#its implied that he does it by accident just by touching things every so often

[purple-fangirl]

#supernatural#icarly#listen#icarly started in 07#spencer had already gotten into law school#dropped out after 3 days#and is well established to have been carlys caretaker for some time#so he was ABSOLUTELY pre-law in 2005 just like sam winchester#spencer never told his dad that he quit law school to pursue his artistic career until the very last episode#he is his little sister carlys PRIMARY CAREGIVER#their mother is never mentioned!!! at all!!!#also he literally sets shit on fire all the time in icarly#its implied that he does it by accident just by touching things every so often#i know its not the same as demon blood powers but its like#a thing

Hey, you know that one character? The one played by the tall, long-haired actor? The one who was pre-law in 2005, and well on his way to going to law school and getting a degree until an unexpected family issue reared its head, and he dropped out and chose a different career path? Y’know, he’s got that complicated relationship with his father, a parent-child relationship with his only sibling, and has some strange, destructive abilities that tie in with multiple traumatic experiences with fire?

[murasakispace]

Adam/Shindo Ainosuke X Male Reader

Author's note : Adam needs a bit of love, don't you think? A little love that doesn't imply to hurt Tadashi. It doesn't prevent that it is certainly crap. English is not my main language and it must be awful.

Warnings : NSFW, spanking, degradation and all the BDSM pack.

You were a newcomer, a rookie here. In S. You had the time to watch the local legends fall from their safe sky on the large screens. The most incredible was the race against Langa. Well... You were still wondering if his name was really Langa. Maybe you misunderstood, hidden in your shadows. First Joe, then Cherry and finally Adam. You had to admit their style was eclectic. Even them had to learn again. They were believing themselves as gods because they were the founders of a clandestin course. It made you shrug a little while you were observing them.

People were people. Here, in S, freedom was at its most powerful. A place were no one could say, order to someone something he doesn't want to do. Everything was ruled by skateboard and the people's talent. You were quite happy of that. Because of an accident years ago in mountains with your motorbike while you were heading to the summit so as to practice snowboard. You had the ambition to reach the Winter Olympic Games in half-pipe. You fell from a cliff and you miraculously landed meters below with broken ribs instead of your backbone.

During years you suffered and your dream of medals in the Olympic Games was gone, vanished into the air. Your well-known recklessness almost hurried you in your grave. In the hospital, you spent the last three years to reeducate with an omnipresent pain in your back, anger against the people who had forgotten you when you would have given them your soul if they asked for it an ended alone. You nearly lost your mind when you woke up from coma and nothing appeared in front of you. You weren't able to see anymore. Time went by and you found yourself offered the chance to remedy to your blindness. But it doomed you to wear particular sunglasses every day of your life. A little cost considering what you've been through.

You suffered. You were still aching but less than these last month. Moreover you felt better each day passing. Only eternal scars remain. And to be here in S got you like you were free as much as before your accident. And you would thank Adam for this. Yet, you meant nothing, watching the same scenes which were playing in front of your eyes.

You were sitting on your motorbike far behind the last people composing the crowds ahead of you. Actually, the last time you came at S was when Adam had been defeated. Since then, you weren't coming as often as you should now. Everything was more peaceful and Adam abandoned this bad habit to smash people in the face with his own skateboard. Of course, the blue-haired show-off would never stop to make his little shows and big entrances. You don't think that one day his "hey bitches and bros and non-binary hoes" would leave your mind so easily.

Yet, even if you admired Adam as an remarkable skater, you wouldn't prevent yourself to hate him for everything he was aside all of it. He was "in love" as he told to anyone who would like to hear it with his partners of race. It was nothing like love. You didn't know how you manage to not go through the crowds to slap him right in the face. He didn't understand. He wouldn't anyway. Love is sweet, a fluttering sentiment which set upside-down your guts and your soul. It wasn't how you remembered this wonderful thing.

Anyways, Adam had been defeated by a rookie that you had the power to crush on a snowboard. Even if he was talented, had he the talent of someone able to go in the Olympic Games? You didn't think so. You had yourself a modified board. And right now before the attended race between two opponents, you were as if you were playing on the half-pipe near the start of the race.

You were jumping even higher than this little rookie and executing figures in air that were turning sick some of the people gathered in your audience. You were hearing the slight gasps of awe coming from several girls watching them. Even Langa applaused you in the distance with an annoying smile. That little group comprehending Shadow, Reki, Langa, Miya and the others was sincerely uselessly noisy. Though, they were sometimes giving you back a smile you had long forgotten it was existing. But you didn't care anymore. You were busy with your "switched back flip with nose grab" and to make people applause even louder around you.

They were kind and cute because even if the trick wasn't so hard, doing it on a skateboard was something else. And it earned you the nickname of Eagle in S. You were impressive to say the least and people were clearly stunned. What you didn't expect was to attract the boss' attention here. Adam. Actually, his little grieves left you as if you were like marble.

Not only was he sticking to you but he also was quite insisting in his behavior. You didn't like him at all. It may have been the second or the third night that you came on the half-pipe of S. No one challenged you that time. You just shrugged your shoulders and were going on the way to leave this place. The pressure, the people gathered here, the races and the clear lack of delicacy from them made you get away from here. A sort of repulsion ordered you to go away. A skatepark would be big enough to allow you to do the same show for any passerby. After all what was the point of tiring yourself by skating if no one could applause for your demonstration of pure talent. And today, several nights after Adam's defeat, you were leaving S for good this time. It has no point for you to stay.

Yet, Adam didn't want the same. He was observing you before Langa. So he caught you up while lights were dancing around him.

"Mmh... What a wonderful little bird I see here. Don't be scared my dove, I'm not going to bite you." Adam said both loudly and sensually, thus it made crowds look in the same moment towards you.

A heavy silence has just fallen onto the crowds. You have heard the wheels of Adam's skateboard behind you. And he came, leaving his hand on your hips, getting you closer and closer to him. You could feel his hands roaming and doing delicate circles on the fabric of your clothes. Such an intimate action while you could almost feel his head rest on your shoulder. He made a little comment about your scent. Does this man have really no shame ?

"Aren't you tired of your own bullshit, Adam? Losing once wasn't enough to bring humility in you?" you snapped back while the man gazed at you.

"Never, my sweet, stubborn little dove" Ainosuke whispered in your ear while his hands were circling around your waists.

His sweet, gentle, poisonous tone was near to give you shivers. You weren't able to discern within yourself if it was a sort of trespassing desire that was boiling in you or a fire of rage and the deep will to smash him with your skateboard. Probably both. Let's agree on the fact that this man was a living invitation to luxury and rough love. You were just a little smaller than him but strong enough to make him comply and kneel in front of you like a slut. You clicked your tongue and forcefully escaped from Adam's treacherous embrace.

"Alright Eagle. I challenge you into a beef" Adam called behind you.

"Carry on" You answered back while the crowds become immediately silent were watching you with great interest.

"A race. You and me. Right now. The loser become the slave of his opponent." Adam added with his usual disturbing smile.

For one of the first times since you were coming in S, it was one of your first beefs. Moreover, with the boss of all that mess. And finally, it involved something hidden behind all of this display. And you liked it. Why not enjoying fully the race and the aftermath. You used the back extremity of your skateboard you hit Adam in the belly and making him move backwards. You were almost ecstatic. You walked calmly until the start line, put lightly your skateboard on the ground and set your foot on the deck while you were waiting for Adam to come. Obviously, he made his way towards you.

"Mmh... I'll enjoy to turn you upside down after this race" Adam sensually whispered.

"Your self-confidence will kill you one day, filthy man" you replied with a dry tone.

"Let's say that now that I've lost my Eve, the only person in S having my attention is you my little dove. Be ready, I'm not going to be easy on you"

These last sentences would the death of you. His magma-like voice was burning your insides. How can someone warm you up so efficiently? That was a mystery. But you liked it. Adam was well-known to be kinky. You hated a little yourself at that time. You were falling for an insane guy who is now targeting you. Obviously, it was not in a romantic way. Yet, Adam remained a reachable fanstasm. And you were apparently one of his. The green fire came rapidly, thus the start of the race.

Adam became fastly the first. You forgot about everything and just tried to have fun. You were skating as if your board was a part of yourself, dodging rocks and Adam's attack. You knew very well that he didn't change that much after his first defeat here. He even did his little thing of holding you close to him with the sort of horns on his skateboard.

" I love the movement of your hips, so agile, so smooth, I can't prevent myself to wonder what it will feel like to love you fully until you will ache for attention under my touch. You are a snowboarder too, right?" Adam asked more or less.

"You could say that. But I'm not like that kid. I prefer half-pipes. Besides, you have really no shame, haven't you? Anyways, goodbye."

You increased your speed and left Adam behind. You were jumping the cliffs where the turns formed the shape of a snake with the lights in the night. While you were flying, you were shining with more and more complicated figures and graceful landings, making you significantly ahead of the blue-haired holy creature named Adam. He managed very quickly to catch you up. A little smile was playing on your lips. That was funny to see him a little bit in difficulty.

You were provoking him. That was unbelievable and remarkably bold of you to do so. You annoying smile was allowing to build desire and longing in Adam's heart. He was the king and yet, a little dove was playing with him shamelessly. Adam was so mesmerized by your own race that he barely realized he was in the factory. The screams of the people gathered in there dragged him from his thoughts. He saw you fly until the finish line and cross it. You win against him. A huge silent welcomed him.

"One of the first things you have not to lose when you run is your own concentration. I don't know what happened to you but it doesn't prevent that you weren't really skating. So for the beef, I cancel the slave thing." You declared when Adam went towards you.

You turned your back to him and headed to your motorbike followed by the blue-haired man. You didn't want to stay any longer. Adam's footsteps were soft behind yours.

"How can you cancel the slave thing, as you called it?" Adam demanded.

Seeing that he didn't have any answer, Adam reached you to catch your shoulder and make you turn to look at him.

"Because I'm the winner" you responded with a threatening tone.

"So having me doesn't interest you?" Adam questioned with a spark of deception.

"I didn't say that" you replied with a playful half-smile crossing your lips.

You were surrounded by darkness and no one cared anymore about you. For the people, you were remedying with your little issues about the beef. Nothing very interesting for them. Your hand climbed Adam's tensed thigh before going backwards to his ass and caressing it shamelessly. You heard the man getting a heavier breath and mumbling sinner sentences in your ear. You didn't even move when he came closer to enjoy the caress.

"Adam... You are such a slut... Look at you, you sound like a virgin discovering sex" You told with an incredible amount of heat on your voice.

You left your fingers coming down on his half-hard dick and rub it lightly. Just enough to give shivers to the man.

"Horny, aren't we?" you carried on while Adam was melting under your touch.

It was only simple caresses yet the man in front of you was letting himself go as if you were escaping and he won't have anymore opportunities to have you so close.

"More" demanded Adam while he has finally what he wanted so hard.

But you stopped here, creating frustration in the man.

"There's a love hotel down Crazy Rock. Come with your Grim Reaper costume." You requested with an overbearing tone.

Adam ordered to Tadashi who wasn't present in S that night to bring him to this place and the black clothes he was wearing against Langa. Once arrived in the building, he headed towards the receptionist who led him until the room. The space was dark and very classical for a love hotel but it was enough to arouse Adam. He felt as if your hands were still on him while he was changing his red costume. The memory of your hands trailing down his back to reach his ass and caressing it shamelessly was still unbelievably strong in his mind. Then he felt the touch join his cock, gently but still enough to make surrender to your touch. He desired you so much right now. Once he wore his Grim Reaper clothes, he laid down the mattress. He let himself go to the warmth he was feeling. He already wanted you so hard. He thought he was still dreaming when he felt the sudden touch of your hand on his neck.

"Ready to cum due to a shameless imagination. What a dirty little pet we have here. Were you planning to touch while you would wait for me? " You whispered in Adam's ear, getting him to have goosebumps.

Your fingers went down along his spine then reached the start of his ass. You were riding him from behind, each of your legs apart Ainosuke's body. You spanked his cheeks violently when you see you wouldn't get your answer, making the man moaning of both pain and pleasure.

"Use your tongue. You still have one, right?" you picked up after this unwanted silence.

"Yes" mumbled the submitted man.

"Louder. I don't hear you."you commanded.

"Yes"

He was speaking at the volume you wanted to listen. Loudly but not enough to disturb people out there.

"Better" you acknowledged with a neutral tone.

You got away from the position you have over Ainosuke. You were looking for the bad you brought with you. In the corner of your eye, you remarked the presence of a mirror. It could be useful but not now. You were secretly impatient to play with the king of S. You glanced at him and couldn't prevent a half-smile on your face. His hips were slightly higher than what would be normal. The blue-haired man was aching for your touch. Unhappily, it seemed sometimes you weren't as mean as some of masters with their human pet when it comes to tough, rough and painful but delicious sex. Well... It didn't matter actually. Your beautiful puppy lying on the mattress would love it anyway. You sincerely enjoyed the fact that this natural dominant male was completely under your control.

"Get up and kneel. Be rid of your clothes and keep your eyes on the wall. If you look at me I leave you here, tied and with a toy in your ass until you faint. Is that clear?" You ordered with a severe voice.

You didn't get any answer immediately.

"Yes". You heard behind you.

"Yes who?" You added.

"Yes Master" Adam ended while he just worked to be in his knees over the blankets.

The man got rid of his suit not so quickly. The fabric was comfortable and smooth, suiting perfectly his body. The memory of your touch was almost disappearing with him leaving aside all the clothes. He ended naked on the bed, his pale skin revealed to the air. He kept his eyes locked on the wall and he didn't have any access to the mirror to watch what you were doing. He only heard some noises somewhere behind him. Adam was shivering litghtly because of anticipation. He didn't want you to be kind with him. The rougher the better. Anyways, love and pain were both the faces of a coin, right? He submits but you serve.

Ainosuke felt your hand climbing along his leg and rest a few seconds on his thigh. You slided a lubed toy in his hole. You went as deeply as you could without bruising you pet and without leaving without any sensations. His insides were slightly stretched enough to emphasize the rubbing which you started from a few feets away.

You had the time to change in a black leathery pants and high boots, all black, with an open shirt lazily flying along your sides. After that, you were just watching Ainosuke's nakedness from behind. He was well-shaped. You couldn't say more. And this beautiful insane man was craving for your attention. You knew the effect the toy had. The more Adam was holding back his moan, the more the toy is going to make him lose his mind. You knew very well that the man had a certain endurance. Yet, it had no effect when the right points within his body were touched and loved.

You were still gentle. You could be more cruel and less careful about your little pet. Adam knew it very well. He was sure he looked like a little virgin taking pleasure for the first time but the thing inside of him suppressed all of his strength. He was grunting and moaning like a whore and he loved it. But it wasn't enough. It wasn't you.

"More..." Breathed the man while his whole body was totally shaking.

"More? Really?" you asked while you were enjoying the frustration on Adam's face and the red hue on his cheeks.

"Inside me... Touch me..."you went to caress Ainosuke's naked ass before spanking it another time.

"You have no permission to cum, dirty pet. I'll punish you otherwise."you warned with a threatening tone in your voice.

The heat was slightly consuming the blue-haired man and pleasure was way too heavy for him, almost choking sometimes. You would be the death of him if it carried on.

"Please..."Adam silently begged while you were heading to an armchair not far away from the display in front of you.

Were you sadistic? Probably. You had one of your legs hanging on the side of your seat and watching Ainosuke fighting the destroying pleasure inside of him. You were so desirable. No one would ever say the contrary. It was only the start for your adorable pet. But it wasn't enough for you.

"Come here." You commanded with a monotonous but commanding tone in your voice.

You saw Adam moving to reach you. He stumbled on the few meters he had to make to come at you. He knelt in front of you but it sounded more like he wasn't able to carry his own weigh. He was looking up at you with eyes tainted of pleasure. He caressed your legs as any good cat would do to please his master and get some food or any touch. Your hand reached his chin and you lift it without any delicacy. A few more and Adam was going to surrender and leaving himself being overwhelmed by pleasure. His red eyes were blurry and full of lust and you locked yours on his. Your hand went in his hair and you brought him closer to you.

"Take it. And do it well, slut" you requested with an overbearing tone.

You felt shaking hands roaming over your leather pants and undo the belts resting on your hips. His fingers freed your half-hard dick but he was too slow.

"Faster" you ordered.

Adam put his finger on the skin of your shaft, then his lips. You hardly held back a grunt of pleasure while you were feeling his hot mouth around your cock. That was divine but not enough. You settled your fingers in Ainosuke's hair and pulled it closer.

"Come on, slut"

The blue-haired man wasn't slow but it wasn't fast enough and it frustrated you. You ordered him for more speed and he did it. Adam was all focus on your pleasure, worshipping you with his tongue and his lips. It was warm inside his mouth. You wanted to dirty your sub with your seeds and make him feel like a doll in your hands. Besides, you increased the speed of the toy inside Adam's ass. He was fighting tou bring you pleasure and not to cum. His whole body must ache but you didn't really care. You wanted more. You helped a little Ainosuke with his movements. His tongue was caressing you shamelessly, and he was all focused on you. You were almost fucking his throat.

"You are really a whore my pet. Worse than a dog in heat. Loot at you"

You led his eyes to the mirror not far from you. Adam moaned when he saw the image of himself. The red hue on his cheeks while he was taking your cock into his mouth. The sight was mesmerizing. Then, lower, the pre-sperm was dripping from his own sex. Adam wasn't able to suffer it anymore and the last image had been the death of his limits and he cummed lankily on the ground. His muscles all tensed relaxed in a few seconds. He spilled his white liquid everywhere at the bottom of the armchair while he was moaning with your shaft still in his throat.

You raised your hand and gave him an echoing slap which made the blue-haired man fall on his back, covered of his dirty sperm. You perceived Adam hard cock raising between his legs.

"Kinky whore. You are not even able to handle it, right? Such a disobedient little puppy. You'll be punished, you know that, aren't you?" you threatened with a sweet voice, penetrating under Ainosuke's flesh.

You were watching your pet getting up from his position on the ground.

"Be happy that I'm not going to order you to lick it, silly kitten. On the bed, now. Twenty whiplash, and if you are not obedient, I'll double that number. Understood?"

"Please Master, no!" Adam surprisingly begged with and hoarse voice to you.

"This is the cost for your insolence and disobedience. It could be a hundred so take what I allow you" You replied without any softness.

You gave the order to your dog to be astride on the bed, on all four. Adam settled over the blankets and stayed still. The man heard you get the tool in your hand. And without telling him, he felt a painful burn on his ass, followed by your hand which rubbed it. Ainosuke heard himself grunt to the sudden soothing caress.

"It was the first. I won't be that kind after. Count them. At any mistake, It'll be thirty"

You blowed him again and your sub was counting but it was painful and red traces were appearing on his skin. You weren't soft with him and appreciated his delicious reactions of suffering and adoration. The toy was still in his ass, driving him crazy from both inside and outside. Adam wasn't able to keep up anymore and at the end on the punishment, he fell over the blankets, naked, full of shame, pleasure and love. He was crying due to the overwhelming amount of feelings. His shaft was so hard that it was painful and he wanted freedom from you. His pants were perceptible in the silence of the room. The blue-haired man felt your hand on his ribcage and forcefully turn him on his back.

He saw climb over the mattress and settle near him. Your finger roamed over your pet's belly and touch his nipples, making him shiver and grunt. Your softness was welcome for Adam. His body was aching due to tension and slaps but pleasure was still present in his blood and adrenaline was keeping him conscious. Suddenly, the toy Ainosuke had in his ass had a different movement, more intense, more rubbing and making him moan loudly.

"Did you seriously think it was ended?" you questioned with a playful tone. "No. Of course not".

You got up and put yourself in a riding way. You pushed your shaft inside Adam's mouth and start to fuck his throat again. Fingers curling down the sheets and becoming white. Your sub was testifying of this pleasure. And you were too. Your hips were getting faster and faster and Adam's eyes were rolling backwards while pleasure was burning him. You were silently moaning and keeping your features still but it was hard when your little pet's tongue was that agile and smart to find the areas able to make you shudder. It felt like eternity till you finally cummed inside of Ainosuke's mouth. Your sub swallowed everything and as a reward you ordered him to change of position and to rest on his belly. You removed the toy from his ass and caressed it softly.

"Master..." called quietly Adam.

"Mmh?" you responded with distance in your behavior towards him.

"Please. Fuck me." begged silently the man.

Where was Adam, the king of S, almost undefeated? Where was the show-off, the insane guy? You knew very well where he was. He was subdued to every of your desire now, drunken by pain and pleasure, knocked by envy. He wanted you in the simplest way. The incubus became the innocent virgin and you were his master. Nothing was left from the skater man that you met at the nightfall. He was just a body aching for softness after a hardship, pleading for quietness now. And more sincere than he never had been until tonight. He needed you.

"Please Master..." whispered again Adam.

But his begging stopped when Adam felt your dick against his hole. A slight moan escaped from him and you started to bury yourself in him. His insides were warm and comfortable but so tight. The rubbing was divine and you could help yourself but start to fuck his ass very slowly to push him to worship you. Adam had his hips hanging a little in air as you were thrusting to give you both an amazing amount of pleasure.

"P-Please Master... More..." moaned Adam while you were almost hitting his ass.

It was so nice to see the man so submitted to his needs coming from you. You couldn't help yourself but started to thrust more and more quickly and fastly. The sound of your flesh against each other was echoing in the room and you liked it. You got rougher and rougher but it was still nice and finally, you let yourself be. You felt Adam's hole tightening around your shaft for the second time. Your hands slide down his hips to find his own sex so as to apply languid caresses. It was too much for him and his muscled yet thin body sank on the bed and you followed him in his climax not long after him.

You were panting heavily and your pet was actually nearly fainting. You took him into a warm embrace and rubbed his skin to soothe him. You didn't have the time for a real aftercare because he fell asleep immediately. You would wait him to take a needed shower. For the time that you had, you left him be.

Adam had been a wonderful sub. You were happy. But you didn't have the intention to stay with him. If he wanted you, then maybe you should have a more serious and deeper conversation. But now, it wasn't what you wanted.

