#its my fault hes gone
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im having thoughts of killing myself again...
maybe its the drugs and alcohol
its also because i want to be with Tyrone. The first person I have ever loved in my whole life
#i just wish i had a b*****#my problem-solving skills have gone to shit#ive failed#idk where i can get the stuff from#while being discrete about it#becoming a cop would have given me access#i wanna quit soooooo bad#its my fault hes gone#Tyrone#its all my fault#why are we so isolated in the lgbt community#i could have CRAVED his essence#honestly been his foreverrrrrrrrrrrrr#ofc i dont k#know that but#i just wish i could have done something different#to save him#i wish i never got tired of being a savior#i would have saved him for fucking sure#i laid down to rest and the next thing i know is he is gone#ffs#i could have LIVED with him and his wife#idk#if he WAS bisexual and still into me#i WOULD have made it work#it would not have been difficult#we could have worked together#lived together#raised kids together#but that was his life...
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I'm sorry but James Vowles criticising how Red Bull has treated their drivers in the past, only to go and then treat Logan far worse while pulling the exact same shit Red Bull did, ie the exact behaviour he criticised and called them out for, is so freaking infuriating like the sheer hypocrisy -
#f1#formula 1#formula one#james vowles#logan sargeant#best of luck to logan in the future & to franco#but james its on sight#rooting for franco because he's being thrown straight into the deep end#like Singapore of all races will be his third f1 race#and as i said when it was announced daniel was leaving mclaren & oscar was getting the seat#it's never the drivers at fault for a teams shitty behaviour towards a driver#the hypocrisy from james is just leaving a very bad taste in my mouth#edit: also infuriating that of the latest batch of rookies oscar & yuki are the last ones standing#zhou currently has no confirmed seat#they're the only rookies of the past 4 years left#mick has no seat#nicolas latifi has gone back to business school which good for you nicky i hope you're doing well#sorry but i went back to university in 2023 too so i feel a kinship with him lmao#less said about that nameless haas driver the better#nyck is the endurance championship now i think#i dont think I'm missing anybody
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:))) gone girl au
#markwardo#my art#its GONE GIRL AU#I don't know what else to say#the social network#Listen it's all David fincher fault!!!#Also it would be so funny because Eduardo doesn't even need to try frame mark#Everyone would be like of course he killed him!!#Look at his dead fish eyes!!#Sean would be the only one suspicious about this haha#tsn
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I wanna highlight how good the acting was in the scene between Dorian and his dad. Robbie is so good. The frustration, the disappointment. All the conflicted feelings of familial neglect was so well done.
The whole 10 second pause his dad gave and he turns from pleading for his father to understand to anger that his father still can't answer that basic question of "do you believe in me?"
#critical role#cr spoilers#cr3#video#dorian#ignore the green bar idk why my computer does that#the fact that everyone else was so quiet you could hear a pin drop#i also love the “he is gone and i am sorry. it was not my fault it was his choice”#because its not a 'sorry for your loss'#that is a 'sorry i am the only one left'
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So the thing about Gabe to me is that he doesn’t quite fit in the categorically of Angel Who Is Eventually Humanized the way that Castiel or Anna do. He is more down to earth than the other angels but specifically in the way that GODS are, not humans. Like, even if he's not literally Loki, Gabriel is functionally an earthen deity for the millenia he spent dicking around and killing people. Other gods are literally the crowd he runs in, and he's an asshole because gods are assholes (and he specifically decided to be one of the more extreme asshole gods). Even though his sensibilities can be very human-like, even if he generally likes humans and wants them to stick around, there was always some level of divinity to his cruelty. So even if he did ultimately choose humanity I feel like putting him in with the angels who actually know what it's like to be human misses this part of his character.
