would have let jake crack his skull in two tbh

I really actually respect her for not letting jake kiss her then and there like, for once in a fic it doesn’t feel contrived at all it’s like, yeah babe, i dont want himto kiss me cause the emotions are running high and he’s feeling protective, even if he does really feel for her, i feel her 100000%

I cannot get over how mama bear jake goes. Just picks her up wholesale and carries her to his den, where he knows he can guard her and keep her safe and thats all his mind is thinking about and that extends to making her FEEL safe so putting on her comfort film i just love this characterisation of he goes into barebones mode and barebones jake is a big loving protector and guardian and i LOVE THEM

HE WANTS TO LISTEN TO HER AND BUILD HER A SHED AND JUST ACCOMMODATE HER AT EVERY TURN I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

AND ‘WE’LL MOVE’ ?!@?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! JAKE HAS ALREADY PICKED OUT A TUX AND A WEDDING VENUE AND A DATE BRO YOU FORGOT TO TELL HER

His hand on her knee made my tummy go wobbly

“Not my callsign” gets me everytime i love him.

I know we spoke in dm’s but i love your descriptions and characteristics of Jake’s behaviours so much.

As someone with diagnosed OCD behaviours i felt it so hard.

You write his stress and obsession and everything so fricken well.

I also picked up on this on the fiftieth re-read, but Marlee only cooking for two reasons, and i noticed she was cooking when we first meet her too and it was when reader came over all stressed fromwhat had happened before the story started so what im saying is I LOVE THIS DETAIL

Love that they’re playing halo part of me wants to know who is playing Chief who is playing Arbiter lmao

I love this comfort group, and i love Javy and Marlee so mmuuuchchhhh

“Maybe. Maybe he does feel more.” GIRL YEAH I CAN SEE IT FROM THE HUBBLE TELESCOPE

Her so desperately trying to find the last two pieces!!!!

JAKE HAVING ALREADY SAVED THEM FOR THE BOTH OF THEM I JUST I CAN’T IM SOBBING

The puzzle table

The puzzle TABWL

THE PUZZLETBALE

Coley just shoot me

Jake sketching is something so personal

I love that they’re married already and we all missed the wedding

“Go navy” “that’s right, Honey” im weeping sobbing crying passing out

“You liked doing a puzzle with me right” i need iv fluids

“YOU ARENT OTHER PEOPLE”

THE HEART NEXT TO THE WOOD SHE PICKED OUT I JUST CANNOOOOTTTTTTT

Puzzle naps <3

I love how she’s made up her mind; she will go after him, it just sends me, i love them i love this i love YOU for writing it and sharing it with us. What a blessing. What a gift.

This fic is perfect. I have read it one thousand times i estimate. I keep coming back to it, i just cant get over how perfect Jake is, and how realistic and down to earth the reader feels. I really feel like i can step into her shoes and you write so beautifully its easy to feel everything as it happens. Its so perfectly affecting.

Thank you again for sharing this with us <3

Thank you for listening to my book report!!!!!!!!~!!!

Double Tap

Summary: You were hesitant when your friends told you about their other friend who needed a roommate. Living with a man, let alone a Naval aviator, isn't your ideal living situation. However, you are desperate to get out of your current house. So, you will have to suck it up and make a deal with Jake "Hangman" Seresin. Now you just wish he would stop doing things that make you fall in love with him.

Pairings: Jake "Hangman Seresin x Fem! Civilian! Reader, minor Javy "Coyote" Machado x OC

Word count: 19k

AO3 LINK

Warnings: Abuse (Implied and mentioned), confrontation with Abuser, Child abuse (mentioned), Slow burn, Implied calorie counting, routines and compulsions, Jigsaw puzzles, taxes, Neurodivergent coded! Hangman, Fiscally responsible!Hangman, Protective!Hangman. Please let me know if I missed any for this part, I know it is a long one.

Authors Note: This got so completely out of hand. It started as one scene and then grew a mind of its own. Part two is written, just not edited, I'm planning on having that done later this week. Hangman Coyote BFF supremacy.  I apologize for writing the most hyper-specific!Jake you have probably ever read. 85% of his personality is just things I find attractive in men.

Thank you so much if you take a chance to read this work. I hope you enjoy it. My inbox is always open if you want to let me know your thoughts. Reblogs with your thoughts, opinions, and tags are gold to me. I love reading through them.

You had been at your friend Marlee's house for almost an hour before she couldn't stop herself from confronting you. She had at least let you get settled and offered you a drink while pretending to be distracted by the lasagna she was making. She had spun towards you expectantly when it was in the oven, having reached her limit on waiting. 

"What happened?" Marlee asks. 

"It's nothing." You respond. 

"It is something. I don't want to reread your texts back to you, babes."

"Marls," you sigh, briefly closing your eyes, trying to fight the exhaustion you feel. 

"You can't live there anymore. We need to get you out."

"Yeah, let me just move and find a place to live. It's not that easy, Marlee." 

She sighs heavily. "I know, babes, but at least stay here with Javy and me. If he touches you like that again."

"It was just a one-time thing," you quickly cut her off. But, from the pitying look in her eyes, she knows it hasn't been just this one time. 

"If something happened."

"Nothing is going to happen." Marlee was too bright and too good of a friend. She knew something had already happened, and she knew things had been happening. Her frown and eyebrow raise say it all. 

"I can't just crash here," you say. 

"You are always, always welcome."

"You are," a voice pops up, and you both look over to the couch. You thought Marlee's husband, Javy, was thoroughly invested in the game he was playing on his Xbox, but it turns out he had an ear on your conversation. 

It wasn't something that bothered you. You loved Javy, he had been an excellent partner to Marlee, and you considered him a friend. He was fun and easygoing, something you hadn't expected from a Navy man. You also weren't bothered because everyone knew they were the type of couple that told each other absolutely everything. So, Javy would have found out one way or another.

"I know that. Thanks, you two." You tell them, trying to get them off your back. 

"Marlee is right. We can't have anything happening to you."

"Nothing is going to happen to me, Javy," you say, now trying to reassure them and stop this unnecessary worrying. 

"You know. I have a friend who has actually been looking for a roommate." Javy says. 

"You do?" you ask, surprised you hadn't heard about this sooner. 

"Yeah, I mean, he can be a lot. But he is a good guy and a great roommate."

"Who ?" Marlee cuts in. 

"Jake."

"Hangman?"

"Yeah, Hangman." The two of them stare at each other, and you can see that they are having one of those conversations of glances and small expressions you weren't entirely privy to understanding. 

Marlee then shrugs, nodding, and looks back at you, "It would be a nice safe place." 

"I mean, it's an option and would be a nicer place to stay than anything else you'll find. Plus, someone who is not a total stranger as a roommate." Javy tells you. He pulls off his headset and makes his way to the kitchen. He sets his hand on your shoulder and gives you a kind smile. 

"I'm not sure about living with a man."

"If you don't want to live with Jake or you aren't interested, we will find somewhere else. Or you stay here with us, but you can't stay there anymore." The seriousness behind Javy's smile isn't lost on you. So you start to slowly nod. 

"I guess I could at least chat with your friend if y'all think it's a decent option." 

"Yeah, for sure," Javy said with a grin. "I'll ask him about it, then maybe y'all can meet this weekend. We are still having a big bonfire on the beach. I'm sure he will be there."

"Oh, I wasn't planning on going to the bonfire." You start to say, which makes both Javy and Marlee frown.

"Why aren't you coming to the bonfire?"

You tried to think of a valid excuse beyond that being in open public spaces was terrifying to you right now. An excuse past the fact that you knew your bruises wouldn't be gone by Saturday. 

"I've just been stressed about finding a place to live, you know." You gave them both a weak smile, but neither of your friends seemed appeased. 

"Well, now you have a reason to come," Marlee says. 

"Yeah, exactly, and I'll talk to Jake." Javy presses a kiss to your forehead and then a lingering one to Marlee's lips. He returns to the couch, but not before looking at you seriously. "You know if you ever need anything, you call us?"

"Sir, yes sir," you tell him with a laugh, making Marlee giggle too. 

Even with Javy's reassurances, you are unsure about this whole idea. However, whoever this friend Jake is, you know he had to be better than your current living situation. After dinner, Marlee and Javy both reiterate their feelings on the whole issue before you leave their house. You did your best to wave them off and tell them you would see them in a few days.  

When Saturday rolls around, you head to the pin Marlee sent you for the bonfire. You are thankful it is a cooler day and will only be colder once the sun sets. It allows you to not look so out of place in your conservative clothes, ensuring all your bruises are covered. 

You arrive purposefully late and park far from the beach. By the time you make it to the group of people, you have sufficiently hyped yourself up to interact with the others. You decide to ease yourself into the party. You walk around the different coolers, opening them and investigating the available drink options. 

You are in the middle of shuffling through one when you hear a voice behind you.

"Anything specific I can help you find, sweetheart?" You turn around and are met with one of the most attractive men you have ever met. He is tall, with dirty blonde hair and a pair of sunglasses perched on his nose. 

"I'm just browsing," You tell the man with a shrug, proud of yourself for being able to put together a sentence. 

"I think I know what would be perfect for you, sweetheart.

"Oh really?"

"Yeah," He says, flashing you a grin. His smile makes something in your stomach swoop a tiny bit. 

"And, what would that be?" you say, raising an eyebrow. 

"Me, of course."

You can't help the shocked laugh that falls out of your throat. Which just makes his handsome smile widen. 

"I was thinking something a bit stronger, actually."

"I know I look like a tall glass of water but let me tell you, I won't disappoint you."  

"Well, looks certainly can be deceptive."

"That's true. Are you really as sweet as you look?" 

Before you can answer, you hear Javy's voice to your right. "Oh good, you two already met." 

You turn your head to see Javy jogging over. He stops next to you with a smile on his face. You process his words and feel your stomach drop. The incredibly handsome man you were trying to flirt with was Javy's friend. Javy's friend he thought you could live with. 

"There haven't been any formal introductions," you say. 

"Jake Seresin," he says. He sticks out his hand, waiting for you to shake it. You take his hand, give it a firm shake, and share your name. He repeated it softly, giving your hand an extra squeeze before letting go. 

"Javy said you are looking to move," Jake says casually. Your voice seems stuck in your throat. You examine Jake's handsome face again and know you can't do this.

"Yeah, she is. Soon, too." Javy says after you haven't said anything leaving an awkward pause. 

"I have lots of space."

"Oh well, you know." You say, trying to figure out what to say by saying nothing at all. Jake nods along with you, but his eyebrows pull close together while his eyes narrow. 

"Plus, Jake is really clean," Javy adds. 

"That is good to know. Maybe Jake and I can talk about it later?" You say, giving both of them a smile. You turn back to the coolers and grab the first drink you see. 

"Yeah, we can talk about it later. Javy owes me a spike ball game anyways," Jake says. He flashes you another smile while grabbing a High Noon out of the cooler, gesturing for Javy to do the same. You leave them to find Marlee and chat with some other people at the party. 

You are considering how to best say goodbye and leave the party while sitting next to the fire later. You stare into the flames hoping they might provide you answers. 

"You would actually be doing me a huge favor by moving in, "Jake says to you casually. You are startled by his sudden presence, and you look over at him, quirking an eyebrow in response.

"Oh really?" 

"Yeah. I haven't had a roommate for a while, and I would prefer someone who isn't in the military. I don't want to bring work and ranks home. You know?"

"Oh yeah, sure, that makes sense," you say, following his line of logic. 

"Also, rent these days is," Jake doesn't finish the sentence, instead just whistling quietly.

"Yeah, rent is expensive," you laugh. You find it much easier to talk to Jake if you don't have to look directly out at him. 

"You don't have to let me know right now, but I don't have any issues with it."

"We haven't talked about it much," you tell him, surprised he had decided so quickly.

"There is this saying that beggars can't be choosers."

"I would want a roommate contract. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, that would be fine by me, Sugar."

"Okay, cool, but we should think about it."

"Tonight is a party, and we are supposed to be having fun. Not doing business. So, why don't you text me, and we will hash out the details this week. Plus you can see the place, which you would probably want. Maybe you could move in next weekend if we can work it all out?"

Part of you thought you shouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, so you decided to text Jake throughout the week to hash out the details. And the next thing you know, Javy, Marlee, and Jake are helping you move your stuff. 

Living with Jake wasn't as hard as you worried it would be. In fact, it was much easier than you were anticipating. Jake led his life with strict regiment and routine. It was something that stretched beyond that he was in the military. 

Jake would wake up in the mornings and go on a run before coming home, making breakfast, showering, and going to work. Then he would come home, change and go to the gym, come home, shower again because he needed to, and then eat dinner. Every night if you were home while he was cooking, Jake would always offer you some. That leads you to find out he is a phenomenal chef. 

Then Jake would read in the large armchair in the living room and half-watch whatever you put on the TV to watch yourself. He only requested to use the TV when one of his sports teams was playing or on Wednesday nights, where he would spend an hour and a half playing Animal Crossing with his niece while they facetime. 

You had told Jake that the TV was his, and he didn't have to ask you to use it. Jake just laughed and shrugged before telling you he wasn't the biggest TV guy. Jake had been telling the truth when he said that. You realized that Jake was more interested in his books. If he wasn't reading a book, he sat silently with one of his sudoku puzzles and country music playing on vinyl. Then Jake would go to bed after whatever chores he deemed he should do. 

It was a strictly followed pattern, only differing on Fridays when he would sometimes go out to a bar with the guys or sometimes Saturdays. However, even on the weekends, he would follow the schedule closely. Regardless if he had gone to the bar, he would still wake up outrageously early in the morning, work out, do chores, and then go to the gym again. Sometimes Jake would venture out of the house to see his friends, but more often than not, he was reading or in the workshop in the garage with some project. 

Marlee had not prepared you for how amazingly hot Jake was. When you moved in, he had been very polite, if a bit curt. Never venturing to flirt with you again like when you first met. As the weeks living with Jake passed, though, he definitely warmed up to you. But still never pushed the roommate line between you. 

You worked hard to push your attraction for Jake to the side or shove it into a safe in the back of your mind. That was a challenging task to accomplish because, just like Javy said, Jake was very clean. It wasn't that he was a clean freak per se, but he was definitely an orderly and well-kept person. Everything in the house had a place it belonged. 

Jake always did his dishes and tidied up after himself in your common areas. He also never leaves any of his laundry waiting around. You had watched in a mix of awe and horror the first time he pulled out clothes from the dryer within five minutes of the machine going off. Then Jake started folding, halfway through the laundry, stoping to pull out an iron and ironing board. 

The sight was all so attractive that you had to excuse yourself upstairs. That was something that you often had to do. Anytime you felt heat build in you towards your roommate, you would quickly excuse yourself. You knew giving into your attraction for Jake in any shape or form would not lead anywhere good. You needed a place to live, and this place you had with Jake was way too good to risk anything. 

Given his career choice, it was not entirely surprising how regimented Jake is. However, what did surprise you was when he started to incorporate you into his routines in small ways. Jake would automatically set out an extra plate for you when cooking, and picks up snacks you like from the store. One day you come home and find a second shoe rack by the door just for you. On the days you had to be up for work, you would find that Jake had already put your morning drink together for you when he returned from the gym and was making his own breakfast. You like the steady rhythm and consistency that living with Hangman provides you. It's seamless and easy to fall into step with him. 

You had been living with Jake for a few months, and things were going really well, almost too well you sometimes felt like it was too good to be true. Your nightmares weren't as frequent. You get full nights sleep and feel comfortable here with Jake. The only times you don't feel content are the times that you think about how hot Jake is. Or when Jake does something that makes it hard not to try and smash your lips against his in a heated, passionate kiss. 

