#its like i forget every morning
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this is an everyday occurrence for me. 😂
crazy how that stuff works
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forced myself to wake up and leave my warm cozy blanky at 3:30 am in the winter to speedrun my syllabus because they gave us 12 hours to prep for our endsem are yall proud of me
#not to mention ive baaaaarely gotten sleep the past few nights because its been back 2 back exams every day#forget afternoon naps i havent even been getting more than 4 hours at NIGHT#and i am a bitch that values sleep above all else#and i got no time to prep the syllabus beforehand because of all our never ending fucking assignments#including yk. the full fledged GAME they made us code from scratch in 3 weeks without teaching us anyyy of the required tools or languages#literally speedran an entire math course with everything from number theory and graph theory to fucking induction and combinatorics#in like. 4 hours and gave my endsem NOT EVEN 12 HOURS BACK AND IT WAS 50% OF OUR FUCKING GRADE#and now i have to do it againnn for the third exam in a row at 9:30 in the fucking morning#which btw i realized LAST NIGHT. because our datesheet said the exam was at 2:30 but theyre doing it in batches#so i dont even have the morning to revise and need to pull this shit#AND THEN EVEN FOR THE COURSES WHERE I SOMEHOW COVER THE ENTIRE SYLLABUS THOROUGHLY THEY WILL GIVE THE MOST OUT OF POCKET BULLSHIT#THAT YOUVE NEVER HEARD OF IN YOUR LIFE#and after THIS exam i have to speedrun linear algebra and teach it to a bunch of kids by tomorrow morning#granted that one is on me because i couldve said no but ugh#college hateposting#in other news my ex crush wore a suit yesterday and she looked so hot she almost made me relapse into lesbianism#but i digresssssss#x am rambles#man ive missed ranting about shit on tumblr i should come back here more often
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Ty for 400!
It may be 1:30am, but honestly, I just felt like I wanted to write this. Thank you for 400 followers!! That's crazy. I'm super thankful, and honestly, it means a lot to me! <3 super excited for more to come, I hope my moodboards rn are up to standards!
I'm not tagging anyone this time since I don't want to disturb everyone every time I write one of these. Just know all my mooties and idols r amazing, and I love them. You guys know who you are, ily 💕
Just a boring text post for this milestone post cuz I can't be bothered rn ahh
Teeny Itty bitty vent in tags since I can't get my life tghtr rn erm! Don't feel pressured to read it, idrc ig?? 😭😭
#lil vent i will most def regret in the morning#im not quitting just tired ig? social media and my lack of motivation r just dragging me thru the mud brutally and thats why im slow postin#i literally cannot handle seeing pepple from discord that despise me from when i used to gossip and a bunch of stuff on there#im gonna prob delete the song req stuff in my inbox. im so done w it. js like the event prizes#i want to still provide the full prizes#but its so much work and im unmotivated so ill do it eventually :(#i dont rlly think ill makr an event anyrime soon cuz it kind sucks aaahh#my moots nd friends on here the only reason i havent quit bc im burnt out by myself i only live off the interactions i have on here#i dont know what else to say i just wanna like forget any accounts on anywhere from me every existed cuz im not a good decision maker at al#i'll be normal in the morning probably hahaaha#tysm for the support anyway
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having to explain to people things like. if i have to go out to do something and run errands i need to have it all mapped out and planned w like. at least a week in advance. and if i go out that day i cannot do anything else because That will be it. if i have multiple commitments that cannot be put on the same day i need one full day in between those commitments so i can rest and be recharged for that next thing otherwise i might have a breakdown in the middle of the street (again) and then That will render me unable to function for like a whole three days. and then people look at me like i choose to live like this?
#txt#audhd tag#just venting a little#its crazy because ppl around me are like I understand your limitations However why dont you-#So you dont understand my limitations?#like okay yeah i understand that it must be Weird for people that are not Inside my brain and hard to understand that i PHYSICALLY CANNOT>#do things that they dont even think about. alright! but to sit and tell me Yeah we get it! but then try to either fix it or >#> come up w a New Incredible Way To Fix Me as if half of what i talk abt w my therapist isnt Exactly This#like yeah i dont fucking like it either. i wish i could do shit like other ppl do. i wish i could remember things.#i wish i didnt feel exhausted all the time i wish simply leaving my bed wasnt the most difficult task every single morning#but it pisses me OFF when people try to talk me through these Limitations i have that They Understand<3 like. can you be accommodating or no#one of my closest friends and oldest friends since i was like 5 had her bday on friday and she ljterally messaged me like#Hi we r having something w my family but theyre rly loud and extremist on the right wing side and i barely wanna be here u dont have 2 come>#> but i wanted to invite u anyway so u dont think ur being left out! and i was like Yayy nice thank u bc lbr i probably wouldnt go anyway.#and she KNOWS that. and she literally was talking to me like she alwahs does and That felt accommodating and understanding and i felt loved#cut to my mom last night trying to make me feel guilty for not going because Shes my friend and i should have gone anyway.#i told her off and she backtracked but thats still innmy head like. that shit is so irritating#okay sorry vent over im just aboht to get my period so this is making me sick#want to yell into the void and forget about it. Hits post
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yknow what ive seen a lot of "gaster and chara fucking hated each other" headcanons but ive seen very little of the opposite. which to me is kinda sad bc imo its a better, more fun interpretation.
i like to imagine gaster looked at this hurt, traumatized child and saw a bit of himself in them. and so he offered them advice.
yall know the smile theory? that smiling make monsters stronger in a way? that it can stave off death, even if for a short while, etc? that *thats* the significance of it, the reason why its so tied to gaster? that could very well be the reason chara is known for their smile, too.
