#its hard… its isolating
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#some friends of mine who live out of state where IN state for awhile#and we went out one night w our whole friend group to get dinner/watch a movie#and even though being presentable/sociable exhausts me#i had a lot of fun!!#it was good seeing my friends irl again#……………..*but—* while we were eating dinner one of my friends complained about the idea of people being ‘too tired’ to hang out#and i stayd quiet cause oversleeping/exhaustion was my excuse for rainchecking on the last Hang Out#but one of my friends pointed out like#didnt kingcunny say…#and i just kinda laughed it off#it kinda hurt tbh!!!!!#not even what my friend said#just like the idea that (GOD WILLING) people do Not and Will Not understand what im going through#its hard… its isolating#not fandom but irls follow me l#on main so….
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Terra Kingdomhearts is literally the story about an oldest son born with something Wrong inside him and his whole family expects him to outgrow it, or ignore it, or defeat it, and then he gets bigger and he is still Wrong. Terra Kingdomhearts is the story of being isolated and sheltered from anyone willing to acknowledge the Wrongness inside you and so when he finally, finally meets someone who treats the Wrongness as no big deal, not a Wrongness at all, it's instantly a lifeline to this poor man and he will do anything to learn more about how he is not Wrong forever, actually. It's a story about how if you live your life with no community for the Wrongness that lives inside you that your very first lifeline can be used to strangle you. Do you understand what I'm saying
#like don't get me wrong I love a good Terra Is Stupid joke as much as the next person#but sometimes I think a little too hard about Terra holding his father in his arms#and realizing that the only person in his entire life who told him he doesnt need to be scared of himself was just using him actually#and the people who told him to Hide and Be Ashamed and Be Better were right.#if there are ten terra fans I am one of them. if there is one terra fan its me. if there are no terra fans I am dead.#Terra isn't stupid he was isolated and scared and had lived for two decades trying and failing to Be Good Enough and he wanted peace#kingdom hearts#kh#kh terra#terra#terra kh#terra kingdom hearts#kh bbs#bbs#birth by sleep#kingdom hearts birth by sleep
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painting test with a limited color palette
here's the moon equivalent!
#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#hm... no character tags. guess!#really put off posting this since i had no clue what to write for the image id... but it turned out to be fairly easy. sorry if its bad tho#i've been having a falling out with this series recently#its hard for me to like it these days. like theres still a lingering bit of affection for it#but i cant help but wonder if its time to move on from it. hm#i know im probably talking about it in a weird way but... its always been mentally distressing to leave my interests behind!!#sigh.. i know this blog is fairly ''big'' but idk if i'd be missing out on much by leaving. considering how isolated i am from the communit#and also how much i tend to dislike the majority of the community too. hm#eh who knows... we'll see
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some business to take care of
#i was tempted to caption this as she was a skater boy and she was also another skater boy but#duck scribbles#midoyuzu#enstars#whats up guys im being embarrassing again on main#been wanting a new phone wallpaper and this was born. its the lesbian version though im not showing that#midori takamine#yuzuru fushimi#yuzumido#ensemble stars#also have additional doodles that r kind of corny and im too ashamed to add into the main post so i might add on a reblog or maybe not#midterms were so awful i had to keep reminding myself i can go ham drawing whatever i want once im done. and naturally its this#anyways ive always liked midos city rider fit it suits her so well#always wanted to find a good one to pair w it and the wink killer 2nd half xscout was toooo good i was inspired immediately#finally could use this good ref pic ive had saved since forever i need to draw backgrounds more too it was rather fun somehow#mental state has been yoyoing an insane degree lately like come on i dont need to be reminded i am a useless hunk of meat every other day#with nothing good going for them. college is amazing at reminding me of such god bless#i have bad tendencies to self isolate behind the excuse of concentrating that i am trying to fix . but its hard to get back when i do#not to mention the entire Big Event happening over in good ol amerika serikat!!! my apathy is naturally immense#but whats some peace of mind here and there idk. im gonna read yuri
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Pongorma’s vault shaker thing
#might do more at some point but it’s hard to isolate the backgrounds#maybe dedus tent with cone cultists or possibly even fonthintrelpine if i can work something out with the maze somehow#i will probably attach a clip i think its too big to be a keychain though#hylics
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#i just realized i think part of why ive felt so extra isolated lately is because i dont have any in person autistic friends#or even acquaintances#and im just. im masking all the time#so ive been drowning it out by reading on my phone (including at work between tasks)#but god. im so fucking tired of feeling alienated from my coworkers and not understanding why they all seem to click together and I don't#even the guy who started way after me and has been gone for a month!! even he gets more casual conversation than me#and i just dont understand why. im trying so hard every day and its not working#and before anyone tells me to stop trying and just “be myself” or some shit. unless youre autistic i dont want to hear it#you dont know what its like!!! unless it's with other autistic people being myself Always makes things worse socially#im just. im tired and im lonely and i miss my old friends
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I'm leaking.
