#its literally part of the appeal to me
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"How can you like [character] they are not a villain they are a rapist" i am sorry but i would consider rape to be a villanious act,
#and like. its not like being a rapist doesnt add to a character#them being selfish enough to deny another human's personhood to the point of raping them#is an extremely interesting angle of their character to think about#its literally part of the appeal to me#but alas like an enormous amount of people has categorized villains in Good Villains (do bad acts but that's alright#because i am not familiar enough with those acts to consider them wrong to potray (the most blatant example#the love for mafia boss type of villains)#which are Good to like and Bad Villains (which do evil acts that we cannot excuse because they are Uncomfortable to us)#which you cannot like ever because if you do you are badevil and condone their actions#and are just Rapists without analyzing what mentality led them to become that#which makes it just really boring lol
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these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p
i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess
#my art#probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags#im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile#im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me#why doesnt the 🌞&🌜 fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that#their entire character is meant to parallel her#there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that#🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other#there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves#🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there#the entire 6am ending sequence ???#literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content#and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen#and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more#appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume#.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her.#its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot#i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD#anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now
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#i will warn you only once: tsc spoilers#literally just finished it as i am drafting this its 5am where i live#so you may be subjected to some nonsense#that all being said i have thoughts.and feelings#the kevin was lovely and tasted delicious! jean defending him at every turn even when he swears to hell and back he'll kick his ass#the kevjean was surprising i was only half expecting that#the dog metaphors i have to say i need this one cashed in. nora run me my check#im joking of course dont quote me on it#jean taking kevins promise to the end and living on it is seriously so. well.#'be careful with him' 'take kevin's name out of your ignorant mouth' 'you promised me'#also kevin getting called the court's queen had me tender and on my back oml#jean's relationship with the trojans is sweet and he is very interesting and complicated#a character with many moving parts im sure#there were a few things i did not care for#namely jeremy and the trojans felt remarkably flat to me bar lucas (by far the most interesting) and catalina on occasion#i didnt quite enjoy jeremy's pov and felt like he spent perhaps way too much time worrying over jean? if that makes sense#i wish he had some more complexity to him or really anything to catch a hook on#all we know is hes attractive and smiley and gets along terribly with his family#so much of his character is sucked out by jean he didnt feel like much more than a plot device to me#which i wouldnt mind if jeremy wasnt the literal main character alongside jean#i was living for everything jean thought but had to drag myself through jeremy's pov if im honest#uuuuh what else. neil! funny. deranged. i have to love him#andrew couldnt give less of a fuck about jean which is funny as all fuck#two bugs placed in the same habitat ignoring each other#the thing with elodie i thought was complicated. i wish we knew some more about her or that shed been mentioned a little earlier#but im assuming thats a topic to be revisited#uuuuuuuh yeah so thats most of it. i think my first thought and the one that sticked out the most to me is that the book felt remarkably#pedestrian#not necessarily in a bad way#it lacked to me one of the main appeals of aftg which were the numerous interesting side characters
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Hey, this is Taylor from a few years back. Sorry for the ask. I haven't used this app in a few years and forgot how to message lol. I was looking through my old account and saw yours was still up and running, and I just wanted to tell you thank you for the time you were my friend and how patient you were with me. You were a great friend and an even better influence. Hope you're doing good!
This was such a wonderful surprise... I have so many words and yet none at all. Thank you for being my friend, too, and for the kindness you showed me. I hope the future has treated you kindly 🥹🫶🏾
#and now a word from us kids#first of all if you dont know how to use chat its not ur fault its bc tumblr updated and changed 90 times in the last 3 yrs like WHO ASKRD#FOR ANY OF THISSSS#since the great tiddy ban of 2018 we have just gone farther and farther downhill yall 😒 tumblr never shld have tried to appeal to the ads#and its not like it even worked bc The ads we DO get are like facebook video level LIKE PLZ ABEG 😭#anyways i want you to know that when i finally read this ask (like forever late) i was travelling with my sister in TX mind you! and i#literally stopped walking on the sidewalk in 100 degree weather she was so mad at me but i was literally floored#i will never be able to express how much being your friend was healing to me too. and i missed you. and life is crazy#idk if you ever saw that one post on tiktok that went viral and it was an old lady and her best friend had “we were girls together” on#her tombstone like... i think about that all the time. something so beautiful about youth and IM YOUNGG WE R YOUNGGG but still.#thank you for being my friend and thank you for finding me again and i dont even know what words to say! but this was incredibly sweet#and i sat on it for 2 weeks bc i didnt know what to day and i still dont. but i hope you still remember how to read tags 😩😩#a part of me wanted to figure out how to answer this privately but also a part of me wanted this to be tangible somewhere so i apologize at#the end of the day i am still a tumblrina immortalizing things on my blog 🥹🩷#my sunshine#🩷🩷🩷
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Sorry everything ive actually seen about this homestuck racism drama is stupid but The Fact. That two tumblr users were actually discussing and taking halfway seriously the potential of physically fighting over it is hilarious
Anyways if any future Tumblr Fights happen for real id like to volunteer to coach anyone doing it 👍👍 itll be less expensive than a real coach but you only need to beat up another tumblr user so itll probably be fine
#also re: the racism theres literally nothing wrong with not wanting to associate with homestuck fans lmao#but like. there is something that ppl like about it and that isnt the fucking racism like can yall be serious 😭😭😭😭#especually when (to me) part of the appeal of hs has been its time capsule nature to the late 00s and early 10s internet culture#homestuck is still talked about because it has so much to discuss and i think it is valuable to analyse its Worse Moments in the context of#the contemporary culture#to bury your head in the sand and act like its irredeemable bc Hussie was trying to be edgy is kinda ignorant and it takes away from Everyon#e else who made homestuck what it is#bc all the stuff abt hussie this hussie that its auteur theory all over again and for a work SO multimedia and collaborative as hs#its just disappointing
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@a-grayscale-galaxy these tags ... exactly. i feel like this is 99% of the reason why im still obsessed w tsc as a whole after a decade of books that are, let's be real, not even that good a lot of the time. as can be expected whenever one writes a 20+ book long series over the span of 20 years that covers more than 4 generations of the same families, there's a lot of unintentional (and sometimes intentional) implications and strange things happening and exploring that endlessly is so fun. and magnus bane is always there too. i love tsc forever
#hope it's ok to post your tags like this but the whole appeal of tsc to me is that its just crazy!! the moment you do any kind of deep dive#theres so many strange little details for no reason. i literally have a (short) list of random unexplained parts of lore#that are always present but never explicitly addressed. drives me nuts im getting high off good worldbuilding#also this is why kit is my beloved bc hes the first character who has the guts to be like 'hey uh. what the fuck'#tsc#personal
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angel devil a scrunkly demon of angels who exists as a walking contradiction who hardly fits in with his own kind. hes a mirror a dichotomy an existential paradox etc to the question of whether devils are inherently evil or not. hes a symbol of love and guilt and sacrifice and apathy and death. also he wears a stupid little business suit to work with blue converse and binge eats ice cream that he makes his coworker he just met buy for him. how can i not consider him perfect
#also hes a twink who looks like a girl and this is appealing to me <- is bisexual#💭.txt#by the way on the topic of whether devils r evil or not i think his existence proves theyre 'evil' even when they try not to be.#even if theyre instinctively kind and loving theyre a harbinger of doom and whatnot. the guilt is genetic✌️#When the guilt is literally an inherent part of you that you can never escape literally its in his name. wow.#When the dooms inescapable and is an innate part of you *goes mad*#anyway i think always about ahem. his last scene#also i think a lot about how he lost both his arms. a sort of sick irony there.#csm#chainsaw man#/#csm spoilers#in the tags? a bit?
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i feel like the plot has really been lost in the conversation about sexualizing underage characters in anime.
one of the points that the anon who sent me that big bulleted list made about frieren is that "the female character designs are clearly lolibait and evoke the ‘1000 year old elf who looks very young’ trope" and yeah, clearly frieren is evoking the ancient elf who looks young trope just by being a literal direct example of that thing, but i'm not really sure in what way her design could be considered lolibait?
she's pretty short and flat chested but other than that the only part of this character design that's meaningfully childish is the pigtails. it's not exactly a design that's made to show off how relatively young she looks, nor is it a design that seems geared to be sexually appealing in its own right. and it's especially not a design that's designed to be sexually appealing because the character looks young. every inch of skin between the toes and neck are covered, and the only place anything is visibly form fitting is on her knees and calves. the rest has some pretty voluminous drapery going on.
in general a lot of people are pretty weird about anime character designs. like you've got whatshername from bocchi the rock. the red one with the guitar. i havent seen it hold on let me google her.
this lady. she's 25? i think. anyway obviously she reads as 'young' but also to the best of my knowledge everyone in bocchi the rock just kind of looks like this because thats how the artist draws people. is this lolibait? i've certainly seen people imply that character designs like this one are part of 'pedophilia culture' but to me that's just kind of scaremongering bullshit
i feel like it's just kind of an insidious thing to say. like ultimately at the end of the day, do either of these fictional characters resemble a real human child? no. they look like Cartoon Characters.
when adult characters that have faces stylized in the typical 'anime' fashion also have curvy builds and big busts, people will call it creepy because they're of the opinion that you're sticking a child's face onto an adult body and that's degenerate pervert behavior. then on the flipside, if they have straight figures and small busts it's also degenerate pervert behavior because the artist is CLEARLY just trying to draw a child and claim it's an adult.
so like what's the conclusion to be drawn here other than that there's a certain kind of stylization that is just automatcally interpreted as Pedophile Proportions. i really feel like acting like this stuff is a gateway drug to pedophilia is acting like fursuits are a gateway to sexually abusing animals.
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hi, i ireally love your work and i don't know if you've answered this before but, what kinds of studies do you do or how did you learn color theory? i wanna get better at rendering and anatomy but im having trouble TT TT
Hi! Long answer alert. Once a chatterbox, always a chatterbox.
