#its like saying things are aesthetic for no reason
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More TMA Head cannons and thought experiments and season 5 spoilers
(HEADS UP: This talks about toxic relationship dynamics. Specifically feeling isolated by a partner.)
Ok, so recently I've been really thinking hard about the Lonely Eyes ship. Specifically Elias|Jonah Magnus x Peter Lucas.
When I first heard of it, I'll admit, I dismissed it out of hand. "Peter hates people,-" I thought, "No way he willingly decideds to enter a commited relationship with anyone. That goes against his dedication of the lonely :/".
But then it sat with me.
It sat in my mind.
It seeped in to the shallow crevasses of my smooth brain.
It sat with me and now I want to understand.
It sat with me and now I want to make it work in a nuanced way.
Full love to those who ship them for fun or for aesthetic or for any other reason! This is me, full on in my red strings, corkboard, and supplemental era overanalyzing everything as I comb through the series after finishing it once.
ANYWAY! Peter Lucas is the avatar of the lonely, yes? Yes. Peter is a man of solitude. He doesn't want to talk. He doesn't want to get to know you. He doesn't want you around him. He wants to be alone. However, he notes that to feel truly alone, there still needs to be the knowledge of a person or group you are separate from. Without that comparison, being lonely can lose its meaning. It can slip into the Vast's territory. This need for people dispite wanting to be separate from them is why Peter saw the extinction as a real threat.
So he keeps himself at arms length from people, but he still needs them there. No closer and no further. Just enough for him to feel truly alone.
Elias Bouchard is the newest name and face of the body snatcher, Jonah Magnus; the avatar of the eye. (I headcanon that every time Jonah body snatches, a bit of personality is picked up from his victims. Because of this, in this post, I will refer to this incarnation specifically as Elias) Elias loves the eye and is very well attuned to it. He's conniving, quick wited, and very choice with his words. He lives to know. To know you. To know your secrets. To know your failures. To know what keeps you awake at night and to know when it's best to remind you of of all these facts. When he targets someone, he is focused and deliberate. This style of "preying" not only lends itself to feeding the eye as it rattles his victims to thier core, but also allows Elias to blackmail them into collecting MORE information for him as they don't want others to know what Elias knows. It worked on Daisy, Melanie, and (almost) Martin.
But an interesting little side effect of the Eye's power is that it makes you acutely aware of your own presence. You feel singled out by it. It knows everything about you. Intimate things that no random person should know. It watches you. Did something you do give it that knowledge? Who else knows what it knows? Who eles knows and isn't saying anything? Who eles knows and is thinking about you and your worst habits, your dirty secrets, your troubled past that you worked so hard to put behind you? They must know. But they refuse to admit it. You can't trust them. It's you against those who know you and those who will ever know you. And what a truly lonely state to be in.
Jon once said, "The lonely and the eye aren't too far apart are they? Not really.. What goods being alone if you don't know how alone you truly are?"
The eye makes you know how alone you are.
So back to Lonely Eyes (if you read this far, thanks for joining me, I promise I have a point to make). What if they're relationship was super toxic. Like textbook toxic, but they are okay with it because it's the aspects that seem toxic to an average person that they actually value in their relationship.
Imagine, Elias and Peter have an on and off relationship. Elias knows Peter. He knows how to make Peter feel like he's been seen. He knows what games Peter is willing to play and what bets he's willing to make. He hunts Peter. He enjoys the information Peter gives him, yes, but he also enjoys the slight fear that oozes out of Peter whenever they speak.
Peter hates being seen. He doesn't like that Elias "understand's him". That makes him uncomfortable. But he can't help but be drawn back in by this sence of isolation Elias' presence brings. The feeling that he can't reach the outside world when Elias is around. He wouldn't want the world there anyway, whether it's because he never liked socializing or because everytime he talks with Elias, he feels like nobody should know what Elias knows. That this lonely man had a code Elias has secretly hacked into. That Elias could be his undoing if he wanted to be.
Because of this, Peter can't handle Elias for long bouts of time. The uncomfortably becomes far too much for the fimiliar lonelness to soothe over. So Peter eventually leaves to do his own thing ...on his own boat... for his own entity...on his own time.
But, almost like a parting gift, the memory of Elias drifts in and out of his head on those long voyages. Those sparse memories makes it feel like a person is missing. A very important person is out of reach. A person who kept him on his toes and saw him whether he liked it or not, is now gone. No more chats. No more games. No more Elias. And a strong wave of loneliness hits him like a crashing wave. Peter can't help but bask in the weight of it all.
Overtime, those thoughts just don't give the same punch of loneliness. Eventually, he feels relativly average all things considered. He doesn't immediately go back like an addict might, but he will treat himself once in a while... when he finds himself washed up on the ports of London.
Elias may not count on Peter's visits. Once Peter is gone, his fun has been had and it's back to babysitting archivists. However, you would be hard pressed to find Elias focused on his work when he can see Peter walking up the institute's steps, and he knows it's about to start all over again.
#WOW That's a long post!#I needed these two out of my skull cave#they are toxic#but not too terribly so#the magnus archives#tma podcast#tma#elias bouchard#peter lukas#lonelyeyes#character analysis#brain rot
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Dislike the suffix -core.
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It's always interesting to hear about people's weird/unexpected "alternate life paths". Like, something that you could have done with your life, a job you almost took, a school you almost went to, etc - that was still actually realistic enough that it could have happened, but NOW it seems to not suit your current personality.
Like for example, I currently hate advertising (how manipulative it is, brands trying to be 'relatable', social media amplifying it to an obnoxious extreme, etc.) so much that even seeing a little ad before a youtube video is grating to even witness, but there was a point in time where I was genuinely seriously considering going into marketing/making commercials as a career lol. Or like, I have a relative who was very inclined to be a pastor when they were younger, even though today they're a super strong atheist, etc. etc.
