#its just like fuck everything is happening all at once

[thatone-girly]

PRETTY GIRL

Summary: Six months postpartum and Cleo is still insecure about herself. Terry has had enough.

Terry Richmond x Black!OC

18+ Content! || porn with little to no plot, married couple, slight daddy kink, p in v, mentions of postpartum depression, mentions of insecurity

Cleo gasped, the faint sound getting caught in her throat as her nails dug into the meaty flesh of Terry’s arms. Her toes curled tightly as the tremble in her thighs intensified. The constant jabbing and stimulation of her g-spot due to Terry’s deep, digging strokes sent intoxicating waves of pleasure through her body, leaving her looking fucked-out and dick drunk.

Another whine left her swollen, parted lips, eyes rolling back in her head as her knees came together in an attempt to slow Terry’s mid-paced strokes. “Mm-mm…”, he hummed, his right hand moving to smack her thigh. “Open them legs. Let me see that pretty ass pussy.”

He didn’t give her much of a chance to follow his commands before he hooked his huge hands around the back of her knees and pushed them up to her chest. His gaze stayed fixed on her creaming tightness, watching the milky white ring she left grow thinker and larger. “She so pretty…”, he mumbled, “just like you.”

His plump, pink lips wedged between his pearly white teeth as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Look at her.”, he took his right hand off her thigh and cupped his hand around he jaw, forcing her to look at their connected parts. “Look how she’s creamin’ around me.”

Cleo blinked to clear her hazy vision, focusing in on his length moving in and out of her with ease. Seeing first hand the sticky mess she was making made her even wetter, causing her nails to dig deeper into Terry’s arms. “Terryyy…”, Cleo whined, her eyes fluttering closed as her head fell back against the sheets.

Terry, whose hand had moved from her jaw to around her neck, hummed in response. “What’s the matter, mama?”

Breath partially taken from his firm grip on her neck, Cleo released a choked moan as the tremble in her legs intensified. “Talk to me, baby”, Terry mumbled, his grip tightening softly, “tell daddy what’s wrong.”

Cleo whined in response, her walls tightening around him as her toes curled tightly in the air, “y-you’re so deep, baby.”

A cocky grin spread across his face, his bottom lip moving to rest between his teeth once more. He told her this would happen. He told her all it would take was just one more time for him to catch her looking at herself negatively in the mirror, one more time to catch her starving herself to lose weight, one more time for her to talk down on herself. One more time and he was going to do something about it.

He made it clear from the first time she made a comment about her postpartum body that he would not tolerate his wife being insecure about the body that carried their child. But for a while, he did. He knew postpartum depression was a bitch, and he saw it take its ugly toll on Cleo. He hated seeing her so upset about the changes her body had gone through bringing their baby girl into the world, and quite frankly, he didn’t understand. Hell, he loved it.

He loved everything. The way her hair grew, the way her skin became glass, the way stretch marks were visible on her thighs, ass, and stomach. The way her chest grew, hips expanded, and her ass got fatter? Oh, you know he was loving that. He couldn’t understand why she didn’t love it. Honestly, he didn’t want to. One too many negative comments about herself and he had had enough.

He told her the next time she said something negative about herself, he’d fuck the shit out of her. If he couldn’t talk her into feeling beautiful, he would fuck her into feeling beautiful. He made it clear that he would go so deep inside of her that she wouldn’t even remember what she was insecure about.

And she didn’t. She barely even remembered her name right now.

His name seemed to be the only thing she remembered, because in the moment, it was the only thing she could manage to say. Beside the occasional whines, whimpers, and cries, the only thing leaving her mouth was Terry’s name. But that wasn’t what he wanted to hear.

“Look at me.”, he commanded, his deep green eyes burning into her face. Cleo peeled her eyes open, locking eyes with her husband. They held intense eye contact, the effects over their intimate dance causing butterflies to swarm in Cleo’s stomach. “Tell me what I wanna hear.”

Cleo didn’t have to ask what it was he wanted her to say. He’d been saying it to her since the day they met, and after she had the baby, he said it ten times more. Now he wanted her to say it.

But Cleo didn’t want to say it. She didn’t think it was true.

Noticing her eyes starting to close, Terry smacked her thigh with his free hand while putting more pressure on her throat with the other. “Don’t look away from me, Cleo.”

Cleo yelped at the harsh contact his large hand made to her thigh as her eyes shot open. “Tell me what I wanna hear.”, he repeated, his hips moving in ways that damn near made it impossible for Cleo to keep her eyes open, let alone talk. “Come on, baby…say it for me.”

Despite his pussy-wetting words and leg shaking strokes, Cleo still refused to say it.

Terry said nothing. Instead, he began to retreat from her walls and let go of her neck. Whining from the feel of his exit, Cleo hurriedly reached out to grab his arm. “No, don’t stop! Please, don’t stop, it feels so good!”

At her pleading words, Terry slowly pushed back inside of her. “Well stop playing and tell me what I wanna hear.”

Gasping as he stretched her again, Cleo’s back arched off of the bed as he inched closer and closer to that sweet spot of hers. She knew him and she knew how petty he was. He was purposely avoiding hitting her spot until she said what he wanted her to say.

Burying his head in her neck, Terry peppered kisses along her neck as he mumbled, “Come on, mama. Let me hear you say it.”

Whining as her walls contracted around him, Cleo mumbled, “I’m beautiful.”

“What you say?”, Terry mumbled as his lips pressed repeatedly against the sweet spot on her neck. “I ain’t hear you.”

Cursing under her breath, Cleo fought not to lose her damn mind as she draped an arm over Terry’s neck and both voluntarily and involuntarily raked her nails over his shoulder blade. “I’m beautiful…”, she repeated in her whining tone, her free hand reaching up beside her head to grip the plush pillow. Cleo wanted to slap the shit out of Terry for having her like this. Better yet, she wanted to slap the shit out of herself for pushing him away for so long. Her insecurities kept her from damn near seeing heaven, and damn was she mad about it.

Terry needed to say nothing to let Cleo know her words had been accepted. All he needed to do was push his hips a little bit deeper, and there it was.

Cleo needed to say nothing to let him know that he’d found that spot, because the involuntary bucking of her hips along with the trembling of her legs and gasp of pleasure, Terry knew. His low chuckle of contentment confirmed that as he lifted himself from the crook of her neck to balance himself on his hands and continue to roll his hips in that same pattern. Looking down at his dazed wife, Terry chuckled once more and took his bottom lip between his teeth, asking, “I’m hittin’ that spot, huh?”

Cleo, in her otherworldly pleasure, could only grip the pillow tighter and continue to let her sweet love sounds slip past her parted lips.

Terry could do nothing but admire her when she was like this. Her legs spread all over the bed, hands clenched in the sheets, hair wild as hell. She was a disheveled, sweaty, moaning mess. But still to him, she was the prettiest thing in the world.

He watched as her tired brown eyes rolled back into her head and her head fell back against the bed as she tried not to be too loud and wake their baby girl across the hall. He took a second to let his head fall back and avert his vision to the ceiling from both pleasure and to take a breather, because if he kept watching Cleo, he would get her pretty ass pregnant all over again.

Hearing her whine his name again in that familiar tone, he quickly returned his attention to her. She was close.

“What’s the matter, baby?”, he cooed as he moved his right hand down to her bundle of nerves and used the pad of his thumb to rub slow, sloppy circles, “you gon’ cum for me? hmm?”

Moaning aloud in response to his unexpected touch, Cleo’s hand quickly moved down to his hip in an attempt to halt his movement just for a second so she could get some air back in her damn lungs. “W-wait, T…”, she murmured, fighting to keep her eyes from doing yet another roll inward, but damn did she feel good. Hell, she could barely talk without moaning.

Shaking his head, Terry’s hips continued to move, fighting back against her weak pushes. “Nah”, he mumbled, his thumb continuing its rotation on her pleasure point, “don’t tap out on me now, Cleo. Gimmie that nut. Let me have it.”

And just like that, his wish was her command. “Oh, f-fuck, Terry!” Her volume control was out the window, as was her mind as an orgasm sent from God himself ran its course. His name upon her lips was music to Terry’s ears as he continued his movements, helping her ride out her high.

Motions slowly coming to a halt as her body relaxed, Terry chuckled as he watched her pleasure cost his shaft in creamy coats. Finally being allowed to catch her breath, Cleo’s chest rose and fell at a semi-rapid pace. “Terry…what the fuck?”, she whined as she raised a hand to cover her face.

Chuckling once more, he gently removed her hand from face before peppering kisses all around it. She smiled weakly as he whispered, “You did so good for me, baby. I’m so proud of you.”

With more kisses to her face and her lips, he then murmured, “but I know you got some more in there for me. Gon’ head and turn over.”

[directdogman]

Dialtown is the most USA-core game I've ever played. It's so fucking American that it's scary, and I've lived there my entire life! Like, this feels fundamentally tied with the game's themes and narrative, that's how extreme it is. And it's not even alienating OR nationalist?? It makes such genuine commentary? And then there's so much other shit to think about too; Dialtown has a very real identity outside this that anyone could love?

One: I am VERY impressed that you have done the USA and its people this well. I am actually astounded, bewildered, and chuffed. I've never felt so seen by a video game, culturally-speaking. I didn't even know there was a culture to see.

Two: WHY did you do that. Dialtown is like USA Culture Absurdified: The Visual Novel. What drove you to make a game this rich with American culture and ideas???

Hello!

It would've been odd for an outsider (non American) who enjoys reading up on history to make my setting nationalist or alienating. America is a country with a lot of serious issues. You can't really study how America is (and has been) internally run without facing glaring and obvious systematic issues. DT's setting is one of scarcity and most of the main characters you follow in DT are kinda just scraping by without much hope for true mobility/advancement. A lot of Americans (especially younger generations) would agree this sorta encapsulates the national mood of the country right now.