i nean- theyre a child who was so badly hurt they were practically obsessed with the concept of finality—a state in which they are too powerful to be hurt by anyone. i can see them not smiling almost at all when they first fell (what is there to smile about?) until they hear from gaster that a smile is protection. when you smile, others cant hurt you as bad. a smile is like armor. he smiles to stay safe because he knows all thats out there, all thats capable of harm.
and from then on chara smiles no matter what. they smile and laugh through the wordt moments. because they know now this is their armor. their protection.
i rhink they would admire gaster. his efforts for monsterkind, his advice to them. i think theyd see him as someone trustworthy (in my own personal headcanon, he knew about their and asriels plan. not fully, i mean, but he knew the lengths chara could go to. and the only reason he knew was because he would do the same. chara told him because they saw a kindred spirit)
i like to think gaster is crushed post charas death. i also like to think that, if chara remembers gaster after their "revival", *then* they would have issues. we know nothing about gaster canonically, sure, but in my own headcanon and theory world, the things he does make less and kess sense to chara, align less with their worldview and their beliefs. and only then do they clash with him. because at first he was someone they genuinely loved, someone they admired.
anyway, i think gaster thought of them almost as family. he cared for them deeply, always ready to give advice or comfort or teach them or. really anything. they would sit and talk for hours about the world and their personal philosophies and findings. i want gaster, like the dreemurrs, to be part of the loving world chara never got to experience on the surface rather than yet another enemy. you know?
#might be a lil disjointed its like 5 am#i generally think of gaster as someone with a lot of love to give. its not that he cant hate. he just. feels its better to love#and he loves this child as his own. and asriel too ofc. i think those two called him uncle#and hed let them play in his lab (supervised n away from dangerous shit)#and when their parents told them they couldnt do that anymore hed stabd in the open doorway and go#“oh no. the door is wide open. i sure do hope no children go through this wide open door into my lab. gosh that would be horrible”#and theyd giggle and go through and hed cover for them every time#i like to rhink he taught chara piano#i think they talked a lot about humanity. i think he saw the war and therefore chara does t understand how he can be so nice to them#theyre human. doesnt he hate humanity? doesnt he hate what they did to him? to all monsterkind?#and he shakes his head and says those who did those things are no longer alive. it would be wrong to blame a people with no memory of a war#for its existence and its consequences. and even those who started it he barely blames. he knows what fear can do#chara doesnt understand how someone could be sk devoid of anger and of hatred and gaster tries to show them such things sre not necessary#anyway yeah i think they have long and deep conversations. which is kinda funny when you consider#gaster is (at the time) the smartest monster in the underground. authority on all things scientific and having live through years innumerabl#and his conversation partner is like. 10#he respects them nonetheless and its so foreign to them. and they love their conversations even if they dont agree#because they are allowed to state beliefs without being hurt for it#anyway i gotta stop yapping i needa sleep#undertale#chara undertale#gaster undertale#finking#i feel like im forgetting to tag smthn. if i am ig ill lament that in the morning or smthn
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tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry
#tw rant#studying med is no joke. ik it was gonna be a commitment n that it wasnt gonna be easy n i thought i was prepared but im not#its my passion. i love what im studying and ive dedicated myself to this path but i just. its so hard n i just want to cry. everyday feels#so tiring. morning to night classes. when i get home i have to read 4 chapters MINIMUM n the books are so thick + exams almost everyday#i feel worse knowing there’s this 1 girl in my friend group that cant decide whether she likes me or not. one moment shes complimenting me#n asking where i get my outfits or my nails done or my earrings or whatever then praising me that i probably study the least out of everyone#yet still reach high student rankings but its not that im lazy im just so exhausted n its hard to have motivation... lowkey envy how my#friends study minimum 4 hours a day. we’re all tired n sleep deprived. even taking 30mins to eat makes me feel guilty. cant even watch 1 ep#of an anime bcos ill be thinking about the amount of work to do. and i have sm plans. i wanna be more active and have a healthier lifestyle#but i cant find it in me to wake up every 5am to go to the gym when i just wanna get as much sleep when im lucky to finish my studies today#i also dont see my bestest friends everyday anymore. some of us move to diff unis or some in diff majors. i just miss them so bad it hurts#and i miss the girl i used to be when i still had time and energy to indulge in my hobbies. i miss playing genshin and writing fics#just when i got back to writing and enjoyed it LOVED IT i had to go back to uni. i feel terribly lonely even when im always with people#im afraid ill completely lose grasp of the little things that make me happy bcos the weight of my responsibilities are heavier#im afraid ill be too focused on success again like i was when i was 17 and forget that its okay to relax too but idk#and i wanna meet more people make more friends have new experiences. i wanna feel alive again. and theres sm i wanna talk to or get to know#but im so afraid of people hurting me or disappointing me or people getting to know me only for the friendships to fail or we’ll dislike eac#h other. i wanna date and fall in love again and experience the romance my peers have. i wanna have someone to call my own person but the fe#ar of having someone only to lose them someday scares the hell outta me. im not ready for another heartbreak so i isolate myself and watch#people from afar. uni gives me sm freedom to do everything else and form my own identity but i dont wanna be Perceived. I wanna be heard and#seen n connect with people. but w my curreny state idt i can handle being vulnerable with others. it feels so lonely that the things i want#are out of my rrach but idt i can manage my time to meet new people and make new memories. i console myself by shopping a lot and going to#spas to relax yet i still find it hard to sleep. im afraid im wasting my time. im not as brave as i used to be. im not as efficient as i was#i get older and more tired and while i never questioned if studying med was the path i want i do question what will happen next#“is this all im ever going to be?” im good at what i do but day by day i lose sight of tje girl who knew how to laugh n smile. ik what makes#me happy but i rarely smile genuinely anymore. im so tired and want to sleep for a long time but i dont wanna fail. i dont wanna be NOT good#but it makes me cry when i know i can do many great things but i dont feel loved. people compliment me but dont approach me bcos they say im#intimidating or that im too quiet in class. i wish i could tell them i wanna join their parties too or i wanna meet their friends n hangout#but what if it doesnt work out? what if i wasted my time getting to know someone id eventually regret? what if im the disappointing one?#the days are getting shorter but it always feels like a long day. im ashamed to admit i want someone to hold me yet refuse to have anyone
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Had an ADHD assessment a few years ago and the fuckwit that assessed me said, as a direct quote, "You're too smart to have ADHD." Like that's not any type of paraphrasing, that stupid fucking statement is burned in my brain forever and has been since I heard it.