Then one day, you get home from work, and worry suddenly sweeps over you as you glance at your phone and realize what time it is. The house is completely dark and quiet. Jake should have been home several hours ago and on his way to the gym already. In fact, right about now was when he should have been getting home from the gym.  

You resist the urge to call Jake and check that he is okay. You know that action would be overstepping the roommate boundaries that exist clearly between you. You tell yourself it's silly to worry all because he wasn't following the schedule you made up for him in your head. It's not like Jake had ever written down his routine and given it to you. Maybe today was a special anniversary, or maybe he had after-work plans you didn't know about. 

Your worry is eased about twenty minutes later when you hear Jake's truck pull into the driveway, followed by the garage door rumbling open. You find yourself easing further into the couch, some of the tension you weren't wholly conscious of easing out of your body.  

Jake comes in, and you cut your eyes over to see him still in his flight suit. He doesn't say anything to you as he unlaces and kicks off his shoes. He passes you while walking to the stairs and manages a short but gruff hello. Then, without another word, he is gone. You stare after his back in shock. Something is definitely not right with Jake. 

He left his shoes sprawled on the ground by the door. It was not a sight you had ever seen in the house, not even the times Jake had stumbled home drunk and giggly. Jake always pulled off his boots, neatly tucking the laces in and then setting them up on his small shoe rack by the door. 

You get up from the couch and walk over to fix his shoes, tucking in the laces. You tell yourself it is so no one will trip over them, not for any other reason. Then you hear Jake's shower turn on, and the water runs much longer than the twenty-minute showers you are used to him taking. It all feels so odd and out of place. You decide to make some pasta for dinner, convinced Jake is planning on not eating at all with how far he is off his schedule. 

You are just finishing dinner when the water in his bathroom finally shuts off. Then fifteen more minutes later, Jake comes downstairs in a pair of plaid pajama pants and a thread-bare Annapolis shirt. He appears to be looking around downstairs, almost a bit dazed and lost. 

"I made dinner. How about you have some?" You call out to him from the kitchen. Jake follows your voice to the kitchen and looks at the food you have made and dishes up. Hesitantly he sits down at the table. 

"If you don't mind."

"Of course not. I know this may shock you since you normally cook, but I can do it too." 

"I've never thought that you couldn't cook." Jake quickly responds. 

"I know, Jake. I'm just teasing you. Now eat up." 

Jake follows orders and takes a bite of the pasta, letting out a small groan. "So good," he mumbles before taking another bite. 

"Do you want the macros?" You ask him conversationally after eating in silence for a few minutes. 

"Oh. No, thank you. I appreciate you making something and sharing. No need for you to put in extra work. I will be fine not tracking my macros for one meal," Jake says. 

"Okay," you say and give him the kindest smile you can think of. You don't want to push him on why he isn't okay. However, you can't stop yourself from sliding the piece of paper you wrote the macros on across the table to him anyways. 

Jake stares at the note card for a long moment and then looks up at you. It's not a look you have ever seen on your roommate's face before. You aren't entirely sure how to decipher the way his green sea-glass eyes are gleaming back at you. He folds the paper once before putting it in his pocket. 

Jake clears his throat, and the edges of his lips quirk up. "Thank you."

"Of course, anytime, Jake," you say back. He puts away his plate a few minutes later after finishing his food. Then packs up the leftovers into some tupperware. 

"I'm going to bed," Jake tells you. Jake doesn't even stop to grab the current book he is in the middle of from where it is placed next to his chair in the living room. 

The moment Jake disappears up the stairs, you are frowning again, considering his behavior. It bugged you, something clearly was off, but you weren't in the position to ask him what it was. As you start to settle down for the evening, you notice that Jake had put it in the laundry basket next to the washer that morning. Seeing that you knew he originally had every intention of starting it before going to the gym that night something that never happened.

You briefly considered that maybe it isn't normal how you have memorized his routine, but also maybe that was just part of living with Jake. You didn't even think before you were throwing his laundry in the washer for him. You stay up to put the clothes in the dryer. Then you find yourself folding items and hanging some of them, not confident that you could iron them correctly. About halfway through the chore, you stop realizing just what you are doing but finish it out, imagining the look on Jake's face when he sees his laundry done. You are in too deep to back out at this point. 

🏡🧩🏡

You knew it wasn't the best idea that morning when you had left to go pick up some of your remaining stuff and random mail from where you used to live. However, you didn't expect it to go as badly as it had. You were still shaking from the interaction you had when you got home. Every moment of the interaction repeats over and over in your head. You hazardously throw your keys into your little key bowl, not caring to notice Jake's there as well. 

You were still trying to take calming breaths and push away the tears streaming down your face. Standing at the entrance to the living room frozen, you aren't sure if you are actually at home or back there with him. 

You startle and jump, letting out a small shriek, hearing a sound in the kitchen. You turn slowly, shocked to see Jake staring at you dressed in his NWUs instead of his flight suit. You are equally surprised by the sight of him home in the middle of the day, in a uniform you rarely see him wear. 

The adrenaline of being scared forces your brain into letting go of the nerves and panic you had barely been keeping in check. Tears spring freely from your eyes as you take gasping breaths. J ake sets down the knife he is holding and takes long strides across the room to quickly reach your side. His hands hover near you but don't actually touch. 

"What's wrong?" Jake asks in a deep voice. 

You just shake your head at him, unable to respond, instead focusing on getting air into your lungs. 

"Can I touch you?" Jake asks then, and that does seem okay, so you jerkily nod your head yes. 

First, his hands settle lightly on your shoulders. Once it seems like you are okay and comfortable with that. Jake goes a step further and wraps his arms around you, pulling you flush against his chest. You press your face into the material of his shirt. Your hands come up to bunch it slightly on his chest as you find purchase to clutch him closer. 

He makes gentle shushing noises but otherwise doesn't say anything while holding you. He is so warm, and his arms feel strong around you. Jake's hold on you doesn't waiver once while you cry. Only relaxing slightly when your sniffles and crying start to level out and you let go of his shirt. 

You take one more deep breath of him. Jake smells of a pleasant mix of his body wash, y'all's fabric softener, and his cologne. Letting the calming effect of the smell flood your system before letting go of your hold on him completely, only then does Jake let his arms slip away. 

Pulling away from the hug, you shyly look to see Jake's face. You find that he is already looking at you. For one of the first times since you met him, you don't like how Jake's face looks. There is a soft and sad demeanor that you see in his eyes. His eyebrows crease and his lips are pressed into a flat line. You feel embarrassment and shame flood you. The way that you just broke down and cried on your roommate, fully processing in your muddled tired head. 

"You're home," you eventually say, trying to break the ice and put a brave face back on. 

"Yeah, I'm not flying today. So, I had the time to come home for lunch."

"Sorry to interrupt." You say, looking down to examine your feet. 

"You didn't interrupt anything," Jake reassures you. He goes back to the kitchen, and you watch as he continues to cut ingredients for his salad.

"Do you want me to make you anything?" He asks.

"No, thank you. "You say not feeling even a little hungry. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jake asks next. 

"No, thank you," you say again and settle at the kitchen island to watch Jake cut the veggies and toss them in a big bowl. 

"Okay," he says. You like that Jake doesn't push you for things. He respects the boundaries you set and doesn't even try to toe up against them. 

"Am I allowed to know why you aren't flying today? I thought someone had broken in. Plus, I hardly recognize you out of a flight suit."

"You don't like these?" Jake asks, looking at the Navy camo print he is wearing as if this uniform suddenly offended him. 

"I didn't say that," you tell him, giving a small laugh. Obviously, Jake could make anything look good, even things that shouldn't. 

"Can't fly every day." He says with a shrug. "Also, I'm going through some maintenance stuff and checks with my sailors." 

You hum, but otherwise, don't comment watching Jake wash the knife and cutting board he had been using then. Then, after he drys them and puts them away, he turns back to you. 

"There isn't anything to be embarrassed about," he tries to venture lightly. 

"You don't come home and cry on me," you say, frowning. 

"You sure about that one?" He asks, shoving a mouthful of salad into his mouth. 

"Pretty sure that I would remember such an occasion." 

Jake just hums. One of those sounds that makes you feel like he doesn't actually agree. A few bites of his food later, he sets his bowl down. His green gaze is trialed on you, but then he glances at his watch, huffing in annoyance. 

There is a slight caving feeling inside you. You feel bad. How much of Jake's lunch have you taken up? You had never actually seen him come home for lunch before, so he must not get a long time. 

"I do all the time. Maybe just a bit less of the wet physical crying." Jake tells you, putting a container lid on his bowl.

"You could," you utter to him, a little embarrassed. 

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, wouldn't bother me if you ever needed to. You know. I'm here for you."

"Thank you, Darlin," Jake says. Then glances at his watch again. "I got ten minutes before I have to go. What would you like to do?"

"I'm fine," you tell him. "You should use that time to eat." 

"I'll munch while I'm doing some paperwork later."

That was a lie. You knew that Jake would never eat around paperwork. However, it was the kind of lie that settles warmly. It was one of those lies born with good intentions and made to be soothing. You could never be upset that he is even trying to comfort you at his own expense. 

"I don't want to talk about it, Jake." You reiterate again.  

"I know, and you don't have to. I won't ask again. However, if you ever decide that you do. I'm here for you too. Always." 

"Thank you, Jake. You're a really good roommate."

"I hope you can consider me a friend too?" 

"Of course, we are friends too," you reassure him. Jake's lips quirk upwards, his dimples flashing upon hearing that. 

"Now, I can't go back to work without seeing at least one smile." 

"That's a pretty tall order." 

"Well, they don't call me the best for nothing."

"Do they really call you the best or is that something you just tell people?" You ask him, mostly joking. Jake pretends to take offense, pressing his hand dramatically to his chest. 

"Ma'am, you wound me," Jake says, pouting. 

"I don't know. I think it is a pretty legitimate question." 

"I am the best." 

"And how do they determine that exactly? Who the best is." 

"Well, there are a lot of ways. Many different factors to consider." 

"Oh really?" 

"Yup. Also sorts of stuff, but they get us all together once a year, and we have a competition." 

"What kind of competition?"

"Only the elite members of the Navy participate. We all take turns sliding." 

"Sliding?" 

"Yup," Jake confirms, sounding one hundred percent serious. "We set up a huge slip and slide on the carrier runway. You only get three tries, and then we add them for scoring. I may have ripped off all the skin on my chest last year, but it was worth it to win." 

You can't help but let out a laugh. You picture Hangman competitively sliding down a yellow tarp that doesn't have enough water on it. It's such a silly concept you aren't sure where he came up with it. 

"Ahh there she is," Jake says with a broad smile. 

"I never would have thought that was a skill the Navy values." 

"Yes, Ma'am. It's actually the second part of the Naval academy mission," Jake tells you, still maintaining a serious tone despite his smile. Then Jake stands up straight to his full height in parade rest. 

"To develop Midshipmen morally, mentally and physically and to imbue them with the highest ideals of duty, honor and loyalty in order to graduate leaders who are dedicated to a career of naval service and have potential for future development in mind and character to assume the highest responsibilities of command, citizenship and government." Jake repeats dutifully and then adds. "In addition to putting these ideals to the test by hosting the world's most competitive slip and slide competition. Weirdly, people don't talk about that second part much." 

You only laugh harder, shaking your head at him. "Yeah, an absolute mystery. I can't believe that isn't common knowledge." 

Jake chuckles along with you. Then you two are interrupted by a timer going off from Jake's phone. He sighs and silents it. 

"I'm sorry. I've got to go, sugar. Are you going to be okay?" 

"Yeah. I promise I'm okay. Thank you, Jake." 

He bites his lip and nods at you going to put in his shoes and lace them back up. "Are you going to be home later?" 

"Yeah, I'll be home." 

"We could do something if you're feeling up for it. Or I can pick up takeout." 

"That's sweet, Jake, but you really don't have to." 

"I want to," he says with a shrug. Then checks his reflection in the mirror, making sure he is presentable to go back to work. After that, he turns back to you. 

"I'll think about it." You tell him before playfully shoving him out the door so he isn't late. You try not to melt when Jake gives you another hug. You catch his hand just before he is too out of reach.  

"Thank you, Jake. For making me smile."

"It's the prettiest thing I've seen all day," Jake says, squeezing your hand with his own. His words muddle your brain a little bit. You don't get to say anything else before he heads off to his truck, waving at you one more time and driving off. 

You also pretend you aren't screaming on the inside when Jake comes home from work that night with your favorite food and ice cream. The night feels easy and warm, sitting and eating with Jake. The events of that morning can't cross your mind while Jake tells you all about some of the weird contraband he found in the junior sailors' barracks that day. He is no less than spellbinding. 

🏡🧩🏡

Jake is sitting at the kitchen table when you get home from work. He is surrounded by neatly organized papers spread all along the table in various piles. Jake is wearing a button-down, tie, and slacks that make you do a triple-take on him.

"Welcome home," he says, glancing up from his laptop that is open in front of him. That's when you see he also has a pair of glasses on. 

"Thank you," you say, slowly making your way to the kitchen but still looking at him. 

"What are you working on there?" You ask. 

"Oh, I'm doing my taxes," Jake says while giving you one of his winning smiles. 

"Taxes?"

"Yes, Ma'am"

"I guess that makes sense," you say while looking around the kitchen for a snack. 

After a few minutes of silence, you decide to ask another question. "Do you have a date later?" 

You knew Jake dated. A man who looks like that has to date. However, you had yet to see him ever bring someone home, which felt odd considering everything about Jake, and the persona he liked to put on as Hangman.  

"No. What makes you ask that?" Jake asks you. 

"Oh. I don't know. You're dressed like you are going on a date."

"No, I'm not," he says, looking down at himself. 

You laugh at him and shrug. "If you say so."

"I would never wear this on a date," Jake mutters, clearly offended. 

"Well, then, why are you wearing it?"

"I'm doing taxes," he says again. 

"Yeah, we have covered that. What does that have to do with your clothes?"

"I'm dressed like an accountant," Jake tells you. You can't hold back your giggles at his phrasing and bring a hand up to your mouth to try and stifle them before giving up entirely. 

"What? What's so funny?" 

"Two things," you say, holding up two fingers, finally biting back your giggles. 

"One, the fact that you got dressed up to do your taxes. The second is that being an accountant is a euphemism for being a sex worker." Jake chuckles at your explanation but shrugs. 

"Well, Mrs. Celeste said I should always dress for the day. It helps you present your best self. If you dress the part, it helps you act that part." Jake says that like a well memorized and treasured quote. A saying he clearly remembered with much fondness.  

"And today is my tax day, so I am dressing like a tax professional. I will have you know. Since I started doing them myself, I have never had one problem with my taxes."

You couldn't help but chuckle more at his explanation and give him a fond smile. Sometimes the way Jake was so perfectly built and attuned for the military was endearing. Of course, a career Naval man would think a uniform was essential for each different activity. 

"So, are the glasses part of your tax uniform too?"  

He made a show of pushing the said glasses further up his nose. "Yes, Ma'am. They also are blue light blocking, which helps prevent migraines."

You nod along to his explanation. You finish putting together your snack and lean against the kitchen counter while munching on it. "Who is Mrs. Celeste? A teacher?"

Jake's lips flatten slightly before the expression relaxes just as quickly. "No, Mrs. Celeste is my Babula." 

"Your Grandmother?" You guess. 

"Yeah, sorry. My grandma, but she was strictly Mrs. Celeste growing up, only Babula occasionally." 

"I don't think I've met someone who calls their grandparent by their first name."

"Well, not really her first name. You have to be respectful and throw the Miss in there with it. She is a very particular lady."

