#its getting me through some difficult times in my life

[softness-and-shattering]

It can genuinely be really scary, to find yourself wondering "hey if there was a fire right now, could I get up, or would I just lie here?" Because youve been in overdrive and overdrive is broken. Id like to believe that the will to live would prevail but I wouldnt know until I was in that situation. Is real danger processed differrently to psychological danger?

I did have a situation the other night struggling to get food together for dinner, my partner was also exhausted, we planned badly (not at all) for shops being closed and I had a few moments of "guess we're starving tonight then". And then I was just up and moving toward the kitchen to see what could be scrounged. Im not sure I made a conscious decision to do so. Theres a tiny bit of, its not quite learned helplessness, its like theres levels of Cant Do A Thing. And sometimes when Thing Needs Doing and you Cant, but no one else can, its like it increases in urgency and then you reavaluate your spoons. Like a lot of the time my partner helps me with things I could technically do, but if I did Id be in more pain, Id have less energy to do things I enjoy that makes life worthwhile, and to her its not such a big deal to do. And sometimes we pingpong a task back and forth trying to measure how deep we would each have to dig to get it done and who will have the very relatively easier time. And sometimes the push does come with more pain, or meltdown, or panic, or tears. Some tasks just arent negotiable.

One of the worst things about being disabled, the most draining, and I sort of forgot it was unusual till Hank Green mentioned it in one of his videos about his cancer, that it was a new amd exhausting ezperience for him. Youre having to make countless decisions day in and day out. Constantly measuring energy against task against urgency or need, against survival vs fun and enjoyment, against what else is planned for the day and the week and the month, am I choosing between tasks, am I even calculating correctly. On top of that, constant monitoring of the self. How am I feeling, are these known symptoms, do they need treatment right now, ok which treatment? Is this abnormal, is it worrying, should I mention it to my dr? How long since I last had painkillers? This symptom has three conditions in common, if its a migraine I need meds immediately but if its just dehydration I dont want to be taking meds I dont need -

And on top of that is actual appointments. I had to take a months long break from most medical care because I burnt out of being able to convey relevant information and understand relevant information and parse it all and make decisions about treatment and tests. and then scheduling and scheduling and scheduling, theres only so many appointments one can attend in a week in a month so everything takes time and if you overbook you end up crashed and panicked and unable to function to even show up and its endless. Its hundreds of important health related decisions day in and day out and then we still have to decide what to eat for lunch like everyone else. On less capacity than everyone else.

Sometimes you just need to step back and rest for an hour a day a week a month. A couple years. Pacing is difficult. Resting is absurdly difficult. Im definitely out of spoons for more of this rn. Its. A lot. Burnout is so so real and the only way through is maximum rest.

One thing I don't think the Spoon metaphor has helped able-bodied people understand is that you can overdraw.

Generally, for most conditions, running out of spoons doesn't mean you collapse, doesn't produce an effect they can actually see. What it means is that you run on life support, quite possibly unsafely, until you get to a safe place and can stop. But you'll owe those spoons back, with interest. You'll have hurt yourself to do it.

Sometimes I hang out with a friend and they'll be like, wow, I'm really glad you had a good day. And I have to decide whether to make them feel bad by explaining that in fact they did not catch me on a good day, and tomorrow will probably be bad. I just made choices.

[ladylooch]

Bones - Part 12 [ Mack x David]

A/N: This is completely unplanned... but there is a birthday celebration in here for David! On our real life Inspo, Jake's birthday! I love when things shake out this way.

Anyways, happy birthday to Jake. And to Davey. And enjoy a lil slice of heaven with our two love birds.

Word Count: 4.5k

October

Fall in New York is magical. Not as magical as the holiday season, but still gorgeous none the less. The weather finally gets cooler. The leaves begin to burst in gorgeous colors of orange, yellow and red. Then right around the corner, hockey season begins. Hockey has ruled Mack’s life in one way or another since before she was born. She wasn’t old enough to be resentful of that like Lucie by the time her dad retired, but there is something about being in this club of Rangers WAGs that has Mack excited for the upcoming season. 

She loves getting to spend so much time with her sister and her nieces. After everything that happened this summer with Tommy, Mack has really craved being around her family. She loves their spirit and protectiveness. But also the way they’ve rallied around David to support him through this difficult loss. 

Yes, there are many things about the fall and hockey season beginning that she loves. But there is still one thing she hates: 

Having to go back to sharing her husband. 

Mack hates the reality of hockey season and how many days apart the two of them will spend. Mack wants to pretend that she has found a balance in her fourth hockey season as a WAG but that would be complete bullshit. She still struggles with what to say yes versus what not to. She still yearns for David whether she is on assignment and he is gone or home. But she does think she is getting better at it.

Especially when her husband treats her to nights like this. Back where it all started in a place with checkered table clothes and outstanding pizza. They recently added a to die for tiramisu to the menu that has no business being in a place as small and hidden as theirs. But it’s there. Delectable and mouth watering, just like the man who holds her left hand. 

The two of them are walking in content silence back to their place. David holds their leftover pizza in his other hand. They’re dressed in dark jeans and sweaters. Mack has brown, high heeled boots on that slap the sidewalk with each step. David has on his own brown boots, worn and loved, with thick tan soles. 

“What time does everything start tomorrow?” Mack asks as they turn the corner onto their street.

“I’ve gotta be there by 9. But Woody and I want to go early to hit the weight room.” Mack gives him a look. He shrugs. “It’s tradition.” 

“You two are like an old married couple. Can’t do anything without the other.”

“I love that man.” 

“That’s why you actually married me, right? So you could be related in some way.”

“You caught me.” He nods solemnly before his face breaks out into a smirk. “You know why I married you.”

“Why?” Mack asks innocently. 

“For that wet, ass pu-“ 

“David.” Mack slaps her hand over this mouth, shrieking.

He grabs her hand, pulling it away, and then yells out: “Pussy!”

“Oh my god.” Mack widens her eyes at the people who turn to look.

“This is New York. They’ve heard worse.” David assures her. His arm goes around her shoulders, pulling her into the side of him so he can kiss her head. Mack sighs, closing her eyes and trying to memorize this feeling for the nights their bed is too lonely without him.

“I’m sad.” She finally admits to him. “I’m trying hard not to be, but I am.” David’s lips shift into a sideways frown. “I already miss you.”

“I know these next few weeks will be tough, honey.” He acknowledges. He pauses as they head up the steps. Philip hands over the door for David, letting him hold it for his wife as always.

“Have a good night.” He salutes them.

“You too!” Mack calls back. 

“Camp always seems so long. Once the season starts, its more normal. Less like, team activities and bonding and class or whatever you guys do.”

David delays his response until the doors shut. Then he puts his hand on her opposite hip, backing her up against the wall. He steps in front of her, cupping her face with his other hand. Mack’s breath disappears from her lungs, eyelashes fluttering as he hovers over her lips.

“I’ll make you forget about all that tonight.” His lips brush hers, but refuse to stay there long. Mack’s eyes screw shut as he kisses down her throat, then sucks the sensitive skin at the crook of her neck. She turns her face into his, fingers collapsing into his hair as he forces her legs apart with his thigh. 

By the time the elevator stops at their floor, Mack buzzes everywhere. Her nipples poke against the lining of her bra. Her panties are soaked through from grinding her crotch on top of his thigh. David pulls her out and down to their apartment in record speed. He fumbles with the keys as Mack reaches around to cup his hard erection. 

“Fuck, baby.” He leans his head back to the ceiling, pausing for a moment. Then he pokes after the key hole with more ferocity. 

When the door opens, David shoves Mack inside unceremoniously. The door slams behind them, then David backs Mack up to the wall quickly. Mack reaches behind her, feeling for the entry way table as he locks their lips back together. David grinds his hard zipper into hers. It’s not enough for him though. He hooks her leg around his waist then slams her back harder into the table. Mack’s breath stutters as his bulge brushes her clit. Her head falls back, hitting the mirror above the table.

A daze falls over Mack as her husband pulls away. He works open the buttons of her Levi’s, then his big hands slide around to grip her bare ass. 

“Fucking need you, honey.” He growls. 

Once his hands get her jeans off her feet, he picks her up with one arm around her waist. The other blindly tries to move stuff off the table so he can set her on top. Mack reaches back with him too. Their lips stay connected as things clatter to floor. Then Mack is on top. David spreads her legs wide before dipping his face down to her pussy, taking a long, hard swipe with his tongue. A gurgled moan gets stuck in Mack’s throat. Her hand comes to the back of his hair, keeping him there as she grinds into his face.

“So fucking hot, baby. Keep doing that.” His mustache tickles her clit as his tongue swirls around her wet entrance. Her inner walls collapse around his tongue as he steadily fucks her with it. “So fuckin’ sweet, Mackenzie.” He groans. He gets on his knees in front of her, a look that has Mack melting into his mouth when he puts it back on her. Arms and legs become goo as she hangs on, enjoying the build of his tempo and her orgasm. 

“Ah.” Mack’s blissed out moan spits out of her lips.

“Sounds so beautiful.” He praises her. “So gorgeous when you come on my face. Can you? Please?”

His lips wrap firmly around her clit then he sucks, lapping his tongue along the swollen bud until Mack shakes on the skinny table.

“David!” She yells out when he keeps sucking her through it. “Oh! Oh!” She tenses up, David grips her thighs with both hands to keep them open. Then Mack collapses against the wall and the table. She begins sliding off of it, but David stands, re-adjusting her limp body back onto the skinny wood. 

“Hell yeah. You're a knock out, honey.” He husks at her through gritted teeth.

David makes sure she is steady, before he works on unbuckling his belt. He shoves his jeans down his hips and half his thighs. He strokes his cock in his hand, squeezing the tip and moaning. He keeps stroking, licking his lips and looking at Mack. Everything about it is searing hot. Then Mack works her feet around his hips, pulling him into her.

“You can do that on the road. Right now you have me.” David chuckles, then kisses her as he eases himself inside of her.

David collects her wrists in his hands, then pins them above her head. Her skins smears smudges across the mirror behind her. As David increase his tempo, they get worse. Mack’s legs begin to shake and her body arches into him for more.

“Please.” She begs when he slows down. “Harder.”

David complies. He rails hard into her, shaking the table beneath his force. Mack feels slightly unsteady on the table, gasping in surprise which makes David stop. He steps closer to her, letting her wrists go and wrapping his arms around her waist to stable her. Then he unleashes into her.

“Oh right there! Yeah!” Mack howls out. She should be quieter now that they are back in an apartment building and so close to the door. But she can’t hold back. Not when he strokes her just right. Or how his balls slap up hard into her ass as he drills her down good. Mack comes loudly, curses and his name sliding from her puffy lips as she lets herself go. 

“I’m sure the neighbors don’t miss that when we were at the farm.” David murmurs into her hair as he pauses for a beat. Mack giggles softly in presumed agreement.

His cock gently glides in and out of her as David savors the wetness of her latest orgasm.  Mack hums, uncurling her fingers from his chest to grip his shoulders. With an idea, David pulls her off of him then the table. When her feet hit the wood floor, he pulls her onto the balls of them and nudges his cock into her from behind. One of his hands holds on her breast and the other spreads across her stomach.

Mack’s palms press hard into the entry way table, feeling it groan and sway like she does with each of his hard pumps into her. The wooden legs begin to wiggle harder. Mack moans for more. Then suddenly all she is holding in her hands is air. The table collapses under his vigorous thrusts, shaking the screws loose until they snap away from the wood. David's arms support her in place before her body can fall from its position.

The couple both groans in pleasure, then laughs to each other. Without the unsteadiness of the table, David drills down even harder. His strong arms hold her flush to his hips so her upper body is suspended in the air.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll build you a new one. Keep watching me fuck you in that mirror.” He insists, cupping her chin and turning her face to watch them.

Mack is in awe of what he is doing to her. How he doesn’t stutter or falter his movements. Just catches her body and keeps that pace like a damn machine. He keeps advancing on her, nothing stopping or slowing him down unless its at her request. David hooks her knee through his left arm, then forces her face onto the mirror over the broken furniture. Her cheek smudges join below the ones from her wrists. 

“Tell me who’s you are?” David demands right when she’s about to reach her high.

“Yours! I’m yours, David!” Her hot breath fogs the mirror beneath her red cheek, making everything hotter.

David’s groan is primal this time as her third orgasm tugs and collapses around him, pulling his seed from his swollen cock. With it comes a string of explicatives and greedy praises of her pussy. 

Mack is spent after they are done. A limp noodle in his arms as David smugly pulls her back into him, both feet on the floor. His fingers roll through her wet slit, teasing her stimulated clit until she shivers. Somehow, he still has energy.

“You’re insane.” Mack murmurs as he stands to his full height, almost unaffected by the orgasms he gave both of them. He strokes at her clit again, deliberate about asking for more. Mack grips his wrist and squeezes. She’s already had three. A fourth will have her covering this entry way and she isn’t open to that experience tonight.

“Could never have enough of ya.” He says simply, but respectfully.

He picks her up into his hands by her bare ass. He carries her to the bathroom where he sets her on the counter. He puts her heels on it, then wipes her clean with a wash cloth. Mack loves this part with him. She’s never had a man so diligent about after care and she’s glad this is the one she gets for the rest of her life.

Afterwards, he sets her down in the walk-in closet, then disappears out to the main area. He comes back with a tumbler of water and fresh cut peaches from the farmer’s market, setting them on her side of the bed. Before he goes to clean himself, he pulls back the comforter for her to crawl under into bed. 

Mack is happily snacking when he returns.

“Gonna get peach juice all over this bed like a lil mouse.” Mack grins, then exaggerates sucking up the peach juice into her mouth.

“That was you earlier.” She teases.

“That will be me tomorrow morning too.” Mack giggles, cheeks turning pink. 

“No, you’ll have to leave so early to hit the weights with Connor.” 

“I would never, ever choose weights with Woody over sucking on your sweet puss, honey.”

“Puss?!” Mack shakes her head, choking on a slice of fruit for a moment. “You’re so weird, babe.” She offers him a peach. 

“What’s weird about enjoying eating my wife’s pussy?” He pops the slice into his mouth, chews once then swallows.

“Calling it a puss is weird.”

“Okay I won’t call it a puss. Can I have another peach, owner of my sweet pussy?” He asks her. Mack giggles through his little pussy speech, eyes squeezed shut in pure joy at her funny, loving man. She hands over the bowl to him, signaling she is done.

As he eats the rest, Mack lays back into her pillows. She shuts her eyes for a moment, realizing how tired she really is. Her body goes still, unable to even adjust the covers over her shoulders better. The sound of the bowl resting onto David’s nightstand greets her ears, then she feels her body being pulled into his. The comforter is adjusted exactly where she likes it immediately after he gets her settled into him.

“Night, baby.” David whispers into her hair.

His breath smells like peaches and that’s the last thing Mack remembers before she falls into a well earned sleep.

- - - & - - -

February

“Are we starting? What do we need? We have to finish before Uncle Davey comes home!” Stella exclaims next to her auntie where she scrolls through the webpage on her phone.

“One sec, Stell.” Mack murmurs, looking over the recipe again. 

“He’s gonna see us!” Stella complains.

“Probably.” Mack nods. “We have to mix all this up, bake it, let it cool, then frost it. So yeah, he’s going see the cake before it’s done. Let’s allow that to be okay.” Stella stares at Mack, then rolls her bottom lip into her mouth. “The act of us making the cake is the surprise.” She soothes her niece. 

“Okay.” Stella nods, coming down from her anxious worries. 

“Chocolate?” Winnie asks.

“Uncle Davey prefers vanilla.” Mack reminds Winnie. Again. For the fourth time.

“Oh.” Winnie sighs, becoming a lil humpbacked with disappointment.  “I chocolate cake?”

“No. How about you and Stella go grab me the measuring cups?”

“Okay!” Winnie yells, taking Stella's hand to the cabinet.

Mack reads off the ingredients and baking supplies to the girls as they rush their little legs around the kitchen to grab them. When everything is set out on the counter, the girls begin. Stella gets to crack the eggs because she has more patience than her sister. Then Winnie gets to put together the dry ingredients to be sifted together. The whole ordeal moves along swimmingly except for a few hiccups. It’s all for the girls’ favorite Uncle after all.

Their favorite uncle who would rather stay in New York and watch their nieces then jet away for another Allstar break.

Lucie and Connor headed to Mexico on their own. Savannah and Lio were going to join them, but then decided to head to California to see Liv and Luca instead. Mack and David had thought about joining those two in California, and bringing the Wood girls with them, but ultimately, they both wanted to be home. Mack has traveled to seemingly every continent since the season started. She needs a break and to rejuvenate at her home base.

“Slow…” Mack murmurs to the girls as they work together to pour the batter into the greased cake pan. Mack holds the bowl while the girls scrape yellow spatulas across the surface. 

“Wait! This has peanuts in it!” Stella suddenly exclaims.

“No.” Mack assures her. Sometimes Stella gets confused with almonds and peanuts. “There is almond extract in it. You can have that.”

“Oh yeah.” She nods then brings the spatula up to her lips. She snickers as she takes a big lick across it with her tongue. Winnie watches, then imitates her older sister.

“Stinkers.” Mack chuckles.

Mack takes the bowl over to the sink and begins to rinse it off. She glances at the oven and sees it is ready to go at the correct temperature. Then the front door opens. The two Wood girls clatter off their step stools and run over to their uncle, dashing to wrap his legs up with their little arms.

“Whoa!” He exclaims, pretending to almost fall over.

This is good. David being back will keep the girls away from the oven while she puts the cake in. Stella would be fine, but Mack doesn’t entirely trust Winnie to not try to crawl on top of the open door. With that in mind, Mack makes quick work of tucking the cake in. When she turns, she laughs at David sliding across the floor with a child on each leg.

“Leg day got to me. So heavy.” He complains to her. The girls burst into giggles.

“It’s us! It’s us!” Stella cheers.

“Cake!” Winnie yells, running over and slapping her hands on the glass door of the oven.

“Win, that’s hot. Please don’t touch.” Mack reminds her. Winnie gasps, then pulls her hands back in a worried hurry.

“Ow!?”

“Let me see.” David murmurs, coming behind her. He crouches down, enclosing her in his arms to take a look. Winnie leans back into the safety of his chest, then gives her palms to him. “Should I kiss 'em?”

“Ya.” Winnie nods seriously, blue eyes big with tenderness. Mack closes her eyes, chuckling as David smooches across her completely fine hands.

“How is that?”

“Good.” Winnie nods, then she runs off into the living room. Stella has disappeared down the hall, probably flipping through the new book her and David picked up yesterday called “History of Bridges.” She has become completely fascinated with architecture, roads, bridges, and other structural landmarks. 

“Hi.” David wraps an around around Mack’s waist. She gets on her tip toes, kissing him in greeting. “What’s that?”

“A cake. For a certain birthday boy.”

“It’s my birthday?” He asks, feigning surprise.

“Yeah, another year older.” Mack pats his chest. 

“Another year full of loving you.”

“Nice. Way to make me look like an asshole.”

“That’s why you married me.” He chuckles.

Mack knocks her knuckles jokingly into his chin. He exaggerates like she punched him then spins and dips her in the kitchen. Mack laughs into their kiss, tilting her head back to look at Winnie who drops a slobbery kiss on her forehead.

“Oh thank you.” She sighs happily at her niece. “Should we watch some TV?” Mack asks Winnie.

“Yeah!” She cheers, jumping into the air with her fist high like Super Mario. She scuttles around the island with David chasing her then flies onto the couch. Mack follows after checking in on Stella, who wants to stay in her room rather than watch the movie.

The three of them snuggle up on the couch. Winnie is on one side of David and Mack on the other. By the time the final credits roll, Winnie is sprawled across David’s entire body, taking up as much residency as she can on him. The cake is almost completely cooled, so Mack calls Stella back out to the main area. David disappears to his and Mack’s place, so the girls can decorate without him peeking.

Stella and Winnie are each given a side of the cake to decorate to keep things as fair as possible. Mack pipes out the words, ‘Happy 60th Birthday, David!’ snickering the entire time. Then she steps back and lets the girls go at it. Winnie completely covers her side in huge piles of sprinkles. Literally piles like leaves in the fall. When Mack suggests she smooth them out, Winnie simply said “No.”

Stella took a more meticulous approach, pressing in mostly blue and red candy beads in a clear pattern. Mack grabs the candles, then gives David a call to come back to the Wood apartment. He pops in, smiling at the girls sitting on the counter, beaming at him.

He comes to the other side of the counter, soaking the girls in as they enthusiastically sing him happy birthday. He looks down at the cake, mouth dropping open in shock when he sees the number 60. He swipes a big finger across the frosting, then wipes it on Mack’s cheek.

“Funny.” He says as Mack laughs so hard tears form in her eyes. David isn’t mad at all. He lets her recover them licks the frosting off her face for her. “Now it’s my favorite flavor.”

“Ew.” Stella mutters. “That’s gross.” 

“Wish!” Winnie yells, eyes wide at the amount of sugar just before her finger tips.

“Hmmmmm.” David contemplates, bringing Mack into his arms. He looks over at her, smiling, then he kisses her tenderly. “Help me girls?”

Winnie and Stella oblige, so the four of them blow his candles out with him.

“I hope you all made wishes!” He exclaims as Mack heads across the kitchen to grab plates. The girls are impatiently patient as she cuts out four slices. They all head to the dining room table to eat. David raves about the cake and the girls beam excitedly, nodding along with his praise. The second the girls are done, they run around the living room together playing. 

“What did you wish for?” Mack asks as her and David hold each other in the kitchen after cleaning up.

“More birthdays like this.”

Mack loves that and agrees.

This birthday has been different than the other ones they have shared. The previous ones were either adult oriented activities or a full out fuck fest. It’s been nice to celebrate her man in a way that aligns more with who he is: soft, full of love, and cozy. Although Mack is still down for the fuck fest if he’s willing to risk it for the biscuit. 

