#its not their fault you have problems in your life and its not your fault they have problems in theirs. grow up and log off
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how i view simon riley
for a second, letâs just forget everything about him that actually is true and let me lie . . .
simon riley is 6â5â and is chubby with hella muscle underneath. hes got a lot of tattoos covering his arms and hands, and one on his torso thats battered with scars. i like to think he has dark brown hair, its just my type okay? his eyelashes are sooo long and his hands are always washed, he hates having dirty hands.
simon is a good leader, he kind of has to be. he is an amazing man when it comes to his job and his teammates, but when he gets home, thats the only chance he has to just let go. there isnt some persona he has to put on when hes home. his temper gets the best of him sometimes and hes lwk toxic asf.
âbaby câmon you know i didnt mean to, âm sorryâ â âdont be dumb sweetie you know im busy right now, go somewhere else and leave me aloneâ â âstop acting like this, im tired of you right nowâ
but he will always come to bed with you. always kiss you goodnight. always fixes the covers back over you when he gets up in the morning. its not his fault that he just has some anger issues he never got over when he was a kid. simon is either a big teddy bear or a stone wall. hes hard to read on most days but his tone will always give it away. mf has an awful tone problem when hes having a bad day. simonâs words are often harsh when hes having a bad day but his physical nature says the complete opposite.
âjust shut up baby, you sound so stupidâ heâd groan at you, but at the same time heâd pull you closer into him, kneading your soft skin in his hands gently. as if he is always apologizing after every mean phrase that comes out from those parted lips. and when that hurt whine comes from your lips hes already âshhâ-ing you and rubbing your side.
my simon riley is infatuated with his sweetheart being all dolled up and dumbed down. he loves himself a stupid dumb girl that just cant do anything by herself. of course he knows hes needed for work, but simon has never felt needed outside of his job title. even if heâd never admit it without some emotional talks, he could cry over the fact that you need him. that something as precious and pure as you needs a man as rough and battered as him. he knows deep down youre not a stupid girl, youre bright and just curious, as he likes to put it. he loves being able to explain simple things to you, loves that you call him because you forget how to turn the oven fan off and how to cut a mango. hes so thankful that hes not needed for life or death situations with you like he constantly is for work.
my simon riley is obsessed with the idea of getting you pregnant. he is a sucker for breeding. when hes left alone in thought he always, without a doubt, thinks about you having his babies and forever being in his life. he just knows youâd be such a good mom. you are the only person he can even picture caring for his own. your sweet and kind nature on the daily shows how maternal you are and it just makes that soft spot in his heart swell and get bigger every time he pictures it. hes also smitten with your waist line. oh god dont even get the man started on your back dimples and the curves of your hips. simonâs lips are always on your abdomen and tummy.
âgonna have my babies in here one day sweetie, youre gonna look so pretty all knocked upâ he mumbles in between warm open-mouth kisses right under your belly button. his heavy fingers digging into the dips of your back as he pulls you inexplicably closer to him.
he really is such a sensitive man under all that scar tissue and bulky muscle. in my head simon is an april taurus sun, pisces moon, and rising gemini. so basically, the taurus in him showcases he has a very rough exterior that is great at displaying leadership and grounding skills, but the pisces on the inside makes him sensitive and he has a lot of emotions, then the gemini in him makes him come across as independent and deceitful at first. i could go on forever about this mans astrology chart.
simon riley who always brags about you to his friends. heâs very careful with talking about you at work though. he would most definitely set the world on fire if anything bad happened to his sweet angel girl. when heâs back from deployment, out at some shitty pub with johnny . . he canât keep his lips sealed about you.
âi know âm gonna marry that girl. i know it, gonna give her my last name and at least four kids . . you wanna know what she made for dinner when i got home from the last deployment?â he rambles to poor soap who just wanted to get out of his apartment.
#.đ„ Ę {elora}#â§ââș {đ}#âđ {đȘœ}#.àłàż*:{đ€}#simon ghost riley x f!reader#simon ghost riley headcanons#simon ghost riley smut#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley headcanons#simon riley#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley smut#simon riley x you#simon riley x female reader#simon riley x f!reader#simon ghost x female reader#simon ghost x f!reader#simon ghost riley x female reader#ghost x female reader#ghost riley x reader#ghost x reader#ghost imagine#ghost smut#ghost riley#simon riley fluff#simon riley angst
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hi !! i was thinking about logical by olivia rodrigo when she sings "said i was too young i was too soft, can't take a joke can't get you off" and it got me thinking of rupert campbell black x younger!reader getting into a huge argument about something and he says that to her in the heat of the moment and then maybe they end up having make up sex idk
thank you <33
February Sky.
The highs are so high, but the lows are so low.
rupert campbell black x female reader
warnings - smut. cursing. age gap. angst. so much use of the word darling. this might be a tiny bit toxic, but...
word count - 2.3k
authors note - title taken from logical by olivia rodrigo (which fits him so well, by the way). thank you for this request, erica!! it works so beautifully. I tried not to make it too toxic, but I think rupert is a tiny bit toxic, regardless. oops. and yet we love him anyway.
masterlist. inbox.
âWhatâs the matter?â
Youâre curled up in the armchair by the fire, cup of tea warming the palms of your hands as the flames warm your toes. Youâre still wearing your ballgown, hair still pretty in its updo and makeup still perfectly done.
