#its not anything too drastic
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For some reason I suddenly thought it was a good idea to try and cut my own hair. It remains to be seen if this was an actually good idea. If not, maybe it'll give me incentive to finally get a haircut
#idk you cut off a bit to like try and manage it#and then suddenly become aware of the fact that you're a creature of free will and a pair of scissors#and you can do whatever yoh want !!#and keep cutting ...#its not anything too drastic#but i think when it drys its gonna look verh choppy 😭 im scared#idk i just dont really like going to the barber bcs its just a pain#to have to set aside a time where youre just chained to a chair and cant do anything productive#and also once you get the haircut you live in eternal regret for like a week#i shouldnt be allowed to have scissors#and if does enf up looking bad and i grt an appointment#shes gonna be like why is your hair shorter ????? well you see i remembered i have free will#catie.rambling.txt
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resignation letter is the most potent painkiller. i love you resignation letter i love you one month notice <3
#tmi but im regular again and literally the only change is because i've been eating enough to shit daily#i was in such a bad headspace these past few months that i could barely bring myself to eat#i'd go to sleep with my work uniform still on and wake up willing myself to get up for 30 mins and then brushing my teeth and going to work#with the same clothes i slept in#i stopped hanging out with my friends. i had nightmares abt my job.#i can only take care of myself on my days' off and i cant grok anything other than shallow entertainment like wrestling#everything else is too much for my brain to handle. i'd simply forget everything i read or play or even listen to#those three months are miserable lmao#its not just my job... its also the family issues i've been dealing with#yknow remember when i said i could have died? yeah that shit was real. fuckin love it when my mom admit my dad have the capacity to be a#family annihilator. but... since my dad have a job to keep him busy and we moved to a house where me and my sister and#my mom and dad get to have our own rooms... and my dad get to live near his old friends and family...#things have been getting better. usually we had a physical fight every two months but it hasnt happened yet and i seem to get on with him#better now. so... i guess im gonna be okay. i've been so tired and trapped#stuck between two places that are both physically and emotionally draining with no reprieve#things are changing. and i find that to be comforting despite how up in the air the future might be. i might be screwed but also? what if#i'll be fine? im at a point where im accepting any drastic changes even if its for the worse#funny how i used to like my job a lot. i guess im not to be comfortable with anything long term#posts about my life
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Anime good :) (Patreon)
#Doodles#MP100#Shigeo Kagayama#Reigen Arataka#Ritsu Kageyama#Forgive the anglicized name order lol#MP100 was another one of my breakfast anime! Admittedly I did not Just watch it during breakfast tho lol#It was too good ahhhh I kept finding my thoughts returning to it throughout the day!#I probably ended up watching an additional episode or so per day over however long it took haha - drastically cut down the number of days!#The lead ups to the finales especially got me - there was no way I could for the whole next day to see them through!#Plus getting to see those beautiful EPs gosh <3 What could be better than some absolutely stunning animation ♥#I was quite impressed the whole way through :D The cast was great and the animation was beautiful and fluid and impressive#And the technical ability that went into the painted animation! Gosh!!#But most of all - of course - it's just a good solid story <3 Of course it's beautifully expressed but it's just - good down to its bones#I love a story like that :) Mob is such a wonderful character and he's surrounded by good people ♥ It made my heart happy to see#He's loved and he loves <3 That's my very favourite!#Unsurprisingly to me I was most enamoured by the brother relationship who could've seen that coming lol me? Siblings? Pfsh ♪#Ritsu's a sweet boy as well <3 I cried at him crying from Mob not even considering forgiving him because there was never anything to forgive#Not me shorter older sibling feeling exactly the same way hhghghh I'm fine ;;#Reigen is such a fun deadbeat supportive adoptive dad haha ♪ He's hard to pin down! Loved his redemption arc(s) :)#Flawed individuals my beloved <3#Such an enjoyable cast and set of circumstances! I might actually have to give OPM a proper go sometime soon if this is the writing quality