Of course, the systems that run a country don't define its citizens - many of the finest people I've ever known are American and are victims of the whims of those with power, not willing participants in this system. I could be wrong, but that's why I think the setting connected with a lot of people. We all know Randys, Olivers + Karens, people who've fallen through the cracks in some way. To them, America's spirit of self-determination isn't about individual identity - it's more "you're on your own."

Why I chose to set DT in America would be a novel length answer in of itself, but it mainly came down to history + narrative opportunity. I wanted to set the game in the epicenter of where the phone-revolution came from and Crown likely couldn't have pulled his plan off anywhere else and probably not during any other time. It had to be 1960's America.

Of course, some parts of DT are sorta universal and were inspired by the the Great Recession and what followed. I remember there was an area not that far from my house that was full of green fields when I was born and when I was a kid (and when real estate boomed), stuff started being built there. Parts of it looked really nice, not quite like anything nearby. Like the future was coming. Then the economy crashed and stuff was left sitting there, half-built for like a decade. Skeletal, unfinished buildings. DT is much the same.

There's a feeling that the city could've been something better and while things could be more equal, it does feel like there are no easy solutions to fix everything - unless someone very smart and determined somehow bypassed every safeguard that was set up to halt radical change and enacted a genius plan to somehow eliminate scarcity. It happened once and might never again.

I don't think most people understand the intricacies of stuff like global commerce all that well (myself included), but when you're sitting looking at a half built neighbourhood mere hours after speaking to a friend who just kicked out of rented accommodation and doesn't have a stable family unit to fall back on, you'd have to be a real dolt not to understand that things aren't great right now. Most people are scraping by and feel if they could just get affordable housing locked down, if they had maybe one good opportunity - maybe there's hope that things could change for the better.

The end of DT isn't really utopian, things don't massively change for the better and indeed, the town has a lot of rebuilding to do. But, a collection of lonely people are now looking out for each other and through the relationships they have, now feel like they have a place in this world. That no matter how bad things really get - they aren't truly by themselves anymore. Most individuals don't have the means to significantly advance change on their own - but you can live your life, love those around you and support others and plan for when the opportunity to affect change comes about.

I guess that's what life is, in America or anywhere else. Sorry I rambled for so long. Hope this answered the question!

[doromoni]

Not Over the Papaya | OP81

⊹ ｡•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

Ships : Oscar Piastri x Popstar! Reader , Ex!Lando Norris x Popstar! Reader

Genre : Fluff Smau

A/N : Oki, quick reminder! This is all fiction!! nothing in this ever happened in real life, so don’t hate on the people referenced please!

Face claim : Jennie Kim

Summary : Y/N and Oscar cope with their own breakups by making the Heartbreak Club.

Masterlist | Series Masterlist

< Previous | Part 17 | Next >

landonorris

liked by ln4, mclaren, f1, and others

landonorris And thats how you do it 😏. Pole for tomorrow’s race baby!

mclaren back at it again!! thats our driver 💪

ln4 How many poles was this again? 🤔

user1 Ok sir cook!

user2 Get em Lan! close the gap from Max

user3 Yes! this year’s battle is so tight 😮‍💨

user4 I’m so glad Lando is Mclaren’s no. 1 driver

user5 yeah for now

user4 @user5 what do you mean, for now??

user5 Give oscar time, you’ll see

user4 Piastri is literally in P17 while Lando got pole 🤡

user5 you didnt watch the practice sessions did you 🤡

user3 Get the p1 tomorrow Lando!

user4 Y/N fumbled letting Lando go for Oscar…. couldnt be me 🤢

user5 why would you even drag Y/N here? let’s not forget who cheated on who

user6 McLaren worked extra hard to cover that issue…. and we should not make it any easier. Cheaters remain cheating

user4 yeah yeah whatever! Lando stays on top

user6 That smirk was not necessary sir… you literally got the fastest car??

user7 and his teammate got what place in the fastest car? right 17

user8 Lando’s got that team favoritism buff tho

user7 what favoristism?

user6 @/user7 are you blind or stupid? its pretty obvious that Mclaren favors Lando over Oscar

user9 Don’t listen to the haters Lando!!

user10 Ngl I like Lando over Oscar anyday. McLaren should just fire the Australian like they did with Danny ric. Bro is not going anywhere in this team.

Notification: My Osc🧡 replied to your message*

*Incoming call from Manager Kim

Pick up or Decline

Pick up

-Hi, Kim. What’s up?-

-Y/N, your new ep has still charting at number 1 an opportunity opened up and it is HUGE!-

-Like how huge are we talking Kim?-

-HUGE huge, Y/N!!-

-Really? whats the gig and when is it? -

- I need you to fly out here to the states like right now!-

-Woah what? I can’t right now Kim. Oscar crashed and I need to be with him in the race. Everything is in chaos here and I — can’t it just be over the phone? -

- What? are you being serious right now? Y/N this is your career. Are you really choosing a boy over it?! Y/N listen to me. This opportunity comes by once in a life time, don’t waste it -

- Kim… can’t you reschedule the meeting? or something? please? -

- No, Y/N. They want to personally meet you here by tomorrow evening. I swear this is your Lando situation all over again! -

- Excuse me?? what does that even mean? -

- Y/N , you’re reliving your relationship with Lando through Oscar! -

-That’s not fucking true Kim!-

-Really, Y/N?? You’re even starting to give up opportunities for Oscar!! Does that ring any bells for you?? huh?? Remember you gave up that collab with Justin Bieber because your shit of an Ex was insecure and jealous?!! How is this not the same?? You’re doing all of this for what? so that your new boy toy can cheat on you?? Your being delusional again, Y/N. Get it together -

-KIM! You’re being out of line! You have no right to dictate what happens in my personal life. This is my decision to make not yours, and I’ll stand by what ever consequence i’ll face for it-

- Yeah, you’re not the one cleaning shit up, if you aren’t here by tomorrow. I swear Y/N… I’m done with you and your team.-

*beep* *beep* *beep*

-Oscar’s POV-

Notification : Mark sent a message*

Notification: Logan has sent a message to Timtams and Ranch*

Calling: My Dearest 🤍

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*The number you are calling cannot be reached, please try again later*

Calling: My Dearest 🤍

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*The number you are calling cannot be reached, please try again later*

Calling: My Dearest🤍

*Ring*

*Ring*

*Ring*

*The number you are calling cannot be reached, please try again later*

Calling : My Dearest🤍

*Ring*

-Hello?-

-You had me worried there, dear. Are you busy?-

-Oh, uhm no. No I guess-

-Are you ok, Baby? Is everything alright?-

-Yeah, No. Im ok, just some things to think about for work-

-Ok… if you say so. I’m heading back to our room okay?-

-Yeah. see you later. Bye Osc-

-Thank you for being here and supporting me in everything Y/N… I know it’s not easy for you. I love you-

-I… I love you too Oscar-

f1news

liked by user 1 and user2

f1news after yesterday’s chaotic qualifying. The teams and the grid are only starting to heat up, with McLaren starting the fire. Oscar joining papaya isn’t as heaven sent as everyone thought.

While inside drama is brewing inside McLaren, are other drivers starting to pick sides? Yes they are! While some are neutral, it is obvious who are leaning towards supporting Oscar. The drivers had taken to instagram stories to show just on whose part of the McLaren garage they support.

user1 Chaotic is a way to put it. It was an absolute shitshow.

user2 I guess Mclaren couldn’t handle 2 talented drives at the same time. It’s actually so saddening, especially for Oscar. His team always puts Lando first at EVERYTHING.

user3 I find it hilarious how most of the grid are either on Oscar’s side or just doesn’t care.

user4 Only Carlos is actively still supporting Lando

user5 The dude has beef with Piastri, even before in Osc’s rookie year

user6 Carlos is very protective of Lando I guess

user7 Protective of Lando?? Dude the man is a grown adult! Carlos has beef with Oscar for a whole different thing I’m sure

user8 Everyone let us thank McLaren for the drama in and off track! you’ve made our lives more fun

user9 Ikr? might be torture for the people involved but its so entertaining for us. Lmao sorry Oscar.

user10 Max switching sides from Lando to Oscar is so freaking funny. Max is full out ignoring Lando

user11 Oh what i would give to know the tea behind that

user12 you know what would be iconic? Oscar throws another party

user13 Throw a party and invite all Mclaren then dip before it would even start

user14 ngl that screams Oscar fr

user15 I can’t wait for the race later! it would be carnage on track!!

user16 I’m watching Oscar for sure. Boy looks absolute mad during the qualifying.

skysports live

*paddock , track side*

-Oscar, just do your job and please keep your mouth shut. You’re under probation and comments against the team won’t make it any better-

-Yeah, yeah… why not fire me while you’re at it-

-Hi, Peter! I’ll take it from here… Well hello to you Oscar. How’s it at the back of the grid?-

-Great to see you too Lando. Yeah, it’s alright. It keeps me humble, not that you would know what that means-

-Oh, You’ll be more humble when I win today-

-Sure… not till you bottle turn 1 and lose the lead. Y’know like you always do-

-Lando, Oscar! What are you two doing back here? Oh yes, Oscar is in P17… can’t believe they’re considering you and not me. Tsk waste of a seat-

- Haha funny. Carlos, mate what are you even talking about?-

-That Red Bull seat shouldn’t be offered to you. Ferrari’s 2nd option shouldn’t be you!-

-What Carlos is saying is that you shouldn’t be offered seats or be driving at all, Mate. Honestly your better off back at Alpine. Good fucking riddance for us-

-Yeah, oh please fire me! and I’m not the one being replaced by Hamilton next year.

