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hermanoga · 3 days ago

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Cause I got nothing to lose : Xia Fei, my new hero in Link Click

before any serious shit wrecks havoc I want to ramble a bit

oh my god, I love xia fei. I mean I knew I would love him but that was for a different reason. He is probably gonna die in the near future, probably lu guang's action triggering his death (or he may not die at all! maybe he survives in this timeline, changing a major node! I hope, I hope), he is already a struggling student economically helpless abroad, his 'Emma' vibes are strong, he assures his worrying mother even though he goes through financial hardships. He is smart enough to know he is being exploited (and tbh the theme of surveillance and making him the 'morbid' object of gaze, I say morbid because in the last scene of his pv, it's a dead shot, his eyes look so dead, the camera's battery is dead. But yk what remains? his face card. The like button continually popping with likes made me very uncomfortable. The cinematography, symbolism and metaphor- link click's visual storytelling just never ceases to amaze.) Also how him being a model is not due to his passion, he desperately needs this money to survive (sounds familiar?)

But really...link click was really link clicking when we got xia fei's first appearance. Subtle social commentary at its finest. Not a woman, but a man is being made fun of for his astronomical career growth in exchange for supposed 'sexual favours'. Those ladies were not, in fact, subtle about it. I'll dive deeper into Xia Fei's psychology later but this encounter shows the harsh reality of the entertainment industries, mostly for those who did not join for passion but rather who had no choice.

Also the scene where his roommate. Man. It's important to address how 'casually' harassment can happen and an AMAB person can be a victim too. Anyway when the roommate tells him about ' the gig that pays quick money and they would like a hottie like you!' I couldn't help but flinch, I understand his rage. Of course, it's again insinuated to be something sexual. That's the first impression Xia Fei also has.

His pv is translated as 'lending body' or 'lending skin', ik it may have multiple meanings but one of them is very prominent.

Selling your face. Or maybe selling your body.

The way the camera fixes its gaze on Xia Fei continually, it's not really for fanservice merely. He is this object people ogle at. (and the way liu xiao and vein ogle at him in his pv makes me sick nvm). Even though it's his own body and beauty that makes him famous, he has no autonomy whatsoever. He realises it. That's why he says

Cause I have got nothing to loose

I don't really think link click is about time traveling. It's that archtexual exercise that constantly subverts genres at its level best. You know what, defamiliarise, many people do not like uncool stuff, for example : issues struggling young people actually face in real life, in this late stage capitalism. That's why link click should not reach that demographic of people. I hope it never does. I hope it gets famous within a community who actually understand and resonate with this show.

Also Xia Fei's story talks about another important theme of the donghua; photo! How photos taken in private spheres are meant to preserve memories of the loved ones, loved encounters. How you capture someone you love in that still image, alive with the emotion you associate with them, giving it an afterlife. The photo becomes the literal and metaphorical medium through which Lu Guang can rewrite history. Forget-me-not, remembrance. It empowers him.

On the contrary, for Xia Fei, it is the panopticon seizing his life and rendering it absurd. The emotive power and affect for lu guang changes into viscous institutionalised power politics for Xia Fei. Brilliant! 😭

I can't help but quote a few lines from a poem by Ama Codjoe

On Seeing and Being Seen

I am touching the photograph of my last seduction. It is as slick as a magazine page, as dark as a street darkened by rain.

When I want to remember something beautiful, instead of taking a photograph, I close my eyes. Desire made you beautiful. I closed my eyes.

.... Tonight, I am alone in my tenderness. There is nothing in my hand except a certain grasping. In my mind’s eye, I am stroking your hair with damp fingertips. This is exactly how it happened. On the lit-up hotel bed, I remember thinking, My body is a lens I can look through with my mind.

Lmao I didn't want to write all of this I'm so sorry 😭

So yeah, that was all the impressions hmph before yingdu ep 3. Now.

I want Xia Fei to be my bestie and go with me on friendship dates. Don't get me wrong, I love Cheng Xiaoshi, but he personally feels to be more like a brother to me, who is infuriating at times and that dumb bitch I'll protect at all costs. I want to befriend Xia Fei and it's serious 😭.

Also I would want, in another timeline, Cheng Xiaoshi and him being complete besties, two dumb twinks twinking with each other. Dumb gays basically. We have got INTJ nerd in Lu Guang, it's refreshing to see ENFP nerd in Xia Fei. Xia Fei could effortlessly be the best regular visitor of the time photo studio. I do not want to tear up thinking about him right now but I really want him to be happy...in another timeline. Blooming with happiness, close to his friends and loved ones, content and safe...

talking about loved ones...

I want an AU where he

fixes this mf

I want Vein to experience at least 1/5th of Lu Guang's anguish and melancholy for Xia Fei. I know, I know maybe Vein will kill Xia Fei when he defects, he is just using him from the very beginning but my love, that's what I am saying! In that AU, they will start off all toxic yaoi shit but at the end it will be...he was a cannibal and he was just a guy, their inter-timeline love will change your perception of love!

I mean no sorry, Xia Fei deserves to be loved and why Vein? because that's his punishment. Melancholic love can be the greatest punishment for someone who goes like a vendor and asks random people " would you like some punishment?" no, sir, thank you sir, would YOU like some sincere human emotions that chomp on your conscience? It's called love, it's limited edition but I'll arrange some for you!

Ok, I have got another fic to write 😭

returning to this post because @whispersoflullaby and I were discussing Xia Fei's body dysmorphia which seems specific to AFAB people and queer people. He isn't someone who is proud of his 'beauty', welp, that's odd for a typical handsome cishet person? His 'beauty' is turned against him. Ngl he reminds me of Ash Lynx a bit. You might say that he had a history of abuse and that's why he assumed the 'gig' his roommate mentioned as sex work. But there is more to it. He is definitely not a typical cishet boy, he is not projected to be one either. Even in the short span of ep 3, it's established that Xia Fei has some intimate connections to Vein, irrespective of whether Vein is using him or not. His anger at his roommate's remark feels very close to violating his identity as a queer person. The assumption that queer people are naturally 'lecherous', and they have no morality or anything whatsoever. But when Xia Fei is well established in the industry, this body politics is slightly changed. Money talks in the entertainment industry and money is the power in capitalist business. So those girls gossiping about the rumour that Xia Fei sleeps with the director for his career growth doesn't bother him like before. The most important thing is, he doesn't deny any rumours. He straight up says "Unlike some people, I always go for the best, whether it's a project or connection, isn't it right, boss?" His reply actually reinforces those speculations...it's giving " Yes I am a sugar baby, but ykw I can cry in my Tesla when you can't afford therapy". It's funny how at the end he says, "Right, boss?" to Vein! Link click...when I get you Link Click... *kowtows*

Also, I really wanna know what exactly did Vein say through the phone to get this reaction out of Xia Fei and cancel his plans to return home.

he is pleasantly shocked! You can see his eyes...that's some sincere emotions and then after the shock subsides, a soft look overcomes his expression. He softy sighs.

