#some friends of mine who live out of state where IN state for awhile

[kingcunny]

x

[bad268]

Can you please write a Pezzy x gn! reader for the truth or hydrate stream, where the reader admits that they’d date Pezzy & find him attractive (and maybe make some suggestive jokes), and how he & the others would react? I love your writing, by the way, keep up the great work!

Confess or Drink (Pezzy X Reader)

Fandom: RPF/Miscellaneous

Requested: Clearly (did I start this the same way as the last one? Yes. Why? Because it’s from the same video, but trust, I did change it lol)

Warnings: Mentioned reader being on Adderall

POV: First Person (I/me)

W.C. 1547

Summary: A little too much alcohol and a little too much confessed.

As always, my requests are OPEN

MASTERLIST // HITLIST

~~(^Pinterest)

“What’s up gamers? How y’all doing today?” Droid started off as people began flooding into the stream. I was grabbing a couple of drinks from the fridge as the guys bantered back and forth before sitting next to Pezzy, closer to the computer to read the chat. “Someone wanna explain bruh? It’s a lot.”

“Bitch, it’s your thing!” Grizzy laughed along with Puffer and Pezzy while rolled my eyes and cracked open a Mike’s. 

“Geez, we’re doing truth or drink,” Droid explained, going into deeper detail. Puffer, jokingly, started snoring, so Droid said, “Aye, quiet down in the back, yeah?”

“Chat says it's a slumber party,” I laughed, pointing out since the message was highlighted. 

“Guys, take your shoes off, stay awhile. Slumber party!” Pezzy joked, enthusiastically. “Are your feet stinky?”

“Please don’t. I do not need chat spamming about feet for the next 2 hours,” I groaned as I leaned back. Droid was already pulling his shoes off and trying to smell them. “Can you not?”

“I can smell them from here actually! Those actually smell,” Puffer complained. Droid tried to smell his feet again, and he made a face before putting his shoes on.

“You realized they stink?” I asked rhetorically, chuckling as I took a drink. “Okay, what are we doing?”

“This is the dealio,” Droid started. “Truth or drink. If someone doesn’t want to answer a question, they have to take a shot.”

“Oh, this was meant to be hot sauce?” Grizzy asked, looking at the box.

“Yeah, it's a Hot Ones game,” I laughed, leaning over Pezzy to point at the box.

“He’s a pussy, dude,” Pezzy stated.

“Y’all keep it at 89 fucking degrees in this house. You think I want hot sauce right now?” Grizzy emphasized.

“That’s all Pezzy, bruh,” Droid muttered.

“Ok, ladies,” I interrupted. “Let’s just do the first card. Puffer can start ‘cause he’s at the end. Simple.”

“And this is why we have you,” Pezzy laughed. “Keep us on track.”

“Oh, yeah have the person who relies on Adderall to keep y'all on track,” You responded sarcastically. “Makes sense to me.”

“Okay, guys. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve done?” Puffer read off the card before turning his attention to the rest of us.  

“I shit my pants in a car ride home with my friends,” Grizzy said immediately. We all started talking over each other until Grizzy interrupted us, “I was like 8, bro!”

“I got one,” Puffer paused as Droid said that he knew it. “I fell in the San Antonio River.”

“OH! What the fuck?!” Droid shouted. All of us started laughing as Puffer told the story of the bike breaking and flinging him into the river. “There’s no ladder, so once you’re in, you’re in.”

“My dad took me to the track,” Droid started, going into a long story about how he shit himself immediately after arriving home. “I think I was just relieved to be home and I made it far enough.”

“Mine was when I was in school and I trusted a fart too much,” Pezzy began. “I had to call my mom and say I shit my pants.”

“Holy shit, guys! Literally!” I laughed as I finished my first drink. “While I did not shit myself after age 6, I ‘fell’ into the fountain in Las Vegas during the national anthem once for $100. Try explaining you’re broke to the police and them not believing you.”

“That’s crazy dude,” Pezzy laughed.

“Crazy? I was crazy once-”

“NO stop!”

~

“Who would you trade lives with?”

“Puffer?” Droid and Grizzy eyed him.

“Nah, I’m good. My answer is I’m good,” Puffer said fast.

“I think I’d be down to swap with Pezzy,” I chuckled, looking over to him. I held up my drink as if to cheers with him. “What do you say?”

“I’m down,” He agreed, clanking his bottle with mine.

~

“Who have you fantasized about in your life that you shouldn’t have? No celebrities allowed,” Pezzy read. 

“Pezzy. Next question,” I said quickly.

“Why? Do you not want to admit who you’ve fantasized about?” Puffer laughed causing the rest to start laughing as well.

“What? I answered already,” I replied confused, ”It’s y’all’s turn.”

“Wait, you’re blushing!” Grizzy pointed out as he started wheezing.

“You’re answer was Pezzy?!” Droid shouted in disbelief. Everyone was still cracking up, and Pezzy was leaning back against the couch, hiding his face behind his hands.

“Yes!” I shouted back. I leaned forward as I pointed back at Pezzy. “Have you SEEN him? He’s hot!”

“Can we not talk about this live and drunk?” Pezzy intervened.

“No! This guy thinks it's so random that I find you hot!”

“It’s because of his nose right?” Droid shouted as he pointed at Pezzy, “I fucking told you! I knew that shit was pleasing someone!”

“Okay, I’d rather not talk about my sex life on live, my guy,” I drew the line. Despite being pretty drunk, I knew that would be a slippery slope.

“Well, it looks like you’re gonna have to. What was your most recent porn search?” Droid asked. Everyone started complaining, saying they were going to take a shot.

“I will take the shot dude,” I laughed, already downing the Crown. “Wait I got a question. Do any of you dabble in the hentai?”

Immediately, the boys responded with “Yes.”

My eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets as I cringed at all of them. “Y’all are fucking gross. Do y’all feel disgusting afterward because damn that's actually nasty.”

“I have gone so far down that rabbit hole, it is not even funny,” Pezzy admitted. 

“You are really feeling those drinks, huh” Grizzy laughed. 

“Yes, I am,” Pezzy responded definitively.

“We did not need to know you that personally, Pezzy,” I laughed, taking a shot.

“Seems like you wanted to know him pretty personally,” Puffer muttered as he took a drink.

“Yes, but not that kind of personally,” I laughed. “I’m gonna head out before I destroy my career more than I already have. If someone wants to follow me,” I jokingly coughed out Pezzy’s name, “I’ll be in my room.”

“I don’t think I want to continue living in this house, knowing what you two will be doing in there,” Grizzy grimaced as he stood up and left the room. 

“Meg’s gonna pick me up. Yall can stay the night if you really need out,” Puffer offered as Droid ended the stream and started cleaning up around the living room. 

That’s when they all noticed that Pezzy was still sitting on the couch. He was not making any move to move either, so naturally, Droid, being the nosey guy he is, asked about it. “Are you really gonna let this opportunity go? They practically asked you to meet in their room.”

“We’re both drunk,” Pezzy groaned. “I’m not gonna take advantage of them like that. We’ll talk in the morning or something.”

“Are you sure you’ll even remember it in the morning?” Puffer asked as Grizzy came back with water bottles for everyone.

“The love of my life just admitted that they found me hot. I will definitely remember this in the morning,” Pezzy sighed before standing and heading to his room for the night.

The next morning, the house was eerily quiet when I walked into the kitchen. There was a note on the table, saying that Grizzy and Droid went to Puffer’s house for the night. I just shrugged to myself and moved around the kitchen. I opened a bottle of Sprite and left it open on the counter while I started making breakfast. Not anything too complex, just simple eggs.

It did not take long for Pezzy to come walking into the kitchen and sit at the island. I turned my head back to see him with his head resting against his forearms on the granite. I chuckled to myself before asking, “How do you want your eggs?”

“Scrambled, please,” He groaned as he turned his head to look at me. That’s when he noticed that his view was blocked by the Sprite bottle. “What’s with the Sprite? Isn’t it a bit early for soda?”

“Flat Sprite is the best cure for a hangover,” I replied as I mixed up and cooked the eggs. “I think I ran out of ibuprofen last time, and we could split it if you want. We’ll need to talk about last night at some point. Grizzy and Droid won’t be back until later.”

“Why don’t we go for lunch?” Pezzy offered as he took a couple of drinks of the Sprite. “We could take the bike.”

“I literally just made eggs,” I groaned holding out the pan for him to see that they were almost finished cooking. 

“Give it to the dog,” He laughed, standing up to wrap his arms around my waist as he leaned his head on my shoulder. “It’ll be my treat.”

“As long as I get to rev your bike at least once, I’m down,” I countered, leaning back into his chest. 

“You can rev it all you want,” He smirked, rubbing his face in my neck.

“Okay, you ruined it,” I laughed as I pushed away from him. “Go get ready while I give this to the dog.”