#BECAUSE I knew I really liked filming and editing things and doing set design and costume design (from having done little bits of that#here and there in media classes and my own stuff - i used to be a lot more into making videos than I am now). BUT I was always thinking#that a movie is WAAY to big and long. even a short film. So I was trying to think of ways I could still like#have the fun of scouting locations to film and dressing up actors and etc. etc. without it having to be a Huge Million Dollar Production#on tv show or movie level. SO then I was thinking about like... just doing commercials. Or music videos. Like shorter things where I still#get the fun of the filming and everything but it's less of an intensive long term project.#So there is an alternate version of me (I suppose if i somehow did not end up having physical and mental health issues#as badly somehow.. or like.. randomly came into wealth and was able to pay my way through a nice college despite missing#days constantly being out because I'm sick or something lol) that works in some corporate advertising office coming up with commercials#and directing or filming them or doing the sets for them or something in that general vicinity.#I also was considering being a corporate psychologist. or whatever its called.. oh from google:#''Industrial and organizational (I/O) psychologists study and assess individual group and organization dynamics in the workplace''#I don't think I even knew what the job entailed. I was at the time just thinking like.. the type of person that comes into a business offic#and gives everyone personality assessments or does MBTI or big-5 testing crap for whatever reason that some businesses get that#done for people. Really i just wanted to be in a Corporate Big Office setting yet still do psychology. Because I used to be really fixated#on living in a big city. Like the ideas of everything being walkable. picking up a coffee in the morning. walking to my job in a Big#Skyscraper Building. people watching in a huge hotel lobby for lunch. flying frequently (I love airplanes and airports aesthetically).#living in an apartment with a giant window overlooking the city. etc. etc. BUT that was before i had really BEEN to a city. Then I actually#hung around a city a few times and went places and I was like... AUGh... The Sensory Overwhelm.. cars people lights loudness noise scary#everything happening all at once. etc. etc. (though even when I wanted to live in a city i NEVER strove for the Night Life. when i say I#enjoy city imagery I mean like... in the day time. Many people who like cities talk about The Night Life and post pictures of cities all#lit up at night and clubs and dancing and restaurants. none of that EVER appealed to me. perhaps a sign I am not a real city person. Like#I am NOT standing in a crowded bar full of loud people in the middle of the night lol.. get AWAY from me!!) but I do adore the#architecture of like bright white clean sterile modern spaces like huge airport lobbies or malls or etc. I think thats what reminded me of#city and what I liked about the idea of that life. Like I always LOVED the layout of schools and hospitals and trainstations and public#transport in general. Though even then I knew enough that I would not be a good architect/city planner. so I guess my adoration for those#spaces was merely to be channeled into LIVING there. but then I realized I didn't even really want to do that that much. I mean I still#definitely aim to live NEAR a city. like the little areas outside of it. I would never live in a rural place 4 hours from anything. I liter#ally just COULDNT since I need close access to hospitals sometimes lol. But I used to want to live in the CENTER of citites like high rise#condo. and now I'm like.... eh....... perhaps a smaller quieter walkable space nearby lol.. ANYWAY.. alternate me in my Business Suit eheh
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fascinating to see both the far right and the far left blame jews/israel for hurricanes but for different reasons. it's like convergent evolution of antisemitism
#usually (not always) ime there's more overlap lmao#anyway the right wing is saying it's bc of chemtrails/cloud seeding#and the left is saying it's bc israel alone has used so many bombs over the past few decades that they're mostly responsible for#climate change. if you were wondering the reasons.#it's funny my first night back on tumblr i was checking who all had followed me while i was gone#(wasn't many ppl#want to check for spam accounts and such)#and one person had reblogged a post. and the op you won't be shocked to hear had a stalin pfp#anyway soviet propaganda poster aesthetic vibes of hands grabbing a globe with the text smth like#'how will the earth survive if israel keeps bombing it'#which bad enough on its own obviously#but i've seen. a couple other things now directly blaming israel for helene and milton#criticising israel not inherently antisemitic but Holy Shit do some of you people love to use israel as an excuse to reinvent the protocols#antisemitism
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I DONT WANNA BE THE OWNER OF YOUR FANTASY!!! I JUST WANNA BE A PART OF YOUR FAMILY!!!!!
#ME WHEN🥰🤩😘😍🥰😍🥰😍🤩😘😘🥰😍😍😍#i can never have irl friendships w/o them being tainted by my sexuality lolll#like it was fine when all of my friends were queer. that group was fucked for vastly different reasons#but like. straight men who KNOW that im a lesbian will start being friendly and im incredibly fucking lonely all the time so its like :) yay#and then EVERY TIME. it was only ever bc they wanted to fuck me.#and if i have one more fucking 'straight' girl tell me i turned her gay im going to blow something up#you dont even like me youve j had bad experiences w men and have a weird romanticised view of wlw relationships#and youve decided that i fit the bill of ur aesthetic shit bc you think all the other queer girls we know are ugly.#insane thing to say btw. 'oh im having a sexuality crisis over u bc ur the only hot lesbian ive ever met.' real love for the community there#anyway. this keeps happening and im so bored of it this is why im shit at irl friendships#nyxi cant stfu#vent post
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As someone who went to Germany and spent like 70% of the time in churches, Von karma sibling growing up Christian head canons is so fucking personal to me
#ace attorney#von karma siblings#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma#if anyone is curious the reason was i was on a choral music tour with my schools chapel choir#a series of words that i know require so much explaining but take it#german church architecture is fucking bomb though just saying#absolutely stunning#i may dislike almost everything about Christianity in practice but they did go hard with the aesthetic#mvk would be Christian. he just would. he has that christan religious flair#i bet he like talked all the time about how laws come from religion#he like said one prayer about Gregory and thought he was fogiven and in no eay in the wrong#and Miles spent every fucking waking second there thinking he could never be forgiven for murdering his father#he probably becomes an atheist after he moves back to America because he needs that rational explanation for everything#but probably still thought he was damned because the only thing thay can over come Edgeworth's insistance on logic is his self hatred#fran probably had such a fucking complex about being a perfect Christian but it probably gets deconstructed eventually as she recovers#honestly i think its gone by 2-1 probably due to her father being a perfect christian but also a murderer#because she is really chill with channeling#it's probably something she loses when MVK dies
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Just wanted to say thank you for the ottosuba posting you've done lately. The English speaking fandom is absolutely barren with Otto content, let alone ottosuba content. So to have someone as awesome about it as you post via Tumblr posts, fanfic, fanart, etc. on a good(-ish) website like Tumblr is like finding a diamond in the rough. Anyhow, looking forward to any future ottosuba content from you!
(。・ω・。)ノ♡
anon you made my day fr these are very high compliments T^T <3 i appreciate it a lot pfft a part of me is always like "I CANT REVEAL HOW MUCH MY BRAIN IS ROTTING OVER THESE CHARACTERS..." bc i get a little embarassed a little shy bc what if i am posting the same things too much...??? but then i simultaneously go "lol my blog my rules anyway im gonna make a gazillion billion content *clicks post*" which is how all the otto and ottosuba content gets churned out alsdflj. especially bc - like you said - the english speaking fandom is a BARREN DESERT when it comes to otto and ottosuba content T^TT ive been thinking about it lately bc they seem to be a lot more popular in the japanese speaking fandom i think, but theres next to Nothing with the english speaking fandom :o interesting difference there.
but regardless :o yeah i keep making otto and ottosuba content bc i am in Desperate need of it... its a desert and i gotta feed myself too HAH theyve always been interesting to me but in the years ive been into rezero that Interest has skyrocketed bc of all the interesting developments pfft (and also the lack of english fancontent for them HAH). i just think theyre so underrated in the english fandom.... thank you for liking my stuff anon <3 :DD
#ask#also you made me remember that ive been otto(suba) posting in like so many mediums lajdfljsl#i ended up sneaking a bit of meta into these tags oops aljsdfljsf but.#also i just think otto and ottosubas feralness is super interesting and my taste in characters totally isnt predictable (i say this as a p#five shuake fan also. cries.) but also like. people in the english speaking side of the fandom dismiss otto a lot which is interesting to m#like its u know that typical fandom tendency to sometimes only see characters for how they look on the surface. and its also interesting b#ive also been seeing a few people like. almost kind of miss how toxic ottos being in arc 8??? and also ottos general. subaru obsession#things yeah. like why do people miss this stuff??? he literally says his reason for being / existence is to oppose subaru??? what sane#person does that lajdslfjsldfj what sane person is so ride or die theyd rather leave a whole country + their bffs daughter figure to die??#what sane person manipulates all their friends in order to save them??? understandable motive but literally insane lajsdlfjsld#yeah so anyway im super curious on why english vs japanese fandom have different attitudes towards otto and ottosuba HAH#being an emilia otto AND astrea fan is so weird bc people are so kind with the astreas usually and then being an emilia fan means suffering#through all the sexism and then being an otto fan is just going “YOU GUYS WERE FOOLED BY HIS SOFT BOY AESTHETICS???” and begging people to#remember that he cares about subaru. but that goes for many emilia camp members treatment in fanon.#and also yeah being a fan of almost any character in this fandom is suffering i think alsjdfljsd#granted i was also fooled by the soft boy aesthetics but that was way back when okay. i know now. hes my silly fucked up little guy now HAH
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Ok guys i need advice
I have this super small bookshelf in my wall right? and it has three shelves that arent rly big enough for anything, so my idea is to make each shelf into like a display area for a book/series/whatever
soooo what books should i do?