"Is it a southern thing?"

"Yeah, maybe," he says with a small laugh. The edges of his lips quirk up, and you have to look away from Jake to distract yourself. It is easy to fall into the trap of how beautiful he is, with the sparkle he can get in his eyes. Or how even the smallest of his smiles makes you want to grin back. 

"So, how are the taxes?" 

"Oh, it's good. I'm almost finished up."

"Awesome, congrats Jake."

"Have you done yours?" He asks you. 

You shake your head and roll your eyes at the idea. "No, I definitely haven't."

"But you got your W2s in the mail last week."

"Jake, are you snooping through my mail?"

He raises both his hands up in defense. "No, I'm not! W2s just have a very particular look." 

"I'm just kidding. I know you wouldn't snoop through my mail. Yeah, I got them, but I've been busy. I guess I should make a Tax Masters appointment or something."

That crease in between Jake's eyebrows appears, the one that haunts you, that you pretend you don't obsess over. Followed by a small frown.

"Tax Master?" He asks, clearly appalled. You shrug back at him, not entirely seeing the issue. 

"I could do them for you," Jake says, then quickly adds on. "I mean, I can help you do them. If you have the time. I'm already dressed for it, and I won't charge you or anything."

"Oh no, Jake, that is so sweet, but I can't ask you to do that."

"No, really, I wouldn't mind. I think it would be fun. Plus, then you will have it done, and you won't have to worry about it." 

"Really, thank you so much, but it's fine." 

Jake's frown deepens at your answer, and he seems almost genuinely upset at your denial of his help. The warm feeling in your chest likes to flip over and grow a little bit more each time he is too sweet in moments like these. 

"You know Javy warned me that you were an asshole when I was going to move in. However, you have not once lived up to that. You could stand to be less nice to me, Jake." You tell him. You mean it to come off as almost flirty and a bit of a joke. However, it doesn't seem to land with him that way. 

The change that comes over Jake isn't something entirely tangible. It is almost like a shift in the air around him rather than anything physical. The way Jake looks at you just feels heavier and more charged. The confidence he always exudes seems to double with how he sits up just the smallest bit straighter but then leans back against his chair casually. 

"Go get your W2s." He tells you in a perfectly level tone, but it has a demanding edge. 

"Jake," you start to say and roll your eyes at him. 

"Nope," Jake says, popping the p. His voice takes on a lower candace, leaving no room for arguments. "I'm not giving you a choice. We are going to do your taxes." 

"No, we aren't doing my taxes." 

"Yes, I am. I can't be caught not living up to my reputation. So, I'm not going to be nice and accept that you don't want to. This is one of the few situations I won't take no for an answer." 

"It was just a joke." 

"No, it wasn't," Jake says, giving you a small shrug. You can't tell if he is actually hurt by how he is acting, but you suspect some part of him was twinged at his best friend's description. 

"It really was, Jake. Javy adores and trusts you. I'm sure he never would have suggested me moving in with you if he actually thought you were an asshole." 

"I know I'm an asshole. It's fine, sugar, don't worry. I'm not going to tattle on you telling me that to Coyote."

"You aren't an ass, though. That was my whole point."

Jake just shook his head at your answer. "I am one, and I don't want that to be a surprise when you inevitably witness it." 

You aren't sure how to respond to that, so you are relieved when Jake changes the topic. "Now, get your tax stuff, so it doesn't take us all night."

"Okay," you sigh, giving in to defeat. Jake gives you a mega-watt smile, and looks back at his computer screen. 

As you are walking up the stairs, you hear him yell across the house. "Dress like your best accountant self!"

"I won't be doing that," you yell back. 

"Please! It's important." Jake yells back.

When you are in your room getting all your stuff and paperwork pilled together. You find yourself opening your closet and pulling out an outfit that you could imagine wearing if you were an accountant.

You also spend several minutes too long wondering what would happen if you went back downstairs in the most provocative lingerie you own. After all, Jake didn't specify which type of accountant to dress up as. You wondered if it would be tempting to Jake. Could you provoke him into falling into lust with you? Tempt him enough that he took you on the dining room table on top of all the Tax paperwork? Jake has expressed attraction to women before, so there must be at least some part of him that is at least a little attracted to you. 

You smash down your thirsty thoughts and try to screw your head back on straight before it can drift too much off on track. When you get back downstairs, Jake is still at the table. You dump all your stuff on an empty spot there. 

Jake looks up from his computer and smiles at you, quirking an eyebrow. Then, Jake speaks to you teasingly, "And here I thought you might dress up as the other type of accountant you were telling me about." 

Your brain has no choice but to start short-circuiting, and you open and close your mouth twice. Jake starts shuffling through your paperwork, looking at what you have brought him. 

"I ordered us some pizza too," he says before you get out a proper response or say anything teasing back to him. 

"Yum. I'm excited," you tell him sliding into a seat and opening up your own laptop. 

He stops his shuffling and examination of the papers to level you with a serious look. "Thank you for indulging me, by the way." 

"Anything for you, Jake," you tell him and mean it. Unfortunately, the way you feel about your roommate is rapidly spiraling out of the tight control you tried to keep it in. 

"I like when we do fun things like this together," Jake says to you, grinning. 

"Me too," you tell him. Then add, "Only you would find taxes fun, though, Hangman."

"I am about to show you just how fun taxes can be and how you can get a great return," Jake says, taking your words in stride. 

Jake does your taxes almost entirely by himself, only asking occasional questions. He also then organizes all of your paperwork in an extra accordion binder he has. The taxes aren't fun, but spending time with Jake is.  

"Thank you," you say to Jake daring to press a soft, affectionate kiss to his cheek. You linger for a moment, the prickle of his end-of-day stubble ticking your lips, but you don't mind it.  When you pull back to gauge his reaction, Jake looks almost pained and upset. You worry for a moment that even just a cheek kiss could make him react this way. You briefly thank god you didn't actually try to seduce him earlier. 

"Always, anytime." He finally says. However, Jake is now glaring down at his keyboard and not looking at you. 

"I hope it wasn't too much trouble," you venture, confused by this mood shift. 

"Sugar?"

"Yes, Jake?" 

"I don't think you should pay so much rent." 

"What?"

"Listen," he runs a hand through his hair, pushing it all out of sorts. "I just don't think it's fair for you to pay so much."

"Of course, it's fair. I live here," you explain. 

"Yeah, but no. I get BAH, and I don't have any student loans from school. Plus, the Navy pays me plenty as an officer. I was paying for this place all alone before you moved in anyways."

"I'm not going to pay less rent because you saw my financials and feel bad." You tell Jake quietly, trying not to actively become upset. 

"Please don't be so stubborn," he pleads with you. 

You cross your arms over your chest, "Take your own advice."

"I'm the one being stubborn?" 

"Yes! You are. You are the most stubborn man I have ever met."

Jake's frown deepens, and that sad look in his eyes at your words starts to break through to you. Then he responds, "I'm sorry. I guess I'll try and work on that." 

Jake starts meticulously putting things away into different folders. He moves through each of his piles on the table and doesn't spare you a second glance. It leaves a crushing feeling in your chest. 

"I'm sorry for snapping at you." 

"There is no need to apologize. I'm the one who is sorry." Jake says, shrugging off your apology. 

"No, you don't need to apologize. I understand why you said what you did. I know you were trying to be sweet." You start to say but are cut off. 

"I wasn't trying to be sweet."

"Oh my god. Okay, fine, trying to be nice, then," you say, rolling your eyes. 

Jake sets down the folder he is currently holding, and it thumps a little bit on the table. The force and loud sound make you flinch. 

"I'm not sweet, nice, good, or kind. Okay? I'm not any of those things. I call things how I see them. I look at facts, figures, and numbers. Then I run calculations and act accordingly."

"And how is it mathematically possible that me paying less rent possibly works out for you, Jake? You will be losing money." As he shakes his head, he huffs at your words a little bit like they are funny. 

"You could do a lot and make a lot of gains if you paid less rent, and I don't mind picking up the extra amount. You might be one of the few people I haven't hated living with. I don't want you figuring out you need to live somewhere cheaper and moving out on me. So, I'm not being nice. I'm being a selfish asshole." Jake clenches his fists hard, and you see his knuckles start to turn paler. With a deep breath, he relaxes and shrugs. Loosening the tight coil of his muscles, Jake gives you a curt tight lipped smile with a nod. "I'm just a selfish asshole, okay?"

"Please stop. Don't say that."

"Why not? It's true," he says, rolling those beautiful eyes at you. 

"It's not true. Also, I would prefer if you don't use the word selfish around me, please." You say in a surprisingly steady voice. You don't really want to get triggered right now, and you could only hope that you wouldn't have to explain triggers to Jake. It takes him one moment to think and another to process before he says anything. 

"Oh fuck. I'm so sorry. I won't use it again." Jake promises, no questions asked. His words blow up a balloon in your diaphragm, making it feel like your breath is about to catch. Then he adds on, "If there are any other words…" He looks around and grabs a loose pen and one of his notebooks. Jake slides them across the table to you. "Write them down. Maybe? If you can." 

The warmth Jake inspires in your chest is unparalleled and drowns out anything you can think of aside from how endearing he can be and how fond you are of him. Jake doesn't take the lack of response from you well.  

"I'm sorry," he apologizes again. You spring from where you had been sitting, walking slowly and deliberately toward him. You make sure to give him plenty of time to protest and say something. 

Jake looks steadily back at you. However, he looks like he is preparing himself to be slapped or punished, holding perfectly still. Instead, though, you wrap Jake in a tight hug. He is stiff as a board beneath you. After a long moment, as you consider pulling away, Jake relaxes and wraps his arms around you. They are wrapped loosely at first but then tighten in small intervals until Jake is practically clinging to you. 

"You are so good," you whisper to him, a little dazed. You are almost stunned by how desperately Jake tries to pretend otherwise. 

"Don't say that," Jake whispers in a broken voice, hugging you a bit tighter. 

"Too good." You left the words for me unsaid, but you felt them. 

"I'm really not."

"It's okay if you don't see it. I see it for you. I'll make sure everyone else sees, too," you tell Jake curling your hands into a fist in his shirt. 

He doesn't say anything but keeps holding you tightly. You don't know how long the two of you stay embraced like that until Jake finally eases his grip on you, and you reluctantly pull away from him as well. 

He presses a lingering kiss to your forehead. "Please stop paying so much in rent," he requests again. 

"That will not be happening, Hangman."

"So stubborn." He sighs. Jake kisses your forehead again. He leaves his lips lingering, and you start to count the breaths memorizing how warm his lips are. Three breaths later, he is pulling away. Jake grabs his laptop and a stack of folders heading upstairs without another word to you. 

You stare after him for a while, trying to parse out the mystery Jake presents, and coming up a bit short, just like you always did. He is one of the most outwardly confident men you have ever met. Yet, other times, Jake is the first person to make a self-deprecating comment about himself. You swallow down how much you desire more from him, wishing for more, knowing you can't and shouldn't have it.  

🏡🧩🏡

You and Jake were lounging on the couch. He was scrolling on his phone, avoiding going to the gym, half-heartedly trying to convince you to go with him. You were also scrolling your phone while deflecting Jake’s offers. 

That was when your doorbell rang, followed by heavy knocking. You and Jake both look up at each other. He raises his eyebrows, and you just shrug, having no idea who could be at the door. Jake looks back to his phone, clearly ready to ignore it, when the doorbell rings twice more, and the pounding on the door gets louder. Jake sighs and gets up, walking across the house towards the noise. 

“Hold your horses out there!” Jake yells towards the door before opening it. 

You wait for a moment, trying to hear who it is, curious about who would be so rude and what they needed. However, you don’t hear anything from where you are on the couch. So you stand and follow Jake into the entry hallway. 

“Sir, I am going to have to ask you to leave.” You hear Jake say. He is standing at his full height in the door frame. 

“What the fuck did you just say to me?” You hear from on the other side of the door. 

Nervousness shoots through your whole body hearing that voice. Anxiety immediately pops up, and your stomach drops. You know that voice. You have heard it a thousand times before. Why was he here? How was he here? 

“I asked you to leave, Sir.”

“Just tell that little bitch that —”

Jake steps further forward onto the front porch. “Now, we don’t speak about ladies like that where I am from. And I’m going to ask that you act accordingly while at my home, Sir.” Jake cuts him off with that well mannered southern military niceness. 

“I don’t give a fuck where you are from.”

You flinch at his tone of voice, feeling bile rise up in your throat. You lean against the wall slapping your hand over your mouth, trying to prevent yourself from throwing up. 

“I asked you politely to leave. I won’t ask again. I can call you a taxi or an uber. But don’t you dare take one more step on my front porch.” Jake says in a deep tone. You are hit with the sudden, horrifying realization that he is going to hurt Jake, and that is something you just won’t let happen. 

You are trying to go through possibilities in your head. Anyway, this could shake out; it would be bad for Jake. Jake would either get hurt and get in trouble, or he would kick ass and gets in worse trouble. This would end badly; either way, Jake is going to get in trouble, and it would be your fault. You would be responsible because you caused this situation. Jake was going to pay the consequences all because he was trying to protect you. You were roommates, so Jake must think he has some obligation to protect you. 

You feel swamped in stress knowing how easily Jake can escalate a situation and provoke someone; sometimes, all it takes for him is one well-placed smile. That stress is finally what unfreezes you, and you stumble towards the front door. 

Jake’s large, broad form still mostly hides your view of the other side, but you cautiously approach and set your hand gently on the back of his shoulder. You feel how tense Jake’s muscles are under your hand and can see it in the line of the back of his neck. 

“Sugar, I’m not going to tell you what to do,” Jake says in a deep voice. He doesn’t budge an inch or look back toward you. “But I would like to suggest that you go back inside. I have this handled.” 

You want to cry. You want to cry for so many reasons: cry because you are in this situation, that you have to deal with this again, that you feel so small. However, you mostly want to cry because Jake “Hangman” Seresin is such a good man. It’s startling sometimes, not because it’s really unexpected, but rather that it is so completely and bluntly genuine. 

Having Jake here defending you, trying to protect you from the person who has probably scared you most in your life, it feels so silly to pretend like you don’t have feelings for him, to pretend that you aren’t more in love with him than you ought to be.

The realization doesn’t really feel shocking; it is closer to acceptance. A given truth that is part of your life now. An empowering truth that swells in your bones like a swift tide, filling up the spaces that have been empty for so long. 

You love Jake more than you are scared. The warmth of affection towards him is so hot it burns out the freezing ice in your veins and the numbness in your fingers. You love him, and you will be damned if you let Jake be hurt, touched, tainted, or affected by this man who has hurt you. It seems cliché that loving someone like this is enough for you to finally break through the barrier of fear you have lived your whole life in. However, now it just feels so simple. 

Your heart is beating hard. The adrenaline is pumping through you so strongly that you can hear it echoing in your ears. Your hand slides up Jake’s back to his bicep, and you give him a gentle push. Jake shifts with the movement. He slides to the right so you can finally fully see the front porch. However, he doesn’t move enough that you are fully exposed. Jake’s body is still partially concealing you from view. 

Then you hear your name, and your attention snaps away from its hyper-focus on Jake. You turn it forward and brace yourself. You drift your eyes to the ground, landing on the feet of your visitor, staying there for a minute before meeting his burning eyes. 

“Hello, Dad.” 

“Ah, so she is here,” your father says, throwing his hands up and glaring at Jake. You can smell the booze on him from the doorway. It makes your stomach turn. You resist the urge to wretch, squeezing your hand, which is still on Jake’s bicep. He flexes, and his bicep digs into his shirt as your nails also dig in. You don’t like those angry, hateful eyes on your Jake. Jake doesn’t budge an inch or react to your nails on his skin.