[myonepiece]

hi i was wondering if you could do some headcannons asl + law (separately) with a male s/o whos maybe more about open their relationship and basically a non shy!male. sfw & nsfw would be appreciated but its up to you !! enjoy your day/night and just know i love ur account :)

Ace, Sabo, Luffy, Law with an extroverted S/O (open about their relationship) 

SFW + NSFW

Ace x non shy!male,   Sabo x non shy!male,   Luffy x non shy!male,

Law x non shy!male

Description: HCs of Ace, Sabo, Luffy, & Law (seperate) with an extroverted male s/o who is open about theur relationship

Warnings: partially NSFW 

A/N: I need more male reader content I think I literally only have 2 posts 😅 I’m not 100% confident in my writing for male readers, I’m still learning and I apologize if there’s anything wrong with this & pls tell me if there is 💕 

Ace NSFW, Luffy, Sabo, Law under the cut

SFW

Ace really wants someone who is open about their relationship with him, who’s proud to be dating him and shows him off. Ace wants to be able to show him off to everyone without making him uncomfortable, he loves that not only can he hug him and kiss him and smother him in affection publicly, but that he’ll initiate it himself aswell

he likes picking him up and throwing him over his shoulder in front of the crew, hearing their saracastic remarks to quit it, of course none of them would really have a problem with it in the first place, they loved seeing their brother so happy and in love- because it’s obvious Ace is in love. one of his favorite things to do is to find his boyfriend on deck and run over to scoop him into his arms and plop him on his lap for sleepy time

the fact that he gets to hold his hand without worrying about his embarrassment or discomfort, mostly because his boyfriend is the one who grabs his hand first, makes him all giddy and bubbly. it gives him a sense of perotection, that his boyfriend is by his side and Ace by his, it’s an easy way to let everyone else know that Ace is with him and they shouldn’t try anything

telling stories about him and their relationship, the special moments and the funny moments, telling them to the crew and laughing and listening to them “oooo” and “awhh” is another one of Ace’s favorite things. not only Ace loves how comfortable and open he is, but the Whitebeard crew does too- hearing embarrassing stories about their brother or seeing how whipped he is and teasing him for it. Whitebeard loves knowing that Ace has someone to look after him when he’s gone, and to give him the love that he deserves- Whitebeard is like Ace’s boyfriend’s #1 fan, huge supporter of their relationship and anyone who isn’t is gonna deal with him & the rest of the crew

he’s a sucker for his lover’s mushy love confessions and compliments, saying them so boldly and shamelessly in front of people gives him butterflies in his stomach and makes him blush, yes Ace can get flustered

NSFW

the public dirty talk is just- he’ll go up and put his hands around his boyfriend’s torso and whisper the perviest things in his ear “your ass looks nice today”, “I can see the hickies I left last night” “no ones at the back of the boat, how bout I go bend you over the railing hm?” 

and if he do the same to Ace? whoo boy, he goes weak in the knees and I’m not kidding, whimpers right there, or if he’s more fiery that night, he growls

Ace has no problem kissing his s/o in public, and if it turns into a makeout session, so be it. however he tries to keep those public makeouts short so none of the crew get uncomfortable. Ace will keep him on his lap until the two can go somewhere more private

as much as Ace loves how open his boyfriend is with their relationship, he doesn’t want him to tell any of the crew what goes on in the bedroom when Ace is the sub, that does happen- Ace is a switch with more dom tendencies, but still a switch

Ace will literally go up to his boyfriend on deck and grope his ass from behind, using his own body to shield his actions from anyone else’s eyes. and he sometimes will just boldly grab his boyfriend’s dick/groin, as long as Whitebeard doesn’t see

SFW

Sabo can be confident or flustered, no in between. he’s so happy that his boyfriend is completely okay with their relationship and letting everyone know about it. he feels like that means he’s not ashamed to be with Sabo, it also means that if Sabo is ever feeling down it won’t be weird for him to find his boyfriend, and Sabo wants to be tehre for him as much as he can and he wouldn’t be able to do that as well if they had to hide their relationship

he likes that everyone at in the R.A. knows his lover and say hi when passing, Koala and him are like best friends- that’s probably the only part of his boyfriend’s open-nesss that he doesn’t like, Koala and him always share humiliating stories and tease Sabo about everything

Sabo is touch starved, thank god his boyfriend is 100% okay with pda, seriously Sabo has to/wants to hold his hand every second. public hugs, hand holding, and nose kisses are a must. Sabo adores kissing him on his nose or cheek. Koala always fake gags when Sabo is the one to initiate any affection, but when his boyfriend does it Koala always “awhh”s 

just being able to sit with his boyfriend on his lap, or sitting on his boyfriend’s lap is amazing, providing a sense of peace in the hectic life of his 

Sabo gives little gifts and trinkets to him, and always shows off the ones he gets from him. Sabo is constantly talking or bragging about him, and always blushes whenever it’s reversed 

NSFW

Sabo is pretty shy when it comes to sex/sex related things, he likes it to be private

however, he’s a sucker for his boyfriend, so if he wants to get touchy in public, Sabo won’t exactly stop him- neck kisses and groping are things Sabo loves, giving and recieving

at least with pda being a normal with the two of them, when Sabo is needy and wraps his arms around his boyfriend’s waitst to pull him against him specifically holding his ass against his front, it’s not deemed suspicious by anyone 

as for hikeys, he doesn’t really like to be seen with them, but he loves seeing his boyfriend adorning them and he loves seeing him wear them proudly

Sabo likes keeping his hand on his lover’s thigh, sliding it closer and closer to a certain part and feeling his boyfriend shiver and harden under his touch

he makes subtle suggestive comments, flying under the radar so that only him and his boyfriend understand, though sometimes his boyfriend gives it away on accident, or not, and Sabo turns red

SFW

Luffy is not shy whatsoever, constantly clinging to his boyfriend and with his grin growing even wider when he hugs Luffy tighter against him

numerous kisses and hugs and touches throughout the day, not a second he’s not holding on to his lover. piggy back rides and shoulder rides are a given, and having his partner cling onto him like a koala leaves Luffy grinning for the rest of the day

Luffy is overall jsut himself, not really changing anything except he’s a bit more lovey-dovey and sentimental, he puts his hat on him a lot and is often in extremely close proximity, never once leaving his side- and Luffy feels secure and safe when his boyfriend returns the action

during fights Luffy loves to tell everyone who he’s dating, yelling things like “I’m dating him!” “Go ______! I love you!!”

ah that’s another thing, constantly saying “I love you”, every greeting and goodbye and moments in between is littered with the words, always accompanied by a rather sloppy kiss 

Luffy doesn’t care who’s watching, he’s just as open as his boyfriend- 10x more actually

one thing he does like though, that not many people would think about, is purely having someone waiting for him, staying at his side and embracing him anytime. Luffy has had his fair share of losses, he doesn’t show it but deep down he’s riddled with guilt and pain and sadness and fear, he doesn’t want to lose another person. holding his lover after a battle, after a nightmare, makes him feel better because he knows he’s still there with Luffy. being able to run to him and let down his captain facade and just cry into his partner is something that Luffy desperately needs and loves

NSFW

Luffy is shameless, the most shameless op character, there is nothing he won’t do in front of the crew, yeah I’m implying public sex- deal with it

Luffy will walk right up to him and start a heated makeout session, ignoring any protests from the crew- he will fuck him right then and there, annd also wouldn’t mind being taken right then and there- or probably at least moving to a different part of the deck because he knows that his crew would be very uncomfrtable at that, it’s not embarrassing to do it he just cares about his crew’s feelings too

but on the back deck, against the walls, in the crowsnest, all free territory- Luffys even done it with him on the ladder up to the crows nest, those rubber arms are very useful

speaking of rubber arms, he has like his own version of bondage, purely cosisting of his arms and legs and hands, wrapping his arms around his boyfriends arms so he can hold them behind his while Luffy fucks him doggy style

Luffy is also definitely a switch, down for any position too, serioulsy those rubber powers are no joke, he can do any position, though he does prefer close contact ones where the two of them can hold each other

Luffy is KINKY- yes I said he is kinky! he doesn’t know what a kink is nor that he one (many) he just thinks it’s something he likes. but, no talks of another person, no pain to either unless it’s spanking, no blood, no degradation unless his boyfriend asks for it (he’s not very good at it though)

Luffy is loud, he loves that his lover is loud too, and is fine wwith him leaving hickeys or scratch marks- because Luffy is totally fine adorning those himself

SFW

Law is not very open about his relationship, I mean he’s completely fine telling his crew and the strawhats and the kid pirates, the crews he knows, but telling anyone else wworries him because he doesn’t really want him to be a known associate because people would come after him to get to Law

he would prefer if his boyfriend kept their reltionship details private, he doesn’t want to be embarrassed by any stories he has of him, and he likes to be very private man overall, he would actually get quite irritated f his lover is very open about what happens in their reltionshp- again Law has no problem about allies or somewhat allies knowing, everyone could know iabout the relationship to be honest, if they wouldn’t all go after his boyfriend because of the connection

Law does secretly love how “okay” he is being in a reltionship with him, dating such a broken and “evil” man. Law is actually very insecure, hiding it well though, and he loves that he has someone to show him the love he rarely ever felt when he was younger, having someone tell him he’s sweet and charming and kind and loveable hit Law right in his heart

that last paragraph of Luffy’s sfw kind of sums up Law’s take on his boyfriend’s open-ness

Law is touch starved, on the ship or in private on an island, with no or barely any people around, he’ll hold his hand and/or have an arm around his wait or shoulder, and he doesn’t mind if his lover does the same. in public if his boyfriend were to initiate any physical affection, Law would try to get him to tone it down, keep it minimal, but he doesn’t want to be rude either so he would go along with it to some extent

in private though he’s touchy and he really wwants to be praised, he also praises his boyfriend a lot because he is just so whipped for him, often thanking him for loving someone like Law, being there for him and offering a safe haven that he rarely has the chance to have- if ever

NSFW

again, Law is a private man, he doesn’t want to make his crew. too uncomfortable, but if his boyfriend were to start something or Law is feeling especially needy, he wouldn’t hesitate to tell the crew to leave the room or simply gare at them 

he likes flustering his boyfriend, seeing someone who is usually so shameless, blush and stutter and get shy, is one of Law’s favorite things

he’s a major tease, similar to Ace with his dirty talk, except the deepness of his voice makes it sound 100x dirtier. one can’t fluster him by whispering dirty talk, his lover just can’t, he can make him hard but flustered is a no go. however, saying something dirty/suggestive out loud infront of people, that would do something- most likely resulting in either a scolding, punishment sex, or both

grind on him and he’ll growl, on certain occasions he has no problem throwig you over his shoulder and. taking you away from the public eye, but don’t try to do the same to him- Law is the dominant one in public and 8/10 of the time during sex

he’s not opposed to being the bottom, but he prefers to top

he lovex that his boyfriend is completely fine with him leaving hickeys and scratches and. just marks in general, it shows he’s taken and makes Law feel proud- Law however likes his marks to be hidden 

[oumakokichi]

hello! could you talk a bit more about the original (as in jp, not localization) ouma's personality and speech patterns? you've mentioned that he tends to trail off or speak more softly when it is implied he is speaking the truth, etc. and how he is not so loud/intentionally obnoxious. //btw when does he call himself a fairy? that's so cute

I got a couple of questions asking about the fairy line Ouma has, so I don’t mind sort of rolling them both into one! And I’m more than happy to talk a little more in-depth about Ouma’s speech patterns and personality in the original game, too!

Since I’ll be covering some late-game spoilers, I’ll put the bulk of this under the cut, so be careful when reading!

First off, I cannot stress how much I recommed playing ndrv3 with the Japanese voices enabled. If you’ve already played through the English dub but never experiened the original voice acting cast, I promise you won’t be disappointed. The Japanese cast are all fantastic, incredibly talented VAs who, unlike the dub, were hired specifically for these roles and not just re-casted from previous DR games.

Hiro Shimono as Ouma gives an absolutely incredible performance. The localization might still have many flaws in its translation and omission of certain lines or punctuation, but you can still very much get a feel for how Ouma’s character was intended by listening to Shimono’s performance. Re-playing the game with the Japanese voices will definitely let you hear how soft and tonally different Shimono’s performance is in places from the English dub, and compare it to the way in which many lines are written and punctuated as if Ouma’s yelling at everyone.

That isn’t to say that Shimono’s Ouma is never loud or excited: Ouma is a character whose moods and façades are all over the place, and therefore his performance requires a voice actor who can similarly change moods and intonation on a dime. Ouma is very much loud and haughty and deliberately annoying when he’s supposed to be, but his voice is also low and ominous at other points when he’s trying to be scary. And again, it’s soft and hesitant in places where he’s considering divulging some of his information, or when he’s insisting that all the things he does are for everyone’s sake, because he cares about them and doesn’t want anyone to die.

These moments feel so much more genuine in the Japanese version of the game--because they’re meant to be. As fantastic of a liar as Ouma is, it’s much easier for us, the player, to tell when he’s lying on a re-play, knowing the information from chapters 5 and 6 that we do, and looking at cues like his sprites (often his blank-faced ones) and, yes, his delivery of certain lines.

This probably sounds like me just gushing about what a fantastic voice actor Hiro Shimono is, and in part that’s exactly what it is, but I want to stress that pretty much every single voice actor in the Japanese cast is just as fantastic and that they all do their jobs incredibly well. With all that gushing out of the way, I’ll move on to talking about some of Ouma’s actual speech tics and the way he refers to other characters.

Like most things about him, Ouma’s speech patterns are sort of an interesting mix and even seem a little contradictory at times. He uses the very masculine pronoun “ore” (オレ), but he also refers to nearly everyone (with only a handful of exceptions) by their surnames and the much more childish honorific “-chan” (i.e. “Saihara-chan,” “Akamatsu-chan,” “Amami-chan,” etc.)

The use of “-chan” is very interesting. Honorifics in Japan are extremely complicated and tend to mean different things depending on who is using them. Typically, “-chan” is seen as a very feminine way to refer to someone else, commonly used in close-knit friend groups among school girls.

There are, of course, a few notable exceptions to this however: often times, middle-aged or elderly people will call a child “-chan” regardless of gender, as a way of showing they find them cute and endearing. And sometimes, people will use “-chan” to refer to other things they find cute, such as pets, or even to refer to themselves in a sort of informal, tongue-in-cheek way.

The fact that Ouma uses “-chan” as an honorific to refer to nearly everyone in the game stands out quite a lot: by and large, boys don’t use this term to refer to other boys. Using “-chan” to refer to anyone you’ve just met or don’t know very well is already somewhat frowned upon, but a boy using it to refer to other boys is especially rare. This helps set Ouma’s character up as someone who is both incredibly casual and informal with others (not to mention, you know, quite coded). Considering childishness and lightheartedness are traits Ouma values, and how much emphasis is put on him having “a very innocent, childish streak that’s hard to hate,” it makes sense then that he would talk like this.

Not counting Monokuma and the Monokubs, the only characters who Ouma doesn’t refer to with “-chan” are Gonta and Kiibo, who he simply calls by name. This also says some interesting things about his character.

Gonta is easily the character who Ouma interacts with the most often, as well as the charater he hurts the most in the end. Ouma’s choice to exclude Gonta from his usual way of calling people is, I think, a testament to how much Gonta really wanted to be friends with him, even if their friendship was never exactly on equal footing.

Meanwhile with Kiibo, I feel the choice to exclude him from his usual way of addressing others is indicative of how much Ouma tried to remind himself that Kiibo��“wasn’t human,” and therefore how suspicious he found his presence in the killing game. We know Ouma suspected Kiibo and likely even had an inkling of his role as the audience proxy/camera in the game, due to how Kiibo’s picture is one of the only others set aside on his whiteboard besides Saihara’s, with the word “weird” written next to it (he also clearly guessed about the cameras after Gonta’s line in chapter 2, as we see from how he commissioned Miu for the bug-vac).

Ouma clearly enjoys teasing Kiibo a lot, and their banter reads very much like a manzai comedy duo; I feel like Ouma often tried pushing himself to remember that Kiibo “wasn’t human” on purpose in order to not get too attached to him or too distracted from his goal of ending the killing game. I don’t think Ouma’s decision to exclude Kiibo from the way that he very particularly referred to most of the rest of the group was just an accident or a coincidence.

Honorifics aside, Ouma also refers to several characters in interesting ways. He often uses “daisuki na ___-chan” (大好きな) to refer to some of the other characters, a phrase which more or less equates to “my beloved.” He uses this phrase with Saihara more than any other character of the game, but there are a few other instances where he does use it with Amami, Momota, and (if I’m remembering correctly) Kaede. Pretty much every single instance where the localization put, “because I love you” or “because you’re my favorite” whenever Ouma was talking to Saihara was usually a point where he would specifically call him “my beloved Saihara-chan.”

In chapter 4 during the scene where Ouma is alone in the parlor of the VR world, he also specifically, exclusively refers to Saihara as “suki ni natta hito” (好きになった人), literally: “the person I fell in love with.” This line was changed in the localization to, “when there’s a person I like,” which is more or less literally correct--however, the phrase “suki ni natta” is much heavier and more loaded with explicitly romantic implications than “suki” would be on its own, as it’s often used in Japanese love songs and shoujo manga love confessions.

Worth noting in my opinion is the fact that this is the exact same phrasing Maki uses to describe her romantic feelings for Momota. Since Maki’s feelings for Momota are considered canonically confirmed because of this, Ouma’s feelings should be considered equally canon, but a lot of people don’t know this because, well, it’s sort of been lost in translation.

And now, on to the fairy line! Ouma calls himself a fairy in chapter 3, when he pops up in the middle of Saihara and Korekiyo’s discussion of the katana in Korekiyo’s lab. Full of enthusiasm, he decides to touch the sword and examine it for himself; Korekiyo starts to object, but Ouma interrupts and says:

“Come on, it’s not a big deal! I’m like a fairy, so it’ll be fine!”

I’ve always really loved this line and thought it was super adorable, both as a nod to how fairies aren’t supposed to be able to touch steel in most fae mythos, as well as the fact that fairies tend to also have a love for mischief and pranks and lies. The localization apparently didn’t like it so much though, because this line is simply changed to, “Come on, would I lie to you?” instead.

One final thing I can think of as far as Ouma’s speech tics go is that his laugh in Japanese is romanized as “nishishi” instead of “neeheehee,” as this is closer to the Japanese onomatopoeia for the sound horses make--but I actually don’t mind this localization change at all! “Neeheehee” definitely looks a lot closer to the word “neigh” and helps capture that horse joke in a way that I feel like western players can more easily understand.

All in all, while I still definitely feel people can like and enjoy Ouma’s character from playing the localization alone, I still stand by my opinion that listening to the original Japanese voices helps give a much better picture of how the character was intended to come across, and really shows how much depth Hiro Shimono put into his performance. He’s quoted in the official ndrv3 artbook as saying that he believes Ouma is someone who’s actually “really meek if you take away his strong wish to outwit everyone” (credit to @kaibutsushidousha for the art book translation), and I think this interpretation of Ouma really shows through in so many of his lines.

Thank you both for the really fun questions! I hope I could provide some more interesting information about Ouma and the translation!

[aseioh]

Of Stars and Moonlit walks pt.3/?

Chapter 3: Evening with a view ( TRIGGER WARNING: PLEASE NOTE THIS CHAPTER DEALS WITH SUICIDE OF A FAMILY MEMBER. )

Days blur into weeks as life continues to buzz around the Castle. With harvest season fast approaching, Alcina and her daughters has been busy. Thankfully, most of their ‘wine making’ operation is contained in the basement. Donna has never ventured below the castle, and even though she offered to help with their ‘harvest’ Alcina declined good naturedly. After all, the process of creating “Sanguis Virginis” was a family secret -even though all the Lords knew what was inside the wine- still she appreciated the offer.  

Donna herself has been busy with helping Heisenberg in his factory, between this and her own work as Mother Miranda’s chief interrogator for prisoners, she was often left haggard at the end of the day. But beneath the tired feeling, Donna was proud of her work.  

After all she was needed, she wasn’t disposable.      

Donna remembers the first time she entered Heisenberg’s Factory and found it stifling. The metal doors that never seems to open and the constant smell of oil that permeates the air made her want to regurgitate her breakfast.  

‘Heisenberg himself carries the same smell, along with the smoke of his preferred cigar.’ Donna muses as she makes her way to the hidden lift at the side of the front warehouse. The lift itself was a new addition, after Heisenberg noticed Donna’s reaction to the metal doors he graciously installed the one way lift for her.

“A direct access to our workspace! We need to be efficient and what better way than an ‘in and out way’. No need to walk around the factory floor.”  Heisenberg boasted as he revealed it to Donna at the end of their first week working together.

Donna has never been more grateful with her ‘brother’.  

The two of them shared a passion of building things, a trait Mother Miranda noticed early on and took advantage of. Donna with her dolls and Heisenberg with his technical proficiency, the two would always discuss their newest projects after every meeting.  

When Mother Miranda said that she needed to expand her control, and increase their territory Heisenberg volunteered to make her a ‘mechanical army’, and with Donna’s help with in the early stages the plan was going along nicely.

Today had been a rather slow day for the two of them, after the field test of ‘Soldat’ prototype Heisenberg offered a break on their work. Of course, with nothing new on their plate discussions quickly turned to Donna’s stay at the Castle as well as its colorful inhabitants.

“So how’s the stay at the gilded castle?” Heisenberg inquired, as he lazily smoked his cigar, the red dot at the tip reminds Donna of the Soldats central weak point, something they need to remedy if they want the mechanical man to have a chance.

Donna sipping her tea frowns at the question. “Quite fine actually. I wished you would stop teasing Alcina, Karl. One day she’ll get so angry at you that you’ll end up as confetti on the floor”

“ohh, are we having a party Mistress” Angie pipes up from her stool.

“Now, now you know I’m only joking. and Alcina’s too strung up, it’s funny to piss her off. Besides I’m genuinely curious, are they treating you well? No headaches or nightmares? I know you get stress in new environments”  

“I’m fine Karl, Alcina and the girls are lovely. Even Angie is having fun” at that the Doll nods enthusiastically. “As for the headache, its manageable, the herbal tea helps”

“and the last one?”