When I started actively learning how to draw about 10 1/2 years ago, I exclusively did graphite studies in sketchbooks. Here's a few examples—I mostly stuck to doing line drawings to drill basic shapes/contours and proportions into my brain. The more rendered sketches helped me practice edge control & basic values, and they were REALLY good for learning the actual 3D structure behind what I was drawing.
I'd use reference images that I grabbed from fitness forums, Instagram, Tumblr, Pinterest, and some NSFW places, but you could find adequate ref material from figure drawing sites like Line of Action. LoA has refs for people (you can filter by clothed/unclothed, age, & gender), animals, expressions, hands/feet, and a few other useful things as well. Love them.
Learning how to render digitally was a similar story; it helped a lot that I had a pretty strong foundation for value/anatomy going in. I basically didn't touch color at all for ~2 years (except for a few attempts at bad digital or acrylic paint studies), which may not have been the best idea. I learned color from a lot of trial and error, honestly, and I'm pretty sure this process involved a lot of imitation—there were a number of digital/traditional painters whose styles I really wanted to emulate (notably their edge control, color choices, value distributions, and shape design), so I kiiind of did a mixture of that + my own experimentation.
For example, I really found Benjamin Björklund's style appealing, especially his softened/lost edges & vibrant pops of saturated color, so here's a study I did from some photograph that I'm *pretty* sure was painted with him in mind.
Learning how to detail was definitely a slow process, and like all the aforementioned things (anatomy/color/edge control/values/etc.) I'm still figuring it out. Focusing on edge control first (that is, deciding on where to place hard/soft edges for emphasizing/de-emphasizing certain areas of the image) is super useful, because you can honestly fool a viewer into thinking there's more detail in a piece than there actually is if you're very economical about where you place your hard edges.
The most important part, to me, is probably just doing this stuff over and over again. You're likely not going to see improvement in a few weeks or even a few months, so don't fret about not getting the exact results you want and just keep studying + making art. I like to think about learning art as a process where you *need* to fail and make crappy art/studies—there's literally no way around it—so you might as well fail right now. See, by making bad art you're actually moving forward—isn't that a fun prospect!!
It's useful to have a folder with art you admire, especially if you can dissect the pieces and understand why you like them so much. You can study those aspects (like, you can redraw or repaint that person's work) and break down whether this is art that you just like to look at, or if it's the kind of art that you want to *make.* There's a LOT of art out there that I love looking at, probably tens of thousands of styles/mediums, but there's a very narrow range that I want to make myself.
I've mentioned it in some ask reply in the past, but I really do think looking at other artist's work is such a cheat code for improving your own skills—the other artist does the work to filter reality/ideas for you, and this sort of allows you to contact the subject matter more directly. I can think of so many examples where an artist I admired exaggerated, like, the way sunlight rested on a face and created that orange fringe around its edge, or the greys/dull blues in a wheat field, or the bright indigo in a cast shadow, or the red along the outside of a person's eye, and it just clicked for me that this was a very available & observable aspect of reality, which had up until that point gone completely unnoticed! If you're really perceptive about the art you look at, it's shocking how much it can teach you about how to see the world (in this particular case I mean this literally, in that the art I looked at fully changed the way I visually processed the world, but of course it has had a strong effect on my worldviews/relationships/beliefs).
Thanks so much for sending in a question (& for reading, if you got this far)! I read every single ask I receive, including the kind words & compliments, which I genuinely always appreciate. Best of luck with learning, my friend :)
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ᴠᴇɴᴜꜱ ꜱɪɢɴꜱ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇɪʀ ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ
i have one last spot for a chart reading you could [venus persona chart and feminine archetype reading is also available]
follow for more content!
ARIES VENUS
MADISON BEER, RIHANNA AND EVA LONGORIA
♇ literally diamond heads, arched eyebrows and full lips. aries venus women are likely to have cupid bows and very pink lips with amazing smiles. i noted many of them have almond eye shapes , square/sharp jaws and a long face that is finely proportioned with amazing cheek bones.
♇ they are also known for their sense of style, specifically rihanna and eva, eva when it comes to her outfits as gabi from desperate housewives is always talked about. they usually have a slim build that is toned as well.
♇ they usually have nice noses, buttoned noses and most of them have a nice nose bridged, ones that are usually sought out for in the cosmetic industry. they wear clothes, clothes dont wear them! aim for bold colours like red and black, but dont be afraid to be more colourful.
♇ they remind me of the animal lynx, because their facial features are very lifted. they usually are the beauty standard and are likely to start fashion/make-up trends. very sexually appealing and have a flirtatious but fierce look to them, its like they're challenging people to come forward to them.
extra - marilyn monroe
TAURUS VENUS
ARIANA GRANDE, SUNDAY KALOGERAS AND JESSICA ALBA
♱ very doe eyes beauty, square jaws like the sign before them, but they're likely women who have a shorter face compared to aries venuses. they have a more rounder face and they're likely to have straighter eyebrows and an upper lip which is bigger than the lower lip.
♱ look excellent in light clothing and brown. do well with curly hair, and have an innocent/adolescent look to them. they normally look frail and have slender necks that sometimes make them look tall when they're taking up close pictures.
♱ they're the epitome of having a deer face, they also have features that are upturned, but i've noted a lot of taurus venuses usually do get cosmetic surgery. they're considered as adorable to many people, so sometimes they have a hard time feeling sexy because other people see otherwise.
♱ they also tend to have high/cute voices. another indicator to why people might not take them seriously when they try to come off as sexually appealing or annoyed in general.
extra - princess diana
GEMINI VENUS
GISELE BUNDCHEN, STUNNA GIRL AND MARGOT ROBBIE
♇ have a very high face, wide smiles, and long face structure, very sharp and darty eyes and always looks like they're up to something or are about to say a joke. they look like foxes [not in a bad way].
♇ they look good in clothing styles that are considered "corporate", like school clothing, "office" siren clothing. either way, as gemini is a mutable sign and the most adaptable. they can dress themselves in a very versatile way and still look good. but most of the time clothing that are too tight for them can be unflattering.
♇ they usually have a square face, high cheek bones and a long nose. if they do too much cosmetic surgery they look very unflattering. [specifically for them], they look nice with very contrasting hair colours, like they can look good in very dark hair or look good in very light hair.
♇ gemini venus women usually have nice shoulders and nice hands, and look good in outfits that is considered "opposite" to them, as gemini represents the twins in astrology. and when it comes to hairstyles, middle partings look nice on them.
extra - megan fox
CANCER VENUS
ZENDAYA, ANGELINA JOLIE AND HALLE BERRY
♱ very pretty women, amazing side profiles, look good in both straight and arched eyebrows. they tend to have medium length faces but the width of their faces tend to be wide. sparkling eyes, especially due to their venus being moon ruled, sometimes it always looks like they're about to cry.
♱ soft smiles and pearly teeth. look excellent when paired with jewellery, and have pretty necks. usually they give the vibe of being average height. usually do have thick eyelashes, even if its not long, they're usually thick or you can say full. their noses usually point down or have a flick to them.
♱ they tend to look really nice with their hair down, especially because they look like mermaids. they have that "i just got out of the water" look to them. and they usually have a lot of baby hairs.
♱ cancer venus women can easily rock the messy hair look, as cancer is one of the signs that rules the bed, sleep and night. they look really nice with pixie cuts or side-parts. they can stare really hard though.
extra - adriana lima
LEO VENUS
PAMELA ANDERSON, ARIANA GREENBLATT AND MONICA BELLUCCI
♇ like those with cancer venuses, leo venus women have amazing side profiles, and can can look good with both thin and thick eyebrows. their eyebrows are normally arched, but they can also be lowly arched which gives them a more feline look, a lioness appereance.
♇ they usually have medium sized heads, with square jaws and pointy chins, and they are women who look good in messy hair, or hair that is curly. straight hair can look good on them but it can sometimes make them look flat, so big or curled hair [along with hair that is tied up that shows their facial structure more] goes well for them.
♇ puffy lips, and when it comes to make-up, they look really good with ombre colours. strong necks and defined collar bones, and they usually have a distinct point on their noise, like the lion nose.
♇ though besides from lions, leo venuses look like kittens in general, even though its the same family, i feel like the venus in specifically in leo women have a more baby faced feline look to them, one that makes them look youthful, they could also have a round head shape, given them a heart-shape as the jaw is sharper than the rest.
extra - lindsay lohan
VIRGO VENUS
KYLIE JENNER, MEGHAN MARKLE AND BELLA HADID
♱ they usually have a long mid face and structure noses, most of them tend to get procedures done to fit into the market/stereotype of what beauty is supposed to be. their jaw usually tends to be soft and then chin sharp, aside from meghan markle.
♱ their eyebrows tend to be pointed and their lower lip tends to be heavier than their upper lip. broad forehead and wide lips, defined cheek bones or they usually define their cheek bones with their make up, specifically blush.
♱ virgo venus women usually look like elves, and their ears are usually defined as well. slender necks and earthy look [specifically due to virgo being an earth sign], are usually women who look very sophisticated. sometimes have the appearance that they just ran through the woods, [can connect to demeter searching for persephone].
♱ women with virgo venuses normally do have pointed eyes, or eyes that are upturned, and the lower whites of their eyes have spaces to them which sometimes make them look like they have sanpaku eyes. they also look amazing with darker hair and with their locks being down.
extra - sophia loren
LIBRA VENUS
JADA PINKETT SMITH, HILLARY DUFF AND CIARA
♇ normally have long faces, or a long nose bridge that makes them look like they have a long face. nice smiles and apple cheeks, a sharp face structure which is a contrast to how libra placements usually look, as they tend to appear more circular, but the libra being in venus gives them a more structured look.
♇ pearly teeth, and sometimes they could even have small teeth. soft eyebrows but full ones. and sometimes they have a surprised look on their faces. defined adams apple and collar bone. sqaure chins and most of them have brownish/hazel eyes.