“What are you doing here, Dad?” You ask him. Your hold on Jake acting like an anchor point for you. 

“You don’t bother to answer my texts or anyone else’s calls and texts. Just because you moved out doesn’t mean you get to be a selfish bitch” your dad spits out. 

“I’ve been pretty busy,” you defend yourself in a small voice.  

“Oh, I bet you have been so busy. What are you doing these days?” He growls at you. “You know it doesn’t really count as moving out if you are spreading your legs to pay for it.” 

You flinch, your hand falling from Jake’s arm and balling into a tight fist at your side. You hate how easily he can make you feel small, even when you are angry. 

“Watch your mouth,” Jake hisses, rejoining the conversation. You glance at him, and Hangman is shaking with contained rage. You know this is not a good situation; anytime, someone could blow up. 

“You should go inside, Hangman,” you tell him gently. 

“Absolutely not,” Jake responds instantly. 

“So you are playing the part of a pathetic little whore wife for this pretty boy.” Your dad says, cutting in. 

You grit your teeth as he continues on. “Come on. I thought you gave up pussies after our talk when you were in high school.” 

With the reminder of just what he is referring to, You are overcome with anger, and you finally can’t take it anymore. You recognize his words for what they are, a direct bait at Jake and undercutting you. It makes you so angry you start shaking. Tears burst from your eyes, trying to let off some steam bubbling inside you. It boils up, so you can’t take it anymore, and you whisper, “Shut up.” 

“What?” Your dad asks, clearly shocked. You take a step forward fueled by your anger. 

“Shut the fuck up.” You pronounce each word slowly. Then continue on, “I’m tired of this. You don’t get to be mean to me and still expect a relationship with me. You don’t get to hit me, yell at me, and abuse me just to show up at my house on your bullshit. And you sure as fuck don’t get to say anything about Jake.” You suck in a rapid breath, the words fueling the fire in you. Your angerburning brighter with every word. 

“You made me think that kind, decent men didn’t exist, Dad, but Jake is good. He isn’t a pretty boy. He is smart, sweet, strong, and kind. I will not hear you say one more thing about him. Ever.” You punctuate the sentence with a jab of your index finger at him. He looks like he might be cowed, and before you can even finish a prayer that he will be done, the fire in his eyes lits again. 

“You could have at least found someone who stands up for you. A real man.” Your dad isn’t even looking at you when he says it. Instead, he is staring at Jake. 

“That’s a rather rude thing to say about an active duty Naval Officer,” you hiss. Your dad takes a step back, his eyebrows raising, reexamining Jake. He shifts his weight between his feet nervously. 

“You aren’t welcome at our home. So leave and crawl back into the bottle you drank before coming here. Don’t come back, Dad. I don’t want to see you.” 

You try to force your body to relax, but the adrenaline is still pumping hard in your veins. So, you start to walk backward back into the house. Jake still hasn’t taken his eyes off your dad, and he makes no move to come with you back into the house. 

“Jake?” You ask. 

“Just give me a minute, sweetheart. I need to have a talk with your old man here and make sure that he makes it home.”

“I don’t want him near you.” 

Your dad still looks blown away by this turn of events. Like he is scrambling to put words together. He keeps looking back and forth between you and Jake. 

Jake breathes out heavily through his nose. He turns his head enough to glance at you. Whatever he sees on your face must break his resolve. Jake clenches his jaw, and you watch the muscle flex once, then twice. After that, he rolls his shoulders, and it’s like Hangman is physically able to just shrug the tension of the situation off. 

“Get home safe, Sir. I suggest doing so soon. MAs are known to drive down our street.” Jake says it in a light, easygoing tone, border lining on cheery. Then, plastering that practiced, perfect smile on his face, Jake nods his head toward your dad and comes back into the house. 

Jake closes the door but doesn’t move, staring out the frosted window on the front door. His body is tense again, standing rigidly at his full height. You are still shaking from anger. You slump against Jake’s back, letting your body weight shift into his. One of his arms bends backward a bit awkwardly, sitting on your waist. His large palm is burning hot. You can feel it through the fabric of your clothes. Then Jake’s fingers flex to give you a small squeeze of reassurance. 

When Jake finally does move, it is just to turn away from the door and wrap you tightly in his arms. You enjoy the warmth of his strong embrace, feeling exhausted as the adrenaline starts to fade. Jake is still shaking, though. 

“He’s gone,” Jake says into the crown of your head. You let a little sigh escape you, feeling a bit more of the tension release. 

“Good,” you manage to tell him. 

“I wanted to defend you. I wanted to slam his face so hard into the porch that he wouldn’t ever be able to open his mouth again. Wanted to tell him how you are—”

“I’m glad you didn’t,” you cut Jake off before he can continue. You don’t want to know what he thinks about you right now. You can’t handle whatever words could spill out of his mouth next. 

“I’ll make sure he never comes back here,” Jake says, his voice dropping, and you feel the rage contained in him, the subtle shake and heat coming from how tense he is. 

“I don’t want him near you. If something happened to you because of him….” you trail off. Your hands wander the expanse of Jake’s back in an almost soothing motion. However, you don’t know who it is soothing more, you or him. “I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

He takes a deep breath and then releases it in a heavy sigh. “What if you just give me his full name and social security number? You wouldn’t have to know about anything else.”

“Jake,” you whisper in a tone that is almost reminiscent of amusement. 

Jake sighs again. He draws back from your hug and cups your face. He swipes his thumb across your cheekbone, wiping away the tears that have been lingering. 

“You are the kindest, most compassionate person I have ever met,” Jake whispers. Considering how he is looking at you with a glimmer in his eyes, it’s clear the emotions of the situation are still running rampant. That look, paired with how he is holding you, makes you think Jake might be about to kiss you.  

“No, No. Stop.” You don’t know if you are trying to ask him not to kiss you or to stop talking. Either way, you feel like you might explode if this interaction isn’t over soon. 

“Yes,” Jake says. “Let me, please.” 

His thumb is still tracing along your cheek, and you can’t help yourself from leaning a tiny bit into his palm. An action that momentarily freezes his thumb before it picks up steadily again. Not hearing an explicit no from you again, Jake continues on. 

“That man has no say over you. Who you are is so stunning. You never deserved to be treated the way you were. I am so sorry you ever had to go through that. I am so sorry he showed up here. You don’t owe him a single second of your time or attention. You are valuable. You are amazing. He is trying to make you small because he sees how good you are.” 

A shudder racks through your body, hearing Jake’s words, and fresh tears start to fall unprompted from your eyes. As soon as they do, though, Jake pushes them away. “I am so proud of you for getting away from him. You are so strong and brave. It makes me awed. I’m so glad that you moved in here. You are…” Jake doesn’t finish the sentence, he seems to lose his train of thought. His mouth parts a little bit, and his eyes flash down to glance at your lips. 

Jake is going to kiss you, and it might possibly be the worst thing that could happen. If he kisses you right now because of your dad, you know you might break into a million different pieces. You don’t want Jake to kiss you for any reason but pure desire and affection. You don’t want him to kiss you in comfort, or pity, or convenience, or as an outlet. You don’t want him to kiss you just because emotions are running high from the incident that just happened. Most of all, you don’t want Jake to kiss you and not mean it. You don’t want him to kiss you without the intention of kissing you again. 

So, even though you are desperate to feel his lips, and memorize their shape, how they feel against yours. Desperate to discover what he tastes like, curl your fingers in his hair and take comfort in the form of his body. You know you can’t, it has the power to break you, and you already feel so broken and exhausted. 

You cover the hand Jake has on your face with your own and pull it away. However, you don’t immediately let go holding his large palm. Hangman takes your hint and steps backward, giving you a little space so that he is pressed against the door again. You decide to thread your fingers with his. Jake’s skin is still almost hot to the touch in your hand.

“Thank you, Jake,” You finally say, meeting his piercing green eyes again. You squeeze the hand you are holding. He gives you a tight nod and then tips his head upwards, so he is looking at the ceiling. Jake rests his head against the door as well and closes his eyes. 

You observe him for a moment, then you go to release the hand you are holding. Jake stops you, though, his hand tightening as yours loosens, and you try to pull away. You give a little tug, and he tightens his fingers even more. Jake’s head is still tipped, and you hear him sucking in a deep breath before blowing it out.

 “Please don’t let go,” he begs you. Jake’s eyes flash open again, and he is looking down his nose at you. “I just, I need you.”

You inhale sharply at his phrasing, and he sighs heavily. “I might do something terrible if you let go of me. If you don’t need me here, there won’t be anything to stop me.” 

“You’re not going to do anything terrible,” You say, retangling your fingers with his. Jake’s hand flexes in yours, and he takes another big breath. 

“I’ll make sure he loses our address and forgets it too. Make sure he doesn’t remember anything at all anymore. I’ll—”

“You’ll stay right here, Jake.”

He lifts his head so it isn’t tilted against the door anymore and stares down at you. He looks like he is holding on to every word you are saying to keep his sanity. His skin is flushed from anger, and his palm shakes slightly in yours. You were in awe he was able to hold back this reaction so long, remaining calm and collected throughout the entire encounter. 

“You will stay here with me, Jake. I need you.” 

“Yeah?” He asks shakily. 

“Yeah. Need your help, Jake.”

There is a low rumble in his chest, almost resembling the hum it was probably supposed to be. You step closer to Jake, once again closing the gap between you.

“Tell me what you need.” It comes out as a demand, and he seems to realize that when he adds on a small quick “Please.”

You look at him then, trying to read his face and those eyes that haunt your dreams. You examine the creases and lines his face makes with the severe angry look he has plastered on. You take the time to observe how his hair is hazardously falling out of place for how many times he has run his hand through it. You don’t really find any of the answers you are looking for. You just find Jake. And Jake is an oh-so-wondrous thing to find. 

You step closer to him and tug the hold he has on your hand again. His nose scrunches for a moment, and his frown tightens. His eyes lift upwards towards the ceiling again as his jaw clenches; he lets go of your hand. Jake’s hand falls heavily back until it hits the door making a smacking sound. You flinch at the sound but take another step forward, crowding Jake against the door. You lift your hand up to trace over his neck and then settle on his face, encouraging him to adjust his gaze back to you. He follows direction and leans into your hold, just like you leaned into his earlier. 

“Need you to stay with me,” you start slowly, encouraged as Jake nods his head in a small jerk. 

“I need you to leave the front door.” 

He considers your words for a moment, then shakes his head. “I don’t think I can do that. I’m sorry, sugar. I need to protect you.” 

“There is no one in the world I feel safer with than you, Jake.” He squeezes his eyes tightly closed at those words and pulls in a ragged breath. “So, you can’t leave me alone here.”

He nods again but still has his eyes closed. “Ain’t leaving. You need me.”

“Yes, I do.”

“Can I hold you?” Jake asks, then once again remembers his manners throwing out another small, please. 

“Yes, please,” you whisper. Jake doesn’t waste a moment before wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you snuggly against him. The change of angle causes your hand to slip from his face, so you wrap it around his neck instead, your fingers drifting against the short hairs there. You go to wrap your other arm around his waist but instead awkwardly hit the front door. You hiss out a small breath at the momentary pain. 

Jake responds to the sound. He starts walking forward, making you walk backward. Walking while he is wrapped around you proves to be difficult, and you stumble a little. That seems to be all Jake needs; he wraps his arms under your ass and lifts you. 

You are terrified at the concept that Jake is going to try to carry you, and you open your mouth to protest. However, with only one small grunt that honestly sounded more like pure sex with how low and husky it is, Jake is carrying you down the hallway. You wrap your arm around his neck more securely, adding a second one for more leverage. 

Jake doesn’t stop to set you on the couch like you had expected. Instead, he continues up the stairs and right into his room. He sets you on his bed gently, and you unwrap your arms from his neck, letting him pull away. Jake goes back to the door of his room, closes it, and clicks the lock into place. You raise an eyebrow at his action.

"That’s rather presumptuous, Hangman.” 

“What?” He looks at you confused before he looks back at his door. “Oh no, I’m sorry. I wasn’t, I’m not.”

You shush him motioning towards yourself to try and get him to come closer again. “I know.” 

Jake comes back to your side. Now that you have been given the temporary clearance to freely touch him, you cannot stop yourself. Jake sits next to you on the bed, and you are scooting closer so that your thighs are flush side by side. Jake throws an arm across your shoulder, pulling you even closer to him. 

“Do you need to talk about it?” He asks you softly. You let a hollow dry laugh at his question, your laughter starts to devolve until it’s nearly hysteric giggling. Jake takes it in stride, holding you close and his thumb drawing small soothing back-and-forth shapes. After you are almost breathless and heaving, you finally start to recover. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, but I definitely need to. Not with you, though, Jake.”

“Why not me?”

“Because it’s the kind of fucked you talk to a therapist about.”

“I’m a great listener.”

“I know you are, but this isn’t your baggage to pack around and deal with, Jake.”

“Baggage? Sugar, that’s why we have the attic. If that isn’t enough space, or you fill it up. I’ll build a shed in the backyard.”

“What if that’s not enough room?”

“Then we have the garage. We’ll just park in the driveway.”

“You would give up your shop?” You ask, thinking of Jake’s favorite place in the house. 

“Yup,” Jake says without hesitating. “And after that, well, I’ve never been too fond of the extra guest room anyway.” 

“If that’s all not enough?”

“Then we’ll move. Or we go through it until we find some we can let go of.” Jake says, his free hand crossing his body to settle warmly on your knee. 

“It’s not physical baggage.”

“I know it’s not.” 

The feeling of affection you feel for him grows even more. Every time you think that there is no way possible you can fall further in love with him, Jake turns around and proves you wrong. He does some kind, funny, sweet, unexpected thing that makes you fall a little harder. 

You lift your head and look at him. Jake’s eyes meet your own, the severe stormy look in them a little less present. He is a bit more at ease, no longer shaking with anger. You let your eyes fall to his lips. You briefly think you love him so much it might be worth the risk to shift forward and kiss him. That maybe it wouldn’t lead to disaster like you’ve convinced yourself it would.

“What’s your favorite comfort movie?” Jake asks, breaking you from your trance. You shift a bit further away from him but not far before giving him an answer. 

The two of you watch your favorite comfort movie. You are cuddled into Jake’s side the whole time. The two of you had shifted back into the bed, cuddled close while watching the wall-mounted TV in Jake’s room. Exhaustion hits you like a wall as the adrenaline leaves your system, accompanied by the heat radiating off of Jake, the way everything smells like him, and his Tempurpedic bed; you relax more than you have in a long time. 

As you start to drift asleep against Jake’s chest, his heartbeat has a steady, soothing rhythm under your ear. You think out of all the times you have dreamed of falling asleep with Jake in his bed, none of those fantasies come even close to how good it actually feels. None of your dreams prepared you for how safe you would feel.

Your dreams also didn’t prepare you for sneaking back to your room at three in the morning when you woke up. Or pretending the next day that nothing had happened. After all, nothing had happened except some tense moments and Jake getting a glimpse of your past. You don’t say anything, and he doesn’t, either. You catch him watching you closer than he would typically for the next few days. 

More time starts to pass, and you are thankful that nothing was risked or changed between you and Jake or has affected you as roommates. There are only the slightest moments when both of you are much more casual about physical affection. Hugging Jake was now a commonplace part of your day, and you occasionally catch yourself daydreaming about what it felt like to fall asleep in his bed. 

🏡🧩🏡

You had started to pick up what the signs were when Jake wasn't okay, and something was bothering him pretty early into moving in. He had some pretty obvious tells. However, something had been really really bothering him for a while now. He didn't say anything to you, but he didn't have to; Jake's mannerisms gave him away. Jake wasn't following his routine and had started obsessively cleaning.

