#its just a mental breakdown im okay
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#memes#dank memes#funny#funny content#funny post#funny stuff#best memes#fresh memes#hilarious#lol memes#relatable tweets#relatable#its just a mental breakdown im okay#mental health memes#actually mentally ill#my thoughts#i mean i am funny#twitter meme#gay meme#cat meme#me me me
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lord its so dark in here the sahara desert of tsaritsa content you are like a shining oasis. your characterisation of her compels me & mihoyo would be hard pressed to top it imo.!! caaaaan i humbly request yr thoughts on her first meeting w a reader of any kind, or maybe even multiple kinds (sagau, sagau god au, isekai, etc) if you so desire...
it really is like a desert here. being the fan of a character we aren't getting until the last damn nation is driving me up a wall but i will persevere bc if nothing else i support morally bankrupt women in media. we r in a severe drought over here but i do my best. unfortunately nothing i say is ever coherent so pull out your translation notes its abt 2 be messy
also this got out of hand but thats bc first meetings w the tsaritsa are tricky to write + a LOT of her characterization lies in deeper exploration then just surface level yknow...NOT A DIG AT YOU this is just my excuse for rambling. gently pats the tsaritsa she can hold so much complexity i do not have the word count to delve into it completely :]
gonna talk cult au for a bit here though because that's 99% of my content. and honestly? she thrives in sub au's of the cult au like villain au + imposter au. it's basically made for her. i mean, early days, the imposter au had been going around for a little while but one of the first few ideas was the Fatui taking reader in so like. it kinda technically actually was. pretty sure cult au Tsaritsa popped up because of the imposter au. a lot of it's writers kinda left though which. man am i getting old or.
anyway.
there isn't much of a chance her first impression is all that positive. at best it's usually neutral, imo, but rarely if ever positive. specifically because i view the Tsaritsa as someone who isn't as fanatical as most of the acolytes typically are towards the creator. she's not exactly going to worship the ground you walk on unlike a certain geo lizard. which is partially why i think she thrives in the sub au's i mentioned.
imposter au, for example. she meets you at your lowest. there's no gaudy extravagance or pampering from the acolytes waiting for you because your own acolytes have turned on you. for all intents and purposes you aren't a "god" at all. which is why i don't think she meshes well with normal cult au reader. the Fatui are made up of outcasts, basically, and imposter au slots right in just perfectly. you're weak, at your lowest, when you meet the Fatui in the imposter au. and the Fatui can help you, too.
a mutual exchange, really. the Tsaritsa sees a tool she can use to one up the rest of the nations and especially Archons, and she has no qualms about you using her and the Fatui in turn. you both want something out of it, after all. whether you just want to be safe from the rest of the acolytes, or you want revenge, or whatever else..she'll give you the power to fulfill it, and she gains the strongest piece on the chessboard when all is said and done.
the best way i can describe the first meeting is "practical", i suppose. she sees an opportunity in you. the ultimate gamble. because if she "saves" you, and you dont trust anyone else because they tried to kill you, well..she holds all the cards, doesn't she?
but the Tsaritsa, imo, is just as capable of being just as fanatical towards you as anyone else. she just won't worship you as the creator. but as yourself? clawing your way back to your divine power and taking back what belongs to you? the Tsaritsa is, to me, a character who's character flourishes in long-term fics more because she changes a LOT between "just met reader" and after having been with reader for some time. she's practically apathetic at the beginning but a lot of her character, in my characterization, shines through LONG after the first meeting.