The group orders pizza for dinner, then David opens all of his presents with both Winnie and Stella in his lap. They do more of the opening, but every time it’s not a toy, the girls are bummed. After, it’s time for the girls to get to sleep. Mack and David split bed time. She goes with Stella and he helps Winnie. Stella doesn’t need much help these days, so it’s really just a tuck in and a goodnight. As she is walking back to the living room, Mack laughs at Winnie’s head getting stuck in her pajama shirt.

“Win, ya gotta stop moving.” David chuckles, trying to get her to stand still for a second. She stops moving then stumbles head first into David’s chin. “Ow.” He murmurs, chuckling at Mack in the doorway.

“I sorry.” Winnie pats his chin softly.

“It’s okay.” He assures her. 

Winnie takes his hand as he stands, leading her over to her bed. She wiggles under the covers including her arms then begins to giggle as David forces the comforter under her body.

“Win ‘itto!” She yells. A Winnie burrito - her favorite part of the night.

David and Mack both laugh. 

“Goodnight.” Mack says first, smoothing Winnie's hair back.

“Bye.” Winnie calls, a little yawn stretching her mouth. 

“Goodnight, bug.” David murmurs. 

Then together, him and Mack head out to the living room. 

“I’m tired.” Mack says through a yawn.

“Yeah, me too.”

They both look at the clock, deciding it’s too early to really try to go to bed. Instead, David grabs them both a glass of red wine and they put on an adult focused show. They get interrupted about an hour later by a crying Winnie. She launches towards David on the couch, gripping at his shirt to keep herself as close as possible to him.

“It’s okay. You’re safe, Win.” He murmurs quietly, rubbing her back. She shivers in his arms. David wraps a blanket around her then clasps his hands around her back. “You can lay here with us for a bit.” He soothes her. She nods.

Within ten minutes, she’s out as hot puffs of air hit David’s neck. It’s not long before David is falling asleep too. His head falls back to the couch cushion, mouth open with soft snores. Mack smiles, running her hand through his hair after the movie finishes. On instinct, he flinches then pulls Winnie closer.

“Sorry.” He murmurs, then looks down at the sleeping child. “I’ll bring her back to bed.” 

David sleepily moves through the apartment. Mack clicks off the TV then follows him down the hall. She waits for him as he untangles Winnie from his body. He yawns hugely afterwards, grabbing Mack's hand to lead her down the hall to the bedroom they're staying in. 

As Mack changes into her pajamas, David strips down into shorts. They go through their night time routine- brushing teeth, washing faces, putting on night creams, before falling into bed together.

“Love you, honey.” David mumbles. Mack barely is able to respond before he is out again. 

As David sleeps, Mack thinks over their fun day. There was something a lot more meaningful about this year. It leaves a happy glow in her chest as she replays it in her memories, wanting to remember every moment of it. She wasn’t sure what to expect about having Winnie and Stella for almost a week together, but it’s been a good surprise. They’ve found a comfortable routine. They’re handling any issues that come up in real time. Then they get to fall asleep together in happy, satisfied lumps at the end of another successful day completely in sync. 

Mack's eyes slowly blink open, staring at the ceiling.

Maybe…

Mack isn’t sure how to complete that thought, but she can sense something beginning to shift inside of her. Something fundamental that began as a whisper and now is a gentle coo.

Maybe she could see herself with a life like this after all. 

Read more Mack and David here.

[savage-rhi]

Mending Shadows // Chapter 1

Summary:

Y/N was a simple Scavenger of Lucis, until meeting a deadly blow at the hands of an infected creature. At the crossroads of death, they are found by Niflheim’s cryptic Chancellor with his own agenda. Now bonded to Ardyn Izunia, and tossed into the world of Niflheim, Y/N struggles to cope with their new life as an Imperial Icon all the while battling their feelings toward their fate and that of Ardyn’s.

Click here to read on AO3

Two years before the fall of Insomnia…

Eos’s night sky was scattered with stars and bustling with vibrant colors. Purples and blues danced side by side in the cosmos while constellations signaled their presence. There was a robust earthy scent throughout the Duscae region, symbolizing that the spring rains had dwindled down. Even with the engine of the car roaring, Ardyn occasionally heard Anaks and other creatures let out their nightly bellows and chirps. The Lucian kingdom was always active. Life could flourish in even the darkest of crevices. Even someone such as Ardyn himself. 

Static began to chime from the Vixen’s radio. Ardyn adjusted the frequency so he could listen in. 

The war continues to rage between Niflheim and Lucis. The impasse among political leaders is still in effect. It has been reported from King Regis’s councilmen, that Emperor Adlercapt and his advisers have rejected the proposed consolidations. “...We have failed to appease Niflheim’s tyrannical appetite, and we strongly urge the imperial representatives to reconsider our offer.” A spokesperson stated. 

King Regis had this to say about the failed negotiations. “...Our doors remain open to Emperor Aldercapt should he wish to meet in the middle. This does not mean the people of Lucis will tolerate this ongoing grotesque invasion from Niflheim. If an inch of Lucian soil is tainted by the empire's weaponry while both countries remain locked in negotiations, I will respond with strength.” 

King Regis’s statement has been met with praise and contention. An imperial councilman stated the following: “...The king assumes Niflheim is full of savages. We imperials wish to usher in a new era by spreading our wealth among the Lucian kingdom. Niflheim’s technology and advancements are essential to the world at large, and it is Emperor Aldercapt's wish to ensure the people of Lucis don’t get left behind.” 

An imperial adviser who was at the negotiation table between Lucis and Niflheim had this to say regarding the recent fallout. “...The people of Lucis have been grossly misinformed. Emperor Aldercapt has declined to accept anything for now until Chancellor Izunia returns from his leave of absence. As an act of good faith, Emperor Aldercapt will establish a ceasefire, until he hears his final advisements from the Chancellor and his counsel." 

It has been reported that Chancellor Izunia has taken to illness. There is no word for when he will return to the Emperor's side. 

Both parties of the war have reported feeling relief from the ceasefire recently established. King Regis stated his appreciation earlier this week, giving hope that the next round of negotiations will bear fruit. “...I will forward the courtesy to the Emperor. The armies of Lucis will stand down for as long as the imperials halt their movement. I wish Niflheim’s Chancellor good health while he rests.”  

The kingdom of Lucis will be celebrating prince Noctis’s 18th birthday next week. The prince couldn’t be reached for comment. King Regis will--

“Spoiled brat…” Ardyn huffed and turned the radio off. He sighed, having enough of the real world for the time being. His place in the war was important, but in the grand scheme of things it was of little consequence to his personal endeavors. So long as he could get Niflheim from point A to point B, Ardyn didn’t care much about current events or the emperor's trivial affairs. He lazily gripped the steering wheel of his car and made a left onto a back road after coming to the edge of the highway. 

The detour Ardyn took was a perilous one. He was surprised the Vixen was able to withstand the intense vibrations generated by the debris below the tires. Every few seconds, the car would bounce, causing his body to shift uncomfortably in the driver's seat. Ardyn gritted his teeth and bore most of the impact. Occasionally a curse would depart his lips, but he was quiet. Had it not been for the companion on the passenger's side, there was no doubt Ardyn would’ve behaved irrationally. At the very least, he would’ve loudly exclaimed his disdain for the road. He wasn't one to shy away from road rage on his lonesome. However, in the presence of company, Ardyn liked to keep up appearances that he was precise and collected. A gentleman by all counts. For the public to see his true colors, it would unravel everything he had worked hard to manipulate. 

Y/N was sleeping soundly curled up in the seat opposite Ardyn. The Chancellor's long black coat draped over them like an oversized blanket. Ardyn side-eyed Y/N’s body, turning his head when it was safe to take his eyes off the road. Even in the darkness, he could make out their exhausted features. The spider web veins of the scourge had receded away from their face. He was disappointed that patches remained, but progress was progress. At least Y/N’s color was returning. 

“Oh dear,” Ardyn quietly sighed. His shoulders slouched while he leaned back into the driver's seat. From the distance, he could see the first rays of the sun begin to peak over the mountains. It was only a matter of time before his skin would burn from the warmth of the light.  At this point in the game, Ardyn was used to it. His cells could regenerate quickly enough to where there would be no long-term damage. It didn’t make the experience any less painful. Alas, Y/N needed the protection of his garb more than he did and thus Ardyn allowed Y/N to continue resting. He could get his coat back at a later time.

Though he was calm, Ardyn was enraged at himself. He should’ve disposed of Y/N. Killing them would’ve been the ultimate act of mercy given how the scourge ravaged their soul. Ardyn could practically feel Y/N’s very atoms call out for release. The daemons and minds he carried in himself debated against his choices. Ultimately, the ends justified the means as far as Ardyn was concerned. 

“Ridiculous though, isn’t it?” Ardyn said aloud to himself. He doubted Y/N could hear anything, much less be conscious enough to comprehend his words. “This…wasn’t part of the plan.” 

For as confident, as he was, Ardyn didn’t anticipate a wrench being thrown into his plans. The fault lay with him though he tried to pin it on Y/N. He knew deep down the little spark of hope that was his humanity, appealed to his callous nature to take pity on them; to find purpose in keeping Y/N around. 

“If this is your doing,” Ardyn bitterly said while his eyes briefly looked up at the stars. “I’ll make sure that you get a taste of misery when the end comes for the brat prince and myself.” 

He doubted the dragon king--the great Bahamut--would pay his words any heed but it did erase some of the tension Ardyn had been bottling up. 

The past few weeks had been a whirlwind, to say the least. Not that it hadn’t been entertaining . Ardyn’s mission was a dangerous feat and no doubt would cause trouble. He wouldn’t have it any other way. After all, he was a far cry from the healer he once claimed to be. This Ardyn, Chancellor Izunia of Niflheim, thrived on chaos. He wielded it like a child that discovered his parents locked gun, and learned quickly how best to play with fire. In this case, even if Ardyn failed he’d still win in the end. Sabotage and diversion was part of the game and he managed to score both thus far against his opponent. A common foe he shared with Y/N which in turn led him to this odd relationship. 

“What am I to do with you?” Ardyn thought aloud. His hardened gaze once more landed on Y/N’s body. The muscles around his eyes eased, and Ardyn could feel himself relax. It was kind of nice having a partner in crime. Not that he’d admit it aloud. As far as Y/N was concerned, Ardyn didn’t want them to get the idea he did them a favor out of the kindness of his heart. No. Every action carried a price. That was how Ardyn viewed his relationships with most. The mentality left little to no room for emotional attachment. 

“Yet here you are,” Ardyn muttered bitterly. His hands gripped the steering wheel, concentrating his frustrations into the pads of his fingertips. The Vixen continued to stroll over the endless terrain with Ardyn determined to keep driving until he reached his checkpoint. 

Hours passed since Ardyn began his journey, and he settled down at an establishment with Y/N in tow. When asked about Y/N’s precarious state of rest, Ardyn concocted an emotional tale on the fly to the bookkeeper. The story worked its charm and gained the sympathies Ardyn was looking for. The hush money he added as “tip” also garnered him privacy in case his adversaries decided to snoop around. 

Once Ardyn placed Y/N on the couch, he looked around the hotel room and rubbed the back of his head. The face he made was one of indifference. The place was shallow compared to Ardyn’s refined tastes, but it would make due until Y/N would wake up again. 

Sleep was a commodity an immortal such as himself didn’t need much of, the same could be said for food and drink. Ardyn however needed a break. Laying dormant for a few hours and letting his body be was the best medicine for his current ailment. Having the scourge was a painful curse. Every day for every hour and second, Ardyn’s body was in a state of turmoil. Akin to being stabbed twice over in all the nooks and crannies his vessel contained. If the daemons and minds he absorbed weren’t giving him strife, his physical form took the mantle. Despite being numb to the scourge for 2,000 years, even he had his bad days. 

There had to be drawbacks to his immense power, and having the gift of immortality. The Gods needed to have their checks and balances. And on Bahamut’s end, give Ardyn that extra push to carry out the prophecy of ending the Lucis Caelum bloodline. Ardyn understood that even if he didn’t wish to proceed with familicide, living forever wasn’t an option. Not in this sorry state. 

While Ardyn made himself comfortable in the room after tucking Y/N in, he grimaced hearing the sound of his cell phone going off. Nonetheless, he was quick to answer the device. 

“Are you enjoying your little escapade in Lucis, my friend?” Verstaels' voice cracked with amusement on the other end of the line.

“Very much so!” Ardyn chuckled. He was sitting on the edge of the bed now, kicking off his boots, and shimmied out of his vest while keeping his cell phone pressed between his ear and right shoulder. 

“MedZin is in shambles at the moment. Whatever documents they held dear relating to the scourge, and our research has been destroyed. All their drives were wiped along with key witnesses.” 

“That a fact?” Verstael mused on the other end then hummed. “I didn’t anticipate you’d be so thorough in such little time given how tight security was reported.” 

“It so hurts my feelings you doubt my prowess,” Ardyn smirked. He could feel a sense of pride swell in himself. He loved undermining Verstael’s assumptions. The old man had a dime a dozen these days.  

“I made no such proclamations.” Verstael scoffed. “I must say, perhaps you are projecting? I sense from your voice that you are… winded .” 

Ardyn glared while he adjusted his cell phone, now holding it like normal to his ear after his necessary clothes had been stripped away. He stretched his legs and grunted. 

“I assure you, my friend, I am most euphoric.” Though they were cordial and had a respective friendship, neither Ardyn nor Verstael could deny the cold facts regarding their personalities: that each man had ambition and a large ego. It was inevitable they’d take friendly swipes at the other. 

“Given your state of being,” Verstael began. “I assume you won’t be too upset when I inform you that your rendezvous point has been moved.” 

“Moved?” Ardyn was appalled. He raised a brow. 

“Yes. Moved.” 

“I take it I’m not traveling to Galdin Quay as planned?” 

“I’m afraid so,” Verstael sighed. “You’ve been out of the loop while playing your role, so allow me to explain what has been going on during your absence. Negotiations between Lucis and Niflheim have failed. Emperor Aldercapt claimed a ceasefire and Lucis agreed to it. While the armies are on break and focusing their efforts toward the west of Lucis, Aldercapt is moving the Niflheim armada to the seas between Lucis and Accordo. Should anything happen, you cannot afford to be seen in that vicinity. As far as Aldercapt is aware, you’ve been at a research lab recouping with my aid.” 

Ardyn sighed and rubbed his forehead. He begrudgingly replied. “Of course, our beloved emperor would make such a bold move. He might as well offer the armada on a silver plate to the Lucian army at this rate.”

“For what it's worth,” Verstael interrupted. “I did try to persuade him otherwise. He wouldn’t have it.”

“Nothing I can’t fix when I return.” Ardyn mused. His tone was sly while his mind already concocted ways he could mold this unfortunate situation to his benefit. “I’m positive I can convince Aldercapt to take a more diplomatic approach.” 

“That’s the spirit!” Verstael laughed. “As much as I’d enjoy ransacking the Lucians on the coast, it’s definitely not an area I’m keen on destroying. The resources alone are worth more than the armada itself.”

Ardyn was beginning to grow tired of the conversation. The more relaxed he became, the more his mind drifted into a numbing fog. A rare treat for the likes of himself who was constantly bombarded body and soul. Ardyn wanted to relish in it while he could, especially with not having to entertain Y/N while they slept. 

“Where can I anticipate meeting with Niflheim’s finest?” Ardyn cut to the chase as the upper half of his body collided against the mattress. His legs continued to dangle off the edge of the bed, toes flexing every so often. 

“Head toward Cape Shawe, but keep yourself northbound and inland. There’s a spot with no civilians where an airship can pick you up without detection. You’ll know when you see it. Personal guards will be at your disposal too, led by Commander Tummelt.”  

“Grand,” Ardyn murmured. He didn’t have the energy to tell Verstael to be more specific. Not when he was so close to checking out his consciousness. Ardyn prepared to hang up until Vertsael cleared his throat, signaling he had at least one more matter to discuss. 

“Did you happen to pick up anything or anyone from your little getaway? It’s imperative I know about it now.” 

“Perhaps.” Ardyn chuckled. 

“Perhaps?” 

“I’m playing with an idea. That’s all I can elaborate on.” 

Ardyn tensed. His head leaned up from the mattress, eyes locking onto Y/N who remained sound asleep on the couch with his coat bundled around them. He made a face, knowing he couldn’t remain silent forever nor keep Y/N’s presence away from his militant companion. The old man would find out sooner or later.

Verstael sighed. “This better not become a passion project that’ll get in the way.” 

“Oh come now!” Ardyn laughed. “I thought you enjoyed it when I brought unwilling participants into our little schemes!” 

“Not denying it,” Verstael scoffed. “But given the circumstances and risk of you being in enemy territory, I’m afraid I can’t ravish the thought.” 

“You’ll come around, I’m sure.” Ardyn smiled and while the opportunity presented itself, he hung up and shut his cell phone off. There would be no more interruptions for the night. 

Ardyn let out a breath he had been holding back and his racing thoughts dwindled down. He brushed some of his long locks away from his face, letting the deep maroon strands drift across the pillow behind him. He thought about his previous words. The muscles in his body tensed while he made a fist with his right hand. 

It would be so easy to give Y/N to Verstael for experimentation. Ardyn had done it numerous times with many people. It was all part of a little game he and his companion shared to keep their projects cost-effective and without alerting Aldercapts treasury. Ardyn would use his charisma and status to lure people into his inner circle, and when the victim grew trusting toward him in full would he reveal the trap. He picked his targets with careful consideration, especially if there was a high likelihood they’d bear fruit toward Verstael’s experimentations with the starscourge. 

Verstael wasn’t going to lay a hand on Y/N, that much Ardyn knew. Though he considered himself a corrupt man too far gone in his own misery, Ardyn prided himself on keeping promises. At least when he truly valued the other person. Y/N was still a precious commodity he needed. He’d keep his word to them, for now at least. 

A painful throb began to flex on the underside of Ardyn’s skull. Grunting, he shut his eyes. Flashing images sprang forth into his peripheral while sounds echoed against his eardrums. Laughter, warmth, cities, and faces came and went. People Ardyn didn’t know but felt connected to. Experiences he himself never endured, but his body could remember every touch. Ardyn wished that Y/N’s memories were more coherent. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could undergo these random trespasses to his psyche. 

Ardyn turned and lay down on his right side to ride out the experience. His golden eyes traveled down the length of his body, once more lingering on the couch. He watched Y/N’s chest rise and fall underneath the darkness of his long coat. Their breath was faint, and every so often they’d adjust and pull the jacket over themself when it would fall from their flesh. Ardyn glared at them. The contempt in his eyes was noxious. He wanted to snuff them out right then, and not have to worry about their welfare. Alas, a wave of possession forced Ardyn to relinquish the intrusive thought. 

“Should’ve just left them behind,” Ardyn muttered bitterly to himself. Things would’ve been easier if he didn’t let his heart out of the cage for the first time in centuries, but he made his bed and needed to lie in it. 

Ardyn closed his eyes, allowing remnants of what he assumed sleep felt like to wash over him. Maybe this time around he’d dream. Maybe he’d finally see a familiar face that wouldn’t haunt him. He had to hope. Just this once. 

Notes:

This is my first attempt at writing a reader x canon fic, and writing with they/them pronouns. I myself am nonbinary, and I acknowledge that certain story elements are influenced by my experiences being a female bodied person. I hope despite this, that most readers will be able to enjoy themselves in this work. I don't have a timeline for chapter updates, other than to post when I have the spoons/hit points. Thank you for reading, and for being supportive 💙

[hotsugarbyglassanimals]

Can’t say I’m a big fan of flip flopping between catastrophization and optimism based on whether or not something Bad has happened to me but….. mm

[queenofcthulu]

So I just went through 52 audiobooks in 2023 so let's see what recommendations I can provide. The first few are going to be historical dramas and kind of sad and filled with trauma because I started reading the books at the top of The Most Controversial Books lists BUT their narrators were phenomenal.

This is a very long list, I hope you find something you like from it. Good luck!

1. The audiobook for Bluest Eye is read by Toni Morisson (the author) and she delivers it beautifully. I'm convinced authors who are brave enough or picky enough to narrate their own books are built different and it shows.

2. Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston was a beautiful story of a woman and her journey of love in the 1800s(?) and Ruby Dee does a pheonomal job as the narrator.

3. The Color Purple by Alice Walker, another love story but with a queer twist, roughly in the same time period. She narrated it herself, and my god she does the widest range of accents for a while I was convinced that there was more than one narrator in this book. Or that was Ruby Dee? You'll have to excuse me my memory is very poor and the books were just similar enough that I get them mixed up.

So with my top three best suggestions out of the way I can offer more variety. If you have questions or looking for "similar to" books just let me know. These are listed in the order I read them, I'd recommend any of these but it depends on what the reader's style is to determine if it's a good recommendation.

4. Lolita by Vladimir Nobakov, read by Jeremy Irons (pedophilia is a very difficult subject to read about and it's representation in this is controversial already and Jeremy Irons is very good at narrating it's almost scary, so take caution definitely not for everyone)

5. The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier, read by Frank Muller (slice of catholic school life, coming of age, I found it fun and the narrator was very convincing when a character was talking on the phone while eating a sandwich and that tickled me)

6. The Once and Future Witches by Alix Harrow, read by Gabra Zack an (fantasy, story about three sisters I read cuz I thought it mirrored my family, it was a decent story but I'm not a fan of fantasy much but you might be)

7. Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini, read by himself (it's about a kid and his father and the trauma of the history of Afghanistan and his childhood friend and it's very good, but very sad, so read it if you have the emotional space for it cuz it certainly drained me)

8. The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride, read by Dominic Hoffman (it's technically a period drama but it feels less grounded in realism than the rest, that didn't stop it from being a damn good story)

9. The Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao, read by Rong Fu (if you like fantasy and you liked Pacific Rim then this is the book for you, the sequel just came out and I plan on reading it also. I'm American and while I have issues remembering names in general, I did struggle more to keep all the characters separate because the characters are based on historical Chinese figures, most notably the only female Chinese Emperor but I mixed up the names constantly so I had to go back and read it twice which I didn't mind)

10. The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood, read by Betty Harris (I didn't particularly like this narrator but the story was good enough to read despite it. It's 1984 but better. I haven't seen the Amazon show yet but heard it was good. This book on its own is a bit of a heavy book, but it's made worse by the parallelisms to modern political climates intentionally and expertly done by the author because she based it on true news headlines form the 1970s(?) so it was good but genuinely shook me to the core)

11. The Ocean at the End of the Lane by Niel Gaiman, read by himself (it was whimsical and reminded me a bit of Wrinkle In Time in a way, would probably make a good movie, I didn't particularly enjoy it but I needed some not serious books on this list...)