♇ dewy/glowy skin, the juno/hera impact gives them that, and sometimes they have a lighter under tone. they have sharp eyes that sometimes make them come across as if they're squinting all the time
♇ have hard stares, sometimes they look like they're piercing through your soul, it gives them that cheetah look. like judgement, [the hera impact again]. libra venus women usually have smaller lips, even thought it could still be full, they can still be smaller.
extra - beyonce
SCORPIO VENUS
CARDI B, ANNE HATHEWAY AND DOJA CAT
♱ surprisingly, most of the ones i've seen and researched upon have circular faces, but their faces are long and their cheekbones are strong and defined, and it comes out a lot when they smile.
♱ like the sign they share mars with in traditional astrology, aries venus, a lot of scorpio venuses have strong cupid bows. look really nice when they outline their lips with a brown lip liner, brown and pink combo goes really well with them.
♱ stunning with dark hair, blonde her brightens them a lot, and looks fine on them, but they can also experiment with many hair colours. dark and darty eyes, long nose bridge and most of them usually get cosmetic surgery, as both their modern and traditional ruler indicates cosmetic surgery, there's a stronger indicator when there's much libra energy, as libra is the main sign that governs over cosmetic beauty.
♱ they have a long facial structure, and look really nice with their hair down or up. particularly in a messy updo. they have this dove look, it is normally because of their distinctive or thin nose bridge and their lips being in a lower power of their face. but i think their features are well proportioned.
extra - dakota johnson
SAGITTARIUS VENUS
CHRISTINA AUGELIRA, ALEXA DEMIE AND BILLIE EILISH
♇ have a bigger than life energy, thick/full eyebrows and a long nose bridge. these women usually had a defined nose bridge with a buttoned nose and a very straight hairline that gives them a square head shape. apple cheeks that are prominent and brilliant smiles.
♇ very sultry and inviting eyes, and sometimes it could be piercing. they normally have big foreheads and square jaws and pointy chins. their face features are well spread, and they regularly have straight eyebrows and its low and close to their eyes that sometimes gives them a rough look.
♇ they go well with clothings that are big for them, a big example being billie, but sometimes they might be considered as cultural appropriators, specifically christina and billie.
♇ sagittarius venuses usually have that bohemian look, they look good in both white and black clothing, but also very colourful clothing. like their sister sign, gemini venus. sagittarius venus women are very versatile with their clothing and tend to look like fallen angels.
extra - kendall jenner.
CAPRICORN VENUS
MEGAN THEE STALLION, CINDY CRAWFORD AND TYRA BANKS
♱ evidently, have the model look to them, have a lean or good body figure, and are usually tall. have nice legs and look really good with messy hair, hair that is also layered.
♱ they have boxy jaws and look good in many hair colours, but the hair colours i think suit them the most is black, brown and blonde, as you can see with the women i've put above. they tend to have a shorter faces, or a forehead that could be considered small.
♱ high cheek bones and arched eyebrows. make-up that makes them look like they're glowing pairs well for them. and a classy femme fatale look is an essence they usually display and embody.
♱ capricorn venus women are prone to have very warm eyes, and the tip of their noses are usually distinct, like having a bulbous nose or an upturned one. brown lipped make-up is aesthetically pleasing for them. even though they could be considered as femme fatales, there's still a teddy bear appearance these women have to themselves.
extra - olivia rodrigo
AQUARIUS VENUS
PARIS HILTON, SHARON TATE AND SADE
♇ they look like fairies to me, they have a bigger lower lip compared to their upper lip, and normally the tip of their nose is down turned. and have the type of eyes where it looks like you're looking into their souls.
♇ slender necks and glossy hair and the size of their forehead is regularly large, it gets them more of that other-worldly look. big eyes that usually makes them look sad or makes them look like they can tell a thousand stories.
♇ aquarius venus women [if they dont have strong moon or saturn in their chart], they have very soft cheek bones that gives them a youthful image and a youthful glow. they give more of a cute or refined appearance, and are the type to look nice with shorter hair.
♇ because of their fairy like features, they look very frail and delicate, as if they're brittle glass. aquarius venus women age very well too, particularly with the saturnian influence in their chart.
extra - elizabeth olsen
PISCES VENUS
LILY COLLINS, ELLE FANNING AND ROSE HUNTINGON WHITLEY
♱ i dont mean this in a mean way, but pisces venus women look like adorable cows, i've said this before in the ascendant and their beauty post about pisces ascendant women, but it is likely because their eyebrows are very low down their foreheads and they normally tend to have full, thin and straight eyebrows that gives them that cow look.
♱ but they dont only look like cute baby cows, they also have this baby doll, particularly because their features a prone to be in the middle, [or you can say having a heavy mid face].
♱ they also look good in hair styles that cover their face, [chiefly the side of their faces]. middle parts suit them really well, [and side parts, chiefly if they're going for a classy look, for example, lily collins when she did the audrey hepburn photoshoot].
♱ like aquarius venuses, pisces venus women usually look very slender and delicate. and layered hair compliments them, it captures their face frame well, gives their faces a more lean look as most of their face shapes are square and they have very strong jaws. most hairstyles with their hair down look good on them.
extra - quenlin blackwell
masterlist
#d4rkpluto#aries venus#madison beer#rihanna#eva longoria#taurus venus#sunday kalogeras#ariana grande#jessica alba#gisele bundchen#stunna girl#margot robbie#gemini venus#cancer venus#zendaya#angelina jolie#halle berry#leo venus#pamela anderson#ariana greenblatt#monica bellucci#virgo venus#kylie jenner#meghan markle#bella hadid#libra venus#astrology notes#astrology observations
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Help my family survive the continuing war in gaza
Hello, my name is Mohammed Saqr, from North Gaza.
we want dreams and love for life like any young person in the world. I joined Al-Quds Open University to fulfill my dream of studying like any young person in the world, but it seems that I will not be able to achieve my dream because of the brutal war on the Gaza Strip, which destroyed our entire house, and I lost everything I owned and relied on to achieve my dream, including my laptop, university books and library.
We are a family of 12, displaced from our home in North Gaza to the southern areas under inhumane conditions.
This is my daughter, who grew up in the middle of the war, no kid should go through this kind of childhood and trauma. its unfair and we can’t do anything about it to give our kids the lovely childhood that they deserve.
I am appealing to you, the global community, for help. I have started a GoFundMe campaign with the aim of raising 30,000 Euros to enable me and my family to find safety in Egypt. The evacuation fees change from time to time; we currently expect a cost of between 4,000-5,000 dollars per person. Any additional funds generated will go towards supporting my immediate needs and those of my family. There are various obstacles that we will face on the other side, and I hope that we can make some things easier for us.
I would like to update you on the situation now that the war has intensified. We are fine and safe, but life has become very difficult now all around us, people are suffering more and losing loved ones every day. As a family, we have literally lost everything we own, our homes and businesses, but we are trying to remain optimistic by thinking about evacuating and we heard good news today that the borders may open soon. We pray that this is true.
Once we are evacuated, we will try hard to rebuild a small part of what we lost in Gaza. If we can achieve our ultimate goal, we will have the funds to start a business to support our entire family. We want to be able to start over and not suffer anymore in Egypt. If everyone can help us with a small donation to achieve our ultimate goal, we will be able to rebuild our lives after everything was destroyed.
All the positive words cannot express how generous you are especially in sharing my posts to inform other donors about the people of Gaza who are still suffering from the terrible conditions caused by the unjust war on Gaza. Please continue to support the most just cause in the world either by donating directly or by sharing the link to other media. Do not hesitate to help people in difficult and miserable times until the dark days are over.
#donations#free gaza#free palestine#gaza#gaza aid#gaza fundraiser#gaza genocide#gaza gfm#gaza gofundme#gaza strip#palestine gfm#gfm#gofundme#fundraiser#go fund me#donate#stand with gaza#palestine#help gaza#family#palestine fundraiser#funding#donation#please help#send help#pls help#help#need help#artists on tumblr#artwork
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✮ tags ; fingering, gn + afab!reader, pro-hero katsuki, dirty talk from both parties, semi-public sex (they're in a dressing room), finger-sucking, 18+
✮ wc ; 1.5k
✮ a/n ; it feels like i just got hit over the head with a fucking mallet. i swear im still on hiatus. its seven in the morning. im going to go crazy. the literal spike of adrenaline i got looking at him.
"No way," He snorts, his voice clipped—cocky against the shell of your ear as his hands sneaks against your waist. "This is what gets you?"
A reflexive part of you doesn't want to give Katsuki the satisfaction of a yes. You know how he is. You'd go as far as saying you like it - almost as much as you like him when he's not acting like the center of the universe. But it's undeniable that part of what draws you to Katsuki is the very thing that causing you strife now.
He's complicated. Underlined all that dripping egoism is a real sense of uncertainty - and that part of him is sexy too. The awkward, lovesick gentle man he can be when he wants.
But. But.
Other times, it's his magnetism. Such raw, enigmatic confidence built on experience. Prowess. No amount of complicated can erase or overshadow just how much Katsuki is a pure fire. You normally get boyfriend Katsuki, and he's catty and affectionate with nothing to prove. Soggy and loveable and approachable.
You forget, often, what he can be like when the cameras flash. What the public likes of him. Which is raw sex appeal and sultry eyes and a wicked little grin, wolfish and wanting.
You're not ashamed to admit seeing that turns you on. And it's only worsened to see him bask in it - getting off on the sudden attention
(Your attention, specifically - considering he had been all but indifferent to the awing of studio, only minutes prior.)
"Yeah, it is," You groan, pressing your forehead against his shoulder. Your body shudders responsively to his touch.
There's something rushed about the whole ordeal. Your back is pressed up against the mirror in his dressing room - legs spread with your pants barely unbuttoned. Katsuki is no better, borrowed pants snug on thick, muscular thighs. He laughs a little breathlessly. No less affected than you if the tent in his pants is any measure.