-Hijo de puta! You have the nerve?! -

-Whoa. Ok let’s all calm down. Oscar come with me-

-Oi! Charles were not done here. Oi!-

-Mate, what the hell??-

-Charles?? where are we going-

-Just keep walking. You cant stay out of trouble can you?-

-They came at me! I was seriously about to go my car. I swear, your teammate hates me. I didn’t do even anything to him-

-He’s loosing his seat, of course he’s pissed-

-Why at me?? Aren’t he supposed to be mad at you or even Lewis?-

-Ok, fine… you didn’t hear this from me. But Lewis’ contract isnt final with Ferrari and you are the next driver option-

-WHAT-

-So RedBull and Ferrari wants you… and Carlos wasnt even in the choices. So yes he’s livid and no he doesn’t like you-

-Oh…-

-Yeah, Oh. So get your act right and drive your ass off today. And maybe I or Max might have a new teammate next year-

*End of Oscar’s POV

Y/N.

liked by y/b/f , alexandrasaintmleux, markwebber, and others

Y/N. Here with you, no matter the goal. Always

tagged @oscarpiastri

oscarpiastri No matter the destination. Always

liked by author

mclaren Drop by the garage @y/n. we miss you!

redbullracing she’s with us today 😏

scuderiaferrari We have next dibs! 🤪

user1 why is redbull and ferrari in y/n’s comments??

user1 get married already!

user2 Y/N and Oscar support each other so much 🥺

user3 Wouldn’t be surprised if the two of them would elope or already be married.

user4 Oscar needs all the support right now.

user3 yeah thats sweet and all. But when are we getting the album tho??

user4 let Y/N have fun and take her time.

user5 I’m expecting a breakup and a love album at this point from you ms @y/n.

user6 Mom… Y/N and Oscar are being mysterious again. I’m scared

user7 I’m scared too 🥹

user8 like what goal are they talking about??? gettingg married?? starting a family?? change in careers??

user9 I need answers 🙂‍↕️

Notification: You missed a call from Manager Kim*

Notification: Manager Kim sent you a voice message*

-I see, you’ve made your choice. Don’t regret it. I’m done working with you-

Would you like to call Manager Kim back?

Yes or No

No

*RedBull Racing Motorhome: Lobby

-Hey, Y/N. You ready to go to Max’s garage? -

-Hi, Kel and hello P! yeah lets go-

-You ok, Y/N? is everything alright?-

-Hmm? yeah, yup. I’m ok. Just a lil weird not being in Oscar’s garage. Let’s go to the track! -

-Okay~ If you say so. P, can you hold auntie Y/N’s hand for me please? Mommy has alot to carry -

-Thanks, P! and thank you Kel-

-Yeah, I’m not stupid Y/N. Something is up I know it. But I won’t push you… i’m here if you need me, yeah?-

-Thanks Kel… -

F1

Liked by user1, user2, and user3

F1 And we have our podium drivers!! What a race indeed. 🏆

tagged @maxverstappen1, @charles_leclerc, and @oscarpiastri

user1 HOW IS OSCAR HERE??? P2? WHAT A DRIVE!!

user2 Man drove like a beast! His driving today was insane 🔥

user3 Oscar took yesterday’s qualifying personally 💀

user2 Lando being pole to p6 is just 🤡

user3 and his teammate started at P17 … is P2

user4 I can’t defend the man anymore

user5 Max and Charles really gave Lando a hard time during the first few laps huh

user6 Lando was so agitated in the team radio 😮‍💨

user7 I dont if i want to laugh or cry at Lando’s luck

user8 Charles defending P2 from Oscar was amazing driving, but Oscar was on smth else today!!

user9 Lando bottled the start. Gasp! … anyways.

user10 why aren’t we surprised 💀

user11 Isn’t anyone gonna comment about McLaren ordering Oscar to stand down?? Hello??? what was that?

user12 Not them ordering Oscar not to overtake Lando 🤢

user13 I’m so happy Oscar ignored team orders!

user14 Oscar deserves that driver of the day for sure!! Masterclass driving. He is a future WDC, i’m betting my house!!

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Maintaglist : @myescapefromthislife @peterholland04 @charlottef1 @fangirl125reader @mel164 @gnarlycore @chloelovesln4 @vickykazuya @merchelsea @ln4author @qzmef @nxk1309 @styl1shl1v @lottalove4evelyn @gr3yhues : closed for now

[chaotic-orphan]

Intoxicating Fear (XXIX)

The difference between Abuse and Power

Read part one // Master-post // Continued from here

Sorry it took so long!!! But I made this chapter extra long to make up for it guys!!! I hope you enjoy💛

Merry Christmas and Happy New year!!! I hope you all have a great time and mind yourselves. Thank you all for your words of encouragement during the rough time and making me smile and laugh while I was stuck in the dreaded prison of writer's block, but we are back babyyyyyy.... enjoy!

*~*~*~*~*

Kit heard Ambrose walking behind him. He tried his best to ignore him, but it didn’t really work because Ambrose’s stupid socked feet padded close behind as Kit walked the length of the first floor, away from Nathan and Jude. Away from the stairs Jude threw him down. Away from the abomination of healing and power that Nathan possessed.

“Kit,” Ambrose said eventually. Kit continued walking. He went through the next door on his left which opened up into a nice cozy looking library or study, or something, and walked over to the soft, navy plush couch in the far corner. He dropped into it, deflating like a balloon or a marionette with its strings cut. That’s all he was really, wasn’t it? A puppet.

Black eyes appeared in front of him, pleading, dark brows falling over them like a pitiful, sad puppy. “Kit, listen to me, everything I said and did before… I—”

“Don’t want to hear it?” Kit suggested, his shoulders bunched up around his ears. He felt his eyes water as he sucked his bottom lip into his mouth to stop it from quivering like a child. He raised his blue, bloodshot eyes to meet Ambrose’s stupid fucking demonic black ones.

“I don’t—” Kit said, scoffed, shrugged and ran his hands through his hair until his fingers tightened on the strands and started tugging on them just to show the kind of storm that was roaring in his mind outwardly. Not that Ambrose had to see a physical representation of his desperation. His blue eyes burned and red flashed across them like the glint of moonlight off a blade. Ambrose shrunk away from his crouch. His eyes widened slightly. “I don’t want to fucking hear it! Any of it. Your apologies, your guilt, your fucking excuses!”

Ambrose sat back onto his heels, even his stupid chocolate curls bounced perfectly, and Kit scoffed exasperated, ran a hand down his face, and wiped furiously at his tears with his thumb and index finger.

“I don’t give a fuck if you feel some kind of fucked up bond to me or whatever, Oskar!” Ambrose flinched. Good, Kit thought bitterly. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to fucking affect this bastard somehow. “I don’t care if you feel bad now, because trust me, we both know you didn’t give two shits when you thought I was just some random hero to terrorise!”

“Kit—” Kit lurched forward, getting his face close to Ambrose’s, his nose curled up in disgust.

“What happened to puppet, huh? What happened to a dog that only exists to obey? I would rather you looked at me like… like I was some fucking plaything for you to break and discard, instead of whatever fucking way you’re looking at me now. You’re—” Kit sucked in a breath, struggling not to hyperventilate. “You’re fucking sick, Rosey. You disgust me. And now I’m on house arrest from your crazy ex-boyfriend, who you seem to hate, but let’s face it, Rosey…”

Kit said. He licked his lips as if he had to prepare them for what he was about to say as he leaned in ever so slightly closer, lowering his voice to a whisper as he got close to Ambrose’s curls covered ear. “What kind of sane person would love you anyways?”

The door to the room swung open. Kit slunk back from Ambrose, his eyes dead and lifeless, expecting to be hurt for daring to insult Nathan’s precious toy but he didn’t care. It was worth it to see Ambrose flinch… to see him crestfallen for once.

But then why didn’t it feel good?

Why did he feel worse than before?!

Why has he become this cruel, hard thing? Was he always this way? Did Ambrose just hold up a mirror and reveal that to—

A flash of hands. Kit didn’t flinch, but his gaze snapped up to cold, furious silver eyes and eyes as cool as a lump of coal. “No,” Ambrose said, his voice soft.

“But—”

“No.” Kit’s eyes flickered back to Ambrose because that wasn’t sad, pathetic guilt-ridden Oskar speaking, that was Omen; commanding, controlled, even. A smirk slid its way onto Ambrose’s face, his black eyes turned even darker, glinting like light off a shard of onyx or jet, filled with humour and sardonic knowing and cruelty. A shiver ran down Kit’s spine as Ambrose used his leverage on Nathan’s hand to raise himself to his feet.

He didn’t break eye contact with Kit as he stood to his full height, which Kit only remembered was a good head taller than him, and then there were two sadistic giants looming over him. Kit fought the urge to shrink back and swallow. He wasn’t going to show them he was afraid. What would they do? Kill him? That would give him his first peaceful night’s sleep in weeks. Months?

“Oskar…” Omen tightened his fingers around Nathan’s wrist and brought his hand to his lips. Nathan stilled as Ambrose wrapped a second hand around Nathan’s long fingers, curling them as he lifted and pressed a kiss to Nathan’s knuckles.

“I don’t need you to fight my battles for me, darling,” Ambrose said, his voice roiling like smooth velvet. Black eyes slunk towards Kit’s. “Especially not with the likes of washed-up heroes before their prime.”

Nathan stepped closer to Ambrose, his back to Kit. “I could kill him for you. Make you a scarf out of his entrails.”

Omen chuckled. Kit’s blood ran cold at the sound. He forgot how silently terrifying Omen could be; how terrifying Ambrose could be.

“You’re sweet,” is all Ambrose replied. He leaned up on his toes to kiss Nathan. Soft, sweet, short, before he pulled away. “But no. He’s used up already. I thought he would be fun to play with, but you can see as well as I can…”

Kit swallowed audibly, his fingers tightened into fists on his thighs as he looked away from the statue staring him down, making him feel two inches tall. “He’s got nothing inside worth taking anymore. He’s given up. He’s not worth the effort.”

Kit stared furiously at the bookshelf to his left, eyes skimming colourful titles trying to ignore the stabbing pain of betrayal in his chest. Isn’t that what he wanted? For Ambrose to stop pretending? Isn’t that why he poked and prodded him until—

“Kit,” Kit’s eyes widened as he felt Omen’s ability ghost through his mind like brain freeze. He shot up off the couch, and grabbed Ambrose’s arm, tightened, pleading.