12. Underground: The Tokyo Gas Attack and the Japanese Psyche by Haruki Murakami, read by Feodor Chin, Ian Anthony Dale and Janet Song (Welp back to the serious stuff...if you like documentaries I would recommend this book. It's an oral history which means it's less about the facts and more about the opinions and experiences of people, it's direct interviews with victims, it taught me a lot and was done well. My only regret is not knowing Japanese because the English version only translated half the interviews and I'd have happily listened to more.)

13. Babel by R. F. Kuang, read by Chris Lew Kum Hoi and Billie Fulford-Brown (period fantasy, language magic, I enjoyed it but wanted it to be more educational lol but that's just me, I do recommend it)

Uhhh I'm running out of energy to recall descriptions or comments for all these books so I'm just gonna go rapid fire on these and you'll have to figure them out yourself.

14. The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen

15. The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows

16. The Book Theif by Markus Zusak

17. The Rose Code by Kate Quinn

18. Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

19. The Women by Kristin Hannah

20. The Light Between Oceans by M. L. Stedman

And finally, some books that do not have audiobooks (either because they were unavailable to me or the book is formatted in a way that reading it doesn't make sense, or would defeat the purpose of the formatting) but I would encourage anyone to read someday.

21. Flowers For Algernon by Daniel Keyes

22. Piranesi by Susanna Clark

23. Breakfast at Tiffany's by Truman Capote (I read this with rose colored glasses because I love Audrey Hepburn so take this with a grain of salt)

any more audiobook recommendations ppplllleeaaassseeee 😖😖🥺

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Ahahahah

I feel like shit

And im 99% sure its because I'm stressed

I always feel sick when im stressed

But the stress always gets worse now when that happens cuz of covid. Which makes me feel more sick.

Awesome 👍👍👍👍👍👍👍

[celestialmancer]

⛈️ ❌ ❌ ❌ // 2:09 am, tbd ;

[pellucid-constellations]

Fable - Before

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Being in love with Azriel wasn’t hard; you’d been doing it for over 400 years. But things were changing, and soon, you would be changed. 

Word count: 2k

Warnings: Angst, pining

a/n: This is part of a mini-series but each part can be read on its own/out of order. I know I'm like attacking everyone with this random fic I just started but it's getting my writing muse going and it's exciting!! Enjoy :)

Series Masterlist (all parts ♡)

~~

“Do you think that’s the best idea, Az?” you promoted, cringing a bit as you hid your face in the racks of clothing along the store’s edge. “I mean, Rhys seemed pretty adamant that you… I don’t know—not pursue her?”

Azriel tsked, pressing his hand to the middle of your back as he passed behind you. You turned your wings in. “Rhys doesn’t understand. He only understands the pull of the mating bond and nothing else. But Elain doesn’t want Lucien, I’m sure of it.” 

Something twisted in your gut. “Okay, I believe you. But what if—” 

“Please, y/n, something else now. My failure of a love life must bore you.” 

You bit into your lip as you contemplated ignoring his request. He had done nothing but speak of Elain since you started your outing this evening, but the moment you questioned the feasibility of his plans, the topic was suddenly moot. 

“I was just going to ask,” you broached, turning from the clothes to face the shadowsinger. A necklace display enthralled him. “What if you found your mate? What then?” 

Azriel broke his gaze with the jewels. “That wouldn’t matter. This is different, y/n. You must see that. Three sisters for three brothers. It’s as if it’s a test of fate.” 

“Right,” you nodded, fighting off the urge to throw up or scream. “Destiny, maybe.” 

Azriel’s responding grin did little to soothe you. “Exactly. I knew you would understand. You’ve always understood me.” 

You offered a weak smile, biting the inside of your cheek as he ushered you out of the store with a gentle hand on your shoulder. 

This was getting more and more difficult to tamp down. 

When Azriel first became enamored by Elain, you thought it temporary. He had been chasing after Mor for so long; that wouldn’t be trumped by a woman he just met. And you were used to the way he pined for Mor. It hurt, but it was familiar. 

Azriel never seemed to think he had a real chance with her. 

But with Elain—with Elain, he figured he had a fighting chance. He saw the success of his brothers and felt that this was his chance at happiness. He never looked at you the way he looked at her, and he had had so many opportunities to do so. 

He never spoke of you the way he spoke of her. 

This hurt more than it did with Mor.

But still, Azriel was your family, so you pretended that it didn’t. You sat back and listened as he spoke of his grand plans to court her and sneak past Rhysand. You tried your best to provide good input and smiled when you were supposed to. 

You loved him from afar. 

He loved you differently. 

It wasn’t his fault.

“Did Rhys ever say what he wanted to talk to you about?” Azriel asked after a short stint of silence, the sounds of your steps along the streets of Velaris rhythmic and soothing. 

You blinked and focused your attention back on Azriel. “Oh, um, some mission at the camps I think.” 

“Anything big?” 

“I don’t think so. A little unrest but I think he just wants me to make sure the women are training.” 

“Need me to come?” 

“I would, but I leave tomorrow night. Isn’t that when you—you know…” 

Azriel sucked in a breath through his teeth. “Oh, that’s right.” He tilted his head to the side, weighing his internal conflict. “I could try to move some things around. Elain could—” 

“No, Az, it’s fine,” you interrupted, trying to forget about the times he would restructure his entire schedule to accommodate you. “You have to be diligent with the times you see her. I can see if Cass can come with me.” 

“Are you sure?” he posed, the question twisting his brow. 

You looked up at him, examining each tell on his face. You’d known him so long you were sure you would never forget his face—never scrub your mind of the intricacies that told you of each emotion he felt. 

Many claimed that Azriel was hard to read. As a Spymaster, that was the goal. But you saw through it all. You’d seen him as a boy and you saw him now. 

There was something unfamiliar on his face as you looked at him now. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” The words hurt as they came out. 

Azriel breathed through a smile. 

“I like my chances this time.” He curled his finger beneath your chin in a playful tap. 

That sounded the same. 

~~

“You sure you don’t want me to come, sweetheart?” Cassian asked for the fourth time, the table between you filled with a plethora of distractions that you were all too grateful for. 

You darted your gaze to the side, eager to ensure that Azriel hadn’t heard the loudmouth in front of you. “Yes, Cass. Now quit it. I got it, okay?” 

Cassian sent the pair at the end of the table a perfunctory, almost irritated glance. “It’s a pretty hostile camp you’re headed into. I feel like you should bring backup.” 

“And I feel like you have four other camps to go to today. And a pregnant mate to tend to, no?” 

“Nesta would sooner bash me over the head with her books than let me coddle her. I’ve tried.”

“Well, just… linger around her, I don’t know. Just know that I’m fine and don’t need a babysitter.” 

From the other end of the table, Elain giggled, the sound light and airy. You snuck a glance out of the corner of your eye to find the shadows along the table retreating to the floor. A few had begun to creep towards you, but you shooed them away with a flick of your foot, wanting to keep the conversation away from Azriel’s ears. 

They listened to you—for the most part. 500 years of pestering them made them give a little. 

“Az can’t come?” Cassian asked, his mouth half filled with roasted potato. “He’s not on anything this week.” 

You raised your brow and stared back at the sheepish look the general offered, waiting for him to chew his breakfast before you replied. “He can’t. Spy business.” 

“Spy business.” Cassian deadpanned.

“Uh-huh.” 

Cassian’s skeptical look rivaled your chastising one. “This doesn’t need to go like this and you know that.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Right. I’ve only known you since we were twelve but I’m going to pretend that you aren’t covering for the one person you—” 

“Cassian.” 

“I don’t want to see you hurt.” 

“Why would she be getting hurt?” Azriel spoke up, his head finally turned from his near-permanent gaze on Elain. 

“I wouldn’t,” you cut in, speaking over the beginning of Cassian’s sentence. “You know how Cassian is, always worrying too much.”

“Is there something to worry about?” Elain asked, looking between the members of the table, her question sweet and ironic coming from her mouth. 

“No—” 

“Yes.” 

“No, there isn’t” you gritted out, throwing Cassian a look. The smile you sent to Elain took effort. “I’m just going on a routine mission, but you know how Illyrians are—overprotective to a fault.” 

Elain nodded and blushed with a soft gleam in her eye, and, Gods, you were reminded why you’d stopped eating breakfast at the House. You bit the inside of your cheek to fight the swell in your throat. 

“I thought Cassian was going to go with you,” Azriel questioned. “You said he could.” 

Cauldron, you really should have taken breakfast in your room. 

You tore your gaze from Elain’s shy expression and blinked at Azriel. He was sat up straighter, brows shot upwards in an accusatory fashion that made you feel that you were in trouble. When you took a moment to respond, he tilted his chin forward, ready to catch you in a lie. 

And you were an awful liar. 

When you were thirty, Azriel had to teach you how to lie to help stave away the men that came with emerging adulthood. That had been mortifying for many reasons, but mainly because he was having you lie about being his mate. Your feelings had become complicated around that time and Azriel did not seem to share the sentiment. 

But you could lie about this with ease. You had become a practiced liar over the years—when it came to hiding your feelings. 

“I-I got an update from Rhys. He said the camp is more settled. I’m only going to watch from afar. They won’t even know I’m there.” 

A lie—a fat lie. But Azriel should be happy. He should pursue Elain as he wanted. You shouldn't get in the way. You needed to get away from them, actually. 

You needed the space. 

You felt Cassian’s disappointed stare on the side of your face but ignored the hole it was burning into your skin. 

“He didn’t inform me of that,” Azriel muttered. He looked to Elain—sweet Elain with her soft eyes and gentle features—and contemplated his night once again. “I think I should come with you. Reports could be conflicting or fabricated.” 

And the way Elain deflated made you press your lips together in a line. Azriel sent her an apologetic, downturned smile and you gathered that he was apologizing for you. You would always be an apology for him, a responsibility. 

Your foot had been shaking under the table without you noticing it, but the moment Azriel’s eyes wandered to Elain, the motion abruptly stopped. You gathered your resolve, sent Cassian another warning glance, and looked back to the man who never saw you. 

“I don’t want you to come, Azriel. I’m bringing Lucien.” 

A low blow, but not one that was uncalled for. 

It had the effect you were hoping for, with both Azriel and Elain sending shocked expressions your way, the former affronted and the latter looking lost. 

“Lucien?” Azriel parroted. 

“Yes,”  you confirmed, taking a causal sip from the cup before you. “Rhys thought it would be good for him to see more than just Velaris and the mortal lands. I’m picking him up before I leave.” 

“And you think he would protect you if the Illyrians went rouge?” Azriel’s tone was bordering on aggressive, his question pointed towards Cassian. 

“The Illyrians are always rouge, Az. That’s kind of the point of all this,” you joked, but the joke didn’t land.

Tension at the table remained. Cassian wasn’t saying anything, his arms crossed and his eyes locked on yours. Your foot started shaking again. Elain, of all people, was the first one to speak. 

“Lucien would protect her,” she nodded, pushing her food around her plate. “He would. He’s… a good male.” 

That altered Azriel’s train of thought very evidently if one were able to pick apart the soft widening of his eyes and the slight twitch of his mouth. All things you caught so easily. 

All things that led him to agree that you should go with Lucien. All tells that made him refocus his attention on Elain and ignore the shallow breaths you let out when you lied.

Because you would be fine with Lucien. Maybe if you went with Lucien, one of Azriel’s suspected obstacles would be removed. Maybe Lucien would start to want you the same way he wanted Elain. 

Only, Lucien wasn’t going with you, and there would never be a time that a conversation like this would happen again. 

A different obstacle, for a different time. 

[moha-madhoun]

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Hello , my name is Muhammad Al-Madhoun. I am 35 years old. I live in occupied Palestine, North Gaza, which I love , and which has been subjected to criminal war and genocide since October 7, 2023 more than 400 days.

I was working in a law firm before the war, and now I have been out of work and without any income for more than 400 days.

The picture below is of me working in my law office before the genocide began.

I have two children, Ziad, 5 years old, and his sister Mirna, 2 years old. We were living a good life before the current war in the Gaza Strip. After the war, my children, like the rest of the children in Gaza, lived a miserable life in a shelter center that includes more than 300 people. My family, my children and I are constantly exposed, almost weekly, to diseases resulting from infections and viruses resulting from the unsuitable life and the great mixing between the displaced people in the center and moving between different shelter centers more than once.

I have been displaced for the sixth time to the Khan Younis (Al-Mawasi) area. I live with my family and our belongings in a room inside a shelter that does not exceed 12 square meters. Living in a shelter is indescribably difficult in all aspects. We face many problems every day due to the high prices and scarcity of basic materials such as food and cleaning materials, which has led to us bearing very high daily expenses in light of the loss of my source of income.

The photos below show me with my children Ziad and Mirna before the genocide.

- Since the beginning of the genocidal war, I have lost my only source of income until now, as I have been working in the legal profession as a "lawyer" since 2016-2017, and it seems that I have stopped practicing this profession since the beginning of the genocidal war on Gaza City, as a result of the complete destruction of my law office and the workplaces associated with this profession, such as courts, ministries and commercial companies. I have lost my profession completely or partially for many years as a result of what the devastating war on Gaza has caused.

Since the beginning of the genocide in the Gaza Strip and for more than a year of complete loss of income, due to the scarcity of basic goods and the increase in prices of many of them by nearly 20 times, and due to the repeated displacement of nearly 6 times and moving from one place to another, all the money I had was depleted. Now, for many months, I have been completely dependent on what I get through my campaign on the Gofundme.

The picture below shows the room i live in it with my family.

The picture below shows my little daughter mirna helps me filling water

In the preparation of food, we often rely on some canned food that arrives to Gaza from outside, in addition to some grains such as lentils and rice, which are available in a scarce way in Gaza.

Obtaining vegetables has become a very difficult task, due to its scarcity and scarcity of some of them, and their prices have risen about 40 times or more, as a result of the absence of any land farming operations since 5 months since the beginning of the war in Gaza, with an almost complete lack of all kinds of fruits, because they did not enter through aid. or crossings.

During this genocidal war which is still going on to this day and more, my house was severely damaged which resulted in the destruction and vandalism of the roof, walls, tiles, decorations, doors of the house, etc. It also caused almost complete destruction and loss of most of the contents of the house especially the furniture, wooden doors of the rooms, all the windows, electrical appliances, children's toys and everything in my house.

It also displays my law firm, which is the only source of income for destruction and destruction, including the contents, furniture, electrical appliances, laptops, important files and documents , etc. in addition to the complete destruction of most of the headquarters related to my work, such as the courts. And the public prosecutions, burning them, and destroying all their documents, which exposes me to a high probability of losing any financial income through the legal profession for a period of up to 3-4 years or more.

Here are some pictures of them in our partially destroyed house

I need the support of friends abroad to help me buy daily supplies and needs such as food, clothes, cleaning materials, cooking gas, etc., in addition to rebuilding and repairing some of the partial damage to my home when the war ends and I return to my home in northern Gaza, in addition to buying what I lost, whether in my home or the law office, and buying the necessary home furniture and electrical appliances, and to be able to find an amount of money that will help me continue my daily life as I lived before the war, or enable me to travel outside Gaza, or enable me to establish a suitable small project, or any other work through which I can provide a good financial income after I lost my profession for many years to come, which may be very long due to the destruction that has affected all aspects of life in the Gaza Strip.

[avocado-writing]

pairing: logan howlett x reader x wade wilson

rating: E, minors dni, 18+ (mmf threesome; resolved sexual tension; sex pollen; unprotected p in v sex; oral [f receiving]; double penetration)

words: 6.7k

summary: you, logan and wade are on a stakeout after reports of a new drug which only affects mutants. but what happens when you accidentally get a hit of it yourselves…? (the sex pollen fic from the poll! thank you @eupheme for betaing for me, i owe you my life!)

“I spy with my little eye…”

“Wade, I swear to god…” Logan’s voice is a low rumble, a warning.

“Awww c’mon, peanut! What else do we have to do? Indulge me in my childlike whimsy.”

“Let me guess,” you say, shelling a pistachio before throwing it in the air to catch it on your waiting tongue, “you spy something beginning with R-D, which is the rising damp, which is the fourth goddamn time you spied it because there’s nothing else in this fucking place.”

Wade huffs and throws himself back in his chair. 

“Killjoy,” he mutters, and goes back to carving obscene doodles into the side table with baby knife. 

On the first day you were happy to play along, just to ease the boredom and tension which came hand-in-hand with this arrangement. Now it’s been five of them, stacking on top of each other and getting claustrophobic-heavy, the three of you crowded into each other’s space and on the razor’s edge.

Something is going to break, and you’re worried it’ll be Wade’s nose under Logan’s fist.

What a stupid fucking mission. You should never have said yes.

Ever since the whole Void situation was resolved you, Logan and Wade have been X-Men adjacent. Not part of the group exactly but happy to play along if needed. This most recent assignment had been a request from Piotr - there was something going on downtown to do with trafficking drugs which affected mutants, and someone needed to keep an eye on it. Couldn’t be anyone from the mansion, they’re all hands on deck at the moment keeping an influx of kids in check. But the three of you? With no jobs between you and an urge to do good?

It was a problem with an obvious solution.

It’s a stakeout. Which means sitting and waiting and holy fuck is it boring. 

You can tell something is going on in the alley across the street but you’ve had strict instructions not to take action until you see the guy in charge: thickset man with a penchant for misdeeds and built like a brick shithouse. Once you have proof he’s involved, you’ll get the go-ahead to close in and shut the place down in whatever manner you see fit.

But until he comes in, your little trio has no choice but to stay put, watching petty criminals come and go with no idea they’re being monitored.

Life has revolved around watches from the dingy window. Usually two of you will stay up while one of you tries to get some sleep on one of the uncomfortable twin beds that have been provided, but it isn’t easy to drift off when it feels like the mattresses are made of cinder blocks stuffed with broken glass. It isn’t that you’re unused to being in each others’ spaces - if you’re not at their apartment they’re at yours, after all, you are friends - but this is different. You have the luxury of walking away from each other in normal day-to-day life when things gets too much. Here? Here, you’re stuck until you’re done with the job. You’re all tired, irritated, and desperate for entertainment. You’ve even considered chopping off your own hand to watch it grow back, just for something to do.

And the thing is that’s not the worst of it. Ever since the three of you returned from the Void there’s been something there. Something difficult to pin down, exactly.  A niggling little feeling worming its way through your body. Something which thrums every time Wade flexes the muscles in his hand and you see his long, strong fingers; every time Logan grits his jaw and the tendons in his neck throb. 

Oh, right. You sort of really want to fuck them both.

You don’t go through something that traumatic and not have deep-rooted feelings which surpass normal boundaries. You fought for each others’ lives. You’re bonded in a way people rarely are. And the more time you spend with them the blurrier the lines between platonic and fucking soulmate become. You’ve seen both of them stare at you - and each other - when they think you’re not looking, so you’re sure this isn’t something that only you are harbouring. It’s a secret desire harboured by all three of you.

Like you said, something is gonna break. And in this shitty little surveillance room? It’s gonna break soon.

A movement outside. The three of you sit forward to take a look at the evening’s street view, only to fall back into your chairs as it turns out to be a false alarm. Just a pedestrian walking by. You’re going to go insane.

You drum your fingers on your thighs just to keep them busy, then turn to Logan. 

“You got a smoke?”

He cocks a brow at you.

“You want a cigar?”

“Nothing else to fucking do.”

“Whoa, hey!” says Wade, putting his hand on Logan’s arm as he roots around in his jacket pocket, “No no no, you quit last year! Don’t start up bad habits again unless I’m the one convincing you to, pookie.”

“Wade, c’mon. I’m gonna lose my mind if I don’t have something to do,” you groan. Plus, really, you’d kinda like something to suck on, just to relieve some of the ache in your belly.

As if Wade can hear your thoughts he pipes up again.

“Well if you’re that desperate to use your mouth, I know what we could play to pass the time…”

You and Logan groan in unison, and he balls his fist in a way which suggests it’s not long until the claws come out. Wade holds up his hands to signify peace.

“Whoa, chill out, honeybadger. No need to get scratchy. You don’t have to join in if you don’t want to… but it’s more fun the more people there are.”

Accepting there’s nothing else to pass the time, Logan lets out a long, exhausted sigh and lets Wade continue.

The mercenary licks his lips as if, for once, considering his phrasing. Then blurts out what he wanted to say anyway.

“We could play blowjob roulette.”

It was a foolish time to take a drink of your soda, because you spurt it out your nose. After a moment of mopping yourself up with your sleeve you manage a, “what?!”

“Well, oral roulette I guess, if we’re being PC about it.”

“Oh my god,” Logan groans, getting to his feet and stomping into the tiny excuse for a kitchenette, grabbing a beer and opening it with such gusto that the cap bounces off an adjacent wall.

“It doesn’t have to mean anything! We just spin the bottle and whoever it ends up pointing out deals out a round of Australian kisses for the other players. Relieves the boredom, and it’s fun to see how long everyone lasts.”

Your mouth is open, you’re sure of it. You’re looking at Wade in abject horror. This has got to just be part of his stupid bravado, right? Making an ill-timed joke?

Because the other option is he’s serious.

Logan drinks. You stare. Wade rabbits on.

“I’m just saying we used to play it at Sister Margaret’s all the time, when we were waiting for new marks to come in and didn’t have anything better to do! It wasn’t gay or anything except for, you know, the rampant homoeroticism of slurping everyone’s gherkin.”