âDarling,â you hear come from the kitchen, where heâs no doubt pouring himself a whiskey.
You stay quiet, taking a sip from your mug and sitting in your frustration.
Rupert appears in the doorway, leaning against the frame and taking in the sight of you. The first thing he observes is how cosy you look. The second thing he observes is how annoyed you look.
âDarling,â he repeats, walking over to kneel in front of you. âWhatâs the matter? Did you not have a good time?â
Youâve gotten very good at picking your battles with Rupert. Sometimes, you let go of whateverâs bothering you to save yourself the aggravation of an argument. Other days, much like today, you just canât seem to keep a lid on your anger.
âI was having a good time until you made me feel stupid in front of everyone.â
âW-what? What are you talking about?â
You look down at him, his wide eyes staring up at you with genuine confusion painted across them.
âWhen I told that story about the horses, at the dinner table. I saw that look you gave Bas. It was like you were laughing at me, not with me.â
âI wasnât trying to make you feel stupid. You know I wouldnât do that.â
âDo I? You did the same thing a few weeks ago at Lizzieâs. You so easily undermine me when Iâm speaking with a look or a laugh. Thatâs all it takes, and you donât even realise.â
âDarling, Iâm just joking with my friends. Iâm not sure why youâre taking this so personally. Itâs a non issue that youâre making into an issue.â
âThatâs not fair.â
âWell I could argue that itâs not fair that youâre telling me that I make you feel stupid. Thatâs an accusation thatâs not fair.â
He gets up, moving to stand by the fire with his glass in his hand.
âI feel like youâre just dismissing me,â you say quietly, squeezing the mug tighter in your hands.
âBecause youâre acting like a child.â
âYouâre treating me like a child,â you retort quickly, sitting up straighter in your chair.
âLook, darling. Maybe this is just our gap in life experience rearing its head. Youâve got a lot to learn, and sometimes it shows.â
âYou know, our age gap only becomes a problem when you make it a problem. You want a sweet, young girlfriend until she acts her age, and then itâs an issue.â
âBecause you can be so mature, and then all of a sudden youâre throwing a tantrum like a child,â he fumes, placing his glass down on the mantelpiece and folding his arms over his chest. âYouâre young and youâre soft, Iâm not oblivious to that. But sometimes you canât take a joke - or sometimes you miss the joke completely. Itâs not my fault if you twist that into me making you feel stupid.â
You put your mug down onto the side table, willing yourself not to get upset. You stand up so youâre no longer below him, still keeping a distance between the two of you. Breathing in deeply, you exhale shakily in an attempt to keep yourself and your composure together.
âYouâre acting like my age is something that came up later, Rupert - and thatâs not true at all. You knew how old I was when we met. You knew I was significantly younger than you.â
âYes, I did. Maybe I just wasnât aware of how often it would come up as a point when we argued.â
He leans against the fireplace wall, sharp features illuminated by the light of the flames. All that can be heard are the sounds of wood crackling and two sets of lungs heaving for breath.
âYouâre making me feel like Iâm insane,â you burst suddenly, sick of biting your tongue. âYouâre acting as if everything is all my fault. When will you take some responsibility, Rupert? When will you hold your hands up and say âdo you know what - Iâm sorry, I shouldnât have done itâ, hmm? Why do I always have to apologise?â
âDarling-â
âNo, Iâm sick of it. One minute, youâre telling me our age gap doesnât matter because weâre in love and Iâm mature and intelligent and everything you need - and the next minute youâre treating me like some sort of virginal lamb that doesnât know the difference between left and right. Make up your mind, because youâre making me dizzy.â
âIf youâre so sick of it, why are we doing this? If you are so sick of it, you know where the door is, darling. Iâm not forcing you to stay here.â
Thatâs all it takes for the tears to start falling, hot and heavy down your cheeks. Your sadness seems to be uncontrollable, stemming from your chest and humming through your veins. Youâre surprised youâre not turning blue, a perfect personification of sorrow.
You stand your ground and cry in place, refusing to move to him for comfort. Eventually, he breaks first, unable to watch you sob any longer.
âMy darling,â he soothes, striding across the space to wrap his arms around you. âMy sweet girl.â
His nicknames only make you cry harder, burying your face in his crisp white dress shirt and undoubtedly getting makeup all over it. He doesnât care, one hand gripping the back of your neck while the other wraps around your waist to pull you closer.
âThat was really mean,â you blubber into his chest. âDo you actually want me to leave?â
âNo,â he reassures, rocking you in his arms gently. âNo, darling. No. God, thatâs the last thing I want. Honest.â
âWhy did you say it then?â
Your voice is muffled, face still pressed against him. He smells so familiar and masculine and Rupert that it only makes you cry more.
âI⊠I donât know,â he confesses, squeezing you tighter. âI shouldnât have. You know me, I- I say things I donât mean when Iâm angry.â
âThatâs not an answer.â
Your fingers are gripping the back of his shirt, holding on for dear life.
âI know, darling. I know.â
You sniffle as you pull back slightly to look up at him, surprised to see his eyes teary and glistening.
