#its going to be as bad as the 4th of july though

[shaun-is-totally-sus]

So glad it's almost new years

[lovebugism]

can i request something with a reader who’s just really into steve’s scoops ahoy uniform?

hi, my love! thanks so much for your request!! what better way to celebrate july 4th (aka stranger things 3 day) than by commemorating steve harrington in his scoops ahoy uniform? tw for smut mdni!! (2.1k)

bug's summer fic fest ♡

When Steve told you he got a job slinging ice cream at the mall downtown, you didn’t think much of it. 

In fact, you spent the better part of that conversation comforting him. It was an existential crisis of sorts, wherein he’d spun himself into a panic about not going to college, not being successful, and not providing for you in the way that partners are supposed to. 

You figured it was a bruise to the ego more than anything — especially with his asshole father constantly looming over his shoulder. A steady reminder of what he could’ve been in ways more daunting than just one.

But then he showed you the Scoops Ahoy mandated uniform, held it in his hands with all the boyish reluctance of a child. According to him, the bright blue sailor’s outfit was the most dehumanizing thing of it all. It even came with its own stupid hat. 

You were so turned on by the idea of him wearing it, you forgot you were supposed to be consoling him. You quickly forgot why the job was ever a bad idea in the first place. Steve, albeit a bit confused by your sudden giddiness, was more excited to go into work the following Monday when he knew you were visiting him the first chance you got.

You’re practically skipping when you walk into Scoops, skirt swishing around your thighs. It was later in the morning, which meant business was relatively slow. There’s an older couple sharing a sundae at one of the booths, but other than that, you’re the only customer in the store.

Steve stands at the register with a smile on his face he doesn’t know is there. He’s been a real grouch all morning, but he’s forgotten why at the sight of you.

You beam at him, propping your elbows on the counter and putting your chin in your hands. “Do the line,” you gush.

His chest inflates with a deep breath in, then deflates with a sharp exhale. You don’t even notice that it’s a sigh of annoyance at first, too focused on the scarlet tie around his shoulders and the tufts of chest hair peeking out from the top of it.

“Ahoy, sweetheart,” he greets, still grinning despite his lack of enthusiasm. He tilts his head to his shoulder and recites his line: “‘Welcome to Scoops Ahoy. Would you like to set sail on this ocean of flavor with me today? I’ll be your captain’— How was that?” 

“Even better in uniform,” you marvel in a lilt. Then you squint at him. “I better be the only customer you’re using that sweetheart line on, though, Harrington.”

Steve scoffs like the thought of saying it to anyone else is appalling. “I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in the world I’ve ever called sweetheart, sweetheart.”

“Good. I plan on it staying that way.”

The boy smiles to himself. 

He likes when you get all possessive. Maybe because he spent the majority of his past relationships having to be the jealous one — always worried about never being good enough, being left. He likes how confident he is in the fact that you only have eyes for him. Even if he is wearing a stupid sailor’s uniform. 

“What do you what, huh?” the boy asks as he pulls out his metal scoop from the apron tied around his hips. “Choco-mint with chocolate sprinkles?”

He’s already spooning the green ice cream onto a cone for you before you say a word. You like that you never have to tell him what you want, that he knows you like the back of his hand already. 

“Ooh. He looks good in a sailor’s outfit, and he’s attentive?” you singsong lowly. “I think you might be a keeper, Steve Harrington.”

The boy rolls his eyes as he turns away from you. He walks to the opposite wall, where several containers of variously colored sprinkles sit in a large tub. When he bends over to smother your cone in the chocolate kind, the white hem of his shorts climbs up his thighs. You almost forget to breathe.  

Steve turns around to catch you staring. You don’t even blink.

“Stop ogling at me,” he laughs with pink cheeks. “It’s getting weird, babe.”

Your brows pinch. “Why is it weird to look at my boyfriend?”

“Because your boyfriend looks like an idiot. Like, this should not be turning you on, sweetheart.”

“The heart wants what it wants, Stevie,” you shrug with a whimsical sigh.

He meets your smirk with a half-hearted scowl and passes you the ice cream cone. When your tongue darts out to taste it, his brain malfunctions for a moment. “Seriously, babe,” he scoffs when his senses return to him. “What about any of this is attractive to you?”

Your head tilts as you scan his muscular form, looking far more boyish than usual in his flamboyant uniform. “Well, for starters, those ankle socks are strangely sexy—”

Steve snorts at the offbeat start to your list.

“—And your thighs look delectable in those shorts. Your arms do, too. You’ve been working out so much, they barely fit in those sleeves,” you compliment. The corner of your mouth quirks into a half-smile as your eyes flit up to his hair. “Also, something about the hat and ascot combo is really doing it for me.”

Robin comes out of the break room then. The door swishes back and forth. “You could’ve just said everything and be done with it,” she grouses as she clumsily sits her white cap on her head.

She looks about as grumpy as Steve, like something about the linoleum tile and fluorescent lighting is sucking the lives out of the two of them.

“Don’t worry. You look hot too, Buckley,” you promise with a smirk.

Her head tilts sweetly to the side as she musters a grin of her own. “Thank you.”

You turn back to Steve with an expectant gaze. “When do you go on break again?”

He twists his wrist to check his watch as you take another lick of your ice cream cone. 

Robin answers for him. “Now, preferably.”

“What?” the boy asks with furrowed brows. “I still have, like, fifteen minutes left.”

“Just go fuck and get it over with,” she groans, ocean-blue eyes wide and pleading. “I can practically smell the sexual tension radiating off both of you.”

Steve wants to argue, but you only smile. You nod your head towards the exit. “C’mon, sailor.”

He has no choice but to follow behind you. He’s been doing it for years now, and you haven’t disappointed him once. You lead him by his hand through the bustling mall, chucking your half-eaten cone into the bin when you reach the entrance.

Steve isn’t surprised when you wind up at his car in the employee parking section. He swirls with a boyish excitement, anyway. 

Everything feels so new with you. 

Even the things he’s done a thousand times.

Including, but not limited to, fucking you in the backseat of his car.

You’re on him the second you shut the door behind you. Your skirt bunches at your hips as you straddle his thighs, kissing him with the intent to swallow him whole.

Steve’s hands are limp at his sides in shock. It leaves you doing most of the work yourself, pulling down his blue shorts and gray underwear in one fell swoop. You tuck the hem of them beneath his heavy balls and half-hard cock.

His head falls back against the seat when you start fisting him completely stiff.

You twist your wrist in the way you know he likes — squeezing him towards the top before falling to the stem of his cock again. Your thumb swipes over his bulbous head to collect the pearly pre-come beading there. 

If you had enough room in the backseat of his Beamer, you might’ve forgone the sex entirely and just taken him into your mouth right then.

Steve’s rosy mouth falls agape to billow pretty little moans for you. You tug on the red tie around his neck to get his attention again. His glazed-over, honey eyes flutter open to find your smirking face. 

“Can I take a ride on your ocean of flavor, Stevie?” you tease with a mischievous glint in your eye.

“It’s ‘set sail,’ but yeah— shit,” he swears when your thumb grazes his leaking tip again. “Of course, you can, sweetheart…”

With his consent, you grip the bottom of his cock, pushing your panties to the side to line him with your pulsating entrance. He might’ve asked if you wanted a little preparation first, but when his silky head grazes your satin walls, he knows you’re more than wet.

Your pussy’s already drooling all over him, and he isn’t even inside you yet. 

The both of you exhale low moans when you finally slip him within you. Your walls are warm and wet — the softest velvet imaginable, and perfectly snug around his achingly hard cock. You keep your fingers wrapped around the tie on his chest, using it for leverage as you grind your hips back and forth over his thighs. 

Steve goes pussy drunk almost instantly, babbling like crazy at the feeling of your cunt sucking him further and further inside of you.

“Oh, my fucking god, baby,” he moans, the words sounding stiff as they spill from his tightening throat. “You feel so good. So tight, too— Shit. Pussy’s drooling all over me, sweetheart.”

He can’t see you from this angle — can’t see the way your dripping cunt takes him so well or the way your ass glides perfectly over his heavy balls. But he can picture it, can feel your slick drenching his pubic hair and happy trail.

He so desperately wishes it were possible to fuck you with his cock and have you ride his face at the same time. His mouth waters at the thought of tasting you.

But this is good for now. 

This is perfect.

With the energy he’s got left from his drifting senses, he grips the plush of your ass. He spreads your flesh apart, and the feeling of his fingers digging into your skin makes you clench around him. He almost loses it, then — when the smacking of your thighs and the wet squelch of your drenched pussy fills the small car, going slowly cloudy with your entwining heavy breaths.

“You’re so hot, Stevie,” you manage through labored pants. Your heavy-lidded gaze threatens to close, but you don’t want to stop looking at the boy below you. You want to commit all his features to memory — his pink kiss-bitten mouth, reddened cheeks, and honeyed eyes. You want the image of his fucked-out features to stain your mind forever.

“God, babe,” he sighs breathlessly, a moan mixed with a soft laugh. “I still don’t— I really don’t get it, sweetheart.”

“Are you seriously complaining?” you smirk as you glide your hips over his thighs again. 

Your swollen clit catches the polyester of the bottom of his shirt. You swear your eyes cross as your mouth opens in a low keen.

When your pussy clenches at the ethereal feeling, his cock jerk within your tightening velvet. Both of you are nearing your orgasms full throttle now. You can almost taste the sweet vanilla of your climax.

“No. Fuck no, I’m not complaining,” he assures with a shake of his head. “You’re just really fucking confusing and really fucking hot... Fuck—”

His head falls back again, exposing the golden tendons of his neck. You’d bite at them if you could stop looking at him. You smile even though he’s not looking at you — even though your thighs are burning and your knee is digging into the seat belt latch. “I can’t wait to fuck you when you get off.”

“Yeah?” he hums, eyes still halfway closed.

“Yeah,” you repeat with a nod, still rocking against his lap while his cock rubs relentlessly at the deepest parts of you. Your clit catches his shirt with every pass of your hips, sending a white-hot feeling of nearly unbearable pleasure shooting up your spine. “So I can get a real good look at you while you fuck me in this uniform.”

Steve squeezes his eyes shut as his jaw clenches. He tries not to come at the sound of your voice and how the words spill like honey from your mouth. 

Despite the less-than-ideal location — at the edges of a mostly empty lot — he doesn’t want this to be over quite yet. He wants to feel you gush on his cock over and over and over again. He’s afraid he won’t be able to focus on work until you do.

If he knew that slinging ice cream for three dollars an hour in a stupid sailor’s outfit would drive you this crazy, he would’ve dropped out of school and put in an application forever ago. 

[makuro-ua]

Pssst, uh!!