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THIS IS GONNA SOUND SO MEAN BUT WHY DO U LIKE RYO AOKI/MASATO
masato hot
#snap chats#just like me... heh ... my ac has been broken all month im melting for the love of god send an iceberg im begging you#him turning into aoki is incredibly funny to me like jesus christ. what a lack of self love does to a mfer#but anyway 1.) please do not yell i scare easy 2.) meaner has been said its ok 3.) very reasonable to ask why anyone would like aoki#and 4.) to be Cereal he's inch resting to me. also his speech to ichi at the end hit a lil close and i was reminded of high school#5.) i really like his eng dub voice sorry im american. BUT HIS JP VOICE IS EXCELLENT TOO IM JUST SAYIN#rgg doesnt give an Exact on his disability so looking into lung diseases/conditions has also been interesting#esp post-lung surgery cases and care too so i thank rgg for the opportunity to do some reading#i also do In General just like cases of someone wanting to be loved and changing drastically to get it only to still be unhappy#granted. he sucks so LMAO can only have so much sympathy but it's still interesting to watch#the arakawas is also a part of why i like him because they all work as a big machine. if that makes sense#like the arakawas in general are such an interesting bundle i love all of them a lot because of what they mean to each other#in the case of aoki none of them mean anything to him at most resenting arakawa and despising ichi#meanwhile sawashiro's just. There LOL im so sorry king thats the truth of it all ... i love you tho ...#oh but back to aoki. i also really like politican characters- or at least characters who can have a 'public' persona#its fun thinking about what they have to do mentally to present themselves in public versus when they can 'be themselves'#like aoki's 'intro' scene where he's pleasant to his secretary and then a second later is conniving with ogasawara... peak i fear#OR THEEEE CAR PARK ONE i love that scene so much ...#very fun.. aoki being a politician just makes it infinitely funnier like guys we gotta bully the governor#plus i live and breathe by a glass analysis/comparison a twitter mutual of mine did ... i love glass imagery .......#uhhhh is that all ... idk prob im literally sweating my skin off i cant think right. my clothes are sticking to my skin i hate summer#i dont hate summer im so sorry i didnt mean it .... summer is beautiful .. i just wish this heat wasnt murdering me
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wait waht weirdos?? also could we know your boundaries regarding your ocs? they’re really cool but it would be nice to know what is allowed and what isnt for making a character for this au. thanks 🤍🤍
Fortunately, there hasn't been any weird people in my inbox but some shit happened and i'd rather not elaborate bc it's not in my place to tell you about it, but for context, the gist of it was people were fighting over this person's oc and the creator and other people are getting harrased for it.
Another mutual of mine told me that they also had unpleasant experiences with an old blog of theirs, and they had to delete it bc of it.
I just don't want any infighting or harassment getting sent to other people over something that's honestly not that serious.
People design and create characters because it's fun. Why ruin it for everyone else?
Just please keep it all lighthearted and don't make it weird. Constantly check yourself and ask if what you're doing is ok or think about how your actions affect other people.
Reality checks are also important. Please keep in mind that these are just fictional characters in a fictional universe that i just made up. None of this shit is real.
ok so i'll establish the boundaries for my ocs:
Fanart is ok, sfw and nsfw. Thirsts in my inbox, tags, and comments are fine too, they're pretty funny actually AHSVA it's like wow is this what it feels like having bitches? LMAWDOAD but i digress.
I'm still unsure about ship art, because it'll inevitably get messy if i start allowing it. So for now, it's not allowed. I would be the only person that can draw my ocs interacting with your ocs/sonas/etc. Just think of it as like some sort of weird rp chatbot askblog or some shit,, i dont know.
I know it may seem hypocritical of me because i literally have a self insert but its just better to prevent potential shit from happening than finding a solution for it.
If ship art not being allowed somehow upsets you, then that's a sign that you're not welcome here.