The other night, he knocked on your door, bursting open seconds after you told Jake he could come in. Then Hangman had all but begged you to let him deep clean your room. When you told Jake no, he gave you a look like you just insulted his Babula and stalked out of the room. Half an hour later, he was back in your doorway, asking the same question phrased slightly differently. You had finally given in after his second time double-checking. However, you insisted that you helped and supervised his cleaning. Once you agreed, Jake had done his happy dance. It was so cute it managed to cover the embarrassment that was crawling in you at letting someone else, let alone the man you loved your roommate, clean your room. 

The next day Hangman decided to reorganize all the bookshelves. First by color, then by genre, and even one time by the number of pages. His last reorganization was to put them all back to by author's last name. This was only after Jake talked to you for over an hour about the pros and cons of the Dewey decimal system in modern library science. 

After the books, you come home, and there is a puzzle on the table. A 2500-piece puzzle of the painting Meeting On The Turret Stairs. Jake works on it constantly. Only stopping to go to work and the gym. For three days, he doesn't read and doesn't do his sudoku. Jake doesn't sit with you in the living room at night. Instead, he just works on his puzzle, blowing past his typical bedtime every night. Then he stops going to the gym, and a day after that, he cancels his weekly call with his niece. That's when you know without a shadow of a doubt that whatever is bothering Jake must be significant. 

Finally, you can't bite your tongue or try to keep your nose out of his business anymore. The concern you feel is too much to handle. You had gotten up at 3 am for some water, and Jake was still puzzling at the table. 

"How's it going, Sport?"

"No, I'm Hangman," Jake answers in a quiet voice. 

"What?" you ask him, confused. 

"Not my callsign," Jake mumbles to you. You squint and try to piece together what he means in your still half-asleep brain. 

"You know someone named Sport?"

Jake just shrugs his shoulders, engrossed in his task. "There are worse callsigns to have." 

"Like Hangman?" You tease him. Jake finally looks up at you when you say that. Jake's eyes are bloodshot, and he has a hurt look. The small frown, paired with his glassy tired eyes, makes you feel like you just kicked a puppy. 

"Hangman is cool," Jake protests. 

"Hangman is very cool," you tell him placatingly, holding up your hands in surrender. 

 "You don't actually think it's cool," Jake whispers, his tired eyes falling back to his puzzle. Jake sounds so sad about it that your feet are moving before your brain, and you are sliding next to him on the bench for the long side of the table.

"Hangman is cool," You say and then nudge him affectionately with your shoulder. "You are cool." 

His lips quirk upwards from his frown before falling again. “Well, I am the Hangman.” 

"How is the puzzle going?"

"Fine, good. I like puzzling."

"You have done other puzzles?" You ask. 

"Yeah, I have a whole box full."

You hum at his words, tiredly wiping your eyes. "You should have been Puzzleman." 

Jake's eyes flash over to yours, slightly worried. "Do not ever say that around Coyote." 

"Hangman, It's three AM." He looks surprised to hear the time, and you watch him turn his wrist to confirm the time on his watch.

"Go to bed," You add softly. 

"I like when you call me Jake." 

"Then why do you listen better when I call you Hangman?" 

"Hmm, maybe because that's the name I hear most often. Maybe because it's easy to be Hangman."

"Is it hard to be Jake?" You ask him gently. 

Jake is quiet for a long moment after your question. Before answering, he sets the piece he had been holding back in its color pile. All he gives you is a whispered, "Sometimes."

You aren't sure what to say, so instead, you put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it. "It's time for bed, Jake. It'll be here in the morning." 

Jake nods his head, listening to you. You get the water you initially came downstairs for and wait until Jake starts up the stairs. Following behind him, you make sure he goes into his room. You aren't really eased about the situation when he shuts the door. However, you are glad he will at least get some sleep. 

Before you go back to bed, you shoot your group chat with Marlee and Javy a text. 

Have you ever seen Jake do a puzzle?

You wake up to texts from Javy and Marlee, both asking all kinds of questions like: what you meant? What kind of puzzle? With how many pieces? And, how long has Jake been working on it?  

From the questions alone, you gather that your worries are correct and Jake puzzling is not a good thing. Getting out of bed, you make yourself presentable enough to venture out of your room and downstairs. 

In the mid-morning light, you are once again greeted with the sight of Jake hunched over his puzzle. A steaming cup of tea sitting next to him, and Chris LeDoux playing from the record player. 

"Good morning," you say. 

"Morning, sugar," Jake says back. You are glad to get a response, but the worry is still gnawing at you. You start putting together your own morning drink, and your eyes keep drifting back to him. 

"Jake, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good." He says, not looking away from the puzzle piece he is currently studying. 

You stop leaning against the counter, taking your drink with you and walk over to his side. Jake is completing this puzzle concerningly fast; you notice examining his progress this morning alone. He keeps staring at the piece in his hand, unblinking even as you approach. You watch him for a few more moments before deciding it's time for you to intervene. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" You pose cautiously. His eyebrows crease, and he still doesn't look away from the puzzle. 

"About the puzzle?" he asks you in a hopeful tone. 

"No, Jake. About what's bothering you." 

He finally does spare you a glance, and you don't like how dull his green sea glass eyes are. The normally vibrant, mischievous glint isn't present, and they are slightly bloodshot and red, even after you forced him to get some sleep. 

"It's fine. I'm fine. Just work stuff. I've got to finish this puzzle." He tells you, then looks away. 

You frown at Jake's answer. Puzzles are supposed to be fun, and you don't think this is actually a healthy, cathartic activity for Jake anymore. You almost preferred his book reorganization or when he went to every door and oiled the hinges, the top and bottom hinges twice but the middle ones only once. When you asked why not the middle one twice? Jake had told you something about middle children that had made you laugh. 

While Jake normally released stress through organization, order, and control. The frenzy and energy he has with this puzzle is different. This wasn't like the month after you moved in, and he decided to rearrange his shop in the garage. Jake had reorganized his tools, labeling where they all went. After that, he made you a booklet of where everything in the garage was located, just in case you wanted to use something. Jake was very genuine about it, too. As if he really believed you were about to start borrowing his screwdrivers, saws, wrenches, lathe, and various other tools. 

Your frown deepens, and you pull out your phone, shooting a text to your group chat with Marlee and Javy. Answering some of their questions from the morning and shooting back a request of your own. 

After texting with them for a few minutes, you set your phone down on the table, taking the spot next to Jake. He gives you another short look but doesn't say anything. You take a moment to look at the piece he has been staring at for over five minutes at this point. 

Taking it gently from his grasp, you examine it yourself. A moment later, you place the puzzle piece into the correct spot. Jake ghosts over the piece you just placed and taps it twice as your hand retreats. 

"You got to tap it into place," he tells you softly. Then Jake is back digging through his piles, looking for the next piece. 

You help Jake with his puzzle for a little bit, pleasantly surprised at the textured surface of the pieces, enjoying how tactile they are. You know this must be a very expensive and nice puzzle. Any time you place a piece, you make sure to tap it twice for Jake. Each time you do, Jake gives a small nod of approval. The one time you forget, his fingers quickly find the piece again and tap it twice with a small annoyed huff. You don't try and coax Jake into a conversation again, simply enjoying just being with him. 

Y'all's work is broken a while later by the doorbell ringing. The sound startles Jake, and he jumps in his seat and his head snapping towards the door. You place a hand on his shoulder again to try and ease the sudden tension.

 "It's okay," you tell him quietly, giving his shoulder a slight squeeze. "I'll go get it."

"No, I can get it," Jake says, starting to stand up. You know he doesn't like you to answer the front door anymore. He hasn't ever since your dad showed up unannounced. Jake has never explicitly told you he doesn't want you to answer the door. However, you have picked up on it because he has not let you answer the door once since the incident. One time Jake had even sprinted across the house to beat you to the door. 

"Don't worry. I know who it is," you say. Jake gives you a concerned look but then nods a little bit. His eyes trail after you as you make your way to the entry hall. 

You open the door to Javy's tall form and are immediately wrapped in a tight warm hug. You lean into his embrace, enjoying the comfort for a moment. 

"Is it really bad?" Javy asks you in a low voice when you pull away from his hug. 

You shrug but then follow it up with a nod. "Yeah. I mean, I don't know. Maybe not? But it's the worst I have ever seen." 

Javy gives you another reassuring squeeze before he saunters into the house towards the living area. Jake's eyes are trained on the hallway, clearly waiting for you to come back. However, when he sees Javy, he blanches, dropping his eyes back to the puzzle. Jake's shoulders hunching tight almost up to his ears. 

"Hey, Hangman," Javy hums. 

"Machado," Jake says gruffly, fiddling with a piece. 

Javy shocks you by not immediately going over to Jake. Instead, he meanders over to your TV. He shocks you even more by opening a drawer in the entertainment center and pulling out an Xbox. Javy starts hooking up the console, and you shift your eyes to Jake again. 

He is still sitting there digging through his puzzle pieces. You aren't sure what to do. If you should leave the two of them alone, join Javy in the living room, or go back to the table with Jake. So instead, you end up in a weird middle ground lingering in the hallway. Finally, when Javy has everything set up, and the Xbox booted on, he goes over to Jake. Coyote sets his hands down so hard on Jake's shoulders that it jostles the blond a bit. 

"Wow, buddy, this is a nice puzzle," Javy says casually. 

Jake just hums in response, placing a puzzle piece and tapping it twice. Only answering once he picks up another piece. "It's a watercolor by Frederic William Burton. He painted it in — "

"It's time for a break, Hangman," Coyote says, cutting him off mid-sentence. 

"Naw, you see this section," Jake gestures generally towards the entire surface area of the puzzle. "It's almost done."

"Nope, it's break time," Javy repeats more firmly. 

Jake's shoulders hang, and it looks like it takes him physical effort to stand up from the table. Jake's joints and back audibly pop from the action, and he raises his hands above his head to fully stretch. 

You try to root yourself in concern, not thinking of the flash of skin you saw where Jake's shirt rode up a bit. Jake blinks a few times, and when he finishes stretching, he turns to fully look at Javy. 

"How long are you staying?" Jake asks, daring to glance back down at the puzzle. Javy snaps his fingers in front of Jake's face twice and then points aggressively toward the couch. 

"As long as I want to," Javy responds with an upbeat tone and a wide grin. He gives a light shove, and Jake shuffles over to the couch. Jake looks at you as he walks, and you can tell that he feels betrayed. 

"I'll leave you to it," you say, ready to retreat into your room. 

Jake looks away from you then, and you don't like the flash of embarrassment on his face as he does. It's been odd seeing Jake so completely out of his element and uncomfortable in his skin the last few days. Embarrassed wasn't a look that fits well on Jake. It made you want to rush in and remedy the situation. 

"You don't gotta go," Jake calls to you.

"Javy came over to hang out with you, Jake." You say plainly. You want to give them space to talk and hang out. 

"Yeah, bro, feeling the love," Javy says jokingly. It earns him a sharp jab to his side from Jake. The action just makes Javy laugh, though. "Don't worry so much, Hang. Marlee is coming by later with dinner, and then all four of us will kick back, but right now, it's me, you, and the Master Chief." 

"You'll hang out with us later, though? Or are you doing something tonight?" Jake asks, ignoring Javy.  

"There is nothing I would rather do tonight than hang out with you," you tell him. Jake's eyes snap up from where they had drifted to the left, lowered just enough not to meet yours. The burning bright color in them is startling after the dull, distant look he has supported the last few days. You can't stop the words you say next, needing to try and back peddle. It takes a long beat before you say, "and Marls and Javy. I don't know if you've ever had Marlee's green chile enchiladas, but they are to die for." 

"They are so good," Jake agrees enthusiastically and looks down at the controller he is holding for the first time. Javy then shoots you a smile with a thumbs up, and you are reassured enough that you head upstairs and into your room. 

You hear Javy's voice behind you, "You know Marlee only cooks for two reasons." 

You close your door before hearing Jake's answer and resist the urge to eavesdrop. A few hours later, you hear loud yelling and laughter from the living room. Then get a text from Marlee to send the boys to help her get the food out of her car. 

The rest of the night is mostly light, and Jake almost passes for his normal self. He jokes with Coyote, eats two helpings of Marlee's enchiladas, and with you... well, with you, he is hot and cold. One moment Jake will be flirting with you in a heavy bravado, then the next, he falls into a quiet, contemplative silence. Javy has to herd Jake away from his puzzle three separate times. It gets easier to draw Jake back in every time; the last time only took a question directed toward Jake to draw him back to you guys. 

It is a good night, and everyone seems happy at the end. Jake hugs Javy and Marlee goodbye and leaves you to walk your friends out. You let out a small sigh of relief, seeing Jake walk up the stairs and not back to the dining room table. 

You talk with the couple for a few more minutes on the front porch, then hug them goodbye. You are thankful for them, to have such good friends who are willing to be a support system, for you, for Jake, and for their other friends too. It warms your heart, and it feels a lot like family. 

Jake's puzzling is less frenzied after that night, and he starts to reign back in. He has full conversations with you again and goes to the gym after work as well. He follows Javy's rules that had been texted to you both and doesn't puzzle by alone again.

 For the next week or so, Javy and Marlee end up in your living room in the evenings. Keeping Jake from becoming too obsessed, you also notice that he won't let Javy or Marlee touch his puzzle pieces. But when Jake does work on the puzzle, and you are home, he always invites you to join him. 

Jake makes an effort to converse with you while working too. The conversations you two get into range from academic to childhood memories, favorites — books, movies, foods, bands, animals— funny stories, and anything else that would pop in your heads. Of course, each puzzle piece must still be double tapped into place, and you are meticulous about following that rule. 

Puzzling in the evenings with Jake surprisingly becomes one of your favorite times of the day. Sometimes you would even just sit there at the table with Jake, scrolling on your phone while he works on the puzzle. 

Hangman's presence is a comforting steady grounding force, so much so that you can only hope you provide half of that for him. You knew you were roommates, and Jake may not carry the same romantic feelings you do. However, you couldn't deny the plain platonic affection that poured from him, so much you sometimes think M aybe . Maybe he does feel more. 

When you enter the kitchen, you see the puzzle is finished. You go to examine it and realize two pieces are missing. You feel a bit of worry creeping up in you, not sure how Jake will react to having lost pieces and being unable to complete the puzzle. 

You start to look around, checking every chair and bench to make sure a piece hasn't fallen. You shine a light under the couch in case they slipped under there. Then you are flipping up the edge of the rug in the living room and trying to think of any other feasible place the pieces could have disappeared. 

"What are you doing?" you hear, and you snap your head to see Jake standing on the other side of the couch, looking at you bemused. 

"Sorry, I was just looking for your missing pieces," you say, straightening up and fixing the rug. 

Jake quirks an eyebrow then he follows your gaze to the table where his puzzle is. Jake's mouth drops open, lips barely parted, and a soft "Oh." falls out like he didn't even make the sound intentionally. 

"No luck so far, though. I'm sorry. I'm sure they will turn up. Only so many places they could have gone," You say, making sure to project an upbeat, positive tone and attitude. 

Jake looks between you and the puzzle twice before suddenly you are graced with the rarest of Jake Seresin's smiles. It is one you have only seen a handful of times. It's different than his smirk and his confident panty dropping smile. It's not the smile that he gets when he laughs, and his eyes crinkle around the edges or the mouth wide open smile. It's not his practiced perfect smile he uses for pictures. 