I’m unsure if you do kinda hurt comfort-y esque stuff? But in the case you do, I wanted to mmmaybe request smthn with Wally?

Mainly just uhh,, a reader that. like. tends to isolate themselves when they get in a funk. they just kinda slowly withdraw more and more. maybe just,, like,, smthn of him checking up on said reader as he notices them slowly not being present more and more? Comfort stuff, blaahh (could be platonic or romantic!!- I don’t mind either)

I hope you have a lovely day!!!

Wally Darling x Isolated! GN! Reader

“Shh… Take a few deep breaths.”

Warnings : Tiny angst, reader collapsing, and reader isolating themselves until they’re sick. Platonic or Romantic?: Can be read as both. {———————————————————————————}

It was a normal day at the neighborhood, and you were having a moment with Julie and the others.

Julie had set up an idea for everyone in the neighborhood, and that was for everyone to share their games with others. 

Julie held a fashion competition as her game, Frank held a butterfly catching contest— you name it.

Of course, you had your own game too. 

When that day came and everyone began playing the activities one by one, you kept embarrassing yourself during the games even though the others insisted it was okay.

I mean, you mistook a belt for a scarf at Julie’s fashion competition and tripped so many times at Frank’s butterfly catching contest to the point he’d tell you to sit back and relax.

Of course, Frank had to patch you up after his game before proceeding to Sally’s game.

These mistakes of yours continued on as the day went and you felt absolutely humiliated and embarrassed.

Everyone was having fun, but you felt upset about yourself for making so many mistakes.

You felt worthless for not being able to do such simple tasks the others set up for their game, and you felt bad that the other neighbors had to spend their time worrying about you while they were having fun.

Since you noticed they were getting worried, you decided to shake your head and smile at them, giving them a small ‘It’s okay! I’ll be fine.’ each time they ask you if you’ll be okay.

At afternoon, it was Wally’s turn to conduct his game.

You didn’t show up.

Wally noticed this. He asked the others where you were, and they told him that you just decided to go home early because you had to feed your new pet rock.

Pet rock?

Both you and Wally were close enough to know that you didn’t have a pet.

Unless you didn’t tell him, that’d sort of hurt his feelings.

But either way, Wally decided to continue his game, which was a painting competition. He thinks you needed rest after the small incidents you went through today.

Wally decided to paint you for his game and give it to you tomorrow.

The next day, he noticed you hadn’t come out your house until it was around midday.

When he tried talking to you, your voice was slightly raspy and the area around your eyes were slightly red.

Were you crying?

He was about to ask if you were okay, but you quickly ended the conversation and walked to your house as quickly as you can. 

The next day passed, and Wally asked the others if they noticed you.

They said that they saw you through the day sometimes. This confused Wally because he hasn’t even seen you.

Its been a week. After the 4th day, you were gone.

Wally decided that this was enough and knocked on your door.

“Neighbor? I know you’re there. Are you okay?”

No answer.

Wally doesn’t think you’re okay— but he tells himself that he shouldn’t think too soon and keep calm.

But you’ve been gone for days.

Ever since the game activity with the neighborhood, you’ve been acting strange.

That day, he noticed how your eyes would glisten whenever you’d mess up the activities. He was mostly staring at you the whole day, and usually you’d notice— but you looked too upset to even look back at him.

He knocked again. No answer.

“[Y/N]?… It’s Wally. Wally Darling, your friend.”

It took a few minutes, and he was about to give up and walk away until he heard the door unlock and open slightly.

You peeked through the door.

Wally looked at you, noticing how puffy your eyes were and how there were dark circles under your eyes.

You were a mess.

“Hi, Wally.”

Your voice sounded so tired

H took note of how you were trying to hold yourself up against the door.

“My dear, what—“

The short puppet was about to ask what happened to you, but you immediately collapsed against the door. 

Wally reached out through the small crack in the door and grabbed your arm before you would hit the floor.

“[Y/N]?”

You were sleeping.

He fully opened your door and attempted to carry you. These were times where Wally wished he’d be a bit taller than you so that he’d be able to carry you properly.

Gosh, you were burning up.

The state of your house was slightly messy, but he heads to your living room and gently laid  you on the couch.

Wally put his palm over your forehead. You were REALLY warm.

He sighed and prepared a bucket of cold water and a wet towel.

Wally put it over your head, and put a blanket over you.

By the time you woke up, you were about to sit up and panic until you heard someone call out across the couch your were laying in.

“Don’t move. You’re sick, dear. What happened?” 

Wally? why was he here?

You listened to him and relaxed your body.

“Good. Just relax yourself, dear. What happened to you?” 

You couldn’t respond well, since thinking about the events of last week made your heart ache.

You tried to restrain yourself from crying, really.

“[Y/N]?…”

You finally broke down into silent tears.

Wally walked towards you and gestured you sit up.

He sat down next to you and gently placed your head down his lap.

“Shh, it’s okay— take a few deep breaths.” 

The puppet man wiped your tears and gently massaged your scalp so that you’d calm down better as you were taking deep breaths.

Once you calmed down, Wally listened to your thoughts and how you felt too embarrassed to show up around the neighborhood after the game activity from last week.

“Oh, [Y/N]…”

Wally lets out a few chuckles before looking down at you with half lidded eyes.

He gave you a sad smile.

“You know, I’ve been around here for long to know that our neighbors are nice and are willing to accept new people with open arms. Like how they did with you when you first moved in.”

“But dear, no matter the mistakes or embarrassments you make, they’d never think of you in an ill matter. In fact, they’re very grateful of you and respect you in many ways.”

You sniffled as he went along with his talk, his comforting voice making the weight on your shoulders lessen and lessen, until you felt better.

Wally sang you a small song in case you were still crying, and when you did— he gave you a smile.

“It’s all gonna be okay.”

{——————————————————}

A/N : Hi anon! I hope I got this one right. I had fun with this one, and I hope this was a good read for everyone! as always, thank you for reading!

[manygeese]

16

scenes from an italian restaurant - billy joel

A bottle of red, a bottle of white

Whatever kind of mood you're in tonight

I'll meet you anytime you want

In our Italian restaurant

Jason fiddled with the edge of the red and white tablecloth, keeping one of his wrists up on the table so he could read the time on his watch.

6:00 PM.

He had been waiting for Leo fifteen minutes now, trying not to tap his foot on the tile floor but doing it anyway. The click, click, clicking sound was drowned out amongst the chatting of the other guests. His eyes darted up, leaving the table for one second in hopes of seeing his best friend (date! Leo was his date now) sliding into the seat across from him and making up a crazy story about how Festus got held up in traffic or something. As far as he knew, there were no traffic jams in the sky, but maybe he had run into an airplane. Or a helicopter. Or a drone. Or a kite.

Point was, Leo was late, and Jason never claimed to be a calm and collected man.

Jason had finally gotten the nerve to ask his friend out after multiple pep talks from Piper, Percy, Nico, and probably a good 70% of his friends and acquaintances as a whole. Things had gone smoothly, and Jason had thankfully stopped himself before he recited a love poem. Well, Leo had stopped him, but Jason wasn’t upset about it because it was with the words “I’d love to go on a date with you, Jason!”

Jason had suggested what Nico had suggested- an Italian restaurant on the edge of the city. Leo had eagerly accepted and they had set it up for 5:45 the following day.

6:01 PM.

Leo was late, sure, but he was always late, right? Hell, the guy had been late to his own birthday party this year. He had been late to every one of his SAT practice tests and still passed it. He had been late to the 4th of July fireworks and still managed to look gorgeous under the lights, though Jason suspected he would have been pretty even if he had arrived a whole month after it had ended. He could be late for a date. Totally.

He tapped his foot a little faster.

What had Leo been doing before the date? Jason had attempted to pick him up ten minutes early, thinking it would be romantic if he could fly Leo himself, but Nyssa had answered the door instead with an uncharacteristically mischievous grin. “It’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding,” she explained before she slammed the door in his face.

He could have sworn he heard Drew and Piper yelling in the background, something about eyeshadow. Look better with a shimmer this, green wouldn’t look good that, what about orange, so on and so forth.

Come to think of it, why had they been arguing about eyeshadow anyways? It wasn’t unusual to find the two daughters of Aphrodite in the Hephaestus Cabin, as Piper was Leo’s best friend and Drew was Nyssa’s girlfriend, but they would never argue about makeup of all things. Piper was happy to let Drew take the lead on nearly all cases, except for when they were playing Pretty Pretty Princess and Drew tried to do eyeliner on Leo when he won. Piper kept correcting her form (incorrectly, Jason might add), adding snarky comments about the evenness, and it almost led to a full-on brawl-

Wait.

Were… were they doing Leo’s makeup?

Jason’s fears (read: hopes and dreams) were confirmed when Leo slid into the seat across from him, exactly like he pictured he would. But he now had a little bit of gold eyeshadow around the corner of his eyes, accompanied by glittering bronze at its side and a dash of smoky brown opposite it. And was that tinted gloss on his lips or was Jason in Elysium?

So distracted by the barely coherent thought of he’s got makeup on, oh my gods he has makeup on, he nearly missed the words coming out of Leo’s mouth (yup, he definitely had lipgloss on). “Sorry I’m late, Piper decided she was the supreme lord of all makeup artists so she wouldn’t let me go until she got the eyeliner just right.” Ooh, eyeliner. A good excuse to gaze into Leo’s eyes longingly. Jason would have to get Leo to wear eyeliner more often.

“Y-you look great,” Jason managed. Should he have asked Nico for makeup tips? He knew the son of Hades could do a killer smoky eye. Jason doubted he could pull that off, though.

Leo giggled. Jason tried not to have a stroke (in a good way, were Leo to ask). “Thanks. You too, by the way. Loving the whole sitcom dad look.”

Jason cast a glance down at his light blue shirt and tan slacks. “I should have asked somebody other than Will for fashion advice.”

Leo snorted. Jason tried not to have a brain aneurysm. “You’re right. I would’ve told you to ask Piper, but I kinda stole her, didn’t I?”

“You can have Piper,” Jason blurted, “I only wanted you.”

Leo’s eyes widened and the corner of his mouth twitched up. Jason tried not to spontaneously combust- that was Leo’s job, and he took it very seriously considering the fact that his head promptly burst into flames.

Jason panicked for a solid five seconds before Leo shook his head like a dog trying to dry itself to put it out. His curls were a little out of place now, but Jason didn’t mind. It was a good look on Leo. Then again, he thought everything was a good look on Leo, even slightly smoky hair and slightly melted eyeshadow.

“You mean that?” Leo squeaked.

Jason nodded. “I would’ve wanted you even if I had to wait a decade for you to show up.”

Leo grinned. “That’s really sweet, Jace.”

Jason mirrored it. “Yeah, well, so are you.”