My sona is a different story though, because it's basically just a representation of me so you can draw her ( or me??? idk lol) with your character. same thing, sfw and nsfw are okay. Thrists are fine (who would even do that anyway 💀💀) like i doubt anyone would start causing problems from me interacting with other ppl bc im a real person???????? idk??????? 😭ive alr drawn stuff with my mutuals too anyway so
#sorry for the huge rant it just sucks that the ppl had to go through something like that and its just yknow#its just super petty and immature to get so irrationally angry about something as small as this to the point#where it starts affecting real people#if anything gets out of hand i will not hesitate to archive everything about this au and pretend like nothing ever happened in this blog#ik it seems drastic but the stress isnt worth it i have other shit to deal with anyway#i should probably add this in the faq too#the stuff about making a character will be answered in another ask#franswers
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this is gonna sound so backhanded but after 3 letdowns in a row from pokemon (followed by a game which isnt terrible but i dislike because of how much it fucked up the plot of sm), then a game that i genuinely really love and want more in the style of and largely because of how it deviates from the main series, im genuinely so shocked that i love scarlet and violet as much as i do. like when i was going through that tutorial i was just cautious and waiting for the other show to drop and be bored at best, but like, graphic glitches aside, it never came. it stayed really fun and charming
#like is it acceptable that it came out so glitchy when its a $60 console release? absolutely not#i think the game has a lot of issues and i dont blame people for not being happy with it#but i think what makes this better than swsh to me is like. swsh sorta feels like it was made out of obligation sometimes#like. tpci and gamefreak treated galar like a kid would treat an art project in a medium they werent interested in#but they were being harassed for that good grade so they powered through and hated the result#and sorta just tried to hide it when they got home from school that day#not that there isn’t anything to like about galar or it has no substance whatsoever but when i played it i couldnt shake the feeling#that gamefreak was embarassed of it. like they did not want to linger too much on this game#i think the anime switching format was a good idea in the end cause just putting ash in another gauntlet after he won the alola league would#would have been weird but its veryyyy telling to me that they changed the format so drastically#that we didnt even spend all our time in galar. their home base wasnt even in galar#and in the game they emphasize that kantos got better pokemon and everyone loves them better and theres not a whole lot to do#and there was always just this feeling of insecurity and dissatisfaction with it#and for all its faults- i cant say the same thing about scvi. this game oozes with charm and care#the writing feels like someone genuinely cared about these characters and wanted the best for them and the story#the gameplay feels more involved and confident. they got more experimental with the format#idk it feels like people LIKED working on this game to a degree and wanted the player to have fun#echoed voice
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thiswas the biggest downgrade in history i dont care that its been said a million times its been said a million times becauese its true
#its not even that i think the doll on the right is bad or anything its the fact that they decided to make that her default design#in the movies and webisodes and stuff and had all her dolls after that have that same hair#like the original was soo cute .#and the newer design isnt BAD i do find it cute too and wouldnt have an issue with it if it was used on a separate character#or she only looked like that for one doll or movie or whatever#(like how some of the other characters will have a wildly differnet hair color/cut for 1 doll and then go back to normal after )#but the original was just better. and the redesign takes away a lot of what was unique about her design#(especially her hair . sucks that shes one of the only characters wiht that sort of hair texture and they permanently straightened it)#honestly considering its kind of emphasized a lot that howleen is one of the youngest characters in the cast#and is still finding herself and her style#her look being changed drastically from doll to doll would fit her character pretty well actually#but they only really changed it once. and then kept it like that even though the original was better . SAD !#also lol werewolf character havibg a pet hedgehog. insert unleashed joke
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Okay. Let's talk about Kay in The Forgotten Turnabout.
I've mentioned in a post before how I think Kay doesn't have a purpose in AAI2 (as in, AAI was all about the Yatagarasu which is her story, but AAI2 generally has nothing to do with her, and you can see this change just by looking at how she's positioned in the promotional material for the two games:
[left AAI; right AAI2.] In the left poster, while she's at Edgeworth's back, it's clear that they're both the main focus. In the right, though, she's on par with Gumshoe).
And I think the result of her slight lack of direction in the game culminates in what happens to her and her character in Forgotten.
From the beginning of AAI2, you can kind of tell that Kay was written to a bit different from how she was in AAI. She's still fairly consistent with how she was there, but the game kind of bounces between her original characterisation and her newer one, where she's slightly denser (see her calling the laser pointer a mole in Target, when she should definitely have known what it was; and them explaining to her what a prison is in Imprisoned like she wouldn't know??) and less concerned with maintaining formality around Edgeworth, although they haven't interacted since the end of AAI (see her partner opening line changing from "Yes?" to "Yeah, what's up?"). She also seems more eager for his approval (there are a few times when she questions/asserts her effectiveness as an assistant when I don't remember her ever doing that in AAI), and, overall just a little more like Maya.