âDo you love me, Rupert? Because, because- if you⊠if you really wanted me to leave⊠youâd tell me, wouldnât you?â
âSweet girl,â he breathes, cradling your face in his hands. âOf course I love you. The fact you even have to ask breaks my heart. I donât want to you leave - I love having you here. And god forbid, if something bad did happen between us⊠we both know we wouldnât stick around and pretend that this is something itâs not.â
Part of you knows that heâs good at this - saying exactly what you want and need to hear. The rest of you is stupidly relieved, letting his words wash over you like a balm on a scrape.
âI didnât like it when you laughed at me tonight. One, because it made me feel stupid, and two⊠because I donât want people to doubt us. You know what theyâre all like. They see the tiniest crack and dig their fingers into it until itâs a gaping wound that they can all gossip about.â
âYouâre right, youâre right,â he murmurs as he sweeps his thumbs back and forth across your cheekbones. âI shouldnât give them any ammunition. Iâm sorry, darling. I didnât realise it would upset you so much. There was no malicious intent on my part, I swear - it was just a joke between friends. You know Bas adores you.â
âI know,â you half chuckle. âHe tells me every single time he sees me.â
âExactly,â Rupert grins, leaning in to press a kiss to your forehead. âBut no one adores you the way I do. I can promise you that.â
You nod, wrapping your arms around his middle and resting your head against his chest. The top few buttons of his shirt are undone, meaning you can feel his warm skin against your cheek, comforting and familiar.
âRupert?â
He hums, encouraging you to continue.
âWill you stop bringing up my age when we argue? I donât ever mention that youâre older than me, but youâre so quick to call me young or inexperienced or a baby.â
âYes, darling. Iâm sorry that it seems like a focal point for us - itâs not, I swear.â
âYou kissed me.â
âHmm?â
âYou kissed me, that day in the garden. Not the other way around. You made the move first. Iâm not some innocent girl chasing after you because Iâm naive and too young to know any better.â
âI know that. I kissed you because I thought you were the most magnificent girl Iâd ever met. I still do.â
He tightens his arms around you, gently rocking you like a child again.
âI donât want to argue anymore,â you mumble, sighing deeply.
âNeither do I, darling. Weâre finished with the arguing now. Promise.â
Rupert takes half a step back, to give him a better look at you. You still look beautiful, even if you do have mascara running down your cheeks and lipstick smudged across your face.
âI love you,â he murmurs as he leans in to kiss you.
âI love you too,â you manage to mutter against his lips, kissing him back as hard as you can.
He kisses you carefully, methodically, as if heâs worried heâll spook you and youâll take off running. Heâs keeping you close, hands gripping your hips to plaster your body to his. You tangle your fingers in his hair, tugging the dark locks with a little too much force, which he doesnât seem to mind.
Rupert walks you both towards the fire, lips never parting from yours. His hand finds the back of your dress, pulling down the zip in one smooth movement. It falls to your feet, kicked to the side in disregard. He sits down in the armchair and pulls you with him so youâre straddling his lap, legs on either side of his hips and arms thrown around his neck.
âYou are so beautiful,â he whispers, fingers tracing patterns up and down your bare back.
You press kisses into his neck and down his chest, the hair there tickling your face as you do it. Your hips have slowly started to move against his, both of you out of breath as the stakes get higher and higher.
He undoes the zip on his trousers, smirking when you whimper at his knuckles brushing your wet core. He pulls them down just enough to free himself, not worried about getting completely undressed.
âI want these off,â he instructs, pulling at the waistband of your underwear. âNow, darling.â
You wiggle them down your legs, kicking them off one foot in the direction of your dress. Youâre fully naked in his lap, while heâs still wearing his shirt unbuttoned with his trousers halfway down his thighs. You both look debauched, more scandalous than you could ever imagine. You wish for a moment that you had a mirror, desperate to watch the way you need each other.
You take matters into your own hands and line him up, sinking down slowly so you can savour the stretch. It burns just right, the slight ache a welcome intrusion.
âShit, darling. Thatâs it. Good girl.â
Tangling your fingers into the back of his hair, you start to wind your hips up and down - gently at first, and then with more vigour. Rupert lets his head loll back into the chair, exposing that gorgeously tanned neck of his. You nip at it with your teeth, grinning when he groans all low and slow.
He cups your tits, squeezing and pinching as he begins to buck his hips to meet yours. Youâre determined to do all the work yourself, but he can read your body language like a book, whether you like it or not. He knows youâre getting tired, but will point blank refuse to admit it.
One of his hands slinks between you to rub firm circles onto your clit, both of you moaning when you clench down around him. He can tell youâre almost there, just needing the tiniest push to throw you over the edge.
âThere we go, good girl. My good girl. All mine.â
Thatâs all you need, back arching and legs shaking as you reach your climax. Yours triggers Rupertâs, the most delicious groan leaving his mouth as he comes. He looks like a Greek God, all chiseled and glistening in the firelight.
Burying your head into the crook of his neck, you breathe him and try to calm your pounding heart. You can feel his heart battering against his chest where itâs pressed against yours, bodies tangled together in the armchair.
The two of you catch your breath for a while, revelling in the warmth of the fire and the company of the other. Eventually, Rupert carries you upstairs, murmuring sweet nothings into your ear and stroking your hair as he does it.