#arguing with no one i simply felt inspired to type up my thoughts on this#like. this guy didnt even know any humans before the winchesters and he tortured them before they got on remotely friendly terms#this is why s13 fucks him up because he loses that divinity when he's tortured and excised from the pagan community by loki#so its only angelic divinity that he has to hold onto but even he has to face up to the fact that the angel route is a lost cause for him#(not that it definitely wouldnt have worked out but thats just where he is emotionally and it Probably would have gone wrong somehow)#not that that wouldve been gabe's fault heaven is just fucked to the core#gabriel learning to be human is an arc that he never had and im sad about that bc i think it wouldve been an interesting one#which is the reason im a fic where he loses his grace at the end of s13 instead of jack#supernatural#gabriel spn
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Do you ever think about the fact that the ONE time Sanji let himself be comfortable and enjoy dresses and makeup with cigarettes, Ace died and Luffy almost died all alone and so far away. Will Sanji ever forgive himself for daring to relax and explore himself a bit while catastrophic things were happening? (Jk he'll never do so again, just in case)
#will he ever stop feeling like its his fault#it obviously wasn't but the feeling of guilt#and the feeling that the one time he explored himself it led to this#and the association#and he can never let himself be so weak again (thank you Judge for this nonsense)#add in the fact that Ace might've been his awakening#and they did get along quite well and he had a crush on Ace#it would be DEVASTATING#losing Ace#not even mentioning what Luffy must have gone through#the guilt of not being there with his captain of being split away from Saboady even#i love transfem sanji#but crossdressing sanji too my beloved#mayhaps the egg was beginning to crack but trauma closed it shut#and he spent two years not dealing with it well apart from gettung stronger and finding ways to help his crew get stronger#sanji#one piece#one piece headcanons#black leg sanji#blackleg sanji#portgas d ace#acesan#just a bit
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@marsalta YOU'RE TO BLAME FOR THIS! .... Damn shitposting apparently now.
#tsp#tsp narrator#the stanley parable#narrator tsp#stanley parable ultra deluxe#the stanley parable narrator#tspud#Wilbur is original now so he doesnt count#Mars I love you but why.. Its 2am#I should be asleep#I can't just start shitposting like this#shitpost#I think whatever sanity is left is gone#not my fault
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DISTRACTIONS sometimes its the drive to help and save our friends that pushes us to learn and to succeed. unfortunately its normally ''unethical'' to replicate that in a classroom setting. I ONLY JUST FINISHED THE LAST PAGE HERE, THE FIRST TWO WERE LITERALLY FROM LAST YEAR, N A FEW MONTHS APART. LOOOOK AT MY EVOLUTION. im very proud of this and bled REALLY HARD FOR THE LAST PAGE. PLEASE ABSORB THIS.
#gillion tidestrider#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#the last page honestly just took super long bc i dropped it for a long while. only recently wiped the dust off o it.#IM RLY PROUD OF ALOT O THINGS ABT THAT LAST PAGE#LIKE THE PERSPECTIVE N THE WIDE SHOTS OR WHATEVER#IT WASNT EASY BUT I MADE IT LOOK GOOD!! IM SO HAPPY WITH IT#I ALSO just really love drawing gillion as soooo small#just a little guy with the weight of the world bolted to his tiny tiny shoulders#n yknow what while im here ill talk abt the first two comics aswell. i like taking inspo from JTHM for this kinda stuff#more specifically SQUEE n the way his dad was just sooo honest and cruel to him. 'yeah its your fault my life sucks' n all that. i imagine#that gillion prolly dealt with alot o that too. i know weve already seen the elders#but i did initially imagine them to be very much like the Tallests from invader zim. they just hate this little guy. hes so small n lame#hes prolly had teachers like that im sure. i like thinkin about gills experience in school!!#i fell in love with him the moment he said that he wasnt good at being a student like girl ME TOOOO WAAAAAA#HE SUCKS In school and everyone is just sooo tired of him but they gotta put up with him bc hes the Chosen One#but GOD they wish they had someone more competent i bet. it was prolly a relief when they banished him#could u imagine being that? someone so insufferable that people sigh in relief when youre gone. poor poor gillion#ANYWAY THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS#TALK ABT UR THOUGHTS IN THE TAGS TOO DIPSHIIITT CMAAAHHNN
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2024 Chinese Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso
#hello here are your daily old man gifs!!!#every time im like no no i shant gif this no one will care#he always sucks me back in w his cute face#i just love his polite listening smile ITS SO CUTEEEE#this is MY race debrief#anyways about the race itself#im still a bit sad about the whole strat thing like agh idk if he could have done any better if not#but it was really so much fun to see him cut thru the pack like that at the end with fresh tires#it just felt so effortless and it was so hot. especially that part where he almost completely wiped out but saved it so easily???#but ofc the best part was the unintentional war criminal lockup#apparently it wasnt fully his fault but nah im blaming it on him cause its so funny#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#we do a little bit of f1#2024 chinese gp#also man aston takes so long to upload their fernando debrief vid#i wanna stay up for it cause i missed the other one and it was too far gone to gif#so i wish i could catch it but ah i gotta sleep its so late
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originnssssss who remembers origins i Loved origins
#origins smp#i heard theres been like three failed origins revivals WHAT EVEN HAPPENED i was only there for the first one😅#beeduo#otubbo#oranboo#beeduo fanart#i rewatched some origins streams a little while ago oh my god theyre SO FUNNY#DUDE DOES ANUONE REMMEBER THAT ONE STREAM I COUDLNT FIND RHIS ONE STREAM#IR WAS LIKE THE ONE WHERE TUBBO WAS SINGING SUGAR BY MAROON FIVE and they were being really Funny thay shit h#ad me CRYING in 2021 Please i swear this happened imnot crazy but also they might have been separate streams actuallu i dont rememebr its#been wayyyyyyy too long#BUT IT HAPPENED I PROMISE Sorry i've been gone for a while ive been very busy lots of Things going on went to Six flags then jad a surprise#bday party then i had to buy shoes for prom then Go to prom and also i do figure skating and am out like every day idknt have Time im sorry☹#had a crepe yesterday it was sooooo goood im like learning to drive too that shit is boring as hell my dad kept gettign 😑 bc i couldn't stop#yawning DRIVING IS SO BORING its not my fault😭😭😭😭#ok what else ohhhh. y god i locked in SO HARD for this physics essay u guys dont even knowim getting ONE HUNDRED on that trust i just really#wanted to share ok i love you bge#WAIT ACTUALLT SORRU IM LIKE REMMEBERJNG THE ORIGINS STREAMS K WAYCHED#RANBOO WAS SO FUCKING FUNNT IN THOSE STREAMS TOO LIKE I REMEMBER NIKI WANTED TO SEE THEIR BASE and tubbo was like ooh maybe we can put like#water down here for you niki we need a water system and ranwas like Do we though?I WAD WAYCHING THAT .LIKE DAMMMNNNNNN OM LIKE GIGGLING WRIT#ING THIS RIGHT NOW I CAN HEARTHE CLIP HE DID NOTTT WANT HER IJNTHEIR BASE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#I NEED TO FIDN THAT STREAM WHERE IRS LIKE TOMMY AND JACK A D FHEHRE LOKE TALKING ABOUT DUOS AND THEN JACK SAYS THE MOST OUT OF POCKET SHIT I#VE EVER HEARD LKKE I LITERALLU HAD TK PAUSE. H PHONE AND BURST OUR LAUHJIMG MY JAW WAS ON THE FLOORRRRR DO U GUYS R EME ER WTF IM TLAKING AB#OUT IDK HOW TO FIND THESE STREAMS Oh my god u really Had to be there early 2021 that was liye the funniest era of mt life i wlild be#Tearing up from lauhjimg every day I MISS WAYCHING STREAMS LIVE CHAT WAS SO FUNNY I wishe it was archivedI WISH MORE STREAMERS KEPT CHAT ON#SCREEN i defiently understand why most didn't like Wyd when chats annouing ad hell but also Me 3 years later is interested in what the pub#lic had to say.... ok Now bye
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this was going to be like a mile long essay but i just realized the most concise way to say it is that "it feels like a retcon that blitz has been so resentful and hostile towards fizz all this time since he was supposed to feel guilty" is simply not a good criticism when we have been shown, time and time again, that blitz's number one defense mechanism when he feels guilty or judged or attacked is to lash out, to deflect and ignore all his responsibility, and to shift the blame to someone else. that's like. his defining character flaw
#- and that's WHY it was such a major THING for his arc!! that he apologized to fizz and accepted responsibility for what he did!!!#like. the fact that he said; EXPLICITLY; the words 'you're right; it was all my fault; i should have done better; i am so sorry' IS#SO BIG!!!! LIKE THAT IS SUCH A HUGE THING FOR HIM!!!!!#mine#helluva boss#blitzo helluva boss#helluva boss blitzo#blitz#e: oops#analysis#also its entirely reasonable that blitz would have gone spiraling down the thought process that maybe fizz always hated him if he could#blame him so easily when fizz was probably the one blitz was MOST counting on to hear him out#and the fact that fizz went on and got SUPER famous and successful after he was no longer performing with blitz - who i'm SURE had#only been given more and more shit for not being as good as fizz as they got older (by his dad and by himself) - he probably assumed fizz#blamed him for that too - holding fizz back with his own poor performance#which is why his insults towards fizz had always been 'overrated sellout' and insisting he slept his way to the top with ozzie.#he'd tear down fizz's quality as a performer because BLITZ feels insecure about his OWN quality as a performer#these tags have gotten so fucking long but that's the gist of the essay i was gonna write about this fjfdjjfghf#MEDIA ANALYSIS IS MY PASSION