“Like I said, manageable.” She said with finality

“Right, you know I care about you Donna. If anything happens, you’re more than welcome to stay here. You’re friends are getting antsy sometimes but all is well here. I’m sure they’ll be happy when they know that their Mistress is in the same room as them”  

“Thank you”

“Right enough about that.” Heisenberg extinguishes his cigar and stands up animatedly, walking to the side table with blueprints laying on top, he motions for Donna to follow him.

“So I have this new idea… what do you think if we attach a huge propeller at the head of one of the soldat”

The afternoon at Heisenberg’s factory just became interesting again.

----

In her dreams she wasn’t fast enough.  

It was always the same scenario, her and Mother standing near the viewing docks of the waterfall. The sound was deafening but she can distinctly hear Mother talking and saying that she will always be there for her and urging Donna to run back inside the house.  

Donna turns intending to follow her Mother’s order. She hears a soft “goodbye love” and when she looks back Mother is gone.  

Gone. Gone.

Gone…  

She makes her way at the edge of the viewing dock and looks down…  

---

It was Bela's turn to patrol the corridors of the castle, with the harvest of maidens it isn't uncommon to see one or two of their 'prey’ to try to escape. As she makes her rounds near the guest wing she hears a scream.

 ‘Donna!?’  

Bela hears Donna scream and rushes to the woman's room, thinking that someone had managed to escape and made their way to Donna's room or even worse. Bursting through and seeing there are only embers near the fireplace, Bela was about to light a candle when she was stopped.

"STOP!” Donna and Angie both shouted, the duality of their voices unnerved Bela. Donna was hunched over the bed, her hands shielding her whole face.

“Are you alright Donna?” Bela doesn’t sense anyone is in the room, and she felt her shoulders sag, she didn’t even realized that she was holding her breathe. Getting a better bearing of the room, she understands why Donna stopped her.  ‘Ah, she's not wearing her veil’ quickly turning around the other direction she makes her way to the fireplace and stokes it back to life.

Donna still feeling the effects of the nightmare answers in short burst.  

Bela doesn't know how to react on these situation, usually when one of them does experience nightmares they would just usually walk around the castle to decompress and shake the feeling off. On worst occasion when it was really bad they would knock on their Mother's door to seek comfort.

‘How do you comfort a woman?’  

An idea forms in Bela's mind “Would you like to have a short walk? That usually calms me down when I suffer nightmares” Donna considers the invitation, sensing that Bela will not leave her easily she agrees beside she doesn’t really want to be alone right now. She wouldn't want to worry Alcina if she finds out she had this outburst.

“Yes, I would like that” Adjusting her veil she stands up and makes her way to Bela. “Angie will you stay here. Alcina probably heard that scream, will you tell her that I'm with Bela if she comes by?”

"Yes mistress” Angie agrees and settles by the wingback chair near the fireplace . Donna approaches Bela, touching her shoulder. Sensing that it’s alright to turn around, Bela faces the woman, based on the tensed shoulders and wringing hands in front of her, she makes a bold move and gently takes one of the hands.

"Come, I know the perfect place where we can go.”

‘She has warm hands.’  Donna though looking down on their joined hands. She wonders when the last time someone held her hand this way.  

She comes up empty.  

A quick detour to the kitchen for some tea and Bela leads them to the Castle Garden.

Thankfully, it was a warm night.  

By this point Donna has managed to settle some of the earlier tension she's been feeling. She even managed to smile a little, although her companion cannot see it.  

“I will always be surprised at how big this Castle is. Tell me are you also the one that tended to these plants?” Donna motions to the assorted flowers encircling the garden.  

“Unfortunately not, we have the gardener take care of this area. I'm afraid I cannot tend to them when it becomes too cold.”  

“I see.”

Silence follows, as they made their way to the center of the garden where a small gazebo was located.

“Are you feeling well now?” Bela asked after some time, hoping that the open air and the calm night has settled Donna’s nerve.

“Yes, thank you. You were right the short walk really helped.”

Bela can tell with Donna’s posture that she was still not a 100 percent alright, so she decides to distract the woman with questions. “How did you become one of the Four Lords?” at the question Donna’s head snapped up.

‘Shit!’ Bela blanched further, if that was even possible for her. ‘what the hell kind of a question is that? Mothers’ going to kill me’  

Donna studies the woman in front of her. She weights her options on whether to tell Bela the truth or not.

‘You weren’t fast enough’ the intrusive thought taunts her on.  

“First, do I have your word that what I’m about to tell you here will not leave and that you will not divulge my secret to your sisters?” Donna asked seriously as her voice takes on a lower timbre  

“Yes”  

“My Father was the village doctor and we have always lived at the Beneviento mansion. One day my Mother met an accident when we were out near the waterfall. I say an accident because that was what Father said, Mother slipped while I was turning to go back to the house”

“And the truth?”

“She jumped. I don’t know why and until now I have never learned her reasons, but one moment she was there and next she was just gone.”

‘Gone’ she hated that word and the absence it implies.

“My Father never recovered from the heartbreak, then one day he met an accident and I was left alone. Alone in the truest sense possible. The only one I have left was Angie” Donna pauses trying to catch her herself and willing her mind to not spiral down further.

“There were the house servants and the gardener a nice old man who taught me how to care for my plants, but other than them I was a ghost. Just counting my days, existing without living. Then one day Mother Miranda showed up.” At that, Donna smiled recalling the time that the woman suddenly appeared on the anniversary of her mother’s death.

An Angel with black wing. Or was it the Devil?

“She offered me salvation from my loneliness; she gave me the gift to influence others. The moment I’ve received her power, I gave a little of myself to Angie and I was never alone ever since.” Donna lets her story end. Looking at the young woman in front of her, she was surprised to find tears streaming down Bela’s face.

“I’m sorry, I know it was an upsetting tale-“ Donna starts only to be interrupted by Bela standing up and embracing her.

“I’m sorry you had to go through that.” Bela whispers as she rest her cheeks on Donna’s head “But I hope that you will never feel alone again, Mother’s here, Cassandra and Daniela are here-“

“And you’re here as well” Donna finishes Bela’s sentence

Chuckling “Yes, not to mention, Heisenberg and Moreau. Donna, I swear as long as I’m here you will never feel alone” Bela declares as she tightens her embrace

Donna sinks further into Bela’s embrace and for once, she felt it.

She felt peace.  

The two stayed in the same position for some time, With only the moon and stars as their witness.

[jamestrmtx]

Fairytale Complex - [Undertale | Sans x Reader]

[Gender Neutral, Frisk's Parent Reader | Slow Burn]

Chapter Twenty | Ooo I Ooo I Ooo I Ooo I (Part 2 of 2 | His POV) [First] | [Previous] | [Next]

Song Referenced

• • •

did he give you an exact date?

Unfortunately, no.

At first, I had at least until the end of the year, but…

CPS wants this resolved quicker than he thought.

guessin' you need to finish tourin' the underground first then, right?

Yes.

Would it be possible the day after tomorrow?

Or just… sometime this weekend?

I can go by myself, but…

Asgore won't allow that unless I'm with someone else.

Says I shouldn't be walking so far and so long alone if I haven't recovered yet.

you don't need to go alone, either way.

be it my job or not, I still wanna help out.

so the day after tomorrow's fine with me, bud.

we can discuss those details better when we drive over to tori's school tomorrow.

Are you sure?

And…

Does that 'we' imply you'll be picking us up?

100%

but yeah, i'll drive you guys there.

and pick up paps on the way, too.

it's easier for all four of us.

Mhm.

don't believe me?

Oh, I believe you.

I just don't think that's the only reason why you're picking us up, when I already have the address.

so what's the other one?

Don't get cocky, Serif.

I'm not gonna type that out.

It's a godsend Frisk will be with us, too.

'Cause I sure don't trust being alone with you anymore.

inna bad way?

Nah.

niiice.

pick you guys up tomorrow, then?

Yes.

We'll see you tomorrow.

And thank you in advance.

∆ Sticker | Happy Cartoon Bunny™ waving goodbye ∆

"You've changed, Sans."

He ignores that comment to view (Y/N)'s last two messages again.

While he doesn't know why that particular sticker bothers his mind so much, a few scrolls up to revise his chat history with the human reveal this is the first time they've shown any sort of informality or spontaneity in their typing. (Y/N) came off cold in their texts, though -- based on how they acted outside of a chat app -- that wasn't their intention, but more of an automatic way for them to talk with someone they didn't exactly deem trustworthy enough yet. He grins at that thought and feels his face warm up, something he confirms when touching his cheekbone, cold palm contrasting with that heat.

"You're wasting your time with that human," Drunk Bun says, snapping him out of his daydreaming.

They've sat themselves on the bar stool next to him and slam what looks like their tenth can of cheap, off-brand beer against the counter, crunching it down into more than half its size. He doesn't know how long they've stood there or why he's lost this much awareness of his surroundings. The bar's practically empty and calm now compared to before, though there's loud music blaring from the jukebox, playing an already overplayed song on repeat. There's no excuse for his distracted mind other than having lost himself while texting with the human, so he admits that fault with partial sourness, against accepting he's that smitten with them.

"You're changing for the worse," his company adds, narrowing their eyes at him. "Every time we come here to catch up, you mention something stupid about that (L/N) person, or just text the whole evening away with them. I... I've never seen you worry so much about someone so inconsequential." They scoff and cross their arms tight. "I may understand you caring after Frisk as a way to repay them for rescuing us, but (L/N) is completely useless. They've done absolutely nothing remarkable beyond creating a huge scene at that bus you were both on."

"Being harassed by a rando and faintin' after's them causin' a scene?" Sans asks, quirking an eye socket.

"Oh, screw off, bone boy -- You know what I mean. They've brought you nothing but trouble and needless responsibilities!" The bunny grits their teeth and slams their hand over the table, dragging eyes to their side. "I'm betting you can't go a day without texting them or without you doing something for them."

"You need to-"

Beep-beep.

The phone is snatched from his hands just as quick as that noise rings.

"Give that back."

"No." They keep the phone right above him, taking advantage of his shorter height. "Your fault for not putting a lock on it."

Drunk Bun scoots away and holds the phone tight as they fumble with it. Then, they stop to look at what he assumes is another text message from the human. A grimace shows on their face and they grasp the device tight, enough to make the screen complain and warn them over the pressure they're exerting against it. "Now this is beyond pathetic, Sans," they comment, letting out a loud, burst laugh. "Is this seriously the one you're sacrificing your entire personality for?" They give him his phone back, though not before hesitating when it's time to let go. "That human is-"

"Gimme a sec."

His attention falls on the picture displayed on screen, revealing (Y/N) and Frisk posing in it. The adult wears a suit and tie while the child has Toriel's school uniform on. The former's pose appears forced and awkward while the latter seems to be the reason the picture was taken with how excited they seem about their outfit.

Frisk wanted me to show you this.

It's what we'll be wearing for tomorrow!

There's a three-minute interval between that and the next message.

I know classes still haven't started there, but… They wanted to wear it, so I joined them by trying on something special for, well…

That job offer you told me about.

I don't know if I'll accept or not yet, but…

Thank you for the opportunity, and for believing in me.

∆ Sticker | Happy Cartoon Bunny™ giving a thumbs-up ∆

"You're grossing me out, honestly. What kind of look is that?"

It takes him a while to react, focus glued on (Y/N)'s messages.

"What look?"

"That lovesick look on your face." Tears form on their eyes -- almost abruptly, hadn't their voice shaken right before that. "I- I've been flirting with you for years, and yet you've never once looked at me like that before." They stand up straight, stare down at him, and rest their hands on the table, blinking their tears away throughout. "I've known you for so damn long, and yet you fall for the first human you see up here? I-"

"So that's what this's about," he says, chuckling. "You're-"

"Don't you dare brush everything off as me having a crush on you, Sans." They hiss. "You're not the same as before, and that's as clear as day. You worry a lot more now, and… And you actually seem to care more about other stuff beyond your job and sleeping on it. Y- You-"

"Aren't those good things?"

"Maybe, but your entire personality changing isn't. I liked you better when you were less worked up with stuff that's none of your business." They stop to grab his phone again; a grin breaks the sorrow on their face. "But hey, y- you're just doing your job, aren't you? You should set things straight with that human and remind them you're only with them because Asgore told you to in that agreement letter you gave them."

"Won't work if I flirted with 'em first. Pretty sure they'll see right through my lies."

"Y- You flirted with them first?!"

"Yeah."

He dodges a punch aimed right at his face.

"Wait-"

They throw a second punch -- this one turning out to be a spoof -- and laugh at the sight of him falling for it; they then toss the phone high over his head after he's finished dodging that fake attack, and aim yet another punch right after.

He salvages the device, though at the cost of taking the blow right on his left eye socket.

"How can you admit that so easily? You're awful!"

"'Cause you're only a close friend. I don't owe you an explanation about who I'm dating, and even less if you're gonna be actin' this way."

Drunk Bun springs at him, only to be held back by the rest of the regulars sitting near the scene, sufficiently fast enough for them not to wrangle Sans in anything major. They struggle and thrash at everyone around, trying to break free, but failing each time. It takes a fully-armored guard dog and a buff bear for them to be fought back into their rightful place, and yet another strong monster for them to let go of a wine bottle they insist on downing when seated.

Grillby intervenes as well by warning them to calm down, unless they want to be kicked out. Meanwhile, Sans turns on the camera and looks at his reflection through it, revealing a faint soreness already forming around his eye socket -- right where his companion had punched at. Being primarily made out of bones brought advantages, but having magical properties often led to him bruising easily.

Another regular approaches him and offers him a first aid kit, one he brings back to his seat to heal himself there.

While he takes out an antibiotic and some cotton pads with one hand, he uses the other to busy himself with (L/N)'s messages, against leaving them on read for so long.

no probs.

here at your service.

frisk looks great, btw.

and you? hot. 😘🔥

awkwardly hot.

hotwkward.

Frisk is reading the replies, you know?

damn.

i mean…

darn.

don't tell 'em i said that.

∆ Audio | 0:46 ∆

He clicks on it to hear Frisk giggling along with (Y/N) commenting they won't. It later continues with them asking if he's alright, specifying what they mean by highlighting a picture, this one sent by him. Blurriness makes up most of it when he clicks on it and zooms in, yet he can identify what looks like his companion from earlier, who'd apparently snapped and sent the human a photo by accident.

that's a friend o' mine.

they're, uh, kinda tipsy, so they got inna fight with me.

Really?

Are you okay?

yeah, just a lil' sore where they punched at.

What?!

i'm fine, puddin'.

dw about it.

Where's that bar at?

I'm near the mall, so I can drop by if you need anything.

aren't you still shoppin'?

take it easy.

I'm almost done.

Just trying out one more outfit.

can I see?

👀

Sure.

∆ Attachment | 2 images ∆

To his surprise, they're not only posing much more freely now, but they've also made the effort to strike another pose from a different angle. The human's outfit is composed of a dark green, semi-formal (suit/dress), fit for a night out. They've gone as far as to edit a wink emoji and some hearts at the corner of one -- the most flirty of the two.

So...

What do you think?

*jaw drops to floor, irises pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, soul beats out of rib cage, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of teeth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens jacket, combs skull* ahem, you look real lovely.

*bwushes* Thank uwu kindwy, handswome. I'm vewy fwattewed.

...frisk ain't there anymore, right?

If they wewe, duwu uwu twhink I'd be twyping wike thiws?

faiw poiwnt.

Anyway…

I noticed the changes you made in that copy-paste, and…

You didn't edit the tongue part out.

So…

What that tongue do, baby?

😳

…lick…

...ice cream.

🔥🔥🔥

Ah, that's hot.

Or should I say cold?

And speaking of cold…

I'm gonna get you an ice pack or something.

You should take care of where it's sore, if you don't want it to bruise more.

whatta way to change the subject away from our moment, puddin'.

but uh, thanks in advance.

Anytime, teddy bear.

uwu

owo

• • •

"Am I really changin', Grillbs?" Sans asks, emptying his beer in three long gulps. "Be honest with me."

The one questioned takes the empty can from his hands and shakes his head in what looks more like disapproval rather than him answering that question. He first warns the skeleton about getting drunk, and reminds him to stay sober if he wants an answer as well as prevent himself from drunk-texting the source of his lovelorn self. When receiving a promise from him in response, he later answers with a 'no' and that he's still the same whenever he came to visit the bar.

"So I'm only different when I'm talkin' about 'em?"

Grillby nods.

"Inna bad way?"

He shakes his head.

"Then…"

Sans is stopped with a hand over his and faced with a stern look, despite the owner of it having no eyes or mouth.

"If they make you happy, then it's alright for you to show it," a regular states, intervening in the conversation. "You're not a lifeless machine. And nobody's one-dimensional either, so you shouldn't force yourself to act the same, strict way all the time. If you want to be all mushy with that human, then so be it. Aren't you the one who always says stuff like 'nothing really matters; in the end, we'll all die'? What's stopping you now of all times? Where's that hardcore nihilist I've known since years ago?

Sans rubs the back of his neck and huffs.

Clearly, neither the regular nor Grillby understood what he truly meant to say with his questions. He didn't mind his relationship with the human, but he also didn't want his old self to be replaced by someone he wasn't, as a result. There were things he didn't want to change about his old self -- things he feared would fade away now that he seemed to be getting into something as complex as a romantic relationship. There were parts of him he needed to keep in case the world were to start over again -- in case something went wrong. He couldn't allow himself to grow soft.

A pat on his shoulder lets him know he's lost himself in those thoughts.

"It's alright to fear change, but don't let that hold you back. If you like that human and they do, too -- Then what's there keeping you from going for it?"

It's not that easy.

Still, he keeps that thought quiet and replies with, "Thanks, but I'll probably have to give that more ti-"

The door of the bar opens to reveal someone new to it, but not so much unknown to Sans, who already finds himself distracted by them. (Y/N) stands in front of the entrance, looking this way and that. Frisk holds on to their hand, while a reusable shopping bag's hung over their parent's arm; a pharmacy's logo and name can be seen stamped on it. The eldest human approaches the area with caution, until their child assures them -- once, twice, and then thrice -- they've been to this place before and that it serves other purposes beyond that of providing alcohol and provoking fights. When they look forward, he meets their eyes and tries to glance away quickly, only to be called out by them soon after. They don't take long to smile wide and bright, wave, and -- finally -- approach his side after he waves back at them.

Rather than giving him whatever's in the bag, they instead let go of Frisk's hand, ask them if they want anything to eat, and give them some money when they sign the word 'fries'. Then, they sit on the stool next to his and settle the bag on their lap. "Come closer, and close your eye sockets," they say, still smiling. "It's your left one, right? It looks really sore already."

He nods and tries to ignore the warmth in his soul when they place a hand over his.

In his favour, they let go of him not long after to disinfect their hands and slip some gloves on when these dry out.

"I-"

"Shh."

(Y/N) holds his chin with their hand and grazes their fingers against his injury, their touch slow and careful as they apply some antibiotic over and around it. They then slide an eye patch on him and assumedly check around for any more bruises, based on the feeling of their hands grazing against his torso, arms, and neck. "The ice pack's in the bag -- Remember to throw it in the freezer when you get home." They touch his chest again, even more gentle this time. "So..." He notices some hesitance when they pull their hand back. "You're not hurt anywhere else?"

He shakes his head, words caught in his throat.

"Alright, but don't look yet."

Doing as told, Sans waits for whatever comes next. He stays still and stiff, until he feels their lips brush close to his eye socket, where they lay a soft, ticklish kiss at. They do the same with his other one and finish it off by kissing his nose cavity.

"Now you can."

[First] | [Previous] | [Next]

• • •

...

......

🌋🔥💥 ANNOYING NOTICE TIME 💥🔥🌋

So, here's a summary of all the events happening this month, which will affect Fairytale Complex's update schedule in various ways:

1. I will be rewriting all my other fics that aren't FaiCom, since I'm pretty darn happy and proud of the new writing style I've developed with this fanfic, and so I want to implement it into my older stories (with the exception of the Tom Nook x Reader one -- I'm rewriting that one despite being recent because it started off as a wild, 3 am energy project after finishing with finals, but then I actually had way more fun than I originally anticipated, so I'll be turning it into a long fic just like this one, lol). This means FaiCom will be taking a short, 1 to 2 week break after Arc 2 (Chapter 25) ends, to dedicate some time to all 4 of these stories.

2. I'm taking extracurricular classes/hobby workshops this summer, so I need to tweak my schedule again. This means FaiCom will be changing its schedule back to the old one, composed of weekly updates on Mondays, Wednesdays, and/or Fridays.

3. As mentioned previously, Pride Month is here, so I'll be making some one-shots and drabbles related to it, meaning updates might be slightly less frequent this month. BUT, a good majority of them are FaiCom related ones (and they will be posted on a different book to avoid conflicting with regular updates, too). More on that later on!

• • •

Tag List (Comment or message me if you want to be added to [or removed from] it!)

@the-simp-express

@nektotersh

@disastrous-l0vebug

@therealchickenjoe

@mintyflakes025

@pandaquick

@timelock97

@candle-creeps

@paperb9gs

@merak0

[ato-matsuri]

On Agartha

Been a while since I’ve written a long text post, most of all one about Fate. It honestly inspires a lot of rambling in me, after all. But I don’t think, this time, it’s due to its good writing, the emotions it makes me feel, or anything good. This, my friend, is about Agartha. I should probably prelude that this contains a metric shit ton of Agartha spoilers. If you haven’t seen Agartha, and you’re actually wanting to see the story -- scroll past. But, having played through Agartha completely and rested on the story for a bit, I think I want to repeat what everyone else has for ages lol.

Agartha, on paper, is incredible. A subterranean world built off fantastical story off fantastical story, made by a woman known for her ability to weave story after story, within stories, on the fly, and from a database of every possible Arabian Nights tale. Where the fear Scheherazade has due to Shahryar's endless abuse and fearmongering has stretched even to men as a whole due to literal years of having to survive Shahryar. Where the only leaders were queens, where the only rebellion force was a man so horrifically corrupt that he'd easily fall for the tricks she played. Her intent -- to reveal magecraft forever, removing any power magecraft has, saving her from ever having to fight and face kings -- and die -- ever again. That... sounds pretty good when I describe it that way, huh? Now if only it were executed with any modicum of sense.