#lobotomy corporation#lobcorp#yesod#yesod lobcorp#elijah carmy n gio are there too but barely visible fue to lighting im not tagging them#lobotomy corp spoilers#lobcorp spoilers#meltdown 💥💥🔥 god this one had me struggle so hard to do it. its sloppy w shadding and there are errors. tis fine. im noy fixing#three days total? one for sketch and notes other for line art of bodies last for objects and coloring. hurt. yowch . anyways talking abt it#yesods meltdown form looks so slimey. like saliva. expunged from the form after he had gotten so sick to the point of having bile rise#keeping it short bc my brain is fried (short by my standards). wanted to have him crawling out or being dragged into the middle. strangled#and bound by the material wrapping the body. the uhh key which is barely visible. wanted to have the floor melting from l corps to the old#lab in the outskirts. bullet holes that are also barelt visible (sorry for u james being gun down sounds like ass). expunging/censoring of#information that spurred the meltdown. obvious corpses but also the death of carmen and having to use and build upon the hurt and body of#another for the sake of progress and continuing to get results paired w elijahs which further helped to spur upon the obsession with rules#and his decent paired w the human experimentation (more hurt of another for comfort of another) on giovanni. wanted to have him look not#fully there? yesod that is. plus gabriel. despondent seems far more scary that vivid emotions especially for someone like him#uhh wanted elijah's arm and hand to not be there but the sleeve to be therrle bevauseshe desolved and the sort. didnt end up adding the#blood and other liquids upin her sleeve though. not fixing allat#right obligatory examination table reference. mash up of everything that isnt cohesive but more of a mush of all the bad no good#also a feeling of isolation? dont know if i got that right just checked my notes. the only thing i can say that got it was the soul point#in the middle along with the fact the rest are either covered facing away or further down#... yeah im not going to claim it all was intentional for that part it wasnt done very well#angela carmen piece time. it is significantly more simple...
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my hc is that lloyd cares so so much for dragons and feels a lot of personal connection to them but also. He's somewhat ashamed of/ distant to his own dragon heritage due to having largely negative experiences with his non-human side (mainly the oni stuff in crystallized, but it all feels the same to him). Also the mere fact that he's so nonhuman still feels kinda foreign to him considering he didn't even know about it until SOG, and continues to remain mostly irrelevant to his day-to-day life. His status as a dragon remains unmentioned in cases where it feels like it should be mentioned, because he just doesn't quite think of himself as one of them.
#lloyd garmadon#like he doesn't pipe up about being a dragon that can do spinjitzu bc like#.why would he?#he thinks of himself as a human most of the time#the guy has been so isolated from his own heritage its hard for him to count himself as one of them
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i was hacked by a very unhappy man!