In Imprisoned, when she freaks out, Kay hits Ray, which is notable because we've only seen her resort to violence before on purpose and as a child (whereas Mia/Maya have both hit people out of emotion). I'm not going to go through the whole game, but I bring it up because there's an argument to be made that they're trying to replicate the Phoenix-Maya dynamic and push the Dadworth interpretation in AAI2 -- probably because they realised it'd be popular with the fans -- and this comes to the forefront in Forgotten.
First, just a note about AA's amnesia cases. The thing about these cases is that they're usually done to explore some formerly unseen aspect of a character (as is with Phoenix and the one in DGS), BUT they're always true to the nature of the character (as is most clearly observed with Thalassa). This is... not so in Forgotten.
The parts about Kay that appear to remain in Forgotten are her politeness and sense of honour, both of which get dialed up to 11 and both of which we already know she possess. Everything else about her personality, though, is altered and has always reminded me of Iris (if you made a parody of Iris's soft and seemingly delicate nature). That's mostly because (1) they have similar sprites
and (2) because they're rehashing Edgeworth's mini arc in T&T (which I don't mind because T&T did leave room for that concept to be explored further) where he acts as the defence for, you guessed it, Iris. Looking at it more closely, though, I can definitely see bits of Maya mixed in, too.
The most obvious parallel to Maya, and by extension Phoenix, here is that you act as a... not-prosecutor who defends their assistant from murder charges that even they think they might be guilty of (Reunion, and Turnabout, anyone?). Just like Reunion Maya, Forgotten Kay has poor self-esteem (albeit to a greater, comedic degree), thinks of herself as weak and useless, and becomes reliant on Edgeworth for both her emotional and situational needs (this is not a dig at Maya; she was in jail after having her first big channeling session result in death. Her reaction was natural).
Another less serious but obvious alteration made to make Kay seem more like Maya here is her relationship with food -- which I know sounds ridiculous but!! It's really what tipped me off to her Maya-fication to begin with!!!
You see, in Forgotten, there's a point where Kay talks about hamburgers:
Kay: Umm... OK. I remember a faint scent... It was a wonderful smell coming from the counter of a food stall... I followed the fragrance, only to find a perfectly sculpted burger, resting on two golden buns... The tender and juicy patty made my taste buds sing with joy... Yes, I can remember what I thought at that moment! ...I want seconds!
The thing about this that stands out to me is that you never get a line about food like this from Kay in AAI; and I know this, because not only is the only time Kay ever brings up food in AAI with regards to Swiss rolls (which are notably her favourite treats), you have the option of presenting food to her, which gives you this dialogue:
Kay: It's a box of Samurai Dogs, right? Ah, but see, I'm a Jammin' Ninja fan! So, while I would love to have one... I'm going to be strong and resist the urge!
She would have one but she'll refrain. It blatantly goes against how she acts in Forgotten, and it's so obvious that they only did that to make her more like Maya!!! They even use burgers!!!!
So why am I even getting all uppity about this? There's nothing wrong with being like Maya is there? She's a great character. And, yeah, she is, but the point of Kay is that she's meant to be a foil to Maya... and Edgeworth.
Both Maya and Edgeworth lost their parents at a very young age. So did Kay. But, unlike Maya and Edgeworth, Kay was specifically written to have had the emotional support and strength she needed to move on from her father's death. Her character was created in a way that shows how you can still love and respect a dead family member (and choose to continue their legacy) without being held back by grief and trauma the way Edgeworth largely is. By making amnesiac Kay behave in a way that is so self-deprecating and reliant on other people for her emotional needs, you are implying that this has been who she is deep inside all along and diluting that message of being able to move forwards while still holding onto your love for the people you've lost. It undermines the resilience that has been a part of Kay's core as a character from her conception, and basically flattens everything that makes her... Kay.
Now, this is obviously not great, but what really gets to me about this is that they didn't need to do this for the case to still work. They could have given Kay a milder form of amnesia, where she has a gap in her memory regarding why she was up on that roof and what happened, and the story would have largely functioned the same way. The only reason I can think of for why they do a complete 180 on her personality is because they wanted to use her to develop Edgeworth's character.