"Aw, what?" He presses, his lips pulled. All canines as he rests his palm over your waistband and doesn't move an inch. "Seeing me in front of all those cameras turn you on?"
You pull away to stare at him and he's grinning. Unusual playfulness steeped and soaked between layers of lust. Your hand reaches for his length, hand cupped around as you grip. He closes his eyes, swears under his breath.
"You look good," You tell him, and you mean it - much more than you've meant anything in the last twenty minutes. He's taken aback by the candor despite asking for it. "You looked so fucking good."
His eyes go lidded as he presses his mouth to yours. He stops teasing, breaching past your pants into your underwear. Your spine curls at the sudden sensation. Brief and unmoving. You can feel how wet you are, feel the way your arousal burns in your core and makes your whole body tight with want.
"You mean that," He says more than asks. His breathing goes shaky and you can feel him pulse in your hands. "Say it. Tell me you want it."
You laugh a little "Want you, Katsuki. Make me feel good, baby."
He groans, once again loosing all composure. You hold onto Katsuki's shoulder as he takes your words like a challenge—the way he takes most things. Everything about the experience is both too much and not enough. You both know it. The energy in the room electric, it's almost harder not to take it all off and fuck him in the middle of his work-day. He has to be back out there in god knows how soon but you can barely keep your legs together without the friction driving you crazy.
He breathes slow trying to maintain his composure- huffs as his fingers press along the folds of your cunt. "You're so wet, fuck," He drops his chin against your shoulder "Never seen you like this"
"You look good when you're all in front of the camera, my love," You huff, an arm around his middle as you draw him close. Your voice is close next to his ear, speaking soft. "A waste you can't fuck me right now,"
There's something like a low growl in his throat when he finally gives you what you. Katsuki knows your body like the back of his hand - every inch of you memorized. Precise, angular movements. He circles your clit a few times before moving down further. You can feel the tight space get tighter, the heel of his hands pressing against your clit as his fingers push past your entrance.
You bite back a moan so broken it's pitiful and he groans with you. He goes slowly at first, tries to ease you into the sensation of his fingers. His are so much thicker and so much longer, noticeable as you feel him stretch your pussy out. He presses the heel of his hand up a little more to give you everything.
"How the hell am I supposed to go out there?" He grits. "Talking to me like that like I'm not about to go back out there."
"I'll let you fuck me as much as you want as a sorry, I promise."
He scoffs at you, makes a point of it as both of his fingers slide into you. He always starts with his middle - feels around for the sweet spot until you're gripping at him harder. After he finds it, he adds his ring finger. He stiffens when you moan, his own arousal starting to show in his face. Red eyes all clouded with desire so deep it could drown.
A honeyed feeling blooms in your core. Burns hot like sugar as you spread your legs to give him more room to you. Your body is so hot, so molten - you give up on everything else. On thinking, on breathing, on keeping quiet. You slump into the mirror behind you as he sets a motion. His fingers curl towards him over and over, rubbing and pushing and grinding against your pulsing core. Against your g-spot, throbbing insides trembling with each gesture.
Your voice breaks out. A deep, needy moan punched from your lungs. He stares at you before ducking into your space. His teeth scrape against the skin near your jaw, kissing and biting and licking. He pays attention to the sweet spot underneath your ear.
"Look at you," He says, like he's gloating. You think he is. If you weren't so aroused you might be able to pay it some mind. "Gonna cum on my fucking fingers, huh?"
"Fuck, Katsuki. Fuck me, fuck."
"I'll make good on that promise, damn tease." He says with a laugh. Biting and cocky and egotistical. Unbearably sexy at the worst of times. It's effecting you more than you care to admit, but you don't have the capacity to pull away from him. "Makin' me do this to you in the middle of my work day like some kinda freak."
"Like it doesn't turn you on,"
He laughs, deep and low. "That's the problem, dumbass."
"Kat," You shudder, your back arching - eyes fluttering closed as you grip his arm. You can feel the way his muscle flexes under your nail, digging into your arm. You groan and whine, cunt clenching around his fingers. It's dripping, noisy as he draws the mess out of you. "Gonna cum."
"Make a mess. Show it to me."
The sound of his voice, gravel coarse and low - is what ends up pushing you over the edge you're sure. Your orgasm crashes into so quickly and with so much force. You barely keep yourself from screaming. Your boyfriend kisses you to swallow whatever other noises you make - seemingly eager to do it. He puts his tongue into your mouth, stifling any other remaining noise.
Your body is pulses, pussy fluttering as shocks of euphoric flit through your whole body and leave you in complete and utter wreckage. Katsuki fucks you through it like the overachiever he tends to be, his fingers highlighting the soft sticky noises of your orgasm as you finish.
Your whole body shakes as a result of your lust. Not entirely gone but at least somewhat tamped down. You let your eyes flutter open as Katsuki pulls his hand away.
Before he can wipe his fingers down, you grab his wrist and pull them up to your mouth. He looks at you startled at first before he realizes, a look of pure lust settling on his features. Carmine red eyes stare down at you hard as you lick your cum off of his hand with a tired smile.
"Take more pictures for me to get off on and come fuck me before we go, okay?"
"Fucking evil little brat." He hisses, kissing you. He moans when he tastes you on him. "Don't think about anything but me while I'm gone."
You shake your head, trying to make sense of anything. "Don't think I could."
He laughs good-naturedly, kissing you again. "Damn right,"
#bakugou x reader#bnha x reader#bakugou smut#bnha smut#writing tag#I CANT BELIEVE THIDFHGKJSLDJJGN#what goes on. its 8am
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I rewatched Sonic Twitter Takeover 7 recently and been thinking a lot about this question (this is only part of the answer given) because I had a little epiphany about it.
Obviously these aren’t really ”””canon”””. The lore revelations to be had in these takeovers aren’t supposed to prove any major theories, BUT I like to look at the takeovers as a general guide for how the characters are meant to be perceived at the time of their release.
I remember people reacting to both this takeover and takeover 6 (sonic frontiers) a bit poorly because of how Amy’s feelings for Sonic were downplayed. Given the recent stuff with the Gens remaster, too, this still feels particularly relevant.
Amy’s romantic feelings for Sonic have been downplayed—there’s no denying that—but I don’t think they’re being erased. With the exception of that one clip from takeover 6 (where Amy says she loves Sonic, Tails teases her about it, and Amy backpedals, saying she said “like,” not “love”—very Boom! Amy, btw), Amy’s feelings have still been on prominent display.
However, two things have changed:
1) Amy’s love has matured,
And, more importantly, in my book—
2) Sonic’s response has matured.
In the above clip, Amy states emphatically that Sonic is “her’s” and that she loves him and that he’s perfect, but kind of stumbles over herself once she realizes what she says. Important to note is that she doesn’t take it back at all, meaning that she meant what she said, but probably would have said it differently if she had given it foresight, given the setting they’re in.
This reads to me like Amy is still very confident in her feelings but is making a conscious effort to be less pushy about it—perhaps for Sonic’s sake. However, sometimes it just gets away from her because her love is just so plentiful. It’s cute!
And what makes it even cuter for me is that Sonic is, just, like, totally okay with this?
What does he do when she goofed up and gets flustered about it? He laughs! Short and sweet. He’s very aware of her affection, and he doesn’t mind it at ALL. He loves when he can get reactions out of her (directly or not). It’s in this same takeover that Sonic rags on strawberry shortcake (Amy’s favourite cake flavour) again—specifically to tease her—and he laughs the exact same way, there, too!
(It’s also implied, there, that Sonic gets Amy to chase him, so he seeks out the game just as much as she does.)
Sonic’s response can still read as distinctly neutral on a romantic level, for those who’d prefer that, but objectively it’s a lot more overtly positive. There is no denying that he enjoys her attention.
So, it’s a rebrand. For sure. But I actually find this to be a lot more wholesome? Zainey Amy™️ (when written well and not over-the-top for comedy like in certain games) absolutely has its appeal and deserves its place in canon, but the idea of Amy literally being unable to contain her love for Sonic and her compliments bubbling over is very cute to me. I also find it more powerful and significant because she’s finding her words to express her love instead of just reacting. It’s more thoughtful and reads as more genuine, as a result.
It’s different, but in my opinion, not bad! She’s not boring. She’s still giddy, passionate, loving, and more compassionate than she’s ever been. And Sonic is more accepting (enticed, even) as a result.
#Amy’s fine guys I swear#sonic still loves her I swear#they’re cute!! they’re cute#sonic’s little giggle towards her makes me melt#‘like certain games’ im sorry but there’s no justifying battle or rush it’s just impossible#they went too far#SA2 and Heroes Amy are misunderstood. those are meant to be haha silly and not serious#don’t even get me started on 06 because she probably picked the shortest straw in terms of fandom perception#you can’t tell me battle and heroes are in the same camp of BAD you just can’t#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonamy#amy rose#sonic#sonic twitter takeover#sonic twitter takeover 6#sonic twitter takeover 7#ask sonic
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Okay all my thoughts because some people have been saying that not supporting this change is not supporting artist and creators and as an artist fuck that.
1. Audiences owe you nothing. You have to convince them to engage with your creation not the other way around. This is something both the nonprofit theatre I work with recognizes and huge companies realize. It's just part of life. There are so many talented people in the world making amazing art, videos, music, writings, and on and on, and there's only so much time in the day. I'm not saying you shouldn't know your worth, just that being flippant about how little you care about those who can't pay isn't a good move. On that note...
2. PR is everything. If you haven't made a visible effort to push patreon, channel memberships or other avenues of making money, don't be suprised that your creation that was previously accessible to those without extra cash and to those who can't support foreign subscriptions due either to conversions or because it simply doesn't work, being made private isn't popular. There's a big leap from "We want to have more artistic control" to "We can't afford to make our content accessible to most of our audience," and people are smart enough to see this. You either have to make budget cuts or give into sponsors. This isn't unique to Watcher, it's part of literally every production from broadway, to Hollywood, to YouTube. Unless you can fund it yourself or get viewers to pay(which given how many are already strapped for cash...) that's life.