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: the party is at the Hopper-Byers house for the July 4th celebrations and Steve has a really bad nightmare caused by childhood trauma/abuse mixed in with Upside Down horror. He wakes up but is still lost in the nightmare + PTSD from the fireworks. Eddie can't calm him down. Nobody in the party can calm him down, he isn't fully awake. Its terrifying. What calms him down is Wayne, speaking in low tones about Garfield, and the weather and Eddie. He refuses to talk to anyone about the pleas and desperate sobs of "no..get off" & "leave me alone" but is extra clingy to Eddie & Wayne once he comes out of the flashback. It's also the 1st time he calls Wayne 'dad'

MY LOVE!!!!!! Sometimes I make myself cry so hard that I have to add the most ridiculous fluff to make it better. That's what's happened here. It's sad, it's hurt, but then it's so so so much comfort and fluff. I can't resist and I can't apologize. Plus you know supportive Wayne is like MY BRAND. Steve calling him dad? Jesus the tears I let out. I'm actually a pretty firm believer that at some point over the years, Eddie started calling him dad because he was a better one than his own ever was. Hope you all cry in a good way with this. - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------------------

Steve went to bed a while ago, his head hurting a bit too much to handle the fireworks show that Hopper and Jonathan were putting on. Eddie went with him, though he wasn’t tired, at Robin’s insistence.

She’d given him a look that said enough.

They’d all been dreading this day, at least a little, because of Starcourt the year before.

Steve was asleep in Will’s bed, curled up against Eddie’s side, breathing even.

Until it wasn’t.

Until his hands were gripping Eddie’s shirt like it was a lifeline, his feet started kicking like he was running from something.

He was whimpering in his sleep, clearly terrified of something, but Eddie couldn’t be sure what.

Steve tended to have a wide variety of nightmares: reminders of his childhood traumas, reminders of the Upside Down and Russians, and terrible visions of something that would hopefully never be the future.

They all caused him to struggle to wake up, and usually he was crying uncontrollably for hours when he finally did.

Eddie tried to prop himself up slightly, ready to try to hold Steve as still as he could.

Steve fought him off though, mumbling something in his sleep.

Eddie let him, knew better than to actively attempt waking him up during a nightmare.

He kept a hand on him, adjusting as Steve shifted in the bed. Trying to talk to him quietly, barely whispering reassurances that he was safe and loved and everyone would protect him.

Sometimes that worked. It wasn’t quite enough to wake him up from it, but he’d calm down and drift back into a mostly dreamless sleep.

Not this time.

He started sobbing, tears streaming down his cheeks from his still-closed eyes. He wasn’t quite tossing and turning, but he was moving enough that Eddie didn’t want to stay too close just in case either of them ended up hurt.

It killed him, but he put space between them.

“Eddie, no!”

Eddie flinched at the despair in Steve’s voice.

He heard a knock on the door, but couldn’t pull himself completely away to open it, so he yelled for them to come in.

Robin and Max were at the door with wide eyes, Dustin and Will standing behind them.

“Is he okay?” Robin started as she walked in.

“He’s having a nightmare.”

“Why can we not just wake him up?” El asked curiously.

“He wakes up on his own. If you try to wake him up he could accidentally hurt you.”

“But he is hurting,” she said, deep frown settling on her features as she watched Steve moving in bed.

Robin sat down on the edge of the bed just as a firework went off in the backyard, making her jump.

Steve’s eyes shot open, and he stopped moving.

But he wasn’t awake.

“Please stop. I can’t-“ Steve’s voice was pained, like he was being tortured.

“Hey, why don’t you rugrats go get Joyce or Hop or something?”

The kids hesitated, clearly not wanting to leave Steve even for a moment, but finally all turned to grab an adult from the firework show.

Joyce came in only a minute later, eyes wide and searching.

“Steve?” She asked as she got close to the bed, watching his open eyes crying silently now. “Sweetie, can you hear me?”

“This only happened once when I was around. He’s like, lost in the nightmare. He says when this happens is when he can physically feel what’s happening instead of just picturing it.”

“Bless his heart,” Joyce sighed. “Do you know what the nightmares are?”

“They’re different all the time,” Eddie said quietly.

“No, not her! I’m the one you want, right?” Steve yelled suddenly.

Everyone jumped and Steve and Robin shared a long glance.

“Maybe the Russians? We’ve had a lot of reminders today.”

Joyce placed a hand on his face to wipe his tears, but Steve flinched and curled himself into a ball.

“No, no, no,” he repeated.

“It’s okay, honey. It’s Joyce. We’re all gonna keep you safe,” she said softly, her hand still stroking through his hair.

She was trying to comfort him, but it seemed like the touch just made things worse. After another minute, she pulled her hand away and Eddie could see she was fighting back tears.

He put his hand on her shoulder as he heard a few more people come in.

“It’s okay. When he wakes up, he’ll be happy to know you tried,” Eddie said, though at this point, he figured if Steve knew that everyone was watching him have a nightmare, he’d be embarrassed at best, ashamed at worst.

“Maybe we should give him space,” Max suggested from the corner.

She suffered from terrible nightmares, too. She hated sleepovers now, usually chose to take the guest room of Steve’s house instead of on the floor in the living room with everyone just in case she had one. El would sometimes go with her, but most of the time, Max preferred being alone.

Steve was similar in that he usually hated anyone trying to take care of him, but Eddie and Robin usually didn’t give him a choice.

“Max is right,” Hopper said from the door, though he looked just as concerned as Joyce. “If he wakes up to all of us standing around him, he’s just gonna feel worse.”

“Let me get in there,” Wayne mumbled from behind Hopper.

Wayne had never seen Steve’s nightmares firsthand, just heard recounts of them from Eddie, but he’d felt terrible for the boy. He had his own share of nightmares from the war, and wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

Eddie and Wayne shared a look, one that had Eddie moving so Wayne could sit on the bed with Steve instead.

“Alright, everyone but Wayne and Eddie out!” Hopper said just loud enough to make a point.

Wayne wasn’t paying attention to everyone leaving, too focused on reading the situation at hand and preparing for whatever it might take to get Steve out of it.

“He ever punch when he’s in a nightmare?” He asked Eddie as he sat down close to him.

“Only once with Robin, then she learned to leave enough space that she could get up if he started throwing his hands around. It’s happened to me a couple times because I don’t want to leave him alone.”

“Alright, just stay right there for a few minutes. I’m gonna try to hold his wrists so I know if he’s gonna punch.”

“You aren’t restraining him, right? He doesn’t like to be restrained,” Eddie started nervously chewing on his hair.

“No, son. Not restraining. I’m gonna let him go if he starts to push against me, but it’s just so I know when he’s gonna start throwin’ his hands around.”

Eddie nodded and watched as Wayne sat back against the headboard of the bed and pulled Steve completely into his lap.

Steve wasn’t fighting it, but he was letting out little “no, no, no”’s until Wayne got him completely settled with his head against his chest, ear pressed to his heartbeat.

“Alright, bud, we’re gonna get you through this. You and me, kid. Just us. I’ve got you right here, you hear my heart? I got you.” Eddie watched as Steve’s crying continued to get worse. “Oh! You know that stupid Garfield mug? Broke the handle on it again. Damn thing seems like it’s giving up for good. I’ll have to steal the one you keep at the house.”

Steve’s whimpering was a bit quieter, his body relaxing a little more into Wayne.

“Tomorrow’s s’posed to be nice, maybe we should head out to the lake and fish. Leave Eddie behind, he scares the fish,” Wayne smirked over at Eddie, who was only holding back a comment because he was still too worried about Steve.

Steve was now silently crying, and Eddie knew he was probably closer to awake than asleep.

“I know you’ll probably say Eddie’s welcome, but that kid don’t shut up. Don’t know how you put up with him. Of my two boys, I’d much rather take you fishin’ and take Ed to a bar.”

Eddie bit his lip at the implication that Steve was one of Wayne’s boys. He knew Wayne adored Steve, but didn’t realize he was ready to adopt him as his own.

“There you are, bud. You awake?” Wayne was talking softer than Eddie had ever heard, and when he looked at Steve, he realized why.

Steve had finally managed to wake up completely, and his whole body was shivering, more from fear than being cold.

Eddie still found a blanket at the end of the bed and covered him, watching as Wayne mouthed a quick thank you over Steve’s head.

“You want me to keep talkin’?” Wayne asked.

Steve nodded.

“You got it, though this is more what Eddie’s good at. Ya know the first night he lived with me, I couldn’t get him to even say hello? Poor kid was like Bambi, didn’t trust anyone or anything, big brown eyes watching every breath I took until he was in his room. The next day I woke him up with pancakes, the recipe you like most with the cinnamon apples, and he hasn’t shut up since.”

Steve let out a breath that could have been a laugh if he wasn’t coming down from one of the worst nightmares Eddie’s seen him have.

Wayne’s hands were running along his arm and back, comforting and keeping him warm.

“Maybe we can head back to the house, I can make us those pancakes in the morning before we go fishin’. That sound good, kid?”

“Yeah, dad.”

Eddie’s eyes widened, and he saw Wayne’s hands freeze.

Then Steve was trying to pull away, his eyes shining with unshed tears that hadn’t been there a moment ago.

But Wayne pulled him back, held him against his chest and placed a kiss to the top of his head.

“I’m not lettin’ you go yet, son. Not unless you would rather be with Ed.”

Steve shook his head.

Eddie didn’t take offense to it, he was with Steve all the time and he knew Wayne was the best at giving support in times like this.

“You wanna talk about it?”

“What?”

“Anything.”

Steve shook his head.

“You ever talk about it with anyone?”

Steve shook his head.

“You think you should?”

Steve nodded.

“I ever tell you about when I got back from Vietnam?”

Steve shook his head.

“Is it okay if Ed sits down on the bed with us? Maybe you can hold his hand.”

Thank every god for Wayne Munson. Eddie was practically crawling out of his skin with the need to have his hand on Steve, make sure he was really okay.

Steve nodded.

Eddie sat down on the other side of Wayne, letting his head rest against his shoulder while Steve propped his legs in his lap.

“Everyone cozy?”

“Mhm,” Steve said.

“Yeah,” Eddie replied.

“When I first got back, I couldn’t sleep at all. Sometimes I’d drift off in my chair when I got too tired, but I’d usually wake up so quick my body didn’t even know I fell asleep. That went on for months until Jim got back. He was so much younger than me, ya know? Didn’t seem right that he had to go through what I did. We met for lunch a few times, we talked. He didn’t have much to say, neither did I, but sometimes we had a story to share. And ya know, dammit if it didn’t help.”

Eddie remembers back when he first started living with Wayne how he would sometimes have Hopper over for dinner, but never explained how they even really knew each other until he was older. Even then, he didn’t say much except that they had a lot of similar war stories.