I was wrong, earlier, you think as he tucks you into bed and immediately climbs in next to you, plastering himself to your back. No one could love me like Rupert does.
iâve said it before and iâll say it again, even if I sound like a broken recordâŠ
reblogs are gold dust to writers!! reblog the fics you read and enjoy, and your favourite writers will keep writing them for you!! it really is that simple!! <3
#rupert campbell black#rupert campbell black x reader#rupert campbell black smut#rupert campbell black x reader smut#rupert campbell black imagine#rupert campbell black fic#rivals x reader#rivals imagine#rivals fanfiction#rivals smut#rivals fic#rivals#rivals 2024#rupert campbell black x you#rupert campbell black x female reader#rupert campbell black fluff#rupert campbell black angst#rupert campbell black x reader fluff#rupert campbell black x reader angst#rupert campbell black x younger!reader
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Cold to the touch
Enemies to lovers Bucky x reader
TW - smut, angst
The compound was unusually quiet, save for the rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall. You sat at the kitchen counter, nursing a mug of tea, hoping the caffeine would get you through another tense morning.
It wasnât the missions, the training, or even the threat of constant danger that drained you. No, it was him.
Bucky Barnes. The Winter Soldier. Resident pain in your ass.
You had been forced to work together on Steveâs orders, a new partnership meant to âstrengthen the team dynamic.â Instead, it had only strengthened your resolve to avoid him at all costs. Bucky was cold, distant, and maddeningly closed off. And worse, he seemed to go out of his way to make your life hell.âUp early, huh?â His voice, low and gravelly, startled you out of your thoughts. Speak of the devil.
You turned to find him leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, his piercing blue eyes fixed on you. He looked as stoic as ever, but there was a hint of amusement tugging at the corner of his mouth.
âI could say the same to you,â you replied, trying to keep your tone neutral.
He shrugged, moving to pour himself a cup of coffee. The silence stretched, heavy and awkward, until he broke it.
âYouâve been avoiding me.â It wasnât a question.
You blinked at him, surprised by his directness. âNot everything is about you, Barnes.â
âOh, Iâm pretty sure this is,â he said, turning to face you fully. His gaze was sharp, assessing, like he was trying to read your mind. âWhatâs your problem with me, anyway?â
âMy problem?â You laughed bitterly, setting your mug down with a clink. âYouâre arrogant, impossible to talk to, and you act like the whole world owes you something.â
Buckyâs jaw tightened, the faintest crack in his icy exterior. âYou donât know the first thing about me,â he said, his voice dangerously low.
âAnd whose fault is that?â you shot back. âYou donât let anyone in. Youâre like a damn wall.â
He took a step closer, his steel-blue eyes burning into yours. âMaybe I donât let people in because I know how it ends. People like youâthey donât stick around when things get messy.â
The raw vulnerability in his voice caught you off guard, cutting through your anger like a blade. For a moment, you saw the man beneath the armor, the one haunted by a past he couldnât escape.
âThatâs not fair,â you said softly, your tone losing its edge. âYou donât get to push people away and then blame them for not trying.â
Bucky stared at you, his expression unreadable. Then, without warning, he closed the distance between you, his metal hand bracing on the counter beside you.
âWhy do you care, anyway?â he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. âWhy not just walk away?â
Your breath hitched as his proximity sent a shiver down your spine. His scent, a mix of leather and something distinctly him, filled your senses, making it impossible to think straight.
âMaybe Iâm just stubborn,â you said, your voice shaking slightly.
He tilted his head, his gaze dropping to your lips. âStubborn enough to take a chance on someone like me?â
You didnât have time to answer. Buckyâs lips crashed against yours, desperate and unrelenting, like heâd been holding himself back for far too long. You gasped against his mouth, your hands flying to his chest, unsure whether to push him away or pull him closer.
He made the decision for you. His flesh hand slid to your waist, tugging you against him as his metal fingers traced up your spine, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake. His kiss was messy, full of teeth and hunger, but it was exactly what you needed.
âBucky,â you breathed when his lips left yours to trail down your jaw, nipping at the sensitive skin of your neck.
âTell me to stop,â he rasped, his breath hot against your skin. âIf you want me to, tell me now.â But you didnât. Instead, you pulled him closer, threading your fingers through his hair as his hands roamed, exploring every inch of you like he was memorizing it.
âHard to love, huh?â you murmured, your voice teasing despite the breathlessness.
Bucky pulled back just enough to look at you, his blue eyes dark with desire. âYou have no idea.â
And then he kissed you again, and for the first time, you thought maybe you were willing to find out.
#bucky barnes#angst bucky#bucky barnes x reader#bucky smut#bucky x y/n#marvel#winter soldier#winter soldier smut#enemies to friends to lovers#enemy bucky#sebastian stan x reader#dark sebastian stan#sebastian Stan x#bucky x#bucky fic#Bucky imagine#bucky fluff#bucky x female reader#bucky au
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Tf 141: Price and his marriage problems with you
Angst to comfort 'cause I just can't deal with leavin' it hangin' and being angry at the writer (me) for just endin' it like that Playlist Inspo: Yaur, it ain't a song but a whole ass playlist 'cause we in for a hellavu ride *fire sound effects*
Price just sometimes gets too prideful for his own good, his bravado taking the step forward instinctively when it comes to serious conversations involving you.
Deep down, he always wants what's best for you-- for you and him together as partners.
But that sometimes doesn't get translated in the way you would understand his intent, and this is proven true once again when he comes to learn that you driven home drunk after a night out with your friends.
"You could've gotten hurt."