~~ Part 2 ->

~~~~~

© BAD268 2024. DO NOT REPOST WITHOUT PERMISSION.

[40sandfabulousaf]

大家好! There're different types of yong tau foo available in my country. Over the weekend, I had the Hakka version. This is different from the yong tau foo I normally eat. Items in each bowl are fixed; customers choose the portion size, rice or noodles and whether we want the meal soup, dry or in gravy. Mine arrived with large pieces of bittergourd and brinjal stuffed with fish paste, fu pi and fu juk (tofu skin and dried tofu skin) stuffed with fish paste or fish cake, tau pok (tofu puff), fishball and Chinese spinach. At first glance, it wasn't a lot but man, this was filling and delicious. Will return when I crave yong tau foo variety.

I had a simple lunch instead of breakfast out of compassion for Palestinians in Gaza this week. According to a previous report, some of them were surviving on about 250 calories a day. I'm not brave enough to attempt the same, but I tried it for Monday's WFH lunch. This ready to eat mini meal with rice, tuna, carrots and green beans is palm size and 180kcal. For reference, compare the bowl to the tablespoon next to it. The food was tasty but I was SO hungry after 2 hours, I downed 2 cheese tofus and a packet of soya bean drink to make it to dinner. This is nothing compared to Palestinians' suffering. The report below states that many of them are getting food poisoning from eating expired canned foods.

Kangkong is not often mentioned in this blog, but it's a staple amongst locals. This vegetable is usually stirfried with chilli or sambal. I don't tolerate spice well, so I seldom have it; once in awhile, I'll order some as it's pretty tasty. This week, I tried chilli kangkong from 1 of the food stalls that I frequent, along with cauliflower, egg tofu and scrambled eggs. We've had blistering hot afternoons, so I wasn't in the mood for heavy meals and my appetite for meat shrank. Thankfully, the kangkong was mildly spicy. I really enjoyed my meal! Besides being high in fibre, this vegetable is also a rich source of iron, Vitamin A, potassium and magnesium.

Time flies; the last time I set foot in a fastfood restaurant was 4 July 2023. Soon, it will be 1 year! A hearty bowl of yong tau foo soup like the one below, with Napa cabbage, bittergourd, tomato, brinjal, carrot, bak choy and an egg satisfies me way more than burgers and pizzas; healthier too! It's almost like a salad except with more vegetables and, to me, more delicious. Let's get real: I'll probably step into a fastfood joint down the road but is it possible to enjoy moderately healthy meals in the long term? In other words, is a moderately healthy lifestyle sustainable? To me, the answer is a resounding yes. I definitely prefer eating this way.

There're a number of catch ups to look forward to, starting this weekend - a gathering over a delicious buffet meal, Mummy's birthday at a Japanese restaurant I haven't been to (so I'm very excited) and meeting my babe and old friend, YL. The next week, I have one with LW and another with KY and Mrs T. I'll be sure to share about them. After all, who doesn't like to eat? I know I do. We're blessed to live in this country where delicious and nutritious meals at various price points are easily accessible. I love it here. 下次见!

[keefwho]

October 07 - 2023 Saturday

5:36pm

I feel like whats happening is I'm finally reaching a boiling point. I've felt like I was on a downward trend for awhile. Its slowly gotten worse over the years living here. Finally I feel like I'm actually at the end of the road. Of course thats not true, but its what I'm perceiving. I cannot imagine new possibilities for myself. I can't imagine myself having friends or meaningful relationships. Therefore I stop myself from having them. I guess in some ways I literally am at the bottom and I put myself here. Because something about who I am or what I do is severely broken. And because something about that is oddly comforting. It can feel nice to be on the bottom because I can't get any lower. There is no upkeep. But it's also terribly miserable.

I hate myself for continuing to hurt myself and take advantage of others. Its like I can't stop. I don't know how. I'm so wrapped up in this story of mine that I am a failure and only bad things can happen to me.

I see the consequences of this. I'm pushing people away. Its so STUPID. I reach and reach for reassurance that I'm not going to be abandoned and simultaneously intentionally become destructive enough for people to actually want to abandon me. Then I use that event to justify how I must be a terrible person. The other person is never at fault because it's only fair they'd want to distance from a toxic situation.

And as I'm at this really low state, I feel like it's wrong to pull out of it. Like I've sunken even lower so this is where I should stay for the sake of consistency and having even less expectation to live up to. I'm driving myself into the ground and I don't know how to stop.

7:37pm

It's time to make a schedule or some other kind of plan to address these issues I've been having lately. Before I was just reading that book of mine and loosely creating challenges here and there. I focused a lot on isolated attempts to change things. I think next I will try to form habits based around the 6 components of the ACT based thinking. Im going to read the book from the beginning again and find ways I can incorporate it into daily life. Small things, nothing grand. I'm not trying to dedicate my life to this like a monk or something. I can only see this working out long term if I can digest it in a way that can reasonably constant in my life.

As much as I sabotage myself, I truly want to improve myself and my life. I don't want to placate this constant desire to destroy myself.

8:27pm

I called a hotline lady earlier before I hopped into VRchat. I called just to talk a little bit so that I didn't get too far into my own head because I could feel that coming on. Figured I'd use the resources available to me. I talked to her about feeling alone and afraid that all my friends are distancing from me. She suggested that this could be a good opportunity to enjoy the alone time and give myself some self care. So I'm trying to find comfort in knowing all my negative thoughts aren't real, I'm basically listening to dreams.

[sexyvampkitty]

RP Mini-Solo 14: 'Where Do I Go From Here?'

I stir awake...wrapped tightly in the arms of my current lover...my head lying on his naked chest...wondering how I ever got here in the first place. Totally beyond my control...my mind begins to wander off all on its own. My humanity is still off...but...it's moments like these...in between the realm of dreams and full awareness...when my guard is momentarily down...that my emotions are able to slip through a tiny crack in the wall that I've erected around my heart. This is the second time that I've flipped my switch...and...on this round...it's getting harder to keep my emotions at bay...no matter how hard I try to keep them from flooding back in...like right now...at this very instant...as I think back on all of the events that have transpired recently...starting with me dumping my ex boyfriend...to my ex husband dumping me...to where I am now. After three or so endless months of traveling around the country, trying to locate my bastard of an ex husband so that I could stake him...and leaving bloodless...and most of the time headless...corpses...both human and vampire...scattered across several states...I'd decided to give up and go back home to Mystic Falls. The trail had finally gone cold. I like mindless killing as much as the next murderous vampire...but it started to get old 'real' fast. Plus I was worried about a hunter discovering the trail that I was leaving behind...tracking me down...and staking me for my troubles instead. Screw that. I've died enough times to last a century...thank you very much. It was obvious that my ex husband was nowhere to be found. He could've high-tailed it back to Mystic Falls...or he could've been in another country for all I knew...possibly married to another vampire with a new family of his own...since he probably never had that pesky voodoo curse thingy lifted yet. Hey...whatever. Even now...the human part of me...buried deep...'deep' down...only resurfacing in fleeting glimpses...wishes for him to be happy...and to have the life that he always wanted...while the dominant, vampire part of me wishes that he would burn in Hell for all eternity. If that makes me a total bitch...then fine...I can live with that. Anyway...I decided to pack up and go home. I had 'no' idea what I was going to do...or where I was going to go when I got there...since I didn't exactly have a home to go back 'to' anymore...so...the first thing that I did when I crossed back over the town border...was head directly for the Mystic Grill. I walked right on in...up to the bar...plopped myself down onto one of the stools...and started ordering myself some drinks...compelling the cute bartender guy to keep them coming. Yep...drink now...figure out where to crash after. It sounded like a good plan to me. A short time later, who should I see come up to the bar and sit down on the stool right next to mine...but someone who looked 'exactly' like my ex husband, though...the expression plastered across his face wasn't quite as...soft. I'd recognize that particular Damon twin anywhere. He was the one known as 'Ruthless'...and he'd also tried to kill me on multiple occasions. No surprise there. Anyway...somehow...we got around to striking up a conversation...and I ended up blurting out the whole overly depressing story of what had happened between me and my ex husband to him...of course...I was quite a few shots of Bourbon in at this point. What happened next...completely shocked me...if almost choking on my current drink was any indication. When Damon...aka 'Ruthless'...asked me to be his 'fuck friend with benefits'...I had no clue what to say at first. I had 'no' idea why he did it...I guess he kind of felt...sorry for me...maybe? I just sat there for awhile...a 'long' awkward while...totally silent...eyes wide and mouth hanging open...glass paused in mid-air...then...I figured...why not? He's crazy 'hot'...like the rest of the Damon twins...and a 'friends with benefits' type situation was all that I had ever wanted in the first place. The problem was that my ex husband had wanted the whole package...pets...two kids...complete with a house with a white picket fence I imagine...while I...didn't...even though I tried to constantly convince myself that I did. Anyway...again...after I had finished off my last shot...'Ruthless' and I left the Grill together...he took me back to his house...and we had awesome...mind-numbing sex together...and we've had sex many times since that night. It's unfair to compare that sex to any that I've had before...still...damn. Now...as I lay here...sleepily tracing patterns over Damon's chest with my fingers...I can't help but wonder...where I'm supposed to go from here. I mean, sure, our situation is fine for now...but will it be enough in the future? What if he wants more? What if he eventually asks me to marry him or something? I'm not sure that I can go through that...ever again...not after what happened with...well...just...no. I tried to make it work with my ex husband...I really did...but...in the end...I realized that we were...just never meant to be...and I was struggling too hard to try to hold onto a dream...but I was too 'nice' to leave him...so he left me instead. Damn human emotions. I swear, I'm better off without them. Then there's my ex boyfriend...my former 'Boo'...'Hotness'. 'Way' in the back of my mind...I keep holding onto the hope that we'll get back together someday...but...the more time that goes by...the more that hope begins to fade out...and I know that it will just die altogether at some point. He was my first...and I will always love him...and probably never get over him...but a part of him probably still hates me for breaking his heart. We're probably through...no matter how hard I try to cling onto the threads of that tattered dream as well. I squirm a bit...opening my eyes wider while yawning at the same time. I manage to sit up a little...despite still being locked within Damon's embrace...and shake my head back and forth...trying to clear the troubled thoughts from my mind. I then close my eyes again and take a few deep breaths...in...and out...trying to shove my emotions back behind their stone wall...just a little bit more...there...got it. My eyes snap yet again...my lips suddenly dipping down into a deep frown. Damn. Now I'm wide awake. And I'm freaking 'starving'...and human blood just won't cut it. I need vampire blood. Now. I turn my head...glancing at the small clock on the bedside table. Three o'clock in the morning. Perfect. Maybe there will still be some vampires out prowling around. My veins are itching and burning like crazy...my fangs are fixing to come out...and if I don't get out of here...right now...I'm going to end up feeding on 'Ruthless'. I 'really' don't want to take his blood without permission...not unless I have to. I tried that with my ex boyfriend a few times...and...let's just say that it didn't go over too well when he found out about it later...since I took his blood while he was sleeping...with a syringe...'long' story. Carefully, I manage to untangle myself from his arms...climb out of bed...open the closet door and take out one of his shirts...quickly throwing it on...then make my way out of the room...down the stairs...and out the front door as quietly as possible. I vamp speed down the walkway...then away from the house and into the woods...searching for victims...fully aware of the fact that I'm running around with no panties on...but...the shirt that I'm wearing is long enough on me that it totally covers my...ummm...lady parts...since I'm a 'lot' shorter than Damon...so...I'm good. With no luck in the first few minutes...I decide to veer off a bit...heading even further into the trees...just before sunrise...I return...more pissed off and hungry than ever. I couldn't find a single vampire anywhere. Figures. I guess I'll have to feed on 'Ruthless' after all. I'll ask him when he wakes up. For now...I walk over to the little liquor table slash island...snag myself a whole bottle of Bourbon...and plop down onto the couch with it. I twist off the top...lifting the bottle to my lips and taking a long pull from it...then...bottle still in hand...I lie back...and let my eyes drift closed for a few more hours... (END)

[girlwifteef]

"The Real RomCom" Kirk Hammett x Fem!Reader

Summary: You and your friend dragged you to a lame party that you didn't want to go to and you end up meeting Kirk through that mutual friend. (Yes, this will be a series) (not my GIF)!

TW: Alcohol, hints of drug abuse, and language.

1984-85 Kirk Hammett

"Hmm, no." You said as you walked away from your roommate, who just so happens to be your best friend. She had asked you to come with her to a house party. She claims that her friend had gone away for awhile and she didn't want to go alone. You didn't know this person, why should you care?

"WHAT?" Your friend exclaimed at the audacity, you apparently had, when you said no. "What do you mean 'no'? Don't you have any love for me, Y/N?" Oh, here we go, you thought.

Your best friend was really the only person you felt that you could be blatantly honest with. With anyone else, you felt that you needed to conceal. If someone was being annoying you would just slowly shift away from the conversation. But with her, you could tell her to fuck off and she will for about 2 minutes and come right back with a movie in her hand for you both to watch and forget about the dumb argument. Whatever the case maybe, she's someone you can trust, though, it's obvious that she's the extrovert in your guy's friendship. Which doesn't bother you much, until she wants to take you somewhere you know you wouldn't enjoy at all. I mean, your best friend should know that you don't like party's and here she was trying to convince you to go to one. Your idea of "fun" was a little different to her definition to put it that way.

"Beck, of course I love you, but I'm not about to get out of my joggers and sweater to go to some dumbass party." You stated firmly while going back to watch "The Golden Girls" that was play on the T.V. She was not about to stop your binge watching for someone you didn't know, you thought. You chuckled as a funny scene was about to unfold and the T.V. turns off. Pissed, you slowly turn to scowl at Beck as you see the remote for the T.V. in her hand. "That wasn't very cool of you, dude." You said holding back your anger to see if your friend would explode on you first. Most of the time, you were right with that prediction.

"You know what isn't cool? You not wanting to meet new people!" Beck said raising her voice a little bit. In this case, you were semi right.

"Wh- can you blame me? People are scary and unpredictable!" You said in retaliation seemingly loosing the argument. "Plus, what if I make a fool of myself and end up drunk?" You asked. This was a real concern for you because, unlike Beck, you didn't want to wake up in the nearby ditch and stagger your way home. Where was her other friend having the house party anyway? Even worse, you wouldn't know where you would be, how far you could be from your home, and if you did get really dressed up there was no way of making it home safely in heels. Assuming that the party would end at 4 am. Well, that's what time you'd imagine it would end. You've only been to less than ten house party's, not including birthdays. You would probably be a nervous wreck the entire time as well because of the anxiety you face, you're bouncing your leg as you're talking to-

"Y/N!" Beck yelled getting your attention. "Damn girl, you've gotta get that 'zoning out' thing under control if you're gonna go with me." You looked at her confused.

"Who said I was going?" You asked a little surprised that she didn't listen to your concerns.

"I did, dumb dumb. You can borrow one of my dresses-"

"HELL. NO." You interrupted already knowing what she was trying to do. "You only own dresses that show half your ass, Beck! I'll stick with my sweats, thanks." You said pointing down to your legs as you propped them up on the coffee table.

"How rude! Mine only show a quarter! Just a peak!" Beck yelled as you walked to your room. "There will also be food there!" She stated loudly from the living room.

"Really?" You said peaking your head out confirming that you didn't miss heard her, Beck nodded with a shit eating grin plastered on her face, knowing that she had won the argument this time. Well, I guess I'm going, you thought as you closed the door. I mean, for food, you'll do anything.

"Does that mean you'll come with me?" Beck asked through the wood of the closed door.

You winced, "Yes." Cringing at your answer as you hear your roommate quite literally jump for joy; it made you laugh at her.

"Yay! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Y/N!" She squealed.

"So are you going to tell me what time we should get there or...?" You said trailing off, waiting for her to finish your sentence.

"Oh yeah, it's later on tonight." She said not think twice as she walked to her room. "I'm also gonna model for you so get out here and judge me!" Beck demanded.

You groaned, reluctantly walking out of your room knowing every dress is going to be the same thing but just a different color. "Do a have to?" You asked already knowing the answer.

"Yes! I want to look nice tonight because I was told my ex was gonna be there. I want him to see how he made a terrible mistake of letting me go. So, stop being a baby and get your ass out here!" She said as the imaginary devilish horns started to grow from her head. You, again, reluctantly walk over to your couch and plopped down already wanting this "fashion show" to be over.

Later on that night:

You and Beck had finished getting ready and headed to her car. You wore your signature tight blue jeans, an Iron Maiden t-shirt, boots, and a dark blue denim jacket. Beck, on the the other hand, had made you pick a dress for her from the "fashion show" earlier. She showed off a satin blue one, then pink, and a sparkly black one. You chose the black one and she thanked you for picking the black one because she wanted to match with you. Not to mention the blood red pumps she's been wanting to wear for months now. "Beck, can't I drive us?" You asked her pleadingly to save yourself from her erratic driving style. You loved Beck but god was it terrifying to see how useless the cops seemed to you. Let's just say she deserves a lot of "traffic violations" of any sort.

"Oh come on, you love my driving." She stated flipping her straitened hair as you both walked to her red 1970 something Porsche. You gave a long sigh, praying to whatever god that could hear you; to not let them die because of Beck and her fast and pretty car. "You don't even know where my friend's place is, Y/N." Beck said in a matter of fact way.