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#over a month now since my baby boy left me.#genuinely feel sick with how much i miss him all the time everywhere#it feels like its been 15 years and also only half an hour since then#finally got the locket to put some of his fur in so he'll always be with me. which.#made me feel better for approximately 4.2 minutes and then we were back to bottomless endless grief#I miss him and miss him and miss him and miss him and miss him all day every day every second of every minute#his absence is so loud#and i feel so fucking guilty so incredibly fucking at fault its killing me because i should have noticed soon i should have paid more#fucking attention#hes gone and its my fault. my fault my sweet darling angel who only ever loved me is gone#my baby boy deserved so much better#and all i can do is cry about it it doesnt change anything it doesnt make anything better it doesnt bring him back#anyway. i wish I was dead haha#u know the apiel ignore me i just needed to type this out ect and so on#bb baby#txt.me
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never forget El isn't just touchy feely as a random personality trait, she's spent most of her developmentally critical years horribly starved of touch and warmth and love :)
and every moment of physical comfort she receives is precious to her as an antidote to some specific moment in her past when she suffered the lack of it :) and you can also see the shadow of her traumas in the ways she thinks to give physical comfort :)
and also don't forget that her trauma didn't end with the lab :) when we first meet her her traumas are drawn from lab days but by later seasons it's clear some of the traumas guiding her behavior are just... the show :) such as the crushing pressure of everyone counting on her to find Will :)
and if I spend more than 2 seconds thinking about what any simple little moment of closeness/physical affection/comfort must mean to El I will start sobbing and never stop :)
#eleven#lab feels#the max ones are heavily relevant to my fic#el is fairly into touching peoples heads during hugs in general#but her comforting max involves a lot of head stroking and i'm thinking it's because that's an old self soothing habit :(#also I realize 'its okay' is an extremely standard thing to say to a distressed person but#what if she says that to max because she remembers joyce saying it to her in the void and it making her feel better#and what do you wanna bet she held onto max's hand like that because she remembers going into the void to find will#and knowing she's his only hope and his fate is completely on her shoulders and all these people are counting on her#and then feeling will's hand dissolve in hers. and not knowing where he went or how to help him#and now she's gone in to find max and it's the same thing all over again and she's max's only hope#only this time it isn't some kid it's her best friend and the person she probably loves most in the world. and who trusts her to save her#do you know how terrified she is that max is gonna turn into smoke too. and disappear to somewhere el can't find her or help her#do you know how terrified she is that she's going to fail her#do you get what unfathomable trauma it is that she did fail her (it wasn't her fault but with her hero complex she'll feel like it is)#i will be adding to this gifset in season 5 when max wakes up#im fine (im not)#angst#mine#bestof
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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okay um ik it literally doesnt mean shit coming from me but to the encore guys im genuinely really sorry for this whole thing idk why you guys got banned (esp cole. who literally wasnt online or part of the argument) and it was like actually kind of fucked that you were after everything was figured out and everyone was calmed down
#i feel like im kind of part of it bc i never. clarified. that i was cool with the channel and jokes and stuff. so thats my fault sorry#for the rest of it im going to be honest#you guys couldve gone about your concerns better and youve already admitted that so i dont want you to think like#i hate you for it or anything#because i dont you guys are so cool#but also i do agree that offbrand and jack couldve handled it better#offbrand left for mental health reasons during all that so he didnt just like leave. bc they didnt wanna deal with it. you know#i get why everyones so upset about all this but i want to remind everyone that offbrand is 14#nobody deals with stressful things the good ideal way and especially not if youre 14#idk none of this really makes sense. i just want you guys to know im sorry#im just kind of upset about all of it which is stupid bc its not like im the one that got banned or argued with or anything
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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