I talked to my psychiatrist about getting a referral to a different psychologist for assessment, and she agreed and sent it in.
Today I got a call that said they don't agree that I need reassessment, and I'm welcome to pursue it elsewhere, but they won't provide reassessment. Which is just.
I don't even know where to start with that one. I just needed to get it out. I'm so tired.
#'we really dont think youre adhd so were not even going to let you pay to check again'#WHAT#thats an option?#they can just say that they really dont think its a problem for me so they wont waste their time?#the first fuckwit that assessed me said im too fucking smart to have adhd!!#thats not a fucking compliment and every professional ive spoken to since then has said 'yesh thats not right tey for reassessment'#i just had to write this down because#this morning i was showering before work and they called me and left a message#so i checked the message right before work cuz i saw it was them and i assumed they wanted to set up the reassessment#because i got a referral. but theur message literally just said that bullshit#and because it was right before work i had to pack that away#because trying to deal with that in addition to a shift at fucking mcdonalds wouldve killed me#but because i set it aside i just keep forgetting about it. so i needed to write this down to remind myself#that this is my life and this is the bullshit i get to deal with in this life#im so tired. i dont even know what to say here. what to think or anything#'youre too smart to have adhd. we're so sure of that that we're not gonna check again. waste someone else's time. bye!'#i wish the world worked the way healthcare 'professionals' think it works#what a beautiful world it would be. you could lose weight just by trying and when you lose weight all of your health problems disappear!#you cant have any mental health problems if you are smart or seem kinda normal or are a woman#i am resisting the urge to. i don't even know. i want to do something angry and destructive but i don't even care#at least now i dont have to drive two hours and pay $160 just to be told that i am too smart to have problems#and actually all of my problems are due to my anxiety and the fact that im female#god i wish that was the case. ill go on t if it makes my problems valid. would you like that?#what do i have to do to convince people i have problems? i will fully physically transition to be taken more seriously#would that help?? would that fucking help???????????????#anyway. i was about to say i wish i wasnt mentally ill. but i dont#being mentally ill is chill. its like a roommate that lives up there and weve lived together awhile so its chill#the only problem are the idiots they pay to deal with mental illness. at this point i dont think they have qualifications#theyre just bringing in men off the street. and theyre the real problem. goodnight folks#dont have the audacity to be mentally ill in this economy. its not worth it
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Get out of here you heathen!
light began to filter through the trees, the rising sun growing brighter and brighter each passing moment. the world was mostly still asleep, except for those few early birds including this lovely little bakery.
"kiki honey, could you check on the sourdough loaves, they should be done now" sayaka calls out across their small establishment.
"in a minute natto, im trying to get these croissants rolled perfectly!" toge yells back, tongue sticking out in concentration as he meticulously rolls up the dough.
"i don't know why you're always so determined to make the perfect croissant, people enjoy the homemade look you know" sayaka can't help but sigh fondly and roll her eyes at the other.
"you'll never understand my pursuit of perfection, just admit it already, you're content being an amateur!" he boasts, tone light with amusement.
"yeah yeah whatever you say you croissant visionary" sayaka crosses the kitchen to take out the sourdough herself, not wanting it to burn. in a blur of baking and bickering, they are soon ready to open up shop. after a small argument over who gets to flip the sign, which toge won much to sayaka's chagrin, they are open for business!
"goooooood morning wonderful people! ive come to get my usual spicy noodle doughnut!" bursting though the door, same time as always, is one of their usual customers.
"we don't have those you numbskull, stop asking for them!" sayaka automatically shoots him down, used to his incessant insistence for one.
"why are your combos always so gross yuuji?" toge's disgusted face says it all as he joins them from the kitchen.
"well you guys are just lame that you never have them" he pouts, crossing his arms dramatically.
"get the man his fruit tart and sandwich would you kiki" sayaka, unrelenting in the face of his doe eyes, continues to stock the display case. in no time yuuji is settled at a table with his food, watching the couple bustle around setting up last minute things for the day. "so yuu, what are you doing after work today?" sayaka askes joining him at the table with a cup of steaming coffee.
"im going to visit megs down at florist to grab a late lunch but after that i'm wide open!" yuuji explains, a happy glint in his eyes.
"well would you like to catch a moive with me? i heard they're showing a sequel of that one movie we watched last week" she offers, a mischievous look in her eyes.
"you mean that one star shit movie we randomly found? there's a sequel?? im totally in, i need to see how this is gonna end" he immediately agrees, nodding sagely as he does.
"sweet! i'll pick you up at 6:30 then, be ready!" standing up she points at him knowingly before retreating back behind the counter as another customer walks in.
"you got it boss, see you then!" yuuji sends her a salute, which she rolls her eyes at, before he's slipping out the door to go to his own job.
the movie was terrible by the way, just the way they like it. and they might have made fun of it the whole way home.