You sighed heavily again knowing she was right and accepting defeat for the second time today. "Who is this amazing friend that you have anyway? That is just soooo much more important than my comfort." You asked with an enormous amounts of sarcasm leaving you as Beck turned on the car and cranked the radio. Black Sabbath started to play loudly.

Beck rolled her eyes as she pulled out of your guy's garage and looked over at you briefly, "It's a surprise." She said simply, thinking that was the end of the conversation.

"A surprise?" You scoffed, "I don't know where we're going, we're probably going to die before we even get there because of your driving, and now I don't know if there will be a serial killer there as well." You listed very paranoidly at Beck who was giving you a look that made you feel like a crazy person. Funny, the song Paranoid had started.

"Do you really think I would be friends with a serial killer?" Beck asked offended.

"Well I don't know! You seem to make friends everywhere you go, I just assumed!" You defended.

"Well you assumed wrong! He's in a band!" Beck gasped trying not to give away any more information about her mystery friend. "Look, you'll like him I know it, well I think you'll like a lot of people there." She said giving a reassuring smile although from your point of view it looked like she was plotting something mischievous. You looked away from your best friend and grimaced at the thought of her setting you up with someone. While Beck still had a smile on her face, she pulled onto the lawn of the loud house that was blaring music and filled with people.

"Huh, you think were at the right house?" You said turning to Beck as she turned off the car raising an eyebrow.

Beck started to laugh, "Nope, we better drive around the block to make sure." She responded cackling loudly and you joined her feeling better about going to the party with your best friend by your side.

You opened the passenger door and hopped out still chuckling at Beck's joke as she started to get out and walk towards you. She locked the door and tugged her dress to cover her butt. "I told man, you're gonna be struggling with that dress the whole night." You said shaking your head at her as she stuffed her keys in her purse.

"Whatever, we're already here." Beck huffed pulling you into the house. To be honest, you didn't think it was a house, more like a mansion. Just by walking through the front door you could see all the hallways and doors the foyer had to offer at first glance. It would have been a real sight if there weren't already bottles littering every step and already, heavily, drinking individuals stumbling as you walked by. It wasn't even 10 o' clock and there were people passed out on the couch.

You were holding onto Beck's had as she slithered through the crowd and passed the speakers. Where the hell was she going? "Beck, where the hell are you taking me?" You yelled to her but thanks to the music and drunken screams, neither of you had any hearing left. She had pulled you up the grand staircase and into a second living room by a big window. Seriously? Who needs a second living room? "Are we meeting the rich rich class? You should have told me, I would have worn something more presentable!" You said to Beck finally being able to hear you over the loud but awesome music.

"No, silly! You'll see!" She said still being mysterious.

You huffed, "Seriously, Beck, tell me what I'm doing her-" You froze dead in your tracks at who you were looking at. Well, now staring at the males sitting on the couches trying to hold your breath as you hoped it wasn't a dream. Metallica was not sitting right in front of you, it wasn't true. You couldn't believe it. You turned to Beck as she ran up to her friend, who she was most likely talking about the entire night.

"KIRK! YOU'RE BACK!" She yelled running into his arms for a tight hug as you stood there stupidly. He hugged her back and they laughed, I guess they were really good friends, you thought as Kirk put her back down.

"Holy shit, Beck! We were gone for so long but it was so fucking rad!" Kirk gushed missing his old friend.

"I know you dick! You didn't take me with you!" Beck said scolding him playfully making Kirk laugh. Huh, you thought his smile was even cuter in person then on MTV. Not that you would ever voice that opinion.

Finally stepping back to include you, she pulled you next to her and patted you on the head. "This little lady right here is my best friend, Y/N Y/L/N." Beck said as you swatted her hand away feeling the heat on your cheeks. You didn't consider yourself short or tall, you liked your height but your best friend was making you self-conscious.

"H-Hi, it's really nice to meet you." You said stretching out your hand struggling to make eye contact with the very handsome individual in front of you. You gazed up at him waiting for him to respond and a offered a soft smile.

He looked into your eyes and smiled widely admiring Y/E/C taking your hand, "L-likewise, Y/N." Kirk said breathlessly. He then softly let go of your hand and glanced at Beck then back to you, "You guys wanna see everybody?" It was almost like he was asking you more than Beck, who had answered with "Hell yeah!" then ran over to greet the bandmembers leaving you by yourself with Kirk Hammett.

"I don't want to take up your time." You smiled slightly at the guitarist hoping you were wrong for saying that.

"You're not, sweetheart. I promise" Kirk reassured you as he lead you over to were they were all sitting by holding his hand on you lower back. "Hey guys, this is, Y/N." Kirk stated keeping his hand on your back. You gave a small wave and smiled to James and Cliff as Beck was laughing it up with Lars. He had looked up to see who Kirk was talking about. Lars bounced up to his feet to shake your hand. You weren't very ready for his energy but accepted his hand as Kirk dropped his hand back to his side.

"Welcome in, Y/N! Beck's your friend right?" He asked grasping exactly who you were.

"Yup! That's me." You stated glancing over to Beck giving you a thumbs up for interacting with people other than her.

"She said you have a little social anxiety, right?" Lars asked oblivious to the sudden drop in expression on your face as he stated an insecurity of yours. You knew he was a straight-up guy but damn, you didn't know you'd be called out on at a party you didn't even want to go to anyway. So, instead of voicing your feelings, you simply nodded your head. Lars then quickly put his arm over your shoulder and dragged you away from your friend and Kirk to get drinks, "Well, I know one thing that can solve your problem, Y/N!" He yelled practically running down the stairs and flew threw the crowd on the first floor. "Hard liquor!" Lars yelled over the still blaring music and waving "jazz hands" over the Jameson in an ice bucket.

You had to ask yourself who was driving home and what will happen to you and Beck if something goes wrong. You looked at the Irish Whiskey and then looked at Lars. Your mind clouded with worries and doubts making the reason to drink make more sense. "Fuck it."

END OF PART 1

A/N: Bro. Don't ask me why I love writing about them pre-black album okay? In my opinion they fell off but to each their own. I don't know how long I want to make this one, I was thinking about doing one shots later on with different bands. I really don't know though, lmk what you think of this first after you read and I'll look into my schedule >:). ANNOUNCEMENT!!!111!!!!!1!

I do indeed do my research on characters, so if you'd like me to write about any character that you find "interesting", if you catch my drift, I will happily write for you. Just go into my profile and ask away at the top!

Okay, okay, I done rambling! I hoped you liked the start of the new series, that's all from me today! Thank you and I hope to hear from you soon ;) <3

[stardustprompts]

bo burnham’s  inside   sentence starters 2.0 +  the inside outtakes change tenses/pronouns as needed !!  some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying tw :  mental health ,  depression , suicidal thoughts ,  nsfw ,  language

‘and so today I’m gonna try just getting up, sitting down, going back to work.’

‘might not help but still it couldn’t hurt.’

‘I’m sorry I was gone.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it.’

‘the world is so fucked up.’

‘I self - reflected and I wanna be an agent of change.’

‘maybe I should just shut the fuck up ....  I’m bored.’

‘should I be joking at a time like this?’

‘that’s the deepest talk we’ve ever had.’

‘it’s similar to a constant state of sleep paralysis.’

‘don’t you know that the world is built with blood! and genocide and exploitation...’

‘don’t burden me with the responsibility of educating you. it’s incredibly exhausting.’

‘this isn’t about you. so either get with it, or get out of the fucking way!’

‘I hope you learned your lesson.’

‘I can’t believe it. it’s been a decade since you’ve been gone.’

‘still figuring out how to keep living without you.’

‘it’s got a little better but it’s still hard.’

‘can any single person shut the fuck up about any single thing for an hour? is that possible?’

‘the coffee is free, just like me. I’m an unpaid intern.’

‘I’m being a little pretentious.’

‘it’s pretty unlikable that I ... that I have this need, this desperate need, to be seen as, uh, intelligent.’

‘it’s a defense mechanism. I’m so worried that criticism will be levied against me that I levy it against myself before anyone else can.’

‘look at where you came from. look at you now.’

‘sexting. it isn’t sex, it’s the next best thing.’

‘we’ll talk dirty like we’re ancient egyptians.’

‘jesus fucking christ, I guess I never learn.’

‘I was a kid who was stuck in his room. there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘there isn’t much more to say about it.’

‘when you’re a kid and you’re stuck in your room, you’ll do any old shit to get out of it.’

‘you went out to look for a reason to hide again.’

‘now come out with your hands up, we’ve got you surrounded.’

‘isn’t anybody going to hold me accountable?’

‘I tried to hide behind my childhood and that’s not okay. my actions are my own, I won’t explain them away.’

‘and I’m really fucking sorry.’

‘I turn thirty in less than a minute.’

‘I used to wake up with a smile, and go to bed at night with a dream. but now I’m turning thirty.’

‘oh fuck. how am I thirty?’

‘I used to make fun of the boomers. in retrospect, a bit too much.’

‘and now my stupid friends are having stupid children.’

‘I’ll be honest with you, didn’t love it.’

‘we shouldn’t be dead forever, yet. so let’s not, right?’

‘nevermind, I don’t wanna know.’

‘I thought it’d be over by now. but I got awhile to go.’

‘I’m holding the flashlight like a cop. why am I doing that?’

‘are you feeling what I’m feeling? I haven’t had a shower in the last nine days.’

‘staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away. but it won’t go away.’

‘well, I feel like shit. feeling like a saggy , massive bag of shit.’

‘my current mental health is rapidly approaching, um. an ATL. which is, uh, an all time low. not ... not atlanta.’

‘I feel okay when I’m asleep.’

‘could I interest you in everything all of the time?’

‘you know, it wasn’t always like this.’

‘and if we stick together, who knows what we’ll do.’

‘it was always the plan, to put the world in your hand.’

‘and that has made me completely freak out.’

‘one should only engage with the outside world as one engages with a coal mine. suit up, gather what is needed, and return to the surface.’

‘in honor of the revolution it’s half - off at the gap.’

‘there it is again. that funny feeling.’

‘hey, what can ya say? we were overdue.’

‘but it’ll be over soon, just wait.’

‘I am not ... well.’

‘don’t be scared. don’t be shy. come on in, the water’s fine.’

‘pray for me.’

‘I got better.’

‘I’ve been hiding from the world and I need to reenter.’

‘you say the whole world’s ending, honey, it already did.’

‘you’re not going to slow it, heaven knows you tried.’

‘so this is how it ends.’

‘I’m slowly losing power.’

‘has it only been an hour? no, that can’t be right.’

‘am I going crazy? would I even know?’

‘oh shit. you’re really joking at a time like this?’

‘it’ll stop any day now.’

the inside outtakes 

‘am I dying? is this real? oh, right, it’s this again.’

‘is it gonna end? when?’ 

‘I’ll bother getting better when I bother getting dressed.’

‘I don’t know what’s happening.’

‘what the fuck is going on?’

‘I wanna be my dad in the 80′s.’

‘if I could be anybody dead or alive, I would want to be my dad in 1985.’

 ‘I just wanna feel good.’ 

‘can you teach me how to feel good?’

‘buy some jeans and find out why jeans are jeans.’

‘maybe i’ll feel better when I go to bed. maybe, but probably not.’

‘if your least favorite word is ‘moist’ and you tell people that ... I hate you.’ 

‘my least favorite word, by the way, is ‘injustice’.’ 

‘just google it. you’re an adult, you can figure it out.’ 

‘you know me and I know you.’ 

‘you’re a psycho. and I don’t want to fight so let’s just drop this, it’s not a big deal.’ 

‘for the record, you own me a dumpling. I mean it, I won’t forget. you owe me a dumpling or a dumpling equivalent.’

‘um, no, fuck that.’ 

‘shit like this brings the movement down.’ 

‘everyone’s a feminist until there is a spider around.’ 

‘I’m trying to make microwave popcorn, in the microwave.’

‘that’s kind of a wide range...’

‘I burnt my fingie...’

‘shit, I burned it.’

‘how’d I miss this button? there’s a button and the button says ‘popcorn’ on the microwave.’

‘I often wish I could just start over.’ 

‘I ain’t afraid of no spider.’ 

‘show yourself! you motherfucker! show yourself!’ 

‘it’s very upsetting that the future is in front of now, do y’know what I mean? like that we have to keep living from now, onward.’ 

‘this isn’t a joke, so don’t joke about it.’ 

‘not ideal, but we’ll make it work.’ 

‘just a little update; time is still ... passing.’ 

‘am I going crazy? maybe, maybe not.’

[marvelmaniac2000]

Shang Chi ONE SHOT/SMUT

storyline: You barely know Shang Chi, but you volunteered to help him move his things into his new apartment.

Characters: (Y/N), Shang Chi and Katy

VIEWER DISCRETON IS ADVISED WARNING: PURE SMUT!! unprotected sex and other stuff lol

“Thanks for helping me unpack my stuff (Y/N) I’m always used to doing literally everything on my own so it’s nice to have help every now and again” Shang Chi smiled and wiped his kitchen countertop off with a towel.

“ No problem. A friend of Katy’s is a friend of mine and trust me growing up at an early age isn’t always fun” you stated while setting down the last box next to his soon-to-be bedroom. It was kind of weird thinking that Shang Chi and I never worked together or been on the same shift, but I always saw him around and I know how close he is with your coworker/friend Katy. You and Katy always had many shifts together but I wish you could swap shifts with Katy one day so you could get to know this eye candy Shang Chi.

“ By the way, I ordered some pizza for us, I thought it would be the least amount of gratitude I could give you.” He sheepishly smiled

“That’s really sweet of you, but trust me I could miss a couple meals” you and Shang Chi both laughed in unison.

Shang Chi playfully threw his cleaning towel toward your direction and you smoothly dodged it with a slight playful look on your face.

“Hey don’t beat up the only help you have around here” raising your eyebrows.

“Trust me there are other things I rather do with you than beat you up” He winked and walked backward toward the back hallway of his loft. “I’m going to go take a quick shower, you can join me if you like” He turned around and disappeared into the hallway.

You stood dumbfounded by what this man just said to you, and you only knew him for a day. You haven’t gotten laid in awhile, and he was the cutest guy you have seen in a very long time. You shook your head and came back to your senses. You need to head home for the day and focus on yourself. You took a deep breath and walked down the hall to the bathroom door. You stood in front of the door and faintly heard the shower water running. Before your knuckles could come into contact with the door to knock, Shang Chi opened the door and swiftly pulled you in by your wrist.

“(Y/N) I always wanted to talk to you but I never knew how to approach you, but now that I have you where I want you, I’m not going to let you slip through my fingers” he brushed his thumb across your lower lip and kissed you deeply. You kissed him back hungrily and tangled your fingers into his jet black soft hair. You broke the kiss and caught your breath.

“Shang Chi please fuck me” You whispered into his ear, and looked into his eyes pleading.

He stared into your eyes and hungrily kissed you understanding every word you just told him.

You moan into the kiss and lust begins to overcome the humidity that already accumulated in the bathroom. In a quick daze you both peel off every piece of clothing before entering the shower. You imagined what his toned chest and arms looked like under his shirt but it looked even more amazing seeing his muscular body right in front of you. The hot water dripped over your naked body as you entered the shower. Shang Chi helped you in making sure you wouldn’t fall. His eyes never leaving your body, he gently grabbed your waist and looked at your body with admiration. He smirked to himself and without wasting time began to devour your neck with multiple butterfly kisses. You moan and hold onto his back to balance yourself. His hands began to explore every curve of your body before giving you a quick squeeze. You only felt your wetness between your legs increase more from his touch all over your body.

“Turn around” he gently demanded. You do as you’re told and place your hands against the tiled wall facing you. You feel his hands grab your waist and align his hips with yours. He pressed his chest against your back and whispered in your ear in almost like a sweet and dominant manner “Now I’m going to make you mine” He grabbed your waist and you slowly felt his hard member slip into your wetness with ease. You close your eyes and push your hips against him to adjust to his size. Shang Chi pushed himself further into you and gently planted more kisses on the crest of your neck. Your moans begin to get louder every inch he pushes into you. He began to thrust back and forth while listening to you moan out his name. You started to rock your hips wanting each thrust to fill you up. He begins to gradually increase his pace, feeling you tighten around his member while his hands cupped your breasts and you heard him growl in your ear whispering sweet nothings more. Your knees were weak and he reached his fingers over your clit and rubbed it increasingly at the same time. You cry out his name and grab hold onto his arm that was rubbing your clit. You feel your orgasm on the horizon and close your eyes from the immense pleasure.

“No don’t cum just yet” He huskily said, before turning you back around and picking you up against the wall and fucking you senseless with your legs wrapped around his waist. You moaned with every thrust and every hit that reached your g spot while he studied every expression on your face enjoying the immense pleasure on your face. You couldn’t believe someone who was so sweet could be such an animalistic sexual being, Your nails pierced into his back and your toes began to curl until you reached your climax.

Shang Chi followed right after and gently let you down. He tilted your chin and slowly gave you a passionate kiss. “You were definitely worth the wait” he said in a low tusk voice. He turned off the running water and helped you get out of the shower.

While you both gathered your clothes off the bathroom floor, the doorbell rang.

“Oh it’s probably the pizza guy. I’ll be back” Shang Chi said while putting on his pants.

Shang chi quickly jogged to the door with only his pants on and hurriedly apologized

“Sorry for the-”

“Jesus, how long does it take to answer a door?” Katy said with an attitude, before she could even protest more. Katy sees you walking in the living room buttoning up your blouse.

You instantly freeze shocked that it was Katy and not some pizza delivery guy.

Katy looks at Shang Chi shirtless and then back at you with her mouth wide open and eyebrows raised.

You and Shang Chi looked at each other with a look of embarrassment just as speechless as Katy.

There you have it folks!! Let me know what you guys think. I'm a little rusty on my freaky stuff so give me a little break lmao. I'm just getting started *wink wink*

And if you want more you can also go find me on wattpad page that I am going to expand as well. username: @natalia171

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

[inkandpen22]

Dazed and Confused ( S1: 3/?)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Female!Reader

Warnings: mild language and violence 

Word Count: 3.1k

Part Summary: At Tina’s party, Y/N wants to forget all of her problems. Things take a turn when Billy makes a move on her, angering Steve