#i have three shelves but one is kinda already being used to display les mis#i say kinda cause its set up like a display but the only things on the shelf are the book and a bunch of cat themed items and flowers 😭#also the only reason im doing this is cause i have literally three bookshelves in my room and i dont own enough books to fill them all#so one is my actual bookshelf and two are my aesthetic ones lmao#sara speaks ⊹₊⟡
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i think ppl gotta get acquainted with the difference between systemic privilege and social privilege, which can overlap, but not always.
#a lot of the time when i feel like someone is 'privileged' even though ik they actually aren't its bc socially they are-#they have a social safety net. they dont gotta worry about their friends and/or family abandoning them. people generally like them. yknow?#and i think ppl take it for granted or act like its super easy to 'climb the social pyramid' even left leaning ppl act this way about it#(though its more of a subconscious thing rather than something directly acknowledged and thought about)#when in reality theres a lot of things other people can do to you to make it harder to have that same level of social privilege.#id say climbing the social pyramid specifically in left leaning spaces is nearly impossible. people designate a spot for you and you#p much stay there forever unless they can get some use out of you.#like im glad we're having these convos about systemic privilege but i think they're incomplete w/o considering this.#and dont come in here acting like 'its not as big of a deal' because clearly you dont understand how important companionship is for humans#social privilege also changes based on the setting. like... you could generally be liked by people outside of a certain group#but within that group you're seen as horrible irredeemable garbage and ignored and stomped on and spat on.#so then you have 0 social privilege within that group.#you have no sway. your voice doesnt count or matter. etc. etc.#and lets try a different more specific situation... lets say you're generally disliked by people around you and you go to this other group#of people that you heard was accepting of people like you... and you find you're hated there as well#kinda seems like you have 0 social privilege. so no safety net. no friends or family. no one likes you. you have no sway.#everyone ignores you. your voice doesnt count or matter......#and if you dont have a whole lot of systemic privilege either? life is gonna be pretty rough. who do you turn to for help?#if you have no systemic privilege but a lot of social privilege things are at least a bit better. you have friends to rely on. couches to#crash on. people who will bring you things you need. people who will help you when you need it most.#but what do you do if you have essentially neither? do you rot in the street bc someone thought you were just too cringe or w/e?#bc you didnt fit their Vibe or Aesthetic enough? because you didnt agree with every little thing they believe about something?#do you deserve to rot for the 'social crime' of being generally disliked?#even worse- what if theres not even a real reason people have to dislike you either. maybe if you were a bad person you'd feel it's#at least justified....... being left to rot and freeze to death..... for just being different..........#a lot of systemic privilege can come from social privilege too. like knowing the right person at the right time & becoming rich.
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druckmann's michael bay movie product placement garbage will never be the brilliance of end transmission, and misses the fucking point of sci-fi entirely...in just a teaser trailer. but what else do we expect from a hypocritical and spineless slime like him, really?
#thoughts about media#noooot tagging any fandom cause people STILL defend this guy#for context: he is pro Isn't Real#if you do a search on it. the first thing it will show you might be an older interview.#this interview suggests a somewhat self-critical perspective on the situation.#please search further. he made an instagram post around november-december of last year.#which unambiguously reveals his true position.#and it's why I call him a hypocrite. because he is.#any way. about the actual game...#well I have to say of it what I have to say about a lot of sci-fi we've seen in recent years...#it's soulless crap. it's the sci-fi aesthetic without any real meaning.#I don't praise end transmission like I do just because I am biased toward dbd.#it could not be clearer to me that very careful effort was made by the dbd team to not replicate harmful sci-fi tropes-#-seen in a lot of big white-made/written sci-fi. one of the most common of which being the exclusion of people who pioneered the genre.#end transmission has a blasian protagonist who isn't weirdly sexualised for no reason.#it asserts that capitalism is just an extension of colonialism and warns us how its divisiveness will destroy us all.#it explores the oppression of marginalised groups and the violence they face in this society.#it criticises the way we are sold our beliefs and values by corporations and corrupt governments.#it criticises the unethical practices of corporations and points out how they often do not suffer for their crimes.#all while not having any weird product placements telling us to go buy a model of vehicle most people cannot afford.#the most you could say negatively about it is that bhvr undermined the chapter's message by not nerfing MFT-#-solely so they could capitalise further off of the chapter.#but that's an Executive decision and not a decision made by the people who WROTE the chapter. or who designed gabe and hux.
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I'm so heavily anti-advertising that all pitches sound goofy silly to me/I can never take them seriously, so I have no idea how I'll manage to to advertise my game even if I do finally finish it soon-ish lol...
#Especially how so much modern media advertising is like... getting people excited about random tropes and stuff like#''Do you love enemies to lovers? Do you love sad stories that make you do a heckin CRY? Do you love big stupid dumbo muffin cake#sinnamon roll babies who are too good for this world? Have you ever wanted to read a blah blach blah" whatever stuff and it's like#... i cannot type that... I couldnt do it.. I couldn't even think of how to do it ghbjhbjh#I am such a literal person... Like I love when an advertisement is just like 'This product works well. Look at it. Buy it if you want. Ok'#You know what makes me want to read a book or watch a show or play a game? Reading a detailed plot synopsis or the full wiki page#for it and then deciding 'yeah I wouldnt mind sitting through seeing the events I just read about happen in more detail' lol#OR aesthetics. since I do often watch things JUST for the set/costume design. Sometimes I will watch stuff literally#just because I saw a picture of a costume in it that looked really cool and I want to sketch costume looks whilst watching#But aside from appearance like... little bullet point break downs of things that are in a story just ... do not do anything to me at all.#And i just hate 'selling' things to begin with. I don't want to have to convince people to like something.. they should just... like it...#LOL.. like.. just be born liking it. just like it automatically please. Dont make me beg to you like a weird little freak. So many commerci#als seem weirdly desperate and manipulative. Like those Truck/Car commercials that will have like a freaking dog crying and#a war vet in a wheelchair with the american flag in the background and a family hugging around a christmas tree or some shint and its#just like oh my GODDD... shut UPP.. you could literally not be MORE blantant about just trying to prey on peoples emotions to build#some sort of fabricated positive association with your product/brand.. begone.. Or brands having their own twitters where they post#~~relatable content~~ as a means of shallow audience endearment GGGRR..... ANYWAY.. hhrgh...................#Maybe that's something I can ask playtesters I guess like.. I feel like I don't know my own audience very well because I am not#much of a media person?? ironically.. Like I do enjoy MAKING media. But I've never been in a fandom. I've never read fanfiction. I've never#spent much time in those spaces. I've just never really had the inclination and don't personally derive much joy out of stuff like that#(since I'm already so focused on my OWN world and projects its like.. hard for me to even find the time and mental energy to expend on#others). Even when I finish a movie or game and really like it.. I just kind of like...move on? and don't really dwell on it much? At most#I will get into the worldbuilding of a piece of media and read the wiki for a while or watch Lore info or critical analysis videos. But I#never really care for or attach to the characters or the plot itself very much. So I feel like.. the way my brain works. I'm just not as#good at approaching things from that angle? Kind of like how if you're a lifelong vegetarian whos never eaten meat - you might#struggle to write an ad for fancy brand of steaks bc you'd be like... idk what meat eaters are even looking for? whats the selling point??#Which I'm not saying that I wouldn't play my own game. i AM definitely the audience for it. But it's more like.. I would play it for my own#very niche specific reasons that I think are different from what MOST people might want to play it for. So I need to somehow#tap into the minds of the Majority who play things for Normal Reasons than pure lore collection or whatever lol.