From the beginning, Agartha's writing struck me as remarkably odd. It was like I was watching someone desperately try to emulate Nasu's writing style -- but had absolutely no idea what made Nasu's writing so good. Its exposition dumps, rather than being interesting, ended up being thoroughly boring -- as they focused on the mundane, like the fact that moss glows to light up the landscape -- instead of the magical implications of a world like Agartha even existing to begin with. Albeit, with the mystery of Agartha at that time, we can safely assume that there wasn't much to focus on, but then why spend so damned long talking about this stuff?

The worldbuilding, while passable, feels fairly flawed in execution. The idea of a world made the way Agartha was could've made for some interesting commentary about the way men treated (and still do treat) women in modern society, but Agartha not only misses the point, but tumbles head-over-ass into the uncanny valley and makes the whole thing sound like a continent-wide BDSM session. There's barely any actual subtle or well-done symbolism to showcase misogyny in this way -- and while hyperbole can serve a good point at times, the hyperbole combined with the strangely sexual writing of these segments makes it feel less like commentary and more like a badly-done doujin.

For example -- El Dorado was as simple as it gets. Men are slaves/breeding machines/whatever. The whole 'breeding machine' thing is played off extensively, even with Penth -- a minor at this stage, mind you -- comments on using the protagonists as such breeding machines. I'll come back to this later, because this serves as another point.

Ys was a fucking cool concept -- a world ruled entirely by rampant consumerism and chaos. Men, in this world, are still second-class citizens, pretty much the playthings of the women around them. I say that Ys is the best kingdom comparatively, as it was at least more bearable than its other kingdoms, but it still felt weirdly sexual in its writing tone. Of course, following tone, Dahut (who I'll get back to later) smashes men constantly, and is very keen on fucking Guda as well, following a trend. It's played for comedy, mostly, but it's still uncomfortable as all hell. Even so, I note it's more bearable because it's a very slightly more subtle take on the whole 'misogyny' allegory -- these people are using men for basically whatever they want, and tossing them away after. I'd compare it to a few true crime cases of people who murdered, or assaulted women for no good reason at all, purely out of a want that was either denied (for good reason), or that the want itself was to inflict harm. While the allegory still does feel unintentional here, it's at least slightly less unintentional. It was probably mostly just by accident due to Agartha's generally uncomfortable writing style, but the allegory here feels a little more potent when it's not so blatantly a BDSM fic.

I hate the Nightless City, despite it again being a cool concept. A 'utopia' where speaking out at all means death -- where men are in concept free citizens, but in practice fall victim to the law if they look at someone funny. Again, in concept, great allegory. The law does not treat men and women the same -- and while it differs depending on the case which is preferred, the vast majority of the time, women are pretty much shafted by the legal system (see Brock Turner), especially in very conservative areas. Cases can be made for both genders being shafted, of course -- but for the purpose of this allegory, picking out the prejudices of the legal system against gender is a fair critique. But, like everything else Agartha does, these neat ideas fall flat in practice.

They barely touch at all on the allegory, and nobody seems to even realize it in the cast, making me further believe the allegories aren't intentional at all. In due fact, it's as if the writer didn't even realize that this could be read as an allegory. The men's plights make some sense, as they were yoinked out of nowhere into a world that hates them. But the Servants and Guda don't think about it at all past the 'wow men are slaves that sucks' -- barely even considering that this could be an allegory the world's creator made due to their own horrific circumstances. They do point this out, but to my knowledge, it's very late -- when Scheherazade's called on her bluff, only then is it ever mentioned, and only in passing at that. If anything, the fact they point this out so close to the ending makes the ending itself that much more insulting. But before I get to the ending, I think there's something else about Agartha that sets the scene for just how awful it is -- and that's the way the characters are written, and the dialogue that comes of it. For this, I'll split it up into the characters who portray this the most. I'll even describe their personalities in Agartha's context.

Guda: Crouching pervert, hidden Mash stan. A few non-sequiturs of Guda complimenting Mash despite the mood being completely broken by it. Guda's incapable of taking a situation seriously in Agartha, even when the world's basically due to be changed forever. They keep cracking jokes, creeping on Astolfo/d'Eon, and other such things even when people are literally dying all around him. For that matter, I clearly recall the scene where -- for no real reason -- Guda just changes gears with Mash in tow, and starts trying to decipher d'Eon's gender. There's absolutely no real context to this, nor any reason for Guda to do this. Further noted is the fact Guda has worked with d'Eon before, and should've probably realized d'Eon's situation by this point. The Nasuverse has always been a bit, er, behind on gender norms and such, but it's so prevalent in any scene with d'Eon it hurts -- especially in that particular scene.

Astolfo: Oddly enough, the most tolerable person here (sans one other person). Agartha's refusal to take itself seriously works remarkably well for Astolfo. And while Astolfo isn't exactly written well here either, the fact that Astolfo's always been a bit loopy makes them seem, well, more in character. They're responsible for some of the funnier moments in Agartha, with their input composing approximately 3/4 of the, like, seven or eight funny moments in Agartha proper. Even so, Astolfo's appearance sometimes hurts Agartha as much as they help it, probably since Astolfo is a bit of the reason Agartha won't take itself seriously.

d'Eon: Deserved fucking better. The previously mentioned scene was the worst offender by far in my eyes, with it coming out of fucking nowhere. d'Eon's paired with Astolfo as a buddy and fighting partner, which itself could've made for good material -- instead, d'Eon is constantly dragged into Astolfo's fanservice-y gimmicks, and d'Eon themselves are pretty often creeped on by Guda. I'd go out on a limb to say that d'Eon's implied dislike of gendered clothing (see the maid outfit) made their scenes wearing such outfits far more uncomfortable, especially with how distinctly sexual the Agartha humour is. I just hated it.

Columbus: I can't fucking believe I'm saying this, but Columbus was the funniest character in Agartha. And I don't even think that was intentional. Something about how unabashedly horrible he was caught me completely off guard -- I thought he'd end up sort of like Napoleon at a glance, someone whose Spirit Origin was completely changed due to Europe's collective worship of the dude -- but holy FUCK was I wrong. Something about the hilariously cursed faces Columbus pulls, combined with his loud-and-proud irredeemable evilness, made him a blast to watch -- and an even bigger blast to beat the shit out of. His, uh, toothy grin still cracks me up even a few weeks after playing it.

Penthesilea: One of a very large amount of people who really deserved better. She barely ever shows up -- and when she does, she voices her desire to turn Guda and co. into a breeding machine/slave (recall she's like. 16?), and pretty much throws the whole 'reasonable-ish zerk' thing out the window instantly, because Agartha decided to forego decent writing in favour of 'funny berserker hates achilles haha brrrrrr,' therefore losing pretty much all the characterization they could've given her. The lack of 'alternate views' that show her in greater detail make this far worse, which I'll go into later.

Dahut: God, wasted potential out the asshole! A woman who made an entire world that fucked around and needlessly consumed stuff, she's the epitome of such a belief. But that's all she is. I'd be able to forgive this awful writing if Scheherazade, who 'implanted' Drake onto Dahut, was a bad writer -- but she's fucking Scheherazade! Dahut's a completely flat character, who constantly tries to bed (and kill) Guda, and generally likes the idea of needless consumption. That's literally it. Again, could be explained if Dahut had difficulty keeping control of Drake's body and conscience -- but this isn't explored either! She's just a walking, talking missed opportunity.

Wu: God, look at her design. Do I even need to say more?! She falls under the same problem that the other rulers do -- shallow characterization, no opportunities to flesh them out, etc.

Scheherazade: She could've been so fucking amazing. Scheherazade's story is one ripe with interpretations the Fate series so loves to utilize -- and on paper, her character is amazing. It'd only be natural for someone like Schez to be this deeply traumatized after so many days on death's door -- not many could really get through that okay. The incredible storyteller who fears death, kings, and unconsciously, men as a whole -- creating Agartha as a subtle way of ensuring none of them harm her while she prepares her ultimate plan of revealing magecraft to the entire world. However, as with the other Agartha characters, she becomes cripplingly one-note. Bringing her fear of death above all else, she comes off as an unreasonable asshole, constantly freaking out about death and preserving exclusively herself to a fault. While one could argue it's partially due to a Pillar's influence, Phenex doesn't seem to have a hold on her at all -- it's a basic alliance, and nothing more, as the ending shows us. It just leaves her as a one-note death avoider, with no other character traits at all. I'd go into further detail, but I'm saving that for later.

Fergus: God fucking damnit, man. A literal child version of Fergus, who the entire cast constantly expects to sexually harass every woman in sight. He's a one-note flanderization of Fergus, just without the one character trait Agartha gave Fergus. It just makes him... boring, a character whose only character trait is his refusal to hit a woman. Like... Come on. The fact the entire team is so sure this literal child will start trying to hit on women is just uncomfortable to witness, and the fact he slowly starts gaining these traits feels less like him 'meeting his fate' as Fergus, and more like Agartha wants an excuse to sexually harass more of the cast.

The Fucking Ending I'm giving this its own category, because of just how much of a punch to the face it was. In short -- the plan to reveal magecraft is revealed, more jokes are made, bla bla bla. Agartha can't keep a serious mood at all. ...But the final few scenes take it to a whole other extreme.

Wu Zetian comes out of nowhere despite being squashed by Megalos earlier, stuffing Phenex into a pit of her weird water shit, placing Phenex in a state of 'life and death.' Child Fergus then sac's his own Spirit Origin to summon Fergus inside himself(???), thus gaining the power of Caladbolg to weaken Phenex enough for the player to destroy. ...However, Child Fergus just summoned Fergus inside his own body. So, what happens when you put Agartha!Fergus, a one-note sexual harasser, into the body of a child? You get the final scene of Agartha. For some reason, I guess you need more help from others to take out Phenex. To this end, Fergus decides to convince Schez to join their side. I'd like you to recall that FGO!Scheherazade is implied to have the trauma of Shahryar's abuse, sexual and physical, burned into her memory -- not just the whole death thing. In every form of the story, Shahryar abuses her in such a fashion almost nightly. It's to the point where Schez' first line of defence, and much of her skills, are as much oriented around storytelling as they are charm and seduction (moreso the former than the latter, albeit), because her defence mechanism was that as much as it was storytelling, to keep her abuser happy. This is a part of why Agartha is the way it is -- to keep such men away from her. Hell, there's not a single King in sight, save technically Fergus, and Chaldea's d'Eon and Astolfo. Fergus knows this. Hell, he heard this being called out. He's well aware how terrified she is. So, what does he do?

SEXUALLY HARASS HER. He claims she has to live to have kids. That men and women have to live to have kids. He claims that she should live, because he'd smash her. ...Now, that's insulting enough -- moreso, that it's played dead serious. Nobody even as much as calls him on such a shitty persuasion tactic, and nobody even mentions how awful it is to sexually harass a woman who'd been sexually assaulted at best for the better part of almost three straight years. AND IT. FUCKING. WORKS.

SCHEHERAZADE. IS IMPLIED. TO BE INTO IT.

And because of this, she's swayed to join the heroes and seal Phenex away for good -- giggling about how Fergus' worldview was partially correct even as she fades away. The epilogue features Fergus, sexually harassing Scheherazade ON SIGHT -- calling out 'tits on my 12:00' or whatever, as Scheherazade darts off. However, Schez isn't avoiding him due to trauma. She's avoiding it because, while she's into it, she doesn't want to 'die' so fast. This fucking ending highlights among the biggest issues with this damned Singularity. Even Blavatsky coming out of fucking nowhere to Deus Ex Machina a grail and help into Guda's hands -- despite seemingly being slaughtered by Columbus in a (admittedly a bit funny) way to get the base of the Resistance -- means nothing to me compared to the blatant slaughter of two characters at once. Fergus is a total horndog even outside of Agartha's reach, but he even notes he respects his partners' consent, and doesn't overstep his bounds if he makes them uncomfortable. Scheherazade isn't exactly trusting in the slightest, least of all in Agartha - she barely even begins trusting Guda due to Guda treating her with actual respect. Even then, she isn't actively prostrating herself for Guda in that sense, very likely due to the fact that's more of a defence mechanism to her rather than something she'd enjoy, due to extreme trauma. Albeit, Fate writing does leave the possibility in the air for Guda specifically, but that's very likely just due to Guda being Guda and being careful to treat her properly and help her than anything else (and also the whole 'self insert harem' thing, I guess, but that's a hell of a lot easier to ignore esp in contrast to Agartha) And yet, we see that epilogue, that butchers both of them in one fell swoop so badly that I almost ended up hating both of them. Agartha's biggest problem is that it tried to be deep and intriguing, while having the writing quality of the goddamned Valentine's events. It picked all the right characters to have an incredibly intriguing storyline, and fell flat because the author decided that playing sexual harassment, d'Eon's everything, and even the most serious scenes for comedy was more important than telling a story even half as meaningful as the chapters before it. Lo and behold -- to my knowledge, Minase wrote it. Of course he did. He chose the best, the most interesting characters he could find, and made them so fucking one-note that the story lost all its charm in moments. He chose to emulate Nasu without understanding what made Nasu's writing so good. He chose to make Agartha a laugh fest despite simultaneously trying to make it 'deep.' He chose to fall head-over-ass over a possibly interesting allegory into misogyny and fall right into sexualizing it to the point of feeling like a femdom BDSM fic. And go figure the only character he did decently was Christopher fucking Columbus. I have a hatred for Agartha I can't reasonably place anywhere else. Prillya was just as shitty, but I ignored it, because Prillya itself wasn't great, so of course the crossover sucks too. Valentine's events written by him weren't great, but whatever, it's a Valentine's event. Septem, written by someone else, was similarly not great. But it wasn't insulting. It simply wasn't great, and had a lot of wasted potential. But its ending wasn't out of character to the point of being insulting. Its story didn't make incredible mythological and historical figures too infuriating to like anymore. It didn't almost ruin entire Fate characters for me. Not the way Agartha did. I should probably contextualize that Scheherazade is among my favourite mythological figures. I introduced myself to her through Magi (lmao) due to further research into the base stories -- as well as a favourite Magic: The Gathering card, Shahrazad, which forced you to play a game within your game, like how Arabian Nights featured stories within stories.

Even in Fate outside of Agartha, I liked her. Her design didn't make much sense to me considering her character, but whatever, I didn't need to think too hard of it. It's just a design, and despite my hatred of Penth's design, I still love Penth as a character, so I can handle Schez. But Agartha painted her in such a way that all the subtlety and interesting parts of Schez went completely out the window. No longer was there any hidden references to the aftereffects of her life beyond 'i dun wan die,' and there was hardly an ounce of sympathy or kindness in her bones at all. While her being an anti-hero made some sense, especially as she was only a normal person with far above-average storytelling prowess, there was a point when she stopped being a 'good, but terrified person' and started being a complete asshole. And Agartha was that time. If it weren't for her Interlude, which redeemed her considerably, and Ooku, which did wonders for her character despite being written by Minase (as I believe Nasu was overseeing him at that point), I very likely would've never gone for her at all, despite my love of the myth. In Conclusion This rant is just to say that Agartha is bad. Horrific. Insulting, even. At every step where it could've been good, it tumbled head-over-ass into the most insulting, uncomfortable shit you could imagine. It failed to take itself seriously, and paced itself like a comedy event, but simultaneously acted as if it expected its audience to take it seriously. Like a clown brigade deciding to take on Les Mis, it loses all of its punch when every few lines is interrupted by a jab at Fergus, sexual harassment, or something that comes close to being cool before suddenly turning into a badly-timed joke, or suddenly becoming laden with dialogue so sexual it feels straight out of a porno. It's aggravating, awful, and with only brief reprieves of bareable comedy in between long, long lengths of hellish text and awful characterization. The only good part was the gameplay -- which, laden with interesting mechanics not seen elsewhere, was legitimately fun. My take? Avoid all Agartha cutscenes and plot, and just play the gameplay. The gameplay's fun, and if enjoyed on its own, would probably make for a far better experience than observing the story surrounding it. But good gameplay doesn't make up for a horrible story, especially in a game where plot is as important as it is in F/GO. Agartha's a pile of shit in my eyes, but that's ultimately only my opinion, and nothing more. If others have an opinion counter to mine, that's completely fine -- and don't let this analysis ruin your fun with Agartha if you enjoyed its plot. To be frank, I'd be happy if you enjoyed it where I could not. And if you think my takes are misinformed, or if I missed a spot (or overreacted to a spot), that's what the reblogs and comments are for! I'm definitely not the kind of dude who has the final say in matters like this -- this is only what I picked up. Thank you for reading!

[certifiedskywalker]

Your Rage - Din Djarin ( The Mandalorian)

Anonymous said:

I have a request!! If you don’t want to write this one, I totally get it! Sooo... I was wondering if you could write a blind!femreader who’s been travelling with Mando for sometime now and have already established a strong bond with one another. Let’s say one day blind!reader gets captured by a group of bounties that want to bait Mando and he obviously finds them. They fight, he kills all of them and he saves blind!reader and they go back to the crest and they get all soft and sweet! Thank you!

Since knowing Din Djarin, your life had become more dangerous than it had ever been before. Yet, you wouldn’t trade anything for the galaxy of possibility partnering up with Din has given you. Enough time had passed for you to grow fond of Din but not enough for you to know his anger, how strongly it burns when those he loves are in danger.

You couldn’t see your captors but you could smell them. One carried with him the odor of rotted meat and vinegar. The other reeked of predominantly stale spice smoke. Although, there were times when noxious hints of hyperfuel had you gasping for breath. Despite their shared stench, nothing was quite as vile as what you heard them say.

“Look at ‘er, can’t do nothing. Why’d the Mando take a likin’ to ‘er? Ugly thing, that one.”

“Worth more credits than you can even imagine though, Nuruka. Once we get the Mandalorian in our grasp. Riches will be ours.”

You had to bite your tongue to keep from snapping at them. Din would never slip into a trap so plainly set. Yet, you didn’t breathe a word. Silence became your strongest ally, even when the half-rate bounty hunters kicked at your cage. They were trying to draw out a reaction for you, get you to crack yourself open for them to pick at like scavenger birds.

“C’mon, ya piece a bantha foddah,” growled the one named Nuruka, “tell me all about ya lil’ Mando, yeah? You seen ‘im without dat helmet of his? Just as nasty as ya!”

You pressed your lip into a thin lip to keep from speaking. 

“Elis, its’ not talkin’ one bit! We break it?”

The sound of clicking footsteps echoed in the air around you. “Leave her be. The scanners picked up an incoming ship.”

“The Mando?” Your heart began to race at the thought of Din coming to your rescue. At first, you were relieved. He had found you, he was coming for you. The thought of seeing him again, touching him again, it brought a smile to your face.

“Who else could it be, laserbrain! Are the traps set?” 

“Heh, yeah, every bomb we got.” Dread filled your stomach at the bounty hunters’ words. You didn’t have to see Nuruka to know he was grinning. You imagined he smiled like he smelled, all rancid and slimy. “He don’t stand a chance, Elis.”

The two of them shared a deep chuckle that reminded you of the holomovies you would listen to as a child. People actually laughed like that? All on its own, the sound filled you with anger. They were so confident that Din would waltz right into their grasp. 

You knew Din and you knew that he thought things through. He would know it was a trap and you were the set bait. Din would go about your capture as he did with all thing: he would be careful. He often warned you to do the same but the fire in your heart knew no bounds.

“He would never trip up,” you snapped suddenly, unable to hold your tongue. Elis and Nuruka’s laughter died at the sound of your voice. You heard a suddenly rustling and the screech of metal as one of them yanked your cage, pulling it up to jostle you. 

“What ya say? You speak, eh, you lil’ rat! Why don’t ya start screamin’!” 

Before you could speak up again, Nuruka started to shake your cage. You could feel the anger radiating in all its’ heat from his body. From that alone you knew that whoever and whatever Nuruka was he was massive. It took all you had to keep yourself from being thrown about your cage as the bounty hunter tossed it around. 

“Stop! Put her down!” Elis’ screech broke through and suddenly, Nuruka set you and your cage down. Silence fell over the three of you. You listened, let the wild beat of your heart steady so you could focus. All you heard was the shifting of the ship in space.

“What is it E-”

“Shut it!” Elis hissed cruelly.

“Hey! Don’t-”

An explosive, a wall-shaking blast, roared up from whatever ship the bounty hunters were holding you on. You could feel the heat of the blast from under the floor which told you that the ship had to be, at least, a Class B freighter with two levels; and that Din had arrived. 

“He’s here,” Elis snapped, “get your blaster!”

You could hear their panicked footsteps as they scrambled to find their weapons.

 After the blast, the air around you seemed to hum. Jitters, pre-battle shakes, began to take hold of you and you attempted to stand in your cage. So cramped it was that, when you tried to straighten your posture, your head knocked against the ceiling. The cage was for small livestock and the bounty hunters that thrown you inside like yesterday’s trash. From inside, you would be no help to Din in the firefight to come.

“Scanners can’t pick ‘im up!” Nuruka shouted, nervousness lacing his voice.

“What?!”

A grin crept along your features as Nuruka and Elis shouted back and forth. Even if Din had set off the bombs by accident, the explosion was enough to loosen the wiring of the life-signature scanners. Essentially, Din was invisible. With the element of surprise with him, your partner stood a far greater chance.

Contented with that fact, you sat back in your cage with your arms crossed over your chest. You felt so light it was almost as if you were meditating. In knowing Din, you also knew that he would not leave you behind. So, you relaxed for the first time since your capture.

“Why does it look like that, Elis? Why is ‘er face all peaceful and such?”

“Focus Nuruka!”

“Don’t yell at me! I jus’ askin’ ya a-”

Before the brute could finish, a loud, startling metal ‘clang’ sounded in the room. A rush of air that smelled of smoke and chemicals hit your face, making you cringe. You heard Nuruka give a belly-full war cry before the blaster fire began. With a gasp, you pressed yourself to the cold floor of the metal cage. Smoke filled your lungs and you began to cough as the bounty hunters shot at each other.

With all the noise, it felt as if your ears were being assaulted; punched over and over again until all your heard was ringing. You squeezed your unseeing eyes shut and tried to focus on the sound of your heartbeat. When you couldn’t hear that, you thought of Din. You thought of his touch, the most recent time you felt his fingers dance along your neck and trailing love along your skin. You could not let that be the last time.