“Didn’t have the time or money for professional help, but sometimes just gettin’ stuff off your chest can help. Ya know, I cut back my hours at the plant. Don’t need to work all that overtime now that the government bought us a house and pays the bills on it. Kinda nice to just have some time for doin’ what I wanna do. Maybe we could start takin’ a few hours a week to go fishin’. Maybe have lunch at the diner and chat.”

Eddie could feel tears running down his face at Wayne’s offer, at how much he cared for Steve.

“You’d wanna do that with me?” Steve’s voice was shaking, and Eddie didn’t have to see his face to know he was crying.

“I’d love to, bud. You’re my kiddo, ya know? Just as much as Eddie is.”

Steve let out a sob, and curled further into Wayne’s chest. Eddie squeezed his knee, letting him know he was there if he needed him.

“I love ya, kid. You’re gonna be just fine, alright? Not gonna let anyone or anything hurt you.”

“Thanks, dad.”

“Anytime, kiddo.”

They stayed there for a while, probably close to an hour, Steve holding Eddie’s hand while Wayne talked to them both.

Eventually, everyone was heading home and Steve decided to head back with Wayne and Eddie instead of staying with the Byers as planned.

“Get some rest, honey. We love you,” Joyce wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as he said his goodbyes to everyone.

The ride back was quiet, Wayne driving them both in his truck, the radio playing old country the whole way home.

When they got home, Steve decided to take a quick shower before he went to bed, said he didn’t feel clean.

Wayne furrowed his brows, but nodded.

Eddie kissed him once on the forehead before letting him head to the bathroom.

Wayne turned to him when they heard the shower turn on, his face pained.

“Has he ever talked about his childhood?”

“Not much. Said he used to spend summers with his grandparents and cousins when his parents didn’t wanna take him with them. He hated it, but didn’t say much about it.”

Wayne looked, somehow, worse.

“Has he ever been scared to be touched? Even just a hug? Outside of the nightmares?”

Eddie nodded.

“I mean, not so much with me or Robin anymore, but sometimes with the others, yeah.”

Wayne put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a sad smile.

“It’s not my place to make assumptions, but I think he had plenty of good reasons to hate staying with his grandparents and cousins. Just promise me you’ll listen if he talks to ya? No interruptin’ or judgin’.”

“Of course. I love him, I don’t want him to hide stuff from me,” Eddie responded.

“I know. I love ya, kid.”

“Love ya too,” Eddie was slightly confused, but didn’t ask. Steve would be done soon in the shower and he wanted to make sure he had some of his clothes to wear to bed.

Wayne made his way to his own room, giving a quick knock to the bathroom door and yelling that he loved him. Eddie heard a “love you, dad” in response.

Eddie had viewed Wayne as his dad for years, had called him dad sometimes when he let his guard down a bit. Wayne just had the natural protective, caring personality that a good father has, and Steve wasn’t immune to it.

When Steve made it out of the shower, Eddie was pulling the extra blanket out of his closet for Steve to wrap himself in like he did anytime he had a nightmare.

Steve walked over to him, towel wrapped around his waist, and leaned against him.

Eddie let his hands rest on his hips, right where the towel rested.

“Doing okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

“Anytime.”

“Thanks for sharing Wayne with me.”

“Oh, angel, I don’t make that call. Wayne pretty much adopted you day one and I just had to let it happen,” Eddie smirked.

Steve giggled and kissed Eddie’s collarbone.

“I’m gonna talk to you about it all someday. I will. I promise.”

“No rush, sweet love. When you’re ready, though, I’m right here. So is Wayne.”

“I know. Love you.”

“Love you so much.”

As they fell asleep in Eddie’s bed that night, he realized what Wayne was alluding to and his heart broke into a million pieces. If he was right, then Steve had horrors unimaginable even before the Upside Down.

But Eddie would be here to listen to it when he was ready. He knew it would be hard to hear, but not nearly as hard as it had to be for Steve to live with.

And they both had Wayne, who wouldn’t let either of his boys hurt if he could help it.

[mossycoffee]

╔══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╗

July 5th, 2024

Good morning/afternoon/night

I know it's been a minute and my bad. I got swamped with life. I worked 73 hours my last pay period ( 73 hours in 2 weeks ) and normally I'm fine with that but it wasn't planned very well and was random so it drained me faster than normal. Helping the new store open and also trying to work at my home store was just a struggle. I also started school and its way more then I thought it was going to be. I mean it all makes sense but now that I've seen it i feel very stressed about it all. I mean I'm taking fast-track classes, so they are already condensed. Then I'm adding to that by taking summer classes that are only a month long. So I'm pretty stressed as of recently. ._.

back in May I had to take a food satfey test for my work and I sucked at studying for it but I thought I was going to get lucky and pass it anyways. Well thats actaully not the casse. I got the results back a couple days ago and i failed the stupid test. Im so fucking mad at myself for letting myself do that. I think the worst part is that I didnt find out myself and that my manger told me :/ I love my manger like hes not even my manger hes my friend that happens to be my manger at this point. After he told me though i started crying becuase i was holding onto so many emotions already and that kinda made me break. I just feel so stupid, and i already struggle so much with feeling like im not smart enough yknow?

Im not the type of person to celabrate holidays like the 4th of July but me and my friend got some drinks, and some fruit and we went swimming and it was a really nice time!! Fireworks started and i told her we should go sit on my roof so we can see them better, i also have a flat roof so its easy to climb onto and its easy to sit and relax. When i say i had so much fun just sitting up there? ugh it was amazing. I brought a little blanket and stuff and we chatted and watched the fireworks. After alittle my brother came home and joined us and hungout with us and we all talk for about 3 hours or so. Literally about everything it was so nice.

Anyways!! I got hella homework to do now

I hope everyone is having or had an amazing day! stay safe

╚══ஓ๑♡๑ஓ══╝

[saturniandevil]

July 2024 Important Dates

AKA my notes on The Astrology Podcast's July Forecast, hosted by Chris Brennan and Austin Coppock. We're going into this month right off of Saturn stationing retrograde on June 29th, and Neptune following suit on July 2nd.

June Recap: June was heavily influenced by the activity in Gemini, including a Venus cazimi and a stellium with other fast planets. The second half of the month felt heavy influence from Saturn finally getting within conjunction distance (10 degrees) of Neptune in Pisces. Right after the Venus cazimi on June 3rd, Claudia Sheinbaum was elected president of Mexico. Aside from Venus's association with women, the indigenous astrology of Mexico is also based on Venus cazimi cycles. Another Venus story is the launch of the Boeing Starliner--last month our hosts looked at the electional chart for its planned launch and noted that Mercury conjunct Uranus boded ill--and indeed an electrical problem caused them to postpone the launch until June 5th, when the Moon was in Gemini (with 4 other planets). However, with a Leo rising its chart ruler the Sun was separating from Venus and approaching a square with Saturn, and indeed there have been delays with bringing the astronauts back.

On the day of the Mars-Pluto square Hunter Biden was convicted on gun charges. A similar Mars transit showed up in politics with Donald Trump's conviction in May: Trump was convicted with Mars squaring his natal Saturn (ruler of the year for him), in the 9th and 12th houses respectively, fitting for a trial (9th house) over keeping secrets (12th house). There was also a Mercury-Uranus conjunction on his Midheaven (sudden development in public life), and on the July 11th, the day of his sentencing, the Mars-Uranus conjunction will be on his Midheaven. In Hunter Biden's case, Mars conjoined his natal Saturn, when he was convicted of illegally buying guns while under the influence. Saturn was also transiting his Midheaven, and with the North Node there natally it can indicate ill or shadowy reputation (A/N: in Pisces it also fits that he's known for his excessive drug use).

The second half of the month was dominated by a Saturn-Neptune conjunction in Pisces. A new AI video generator was released and saw an explosion of use, including animating still images. It's becoming increasingly difficult to determine what's real and what's an illusion--though in June with many planets in Gemini, we saw a lot of play with this technology.

The final news story this month is the US presidential debate, which occurred within 24 hours of Saturn stationing retrograde in Pisces--a debate between the two oldest presidential candidates in US history. Biden did horribly during the debate, and Saturn's subsequent station occurred right on Biden's Imum Coeli; during the debate the Moon was conjunct Saturn as both approached this point. At the same time, Uranus was transiting Trump's Midheaven while sextiling his natal Venus (ruler of his 10th house), and he did unexpectedly well in this debate for someone who doesn't care about telling the truth in public speaking. With Saturn generally, this debate has risen pressing questions around age and fitness for public office. Speaking of debate timings, Ronald Reagan's astrologer Joan Quigley would schedule debates for times that were good for Reagan and bad for Carter...and indeed this debate is scheduled unusually--it's much earlier than usual. The next debate is scheduled for the Pisces eclipse in September, in Biden's 4th house/Kamala's 10th house (A/N: Trump's 8th; not angular). Back in the year ahead forecast, Chris said there were three big factors in favor of Trump and one in Biden's favor: that eclipse in an angular house. However, the 4th house is also associated with endings (due to being located underground), and considering recent events, could bode ill for the aged president. (A/N: there's also speculation that Biden was experiencing a dementia symptom known as "sundowning" during the debate, and the 4th house is located deepest beneath the earth)

July Forecast:

The main energies this month will be Saturn-Neptune in Pisces as both planets station early in the month, Mars conjoining Uranus, the Capricorn Full Moon in the 21st, and Mercury-Mars tensions as they almost reach a square.

July 2nd - Neptune Retrograde, Mercury enters Leo Neptune-Saturn confusion has been present for us for a week or so already. We're having a difficult time predicting what events mean for the future. Other significations are the line between illusions and reality, idealism vs. limitations, disillusionment or disappointment when dreams collapse, confusion, fatigue or sapping of one's emotional energy, lack of mental acuity, side effects of age leaving to lack of clarity or focus. Whatever age you're at, you may feel the physical effects catching up to you as the conjunction approaches. Austin brings up that superhero movies have just about run their course (Iron Man was released in 2011 as Neptune first entered the sign), and now we're collectively tired of imagining this genre as Neptune gets within 4 minutes of the next sign. Saturn nearby adds an extra level of negation. With AI tools, boundaries are dissolved and new methods for creativity are being introduced as we gear up for Neptune/Saturn in Aries--expect to see new genres. Other Saturn-Neptune keywords include escapism, addiction, sensitivity and compassion. Chris also notes seeing tensions between science and religion or skepticism and belief: large numbers of people, including conservative influencers, are converting to Christianity at the same time as scientific skepticism rises--and astrologers may find ourselves on the negative end of both. Anyone with significant placements at 27-29 Pisces or other mutable signs should pay attention. A Neptune-Mercury trine softens communications; it's a good time for heartfelt conversations.