And also, idk if I am hallucinating but there is a little blush visible near his eyes (it's no longer there when he sighs)...I want to know what Vein said to him 😭 that interaction is shot in a very *jabsjksksdjnd* way, you can't deny it's intimate.

#veinfei #vein x xia fei #vein link click #xia fei link click #link click #shiguang daili ren #yingdu chapter #时光代理人 #donghua #cheng xiaoshi #bridon arc #veifei #veifei meta #sgdlr #shiguang #lu guang

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sneeb-canons · 2 days ago

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Headcanon #1000

[ v ALL BY @0ne-eyed-ghost !!!!!!! GO FOLLOW THEM NOW!!! v ]

Oho you really shouldn't've asked me for headcanons you fool ?

You absolutely silly soul? Pointing at you?

LOUD CRACKING OF MY HANDS.

Happy 1000 posts :]

1-2 FOR EACH OF THEM!!!! BECAUSE I'M SANE I PROMMYY!!!

Heart; TW; self harm urges; trauma related shit!!! eyes gone MISSING!!!

Heart often just. Remembers he doesn't . Have his eyes. They are gone, not even there !!!! And will reach up to try and feel them ??? Often leads into panic attack related scratching and itching, which just further irritates his already sensitive and healing scars- Often Mind or Soul will hear the frantic flapping and grab some kitchen mittens and shove them on his hands/claws, just to protect him from his own tendencies- Usually ends with one of them either talking him down or just . Physically holding him down until he comes back around. I think about this often like a normal person ?

This ones fine :] Bird moment.. I own 3 birds IRL and have a fixation bully me for it

Heart I think CAN fly if he so desired, but . He's so shit at taking care of his own wings………. Fun fact; Birds have this stuff called pin feathers and sheaths on those baby feathers that protect them as they come out, but !!! Those sheaths hurt a loottt of bumped!!!! Also dampen the ability to fly since. It's just a thick blob of sheath stuff with a feather in the center that's not like. Out of the casing yet :]

EITHER WAY. The few days when it's like. Shower day. Heart doesn't quite like those days because of these pin feathers, so Soul and Mind typically have to 1; restrain him; and 2; clean off the idiots feathers for him so he's no longer in PAIN from getting clean, but he sure swears like. The whole time they have to do this. Big grouch.

Perfectionism at its finest methinks………….

Mind probably sounds the most like whole?

In his normal voice that is! I like to think he's the most. Anxious over-practicing one just to be SEEN as perfect; he wants to be the best and never be anything less. Just. Singing too much can literally harm your voice and permanently strain your vocal cords, making your voice sound VERY hoarse or even hurts to speak!!!!!!! Methinks Mind did this 1 too many times and ended up Losing his ability to speak / Sing normally, so he had to get the ol' voice bank throat filter which stabilizes his throat enough to speak and to sing, he just no longer sounds like whole [WHICH; REALLY PISSES HIM OFF HE WAS SO PROUD OF BEING THE MOST SIMILAR VOICE WISE]

JOURNALING IS NEVER SOMETHING I'VE MANAGED TO KEEP UP WITH IT'S HARDDDD SHOUT OUT TO THE MIND [You know who You are.]

Mind often takes his time staying up later writing down notes and things; Sort of like journal logs? Small things that bothered the other two, what to avoid, what to do more; Just to . Try. and get them closer to their goal of being together as one

It usually also contains like; small things they laughed at, small things he notices the two of them do when they're anxious, sad, frustrated- small body ques to remember to notice and ask about. He's not Very Good at verbally supporting people but he sure does his best to do things in small ways to make things more comfortable, like making probably very tiny snacks from time to time when Heart's in a funk, grabbing blankets whenever he finds Soul sleeping somewhere uncomfortable, Sorting stuff for the two of them, Doing laundry… Just basic housework but things the other two Definitely would Not do…

I think about Darrell often I think he's the most lore giv- I'LL STOP I'LL STOP I LOVE AND LIVE FOR BIRDS

Soul !!!!!!

He feels the most comfortable and like he can breathe when he's out and about around other wild animals, he loves to be able to care after smaller things- Things that can't cause as many fights, and secretly thinks if he can master doing this surely he can master wrangling the other two together into this whole "Let's become Whole" Ideal! Which is why he has owned Multiple animals!!!!! Darrell is just the one that has stuck around the most, and the one he's become the most emotionally attached to- I'm sure if you watched him long enough he kisses Darrell to bed every night and tucks him in :-] WHICH I like to think he'd also be very strict with Darrell? Like an overly protective Father of his only child. It's funny to me

I've never been good at like. Thinking about what soul enjoys doing but when I do think I write like 10million things

I like to think he goes stargazing often, likes just. Being outside. More than inside the house. Which is why he comes home so late so often and isn't around for whenever the other two get into small banters, HE'S OUT WATCHING THE SKY!!!

He watches the star patterns a lot and enjoys charting all the different changes and new stars he finds every night during the different seasons, especially enjoys showing them off to Mind who enjoys cataloging new info and keeping it stored safe and sound..

I also like to think he talks to himself quite a lot, pep talks himself about stuff-

He's always trying to sound like he's got everything all figured out but Quite clearly has No idea whatsoever what would help. He usually panics and goes to his default of "Violence would totally Solve this problem!"