“Rosey, don’t, pl—”

Ambrose grabbed Kit’s cheeks in one hand and squeezed tightly until Kit’s lips were forced to form a small ring. Kit’s hand shot up and grabbed Ambrose’s wrist, about to beg and plead again. Weren’t they past this? Was this all his fault? Was Ambrose really—

“I think you need a nice, long nap, Kit, don’t you?”

“No!” Kit protested.

“Mmmm, your eyes are feeling so heavy though, aren’t they? And your limbs are exhausted, and you need a really good rest to recover and fight again when you wake don’t you?”

Kit let out a small whine in the back of his throat… because yes, he was feeling tired, and a blissful sleep sounded so fucking good right now. At least then he could turn off the blaring voice in his head screaming danger, danger, danger at him.

“What danger, Kit?” Ambrose asked, his voice so soft and so, so far… away, as if it was a distant melody floating through the air in the other side of the house. Kit swayed on his feet and fell into Ambrose’s open arms. What danger was right, what was he thinking about? His thoughts were liquifying quickly in his mind and sliding slowly away from consciousness. “There we go,” Ambrose cooed, putting his fingers through Kit’s hair. “That’s it, just relax. You want to sleep, don’t you, Kit?”

“Yeah,” Kit mumbled. He went boneless against the villain as Ambrose sat the two of them on the couch again. Ambrose sat down where Kit was before and dragged Kit down with him who was too tired to resist. Kit curled up on the couch as Ambrose gently put Kit’s head on his lap which was as comfortable as a luxurious pillow. Maybe shutting his eyes for a few minutes would be okay, wouldn’t it? He needed his strength after all and… he yawned as Ambrose brushed a hand through his wild, uncut hair.

“That’s right, just a few minutes sleep, and you’ll feel amazing when you wake up.” Ambrose said. Kit didn’t really hear him, but he hummed in reply as his eyes shuttered closed, blissfully unaware of the scorching silver eyes glaring down at him.

***

Ambrose continued to stroke Kit’s hair as the hero’s breath evened out. Ambrose felt his weight droop heavier against him, drifting deeper into sleep in a matter of moments. He could feel Nate’s eyes on him, but he didn’t bother to look up at him, keeping his eyes fixed on the boy’s sleeping head and soft breaths. It was easier to ignore the questions in Nathan’s head and eyes and just focus on the sleeping Hero on him.

God, if only Kit would stay this way forever.

Not that Ambrose would want that, but it would be easier. Why did he have to fight him on everything? Even things that were good for him! It was… exhausting. If this is what having children felt like, Ambrose was almost certain he didn’t want any of the vile things… especially not if Kit remained in his life after all this was over.

He was enough of a handful as it was.

“Why Oskar?” Nate asked, his voice suddenly, terribly vulnerable.

Ambrose didn’t look at him. “I don’t know, Nate. I guess… I told you already. I took too much from him already.”

“That’s a cop out. We both know it.”

Ambrose shrugged. “Think what you want.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Ambrose knew it the moment it left his lips in a tired, defeated sigh. He could feel Nathan’s demeanour shift from confused to defensive in a second, his stance tensing, the air changing around them, becoming thick in Ambrose’s throat.

“Well, if you won’t give me any straight answers, how about I wake him, and ask—” Ambrose’s head snapped up, black eyes catching silver in their void stare.

“You’ll do no such thing.”

Nathan scoffed and clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “You’re impossible when you’re protective. This is like the Catherine situation all over again.”

Ambrose stiffened. “Don’t talk about her.”

Nathan smirked. He crossed his long arms over his torso, silver eyes gleaming. “It’s true,” he said with a shrug of a shoulder. An attempt to be casual that was anything but. “You always liked to collect strays, Oskar, it’s like a passion project of yours.”

Nathan’s eyes went to Kit in Ambrose’s lap, his fingers wound through the boy’s hair. “Though,” he continued, his voice dipping as his eyes caught Ambrose’s again. “This one you and your father have to share.”

Ambrose’s nostrils flared. “You’re just being cruel for the sake of it now, Nate.”

“So, what if I am?”

“Well, what about you, then?”

Nathan blinked.

“You and all your posturing and grandstanding, how you can absorb so many people’s abilities— mine, Jude’s, my father’s, Kit’s…” Ambrose listed, shrewdness possessing his weighted gaze as he tilted his head at his ex. “How you pretend it doesn’t bother you to hold all that power inside and maintain it there.”

“It doesn’t bother me.”

It was Ambrose’s turn to scoff. The edge of his lips quipped up. “You say that, but I saw how weak you were after healing his wounds. You went pale after, dearest. If you think I wouldn’t notice that then you don’t know me at all.”

Nathan stared down his nose at Ambrose and the sleeping Hero. His eyes softened. “No… maybe I don’t anymore.”

Ambrose swallowed as Nate unfolded his arms. He walked a step closer and leaned down. Ambrose barely suppressed the flinch, but it didn’t matter because Nate could feel Ambrose’s stiffness when he pressed a kiss to his forehead. He smiled against the skin and pulled back.

“I’ll leave you to it.” He said, one hand still lingering on Ambrose’s cheek. He froze midway, and his touch turned bruising as he tilted Ambrose’s head to the side and forced him to look into his swirling, silver eyes. “Don’t do anything stupid, darling. You know how much I hate bruises on your pretty face.”

Ambrose stared as Nathan released him, watching as his psychotic ex walked away, grabbed the door and slammed it shut on the way out. Ambrose couldn’t suppress the flinch that time as he stared down at Kit. He didn’t stir. Still sound asleep. Unaware of Ambrose’s tremors of fear at Nathan’s farewell threat.

Oh, he knew how much Nathan hated bruises on his face alright… he knew all too well just how cruel he could truly be.

***

Six years ago…

Oskar and Max stumbled out of the University pub and down the streets back to their apartment in Old Town. God, what a night. What a glorious night, and how long had it been since Oskar could just let loose with Max like that? Get absolutely hammered. He laughed as he threw an arm around Max’s shoulder.

“I love you, Max.”

“That’s really gay,” Max replied, and the pair burst into snorting laughter. Oskar craned his neck down and pressed a wet kiss to Max’s hair as they walked towards Fagan’s lot. They didn’t notice the group of four guys approaching them until one of them shoulder checked Max.

“Woah!” Max said and Oskar turned, about to tell the dicks to watch it when one of them muttered something that chilled him to the core and froze him in place.

“Fucking fags.”

Max grabbed at Oskar’s arm, sensing the shift in his posture. “Oskar come on. They’re small minded—”

“Excuse me,” Oskar hissed. The men stopped and turned. Oskar shrugged Max’s hand off.

“Oskar, just leave it.” Max said.

“No, I won’t just leave it. What did these pricks mutter but not have any fucking balls to say to our faces, huh?”

Oskar went towards the tallest, broadest guy and shoved him back. “Huh? What the fuck did you say?”

“Oskar!”

“You better back off, lamppost and listen to your boyfriend or you’re gonna get hurt.” The tall— well, tallest of the group — broad man stank of beer and had a truly hideous beard. Both of which Oskar personally took offence to.

Oskar straightened to his full height, a good head and shoulders taller than this piece of shit and grinned sadistically down at him.

“You tell him Mitch.” One of the others said.

“Yeah,” another chimed in, “run back to your boyfriend, faggot.”

Oskar’s head snapped to the offender. He was the shortest of the group, blond – obviously he was fucking blond – with tiny pubic hairs tweezed onto his chin in the mock shadow of stubble. He was stick thin and looked like a fucking weasel with a sharp pointed nose and tiny squinting eyes.

“Number one,” Oskar said, holding a bony finger up. “Ew. I wouldn’t date this man if he was the last man on earth,” Oskar said.

Max blinked behind him. “Uh, ouch?!”

Oskar glanced back over his shoulder. “Hush. You know I love you.”

“Fucking queers, I swear to—”

Oskar turned back to glare at the men again. “Two, it’s fucking homophobic to use the words faggot and queer in a derogatory manner towards my friend and I, and I think you should fucking apologise. Right now.”

“Or what?” Mitch challenged stepping forward.

Oskar’s eyes darkened. “Or else. You only get one chance to do the decent thing.” He said, holding his index finger up, his dark eyes searched Mitch’s face, trying to convey how serious he was. “One.”

“Show this fucking princess what real men do.”

Oskar sighed, his head dipped, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “I did warn you.”

Mitch went to throw a punch and Oskar stepped back. He caught Mitch’s arm and punched him in the face before shoving him back and kicking him away. Oskar brushed away the curls that fell into his eyes before throwing his arms up in defence of his face from another of the dick’s punches.

“For,” Max began, punctuating his sentence with punches, “fuck’s” punch and the guy went down, “sake, Oskar.”

Oskar grinned. “They’re little bitches, Max, what do—”

Oskar’s head whipped to the side suddenly. He didn’t see his attacker come upon him until he was already hit, fire raging in his cheekbone and someone was cursing as a fist drew back. Another blow came from below, knuckles cracking against his jaw. Oskar stumbled back. His head turned skyward as his bottom teeth snapped against his top and ricocheted through his skull.

He didn’t see the third blow come for his solar plexus. The fist landed and Oskar shot forward as he wheezed a startled sound. A hand caught his cheek and slammed a palm against his nose. Oskar cried out as blood gushed down his face, gasping as he stumbled back again, the world dizzy with tears as his eyes watered reflexively.

Then.

Heat in front of him.

Oranges and yellows licked against the air, standing between Oskar and the homophobes. Warm blood turned cold as it poured from Oskar’s nose and trickled down through his fingers and onto his clothes.

“Yeah, who’s the little bitch now?”

Max scoffed. “Fuck off, asshole.”

“Should’ve known you were freaks too,” one of them said. Oskar’s eyes narrowed, tears spilling over his eyelids as he straightened. He could feel his eyes go the same red as his blood and he put a hand on Max’s shoulder, stepping past him.

“Oskar,” Max said. Caution coloured his voice as Oskar stepped around the human fire ball. “Don’t.”

“Fuck it, why not?”