Price, whenever in an argument with you, would never shout. That to you, speak volumes from the way he positioned himself to a wide legged stance, arms crossed to the way his icy glare seeped into the words coming out of his mouth.
But you've had enough of it.
"Well, you look like you could care less." You huffed out, slamming your front door closed and tossing away your shoes.
"Care less?" He hums, one eyebrow raised as he takes in your disheveled appearance. "Then my texts asking where you were and offering a ride home are just nothing to you?"
"No!"
"Then tell me," he steps closer but you step back. "how does it look like to you?"
This feels like he's cornering you, badgering for an answer he wants to hear and not about how you feel-- but you just can't seem to gather the courage to speak on it, after being denied of such things for so long.
So you bit your lip, backing up so far with your arms wrapped around, that you hit your back on the door-- and you had half a mind to run away from this, from everything, and most of all-
From him.
Price sees the panicked look on your face and feels his hand tucked under his armpit twitch, but his rational brain stops him-- knowing that if he let his inhibitions go right now, he'd see you hurt even more.
"Darlin'," he softly calls out this time, "tell me." But the demand remains the same-- and for a moment this made you believe he'd finally get the point and ask how you feel.
About him. About how this relationship have crumbled into.
"Y'know what John," you scoffed, "you wouldn't understand anyways."
He feels the ire grow from the way his hairs stand on end at your dismissiveness, your unwillingness to give an olive branch and just let him help you.
"Tell me anyways." He insists and you couldn't help how you obviously rolled your eyes at his one insistent dialogue option. Persistent in his ways of getting you to talk.
"And I said," you growled, "you wouldn't understand nor care to anyways!"
"THEN FUCKING MAKE ME!"
He cracks.
You crack.
And something inside both of you does as well.
Like a snap of a cord, the tension in its high rise grow cold.
Silence permeating the area you once found comfort in and called- "home."
Price sees the terror in your eyes and he just fucking knows he fucked up.
Fucked everything up just because he broke first-- snapped too hard at someone who held so dearly, but has now broken himself.
And he's panickily trying to fix it. Fix you. Fix each other.
His deepest nightmare coming into reality, the side of him he tried so hard to keep from you resurfacing, the acknowledgements of his faults getting the better of him as he you stare each other soullessly-- eyes not showing the same spark it did the first time he took you out.
Price knows he gets scary and unreasonable-- its part of his identity and how he deals with the other aspect of his life that he tries so damn hard to keep away from you.
Yet here it is- making its appearance in the worst. fucking. time. possible.
The silence is now broken with a sob coming from you.
You, who is unable to take in the state of the proud John you know and love now look to utterly destroyed from the one sentence leaving his mouth.
And the fact that its now out there, speaking a thousand emotions behind the four words he released in desperation.
You do love him. You love John so much sometimes it hurts to see him hurt you.
You're so damn frustrated with yourself that you can't handle being hurt by the man you love- you feel so pathetic, unable to take his concerns guised in criticism, his messages of tough love behind the formal texts on your phone, his small actions of appreciation from respecting your space and letting you breath after another argument.
"Are we done for John?"
You ask, through hiccups, forcing the matter on hand-- one of which you both desperately avoided for so long.
You wait.
You could hear the air still once again, it taking a chokehold on you, making you more desperate of the deprived oxygen.
You hear him shuffle to you.
The arms you previously wrapped around yourself were now around someone else, a different set now covering your own torso.
"My love," he chokes out, a soft "...Please" is all that he could manage.
"Please what?" You, yourself could barely respond but you knew you had to. He had to as well.
"Don't..." he sighs, head falling onto your shoulder. "...don't say such things."
"Why not?"
He feel him still.
"Tell me John."
He feels your position now. Vulnerable, wounded, and cornered without a choice.
"I'm sorry," he finally says with his chest heavy, "I'm so sorry my love, please."
He grabs your face desperately, hands now cupping your face instead of your waist.
And you could just see- how equally broken this man is.
You never saw Price cry, but that one time he slotted that ring on your finger and finally called you, 'his.'
But this... this is completely different.
From the way his eyes are dilated, not in love, but in genuine distraught. His hands shaky, not in nervousness, but anxiousness. His hands soft, not in care, but of fright.
If this is destroying him, then it did for you too.
Price continues to beg and plead, wiping your tears and dismissing his own. It doesn't matter if he can taste his salty tears and snot-- you just mattered more, and refusing to just stand there and watch you cry.
With a shaky breath, you finally raise your hand to his hand softly grabbing it and Price thinks he finally got to you.
But you pull it away.
Instead, you pull in downward and intertwine it with yours, slightly swinging it between you.
"John."
You call out and he opens his ears, replies, anything to get you talking--, "yes my dear?"
"I'm hurt."
He's about to ask why, where, how-- he wants to know everything.
"And I think I'm hurting you... well, more like us."
He shakes his head, disagreeing immediately.
"Darling, no." He fumbles his words, "its me- I'm hurting you, hurting us, and I-."
"No, its my fault."
"No, its mine."
"No, I just sometimes can't take it."
"Then its me! I'm at fault."
But you both insist and it seems endless until you both run out of breath again, yet... your intertwined hands persist. Grip so tight that you wouldn't even think of letting go.
This...makes you laugh, a soft one, and John swear he could hear bells ringing again.
You test it and try to pull away but he doesn't let you.