#inumaki toge#inumaki x oc#sayaka#togoldlilya#to: sayaka#itadori yuuji#lapslock intended#collage by me#my loves#bakery au#tried something new this time!#i think they could run a sick bakery#toge and saya bicker like every morning lol#dont burn the sourdough again toge!!!#he is the croissant master though#don't you forget#saya and yuuji love to watch bad movies#its a hobby of theirs#in every universe they are best friends#toge likes to join them sometimes#its fun to make fun of stuff after all#they totally have inside jokes after this#their bakery menu would be so good#mmmm im hungry for a fruit tart now#not bated#dwdw#inumura au
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theres no better place for my ichi ringtone to go off than during my exam tbh
#snap chats#i DO NOT want to talk about my exam <- is gonna talk about it#i get bad physiological reactions to tests itd be hilarious if it wasnt annoying#i hate taking tests cause ill know the answers 100% but then i go to take the official test and i 👁️👁️ i forget literally everything#LIKE AS IM FILLING IN THE ANSWERS I KNOW ITS WRONG BUT MY BRAIN JUTS REFUSES TO PUT THE RIGHT ONE#I REMEMBER THE INFO I JUST CANT PUT THEM IN THE RIGHT SPOTS I GET SO NERVOUS AND FOR WHAT i hate tests.#theres nothing i can do tests have been my bane for years and ill just have to live with my educators thinking im stupid <- i am#anyway. during my exam yeah. quiet-ass room and then you hear my dork-ass ringtone go off like HELP I WAS JUST 👁️👁️#now the whole classroom knows youre a dweeb. jk no one at my school knows rgg its fine#anyway im upset and im fighting every demon telling me to go to the bar and get a drink#NO. BAD SNAP. BAD COPING MECHANISM. YOU ALSO HAVE NO MONEY ENOUGH#i have my last class of the day in twenty minutes i wanna curl up in a ball instead but thats not how life works now is it so BYE#wait can i talk bout my morning cause it was goofy#i called up my doc to get my DRUGS refilled and she was lookin over my doc like#'my man you have too much testosterone' My Sister In Christ No The Fuck I Don't LMAO if i hear one more 'sorry ma'am' i just might lose it#funny world innit.. ok my class starting soon thats all i wanted to share LMAO BYE
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i say this every single time i take my meds. but its crazy how adderall fixes me
#EVERY TIMEEEEEEEEE WHEN WILL I LEARN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#every time i have a weekend where i sleep in late -> forget to take my meds bc i usually take them in the morning-> go into a slump of#not getting out of bed/not doing chores etc etc -> feel like shit bc im not taking care of myself -> thinking I'll be like this forever#-> remember i have medication to take -> one hour later im like. Okie Let's Take Care Of The Things I Need To Do ^_^#ITS CRAZY HOW IT WORKS. EVERY TIME. I LOVE PHARMACEUTICALS#emily.docx
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hey so um aside from like, art posts i want to take another break from this site a bit. ive been fucking rotting my brain with it and wasting my time there constantly checking in and yeah thats fucking unhealthy im wasting my time and making my already horrid attention span even worse. if anything im on discord most of the time even if i dont respond right away. if you notice me like, late night posting when im tired feel free to send me a friendly ask to remind me and nudge me off but ill try to not let that happen.
ive also been slipping into bad thoughts on occasion again and i barely caught myself impulsively oversharing abt it again - even if i did mention it briefly at some parts i could've been rambling abt it elsewhere or to myself only making me feel worse which...is not good. i gotta get better and before school starts again i wanna get at least the tiniest bit better. this isn't anyone else's fault, just me placing priorities in the wrong places. but um yeah. im still around ofc!!! and i love talking i want to talk about stuff i like a lot!! im very happy to have ppl to talk about club penguin with... but ya ! ill try to not. check in here every 5 fucking seconds on god damn impulse
#like im even more shut in and unfocused on the real world now#which. im almost always im constantly trying to escape reality usually but now its kinda like. bad bad.#and also bc i dont sleep well i constantly feel dazy.#i forget to drink or eat properly sometimes and i feel just horrible and dismissive but#theres other issues here abt that i wont discuss. too personal#you dont need to know that. not like its some dark secret like you dont need to know shit i have going on with my family or whatever#a short break and i already feel like every day is possibly a day wasted...like today#today i promise to myself to go to sleep around 1 am and not 3-4 am#and progress slowly with that#and not beat myself over not being productive/doing what i wanted#today ALL DAY i REALLY wanted to play skyrim but now its too late for it...#i wasted 2 hrs in the morning waiting bc i desperately wanted to avoid talking to a visitor...#its a mess!!!#a lot of it i blame to unmedicated adhd but also me just. not regulating shit well. wrong priorities. and addictive website design lmfao.