“Oskar! You can’t—”

“Mitch,” Oskar said. The words sounded as sweet as a melody. Irresistible, and why would you want to resist? He knew the moment it hit Mitch’s ears because he paused as the honeyed words swam into his ears. “Kiss the best looking of your friends.”

Mitch obeyed without question.

He chose the second strongest of the four, grabbed his cheeks and slammed his lips against them. The other two, including the little weasel looked a little annoyed more than angered by the fact that Mitch didn’t find them attractive.

Oskar tilted his head to the side and grinned horribly at them. “Aww, feeling left out, uglies? It’s okay. The two of you kiss too.”

“Itch… off…” the good-looking one said, trying to shove Mitch off of him.

“Oskar! Stop it!”

“Why should I?” Oskar demanded, his little finger twitching as rage consumed him. “Maybe I should make them fuck each other in the street like dogs. Maybe then they’ll learn some fucking manners.”

Heat singed the edges of Oskar’s ear, burning away the stray baby curls. Oskar gasped, jumping to the left and cupping his ear with his hand. He looked over his shoulder to see Max glaring up at him.

“What the fuck?” He hissed.

“What the fuck yourself! Tell them to stop! Tell them to forget!”

Oskar straightened. His pride getting the better of him. “Why should I?”

“You know right well why Mr Law major! You know how unethical this is?! I’m serious. Tell them to stop right now, or else.”

Oskar kept Max’s burning stare for a moment longer before the rage dissipated like smoke in the darkness. He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Fine,” he said, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he turned back to the group of dickheads.

He walked over to the group and told them, “okay loverboys. Enough.”

The group pulled away from each other disgusted. The good looking one, the one that had gotten the punches in on Oskar’s face wiped furiously at his mouth. “What the fuck, Mitchell? Why did you do that? What about Diane?”

Mitch stared at his hands, his face a putrid shade of red. “I- I… I don’t know why I did it… I-” He looked up then at Oskar who stood smugly, hands in his tailored trouser pockets, reeking of expensive cologne and tangible satisfaction. All a farce, a fake, a falsehood, the Oskar that Oskar created after his departure from his legacy role as a hero. “You…” Mitch said, raising a shaking hand. “It was you! You told me… and I- I couldn’t…”

Oskar tilted his head to the side, his smirk widening, exposing his teeth in a wolfish grin. “Couldn’t resist? Maybe you just really fancied him.”

A sharp slap to Oskar’s arm and he yelped as Max stepped up beside him, smog rising from his ears and Oskar felt his blood run cold. “Ow!”

“Tell them to forget. Now.”

“Forget?” The weasel one asked, looking just as terror struck as Mitch and the others. “Make us forget?!”

“You’re a monster!” The other one said.

Oskar bent low and said: “boo.”

The weasel actually flinched. Oskar would have laughed if Max wasn’t about to roast him over the grills of hell, so Oskar clapped his hands together. “Okay, idiots, listen up. You will forget you ever met me or Max tonight. You will forget our faces. You will forget you called us faggots. And…” Oskar glanced at Max sideways and grinned. “Whenever you think of calling someone queer or gay, or faggots, you will remember kissing your friends today. And you will also donate your life savings to a charity for LG–”

Oskar flinched when he felt a lick of heat against his face. “Okay. Not your life savings, but you will donate a small donation fee to any LGBT charity in the city and be general allies to the queer community from now on, capiche?”

The four men nodded dumbly. Oskar straightened with a clap. “Good. Wonderful. Later losers.”

Oskar walked off down Fagan’s lot whistling a happy tune. “Happy with yourself, are you?” Max asked behind him.

Oskar laughed. “Yup. Pretty damn satisfied.”

“That was fucked up, Oskar.” Oskar paused, his smile dimming. Max walked around to his front. “You know that was wrong.”

Oskar let out a huff of breath. “They were fucked up, Max! I’m sick of walking around like I don’t have this power! Something I can use to–”

“To ruin people’s lives?”

“You’re being dramatic.” Oskar said, waving away Max’s dramatics.

“No!” Max protested, gathering Oskar’s attention. “I’m not! Did you hear that guy? Mitch had a wife, or a girlfriend, what if he had kids?”

“Poor kids.” Oskar replied coldly.

Max grabbed him by the shirt and slammed him back against the wall. Oskar’s black eyes widened with surprise at Max’s force. “Don’t you see how fucked up that could be? Telling him to donate his life savings to a charity? What about his wife? His bills? His kids?”

“Maybe being a shitty person means you deserve to have your life fall apart!”

“Is that why yours did?” Max demanded, eyes ablaze. Oskar stiffened under Max’s knuckles. Max may as well have slapped him for the reaction his words caused. Max’s grip loosened. “Oskar…” he said softly.

“No,” Oskar replied. He ran a hand through his hair that had fallen over his eyes, casting them in shadow. God, he really needed a haircut. “No, you’re right. I… I was reckless and I was irresponsible and… you’re right. I’m sorry.”

A silence fell between them. After a minute, Max let go of Oskar’s shirt and let him stand up properly. A grin cracked Max’s handsome face then. “But… it was satisfying to see how horrified they were after kissing each other.”

Oskar grinned and let out a little laugh. “Right?” And just like that they were back to normal and walking down to their apartment block, laughing up the stairs and into the dingy apartment, Max struggling to open the door, having to kick it once, twice, three times, but it stayed stubbornly closed.

“Oh, for crying out loud,” Max cursed, and shouldered the door open. The door slammed in and Max stumbled and nearly hit the floor if it wasn’t for Oskar grabbing his arm at the last second, laughing as Max cursed.

“Fucking door!”

“About time you got home.”

The two boys straightened at the voice. Oskar helped to steady Max before he went looking for his boyfriend in the apartment. “Nate? What’re you doing here?” Oskar asked with a big smile on his face. When Nate turned his expression immediately darkened and he was in front of Oskar in a second, hands cupping his cheeks and tilting his head up.

“What the fuck happened to your face?”

Oskar waved him away and went into give Nate a kiss, he missed him he realised. It had only been a few days since they had seen each other, but still. Oskar was drunk and his boyfriend was here, and he was happy.

Nate’s strong hands stopped Oskar from kissing him and Oskar let out a small whine. “What’re you–”

“What. The fuck. Happened to your face?” Nathan asked again and Oskar shrunk under the tightness in his tone. His fingers dug uncomfortably into Oskar’s cheeks and Oskar grabbed Nathan’s wrists and tried to pull them off, but he didn’t budge.

“Nate… Nate,” Oskar said, gasping, eyes pained and pleading. “Nathan, you’re hurting me!”

“What happened to your face?”

“Get off me, Nathan!”

Max appeared between the two and Nathan released Oskar. Oskar took a heavy step back; betrayal pinched his features tight on his face. Oskar shrunk under Nathan’s glare, horribly aware that he had done something wrong and now Nathan was mad, and he hated when Nate got mad.

“Just some douchebags, Nate,” Max said, cutting through the thick tension in the room. “It’s fine. We gave as good as we got.”

“Whoever laid a hand on you…” Nathan said, his voice small, but holding back the ferocity of a storm on the sea. His eyes bright with a cold fury. “Whoever dare hurt you…” he said, his expression softening as he stepped forward and cupped Oskar’s face in his hand again. Oskar flinched when Nathan put his hands on him and wanted to curl up at the look of hurt that passed across his boyfriend’s face. “Your poor face…”

“I’ll live,” Oskar whispered and stepped out of Nathan’s hold.

Max looked between the two. He threw his hands up. “Yeah. I’m also fine, Nate, thanks for asking.”

“Oh shush,” Nathan purred, waving Max away. “You’re like a cockroach, you’ll never die.”

“You could still show some concern. It wouldn’t hurt.”

Oskar excused him as he walked down the hall to the bathroom, his hands shaking violently as he slammed the door shut and locked it. He put his back against the door and gasped when he saw himself in the mirror above the sink. Fuck… fuck… fuck…

Fuck, tears welled up in his black eyes and Oskar felt sick suddenly. A warm feeling climbed his stomach, and he lurched towards the toilet and threw up into the bowl. Not a second later a knock at the door and Oskar froze.

“Osk? Babe, you okay?” Oskar had to tighten his fingers on the toilet to stop his hands from shaking.

It’s fine, he told himself. It’s just a crash from the adrenaline of the fight. It’s fine. He’s fine.

“Oskar?” A rattle of the doorknob and Oskar flinched hard again.

Yeah… the fight, totally what he was afraid of…

The next day when Oskar was walking back to the University, he passed a bloody crime scene that made his skin prickle and crawl, and his blood run cold. “Do we have an ID of the bodies?”

“Good thing we had their IDs, or they’d all be John Doe’s.” One of the investigators said. “I don’t know what did this, but it looks too violent for an animal, too… vicious. Calculated.”

Oskar stopped walking. “Mitchell… Dawkins…” One of the lead detectives said and Oskar turned back, and half ran home and up the stairs to his apartment. He had to throw up again as he stumbled into his apartment, sick to his stomach as nausea climbed thick up his oesophagus. All he could think of was Nathan’s hands on his face, the fury in his eyes… the… oh god… no… there… Nathan couldn’t have done something like that… but somewhere, somewhere deep down, Oskar knew he was lying to himself and that thought made him hurl more than the crime.

***

Ambrose stared down at the sleeping Hero in his lap, his bony fingers gently running through his matted hair, combing out the knots of dirt and blood. “Don’t worry, Kit,” Ambrose whispered. “I won’t let him do that to you. I promise. We’ll get out of here. Together. I promise. Just give me time.”