There was a sharp cry that broke through the ringing in your ears. A moment later, the blaster fire stopped. The air in your lung was still thick with plasma discharge and the ringing faded into silence. Suddenly, the sound of your heart filled your ears. Who won?

You stayed still as possible. Holding your breath, you played dead. You tried to, at least, until the steady sound of your heartbeat melted into another noise. Footsteps, almost as steady as your heart, echoed in your eardrums. 

“Y/N.”

You sat up immediately, your fingers wrapping around the bars of the cage. “Din!”

“Hold on, I’ll get you out of here.”

“Din, did you-”

“They’re gone.” At his cold tone, you swallowed hard. “I had to, Y/N,” Din continued as you heard him fiddling with the door to your cage. “They would have…”

He trailed off and you didn’t ask him to finish. You knew well what his words implied. If he hadn’t come Nuruka and Elis would have lost their patience. They would have killed you or, possibly worse, sold you to the Hutts; any crimelord or smuggler for that matter. 

So, you stayed quiet as Din released you from your confines. There was a rattling screech as Din opened the door. You felt his hands, strong and gloved, wrap around your wrist as he guided you out. You could also feel his rage, white-hot and still burning.

“Watch your head,” he said softly, “Y/N, are you hurt?”

And there is was, that softness you had always known from Din. You stepped out of the cage and stretched, Din’s hand still on your arm. “No, just...just tired. I want to go home.”

The hand Din still had on your forearm tightened at your words. It was a little touch, reminding you that, even though you couldn’t see him, he was always there; for you, specifically. You let him guide you out of the bounty hunter’s ship, letting Din’s hot anger cool with the movement. Whether it was adrenaline or fear, without it, Din was tired. 

As you walked, you could feel Din beginning to grow heavy. To got to the point where you lifted your arm from his grip and wrapped your fingers around his bicep. When he leaned into you, you gave his arm a squeeze. You had never felt an anger like Din’s before, not one so strong that it left someone drained. 

As you opened your mouth to ask him about it, you felt Din pull you to the side and heard a sliding door hiss open. “There’s a step, here.”

Din led you inside and you were hit with the familiar scents of the Razor Crest. The ship, the Razor Crest, and Din were the closest thing to home that you had ever encountered. It felt good to be back despite the worry that was eating away at you. 

When you and Din were safely inside the Razor Crest, you squeezed his arm once more. “Din, wait, please.”

“What? Are you hurt?” You could feel his warmth as he stood before you. With gentle hands, you reached up and cupped his helmet. 

“Please.” He knew your one-word plea and your felt his hands on your wrists. With a tenderness he reserved only for you, he placed your hands on his shoulders. You heard the hiss of his helmet as he lifted it off his head. There was a ‘clunk’ on the ground beside you and the slipping of fabric against rough palms.

Finally, Din’s hands, now bare, found your wrists again. You bit back the smile that threatened to spill over on your lips. Worry still clung to you even as you now clung to Din.

“May I?”

“Of course,” his raw voice, unhindered by his helmet, sent chills down your spine. With exploring hands, you traced your finger tips along his face. Jaw first, your trailed the pads of your fingers through his scruff. The coarse hair tickled your skin until you moved to his eyebrows. You mapped out his face with your hands, the curve of his lips, the slope of his nose; every last detail was yours to know and no one else's.

His cheeks were warm to the touch from where his anger had scorched his flesh.

“I could feel your rage,” you murmured. “I’ve never felt it so strongly before. You knew I would be safe.” Din opened his mouth, you could feel his jaw tense then relax as he spoke.

“You have too much faith in me.” He said it in a whisper, so softly that you couldn’t help but smile. “They set traps.”

“Poor traps,” you replied, “they talked about them. They rigged explosives in their own ship.” Din smiled, you could feel the dimple form in his cheek.

“So you had faith that they were inexperienced.” 

“It sounded better when you said I had faith in you,” you fired back. A few seconds of quiet passed but it was enough time for worry to take a hold on you again. “Were you scared?”

“About the traps?”

“No,” you sighed, letting your hands fall to his neck. “I know you weren’t scared about the traps. You know what I mean.” Din’s hands found your waist, pulled your body flush to his.

“Terrified.” You let your thumbs rest on his cheeks and rub the skin to soothe him. “I’ve only...I don’t feel like that often. I…”

“It’s okay, Din,” you whispered. “I’m here. I won’t leave you again.” You could feel Din smile again but it was half-hearted; a bitter smile.

“That’s a promise neither of us can keep.” You nodded and traced your thumbs along his cheeks once more. He wasn’t wrong. This life, this home, you and Din shared was wild. You were just freed from a cage that rival bounty hunters had thrown you into.

“Okay then,” you leaned towards him, enticingly close. “We do know that we’ll always find each other. We’ll always find the other.”

“Always,” Din replied smoothly. Worry melted away as Din’s voice sounded light for the first time in ages. You leaned in, pressed your forehead to his asking silent permission. He didn’t answer, he didn’t have to. Instead, he kissed you with all the softness he could.

There were no enduring flames of angry. It was only you and Din in that moment. You would always find each other in the end. Always.

[invminor]

𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: viktor antonievich vasylenko 

𝐀𝐆𝐄: thirty-one, 29 December 1929

𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄: vladivostok, russian SFSR

𝐎𝐂𝐂𝐔𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: pianist for the bolshoi ballet

Viktor waited for the liquor to warm him throughout before he approached the bench. It was the only way he felt just brave enough short of stupid to lift the cover, dance his fingers over the keys. They were still so stiff – his fingers. He’d warmed them and cooled them, made fists and extended them fully, and they still wouldn’t always act on command. A smarter man, with more of a spine, might have blamed his father. He was, after all, the one who put the bottle through Viktor’s hand – no matter what the fever dreams and self-hatred said in the late, or early hours. No, Viktor had fashioned the resentment into an albatross of his own, hanging limp and heavy from his neck. 

His fingers ghosted over the keys, soft and hesitant, like meeting a lover after so many months apart. And that’s what this was – wasn’t it? His first love: music, the piano, story through song. A whole world in percussion, the soft tap against taut string. Viktor loved women – and men, when he was feeling bold – but nothing so much as he loved the piano. Carefully, his fingers formed chords over the keys, but he withheld from pressing down. Silence could be many things: dangerous, suffocating. Tonight it was precious, a precipice Viktor stepped towards and curled his toes over. He had not touched a piano in months – more months than the space when his mother died. Nothing scared him more than the thought of sitting here, sheet music opened, unable to even run a scale. 

With tender, aching hands, Viktor began to play. 

Trigger warnings for: implied suicide, car accidents, violence and drug abuse

Viktor is born at the edge of the world. That is to say, he’s born in the last few breaths of the year, on the eastern most fingertip of the Soviet Union’s outstretched hand. He’s born screaming, and largely stays that way, a fussy child from the early hours onward. He hasn’t yet learned what that means for him, the son of a military man and school teacher. What it means to grow sideways, bent like a houseplant, in a home of strict rules and steady voices.

It’s not all quiet and somber silence, though it often feels that way. In the dark hours, when Viktor is tucked into bed and his door firmly shut, his mother indulges. In music, mostly – operas and concertos, Soviet and Western. Often in these moments she will rifle through her books, read herself to sleep. Viktor, for his part, is lulled near nightly by the gentle whispers of instruments he doesn’t yet know the name for.

He asks one evening, when his father is away and his mother has dusted off the record player in the last few minutes of waning daylight. He peers over her shoulder as she rifles through the records, musing softly to herself. When the music is playing, a glass of something dark and forbidden is in his mother’s hand, Viktor grows brave and asks what the music is. Where it came from, who wrote it, what it means. In the hours of indulgence, Viktor’s mother gives him this, too: music and theater and opera, symphony and art and stories. Very late one night, she cracks open the ancient upright sagging in the corner, brings her son’s small hands to the ivory keys, and neither acknowledge the way Viktor’s father huffs from the smokey kitchen.

When Vitkor is 12, the music cuts short. A car accident, the authorities say on the snowy doorstep, Viktor once again peeking over his father’s broad shoulders. Dangerous conditions, nothing to be done. Later, Viktor will wonder if driving down a road his mother had come through a thousand times could be an accident, if the way she kissed him in the morning, held him a beat too long, could be anything except goodbye. The funeral is a somber, silent affair. The upright gets older, untouched; the records packed away, the player sold.

Viktor pulls his first trigger not four months later, behind the house facing the dense wood. His fingers are shaking of cold and hunger and mostly nerves, but his face is cool and impassive as his father’s. He misses every can, bowl, and bottle, and stays out past dark, until he finally he hears the first, victorious ding.

They strike a silent bargain, the remaining Vasylenkos: Viktor continues his shooting practice, and he may be permitted to learn music in school. The upright goes untouched, the home a memorial to music. But in the daylight, surrounded in cinderblock, Viktor learns to play. His fingers are clumsy and undisciplined – he is, after all, still a terrible shot. The music is not like his mother’s, not beautiful or wonderful; no story to it. Not yet.

You see, it’s a hard thing to shake Viktor from something he’s set his mind to. He is not so married to the military lifestyle, but it is a means to an end. And so as he graduates from minuets and sonatinas, advances towards concertos and preludes, so too does he drag his marksmanship behind him, like cans banging behind his bumper. Like water coming to a boil, Viktor bursts through concerts and competitions. His father remains unconvinced, even in the faces of awards and accomplishments, newspaper articles and photographers at the front door. It’s not an honorable career, the arts, not nearly so much as the military, so much as serving your country.

Viktor comes home late, one evening, smelling of celebration and liquor and women. He forgets, for a moment, how quiet the house is at night, and promptly shatters the silence. His father’s been drinking, too, see – and neither of them can quite keep their words to themselves. Tensions are rising with Japan, his father says, they’ll need new boots and guns in the coming months. Not again, sighs Viktor, haven’t they done this already? He has a real shot at a career, at leaving for Leningrad, making great music, making his mother proud.

He doesn’t quite remember how the bottle went through his hand. Perhaps his hand went through the bottle? He remembers the neck of it his father’s fist, knuckles white, and then the bloody mess on the floor, Viktor’s skin in ribbons, red on the tile.

There’s a finality to the quiet, now; less a blanket and more a death shroud. Viktor’s hand is shattered, and his prospects. Money grows thin in their pockets, food stale and scarce in the cupboards. It’s then, in the hazy hours of the night, sluggish from rage and pain, that Viktor hears the music. Not his own, the jagged unfinished compositions or imitations of others far greater than him. He hears his mother’s music, drifting up and under the cracks of his bedroom door. It’s impossible, of course. The records are gone, the upright salvaged for parts. Still, Viktor falls asleep to the smell of amber drink and the final notes of Winter in Four Seasons.

Except, the music never quite stops. It slows and quiets, or hastens and grows louder, but no, it never goes quiet again. Viktor was not one to believe in ghosts, and yet. More than once he’d come downstairs in the night, eyes clouded with sleep, expecting to see – well, not his mother, but the evidence of her. A glass on the end table, stained with lipstick. Her books, long gone, spread out on the floor.

It is certainly a strange type of haunting, one that follows Viktor through the months of painful healing. He doesn’t speak much, almost afraid of what might come out of him if he does. He must be mostly music now, if not half a ghost. With no way to let it out, Viktor has let it fill him up, let it threaten to swallow him whole. He goes mad his last night before he leaves for Leningrad – a position in the concert hall, not particularly glamorous, but promised by a pitying former colleague – turns his whole room on its head. It doesn’t help; nothing seems to. 

The first days in Leningrad are filled with cleaning stages and instruments. It’s mindless, thankless work, but it lines his pockets. Practice, in the quiet hours, is slow and unsteady. Viktor’s fingers ache before an hour is through. Ice baths help, and the medicine helps more, but it will be months before he can play a full piece in one go. 

It’s a close thing, surrender. Viktor has done it many times in his life – mostly to his father. It’s close again, as his hands fail him and his job cuts at him each day. Victories are small, but precious. A full sonatina. A spare conversation with the first violinist. Slowly, the path begins to right itself. Viktor has spent almost two year in Leningrad before he is once again seated at a piano before a crowd. He’s never had to audition for a job position, not in Vladivostok, and now he feels he might faint under the lights. Pianist, for the Bolshoi? How could he begin to think such a thing, let alone believe it. 

The job is his, but not without consequences. He moves to Moscow. There’s constant pain following him like a second unwelcome ghost. The doctors write him prescriptions, more with each week, but it only seems to numb the rest of him, dull him to the simple ache of living but not the failures of his father’s affection – no matter how many Viktor swallows in one go. Beneath the pain, there is a flicker of something new and unfamiliar. Something uncomfortable, strange, but not entirely unwanted.

[a-student-out-of-time]

April Fools Special Review: Part 2

Recovering from Rock Bottom

In just one day, Hibiki’s entire life was demolished. She discovered that her beloved twin sister was in fact a murderous serial killer with a body count within the 60s, and the reason Kanade killed was because she was obsessed with Hibiki. As soon as Hibiki recovers from the Puppet State survival instinct kick in as she fears that Kanade is coming for her and that anyone who gets close to her will die, as all of her friends over the years have done. She isn’t just uncomfortable around others; she is also uncomfortable about herself. Learning about the ‘puppet state’ that Kanade could do anything to her and she cannot remember a thing, and knowing that Kanade lusted for her, meant while it’s never confirmed, its strongly implied that Kanade might have…performed indecent acts on Hibiki during her Puppet State. The only people who could reach out to Hibiki, is the only people she had any meaningful interactions with in the Concert arc; Hajime and Chiaki. They manage to get Hibiki to calm down and reassure her that her sister is arrested, and that she is never coming back. Okay, so that might not be necessarily true thanks to Junko’s machinations, but Hibiki doesn’t need to know about that. And it’s not just Hajime and Chiaki that offer an olive branch to Hibiki. Staying at Hope’s Peak dorms means that Hibiki has access to the therapeutic help of Miaya, Koroko and Yoruko who are there to help with the many, many mental issues that all the teenagers at Hope’s Peak have. And Class 77-B also have offered their support to Hibiki and more or less make her an honorary member of their class. This is easily one of the most heart-warming aspects of the Blog at that point, as mentioned in a previous arc review; Class 77-B is unique among Hope’s Peak classes in which all of the class are friends with each other and are willing to offer that friendship to those outside of their class whether it would be Hajime, Hibiki or later on, the Voids.

As July progresses, while the Quantum Crew have to deal with issues such as Nikei going rogue, telling the Voids about the future and why Mikado is not a person to trust under any circumstances, Koroko reconnecting with her daughter Mikako, dealing with Akane Taira and discovering the third time traveller Sora, and more evidence why Junya is a Bitcharse Motherfucker, Hibiki has been slowly recovering. She is really starting to connect with Class 77-B and throughout the month has made some very strong connections with them. Sadly for Hibiki, life hasn’t stopped sucking for her as within the last summer week at Hope’s Peak before summer vacation kicks in, two bombshells were dropped on her. The first is that after weeks of radio silence, Hibiki’s parents were finally contacted and it’s not good news. They are planning on leaving Japan forever and are essentially abandoning Hibiki. Now this…. I can kinda understand why they would do this with the socioeconomical context lens on Japan. The Mod hasn’t really done a survey on the demographics on where all the readers/anons come from, but if I have to wanger a guess, I think a large majority of them are American or from Western countries, with very fans from Japan itself. Why is this important? Because it means that Japanese culture is often misinterpreted due to us not being from said culture. Japan is a Collectivist Confucianism ordinated country, with a strong emphasis placed on family, a single family member who committed a sin risks condemning the rest of the entire family to similar stigmatization by their peers. Just by being related to one of Japan’s most twisted serial killers, the parents of the Otonokoji Twins have their entire lives ruined, and there is literally no way they could survive in the country. Their only option is to basically leave the country and never come back. Hibiki is obviously not being taken, because regardless of where they go, Hibiki would receive similar stigma and condemnation in any country she visits. Is it still a dick move? Yes, yes, it is a horrible move to do. I might understand why Hibiki’s parents did what they did, but understanding does not correlate to condoning. The second is that Hope’s Peak because it’s such a kind and understanding academy that always cares about the well-being of its students, said they are no longer housing Hibiki and are kicking her out, more or less making her homeless. Its par on the course for that school, every sane person condemns them for it, and I can’t wait for when in Session 4, Nikei publishes his Death Note article which would make the Academy shut down faster than him denying that he is into Taira. Hibiki, doesn’t take this well as you can imagine, and almost immediately as Hajime announces this to Class 77-B, pretty much all of them offer to house Hibiki. Again, it shows how tightly she was able to bond with them in such a short span of time and how much that class values their bonds of friendship. Eventually though, its decided that Hajime will house Hibiki for a few reasons. Firstly, Hajime’s parents are rarely in, so he can handle having Hibiki within his house. Secondly, Hajime’s house is fairly close to the school so Hibiki can visit her friends over at Class 77-B anytime she likes and lastly, Hibiki is pretty much the closest to Hajime and Chiaki, and while Chiaki lives at a freaking mansion due to how loaded her family is, she doesn’t know when her parents will come home and how well they would take the news. Also, it’s not that close to Hope’s Peak like Hajime’s place is.

Housing Hibiki though presents its own problems as well…Hibiki doesn’t know that Hajime is in fact Kasugano, and thus Hajime has to juggle his superhero antics, somehow make Hibiki none the wiser to it. There were a few slip ups as Hibiki accidently opened a box which contained Kotoko when Hajime and Chiaki were in the middle of transferring her from the dorms to Chiaki’s mansion. While everything with Hibiki was going on, Kotoko had enough of being pimped out and ran away all the way to Mikan’s dorms. Chiaki agreed to house Kotoko until her bastard parents are arrested. Hibiki though helped out as when Juzo went to investigate the noise she said that the stairs were old and need fixing and more or less saved Hajime’s and Chiaki’s skin. When asked why, Hibiki’s rational was that while she didn’t understand why they had Kotoko, after saving her, Hibiki knew they were protecting Kotoko just like her and agreed to cover for them. The second was when arranging to meet the Voids in their warehouse because Nikei was getting cagey about Hajime and Hajime decides that now is the time for them to know the truth, Hibiki overheard the conversation. She figured out that Hajime was up to something but didn’t think too much of it, though suspicions that Hajime and Kasugano being the one and same person is starting to correlate. Even when Hibiki sussed out that Hajime was Kasugano, she chose to not blet out his identity to others as well, Hajime saved her life after all. There has got to be a reason for why he does what he does.

As previously mentioned Hibiki has two problems to overcome. Coming to terms with Kanade’s true nature, and coming to terms with the possibility that she might have been violated by Kanade. This made Hibiki very uncomfortable with her body, it took her a few weeks to simply shower, as she was so disgusted by herself that she couldn’t think to wash herself. Not that Hajime minds as it’s not the first time he had a smelly girl with him. *flashback to Hiyoko in the OG Timeline* And when Hibiki did work up the courage to shower herself, it took twice as long and she almost had a breakdown as a result. However, she wasn’t going to let Kanade control her anymore so first thing’s first, she had to get used to touching people again, and her first step was to allow Hajime to touch her hand, which escalated into a full-blown hug. Despite how scared she was, Hibiki enjoyed the hug and when Hajime returned after telling Nikei and friends why if a Clown Wizard gives you an offer, you should always refuse it among many other things, he finds a batch of homemade cookies alongside a sleeping Hibiki. This is really sweet because the last time Hajime got food from the Otonokoji Twins, it was a murder plot by Kanade, but this time it’s a sweet thank you gesture for all the help he has been dealing with. And this is the start of the turnabout.

[calligraphist-artemisia]

Just Another Cinderella Story (Chapter 1)

Once upon a time, there was a boy who was left in the care of his uncaring stepmother. Raised in a life of servitude and seeing his stepbrother lavished with praise and given everything he desired, the boy knew there was only one way he would ever be free. If their dreams of marrying into a life of luxury came true, then he would be left with his childhood home and he would finally be able to turn his life around.

Of course, Fate often has other plans in mind.

Also posted on AO3 under the username Kishirokitsune

- - - - -

1. Saponaria officinalis

It began as all old tales did, with a child who was pure of heart and thrust into a situation beyond their control. In this case, the child was a boy whose kind father was taken from him far too early, leaving him in the clutches of his wicked stepmother.

He grew up in servitude and hoped that one day things would get better. Perhaps one day, when his stepmother's wish to marry her perfect son to a rich princess came true, they would leave his father's house and him behind. Until then, he would keep his head down and work as hard as he could.

It didn't always work. There was always something his stepmother found not to her liking and his stepbrother was even worse with his constant criticism.

His life wasn't all bad, however. Every now and then, under the guise of gathering wild berries in the woods, he could get away and visit a friend.

Keith met Takashi Shirogane purely by accident.

It happened on a hot summer day on one of the rare occasions he opened his big mouth and talked back to his stepbrother, earning himself a series of painful lashings that split the skin across his back badly enough to bleed. He was then sent out into the woods to gather wood for the stove. When he inevitably collapsed, Shiro was the one who found him.

The man was called a witch by the townsfolk and he lived in a cabin with his partner, Curtis. The two of them took Keith in, cleaned and bandaged his wounds, and fed him before allowing him to leave.

Keith couldn't go to them often, but whenever he felt his patience wearing thin he found an excuse to get away.

As always, Shiro and Curtis welcomed him to their cozy cabin with open arms. Shiro took his basket from him and gestured for Keith to take a seat, while he filled the basket with a variety of herbs and berries, giving credence to Keith's excuse.

“Thank you,” Keith said as he sat down, sinking into the soft furniture with a relieved sigh.

“How is your back?” Curtis asked from where he stood in the kitchen. There was a dusting of flour covering his hands and the front of his apron, and luckily there was none was sprinkled through his brown hair. (Keith had yet to see Curtis not looking like a mess while he was baking.)

“It feels tight sometimes, but it doesn't hurt anymore,” Keith said.

Shiro stopped filling the basket and went to a nearby cupboard, where he selected a green clay container. He uncorked it and looked inside, nodding in satisfaction at what he saw.