As soon as Mercury enters Leo it puts him in opposition distance to Pluto, foreshadowing the rest of the inner planets doing so later this month. Paranoia, power plays, and manipulation abound, though investigative journalism and hidden truths can come to light. However, Mercury moves closely into a happy sextile with Jupiter soon after.

July 2nd - Selected Elections for the month (not pictured) This month Chris has two elections, both on the 2nd, to try and take advantage of the Jupiter-Moon conjunction before Mars and Uranus start to complicate things.

The first chart is at about 1:00PM local time so that the Ascendant trines Jupiter in the 9th house, the Moon is applying to a conjunction with Jupiter, and the Ascendant ruler Venus in Cancer is in the 10th house, forming a trine with Saturn. The flowing, nurturing energy in Cancer and Pisces is highlighted in this chart (see New Moon for more). The downside is that you bake the Mercury-Pluto opposition into things, so beware of paranoia in communications.

The other variant of this chart is later in the day with Sagittarius rising:

At about 5:30PM local time, this gives you Jupiter in the whole sign 7th house in a day chart with the Moon still applying to a conjunction. This one is oriented more towards other people. These are much different than the electional charts earlier this year where he encouraged us to take advantage of the stellia; now we're entering more challenging territory.

July 5th - New Moon in Cancer

Both luminaries (14♋) apply to a trine with Saturn (19♓) soon after, while Venus (22♋) is within a loose conjunction of them in Cancer. Meanwhile, Mercury (5♌) sextiles Jupiter (9♊) in Gemini with reception (Jupiter is in Mercury's sign). Saturn's trine is constructive, helping us figure out how to work within our limitations and distribute our burdens more evenly. With Venus and Cancer there brings a connotation of caring for and nurturing something that can't survive without you like a child, pet, or house plant. And with care, duty is not far behind. Think sweet and compassionate. Mercury sextile Jupiter on the 8th will continue some of these good vibes for us.

July 11th - Venus enters Leo Venus is getting further from the Sun and begins to rise more and more visibly as the month progresses. When she's fully out from under the beams, we can finally see the results of work that was hidden while she was close to the Sun. We'll also see a return of themes from the Venus retrograde in Leo last year, but it's different for two reasons: 1) Venus is traveling direct and very fast through the sign, and 2) Pluto in Aquarius opposes her immediately upon ingress on the 11th-12th. Venus in Leo's fun-in-the-sun vibe is marred by shadow for the first few days. Significations include interpersonal paranoia, power plays in relationships and (my addition:) issues of control regarding women. In happier news she (12♌) will sextile Jupiter (12♊) on the 21st right in time for the next lunation, at the same degree where she stationed last year. Jupiter will assuage harsh Pluto aspects for planets transiting Leo this month.

July 15th - Mars conjunct Uranus This occurs on the 14th-15th at 26 Taurus, tightly conjunct the fixed star Algol. Mars-Uranus is already quite volatile, with Mars going fast and Uranus shocking or igniting it. Think accidents (warehouse explosions, for example), interpersonally "exploding," and in wolrd affairs violence such as wars. The US dropped atomic bombs on Japan under Mars-Uranus, and has the signature in its natal chart. This already volatile configuration is conjunct malefic star Algol, known as the head of Medusa, in Chinese astrology as the entrance to the Mansion of Corpses, and in Arabic as Ra's al-Ghul ("head of the monster"), from which we get the word "ghoul." Historically Algol coincides with terrible events, for example the bombing of Guérnica. Austin predicts that most personal lives will be unaffected, but that something atrocious will happen in one of the active conflicts going on right now (though hopes he's wrong about it). Algol also figures strongly into the British royal family, the chart of the European Union, and the modern state of Israel. The Republican National Convention will also begin under this inauspicious alignment. July 16th sees the Moon lighting up all this activity, so it's an inadvisable time to start new ventures.

More generally, Mars-Uranus brings sudden upheavals, rebelliousness, challenging the status quo, impulsiveness, unpredictable behavior & acting on whims, and a strong drive for freedom and independence--for example, the January 6 capital debacle happened right as Mars entered Taurus and began approaching conjunction to Uranus. On the positive side, this can indicate starting new adventures and innovative ideas. Mars and Uranus are both antisocial, so it's advisable to strike out on your own, even just for a few days, instead of trying to get everyone else on board or fighting over different directions. Fierce individualism abounds, though Mars-Uranus can also be quirky and spontaneous--Robin Williams had this aspect in Cancer. Thankfully, Mars leaves Taurus about a week later, leaving Algol's intensity behind.

July 20th - Mars enters Gemini In a new sign, Mars is headed for a conjunction with Jupiter in mid-August, though he'll square Saturn almost immediately after. Funnily enough, that's when the Democratic National Convention takes place--which we already know is going to be a mess. Austin points out the Jupiter-Mars conjunction will be at 16 Gemini, the same degree that Venus conjoined the Sun in June, connecting those events. Mars-Jupiter can be heroic and overcoming...but that requires something to heroically overcome. The lunation really kicks things off:

July 21st - Full Moon in Capricorn

A lot of different aspects are happening at once here. The Moon and Sun oppose each other at 29 degrees of Capricorn and Cancer respectively, with the Moon immediately moving towards a sextile with Neptune (29♓), and then conjoining Pluto (0♒) upon her egress from Capricorn. We'll see an immediate shift in tone with news stories foreshadowing the next month of Mars in Gemini. Mars is, by degree, in exact contra-antiscia to the Moon here. Meanwhile, Venus (12♌) sextiles Jupiter (12♊), so positive things are happening at the same time as this tense lunation. However, Merucry (26♌) squares Uranus (26♉), bringing tensions in communication. This will be one of the more memorable days of the month--ongoing negative developments will rear their heads, some nice things will happen, some unexpected things will happen, and the next day the Sun enters Leo, opposing Pluto in Aquarius.

July 22nd - Sun enters Leo Leo season starts off with the Sun opposing Pluto. For the next 20 years, every time the Sun enters Leo, it will oppose Pluto. The Pluto in Leo generation (mid-40s to 1959; Baby Boomers) will feel Pluto's opposition especially strongly, and the dozens of countries created right after WW2 have Saturn conjunct Pluto in Leo in their charts. We'll see what survives this 20 years and what fades away into history as Pluto opposes all that was built when it was 180 degrees away. Chris brings up that generationally Pluto in Leos may be resisting handing off the reins or trying to seize power back when they're past their prime. Austin brings up the accelaration of celebrity culture as a great distraction from those who are actually powerful during Pluto in Leo....maybe we'll get sick of it over the following decades. In other fixed signs, transiting Pluto now squares natal Pluto for Millennials (Pluto in Sagittarius), who are now having to wrestle with beginning to really age in their 40s.

July 25th - Mercury enters Virgo Communications become more direct and quick with Mars in Mercury's sign, but Mercury is going to retrograde close to a square with Mars at the end of the month, so we may expect some miscommunications, misunderstandings, and sharp words. Swift, smart, clever, and cool. Things may get argumentative and contentious.

By the end of the month, retrograde Saturn (18♓Rx) is moving into square distance from Jupiter (14♊), who will in turn square Neptune later--a signature that brought inflation recently. Saturn is trying to rein in Jupiter, who expands Neptune's dissolution of boundaries. Mars in Gemini further aggravates things. July leaves us on a bit of a cliffhanger.

[kitthefoxkin]

hallo friends!

cw: mental health topics

im sorry for being inactive-- ive been very busy and also not feeling very well. my depression gets particularly bad during the summer due to lack of routine, and i have a hard time being social. also just family stuff and chores. im going to try to get through as many asks as i can-- i have like 30 sitting in my inbox right now, lol /lh. im also thinking about making an FAQ post since some asks that come in are the same questions, and i know its a pain to scroll all the way through my blog to find the answer!

ive been wearing my tail out in public recently :33 not anywhere too populated, but i walk to the store about once a week for personal snacks and ive been wearing my tail then. i can't wear it out in big spaces quite yet. i live in the midwestern US, and people here (especially teenagers and kids) are really unkind. i worey about them grabbing and breaking my tail. so far so good though, i wore it to the 4th of July where it was SUPER busy and no one bothered me!! :3

i hope everyone is doing well! dont forget to drink water and eat good my friends >w<

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

As expected, great haul for DESPICABLE ME 4, animation is #1 yet again at the domestic box office and will likely be next week. If so: 5 weeks in a row, a run in animation that had only opened back in 2016, when FINDING DORY and THE SECRET LIFE OF PETS - a Pixar and an Illumination - held the top slot back-to-back for 5 weeks.

No wonder Pixar loves the mid-June slot and Illumination always nabs the 4th of July frame.

DESPICABLE ME 4 landed a little above DESPICABLE ME 3's unadjusted opening weekend take from 2017, $75m estimate, with $122m for the five-day. Already more than doubled its $100m budget, too. Illumination's always smart with those. With little else in terms of family stuff, DESPICABLE ME 4 kinda has the rest of the summer to itself. THE WILD ROBOT and TRANSFORMERS ONE pretty much walk us into autumn, so I expect good legs for this film, maybe even challenges $300m stateside.

Either way, expect a fifth one to be announced, lol. Still plenty of juice left in this tank, for sure. At my theater, the audience response - of all ages - was pretty enthusiastic. Average moviegoers really dig these movies, they're a "just right" sort of combo of silliness and "warm fuzzies" for them. Slapstick also lands, if done well enough, too. They're a bit like Tom & Jerry in that regard, you don't have to fret translating that for any age group or anyone around the world. "Yellow thing hit other yellow thing. Funny."

But going by how big the MINIONS movies opened, I think it's clear audiences just really like those chittering yellow tictacs. I wouldn't be surprised if MINIONS 3 goes forward first, or instead of DESPICABLE ME 5. But really, it was Gru and the girls that launched everything to begin with, so I expect both to happen. As long as Illumination uses some of that moolah for more original stuff, I'm fine. It looks like they don't have a movie out next year, so the spring 2026 release of MARIO 2 will be the follow-up offering. Still would love to know what's going on with projects like BIG TREE, and... That Pharrell Williams project announced way back in like 2018...

INSIDE OUT 2 only took an estimated 47% dip against DESPICABLE ME 4, and is not only now up to $533m domestic (not too far from MARIO's $574m haul last year), but it's ready to surpass INCREDIBLES 2 worldwide. To be Pixar's highest-earning picture... All-animation wise, it's also now below CG LION KING ($1,663m), FROZEN II ($1,453m), MARIO ($1,361m), and FROZEN ($1,280m, w/o re-releases)... I think it has a legit shot at topping MARIO at the very least, not sure if LION KING '19 and FROZEN II are doable, though.