#asks#Anonymous#sagau#tsaritsa#like. am i explaining this coherently?? first meetings r GOOD and i could go on a tangent of like. first meetings w zl and make it work#but first meetings w the tsaritsa is like. you just cooked a 5 course meal. took one bite. called it a day.#so much of my characterization lies in the “after” of the first meeting#because her first meetings are generally the same. she's apathetic at best!! she does not gaf abt the creator in the SLIGHTEST#but show that you are more then the creator? that you do not cling to the title like a shield? that you do not rely on it?#youve got the worst person youve ever known ready to kill a man for you.#tsaritsa is very like. EXTREMELY hard to earn the trust of but when you do she will kill someone for you no hesitation no question#which is why she works SO WELL in villain au and imposter au!!!!!!!!!#esp if theres a fake “creator” calling you the imposter. she hates their ass and was .5 seconds from dethroning them anyway#you just made it 10x easier#also cant do just first meetings bc i am incapable of not shoving themes of love into every fic w her SORRY#tsaritsa going on a full multiple month long mental breakdown bc she is not in love with you but she would destroy everything for u..#(shes in denial)#tsaritsa and complex themes of love and what it means for the god of love to be incapable of feeling it + what it means when reader shows u#LIKE UGHHHHHH okay. i guess ill write another tsaritsa fic and put it in my vault#aka my drafts#i hold so many fics hostage there its crazy#this answered like 0 of ur questions sorry i see tsaritsa and black out and this happens#i just think first meetings dont let her character really come thru but my response got out of hand so uhhhhh everyone look away. please#putting tape over my mouth now so i shut up before this gets worse#basically tsaritsa gravitates more towards outcast reader rather then one who has already become accustomed to the adoration of the acolyte#does that make sense........#i havent slept in forever and im running on nothing but spite and dreams atp dont expect coherency when it comes 2 the tsaritsa from me#head in hands someone please stop me i keep rambling abt the tsaritsa it makes me go NUTS#lays down. explodes
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Geto hc2: he's somewhat insecure about (that hourglass body of his) his body so he covers it up with baggy clothing + this insecurity literally only got worse with age which is why he looks like a penguin sometimes
#geto headcanons#suguru geto headcanons#suguru headcanons#geto suguru#jjk headcanons#satosugu#also I just wanna say the body ratio on that one scene in jjk0 from Gojo to Geto will always be funny to me okay bye#is anyone else having a normal thanksgiving actually?? like its surprisingly tame compared to how it usually is. maybe it's because im sick#and not slaving around like a dog. everything is so forgettable now like i genuinely dont remember yesterday. do you??#idk if its obvious or not but I'm having a mental breakdown rn
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2023 Australian Grand Prix - Fernando Alonso(ft. Max Verstappen & Lewis Hamilton)(my personal post-race highlights)
#i seriously think this race took like 10 years off my life#i think i aged about 50 yrs during it and had about 5 mental breakdowns#i dont think i can sum up all my thoughts: just look at my liveblogs and youll see my emotional rollarcoaster#to quote will buxton: “its been a long day.” AND I HAVENT EVEN SLEPT YET WAHHHHH#anyways absolutely wild race but yknow what im glad i experienced it and ty to you all for being here with me#when else am i gonna experience such fuckery#apologies to everyone affected by my yelling and screaming i think i lost my mind about 10 times#props to nando for his consistency#not only has he gotten p3 3 races in a row#but he also lost and regained his p3 twice in a very confusing way(i think i was abt to have an emotional breakdown at the third restart)#okay but things that make me squeal: THE WAY FERNANDO LOVES HIS TEAM AND THE WAY THEY LOVE HIM and THE WAY MAX TAPS HIM ON THE BACK HEHEHE#fernando alonso#max verstappen#lewis hamilton#2023 australian gp#fa14#mv1#lh44#we do a little bit of f1#f1#formula one#formula 1#(2023: 3/23 races watched)
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anyway i realized yesterday this is like. the first time in my life. possibly ever. that im like not constantly experiencing some level of emotional terrorism or actively traumatizing nonsense so im ready to fucking thrive actually
#i say that like i dont work customer service at a fucking grocery store kjsedhfgdfkl;hjg#its not the same okay#it was literally#shitty parents/chaotic childhood > teenage bullying and mental abuse > mental breakdown >#watching my mom die > more mental breakdown > emotionally manipulative ex > emotionally controlling friend group lynchpin#IM FINALLY FREE ALL THE BOSSES HAVE BEEN DEFEATED#its just club autism smoking weed and chilling now baybee!!!