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The perusing thru photo gallery strikes again. ! Bad
#got reminded of a halloween party i went 2 with friends#and how they dropped me off back at home early to fuck#and how crushed i was because it was genuinely such a fun night. like i felt so good#because i was like. yay!!! i have friends and im spending time with my friends i love my friends!!!!#and all 3 of us r sitting by the campfire and im pouring my heart out saying how much i valued them#and how much it meant to me to have them in my life as ppl i could be myself around#and just knowing thst the sentiment wasnt reciprocated the same and tht they#at thst point werent really thinking about me anymore is lik#okay. okayg. its fine. im fine about it#i was so embarrassed asking for 10 more minutes there with them. i didnt wanna go but they clearly didnt wsnt me around anymore#every time we hung out after that it only got worse. ogufvhh.#i genuinely think they only invited me out because i was like. idk 'amusing'#but not in a 'you are our friend and are funny and we like having you around'#but like throwing peanuts at a caged circus animal.#one of them did the others makeup. looked real nice#later in the night i asked him to do mine too bc i thought it would be fun/i never play arohnd with makeup#and he doesnt tske it serious. just absolutely fucks my face up with mascara and everything#looking back on that now really cements just how blind i was to how they actually saw me#i was thoroughly duped. fuck my derp life.#ow.err#sorry for diary entry posting again its 1am im tired and i need to write this down so I don't forget it happened to me#maybe ill delete it in the morning and actually writr abt it in my journal idk
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urgh.. trying to troubleshoot an assay while my mind feels frozen in amber..its not happening
#ill figure it out tmr morning. basically just have some samples that are too viscous to dilute properly#but i might be able to dilute them by weight instead of volume bc its just a % compared to the control not a fixed value#ah i cant think its like most of my ram has been removed im so spacey and my face feels weird. :-(#i almost miss the headaches from first weeks on meds id rather be in pain than have brain fog or whatever this is#every fucking afternoon. well going home in 15 mins anyway so i can just lie in bed and float when im home#its making my memory way worse too. ik im forgetful generally but i keep forgetting abt the things that remind me not to forget#if that makes sense. just lots of stupid little things i dont remember to do and its so frustrating#like whats the point of having meds to improve my focus if thry only work half the day and then make it worse than normal#my sense of time is fucked too i lost another 2hrs today doing idk what. at least it makes me feel like im not at work for so long lmao#man. if the whole week is gonna be like this thats gonna suck. and ill have to cancel on social plans snd ill get rly sad again :-(((((#ahhhhhhh#well it doesnt matter cant do anything abt it anyway. just taking it one thing at a time#i just need to clear up and then ill clock out#.diaries
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snooze - r.c.
(season 4 bf!rafe x gf!reader blurb, 4.1k words)
summary Your man works harder than anyone you know, and you couldn’t love him more for it, but some mornings you just want to hold on to him a little longer…
content fluff/smut, mutual mast., p in v, 18+ minors do not interact
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
Rafe’s alarm rings through the large bedroom like a blaring siren, jerking you violently from the sweet sleep you were just wrapped in. He doesn’t hear it at first, still sound asleep next to you, snores rumbling through his bare chest.
You blink your eyes open, the room is still dark, though the first golden rays of the sunrise creep in through the small crack in the curtains. You twist your body towards Rafe, snuggling your head into his neck, an attempt to both shield your eyes from the sunlight and get his attention, desperate for him to silence the loud alarm.
After a few seconds, he still hasn’t heard it, so you reach up and gently tap his cheek.
“Baby,” you groan, cheek pressed against his shoulder. “Too loud.”
Rafe takes a deep breath in, eyes still closed as he reaches his bedside table, tapping his phone screen clumsily until the sound subsides.
He settles back in, placing a quick kiss onto the top of your head as he pulls you into his side. You sigh happily, running your nails softly up and down his chest and stomach, drawing little hearts and stars on his skin. He shivers when you graze over the soft skin of his lower stomach, following his happy trail down to his waistband. You fully plan on dipping your hand below it, where he’s already twitching and firming up for you under his sweatpants, but you get distracted by the delicious deep V lines on either side of his waist. You dip your pointer finger into the valley of muscle and trace the shape down, switching to the other side and drawing back up.
He stirs when you angle your finger to scratch lightly with your manicured nail, lingering just above the band of his Calvins that peeks out from his sweats.
“That’s so nice, baby,” he mumbles in his deep, crackling morning voice, “I love these hands.”
Rafe laces his fingers in yours with one hand, his other arm sliding under your neck and wrapping around your shoulders. He pulls you close so he can drop a sloppy kiss on your temple.
You sigh and lift your intertwined hands to place a kiss on each of his knuckles.
“Maybe you should stay home,” you suggest between kisses. “Then you can enjoy these hands all day long.”
He smiles knowingly, still not opening his eyes. You play this game every morning, trying to find ways to convince him to play hooky from work, though they never succeed. He’s always showered and out the door by sunrise, leaving you with a cup of coffee on your nightstand and a quick kiss as you drift back to sleep.
“Sounds perfect, but I have an 8 a.m. with a potential investor,” he explains.
In the quiet, Rafe starts to drift off again. You continue to stroke his chest and think of all the many enticing reasons for him to stay, but before you can list them for him, his alarm blares from his phone again.
You lean over him, reaching to the phone on his nightstand. He takes the opportunity to snake his hand around your waist and slide it under his big t-shirt you're wearing. His hands feel so nice on your lower back, you pause, almost forgetting what you were reaching for in the first place, until the alarm rings out again, making you both wince with its volume. You tap the screen desperately until it’s silenced.
“Just hitting snooze so we can have five more minutes,” you say, settling down over him and resting your cheek on his chest.
“Liar,” he says with a sleepy smirk. “You turned it off.”
You fake an offended gasp, “I can’t believe you’re accusing me of such deception, Rafe Cameron.”
“So when five minutes go by and the alarm doesn’t go off again, what are you gonna say then?”
“I was hoping you’d fall back to sleep by then,” you confess with a giggle, laying a soft kiss on his chest, right over his heart.
“I knew it.”
He sits up in bed, causing you to fall back onto the pillows, immediately missing his warmth. You paw at his arm as he reaches over to check the time on his phone.
“Nooo,” you whine. “Don’t go yet.”
He smiles down at you, leaning over to place loving kisses on the edge of your jaw and up your face, touching his lips to your temple one final time before standing from the bed.
Your vision is still fuzzy from sleep and the darkness of the room, but you follow the general shape of him as he walks to the wall of windows on the other side of the room. He’s shirtless, the lower half of his body covered in soft gray sweats. You squirm a little under the comforter as you take him in. You didn’t know it was possible to be this attracted to someone, but it’s like every day you’re with him, your body craves him more, and it makes it that much more painful when he leaves.
Rafe interrupts your reverie by lifting his arms and throwing the curtains wide open. You flinch at the bright sunlight that pours through the windows like it’s burning you.