#dimension 20#never stop blowing up#nsbu#d20 nsbu#g13#g13 nsbu#usha rao#MY TASTE IN FICTIONAL CHARACTERS GETS WORSE AND WORSE BY THE DAY!!!!!#sorgy. i cant help it every time a character is even slightly sympathetic i fall for it every time#i acknowledge that he is rude to everyone around him and the reason why he is so isolated from every body#is that he is egotistical and drives people away on purpose#like if u are not useful to him then he doesnt like you#but that in and of itself is so sad. hes just really sad#and a dick. and its funny#“we can have an old ladies night out” “maybe you can have that one by yourself” LMAO#ALSO USHA IS SO FUNNY U HAVE NO IDEA HOW HARD I WAS LAUGHING TODAY#“i made my own alcohol during the prohibition” SHES 100 YEARS OLD AT BEST. AND FROM INDIA#i think these two are my favorite characters this far and i dont know what that says abt me#oh not even mentioning the inherent tragedy of fictional character who knows theyre not real and wants to escape into the real world#tell me g13. why do you want people? huh? HUH?#im also being influenced by his nature of being a loser and also i like computers and computer symbolism#im normal you can trust me#i could go on about how usha and g13 are alike in their refusal to change#but i need to sleep#nsbu spoilers
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They're only silly on the weekends from 10-12
#a lamb ref 4 meee#so a little lore it's considered rude to show ur top teeth like out in the open bc typically when flashing top teeth is a sign of aggressio#but the thing is the lamb doesnt know that#1 bc sheep dont have teeth in the front part of their upper jaw instead it a hard pad soo them having top teeth is very new to them#2 they grew up isolated and only around other sheep so how would they know yknow?#its jarring for new ppl at first bc lamb has a habit of showing their teeth when smiling but after they figure out lambs chill theyre chill#but like no one tells them showing top teeth is rude#anyways#cult of the lamb#cotl fanart#cotl lamb#reference sheet#sort of#cotl#my art#cw cussing#ill draw a ref 4 god!lamb later
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i have a lot of thoughts about orym's character arc, seemingly resolved as it is, but most of them are really just my disappointment that the process felt so thoroughly disconnected from anyone in bh, except a little bit dorian at the very end. especially given that grief and self-sacrifice bordering on passive suicidal ideation are major parts of like. the majority of their characters.
#i guess the change could have been motivated by fcg's death and what happened to laudna but its very hard to say#when there's only really circumstantial evidence of that#and orym is still brushing off anyone except dorian and other liam pcs which. lol. lmao.#simply think it is a waste for a character in an ensemble cast to not develop in push and pull with the other characters but in isolation#self-enforced isolation that in turn draws focus from the ensemble#crposting#cr meta
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i think 1 of the hardest parts about creating is genuinely no one will get as excited about what ur making as u are. on one hand it feels Really Good to be really excited about what u do, and on the other, it feels like ur fucking Goofy when its not returned by the world around u. i care that ur excited. that means something to me. i care that ur excited about your project and you put so much thought & brainpower into it. i care that you have a lot of emotional weight on something that no one else seems to care about. im sorry if it feels isolating but i promise its not meaningless
#idk i just think abt it a lot#its really hard to be a creative for. one million reasons#and it can be isolating and saddening and like#frankly kinda discouraging#if you push and push and push at the same thing#at your craft#for Forever#YOU have to be proud of the steps you make#because no one else will :(#no one else will be proud of every single step you make#idk#text
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#heavier than my usual venting#im living in a lot of fear right now#my entire family is undocumented-- if not in the process of becoming citizens#i'm afraid of my parents leaving the house and never coming back#i'm afraid i'll hear that a brother or a sister have been taken#i don't even know if i'll be able to keep my birthright citizenship#we are not white passing-- most of my family can barely speak english#we live in one of the biggest sanctuary cities in the fucking country and now that's not a source of security anymore#i am in so much fear#it borders on paralyzing and i know that does nothing to help#i'm already quiet when it comes to chatting and while i am trying to push through it#doom scrolling and just allowing myself to spiral into despair isn't going to help anyone#but im working with possibly even less spoons than i already do#i want to keep creating and working on stuff since its the few things that give me joy#but its been hard to get out of this headspace#i don't plan on self-isolating or anything like that but i can already feel myself shifting into a strange sense of apathy#for a lot of things#i don't like that#it's awful#i don't want to drown in this#please be patient with me
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step on me, fatui harbinger!yue 🙏🏼
#yue yaps#hello :3#i decided to do a harbinger introduction for fatui!yue just because landndmdkdnnccj#you know the scene where the harbingers have their names & codenames & rank on the screen when the players first meet them? yeah#i had a hard time trying to find a codename for fatui!yue aka like how scaramouche has ‘balladeer’ and arlecchino as ‘the knave’ LMAO#idek if i’ll post this but ya i hope ur decembers are going well! ^^#only five more days til xmas !! idk when i’ll come on here again but i’ll def be back for scara’s birthday hehe <3#also im so sorry for those who followed me for my works (especially for on going series) :C its such a disappointment on my side too#i just haven’t been creative writing-wise as of lte :/ and plus i just feel so meh whenever i come on here#though ! i have started reposting fics on my ao3 (atsumou) so !!! if i get the motivation to write i might just post on there!#its just been a rough month for me so like a lot of self isolating as my top coping mechanism but fuck it we ball >:) !!!!