“Did you… did you ever have to do it?” you ask, morbid fascination taking over. He scoffs.

“Did I ever have to… pookie, I’ve taken more loads than my building’s washing machine. Yeah, I’d say I’m pretty fucking great at it.”

He’s staring at you with an intensity which makes you feel like you’re on fire, but from embarrassment or enthusiasm you’re not sure. 

“So?” he asks, quietly, putting a hand on your knee. Your body burns. You swallow. You look to Logan. 

He sighs. Finishes his beer, but in a way which suggests he’s giving in. You see the way Logan’s teeth touch his bottom lip. The start of a fricative. 

He’s going to say fine.

Movement out of the window. You bolt up, knocking Wade’s hand away. He deflates.

“Aww. But I really wanted to - ”

“No, guys - look!”

They quickly crowd you, following where you point. A huge man walks into the alleyway, flanked by underlings, the bulk of him taking up the small space.

“There’s our guy,” you say, “let’s go.”

You descend upon the alleyway in a flash of swords and claws. You tug your cowl up over your nose to protect your face, hand on one of your Brügger & Thomet MP9s as the three of you come face-to-face with the door you’ve been monitoring all week.

“So are we going in sneaky style, or—”

Logan rips the door off its hinges, throwing it down the length of the alley; he is desperate to be done with this. You exchange a look with Wade.

“Okiedokie, asked and answered I guess,” he sighs, grabbing his Desert Eagles from his holsters.

You both follow Logan who’s thrown himself into the middle of the lab claws-first. Two-thirds of the people scream and flee, the others stand their guard and grab their guns.

Fingers on triggers, you take a beat to examine the situation.

Equipment everywhere. Beakers and cylinders you can possibly guess the use for, set up on desks and synthesising something nasty. The boss is standing in the middle of the room, eyebrow cocked and mild annoyance plastered on his face. Bingo. You make a beeline for him, taking a couple of bullets in your flank as you go.

“Cover me!” you shout to Wade. He pulls his katana out of a guy’s head and throws you a bloodied thumbs-up.

“Got your back, pookie! Hate to see you leave, love to watch you spill entrails as you go!”

As if he was predicting your next action, you whip your knife out of your belt and stab it in an assailant’s belly, watching his warm guts slide onto the floor. He releases a strangled noise as he drops to his knees - you make a move to continue on your way to the boss only to feel someone pick you up.

“Shit!” you mutter as you’re hoisted into the air. Wade and Logan stop their onslaught to turn at the sound of your panic, their eyes both going wide as they see you restrained. With a twinned shout of your name they come running to help.

Aww, your boys. It’d be cute if you weren’t bracing yourself for the pain.

Your attacker launches you across the room. A couple of seconds go by as you fly through the air - and then into a table full of test tubes and pipettes.

A great cloud rises into the air. A cloud of spores?

Before you can get a chance to properly read the situation, Wade and Logan are at your side. Sturdy hands grasp around your forearms and you’re dragged to your feet. 

Of course, it goes unnoticed…but all three of you take in a deep breath.

“You okay, baby?” rasps Logan. 

“Yeah, I’m f— move!” you scream, shouldering him out of the way so you can sink your knife into the neck of the man about to spray bullets down his spine. As you rip through the soft skin at his throat something occurs to you. 

‘Baby’? Where did that come from?

Not that it isn’t nice, obviously, but… it’s unlike Logan to show that much tenderness ever. Especially with pet names.

Oh well, no time to dwell.

Picking bits of glass from your biceps you tank a punch from a man closing in on your left, parry his next couple of blows, then shoot him in the dick. Wade has called this a ‘low blow’ before which isn’t incorrect but honestly, there’s no time for fighting fair when it’s 3-versus-30. 

The boss has finally gotten involved. A pair of brass knuckles shines against his fist as he swings at Logan, a meaty crack filling the air in a way which you’re worried might actually have dented one of your friend’s ribs. Wade uses the distraction to stab a katana into the guy’s back, then another one a little further up - using him like a goddamn climbing wall. The boss roars like an animal and attempts to swat him off but there’s no use. His massive bulk is working against him, and Wade can be a fast little motherfucker when he wants to be.

Wade lets out a ‘peekaboo!’ as he pops up over the boss’s shoulder, pressing his pistol into the meat of his neck and firing. Blood sprays across the floor but somehow the guy doesn’t stop, not even when Logan picks himself back up and sinks both his claws into his stomach; it only elicits another snarl.

Okay, time to close.

You sheath your guns and go back to your knife, using Logan as a launchpad as you throw yourself off the arch of his back and into the air - stabbing down into the boss’s skull with a dull thunk.

A line of blood dribbles out of his mouth. He starts to fall.

“Uh oh - call me Ke$ha, because I’m yelling timber!” Wade warns. With a snarl Logan rips his claws free from muscle, snatching you off of the boss’s corpse as he stumbles forward under his own weight. Pulling you free you both lose your footing, and you crash down onto your friend.

You look at Logan.

He looks at you. 

Suddenly, his hands clasp around your hips. Probably you move you off of him…

And then you’re on fire. 

Like gasoline has made a line from his touch to your cunt, everything in you is set ablaze. Your pussy clenches and you’ve never felt so empty before - or at least not so aware of it.

There is a cock-shaped hole and it’s begging to be filled.

You expect Logan to freak out, you’re freaking out - you never thought you had a murder kink but you guess you’re never too old to find out something new about yourself - but he doesn’t.

Instead you just see him furrow his brow as if processing something; then acknowledge the press of his hardening cock rub against your thigh as he bucks up into you.

Oh no. Something is wrong.

When you feel Wade grab your shoulder and haul you back to your feet it’s the same, that delicious burning sensation rocketing through you… and from the way he moans as soon as his hands are on you, the feeling is mutual. 

“Fuck. Fuck,” he breathes. Yeah. You want to, that’s the issue.

You stagger away from him with wide eyes and electric skin, a beat passing between the three of you as the people left in the lab decide to give up the fight now their boss is toast. Hearts racing, hands wanting to reach out and touch.

Logan is the one to break the silence.

“We should call in and let the others know we’re done,” he manages. You nod.

“Yeah. Can we… can we go back across the street? I don’t feel so good.”

“Oh, don’t you go Spider-Man Infinity War Part 1 on me,” Wade chuckles. You don’t have the energy to work out what he’s referencing, especially when a jolt goes through your body to your cunt when you feel his eyes meet yours. 

Damn. This is bad. 

“Yeah. Of course, honey,” Logan manages. He goes to put his hand on the small of your back and then thinks better of it, though you can feel its nearness like a magnetic pull. You almost moan when he retracts his touch instead. Wade whips his phone out and fires off a message to let someone know a cleanup crew is needed as you stagger out of the alleyway and back across the street. 

You didn’t bother closing the door when you ran out, too desperate to monopolise on the chance of getting your mark. The three of you tumble back into the room you’d been dying to get out of just a scant few minutes ago, relieved to be in the privacy of its confines again.

A moment passes as all three of you adjust to the feeling coursing through your bodies.

“What’s happening?” you breathe, bracing your hands on the back of your go-to wooden chair and breaking it with the force of your grip. You wince at the sound of splintering, blood dripping down your palms before you feel it heal over.

“I’ve not felt like this since I first discovered how easy it was to masturbate to Good Housekeeping,” Wade groans, whipping off his mask as he flops down onto the battered-up-couch. Logan has made his way to the fridge again, practically ripping its door off to get to a beer which he downs in one swig. Fuck. It’s so sexy. You want to lick the muscles in his neck.

“It’s a pollen,” he states, voice rocky in a way which goes straight to the burning pit of your stomach. You and Wade exchange a look and then turn to him, waiting for further explanation. “Only has a reaction in mutants. Charles said it was something about putting the id into overdrive, like a fuckin’ adrenaline shot to the libido.”

“It… it makes you aroused?” you manage, attempting not to rock your cunt into the palm of your hand. Logan grunts.

“Was trying to be more tactful, but yeah, honey. That’s the idea.”

Honey. The pet name once again goes down your spine.

“Fucking sorry,” says Wade, “someone was manufacturing this stuff as a drug for what? To make mutants too horny to fight?”

Logan shrugs, still not tearing his gaze from his empty bottle, as if to agree it’s his best guess. Wade’s head falls back against the sofa’s arm.

“I mean, damn, they could have just shown me any frame from Magic Mike XXL and it would have had the same result. Seems like a lot of effort.”

Something about the way Logan talks sticks out to you, you circle back around to it. 

“Logan, you seem to know a lot about this stuff… have you encountered it before?”

Another beer grabbed and chugged down, the forward hunch in his shoulders physical evidence of his walls raising. 

“Once. Back in the day with the other X-Men.”

“How did you get through it? Does it go away?”

Logan doesn’t reply. Drinks.

The unspoken answer sinks in.

“Oh my god, you had to fuck it out, didn’t you?” gasps Wade. Logan doesn’t even growl. Jesus Christ he’s right. “Who was it? Storm? Beast? By the love of all things 100k+ enemies-to-lovers-slowburn, tell me it was Cyclops.”

Logan doesn’t dignify him with an answer, instead putting the empty bottle down with enough force you’re surprised it doesn’t shatter.

“It’ll pass. I just need to sit it out,” he reasons, the grit in his jaw suggesting this isn’t the optimal solution. You feel your eyebrows tug together, a crease of concern settling between them.

“But…”

“I’ll be fine.” The way he says it, he’s trying to convince himself more than anyone. With the room in the air practically throbbing he heads to the bedroom, leaving you and Wade alone.

Holy shit. You and Wade are alone.

Your eyes wander over to him, to find his gaze is already resting heavy on you. Your skin lights up.

“So, uh,” he starts, shifting himself awkwardly where his hard-on is trapped in his suit, “you read any good books lately?”

That does help to alleviate the tension and you find yourself chuckling, only for the relief to be ablated when your empty pussy pulses. You whine.

“Wade…”

As soon as you say his name he’s rushing over to you, helping you sit down on the ruined chair. You both moan as hot skin slides against hot skin. 

“Look, it isn’t…” you groan as you slide your hand up his bicep. Fuck, he’s strong. “...it isn’t a crazy idea to help each other out, right? We’re friends. It’s just two friends giving each other a hand…”

Wade dips down to run the bridge of nose along the line of your jaw, letting his lips drop to the pulse in your neck.

“Just friends…” he mutters. You buck up into nothing. Oh, god. You’re going to die here. “Baby?”

Oh shit, oh fuck. You want him to call you that over and over again, stamp it into your fucking mind.

“Yeah?” you reply, the word ripped rawly from your throat.

“I wanted to do this before we even left this goddamn apartment, you think I might have changed my mind after the mutant viagra?”

He pulls back just enough for you to see the seriousness on his face. No, he’s not joking, not saying something dirty just because he thinks it’s funny. 

He’s saying it because it’s true, and it’s both thrilling and terrifying. 

“Can I?”

Oh, it’s so tempting to say yes yes yes… but the more tempting thing is to tease him. Just a little.

You hook your leg over his shoulder and he groans as you dig your heel into the muscle of his back. He groans loud and long.

“Wade?”

“Mmm?”

“Ask me properly.”

His breath hitches in his throat, and you’re pretty sure he’s making a mess in his suit.

“Fuck, can I eat you out, baby? Please?”

You nod so fast you fear you’ll break your neck.

Wade lifts you like you weigh fucking nothing at all, strong arms scooping you up and bringing you to the couch - desperate for more space. His hands move quick and roughly as he goes to the pants on your suit, so wracked with need his fingers shake just from the promise of getting to touch you properly. You help him as much as you can, toeing off your boots and helping him tug your underwear off along with your waistband. His eyes widen as he realises your panties are in his hands. He takes a moment to run his thumb over the cotton of them and he fucking moans. Oh, god damn it, you’re going to be fucking ruined.

“Fuck. Never seen a pussy look this good,” he breathes as he finds himself face-to-face with your dripping cunt. You’re already so wet that it’s embarrassing and, while it would be easy enough to blame on the pollen, you know that you’ve wanted this for months. When he drags his tongue up your puffy, desperate folds, you pretty much combust.

“Oh shit,” you groan, wrapping your other leg round his face to hold him flush against you - not that Wade needs any convincing though, because you’ve never seen a man so desperate to fuck you with his mouth before. He buries himself in you, scarred hands reaching up to dig into the soft skin of your thighs and keep you steady. He wants you at his own pace, it seems, and is strong enough to make it happen. Fuck, you are not complaining.

Wade’s eyes flit upwards to see how you’re reacting as he moves his whole face side to side to bury himself into your cunt deeper. It’s like he’s trying to find where your scent is the strongest and, honestly? With what you’ve heard about this pollen stuff? Seems right on track. He has no hair for you to bury your fingers in so instead you press your hand to the top of his head and pull him closer, because god knows you don’t have the ability to vocalise it. You sink your fingernails in so he knows, though.

Holy hell you’ve never felt so good. The pollen is heightening everything, each movement he makes into you shooting shockwaves through your nerves. Wade’s tongue is insistent in exploring every inch of you, pressing bluntly into your clit; lapping at the wetness seeping from you like he’ll die if he can’t taste what he’s doing to you; dragging down to your ass and toying with you there, too. Yes, fuck, anything he goddamn wants. When his teeth skim the needy folds of your cunt you jackknife into his mouth, almost breaking them clean out of his gums.

“Holy shit, babe. What’s gotten into you?” he chuckles, pupils so blown wide with lust that his eyes are eclipsed with black. You chase after him with your hips.

“Not you, and that’s the problem,” you harrumph. He grins and you see how covered with your slick he is and fuck you are going to die here. 

“I’ll take care of you. That’s what friends do, right?” he asks, putting emphasis on the word you’re both masquerading behind. When you reach out with a searching hand he threads his finger through yours wordlessly, using the other to grab a pillow so he has something to fuck up against. You feel a tiny bit bad for not offering to help but you know he’ll get his in time - in fact just thinking about sucking his cock your mouth begins to water.

He presses his palm into yours as he goes back to your cunt with his mouth. It takes only moments for him to start up his desperate pace again, tongue sinfully sweet, and you’re chasing and chasing…

Stars explode in your vision and in your blood. The noise you let out is feral, a euphony of pleasure and you don’t care who hears. Wade’s eyes drift close as he tastes your orgasm directly at his lips, drinking you down. You’re certain his hips stutter as he comes just from getting you off. Oh god it’s so hot.

Oh god, you’re not done.

Wade surges up your body and kisses you ferociously, you moan at the taste of yourself he gives back. 

“Fuck, yes, do you taste that, baby? What did I do to you? Holy fuck you are the hottest thing I’ve ever seen…”

“Wade, I need you.”

“Yeah, fuck, okay. Let me get this stupid sexy suit off…”

Hands begin to fumble messily, needily at each other’s zippers in order to strip. You sit up to get a better handle on him—

And freeze when you see you have an audience.

Wade follows your gaze to where Logan is standing in the bedroom doorway. He’s managed to get his suit off and change back into his jeans, though you can’t imagine he’ll want to stay in them for long the way his trapped cock is staining dark blue denim even darker. He’s gripping the doorframe with such force that his claws have popped out, eyes a matching pitch black to Wade’s, chest heaving as he watches the show.

“You okay, honey badger?” Wade drawls, a cocky smile dragging across him. Logan grunts. Swallows hard. You go for a softer tactic.

“Logan, sweetheart, you wanna join in?” your voice is husky as you ask, oh so inviting. Logan squeezes his eyes shut and his fist tight, taking a chunk out of the wall.

“Get into the goddamn bedroom, both of you,” he growls. The two of you absolutely do not need to be told twice. Partially undressed you vault over the back of the dishevelled sofa, letting Logan lead the way. As soon as you’re within arms’ reach he snags you around the waist and pulls you in for a kiss.

Logan kisses like he wants to devour you. Rough, commanding, dragging his tongue into your mouth as if trying to claim you. Oh, you’ll let him a hundred times over. You mewl when his hand reaches down you cup your still dripping pussy, immediately swiping a thumb against your clit. It pulses as if Wade didn’t just pull an orgasm out of you.

“Fuckin’ needy little thing,” he snarls, delighted. You reach down to grab the bulge he’s rocking, squeezing hard enough to get him to groan.

“Look who’s talking,” you chuckle. He taps at the top of your suit, an instruction. 

“Off,” he says, but that’s as much as he gets to say, because Wade grabs him by the beard and steers him in for a kiss. You pause for just a second to see what will happen but clearly you needn’t have worried - Logan moans into your friend’s mouth, grabbing a handful of Wade’s pretty decent ass and digging in his fingers. While they’re busy you finish stripping, going for the zipper on the back of the red suit and pulling it down. It’s such a goddamn stupid design having it at the back like a goddamn prom dress - but at the moment you’re kinda thankful for it because it means you get to kiss along the revealed plain of skin. Wade has such beautiful fucking back muscles, you’ve stared at them for long enough to memorise every damned one.

He steps out of the suit when you get to his feet - yeah, he did come just from eating you out earlier and holy fuck are you proud - and lets out a strangled noise when you bite the meat of his asscheek hard enough to leave a mark.

“Fuck, are you gonna rim me? Because if so I’m a thousand percent down,” he chokes, pulling away from Logan’s mouth and leaving a string of spit between them, evidence of a messy kiss. You shrug.

“You want me to, baby?”

Wade seems to have a crisis of faith as he considers this, letting Logan nibble down the length of his neck; eventually he shakes his head though.

“No, I wanna be inside you, like, yesterday,” he confesses. 

“I’ve got enough room for two,” you state, so absolutely sure the pollen will accommodate that you don’t even need to think about it. Both Wade and Logan suck in a breath at that idea.

“Fuck, baby, aren’t you just perfect,” Logan drawls, grabbing you by the hips as you stand up and pulling you to the pathetic twin bed this apartment was provided with. Not how you wanted this first time to go down but hey, at least it’s going down at all. No longer just a dirty fantasy you bury your fingers into your cunt imagining but a real bonafide liaison (boner-fide liaison, Wade’s voice in your head pipes up).

You paw at his jeans, desperate to have all three of you naked and ready. There’s nothing to hide between you any more. Any boundaries have been not only crossed but decimated, absolutely destroyed beyond repair, and you couldn’t be happier. When his cock falls heavy into your palm you can’t help but suck air in through your teeth at its sheer size. Logan chuckles, gravelly and tempting.

“Oh it’ll fit, baby,” he coos, as if reading your mind. Fuck. Yep, it will. There’s no two ways about it. You’re having both Wade and Logan inside you if it kills you.

He wraps you in his arms before you can have any more thoughts on the matter and pulls you down onto the mattress with him, the pollen in your veins making you feel every touch like the end of a live wire - yet you keep coming back to get shocked. Logan positions himself under you, chest-to-chest, grinning at the way your nipples rub against the coarse and gorgeous hair of his chest. There’s a slapping noise and you realise it’s Wade’s hand on Logan’s thigh, encouraging him to move up the bed.

“Big boy, you know you have to scoot up if this is happening. I’m all for fucking the same pussy together but you have to be realistic…”

Obscured by your body, only you get to see the way Logan rolls his eyes fondly at Wade’s blabbering. He manouveurs you both to allow Wade room to kneel on the mattress behind you and you gasp at the feeling of their cocks bullying at your entrance.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, body on fire and desperate to be extinguished by them. Logan hums in your ear.

“I know, baby, I know. We’ll take care of you.”

“And each other. I got sex-pollened too, old man,” Wade harrumphs, rubbing his head against the slick lips of your cunt. 

“Nobody’s forgetting you, princess,” he murmurs, “now be good and put me inside.”

Logan probably misses the soft hiss Wade lets out at that, but you feel the way the mercenary’s hand wraps around his cock and presses Logan to your empty cunt. You moan in pleasure as he follows the path Wade has laid out and pushes himself inside of you, no resistance given. It takes you only a couple of seconds to adjust to the pure size of him. Holy shit, if this were any other time you’d be falling apart by now, but the way your body pumps with desperation suggests one dick alone isn’t going to be enough.

“You okay?” Logan rumbles by your ear. You cling onto him for dear life, nodding.

“Yeah. Fuck, Wade, I know you’ll fit, you’ve gotta fuck me too.”

Wade doesn’t even have an answer for that. Instead you feel his thumb tug at your lips, stretching you for him - or just watching the way Logan fills you, getting off on the filthy way you’re plugged. Another cock begins to press at your already stuffed hole and you whine.

“S’okay, I gotcha,” Logan says through gritted teeth as he feels Wade’s length slide along his own, the feeling almost overwhelming for him. You drop your head to his shoulder and choke on your own spit as Wade forces himself inside of you. Your cunt feels like it is about to burst into flames in the most satisfying way possible, flowering open between them both.

“Fuck, never felt anything so goddamn tight in my life…” Wade manages. Eventually he bottoms out alongside Logan, both of them sitting snugly inside of you, sharing you, clutched in your warmth. 

“There we go,” Logan growls. “You okay, baby?”

Not knowing if the question is aimed at you or Wade you both whine a yes. Logan laughs and you feel his chest move beneath you, all muscle and heat.

“I’m gonna move now.”

He drags himself out of you, inch by glorious inch, like a match striking against a box and sparking an ember. A deep ragged breath shudders through you at the feeling of it but it is nothing compared to how he slams back inside. Lights flood your periphery. You are going to fucking die between these two men and that is fine. Heaven, even.

Once Wade feels Logan’s rhythm it is too much of a competition for him not to match it. The mercenary’s arms fall either side of your bodies to support himself as he works himself in and out of you, sliding deep as Logan retreats to the tip. Your cunt makes a lewd noise as they piston inside of you and you have never cared about anything less in your life. You are bathed in light, high off this, euphoric over being fucked. A tiny rivulet of drool falls from the edge of your mouth into Logan’s chest hair and he curses at the glorious rawness of it all.

Above you, Wade has finally found his voice again.