SMALL VIOLENCE IDEA FROM JUST WRITING THE SENTENCE ABOVE YAHOO

Being the Trident owner means he Can physically inflict harm and wounds to them that Will last and Don't go away; Whichh is why the other two react so badly to whenever it's pulled out or around inside the house- Heart can especially tell if it's nearby just by the sound and smell of the metal alone

TECHNICALLY LIKE 3-4 FOR SOUL BUT THAT'S BECAUSE I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL

#i love all of these a lot a lot a lot #sure im semi biased for souls but yk yk #love it a lot #ANYWAY HAPPY 1000 HEADCANONS GUYS #never thought id get or make this many so its wild that i have #will make more as well too im not stopping #AND PLEASE FOLLOW GHOST GUYS THEYRE SO COOL #very cool ideas very cool art & very cool person in general #follow them now you have no choice #especially for cool bird things cos they so cool & big brained with birds #chonny jash #submission #cj mind #cj heart #cj soul #cj whole #cj darrell #chonnys charming chaos compendium

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idolish7imagines · 2 days ago

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So glad to see you posting again! I missed this blog <3 Could I request Gaku, Ryuuunosuke, Yamato, and possibly the Izumi brothers (separately) reacting to their S/O knocking on their doorstep in tears late at night, possibly having run away from or been kicked out by abusive parents with nothing but the clothes on their back and having nowhere else to go (no phone, keys, no cash or cards, just their clothes and their tears). S/O knows the risk of causing a scandal, but they literally had nowhere else to go. It's cool if the rest of the group (TRIGGER or I7) are in there, considering dorm-living. Sorry if this is kinda dark, drawing from personal experiences for this one (a dear friend let me crash at their place, so I'm fine) ^^;

Gaku, Ryuuunosuke, Yamato, Iori and Mitsuki reacting to their S/O being kicked out and living with them

a/n : Anon im so sorry! ;; i hope this makes your day a little easier

.::.

Gaku Yaotome

Gaku just wants you to stop crying. Its tearing him apart inside. The more he dries your face off, the more new tears come to replace the ones he just tended to.

His heart clenched, feelling like it was on fire. There was nothing he wanted more in this moment than to yell at your parents, tell them theyre wrong about you and everything else. Maybe even while you watch, just for you to get a chance to see how much he's on your side.

But, that would only make things worse, and thats not what you need. Right now, anyway.

His touch always lingered on you in some sort of way ever since you came in. On your back, neatly tucking a strand of hair on your head, half-hugs when he really desired to hold you completely and shield you from the world.

Gaku sort of...forgets to ask for permission before letting you stay over. You were in a rough place, so he couldn't just send you back into the cold.

He'd argue until his voice gave out if there were any protests about you staying with them though. Which there weren't, as Ryuu was fairly welcoming and while it was a surprise to Tenn, didn't mind after hearing out the predicament you were currently in.

Scandal is the last thing on his mind, he feels that as long as he's disguised, its fine if you two start going home together, but he'll be sure to be careful

Ryuunosuke Tsunashi

At first it was a pleasant surprise to see your face, thinking that this was a short notice visit, which he wouldn't have minded. But that quickly fades after his golden eyes get a glimpse of your tear stained face.

For a moment he's unsure what to think, even considering the possibility that he's the one that did this to you. But those worries were dashed and soon replaced with another, as soon as you opened your dry lips and began to recount to him what just transpired at your parents' house.

Once you're inside, he pulls you into a tight hug. One that'd probably hurt if you weren't so focused on how terrible you felt inside rather than your body.

While he wants you and your family to reconcile, tonight surely wasn't the time for it, you'd just have to stay at his place for now. It wasn't a bother, you're sad after all, he's actually glad he's here to help take some of the weight off.

His hands were always touching you in some way, holding your hand, rubbing your shoulders, or resting on your sides. Ryuu wanted so desperately to take the pain away.

Technically it was his house and he gets to say who can and can't stay there, but, he still feels the need to fill the rest of TRIGGER in on what's going on and that you could really use some positivity and support at the moment.

He also doesn't want you sleeping on the couch, even if it wasn't uncomfortable, it didn't feel right to make you do that after your night had already been so horrid, so you'll be sleeping with him from now on.

Yamato Nikaido

As he guided you into the dorm, Yamato drapes one of his jackets around your shoulders, inviting you to put it on. There isn't much he can say other than reassuring you that you have been wronged, now that your parents have made up their mind that they weren't letting you back (and he doubts they liked him more than you) but makes sure that you know you're welcome in the dorm whenever.

Despite that, he is pretty adamant on you getting your stuff back at the very least, and that he'll go with you to have his support.

While he can't exactly promise he knows where to go from there, he'll let you sleep in his room until you get things figured out

He might even finally get a bed to accommodate you.

Yamato is surprisingly helpful at getting you to calm down, keeping a cool head and gentle tone while he wipes your tears with a tissue.

"hey, Musashi is glad to have you here at least." He tries to lighten the atmosphere with a bit of humor.

Just for a moment, he'll leave you alone to explain to the other idols why you're here and that you probably aren't leaving soon.

Once he's back, he offers to help take your mind off of things with a movie and some snacks, since worrying right now wasn't going to do much of anything but make you more stressed.

Yamato is actually happy you came to him about this, that you decided to depend on him for comfort and somewhere to stay, even if it is a bit cramped for lack of a better term.

Unfortunately, he only has one chair in his room, so the best you can do is either find a way to cuddle up on the chair..or he's sleeping on the floor or couch in the living room. Not wanting to leave you alone for the night, he might just have to suffer on the floor with a blanket this time, but if its for your comfort, its not too much to sacrifice.

Iori Izumi

after predictably asking 'what happened', Iori gives a look of surprise and concern you don't see often from him, followed by quickly pulling you inside the dorm faster than you could process.

If/Once he's there at the dorm, the first person Iori tells about this is Mitsuki, seeking his guidance in a way for this situation. The dorm is plenty full already, and there's no rooms left, but he can't let you sleep outside or at some hotel since you have no money

Iori feels a little helpless for once, brainstorming of ways to take hold of the situation and fix this as soon as possible, almost to the point where he forgets you need to be comforted at the moment.

He forces himself to relax for your sake, but you can tell in his body posture how much its getting to him that this terrible situation came upon you. You, who's never done anything wrong in his eyes.

With reassurances that you'll get through this no matter what it takes, he goes to prepare a drink and meal for you, with his brother's help.