No, this smile is closed-mouthed, those pearly whites hidden from view. It's a quirk of his lips like Jake is trying to hold it back from showing it on his face but he isn't entirely successful. His bottom lip is tucked a little bit between his teeth as if he is physically trying to bite back the expression, none of which prevents Jake's dimples from popping up. 

It's a smile that always leaves you a little stunned, and this is no exception. Not that there are many things about Jake that don't leave you feeling that way. This smile, paired with the soft look in his eyes, makes you want to melt into the floor. 

"I have the pieces," Jake tells you then. It takes you a few moments to process his words. 

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah, I do," he says and pulls out a ziplock baggie from his pocket with the two pieces in it. 

"That's great!"

"They weren't lost. I was saving them, actually."

"Saving them for what?"

"For you. Well, for us."

You don't think you are able to hide your surprise at his words. "For us?"

"Yeah. You know, so we can finish this puzzle together. We worked on it together. So, we should finish it together. Few things match the feeling of putting the final piece of a puzzle into place."

God, you want to kiss him. You want to grab his face and smash your lips against his. You want to taste him and thread your fingers in his short dirty blonde hair. The little fantasy starting to form in your brain is cut off by Jake walking over to the table. 

You follow him there, and Jake sets the last two pieces on the table, letting you pick which one you want. Once you make your selection, Jake grabs the other one. 

"Okay, on three," he tells you with a grin. At his countdown, you both place the pieces of the puzzle. Automatically you double tap your piece into place. Jake was right; it is an extremely satisfying feeling finishing the puzzle and seeing it whole for the first time. 

Your gaze drifts over the puzzle, and you look up to see Jake staring at you instead of the finished piece. After a moment, you realize what is wrong. Your hand reaches across and gently nudges Jake's to the side. Then you tap Jake's piece twice, realizing that for the very first time, he seemed to have missed that compulsion of his. However, you knew it would bother Jake when he realized he had forgotten, so you make sure to complete the ritual. 

Jake's gaze snaps down to the piece you had tapped for him. Then his knuckles purposely brush against the back of your hand, sending shivers up your arm.

"Thank you," spills from both of your mouths at the same time, which makes you laugh.  

"Jinx," Jakes says in a rushed voice, making you laugh harder. That odd tension in the air between you two disappears. 

You walk into the kitchen and grab a white claw from the fridge, bringing it back for Jake, handing it to him. Jake is a strict enforcer of the jinx soda pop rule. The two of you look at the puzzle for a few more minutes. Taking in the stunning painting, the yearning and sadness of it never fails to impact you. 

While the two of you had been working on the puzzle, Jake had told you many different facts about The Meeting On The Turret Stairs. How it was a watercolor painting by Frederic William Burton, the poem it was based on, the era it was painted in, and its place in Irish art. 

When you asked Jake more, he surprised you by knowing hyper-specific details and answers off the top of his head. Intrigued, you learned how he had double majored at Annapolis in Aerospace Engineering and History. However, because Jake was golden boy Midshipman Seresin, he had gotten away with his final history thesis being art focused. Hangman more than understood how to be charming when he needed to be. 

"What now?" You ask him. 

"What do you mean?" Jake asks, confused. 

"What do we do with the puzzle?" you ask. It sounds much better than what you wanted to say. What now between the two of you? What were you going to do to keep spending time together? 

"We take it apart." Jake shrugs. 

"No," you gasp, horrified thinking of all the time you had put into the puzzle just to undo it and throw it back in the box.

"What else would we do?" Jake asks you. You think for a moment before smiling at your own idea. 

"Let's Mod Podge it, and then we can hang it up. We have some pretty bare walls in the house, and it is a stunning piece of art," you suggest. 

Jake doesn't even take a moment to think it over before saying, "I love that idea." 

So, you two are driving to the craft store to get cardboard and Mod Podge. A week later, the puzzle has been cemented and hung on the wall in between your and Jake's rooms upstairs. After the puzzle is finished, Jake is back into his sudoku and his various other reading books. He still lingers near you in the evenings, waiting longer than he used to before retreating to his room for bed. 

One night almost a month after you two had finished the puzzle, Jake brings the subject up again. You two are lounging on the couch, he had just gotten home from watching the Army-Navy game at a bar with some of his friends, and he is definitely a little bit tipsy. 

"I am going to build us a puzzle table," is the first thing he had loudly declared, walking in the door. 

You were instantly worried about why Jake might want to start a new puzzle. "Is everything okay?"

Jake doesn't seem to hear you, though, as he continues on. "A really nice one that opens and closes with velvet or something so we don't have to worry about losing pieces, and maybe I can even make it an adjustable height?" He is talking to himself more than to you. 

You watch as he grabs a notepad and pencil out of a drawer. Then he slumps on the couch. Before you know what's happening or can stop it, Jake has his head on your lap and is sketching design ideas, potential measurements, and materials. 

"How are you doing?" you ask him again, staring down at his face, unable to contain your enamored smile. Jake just nods his head and keeps sketching while mumbling. 

You run a hand through his soft hair tentatively. It is a bit longer than usual right now, almost out of regulation. He will need to get a haircut this week, but the strands are so soft, and you can't help but enjoy that there is a bit more there to run your fingers through. His eyes instantly close, and he hums contently at your touch. 

"Hangman?" you ask him almost teasingly, halting your movements.

"Yes, sugar?" 

"Are you okay?" 

He blinks his eyes open and looks at you. Their gleaming sea glass green color is a little glazed over and so very soft. His mirth is open and obvious to you. "I'm so great. Navy won." 

"That's great. Go Navy." A wide grin splits his face wide, and Jake's eyes actually crinkle closed, hiding their unique color from you again. 

"That's right, Honey. Ooh ahh!" Jake responds automatically, making you both laugh, and maybe you had been drinking a little bit of wine before he came home; perhaps you were warm from that, or maybe Jake was the most beautiful man you had ever seen. Your eyes lock with his, and your hands pull out of his hair. You let one drift trace his face helping him relax the furrow in his eyebrows. 

"Why do you want to start a new puzzle?" You ask. 

"No new puzzle. A new table." He corrects you. Jake taps his pencil on the notepad pointedly. 

"For a new puzzle?"

"You liked doing a puzzle with me, right? Well, after the first bit, you liked it?"

"I loved it." The words slip out of your mouth before you can amend the sentiment to come off less forward.

"Me too,"Jake says and trails off for a moment. Then he continues asking, "So you would be open to doing another one with me? Just for fun this time, not my mental health." Jake doesn't say the last sentence with any bit of shame or embarrassment, which you admire. However, the vulnerability is obvious and glaring. 

"Yeah," you confirm, once again having to run your fingers over his brow to relax his face. 

"Perfect. I'm building the table, then. You can pick the puzzle this time." 

You can't help but let your hands slip back into Jake's hair, and he returns to sketching on his notepad. It was a moment of quiet peace you knew you didn't ever want to let go of. 

"Javy said that you don't like to do puzzles with other people, and that's what helps you pull out of the pit." 

Jake's eyes don't leave his notepad, and he turns the page. You watch Jake start to scrawl the pros of a dovetail joint versus a dowel joint before he starts to draw it out as well. You almost don't think he will say anything back by the time he finally does. 

"You aren't other people," Jake tells you, as he starts drawing in shading, which is completely unnecessary for anything beyond aesthetic. He bends the lines from a basic blueprint to a detailed drawing of a realistic table joint. It was distracting watching the engineer in him flow into the unexpected artist. 

The idea that you ever had thought his talent for art and engineering were such radically different things was a bit funny. Now that you see him dance between the lines back and forth so elegantly that you understand it wasn't two competing sides of Jake. It was just him. It was how he worked and operated. 

It was how he was Hangman and also Jake. It was how he could fill out sudoku then go to bed at 9 pm and how he could shoot pool until closing with the squad. It was how he was a cowboy and a pilot. It was how you wanted to cry a little bit, knowing he enjoyed you there, knowing you weren't like other people. 

And you are struck with the thought that you don't ever want Jake to do a puzzle with anyone but you. You never want to see him sitting alone at three am with bloodshot eyes putting pieces into place again. And you don't even want to consider him explaining animatedly why he believes a piece goes in one color pile and not the one it was originally sorted to anyone but you. 

You want to be selfish with Jake. You want to have him, and you want to keep him close, never letting go. Surely you could convince Jake to be yours. It was a selfish act that could be forgiven if you promised to cherish him. After all, there were worse things in the world than loving someone, so entirely the fact they might not love you to the same degree didn't hurt so much.  

Jake flips to the next page in the notepad and starts to sketch out the living room. As he works, the living room table starts to look significantly different than your current one. 

"Oh. It's for the living room?" You ask him.

At first, he just hums in response, but when he finishes rounding out a line, Jake lifts his pencil from the paper. It pauses there, poised and frozen, as he asks, "Do you want the dining table instead?" 

"No." As you continue, the pencil falls back to the page, "It just wasn't what I was originally thinking."

"I could do a dining room table too. They could even be made of the same wood." Jake says. His green eyes broke from the page to glance up at your face for the first time in a while. He searches your face trying to gauge your reaction to his suggestion. 

"Two puzzle tables?"

"Think of all the possibilities. We could do two puzzles at once." Jake gasps. You kind of hate the excited timbre that Jake's voice picks up at the idea, but you actually mostly love it. 

"Just one puzzle at a time, please." You say, giving his hair a teasing gentle tug, ignoring the sharp inhale of his breath that immediately follows. You refuse to give away the unexpected thrill sent straight through your body that settles at your core. You have to consciously make sure your words do not fall out rushed, "I think it would be nice to have out here, comfier." 

"I thought the exact same thing."

"Oh really?" You ask, amused. 

"Yes, Ma'am. I've got two words for you, puzzle naps." 

You huff a small laugh at him and bite your lower lip. He flips back to his first page of notes, where he had a small list of wood. He adds cherry to his list after oak. 

"Juniper is really pretty," you suggest. He immediately starts to write down your suggestion with a little heart next to it. When Jake starts to shade in the heart, you feel like the one in your chest might actually burst out. Something very similar to butterflies was fluttering around in you, but it is much less nervous and rather born of pure fondness. 

"Sounds beautiful. I'm sure it's perfect," Jake tells you. 

"Let's pick one together, though. It should be our choice."  

"No," Jake says, drawing an elegant oval around juniper. Then he goes back and strikes a straight line through the other options. "No one else has ever remembered to double tap."

Jake spends a few more minutes detailing the design before his eyes start to get sleepy, and his pencil marks become light and halting. It doesn't take much from you to encourage him to go to bed, just a whispered suggestion. 

He stumbles up from the couch and places a kiss on your forehead. Jake puts his notebook on the counter in the kitchen. After that, Jake circles back to press a second lingering kiss to your forehead. You watch him go all the way around the house to double check the locks, the front door, the garage, and the back door. Finally, after sending you two finger guns, Jake drags himself up the stairs, humming Anchors Aweigh. 

"Until we meet once more, here's wishing you a happy voyage home!" You loudly hear him sing. You listen to Jake as he hums his fight song while randomly peppering in other lyrics. When you finally hear him close his door, your mind makes a decision on the war it's been having. 

You are going to do whatever it takes for Jake Seresin to agree to be yours. Potential consequences be damned; Jake is worth the risk.

[fxckingfantasy]

ITS STILL FREEZING RAIN HERE! Which of course made for another dreary looking day. Woke up and tossed in a harry potter movie because those are always good movies for rainy sunday’s am i right? I woke up with some pretty bad anxiety. It was one of those days where i really missed the friends ive lost these past few weeks. You know those days where your brain wants to tell you that everyone hates you? Well today started off that way. I do miss the friends who ive had fallouts with and my brain was telling me “all your friends hate you now..not just the ones who have said they hate you” which is completely stupid but i cant help but have those thoughts. It was almost as if my friends read my mind because as soon as those thoughts came, I had two of my close friends text me! one of my best friends even left be a voicemail last night basically saying that no one hates me and that all my friends miss me! it was refreshing and it was a wake up call. He explained how much he cares about our friendship and how people do not approve of how i’ve been treated by my old friends but I am not alone and I have people here for me.

Something i really cherish is my friends. IVE SAID IT BEFORE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN; HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO TREAT YOU LIKE A HUMAN BEING AND NOT A DISEASE, HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE POSITIVE AND WHO CHECK UP ON YOU. HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVE YOU AND DON’T LEAVE YOU!!! Ive had my old friends text my mum and call my breakdowns “little shows”. Ive had my old friends text my mum and tell her “now youve seen what ive been having to deal with these past week” I was a shitty friend at times, however that gives no one the excuse to treat you like your disease and not like a human with feelings. I swear if i only hung out with people who would leave once things got bad? i would be dead right now. I owe my friends and family that stuck with me, my life and I am SO appreciative of them even though its hard for me to show it sometimes.

I did have some setbacks today. i did not keep my lunch down because i felt so ill even though it was healthy. I ended up going for a hike after that and doing a painting of one of my fav bloggers. I also decided to do some research on my body type. I decided to write down my measurements, my food and macro intake and my water intake so i can chart my progress. after the hike i made a large dinner and then i did a workout. Overall ive noticed that if i sit and have no goals for the day..i get sad and down about myself. If i write a to-do list and keep busy, i dont have time for bad thoughts. It usually keeps my BPD symptoms at bay. ALSO ON A POSITIVE NOTE, ITS BEEN 3 WEEKS SINCE IVE SELF HARMED LAST. woooo! I want to get a job soon and i think the time might be coming where ill be ready mentally for one but i dont want to jinx myself, ya feel? Hopefully tomorrow is a sunny day. I could use some sun.

[sparkleyunicornllama-blog]

Good Morning 💜

*real talk alert*

Last night was horrible for me. I was really unwell. I was in severe pain with my stomache and felt extremely sick. I was very dizzy and really lethargic at work yesterday too. It was 20°c (to british people thats like lets get naked hot) I wore layers of clothes and a big coat and shivered all day with my hands turning blue. My muscles hurt and are just cramping up with almost every movement. And no surprises but the bruises up the backs of my legs have gotten worse.

So this morning my mum had a good chat with me. She told me how ill I have started to look and that she knows I am struggling, but today as traumatic as it will be for me As I struggle through my relapse and these intense negative thoughts I have to refuel. I have to rest. In my previous relapses this has worked and its been able to break through my behaviours until my eating becomes something that resembles “normal” I have never been in any kind of formal treatment despite being hospitalised briefly a year ago when my organs were failing. So all I have ever done is focus on changing eating patterns and never actually fixing anything that goes on inside my head.

I have to try and avoid my anorexic behaviours even if I just get through today and I struggle on and I cant keep up with this. It is something to keep me going until I do start outpatient treatment next week.

I really wish things were different amd I could love normally and it would be amazing. But my whole world has begun to revolve around being skinny. Again. For a while I convinced myself that the excessive exercise I was doing was healthy. That only having certain foods was just healthy. Until this past week I was was eating relatively nothing apart from the 5 safe foods I had left. Just bland. Low calorie low fat with hardely protein. A couple of weeks back I started to loose progress at the gym. What I could lift easily dropped by 30kilo to something I struggled to get even through 1 set. And I still I continued. I only ate using a specific tiny spoon. I would only eat of a bowl that fit in my hand or a child sized plate. I told my self it was just something I liked to do. Because eating disorders, are deceitful and manipulative. For me its control, fear, guilt and anxiety and the need to feel some sense of achievement. Every person is different and everyones eating disorder is fuelled by different things as well as manifesting in different ways.

Its doesn’t fit a generic stereotype, and so there isn’t a single treatment plan that works for everyone.