“Too bright, Rafe!” You protest.
He just turns with a smug smile, his tall silhouette casting a shadow over the bed, blocking you from the blinding sun.
“I’ll make you some coffee before I go,” he promises as he leaves you alone in the bedroom, pulling a pillow over your face to shield yourself from the daylight.
It’s silly to complain when his hard work is the whole reason you can lay in this comfortable bed so late into the morning. When he’s not with you, he’s at the office, earning you all this comfort, but it still seems unfair when you want him this badly.
You used to be an early riser, but the way he lays you down every night when he gets home, fucking you hard and slow until you fall asleep clinging to him, it’s made you a whole new person. You’d pay him twice his salary if you had it just to get him to stick around a little longer, make you feel that good again.
A devious idea comes to your brain, and you pull the covers from yourself quickly, making fast moves before he gets back.
When Rafe comes back into the room a few minutes later, he nearly spills your hot coffee all over himself at the sight that greets him.
The comforter is bundled at the end of the bed, nothing covering your body as you stretch out on the mattress. You’ve switched out his t-shirt and your baggy sweats for a silky pair of boy-short panties and a lacy bra. You're facing away from him, laying on your side, the curve of your hips and peekaboo view of your ass casting a scandalous shadow on the wall. The fabric of your panties is so flimsy, it climbs up the curve of your ass, revealing you to him as if they’re barely there at all.
“Nice try,” he shakes his head, though the small crack in his voice betrays his defiance. You know you’ve got him hard and frazzled.
“Hmmm?” You don’t turn to look at him, instead bending your knee and sliding one leg up higher to give him an even better angle of your ass.
“It’s not gonna work…” he insists, setting your coffee down, fully intending to turn and make his way to the walk-in closet to get dressed, yet somehow finding himself completely immobile.
“What’s not going to work?” You echo, feigning cluelessness in a way you know is gonna drive him mad.
“I really do have a meeting,” he continues his one-sided argument, trying desperately to convince himself. “I can’t be late, it’s important.”
“Okay! Have a good day, baby,” you yawn, shifting on the sheets as if you’re just getting comfortable, hoping he doesn’t see the smile you’re hiding in your pillow, obsessed with the strain in his voice that reveals his resolve is cracking.
The mattress sinks slowly under his weight, and you can feel the heat of him before he even touches your skin. His hand slides up your leg, from your ankle all the way up to your thigh, where he pauses to squeeze your flesh.
“You’re gonna be late,” you let your mouth twist into a cheeky smile.
He huffs a defeated laugh, letting his forehead fall onto your shoulder in frustration, “you’re killing me.”
“I’m not doing anything!” You giggle, arching your back and giving him a better glimpse at the other side of you, your nipples already pebbling in anticipation, clearly visible through your see through bra.
Rafe responds by saying your name, so low and needy it’s almost inaudible. You twist your torso just enough to meet his eyes, blinking at him sweetly through your eyelashes.
“Yes?”
He doesn’t respond with words, just a piercing gaze. His blue eyes are blown wide with lust as he takes you in, dragging over your body helplessly, fighting an internal battle as he plots his next move. Filthy thoughts are etched on his face, you know him well enough by now to see the gears turn behind his eyes, imagining all the things he could do to you if he stayed.
“Can I at least have a kiss before you go?” You ask, hoping the taste of your lips will tip the scales in your favor.
He can’t deny you a kiss, he never does, so he leans in and meets your lips with a nod, his hand rising to softly cradle your jaw. You run your tongue so gently across his lower lip that he wonders if he imagined it. When you part your lips for him and release a small sigh, the game is over.
With another squeeze of your thigh, he pulls back from you just enough to reach his phone on the nightstand. You watch with a victorious grin as he types out a quick message, surely to his secretary, and tosses the phone somewhere on the bed.
“Bought us an hour,” he tells you.
“Only an hour?” You pout.
“Don’t be greedy,” he teases you, shuffling behind you so he can spoon you, placing a dozen quick kisses up your arm, making you giggle in delight.
Rafe’s hand slides from your thigh to your waist, dipping to splay over your stomach so he can pull you flush against him. You sigh dreamily as he begins to suckle on your neck, leaving little pink marks everywhere his lips touch.
“Wasn’t that kind of an important meeting?” You ask, feeling a little guilty for potentially making him miss out on a good opportunity.
“Nothing’s more important than this,” he assures you.
You let out a little whimper at his sweet words, igniting a fire in him. His hand drifts up your stomach until his palm is settled over your breast, kneading gently.
“Oh,” you gasp. “That feels good.”
“Yeah?” He drawls with a crooked grin, pausing to drag the tip of his tongue over the shell of your ear, making you shiver. “Just needed a little attention today?”
“Mhm,” you nod. “Needed you.”
His hand leaves you for a minute to fiddle with the clasp of your bra. You lift your arms up so he can slide it off and toss it somewhere on the floor of the massive master suite.
The rough skin of his palm comes back to rest over your hard nipple, the sensation is so sweet that your whole body hums with pleasure.
“God you’re so soft,” he breathes over the wet spot he’s just left on your skin, “love these tits so much.”
With that confession, he pinches your nipple between his thumb and pointer finger, the pain lasting only a second before he smoothes it over with the pad of his thumb.
“Rafe!” You squeak out at the sting.
He shushes you gently, lowering his mouth to pull your earlobe between his teeth, the pressure strong, but not strong enough to pull your mind from the way his hand is dropping lower on your torso towards your panties. A pool of silky arousal gathered between your legs, you rub your thighs together in search of friction as his hand continues to move maddeningly slow.
“Don’t worry baby,” he coos, “gonna take good care of you like I always do.”