Iori will bring you anything you want, even if you don't ask, and from here on out will start texting you almost constantly when he's at lunch or on break at work to check on how you're doing. There's been a list started in his room on the steps the both of you are going to take to get through this and into a better situation.

His bed isnt that big, but its enough to get comfortable with. Pale cheeks had frequently started to turn a rosy hue when you cuddle up to him whether out of affection or to simply not fall off the bed.

Mitsuki Izumi

Mitsuki has to control his temper after hearing whats been done to you. He's ready to give those parents of yours an earful, but thats going to have to wait; you always are the first priority.

He hugs you in silence for a while, standing a little away from the door after he's let you in. Neither of you know how long the hug lasted, it could've been anywhere from 30 seconds to 7 minutes. But he stood there for as long as you needed.

Once you're sitting, he wipes your face with a handkerchief and asks if this is a permanent change and what all that you have with you at the moment. A displeased expression marrs his features one you say you came all this way with practically nothing, just that you didn't want to go back.

Thoughts flood his mind, not entirely of panic, but more along the line of what could your parents be thinking, kicking you out like this? As sweet as you are, he knows it couldn't have been your fault. And even if you did do something, it wouldn't have warranted something this drastic.

After a quick but gentle kiss to your forehead, he brings back blankets and gets to work on a meal or leftovers to offer you so you can start feeling at least a little better. It isn't much, but he wants to do whatever he can for his beloved.

Mitsuki's never dealt with something like bad or unfair parents before, so he can't even imagine your pain. But he promised you a long time ago that the two of you would stay by each other's side no matter what troubles or insecurities befall you, and he intends on keeping it.

Luckily since he's not that big, the bed sharing is pretty comfortable, and cuddling with Mitsuki for warmth, whether on the couch or bed is something you never minded before. His touches and presence made things more bearable.

#idolish7 x reader #idolish7 #ainana #idolish seven #idolish7 headcanons #i7 #yaotome gaku x reader #yaotome gaku #tsunashi ryunosuke x reader #tsunashi ryunosuke #izumi iori #izumi iori x reader #izumi mitsuki #izumi mitsuki x reader #nikaido yamato #nikaido yamato x reader

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deustux · 21 hours ago

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Literally, if you see Varigo as "aged up" that's so fucking dumb. You could say that about every piece of meida that gets a new series or show about the cast and their children. Also, let's be real, varigo and aged up Varian x Canon adult characters is different. People who age up varian to ship him with an adult character (even though aging him up doesn't change the facts that these 20+ year olds knew him as 14 and basically it becomes 20+ year old waiting for minor to become "legal")

Likes let's be real by this logic you could say the same about Naruto (Hinata was an adorable 14-17 year old now she's a grown ass women with a 10 year old son and 8 year old daughter. People writing smut about her and naruto isn't weird or odd behaviour. It's fucking normal). Also why are people getting mad? in my honest opinion I'd rather people age up characters to sexualize them instead of sexualizing them when their very obviously underaged.

Like, let's be real if you wanna bring real-life morality into this (which I never do cause I'd rather not falsely accuse people), which is better? A person who took a child character and turned them into an adult with adult features and an obvious adult body and is attracted to that adult version? Or the person who keeps them as a child with all their child features and sexualises them?

Like reminder that a lot of the og tangled fans were minors when the show came out, people want their favourite characters and childhood crushes to grow up with them. When the show came out, I was 11 years old. I'm now 18, no shit I want my favourite character to grow old with me. (I can also look at his 14 year old design and be like "aww he's so adorable and baby I want to protect him" and look at his 18-19 year old design and go "haha Bottom bitch"). Most people who are making smut about Varigo are able to rationalise that their sexualizing the very adult couple and not the 14 year old child. Like most people can rationalise this especially when it comes to media where characters canonicaly grow up and start a new gen. If you look at the 14 year old and 18 year old varian and can't see the very obvious difference (of the age of maturity and obvious age growth). Then that's a you issue.

80% of shows, show characters from their time as children to them growing into adults and no one has an issue of people sexualizing them (obviously the adult verisons) because their aware that they aren't going after them as a minor but their obvious adult design.

You can be uncomfortable about varigo smut. You can have an issue with it because "varian will always be that adorable 14 year old to you." But don't drag artists and authors down because you personally can't or don't want to see the obvious difference in these two characters. (Like you can't ship varigo and complain about people writing and drawing smut because "varians a minor" cos by that logic your shipping a 19-20 year old with a "minor."). You can ship it and hate smut cause of being asexual, or maybe you just don't like smut in general or other personal reasons. But you don't get to play the moral card when it's very obviously, not a moral issue, and the people writing and drawing smut are actually being moral about it.

Like reminder that a lot of varigo smut writers hate cassvarian and rapunzel x varian (honestly me too, makes me uncomfortable even if they age him up because 90% of them aging him up Keep the "knowing him from 14" and don't think to change that when making an adult au of him to date rapunzel, cassandra or eugene also cause rapunzel and varian will forever be freckled siblings to me and Eugene and Varian will always be brothers/cousins).

So yeah its not a moral issue because a lot these people are against shipping a Minor x adult so their very obviously not sexualizing a minor but the very obvious adult version (Vat7k takes place 4-5 years later).

coming out of hiatus to yell with my megaphone that if you think that varigo smut is "aged up minors" then you're stupid!! in vat7k they are both canonically 18 yrs old idk what to tell you. its not aged up for the purpose of smut in the concept, and people who are writing smut about it aren't only in it for the smut.

#DeustuxRambles #my posts #varigo

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katyobsesses · 10 months ago

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I've been seeing a lot of "if your life had a fandom who would you be shipped with" posts on TikTok and like...

I cannot stop thinking about it

I hope, as an aroace, that I am shipped with no one. Please and Thank You.