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tag rant but man i fuckin hate the new direction for loz
#its like. this is more on like. why is it bad that theres a zelda formula. why is it bad that all of the games follow this formula#that’s their identity??? like pokemon games and fire emblem games all have their own formulas so to say#and so thats their identity thats what you expect going in thats their niche their gameplay experience identity#and i just. really fucking hate how loz seems to be going the route of just. throwing shit at the wall and trying everything else#and nothing sticks so the more recent ones just feel like open world slop that dont excel at anything#so fuck this im going to play elden ring with a double jumping horse and great and challenging combat. i’ll play minecraft#yknow? and i dont understand why loz games feeling ‘similar’ is so fucking bad like???? every game series’ entries feel similar thats the#point yknow. if they suddenly made a fire emblem that was an fps for no reason other than to break convention and break away feom the#formula then what the fuck thats not even fire emblem any more. like. idk. i kinda just despise the newer stuff bc its so. middle of the#road whatever and has just about nothing i actually like and look for in the series. they dont have that niche identity any more#its a shift that just makes them like part of the open world white noise every aspect is honed down and done better in other games#its not like the formula causes every loz game to be really predictable or blend together fuck no#theyre still each very unique from each other even if they follow the same guidelines thats the fun???#like woah i wonder how the dungeons will differ what the new story and characters will be what new items#fucking hell boo hoo this game series’ games are similar to each other. almost as if they share the same central identity#absolutely just letting off steam and frustration here i hate when ppl treat the formula as a bad thing when it’s like. what makes them loz#like fuck its not like theyre exactly the same like i said theres a great deal of variety in what each one offers no need to just chuck it#all thats the kind of shit i come to loz for. i go to fire emblem for the specific leveling up strategy gameplay i go to pokemon for the#creature battling and specific world feel botw/totk just. do not carry with them the same signifiers of loz and they dont really have#identities beyond go do whatever the fuck which is not very compelling??? like can we at least commit to something here?#im yelling at shadows here im just. fuckin tired and feeling pessimistic abt this future of this game series whose core gameplay is one of#my all time favorites i really like the tightly designed linear-with-freedom dungeons and puzzles and world and all that#like the aesthetics changing is great and its fun to see different takes and tones on it but that core sense of things is like. The Point#of choosing to play loz yknow what i mean. like just bc its got ‘legend of zelda’ slapped on it doesnt gonna mean im gonna want to play a#vastly different experience if that makes sense. thats not the precedent thats not what you like. expect and associate with this#i feel like i sound like some entitled fuck abt this but like. is that tried and true style just going to be trashed in favor of this#honestly kinda bland everyman-ass style just bc it started to seem like it was getting stale. fuck this im gonna see what tunic’s about#likely delete later this was just a vent. ‘the zelda formula is a bad thing-‘ are you fucking serious rn#like hesitantly hopeful abt eow bc someone i know is excited for it so ill def play it but just. man
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┊❛🇬🇦🇱🇱🇪🇷🇾❜┊ - your names and your photos give you a unique identity ┊❛🇵🇸🇦❜┊ - you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute ┊❛🇸🇪🇱🇫 🇵🇷🇴🇲🇴❜┊ - if you're promoting anything say something ┊❛🇵🇷🇴🇲🇴❜┊ - passion without action is of little value ┊❛🇮🇳🇧🇴🇽 🇵🇷🇴🇲🇵🇹🇸❜┊ - there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you ┊❛🇲🇪🇹🇦❜┊ - knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom ┊❛🇶🇺🇪🇺🇪❜┊ - some letters R - S - T - U whilst following the Q ┊❛🇸🇦🇻🇪🇩❜┊ - that which goes in the heart is locked like a keepsake diary ┊❛🇷🇪🇫🇪🇷🇪🇳🇨🇪🇸❜┊ - do I forget or do I refuse to remember ┊❛🇸🇹🇦🇷🇹🇪🇷 🇨🇦🇱🇱❜┊ - the beginning is the most important part of the work ┊❛🇩🇦🇸🇭 🇨🇴🇲🇲❜┊ - have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub ┊❛🇩🇦🇸🇭 🇬🇦🇲🇪🇸❜┊ - no man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately ┊❛🇮🇳 🇨🇭🇦🇷🇦🇨🇹🇪🇷❜┊ - you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours ┊❛🇦🇸🇰 / 🇦🇳🇸🇼🇪🇷❜┊ - curiosity has its own reason for existence ┊❛🇲🇺🇸🇮🇳🇬🇸 / 🇦🇪🇸🇹🇭🇪🇹🇮🇨🇸❜┊ - behind every exquisite thing that existed there was something tragic
#┊❛gallery❜┊ - your names and your photos give you a unique identity#┊❛psa❜┊ - you can find something truly important in an ordinary minute#┊❛self promo❜┊ - if you're promoting anything say something#┊❛promo❜┊ - passion without action is of little value#┊❛inbox prompts❜┊ - there is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you#┊❛meta❜┊ - knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom#┊❛queue❜┊ - some letters R - S - T - U whilst following the Q#┊❛saved❜┊ - that which goes in the heart is locked like a keepsake diary#┊❛references❜┊ - do i forget or do i refuse to remember#┊❛starter call❜┊ - the beginning is the most important part of the work#┊❛dash comm❜┊ - have you ever heard a blindfolded octopus unwrap a cellophane-covered bathtub#┊❛dash games❜┊ - no man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately#┊❛in character❜┊ - you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours#┊❛ask / answer❜┊ - curiosity has its own reason for existence#┊❛musings / aesthetics❜┊ - behind every exquisite thing that existed there was something tragic
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Is too bad that dabbing wasnt a thing when Dancing Samurai was made. The PV totally would have Gakupo dabbing. But is ok. He's dabbing in my heart <3
#lodia sayings#this is like. a comfort song for me. i have endless opinions on it. so i post about it like ever so often.#ok heres one opinion just one.#one reason why i love this song so much other than i love Gakupo. ok sorry i said only one opinion but loving Gakupo isnt an opinion its a#universal fact- anyway.#the reason is that it really romanticizes lameness.#i really need in my life things that encourage and promote cringe so badly and it helps fill that niche for me <3#like i love cringe so much especially when it aligns with my aesthetics etc.#this song is doing societal work and helping me on a direct level. this is what my countrys government should be spending money on.#that would be efficient public service catering to ME.#on the other hand im a creature removed from human affairs i guess so nvm.#anyway. sarrey i went off a bit to the deep end here! im normal come closer :)#bye bye.
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for the horse asks: appaloosa?
Appaloosa - What's your favorite horse color(s)?
I don’t really have one but I LOVE when horses and ponies are what they’re supposed to be!
I’m also a huge fan of the primitive markings, and general Lascaux cave horse appearance.
So like I wouldn’t say flaxen chestnut is my favorite AT ALL, but the Haflinger!! . yes you are a cobby little horse with a big butt that needs to be a flaxen chestnut!! and everyone understands this. Perfect animal. No need to track changes. Also I do love when a horse has a bit of texture in their mane and tail, so respect to Haflingers for being the rare wavy-haired horsie. I don’t even like blondes so you see what I mean here about it just being the pure synergy of intention and form and style, the Haflinger just is perfectly complete.

And then a brunblakk fjord horse. The mealy muzzle. The dorsal stripe. Black ear tips. Someone from 20,000 years ago is grasping my hand across space and time and we are crying together about how perfect a thick little horsie can get. Granted the fjords always have the weirdest haircuts in the world, but you can see exactly why. This horse is so perfectly what it’s supposed to be that you can’t resist scrungling it a little bit. Also another animal that IS its name like: all Norwegian Fjords LOOK like the breed name is Norwegian Fjord, and they ARE all named things like Freya. As they should be. This is an animal that is exactly what it should be.
You know how horse people compliment each other’s horses by saying they have a kind eye? It’s hard not to have a Kind Eye if you are a brunblakk Norwegian Fjord.