Because think about it: we've seen Kay put in a position where she's been accused of murder before, and that didn't affect our or Edgeworth's desire to save her. That drama and the feelings invoked by placing Kay at such risk would still exist; the only thing that would change is Kay's reaction to it. We know from Ablaze that she wouldn't just fold and rely on Edgeworth's help; she would fight back. Her behaviour in Forgotten just doesn't quite align with her usual character (aside from being extremely honourable and polite), which makes me wonder why they did it. And the only answer I can find is that it gives Edgeworth someone to 'save' in the greatest sense of that word (because, remember, she's also extremely emotionally vulnerable and dependent on him here) and furthers his development as a character.
You remember at the beginning when I said Kay didn't have a purpose in this game? I think the developers felt that, too, and they decided that her purpose would be to make Edgeworth a better person and strengthen his arc by giving him someone to protect, without really considering what this would do to her character. This case was never about Kay; it was always about Edgeworth. And, honestly, that should have been obvious from the very moment you realise that Kay is being granted an amnesia plotline, because that whole thing about amnesia in AA being used to reveal parts of a character previously unseen? Yeah, that was never going to work with Kay. Because Kay doesn't wear a mask. She is who she is... until she isn't.
Honestly, I've said pretty much everything I wanted to say about Forgotten and Kay, so thank you if you've read this far. I really appreciate it 💝💖💕 The rest of this is me basically talking about how this change affects my feelings on the game and this interpretation of the Kay-Edgeworth dynamic, so you can stop reading now if that doesn't interest you and still get the basic point of this post.
I suppose I'll start by reiterating that I do like AAI2 despite what it may seem. The characters it introduces are some of my favourites in the franchise, and, in fact, the actual plot of Forgotten with the PIC is my favourite part of the entire game. I thought it was brilliant, but I just needed to get this out because... I don't know, it was bothering me for some reason hskdhdj Like, AA has some amazing female characters, but I know better than to go into it expecting some kind of boundary-pushing piece of new feminist media, believe me; it doesn't surprise me that they used Kay to push Edgeworth's character forwards. It is his game, after all. But I guess it's just a little frustrating to see after they genuinely achieved something great with her characterisation in AAI only to... there's no less inflammatory way to put it, infantilise her? a little? for the sake of developing a male character?
(Especially when I don't think Edgeworth even needed it?? Like, I'm pretty sure he would have been just as adamant about saving her if she had been her normal self so mmm???? It was likely just done to make him seem liked he'd be a good father and up his popularity a bit more, honestly. As if he needed it).
Again, I have no issues with anyone who enjoys the father-daughter (or brother-sister) dynamics pushed by this case; it's literally in the text, I can't say you're wrong for it and like. My opinion shouldn't matter to you anyway! It's fandom, do what makes you happy. But I personally can't get past what is actually being suggested when the game, or fanworks, echo the traits grafted onto Kay in this case within them. Like what it means when she's essentially made to take a few steps back so she's less as at peace with her father's death than she was when we first met her, or less independent and self-assured than she usually is -- especially when this is done only for an older male character (most likely Edgeworth but it could be anyone) to come in and either see themselves in her, thus coming to a conclusion that helps them better themselves in some way, or take on a "fatherly" position that lets them comfort her back to a level of confidence she would usually be at anyway, while simultaneously coming across as being such a good person (which is usually the focus/point of these kinds of things).
And, like, if you don't see a problem with Kay's characterisation in this version of their relationship, that's perfectly fine! If you think I'm reaching and do enjoy the Dadworth dynamic for what it is, then please don't let me rain on your parade. My main thing is that I want better for Kay, and this case just didn't satisfy my need for that.
Anyway, yeah! That's pretty much it. Thank you so much for everyone who read all of this, and I hope you got some amusement out of it if nothing else. Feel free to tell me your thoughts, too!
#ace attorney#kay faraday#ace attoney investigations 2#aai2#i didnt put many concrete details about the case here so i think people who havent played it yet wont get spoiled? but ofc i encourage#everyone to play it and form your own opinions. this is just in case youre wondering what my new EMBARRASSINGLY long post is about and want#to read it blind hskdhdks#i didnt put this in the post but another thing that's funny about this case is how they minimise its effect by pushing the nick-maya#similarities right from the start of the game. like you'd expect this case to have drastic long lasting implications on their relationship#but because they're already shown to be closer at the start and because marrying amnesia kay's character to normal kay's is so mindboggling#(they are honestly just two completely different characters) it doesnt really change anything between her and edgeworth?? it's quite funny#because she literally just says 'thanks! :D👍' and then they never bring it up again. it's so. it feels like they tried to have their cake#and eat it too and they somehow blew up the oven
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Gonna take a break from Tumblr for a while, I think. My mental health has been plummetting, and I need time to get back on my feet.