#but i would be #prbably with one of my female friends? of which there are like 2/3 #but no #i am not attracted to yhem in a shipping way #maybe a qpr at a stretch but???#but also this is fandom were talking about #my aroace identity would be disregarded #theyd ship me with at. or greg. or edie. or darcy.#theyd ship me with... my old uni housemates.#or joshie because i thought i had a crush on him once but looking back it was 100%just me wanting to hang out with him more #katy liveblogs life #its literally making me uncomfortable to think of #which definitely confirms a lot for me #i do not want to be shipped #brotps are my limit

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twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat · 1 year ago

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COME REST YOUR BONES NEXT TO ME ; SATORU GOJO, SUGURU GETO

synopsis; satoru shares the first snowfall of the year with the two people he loves most.

word count; 4.6k

contents; satoru gojo/reader/suguru geto (poly relationship!!), gn!reader, you're all whipped, reader referred to as spouse, fluff fluff fluff!!, sickeningly domestic, just comfy vibes all around, mostly from satoru’s pov, suguru has a favorite (its you) (but also not really he just likes bullying toru <3), satoru gojo may or may not have unresolved mommy issues

a/n; happy satosugu holidays to those who celebrate <33 geto died today isnt that crazy. dont u think its fucked up how love figuratively and literally killed him. anyway! help urself to two very whipped husbands <33

”holy shit!”

the raspy tilt of satoru’s voice echoes throughout the bedroom, stirring you from your comfortable slumber. a soft groan spills from suguru’s lips, deep and husky, as he pulls you closer into his embrace — smoothing a warm palm down the back of your head. trying to soothe you back to sleep, muttering under his breath.

”satoru, it’s too early for this...”

”it’s snowing!” said man continues, unperturbed. unmistakably giddy. he’s standing by the window, hands pressed flush against the cold glass; entirely entranced by the sight in front of his cerulean eyes.

your eyelids begin to flutter. a tiny tug of your subconscious, a pang of something excited flowing through your veins, an alert to your sleepy brain.

(snowing.)

with groggy movements, you wriggle out of suguru’s grasp — a displeased grumble leaves his throat, almost a whine — allowing you to scramble out of bed. ”really?” you chirp, rubbing the sleep from beneath your eyes. a raspy, meek little voice spilling into the air.

satoru grins, watching you move closer, watching as a tiny gasp pushes past your lips. watching as your droopy eyes widen — brightening, glittering, starlight and snowflakes painted on the interior of your iris. a breathtaking sight, he thinks.

maybe even more breathtaking than the winter wonderland reflected in it; beyond the pure opaque frosting of the window’s glass, out into your backyard, buried beneath a thick layer of snow. soft and fluffy, covering the city, suguru’s long-frozen tulip garden, the bare branches of your apricot tree. every roof in sight. all of it dyed a pure white, glittering in the light of a morning sun yet to fully rise, tiny snowflakes descending down to earth.

it’s beautiful.

satoru loves winter. he always has, he thinks. it comes to him as a memory — blurred at the edges, gleaming even still, the first time he saw those snowflakes up close. someone held him in their arms, he recalls. a warmth long faded.

all he can properly remember is that sight. one that knocked the breath from out his tiny lungs, all glitter and something almost other-worldly, something frightening in its majesty. like it broke through a rift in the stratosphere.

the first snow of the year.

and he’s loved it ever since; the soft crunch of snow beneath his feet, an air heavy with the scent of cinnamon and candied apples, bouts of laughter to be heard from faraway apartments. red and green glimmers of artificial light, sweet frosting on the christmas cake he would always gobble up alone in his room. the cold wind, nipping at his bare fingers — a reminder of his capacity for ache.

there are lots of things to love. lots of memories to cherish. and every single year, he gets the chance to make more.

like this; the light in your eyes, the smile on your face, the excitement in how hurriedly you turn to meet his giddy gaze. a nostalgic kind of joy simmering in the space between you.

and before either of you know it, satoru’s pulling you towards the hallway, intent on dragging you outside to see it all up close. almost tripping over his agumon plush, lying unassumingly on the floor, kicked off the bed once again.

(probably by satoru himself, though he’ll always insist it was suguru’s doing. overcome by his jealousy, surely, unable to stand the sight of his cute husband cuddling up to a plushie instead of him. satoru understands, he does — he feels the same when he sees you hug that 3’0 cat plushie of yours.

and, sure, maybe once or twice he’s been lucid enough to register the subconscious kick of his leg and agumon’s subsequent fall to the floor — but he’ll still blame suguru in the morning. if only to see the way said man rolls his eyes, clicks his tongue, maybe flicks his forehead if he’s really lucky.)

high on the spirit of christmas, spurred on by childlike elation and sleep-deprivation, you stumble towards the door. satoru pulls one of his jackets over your shoulders, delighting in the way your hands don’t fully reach through the sleeves. wrapping you up in a cozy scarf when suguru shouts at you both to dress warmly, barely awake and already tired of your antics.

and the moment you step through the door, satoru is engulfed by it. that mystical, mystical feeling.

a little lonely, a little too satisfying to pass up. a cold breeze that nips at his fingertips, snowflakes that brush against his cheeks and stick to his white lashes. a warm hand in his, as you cling to his side, shuddering — but smiling, as you look up at the sky, putting a hand out just to feel the snowflakes melt against the skin of your palm.

he feels you let go of him, but doesn’t mention it. a little too mesmerized to tug you back. dipping his toes into the bittersweet nostalgia of it all, staring at the flurry of white all around you, the skeletal branches of your apricot tree. suguru’s poor tulips. humming a jolly tune, subconsciously. a little delighted.

— until something cold and wet hits the exposed skin of his neck.

satoru twitches, a chilling shudder trickling down his spine. the snowball just thrown at him begins to melt, droplets sticking to his nape, and he turns to you with a raise of his brow. a devilish grin on his lips, when he hears your muffled laughter, sees the crinkle of your eyes.

(you’re cute, he thinks. but you need to be humbled.)

”oh, so that’s how you wanna play?” he drawls, eyes gleaming with amusement. taking a step forward, reaching down to gather some snow in his palm. a wide grin on his glossy lips. ”fine by me.”

he's fast, but you act quickly, running towards the apricot tree with laughter in your throat. feeling the pitter patter of your heartbeat resound in your ears, as the snowball misses its mark by just a hair — and you waste no time in making your own.

it’s a hard-fought duel. snowfall blocking your vision, nerves beginning to numb, red cheeks and runny noses as you chase each other with giddy breaths. unfortunately for you, satoru’s arms are unfairly long, fingers unfairly nimble, and his stamina never even seems to falter.

so before long, your energy begins to dwindle. chest heaving, hands too cold to form a proper snowball, while your husband seems like he hasn’t even broken a sweat. they just keep on coming, snowball after snowball colliding with the fabric of your jacket, and when one of them hits your collarbone you squeal — falling backwards, right into a fresh pile of snow.

satoru moves forward, a triumphant smirk on his handsome face. you’re out of breath, and your hands are red, and he’s fairly certain you’re gonna catch a cold. suguru’s going to scold him, but right now all he can think of is you. the frown you’re wearing, the little huff that slips from your lips.