Masterlist

Arriving at Tina’s after dropping Dustin at Mike’s, I am in much need of some good old spiked punch. I yank down my gray oversized sweatshirt some more so that it hangs low off my shoulder. As I cross the threshold into the house, the heat of the crowded living room slaps me in the face. Directly to my left, the kitchen AKA the alcohol hub. I slip between bodies and end up at the counter covered with semi-empty bottles and old plastic cups. Most importantly, a bowl of maroon punch sits in the corner. I grab a cup and make my way over. A boy stands in front of it but I reach around him and scoop up some of the mystery substance.

“What’s in this?” I hear a voice holler behind me.

I turn around to answer but freeze when I realize it’s Nancy. She stares at me equally stunned. My face falls, this is awkward. Seriously universe? I couldn’t have at least one drink before bumping into her?

Steve appears behind her looking slick as ever in his black sunglasses and matching blazer.

“Everclear is my guess,” I answer, acting civil.

She nods timidly, “thanks…”

I step out of her way so she can get some of her own. Steve’s head travels up and down slowly with a blank expression. I can’t see his eyes but I assume he’s studying my costume. A gray oversized sweatshirt that hangs off the shoulder, red heels, matching earrings, and some shorts, though they’re unnoticeable. I can feel him starring me down through those stupid Ray-Bans. Silently, I beg for him to not bring up our encounter in the parking lot. All I wish for tonight is to drown out reality and try to forget. He’s a human ticking time bomb. The tension between us could be cut with a knife.

“Are you finally going to tell me what you are?” Nancy jumps in, forcing me to break my staring contest with her boyfriend.

I open my mouth to answer but Steve beats him to it.

“Flashdance,” he answers for me. “It’s one of her favorites.”

He acts distant, unattached, distracted by the party but I see right through it. There’s something he’s not saying. He says things like this as if it’s common knowledge. A random person wouldn’t describe my eyes as Y/E/C but gray depending on the lighting. One minute, he calls my eyes beautiful and the next he’s starring me down like a disapproving parent. The hell Harrington?!

Nancy gushes, apparently she and I are okay all of a sudden, despite early today with the whole Barb thing. Plus, I think she’s already been drinking for awhile so buzzed Nancy is fun Nancy.

“That’s so cute! You look hot!” She pulls me into a hug.

Over her shoulder, I glimpse up at Steve as he lifts his glasses to rest of his head. His brown eyes threaten to expose my upset from earlier. I get that he’s pissed about my neglect for my feelings. He wants to talk about what was wrong but right now we’re at a party and parties aren’t meant for depressing conversations.

“Let’s go dance!” Nancy suggests, already tugging me into the living room.

Steve calls after her but she ignores him. He follows behind us through the crowd with a groan. In the center of the living room, Nancy stops and turns to me with a bright grin. She cheers as she tosses her head back.

“Woohoo!” She laughs.

This is what I wanted, normalcy. We’re surrounded by our friends, drinking, dancing, being stupid! We did this before everything so why can’t we do it now? Perhaps after tonight, everything will fall back into place.

_______________________________________

On my third game of flip-cup, I’m beyond buzzed. In fact, when I walk I float. I’m on cloud nine. Here, this carefree and lively state is exactly where I wanted to be. Naturally, I’m competitive and amazing at drinking games so I finish my third game with yet another win. I cheer as Tommy from algebra hands me a cup of who knows what as my reward.

“Hey there beautiful,” a husky voice greets from behind me.

I spin around and kind of become dizzy from the action but catch myself.

It’s Billy.

“Hey hottie,” I smirk.

He snickers and closes the space between us to whisper in my ear. “How about you and I go somewhere a little more private?”

That’s a nice thought. He is cute. His ass could have its own zip code. Plus, he has no shirt on under that leather jacket, hello washboard like abs. His California tanned skin glistens under a thin layer of sweat. Damn, he’s a human Ken doll.

He’s no Steve though. Wait… what? I don’t think of Steve like that. Why would I think that? Um, yeah, that’s a no! Then again, Steve is always there for me. Sometimes it can be annoying how he’s always there. It means he cares but I don’t want to dump all of my drama on him. Then, he gets upset when I don’t open up. I hate it when I hurt him. I love him so much that when he’s in pain so am I.

“Okay,” I blurt out without truly thinking.

“Cool,” I hear him whisper as he takes my hand and starts pulling me toward the stairs across the room.

Wait, what? What am I doing? This isn’t me. I don’t like Billy. He treats Steve like shit. If anything I should kick his pretty ass. Though if I tried he’d probably murder me.

I glance down at his hand engulfing mine. It’s all rough and twice the size of my own. If we make it upstairs, it’ll be just him and I. I’ll be defenseless. I may be drunk but I’m not oblivious. My intuition is still working and it’s screaming for me to pull my shit together.

“Hey Billy? I don’t think…” I press my heels into the floor, slowing him down just as we reach the bottom of the stairs.

Aggressively, he whips around and purposefully towers over me to act intimidating. “What? Now, you’re saying no? Are you messing me? Playing with me!” He accuses.

I shake my head dramatically, “no! No, that’s not what-”

“Oh, so you still want to do this,” he presses.

Too impatient for an answer, he continues up the stairs. The grip he has on me has shifted up to my wrist. I attempt to tug myself free but fear dislocating it, his strength is too great. I stumble up the stairs behind me and I startle to feel dizzy. I think it’s safe to say I’ve had too much.

“No,” I whine, “I don’t want to! Stop! Please! I don’t want to! No!”

“Hey!” A booming voice echoes from the bottom of the stairs.

Rapid footsteps approach from behind me and a rush of relief consumes me when Steve appears beside me. He places a protective hand on my back.

“What the hell is going here?” He directs at Billy, taking note of his fist wrapped around my wrist.

“Nothing that concerns you, Harrington. Y/N and I were just heading upstairs.” He jolts his hand forward, causing me to traveling with it.

Steve instantly pries Billy’s hand from my body. Then, shoves him in the back, flying him forward to land with his ass on the stairs. “Don’t you ever touch her again! You hear me?!” He sneers. His face turns this deep red as he pants angrily.

The two start bickering but I can’t keep up. I see three Steves and a couple Billys shouting in each other’s faces. I lean against the railing unsteadily and slide down to sit on the steps. My eyes suddenly feel very heavy.

“I’m going to go to bed now,” I announce to no one in particular.

I decide to get some rest and shut my eyes. It’s okay, Steve’s here. He’ll protect me.

I’m not sure how much time has past when I hear Tommy and some of the other basketball boys come to break up the fight.

“Come on Y/N,” I hear Steve whisper to me, “let’s get you home.”

Feeling as light as a feather, I’m picked up like a sleepy child off the ground. For a moment, I fall asleep again. I rest my head on his chest and ponder the rare opportunity to sleep without being afraid of being eaten by a monster.

“Y/N?” I hear someone repeatedly call my name. “Y/N, wake up!”

I ease open my eyes and at first my vision is blurry but then they eventually adjust. Steve glances down at me as he we cross the threshold hold to the front yard.

“You smell like sunshine and all things exquisite,” I mumble to myself, adjusting myself in his arms to curl closer to his warmth.

“Even when hammered you still manage to be a walking thesaurus,” he teases.

Opps, he heard me. Oh well, I wasn’t lying. He smells like vanilla, the ocean, sugar, spice, and everything nice.

Goosebumps course over my skin as a brisk October breeze hits me. I shiver slightly and Steve holds me closer.

“We’re almost to my car. I’ll turn on the heat high. You’re okay,” he promises calmly.

Playing the hero, Steve places me into the passenger seat gently and straps me in. I toss my head to the side and rest my eyes again. He shuts the door for me before jogging to the driver’s side. The car drowns out the sound of chaos coming from the party and creates a sense of security. Steve slides behind the wheel and for some reason I choose now to act reasonable.

“Have you been drinking? If so, you shouldn’t drive,” I state like a health textbook.

He chuckles, popping in the keys. “I’m sober. Promise.”

“That’s nice. Good to know,” I yawn.

The last thing I can remember of the ride home is Steve turning on the car.

______________________________________

I wake up silently as Steve pulls up in front of my house. He’s unaware of my stare as he finishes parking and turning off the car.

“Hazel,” I tell him, announcing my woken state.

He looks to me with scrunched eyebrows, all confused. It’s cute when he does that. He’s cute. Geez, what the heck am I saying? He’s dating my best friend! Steve is Steve and Katherine, we don’t mix, at least that way.

“What?” He questions, turning to face me.

“Your eyes… they’re hazel…” I repeat softly with a yawn. “But, it really depends on the lighting.”

He snickers, and astonished expression blesses his features. The subtle blush forming on his cheeks makes me smile to see him all bashful because of my comment. He has no idea how gorgeous we truly is, inside and out. He glances down at his lap, at his hands fidgeting with a button on his jacket, then back up at me with hooded eyes.

“See, right now!” I point out, “they’re a dark brown like a burnt caramel, basically black. When you’re really focused on a task or upset about something, they go dark. Then, when you’re really happy or excited, they turn to a light hazel… like seaglass. It’s how I can tell if something’s bothering you. You don’t even have to tell me half the time. All I have to do is look into your eyes and I know,” I state a matter-of-factly with a light snicker.

I shift you see him directly and tuck a few strands of my hair away from my face. He watches my every move patiently, eagerly, for me to say something more, anything. I can’t speak for him but my heart won’t stop racing. Is it possible to have stage fright in a conversation? I feel like a mannequin, on display. Nervously, I twirl my hair at the ends and find myself unable to meet his gaze anymore.

“Your pupils are rarely small,” I add quietly. “They’re usually really big and take up most of your eye giving off the illusion they’re black. One thing that never changes is…”  I make a circle with my finger in front of my eye to demonstrate, “is the gold rim around each of them.” I lower my hand into my lap and play with the end of my sweatshirt. “That’s my favorite part… ” I confess timidly.

I wouldn’t be saying these things if I were sober. I wish he would say something, anything. He must think I’m crazy. He finds me with Billy heading up stairs. I can only imagine what he must think of me now. Embarrassed beyond belief and sobering up, I excuse myself.

“Thanks for the ride,” I say as I unbuckle myself. “See you Monday!”

Swiftly, I climb out of the car. As I walk toward my front door, I curse myself for acting so stupid! Geez, what was I thinking? ‘The gold rim around each of them, that’s my favorite part!’ What kind of mushy, guhsy, marshmallow fluff is that? Ew! If he never spoke to me again I would judge that as completely reasonable! He has a girlfriend! He’s taken! Completely off limits! Why did I spew out this creepy nonsense to him like a total idiot? I’m not some lovesick teenage girl! I’m going to go to my room, put in some Guns N’ Roses, and just scream into my pillow all weekend! It sounds like an excellent plan to me because I just ruined my friendship with Steve forever! Add Nancy to that list because once he fills her in on what I said I’ll lose both of them!

“Y/N!” He calls after me.

I ignore it as I march faster toward the door. He’s only going to call me crazy because I was acting crazy!

“Y/N, wait!” He repeats as I hear him shut the car door and run toward me.

“Goodnight, Steve!” I urge him away without turning around.

His footsteps speed up until they come to a halt directly behind me. I reach for the door handle, my freedom. Desperately, he grips my forearm and steps in front of me, blocking the front door.

“Look, could you just slow down for a sec?” He yells at me as he pants to catch his breath.

“No! I can’t slow down! I just want to go inside, get in my pajamas, and forget tonight ever happened! Alright? Now, excuse me,” I gesture for him to get out of the way.

Reluctantly, paired with an overly dramatic eye roll, he steps aside. Despite wanting his to leave, I thank him quietly for cracking open the front door slowly, making sure not to wake anyone.

“Nance and I broke up…” Steve drops on me.

My heart leaps and I stop dead in my tracks. Unsure of what to do or say, I remain still in the doorway and wait for him to say more.

“She never loved me,” he explains with a heartbroken tone. “At least… I don’t think she did…”

Shit. Please don’t tell me that, Harrington. It only makes me want you more. He’s always so close but too far out of reach. I care about him more than anything but he’ll never mine. I’m just the friend.

I spin on my heels and offer him a sympathetic smile, “would you like to come in?”

He nods, clearly miserable. I step aside, allowing him in. After shutting the door behind us, I warn him to be quiet so we don’t wake my parents. He nods slowly and slips his hand into mine. Never breaking eye contact with me, he leads the way through the moonlit house toward my room. His platonic touch is so blissful, I can only imagine what it feels like otherwise.

_________________________________

Steve and I sit on my bed in our usual positions with my record player going quietly. He lounges like a patient in therapy and me, acting as his therapist, criss-cross beside him. He explains everything. He describes how drunk Nancy got and how he followed her to the bathroom. It was there they got into a fight. She admitted feeling guilty for the loss of Barb. Then, she called all of it bullshit. Us acting like carefree teenagers, never telling Barb’s parents the truth, her love for Steve, all of it is bullshit. He asked Jonathan to take her home and that’s when he stumbled upon me and Billy.

Watching Steve relive it all and hearing the pain in his voice breaks my heart. How could Nance do this to him? I get that she’s going through something, we all are. I’m by no means normal. I’m hiding everything for Pete’s sake! I haven’t been myself for over a year. Steve was just now becoming truly happy again! He was putting on a brave face for Nancy for so long! Now, she crushed it. She crushed him.

I reach and place my hand over his as they rest intertwined on his stomach. “I’m sorry. Truly, I am.”

“I really loved her. At least, I think I did. I don’t know anymore. I thought she loved me too.”

“I did too,” I tell him honestly.

He glances away from the ceiling down to me, “what can I do?”

I wish I knew the answer. I wish there was a way I could take away his pain. Yet, I have nothing. I shrug, “I’m not entirely sure. I think you should at least talk to her.

Tomorrow, of course, when she’s sobered up. Perhaps, she was just drunk and didn’t mean what she said. She wasn’t in the proper mindset.”

“So I shouldn’t take what she said to heart?”

“Well, there’s also the argument that drunk words are sober thoughts.”

“Does the same go for you?” He snickers.

I laugh, “sometimes.”

“So you don’t like the gold in my eyes? I thought it was your favorite part?” He smirks, turning to lay on his side and face me. My hand would’ve fallen off his hadn’t he flipped his over to catch it.

Ugh, he’s such a sneaky jerk! His cheeky smirk only grows with my silence. Warmth rushes to my cheeks as I bashfully hide my face.

“Yeah… about that…” I laugh nervously, “let’s just pretend I didn’t say anything.”

“Should I forget that you also said I smell like sunshine and everything exquisite?” He adds to the torment.

I groan, tossing my head back. This must count as torture. “Preferably, yes,” I request shortly.

We share a laugh at my annoyed reaction. He’s impossible! Even he should be mopping he still manages to tease me!

A comfortable silence fills the air and I stare down at the pillow in my lap as I play with the lettering on it.

________________________________

Masterlist

[sugrbugz]

their reaction to you coming out as trans!! : BOKUTO, KENMA, AKAASHI, OIKAWA, TSUKKI, & ASAHI ♥︎

CW: this covers topics such as gender dysphoria, transphobia, and ignorant parents. please be safe my loves!!

transphobes get the fuck outta here right now

also i’m ftm myself so i’m writing from my own experience! if you want a non binary one or even mtf let me know! ♥︎

BOKUTO

would be so very excited to go clothing shopping with you but also giving you all of his hoodies in the mean time-

would love to show you off as his official boyfriend, would fight transphobic people for you

“hey bo, can we talk?” you asked softly, only causing him to open his arms wide from where he was sitting on your bed. you crawled into his lap like you always did, your hands shaking a bit when your wrapped your arms around his neck. “what’s up little owl!” he smiled wide, flashing you that beautiful smile of his. “it’s sorta serious love..” you mumbled making his smile fall only a bit, it falling completely when you started crying. “lovebug? what’s wrong..you can talk to me baby” he soothed making you nod. “i know we’ve talked about your preferences before and i don’t know where i fall but-“ you hiccuped, trying to figure out how to say it. “i’m transgender..i want to be a boy” you sobbed out, ultimately terrified he’d leave even though you knew he wouldn’t. “no..” he started making you cry only harder, not even three seconds later were calloused fingers there to wipe them, “you are a boy..not want, right baby?” he smiled softly, kissing your nose.

KENMA

his emotions would hurt him first only because he wouldn’t fully understand why you’re so upset

best hair stylist in the game!! he’d do your hair so you don’t have to deal with judgemental old ladies and weird barbers.

would 100000000/10 drop anything hes doing to snuggle you since he knows how much of a bitch dysphoria can be

it actually happened by accident. currently you were in the bathroom, shaky hands on a pair of scissors you’d found in the kitchen. it was one of those moments. you weren’t officially out to anybody, not even your boyfriend just simply out of fear of being disliked. however when kenma came to use the bathroom after doing a five hour livestream her heart almost shattered right then and there. you were too into your head to even notice his presence, snapping back to reality when he took the scissors from you. that’s when the tears started. he was quickly to pull you close, kissing your head. “i think i understand..but if i don’t, please explain..” he whispered softly into your ear. “i-i..” you stuttered, you didn’t even know how to say it. “i’ve been dealing with my gender for awhile and came to the conclusion that im a boy..” you sniff, snuggling into his chest since the comfort felt good. “okay baby, you’re still mine okay?” he spoke so soft it was reassuring. “but come to me instead of butchering your hair, you know damn well i could cut it better. dork.” he winked sitting you down to actually cut your hair properly.

AKAASHI

wasn’t totally surprised even though he is oblivious to most things

he would be so sweet about it??????? he wouldn’t even question you???? just accepting right away

after you were ready to come out? god he would be so overbearing with how supportive he was. “hey have you seen my BOYFRIEND?” or “are you doing okay, pretty boy?” he would do it all the time

he already knew. you’d asked him to pack your laptop in your book bag since you guys were going to study at the library. he usually didn’t snoop and honestly minded his business, but when he saw what he thought was a dildo his curiosity was peaked. you had millions of tabs open, all pertaining to the concept of gender identity. his heart softened sadly, upset by the fact you did this all alone. you came up to check what was taking him so long, face dropping when you saw what was open, “i-i promise i can explain-!” you rush forward but he quickly wraps two arms around you, kissing you softly. “shush. you don’t need to explain.” he smiled, “your preferred name and pronouns my darling?” he hummed in addition, grinning from the blush on your cheeks. “uhm..y/n..and he/him..please..” you whisper making him nod, “i’ve got the cutest boyfriend every yanno that?”

OIKAWA

would make fun of you for a bit until he realized this was actually serious