Anyways, yeah... Animation to the rescue, it seems. The summer box office got a boost from the so-called kiddie cartoons... But let's also not leave out BAD BOYS 4, and of course DEADPOOL & WOLVERINE is gonna do big numbers, but after a fairly dry May, it's these two livening things up. Whereas THE GARFIELD MOVIE, now at $244m worldwide (against a $60m budget, sequel announcement definitely imminent), was a quieter affair...

Still, it goes to show that when it comes to animated movies...

Sequels are still the bona fide blockbusters, while the reasonably-priced "original" (or untested/untried IP) movies aren't.

Ideally, that's great.

Animated smallies should be commonplace, they shouldn't all be expected to be $500m-and-up behemoths (I've only been screaming about that for years)... Problem is, while everyone else is okay with that nowadays, Disney still isn't for some reason, and they still pump $150-250m into their pictures - across both of their flagship animation studios. They really got to adjust there. Expecting a sci-fi adventure to outdo ELEMENTAL by a wide margin is either an ambitious bet, or an incredibly short-sighted decision.

Disney is pretty much why we're here with animation, and right now, they gotta get with it. INSIDE OUT 2 is saving their day at the moment because it's a sequel to a beloved movie that made big bucks in a much different world, a much different marketplace. Ditto the original MOANA, whose sequel is sure to make an ocean-full of bucks this coming holiday season. The original INSIDE OUT, if made and released recently, could've possibly struggled. And if it did, that would be blamed on it being "too autobiographical".

Disney needs to course-correct there, not by watering down their movies. They too can ride this new wave with everybody else, and maybe find a new way through it...

[justinspoliticalcorner]

Marita Vlachou at HuffPost:

Conservatives in the U.K. are projected to get wiped out in next month’s general election. The party of Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, which has led the country for more than a decade, is faced with a historic defeat, as voters have grown frustrated by the state of public services and by political scandals that have plagued the Tories in recent years, among other things. While the center-left Labour Party is on track to win a huge majority, everyone seems to be focused on the Conservatives. “We’re so used to thinking about elections in terms of who’s going to win, but this one, it’s much more about actually the state of the loss and who is going to be in opposition,” Louise Thompson, a senior lecturer in politics at The University of Manchester, told HuffPost. Bad news has been piling up for Sunak. On July 4, he could become the first sitting prime minister to ever lose their seat in a general election, while his party may not even win enough seats to become the official opposition, according to a recent poll conducted by market research company Savanta for The Daily Telegraph, which forecasts the centrist Liberal Democrats winning just three fewer seats than the Tories.

The findings illustrate “the risk of electoral extinction that the Conservative Party is now having to contemplate,” Savanta’s political research director wrote in an op-ed. Meanwhile, a YouGov poll released last week showed Reform UK — the populist right party of Nigel Farage, who’s an ally of former President Donald Trump — overtaking the Conservatives for the first time, spreading even more alarm in Tory circles. “No other poll reported the same finding, though every poll has reported a fall in Conservative support and nearly all a narrowing of the Conservative lead over Reform,” polling expert John Curtice noted on the BBC. “Standing at just 20%, Conservative support is now at its lowest ever in British polling history,” Curtice added.

The Tories in the UK are likely headed for a massive defeat come July 4th, and may end up 3rd or lower, meaning that they have the possibility of not even being the official opposition.

[greensparty]

Nirvana Boston: Part 4 - Axis

This year marks 35 years since the release of Nirvana’s debut album Bleach and it also marks 30 years since the passing of Nirvana leader Kurt Cobain. In honor of one of my Top 3 Favorite Musicians of All Time, I’m doing a multi-part series Nirvana Boston, in which I look at all of the concerts Nirvana did in Boston. Part 1 looked at their July 1989 show at Green Street Station, Part 2 looked at their April 1990 show at Man Ray and Part 3 looked at their April 1990 show at MIT.

The 4th installment looks at possibly their most legendary show they ever did in Boston and their first of the year 1991. Since the last time the band had played Boston a lot had changed. Drummer Chad Channing parted ways and the new drummer was Dave Grohl, formerly of Scream.

September 23, 1991: WFNX 8th Birthday Bash at Axis (Boston, MA)

show flyer (quite a lineup)

Lynn, MA independently owned and operated alternative rock station WFNX was first launched in 1983 on 101.7-FM. The radio station was one of my favorites in the 90s and I was so sad when they ceased operation in 2012. Prior to 1991, WFNX was one of the early supporters of Nirvana in the Boston area, which is why WFNX DJs Duane Bruce and Kurt St. Thomas were at the Man Ray Show in 1990. Nirvana's major-label debut album Nevermind was going to be released the next day on September 24, but just a few weeks earlier on August 29, St. Thomas played the Nevermind album in its entirety on-air for it's World Premiere. So when the radio station was gearing up for their 8th anniversary concert celebrations they set up shows with multiple bands at multiple venues on Boston's Landsdowne Street. At Axis, the bands included Cliffs of Dooneen, Smashing Pumpkins (their debut Gish was just released a few months earlier), Bullet LaVolta and finally Nirvana. Duane Bruce says "I feel bad for the other bands that were on the bill that night, like the bands that were playing over at Bill's Bar. They were all packed houses and nobody talks about those shows. I'd say there were close to 3000 people on Lansdowne Street that night if not more. Certainly 1500 were slammed into Axis." 1500 might be an exaggeration, but not far off.

Nevermind tour poster and Boston was the second stop

Nirvana arrived in Boston the day before on September 22. They stayed at the old Howard Johnson's Hotel on Commonwealth Avenue that has since become a Boston University dorm. Reportedly the band had dinner at Division 16 on Boylston Street with some Geffen Records and WFNX employees. Afterwards, the band went to The Rat AKA The Rathskeller in Kenmore Square to see their friends The Melvins, but they weren't on the guest list and it was local singer-songwriter Mary Lou Lord who urged the bouncer to let them in even though they weren't on the guest list. She formed a relationship with Cobain for a short time. In the documentary The Road to Ruane about The Middle East promoter Billy Ruane (that screened at IFFBoston earlier this year), Lord elaborated that she took Cobain back to Ruane's apartment in Cambridge that night and they listened to his record collection.

Cobain and Grohl doing press with WFNX earlier in the day (photo by Julie Kramer)

MTV News attended this show to film an interview with Nirvana and some backstage tomfoolery including a Twister game gone wild at Bill's Bar next door to Axis! Here is the raw footage of that wild Crisco Twister game with some of the members of Smashing Pumpkins and an interview with the band:

In my friend Jason Steeves' documentary We Want the Airwaves: The WFNX Story, DJ Angie C. noted that for several months the only live footage MTV had of Nirvana was of their coverage at the WFNX Birthday Bash, so every time MTV News did an update about Nirvana they cut to a clip of them onstage with the WFNX banner behind them, so it was like the radio station and the band were intertwined for a while there.

Axis had a capacity of 1000 and it was packed to say the least. Both Nirvana and headliners Smashing Pumpkins were not going to be playing clubs this size much longer. Boston's own Bullet LaVolta had built up a huge following by this point and were WFNX favorites. Their major label debut Swandive was released the same day as Nirvana's Nevermind, and they had toured with Smashing Pumpkins, Mudhoney and Soundgarden. Bullet LaVolta drummer Todd Philips says "For us, it was just another show playing Axis. We weren't even playing the biggest room, there was a bigger room next door at Avalon. Nirvana wasn't even the biggest band on the bill at the time." As Duane Bruce puts it "if the show was a steam train, then after the Pumpkin and Bullet LaVolta, by the time you got to Nirvana it was just pure black smoke". At midnight, headliners Nirvana's set began. Kurt St. Thomas did an intro. The band did a 49 minute set. They did songs off of Bleach and several from the about-to-be-released Nevermind.

Cobain on stage (photo by Steve Gullick)

Novoselic and Grohl on stage (photographer unknown)

Novoselic and Grohl (photo by Steve Gullick)

In terms of highlights, Todd Philips says "Sliver" and "Drain You", which he says "When I heard that, I said - holy shit, this is pop. This should be Top 40 music!" Very true! There is a reason some of the songs on Nevermind made the Top 40.

Here is the audio recording from YouTube:

Of the three times I saw Dave Grohl and Foo Fighters at Fenway Park (the most recent being this past July), I couldn't help but think he had played right across the street at Axis for that legendary show decades earlier.

Up Next: When a fan mentioned that he couldn't attend the WFNX show because he wasn't 18, the band decided to do a last minute show the next day at Axis that would be all-ages. Part 5 is the second Axis show in September 1991.

[drifloonz]

HII WISPYYY OKOK so i have the biggest fixation on Steven rn... that man has me on a chokehold

it's very self indulgent (i think......) but like... S/O who's very scared and jumpy from things like fireworks or balloons, like causing them panic attacks !! like being comforted by him, hugged and being led away from danger... i'm gushing so much over the idea of being hugged by steven and comforted i just know you would put it into words better than me (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠) I'm sorry if its very vague, thank you !!! ily !!!

HIHI ANON! ! ! and also im not sure if that was intentional but chokehold huh. Sorry. Sorry. ANYWAYS, i can definitely do that! plus i personally relate to being like. jumpy and scared from sudden noises esp around this time of the year good lord ( remember how bad it was during 2020 that shit sucked ). I can also personally relate to the steven fixation.... wistful sigh.

anyways !! ty!! Here is your tall dark brooding Issues Having boyfriend. i wrote way too much for this probably but i assume people follow me for that by now. Throwing birdseed at my followers in the form of depressed men

_

steven with an S/O who is deeply scared of fireworks ( and similar things )

♡ steven himself isn't one who really... likes loud noises, especially ones that come out of nowhere? it doesn't happen often, but sometimes there are fireworks set off around his home, either as a prank or just people celebrating near where he can hear, since, fireworks can be seen and heard pretty far. regardless, he's too tired nowadays to care about that, unless it becomes a constant issue. it does also startle miki though if she's out of her pokeball, which is a cause for concern and... anger. he's not going to track people down and kill them for it though, like he would've before, no matter how tempting it is if it frustrates miki.

♡ so, when you walked into his life having a lot worse issues with that than he did - which is something he realized after the 4th of july ( because that probably exists in pokemon, or something similar to it ) from the flurry of fireworks - he realized that anything like that happening even once wasn't acceptable for him anymore.

♡ along with your fear of balloons - whether it be the popping sound they make when destroyed, or some sort of trauma that they remind you of, or textural issue perhaps... however it becomes apparent, steven's making sure that the both of you avoid them. ( note to self; do not take you to an amusement park. )

♡ he even goes as far as to personally vet the stores or places you go to before taking you out just to make sure no balloons are present, or at least to know how to avoid them if they are.