And of course, my baby, my darling, my moorland mousie, the feral shaggy brown/bay with mealy markings that is the Exmoor Pony. You look at this tubby beastie and you say YES. YES YOU ARE BORN TO BE A LITTLE BEASTIE ENCOUNTERED SUDDENLY ON A MISTY MOOR . The sculpting of the contour colours! Some sculpture artist would spend hours with an airbrush trying to do that! and they just wake up in the morning , eyeliner: on, eyeshadow: on, lipstick: on, cheeks: contoured, muzzle: mealy, dapples subtle, ready to go. Can’t even see their eyes half the time, but underneath 25 pounds of luscious pelted mane they’re wearing natural mascara. And for what? Living full time on rocks in the rain, baby!! This is a cave painting horse and it always will be!

The reverse of that of course is horses who Shouldn’t Be That Color. For example I am a little bit upset by this chestnut Shire, who isn’t a flaxen chestnut and probably should be. What are you doing baby? You need some leg markings sweetheart. Can we just dye your mane and tail black maybe, you have bay energy. Ughhhhh I’m trying not to be prescriptive. Ughhhh all horses are beautiful and beauty standards are fake but ———— - sweet child we HAVE to style you somehow!!!! You are a Shire!!!!! WHAT IS THIS??

And I love - LOVE! - a grulla/grullo. Obvious reasons: I like primitive markings, and I have the aesthetic taste of a small child. Who doesn’t secretly love a deviantart sparklehorse?
but I will be the first to admit that it is a razor’s edge between a really lovely grulla horse who reaches back to touch our shared history and knowledge of ourselves, an unbroken thread of beauty that should be painted in a cave under an ancient mountain, like a jewel of the earth: and a necromantic vessel that was bred to encourage possession by evil ghosts, to be harvested regularly and sold at retail prices by some midwestern white woman as part of some tortuous work-from-home scheme. And I do understand this. I know this about myself and about grullas. Like, this one is a horse that probably shouldn’t - we probably shouldn’t have done this. You know?

Do not ask about cremellos.
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Frat Boy!Gojo
Cosmopolitan: sober thoughts
Word Count: 6.1k Contents: their first date, cursing, a little angsty, but mostly fluffy, not proofread (barely skimmed this so again, dunno how much sense it makes)
“Before you get any bright ideas, just know I’m sharing my location with at least ten people.”
Whistling, the biggest pain in your ass saunters over to you
The moon is full, a big white orb that would otherwise bring you a lot of peace to look at but right now, only pisses you off for reasons you’d rather not spend too much time pondering. Rarely anyone comes around these parts; it’s at the very edge of the city, a half-hour drive from campus, and surrounded by miles of dull, old suburbia. You’re standing in front of a metal gate, slightly taller than you, with vines wrapping around the pickets. It swings slowly with every gust of wind, creaking before it meets the stone wall with a bang.
Gojo grimaces.
“Seriously, did you have to choose the scariest place in all of Eden? I mean, I respect the commitment to the aesthetic, but this is just crazy,” he grumbles, eyeing the cathedral from its huge marble pillars to the sharp spires piercing the night sky.
You roll your eyes. Trust him to leave the date planning to you just to complain every step of the way. You’re already regretting playing along with whatever games he’s conjured up this time, but at least you’ve got home turf advantage; you know this place like the back of your hand. There won’t be any surprises happening tonight.
Without replying, you walk off, heading straight through the gate.
“Hey, wait! Don’t leave me here. I don’t want to end up as a statistic.”
Shrugging, you say, “If you’re scared, you can go back home.”
When he doesn’t say a thing and follows you, you smile. You win. But that feeling of victory doesn’t last very long because then he starts muttering about the cobwebs and how they’re everywhere, then about the tombstones, how they’re so messy with moss covering the engravings and that ‘the spirits must definitely be like so mad about all that’, and when you don’t respond to any of his musings, he even complains about the eerie music foreshadowing his pending doom, like in Jaws.
There is no music.
“Where are we even going?” He pokes your shoulder, snatching his hand back faster than you can swat at it. “I thought we were going to, I don’t know, have a picnic under the stars and cuddle on top of someone’s grave, like Mary Shelley did.”
“How the fuck do you even know about that?”
Gojo lifts one shoulder. “Must have heard it online or something.”
You roll your eyes again — you have a feeling you’ll be doing a lot of that tonight, maybe even for the rest of your life if things go the way your parents plan. When you had first found out the village idiot is the president of the most sought-after fraternity of the most prestigious university in the country, you thought maybe no one else had stepped up. But then you found out he’s a Legacy --the Gojos have governed that fraternity since its conception -- and well, the pieces fell into place.
Mischief no doubt sparkling in your eyes, you look at him over your shoulder. His eyes are full of suspicion and when they meet yours, he becomes even more doubtful of your intentions. With a grin, you whisper, “We’re going someplace no one will hear you scream.”
“Kinky.”
That didn’t have the desired effect. How annoying. Though you don’t fail to notice how he moves in closer to you, his warmth radiating to your body through your black, fur cloak. You don’t shift away.
Gesturing for him to follow you through a gap in a wooden fence, you squeeze through to avoid splinters, pulling at your dress when a piece of lace catches on a nail. Just as you’re about to offer advice on how to contort his body to get through, he climbs over the fence and lands on his feet without stumbling, all in one quick sweep, like he’s who wanders these hallowed grounds at night and not you.
“What?” He asks when he spots your glare.
Not even those stupid sunglasses are out of place. Very annoying, indeed.
“Come quickly,” you bark, fixing your silk gloves to cover more of your skin as the chill settles in. It’s only six in the evening, and yet there’s no hint of light in the broad expanse above you, just the moon and the stars lighting your way, and occasionally your companion’s phone flashlight when he needs to look at what he’s stepped in.
He laughs. “No one’s ever said that to me before.”
“Do you make it a habit to talk about your sex life with a girl on a first date?”
“You’re the first, so not a habit. Not yet anyways.”
Screeching to a halt, your hand clutches his elbow to still him. Your jaw is slack and you’re staring, completely disbelieving. “There’s no way this is your first date. You took that girl to the casino.”
Gojo stares off into the distance as he ponders the notion, fingers tapping his chin. Then, he insists, “No, it really is my first date. And anyways, I don’t consider that night a date; she pretty much invited herself along. It was more like I was just taking her to the casino as her escort. Or maybe that does count as a date. If so, then I’ve been on a lot of dates. But none where I’ve actually used the word date. Does that even matter because —“
You wave a hand in front of his face to cut off his rambling; he talks way too much. “So, you’re telling me, I’m the first girl you’ve ever asked out on a date? That’s insane, Gojo. You hate me.”
“I don’t hate you,” he protests with a frown.
“You sure acted like you did for months,” you counter.
He insists, “I don’t hate you. Never did. I just acted out but yeah, I’m sorry. I was a dick.”
Clearing your throat, you straighten up and continue walking. “It’s fine. Water under the bridge.”
“You sure? ‘Cause I can get on my knees and beg.”
“Don’t tempt me, Gojo.”
He catches up to you and hums a playful tune, his light mood returning; Serious Gojo is gone like he never existed. “Guess that’s what you’re into, huh?”
“You’ll never know,” you snort, pushing a branch away from your face and letting it snap back into his chest, he yelps.
His hand reaches past you, lifting a thicker branch high above the both of you, before leaning close to your ear and whispering conspiratorially, “We’ll see.”
Disregarding the shiver than runs through you, you push on, moving almost on muscle memory alone. Your mind is attempting to distract itself by scanning the area, being careful not to be caught on church grounds after hours, pushing through the woodland to get to the clearing tucked away at the very back, where you go for peace and quiet.