*~*~*~*~*

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[pixiecaps]

posted this playlist a year ago today so i thought i’d be fun to explain the songs i chose. below i put a section of the songs that i really like and also translate the lyrics either into english or spanish so enjoy :3

Track 1: Please Please Please Let Me Get What I Want - Deftones

“So for once in my life. Let me get what I want. Lord knows it would be the last time. Lord knows it would be the first time”

Traducción: “Así que por una vez en mi vida. Déjame tener lo que quiero. Dios sabe, que sería la ultima vez. Dios sabe, que sería la primera vez.”

the song is basically someone who has gone through a lot of despair pleading to be allowed the little bit of happiness theyve gotten after a real rough life. with qroier i feel like he acknowledges he loses everything and everyone and its like him pleading in the song for this one exception. this song is also a cover of the original version by the smiths but i felt like the deftones version captured more of the sound and emotions qroier would feel expressing the sentiment. they also slightly change some lyrics like in that final verse they change from “lord knows it would be the first time” which is repeated twice in the smiths version to instead “lord knows it would be the last time” and then finally “lord knowing it be the first time.” which really fucking adds to how hopeless and blunt it all feels. the way i interpret line change is you know this is going to be the last time something good happens to me so its simultaneously the first and last for this person and theyre still begging for it while being aware of that.

Track 2: All I Think About Now - Pixies

“I remember we were happy. That’s all I think about now. If you have any doubt. I want to thank you anyhow.”

Traducción: “Recuerdo que fuimos feliz. Eso es todo en lo que pienso ahora. Si tienes alguna duda. Quiero darte las gracias de cualquier manera.”

this song for me is about jaiden and bobby and the family roier had with them. it’s like an after reflection of what they had and an apology to jaiden and bobby and himself in a way. just qroier being stuck in the past and feeling like he could’ve been so much better because he “failed” when maybe he isnt the judge of that. i really do imagine this as a conversation with jaiden in my head.

Track 3: And I Lover Her - Kurt Cobain

“A love like ours will never die. As long as I hold you near me.”

Traducción: “Un amor como lo nuestro nunca morirá. Mientras te tenga cerca de mi.”

another cover. i think its obvious the type of sound im going for and i really just wanted certain musicians to have a spot on the playlist. the way kurt sings this one was so perfect for roier that there was no way it didn’t get added. this one is a song dedicated to how qroier feels about cellbit. #1 spiderbit warrior reporting for duty.

Track 4: Blow Out - Radiohead

“In my mind and nailed into my heels. All the time killing what I feel. And everything I touch turns to stone.“

Traducción: “En mi mente y clavado en mis talones. Todo el tiempo mantando lo que siento. Y todo lo que toco se convierte en piedra.”

this one for me nails qroier’s feelings of feeling like everything he does and touches fucks up. captures the feeling pretty well.

Track 5: Otoño / Invierno - The Space Ocean

“Mi cuerpo duele otra vez. Está cansado de correr hacia eso que nunca podrá tener. Todo se empieza a desvanecer.”

Translation: “My body hurts again. It's tired of running towards what I’ll never be able to have. It's all starting to fade away.”

for me this song is a reaction to bobbys death particularly thinking of the timeframe after the rescue bobby mission and the day in the pool that he spent hours in dissociating. this song sorta captures how i perceive roiers feelings in that moment and what was going through his head. i really like the last part of that verse cause it all did begin to fade when bobby was confirmed never coming back. everything he had built after he had lost so much in the betrayal, his family, jaiden, his kid, his home, everything just slowly faded away and i imagine it felt familiar. he had experienced this already with spreen and missa etc. its a cycle he seems to be unfortunately tied to.

Track 6: Del Otro lado - Aevnu

“Qué va a pasar ahora que nada sucedió. Qué va a pasar ahora que somos tú y yo. Volteame a ver y dime qué voy a estar. Con todo esto creo que voy a enloquecer. Y me hundo en lo profundo de este mundo y solo pienso en ti. Solo pienso en ti. Y me comen los segundos. Ya no escucho solo pienso en ti. Solo pienso en ti.”

Translation: “What's going to happen now that nothing happened. What's going to happen now that it's just you and me. Turn to me and tell me that I'm going to be okay. With all this I think I'm going to go crazy. And I sink deep into this world and all I think about is you. All I think about is you. And the seconds are eating me up. I can’t hear anymore I just think of you. I only think of you.”

qroier uncertainty. post bobby death. early spiderbit. roier needing that saving from drowning in his own misery and finding comfort in cellbits company. just a lot of sadness mixed emotions and falling in love. also i did not realize how indie this song was until i couldn’t find lyrics anywhere and had to transcribe it myself to pick a verse i like kkkkkkkkkkk.

Track 7: Espacio Pequeño - Princesa Cereza

“Te siеnto como un grito bien guardado que me abraza еntre suspiros. Con tus dedos tocando mi piel. Amárrame y enrédame a tus ojos no me sueltes te lo pido. Aunque finjamos que todo está bien (no lo está).”

Translation: “I feel you like a well-kept scream that embraces me between sighs. With your fingers touching my skin. Tie me up me and entangle me in your eyes don't let me go I beg you. Even if we pretend that everything is fine (it's not).”

yet another little love song about cellbit. also more misery while loving. spiderbit really is a lot of we’re constantly going through so much pain and bullshit but we have each other. that’s whats keeping them both afloat.

Track 8: No Me Siento Mejor - Panico

“Cierro los ojos y escapo a ese lugar para no hundirme más. Pero esta sombra no me abandonará y el tiempo no se detiene jamás. No me siento mejor.”

Translation: “I close my eyes and I escape to that place so I don’t sink any deeper. But this shadow will not leave me and time never stops. I don’t feel better.”

incredibly short song. this one is more focused on the grief qroier felt around bobby’s death and again i go back to thinking about his day in the pool where spends so many hours there. i can picture him eyes closed floating in the water and thinking about that one day in the rose fields with bobby and jaiden to comfort himself but when he opens his eyes he can feel that grief stuck with him now and time is still going no matter how much he wishes for it to stop.

Track 9: Resentment - A Day To Remember

“No, I can't stop feeling like every day's exactly the same. With a one track mind I don't think I can change. Trapped in memories, stuck on replay, replay, replay.”

Traducción: “No, no puedo dejar de sentir que cada día es exactamente igual. Con una mente unidireccional que no creo que pueda cambiar. Atrapado en los recuerdos, atrapado en la repetición, repetición, repetición.”

you know. qspreen. and roiers issues with his revenge grudge anger. resentment. argh.

Track 10: Honey - Hole

“Why wasn’t I good enough to save you from destruction? And your end and my beginning, oh, they need no introduction.”

Traducción: “¿Por qué no fui lo suficientemente bueno para salvarte de la destrucción? Y tu final y mi principio, oh, no necesitan introducción."

bobby death song. no one talk to me

Track 11: I Guess - Mitski

“It's been you and me since before I was me. Without you, I don't yet know quite how to live. If I could keep anything of you I would keep just this quiet after you.”

Traducción: “Hemos sido tú y yo desde antes de ser yo. Sin ti, todavía no sé muy bien cómo vivir. Si pudiera conservar algo de ti me quedaría con este silencio después de ti.”

mandatory mitski inclusion. this one to me is sorta a dedicated song to the family structure roier had with bobby and jaiden. it’s a goodbye to them and a thank you.

Track 12: Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing - Set It Off

“So tell me how you're sleeping easy? How you're only thinking of yourself? Oh, show me how you justify telling all your lies like second nature. Listen, mark my words, one day (one day) you will pay, you will pay. Karma's gonna come collect your debt.”

Traducción: “Dime, ¿Cómo duermes tranquilo? ¿Cómo piensas solamente en ti? Muéstrame cómo justificas diciendo todas tus mentiras como segunda naturaleza. Escucha, marca mis palabras, un día (un día) pagarás, pagarás. El karma vendrá a cobrar tu deuda.”

qspreen song yayyy betrayal yayyy qroier anguish and anger yayyy revenge yayyy!!!!!

Track 13: Hurt - Nine Inch Nails

“What have I become? My sweetest friend, everyone I know goes away in the end.”

Traducción: “En qué me he convertido? Mi dulcísimo amigo, todos a quienes conozco se van al final.”

just qroier depression. his pain.

Track 14: Out Of Control - She Wants Revenge

“We can't slow down even if we tried. If the record keeps spinning so will I. She likes disco and tastes like a tear. Tells me don't stop dancing and she's pulling me near.”

Traducción: “No podríamos detenernos incluso si lo intentáramos. Si la canción continúa girando yo igual. Le gusta la discoteca y sabe a lágrima. Diciéndome ‘no te detengas’ y acercándome a ella.”

this one simply put is a melissa song. like from the pov of someone at casualonas dancing with her. iconic.

Track 15: ¿Dónde Estás? - Denso

“¿Dónde estás? ¿Adónde irás? No te puedo encontrar y no sé qué hacer. Si esté bien buscarte otra vez.”

Translation: “Where are you? Where will you go? I can't find you and I don't know what to do. If it's okay to look for you again."

as the title explains just a song that in my head roier sings it about cellbit after he leaves him on the island and hes like where are you? i also like that the last part of that line says again cause for spiderbit it is the second time qro has to look for cellbit and hes almost asking like you left me again will it be alright if i look for you again? the answer is yes.

Track 16: Señorita Revolución - Bruses

“Cuando ella camina la poesía está en la calle. Y le parte su madre a cualquier wey miserable. Si la vez pasando más te vale ser amable. Y si no rompan todo que esta morra esta que arde”

Translation: “When she walks, poetry is in the street. And she'll beat the shit out of any miserable guy. If you see her having a bad time you better be kind. And if you don't, break everything, cause this bitch is on fire.”

another melissa song everyone cheer. shes a badass and im in love with her what else can i say?

Track 17: Maneater - Daryl Hall & John Oates

“I wouldn't if I were you. I know what she can do. She's deadly, man, she could really rip your world apart. Mind over matter. Oh, the beauty is there, but a beast is in the heart.”

Traducción: “No lo haría si fuera tú. Sé lo que puede hacer. Ella es mortal, hombre, podría destrozar tu mundo. Mente sobre materia. Oh, la belleza está ahí, pero una bestia está en el corazón.”

melissa again. yay!!!! ^_^ i think perfectly describes the tricking qquackity situation melissa is a man eater!!!!!!!