You giggle again and its infectious that Price couldn't help doing it as well.
"Why..." his chuckles die down but a smile stays painted on his lips, "why were you laughing?"
You shook your head and continue swinging your hands with more energy, "don't know..."
"But," you raised your head- eyes connecting once more, "this is just so silly."
"Silly?" He scoffs, so confused at the how quick the emotions are changing.
"Silly." You insisted but end of sighing, hands slowing down.
"I think," you began with your voice down back to a whisper, "we should be honest and talk."
Price immediately nods in agreement and adds a, "and take a step back?" And he does this literally too, making you chuckle.
Realizing as well at how cold the room has been, contrasting the warmth of your hands.
"yeah..." you mumble and unconsciously reach out for him again. "let's try... again?"
He reaches for you but this time, his grip is soft as if he was ready to let you pull away again.
"Together."
A/N: gonna be makin one for the other boiyos too so... part 1/4? :>> Masterlist for my other works here!
#price x reader#no beta we die like soap#cod mw2#crackfic#tf 141 x reader#price cod#price x you#modern warfare#captain john price#john price x reader#cod john price#captain price#task force 141#john price#angst to comfort#im not angstin you are#Spotify
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having a lot of thoughts about eating disorders + how some of us end up developing chronic illnesses directly because of the physical effects of our eating disorders and how Cruel doctors can be about that and just trying to untangle so much shame and blame from that experience rn
#personal#vent#eating disorder tw#disability#idk. i don't quite have the words for this right now but#had another meeting with my doctor where they said yeah its your fault that you are now physically disabled for life#(literally i was chronically ill and physically disabled before i even developed an eating disorder because of CAH and comorbidities but#(they love to ignore that !)#which is like. i do not tie any morality to health and it should just be#a completely neutral statement. that my eating disorder caused other physical complications#they said i'm going to have orthostatic problems the rest of my life.#'since your gastroparesis was caused by your eating disorder that means there is no point in treating it'#which is so funny bc literally every time i see her my dietitan wants me to get a feeding tube! lmfao!!!!#i am actually doing pretty well in recovery in terms of meeting my energy needs through food. but i stopped being able to orally supplement#so my dietitan wants a tube for ARFID nutrient reasons. supplemental nutrition etc etc. and she thinks it will help gastroparesis symptoms#they also think i have osteoporosis and want to test me for that#when i had to use forearm crutches/ wheelchair because of physical ed complications doctors were SO fucking rude even though they were#the ones PRESCRIBING IT!!! like!!! you all are the ones telling me i HAVE to do this!#idk i also have a friend with permanent brain damage. from seizures in the refeeding process#and her doctors are so fucking rude to her all the time.#it makes me so mad
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still flabergasted that i solved my chronic UTIs with extensive medical research and not by giving money to doctors who were just telling me to drink cranberry juice.
#tbh its not the doctors fault#research in medecine is underfunded in that area because its womens problems#but funded just enough for there to be a few papers on bacterial communities#and like one guy in spain talking about acetylcisteine in conjunction with d-manose#and boy i had nothing to loose#over a year and a half uti free when i used to have one every 3months#i cant believe i made it tbh#that my life is gentle my body not regularly in excrutiating pain#i havent had antibiotics in so long when i basically used to snack on them#life really do get better#you do have to put in the hours tho#anyway if anybody has chronic utis i recommend looking into acetylcisteine#ofc do your own research and make sure its not anything else#uti
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idk ab yall, but i fully believe that everything happens for a reason :-) life is interesting indeed
#and whether that is to teach you a lesson#or to help you get revenge#or to punish you#or you bless you for deeds#idk! life is a pretty funky thing#but the most important thing ive learnt in my 18 years is that#maybe sometimes ; you ARE the problem. and thats okay#sometimes its not bc everyone hates you. maybe its because you truly did something wrong and you need to learn from your actions#and its important to evaluate as well ; dont just blame everything and everyone else for things that happened that gave you negative emotion#-emotions!#its okay to be the problem. no one faults you entirely. but you learn and grow like everyone else#but thats if youâre willing to learn and grow like everyone else :)#you will never truly grow if you stick with a victimising mindset#and you will never truly find what youâre seeking with a victimising mindset#wow i rly went on a tangent here sorry yall hehe im being reflective tonight#genuinely 18 years have passed and sometimes im like!! why am i still here!!!! but then i remember im here for a reason too#and i hope to find the reason one day
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Want to actually kill myself :-/
#not really đż#i just. i feel that i am making a mistake đż and it's horrible because the mistake i am making is the only thing i have ever really wanted#its fucking worth it i guess. is it? apparently love is worth it even when it makes you want to die#maybe love shouldnt make you want to die. maybe its me thats broken. if its good and beautiful i dont deserve it but if it's hard and ugly#then you just hate yourself because it must be your fault and you must be able to do better#and i just love her so much but what if she cant get better. i know she can. but what if i cant save her#what if i end up so much more doomed for my efforts. what if i spend another two years trying to keep my head above water trying to solve#unsolvable problems and fighting a loosing battle against someone who?#should be my partner my friend my equal#trying to fill someones head with love and goodness in vein because they wont let go or loosen their grip on their trauma responses#will i really be able to live the life i want to live if i keep promising her the world. what if i just fail once again for thebillionthtime#what if i make her hate me what if im still not enough.i am setting myself up to get my heart broken in themost spectacular worldending way.#and its actually horrifying. i want to live under a fucking rock forever and never make any fri3nds ever again because maybe I'll finally#feel safe that way. yay#who up catastrophising with me tonight. yippee. lets all hold hands so tight
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Thinking about going to World Most Boring Bible Study Ever. Idk yall. Idk. Idek.