Knowing what was coming next, Keith stripped out of his shirt and folded it up in his lap, turning so Shiro had better access to his back. He pulled his hair forward so it was no longer in the way either.

Shiro sat down on the couch next to him and dipped his fingers into the jar, scooping out a generous amount of salve. He gently smoothed it over the scars and smiled at Keith's initial flinch, knowing it was due to the unusual coolness and mild tingle it produced on contact. “This should help with the tightness. You know if you allowed me to apply this more regularly, you wouldn't be able to tell that there are any scars.”

“You know I can't do that,” Keith murmured, relaxing under Shiro's light touch.

“They don't deserve you.”

Keith had nothing to say to that. It was a conversation they had every time he saw Shiro and it always ended with Keith returning to his personal hell.

He knew he could leave and his so-called family would presume him dead and continue on with their lives, glad to be rid of him. They weren't the reason he stayed. He stayed for the manor; it was his father's home and the place which held all of his fond memories of what little time they shared together. The thought of leaving made him feel as though he was abandoning all of that.

“How long are you staying today, Keith?” Curtis asked.

“Long enough that I no longer want to strange Lotor with his stupid hair,” Keith grumbled in response, earning a chuckle from the other two men.

“Ah, so you're moving in,” Curtis joked with a grin.

Keith tried not to smile, knowing it would only encourage them. “I might stay the night and leave before sunrise, if that's alright.”

“You won't get in trouble for being gone for so long?” Shiro replaced the cork on top of the jar and stood to put it away.

“They're entertaining for the evening and gave me specific instructions to stay out of sight. As long as I'm back to serve them breakfast, they won't care.”

Shiro stood up and headed back to the cupboard to put away the jar. “In that case, I'm going to prepare a proper bath for you. I know I just applied the salve, but there's one that will work even better after you've soaked for a while. No arguments.”

Keith made a frustrated sound, but Shiro was already heading for the back door. He watched as Shiro paused for a moment to whisper to Curtis before he walked through the door and disappeared into the sprawling garden.

He knew there was no point in arguing. Shiro would give him a sad look and Keith's resolve would crumble, unable to stand the idea of disappointing someone who genuinely cared about him.

Keith turned his attention to Curtis instead. “Who are you baking for today?”

“Well, I suppose it's for you since you'll be joining us for dinner,” Curtis said, giving him a fond smile. “Shiro suggested I make it. He does that sometimes, when he believes we'll have a visitor who could use a good meal. I hope you like blackberry cobbler.”

“That sounds incredible,” Keith said, unable to say for sure if he would like it. As long as Curtis was the one doing the cooking, he was sure it would all be delicious.

Keith struggled to properly relax while he waited for Shiro to return. He was so used to working all day that it felt unnatural to sit and do nothing. Maybe Curtis would let him clean the pots and pans?

He doubted it.

Shiro came and went, flitting about like a man on a mission. He didn't stop to talk to either of them. All of his focus was on the task he had set for himself. Just when Keith was about to beg Curtis to give him something to do, Shiro returned and herded him to a smaller room where a deep tub of steaming water was waiting for him. It smelled faintly of herbs, but Keith couldn't tell which ones.

Next to the tub was a bench that held several jars of soaps, a towel, and a fresh set of clothing.

“Shiro-”

“You deserve this,” Shiro firmly cut in, not allowing Keith to finish his sentence. “Wash up and relax. I'll knock when I think you've been in here long enough and then you can get out. I'd like to apply the new salve before you put a shirt on. After that, you're welcome to help me with a few things before dinner.”

“Don't do anything to my normal clothes,” Keith said.

Shiro sighed heavily as though he really wanted to disagree, but instead he promised he wouldn't do anything to them.

Keith waited for him to leave before removing his threadbare clothing, carefully folding each item, and setting them aside in an attempt to keep them reasonably neat. He then eased himself into the hot water, letting it soothe his aching body. The soft scents of whatever herbs Shiro put into the water lulled him into a relaxed state, clearing his mind and giving him a moment of peace that he hadn't realized he needed.

He felt incredible by the time Shiro knocked on the door and it was with some reluctance that he climbed out of the tub and began to dry himself off, leaving his hair for last. He then swiftly dressed in the undergarments and pants, marveling over how soft it was and feeling a little undeserving of such finery.

Keith carried the shirt and accompanying vest with him out to the main room, where Shiro swooped in to rub a new salve over his back, though he first ran his fingers through Keith's damp curls,  tugging free any tangles he found.

“Don't bother. I'm going to chop it off soon,” Keith said, reaching back to pull his hair from Shiro's hands.

“You shouldn't,” Shiro said in a tone that implied he knew something but wasn't ready to reveal what he knew. He uncorked a new jar and spread its contents over the scars on Keith's back, one at a time.

Unlike the first salve, it felt surprisingly warm and remained that way once Shiro was done.

“You shouldn't have any more problems with your back,” Shiro said.

“Really?” Keith twisted around to look at him in surprise. “What's the difference between this one and the one you used earlier?”

“The other one relieves pain and softens the scar tissue so it doesn't pull as tightly. It's a quick fix for anyone who needs to stay active and is normally best suited for minor aches and pains. This one heals more deeply than that, but you can't strain yourself for at least six hours so it has time to work,” Shiro explained. “I've found that it also helps to take a warm bath beforehand.”

Keith didn't fully understand how any of it worked and he doubted he ever would, so he nodded along with what Shiro said and accepted it as the truth.

“So I have to sit still even longer? I thought you wanted my help with something,” he said, crinkling his nose.

“I do want your help,” Shiro said brightly. He stood up, taking the jar with him so he could put it back. “It's nothing strenuous and a little activity won't hurt anything.”

“I'll do it,” Keith agreed without waiting to hear what he would be doing. It didn't matter, so long as he didn't have to sit still.

Shiro returned to give his back one last look over and then directed Keith to put on the shirt and jacket. Keith almost left the vest off. He took a moment to trace his fingers over the white embroidery spiraling over one of the pockets and to marvel over how soft and warm the red fabric was. It was far nicer than anything he'd ever been allowed to wear and it was only the fact that it was clearly well-worn that had him shrugging it on.

Shiro nodded in approval. “Sit and turn your back to me. I'm doing something with your hair.”

“Any reason why you're determined to dress me up today?” Keith did as his friend asked without waiting for the answer. He soon felt gentle fingers return to his curls, once again working on getting rid of the tangles.

“Do I need a reason?” Shiro asked, and though his tone was lighthearted, Keith was sure he could detect an edge of frustration.

“Well, no... I guess not.”

Shiro continued to work on his hair until he could get his fingers through without catching on a single knot and then began to gather sections as he debated how he wanted to arrange Keith's hairstyle. He muttered to himself and Keith wasn't entirely sure it was fully in English because there was so much of it he couldn't understand.

Eventually, Shiro settled on a simple, single braid.

“Now you're ready to help me,” he said as he stood up. He held out a hand for Keith to take and helped him stand.

Keith expected an evening in the garden, gathering herbs and flowers of all varieties so that Shiro could dry them or do whatever he needed, but instead he was led to a room he'd never been allowed inside. He realized why immediately.

Shelves lined the walls, filled with a variety of pots and baskets. One was specifically for hanging dried plants. Another held books of all sizes. In the very center was the room was a cauldron on a pedestal, with a fire pit beneath it that lit itself the moment the door was shut.

If Keith ever needed confirmation that maybe the stories of Shiro being a witch were true, that was it. He wasn't worried though. Shiro had never given him a reason to distrust him.

“Should I really be in here?” Keith asked.

“I don't see why not. I normally get Curtis to help me with things like this,” Shiro told him. “Healing salves require quiet and I have to do those myself, but I also make soaps. That's what you'll be helping me with today. Could you get that basket of soapwort?”

Keith took a moment to look around, crossing off a number of plants before he came across one with a few white flowers still attached. “This one?”

“That's it,” Shiro said with a nod. “Take it over to the table and start chopping one of the bundles. Try and get the pieces as evenly as you can, but don't stress if they aren't. Once you have a full bundle cut, you can put it in the cauldron and add one jar of dried soapwort so it can all boil together.” He walked over to one of the shelves and plucked up a fist-sized jar, which he took over to the table where Keith would be working.

“Do you do this a lot?” Keith asked as he got to work.

“At least once a week I make a lemon soap for Curtis to take into town and sell with his pies,” Shiro said. “The one we're making is for a friend. Nettle and rose this time, I think.”

Keith focused on what he was doing as Shiro got lost in his own musings, as he was prone to do when he was working on something he found important. He found chopping the soapwort a relaxing activity and quickly finished the single bundle he was asked to do. He swept it all up into another jar – when did that get there? - and then carried the fresh and dry soapwort to the cauldron and dumped it all in. The ladle stirred it all together on its own.

The blatant display of magic had Keith gasping in surprise.

Shiro looked over at the sound. “Ah, sorry about that. It's charmed to automatically stir. I've had one too many recipes burn while I was trying to get everything in order. The wind chimes are the same.” He pointed to the ceiling, where a few copper tubes were hanging in close proximity.

“It's fine. I just wasn't expecting it,” Keith said, backing away from the cauldron with slight weariness. He breathed in, reminding himself that he trusted Shiro and that the magic was useful and not dangerous, and then walked over to see if his friend needed any other help. “So, uh, what now?”

“Now we add the rose and nettle so it can boil along with the soapwort,” Shiro said, handing Keith one jar. “Both are good for the skin, but I use rose petals specifically for the scent.”

Keith and Shiro spent most of the evening in the little room, working first on a liquid soap for Shiro's mystery friend, and then on a smaller jar of lemon soap that he insisted Keith take home for general household cleaning. By the time they emerged, laughing and joking around, Curtis was nearly finished with dinner.

“You're taking this better than I thought. Even Curtis avoided me for two days when I first showed him my magic,” Shiro complimented.

“Hey, in my defense, you didn't exactly ease me into it,” Curtis spoke up, an amused smile on his face. “And I spent those two days calling myself an idiot for running from you.”

“I suppose I could have broken in the news a bit more gently...”

Keith couldn't help but smile as he listened to them banter back and forth. It was yet another thing that generally went unsaid in regards to Shiro's life; the exact nature of his partnership with Curtis was central to much of the town gossip, always spoken about in whisper and yet somehow without judgment. It was treated as any other talk about who liked who.

All Keith cared about was how happy they were together.

Shiro stepped into the kitchen, mischief in his expression, but before he could do whatever he was planning on, a horse whinnied outside and he turned around to go out and greet their new visitor instead.

“Keith, come with me,” he instructed.

Keith glanced over at Curtis, who only shrugged and went back to cooking. With no help forthcoming he followed after Shiro. Outside they found a cloaked rider astride a dappled gray horse and as Shiro approached the rider pushed back their hood to reveal a young woman with light brown hair.

“It's good to see you, Pidge,” Shiro greeted as he grasped one end of the reigns. He held the horse steady as the woman swung her legs over and hopped down.

“Hi, Shiro. And Shiro's new friend.” She flashed a quick smile at Keith before turning her attention back to Shiro. “I hope I'm not interrupting. I know it isn't exactly one of my scheduled visits, but I had to get away for a while.”

“You're always welcome here,” Shiro said. “Keith, would you mind helping her inside while I take Jasmine to the barn?”

Keith nodded and held out his hand for her to take, which she did with a smile that seemed amused. Keith was sure that meant he was doing something wrong or not quite appropriate, but she didn't call him out on it and let him walk her into the cabin, where she also greeted Curtis and complimented him on how good the food smelled.

“Another guest for dinner,” Curtis said, sounding delighted. “Why don't you both wash up. We'll be ready to eat once Shiro comes back inside.”

There were two pumps that Keith knew of. One was in the kitchen and the other in the washroom, which was where he and Pidge headed to clean up as Curtis asked. He let Pidge go first.

“So, how long have you known Shiro and Curtis?” she asked, curiosity coloring her tone.

Keith shrugged. “A few years, I guess. Shiro's helped me out of a few bad scrapes.”

“Me too.”

Keith glanced at her, wondering what trouble she could have possibly gotten in that would mean Shiro had to step in and help. Though she tried to hide it beneath a plain cloak, he could tell she was of noble blood and likely under heavy protection. He wouldn't be surprised if she had guards stationed out in the forest to watch for any danger.

“He saved my brother three years ago. Ever since then I try and visit with gifts to thank him for everything that he's done. Of course, it's hard to get him to accept anything so it's always something he'll find useful and not all that difficult to find...” Pidge sighed as she stepped aside to dry off her hands, letting Keith access the pump.

“He is stubborn like that,” Keith agreed. He quickly scrubbed his hands clean and then accepted the towel from Pidge so he could dry off before they went to eat.

Dinner was full of lively conversation and delicious food. Keith had to stop himself from taking second helpings of everything, knowing that the richness of it all would only disagree with his stomach. He had to slow down a few times and focus on listening to what everyone was saying instead.

Pidge was especially chatty, full of witty jokes and a tendency to ramble on when she was particularly interested in a topic. Shiro encouraged her in subtle ways; through a question or a quick statement, leading her through a wide range of subjects that were all equally fascinating to hear, even if Keith didn't understand all of what was being said.

It was by far one of the best meals Keith had ever had. He was almost sorry when it was over and Shiro and Curtis shooed him and Pidge outside while they cleaned up, ignoring all of their protests.

Keith stared at the door, his arms crossed over his chest as he waited for some sign that Shiro would let them back in. Minutes passed without any movement and Pidge grew tired of waiting.

“You know, you get a pretty good view of the stars around here,” she mentioned. “Want to stargaze with me?”

The question was unexpected. Keith was stunned for several long seconds before he found his voice long enough to agree. He followed her down the path into the garden, where there was a stone bench surrounded by tall-growing flowers, all of which were beginning to close up without the sunlight shining down on them.

Pidge sat down first, laying her cloak across the bench to provide slight warmth to the cold stone. “Sometimes I get the feeling that Shiro knows more than he lets on. He's not going to let us back in until he thinks we've made friends,” she said, patting the space next to her.

“He does always seem to know when I'm coming to visit,” Keith admitted as he took a seat. “Why stargazing though?”

“You'd rather stare at the door until he lets us go inside?” she asked with a grin.

“No. No, this is better,” Keith agreed, tilting his head back. It had been so long since he last took the time to look at the stars, but as he sat there he was brought back to a time when his dad was still alive. How many nights had they laid out under the stars, telling stories based on the legendary figures dotting the skies? What kinds of stories did Pidge know?

He didn't have to wonder for long.

Some of her stories he had heard before. Others were new. And then he was able to share the ones he knew from his dad and had the pleasure of watching her face light up in joy at hearing new stories.

When Shiro opened the door to let them in, neither of them noticed.

[spacemilkies]

klaus tries to bring his lover back by manifesting their soul in their body but doesn’t quite get it right ? sorry, hell is my favorite temperature

title: whispering lilies

summary:

they said it would all come back to you with time.

but what if there wasn’t anything to remember.

a/n: a bit of an angst warning in this one. but i mean that’s what you asked for,, right?? it’ll be a rough ride but i hope you like it!

You say you remember him.

Even when you don’t. Because this happens to be the one time where lying is kind of okay.

Lying gets him to smile, even when it’s a little broken. You get the feeling that it was self-stitched together, because it’s always crooked and splitting at the ends. He must have done most of it while he was in pain, but you try not to think too much about it because he’s still seems to be.

And you’re the reason.

The man you’ve come to know as Klaus is supposed to be your lover. At least that’s what everyone tells you. It’s what he shows you when he brushes kisses against your brow and leads you by the waist. He shares the his -your bed confidently as if he belonged there.

He probably did. Just because you were a mismatched puzzle piece didn’t mean that everyone else didn’t have their place.

Sometimes when he’s not looking, you tug at your hair until it nearly tears, and dig your nails into your palms until it’s on the verge of breaking the skin. It all hurts, because its suppose to. They say that emotions trigger things- memories.

But you don’t feel much except pain. Its starts at your heart and vibrates to every part of your body. You try- try so hard with every breath in your body to just remember.

It shouldn’t be this hard. Most children can remember what they ate for breakfast so why can’t you recall the man who so comfortably shares a house with you. But nothing filters across your vision but a static grainy image of what you guess is reality. For all you know you’ve just been staring at an error message.

But you’re broken so its fitting.

You pretend that you don’t believe it when he hushes you. Shaky hands cupping your cheeks while he showers you with kisses. Sometimes it’s just the simple touch of you that brings him comfort. But you ruin it when you speak.

You never understood how easy it was to shatter someone’s whole world with the sound of your voice.

So for the most time you try not to. You just grin and bare it. Later at night, you run your tongue against the indentions your teeth have left behind. Each one is like reading the brittle surface of braille. A tattoo of questions hidden from sight so that they torment you only.

What is your name?

How old are you?

If you’re alive, then where is your life?

These are things anyone should know but you don’t. And you know it’s not right.

But you smile because that’s the one thing that does seem okay. He’s happy because you’re here, so shouldn’t you be pleased to see the same?

He certainly makes you feel safe. Not from bodily harm. He offers a more meditative form of reassurance, as if his presence is wide enough to stop you from falling into the void. The net is stitched with all his little promises.

About how much he loves you. How he can’t live without you. That you’re the most important person in his life.

But to you, they’re just words. Like lyrics of a song on the radio you might have heard before. You can’t keep up with the verses, but the chorus resonances something with in you. Perhaps if you remembered the artist or the name of the song, you might have looked it up and better prepared yourself for the next playing.

When you walk through the house, you notice a lot of things. He’s told you before that they’re yours too so that you can touch them. Sometimes you catch him checking certain items with a close inspection, as if he can tell where you’ve been and trace your day.

On other occasions, you think he places them himself to trigger a reaction.

But as far as you’re concerned everything is his. There are some generic things- like towels, candles, or ambiguous socks. But most of them you come to recognize his mark.

Whether it be the scorched lighter, broken watch or the wedding band.

These are things he keeps at his bedside when he’s home. Early in the morning you find yourself looking at them, hoping they would spill secrets.

You’ve never seen him smoke, but you smell the after taste sometimes when he returns home. You assume he does quite often from the current state of the lighter. If you could go out on your own, you thought about replacing it for him. It doesn’t look like it would hold anymore fuel but he never discards it. Maybe it doesn’t? He’s never used it in front of you, so perhaps its more of sentimental value.

The watch confuses you a little. Not because it lingers despite its lack of use. For some reason the time and date set in stone feels like it could have importance. Maybe you, him or both. You’re not confident in either to make assumptions. It doesn’t seem like a very expensive model but he still treasures the hidden value.

The ring is more than self explanatory and you rarely dive into the implications. You know he’s waiting for you. The matching pair is tucked away in the drawer by your side. It’s a physical indicator because he can’t read your thoughts.

But he doesn’t say anything about it so you don’t either.

There are times that you think you remember. It’s more actions than thoughts. You find yourself making things to eat that warm your mouth in ways that doesn’t only imply the heat. When you watch television, you often flip to the same channels even if you don’t know what’s going on in the series.

They’re all things that make up a person.

Not you.

But someone important to this household. To him.

You want to be that person.

You look like them, based on the portraits scattered through the home.

It gives you hope to know that they were happy. That at some point in his life, that person was someone to covet.

It’s all a daring dream that you don’t feel equipped to make the jump for.

He never berates you or shows any signs of anger. He’s always gentle with you, to be exact.

It’s when you catch him in the late hours curled on the bathroom floors that you see what you really do to him. You’ve been to the hospital enough to know what medication is for. But you don’t recognize those pills and the symptoms don’t give the impression of healing.

You don’t encroach because its not your place. You don’t interrupt because you’re the reason.

Why add fuel to the fire?

He has siblings. A lot of them, but you never see them all at once. Actually, you’re sure there are some you haven’t met.

You know about Ben and Allison from occasional visits. Diego sometimes brings donuts. It’s always the same flavor. You don’t really like it but you chew and swallow.

You don’t remember the others names, but you think if you saw them in public you’d recognize them. It’s nice to know that in some aspects of being lost, someone could find you.

It’s Ben who makes the most repetitive appearances, so naturally it’s him that you hear it from.

It was an accident. But aren’t they all?

You supposed that some people died from intents, but in this case it was just a case of ‘the wrong place at the wrong time’. You read about the reports and news headlines, matched the spoken injuries to the scars on your body.

But these marks were yours. You didn’t know how you got them, but just because someone wrote them down somewhere didn’t mean it was your reasoning. Maybe its because its the autopsy report that has a name on them, your name they tell you but you forget it often. It’s not the way you’re supposed to remember, but you found the sheet of paper anyway.

Because that can’t be right.

If that person is dead. How can it be you?

“Are you hungry?”

Ben’s voice interrupts your thoughts in a way that you know is intentional. He’s lingering in the entryway of the office, but his gaze is elsewhere. You know he’s aware of what youre reading again but he doesn’t make a comment about it because you don’t. It’s your secret.

Finally something of your own.

Carefully, you put the papers back where they belong, fitting them into their individual drawers and folders. Then you’re rising to your feet and exciting the room. You’re not hungry but you agree, because his shoulders hold a little less tension when you do. Or maybe it’s because you’re further away from the study.

It’s in the middle of the longer days that you ask Klaus why he stays. Because he doesn’t have to. He had any easy way out but he didn’t take it. Instead he’d clung to you tightly and branded you as an impossibility.

Of course, its because he loves you. You know it without the words tumbling over his lips. You don’t understand the emotions, but you recognize the actions of it. He lived through the pain just to be beside you.

But you ask the same question again. And again.

And again.

And again.

Before it dawns on you that you’re not expecting his answer to change. You’re hoping that it doesn’t. Because outside of this little world, you know nothing. He’s guided your steps, deciphered your rambles, kept you afloat.

You’re scared to think about what life would be like without him because it doesn’t feel like life at all.

You still don’t know who you are.

When you look into the mirror, you see someone but it’s not you. Because everyday it’s someone different.

You identify them all.

The Button Nose.

Little Scar on the chin.

Baggy Eyes is a frequenter.

The sun plays tricks on you. Changing the colors of hair and highlighting streaks. You name them too. Because each one is important to you.

You can remember those.

Sometimes he catches you looking, smile foamy from his habit of putting too much paste on his brush. It splatters when he talks, it speckles the mirror but he ignores it.