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aru sekai shoushitsu is an 11 minute song i listened to on accident because i was too tired to look at the length & was just solely like man thats such a cool title for a vocaloid song i hope it lives up to it and it 100% did. i didnt have any idea there was a story behind it it just thought it was such a cool sounding song & i remember clearly playing animal crossing past 4am with it on loop. completely forgot the producers name & didnt recognize them when they posted kyuuyaku hankagai so it took me like 3 days to actually listen to it & the SECOND i heard the nami no ne no motif i lost my mind. that was it for me ive been so deep into it since then i dont think theres a way to pull me out. at the start everything had such weird phrasing it was so hard to sort out what was stylistic and what was direct story telling & even now its sometimes difficult, but the fact with every new song we get a new version of the story and new info & everything ties together to consistently for a project made by one person over the course of several years with this level of detail.
going from knowing its a story about trying and failing to prevent the world's destruction to finding out not only are they doomed to repeat it, the only way out is to completely give up on their own self and accept total death. putting together the timeline from little hints some of which u have to sort through which is fact and which is a character's own narration distorted by either their emotions or intentionally. the fact the story telling is not entirely direct, the lyrics are only one facet of it, it goes as far as using the genre of the song to express things, theres just so much. ive been into my fair share of vocaloid song projects but this is the most precise and delicately handled one i've encountered. there is so much care and attention put into every single one of those songs it would just be insulting to not take it seriously. there was a moment i was worried it was going to turn into the same song but different when we got maximizer and then kanon and i'm so so glad that isn't the case because the way theyre handling it now really shows how important it is to them. this is a person who posts some of the most ridiculous memes ive seen & has some now popular meme songs and even with that attention they've said they're continuing to take the series seriously and that alone says so so much about the weight of this project to them.
i'll be honest with you i dont think there's a good end to this story. with the info we have now, with how aru sekai shoushitsu, the story outline song, goes i cannot see a happy ending for any of these characters. i wouldn't be surprised if it turned out we're only being shown one instance of that certain world & it ends in a way that implies despite all their efforts it's just going to happen all the same all over again, just with certain people lost forever and others willing to try more underhanded tactics to try their ideas that ultimately wont work anyway. i don't think there will be a real resolution to any of the problems. but even then there are so many currently unrevealed secrets & the overall commentary the work is making in the first place that sticking around for whatever ending we're given will be well worth the wait
#aru sekai series#its stated they keep their memories across iterations of the world. so.#given how kanon as a song went i cannot imagine how low other characters are willing to go#like im always picking out apoptosis for acting out & she IS mean among other things#but i honestly do not think in the next 'loop' that she would be even remotely close to the biggest threat#laboratory's gone we dont have to wordy about her anymore but anyone like her is a problem#the willingness to give okays while consciously overlooking major problems is more of a threat#than the girl just having The Absolute Worst Mental Breakdown of Her Life#like shes certainly not helping but shes far from the only one causing problems#kanon too. negligent . one of the bigger problems. and shes still alive even if she does regret it#im not even going to pretend to be normal about this series its been 4 years and my interest never wavers#also theres the promise of the fuu song possibly being finished soon. so.#i WILL be losing my mind. its been so long#whens the last song. isnt kannagi like basically a year old at this point. god.#i wonder if the fuu song will be a miku song#all the kanji heading songs (kyuu/shuu/ou) have miku so far i wonder if that Means something#if thats a Choice that'll continue or if it's simply that they didnt have as many synths at the time
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You know, just once, I'd like to go to work and not have an existential crisis.
Just saying.