he would also apologize profusely for doing so.

would go out and buy you 67963334 slacks just to see you in them i know it

“tooru i’m serious!” you’d whimper, genuine tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. that’s when he knew he took it too far. “hey..i was just joking around…does me calling you girlie actually make you uncomfortable? why?” he was confused but then again you couldn’t blame them. you’d told iwa you were trans, hoping to get someway to tell oikawa but there wasn’t much acknowledgment of him at all. “yes..it does” you nodded wiping your eyes. “is it because you’re trans?” all the air in your lungs was knocked out of you at this. “how did you..” you’d ask softly, “i dunno! i’m just really good at this!” he giggled before kissing your head and getting off the couch you two were on. “one minute!” he ran upstairs and about five minutes later came back with all his old clothes he outgrew. “here! ‘ma saved them for donating to relatives but your more important” he hummed making you blush, “tooru you don’t-“ “and what’s your pants size?” “uh-i-“ “it’s okay doesn’t matter we’ll get all of them.” “ALL OF WHAT.” and that’s honestly how the rest of your night went.

TSUKKI

he wasn’t totally surprised but then again he knew how your parents were and would understand your hesitation for coming out

it didn’t really phase him at all. have you seen his gender nonconforming best friend? tsukki wouldn’t care unless you were authentically yourself.

would always give you reassurance, no matter how much you needed.

you’d come to your boyfriends house for the third night this week, his mom more than happy to let you stay. “he’s upstairs!” she’d smile from where she was making dinner. you already knew where to find his room, so coming inside and throwing your bags down casually wasn’t an issue at all. “y/n how many times do i have to tell your messy ass that you don’t put bags in the middle of the-“ he spun in his desk chair to look at you, his face falling the second he saw your face go red and tears streaming down your face. tsukki fucking SUCKED with emotions but he wouldn’t be pathetic and not try. “cmere moonie, what’s wrong” he frowned getting up and sitting on the bed, pulling you down with him. “i told them” you stated simply, his own anxiety kicked in. “and?” he asked, already knowing the answer. “they kicked me out.” you nodded towards the fourish bags you had dropped. “well..fuck them. here you’ll be loved and respected. they don’t deserve you. no one does. now, ill ask mom if we can move in the old dresser from akiterus room..you make yourself comfy. change, take of makeup, whatever it is. here? you’re allowed to be who you are.” and with that he was gone. tsukki may look like an asshole but he tries his best not to be for you.

ASAHI

wouldn’t initially get it, but it would take some explaining and he’d be absolutely on board

would probably smoother you in love and affection for being brave enough to tell him how you’ve been feeling

similar to akaashi he’d be quick to correct those who use incorrect pronouns (unless you tell him not too) while expressing love for his boyfriend

dating asahi had plenty of benefits, most importantly his ability to scare those off who were rude to you. you had come out to him a week ago, he needed some help understanding the process but soon he was very on board and understanding. now you two were eating lunch with noya and tanaka, watching a group of girls who ever now and then looked back at you to laugh and point. you’d just gotten your gender affirming hair cut the night before. you began to feel very self conscious about everything, just slowly tucking yourself into asahi who immediately realized something was wrong. “what’s up babe?” he asked watching you nod towards the group. with that he gently passed you over to noya who was very excited for the hugs he was allowed to give his close friend. needless to say asahi scared the living hell out of those girls. when all was said and done, he took you to the boys bathroom and locked the door. he simply hugged you, rubbing your back while you almost immediately cried. “it’s okay bunny..i’m sorry people can’t mind their own business-not that it’s my fault-i dunno why i apologized-sorry-i-“ he took a deep breath but his nervous rambling had made you giggle. “thank you, you giant teddy bear” you smiled leaning up to give him a nice soft kiss.

[katsukikiss]

I FUCKIN HATE YOU

CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP // MINORS DNI // EREN X F!READER

Warnings: NSFW 18+, fingering, unprotected sex, alcohol use, noncon touching(ish), hate fucking?, creampie m, idk what else

AN: This is a collab for @bordemm bunny’s rager! It had to fit the theme/vibe of a song and mine was ‘IFHY’ by Tyler the Creator! Give it a listen when you’re about halfway through!

Big thanks to @morelikebaku-no for beta reading this for me!

WC: 5.2K

Masterlist

How did you two get to this point? Why did you hate each other? He would always shove you into walls when you got too close to him and you’d slap him across the arm in retaliation. He would mock how eager you were to please and achieve on missions, and you’d scoff at his selfishness. You threw insults and jabs back and forth whenever you two were near, which wasn’t too often anymore. Although, you weren’t the one who started this all. He used to be so nice, asking you if you needed help, giving you his food, riding your horses side by side. You were both so fond of one another, a bond you had shared since childhood. You thought you might’ve even loved him, but something snapped in Eren one day. You couldn’t understand why he changed so much after that day.

Eren remembered the day perfectly. You both got ready that morning before you set off for what would be a horrible evening. Your squad had a relatively easy mission to complete, but something felt off to you. Eren rested a hand on your shoulder, reassuring you that everything would be okay, and that he’d protect you. He always stuck close to you on these missions, fearing that he’d lose you like he lost everyone else.

You set off on horseback together. You were a skilled cadet, well seasoned in using your ODM gear. Eren hated when you’d get cocky and push yourself too far, but thats why he stuck so close, but not this time. Levi sent you and Jean forward in a group of two, despite Erens pleas to be paired up with you. You shot him a reassuring smile before you and Jean pushed forward and to the right. Eren had to stay in the center with Levi and Armin, his eyes trailing off to watch you descend further away from him.

You and Jean easily took out five abnormals, you killing three and him taking out the other two. You were in a state of euphoria, zipping through the trees. Jean admired your strength and confidence, but they all still saw you as someone that needed protecting, and it royally pissed you off. You slung off to the left, Jean quickly losing sight of you.

“Y/N! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU GOING?!” he howled out to you. He swiftly maneuvered around to try and follow you. Then he heard you scream.

Your blood curdling screams echoed through the forest. ‘T-Thats y/n’ Eren thought to himself.

“EREN WAIT!” Armin loudly pleaded, but Eren was gone, slashing his way through the trees to where your voice came from. Rage was radiating through his body, how could Jean have lost you, let you get hurt. He swore he was going to beat him half to death for letting something happen to you. He moved at an inhuman speed, frantically looking around for where you might be. Then he saw a 15 meter titan, with a tight grasp on you and your neck. Blood was dripping from your nose and lips, you lacked the ability to scream anymore.

Without thinking, Eren transformed. It was dangerous for him to go into his titan form, with you so close and vulnerable, but his body acted on its own will. He lunged at the titan, his mouth clamping hard onto the arm in which you were trapped in. The arm came tumbling to the ground, with you hurdling down with it. Eren was too blinded by rage that he failed to realize you were about to splatter on the ground. He continued to thrash at the titan that once held you. You looked down and your eyes filled with fear. Why wasn't he going to catch you? Suddenly you heard quick sipping noises and you were caught by Jean. He glanced down at you nervously, his breath heaving. He perched up onto a large branch and sat you down against the trunk of the tree.

“Oh my god y/n are you okay?!” he asked in a panicky breath, cupping your face in his calloused hands. You shook as you looked over his shoulder to see Eren still on a rampage, but now he was running towards you two. You lifted a quivering finger to point to him, your throat bruised and unable to form words, and Jean quickly turned his head. A large hand was coming down at you two. Jean scooped you up and slung the two of you away as the branch snapped. Eren let out a shrieking scream that sent shivers down both of your spines. Jean never let up his tight grasp on you as he navigated his way through the forest, trying to get as far away as possible. Eren hadn’t lost control in so long, and now he was trying to kill you.

You got back to the rest of the squad, and Jean explained what had happened. Armin, Mikasa and Levi all went back into the forest to find Eren. He was in a clearing, sticking out of the nape of his now disintegrating titan form, sobbing uncontrollably. They approached him with caution. He hysterically screamed at them, “I'M A MONSTER, I ALMOST KILLED HER!”

You had spent three months in the infirmary, healing from the broken arm and bruised windpipe you had suffered. Everyone came to visit you regularly, except Eren. He never came by to see you, and shuddered when Armin finally recommended that he should.

“I dont want to fucking see her” he muttered under his breath. Armin stopped speaking, not wanting to push his friend over the edge again. You were finally strong enough to go back to your own room, eat in the dining halls, and train. Much to your dismay, Levi wasn’t going to put you back on missions for awhile.

Your first day back in the dining hall, everyone beamed a smile at you.

“Hey y/n! Why dont you come sit over here?” Jean shouted to you. You smiled and looked away, opting for your usual table instead. You made your way to Armin, Mikasa and Eren with your tray. You plopped your tray down and scooted your way over to Eren. His head was low until you sat down. He looked up at you with anger in his eyes.

He was never angry at you, but at himself. He feared being anywhere near you. You almost died at his hands and he could never forgive himself for that. You were so sweet, never once holding a grudge for what happened that day. He hated how forgiving you were, it made it all so much harder. He made a promise to himself that he needed to stay away from you, make you hate him if it meant you’d be safe.

“Long time no see Eren!” you exclaimed. Mikasa and Armin both looked at Eren anxiously. He slammed his fist on the table, standing up and walking away.

“What's his problem?” you asked the other two who were looking at you with doe eyed expressions.

“Not sure, but I think it's best if you keep your distance for a little okay y/n?” Armin said in an apologetic tone. He could see the pain and worry twist its way into your face. ‘What did I do wrong?’ you asked yourself. Tears flooded down your face as you ran out of the dining hall back into your room. You told yourself this wouldn’t last long and things would be back to normal but you were so wrong.

Six months later and now you and Eren thoroughly hated one another. You couldn’t take his insults and cold shoulder anymore so you threw it back at him, making the divide between you two grow larger with every passing day. You let your feelings from before the mission drift away and all you were left with was resentment and anger. You never understood why he turned so cold but you didn’t care to figure it out anymore, he never wanted to be around you and that was it. But little did you know, someone else had really convinced him to stay away from you. He wanted to try and talk to you one day but Mikasa coerced him out of it, telling him that it would make things worse and that he would only end up hurting you again. He believed her and vowed to stay away from you.

It was a crisp Saturday evening. The regiment was going to be drinking and celebrating a successful mission outside together later that night, even Levi and Erwin would be attending. You made your way over to Sasha’s room to talk and get ready. It was nice to finally have a day to let loose and have fun. You and Sasha decided to take some sheers to old shirts and create sexy twist tops; neither of you had attire for a night out like this. You took an old black t-shirt of Erens that he had given to you one night, looking at it you felt a pang in your heart, before you shook it away and began to cut. You twisted it in the middle, giving your breasts little fabric hammocks to rest in. You pulled the straps up and over your shoulder. You shoved yourself into some high waisted jeans before heading out with Sasha.

It was a lively sight. People hugging and laughing, ignoring the horrible world they lived in for a while. Connie waved you and Sasha over to him and Jean who were seated around a high table. You jumped up onto a stool between the two boys and across from your friend. Jean had a pitcher of beer on the table and four glasses for you all. You finished three pitchers all together in the matter of 30 minutes, talking and cracking jokes the whole time.

You looked around and spotted Armin red faced, blabbering off to Commander Erwin, whose face was also flushed red from the alcohol he had consumed. It was a pleasant surprise that made you smile, seeing the two blonde men letting loose for a bit. Then you saw Eren and Mikasa, sitting at a table together getting belligerently drunk. You were never jealous of her, he always told you she was like a sister to him, but then you shook your head. ‘What? Why would I even be jealous anyway…’ you looked away from the pair, cursing at yourself for even feeling that way. ‘He hates you, you hate him’ you reminded yourself.

Your attention was snapped back when Connie placed four shots onto the table. You were no stranger to drinking, you actually really enjoyed it; maybe too much. You all nodded, tapping your shots down on the table, bringing them up, clanging them all together, then slamming them back onto the table before throwing the clear alcohol back into your mouths. Sasha groaned at the foul taste, begging Connie to go get some food with her to wash it out of her mouth. They headed off towards a table of food, leaving you and Jean alone. You looked back over at Eren, but he and Mikasa were both gone. Your mind started racing, but you kept your calm on the outside. You were pretty drunk at this point, vision a bit distorted, but your words still came out presentable. Jean laughed, he watched you sway in your seat before gripping tightly onto the table almost falling.

“You alright pretty girl?” Jean asked in a flirty voice. He was always super kind to you, especially after the accident, but he also learned not to baby you anymore after that. Sure, he was mad you ran off on your own, but he understood why you did that in the moment, you felt like you needed to prove something. You didn’t mind him taking a coy tone with you tonight.

“Oh yeahh don't worry about me” you said, dragging your words a bit in a teasing voice. You winked at him and he blushed. You were typically sarcastic when Jean flirted with you but not now. He was cute, maybe not ideal but you can’t be that picky when you weren’t dealt a great hand in the Scouts. He slid his hand across the table and grabbed onto yours gently. You looked up at him with a wide eyed, innocent look on your face. You looked to the side to see if Eren came back around, but to your frustration he was still nowhere to be found. You looked back at Jean.

“You know, I’ve always thought you were so beautiful y/n” he confesses, his grip on your hand tightening. You probably would have blushed under normal circumstances, but your drunken state left you smirking at him with an insatiable gleam in your eyes.

“So why don’t we…” your voice trailing off, you nodded your head to the side, signaling to Jean that you wanted to ditch the party and be alone. His entire face flushed red and his pupils dilated. He was so eager to finally have you to himself. He stood up briskly as did you. He held onto your hand, walking forward without saying a word to you. You started to feel a bit intimidated by the tall handsome man as he led you away from the crowd and into the dark of the night. But someone was watching you two, never stopped watching.

He pushed you up against the stables and began ravenously kissing at your neck and squeezing at your breast. Being touched deprived and drunk made you moan at his every touch.

“You look fucking incredible in this shirt” he huffed out. His lips came back to yours, shoving his tongue into your mouth. He started to move his hand lower and lower. You started to get nervous, you didn’t want to go this far, you weren’t ready to. You grabbed at his arm and whimpered out, “I-I don’t wanna do that right now, okay?” Jean kept moving his hands down. You weren’t sure if maybe he didn’t hear you or was too drunk or was just flat out ignoring you. Then his hand was forcefully pulled out of your pants as he fell backwards into the ground.

“Get the fuck off of her and get out of here. Now” Eren demanded in a fierce tone. He was standing above Jean, looking down at him. Any haziness you had in your head was washed away when you saw the scene unfold in front of you. Jean scrambled to get to his feet before looking Eren right in the eye.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he challenged. Eren was seething with anger. They both burned holes into each other's eyes. You didn’t want to see anyone get hurt because of you, so you spoke up.

“Jean, it's okay, I'm okay, I’ll catch up with you later okay?” you tried to reassure him. He looked at you confused then back at Eren with a grimace before turning away from the two of you.

“Alright whatever” he groaned, disappointed. You looked at the man in front of you for a second, before you lazily lunged at him with a fist. You were so angry and emotional when you saw him leave. Your coordination still wasn’t functioning at its best, he easily dodged and grabbed your wrist.

“What the fuck were you doing back here? Was he trying to..?” he manically questioned before letting go of his grasp on your arm. You were surprised to see how riled up he was over seeing you with Jean. You decided to push your luck.

“Why do you care Eren? And yeah, we were going to fuck until you came and ruined it” you spat at him.

“I heard you y/n, and I saw him ignore you. Don't play tough when I know you aren’t” he hissed back at you.

“What is wrong with you? Why were you watching us, you freak? Weren’t you off fucking Mikasa?” you sneered at him. You were embarrassed that he caught you lying, but even more embarrassed that he watched Jean touch all over you.

“You should be grateful I was here, who knows what we would’ve done” he answered, ignoring your comment about Mikasa. It gave him pleasure knowing you still cared a bit, that maybe you were even jealous.

“Grateful? I have no reason to be thanking you, I can handle myself just fine now leave me alone” you said, shoving your way past him. He grabbed your arm and yanked you back.

“What the fuck Eren. Get off of me…don’t you have another girl to harass?” you scoffed at him.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about” he stated in a shadowy tone.

“Don’t play dumb, you and Mikasa left together”

“We didn’t..but why do you care hm?” he asked, slightly smirking. He was lying, but he didn’t want you to know that just yet.

“I don’t give a shit, fuck whoever you want but don’t ruin my sex life too”

“I actually never left the party”

“Yes you did”

“Maybe you didn’t see me, but I was there, watching you,” he confessed.

“Eren what the fuck” you said, afflicted by what he had just said. Over the last year he spent everyday avoiding you, your gaze, your touch, and when you were around he was nothing short of evil to you. But here he was, hands on your wrists, having the longest conversation you two had ever had since the mission. You felt your emotions being pulled in every direction. ‘He still cares. He hates you. He’s an asshole. Does he miss you?’ You couldn’t figure out what to think, but one thing you knew was that you couldn’t forgive him for the way he had treated you.

“I don’t know why you were watching over me, or why you’re even talking to me right now, but I want to leave. I don’t want anything to do with you” you stammered. It wasn’t entirely true. You missed him so much, but that was the old him. You don’t even know who you’re looking at anymore.