”ready to admit defeat, sweetheart?” he practically purrs, standing above you with his hands on his hips. smug. and you grin right back.

”never.”

a hum. something glimmers in his eyes, a devious little glint, and you come to regret your decision when satoru gathers a heap of snow with his overgrown arms; only to drop it all on top of you. too tired to fight back, all you can do is shield your face, silently accepting your fate.

a shiver wracks through your body, and satoru almost feels bad. just a tiny bit. but then you finally relent, murmuring bitterly under your breath. ”fine, fine…” a soft pout forms on your lips. ”you win.”

and satoru smiles. crouching down to meet you at eye level, on his knees in front of you. there’s a teasing mirth in his eyes, when he reaches out to cup the fat of your cheek. ”that’s all i wanted to hear, sweet pea,” he drawls, trying not to giggle when you exaggeratedly roll your eyes.

his voice curls down an octave when he continues, leaning forward to brush his nose against yours. hot breath against your chilled skin. ”now, for my prize…”

his lips meet yours, sweet and chaste — a little cheeky. you scoff into the kiss, but satoru’s smile only grows. honeyed, a little bit adoring. his tongue flits out to lick at your cold bottom lip.

he lingers, for a bit. like he’s trying to savour the way you taste, faded strawberry chapstick sticking to his lips, smudged against your own. and you sigh, softly, melting a little, comforted by the fleeting warmth that blossoms on your face.

when he's finally satisfied, having dragged his prize out to its completion, satoru helps you up. brushing snowflakes off your jacket, cradling your ice-cold hands in his. they’re not faring much better, but a worried tug of his heartstrings compels him to warm you up. bringing them to his lips, hot breath fanning over your skin, tender little kisses against the knots of your knuckles.

you can’t help but blush, and a raspy chuckle flows from out his lips.

hazy morning sunshine licks at the branches of the apricot tree behind you, illuminating the contours of your face, the shine of his eyes. a blue smudge on a canvas painted white and gray. the air smells of pine cones and something smokey, crisp. it courses through his burning lungs when he inhales, exhales, a breath of vapour that scatters up into the sky.

satoru loves winter. always has. but now, he’s certain he loves it even more.

because now, he has two people to share it with. two people to drag out into the snow, two people whose hands he can tenderly warm up, two people who’ll laugh and sigh at his antics and still indulge him. two people to pelt with snowballs.

what more could a man want?

”hey, idiots!”

the voice that echoes throughout the air is exasperated, a little teasing. yet fond. suguru’s got his hair tied into a messy half done bun, black turtleneck sweater enunciating his broad chest and the curve of his waist. there’s a fatigue in his eyes, the creases of his face, but a lazy smile is playing at his lips.

”i’m making breakfast,” he shouts, voice deep and smokey and soft even still. ”come in and warm up before you catch a cold.”

”is that any way to speak to your husband and spouse?” satoru chimes back, a melodic lilt to his sugarsweet voice. something satisfied. pleased.

suguru shoots him an unimpressed look, but his eyes soften. melting a little, at the words that spill from satoru’s lips, as if they were always meant to be there.

(husband. spouse. suguru wills himself not to smile.)

with matching grins on your faces, the two of you stumble back towards the door. snow crunching beneath your feet, a happy noise pushing past your lips when you collide with the warmth of your husband’s chest.

”look, suguru. isn’t it pretty?” you chirp, smiling brightly. an expression he mirrors — brushing some snow from the top of your head, warm palms caressing your cold skin, setting a mental reminder to scold satoru later. sparing a brief glance at the snowy veil over reality.

then he exhales. a fond hum. ”it is.”

satoru joins you both by the door, stretching out his lanky limbs. tousled hair, wet strands sticking to his skin, reddened cheeks and a signature pout. ”suguru, my hands are cold,” he whines. ”warm ’em up for me?”

a click of his tongue. ”should’ve put some gloves on, satoru.”

a hum buzzes in your throat, and you put your hands out. itchy, a little dry. a sad frown tugs at your lips when you speak. ”my hands are also cold.”

and, like clockwork, suguru’s eyes soften. a coo tiptoeing on his tongue, engulfing your hands in his larger ones. ”aw, c’mere, my love…” his breath fans over your frozen fingertips. ”let’s get you warmed up, hm?”

satoru gasps, a hand on his chest, and you stifle a giggle. he’s acting, you both know, being a little drama queen. he knows you’re just exaggerating suguru’s double standard as a bit, that your husband would probably set himself on fire to warm either of you up.

despite that, his voice comes out thoroughly offended. ”oh, i see how it is,” he huffs, walking past the both of you. pouting deeply. ”you hate me. you hate me, and you want me to die. i understand.”

”satoru,” you coo. he hmphs, but stills, waiting for you to wrap your arms around him. and you do — a little too eager to appease your giant baby of a husband.

”we’re just joking around,” you assure him, holding back a humorous chuckle. squeezing his waist with palpable fondness. ”love you sooo much. you know that.”

satoru stays silent. but he cranes his neck, to meet suguru’s gaze, standing just behind him. narrowing his cobalt eyes — a meaningful look.

suguru sighs.

”yes, yes. we love you oh so much.” he takes a step forward, ruffling the white head of hair by the door. a lazy smile on his lips. ”now behave and go change out of your pyjamas. they’re soaked.”

his voice is teasing. exasperated, more than a little condescending. but it’s suguru, so satoru accepts it — following you both into the warmth of your home. the scent of cinnamon and vanilla hangs heavy in the air, a hint of espresso and firewood, lulling him into a sweet state of tranquility. rich with comfort, safety.

he changes out of his wet clothes, pulling a black hoodie over his head before waltzing into the kitchen. and you do the same, emerging from your bedroom in one of suguru’s cozy sweaters, knitted and smelling of bergamot.

when suguru notices, his gaze shifts into something fond. palpable. a look satoru always finds in the scope of those warm eyes, amber and cedar bleeding into something sweet, only ever directed at the two of you. a look said man assumes goes unnoticed. he’s not as slick as he thinks.

the kitchen simmers with hazy sunlight and gentle movements, something sleepy and kind. satoru is a little bit enamored with it; from bowls of cat food by the corner, to camellias by the windowsill, cookie jars and dried lemon slices, the fading scent of baked goods and wishlists stuck to the fridge.