He mentions a lot it the same attributes that you do, but his words are more placement then just scenery.

‘You once let Allison dye your hair, but the process got mixed up and it was green for three days.’

‘There use to be more freckles on your cheeks but I think they faded over time.’

‘Tried to talk you into a nose piercing. Would’ve been so hot but no.’

He means well, but your smile falters because he doesn’t see you. He sees what you had been, or maybe what he thought you could be again.

You wish you could see what he saw. Maybe it will make it easier.

For now you just try to ignore the pimple growing on ‘Button Nose’.

When you meet Five, it’s unofficial. You’ve been getting hints that you aren’t supposed to. At least not yet.

He doesn’t seem dangerous but his name is like glass and everyone is concerned you’ll get cut.

Maybe you do a little, when you answered the door. Klaus was still in the shower and you weren’t inept.

When you peeped through the hole, the disinterested face watching back didn’t scream familiar but danger wasn’t heard either. So you let him in trying to explain Klaus whereabouts-

But he isn’t here for Klaus.

“You’re just hurting him and yourself.”

It’s blunt but edge is just sharp enough to cut into you. Biting against the skin of your soul and the first drop of blood hits the floor.

“You won’t ever be that person again so there is no point in trying.”

Drip.

“But leaving will just make it worse. You’ll just worry everyone that way.”

Drop.

“You were smart before. ‘Can at least remember that much.”

He levels you with a look, one so cold and calculating that it’s hard to believe anything other than himself was part of the equation.

In that moment you felt like he could take you away from here- would take you away if it factored in his favor. The consideration was there, swimming beneath the surface but in the end he only scoffed and pulled away.

Drip. Drip. Drop.

“You’ve been here long enough to know what he likes. So stop making him believe he failed.”

Drip.

“Maybe you’re them, maybe you’re not. But you’re here now, so do something about it.”

Drop.

And then he’s gone.

“Why are you just standing in the hall?”

He’s still damp from the shower but not enough to prove haste. In fact he’s still relaxed and unsuspecting, if not a little concerned.

“You alright? Look like you’ve seen a ghost.” His voice is a bit shaky on the last word, but you’ve gotten use to the tremor.

When you throw your arms around him he stumbles back in surprise but maintains his footing.

It’s disfigured and a little rash but it’s an emotion, your emotion. You don’t call it love, because it’s not quite that.

It wears a similar disguise but it doesn’t fit you right.

Your hands never seem to make it past the hem of the sleeves but he doesn’t catch on.

Your kisses are the right tempo now that you’ve learned his rhythm. It’s easier to arch into his touch when you know where it’s heading.

You remember his name. Chanting it with confidence, while encouraging his body to slide against yours.

It feels like less of an act when you’re enjoying it, and he is too.

There is a shift in the house, in your relationship. Dates back to the unspoken visit from Five. Klaus wants to investigate the change but you don’t give him the opportunity to scavenge.

Now you speak before he does, reach for his hand and guide it to yours.

You tell him you miss him.

You tell him you want him.

But you don’t tell him you-

It feels like less a ruse when you don’t say it, even when the actions paint the picture fit you.

Maybe it’s easier for him too. He knows this body, he remembers what it felt like to be stroked just there or nipped under here.

Perhaps he prefers it when you don’t say it.

The echo of the past sounds better in his head.

[attemptingthoughtfulness]

...this is worthless, I’m rambling and procrastinating. Sorry ‘bout that.

(minor spoilers for Naruto and Detective Conan as well as major spoilers for Magic Kaito and... Avengers Endgame?)

I’m procrastinating, don’t mind me. And during that time of procrastination I have been watching a show I used to watch when I was like 12 or 13, so it’s been a while. And even though that show has some obvious flaws - flaws I will be writing about in a bit - it find myself liking it. So why?

Magic Kaito is a spin-off show of the much bigger Detective Conan anime, which was actually my first anime ever and one of the few memories I have from age 0-4. I actually went onto the wiki and looked up the episode, which was a lot harder than you can imagine: episode 282 which features (for that show anyway) rather graphic imagery of a bloody corpse and like blood in showers and stuff. I don’t know if I just randomly watched the most traumatizing episodes of animes or - which is far more likely - I just remember them darker thant they were but the Naruto episode right afterwards was the one where Gaara tries to murder Lee at the Chunin exams which is also a rather dark episode. (I know, it doesn’t really matter but that was season 3 episode 58 of the original Naruto series). I bet you could find out the exact day and station that I was watching because there’s virtually no way those two episodes would ever follow each other more than once.

I guess that’s not what it’s really about but Detective Conan was probably one of the core animes I watched when I was younger because it was well known and free online. It was also the one that got me into doing QCs for subtitles (funny story, since I had been a QC for a while and seen the really bad mistakes some translators did, I actually applied for the “job” of a translator, that was mere months before I wrote my Cambridge Certificate exam which I, not to brag, passed with C2, and I had been rejected, which probably fed into my fear of rejection but is also  very funny retrospectively.)

I don’t like Detective Conan that much, it’s a fun episodic detective story that has a very, very thin overarching plot and is probably only ever end when the writers don’t have ideas for crimes anymore. And Magic Kaito suffers from its bigger sibling immensely. In case you don’t know, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t, Magic Kaito tells the story of a character that occasionally appears in Detective Conan - a thief who is also a magician (which is quite frankly the best pairing I have ever seen, it’s such a good idea!). Kaito is the son of one of the biggest magicians ever who gets killed in a mysterious accident. One day he finds out that his dad was the thief in the moonlight Kaito Kid and murdered by a mysterious organization - who he now tries to lure out of hiding to protect his father’s legacy and put them in jail.. or something? I mean, there is some revenge fantasy implied, but he’s also like 17 and it’s a children’s anime, so he probably doesn’t want to kill them. Anyway, the way he does it is dressing himself up as Kaito Kid to attract those criminals. And that’s the entire premise of a 24 episodes anime.

Before we get into anything, here some in-universe lore that has been stuck in my mind since 13. My favourite thing about Kid is that his name was also “master thief 1412″, the number being the police file number, but if you write the numbers in a certain way it looks like the word “Kid”, a name given him by Shinichi Kudo’s father (meaning Conan’s father). And both Conan’s and Kaito’s fathers knew each other and were aquantances that respected each other? Like, Conan’s mom went to Kaito’s dad for acting training and stuff which is how his dad figured out that he was Kaito Kid. And when her training ended Conan’s dad gave her a card to give Kaito’s dad with an exclaimationpoint - which was an answer to a card he had previously given him with a question mark. Excuse me if my speech is unclear, I am just nostalgic.

Okay, let’s get started: the series suffers from weak characters and the introduction of too many ideas. That’s it. To get the first thing out of the way: if you make an anime about a spin off character and the main character of the main show keeps showing up that means you don’t trust your spin off to stand on its own feet. I love appearances of in universe characters of other shows, I love the MCU, but imagine if Iron Man kept popping up in Jessica Jones. I mean, he can’t because he’s dead but still. Or Aang keept being part of The Legend of Korra. From 24 episodes, Conan/Shinichi is a major character in 4 of them and is also kinda important in another one. That does not really speak of confidence about your series’ characters which is fair considering it got rebooted. Also, every episode starts with Kaito Kid “opening commentary” the episode before the curtain opens and the actual thing starts - and it also ends with Kid shortly commenting on it and bowing in the end which more often than not features the phrase “I will keep entertaining you if you wish so.”, which is a kinda funny meta commentary of the creator’s being painfully aware of their situation.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, there are really good scenes and funny moments; the one that made me laugh was when Kid hasn’t stolen anything for like three months and since Kaito still goes to high school his friend is kinda disappointed and he thinks: “Who do you think I am? A weekly manga magazine?”, which is already funny but literally a few miliseconds afterwards his friend goes: “Oh, I know why he hasn’t stolen anything for so long! He’s dead!” and he falls off his chair. These jokes wouldn’t be fun on their own but their close proximity to each other makes them work so well. I’m like 70% sure this happened to Gosho Aoyama at some point Over all there is a lot of very good imagery, the magic tricks and heists are fun and often times we have parallel’s, call backs and very well fitting juxtapositions, but over all there’s just a bunch of not-great going on, which I will list now:

1. The Jukebox and the Poker Face: The entire show is also framed by this jukebox Kaito’s dad has left him which has 24 disk and an appendix playing some advice that is tangentially related to the episode. And what more often than not gets repeated is that “he should not forget his poker face”, which, yeah, seems like generally good advice for a magician but... why? It doesn’t serve narrative purpose at all. There is no theme or deeper meaning in the show? The idea of a poker face doesn’t even gets touched on outside of the first episode? Like, otherwise he never breaks his pokerface and there’s like no tension between his real self and the poker face which might as well be a metaphor for Kaito vs. his thief persona. I dunno, am I reading too much into this - why poker face?! Further more, because the jukebox only has 25 audio tracks in total and they play every time Kaito is up to a heist, it kinda feels like he doesn’t do anything in between the episodes? Like, if he listens to that juke box chronologically, which seemed implied, he has only gone to like 25 heists in total which.. is fine for real life statistics but doesn’t really make sense since there is no sense of time in that universe and it just feels like he’s done a lot more?

2. Magic: Yupp, in a universe with a magician reliant on smart tricks and improvisation like a magician on stage there are witches with actual magic. There is actual magic introduced to a world that has previously never had magic before and, believe it or not, magic has no purpose at all. Actually, it does kinda come up in three episodes and they do some really fun stuff the first time with the idea that an illusionist wants to trick and entertain an audience, change their hearts which has different if not more value than actual magic changing the people themselves. Really cool stuff. Would be a shame if the writers wouldn’t know how to go from there and it never comes up again.

3. Super weak as fuck characters outside of Kaito: There are, in total six characters that are not Conan which switch up being the focus of an episode. The witch that practises afor mentioned actual magic is this archetype of a seductress who uses love spells to make boys like her and because her magic doesn’t work on Kaito Kid, she’s like super into him. First, she wants to kill him because she detests his trickery but then she just kinda wants to bang him? And that’s her entire character. Then there is a detective. I didn’t even bother learning his name because he’s the “main challenge” for the first episode he appears and then just kinda stands next to the police officer occasionally to drop observations for exposition or tell Kid something he doesn’t know. I mean, you cannot introduce another high school detective into a universe that whose main character is literally a high school detective. It was as if Jessica Jones kept having Iron Man and another random play boy billionaire with a weird robot suit. There just hast to be a better character than that? Make it a very smart police officer, just anything else. It feels like most of the characters are mostly window dressing and there is just no emotional arc to them whatsoever - they’re treated like most side characters that get shown something by Kaito Kid, have a change of heart and never appear again - with the exception that they are on screen. Constantly. Doing nothing at all.

4.The last two episodes: They’re probably the worst. So, there is this “new magician-thief in town and his name is Kaito Corbeau” and he’s kind of the antithesis of Kaito Kid, dressing in the same suit but in black and probably like a joke on the fact that Kaito Kid is a magician who uses doves which are white and crows are black? I mean, it’s fun but the mirror doesn’t really work that much because the words “Kid” and “Corbeau” don’t mirror each other and Kaito Kid rarely uses doves. But I get the point, A for effort, I guess. Anyway, so. Corbeau who looks suspiciously much like Kaito’s dad and apparently knows something about his death, then challenges Kaito to a duel of thieves also being a magician asks him to solve the mistery of how he will steal some precious gem. By the end of the first episode of the two-parter, Corbeau has stolen the gem and Kaito walks home wondering how he did it. As he comes home the lights of his house are turned on, which is weird since he lives alone because his dad is dead and his mother is always travelling the world. But that unexpected visitor turns out to be his mother and my first reaction was... really? No, they would not be doing such a stupid thing, right? Nah, that’s probably a red herring. No way she’s Corbeau. (Spoiler: she’s Corbeau.) And she asks him “if he really wants to do this? If he doesn’t want to become a magician in Vegas or anything?”, which is a reasonable question from a mother: do you really want to be a thief and hunt some criminals who might as well kill you like your da? But it’s also kind of a stupid one because it is absolutely reasonable that he definitely wants to do that and that there is no grain of doubt in his mind that he does. And that is ultimately the problem of the last two episodes: they’re about testing Kid’s commitment which fails on a bunch of levels. The first one being: there is never a struggle on the side of Kid at all. He never doubts himself, Corbeau isn’t even that big of a challenge, considering he has been regularly challenged by genius high school detectives who seem to be the smartest demographic ever, an actual witch, a serial killer+thief, another differen thief and this shady organization that killed his dad. There is no escalation, no actual struggle against all odds making him question his motivations which - he doesn’t even think for longer than a second about his mother’s questions which is why, when Corbeau tells him around the end that it was all to test his commitment, it could have been substituted for literally anything else.

However, that’s not my real problem with that: Kaito Kid is a necessity, not an identity. There is no need for a commitment towards the figure of Kaito Kid because the moment that criminal organization is caught, there is no need for the mantle of Kaito Kid anymore. This whole idea of commitment of character falls apart because Kid is not a superhero. He’s not taking up a huge and never ending task that is going to take forever - Kaito could very well become a big magician in Vegas afterwards, these things are not mutually exclusive which is why that question kinda backfires and makes his mom look bad because she doubts him for no reason whatsoever? Also, Kaito is literally still in high school and 17, they somehow came up with something less rational than having him dress up as a magician at night and hunting criminals by having him drop out of high school and become a magician in Las fucking Vegas with 17. And I get that it’s the last episode and you wanna end it on a heroic note but that didn’t work at all.

(next morning thoughts: I think I kinda understand the underlying problem of those two episodes now, let me, like the show itself compare it to his bigger brother - Detective Conan. There is no similar episode to test the main character’s strength of mind, but his parents often times wonder and ask him if he really wants to do this considering he nearly died the first time, and that is genuine care and if it wasn’t a better idea to let the police handle it; Conan always answers that he needs to keep doing it. However, these kinds of episodes would actually work with Conan as the main character because for one, his parent’s reasoning is way more sensical and two: he’s inherently human. Yeah, he is super smart and knows a bunch of weird shit that helps him solving crimes, but detectives are humans and they never pretend to be otherwise. I’m not saying magicians aren’t humans, the idea of supernatural things that is beautiful and quite literally casts a spell over us, to be willingly tricked into a world where the impossible is possible is a very human thing. Magicians just aren’t, they’re entertainers and try to exceed our reality, to be exceptional and - to be not human. That’s why the show always has him being cocky and witty, rarely struggling more than a bit with a heist, because he needs to. At this point his poker face has quite literally become his entire character.)

I know, I have been rambling, what I wanted to say is: despite all of this I don’t dislike the show. And in a way it suffers from the same Detective Conan problem of having selfcontained stories but an obligation to connect them to each other, weakening the entire thing. And I don’t know why I like it so much, because I like it more than anything reasonable would justify me to. And this is kinda what I need to find out. I’m very tired now and I have three days to work on my paper and I should go to sleep. If you expected a satisfying conclusion to this whole affair: welcome to Magic Kaito and I’m sorry.

[scige-archive]

LIANA LIBERATO / CIS FEMALE. — saige beaumont is really making a name for themselves as a sheep. i think that she is studying criminal psychology + linguistics in their junior year at lockwood, living in alpha nu. originally from thibodaux, louisiana, saige is known to be blithe & energetic, but can also be evasive & irrational. — james / 20 / est / she/they.

hi !! this is mostly just a repost, but there has been added information to her biography section, as well as her connections to the victims. i’m excited to continue rping with u all !!!

TW DRUG USE, ALCOHOLISM, IMPLIED ABUSE, ADDICTION, HIT & RUN.

a e s t h e t i c s

stick n’ pokes at 2am – when your drunk and giggling too much in between purposeful stabs, avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk because they’re bad luck and they’ll break your mother’s back – even if your mother doesn’t love you, because you love her, the familiar riff in an old song – one that’s got you strumming along silently; there is no guitar, only empty air lit by the christmas lights you haven’t taken down. it’s may. swallowing down shots, and by default, swallowing down problems. laughing quick, easily, constantly. skinned knees from skateboarding, despite being rubbish at it. wishes on eyelashes stuck to your cheekbones, glitter sticking, running into the ocean at sunrise; feeling at home. excuses, and the many forms they come in. telling people you love them through hand squeezes and fresh muffins, sideways glances and soft, eager grins.

general info !!

full name: saige alouette beaumont

nickname(s): n/a so give her some uwu

b.o.d. - july 7th, 21 whole yrs old.

label(s): the hedonist, the icarcian, the reveler, etc. etc.

height: 5′7″ !!

hometown: thibodaux, louisiana

sexuality: firstly when aren’t my babies bi as FUCK but she also prefers masc-presenting folks

pinterest

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biography !!

the fallible daughter of two very infallible people: robert beaumont, US lieutenant general, and manon levesque, world renown fashion designer. both calculating, cold, and purposeful.

saige never believed she was created out of love. it was an action with a purpose, intentions to create the perfect child. the hybrid of both military genius and fashion extraordinaire, molded to their will.

it took them no more than six months after her birth for her parents to up and move, thus beginning the cycle of packing and unpacking, flying and driving, state-to-state and country-to-country. the longest saige had ever stayed in one place was two years.

kept on a short leash, homeschooled, and learning skills she had no interest in – she was more like a pet, a project, than a child. the world moved all around her, but she felt restrictively tethered to her parents.

she had always felt this way. a bird in a cage of thorns.

it was hard to keep and maintain friends – saige would be there one day, and gone the next. a ghost, a very visible ghost. even so, she tried her hardest.

running from bodyguards (nannies, in a sense. her father is a paranoid man) into festival crowds and climbing out of windows in the dark of night to swim in lakes with locals she’d meet only a few hours earlier – she absorbed as much of what she could get; this intense, undying love for a world she had always craved to see.

it was the start of something near dangerous – a phase that seemed to never end, rebellion coursing through her veins. a wild child in the making, unknowing of limits. the bad sort of crowd was the crowd she found herself landing, more often than not – introducing the sheltered girl to a world she hadn’t quite known existed

she ran away, briefly, at age fifteen with a man three years older than her – which nearly ended up in a tabloid magazine if it hadn’t been for her parents’ money. though the guilt of her parents’ disappointed weighed on her, the thrill fueled something much worse

from that point on, she became a problem child. from public intoxication to vandalism – it was clear their daughter was unraveling and nothing could contain her.

boarding school was a small attempt to stop it – she got expelled.

she hadn’t intended to go to university, either – but, by some chance – and after a mysterious year-long disappearance from public eye during her eighteenth year of life, next thing she knew, she was a student at lockwood university.

she was involved in a getaway chase from an armed robbery at a bank which then turned into a hit-and-run in washington when she was on the brink of turning eighteen. it was a situation she had no control over, not knowing her role in the scheme until it was too late to turn back. the victim survived but saige’s family has been paying the medical fees since then. her parents haven’t spoken to her since.

ever since the accident, saige has avoided causing too much trouble - generally staying out of headlines and tabloids, partially in fear of her parents finally cutting ties, and partially in fear of doing something that’ll cost another person their life.

and while too afraid to visit the victim & their family, every month since the conviction of the others involved - she’ll visit one of them in particular. it’s been three years and saige has shown no sign of stopping.

during her last visit, he had sent her on a scavenger hunt resulting in her breaking into his brother’s (& his, technically) home and finding a second iPhone - one she had no idea he had, one with the watershed app installed. their intentions was for saige to be able to access the app - but his shepherd access had been revoked, and the phone had already been wiped clean. regardless, saige took it back to rochester with her.

personality !!

bubbly. so fucking bubbly. she’s got so much fucking energy on her – she goes running every morning and every night and swims like every afternoon and she’s n e v e r tired ?? the personality of a coke bottle shaken up but like if the bottle could laugh.

tries her hardest to be the Happy Fun friend, y’know, the one who can hook you up w/ some sicccc shit b/c she befriended/possibly slept with her drug dealer and now she gets discounts.

like, generally, comes off as very confident of herself and fearless and, like, yes–reckless, but like a fun reckless, y’know ??

talks a l o t, could ramble for days, hand gestures and all.

if she wants to do something, she will do it and there’s not much you can do to stop her tbh. she’s very easy-going, very go-go-go, very…mischievous, y’know? even if she’s trying to do something stupid you kinda just have to let her do it or otherwise she’ll mope for three hours and pout at you and you’ll feel ?? this weird sense of guilt ?? which isn’t the Best thing but she’s not the best person either so dfghjh

a vegetarian !! meat makes her sick, like, physically.

uuuhh her vocabulary consists of a lot of ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ and ‘y’knows’, y’know ??

i am like 99% sure she’s got adhd but she’s never been diagnosed with it b/c her parents suck with that stuff. her parents sort of suck in general.

like…she’s currently not on speaking terms with them. she’s not disowned…like, yet, but they haven’t said more than like five words to each other since saige was eighteen and it k i l l s her but they also send her a shit ton of money every month so.

owns like…four cars…..she has them all on campus…..she prolly isn’t suppose to…but she does…one of them’s a real sleek sports car, one is a jacked up pick-up truck that’s decked out in like LED lights n shit, one is the same exact fucking car from the princess diaries b/c saige is obsessed w/ the movie. the other is like. a mini cooper probably.

a photographer, her walls are covered in photographs and art and taped-down plants and in general her room is very ?? cluttered ?? like it’s very home-y but god. she’s a mess. clothes everywhere. she’s probably got a pile of instruments and other miscellaneous hobbies on a chair in the corner that she hasn’t touched in a while

speaking of !! she has a bunch of random, like, skills ?? like knitting and sewing and cooking and three different forms of ballroom dancing, and she can definitely work a gun and a car engine except she goes thru interests so rapidly and is disinterested in most of the other ones b/c her parents forced like half of them onto her.

she plays bass guitar. she loves her bass guitar. she knows other instruments but the only ones she’ll really fidget with are her bass guitar and like, her violin. everything else she’s like ~okay~ at

got really obsessed with languages at a young age and started learning them ?? her mother is like. super french, like genuinely from france, so she already grew up speaking both english and french but she’s learnt others for the hell of it and she’s still learning like three other at the same time which is a MESS but she’s a mess so like can u blame her sdfghj

but like i said, she’s v e r y reckless. very much a party girl. she uses like…quite a few drugs, both socially and alone and frankly – she’s rarely sober.

a budding alcoholic because she’s convinced that without it she’ll be Miserable and Horrible to everybody because she’s a Horrible, Awful person who is the absolute Worse and if drinking vodka mixed in with 23 crystal lite packets helps with not thinking like that then she’ll do it no questions asked

its a problem she’s been developing since she was younger, only amplified by … the situation, that happened when she was eighteen.

is essentially wearing this mask of confidence and giddiness and flirtatiousness b/c she doesnt want people to think she’s doing Not Okay.

she loves so much. she loves everything, everybody. falls in love like five times a day but nothing really sticks to her either. if ur a shitty person/come off as an asshole then she’ll be more likely to be attracted to her b/c shes Always been like this. finds them super interesting which is ?? questionable ?? sometimes i want to just. knock some sense into her but y’know what…it’s fine we’re Fine

she gets around p frequently but is also the type of person who’ll like, try n maintain a positive, good friendship with whoever she sleeps with b/c the idea of having regrettable encounters is smth that Bothers her and she just pretty much refuses.

it’s honestly a bit of a problem ?? she blurs the lines between friendship and Something, Anything More too often and with too many people b/c she just. wants to be loved. but there is never enough !

she does stick n pokes !! a whole bunch !! let her give you one !! she can’t draw for shit but i mean, who cares, right ??

uuuhh her mom sends her like…prototypes of things she designs n shit that isn’t out yet and saige 100% always gives it away or it sits in her closet and essentially that is her go-to gift for birthdays or christmas or whenever she feels like it

there’s literally sm i could say about her but i’ll stop Here b/c it’s getting too long sksksksk

connections to the victims !!

tatiana samuels / saige & tatiana met when they were freshmen and junior, respectively. they quickly became friends - mostly seen together at parties, where they’d encourage each other to do more, more, more. their friendship was ended after they’d taken a friend’s car on a joyride and wound up crashing it off of a back road. saige freaked out about it & tatiana ... did not. as a result of their very different reactions, and saige’s fear of landing in the news, they cut ties.

george craig iii / saige had met george after bringing tatiana back to her dorm one night where they accidentally crossed paths. one thing led to another and they wound up sleeping together. it hadn’t meant to be a thing at all, but there had been two other incidents of them ‘accidentally crossing paths’ before his disappearance.

hana williams / for the two of them to not be friends would be, frankly - weird, due to their similar friendly personalities. they got along well, but weren’t the closest pair.

christoph wainwright / they had hooked up numerous times before without issue, but christoph’s jealous yet emotionally unavailable personality & saige’s own conflicted feelings had resulted in a huge fight, which led to their falling out - which led to them quickly becoming enemies, instead.

wanted connections !!

give me. a best friend. just somebody who sticks by her side even though she’s a Mess

like, a ride or die ?? is that the same as a best friend ?? idc i want both :)

and just in general, like, people she’s p close to ?? she’s really friendly and is the kind of girl who’d be really popular in high school but doesn’t care abt popularity n talks to literally Everybody like she’s known them all her life.