Truthfully, you have no idea why you decided to have this date here, of all places. This place is sacred. Literally but also figuratively — this is the place you always ran to when the world got a little too loud, a little too busy and bright for you. No one else knows about this haven as far as you’re aware and you always thought you’d do anything to keep it that way. And yet, you’re showing it to him. Actually, guiding him to the place.
You should have at least blindfolded him so he couldn’t memorise the way.
Maybe you wanted to spite him by living up to his expectations and being the gothic monster that he thinks you are -- you want to scare him off before he lets his curiosity take him too close to something that might scald him. He needs to be afraid of you.
Or maybe you recognised that shadow in his eyes, the ones that suggests he’s lost as much sleep about this whole farce as you and thought he could do with a little silence.
You both arrive at a thick bush, a massive wall of a shrub towering over even Gojo. Behind you, the cathedral is only a blob, lit up by lanterns, whereas you’re both submerged in darkness; there are no streetlamps here.
“I’m totally going to be murdered here, aren’t I?” He whistles as if to say, ‘it’s been a good life, and I’ll have to just accept my fate’.
“Yeah, I was lying when I said it was all water under the bridge. I’ve actually been colluding with the devil to sacrifice your white ass.”
Gojo laughs.
He laughs a lot, but rarely like this, you note. He chuckles when his friends do something stupid like push him into the fountain, and he snorts when he reads the most recent article on The Bulletin. But you’ve never really seen him throw his head back and clutch his stomach, at least not with anyone but you. He does it when you get caught texting him under the dinner table, when you give him the middle finger from across the Quad, and that one time you bumped into him in the hallway and almost apologised before you realised it was him.
It’s the kind of laugh that’s infectious, and you hoped every time he does it that you’re somehow immune. However, when he looks at you with a brightening sparkle in his eyes, you realise you’re very much not.
You clear your throat again.
“Through here, is a very special place. You must swear you will not desecrate this place, lest the Mother Crone curse you for your treachery,” you announce, wiggling your fingers at him for extra flair.
Placing a hand on his heart, he stomps his foot like a soldier and swears, “I would never. I will take this secret to the grave.”
Satisfied, you grab the loose part of the hedge wall and pull it aside to reveal the little doorway to your secret hideout. He throws you a side glance before he ducks down and enters. You follow behind him, tucking the disguised door behind you.
He doesn’t say a thing as you zoom to the side where you grope for something in the grass, right under part of the hedge. When you feel the smooth, cold plastic, you don’t hesitate to switch it on.
Long wires of fairy lights light up, bulb by bulb, along the top of the hedge and down, like a really wide Christmas tree circling the hidden clearing. You hear him mutter a ‘woah’ under his breath as he scans the area — there’s only one thing here on the flat ground, it’s also lit up fairy lights along the top pole. It’s your most prized possession.
“You have a swing?” He shouts incredulously. Giggling like a child, he makes a run for it, jumping onto one of the two seats where he rocks back and forth on his feet. Then he’s whooping as he swings higher and higher, hair whooshing back and forth as he grins, taking in the cold autumnal air and the growing warmth of the lights. “This is freaking awesome!”
Sitting on the spare seat, you kick your feet gently so you can swing a little. Deep down there was a worry festering within, anxious that he would find this place boring, that he’d scoff at your idea of fun especially on a first date, but looking up at him, still hollering and grinning, you think, that was such a silly thought.
Gojo slows to a mild back and forth momentum and wonders, “Are you sure I’m allowed to be here? This place seems pretty private, like your own mancave or something. Do girls have a version of a mancave? ‘Womancave?”
In the corner of your eye, you see him clamber down to sit as you answer his question. “I wouldn’t have taken you here if you weren’t allowed, dumbass.”
“Yeah, well, I’m still not convinced this isn’t an elaborate scheme to murder me and hide my body in a grave.”
“Neither.” You shrug.
He laughs.
Eventually, you both swing side by side, alternating up and then down. The wind is howling a little, rustling the trees surrounding you and the moon’s obscured by dark cloud. Neither you nor he say anything to break the silence. You were also worried that you’d come to hate his presence in your safe space, finding his tall, lanky presence an irritation, but surprisingly, you don’t mind it.
It’s nice to have company.
Especially when that company is keeping his mouth shut.
“How often do you come here?”
Or not.
With a sigh, you reply, “Like twice a week. I can’t come as often as I’d like because of all the classes and stuff, not to mention all the wedding planning we have to do.”
“Guess you have it worse than me since I don’t even need to be fitted for a suit; they already have my measurements,” he muses.
“For whatever reason, it’s always the women who have to plan these things, even though it’s the men that propose.” You accidentally make eye contact with him. “Or at least, that’s how it usually goes.”
Gojo hums, a little sheepishly, before he changes the subject. “So, how did you find this place?”
“We buried my grandmother in the graveyard when I was fifteen. We were close and I took the loss pretty hard. I couldn’t stand all the people pretending they cared so I ran off, got lost and found this clearing. Well, I actually fell through the hedge, but I found it, nonetheless. And this swing was here already. I don’t know how long it’s been here or why it’s here, but it is.”
“That sounds like a fairytale.” He swivels, swinging a long leg over to straddle the seat, facing you as he leans back against the metal chain. “I’m sorry for your loss, by the way. I lost my grandmother too and it was rough.”
You saw that on the news years ago, it was one of those private family events that make the national headlines by complete virtue of the family name. Your parents grieved in public like it was their own loss and you didn’t understand why. Of course, as you got older, you became more and more acquainted with the idea of ‘reputation’ and ‘public image’, but you still feel that same distance to the concept as you did when you were but a child.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” you repeat back to him.
He shrugs. “It’s alright. I’ve got my gramps. We’re best buddies.”
“You have a lot of best buds, don’t you?”
Gojo strikes you as the kind of guy who makes friends easily, thought you question the depth of most of those friendships; sincerity is a rare phenomenon in your world.
“No,” he huffs, “I have Suguru, the girl that gave you my number, and gramps. I have lots of close friends, though.”
Considering his words, you realise you don’t have any best friends. Sure, you have friends you hang out with often, people that share your interest, that you can party with, but none you feel as strongly about as he does with those three people. You can hear it in his voice, the conviction, the pride, the confidence. And when you glance at him, you know he doesn’t even realise how defensive he sounds about his people.
How nice it must be to have someone like him as a friend.
“We could be friends, if you’d like,” he offers, and when you look at him with confusion, he adds, “You said it out loud, silly. You think I’m a good person to be friends with. Which, of course I am. I’m like super awesome.”
You burst out laughing. What he said isn’t even funny and he certainly doesn’t mean for it to be, but for some reason it is. So, you laugh, throwing your head back and clutching your stomach. He makes noises of complaints, telling you it’s rude to laugh at people. That makes you laugh harder.
“Gojo, be serious for a second. We can’t be friends, idiot,” you push out between puffs of laughter.
He frowns, lips twitching to fight back a smile at your flushed face. “Why not? We’re getting along fine right now, aren’t we?”
“Yeah, for now. But we’re going to be married. Or at least, we’re supposed to be. And think of all the complications that brings, it just doesn’t provide the conditions for a healthy friendship, especially considering our beginning. Think of all the people in our circle who had arranged marriages. How many of them get along? Like, really get along. Hell! Think about our parents.”
“Well, we could be different. We don’t have to end up like them. We can break the cycle or something.”
You stop laughing.
Something shifts in the air, like the moon’s reappeared, the wind’s slowed down, and his eyes shine just a little brighter. It’s sudden and you almost don’t notice it, almost shrug it off. But there’s a sincerity lingering between you and it demands your attention.
Fixing him a solemn look, perhaps similar to the one he gave you before, you assert, “That sounds an awful like an admission of surrender, Gojo.”
“Maybe it is.”