Not to mention they simply do not have enough followers to make the switch to a paid only site(dropping the first epsiode only on YouTube isn't going to draw people in, they're just going to say "oh why start if I'm not going to see the rest" and not watch) especially not one that is buggy and a security risk. Even if the switch had been supported its not going to end well. The only reason services like nebula and dropout work is because of the large amount of series and creators and the fact those creators still are partly on YouTube so new people are drawn in.
3. As for the price, 6 dollars a month is a not a good starting price for only their content and that's as someone who pays for nebula. I'd be paying the same amount for a fraction of the access to others work. Actually it'd be twice as much. And before someone says "it's only a coffee-" that's for you. Not everyone has your lifestyle. And with every other patreon and subscription service that says the same thing, it all adds up and I simply don't think 60 dollars for 48 videos a year on a subscription basis where you don't get to keep the videos if your situation changes, some of which don't appeal to every viewer is a good move. If you were able to buy physical copies of your favorite series they've made that'd be different, but that's not what this is.
4. I do believe that the employees deserve a livable wage. I also did not hire them. It is not on the viewers that they hired more people than they could afford to. They can charge that much if they want to to try and balance this out. They also shouldn't be suprised if not many can or will sign up. They also don't have to be based in L.A. L.A has ridiculous costs associated with it, and quite honestly it doesn't really add much to the content. I'm not saying they need to move to the middle of nowhere Kansas. Simply that living and basing your studio in a super expensive city and then being suprised money is tight is just weird.
5. Something that occurs to me is that they might get more views if their playlists were better set up. Only some series are given playlists. It'd be easier to find all of the series and binge them if they didn't just show off their more popular shows. Honestly the only draw the streaming site has to me is that the series are actually labeled well.
Do I think the weird ass energy towards Steven is necessary? No. He's not the only one at the company and they're all adults. I actually liked grocery run and homemade, and like to see them back. The parascoial attachment to Ryan and Shane is annoying in people's criticisms, but that doesn't make them completely wrong. If you're going to brand yourself as the anti capalist underdogs you can't get away with being dismissive of your poorer fans. The dissonance is what is causing this backlash and makes you look like hypocrites. I definitely think Steven is turning into the fall guy which is fucked up, his statement and the fact dish granted is one of those shows that make people uncomfortable about wealth flexs doesn't help matters.
#watcher#they really need a CEO who has business experience first and foremost or at the very least a consultant they actually listen to#they also should put more focus on other personalities and actual give them a chance to stick. none of them got famous or a fanbase in a day#give some of the others time to grab attention
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Ngl I despise stupid ass tweets like this
There is a time and a place for talking about sexualization, but like you cannot be serious.
It’s shorts. She’s wearing shorts. I know part of the reason why her thighs are exposed is because people like to look at thighs, but oh my god. For 5 seconds, 5 goddamn seconds can the people in this fandom not treat women’s bodies like they are some inherent sin? ITS SHORTS.
Based off this tweet you would assume she was dressed like THIS or something (although this one has SOME armor LMAOO)
But not just by hoyo standards, but by normal people standards, Feixiao is wearing a regular outfit, especially considering the climate she lives in is probably fairly warm, and she’s not a normal human being, so all that extra armor wouldn’t be doing much for her anyways.
Hell, this is a universe where shit like the antimatter legion exists, and I’m sorry, but a few pieces of metal really aren’t going to do much against the stuff that Feixiao might be facing, and considering how restricting armor can be, a pilot such as herself would prefer lighter clothing. Honestly if we want to have a discussion about practicality or realism, the flowy/longer parts of the outfit should be the ones under fire, but that’s not the complaints here.
And I get where this person is coming from.
I understand wanting to see an armored lady, especially considering her male counterpart seems to possess that, but this is not the way to approach it at all.
But calling it misogyny? AND SOFT PORN?? SHORTS??
SHORTS
Like do you hear yourself? You sound like a puritan right now? Honestly I’d prefer Feixiao having her thighs out over hearing someone talk about them like they only exist for gooners to gawk at.
Moreover, considering the absolute nightmare that was the copy-past female Luofu designs, I’d say that hers is a breath of fresh air
Also, if you supposedly can’t take a woman seriously because her legs are exposed.. get help dude. Please.
I don’t even think it’s ridiculous to believe that her design is sexualized, especially with the garter, but like, why like this?
Oh, and Jingyuan’s design is sexualized as well, it’s just not through exposed skin. He has a whole ass corset and thigh garter and he’s imposing and has a deep voice and glowy ass eyes and long hair and he stares at the camera in his splashart like That and you get where I am going with this because HES MEANT TO HE HOT TOO. He just has a different kind of appeal
For fucks sake his lightcone literally has him lounging in a chair legs spread eyeing a bird sleepily as the light hits him like that and his face looks like that wand you expect me to believe this game isn’t trying to present him as attractive? For fucks sake he practically has an adoptive son. This is the dilf older man fucker final boss and yet a woman with shorts is what sends you spiraling?
Don’t act like you didn’t see the TikTok comments of people wishing they were his bird when he got released. Or the master stroke jokes? Or everyone and their mothers (literally according to Cyyu) drooling over his EN voice? “I AM the reinforcements?”
If you want to talk about non-sexualized generals and pull up a picture of Jingyuan I will (and currently am) laugh in your face because to be honest more revealing clothing would make him less horny because the uniform is part of the appeal.
I rest my case
#honkai star rail#hsr#Jing yuan hsr#Jing yuan#feixiao#Feixiao hsr#Surprisingly enough I don’t really have a thing for Jing Yuan#I’m just very observant
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Practice On Me — Part Seven — Azriel x Reader
Note: I hope you enjoy this part because I’m not overly happy with how it’s written, I don’t know why 😭probably just me being a DUMBASS. Also, it’s still not letting me tag some of you 😩anyone know why?
Summary: The Bat Boys are worried about reader. Cassian’s getting a little suspicious of Kaeda. Azriel is really, really missing his friend.
Word count: 7k.
Warnings: Some injury detail.
“He cannot do this. Surely, he cannot fucking do this.”
Azriel slams his fist on the table so hard that ale sloshes over the lip of a mug. The atmosphere in the mead hall is unusually calm tonight. There’s more laughter than arguing, and some dickhead with a lute is even providing the attendants with music. But at the centre table, a cloud of doom darkens the mood.
Everyone has wisely given Rhys, Cassian and Azriel a wide berth.
Tensions are high. Something’s got to give.
“His role in this camp is to oversee our training.” Az balls his fists. “Not to get involved with how we spend our time outside of it.” He eyes Cass and Rhys opposite him. “Right?”
“Technically, yes.” Rhys confirms. “But as the overseer of said training, he also has the authority to remove any distractions as he sees fit.”
“Distractions? She’s our friend, not a fucking toy—”
“I’m just putting it to you straight, Az. It’s the typical Illyrian attitude rearing its ugly head. All four of us made the decision to go to Fenlaros, and yet it’s the female who shoulders the blame.”
“It’s fucking ridiculous.” Cassian finally speaks up.
He hasn’t said much. Too busy thinking about last night.
Nobody knows a thing about that wild, impulsive fuck except him and Y/N. He plans to keep it that way. Not out of any sense of regret, but…he doesn’t know. His brain is ticking over.
He can’t help wondering something that’s never occurred to him before.
Is Y/N branded a certain way by Illyrian ideologies because the closest people to her are males? Has she unfairly gained a reputation — one that would be made worse if what she and Cassian had done became common knowledge?
He doesn’t want to be the reason she gets more shit thrown her way. He’s starting to think he should think harder before he acts. Maybe last night was a mistake. He can’t even see Y/N to talk it through with her.
“So what do we do?” Az is asking as Cass zones back in. “There’s got to be something. Do we take the matter to your father?”
Rhys cocks an eyebrow. “Be real for a second, Az. My father would laugh us out of Velaris. He doesn’t concern himself with trivial camp matters.”
“Y/N having to choose between an abusive household or perishing in the snow is not a trivial matter.”
“To him, it is. He’d tell Devlon to lead and do what he believes is right. Which, he already has, even if we don’t agree with it.”
“Well that’s bullshit. We can’t just lie down and do nothing—”
“I’m not saying that, Az—”
“What about your mother? She adores Y/N. Surely she could appeal to your father—”
“No. She’s pregnant. She stays out of this.”
“Then what do you suggest, Rhysand?”
“How about you start by explaining to Cass and I what’s gotten into you recently?”
Finally, Az has nothing to say. He goes silent. Still.
He stares back at his two friends like he can’t imagine why they would wonder such a thing.
And then he purses his lips. “I don’t know what you mean.”
Cassian scoffs. “Please. Even I think you starting fights left and right has been extreme.”
“Fuck you. You’re totally exaggerating.”
Rhysand raises an eyebrow. “If you say so.”
“I do.”
“We’re just worried that your behaviour has changed since Kaeda came into the picture—”
“You know what I’m worried about?” Az snaps. “Our friend who is literally homeless as of this morning. That’s a little more important, don’t you think?”
Yes…and no. It’s not that Cassian and Rhys don’t agree. It’s just that…that all roads lead back to Kaeda. And that’s becoming a problem.
“We’re not just going to leave Y/N to deal with this alone, Az.” Rhys tells him. “We just need to be careful about how we deal with it. Devlon isn’t messing around. I don’t want us to cause her more trouble.”
As folds his arms. “So what do you suggest?”
“I’ll talk to Y/N’s friend — Vegha. I’m sure she can open her home to Y/N while we figure things out. Just don’t do anything impulsive or stupid.”
That seems to appease Az a little. He sits back in his chair — allows himself to be a bit more open.
Until Cass totally fucking ruins it and says, “And don’t go starting any more fights just to impress Kaeda.”
Az says again, “Fuck you.”
Cass returns a withering look. “Fuck you right back.”