#relatable#probably#rant#vent#but barely#work#i hate my job#work things#job things#life things#existential crisis#idk what to tag this as#just ignore this#im having a crisis#and also#im having a breakdown#*inserts the kazoo “its a mental breakdown” audio*#woohoo#im not okay#hehe...#help
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I think I can officially call my art blog a public archive since it's not getting any blog action
#the only guy who kept liking my art abandoned tumblr and now i have to send them it on sc#and im not bitter or anything im just. a bit amused. like. my art isnt masterpieces but it isnt THAT BAD either.#i. on the other hand. am very bad at being popular.#i cant even get finances for my research i cant get friends who like me for who i am lets not even talk abt life partner and i cant get to#i just cant get to be liked by others#this is NOT abt art#this is abt me as a person#and i cant keep but wonder whats the problem what is my problem why is it so#okay im full on breakdown in the tags#and it turns out i cant live by my own! i need other people! to stay alive in this world!#am i mentally ill? do people actually like me and im just not seeing it?#who knows!#im just. very tired and sad and lonely and its never getting any better bc im deeply messed up#but at least im going on a trip in 3 days. travel always lets me forget#cheers to travelling and being messed up in this world! yeehaw
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oh im like. crying crying now i guess
#ember talks#i know its okay to feel bad but i. feel really bad#its frustrating that in 5 days im just gonna have to muscle thru this mental breakdown and be a person and move and then start a job#a job i know im probably qualified for but still so stressed abt#and the bugs. i am trying not to think about the bugs#people keep asking what they can do to help and i dont know#i wish i did know
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Somebody needs to show me some compassion AND THAT BITCH IS GONNA BE ME BABYYYYY
#second day of my period which is usually the worst#and i bleed through a pair of boxers PLUS sweat pants earlier even though im wearing the night pads#and my gp gave me iron supplements again evem when i wasnt on my period#maybe#just maybe#ITS FUCKING VALID THAT I CANT CONCENTRATE ON FISH STUDIES FOR MY BA PROJECT#MAYBE IT IS OKAY TO CRAWL BACK INTO BED AND READ WIND BREAKER VOLIME 3 AND 4#FUCK IT I MIGHT EVEN START WATCHING THE ANIME AFTER#SELFCARE IS SELF + CARE WHICH MEANS YOUR GOTTA TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF BITCH#AND THAT INCLUDES TAKING AN ACTUAL BREAK EVEN IF YOURE NOT LITERALLY FAINTING OR HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN#love yourself bitch#random talk
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Current vibe
#vibes#its just a mental breakdown im okay#just girly things#this is a joke#funny#funny content#memes#dank memes#funny post#funny stuff#best memes#fresh memes#hilarious#lol memes#ahhhhh#lol monkey#monkey king#monkey#sad thoughts#sadgirl#sad vibes#sad photo
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starting to panic abt the move. im under so much stress.
#.txt#its been coming for years. weve been planning it for years. but now its 4 months away and its reslly starting to set in#being in wa feels right. when we went in oct it was the most 'right' ive felt in years.#seeing the mountain felt right. being in the rainforest felt right. i felt like i was exactly where i was supposed to be for the first time#since i was a kid. i know this will be good for me. i just dont know how im going to handle such a big task.#i was 12 when we moved to mn so i didnt have to deal with any of the moving process besides packing my room#so this is really big for me and its super overwhelming and i just want to shut down#but i CANT#its such a huge mental task and i know its going to be super stressful but i dont have the capacity to fully actualize everything until its#really happening. i need to talk to a therapist i need someone else to make sense of all the shit going on right now#i need someone to just take the fucking wheel for ONCE and tell me everything is going to be okay but so far every single adult in my life#who ive talked to is telling me its a stupid idea and we wont make it and its going to fail#i need someone on my side for ONE MINUTE#for the love of god can i please just have an actual support system for five minutes#can someone please just actually fucking support me for once instead of talking bad about every fucking decision ive made in my adult life#can someone please just fucking be my parent for once. i want my mom. i want my mom to tell me everything is going to be okay.#vent#vent in tags#i am so close to a breakdown but i cant fucking afford one. this cant happen rigjt now i need to hold it together for a little bit longer.#just a little bit longer