♡ of course, the reason he even finds out about these fears of yours is likely due to firsthand experience. seeing you panic after a few fireworks go off nearby makes him also panic but much more internally - he's not sure if he should be holding someone or not during a panic attack... doing that all of a sudden would be bad, right? he know if someone did that to him in his worst states he either wouldn't react or would angrily push them off.

♡ so firstly, he tries to calm you down verbally... doing some breathing techniques that he probably picked up from daisy after losing miki and encouraging you to repeat the patterns, along with the 3-3-3 technique in order to ground you. he's not often been on the giving end of these techniques, people always offering to do these for him... but due to that, he's all too familiar with the feeling, and is 100% ready to help you out with it.

♡ then he promises he'll be back soon and seeks out things to help you out and give you comfort. something to block out the noise, closing windows ( not that he often has them open ), moving you somewhere where the fireworks were quieter, like his kitchen or something... and of course, he'd turn on his tv(s) and anything that would overpower the noise.

♡ he doesn't give himself anything to muffle the noise because your noises and voice comfort him... and he wouldn't want to muffle that. even though the fireworks still very much irritate him, but more in a slight annoyance way... at least, until now. he feels mad at any of these sounds more than usual due to the fact it puts you in this state, and you're more important to him than almost anything else. If he could physically brawl with a goddamn firework for you he would.

♡ once you're calmed down enough to talk and you give him permission, he hugs you. tight enough to remind you that he's there for you, but loose enough to give you wiggle room... he'll cuddle with you in his bedroom if you want, and just try to relax you enough to sleep, at least until the fireworks are over. he's like your personal assistant, ready to carry out any of your wants to make you feel better.

♡ comfort foods? he has you there, stocked up on plenty of them after the two of you started dating, since that mostly involves you coming over to his place... it was sort of the start of him deciding to take care of himself and be a little more active in life, even if it's just going out to get groceries from the pokemart and not much else. he'll offer you plushies if you want or have any, blankets, drinks, turning on specific shows, whatever you'd like. he'll even let you play with his hair or clothes or something if it calms you down... he likes how it feels too, and will similarly play with yours because that also calms him down.

♡ if any of this were to happen to you two outside, he'd just quickly lead you as far away as he could within reason and do the same things, at least to the best of his extent. likely, he'd just go home and continue there.

♡ he'll stay with you for as long as you need, give you space if you need it... anything you want. if you need space, he'll just be pacing around his home and doing everything he can to muffle outside noises while he waits.

♡ miki, of course, is also there to help you if you're comfortable enough with her doing so. she's a good distractor, actually? she also gets startled and disgruntled by the noises, so she can relate... she allows you to pet her and will sometimes nuzzle your nose with her snout for comfort, emitting glitchy purrs. How can a dragon purr? fuck if i know but by god i know miki can and will. she's just a big powerful cat in a dragon body.

♡ once the fireworks calm down or stop completely, he checks in on you, continuing to comfort you if you're still even awake by then. he holds you by your waist close to him, giving you a gentle little squeeze, along with a few chaste kisses if you allow it. he's happy that his partner is doing much better now, and he almost feels validated that he's the one who did that...? maybe that's selfish. he didn't know.

♡ after that experience, he's sure to keep the noise muffling measures up to stuff, constantly checking them to make sure they're still properly in place. he becomes a little more overprotective, but he always is overprotective with you... he doesn't want to lose you or scare you.

♡ he continues to practice breathing exercises even when you aren't panicking so that you can remember them precisely if he isn't there. he never intends to not be there for you, but... in the worst-case scenario.

♡ he also encourages you to talk about these things to him, so he can prepare in advance for anything similar - which is likely why he knows about the balloons thing. if you somehow didn't realize by now, he's... really just a big worrywart at heart, no matter how he comes off otherwise.

♡ if the fireworks become far too constant for their own good, steven himself will make it a damn mission to locate whoever's setting them off and tell them to do it precisely like, way further away. his demeanor is pretty scary to everyone else, and that's when he's not even trying to be - so he's pretty good at convincing people, even without many words.

♡ thankfully, pallet town is decently far from any big city in kanto where fireworks mainly take place, especially on steven's side of pallet town - the forest itself gives a good bit of muffling, too. which, always makes it more strange when fireworks occur nearby, but he just chalks it up to the locals buying illegal fireworks for their kids to set off. how irresponsible...

♡ ( what he didn't know is they also sometimes do that when red or blue occasionally take visits back to pallet, since the locals get so excited over them... )

♡ regardless, you're taken care for and he's not going to let you panic unprepared anymore. you've got a keeper!!!! ( i wrote way too much for this apologies oopsy )

[killjoysecrets]

MAIL REQUEST

How do US killjoys view or celebrate the 4th of July?

Send in your headcanons!

🎆🎇🎇🎆🎇🎇🎆

mod note: though i think the killjoys would resonate with and hold on to the concept of "freedom" in relation to the 4th of July and the US , there are lots of problematic things with the country and this holiday and i want to recognize that and link resources on ways you can help support indigenous people. follow and share native people on social media! let them tell you how best to support indigenous rights, health, and welfare.

https://takingaction.carrd.co/

https://indigenousrights.carrd.co/

https://narf.org/

http://www.nativepartnership.org

https://www.instagram.com/nativewellness

https://www.redhawkcouncil.org/

https://mmiwusa.org/

https://www.edi.nih.gov/people/sep/na/campaigns/native-american-heritage-month-2018/native-american-organizations

If you have any good resources to add please reblog and add them! i will boost it on this blog. unfortunately many of the links i had from my previous 4th of july post are outdated or don't work anymore. what i found above was listed from google searches and my own extremely limited knowledge.

(also research any charity and non-profit you are interested in donating to, regardless of what it's for. what do people in the community have to say about them, what do its donations go towards, who runs the organization, etc. unfortunately there are bad charities out there like susan g komen and autism speaks so be aware.)

[rothjuje]

George starts summer school tomorrow and I’m nervous. He actually loves to go “bye byes” so he’ll be fine once there and probably won’t want to leave, and he’ll be happy once I come and get him, but if he doesn’t have fun tomorrow he will panic at drop off Thursday. I hate that they do summer school at the elementary school instead of the preschool. It will be an entirely new campus and teacher and therapists. I know he’ll be fine but I hate that I can’t really prepare him and he won’t be able to tell me how it goes.

He is starting to talk in little chunks though. He calls me mommy and refers to himself as Georgie, has learned the word no and uses it often, is starting to request snacks by name. The other night he handed me his toothbrush and said “brush your teeth!” Scripting because that’s what I say to him but still meaningful speech because he had tooth brush in hand and was making a request. It was very cute.

It’s rained constantly and everything is soaked. Instead of keeping the whiney kids inside yet another day, I had a brilliant idea. I would put sensory kid that cannot handle wet clothes in a snow bib. Worked like a charm. They stayed dry, had a blast playing in the mud, and looked like a cute little farmer. I’m sure they make waterproof overalls, I need to look into that.

Speaking of the rain, I slide down the front steps a few days ago and broke my tailbone. I have bruising on both sides and it hurts to sit. Such bad timing with the intense amount of yard work that needs to get done. Falling down stairs is pretty unsettling, my fault for wearing shoes with no tread in a downpour, but also our stairs are much too steep and this is my 4th fall down them, first fall that resulted in injury though. Ouch.

We moved the 400 pound chicken coop with no help yesterday. It was quite the project. First Justin used a car jack with extensions to lift coop enough to slide a wood board under, then he repeated on the other side. Then he tied a winch to a tree and shoved then tightened, then shoved then tightened etc. It is now in its final place. You can still see it from the street but it looks much better. He put rebar at the corners of where the run will be and I’m pretty dang excited. Run will be built Saturday, roof will go on Sunday.

Our yard is trashed from the excavation. We are so confused by how rocky the soil is here. It’s more rocks than dirt! Is this a New England thing? In northern CA the dirt was hard with little pebbles but still mainly dirt. In TX the dirt was more sand than dirt, very soft and the kids loved to play with it. Here the dirt is very hard, almost like clay with tons of small rocks and bigger rocks and occasionally a boulder. It makes for a very strenuous and tedious cleanup. Also, I have to dig out the bottom of the chicken run to put down hardware cloth and I dug for an hour today and barely made a dent. At least it’s a good work out.

We didn’t do much today, other than Justin cooking a lot which is pretty much our tradition for any holiday. Fourth of July is weird. Feels icky to celebrate usually, but it’s a big thing out here. I always get kind of sad on July 4th because that was the last day I saw my sister alive. 15 years ago today. It doesn’t feel like it’s been 15 years, but I guess it has. I once had a friend tell me it’s too much to get sad on the 4th of July, and then again on the 23rd of July (her accident), and then again on October 26th (her birthday) but they are big days to me and I can’t help but feel sad. Trauma sticks in your head in a different way. The memories much more vivid, reverberating.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Kimi Katiti

Published: Jul 3, 2024

The eruption of fireworks made me want to crawl out of my skin. I fully believed that the night of July 4, 2017 was a celebration of white supremacy, and I couldn't understand why anyone would participate in a festival of hatred. The power was also conveniently out in my apartment for the entirety of the evening, which made the jarring pyrotechnics all the more inescapable and amplified—as garish as a performance of sirens and headlights in my living room, unrepentant in their hours-long parade. Red, white and blue—over and over again. 

The people on the outside celebrated a country that was not only founded on slavery, but used the 13th amendment to preserve it. A country that also maintained the lynching of black men like Michael Brown and Philando Castile through the shield of law enforcement. And even though it elected its first black president, it slipped on the familiar when it elected Trump as its leader—a President who had no qualms with using xenophobic dog-whistles to rally his base. 

And these were just the visible warts on the face of the nation. What about the abscesses that oozed beneath its stripy, starred garb? The invisible system of racial discrimination and microaggressive harm? The walls built into every industry to keep the marginalized away from the American Dream? The emotional labor required by black women like myself to educate anyone on all the above? 

From my 2017 perspective, those who celebrated the 4th of July reveled in the murder of the innocent, and clapped in the defense of the assailant. Anyone who waved a flag, might as well brandish a whip. Anyone who took the day off to corral friends and family around a grill and under an umbrella of explosives or worse—under the presidency of Trump—might have as well donned a swastika pin and raised an arm into the sparkly skyline. 

This was my lens for a good number of years, and one that I look back on with grief. Why did I let a holiday wreck me so well? In hindsight, I have a few theories as to why, and it boils down to a worldview I unintentionally adopted—one that only lent to the fragility of the observer.

For the race-essentialist, the 4th of July is a semiotic nightmare. Oftentimes, interpersonal gestures and words take the spotlight when discussing microaggressions, but in the emoji-age, we ought to consider the role symbolism plays in drilling in groupthink, deteriorating meaning and expanding the modern idea of harm. What made the celebration of American independence an abyss of grief for me was the meaning I placed on every sign that marked the day.   