Your fingernails dig into the sheets in preparation when he finally reaches the band of your panties, lifting them to slide his hand in.
“You always take such good care of me, Rafe,” you agree.
He places his other arm under your head for support, allowing you to look down at the outline of his big hand wriggling under the damp cloth of your panties. His fingers find your entrance easily, pausing outside to swirl in your wetness.
“Fuck, you’re perfect,” he praises. “Always so ready for me.”
After a few more swirls, he’s satisfied with the coating, dragging his fingers back up to your clit. He hits it right away, he could find it in a hurricane. He runs his fingers over you at the perfect angle, starting with delicate figure eights.
Your head falls forward in ecstasy, unable to form words. Rafe bends his arm at the elbow, laying his hand flat against your forehead to pull your head back into his chest, your neck arching with the stretch. The pink spots he’s left on your exposed throat have darkened nicely, giving him a chance to appreciate his handiwork. He reattaches his lips, desperate to claim you as many times as he can, hungry for you.
The sweetest, breathiest moans fall from your puffy lips, and he basks in them like the sunlight that’s bleeding through the curtains. He’s nibbling on your shoulder like it’s his breakfast as his fingers pick up speed on your clit.
Between circles and flicks, he stops to tap quickly with the tip of his middle finger, the rhythmic pressure and release has the sensitive bud pulsing. You chase his fingers pathetically with the roll of your hips, needing more.
As you writhe, his cloth covered cock slots between the valley of your ass, each wave of your hips grinding perfectly against his shaft. You shut your eyes tight, picturing his perfect length and the gorgeous noises he makes when he comes. You need to hear those sounds like you need air.
Your hand releases from the sheets, reaching behind you to rub the hard ridge of his dick over his sweatpants. Rafe clenches his jaw, a throaty groan vibrating through his chest and straight into your body.
“This what you wanted, angel?” He asks, his tone dominant and desperate all at the same time. The perfect balance of ownership and a genuine urgency to please you.
“Just wanted you,” you confirm through labored pants, grinding yourself into his hand, “all I ever want is you.”
“Oh yeah? Show me.”
No further instruction needed, your hand finally dips below his waistband, immediately finding his pulsing cock.
“Shi-ii-t,” he shudders as you wrap your fingers around him, stroking slowly and reveling in how hard you’ve made him.
You notice goosebumps rush up the arm that’s disappearing into your panties, you realize your hands must be cold. You know he’d never complain, but you don’t just want him to feel good, you want him to feel as amazing as he makes you feel.
You draw your hand back from his boxers, and he groans at your absence, nearly protesting until he sees what you’re doing. You dip your hand into your underwear, gently nudging his out of the way, and collect some of your wetness onto your own fingers. Your hand glistens in the morning sunlight when you pull it out, displaying it for him before returning your grip to his cock.
He’s speechless. Eyes rolling back at how fucking sexy that was, desperate to ground himself before he comes too quickly in your hand. He moves his palm down from your forehead to cup your throat, not too much pressure to hurt, but enough to remind you how strong he is. You whimper, swallowing hard under his broad palm.
“Jesus christ, baby,” he sputters, “you’re my fucking dream girl.”
You fall in sync, Rafe rubbing tight, firm circles over your clit, while you slide your hand up and down his shaft, pausing at the tip with each stroke to swirl your thumb in the precum he’s leaking. His knuckles flex in response to each flick of your thumb, pads of his fingers holding and releasing your neck in steady pulses.
You squeeze his cock as he squeezes your throat, so perfectly aligned in your drunken pleasure that you both chuckle at how unbelievable it feels. But if you’re laughing, then surely he’s not doing a good enough job.
He draws your clit between his fingers, rolling over and over, not pinching too hard, but just hard enough to set every nerve ending in your body on fire. You draw your knees up, your hand slowing involuntarily on his cock as you feel the familiar coil tighten in your tummy, seconds from snapping.
“I can’t believe you’re real, you’re so perfect,” Rafe whispers into your shoulder, kissing you over and over.
“Gonna make me come talking like that, baby,” you warn him.
“You want that? You want me to make you come in my hand?”
“Not yet,” you choke out, so close that you’re already dreading coming down from your high. It’s too soon, it’s not enough. No amount of him will ever be enough, but you at least need him closer. “Want you inside, need you in me.”
“Anything. Anything you want,” he swears as he pulls his hand from your core to rip your panties down your legs. You pull them off over your feet and toss them away as he removes his pants and boxers behind you.
The fabric finally out of the way, his dick spears into your back, somehow always so much bigger and more powerful than you remember. You pray he doesn’t make you wait any longer, wriggling back onto your side so your soaked pussy is perfectly exposed to him.
In the soft morning light, he finally gets a good view of your slick folds, nearly busting all over your back at the sight. He’s filled this new condo with the most expensive art he could find, but nothing comes close to the masterpiece in front of him. To him, you’re fucking priceless.
He wastes no more time, tucking a hand under your knee to angle your leg up. You take his cue, understanding each other without words as always, and brace your foot flat against his calf, propping yourself open for him.
A combination of the angle and his picture perfect memory of your walls has his tip hitting your g-spot on the very first thrust. He stretches you so sweetly, the tight fit making your brain go foggy and your mouth fall open, gasping helplessly.
“Like this?” He asks, not taunting but not really asking either, already knowing the answer to “this how you want it?”
“Not quite,” you whisper.
He freezes with confusion before you reach behind you to find the hand he has braced on your hip, pulling it up and placing it back around your neck.
“There,” you say, “now it’s perfect.”
“Holy shit,” Rafe stammers, hips jerking forward, slamming into you a little too hard, lost in his infatuation with you.
At first he worries it’s too hard, but a dreamy moan rises from your throat and you encourage, “yes, yes, like that, please.”