“Look at you taking us so well. Oh, fuck, goddamn. I’ve wanted you like this for so long. Remember when we were neighbours, honey? Those guys who you used to bring home… fuck, baby… I used to give myself the old low-five to the sound of you getting fucked…”

You make a pathetic little noise which spurs him onwards. Wade’s mouth drops to your ear.

“...and I used to get angry because I knew I could do it better myself.”

“Oh my god Wade…” you whisper. Tears are beginning to pool in your eyes at the way you’re starting to get overstimulated, two cocks hitting that sweet spot inside you verges on being too much. Were the pollen not still in full force you’re sure you’d need to tap out.

“And you?” Wade’s hand grips Logan’s bicep, squeezing appreciatively. “Do you know what it’s like to wake up every morning and see you shirtless on my couch, and not be able to fuck you? You do it on purpose, peanut, I swear…”

Logan chuckles again, that deep honey-rich sound eked out in magnitudes. 

“And what if I do, Red?”

Wade pauses in his thrusting, you don’t have to see him to know that his eyes are wide.

“Wait, what? For real?”

“Wade!” you whine, reaching over to slap at his arm, annoyed that he’s stopped moving. “Can we all just agree we’ve gotten off to the thought of each other and we’d have fucked eventually anyway?”

The men either side of you seem to think it’s a good compromise to come to and redouble their efforts. All you can do is to cling onto whatever muscles you’re able to find and ride the wave of pleasure. Fireworks go off in your synapses, brain a messy goo of euphoria, cunt fucked out and thoroughly taken care of. 

They speed up, thrusts getting messy and arrhythmic and yet still somehow matching, and you know that they’re going to come together. What a fucking treat, how divine, oh god. Logan’s hands sink into your ass to keep you anchored as his cock goes faster, skin slapping on skin as his sac moves against Wade’s - causing the merc to let out a string of curses - and you’re suddenly flooded with his warm, sticky cum pumping inside you in jets. Wade whines at the feeling of himself being doused and follows Logan’s lead. The filthy cocktail of them drips around both their lengths and out of your hole, falling onto the pathetic mattress below. One last little nudge of the hips is all it takes to push you over the edge again. Your next orgasm is dragged out of you… but you know your body will demand more.

For now, though, respite. The urge to reach that peak again immediately has at least settled for the moment.

“Holy fuck,” you sigh. Logan hums an affirmative note, fingers playing with the small of your back as Wade peppers kisses across your shoulderblades.

“We should go on stakeouts more often, if this is the nice little bow everything gets tied up in,” Wade sighs, dreamily. You nod against Logan’s chest. His hair rubs your cheek deliciously. Your pussy throbs again, reminding you this dirty escapade needs to continue soon. “So what does this mean? Are we a little mutant charcuterie now?”

Your brow furrows as you try to parse what Wade has just said.

“Oh. Wade, baby, do you mean ‘coterie’?”

Logan bursts out laughing, a noise you’ve never properly heard before, and it has you grinning - and Wade, too, even though he grumbles a little at being corrected. Their cocks jostle inside you and you feel them getting hard again and, as you prepare yourself for round two, it’s nice to know that whatever the three of you face at the end of this will be happy.

Three days later, you’re laid across the couch, head in Wade’s lap and legs in Logan’s, all tangled together as you get the single worst telling-off of your life.

“Non-lethal mission, Wade! How many times did I have to tell you, it was meant to be non-lethal!” Piotr shouts down the line. Wade grimaces.

“Look, there were other things we had to sort out first, okay? We kinda forgot about the no-killing part. Besides the guy can’t traffic drugs if he’s dead,” he confesses. You can picture Piotr’s disappointed face.

“Other things!? WHAT other things, Wade?!”

“Okay so there was this horny pollen, and we all had to—”

Logan grabs Wade’s phone and hurls it across the room. It shatters into pieces against the wall. Wade gawps.

“Hey! That was new! Well, okay, not new, but it wasn’t cracked. Well, it was cracked, but it had all my best dick pics on there!”

“You can take new ones,” Logan states. 

You smile. Yeah. The charcuterie is nice.

[gudfornuthin]

All I’ve Ever Wanted

Season 4!Five Hargreeves x fem!reader

! Spoilers ahead !

Summary: six years of travelling to different timelines, and Five isn’t sure how much longer he can go on for. Until he stumbles upon a greenhouse, full of strawberries. And you.

Word count: 4212

A/N: so season 4 was a… thing that happened. This story is basically my own idea of how things should’ve gone in ep 5. Instead of the weird Lila/Five situation, it’s just Five, and his chance of living a normal life with someone new. Hope you all enjoy, and feedback is appreciated :)

Number Five was never one to back down from a challenge. Having been through a series of different apocalyptic events, transporting to a timeline where he spent 40 years alone, and dealing with a misfit group consisting of his exhausting siblings, Five was up for anything. But the current situation he was dealing with? For the first time in his life, he was at breaking point.

After another wasted day spending hour after hour searching for any clues or information on how to get back to the correct timeline, Five returns to the subway, entering one of the compartments and slumping down in the first chair he sees. He rubs his eyes and lets out a visceral sigh, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep. He reaches into his pockets, pulling out a small pack of dried fruits. He rips it open and devours every last piece. He can’t remember the last time he had a proper meal. He was becoming more desperate, rummaging through trash cans and foraging in bushes, hoping anything he picks isn’t poisonous.

The compartment jolts and begins to move, making its way to the next timeline. Five wipes his hands on his already dirty pants, standing up and walking slowly to the door. He wonders whether his apocalypse counterpart will be waiting for him this time.

After several minutes, and Five almost falling over from his lack of sleep, he finally arrives, the doors opening. He steps out, immediately making his way up the stairs. No time to waste. He cautiously pokes his head out, looking around for any signs of, well, himself. Before he can move out more, something wizzes past his head. A bullet. He ducks, as more shots are fired directly at him.

“Give me a fuckin’ break,” Five mumbles, as he finally takes notices of the other him in the distance.

He sticks up his middle finger, and no soon after closes his fists, blinking as quick as he possibly could.

The Five with a gun disappears along with the destroyed world around him. Five drops his arms to his sides, turning around and admiring the new environment. Luscious, greenery surrounds him, with an array of different flowers sprouting from the ground beneath him. A small pond with fish glimmers in the sunshine, lily pads floating on top. He continues turning, finding himself standing next to a tall greenhouse. The glass was slightly foggy, making it difficult to see what’s inside. Five leans in closer, squinting as if that would help. He can barely make out what appears to be pots of fruit and vegetables, some fully sprouted and others not yet ripe. His stomach rumbles, the feeling of hunger consuming him.

A rustle sounds from behind him. He turns quickly, coming face to face with a pair of shears. Five jumps back slightly. He then spots the person wielding said ‘weapon’. A young woman, probably early twenties, wearing a light yellow dress and a pair of brown sandals. Five can’t help but admire her beauty, if it wasn’t for the fact she had a face like fury and didn’t seem afraid of cutting him in half.

“Can I help you?” Her words are kind, but her harsh tone says otherwise.

Five can’t exactly tell this young woman the truth. Showing up randomly in her back yard, covered in grime, gawking at her crops through the window. He raises his hands up in the air, trying to convey that he meant no harm.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, his throat sore having not spoken to anyone in quite some time. “I don’t really know how I got here.” That’s not exactly true. “I’ve been travelling for a few days now.” Try six years. “And I could really do with a hot shower and something to eat.”

The woman doesn’t say anything, just staring, with the shears still held out in front of her.

Five puts his arms down, shrugging in defeat. “I’ll just go. I truly am sorry, I didn’t mean to freak you out.” He looks down. “Or step all over your rose garden.” He gingerly moves away from the destroyed flowers.

He turns and begins to walk away, hoping to find an exit as quick as possible. Blinking in front of this woman probably wouldn’t help his cause. A warm hand grabs hold of his wrist, forcing him to stop and look back. She has the shears loosely hanging by her side, as her eyes pierce into Five’s. She seems hesitant, words forming in her mind. At last, she speaks again.

“You’re telling the truth?”

Five nods incessantly, feeling like a child.

“And if I let you in and make you something to eat, you won’t try and kill me?”

Five holds back a laugh, knowing she’s being deadly serious. “I wouldn’t dare.”

The woman waits a beat, then huffs. “Come on, I was just about to start dinner.”

She moves past Five, walking into three greenhouse. He takes this as a sign to follow after her.

***

The young woman allows Five to use her shower, and he’s thankful for the change of clothes she provides for him too. The home is small and cosy, playing into the stereotypical cottage core of living. The lighting is soft, and the smell of pumpkin seems to waft through into every room. It’s calming, it’s peaceful, it’s something that makes Five feel on edge. He isn’t used to the domestic life, away from the terror and destruction, trying to save the world over and over. He knows he can’t stay here long, but he won’t miss the opportunity of a proper cooked meal.

After putting on the change of clothes, Five makes his way down the hall and into the kitchen, a small buffet waiting for him. He finds it hard not to drool, the potatoes and fresh pie, along with the fruit and vegetables he’d spotted earlier. It looks incredible. He takes a seat, as the woman places down a final plate of tomatoes, sitting down opposite Five.

They dish out the food, filling their plates as high as they can, especially Five. He tries not to look like a slob in front of the pretty girl, but finds it hard not to drop some things down his top. She doesn’t seem to notice, or pretends not to.

The woman takes a sip of her drink, clearing her throat. “So,” her soft voice makes Five look up from his plate. “Do you have a name or is that one of the many mysteries of the man shovelling food down his throat like he hasn’t eaten in several years?”

The woman isn’t afraid of being upfront. Five admires that. Although, it’s not surprising considering he’s a complete stranger she’s trusted in her home. He puts down his knife and fork, grabbing a napkin to wipe his mouth.

“No, I have a name. It’s Fi-,” he catches himself, unsure if his ‘name’ would just create more confusion, and unwanted questions. “Jerome. Just, Jerome.”

The woman squints her eyes, but doesn’t push further, seeming to move past his stumble. “Okay. I wouldn’t have pegged you for a Jerome.”

Five shrugs, not knowing what else to say.

“My names Y/N.”

Five nods. “Okay. We’re closer already.”

“Don’t push it,” Y/N says, a small smile gracing her face. Five can’t help but pull the same expression.

***

After a hearty dinner, and some obvious awkward silences, Five insists on helping Y/N do the washing up. The sun was beginning to set, and Five knows he’ll have to leave soon, but something stops him from doing so. He doesn’t want to admit it, but this was the most relaxed he’d felt in a long time. The fear or worry of something bad happening wasn’t there, and as he stands close to the woman he had barely met 2 hours ago, he realises what he’d been missing in his 60 something years. A place to live, with a person who makes him feel safe.

“Jerome,” the voice breaks through his thoughts, as Five almost forgets the name he’d given to this woman. “I feel like we’ve skirted around the topic enough. Is there any reason you were in the state you were in, taking refuge behind my greenhouse?”

Five places down the plate he was cleaning, turning to face her fully. Her expression is calm, and her voice shows no sign of interrogation. It’s a first for Five, as he’s become accustomed to people prodding him for information only for their own benefit. No one’s ever shown true interest in him.

He shrugs. “It’s been a tough couple of years. More than that I guess.” Fives eyes glaze over. “I haven’t seen my family in a long time, and I don’t know if I ever will. And if I do, I’m terrified of the state that I’ll find them in.”

Y/N stops what she’s doing, also turning to look at Five, a look of worry taking over her face. He knows he’s said more than he should have, but he couldn’t help it. He’s not good at sharing his feelings, and when he does, he’s scared of what will happen once the flood gates are opened. He isn’t sure if he’ll ever be able to close them.

“What d’you mean? Are they in some kind of trouble?” She asks, a slight shake in her voice. “Are you in trouble?”

Five shakes his head, not wanting to stress out this poor woman who’s been nothing but doting to him. “No! No, I just,” he sighs, knowing he’s really put his foot in it. “I just care about them, a lot. Too much. And I don’t even want to think about not seeing them again.”

A soft hand brushes against Five’s cheek, as he glances at Y/N wiping a tear away from his face. He didn’t even realise he’d started crying. He sniffles, moving away and rubbing at his eyes, fearing how red they may look. He sucks in a deep breath, calming his beating heart. Whether it’s from talking about his family, or the touch from the woman next to him, he isn’t sure. But he fears he’s overstayed his welcome.

Five moves away from the kitchen counter. “I guess I should probably go. Don’t wanna miss my train.” Although he knows they’ll always be one there waiting for him.

He heads for the door, remembering to go upstairs and collect his dirty clothes before he leaves. Footsteps are heard from behind him.

“Uh,” Five swivels back around, as Y/N hesitates over her words. “This may seem kinda forward, and a dangerous move on my part, but, I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight knowing you were out there in the middle of the night, traveling by yourself.”

Five holds his breath, not wanting to jump the gun, but already anticipating the next sentence out of her mouth.

“I have extra pillows, and blankets.” Y/N shrugs. “It’s not the most comfortable couch but I’d say it’s more comfortable than the chairs on the train.”

Neither of them speak for a while. Five ponders her offer over and over, wondering if this is something he wants to decline. He needs to get back to his family. He needs to get back to help them. But so far, every option has been a bust. He’s not sure how much longer he can go on for. It could be the apocalypse all over again. Stuck for 40 years, traveling none stop, unsure if he’ll ever see his loved ones again. Could a good nights sleep really be such a bad thing?

He thinks the risk is worth it. “As long as it’s not too much trouble for you.”

***

That one good nights sleep turned into three months, staying at Y/N’s home, crashing on her couch. It didn’t stop Five from going out, back to the subway, trying to find the possible solution to his six year problem. But the more time he spent with the woman, the less time he wanted to spend away from her. They grew closer, making meals together, gardening together, watching silly romcoms together. While Y/N taught Five how to bake, Five taught her how to fight. A young woman living by herself? It didn’t hurt knowing some basic defence skills.

Five didn’t want to admit it, but his family hadn’t crossed his mind as often as it usually did before he met Y/N. He’d become soft, wanting to be around her all the time, not wanting to visit the subway as often as he should be. He’s lucky enough to call her a friend. He hopes she calls him that too.

***

It’s late, and Y/N is sat on the couch, crocheting a few pairs of gloves and a long overdue jumper. People used to make fun of her for it, calling her an old lady, but she finds it soothing. And making your own clothes is a big bonus too. Five, or Jerome as she knew him, had been out most of the day. She never questioned what he was up to, only that he returned safe, ready for whatever she’d cooked up for him during the day. She wasn’t completely naive in thinking ‘Jerome’ has involved himself in shady business. But unless he plans on telling her, then she won’t bother pushing him on the matter.

A bang echos from the back of the house, specifically inside the geeenhouse. It makes Y/N jump up from her seated position, quickly rushing out to the source of the noise. It can only be one person, or that’s what she hopes. Either way, she grabs for her shears before entering the warm glass room.

“Jerome?” She whispers, watching her step, the only light in the room coming from the moon through the windows.

A muffled groaning reaches her ears, as Y/N blindly moves her hands over the walls, trying to find the light switch. She finally does, and flicks it on. A sharp gasp comes out of her mouth, as the brightness finally reveals her new friend curled in a ball on the floor, rolling in pain.

“Shit.”

She quickly makes her way over to him, delicately wrapping her arms around his waist and slowly helping him off the floor. He stumbles, knocking into a few pots, almost making them fall off the table.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, the word slurring under his breath.

“Don’t apologise,” she says, making sure he’s steady on his feet. “Let’s just get you inside and onto the couch.”

They make their way through into the living room, Five dropping haphazardly onto the soft cushions, while Y/N finally gets a proper look at him. His clothes are ripped, the once pristine suit (one she bought for him as a gift) now in tatters. His hair is sticking up in all different directions, and he’s clutching to his side like his life depends on it. She reaches for his arm, prying it away to reveal an array of bullet wounds, still bleeding.

“You should see the other guy,” Five jokes, tilting his head back and trying to forget about the burning pain running across his body. Funnily enough, if Y/N saw the other guy, he’d look exactly like him, considering this all happened due to an unfortunate run in with apocalypse Five.

Y/N stares at him with wide eyes. “Really? Look, I don’t bother asking where you go or what you’re up to when you leave this house, but I think now’s the time you tell me the truth.”

Five moves his head back down, looking her in the eyes. She’s terrified. And he hates that. He breathes in deep, taking her hand in his.

“If you can help me patch this shit up,” he briefly motions to his wounds, “then I’ll tell you who I really am.”

So that’s what they do. Y/N retrieves the first aid kit from her bathroom, while Five opens up about his life before he met her, and how he’s not from this timeline. He isn’t sure if she’s believing what he says, as she remains quiet the entire time, only occasionally looking up at him and quickly returning to removing the bullets lodged in his side. But she listens. And allows him to pour his heart out to her.

“The past six years were torture. Somehow worse than the forty I spent in the apocalypse.” Five turns his head and stares at the woman next to him, as she finishes up her work. “But these last few months with you. I could finally be normal. I could live a life most guys would kill to have. And I’m so sorry I lied to you this long.”

They fall into silence, the pair somehow closer together than they were a few minutes ago. Both emotionally, and physically. Y/N moves her hand and takes his, squeezing tightly. Five’s heartbeat picks up speed, only now noticing their close proximity.

“So your real name is ‘Five’?” He nods at her words. She nods back. “Hmm. It suits you a lot better than Jerome.”

They both laugh half heartedly, as they stare deeply into each other’s eyes. She moves her hand up to his hair, moving it out of his face, trying to calm it down slightly.

She carries on talking. “I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through.” Five rolls his eyes. She doesn’t even know the half of it. “But if I can be the person to keep you grounded, for however long you’re here for, then I’m happy to do just that.”

Five smiles, glancing quickly at her lips.

She does the same. “And I hope you’re here for a long time.”

They both lean in, softly pressing their lips against each other’s. Five cups her face, deepening the kiss as Y/N rests her arms atop his shoulders. They move in sync, careful not to cause any more damage to Five’s wounds, as she somehow moves closer, one of her legs wrapping itself around his waist.

They don’t stop, clothes discarded, bodies intertwined, as their growing tension is finally broken. Five isn’t sure if he’ll ever get back to his timeline, but for now, he’s happy to call this place home.

***

Another four months, and still no sign of a way back. Although, Five can’t deny he hasn’t been trying as hard as usual. The peace and tranquillity has consumed him whole, falling into a proper routine with the woman he…

Is it love? Could he truly fall for someone like this? Someone who isn’t involved in the shit show he’s grown accustomed to? Someone who wants that quiet life, watering flowers and baking pies, with him? Maybe it’s what he needs.

Five stands in the greenhouse, picking some fresh strawberries, and trying a few to see if they were ripe. He’s already found the perfect recipe to use them in. Something he knows she’ll love.

As if reading his thoughts, a pair of arms slip around his waist. Y/N rests her chin on his shoulder, peaking over to see the basket full of fresh fruit. She picks one up, moving away and popping it in her mouth. Five turns and looks at her, smiling wide.

“They taste perfect,” she says.

Five takes her wrists, pulling her towards him and kissing her lightly. “So do you.”

She laughs, holding him close and breathing him in. “The cheesy lines don’t work on me, bub.”

“I think they do.” He mumbles, bringing her in for another kiss, sliding his hands up and down her back.

They stay like this for a while, holding each other in the warm glass room. The sun starts to set, as Five looks out and realises what time it is.

“Damn.”

She looks at him, confusion on her face. “What’s up?”

He shakes his head. “Nothing, I just need to do a double check of the subway before dinner.”

Y/N tries not to show her anxiousness, but some of it seeps through. After Five explained to her what the subway is and why he goes there every day, she’s terrified at the thought of him leaving and never coming back. But she knows he wouldn’t do that to her. Not without saying goodbye.

She steps back. “Right. Promise you’ll be safe?”

He kisses her on the cheek. “I promise.”

***

Five spends some time looking around the platform in the subway, checking the lights, checking the maps, even poking his head into the tunnels to see if anything has changed. But nothing. It all remains the same. No sign of his past life waiting for him. Was that such a bad thing?

Holding a small flashlight, he shines it up and down, left and right, hoping his eyes will catch something new. A sudden pop from above startles him, the grip he had on the flashlight loosening. It falls and rolls onto the tracks. Five looks up, noticing one of the bulbs now flickering. He huffs, moving to the edge of the platform and jumping down. He retrieves the flashlight, hitting it a few times to try and get it to work again. It comes to life, flashing in front of him. That’s when he spots something.

“That’s new.”

Five walks over, grabbing the mystery object and holding it up. It’s a plain notepad. He flips it open, scanning over the messy handwriting inside. His messy handwriting. He can’t help but let out a tiny gasp, as he figures out what it all means.

“This is it.” Tears form in his eyes. “This is my way back home.”

He’s shocked. He’s elated. He’s emotionally drained. This is his chance to rejoin his timeline. To see his family after so long. To fix the mess they’ve created. But all he can think about in this moment is Y/N. How the hell is he supposed to break the news to her?

***

After another hour spent pondering this new found information, Five slowly makes his way back home. His home. Where the life he’d built was waiting for him.

He enters the house and walks into the kitchen, where Y/N stands by the stove, boiling something sweet and caramelly. Five just stares at her; humming a random tune, wiping her messy hands on the apron he bought for her when her old one accidentally caught fire. That was the most stress he’d felt since coming here. And if that was the only stress he had to deal with, he’d take it every single day.

She finally turns and spots him, smiling wide. “Oh hey! I was worried for a sec, you were taking longer than expected.”

She moves closer to him, pulling him into a tight embrace. He holds her, not wanting to let go. Y/N can tell something isn’t right.

She leans back. “You okay?”

Five doesn’t reply, only holding the notepad out for her to take. She does so, flipping through the pages just like he did, her expression perplexed.

“I don’t understand-”

“It’s the way back to my timeline.”

She looks up at him, mouth slightly open, as her words fall short. Five can swear he hears her heartbeat speed up, as her breathing becomes erratic. Five isn’t sure what to do, waiting for an explosion of emotions to rain down on him. But nothing comes. Neither of them do or say anything.