I hear it all the time.. people trying to educate me on whats healthy and whats not on intakes and metabolism and whats good for you. Why treats are ok. I don’t want to be rude but honestly I know pretty much all of it. Through the almost 7 years now I have struggled with eating disorders and tried to recover on my own I have spent days educating my self on nutrition amd exercise. Vitamins and minerals. Macros and gains. Muscle building and shredding. I mean a few weeks ago I started to realise I was struggling and I had an appointment with a GP, I explained everything that was going through my head for him to say… “oh just eat 3 meals a day” … 🤔 but… what… would you tell a schitzophrenic to stop hearing voices? But according to my eating eating disorder non of that infomation is correct. Irrational right? I know my self as well as all of the scientists and people who develop and work with all these different programs know that it is true.

I know the effects it is having on my body and I know my nails are brittle and my hair is falling out. And I know it will only get worse. But for some of us, it is isn’t enough to give us the encouragement that we need to recover.

I dont want to loose my job, I honestly love it as challanging and demanding asnit is. The people I care for inspire me to keep going. Their happiness gives me happiness.

Theres things I do want to achieve in life, i want to own my home, excel in my job, travel to Japan and the world I want to get back into drawing and go to conventions.

As well as all of that I want to enjoy the little things again, Trying something that looks tasty just because, going for trips or to meals with my family amd friends. Getting a take away on my way home from work just because I fancied it. Go to a food festival actually eat the Japanese snacks I buy from conventions. Experiment with recipies. Bake with my mum and cook for my grandparents. Have a movie night with snacks or pop corn at the cinema. Eat drunk pizza toast after a night out. Just drink a cup of english breakfast tea. Maybe even be super British and dunk a biscuit in there. I want to run and enjoy it like I used to. Be proud of my gains or just accept my self. To look in the mirror without tearing my self apart. I want energy and the ability to conventrate.

We need time to process things. To overcome what it is that triggered things. How to deal with things we can’t fix. But most importantly. We need that time to love ourselves and accept ourselves. Because what size you are or your weight does not define you. At all. I don’t judge other people on those things. It doesnt change their kindness or their talents or their sense of humour or who loves them.

Eating is good for you. Exercise is good for you. But when it starts to consume your every thought or it starts to isolate you from your friends and it makes you ashamed or feel guilty. It is a problem, and you always deserve help no matter what your weight what you eat. If you feel you need to reach out you do it.

Moderation is a wonderful thing. You should enjoy the foods you love while they give you the energy to do the things your passionate about. To experience your life in the possitive way possible.

I actually started this blog as a way to keep my self motivated and focused on the possitive things. I don’t want to sit here and pretend my life is great. Because theres to much of that bullshit on social media. This is all so negative.

I’M SORRY!

Today! Bed rest for me! On my mums orders this wonderful food. I adored giant crumpets and its been years.. with salted butter of course. And a bowl of alra skyr high protein yogurt passion fruit flavour, maxi shredded wheat granola, urban fruit coconut chips, mango, apple, pomegranate and some strawbs.

Pretty much all fear foods at the minute. Terrifying, delicious but nutritious foods. In a normal adult sized bowl. The horror. But fuck eating disorders and their negativity I will enjoy day of gaming and watching films and hopefully sketching and napping. While my body does some repairing.

Body shops vanilla chai body lotion and the delicious vanilla almond Forest friends candle. The little things 👌

All of you fighting. All of you who have won. And all of you struggling. Your amazing, beautiful and deserve happiness.

You always deserve to recover in your own way at your own pace.

Stay strong and stay safe.

💜💚

I just needed to say somethings. If you read this far . Sorry I bored you to death and thank you!

[san-bika]

Old Habits Die Hard - Lance-Voltron fic

Bring on the Langst ficlets!! Many plot bunnies were had over the holidays.

***Trigger Warning - EDNOS; disordered eating in general***

****This is a paid comission, meaning someone asked for me to write this, worked with me while writing it, and paid me for it. Please see the notes regarding this fic below from the person who requested it.****

NOTA BENE - I, figandmelon, appreciate the concern for my health but the italicized text below is not mine, as I wrote above, but is the sweet girl’s who commissioned the story. She had written a rough outline and gave a me a few paragraphs to start with. I don’t have food issues and this story is not meant to promote or romanticize disordered eating. I have written a follow-up story to this to prevent any idea that this is a good thing or that I approve this. That story was not commissioned by the girl but I felt I needed to write it. Also see the unedited text below - I had fixed the grammar but my patron has asked me to revise it to what she actually wrote! Sorry!

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I am working out some food issues. Please dont take this as any kind of endorsment of disordered eating.

Food is delicious, Good, important, and healthy. Food is one of the necissities of life and it is amazing how many ways food is prepared tasty healthy, inventive good for the environment, etc. Food makes us strong and can heal us and is tied to our all culture and heritage and family.

If you start to feel diffrently about food or struggle wth eating, get help as soon as you can and avoid a long &dangerous road.

Please know this isn’t realy a headcanon I have for Lance. I see him feeling like this, yes. But I had these feelings when I was a kid and my last years in school when I had no money to buy food and just ate whatever we threw out at work. This is my way of letting go of that. Thanks.

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Rating: T - disordered eating, anxiety

Pairings: Klance (ish)

Length: 1585 words

Tags: angst, disordered eating, OCD, anxiety

Lance glanced down at a large bowl of space gelatin, blocky and trembling from the movements around the table.

It wasn’t ideal given its green coloring or gel consistency. It tasted vaguely like a sweet chicken broth, off-putting but you got over it. It wasn’t tostones or yuca or black beans and rice but you played the hand you were dealt. Lance knew that all too well.

For all of its drawbacks, the goo sure was plentiful. It was dispensed from hoses, for quiznak’s sake. And it doubled as a hydration source.

Food was a spartan necessity for Alteans; their pleasures tended to indulge their senses of touch (shape shifting in micro and macro ways was both a talent and physically enjoyable, which Lance occasionally liked to daydream about…alone if you catch the drift) and superior sight (apparently double pupils and triple retinas and lenses gave them something like super mega HD vision and millions of colors to delight in) rather than taste. Allura and Coran usually ate the goo quickly and with oh-so-perfect manners.

Everyone was eating and chatting. He lifted the spoon and licked it but felt his throat seize before dropping it into the bowl. This wasn’t going to work. And if that was the case Lance was going to do what he did best. Make a scene.

“Princess, aren’t you feeling tired?”

Allura looked up at Lance’s raised voice interrupting her quiet interlude with Shiro. “No Lance,” she said slowly, “are you? I thought the training session had an appropriate difficulty level. Perhaps you-”

“Well you should be cuz you’ve been running through my mind all day.” Finger guns. Wink. Lecherous smile. Ugh, he was the worst.

The silence was actually painful and the brunette felt all kinds of first and secondhand embarrassment for himself. But it was worth it not to worry the others needlessly.

“LANCE, why?!”

“Really, why though?”

“Come on buddy, you’re still on this?”

Allura was speechless but the twitch in her eye spoke volumes. Coran looked torn between laughing at the pun (he loved puns, dad jokes, basically anything that would make the average person or alien groan) and shaking his finger at the disrespect.

Pidge stood up with her bowl and laptop balanced in some unholy manner, her nose curled in disgust. “Well.. I’m off to my room. If I stay here for another of Lance’s pick up fails, I’ll lose my appetite and I’m a growing teen.” She hurried off still muttering. So quick to judge, Pidge?

Lance felt the red flush of shame creep up his neck. But if this was going to work, he’d need to go all in.

“Aww come on guys! I can’t be the only who sees that Allura and I are soulmates. I mean she’s like my catnip! Uhh, lion nip?”

A chorus of groans and complaints was his response. Allura was aghast, forming words without speaking, clearly ready to unleash fury on the unfortunate paladin.

But with perfect timing Coran escorted her away, clearing their perfectly clean bowls and sending an apologetic half-smile to the blue paladin. “This way, Allura, some space will do us all a world of good so we can come back and practice our flight drills in excellent form tomorrow. Space will clear our heads, isn’t that right Lance?”

The pilot wanted to laugh at the redhead’s twitching mustache but couldn’t. He just summoned an awkward smile/grimace and turned to see how well his plan was working.

Keith had started in on his second bowl of goop, eating so quickly that Lance had to look away before his stomach turned. Guess that desert shack didn’t have an etiquette book after all.

Hunk had scooted off to start dishes in the kitchen. He didn’t handle conflict too well. Man, Lance would have to do something really nice for him to make up for this ridiculousness. Maybe he could work with Pidge to set up some solo interspace video chat time with his alien rock girlfriend….

Shiro was already gone. Huh. He must actually have a crush on Allura and truly not be able to hear even the lamest of pick-up lines meant for her with any modicum of dignity. Or he must have wanted to kill Lance for the sheer audacity of hitting on the last known survivor of her species while aware it was an unrequited crush.

Yeah, Lance didn’t feel great about that either but he didn’t exactly want to tell the other Paladins that he couldn’t eat sometimes.

After Keith had downed the last of his food, he pushed his chair back and strode off with that permanent aggression to clean his bowl.

Lance noticed the faint eye roll and scoff as he walked past him and added that to all the other chips on the shoulder. Well, he was sitting with his spoon up and mouth open like some elementary school kid. He tried to adopt a more effortlessly cool pose but the hothead had crossed the room already and had his back to him.

That went well. Lance McClain, ruiner of dinner parties and cargo pilot extraordinaire.

He wilted a little as he felt the exertion of the day’s exercises. He hadn’t managed much that morning either. He needed to eat but he just… couldn’t.

Every time he lifted that spoon, he wondered if Javier had eaten dinner yet. Or if he’d gone to bed after drinking a cup of water so the little ones, Yany and cousin Carlito could. If Uncle Jorge had found a workplace that would hire him despite his disability. If Mama was taking care of herself.

Had Elisa managed to find a summer job to help Mama stretch her stamps? Were the food pantries any good this summer? Pidge and Hunk had figured out that it was sometime in July, Lance couldn’t remember. All he knew was his siblings didn’t get supplemental meals from school in July. In summer, they were on their own.

He lifted the spoon again but his growling stomach started roiling with nausea. He lowered the spoon. Of course he could have food whenever he wanted. Of course it would be like that.

Despite being the shittiest person in his family, he had found a nice cushy place where food was so plentiful, it wasn’t even a thought. People could complain about it. And even if he hadn’t found Blue, if he had been at the Garrison, he would have had three perfectly rationed, calculated, and healthy if tasteless meals plus snacks whenever he wanted.

Getting into the Garrison had been a promise. He would make it out and provide for his whole family. Even those teasing cousins who gave him a hard time about how tall and lanky he was.

They all had sacrificed enough that his absence was a loss. Mama and Papa had needed to work so hard just to pay for the testing. Now that he had effectively dropped out, all his studying and scholarships, all of his family’s money, stretched so thin with so many needs, it was all for nothing.

If he at least had dropped out and gone home, he could work. He could contribute. He could make Javier and Mama eat at least. Here his destiny was to save the world or die trying but at his family’s expense.

Always at his family’s expense.

Lance slammed the table with his closed fist, willing his frustration and other more painful things to dry up. He swallowed to prevent the nausea from making him sicker but feelings of bitterness and shame drew more tears out of him.

He dropped his head over the full, jiggling bowl. Twisting his hair between his fingers, he imagined it with cartoon eyes and a smile but it didn’t help.

He was a Paladin of Voltron. He needed to be strong to defeat Zarkon and help his family. He needed to eat.

Lance lifted the spoon from the table. He choked down a bite and clamped long brown fingers over his wide mouth. He managed to keep it down but it was a close thing.

Rather than better, he felt worse, like he had run a marathon without water. His throat burned as if the space goo was stuck in it. A headache came on around his temples. His eyes watered.

Had Mama even eaten today? Would she? Could she? Was there even food in the house?

Lance rose quickly. Thick emotion warped the air around him and he swallowed hard against his sadness. He threw the space goo in a trash receptacle and left the bowl on the table. It was a dick move but would throw off any suspicions for now. And Hunk, bless his sweet angelic nature, wouldn’t hold it against him.

Normally he would share his food with the mice but they were too damn chummy with Allura and if they told her that he skipped a whole meal, he’d definitely be questioned.

And at this point he wasn’t sure what would help him, if anything even could.

He loped off towards Blue in a haze, one hand firmly clenched around his mouth and the other around his aching stomach. He missed his mother terribly and his lion was the closest thing to her. Just sitting next to her was all he wanted.

Lance didn’t see Keith walk out from the kitchen doorway and pick up his bowl. The red paladin’s face was neutral but his keen eyes were lit with worry and disbelief.

[epgp12iimk]

Life and Fragility

by Aparajita

These are extraordinary times. Times we will remember for all our lives. The world has never stood still. We always believed that no matter what, the world will continue – we will wake up every morning, get dressed, go to work, traffic snarls will happen… there was no other way to be. But the uncertainty of this time proves otherwise to us. While the battle against the virus is just an external battle there is an equally consequential battle inside our minds. Most of us are and have been going through a roller coaster of emotions that are scary, alarming and most certainly different. We don’t quite know what to make of it and there has been no historical experience that we can tap into to understand what this is making us feel. However, the decisions we make right now are highly consequential – on one hand we feel a certain anger and frustration. And then on the other hand this is the time to connect, to build bonds with community, family, loved ones and our own selves.

We have this narrative in society about being happy and positive. It seems like the right thing to keep motivating and encouraging people. We often hear things like, “don’t be angry, be positive, be happy.” “Don’t be sad, be brave”. Doing so we create a notion that happiness and joy are the most important emotional experiences one can have. The opposite of which are the negative, bad or weak emotions – frustration, anxiety, grief, loss, fear, sadness. We become comfortable with happiness, uncomfortable with difficult emotions and we push them aside. When that begins to happen we establish and create anchor points to happiness. “if I meet my friends, im happy”, “if im appreciated by my boss, im happy”, “ if I can buy a holiday, im happy”… hence, focusing more on happiness as a goal. This is the paradox of it all though, the more we chase something, the more elusive it becomes – the more we chase happiness as a goal, the less happy we become all the time. Seeking something versus living life in acceptance and compassion. Rather than trying to find happiness, maybe it is time for us to come into ourselves, come into our emotions. Not try to brush away difficult emotions that make us feel uncomfortable – the anger, frustration, loneliness, anxiety.

It is with the same discomfort we treat the single most unquestionable reality we are faced with - death. How comfortable are we with death, talking about it, thinking about losing loved ones. Take for example the discourse between children and parents on death. Most times parents try to brush it aside, not knowing how to explain this to their young ones’s curious minds. Rubbing off their discomfort to their offspring. On the contrary being courageous with difficult emotions and addressing it with the young ones also enables them, to practice acceptance of these   – its normal to feel scared, its okay. This is how life functions, we will all die. Perhaps this is also the strongest message for these times – we need to not weigh in on our fear but rather reach inside of ourselves and find our courage. Not to brush aside, belittle or judge ourselves if we are experiencing difficult emotions. These are indeed tough times. Instead use strategies to enable us to be with our emotions in healthy ways. How we love and lead ourselves through these times, will ultimately this will enable us to bring the best of ourselves forward.  

When we are faced with difficult emotions, we either judge them or we push them aside. This could take the form of either bottling them up or brooding and getting stuck in them. Emotional agility is the ability to be with ourselves, our full emotional experience in ways that are compassionate because this is tough and these emotions are real. We need to be compassionate with ourselves and with others. We need to be curious- what is my frustration telling me about me ? What is this event triggering in me, and why? What is my guilt telling me when im interacting with my children? What does my anger tell me about what I most value? If we can move past the place where instead of pushing aside these sign posts we can be compassionate with these emotions, when we can start asking ourselves - even in the midst of fear, how can this emotion help me – be aware if it, and also not get stuck in it. What are some courageous steps i can take even in the midst of a reality that I didn’t choose and isn’t of my asking.