ESP if ur muse is a lil grumpier !! she will fuck their shit up, but like, in a friendship way.

party pals, where they don’t talk that much outside of parties but inside them ?? super close. glued to the hip. hold-your-hair-back kinda tight.

frenemies ?? fake friends ?? toxic pals ?? ppl using her for her money or like, sex, or something ?? anything ??

bad influences ?? who just encourage all of saige’s shit ??

good influences ?? who are like YOINK stop being an idiot.

a tutor b/c she’s like…she’s smart, okay, but she’s also really stupid LMAO. she’s rly bad at math and science. somebody help her.

hook ups ?? fwbs ?? that one, rare one-night-stand that went weird ??

exes ?? she’s sorta noncommittal so idk how long they would’ve dated but like sjdfkbo yolo ?? ex hook-ups too ??

…somebody who just. hates her. but she doesn’t realize bc she’s a big ol’ idiot. she thinks theyre pals !!

let her b a thorn in someone’s side, just like, an absolute annoyance LMAO

gimme an enemy, or like an ex-best friend where something happened between them n it ruined their friendship

i will take literally anything i dont know

she steals ur character’s mail ?? ur cat keeps escaping and she keeps letting them inside even tho she’s allergic ??

one of those friendships where theyre always bickering like an old married couple ?? but it’s Purely Platonic (or is it ??)

an off-and-on again that just. it’s not good for either of them b/c they keep enabling each other and then getting pissed off and it’s a Mess but ?? it’s so hard to stop.

the drug dealer she keeps sleeping with even though she can just … pay for her shit. b/c it’s funner this way !

just … people where their like … relationship status is Blurred and it’s like, are they a thing? are they not? b/c she’s a mess and gets involved with too many people without intending to !

please. take her. give me connections.

[icharchivist]

(1) In Kanda's backstory, it is shown that he often sees the illusion from his past memory. The lotus he often sees is also part of those past memories/illusions. He also sees the woman (past!Alma) and his past self's death and they are overlapping with the present scene. On top of seeing them, he's also hearing them as well.

(2) Do you think he still sees/hears them even now? If so, then it must be pretty tough for him when the illusions are overlapping with the things he is seeing at present. Do you think that's the reason he often looks confused?

oooh yeah those illusions!

i think the visions were at their worst anytime he was near Alma tbh. Alma was often the one to trigger said illusions (one that comes in mind is when Alma does his round of hellos to the pools, and Past!Alma appears and says “we wanted children didn’t we”) and i could see that at least the Past!Alma visions stopped with Alma’s “death”, but not the lotus’s.

While I do think they were less frequent however I completely believe Kanda still had them for multiple reasons:

1) First the fact Zhu repeats to him a lot that the flowers are illusions and that we have a flashback to that when Kanda is an adult, far before the Alma’s arc. To me it sounds set post-Incident, of trying to have Kanda get used to it. Why? Because the reactions the scientists had to Kanda’s illusions in their past wasn’t “it’s just illusion”, it was “we need to kill him and restart his reincarnation process again”.

The fact that Kanda remembers his past life was something the scientists considered dangerous. It’s implied that it’s not the first time they had to work through that actually, that they consider that once the ressurected gain their memories back, they become unstable and likely to rebel against them and hurt them. If anything, Kanda’s major crisis and well, Alma’s breaking point were proof enough that it was true. (even if.... We will never know if, if they had told them what happened, prepared them, didn’t infantilize them to the point of also telling them they’re not really humans... Yeah I don’t think they handled it the best even if it’s to be expected the horrors of their past would be coming back).

Every Kanda’s illusions were treated by the scientists locking him up, getting him away from Alma who yet was an emotional anchor for him, considered drugs to numb him, and when Kanda was sure he remembered, planning on killing him. 

They realized the horrors they put those kids through toward the end, which is why they let the massacre happen (a bonus specifies that they forbid Fou to interfer, i suspect it was also to dissuade the rest of the Order to carry on their experiements. Irony would have that Bak’s mother died protecting Lenny who ended up being the one in charge of the Third Exorcist Projects...)Zhu, specifically, and the rest of the Chan family seen by Bak, have a lot of regrets with letting all of those happen and have extended those regrets by extra care of Kanda.

So imo, once Kanda was back in the Order under Tiedoll’s protection (so the Order couldn’t touch him anymore), Zhu would have accompagnied Kanda in a path of recovery to try to not be haunted by the visions. Because there’s no wonder those had haunted Kanda (that AND the PTSD of not only having to kill Alma, but to litterally have to tear Alma into pieces over and over to make sure he wouldn’t regenerate. Because yeah. That was a thing. That was the point that made Johnny puke. I mention it bc a translation i’ve read online missed the point. Fun fact the sound effect of that was added in the anime :) )

2) My second major proof of that is the fact that in Kanda’s room, there is a lotus flower in a hourglass- an actual one.

(it’s an omake from volume 9 btw, but i don’t find a good scan online for the whole thing)

it could be interpreted as a way for Kanda to remember the flower after the illusions ceased, but imo i think it more as an anchor type? Of knowing “this one is real, the others are not” if he’s having an episode? This could work a lot for Kanda to at least try to work through his episodes when he has to.

While i’m at it, said flower is right in front of Kanda’s bed and is the only object it Kanda’s room. So it is pretty important for Kanda to have around. while the emotional value or reminder of his goal cannot be disguarded, I think the fact it’s right in front of his bed is relevent especially after nightmares. After waking up from one and all, having this one anchor to reality.

If we reach too, the Room bonus also emphacize that Kanda doesn’t seem like he will be fixing the windows of his room anytime soon, which makes me wonder if Kanda just... ended up breaking windows by accident. We know he doesn’t train in his room - there’s training grounds around the Order for that and his room barely have space for sword practice. So unless some are due to random anger moment that have nothing to do with his trauma, I could see a harsh reaction after a nightmare or a particularly bad hallucination that left Kanda panicked enough to kick around the place.

3) Another major point toward this theory is the fact that Kanda sees the flowers again in front of Alma yet manages to remains locked into his denial that it couldn’t possibly be Alma. While it could be interpretted by... just major denial, a relapse after allt hoe years (and honestly the amount of flowers seems abnormal regardless) I could see it because Kanda had been used to see those illusions from time to time so he might think “this one is a particularly bad episode and it cannot be because of Alma.” (also we do see more illusions later during Alma’s death which make me think again Alma makes the illusion worse).

4) I also think that the fact Kanda’s Mugen abilities all are based on Illusions showcase that those illusions never truly went away. Kanda has a particular bound with his innocence dating back from that time, and I think there is something to say about how he is weaponizing the very illusions that drove him forward in life, thus i wouldn’t be completely disregarding that the illusions are still there and a fuel for Kanda.

5) Also i’m almost certain we see Lotus Flowers during Zhu’s death, way after Alma’s death, when Kanda get Mugen back. I fanything it goes forward to prove Kanda still see those flowers everywhere.

The flowers are our best physical representation of Kanda’s illusions since those are those we have proof about. But I personally would bet he had others illusions and some could have been worse than others.

I’m tending to think he perhaps stopped the That Person illusions once Alma “died”, because they were too tied to what Alma was doing at all time. at best, they faded away, each time further out of reach, so much further than they used to be. Enough to carry Kanda ahead, but still fainted enough because Alma is not around. Past!Kanda’s death seemed mostly present when Kanda didn’t know he was a man who died before, so I could see eventually those calming down after he realized what happened to him. However I think those illusions could still take him, in front of nightmares or particularly nasty akuma.atmosphere that could bring him back there. (kinda dying to see what Kanda’s reaction to be in the Campbell’s wheatfield will be like since it looks like the place he was killed (and probably is the place where he was killed).

The flowers and sounds, yeah I definitly think he still has them. I think he might have had them a l o t. Which could explain some of his habits to be more quiet and stoic, in case an illusion would interrupt and disturb him. It would explain his confusion sometime, some moments where he knows he’s having an episode but can’t make sense of what’s BEHIND that episode. Which would be a mess to have say in the middle of important conversations or in fights. Tbh that could also explain why Kanda’s patience could run thin in some settings and not in others, if some illusions makes him annoyed enough to be done with the previous conversation. I just hope the episodes are never bad enough when he’s doing an important fight.

And it’s not to count again, everything that comes from Alma and not just the past life. But those would be just supposition, but his time with Alma must have left some scars to him. Even if i think it was just a supperposition to show us it reminded him of Alma, the fact we see baby Alma near Johnny when excited from Kanda’s perspective before Kanda smiles softly loks like Alma still haunts Kanda in some sort of ways, and it would be unlikely to think it’s not the case toward the rest of the series. (mainly, Mattell, any mention of the Exorcists Projects (2nd and 3rd), his whole insistance on how “anything that is human can die” to Skinn as if to push himself to remind himself Alma died human, or having to consider killing companions in arms before they become a harm to the whole facility (I believe Kanda’s distaint of Allen by the Paris arc was a part of that tbh. Of “one day he’ll snap and it will be like Alma all over again”.))

I’m willing to bet that Kanda has all sort of nightmares and triggers, that he has a lot of illusions. 

I’m tending to believe that first, around Alma, they get more vivid, more frequent, those are where Kanda sees That Person the most. Memories of his death popping up once in a while. After he killed Alma and left, there is the time Kanda spent with Marie and then Tiedoll that is to take into account and there’s no way Kanda was emotionally stable there, even if i count on the others two to have helped. I think those illusions may have got particularly painful because too interwinded with the PTSD from Alma’s death.Then in the Order he was still adjusting himself when he got into it, and as time went by probably started to develop some coping mechanisms, some anchors, from Zhu’s reminder and the Lotus in his room, in order to deal with the episodes that would be bad.Developping Mugen and its illusions may have been a way to sieze control over those episodes in some way.But mainly, he still has them enough that he can still be in denial in front of Alma when the flowers start to bloom all over him.And he seems to still have them after Alma’s death, so they haven’t stopped. He probably just found more peace with them.

... hope that makes sense? but yeah basically what i think about it dkjhf

[our-happygirl500-fan]

You mentioned Kichi’s parental issues... Could you expand upon that, even if it is just headcanon?

Well there’s the general headcanon of abuse but my idea for Kokichi’s backstory isn’t actually my own but from a fic I read on AO3, I can’t remember the name of it, I think it might have literally been called Dysphoria or something similar and not a lot of people read it and the author took it down like a month after finishing it because it touched upon some really sensitive and frankly uncomfortable stuff and I had only clicked on the story because the notes made an Umineko reference but the story despite its content was actually really well written and always kind of stuck with me. It’s very much like a WoH backstory and considering I always felt a similarity to Kotoko and Kokichi it kind of just stuck in my head.

I’ll put a read more, to sum up, what I remember of the story but tw for mentions or, rape, abuse, suicide attempts, and gender identity and confusion.

So the story was actually really well written and is from Kokichi’s POV from childhood to his time in the killing game to death and there is this reveal where you learn about Koharu along with Kokichi though I’m not sure if it counts as a big reveal because there are a lot of hints in the bits leading up to it but I’m not entirely sure how to do that with a summary.

The story kind of starts out from a woman’s point of view where she married an older man straight out of high school living in a small house, the man is abusive and often drinks but the woman has convinced herself that he loves her and their three-year-old daughter. She’s at the park trying to keep the other park patrons from noticing her daughters bruises worrying that her daughter will make trouble for her husband; she then notices another child with bruises, a boy who other mothers coo at and make comments about how boys always get up to mischief and roughhouse. The mother seems to have a realization and when she goes home she throws out all her daughters dresses and cuts the child's hair.

The story then jumps to a six to seven year old Kokichi’s POV where he’s making up some kind of story about a black eye that he has the other kids in his class ignore him a tell him that no one believes his lies anymore, a teacher who is implied to be new at the school later asks him if everything is alright at home and Kokichi remembers people coming by the house to check on his parents which led to his parents yelling and hitting each other and him so he starts spewing nonsense and annoying the teacher until the teacher doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

Then there are a couple of scenes about Kokichi avoiding home and some thoughts about his parents, he wonders why his mother tries so hard to lie to everyone to pretend they’re a normal family and then wonders if none of the families are normal and everyone is just lying. 

When he finally does get home his mother is at work and his father is drunk, things get slightly violent and then there is what is very much implied to be a rape scene.

Later Kokichi tries to tell his mother what happened and his mother suddenly goes very quiet and calls him a liar, the mother gets more and more hysterical and starts hitting and beating Kokichi until he passes out calling him a liar the entire time.

He later wakes up with him mother repeatedly dunking his head into ice water so that his face doesn’t bruise telling him that they’ll all call her a bad mother if he goes into school like that. Later there is another implied rape scene and afterward, Kokichi decides not to tell his mother.

The story jumps to Kokichi being 8 or 9 in the middle of what is implied to be another rape scene by Kokichi’s father only for his mother to walk in and get into a fight with the father over what she saw, things get violent and the father ends up accidentally killing the mother right in front of Kokichi. The father horrified at what he’s done runs out of the house in a panic leaving Kokichi frozen in shock still on the bed staring at his mother’s corpse.

A neighbor walks into the house when she notices the front door left open and screams at the sight of the dead woman and child naked on the bed.

Police get involved and take Kokichi into custody and he has to explain while still implied to be in shock what happened, the police start calling social services and Kokichi hears two officers angrily talking about Kokichi’s dead disgusted that he raped his daughter and murdered his wife, the first part confuses Kokichi. Hospital scenes are then described with social services uncovering all the abuse and x-raying all the parts of his body. One of the doctors calls him a brave girl and Kokichi corrects him saying he’s a boy and the doctor suddenly goes quiet.

An investigation reveals Kokichi’s mother’s diary where she decided to raise her daughter as a boy because bruises are less noticeable on a boy and even expected than they are on a girl, some social workers try to explain this to Kokichi and even show him his birth certificate that says Koharu Ouma instead of Kokichi Ouma like he expected but it’s shown that he can’t really comprehend what they’re saying and thinks they’re lying.

They catch Kokichi’s father and he’s put on trial, Kokichi’s father insists repeatedly that he did not kill the mother and Kokichi notes the obvious lie because he saw it happen, Kokichi is brought in as a witness and describes what happens only for his father to angrily interrupt him and call him a liar. Kokichi is removed from the courtroom because he’s getting upset but he hears his father still yelling saying Kokichi is lying even as he’s led through the halls of the courthouse. Later Kokichi is told that his father committed suicide in his cell.

Kokichi ends up at what is implied to be Maki’s orphanage where he’s suddenly forced to wear girls clothes, placed in the girl groups and called Koharu. Kokichi tries to explain that he’s a boy and his name is Kokichi but every time he does the adults give him pitying looks and explain that he’s a girl and his name is Koharu. One of the older girls is put in charge of him and she grows very attached and possessive of him, she tells him about her best friend implied to be Maki who used to be so good at taking care of all the kids but left the orphanage suddenly one day. It’s shown that she misses Maki a lot and Kokichi literally thinks that she’s trying to use him to fill the hole that Maki left. Time passes and Kokichi’s hair grows longer and he starts looking like a girl. The girl who takes care of him will often do his hair and dress him up in dresses and tell him what a pretty girl he’s growing up to be and he will internally think that he’s a boy.

By age 11 Kokichi has started to comprehend what his parents did and starts thinking about how his identity as Kokichi is a lie but being Koharu feels more like a lie to him than being Kokichi and he mourns the fact that the truth feels like a lie and the lie feels like the truth. He walks to a bridge in the rain and contemplates jumping and ending it all, the girl who takes care of him suddenly appears and stops him but she ends up losing her footing and falling instead. She ends up drowning and the caretakers at the orphanage think that they were playing around and it was an accident but that she ended up saving Kokichi. Kokichi is horrified that his actions caused a death and feels no better than his father. Later Kokichi steals a pair of scissors and some boys clothes cuts his hair and runs away from the orphanage.

Kokichi lives on the streets for a while and ends up meeting another slightly older boy with hair covering one of his eyes who is working on something to earn food and cash. Kokichi wants in but the other boy looks at him doubtfully and says that a kid wouldn’t really help him Kokichi decides to lie about his age and say that he’s 13 instead of 11 to be taken more seriously. The two boys introduce themselves to each other and Kokichi uses the name Kokichi Ouma for the first time in a long time.

It then goes on about Kokichi picking up more people who are described to be the future members of DICE and Kokichi notes that he’s making his own family, one his mother would never have approved of but a family no less. He then notices that his chest is growing and panics not wanting DICE to ‘know about Koharu’ he starts skipping lunch and binding his chest, he doesn’t miss the meal since he couldn’t taste it anyway. Kokichi then panics again when he gets his first period, he then reads that anorexia can stop girls from receiving periods and he stops eating dinner. He deals with the hunger pains by drinking liquids his favorite being carbonated drinks like panta. He starts wearing white to ‘play the game on hard mode’ to put more pressure on him to stop his periods because if blood appears on white clothes he won’t be able to hide it. DICE member notice Kokichi is eating less but they think he’s reorganizing food to give them more to eat and note that their leader cares more about them than his own health Kokichi lets them think that and feels guilty for lying to the people he cares about and he begins thinking that any admiration they have for him is based on his lies to ‘keep Koharu a secret’.

He feels like a terrible person for lying to the people he’s close to and then starts thinking he must be a terrible person because of all the shit that life has thrown at him and it must have all been because he deserved it and this causes him to start thinking of himself in a more villain like persona.

Then the killing game starts and that goes about the same as most fics describe, he actually likes Tenko calling him a degenerate male. He has complicated feelings about his attraction to guys and whether that means he’s really Koharu or Kokichi but decides to lean into it sort of like a whole ‘I’m so comfortable in my own masculinity I can flirt with guys’ but that means he slightly overdoes it. He feels slightly uncomfortable if not angry at Momota and his idea’s of masculinity. He recognizes Maki as the girl who left the orphanage and a lot of the anger he directs at her stems from his own guilt over the death he feels he caused.

The hanger happens and Kokichi takes off his shirt and Kaito notices his bindings but doesn’t seem to know what they mean, instead asking Kokichi if he’s hurt or something. Kokichi waves off Kaito’s concern but is releaved that he’ll die as Kokichi Ouma instead of Koharu Ouma.

He says his final speech to Kaito on the fact that he’ll do anything to end the killing game and says ‘I had to lie to myself to keep myself sane’ and there’s a flashback of Kokichi’s mother calling him a liar for telling her that his father raped him, ‘I had to lie to myself to stay alive’ and there’s a flashback to him lying to teachers asking if things were alright at home and his parents arguments. 

He then finishes his speech and watches the press lower, he wonders what would happen if the first lie the lie that he was Kokichi Ouma had never been told and wonders what he would have been like if he had been raised as Koharu and if he would have been an honest person that anyone could like and get along with, he then decides it doesn’t matter because even if it was a lie being Kokichi Ouma was who he was and he was a liar afterall and it makes sense that his existence was a lie in and of itself.

I did a really poor job describing the fic because it was seriously well written and it’s deleted now so this is only from memory it was really emotional and I’m crying just remembering it but I really liked it so part of me always feels like this is Kokichi’s backstory. I also like the idea that he’s so thin because he’s deliberatley starving himself and the idea that he lied about his age and is tecnically younger than everyone.