Five chooses to break the silence. “I don’t wanna lose you. I can’t. I don’t think I could live the way I used to live. Not after living this life with you.”

Y/N bites her lip, suppressing a sob. “You have to go.”

Five furrows his brow, hoping he heard her wrong. He tilts her head up to stare into her eyes, seeing the tears forming.

“No,” he whispers. “You’ve become the most important thing in my life. The thought of never seeing you again, I can’t do that.”

A tear falls down her cheek, as Five reaches out to wipe it away.

“I’d love nothing more than to stay in this little bubble we’ve created,” she replies, finding it hard to keep her voice steady. “But your family, your timeline, all those people? They need you more than I do. And I know deep down, you can’t bear the thought of letting them die, knowing you could’ve helped.”

Five wants to ask her to come with him. Become apart of his family. He knows she’d get on with them all. And they’d all love her, possibly more than they love him. But he knows it’s cruel to ask her to leave her life behind. The house, the garden, the home that she’s worked so hard on. And the thought of throwing her into the thick of it all. Putting her at danger? No chance.

He pulls her into his embrace, kissing her hard. They hold each other tight, their lips bruising as neither of them can stop the tears from falling.

Y/N is the first to pull away. “If you ever get the chance to come back to this timeline, you know where to find me.”

Five smiles, not wanting to let her go. He kisses her once more. “In the greenhouse, tasting just as sweet as the strawberries.”

[matsunoluvr]

୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ how clingy sylus copes with your absence

warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking

characters: sylus

link to master list here!!!

authors notes: so basically we all love clingy!sylus and i don’t think people talk about it enough, so i here i try to do him some justice </3

i tried not to mischaracterise him, but i find it difficult to imagine how he’d react. he’s a full fledged adult - 27/28 years old - so i can see him trying to be mature about it. but after a while, it gets hard to wait any longer no?

more below the cut!! :3

first few days of your absence sylus is fine, i mean it’s one day - people get busy, people get tired. sylus understands better than most that life gets tough.

he checks his messages maybe two or three times to see if you’ve responded, but nothing. that’s okay, he’ll wait for you.

after five-ish days he’s a little irritated, how could you forget about him for that long?

yeah you could be busy, but seriously?

he gives you a call but it sends straight to voicemail, to which he refuses to leave one.

i bet he secretly feels a little embarrassed at how much your absence is bothering him, and out of spite he refuses to check his phone during the day.

“Tsk, ignoring me?”

luke and kieran definitely notice his small shift in attitude - his nonchalant facade isn’t perfect after all.

they are also secretly cursing you for disappearing, i mean come on! how could you leave them with an angry boss!!

another few days pass, how long has it been since he last saw you? a week?

gets fidgety and cracks, calling you again - no reply.

when he gets sent to voicemail he speaks in his typical, slow tone.

“Why aren’t you picking up my calls, kitten? Get back to me when you listen to this.”

despite his seemingly calm voice, he’s starting to really lose his cool. your absence was unsettling, and yeah he’s disappeared before for a few days on business, he at least picks up calls.

he never leaves you clueless for even a few days, let alone a whole week.

mephisto is sent out for surveillance of the n109 zone, and sylus keeps his phone close. always in his vision, hearing range, whatever.

every notification catches his attention, eyes snapping to the illuminated screen only to slowly drag away when he sees it isn’t you.

from the first to second week of your absence, his irritability shoots up. sylus is getting agitated, brushing it off as annoyance.

after all, what the fuck did he do for you to ignore him for this long?

he texts you almost every day now, the texts getting increasingly shorter, decreasingly floral and more concerned.

“Kitten, why aren’t you picking up my calls?”

“[YN], are you really ignoring me?”

“Hello? Are you okay?”

“Call me.”

he’s calling you every other day now, his sleeping schedule is deteriorating and his mind isn’t focused.

sylus is getting angry at himself, why is he so messed up about this? so what if you haven’t spoken to him in 13 days, isn’t it pathetic to be so affected by your absence?

he lived 27+ years without you, he can live another hundred without.

yet he still finds himself rearranging the plushies you two caught together, checking for your messages, scrolling through your posts.

almost a month has passed since your disappearance, and sylus isn’t getting any better.

why did you go? are you okay? did you get hurt?

god forbid something happened to you.

he’s hired some people to search for you, fuck waiting he’s worried.

finds himself drinking more alcohol with his meals than usual, to the point where even he - a heavy weight - feels his head becoming a little dizzy, his hands twitching for his phone.

one night, after downing a bottle of wine himself, he calls you at least five times, before leaving a voicemail.

his voice lacks its usual slow, bored tone. instead his words are a little slurred, his voice seems a little higher pitched - not too much but it is noticeable - and he’s speaking a little faster too.

“[YN]? Where are you, are you okay? Please pick up, it’s been a month. Do you really- have I deterred you? I know you dislike me, have you ran away? If you have, then at least tell me you’re alive. I mi-”

he catches himself before he says it, because he’s just realised something, something that was so blatantly obvious he feels shocked that he hadn’t noticed it

he misses you, he isn’t angry. he isn’t annoyed that you disappeared, he’s upset.

the fact that it took so long for him to realise is stupid, and all he can do it sit and chuckle drunkenly to himself.

“I miss you, [YN]. Please call me back.”

when you finally call him - exactly 43 days since you left - he almost scrambles to his phone

sylus picks up immediately, yet miraculously finds himself at a loss for words. what does someone say after over a month of waiting?

kind of just stands there, frozen - if you wait before speaking you can hear his almost shaky breaths

“Hey Sylus, you miss me? You left over 13 voicemails and 65 texts, I’m touched.”

gods your voice smoothed over his tense muscles like honey

he sits down, heart beating faster than usual. it’s stupid how much hearing your voice affected him, but he couldn’t help the way his body relaxed at the sound.

if he was a dog his tail would be wagging so fucking hard

“Come here, now.”

when you do arrive, you seriously expect to get killed or something. his tone sounded seriously pissed - i mean like the most pissed you’ve ever heard it

but when you open the door you just get swallowed into a chest and a pair of arms

if you try to move away or struggle, they just hold you tighter and restrict your actions and- oh, sylus is hugging you.

his face is angled down into your head, and you can’t see his expression - only the beating of his heart against you, and it was fast.

“Where the fuck were you? I missed you.”

explain whatever the hell you want to sylus, he’s already decided that you’re not going out without him knowing ever again

probably tries to download some sort of GPS tracker on your hunter’s watch to make sure he knows where you are

TLDR; sylus doesn’t realise how much he really cares for you until you go MIA for over a month in which he starts to genuinely tweak out! :3

AN; guys i actually spat this out in like an hour i think i might have clingy!sylus brain rot because oh my god anyways this isn’t proof read i just needed to express my love for clingy!sylus that gets worried because he isn’t just a dominant badass gang leader he’s also human and he also gets sad and upset and feels emotions argahdbansn he just sucks at recognising his own desires (get it because his evol eye can see other people’s desires but he can’t see his own :3)

[junkissed]

nightwalker

member — vampire!minghao x f reader genre — smut, a little thriller/horror/supernatural word count — 6.6k synopsis — the closing shift at the university library isn't the most exciting job in the world, but your hot colleague makes it a whole lot better. another added bonus: he's a vampire. content warnings — mentions of blood, blood drinking (from reader), biting, not really compliant with vampire lore (i made some stuff up for the sake of making it spookier so just go with it), minghao is kinda creepy but he's a nice vampire i promise smut warnings — descriptions of female anatomy, fingering, making out, aphrodisiac vampire venom (?), plenty of consent!! notes — inspired by the song "nightwalker" by ten! the biggest thanks ever to mars @onlymingyus for helping me brainstorm this one, from start to finish (plus @cheolism and @wonustars for fleshing out the concept with me!). i worked so so hard to get this out in time for halloween, and this is my first vampire fic so it was a challenge to get it to a place i was happy with. i hope yall enjoy, and please lmk in a reblog/comment/ask if it's something you liked or want to see more of !! :D

there are many places that are exciting at night. bars, clubs, restaurants, theaters. especially on a saturday night, the town is full of life.

the university library where you work is not one of those places.

the study rooms have long since closed; computers have been shut off and the last few students have trudged home with bags under their eyes and bags full of half-finished papers. you don't usually work this late, but you're covering the graveyard shift for jun, who has a date with his girlfriend tonight. he definitely owes you one for this, but you get overtime pay for it so does it really matter in the end?

the closing shift isn't difficult. there's a few carts of returned books that need to be shelved, but that's really all there is to it. the only downside is that there's only one person working at night, so you're alone. but then again, some people might see that as an upside. as for you, it's got both pros and cons. it's not a shift you'd go out of your way to ask for, but you don't mind it once in a while. it's usually pretty peaceful after dark, and you can put on your headphones and play your music as loud as you want.

you pick up a stack of books for the history shelf, turning one over and flipping through it mindlessly. the cover is intricately detailed with flourishing silver engraving, and you pause a second longer to stare at it before you flip it around to check the number on its side.

you start to climb up the ladder and run your finger across the spines on the shelf, stopping where there's an empty space between the books. the job isn't hard, but it is boring. counting, shelving, counting again, alphabetizing. 

there's a sharp crack against the library window and you startle, whipping your head around to check behind you. but there's nothing there. it wasn't supposed to storm today… but it's probably just the wind. or maybe a sudden thunderstorm. or, it could be the guys from theta chi again. yeah, that sounds more like it. always the college kids getting up to trouble. it is a saturday night, after all, and this close to halloween there's bound to be at least a couple people throwing ragers tonight.

whatever it is, it's probably nothing to worry about. you've already locked up the rest of the building, so it’s just you alone in here now.

you turn back to the shelf, shoving the book into place before you reach for the next. best to get this over with as quickly as possible so you can go home. 

there's another booming sound, and now you're sure it's thunder because the whole room almost seems to rumble. you startle again at the noise, but this time your foot slips off the ladder and you lose your balance. you only have a split second to brace yourself as you start to fall, but you don't hit the ground.

suddenly there's a hand on your lower back, another on your arm, and you land on somebody's chest instead. you let out a scream, your loud shriek echoing through the silence of the library, and whoever caught you sets you back down on the floor.

you look up to see who it is, and you come face to face with the most gorgeous man you've ever seen. his long blond hair falls in waves at his shoulders, and his pale skin almost seems to sparkle under the overhead lights.

“you alright?” he asks calmly, breaking your trance.

you blink quickly and smooth down your shirt, trying to collect yourself. you just screamed at the top of your lungs in this poor man's face, and he's still being as polite as ever. “yeah, i'm fine, thanks to you. i'm lucky you were there.” you clear you throat and offer him a weary smile as you tell him your name. “i'm so sorry about that, by the way. and, you are…?”

“minghao,” he finishes for you. he doesn't say anything more. his tone is gentle and friendly, but there's still a sizzle of tension in the air around him that feels out of place.

you're trying to wrack your brain for information, but nothing's coming up. “you look familiar. do you work on campus? or— you're a student here?” you add the last part quickly, afraid to assume wrong. he looks young enough to be a student, but he sure doesn't seem like one. a grad student, maybe? or a phd candidate?

he nods. “department of health sciences.” he suddenly pauses, tilting his head to chuckle as if he's just thought of the funniest thing. “i'm sorry, i should've introduced myself better. you probably meet a lot of people, in a place like this.” he holds out his hand for you to shake. “dr. xu. maybe that name is a bit more recognizable. i teach classes in the fall.”

that feels a little more reassuring. and if he only teaches during the fall semester, that explains why you didn't recognize him more quickly.

you reach out to take his hand, and a shiver runs instantly through you when you feel his freezing palm against yours. the heater is running inside the building, but he just came in so maybe it's colder outside than you realize. but still, his grip feels unnaturally cold, as if he's radiating ice from the inside out.

“sorry, i'm just a little surprised. i thought i was in here alone. i swear i locked those doors…” you trail off, subconsciously glancing at the entrance. didn't you lock them? you hum quietly, trying to clear your mind. it's late, so clearly you aren't focused as much as you thought you were. “anyway. what can i help you with?”

minghao chuckles, almost sounding shy. “oh, i'm just here to return a book.” he pulls out a small, leather bound book from the pocket of his coat and hands it to you. his fingers graze against your wrist, and you have to force yourself not to wince at how cold his touch is. “working late, you know how it is.”

you scoff softly, nodding. “i sure do.” why do you suddenly feel like your tongue is in knots? “i'll check this in for you. is there anything…”

“no, that's all.” his words are short, but his tone still has that pleasant lilt to it that puts you at ease. “you've been quite helpful, i appreciate it. i'll get out of your way now.” he bows his head politely, giving you another smile. “be careful with those stairs.”

you turn around to set his book on the table behind you, letting out a chuckle as you start to reply. “i wi—”

but when you turn back around to tell him goodbye, he's already disappeared and you're standing by yourself. the library is deadly silent, not even the sound of footsteps or a door creaking. you turn again to look around for any signs of life, but the large room is completely empty.

you exhale, rubbing a hand across your forehead. the only evidence that minghao was ever there is the book still sitting on the table, looking up at you innocently, as if mocking your confusion.

whatever. all you have to do is just finish putting everything away so you can go home. it's not much longer.

by the time you collect your things and close up the library (you're sure that you did this time, double and triple checking every lock), it's well after midnight.

at this time of night the buses aren't running anymore, so you're stuck walking home. yet another reason to yell at jun later, but you probably won't. you just hope for his sake that his date had better been worth it.

you're not afraid of the dark. it's a fairly safe town, and aside from the college kids stealing each other's bikes and throwing rocks at people's windows, there's not a whole lot of crime that happens here. but still, you don't want to be the first to change that.

you stick close to the inside edge of the sidewalk, your gaze flitting around you as you hold your bag tighter to your chest. your encounter at the library has already put you on edge, making the usually peaceful night sounds feel spookier. the chirp of crickets and the distant howling of dogs (or maybe wolves?) only makes you more nervous as you pick up your pace. you're already almost halfway home. everything is fine.

a whispering sound in the dark makes you freeze, and you catch a shadow slip past the light of a street lamp on the ground. the sound seems to bounce around, unintelligible soft breaths floating around your ears. it's hard to tell if it's only in your head or not.

“hello?” you call out loudly, trying to sound brave. you pull out your phone and turn on the flashlight, shining it around, but there's nothing there. probably just an animal, you tell yourself, but you know you're lying to yourself. no animal you've ever known sounds like that. the disjointed murmurs in your ears makes your skin prickle. maybe it's… fuck, you don't even know what it might be anymore. but you're getting closer now. everything is fine.

you start walking again and the whispering sound returns, and it makes the hair on the back of your neck stand up. the street is dark and empty, not a single car in sight, not a single light turned on inside the houses you walk past. it's too quiet, eerie.

you see another shadow moving. the whispering finally fades into a clear voice, calling out your name, and it sounds uncomfortably familiar. you whip around to check behind you, but the sight of minghao makes you relax. 

you exhale slowly, almost wanting to laugh with how overwhelmed with relief you are. you're not alone. there's someone here, and it's someone you know. everything is fine.

“are you following me, or something?” you scoff jokingly, but there's a little bit of truth to your words. two coincidences in one night feels like too many, but you're still glad to see him.

minghao laughs warmly, and somehow it makes the street seem smaller. “no, i live over here. i left the lab pretty late, just had some projects to finish up before tomorrow. sorry for startling you.” he pauses, looking you up and down. “i'm assuming you live down this way, too… would you like me to walk you home? it’s not very safe being out here alone at night, especially this time of year.”

his last words seem strange to you. what’s so different about this time of year? but a sharp gust of wind whips your coat around, so you don’t really have time to dwell on it for long. 

you pull your sleeves down to cover your hands, crossing your arms tightly over your chest to keep warm. it’s not usually this chilly, but maybe it’s just because you’re not usually out this late. the whistling of the wind through the trees makes you shiver, and you get the strange feeling that something’s watching you, something just out of reach. and suddenly, minghao’s offer seems like the best thing that could’ve happened to you tonight.

“please,” you tell him with a nod. “that would be great. thank you.”

he flashes another smile, and his teeth glint in the low light of the street lamp as he moves closer to you. “it’s my pleasure.”

now that minghao’s beside you, you’re able to zone out a little as you walk back to your house. the anxious, sort of uncomfortable feeling gnawing at the back of your thoughts is still there, but you push it down. it’s just the late hour. it’s just the wind. it’s just your mind playing tricks on you, and there’s really nothing to be worried about. 

you only realize that you’ve arrived once you notice minghao stop beside you. your mind is still elsewhere, so it doesn’t occur to you until later to wonder how he knew which house to stop at. the wind has completely died down, and the silence that follows is eerie, like the calm before a storm. except there is no storm. there’s only you, and minghao, and the dead of night.

you climb the steps to your front porch and pull your mail out from the metal box on the wall, tucking it under your arm as you fumble with your keys. your hand shakes from the cold as you move to unlock the door. “do you wanna stay for drinks or something?” you say, stepping inside and looking back at him.

you swear you see something flash across his eyes, but you're probably imagining things again; it's probably from the porch light flickering again. you really need to get that lightbulb changed soon. you've been putting it off for weeks, but as long as it still keeps your front door lit, then it's a project for another day.

he gives you a closed-mouth smile, nodding. “that'd be nice.” but despite his agreement he stays rooted in his spot outside, unmoving.

you hesitate in confusion. “well… come on in,” you say after a beat, gesturing inside the house with your arm. 

he finally moves, stepping tentatively through the doorway. once he's inside you flip the latch behind him, waiting for the familiar click as you hear the deadbolt slide into place. suddenly there's a tension in the room that you hadn't noticed before, and you can feel minghao's eyes following your every move.

“do you have extra locks for your door?”

he speaks up suddenly, and you jump a little in surprise. you're not usually on edge like this, but maybe it's just the season. they do say that strange things happen around halloween, after all. and on top of that, it's a full moon tonight, too.

when you don't reply right away, minghao pauses and leans against the kitchen counter, his tone casual as if he’s discussing the weather. “i just came across an article the other day about how easy it is for people to break those locks. you can never be too prepared, especially living alone…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders.

you nod. you’d never mentioned living alone. but then again, that much is probably already obvious. no other cars parked in front of your house, no extra pairs of shoes in your front doorway, no lights on when you got home. “yeah.” you shift in place, trying to figure out how to bring the mood up.

“am i scaring you?” he asks, crossing his arms. his voice is gentle, but there's a hint of a smirk on his face that makes butterflies rise in your stomach.

“no.” you bite your lip. “should i be scared?”

“guess you’ll have to find out.”

you clear your throat and turn towards the counter, feeling your cheeks burn with heat. obviously he's just messing with you, and you have no reason to be this nervous. “i… i should probably just put my mail away, then i'll find us something to drink. you’re probably tired, i’ll just—”

in your haste to look busy, your hand slips and the stack of papers scatter across the floor. the edge of one of the thicker envelopes catches on your index finger, slicing through the skin, and immediately a pinprick of blood starts to seep from the cut. you jump backwards in surprise and let out a yelp, inhaling sharply as you bring your finger to your mouth out of instinct. 

when you realize what you've done, you pull your finger out of your mouth, squeezing your other hand around the wound to try and stop the bleeding. “sorry! oh my god, this is so embarrassing, i—”

but you stop when you look up and see minghao frozen in place, staring at your hand. his eyes have suddenly grown dark, a deep pitch black so that you can’t see his pupils, and his gaze is still fixed on the small smeared pool of crimson red on your fingertip. you’re about to ask him something, although you’re not sure what you mean to ask, but he speaks before you can get another word out.

“can i see?” 

his voice is like a lullaby, filling your ears like soft music, and before you can even think about what you’re doing you find yourself lifting your hand and holding it out towards him.

his eyelashes flutter as he takes your hand gingerly, his nostrils flared as he watches the blood still running down your finger. he finally breaks his concentration away from the cut, lifting his gaze to stare at you. the look in his eyes is so intense, and you swear you see his eye twitch but it could’ve just been a blink. he doesn’t break eye contact as he lifts your hand to his mouth, sliding his lips around your finger. you think you feel his teeth graze against your skin, but you probably imagined that. 

“band-aid?”

it’s not until he speaks a second later that you realize he’s taken your finger out of his mouth, and you look down at the cut. your hand feels cold and clammy, and you’re so dizzy that you have to lean against the counter so you don’t fall over. you blink and try to shake yourself out of your daze, but your body feels so heavy all of a sudden, too slow to move. even the soft kitchen light seems unnaturally bright to your eyes, and you feel lightheaded, as if all the blood in your body has rushed to the cut on your finger. “huh?”

minghao’s voice comes through clearer now, no longer the sweet melodic tone you’d heard earlier. now the sound is sharp, easily slicing through the warm fog in your mind. “do you have a band-aid?” he repeats.

you exhale, finally coming back to your senses, though your hand is still shaking in minghao’s grip. “y-yeah. the… drawer…” you manage to lift your other hand to point across the kitchen. you swallow thickly, trying to ground yourself and calm down. for some reason you feel positive he can hear your heart pounding in your throat. “there’s a box. by the silverware.”

he moves away, but you vaguely register that he still hasn’t let go of your hand. his hand is freezing, his touch ice cold against your skin, and you feel yourself shiver. the overwhelming urge to sleep overtakes you, and you let your eyes fall closed for a moment while you wait for him.

when you open your eyes again, you’re not in the kitchen anymore. you swear your eyes were only closed for a split second, no longer than a single blink, but now you’re sitting on your couch with your finger tightly wrapped in a bandage.

minghao stands in front of you, watching you closely.  “are you okay?” he asks. his voice is clear again, as casual as can be, and you almost thing you've dreamed this whole situation up. it's a better explanation, at least, than acknowledging you embarrassing yourself in front of your hot colleague.

your head feels so heavy, and you lean against the back of the couch to relieve the ache in your neck. there's a chill in your body that wasn't there before, a tingling feeling that almost borders on pleasurable, but you force it away. 

you forgot he'd even asked you a question until he lets out a sigh, running his fingers through his long hair to flip it out of his face. “i told you it's not safe to be around here at night alone.”

you frown in confusion, your head still feeling woozy. “it's only a papercut, minghao. and i'm fine, i'm not alone. there's a perfectly good doctor standing in my house right now.”

he clicks his teeth at your response, though you can't figure out what you'd said wrong. “you're a naive little thing, aren't you?” he exhales, tsking almost disapprovingly.

despite his tone, his words almost make you laugh, because suddenly everything makes sense. the shy meeting at the library, the encounter in the street, him offering to walk you home… this whole time, it's all been connected, and it took something as small as a papercut to figure it out. “are you hitting on me?”

he lets out a noise of surprise and starts to open his mouth, but you continue before he can say anything. “you could've just asked for my number, you know. i'm not taking classes at the university, so i don't think there's any rules against it.”