“Productive.” Rhys comments, shaking his head. He pushes to his feet, and both his friends look round.
“Where are you going?” Az asks.
“To speak with Vegha.” Rhys tells him. “And don’t follow me. You two idiots will only make things worse.”
He has no idea how right he is.
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚
It starts with the fire going out. Always.
The door swings open hard enough to hit the wall, and freezing air envelops the place. Your father tracks snow into the house, and he smells so strongly of booze that it permeates the room and spreads like a sickness.
You are five years old. You like to draw things in the soot that coats the fireplace. You don’t like green apples, but red ones aren’t so bad. The house always feels untidy since mama stole away in the dead of night a year ago. You try to keep on top of the cleaning, but the damp and the cold makes your hands sore, your bones ache.
Every night, you sit with your hands in your lap and wait for your father to return home. If he’s coming back from the forge, he’s tired and in a bad mood. If he’s coming back from the mead hall or a tavern, he’s drunk and in a really bad mood.
Tonight is the latter. But not only is he drunk and in a bad mood — he’s also brought company.
Four other males. They’re all huge — too huge to fit into the house, you think. If they’ve come for food, there isn’t any. If they’ve come for comfort, there isn’t any of that, either.
But they’re looking at you, all four of them. And in some way, you know that it’s you they’ve come for.
“This is the one?” A male with reddish-brown hair asks.
“I have only one.” Your father answers, and he jerks a chin in your direction. “That is it.”
It.
“Scrawny. There’s barely anything of her.” A second male comments. “This won’t be difficult.”
“I always think that,” reddish-brown answers, “and then they start fighting back. Kicking and scratching.”
You may only be five, but you are not foolish. Something is very, very wrong. A sinister wave has swept your already-miserable home, and you are about to be swallowed up in it. You eye the four males with wide eyes and scoot back a little.
Reddish-brown is the leader. He folds his arms with an authoritative air and announces, “Pathorn and Yevmael can hold her down,” he turns to the second male, “you take one wing, and I’ll take the other.”
The male that steps towards you from the back has eyes as black as the soot in the hearth. His lips twitch up on one side, and he says, “Come here, then, little pup.”
You do not move.
“Come.” He repeats. “It won’t hurt…much.”
They laugh at that.
You tuck your dirty, bruised knees tightly into your chest and rest your chin atop of them. You say nothing, make no move.
“Oh for fuck’s sake.” His friend at the back says, stalking over to you. “Just pick her up.”
He does exactly that — by the scruff of your neck. You yelp as he yanks you into the air, and on instinct, your arms are flailing, legs kicking, tiny wings flaring.
“Look at that.” Charcoal eyes sneers at those very wings. “It’s a fucking abomination.”
If this is a game, you don’t like it. You twist in the male’s grasp, try to wriggle free, and he growls a curse at you. You growl back — a fierce, fierce noise, you think. It makes the males laugh again.
“On the table.” Reddish-brown says. “Face-down.”
“Papa,” you fight, “papa, papa, papa.”
There comes no response. It’s then that you realise he’s removed himself from the room. Left you with these monsters.
“Quiet now, pup.” Charcoal eyes says. “This won’t take long.”
You want to scratch him, and you try, even though your nails are chewed and bitten, despite mama always telling you not to do that. But mama isn’t here now and neither is papa. It’s just strangers with angry faces. Strangers who want to hurt you.
You’re slammed down onto the table, and you let out a cry. Someone holds your legs down. Another person holds your arms.
You are five years old. You like to draw pictures in the soot that covers the fireplace. You don’t like green apples, but red ones aren’t so bad. You are utterly and totally alone.
“I hope you never thought about flying.” Reddish-brown steps up to you. “That day will never come.”
And then they begin hacking at your wings.
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Your father takes you to a healer only when it’s almost too late. A fever scorches you head to toe. You think that mama returns to sit by your bedside, but that isn’t real. It’s a dream.
You’re too weak. You sleep fitfully on your front, because trembles wrack your body that continuously wake you up. You jerk every time the pain at your back gets too much.
The door opens, and you wonder if mama is returning again. You like that dream. But it’s your father, accompanied by the male who has been leaning over your weakened body for days.
“Will she live?” Your father asks.
“She will.” The healer tells him. “If she can fight off the infection.”
“Can’t you just give her a tonic, or something?”
“This is the worst wing clipping I have ever seen. There are ample healers in Illyria who are qualified to carry out the practice. What possessed you to instead leave her in the hands of a group of soldiers?”
“I will do with my child as I see fit.”
“You may no longer have a child, if she cannot fight this. Her life hangs in the balance.”
Your father makes a noise that sounds like a growl. He does that when you’re in his way, and he just wants to sit quietly without you lingering around him. “Give her a fucking tonic—”
“If she survives this,” the healer tells him, “she will be scarred and in pain for the rest of her life. You did not merely clip her wings. You butchered them. This is precisely why a healer should be the one to perform the procedure—”
Your body jerks with a fresh wave of pain, and you whimper. Both your father and the healer look over at you.
Your father’s lip curls, and he turns to the male once more. “Fix her.” He commands. “Because if you can’t, you’re helping me bury the body.”
No. The males will come back and put their hands on you again. They’ll bury a body. They’ll bury your body. They’re going to bury you. Soil will fall on your ruined wings, and when mama truly does come back, she’ll have only an unmarked grave to greet you at.
You try to move, but you’re strapped down. You whimper again.
Bury the body.
Bury the body.
Bury the—
Your body lurches up.
Sweat slicks your skin. You press a hand to your forehead, but it’s cool, not burdened by fever. You’ve awoken like this every morning for the past week.
The dreams are burdening you a lot right now. The memories.
They remind you, at least, why you will not return to your father’s home. Even if you end up hunching yourself up in doorways and exhausting any other dire options.
You hear a noise from the doorway, and you rub the bleariness from your eyes. Illuminated by the dim light in the hall, a male leans against the doorframe. He watches you nonchalantly, biting into an apple. Green, not red.
“You were shouting in your sleep again.”
You heave a deep, slow sigh and rake your fingers through your hair. Sweat soaks the strands.
“You dream often about burying bodies, don’t you?” The male steps into the room. He flares his wings, and you try not to look at them. “You’re quite odd. I think I like it.”
“Get out, Markis.” You sigh again. “Stop watching me sleep. It’s strange.”
“Is it more or less strange than chanting about burying a body?” He smirks. “And you’re in my house, remember? You can’t tell me to get out.”
“Yeah, well, it’s my house, too, and I can.” Suddenly, Vegha is appearing. She swats her younger brother, and a slither of relief settles into you. “Stop bugging her, Markis. Go to the training rings, or something.”
Markis so clearly doesn’t want to leave. He eyes you, his gaze falling from your neck, down to the old, threadbare sweater that you’ve been sleeping in. It’s Azriel’s — still smells like him.
The intensity of the male’s gaze is uncomfortable. And after a week of tolerating it, you’re not sure you can any longer.
“Fine.” He swallows down a bite of apple. He sends you a leering smirk. “I’ll tell your friends you said hello.”
Vegha rolls her eyes. “Markis, just leave before I boil your entire head—
“I’m going, I’m going.”
The male strides out of the room, shooting you one last look over his shoulder. You should ignore it, because the idiot is just basking in the novelty of having a female under his roof that he’s not related to, but the discomfort has sunk itself under your skin, and you’re not sure you can live with it.
Which is a bit of a problem, considering there are no other avenues for you to explore, and have nowhere else to go.
Vegha shuts the door behind her brother and turns to you. “You slept fitfully again.”
“Yes.” You feel a little bad admitting it. It’s not her, nor her family home, nor the bed that’s the problem. It’s you. All you. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Of course, you do. I wish there was more I could do to help.”
“You’ve done more than enough, Vegha.”
She doesn’t look convinced. The worried streak in her eyes is an indicator of how terrible you look. And you know she’s just caring for you as your friend, but you can’t stand it. One more pitying glance may push you over the edge.
“I have to get to the crèche.” She tells you. “Can I get you anything before I leave?”
“No—thank you.” You sit up. “Listen…I won’t be here when you return home. I’m getting out of your hair today.”
She pauses. Studies you. “You’re not in my hair. You’re welcome to stay for as long as you need. Ignore Markis — he’s a cock.”
You breathe a soft laugh. But you can’t ignore Markis — not any longer. Just as you haven’t been able to ignore any of the males who have made the past week even more difficult than it already was.
Illyrian males are…are a sickness. They’re bred in violence and depravity. So few of them are good.
And if the past week without Azriel, Rhys and Cassian has taught you anything, it’s that to some degree, your exposure to such behaviours has always been muted, thanks to their protection. They’ve been a strong unit around you since you were eleven years old. Most males have been wise enough to steer clear and escape the wrath that would come down on them for messing with you.
But now you’re forbidden from seeing them, and you’re free game for any fucking male in this gods-forsaken place.
You need to be away from them. To be on your own.
“I know.” You answer Vegha. “And I appreciate you opening your home to me, I really do. But it’s fine — I’ve made other arrangements.”
The look she gives you is dubious. She doesn’t believe you, and rightfully so — it’s total bullshit. “You have?”
“I have.” You dip your chin. “I’ll be just fine.”
“…well I’m glad to hear it. You’ll come right back here if those plans fall through, right?”
“Of course I will.” No.
She hesitates at the door. She’s been nothing but kind and accommodating to you — a real friend.
But it’s bad enough not being able to escape the males that haunt your dreams. There’s a damn good reason for you staunchly refusing to return to your father. You will not swap one monster for another.
“I’ll see you soon, then.” Vegha studies you. There’s a sadness in her brown eyes. She genuinely cares. “Take care, Y/N.”
“I will.” You force a breezing smile. “And you, also.”
She inclines her head, and then she’s slipping out of the room. The silence only gives way for your too-near dreams to dig their claws in. You scrub your hands harshly over your face and push to your feet.