“Y/n, I know that isn’t true” he said, inching closer to you. You could smell alcohol on his breath and the scent made you dizzy. You backed up, trying to pull your hands from his grip but it was of no use. Your back was up against the wood of the stables.

“I've missed you so much, you have no idea” he remarked, with a hint of sadness in his voice. You looked up at Eren, finally locking eyes with him. You hadn’t looked him in the eyes in so long. Despite everything, his eyes were the same as you remembered. They looked at you sympathetically, with love and tenderness, the way he used to. However, your fleeting moment of empathy turned quickly back into anger

“How could you?! How could you just cut me out of your life, treat me like a fucking stranger? And you have the audacity to pull this little stunt! ” you screamed at him, hot tears streaming down your cheeks.

“I-Im sorry, I-“ he was cut off by your hand sharply smacking him across the face. He stumbled back and away from you.

“Get the fuck away from me. You don’t get to just walk back into my life, no, fuck that and fuck you” you refuted. Your reply hit him harder than the slap. He couldn’t let you go, never again. The brief compassion he had was gone. He was done trying to be gentle, you had awakened something that had lied dormant for months. He spent so long trying to stay away from you, his thoughts tormenting him, but you were different now. He was going to go easy on you, slowly open up to you to see if you could accept him into your life again, but it seemed he couldn’t take that approach anymore. He slammed you back into the side of the stable, trapping your arms behind your back and gripped your jaw with one large hand.

“I did that all for you. You don’t know how hard it was for me to be mean to you, to stay away from you. But here you are, and I'm not going to hold back anymore” he revealed with a low predatory voice, sending an aching chill to your core. He slipped his free hand under your little makeshift shirt and ferociously clutched at your breast. He aggressively pressed his lips against yours, his heart fluttering as he finally felt your soft pretty lips against his own. A low whine vibrated in your throat. You wanted to be stronger, to push him away from you but your resolve crumbled.

“I don’t want to see you around Jean or any other guy here, do you understand me?” Eren murmured, his throat rasping with the low tone he took.

‘Excuse me, what did he just say?’ You couldn’t just take orders from him, not after all he put you through. You snapped out of the trance he had you under. You looked at him with scalding eyes and spit onto his face. It was risky, but you weren’t thinking straight. Again, you were conflicted between screaming at him or accepting him, hating him or loving him. He looked down at the dirt and slowly dragged his hand across his face, wiping your saliva from his cheek. He creeped his head back up, his vile look tormenting you.

“Who the fuck do you think you are Eren? Trying to tell me what to do with my body? Fuck off” you hissed back at him. You tried to move away from him but his hand was encasing your fragile throat.

“I know you miss me baby, I know you want to let me back in, but you have too much pride, you were always too stubborn. Let me show you what you’re missing” he muttered. You wanted him to be wrong but he was so right. You desperately wanted to forgive him and bring everything back to the way it used to be. His free hand unzipped your tight jeans and tugged them down to the ground. His thick digits started to rub against your folds through your pink lace panties. His other hand moved from your neck to the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of your hair and yanking your head back. He bit and sucked at the tender flesh of your neck, leaving little territorial marks all over you. Your lips parted to let out soft mewls. The last few months suddenly flashed before you, bringing anger back to the forefront of your mind.

“I h-hate you!” you screamed. Despite enjoying the way he was making you feel, you still had so much to let out.

“Don’t say that” he growled. His hands were under the fabric of your panties now, two fingers pumping in and out of you. His thumb reached around to swirl erotic circles on your sensitive nub.

“I mean it” you softly moaned out.

“No babygirl, you don’t. You can’t lie to me” He cooed into your ear. His fingers pace inside you abruptly quickened causing you to let out a pleasurable cry. Something about this new Eren was making your mind go crazy, he had an intense hunger for you and a depraved way of fulfilling it.

“Come back to me y/n, let's start over” he groaned into your ear, and you had a feeling he wasn’t suggesting that, but rather demanding. He tried to reach for your hand.

He desperately wanted you to touch him. You held your arms behind your back the entire time, by choice. You didn’t want to make him feel good, you didn’t want to feel his body, his face, his hair, or you knew you’d completely come undone.

“N-no Eren” you stammered. You were pushing his buttons, seeing how far you could go, how much he could take. He was starting to get angrier, revealing his deep sinful nature. He flicked his two fingers up, hitting your spongy spot every time they prodded back into you. His talented digits made your chest rise and fall quickly, letting short strained breaths and cries out.

“Wrong answer. You don’t get a choice. You will be mine” he demanded. Just as these words left his mouth your walls began to involuntarily clench around his fingers, your juices releasing all over them. You scraped your nails into the wood behind you, desperately trying to offer yourself some comfort. His possessive words should be scaring you, making you uncomfortable, but they only make you long for him more. Something about his controlling nature was truly intoxicating.

“I knew it, you do miss me, don’t you babygirl? I knew I should’ve done this earlier” he insinuated, a shameless smile creeping up on his face. He pulled his fingers out of your sobbing hole and brought them up to his mouth. He lolled his tongue out and slowly dragged his fingers down, savoring your sweet taste. You watched him in the lewd act, but thought about his words for a moment. ‘I knew I should’ve done this earlier’ you want to ask him what he meant but before you could speak his mouth was on yours, lips meeting once again. He gave you a wet kiss before pulling away to look at you. He pet your face and swept your wet strands of hair off your sweating forehead. Even all hot and messy, you still looked so adorable to him.

“Please baby, I can’t take it anymore. Put your arms around me” he begged. You gave the slightest nod of disapproval, pissing him off again.

“When I try to ask nicely you refuse. What is it with you?” he scowled at you. He yanked your arms from behind your back, making you yelp. He put them on his shoulders and pressed his body flush to yours. You stopped trying to fight his advances, wrapping one hand behind his neck and the other snaked through his hair.

His clothed bulge was firmly pressed against your exposed cunt. You began to buck your hips forward into him, forcing a low moan to escape his lips. He placed his hands on your thighs and hoisted them up and around his waist. You continued to kiss and explore each other's mouths with your tongues. You twirled yours around his, as if they were always meant to dance with one another.

He picked up your pants and carried you a few over to a shed. He kicked the door open, removed a hand from your ass to pull a light on. You looked and saw an old steel table with miscellaneous tools and blueprints all over it. Eren used a hand to shove everything to the side and sat you down. He stood between your legs, your neck angled painfully high to kiss the man towering above you. His hands moved down to his crotch as he meticulously unbuttoned his slacks. His throbbing member sprung from his boxers as he lowered them down his legs. Your mind was racing as you thought about what was actually happening. He pressed his cock against your needy hot cunt, sweeping through your puffy lips with it. All inhibition left your body from the touch. You pulled him close to you, the heat radiating between your legs.

“Fuck me Eren, please” you begged him. Your words made his blood hot.

“About time” he groaned. He aligned his cock with your tight entrance. He firmly grabbed your ass cheeks as he slowly advanced himself into your sobbing cunt. Your walls clung onto his swollen tip. He bucked his hips before completing bottoming out inside of you, gently grazing your cervix. His thrusts turned into brutal ramming, the entire table shaking with ever hard pound into you. Your lower stomach was bulging with every assault, your head hanging back from the feeling.

“Do you still hate me now?” he spat at you. His eyes transfixed on your bouncing tits. You couldn’t think straight, the pleasure of his cock hitting you in all the right places scrambled your brain.

“N-No no Eren fu-uck just fuck me, faster please!” you squealed out. He was already savagely slamming into you, but he answered your calls and quickened his pace. He grabbed you by the neck, forcing your head forward to look into his eyes.

“Tell me, tell me you’re mine” he whined into your ear. His eyes looked primal, as if he would devour you if you didn’t answer him correctly. You could tell he was close, his thrusts were getting sloppier and all he could do was let out husky breaths and little moans.

“Ah fuck I’m all yours Eren!” you cried out.

“ONLY mine”

“Y-yess ONLY yours”

Your legs wrapped around him as your orgasm shocked your entire body. You gripped his dark locks and looked up to see Eren’s eyes looking at yours, admiring the way your face contorted with pleasure. His knees buckled as his cock twitched inside you, releasing his warm thick cum all over your walls. He slowly dragged himself out of you, huffing heavy breaths out. Your legs fell down to dangle off the side of the table again. You rested your head onto his chest and he wrapped his arms around you, placing his head on top of yours. You both laid there, chests heaving in unison. You abruptly pulled away, startling him, and you looked up.

“Why d-did you leave me Eren?” you asked, tears welling up in your solemn eyes. He looked to the side, saddened by the question, and trying to find the right words.

“Because, I didn’t want to hurt you. I thought you’d be better off away from me after the mission and I-“

“Why would I be better off that way? You hurt me even more by doing that…”

“I nearly killed you y/n! I almost lost you, and everyone made me feel like I would be a danger to you” he whispered. Anguish and hurt flooded his voice when he spoke to you. The once domineering man was crumbling as he gave his confession to you.

“Why did you wait so long? Why now?” you said, pulling aggressively on his shirt. You recalled him saying he wanted ‘to do this sooner’ but never got to ask about it. He rubbed the back of his neck before looking down at you.

“I…well…Mikasa told me to stay away from you too…and I did leave the party before with her..but only for a little and that’s when I realized her intentions…but I came right back to find you and talk to you after that” he said, searching your face for a hint of how you were feeling. Your expression was blank, eyes were now dried and void of emotion. You jumped off the table and started putting your pants on. Eren started to grow worried as you neared the door.

“Y/n? Where do you think you’re going?”

“To find Mikasa”

[nat-20s]

Part 5 of Wonderful! Au. *boyband voice* banter’s back alright!

Also on AO3

~*~

Jon: Hello everyone, and welcome back to our regular format. If my husband being horribly soppy-

Martin:-hey!-

Jon: -turned you off the how, this should be a refreshing return to formula, though I can’t guarantee there won’t be further horrible soppiness-

Martin, performatively under his breath: -most people thought it was charming-

Jon: -as that tends to happen when one is recording with the love of their life. If last week’s episode is the only one that you like, too bad, I’m back in full form, and should be at least through the rest of the season.

Martin: This show doesn’t have seasons? Due to the whole lack of a narrative thing?

Jon: I was referring to spring.

Martin: Oh, right.

[A beat passes.]

Martin, flatly: Oh. Great goof hon.

Jon, smug: Thank you.

Jon, sincere: Also, before we get properly started, I did want to actually thank everyone who sent well wishes.

M artin: Yes! We got positively inundated with lovely messages, it definitely brightened both of our days. I would even say it was wonderful.

[Jon groans.]

Jon: I am..not proud of the energy we’ve created for this episode so far, and we haven’t even hit the small wonders. Speaking of, do you have a small wonder this week?

Martin: Mine’s bad action movies.

Jon: Really? I had no idea you even liked them, let alone consider them wonderful.

Martin: Okay, so, saying I like them is a bit of a misnomer? It’s more that I like what they can do more than the movies themselves?

Jon: Elaborate?

Martin: It probably comes as a surprise to no one that I’ve tried my hand at a fair amount of mindfulness and mediation techniques. I’ve found poetry and journaling have been helpful for actually processing life events and whatnot, but when it comes to giving your brain a hard wipe and reset, nothing is half as quick and effective as a shitty shoot-em-up. Somethings about 2 hours of cartoonish, pg-13 violence held together with the absolute loosest of plots brings me to a state of mental blankness that would make a monk jealous.

Jon: How have I never witnessed you doing this? When are you sneaking off to go see Micheal Tarantino or who ever films?

M artin: That’s definitely not the right name.

Jon: Martin, dear, I don’t care. And you’re dodging the question.

Martin, fond: I’m not dodging anything. Since apparently we’re getting into it, you haven’t caught me cavorting with a movie involving more explosions than character development lately because I haven’t been. Haven’t needed it, in recent years. Turns out when you’re not crushingly lonely and working a literal nightmare of job, there’s less of a drive to try and escape your own thoughts. Shocker, I know. Still, to anyone out there that feels like their brain is on fire, go try watching a fast and furious. Any of ‘em, it doesn’t matter. Or even better, Chronicles of Riddick. I can’t remember a single goddamn detail of that movie, which makes it perfect for what I’m talking about.

Jon: I have the strong feeling that th is is a “mileage may vary” scenario.

Martin: Well, yeah, that’s this whole podcast. Plus, I imagine that movies like this would cause more stress to someone who cares about, say, world-building or rules consistency.

Jon: I wonder who you could possibly be referring to.

Martin: It’s a purely hypothetical person, love, don’t worry about it. Any small wonders?

Jon: Yes! Particularly relevant to the last week, my small wonder is stripping the sheets from your bed when it’s been too long between washes.

Martin: How very specific. M ost people would just say ‘clean sheets’.

Jon: Well, for one, I’m fairly certain that we’ve already covered clean sheets-

Martin: Shit, have we? Thank god other people keep track of this, otherwise this show would be unbearably repetitive.

Jon: Christ, yes. I typically check the website a good three times while prepping, and every about one out of those three times I find I’m trying to do an topic we did 30 episodes again. Anyway, um, it’s just nice, I think. When you’ve been too busy or sick or away for awhile, tossing the sheets in the wash makes a room instantly seem nicer. Of all the chores out there, this one, at least for me, has the highest reward to effort ratio.

Martin: Hard agree. Especially when the y have that slight funk of having been around to long, getting rid of that is such a relief. Speaking of, we need to change our sheets soon.

Jon: We can do it after the episode. Who goes first this week?

Martin: Considering last week was only me talking, I’m gonna say it’s you.

Jon: Alright, then. My first thing this week is Martin K. Blackwood.

Martin: Absolutely not!

Jon: Oh, you can do a whole episode on me, but I can’t do one little segment on my husband, whom I love very dearly?

Martin: Not while I’m sat here, no!

Jon: So you’re saying you don’t want me to tell the internet that your resolve to be kind even in the face of indescribable cruelty is one of the mot breathtaking things I’ve ever witnessed, or how I find it incredibly endearing when you get so emotional that your voice comes out as a squeak, or even that, on a more base level, you’re very physically attractive, and I could lose entire days thinking about your arms alone?

Martin, audibly blushing, voice the aforementioned squeak: Oh my god, Jon!

Jon, laughing: Then it’s probably for the best that my actual first thing is best friends.

Martin, peaking the audio levels: Oh you absolute bastard! Do you enjoy this? Do you get some sort of perverse sense of entertainment from riling me up?

Jon: Oh, don’t you start. As if you’re not as bad as I am. Maybe even worse.

Martin: That’s not…

Jon: Yes?

Martin: Okay. Maybe it’s slightly true. Really, what is romance for if not flustering your partner with compliments?

Jon, teasing: I certainly can’t think of anything.

Martin: Hush, you.

Jon: No, I don’t think I will.

Martin: Fine. I suppose you can tell our delightful audience about the power of friendship or whatever.

Jon: I would’ve assumed more enthusiasm, considering this segment is still, indirectly, about you.

Martin: In what way?

Jon: In the way that, to the shock of all, you’re my best friend.

Martin, pleased: Oh, is that what I am?

Jon, exasperated: Yes, dearest husband, I wouldn’t have married you otherwise. Though, upon reflection, I knew you were my best friend before I knew I held romantic feelings for you.

Martin: When was that?

Jon, letting out a breath that vibrates his lips: God it was...2016? I think it might’ve literally been the day after you told me about your CV.

Martin: That early? Huh. I wonder if that’s what people were picking up when they said they we were close.

Jon: What people?

Martin: I don’t know specifically, that’s just what Daisy told me.

Jon: Daisy? When the hell-?

Martin: It...was when she was interrogating me? And, because sometimes I have to be a parody of myself, pretty much my only take away from that interrogation was “people think me and Jon are close”.

Jon: Well then. It’s not like they were wrong.

Martin, smug: No, no they weren’t.

Martin, sincere: And you’re my best friend, too.

Jon: I was certainly hoping that you’re in this relationship for more than my good looks and incredible fortune, both in the monetary and luck sense.

Martin: You say that as if you aren’t good looking, which we all know is patently untrue.

Jon: You’re biased. You’d say I was good looking if I were nothing more than some primordial ooze with thoughts about its station.

Martin: I’m being completely objective. If you were primordial ooze with thoughts above its station, you’d be the cutest ooze of them all. That’s just scientific fact.

Jon: I’m starting to think we might be insufferable.

Martin: Starting to? Might be?

Jon:…

[Jon clears his throat]

Jon: What I find wonderful about the concept of best friends is, to me, they’re the closest thing real life has to soulmates. I don’t personally believe that there’s some..grand mystic force that drives people to be tied together in the manner that narrative typical soulmates are, and if there was I don’t think it would necessarily be the kind of emotional, heartfelt bond one would hope for, but I do believe that there’s individuals that get to know one another, and because of that knowledge, they chose to stick with one another. It doesn’t have to be a romantic, which is why I say best friend rather than specifically ‘spouse’, but I would argue that the basis of a strong romance like you and I have, is very much rooted in that connection. A true best friendship is an equal partnership, and there’s a sense of..matched sensibilities and understanding that can be utterly incandescent when it happens.

I also think that having one or more best friends makes living life on a day to day basis both better and just flat easier. The dark times aren’t as dark, and the bright times shine even more. I know from my own personal experience there are events that I..that I don’t know how I would’ve made it through without you. Hell, last week my..recovery period would’ve taken much longer if you hadn’t been there.

It’s an amazing thing to have someone to share things with, both triumphs and burdens. Um, also, according to Dictionary.com, the term best friends in English has been around since the 1200s. Something about that delights me, like, yes, we’ve had this casual way of referring to a Favorite Person for roughly 800 years. That makes it a hold-out from early Middle English. I dunno, it’s one of those things that make me feel overall very charmed by humanity.

Martin, audibly smiling: No, yeah, hard agree.