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these are all kind of Bad but this was the best of the bunch so i am posting it :p
i've been trying to draw vanessa more... she is so important to me... sun is here too i guess
#my art#probably wont tag this until later i dont want this in the tags#im mainly posting this because i absolutely need to talk abt something its been bothering me for awhile#im gonna censor this stuff (i REALLY dont want this in the tags) so just bear with me#why doesnt the 🌞&���� fandom talk abt v/nessa more. why do we not do that#their entire character is meant to parallel her#there's like a million tiny parallels for them in the games. they were both teased in the hw1 dlc and are both associated with that#🐰 & 🌜's animations (and even their designs) have several similarities to each other#there's a lot of cutscenes and parts of sb where one shows up after the other does.. 🐰 going to the daycare after greggy leaves#🌜 dragging feddy away to parts and service and v/nessa immediately showing up there#the entire 6am ending sequence ???#literally like the only reason v/nessa isnt more popular is bc like 90% of her character is hidden in unused content#and because 🌞&🌜 are the skinny handsome mysterious and tragic tumblr sexymen#and when they become so isolated from their source all of their parallels to her are used to instead repackage her character into a more#appealing design for everyone to fawn over and consume#.. im being dramatic but AuUGGHTHHF IT BOTHERS ME SO MUCH PLEAAAE3 pleaseee please i love her.#its so hard being in the 'i want to kiss this robot' fandom when you dont actually want to kiss the robot#i just think theyre an interesting character 😭 and also my adhd brain obsesses over them endlessly so im just stuck here HFJSJGJD#anyway these tags got way too long dont read these. im going to bed now
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"ultrus is right, i am weak and pathetic" / "callie believes the way she loves is fundamentally repulsive" / "all i ever cared about was being useful someday" . things i think about a normal amount
#these arent the exact quotes ... sols is a lil longer and i dont remember the Exact SR callies is from#also guess who wrote a mini essay in the tags AND THEN TUMBLR DELETED IT#anyway. ultimately . . tldr#sol is scared of being alone and believes that hes weak but also that if he Just works Hard enough he can be good and helpful and belong#and so is the inverse true. when people leave you its because you didnt work hard enough and its your fault#and callie whos been up against rejection her whole life and cldnt understand why except that she loved too hard and it drove people away#and in her moments of most intense loss going cold. overwhelmed by shame. why wld she think it wld go right this time. shldve known better#and maybe somethin abt callie being a poet. who always thought about what the world Could be. not what it is (cyra) or what it will (oliana#but ultimately with this overwhelming feeling that shes fundamentally unloveable and has to stop herself from daydreaming#then calder who. brothers ranger and mother ranger general. a family who is known aroind the ice knife as their protectors.#and the runt of the pack calder kilde. who was small and looked down on and overprotected and didnt dream of being a leader but a soldier.#dreamt of being a shield not a sword. use; and usefulness; in the sense of belonging. i am used because i am so valued and loved#anyway..... i just think duck team all have their . harrowing and peculiar relationship to like. self worth and loneliness#how the way they see themselves (weak/unloveable/small) intersect with how they feel isolated and abandoned and excluded#and how they react to that feeling in their own unique way....#these r just my silly little thoughts :3#noodles in my brain. ehehehe. im . i think abt it a normal amount#ramble tag#(and hey since were here hardwon who thinks he hurts the people he loves and isolates himself from his loved one because of tha-)#*i am escorted off the tags*#naddpod
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