“trust me, i would really enjoy that; but no, that's not the reason i'm here.” he manages to get a word in, but you're not deterred. you can see it in the way he stands in front of you, eyeing you like the most delicious treat he's ever seen. you can't believe you didn't realize it sooner.

you hum, crossing your arms as you stare up at him from the couch. “but you do want to sleep with me.”

“i— maybe,” minghao huffs, but you swear you see a little bit of pink in his pale cheeks. he shifts on his feet, a timid expression on his face that seems unbefitting for a man who literally just stuck your bloodied finger in his mouth. “but—”

“aw, don't be shy.” you smile. “i won't bite. promise.”

that gets a laugh out of him. “but i might.”

“ooh, freaky.” you raise your eyebrows. you didn't strike him as the type to be into that, but maybe it's a doctor thing. and besides, who are you to judge? “are you, like, a vampire or something?”

you expect him to laugh again, but he seems unphased by your accusation, simply nodding like you'd just asked him his favorite food instead of whether or not he's a mythical undead creature. “yeah. does that frighten you?”

you shake your head, but you stop quickly when the motion makes you a little dizzy, though you can't comprehend why. “nah, i've seen worse. i had an ex-boyfriend that wanted to be my dog and let me walk him around my house on a leash, but…” you stop, realizing you're probably giving out too many details that minghao probably doesn't care about. “anyway, you already sucked on my finger, so it can't get any weirder than that. are you gonna bite my neck? because that's kinda hot.”

minghao's eyes widen, surprised by your offer, as if he's not the one who just claimed to be a vampire. he narrows his eyes and stays silent for a moment, listening for an inaudible sound. he must decide that you're being genuine, because he quickly relaxes, his lips turning up into a smile. “i… could. only if you want me to. if you'd let me.”

“i do want you to.”

he groans like that's the best idea he's ever heard in his life, and it makes you giggle. it's been too long since you've had somebody in your house who's this enthusiastic about roleplaying. maybe this is the change up you've needed in your life. it's perfectly fitting for the halloween season, too.

“are you sure?” he asks, and you suddenly realize his voice has dropped a few octaves lower. damn, he really is into this.

you pull yourself to your feet, still feeling a little lightheaded, but you're thinking clearly. you're sure of it. if you get in trouble with the university for fucking somebody who's technically your coworker, then so be it. 

“yeah. go on, bite me.”

in one swift motion minghao swoops in, pulling you closer and pressing his lips against yours. his hand wraps around your neck to keep you in place and he inhales sharply, his nails digging into your skin as he tightens his grip. any reservations you still had about him are gone the second you feel his teeth drag against your lips, his tongue slipping into your mouth easily.

you whimper into his mouth as he kisses you, but a second later he pulls away and releases his hand from around your neck, leaving you gasping for breath. he moves again, casually settling himself down on the couch in the spot where you'd just been, and you watch his movements with wide eyes.

he seems refreshed just from the kiss, his eyes sparkling with a new kind of light. he pats his thigh, spreading his legs out wider as he gets comfortable. before he even says a word you feel drawn to him, immediately moving towards him as if being beckoned by an invisible force.

“come on, darling, sit. you want me to bite you?” he finally speaks up. he flashes a grin at you as you plant yourself on his lap, your knees on either side of his hips. you're expecting his body to be warm, but like when you shook his hand in the library, all you feel is cold. a shiver runs through you at the feeling, and you briefly consider getting up to turn the heater on first, but you're already melting into minghao's lap and it feels way too good to leave now when you're just getting started.

“such a pretty thing.” he brushes your hair off your neck and back behind your ear, sending another shiver down your spine at his freezing touch and his deep voice. “will you give me a little taste?” 

his tone makes you pause. you thought he'd have let up on the joke by now, but he seems completely serious to see this through. either he just really likes to roleplay, or…

thunder cracks outside, and you startle on his lap. but he just chuckles, his hand snaking around your waist to hold you tighter against him. “don't be afraid, now. the fear makes you taste so sour, and you're much too beautiful for that, my darling.” he lets out a hum, and your gaze is drawn to his eyes like a magnet. “you're safe with me. just relax and let yourself enjoy it. i promise you'll like it.”

he pauses to wait for your nod, and once you do he moves in closer, his long eyelashes fluttering as he flicks his gaze up to look at your eyes one more time. he goes completely still, inhaling like he's searching for something. but after a moment he seems satisfied with this position, and he settles his ice cold lips against the warmth of your neck.

“ready?” he murmurs against your skin, and his breath makes your skin erupt with goosebumps. it's strangely reminiscent of a chilly gust of wind, the same cold wind blowing outside your house tonight.

you nod again, suddenly feeling shy. his name is on the tip of your tongue, but it instantly dies in your throat before any sound leaves your lips, and you feel his teeth sink into your neck. you choke out a gasp, whimpering at the split second of pain that blooms under your skin but bleeds into pleasure almost as quickly as it begins.

you let out a shaky exhale, struggling to catch your breath. every muscle in your body feels paralyzed. you squeeze your hand on minghao's shoulder, your nails digging into his back as hard as you can.

your lips are parted so beautifully in euphoria, minghao thinks, and yet you don't even realize it. of course you wouldn't. you don't understand how perfect you are, how perfect you are for him. he doesn't let up, plunging his teeth deeper into your neck as he revels at the flood of arousal in your veins that melts onto his tongue like candy.

you try to suppress a moan but it falls from your lips before you can think hard enough to stop it, your hips rolling against his lap. you've never felt a rush like this before in your life. you're addicted to it. every sensation is heightened, every nerve alight with ice cold fire.

you let out a whine and then moan again, grinding your hips down on him desperately. you can vaguely register the hard, thick bulge of his length between your legs but it's the last thing on your mind right now, so focused on chasing the high that's building inside you. you can taste colors and sounds and smells, almost overwhelmed with how sensitive everything is, yet it's the best feeling you've ever had.

he pulls back from you slowly and you whimper as you feel his fangs retract from your neck, leaving you with an even colder sensation that prickles on your skin. his tongue laps at the fresh wound, but your brain can't determine whether the dripping wetness on your skin is blood or saliva. 

“more,” you gasp out once you find your voice again, still panting in exhilaration. your head is full of pressure and you feel dizzy again, even more than earlier. you have to fight to keep your head upright instead of letting it fall against his chest, the weight almost unbearable, but nothing compared to how good your body feels right now.

“no more.” minghao shakes his head firmly. his mouth is stained with blood, the dark crimson red that's blotted over his plush lips making them seem even paler in contrast. he reaches one hand up to hold the back of your neck, and instantly you feel relief from the aching heaviness of your head. “that's enough for tonight. can't let you lose any more blood, sweetheart. but thank you for the snack.”

you exhale quietly as you try to breathe naturally again, but your hips never stop moving. minghao can hear the vibrations from your heart pounding as you grind down against his lap, and it only stirs him up further. it's been a long time since he's been this excited about something other than feeding. he almost can't remember the last time he'd felt the desire to be intimate, and that only makes you seem all the more exciting. it's not what he'd been expecting when he'd offered to follow you home tonight, but this outcome is much, much better.

you're quieter than he'd thought you would be. but then again, everyone reacts differently to him. some in horror, some in shock, some in fear, some in lust. you... well, it's clear you're enjoying it. but you're too quiet. he wants to hear your beautiful screams, the desperate way your breath catches in your throat as your lungs fill with air. he wants to hear the rush of blood in your veins, tinged sweet with your arousal like sticky melted sugar. more than anything he wants to drink you up, but he can't. even if he could, he won't. a beautiful thing like you, you're the kind of meal that someone like him waits centuries for, like a perfectly aged wine savored slowly over years instead of gulped down in one sitting. he's already had a taste of you, and he's perfectly content to wait centuries more for another bite. luckily, he's a very patient man.

but you don't have the benefit of centuries of patience like he does, and he can tell. this isn't enough for you. he can smell it, he can practically taste it in the air that you're not going to get off like this, at least not without taking more from you. and he's determined not to let his appetite get the best of him, not when you're so satisfying in so many other ways. 

“you know you can do better than that, angel,” he murmurs. the nickname burns his tongue, a sharp stinging pain as it leaves his icy lips, but he doesn't care. anything he has to go through to have any part of you, even the wrath of heaven itself, is well worth it to him. all you need is a little encouragement, and he's happy to provide.

you let out a whine, your eyes meeting his dark ones as you tentatively rest your hands on his shoulders once more. he feels firm beneath your grasp, although you don't know why you were expecting him not to be. the tingling feeling in your body is starting to wear off, and he doesn't feel real. there's a fog around everything right now, hazy like walking through a dream. or maybe a nightmare. it's too hard to tell right now. maybe you'll wake up in a few hours and look back on this and laugh. maybe you fell asleep at the library and never even made it home. the only thing you know for sure is that you're never covering another night shift for jun ever again after this. or, maybe you will. actually, maybe you'll offer to cover his shifts every night, if it gives you another chance to see minghao again.

“you're thinking too hard, darling,” minghao interrupts, though you haven't spoken out loud. “i can't do anything you won't like. can't hurt you, at least not tonight. but you're too sweet to waste, anyway. i wouldn't dare spoil you.” he hums, tilting his head downward to look at you through his lashes, his eyes boring into you so intensely that you feel it in the deepest parts of your soul. 

“then, what are you going to do?” you manage breathlessly, meeting his gaze. you're so eager for more, and you're not even trying to hide it anymore. you don't think you could hide it no matter how hard you tried.

minghao hums, brushing your hair back again with his slender fingers. “mm, how about you show me where your bedroom is first, darling? then i'll tell you.”

but before you can answer he stands up and scoops you up into his arms. it seems like only a second passes before he reaches your room, depositing you on your bed with a cold gust of air.

you can't see him in the darkness, and you almost start to call out for him nervously. you've grown used to the familiar coldness of his body, and the room feels emptier without his touch. but as soon as the thought crosses your mind, the candles on your windowsill suddenly flicker to life, crackling with a small burst of flame.

“better?” minghao murmurs, appearing beside you at the edge of the bed. his figure seems to melt into the darkness, barely visible at the edges of your vision, but you know he's there.

“would be even better if you'd touch me already,” you reply, and that earns you a smirk from him.

“forgive me for giving you a chance to change your mind.” minghao huffs and rolls his eyes a little. eager may have been an understatement. 

you whine impatiently and reach out for him, but he cuts you off before you can protest. his voice grows serious, the same sharp tone he used earlier that registers so clearly in your mind. “you're allowed to say no. i'm not using any tricks on you to make you obey me. if you want to stop, then i will.”

something about his voice feels genuine, and you know he's telling the truth. “okay,” you hum softly, trying to match his serious tone. “but i'm saying yes.”

he exhales almost in exasperation, but he's smiling as he leans down over the bed to capture your lips again. his mouth is cold, but this time you're expecting it and it doesn't catch you so off guard.

you're getting used to the feeling of kissing minghao. he tastes better than anyone you've ever kissed, and it's quite easy once your brain manages to get past the initial mental barrier of holy shit you're kissing a vampire and he's really good at it.

one of his hands finds its way down your pants, and instinctively you bite down on his lip in surprise at the sudden icy sensation rubbing between your folds. but that only makes him groan and press his fingers harder against you, moving up to trace circles around your clit.

you whimper into his mouth, your hips simultaneously bucking towards him and away from him as he sinks a finger inside. the cold feeling is such a new sensation, and you clench down automatically around him.

but despite the coldness of his touch, your cheeks are burning hot, and it's getting harder and harder to catch your breath. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him down closer to you, the front of his body pressed against yours, and he slides in another finger.

he almost can't believe you're real. this close to you he can hear your heartbeat thumping and he knows you're alive, the saccharine-sweet scent of your blood coursing through your veins serving only as a reminder of his own mortality. you're everything he's not: warm and alive and full of emotion, but that only makes him want you more.

the wind has picked up again, drowning out the sounds of your moans as the trees outside thud their branches against the side of the house. it only takes another moment for you to reach your peak, falling apart around him with a choked whimper. he slips his fingers halfway out before thrusting them back in, repeating the motion as he presses the heel of his palm against your clit for more stimulation.

his nostrils flare as your scent gets even more powerful, and he has to concentrate all his energy on keeping himself in check. he's never been more tempted to drink from someone in all his life. he can still taste your blood on his tongue from earlier, his mouth beginning to water at the memory, and in the back of his mind he wonders if you can taste it, too. if you were that good before, then he can only imagine how you'd taste now, with the added syrup of your arousal. you're like an ambrosia he can never have, the sweetest nectar he's ever had the pleasure of sampling. 

his resolve is crumbling, but he promised he wouldn't drink any more. it would hurt you, and it would pain him even more than it would you. if he says anything then you'd only plead for him to do more, lost in the aphrodisiac of his venom and unable to tell your own limits, so he keeps his thoughts to himself and just kisses you harder, swallowing your moans instead of your blood. maybe if he's lucky he'll get another chance to have you another day, once you've had time to rest and recover. if you're willing, he could keep this up for a while. you could be his. forever. 

your thoughts are fuzzy when he pulls away from you, keeping his fingers buried inside for a moment longer before slipping out. the candles’ flames dance wildly, casting long shadows across your walls as minghao seems to shimmer in the air beside you.

“wait,” you call out for him weakly, still catching your breath as you come down. “please.”

minghao hums, his figure solidifying on the bed above you. he slides his fingers into his mouth, slowly licking your wetness off of them with a groan before he moves to unbutton his shirt.

“oh, i'm not going anywhere.”

i hope you enjoyed this!! if you did, please consider reblogging or leaving a comment or an ask :) it shows me this is something people want to see more of, and knowing people like this makes me want to write more of it! i'm pretty new to writing non-human characters so feedback would be super appreciated, i hope you liked it <3 thanks for reading!!

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[nebulousmoon3990]

GHOSTS OF THE PAST (Batfam x neglected hero reader)

III𓂃› SPIDER

Warning: violence, swearing, sensitive topics, bad things, spelling mistakes (English is not my first language) and the reader has black hair and blue eyes (sorry), female reader!, I accept criticism, but please don't be rude, everything is fictional!

Hey guys! I'm really sorry it took me so long to post (I was sorting out some things in my life). well, enjoy the chapter!♡

Clark really didn't know what he was getting himself into.

He had expected to come to New York to do a simple interview for the Daily Planet, write the report and spreadsheet right here while eating at a café and if possible bring back some souvenirs for Lois and Jon.

Fighting a supervillain was definitely not in his plans.

It had happened out of nowhere, while he was waiting for the meeting with the businessman, the urgent news on television warning about a monster attacking the city made him leave urgently. He could solve this and finish it in time.

He just didn't know that he wouldn't need to solve it.

While flying, now as Superman, he easily found the villain, it wasn't very difficult to see him in fact. He was the size of a building of at least nine or ten stories, his skin was rocky and hard, made purely of stone. Clark was about to attack the giant when he heard a scream.

Looking through the villain a helicopter was in the way, the pilot tried to maneuver away but they would be enveloped in the confusion. Using his speed, Clark tried to get closer to the helicopter, however it was not enough since it was still far away.

The rocky hand would catch the vehicle before him.

Well, he is not alone.

Before the walking rock caught the propeller and possibly destroyed the vehicle something got attached to the hand and pulled it up, bringing the villain's focus to another place, his distraction was enough for him to catch the helicopter. He noticed as he moved away that what had stopped the giant was... a web? He followed with his gaze the path of the white rope and saw a figure pass quickly on it.

What?

Leaving the helicopter on top of a landing area of ​​a nearby building, he approached the frightened journalists. "Are you hurt?"

The one who answered was the cameraman, who was still breathing heavily, "N-no, Mr. Superman. We're fine-"

"IT'S HER! TYLER FILM, FILM!" The woman's excitement made the man quickly grab his camera. She looked at him and gave a shy smile while holding the microphone, perhaps a little embarrassed by her euphoria. "Oh, Superman, thank you very much. It's just that we never get clear images of her, so you can understand our excitement."

She? She who?

No one needed to answer his question because when he looked at the monster he saw the "she".

A super heroine

Her figure swayed between the giant and the buildings. She wore a suit that covered her entire body, leaving no room to see any of her features. All Clark could see was that she was short, perhaps indicating that she was a teenager.

The monster tried to grab her with its free hand, moving much faster than it had when it was with the helicopter. She, however, brought her webbed wrist towards the giant's face, causing him punched his own face. Swinging away from him, she taunted, her voice echoing off the buildings. "Hey big guy, is that all you know how to do? For someone so tough, you're softer than jelly!"

Hit a nerve, for sure.

"Who is she?" He asked the man who was filming the action with the reporter, even in a situation like that the cameraman looked at the heroine with a glint in his eye, a glint that intrigued Clark.

"Her? She's Spider-Woman."

Spider Woman, he had never heard of this superheroine, but that didn't matter now.The "Spider Woman" swung again on her webs at the stone man's aggression towards her. Superman moved away from the reporters and headed towards the brute. He was quick to bump his fist with the giant's, preventing him from punching a building. The action made the heroine finally notice the Kryptonian. She widened the white eyes of the mask when she saw him flying. "Superman?"

She hung from a building, climbing the glass to get closer to him, she looked at the monster and then at him, her head spinning until she realized something, knowing that he would help her she addressed him. "Hey, Superman. Can you immobilize him for me for at least a few seconds?"

The Kryptonian looked at her, hesitating a little, but then a smile appeared on his lips "Leave it to me."

They moved together at that moment. Clark used his freezing breath on the stone legs, freezing them and immobilizing him to the ground. With the giant still, the spider woman climbed on his back and reached his neck. While the monster struggled, he saw her take a syringe and apply it to the rocky neck. With the liquid entering the monster's veins, he began to scream. Clark was about to intervene when the thunderous scream stopped.

Slowly, pieces of stone fell from the giant, and when they found their end on the ground, they turned into sand, being carried away by the wind. Little by little, the monster began to disintegrate until there was nothing left of him, just a cloud of dust in the place. Approaching to see the damage, he went down and came across the individuals.

The villain, once gigantic and grotesque, was now a thin and small man, passed out in the heroine's arms, while his breathing stabilized, Clark for the first time observed Spider-Woman up close, without being in the heat of battle.

The costume she wore was outlined in black and golden, the fabric was a mix of a dull color and another bright color, the symbol of a spider displayed proudly on her chest, the hood covered the mask on her face, making it difficult to see the white eyes of the mask. What intrigued him most was that it was not common fabric, since when he tried to use his x-ray vision he could not see Spider-Woman's identity.

She certainly knew how to hide her identity.

Just like someone he knew.

"Looking at he now, he doesn't look like a villain."

"And he isn't, they forced him, he's just an ordinary citizen." The dust slowly cleared, now revealing the street they were on. "Honestly, it's a surprise to see you here, shouldn't you be in Metropolis?"

Clark started to sweat a little. True, he should be in Metropolis, not New York, but he couldn't just watch everything on TV, there was a villain attacking the city! And he didn't know New York had a heroine to protect them! How careless of him. "Yeah, actually, I was..."

"was?"

"I-I flew past here! That's it." Spider-woman looked at him before starting to laugh, well at least he tried to hide it, in fact the excuse had been pretty bad.

"Okay, I'll take this as truth, you must have your reasons, don't you, Mr. Clark?"

The aforementioned froze, looking at the spider, who stood up carrying the injured man. The sounds of sirens were heard in the distance, indicating that the police were coming. "What?"

This time, it was the spider woman who froze, realizing her carelessness too late. She looked at him, and even with the mask on her face, he could have sworn a bead of sweat was on his forehead. "Ah, I and my big mouth."

"Do you know my identity? How did you-"

"L-look, I swear it wasn't intentional, seriously! I have... my reasons to know, but I promise! I didn't tell anyone and I won't tell anyone." Superman just looked at her in astonishment, it wasn't intentional? How did she find out then? While the police and ambulance finally arrived, the woman was quick to hand the man over to the police and briefly explained everything, she distanced herself from the police, ready to leave as quickly as possible when he approached her.

"Who are you? Like, really?" She looked at him, clearly anxious to get out of there. "That's... a secret, but like I said, I won't tell anyone, don't worry."

She pulled away from him again, releasing a web from her wrist, already trapping her in a building to resume her run. But before that, she turned to Clark, the tone of her words showing no lies, only truths. "After all..."

"If I wanted to do this, I would have done it nine months ago."

And with that she was gone.

Again, Clark didn't know what he was doing.

It had been a few days since his encounter with Spider-Woman, the revelation that she knew his identity disturbed him, but that wasn't what was going through Clark's head now.

That was who she was.

That woman (or teenager?, Clark doesn't know) had been saving New York for at least a year and absolutely no one in the league knew, she was literally under their noses the whole time and no one knew! But while they didn't know anything, but New York knew, you weren't liked by everyone but most definitely liked you, you gave those people security every day and they trusted you.

You were a real mystery.

In addition, there was the identity issue. Clark wasn't rich, so he didn't have spectacular security to hide his identity, but he always took precautions. You, however, found out so easily. Clark knew that your "it wasn't intentional" statement might be wrong, but whether it was intentional or not, you still did it.

Clark knew that you wouldn't reveal your identity to the world. Your statement made that very clear, but even so, his head itched and itched to meet you.