Jon: What’s that look for?

Martin: Nothing. Just. I love you a whole lot, you know that?

Jon, voice soft: I may have heard you say that once or twice. Per hour.

Martin: Only that often? I really need to be more diligent about that.

[There’s a bet of silence, presumably where they’re making doe eyes at each other.]

Jon: What’s your first thing?

Martin: Oh, um, right. Rats!

Jon: The expression or the animal?

Martin: Jon, have you ever once heard me say “rats” as an expression? Obviously I’m referring to the animal.

Jon: Ah. Should’ve known, considering that what, a third?, of all your segments have been on animals.

Martin: Yeah? And? You got a problem with critters? With creatures? With lil guys?

Jon, laughing: No, no, it’s very sweet. I’m just surprised you never became a vet.

Martin: Oh believe me, I wanted to. But then I learned that it was not, in fact, a job composed entirely of getting paid to play with other people’s pets.

Jon: You had that job, though, didn’t you? I thought I remembered you mentioning a month long stint at a doggie day care.

Martin, sighing dreamily: Best job I ever had. Too bad that place was shut down after it was revealed to be a money laundering front.

Jon: Good lord.

Jon: Martin did you...did you know it was a money laundering front at the time?

Martin:

Martin: Would it make you feel better if I said no?

Jon: Martin!

Martin: I figured it out like a week in, but, like, who cares? The pay was decent and the floor was super easy to clean, which is very much a plus for even a front of a doggie day care.

Jon: That’s...rather a lot. How about instead of getting into that any further, you tell me about rodents.

Martin: I would love to. But first, we have a shoutout!

Jon: Ooo, a shoutout. Does it specify who should read?

Martin: Let me check. It...does...not…..

...

Jon: Martin?

[A beat.]

Martin: Right! Sorry, um. This week’s shoutout is from Tim, to Danny. It says, “Danny! My favorite person who shares genetic material with me! I wanted to say thank you for your podcast obsession from 4 months ago, and specifically for telling me about these marrieds. They’ve gotten me through many a dull hour at the publishing house. Also, with this shoutout, I’ve officially gotten ahead on the Superior [Last Name Redacted] Brother scoreboard, so suck it. Love you lots, and looking forward to your visit next month, Tim.”

Jon: Oh.

Jon: Um. That’s very..sweet? I think? Mostly?

Martin: Yeah, I’d say so. Uh. We have to take a quick break because, uh, someone is..at our front door! Be back with you all in, from your side of things, just a moment.

[thebookreader12345]

Stop the Violence

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Best Friend! reader

Summary: Y/N has been hiding her abusive past for all her life, and somehow, she’s managed to keep it a secret from Intelligence, and her best friend, Jay Halstead, this long. However, when someone sees something they shouldn’t have, Y/N’s world changes, and the only way she can get through it is with Jay at her side

Requested: Yes, by @virtualreader​

Warnings: abusive relationship, talk and depiction of a beating, alcohol abuse

Word Count: 1,764 Words

I tugged my sleeves down for the umpteenth time this morning, hoping that they would stay in their current position, but I knew they wouldn’t. I should’ve just worn a hoodie, but alas, all of mine were dirty, and since I didn’t feel like doing laundry last night, I was stuck with this long sleeved shirt whose sleeves never stayed all the way down my arms, and always found a way to ride up.

“You okay over there?” Jay questioned from where he was seated at his desk across the room.

“I’m fine,” I reply. “It’s just that these stupid sleeves won’t stay down.”

“Just role them up,” Jay proposed. “It’s warm in here.”

“It’s cool,” I insist. “I’ll just deal with it.” Jay hesitated, as if he wanted to say something, but ended up not talking and went back to doing his paperwork. That’s when Kevin and Adam entered the bullpen side by side, both with a cup of coffee in their hands. “Hey, guys. Either of you know when Voight’s gonna be in?”

“Uh, no,” Adam responded. “Why?”

“I need to run a quick errand. Cover for me?” I ask Jay.

Jay nodded. “Sure. Where are you going?”

“I’ve got to run an errand for my dad. I’ll be back soon,” I say quickly and stuff my phone into my pocket before heading for the stairs. 

My dad and I have never really been close. I was always closer to my mom, but when I was 16, she passed away from heart failure, leaving my dad to raise me all by himself. That’s when the problems began. My dad started drinking more often, coming home drunk after work. During these times, he would become somewhat aggressive. It was just little things though, like grabbing my arm a bit too rough. I waved it off at first because he was grieving over the love of his life, and I was sure he’d get over it in a few months. Except it never stopped. The drinking continued, not just after work at bars, but at the house too. And the violence didn’t stop either. In fact, it just got worse. Grabbing turned into smacking, and then punching. I thought that when I moved out, things would be different. I wanted to stop going by his house to say hello, but he was the only close family I had left, so I continued stopping by and running errands for him. The abuse didn’t happen as often as before, but when it did, I had to figure out how to hide the bruises, hence me wearing long sleeves and a lot of makeup. It was hard keeping this from the rest of the unit, especially Jay, who was my best friend, but I didn’t want them to think differently of me when they heard about my family life.

The reason for my errand was that my dad wanted a few things from the grocery store, and since he was apparently busy, he asked if I could pick those things up. I didn’t want to because I had work, but because Voight wasn’t in yet, I figured I’d just do it now to stop my dad from bothering me for the rest of the day. So, I left the district and drove to the grocery store, hoping that I could get this done as quick as possible. It didn’t take me long to grab everything my dad needed, including beer. I could’ve just not bought it, but that would make him angry, and I didn’t want to face that at the moment. After loading everything into my car, I made the short drive to my dad’s house.

“Dad! I’m here!” I call out into the house as I stepped inside. To the right was the living room, and behind that was the kitchen. My dad was sitting in the living room on his recliner with the TV on, not doing a single thing, which made me mad because I left work for him, but I pushed those thoughts aside and made my way into the kitchen to set the groceries down.

“What kind of beer did you get?” my dad asked as I headed back into the living room.

“Uh, Budweiser,” I answer.

“I asked for Corona,” my dad spoke.

“Yeah, I know, but I had to be quick cause I have to get back to work, so I just grabbed the first thing I saw,” I explain and fish my keys out of my pocket.

My dad growled and stood up. “So your work is more important than your own father?”

“At the moment, yeah,” I reply. Right after I said that, I immediately regretted it. I could see my father’s face change, and before I could even move, my dad stepped forward and punched me in the face, catching me square in the eye. I cried out in pain and fell to the floor, clutching the side of my face, which was now throbbing. “Dad, please stop,” I beg. But he didn’t stop there and took another step towards me, this time sending a kick straight to my ribs. Pain exploded in my side where the tip of his boot had come in contact with me, but I couldn’t do anything about it. Just before my dad could kick me again, the door to the house was kicked open, and seconds later, Jay and Hailey appeared.

“Hey! Step away from her,” Jay ordered with his gun raised. My father glanced between me and the cops, and decided it was better not to go against their orders, so he took a step back. Hailey didn’t waste any time and handcuffed my father’s hands behind his back, telling him his rights as she led him out to the car.

“J-Jay? What are you doing here?” I croak out and sit up, which sent more pain throughout my body.

“Hailey and I came down to see what was taking you so long, and to tell you that we’ve got no new cases, so Voight gave us the day off. I uh, I saw everything through the window,” Jay mumbled and gestured towards the big glass pane in the wall behind us. “I’m gonna take you to the hospital, okay?”

I shook my head. “N-no. I just want to go home.”

“Well, that’s not going to happen. I’ll bring you back to my place, and then I’ll call Will over to check you over,” Jay said and held out a hand to help me up. I took his hand, allowing him to pull me up, but pain racked my body. “All right. Lets go.” While Hailey used Jay’s truck to get my father back to the district, Jay drove my car back to his apartment. A few minutes after we got there, Will arrived to see if any of my injuries were severe enough to where I would need professional care.

“Your orbital bone isn’t broken, just bruised,” Will informed me as he examined my eye. “Jay also said something about your side.” I nodded and lifted up my shirt so that Will could get a look at my side. A reddish purple bruise had already began to form, and based on it’s size and deep color, I knew it would be there for awhile. Will pressed on the bruise, and I winced in pain, immediately tensing away from his hand. “Sorry. Uh, your ribs don’t look broken either. But you should be careful the next few days so you don’t hurt yourself any more. You should also ice your side and your eye. That’ll help the swelling go down.”

“Thanks, Will,” Jay told his brother, who left seconds later, leaving Jay and I alone in the apartment. I took a seat on the couch, my back resting against the arm rest, and Jay sat down on the opposite side, moving his body so it mirrored mine. For a few moments, we sat in silence, but finally, Jay spoke up. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I sighed. “What was I going to say, Jay? ‘Oh, hey, just to let you know, I’ve got an abusive father who beats me over the stupidest things?’”

“You could’ve at least talked to Hailey,” Jay put in.

“I know,” I state. “But what kind of friend would I be if I made her relive her own terrible memories?” Again, we were silent for a few seconds, and again, Jay broke that silence.

“How long has this been going on?” Jay questioned.

“Since I was 16,” I reply softly, tears beginning to gather in my eyes. “He wasn’t always like this, but after my mom died, he changed. The beatings, they didn’t start until I was in college, but I think that made them worse.” I took a deep breath and wiped at my eyes, cleaning the tears off of my face. “I-I should’ve said something, should’ve done something. I mean, I’m a cop. I should’ve been able to defend myself, but I just let the beatings happen. I let him hit me.”

“Hey,” Jay murmured and got up from his seat. From there he moved to the seat next to me and placed a comforting hand on my knee. “Don’t blame what he did on you. This isn’t your fault. It was never your fault.”

I sniffled and wiped more tears from my face. “I know, but it’s hard not to think that it is. If anything, I should’ve gone to the unit, or at least talked to you.”

“You’re talking to me now, and that’s all that matters,” Jay confessed and gave me a small smile.

“So, what’s gonna happen to my dad?” I ask.

“He’s uh, he’s going to get jail time. He got charged with assault down at the 21st. It looks like it’ll only be a year or two for him in prison, but I am going to make sure he’s never able to hurt you again. That’s a promise I intend on keeping,” Jay admitted. I smiled and sat up, pushing my legs to the side so that I could lean forward and hug Jay. He squeezed me back tightly, and being in the arms of my best friend gave me the comfort I really needed right now.

“Thank you,” I whisper into his chest. “For everything.”

“You’re my best friend, Y/N. I’d do anything for you. Now, I say we order some takeout and have a movie night. What do you think?” Jay quizzed.

“I think that sounds like a great idea. Lets do it,” I say.

____________________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @dreamingmanip @campingmonkey @winterberryfox @nevertoofarfromivar @anotherfan07 @giagma @mrspeacem1nusone @i-like-sparkly-things

[smutbymia]

Would you write try to write a Johnny x reader x Mark where she's Johnny's girlfriend and he has nipple sucking kink? Something like she's asleep and starts to wake up when she felt someone suckling on her nipple and she's thought it was Johnny, so she let he keep suckling and rans her fingers into his hair for some time but when she opened her eyes, she saw Mark sucking on her nipples while Johnny is watching them?

For mark, there were a lot of positives and negatives when it came to being Johnny’s roommate. The best part about being Johnny’s roommate was the fact that his parents had gifted him the apartment and so rent was mere pennies in comparison to other places in the area. The worst part was that because the apartment was technically still Johnny’s, the dude had almost no boundaries.

Mark was used to it for the most part. He had walked in on many steamy make out sessions his roommate was in the middle of. He’d seen it all — almost. Kissing, groping, even some undressing. He’d usually just tip toe to his room and try to act like he never witnessed a thing but this time was a bit different. You and Johnny had been dating for a few months now and things seemed to be different with you.

You had all gone to school together and so Johnny seemed to be a bit more cautious about fooling around in Marks presence. And since you were a year older than Mark, he had always had a certain level of respect for you as his senior who had tutored him here and there throughout the years. Overall he approved. You were smart, kind, and so pretty that he would even get flustered around you sometimes. Johnny would often tease him about it after you left the apartment.

He was a bit shocked when you and Johnny had started dating but seeing you together made him realize that it was a combination that simply made sense. You and Johnny had always been friends and when romance started to blossom the both of you bravely fell into a relationship that was going well so far.

Mark was halfway out of the door one afternoon when he got a text from Jaemin telling him that class was cancelled and inviting him to come hang out at his dorm. Of course Mark would have loved to accept but truthfuly he was way behind with his schoolwork and so he declined politely and instead marched right back into his room, hoping to make good use of the rest of his afternoon and night by being productive.

A few hours later he heard you and Johnny arrive in the apartment. He had been meaning to come out and say hello since he first heard the familiar sound of keys shaking in the lock of their front door, but he was so caught up in his work after finally making a breakthrough with his studying. He shoved his headphones over his head and continued scribbling math formulas across the pages of his notebook, falling into a trance-like state.

When Mark finally snapped out of it about an hour had passed. He slipped his headphones off his head and was met with silence. He shrugged to himself figuring you had both left and headed out of his room. He could hear the faint sound of a movie playing on the living room television as he approached the kitchen. When he arrived, he was shocked at the scene playing out in front of him. A bowl of popcorn rested on the counter next to you. You were seated on top of the counter with Johnny standing between your legs.

Johnny had been his typical handsy self all evening but when you both went to get popcorn from the kitchen he had playfully lifted you up onto the counter and had pushed your shirt up to your chest to capture your nipples between his fingers before pulling one into his mouth and suckling. He swirled his tongue around the sensitive buds as he alternated between each one before settling on one after awhile and humming against your skin. Your head fell backwards against the cupboards and your eyes fell shut momentarily, enjoying the way his mouth felt all over your body.

Mark couldn’t believe his eyes. Sure, he knew Johnny had a thing for boobs and had seen him grope numerous different sets of them over the years on their living room couch but he had never seen his friend so consumed by a particular task the way he seemed to be consumed by the act of suckling your nipples. And your tits. Wow they were beautiful. The way you softly groaned whenever Johnny would stick his tongue out and —-

Shit! Shit, shit, shit. Your eyes fluttered open and met Marks. He seemed to be so caught up in the moment that it took him a moment to realize he looked just a tad creepy standing there and watching until he saw the expression on your face go from totally blissed out to totally panicked. Johnny was oblivious and reached up to massage at your free breast as he continued sucking, increasing the intensity of his mouth and pulling a loud moan from your lips. You swatted at his shoulder, and he released your nipple with a pop from his mouth as you frantically pulled down your shirt.

“N-noona, I — uh,” Mark stuttered. He backed out of the kitchen looking embarrassed and turning slightly red. Johnny turned to Mark at the sound of his voice.

“Oh,” he said nonchalantly when he realized why you had made him stop.

“S-sorry, I wasn’t — I mean I didn’t mean to.. I’m g-gonna go back to.. my..,” Mark said as he clumsily grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and all but ran back down the hall to his room before shutting the door behind him and resting his back against it.

“Fuck,” he sighed to himself. He was beating himself up for being so ridiculous. He shut his eyes, feeling exasperated. But of course the first thing that popped into his mind was the image of you with your legs spread and chest rising and falling as johnny massaged your breasts.

Mark groaned again before opening his eyes and shaking his head. He walked further into his room and froze when he caught his reflection in his floor length mirror. Luckily it wasn’t obvious, but he was certainly very aware of the bulge rising in his jeans.

“Aw, dang...” he complained as he reached down to palm himself through them. He rushed back to his door, opening it just a crack and listening intently. He could hear you and Johnny casually mumbling about the movie. He closed the door softly and flicked his lights off before crawling into his bed, feeling very ashamed of what he was about to do next.

You were seated in the living room trying to focus on the film but felt uneasy. You snuggled up to Johnny’s side before you tilting your head up to look at him. Johnny was watching the movie like it was the best thing he had ever seen. You watched as his eyes crinkled at the sides when something on screen made him laugh.

You nudged him. “Are you sure we shouldn’t check on him, I mean I feel really bad!” you said. Johnny was slightly caught off guard by the sudden statement.

“No it’s fine, trust me,” he said before diverting his attention back to the screen. A few minutes passed before you spoke again.

“But he looked so flustered. He was turning red almost. I think he must have been really uncomfortable!” you said with a look of concern on your face.

“Yeah I’m sure he was uncomfortable alright. He’s probably beating his dick as we speak,” Johnny joked as he put some popcorn into his mouth.

“Stop, Mark is a sweet kid—“ you began.

“Kid? You guys are barely even a year apart,” Johnny laughed before turning his head to you and pulling you in for a kiss.

“Still,” you began as you snuggled back into Johnny’s side, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” Something in Johnny’s brain clicked.

“Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance,” he exclaimed. You furrowed your brow in response. Johnny did this sometimes. He was a psychology major after all.

“Huh?” you mumbled.

“It’s a theory that explores the inner conflict people experience when their thoughts, beliefs, and actions aren’t in alignment with each other ,” Johnny muttered as he slid his hand under your shirt and along your skin. He squeezed softly at your chest before dragging his fingers back and forth across your nipples.

You moaned softly. “I’m not following,” you confessed, still unsure what the theory had to do with you wanting to apologize to Mark.

Johnny giggled as he tugged at your nipples and watched your back arch away from both him and the couch.

“You view Mark as some sort of kid in comparison to you,” he began. “Maybe it’s because he’s inexperienced, or quiet, or a bit awkward around you cause he thinks you’re pretty,” he continued as he played with your body like a toy. You moaned softly under his touch. The movie was long forgotten to you but Johnny still had his eyes fixed on the screen.