Though a large part of it is definitely the on-going genocide, my eyes are still on Palestine. If I reblog anything in the next few days, it'll more than likely be either personal stream stuff (huge maybe on that) or Palestine news.
I'm okay, I'm not going to do anything drastic, I just need to take a step back and take a breath. If anyone needs me, DMs are good, or if you can reach me on Discord that would be better.
See ya when I see ya. Eid muburak.
-Dimonds
#a lot of this is just activism burnout#my friend reminded me it exists earlier today and i think its finally catching up to me#its not just palestine- ive been fighting for something far more personal since September last year too#its really finally starting to get me#im frustrated i cant do more and im tired and my mental health is only getting worse with guilt i cant control#its just a lot. i need to get my head on straight.#like i said im not going to do anything drastic and im still very much online- just not tumblr#idk when i'll be back but it shouldnt be too long i think#uh. yeah.#cya#dimond speaks
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Off my meds and feeling better so am I feeling better because Im off my meds or because Im manic?
Let’s discuss with the 3 hours of sleep I got 28 hours ago…
#its 6am and Im in bed not even tired#🙃🙃🙃#i did all my house work and applied to 4 jobs and actually wrote cover letters#letting the mania win for now#im too poor to do anything drastic so thats likely keeping me in check#not turtles
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I clicked on a blood tag once and now tumblr is sending me therapy bots
#the first message litterally popped up seconds after i clicked the tag#no tumblr im fine#mostly....#🤣#too many responsibilities to ever do anything drastic#shaving all my hair off isnt off the table though 🙃🫠#its already halfway there lmfao
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That fic you mentioned in the tag game.... Shidou?
What else would you like to say about it?
haha yeahhh you guessed it :D it probably wasnt that hard honestly im a little predictable when it comes to it pff
currently its mostly a collection of my "haha what if he was guilty in t1" thoughts, since a graph i saw showed he was pretty consistently in the red till....mahiru's trial start iirc! so a guilty vote was verrry much on the table... It's interesting to expand on his t1 mindset in place of my typical expanding on his t2 mindset imo! What with his. uh. everything
#sand speaks#friend shenanigans#so far its going the train of thought of how hed act; mainly that unlike the other two injured i dont think he'd change that drastically#after all he did ask for it. he might not like being injured and in pain but he asked for the vote#if anything he might implore es to keep going with it; theyve made the right choice. they shouldnt pity him#though depending on how much he knows of the other guilty...could explore if he thinks this same pain should be applied to others#maybe hed specifically ask es to stop kotoko instead of to keep him alive for now like he does in t2#since he has no proof that he can help;only speculation. he'd probaably try to help in spite of restraints/injuries anyway though looka t h#ok thats too much again. bywbye. runs awau
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...