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what if you needed reassurance abt smth very specifc . and you wanted to go to a specifc person for the reassurance. but that person is so busy ad talking abt and getting reassurance abt this thingwas also a topic that you know your upsetness abt lead to them feeling bad too becuase hastag every single thing i touch become sick with sadness or whatever but then you where like oh i know. i have what they said writen down someonewhere in mydrawer my drawer of things theyve said to me i think its actually at the very top of my drawer even so i dont have to do searching thru things and then im like oh yeah my drawer is in a room with a bunch of my other shit and the key was stolen by someone whose refused to even listen to me when ask if they can maybe unlock the drawer and this has been the case for THREE WEEKS NOW STAFF UNSHADOWBAN @CARULIAA NOW !!!! @staff @support @joebiden @taylorswift @god @carmensandiego
#im going to blowed up NOWW im not even jokingg uh !!!#flappy rambles#EDIT: IM REMOVING @MISHACOLLIONS WHY DID IT ATUALLY AT HIM. MISHA IM SO SORRY#LOVED UR WORK AS GAY ANGEL CASTIEL IM JUST HAVE A MENTAL BREAKDOWN SORRYY#its @ing taylor now idc i dont thts rly her still running her acct. or if it is HII TAYLOR ILYSMM IM SO SORRY UR MUSIC IS THE BESTEST EVER#edit. oh my god @joebiden isnt the offical acct run by the intern its just an empty url. please not be used in years please#dont be a popular blogger whose gonnsa screendshit this and mock me#if you are look okay i didnt fucking know thisi was actually gonna @ a real person so if you make fun of me ur just a dick#and ik u already are if you where going to but like. look dm me ill start a sideblog and post whatever stupid shit u want there#and u can screenshot that to make fun of. pls just leave me and my acutal moment of vunrubilty alone please okay
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youtube
this video makes me want to sob and throw up and scream and cry and collapse onto the floor
#actually like sobbing through it this is going to kill me genuinely#god ive not cried these kind of tears in a while LOL#i cry a lot but not whete it makes my chest hurt like this#everyone should watch Get Back. best docu ever made actually :)#but no theres smth about getting a beatles song in the year 2023#like its not smth i ever imagined but now that it exists its like wow. its truly over. its a fucking solid conclusion and it hurts so badly#im going to rip up my pillow the emotional pain this is bringing me is actually heart wrenching#my one brother one time was like the Beatles are so mid and overrated and i wanted to leap up and strangle him across the table#THEYRE LIFE CHANGING OKAY 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#idk its just so much my childhood :/#and this song is ripping my heart out </3#and hearing them talk about this being the last beatles track ever. like yeah i KNOW but god fuck ouch#the way they talk about george and john im going to bang my head into a wall#mayne i shoulf rewatch get back and have a mental breakdown#i told my friend about that docu when it came out and hes like wow that sounds incredibly boring#how dare you how fucking dare you. 8 hours of content????? fucking...great#but no seriously to listen to this song released now and it sounds exactly like their original work. im gonna throw up i feel so ill#never recovering from this actually 😊#catie.rambling.txt#Youtube
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#i love how im in the middle of a mental breakdown and im still made to feel guilty abt feeling how i feel#i hate it here!! and its all my fault so i guess theyre right i have no reason to complain#its rly hard to find a reason to not just kms at this point#i doubt it would even matter to anyone besides my pets if i did#i probably wont but god i just want everything to end#im sick of ppl talking so badly abt me for just existing#i felt good abt myself today too!! and now thats ruined bc i couldnt just hold everything in#u would think if u find someone crying u would have even an ounce of sympathy instead of trying to play the victim but i guess not#ignore me#<< okay so i went on a walk and i feel better after talking w my brother so i guess im feeling slightly less like i want to kms#also we saw someone walking their cat!! i guess its the little things that matter idk#no but rpy ignore this i just needed to vent im okay i promise
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once again fellas, its time to Stress
#i still havent applied to a single job this month cause listings to stuff i could actually do full time dont exist#im limited on all physical mental and educated side so my what i can reasonably apply for is. not a lot#and with them now stopping to list summer jobs. theres like fuck all left whatsoever#and the month is halfway through and they most likely wont be getting much better as we go on#on top of that three of the four places i applied for last month have taken the listings down and i have not heard anything back#i mean i think one place said they start going through them early april but the other two? just gone and no contact#both positions were said to be filled asap and its been like two weeks so :) fuck me i guess#AND now im sitting here like. okay if i dont get a job school applications are open for two weeks#i looked at one place and their application tasks and immediately got so overwhelmed#i have no hope in this world fellas. i dont belong here im not meant to do anything in here. i dont fit anywhere and nobody wants me#im so close to a mental breakdown again YAY#i know you dont care i just need to barf this somewhere sorry im gonna go. yall dont need this either like said i dont fit anywhere#night is an absolute mess on main
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