Maybe he was being hasty, but you were a great heroine, there was no denying that. You fought well, you were smart, and you had experience. You could be a good ally. Besides, Clark doesn't know if you're an adult, so it would be a good way to keep you under supervision.

That's why he's heading back to New York now.

The sun had already set, giving him a view of the beautiful night that had fallen while he was flying, but at that moment Clark was trying to find you.

He didn't know where you could be, in fact he didn't know what to do when he found you, he didn't even know what sparked his interest, he simply... felt. Something about how you were, the mystery surrounding you intrigued him, and Clark simply followed that instinct.

His thoughts were interrupted when his super hearing picked up a sound, of what sounded like running, it could have been anything but his instincts told him to follow the sound, to find the source.

He did.

And thank goodness he did, because he found you.

You were jumping over the buildings, like he had seen you do before, and it was only when you stopped that he could approach you. You were on the edge of the building, looking down at the floors. Clark intended to approach you, but it seemed like you had other plans.

"I thought you had already left." Your voice was neutral, showing no irritation or pleading, it was as white as a sheet, which made him stop, a little surprised that you had discovered him. "I did."

You turned to him, the eyes of the mask you were wearing showing him your confusion, looking him up and down, your reasoning led you to realize why he was here. "You- wait, are you following me?!"

"Following is a very strong word-"

"But you just admitted that you went to the metropolis and came to New York again!" Your arms gestured so quickly thanks to your nervousness that when you realized it you put one of them on your waist and the other you ran your hand over your face.

Clark couldn't help but find this cute.

"Look if this is because of the identity-"

"More or less, but that's not all." Clark's mouth turned into a gentle smile, your brain thinking about the possibilities again, all while you looked at him.

Silence reigned between the two, neither of them wanting to comment before the other, but it seems that Spider-Woman didn't have much time because a sound came from her gauntlet, she quickly accessed it and Clark saw that the "bracelet" was a type of miniature screen attached to the fabric of the suit, you looked at the messages before turning to Clark.

"I'm sorry but I have to go." You looked at the city below, looking at the lights that illuminated the place. Clark was about to speak when you cut him off before. "No offense Superman, but I think it's better if you go back to Metropolis, I don't have time to talk."

You spread your arms wide as you leaned towards the edge of the building, your eyes narrowed affectionately, which contradicted your voice full of irony. "Then this is our last meeting, thank you~"

And then you threw yourself.

Clark flew to the edge, ready to catch up with you, only to be faced with the emptiness of the city, you disappeared before their eyes, like a ghost.

"Then this is our last meeting."

No, it wouldn't be.

And it wasn't.

For the past four months, Clark has been bothering you, appearing out of nowhere, scaring you, helping you, making you more irritated by his constant appearances, making you more dynamic, more ironic, but happy.

It was a confusion of emotions, to tell the truth.

You expected that after a while he would stop doing this, after all he had things to take care of, for example: a city called Metropolis.

But Clark apparently didn't agree with that, because at least once every two weeks he would go to New York just to talk. The weirdest thing is that he started talking about his life to you as if he had known you for years! He talked about how he loved Lois, his relationship with John and Conner, GOD! He even talked about the Daily Planet!

Dude, he didn't even know who you were and he was just talking about his life to you?

You, however, always listened to him, you didn't tell him anything about your life but you didn't stop listening to him either.

Honestly, if you wanted to, you could very well mess with his life.

Good thing you're the heroine here.

As you jumped between buildings, your danger sensor beeped, warning you of something approaching. Knowing who it could be, you went down to the terrace of a building. Your suspicions were confirmed when you felt a gust of air from above. Turning around, you came face to face with the hero who had been on your tail for the last few months: Superman.

Clark had a gentle smile on his face, the smile of a hero, something that conveyed confidence and comfort. And it really did.

"Hello, Mr. Super, you look as happy as ever."

"Yeah, you look as relaxed as ever." He landed in front of you as you leaned against the building's railing, your elbows keeping your body steady as you assumed a carefree posture. Clark glanced at the buildings behind you nervously, uneasy about something. "I hope you don't mind, but we have company today."

You arched an eyebrow in doubt as your danger sensor went off like crazy, you had a few seconds before you turned around and launched a web at the person. You expected to find a criminal or even a super villain, but you were faced with the sunglasses of a teenager in a costume similar to Superman. "Yeah, she's really fast like you said."

What?

Before you could react, a much smaller figure appeared in front of you, just like the teenager (the difference was that he was a child and didn't wear glasses) he also looked a lot like Clark, he floated in front of you, bright and excited eyes directed at you. "Wow! You're so much cooler in person!"

A drop appeared on your head, turning to the man of steel you muttered to him. "Who are-"

"John and Conner." He chuckled softly, seeing your eyes narrow in irritation. "John really wanted to meet you and Conner ended up joining too."

"Oh." You pulled away from John a little as sarcasm flooded your lips. "That's great!"

Conner chuckled softly as you released him from your web, he approached you as he bent down a little to speak to you, since he was taller. "I thought you'd be happy to see us, it's not every day three Kryptonians come to New York to help with crimes." His voice held an undeniable teasing, the low and deep tone of his voice having the words dragged in his speech, it seemed almost sensual.

You stopped as you watched the other two, John and Clark froze, their gazes fixed on Conner, who you had confirmed was trying to subtly court you.

But you're not the shy girl here.

You approached him, close enough to be face to face, your breath could be felt on his mask. Conner, surprised by your bold move, leaned back, his cheeks flushed with your approach. "Well, New York is already protected by its heroine every day, so I don't need help." The smile on your face grew when Conner turned redder at the sound of your voice.

You quickly moved away from him and hung on the ledge, you turned to him, your figure shining with the lights in the city. "Then watch me do my job, mini super."

You fell from the building, the wind shaking your hood as you fell. Before hitting the ground, you threw a web up and climbed up again, hanging on one at a time. As your figure moved away, Conner and John looked at you. "Damn."

"You better come, or we'll end up losing her."

The night would be very long.

"OH GOSH, I'm so tired!" You yawned as you hung on the webs, it was almost four in the morning and you decided to go home. The supers had already left, you believe they were tired too (Especially Conner, where you and he played flirting all night).

You stopped on the terrace while looking around, seeing if someone or something had followed you, seeing no threat you hung on your web and slowly fell to your apartment, you opened the balcony door and as soon as you entered you were greeted by a satisfied meow.

Looking at the sofa in the living room, you saw Mooly lying on the cushion, the little black kitten moving and going to your ankle, cunning for affection. You laughed softly and picked her up gently, while placing her in your arms. "Hey, haven't you gone to sleep yet?"

As you petted the little one, footsteps were heard throughout the house, when you looked up you came across a large white vinyl robot, its form being embraced by its shadows, its round eyes shining in the dark space.

You looked at it and it did the same, the atmosphere apparently cold and tense to those looking from the outside, but completely the opposite for those who live in this house. The robot bowed respectfully, its voice, calm and tobotic, showed deep down a contained joy, reserved only for those close to it.

"It's so good to see you home." He stood up from his position, round eyes blinking slightly in the darkness of the apartment.

"Master (Name)."

You smiled as you set Mooly down on the couch again, you raised your hand to his neck and squeezed it, causing his mask to retract, revealing his identity. His face, the face of someone forgotten is a frequent presence on the walls here.

(Name) Wayne, the Spider-Woman, the missing daughter, the useless Wayne. His face was older than before, aged like red wine, clearly showing that you took after your father, since your face was just like his. Beautiful and exquisite, cold and deadly.

"It's good to be home Mark, where's Alex?" You asked as you squeezed your shoulder, which was a bit sore from today's patrol.

"Mrs. Alex is already asleep, she said she couldn't stand listening to you flirting with Superboy anymore."This made you laugh out loud, you could imagine Alex covering his ears so he wouldn't hear the two of you. You pressed the bracelet on your wrist and in a flash your suit retracted into the bracelet, showing your figure that had a loose blouse and pants. You stretched, heading towards the bathroom.

"Well, I guess I better go too, tomorrow I have a college project and Mrs. Vivian wants me early at the coffee shop" before you could get there Mark called you, his voice echoing through the house. "You got a message from Master Billy."

You stopped and looked at Mark, the notification displayed on his cute belly from an ologram. "Did he send it at this time?" The robot shook his head and handed the phone to you.

Opening your messages you went straight to Billy's contact, concern starting to creep in on you, but then again, you should know how Billy is.

Because when you saw the message you felt your stomach churn.

Billy Batson was eating the most beautiful and delicious candy you had ever seen in your entire life, and he sent it to you even though he knew about your addiction to sweets.

That little shit-

You quickly typed furiously on the cell phone keyboard, not caring that it was late, just wanting to curse Batson for making you feel hungry when you planned on not having dinner.

'Fuck, I hate you Batson ಥ_ಥ'

His answer didn't take more than a few seconds to come, his response irritating you even more.

'HEY, you finally answered me, I was already worried. Besides, I know you love me 𖹭𖹭𖹭(∪ ◡ ∪)'

'I promise I'll buy one for you, good night little spider ツ'

'...good night Billy.'

You wanted to cry, that's it.

Especially because you were hungry now.

Knowing your fate, you threw the cellphone on the couch and turned on the kitchen light, you heard Mooly and Mark's footsteps following you.

"I think there are still ingredients for a mug cake, right?" eating now wouldn't hurt.

"Bruce? BRUCE!" The aforementioned looked at the entrance of the batcave where Tim and Jason had rushed in. The two looked like they had seen a ghost, sweaty and pale, still in their suits. "Tim, what is it?"

"You- You need to see this!" He sighed heavily as he threw himself into the chair at the control panel, his fingers typing faster than he had seen them on missions. Bruce looked at Jason, who was standing next to him, who had a burning look on his face, hope hidden behind his eyes.

What's going on?

Bruce didn't need to ask, because Tim began to explain to him. "Since the accident with... (Name), I've never found any clues..." Bruce shuddered at the sound of your name, they didn't talk about that subject.

Even after three years it still hurt.

"But that was because I wasn't looking in the right place!" The teenager put up the pictures of the bus that had been carrying you that day, only the wreckage that was left was in the picture. "But now-now I know where to look."

"Last year, Star City had several people kidnapped suddenly, just like (Name) no one found any clues about the case, but Jason and Roy investigated thoroughly and managed to find a kind of underground dungeon where the kidnapped people would be."

Now on the computer was the picture of the bus and of a kind of what Bruce would call a mental hospital. The place was so rotten and filthy that Bruce wondered if anyone lived there. "Apparently there's nothing, but if you look behind each of the huge graffiti on the wall..."

Tim, using the program, removed the graffiti, which gave Bruce a view of the white walls, but in the middle of them, pieces of something nonsensical resided there. "... and put them together."

The movement in Tim's hands moved the images on the wall, distorting and shaping them until one completed the other, making the nonsensical make sense.

"A symbol."

The symbol of a womb wrapped around a two-headed serpent.

"Do you know where else this symbol is?" Tim again returned to the image of the bus wreckage, he shaped the image and put together pieces of the walls that resulted in the same symbol, but with small parts missing. "So you mean-"

"That the same people who kidnapped the people in Star City were the ones who kidnapped (Name)." Jason answered for the two, his tone as dejected as Bruce's.

He can't blame him, he's in a similar state.

"The problem is that I can't find out what it means, I've tried on the Internet, in history books, even on Wikipedia! But I haven't found anything."

The crushing silence suffocated those present, leaving invisible marks on their being. "It has to have a meaning, anything- okay, what does it mean to a womb?!"

"Jason, this is stupid-"

"No, but we have to try! Shit, you only looked in science books or-or whatever, but have you tried to look for anything related to mythology?" Tim thought for a moment, but shook his head negatively.

"The womb refers to the woman, the mother. Now, what does a two-headed snake refer to?" Bruce asked no one in particular, his thoughts searching for the knowledge he had about it.

"Would it be a mother snake? That's nonsense."

Jason thought for a moment and realized something. "Technically, it's not." The red hood searched the control panel while talking to Robin and Batman.

"In Greek mythology, there was a creature that was half snake and half woman." The mythological image appeared next to the symbol. The grotesque figure of the creature somehow referred to the symbol.

"She was known as the mother of monsters."

"Echidna."

HI GUYS, this chapter was a lot of work, I had a lot of blockages but I managed to do it.

Now I have a question to ask: Is Conner treated as Clark's son or brother?

You already know that I haven't read the comics, I've watched Young Justice (at least there it gave the impression that Conner would be treated as Clark's son) but on Wikipedia it says that Conner is treated as John's uncle, please answer me 😭.

I'm also doing a reader drawing (NON-CANONIC), I think I'll do headcanons too. I'll possibly leave a link below.

Ok, let's go to the Tag list \(•◡•)/:

@daiyanomochi - @amber-content - @wizzerreblogs - @foggyv-oid - @kore-of-the-underworld - @theunknowntravel3r - @space1crow - @shortnsweetsposts - @popursocks - @sugasweettea - @salfishers - @itachisank - @jsprien213 - @infirebaby - @yhin-gg -@h-ib

@bunbunboysworld - @h-ib - @sheep-from-rad - @tatsuri-zomushiki - @the-holy-pigeon - @geminis93 - @horror-lover-69 - @mybones537 - @eyeless-kun - @timotheechalametswifeys - @justabreadslice - @nymphzy0 - @1-800-g00ber - @pix-stuff - @jsprien213

sorry for any mistakes.

Bye 𖹭

[leona-hawthorne]

AHH VAN I REQUEST FOR YOUR 1K? BOOK BROWSING, Soulmates with mattheo riddle?

you got it bb!!! 🤍✨ — also here’s a reminder that my requests are now closed <3

1k celebration navigation

NO MORE RUNNING… book browsing

ミ★ MATTHEO RIDDLE

The words on your wrist were a curse.

At least, that’s how you’d come to think of them after waiting years for someone to say them. They weren’t elegant or poetic like the ones others had. Instead, they were blunt and vaguely infuriating, a question that had hung over you since you were old enough to understand its significance:

"What the hell are you doing here?"

You’d imagined the scene countless times—standing in some shadowy corridor or a bustling hallway, accidentally bumping into someone who’d scowl and spit the words at you. But when they were finally spoken, you weren’t prepared for them to belong to Mattheo Riddle.

It had happened in the Slytherin common room of all places, a quiet moment interrupted by the sound of his voice cutting through the still air like a blade. You’d been searching for a friend, still wearing your red and gold tie, when he appeared out of nowhere, looking thoroughly unimpressed.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

The words weren’t angry—just exasperated, as if he’d caught you trespassing in some unspoken territory.

The shock hit you instantly, your heart pounding as you froze in place. Your wrist burned with the ghost of his voice, and your breath caught in your throat.

He’d said the words. Your words.

And you’d said his, though you hadn’t known it at the time.

"Why do you care?"

The phrase was etched into his wrist, bold and sharp against his skin, as if fate had known he’d spend years keeping people at arm’s length. The irony wasn’t lost on him—he’d spent his entire life avoiding attachment, only to be bound to someone by a single sentence.

The next week was torture. Mattheo had always been difficult to pin down, but now, he seemed to evaporate whenever you entered the room. You’d catch glimpses of him in the library, his dark curls bent over a parchment, or in the corridors, his back stiff as he walked away faster than usual. Each time you tried to get close, he slipped away, leaving you with an ache in your chest and a thousand unanswered questions swirling in your mind.

Why would he avoid you? Did he not want this? Did he not want you?

It didn’t make sense. The bond between soulmates was supposed to be undeniable. Everyone said so. But Mattheo was resisting it—resisting you—and it hurt more than you wanted to admit.

By the time you cornered him, you were tired of the silence. You found him by the Black Lake, leaning against a tree, a cigarette dangling from his fingers. He didn’t hear you approach, or maybe he just didn’t care.

“Are you going to avoid me forever?” you asked, your voice steady despite the storm in your chest.

He stiffened, the cigarette pausing midair. Slowly, he turned to face you. His dark eyes scanned your face, and for the first time, you saw something other than annoyance or indifference in them. He looked almost... guilty.

“I wasn’t avoiding you,” he lied.

You crossed your arms, arching a brow. “Really? Then what do you call running away every time I’m in the same room?”

Mattheo sighed, flicking ash into the grass. “I call it self-preservation.”

“Self-preservation?” you repeated, incredulous. “From me?”

“From this,” he snapped, gesturing vaguely between the two of you. “From whatever this is supposed to be.”

Your heart sank, but you held your ground. “It’s not something we can change, Mattheo. You know that.”

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

The words stung, but you refused to flinch. “What’s there not to like? Is it me? Or is it the idea of soulmates in general?”

He hesitated, his jaw working as if he were trying to chew through his frustration. Finally, he muttered, “Both.”

“Wow,” you said flatly, the sarcasm barely masking your hurt. “Thanks for clearing that up.”

“I didn’t mean—” He groaned, raking a hand through his curls. “It’s not you, alright? It’s just...this whole soulmate thing. I didn’t ask for it. I didn’t ask for someone else to decide my life for me.”

You stared at him, your throat tightening. “You think I asked for this? You think I wanted to be tied to someone who doesn’t even have the decency to talk to me?”

Mattheo winced, but you weren’t done.

“Do you have any idea how terrifying this is? To know that the person you’re meant to spend your life with can’t even stand to be around you?”

His gaze softened, and for a moment, you thought he might actually apologize. But instead, he said, “I never said I couldn’t stand you.”

“Oh, really? Could’ve fooled me.”

He sighed, the tension in his shoulders easing just slightly. “I don’t… hate you. Far from it.”

“Then what is it?” you demanded. “Why are you doing this?”

He didn’t answer right away. Instead, he took another drag from his cigarette, his eyes fixed on the horizon. When he finally spoke, his voice was quieter, almost raw.

“Because I’m scared, alright?”

Your breath hitched. That wasn’t what you’d expected.

“I don’t like the idea of fate tying me to someone,” he admitted. “But what scares me more is that it’s you.”

You frowned. “Why would that scare you?”

“Because...” He looked at you then, really looked at you, and you could see the fear and vulnerability lurking beneath his usual bravado. “Because if this doesn’t work, if I mess this up...I don’t think I could take it.”

The honesty in his words left you speechless. For all his defiance and bravado, Mattheo Riddle was just as terrified of this bond as you were. But for entirely different reasons.

“You won’t mess this up,” you said softly.

“You don’t know that.”

“No, I don’t,” you admitted. “But I know you, Mattheo. And I know that if you just...stop running, we might actually have a chance.”

He stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then, slowly, he nodded.

“Alright,” he said. “No more running.”

It wasn’t a promise. Not yet. But it was a start. And for now, that was enough.

[acid-ixx]

I hope you don’t mind but I need to ramble this to someone, neglected Wayne reader right? The fam would forget to bring them to social events and whatnot right? So there would be very few pictures, articles and interviews or even facts about them, meaning that reader Wayne is a rarity. Still following me? Reader Wayne with a small but devout fanbase.

I’m talking they are trading the latest pictures and sharing links to the rare interview with reader in it, following any social media they have that isn’t private, they are just fascinated by this micro celebrity that seems to always be forgotten. Okay but also imagine one of the heroes developing a para-social attachment to reader. My money is on Conner Kent, mainly bc he can project his own issues with his dads onto reader and he can Dolores ~Encanto~ reader with his super hearing and develop a even bigger parasocial obsession with them

I hope you enjoyed this ramble, I will leave you be now, see ya later alligator! 🐊

omg another one of my asks that actually predicted a major plot point... this ask ties well with the last part written here. i'm thinking about having the reader get a love interest/s but i have already written an outline but one thing is for sure—

you have more than just your family interested in taking you.

major spoilers below the cut. — an excerpt from chapter xx

(name) wayne may have been a name forcefully deleted off of the face of the internet, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have its conspiracies of its own. nobody knows who you are beyond the blurry, unsolicited pictures of you. it may have been a photograph of your back, or articles published in unknown websites and buried at the far end about a kid entering through the fancy gates of the wayne manor.

you are a product of a one-night-stand.

but they don't know who the mother is, don't know your age, or where you come from, and what business bruce has with the woman to guarantee your adoption at the instance she had disappeared without warning.

your existence was a mystery most would like to solve. after all, it was your picture that was plastered all over the newspapers and articles, it was your name that journalists whisper and it was a silhouette of your face that the underground knows by heart. every known information about you was shared discretely yet efficiently like some sort of virus.

you were a target for interest, a large sum of money if they will. and alfred had taken it in his hands to make sure there would never be a repeat of what had happened before.

it was a clumsy mistake, one that cost you your memories, and one he swears on his life he'll never make again.

the first course of action he needs to arrange, which may seem difficult for most; he needs to confront bruce.

after all, your freedom is your doom.

maybe this is out of the picture, but id' like to imagine you and connor having a therapy session where one comes out absolutely obsessed with the other, and it's not you.

connor's character for me is so, so good for an angst potential. it's like his personal struggles is a way for him to show you how absolutely you two are meant to be. and he may have met you through bumping into you (false) or maybe... he has seen you stalking through the shadows back when he visits the manor. using his superhearing, he can hear your voice from the kitchen begging alfred to relay a message to bruce, sounding so absolutely desperate. it's the way you tell alfred how you wished your father actually spends time with you, or how nobody seems to notice you— that he kind of just makes a silent promise that he will talk to you soon, he needs to know why this family seems so keen on ignoring and how hypocritical tim is for literally doing the same thing to you when he's aware of kon's past.

if he (or anyone else) should be a love interest (though he is a minor character in the series unless you guys want him to be a major one), i can already imagine the absolute hell you have to suffer not only from your family but from your own lover. just imagine the stockholm syndrome or the delusions you convince yourself with because you're finally loved by someone but that love restricts you from the very freedom you tried to build.

the batfamily would be so conflicted because why are you choosing some stranger over them...? then you slap them in the face with, "well, this "stranger" wants to kidnap me and lock me up, sure! but at least they actually looked at me for more than five seconds!" and you can watch how the color drains off their face, their conflict giving you the perfect opportunity to run away from both your ex-family and your soon-to-be-kidnapper-lover who thinks your comeback is a funny way for you to propose.