(yours and satoru’s are filled with scribbles, new ideas popping up daily, while suguru’s is almost entirely blank; mostly necessities, one or two things he’d like for himself.

and then, of course, the same thing he writes at the top of his wishlist every year; some peace and quiet.)

suguru shuffles around the kitchen, long strands of black hair cascading down his back, swaying with his movements. he sends you both an affectionate glance when you step in, already in the process of making satoru his cup of hot chocolate — topped with marshmallows and whipped cream, colorful sprinkles in the shape of tiny stars, a touch of cinnamon. satoru licks his lips.

when it's finished, the cup is promptly handed to him, paired with a tender kiss to his forehead. and suguru starts the meticulous brewing of your coffee, steady hands, finely chosen coffee beans, the low purring of the espresso machine. soothing.

that’s when you attach yourself to his back. wrapping your arms around his waist, a sleepy yawn muffled into the fabric of his turtleneck. he places a big palm on your hand, thumb smoothing over your knuckle, and you nuzzle into him silently. suguru smiles.

”still sleepy, baby?” he questions, a coo on the tip of his tongue. his voice is soft, palpably so, buzzing with warmth and safety and something that makes you want to stay cuddled up to him forever.

satoru senses an opportunity to insert himself into the conversation, and forces out a yawn of his own. stretching his limbs like a big cat, blinking drowsily, eyelashes fluttering. hoping it’ll come off as endearing. ”mhm.”

but suguru shoots him an unimpressed look. ”not you,” he tuts, patting your arm, ”this baby. i wasn’t asking you.”

a pout. ”why are you so mean to me?” he whines, shooting you a doe-eyed look. bottom lip jutting out slightly, a feigned glassiness to his eyes. ”sweetie, tell your husband to stop being so mean to me.”

you smile. indulgent, as always. ”don't be so mean to him, suguru. you know he’s sensitive.”

a sigh. deep, tinged with exhaustion. satoru shares an amused look with you — stifling a shared chuckle at suguru’s exasperation.

and suddenly, he feels something warm flutter in his ribcage. a sunkissed butterfly, wings brushing against his ribs, coaxing his lips into curling up. unmistakable fondness, almost too much to bear. the need to reach out and touch you creeps up on him, a hunger he can’t deny, but he holds back; you look comfy like that, curled up against suguru’s spine. so he only inches closer, without a word.

his husband casts him a glance, but satoru stays silent. lips pursed, waiting for something. patient.

and suguru relents. he reaches a hand out, to tuck a stray strand of white hair behind his ear — an excuse to touch him. a silent apology.

(i'm sorry, you big baby.)

satoru grins.

you shift from foot to foot, leaning over to see what suguru is doing, pressing buttons and taking two ceramic cups out from a wall cabinet. your eyes zero in on a particular shelf, narrowing in suspicion, before flitting over to meet your husband’s gaze.

”satoru, did you use up all my peppermint sweeteners again?”

he stiffens. just a tad, before swallowing a gulp — followed by a silly chuckle, sheepish and performative, eager to wiggle his way out of your cold gaze. ”… which sweeteners do you mean, honey?”

”don’t pull the ’honey’ card.”

”and don’t play dumb, either.”

a pout crosses his lips. betrayed. ”suguru, who’s side are you even on?”

said man gives him a look. that one look, characteristically suguru, the same one he always sends satoru’s way. one so thoroughly unimpressed it makes him feel like the world’s biggest clown.

and satoru plays along. your dutiful, beloved clown, his posture wilting like a sad flower. suguru exhales through his nose.

”don’t steal their sweeteners.” he smooths a thumb over your knuckle, absentminded, meeting the cold metal of the ring on your finger. smiling a little at the sensation. ”buy your own.”

satoru huffs, drawn out and childish. crossing his arms, leaning against the kitchen counter. ”ah, i see how it is. leaving your sweet husband to buy his own sweeteners?” he clicks his tongue. ”chivalry is dead.”

you bite back a little chuckle — satoru recognizes the cute noise you make when you do — and suguru rolls his eyes. fondly, always. ”remind me next time i go to the store and i’ll consider it.”

”hmph.”

suguru is smiling. it’s small, but genuine, worth a thousand words. and you are, too, the vague crinkle of your eyes giving you away. even as you bury your face in the curve of suguru’s back.

and ah, satoru thinks. there it is again.

that sickeningly sweet sense of deja vu; the sensation of a certain something flourishing deep inside his chest. warming him up, trickling through his frost-bitten veins. that one little itch he never manages to satisfy, that never goes away, something that took root inside his heart years ago — watered by the sweet looks on your faces.

this everyday slice of heaven, right in front of him, that he’s been greedily partaking in ever since he moved in with you. since he married you.

(married.)

sometimes he still can’t believe it.

”it’ll be done in a minute,” suguru hums, and satoru blinks. broken out of his syrupy stupor. ”you two go wait by the kotatsu, okay? must be cold, poor babies.”

and, as always, his voice is a little teasing. a tiny bit condescending, if you really strain your ears, in typical suguru fashion. but it’s laced with a touch of sweetness; one that would be too much for either of you to stomach, if it were to drip out of his lips with nothing to water it down. so satoru accepts it. welcomes it, even.

and you follow his suggestion. making your way towards the living room, satoru trailing behind you, continuously enamored by every little thing he sees. every little piece of the home you’ve built for yourselves.

your living room is cozy. several potted plants seated here and there, a thick quilt to cover the kotatsu, a bowl of satsumas on top of it. a sleepy cat on your couch, golden sunshine ruffling her fur. a santa hat lies beside her, and satoru snags it without much thought. pulling it over his head.

his gaze shifts to the christmas tree over in the corner, eyes filling with a childlike kind of wonder. it’s decorated to completion, weighed down by colourful ornaments and lights, a star at the very top. suguru cut it himself, bringing the biggest and prettiest one he could find back home.