You don’t know where you’ll go. It’s tempting to ignore Lord Devlon’s warning and race back to the cottage. Drama may await you there — a total mess that you somewhat made for yourself — but at least you’d be warm and safe while facing it.
You can’t — you know you can’t. You don’t want Az or Cass or Rhys to face any consequences.
So after you get yourself ready and gather what little stuff you have, you head out into the snow and hope you won’t be sleeping in it that night.
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Azriel strikes at the sparring dummy as if it fucked his wife and stole his seat at the dinner table.
The damn things are supposed to be bolted to the ground, but a couple of bolts are no match against the fearsome shadowsinger.
He strikes and strikes until the object is more or less obliterated, because fuck the sparring dummy, that’s why. Fuck the sparring dummy, and fuck Lord Devlon, and fuck—
“I think you made your point.” A trilling voice cuts through his red mist of rage. “How about you set the sword down and have some water?”
Perhaps it’s just Azriel’s anger thinking for him, but he doesn’t feel that Kaeda has been particularly helpful from where she’s perched atop a smooth rock. She cleans her nails with the tip of a dagger and stretches her wings out around her.
Across the ring, Cassian watches and turns to Rhysand. “Why is she allowed to be here, but Y/N isn’t?”
Rhys shrugs his tense shoulders. He doesn’t know the answer.
The two of them step closer to where their brother is trying to breathe through his fury. He’s not coping so well.
See, Azriel has experience with missing things. He misses his mother all the time. Sometimes it’s a dull ache, manageable amongst the mundane comings and goings of life. Other times, it hurts so bad that he doesn’t think clawing his chest open would be too extreme a reaction. Missing a person is a sensation that knits itself under his skin and seeps into the marrow of his bones. It’s relentless and hideous.
Missing Y/N is a new kind of torture he never contemplated having to face.
It’s not just that he’s worried about where she is, whether or not she’s safe and well. It’s that he misses the silliest, tiniest things about her that he didn’t even know he’d ever noticed in the first damn place. The rapt determination with which she cuts the crusts off her bread because that’s a little too much bread for her. The way she gestures wildly with her hands whilst passionately talking about things. That ruined, tattered journal she carries around in which she scrawls blunt, one-sentenced, sometimes unintelligible thoughts. And her scent — gods, her scent.
It has been one week — an amount of time he’s spent away from her before. But it’s different this time. This isn’t like being away on a training exercise and knowing he’ll soon be coming home. He knows nothing. Doesn’t even know what to think, what to feel.
Other than an overt urge to murder the camp lord. Violently.
“How about we get done here and head to the mead hall?” Kaeda breaks through his warring thoughts. “I’m starved.”
Az grabs a nearby rag, wiping the sweat from his face. “Not really hungry.”
There’s a pause. And then a soft sigh leaves the female. She sheathes her blade and pushes to her feet, just as Rhys and Cassian are approaching. “I mean this in the nicest way possible, Azriel, but you can’t be visiting my father with this attitude.”
At once, this grabs the other two males’ interests, and Azriel wants to groan. Right. He’d forgotten about that.
“What’s this?” Rhys frowns, staring between Az and Kaeda. “You’re returning to Fenlaros?”
“My father invited Azriel to dine with us, that’s all.” Kaeda answers for him.
It had genuinely slipped Azriel’s mind. Amongst everything else waging war in his thoughts, a dinner with Kaeda’s family in Fenlaros had sunk right to the bottom.
But he knows immediately how it looks. That he’s being secretive.
Rhys studies Azriel closely. “And you’ve cleared this with Devlon?”
No, no he hadn’t. Quite simply, he’s not sure he can be within twenty feet of the bastard, right now, without throttling him.
He hates himself for it — he really, truly does. But for the sake of sparing himself a lecture, he shrugs. “I have.”
He does not lie to his brothers. And they can smell that lie on him right away.
Cassian stares at Kaeda for a long moment, before turning towards Az. “That is a fucking terrible idea, and you know it.”
“It’s dinner.” Kaeda shoots back.
Cass grits his teeth. “I’m talking to Azriel.”
“Listen, Cassian—”
“Excuse me—I’m sorry to interrupt.”
All four of them turn in the direction of the intrusion —and they stop short.
All three of the males know Vegha, of course. Rhys was grateful that she’d so willingly opened her home to Y/N when he’d asked. But other than that, they’ve only spoken to her in passing — she’s never had reason to seek them out before.
But what adds a slither of urgency to her rare appearance at the training rings is the even rarer appearance of the two little girls who hold her hands. They’re not supposed to be here, and Vegha knows this well.
She obviously deemed whatever this is urgent enough to bypass that rule.
“Vegha.” Azriel steps forward, studying her closely. “Is all well?”
Vegha shifts on her feet, clutching tighter onto the girls’ hands. She’s never comfortable here, around all these males, but it’s a different unwanted attention that makes her want to turn and leave.
Kaeda eyes her head to toe with a look of distaste. Of mistrust. She folds her arms and flares her wings — a gesture that has the little girls gasping.
“Settle down.” Vegha squeezes their hands. She directs her attention back to the males. Strange, that she feels more comfortable with them than she does with the only other female present. “Honestly, Azriel, I’m not at all sure.”
Rhys steps forward. “Is it Y/N?”
Cassian swears — swears — that a small sigh comes from behind him. From Kaeda.
“I know you’ve been instructed to stay away, and I don’t wish to cause you any trouble.” Vegha tells them. “It’s just…well, she was staying at my home this past week, as you asked, Rhysand. I told her she was welcome for as long as she needs — that she mustn’t return to her father’s house. But just this morning, she suddenly announced that she was leaving…that she’d found somewhere else to stay.”
“And?” The word slips from Kaeda’s lips.
Yeah, Cass definitely isn’t in the mood for this today.
“And…and I’m not sure I believe her.” Vegha shrugs slowly. “My brother wasn’t exactly making it a pleasant stay, and I think she was desperate to get out of there. But I can’t imagine where she’d go. I just…thought I should tell you. You know her better than I do.”
True — except her three closest friends can’t imagine where she’d go, either, if not back to her father’s house. And they can’t imagine her resorting to that.
She has no money for a room at an inn. She doesn’t have a long list of friends who will open their homes up to her. And she most certainly can’t go back to Rhys’s mother’s cottage.
So…where? Will she pitch up in one of the abandoned tents across the camp? Will she spend her nights shivering in doorways and wondering where her next meal is coming from?
This is fucking ridiculous.
She can’t be left to live like this.
“You did the right thing, telling us.” Rhys reassures Vegha. He offers a gentle, soft smile to the girls at her sides. “How about you take these two back into the warm? We’ll deal with it.”
Gods, he’s already a High Lord through and through. Calm in the face of turmoil. Not letting on to his inner panic.
Vegha dips her chin. “Sorry, again, for interrupting.” She tugs gently at the children’s’ hands. “Come, girls.”
Rhysand’s brow furrows. Vegha is perhaps the only other good friend Y/N has in this place. There’s no way she’s made other arrangements — Rhys knows it. Cassian knows it. Azriel knows it.
“We’ve got to do something.” Azriel voices what they’re all thinking, a feral panic colouring his tone. “We can’t just leave her to face this on her own. Fuck what Devlon says. I’m not sitting back and letting her freeze or starve to death.”
Rhys chews his lip. “…I can try to speak with my father. But I’m not hopeful where he’s concerned. This falls under Devlon’s jurisdiction.”
“All Y/N needs is a roof over her head and some food in her belly until we can work out what to do next.” Cassian crosses his arms over his chest. “There’s got to be some way we can help. Is there not any clue of where she might go?”
The two males are looking at Az expectantly. If anyone knows, it’s him.
But he’s just…he’s not had his eye on the ball recently. His thoughts are all over the place. Perhaps he’s neglected his friendships a little — because he could swear he knows Y/N inside and out, and yet his mind is blank. Utterly fucking blank.
“I—I need to think.” He runs a hand through his hair, turning — he stops at the flash of red hair that meets him. He’d forgotten Kaeda was even there.
She stares between them, saying nothing, her face pinched and arms crossed. What she’s thinking, Az isn’t sure. But a thought suddenly strikes him.
“Kaeda.” He faces her properly. “Can’t you house Y/N in Fenlaros for the time being? Until this is sorted?”
Kaeda stops short. Blinks at him. “…What?”
“It doesn’t have to be your home, or…or even anything extravagant. Just somewhere she can sleep. There are surely more options in Fenlaros than there are here.”
Kaeda does not like this one bit. A negative reaction is rippling off her in waves, and it hits Cassian like a blast of cold air. Rhys, too.
But Az seems oblivious.
“Azriel…” The female keeps her voice calm, measured. “You know it isn’t that easy. A person can’t just…defect to another camp.”
“She wouldn’t—”
“So what’s your excuse?” The words are falling from Cassian’s lips before he can stop himself. He’s not sure he cares.
Kaeda pauses. Her face is a sheet of wide-eyed innocence as she turns to him. “Pardon me?”
Cass shrugs one shoulder. “You’ve been buzzing around here for months like a fly. What’s your excuse, if that’s not allowed? Because your father may be Lord of Fenlaros, sweetheart, and he may let you do whatever you want, but look around you. This is Windhaven. His word doesn’t mean shit here.”
Azriel takes a step towards him. “Cassian—”
“Either help our friend, or stay the fuck out of it—”
“Cassian, that is enough—”
“It’s fine, Azriel.” Kaeda’s voice is so deceptively warm, you could melt butter on it. She steps towards Cassian, face open, hands held up in a placating manner. “It’s fine. You’re right. I understand you’re upset, and I…I apologise if my presence here has been burdensome. Of course I’ll help any way that I can. I’ll talk to my father right away.”
Cass doesn’t feel particularly satisfied by that. Doesn’t believe a fucking word, to be honest. His eyes communicate that as he stares the female up and down.
“Cass, I think you should apologise.” Azriel says.
He barks a laugh. “No chance.”