#the number of times i have faked a call yo leave early. the number of times ive played solitaire on my phone. i got to the potty to kill tim#like! just answer questions its not that hard!!!!!!#you dont even need to be right just throw some spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks!#also group leaders stop reading questions from a script from your phone#ALSO PLEASE CAN WE STOP GOING THROUGH THE SAME VERSES WE GO THROUVH ON SUNDAYS#this is why we have a split in our life group/church crowdm just sayin#i just. i just miss doing bible studys with people who were way smarter than me#being a church kid in a college church is just đđđ#i shpuldnt be dreading going to bible study!!!!!!#so its probably a me problem right?!#and also the group leaders have had to tell me to stfu more than once (politely. which was really annoying. dont pussyfoot around!!)#also our only bible study is also our ~only space for new comers~ so i get in trouble if i get too meaty in my excitements and theology#EHICH SHOJLDNT BE MY FAULT!!!!!!!#and YEAH it IS my fault that its my only spot where im spiritually feeding. but also there is a secret eomens group people mention that..#i guess im just excluded from? but also i know most of the women dont like me bc I have interminable Doesnt Shut Up Disease l#like i understand fhat yes it is a little my fault rhat me talking about deep theology makes them feel inadequate but also THAT SHOULDNT BE#guh. i also forgot my meds today so im a little bit more mulish and hard hearted#and i KNOW its a teachable moment amd God is usimg this to temper me or something else but im feelimg grumblr#and ill probably delete this later.#and i have to got to work ok bye
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"i need to justify myself to this internet stranger asking someone to care about their problems" should be a really good warning sign that you needed to log off ten minutes ago and you especially need to log off right now. however it would appear that no one but me believes this
#red rambles#if you dont know them and they're asking you to do things you cannot do and it makes you irrationally angry or guilty#you need to get your brain off the internet like right now. for real#im sick to death of people sending asks to people begging for like solidarity with 'oohhh but i cant do that so you HATE ME' bro you#desperately need to get the fuck off this website for at least like fifteen minutes.#its not their fault you have problems in your life and its not your fault they have problems in theirs. grow up and log off#at worst go play like flight rising or neopets or some shit until you're no longer feeling personally attacked by other people's problems
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law of attraction really is the biggest scam of the 21st century. the pseudo science that comes with it and from it is massive and destructive. anti vaxx WISHES they had what LOA has
#look into ANY âguruâ in this shit and actually listen to what they say. it sounds insane#and it's extremely harmful to think your negative thoughts bring in all the harm of the universe upon u#it makes u try to take responsibility for others shitty behavior or just unlucky shit in life#as if u asked for it all. and you'll crumble mentally from that#the weight of the world isnt yours to carry#and you can't just âthink positiveâ your way out of debt or cancer đ€Ș#white middle-class loves believing this is how they get a chance for the 1% piece of cake tho#and they love to use this as a way to not have to extend empathy towards anyone around them#b/c if youre sick or low its your fault and if u just have a better mindset you wouldnt have all these problems đ#so they refuse to give u actual help and instead isolate themselves from u and act like you're contagious#đŠ
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its too easy to become a conservative bc all it takes is to shut off your brain, which is why you shouldn't become one
#its too easy to turn it off and look away from all the worlds problems and act like anyones problems is their own fault#its too easy to reduce the worlds problems into 'people who actually try to make money and people who dont try enough'#its too easy to reduce everything into simple phrases rather than actually using critical thinking and nuance to understand better#and the fact its so easy is what makes it so alluring to people. they dont want to put up with the burden of actually having to LEARN#anything. no. that requires emotional energy. which is something you CAN run out of. but to me its something worth running out of#sure you shouldn't just. take on all the worlds problems on your shoulders- thats a one way ticket to burn out.#but i feel like if i havent been emotionally burdened in a long time- it means im not paying attention.#dont be that guy. life is not better when you have 0 problems. you cant push down your guilt of not helping others forever.#the only way life is better when you have no problems is that you have more time to help others with their problems.#mood
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I think what anon meant to say is that Mine is the complete opposite of Kiryu, but they have their similarities (both being orphans who became weirdoâs when they grew up) however their paths, the people they surround themselves with, and their worldviews are different.