#head instructor to the TAs in the lab section i TA for: how r u guys feeling abt the workload?#me who hasnt graded anything since week 1 and spent an hr that morning filling out a patient safety plan: 🙃#listen. we r experiencing symptoms that make us shitty at our job. which is not helpful for a positive outlook#i was also experiencing horrible cramps at the time bc i lost my ibuprofen and 2 days ago i stopped the birth control in a desperate effort#to stop feeling terrible. but in this moment i feel alright. its wild to go from drastically unhappy to like lol wtf was that? anyway stop#being a bby loser. for no obvious reason. im gonna start the birth control again to see if i get depressed again or if that was just me lol#i dont think my therapist understands the depth of my executive functioning issues tho. bc im a grad student and can meet deadlines. like#let me tell u im a fucking disaster abt starting things. i will go back and forth and get nothing done forever. or i do things halfway and#make everything 30 times more difficult later bc no one else understands how my brain works#ah well. itll b fine. sometimes i just get freaked out that i wanna b better and i dont kno how to do that. so i spiral in despair a lil#ill b fine. im good at catching myself before i get too out of control. annoyingly tho i am not currently beating the bip0lar allagations#bc whatever tf is wrong with me i do probably fit the diagnostic criteria for bip0lar 2. i dont kno y that freaks me out so much. i guess#its bc it feels like something i cant just make better thru force of will and i grew up in a home that was very obsessively#health conscious to the point my dad gets anxious abt taking a single ibuprofen. so like ive been conditioned to get freaked out by#medication. literally my grandma will call me and tell me to b suspicious of doctors and to not take medicine unless absolutely necessary.#like lady u r the genetic reason i have 0cd shut the fuck up. also it feels like something that would more negatively affect how ppl think#of u than saying oh yea i get depressed or i have anxiety. like the connotation feels worse im used to just telling ppl whatever tf#my problem is. so the idea of holding something back feels weird. which annoys me bc i dont think there should b so much of a stigma. its#bullshit. anyway idk. im tired. i was trying to think of a comfort tv show with my therapist and all i could think was the terror#when im depressed i wanna watch those English mother fuckers suffer and die. i just lov that show so much. harry g00dsir my beloved. the#most me coded character to ever exist#unrelated
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.
#i want to just scream into the void and not have anyone know but i dont have anywhere for that but here#please ignore this#is it wrong and bad that i almsot dislike that i started talking to him? like fuck i did it again.#im too damn attached and i hate whej i get like this.#now when i feel like shit and want to kill myself my brain is just like yeah but what about ******#well maybe brain if you werent an absolute bastard you wouldnt be making me feel like complete shit#and the thing is is i know nothing is ever gonna come of this but im just holding on to hope by a god damn thread#i like him and care about him#god fucking damn I hate my stupid fucking brain and its stupid fucking thoughts. theres never any good or helpful ones#always just makes me feel like shit#but i dont wanna do anything drastic because i like ******
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i’m sorry VOTER FRAUD?
IN MY VEGGIETALES?
it’s more likely than you’d think...
#veggietales#ryan watches vt#he literally shows up out of nowhere hears 'happy place' and says 'I WILL BECOME GRAND MARSHALL OF HAPPINESS PARADE' and immediately#like no hesitation nobody saying anything is like 'I WILL STUFF THE BALLOT BOX and BE ELECTED'#now's probably the time to admit that I don't recognize any Larry-Boy or League stuff after Bad Apple as canon#and even then I didn't really like Bad Apple#I tried watching League but was way too old for it by then and had hit my limit#like I love rewatching classic VT because it's not just nostalgia it felt legitimately fun for adults#read phil's book it's great#but also like... past a certain point VT became 'oh yeah its cute and kinda funny still'#and this new show so far really doesn't have clever laugh out loud enjoyable for adults too moments#not like they used to have#they feel so... sanitized#and there's something weird about complaining like that#but it's not really complaining as it is just... noting how drastically different 90s kid media and 2010s kid media and 2020 kids media is#from 'family fun' meaning adults could get a chuckle and like it too#to 'family fun' means its 'Wholesome'(tm) Christian Media (tm) and if there's even a reference to an old TV show kids haven't watched#its a big Ordeal like#idk there's a whole lot to say there#and I probably should watch more eps before I say anything more#at the end of all these liveblogs I may give a wider explanation of my thoughts on the new series from a view of like...#a long time fan since childhood who HAS returned several times to the show and fandom into his adulthood
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love every youtuber being like "now i would neeeeeeever try and diagnose someone i don't know. but yknow they sure do exhibit a lotta symptoms of npd. but again im not a doctor im just saying teehee💁♂️" as if just. saying "now i know speculating on public figures' mental illnesses and demonizing cluster bs is bad" beforehand suddenly makes what they say afterwards not be Literally Exactly That
#origibberish#yall know i love hbomberguy but he does do this a bit too#not with cluster bs or anything that drastic but with the 'making fun of people for misspeaking' thing#like just bc you dont say 'haha they talked bad' doesnt mean its not obvious thats the point of a section where all they did was misspeak#but again thats a super minor thing and i do indeed also dunk on people for funny verbal typos so i hope this doesnt come across#as me getting up on a high horse or anything kabfkshfkdb#its just a thing ive noticed bc im insane KWNFKSNDKSNFKDMFMD
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