Track 18: Turista - Cazzeros

“Me encuentro en todos lados menos dónde quiero estar. Se siente tan vacío tener que volver a empezar. Soy un turista de emociones. Sin rumbo y sin soluciones. No quiero regresar siempre al mismo lugar.”

Translation: “I find myself everywhere but where I want to be. It feels so empty to have to start over. I am a tourist of emotions. Without direction and without solutions. I don't want to always return to the same place.”

the song kinda focuses on someone who feels like a wanderer without direction and purpose really and i think that applies to roier especially with his feelings. this ones fun to read into.

Track 19: Demolition Lovers - My Chemical Romance

“And as we're falling down, and in this pool of blood. And as we're touching hands, and as we're falling down. And in this pool of blood, and as we're falling down. I'll see your eyes, and in this pool of blood. I'll meet your eyes, I mean this forever.”

Traducción: Mientras caigamos, en esta piscina de sangre. Mientras nos acariciemos las manos, mientras caemos. En esta piscina de sangre, mientras caigamos. Veré tus ojos, en esta piscina de sangre. Nuestras miradas se encontrarán, lo prometo para siempre.”

whenever i listen to this song i so vividly think of qroier and qcellbits conversation right before purgatory where they agree go down that path together and theyre a sacrificial mess and theyre willing to do anything and theyre in it together. thats what this song captures for me and just like the song it does feel like their death and the downfall you know? theyre in that pool of blood together.

Track 20: Si No Te Hubieras Ido - Marco Antonio Solis

“No hay nada más difícil que vivir sin ti. Sufriendo en la espera de verte llegar. El frío de mi cuerpo pregunta por ti. Y no sé dónde estás. Si no te hubieras ido, sería tan feliz.”

Translation: “There is nothing more difficult than living without you. I’m suffering in the wait of watching you return. The chills of my body ask for you. and I dont know where you are. If you hadn’t left me, I’d be so happy.”

this one doesnt need much of an explanation. cinta one song. spiderbit. roier sadness and yearning and longing and desperation over cellbit. the usual. i actually did a whole post breaking down this song here!

Track 21: Siempre Te Voy a Querer - Arroba Nat

“Perdón por no estar a tu lado. En mi mente yo te llevo a diario. Son tantos recuerdos que guardo en mi corazón. Siempre te voy a querer. Y espero que el tiempo a mi lado no sea tan malo porque soy difícil de entender.”

Translated: “Sorry for not being by your side. In my mind I carry you daily. There are so many memories that I keep in my heart. I will always love you. And I hope the time by my side wasn’t so bad because I'm hard to understand.”

this one for me a song dedicated to bobby. particularly after losing him and roier sorta just reflecting. longing for a past you cant get back even.

Track 22: Crecer - Las Ligas Menores

“Está muy mal si ya nada de verdad me importa? Está muy mal si ya no confío en nadie? Está muy mal si ya no creo en ciertas cosas? Como el cielo es azul y el odio no duele.”

Translated: "Is it very bad if nothing really matters to me anymore? Is it very bad if I don't trust anyone anymore? Is it very bad if I no longer believe in certain things? Like the sky is blue and hate doesn't hurt."

lets give a round of applause to post betrayal depression.

Track 23: The Blood - The Cure

“Tell me who doesn't love what can never come back. You can never forget how it used to feel. The illusion is deep its as deep as the night. I can tell by your tears you remember it all.”

Traducción: “Dime quién no ama lo que no puede volver. No puedes olvidar nunca cómo se sentía. La ilusión es profunda tan profunda como la noche. Puedo darme cuenta, por tus lágrimas, que lo recuerdas todo.”

longing and nostalgia. and what if i said this was a song about qspreen. particularly about roiers memories with him and inability to let go of the past. being unable to move on.

Track 24: Un Amor Violento - Los Tres

“Cuando por primera vez te vi supe que el cielo era para ti. Y para mí. Y para ti y para mí. Nunca más podré dormir, nunca más podré soñar con nadie que no seas tú. Gastaré toda mi vida en comprar la tuya. Gastaré toda mi vida. Y más.”

Translated: “When I saw you for the first time, I knew heaven was made for you. And for me. For you and for me. I could never sleep again, I could never dream again with anyone that isn't you. I will spend my whole life in buying yours. I will spend my whole life. And more.”

cellbit. song about cellbit. roier in love. so in love.

Track 25: Bleed Out - The Mountain Goats

“There was a chance we'd make it through this. It's safe to say now that we've missed it. And I won’t ever lose hope and I haven’t lost hope. I’m just realistic. I will go down punching, but I will go down. And my corner men won’t bring me back around. Bleed out, I'm gonna bleed out.”

Traducción: "Había una posibilidad de que saliéramos de ésta. Es seguro decir ahora que la hemos perdido. Y nunca perderé la esperanza y no la he perdido. Simplemente soy realista. Caeré a puñetazos, pero caeré. Y mis esquineros no me traerán de vuelta. Desangraré, me desangraré.”

roiers constant struggle with the federation and acknowledging the likely morbid end. this ones fun to read into.

Track 26: Blood & Fire - Type O Negative

“Moi cherie, you remain a mystery to me. I see your face in every flame. With no answers I have only myself to blame. Of all the women that I have known - they're not you. I'd rather be alone.”

Traducción: "Moi cherie, sigues siendo un misterio para mí. Veo tu rostro en cada llama. Sin respuestas, sólo puedo culparme a mí mismo. De todas las mujeres que he conocido - no son tú. Prefiero estar solo.”

spiderbit song particularly after cellbit stayed on the island and roiers sorta rage. usually with these songs i picture a music video in my head and with the lyric of the flame i always imagine it showing the flame from all of cellbits cinematics. directing a whole music video in my head with every reference in the world.

Track 27: Si Yo No Te Tengo a Ti - Hombres G

“Yo no tengo nada que me haga sonreir. Nadie que me abrace fuerte y me haga feliz. No tengo nada que hacer. No tengo porque vivir. No tengo nada de nada, si no te tengo a ti. Solo quiero que estés cerca de mí.”

Translated: “I don’t have anything that makes me smile. Nobody to hug me tightly and that makes me happy. I have nothing to do. I don't have a reason to live. I have nothing at all, if I don't have you. I just want you to be near me.”

more roier depression over cellbit leaving him.

Track 28: Un Millón de Primaveras - Vicente Fernández

“Te molesta aguanta por favor. Te lo juro estoy a punto de olvidarte. Solo falta un millón de primaveras. Unos cuantos siglos solo he de adorarte. Solo falta un millón de primaveras. Después de eso ya no vuelvo a molestarte.”

Translated: “It bothers you, please bear it. I swear to you, I am just about to forget you. All that’s left is a million springs. Just a few centuries is all I need to adore you. All that’s left is a million springs. After that, I will not bother you again.”

this ones on the playlist cause its what he sang to bobby during día de los muertos and i think about that a lot. this song is about a father and son relationship specifically as a tribute after the musician who produced and wrote the song lost his son (he doesnt sing it however) so the fact qroier sang it to bobby sorta eats me alive and makes me sob.

Track 29: The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails

“You're keeping in step in the line. Got your chin held high and you feel just fine. Cause you do what you're told. But inside your heart it is black and it's hollow and it's cold. Just how deep do you believe? Will you bite the hand that feeds? Will you chew until it bleeds?”

Traducción: “Mantienes el paso en la línea. Mantienes tu frente en alto y te sientes muy bien. Porque haces lo que se te dice. Pero por dentro tu corazón es negro y esta vacio y es frio. ¿Qué tan profundo crees? ¿Morderás la mano que te da de comer? ¿La masticaras hasta que sangre?”

anti federation qroier sentiment song. this song itself is political so its fitting.

Track 30: Película - Perras On The Beach

“Quiero mil vidas. Al lado tuyo moriría. Pero de verdad esto es al final. Amor profundo. Pero la verdad te quiero hasta el final de este bello mundo. Me han apagado. No tengo el control. Ya no se ni como me siento.”

Translated: "I want a thousand lives. By your side I would die. But the truth is: this is, at the end, deep love. But the truth is: I love you until the end of this beautiful world. I have been turned off. I do not have the control anymore. I don't even know how I feel anymore."

i like to imagine roier singing this song during purgatory about cellbit particularly when hes with green gay ninjas and just fondly missing cellbit and reflecting on how much he loves him.

Track 31: Lo Que Construimos - Natalia Lafourcade

“Esta historia terminó, no existe. Lo que un día construimos, se ha esfumado. Pareciera que es más fácil dejarnos. Pero eres un fantasma conmigo caminando. No creas que no valió la pena. No creas que no eres importante. Al contrario, yo te amé con toda el alma. No creas que no valió la pena. No creas que lo perdimos, esto que nos duele. Aunque nos duele, es solo nuestro.”

Translated: “This story has ended, it no longer exists. What we had one day built has gone up in smoke. It seems easier for us to leave each other but you’re a ghost walking along with me. Don't think it wasn't worth the effort. Don't think you aren't important. On the contrary, I loved you with all my soul. Don't think it wasn't worth the effort. Don't think that we lost it. This pain of ours, even though it hurts us, it's ours alone.”

The song talks about the end of something two people built together so this is qroier and qjaiden for me. the family they built is gone and it’s the end of their story isnt it?

Track 32: Esta Es Pa No Pensar - Sioqué

“Así no puedes seguir, tienes que pensar en ti. No saben como estoy. No saben como estoy cuando estoy sola. Cuando estoy sola. No dejan de decir que la vida sigue por ahí quiero irme de aquí. Yo quiero irme de aquí. Cuando estoy sola. Cuando estoy sola.”

Translated: “You can’t continue like this, you have to think of yourself. They don’t know how I am. They don’t know how I am when I’m alone. When I’m alone. They won’t stop saying that life keeps going I want to get out of here. I want to get out of here. When I’m alone. When I’m alone.”

this song focuses on themes of addiction and more generally people not noticing how much you may be struggling when youre alone. being at a point where you’re disregarding everything including your health and no one coming to save you. that level of low just reminds me of qroier despite him not actually dealing with any type of addiction. more-so the mentally spiraling whilst alone and no one noticing or coming to save you.