“Kaeda just said she’d help—”
“Enough.” Rhys finally jumps in. His tone is laced with authority — just a smidgen of an idea of what he might one day be like as High Lord. He crosses his arms and glares the three of them down as though they’re bickering younglings. “Arguing back and forth will do nothing to help Y/N. We need to act. I will speak to my father. Kaeda will speak to hers. Az, you should see if you can find out where Y/N might have gone. Cass, I want you making sure she doesn’t go anywhere near her fucking father’s house. By the end of the day, we should have at least sorted something. Understood?”
Cass doesn’t look away from Kaeda. He can see her eye twitching — the way she so desperately wants to push back against being ordered. Gods, how Az can’t see right through her, he has no clue—
“Understood.” Azriel answers without hesitation. “I’ll get right on it.”
Rhys inclines his head. “As will I.”
“And I’ll head back to Fenlaros.” Kaeda adds.
Cassian merely shrugs. “Fine.”
Without goodbyes, Azriel is shooting into the skies — probably hoping to get an aerial view of a sodden, freezing Y/N traipsing through the snow.
Rhys looks between Cassian and Kaeda for a beat longer before he disappears, winnowing — Cass assumes — straight to Velaris.
And then there were two.
Kaeda turns back to Cass. The doe-eyed look on her face is instantly gone. There’s a hint of a damn smirk.
“Whatever game you’re playing at,” Cassian clenches his jaw. “You will not win.”
A soft hiccup of a laugh escapes the redhead. “Oh, yes I will.” She steps closer. Close enough for her cotton-and-powder scent to envelop the male. “See, I always get what I want. Always.”
“Not this time. Azriel may not see you for the viper that you are, but I do.” He grits his teeth. “And I will fucking destroy you before you cause any damage.”
Green eyes glitter back at him. The female is unperturbed by the threat — and she knows he means it. There’s even a change in her scent that makes Cassian’s nostrils flare. A darker one. A muskier one.
“Oh, Cassian, I do hope so.” She says, and pushes up so her lips are at his ear. Her full breasts brush his chest. “I love a male who’s willing to punish me.”
She winnows away before the snarl has a chance to claw up Cassian’s throat.
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This is starting to feel like a bad idea.
It was easy, from the warmth and comfort of Vegha’s home, to convince yourself you’d be fine out amongst the wilds of the camp. But the old armoury is dark, dingy and cold, and within hours, you’re not sure you have the resolve for a single night there. Let alone however many you have ahead of you.
This used to be a place of mischief, when you and your friends were children. This far end of the camp has sat abandoned and unused for years, after newer, more effective training rings were installed where the hub of activity now lays. The four of you would spend days here, playing pretend with the old, wooden practice swords that were left behind. You’d make up stories of the area being haunted by the ghost of an ancient, disgruntled Camp Lord. And as you got older, it became a place to come and get drunk, to speak words and secrets that remained there, never to be carried away with you.
You won’t be bothered here, you know — nobody ventures this way. But that, and the fact that the old armoury affords you a roof over your head, are about the only positives. You’re so cold that it hurts. You’re hungry and miserable and tired in a way that has nothing to do with nightmare-filled sleeps.
And gods, you miss your friends. You miss them so much, it‘s a gnawing ache. All those nights you took for granted, tucked up warm in the cottage, Cassian making you all laugh with his antics. Those times seem so distant, now. Is this how it will be, from now on? Never did you think you’d be separated from your friends. And you don’t even know if this is a permanent thing. Will you have to wait and wait until Rhysand is High Lord and able to make decisions, before you can see them again?
These thoughts will do you no good. They’ll only make you colder and drive you to shed tears that you’re not sure you have the energy to shed.
You bundle in your blanket, squeezing your eyes shut as though that fruitless act will shield you from the cold. You were tempted to build a fire, but the last thing you want is to draw attention from anyone flying above. Being found in here will just bring you more trouble you don’t need.
You’re already hunched as it is, gloved hands buried under your armpits — but you somehow manage to tense even more when you hear the distinct sound of boots traipsing through the snow outside.
No.
You can’t do this — not right now. Nobody fucking comes here. Is the Mother laughing at you from above and sprinkling more misfortune into your already-dire existence? You can’t handle a confrontation, can’t handle being told you can’t stay here—
But the door creaks open, and it’s Azriel’s face that peers around cautiously. You almost sob with relief.
“Thank fuck.” He breathes. He’s slipping inside, shutting the door behind him. In a few great strides, he’s in front of you and dropping to his knees. “Are you alright?”
If you speak, you might crack. You risk it all the same. “How did you find me?”
“Took me a while to think of this place, I must admit. It’s been a long while since we were last here.”
But find you, he did. And fuck, his scent and natural warmth are swarming you. It feels like nothing else matters right then. Just you and him, like it’s always been. He yanks you into a hug, and you don’t stop him.
“You’re frozen.” He whispers, squeezing you. His gloved hands rub at your arms, your back, your shoulders. He pulls away to cup your face, and he studies every inch of it. You’re not sure what for.
But you stare back. You don’t know what to do or say. That could be the cold making it difficult to think, or it could be this weird wedge between you that feels like it’s only growing.
Az leans closer, and he presses his forehead against yours. “I miss you.” His gloves brush over your cheeks. “Gods, I miss you. So much.”
“I miss you, too.” You shudder. The words are weighty and truthful, not just referring to this past week apart, but to whatever has been going on for a while, now. You didn’t mean for it to be like this. You just want to go back to how it was.
“I’ve thought about nothing else—” His nose bumps against yours, and one of his hands slides to the nape of your neck, kneading the skin there. “I just—just need you close to me, Y/N. Always.”
You attempt a breathy laugh. “I don’t think Devlon would agree with that.”
“Fuck, Devlon. We’re going to get around this. Rhys is going to talk to his father, and even if that fails, Kaeda is talking to hers. I reckon they’ll be able to offer you sanctuary in Fenlaros until this is sorted—”
You pull back to blink at him. Study him. “What?”
“I asked Kaeda to speak with her father on your behalf. To see if they can find somewhere for you to stay. I’m sure they can—”
“Azriel, I’m not going to Fenlaros.”
He pauses. “…If they’ll have you, Y/N, yes you are. It means you’ll be safe and warm and fed—”
“No.”
“What? Why?”
“Besides the fact that I’m already in enough trouble thanks to that place?” You pull away from him, easing to your feet. “I don’t know anyone there. And if Devlon were to find out—”
“Stop worrying about Devlon and start worrying about your safety.” Azriel, too, stands. “It’s the most logical thing.”
“No, it isn’t.”
“Y/N.”
“I’m not going further away from you than I already am, and I’m especially not going to start playing house with your lover, Azriel, it’s odd—”
“That’s what this is about?” He cocks an eyebrow. Folds his arms. “Because you don’t want to accept help from Kaeda?”
You shrug. And just…just to give your body something to do, you begin pacing. “I’m not sure it would be very helpful at all.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
“No, I’m not.”
“You just don’t like her, do you?” He snaps. The sound is harsh, and it makes you grit your teeth. “You’re not willing to accept help that you so clearly fucking need, because you don’t like Kaeda.”
“I don’t trust Kaeda.” You whirl around to face him. “Not one fucking bit, and you shouldn’t, either.”
“Why?”
“Because none of it makes sense! Why is she here in Windhaven, Azriel? What is it she actually wants?”
It’s dangerous — the way your voices are rising in volume and echoing around the armoury. But it’s as though weeks of emotional buildup are floating to the surface, and you can’t stop them, and they’re stoking an anger that actually warms you and feels better than being cold and hungry.
Azriel shakes his head. “You’re fucking impossible sometimes, you know that? You don’t want to help yourself. It’s like you’re determined to make your life as difficult as possible, and when you’re offered help, you don’t take it. You’re impossible!”
“Yeah, Azriel, maybe I am.” You snap back. “But at least I’m not lying through my teeth like Kaeda is, and at least I don’t break my damn promises.”
Azriel stops short. Stares at you.
You and he both know you’re referring to Solstice Night. You should have confronted it before, but…but you buried it.
You’re not sure you can do that anymore.
Azriel purses his lips. And then has the nerve to state, “Things are different between you and I these days.”
“Yes.” You stare back at him. “They are.”
Your eyes are trying to communicate so much. Things are different, and it might be the boundaries you crossed, but you’re more certain than anything that it’s Kaeda’s influence. You just don’t understand why Azriel can’t see it.
You wonder what he might say yet. So much anger and pent-up frustration zips between you. Mixed with longing and missing each other. Loving each other. Wanting to scream at each other, and for each other.
And part of you wants him to spit vicious words and fight back, just for you to feel something — even though you know that’s not Azriel’s style. But you stare and stare, and neither of you speak, and then Az is shaking his head and clenching his jaw.
“I’m not arguing with you here.” He says. “It’ll only draw attention to us.”
You fold your arms. “Fine.”
“I’m going to speak to Rhys, find out what his father said. And I’ll speak to Kaeda—”
“Go right ahead. I’m still not stepping foot back in Fenlaros—”
“And I’ll bring you some blankets and food. Or Cassian will. Or…whatever.” He stops still for a second, swallowing. “But we need to fix this shit between us.”
You know that. But you’re so fucking stubborn, your own worst enemy. And right then, you want to scream. Cry. Hurt him how he hurt you.
So you say nothing. You just shrug again.
He stares, as if waiting for a better reaction. And then he shakes his head once more and turns, striding back to the door. You wonder if it’s a bad thing to let him go, like this. When will you see him again? How will things be when you see him again? You’re making it worse for yourself, for him, for both of you.
You open your mouth — to say what, you’re not sure. But you’re stopped by Az pausing with his hand on the doorknob. With his back to you, his shoulders tense. He’s frozen in place.
And then he speaks — growls — two words. “Fuck this.”
He turns, marching back over to you so fast, you don’t have time to react.
And then he’s grabbing your face, and his mouth is on yours.
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