“You guys are closer in age than we are but you both act like you aren’t. And so, you’re experiencing inner conflict,” he finished.

“W-why would that make me feel conflicted?” you said through breathy moans.

“Before I can answer that question, you have to answer mine first,” he said, sprinkling kisses along your neck. You let out a soft groan in response, urging him to ask whatever it was that he wanted to. You weren’t ready for the next words that left his mouth.

“Did my baby enjoy it? Making another baby flustered?” he said in a low whisper.

You gasped as you felt electricity shoot through your body. Johnny laughed. He didn’t need an answer. He knew very well that something inside of you must have been unlocked.

If he wasn’t so confident and comfortable in your relationship he may have been a little jealous but hey, he was a psychology student after all. Human behaviour was very interesting to observe and he had a theory of his own he wanted to test.

Mark was fresh out of the shower and laying in bed when there was a knock at his door. You had already left the apartment but he still felt a bit weird about facing Johnny so Mark had stayed in his room.

“I ordered pizza!” Johnny yelled from behind the door. He didn’t wait for mark to respond before he walked off to go dig in.

Mark hesitated as he got up from his bed. He was starving, though. Which is what led him to that kitchen in the first place. The images flashed across Marks mind again. It would have been enough to turn him on all over again but he already came twice since he walked in on the both of you a few hours ago.

The first time was when he rushed back to his room. He sat up on his bed and shoved the corner of his pillow in his mouth to muffle his own moans as he jerked at his length over and over again with the image of your tits and blissed out expression in his mind. He sat there quietly, spilling all over himself and his bed sheets as his hips bucked uncontrollably in his dark room.

The second time was in the shower where he routinely jerked off. He finally felt empty enough after and much more clear headed.

He was feeling guilty as hell but that didn’t stop him from marching towards the smell of pizza. He figured It would be okay since you weren’t around. And it was at first.

“Y/n was totally freaked,” Johnny exclaimed, chuckling to himself. The two boys were watching some sort of basketball game on TV. Mark almost choked after hearing Johnny’s words.

“Shit, I wanted to apologize but I just—“ he started.

“She liked it,” Johnny interrupted. He glanced over at Mark, mischief in his eyes as he munched on a slice. Mark froze.

“Wait what?” he asked, baffled. Johnny broke out into laughter.

“H-hyung, stop teasing me. I already feel guilty,” Mark said. Johnny was still laughing when he dropped the remainder of his slice of pizza back into the box.

He dusted off his hands and rested one on Marks shoulder.

“Hyungs not teasing you,” he said, softly mocking Mark and speaking in the third person.

“She totally freaked because she liked it. Looks like the crush you have on my girlfriend isn’t one sided after all,” he said. Marks eyes went wide.

“D-dude? I’m really sorry I swear I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to come between you guys or anything I just-“ Mark started rambling apologetically.

“No offence but I don’t think you could steal her from me, even if you tried” Johnny joked before continuing, “but if you’re really sorry you’ll help me with something”.

“Something that I think you’ll have a lot of fun doing. Just be ready. I hope you aren’t a heavy sleeper,” he finished. Mark felt nervous. He had no idea what Johnny was getting at.

A few days had passed and Mark had succesfully avoided you. Whenever you were back at the apartment with Johnny, he was either in class or out with friends. Honestly, you were a bit nervous after everything that happened. Johnny had uncovered something that you had no idea was even a thought in your head. You felt a bit guilty but he seemed to take it really well. Almost too well.

Everything was normal between you two. You were staying the night like you often did when you felt the familiar feeling of Johnny playing with the hem of your shirt. You always wore loose clothing around him for this very reason. You were very used to him taking a nipple of yours into his mouth in the middle of the night whenever you were cuddled up next to him in bed.

Your eyes fluttered as you fumbled around with the shirt before feeling Johnny’s mouth meet your chest. He dropped a few kitten licks across your nipples, making your core heat up.

You groaned, roping your hands into his hair and pulling him against your breast, making him latch his entire mouth to your sensitive bud. You moaned softly.

“More... I need more,” you whined. You gripped tighter at his hair when you heard a high pitched mewl escape from the lips of whoever the fuck was attached to your chest because you knew straight away that wasn’t a sound that could ever leave Johnny’s mouth.

Your eyes flew open, first settling on Johnny’s figure at the end of your bed. He had his hand buried in his sweatpants and was stroking at his length with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. You gasped as you looked down to see Mark. His soft lips rubbed against your skin. His eyes sparkling eyes fluttered open and met yours as he moaned softly again.

“Noona, Johnny made me—“ he tried to say with his mouth still attached to your nipple. The humming of his voice made your head spin as it sent shockwaves through your body. You shook slightly before letting Marks name slip from your lips. The sound alone made him harden in his pants. Johnny got closer, until his mouth was latched against your other nipple and your head fell back against the pillows on his bed as both boys snuggled against you.

You felt tugging at your shorts. Johnny was trying to get them off. You lifted your hips in response as you felt him drag the material down to your thighs before giving up. Your panties followed and soon you could feel his fingers circle around you clit achingly slow, winding you up. You circled your hips to meet every movement of his hand as you felt wetness pool between your legs.

After a few minutes of painful teasing, you felt johnny release your nipple from his mouth and then Mark. The boys whispered between each other as Johnny continued to keep you distracted by making his fingers run through your folds, gathering your juices.

You watched as he lifted his fingers towards Marks lips. The boy hesitated briefly before letting his mouth fall open and wrapping his lips around Johnny’s fingers and sucking them clean.

You groaned as you watched the boys together, bonding over their desire to please you.

“Touch her,” Johnny mumbled as he slipped his fingers back out of marks mouth to continue circling at your clit. You felt marks fingers prod softly at your hole before he let them glide into your entrance, rubbing your insides in all the right places. It didn’t take long before both boys had overstimulated you. With Johnny’s fingers picking up speed on your clit, and marks fingers hitting your g-spot while the both of them assaulted your nipples, your orgasm came crashing through your body. Their names spilled from your mouth.

As you came down from your high, Johnny’s lips met yours in a passionate kiss. Mark was still suckling softly at your nipple, eyes closed, in a state of relaxation.

“Look at him,” Johnny whispered against your lips. “I think he’s falling asleep and he hasn’t even cum yet,” you said. You nudged mark awake as his eyes fluttered open.

“Mark, are you okay?” you asked sweetly. The boy looked up at you as if you were everything to him — with stars in his eyes. He nodded. Johnny pulled at his chin, guiding him until mark hovered in front of your face. He froze, somehow feeling nervous.

You bridged the gap quickly, pulling him towards you and capturing his mouth in a soft kiss. As expected, Mark was polite and respectful towards both you and Johnny. He relied on you to make the first move and control the pace. You begged for access to his mouth, letting your tongue softly brush against his as you felt him melt into your touch.

Johnny was asleep, mouth still on your nipple when you pulled away from Mark.

“Does he always fall asleep like that?” Mark asked in wonder as he looked down at his hyung resting so peacefully against your naked chest.

You nodded. Mark yawned and moved to get out of bed but you pulled him into you as well.

“Don’t leave,” you cooed. You watched him turn softer as he shrunk into your side, closing his eyes and going back to swirling his tongue around your nipple. You roped your fingers through his hair the way you knew he liked. He was definitely about to have the best sleep of his life.

[keefwho]

September 12 - 2023 Tuesday

8:55am

I'm having the thought that I don't want to be seen today. I'm having the thought that I won't be able to live up to my own standards let alone anyone else's. I'm having the thought that it's all too hard and I'll never be able to keep up. I'm having the thought that if I don't figure out who I am, I will be left behind. I'm having the thought that I can't show myself around other people when I'm like this. I feel a sinking sensation in my chest. It makes me want to stop trying. It makes me want to hide until it goes away.

3:05pm

What I'm "changing" right now is instead of giving into the urges to scroll twitter, turn on a Twitch stream, or join a discord VC to distract myself, I'm sticking to nothing but music to occupy me while I do my afternoon work. These urges I have aren't things I really want to do, they are just a means to escape how I feel about myself right now. I trick myself sometimes by thinking it's always a good thing to be around people, it means I'm growing a relationship with them. But that might not be true. I struggle to put my heart into most people so spending time with them is more of a chore than anything and because of that I think nothing is really grown or nourished. The truth is right now I feel inadequate and am very likely to self sabotage any activity I pursue. Maybe I just need to sit with myself until I'm in a state more ready to take action.

11:15pm

First of all I'm late to bed because I felt the need to take care of myself more out of stress relief than anything. Probably shouldn't have just because of how late it is. I think really I just wanted to feel something good today.

I had turkey spam, green beans and carrots, and spicy ramen for breakfast. It's one of my favorites. I set up the Vortex mod manager so I can start looking into Starfield mods. I was a little late to stream because I was deciding whether or not I wanted to stream today at all and I decided to which I regretted. I just didn't want to interact today, I felt upset at myself for lots of things and didn't want to show it. Work went VERY slow and my stepdad called me out to help him move big logs halfway through which was annoying. I do like the manual labor sometimes though. I stopped my stream halfway through and very slowly finished it off stream, although I still did it within the maximum time frame. I felt terrible for my performance today.

I cleaned up a little my putting away my clothes and taking the garbage out/cleaning the garbage area. I have a bad habit of half assing cleaning surfaces, I'm learning to do it more properly which does take more time. So I did that and felt pretty good about it. Lunch was fish sticks with mac n cheese and a pear cup. I watched some Chris Chan during my lunch break.

The request today was from someone who had lied to me about their age awhile back in a dangerous way but they are of age now and are a patreon of mine. Today Daisy mentioned how I should have blocked them whenever that happened and I should have, even my friend Bramble said that closer to the time it happened. I wish I did too but I was in an interesting place where I was trying not to cross my business and personal life. Obviously in hindsight even my business should not be associated with someone like that but at the time I had cut them from my social life and allowed them to come back when they turned 18 to start paying me for art again if they wanted. In the end it kinda worked out but I do still feel weird about having them around. But they only talk to me as an artist, I have no desire to actually hang out with them.

I made good progress on this old MLP pic of mine again, it should be done tomorrow. I'm trying to start a new habit where I specify the project I'm going to work on earlier in the day so that I'm not left choosing when the time comes.

After work I played some Starfield until Daisy wanted to play Just Dance. It was a short session because we were so tired. Then we hopped into my server VC which I was looking forward to until a very annoying guy joined and the uncomfortable individual I just wrote about. Daisy wanted me to stream Mother 3 for her which I was happy to do even though I was just grinding the same enemies over and over for awhile. I didn't have anything else I wanted to do specifically so it was okay. The call sucked though because those 2 guys where giving me a headache and wouldn't shut up for half the time. I barely said anything the whole time.

Daisy and I chatted a little bit while she was in bed afterwards. I opened up a little bit about how things have gotten more intense lately and how scary it is, but in a good way. I feel relieved that it's being talked about in this capacity finally, it's like I've been holding myself back because I didn't know if my feelings were being reciprocated as much as they are. I still don't feel like that but that's either because I still need to process it or its my long term issue of self doubt. Either way I consciously know what is true and that gives me the opportunity to make myself believe it.

Today I was very moody in general. I was frustrated and sad at a lot of things. In general I feel like I'm not making as much progress as I want. I've literally failed in the sense that I haven't done a good job of refining my behavior to invoke actual change. I'm still chilling in my comfort zone and I know I am. In some ways I'm afraid to take action and get better because any change is scary to me. Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it even trying because again I think it's impossible for me to be good.

My current formula is to keep trying anything I think of to see it's effects. It's been a lot of experimentation which brings a lot of failure but I cant lose sight that anything I try will teach me something. My current priority of sticking to my schedule and finishing certain projects is being undermined by my lack of self praise for actually doing these things. I think I need to redirect my focus from just getting things done to realizing what I have gotten done. I tend to do things and move on like I never even did them. It's no wonder I feel bad basically convincing myself that I did nothing of note when I actually did.

Another one of my ideas to try is to make a hierarchy of sorts for the kinds of things I can do and the requirements that precede them. To most people this would seem weird and maybe it is but I might be autistic af and this might be my solution. I need to write things down for later or else I will always forget it and repeat the same cycles over and over again.

Edit: I meant to add noting at least one positive thing I did today to counter how I always evaluate my negative thoughts in the morning. Today despite feeling so bad, I did get my schedule done in it's entirety which is impressive. Hours of work got done.

[ulteriorm0tiv3s]

hey it’s october!! i’m gonna be trying to do writetober so stay tuned!! i’ll also be posting a late birthday fic for dark choco so stay tuned for that as well :}, also it’s technically october 2nd now but i started this on the 1st so it still counts + sorry if this isn’t the best, i kinda rushed on it (help me it’s 11:58 and i’m just now posting this crying rn)

🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃🪴🎃

the dead leaves crunched on the ground as you wandered around the pumpkin patch, or…what seemed like a pumpkin patch? there weren’t any signs that stated it exactly was a pumpkin patch. but there were pumpkins everywhere, and you did walk like an hour to get here; so you weren’t leaving without a pumpkin. crouching down to get a better look at the pumpkins, you noticed how well the pumpkins were taken care of. they were pretty much the most perfect pumpkins you’ve ever seen. ‘who could’ve planted these?’ you thought to yourself. suddenly, you heard leaves crunching nearby. since it was night, your only instinct was to jump up and go hide somewhere. the crunching could’ve been an animal, but to stay safe, you just hid behind a tree.

“i hope clover cookie’s animal friends didn’t get into my pumpkins again…” you heard a voice sigh. you popped your head from behind the tree to see where the voice was coming from. you saw a stranger searching through the pumpkin patch, and he had a flashlight. you shuffled back to your original spot behind the tree, hoping the stranger wouldn’t find you. but alas, it was fall. so every time you moved, the leaves coating the grass would crunch. the flashlight that the stranger was holding shined in your direction. your heart started to beat at a really fast pace, you were scared and didn’t know what to do. you just froze and stood there. the footsteps of the stranger drew closer until…

“ah..hello…?” you looked down at the stranger, and he looked back at you. he was…a lot shorter than he looked from far away. however, you were still scared. you didn’t want to get your ass kicked for trespassing. you expected him to scold you for trespassing or something, but instead, he sounded a bit concerned, “are you alright? it’s chilly out here and you don’t have a sweater on.” you really weren’t expecting this stranger to have such concern for you. you cleared your throat before speaking, “uhm..i’m fine, thank you.”

“you can come inside my cottage for a bit, it’s late at night and chilly, no cookie should be out here,” the stranger offered. well, it was pretty chilly. and he was allowing you to come into his home, it felt cruel to decline such an offer. after thinking for a few seconds, you nod your head. “alright! follow me,” the stranger started to walk towards his cottage, beckoning you to follow. you noticed how careful the stranger was around any plant, he made sure not to step on anything, even a small flower. strange, he’s just very passionate about plants, you assume.

when you arrive at the cottage, you admire the structure of it; long strands of ivy creeped up the sides, and many small gardens were around the building. even potted plants sat on the large porch. there were also a few small ponds too. you and the stranger walked into the cottage. “wait here, i’ll bring you some tea,” the stranger excused himself into the kitchen. you sat down on one of the chairs in the living room, it was pretty comfy; you felt a lot warmer than you did outside. a few minutes later, the stranger came back with a small cup of tea, slowly handing it to you. “thank you,” you hummed as you accepted the cup. the stranger just smiles warmly at you as he sits in the chair next to yours.

“oh, i’ve yet to introduce myself. my name is herb cookie!” he grinned as he extended his hand towards you. “(y/n), and uh, sorry about trespassing,” you awkwardly reply, whilst shaking herb cookie’s hand. “no need to worry about it. how did you find my little pumpkin garden though? it’s not exactly a public area,” he asked you.

“well, i was just walking through the forest. then i saw a few squirrels feasting on a fresh pumpkin, and decided to walk around until i found your patch,” you explained, slowly sipping your tea afterwards. herb cookie nodded, “i see…i guess clover cookie’s animal friends did get to the pumpkins after all.” hm, you didn’t see any cookies on your way here. so, out of curiosity, you ask, “who’s clover cookie?” “clover cookie is my brother! he lives here with me,” herb cookie replied. ‘huh, brother. i wonder if they look the same,’ you pondered to yourself.

you and herb cookie chatted for awhile. it was now around midnight, and you were getting a bit tired. herb cookie noticed this and let you stay in one of his guest rooms.

you ended up staying the night there, and honestly, you slept surprisingly well. and in the morning, herb cookie made biscuits for breakfast. plus you even got to meet clover cookie. you, herb cookie, and clover cookie chatted for a bit; until it was time for you to go home. before you left, herb cookie stopped you, “i know you came here to get a pumpkin, so you can have one of mine!” you looked at him, confused on why he’d let you have one. herb cookie obviously cared deeply about his plants. so why did he let you have one. “you’ve been an amazing guest, so you can have one! another gift from me,” he smiled cheerfully. you smile back, grateful for your new friend.

when you got home, you turned the pumpkin into a little plant pot, to symbolize your new friend.