Track 33: La Muerte Chiquita - Café Tacvba

“Dame la muerte chiquita. Antes del último sueño. Una cosa a Dios yo pido. Un segundo ser su dueño. La venganza es cosa dulce. Y este machete que tengo es por si alguien le hizo daño. Que yo por usted me muero. Es por si alguien le hizo daño. Que yo por usted... Dicen que usted trae las sombras y por dentro está toda herida. Por una noche en su lecho soy capaz de dar la vida.”

Translated: “Give me death, little one. Before the last sleep. I ask one thing of God. To be your owner for one second. Vengeance is a sweet thing. And this machete that I have is in case someone has harmed you. Because for you I would die. It's in case someone has harmed you. Because for you I would… They say that you bring the shadows and inside are all hurt. For one night in your bed I'm capable of giving my life.”

another spiderbit song focused on qroier willing to give it all for cellbit and to protect him. and being down bad tremendously.

Track 34: Knives Out - Radiohead

“I want you to know. He's not coming back. Look into my eyes. I'm not coming back. So knives out. Catch the mouse. Don't look down. Shove it in your mouth.”

Traducción: “Quiero que sepas. Que él no va a volver. Mírame a los ojos. Yo no voy a volver. Entonces cuchillos fuera. Atrapa al raton. No mires hacia abajo. Mételo en tu boca.”

this song can be interpreted in a lot of ways but to me ive always listened to it under the lens of someone close to you dying. in the case of qroier its about bobby to me. and the violent aspects of the song reminded me a lot of purgatory for roier. particularly how with bobby’s death roier never came back in a way. he was never the same again. all he craved after that was vengeance.

alternatively you can look at this song completely differently and make it about qroier and doied and that completely changes the way you listen to it. very fun song.

Track 35: Selfless - The Strokes

“Please don't be long, 'cause I want you now. I don't have love without you around. Life is too short, but I will live for you.”

Traducción: “Por favor, no tardes, porque te quiero ahora. No tengo amor sin ti cerca. La vida es muy corta, pero viviré por ti.”

another song focusing on roiers devotion for cellbit particularly after cellbit has left him after purgatory.

Track 36: Paint It, Black - The Rolling Stones

“I look inside myself and see my heart is black. I see my red door I must have it painted black. Maybe then, I'll fade away. And not have to face the facts. It's not easy facing up. When your whole world is black.”

Traducción: “Miro dentro de mí y veo quе mi corazón es negro. Veo mi puеrta roja, debo tenerla pintada de negro. Tal vez entonces me desvanezca y no tenga que enfrentar los hechos. No es fácil enfrentarlo cuando todo tu mundo esta negro.”

more qroier depression particularly thinking of whenever he’d switch his skin to the one with the black hoodies.

Track 37: Brain Stew - Green Day

“My mind is set on overdrive. The clock is laughing in my face. A crooked spine, my senses dulled. Past the point of delirium. On my own, here we go.”

Traducción: "Mi mente está puesta en sobrecarga. El reloj se ríe en mi cara. Una columna torcida, mis sentidos embotados. Pasado el punto del delirio. Todo solo... allá vamos.”

qroier during purgatory song. that being one of the first times hes actually on his own and i feel like song capture his attitude during that moment. i also like it since irl roier was sick so i kinda like to imagine qroier was also feeling like shit not just from the fighting but cause he was a little ill himself.

Track 38: Reuse The Cels - Car Seat Headrest

“Will it be like before? Will I lose you again? If we reuse ourselves could there be any other end?”

Traducción: “Sera como antes? Te perderé otra vez? Si nos volvemos a utilizar podría haber otro final?”

this is written as a breakup song but i like to think of it in the context of qroier getting pepito and all the doubts he had about him considering everything he went through with bobby. reusing in this context for me would be using himself as parent of an egg again.

Track 39: She’s so Mean - Matchbox Twenty

“Every now and then she makes you just a little bit crazy. She'll turn the knife into your back and then she's calling you 'baby'. Crazy”

Traducción: “De vez en cuando ella te vuelve un poco loco. Ella va a girar el cuchicllo en tu espalda y luego te esta llamando 'bebe'. Loca.”

melissa song!!!!! <33 her sass her attitude her hard to get self. the mean part really channels roiers vibe when he tricked quackity in this song.

Track 40: Maneater - Nelly Furtado

“She's a maneater, make you work hard. Make you spend hard, make you want all of her love. She's a maneater, make you buy cars. Make you cut cards, wish you never ever met her at all.”

Traducción: “Ella es una debora-hombres, te hace trabajar duro. Te hace gastar duro, te hace querer todo su amor. Ella es una debora-hombres, te hace comprar coches. Te hace cortar tarjetas, te hace desear que nunca la hubieras conocido.”

another melissa song<33 just like songs that point out how she uses men and whole reason for existing was to trick quackity. also that shes hot.

Track 41: First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

“Yours was the first face that I saw. I think I was blind before I met you. And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been but I know where I want to go.”

Traducción: “Tu cara fue el primero que ví. Creo que era ciego antes de conocerte. Ahora no sé donde estoy, no sé dónde he estado pero sé a dónde quiero ir.”

roier in love with cellbit song. thinking of how they were the first people they saw through that glass. how after that the course of roiers life was changed.

Track 42: Back to the Old House - The Smiths

“Here began all my dreams. The saddest thing I've ever seen. And you never knew how much I really liked you. Because I never even told you. Oh, and I meant to. Are you still there or have you moved away? Or have you moved away? I would love to go back to the old house. But I never will.”

Traducción: “Aquí comenzaron todos mis sueños. Lo más triste que he visto jamás. Y tú nunca supiste lo mucho que me gustabas. Porque ni siquiera te lo llegué a decir. Oh, y lo intente. ¿Aún estás allí o te has ido? ¿O te has ido? Me encantaría ir de vuelta a la antigua casa. Pero nunca lo haré.”

this song for me focuses a lot on the original wooden community house roier had with missa spreen and mariana. the first lyric of here all my dreams began is able all the scope roier had in the beginning especially with his dream of opening a taco shop.

also could apply to much later when the egg event started and all his dreams of a winning family with bobby and jaiden beginning in that house as well.

going back to roiers relationship with spreen the lyric you never knew how much i liked you cause they were truly best friends but it was not exactly explicitly stated by roier ever and they didnt really talk about how they felt but roier really really cared about spreen and its shown through his actions pre betrayal.

and never going back to that house is like roier reflecting on all of this in a reality where he made it to that new place on the island and he had to let go of that community home he had built and everything that happened there. lots of different ways you can see this song because it was connected to so many different people who stayed there.

Track 43: Bodysnatchers - Radiohead

“I have no idea what I am talking about. I'm trapped in this body and can't get out.”

Traducción: “No tengo idea de lo que estoy hablando. Estoy atrapado en este cuerpo y no puedo salir.”

this ones pretty self explanatory. roier identity crisis song taking place upon him realizing he literally isnt in his own body!! yay!!

Track 44: Weird Fishes / Arpeggi - Radiohead

“I'd be crazy not to follow. Follow where you lead. Your eyes, they turn me.”

Traducción: “Sería una locura no ir. Ir adonde tu vas. Tus ojos, me transforman.”

the uncertainty that comes with fighting against the federation and escaping the island. pushing past that. hes diving in cause cellbit pushes him further. he’s going down that path with him. getting eaten by the worms like doied and the federation. hitting the bottom and escaping which you can interpret in your own way. this entire song is interesting to interpret in your own way.

Track 45: Brutus - The Buttress

“And I'd be lying if I said I wasn't wishing for untimely death or demise. Or am I just wishing I could be like you?”

Traducción: “Y estaría mintiendo si dijera que no deseaba una muerte prematura o un fallecimiento. ¿O simplemente estoy deseando poder ser como tú?”

doied song from doied pov in the qroier playlist my god he even took over his body here!! less about the lyrics and more about the actual story being told.

Track 46: No One Noticed (Extended Spanish) - The Marias

“Estás, tan dentro de mí. Te sigo pensando. Te sigo esperando. Y estás, oh, tan lejos de mí, oh. Te sigo pensando. Me canso llorando.”

Translation: "You are, so deep inside of me. I keep thinking of you. I keep waiting for you. And you're, oh, so far away from me, oh. I keep thinking of you. I get tired crying."

no one noticed did they. except for cellbit. roier needed him so desperately. then he left him like everyone else.

everyones free to interpret all these songs however they want for qroier. also i still add songs whenever i feel so this post will also likely keep being updated with time :3

qroier playlist: tears and the smell of blood

[thyfleshc0nsumed]

Fuck I definitely need a new laptop and a new pair of glasses why is this happening during the literal worst month financially I've had all year

[ender1821]

im a child of divorce

[spaciebabie]

at first getting diagnosed with cptsd was like, "yay my trauma has been validated (it always was valid)!" and i really thought that was going to be it, but then i started to do research as i do whenever i realize i have something and learned that!! the way i experience socialization is!! quite horrid actually!!

[cluescorner]

I cannot imagine being a Damian stan right now. You've got both Zdarsky's bullshit (where he clearly doesn't give a shit about your boy) and The Boy Wonder (where Juni Ba clearly gives so many shits about your boy) coming out on the same day. The whiplash must be insane. I hope y'all get some nice warm soup for your efforts jfc

[uniquezombiedestiny]

I don't want you to forget me I want you to die with me. I miss you I should have lived. I love you. Why are you putting these words in my mouth?

(artfight attack for @tsunagite, ft. reinhardt :3)

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[phagodyke]

the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍

[just-mebs]

I finally finished playing Outer Wilds and I'm like,, this game has completely crushed me

[discjude]

Yeah this is about right (as always my thoughts are in the tags so there's actually kei content there lmao)

[trans-yllz]

there she is!!!

[lecliss]

I'll never be able to take the theory that Vincent is Sephiroth's real father seriously cuz I cannot stress enough how important I think it is to the plot that Vincent wanted to fuck Lucrecia and did not get to.