Mouth agape in disbelief at his pure fucking luck in finding you, he obeys your plea, pulling back slow before thrusting in hard again. The hand that’s not on your throat pushes into the mattress beneath your head, lifting himself up for leverage. He continues to fuck into you hard, pausing after each stroke to hit as deep as he can possibly get. You’re a mess, crying out with each slap of his hips against your ass, blabbering incoherently as you clench around him.
“Ohhh my god you’re so tight,” he growls through gritted teeth. “‘I’m gonna come if you keep squeezing me like that. You gonna let me come inside?”
Your eyes fly open as an invisible light bulb goes off above your head, you twist to meet his eyes, his lids low and irises completely blown out with lust.
“If I do, will you stay home?” you proposition him.
He scoffs, shaking his head in pure amusement and adoration, tongue digging into the side of his cheek in the cocky way you love. From this angle, the sharp features of his perfect face hover just inches from yours. The sheer attraction you feel makes your walls flutter around his cock, a tease of his reward if he promises to stay.
Rafe screws his eyes shut, his head falling back as you pulse around him repeatedly.
“Fuck! Yes, I promise, I promise,” he cries out as he continues thrusting into you sloppily, “I’ll do anything. I’ll sell my house, I’ll change my fucking name. Just ask me and I’ll do it.”
His theatrics delight you, bubbly giggles rising from your stomach as he loses himself in you. You can’t remember ever loving anyone as much as you love him at this moment.
“Kiss me,” you whisper, completely enamored with the man inside you.
Without a thought, he slips the hand on your throat to the back of your neck, kneading your skin as he pulls your mouth to his. It’s not gentle, like his typical good morning kisses, it’s messy and wet and hard and completely mind numbing. You bite on his bottom lip, almost accidentally, losing your mind at the taste of him.
“B-baby,” he stutters, his hips doing the same, “can’t - fuck - can’t wait any longer. Tell me where you want it.”
“Mmmph, inside, please! Please fill me up, Rafe.”
It’s all he needs to hear, he buries himself deeper than he’s ever been.
“Come with me?” he pleads.
You’re so close, you can’t even find words, nodding rapidly. He hits your g-spot one final time and you slip off the edge of the earth into uncut ecstasy.
Your eyes roll back and your toes dig into his leg, bruising his calf. His tip hits your cervix hard, hot cum pooling deep in your core, spilling out of him for longer than you thought possible. His breath is ragged and his chest heaving as his body jerks around you.
Both trembling, his arm gives out and he slumps down, curled around you. Sweaty and satisfied, you catch your breath together, Rafe still buried deep.
He plants wet kisses on the nape of your neck, brushing your hair out of the way and blowing gently to cool you down. You see only bright white behind your closed eyes, floating in a perfect pleasure you didn’t know was possible until you met this man.
After a few moments, or possibly hours, he starts to pull out. Your hips chase his defiantly, refusing to lose his warmth again.
“Nuh-uh,” you shake your head, reaching back to grab his hip and hold him in place. “You promised.”
“I also promised to change my name, you gonna make me do that, too?” He laughs.
“Maybe.”
“Oh really? What are you gonna call me?”
“I dunno,” you shrug. “How about daddy?”
Your teasing has the intended effect, Rafe twitching inside you, already hardening again. He knows you’re just playing with him, but his mind spirals out of control at the pet name. He’s so in love he thinks it might kill him.
Settling back into you, he reaches around the bed until his hand finds his discarded cell phone.
Your lips twist into a smirk as you hear him dial, still buried in your heat.
The dial tone rings a few times and he says, “yeah, gonna need you to clear my whole day. Something came up.”
He thanks the voice on the other line, hanging up and tossing his phone somewhere in the mountain of blankets on the floor.
“A whole day?” You ask, nestling back into his chest. “Aren’t you gonna lose the money from those investors?”
“Probably,” he shrugs, laying more slow kisses on your shoulder. “Worth every fucking cent.”
✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚:* *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
#I’m gonna be so for real I put my whole pussy into this one#one of my favorites I’ve ever done#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#rafe cameron fic#rafe fic#obx fic#drew starkey#rafe fanfic#rafe obx#obx 4#rafe cameron smut#rafe Cameron x you#rafe Cameron x y/n#rafe Cameron imagine#rafe Cameron season 4#obx#obx smut#rafe smut#rafe cameron blurb#rafe x reader#rafe cameron fanfiction#Rafe Cameron fluff#nat’s most popular
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#i am not doing great rn lol#i really need to see a doctor at some point but between me just forgetting and really not wanting to its impossible lol#but my mental health has been awful lately and i already had stomach problems#and my anxiety being at like a 9 every morning is probably giving me ulcers or something :(
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// I'm never going to school again this shit is fucking absurd
#screaming into a pillow (kicking a trash can and yelling (mutely typing in my car))#i am so fucking busy with work and they have me doing school shit too#hey hey hey hey jove !#hey jove !#dont forget to do me your class assignment they give you this every week!#dont forget !#^3^#dont forget to spend 60-130 dollars every week to do an assignment! while you are doing your work also!#hope you dont mind. your entire kitchen suddenly breaking down#hope its all fine with like. you being at work from 8-10 in the morning to 7 to 11 at night#o3o#can you squeeze in time to make some desserts for me your best friend college who you paid money for?#tyyyy >7</***#peeling myself#can you leave me FUCKING alone man#anyways time to make a cake mousse oats and. a fhcking god damned parfait !#glad to be making VEGAN#im going to blow this place up fr#btw you only have a class for 6 weeks at a time sooooooo 😳🥺🥺 once this six weeks is over were coming back and maybe never ending ?!?!#enjoy this race season! hope its great!#its not great btw. its fucking busy. and they make me go through a metal detector now.
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