(satoru had gone with him. partially to help carry it back, mostly to get a glimpse of suguru's biceps flexing with the swing of the axe. he’s a simple man.)

and beneath it, presents are already beginning to pile up. carefully wrapped, in bows and silken paper, growing more each day. shattering suguru’s hopes of maybe having a more lowkey christmas this year — but satoru couldn’t be more relieved. this is the only time of year you let him get away with pampering you both to his heart’s content.

a smile blooms on his lips. he plops down on the floor, crossing his legs, right as suguru walks in with a coffee pot in hand. their gazes overlapping.

and something mischievous begins to brew within the blue of his eyes, something that makes suguru narrow his own. satoru pats his thigh, twice, a coo on the tip of his tongue. santa hat sitting pointedly on top of his head, fluffing up his hair.

”c’mere, suguru! sit on santa’s lap.”

”— you’re disgusting.”

the words are playful, but a pout still slips into the curve of satoru’s lips, and he huffs out a displeased little breath. his husband pretends not to hear it, so satoru turns to you — sitting so prettily to his right, already anticipating his next move. puppy dog eyes on full display, he gives you a soft tilt of his head, snowy tufts of hair falling over his eyes.

and you sigh, in what he knows is resignation. his faux pout turning into a satisfied grin.

you curl up in satoru’s lap without much of a fuss, letting him circle his arms around you. an indulgent smile rests on your lips, but he knows you love this; his broad chest against your back, the heat of the kotatsu warming your feet. breathing in the fading scent of your shampoo, he leaves a peck on the sensitive spot right behind your ear, and you try not to shudder.

then satoru smiles. squeezing you, lightly, sweetly, eyes rich with honeyed affection. voice dripping with playful endearment. ”there we go,” he coos. ”what does my angel want for christmas, hm?”

”i want you to stop stealing my peppermint sweeteners,” comes your answer. instantaneous.

silence fills the room. a moment passes. outside your frosted windows, a bird takes flight from the branches of your apricot tree. and satoru clicks his tongue.

”… santa can only do so much, baby.”

two deep scoffs fill the air, heavy and bemused. one from you, one from suguru. satoru only giggles.

”just kidding!” he chirps, planting a kiss on the top of your head. ”don’t you worry. santa’ll give you all the peppermint sweeteners you could ever want.”

you raise a brow, exhaling amusedly. craning your head to meet his gaze. ”and he won’t end up using them all himself?”

”of course not! blasphemy.”

a moment passes.

”… maybe one or two. as a treat.”

a string of protests slips from your lips, and satoru tries not to burst into a fit of giggles. suguru just watches, silently, smiling lightly as he pours hot coffee into two ceramic cups. steam wafting up to the ceiling, a cat jumping down from the couch to curl up in his lap. he places one in front of you, not taking a single sip of his own until he hears you hum blissfully at the taste — pink lips against white ceramic. a bitter taste on his tongue, sweetened by your approval.

then he starts peeling three satsumas, absentmindedly, and satoru swallows down the love-ridden honey choking up the back of his throat. pretending the domesticity of such a simple action doesn’t melt his heart down to the marrow.

he turns his attention towards the window. frost sticking to the glass like spider-woven webs, soon to be melted by the glow of the mellow winter sunrays. flitting in through the curtains, cascading over the room, splattering across the floorboards. framing the hue of your hair, the smile on suguru’s lips.

and a memory comes to him. sudden, hazy, faded at the edges. ghosting his subconscious.

he remembers the frost, the biting wind, the frightening majesty of the snow that fell that day. breaking into his world through a rift in the stratosphere. he remembers the contrasting warmth of the person who held him, who cradled him close; the soft lull of a woman’s voice.

for a moment, satoru thinks he can almost, almost see it before him. hear those gentle words, see her tired smile. why was she always so tired?

(look, satoru. isn’t it pretty?)

— he can’t recall how it sounded. if it was melodic and soft, or raspy and broken, happy or sad. but he does recall that it made him feel safe. safe enough to find comfort in a sight so other-worldly, so very foreign.

it should’ve been frightening, but it wasn’t. the first snowfall satoru ever saw knocked the breath from out his lungs, stole his heart with cold hands, left him with a suffocating nostalgia. but the memory is precious.

and now, he feels that sense of other-worldliness in this; a kotatsu for three, a warm house, peeled satsumas and promises of a christmas cake soon to be baked. one lovely spouse in his lap, the other gazing at him with that fond look he always assumes goes unnoticed. a cocoon of safety — a ghost he doesn’t need to chase anymore.

warmth. enough warmth to make up for the snow and frost outside your home, all the experiences he missed out on as a child. warmth, warmth, warmth. funny, how that happens to be satoru’s favorite thing about winter.

he looks at the two of you, hoping you won’t pay any mind to his silence. for once, he hopes you’ll stay wrapped up in your awful, awful coffee, so bitter that just looking at it makes his throat feel dry. just so he can get away with admiring you for a little longer. from the contours of suguru’s face, to the skin of your collarbone, to the rings on your fingers. ones he put there himself.

and ah, satoru thinks, there it is again. again and again, as always, forever. that warm, warm feeling flourishing in the depths of his chest.

he hopes it never goes away.

#genuinely fucked up that suguru geto isnt in my kitchen rn </3 #i just think sugu is such a caretaker. makes u breakfast and peels ur satsumas w/o u even asking. bc it makes him happy :’3 hes so Mother #i think he lowkey gets just a little bit uncomfortable when u or gojo try to do the same for him… he likes doting on u #but obv he deserves to be pampered too!! just gotta ease him into it #and i think gojo has a hole in his heart where love should be. bc he wasnt given enough as a child #im not sure what to think when it comes to his parents (since we know literally nothing abt them) but...#the idea of him finding some comfort in the memory of his mom…. maybe not realizing that he misses her…..… i think its very sad. and good.#listened to ricky montgomery while writing this i think it mightve healed me #geto suguru x you #geto suguru x reader #geto suguru x y/n #gojo satoru x reader #gojo satoru x you #gojo satoru x y/n #gojo x reader #geto x reader #geto x reader x gojo #gojo fluff #geto fluff #satosugu x reader #satosugu x you #satosugu x y/n #jjk fluff #jjk x reader #……… thats… a lot of tags.

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