yeah alright thats fair đ©
#snap chats#i accidentally deleted all my tags im going to fucking scream. im gonna type them all up again but just know im mad#LIKE YEAH. its just the words 'mine is evil capitalist kiryu' shotgunned me in the face i coludnt discern what it meant#the comparison between mine and kiryu is somethin that ive always been interested in tho highkey#after mine's caregiver died he had absolutely no one growing up. meanwhile kiryu had the likes of yumi nishiki and kazama + kashiwagi#kiryu might not have had a biological family anymore but he very much still had a family and a role model#whether kazama was a good one or not aint the topic at hand Point Is its obvious having family in your early years is pretty important#its only astounding mine was able to become a white collar citizen all alone but god...#this is just reminding me i have to finish my childhood development paper WHOOPS its almost done i prommy but anyway#its so unfortunate for mine to be like 'you're like me why are you so happy' because he /isnt/ like mine#he had an entirely different life growing up so of course the two cant connect at all#and with that perspective its just a little insane for kiryu to try to assert that mine should Just Think Differently#thats not his fault obviously he cant know the extent of mine's childhood. all he heard was I Was An Orphan#and took his own experiences and applied them- as mine did towards kiryu#i am. RAMBLING anyway common grounds mine and kiryu do have are orphans + daigo + the lengths theyll go for loved ones#only problem is for mine that includes killing The Loved One because he's insane and thinks coma patients should be mercy killed#like no mine !!!! thats not a thing you can decide put the guN DOWN#ok bye. im gonna stare at my wall
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still thinking about how Eight doesn't want to run into other Echani in the wild because he's afraid they'll see right through him and know the kind of man he is at first glance (an honorless killer) and the knowledge that he no longer fits even in his own culture's society would be too harsh a blow to bear, but unbeknownst to him it'd probably just make him more attractive in their eyes lolol
#swtor#ooc#eight: i can never look another member of my species in the eye for what i've done. they would see all of my sins and a warrior doomed#like 90% of echani: good LORD this is the STRONGEST warrior ive ever seen in my life..and that solitude...we will be married in the spring#echani are super social with their own kind so seeing a literal lone wolf would probably appeal to many.#old fashioned ones would see it as undesirable but i imagine it's like having a type for bad boys LMFAO#eight is right though lone wolves are not typical mate material#but he's thinking about it completely the wrong way as if it's wholly unattractive and not a new kind of awakening for some đ#probably the fault of his traditionalist family#not to mention that would be completely overshadowed by his achievements in battle#he goes back to Eshan afraid of being ostracized but is spammed with courting duels instead and is like this is a completely DIFFERENT kind#*of problem#echani are so funny. judges your martial ability as peak attractiveness first#I imagine echani are also drawn to other social species if they can't find a battleworthy mate#but when they marry humans or something the first reaction is always 'oh....they don't look very....strong. well as long as you're happy'#insert i didn't know you liked them...tall from fresh prince of belair#man no wonder eight just pretends he doesn't have any family#being full echani but part thyrsian is also its own set of problems
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my mom is the best person in this household and she is the best person in this whole fucking family and im sick of people acting like its otherwise
#ive never met a person who has made more sacrifices than her#my aunts and my grandma made her life absolute hell and my dad never believed her and blamed her for ripping our family apart#he only believed her when he heard it straight from his sister in laws' mouth. HIS SISTER IN LAW. NOT HIS WIFE.#my dad's sisters are constantly shitting on her. constantly constantly constantly and he never thinks theres anything wrong with it#because shes from a 'lower' family and because what right does she ever have over his siblings who have bullied him his whole life#it makes no fucking sense how he can side with these people over his own wife. what kind of husband are you#and my mom has done infinitely more for my brother than my dad but somehow my brother finds blame for her for every single thing#if there is a problem like the lights going out EVEN IF MY MOM ISNT FUCKING HOME my brother will find a way to blame her for it#because everything is a womans fault. if she makes him late to school once he wont talk to her for weeks disregarding all the times he made#her late for work and made her work until 9 in the fucking night to make up for it#and if my dad ever does the same thing? oh its not his fault đ#these people are all the worst hypocrites#everybody has their flaws. my mom surely has flaws too. but who are you people to act this way to your wife. to your mother.#someone who has sacrificed for you over and over and over again and continues to suffer because of you but still does things for you without#complaint#my mom's mother is sick and was so close to dying these past few weeks. alhamdullilah shes doing better now#but my dad did not call my nani or my mom's siblings once. NOT ONCE. never asked about her. never did anything#and then when my mom had enough and called him out on not being there for family he yelled at her for being crazy and unreasonable#but if this were any of my dad's siblings and my mom didnt call hed throw an absolute fit 'oh youre horrible you dont even think of family?'#my mom is somehow always the scapegoat for every single problem. if my dad drives recklessly and breaks smth in the car#and then my brother drives the car he will blame my mom for breaking the car because women are always horrible drivers#if my dad leaves the lights on and the bulbs stop working my brother will blame my mom#if my brother does something horrible my dad will say my mom is the reason hes grown up this way#DISREGARDING THAT HE HIMSELF ENABLES MY BROTHERS BEHAVIOR.#im so sick of this family im sick of their hypocrisy. my mom is the best person theyll ever meet AND THEY KNOW IT#if i could be even half the person my mom is i would not have the problems i do now#aricouldyounot
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*gets solution*
đ” FUCK YOU , FUCK YOU đ”
*clap clap clap*
#watching our classmates solve is free entertainment#he just sits and swears while solving#curses the problem multiple times#like you will randomly hear#i have to double diffrentiate ah bro fuck you fuck you its so much work#kill yourself i just did three methods and got the wrong answers each time this is your fault go fuck yourself#do you know how much effort it took go kill yourself i hope you die a gruesome slow death full of pain#i hope you will be miserable all your pathetic life#this was ONE math class#ONE#so much hate for the problems#student chaos#chaotic academia#chaos#college#science student things#student#stem#school#science academia#science jokes#chaotic academia aesthetic#desiblr#desi studyblr#math get a life#math#math will be the end of me#mathematics#turning into cfal students
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