The speed at which he concedes, the sheer resolution in his eyes and the way he doesn’t falter when he says it all scream at you something you won’t accept. Can’t.
He grips your elbow, his long fingers wrapping around the limb with ease, demanding your attention. The sombre expression on his ghostly face haunts you. It’s like he’s shifted into a different person, into someone years older, a man burdened with great responsibility.
“I’m sorry. About how I started this year off. I regretted everything I said as soon as I said them. I can’t even remember why I said and did those things, but I definitely don’t have a good reason,” he rasped, a desperation lacing his words like he needs you to understand, like he tosses and turns over it. “I know you’re just as much a victim of this as I am, but I was facing a problem I didn’t know to solve, and I lashed out. At you. At someone who didn’t deserve it. And I’m sorry.”
You reel back, snatching your arm away. His touch burns the way ice does, and you have to rub warmth back into it, despite the layers between your skin and his. The sincerity in his eyes is alien, revealing far more about the ongoings of reality than you can absorb in one night. Confusingly, your heart is pounding to the beat of a song you’ve never heard before.
This date thing, taking him to your secret haven, giving him the opportunity to see you not as the enemy but rather as a woman was a mistake. It’s all one big mistake. It would have been fine if he had stayed as the Gojo you knew, the boisterous, obnoxious party animal that cares only about immediate gratification. But the man in front of you is not someone you can marry. He isn’t the type of man you can be around and feel absolutely nothing for.
“I’m hungry,” you mutter, standing abruptly.
He looks up at you, something passing in his eyes, almost akin to disappointment or sadness, and you can’t bear to think about what that could mean, so you simply gesture for him to follow you.
In silence, you walk back the way you came, using your phone’s flashlight to navigate through the thick haze of darkness. This was a mistake; you let him in for a second, gave him a glimpse into your life, and you aren’t even sure why. Was it because you could hear your mother’s voice telling you to do whatever it takes to drag the man to the altar or because, despite yourself, you actually wanted to see what going on a date with Gojo means?
Maybe it was both.
Or neither.
You’re losing more and more of yourself these days, doing things you’d never thought you’d do for one reason or another, and you no longer even know what you want. Your pride or your family? A marriage with Gojo or the friendship he’s offering? Is there’s a third option.
“What’d you wanna eat?” He asks, rocking back and forth on his feet as he stares up at a streetlight.
You’ve both made it back onto the main road, the swings a mile away. He didn’t press the topic more, simply walked beside you and pushed branches away like before.
It’s nearing eight in the evening and your stomach growls.
“Who said I’m eating with you?”
Gojo rolls his eyes and pokes your shoulder. With a sulky tone, he groans, “Don’t be mean. You’re hungry, I’m hungry, let’s eat. Simple!”
“Can you cook?”
He beams, sunglasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he looks at you over them, bright eyes sparkling with what you can only guess to be mischief. You realise you really should think before you speak.
—
That’s how you find yourself in his frat house kitchen, cloak discarded, hair up and gloves off. His frat members are out, partying, he claims, so the whole house is free. When he suggested it, you looked at him like he was insane, but he only wiggled his brows.
“You scared?” He cocked his head, grinning at you in a way that made you want to punch his teeth in.
Narrowing your eyes at him, you responded, “No, of course not.”
Gojo bent his arms and rocked his head, making clucking noises that echoed in the empty street. Every note pierced your body, mocking and goading. You knew exactly what he was doing, and it was fucking working, the stupid bastard. Without responding to his accusation, you stomped over to his car and gave him a glare. He fetched his car keys and spun them on his finger with a victorious whistle.
“Grate this,” he orders.
His kitchen is huge, which is understandable for the size of the house and how many people live here. Apparently, there’s three more kitchens in the damn place, not that you believe even a quarter of the guys that live here know what a cutting board is. The kitchen is surprisingly clean, however. It’s sparkling clean.
“We have cleaners that comes in every other day,” he chuckles, noticing your looks of complete judgement whilst he boils some pasta. “But we are pretty strict on cleanliness, regardless. And everyone knows, I’m not afraid to crack the whip to keep everyone in line.”
Scoffing, you clarify, “You? Cracking whips? I find that hard to believe.”
He leans against the island you’re stationed at, the sound of water simmering filling the small space between you. Watching you grate the cheese, he hums, fingers fiddling with the lace of your sleeve. He mutters, “I know how to be serious when I need to be.”
You hum too.
Still fiddling with the fabric, you ignore his wandering hand, fingers slipping under to roll the soft lace between his fingertips. Goosebumps rise on your skin. His touch is tentative, hesitant and gentle — one would think he’s just afraid to snag the fabric, acknowledging the craftsmanship, but one glance up at him, seeing his gaze fixated on your exposed skin more than your sleeve, you know otherwise.
“Hands to yourself, Geralt.”
“If I’m Geralt, that must make you Yennefer,” he retorts. With a laugh, he pulls away, returning to the stove to tend to the pasta sauce. You don’t realise how much warmth he generated until you feel a sudden draught.
The smell of frying onions and garlic is delicious and you’re becoming more and more starved by the second. He’s agile, moving swiftly and on muscle memory as he opens drawers and cabinets to gather the things he needs.
“How often do you cook?” You ask, arm getting tired from the motion of grating the block of cheese.
Gojo shrugs and admits, “Not as often as I’d like. Weekends are for parties and pizza and all the other days, everyone’s doing their thing, studying or whatever, and eating by myself is kinda sad, so I just eat out usually.”
“How is it possible that you eat out so often but still remain so skinny?”
That was apparently the wrong thing to say because the next thing you know you’re being spun around and pressed into the island with a hard body. His arms are caging you in, keeping you still as he grins at you.
He had thrown his jacket by the door when you both walked in; his biceps bulge as he flexes. They’re so much bigger now, or maybe they were always like that. And he’s pressed so close his Adam’s apple is right in front of you, bobbing when you tilt your head back so you can meet his eyes.
“I’m plenty jacked, actually,” he brags and to add salt to the wound, he leans down, cheek brushing against yours to whisper against your ear, “wifey.”
You shove him off, snorting at his lame line. He back away with little protest. Trying to hide the heat in your face, you wash your hands, turning away from him completely.
The rest of the hour passes by in a blink of an eye, and you finally sit down at the dining table across from each other. He’s a decent cook and you pay him a compliment even though it physically hurt to do so.
“Do you not cook very often?”
“I make sandwiches and ramen, that’s as far as I know how to do,” you admit with no shame.
He pours you a cup of water and asks, “Do you not have a chef to pre-make meals for you? My father insisted I have one, but I complained to my gramps about the lack of privacy and independence, and he gave up pretty quickly.”
You pause. It’s a stupid question to ask someone, from anyone else it’d drip in condescension, but you know he’s genuinely asking and it’s a valid question, just not one you’re ready to answer. So, with a careful shrug, you say simply, “I’m fine with the way things are.”
Gojo doesn’t sense the tense quiver of your voice, or if he does, he has enough tact to ignore it, so he continues the conversation. He talks to you about what being a frat president entails, and you tell him your experiences as the Treasurer.
He also shares stories of his friends: the time ‘the gang’ snuck into the gym to put shaving cream in Toji’s locker after he had his room bubbled wrapped down to every single pair of boxers, each and every one of his friends’ drunk habits, and how he’s actually a lightweight so he sticks to beers most of the time but he hates the taste and actually much prefer cocktails.
“Wait, wait,” you say between laughs, “you drink cosmos in secret ‘cause you don’t want your frat mates knowing their president actually hates beer?”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. But it isn’t my fault those things taste like wheat piss!”
You laugh harder. “They do! They totally do!”
“Has anyone ever said you have a pretty la—“
“Woah!” A voice yells out. “What’s going on here?”