How do we practice emotional agility during these times?

These principles of emotional wellness remain the same, regardless of the context changing to what it is now. I suppose the only difference would be that the need for emotional agility is now more than ever so much more profound and clearer now.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space and in that space is our power to choose and its in that choice that lies our growth and freedom.” – Viktor Frankl. We didn’t choose these circumstances. This stimulus has been served to us, and this is the time we need to choose between the response.

While the narrative has been using “social distancing”, its really “physical distancing”. We still need to be able to look for quality and meaningful interactions that are important to us. We can be lonely in a crowd as well, it’s a function of whether our interactions are meaningful, its not about how many people can we surround ourselves with. Emotions are our signposts of things we most deeply care out. Example – if we are feeling lonely, what Is loneliness a signpost of ? Its telling your that you value presence and connectedness and you don’t have enough of that right now. So loneliness tells you here is something you value and you need to bring this into your life, or move in this direction. So you start asking yourself, what are some small changes I can make that are important to me, what are ways in which I can come to my experience. We need to handle these difficulties by being compassionate with ourselves.

Fear. How does fear operate ? When we feel fearful or the situation is ambigious, our mind tries to fill in the blanks of what we don’t know. We might catastrophize things, develop huge anxiety. In the endeavour to find answers, we reach out to our twitter feeds that provokes more anxiety, more fear and more emotional contagion when we subtly pick up the emotions of other people. Hence, being mindlessly stuck in our experiences. Instead, ask ourselves – is this helping me, is there an alternative way I can be engaging ? Are there things ive been meaning to do – creating a garden, reading the books that have been on that list for long, spoken to a long lost friend, do my relationships need tending – are my actions serving me, who I am as a person, the loving being that I want to be.

Consider how often we use this language – I am lonely, I am sad, I am angry. This is the normal default way in which we describe how we are feeling. But effectively we are saying- I am, all of me, 100% of me is that one single emotion, that singular experience. By language and therefore by understanding we begin to define ourselves by our emotion. But we are not our emotion, we own our emotions, they dont define us. So we want to treat our emotions with compassion and curiosity but we also don’t want to get stuck in them.

Simple strategies that can be helpful –

Instead of saying I am sad, label your thoughts, emotions, feeling for what they are .. they are thoughts, feeling , emotions. So instead of saying “I am sad” you might say – im noticing that im feeling sad, im noticing the urge to shut down the conversation with my spouse…. Im noticing the urge to keep going on my social media urge right now. You are labelling your thoughts, emotions and feeling therefore, creating a space between stimulus and response. Seeing them for what they are. So you can say, im noticing that im feeling sad, so what does that tell me about what matters to me.

We think that in order to do something, to make a contribution we have to do big things. But if you think of the need to belong, every single one of us feels that and we can half someone’s pain just by being that person’s person today. That might just be a phone call, if we can reach beyond ourselves it is healing for ourself as well as others. Tiny, small value connected actions. Even being home, physically distant, there is courage in doing that .. we are doing it because we know it’s the right thing but there is courage there in looking inside of ourselves and owning that its not that youre doing this because you have to but because that is profoundly important that you care about others.

We should also be having this conversation with our children, developing our own sense of values and character by showing up to our children’s emotions with compassion. Asking your children what are ways in why you can bring yourself to your friends. These are incredible times for us, we didn’t ask for them but we are developing our resilience and character. Simply by showing up for them, give them holding space to feel what they are feeling, that’s probably the most important way in which children can develop a sense of security in chaos.

Being granular with our emotions. Often we use very big language to describe our emotions, example; im stressed is one of the most commonly used phrase. There is a world of difference between stress and disappointment. Or stress and feeling overwhelmed , or stress and fear. What we do psychologically when we label our emotions in a more granular way is to move away from “im stressed” to “what is this emotion really”. It helps us to understand the cause of the emotion and whats the pathway forward. From a macro “im stressed” to maybe im overwhelmed. You can do something with overwhelm. You can bring in some bits of control. If my stress is loneliness, I can look for opportunities to reach out…. So emotion granularity is really important.

What can I do to find focus ?

Firstly, find what are some of those things you are doing which are sucking the life out of your day- constantly checking the Covid numbers, scrolling through social media, going down the road of epidemiological studies? As far as you can try to establish pockets of control in your life. There is lots that’s out of our control. But we control how we respond, we can control how we connect, we control how we to the best of our ability use our time off. If it means for that day simply making a list of things you want to do, or whether that control is putting your phone on silent for an hour a day, or shutting off something that is all pervasive. Sometimes it could just be shutting out all the noise – maybe you have music playing all the time, maybe some silence would be your form of exerting your control. Find out what are those 2-3 things I can be doing everyday that create some kind of routine and bring back pockets of control back in your life.  

And while we have internal battles we are also dealing with, there is real suffering – people who don’t have food, are stuck with a violent perpetrator in the house. Ask yourself, amidst my own challenges, how can we as a society support such people, that’s our capability as a community. There are many of us who would be doing this, connecting and forging bonds within the community. There are also many others and another prevalent narrative of divisiveness. Know that, that too is natural. When human beings are faced with mortality salience, anything that threatens their existence, we tend to become more us and them. These are predictable psychological responses when faced with these situations. It is not a surprise therefore that we hear nations on a blame game and communities against each other. Yet again, we will need to rise beyond these discourses into compassion for ourselves and for the community.  

We try to solve the world’s problems through our minds, but its time that we moved from there into our hearts, into our compassion, our wisdom, into our beingness.  Moving beyond right and wrong, beyond judgements and really understanding why someone might be doing what they are, that is giving in to the openness of who we can be as human being.

[seriouslyjoking-blog]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: www.healerpedia.com

https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[westcoastswingreno]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: www.healerpedia.com

https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[multifitsecurity-blog]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: www.healerpedia.com

https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[jfolwer4679-blog]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[averyreadsanimorphs]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[saureus]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!

[danoninterweb]

Keto Diet Plan, Myths and Truths with Dr. Dominic D' Agostino

Is Keto diet truly the savior for millions suffering from diabetes, Alzheimers, cancer, auto-immune diseases and obesity or is it yet another fad with serious side effects? Listen to Keto veteran, scientist Dr. Dominic D’Agostino who has not only been researching the Ketogenic diet but also claims its his secret to keeping up with the supermen astronauts as a crew member on NASA’s Extreme Environment Mission Operations 22 (NEEMO 22)! Dr. Dom D'Agostino is a tenured Associate Professor in the Department of Molecular Pharmacology and Physiology at the University of South Florida Morsani College of Medicine. He is also a research scientist at the Institute for Human and Machine Cognition (IHMC). In this podcast, Dr. Dom shares what exactly is a Keto diet, why it actually works, who its right for and how it positively affects your body, mind, and energy. Key Questions answered and highlights: --------------------------------------------------------- 1. What is the Ketogenic diet for those of our listeners who are still scratching their heads going "Is it bacon and beef?" - A ketogenic diet is not a high protein diet, but a high fat diet. - The percentage of the calories that make up the Liberal/Modified keto diet at least 65-70% while 90% fat for Classical keto diet. - The balance of the calories (10-30%) will come from protein. - Ketogenic Diet mimics the metabolic state of fasting - When you're eating calories with the ketogenic diet ratios, your body produces these ketone bodies (beta-hydroxybutyrate and acetoacetate) which are break down products of fat. - Ketones are an alternative fuel for your brain to function on - The true litmus test is used measure your blood ketone levels and if they're not elevated, you're not in Ketosis. Urine ketone measurements can also be valuable and less expensive to first confirm you have reached ketosis. - It's the ratio of the macro-nutrients that define the Ketogenic Diet. 2. What does your plate need to look like? What does your typical meal plan look like? - Check The Ketogenic Bible for recipes and tips!

Dr. Dom's Personal Keto Plan: Breakfast - 4 Egg Yolk Omelettes  with Spinach and Mushroom - Salad w/ Dressing (Olive Oil + medium-chain triglyceride or MCT Oil + Herbs) Dinner - Greens like Asparagus, Brocolli - Cauliflower Mashed Potatoes (Cook Cauliflower until soft, Put in Food Processor, Add Salt and Pepper) - Fatty fish like Salmon or Trout Dessert - Ketogenic Choco Mousse (Sugar-free concentrated Coconut milk + Dark Chocolate Baking Cocoa + Crushed Almonds + Stevia + Cinammon) If you are OK with dairy sour cream can also be used. Benefits of Ketogenic diet and why Dr. D' Agostino does it: 1. Keeps him full and suppresses appetite from breakfast to dinner 2. Helps him keep up with top performers like astronauts when task loaded 3. Gives him more motivation and drive throughout the day 4. Gets more work done 5. Deeper sleep and less sleep requirement 6. Can function on 6.5 hours sleep 7. Functions better physically  when forced into a sleep deprived state due work demands or travels 8. Cognitive resilience under sleep deprivation 9. No cravings because the food is higher in fat, it has a satiating effect. Dr. Dom follows a modified version of Ketogenic diet which has 20-30% protein and sometimes bumps protein calories a little high on weight training days.

3. Who is the ketogenic diet for? What do you recommend? How do I decide if the ketogenic diet is right for me?

- It's the standard of care for people who have seizures to follow a Keto diet especially if it's refractory to drug treatment or does not respond to drug treatment

- The Ketogenic works when drugs fail. Many of the anti-epileptic drugs have side effects.

- For weight loss & diabetes

-Helps people with Autism, Alzheimer, Parkinson, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS)

- Generally helps women with different types of hormonal issues like acne, perimenopause and PCOS

- The ketogenic diet rapidly controls insulin and suppresses insulin which produces ketones

- By suppressing insulin, it facilitates fat burning globally and especially around the mid section - It's effective for mobilizing fat for energy. - Controls Inflammation which contributes to cancer and autoimmune - It not only helps autoimmune disorders but also age related chronic diseases like rheumatoid arthritis, cancer or Alzheimer's disease

4. Who does it not work for?

- People with Pancreatitis, liver problems like liver cancer, fat malabsorption or kidney stones. - If a person has liver cancer, the liver does not make the ketone bodies and the ketone bodies provide the brain an alternative form of energy - If you've had or have kidney stones, use Ketogenic diet cautiously. Drink water, eat high potassium foods and consider K+ supplementation.   - If you have  fat absorption issues or have had gall bladder removed, it could be challenging to do this diet, but many have succeeded. - The whole household has to be onboard with the way you're eating. - For those who want to lose weight or control diabetes, they don't have to go on a ketogenic diet. A simple carbohydrate restriction will do, - Instead of 60 or 70% calories from carbs, simply get 20 to 30% calories from carbs. - Make sure these carbohydrates are low glycemic. Eating vegetables and whole food sources can make huge difference. - BUT, if you want results FAST, a Ketogenic diet can be a better option. - You can do a Ketogenic diet for fast results then transition to a low carbohydrate lifestyle, switch out all starches with vegetables.

5. How quickly can someone get into Ketosis without having to constantly track that? If I start today a ketogenic diet, how long will it take for me to get into ketosis?

- If you start a strict ketogenic diet today, it takes of minimum of 48 to 78 hours to really registering ketones in your blood and urine stick. - When you initiate the ketogenic diet, it's a stress to your body. Your brain start to depend glucose as its primary energy source. - Fats get converted to ketone bodies, these ketone bodies can replace glucose largely as a primary energy source - Add coconut oil, MCT, ketone supplements to quickly elevate ketones, - By supplying extra energy when sugar is limited ketones make your brain happy - It is not only alternative fuel to brain and tissues, but also functions as a signaling molecule that can inhibit anti-inflammatory pathways - Ketone bodies function to activate various genes that can boost antioxidant protection in body - It can stimulate various genes that are associated with longevity, and increase lifespan - A ketogenic diet is one way to mimic the life extending health effect of calorie restriction

6. Do you have to do the keto diet forever? Is it a lifestyle redesigned choice? Is it something you do intermittently?

- Case study of Charlie Abrahams w/ Epilepsy (see ketogenic diet movie "First do No Harm" with Meryl Streep) - An average person who wants to enhance their metabolic health for longevity effects can practice intermittent ketosis. - They can also practice  intermittent fasting (only 2x a week is needed). - No breakfast or lunch - Eat at a time restricted window like 6 pm to 10 am - Stay away from pasta, bread, potatoes, heavy starches - The longer you do keto and adhere to it it easier gets

Note: You dont have to do it all the time!

- You can stay in ketosis every 2-3 months out of a year and get major benefits- a reset in insulin sensitivity and fat metabolism.

7. Have you noticed a difference in MCT oils or does it not matter what brand you' buy?

It really doesn't matter overall, and they have done research in a lab on the various MCT oils

- MCT Oil Liquid from NOW Foods is cheapest

- Parrillo Nutrition CapTri C8 MCT Oil

- The elevation of ketones from that is 80% of what you get from a Brain Octane which is more expensive but also an excellent product

8. What other supplements are you taking for maintaining ketosis?

1. MCT oil/MCT oil powder 2. Kegenix PRIME 3. Pruvit Keto//OS 2.1 (Orange Dream) 4. KetoLogic (Find links to these products and other "approved" products/foods at Ketonutrition.org)

9. There's some buzz around telomeres and ketogenic diet. What do you know about that in your research?

- This is a hot area of study that has been incorporated in NASA missions, on ISS and on NEEMO missions. - The keto diet mimics molecular aspects of calorie (low IGF-1, mTOR, etc.) - New tools are evolving, including saliva kits that a person can do at home. These will be incorporated into our research

10. Nutritional vs. Functional Ketosis: What is the difference between the two?

- Tim Ferris found the main thing that worked for his Lymes Disease was fasting ketosis and nutritional Ketosis - Ketosis is defined by an elevation of these ketone bodies in the blood and urine. - Intermittent ketosis is ideal for people wanting health benefits, but also wanting to occasionally enjoy carb-based foods too - It's not normal to be on Keto all the time- probably NOT optimal. - I personally cycle between low carb and keto diet - Cycle your diet, stay metabolically flexible, incorporate healthy carbs with a wide variety of vegetables and smalls amounts of fruit.. - Stay away from grains - It's good not to stay in ketosis all the time; we dont know enough yet.  Seizure patients that stay in high/moderate ketosis for decades do not seem to have any overt health issues though.

11. What percentage do I need to be on to consider it a calorie restriction diet?

- For the average person, start at 10%

- Log for 2 weeks what you eat, calculate and look at the scale; If you have the same weight, divide calories by 14 -- that's how many calories per week you need to maintain body weight

12. What are some of your favorite apps? 

- Fitday

- Avatar Nutrition

Books Recommended in this Podcast:

The Ketogenic Bible: The Authoritative Guide to Ketosis

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-bible-the-authoritative-guide-to-ketosis/

The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders

http://healcircles.com/the-ketogenic-and-modified-atkins-diets-treatments-for-epilepsy-and-other-disorders/

KEY LINKS:

WEBSITE: https://www.ketonutrition.org/

SOCIAL MEDIA

https://www.facebook.com/dominic.dagostino.1

https://twitter.com/DominicDAgosti2?lang=en

https://www.instagram.com/dominic.dagostino.kt/?hl=en

https://www.linkedin.com/in/dominic-d-agostino-156014b/

https://usf.academia.edu/DominicDAgostino

Liked what you heard? Love what I am doing with my mission of spreading the truth about how we can live healthier, happier and longer?

Then please SUBSCRIBE, RATE AND SHARE with your loved ones!! They will thank you for it :)

Till next time, wishing you health, love and joy!