Swiss linguist Ferdinand de Saussure defined a sign as any motion, gesture, event, or pattern that conveys meaning. The green light at a traffic stop means 'go', and blue on a faucet indicates 'cold' water. Meaning has been given to these shapes to form signs, and through repetitive use and education of the meaning behind the signs, we can add it to our symbolic lexicon. 

After two-dozen revisions, our current Star-Spangled Banner is meant to represent the nation of the United States of America. But how did it go from a mere symbol of a nation, to a symbol conveying conspired hate—at least in the minds of a radicalized few, my former self included?

I'd suggest it has something to do with concept creep—a term Jacob L. Mackey referred to during a previous conversation I had with him on microaggressions. Concept creep, coined by Nick Haslam, and popularized by The Coddling of the American Mind, refers to the ever-expanding meaning of harm-related language, such as trauma, or even the word 'harm' itself. In my case, harm came to include the symbol of the American flag. And in a reciprocal sense, the flag didn't just represent a nation, the concept behind it crept to represent a bad nation. Sure, one can look at a flag and think critically about the flaws of its country's government or systems. In my case, however, I felt like I was under attack at the sight of it. So what energized that progression of meaning—what taught me to reinterpret the meaning behind a symbol to the point of physical distress?

I'd like to nominate the mainstream media narrative for that progression of definition. Everything from social media to sports told me exactly what kind of meaning I should ascribe to the American flag, and its companions. One of fear, not fondness.

With the rise of the Black Lives Matter movement, followed by the catastrophe-confirming appointment of Trump, the media streets in the mid twenty-tens were saturated with posts on police brutality, the national anthem and white America. This came with a flood of symbols to aid the viewers' dissection of events. Images of symbols such as the MAGA hat, The Thin Blue Line flag, the Trump posters, and The BLM fist—to name a few—often accompanied stories detailing the brewing cultural tension. 

Law Enforcement and the Thin Blue Line flag existed in opposition to the BLM movement. So if one was only familiar with the pro-BLM argument, and was as disheartened with grief as I was to hear any opposing cases, the meaning assigned to the Thin Blue Line flag no longer communicated the courage and bravery of law enforcement, but rather that the bearer of that symbol sided with police officers who murder innocent, unarmed black men. 

If you supported athletes' choice to stand during the singing of the national anthem, rather than kneeling in protest, in over-simplified reasoning, you supported the killing of black men. The further this meaning-to-symbol relationship was exacerbated through fear-mongering media—especially social media, where news travels best when laced with negativity—the further the meaning ascribed to certain symbols waxed sour.

Therefore, the progression of meaning in my mind, energized by the media, devolved this way: 

Wearing or waving the American flag is associated with patriotism. 

If you're patriotic, you're most likely a conservative. 

Only conservatives oppose BLM. 

Opposing BLM means that you support the killing of black people. 

Therefore, waving the American flag means you support the killing of black people.  

We also see this same re-education of benign signs into something indicative of harm in the recent lawsuit filed against Penn State at Abington, where the boss of plaintiff Zack K. DePiero, Liliana Naydan, allegedly told writing faculty that “white supremacy exists in language itself, and therefore, that the English language itself is ‘racist’ and, furthermore, that white supremacy exists in the teaching of writing of English, and therefore writing teachers are themselves racist white supremacists…”

Now imagine that it's not just the American flag that warrants this ungracious interpretation of meaning, but other icons of American culture: an eagle, American football, a pair of cowboy boots. For those steeped in critical social justice ideology, interfacing with these objects (and I'll speak for my former self) is aggravating on an average day. But seeing these concept-crept-visual-ideas all in one weekend, over and over again, paired with loud explosives and laughter, distorts the character of loved ones opting to celebrate the 4th of July, and as a black individual, lends to a sense of distrust because once more, bearing the American flag with pride means you support the killing of black people—with pride.

All of this—the concept creep, the concentration of offensive symbolism, the narrative—contributed to a sense of catastrophization on the 4th. Catastrophization is a cognitive distortion that leads you to assume the worst case scenario out of a relatively generic circumstance. In my case, I was brought to tears under a burden of anxiety because I allowed my brain to interpret every sign of America, including a date dedicated to the celebration of its independence, as something just left of a lynch mob dancing on my lawn.

What Changed My Mind

If you aren't familiar with how I broke the grip of cultish indoctrination as a whole, forgiveness played a key role in setting me free. But my attitude shift towards the 4th of July began amid the insanity of 2020. 

I was hit with the sting of cognitive dissonance after COVID-minded public health officials failed to call George Floyd protesters back indoors. The protesters were instead given the green light to do what we had been warned against repeatedly out of love for others. I couldn't quite tell—did these people who declared support for BLM, actually care about black lives?   

They allowed good people to go outside and do the thing we had been warned would kill us all. That transcends inconsiderate. The people that were supposed to be the 'good guys' were no better than Derek Chauvin. And that forced me to think more critically about who the 'good guys' were, and what exactly caring for the marginalized really looks like.

I started to question what was in it for them to maintain such dangerously contradictory positions. Somehow, somewhere, someone was lying. But why lie? Why distort the compassion of well-meaning individuals? This line of questioning led me to the obvious-–money and power.

Around this time, I turned to a refreshing pair of news anchors, Krystal Ball and Saagar Enjeti, who at the time had a segment on The Hill's YouTube channel called Rising, and I was impressed by their similarly aligned remarks concerning the contradiction of stay-at-home orders—especially since Krystal and Saagar's observations were from both the right and left—and felt some peace and validation in questioning the powers that be. 

I questioned the fear that fueled media, and the censorship machine that went to work to squash varied opinions on COVID and quarantine measures. I questioned the power that tech corporations had to minimize voices at will. I questioned every one from Don Lemon to Patrisse Cullors, to the celebrity cohort that marched in lockstep with the 'right' idea. I had always questioned Donald Trump, but I allowed myself to question Joe Biden—why was a white old guy all of a sudden the arbiter of blackness? 

I questioned so much that I began to question questions—specifically why people were paying dearly for merely voicing them? That led me to revisit a little American idea called Free Speech—once a textual sign for intolerant rednecks, and now, my last hope towards freedom from a form of slavery that I had no idea was slowly choking out my mental health.  

I realized that it was this freedom to think, to express new paths of reasoning, to outwardly question those in authority, to protest injustice, or to express oneself uniquely, that many Americans remembered and honored when they beheld the symbol of the flag.  

Over many months, I meditated on the reality that the United States is ultimately structured to protect the smallest minority—the individual. There is something to be said about how even the collective identity of blackness turns on its own once certain questions threaten sacred cows like the Black Lives Matter movement or the status of oppression. Anywhere that groupthink can be formed, totalitarianism has a chance to consume the participants of said group. 

Being told what to think by conforming to group ideals made me a slave to fear, and allowing myself to reorganize how I thought set me—the individual—free. Learning how to think has afforded me the freedom to reinterpret symbols with more grace. It's also placed the control to assign meaning to symbols, signs, gestures and words back into my own hands. I don't need to depend on cash-hungry newscasters to tell me who to love or hate. And I won't leave it to billion-dollar corporations to manipulate me into surrendering my ability to reason—they won't get me to roll-over on command. This freedom to question popular ideas, re-evaluate their truth and efficacy, and communicate my findings without jail time—as I am doing now—is partly why those annoying fireworks pop-off as fiercely as they do. 

For those who have grown up here in the United States in struggle, I'm not diminishing your experience by declaring my old beliefs completely moot. The economic disparity grieves me. The American Dream slowly fading away from my generation and the one to come, frightens me. Wrongful sentencing in this country's brutal penal system breaks my heart. The glaring disparities that rip through various demographic lines infuriate me. No, rather, my new position is founded on the reality that without American ideals—voting rights, freedom of speech, checks and balances—those issues will be so much harder to address, let alone fix. (Trust me, I'm ethnically Ugandan) 

While the United States has a lot to work on, given its checkered past, maintaining the freedom to progress towards a better future, or preserve what has worked for us in the past, is worth celebrating. This year I celebrate freedom from the lens that was my own imprisonment.

[the-sky-queen]

It's the 4th of July, so here's a little snippet I wrote last year for my Sonic-verse, featuring Joy, my sonamy fankid! (Only vaguely inspired by the 4th of July though. We're mainly focusing on the fireworks here.)

Fireworks

Joy had never liked fireworks. They were just . . . too loud. The massive booms they set off echoed in her ears and vibrated in her chest. If Joy had her way, she'd never go to a fireworks show. Sadly, setting off the concussion explosives was a standard tradition for the holiday celebrating Dr. Eggman’s defeat.

Every year, Joy's family and their other friends would gather to watch a massive fireworks show. Joy wanted to spend time with her family and friends, but she usually had to retreat back to the cars before long so she wouldn't go deaf. This year was no different. 

After letting Mom know where she'd be, Joy grabbed one of the blankets they’d brought for warmth and began walking back to the parking lot. The sun had set, but it wasn’t quite dark yet, so she could see just fine without a flashlight. Spotting her family's car, Joy began walking towards it. Then, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted something. Joy turned to look closer. 

One of the other cars had its lights on, casting a spotlight on the person inside. It was Shadow Robotnik, Ember’s dad.

Curious, Joy walked over to the car and knocked on the passenger side window. Shadow looked up from his phone at her and then rolled down the window. 

"Hi," Joy said. 

"Hello, Joy," Shadow replied calmly. "What are you doing over here? Shouldn’t you be with your family?"

"I . . . don’t really like fireworks." Joy admitted, fidgeting with her hands. She winced as another round of fireworks started. 

"Me either," Shadow told her. "Why don't you come in? We can sit together."

"Okay," Joy said. She opened the door and climbed onto the passenger seat, closing the door behind her. "Do you always leave early like me?” Joy asked. “I've never seen you."

"I always try to stay," Shadow said. "But I usually don't even make it half way."

"Yeah, same here. They’re too loud," Joy said. 

“Mm.” Shadow nodded in agreement. 

"Maybe we can sit together from now on," Joy suggested. “That way, we won’t have to be alone. We can celebrate in our own way!”

Shadow gave a slight smile. "I'd like that, Joy."

Joy smiled back and asked the older hedgehog if he had any fun stories from when he was younger and fighting Eggman. She’d heard about so many adventures her parents had been on, but not nearly as many that included Shadow or his wife, Rouge. Shadow thought for a moment and then began telling her about a time he broke into Eggman’s base to steal a Chaos Emerald. Joy pulled her blanket around her tightly, content to listen to Shadow’s story. 

Maybe the yearly fireworks show wouldn't be so bad anymore.