You both turn to look at the wide-open door. Two men walk in, they’re in gym clothes, wide toothy grins on their faces as they stare between you and their president. You recognise them as second years, often hanging around Gojo in pictures or loitering in the Quad.
One guy, a fake blond, wolf whistles when he sees you. “Satoru, you didn’t tell us you were having a girl over. It’s been a while; we rarely even see your bestie nowadays.”
“Yeah, this is a sight for sore eyes. This place was getting too much hotdog and not enough buns, if you know what I mean.”
When they both guffaw, you grimace. Their voices are grating, like sharp notes, and despite yourself, you cower in your seat. You hate the way they’re looking at you, in half desire and half repulsion — they’re enjoying the sight of a woman in their space, but they don’t know what to make of your attire. Usually, you don’t let people like them get to you, not their comments and not their stares. But something’s different, you’re more sensitive, less guarded.
“Isn’t she your fiancé? We’ve heard all about her. The girls from Delta Sigma said she dresses like a witch, and well, they aren’t entirely wrong.”
“Get out.”
Three heads turn. Gojo’s standing; you hadn’t seen him move. He’s leaning on his fingertips, head hanging as he stares at his empty plate. No one says a thing. There’s no air in here anymore. Only silence, a grim, gut-wrenching silence.
They stammer. “H-hey, man. What’s wrong?”
“Get. Out.”
“Come on, we’re just messing around,” the fake blonde chuckles nervously.
Gojo looks up, slowly, like a creaking door. When his eyes settle on them, they stagger back with the force of his disappointment, and again with his wrath. Though you feel the tendrils of that infinite space between you, you don’t bear its impossible weight.
With his body tense, veins bulging along his arms, broad shoulders pushed back ready for something you can’t quite grasp in this moment, you realise he really is jacked. And those muscles aren’t just for show or pressing girls against marble countertops.
As great as it would be to be his friend, it’s even greater to not be his enemy. You didn’t realise it then, but you do now, if Gojo had ever really wanted to make someone disappear, he probably could have done so.
“You would do well to remember that I, as descendent of the founder of Alpha Phi Delta, have a right to terminate any fraternity brother’s membership without a need for sufficient cause. Just because I’ve never exploited that clause doesn’t mean I’m above it. So, get out. Now.”
Cheeks red and heads hung low, they walk back out without sparing you another glance.
Gojo sits back down, shoulders still tense.
The silence hasn’t disappeared, but it has lightened, much more tolerable now. With an uncertainty in your movements, you push your knife and fork together and pat your lips dry.
“Well, this has certainly been an eventful night,” you say. “I really ought to go, though.”
Gojo nods and takes your plate, leaving to go to the kitchen whilst you freshen up in the bathroom.
When you come out, he’s already waiting outside with his hands tucked in his pockets, staring up at puffs of clouds he breathes into the night sky. There’s a sombre air around him, like you’re better off not disturbing him, but when he spots you from the corner of his eye, that air evaporates and he beams, literally brightens, practically shadowing the moon.
“Hey, come on, I’ll drive you to your dorm,” he asserts with a smile.
And he does. You get into his car for the second time of the night and watch the campus blur past you. Through the ten-minute car ride, he sings along to the pop songs on the radio, bopping his head to every beat like they’re coursing through his veins.
“You don’t know these songs? Really?”
He’s completely incredulous, looking at you as if you’ve grown two heads. You roll your eyes and jokingly explain you’re committed to the aesthetic. He finds that funny. The rest of the ride continues wordlessly.
“Alright, this is me,” you announce when he parks. He climbs out the car with you, leaning against his door as you shuffle awkwardly on your feet. “Despite certain parts of the time being…stiff, should we say, I had a lot of fun. Surprisingly.”
A tinge of red colours the tips of his ears. “Yeah, me too. I expected to lose my life, or at least a few limbs, at that graveyard, so I’m pretty happy with the turnout.”
You roll your eyes. “And I’m very happy I’m not covered in pig’s blood coming out of your frat house.”
“No, closest we had to that was the pasta sauce,” he chuckles.
“Which was surprisingly delicious, by the way. You should cook more often instead of the junk food you eat.”
“Says you?” He pushes your shoulder lightly. “Miss Cup Noodles.”
“Whatever.”
The conversation dies there, laughter fading as both of you eye the doors of your dorm building. You pull your cloak tighter around you, irritated that, even though he’s just in jeans and a plain graphic tee, he’s seemingly unbothered by the temperature drop.
“You should go in,” Gojo suggests, voice softer, barely louder than a whisper.
You nod and make a step to go, but then a warm hand wraps around your wrist, tugging you back. He’s carrying the weight of it in his palm, thumb grazing your wrist. There’s electricity thrumming where he touches and you’re about to snatch your hand away before he tightens his grip.
“Just a second,” he mutters, before pulling out something from his pockets. Something black.
Your gloves.
You forgot to put them on, having left them in the kitchen.
He’s taking his time, smoothing the material over your knuckles, ensuring your fingers are tucked in properly. His thumb lingers on the curve of each finger, exploring the slopes. Your breath hitches as his hands envelope yours completely, his touch deliberate and light and there’s no other way to describe it: it’s positively reverent.
The glove slide snugly into place, a second skin but they feel new, as if fresh from the machine, still warm.
You shouldn’t let him reach for your other hand, shouldn’t just watch as he unfolds the other glove, slipping it on with much more care than you yourself had ever done. His eyes are watching the fabric consume more and more of your skin, until they meet the ends of your sleeve, and no skin remains.
“Gojo,” you breathe out.
He shakes his head, brows furrowing. “Satoru. Call me Satoru.”
When he finally looks up, your eyes meet and your pulse quickens, quick and short breaths pulling your chest up and down. You didn’t even realise one hand is clutching his shoulder whilst the other remains in his grip. And you certainly don’t notice that you’re standing much closer than before, only a hair’s breadth from finding out whether his lips are as soft and plush as his touch.
“You smell really nice,” he whispers, thumb running across your knuckles, like he’s willing warmth into your hand.
You’re so close it only takes one gust of wind to push you together, to taste what a future with him could mean, to seal the first date with something that’ll keep you up at night. Just one kiss, one bad decision and everything could fade away for a second. You could pretend he’s just a boy and you’re just a girl and this is a normal date, that you have a normal relationship and tomorrow you could go back to being arranged lovers.
His lashes flutter, so long and wispy and you’re jealous. Flickering between your eyes and your lips, you know he’s searching for any sign that you might want this just as bad as he does. You’re craning your head back, back arched to reach him, and when your chest rubs against his for a millisecond, he shuts his eyes with a groan.
“Hey! If it isn’t Gojo,” a gruff voice bellows.
You step back, gasping for air and desperately smoothing your skirt down as you give a shaky smile to the newcomer. He’s a tall, buff man wearing shorts and carrying a basketball. He pats Gojo on the back, oblivious to the tension, to the way his friend is pouting, grumbling about how he ‘ruined the moment.’
The man looks at you with a friendly enough smile, eyeing your appearance with nothing more than curiosity before he gives you one of those manly nods.
“Whatcha doing at my girl’s dorm?” He asks.
Clearing his throat, Gojo answers, “Just dropping my wi—I mean, my friend off. Yeah, just stopping by.”
The guy doesn’t look ready to stop talking. So you take the initiative to excuse yourself with an awkward kiss on the white-haired boy’s cheek and you whisper, “Goodnight...Satoru.”
You don’t wait for him to reply.
Just as you’re about to enter your dorm building, you hear a distinct, “Dude, I totally cockblocked you, didn’t I? Fuck, put that thing away. You’re gonna poke my fucking eyes out!”
You smile just as your phone pings.
#jjk fluff#Gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#jjk crack#jjk x you#gojo satoru#modern au
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